Monthly Archives: September 2015

September 17, 2015 — GH & 100 New York Wives

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

I had an appointment – ok, I went to lunch with a karaoke friend – so I DVR’d it. Glad to see the hospital machines attached to Sonny are in working order now.  Carly was getting dangerously close to one of those tubes though, when she was petting his face.

Morgan is going apesh*t on TJ, grilling him about who Charlie’s boss is, and generally acting crazy. He doesn’t know. Accept it.

Lots of tension at the police station with the Dante/Valerie tryst, but no real moving forward with the storyline. I can’t wait!

Sonny’s daughter, Kristina, arrives on the scene at Alexis’s place. I’ve given up trying to keep whose kids are whose at this point. There are so many baby daddies and mamas, I need a scorecard.

Scotty has blackmailed Ava out of 5 million, in exchange for the flash drive that holds her confession to Connie Falconeri’s murder. Since this evidence has “disappeared,” Ava is a free woman. For now.

Julian is still swearing he’s innocent and more mushy stuff with Carly and Sonny, and Kristina and Sonny in the hospital.

The ending wasn’t bad though. Just when I thought it was nearly a total loss and I shouldn’t have bothered, Scotty and Ava arrive at his place to find it tossed. And no doubt the flash drive is gone. Morgan is also on his way to Julian’s with a gun.

The Real Housewives of NYC: 100th Episode Special

Eight years? Has it really been eight years? Only the OC Wives had been aired when NYC began, making them the beginning of the franchise. It was originally going to be called Manhattan Moms, but they don’t really explain why it was changed. I just can’t imagine it being called that.

In the first minute, this is already fun because they’re showing some clips from the Wives’ audition tapes, interspersed with individual interviews with Andy at the clubhouse. Right away, I miss Alex and Simon. And I don’t miss Jill Zarin, who declined to take part in this show. Because, you know, she is the be all and end all, and can’t believe it’s continued without her. You got fired. Get over it.

Ramona goes on once again about how weird she thought Alex and Simon were, especially since they never wanted to go out apart. Um…who’s still married? I know, I know, I’m being mean, but I’m not too fond of Ramona, who, despite her “new beginnings,” needs to get her nose out of the air. Ramona admits to not being welcoming to Alex and Simon because she felt they were co-dependent and didn’t like it. How mature of her. Simon always reminded me of someone they’d pick to be a contestant on Graham Norton’s made-up game, Gay or Eurotrash? Ramona had a lot of tense moments involving those two. And I think she’s weirder than the both of them put together.

There are some clips from the various trips they’ve taken, and I’m with the Countess, my favorite being their trip to Morocco. The markets look fabulous, and of course there was that bucking camel who almost threw the Countess. It’s interesting to see how the Countess has changed over the years. We’ve gone from “introduce me as Mrs. de Lesseps” to “don’t be all uncool.” In her underwear. Bethenny says she didn’t even know what a countess was before meeting the Countess.  To be honest, I don’t know all the particulars either, but my husband is a marquis and I can tell you that the title and three bucks will get you on the subway in NYC.

Interesting how some watched the OC show prior to being on the NYC one, but others didn’t. I’m not sure if I would or not. It’s almost like deciding if you should read the book before you do the movie. Almost.

Ha-ha! Bethenny says Jill can smell D-list fame like a dog smelling steak. I’ll bet Aviva can too.

Alex and Simon were nothing compared to Kelly, who didn’t even seem to exist on the same planet as the rest of us. Confusing Al Sharpton with Jack Nicholson is pretty out there. And today she blames the other women for an unmarketable time period after the show was aired. Like her behavior had nothing to do with it.

Oh yeah, here comes One Season Cindy. Remember her? Me neither. Heather says her first day of shooting was like the first day of summer camp. What kind of camp did she go to? Was this in the Berkshires?

The whole Jill/Bethenny feud – if that’s what you want to call it – was kind of sad. It seems that Jill thought of them as some kind of team, and when Bethenny’s career took off without her, she got mean. (Ooh, that almost rhymed.) Bethenny tells Andy that it’s not like she was in a girl band. Apparently, after that season ended, Bethenny thought all was well, but Jill waited until the cameras were rolling again to create a scene. She wanted to make Bethenny look bad, but it backfired, and she got fired. Bethenny says that Jill did indeed help to get her on the show, she became the most successful of the Wives, and Jill could have been along for the ride with her, but “pigs get fat; hogs get slaughtered.” In other words, she wanted it all, but ended up with nothing.

One of the greatest moments in Housewives history was when Aviva threw her artificial leg on the table at La Cirque, stating that it was the only fake thing about her. She tells Andy he’s welcome, and admits to having planned it. Um, we figured that out pretty quickly, since one of those isn’t removed in 5 seconds. Let’s hope not anyway. She says “somebody had to put their foot down.” What a card! When asked for her reaction to the leg incident, the Countess says her first thought was that there’s a dirty shoe near the silverware. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have thought the same. Bethenny also talks about how Aviva was concerned she might not make it onto the show, but Bethenny reassured her that anyone who’d slept with two of the Wives exes and had one leg would be a shoo-in. I’m a card too.

Another great shining Aviva moment. When she declared that Truman Capote was the ghostwriter for To Kill a Mockingbird. Enough said about Aviva.

Oh yeah, I’d forgotten about how, during the first reunion, it was brought up that Alex had posed nude and Ramona left the stage. (BTW, nice crotch shot as she was getting up – what a lady! I hadn’t noticed that before.) This was a seriously ridiculous moment. And it wasn’t even like she posed for Hustler or something. They were art photos. Ramona is bizarrely hypocritical.

Aww! Bethenny is getting all weepy and thanking Andy for the opportunity to influence other women.

Watch What Happens Live Special: Top 10 NYC Moments

Andy shows a “Housewives Playhouse” clip with Bill Hader, Amy Schumer & Judd Apatow reenacting the scene in Turks and Caicos where the Countess offers eggs a la Francaise as a cure all for everything. Judd is playing the Countess like she’s Al Bundy. I have the feeling he’s never seen the show. Bill Hader says he doesn’t even know who his character is, but is still better than Judd. Amy, of course, is admittedly the biggest Wives fan on the planet.

We’re treated to Sonja’s first caberlesque. She really is in amazing shape. We’re also shown clips of the Ramonacoaster and Sonja’s advice. There’s a Halloweave special that I don’t remember. How could I not remember this? Simon sings I’m Real, one of the many Housewives musical efforts, except he’s not a housewife and can’t carry a tune in a bushel basket. Not that it’s ever stopped anyone else.

The Countess singing is the number one moment? Really? Okay, maybe. It was certainly the most lively moment out of what we were given. I guess Andy picked these?

I wish Andy would have another New Year’s Eve party. Like the one and only he had where Giggy married Grandma Wrinkles. It was one of the best New Year’s Eves I ever had. And yes, I know how sad that sounds.

And, as always, we’re left with the eternal question…

WHAT’RE YOU DOIN’ HERE WITHOUT DORINDA?

September 16, 2015 — Port Charles, Los Angeles & We Have a Winner

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

  

General Hospital

Hey, yeah, where has Diane been? I think the last time I saw her, she was on Devious Maids. I know she works a lot, but she couldn’t show up for Ava?

I don’t want any of these people to visit me in the hospital ever. They haven’t stopped yelling at each other for days. Julian tells Lucas that he’s really out of the mob business, and “this time it’s different.” Whenever someone uses that phrase, it’s time to not believe them.

Commercial break.There’s something called The National Sleep Foundation and they have an official pillow? Is there a mascot too? Some ad for a marathon is using Back in the New York Groove as background music. Best solo song by a KISS member (Ace Frehley) ever.

Scotty claims that Diana is no longer representing the Jeromes because she’s dating one of Sonny’s goombahs, and she ripped up the retainer check. Ava says she doubts Diana would ever rip up any check and I tend to agree.

