What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)
Hayden and Nicholas are basking in the afterglow. Hayden doesn’t want to get out of bed, but Nicholas says they have to get ready for the wedding.
Maxie wonders why Nathan is still working, and he says there is a lot of crime afoot and felons don’t look at social calendars.
Julian orders more champagne. How drunk are these people planning on getting before the wedding? He goes to open the bottle and cuts his hand.
Josslyn and Carly are having a bite to eat. Carly dances around Sonny’s employment, but Josslyn says she knows he’s a crime lord.
Sonny is alone in the church asking forgiveness for all the lies he’s telling his family. I guess killing people is okay though. Alexis and her bridesmaid daughters arrive at the church and find Sonny there. Alexis asks him what he’s doing there and he says to attend the wedding, but he’s wearing a tux, so isn’t that obvious?
Anna says they need to put out an APB on Sonny.
We revisit the scene with Paul, Dixon and the briefcase. Paul wants to inspect the goods before he hands the money over.
Nathan is changing at the station. He’s puts on his holster. Maxie asks if he thinks something bad is going to happen and he asks if she’s noticed who the groom is. She talks him out of taking it while I yell, “No!” at the TV. Maxie finds a woman’s white glove in the pocket of his tux and asks what’s up with that.
Hayden and Nicholas got busy again, so now they’re really running late. Hayden says it’s her first time out as a princess. This makes me feel a little sad, since I’m doubting she’s going to be one for long. While she’s dressing, Nicholas texts Sam and asks if there’s any news about Baxter.
Kristina (whose name I’ve been spelling wrong since I started this blog) is all happy about Sonny. She says the best wedding present she could give her mother was a truce between Sonny and Julian. The girls go to get ready and Alexis asks Sonny why he’s doing this.
Lucas comes to the rescue, getting supplies to bandage Julian’s hand. Julian says it’s a good thing he cut himself because it shows Olivia’s vision was noting major. Olivia wants to leave Leo with the sitter. She says something about it being past his bedtime, but I think she believes something bad is still going to happen.
Michael comes in and Anna tells him she has to talk to Sonny regarding a criminal investigation. He asks if his father is the subject of the investigation. Anna says no, but she doesn’t want the Corinthos people screwing it up. Too late. Morgan is on the loose.
Paul wonders why things are taking so long and Dixon says it’s the biggest shipment they’ve ever had. Dixon asks where he’s going to send the goods. Paul says he has the Jerome organization at his disposal and will easily be able to move them. The winch on the boat gets stuck and they’re going to have to bring the crates in by hand.
Paul calls Anna. He says that as soon as the money changes hands, that’s the signal for the agents to move in. Morgan is watching from a distance, but Dixon also sees Paul on the phone and asks who he was talking to.
Maxie asks why the glove is in Nathan’s tux jacket. He says it’s been a long time since he wore the tux. Maxie says it was the Nurses Ball, but he says Maxie had brought the wrong tux. He reminds her that he grew up privileged and has more than one.
Josslyn tells Carly that she thinks Sonny’s job is cool. She’s hoping he could come to her school for career day. Ha-ha-ha! He’d certainly be more interesting than the weatherman I saw at mine. Carly says it’s not cool and he’d only go if it’s for his coffee business. Josslyn’s friend, Kylie, calls about a sleepover and Carly tells her not to talk about their conversation to her friends.
Carly sees Kiki and asks if she’s seen Morgan. She says she knows what happened and that Morgan is still dealing with issues. She asks if Kiki can still be his friend. Ava pops in and says Kiki doesn’t need to do anything for Morgan.
Alexis questions Sonny, since he hates Julian. He says he’s doing it for Kristina. Alexis says is was disingenuous for him to let Kristina think she accomplished a truce. He changes the topic a little, saying that he knows something is on Kristina’s mind and he wants to be supportive. He gives his word that he’s not there for trouble. Alexis accepts that.
Michael says Dante has been asking questions about an arms syndicate. He says his father is a coffee importer and we all laugh hysterically. Anna is like, oh come on, and he says that Sonny wants nothing to do with arms smuggling, and that there won’t be any trouble from him. And actually, I’m not sure Sonny might have cared so much if Ava wasn’t involved and he didn’t want custody of Avery.
