Monthly Archives: October 2015

October 30, 2015 — Halloween in Port Charles & a Zombie Museum


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital – Thursday

I guess I didn’t miss anything yesterday, since everyone seems to be acting normally. Or at least as normal as they’re going to be in Port Charles.

Halloween is here! Emma has decided on the Evie costume (Paul told her it gave her “an edge”), Sam is the Evil Queen (been there, done that), and Patrick is a doctor (a real stretch) along with Danny as his mini-me. “Jake” and the rest of the boys are a football team

Spinelli has stayed behind to work on the “Jake” project. “All Hallows Eve,” he tells us, “is a night when secrets are revealed.” I live in hope, but not really. He’s also answering the door for trick-or-treaters, and Maxie shows up.

Dillon and Lulu are getting ready for The Haunted Star Halloween Extravaganza, but Lulu tells him she doesn’t see how they can be friends again. After a real just one kiss? She’s a little ridiculous. That almost rhymed. The PA, Andy, is editing his behind-the-scenes film and comes across the part where Valerie tells Dillon she slept with Dante and they didn’t know the camera was on. He says “whoa,” but I don’t because I already knew all that.

Ava, who always has the best outfits – today it’s a shocking blue number with black lace detail – is on the phone leaving a message for Kiki, asking her for help with the custody battle. Tracy shows up and says she wants “a piece of work,” but doesn’t mean Ava.

Paul tries to give Dillon some romance advice, and tells him to not give up. Rah-rah.

Andy is supposed to be setting up the music, and Lulu interrupts his film watching. He runs into Valerie in the hallway and tells her she looks smokin’ hot (she’s dressed as a 1950s schoolgirl and “cute” might be more appropriate). He asks if she has a better relationship going on and we both say, “Huh?” Valerie is looking for Lulu and goes in the editing room which is now a dressing room. Lulu is going with sexy cop. Zzzzzz….

Spinelli and Maxie SKYPE with their baby, Georgie, and then say how flawless she is. “A perfect collections of atoms,” Spinelli says.

Tracy is looking for a specific artist that only Ava’s gallery carries. She says that Ava shouldn’t expect Kiki’s help, and that Avery didn’t exactly hit the parent jackpot with a sociopath and a mob boss, but she picks Sonny to be the better parent regardless. I dunno. I like Ava. I like her more than I do Sonny anyway.

Dante tells Sonny the truth about Valerie. Sonny tells him it’s not going to do anyone any good for Dante to wallow in regret and suggests he go to confession.

Lulu tells Valerie that there’s weird tension between her and Dillon now, but Valerie tells her she shouldn’t give up the friendship. She says that Dillon has done a lot for her family and she should give him a break.

Commercial break. I am so tired of everything being “connected.” Sorry, but when I leave the house, I don’t want the phone, computer and television following me. I leave the house to get away from all that.

Ava tells Tracy to get lost, that she doesn’t need the sale that bad. Tracy runs into Paul at the door.

Andy tells Dillon he’d better take a look at the film. Yep.

Spinelli gives Maxie a book on goddesses, because she’s dressed like one and it’s not the first time. She says next time at leastshe’ll know which one she is. Spinelli says she’ll always be a goddess to him and they say they’ll always love each other. I wish they meant it that way. Nathan is hot, but I miss Spinelli, and I was never crazy about Ellie. Although it all seemed like just a vehicle to get Georgie off the canvas.

Elizabeth, now in her cheerleader outfit, is back home from trick-or-treating with the guys. Young Jake still keeps insisting that “Jake” is his father. Elizabeth asks “Jake” to consider adopting Jake and Cameron after they get married.

Nooooo! Maxie just spilled coffee all over Spinelli’s keyboard while the whole shebang was downloading. I actually said, “Noooo!” and gasped out loud and all the dogs looked at me like, what up? What up is that I’d better not have to wait until Christmas for this reveal. I’m more disappointed than Spinelli.

Sam tries to sop the mess up with a towel. Maxie is mortified and Spinelli tells her it’s fine. No. It’s not. She has to leave and suggests he put the laptop in some rice. (?) When she’s gone, Spinelli tells Sam it’s “an unmitigated disaster.” OMG, I can’t stand it.

Elizabeth talks to the boys alone about “Jake” adopting them. The boys are excited about it, and young Jake says he’s on board even though “Jake” doesn’t need to adopt him. This kid is like a dog with a bone.

Paul says he’s there to look at the same collection Tracy was interested in. He tells Tracy that Dillon turned down his funding offer because he wouldn’t feel right taking more money, and Tracy wonders whose child Dillon is. She says they can be supportive by going to The Haunted Star party, and he says he’ll meet her there.

Dante tells Sonny that Dillon knows about his indiscretion because Valerie told him. Sonny says she might be cool, but she obviously has no impulse control, and that he has to tell Lulu before someone else does. For once, I agree with him. Mostly because I want to see the fireworks.

Spinelli uses the hairdryer on the keyboard, when “Jake” shows up. He acts really cute with Danny and he seems like a natural as a dad. I feel Spinelli’s pain with that keyboard. I did the same thing twice in a row and finally got a keyboard you can put in the dishwasher.

Elizabeth tells Patrick that she’s glad “Jake” has stopped with chasing his real identity. And Patrick goes, D’oh! Because he know better.

Ava gets a text from her lawyer saying that under no circumstances will Kiki help her out. She starts to cry and Paul tells her to trust him, that it’s going to be okay. Then he kisses her big time. I’d just been thinking they might be good together.

Tracy tells Maxie she’ll be glad to contribute funding to the film, but she’d like a producer credit and a “teeny, tiny” say in the final cut. Maxie wonders why she bothered to ask.

Lulu and Dillon make up and while they’re hugging it out, Lulu sees a freeze frame of Dillon talking to Valerie on the laptop screen.

Patrick goes humana-humana, and says Elizabeth should try and see it from “Jake’s” side, that he wants to make sure he’s the man she needs him to be. She says blah-blah-blah, because I stopped listening to her a long time ago.

Spinelli says it’s do or die time. It’s back! The laptop is working! Hallelujah!

Jake gets a text from “Unknown” that says, “We’re coming for you.” Great. I hope they don’t come before we find out who he really is.

Lulu asks what’s on the screen and Dillon tells her it’s probably behind-the-scenes stuff. She says she guesses Valerie made the cut and wonders if she did. And then…SHE PRESSES THE BUTTON TO START THE FILM. Please, oh please, oh please.

Sonny tells Dante that being a man means making mistakes and figuring out how to fix them. (I think there might be a little more to it than that, but okay.) Dante says he’ll come clean with Lulu. I am so hoping it’s after she sees that film clip. I’m making popcorn.

Side comment: Since GH ends slightly before the hour, because we all know ABC can’t wait to give you the bad news, I flipped to CBS and saw the preview for tomorrow’s Dr. Phil. Jared Fogle is one huge deviant. I think Subway stock just plummeted to nothing from even that small clip.

General Hospital – Friday

Halloween continues. The Haunted Star is rocking and rolling. Morgan is dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow. How 2003 of him.

Dammit! Lulu hits play, but Dillon slams the laptop shut.

Franco and Nina are getting ready for the party or maybe they’re going to have their own party. Franco doesn’t want to give Kiki a ride (I have no clue what her costume is supposed to be – punk hipster?), and tells her to call a car. She’s been banned from the taxi company though, since she threw up in a cab. I guess they don’t have Uber. Ava shows up with baby Avery, who is dressed as a baby unicorn.

Andy shows up and Lulu goes back to tend to her guests. Dillon wants to know what’s up with the behind-the-scenes footage.

Paul shows up while Anna is at the docks. She tells him she thinks he’s part of a cover-up involving the deceased Carrrlos. Paul asks her what she sees when she looks in the mirror, and that he sees a decent person who’s crumbling from the inside out. He says she’s been a wreck since she came back to Port Charles. Then he says it. “You murdered Carrrlos Rivera.”

Sabrrrina (a princess) tells Felix (a vampire) that the baby might not be Michael’s. She tells him about her tryst with Carrrlos.

“Jake” is at (where else?) The Floating Rib with Carly, Michael and Sam. It’s a pseudo bachelor party. Yay! Karaoke time! “Jake” and Sam get up to sing. Their book of songs looks a lot more organized than the one where I do karaoke. I’m disappointed that we don’t get to hear anyone sing.

Spinelli tells Sam that the reconstruction should be completed shortly, but then what? I’ll tell him what. He’s going to see Jason’s face and I can stop putting quotes around Jake’s name.

Elizabeth gets a gift of a family heirloom and note from Audrey, apologizing for not being able to make the ceremony, but sending much love. Since we see her writing it, I assume Rachel Ames either wasn’t able to participate more than that or they didn’t want to pay her for more than that.

Dante tells Nathan (a gladiator) that he’s going to come clean with Lulu. Dante is dressed as a cheating husband.

Dillon tells Andy to delete the footage. Andy says it’s 50% of his grade, but he won’t include that part. I’m a little confused why he just can’t edit it out immediately.

Maxie is hitting up Morgan for some funding. He wants a scene with Darby, who he’s at the party with. I thought he made up with Kiki. WTH? Ohh, I’ll bet I did miss something yesterday.

Kiki tells Ava not to push her or she’ll tell the DA everything she’s ever done. Franco asks her to leave. She begs Kiki to let her fix things, but it’s a no. Ava asks Franco to help with the Kiki situation. She says that none of this would have happened if Franco hadn’t left her to die on the bridge. He says he’ll take it under advisement. She says that when he’s sitting around getting fat off of Nina’s money, to remember that he could have saved Avery from Sonny.

OMG, I think I know what’s going to happen. Dillon is supposed to show “the sizzle reel,” whatever that means, to help them promote the film. Maybe it will be a sizzle in a different way.

Good Lord, I can’t stand it. Something is up with Ellie, and Spinelli says he’s going home at once. No, no, no, no, no. Not before that reconstruction finishes. He leaves a phone message for Sam, saying he has to go, but he’s leaving the laptop with her. Are they on dial-up or something? What takes days to download anymore?

Paul tells Anna that he has enough evidence to convict her, but doesn’t want to send her to prison. Paul planted Carrrlos’s wallet on another body that was too decomposed for them to tell, and had it cremated before anyone could ask too many questions. Or check dental records.

Lulu tells Tracy that she and Dante want to try for another child. Tracy tells her she’s not going to give out any unicorns and rainbows, and that Lulu has enough on her plate.

Valerie tells Dante she made it into the police academy. Valerie and Dante hug it out and Dillon is lurking. Dante wants to tell her about how he’s going to confess to Lulu, but she says it’s not a good time and disappears.

Paul tells Anna that she deserves a break, that she only made one bad decision. He says that maybe she’ll be in a position to return the favor one day.

Sabrrrina says she’s barely holding it together, and Felix tells her she needs to take a paternity test.

Patrick says something to Elizabeth about having cold feet, because she’s getting married “tomorrow.”  Um, even in Soapland, the day after Halloween isn’t November 6.

Kiki makes it to the party. She’s looking for Morgan, who is getting busy with Darby somewhere. I can’t tell if he’s still at the party or they’re at a hotel.

Anna sees Carrrlos! I would so love it if he wasn’t really dead. No body, no dead, I say. Even sometimes when there’s a body, they’re not dead.

Here comes the sizzle reel…. YES! And the remote won’t work. Thank you! Thank you! This just made my Halloween.

Spinelli gives Carly the laptop and asks her tells her to pass it along to Sam. The facial recognition is now 99% complete. These people are going to kill me yet.

The last thing we see is “Jake’s” face turn into Jason’s on the laptop screen. Finally. I hope.

Z Nation

Operation Bite Mark is assessing their supplies, which pretty much consist of a handful of bullets, some batteries, and a few pieces of chewing gum “for repair purposes only.”

Doc wakes Murphy, who’s been dreaming of brains. And I don’t mean smarts, I mean a snack. While helping Doc forage for lunch, Murphy sees a brain hanging from a rope. When he investigates, he falls into a hole. Like one of those cartoon traps. A zombie is there already, eating some brains. When the zombie holds them out to Murphy, he dips his finger in them and puts it across his gums, as though it was cocaine. And it gives him a jolt like the same.

A dude in a steampunk outfit enters the hole, knocks Murphy out and tangles with the zombie, killing him. Murphy wakes up in a lab. Steampunk dude is doing some kind of experiments, and is startled that Murphy seems to have a certain amount of comprehension. Because Murphy has been choked out, he can’t quite speak. Oh, I get it. Steampunk Dude (who actually looks like a middle-aged hippie) set the trap for experiment subjects.

Murphy asks for water. He gets his voice back, and Steampunk Dude brings out a recording of Citizen Z describing Murphy. At least he got a clue pretty quickly. What he decides to do about Murphy is yet to be seen.

Murphy ends up in a shock collar. He says his friends will be looking for him. Steampunk Dude gets a little nuts, talking about the CDC (the organization that Murphy is headed to). Apparently, he’s been hassling them for years, and has a stack of returned mail, with the addresses written in crayon, to prove it. No doubt he has some cease and desist letters too. He also constantly makes notes on cards he keeps on a makeshift Rolodex around his neck.

Steampunk Dude has been banned from Comicon because he was actually serious about being a zombie hunter. He’s created a zombie museum. A lot of nerdy repartee happens while he shows Murphy his collection. He also has an interesting Groot. He says that George Romero working social commentary into horror films has resonance. Murphy sees a poster for Dawn of the Dead and says scary and funny is the way he likes his zombies. There is a whole lot of discussion about Dawn of the Dead. Steampunk Dude says Romero never explained why the dead rise and that’s more horrifying than anything else. Good point. Steampunk Dude says Murphy is to be revered. Geez, you’d think he’d take off the shock collar then. Steampunk Dude has hot running water, and Murphy gets a shower. Probably the first one in who knows how long.

After his shower, Murphy is getting dressed when Steampunk Dude struggles with a zombie. Murphy gets the best of him while he’s distracted, says he must be on his way, and then gets shot in the back with some kind of dart. Shit. Steampunk Dude says that Murphy is only the CDC’s pawn, and if anyone wants to see him, they’ll have to go through Steampunk Dude first. His plans are to have an interactive display in his museum with Murphy.

He puts Murphy in the guest chair and does some kind of public access show called Dead Live, that I imagine is for posterity since there’s no electricity for people to watch TV.  I do learn his name is Dean though. He takes a bone marrow sample from Murphy with a six or eight inch needle (he isn’t sure which) because science is all about trying, and he wants to see if it tells him anything.

In an interview segment, Murphy says he was in prison and being used as a guinea pig for experimental drugs by the CDC. When the prison was overrun with zombies, he was bitten, but survived. He said he made a promise to eat the doctor’s brains that was in charge of the experiments.

We periodically see OBM searching through every house for Murphy in the meantime.

Dean continues to interview Murphy about everything from what happens when he bites someone (he says nothing special, even though we know otherwise, and they flash back to Cassandra) and whether he can control zombies with his thoughts (“that’s how rumors get started”). He tells Dean that he doesn’t know what brains taste like because he’s never eaten them, and Dean responds by saying, “For the first time on television…” When Dean leaves to put the bone marrow sample in the fridge, Murphy taps into the brain of a lab zombie and tells him to cut Murphy’s bonds with a medical tool. Before that can be accomplished though, Dean returns.

Dean has a display of live zombies, chained behind an electric fence. In the “Celebrity Zombie Room,” it’s George RR Martin signing books. Murphy doesn’t know who he is because they didn’t have HBO in prison. Dean says they were both at the last Comicon when the apocalypse happened.  Because the autograph reflexes run so deep, George can still autograph books and Dean says he’ll make a mint when eBay comes back and he has thousands of them. He asks Murphy if his telepathic powers can get George to finish his last book. I’m with him one that. Murphy picks up a manuscript that begins, “Summer is here,” (ha-ha!) and wonders why 800 pages isn’t enough (snort). Murphy asks if he can keep one of the books and slams Dean in the head with it. Running past the exhibit, he sees a chair meant for him. Dean chases him through what looks like an old hotel all the while giving him various monetary incentives to stick around. When Murphy reaches the front door, Dean says 50/50 is the best he can do. Dean pushes a buzzer and tells Murphy to go, but the door is electrified. Dean says Murphy is dangerous and he’s  going to drain Murphy’s blood and freeze it. He keeps using the shock collar on Murphy and its pissing me off.

10K is at the door! Murphy can’t see him, and Dean keeps shocking him, so he can’t do anything. This is a freakin’ stressful moment. Dean goes to the door and 10K says he’s looking for a friend. Dean says he hasn’t seen anyone. 10K isn’t satisfied though and keeps asking questions. He finally leaves, but gets in to the building through the kitchen. He walks past the live display and finds Murphy, with an IV draining his blood.

Here comes the ohshitohshitohshit moment.

Dean comes up behind 10K and shocks him. I guess this is the only way to incapacitate both zombies and people. He wants Murphy to turn 10K. In a zombie way.10K begs him not to turn him into “one of those things.” Murphy says he doesn’t know what 10K is talking about, and Dean shocks him. Murphy tells 10K not to be afraid. 10K says he doesn’t fear Murphy, he hates him and wishes he would die for real. They both get another shock when Murphy says they finally agree on something. Dean fires a warning shot and says if Murphy doesn’t bite 10K, he’ll shoot them both. OBM has heard the shot. Murphy is about to bite 10K when he asks Dean if he’s sure that’s what he wants. Dean says to show him what it’s like to be a zombie. This was probably the wrong thing to say, as Murphy sics the now loose display zombies on him. So much blood has been drained from Murphy, he passes out, and the zombies look at 10K

This is not good. And it doesn’t matter that 10K says, “I’m with him,” pointing to the unconscious Murphy. OBM arrives and has just enough bullets to get rid of the zombies. They wheel Murphy out as he regains consciousness.

Vasquez gets the collar off of Murphy. Doc sets up the IV to put the blood back into Murphy. Murphy asks Roberta to promise not to leave him alone when they get to California and she does. Murphy seems alone and afraid, and it’s a little sad.

IMO, this was one of the best episodes ever. Not only did we get a lot of Murphy’s backstory, it appealed to the nerd in me. The original Dawn of the Dead is one of my favorite horror films, and the banter about it was excellent. The George RR Martin cameo was a real delight as well.

