What I Watched Today
(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)
Franco is showing Nina how real things can be. I’ve decided that’s my new euphemism now.
Dante sees Morgan on the docks. He claims he’s looking for some solitude. Morgan asks if Dante is up to police business, but he says he’s going to The Haunted Star party. Morgan thinks showing up unannounced might be a bad idea.
Johnny is trying to show Lulu how real things are. Lulu stops mid-clinch and says she’s still married, and this would be cheating. Johnny asks if Dante would feel the same way.
Spinelli and Ellie show up at The Floating Rib and see Sam and Jason almost being real. But of course that witch Elizabeth has to call right at that moment. Okay, maybe she does have a reason, since there are flashing red lights outside of her house.
Elizabeth says Jake had a scare, the police are there and she’ll explain everything when Jason gets there.. Wah-wah-wah. Jason says he has to go. Spinelli, Ellie and Sam have a shot. The alcoholic kind.
Franco and Nina suddenly notice Kiki is home. Kiki says she got home early and was going out to party with her friends, but decided to spend a quiet evening at home. Suddenly, she changes her mind (good move) and wants to go to The Haunted Star. She leaves. Franco wants to pick up where he and Nina left off, but Nina decides to make a sandwich.
Lulu says revenge sex isn’t the answer. Johnny says why not, but Lulu says even if she was going to do that, she’d do it with someone Dante could find out about. Good point.
Dante tells Morgan he’s kind of a train wreck when it comes to relationships. Morgan says that’s why he can give advice on what not to do. Dante says he thinks he should be spontaneous with Lulu.
Johnny talks Lulu back into being real. How come those pics of him and Valerie haven’t hit the internet yet?
Nina says that she’s never felt so loved, and Franco asks what she’s afraid of. She says she’s terrified that they’re going to ruin everything with sex. Seriously? Are we 15? Or even 25?
Spinelli says it was clear that Sam and Jason’s attraction for each other is back. Sam balks at the idea and says it was nothing. Spinelli says no way., but then kind of goes, well….
Jason gets to Elizabeth’s. Jake runs to him and he asks Jake what happened.
Lulu stops the realness again and says that Johnny dredging up old memories is confusing and not helpful. Dante knocks at the door. Lulu shoves Johnny somewhere and straightens up a little. She asks Dante why he’s there. He says he was lonely and needed to see her. This ought to be interesting.
Nina says what if it isn’t that great or she’s bad at it? She doesn’t want to risk the disappointment. She suggests maybe their time came and went, and she messed up by not taking it. Franco says what if the world ended and they were never together in a meaningful way and they would always regret it? He says he was waiting because he wanted it to be the right time, and he feels it’s the right time now. He says if she really thinks about it, she’ll agree. She says she doesn’t know what to do and he says do nothing, just be loved. Too bad things aren’t like this IRL.
Morgan is talking to himself and decides to have another beer. Kiki startles him and she asks if he’s been drinking. He says no, but she says she can smell it. He says he only had one beer. While I can vouch for this, it reminds me of the court shows when a litigant says they only had “a few beers.” This translates into they were drinking their face off and it never, ever fools the judge. I remember back in the day, Judge Wapner looking at Rusty, winking, and saying, “Yeah. A few beers.” Kiki asks if Morgan took his meds. He says not today and she tells him he can’t keep skipping them, and reminds him of his craziness at the cabin.
Eliie says she loves football because it’s the opposite of science and completely irrational. She says that although things like physics are involved in the game, it runs on emotions. Spinelli reminds Sam of when they looked at the stars and talked about Jason, and how things have come full circle. Sam says he’s imagining things. Spinelli says since Jason has discovered who he is, he and Sam have gotten closer, and as Jason discovers more of himself, he’ll discover his love for her.
Elizabeth says she was putting Cameron and Aiden to bed, when Jake started hollering that there was a man looking in the window. She says by the time she got there, he was gone and she called the cops. Yeah, right. I’m not sure Jason is totally buying this and I certainly don’t. Jake asks Jason not to leave.
Dante asks Lulu what’s going on. She says nothing; she just wants some privacy. She asks why he didn’t call first and he says he was afraid she’d hang up. He says he has some things he wants to talk about and she asks if it can wait. He says no, and she says go ahead, talk. Dante starts to talk, and then walks past Lulu into the room like he’s the boss. I would so be saying something if I was Lulu, but she just stands there looking startled. He asks what she’s been doing and I assume he sees the champagne glasses. How about none of your business, buddy? Oh, wait, he can’t hear me and wasn’t talking to me in the first place.
Franco and Nina are keepin’ it real.
Dante says he thought he heard Lulu talking to someone. She says she was talking to herself. She says she was taking a break from the party to have a cry. Dante says, so you weren’t with anyone? She tells him she owes him no explanations and I totally agree. He says he thought there was still something between them, and she says he thought wrong. He asks, who is it? Because the only other option for her other than being with him is to be with another guy. Man, I hate those assumptions.