Paul tells Dixon he was talking to the authorities, giving me apoplexy.
Alexis finds roses, champagne and a card from Julian. She wants a moment alone, but first has a toast with her daughters. She says even though she’s marrying Julian she’ll always love them more and they’ll always be her true life partners. As it should be. Alexis needs to finish writing her vows, so the girls leave.
Olivia tells Sonny he’s the last person she expected to see. She’s wearing a dress with the coolest neckline ever. It’s hard to describe, but it has ridges kind of like the ones around a Reeses Cup.
Franco and Nina arrive. Franco says that churches freak him out, all the saints staring at him. Nina says he needs to get past that to get married in St. Patrick’s Cathedral. He says who said anything about marriage? What?! Don’t disappoint me, Franco.
Julian tells Kristina that he left Alexis a preview of his vows. She’s reading it, getting choked up while we trip down Memory Lane with Julian and Alexis flashbacks. This gives me time to eat some leftover Chinese food while watching. Stop ctying, Alexis, you’ll ruin your makeup.
Julian says he doesn’t remember seeing Sonny on the guest list. Sonny says you do things for your children you don’t do for anyone else. Yeah, like kill people.
Relief. Paul tells Dixon that he was giving misdirection to the cops.
Sam congratulates Hayden on her wedding (shouldn’t that be marriage?). Hayden goes off to do whatever and Nicholas asks if Sam’s found anything out.
Kiki picks up the message from Morgan. Since he told her where he is, why doesn’t she just tell someone? She grabs her coat and rushes out.
Franco says he wants to spend the rest of his life with Nina, but they just started getting it together and it’s moving fast. He says he never considered himself marriage material. She says they’re living together, so why doesn’t he want to get married? He says marriage ruins everything and says it way too loud. Everyone in the church turns to look at him.
Carly gets back to the house. Anna says Michael will fill her in and starts to leave, but Michael finds that Sonny’s gun box is empty.
Kiki texts Morgan to call her immediately. That’s right. Don’t get help. I bang my head against the wall.
Paul tells Dixon he’s made sure no one is going to ruin the deal. They hear Morgan being way too loud for a spy.
Carly says she spoke to the guards and anyone who took the gun must live there. That would be Morgan.
Dixon’s thugs root out Morgan. He’s hidden the gun and comes with them willingly.
Nina says she didn’t realize Franco felt so strongly and she wouldn’t want to ruin his life. He tries to backtrack, but she tells him not to dig himself in deeper.
Sam tells Nicholas she left Baxter a message.
Kristina asks if Hayden is going to change her name and Hayden says she never liked her name much in the first place. I’m not sure which name she’s talking about, her real name or Barnes.
Sam and Sonny talk about Shriners hospital. I hope they get some donations out of this. Lucas and Brad arrive. Lucas says he’s leaning on Brad for moral support Brad says he can do better than that, and shows him his divorce papers.. Lucas asks how he swung it, but Julian interrupts and it’s time to start the wedding.
I probably don’t need to tells you that you really could wear these bridesmaids dresses again. They’re absolutely gorgeous, strapless with a beautiful neckline in a hip violet blush color, simply designed with no giant flowers or bows hanging off of them. Oh wait, that was just Kristina’s dress. The others have different dresses, but no less stunning.
Wow, wow, wow! Alexis has a simple V-neck dress with a mermaid hem, but what I really love are the rhinestone straps and how they extend along the edges of the dress.
Anna asks why Morgan would take Sonny’s gun. Carly says he was recently diagnosed as bi-polar and she doesn’t think he’s taking his meds. Anna asks if he’s been violent, and Carly says no, but he’s been acting erratically and his decision making has been bad.
Sh*tshow on the way.
Morgan starts telling Paul how he shouldn’t be there because it’s Sonny’s territory and he heard them saying Sonny was weak, but they’re wrong. He says they’re making a big mistake and he’s there to protect Sonny’s interests. Paul says that’s highly doubtful and that Sonny probably doesn’t even know what’s going on. Dixon tells the thugs to get rid of Morgan, but Paul says that would be a mistake.
Back at the wedding, Sam reads one of Shakespeare’s sonnets.
Paul says Dixon doesn’t want trouble with Sonny and they should let Morgan go. He says he’s responsible for handling Sonny.