October 28, 2015 — GH Interrupted & Twice the LA


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)


General Hospital

Liz tells Ric about her upcoming nuptials. Ric gets together with Sonny to discuss the custody case.

Scotty goes to Ava’s gallery, which is chock full of cartoonlike paintings of lizards, to discuss the custody case with her. Ava brings up the obvious, that Sonny is in the mob. Scotty says that every time he goes to prison, he commits an act of heroism and everyone loves him. Scotty tells her that she’d better make nice with Kiki before the custody hearing, so that Kiki will be supportive.

“Jake” apologizes to Spinelli for his outburst. Spinelli says that he purged the files when he got caught (much to his “everlasting shame”) and needs “Jake” to get a legitimate copy of his medical records.

Just as Dillon is about to tell Lulu about Dante and Valerie, Nathan and Valerie come in. Nathan tells Lulu that her beer delivery is there and she says she’ll be right back. I pass out from holding my breath for the last 24 hours.

Kiki wants to text Morgan an apology (why?), but hesitates in sending it. She does. He recieves while at the hospital where half the cast lives now. He comes to see her, and she apologizes for being a drunken jerk. She also says there are a lot of leftovers from Nathan and Maxie’s visit. No doubt they are soggy and stale, but Morgan says he’ll go fix them a plate. Ha-ha-ha! While he’s out of the room, new girl Darby texts Morgan, asking him if he wants to hang out and Kiki texts back that he can’t because he’s “busy having sex with Kiki.” Good one!

Maxie tells Nathan that Dillon told her he has something on Dante, but she still hasn’t found out what. Valerie takes Dillon aside and asks what’s up. Dillon says he’s had enough of Dante’s hypocrisy. Valerie says it will destroy Lulu, not to mention her, which I file under “who cares.” Lulu comes in and Valerie covers by saying she’s back together with Dillon, to which he agrees. Dammit!

Maxie asks Dante to make Nathan tell her his secret because they should share everything and he gets really nasty, saying she’s the last one who should be talking about giving up information, since she carried a child for nine months, telling them it was Dante and Lulu’s when it wasn’t. I want Lulu to find out about him more than ever.

“Jake” is having lunch with Elizabeth and she says she has an early wedding present for him. While she’s off fetching it, he goes to the desk to get a copy of his medical records.

Nice. ABC broke in for a memorial service. I feel badly about the cop that was killed, but it’s gotten ridiculous that they think everything needs everyone’s attention, and nothing can wait until 4 pm’s news anymore.

Turning to People’s Court.

Little Women LA – Reunion Part 1

I can tell you right now, it’s hard to take someone seriously who’s wearing a blue wig or a mohawk.

Oh great, it looks like Bravo is getting them drunk first. This ought to be a real sh*tshow.  I don’t even see one hors d’oeuvre there. Just liquor.

Before they even introduce the women, we trip down Memory Lane with every argument they’ve ever had. Way to warm them up. At least it doesn’t look like they’re sitting in someone’s garage this time.

We start off with Jasmine’s introduction to the group and Tonya telling her she can’t just “walk in and fit in.” Tonya thinks it’s funny that she tried to aggressively grab Jasmine’s hair when Jasmine tried to avoid a fight with her. Elena says Jasmine tried to be too sweet to everyone. Whatever that means. Jasmine says that’s just how she is. Elena says Jasmine had texted her about getting into the entertainment industry and apparently this is a bad thing. I guess because it’s competitive? Terra says Jasmine is secretly just as loud and obnoxious as the rest of them. Okay.

Whoa. These girls are really picking on Jasmine. Elena seems to think Jasmine had an ulterior motive to make friends with them, but this really sounds like some kind of sour grapes thing. I didn’t get that vibe from Jasmine at all, and she certainly didn’t come across that way in her individual interviews, which is where they usually drop any pretense.

Now we’re on to other new girl, Britney. This chick really did get off to a bad start, by intimating that Elena had some kind of unsavory relationship with David, Britney’s dad, while she was married. Terra says she’s worse than Jasmine because she makes up things. Terra is also the only one in this group who calls Britney’s dad “Davide,” and I want to know why. Britney looks like she’s going to cry, although she kind of backtracks about the Elena thing. (I have to admit, he is cute and charming.) Now Elena is on Terra’s case because what Terra said Britney said (ha-ha! I sound like I’m I middle school) wasn’t exactly what Britney said when Elena saw the episode. Of course Terra says that there was more to it that wasn’t aired. Like Bravo wouldn’t have stirred that pot. David comes out to clear things up. He says he dated Christy before she was with Todd, but he was only friends with Elena. Now Terra is changing Elena’s words from David being supportive when she was going through a tough time with Preston, to that David hit on her.

I guess we’re going to drag this out. Elena says that she told Terra that she thought maybe David was having feelings for her. The moderator asks if David regrets anything. Yeah, just getting involved with this group is probably a world of regret.

Next, we’re on to Todd and Christy’s efforts to have a child. Todd joins them. He says the artificial insemination process was very painful physically for Christy, which is why he didn’t want to go that route again. He says they were so focused on the whole thing, they neglected everything else, like each other. Christy says they’re both goal oriented, so they both forgot to stop and smell the roses. Or something like that.

We see some “lost footage,” that’s not that lost, and is mostly sex talk during their Palm Springs weekend. Briana says it was a great weekend, but Christy says the only thing that stands out in her mind is that Briana was lying by not telling them she was married. Tonya says when you hide something, it means you’re not sure of it yourself. I can’t say I’ve ever heard that theory. Elena says that Briana didn’t say anything because everyone hated Matt from the get-go. They go on and on and on about how Briana lied and I get dizzy.

Matt joins the group. We flash back to everyone lambasting Briana for breathing the same air as Matt. In one of the clips, Terra says that since Matt has a record, he won’t be getting a job. Someone should clue her in that plenty of people with records get jobs. Briana says that every time his name even came up, she got grief, so she decided not to say anything about it to the girls. Briana says they were in Vegas for her birthday, and it was a spontaneous move. Terra says Briana had said she wanted to move slowly with him, and she knocked them for a loop. Jasmine says she’s a grown ass woman, and Terra counters with then she shouldn’t behave like a child and lie. Matt’s cheating is brought up. IMO, I have no clue if Matt is a bad guy, and although I understand girlfriends protecting each other, these girls went at her like a bunch of machine guns constantly. It’s not surprising she wouldn’t tell them her business. It wasn’t the message, it was the delivery.

Matt and Terra start getting into it about whether or not he has a record. It sounds to me like he might have been arrested, but never convicted and it was probably a domestic dispute. Matt says that when he cheated (which was sexting), Briana had dumped him and they weren’t together. There is some argument about this, since the girls say Briana had said they were together at the time. Briana says not so. I have no idea since everyone seems to make it up as they go along.

OMG, they bring out their special guest, Michaela, the woman Matt sexted. I don’t want to say she’s unattractive, but…

We have to wait until next week to see what Michaela has to say. It looks like there’s going to be quite a ruckus. A few ruckuses actually.

Million Dollar Listing: LA

Madison, a dude from previous seasons, is showing James and his clients a house in Malibu. It’s really modern and not my style, but everything always seems to be about the view anyway. I guess that’s because you can always tear down a house, but the view is the view. The house is right on the ocean. I mean right on the ocean. Like 3 feet away. The potential buyer couple is concerned about natural disasters, and rightly so. I live near the ocean myself. Although not that close.

JoshA is meeting with a developer. He shows Josh his house, and asks the developer’s young daughter what she thinks of the ceiling detail. She says it’s “modern, yet inviting,” and we know she’s precocious. When they sit down to deal, she’s a shark. As always, the sellers want more than the broker thinks they can get. He says that to overprice in a hot market is a bad idea. Josh thinks he’s being punked when he asks what happens if he doesn’t get a bite in the first week, and the kid says it’s on him. They compromise by agreeing that if there is nothing in the first week, the price goes lower.

JoshF is showing houses to buyers who are hinging their decision on if their painting likes it. Yes, you read that right. He shows them an “arts and crafts” bungalow from the 1920s. I’m in, and the painting likes it. Hey Mikey! It hasn’t hit the market yet, and Josh says that they need to go to full ask, which the husband is not too keen on. He wants to start with $1.7 million, when full ask is $2 million. It always boggles my mind when the buyers get stupid over what’s a small amount in the long run. I think these two might be making a mistake.

James and Madison show James’s couple a house with an empty property in back of it. Just by coincidence, a friend of Madison’s owns the empty lot and will be happy to sell it. Since they want privacy, it’s a win-win all around. James gives them some lemons that are the size of footballs in celebration.

Josh is showing the developer’s place. He explains to his assistants the ins and outs of how the property should be presented for what the buyer is asking. It’s a brokers’ open house and they all balk at the price. David has teamed with JoshA on this one too. Bravo realizes we’re bored, so they’ve decided to shuffle the broker deck.

The couple’s lowball offer was rejected. The seller didn’t counter either. JoshF says offering anything other than full ask will just piss them off. The husband is being a real jerk, and the wife already wanted to offer the full price. This guy is going to lose the house over $39K. He finally relents and Josh makes the deal. Not sure if the husband will be sleeping on the couch tonight or not.

It turns out James’s client is afraid of heights, which is a liability in the Hollywood Hills. David suggests the overpriced house. James calls JoshA and he joshes him (I couldn’t resist) by pretending he doesn’t know who James is at first, but business is business and he’s glad to show the house.

JoshF is at his parents’ house for dinner. They just remodeled their home. I never saw the before, but the after is fabulous. His mother tells him that he needs to stop living in a hotel, and Josh tells her he wants to live in Grandma Enid’s penthouse. His mother thinks that’s a bad idea because he would turn it into a shrine to her, and Josh has to admit that’s a possibility. I liked her too, so I can get where their coming from.

JoshA gets his wish and the developer lowers his price. The daughter makes some remarks that seem scripted. Since James’s buyers are also real estate novices, he tells them to keep a poker face even if they love it. Josh rubs his hands in glee, spying a naïve young couple who are loaded. Of course James is going to try to get the price down, even though they can afford full ask. James makes an offer.

JoshF says it feels like Grandma Enid is just on vacation. He says the penthouse isn’t the same without her, and I know how he feels. When my father died, the house I grew up in was no longer the same either. Josh’s husband comes to the penthouse. He says that Josh doesn’t seem like he’s ready to make a decision. Josh agrees, and says maybe he’ll “hear from her” in the meantime.

JoshA confers with his brother (who also works with him) on the not-as-overpriced-now house. James and David come to the office. Josh counters their offer with almost a million more. They up their ante by $200K all cash, but Josh says all cash isn’t a big deal anymore. The developer is okay with that, but Josh wants to get more. The developer says his daughter will appreciate that. Josh counters, but then takes the next counter offer. Sold for $7,4 million.

October 27, 2015 — Port Charles Pre-Halloween, Yachting, Loving & Couch Quotes


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

It’s almost Halloween in Port Charles. Emma is trying on various costumes for Anna, and comes downstairs dressed as “Joy.” The doorbell rings and it’s Death, I mean Paul scaring the crap out of Emma.

Hayden and Nicholas are now living at The Floating Rib. Sam walks in and Nicholas asks why he shouldn’t have her arrested for breaking into his house and hacking into his computer. He makes a good point, except that his own unlawful doings might be exposed.

Alexis is teaching Julian how to change a diaper. Um, if he doesn’t know by now, he probably doesn’t want to know. Olivia asks Dante and Lulu to keep an eye on baby Leo. She wants them to be his godparents.

Maxie has done well with fundraising for Dillon’s movie. She has a large check, but tells Dillon he’s not going to get it unless he tells her his secret. Loose lips will sink Dante yet. She says she’ll tear the check up if he doesn’t spill it. He calls her bluff, but says he’ll tell her after he shows her something.

Sam suggests they call it a draw, since Nicholas invaded “Jake’s” privacy. She tells Nicholas that he got his wish, that “Jake” is so discouraged at this point, he’s going to stop seeking his true identity and marr Elizabeth.

Paul apologizes for scaring Emma and offers her a lollypop. (Geez, I think a Snickers bar might be more appropriate here.)Emma says she’s not supposed to take candy from strangers and Anna says he just seems strange. Ha-ha! Emma goes back upstairs and Paul tells Anna he’s there to discuss Carrrlos.

Sabrrrina tells Michael that they’re not strong enough as a couple yet, that it’s too soon to get married. She doesn’t want to get married just because she’s pregnant, and says that’s not a good enough reason to spend the rest of their lives together. He says he eventually was going to ask her anyway. She says that even love isn’t enough and suggests they wait until they see how they handle the pressures of having the baby first. Tracy and Monica come in arguing about Danny having played hide-and-seek in Tracy’s closet.

I think Dillon might really tell Maxie. When she asks if he actually has anything on Dante, he tells her yes. She’s surprised, since she was just “fishing.”

Paul says that Anna seems oddly interested in Carrrlos’s corpse. She says it’s because he killed Duke and she wants to know more about how he died. Which makes perfect sense…not.

Nicholas tells Hayden that he knows Sam and she was telling the truth. While at the same time Sam gets a text from Spinelli. Hayden hints around for an invite as Nicholas’s plus one to the wedding. (Lots of fishing in this episode.) She says if he brings her, they will be “official” as boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sam and Lucas check out the new house Julian had built for Alexis. Julian tells them that he and Olivia will be sharing custody of Leo.

Anna gives Paul a song and dance that I’ll bet even she doesn’t believe. Emma comes down in a “Princess Evie” costume. When she tells Paul that Evie is evil, Paul asks why. Emma says that she really isn’t but she thinks with her heart, not her head. Paul is like, I know someone else like that, while shooting eyeball darts at Anna.

Dillon shows Maxie her performance, but she gets so worried about what her hair looks like, she forgets all about the secret. Too late. Dante and Lulu show up at The Haunted Star to do some Halloween decorating.

Monica didn’t know about Sabrrrina’s pregnancy, and is disappointed that Tracy knew before she did. Sabrrrina tells her that she didn’t tell Tracy, Tracy just figured it out and knew even before Michael. Tracy says Michael didn’t notice because he was too much all up in Sonny’s business.

Emma goes upstairs to change once more. Paul tells Anna that she’s no longer authorized to dig into police business, and unless she tells him what she was really up to, he’ll press charges. Anna tells him she’s suspicious that the body wasn’t Carrrlos.

Nicholas tells Hayden that it should be obvious that he has feelings for her. She says prove it and take her to the wedding. She says she wants to feel like a part of things and have fun again. Nicholas caves and says he’ll bring her. I’m starting to wonder now if it will be Hayden that blows things up.

Olivia shows up at Julian and Alexis’s place and apologizes to Lucas and Sam for lying about baby Leo. It doesn’t look like Lucas is accepting that, even though he says he is.

Anna tells Paul her instincts tell her that it isn’t Carrrlos’s body, that someone made it seem that way. She thinks it’s some kind of cover-up. Paul says that Anna ought to know all about it.

Tracy thinks that Carly is the reason Michael and Sabrrrina aren’t getting married. Sabrrrina says no, she was the one. Tracy says it’s because Michael is involved in the coffee importation business. Michael and Sabrrrina step outside and Tracy and Monica pretend to argue. Tracy looks like she’s going to start laughing any second.

Dillon is on his laptop when Dante walks in and acts like the a-hole he is because he sees a freeze frame of Lulu. Dillon says she walked into a shot, but if he was smart, he would have added that he was trying to figure out how to edit it out. He says he might not keep his word to not say anything about Dante and Valerie.

Paul says Emma has come down in the best costume yet, and she says these are her regular clothes. He does some cute bantering with her and says he’ll be in touch with Anna.

Monica and Tracy have a drink and share some Quartermaine memories.

Sam gets another text from Spinelli saying they’re a step closer to “Jake’s” real ID.

Hayden says who knows, that her memory might come back at the ceremony, which is probably not a good thing to say if she really wants to go.

Dillon tells Dante it’s over for him, and then tells Lulu he has to tell her something. Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

Below Deck

When we last left our yachtees, there was a fire in the galley. Eddie puts on his super hero cape and gets it contained. Since she’s prone to insanity and hating Kate, Rocky stupidly says that it’s Kate’s fault because she put a pizza in the oven when there were other pans in there. That would be a no. Kate says that if the oven is like the rest of the galley, it was probably the grease. Eww! That makes me think of Kitchen Nightmares and how disgusting some of the kitchens can be. I wouldn’t expect it on this yacht. On second thought, it’s lazy Leon, king of getting over. Captain Lee says a fire on a small boat like this can turn into some really bad news. He says they’ll deal with the incident report in the morning.

The next morning, Leon completely ignores the fact that there was a fire In his galley and that he slept through the fire alarm. No surprise, since he ignores everything else. Rocky tells him about what happened with the pizza. Leon says that Kate is waiting for him to fall on his face. Gee, maybe she wants you to actually give a flying about your job.

The primary guest, Alan, is having a 50th birthday party. Another shark dive has also been scheduled for them. Connie has to pull up the anchor because Eddie worked the night shift, and we already know this can be a problematic chore. Success! While I don’t always like her personality, I love Connie’s work ethic and how she can be one of the guys. I grew up riding on a truck with Teamsters, so I can identify.

Champagne for breakfast sounds good to me. Captain Lee says they’re going to make Alan’s birthday memorable. The ladies are going somewhere for drinks while the guys go on the dive. That would be a tough choice, but I think I’d go on the dive.

Captain Lee calls Kate to the bridge. Since the oven looks like it hasn’t been cleaned the entire season, it’s no surprise it caught fire. I don’t think the other pans that were in there did it, but I’m sure that Leon will blame Kate. I’m also pretty sure this will backfire on him.

Captain Lee takes individual statements because he says if everyone is there at once, it will be a clusterf**k. Rocky tries to blame Kate, adding a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with the fire. Captain Lee says he could give two sh*ts about what she thinks of her superior and just wants to get the reports. His deduction is that the filthy oven was the culprit.

