May 23, 2016 – GH & the Not So Charming South

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Like a good stage manager should, Felix yells at everyone to focus and get everything ready. Brad and Lucas talk about how everything is always a mess before the Nurses Ball, but somehow it comes together at the last minute. Just as Lucas says nothing bad is going to happen, something falls with a loud crash.

Hayden tells Curtis that being broke is no picnic. It isn’t for Nicholas either, who’s calling the bank to make his deposit liquid immediately and staring at the shiny big diamond he’s going to sell. He trips over something of Spencer’s and the diamonds go everywhere. Elizabeth comes in and he asks her not to tell anyone.

Obrecht tells Finn she’s been doing research on him. She says his former employer has some strange privacy protocols. He asks what she’s looking for. She says she wants to make sure the trail of corpses didn’t start at a previous job. He says she’s crazy and she says her only concern is the patients.

Julian gives Alexis a gorgeous necklace, like that’s going to make her forget he’s a murderer. She says he’s trying to buy her silence. He asks if every gesture he makes is going to be picked apart now. Yeah, probably.

Sonny and Michael are on the plane and Michael says he’s going to follow Sonny’s lead. Sonny says the line between business and family has been blurred, but this is the first and last time.

Sabrrrina begs for her life. Marcos says he was crazy to let Carrrlos talk him into hiding her. He says practically the whole world is looking for her, including Sonny. She suggests he turn her over to Sonny. She says she used to date Michael and Marcos says Michael has already been looking for her. She tells him he’ll just make it worse if he kills her. Marcos says he has to cover his tracks so there’s nothing to connect them. Just as he’s about to shoot, Michael comes storming in with Sonny right behind. Michael knocks Marcos down and gets the gun away. Well, Marcos just made a mess for himself.

Elizabeth asks where the diamonds came from. Nicholas tells her it’s a recent acquisition, and even though she’s usually a dimbulb, Elizabeth figures it out right away. She says if he turns them over to the Feds, Hayden will be gone forever. He says too late, he’s already sold one.

Hayden says she hates being poor more than she hates being wronged. She tells Curtis she has something going on the side that might change things. She says she’ll catch up to him later and maybe he’ll change his mind about stealing the diamonds back.

Valerie tries to talk Bobbie into being in her act, but Bobbie says she’s already doing something and she’s not feeling that great. Lucas asks if she’s sick and she says she wouldn’t miss the Nurses Ball; it’s her favorite night of the year. Since they made a point of her not feeling well, I assume this is going to factor in later. Brad and Lucas look like cats who ate canaries and Lucas says this might be her favorite one ever.

Hayden asks to talk to Finn. He says no. She gives him a check for ten grand and says it doesn’t begin to cover his loss, but it’s a start. He says money can’t bring the people back who died because of her father’s greed. I’m kind of surprised he’s being so unreasonable.

Sonny tells Michael to take Sabrrrina back to the plane. Marcos starts to babble and Sonny tells him to shut up. He says if Marcos wants to save his own life, he’ll tell him about Julian Jerome. Ha-ha! Big baby Marcos isn’t so tough anymore.

Julian asks if Alexis is going to second guess everything now, but she says she loves him and she just needs to process things. He says blah-blah-blah their future is entirely in their own hands. He gets a call from Lucas who wants to ask him something in person and asks Julian to meet him at the hospital. Julian asks Alexis if she wants to come, but she says she has a lot of work and a manicure appointment. And she’s washing her hair. I made that last one up. Julian leaves and Alexis breaks out the bloody shirt. She makes a call, asking someone to come over immediately.

Curtis tells Valerie her rehearsal looked good. She says what about his act, and he says it’s top secret.

Bobbie tells Brad she’s happy he’s joining the family. Felix overhears her talking about them getting married at the Nurses Ball. There goes that secret.

Nathan asks Julian to be his best man. Julian says he’ll have to find someone else. He says nothing would make him happier, but he doesn’t want to steal the spotlight since he’s been in the news recently. Lucas says they don’t care, but Julian says he wants something better for them.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth the diamonds are leverage against Hayden and also collateral. He says they can help him maintain his lifestyle until he gets it together. He says because of the diamonds, he was able to contribute to the Nurses Ball. Elizabeth says Lucy would have understood, but she’ll keep his secret.

