What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Once Upon a Time
A breeze blows through the bedroom as Snow and David sleep. Suddenly, Snow finds herself in the middle of the forest. The Evil Queen asks if she remembers her 15th birthday. She got a pony that was just another loyal subject and she’d said it was her best day ever.. The Evil Queen says Snow’s father always made sure Snow got more than she wanted, and now the queen wants what she’s always wanted – Snow’s heart in her hand. She says since David has half of Snow’s heart, she wants that too.
Snow says there’s a protection spell on both of them. The Evil Queen says they’ll hand their hearts over willingly. She shows Snow something terrible in a bottle. She tells Snow that they have twelve hours to figure it out or the whole town will get a taste of it. The Evil Queen disappears, poof! in a puff of purple smoke, and Snow examines the bottle.
The Evil Queen tells Zelena she’s finally getting her revenge on Snow, and David will be thrown into the bargain too. Zelena asks if Rumpel is helping her. The Evil Queen says they’re old friends.
Back in the day, Snow sells a piece of jewelry because she needs the cash…er, coppers. David looks for his mother’s lost lamb (is his mom’s name Mary?), but can’t find it. She says the way things are going, they’re going to have to admit defeat and sell the farm. David goes off to find a buyer for the farm. He’s going to the same port town that Snow is.
In the forest, Snow tears down a wanted poster with her face on it, and the Blue Fairy warns her to get out of the way. They nearly get creamed by an ax. Snow says it’s the Woodcutter, who is als oa bounty hunter. Snow says the forst is no place for her. She’s sold everything and has just enough to get away from The Evil Queen. She’s heading to the nearest port town.
In Storybrooke, Snow explains the bottle of trouble to the others. Emma’s hand shakes. She tells them that the Oracle said things could change as they went along, but the only certainty is her death. Regina tests what’s in the bottle on a tree. It goes all weird, loses it’s leaves and gets bigger. She says it’s water from the River of Lost Souls, and it proves that the Evil Queen is working with Gold. She says if Snow and David don’t give the queen their hearts, she’ll destroy the whole town. Snow wonders if this is the path to Emma’s death. David tells her not to give up. She says she’ll never do that, but the Evil Queen might have finally gotten them.
David’s dog, Wilby, brings him a cup. Wilby leads him to a tiny carriage. A traveling merchant comes out and says David has his cup. He says he was sleeping there so no one would find him. It turns out they’re going the same way, so the merchant offers David a ride. He’s not really a merchant though.
The Blue Fairy tells Snow that everyone loves her, and that love is the most powerful thing of all. Snow says love doesn’t hold its value and she can’t afford to invest in it. She says what can change her life is a ticket out. The Blue Fairy tells her to be careful, and that danger can seem harmless at first.
Fast forward, and Belle wishes she could help, but she’s looked through all her books at can’t find anything to counteract the water. The Blue Fairy, known as Mother Superior in Storybrooke, joins them and says she has nothing either. She thinks there might be some magic to imprison the Evil Queen in a sapling inspired by true love. She believes it’s lost somewhere in Storybrooke. She tells them that there’s a beckoning spell, but it won’t be invisible to Gold and the Evil Queen, so it will be a race. Regina says there might be more between the queen and Gold than just business. Regina says she’d always had chemistry with Rumpel and they can use it to their advantage.
Zelena gets a note from the Evil Queen to meet her at Gold’s shop. Regina peeks out from around the corner and watches Zelena enter. Zelena sees Gold in the back of the shop making out with the Evil Queen. The Evil Queen tells Gold that they should take it somewhere more comfortable, and Zelena says, yeah, like a bed of lies, and walks out.
The Evil Queen blocks Zelena’s path. She says she didn’t say anything because she knew Zelena would be jealous – the proof being in her green neck. Zelena says she’s tired of the lies. Gold sees the note, and the Evil Queen realizes that Regina wrote it. Gold says they’re being played.
Mother Superior makes a rainbow that shows them the way to the sapling.
Way back when, David and the merchant walk through the forest. David feels woozy after drinking some water, and the merchant tells him he shouldn’t take drinks from strangers. David passes out. Snow comes through the forest and hears something in the shrubs. Wilby comes running out and then she sees the Woodcutter’s ax. The Woodcutter tells her that the dog is good at finding strays, and Snow spits in his face. He says he’s not going to kill her, he’s just taking her the the queen for the reward, and the queen will kill her.
