What I Watched Today
(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)
Jordan sees Curtis you-know-where. That’s right, he’s eating at the MetroCourt.
Tracy is one the phone with Ned. I don’t know where she is, but it looks pretty good to me. She says she’s luxuriating and I believe it. She smells some weed (!) and gets off the phone. She doesn’t call it weed, but that’s what it is. The dude smoking is Larry Ashton in the next room.
Hayden says getting married is a huge step and she’s not sure she’s ready. Nicholas says she asked first, albeit to protect the company, and he’s not sure what’s changed.
Alexis is going over the lawsuit against the mayor. Julian asks why she’s going through with it, since Olivia is off the hook, and Alexis says she doesn’t want anyone else going through the same thing. She if he’ll address public breastfeeding in the magazine. He says sure, and somehow jumps from that to the conclusion that they should get married asap.
TJ is dropping Molly off at her mom’s and Christina interrupts their good-by kiss.
We see the last scene from Friday where Jason remembers Sam with him on a rooftop in the rain. She tells him it’s a real memory.
Commercial break. It’s that British woman asking if we’ll “go commando.” Please. I don’t want to think about those people sans underwear, k? Thanx.
Jordan asks Curtis if he’s following her and he asks how that’s possible since he was there first. She says she can’t enjoy her meal if they’re in the same room. She says she’d be happy to remove him from Port Charles altogether, but doesn’t have enough evidence…yet. He says what if he was following her?
Sam tells Jason that the colored lights he remembers were Chinese lanterns that she had set up for a romantic evening. She thought it was ruined by the rain, but that wasn’t the case.
Larry suggests he and Tracy catch up. He asks if she’s there on a second honeymoon with Luke. She says hardly; she’s there to get away from the trials and tribulations of Port Charles. She says he was part of them because he was in cahoots with Jerry Jax to take over ELQ.
Christina says that Molly might seem romantic on the porch, but Tj is never going to get any. TJ says it’s none of her business anyway and leaves. Christina tells Molly it was payback for telling their parents her business.
Alexis would like a church wedding. Julian asks who would marry them if he’s the groom? Alexis says she’ll figure it out.
Hayden says that Nicholas didn’t want to get married before, so she’s hesitant. He says he knows it would protect his shares, but he wants to for other reasons. He loves her and so does Spencer. He says they have something real between them even though they don’t know each other that well. He says he’s fascinated by the way she thinks and can’t wait to see what she does next, so he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. He says he’s offering more than a business proposal; he’s offering a marriage of equals. He talks about the island and I’m ready to marry him. She says she can’t, but then says she will. Laura walks in while they’re hugging.
Jordan asks Curtis what he’s after. She says he told her his job is finished, so why is he still there? TJ comes by, does a double-take and says, “Hi, Uncle Curtis.”
Larry says he’s seen the error of his ways and he’s a changed man. Tracy says he’s probably trying to swindle rich widows. He says he’s there to clear his head and try to figure out why he keeps doing the same wrong things over and over. He says he’s found a new life there. He says a return to nature heals both mind and body.
Laura asks if congratulations are in order and Nicholas tells her they’re getting married. Hayden goes to get some champagne to celebrate. Laura asks Nicholas what he thinks he’s doing.
Alexis says she wants all the wedding bells and whistles because this is going to be the last time. Julian says they’ll grow old and grey together. She says old maybe, but not grey. Ha-ha! Yeah, I don’t even know what my natural color is anymore. She says a bunch of romantic stuff, and that she wants everyone to see he’s a changed man. He says if it means that much to her, he’s in.
Sam takes Jason to the rooftop of the penthouse. He asks why they were having dinner up there. She says he was struggling with a difficult situation and she wanted to do something nice for him. She says it was pretty much a disaster, but he says it wasn’t. He says without the rain, he wouldn’t have had the memory and wouldn’t be with her up there now.
TJ asks if Jordan wanted to have their dinner there so they could all have dinner together. Jordan starts to talk but Curtis interrupts.
Apparently, Larry has shared his stash with Tracy and they’re having a rollicking good time. This is pretty funny. He asks what’s wrong with just having a fun time with someone, that it doesn’t have to be that deep, and she says maybe that’s what she’s been doing wrong.
Laura asks why Nicholas wants to marry a woman who’s been dishonest with him. She asks how he’s going to forget what he did to Hayden.
Christina and Molly argue and Alexis comes out to see what’s going on. She says they need to come in and help plan the wedding.
Jason says maybe he’ll remember more if Sam hangs out with him. She says he needs to find someone else to help because she can’t be the one who goes through this with him. What? She says she can’t be objective because it’s her life too. She says it brings up a lot of emotions for her and it might lead to expectations on her part. He says maybe she’s right.
TJ talks about school. Curtis asks if he has a girlfriend and TJ says yes. He says she’s a year behind him at PCU, and they started dating in high school. Curtis tells TJ he’s sorry he wasn’t there when TJ’s father died.
Alexis tells the girls she wants them to be part of the ceremony and be maids of honor along with Sam. Julian seconds that and the girls agree. Alexis asks Christina if she’ll be able to get out of classes.