Leon is the last to be interviewed. He tries to blame Kate, but Captain Lee says that clean, dry pans don’t start fires. Leon says Kate was drinking, but has to admit he didn’t see her drinking that night, so it basically has nothing to do with anything. The captain says that Leon is more interested in blaming Kate than he is that there was a fire in his galley. Captain Lee says he asked Leon to get with the program weeks ago, but he’s not doing it. Leon says whatever the captain says, he’ll agree with, and the captain says they should agree that this is Leon’s last charter, but he would appreciate him going out In a blaze of glory (no pun intended). The captain says to Eddie that with Leon, everything is someone else’s fault.

Leon tells Rocky that he’s been asked to leave. Rocky says if he goes, she’s going to. Bye, Felicia.

Instead of acting like an adult and finishing out the day, Leon leaves everyone hanging. Congrats on being an even bigger a-hole than Dane was. Rocky whines to Eddie that she has no respect for Kate or the captain. Amy suggests she have respect for herself and act like an adult. Rocky stamps her foot and says Kate should be the one to leave. Eddie tells her both Kate and Leon were at fault with being rude to one another, but at least Kate knows her job. Rocky is like, how dare he after I slept with him. This actually gives me more respect for Eddie, putting the truth above nookie, but Rocky acts like the immature idiot she is, and dives into the water. Captain Lee is pretty disgusted at this point. Me too. It’s more like a kindergarten class than a yacht charter. That girl better find a rich man to marry because she’s never going to be able to hold a job.

The charter guests are coming back, and Amy gets on the intercom and tells everyone to buckle their seatbelts and prepare for a sh*tstorm. Ha-ha! Captain Lee wants to buy the guests lunch for Alan’s birthday. Way to get them away from that storm. Amy is going to accompany the guests, while Captain Lee figures out what the blip to do without a chef. Eddie says who the blip does Rocky think she is and he’s pretty bothered by the whole thing.

Amy makes noises about standing up for what she believes, which is being a lazy moron. She whines on the phone to her mommy. Mommy tells her she needs to finish what she started. Frankly, I think they should kick her ass back into the water and let her swim home.

Rocky approaches the captain to apologize. Captain Lee says he’s not big on apologies because they’re more for the person doing the apology. Thank you. He says she’s walking on thin ice and she says she doesn’t want to leave everyone hanging and that she’s the only one who can get this birthday dinner off the ground. Really? She made raw chicken the other week. I wouldn’t trust her to make microwave popcorn. How old is this chick? Five?

Alan has never had a birthday cake, so Kate calls around looking for a lava cake. And also looking for a fireworks display. Just keep opening those champagne bottles and everything will be okay. Rocky offers to help with the dinner. Eddie says after the last time, he’s going to have to keep an eye on her cooking. Rocky wants to put crumbled cookies on the salad and I’m like, please don’t. I don’t even like fruit in my salad. Unless it’s a fruit salad. This even looks stupid. I hope all future employers are watching this, so they don’t take any chances i\on hiring her for anything.

She also puts grenadine on the oysters, and Amy hopes the guests are too drunk to notice. Alan throws up in the bathroom. So far this dinner is going just great. Eddie takes over in the galley. Aww, poor Rocky is hurt. Who the blip cares? OMG, this girl is such a loser, I can’t stand it. Eddie concurs and says he’s sorry he ever went near her.

Rocky acts like she’s been disrespected because Kate says she should put the steak on the plate with the vegetables and didn’t tell her this at 10 that morning. The cake arrives and it got squashed on one side. Everything is a freaking disaster, but these guys are so good at their jobs, the guests have no clue. They’re loving the meal, and when the cake comes, Alan says it’s the best 50th anyone could ever have.

At least the fireworks go off without a hitch, and it’s finally time for the guests to debark. It’s 10:30 pm and Kate says she hopes to never have another late departure. Alan and the other guests tell the crew that everything was more than fabulous. We’re on to my favorite part – the tip.

Rocky pats herself on the back. Kate says that Rocky is a ticking time bomb that she has to compliment all the time, but even that doesn’t work. Rocky acts ridiculous, sarcastically saying how awesome Kate is. I just can’t even comprehend acting like this at any job and thinking it’s okay. Kate says ain’t nobody got time for Rocky and her many personalities. Seriously, there is something wrong with her.

Amy says she doesn’t know what to say to Rocky, and that she owes them all an apology, but Rocky doesn’t understand why she should apologize. Eddie is embarrassed about hooking up with her now and wants to distance himself. Come on, Eddie. Anyone with half a brain would have told you to stay away from her, no matter how good her ass looks.

Tip time! Captain Lee says this was the worst charter he’s ever been on, but the guests were happy. Eddie says Rocky should have gotten down on her hands and knees and apologized.  $1950 each!

It looks like Chef Ben is going to step in for Idiot Leon and I’m psyched! I really missed him this season. He says he wasn’t available at the beginning of the season, but he’s glad to be back. He also says that often chefs don’t work out and he’s pinch hit before. Kate and Ben didn’t always get along, but their problem is they’re too much alike. Ben is crazier too, but in a good way.

A fresh vibe comes to the boat with Ben’s arrival. Leon was fun to hate, but I was feeling pretty badly for the crew having to deal with him. He’s the kind of guy you like to watch, but you don’t want to bring him home to your mother.

Ricky whines about Leon leaving – he was her best friend, she says. She also whines about Eddie saying he’s glad Ben is back and putting Leon down. Eddie says he’s embarrassed again. Kate and Ben flirt.

Next week, Cynthia from The Real Housewives of Atlanta is the primary guest. And Rocky gets put in her place by Ben.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Kelly bangs (probably the wrong word to use) on the shed door and tells Marcie and Brad to get out now. She tells them she’s completely disgusted by the both of them. Not only that, Brad left his kids alone to go off to his rendezvous.

Marcie comes flouncing back in the house in her negligee while Randal is nursing on his mom. Just about anyway. Sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for him. Not that I think what Marcie is doing is right, but he just got done begging Alex to continue with the affair. Whoa! Mom just slapped Marcie and Marcie cracked her one back. She’s going on and on about Marcie having done it in the shed, which is ironic because that’s where Randal and Alex were doing it. Marcie lets fly with all the information to Mom. Marcie tells Randal she hates him and he needs to leave and take Mom with him. She adds that if he doesn’t go, she’s going to do it with Brad every night until he does.

Natalie is awakened by a phone call from Mr. Kim. Mr. Kim is checking to see if the restaurant was locked up. She finds Joey’s room empty, but tells Mr. Kim Joey is sleeping. When Mr. Kim asks if Joey has seen his daughter, Natalie pretends to ask about it and makes like it’s Joey’s voice in the background saying he hasn’t seen her. This is kind of stupid, but I guess it works.

Alex calls Marcie, whose head must be spinning right now. She tells Alex that she found Brad in the backyard and everything is cool. Just as Alex is talking about him never returning her calls, he sends her a picture of the shed. She insists Marcie tell her what Brad was doing in the backyard and tells her about the picture. Marcie asks her if anything else was in the pic, and if that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is, but Alex just says she has to go.

Another whoa! (And it’s only been on 20 minutes) Natalie catches Faun and Joey going at it in the burger place, and throws a bucket of cold water on them. She tells them to gather up their clothes and for Faun to go call a cab. She has enough presence of mind to ask Joey where the condom wrapper is, but there’s no answer for that, so… She tells him to bleach down the counters.

Lucien comes by Natalie’s to pick up the girls for school. He can tell something is wrong. He brings up the house they planned to buy together and she gets standoffish. She tells him that Randal is clearly the father of Alex’s baby. She tells him she needs his help with Joey. She needs him to tell Joey about the birds and the bees. Lucien starts laughing when she tells him about Faun and Joey, but he says he’ll talk to Joey. Natalie takes the girls and Lucien tells Joey what a condom is.

Eddie visits Brad’s office. Brad wants to talk to Alex’s dad. He’s also Eddie’s uncle. Brad wants him to see his new grandchild; I’m sure because his father-in-law is a total racist. Eddie asks if Brad understand the amount of hell he’ll be bringing on, and Brad says he does. Eddie lights up a joint in Brad’s office and Brad takes a hit. What kind of a loosey-goosey town do they live in?

Travis brings Kelly’s son home from a ballgame and she tells him to take a hike (Travis, not her son). Travis says he’s tired of being treated like a yo-yo. He asks if there’s someone else. I don’t get this guy. Doesn’t he have someone else? She tells him he has no say-so in her business and pushes him toward the door. Ramsey is at the door and Travis acts like an idiot, asking him who he is. Ramsey says he’s not doing well, and wants to thank Marcie for last night. When Travis acts like a bigger idiot, Ramsey explains that his mother had just died. Ramsey leaves and how many times does Kelly have to tell Travis to get out?

Eddie begs the captain to let him go back to work. The captain says he can’t let him come back until the doctor okays it and that it’s department policy. Ben is back on desk duty. He wants to go for a beer with Pete after work, but Pete doesn’t want to go if Eddie is there. Ben says Eddie is cool, but Pete says he still doesn’t want to be around Eddie. He agrees to have a beer with Ben. With weird, ominous music playing in the background, I think something more is up.

Mom tries to give Marcie a hangover smoothie. She tells Marcie about how her husband had an affair with one of her closest friends. She says she sat in extreme pain, but still didn’t retaliate, and that doing the right thing takes strength and courage, and that Marcie has that in her. She adds that what Marcie does next will determine the rest of her life. She tells Marcie that gritting your teeth and sucking it up while surrounded with grief is called being a woman. You got that right, sister.

Marcie sees Brad fiddling with the grill while he’s wearing a white shirt and tie. (???) He says he was going to burn some photos, but now he has a better idea. When Marcie asks what it is, he tells her to ask Alex.

The People’s Couch

They’re watching that variety show hosted by Neil Patrick Harris, and the B52s are singing Love Shack. I sometimes sing at karaoke (quit laughing) and the woman who owns the business went to high school with Fred Schneider. He comes to her annual Christmas party and occasionally comes to karaoke. I don’t think it counts when you’re singing your own songs though. Anyway, he’s a really nice guy.

It was kind of funny the first time I met him at one of her parties. I recognized him, but couldn’t remember from where. I was glad I didn’t ask him if he went to karaoke. It would have been like that scene in Animal House when Flounder asks the guy in the bar, “So, where do you go to school?”

Quote of the week – it was a toss up:

I would like a guy in a sparkly dress with a champagne glass to show up and tell me what to do. Scott, in reference to a scene in Jane the Virgin.

I do love history and I do love getting drunk. Julie, in reference to Drunk History.

October 26, 2015 — GH, the OC Reunites & Ladies Go To Denmark


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)


General Hospital

Diane! I’ve missed her! It should be interesting too, since she’s going to be Spinelli’s attorney. I can’t believe they have him handcuffed to a chair in the police station though. Not too much overkill. Are they afraid he might break out an iPhone or something?

Sabrrrina and Michael tell Sonny that they’re having a baby. Sonny says fatherhood changed his life. Apparently, not enough to get him to change careers. They discuss whether they want to know the gender of the baby before it’s born, and I have this vision of a sonogram picture and the baby has Carrrlos’s face. Sabrrrina and Carly leave the room, and Sonny tells Michael he has to make an honest woman of Sabrrrina. I guess she doesn’t get a say in that.

Dante says he wants to leave the police force if he and Lulu are going to have another child. Their doctor says not all embryos are viable after thawing, so they should slow their enthusiasm roll.

Jordan is telling Diane about how Spinelli could be facing federal charges. She says he can meet with Diane after he’s processed. Diana asks Sam what Spinelli was looking for when they’re alone.

“Jake” is arguing with young Jake about what his father position is. Jake keeps insisting that “Jake” is his real father. When “Jake” goes to the kitchen, Elizabeth tells young Jake that when they get married, “Jake” will be his step-dad, but he says that’s not what she told Laura. Take that, Elizabeth. With the worst timing ever, “Jake” returns with a plate of cookies and some milk. Is milk still considered good for kids? I thought there was some argument about that. Cow’s milk anyway.

Sam tells Diane that she knows what it is not to have family to lean on, and that’s why she wants to help “Jake.” Diane notices her engagement ring and asks if Sam thinks it’s a good idea. Hmm… Is Patrick still legally married to Robin? Nope, that’s not what Diane is thinking anyway. She says she had a front row seat for Sam’s relationship with Jason, and that she thinks Sam loves the excitement and Patrick is about the most boring guy on earth.

Elizabeth tells “Jake” that young Jake’s perception has been skewed, and that he needs to see a therapist. Jake calls Sam and she says she’ll meet him at the docks.

The doctor tells Dante and Lulu that with only one embryo, they only have a 16% chance of success, and if that part is successful, they’ll have a one in five chance of getting a baby out of it.

Carly tells Sabrrrina she should take her time with things. Not if Sonny has anything to say about it. He’s probably making up wedding favors in his hospital bed. Sonny tells Carly that he told Michael he should marry Sabrrrina, and she says, “No. Hell no,” which is my usual reaction whenever I see Michael. Carly insists that Michael doesn’t love Sabrrrina and I have no idea where this is coming from. She claims she can tell that neither one of them love each other. She says they were only consoling each other and it’s no basis for a marriage. Thank goodness they both have Carly to tell them how they really feel.

Dante Is having second thoughts about Lulu getting pregnant. He’s afraid it will be a long, hard road for her and it might not result in a baby and she’ll feel like she failed. Maybe he should get together with Carly, and they can tell everyone how they’re supposed to be feeling.

Diane meets with The Jackal. Diane tells Jordan that she should be getting a call from Judge Cole soon. As soon as Jordan leaves, Diane lambasts Spinelli. Not for what he did, but for getting caught. I love her and wish she could be my lawyer if I ever need one.

Elizabeth tells young Jake that “it’s complicated.” That’s mom code for I’m not telling you anything.

“Jake” apologizes to Sam for his outburst after finding out about the deleted file. Jake tells Sam that Elizabeth had told him to make like Elsa and let it go, but he doesn’t want to do that because of what young Jake said. It’s not because he believes what Jake said, but that Jake is invested in him now and he doesn’t want something from his past to come along later to screw that up. He seems like a smart guy, so why can’t he put 2 and 2 together? He seems very aware that he knew what he was doing when he killed some guys, and he wants to make sure Elizabeth and her boys are safe around him. Sam tells him they “hit a little snag,” and lets him know about Spinelli’s arrest. She still believes that when Spinelli gets sprung, he can finish the quest.

Lulu wants to try the in vitro anyway, and says that if it doesn’t work out, she’ll be happy the way things are. She wants the chance of them to create a life together. Man, if Valerie turns out pregnant, there is going to be one load of grief.

Carly tells Sonny that Michael should have passion in his relationship. I guess she’s been in the bedroom with them too. She says Sabrrrina is fine for Michael to date, but not marry. Huh?

Sabrrrina (who IRL must be at least 5 months along, considering what she’s wearing) is impressed with how well Michael took the news. We’ll see how he feels when the baby comes out speaking Spanish. He says that he wants the three of them (meaning him, Sabrrrina and the baby) to be a family, and asks her to marry him. She says he’s great and all, but that would be a no.

Lulu tells Dante that no one ever got what they wanted by being afraid to try. They agree to start the procedure the day after Halloween.

Jordan tells Spinelli that he’s free to go, but there had better not be a next time. She says if she catches him messing around with the hospital records again, that even his well-connected attorney won’t be able to help him. Diana tells him his skills aren’t what they once were, and he should stay away from hacking.

Elizabeth says blah-blah-blah to young Jake and that “Jake’s” past doesn’t matter.

“Jake” thinks differently though, and wants to make sure he hasn’t committed any crimes he doesn’t know about. Sam is up for the challenge, but she believes that if he wasn’t a good guy to begin with, he wouldn’t be as concerned as he is. She says that by the time he marries Elizabeth, he’ll know who he is.

Does that mean we’ll know by November 6?

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part 2

We revisit some weird stuff like Heather’s foray into leech territory and Shannon’s colonic mishap. Then we discuss Heather’s massive house. Heather also says she has frozen embryos, but I’m not sure where they’re being stored. That house is so big, they could have a lab in the basement for all I know. Heather says she’s 87 now (ha-ha, Heather – you would be saying that if you didn’t look so good at 46), so she won’t be using them and Andy offers to buy them. Hey, Lulu and Dante could use a spare egg.

Ugh! It’s Meghan’s husband Jim, joining them on the couch. It is funny though, that people are starting to recognize him as Meghan’s husband instead of a famous ballplayer. We go back to some of the nastier moments when Meghan behaved like twit and Jim behaved like a tool. Andy points out that he often treats Meghan like a child, and they both say she doesn’t let him get away with that. Okay. I believe it if you believe it. He says he wasn’t ready for the bright lights of reality TV, and that’s why he acts so condescending. He makes more excuses and my hearing turns off. Heather says “Jimmy is the coolest guy ever.” I doubt it.

Vicki says that she misunderstood what Brooks had told her when she said Jim had told Brooks that two months out of four had been “challenging,” when he’d actually said it was a couple of situations. Two is two to Vicki. Meghan climbs onto her high horse and declares Vicki a liar. This leads to a flashback of an offhand comment Vicki made at Tamra’s “sex party.” Tamra was dressed entirely in black lace, gyrating around  with a…device strapped onto her, when Vicki told Heather that Tamra’s kids weren’t going to like it and she’s already had one taken away. Yep, that was kind of mean, except I do think she might have a point without even knowing it. Tamra seems like a good mother, but the daughter is not happy about her airing information about them on TV. We move to Vicki saying that Jim and Meghan’s marriage wouldn’t last 5 years. I still think so.

Meghan signed a pre-nup and claims it was her idea. It was out of the goodness of her heart, so that the children would never feel that something can be taken away from them, and it would ease Jim’s mind about her intentions. I don’t know if I believe that, but he says her family was all on board with it too. He probably paid them off.

On to David’s affair. God bless these two for being able to move past it, and being able to move past it on television. I didn’t like David very much at first, but now I understand what was going on, and why he was so irritated and distant. When they were on Watch What Happens Live, he was criticized by some viewers for being “emotionless” and “wooden.” Hello? He’s not an actor. I’d like to see them have cameras up their ass 24/7 and act even halfway normal. When Andy asks Shannon if she has any insight into why he had the affair, she starts saying that he was unavailable because of work and she was being a nag thinking she could get what she wanted that way. All of the ladies start freaking, telling her not to make excuses for him. Heather says you fix it or leave, you don’t cheat, and on this I agree.

