What I Watched Today
(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)
Jason and Elizabeth see each other at the gala. Elizabeth says she’ll leave, but Franco comes along and says if anyone should leave, it’s Jason. Elizabeth tells Franco he must have wanted to see her humiliated, but he says he’s probably the only one who doesn’t want to see that. Obrecht is delighted to see Franco, and tells Elizabeth it’s mandatory to attend the gala or she’ll be working a double-shift on Christmas.
Sam shows up in a Moto jacket and jeans. Maxie asks if she’s making a statement, and she says no, she just wants to get the check to Alexis and get out. Christina and Molly make stupid poses as Dillon takes pics.
Ava is looking at the stuff for the silent auction. Paul comes up behind her and says he wants to place a winning bid, but I don’t think he’s talking about the auction. She asks if he’ll escort her to the gala.
Sonny is on the phone talking about a guy at Ava’s art gallery. Carly comes downstairs in a magnificent navy blue sparkly dress and chandelier earrings. She tells Sonny he best get ready for their first event as newlyweds, but he says something came up.
Jerry tells Patrick that Robin was shot before he got there and he has the picture to prove it. I’m not buying this in the least. I think Henrico and Robin faked the photo. It looks awfully staged.
Paul says that escorting a known criminal isn’t good for the DA’s image, so he and Ava will have to keep things “under the covers” for now. They make a date to meet later.
Tracy tells Nina you have to watch out for the Jeromes, since they always have a hidden agenda.
Alexis tries to get Sam to stay, but she says the first people she saw were Jason and Elizabeth, so no thanks.
This is probably needless to say, but everyone looks fabulous in their formalwear.
Sam tries to cut out. Alexis tells Julian she’s going through a rough time and they have to be supportive. Laura sees Sam and says she wants to apologize.
Jerry says not his fault. It was all Helena’s doing. Patrick says Robin knew she was going to die from what she said during their last phone call. Jerry is such a tool, he tries to blame the Scorpios for not looking for Robin hard enough. Anna and Patrick are basically chatting and I’m wondering why someone isn’t pummeling Jerry.
Sam tells Laura no worries; she knows Laura had her reasons.
Michael tells Sabrrrina that he’s concerned about something Sonny said regarding Carrrlos.
Jason tells Monica he wants to give Carly back her phone (what’s he doing with her phone?), but he thinks she’s hiding from him so he’ll stay longer.
Julian asks Sam to stick around because he wants to talk to her and her sisters.
Tracy makes a little speech about Toys for Tots and introduces Paul. Paul is waiting in the wings and gets an envelope with panties and a hotel key in it. He shoves the panties into his pocket, so I’m sure this will cause an embarrassing moment later.
Sonny says he’s having Ava checked out and he’s waiting for his calls to be returned. Carly says she knows why he’s not going and it has nothing to do with work.
Paul talks about the gun amnesty program and how Monica has offered a thousand dollars per gun turned in. He says he hopes Monica has her checkbook ready since 99 guns have already been turned in. Paul thanks Tracy for welcoming him back into her life again. Rico Suave!
Sonny says if he can nail Ava, he can turn around the custody case. Carly thinks he just doesn’t want to go because he’s in a wheelchair. He says when he can dance with her, he’ll go out with her. She says they’ve had a few turns at first man and wife dances, but the fifth one will be the best.
Julian tells the girls that he wants to propose to Alexis, and asks their permission.
Sabrrrina is with Felix and the toys. She’s pretending she’s been recruited to help, but she’s really hiding from Michael.
Monica asks Michael if he has a sonogram picture. He just happens to be carrying it in the pocket of his tux. She looks at it and says there’s something wrong.
Laura tries to apologize to Jason, but a drunk Elizabeth interrupts. She says she hopes Laura has more luck with forgiveness than she did and tells him Laura was in on the deception.
Robert wants to know where Robin’s body is. Anna says they’ll kill Jerry slowly if he doesn’t comply. Two guys with guns come in and Jerry tells them to show them Robin’s body and then kill them. Um…Anna and Robert have guns too.
Sam tells Julian he has her vote. Christina says she’s in too. Alexis comes by and Christina says Molly was arguing with him. Alexis is like, oh come on now. Molly says Julian needs to come clean and works her “yes” into the conversation. She tells Alexis she hopes Alexis loves Julian enough to accept what he’s going to tell her.
The girls say “hi” to Carly and Sam sees Jason across the room with Elizabeth and Laura. Christina says Sam looks a little sad and Sam says it will take time to get over everything and she’s got to go.
Elizabeth tells Laura to take some of the burden of Jason’s rage. Laura apologizes to Jason for not telling him who he really was and he says she can make it up to him by not letting Elizabeth drive home.
Carly tells Jason he’s clearly not having a good time and she releases him from his duty as a guest.
Monica wonders why Sabrrrina hasn’t said she’s further along.
Sabrrrina tells Felix her worries about Michael. Felix says there’s no way he could know about Carrrlos being the baby’s father and he must have wanted to talk about Sonny getting shot. A Santa comes into the room with more toys and Felix leaves. I’ll bet I know who that Santa is. And I’m right. It’s Carrrlos!