Hayden calls Tracy and tells her about Nicholas proposing. Tracy finds this probably more amusing than she normally would and tells Hayden good work. She says Hayden doesn’t have to stay married to him long, that she’ll get ELQ and Hayden will get her freedom. She rejoins Larry and tells him she got good news.
Laura asks Nicholas id he’s sure it’s not his guilt talking. He says no, that’s not the reason he proposed and that he loves Hayden. Laura says an engagement doesn’t have to be short and he needs to think about what he’s doing. Hayden comes back and asks what they were talking about.
Larry asks where he and Tracy were before they were interrupted. Tracy comes back to reality, saying she took this trip to get away from con artists and that she’s regained her equilibrium and wants to get as far away from him as possible. Oh well.
Laura says she has to go, but the two of them should enjoy a celebration. She tells Nicholas to think about what they discussed and leaves. Hayden tells Nicholas they should set a date for the wedding.
Molly makes a smart remark about Christina being able to come and go as she pleases. She says she, on the other hand, has to go back to the dorm and study. Christina makes a snide comment about how she won’t be having sex at the dorm.
Sam says there’s a difference between making peace with who you are and chasing a life you don’t remember. She says his old life is her old life too, and this has to be about him. He says he’s been avoiding his past and it’s time for him to face it. Sam tells him to trust himself.
TJ says he understands why Curtis couldn’t be there when his father died, because he was helping people. TJ excuses himself and Curtis tells Jordan she raised a fine young man. She says she can’t control what Curtis does, but if he hurts TJ, he’ll have to answer to her.
Larry tells Tracy to relax and breathe the tropic air. She tells him to get lost, that she’s got her priorities straight and the only thing that’s going to help her is to get back what’s hers.
Hayden suggests she and Nicholas get married right away.
Jordan tells Curtis to let TJ believe his lies and tells him to promise he won’t break TJ’s heart by telling him the truth.
Christina takes a call outside, and Julian asks Alexis to explain sister drama to him. She says this was minor so she considers it a win. Julian says they should go upstairs and give their bed a blessing. Is that what we’re calling it now?
Christina is on the phone, obviously with a man, and says if he doesn’t say anything to her parents, she won’t say anything to his wife. The professor perhaps? Or maybe it’s Gilligan.
Jason says he’s recovering not just the memory but the feeling and emotion. He says he doesn’t want to stop until he’s finished now. Sam suggests hypnosis.
Tomorrow, Dante talks divorce and Lulu asks if Johnny wants her to help him break out of prison.
Jax tells Britney that if he wanted to have sex with Lala, he would have. Britney tells him to always be honest with her and he says he will…as he fiddles with his phone.
Drinking time! A couple of the guys are drinking from a beer bong. No good can come of this.
Lala has taken to her bed because she’s an a-hole who thought Jax would out himself. James, Max and Faith go to her room. She says she’s hit her breaking point. Um…she put herself there. Everyone warned her about this jerk too, so what is the deal? James starts taking off his pants and gets into bed with her. She tells him to beat it and everyone except Faith leaves.
Scheana asks to talk to Adriana. She apologizes for any inappropriate conversation, since she’s decided to make nice and apologize whether she means it or not. Sensing this, Ariana says it’s a backhanded apology. Scheana says that she believes Tom’s attitude has rubbed off on Ariana. Ariana tries to explain that their feelings were hurt. Scheana says that’s why she’s apologizing. Giving up at making her point, Ariana says okay and leaves. I honestly don’t get what Scheana’s problem is. Tom and Ariana seem like the most normal ones of the bunch.
Shay is getting shayfaced and Scheana isn’t too happy. She wants to talk to him about Ariana, so she’s not pissed that he’s drunk, just pissed that she can’t gossip.
Schwartz is disturbed that he and Katie haven’t had “fiancé sex” yet. Tom says that Scheana has put herself in the same realm as Kristen, trying to interfere with him and Ariana’s relationship. First thing in the morning, Scheana bugs Shay about the drinking. She says the first day was supposed to be about moderation. Didn’t happen. She moves quickly on to the latest on Ariana because it’s all about her.
Lisa calls Max who just woke up. It’s 10 am and Lisa is shocked he’s sleeping all day on vacation. She asks if he’s behaving and if he’s taking his medication. She tells him he can’t drink with it and don’t kiss anybody because he can’t get an infection either. Good morning, mum!
Everyone gathers for a surfing lesson. Jax wears his sunglasses. Don’t do it, bro! I lost a decent pair in a wave once. Lala is barely wearing a bathing suit and the other girls aren’t thrilled. Scheana asks her why she was upset the evening before. She says the way everyone was talking to her was not okay. Scheana says she was once that girl, the new girl at SUR, the one who everyone thought was a slut, and she brings up her dalliance with Eddie Cibrian. She says she’s now redeemed herself. Lala acts all hurt because she says she’s been “genuine” with everyone. She’s the kind of woman who disrespects other women and calls it honesty. She’ll work her way up to The Real Housewives of the OC in no time.
