Monthly Archives: May 2016

May 20, 2016 – GH Plus GH Plus Couch Quotes

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital – Thursday

Ava comes to the MetroCourt and sees Kiki. She’s happy Kiki is back out in the world. Ava tells her that everything has worked itself out and she’s ready to re-embrace the things that really matter, like bringing Avery home. Kiki isn’t too thrilled. Ava says Franco is a certified lunatic and that she’s not even exaggerating. She wants to start fresh with Kiki and Avery, and wants to leave Port Charles with them tonight.

Carly visits Morgan. Morgan asks what’s up because he can tells something is. She tells him about Jason getting his memory back. Carly says Jason has proved things can turn around in a moment, and she’s happy to see Morgan improving too. He apologizes for hurting her and the family.

Obrecht asks to talk to Monica. She tells Monica her management is a disaster and there are terrible things happening under Finn’s watch. She wants an investigation. Monica says she’s reviewed the patients in question and finds everything satisfactory. Obrecht says that it’s policy to investigate if there are two deaths of patients under a newbie’s care.

Ned and Dillon tell Tracy they heard about her antics in trying to keep the baby for herself. Tracy says she’s sure the baby is Sabrrrina’s and was left there on purpose. She talks about how she was friends with Sabrrrina and the guys balk at that. They think it’s more likely she left the baby for Michael. Tracy is like, what difference does it make when they live in the same house?

The baby is doing well and Michael speaks with the social services rep. Dante brings the results of the DNA test in and the baby is Sabrrrina’s. Dante is trying to grow a beard and ‘stache, and I’m thinking, not a good look. They discuss where Sabrrrina might be. Michael tells Dante about the visit to Sabrrrina’s tante and thinks they should contact her.

Finn talks to Roxie, who is wearing a little harness. He tells her he has to be careful about everything he does.

Carly asks Morgan for a Kiki update and he says they’re keeping in touch. He wants to make up for all the bad stuff that happened between them.

Ava wants to have a bonding weekend with the girls. She suggests Kiki can find a way for her to see Sonny’s side of things. She wants to be a family, but Kiki says something happens every time she says that. Kiki agrees to the trip. Her phone rings an it’s Morgan. She tells him she’s on the visitor list for today and she’ll see him after work. Kiki tells Ava she can’t go after all. She doesn’t want to leave Morgan right now.

No luck with Sabrrrina’s tante. The social worker says that they’ve found a long-term foster family for the baby. Another baby with no name. Michael promises No Name he’ll find his mom.

Dillon leaves and Ned wants to talk to Tracy. He can’t believe she wanted to keep a baby that wasn’t hers and Tracy brings up Olivia’s baby and how Ned pretended it was his. He says it’s a tough road when you become attached to a baby you’ll become separated from. She thanks him for the life lesson. When he leaves, Tracy gets on the phone and tells whoever is on the other end, “let’s move.”

Obrecht tells Finn his lab time has been canceled. Monica says he has to appear before a review board. The meeting commences. He and Obrecht go back and forth a little until Monica tells them to knock it off. Monica says the death reports are consistent with what Finn has said. Obrecht says one of the patients is still on ice and they need to wait for the autopsy. Finn accuses Obrecht of causing an upheaval because she’s mad at him for losing her job. Monica says she’s made a decision.

Dante found out that someone from San Juan did come to Port Charles and returned immediately. Michael tells him about the foster care. Oddly enough, the long-term foster caregiver is Tracy. She thanks the social worker for cutting through the red tape. She asks if Michael knows where the baby is, and she says for now he doesn’t, and Tracy says she’ll deal with giving him the news.

Dillon talks to Kiki, who thanks him for helping her get it together. He asks her how she feels about loud music and large crowds. He says he has a photography assignment to shoot a band called Glamour Boys and would like her to come along. Kiki says she was their biggest fan when she was in high school, but she never got to see them. She says she has to make sure her shifts are covered.

Ava visits Morgan. He’s surprised and she says she just wants to see how he’s doing. He asks why she’s really there. Me too, since don’t you have to be on the visitor list? She says at one time, they were everything to each other and she was hoping they wouldn’t have to cross paths again, but Kiki loves him. He says he’s hoping to get out soon and Ava says she’s glad he’s feeling better because she’s needed to tell him something for a while.

Monica sees nothing wrong and doesn’t think an autopsy should be performed. When she takes a vote, only Obrecht objects. Monica tells Finn her confidence in him was and is unwavering. Afterward, Finn says he’s glad Obrecht called the meeting because it cements her reputation as a lunatic, and to stay away from him. She says she watches everything and knows he’s hiding something.

Dante tells Michael whoever came to Port Charles can’t be found. The social worker says it’s not her place, but she’s wondering why Tracy went to such trouble for a temporary situation. Tracy says she’s right, it’s not her place, thanks her and tells her good-by. Tracy calls the baby Edward, saying it’s the perfect name. Any name would be perfect. Just name him already.

Ava tells Morgan that Kiki is in a fragile place. She says things between him and Kiki always seem to take a negative turn, and she’s concerned about it happening again. She says she knows they love one another, but he should do the right thing and break things off. Morgan compares her request to wiping prints off of a murder weapon. She asks if he can promise never to hurt Kiki again and although he says yes, she’s doubtful. She says he can prove how much he loves her by doing the best thing for her.

Finn talks into a tape recorder about the patients that died. Obrecht makes a call to find out the patient deaths during Finn’s tenure at the last hospital he worked in.

Ned comes in to Tracy giving baby Edward a lesson on stocks and commodities. Michael calls Sonny and asks for a favor.

Tomorrow, Nicholas tells Hayden the games are over, Sonny knows where Sabrrrina is, and Ava comes for Avery.

General Hospital – Friday

Hayden and Curtis are having lunch. Nicholas approaches, tells Hayden, “game over,” and places some documents on the table. One of them is a court order. He says if he finds anything else missing from his home, they’re both going to jail.

Lucy discusses the Nurses Ball with Dillon. She suggests his stunningly beautiful girlfriend be in his act, meaning Kiki. Lucy gives him flyers to put everywhere and runs. Dillon tells Kiki it would be fun to see her make a fool of herself along with him, so she should consider being in the show.

Meanwhile, in Puerto Rico, Sabrrrina’s tante tells her that her son is safe in Port Charles. She also tells her that Carrrlos is dead. Sabrrrina is bummed because their child will never know his father. She talks about what a huge mistake it was to run away with him. She wants to go back to Port Charles, but her tante says that’s impossible.

Sonny tells Michael that his associates in San Juan are setting things up. Carly tells him he doesn’t have to look for Sabrrrina himself, but Michael says he does. Carly says he’s putting himself in danger and Sabrrrina has done nothing but cause trouble for him. He says she’s in trouble and he has to help her. Carly tells him to be careful. Sonny enters and asks who won. Carly says, who do you think? Sonny says the plane is ready.

Ava tells Morgan that Kiki has been through a lot and he should let her go so she can live in peace. Morgan says if Kiki wants that, she’ll say so. Ava says he’s dangerous, but Morgan says Ava is more dangerous than he is. Ava brings up some past incidents and says Kiki has been hurt because of him and his love isn’t healthy for her. She hopes he does the right thing.

Brad and Lucas are planning their wedding. Lucas suggest they get married at the Nurses Ball. They need to budget and the food, flowers and venue is included for free. He says it will be coming full circle for them. Brad agrees.

Lucy wants a word with Nicholas. Curtis leaves, but not before Lucy tells him no carbs before his performance. She’s looking for a check from Nicholas, since he’s their most generous donor. He says he doesn’t have his checkbook. She suggests a wire transfer and gives him a guilt trip. He says he’ll get it to her asap. When she leaves, Hayden says he doesn’t have the money, does he?

Carly says she disagrees with what Michael is doing, but respects why he’s doing it. Sonny finagles a kiss good-by from a miffed Carly who calls him a shameless manipulator. He tells her not to worry. I’m sure that phrase is on constant rotation at their house. Outside, Sonny tells Michael he thinks he knows where Sabrrrina is.

Sabrrrina’s tante tells her that her son Marcos has guards all around. She was able to sneak the baby out, but Sabrrrina is a little bigger. Marcos comes in. He knows the baby is gone and wonders how he can get out of this. The police are questioning everyone about Sabrrrina’s whereabouts. Maybe I missed something, but why does this guy even care?

Kiki visits Morgan. They make small talk. She tells him she might be in the Nurses Ball show and asks if he’ll be out in time to see it. He’s hoping the doctors let him out soon. Kiki wonders why he seems withdrawn and asks if it’s the meds. He says no.

Ava goes to Sonny’s place and tells Carly she’s come to take Avery home. Carly protests, but Ava reminds her that she’s the custodial parent. Carly says Kristina took her to play group. Ava says she’ll wait. She tells Calry that after today, they won’t see Avery again, and goes up to pack Avery’s things. Carly calls Max and tells him to circumvent a delivery of baby furniture going to Ava’s penthouse.

Hayden asks Nicholas if money is tight and he tells her it’s none of her business. She says she was willing to walk away with the prenup money and they could have avoided this whole mess. She tells him none of the ELQ money was his to begin with and asks if this is why he smashed the antique teapot. He tells her again to mind he own business and leaves. Curtis brings Hayden a drink.

Lucas asks Lucy if they can add something to the show. She starts to freak, and he explains that they want to get married on stage with her officiating. Of course she says yes. Lucy gets super excited and Lucas tells her to keep things under wraps. I’m already wondering how Lucy will end up out of her wraps.

Sonny says his guys are doing them a favor, so Michael has to let him take the lead. He says he’s confident they can find Sabrrrina, but in the end, Michael might not get what he wants.

Marcos says that now he has nothing but problems. Sabrrrina says to let her leave and she’ll never tell anyone he was hiding her and the baby. Sabrrrina’s tante tells him he’s known her since she was a baby and knows he can trust her. He says he has to pave the way, she can’t just walk out. Sabrrrina thanks her tante, who says she’ll be reunited with her son soon. She leaves and Marcos locks the door. He has a gun.

Nicholas also dropped off an inventory of everything in the house. Curtis can’t believe it, but Hayden says they have meticulous records down to the butter knives. He asks what she wants to do now. She says she’d be gone if she still had the diamonds. Which, as they speak, Nicholas is trying to sell. The dealer says he’s required to report any stolen gems and Nicholas says he can do that, but he’d lose out on a fabulous diamond.

Kiki tells Morgan that they’ve been through a lot, but they’ve both changed. She wants to know if something happened between the phone call and her visit. He says part of being in there is dealing with the truth, even if it sucks. He says they’re not good for each other and he doesn’t think she should visit again. He says they want to help each other, but they can’t have a relationship built on chaos. She says she didn’t see that coming, but fine, she’s done with worrying about him.

Ava tells Carly that Avery is never setting foot in Sonny’s house again. Her phone rings. Ava says the delivery people had an accident and if she didn’t know any better, she’d think Carly and Sonny had something to do with it. She says she’ll be back with social services. She leaves and Carly says she’s just started.

Marcos tells Sabrrrina that he told his mother what she wanted to hear. He says the cops will pick her up immediately if she leaves. They’ll trace her movements and that will be bad for business. Is he in business with Sonny? Sabrrrina says his mother will know, and he says maybe, but she’ll never ask about it.

Hayden tells Curtis that Nicholas’s financial issues must be more serious than she thought. She might actually be poor.

The dealer tells Nicholas they can do business.

Sonny tells Michael that he doesn’t approve of a relationship with Sabrrrina after she ran off with Carrrlos. He does admire Michael’s compassion though.

On Monday, Nicholas tells Elizabeth to keep something to herself, Sabrrrina begs for her life, and Bobbie and Valerie pump Lucas for information.

The People’s Couch Quotes of the Week

The blonde one with the fake boobs. Joe when asked which Housewife is his favorite.

I just choked on that shade. Scott, referring to Bethenny’s take on Erika Jayne.

This is like tilapia to me. Princella, referring to the Potomac area of Maryland.

We know where Potomac is now. Shadesville. Scott after watching The Real Housewives of Potomac.

May 18, 2016 – GH, Big Apple Little Women & Wives

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

I had a late lunch with a friend and missed it. I tried watching it On Demand, but for some reason, the picture and sound kept breaking up. Thanks, Verizon! Finally, I caught it on Hulu, so here are the highlights I grasped while I was doing three other things.

Laura returns to the disco – she and Doc pretend like they’re going to buy it. As if the realtor would still have the disco ball hanging there. And the sparkly crepe paper, which hasn’t aged.

Tracy insists the baby is just some random child who was left there, but Michael asks her what would be the odds of anyone leaving a baby on their doorstep? He has a good point, and that baby looks very Spanish, which narrows the odds even more.

Felix wants Finn to participate in the Nurses Ball. I can’t say enough good things about Michael Easton in this role. He’s been far too serious for far too long on One Life to Live and then GH. He hasn’t had any fun since vamping it up in Port Charles.

Hayden tries to get Nicholas to help her take photos of the stuff she wants to sell online. She says New York is a community property state, so it’s their stuff. I like seeing these two back together again. They have a lot of chemistry, and Hayden brings out a side of Nicholas that Elizabeth certainly doesn’t.

Laura tells Doc about Luke raping her at the disco, and tries to justify it somewhat. Will we never get away from this? To his credit, Doc tells her not to blame herself. GH dug a hole for itself with this one years ago and they keep reopening it. Laura says she has no regrets and nothing Helena can do will change that. Doc says Helena is just playing mind games. Laura says Helena is probably looking up at her – hahahaha! – instead of looking down on her.

Jason visits Sonny and tells him he remembers everything now. We trip down Memory Lane. Jason apologizes for being a jerk, and Sonny says fuggedaboutit. Jason doesn’t exactly want to work for Sonny again, but tells him that he has Sonny’s back when it comes to Julian. Sonny says he’ll only ask if he has to and welcomes Jason home. Awww!

Finn gets into the drug cabinet via a clueless Felix, but we don’t see what, if anything, he takes. Tracy has him come to the Quartermaine mansion to check the baby and he suggests getting blood work done. Hayden pops in and asks for a job, since Nicholas shamed her into using her brain to make money. Tracy tells her to get lost. Tracy also has baby fever and names the baby Edward.

Diane brings the happy news to Nicholas that he owes back business taxes. I’m guessing he might not be responsible since he no longer owns the company, but I’m sure a lawsuit or prison is of concern if he doesn’t pony up. Nicholas acts like it’s a personal affront that Jason brought down on him. Diane suggests he sell some of his stuff on eBay if he can’t scratch up the cash.

The realtor says the disco is owned by Lloyd and Lucy Johnson, psudonyms of Luke and Laura at one time. Doc tells Laura that maybe they should be Lloyd and Lucy Johnson 2.0.

Michael takes the baby to the hospital when Tracy isn’t looking.

No preview.

The Real Housewives of NYC

I have the answer to Sonja’s question, if being Sonja is so wrong, why does it feel so right? Because you’re tipsy, girl. BA-DUM-CHH!

Sonja gets ready for The Countess’s arrival. She shows The Countess to the guest suite, which is pretty impressive. It’s a nice townhouse. The Countess says she thinks Sonja feels more stable with her around. She tells Sonja she wasn’t expecting the unveiling of the wine at Sonja’s birthday party. She asks if Sonja talked to Bethenny about the name of her product being thisclose to SkinnyGirl. Sonja claims that someone else came up with the name. Someone who must never have heard of Bethenny or the liquor line she manufactures.

Bethenny says she’s been dragged into the press with Sonja’s product. Ramona and Carole meet her for dinner. Apparently, Sonja has been saying Bethenny is her mentor and has set up a meeting with her. Bethenny says she saw the rip-off name on Page Six of the Post. She says her partners are seriously annoyed, especially after she brought Sonja into a business meeting to help her. They discuss Sonja’s narcissism, and Carole says this could cost Sonja a friendship.

Commercial break. I love The Real Housewives in Wonderland ads. I’m also wonder(land)ing what that’s about.

Ramona and Dorinda meet for breakfast. Ramona says she can’t quite accept John for Dorinda, but if she wants a relationship with Dorinda, she’s going to have to. Um…that’s right and wtf business is it of yours to accept anyone for anyone? Dorinda asks Ramona what she thinks about Tipsy Girl. Ramona says she’s disenchanted with her friendship with Sonja and doesn’t think tipsy anything is a good idea for her. Dorinda tries some cryptic talk about Ramona’s relationship with Sonja when she’s really talking about the both of them.

Somehow she changes the topic to her and John, and tells Ramona she has to respect that John is a part of her life. She doesn’t want to feel awkward any more. Ramona says she’s trying, but her mouth gets in the way. Dorinda tells her that if she can’t act like a normal adult, to pretend.

Bethenny was out until 4 am on her date. She says it’s someone she’s known for a while and it was a surprise to see potential. She’s at her office and Sonja comes by for the meeting. Sonja is thinking how wonderful it’s going to be to see each other. How can any human being possibly be this clueless?