Oh man, this whole Valerie/Dante/Lulu thing is getting good. Cool. Nathan is calling Valerie out. Good Lord, she needs to get a grip. Not that I ever was in her exact position, but back in the day, I’d eat some ice cream, cry, and then move on.

What the blip kind of room do they have Sonny in? It looks like some strange hotel and the machines he’s hooked up to aren’t even making any noise.

MasterChef: 2 Hour Finale

We start off with a race through my beloved pantry. Can we move this pantry to my house? I swear I’d cook every night. Each home cook has to make a 3 course meal and gets a sous chef, one of the contestants who was ousted earlier in the season. The judges are 30 chefs from the restaurants of Gordon, Graham and Christina.

What does a “provocative dish” mean? Is it wearing pasties or something? I wish Claudia would quit messing around with that octopus. I’ve actually eaten it and like it, but prefer the Japanese breaded and fried version. I don’t like anything I’m eating to look like it did when it was alive. OMG – she runs out of octopus because they forgot to take one out of the pot. Really? How can you forget about an octopus?

Everything looks amazing and I’d even eat the looks-like-it-did-in-the-ocean octopus. Stephen makes pan seared scallops. He’s used edible flowers, which heretofore have been a turn-off for me. Claudia has the octopus going on and Derrick has made Miso Black Cod. Derrick wins this round, both on the show and with me personally.

The pressure test is also a 3-course meal: a cheese soufflé, steak frites and panna cotta – some kind of dessert I’ve never heard of, but looks like it’s seriously hard to make, on par with the soufflé. The contestants get to SKYPE with some friends and family members. Claudia has some problem with the dessert, but I don’t have a clue as to what it is. Stephen has put his soufflés in too early and Gordon has his hand to his forehead like he has a headache. Whatever Claudia’s problem was, has apparently been solved. Graham examines one of her fancy French fries like it’s a precious diamond. I love how he always holds everything up to the light and looks at it six different ways.

Claudia wins this one and is going on to the final final. I eat my words about Stephen being the winner and make a stupid pun. Rooting for Claudia now.

Derrick is making a pork belly (nice cut of meat!) dinner and Claudia is going for a Mexican tamale extravaganza. Wow. I never noticed how many tattoos Graham has. Derrick is “infusing” practically everything with watermelon. I just prefer my fruit separate from my proteins, with the exception of pineapple on ham or pizza. I guess if you’re going to do something like that, do it with pork. The other white meat. Sorry, it just naturally follows. Citrus fruit doesn’t count either.

Uh-oh. This really isn’t good. It’s only the appetizer round and Gordon is asking why Claudia chose food he could get on a food truck and she talks about her roots and how she wanted to elevate this food style. He eats, likes, and tells her she took something common and made it unique. What looked really awful for a second has made a 180.

Derrick’s entrée is venison; Claudia’s is swordfish. Still rooting for Claudia. I don’t know how these people can cook with all the noise from the spectators. Man, I don’t know what it is that Derrick is making to go with the venison (hey, I have to eat too, and I went to the microwave), but it looks phenomenal and crunchy. Puff pastry cage. Love it, but you can have the huckleberry sauce. Gordon tells Claudia that if the fish is dry, she’s screwed. Why do they like to make the contestants all nervous? I highly doubt Claudia is going to make anything too dry. I’d make a safe bet that she knows what she’s doing.

Commercial break. Can’t wait for Scream Queens to start, but it does throw a wrench into Tuesdays, which are difficult enough.

Of course the fish isn’t dry. I said it wouldn’t be dry. Now my leftover Chinese food is looking drabber by the second. For dessert, it’s sponge cake for Derrick, but he can’t get the cake batter out of the doodad he’s using. It’s a tense moment, but Derrick emerges victorious. Owow, this is like no sponge cake I ever ate. Claudia has made a Hibiscus poached pear. It wouldn’t be my first choice because there’s no chocolate involved, but I have to admit it looks fantastic. Derrick says he served the judges “art on a plate.” Who cares? There was chocolate around it.

Ok, here comes the hokey part where the final two try to open the doors and the one that opens is the winner. Never mind, that’s the other show, Hell’s Kitchen. I watch too much of this stuff and it’s all blending in together. Claudia wins! I picked the winner! (Out of the last two anyway.)

Little Women of LA

Why can’t they rerun Little Women of LA back to back like a lot of shows do? Now I have to make a choice between that and Rick Springfield on Watch What Happens Live. I guess I’ll DVR Rick, which means it will go into the black hole of recorded shows, never to be seen.

Tonya’s idea of a workout video for little people is brilliant. As our population grows, mo’ people equals mo’ little people, and mo’ whatever other kind of people we have. It’s both helpful to others and an untapped market.

There’s a bit too much TMI regarding Christy and Todd’s artificial insemination project, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Elena is having trouble picking out a dress for her vow renewals. She wants to have everything she didn’t the first time around. It seems like what she really wants is for her sister to be at the ceremony. Apparently, you need a damn good reason to visit the US from Russia, and her sister’s application for a Visa had been rejected a few years ago.

As much as I like them, every time Christy and Todd come on screen, I want to put my fingers in my ears and do the “la-la-la” thing. The insertion process is very painful and I’m wondering why they don’t use any type of anesthesia. I sincerely hope a pregnancy results from all this.

The girls show up for the workout taping and nothing is set up. Even worse, what they have to work with is totally unprofessional. They’re basically putting up photos and a handmade banner to the wall as a background. Brilliant idea, but not very well thought out execution. All of a sudden, the girls are questioning what they’re being paid. (Pretty much nothing.) Isn’t the time to do this before you sign up? Tonya doesn’t like anyone giving her direction. Geez, I’ll bet even Alec Baldwin takes direction. Everything is taking way too long and everyone is getting worn out. Like Don on Below Deck, Tonya decides it’s just too hard and quits.

After a pep talk in the hallway, Tonya has regrouped and decided to delegate. They’re going to have to put in another day though, and Briana isn’t happy about that. I think she’s really mad about the girls’ saying she seemed jealous of Elena’s upcoming vow renewal, which Brittney just had to let her in on.

Fastest pregnancy test ever! And I really appreciate seeing Christy’s pee in a cup. I guess I should be grateful I didn’t have to see her peeing into the cup. Ugh! The test was negative. Sadness all around.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Josh says that social media is more important to the real estate business in L.A. than anywhere else. I think that says something about L.A. Superficiality anyone? Although I do have to say, I went to L.A. for a V convention once and it wasn’t all tall skinny blondes with fake boobs. And there was the Clifton Cafeteria.

This is another one of those shows that I enjoy, but there isn’t much to say about it. It goes without saying that the homes are fabulous or they wouldn’t be on a show called Million Dollar Listing. The brokers act obnoxious for the most part, although I’m not sure how much is for the camera. If I saw two brokers going at it the way they do on these shows, I wouldn’t want to deal with either one of them. Although we do get a glimpse into their private lives, I’ve never had much investment in these guys. Perhaps a little more in the NYC group, but having spent nearly half my life there, I tend to gravitate toward any show with that background setting.

And I just love looking at amazing places I will never be able to afford in a million years and make myself miserable.

September 15, 2015 — Port Charles, a Mermaid & a Birthday

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

I like Rick’s Clark Kent look sooo much better. I tend to forget he’s Sonny’s brother on a regular basis. Like any time he’s not mentioning it.

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY, ELIZABETH, TELL HIM!

Oh great, she’s telling Jake her other secret.

Everyone is getting all lovey dovey over Sonny. Big decision happening. If they remove the bullet, he could bleed to death due to his weakened condition, but if they wait for him to get stronger, in the meantime, the bullet could move and kill him. Everyone clap if you believe in fairies Sonny.

Ha-ha! Rick suggests he and Sam get back to their “regularly scheduled animosity.” Don’t tell me Rick and Sam are going to end up putting 2 and 2 together before Elizabeth gets a conscience.