In the present, Snow tells David it’s good to be on an adventure with him again. Regina finds a trap door near a path in the forest. She opens it, asks if they’re ready, and the three of them disappear, poof! in a cloud of purple smoke.
Hook tells Emma that her parents will be fine. They’ll find that baby tree thing and fix it. He reads from Henry’s book. It says David and Snow always found each other, no matter what the Evil Queen did, and even when they couldn’t, Emma made sure they did. Hook says they were born of her love and she can overcome anything. He tells her to remember who she is – the product of true love.
Wilby licks David’s face (true love’s kiss? ha-ha!) and he wakes up. David runs to the carriage. Snow is trapped inside. She tells David that the Woodcutter will be back any second and he needs to go. David starts banging at the lock.
Back to the future, Snow, David and Regina find the sapling. Snow and David uproot it and flash back to all of their adventures. Regina hurries them along, but the Evil Queen arrives. She steals the sapling and Snow says it won’t work for her. She breaks it in half and it turns to dust. She tells them to hand their hearts over, but David says they still have time. The Evil Queen says she’ll see them at the cemetery soon enough – it’s a good place for endings.
Back home, Snow tells David that they can’t let the town die. He wishes they could have saved the sapling. They talk about a shared memory where each thinks the other wasn’t there.
In the Enchanted Forest, the Woodcutter finds David trying to break the lock. They fight. Snow grabs the Woodcutter’s arm through a hole in the door and they’re able to kill him. David wants to free Snow, but she says she’s made some enemies. If he sees her face, he’ll have a target on his back. He says he’ll leave, and she can free herself. He asks what she’s doing alone out in the woods. She tells him that she’s trying to survive and not doing a good job of it. He thinks she’s resourceful, and tells her about having to sell the farm. She says she has money and wants to give it to him. He tells her that she needs it herself, but she says maybe she is resourceful, and makes plans to rob a corrupt nobleman. She tells David that knowing he believes in her makes her not alone. She gives him the money, and a little glowing thing happens. The sapling is born.
The Evil Queen tells the townspeople she’s glad they accepted her invitation. If Snow doesn’t show up in five minutes, she’s going to give them some water from the River of Lost souls. Zelena makes a snide remark to Belle about Rumpel making a deal with the queen.
Snow and David arrive. The Evil Queen says she knew they’d show up, even without the sapling. Snow says they know their love is more powerful than anything she has. They’re willing to make the sacrifice. Snow says their paths always go back to each other, and then to Emma. David has Regina remove the protection spell.
Snow and David stand before the Evil Queen holding hands. She’s all happy. She takes their hearts out and the townspeople let out a collective gasp. The Evil Queen says she’s dreamt of this moment forever. She wants to give Snow her pain. the pain of being alone. Since she couldn’t kill her, she’s come up with something more cruel. S returns their hearts. Snow falls to the ground, and disappears, poof! in a cloud of purple smoke. The Evil Queen tells David that since he always finds Snow, start looking and see what happens when he does.
Belle visits Gold’s shop. She tells him that Zelena told her about him and the Evil Queen. She says she doesn’t care what he does and who he does it with, but she does care about the shears. She says Gold intends to use him on their son, but he doesn’t get to tamper with their son’s life just to keep him from hating his father. She says she knows he’s better than that, and he does feel love and could be a good man. If he wants his son’s love, don’t take it, be worthy of it. Gold asks what if he fails. Belle says that’s him all over – fear of failing, which is worse than being evil; he’s too weak to be good. She leaves, and Gold is mighty pissed at Zelena.
David drives to the woods to look for Snow. Emma follows in the VW. David finds Snow in a case made of branches. He removes the top. Regina has come along, and says she doesn’t think it will work this time. David kisses Snow and she wakes up. They remember the first time this happened, and David falls over.
Regina says that the queen put a sleeping curse on Snow’s heart, so they share the curse. When one is awake the other will be asleep. Snow says they’ll never be together. Yeah, but they’ll never argue either.
Next time, Snow tries to break the curse, and Regina thinks they can trap the Evil Queen behind the mirror, but she and Emma get trapped instead.
The Walking Dead
I would love watching King Ezekiel every week, but it doesn’t look like that’s the deal tonight.