Sonny grills big baby Marcos about Julian. He says Carrrlos kept him in the dark for the most part. Sonny is like, oh, so you got involved by accident? Marcos says he did and he doesn’t want any trouble with Sonny. Sonny says that’s too bad because now he has no use for Marcos. Marcos swears he didn’t know anything; he was just doing a favor for Carrrlos. Sonny tells him it’s going to be a costly favor.

Diane comes to Alexis’s house. Alexis wants Diane to be her attorney. I love Diane and can’t wait to see how this plays out. Diane asks if something has made her question Julian and Alexis says possibly. Diane asks if it has to do with Carrrlos, and tells her that she doesn’t have to worry about testifying against her husband. Alexis says it’s not Julian she’s worried about; it’s herself.

Sabrrrina thanks Michael and asks why he came after she lied to him and ditched him. She explains how Carrrlos talked her into going with him, but she realized immediately that it was a bad choice. Michael says she should have come to him. She says she picked up the phone a bunch of times, but she was with the man who shot his father and she was afraid. Michael tells her Carrrlos is dead and she says she knew already, and God help her, she was relieved. Michael says he’s the one who found him, but Carrrlos wouldn’t tell her where she was and then died at the hospital.

Nicholas tells Lucy he’ll be at the Nurses Ball with his wife. Hayden comes in and asks where he got money for the donation. He says he re-positioned some of his assets. She says he doesn’t have any and realizes he sold some of her diamonds.

Hayden wrestles Nicholas for the diamonds. They end up in a compromising position and almost kiss. He tells her that she has to play the doting wife at the Nurses Ball. She asks what she’s supposed to wear and he gives her a diamond, saying hock this. She says they both have leverage on the other, but he has more to lose than she does.

Sonny tells Marcos he’s not going to shoot him…today. A cop enters and Sonny says he makes a point of cooperating with law enforcement. He says Marcos’s associates are going to testify against him. Marcos calls him a bastard, but Sonny says don’t blame him, blame Carrrlos.

Curtis suggests he and Valerie do a number together. He says he can just stand there and she can make him look good.

Brad asks Felix to be his best man. Felix says yes, and Lucas says Brad is doing better than him. Lucas calls Sam and she agrees to be his best person.

Diane tells Alexis that if she has evidence, she should come out with it now before the police find it independently. She asks if Julian has been threatening her. She shows Diane the necklace and says she loves Julian, but can barely look at him. Diane says he should know better than to buy her silence. Alexis says she’s not necessarily afraid of him, just afraid. Diane promises to be at her side every step of the way and asks if she thinks she can turn him in. Alexis says she has to be able to sleep at night. Julian walks in. He has the best timing of any character on the show.

Elizabeth tries to talk to Finn and he blows her off, then goes back to apologize. He says Roxie is almost as misunderstood as he is, but she would even be embarrassed at his behavior. He leaves and Obrecht tells Elizabeth to stay away from him and that he’s not who he seems to be. She doesn’t know in what way, but she’s going to find out.

Sonny gets back to the plane and tells Michael about Marcos. He says Marcos was too scared to lie and he has to find another way to get Julian.

Diane tells Julian she’s there to steal Alexis away. Alexis says they’re going for a manicure together for the Nurses Ball. Julian says Lucas wanted him to be his best man, but he said no because of the publicity. Diane tells Alexis they have to move or they’ll be late. Outside, Alexis says that she doesn’t want Julian arrested before the wedding, so they’re really going for a manicure. Julian peeks out in between the blinds.

Tomorrow, the Nurses Ball! Carly tells us that this year it’s going to be better than ever. I always wonder how Lucy will lose her clothes. I love tradition on this show. Like the Quartermaines having pizza every Thanksgiving.

Southern Charm

Who knew Craig was going to be the one to get a clue? He tells Whitney he’s just mad that Kathryn hooked up with his best friend after being with him. He says it’s the only logical explanation for the hate. Cameran isn’t believing it, but he says give him a better explanation then. He says they can’t come up with a reason for hating Kathryn so much. Whitney is aghast that Craig is believing Kathryn over him. Craig says Whitney keeps saying Kathryn offended him, so how? Whitney just keeps calling her a lying psychopath.