I don’t think Morgan is bi-polar. I think he’s uni-polar because I’ve only seen one mood out of him – whiny and/or angry whiny. I have to add that Bryan Allen Craig is really good in this part, but he’s probably wishing they’d give him more to work with too.

Yeah, yeah, we all have regrets, Liz. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Why don’t you tell him??? I’ve never really liked Elizabeth, but I’ve never thought of her as stupid. Someone is going to come up with this sooner or later, and the only way for her to save herself is to tell him first. Although who knows? I never understood Jason anyway.

Commercial time. I guess a lot of the shows are starting their seasons this week. I am so glad Z Nation is back. Like Sweeny Todd’s arm, my Fridays are complete again.

Hey, I think I have that sweater/jacket that Carly is wearing. It wouldn’t be the first time. A while ago, I got the best sweater from Nasty Gal online and before I even had a chance to wear it, Britt showed up in the same one. Then I was afraid to wear it because I thought people would think I was just trying to copy her, when in reality, it was the other way around.

Maxie and Nathan – my favorite couple! Whoa. Maxie got a little close there too, with Jake’s real identify. Can Elizabeth do something with her hands other than wringing them? She’s been doing that for 2 days like she has OCD.

We end with Sonny being wheeled into surgery. And one more day that Jake doesn’t know who he is.

Below Deck

Don has decided to skip out mid-charter because he’s an engineer and would rather take his marbles and go home than admit he’s wrong. Idiot. Connie isn’t sad to see him go (me neither), but admits it leaves them short-handed.

I desperately want to get in that water. I did vacation in the Bahamas once. When I was 14 and had no appreciation for it. I only wanted to get back home to my friends. One of those sad ironies of life. I join Don in the idiot pool and wish I could have a do-over and spend a week there now.

Dean (the primary guest) wants the crew to have a “dive off” where the guests will score them and the prize is $500. If holding your nose and jumping off the boat counted, I’d be in. The crew dons costumes. Connie wears a shark tank suit and a tutu, which looks like one of my club outfits from the ‘80s. Captain Lee says, “There are no depths to which we won’t sink to get a good tip,” and I’m not sure if he’s making a pun or not. Although he does seem to have lightened up since last season.

Rocky reminds me of Audrey Landers from the original Dallas, except I like Audrey Landers. Rocky is one of those airhead girls who is desperate for attention that guys who don’t know any better will drool over and girls will roll their eyes at. We’ve all had one in our orbit at one time or another. They’re the ones who shamelessly flirt with your boyfriend and then don’t understand what they did wrong.

Kate doesn’t want to get her hair wet, so she wears a head to toe bright red…something.  She still gets an 8. Rocky is wearing a pink wig and is reminding me of Meghan Edmonds on Watch What Happens Live, making me like her even less. Everyone has a great time and it’s nice to see everyone getting along – crew and guests.

I think Kate has a crush on Dean. They’ve come a long way from that first charter. Time for the Greek party!

There’s an ad for a Cinderella movie I’ve never heard of. Helena Bonham Carter is the fairy godmother and it looks pretty good. Real Housewives of New York 100th Episode Special – this Thursday! An ad too, for Teresa “checking in” on RHONJ. That whole situation is just sad. They seem like obnoxious people – although the eldest daughter is turning out nicely – but I think the court wanted to make an example of them because they’re on TV and they were treated unfairly. I’ve watched them for so long, they’re like unbearable cousins that I have to tolerate on holidays. I don’t like them that much, but I don’t wish them ill either. Like I do you-know-who. Just kidding! Karma and all that.

OMG – Rocky has won the diving contest, although she had said she was a Junior Olympic diving champ some years ago. She also gets to be the mermaid. I’d be jealous of that – what girl hasn’t wanted to be, or at least see a mermaid? – but I don’t think I really want to wear one of those tails. It looks like it would be hot, as well as a real disadvantage when having to go to the bathroom.

Wow. The strawberry compote must be something. One of the guests is licking the glass it was served in.

Amy is trying to teach Rocky how to be a good stew. Good luck with that. Which is what I say when what I really mean is, all the luck in the world isn’t going to help you. Sure enough, Rocky sees that it’s work and can’t possibly.

The towline has become entangled in the propeller, so someone is going to have to dive down and get it off of there.  Eddie goes, because it’s kinda sorta his fault, since he should have been on top of whoever was supposed to be watching.

The tip is “20 large,” as Captain Lee puts it. Right now, everyone is glad Don skipped out. (It comes out to 2 grand each.) The Captain wants them all to stay in tonight because he wants the boat cleaned up and shipshape for the next charter. Emile asks the Captain if he and Rocky can go to dinner off the boat, and reminds me of asking my dad if I could go out on a date. Captain Lee gives them 2 hours, and says he wishes someone would take him out to dinner. I totally volunteer.

Uh-oh, Eddie is talking to his girlfriend and we all know that long distance relationships rarely work out.  It’s not good when every other word is an F-bomb and they’re not talking about doing it. Eddie ends up threatening to hang up, hangs up, and then throws the phone. Why does everyone always throw the phone? I decided to throw a plate once when I was angry, just to see what satisfaction it gives. All I got was a broken plate and a mess to clean up.

Emile gets super wasted – no nookie tonight! No eros on the Eros.

My Fab 40th

I’m watching this, but there isn’t much to say. You can’t really invest in the “characters” because it’s a one-shot deal. And it’s kind of like going to a shower. It’s great if it’s yours, but if not, they’d better have liquor.

September 14, 2015 – GH, the OC & London Ladies

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

I watched this on the fly today, but caught the main points. The main point of those main points being, we’re going to drag out this Jake/Jason thing for as long as possible. We might even spend the entire week with Elizabeth saying how bad what she has to tell him is, and “Jake” saying, it can’t possibly be that bad. Yes, it can.

Franco to the rescue! Finally, someone shoves Rick’s phone in his face along with the baby cry app. Nina tells Rick she never promised him a rose garden, and they make Rick sign or unsign some papers.

It’s nice to see the flashbacks of Sonny, but I’m still waiting for those Luke flashbacks. I guess I’m never going to get them. (sigh)

Maybe Sonny will go to heaven/hell and meet up with those guys from One Life to Live, or at least the Quartermaines who have gone before.

The Real Housewives of the OC

Jim’s daughter decided to throw a party while they were away & trashed her mom’s house. I see Meghan’s youthful mom influence has helped. Although I agree with her about LeeAnn not standing her ground with grounding. Meghan, Heather and Shannon (!) are having a meal and a confab, mostly about Brooks. Once again James Bond Meghan has contacted the doctor Brooks says he’s using, claiming to be looking for cancer treatment, and also contacted a disgruntled ex-girlfriend of Brooks (she had a friend in the same town get the number) who said he’s a phony baloney on a blog.

The doctor’s office says the doctor doesn’t treat cancer. While this sounds bad, I continue to play devil’s advocate – mostly because Meghan is such a snot rag – it’s still possible he does. Brooks said in an earlier episode that this guy treated his own cancer with polyphenols. It’s possible that this is something experimental and maybe he doesn’t want it advertised.

Tamra’s mom is newly single and going on a blind date – with Tamra and her son hiding in the bushes at a table in the background. Tamra expresses outrage at someone “60ish” wearing a low cut zebra top. It’s a really nice top and I think she’s being weird and rude. What else is new?

The thing I hate about Meghan, besides her ageism, is her attitude. While for all I know, she’s right about the whole thing, it doesn’t seem like it’s coming from a place of concern. It’s more like a vendetta against Vicki. No surprise, Jim doesn’t want to hear about it. She must have an awful lot of time on her hands.  Maybe she should get a job.

“Wow,” says Lizzie, when Meghan says what she’s been doing. Wow, indeed. After she texted the ex-girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend told Brooks. I guess she’s not disgruntled anymore. If anything had really been wrong, why would the ex do that? Is she involved in this conspiracy too.

