April 11, 2016 — GH, Charming Southerners & Dallas Wives

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Ned comes to visit Tracy. He says he’s so relieved that the surgery went well, he can’t even be his sarcastic self. Tracy says she told Monica she loved her and Ned wishes he’d gotten it on camera. Tracy says she’s feeling better and been out of commission for too long. She wants her phone to tell a “certain bitch” she’s back.

Hayden tells Nicholas they can’t continue with the tension. He says nothing is going to change on his end. She says unless he signs the documents she’s prepared, she’s going to the police with what she knows. She says Spencer is coming home and unless he signs, the next time his son will see him is behind bars.

Jason tells Sam he gets what Sonny is trying to do in righting a wrong.

Sonny and Anna confer on the plane. Sonny asks Anna if she’s having second thoughts because she seems distracted. She says there’s something she can’t monitor from there and he asks if she’s talking about Paul.

Paul’s mouth is still duct taped and he’s handcuffed to a banister in Anna’s house. He gets the tape off of his mouth.

Sam starts to straighten up. Jason says she’s clearly upset. She wonders if he was talking about Nicholas when he referred to righting a wrong.

Hayden says she needs control of ELQ to protect herself physically and financially. Nicholas says who’s to say she won’t call the police anyway? She says after he signs, she’ll create a statement about the shooting that will refute anything further. Nicholas wonders who she really is and calls her a greedy manipulator. She says it’s time for her to move on.

Laura comes in. She sees the bruises on Nicholas’s face and asks if he’s all right. Hayden says Nicholas was just saying good-by — to a lot of things.

Paul is unsuccessful in getting the handcuffs off of the banister. He looks through Anna’s mail on the table behind him and finds a paperclip.

Sonny says Anna said something cryptic about a loose end. She says it’s unimportant. He says they need to talk about what they’re going to do when they land. Anna is more concerned about what Sonny is going to do when he sees Carrrlos. She says there was a time she didn’t believe she could bring Carrrlos to justice. She says her goal now is to bring him back to testify. She says she told Carrrlos that’s what she wanted, but he’d thrown it in her face that she had no real evidence and he would walk, and she snapped, shooting him four times point blank.

Maxie tells Nathan how wonderful he is and that she’s sorry about what he went through with Claudette. He says it was a long time ago, but she says there must be scars. She tells him to talk to her.

Ned advises against Tracy making a phone call. She says it could actually help in her recovery. She tells him to text Hayden, “R, I am awake eagerly awaiting your visit.” Ned asks why the R?

Laura says she’s clearly interrupted, but Hayden says she’s leaving anyway. She gets the text and says she has to go, but the notary will be there soon and to have the documents ready when she gets back. When she’s gone, Laura asks what happened to Nicholas’s face and Nicholas tells her about Jason. Laura asks if Sam knows he tried to have Hayden killed. He says that’s the least of it and he’s about to lose everything.

Paul is getting frustrated with the paper clip and finally gets the cuffs open. He gets his phone and says he hopes for both his and Anna’s sakes, he’s not too late.

Anna says she thought Carrrlos was dead, but he was wearing a bullet proof vest. She thinks he was already working with Paul. She says she played right into their hands, acting like a vigilante rather than a cop. She says she didn’t trust in the judicial system. Sonny says the law didn’t give her justice and he would have done the same thing. Anna says where does it end, and that she doesn’t believe in a lawless society. She says hopefully, Carrrlos will turn on Julian and if she has to serve time, so be it. Sonny says it’s her word against Carrrlos, but she says she has no intention of lying. Sonny says the only problem is that she didn’t shoot Carrrlos in the head. She says that’s the very reason she didn’t want him looking for Carrrlos on his own. Sonny says they’re almost at their destination and they’ll get justice for Duke.

Maxie says she doesn’t understand how a woman could cheat on anyone as wonderful as Nathan, especially after he did her a huge favor. She tries to get the city Claudette lived in out of him, but he’s wise to what she’s doing.

Sam says Spencer shouldn’t suffer for Nicholas being evil. Jason says that’s why he’s not going to kill him, but he needs something legal. A light bulb comes on over Jason’s head.

