April 25, 2016 — GH, a Flamingo Party & Dallas Wives

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

At the hospital, Monica catches Franco walking by with a box and asks him what’s in it. He suggests organs, explosives, or some other contraband.

Nina finds Julian “loitering” in her office.

Alexis tells Carrrlos the prosecution’s case is dubious, providing Sabrrrina doesn’t suddenly show up in Port Charles.

Michael asks Sabrrrina’s tia who the baby toy belongs to.

Nina tells Julian he can’t just barge into her office any time he wants. He says he wouldn’t if she kept him in the loop and wasn’t ignoring his emails, texts and calls. She tells him she’s not sacrificing what she wants for someone else’s self-centered needs. Julian is like, yeah, okay, I just wanted the financial reports. Nina tells him she’ll get them and starts to cry.

Franco says he doesn’t answer to Monica and she’s an unfeeling harpy. He goes on and on telling her to check with the real chief-of-staff who thinks he’s delightful. They trade insults about past mistakes. Franco tells her that her patients are probably glad they’re anesthetized because she has a lousy bedside manner. Monica has to take a call and Franco takes Daisy out of the box he’s carrying.

NuJake tells Jason he wants to do art with Franco. Jason steps away and Franco comes by with Daisy. Franco tells Jake that Daisy needs a home and he gives the dog to him. Jason is not thrilled.

Sabrrrina’s tia says she doesn’t know where Sabrrrina is. She says the toy belongs to a friend’s baby. Michael suggest she call her friend now.

Alexis asks if there’s any chance Sabrrrina will return to Port Charles. Carrrlos says no and Alexis asks if she’s dead. Carrrlos says of course not. Alexis says there’s a tape with Sabrrrina talking about Carrrlos killing Duke, but she can get it thrown out if there’s no chance of her coming back. Alexis says she cited a pre-trial motion to dismiss due to lack of evidence. Carrrlos says there’s still one major problem — Sonny.

Sonny asks Ric if Alexis’s motion will be granted. Ric says the chances are pretty good. He says if the case is dismissed without prejudice, if Sabrrrina eventually shows up, they can retry Carrrlos. Sonny says that Carrrlos is unlikely to sit around and wait for that, and Ric asks if Sonny is going to kill Carrrlos.

Julian gives Nina a hanky. She blows her nose and hands it back, but he says she can keep it. She tells him her tears have nothing to do with Crimson and she’ll get him the financials. He says just give them to him by the end of the day. He tells her it’s obvious that something is upsetting her and asks if she wants to talk. She says no, then changes her mind.

Jason asks what’s this and Jake says a puppy. Franco says he’s surprised Jason missed that with the wagging tail and floppy ears. Jake begs to keep Daisy, but Jason says Sam doesn’t have time to take care of her. Jake asks if Jason would help, but he says he can’t and they’ll talk about getting a dog when he’s older. Jake says but he wants this one. They have the same I-want-a-dog-and-I-promise-to-take-care-of-it conversation that a million parents have with their kids every day and Jake tells Jason he hates him.

Carrrlos says Sonny wants him dead. Alexis says that must be stressful. Carrrlos says he and Sabrrrina were living a peaceful life until Sonny and Anna came along. He’s concerned it will happen again unless he can disappear permanently. He wants a big payoff from Julian or he’ll take the deal from the DA. He says plus, if he turns in Julian, Sonny might back off. Alexis says the judge still has to rule and Carrrlos says to tell Julian to open up his checkbook.

Ric says that Sonny needs to think about using Ric’s skills as an ally. He’s annoyed that Sonny uses Diane a lot of the time. Sonny says there’s no question about Ric’s loyalty, but as far as Carrrlos is concerned, he’s considering his options.

Sabrrrina’s tia’s friend comes by and she returns the toy. Michael asks again if she’s sure she hasn’t heard from Sabrrrina, like she might not remember.

Ric says Sonny reasonably hoped that Carrrlos would flip on Julian, but it didn’t work out that way. He can’t believe Sonny is okay with that. Sonny repeats that he’s considering his options and can’t tell Ric about a plan he doesn’t have yet. He says he doesn’t like freezing Ric out, but he’s not making the same mistake he did with Anna and if he has to take action, he’ll do it on his own. Ric changes his mind and decides the less he knows, the better.

Molly asks Alexis why she’s defending Carrrlos. Alexis says shell be happy to have an adult conversation about it. Molly says Alexis has compromised her ethics, and Alexis tells her she deserves respect and her clients are her business. She says every defendant has the right to counsel, but Molly says she took the case on her own, it wasn’t like she was given the case by the court. She asks how Alexis lives with herself.