Shannon is having a party for her and her fellow Aries (Arieses?). The decorations are awesome and there’s even a huge Chinese dragon in the pool. It’s officially a party, since Tamra has already broken a glass. Brooks asks to speak with Meghan and Jim in private. Jim looks like he wants the ground to swallow him. We get a flashback about what the psychic actually said, and it was that he had a “wishy-washy” perspective on Brook’s cancer, and he “just didn’t see it.” Although if they’d extended that flashback, we would have also seen him backpedal, saying that there were other reasons he might be getting those vibes, other than that there was no cancer ever. Meghan gripes about Vicki questioning her character, but Vicki didn’t start doing that until Meghan started putting her nose in Vicki’s business like a truffle pig.

Nobody knows what to do. I have an idea. Mind your own business and keep your mouths shut. What a concept! Unless I thought Brooks was beating on Vicki, at this point, I’d do an Elsa and let it go. If he’s a con man (which again, I’m not so sure of), he’s a smooth one and seems to treat her well.

Meghan immediately makes a beeline for Tamra after this discussion. The beans that Vicki actually spilled got credited to Tamra. Brooks said he didn’t talk to Tamra (and he hadn’t) and to “consider the source.” This makes Tamra crazy, and she gets all loud and squeaky while following Brooks around. I see Christianity is really working for her. Why can’t anyone ever wait until after a party/dinner/lunch to create chaos? Never mind that, why can’t they wait 5 minutes? Wow, she’s reading an incredible amount into only three words.

Cool! Lisa Rinna is stopping by next episode. I love her!

Ladies of London

The two Carolines go shopping in one of those rich people’s stores where it looks half bare. These stores always seem weird to me. I guess rich people are always in a hurry and don’t have time to shop or it makes it seem exclusive if there are fewer items. I’d miss going through all the racks, especially since it would be even more fun when you could buy whatever you wanted.

Ho-ho-ho! It’s Christmas and of course everyone’s house is decorated perfectly. Caroline #2 (the Baroness) is having a Scandanavian Christmas party. I’m not sure how this is different from a regular Christmas party, but I’m guessing fish will be served. I went to a Scandanavian restaurant once and they had fish with a side of fish. (As opposed to Oklahoma where they have beef with a side of beef.) Geez, she almost dropped one of her Dachshunds and I almost had a heart attack. I have to say, I’m impressed with the Baroness doing all the work herself. She also has a bowl of Cheetos out for cocktail time. I don’t like Cheetos, but it’s cool that she’s included them as an appetizer.

I never get why people who don’t like or can’t eat the main dish make a big deal out it. Frequently, it’s because it’s meat (in this case, goose – I was wrong about the fish). I haven’t been to a huge amount of dinner parties, but I’ve been to enough to know they just don’t throw you a slab of meat. There are other dishes available. They’re called side dishes and you can actually make a meal out of them. (Ok, maybe not in Oklahoma.)

Because of last week’s whoop-de-doo over Juliet not wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with Marissa, Juliet is now not invited to some Christmas carol thing at Royal Albert Hall. Filing this under “who cares?” Marissa doesn’t seem like a very good friend and seems a little phony. I had hopes that Londoners would be less so. Oh, wait, she’s American. Really good of her to tread on a fellow Yank’s feelings. Seriously, who needs her? Caroline #1 explains that Juliet might feel animosity too, because Marissa is married to a Brit, making it easier to get into certain social circles. Whatever. More rich people’s problems.

When they came back from the commercial break, there was a Christmas carol playing and at first I thought it was an ad for a Christmas sale already. Caroline #1 says she’ll have to drink her way through this. I would too.

Caroline #1 also owns what she calls a “gifting shop,” and has found out that two key pieces – a watch and a bag – aren’t going to be ready by the holiday. This is not good as far as funding for the store goes. At least this is something we can all relate to.

Marissa and Juliet decide to have a sit down. Marissa is being surprisingly un-emotional, but Marissa has a face like a cat’s ass and is acting like a d-bag. IMO, this seems to boil down to the whole Thanksgiving thing. While I don’t mind in the least having Thanksgiving at a restaurant, and frequently do, why can’t Marissa get it through her thick head that it doesn’t feel like home to some people?

They basically break up and Juliet feels sad about it, but Marissa can’t wait to get onto her phone and start texting. Again, who needs her? Juliet reminds me of Jill on Odd Mom Out. She’s definitely a square peg in a round hole here, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

And can we please, please stop the pop-up ads at the bottom of the screen during a show? This is especially annoying when something has subtitles. I could swear I pay for these channels, and yet I have to watch advertising throughout the whole program. Who do they think they are? The Internet?

September 13, 2015 — Cait & the Dead

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

I Am Cait

The meeting between Cait and Kris is finally happening. No big blow-out. Just a kind of normal conversation, albeit a sad one. Kris feels that Cait has “thrown her under the bridge” in the Vanity Fair article. I have to confess, I haven’t read it yet, but isn’t it thrown under the bus? Cait’s a transgender woman, not a troll. Cait talks about not being included in Kylie’s graduation. As much as I think Cait should probably have discussed her future plans with Kris a little earlier on, there was really no excuse for her leaving Cait out of these festivities. There are tears in their eyes, and I feel for them both, but I also think Kris is somewhat exaggerating about giving her “whole life” to the relationship. I understand I don’t know everything that went on behind closed doors, but it looked like Kris gave a lot more time to making money off of the kids, so it’s hard to have a lot of sympathy. On the few Kardashian shows I saw, she also didn’t seem to treat Cait (then Bruce) very well. I have the feeling these two have never actually had a real conversation

Cait is having a spiritual ceremony to claim her new name. There is some interesting conversation about spirituality and Biblical interpretation. Candis says the kids in Sunday school were mean to her. I have vague memories of the boys in catechism being mean when we were junior high school age (or middle school, depending on where you grew up).

Boy George is coming to the ceremony and since Candis is singing, she’s super nervous. The Gay Men’s Chorus of L.A. is also singing with her. I love the harmonies in a men’s chorus! Everyone is in white and looks beautiful.

As this is the season finale (that was quick), there are flashbacks and Cait ends the way she began, sans makeup and talking to the camera. She says it’s been an amazing journey (can we lose both “amazing” and “journey” on all reality TV shows?) and she finally feels like she fits in someplace. Jenny has said earlier that her mother told her it’s hard to hate someone whose story you know, and I tend to agree. Hopefully, hearing Cait’s story has inspired understanding.

It’s said that people remember less what you say and do, but more how you made them feel. And I think Cait is a person that leaves people feeling better about themselves. I hope we get to see the next chapter.

Fear the Walking Dead

When last we left him, Travis was trapped in the barber shop and Madison was trapped at home with her kids. Seeing Madison’s place, I’m wondering if the Texas Chainsaw Massacre guy is her decorator.

Does anyone really need to be told to stay away from the windows? Apparently, yes.There is a free-for-all going on outside, and Travis and his group escape amid looting, pushing and shoving. It’s nice to see some things haven’t changed. The chaos is escalating.

Madison and company gather up weapons like they live in Texas, and are about to split when Travis shows up to find Madison’s ex chomping on the family dog. Nice follow up shootin’ by the barber. I think this ain’t his first time at the rodeo. Well, maybe this rodeo, but he’s been to some kind of rodeo. Madison’s daughter foes back for some prescription bottles and almost gets eaten. See, kids? Drugs can kill you. Nick finally says what everyone has been ignoring. These people are dead. Light bulb moment!

The next morning, everyone is acting normal, putting out the trash and waving hello to dead neighbor Susan, trapped in the backyard. Don’t get too close – she bites! Travis wants to be an advocate for gun control, but I don’t think now is the time. Madison wants to finish Susan off with a hammer, but Travis tells her no, there still might be a way to help. Sorry, but if you’re looking like a walking corpse, and I mean literally, and it looks like you’d eat me given half a chance, I’m using that hammer.

The barber’s wife says they’ve been in worse situations. Really?! When? I thought I had a hard life, but I haven’t had any experience comparable to this.