Sam admits there might have been a moment or spark, but Jason doesn’t remember their life together. Spinelli asks if the attraction is “fortuitous” or not. I love Spinelli. He reminds me of Citizen Z on Z Nation. Or really vice versa, since Spinelli was here first.
Elizabeth acts her little heart out and tells Jake that Jason has to leave. Jake is all like, what if the bad man comes back and hurts us? and Jason says he’ll stay. I trust Jake about as much as I trust Elizabeth, which is not at all. That kid has looked suspicious since he came back from Cassadine Island or wherever the blip Helena was keeping him. He reminds me of The Bad Seed. He’s incredibly precocious and all of a sudden he’s acting like he’s an innocent toddler? No way.
Nina tells Franco how much she loves him and they get more real. Song part. I hate song parts. I hate them in movies too, unless they’re part of the plot. It’s one thing if the characters put a song on or are singing themselves, but this stuff is like, where is that music coming from and why? Their realness goes into the commercial break.
Commercial break. I don’t watch the dating reality shows – I can’t take the desperation – but the new guy on The Bachelor reminds me of Rob Kardashian when he’s thin.
Morgan says he still cares a lot about Kiki. She says she doesn’t want to lose him as a friend. He says she’s not, but she tells him if he keeps going the way he’s going, she will. She tells him she knows he doesn’t want to take his meds, but if he doesn’t, things will get scary. He says the meds make him feel dead inside and at least a beer makes him feel something. She says his condition is real and it’s not going away and it affects, not just him, but everyone around him.
Jason puts Jake to bed and Elizabeth says he can sneak out now. Jason says that he’ll stay so he’ll be there when Jake wakes up. Elizabeth says she wishes she had put what was best for everyone first while she had the chance. She tells him that she’s sorry. He says thanks and what’s done is done. She goes to get bedding for the couch.
Lulu tells Dante to get out before she calls the police. He says he is the police and she says it’s going to be pretty embarrassing then. Ha-ha! Dante picks up a pair of New Year’s Eve glasses from the bed, which is I guess what he saw. First of all, who does he think he is, snooping around her place? Secondly, how dare he be snooping around her place? I’m with Johnny. She deserves better than Dante.
The song is over and Nina and Franco are done with being real. Looks like things went well, because Nina wants to get real again.
Morgan tells Kiki she’s right, that he has to deal with his illness. Kiki says it will suck for a while, but eventually his doctor will find the right balance for him. His phone alarm goes off to tell him it’s time for his pill. He says he’s taking Kiki to a diner where she’s going to drink her coffee like a lady and he’s going to man up and take his meds. This is one of the rare moments when I like him. (The character, not the actor – Bryan Craig is great.)
Dante got a lot out of finding those glasses, since he gets pissed off and leaves. Lulu tells Johnny that Dante looked at her like he hated her and she wants Valerie out of the picture now. He says Valerie is going to get what she deserves. Good.
Sam, Spinelli and Eliie are having a beer now. Ellie suggests that Sam might end up not feeling the same way about Jason. Sam says maybe, maybe not. Sam says the same qualities she fell in love with must still be there.
Elizabeth tells Jason “happy new year” and tucks him into the couch. Not really, she gives him blankets and goes back upstairs.
Tomorrow, Robin wants her job back at the hospital, and it looks like Sabrrrina might be having her baby.
Schwartz visits Lisa for a mini meeting about the Sangria. She asks if he would like some water and he says he could use a Xanax. Lisa intimidates him, but I think it doesn’t take much. Lisa says Tom should also be there, but Schwartz is really there to show her Katie’s engagement ring. It’s beautiful. A pear shaped diamond. Schwartz tells Lisa to keep it a secret.
Tom and Ariana go to a tattoo removal place where Tom knows the manager. Kristen also knows someone there, so Tom is worried she’ll find out about it. Ariana says that this is the most grudge-bearing group she knows, except when it comes to Kristen and I agree.
The doctor says they have to wait because of some complication he has with the red ink. It’s going to cost a thousand bucks and, take 7 to 12 treatments over a year and a half’s time. The doctor also says he can’t go sunbathing or use a tanning bed in the meantime. I might add her first reaction to Tom asking about the tanning bed is, “Who does that anymore?”
“Think before you get ink,” Tom says. Um, yeah. How about just thinking period.