I can’t believe the Scorpios just put down the guns without an argument. Anna causes a little disruption as the gunmen are leading them out and Robert gets his gun back. Jerry curses them out and basically runs.
Carrrlos tells Sabrrrina he’s leaving the country with a new identity and that he wanted to see her one more time. He gives her the information to find him. Michael knocks at the door.
Christina visits Sonny (that was a quick party!). He’s looking at photos and she asks if he’d like company going down Memory Lane.
Paul tells Tracy he has something to give her after the gala. Dillon takes their picture and Paul gets a phone call. It’s Ava asking if he got her gift and asks him if he’d like to know the room number that goes with the key. Of course he does, and she tells him not to be too long.
Obrecht tells Nina she’s her only niece and she wants to make peace. Nina is okay with that and tells her Merry Christmas.
Alexis is going buggy, wondering what Julian wants to tell her. He suggests they go somewhere else.
Ever understanding Laura tells Elizabeth that she recognizes that Elizabeth was hurting and wanted to hurt others. Save it for Dr. Phil, Laura.
Sam is having a drink somewhere private and Jason sees her. She says she wanted to be alone, but he doesn’t go anywhere.
Paul goes to Ava’s hotel room where she has a romantic atmosphere with candles going on.
Tracy toasts to the gala’s success. Monica thanks Carly for getting Jason to come. Carly congratulates her on becoming a great grandmother.
Carrrlos says ho-ho-ho to Michael and Michael says he’ll take it from there and gives Santa Carrrlos a tip. Not sure what that was about. Michael tells Sabrrrina they have to talk about the baby.
Julian says he wants to talk to Alexis privately and she asks if it’s that bad. Julian says a bunch of romantic stuff. He says that when she asked him to get his life together, he realized she wanted him to be the man he was when they first met. He gives her a bunch of compliments and says he changed for her because he couldn’t imagine life without her. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life making things up to her and asks her to marry him. She says no. Just kidding. She says yes. More romantic stuff and they kiss.
Christina tells Sonny there are no pictures of the two of them. He tries to sound hip and says some stuff about her putting them on Facebook and the pics going viral. She takes a picture of them with her phone.
Elizabeth thanks Laura for not giving up on her. My, she sobered up quickly. Laura says she wants to find Sam so she can properly apologize. Elizabeth says she doesn’t see Jason either. Geez, give it a rest.
Jason apologizes to Sam for not believing her. He says he should have shown her the same faith and respect that she showed him. Sam asks if he feels he would have been better off not knowing and he says no chance. He says he doesn’t see her ring and she says she and Patrick called it quits. She says she loves Patrick, but not the way she loves him.
Tomorrow, India Arie will be performing and Carly and Elizabeth tangle.
I just love that slo-mo stuff in the intro. Not the song so much though.
Ariana tells Katie and Scheana that Peter is planning a guys’ trip to Vegas the day after her birthday. She thinks that the trip “reeks of Jax and Peter,” since they’re both freaking out over having serious girlfriends.
Peter asks Lisa for time off to go to Vegas. Lisa reminds them of the trouble they’ve had every time they go there, including Jax getting a girl pregnant. Lisa wonders why the two of them would want to test themselves, since they’re both in serious relationships. She forbids them from inviting Shay.
James tries to talk to Lala, who hasn’t spoken to him since he rolled in the hay with Lauren. He tells her about the girls getting something together for Ariana’s birthday and it looks like she wasn’t invited.
Ariana tells Tom that she didn’t invite Lala, Kristen or James to the party. Tom says it seems like she’s not too keen on the guys going to Vegas. In the meantime, Schwartz is trying to convince Katie it’s not a guys’ trip; it’s just a birthday celebration for Peter. Neither Ariana nor Katie want the Toms going to Vegas. Tom tells Ariana he loves her smile and Ariana asks for “macaroni with that cheese.” Ha-ha!
While they’re setting up for Ariana’s birthday party, Peter is telling Tom about how they’re going to be playing with real bulldozers in Vegas. Huh? Tom suggests he keep the plans on the down low and not take attention away from Ariana today. Katie tells Peter’s girlfriend that she’s not appreciating the Vegas trip.
For the party, Ariana is dressed like a Japanese Anime unicorn. Okay. Jax is wearing a seriously stupid giant cowboy hat. The guys are in the kitchen discussing the trip. Tom says he wants to talk to Ariana about the trip, but Schwartz says maybe now is not the best time since she’s having fun on some kind of acrobatic equipment.
The party has a carnival flavor. Ariana says she’s reaching back to her childhood and brining in all the cool stuff she remembers from parties and adding “performance enhancing drugs.” By that, I think she means tequila.
Schaena tells Faith she’s sorry she couldn’t pay much attention when Faith was hired, but she was going through a lot of stuff. She says she feels badly that Lala wasn’t invited, and that she likes Lala, but is having a hard time convincing Katie and Ariana to like her.
