Monthly Archives: September 2015

September 29, 2015 — GH, Some Soap, Renewing Vows & Sorority Sisters

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

No matter how many years these people live, they’re never going to understand that when doctors are working on an emergency, you really shouldn’t get in their way.

Poor Carrrlos. He lives on in scapegoat spirit anyway. Ha-ha! Anna is walking around like a zombie, because she knows the truth, and Sloane just used her pic on his phone as a coaster. Nicholas continues to amaze me in that I kind of like him now, after years of thinking of him as wallpaper. Hayden has brought a lot out in him, like sleaziness and cunning, but also his fun side. I really hope they stay together and wreak havoc on Port Charles.

Paul makes a “Hmmm…” face when Michael tells him that Ava said Carrrlos was the shooter. I don’t know if it’s “Hmmm…why didn’t I think of that?” or “Hmmm…I’m going to kill her for not doing what I said.” And why did Paul act surprised when the charges against Julian for conspiracy were brought up? As DA and the new crime boss, he should be up-to-date on that, especially since he wants to blame Julian for everything.

I start getting anxious whenever I see the words, “breaking news” now.

Is Ava going to change her clothes today? When was the last time she had a shower? Julian isn’t buying that Ava is replacing him at the mob table out of the goodness of her heart.  Now Sloane is drunkenly harassing Hayden and Nicholas while they’re eating dinner at The Floating Rib. He’s looking a little better now that they fixed his hair.

Back at the Asian restaurant (Noodle Buddha?), “Jake” and Sam have renewed their vows. Sam says she’s ready to leave Jason behind. Oh boy, does she have a surprise coming. Although I wouldn’t want to hang as long as it’s taking to come.  Sam does a whole riff on the figurines and decides to leave them at the restaurant.

The blood clot traveled to Sonny’s brain. Maurice Benard’s contract is up and he hasn’t signed a new one yet, so we’ll see how the next surgery goes.

Paul is going blah-blah-blah at Anna when Sloane calls and insists on speaking with him. Looks like he’s going to spill Anna’s beans about Carrrlos. I was almost liking him, but unless he’s going to say he did it, that’s pretty low. Nope, he’s not. Now Paul is staring at Anna with laser beam eyes. I’ll bet he’s not going to have her arrested though. He’s probably going to use this info to his advantage. And didn’t Sloane’s name/number pop up on the precinct’s caller ID? Although it does look like they have a phone from the 70s. Times is tough everywhere.

Ava tells Julian she’s always dreamed about running the organization, which is news to me and probably everyone else. “Every little girl’s dream,” Julian says. Hey, it beats pushing a baby carriage. Julian says he should probably find a new place to live. He should have found a new place ages ago. Aren’t these two in their 40s? Why are they living together anyway?

Paul meets with Sloan who gives him a key to the safe deposit box where Carrrlos’s ID and wallet are, along with the gun that shot him. I could have sworn they just pushed him into the river, but okay. Paul then shoots Sloane. That was quick. I don’t know what a great mob boss he’s going to make. He probably should have verified that first. What if the only thing in the box is Sloane’s dirty underwear?

As Sonny is prepped for surgery, the burning question in all of our minds is, how much of a raise did he ask for?

If Loving You Is Wrong

If you love old school soap opera, this one’s for you. While The Haves & The Have Nots is more reminiscent of Dallas or Dynasty, If Loving You Is Wrong is more the Ryan’s Hope of the Tyler Perry dramas. The opening credits hearken back to the soaps of the 70s, with romantic shots of the main characters. They all live on the same street, which makes it easy for them to get into each other’s business. The street set is wonderful. The houses look almost cartoonish, all painted in bright colors with gingerbread trim. It also reminds me of the old lonely hearts comic books that I used to sneak into the house when I was a kid.

The new season just started, so it’s easy to catch up. It’s not like this is rocket science.

Alex is married to Brad, but had an affair with Randal. Randal is married to Marcie. There was a big whoop-de-do when the affair was revealed by Marcie at Brad’s surprise birthday party. It was a surprise all right. At the end of last season Brad was furious, Alex just had a baby, Marcie became a drunk and Randal was still trying to get into Alex’s pants. Not in the delivery room, but I wouldn’t have been surprised. I’m not sure what she sees in him, since he’s annoying and a bit intimidating, but he does have a rockin’ bod. In today’s episode, we finally saw the baby, and yep, it’s Randal’s. I forgot to mention that Randal is African American; Alex and Brad are both Caucasian.

Kelly lives next door to Alex and Brad. She’s a single mother, but bought the house in anticipation of getting married to Travis. He was on some mission in a foreign country, but when he came back, he was engaged to someone else. He says he still loves Kelly and wants to be with her, so obviously there’s a piece missing to this puzzle. His mother appears to wield some power over him as well. He also seems a little off, but I don’t know if there’s something to that or it’s just me. Kelly is playing with him, trying to hurt him, but I think she really still loves him.

Edward is a dirty cop who used to be with Esperanza, but he’s also a bully and needs to know what she’s doing every waking moment, which is why they broke up. They can’t seem to leave each other alone though.

Lushion is a good cop who was partners with Edward. Edward had also been in Afghanastan, and Lushion suggested PTSD is Edward’s problem, but Edward shrugged it off, acted like an a-hole, and is now being investigated by the department. Lushion is also in love with Natalie, and the two of them are the voices of reason on the show. Joey is Natalie’s son, who works at a burger place (Natalie is the manager), but has dabbled with gangs who are now after him. The burger place was totally shot up last season.

That should bring you up to speed.

My Fab 40th

The party planner is making 15 grand? I missed my calling. This show is all about rich people’s problems. I guess a lot of them are, but it would be nice to see some people who can’t afford to drop 100k on a birthday party. Where’s the Loud family when you need them?

The couple in this episode (it’s her birthday) are New Yorkers, but if I didn’t know that, I’d swear they were from Los Angeles. They don’t act like any New Yorkers I know. Maybe they got gentrified along with the neighborhood they live in. This party is basically a re-do of their wedding because the original happened when they weren’t so flush. Both of them are lawyers, but threw their degrees in the air to start an urban celebrity gossip website. Obviously it did well.

Al Sharpton officiates at the vow renewal ceremony. Every time I see him, I worry about his health. He really looks like he lost too much weight and now his head is too huge for his body.

Below Deck

Eww! Emile “has feelings for” Rocky. Because he’s 12. Eddie wonders what’s wrong with Emile. For one thing, he can’t hold his liquor. (It’s the crew’s night off.)

Eddie’s having problems with his long distance relationship, and his girlfriend keeps contacting her ex. Connie and Rocky get weird with some whipped cream and leave a mess. Eddie leaves a note that the yacht isn’t a frat house. Oddly enough, the next charter’s two primary guests, Bryn and Stacy, are sorority sisters. It’s some kind of reunion.

The guests decide on finger food for lunch, and like Kate says, “We all know how Leon likes change.” Leon has already made a load of hot food, and despite Kate’s really good suggestions on how to turn it into hors d’oeuvres, he starts grumbling and won’t shut up.

The deck hands are making stupid mistakes, and Captain Lee says he has a low tolerance for stupid. Me too. He calls them all to the wheelhouse and pretty much tells them to shape up or ship out.

Chef Leon is “taking a breather” (where? he’s on a boat), and Rocky is going to cook dinner for the crew. This might turn out to be one of those too many cooks situations. The kitchen isn’t that big. Ha-ha! Kate says gazpacho is another word for laziness. Maybe I should try making some, since I’m admittedly a lazy cook. Holy! Rocky just served the crew raw chicken. She must have taken cooking lessons from my maternal grandmother.

The guests want mini cheeseburger sliders and cream cheese brownies for late night snacking. No surprise, this pisses Leon off. Because he has to cook. I have finally found someone lazier than I am in the kitchen. When I’m being paid, I can be quite industrious. Man, I’m even more creative than this guy.

My second eww! of the show – primary guest Stacy is washing down a brownie with a beer. No. Just no.

My second no surprise too. She’s severely hungover the next morning.

It’s time to dock. This is probably the most difficult thing to accomplish, worse than parallel parking in NYC. The crew manages to do it without anyone getting fired. Even though Stacy is still nursing her hangover, she manages to give the captain the tip. BTW, the tip is always split evenly, which seems kind of unfair, but it is what it is. Twelve large this week.

Emile continues to embarrass himself with Rocky. Because he’s 12. Rocky passes him a note. Because she’s 14.