We get one of those short bits in between commercials where Andy questions Vicki’s perception of what a mammal is, since she thought a shark was one. That’s not too far-fetched though, since they don’t lay eggs, but give birth. That isn’t always the criteria though. Our mammalogy lesson for today.

Shannon says she’s not making excuses for David, that she blames him plenty. Heather tells us about how she was at a lunch and the topic came up. She tried to squash it, but she caught one of the other women texting the mistress. Andy reads a viewer text that asks if Shannon thinks it was a good idea for the kids to see what happened on TV. She said the kids had already known. Not that she told them, but they’d seen something on his phone, and if they hadn’t, she wouldn’t have put it out there. She says though, that since it did happen, it’s good for the kids to see that it’s possible to put things back together. And they seem well-adjusted to me. Andy makes a joke like he’s going to bring the mistress out. Ha-ha-ha, Andy! I’ve said it before, he has replaced Jeff Probst as the reality TV antichrist.

Another ugh! Briana joins the group. Not only do I not like her, she always looks like a slob. Is she wearing black eye shadow? Does she think this is The Rocky Horror Picture Show? And why can’t she ever comb her hair? As we already know, Vicki and Brooks aren’t together anymore. Brooks technically broke up with her, but she says the main reason was the conflict with Briana. Briana says he would do terrible things when Vicki was on the other side of the room. For example, he hit on her while she was pregnant. The only thing I can think is he must have been drunk as a skunk. I do actually have some experience in that vein. When I got married my (now ex) brother-in-law hit on every girl at the reception, including the bride.

Meghan says Brooks’s lawyer had contacted her, telling her to leave him alone. At this point, I don’t care if Brooks is an ax murderer, I still like him more than Meghan. We get a clip of Andy’s interview with Brooks, who says Briana seems to be the only relative that has a problem with him. He says that Briana was leaning on Vicki for financial help and Briana goes apesh*t. She says she makes 6 figures and doesn’t need help. Please tell me why Vicki did things like buy her a car this season if she makes so much money? She then gives a laundry list of all the bad stuff Brooks has done and says the whole family hates him.

Part 3 looks like a doozie! I do feel sorry for Vicki though. Nobody’s ever given her a moment to breathe and I can identify with that.

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Part 3 of The Real Housewives of the OC’s reunion is going to be on Sunday night – not Monday. Thanks Bravo! I live for this stuff and now you have to create conflict.

Ladies of London

More great pop music! Geez, maybe Caroline #1 should sell off a few of her purses and get some money to keep the business going. I think she has about 5000 of them. And I’m pretty sure they’re more expensive than mine.

London Fashion Week is starting with a “Fashion for Relief” show that benefits Ebola. That makes it sound like it’s promoting Ebola, but you know what I mean. It seems to be a problem over there. It’s not the first time it’s been mentioned. Annabelle is on the runway. We flash back to her riding accident, and I have to give her props. She had a broken pelvis, among other injuries, and you would never know it. She’s working the runway like a boss and wearing an amazing black gown.

It looks like Caroline #1’s business is tanking. She says her several million pounds investment ran out 6 months before she thought it would. Seven years down the drain. She says there’s no shame in failure (didn’t someone say it’s a lesson in what not to do?), but she’s incredibly sad.

Naomi Campbell is visiting with Annabelle. They’ve known each other for a while. The funny part is how Annabelle says Naomi is such a great friend because she doesn’t create drama. I choke on my Cup O’Noodles.

Marissa (bleh) is meeting The Baroness (Caroline #2)for tea. The Baroness says she hasn’t slept in days and looks like it. Even though she says she never wanted to talk about it again, The Baroness brings up the crappy thing that Marissa did by talking smack about The Baroness’s boyfriend to her sister. She wants a promise from Marissa that it won’t happen again. Marissa says that she can only apologize so many times, but in her individual interview, The Baroness says she doesn’t feel it’s been sincere. I can totally understand this. I don’t think Marissa grasps that what she did was actually a big deal.

Julie is doing a body-painted shot, an ad campaign for her JUGS. No not those kind. It’s Julia’s Unbelievable Balls. No not those kind. They’re similar to energy bars. She does a shot where the back of her is painted and she’s up against a painting where she’s the middle panel. Her body is freakin’ fabulous, although she’s nervous about the whole thing.

Joan Collins Sophie, The Baroness and Caroline #1 are having lunch. Caroline #1 wonders what she’s going to do on Monday now. The Baroness says she’ll rise like a phoenix and invites everyone to her family home in Denmark for a holiday. Ivana Trump Sophie says there will probably be drama because the American girls are not as tough as the British ones. Like these British girls don’t stir the pot.

One look at Caroline #1’s closet makes me wonder if she really had to close the business. Her closet is about as big as my house and it’s not empty. I seriously doubt it’s filled with items from K-Mart either. The girls are all getting ready for the Denmark trip. Everyone is wearing either black or navy blue. Annabelle is late, but manages to make it in time. And she’s wearing a while coat. Congrats on bucking the system!

They’re flying economy class and I have no clue why. Maybe it’s a novelty for them. I can assure you that if I could afford first class, there would be no going back. In Denmark, The Baroness is very famous, so there’s a photographer at the airport. She says once the news gets out, they probably won’t be left alone. Mo’ money, mo’ paparazzi.

Back in the old days, The Baroness’s family did the king of Denmark a favor, and since he didn’t have enough gold for a reward, he gave them several castles. Nice. For some reason, Annabelle thinks it’s “rude and childish” of Julie to want to go to a coffee shop while the others shop at a furrier. I don’t get it. I also don’t get why she even cares, since she had nothing to do with the trip. Julie is a vegan, so it should be no surprise that she doesn’t want to buy a fur. Alexis Carrington Sophie says the coat she’s picked is 69,000 Euros, but I have no idea how much that really is. Judging by Juliet’s reaction, I assume it’s a lot.

Annabelle tells Julie that she’s annoyed with chatter behind the scenes. I’m not sure what’s up with her, but she seems kind of unreasonable right now. The Baroness wants them to get everything out in the open at dinner. Good luck with that not turning into a screaming match. They all go to some fancy restaurant called Geist. It’s really beautiful and reminds me of some restaurants in Manhattan. The Baroness tells an amusing story about how the restaurant went out of their way for her, getting a dish they didn’t have from somewhere else, and Marissa acts incredibly rude in her individual interview by making snoring noises. This is the second time she’s done this in regard to The Baroness.

Uh-oh. The Baroness makes an announcement that if anyone has anything to say, say it now. Juliet says that she’s very happy because she’s learned her lesson about creating drama. Oh good. Annabelle is going to say a couple of things. Maybe now we’ll find out who put that stick up her ass. She says Juliet should listen more instead of going directly to drama. Nice after what Juiet just said. She tells Caroline #1 to basically quit being so rude. Julie gets bestowed with the information that she should hold some things in rather than letting them fly. Caroline #1 counters with that sometimes Annabelle seems absent, and that she comes in with “a face,” rather than letting everyone know what’s up. That’s it? What about the others?

Next week, we go to the castle, there’s another dinner where everyone gets a lecture, and Annabelle gets an ominous phone call.

October 25, 2015 — A Freed Wizard, a Zombie Herd & Checking In


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

Once Upon A Time

Old Camelot. Some knight dude has the dagger and comes across the hooded figure from the Scream movies. Okay, not quite, but that could probably happen in this show. He says something about “the destroyer” and “the only woman he ever loved,” and the hooded figure turns him into a tree. Ok, he must be Merlin.

Because Snow and David got fairy dusted or whatever last week, they tell Regina that Arthur is cool and she should give him the dagger. Emma freeze frames them and tells Regina that Arthur is bad news, and the dagger needs to go back from whence it came, and free Merlin.

In Storybrook, Guinevere wants to have a ball to lift the stuck Camelot people’s spirits. Not a good time kind of ball, but a dance kind of ball. Not that you can’t have a ball at a ball. Ha-ha! Henry also wants to ask out Violet, who has already learned texting.

Mr. Gold tells Dark Emma that he always convinced himself that he was using magic for a higher purpose, but it always leads to losing the ones you love. She tells Merida, whose heart she has stolen (literally), to take Gold out to the woods and teach him how to be a man. No, not that way. She wants him to be able to remove Excalibur. Then she starts weeping over a dreamcatcher in some room that looks like it’s decorated by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre guys. Except prettier.

Regina tells Storybrook Emma that a spell can be like venom – sometimes you need some of the poison to make the antidote. She thinks they can counteract the spell that put Merlin in the tree with another spell.

Henry and Violet are in the stables. While Violet leaves for a minute, Henry goofs around with some swords, manages to almost hurt himself and break one of the stall walls. Violet’s father, Sir Morgan, comes in and tells him he’s not good enough for his daughter.

Merida tries to teach Gold some swordsmanship, but he fails miserably. He tells her she has the wrong person for the task. She knocks him down and says she’ll have to do it herself then. She doesn’t really say that, but she might as well, considering what she has to work with.

In Storybrook, Dark Emma and Henry talk about old times. I’m not sure how many Emmas there are now. So far I’ve counted 2 dark and 1 light. Violet has lost her horse, and Henry has said he’d help find it. The horse is notorious for liking pumpkins, so they drive to Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater’s patch. Yep, he’s there.

In Camelot, Henry wants to learn how to use a sword to impress Violet and her father, but Emma tells him he’s a mysterious stranger from an exotic land, and that should be good enough.

We flash back to young Regina and her mother, Barbara Hershey. As a girl, Regina was going to run off with her first love, but her mother killed him. While remembering, when Regina starts to cry, Emma captures a teardrop to use for their anti-spell. She wonders how a mother could do such a thing to her child, and Regina says her mother thought she was doing what was best.

Henry concocts a pre-dance rendezvous for him and Violet at the diner. He pours her a soda and she thinks it’s magic, “like a carnival in a can.” Boy, is she easy to impress. Ugh! She says she just wants to be friends. I see some things always stay the same no matter what dimension you’re in. He thinks it has something to do with her father, but I think not because she looks surprised when he says that. At least she doesn’t say, it’s not you, it’s me. That’s right. Sometimes it is you.

Merida breaks into Gold’s shop and starts checking out the goods.

Hook, Belle, Regina and Robin Hood check out Excalibur. A dreamcatcher comes in the mail and Regina says they can be pretty powerful when imbued with magic.

Regina and Emma try concocting a spell using the tear, but other than a cloud of smoke, nothing happens. Emma says it’s because Regina has moved on from those days, and although she’s still heartbroken, there have been things that have eclipsed it now. In a moment of convenience, Henry comes by, and sheds a tear about Violet. Regina captures it.

Arthur arrives with a posse. He’s really pissed and wants the dagger now, but instead Emma gets that tear into the spell pronto. A load of gigantic black and white Silly String flies everywhere. Whatever she did worked, because Merlin appears. Like Hook before him, Merlin ain’t your momma’s Merlin. He’s far from an old guy with a beard in a pointy hat. Not even close.

Merlin tells Arthur he’s a disappointment and Arthur whines that Merlin ruined his life. Arthur says it’s not finished, but takes his marbles and goes home.

Instead of a ball, they’ve decided to have a carnival. Arthur says that put back together, the sword can do just about anything, but in the wrong hands, it could destroy everything. What else is new? Henry brings the horse back to Sir Morgan and Violet. Morgan changes his tune and says Henry will make a fine knight one day.

Merida says her father told her that if you want a lad to fight, you have to give him something to fight for. Apparently, she’s stolen his favorite tea cup and wants him to fight her for it. He makes a good start, but she says they have a long way to go before he can defeat Dark Emma.

Regina and Robin look into the dreamcatcher and see Violet’s memories. They see Emma take Violet’s heart, promising to bring it back once she’s broken Henry’s heart and Emma can get a tear for the spell. Unfortunately, Henry walks in while they’re eavesdropping or eaveslooking or whatever.

David says he expected Merlin to be older, and Merlin says being a tree can be good for your skin. Who knew? Merlin asks Emma if her heart is truly ready to be free from darkness.

Regina asks Dark Emma why she’s taken their memories and Mr. Gold. She tells Dark Emma that Henry saw what she did. Emma says she did it to protect Henry, and Regina says that’s what Barbra Hershey told her too, and that she’s only trying to justify being evil. Dark Emma goes off into the night.

Next week: A giant bear! A really giant bear.

The Walking Dead

Another damn alarm is going off, and half the zombies from the herd are headed for Alexandria. Rick tells Daryl to keep doing what he’s doing with his half, while the rest of them try to get the zombies moving in the right direction. One guy starts whining to Michonne that Rick is a screw up who wants them to die, and she tells him to shut up and keep moving. Oops, too late. Dude got eaten by a zombie. Michonne is more than happy to give him a sword to the head.

Rick tells Michonne and Glenn to keep going with the others, while he goes off to do…something. The group moves forward, killing zombies along the way. A couple of these guys aren’t too swift. One takes off running, which will no doubt cause a problem later. How that idiot, Nicholas, who got Noah killed last season, is still standing is beyond me.

Daryl wants to leave his zombie leading position, but Sasha and Abe tell him he’ll be putting them in bad way if he does.

Commercial break. It’s Obrecht from GH playing stewardess in Fear 462 again!

Michonne keeps a wounded dude occupied by asking about how he met his wife. He says finding her in all this has made it worth it, but I’m not so sure about that. Let’s see, zombie apocalypse or staying single for a while… They look for a car near where Noah was killed. A million cars on the street, but they can’t find one that works. Nicholas say’s “That’s Sturgis’s hat,” the guy who ran off. Oops! There’s hatless Sturgis, who is now zombie lunch Sturgis. The group enters a pet store. My first thought is, say no to puppy mills, but I guess we don’t have to worry about that now.

Glenn thinks he can distract the zombies long enough for the others to get away and set fire to a feed store. Michonne doesn’t want to leave him, but he’s insistent. For some ungodly reason, he tells Nicholas to come with him, and to lead the way. I wouldn’t trust this guy to be a movie usher and lead people to their seats, much less lead anything here.

Rick is running down an empty road and kills a couple of zombies in his way, taking a few supplies off the bodies.

Michonne wraps the wounded’s injuries. Like this is going to matter. One guy says that they should be left behind, but both Michonne and Heath are against that. Michonne asks Heath what his problem is with her. He heard Rick tell her that if anyone can’t make it, to leave them behind. She says sometimes there’s no choice and that Heath doesn’t understand that because he’s never been in that position. She asks him if he’s ever been covered in so much blood, that he doesn’t know if it’s his, the walkers’ or his friends’? That would be a no, so he finally shuts up.

Nicholas and Glenn see some have squished zombie that was a friend of Nicholas’s. Glenn has Nicholas put him out of his misery. (I mean the zombie, not Glenn.) They hear shots coming from somewhere and it’s drawing the zombies near the pet shop. Michonne says as soon as it’s clear, they’re to head to the feed store.

Rick’s running like he’s in Marathon Man, and gets in an RV. It has balloons tied on to it, so either it’s part of the plan or it’s someone’s birthday.

Back at the pet shop, a few zombies are starting to trickle in, so the group’s cover is blown. It doesn’t look too good for going outside. They go anyway, and all hell is breaking loose. The girl with them becomes a casualty. I don’t know about you, but I’ll bet I could run pretty damn fast if there was a crowd of zombies chasing me. Glenn and Nicholas get blocked by the zombie horde, while the others are trying to climb a fence. Glenn and Nicholas get trapped by zombies on both sides. Michonne and Heath make it over the fence, but wounded guy doesn’t. Does it really matter? Michonne, Heath & last other guy stand watching as wounded dude gets eaten. Hello? Either shoot him or move on. Nicholas and Glen are now trapped on top of a dumpster, surrounded by zombies. Nicholas is totally freaked and Glenn tries to get him to snap out of it. Where is Cher when you need her? Instead of doing the right thing, Nicholas shoots himself, and Glenn ends up falling into the zombies. No good deed goes unpunished.


Commercial break. The host of The Talking Dead, Chris Hardwick, doesn’t know what to say and neither do I. At least Nicholas was no great loss.

Michonne, Heath and Last Dude are traveling through the woods, and see smoke in the distance. They find a creek and travel walking in it. Heath catches a glimpse of his blood-covered reflection. Some initiation.

Rick is in place in the RV, and gets on the walkie-talkie. Sasha answers him from the car, but it looks like Daryl is going off to find himself on his motorcycle. Where the gunfire is coming from, we still don’t know. A couple of armed guys bust into the RV, which wakes Daryl up from his trance and causes him to turn around. Who these guys are and what they want, we don’t know, but Rick finds a jar of baby food in one of their pockets.  Rick sees someone outside the RV and starts shooting wildly.

Great. Now the RV won’t start and zombies are coming from everywhere.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In

The Gorgas go with Joe Giudice to his late father’s home in the Catskills.  We get the lowdown that when Joe Guidice wet his pants as a kid, his mother hit him in the head with a shoe. This might explain a lot.

Teresa calls. We get way to much information about how certain “toys” are made in prison and I can’t get Teresa off the phone fast enough.

The house has an awesome outside brick oven, and they make pizzas. Rosie and Teresa’s girls have arrived to join them. In her individual interview, Melissa says she hopes they can put the past behind them and be a family again. Teresa’s brother has finally gotten the visitation okay. Joe Giudice says it’s a real hassle. He started with only being able to visit once a month, and is now up to twice. I’m almost surprised that they let him visit, since he’ll be doing time next, but I guess they make exceptions for family.

Melissa says it feels weird without Teresa, and husband Joe says he can’t wait to see her. They hadn’t exactly been getting along that well, and he’s hoping that “the old Teresa” comes out.

Joe Giudice and the girls go to a little chapel built nearby. The younger ones have difficulty reciting The Lord’s Prayer and it makes me wonder what kind of Sunday school class they attend. Teresa hunts them down even in the chapel. She’s surprised they don’t know basic prayers and says they have to start going to church every week (are these people sure they’re Italian Catholics?). It’s kind of sweet because Teresa says she’s learned in prison that you can just talk directly to God. And as I’m typing this, I’m wondering if she realizes the youngest has been told she’s at work. Maybe they told her Teresa works in the prison doing research for her next book.