Carly asks Anna not to make it an official issue. Kiki calls Michael. She says Morgan hasn’t answered her texts or calls. Finally, finally, she tells him about Pier 54. The way such a crowd hangs out there all the time, you’d think it was Studio 54. Pretty soon there’s going to be a velvet rope at the entrance.
Dixon says it’s Morgan’s lucky night and to get lost. Morgan says screw you. Dixon pushes him and tells him to go while he has the chance. Morgan pulls out the gun and says nobody move.
Tomorrow, the wedding continues, Morgan threatens to shoot Dixon, and Raj threatens to get rid of Lulu. And I can’t wait to find out what happens at Pier 54.
Scheana, Ariana and Katie go lingerie shopping, and millions of guys suddenly pay attention to this show. Ariana says she and Scheana are sweeping their issues under the rug, but she’s rolling with it. Katie says she and Schwartz haven’t consummated the engagement yet, so she’s hoping to get that going with some new undies.
Kristen’s friend, Rachel, invites Scheana and Katie to her house in Palm Springs, but Stassi is also invited, putting a damper on things. Katie isn’t too happy about Schwartz inviting Stassi to the engagement party either.
They discuss Jax’s narcissism and how he told Tom he’s the number one guy in the group, proving that he’s really a 12-year-old boy in a 36-year-old man’s body.
James insists he’s the white Kanye West — which might be true if we’re talking about personality defects and an inflated sense of self-importance — and is making a Pump CD. Lisa asks if the song he made with Lala is going to be on it, but James says it’s complicated. He says part of him misses Kristen. Lisa says if there’s something destructive in your life, you have to get rid of it, and that includes Kristen and his drinking. He’s grateful to Lisa, and she says show it by being a grown-up.
Ariana calls Tom and tells him that Jax told Scheana the two of them are upset because no one wanted to talk about Tom’s band. Um…that’s so not what happened.
Tom is getting his tattoo removed and Schwartz says the only thing stopping him from getting rid of his is the scary tattoo removal machine. The removal instrument looks something like a stun gun. Tom says it’s literally a pain in the ass, and like a machine gun rubber band smacking you.
Stassi says all she does is sit on Kristen’s couch and drink, and that squatting is a talent she should have tapped into years ago. She’s looking for advice about approaching Katie. Kristen says Katie needs a little push and she’s hoping to manipulate things. Stassi has those grey hair highlights that I hate.
Jax says he keeps repeating things he swore he wouldn’t do anymore — petty fights, rushing into relationships, and being an a-hole in general. He says Shay must be unhappy too, considering his drinking habits. Jax is at the doctor’s office with Brittany and says boobs put him in a great mood. He plays with the implants in the examining room because he’s matured so much. She picks out a size. I sometimes wonder about Brittany. She’s constantly laughing and it makes me think she’s got something missing upstairs. Well, her just being with Jax makes me think that.
Scheana discusses Shay’s drinking with him. She says when he drinks, he drinks too much, and she doesn’t want to be his mom. He says she’s the only one who seems to notice and she says she’s the only one who counts since they’re married. Shay says it’s coming off like she’s calling him a loser and it’s bringing him down. They talk about having kids and moving back home. Wherever that is..
Jax visits Tom and Ariana. They’re getting rid of their couch and he’s there to help move it. He says the couch has a lot of history. I don’t want to know. They get it to the curb after a lot of struggling.
Ariana tells Jax about what Scheana said regarding his altercation with Tom. Tom says that’s not the way it went, but Jax is insistent that’s how he remembers it. Tom tells him to stop making everyone else look like crap to cover his own inadequacies. Jax seems to think Ariana’s influence is making Tom change. Tom says he’s been a good friend to all his friends and Jax is being ridiculous. Jax, who is not too happy, leaves.
Jax wonders who’s more excited about Brittany’s new boobs, him or her. He says that Brittany moving in with him is like getting pants altered, you can’t go back. He keeps talking about her like she’s not a human and it’s really irritating. The D’s are a success.
Peter asks Lala how she’s doing. She says she’s taken up reading books. I’m thinking Dick and Jane, but she claims to have read The Fountainhead. No doubt with a dictionary close by. She says it’s about architecture and I roll my eyes and rest my case. Peter tells her James got into an altercation with Richardson, the head server at PUMP, and it had something to do with him professing his love for Kristen. Lala says James’s drinking is off the chain.