Wow. It looks like it’s going to be a real sh*tstorm next week.

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September 28, 2015 — GH, the OC & London

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

It was good of them to go back to Friday’s last minute with the first minute today, since ABC broke in with non-breaking news on Friday.  Ava picks up where she left off, saying she knows who shot Sonny.

Oh, hi, Anna! Are you still on this show?

I’m not sure if I’m going to make it to November 6 (I.e. the “Jake”/Elizabeth wedding when they’ll probably wrap this up). Now Sam says she feels like Jason is right beside her, and he is. Please, I can’t take this anymore. They’re in the garden of some Asian restaurant and it just so happens that the owners’ son is the one who married Jason and Sam. The dude’s grandmother comes out. She’s blind, but her other senses are super keen. She tells Jake that he’s Jason.

Oh ho! Blame the dead guy! Ava says it was Carrrlos who shot Sonny. I wish he had shot Sonny, since that means he’d still be on the show. Good logic though. She says he was “working his way up,” starting with Duke. Since very few people know he’s dead, this might work.

Anna, Julian and Alexis are going around and around about who killed Duke. Wasn’t this like last year? Oh snap! Julian suggests Anna deal with Carrrlos, unless she already did.  Either Julian knows more than he’s letting on or he’s a really good guesser.

Sonny wants to marry Carly in the hospital.

The old Asian lady is convinced that Jake is Jason. She thinks they’re there to celebrate their anniversary.

At the mob sit down, everyone, including the one other woman who’s at the table, is wearing either black or navy blue, so Ava totally stands out in her orange get-up and blonde hair. I really do love her outfit, but she’s been wearing it for days. Everyone votes for an “immediate cease fire,” even though there hasn’t been any shooting since Sonny got shot.

Commercial break. The Soaps in Depth magazine has a big article on how Morgan and Michael will be fighting for Sonny’s territory. I’m not so sure either one of them could get a fast food order right.

Anna sees Paul and it’s like old home week. Michael agrees to mob peace. He looks incredibly out of place with all of the adults. It reminds me of that scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High when Mark and Stacy go on a date, and he forgets his wallet. All of a sudden, everyone wants to look for Carrrlos.

Back at the restaurant, this is the most sighted-looking blind person I’ve ever seen. Do the directors on this show walk off the set periodically throughout the day? The grandmother wants Sam and “Jason” (I don’t even know where to use quote marks now) to renew their vows and it looks like they’re going to humor her. Who does that? By God, someone is going to get married today.

And it’s Sonny.

Jake says the vow renewal might help Sam get over Jason. What? Did you know a bride and groom are a dragon and phoenix? Me neither. We get the vow renewal interspersed with Sonny’s wedding. Lots of hearts and flowers and birds flying around with ribbons in their mouths.

And in the timing that soaps are famous for, just as the rings are about to be exchanged, Sonny goes into cardiac arrest.

The Real Housewives of the OC

I’m so glad Shannon and her husband, David, are putting their marriage back together. Shannon seems weirded out by the pretty much everything, from the restaurant menu to Brooks and Vicki.

Tamra is getting baptized. Someone needs to help her out. Where is that pastor? She says that someone should make a blonde version of the bible since it’s not an easy read. Has no one told her that there are about a million different translations and they probably have that one? Is she reading the King James? No wonder she’s having a problem. Pastor Mike seems like a nice guy and I like his thought that Jesus is the GPS system for our lives, but he isn’t really teaching her very well. I knew a Pastor Mike, but this isn’t him. At least Tamra isn’t calling him a “pasture” any more. That joke was getting old.

Vicki and Brooks are visiting a doctor that practices both Eastern and Western medicine. His intern, or whatever she is, talks about organic coffee enemas. Um…no thanks. I’m all for holistic treatment, but not coffee in my butt.

I’m seriously not understanding the whole Brooks is faking cancer thing. This dude is a doctor, he’s looking at medical records and Brooks is getting some kind of IV oxygenation treatment. If he’s faking, he’s certainly doing a good job, but wouldn’t some doctor along the way have noticed?

Heather and Terry are getting ready to hawk their skincare line on a home shopping channel. Terry is freaking somewhat because it’s live TV. Heather is hoping he can “rise to the challenge,” which means she hopes he doesn’t make a fool of both of them. After the leech incident, I’m not sure I would trust them with my skin care. It doesn’t have slug spit or something in it, does it? Terry is stumbling all over the place at rehearsal, but I like him anyway. Heather is mystified that he’s having a problem with this, but it’s totally understandable. Seriously, I’d be more concerned about having credibility after duct taping leeches to my stomach. Heather says bad dress rehearsal, good show. We used to say that when I worked in theatre too, but that doesn’t make it true.

Tamra is helping Ryan to move in to his new home. The one she forked over the 8 grand for him to buy. She goes over to Vicki’s and gives Brooks a hug like nothing ever happened. Did we miss something? In the last episode, Tamra was screaming at him. Brooks shows Tamra some paper about the results of his PET scan. Now I already know that Meghan is going to challenge this by calling the facility and finding out they don’t do PET scans there. If this is the case though, what’s up with the doctor they just visited? Unless Brooks is honestly convinced he has it and doesn’t, and has also managed to convince the medical people he’s seeing, I don’t know what to make of this.

Interesting. In talking about raising her stepdaughter, Meghan thought all kids were raised the same. This explains a lot, since she doesn’t seem to understand anything outside her narrow realm of experience. They have an amazing kitchen. I’m apparently doomed to having a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. When I moved from an apartment to an 8-room house, the kitchen was actually smaller than the one in my last apartment.

Terry is doing well on the actual show. Since no one has anything better to do, the rest of the ladies get together to watch – without Vicki, since it’s at Meghan’s house. Apparently, one of the ingredients in the product is the same as the antioxidant Brooks claimed to be using to fight his cancer, so Lizzie makes a stupid comment that their product must cure cancer. 1) It didn’t look like the same spelling or sound like the exact same thing, 2) antioxidants can be used for more than one thing, 3) wouldn’t Heather have mentioned that when they talked about it before? and 4) what an freaking stupid thing to say. Tamra makes a prank phone call to the show which is pretty funny, but Heather and Terry are only fooled for 5 seconds. Aww, Terry and Heather are all in love again after the show.

Here comes the part where Meghan called the facility. Twice. Tamra wonders why she was the chosen one to see the report and of course Meghan thinks it’s because Tamra is the idiot of the group. She asks why they weren’t shown to her since she has a “medical background” – because she’s seen medical records before. Um….  Shannon’s feelings are hurt because Vicki didn’t include her and she’s been their biggest advocate. It seems that she forgot  that twice she made Vicki extremely upset because she couldn’t stop talking when Vicki asked her to shut up. Tamra and Vicki also used to be besties and she’s known Tamra a helluva lot longer than the others.

In playing devil’s advocate, I can totally come up with reasons for every piece of information about Brook’s cancer that is cropping up. And how can he be such a smooth con man that he fools doctors, yet makes these huge mistakes? On the other hand, WTF? ??

Ladies of London

We’re back at the New Year’s Eve party, which at this point is going on way too long. Caroline #1’s SIL is way drunk and totally supportive of Caroline making humping gestures over Juliet’s prone husband while in a unicorn costume. I’m not sure why this is okay. Will someone please support me here?  Yes, it wasn’t exactly sexy, but it was still out of line. Juliet decides to apologize for overreacting (which she really didn’t) and it doesn’t go well because the SIL, Joan Collins Sophie, keeps instigating. I get revenge the next morning because they all have serious hangovers.

What I don’t get about some of these women is that they act like all kinds of propriety should be followed, but then act like inappropriate idiots themselves. They keep pointing the finger at the “emotional” Americans, yet act like teenagers being given alcohol for the first time. I guess it’s one of those things where it’s a different set of rules for everyone. I hate that. HA-HA! Marissa’s mascara is all over her face. Go wash up, you cow.

The next morning everyone comes down to the chaotic confetti-laden room for breakfast. Caroline #1 is annoyed because Juliet is acting like nothing happened. Isn’t that what she wanted? Caroline had also been bitching about Julie getting weepy when she was drunk and now takes back her apology. Annabelle says it’s a “truly ungracious moment” and I agree. It’s sad. I liked Caroline #1, but now she’s acting like a complete a-hole. I think some of these ladies – and I use the term loosely – probably shouldn’t drink.