Sonja tells Bethenny that her personal website has the same colors as Bethenny’s office. Funny you should say that. Bethenny brings up Tipsy Girl. She thinks Sonja’s partner, Peter, is shady. Sonja says he owns the rights to the name Tipsy Girl. Bethenny asks about Sonja’s distributors and Sonja can’t name one of them. This should come as a surprise to absolutely no one.

Sonja claims she was just testing out the product at her party. Bethenny says a similar brand name is called a cheater brand because it rides on the coattails of another brand. Bethenny says she’s personally hurt since she brought Sonja into her brand summit, and she wants nothing to do with her. She says Sonja never even contacted her until the Page Six article. She says that Sonja is a fraud who only talks a lot. Sonja yaps about her chapter 11 bankruptcy again and starts crying. She should cry. She says wah-wah-wah, she wasn’t going to do anything big, she just wanted something fun she could serve at her parties. Bethenny says she feels badly for her, but she’s tired of Sonja playing stupid and she can’t have it both ways. Sonja says she just wants to get back to where she was. Bethenny says she has compassion, but Sonja says she’s not feeling it. Bethenny says she has to get back to work, wishes her well, and says she’s not going to have any more conversation on the subject. Sonja acts innocent, but makes a snide remark in the elevator, and the interns roll their eyes.

Jules’s nanny has quit. She took her Christmas bonus and never came back, even though she’s been with them for two years. What are we missing? Jules is going to do some interviews. Jules go over responsibilities with the first one. Jules shows her around and asks her to pick out an outfit for one of the girls. It’s a thumbs up for the outfit, but a thumbs down on her Spanish skills, because they want the kids to be fluent. What I didn’t like about this process was that the first thing they did was have Michael check out her Spanish, which sounded pretty good to me, but she said she wasn’t fluent. If this was a make or break issue, why did Jules continue with the interview? Again, I feel like I missed something, but maybe these people just don’t communicate well.

Carole is fostering a kitten named Vinny. Adam is back and putting on his chef’s apron. She says when he was away she “cheated,” eating all kinds of junk food. Carole’s dog, Baby, really loves the kitten, but Carole is refusing to get attached.

She and Adam are working on a cookbook called The Reluctant Vegan – with her being reluctant and Adam being the vegan. This sounds like something I would enjoy. I’d like to be a vegan, but I’m reluctant to give up burgers and sushi. I think if Adam was cooking for me, I’d be a lot less reluctant. Carole says she’s been warned not to mix business with pleasure, but they’re doing it anyway.

The Countess meets Sonja and Ramona at Sushi Roxx. They talk about the Countess’s many dates. She claims to have gone through a dry spell and Ramona says she’d hate to see what a not-so-dry spell is like. Then comes the TMI and I go ♫ la-la-la! ♫

John and Dorinda are at an event to honor one of the designers John does business with. Jules and Michael are also attending.

The Countess asks what happened at Sonja’s meeting with Bethenny. Sonja tells her that she was surprised Bethenny was so critical. The Countess suggests Bethenny needs a boyfriend. The girls move on to John’s event. Dorinda didn’t give Ramona an invite and wonders why she’s there. The Countess sees a former flame who didn’t end well. The guy comes over and acts like a total asshat. The Countess freaks and decides to leave. The dude keeps talking to Sonja and Ramona, and he’ obviously three sheets to the wind. He has no concept of personal space either and John asks him to leave.

Ramona makes a stink and says everything is cool, so John says she can leave too. Asshat is catching and Ramona acts ridiculous. John actually keeps his cool pretty well, but then has enough and puts his hand in Ramona’s face. Ramona leaves with Mr. Personality.

Dorinda says Ramona isn’t even supposed to be there and wonders how she dare make a scene. She goes outside and tells Ramona she needs to respect her when she’s at John’s event. No surprise, Ramona acts like an idiot and Dorinda tells her to get lost. Ramona continues to act stupid and says she doesn’t know what happened and tries to blame John, who for once had very little to do with it. Ramona leaves and Dorinda hails a taxi. John tries to get her to stay. She says his actions are correct, but his reactions negate them, and he didn’t act like a gentleman.

Next time, Ramona’s idiocy makes the Post, another trip to the Bershires is planned, and Dorinda excludes Sonja.

Little Women: NYC

Oh no. I’m seeing the tale end of Briana and Matt: Part Two, and apparently they’re staying together. Good luck with that. For those who don’t know me, when I say that, the translation is, all the luck in the world isn’t going to help you.

Jazmin meets up with Jason at the park. They’re going on a walk so Jazmin can vent about Dawn. She says Dawn is making it impossible to have a relationship and wonders if it’s time to be done with her. Jason says there isn’t enough love behind Dawn’s tough love. He tells Jazmin that she’s not Dawn the second, she’s Jazmin the first. Jasmin says she’s damned if she does, and damned if she doesn’t; Dawn nags at her no matter what. Jason thinks there might be some resentment because Jazmin is married to Dawn’s only brother. He wants to invite Dawn to his family home for dinner, so she can see a different family dynamic.

Lila wants to play Switzerland and visits Dawn. Dawn thinks there’s too much pressure for her and Jazmin to be friends just because they’re outlaws inlaws. Since Dawn has the tact of a rock being thrown at someone’s head, she tells Lila how she couldn’t understand why Jazmin was upset when Dawn publicly criticized her lipstick color. Lila says she lacks charm and manners, and she should be nice for it’s own sake.

Dawn says that she and David were adopted. Their parents were little people and they had to fend for themselves often, so she thinks everyone should do the same.

Jason has Jazmin and Dawn over to his parents’ house for dinner. When Jazmin comes in, Dawn makes a face like she smelled something bad. She’s annoyed that Jason didn’t tell her that Jazmin was coming. Dawn talks blah-blah-blah about independence. Jason says it’s good to know friends are there if you need them, but Dawn says you don’t have to live with people to know that they’re there. She feels there’s a high expectation when it comes to family and talks more nonsense. Jazmin says family is family no matter what and Jason says relationships take work. Dawn says she feels like she’s being talked at. Since she’s constantly talking at people, it’s about time the tables turned. She can’t deal, so she leaves before dessert, claiming she has to work. Jason is concerned he made things worse.

Dawn keeps babbling how she and Jazmin don’t have to be best friends just because they’re related, but fails to understand that no one is asking them to. They would just like Dawn to act halfway friendly. She seems to have no concept that there’s a huge spectrum between strangers and BFFs.

Commercial break with important information. The UnReal season premiere is June 6.

Jason asks to stop by Dawn’s place. She says okay, but isn’t sure he has her best interest at heart. He asks why she left so abruptly and she makes up excuses. She says she felt ambushed and Jason says he doesn’t get it. She says she’s sick of everyone jumping into her and Jazmin’s relationship and asks why he didn’t tell her Jazmin was going to be there. He says because he knows Dawn and didn’t think she would come. Dawn says everyone should mind their own business.

Jason invites everyone to go camping. He seems to think a peaceful weekend outside of the city will refresh them. I’ve decided Dawn always looks like she smelled something bad.

Lila and Katie get together. Lila feels that Katie wasn’t given the warmest reception to the group, so she’s treating her to a pedicure. Tiny, cute toes! Katie asks if Lila remembers her from a convention years ago and that Lila wasn’t too nice. Lila tells her if it happens in the future, just let her know. Lila was probably drinking back then. She says they’re both going through stressful, emotional changes.

Lila talks about losing her dad and how he was her hero. Katie says she loved her dad too, and it’s hard knowing he won’t see his grandchild. Lila says she’s dreading the big life moments to come without her dad. I identify, since my father passed away shortly before I got married. Katie says she’s surprised by Lila’s support and understanding.

Katie is struggling to put together a crib. Jess comes in with a dog she adopted (GiGi), and Katie wonders if Jess is expecting her to take care of it when she isn’t there. Jess says funny you should say that, and tells her about the camping trip.

Let the camping commence! The gang loads up the car and Dawn pretends to be excited. She immediately tries to start an argument with Jazmin. Jason says it’s going to be a long trip. Jazmin says something has been weighing on her that involves Jess and she’s hoping to get a chance to discuss it with the others. Because God forbid she should actually discuss it with the person involved.

Dawn is a backseat driver, which is no surprise. Jason sees a possible bear food sacrifice in the future.

They get to a farmstead where they’ll be camping. It’s mega-cool and Jess says she can’t imagine anyone complaining about this place, even Dawn. They fight over who gets what bunk. It looks to me like whoever owns the farm built a bunkhouse to make some extra bucks. The owner explains they won’t be attacked by wild animals, which everyone seems concerned about. On a farm. Lookout for that chicken stampede!

Katie video chats with her baby daddy, PJ. She says she needs support and help, and that she loves him and wants them to be a family. PJ says it’s time for him to stop being a kid and understand that his own kid is coming. He says he’s here for her and the baby and is getting plane tickets immediately. Gee, that was easy.

Jess says that she knows Katie is going to be a great mom. She feels guilty for leaving Katie behind, but figures it will be crazy when the baby comes, so she’s getting in some relaxation. Jason has one last plan to make the bickering go away. He calls everyone outside. They’re going to light and release some lanterns and let go of the bad stuff and bring in the good times. Dawn asks if the lanterns are biodegradable.

Glad you asked, Dawn. Let me tell you about those lanterns. One of these landed in my backyard once. Still on fire. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated it. And how thankful I was that I happened to be there when it landed. So sorry to rain on Jason’s lantern parade, but I hate these things and think they’re a fire hazard. I’ll bet they’re bad for the dolphins too.

Lila wants to prank Jason, who is easily scared. She asks Jess to be her partner in crime. Lila dons a wolf mask; Jess is going to distract Jason. Lila sneaks up on his chair and he dumps hot tea on himself, but takes it like a champ. Everyone laughs except wet blanket Dawn. Lila says you can take the girl out of the city, but you can’t take the stick out of the girl’s ass. Ha-ha! She tells Dawn she has zero sense of humor which is probably true.

It’s time for s’mores and Debbie Downer Dawn says she can’t imagine putting a marshmallow on a stick and eating it. Jess makes fun of her and Dawn gets pissed at Lila for not defending her. She pulls Lila aside, which Jason says is never good, and proceeds to get totally out of control. Lila says she’s not always going to back Dawn, especially when she acts stupid. Whattsamatta, Dawn? Can’t be as independent as you would like your family members to be? I dub this poetic justice. Dawn says a friend to all is a friend to none (did she get that from Brownies or Blue’s Clues or something?). Then she adds that there’s no “i” in team, but there’s a “u” in see-you-next-Tuesday, which is what Lila is. Lila reacts mildly IMO, and says Dawn ostracizes herself all the time and calls her an a-hole. I’d say Lila showed some restraint there.

The next day, the Slip ‘N Slide is brought out. Everyone except Dawn plays around on it. Afterward, Jazmin thinks it might be a good time to talk to Dawn about their relationship, since Dawn is feeling alone. She apologizes for yelling at Dawn. She says that they don’t have to be best friends, but she’d like some support. Dawn says she loves Jazmin and David, and she doesn’t want to fight. They hug. In her interview, Jazmin says Dawn makes it hard to love her, but she’s family, and time will tell if she makes good on keeping the peace.

Jess goes to make a call and Jazmin wants to talk to everyone. She tells them she saw Jess and Katie smoking after belly dancing. She took a video and shows it to them. Oh. Horrors. Now, I’m not advocating smoking while pregnant, but it’s not like she was chain-smoking and taking a video? And then showing it to other people without even discussing it with her?? Really???

Next time, Lila plans and intervention, PJ comes to NYC, and Katie and Jess feel attacked.

May 17, 2016 — GH, Loving Wrong & Models on Deck

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

I came in late, but skimmed through the beginning online and am sincerely sorry I missed seeing Sonny bust up Julian’s place and tell Alexis their friendship is over.

Franco let Elizabeth know that Jake is with him, so at least he didn’t go over the edge again and kidnap Jake. I want Franco to stay somewhat sane to ensure his longevity on the show.

Laura thinks Heartbreak Hotel might be linked to the Campus Disco where she met Luke, although why this wasn’t the first thing that came to mind is beyond me. Laura wants to investigate, and Doc says he’ll go with her. I assume it’s no longer a disco.

And Tracy has found a baby on the Quartermaine doorstep.

Here’s where I came in.

Sam tells Michael they don’t have to miss the old Jason anymore.

Lucy overhears Doc and Laura discussing their plans and assumes they’re a couple. Doc steps away and she tells Laura that she gives her and Doc her blessing. She says she’s thrilled he’s moving on with someone so wonderful. Laura starts to tell her she has the wrong idea, when Doc joins them. Lucy babbles about how they should do a number at the Nurses Ball, gives them tickets, and leaves.

Monica asks if Tracy has called the authorites and says for all they know, the baby could have been kidnapped. She tells Tracy about Jason regaining his memory.

Franco tells Elizabeth she’s in over her head and should accept any and all help.

Julian tells Alexis they need to talk. He says he’d rather die than let Sonny harm her. He says Carrrlos is gone and the evidence has been destroyed, so they’re both covered and he’s going to protect her from Sonny. He says there’s no going back and they’re in this together. I’m sure she’s thrilled.

Carly is all excited about Jason regaining his memory. She calls Michael in. Jason tells him about a time when he was a baby, and says he’s a man now. Michael says Jason taught him how to be one.

Laura says she soesn’t want to draw Doc in any more with the Helena business, but he says he’s already drawn in.

Franco asks Elizabeth to let him look at Helena’s book with Jake. He says he knows the answer is in there. She tells Jake to come on and Jake asks when he’ll see Franco again. Franco says that’s up to his mother.

Alexis asks if Julian needs help, but he says he can deal with it. He has the shirt he was wearing in a plastic bag and she says she’ll burn it. Wait a second, why did he tell her the evidence was gone when he still had some? He tells her it’s gong to be okay, which obviously no one should believe.

Julian leaves and Alexis ponders the bag. Um…I wouldn’t throw plastic into the fireplace unless you want a real smelly mess. She takes the shirt out of the bag because she heard me.

Carly and Sam are all happy. Sam walks Michael out. Carly tells Jason that Sonny will be home soon if he wants to wait. She says they get to be friends forever now and she hugs him.

Alexis burns the shirt. Oh wait, she doesn’t. She puts it back in the bag and hides it. She looks all panicky.

Sonny comes home and asks what Jason is doing there.

Michael talks to Monica who says it’s a miracle. He sees Tracy with the baby and Monica says it’s their new house guest. Tracy says she couldn’t leave him on the doorstep. Michael asks if there was a note and Tracy says just a rattle, Michael says that’s Sabrrrina’s son.

Sonny says if it wasn’t for Jason, Dante would be dead. Jason says it the least he can do after all Sonny’s done for him.

Tomorrow, Felix needs to talk to Finn, Diane tells Nicholas he owes back taxes, and Jason has a request of Sonny.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Eddie brings some chick home. He wants her to lose the dress immediately and she’s like, you are moving way too fast. He asks her if she’s stupid and she said she was under the misguided impression that he liked her. He says he does and let’s get to it. The light bulb comes on and he suggests foreplay, which means giving him…never mind. While Eddie has his eyes closed, the girl opens the door to Julius and company.

Julius calls Eddie “copper,” a term which hasn’t been used since the 40s. Eddie tells him to go ahead and shoot, just don’t mess up his pretty face. I’m always torn between wanting Eddie gone and keeping him around for entertainment purposes.

Julius goofs around for a while, pretending he’s going to shoot Eddie and then the gun doesn’t go off. I laugh when Eddie asks if Julius wants to torture him and Julius says yes. He says that he actually wants a favor. He shows Eddie a picture of Claudia and says he wants her dead — no drive-bys or suicides, but an accident with witnesses. Eddie wants to know why, but Julius says no questions. Eddie says okay, but asks about Quan who is nowhere. Eddie asks that Quan be delivered to him as part of the deal. Julius says it’s like poker, he’ll see his Quan for Quan’s mother, Tilda. Julius says he’ll deliver both of them and Eddie has to take care of them. Eddie says done.

Eddie almost messes things up by asking Julius to “leave the whore.” The “whore” is Julius’s cousin. Eddie apologizes and suggests they stick to killing. These two were actually kind of funny together.They’re like cartoon characters.

Esperanza calls Claudia into the office. She asks if Claudia is sleeping with Lushion. She says she saw Claudia kissing him in the locker room. Claudia says that’s not what was happening and Esperanza suggests she put Claudia in for a transfer. Claudia says if she does, she’s going to complain that Esperanza is jealous about Eddie. Esperanza says Claudia is a liar, since she obviously hasn’t worked this job before. Claudia tells her to do what she wants, but says “be careful” in a weird tone of voice. I have no investment in Claudia, but I’m hoping she doesn’t get killed just because she’s one of the good guys.

Alex calls a lawyer, but she doesn’t have enough money for a retainer. There’s a knock at the door and she gets served. She calls Creepy Randal who calls her sweetheart. He tells her that the new subpoena is a lawsuit against Brad. She asks why he’s doing this, and Randal says Brad is with his wife. Alex counters with Randal having been with Brad’s wife. Randal says that wasn’t on purpose, but what Brad did was. Alex says they don’t have much money and asks him to stop. He says to come over and make love to him and he will. Gag. In lieu of that, he’ll take his son. Alex begs him to stop and he says he’ll see her in court.

