March 21, 2016 — GH & Vanderpump Reunion Part One


What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Curtis gives Valerie a kiss goodnight.

Jordan tells Dante the hearing is a spectacle and he should stay away. He says he’s going to support his mother.

Carly tells Olivia about the mayor’s extortion using the health department against the hotel. She says Olivia either drops the lawsuit or the MetroCourt stays closed. Since that’s the only place anyone ever goes to eat, drink or be merry, maybe they can stage a protest using all breathing citizens of Port Charles. A BLT from Kelly’s will only go so far.

Griffin says he’d love to have dinner with Brad and Lucas. In the meantime, he’d like a look at Tracy’s test results.

Dillon calls Ned to come home.

Tracy had a dream that Alan was waiting for her. Monica says it’s just the medication, but Tracy says it’s a message from her subconscious that she’s dying.

Dillon tells Ned they’re getting the results today. One doctor thinks it’s cancer and the other thinks it’s something else, but either way, she’s bad.

Tracy says she has spots on her brain and seizures, but there’s pudding, so it’s not all bad. She tells Monica she needs to prepare for the worst and so does Monica. Monica says she’s not going to let Tracy die. Tracy says she doesn’t want to end up a vegetable.

Griffin says Dr. Mays is a good doctor, but over time even a good doctor can become less curious and more rigid. Uh-oh, Dr. Mays caught Brad giving Griffin the test results. Why did they do that in the hallway?

Dante sees Curtis and Valerie. They tell him about the grand they just won.

Julian shows up at the hearing. Molly and Kristina start talking about Crimson, but Julian has no clue what’s going on with the magazine.

Nina is getting a call from Barbara Walters’s people for an interview. No surprise, the whole Crimson thing is going through the roof and trending on social media. Dante shows up and Maxie tells him the thousand dollars has already been claimed, but there are other prizes to be won. He says he’s there for her and shows her a pair of handcuffs.

Carly says she can get Sonny’s help, but she wanted to check with how serious Olivia is before calling a garbage and sanitation strike. Oh, is Sonny in that business too? Wink-wink.

Dr. Mays tells Brad it was a bad move throwing in with the new guy. Griffin says they all have the patient’s best interest at heart. Dr. Mays says they’re both going to be fired.

Monica says don’t give her that responsibility when Tracy has two sons. Tracy says she knows Monica will do the right thing and not get all sentimental. Monica leaves and sees Dillon in the hall. She says Tracy is just being Tracy. Dillon says Tracy might not say it, but she loves Monica. Monica says she doesn’t know how it happened, but she came to love Tracy too. They hug and the now out of bed Tracy tells Monica to get her hands off Ned.

Dante tells them they were littering. Nina says it’s journalism and free enterprise and Maxie tells him that they have their own clean-up crew on it. Nina says she called because they’re a victim of corporate espionage. Dante says that’s not in the PCPD jurisdiction; it’s Federal. He leaves and Curtis says it’s in his jurisdiction though.

Carly tells Alexis a garbage strike will be effective. Alexis says what she wants to do will be legal. Lomax approaches Carly and says she’d hate to see the MetroCourt lose its five-star rating. Carly says she doesn’t think it will come to that.

Alexis says she has another solution, but she needs Carly’s help to make it happen.

Tracy keeps talking like Dillon is Ned. She snaps out of it and apologizes.

Nina says she remembers Curtis from New Year’s Eve. Valerie says he used to be in law enforcement. Curtis says he can go places and do things the regular police force can’t and the Feds won’t take a case unless it’s tied with a bow first. Valerie says she’ll vouch for him and Nina says he’s hired.

Alexis makes her opening statement. She wants injunctive relief and wants the court to enforce a law that’s already on the books. She also wants punitive damages for Olivia. Diane says the defense will prove that the case is frivolous and should be thrown out of court with prejudice. That means it can’t be tried elsewhere. I know that from watching The People’s Court. The first witness is Olivia.

Monica tells Dillon to find Dr. Mays and get the test results while she settles Tracy back in. Tracy asks if Monica understands and Monica says she’ll honor Tracy’s health care directive.

Griffin says he should take the rap for the entire thing, since it was his idea. Brad says the new and improved Brad doesn’t throw his friends under the bus. He adds that he looked at the biopsy results before Dr. Mays took them and made a copy.

Dr. Mays comes in with the results. He says the good news is, Tracy doesn’t have cancer. The bad news is he has no idea what it is. Don’t confer with Griffin or anything, you old coot.

Dillon says he thought the biopsy would tell them what’s wrong. Dr. Mays says it only narrows the possibilities. Tracy wants to go home, but Monica says that’s a no. Dillon asks what they do now. find someone who knows

Brad says whatever is going on with Tracy, he’s never seen it before. Griffin says he has. Dr. Mays comes out and asks for Griffin.

Nina fills Curtis in on what’s happened with the past two Crimson issues. Nina says she’s going to pay Curtis herself and Julian isn’t going to know anything until Curtis finds out what’s going on. She and Maxie leave for the courthouse. Curtis makes Valerie his assistant. He talks about their next date and Valerie says he promised to tell her why Jordan hates him first.