Back home, Gia snaps at Joe and they have a discussion. I have to say, Joe seems like a pretty easy-going dad considering. Joe says it’s an overwhelming situation, that they have to stay strong, and he appreciates how much Gia has stepped up. They talk about things without really talking about them and I think that’s how the family has basically functioned, even before Teresa went to prison.

The next-to-youngest is shaving Joe’s back, which I assume is normally Teresa’s job. He tells her that her working for him makes her a tax deduction. That Joe! What a card! I’d be really careful with those deductions from now on if I was him.

Joe meets Teresa’s lawyer at the restaurant where she flipped the table way back in season one. The lawyer tells him they’re “chipping away” at the restitution. Meaning that the Giudice’s paychecks are garnisheed to pay back the money they stole. When Teresa gets home, she’ll be on something called “home confinement.” It’s not the same as house arrest, but there are rules as to where she can go. The lawyer asks Joe if he’s learned anything from this experience. What is this? Will there be multiple choice questions next? Yeah, he learned not to commit fraud. My guess is that whoever steered him in that direction gave him some song and dance that “everybody does it.” He claims he didn’t really know what he was doing was wrong, and I’m not so sure I totally believe that, but I do think he believed it was no harm, no foul. And I don’t think Teresa knew what was going on at all. I think he said, “Here, sign this,” and she did. I don’t think they’re bad people, just excessively ignorant.

Joe Gorga seems totally freaked about visiting Teresa. He says his body is numb and he doesn’t know how to think or feel. It’s highly unlikely I’ll ever be visiting my sister in prison, so I’ll take his word for it. Melissa says she feels badly that she can’t get on the visitation list yet. I don’t suppose we’ll be able to go along either.

You can’t wear shorts and you can’t bring in phones. Gia tells about how somebody snuck one in the prison to take a picture of Teresa and got in a heap of trouble. Teresa’s mom says “you can’t trust nobody.” Gia says the visit is probably going to be difficult for her Uncle Joe. He says they were brought up not to cry, but he spent the first hour of the visit crying. He’s tearing up now, and I feel for him. The reality has hit him pretty hard.

Everyone is pretty bummed out in the car on the way home. Joe Gorga says that if they feel that way, imagine how she must feel.

After one last check in, we see the family photo taken at the prison. Teresa is expected to be released on December 23, and Joe will begin his sentence in March of 2016.

October 23, 2015 — A Hospital, Zombies & Something Sinister


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital – Thursday

Spinelli tells “Jake” and Sam that he’s in the process of vanquishing a firewall, but it’s like tissue paper to the Assassin of the Internet.

Julian demands Olivia hand over Leo, and says, “Give me! Give Me!” like a 2-year-old. This dude is getting on my nerves.

Carly and Sonny argue over him leaving the hospital. Morgan goes catatonic, so Sonny, who is also a big baby, tries to walk by himself and falls. Oh, please, how old is this guy? He yells for everyone to leave him alone and refuses to get back in the wheelchair. Patrick comes to babysit.

Spinelli comes up against a blank screen. The file has been deleted, but that won’t stop The Jackal from getting it back.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth not to worry about the DNA test, since he deleted the file right after he looked at it. She’s still concerned the lab has it on file. Nicholas tells her to figure out a way to stop “Jake” from searching for who he is, and adds good luck with that. Thanks for the help, Nicholas! All of these scenes, with the exception of Spinelli, are taking place in the hospital. I know the name of the show is General Hospital, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to congregate there.

Commercial break. Wicked City looks wicked good! But what am I supposed to do? Watch TV 24/7? Dammit! Why do things cost money, so we need jobs? It’s just not fair.

“Jake” babbles to Spinelli about “the cloud,” which he obviously knows nothing about. Spinelli says it could take months to retrieve the file. “Jake”starts whining about how can the greatest hacker who ever lived not be able to snap his fingers and get the deleted file? Well, “Jake,” we know one thing. You weren’t in the computer business. “Jake” takes his marbles and leaves.

The cops show up at the hospital and tell Julian to back off. Alexis shows up and tells him that he needs to do this the right way, through the court. I swear, almost every adult in this show needs a binkie and a diaper today.

Patrick interrupts Nicholas hassling Elizabeth. Oddly enough, Patrick is looking like the only mature one right now. “Jake” shows up and Elizabeth says she wants to talk to him at home. I don’t suppose it’s to tell him the truth. God forbid.

Alexis tells Julian he can’t win Leo by playing tug-o-war. She tells him the court is going to look at the best interest of the child, and he needs to start playing nice. He tries to talk calmly to Olivia. Olivia says she wants to shield Leo from mob doings the same way she kept Dante from Sonny. She’s sorry she caused him pain, but she felt it was the right thing to do. She says she doesn’t really know Julian, and isn’t sure he can put Leo’s needs before his own. Julian says she hasn’t given him a chance, and I have to admit he has a point there.

Laura is having lunch with Lulu, and they’re talking babies. Lulu says that she and Dante are ready for another child, which flips Laura’s grandma switch. Nicholas drops by. He says Spencer has narrowed his Halloween costume down to five, and I can’t wait to see what the end result will be. Laura has a worried face that a total stranger would notice.

Spinelli asks Sam if they should really abandon the project, but Sam says “Jake” is just frustrated. She says they should let him take a step back and continue on themselves. The Jackal tells her it could take forever to get the deleted file, and she says they should try it from another angle. Spinelli suggests they try and get “Jake’s” medical records. Um…yeah. Wouldn’t they have his DNA on file?

Carly tells Sonny he can either fold up like a cheap suit or fight. He makes more infant noises. He’s all like, sniff…I’m no good to anyone anymore. I start knitting a baby blanket for him. Honestly, what is up with this today? Oh Lord, help me. Sonny is going on and on about what kind of husband he can (or can’t) be in a wheelchair. I don’t know. How about waiting five minutes and finding out? Maybe he can become a hairdresser and fix those grey-hair highlights of Carly’s.

Elizabeth asks “Jake” why he broke into Nicholas’s house because she’s an idiot. He says if there was an inconclusive result to the DNA test, why would the file have been deleted? Elizabeth says Nicholas was just covering his illegal activity tracks. Elizabeth tells Jake that she wants him to stop torturing himself, when what she really means is she wants him to stop torturing her. She says it’s been a year and no one is looking for him. Ouch! She asks him to stop searching and he says he’s come up against a dead end anyway, although he didn’t exactly say he’d stop.

Patrick comes home to find Spinelli and Sam on the laptop in the living room. She fills him in on what they’re doing, and he says a bunch of rhetoric about patient/doctor confidentiality. He says he’s taking a shower, basically so he doesn’t know what’s going on.

After having some time out, Sonny is feeling better, and apologizes to Morgan and Michael. He says he’ll act like a grown-up now, and follow the doctor’s orders. He says “Max” will handle things with the business while he’s out of commission. I take it Max must be Fat Dude. He tells his sons they’d better stay out of it.

Julian says blah-blah-blah to Olivia about how he’s turned over a new leaf. He promises Leo will never be in danger because of him, and wants to work out a custody arrangement without going to court. Mushy stuff with Julian, Olivia and the baby.

Spinelli is looking at X-rays of Jake’s face and suggests they might be able to find out what he looked like before the car accident that brought him to the hospital. Good idea!

Sonny says he has a hard time asking for help because it seems like weakness. He says he needs his family to believe in him, and then asks everyone to clap if they believe in mob bosses.

General Hospital – Friday

Spinelli gives Sonny a bocce ball set as a wedding gift. He says you can play standing up or sitting down, and that bends Sonny out of shape. He says it’s just a temporary condition.

Epiphany! I love her and always wish she’d have a real story line. It almost happened once.

Sam is staring at “Jake’s” X-rays, while Patrick drinks coffee. He asks what she hopes to find and I wonder if he really graduated medical school. Actually, you’d think Sam would be on top of this by now. Even I’ve seen those programs where they can “age” someone, so it makes sense they’d have something where you could “build” a face onto a skeletal structure.

Commercial break. 20/20 looks like a good one tonight – somebody thinks their kids have demons – but  Z Nation.

Danny interrupts “Jake” and Elizabeth basking in the afterglow. He tells them grandma (i.e. Laura) has arrived. She’s babysitting while “Jake” and Elizabeth go out to…do something.

Spinelli apologizes 10 times to Carly, and she says no worries, but they have no way of knowing whether Sonny will walk again and he’s being a huge baby about it. Spinelli explains what he’s trying to do for “Jake” and Sam. Carly says if anyone can crack the case, it’s The Jackal.

Sabrrrina visits Paul’s office. She wants to send Carrrlos’s body back to Puerto Rico, as she promised his parents, but she keeps coming up against roadblocks. Anna, at the hospital morgue, wants to see Carrrlos’s body “for closure.” What the blip that means I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter, since his body is gone. A tech comes in and says the body has been cremated. Paul tells Sabrrrina the same thing, and she freaks because she doesn’t know what she’s going to tell his parents. He claims they tried their best to contact someone, but obviously didn’t call her or Carrrlos’s parents, so nice try.

Patrick says he’s a modern man who cleans the house and cooks. I wish he lived here, even if he does wear too much lip gloss. Even better, he gives Sam a huge engagement rock. Then he goes to work. Way to celebrate.

Michael tells Sonny that he was questioned about Carrrlos, and that the police think Sonny had something to do with his death. Sonny tells Michael to stay the blip away from the business.

Sabrrrina gets the box with Carrrlos’s remains. She sees Anna who says she’s sorry, but Sabrrrina isn’t buying it. Sabrrina says that Carrrlos deserved prison for what he’d done, but he didn’t deserve to die. When she leaves, Anna takes a handful of anxiety meds. Jordan busts into Paul’s office and wants to know why he broke protocol in an ongoing investigation. She says he could have possibly destroyed evidence. Anna wants a copy of something, but I didn’t hear what since they’re repaving the street out front and it got loud all of a sudden.

Someone is hiding in Sam’s house and approaches young Jake, but we only see a shaky cam. Jake makes sounds and Laura comes running downstairs. Surprise! It’s only Cameron (?) in a mask. Halloween hijinks!  Cameron is on the floor with canaries twirling around his head though. Jake goes back upstairs, and Cameron makes excuses for him to Laura, saying he doesn’t know much about Halloween since he was with Helena during his formative years. I refrain from making a comment. Mostly because I don’t know whether to make one about Halloween and Helena, or that you don’t need to know anything about Halloween to get the bejesus scared out of you by someone wearing a mask and knock them out.

Obrecht (yay!) tells Liz some baloney about her performance review, but it’s just a ruse to get her to the surprise shower they’re throwing for her. Epiphany makes a lovely toast, and there are congratulations all around. Patrick arrives at the last minute, and Elizabeth asks him to “stand up for [her]” at the wedding. I don’t know if this means she wants him to walk her down the aisle or be her maid of honor.

Carly sees “Jake” and says he doesn’t seem too excited about being the next to get married. He says he’d rather have a real last name to give Elizabeth, and that he’s hit a dead end. Carly says he should cut his losses and if he’s going ahead and getting married, maybe he should just move on and forget he was once someone else. “Jake” asks Carly to be his “best person.” She runs off to plan his bachelor party.

Paul says he did nothing wrong and it was a “budgetary concern.” Nice. He says they have the autopsy and that should be enough. Anna tries to pump the tech for more info. She wants to see the autopsy report – again for “closure.” Who looks at an autopsy report for closure? The tech says he’ll see what he can do.

Yep, Spinelli is going to put the X-ray pics into a program he designed himself. Please, let this storyline be over soon. My heart can’t take it. Please, Spinelli, stop talking about it and just run the program. In the meantime, Obrecht gets the information that someone hacked into the hospital’s system. I’m kind of surprised they noticed someone hacking into one file. Noticed immediately.

Sabrrrina misses the shower. When she gets there, Felix is cleaning up and she tells him that she told Michael about the baby. Felix knows she’s not telling him something, but Michael shows up before she can say anything else.

The tech gets the autopsy report to Anna. She looks at it and says something isn’t right. It says that Carrrlos was shot twice, when she knows he was shot 4 times. She then wonders if it was really Carrrlos’s body.

Epiphany tells Patrick he’s next in line for a shower. She doesn’t mean he smells bad, she means he’ll be getting married next. I know he wears lip gloss, but isn’t the shower usually thrown for the woman?

Oh crap! Jordan shows up at Sam’s and arrests Spinelli. I am not buying this at all. First of all, I highly doubt Spinelli would have left a trail they could find so quickly. And they did all this in like 3 minutes? It would take longer than that to find a tech.

We end with young Jake telling big “Jake” that he knows big “Jake” is his real father. Elizabeth walks in and looks like she just swallowed a cockroach,

Z Nation

Because I have on life, I’m so excited to watch this show!

A couple of dudes are strolling through the forest, when a truck with a giant smile on it comes up behind them. The pair present themselves as a traveling dentists. Immediately, these guys get in the dental chairs and put masks for laughing gas on. They were carrying guns. How can they be this gullible? Of course once they’re under, they’re shoved into the truck.

Operation Bite Mark is going to take the Mississippi River route. They clear a boat of zombies, and find the boat owner still alive. Roberta asks him to take them south to Memphis. Geez, for a bunch of people who need a favor, they’re being kind of nasty. The boat owner is a bit chatty, but hey, it’s his boat. I see people haven’t lost their sense of entitlement. <heaving huge sigh>

They see two guys, Sketchy and Skeezy, who they know from a previous episode. Skeezy is semi tarred and feathered – he fell in with the wrong crowd – and Sketchy is wearing a bowler hat. They’ve been using Murphy’s name to get by and Murphy isn’t too pleased about that.

Zombie jam!

No, not like with instruments, but like a log jam. There are tons of zombies in the water, and quite a few trying to get on board. The boat overturns. 10K gets to shore and Sketchy says his partner is gone, along with the boat owner, and he doesn’t know what happened to anyone else. They see Skeezy’s upper half and think he’s a zombie, but he really just fell in a hole. The three decide to travel together.

The rest of OBM is down river. Doc wants to look for 10K, but Vasquez wants to get going on to California. Roberta says they’ll give it 24 hours.

Some Deliverance guys pop out of nowhere and tell 10K and the two S’s that they’re either lost or trespassing. Sketchy tells them that Skeezy is “The Murphy,” and he can offer them eternal life. He says a bite from The Murphy is all they need. Four of the guys hold down another one to test the theory.

Like The Emperor’s New Clothes, the guy who gets bitten says he feels great, and they all get in line. Sketchy tells them they have to rest for 24 hours in order for the venom to take affect properly, and the three make their exit.

Doc says he sees a signal from 10K, but no one else does. Vasquez and Doc continue to argue about waiting for 10K and moving on. Roberta says nothing is happening tonight, so everyone settle down. Doc says he’s getting tired of this mission.

10K and the flimflam men drive away. There’s a trailer park down the road a piece where Sketchy and Skeezy have…friends? It sounds like they’ve burned some of the people, but the mayor (or whatever he is) doesn’t seems to buy Sketchy’s song and dance. Sketchy tells him that 10K was dropped on his head as a baby and that he’s a deaf/mute. The mayor gives them a mini tour of the town, and tells them to enjoy some moonshine and some women. I wouldn’t relax if I were them.

Doc sees a canoe and tells the others to do what they need to do, but he’s going to look for 10K. Murphy, who’s still pissed about Cassandra’s death, acts like he’s all about the mission now. Murphy says everyone is expendable and he’s the only precious cargo. Roberta says they’ll head south for a little more, but if Doc isn’t at some bridge in a certain amount of time, they’re moving on. Doc leaves in the canoe and I’m worried for him.

10K is recognized by a girl at the trailer park. She remembers them from when OBM stole a truck and isn’t trusting 10K, but 10K explains the mission and she seems cool with that. They have some kind of mill that zombies are turning, and the girl’s husband is one of them. The dentist guys have also been capturing people to turn into zombies for town labor. She says the town is all kinds of evil. Great.

Uh-oh. It’s Escorpion from earlier in the season. This has been a set up. There’s a really quick trial where he accuses Sketchy, Skeezy and 10K of stealing from the town and him personally. Sketchy takes on the role of legal counsel, and he does a whole riff like he’s Harold Hill in The Music Man. I’m expecting 76 Trombones to start any second. It gets to the point where I can’t even follow what he’s saying, which is undoubtedly what he wants. He says it all boils down to that they’re wonderful people and he knows they’re all geniuses. He ends with the “words of Clarence Thomas, if it don’t fit, you must acquit.”  Escorpion says it was beautiful, but they’re still guilty. The sentence is death by hanging.

OBM meet Doc at the bridge. There’s been no sign of 10K. Addy tells him that not many people look out for one another anymore, but he’s that person. She says they have to leave, that she needs him on the trip, and 10K will know he tried. Doc makes an eloquent speech to the absent 10K, and joins the group. Just as they’re about to leave, the girl who called the town evil comes running toward them.

The mayor gives a sermon, ending with his hopes that they don’t cause as much trouble in hell as they have in this world. Escorpion asks if they have any last words, and Sketchy tries to give another summation, but Escorpion stops him. He says it’s hangin’ time, but the hanging is foiled by OBM, who have shown up to save the day. The zombies are also on the loose. Girlfriend gives mercy to her zombie husband.

The truck plays music like an ice cream truck (maybe it originally was), & only attracts zombies. Sketchy and Skeezy are staying with the truck. 10K bids them farewell, and joins OBM in their own car. Sketchy and Skeezy arm themselves amid some banter.

The episode ends with a freeze frame of Sketchy and Skeezy (I almost typed Itchy and Scratchy) similar to the ending of Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid. They break out of the truck, ready to do battle, even though they’re totally outnumbered. Thinking about it, it’s been a while since I saw Butch and Sundance, but I think the dialogue between them just prior to the end might have been from the film too.


I got caught up in watching this after Z Nation. It’s on rotation on the Chiller channel.