Nicholas gets Laura up to speed about Hayden. She asks if he’s made up his mind to sign the documents, and he says he doesn’t see another choice. He says he’d love to go to prison just to make a point, but Spencer needs him. He says that’s only part of it though. Laura says she and Elizabeth would be accessories and asks if Hayden threatened him with that. Nicholas says yes.

Hayden comes to the hospital and introduces herself to Ned. Ned says he remembers her from the Nurses Ball as not being Jason’s wife. Tracy tells him to let them have some privacy. Hayden tells Tracy she really is glad Tracy is better and she had a real scare with the seizure. She’s brought Tracy a gift, a ceramic cat that’s symbolic of great fortune coming her way. Tracy says she takes it that they’ve had success with ELQ and Hayden tells her that they have.

When Sonny and Anna land, the border guards check Sonny’s passport and all is fine. However, Anna can’t get off the plane. There’s a warrant out for her arrest.

Maxie pleads ignorance, but Nathan says she’s not even being subtle with trying to get information. She says she’s just trying to fill in the blanks. Nathan asks if she thinks an old bad decision has any bearing on them now. She says of course not and he says back off then. She says if he doesn’t want to talk about it, she won’t bring Claudette up again — ever. Ha! Not to him anyway.

Anna says it must be a clerical error. The guard says she’s been flagged for assault in Port Charles. Sonny says something in Spanish and the guard says he hopes that wasn’t a bribe. Sonny says his Spanish is rusty and he was just asking for directions. Anna tells him he can’t leave her and he tells her crime doesn’t pay. Ha-ha! Sony the comedian.

Nicholas tells Laura he loves her and she says he’s a wonderful son. She says when she was sick, he stepped up to be her guardian, and he’s done a lot for his siblings. She says he’ll get past this.

Tracy tells Hayden to tell her everything. Hayden says despite all the obstacles, she’s prevailing. She tells Tracy that she got Diane to draw up papers and ELQ will shortly be out of Cassadine hands. Tracy says she’ll get Hayden’s payment and Hayden can sign the stock over to her and ELQ will be back where it belongs. Hayden says she’s keeping ELQ for herself.

Sonny meets a guy who he’s been working with and shows him Carrrlos’s picture. The guy says no one has seem him. On the plane, Anna argues with the guard. The guard gets a phone call for her. It’s Paul.

Hayden says Tracy changed the rules. Tracy says she’ll tell the world who Hayden really is and Hayden says go ahead. Tracy calls Ned in. Before Tracy can say anything, Hayden tells him that her real name is Rachel Berlin. She tells Tracy she no longer has anything to hide.

Laura says she wishes she could help Nicholas. He says he’d prefer her not being there when he signs the papers because signing them is defeat enough without an audience. He tells her to go pursue the key that Helena left her. Like we all don’t think he’s up to something. Laura cannot possibly be this clueless after all these years. She leaves and Nicholas looks through the papers.

Jason tells someone on the phone he’ll let them know when he’s ready to move. He tells Sam, let’s go and they leave.

Sonny says he thinks the neighborhood where they are is the best bet for surveillance and the guy should call him if he hears anything.

Maxie says she wishes she could stay in Nathan’s arms forever. He says him too, but he has to go to work. He says they should appreciate how lucky they are and not create problems where they don’t exist. He gets out of bed, and Maxie sneaks onto the laptop and searches for Claudette West.

Ned wonders why Tracy would be involved with Rachel. Hayden says should she explain or will Tracy? Ned gets a call and has to jet. Hayden tells Tracy she’ll take good care of the shares. Tracy says she’s going to tell Hayden’s enemies where she is and she’s not going to get away with it. Hayden says she already has.

Sam and Jason show up at Nicholas’s palace. Nicholas says he doesn’t have the patience for this today. Sam asks if he had a bad night. Jason says he’s going to make Nicholas an offer he can’t refuse.

Anna asks how Paul found her He says he has his ways. He says she can play down and dirty when she wants to, and she says not dirty enough. He says he didn’t think he’d be able to expedite things, but he found the right judge in Ecuador. She says he was in such a rush, he forgot about Sonny. She immediately amends that and says he deliberately held her back and let Sonny go because he’s hoping that Sonny will kill Carrrlos

Sonny goes to a chapel. The padre’s back is to him and Sonny says something in Spanish. When the priest turns around, it’s Carrrlos with a gun. He tells Sonny to get ready to die.