Schwartz tells Katie he’s going to Vegas and she starts to cry. Katie says their relationship is the biggest thing in her life, but it seems like it’s not a priority to Schwartz. She says she’s tired of being the one who has to bend in the relationship. Schwartz says after this trip, there will be minimal bending. I tell her to get used to it.
Ariana and Katie discuss the guys going away. Ariana says she’s trying to make a fun day, but she misses her father who passed away a couple of years ago. I can totally understand where she’s coming from. She says she doesn’t want Tom going away right now because she doesn’t want to be alone. She starts to cry and Scheana comes over. Katie says it’s okay to cry and that she cries during The Price is Right. I’d be crying because I was desperate enough to watch The Price is Right.
The cake comes out covered in sparklers. Ariana says she’s always wanted an epic birthday party and today it’s happening. Tom asks her if she had fun and she says it’s possibly the best birthday ever. She says that every year her father would give her Lou Gehrig’s speech on her birthday, and tell her that the day she was born was the best day of his life. She says it’s hard to talk about and she feels like a wimp crying. Tom says he’s always going to be there for her. He tells her that Peter has set up a construction yard with bulldozers for the guys in Vegas. Ariana says there’s no point in continuing the discussion because he’s never going to get it.
The guys leave for Vegas with Peter driving. Tom says he’s gone back and forth, but he hasn’t given Ariana a reason not to trust him. In his individual interview, Jax mentions Miami Girl and we flash back, but I always thought that smelled of a set up. Someone farts. I missed who it was, but it was probably Jax.
Lala asks Faith how the party was. Faith says it was great, but she missed Lala. Ariana and Katie join them, and Ariana gripes about the extra work with the guys gone. Lisa comes in and asks about the birthday party. It’s obvious that Lala wasn’t invited, and Ariana says she only wanted to invite close friends because it was her 30th. Ariana shows a video on her phone to prove other people weren’t invited. In her individual interview, Lala talks about feeling left out and doesn’t get why people treat her mean, even though she knows she’s hot. I could think of a few reasons.
Lisa suggests the girls go out and have fun to teach the guys a lesson. She says she wouldn’t come home until the morning and wouldn’t answer her phone. She tells them don’t get mad, get even.
The construction place is called “Dig This.” The manager gives them a breathalyzer first. Peter is concerned that there might still be alcohol in their systems from the party, but they all pass. Jax says it’s the first time he’s passed a breathalyzer. How many DUIs does he have and why does he still have a license? Yep. It’s a fake construction site where everyone puts on hard hats and bulldozes things.
OMG – coming up is Jax showing his plumber’s crack. Really his whole nakey behind. No thanks.
The guys go to the casino for some gambling and drinking. Tom says he loves the energy of Vegas. I’ve never been there, but I don’t think it would be my scene. I went to Atlantic City once to see Barry Manilow (quit laughing) and I had the feeling Barry didn’t want to be there either.
Oh Lord, we have to see Tom’s bare behind too? And there goes Jax, dancing half nakey in the window. Now he’s pretending to pee on the electrical outlet. We should be so lucky. Tom calls Ariana, who tells him the girls are having a pajama party. He says he misses her. In her individual interview, she says she misses him, but realizes she has some good friends she can talk to. Another one who needs to get used to it.
James tells Ariana that he’s pissed about Jax hanging out with Kristen and now chatting up Lala. Lisa asks Ariana how she’s holding up and she tells Lisa bout her dad’s death and how she misses him during milestone events. Lisa asks why she doesn’t talk to Tom about it and she says she doesn’t want to come off as needy. Lisa says honesty is necessary in a relationship.
The girls get together at Scheana’s place. They play some question game that has to do with sex. Are there any question games that don’t have to do with sex? Ariana and Katie talk about how awkward it was talking about the party with Lisa and Lala not being invited. Scheana calls Lala and asks her if she wants to come over. Lala says she’s just about to turn in, but Scheana says she lives close by and they’re all in pajamas anyway.
The guys are drinking at the disco. Or what looks like a disco. Peter says he’s at the point in his relationship where not cheating is meaningful. Bleh.
Lala gets to Scheana’s. They take videos of the girls kissing and sends them to the guys. Lala makes noises about being bi-sexual. I think. She’s talking in riddles. The guys get the videos and send back a pic of Schwartz and Tom giving each other a peck on the lips, and afterward wiping it off. Jax says they’ve passed every test and now if they just go to bed alone, they’ll be fine.
Somehow, they all end up back at the suite, bringing only take-out back with them. Schwartz gets on Facetime with Katie. Katie says there wasn’t any time she didn’t trust him, but she’s not so sure about strange girls. Ariana seems cool with everything now too.
Tom suggests they go back to the casino and ruin everything. He says that everyone knows there’s that time in Vegas when you need to put your winnings in your pocket and walk away, but now is not that time.
Next week, Scwartz talks about doing something stupid and Kristen claims to not be a crazy bitch any more. I’m sure the latter is up for debate.
This Week’s Quote from the Vanderpump Rules After Show
That never happened…It might have happened. Jax, referring to getting nakey on the Vegas trip.