Olivia takes the stand. Her testimony is interspersed with Lomax’s testimony. Lomax feels that breast feeding isn’t appropriate in a public place. Olivia says Lomax threatened to have her arrested and Diane asks if it was for public indecency. Olivia says it was for assaulting the mayor. Lomax says she was “bumped into,” and Alexis asks how many stitches it required. Ha-ha! Alexis asks if charges were brought and Lomax says no.

Carly takes the stand. Diane asks what her staff told her, and Carly and I both ask if that isn’t hearsay. Something I learned from Judge Judy. Diane says something about it being a relaying of a conversation, and although that would never fly with Judy, the judge says it’s admissible. One of the employees said that Olivia went off on the mayor and almost flipped a table on her.

Jordan takes the stand and explains the legalities of breast feeding in public. Diane asks if there have ever been any complaints and Jordan says not to her knowledge. The defense and prosecution rest. Fastest. Hearing. Ever.

Griffin says he can understand why the lesions were mistaken for cancer. He asks what Tracy consumed while she was in Mexico. Tracy remembers Larry offering her some local delicacies he picked up in town the night they smoked weed together. She leaves the weed part out though. Griffin says she needs an infectious disease doctor.

Curtis says after Jordan’s husband was killed, she and Curtis were partners for a while with the DEA, but it didn’t work out. Valerie asks why he didn’t just tell her that, and he says he was using it as bait for another date, even though I’m sure there’s more to the story.

Diane says Olivia wasn’t prevented from breast feeding and Lomax was only giving an opinion, which is her right. Alexis counters that it might be the literal truth, but the word of a high elected official carries a lot of weight and it’s imposing a belief of what is good and proper. She wants the court to close the gap between the legislature’s intent and the law. Lots of legal stuff today!

The judge says he sympathizes but there are flaws in the case. Carly walks in with a woman and a baby. The woman starts to breastfeed. The judge says a courtroom is hardly the appropriate place. More women and babies come in. Lomax says what’s natural to them is offensive to others. Nina talks about being topless and asks why it’s okay for men and not women. Alexis says by law in New York, it is. Lomax says most people don’t want to see it. I dunno about that. There seem to be plenty of people — okay, mostly men — who want their picture taken with the naked painted ladies in Times Square. The judge bangs his gavel and says the court is out of order. Nina takes off her top and says what’s out of order about these?

Maxie is next and everyone starts taking off their tops. Nina is filming it all with her phone. The judge says it all really wasn’t necessary because he was finding for the plaintiff anyway.

Nina tells Julian that Crimson is trending nationally and she’s going to make the magazine a success. BTW, we are seeing the Crimson cover with Olivia everywhere and of course it’s beautiful.

Carly tells Diane to tell the mayor that if she doesn’t drop the bogus health order, she’ll sue her and the city. Lomax says she has no case, but Diane says record will show that she does. Lomax reminds Diane that she’s her lawyer and Diane says her long-standing relationship with the Corrinthos family trumps that. It’s a win for everyone, except Lomax.

Diana tells Alexis just so she knows, she let her win. The mayor tells Alexis she’s made an enemy.

Dr. Mays says he’s still going to fire Brad and Griffin. He says they’re done at GH and done with medicine. He says he would have figured it out sooner or later.

Tracy tells Monica her wishes still stand. Monica says it’s unnecessary, but if anything changes Tracy can count on her.

Monica calls a doctor she met at a conference and tells him that she has a case that’s confounding everybody and she thinks he can help. It’s Silas petting an iguana. Alrighty then!

Tomorrow, a divorce happens, Nina goes to a fertility doctor and Franco meets with Jason.

Vanderpump Rules — The Reunion, Part One

First, as much as she annoys me, I have to say Stassi looks good with a few more pounds on her and whatever she’s doing makeup/filler wise. She mentioned that she was so thin during the first season because she couldn’t afford food. I understand. The thinnest I ever was, was during some unemployed years when I was malnourished.

Ok, let’s roll.

Shouldn’t Giggy be at this reunion? Andy calls Lisa the headmistress of SUR and that pretty much fits. Lala claims she’s sober. Maybe.

James is suspended from PUMP again. Andy asks Lisa how it is to employ two people who hate each other as much as James and Jax do. James says he doesn’t hate Jax, but Jax says James is lucky he’s on probation or he’d punch his face in. We’re off to a great start! Lisa says Jax is an a-hole, but he’s her a-hole. Only we can make fun of our pledges. (Animal House reference.)

James’s drinking is brought up and we begin with the Decades party. Lisa says he’s one of those people whose personality changes with the crack of a bottle opening. We go down Memory Lane with James lying his face off to Kristen. It’s funny how these kids use old words like banging and boning. I hear they just discovered vinyl records too. Eeew! James is giving us TMI about Kristen’s cheating. I really don’t want to know what anything smelled like, kay?