Tomorrow, Nicholas says he’ll never forgive Sam, Anna says someone is going to get hurt, and Carrrlos says he’s going to put a bullet in Sonny’s head.

Southern Charm

Cameran says she’s a modern Southern woman. She enjoys working and freedom it brings. Her new husband, Jason, is looking to start a family, but she’s not ready. So instead, she’s having her first dinner party.

Kathryn talks to Jennifer about Craig’s party. Kathryn doesn’t know if people don’t like her because they don’t like her, or is it just because of Thomas? She says people are still judging her as a gold-digger when she’s living with her parents. Kathryn says her goal is to settle down in her own place with the kids.

Thomas is taking care of baby Kensie. Someone needs to tell him that kid’s too young to be eating Pepperidge Farm Goldfish unattended. Thomas says that in the state of South Carolina, an unwed mother has full parental rights, but the father also doesn’t have to give her any money without a court order in place. Apparently, he’s being pretty cheap.

Shep visits Landon. She’s off the boat and renting a house now. She says she walked away with nothing from her marriage. She says she never had to think about money and now has to struggle and plan for a financial future. Welcome to the world. She doesn’t want to get a “mundane job” and is thinking of starting a magazine. Good luck with that. It takes two years just to make a profit. If you last that long.

Craig video chats with his mom, Marti. He’s submitting his application to the bar soon. He’s also gearing up for a new job. Doing what? Does he know how to do anything?

Cameran visits Patricia. Patricia introduces her to Anna, her new intern, and her new pet hedgehog. Cameran can’t figure out how she got into Patricia’s social circle, but it happened. She tells Patricia she was thinking about doing a crockpot dinner for her party, but Patricia thinks she should consult with a caterer and she’ll lend Michael to help with the cocktails. Cameran wants everyone to think she did all the cooking, but Patricia says no one will think that anyway.

Craig is going into a partnership with his friend JD, who has a hospitality group. He’s putting a 15K investment into the business, but will be working in it as well. JD says he has great potential and helped him out when he was in need, so he’s returning the favor.

Shep meets Craig at the bar. Shep has invited a few ladies to join them. Landon is there and says whenever she introduces a girlfriend to Shep, they end up hooking up and it becomes awkward for her, since he’s like a Golden retriever, chasing every new tennis ball that goes by. She talks to Craig about Shep when he’s only a couple of feet away. Since Shep invited one too many girls, he awkwardly sits in between them, wondering why they’re annoyed.

Suzanne, from the Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits (I’m not making that up), comes to Cameran’s place. Cameran is going to learn how to cook a dinner. She says she grew up eating Happy Meals and was never a society person. She knows one day she’ll have to host things and doesn’t want to come off like an idiot. She figures even if she can’t give Jason a child right now, she can at least give him a decent dinner.

Whitney and Patricia are meeting Thomas at a French restaurant for dinner. Whitney says he misses the old Thomas and has had enough of Thomas’s chicanery, which he pronounces in a weird, wrong way. They order dinner and Thomas acts like a total ass trying to speak French. Whitney calls it “Pepe le Pew French.” The food looks good, but I’m sure it’s over-priced.

Thomas talks about not being able to see Kensie as much as he wants to. Patricia thinks it’s despicable that Kathryn is using the baby as a pawn. Thomas asks about Patricia’s situation, and she tells him about how Whitney’s father shared custody along with her. She says they got along for Whitney’s sake, and he turned out to be “absolute perfection.” I choke. Whitney says Thomas has dug his own grave.

Kathryn is looking at houses. She’s hoping to move next weekend. Jennifer asks if she’s going to Patricia’s “Flamingo party,” but she says she wasn’t invited. Kathryn wants to know what she did to be treated so poorly. I’m guessing just existing and reacting to things like a normal human being.

Suzanne gets to Cameran’s prior to the party.She asks for a saucepan and Cameran brings out still wrapped wedding gifts. She explains that the clerk at the registry registered wedding gifts for her, since she didn’t have a clue what she’d need. Suzanne asks for a carving knife and Cameran pulls out more gifts.