I highly recommend Trader Joe’s Original Savory Thins rice crackers. Not cakes, crackers. They kind of taste like Rice Krispies, aren’t bad for you and are a bit addictive.

Uh-oh. Susan’s husband is home. This doesn’t look too good. That’s not a hug she’s going in for. Luckily, the back of her head gets taken off by some military guys who just showed up. Hmm…it looks like they might be rounding up the living too. It doesn’t say FEMA on their trucks, does it? Now it looks more like a census. Typical of them to not let anyone know what’s going on.

The barber isn’t liking this one bit, but Travis thinks it’s going to get better – now that the government has shown up to take control. Um…

As usual, I missed the second word to enter their contest. …sniff…

September 12, 2015 — I Am My Own Zunami

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Z Nation: Zunami

I was glad to see the Chiller network is running a Z Nation marathon amid the vast wasteland that is weekend television.This was my favorite episode in the first season. And I think a turning point for several characters.

At the beginning of the episode, the group has just lost their leader, Charlie. He’s also the love of Roberta’s life (at least this life), and she’s about to give up. Murphy, in his not-so-subtle way, tells her to get back with the program. A “zunami” is coming – a wall of zombies, headed south, and our friends are trying to stay a step ahead of them. Having had no water for a couple of days though, they’re not at the top of their game. Only Murphy is fine, since he can “retain his bodily fluids.”  They become trapped and the only choice is to hide inside the dead body chambers of a morgue, after ousting one of the inhabitants. Murphy, not having the same worries as the others, is able to remain among the zombies and goes out to find supplies. To distract themselves from what’s surrounding them, Roberta thinks about food and Doc thinks about bands from the ‘70s. One of the expendable characters they’ve picked up along the way can no longer take the claustrophobia, and busts out of his chamber, quickly getting eaten, while the others hold their collective breaths.

Citizen Z gets a visitor, cosmonaut Yuri, who has landed from a defunct space station. Although Citizen Z is cautious, the two become friends, sharing stories, having a nip of vodka, and playing golf.  Citizen Z has been alone a long time, so it’s a happy moment when he’s finally able to communicate with another human being face to face. Especially when he began this episode saying good-by to Charlie and saluting his bravery via webcam.

This episode is heartbreaking on a couple of levels.  One is the change we see in Murphy – becoming both braver and more hardened. He’s a reluctant anti-hero, starting to realize the power he has over the zombies. After stealing supplies from a living mother and child, he lets the zombie father back into the house. Why? I still don’t get that. Is there some method to that madness or does he have a cruel streak? After seeing season two’s premiere episode last night, I’m hoping Murphy comes back from the dark side. He isn’t entirely gone, but I don’t like where he’s headed.

And there’s also Citizen Z finally forging a real friendship, only to realize at the end, he’s still alone. Earlier in the episode, a carbon monoxide alarm has gone off.  Since it’s interfering with Citizen Z’s concentration on his golf game, he’s whacks it with the golf club, knocking it off the ceiling, rather than checking the air levels. This does seem a little contrary to Citizen Z’s personality, but creates the setting where we get to really know him.

Seeing it again was interesting in the way that watching The Sixth Sense a second time is. We can now look for “clues.” The first thing Yuri says to Citizen Z is that the air is not safe, even after Citizen Z has told him it’s all right to remove his helmet; Yuri having so many similarities to Citizen Z is no coincidence, but understandable, since he is Citizen Z; Citizen Z researching Yuri’s space station on his tablet (yes! we still have wifi!) and seeing that it had run out of air and all were presumed dead; Yuri’s continual questioning about Citizen Z’s dog sleeping the day away; Yuri knowing that Citizen Z’s real name is Simon, which even we didn’t know.

When Citizen Z discovers Yuri has put his space suit back on, he draws a gun and asks who Yuri really is and why he has intruded on the compound.  At first, Yuri tells him he’s asking the wrong question, but when Citizen Z asks why Yuri has put his suit back on, Yuri tells him he’s closer.

A physical fight ensues. Yuri is about to strangle Simon, cutting off his air, while continuing to badger him into remembering what he knows. What is different about today? What is wrong with dog? What do you know? When Yuri asks him why he can’t breathe, Simon says it’s because there is no oxygen. Yuri disappears and the figurative light bulb comes on. Citizen Z drags himself and his dog outside, where they both recover. (Whew!) Seeing Citizen Z standing at the entrance to the compound, alone with his dog (only known as Pup) was actually a little painful and brought tears to my eyes. I so wanted him to have some company.

While The Walking Dead is more like a combination of Orson Welles and Werner Herzog direction, Z Nation is like a Tarantino/Rodriguez effort. The terror is high, but the humanity and laughs continually bubble to the surface, somehow making it more personal. (The only advice my father gave me upon leaving home was, “Don’t lose your sense of humor.” He must have known how easy that would be to do in this world.) I’ve found myself invested in this diverse band of characters, rooting for them, laughing with them, holding my breath when it looks like there’s no way out for them, and weeping inside for them.

I love the horror genre, but zombies have always been my favorites, because zombie stories are rarely really about zombies; instead being representative of real life terrors. Sometimes it’s obvious, like those where humans became zombiefied because of biological warfare or some nuclear waste leak. Others contain more subtlety, like Colson Whitehead’s Zone One, which basically tells us that we need to leave a lot of our “dead” ways behind. (I read it while the electricity was out after Hurricane Sandy and I couldn’t have picked a more appropriate book.) While I haven’t made a definitive decision on what Z Nation is really about – and like The Walking Dead, we are not privy as to why this is happening – I tend to think they both involve the human struggle with ourselves, as well as those who are different from us, and trying to move forward in today’s ever-changing landscape.

Or as Pogo once so succinctly put it: We have met the enemy and he is us.

September 10/11, 2015 — GH Times 2, Tardy, Manzos & Zombies

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital (Thursday)

Someone please either give Morgan some medication or make him go away.

I always forget how much I like Tracy until I see her again. I’m wondering what happened to the old Paul though. Is he on another soap? Are there any other soaps? J/K. I have actually had brief affairs with soaps other than the ABC ones. I watched The Young & The Restless for a while when Marc Singer was guest starring, but when he left, so did I. I know a lot of people love it and they seem to win a ton of Emmys (although it’s been up for speculation as to why, since their cast is the biggest, ergo has more voting power), but I just couldn’t get into it. I loved Passions, which was a huge conflict, being on the same time as One Life To Live, but I recorded one and watched the other live. When Passions briefly moved to Direct TV, I was thisclose to signing up just so I could watch it, even though I live in an area of extreme weather and my neighbors advised against it. I was glad I didn’t, since that was a pretty dirty trick they played by only airing it for like 2 months. I wonder how many new subscribers were duped.

Ha-ha! I just saw one of the extras being hypnotized by the action between Julian and Dante, and then quickly pick up a phone that didn’t ring when they realized they were staring. For somebody who knew no one and didn’t even know themselves, Jake sure has gotten involved in pretty much every storyline.

The news of Sonny getting shot is slowly traveling around Port Charles. That’s because there is no local news program or any other kind of media there. Ironically, if these characters were watching the same show they’re on; they would have gotten this “breaking news” at least 12 times by now. Rick the weasel is now looking like Rick the fish gasping for air. Close your mouth, dude. I have to admit, TJ is right about Sonny saving him, but then again, he wouldn’t have been there in the first place if it hadn’t been for Sonny. Can’t Lulu use a phone to let Dante know about Julian? I hear it’s a lot faster than going there in person. Port Charles is looking a lot like Brigadoon today.

GH Part 2 (Friday)

Hospital free-for-all!

This makes no sense whatsoever, even for a soap. Sloane (who apparently has a Star Trek transporter) shows up at Wyndemere, wanting an “audience with the prince” (i.e. Nicholas), but wants Hayden to stay for the convo because she’ll “keep him honest,” (huh?), and then proceeds to blackmail Nicholas.