Craig reminds Whitney about him calling Craig out at his parents’ for being a lazy bum. Craig doesn’t believe you can be so passionate about hating someone unless it was personal. In his interview, Shep says if he was a shrink, he’d be wondering about Whitney’s passionate protests and brings up the Shakespeare quote about protesting too much. Whitney claims it was a one-night stand and starts getting stupid. Shep finally tells everyone to shut up. Whitney calls Craig names and leaves the deck. In his interview, Craig says Whitney’s being a bully has come back to haunt him.

Cameran tells Craig he should be ashamed and he says he had to get it off his chest. Cameran says Whitney has never been hurt over a girl, and wonders if Craig is just creating drama. Shep says he’s sick of blubbering idiots and goes to get champagne. Dani says it’s not okay to sit around and say how crazy Kathryn is and if they’re going to say something about Kathryn, Thomas should be discussed too, because it takes two. JD says their relationship has affected everyone. Cameran says it’s sick and pathetic to watch.

Craig tells Shep this has been a huge source of animosity among the friends, but Shep says he’s annoyed this all came about at his house. He says it isn’t the time or place for Craig’s theories. Cameran tells Craig he should apologize to Whitney. For what? Cameran calls baby Whitney back in and Craig says he’s sorry he upset Whitney, but he thinks there was more going on between him and Kathryn. Why is this such an outlandish idea? Cameran tells him to care about things that matter , you know, because another human being doesn’t. I don’t get this irrational hate either and figure Craig is right.

Naomie tells Craig he was rude and he ruined everyone’s night. Craig says he’s sorry, but in his interview, he says if you don’t stand up for people, you’re a coward and he believes this is the truth.Whitney gets absolutely insane about someone he claims to care nothing about? Really? And we saw that she was keeping her clothing at his house, so wtf? I liked Whitney at the beginning, but he’s turned out to be one big d-bag. I liked his mother too, but ditto. You’re not all that anymore, honey. If you ever were.

Whitney says he woke up angry. Oh man, he is totally lying about that one-night stand. Otherwise, he would just laugh it off. He says Craig is just harboring resentment about how Whitney behaved at Craig’s parents’, which at least he admits wasn’t quite the right approach. Cameran and Whitney leave. Bye, Felicias!

Thomas calls Kathryn. She tells him her induction date has been moved up. Her blood pressure has been like a roller coaster, so the doctor wants to get the baby born.

At breakfast, Landon tells Shep she had fun except for the Craig thing. Shep says he doesn’t get hangovers from drinking, but he does from stupid stuff. Dani has left too, but because of work. Craig says Whitney can dish it out, but he can’t take it, and ran away like the guilty party he is.

Patricia goes to visit Whitney, who is playing guitar badly. It’s Whitney’s third loft in three years and Patricia says they’ve all looked like Isis prison camps. She asks about the trip. Wait for it….

He doesn’t want to talk about it. Patricia lets it go, since Southern WASPs don’t talk about their feelings. She asks him to bring his girlfriend, Larissa, around some time. Whitney talks about a guy’s trip to LA, but says he only has two bedrooms, so he’s only inviting Thomas and Shep. Patricia says she saw JD at the bank and asked what Craig actually does for him, and JD said Craig is his bitch. These people might be Southern, but not so charming. As a matter-of-fact, they’re pretty rude. Is this what old money does to you?

Thomas can’t get ahold of Kathryn. Nanny Dawn says Kathryn is angry because he’s going to LA with Whitney and if anything happens, he’ll never get back in time. Dawn tells him Kathryn left, but she doesn’t know where she went. She says Kathryn is overwhelmed and this could have been avoided. Cool that the nanny is on Kathryn’s side.

Craig has invited Cameran to lunch to clear the air. Naomie says she’s never seen Whitney so upset. Craig says they seem to be on a mission to ostracize Kathryn and he’s surprised at Cameran. Naomie was shocked at how crazy everyone got and says she’d rather not hear about it anymore. Craig still believes what he believes, but doesn’t think it’s worth losing friendships over.

Whitney gets to his place in LA to clean up a little before the guys’ weekend. Thomas calls and says he’s not coming because of Kathryn. Whitney doesn’t get it, but says he has to do his fatherly duties and maybe another time. Thomas feels it’s better to keep things peaceful.