Lisa comes in. Peter asks if she heard about the James thing and how he was insulting Richardson. Lala adds that’s how he gets when he drinks. Lisa says this isn’t acceptable. She says she doesn’t care if Kristen was the catalyst, James needs to get some control. She says she’s not going to let Richardson be disrespected by a little pipsqueak. Leave it to Lisa to find the perfect description for James.
Brittany is recovering from surgery and Jax has to help her do everything, including going to the bathroom. Katie and Schwartz come over. There’s some boob discussion and Katie asks if Jax is coming to their beach party. The engagement pictures are also going to happen there. Katie has decided to invite Lala, ending the not inviting each other competition.
The beach party begins. Katie has very specific vision for the pictures. She has a scenario from some movie where she’s going to “rescue” Schwartz from drowning. At least it’s not the typical deal.
Tom and Ariana start to talk about Jax to Scheana and Shay, but Jax shows up at that moment. He tells them about James. Scheana says all she knows is that Lisa is meeting with both James and Richardson..
Lisa tells Richardson that James will be remorseful and begging, so be ready. Lisa says James has been texting her non-stop apologies. James comes in and says he’s embarrassed. He says Kristen threw her new boyfriend in his face, they started arguing, Richardson intervened and it escalated. Richardson and Lisa talk in French about James’s drinking. Richardson tells James the ratchet things he said. Lisa says this is a pattern and maybe he isn’t ready for the PUMP job. James claims he had an epiphany. Lisa starts to talk and James unwisely interrupts her begging for just a suspension. She tells him to go away and grow up. He asks about the PUMP CD and she says that’s not important right now. She understands he’s remorseful (and crying like a big baby), but maybe this is a lesson for him. She tells him she wants him back to busing tables at SUR a few days a week. He apologizes to Richardson again and leaves. Richardson says Lisa has given James a lot of chances, and she says more than he deserves.
At the beach, Jax wonders where James is. Lala says she’s confused by the men at SUR who need to be glued to a woman while constantly cheating on her. Ariana brings up Kristen wanting to get into sketch comedy. In her individual interview, Ariana says Kristen is a joke, but she doesn’t make jokes. She also says she takes comedy very seriously which makes me laugh. Ariana doesn’t think Rachel’s jokes are funny, even though she’s never seen her show. She thinks that if Kristen is so interested in sketch comedy, she should take a class. Katie calls Ariana on her attitude. Ariana says she’s been faking having a good time with them. Scheana is annoyed with that. I like Ariana, but I’m kind of annoyed too. She kept harping about this taking a class business, and while that’s always a plus, I don’t think it’s necessary. Either you have a flair for entertainment or you don’t, and the audience seemed to be reacting positively to Kristen’s act.
Here comes James with new addition Laurel. Max is also with him. Peter asks what happened with James. He says he got fired from PUMP and the CD is on hold. He says he doesn’t blame anyone, even Kristen. Speaking of which, guess who’s here?
Jax, who can never wait to gossip, tells Kristen what Ariana said about her being in sketch comedy. Since Kristen can’t keep a lid on it, she tells Rachel immediately, and they confront Ariana. Ariana says sorry, she doesn’t think Rachel’s jokes are original. Kristen says Ariana isn’t a stamd-up comic and they argue. Tom adds his two cents. Kristen says Ariana is negative. Tom says Kristen only got back in the group because she’s been ass-kissing. Kristen says she doesn’t need this and screw you.
Everyone watches the sunset. Jax talks to Peter, saying he hasn’t seen one like that since Hawaii. Then he talks about not knowing what the consequences of his Hawaiin shopliftng adventure will be. He knows that his behavior is stupid, and wonders why he acts the way he does, and if he can change. He says even when it doesn’t concern him, he needs to be the center of attention and he doesn’t feel validated unless he’s being talked about. He ponders the possibility of losing his friends and how he doesn’t have anything else. This is actually a little sad.
Next week, Katie rage texts Schwartz, James tells his mother about being fired and Stassi has a surprise visitor.
Yay! The Vanderpump Rules After Show is back! Brandy and Julie are the best!