Jax, Scheana and Kristen are out for drinks. Lala is joining them later. They discuss the problem Tom has with Kristen coming to the joint birthday party for Jax and Tom. Kristen keeps asking if she’s invited and Jax can’t tell her no. Instead he says he’ll fight for her. Scheana says Kristen will show up whether invited or not, and he has to tell her not to even come near the event. What is up with that? Lala joins them and Kristen says if Lala wants to be friends with her, she shouldn’t’ be hooking up with her ex. Lala hugs Jax and Kristen almost has apoplexy. Jax invites Lala to the party in Wakiki. I’d hide the knives at this point. Why does this cuckoo bird want to go to a party where she’s not wanted? Lala and Jax flirt openly and steam comes out of Kristen’s ears. Obviously, even with her whole nine months of therapy, Kristen is as crazy as ever.
During prep time at SUR, Tom spills some Sambuca and he says it’s the worst liquor ever to clean up, sticky and pungent. Katie asks Lisa if Schwartz came up with any good ideas about the sangria and Lisa says not at all. Lisa makes a big show of scolding Tom. When Katie leaves the room, Lisa finds out that Tom knows about Schwartz proposing, and they talk about it.
Britney is in the parking lot, with her car full of her belongings. Jax says whether he wants it or not anymore, it’s too late. Britney is moving in. He says he’s excited about it, but it’s still kind of fast. Yeah, especially since he was out with Lala last night. Jax invites her inside SUR. In his individual interview, James predicts Britney will be gone by this time next year. Jax gives her the keys and tells her they’ll celebrate when he gets home.
Jax informs Lala that Britney is moving in. She says she thought they were just casually dating. Okay, I guess she’s really stupid. Lala tells James she was flirting with Jax, which doesn’t make him too happy, since he thinks she should be with him. Lala says she was invited to Jax’s birthday and James acts like he’s coming too. Another one who wants to be somewhere he’s not wanted. Is this a millennial thing?
Jax comes to the office for his paycheck. He tells Lisa about the Hawaii plans. Lisa says they never tell her as far in advance when they plan these trips. She heaves a sigh and asks who’s going. Jax says he wants to invite Lisa’s son, Max. Lisa isn’t too keen on it and says to just make sure everyone has their shifts covered. Jax says James will be there, since he’s not invited. Jax tells her about Britney and Lisa says it won’t take long for Britney to see through him.
Faith is at Lala’s place for drinks and pizza. Lala tells her she touched James’s peepee. I’m not kidding. That’s what she said. Faith asks what she even sees in him. That’s my question. Lala also says that she’d texted Jax at 3 a.m. and doesn’t remember. Faith says she likes Britney, but at the same time, she knows who she’s dating. What is wrong with people?
Katie and Scheana come over to Kristen’s place for a carbless, meatless lasagna. It’s not lasagna then. Kristen is hoping they’re on their way to being friends again. Kristen asks about Schwartz and Katie tells her about the tattoo. Scheana knows about the ring too and is having a hard time keeping it to herself. Katie and Scheana put words in Ariana’s mouth, saying she told them they can’t be friends with both her and Kristen. That’s not what she said. Another bunch with short term memory loss or who think that I have it.
Schwartz comes over to Tom and Ariana’s place with take-out. He and Tom talk about the surprise engagement ring presentation. He’s also brought his clothing over for Tom’s approval. They talk about when Schwartz first moved to L.A. and Tom found him under roommates on Craigslist. Tom has a little dog (a Pomeranian?) named Charlotte. Nothing to do with what’s going on; just giving cute dog alert.
James checks the schedule. James asks Lisa if he can have off too because of the Hawaii trip. Lisa asks him if he knows whether he’s invited or not, and reminds him of the fight he and Jax had. James keeps acting like he’s been invited without answering the question and takes a picture of the schedule. Meanwhile, Lisa keeps trying to get him to go back to work. James and Kristen are so freaking weird, I can’t stand it.
Tom creates a birthday dinner and drinks with the group to cover for Schwartz proposing. Schwartz says no one else knows because he didn’t want them anticipating the moment, but now he finds himself doing it. They talk about Britney coming out to L.A. all by herself and wonder where all her stuff is going to go in Jax’s studio. They also talk about the upcoming trip to Hawaii. Schwartz is downing beers like a maniac. The cue is when the entrees are cleared. Here it comes. I’m laughing at how nervous he is.
Schwartz looks like he’s about to pass out or throw up. He asks for another beer. OMG, some other guy is proposing to his girlfriend at another table. Talk about having your thunder stolen. Or is this part of the set up? Okay, it is. Schwartz goes over to the guy, interrupts things, and takes the ring. He brings it over to Katie and gets down on one knee, asking her to marry him. I have to admit, this is pretty clever. If I were her, I’d tell him no just for making me wait so long.
She says yes, and everyone applauds. Tom looks like a proud father. Some violinists pop out of nowhere to play background music. Katie calls her mom from the restaurant and sends an Instagram pic. They have a toast. Schwartz is ecstatic that nothing went wrong and says it’s a fairytale ending. Just wait, pal.
Next week, the guest list for Hawaii is firmed up and Britney tries to tame Jax.