This is the sort of horror movie I like, more creepy than anything else. I don’t believe in ghosts, vampires and the like, so horror films are never truly scary for me. Probably the last one that really scared me was The Exorcist in 1973. It really scared me. For a while, I had the family dog sleep in my room, until one night, I was awakened by an “oooohhhh” sound. Sure that the devil was there to possess me, I reached for the light. There was Ginger, sitting in the middle of my room, howling at the moon or whatever dogs howl at in the middle of the night. My father, having had enough of this nonsense, told me that it was the live ones I needed to be scared of. Having grown since then, I’ve come to agree with him. So creepy is the best I can hope for.

Ethan Hawke is a writer who moves his family into a house where the previous owners and their children were murdered. The story is going to be his next book. He finds a box of home movies that also feature several murders, all of them having things in common. Creepy stuff starts to happen, and while the ending isn’t a total surprise, it’s worth the price of admission. I always find things with electronics – movies or TV – have a special kind of creepiness. Maybe because these things are so tied to our lives.

Great film for the Halloween season!

October 21, 2015 — PC, Tyler Perry & Twice the LA


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)


General Hospital

Alexis wastes no time in telling Julian that baby Mateo is baby Leo. She shows him the DNA test results. Julian makes the genius connection between Olivia wanting to tell him something and stopping when the police showed up to arrest him. Julian says he should have felt a connection with Leo. Why, when he can’t even find a connection to his shirt?

Nathan tells Dante that he should really come clean with Lulu, but he won’t tell Maxie anything even though she’s prying like crazy. Fat chance and fat chance.

Junior has graduated from door guarding to wheelchair pushing. Maybe he’ll get an actual line of dialogue if he sticks around long enough. I’m wondering where he’s considered on the pay scale. You have walk-ons, under 5s (meaning under 5 lines of dialogue) and bit parts. What happens if you’re doing more than walking on, but have no dialogue?

Sonny bursts in on Patrick and Carly, and asks why Patrick is telling Carly he might never walk again and hasn’t told him. Um…he did. You didn’t listen. Patrick says Sonny doesn’t want to deal with reality (when has he ever?) and Sonny says he’s getting a new doctor.

Nina has bought 10,000 thread count sheets and Franco suggests they christen them, even if it’s just with cuddling. (Aww!) Kiki comes in, acting like her usual half-drunk self, and Nina says she’s going to put her new sheets on and take an example from Kiki by spending the day in bed doing nothing with her life.

Lulu tells Dante that Dillon said he knows something. She says Maxie thinks he’s just being bitter, but she has the feeling there’s more to it than that. Lulu wants to know what Dillon knows that she doesn’t. Come on, Dante. You know it’s going to come out eventually. Maxie tells Dillon that she hasn’t given up on finding an investor for Dillon’s film. What happened to yesterday’s idea about splitting the take on The Haunted Star’s Halloween party?

Franco tells Kiki that for him, hating Morgan is like a hobby, akin to planting a rock garden or trimming bonsai trees, but it seems to be costing her, so she needs to act like Elsa and let it go. She’s not having any, and he asks her to do it for him. Kiki agrees to try and be nice, and puts herself on snack detail for a get-together with Maxie and Nathan.

Julian is his usual entitled self and thinks he can just go over to Olivia’s and take the baby.  I used to kind of like him, but now I kind of dislike him. Alexis says she can identify because she also tried to hide a baby from Sonny, and begs him to act like a mature adult. Good luck with that.

Maxie and Nathan arrive at Nina’s. Just as they’re relaxing, Franco suggests since their visit was so out of the blue, they must want something. Nathan says he’s right, that they’re looking for film funding.

Dante is talking about Olivia with Lulu and she says it’s just more proof that lies have a way of compounding. Do they also accrue interest? Julian doesn’t listen to a damn thing Alexis said and busts in on Olivia and Morgan. He shoves the test results in her face and says he wants his son. Liking him even less now.

Patrick tells Sonny that he doesn’t want anyone to see that he’s weak just like everyone else. He says Sonny needs to act like a real man and face reality.

Nina gives Maxie some bucks and gives Kiki her credit card for the evening. The latter is probably a huge mistake, but giving stuff away has made Nina happy. She suggests she and Franco check out the new sheets. He decides to go for a walk. Huh?

Morgan is ready to head out of the hospital with Sonny and Carly stops them.

Not very exciting today, but tomorrow looks better.

If Loving You Is Wrong

I didn’t forget; I just didn’t have time yesterday, so I watched it On Demand.

Lucien is trying to get the tape of the shooting, but keeps getting thwarted. He tells Esperanza she doesn’t look good and she’s like, excuse me? He means she looks troubled, but she says everything is okay. She keeps talking though. She says that Eddie is a good guy at his core, but he’s out of control. They’re seeing each other, but they’re not really seeing each other, and she asks Lucien not to tell Natalie because she doesn’t need extra grief.

Wow. I never realized how many commercials this channel had until I just fast-forwarded through them. There were at least 8. I’m not kidding.

New girl, who is supposed to relieve Esperanza at the 911 board, comes in, but we don’t even get introduced.

Lucien’s new partner, Pete, comes to the hospital to see Ben. Andrew, the desk guy, tells Ben to be careful of Eddie. Pete says Eddie’s not a bad guy, and Andrew says he’s not a good one either. They both think that Ben getting all his fingers blown off by a perp is weird, so I guess they don’t know the real story. I’m guessing we don’t really either. I think Eddie has something to do with it.

Pete tells Ben to look at the bright side – he’s right handed and it’s the left hand that got shot. I’d actually thought the same thing last week. He suggests Ben can come back to work eventually, but I don’t think Ben wants to. Pete leaves and Ben hassles the nurse about getting pain meds. She tells him that he’s had enough for somebody twice his size four times over. She intimates he might be an addict. He says, “Go, bitch!” like he’s a pimp or something.

Commercial break. In fast-forwarding, I see an ad for Ilyanla, Fix My Life. One of the funniest skits I ever saw was Wanda Sykes doing Ilyanla, Fix My Flat. Now every time I see an ad for that show, Wanda pops in my head.

Joey is cleaning up the burger place after closing & Faun, whose dad owns it, shows up. You’d never know the place had been in tatters like a week ago after the shoot out. Faun pulls out a joint and says if he smokes it with her, she’ll help him clean up. Geez, twist his arm, why don’t you. I have to say, no one has ever given me an offer like that. She flips on the vent, Joey lights the j, and it looks like they’re going to do more than just smoke. Or maybe smoke in another way.

Kelly hears someone breaking into the house next door. New girl answers the 911 call, but Esperanza takes it from her, and sends Lucien to Kenny’s house. She says it’s next door, but I’m still not sure which house she means. I’m guessing it’s Randall breaking into Brad’s house. Or maybe his own house, since he and Marcie aren’t exactly on good terms. Esperanza tells Kelly to make sure her doors are locked.

Alex tries to call Brad from the hospital, but the phone is ringing unattended on the counter. Her caller ID is “Lying Bitch” on his phone. Ha-ha-ha! My husband’s parents are “Old Folks Home” on his.

Lucien gets to Kelly’s and they have a guy in cuffs. He says his name is Ramsey, it’s his mom’s house and she told him about Kelly talking to her the other day. I guess his mom isn’t close enough to him to give him a key? He says he hasn’t been able to get ahold of her and he’s worried something is wrong. He wants the cops to check and of course they have to tell him to calm down. Nothing pisses off an uncalm person more than someone telling them to calm down.

Oh, this is kind of sad. Ramsey’s mother is dead. Pete says he thinks she died in her sleep. It would be really nice of them to take the cuffs off. I never took Lucien to be a heartless jerk. Okay, he’s taking them off now. On a side note, I really think more cops need sensitivity training. This scene seemed pretty accurate. I wonder if Ramsey will move into his mom’s house and be a love interest for Kelly.

Alex calls the house landline, and her little girl, Paisley (cool name!) answers. While her son talks to her, Paisley goes looking for Brad, but can’t find him. Alex tells her to see if the car is in the driveway. It is, so she says good night.

Eddie and Ben are in a car outside the mini-mart where the tape is. Eddie gives Ben – we’ve been given no explanation how he got out of the hospital – some painkillers, and tells him to get the tape. Too late. Pete’s there for the same reason. Eddie kicks Ben out of the car and confronts Pete. He makes stupid chitchat, and then asks Pete what he has in the bag. Pete is pretty shaky, but says it’s just cream for the coffee he also has. Eddie wants the bag, but Pete won’t give it to him. Lucien calls and Pete lets him know Eddie is there. Ah-ah (in Nelson voice)! Pete leaves, but Eddie tells Ben (who is allowed back in the car now) that he’s going to “get” him.

Lucien recognizes that the coffee isn’t from their regular place and asks Pete if he was after the tape. Pete says no a thousand times. Lucien tells him they’re supposed to stay out of it, and he’d better not be lying. Since I don’t believe him for a second, I wonder why Pete’s so interested in the tape.

Alex talks to Kelly who tells her about the woman next door and her son. At first, Alex thinks that’s where Brad must have been, but Kelly says no. Alex tells her the kids are alone, and would she look around for Brad. I yell, “He’s in the shed with Marcie!” but no one hears me. Alex wants Kelly to go to Randall’s, but Kelly has been trying to avoid Marcie and doesn’t want to. Alex says she’ll come home then, and Kelly relents. Kelly hears Brad and Marcie going at it so loud the whole neighborhood must be hearing it. I wonder why she didn’t hear this from the front yard. She basically pulls a Schultz and says she knows nothing and hangs up. Randall comes home, but before he can shake Kelly down. Mom pops out and drags him to the shed. This ought to be good.

Little Women LA

Christy is going off like a rocket about Briana having lied about being married. Elena’s vow renewal weekend in Hawaii is not the place, girlfriend. Tonya adds to the fire, but at least keeps her cool. Whoops! There goes Terra. It’s not like Briana can go back and change it. Chill already.

Terra says Briana is clearly being taken advantage of, and Matt calls them a bunch of bitches. For some reason, this isn’t allowed. Everyone except Brianna has started to degenerate into a bunch of 5-year-olds. They’re firing questions at Matt, but he’s not allowed to speak. Briana does mention that being screamed at while everyone has clay on their face is ridiculous. Christy literally stomps off to keep her flip-flops on her feet.

Terra says she’s glad Elena and Preston couldn’t make it to the couples’ retreat, even though she was disappointed at first, because they don’t need the stress. I get where everyone is coming from, but the ones creating the stress aren’t Briana and Matt.

Briana gets together with Jasmine and Britney. Jasmine is annoyed because the others keep playing telephone with her words. She had told them that Todd said he could have Briana any time he wanted. This translated to Todd is still in love with Briana, which isn’t the same thing. Apparently, Todd has been texting Briana the entire time he’s been married to Christy too. Bleh.

Ha-ha! The irony isn’t lost on Britney that Terra didn’t want her there because she was afraid Britney would start trouble. Yet Terra quickly jumped on the scream-at-Briana bandwagon. They’re going snorkeling, and Tonya is pissed that Jaa didn’t jump to her defense when Matt called them bitches. (Bitch, please.) She says she’s not letting his snorkel anywhere near her. Ha-ha!  I’ve never been snorkeling, and I’m both jealous that they’re in paradise and annoyed that they’re not totally appreciating it. Sea turtles abound!

Jaa has planned a private romantic dinner for himself and Tonya. He reads her a romantic poem. Tonya brings up the bitch thing. He says they were all acting like it. Ha! She says she wants a man to “protect her,” which sounds idiotic. It’s not like Matt was all in her face or even singled her out. She doesn’t understand how he basically didn’t want to step in because she was wrong. Or at least the timing and delivery were wrong. I like Jaa. I’m the most loyal person you’ll ever meet, but if you’re wrong, I’m going to tell you. People might get pissed about that sometimes, but I’ve actually had them come back and thank me later. I’m not so sure Tonya is going to thank Jaa though.

Tonya asks where the relationship is going. She wants a commitment, but he’s not ready. Jaa suggests they take a hiatus. He doesn’t want to stand in her way of happiness (yeah, yeah). She says in her individual interview that she’ll leave the door open, but she’s not going to wait forever for a brother. At least he was honest, and he kindly asks if it’s okay for him to stay. Tonya says yes. How good of her to not kick him out of Hawaii.

The ladies are having a spa day. Elena tells Briana that she heard the couples’ retreat wasn’t “too retreating.” Briana says that’s true, but she doesn’t want to interfere with Elena’s weekend. She’s the only one who’s acting halfway normal. Tonya tells them what happened with Jaa. I’ve never gone on a trip with a group of friends, but this is making me think I never want to.

Elena and Terra are meeting with the wedding planner. Elena wanted the ceremony to be right on the beach, and that’s a no. Because of county ordinances, they have to have it on the property of the hotel. The planner splits for a meeting, and Elena is a little pissed because the planner didn’t let her know about this beforehand. Nothing seems to be going right and Elena starts to cry. I feel badly for her because these are things the planner should have gone over with her, and she did all this in the first place because she wasn’t happy with it the first time around. Seems to me, no one is getting their expectations met on this trip, but she’s the one who really counts.

Preston can tell things aren’t right with Elena, and she says she’s not feeling it at all. Preston says that no matter what, it will be special, and he’s thrilled their families will finally get to meet. Elena gets a boost when the family luncheon goes well, but then the planner brings her back down again. She doesn’t have a picture of the bouquet. She says it’s never been made before, but her description is very elaborate, and that’s not what Elena wanted. She wanted simple. She says she feels like the planner hasn’t even listened to her requests and I tend to agree.

Tonya confronts Matt privately about the bitch thing, and he gives her an eloquent apology. He says he shouldn’t have lumped her in when she was actually trying to have a conversation.  Again, I’ve never seen this guy be anything but okay, and treat Briana any way except like a queen.

Briana decides that if Matt and Tonya can make up, maybe she and Christy can too. Christy thinks it’s okay to call Matt whatever she wants, but he shouldn’t have called her a bitch. Briana tells her about Todd’s texting, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She starts getting all loud and emotional again, and Terra steps in to cool things down. I’m totally with her on not wanting more drama to happen at Elena’s weekend, but she seems to think Briana is starting something with Christy. She tried to talk to Christy, and Christy is the one who got weird.

Elena sees a picture of the bouquet and it’s not what she wanted. Now she’s worried about everything else, like the cake and the ceremony itself. She’s having major second thoughts. The space looks beautiful though, with an archway set up for the couple, and the ocean in the background.

Christy says Todd showed her all of the messages between him and Briana, and that Briana’s lying again. Like he couldn’t have deleted something. I believe Briana.

The worst thing about all this is that it’s so unfair to Elena. If these girls were really friends of hers, they’d avoid having these confrontations and save it until the weekend is over. It’s not like they don’t have any distractions. It’s Hawaii for Pete’s sake!

Everything is gorgeous, including the bride. Elena is finally happy and she looks like the most beautiful Barbie doll in the world. When they exchange the vows they’ve written, everyone starts to cry. They are so obviously in love, it even touches my heart. At least no one started anything during the ceremony.

Back to middle school. This is just sad. The table is filled, so Matt and Briana have to sit by themselves.

The not-so-newlyweds enter and do their first dance. Preston sings to her and she says she wants to consummate the vow renewal now. She looks absolutely hot, in a red lace dress that isn’t quite as revealing as the wedding dress. Elena also has a dance with her father. She says that of all the American wedding traditions, this is her favorite. This touches me as my father passed away before I got married, so I didn’t get that experience.

Christy is going on and on and on to Tonya about how Briana is the one who started texting Todd, when she’d said she didn’t have his number. Doesn’t she know he can delete stuff??? Don’t do this here. Please. Please.

She confronts Briana like she’s five. In a sing-songy voice with her hands flailing about. I think Christy is incredibly insecure. And I think Todd does try to flirt with Briana.

Tonya catches the bouquet. It’s the finale, so they have those things that tell you what everyone is doing now. The best one was that Elena was expecting two bundles of joy…she’s getting breast enhancement surgery. I’ll miss the girls a lot, but I’m looking forward to the reunion.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Because the Little Women ran overtime, I missed the first half hour. I came in to James showing some developers a property with an amazing view. Basically no different from any other episode. I see from the blurb that both NBA player Kris Humphries and Brian Wilson are going to be clients. I don’t know squat about basketball, but I’m assuming Kris is the really tall one with the developers.

Brian Wilson seems really weird. Really, really weird.

JoshF is showing the cutest house! It looks like a fairy tale cottage. But with new appliances. The client sounds hard to please and is judging the appropriateness of the house by the vibes of some painting she’s hauling around with her.

JoshA is still having problems with the Aberdeen house. The buyers want a three month extension which is like a death knell in real estate land. They decide to cancel the deal. JoshA is supposed to meet Brian Wilson at a tattoo parlor and it looks like he’s not going to show. Brian has left instructions for Josh to get a war eagle tattoo and he does, but just a stencil.

James and David have sellers that are very attached to their house, the one with the view. That means they won’t want to part with it under their asking price. Aww, the lady is crying about the house. I love my house too, but if I was getting 6+ million, I don’t know if I’d cry over it. It looks like they have a deal, but after they shake hands, Kris is having second thoughts about the 60 day something-or-other. A lot of this stuff always seems petty to me.

Commercial break. Okay, this is kind of cute. A guy bribes hotel personnel with Cheetos so he can use his float in the pool.

Kris says if they’ll do it in 30 days, he’ll kick in another 50K and make sure their move is smooth. Deal done.

Me too!

October 20, 2015 — GH, a Cranky Chef & Quote


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)


General Hospital

It’s almost Halloween! And as we know, celebrations go on much longer in Port Charles than IRL. Lulu scares the crap out of Maxie, popping out in a mask on The Haunted Star. Maxie reminds her that she just found a body in the water, right off the front porch, and Lulu concurs that maybe her timing was bad.

That’s right, I forgot Brad is a lab technician. Alexis confers with him about the DNA test and he says he can’t believe she swiped a baby’s binkie. I guess he’s forgotten some of the depths he’s sunk to, but I’m glad to see him.