Dwight is watching Who’s the Boss reruns, while he does shots with his girl, Sherry. Alrighty then. Dwight carves chess pieces. Bread is baked. Bartering is done. Negan kicks someone’s ass. Dwight writes down the number 39. He seems to have contraband pickles and condiments. Somehow, a chicken sandwich is born.
Dwight eats while watching some guys play weird games with the zombies. One zombie is stuck to a flagpole and just keeps sliding up and down. I guess the chicken has run out because Dwight makes a dog food sandwich. Oh wait. That’s for Daryl. Well, at least it’s probably loaded with nutrition. Daryl is also naked and I get a little distracted.
Alone in a small, dark cell, Daryl hears a way-too-loud song and I turn down the TV. Dwight brings another sandwich. He watches as Daryl eats. Daryl starts to sleep and the song starts up again. Dwight pops in with a sandwich. How many does he get a day? Daryl is all shaky and weird. Dwight brings in his crossbow and drags Daryl out.
Dammit! They gave Daryl clothes. They look like scrubs with an anarchy symbol on the shirt. Dwight take Daryl into a building to a Dr. Carson. Well, maybe he’s not a doctor, but he’s playing one. Sherry is there and recognizes Daryl, but Dwight says not to talk to him. Sherry tells Dwight it’s negative, and he says maybe next time. She tells Daryl to just do whatever they say.
The doctor checks Daryl out. He says Daryl will get better, and Negan will take care of him. Dwight smirks. Negan sees them in the hall. He wants to talk to Dwight. Daryl sits in the hallway until Dwight drags him out again.
Daryl watches the
reindeer zombie games. Dwight tells Daryl that’s him unless he’s smart. He can be like them, or Dwight, or the zombies. He tells Daryl to make it easy on himself, and throws him back in the dark. He tells Daryl that he was rebellious at first too. The song plays again and I start laughing this time. It’s something called Easy Street and it’s very peppy.
Negan tells Dwight that Daryl is going apesh*t and some people are harder to break than others. Negan says since Dwight is doing a great job, pick who he wants as long as she says yes. (Well that’s good of him.) Dwight says he’ll pass and Negan is shocked. Dwight says he hasn’t earned it yet. A voice comes over the radio, saying they have an orange situation. A thief named Gordon has gotten away, and Dwight responds that he’ll meet them at the gate. Negan says he doesn’t have to do grunt work, but Dwight says he likes it. Dwight is so up to something, I wonder how Negan doesn’t see it.
They need to stop the torture, because I start laughing every time I hear that song now. Dwight is off on Daryl’s bike, so some other dude brings his sandwich. Along with another play of the song. OMG – stop it – hahahahahaha! I can’t take it anymore. It reminds me of the time a friend of mine put a token into a jukebox by accident. For whatever reason, it played the opposite side of the song we wanted and it wouldn’t stop. We would be talking, and every time the song would end, we’d wait…and then it would play again and we’d laugh hysterically. Finally, someone went over to the jukebox and kicked it a good one, and it moved on.
While I’m cracking up, Daryl manages to sneak out. I guess he stuck something over the door lock. Cool! Dwight comes across zombies with limbs cracking off as they try to crawl. Dwight pushes the bike along railroad tracks and past an accident. He takes it all in, and almost gets crowned by a zombie falling from the bridge above, then ends up nearly getting bitten by another one.
Back at Neganville or whatever it’s called, Daryl is confronted by Sherry. She tells him that he won’t get away, and when you’re bad, Negan will be worse. Daryl goes to the outside door and sees a line of bikes. He makes a run for them. Uh-oh. Caught. Surrounded. And here comes the man of the hour with his baseball bat. He asks if Daryl is pissing his pants yet. No, but I’m going to from laughing if he puts that song back on again.
No surprise, Negan is all smiley. He asks each man who they are and they all say Negan. He tells Daryl that he’s everywhere, and it was his last shot at realizing that fundamental truth. It sucks, because his life was about to get easier. He doesn’t think that Daryl gets it. Daryl has three choices: you work for Negan as a dead man; work for him and wish you were dead;or work for him, get a brand new pair of shoes, and live like a king. There’s no door number four; it’s the only way.