The two Carolines meet for a walk. Caroline #1 says Juliet was “looking for a fight.” Sorry. Don’t see it that way. She sees an online article from the Sunday Times business section via her phone. It’s Marissa promoting her new restaurant venture, and the picture shows her showing off a hot dog. (This is not a euphemism for anything. She has a literal hot dog in her hands. It looks pretty good too.) Caroline #1 of course has something snarky to say and I can’t wait for it to get back to Marissa, who also thinks her poopy doesn’t stink and whose feelings will be hurt no matter how she shrugs it off. I want to see these  two with the biggest egos go at it. That is if both of their heads can fit in one room.

Caroline #1 (is the whole show about her tonight?) has to pay some note (a loan to us Yanks) in regard to her store and the Christmas sales were not what they’d hoped for. I do feel for her on this front. Its date night for her and her husband, who travels an awful lot for work. I believe her shoe closet is entirely worth it though. In discussing her latest phone call with Juliet, she sounds like a middle-schooler. I don’t know why, but it still surprises me when people who seem so sophisticated are reduced to total morons once the cameras are rolling. Lisa Vanderpump, we salute you. You’re the only one with any dignity left.

The Baroness (Caroline #2) is taking a trip to her homeland of Denmark. She lands in Copenhagen, which makes me remember signing a petition about them unnecessarily euthanizing zoo animals. Wanting to visit and crossing it off the list in the same second. I kind of like this Caroline, although my jury’s still out due to the other Caroline. She lost her mother at a young age and is very close to her grandmother.  OMG – her grandmother has the most fabulous teapot ever! It sort of looks like a cabbage head. I love that type of ceramic serving piece and have some of them myself. I once worked for Lord & Taylor’s corporate office across from the Fifth Avenue store, where they occasionally had sample sales for the employees. I was thrilled to snag a few for about 8 bucks each, since normally they were way out of my price league. That also tells you something about the markup.

Julie, Annabelle and Juliet are having lunch. I want to eat at every restaurant they show on here. Julie is talking about Caroline #1’s anti-apology.  Julie has told Annabelle about Caroline #1 getting nasty on the phone with Juliet, and Juliet isn’t happy about that. The other two think she’s afraid of Caroline. Yep, we’re still in high school.

Next week’s coming attraction shows them being at another event where they’re drinking. I just can’t imagine what the outcome will be. I just hope it doesn’t involve animal costumes.

September 27, 2015 — Fairy Tales, Zombies & Kim, Oh My!

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

This show seems like it’s written by a bunch of ex-Disney employees on cocaine. Or as Mr. Hand would say, “on dope.” And I mean that in a good way. You never know who is going to show up – Cinderella, King Arthur, the Wicked Witch of whatever direction is in vogue. I’m waiting for the Peanuts gang to stop by any second.

I’d watched some of the show before the season premiere, where the cast and writers answered fan’s questions. Apparently, this show has achieved mini cultlike status. I didn’t think I was the only one watching it, because it keeps getting renewed, but I hadn’t realized how attached many people are to it. They continually said that it’s a “story about hope.” I can’t say I read a lot into it myself, although I do have shows and movies I feel that way about, so I’m impressed. My reasons for watching are much more shallow. The fabulous sets and costumes, and Captain Hook. He ain’t Walt Disney’s Captain Hook. It is also a lot of fun, characters from every favorite childhood story, living normal lives in a parallel world, while they wield their magic in whatever world they came from, be it Neverland or an enchanted forest. Bet you never knew Snow White and Prince Charming had a daughter. Frankly, I never thought about it much either, but that was the crux of the story and it blossomed from there.

Note to whoever does blonde hair on television shows – stop giving the women those silver highlights. They look like they have grey hair. Unless that’s the look you’re going for. That being said, I want to know who designed Emma’s coat in tonight’s episode. It is beyond.

Commercial break. Shouldn’t the “Little People Big Animal Zoo” be called the “Little People Big Animal Habitat?” Just sayin’.

This season, they’re adding Camelot to the mix and I’m wondering if Monty Python’s Flying Circus will come along? The special effects are also a lot of fun, and tonight Sneezy got turned into stone and crumbled into dust. He never did get any respect.

And whatever happened to Pongo?

Fear the Walking Dead

I got confused for a second with it starting off with some guy talking about being a closer, saying he can sell anything but insurance, like he’s a leftover from an Allstate commercial. We’re in some kind of holding tank, which I assume is the quarantine area. Nick is also there.

All right! The Walking Dead is coming back October  11 – Daryl & zombies!

Daniel’s daughter, Ofelia, is hopping up and down and creating a scene at the fence. She wants to see her mother. She tries to get others to go along with her complaining, but no one wants to get involved. Andrew, a soldier she befriended earlier, intervenes. Some guy in the background has had enough and is quitting the soldier business.

In the infirmary, Liza has been recruited to help with the sick. Dr. Exner says they’re short staffed and doesn’t explain where some of the staff went. I’ll bet I can guess.

Meanwhile, back at Madison’s place Chris basically tells Travis he’s a pacifist tool and storms off. Madison finds that Daniel has captured Andrew, who I assume he’s going to pump for information. Andrew gives him a bunch of rhetoric, telling them everything is cool. We all know everything is not cool, except for Travis who lives in Dream Valley with the My Little Ponies. He’s gone off to reason with his buddy, Lt. Moyers, and more rhetoric is given. Travis tells him that if the people who were taken don’t come back soon, the town is not going to be happy. This was really a stupid move, since he gets taken to “see the doctor,” which I think is a euphemism for “you’re not coming back.”

Lieutenant Dickweed will be lucky if his own men don’t end up killing him.

Oh look! It’s a zombie! I’d almost forgotten that’s what this show is about. Moyers wants Travis to kill it – I guess to make some kind of point. IMO this is akin to the Mafia guys in movies who always want to recruit civilians to be hit men. Probably not a good idea if you really want to get the job done. Travis can’t do it, so Moyers does, proving that Travis is willing to let someone else do the dirty work.

Commercial break. Into the Badlands looks amazing. It’s some kind of samurai drama. I don’t need another show to watch though. TV has got to stop being so good. Love those beer ads about “the most interesting man in the world.” IRL, he’s an animal activist. I read this in an article titled, The Most Interesting Man in the World Just Got More Interesting.

Back at the infirmary, a soldier has come in with bite marks and everyone gets real busy real quickly. Travis and the soldiers drive through an evacuated area that’s not so evacuated, since it’s crawling with zombies. When the soldiers are done doing whatever, Travis is told they’re taking him a few blocks away from home and he has to walk the rest of the way. What?!  Thanks a lot!

Apparently, Daniel knows a thing or two about torture and is skinning one of Andrew’s arms. Whoa.  Chris and Alicia have broken into a rich person’s house, play with their expensive toys and try on their expensive clothes. (An homage to the original Dawn of the Dead perhaps?) In the quarantine area, the soldiers are taking everyone’s temperature with a device that they can use from a distance. Cool! Nick’s temp is high (probably from withdrawal), but the Allstate guy keeps him from getting hauled away.

Ofelia is not too happy about Daniel’s means of getting information and walks out of the house. Lots of storming off tonight, even though there’s nowhere to storm off to. Daniel explains to Madison that he had told his daughter about the war he’s been through, but not what part he played in it. He says that sometimes it’s necessary to be evil in order to eradicate evil. He didn’t use those exact words, but I paraphrased. Not bad, eh?

Liza is combing the place for Griselda. She finds her among other “patients” in a locked area where all the people are wrapped up in what look like cocoons. Dr. Exner comes up behind her, and tells her that they have “septic shock” and there isn’t anything anyone can do. I’m guessing these are the people closest to death and they’re being kept far away and confined.

Chris and Alicia trash the rich people’s house just like normal teenagers. Travis makes it home and sees Ofelia practically catatonic.  He is totally appalled at Daniel’s behavior, but hey, it worked. Andrew is spilling everything. It turns out the soldiers are all going to book and the civilians are going to be “humanely terminated.”

The Allstate guy is amused that the people who have everything are now being looked at as lunch. He knows what’s happening with the evacuation, and wants Nick’s help. I’m pretty sure that this guy doesn’t do anything without wanting a favor in return.

Griselda is babbling in Spanish about the past which means I have to read subtitles. Afterward, she promptly dies. Why they have un-cocooned her, I have no clue. That seems kind of dangerous, and the doctor has just said they all come back and to shoot her in the head with some kind of gun used for livestock, which Liza does.