Monica comes by and Jake tells her about the puppy. Monica asks Franco in what universe it’s acceptable to give another man’s child a dog? She tells Jake that the groundskeeper is looking for a dog and Jake can come visit her when he wants. She tells Franco they’re not finished. Franco tells Jason he must be glad he doesn’t remember much about Monica.

Michael asks Sabrrrina’s tia to call if she hears from Sabrrrina. She says she and Sabrrrina are very close, and if she hasn’t contacted her yet, maybe she’s not in Puerto Rico.

Sonny is on the phone saying they need to act fast on a contract.

Alexis says things aren’t black and white, and the world doesn’t always work that way. Molly says there’s no grey area when it comes to Carrrlos and that he’s pure evil. Alexis says Molly is throwing that term around like she knows what she’s talking about. She brings out the dagger and tells her that what Helena did was pure evil. She says Carrrlos did a lot of bad things, but there’s no comparison. Molly says isn’t that all the more reason she shouldn’t be helping another murderer, and that what Helena is to her, Carrrlos might be to someone else. Molly says she knows it has something to do with Julian.

Julian says it could have been worse, Franco could have brought Nina a lizard or something else weird. He says he loves his kids, and knows how lucky he is to have them, and he’s sorry Nina isn’t going to get that chance. Nina says it’s hard on her, but Franco is just relieved. Julian says he doesn’t like Franco, but in being objective, Franco clearly cares about her. Nina says she knows that, but she’s not sure they know one another.

Jason says he’s going to find another therapist for Jake. He says Franco didn’t help by giving him a dog. Franco says Jason pays lip service to love and loyalty, but he’s all about Sam and doesn’t see that Jake is lonely.

Michael is discouraged. Felix says they came there because Carrrlos led them that way, but he’s a known liar. He says Sabrrrina could be a block away or a million miles away, there’s no way to be sure.

Franco tells Jason he doesn’t even know him. Jason says Franco is a stalker and kidnapper. Franco asks who Jason is to judge him and asks if because he got paid to kill people, that made it okay. He says all Jason has ever been is a killer and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Nina says maybe nobody knows the real anyone. Everyone has secrets and tells lies. Julian says he just remembered he has a meeting to prepare for and good luck. Nina asks if she hit a nerve. Julian says he has other things to deal with and Nina asks if it’s Carrrlos. He says their business concluded a long time ago. Nina says he’s just like her, he worked and changed, but people have long memories. Julian says everything that’s going on with Carrrlos, including Duke’s murder, has nothing to do with him. She wonders what’s wrong if that’s not it. Julian says he can handle his own problems and leaves.

Alexis tells Molly to leave Julian out of it. Molly says that’s impossible if she’s going to be honest. She says the only way Alexis would be defending Carrrlos is if Julian pressured her. Molly says Alexis will be the reason Carrrlos gets away with murder. Alexis asks if Molly hates her. Molly says she could never do that, but she has the feeling that right now, Alexis hates herself.

Michael says they’re going back to Port Charles. He needs to see Carrrlos. Meanwhile, Sabrrrina’s tia gets the toy back and puts it into a crib in another room. A crib containing the world’s quietest baby.

Alexis ponders the dagger along with what Molly said to her. Julian comes in.

A guy comes into the station and says he has new evidence in the Carrrlos case. Sonny tells Max good work as always.

Franco tells Jason he throws everyone away because he doesn’t care about love. He only cares about killing people and it’s the only thing that makes him feel alive. Jason says something about how he should have finished the job with Franco, and Franco says interesting how he remembers that.

Tomorrow, Nina literally runs into Dillon, Alexis tells Julian they’re going to lose everything, and Franco says it’s time to be the Franco he was meant to be.

Just a note: WTF the Jake recast? It’s not like they aged him and James Nigbor was a fine little actor. At first, I thought it was a Danny recast until he said something about doing art with Franco. My first impression: Old Jake stood out from the crowd; NuJake will just blend in.

Southern Charm

Or as I like to call it, a bunch of five-year-olds in grown up bodies.

So what good is Thomas anyway, if he can’t score you an invite to Patricia’s Flamingo Party?

Thomas drops by JD’s place. Thomas is stressing because Kathryn didn’t let him see Kensie. In retaliation, he decided not to co-sign her lease and now Kathryn is in the hospital. Nice going, T-Rav. It dawns on him that maybe he shouldn’t be upsetting her.