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I do like nuSloane in some ways. The original was incredibly handsome, but a little too intense – whether because of the actor or the direction, I don’t know. NuSloane has it going on as far as temperament goes and I appreciate his acting skills, but he still reminds me of Beau Bridges, and I don’t see Anna with Beau. I’m guessing it was one of those things where they wanted to “take the character in a new direction.” That, or old Sloane got another job while Anna was away. Or maybe he didn’t like that buzzcut they gave him. I didn’t.

The job didn’t cost you Anna, Sloane. You did. He also says he was “distracted” by Nicholas’s money. He evidently wants some more distraction.  It’s probably not a good idea to meet with him “tomorrow” regarding this.  Most likely Nicholas will be waiting with a crossbow.

Everyone is having longer, more complicated conversations with Sonny today than they do when he’s conscious. He’s going to wake up just so he can tell them to shut up already.  Sonny be all like, can I open my eyes now?  I see you blinking, Maurice Benard!

Ugh! Julian. No. Just no. What a wimp.

Finally! Thank you, Elizabeth! I still don’t like you, but thanks for helping this way-too-long storyline to come to an end. Jake, I’m hoping you will officially be dubbed Jason after the weekend cliffhanger is over.

Don’t Be Tardy & Manzo’d With Children & a Couple of Random Thoughts

Just a quickie. I like these shows because they add some balance to Bravo’s somewhat b*tchy line up. I like how they’re doing a People’s Couch thing, by having the cast of the two shows watch the other. Very clever!

The Manzo brothers seem perplexed that cleaning up a woman’s house can say “I’m sorry.” You’re darn tootin’ it can! It can also say “I love you,” and whatever else you would like it to say. Kim Zolciak and her daughter agree.

Best quote – from Kim:  “Why are they meeting? It must not be his ex ex.”

I know I shouldn’t watch those First Look shows, but I did anyway. I actually don’t mind spoilers so much, but I should stop myself from peeking for a different reason. When the actual show rolls around, about 10 minutes in, I’ll think I’ve seen it before. Then I’ll wonder how I could have seen it before, when it’s a new episode. Then I’ll double-check the guide. Then the light bulb will flicker on.

How stoned was Andy on Thursday’s Watch What Happens Live? He thought the quote of “I’ll never go hungry again” came from Steel Magnolias.  I was going to make a joke here about how everyone knows it really comes from Fried Green Tomatoes, but then I remembered how many people will think a Facebook repost from The Onion is true.

Z Nation

I am so happy to see that this show was renewed! I love The Walking Dead, but there are many reasons that I actually like this one better. (Fear the Walking Dead hasn’t been on the radar long enough for it to register on the zombie show hierarchy scale yet.) While I adore Daryl and the gang, the characters in Z Nation have better senses of humor and for some reason, are more sympathetic to me. And they came up with the premise for Murphy, sort of the rock star of the zombie world. He’s been bitten by zombies several times, yet hasn’t succumbed to turning into one. Although he seems to be turning into some kind of hybrid. And then there’s Citizen Z.

A nerd extraordinaire, he lives in a compound in the North Pole and has set up a means of communication with the rest of the world. Periodically, he’s been able to get in touch with the merry band that we’re traveling with. He also has a beautiful Husky dog. I don’t care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives. Whoever decided to put that on a T-short had my number. One of my favorite episodes involved Citizen Z finding a Russian cosmonaut on his lawn and the two trading stories and cautiously becoming friends. In the last minutes of the episode, we realize – at the same time Citizen Z does – that this new buddy is not real at all. There has been a carbon monoxide leak at the compound. He is unconscious, and this is his brain’s way of getting him to wake up. “Remember what you know,” the cosmonaut tells him. What he knows is that he forgot to deal with the alarm that had gone off earlier.

When I watch this show, I spend a lot of time with my mouth hanging open. It’s relentless with non-stop action, and well done. I’m serious about watching it too. As you can probably tell, I’m usually doing 50 things at once. Rare is the occasion when I’m paying 100% attention, but this is good enough to suck me in for the entire hour.

When we last left the group, Murphy was estranged from them, and several nuclear missiles were headed for various places in the United States. It wasn’t looking too good for anybody. It was a slick way to leave us too, since if they hadn’t been renewed, we could assume Armageddon had happened.

Murphy: “The Apocalypse means never having to say you’re sorry.”

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Quote of the week: “I’m one nose job away from my dream.” – dude getting a rhinoplasty on Atlanta Plastic.

September 9, 2015 — GH, Down to Four & LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Show of hands. How many people think Sonny is going to die? Me neither. It’s not like this is The Walking Dead. Carly is also taking this news awfully well. I guess she’s used to it.

It seems like Sloane and Anna had some kind of relationship I wasn’t privy to off camera. Where is all this coming from? Sloane looks as confused as I feel. I’m thinking these two are just making it up as they go along. Yep, Anna made a big mistake shooting Carrrlos. Mostly because I liked Carrrlos and had hoped Sabrrrina would change her mind about him. Although it did give Jeffrey Vincent Parise an opportunity to die on live TV. If you don’t know much about this actor, Google him. He’s extremely accomplished both as an actor and an artist. He also got some play in that final episode of Mad Men.

Hmmm…maybe it was Julian behind the shooting and they fooled me by making it the obvious choice. Like General Custer’s “reverse barometer” theory in Little Big Man. “You want me to think that you don’t want me to go down there, but the subtle truth is, you really don’t want me to go down there.”

Ha-ha! How long are they going to keep trying to keep that headband on Avery’s head? These girls have all had experience with children too, and at this age, it’s off the head and into the mouth.

Sonny’s real name is Michael? How did he get the name Sonny? What a misnomer. It should have been Cloudy, Overcast or Storm-A-Brewin’.

Once again, we have an over-crowded ER, filled with people who don’t belong in there. I wonder how many patients die from being exposed to germs because no one is wearing a mask.

Sloan cares, but just not that much. I was wrong. He would do anything for love, but he won’t do that. Not if that interferes with his bank account.

For the love of Mike, why does every lullaby have to be about that freaking Mockingbird?

I know! Sonny wakes up thinking he’s married to Jake.

MasterChef

The contestants are divided into two teams. Small teams. Nick and Claudia (red), and Derrick and Stephen (blue). Three boxes are wheeled out , each with one of the judges names on it. Christina’s box is removed, and the red team gets Graham’s box, and the blue team gets Gordon’s box. Since each team is expected to make an appetizer and an entrée out of what’s in the box, it’s assumed Christina’s will be saved for dessert. They have one hour to do this. It would probably take me an hour just to figure out what to do with the ingredients.

Nick totally forgets to put the crab in the broth he suggested they make – no crab broth for you! They go for a crab cake instead. Fine by me. I’m getting hungry watching this. The blue team is makes some kind of prawn dish with avocado and pomegranate seeds. Even I know those seeds are a mistake. I love when one of the judges asks whose idea a dish was. There’s always a lot of humana-humana and quick looks at each other. Is it a good question, or a bad question?

OMG – I am loving these triangle shaped plates! My favorite bowl is square. My husband doesn’t understand this.

The crab cake gets a thumbs up from Gordon and Christina. Get that cilantro off the plate and it will get one from me too. Uh-oh. The red team has used roasted red pepper in both of their dishes. Apparently this is bad. Graham says their salmon entrée is “disgusting,” and that I know is bad. I think it was the kale that did them in. Gordon is a little more positive, saying it tastes better than it looks, but it also lacks personality. The blue team has made duck for their entrée. Not a favorite of mine, although I’d give this dish a try. Ugh! They didn’t clean the mushrooms enough. Why? Still, the blue team is safe.

The pressure test is the Christina/dessert box. They’ll be making a chocolate malted layer cake. It takes months to master this cake, Christina tells them. Now, off you go! I get up to go into the kitchen and hear the bleeps of curse words from the other room. No surprise on a Gordon Ramsey show.