Why the blip is Daniel roaming about alone at night? He wanders all the way to the Los Angeles Arena, where the soldiers have chained a whole load of zombies inside. He watches as the doors begin to shake, reminiscent of when Rick finds the chained doors in the first episode of The Walking Dead. The only thing missing is the warning DO NOT OPEN – DEAD INSIDE.

It looks like next week, we will get full on zombies.

Best quote by Lt. D-bag: I can do anything I want. I got guns.

Don’t Be Tardy

This is one of those shows that I can take or leave, but really enjoy it when I take it. Despite her recent airport tantrum (who hasn’t at least thrown one in their head?), Kim and the rest of the Biermanns seem like lovely, normal (albeit rich) people.

Tonight, Kim made a speech and she got my vote for best real quote of the night. Maybe the year. While addressing a group of women, she said, “Can you imagine if [women] truly shared what they know with each other, how successful they would be?” She said this after talking about how some women will resent others doing well. Brava, Kim! I’ve thought that for a long time.

Don’t Be Tardy also got the award of the millennium for being a true glimpse of reality. Their dog took a poop and promptly ate it, causing Troy to convulse in laughter, and the girls to screech at the top of their lungs. It doesn’t get more real than that.

Extra! Extra! I Started the Rocky Horror Show Cult

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While these aren’t exactly random, rambling thoughts on what I watched today, in honor of the 40th anniversary, HBO is having a midnight showing. Not quite the same as seeing it in the theatre, but an homage all the same.

Gather around, children, and you shall hear of the midnight show called Rocky Horror. I’ve often thought that I should write about it, and the time is now. Since I was just totally ignored by the new generation.

It was my first week in NYC. I was young, headed to acting school and the world was my oyster. A friend of mine had come along on the moving trip to get in a little R&R. My family was staying a couple of days and he was staying two weeks, but I was there permanently.  We were hanging out at a gay bar called The Ninth Circle in Greenwich Village, getting our drink on and meeting people. One of the people hanging out with us was the manager at the New Yorker movie theatre uptown. The Rocky Horror Picture Show had recently started its midnight run. He asked if we would like to go, tickets on him. I didn’t know much about it, but knew it was a musical, as I had seen the soundtrack for the L.A. production.

“Is it a horror film?” I asked.

“That depends on what you’re scared of,” he answered.

I was definitely intrigued and game for anything, so he told us to pick up the tickets at the box office that Friday night. He also handed us a joint. Smoke a joint? In a movie theatre? I wasn’t exactly naïve, but I had never heard of such a thing. Apparently, I wasn’t in Kansas Ohio anymore.

There weren’t too many people there, and my friend was pretty exhausted. He promptly fell asleep, leaving me to my own deductions, and an entire joint. At first, I didn’t know what to make of it, and it wasn’t because of the pot. When I saw Brad Majors (Barry Bostwick) dancing backward in a graveyard, I thought, Is this a joke? But by the end of the film, I thought if it was a joke, it was a well-written one.

A few weeks went by, my friend went back to Ohio, and I was already meeting loads of new people. The RHPS had stuck in my mind though, and I really wanted to see it again. I got together a few new friends, and we decided we would go to the Waverly in Greenwich Village, rather than schlep all the way uptown.

It was a totally different atmosphere there, crowded, the crowd brimming with excitement. We staked our claim on some balcony seats. At the time, there were no fans dressing up or yelling things, but there were a lot of joints being passed.

Rocky Horror had a highly addictive property, and it wasn’t the weed. It was a well-crafted film, to be sure. (Although, don’t shoot me, I actually think Richard O’Brien’s Shock Treatment is better and more relevant in a lot of ways.) The music is excellent, no stone left unturned in detail, and it couldn’t have been cast any better. But there was more to it than that. In 1976, the idea of “don’t dream it, be it” had found its perfect home in New York City. It was the right time at the right place.

At the time, I had also found the perfect home. While NYC will always be one of the greatest cities in the world, in the late 70s and early 80s, it was still affordable, and I’d landed there like Columbus discovering the New World. I was attending morning classes at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts (less impressive than it sounds) and living in the Webster Apartments, a women’s residence on West 34th Street. It was a cross between a dormitory and a Tennessee Williams play. Rooms with sinks, shared bathrooms on each floor, two meals a day included, and no men above the first floor (unless you were my dad, who insisted on inspecting it when I first arrived). If a guy showed up, you received a phone call from the front desk telling you that you had a “gentleman caller” and there were rooms on the first floor called “beau parlors” where you could receive your male company. You could also have a guy over for dinner, but he had to wear a jacket between October and May. If he didn’t have one, it could be provided for him at the desk, and that orange jacket got a lot of play from my friends. If you missed a meal, you could get a voucher for a friend, and broke friends need to eat. The meals were surprisingly good, cafeteria style, and there was often a sundae bar. Women weren’t excluded from the dress code either. While you were free to wear what you liked during the week, there were rules for the early Sunday dinner and you had to wear either a skirt or a pants suit. My grandmother had given me a polyester pants suit that I’m sure she thought was very chic (it wasn’t) and I can’t count the times I rolled out of bed on Sunday and into that suit and downstairs for the meal. It wasn’t always the most convenient place to live, but it was great for starting out and a good place to meet other women. I met my eventual roommate, Anna, there, who also became my cohort in Rocky Horror crime.

We started going downtown to the Waverly every Friday and Saturday. The line was long, the excitement was high (no pun intended), and I’m sure every merchant on West 4th Street hated us. Since the movie had originally bombed and been shelved, there was no soundtrack for the film, but the soundtrack for the LA Roxy cast was still available, so I immediately got a copy. We would often act out the musical numbers in our rooms after coming home. It wasn’t long before our private shows translated into audience participation.

The first person to dress up has never been mentioned in any of the books. I don’t know his name; otherwise, I’d totally give him props. One night, when it got to the part where Frankie asks if Janet heard “a bell ring,” someone in the balcony rang a bell, causing us all to convulse into laughter. I noticed the guy was dressed up like Eddie, the motorcyclist jazz musician played by Meat Loaf in the film. Afterwards, I sought him out and complimented him on his costume, which included the LOVE/HATE tattoos on Eddie’s knuckles. I asked him if they were real. “I’m a psychiatrist,” he told me. “If they were, my patients might get a little disconcerted.” Good point.

RHPS was a little like therapy, a way to let off some steam, without waking up with a hangover. At least I didn’t. I don’t know what other people were doing. Ironically, it was both therapeutic and addictive; both the rehab and the habit. We had made our home in the balcony, and made friends we saw week after week. The party started in the line that stretched down the block, where we waited to get in. We were always early, getting ready by nine and out by ten.

Louis, who sat in our row, was the first one to shout back at the screen. As Janet holds a newspaper over her head in the pouring rain, he yelled out, “Buy an umbrella, you cheap bitch!” A line that lives on to this day.

I went home for Christmas break, and it wasn’t long after my return that I got my first apartment, on West 27th Street, not far from where I was already. We walked most of my stuff over. I had a roommate for a while, a woman I had met at Webster, but it didn’t last very long. She had trouble adjusting to the city and decided to move back home. By then, I had my first job at Chargit. They took ticket orders for Broadway shows before Ticketmaster was the place to go. I’m sure it got absorbed by them at some point. Anna moved in with me, making it easier for us to be Rocky Horror fangirls together.

Our place was even decorated in early Rocky Horror. We purchased everything we could get our hands on. There wasn’t much merchandising , and certainly nothing like there is now. The only T-shirt you could get was one being sold at the record store near the Waverly.  It was black with the dripping words The Rocky Horror Show, sans Picture because it was from a stage play. My guess is that the store bought out someone’s stock and made a nice buck.  There were a couple of tchotchkes that had come with the Roxy soundtrack, but the Mecca of Rocky Horror movie stills, lobby cards and posters was Jerry Ohlinger’s Movie Material Store. We bought practically everything they had.

We also knew a couple who lived out in Queens, but attended the midnight show at the Waverly. He was a photographer and often took stills of the screen during the movie that he made into 8 x 10s.  I still have those stills (ha-ha). The best part was that no one else had those same pictures. When fans started selling buttons and T-shirts, we got those too.