JD wonders if Thomas is being manipulated because all women are alike and his wife never got that upset when she was pregnant. Thomas puts all the blame on Jennifer because it couldn’t possibly be him. Thomas says Jennifer has been stirring the pot, sending all his social media stuff to Kathryn and causing her grief.

Shep calls Cameran who announces she has the runs. Thanks for sharing. Shep tells her that Craig is yet again going to apply to take the bar exam, but he’ll believe it when he sees it.

Shep visits Craig’s office. Craig is thinking of getting into the bourbon business since he’s had a lot of experience drinking it. Craig shows him the paperwork for the bar exam. He wonders if he should use Velcro to attach his picture. I stare blankly at the TV. Craig calls the post office “the mailing center” and Shep asks if he’s from Canada.

Cameran meets wannabe Danni and some other hanger on for lunch. They talk about biological clocks and Cameran says she tries every month — not to get pregnant. She says from the outside she seems equipped to handle a child, but she doesn’t feel ready. She’s thinking of going to therapy to make sure her decision to wait isn’t based on fear or anxiety. Let’s analyze everything to death since it couldn’t possibly be that she just doesn’t want kids.

It’s Flamingo Party time! I love pink flamingos! Patricia is writing a party book, so she’s having the event photographed. She says one of her signature things is a cocktail tower and explains that it’s all about the math. She says they’re going to have 144 baby flamingo floaties in the pool (see last week’s ordering mistake) and perhaps people will think Thomas was there. Not unless he’s doing it with flamingos now. He’s not, is he?

Landon and Craig are discussing their outfits for the party. Jennifer calls Craig while they’re in the car. She tells Craig about Kathryn’s trip to the hospital and says the baby might come early. Craig feels badly because Kathryn already has it hard enough. Landon thinks Kathryn just wants attention. Maybe so, but what Jennifer is describing is no joke. I’ve started to not like Landon this season. She seems like an easily distracted dim bulb who only cares about herself. Craig says Thomas should have gone to the hospital. Landon says he should have, but Kathryn treats everyone like sh*t unless she needs something, so she has no friends. She says she’s not going to be manipulated by a psychopath. Exaggerate much?

Kathryn is mighty pissed about Thomas backing out on signing the lease and is feeling defeated. She says all she and Kensie need is a stable place to live and a peaceful environment. Thomas calls while she’s in the car. He tells her he got the lease in place for her and asks if she’ll need help with the move. In her interview, she says she’s excited, but disturbed at what it took for Thomas to help out.

Flamingos for everyone! Everything that can be pink, is pink. Patricia feels you should always be as glamorous as possible. Cameran must think so too, since she’s going all out and is even sporting a flamingo hat.

Thomas introduces Landon to his friend, Josh. He thinks he’s making a love match, but I predict rejection from Landon. Josh has a peach-fuzz mustache and I’m guessing that will clinch the no.

The party is revving up with everything pinkly decorated, and everyone dressed in pink, having pink cocktails and pink food. Lisa Vanderpump would appreciate the pinkness. Whitney introduces a Miss USA to Thomas, who immediately puts his foot in his mouth by asking if that isn’t the contest where you don’t need any talent. Whitney says he’s like the horny drunk uncle who’s trying to impress someone and I’d say that’s an accurate description. He’s the relative you blow a kiss to from a distance.

Cameran arrives fashionably late. She says she doesn’t know how Patricia does it, and then corrects herself, saying that actually she does, because Patricia has other people do it. Shep decides to get in the pool and swim amongst the flamingos.

Craig asks Thomas about Kathryn’s health. He says she’s on bed-rest and that he went immediately to the hospital to see her. Craig says funny, since Jennifer said he never showed up there. Thomas says Jennifer is evil and tries to create problems with him and Kathryn. Craig says that Thomas thought Jennifer was going to be his girl on the side and it didn’t work out the way he’d planned.

Commercial break with important information. Below Deck: Mediterranean begins Tuesday, May 3.

Landon wonders if she and Shep could ever make a relationship work, but doesn’t think he’s at that place yet. Patricia has also hired a fortune teller. Shep, Landon, Craig and Cameran go to check it out. Patricia’s friend, Cooper,takes her aside and asks if he’s being given the cold shoulder because he’s friends with Kathryn. Patricia lies through her teeth, saying she just had guests who needed her attention. In his interview, Cooper says Kathryn reminds Patricia of herself when she was young and vivacious. Patricia says Cooper is the poor man’s Truman Capote and calls his friendship with Kathryn “low rent.”