Back in Kristen’s Hollywood apartment, Stassi visits. We flash back to when Kristen slept with Jax (then with Stassi) and it wasn’t pretty. Looks like they’ve made up. They talk about Kristen’s break up with James and Stassi suggests she play the field. Stassi says she and her boyfriend went from zero to old married couple. She’s on a mission to rectify things with the friends she blew off.
Some dude was showing a sex tape she made to everybody, and she’s annoyed that Scheana helped pass it along and thought it was funny. She says if Scheana can take ownership of her inappropriateness (good luck with that), maybe they can be friends.
Ken and Lisa are hanging out at the infinity pool, which has one of those cool pink flamingo floats in it. She’s worried about Max. She wants to call him again, but Ken tells her – Giggy! – it might not be a good idea. She gets on the float and says it’s bliss. It looks like bliss and I wonder if they’d like to adopt and older child.
Schwartz is afraid of sharks eating him, but goes snorkeling with anyway. Jax gets a text from Kristen who says Stassi has come out of the woodwork. Katie says she wants to stay as far away from Stassi as possible.
Jax is trying to iron some outlandishly red pants. Jax tells Britney he saw her hanging out with Lala. She says they’ll never be best friends, but she’ll deal with Lala being around.
Drinking time! The group goes to whatever bar is convenient. The waiter suggests a spiked watermelon bowl that makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. It even looks disgusting. The talk turns to sex. Tom asks how James is doing in that area. In her individual interview, Lala says they attempted it once, but he was too drunk and on top of it, blamed her. No surprise since he’s a total d-bag. Whoa. Lala is wearing hoop earrings bigger than any I’ve ever owned, even all of them put together. James and Lala exchange some words about the unpleasant event and make it even more unpleasant. Not to put my shawl on, but I don’t remember everything being so unhappy when I was their age. And I never got a free trip to Waikiki.
The gang has decided to “get crazy” tonight. How this is different from any other night, I’m not sure. Tom takes Scheana aside. She tells him that he and Ariana have a better than everybody attitude. Tom says Scheana backstabbed them. Scheana says she’s apologizing. Tom says it’s a false apology and she sort of agrees. He asks her where she got her opinion that he’s manipulative at. He says funny too, that Shay says she’s manipulative. She says Shay is the king of not expressing himself and Tom says she intimidates Shay. In her individual interview, she says Tom should mind his own business and in his, Tom says he realizes that it’s getting nowhere so he’ll just try to be surface friends. Tom accepts her apology and they go back to the drinking.
Jax makes a toast to him and Tom’s birthday. (I meant that to be singular; it’s their birthday on the same day.)
Drinking in Hollywood! Stassi and Kristen meet at a bar. Did I mention they were drinking when Stassi visited? She brought two bottles of wine. Kristen tells her about Tom’s fight with Scheana. Kristen claims she’s over not being invited to Hawaii, but I don’t believe her for a second.
Kristen is calling new guy Kevin an Uber and Stassi chastises her for paying for boys. We’re on the same page there. It’s probably the only page we’ll ever be on together. Stassi says she was going to wait until after they were “a little drunky,” (are we five?) but she thinks Kevin has a serious live-in girlfriend. She stalked him on social media.
Kevin shows up, so too late to elaborate about that. Either that was a fast Uber or he was across the street. More drinks! Stassi brings up the girlfriend right away. Good for her. He says she’s an ex and he doesn’t live with her. He says it’s been on and off. He says he’d rather be on with Kristen, then contradicts himself by saying they shouldn’t rush things. Kristen says as long as they’re not on right now it’s cool. In her individual interview, Stassi says today’s appetizer is her tongue because she’s biting it.
Drinking in Hawaii! The gang is at a club to let loose, which is pretty much all they’re been doing on this trip. Britney makes it clear to Lala that she’s here to stay, it’s over for her with Jax and they should just be chill. In her interview, Lala says one day Britney will wake up. Meanwhile, Jax is telling everyone how in love he is with Britney. We’ll see. They party on.
Everyone wakes up with hangovers. My advice: have another drink. It’s nearly time to leave and Schwartz is still bummed about not having sex. Britney’s phone rings. Jax got arrested. It’s a felony and they’re supposed to keep him 48 hours. He stole a pair of sunglasses. Scheana wonders how much of an idiot he has to be. I wonder why she’s wondering since it’s Jax. Britney wonders what she’s going to do.
Scheana is like, this is a real trial by Jax fire for Britney. They call Jax’s mom to let her know what’s going on. They need eleven grand to bail him out and it starts to sound like a Brady Bunch adventure. Somehow Schwartz gets the bail money, they get him out and they’re on their way to the airport. Jax meets them there.
He tells Britney he got really drunk, walked into the store, said “I’m taking these,” and walked out with the sunglasses. He’s pretty embarrassed and cries in his individual interview, saying this isn’t who he is. I’m not going to make a joke, since it’s not even remotely funny.
Next week, Jax has repercussions and Stassi hits rock bottom. Maybe.