Kelly paces while talking to herself. There’s a knock at the door. It’s the girl from Ramses’s apartment. She asks if Kelly has a “wine opener.” Kelly tells her to tell Ramses to go buy one his own damn self among a few other choice things.

Esperanza calls Kelly. Kelly tells her about the girl at Ramses’s house and how she came over to borrow a corkscrew. She kind of makes it up as she’s going along. She says she was stupid for liking him.

Esperanza tells Kelly about walking in on Lushion and Claudia. She says she’s positive she saw them kissing. Kelly says it was probably innocent, and Esperanza says what if the girl that Kelly saw was Ramses sister? Kelly blows this off and Esperanza says she doesn’t know if she should tell Natalie. This is an interesting scene, because they’re both making up scenarios and future scenarios that don’t exist, and it’s feeding on itself.

The captain calls Eddie and Steve into his office. He asks who was using his computer and Eddie confesses. Steve leaves and Eddie tells the captain he was running Claudia. He also tells him about the visit from Julius. The captain says when Eddie ran Claudia, all hell broke loose and now he’s getting calls from the Feds. He says something isn’t right about her.

Lushion comes to Ramses’s house and the girl introduces herself as Grace. She calls Ramses and he and Lushion discuss the house. Ramses says Grace is his cousin’s wife and helping him with the legal stuff, and that he can be out today. He’s going to stay in a hotel because he doesn’t want to be with the memories of his mother. Lushion asks if there’s anything else, and Ramses says Kelly. He says they’ve been flirting and now she’s cold. Lushion asks when it started and tells him to think back.

Ramses goes through the last time Kelly came by. He hits the nail on the head about her seeing Grace. Lushion asks if he told Kelly who Grace is, and Ramses says no, and even worse, he sent Grace over to borrow the corkscrew. Lushion says Ramses should know that Kelly was bothered. Ramses wants to go right over, but Lushion says give her an hour or two to cool off. He takes the paperwork for the house and leaves.

There’s a knock at Kelly’s door. It’s Alex. Alex asks her if she can watch the baby while she goes to an unscheduled doctor’s appointment. Kelly says sure. Kelly makes googly sounds at the baby. Alex leaves.

Esperanza goes to talk to Natalie because she can’t keep her big, fat nose out of things. She tells Natalie that she saw Claudia and Lushion “separating from something” in the locker room. Natalie says Lushion just asked her to marry him. Natalie says maybe she should have kept her mouth shut and I wholeheartedly agree. Of course Natalie immediately jumps to thinking the worst and says she’ll deal with it after work.

Ramses goes over to Kelly’s place. He has Grace with him and says Kelly owes her an apology. Kelly acts snotty and Ramses asks Grace to give them a few minutes. Grace tells him it’s not going to work for him and goes. Kelly says some woman is in his house who dresses like a whore, and he says he’s not like that and she’s here for business. He tells her not to insult him and gives her the documents that his cousin’s wife helped him with. He tells Kelly not to be so judgmental until she knows the whole story. He leaves and hopefully, she feels like an ass now.

Lushion asks the guy at the deli if there’s another copy of the tape. Deli guy says no, and asks if should he be worried since Lushion is the third cop who’s asked about it. Lushion shows him Eddie’s picture and he says that was one of them. Ben isn’t the other, so I’m guessing it might be Steve. Lushion asks to look at the tape from when the other cop came in.

The captain tells Eddie that they have an undercover in the precinct who’s investigating all the rookies who have died. The two morons conclude it must be Claudia and Eddie says he’s got it. The captain says be careful, since she could topple them all.

Lushion takes Andrew aside. He shows Andrew a picture of himself in the deli and asks what’s up and what’s on the tape. Andrew says he doesn’t know and Lushion asks why he was trying to get it. Andrew says they shouldn’t even be talking about this. Lushion says either tell him what he wants to know or he’s going to internal affairs. He tells Andrew he has no choice but to trust him.

Andrew tells Lushion about Ben’s drug problem and that Ben picks up drugs for Eddie. He says they tried to kill Pete. He says Pete would be dead if it hadn’t been for his girlfriend who put the camera in the room. He says the wall of rookie pictures is Eddie’s wall of fame. Lushion tells him to be careful. He says they’ll report to each other and no one else will know about their conversations.

Andrew says Pete has the tape because he’s the one in the hospital. Lushion says he’s working on something. Andrew says work fast or the three of them will be up on the wall next. Lushion leaves and calls Larry Lamont. He leaves a message saying he has two problems that need to be addressed right away.

Alex goes to visit Backwoods Rusty, aka her father. She tells him her neighbor won’t leave her alone.

Next time, Marcie visits Alex, Rusty goes after Randal, and Lushion meets with Claudia and Ramses.

Below Deck: Mediterranean

Bryan tells Hannah it’s not the time or place to be dressing down an employee, adding that she’s drunk. Hannah is offended and appalled by this, but she is drunk. As he said last episode, she doesn’t seem to get that he’s her boss.

Danny brings some girls back to the boat. This is a huge no-no, but all Hannah tells them is to stay out of the guest cabins. Danny breaks out some Patron. In the galley, Ben is cooking octopus. I stopped eating octopus after I saw one that was capable of using a camera.

Hannah tells Danny and group they have five minutes. Bobby is with them and says his career is important to him, so the girls have to leave. Bye, Felicias! Bryan hears them discussing the girls, and says he’s been put in an awkward position.

It’s 24-hours until charter and everyone is hung over. Jen isn’t sure if things are resolved with Hannah, but she doesn’t care. Bryan goes to the captain and asks to confirm the policy for guests on the boat. Captain Mark says the yacht is their work place, not their home, and it’s not cool unless he knows about it. Bryan tells him what happened. He wants to be transparent with the captain and doesn’t want to risk his own job to save the other guys’ asses. The captain says Bobby, who’s also a firefighter, wouldn’t bring girls back to the firehouse, which is a good analogy.

Hannah claims she’s not trying to be a bitch, just trying to do her job, and sometimes being a bitch is part of it. Tiffany is glad she doesn’t want to rehash the lecture at the bar.

The captain calls the guys to the wheelhouse. He says apparently his instruction on no partying on the boat didn’t sink in. Bryan says he’s partly responsible and the captain agrees. He’s not too happy to hear about Danny giving out the boat’s liquor either. He gives them extra work, and tells them it’s their first strike, and with three, they’re out. Captain Mark speaks to Bryan afterward and asks if he knew about the liquor. Bryan says no.

A sports-bar called The Tilted Kilt has chartered the yacht for a photo shoot. Captain Mark emphasizes no fraternization with the guests. The primary is Katie, who is kind of like their den-mother. Right away Hannah looks down her nose at the guests, and says they won’t be expecting as top-notch work. The deckhands are especially happy that they will have a boat full of models and Jen says they’re acting like they’ve never seen girls before. Bryan tells them do not cross the line, especially after what just happened.

Danny video chats with his mom. His father is an alcoholic and he had to be the family’s main support at a young age, which might explain his emotional immaturity.

Julia says they’re not lowering their standards, just simplifying. Bryan tells Jen she seems disconnected and she says she woke up late. Jen thinks Bryan overcompensates for his lack of abilities. It’s time to greet the guests, so the crew gets into their dress whites.

The girls board the boat and the guys get stupid. Hannah shows them around the yacht. Lots of squealing and giggling. The girls seem sweet, but Hannah makes a lot of snide comments in her interview segments.

Lunch is served and of course it’s phenomenal. Compliments to the chief, who says it’s a happy bunch. They drop anchor and the girls get into their bikinis and park on the sun deck. Danny is smiling so hard, my face hurts. The photographer arrives. The girls ask Hannah if they can have a special surprise cake for Katie’s birthday. Chef Ben says he’s not a pastry chef, but it will be good practice.

The photographer makes the girls giggle. They oil up and pose on the deck. Danny inserts himself into their conversations. One of the girls is really amazing with the hula hoop. Danny thinks so too, and Bryan gets pissed because he’s not where he’s supposed to be. He flirts with one of the models, which Bryan likes even less. The photographer leaves and is meeting them on shore the next day.

The table is set for dinner and it’s beautiful, with gold place settings. In stark contrast, the guest cabins look like suitcases exploded in them. Uh-oh, one of the girls asks another one about her and Danny while Hannah is serving. I’m pretty sure that’s not good. Danny is on late watch.

The girls want a late night snack and Ben gets up to deal with it. They’re seriously impressed, because they would have been fine with a Tupperware container full of leftovers, and he’s made them a mini feast.

One of the girls is hanging out on the couch and Danny is flirting. Bobby comes in and tells him they have to do yada, yada, yada, and Danny hugs the girl good-night. Bobby is like, this is so not cool after what just happened and the captain lecturing them.

Damn. Danny pops back in after he’s done with whatever, and chats up the girls. Hannah says the reason the girls are still up is because of him, and she wants to go to bed. Hannah takes him aside and asks him to knock it off.

The photographer is there bright and early. Danny is still sleeping, which is not going over well with Bryan. When he finally gets up, he makes a beeline for the girls who are getting ready for the shoot. He takes a selfie with one of them. Bryan tells him he doesn’t want to see his phone again and it’s not middle-school summer camp.

Small boats are taken to transport the models, crew and lunch to an island. The photos are taken and lunch is eaten. Tiffany is happy because she’s getting along better with Hannah. Bobby organizes a touch football game on the beach while Danny flirts with one of the girls. She wants to sneak off. He says he knows he shouldn’t, but he has butterflies. Oh please.

Next time, Julia finds the guys distracting, Bryan calls out Danny, and the captain lectures Danny. Week two of Danny.

May 16, 2016 — GH, Charms of the South & Wives of Dallas

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Julian wonders why Alexis keeps the dagger in the china cupboard to begin with, and she says isn’t he glad she did, since it was within reach. He swears he didn’t touch it.

Sonny tells Carly what happened. She asks if the police think he had anything to do with Carrrlos getting stabbed, but he says he doesn’t think so.

Finn orders several space heaters for Roxie. Monica says Danny would love to meet her and Finn says he’ll arrange a play date. They talk about bringing Roxie to the hospital for the kids. Finn asks how Tracy is. Monica says you’d never know anything had happeend, but there’s controversy about Mr. Ellis’s death

Elizabeth talks to Jake while nuAmy eavesdrops. She tells him he’s not going to be seeing Franco anymore. When he asks why, Franco hears him and tells him to ask his father.

Jason remembers everything now, so I guess we can put that storyline to rest…somewhat.

Commercial break. Does Flonase really need to tell me that 6 > 1?

Carly says she knows Sonny didn’t kill Carrrlos, but still wonders where he was. Sonny tells her about going to Crimson with Alexis and how Michael ended up pulling Carrrlos out of the water. She’s like, thanks for calling and letting me know.

Julian tells Alexis he was exactly where he said he was. Alexis questions Nina being in a bathrobe at a meeting, and he fills her in on the Franco/Nina situation.

Finn says Mr. Ellis’s death was unexpected and he was stable when Finn left him. He says that all the tests that had been run were negative. Monica concurs, since she double-checked everything. She tells him Obrecht asked the peer review group to open up a case.

Elizabeth tells Jake that sometimes adults have to make decisions that kids don’t understand. She says that Jason doesn’t think Franco is the best person to treat him. NuAmy says that his mother must have agreed, since she’s the one who canceled all of the appointments. I applaud her audacity.

Jason tells Sam about the accident. He says he was trying to figure how to get Dante out from under the van, when Robin spoke to him.

Monica says Obrecht feels Mr. Ellis’s death was preventable.

NuAmy fills another nuNurse in on last year’s Nurses Ball. Amy is giving her all the gossip and Monica interrupts. She suggests Amy get back to work, and if she hears more trash talk, Amy will be backstage at the Ball.

Monica tells Finn it wouldn’t be an issue if the family had ordered an autopsy.

Elizabeth tells Jake that they’re enrolling him in an art class, but he says he wants to work with Franco. She tells him he needs to get to his appointment and he shakes her off, saying he’ll walk over by himself. Franco asks if Elizabeth is a doormat or does she really think he’s a danger to her son?

Jason explains that seeing Robin was probably his way of fighting his conditioning. He says the memories were intact, he just couldn’t reach them. Sam says she doesn’t understand, and he says neither does he, and tries to come up with theories.

Carly says next time Sonny feels the need to step out in the middle of the night, to please tell her first. She was worried and concerned that the police were going to be looking for him. Sonny says Julian is the one who would gain the most from Carrrlos’s death.

Julian says Alexis had to know the witness was a set-up. She says she didn’t get a chance to question him and how convenient that he died from an overdose after years of being clean. She says the look on Julian’s face was sheer panic when she said Carrrlos was still alive. Julian still tries to pretend that Carrrlos was his friend and Alexis says Carrrlos was a man who was going to put Julian away for the rest of his life. Julian says she saw him at Crimson. Alexis says that was later and he asks why he would have done it himself. Wouldn’t he have one of his lackeys kill Carrrlos? Alexis starts weeping and says it’s unthinkable he would use the dagger that killed her mother. He says check it; it’s clean, and she says because he cleaned it.

Alexis starts going nuts, looking for any proof. Success! She finds the towel he used to clean the dagger with. It only took her about two seconds, so Julian didn’t hide that very well. I gotta say, I wonder too, why he would use the dagger, since it has a unique blade. A carving knife would have been less traceable. It seems like a really stupid move for a guy who’s a mob boss.

Finn says Obrecht resents him in general. Monica says she especially didn’t like how he put Dr. Mays in his place. He says she seems to be holding him personally responsible for her being let go. She says he saved Tracy’s life, and Tracy had a big say in it.

Elizabeth says Franco crossed the line and was acting like his old self. She thought he’d changed, but she was wrong. He says he just lashed out because of the Nina situation, but he’s working his way out of the hole he’s in. He says even Obrecht has pushed him away. He says Elizabeth is pretty much the closest thing he has to a friend.

Jason tells Sam that as soon as he got Dante free, the memories flooded in, from the color of Sonny’s old office drapes to their first kiss. He says he’d been trying to convince himself the memories didn’t matter, but he was wrong.

Sonny says after the accident, Carrrlos would have certainly taken the deal. Carly says Julian was at Crimson. Sonny says even if Alexis was telling the truth, Julian might have done the dirty deed and then jetted to Crimson. Carly asks what he’s planning.

Alexis says the stain on Julian’s shirt wasn’t wine, it was blood, and he killed Carrrlos to save himself. Julian says she needs to trust that he did everything because he loved her and so their life together wouldn’t end. She asks him who he is. He says he’s still her husband and she pushes him away. She starts to call the police and Julian takes the phone. He says she needs to ask herself who she is. She chose to stay with him even though she knew he ordered the hit on Duke and that makes her complicit.

Franco says he’s not a danger to Jake and Elizabeth needs to stand up to Jason. Amy comes over and says Jake didn’t show up for the appointment.

Sam tells Jason so much for getting to know each other again. He says they have been apart for two years, but he knows how they started now. He trips down Sam Memory Lane. She says he has his life back, and he says that depends on her.

Sonny says he has to figure out a way to use Carrrlos’s death against Julian. Carly says he should let the police handle it, but Sonny says Julian has Alexis in his corner, which Carly finds ironic considering Alexis’s high horse attitude.

Julian tells Alexis she made her choice to accept him. She says he swore he was out of the mob. He says he changed his life for her, but she should have known his past would come back to haunt him. He says when push came to shove, he did what he had to. He says she chose to defend Carrrlos and protect the both of them and blah-blah-blah about how they love each other. He says the important thing is that it’s over and they can live their life together with their kids and grandson. He says otherwise, two men died for nothing. And what is with Julian’s hair? I vote no.

Franco says no one saw Jake leave the hospital and security is out front. Elizabeth says how do they know someone didn’t take him? The police come and Amy points out Elizabeth, who tells them Jake was supposed to be going to his appointment.

Sam says the worst thing was trying to convince Jason he was a good guy. He says maybe not so much, and she says they’ve both made their share of mistakes, and now they have a chance to find their way back together again. She says she loves him.

Finn startles Carly, who is looking at some reports at a table in the MetroCourt. She tells him that his space heaters came in. She asks him to look at a printout regarding her daughter’s kidney. He says it’s against the rules and she says since when did he care about that? Finn says never.

Julian makes up some nonsense about how they’re the only two people who matter. Alexis says he’s a killer. He says he did what he could to weather the storm, but they can fix this. She starts laughing and says how? He says what’s done is done. Carrrlos can’t be brought back, but they can survive this together.

Julian takes the bloody towel to the fireplace. Alexis says she’s not letting him throw the evidence away. He says it has to be done and this is for them. It doesn’t get much more spineless than Alexis here.