Cameran meets Craig for lunch. She’s another one I liked at first, but I think has become unreasonable. She tells him Whitney was really hurt about him taking Kathryn’s side. Craig says in his head it was a question, but it came off as an accusation. Cameran says Whitney doesn’t have the hots for Kathryn, he just doesn’t like her. Even if that’s the case, why can’t he at least be polite? Craig asks if they’re good and Cameran says she’s fine, but he has to make it right with Whitney. I also don’t get why this group is so supportive of Thomas, who is like the biggest idiot on earth and should be hanging out with people his own age. For a moment, I wonder why I’m watching this, since apparently, I can’t stand any of these people.

Thomas has flowers sent to Kathryn, who has a beautiful white dog. Wow. The lady delivers them in a vase with water already in it. No muss, no fuss. The note just says, “I’m very sorry – love, Thomas.” To the point.

Whitney calls Shep and tells him Thomas can’t make it. Shep asks about bringing Craig and tells Whitney he should be the better person and in his interview, says that grudges are for losers. Whitney makes some lowbrow comments, but says he’ll think about it. Anyone who dates this jerk has to be in it for the money. He has zero personality and even less of a sense of humor. He also uses words that make him sound educated, but seem inappropriate.

Craig visits Kathryn, who says she thinks Kensie has a crush on him. Aww! I’ll bet he’s cute with kids. Craig tells her about the fight at Shep’s house and how panicked Whitney got when he brought up that Whitney might have feelings for Kathryn. Craig says he was just trying to mend the friend circle, but thinks there’s no going back. He tells Kathryn she shouldn’t care though. Kathryn says ultimately the truth will come out and she only wants positivity for the new baby.

Larissa comes to LA. Whitney gives her a heart-shaped mylar balloon that says “I love you.” Bleh. He couldn’t do better than that? He’s written her a song. I put in earplugs. Yep, it’s bad.

Shep meets Craig at his bar. Craig asks if he’s talked to Whitney. Shep says it wasn’t a lose friends situation, but it was a dent. He says he’s been working behind the scenes for an invite to LA for Craig. Craig swears he won’t bug Whitney anymore about the Kathryn thing. Shep tells him he put his rep on the line because he cares about him.

Commercial break. Nine Lives looks really funny, and you can’t beat a Kevin Spacey/ Christopher Walken combo. Seriously, what could be any better?

Thomas visits Kathryn. Dawn takes Kelsie to the park. Thomas is putting together a piece of baby furniture. Kathryn tells Thomas her feelings are hurt because Whitney is always trying to put a wedge between them. She thinks that Thomas has made progress in co-parenting and she’s annoyed that Whitney wanted Thomas to go away so close to when she’ll need him. She tells him he should be around people who want him to be a better person and the best father he can be.

Next time, The LA trip, Craig apologizes to Whitney, Landon thinks she has a chance with Shep (please, no), JD can’t find Craig, JD suggests a paternity test to Thomas.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Leeanne and Tiffany meet for lunch, along with Leeanne’s friend, Heidi Dillon. Apparently, I’m supposed to know who she is, but she looks like someone who shouldn’t be wearing what she’s wearing – some kind of outfit Kanye West might show up in. Leeanne says Heidi is her mentor. Tiffany’s husband is doing a charity event at the House of Blues and she invites Heidi.

Heidi is having a dinner party so she can meet the other girls. She’s going to be making a Frito chili pie, whatever that is. It doesn’t look like something that goes with this woman’s lifestyle. Tiffany suggests inviting Stephanie and Brandi. Leeanne says she probably won’t like Brandi, but Heidi says she’ll keep an open mind. I already don’t like Heidi, since she alludes that Cary got her rich husband by doing something nasty under his desk. I don’t know what was up with how they got together, but Cary doesn’t seem like someone who would sleep her way to the top.

Mark and Cary’s practice is going crazy busy after they updated the website. It’s their six-year anniversary. Mark tells Cary she knows what he wants for his present. They kiss through their surgical masks. Bluebirds fly around with ribbons in their mouths. Well, they would if this was a Disney cartoon.

Brandi talks to her mom, Jana. Her brother, Michael, has PTSD from serving in Afghanistan and she says he’s not sleeping or eating. He tried to take his own life and they’re both worried for him. Brandi visits Stephanie, who took the kids to school before realizing one of them wasn’t wearing shoes. Brandi tells her about Michael. She says she was angry with him for saying things like there’s no God, but she didn’t realize how bad it was. Brandi says she doesn’t know what she’d do without Stephanie. Yeah, especially with that cold fish of a husband she has. Go back to work, Bryan, and stay there. Just send the check.