M-m-m-m. Charred mini marshmallows. I’ll just have a bowl of those, please. They’re doing a chocolate glaze icing. I actually know about this. I watched someone else do it once.  60 seconds left? I’d be throwing those marshmallows on there now. Claudia’s cake is a mess. I hate when the judges start yapping about how something looks when the contestants are given an hour to make something that normally takes 2 days to make. Regardless, Christina is impressed with Claudia’s flavors. Graham takes a bite after holding it up to admire it. Like I don’t think he wants to down that whole cake at once. And just because you want darker marshmallows and more fudge, doesn’t mean you’re going to get them in an hour. Christine says Nick’s cake is beautiful, but I see a marshmallow hanging off the side. Minus 10 points. Christine does that thing where they take a bite, nod & just walk away. Ah, it’s too sweet. He says he ran out of ingredients and “didn’t think to ask for help.” Yep, he probably doesn’t ask for directions either, but this time it might cost him more than going in circles for another half hour.

Yep, it did. Claudia is going through and Nick is going bye-bye. Not that I have a dog in this fight, but I’m glad. I would hate for the deciding factor to be the visuals, especially when it came down to not asking for help and then not being able to recalculate the recipe. (See? I know a little.)

My hat’s off to the guy in the hat though.

Anyone want to take up a collection for me to go on the next MasterChef cruise?

Little Women: LA

How is it that there are no periods in the Los Angeles abbreviation? Doesn’t that make it Louisiana? I just noticed this after three seasons.

As usual, the ladies are being enterprising. Tonya is developing a workout video for little people, which is a brilliant idea. She loves working out, but obviously an average sized gym is a problem. She picks some of the other girls to be in the video with her. In Brittney’s talking head segment, she’s wearing earrings the size of basketball hoops, so maybe they’ll be including a game.

Joe and Terra are now married (Terra’s Little Family is over for now…sniff…I miss it) and are postponing their honeymoon because of baby Penny’s health issues.  Elena and husband Preston announce that they’re going to renew their vows and have a big bash. They’re excited about having their families come, because it wasn’t possible the first time. Briana gets all emotional because she “should be the next one getting married.” Except Elena and Preston are already married. What up wit dat, Briana?

There is still a lot of conflict between Briana and the girls over Matt. I’m not sure what to think. It’s kind of like Brooks and Vicki on the OC Wives. I still haven’t seen anything that’s so bad, but the friends seem skeptical. (And I’m not talking about you, Meghan. You just seem crazy.) I love Terra, and she’s no dummy, so maybe there’s something there, although I don’t think giving him the silent treatment is the answer. And if someone called me a fetishist, I might get annoyed too. Providing I wasn’t one. Ok, now she’s spilled the beans that Matt had been flirting with her online at the same time he was “engaged” to Briana, which was five minutes after they met. Maybe the problem is really just moving too fast on both their parts.

Christy and Todd’s dealings with A.I. is TMI. Enough said.

Seeing the ad for the new Rachel Zoe effort, Fashionably Late, it looks pretty good. I liked her last show better than I thought I would, so I might check this one out. (September 24 – my sister’s birthday!)

September 8, 2015 — GH, a Yacht & a Party

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

The big question is — who is the mystery shooter? Franco, Nina and company are all busy right now. Julian? Too obvious. I believe Morgan would do just about anything at this point, but we know where he is. Ditto Michael. One of those generic mob guys who were at the round table? Maybe. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Everyone’s rocking their looks at the wedding that’s not going to happen. Even Bobbie’s fillers are fitting her face better. Fillers fitting face. Say that 3 times real fast. Haven’t all of Sonny’s weddings been postponed because of a shooting accompanied by an Italian aria? No music this time. Not even an Ave Maria. I feel cheated.

Yeah, I didn’t think that headband was going to stay on Avery’s head for long. How old is she supposed to be? She sure is chomping on a humongous cracker when I figured she’d still be being bottle fed.

Hayden apparently woke up a genius, since she can read an awful lot into remembering a few seconds of something.

Oh, I see. It’s the expendable stranger that was the shooter. No surprise and not much fun to try and guess either. Good for “Jake” shooting Charlie while he was babbling about shooting TJ. Tuco said it best in The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, “When you have to shoot, shoot; don’t talk.”

Good job in derailing your love life nuSloane. I am so not feeling this guy.

Will someone untie TJ already? Since he hasn’t figured out that the ropes are so loose, he could have slipped out of them two days ago. Probably brought to you by the same people who won’t tell the actors that, when they’re handed a cup of coffee, at least make it look like it’s full.

Did somebody call 911 or are they just going to stand around Sonny as he bleeds out? Doesn’t everyone carry cell phones now? That reminds me of a funny scene on One Life To Live years ago. Todd was holding a small crowd hostage and asked them to hand over their phones. About 50 phones were produced and it looked like an SNL skit.

Below Deck

I don’t know what’s up with some of these kids who sign on for this job. They don’t seem to grasp that it’s actually work. Hard work. Guests pay a lot of money to charter this yacht. They’re the ones who get to have the fun, not the employees. Not to mention the fat tips they get for the work. A couple of this season’s new people don’t even seem to grasp that there are rules when you’re on the water. Rocky annoys the hell out of me. She seems like a lazy ignoramus. She was in charge of laundry, so now everyone can’t find their uniform pieces and the ones they are finding aren’t laundered properly. She claims not to have any experience in laundry. Really? I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was 13. Has she ever even had a job before? Kate reminds Rocky to turn the iron off and Rocky gets offended. Another really? I’m surprised she hasn’t already burned the yacht down, or made it capsize, or something.

The dude is back that Kate designed the towel like a rocket ship for last season. She has “some ideas” for new towel art and wants to have a Greek themed party, with togas, gods and a mermaid. Chef Leon says he hates theme parties. Why he even cares, since it’s not like he has to do anything but cook, is beyond me. Where is Chef Ben when I need him? He was so much more fun & had emotions other than annoyance.

Ha-ha! This time Kate made him a palm tree. With balls coconuts of course.

New guy Don is a freakin’ idiot who thinks he knows everything better than everyone else. Oh that’s right, I forgot, he’s an engineer. When the first officer tells you to do something, you do it. Man, I feel sorry for Eddie and Dan (the first officer) this season.

The guests are going to catch their own food – lobster and conch – this ought to be good. Connie is in her element alongside them. She told us in the first episode that one of the things that can get her to drop her pants is “Let’s go fishing.” Apparently, she’s easy to please. Or just easy.

Pausing to ogle the Kraft Mac & Cheese commercial. I know it’s probably about one of the worst things you can eat, but I nearly got addicted to it when I was a mother’s helper for 6 years. One for you, one for me. And there were 3 kids.

A conch is harder to open than a coconut. Amy wonders why Chef Leon is mystified with this task because he’s never done it before, yet he was a chef in the Bahamas. I wonder too. Kate better come up with some even better towel concoctions, since primary guest, Dean, is a stickler for time and this is taking forever. Luckily, Dean thinks it’s “ridiculously good” when the meal is finally served. Ohhh, wait a second, what he served is what they caught. What a loser.

This week’s gem of wisdom from Kate: “Cruise ships are K-Mart and yachts are Neiman Marcus.” She added “everyone knows that,” but I didn’t know that, so she’s wrong on that point.

Don is an arrogant pr*ck. He’s basically arguing with Captain Lee about – what difference does it make? He’s arguing with the Captain. And in his talking heads segment, he says Captain Lee hardly works. Huh? Then he quits! Mid charter! He trumps Chef Leon as a double-loser.

Can’t wait for next week and the Greek party.

My Fab 40th

This is sort of like My Sweet 16th for older people, and instead of whining teens, we have anxious adults. The best part about the show is the fabulousness of the parties and the amount spent on them. The food! The drink! The outfits! The decorations! The cake! Theme parties with costumes are the best. (Phooey on you, Chef Leon.) Tonight, Carmine has chosen a Hunger Games party and the costumes are to die for. Even his mother is going with the flow.