Elizabeth says it’s all her fault and she should have walked Jake to the office. She wonders where Franco went and Amy says maybe he’s out searching. Yeah, searching his apartment where Jake is eating some sugary cereal.

Sam tells Jason he should be checked out by a doctor. She wants to know that he’s okay with no concussion or complications. He says he hates hospitals but he’ll go.

Finn looks over the reports. He makes noises and Carly asks if he found something. He says maybe. He points out an administrator’s number and that they did overtime that day. He says the employee hasn’t worked at GH since the transplant and they probably know something.

Julian tells Jellyfish Alexis that this is about damage control and throws the towel in the fire. There’s a knock at the door and Alexis says it’s Sonny. She answers. Yep, it’s Sonny and he asks if Julian told her who killed Carrrlos. He says by the look on her face, she knows.

Tomorrow, Franco tells Elizabeth he has Jake, Lucy is back for the Nurses Ball (yay!), and Julian threatens Sonny.

Southern Charm

Shep and Craig meet for lunch. Shep asks what happened after the bourbon tasting. Craig tells him about JD saying he’s not ready to head a division and Naomie getting sad about it. Geez, it wasn’t like he lost his job. Shep says Craig should work on taking the bar, but in the meantime wants him to come on the Appalachian trip.

Craig asks if he’s inviting Kathryn. Shep tells him that several others won’t come if he does. Craig wonders why Whitney is so against her, and says they should be inclusive, and that Kathryn would probably be more chill if she felt warm and fuzzy. He says she probably won’t come because of her pregnancy anyway. Shep relents and calls her, but she’s on modified bed-rest and doesn’t think it would be a good idea to travel. Shep thanks the cosmos.

Thomas (bleh) visits Kathryn’s new house. She asks if Thomas is going on the trip with Shep and company. She tells him that Shep called her, but she can’t go. Thomas says he doesn’t want to go if she’s not going, but Kathryn encourages him. In his interview, he says he doesn’t want to rock the boat. He might be T-Rav, but she’s T-Rex. He tells her maybe he’ll go and just stay one night.

Cameran visits a therapist. She’s struggling with the baby thing. Her husband is ready for one and she’s not. She wants to figure out if she’s just not maternal or her decision is rooted in anxiety. She says her own mom is her role model and she can’t say enough good things about her, but she wasn’t the cookie-baking typical Southern woman type. The therapist asks if when she thinks of having a child, does she think of getting something or giving up something? Good question! Cameran says everyone tells her that her life will change and she doesn’t even like being a passenger in a car. The therapist seems to think that her parents’ divorce is a factor. Even though Cameran thinks she’s too old to be affected by it, the therapist says childhood events drive our lives. This woman seems to actually know what she’s talking about, unlike some therapists I’ve seen on the reality shows.

Craig talks to his mom about the house in the mountains and whatever is needed for the trip. He thinks the house is even going to impress Whitney.

Landon (ugh!) gets together with her sister, Bam, about whose name I could make a million jokes. She tells Bam about her online magazine idea. Landon is the oldest of three girls and says she’s trailing behind both of them. No big shock. We flash back to her visit with the NYC mogul and how it kind of bombed. Landon says how much she likes Craig’s girlfriend, Naomie, but I think it’s just so she can talk smack about Kathryn.

Craig comes by Kathryn’s place. He says for once in her life, she’s not the one causing the drama. They talk houses. Craig wonders about Whitney. He asks Kathryn if they used to be friends, and she says they were more than friends. She says it was more than just a physical thing and she spent a lot of time with him and his mother. We see a clip where she was keeping a lot of stuff at his house. Wow. Here’s to a secret very well kept.

We see a few more flashbacks where Whitney was very complimentary to Kathryn. Craig says Whitney makes it out to be like a one-night stand, when a one-night stand doesn’t keep clothes at your house. Kathryn tells him that she’d hooked up with Thomas prior to Whitney, but it went nowhere. Then she and Thomas met at a party and she left with him because she had liked him better. She says Whitney put her stuff on the curb after that. She says he’s one of those people you think has no feelings for anyone else, and Craig says this explains why they’re still dealing with this three years later. They show another scene that didn’t make sense in the first season, but does when it’s put together with what she’s saying now.

Shep has organized a party bus and Cameran is hoping it doesn’t have a stripper pole. Everyone meets at the bus and they head for Asheville (NC). Thomas and JD will be joining them separately. Thomas gets to the hotel first. Craig thinks they’re in Nashville, which Shep tells us is another four hours west.

The hotel is cute. The group checks in and meets in the lobby. Hanger-on Dani is there too. I’m not sure why, but she rubs me the wrong way. Thomas is glad for a night out where he can be himself. An immature a-hole? He tries to chat up some teenagers on the street and I get embarrassed even though I’m just watching it on TV.

They go to a beer garden where Whitney and Thomas make fun of the bluegrass music. There’s a large size Jenga game on the outside tables that they periodically play. Moving on. To the next bar, owned by a college buddy of Shep’s who gave him his first fake ID. Moving on again, but just next door. They have dinner and Shep makes a toast. Someone says things are going swimmingly, and Shep says that’s probably what they said before the Titanic went down.

Cameran thinks that Landon hearts Shep. Me too. Thomas says he’s just staying one night and acts like it’s because of Kathryn. Ha! He’s just getting old. I still don’t get why he has no friends in his own age group. Whitney says Kathryn is the curse of Moncks Corner he can’t escape. Craig thinks Whitney is irrational when it comes to Kathryn and that Thomas is actually being responsible. Moving on. Next bar.

This one is more a dance club. Thomas immediately starts chatting up a girl with tatts and piercings, saying, it’s awesome, man, or something like that. Bleh. Thomas. He acts stupid and puts the moves on girls who don’t want them. One dances away with Shep.

Thomas goes to Shep’s room in the morning. He says that he thought Kathryn was being irrational about Landon, but now he realizes Kathryn is right. Landon confessed that she didn’t really invite Kathryn to Shep’s birthday. Shep is a little miffed too. He says Landon has a catty side where she takes things too far.

Cameran and Whitney decide to rent a car. Shep wonders if he should be offended. Thomas leaves and it’s back to the bus with the others.

They go through where Shep grew up and he points out his grandparents’ house. They get to their destination and the house is amazing. It has a phenomenal view and Shep says it’s the happiest place of all. I can see why. JD and Elizabeth join them. Cameran says Shep never even mentioned this house, but he isn’t the type to brag about what his family has. Even though I wouldn’t want to date him, I like Shep.

JD wants to talk to Craig who does not want to talk about work. Craig says Naomie was sad about the bourbon thing, but JD says just because something doesn’t work out immediately doesn’t mean it won’t in the future and that he wants Craig to succeed. He also wants Craig to make Dani feel comfortable about taking the position Craig wanted.

Jennifer visits Kathryn, who is bored out of her mind. She can move around, but not leave the house. Kathryn tells Jennifer about the trip and that Thomas called, telling her how Landon admitted not inviting her to Shep’s birthday. She says Thomas has been surprisingly helpful with the move. She says their past is tumultuous and crazy, but he’s making an effort.

I cry because I will never, ever have a kitchen like the one in Shep’s mountain house. Shep confronts Landon about not inviting Kathryn to his party. He says in the future, tell him the truth. I’m not surprised someone has to tell her something this simple, but then I remember she can barely form a sentence.

Whitney argues with Craig over grilling the steak. The food looks incredible, steaks, corn on the cob and grilled vegetables. The topic of Kathryn comes up. Whitney says she’s a lying psychopath, and Craig says he’s just mad because she slept with his best friend after staying with him.

Next time, Whitney calls Kathryn a liar, poor Whitney is upset, Kathryn’s inducement date gets moved up, and Kathryn disappears. Lots of Kathryn.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Stephanie has a decorator coming in for son Chance’s room. She says that Travis’s mother is a decorator and he thinks that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, but that’s not the case. Travis wants to be all involved, which annoys Stephanie. She says once a plan is in place, Travis always wants to change it. She says the one gift she wishes he’d give her is to trust her judgment.

Brandi is still ticked off about how Bryan acted at the barbecue for her father, late and drunk. She says he’s not giving her or the family the attention they deserve and she doesn’t know how to deal with it. She tries calling him and gets voicemail.

Marie is apparently inching her way into Wives status. Brandi goes to Marie’s house. She’s been working with Marie’s daughter, Sofia, on cheerleading. She says it’s a real favor, since she taught cheerleading and dance to high schoolers and it wasn’t fun. Marie is also close to Leeanne, so Brandi is hoping to get some insight. Brandi says the lessons make her miss being a Cowboys cheerleader.

Rich asks Leeanne what’s bothering her about Marie. She says she wants to trust Marie, but Tiffany has told her that Marie has been texting her smack talk about Leeanne.

Brandi tells Marie that despite Leeanne being batsh*t crazy, she had fun at Marie’s party. Marie says Leeanne could benefit from therapy. She says Leeanne is going to have to apologize for her nutty behavior.

Cary and Mark go shopping. They’re updating their website photos and looking for new outfits. Cary says the website needs to draw in the upscale clients they want, so the pictures need a refresh. Mark gets excited over a few of the dresses and picks out some things for her.

Brandi goes to Stephanie’s house. Stephanie is putting everything back into her son’s newly decorated Cowboys-themed room. Brandi tells us the nasty habits her husband has, as though we need to like him any less. She says it’s funny how you don’t notice a lot of things during the honeymoon phase. They talk about the barbecue and Brandi says how hurt she was about Travis acting stupid. Stephanie thinks Brandi should talk to him and reconnect with a date night. Brandi says Bryan isn’t good with confrontation, so she’s afraid to deal.

Tiffany visits Leeanne. They’re going to Marie’s house “to seek answers.” As a true Housewife should, Tiffany has printed out the texts. Leeanne wants to know why the texts happened and if her reputation is in jeopardy. I dunno. Maybe Marie is ticked off about Leeanne’s idiotic behavior at her party.

Leeanne and Tiffany say a prayer before going into Marie’s. Marie asks how they’ve been since the party and Leeanne says it was a bad scene, daddio. (Okay, I added the daddio.) Tiffany says she doesn’t like engaging in the kind of texts Marie has been sending. She pulls the texts out, handing them to Leeanne, and Marie looks like a deer in headlights. Marie says she would never talk behind Leeanne’s back. Leeanne says if Marie has something to say about her, she hold say it to her face. Marie says she was seriously concerned about Marie’s welfare. Leeanne drags Brandi into it, saying the issue is between them. Marie says Leeanne made it everybody’s issue. Leeanne says she walked out of the party because she was going to get violent. Leeanne gets loud and says stupid stuff. Once again, in her interview, Leeanne says she doesn’t do hurt. Seriously, get therapy and stop acting out when you have the feels. You’re too old for this. She tells Marie she’s been putting negative bugs in Tiffany’s ear and asks what she’s told Brandi. Marie says they never discuss Leeanne, but we flash to Brandi saying Leeanne is nuts. The girls say blah-blah-blah about being open. Leeanne says Marie might have originated from a good place, but she’s forgotten what loyalty is. She’s glad Tiffany held her hand through this.

Cary and Mark are using friend Carrie’s apartment for the photo shoot. Carrie gives direction with Mark working the camera. They take a lot of great pictures with and without great clothes.

Brandi talks about how hard it is, raising the girls basically with no Bryan and no other help. She says when Bryan is gone, one of the girls (Brooklyn) is especially bratty. Brandi does the throwing the spaghetti on the wall thing to see if it’s done. I do that too, but not near an electrical outlet. She calls Bryan, who is about to board a flight, and suggests a date night next time he’s home.

Gayle and Oprah are the names Stephanie gave the oversize warrior garden statues that Travis won’t let her get rid of. Brandi has brought outfits for them. This reminds me of a guy not far from me who has a manatee statue next to his mailbox that he dresses up seasonally.

Mark and Cary look at the pictures. Cary is very critical of herself, but Mark says she’s perfect. She wants them photoshopped, but he’s not on board with that. I’m not sure what she has to be concerned about. They get all mushy. I like these two. They seem like the only normal ones.

Stephanie loves her son’s new room, but is nervous at the unvailing, since it’s not what Travis wanted. Chance is really too young to be impressed by something like this. Travis says they did a great job and compliments Stephanie.

Brandi and Bryan are getting ready for date night. He’s exhausted from traveling, but she feels they need to get in some time together. They leave the kids with a sitter and go out to eat. They order martinis. Bryan looks tired. Brandi thinks he’s checked out as far as feelings go. They toast to a good summer.

Brandi says she’d like more time with him, but expects him to be a mind reader about it. It’s painful watching her try to get her thoughts out, with him looking like he’s not even there. She says with all his traveling, sometimes she feels like she doesn’t get the attention she needs from him. He’s like, seriously?

Bryan feels like she gets all the attention. She says she wants them to have more family activities with the girls. Again, she’s not expressing herself well. She says she feels unloved and unappreciated. She asks if she did something wrong and he says yes. She asks what. Bryan doesn’t answer and she says she doesn’t understand him. He just sits there like a cold lump and she starts to tear up, saying somehow it’s always her fault. He says he didn’t see that one coming What? He says he’s had enough and leaves her sitting there.

Next time, a charity event at the House of Blues, gossip about Cary, and Brandi’s brother attempts suicide.

May 15, 2016 — Storybrooke Finale, Dead in Mexico, Shahs Plan & Dany Rises

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Snow tells Regina that she doesn’t need to go through this alone. Zelena says she’s not going to, and Zelena can empathize, having been through it. David tells Zelena how sorry he is about Hades.

Violet approaches Henry. She says she’s sorry about Robin and that she was afraid she was never going to see Henry again. He says him too.

Emma tells Hook maybe he should wait outside when she goes to the diner, since Regina might be bitter over Robin’s death.

Gold tells Belle in the Box that her father was uncooperative about waking her and he’ll have to find another way. He says he needs power and messes with the Olympian crystal.

Emma sees Regina. The diner rocks (and by that I mean like there’s an earthquake, not that it’s a cool place to be) and Hook runs in asking if everyone is okay. Everybody is surprised to see him, since they didn’t think he could get back from the Underworld. Regina says only one person is powerful enough to rock the diner like that — Gold.

Regina says he’s done a tethering spell. Gold is trying to harness all the magic in Storybrooke. They surmise it’s to wake Belle. Emma says maybe Regina should sit this one out and Regina is annoyed that Emma thinks she’ll go all evil queen. Regina says fine, she’ll deal with things herself. She disappears, poof! in a cloud of purple smoke.

Henry tells Violet about Gold and how magic screws everything up. He says he used to think there was light and dark, but now he believes it’s all one. Violet says her mother died from magic. Henry asks her to come on a quest with him and she says yes. He calls it Operation Mix-Tape and says there’s one more thing they need, the pen. He writes that the crystal appeared in his hand. He tells Violet all the magic is tethered there and they’re going to destroy it.

The group is looking for Gold, and Regina is looking for Henry. Gold shows up and says Henry has the crystal and Henry has outsmarted all of them. Regina asks what happens if Henry succeeds in destroying magic, and Gold tells her that Storybrooke was created with magic, so what does she think? He disappears, poof! in cloud of grey smoke.

Emma follows Regina to look for Henry. All of the other characters in Storybrooke approach Snow with their worries. Zelena creates a doorway for them to go back from whence they came. Emma says they have to find Henry before Gold does.

Meanwhile, Violet and Henry are in New York City. Everyone goes through the door except our heros. Zelena is about to close it and something prevents her, something that looks like it’s trying to get in. Suddenly, the gang is transported to…somewhere. Zelena says they’re not in Storybrooke anymore.

In Boston, Regina and Emma get in a Volkswagen Beetle. Regina pricks Emma’s finger and the blood leaves a trail on their map, showing them where Henry is. Gold drives through the Queens-Midtown Tunnel into NYC. Violet tells Henry the city is overwhelming and he says he thought the same thing about Camelot at first. They discuss Gold and Henry tells her that his father had also been looking for a way to destroy magic and kept a journal in his apartment. He tells her she’s the only one he’s told about it.

In the beautiful forest that the Storybrooke-ites have landed in, they come across an estate. They ask a gardener where they are. The gardener says if he helps them, he’ll be punished. When David asks by who, a sorcerer pops out and says by him, and blows them all back with purple lightening bolts.

The gang wakes up in a dungeon. Although, geez, it looks like they could squeeze between the bars. A warden comes in and asks why they’re on his property. Snow says they just want to leave. The warden asks what the Dark One wants and grabs Hook by the throat. Snow says Gold is their enemy too, and explains what Gold is looking for. The warden doesn’t believe them.

Emma and Regina go to the apartment. Emma can tell that Henry and Violet have been there. Regina finds one of Robin’s books and gets all sentimental. There’s a letter from Robin to her inside. He says how proud he is of her and that no matter what separates them, he knows she’ll always do the right thing. Emma tells Regina sorry about before. Regina says she’s right, the evil queen is always trying to get out. Emma says she understands having fought the darkness, but Regina says while Emma was just at the precipice, she was consumed.