Some fat dude, who looks like The Sopranos’ Big Pussy if he cleaned up well, brings Sonny a cannoli. Sonny asks if anyone knows who put the hit out on Carrrlos. Fat Dude says it was no one from Sonny’s organization, and that they wouldn’t have acted on something Ava said without his say-so. Sonny isn’t convinced Carrrlos shot him. He wants Fat Dude to find out who killed Carrrlos. The revolving door happens, and Fat Dude leaves, while Patrick and Carly enter. Sonny wants to go home…today.

Lucas talks to Julian about his upcoming nuptials with Brad. For whatever reason, Julian suggests that Brad might be playing him for a fool. I thought Brad’s wandering ways were over. What did I miss?

Olivia is still weeping over Ned, and I would be too, since he’s one fine-looking man. She gives Dante the lowdown. He says she did the right thing and says sometimes no matter how hard you try the truth comes out in the end. She wonders if he’s still talking about her or something else. Olivia tells him that Julian seemed to buy the adoption story, but Alexis, not so much

Brad asks Alexis for legal help. She thinks he’s talking about his divorce from Rosalie (oops! forgot about that), but he says there’s more to it than that and he could go to prison for a long time, and so could Rosalie. I can’t wait to find out what on earth they did. I also can’t imagine why they’d have to stay married because of it. Unless his parents know the truth and are holding it over their heads.

Anna visits Doc (Kevin) for help with her delusions. It’s like old home week! Can I put in an order for some Faison? Doc thinks that Anna is talking about seeing Duke, and she says she’d actually be grateful for that. Oh wow. She tells Doc she’s been seeing Carrrlos. Is she going to tell him everything? Would that fall under doctor/patient confidentiality?

Commercial break. I have to admit, I’ve only seen Grey’s Anatomy once. It was the one where Seth Green died and it was really depressing. That’s not what’s stopping me from watching it though. It looks like a terrific show, but I just can’t watch everything.

Dillon interrupts The Haunted Star decorating and complains that he still needs to film there. At least I know where he’s filming now. But not for long. Maxie says his unrequited love problems are causing delays and they should shoot somewhere else. Lulu doesn’t want them filming there either. Dillon apologizes to Lulu for being a jerk and begs to finish filming there.

Anna asks Doc about the doctor/patient thing, and he says unless a patient says they’re going to hurt someone, it’s all good. She says what about a crime that’s already been committed, and he says that’s a grey area.

Brad and Alexis are interrupted by Lucas (who I consistently want to call “Nathan”) and Julian. Alexis says it’s clear that Julian is hiding something, and he says he’ll tell her when they get home. Since there’s only 20 minutes left of the show, I assume this means tomorrow, or next week. Surprisingly, it’s after the next commercial. Julian has had a new house designed and built for them. Contractors work fast there! Mushy stuff with candles, rose petals and a bathtub. Congratulations to Julian for keeping his shirt on for a whole two days…almost.

Commercial break. I can’t take one more of these Xarelto commercials with Kevin Nealon and Arnold Palmer and the racing guy. I can’t.

Lulu says that Dillon makes her uncomfortable now and she wants him to film somewhere else. Although why she has to be there when they’re filming escapes me. Dillon says he’s already gotten half a million from his father (what did he spend it on?) and can’t ask for any more. Maxie suggests hitting up other family members because if he can’t do that “what’s the point of being related to those back-biting lunatics?” meaning the Quartermaines.

Anna comes thisclose to telling Doc everything, but doesn’t quite. She makes it sound like she’s seeing things because she was with Duke at the end.

Patrick says no way is Sonny going anywhere. Despite his just-back-from-the-Bahamas look, apparently he’s got a long way to go. Patrick leaves. Fat Dude and Junior pop in. Junior is now my name for the young guy in the thankless role, who has no lines and has been guarding Sonny’s room.

Brad tells Lucas that he’s taken steps to extract himself from his marriage, and then he’ll be free to marry Lucas. Lovey dovey stuff and they kiss as the elevator door closes.

While Julian sloshes through the rose petals to get a beer or something, Alexis looks at the paper from the lab. Hard to tell what the news is from the faces she’s making, but we already know that baby Mateo is baby Leo.

Maxie suggests Dillon get half the door at the Haunted Star Halloween party as an investment. Maxie says after that, she’ll never have to hear from Dillon again. Lulu agrees.

Doc gives Anna a prescription for low dose anti-anxiety meds, and says maybe next time she can tell him what she couldn’t today.

Carly busts in on Patrick, and demands to know when Sonny is going to walk. Patrick says Sonny could be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I’ll bet he’s walking by Christmas.

Below Deck

When last we left our yachtees, Dane had just gotten the boot from Captain Lee.

The primary guest is celebrating his 50th birthday. He’s coming with his girlfriend, sons and some other friends. The girls flip out over the pic of one of his friends who looks exactly like Ryan Gosling. Seriously, they could pass for twins. They do say we all have one somewhere, right? They want a white party and the captain tells Chef Leon to use his imagination. He doesn’t know how much he’s asking. They’ve also requested shark diving, so it should be an interesting trip.

Rocky is actually doing her job. And she says she’s enjoying it. Apparently, the “hooking up” she and Eddie did last week paid off. I love the dress uniforms that they welcome and say good-by to the guests in. The women look like old-fashioned airplane stewardesses. Like the Barbie outfit I used to have. Minus the hat.

The primary’s girlfriend looks a bit like Jessica Alba. I wonder if they’re celebrity impersonators. They’re having lunch on the deck and she’s wearing a sunhat. This makes me remember a time, when eating outside at South Street Seaport, I wish I’d had one.

Leon is such a d-bag. Kate is trying to explain to him that the primary has never had a proper birthday cake, because she thinks it should be special, and Leon acts like the biggest snot rag ever. Oh Lord, he won’t even let her use a box from the galley. I’d rather work with ten Rockys than half of this guy.

Oh no! The shark dive has to be cancelled. The visibility stinks, and 10 foot visibility + 10 foot sharks = unsafe. Captain Lee says he hates giving guests bad news, and I can understand that. He probably hopes it doesn’t affect the tip too, even though it’s out of his control. The guests are cool about it though, and they’re going to do a lobster dive. I actually think I’m more disappointed than they are.

Commercial break. I love Captain Lee, but he looks mighty uncomfortable doing those Après Ski ads.

OMG – Leon is going on and on about this box. Finally, Kate finds some other cardboard, and she and Connie make…something.  Yikes! Emile thinks Leon is a great guy and he’s great at what he does. Are we seeing the same guy? Okay, I see. Connie is dressing up like a shark in lieu of the shark dive and the cardboard thing they made is a headpiece. Never mind the tip, these people are going to want their money back. Eddie says it’s like they’re in middle school and I agree. Eddie wants to break up with his girlfriend, but knows it’s bad form to do it on the phone.

Leon is taking a nap and Rocky is looking for stuff to make chicken quesadillas. Hopefully, she’ll cook the chicken all the way through this time. Uh-oh. She’s making it for the guests and the captain notices. He says Leon has misplaced the concept that they’re not on his schedule, but the guests’ schedule. And seriously, after last week’s raw chicken fiasco at the crew dinner she cooked, Rocky should not be allowed to cook for the guests.

Emile is bartending and talking about his personal life to the guests. Isn’t that backward? They say he’s the Rico Suavé of the yacht. I detect sarcasm here.

Leon is doing that smear on the plate thing. I always think it just makes the plate look messy the second you start to eat. He tells Kate the name of the dish in French, and she says she knew the kitchen was bi-polar, but not bi-lingual. I think it’s funny and deserved, but Rocky says Kate’s “being evil.” Please. Leon is a total dickweed. (Spellcheck tried to make that “duckweed,” but ha-ha, I trumped it.) Captain Lee is hanging around in the galley because he’s sick of Leon’s attitude. This is the third or fourth time he’s served “beef cheeks,” this season too. This is the guy who the captain wanted to use his imagination.

Rocky is on night shift, and thinks this means just having fun with the guests. Amy tells her that once in a while she needs to extract herself and actually do some work. I guess that spurt of ambition is over. As they do dishes, Rocky says she’s thinking about her life and where she’s at. Mentally, I guess that would be nowhere. Amy SKYPES with her brother, who was a deckhand last season.

Eddie and Rocky “hook up” again in the laundry room. I think Eddie is going to be sorry. Rocky says she feels like he cares about her, but I’ll bet he doesn’t care about her more than his job.

Kate says she’s never had such a miserable experience with a chef than she has with Leon. I’ve never even worked with a chef, and I can still say with total conviction, me too. Captain Lee is very close to being totally pissed off. For whatever reason, Emile says that the Kate/Leon discord is because of him and Rocky. Connie says he’s an idiot. Yep. Amy once again tries to get through to Rocky about her job attitude. Rocky says she’s not four and stop talking to her like a 4-year-old. Stop acting like one then. She can’t seem to grasp that work is not the place where you do whatever you want and that you actually have to work. Of course she loves Leon too. It’s no surprise since neither one of them has any work ethic. Or probably any other ethic.

Leon is going to make rabbit, and one of the guests tells a sad story about how they ate her pet rabbit as a kid. Leon is still going to make rabbit. Kate suggests they have venison next while watching Bambi. The guest who told the rabbit story gets upset when it’s served. I think it’s creepy and it doesn’t help when one of the other guests starts singing “Here Comes Peter Cottontail.” What a cretin.

It’s midnight and they’re having a birthday countdown with a toast a la New Year’s Eve. The birthday boy wants to watch Kung Fu movies. Sounds like a reasonable request. The popcorn stays too long in the microwave and everything is smoke city. Even I know you have to keep an eye on microwave popcorn. Or an ear (no pun intended). Fire in the galley! The pizza has started a fire in the regular oven and smoke alarms are going off.

Next week’s part two looks great, a real sh*tshow. Leon acting all smug, telling Captain Lee that everything is Kate’s fault; Rocky having some kind of emotional breakdown in front of Eddie, stripping, and jumping into the water; and Chef Ben coming back! Does this mean Leon is walking the plank?

The People’s Couch

Since this is a show where I’m watching other people make comments about what they’re watching, for me to comment on it seems redundant. So instead it’s the source of this week’s quote.

“She’s too perky to go to the hospital. Perky people don’t go to the hospital.” One of the “glammas” in reference to a scene in Fargo.


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Hey! It’s Ned! He’s been off touring with his daughter, Brooklyn. Yo! Eddie Maine! When Alexis says something about “Olivia and Leo,” Ned says Leo is the baby that passed away and Mateo is the adopted baby. Alexis asks him if he was there for the adoption, and he says he was aware of everything, so I’m thinking he knows the truth. It’s like when you say you “have experience” with something on a resume and what you really mean is you walked past it once. Alexis is definitely suspicious, and when she leaves, calls somewhere regarding a DNA test. That lab makes a lot of money from Port Charles residents.

If Sabrrrina doesn’t stop “thinking about” Carrrlos, everyone is going to get a clue. She tells Michael she’s pregnant and when he starts singing “You’re Having My Baby,” she gives a soap opera face. Okay, I’m making up the singing part, but he did say it and she did make a face. And she stared at the picture of Carrrlos on the front page of the paper. He asks why she waited so long to tell him, and she says it was fear of losing another baby. This might actually be believable, if she’d lost baby Gabriel from a miscarriage, but it was a car accident. But that’s okay, no one has noticed this.

Kiki is still busy drinking. Morgan questions her drinking alone, and she says it’s better company. Hear, hear!

Whiney voice, I mean, Molly, isn’t happy about Julian moving in. Julian says she’s entitled to her opinion, but he’s entitled to try and change it. She’s like, good luck with that. She seems to think that whatever phone call he was on when she came in has something to do with a kidnapping. She tells Alexis that the next time Julian gets a mysterious phone call, that she should dig a hole and stick her head in it. She storms out while Alexis looks all shocked at the remark. Really? It’s not like Whiney Molly hasn’t been outspoken before. At least Julian has his shirt on today.

Spinelli tells Sam that Jason is still with them, just not in the conventional way. Boy, he has no idea how close he is to the truth. She says she sees Jason in Danny, and is feeling guilty for moving on. “Jake” goes to Windermere to shake Nicholas down about who he really is. Hayden steps in to stop him from strangling Nicholas. Nicholas tells him his life is better without knowing, and he did the DNA test to protect the innocent. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That’s a good one! He accuses “Jake” of stealing his files and says he must have had help from Sam.”Jake” says to go ahead and press charges, but good luck getting them to stick. Nicholas admits comparing his DNA to an international database, but says there was no result. Like any of us believe that.

A strange (meaning a stranger, not weird) girl approaches Morgan. She says she noticed he got shot down by Kiki, but in lieu of that, he can flirt with her. She introduces herself as Darby Collette, which sounds like a romance writer pseudonym.

Ned goes to see Olivia and tells her he’s been doing a lot of thinking (never a good sign), and that he believes they should go their separate ways. Both Olivia and I make a sad face because Ned has aged really well. Ned says he can’t go along with the charade about Leo. He says that one lie leads to another until instead of living your life, you’re living a lie. Good one. As I’ve mentioned, I’m in this for the action stuff, not the couples, but even I feel badly about this. Ned doesn’t want to break up, but he tells her she has to tell Julian the truth.

It’s the anniversary of Jason’s loss, and Spinelli thinks they should do something special. Sam says Jason never liked a big deal about anything and suggest they just stand there as friends and meditate on the stars. A shooting star goes by and voila! here comes “Jake” to join them. Honestly, this is killing me.

Ned says he wants to stay with Olivia and be a family with Leo, but not under false pretenses. Olivia says she was going to tell Julian the truth, but Julian got arrested before she could say anything. The charges were dropped, but she doesn’t believe he’s out of the mob. Ned tells her good-by, and says that if she needs him for anything, just call.

Darby invites Morgan to a party, and Molly comes by, having used her fake ID to get in the bar. Darby knows Molly from school, and invites her along too. Morgan is on the fence about going, and Darby prods Molly for info on him when he steps away from the table.

Michael tells Sabrrrina that he loves her and wants the baby. He asks her what she wants, and she makes another soap opera face. No one asked me what I want, but I’d like Carrrlos back. Sabrrrina says she loves Michael too. What’s going to happen when that baby comes out with a beard and moustache?

Spinelli leaves Sam and “Jake” on the docks. “Jake” clues Sam in on what happened with Nicholas. He says that Nicholas will probably be running around, tying up loose ends, and that’s when he might slip up.

Nicholas asks Hayden if it might have occurred to her that he’s telling the truth about not knowing “Jake’s” identity, and she laughs her head off. Me too. Young Spencer comes in and it’s time for Hayden to toddle off so he and Nicholas can have a scene together. Spencer asks Nicholas what his intentions are toward Hayden. I love this kid and think he has a huge future in show biz. Spencer says he doesn’t want to like Hayden too much because he doesn’t want things to end up like they did with Britt. Nicholas says he feels the same way, and Spencer asks who he’s kidding, he’s in love with Hayden.

Morgan hassles Kiki some more. She tells him he hurts her just be being around and to leave her alone. She’s not even being that loud, but everyone in the bar seems to be listening in.

The most boring couple in the world, Alexis and Julian, discuss Molly, and I fall asleep.  Oddly enough, Julian gets another mystery call, but instead of taking Molly’s advice, Alexis listens from the hallway. He ends the call with saying if anything goes wrong, they’ll be consequences.

Kiki is done drinking, but has forgotten her wallet. The bartender, who has taken her car keys, tells her to walk home, which is highly unlikely, since he could be held responsible if anything happens. Why isn’t he just calling her a cab (you’re a cab!) and letting her deal with it from there?

Spencer says he sees the mating dance, the smolder and the skip in Nicholas’s step. ROFL! Nicholas steers him to bed.

We end with “Jake” and Sam parting company, while we see another shooting star. Come on already.

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part One

We start off behind-the-scenes with Meghan saying that she doesn’t know what to expect, and “I’ll just go out and be myself, I guess.” No, Meghan. Go out and be Fred Flintstone. I’d actually prefer Fred.

The ladies (and I use the term loosely) are dressed surprisingly understated. No ball gowns or ballerina outfits, although Shannon has an amazing pair of earrings that I desperately want.

Sadly, Jim’s ex-wife passed away, but on the upside, Hayley actually managed to graduate high school.

Meghan starts off picking on Vicki, because she’s of the opinion that the love for one’s own child is different than that toward a step-child.

I’m shocked when Heather, who is friends with another ex-wife of Jim’s, says that Meghan shouldn’t have criticized the ex on the show because she couldn’t answer for herself.  I agree. I also agree with her that being a stay-at-home mom is sometimes a harder job than working outside the home, and if you do, why can’t you have a nice purse. This was brought up because of Vicki’s comment about a stay-at-home wife spending the husband’s money.

We go down Memory Lane with Vicki and her mom. When Vicki’s mom died, that was one episode I could not watch a second time. My father passed away just before I got married, and I can so identify with how she feels. She says she feels like she doesn’t have anyone “watching out for” her now and I totally understand. She talks about how she still sometimes wants to pick up the phone when something happens and I get that too. When I went to my 20th high school reunion, I found out a childhood friend of mine had died, and my first thought was to call my father, and then I realized he was no longer here. Even after 30 years, it’s a feeling that’s hard to shake. Vicki tells a funny story about her mom getting arrested and it lightens the mood.

Commercial break. Oh, good! The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce is coming back for another season. Great show! I also love Odd Mom Out and hope it returns. I was surprised I liked the latter, because I thought I wouldn’t be able to relate, but it’s funny as hell, and more about being a New Yorker than anything else.

They have a funny segment about how particular the women are when they order food in a restaurant. Heather tells Shannon that she’s doing too many colonics. This, coming from the person who duct taped leeches to their stomach. Vicki also got some criticism for telling the naked sushi girl that she should get a real job. In all fairness, she also got a lot of resumes.

Meghan can’t cook Minute Rice? Really? She also doesn’t know who Heather Locklear is. One of the things that’s really bothered me about her is that she’s an ageist. I can’t count the times she’s referenced the ages of the other women in comparison to her 30 years on the earth. When I was in my 30s, one of my closest friends was in her 80s.

Tamra says that she and Meghan “speak the truth,” and I throw up in my mouth.  Andy asks Meghan what “judgy eyes” look like and she makes a cartoon face. I guess they look like Mr. Magoo when he puts on his glasses.