Carmine thought his problem would be mixing his gay and straight friends, but IMO, the much bigger issue is running low on food. Throughout the first forty minutes of the show, he fretted about combining his social spheres, concerned that his straight friends have never been surrounded by so much “gayness.” I’m wondering how his friends can be that sheltered. Even growing up in Ohio, I went to the clubs in downtown Cleveland and wasn’t the least bit shocked when I moved to NYC (I could also read!). Only his mom really has difficulty with the atmosphere, but it’s more a question of polite conversation, people using words like “b*tch” and “queen,” terms of endearment to them, but understandably not to his mom.

All ends up well though. Carmine’s mom tells him that he’s blessed with the friends he has, and he’s happy with them too.

Total cost: $26,525 – Holy!

September 7. 2015 — The OC & London Ladies

Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Was a repeat. I remember when holidays used to mean something on the soap operas…sniff…

The Real Housewives of the OC

Let’s start right off with the insufferable Meghan. I’m all for having your partner’s back and your friends’ backs. I’m as loyal as they come. Example. One time, a good friend and I were walking down Madison Avenue.  There was a guy playing bagpipes across the street, full on with a kilt & the whole outfit. She thought it was an ex of hers who had really screwed her over. She wanted to go over and punch him in the nose. I told her I’d go with her, that I would even hold him down for her, but to make sure it was the right guy because I didn’t want to go to jail for nothing. That being said, I do not drag my husband, or even other friends, into my arguments with girlfriends. Although I honestly can’t remember the last time there was an argument where I would need any back up. When I was in high school?

Why doesn’t Heather get why Vicki is outraged? Meghan is saying Vicki is covering for Brooks in the cancer conspiracy and she’s going to get to “the bottom of this.” I think she watches too much TV. She also seems to think it’s a double standard that Vicki was “getting involved” in her parenting skills. Vicki was trying to give (granted, unasked for) advice. Meghan is basically saying Vicki’s hatching some diabolical plot. Husband Jim seems distant and fed up, but I haven’t seen enough of him to determine if this isn’t his natural demeanor. Them calling each other “babe” is getting on my nerves. Can’t they remember each other’s names?

Meghan also has a breast cancer scare. It turns out to be nothing, but the cancer runs in her family, so she decides to get tested for the breast cancer gene (BRCA). Once again, she’s shocked and appalled at the suggestion that someone might not want to know if they have this. “Why wouldn’t you?” she asks indignantly. Because, you know, her way is the only way.

I like Vicki’s daughter, Briana, and often she’s the voice of reason, but I’ve never understood her hatred for Brooks. A couple of seasons ago, he got drunk and said some mean things, but she had already expressed her distaste for him before that. She’s very bored In Oklahoma. She and husband Ryan have lived there a year and have no friends. Why? I went to Oklahoma once to get together with online friends and I thought the people were very friendly and gracious.

Tamra is confused. The “sex tape” was funny, her sh*t stirring and insulting people is not. I understand her anger – she did not have the greatest first marriage. Simon came off as cold and controlling, and I have no idea what her home life was like growing up. Eddie, however, is an awesome husband. He’s always been supportive and is always willing to discuss the relationship. And he’s good looking. Where did she find this guy? Anyway, Tamra wants to know if she screws up, will Jesus still love her? Um…that’s pretty basic stuff, and come to think of it, usually a pastor doesn’t baptize you unless you’ve taken a class in the basics. A question mark is over my head here.

Heather and husband Terry are launching a skincare line on a cable shopping network. Terry says not only have they invested a million bucks, but “8 million viewers will see me act like a complete buffoon at one time.” I’m sure he’ll do fine. I love his show, Botched, with Paul Nassif.

Shannon and David are dining at the “Beador Restaurant” – a pop-up restaurant that, Shannon tells us, pops up in their home occasionally, courtesy of their daughters. The table is decorated with bobbleheads of the Beador couple and white candles. Shannon is wearing her grandmother’s custom made dress (an amazing piece!) that she says makes her feel like Alexis from Dynasty. The girls say they’re creating this dining experience for their parents to make their relationship better. Shannon thinks it’s also a do-over for her birthday dinner that was not the best. These two must be doing something right, since their daughters are very astute and precious.

Yeah, Tamra, I’m with Eddie. You should have discussed it with him before you handed your son 8k. By the time I was 30, I was married, on my second apartment, and probably my 6th job, always trading up. I was only 24 when I asked my father to stop supplementing my income. I understand Christmas and birthday gifts, or even a bailout when something bad happens, but this dude isn’t exactly grounded, even though he has a wife and kids. Tamra says she doesn’t like it when Eddie gets mad because he rarely does (again proving his supportiveness). I’d be pissed too, and I have the feeling this will come back to haunt Tamra, especially since she told Eddie she’d make it clear to Ryan that it’s a loan, but has no intention of doing that.

Briana is being a total asshat about Brooks. (Meghan is too, but they’re saving that for next week.) Is there something I don’t know about this guy? Is Bravo going to pull Brooks’s rap sheet or secret family out of the woodwork? It seems unreasonable and ridiculous. What burns me too is, I’m not crazy about Briana’s husband, Ryan. While I appreciate that he’s a veteran, I’ve also noticed that he seems to anger easily. Like when he went apesh*t over Lydia’s mother putting her feet on Vicki’s couch during a party several seasons ago. I had the feeling that perhaps he was suffering from PTSD or some other issue stemming from being in Iraq. Either he’s having or had back surgery (my first thought was, oh great, they’ll be giving him drugs), Briana is working 2 jobs and says she has to be both mother and father to their toddler son. And she’s complaining about Brooks’s relationship with her mother? She hasn’t even seen him in 2 years and she thinks he’s a “terrible person.” Why? Just tell me why. Please.

Ladies of London

Whoa. They started with the same song that’s the theme song for Little Women of New York, and I got confused for a second.

When we last left the ladies, Annabelle had just had a serious accident while riding her horse. She broke both her back and her pelvis, and is still recovering.

Oddly enough, although she is really a Lady, and her husband’s family owns Mapperton Estate in Dorsett, Julie Montagu lives in the smallest house among the cast, has the most children, and the least amount of staff, which is to say none. It’s fun watching this Vicountess juggle 50 different things at once.

Another American, Juliet, wants a real Thanksgiving, thinking she might start a new tradition among the ladies. It’s also going to be her birthday this year. I, too, am a Thanksgiving baby. It’s one of those birthdays that either everyone remembers because it’s on or around the holiday, or everyone forgets, because it’s on or around the holiday. (I have no complaints though. At least I wasn’t born on Christmas.) Marissa (also American) tries to override Juliet’s idea, saying they should go to her restaurant where they have It every year. Juliet approaches Caroline, asking her to have Thanksgiving at her house. Rather than witnessing Juliet cry, a fate worse than death (Caroline is the perfect example of a stiff upper lip), she agrees, even though she’s having some important cocktail party the night before. When Juliet tells Marissa, Marissa gets very animated about how she wants to throw this birthday party for Juliet with a turkey cake or a cake with a turkey on it or something. In any case, she’s not happy.

In a truly inappropriate moment, Marissa brings Thanksgiving hats to Caroline’s cocktail party. In her talking head segment, she thinks that Juliet is trading her friendship for Caroline’s. I thought she just didn’t want to celebrate her birthday/Thanksgiving at a restaurant. I’m actually all for it, but some people don’t feel that way. Marissa acts like a brat, ignoring Juliet at the party. Juliet was very clear about how she felt, so why are Marissa’s feelings so hurt? Juliet didn’t even know about the cake turkey. Marissa accuses Juliet of “shopping her birthday around.” Huh?

It ends with the two of them bickering at the cocktail party. Caroline calls them “emotional Americans,” but is flattered that she’s a part of the argument.

October 10 – People’s Couch is back!