Regina says her first instinct is to rip Hook’s throat out because Robin didn’t survive, but she knows it’s wrong, so she keeps it in check. She says good always leads to loss for her, but she has to keep doing it. She talks about the horrible things she did when Snow was little. She says being a hero doesn’t matter because there’s no redemption for her. She has the curse of knowing good and evil and has to fight with it every day. Emma says she believes in Regina, and Regina says that’s because Emma is good. She says her fate is to be trapped.

Emma sees on the computer that Henry and Violet are at the midtown library. Gold waits outside the door of the apartment.

A librarian takes Henry and Violet to the rare reading room. His father was looking for something there, but never found it. Violet is skeptical that they can. A slew of Henry’s Once Upon A Time books are there, each containing different stories.

Back at the dungeon, the gardener, Albert, comes in. He says he wants to help them. He can’t let them out, but he might be able to get the magic they need. He asks to come with them when they leave. He says he’s a prisoner and wants to get away from the warden as much as they do. Zelena needs her wand fixed and Albert says he can take the pieces and put it back together in the lab. David is unsure about trusting him, but they have no other choice.

Henry thinks they came there for nothing. Violet says he’ll figure it out. She sees a chalice in a glass case and says Henry’s father never figured things out because he never visited Camelot, where the Holy Grail is the source of all magic. Henry busts the chalice out and it twirls a book around. Henry starts to leave. Gold stops him, but Henry says he’s not getting the crystal without a fight. Gold says too bad Henry is going to lose and puts both Henry and Violet to sleep, taking the crystal.

Albert goes to the laboratory. He puts the wand into a machine that looks like a Mousetrap game. He’s able to fix it, but the sorcerer comes in. Albert claims the warden wanted him to fix it, but the sorcerer says they’ll talk to the warden then. There’s a struggle and Albert turns into Mr. Hyde, who is also the warden, and starts talking about his other personality in the third person. He says Storybrooke could be the answer to what they’re looking for, and they’ve been stuck where they are for too long. He says the doctor isn’t the only one who will be going to Storybrooke; they all will.

Emma finds Henry and Violet, and the color turns to sepia tones. Henry tells Regina that magic has taken everything away from them. Every time it seems like they’ll be happy, magic wrecks things. He doesn’t want magic to take away Regina or Emma. He tells them he couldn’t find any answers. They agree they have to find Gold and they do the map/blood thing again. It doesn’t work though, because the magic is all in the crystal.

Hyde is twirling the wand around. He says he’s taking something that will give them the power they need. Gold talks to Belle in the Box in the hotel room. The room starts to shake and when Gold grabs the crystal, Belle in the Box disappears and reappears in Hyde’s hands. He says if the Dark One wants to see his wife again, he’ll have to do what Hyde says.

Albert, who is also Dr. Jekyll, wakes up in a straitjacket. There’s a note from Hyde saying he almost got free. Albert says that Hyde isn’t as smart as he thinks. He goes to the dungeon, says the warden has the wand, and unlocks the door, letting the Storybrooke gang out.

They go to what looks like a Moroccan flea market. Albert says it’s called the Land of Untold Stories.

Back in NYC, Violet tells Henry she hopes he has a good plan since they have no magic. They see lightening bolts hitting the top of a building. A room service waiter comes toward the hotel room. Gold answers the door and invites him in. There’s a pentagram and candles on the table. Gold doesn’t care about the food, only the sterling silver charger. Gold gives the waiter a hundred dollar bill and says things might get messy. The waiter leaves and Gold puts a “do not disturb” sign on the door.

Regina feels the vibes from the hotel. She says she might not have magic, but she still has a fist and Gold still has a nose. Ha-ha! She knocks on the door and tells Gold they need to talk alone. She says Emma doesn’t know she’s there. She says she knows he hasn’t been able to wake Belle in the Box yet and needs help from his best student. She says she’s ready to let the evil queen back out and makes up some story. She says he needs the evil queen and she doesn’t want to lose Zelena. He says maybe they can help one another.

Albert brings everybody to his apartment. He picks up some serum that separates the good and evil from someone. He’s going to use it on Hyde. The sorcerer comes in. Albert tells everyone to run as he turns into Hyde.

While Regina and Gold toast, Emma slips in. Gold tells Regina about how Belle in the Box was taken. Emma gets the crystal, but it disappears, poof! in a cloud of magenta smoke. Gold knew all along. He says Regina is who she’ll always be, guilt-ridden and weak. He takes something of Zelena’s from Regina that he needs for his spell, and plans on getting rid of Emma and Regina, since he doesn’t need them anymore.

Henry stops everything and works some magic on the pentagram table. Purple clouds happen outside the building and it seems like something has been sucked out of the room. Henry says he’s destroyed magic.

Hyde tells the sorcerer to go into the other room and injects himself. He separates into two people. Hyde tells the doctor it’s nice to finally meet him. He says the irony of being separate is that it’s going to destroy him. He tries to strangle the doctor and Hook comes to the rescue. David says the doctor risked everything to save them, so it was the least they could do.

Gold tells Henry he stopped him from rescuing Belle in the Box and everyone in the other realm with them. Henry says he did what he had to and it’s on Gold. Regina wonders what happened to Storybrooke, and Gold says it will be fine, he was just made that up to motivate her. He says they’ll have to work together to find who has magic.

Emma finds Henry in Bryant Park. Henry says before they knew magic existed, they were happy. Emma says it was just them then. Henry says because of what he did, they might not see their family again. Emma says Regina and Gold are working on it now.

Gold tells Regina he’s always failed to separate the parts of himself because he likes the darkness. Regina says she doesn’t, but Gold tells her she’s kidding herself an the more she keeps it inside, the more she’ll suffer.

They go to an herbal shop. Gold introduces the shopkeeper as “The Dragon.” The Dragon says he’s not in the business of helping hearts with such darkness as Rumpelstiltskin’s, but he will help Regina. He says it’s imperative she win for all of them.

The Dragon does a thing with a lotus blossom and they’re able to see Snow and the others in the parallel world. Regina says they’re in trouble. The Dragon says opening a portal is beyond his power. He says just because Henry thinks he destroyed magic, doesn’t mean there isn’t any; it’s everywhere. Emma says they have to believe and Gold says just saying it doesn’t make it so.

Henry is going to throw a coin in the fountain. He asks if Emma remembers the last time they were there and he made a wish. A few days later, the wish came true. He throws the coin in, saying he wishes his family was reunited. Each of them tosses in a coin and wishes. The crystal starts to pulse with light. Gold tosses in his coin, but Henry says they need more.

In the Untold Stories World, the Storybrooke gang meets face to face with Hyde.

Henry makes a speech about magic being real, standing on the pedestal of one of the lions on the library steps. He gathers a small crowd and asks everyone to make a wish and help them return magic to the world. Everyone starts throwing coins in the fountain. (Hmm…this might be a good way to make some extra cash.) The crystal gets stronger and Henry says, told ya so.

Coins start dropping in on Snow and the others. Snow tells David they’re not pennies, they’re wishes. All of a sudden, they’re in the fountain and immediately get arrested. Just kidding about the arrest part. Everyone applauds. Henry says they think it was an act and none of it is real. Emma says it doesn’t matter. For a moment, he did the impossible and made everyone believe.

Hyde is going crazy, smashing things. Gold appears. Hyde says now that he’s finally here, if Gold wants to see his wife and child again, he’ll do as Hyde says. Gold strangles him without touching him and Hyde says he can help him wake Belle in the Box. Gold lets go and Hyde says he’s learned a lot being the warden. He thinks it’s time they talk about a deal.

David says they can’t find Gold. Zelena says Regina wanted to be alone, but won’t say why. Snow finds Regina on the rooftop and brings her hot chocolate and spikes it from a flask. Regina says if she wants to keep the evil queen at bay she has to open herself to a lifetime of suffering. She says she wished the evil queen away at the fountain. Regina says the karma will always be there and it’s just another useless wish. Snow says maybe not.

Snow and Emma bring the syringe with Albert’s serum up to the roof. There’s enough for one more injection. Regina asks to be alone, but they won’t leave. Regina says the evil queen didn’t like Snow on a good day, so be careful. Snow injects Regina who goes through some changes, eventually splitting in two.

Regina faces herself. The evil queen tries to throw a lightening bolt at Regina, but Emma chains her. Emma tells Regina to destroy the evil queen and the queen laughs, saying Regina doesn’t have what it takes. She says Regina needs her. Regina says no she doesn’t and rips out the queen’s black heart. She says sorry and crushes it to dust. The queen disappears and only the chains are left.

Violet says she has to go. She tells Henry that her father is really from Connecticut and just ended up in Camelot. He said he’s glad she was born there though, since being a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s court was no great shakes. She kisses Henry good-by.

Everyone else joins them. David says he’ll show Albert around. Emma tells Hook that she loves him and they kiss.

Henry tells Regina she destroyed the evil queen and asks how she feels. She says free. They take the crystal ad Regina works some mojo over it. It disappears. Uh-oh. Hyde appears and is like, thanks, trapped in a town without magic would be a bummer. He says he provided Gold with some information in exchange for Storybrooke. And he’s brought some friends.

He says he’s been looking for a place where all the lost and forgotten stories can play out. Regina says the story ends with him losing. He says darkness isn’t as easy to snuff out as she believes.

In Chinatown, The Dragon hears a bell. A trail of smoke comes into his establishment. It’s the evil queen. She says he was right about one thing, there was a battle raging inside Regina and she might have won the battle, but the war has just begun. She takes his heart and says the queen is back.

I’m guessing that next season, the Storybrooke characters will get involved with different stories from the books Henry found. Kind of like Sliders.

Fear the Walking Dead

In a chapel, some choirboys sing. The padre takes the podium. He talks about their faith being tested. He says that the evil that has befallen them wants them to turn away from God and to not to give into it. He says they’ll defeat it. They take communion.

Everyone goes out and gets guns. Thomas comes up and tells the padre they’ll be dead by the time they get to the gate. The people of the congregation start bleeding from their eyes. The padre says this was her, the one Thomas is trying to protect.

On the boat. Chris tells Travis he didn’t do anything wrong. Travis says they’re saying the guy Chris shot wasn’t sick and Madison is worried about him. Even if he wasn’t sick, Reed was a menace.

In the wheelhouse, Victor says they’ll be in Baha soon. Victor sees a boat coming toward them. Luis says the guy driving is Miguel, but he doesn’t know the other one. Madison has everyone hide. Daniel translates the conversation they can overhear. A negotiation is being made and Luis makes a payment. The guy wants to make sure there are no infected on board. There’s an argument and gunshots.

It gets quiet, and the group goes back up. Luis is dead, but Victor is fine. Daniel tells the others to stay and Daniel makes sure the people involved are dead. Luis is still alive and Ofelia wants to help him. Luis gives her a coin and says to give it to his mother. Daniel takes the coin from her. He says it’s nothing, even though he obviously knows what it is, and tosses it overboard.

The group goes to shore. The place is littered with piles of bodies. Victor calls Thomas’s name and runs into the chapel, looking for him. A bunch of zombies attack and the group fights them off. Lots of eye stabbing. Daniel has to stab an altar boy and can’t do it. Ofelia runs interference. A zombie grabs Madison and Chris freezes. Or maybe not. Is he pissed because she thought Reed might not have been sick? Alicia dispatches the zombie.

They take a truck to the gated estate. There are workers tilling the soil and such. Victor leads the way to the main house. Thomas’s mother, Celia, meets them. She asks about Luis and Victor says something about the military and she says he’ll find his way back. I don’t know if Victor is talking in code or giving her a story. A lady takes their weapons.

Thomas isn’t well. He tells Victor better late than never. Victor sees a wound on his arm and tells Thomas he’s sorry. Thomas says it’s okay, he waited for him. Victor says if he’d been there, he could have done something, but Thomas says maybe not. He helps Thomas up and they hug. He helps Thomas to his bed.

Alicia watches an old movie. Chris comes in and asks if she’s mad at him. She says she saw what he did. She says he was watching when the zombie was going to kill Madison and he did nothing. He says he froze and she can’t tell anyone something like that. She says what if she does. He says he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

Nick comes to the kitchen. It’s not dinnertime yet, but Celia says she’ll give him some pizolli if he doesn’t tell the others. He says that Luis was asking for her and he wanted her to know. She says he has a “heavy smile,” and asks him why. He says he’s sick of all the killing. She says they’re just visitors and the dead have always walked among them, but now they can see it. Madison comes in and tells Nick the shower is ready.

Celia says Nick is special. Madison tells her that Nick is fragile and impressionable. Everyone is just being weird. Or weirder than usual.

Madison brings a tray in to Thomas and Victor. Thomas says he’s usually a better host. Thomas makes Madison promise to look after Victor when he’s gone. She says he won’t make it easy and Thomas says that’s why he’s asking her.

Ofelia tells Daniel it’s dinnertime and he says he’s not hungry. She asks if everything is okay and he says yes. He says to tell everyone that he’s tired. Alicia is falling asleep watching TV, which I imagine must seem like quite a novelty right now. Madison says that’s how they used to find her when they’d come home and she was with a babysitter. Alicia says she was afraid they wouldn’t come home.

Madison asks Travis what he talked about with Chris. She tells him about Chris threatening Alicia and what Alicia thinks she saw. Madison thinks that he’s sick. Travis says what if she’s right and she needs to help him help Chris. He adds that he’s noticed she leaves him out of the picture when talking about their kids. She says Alicia needs her tonight and Travis says he’ll stay with Chris. Maybe this whole thing is just getting to everybody.

Victor tends to Thomas. He tells Thomas to go to sleep, but Thomas says he can’t. Victor says the world was never good enough for Thomas and Thomas says he doesn’t want to leave him. Victor says he could go with him and Thomas says that’s very Shakespearean of him. Victor says there’s nothing left for him there once Thomas is gone, and his mother will look after everyone.

Daniel sees a kid put a dog into something that looks like a laundry shoot and is like, wtf?

Ofelia prays at the shrine. Nick joins her. She asks when he was in a church last and he says he doesn’t remember. She talks to her mother and says she’s worried about Daniel. She thinks he’s frail and has lost his way without her. Nick looks up and sees an owl’s face carved in a tree. It makes him remember when he woke up in the church in the first episode. Ofelia finishes praying and thanks him for being there with her.

Daniel sneaks around and sees the kid talking to a closed door. He asks the kid who he’s talking to and the kid says his mother. Daniel asks the kid to introduce him. Yep, as I thought. There’s bunch of zombies in there and this kid has been feeding them dogs.

Daniel goes to Celia and asks if she’s responsible. She says they’re family and she didn’t want to refuse them shelter, that they were being hunted. Daniel says she poisoned the parishioners and she says he’s being outrageous and needs to make peace with the dead. Okay, now what Victor said about Luis makes sense. She’s bringing communion wafers in to Thomas and Victor.

Celia sings a little Spanish ditty while she gives Thomas a sponge bath. She tells Victor that when Thomas was afraid of the dark as a boy, that was the only thing that worked. She says she never thought Victor was good enough for Thomas, but she was wrong. He asks how long it will take and she says not long. She tells him to sleep and leaves.

Nick sees Celia outside. She says Nick’s mother worries about him and he says he’s given her reason. Celia asks what he wants to know and he asks if they’re really dead. She says no and he asks what they are. She says they’re what comes next. Great.

Victor is in bed with Thomas and watching him. Thomas dies in Victor’s arms. Victor looks at the communion wafer, but walks past it. Chris gets out of bed and gets something out of a drawer. A gun? He goes into Alicia’s room where she’s sleeping with Madison. He takes a knife from the neightstand and a gunshot wakes everyone. Alicia screams at him to get out.

Victor has shot Thomas in the head.

Next time, Chris disappears, Nick walks among the dead, and Victor isn’t done

Shahs of Sunset

Reza and GG are at a bathhouse. GG gas to go through some medical treatments. Reza is of a “no man left behind” school of thought, and says people need other people. That’s what differentiates them from snakes. Really. He said that.

MJ and Tommy are talking about moving in together. They call the fertility doctor about the tests results. He says Tommy’s sperm count is low and it will  be almost impossible to get pregnant. The doctor says it could be a wrong count though because of them having sex too close to the time of the test. MJ makes Tommy swear not to [insert favorite euphemism here] for a minimum of two days.

Jessica and Mike are going to couples counseling. This should be good. The therapist asks for background and Mike says they’re having marital problems. Great start. Jessica has moved out, but Mike didn’t tell anyone. He thought she’d be back in a few days, but it didn’t happen. The therapist asks if they’re in a place where they want to fix things and she’s there to help them work through it.

Jessica says she knocked herself out to show Mike how worthy and capable she was, but then the relationship bombed after marriage. Mike says he’s been working like a dog to be the bread winner and loves Jessica more than anything. She says she needs more than that. More than love and money? Mike says she’s riddled with anger and he feels like he’s failed her. I’m not sure exactly what the problem is. Did he cheat?

Shervin’s mom has come for a visit. She’s trying to cook for him even though he has no utensils. Awww! He has a cute little Pomeranian that he says is a chick magnet. GG is joining them for dinner. They talk about relationships. GG says Shervin has no game, only money. She says he’s looking for the perfect princess who doesn’t exist.