Leeanne and Tiffany go shopping for House of Blues dresses. Tiffany is a little concerned because it’s the first time all the girls are getting together since Marie’s cocktail party. Leeanne says she wants to apologize to Stephanie, but doesn’t think she owes Brandi an apology. Really? She said some very nasty things about her. Tiffany tells her about Brandi’s brother and Leeanne feels marginally like an ass. Tiffany just wants to put the whole mess behind them.

Cary and Mark have a drink at home after work. She says there are a lot of haters who think Mark just wanted to sleep with her for a while, but they’re best friends. Mark’s personal shopper brings something from Roberto Cavalli for her. No surprise it’s amazing and he says it should be since it cost more than his first car. She gives him a lovey-dovey card and will be giving him a private present. In her interview, Cary says haters gonna hate, but they love each other, the end. Good on ya!

Brandi meets Bryan for lunch. She feels anxious and nervous because she doesn’t know what to expect. She thinks their lack of communication needs to be addressed. They talk about Michael. She says she feels alone and surprise! Bryan apologizes for being a jerk. Brandi says it hurt her feelings when he barely showed up to meet her grandfather. I’m totally shocked and amazed when he apologizes again and says they need to find couple time. She says he rarely apologizes and she’s thrilled. Okay, he’s back on my good side.

Commercial break. Is it wrong for me to be thinking about tomorrow’s breakfast already?

Stephanie meets Leeanne for lunch. It’s so hard to look at Leeanne because all I see is blush. Leeanne apologizes and Stephanie says Leeanne really hurt her feelings. Leeanne says she was coming from a place of pain, but that’s not really her. I hate when people say that. Who was it then? She says she was really hurt as a child and when anyone tries to hurt her, she gets loud. I think Brandi is absolutely right; she needs therapy. She’s too old to be using this as an excuse to be mean. Stephanie thinks the apology is more for Leeanne than her, but she just wants to get past it. Leeanne moves on to talking more about herself and how she’s a motivational speaker. In her interview, Stephanie says Leeanne is the most self-absorbed, narcissistic person she’s ever met and it’s beyond exhausting. Leeanne invites her to whatever conference she’s speaking at.

It’s time for the House of Blues event. The girls arrive and Leeanne introduces Heidi, who is wielding a fan. Cary thinks she should tone it down and I agree. Heidi says she’s having a dinner party and the theme is goth state fair. Okay. Keith Urban Aaron takes the stage. He’s not bad. He dedicates a song to Brandi’s brother and says his life means a great deal and to keep the faith. What a nice guy. Leeanne feels guilty and wants to move beyond the drama. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Leeanne is getting ready for Heidi’s party. She says the only person she’s hesitant to see is Cary, but boyfriend Rich says she’s great and Leeanne is just passing along gossip. She says she’ll work on being a better Christian and a better human. I see we have a long road to travel.

Cary is also getting ready for Heidi’s party. She’s bringing her friend Courtney. They talk about Leeanne and Cary’s makeup artist says something about her blush. Thank you. See? I wasn’t just picking on her.

The guests arrive and some of the outfits are pretty interesting. I think Brandi might have gotten her dress at Spirit Halloween. Cary arrives and says she feels negative energy. She focuses on Ralph the dog, which is exactly what I would do. Heidi complains to Leeanne that Cary didn’t say hello right away, but um, she’s the hostess. Shouldn’t she be making the guest feel welcome? Especially one that doesn’t know her?

Apparently a Frito pie isn’t really a pie. It’s basically a pile of Fritos with chili on it. Tiffany thinks Cary is being a snob because it’s her defense mechanism. Heidi says Cary is going to do a demonstration with a corn dog. What?! She’s a disgusting old crone.

Heidi wonders why people aren’t mingling and Cary says she thinks there’s some tension. For a goth state fair party, this is pretty freakin’ dull. Leeanne says Heidi’s parties are like powwows, but it’s obviously not working. Ooh, Heidi is friends with Mark’s ex-wife. That explains a lot. Yep, I was just going to say I’d leave if I was her and she heard me.

Stephanie says she feels like she’s the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on. Leeanne just stares at Cary as she makes her exit. More Southerners who are not so charming tonight.

Next time, Travis has a birthday, Leeanne makes a speech, and Brandi and Leeanne talk.

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