We flash back to Tamra telling us she’s been saved, “and if you don’t like it, you can suck it.” Why? Why does she always have to be so profane? Now, I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think some things are inappropriate. For instance, I was raised by a sailor and can certainly curse like one, but I don’t do that in front of someone’s aging parents. It was like when Tamra called Alexis “Jesus Jugs.” I was just like WTF? It made me cringe.

Tamra has had a lot of difficulties with her eldest daughter and there have been a lot of conflicts. Apparently, this child needs therapy, and her ex, who fought and won custody, didn’t think it was necessary. The court said because she was 17, she could make the decision of who she wants to live with. After a wonderful vacation together, where afterward her daughter texted “I love you” to her, Tamra’s daughter exited her life and hasn’t returned. Simon, her ex, is a controlling bastard, so it’s not surprising that he would use a child’s health to get back at Tamra. The kids also read the tabloid stuff, which has been less than kind to her. While I don’t think she’s the soul of tact, I don’t think she’s a bad mother and it’s unfortunate that she’s had to go through this. The upside is, it led her to the Lord, and I’m hoping she continues to grow.

Yep, we see the Alexis clip. Alexis sends an email to Andy to pass along to Tamra. Whoa. She totally calls Tamra out. I might have been a little more diplomatic, but she’s right on the money. She says that just because Jesus takes us as we are and we continue to make mistakes, it doesn’t give Tamra a hall pass to act like the same old bitch. I translated that last part. Tamra says Alexis is the kind of Christian that gives Christians a bad name, and that she shouldn’t be sitting in judgment. While I agree with the latter, isn’t Tamra doing the same thing with that statement? And sorry, Tamra is more likely to give Christians a bad name.

The previews show them talking about Brooks. I didn’t think we were going to get any of that tonight.

Ladies of London

They always have great music on this show. I love foreign pop!

Julie says she’s creating a new mold for being a Lady. Alexis Carrington Sophie says British aristocracy is a “civilized pursuit” (what?) and you need to dress the part.

The Baroness has gotten a humongous bouquet from her boyfriend, and I wonder if we’ll ever get to see him. Oooh. The card says “you kiss my soul.” Do you think he made that up himself? There’s more mushy stuff, but that was the best part. Caroline #1 has come by for a visit.

Marissa is telling her husband about the crater-sized faux pas she made at bowling, giving the Baroness a shirt that said “cougar” on it, and proceeding to make some really disgusting comments about dating children. The Baroness was not too happy about it, and the boyfriend pushed Marissa out of the taxi and left her in the street when she was supposed to get a ride home with them. I laugh so hard, I think I’ll bust a gut. Why didn’t Bravo film this???!

Annabelle says that it’s ironic that Julie is a yoga teacher and she’s always in a panic. The group is going on a shooting weekend, an aristocratic and expensive thing to do. The weekend part looks great, but you can leave me out of the shooting. Juliet is hosting it, which is kind of weird. Isn’t she a vegetarian? Marissa is a babbling idiot at dinner. Ha-ha! Juliet doesn’t have to do a thing to get back at her. Just let her be her stupid self. They get on the topic of is cougar a bad thing, and have to explain what MILF means to Julie like she’s a two-year-old. Caroline #1 is on edge because of her business going down the tubes. Everyone is meeting at 8 a.m., but she’s booked a spa day. I’d go with her.

There are elaborate outfits to shoot in. There are a lot of layers and it looks like it’s pretty chilly out. They’re shooting pheasants and partridges (♫ Come on, get happy! ♫), and the meat gets sold to pubs and given to the local people. I would never want to hunt, but I’m okay with others doing it if it gets eaten.

Oh, it’s Julie that’s the vegetarian. Why do their names have to be so similar, and why do we have 2 Carolines? Juliet says Marissa wants to be Victoria Beckham. Not bloody likely. Ever. Yay! It’s time to go to the pub.

Joan Collins Sophie says a shot of vodka in your soup can get you through the day or something like that. She also says that on these shooting weekends, they basically drink their faces off.

Julie and Marissa are having champagne and a bubble bath together. I don’t really like bubble baths much to begin with, but this is really weird IMO. The other girls have gone to the bar to have champagne. Everyone reconvenes for dinner. Caroline #1 needs to eat immediately, and I understand this. My husband has learned to understand that if we’re in the car and I say I need to eat now, I mean now, not 30 minutes from now. Oooh. The Baroness says Marissa makes her insides crawl. Me too! Caroline #1 tells Marissa that even if she apologized, she also blabbed to everyone within hearing distance about the cab thing, and it got back to the Baroness’s family. Marissa is also best friends with the Baroness’s sister.

Commercial break. Why is Samuel L. Jackson stumping for Capital One? He can’t possibly need the money.

Caroline #1 has to explain things to Marissa. Marissa hunts down the Baroness in the bathroom. The Baroness says she tried to climb out the window, but it was locked. Marissa is so freaking dense. She says she didn’t tell the whole world. Doesn’t matter. She told the wrong person. She has no business discussing the Baroness’s boyfriend with anyone. The Baroness says that her boyfriend did not “push” her out of the car, that she was dawdling, so they took off. I tend to believe her. The Baroness has had enough though, and accepts Marissa’s apology. Too bad. I liked the Evil Baroness, staring daggers at Marissa. The girls come back in with their arms around each other and everyone applauds. More dinking and parlor games.

This includes funneling some tequila into Juliet’s mouth. Yuk!

Next week, it’s London Fashion Week!

October 18, 2015 — A Sword, Some Wolfs & Two Joes


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)


Once Upon A Time

In old Camelot, young Arthur tells young Guinevere that Merlin (who is trapped inside a tree) gave him a prophecy that he would pull a sword from a stone and they would become king and queen.  Fast forward to Arthur as an adult. When he takes the sword from the stone, the bottom of it is gone, taken to make Dark Emma’s dagger. Arthur hides it in a sheath when he returns to the people, acting like nothing is wrong.  Arthur tells David he can re-forge the sword so that it will again be able to defeat the powers of darkness.

Rumpelstiltskin tells Emma since she’s the savior, she needs to save herself before it’s too late. Good point.

David wants to take the dagger and use it to put the sword back together. Snow doesn’t trust Arthur, and even though David thinks it will save Emma, she wants to wait. David approaches Arthur and tells him Lancelot is alive. Guinevere overhears and tells David he doesn’t know the whole story of her and Lance. David goes into his bag to get the dagger, but it’s gone.

In old Camelot, it’s Guinevere’s birthday party. Arthur is late and Lancelot dances with the queen. Guinevere has taken a magic gauntlet that she believes will help find the missing piece of the sword. Lancelot joins her in the quest and the gauntlet leads them to a weird circle that looks like a giant sewer cap with mystical symbols on it. When it opens, there’s a staircase to a place that looks kind of like a mine. All kinds of black crazy stuff comes out of nowhere and surrounds Lancelot. Guinevere makes it go away and they kiss. She says it won’t happen again, but I dunno about that.

Henry takes Emma and Hook to a stable where he wants to show them something, but they’re interrupted by Henry’s crush, Violet. Emma and Hook hide, and Henry and Violet go riding.

Lance and Gwen come to a forest where the dagger is on display. When they try to take it, they’re thrown back and Rumpel appears.  Rumpel offers them a compromise – a pinch of enchanted sand will fix the sword without the dagger. He asks for the gauntlet in exchange for a vial of it. He tells Gwen that when a woman’s heart is torn between duty and desire, it never ends well. She agrees to the exchange, and he adds that she needs to worry about a broken heart more than a broken sword.

Lance and Snow go underground and on to the forest. Snow says she’s seen this place in a vision before, and Dark Emma crushed her heart there. Arthur has followed them. He’s led David on a wild goose chase to look for Snow, and says that if Snow knows what’s good for her, she’ll hand over the dagger.

Gwen gets back to Camelot and tells Arthur about the sand that will make something broken seem whole again. Maybe she should use it on their relationship. He still wants the dagger, but she tells him that if he doesn’t get with the program, she’s leaving him for Lance. Bizarrely, Arthur takes my advice and throws some of the sand at Gwen. It makes her cool with Arthur going on his quest for the dagger, and he tosses a load of the sand out of the tower window and over the kingdom.

Arthur says he’ll kill Lance if Snow doesn’t give him the dagger and she hands it over. He says he can now command Dark Emma to put the sword back together and free Merlin. He orders her to appear and nothing happens. Snow tells him the dagger isn’t real and voila! here’s David. He says he knew something was up with Arthur who “tried to trick [him] with a catchy title and a comfy chair.” (Another Monty Python reference.)

Hook tells Emma to quit talking to Rumpel in her head and get on the horse. They ride off, but Emma is still seeing Rumpel watching them.

Arthur looks like someone took his last piece of Halloween candy, and Snow thinks he’s unusually quiet. That’s because Gwen and a whole lot of knights show up to set him free. Gwen, still under the sand’s spell, tells the knights to take Lance to the dungeon, and uses the last of the sand on Snow and David. Meanwhile, Merida from Brave shows up at Lance’s cell.

Snow and David tell Regina to bring the dagger out of hiding and give it to Arthur, as it’s their best chance to help Emma. Emma and Hook frolic in the forest, and Rumpel is nowhere to be seen, even by Emma. Nice crane shot of Hook and Emma embracing in a field of roses.

Dark Emma has Mr. Gold (Storybrook Rumpel) held prisoner. She also has Merida handcuffed to a Volkswagen. (Didn’t seem all that weird up until now, right?) Dark Emma steals Merida’s heart and tells her to take her bow and make Mr. Gold the brave guy she needs.

The Walking Dead

We begin by seeing how Enid got to Alexandra. We see her in a car, writing “JSS” on the window; escaping to a forest, where she writes “JSS” in the dirt; and then eating a turtle. I’m not kidding, I’m watching her eat a turtle right now. She makes another “JSS” out of its bones. She gets to the gate at Alexandria, writes it in the dirt on the back of her hand, someone opens the gate, and she enters. Okay, I give up already. (BTW, no turtles were harmed in the making of this episode – it didn’t just taste like chicken, it was chicken.)

Maggie wants Deanna to help plant a garden in the safe zone and finish the wall. Eugene and Tara meet the new doctor, Denise, who is really a psychiatrist and scared out of her wits. Tara says she’s been feeling dizzy, so Denise takes a look at her for an easy start to her new profession.

Carl (where’s he been?) is pushing baby Judith in a stroller. Father Gabriel interrupts his walk, telling him that he was wrong and wants to learn how to fight the zombies. Carl tells him to come by later and they’ll start with the machete.

Carol is busy cooking, and probably cooking something up in her head, when she sees Shelly having a smoke out on the lawn. Suddenly, a guy comes out of nowhere and kills Shelly with a machete. Is Carl prophetic? Maggie and Deanna see that part of the wall is on fire and someone is climbing over it to the outside. They come across a body that’s been set on fire. A load of crazies start to wreak havoc, chopping people up and writing “W” (for Wolf) on their foreheads in the blood. I don’t know what’s going on. Civil unrest or something else? A gigantic truck drives right into the church and if that truck horn doesn’t stop in about 5 seconds, I’m going out of my mind and joining the Wolfs. Thank you, Morgan, for poking that zombie in the head who’s leaning on the horn.

Chaos is everywhere in Alexandria. A guy who looks like he’s from Deliverance tries to attack Morgan with an axe, but Carol comes from behind and gets him first. She puts a “W” on her forehead too, and disguises herself as one of them.

Holly has been badly injured, but Denise is afraid to try and operate on her. Eugene tells her she doesn’t want to be a coward. And he oughtta know. Denise bucks up and asks for the supplies she needs. Ron is almost attacked by a Wolf, but Carl shoots him (the guy, not Ron). The guy acts all feeble, but when Carl gets closer, he tries to grab Carl’s gun. Bad move because Carl is a serious badass and finishes him off. A Wolf gets into Jessie’s house and knocks her down, but not out. Jessie stabs the sh*t out of her with a pair of scissors as Ron walks in. If he’s not traumatized for life and beyond by now, he never will be.

A Wolf, who obviously knows Gabriel, tries to kill him, but Morgan intervenes. Carol gets to the armory and grabs as many weapons as she can. She also finds Lydia hiding in a closet and tells her to arm herself. Just as the dude who knows Gabriel is about to explain things, Carol shoots him in the head. Thanks, Carol, since it might have been a good idea to find out what’s going on.

Some Wolfs surround Morgan and he fends every one of them off with a stick. I’d definitely want him on my team. He seems to understand more than he’s letting on. Certainly more than I do. He tells the remaining Wolf that if he keeps choosing this kind of life, he’ll end up dead, and the Wolf says he has no choice and takes off.

Commercial break. Into the Badlands looks awesome!

Carol sits on the steps, pondering a pack of cigarettes. I’m pondering if we’re ever going to find out what was up with that truckload of top-half zombies from last season. Aaron takes a pack of photos off the body of a Wolf and it looks like pictures of the Alexandria wall.

Holly flatlines. Tara tells Denise she tried, but Denise is pretty dejected. She wants everyone to leave, and Tara tells her not to forget to give Holly mercy. No, wait, that’s the other show. She tells Denise to make sure to stab Holly in the brain.

Now everyone is pondering what the blip just happened.

Enid has left Carl a note that says “just survive somehow.” JSS, which is coincidentally the name of tonight’s episode. Carol’s kitchen timer goes off and Carl takes the brownies out of the oven. Morgan seems to be on clean-up detail, and is finding straggling Wolfs who are now un-dead.  Oh no! Another Deliverance Guy is hiding and attacks Morgan He says “You can’t, can you? You should have.” Whatever that means. Apparently, he’s wrong about it though, and Morgan finishes him off. He does, however, apologize first.

Morgan and Carol pass like ships in the night. The streets are clear and quiet. Geez, Rick can’t leave these people alone for five minutes.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In

Teresa controls the Giudice family from the inside like a mob boss, but Joe is definitely stepping up as Mr. Mom.

Melissa picks up the kids for a girl’s day out, while the two Joes get together for a guy’s day. I don’t know if it’s going to be GTL (gym, tan, laundry), but it’s definitely G.  We see the girls getting mani/pedis, while the guys work out. Melissa tells Gia that if she needs a woman to talk to about anything, she’s there for her. In her individual interview, Melissa says that Gia is most like Teresa. She also says God never gives you more than you can handle. Although sometimes I wonder about that one. Joe and Joe give us TMI about what Joe is doing at night without Teresa. ♫ LA-LA-LA! ♫

Joe has had his license suspended for two years (this guy is really bad at breaking the law), and this is a real hassle right now. Teresa’s lawyer brings her diary. Teresa wants Joe to read it, and also the girls when they’re old enough. Teresa sounds like a real broad, breaking up prison fights and such. You go, girl! If you can’t beat the system, boss it around.

Teresa’s parents, along with Melissa and Joe Gorga, come by for Teresa’s phone call. I feel badly for her parents, who are probably mortified over this whole thing and no doubt want to throttle their son-in-law. Gia says Teresa actually looks better now.  I understand she’s gotten into yoga, so that’s probably a big factor. After the call, the family sits down to dinner and discusses plans for the 4th of July. Both Melissa and Joe Gorga have applied to be visitors at the prison, but apparently, this is a pretty long process. It’s taken Joe six months, and Melissa has yet to be approved. The thought crosses my mind that maybe Teresa doesn’t want her approved.

Teresa’s lawyer (who is getting a lot of air time) comes by to discuss Joe’s possible deportation. It seems outrageous. He’s lived here for 44 years and his parents are citizens for Pete’s sake.  He does say that Teresa and the girls would go with him should that happen. I know there are plenty of people who are like, good, but IMO, that would be tremendous overkill. The Giudices might be a pair of idiots, but I certainly don’t think they’re evil, and they probably didn’t do anything a million other people haven’t. Their real crime was getting caught.

This show should be subtitled “Teresa Checks In Repeatedly.” She says that there’s more drama in prison than on The Real Housewives. She also had to change up her gym routine because low flying planes kept coming by trying to take her picture. That is seriously crazy.

The family is going “down the shore” for the 4th. The girls go in Melissa’s car and the two Joes go together. Joe Gorga asks Joe Giudice if he thinks about the time when he has to take his turn in prison. He says he just doesn’t think about that stuff because it’s not happening yet. That’s one thing I admire about him and Teresa, their ability to not think about something. I will never have this talent as long as I live.

Gia is an amazingly mature kid. She seems more like a young adult than a moody teenager. Everybody is bugging her about future dating and she’s taking it in stride. Teresa checks in yet again while they’re at the shore house, but she gets cut off because her minutes ran out. A small discussion happens between Joe and the girls about daddy having to “go to work” when mommy gets home. While Gia has said that Milania knows what’s going on, Audriana is too young yet.

Milania makes some coffee for herself, but Joe says that’s a no. Teresa checks in one more time. The girls pass the phone down, each say a little something, and when it gets to Joe, Teresa asks him to take the phone into another room. Because Gia sent out a tweet for her, Teresa’s room got shaken down. They thought she might have a cell phone and they even checked in places that most people can’t put a cell phone. Thug life!

Joe’s gotten pretty good on his bicycle. Who knows? Maybe he’ll get in shape yet. He bikes over to Angelo’s, a restaurant managed by cousin Reno. Some guy, probably another cousin, talks about going to prison himself for running numbers or something. Joe says he had that opportunity, chose not to do it, but is still going to jail. Ah, the little ironies of life. Numbers Guy talks about what it’s like on the inside. He said the hard part for him was after he got out and came home to nothing. Oh Lord. He just said the old adage that whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Then how come I’m not dead or bench pressing 500 pounds? Angelo. The guy’s name is Angelo. I guess he owns the restaurant. You could probably yell, “Hey, Angelo!” in that restaurant and half the heads would turn.

The text at the end tells us that two months later, the shore house was repossessed.

I’m not what you would call a softie, but I feel sorry for this whole family. They ripped off a bank. Banks have been ripping us off for years. I honestly think they’re being made an example of because they’re reality “stars” and it just doesn’t seem right to me. They were certainly stupid, but if stupidity were a crime, we’d all be in the slammer. I hope Teresa makes a million bucks from her book just for spite.