Reza and Asa get together. Asa is having a cat-themed retirement party for her mom. They pick up some fast food and head to Palm Springs. They’re going to pick out a restaurant for the surprise wedding. They check out a room that Asa says is stunning, but I don’t know if I’d go that far. It’s good for Reza though.

Tommy has his sperm count retested. MJ sits in a differnt chair this time for supersticious reasons. She also mentions that they don’t sleep on the same side of the bed every night. That seems weird to me. The test is better this time and the doctor thinks they should be good to go. The doctor says the longer they wait, the less chance of success. MJ isn’t quite ready yet though.

Asa goes to Reza’s Palm Springs place for a drink after they’re done with wedding business. Asa asks Reza what if Adam is caught off guard and Reza doesn’t get the reaction he wants. Reza says he doesn’t have a back up plan, because a back up plan is a plan for a failure.

Shervin is out on a date with Analise, who is Italian, but grew up in Australia. He met her in line at a coffee place. It sounds like Shervin doesn’t work too hard at any kind of relationship stuff. He says all he ever basically does is smile. He asks her something about “cheerio, guv’nor,” and apparently he’s not super bright either since they don’t say that in Australia. She says he must not go on a lot of dates and suggests he switch up his approach.

MJ’s mom, Vida, comes over with her dog Ziggy, who is looking like she’s recovered from MJ taking her to the groomer. Now she just has a purple pom pom on her tail. While they’re cooking, MJ tells Vida that Tommy moved in. Vida is seriously annoyed. MJ says things are moving too fast for her mother. She tells Vida about having her eggs frozen and she feels she only has another year or so to get everything into place. Vida says having a child isn’t like picking out a Louis Vuitton bag. MJ says she’s hoping to marry Tommy and Vida says she’ll get no help from her since he’s the wrong guy. And Vida ought to know.

Asa is preparing for the retirement party. Mr. Barfy makes an appearance for his favorite food, flaming Cheetos. Everyone dresses like a cat except Mike. He makes excuses for Jessica by saying she’s out of town. GG gives Asa’s mother a bottle of wine in a cat-shaped bottle.

Reza says Asa’s mom is also a sorcerer (wouldn’t that be sorceress?) and reads coffee grounds. He tells her about the surprise wedding and she says the grounds tell him to be careful and that the future is unknown. She sees someone who might interfere as well.

Asa makes a toast to her mother’s gangster ways. Reza asks GG what’s up since she looks like she has a glow. She says she’s been communicating better and it’s taken her to good places. MJ asks Mike about Jessica and he says he likes MJ’s shoes. He walks away from the table, but MJ follows. Mike tells her that he realizes Jessica thought he would change when they got married. He says they got in a huge argument, and when he got home from work the next day, she’d gone to her parents. MJ feels hurt because she didn’t realize it was a facade, which I don’t understand at all. Mike starts whining about how hard it is and how he wants Jessica to come home. Reza thinks it’s bizarre after only six months. Oddly enough, GG is the voice of reason, telling MJ it’s none of her business. MJ keeps repeating that Mike’s wife left him and Mike finally tells her to shut up, because he can hear her from halfway across the yard. He wonders who made her a marriage counselor when she has her own issues.

It’s time to cut the cake. It’s a huge white cat. MJ decides to go home and toddles off before Asa smears icing all over her mom’s face. Asa follows MJ outside. MJ says she’s done with Mike’s shennanigans and Reza says she’s had over a fifth of tequila. Yikes! GG says and everyone keeps calling her crazy.

Next time, the Shahs dress up in monkey suits (and I don’t mean tuxedos, I mean monkey suits), Tommy tells MJ to quit bothering Mike, and the surprise wedding happens…or does it?

Game of Thrones

Edd picks up his sword. He asks Jon where he’s going and Jon says south. He asks what Jon is going to do and Jon says get warm. Edd asks how Jon can leave them now when he knows what’s coming? Jon says his own brothers killed him, so how can Edd expect him to stay?.

Brienne, Pod and Sansa come to the gate. Yay! They finally made it somewhere. Jon comes out. He and Sansa hug.

Sansa has some soup and she and Jon make small talk. He says they should never have left Winterfell. Sansa says she was awful as a kid, and wishes she could change everything. She makes him forgive her. Sansa asks where Jon is going and he says she’s coming too; if he doesn’t look after her, their father’s ghost will haunt him. Sansa thinks they should take back Winterfell. Jon is tired of fighting. He says it’s all he’s done since he left home. She says if they don’t take back the north, they’ll never be safe. She wants him to help, but is willing to do it herself.

Davos approaches the Red Woman. She says Jon is the prince who was promised and she’s going to do what he commands. Davos mentions that she’d thought Stannis was the promised prince. The Red Woman tells him about the battle. When Davos asks about Princess Shireen, Brienne joins the, saying she saw what happened. I’ll bet that made the Red Woman sweat, but Davos doesn’t pursue it. Brienne also tells them she’s the one who executed Stannis.

Robin is doing target practice and Petyr drives up. He’s brought Robin a falcon. Lord Royce asks about Sansa and Petyr tells him what happened, but wonders how his secrets about Sansa got out. Royce says he’s always been faithful and Robin asks Petyr if they can trust him. Petyr says he would make a capable commander and deserves another chance. Robin agrees.

Petyr tells Robin that Sansa escaped, and was headed for Castle Black, but she won’t be safe with the Boltons after her. Robin says they should help her. Petyr says to get everyone ready for battle.

Tyrion talks to Grey Worm and Missandei about negotiations. Missandei says he hasn’t been there long enough to understand how it works.

One of the men tells Tyrion they came to meet the queen, and instead they get a eunich and a dwarf. He says Dany was offered ships and she refused them. Missandei says it’s because of the slavery situation. Tyrion says they don’t need slaves to make money. He says he grew up richer than any of them and there haven’t been slaves in Westeros for hundreds of years. Tyrion says Dany will compromise, giving them seven years to end the practice, and they’ll be compensated. They’re also to cut off support of the Sons of the Harpy. The man says they don’t support them, and Tyrion says all the same, they’re to stop their support. He gives them some girls to seal the deal.

Tyrion talks to the head guys who are pissed at him meeting with the slavers. He says the queen chose him as her adviser and as soon as she returns — but he’s interrupted as there’s concern she won’t return. Grey Worm says if there’s a chance for peace, they should go for it. Missandei says we make peace with our enemies not our friends.

Afterwards, Grey Worm tells Tyrion that he’s loyal to Dany, not Tyrion, and he’d better be right. Tyrion says he does’t trust them, but trusts their self-interest. He says their contempt is their weakness and they can use it to their advantage. Grey Worm says it will end up the other way around the way it does every time.

Jorah and Daario are hiking the hills. Daario tells Jorah that he’s getting old for all this stuff, and that it’s hard for him to keep up with Dany and he’s a young man. They observe the Dothraki camp. Jorah tells Daario that they’ve taken Dany to the temple. Jorah takes his sword off, telling Daario there are no weapons allowed. Daario suggests sneaking in to cart off Dany isn’t allowed either, but Jorah says if they get caught, it’s better if they’re unarmed.

At nightfall, they sneak into the camp, which is really rocking and rolling with Dothraki eating, drinking and being merry. Jorah sees some men and pretends he’s a wineseller who got lost. The guy says they’re not merchants and a fight ensues. Jorah nearly gets killed, but apparently Daario decided to keep one of his weapons. Jorah says if anyone finds the body, the whole city will be looking for them. Daario covers up the stab wound by beating the crap out of the body with a rock.

At the crone camp, the girls sit in a circle and the head crone tells Dany she hopes Dany is allowed to stay with them. Dany says she needs some water and the crone tells her there’s no running from the Dothraki. Dany says she’d never do that and one of the girls escorts her to the well. Halfway there, Daario and Jorah pop out. Dany tells the girl to have faith in her.

The sisters come to Margaery’s cell and bring her to see the High Sparrow. He asks her where she’d go if she could leave. She says to her brother, her family, her husband. He says that would be seeking materialism and materialism is sin. He tells her his own story. He says he sought a taste of the high life and had an epiphany and how his life was a collection of lies. He left his life and never went back, not even stopping for his shoes.

The High Sparrow takes Margaery to her brother. Loras starts to weep and she tells him he has to stay strong and that he’s the future of their family. He says he’s not strong and begs for help. She says they want her to help tear him down; that’s the only reason the High Sparrow is letting her see him. He dissolves into a puddle of tears and isn’t much help.

The Grand Maester is speaking with Tommen and Cersei kicks him out. Tommen says they need to be careful in dealing with the High Sparrow. He’s concerned about Margaery. Cersei is only concerned about herself, but says Margaery’s safety is paramount. Tommen says Cersei doesn’t like Margaery, but Cersei says it doesn’t matter, a queen should command respect.

Tommen tells Cersei that the High Sparrow told him something in confidence and Cersei says he can trust her. Hahahahahahaha!

Cersei cancels the small councel meeting. She tells Olenna that the High Sparrow has their fate in his grubby, little hands. She says her trial is coming up, but before that, Queen Margaery is supposed to have an atonement walk. Olenna is like, no way, and Cersei says that’s right. Jaime says they’re going to fight the High Sparrow. Cersei tells the King’s Hand to stand aside and his son will be avenged. Olenna says people will die no matter what route is taken, so better them than us. Amen, sista!

Theon finally makes it home. His sister says she didn’t believe it when she was told. Yara says good men died trying to rescue him. She says he was her brother, so she risked everything for him and he betrayed her. Theon says Ramsay broke him into a thousand pieces. She says they got one of the pieces and that’s why they tried to free him. Yara thinks he’s just there to claim the throne. He says he doesn’t want to be king. She asks what he wants. He says that she should rule. Damn straight.

Creepy Ramsay peels an apple. The guard shoves Osha into his room. He asks if she knows his banner. She says yes, the flayed man, and asks if they eat them afterward. Ha-ha! He says no, and she says she’s seen worse. She makes like the Starks had turned her into a slave and she thought she could ransom Rickon. He says Rickon is no longer hers, and why should he keep her around? She puts the moves on him, and he says she’s a good talker. He tells her he knows all about her past with the Starks and who helped the boys escape. Then he slits her throat. Bye, Osha.

Brienne watches Tormund eat. Edd says sorry about the food; it’s not what they’re known for. Somene come in with a message for the Lord Commander. Jon says that’s not him anymore, but takes it anyway. It’s from Ramsay, telling him to come and try to take Winterfell. He has Rickon and the skin of his direwolf is on the floor. He wants his wife back. He goes on to say how he’s going to torture everyone in graphic detail. Jon can’t read any more and Sansa reads the rest. It’s signed the Lord of Winterfell, so they know Roose is dead.

Sansa says a monster has taken their home and their brother, and they have to fight to save them both. She tells Jon people will fight for him if he only asks.

At the Dothraki camp, the Khal and his guys discuss the dead guy they found. Dany is brought in. The Khals buddy says she’s a midget. He says someone is offering 10,000 horses for her and he’s not sure if they should let her stay with the crones or use her as a whore. Dany asks if they’d like her opinion. The Khal says she has no voice unless she is Dosh Kahleen. They talk about Khal Drogo and the plans he had. She says his plans were bigger and better than any of the  piddling stuff they’re doing. She says none of them are fit to lead the Dothraki, but she is.

The Khal says fine, they’ll take turns with her and then give their horses a turn. He calls her crazy. She tells him he’s gong to die and knocks over the fire pit. The whole places starts burning. The men are all running around like crazy. It’s like Carrie — the doors are locked and everything is going up in flames, with Dany in the middle of it, cool as a cucumber.

A crowd gathers outside and Dany emerges just like she did the first time, nakey and untouched in the middle of a massive blaze. The crowd bows down to her. Jorah and Daario come forward, amazed. They too bow down. Very impressive. A beautiful and emotional scene.

Next time, Petyr and Sansa meet, Yara claims the iron throne, and Bran has a helluva vision.

May 13, 2016 — Two, Two, Two GHs & Couch Quotes

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Maxie is telling herself everything is going to be fine. Griff comes out and she asks about Nathan.

Anna tries to get out of the meat locker, but it’s locked, which makes sense for a locker. It must not be that cold, since we can’t see her breath.

Jordan says they’re looking for Carrrlos. Paul says he’s going to get away again.

Carrrlos asks why. Julian says it had to be done and stabs him a bunch more times. Bastard.

Alexis tells Sonny she can’t get ahold of Julian. Sonny says he’s going to Crimson and Alexis says she’s coming along.

Julian takes the envelope of money out of Carrrlos’s hand, saying he won’t need it now.

Franco tells her he’d forgotten how big his hands were. Ha-ha! Did Roger Howarth make that up? Nina doesn’t know what to say. They both agree that making jokes is a defense mechanism for them. Nina wonders how to react, and Franco suggests amused or charmed. She says calling 911 is an option too. Really? Just a wee bit overboard. Nina says the last time she saw him, he’d said their relationship was broken and twisted, but Franco says he’s the one who’s broken and twisted. He says he’s come to her with no defenses, no armor and no pants. He begs her to come back.

Griff tells Maxie that Nathan is incredibly resilient and he’s going to be okay. He tells her to stick close to Nathan and he’ll be fine. She says she plans to.

Jordan says just when she thinks Paul is out of audacity, he magics up some more. She tells him he doesn’t seem too broken up about Carrrlos’s escape. Felix enters and says Dante was stabbed with a really expensive pen. Jordan wonders how he got his hands on something like that.

Carrrlos calls for Sabrrrina. Julian kicks him into the water.

Anna looks around for something to use and finds a metal doohickey. She pries at the lock.

Sonny tells Alexis he knows how it is to want to believe someone, but when they lie to you over and over, it becoems difficult.

Michael finds Carrrlos, who asks for help. Talk about resilient.

Griff tells Maxie that Nathan is in recovery, but won’t be very communicative. She says she can talk for the both of them. She thanks Griff and he says he was just doing his job. She asks why he said he “owed it” to Nathan.

Jordan wonders where Anna is. She says maybe Carrrlos found Anna. Andre says he hasn’t heard from her since she got out of jail. He talks about Anna following Carrrlos to Canada, and Jordan wonders if Anna is at the pier because that’s the only route out of Port Charles. Andre wonders what will happen if Carrrlos finds Anna first.

Anna lies down on the floor.

Franco tells Nina he loves her and wants her to come home. She says it doesn’t solve their problems and brings up the children thing. She says every step closer she takes toward herself is a step away from him. He says apparently there’s no room for him in her life. She says that’s not it. The more independent she is, the less he wants her. She says he only wants her when she needs him. He asks if she can look him in the eye and tell him she doesn’t love him.

Julian comes in and is like, what? Franco says they were having a conversation and Julian tells him to get out. Nina tells Franco the conversation is done and Franco leaves. Julian asks if Nina is okay. She says yes and asks what he’s doing there.

Michael pulls Carrrlos out of the water. He says he’ll help him if Carrrlos tells him where Sabrrrina and the baby are.

Maxie says Griff barely knows Nathan, so how could he owe him anything? He says that Nathan is part of the PCPD, but Maxie says it sounded more personal than that. Before he can answer, Obrecht runs in, asking about her son. Griff says he should be fine, but it’s been a busy night and it’s not over, so he has to go.

Michael pumps Carrrlos for information and Carrrlos tells him go to hell. Him and his father.

Julian says he doesn’t want to mean, but obviously Franco has issues. Nina says he’s a vulnerable man who was trying to fix things in an off-kilter way. She says she appreciates Julian’s concern, but everything is cool. She tells him his shirt is stained and asks what happened.

Sonny and Alexis get to the office. Michael calls Sonny and tells Sonny to meet him at the ER. The paramedics are at the pier and loading Carrrlos onto a stretcher. Jordan shows up and asks Michael what happened. Michael explains that he found Carrrlos in the water, stabbed and bleeding. Jordan asks about Anna, but Michael says he hasn’t seen her.

Andre finds Anna and tells her to wake up; it’s time to go. He says he’ll explain later and helps her stand up.

Obrecht congratulates Maxie on the engagement. She says she missed out on so many things with her son’s life. She tells Maxie a story about Nathan breaking his arm as a boy and shows her a picture of him at nine, already “a man of courage and daring.” She says her sister told her that he was in a cast for a month, but she was half a world away. She says she was never there for him, and Maxie says she’s there now and that’s what matters. Nathan is ready to have one visitor. Maxie tells Obrecht to go, but she says Maxie is the one he wants to see. Franco comes in and Obrecht hugs him.

Paul tells Jordan he’s alerted the hospitals to look for anyone who’s been in a struggle. Jordan says they’ll have to ask Carrrlos what happened and Paul adds, assuming he survives.

Andre brings Anna to the hospital. She asks him to get her some coffee and asks how he found her. Andre says he looked for a place where Carrrlos might contain her and the meat locker seemed like an obvious choice. She thanks him and says she’ll be eternally grateful.