People were starting to dress up, and found glitter platforms, fishnet gloves and stockings, and feather boas at the hooker stores in Times Square. NYC has everything, so costumes were not that difficult to put together. While Anna and I always dressed fabulously, we didn’t wear costumes and Rocky makeup as a general rule. Speaking of which, it’s so much easier today to find black lipstick and eye shadow. Back then, it was nearly impossible. We found it, but it took some work. We did do the full Rocky regalia one night when we were having an after party. I wasn’t about to wear a garter belt and fishnets on the subway, but I had this incredible 1940s black velvet coat with a beaver fur collar that I’d gotten for ten bucks at Trash & Vaudville on St. Mark’s Place and I wore it over my outfit.

Our apartment wasn’t big – a railroad flat, two rooms and a bathroom – but mostly college and acting students lived there, so no one cared about the late night noise, guests spilling out into the hall, or the funny smelling cigarettes some people were smoking. At one point, there was a banging on the door with the shout, “Open up! Police!” but it was only our upstairs neighbor, Jeff, wanting in on the fun. Later on, he became known as “Naked Jeff.”

After a night of such fine partying that someone drank the bong water (no, it was neither one of us), we had the brilliant idea to watch the sun rise from the apartment rooftop. What we forgot to think about was the height of our building, which was considerably shorter than those surrounding it. No sun rise for us, but we still enjoyed ourselves, chatting, smoking and wandering around. Until Jeff scared us half to death. All of a sudden, his head was peeking over the edge of the roof, which none of us had expected. He actually had every right to scare us, since we’d woke him up. As he came up the fire escape, we realized he wasn’t wearing anything. He wasn’t about to put on any clothes either, but at least he wasn’t mad, and hung out (literally) with us for a while as we watched the sun not rise.

Oh yeah, how it started. The first row of the balcony put you more on the level of the screen, and without seeing other audience members, gave you a certain intimacy with the film. One night, after Frankie sings I’m Going Home, several of us spontaneously stood up and applauded, along with the audience in the movie. It felt like we were in the movie. And that’s how the thought started. How fun it would be, I told Anna, if we tossed confetti during the Frankie/Rocky wedding scene, at the same time they do it on screen. It will fall on the audience below us and they’ll really feel like they’re a part of the movie. I was going back to Ohio for vacation and I’d also wanted to do something special, since I wouldn’t be at the Waverly for a while.

The audience was thrilled and, although it wasn’t the intention, the confetti throwing took off. Anna calls it a “private joke gone public,” and I tend to agree. When I got a letter (yes! we actually put pen to paper and wrote letters back then!) from my sister, who lived near a midnight showing in Cleveland Heights, telling me they were throwing confetti in the theatre there, I was astonished. Imagine my surprise that this even exists 40 years later, all over the world.

The confetti birthed holding newspapers over our heads when Janet did. The paper they hold in the film is the Plain Dealer and I was able to get copies from my father, and I gave them out. I recently sold the last one on eBay for $19.76, in honor of the first year I saw RHPS. Although several people tried it (not me!), it was a no-no to be holding candles so close to newspapers in a movie theatre (that pesky fire code), so that gave way to flashlights. Costumes started coming out, and a mini floor show. Lines were consistently being thrown back at the dialogue on screen. Some stuck and some didn’t. Luckily I got out of there before throwing toast and hotdogs started happening.

One night, after discussing how ridiculous it was that this was our entire social life, Anna and I decided to see another film. Had it been better – I believe it was The Excorcist 2; the title says it all – maybe we wouldn’t have still ended up at RHPS, but we did. By this time, we were getting in for free, although I have a ribbon with hundreds of ticket stubs attached to it. The film was already in progress, and as we approached the balcony stairs, there was a literal wall of smoke. We sat on the steps (breaking another fire code, I’m sure), spending another Saturday night the way we always did.

Probably about a year in, the floor show started to gain more prominence. The film itself started to gain more prominence. It had also lost a certain amount of spontaneity. It became kind of how socialism is good in theory, but someone always wants more and turns it into communism. A few people wanted to take charge of something that had taken flight from a genuine want to make the audience equal with the film. Individuality — don’t dream it, be it – was what the movie was all about for me, and it was time to move along.

Anna and I did attend one of the anniversaries, where our picture was also taken for Sal Piro’s book, Creatures of the Night. A great read – I highly recommend it, as well as his sequel.  Although our perspectives differ somewhat, it’s a wonderful depiction of the phenomenon that RHPS became. He certainly doesn’t mention weed – and for all I know, he was squeaky clean back then; we didn’t really hang out together – and that was a big part of it. Hey, it was a big part of the 70s.

I’ve had a bootleg copy since the first one was made, but there’s nothing like seeing it on the big screen with those who are like-minded. Before I moved away from the city, Sal called and asked me to come to an anniversary event (the 20th?). Since my husband was a “virgin,” I thought it would be fun. And it was, but in some ways, it had already become homogenized. Little bags of props were being sold, along with rice for the wedding in the beginning. The audience also seemed to have a comeback for every line in the film. To me, this lessened the experience of the movie itself. If everyone was just waiting for their cue, how could they be comprehending what was on screen?

I can assure you, I’ve never once introduced myself like I need a 12-step program. Hello. I’m Theresa and I started the Rocky Horror Show cult. Although it has bumped into me along the way. Like the night at karaoke when it came up in conversation. This led to someone thinking I was making it up. Now there was a surprise. Who in their right mind would make something like that up? If I was going to choose my 15 minutes, it wouldn’t have been that. But to save my reputation, I brought  Sal’s book with me the next time I was there. Even after all these years, it’s obvious that’s me. The even weirder thing was, someone mentioned it to the KJ who was working the sound. It turned out he was there at the Waverly back in the day. Talk about a small world.

I was almost at the 40th anniversary in Manhattan this weekend, but decided to write this instead and save my money for Halloween. Seeing it was sold out, I shot an email to the person in charge, asking for them to take pity on a RHPS “pioneer” (Sal’s term), and writing a little anecdote, along with a copy of the picture from the book. I could have heard an internet pin drop. They replied, but what they said was it was sold out, but I could get tickets for the midnight show at the Ziegfeld and sent me a link to the movie theatre. Ouch! Not even a nice-to-meet-you.

I got a follow up email, telling me someone was looking to sell their weekend pass, but I decided to take a pass, telling them thanks, but no thanks.

And with that, I officially retire my corset.

September 25, 2015 — Twice the GH & Blaster Zombies

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital – Part 1 — Thursday

Why did Carly just say that Ava got pregnant on purpose? She wasn’t there, but I was, and I distinctly remember that scene in the mausoleum. It was pretty much a surprise to both parties and the audience. Nice try.

You’d think just hearing “Jason” every five minutes would have cured “Jake’s” amnesia by now.  He and Elizabeth have set a November 6 date for their wedding, which is the same date she asked him to move in with her. Hmmm…maybe this will end up being a wedding reveal

It’s Sam & Jason’s anniversary, so to celebrate, she wants to hunt down whoever shot Sonny.

Ava has a court order to reinstate her parental rights, so lots of back and forth with her and Carly in the community center hospital. Stop acting so smug, Morgan.  You certainly didn’t care so much about this when you were busy ripping off “Denise’s” clothes. Morgan once again becomes the voice of reason and tells Carly that she needs to hand Avery over, or she’ll be in violation of the court order. Which no one has actually looked at, so it could be a take-out menu for all they know. (It isn’t. I’m just sayin’.)

Is it me, or are they using some really crappy foundation makeup on this show lately? I’m not saying they need to look perfect (Eastenders, anyone?), but that’s the goal on American soaps, so unless this is some new angle, they’re failing miserably. This is also the downside of HDTV. You can see every nostril hair on everyone.

Paul gives Alexis his I’m-only-in-it-for-the-nobility song and dance. And she believes it. I’m wondering how Alexis even made it to the age that she is, since her gullibility is off the charts. She returns to Julian in her happy place, telling him Paul is “cautiously open-minded” about Julian’s innocence and makes noises about him being a good guy. Meanwhile, Paul is on the phone to Ava plotting Sonny’s demise.

Ha-ha! Baby Avery does not want to leave those gorgeous earrings of Ava’s alone. Having been a mother before, she should know better than to wear danglers while holding an infant. They’ve finally taken a look at it, and the court order says Ava has to give the custodial parent (i.e. Sonny, no, not you, Carly) 24 hours notice before taking her, so for now Ava leaves her with Carly, who will have to break that news to Sonny.

Once again, I’m astounded at baby Avery’s acting skills. Normally, I respond to children on soaps like W.C. Fields, but this one is impressive. The next Starr or Robin maybe?

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Just a note about Watch What Happens Live – What horrifying thing is Pam Anderson wearing? Did she make that herself?