Cameran falls over a hedge and loses her flamingo hat. Patricia finds this amusing. So do I.

Jennifer shows up. Thomas is annoyed since Kathryn was excluded from the party. Jennifer is wearing a headband with springy flamingos on it. Thomas wants to push her into the pool, but JD says that would be another assault charge. Another assault charge.

Jennifer talks to JD and his wife while Thomas looks on disapprovingly. They discuss the polo match. Jennifer asks what happened after they left and Elizabeth feels that it was a “scene.” Thomas gripes to Landon about Jennifer interfering in his business. Landon thinks he should talk to her and he takes Jennifer aside.

Thomas tells her about how Craig told him she said he didn’t come to the hospital. He says he was there for two hours and Jennifer says a neighbor visits for that long. He says Kathryn seemed argumentative, and he didn’t want to stress her. He tells Jennifer that she’s causing some of Kathryn’s stress, but in her interview, Jennifer says Thomas needs to look in the mirror. She tells him that Craig misunderstood what she said, and he takes that as she’s calling them both liars. Thomas gets aggressive and Jennifer says she’s the only friend Kathryn trusts and it’s too bad Thomas isn’t another one. Thomas says there’s a common denominator and Jennifer says yeah, it’s him. Ha-ha!

Jennifer says Thomas hurt Kathryn and he’s making a scene at a nice party. He starts getting louder and finally walks away. Jennifer goes to where she thinks is a private spot and calls Kathryn, while Thomas whines to the others about Jennifer. Jennifer relays what Thomas said to Kathryn. Thomas says something to Patricia who announces there’s a spy in their midst when she goes past Jennifer. Jennifer has enough and decides to leave. Thomas is all, don’t mess with my family, like he really cares.

Next time, Landon throws Shep a birthday party, Craig thinks there’s more to Whitney and Kathryn’s relationship, and Danni suggests Kathryn extend an olive branch.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in a mansion, but then I think about how far it would be to the bathroom.

Brandi’s husband is headed off on a business trip. She misses the old days when they had date night. He’s trying to be a multi-millionaire. Leave him alone. Keep working, Bryan!

Leeanne tells her dogs she loves them, then she eats them. Not really, but could happen. Her boyfriend has a daughter from his second marriage and they’re wrapping some birthday gifts for her.

Brandi and Stephanie go out for drinks. It’s a pseudo date night. They decide to call Cary to come out and play. She’s having cocktails elsewhere, but says she’ll swing by.

Leeanne and Rich are out to dinner with his daughter, Elise, and they bug her about her boyfriend. Leeanne says kids were never on her radar, but being a family with Rich and his daughter is nirvana. I don’t know what it is about this woman, but she strikes me as desperate and over-eager.

By the time Cary arrives, Brandi and Stephanie are already wasted. Cary tells them that Mark is her third husband. The first one was when she was quite young and the second one disappeared after a couple of months. If she was Leeanne, I’d be suspicious. Brandi and Stephanie want to go to a strip club. Cary thinks nothing good will come of this, but she’s in.

Leeanne was raised by her grandparents because her mother was young when she had her. She says they were her stability until she met Rich. She says she loves where she is, but wants to get married in the future. Good luck with that. I don’t think Rich is very marriage minded. And why should he be? He’s been there and done that and already knows Leeanne.

The girls arrive at the strip club. No surprise, it’s cowboy strippers. The DJ asks for a volunteer and Brandi can’t get on stage fast enough. She starts dancing for the stripper. Wait a second. Isn’t that backward? The DJ suggest they give her a job.

Tiffany visits Leeanne. Tiffany says Leeanne takes day drinking to an art form, which might explain a lot. They discuss Brandi’s dog poopy hat. Tiffany thinks it was funny, but Leeanne was offended. She says she asked Stephanie and Cary to brunch to try and explain that they need to associate with better friends. Tiffany is like, in LA and NYC, no one would give a flying. Leeanne gets way out of line, talking about feeling sorry for Brandi’s daughters. I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with Leeanne in any way.

Stephanie asks Brandi if she had fun over the weekend. Brandi tears up. She says she doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong, but Bryan is upset about the strip club. Just keep working and shut up, Bryan! Brandi says they’re not in a good place right now, but it will be okay. Stephanie says guys don’t understand because their strip club experience is a different scene.