The EMTs bring Carrrlos in.

Alexis comes into Julian’s office. He asks what she’s doing there and she says he wasn’t answering his phone. Nina comes out in a robe. He says they were having some red wine that got spilled, so he changed shirts. You can tell Alexis thinks something’s up. They leave the office and Alexis asks if he was there the whole time.

Anna wants to go in while their working on Carrrlos. Griff overhears. Sonny comes in and Michael tells him what happened.

Nina realizes Franco left without one of his socks. Maxie calls and tells her about Nathan.

Franco asks Obrecht what happened. She says Nathan was attacked by an escaped prisoner, but his prognosis is good. He tells her about Nina’s rebuff. She says her only son just survived a brush with death and he’s being self-absorbed. She says she’s always been supportive and when she needs him to return the favor, he can’t do it. He says he’s going through a rough patch and she says it’s going to get rougher. She’s no longer chief-of-staff and he’s on his own.

Obrecht goes in to see Nathan. She tells him maybe it’s time to consider a desk job. Maxie agrees, but he says he’s always going to be a cop. He asks what happened to Carrrlos.

Julian tells Alexis he can’t believe she brought Sonny with her. She says no one was picking up their phones and she had to make sure he wasn’t with Carrrlos. Now she’s going to call Sonny to tell him he was wrong.

Jordan wants info on the ships leaving the pier. Andre calls and tells her he found Anna and explains what happened with her an Carrrlos. He says she should come to the ER. Jordan says no one leaves until they find the weapon used on Carrrlos.

Good luck with that, since Julian is at home cleaning it off.

Carrrlos goes into cardiac arrest. Alexis texts sonny that Julian was at Crimson and he calls her a fool. Michael tells Sonny what happened at the pier.

Griff asks Anna if she’s the one who stabbed Carrrlos. She says no and fills him in. Felix comes out and Sonny asks if Carrrlos is alive.

Nina comes to the hospital to see Nathan. Franco looks dismally through the window.

Carrrlos is still alive and Jordan wants to know as soon as he can talk. She asks Michael to come to the station, but he says he’s not answering anything without his lawyer. Jordan asks Anna if she’s okay and says she’ll need Anna’s statement at some point. Andre tells her she knows where he is if she needs to talk. She thanks him and says he’s a real lifesaver.

Paul gets all loud about wanting to know the condition of the prisoner. Felix gets called back into surgery.

I missed this before, but Julian killed Carrrlos with the dagger Alexis’s mother was murdered with. Why it’s on display at their home, I have no clue, but Julian puts it back in the china cabinet. Alexis enters and says she just got a call from the PCPD and they found Carrrlos wounded on the pier, but he’s still alive.

Anna tells Sonny the only way Carrrlos can get out of anything is to give up Julian. Felix says he’s not going to make it to surgery. Anna says they need to talk to him before he dies. Felix says the only one going in is a priest. Griff says they have him; he’s a priest.

Tomorrow, Nicholas plans on making life hell for Hayden, Paul says Sonny is high on the list of suspects and Sonny grills a dying Carrrlos.

General Hospital — Friday

Anna wants to record Carrrlos’s confession. She says it’s their last chance to get what they need. She gets all up in dying Carrrlos’s face and Griff tells her to back off. Griff is going to give him last rites.

Elizabeth has found a new house, so she’s moving out of Windemere. She tells Nicholas his good mood has her nervous. She asks if he’s forgiven Hayden and he says quite the opposite.

Curtis is working out with the punching bag. Hayden comes into the gym. He says she obviously needs help, so what is it? She says she needs him to steal some diamonds from Nicholas. He tells her hell to the no.

Julian cleans off the dagger and puts it back in the china cabinet. Alexis comes downstairs. She says they found Carrrlos wounded on the pier and he made it to the ER still alive. Ha-ha! Julian must be crapping his pants. She says he doesn’t look surprised.

Bad Anna! She says they don’t have time for a religious ceremony. Griff begins anyway. Sonny crosses himself, but he tells Anna it’s not for Carrrlos, it’s just what you do. I see he’s an A&P Catholic.

What I’m wondering is, how did Griff have all this time to go to theology school, go through the years long process of becoming a priest and go to medical school, along with whatever schooling it takes for a specialty? He’s supposed to be around 28.

Commercial break with important information. Don’t forget Once Upon A Time’s 2-hour season finale starts at 7 pm this Sunday.

Elizabeth is hoping that Nicholas kicked Hayden to the curb and she’s getting nothing. He says not yet. She says she hopes he isn’t banking on Hayden changing. Nicholas says he has a plan. He’s going to make Hayden’s life a living hell.

Delighting all the ladies in the audience, Curtis is jumping rope. Hayden says she needs his full attention. She says if there was ever a day for her to start begging, this is the one. She says she has no family or friends, and he’s the only one she can count on. He starts to tape her hands and says he’s going to show her another way to work through her problems.

Julian says of course he’s surprised. Alexis says no one has more to gain from Carrrlos being dead. She asks if he sent someone to kill Carrrlos.

Griff continues to give last rites and my mind boggles that Anna and Sonny are allowed to stand there kibitzing. Carrrlos finishes the Lord’s Prayer in Spanish.

Paul tells Jordan the obvious, that calling in a priest isn’t a good sign. Anna tells Griff this has to stop. I wonder what world they live in where she can interfere with last rites. Oh yeah, soap world.

Anna acts like a jerk. Griff says he’s there as a priest. Anna argues with him about Duke. He says definition of faith… and I completely space out and miss possibly the most important moment of the show. Or at least Griff’s part in it.

Paul says Sonny must be on the short list of suspects (another reason he wouldn’t be allowed in the room). Jordan thinks if she can trace the pen to its owner, she’ll have who killed Carrrlos.

Julian promises Alexis he didn’t send anyone to the docks. I can just hear him justifying this to himself by saying that technically he’s not lying. He says she can check his phone, which would be useless since he could have deleted any evidence there or have a dedicated phone. She asks why Anna called and he says to ask him the same questions Alexis is asking. He says he’s going to the hospital and Alexis tells him he can’t go anywhere near there or he’s asking to be picked up. He says he has to go find out what’s going on.

Griff anoints Carrrlos while Anna won’t STFU. Sonny looks bored. Griff finishes the rites and absolves Carrrlos. I love Griff. He’s one of those do the right thing people who will even tell a best friend that they’re wrong. He asks if there’s anything Carrrlos wants to say and Sonny starts yelling at Carrrlos to admit Julian gave the order to kill Duke. Anna adds her two cents and Carrrlos flatlines. Anna insists Carrrlos would have given up Julian if they hadn’t wasted time with a pointless ritual. Maybe he would have if you two hadn’t screeched at him in the last moments of his life.

Alexis asks Julian why he needs to check on Carrrlos and Julian says he was a friend. Alexis isn’t buying that one and Julian tries to justify all the things he’s ever said about Carrrlos that weren’t very friendly. Alexis realizes there’s a window of time where Julian’s gun wasn’t accounted for. She asks if Julian came back for it.

Jordan is at the door. She’s there to talk to Julian and Alexis about Carrrlos. She tells them he’s dead.

Anna says this is the worst thing that could happen because now there are no ties between Carrrlos and Julian. She makes up scenarios about Sonny killing Julian and Sonny swears he’s on her side. Anna turns to go and almost smacks into Paul who says he’s sorry. Anna says Paul wanted Carrrlos dead as much as Julian and leaves. Sonny asks why Paul would want Carrrlos dead. He says Anna is out of her mind and Sonny says that doesn’t mean he’s not right. He brings up a few “coincidences.” Ava being connected to Julian, who is connected to Carrrlos, who is connected to Paul. Paul says Anna is disturbed. Sonny says Anna is a pro and tougher than Paul.

Griff goes to the chapel and asks for peace in his failings. He talks about finding out Duke was his father and the turmoil he went through with Carrrlos. He wants forgiveness for the satisfaction he felt when Carrrlos died and asks God to welcome Carrrlos into His kingdom and forgive him, since there was no forgiveness in this world for him. Anna watches.

Curtis teaches Hayden to box and tells her he does some of his best thinking in the ring. They spar and Hayden tells him about the diamonds that Nicholas found. She says right now she’s bluffing to keep them at a stand-off, but her resources are dwindling. Curtis suggest she sell her engagement ring online. She says it has sentimental value because it reminds her of when they were happy for five minutes. Curtis suggests selling stuff that Nicholas has around the house. She asks if he’ll help her.

Elizabeth is like, Hayden is still living in the lap of luxury, how is that a living hell? He says a loveless marriage is no cakewalk, but what he has on her will bring her down as much as what she has on him. He adds that Elizabeth gave him a great idea and leaves.

Anna is working my last nerve. While Griff is trying to talk to God, she confronts him and says the one chance they had to get a confession was squandered by him. She asks why he’s been lying to her.

Jordan suggests Carrrlos was still working for Julian. Julian says he was at the office, and Jordan asks what time Alexis saw him there. Alexis says 2:30 am and Jordan says Carrrlos was stabbed prior to that. Julian says Nina can vouch for the rest of the time. Alexis says Julian didn’t shoot Carrrlos and Jordan says who said Carrrlos was shot?

Paul says he wants an arrest for Carrrlos’s murder asap. Sonny tells him he’s putting on a good act and brings up the pen. Paul wants to know if Dante is giving out details on the case, but Sonny says he saw him come into the ER and wonders where the pen came from. He says Anna doesn’t like Paul very much. Paul says Anna is a valued colleague who’s going through a bad time. Sonny says he respects her and Paul says he does too, but it’s inappropriate for her to have a relationship with Sonny. Sonny says she’d bust him in a second if he did anything wrong. He says that if Carrrlos had stuck the pen in Dante’s throat, Dante would have died, and whoever put the pen in his hands, he’s going to deal with them. Paul says he’s making it his business to have a thorough investigation.

Anna says too bad Griff was more concern with giving Carrrlos absolution than he was with Duke’s death. She says Carrrlos deprived them of Duke. Griff says he’d like to help her let go of the anger, pain and grief. She says she gets that his faith gives him comfort, but his lectures on forgiveness are insulting. She says he knows very little about the circumstances of Duke’s life and less about his death. She says Julian gave the order and she’s not resting until he’s brought to justice.

Jordan tells Alexis that Carrrlos was stabbed and it must have been one hell of a blade.

Curtis shows Hayden how to sell stuff online. Hayden says Nicholas is gong to go crazy when he finds out, but the goal is for him to give her money to go away. She thanks Curtis for being a good friend.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth that he’s donating all of Hayden’s clothes to charity. He’s instructed the staff to only keep a pair of underwear and ratty sweatpants. Elizabeth asks if this is just another chapter in their so-called love story. Nicholas says no way and just watch what happens. Elizabeth says hearing that almost makes her not want to move. Almost.

Sonny and Anna go in to where Carrrlos’s body is. Sonny says he spoke to the staff and she’s getting a last chance to say what she needs to say. She says she wants Julian to go down in a court of law. Sonny says that might not happen for Duke’s murder, but someone killed Carrrlos. Sonny leaves and Anna asks dead Carrrlos if he was trying to tell her that Julian murdered him. She talks about the irony of him being loyal to Julian. She says she should feel sorry for him, but she feels like he got what he deserved and somehow, some way, Julian will too.

Jordan says they haven’t found the murder weapon yet but she’s confident they will. She tells them they should call their lawyers since they’ll probably need them. She leaves.

Alexis goes to the cupboard and takes the dagger out. She repeats what Jordan said — it must have been one hell of a blade — and looks at Julian

On Monday, Alexis calls out Julian, Franco is fired from working with Jake, Obrecht wants to take Finn down, and Carly asks what Sonny is planning.

People’s Couch Quotes of the Week

Oh, the horse. All I care about is the horse. — Destiney, referring to Game of Thrones. I totally understand this. I’ve seen the Red Wedding episode at least six times, but never watched when the direwolf gets killed.

Betty White?! Rashawn while googling “Becky with the good hair,” during Lemonade.

What is a resting bitchy [sic] face?
Do you see your face right now? — Cathy and Destiney, respectively, while watching Below Deck: Mediterranean.

Chopped Junior sounds like a bris. — Emerson.

May 11, 2016 — GH, & Little & Big Women in NYC

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Nina is at the office, staring at the weird picture of her that Franco sketched.

Franco is in a prison visiting room. Heather comes in wearing lots of chains.

Sonny wonders who would transfer Carrrlos in the first place.

Carrrlos tells Julian he’s at Pier 54, which might as well be Studio 54, since it’s so crowded all the time. Julian asks what he’s doing with Anna’s phone. Carrrlos says she found him, but he didn’t kill her, he just put her on ice.

Ah, the reappearance of Duke we were promised. He wakes Anna.

Carrrlos tells Julian he has no money and no ID. Julian says it’s too risky, but Carrrlos tells Julian he still has a life because of him. He just wants to be reunited with Sabrrrina and the baby, and swears Julian will never hear from him again.

Nina almost whacks Dillon in the head. He was coming in to catch up on work and didn’t realize she was sleeping there. She says the MetroCourt was booked. Kiki runs in and tells Nina she has to get home now, because Franco is losing his mind.

Franco asks Heather if she’s surprised, since the last time he saw her, she was trying to inject Nina with LSD. He tells her he’s painting again and she says she’s working on some new paintings herself. She’s moved on from sandwiches to salads. He shows Heather his latest work, a portrait of her.

Carly tells Sonny that Dante wants him to stay out of it and let the police handle it. Sonny says they see things differently. She says Carrrlos is in so much trouble, he’s going to have to take whatever deal they give him. Michael comes in and says what if they don’t find him.

Carrrlos tells Julian that he’ll have no choice but to take the plea bargain if he gets caught. Julian tells him not to get caught.

Duke, who looks amazing for a dead guy, tells Anna how beautiful she is. She says it’s been a nightmare without him and she failed him. She says she tried to bring Carrrlos to justice and Duke deserves better than that. Duke says he doesn’t want her wasting her life on that; they’re together now and that’s all that matters.

No surprise, Julian gets his gun. Alexis walks in with a cop. Good.

Kiki tells Nina it’s urgent and Dillon is surprised she left the apartment by herself. Nina says she and Franco broke up. Kiki says he’s not taking it well, and painting some scary things.

Heather says Franco’s creative forces are back. He says he’s been having a hard time with Nina because she wants a baby. Heather says a new version of Franco would be great, but he says it’s a terrible idea. He says her adoption talk was the beginning of the end. Heather says she never liked Nina anyway. Franco says he’s lost without her and the only good thing he has left is his job at the hospital as an art therapist. He says Obrecht helped him and she’s been very supportive. Heather says Obrecht is trying to stifle his creativity with a mundane job. Franco says she’s not the problem. Since he lost Nina, he’s been having dark thoughts that he doesn’t know how to stop. He doesn’t know how to get Nina back. Heather badmouths Nina some more and Franco tells her to stop and tell him how to win Nina back instead.

Carly says if Carrrlos isn’t found, Sonny needs to cut his losses and not poison his life seeking revenge. She says he should be grateful for what he has. They hear Avery cry over the monitor. Carly says Avery feels the same way and goes to tend to her. Michael tells Sonny what happened when he went to see Carrrlos. He asks if Jason’s interference was Sonny’s idea. Sonny says Carly is right and Carrrlos is trouble no one needs.

Alexis comes in with two cops. She says she told Jordan that if Julian heard from Carrrlos, he would have said something. One of the officers says they have a search warrant and they go looking. Alexis asks Julian what’s up with the gun. He says it’s to protect himself, since Carrrlos is on the loose. Alexis locks it up, but Julian hides another weapon in his waistband. He tells her he has to go to the office.

Carrrlos hears the cops coming. Anna tells Duke she’s been lost without him. She’s had grief, rage and pain about the unfairness of it all. She tells him his funeral was beautiful and people were so kind, she forgot for a while, but then fell into despair. She tells him about shooting Carrrlos and how she let the anger win. Duke tells her it’s over. He says it can’t be undone and she can’t go on reliving it. Anna says they had so much more they could have done and it’s gone. They laugh about the things they might have done. He says they both lost so much, but they’re together now. He kisses her hand.

Kiki tells Nina that Franco is spiraling and she needs to ground him. Nina says she can’t do that, and Dillon says she can’t even sleep without him. Nina says they waited so long to have sex and when they did it was great. If only they’d stayed in bed. Kiki is like, this is TMI.

Heather says she’s never been able to hang on to any of the men she’s been involved with. Franco says he’s come to accept that they’re more alike than he wants to admit. Heather says he’s a splendid son, despite who his father is, although she and Scotty were at their best in bed. Franco says it’s same with him and Nina, and Heather tells him to get her back between the sheets.

Duke talks about how if he’d begged Anna to run away with him before the Nurses Ball, they’d be in that cottage they talked about now. She tells him to take his own advice, no regrets, and tells him about Griff. The cops come, and Carrrlos hides under the pier.

The cops leave Julian’s and he tells Alexis he has to go. She asks if he’s going to see Carrrlos. He asks if she’s always going to question him now and she tells him to go, but be careful. He tells her he loves her and leaves.