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General Hospital – Part 2 – Friday

I’m assuming for some reason they’re not allowed to use flashbacks with Steve Burton, since we just saw the back of “Jake’s” head in one.  Um…wouldn’t he be looking like his old self, pre plastic surgery, in these memories? Speaking of which, when Jake first showed up, there was a Helena Cassadine tie-in, and it was assumed he learned his tricks of the trade from her, but is no one interested as to how he ended up with her in the first place? I somehow don’t think I’d just be shrugging that off.

“How funny,” Jake says, “that I just had one of your memories, Sam!” He didn’t really say that, but he might as well have.

Baby Avery continues to blow my mind. I love how Sonny is going on about Ava having killed Connie, like he’s squeaky clean. Michael and Morgan continue to hang out in the hospital waiting room, and now Ric has joined them. Why no one has fired him for incompetence yet, I’ll never know. I wouldn’t let this guy represent the squirrel who’s been getting in my bird feeder. On top of it, no one seems to know how the court system works, least of all, Ric.

Cool! Ava is going to represent at a mob sit down. Apparently, the other mob bosses want answers about Sonny’s shooting. Not that I have any experience with this, but you’d think they’d have infiltrators who gather that sort of information. Frankly, I think that Sonny just imports really good coffee and they like sitting down for a klatch.  Ric wants to go to the sit down too, because, coffee.

Morgan wants to go too. They must also serve doughnuts. Or maybe BLTs from Kelly’s. Don’t these people have somewhere else to have a conversation? Now it looks like they’re in some utility room.

Boy, is Elizabeth pushing Patrick to push Sam into marriage. Even Patrick is wondering why.

Sam pulls out those dragon knickknacks that she carries everywhere with her. And “Jake” eats them. Sorry, but this is getting boring unless he’s going to remember who he is.

I feel sorry for that unknown guy who’s been guarding Sonny’s door. It’s a thankless job for sure.

Paul, who looks like every arrogant executive I’ve ever known, tells Ava that she has to set up Julian to take the fall for Sonny’s shooting. I’m not too sure why any of the other “bosses” would even care, since they all were after Sonny at some point. Oh come on! Nobody talks like these mob guys. Not in 2015. The writers must have used The Godfather as a reference.

Oh, this is really nice. Just as Ava sits down at the table, ABC breaks in to give me an update on the Pope. I so appreciate this. I have nothing against him, and actually like him, but they couldn’t wait one freaking minute? And once again to show nothing. It’s not even like he’s pontificating or something. He’s not even on the screen. Heaving huge sigh and emailing ABC.

Z Nation

Murphy has the best of both worlds, but I guess also the worst. He’s somewhat immortal and has certain powers, but he can still enjoy things like food and sex. On the other hand, like Ives said in Ravenous, “It’s lonely being a cannibal. It’s tough making friends.”

I just thought I saw an homage to Death Proof – the way we saw a car going by in the distance – but maybe I just watch too much of this stuff. Who the hell remembers how a car looked passing by?

Operation Bite Mark comes across a convoy of trucks and tanks, who have been ambushed by some renegades and a mini-war is on. You’d think, as with The Walking Dead, that any living humans would band together and FA. After the dust settles, it turns out the convoy is a group transporting survivors to Edmonton, where it’s cold, which the zombies hate. They’ve been poisoned by the radiation and some are on the verge of dying. OBM is invited along and decide to join up. For now. Roberta tells Addy that the truck with the dying people is “a zombie bomb waiting to go off.”

One of the group claims to have some good “seaweed,” so Murphy and Doc join him in his car to go back to the 70s. Seaweed guy mentions that zombies are being used as compost where the weed is grown, which gives Murphy pause while smoking the joint. Are they smoking zombies? Yuk! I’d rather eat those insect protein bars from Snowpiercer. Murphy and Doc are now high as kites.

Apparently, the radiated zombies (called “blasters”) hunt in packs, are very fast and only eat brains. Zombie subculture. The first truck is magnificent, with all kinds of shields and pointy things, a silver buck’s head, and a zombie head on the front, and a tattered American flag up top. Uh-oh. Murphy is getting Cassandra high. No good can come of this.

No good is coming from them meeting up with the renegades again either. My first heart attack of the night is when they surround Doc and his new seaweed buddy, who have taken the car they were smoking in. Cassandra comes to the rescue, and they ditch the car. The leader of the caravan, Custer, isn’t happy about the renegades stealing it. Murphy is getting some really bad vibes and sure enough, some blasters pop out of nowhere. This show is so relentless!

Murphy tries to tap into the zombies’ minds, but it’s not working the way it usually does and they all make a dash for the truck. In the meantime, Custer argues with Roberta over going back for the car, and it turns out that their entire water supply was in it.  Custer blames seaweed guy for the whole fiasco, and makes him get in the back of the bus truck with the radiated regular people. These blasters are pretty scary, since they move fast and weirdly.  They remind of something out of the old Creepy comic books.

Commercial break. It’s those Yellow Labs in the Subaru. If all commercials were like that, I’d watch them. Once again Crimson Peak looks amazing. Even if the story ends up stinking, it looks like it’s worth seeing for the cinematography.

They find the car and Cassandra along with it. She’s dispatched the car jackers. While Custer is arguing (again) with Roberta about who’s going to drive what, Murphy takes off with Cassandra in the car. Addy finds out that Custer’s son is one of the radiated people in the back of the last truck.

Here it comes….ohshitohshitohshitohshit…..

Custer’s son has died and is now a zombie, and zombified the others riding with him, except for Addy, who is shooting at the group of blasters quickly catching up on foot from behind. I told you they were fast. Addy is totally surrounded.

10K pulls her up and over the truck cab – there are zombies crawling all over the place now, and the live people are maneuvering all around. This is all just crazy. They come across a wall of furniture that’s been set on fire by the zombies. Does this mean they can reason? Or at least build a wall and set it on fire? Custer doesn’t want anyone else to drive his truck, but he’s fading fast and Roberta shares the wheel, helping to knock the main zombie off of the truck and into the wheel action underneath. Nice. OBM, following Roberta’s lead, collectively leap off the truck. It’s kind of sad, as Custer is left alone in a truck covered with zombies. We don’t actually see him die, but trust me, he’s dead.

Murphy has decided to take a road trip with Cassandra and seaweed guy. Seaweed guy has told Murphy that the place where the weed was from is an old GMO lab where they’re also trying to find an herbal cure for the zombie condition. So they head for Minneapolis. The rest of OBM will no doubt be following them.

Where was Citizen Z this week???

I’m surprised the Parents Television Council isn’t all over this show. Don’t get me wrong. I agree with them on a lot of things, and maybe the day will come when we can just pay for individual networks, but I also want more sophisticated entertainment than what’s on the Hallmark channel.

BTW, the Sy – we can’t spell – Fy channel tells me that this isn’t a TV show, it’s “an experience.”

September 23, 2015 – GH, LA Women & Listings

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Morgan has his own logic going on about going to a shrink. Yes, he promised he would go, but he promised he would go after the wedding, and the wedding didn’t happen, so now he doesn’t have to keep his promise.  I guess he’s not going to get in trouble for shooting Julian? Now Julian and Alexis are relaxing, while Julian nurses his wound with…an ice bag. Giving him the Tough Guy of the Year Award.

Sam is weeping over her old wedding ring and boxing up her Jason memories as Patrick serenades us on his new guitar. This is giving me a headache. The other thing hurting my head is Elizabeth and Jake. Although I appreciated Jason in a nostalgic kind of way (as he was one of the Quartermaine clan), he was never one of my favorites, but I do like “Jake,” and desperately want to see his real identity revealed. You’d think Elizabeth would have even half a clue. The longer she stretches this out, the worse it’s going to be for her when he eventually finds out from someone else. Actually, that’s the only thing making it all worth it for me. She’s pushing him for a wedding date, like that might save this situation instead of piling more karma on.

What’s all this lady mob boss talk about Ava? I don’t remember her really having much to do with that other than being Julian’s sister. Paul is telling Dillon all about how he scored the DA job and how he’s going to put her away along with all the other mobsters. In the meantime, Ava has told Scotty he can earn a cool million by getting Avery back for her. Yes, I’m aware they call him “Scott” now, but he’ll always be Scotty to me. We grew up together. Love Ava’s earrings and how they match her dress. Maybe orange is the new black. Ha-ha! Dillon is talking about how noble Paul is. I’m guessing it will be another year before his real intentions are revealed.