Aaron is playing guitar and singing. Tiffany makes cocktails. Tiffany says at one time, Aaron had a huge record deal and now he’s in the garage. I might be off the mark here, but I think you can record just about anywhere. Tiffany talks about putting on a charity event combined with him putting on a concert. She says he can get into the music scene and she can get some respect. Aaron suggests she find new friends. She agrees she needs to expand her circle of friends outside of Leeanne. Aaron asks if Leeanne gets along with anyone except her. I can’t wait for Leeanne to get her inevitable comeuppance, but it’s a shame how I thought she would be so much more down-to-earth having grown up in the carny circuit.

Tiffany has asked Cary to be in an episode of her fashion blog. We collectively lust after Cary’s closet. She says Mark helped pick out a lot of her clothes and he swears he’s not gay. Aaron does the filming while Tiffany, Cary and Mark discuss various pieces of clothing. Mark is a natural in front of the camera.

Brandi’s mother is visiting. Her mother asks if Brandi got a package from her grandfather. Brandi has never had a relationship with him, but her mother says he wants to be a part of everyone’s lives. Her mother says the estrangement had nothing to do with her getting pregnant, it was about people taking sides in her parents’ divorce. Brandi had thought her grandfather disowned the family because of her mother’s pregnancy, but really her mother disowned him by taking her mother’s side in the divorce. She says he wants to meet the family.

Cary talks to Mark about doing some plastic surgery on her. The couples chat about how they met and got married. Aaron says it wasn’t something he had planned on. Tiffany says she’s glad she met them. Mark says they should come back and raid his closet because it’s actually better than Cary’s.

Leeanne and Tiffany get together to donate some clothes to charity. Tiffany tells her about the filming with Cary and says she thinks Cary has a great dry sense of humor. Tiffany wants to foster a friendship with her and Stephanie. Leeanne gets all dramatic and says she’ll have to be in the presence of Brandi then. And where does it end? Pretty soon they’ll be burping the alphabet. Leeanne claims to hate drama, but Tiffany echos my sentiments and says that’s like Charlie Sheen saying he hates hookers.

Bryan is back in town. Brandi says they’re barely speaking. He thinks she might hurt his business reputation by going to a strip club. I don’t think it was the going so much as the getting up on stage. Brandi tells him about her grandfather and says she wants to invite him over. She doesn’t think Bryan understands the importance of it. She says she feels like she hardly knows Bryan these days.

It’s time for the brunch with Leeanne, Cary and Stephanie. Stephanie feels like Leeanne dominates the conversation with her loudness, but Cary says she can be louder and she intends to be heard. Leeanne wants to explain the process of earning your “wings” in the charity circuit like she’s the charity Yoda. She brings up Mad Hatter’s and shows them an online blog (written by one of her friends) featuring Brandi’s hat. She then brings out Exhibit A, a plastic turd. Cary says she’s not concerned with what people think, just the charity. Leeanne says it wasn’t appropriate and if you bow at her, she bows back. Then she dares them to bow at her. Bow is pronounced like the bow in bow and arrow. Is this some kind of Texan term? Neither one of these girls is asking her what on earth she’s talking about, so I assume so. I’d like to whack Leeanne in the head with a bow. (Note: Later, during Watch What Happens Live, Cary said she wasn’t really familiar with the term, but it meant something like when guys bump chests.)

Cary says maybe a dildo on a hat would be inappropriate, but she doesn’t think the poopy was any big deal. Leeanne says the meeting isn’t about the hat, but about how their reputations are based on who they’re seen with. Leeanne acts like people have been asking questions about Stephanie hanging around with Brandi, when clearly she was the one who was doing the talking about her at the event. Cary says no one has told Leeanne that carny etiquette and Dallas etiquette aren’t the same thing. Leeanne says she cares about her ability to raise future funds. And since it’s not about the hat, she goes back to the hat topic. She says respect is a huge thing for her and Cary tells her she might as well slow her roll because you need to be born into Dallas society and that won’t be happening for Leeanne. Leeanne is annoyed that they’re not lapping at her font of wisdom and after getting borderline hysterical, tells them to discuss amongst themselves and leaves. Both Cary and Stephanie say they’re done. I might add that Cary has a real job as a nurse and had just gotten off of five hours of surgery, after which she had to deal with this nonsense.

Next time, Stephanie and Brandi take a road trip, Brandi’s grandfather visits, Leeanne and Brandi go at it with Leeanne wagging her finger all over the place.

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