Sonny calls Max, but no word on Carrrlos. Michael says Sonny seems surprisingly calm. They hear Carly with Avery over the monitor and Michael asks Sonny if the thing with Carrrlos is ever going away. Sonny says Carrrlos will get what he deserves, no matter who gives it to him. He thanks Michael for not putting himself at risk and coming home.

Duke asks who Griff’s mother is and Anna says Margaret Monroe. Duke says she was very shy, but serious. He says they broke up before he came to America, but he didn’t know she was pregnant. Anna tells him what Griff told her and about the letter.

Ha-ha! I can’t believe these goons don’t see Carrrlos’s head sticking out of the water.

The phone at Nina’s office rings. It’s Alexis, but she gets voicemail.

Julian gets to the pier. Carrrlos comes out of the water and tells him the cops just left. He says if anyone asks, he’ll say he was just taking a stroll. Carrrlos thanks him for coming and Julian says he’s there for him. If Carrrlos believes that, I have a bridge I’d like to sell him.

Alexis keeps trying to call Crimson’s office, but Nina thinks it’s Franco and won’t answer. She says if he wants to get back together, he needs to make a grand gesture.

Franco says he can’t believe that he came to Heather for advice. He says Nina won’t even talk to him, so how is he supposed to get her into bed? Heather says excuses are for ordinary people, not for extraordinary ones like them. Franco asks how that’s working for her. She says she thought she’d never see him again for one. She tells him to think big.

Carly and Michael come back downstairs to no Sonny. Carly asks if Sonny was talking about Carrrlos, and Michael says he said Sonny claimed that Carrrlos would get what’s coming to him.

Sonny thinks Julian is going to help Carrrlos, since he already killed a witness. Alexis says there was no evidence of foul play. Sonny says that doesn’t mean Julian didn’t do it. Alexis says it was strange that the witness suddenly showed up in the first place. Sonny says if Carrrlos comes back, it will ruin Julian’s new life. Alexis says he didn’t do it and Sonny says why isn’t he home then, adding because he’s with Carrrlos.

Julian gives Carrrlos some money and Carrrlos says he’ll never hear from him or see him again. He says men like them keep each other’s secrets. Julian says Carrrlos has a family to raise now. Carrrlos says just like Julian. Julian says the only thing left is good-by. I have a bad feeling about this, Beavis.

Anna tells Duke more about Griff, and how kind and generous he is, and that he’s a surgeon. Anna says when she’s with him, it’s like a part of Duke is in the room. She says Emma met him and is crazy about him. Duke says he always felt like Emma and Robin were his own family, but now he’s learned he has a son, but can’t be a part of his life.

Franco leaves and Heather goes on to the guards about what a genius he is.

Alexis opens the door to leave and runs into Sonny.

Kiki begs Nina to reach out to Franco, but she says it’s over. She says she needs some sleep and asks them to leave. Dillon says if Franco is being weird, he should follow Kiki home. Nina says relationships don’t work out, but Kiki says they’re just friends. I smell a set up.

Michael says he has to leave and clear his head. Carly tells him don’t go near the pier, the docks or Sonny’s office. He tells her Sonny will come home; he always does.

Sonny says Julian has two options, helping Carrrlos or killing him. Alexis says Julian claimed he went to Crimson, but isn’t picking up the phone.

Nina comes back into the office and Franco is there. In his birthday suit.

Duke tells Anna to tell Griff he loves him and would have sacrificed everything for him. Anna says there’s a lot of Duke in him, except for dancing. She says she loves Duke and always will. He says he feels the same way. They kiss. He tells her he promises she’ll get through this. Anna wakes up alone.

Julian says despite the trouble Carrrlos caused him, he did a lot for him and he’s grateful. Carrrlos says ditto and adios, amigo. Julian stabs him.

Tomorrow, Franco begs Nina to come back, no one can find Anna, Sonny accuses Alexis of lying, and Maxie asks if Nathan made it.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Sonja is visiting her facialist, who is discussing something about placenta and the black market. I don’t want to know. Sonja has a party coming upand the facialist didn’t get her invite. Because you always invite your facialist to your parties. Sonja talks to her assistant about the RSVPs.

Jules comes by Carole’s place. She’s invited everyone over for a psychic reading and we flash back to the coffee grounds reader who was so accurate. Really. She was. The psychic’s name is Kim Russo and Dorinda is a big fan. Kim says she reads energy and that it can’t be destroyed, so she can talk about people living or dead. Jules doesn’t want to be rude, but says in her interview that seeing a psychic isn’t very Jewish.

Kim talks to Dorinda about the many Johns in her life. Bethenny jokes that it’s an uncommon name, she’s a born cynic, and pass more cheese. Kim brings up Dorinda’s dead husband. Carole says part of her doesn’t believe this stuff, but there’s another part that wants it to be real. Kim tells Dorinda something about coins and that her husband is sending them, and this strikes a chord. Ramona is late and of course has to be noisy because everyone must focus on her and only her.

Dorinda gets weepy and says that before her husband died, he said he was going to leave change for her, and when she sees it, she should know he’s looking out for her. She says she finds them in weird places. Dead husband Richard says John is good for now, but can’t give her the “safety” she needs.

Kim says she sees a man around Bethenny and asks if there’s an anniversary of a death soon. Bethenny checks her phone and says it’s her father. Kim tells Bethenny that her father communicates in a distant way and also not to say she won’t get married again, even though Kim doesn’t see her doing it. Bethenny isn’t too impressed. Dorinda asks if she’ll get married again and Kim says yes, but not to John. Big mouth Ramona says, thank God, and Dorinda tells her to shut up and quit talking smack about John. She says she doesn’t give Ramona her opinion about the idiots Ramona brings around. Oooh, Dorinda brings up Mario leaving her for someone else. I kind of don’t blame her, because Ramona won’t shut up. Carole says it’s embarrassing.

Ramona asks if she’ll get married again and Kim says yes, but this time she’ll do things differently. Bethenny has to leave to pick up her daughter and she’s like, thanks for the cheese. Kim talks to Ramona about her father, and Ramona says he died shortly after the first time they actually connected. Kim brings up a photo and Ramona gets weepy as we see the photo in question. They take a break and Dorinda says Ramona needs to stop talking about John because it’s ruining their relationship.

Kim tells Carole she did a good thing for her friends because other emotions came out and it’s healing. Um…probably not.

Carole visits Jules, who doesn’t know what an iPod is, or the difference between one and an iPad. Carole asks for tea and Jules is confused as to how to make it. She does live on this planet, right? Jules talks about the psychic and Carole says she didn’t tell Kim anything about any of them beforehand. They talk about Bethenny’s skepticism and Carole says she was on her phone the whole time. They show a clip, and yep, she was.

Carole brings up Ramona being stupid and then what the psychic said about Jules. Jules tells Carole about her eating disorder and in her interview, Carole reflects on how Jules has an interesting and obvious relationship with food. Carole says Jules wants to express herself in a way that emancipates her and empowers other women. Jules says when she was in rehab, she wished she had someone to look up to and give her hope, and she would love to be a role model, something the psychic also talked about. Carole says at some point, Jules should think about a way to articulate it, whether it’s through writing, speeches, or whatever. Jules says she could hire someone to write it and Carole says she knows a good ghostwriter. Ha-ha!

John and Dorinda meet for dinner. Dorinda says the menu has really small writing on it and she’s right, it’s tiny. John wants some PDA and Dorinda is like, no and stop it. She brings up Ramona’s remarks at the psychic reading. John says he’s been a gentleman and Ramona has been nothing but rude. In her interview, Dorinda says she and John can be volatile and he wants to make it about him, but she wants it to be about her tonight. She says neither John nor Ramona are taking her feelings into consideration. Dorinda says the psychic said Ramona would get married again and John says he wants the best for her and starts talking about himself. She tells him he’s not even letting her get a whole sentence out.

Dorinda says if John and Ramona can’t be friends they need to be cordial. John wants to comment, but she tells him not if it’s about the past. He can’t do it and can’t seem to stop talking about it. Dorinda says she stood up for him and he should be thanking her. She tells him he’s not listening and he can grab an EZ-Pass back to Queens. I’m not sure what she means by that, since it’s a device for a car.She leaves him sitting there swilling pasta.

Sonja is throwing a birthday party for herself and also revealing her latest venture. She’s told no one about it and says she’s taken Bethenny’s advice.

Bethenny is doing some kind of promotion on the street in Manhattan. It’s raining, but tons of people still come out. Bethenny says she’s very involved with her brand and doesn’t just slap her name on something like some celebrities do. She passes out some kind of shakes from a food truck. People are taking selfies with her and we flash back to her first promotion that no one came to. She talks to her assistants afterward and recognizes their hard work. She says everyone would kill for the job only because they don’t know how hard it is.

Sonja is setting up for the party and Peter, her business partner enters. They talk about their presentation. The venue looks huge, although Sonja says it holds about 100 people.

Dorinda and Sonja kiss John on the cheeks. Eew! Dorinda says she’s about going forward and they’re going to have a good night. Ramona talks about the Countess’s birthday gift to her. Sonja is annoyed that she has to hear the regifting story again and wonders what Ramona got her for her birthday.

The Countess enters and takes Ramona aside. She tells Ramona she heard that she thinks The Countess moving in with Sonja is a bad idea. Ramona says it will be a revolving door of men and endless drinking. Jules is trying to eavesdrop. Her husband is down with that and asks if she wants him to be her beard. The Countess says Ramona is one to talk, but Ramona says although she likes a good time, she dosn’t go as far as they do. Hello? Turks and Caicos anyone? Sonja joins them and says quit talking about me.

The drinks are flowing. Dorinda tells The Countess about the necklace and Ramona says thanks a lot since she didn’t have a chance to say something herself. Ramona is pretty ticked off about this regifting business, but it turns out that Ramona doesn’t understand what the word is. What happened is this. The Countess had shown Ramona a necklace from her jewelry line that Ramona loved, but it was a sample and made out of cheaper materials that her skin reacted to. When the actual piece was manufactured, The Countess gave Ramona one for her birthday. This is not regifting and I don’t think I need to explain what that is. Ramona bitches some more and compares the necklace to the bag The Countess gave Bethenny for her birthday. Ramona is tedious and I don’t think I could take five minutes with her.

Sonja has John quiet everyone. She thanks them all for being supportive. She says they’re going to be passing trays with her new prosciutto wine, called Tipsy Girl. Not too close to Bethenny’s SkinnyGirl. Ramona doesn’t think liquor should be anything Sonja is involved with. Jules thinks that Bethenny isn’t going to appreciate the name, but Dorinda thinks she won’t care.

Jules approaches Sonja with her concerns, but Sonja is oblivious.

Next time, Sonja and The Countess join forces, Bethenny explains that a brand that rides another brand’s coattails is called a cheater brand and is a personal insult, and John kicks Ramona out. Should be good.

Little Women: NY

I’m not recapping Little Women: LA — Matt and Briana, but I do want to mention that I came to believe Matt is an opportunist. Enough said.

Jazmin’s husband, David, has to go to Florida for work, and she’s looking for a roommate because she wants to stay in NYC. She goes over to Jess’s place to ask if she can stay there, but Jess just got a roommate. She introduces Jess to Katie, who is also pregnant.

Katie says she knows Dawn and her husband (Jazmin’s brother). She says she saw them at LP conventions when they were younger, but they lost touch. She asks Jazmin how Dawn is as a sister-in-law, and Jazmin gives her a mini earful, no pun intended. Jess says she finds it hard to believe Katie and Dawn were friends, and wonders what happened to Dawn to make her so cranky.

Jason and DJ are having a rooftop brunch. DJ lives in Connecticut and comes in on the weekends. Lila and Jason haven’t spoken since Lila acted like an asshat, kicking Terra out of the housewarming party for absolutely no reason. Jason and DJ talk about their relationship and what they like about each other. It’s Jason’s first relationship, so everything is new.

Jess invites Dawn to lunch. She’s hoping to correct some of Dawn’s misconceptions. Good luck with that. If you can get the stick out of Dawn’s butt, let me know. Dawn is immediately condescending about Jess’s wrestling past and how she thinks it’s a bad influence on Jazmin. Jess says judging people by their profession isn’t fair. While Dawn agrees, she says they come from a small community and the world is judgmental. Jess says she should still be able to do what she wants to do regardless of her size. Dawn asks if she thinks it’s progressive and Jess says it’s not all that serious. Dawn brings up dwarf tossing which is not the same thing. Jess says bye, Felicia…er, Dawn.

Jason makes breakfast for Lila as a peace offering and says they should talk. He apologizes for not giving her a heads up about Terra, but says he had no idea she would get so crazy about it. He asks if anything is wrong and Lila bursts into tears. Her father has been suffering from lung disease. She’s been going back and forth to Ohio to help, and he didn’t make it. Jason feels even worse now. He tells Lila her dad is watching over her and her mom now. Lila says it puts things into perspective.

Katie meets Terra in the park. They’ve known each other for years and Katie wants to connect since Terra just had a baby and can relate. Katie says considering the measurements, her baby is going to be a little person. Terra asks where PJ (Katie’s baby daddy) is, and Katie says they’re taking a break. Katie wants to get married. Terra says it will be okay; she and Joe weren’t married when they had Penny. Katie is worried her daughter is going to grow up without a dad. Terra says Katie has a great family and support system of friends, and even if PJ doesn’t come around, Katie’s baby has Katie. Katie feels a lot better after talking with Terra.

It’s time for David to leave and it’s hard on Jazmin. She doesn’t go with him to the airport because it’s hard enough to get just yourself through the airport these days. Jazmin says she has big dreams and tons of determination. She decides to vent to Jason.

Jazmin tells Jason about approaching Dawn as a roommate and Dawn giving her a lecture. Jason says he’s not surprised, but still thinks it’s cold. He says he and Lila have a spare room and she can move in with them. He says he can turn Will and Grace into Three’s Company. They FaceTime with Lila in Ohio. Lila says it’s been busy, but she and her mom know that once everything quiets down, it’s going to feel lonely. Lila explains the situation, but before she can say anything about moving in, Lila suggests it. Problem solved.

Katie has a doctor’s appointment and Jess tags along. The doctor asks the usual questions and they go in for a sono. Loud baby. The doctor says the baby has extra digits on both hands. The baby’s father also has six fingers on each hand. Katie says she’s okay with it, but asks if it’s removable. The doctor says yes, as long as there’s no bone involved. Katie is concerned about the cost of the delivery and doesn’t know what to do.

Jason and Jazmin “pinkify” Lila’s room with flowers and balloons. Wet blanket Dawn drops by and says it might be best to give Lila her space. Since she’s lost both her parents and is the authority on everyone’s feelings. She’s also the first one to be all over Lila the second she walks through the door.

Lila is happy to be home and feels loved and supportive. She says that she’s learned family matters and she’s getting a new sister in Jazmin. Dawn says blah-blah-blah about how Jazmin should be independent, but she’s glad that Jazmin has a safe roof over her head. I focus on their really cute long-haired Chihuahua.

Jazmin makes the big move. Lila says little people and big boxes do not mix. Jazmin says Jason and Lila are more like family than Dawn will ever be. Jazmin suggests they do some belly dancing to celebrate.

Jazmin invites the gang to a Mediterranean restaurant. Jess isn’t looking forward to seeing Dawn. Dawn is surprised to see Katie and thinks she should be keeping better company than Jess. Dawn asks what brought Katie to the city. Katie explains about the trial separation, and Dawn acts like the lead balloon she is. In her interview, Dawn says it doesn’t sound like a good plan and wonders what Katie will do if PJ doesn’t come after her. She asks how Katie met Jess, and Katie says they met through wrestling and fields Dawns comments before she makes them. Jazmin says you should be supportive or keep your mouth shut. Jess says Dawn is ignorant because she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Dawn says if they’re defensive, they probably feel embarrassed by it. No, they’re just tired of your disparaging comments.

The exploitation discussion starts and Jazmin says they’re talking about her like she’s not there. Jazmin tells Dawn not to treat her she’s a child and she’s ignorant. Dawn says she thinks pretty highly of herself, meaning Dawn thinks very highly of herself. Who the blip says things like that?

A belly dancer comes out to change the focus. She’s wearing a tray of lit candles on her head and I’m not sure what to think. Everyone puts scarves with bells on them around their waists. Lila says with short arms, the moves just don’t look the same.

Jazmin is sick of Dawn’s attitude, and asks her to go to the ladies room. Jazmin tells her that she’s sick of Dawn talking down to her. She says she’s hurt that when she came to Dawn for help, she turned her back on Jazmin, but on the other hand, Dawn is all up in Jazmin’s business. She tells Dawn to stop trying to be a family member when she’s just an in-law. Lila joins them and Dawn looks like she smelled something bad, tells them they’re going around in circles, and leaves.

Dawn tells Jason good-by. Jazmin tells Lila she’s done.

Next time, the group uses a Slip’N Slide, Jazmin catches Katie smoking, and Lila and Dawn have it out.