Morgan has a moment of clarity when Carly says Ric will be helping them with Avery’s custody case, and says they shouldn’t trust him. Carly says they have no choice (huh?) and that he’s a very talented attorney. Talented at getting himself in trouble maybe, but I haven’t seen much evidence of that (no pun intended). It’s bothering me that Morgan is the voice of reason about anything.

Holy crap! Ava just showed up at the hospital and Avery looked at her and said, “Mom.” Sign that kid up for life. It’s unusual for an infant to even look at one of the actors, much less respond to them appropriately.

Survivor Cambodia: Second Chance

I haven’t watched Survivor in a long time, but I’m thinking of going back in this season. I’ve dabbled in it here and there, but I kind of stopped watching seriously after Pearl Islands. Jonny Fairplay lying about his grandmother’s death was such a brilliant move, I didn’t think it could ever be topped. It’s like how, when you read a really good book, you don’t want to read another one for a while.

This time they’re in Cambodia, and the cast is made up of players who have already been in the game before. It’s also entirely made up of players that fans have voted for. For some, it’s been as long as 15 years. And it looks like it. I’m thinking that any body fat these people have will be gone by the end of the game.

As usual, the playing field is gorgeous, and I’d totally love to be there if I was staying in a hotel. I readily admit, I wouldn’t last five minutes in this game. I’d be crying for my tablet and hair dryer. I would have made a lousy pioneer too.

At the beginning of the game, I don’t even try to remember everyone’s names. That won’t happen until it’s narrowed down to like six of them. This time, the first challenge is the same as the first one on the very first Survivor. The challenges always cause my brain to freeze. Even if I made it to the first one, I’d never make it through the first one. I wouldn’t even remember the list of instructions.

Until Andy Cohen came along, I was convinced Jeff Probst was the antichrist of reality TV.  The website says Jeff has a “spunky” attitude. Is that what we’re calling “antagonistic” now?

It figures this has to be on for 2 hours tonight. I’ll be back, but for now I’m switching over to…

Little Women LA

The ladies are going to the racetrack, so Terra and Tonya are making fancy hats. I went to the Belmont Stakes once, but I didn’t wear a hat at all. I’d never been to a horse race before, and I was pretty surprised at how quick a race is. I don’t know what it was I’d expected – maybe more of a marathon than a sprint. I placed a small bet, but didn’t win anything except a drunk trying to pick me up near the ladies room.

Brianna never showed for the second day of the video shoot, feeling she gave Tonya enough time. She’s bitching to Matt about the girls. I still don’t have a handle on him yet. He seems okay, but I respect Terra’s judgment. Even the rest of the ladies, with the exception of Jasmine, don’t like him much either.

Huge surprise. Christy had once been the victim of domestic violence, which resulted in her needing neck surgery and contributed to her subsequent alcoholism (which we did know about). She’s meeting with a doctor to see if there’s something that can be done about the pain she’s still suffering from. She has two bulging disks and will need surgery before she can try to get pregnant again.

I’m just going to say it. I don’t think Brianna can sing all that well. This kind of means nothing, since Kim Zolciak had a hit single and they can make anyone sound good, but she has the opportunity to work with Berry Gordy’s son, Kerry, so she needs to get it together. She doesn’t seem to take criticism well either, which will make it tough for her in the music biz. She says she “wasn’t prepared” for it. Brianna, people pay big money for that criticism. It’s called instruction. I studied musical comedy with the guy who originally directed The Fantasticks. Two weeks out of the year, the woman who’d first played the lead in that show would sub for him when he went to Texas to direct it fresh there. It was the worst. She loved everything we did, which gave us all nothing to work on. Time and dollars wasted.

Tonya’s cousins are grilling her boyfriend, which seems a little late in the game, since they’ve been seeing each other for a while. Tonya says she would like him to take the lead more. Good luck with that, Lil Boss.

Elena is getting her dresses together for her vow renewal – a white one for the ceremony and a red one for the reception. She’s wearing this neon violet lipstick in her interview segments that I’m not so sure I like, but she’s so gorgeous, it really doesn’t matter. She asks Terra to be her matron of honor.  I hate that title. I also had a matron of honor and understand it’s the distinction between an attendant who is married and one who isn’t, but since it’s a variant of the word “matronly,” it doesn’t come off as sounding very attractive.

Off to the races! Everyone gets a hat, they watch one race up close and then head to the box where there’s booze and food. They discuss throwing a bachelorette party for Elena. She says that since she’s been married for 4 years, it’s a little late for penises other than her husband’s, so they decide on a spa day. Now they’re eating some giant ice cream concoction that I wish I had a spoon in. Brianna is being a stick in the mud because no one is talking about throwing a party for her. Maybe I missed something, but as far as I know, she doesn’t even have a date set yet. Tonya brings up Brianna not showing up for day two of the video shoot and how things like that cost money.(Are those Van Cleef & Arpels earrings on Brianna’s ears?) This quickly degenerates into a conversation about Matt – right in front of him like he’s not there. Jasmine, who is literally sitting in the middle of the argument, with hand gestures happening in front of her face, decides to leave.

Tonya uses one of my favorite phrases, telling Brianna that she’s “the common denominator” in the problems. Tonya’s boyfriend looks like he’s zoning out. Brianna claims she isn’t jealous of Elena’s upcoming vow renewal event, but she just got done whining “what about me,” and she’s not fooling anyone. Terra suggests she and Matt leave. Ouch!

It looks like a secret will be revealed next week involving Brianna and Matt. Could they be married already?

Million Dollar Listing LA

We start off with Josh F. sending Josh A. a glitter bomb. He hates glitter. So do I. It gets in places it was never even near and won’t go away. I hate Play-Doh too. It gets in the treads of your shoes and you will never, ever get it out.

I’m starting to think that maybe these brokers do earn those high commissions, since a lot of the sellers are d-bags who think they can sell their properties for more than they’re worth. I can understand this somewhat from the broker’s point of view. I occasionally sell things for other people on eBay. They’ll see that someone else has the same pair of sunglasses they own, and it’s being listed for $7000, and they want me to do the same. But in their eagerness for cash, they don’t research it thoroughly enough. What they failed to discover is that those sunglasses have been sitting there for years, there’s been one offer, and the seller didn’t take it because he still thinks he can make that much. I can list everything for a million dollars, but it doesn’t mean anyone will buy it at the price. Like I always say, it’s worth what it’s worth to the person who wants it.

Josh A. is having the same problem with his client and even pointing out comps isn’t helping. It’s worse than trying to convince a woman she has to eat to lose weight. While anything is possible (especially with the magicians on this show), he also wants a done deal in 48 hours. Okay.

Josh F.’s grandmother, Edith,recently passed away. She was a feisty old broad, who lived a colorful life, and I’m going to miss her appearances on the show. She helped save quite a few Jewish lives during WWII and even had some notches in her belt for shooting Nazis. They don’t make them like that anymore. Oscar Schindler’s great nephew has sent a condolence letter, and Josh’s husband has had it framed. Very impressive.

David and James are two guys who look like brothers (they’re best friends since the beginning of time) and, like Simon McCord from The Real Housewives of NYC, would be great candidates for Graham Norton’s Gay or Eurotrash? game (Eurotrash). They’re having an open house designed after Burning Man. Although that’s another reason these guys deserve the bucks they get. The expense of staging houses and having parties to show them comes out of their pockets, and it can get very pricey.

Commercial break. Crimson Peak looks like an absolutely incredible film, but now that the price of movie tickets is close to that of a small car (thank goodness for the dollar store, or I’d have to take out a second mortgage to get snacks), I’ve gotten really picky. I hate when you see the best part of the film in the trailer and you spend the rest of the film wondering why you just threw your money in the toilet. This one looks promising though. And I can’t wait for Quentin Tarantino’s Hateful Eight to open on Christmas. I saw Django Unchained on Christmas, thinking there would be no one at the theatre. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I was lucky I got a seat.

Houdini Josh A. has worked some miracle and sold the loathsome client’s house at the price he wanted. He outmaneuvered the slick investor he was working with. It is kind of fun watching the way these guys work.

James David (seriously, they look alike) is showing another broker a house for their client. The seller is supposed to be away, but the locks have been changed, there are cars in the driveway, and there’s a Rottweiler barking on the other side of the fence. Nice.