Andy asks Lisa about how she hired James, and if his main goal was to get on the show. Kristen tries to answer and Lisa tells her to shut up. Aa-ha! in Nelson voice. Lisa talks about James’s mom asking her to give him a job and somehow it moves to Kristen hooking up with James to annoy Tom. Kristen talks about how James lived off of her. James calls her a sugar momma and a cougar. I think she’s a little young to be one of those.

Lala says this was her first real job. Oh Lord, I’d had like five jobs and two apartments by the time I was her age. And I was going to school. And partying. They talk about how Lala lied about being a model when she started on the show, when really it was rich guys taking her to exotic places. She claims she’s lost count of how many trips she’s scored, but she never slept with any of them. I choke on my coffee.

They talk about Jax’s pursuit of Lala. Lala says they’re similar, when they see someone new, it’s a challenge and it’s fun to flirt. Andy says Jax forgot that Brittany existed. Jax says it’s more like he just set the girlfriend thing aside for a minute, whatever that means. Lala says she thought he was single because that’s the impression he was giving. Lala says it’s intimidating coming into a group like this. I have to agree with her there. Scheana says she resents having been called a bully.

Commercial break. the new season of Southern Charm begins April 4. The guys on that show are even bigger losers than the Vanderpump crowd. At least they have their youth as an excuse. Okay, except for Jax. The Real Housewives of Dallas also begins April 11.

Michael Shay (for our purposes, Shay) joins the group. No surprise, they talk about his substance abuse that was a large part of the past season. He says it started before he and Scheana were dating. He started taking Vicodin when he got a sports injury. Andy asks why Scheana waited so long to say something and she says she kept thinking it would pass. Lisa was disappointed in how he handled things in blaming Scheana. They talk about how they had the rest of the group there when everything came out in the open.

Scheana says she’d told Jax about it, but he says he doesn’t remember. Scheana says Jax doesn’t listen. Andy calls him a colander and he doesn’t know what that means. To his credit, Jax apologizes for being an idiot when he went on and on about how it was Scheana’s fault. Andy brings up Scheana thinking that Shay could party somewhat even though he’s an addict. We flash back to some of her enabling. Scheana tears up and says she did the best she could with the knowledge that she had.

Tom says that sometimes Scheana used Shay’s illness to talk down to him. Lisa defends Scheana, saying she’s seen her being uplifting to Shay. Scheana says that she’s changed her way of looking at things and her behavior. Lala apologizes. She says being an outsider looking in, you don’t know what’s really going on behind the scenes. Probably one of the few mature remarks we’ll hear during the reunion.

They talk about Shay quitting the pills cold turkey without meetings. Lisa says she doesn’t get that and Shay says one of the things he feared was her judgment. Lisa says she was angry at him for lying to Scheana. Shay says it’s been tough because it’s been their first year of marriage along with him kicking his addictions, but he says if he hadn’t been married, he probably wouldn’t have cleaned up his act. The conversation ends on an up note, with Lisa saying Scheana is Shay’s greatest asset and him agreeing.

Next on the agenda is Ariana’s 30th birthday party. It was a kiddie theme because she wanted to do something out of the ordinary. They talk about Lala not being invited and Tom going to Vegas when Ariana needed him. We flash back to her telling Tom about her birthday issues and missing her father. Lisa says they’re all ridiculous and should take their relationships more seriously, instead of going to Vegas, which was “built for trouble.” I’ve never been there and have no desire to go.

They talk about the girls dipping into the lady pond, which Lala claims never to have done, and Andy says he’s never been with a woman either. Then everyone confesses everything or not. Zzzzz…. The Toms getting Vegas tattoos is discussed. Katie says she actually likes Schwartz’s “Bubba” tattoo, but Tom says he basically Googled “cool” and came up with the letter “A.” How drunk was he? While he had one laser treatment done, which we saw on the show, he hasn’t had another yet. No doubt Bravo was footing the bill for the first one.

Kristen’s apology tour is revisited. James says it was bs and Ariana agrees. They think she was only apologizing because she wanted to be invited to Hawaii. They go back and forth about Ariana having kissed Tom while he was living with Kristen and Kristen sleeping with several other people, including Jax, while she was living with Tom . Lisa thinks her apologies were self-serving. Probably.

Tom says she got advice from her therapist and has been regurgitating it the whole season. Andy asks if there’s anything Kristen can do to make Tom at peace with her. Tom says he already is and then he and Kristen argue about who was whose friend first. Tom says he’s cool, but he has things to say if asked and a lot of damage has been done. That doesn’t sound at peace to me.

Lala says she thought she and Kristen were good, but then Kristen talked smack behind her back. Kristen says Lala was hooking up with her ex-boyfriend. She says she doesn’t like the things Lala has said on social media. Lala says Kristen is fake. Kristen says she’s the least fake person in the world and Lala says, no, me. Ariana says Kristen can say she owns this or that, but she has no idea of the ripple effect her actions have caused.

Everyone starts talking at once. And using the f-word.

Next time, The Reunion — Part Two, James says Jax is jealous, Stassi joins the group, and so does Brittany.

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