Kathryn calls Craig and tells him she thinks she found a house. She wants to drop by and Landon tells him they have to get to Cameran’s party in a hour, and Kathryn isn’t invited.

At least Cameran knows how to dress herself and looks gorgeous. She thinks she overcooked the roast, but I disagree. Patricia arrives with martini-making machine Michael. He’s brought what looks like an old-fashioned doctor bag with the martini fixings in it. Michael explains how to carve something. He actually went to butler school and has been with Patricia since the year one.

Kathryn arrives at Craig’s. She tells Craig and Landon about the house she found. She asks what they’re up to and Landon says Cameron is cooking. Craig, ever the soul of tact, says it’s a dinner party and asks if she was invited. Idiot. Isn’t that obvious? Kathryn wishes people would disassociate her from her past. Craig says it’s wrong for everyone to give Thomas a pass when it takes two to tango.

Patricia and Michael help Cameran set up for the party. Craig, Naomie and Landon arrive, with Danni (who?) right behind. Shep and Whitney are next and after them a friend of Cameron’s named Chelsea. Dinner is served.

It’s buffet style, which I didn’t think was allowed in Charleston. Craig says a lot of girls in Charleston put on airs and play by some arbitrary set of rules, but not Cameran. The roast looks very good and Patricia says it’s delicious. Cameran asks Naomie what kind of ring she wants. Craig deflects it to when Whitney might even have a relationship. They talk about how long is a good amount of time to know each other before marrying. Patricia says there’s no mystery and romance anymore. You can send someone an email with a wine emoji, have sex and call it a day. She says it’s the end of Western civilization. She might be right there.

Craig asks why Thomas and Kathryn weren’t invited. Cameran says it’s awkward and she didn’t want any drama. Craig thinks they should reach out to Kathryn, but Patricia thinks Kathryn has no manners. I wouldn’t either around this crowd; my manners would totally go out the window. She then invites everyone to her Flamingo party. Craig thinks they should give Kathryn a chance. Patricia says it’s not their responsibility and Cameran thinks they shouldn’t waste any energy on her.

Next time, Shep wants to work with Cameran, Landon flounders, and Thomas whines to Patricia.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Dammit! Now I have to learn a whole bunch of new names.

We start off at Brandi’s house. She was once a Cowboys cheerleader. She and husband Bryan are getting one of their daughters ready for school. She and Bryan met in eighth grade and are still together. Bryan is gone most of the time for business, which explains why they’re still together.

Next LeeAnne is out shopping with Tiffany. She points out that her hair isn’t high and she’s not wearing cowboy boots. Stereotypes refuted! LeeAnne is looking for outfits to wear at upcoming charity events, since you can’t be caught wearing the same thing twice. She does a lot of volunteering and hosting. Tiffany’s nickname is the “mouth from the south.” That sounds like a radio personality or Morton Downey, Jr. She’ll do fine on this show. LeeAnne grew up on the carnival circuit, so that’s an interesting plus.

Cary is a registered nurse and her husband is one of the most sought after plastic surgeons in Dallas. Very convenient. She’s also a breast cancer survivor. Mark is her third husband.

Brandi visits Stephanie. Their husbands are best friends and so are they. She calls wine “Jesus juice.” Please. Stephanie tries opening a wine bottle and hits herself in the head with the corkscrew. She basically does chores for an allowance from her husband. I’m not sure if there’s an entire brain between these two. They’re trying to set up the remote control for the garage door and Stephanie decides to just call someone to do it. It sounds to me like these two get drunk and stupid a lot.

Stephanie says she was raised in a church like the girl in Footloose. She says after she met her husband, Travis, they spent six months drunk and making out, and then got married. Golf is a big thing for them. Travis was raised in a wealthy family and Stephanie thinks sometimes his expectations are skewed because he thinks a wife should be more like Betty Draper. (Cold, drunk and smoking?) She adds that she can fart on command.

Cary is having a jewelry trunk show to support a charity for women who can’t afford reconstructive breast surgery. She says her husband Mark loves to cook and shop, and he’s a great wife for her. LeeAnne says the more events you chair, the more welcome you are in society, and the more powerful you are in society. Yawn. Simon and Alex McCord were so much more fun as social climbers.