September 22, 2015 — GH, Queens, Tyler Perry & Tequila

Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

You’d think after all she’s been though, on top of being a Cassadine, Alexis could control her freak out when hearing a gunshot better. Too bad it was Julian who got shot instead of Morgan, although both of them could disappear and I’d be okay with that. Julian is down, but not out yet.

I need some kind of chart or graph to keep what kids are whose straight. Hey, you watch the same show for literally 50 years and let’s see how well you do.

Is Sonny hallucinating or does he know something about Jake being Jason? That would be a real twist, giving Sonny the reveal. Oh, why not? I’d actually hoped for Laura to return and get that job, but since it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen, they can draw straws at this point for all I care. Just, please, let’s get to it already.

Commercial break. Oh crap. Once Upon a Time is premiering this weekend. While right now it won’t throw a wrench into Sundays, it will eventually. There always seems to be one day in the week where I have to stay up half the night to catch everything. I still have the finale from last season’s Once in the black hole that is my DVR. Pope Francis is also headed this way, which should make for some stellar traffic jams in the city.

Ha-ha! Elizabeth looks like she’s about to pass out. Good. And seriously, “Jake” doesn’t seem like an idiot. Has it never once crossed his mind that he might be Jason? Or even anyone else from Port Charles?

What the blip is Michael doing, showing up there with no weapon? Even wounded, Julian could probably get away, since Michael and Morgan are so busy blabbing. Michael thinks logic is going to work here. Really? He tells Morgan that Sonny sent him to stop Morgan throwing his life away. We’ll see if Morgan buys it.

Ric (whose name I’ve been spelling wrong) is trying to talk his way back into the good graces of the PC court system. (That would be Port Charles. These days, I realize that might need clarification.) While I don’t like his character all that much, I love the acting skills of Rick Lansing. (Rick playing Ric!) He does a great annoyed and flustered. Paul has replaced Ric as District Attorney. That was quick! My favorite soap character job switch was when Bo from One Life to Live went from being a radio DJ to being Police Commissioner overnight. At least Paul was a lawyer already.

Dillon…Maxie…Dillon’s movie… These are the kinds of storylines I used to fast forward through in the old days, when we taped things on the VCR.

This is pretty good, with Carly playing along with Sonny that “Jake” is Jason. I’m rooting for Elizabeth to have a heart attack. At least she’s already at the hospital.

Holy! Michael’s blathering worked! I want Alexis to stop making those cartoonish soap faces though. Her hair always reminds me of Cruella de Vil as it is. Even though Morgan has packed up his pistol, Michael tells Julian it’s not over because he agrees that Julian had Sonny shot. Boy, would he be surprised to know the truth.

Paul should have been a salesman. I’m ready to throw in with him. “Jake” wants to help out in stopping Morgan (a day late and a dollar short), and Elizabeth is trying to boss him around. Go away already.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME. They just broke in to the last 2 minutes of the show to report on the Pope’s plane landing in Washington DC. I mean we’re looking at the plane sitting there and that’s it. He’s probably still sitting in his seat, iPad in hand, not believing that they just cut in to the end of General Hospital. This is almost, but not quite, as bad as when they broke in the day we were finally seeing what happened in Luke’s past. ABC had to make all kinds of apologies that time. Did they learn nothing?

Scream Queens

I’m taking a chance on DVR’ing this, but it’s the finale of The Haves & the Have Nots, so I’m only watching the first hour.

It revolves around a sorority, Kappa something (KKT), and a stalker/killer in a devil outfit. One that looks hot and uncomfortable. Jamie Lee Curtis (always worth watching) is Dean Munch, which leads to jokes that I’m sure shouldn’t be aired before 10 pm. Jamie Lee reminds me of Dean Wormer in Animal House. She hates sororities. Somebody has to put their foot down, and that foot is her. She makes some rule that the sorority has to open its membership to everyone, and brings in a bunch of “misfits,” again reminding me of Animal House.

I’d kill for main (evil) character Chanel #1’s closet. The main (good) character, Liz, wants to join KKT because it’s her dead mother’s legacy. Her dad tells her sororities are like Game of Thrones. Since I had the brilliant idea to go to acting school instead of college, I have no clue about them, but my sister and her peers decided to rebel by ignoring pledge week and sororities. This was in the hippie days when being a non-conformist meant something.

Commercial break. The 5th Wave looks like an incredible movie, but if it’s not even rated yet, this means I could be watching this commercial for the next year. I like Good Day New York, but there’s really nothing they can do to make my mornings “fun.” Just give me coffee.

At the end of the first hour, Chanel #1 has killed Miss Bean, the house maid whom she calls “White Mammy.” The first of Chanel’s “minons” (all named “Chanel” and called by number) is killed by the devil stalker. The dialogue is done by texts between the murderer and the victim, culminating with the victim calling for help via Facebook, rather than calling 911. I’m not sure if this is a comment on the stupidity of people today or their dependence on social media or something else.

This looks like a fun show, although a little risqué to be on at 8. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but I am appropriate. And nobody wants to answer kids’ questions before their time.

Tyler Perry’s Temptation Tuesday

This is comprised of his nighttime dramas, The Haves & the Have Nots, and If Loving You is Wrong. Both shows are over-the-top old school style of soap. The main difference being that the latter is totally focused on middle-class families. Most of the characters are doing all right, but there are no real “haves.”

Obviously, I’m not alone in feeling that Tyler Perry has fulfilled a need left by the departure of shows such as Dallas and Dynasty, and given them a fresh spin. They might not be up for any Emmys, but people are tuning in and enjoying these updates on the classics.

Tonight was unusual in that both shows were on back to back. While The Haves & the Have Nots was having its finale, If Loving You is Wrong was starting its new season. Even the beginning credits are reminiscent of the daytime soaps in the 80s and I love it!  It starts the way it ended last season, with a scene that was the height of pure soapiness.

Alex has just had her baby. It’s hanging in the balance whether the father is her Caucasian husband, Brad, or her married African American neighbor, Randall, with whom she was having an affair. (This was all exposed prior to her going into labor.) All of her girlfriends are at the window where you stare at the newborns. They gasp and stare in silence. One of them says the baby is black. Another says, “How are we going to tell Brad”?

“Tell me what?” Brad says, having just walked in behind them.

DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Below Deck

Leon turns out to be kind of a lazy cook, which I can totally identify with, but I don’t work on a yacht.

It’s not starting off well. Some kind of tequila, that most of the guests have put on their preference sheets, isn’t in stock. Kate explains that a lot of the time, guests list things they never ask for and when something is particularly hard to get, it’s not a priority. She realizes now that it is a priority.

On top of it, the weather is not cooperating, so the guests’ requested water activities won’t be happening. I think I would be just fine, lazing around the yacht, top-of-the-line alcohol, food and service at my beck and call, but apparently some people get bored with that. This makes me take note that I’ve never once seen anyone reading while on these charters. I’ve always taken reading material on vacation.

Does it bother anyone else when, while watching an episode of a show, they air a commercial for next week’s episode of the same show? And add that it’s an “all new episode” when it’s only the third one of the season?

A new deckhand is coming to replace dickweed Don. (Ha-ha! Spell check tried to change that to duckweed. Fie on you, spell check, and I trump your correction.) Rocky is still insane, crying one minute and making up Broadway tunes about laundry the next. I don’t think this girl belongs at this job. Or maybe any job. Hope she can find a rich guy to marry. New guy Dane is too young, surfer dude looking for me, but the girls all think he’s hot.

Kate says it’s not a good sign when the guests go to bed early and would rather sleep than hang out on the boat. A couple of the lady guests try to entice Dane and Emile into the hot tub. Emile plays by the rules of no fraternization, but Dane almost gets in the tub and needs a mini-lecture on how to draw the line between having fun with the guests and having too much fun with the guests.

The weather still sucks, and Kate creates a party for the guests where they play a slightly rude, seafaring version of Twister. Lo and behold, here comes a boat bearing the liquor the guests could so desperately not live without. (The bottle cost $350, but there’s no mention of what the delivery must have cost.) I think these guests are bored because they’re boring. All is well once the booze gets on board. I hate tequila, so I’m failing to see how this was a make or break factor on the charter. I can’t wait to see what the tip is.

Whoa — 25 large! Having to entertain bored, boring people is totally worth it. Captain Lee gives Eddie some advice while they lounge in the hot tub. Eddie needs to get it together with his girlfriend because his mind isn’t totally on his work. The main thing I hear is that Captain Lee is married. Yep. All the good ones are married or gay.