Cary has everyone gather in the living room and a speech is made about the charity. She thanks the woman who provided the jewelry and says that they’re giving a whole 10% of the profits to the charity. Some of the girls hang out in the kitchen and pick at the food. Stephanie and Brandi discuss farting and LeeAnne leaves the room. Apparently not to fart. She thinks you should take it seriously or go home.

So far I’m waffling between bored and annoyed.

Tiffany and her husband, Aaron, go out for coffee. She misses Los Angeles. Aaron says he wanted to bring her home. She was a model and it sounds like a little too into the drug scene. Apparently the lifestyle became too much for her and she needed to get grounded. She asks if Aaron thinks they made the right decision and he says absolutely. She wants to buy him a Texas guitar. He’s a musician and needs some gigs for exposure, and she wants to make that happen. He plays some guitar and sings and it’s nothing special, although Tiffany gets all emo.

LeeAnne lives with her boyfriend Rich, who’s a cop. She says he’s soooo good-looking. Kind of. He looks like a more rugged Anderson Cooper. He’s promised to marry her one of these days.She says in every city there’s various categories of rich people, but she doesn’t fall into any of them. She’s impressed with herself though, since billionaires know her name. What the what is she wearing around her neck? It looks like a change purse hanging from some chains. No. Just no. I don’t care how much money you have. It’s no.

Brandi and Stephanie are back to drinking. Brandi does a mean LeeAnne impression that Stephanie wants her to display at tonight’s event. Brandi doesn’t think that would be the best idea though. She thinks LeeAnne uses the charities to publicize herself. She says she’s also had to introduce herself a million times to her. Yeah, I’ve known people like that. Despite her carnival past, LeeAnne is looking less and less attractive.

More drinking for Stephanie and Brandi out by the pool, where they talk about poop. What is wrong with these two?

LeeAnne’s friend, Marie, is hosting a charity dinner. Cary says a lot of the charity groups intermingle and do each other favors. Stephanie and Brandi show up and LeeAnne gets a look on her face like she’s back in her carnival days. She summons Marie. Brandi says LeeAnne always makes herself the center of attention when she shouldn’t be.

Yep, and Brandi is right on with her impression. While the charity guy is speaking, LeeAnne thinks he asked if he can get a witness and keeps shouting out stuff. LeeAnne claims she wants to see Brandi’s impression. She and Tiffany insist Brandi do her act, but Brandi says she’s not going to help LeeAnne be the center of attention.

I’m just going to get this out of the way. LeeAnne is a mean girl a-hole. I can just imagine what she was like in high school. That is, if she finished high school. In her individual interview she goes on about rules, while she stares holes in Brandi at the event.

Brandi sits down with LeeAnne. She says she doesn’t know LeeAnne well, and she only mimics people out of a sense of fun. LeeAnne says she’s very sweet and she understands that it’s just Brandi’s sense of humor. Brandi talks about how LeeAnne horns in on everybody’s stories at events. LeeAnne says she’s been through everything and that’s why she does so much charity work. Brandi suggests she’s insecure and says there’s a time and a place to tell her story. She says she feels sorry for LeeAnne and LeeAnne fake thanks her.

Stephanie joins them. Brandi brings up how when they were hearing stories about people with HIV, LeeAnne inappropriately brought herself into it. LeeAnne says she feels attacked. Okay. I don’t even know what to say about this. Except maybe that she belongs with the Potomac crowd. What I get from Brandi is that she might be immature, but I don’t think there’s a mean bone in her body. Not so much LeeAnne. Had I met her when I was younger, she would have walked all over me. Today, I wouldn’t give someone like her the time of day.

LeeAnne says she thinks Brandi is sweet, but hasn’t been on the scene very long. Brandi says her family is her priority. LeeAnne says she doesn’t have kids and goes on about why she does charity events. Brandi continues to tell her she needs help.

This season, there are lots of parties lots of gossip and lots of stupidity. LeeAnne wants to get married, Brandi’s brother tries to commit suicide, Brandi tells LeeAnne she’s full of it, Tiffany screams at LeeAnne, and LeeAnne punches the camera. Should be good.

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