Negan almost hits Daryl with the bat, but Daryl puts his hand up to block it. Negan says he loves how Daryl doesn’t scare easy, but it pisses Lucille off; she finds it disrespectful. Lucky for him, she isn’t feeling thirsty today, but Negan is definitely getting a drink. He walks off whistling as the guys beat the crap out of Daryl.
Dwight continues on with a flat. He sees a zombie in the distance attacking someone. It’s Gordon. Dwight drops the bike, dispatches the zombie, and whacks Gordon.
Someone says Daryl’s name, It’s Sherry. She says, in the woods after they took his stuff, she said she was sorry. He’d told her she was going to be, and now she is.
Dwight asks Gordon if it was worth it. Gordon says just let him go, and Dwight says he can’t. Gordon asks why, since they used to be friendly, and Dwight keeps telling him to shut up.It’s revealed that Sherry was Dwight’s wife, although Dwight says not anymore. He tells Gordon to keep walking, that there’s nowhere to go anymore – everything is Negan’s or will be. Gordon says it’s okay if Dwight shoots him; he wants him to. Gordon says he can’t go back. Dwight says it’s the only way. Gordon says that’s what Negan wants them to believe. There’s only one of him, so why are they giving up? Dwight says they were losing. Gordon says when they got there, they thought it would be okay and they could fight the monsters . He drops to his knees and Dwight tells him to get up, and that he’ll dig up Gordon’s dead wife and feed her to the crows if he doesn’t. Gordon says that Dwight won, but there’s nothing left. Gordon gets up and they start to walk again. Dwight shoots him in the back.
Sherry is having a smoke in the stairwell. Dwight asks her for a cigarette. Where are they getting those? Are they growing tobacco? He asks if Negan is good to her, and she says yes. She asks if Dwight is happy, and he says yes, but doesn’t sound like it. He says he did the right thing, and it’s better than being dead. Better than being a zombie maybe.
Oh no here it comes again. ♫ Easy street…da-da-da-da ♫ Daryl gets his sandwich. Dwight tells Daryl that he got his friend killed and he got Tina killed, so don’t pretend he doesn’t know the score. He should be dead, but Negan took a shine to him, and he shouldn’t forget he’s lucky. Dwight sticks a picture on the wall. and says don’t forget. Daryl swipes it down but then looks at it. It’s kind of dark and I can’t really see it, but I think it’s Glenn’s smashed in head.
Thank God. They finally play something different. Roy Orbison‘s Crying. Both Daryl and Dwight lsiten on opposite sides of the door. Daryl weeps. Dwight leaves before he starts.
Dwight brings Daryl to Negan. Negan tells Daryl he looks awful and they’ll have Carson fix him up. He says Dwight hustles and he likes hustle, but things weren’t always cool between them. He says Dwight’s sis fell behind on points because she needed lots of medication. Negan had wanted to marry her and take care of her because he’s a stand-up guy, but while he was thinking about it, Dwight stole the meds and took off with the girls. He couldn’t let something like that stand; there are rules. It cost him a lot going after Dwight, and he still got away, but he saw the light and came back to ask forgiveness. Negan was okay with it, but Lucille is a stickler for the rules. Dwight begged him not to kill Sherry, so he was just going to kill Dwight, but Sherry said she’d marry him instead. It was a start, but not enough, so Dwight got the iron, and then Negan married Sherry. After all that, Dwight still got on board. Negan says he’s a top guy, and they’re totally cool. He tells Daryl that he’s ready to be that guy.
All Daryl has to do is answer a simple question. Who are you? Daryl is quiet, and Negan asks if he’s overwhelmed by the awesomeness? Negan asks him again, while brandishing Lucille, who are you? Daryl answers, “Daryl.”
Negan smiles and tells Dwight that it’s cool. Daryl made his choice; it’s not his problem if it’s a dumbass choice. Daryl is thrown back into his cell, and Dwight says he’s going to wind up in that room or hanging on the fence. Daryl says he gets it. He understands why Dwight took it; he was thinking about someone else, which is why Daryl can’t.
Dwight ponders things outside, while watching the zombie Olympics or whatever that is going on. I almost feel sorry for him. He sees Gordon as a zombie, and it looks like Gordon recognizes him.
Next time, Rick sees Negan again, Michonne is ready to fight, and Rick tells the group that he’s not in charge anymore.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey – Reunion Part One
Beautiful dresses and Teresa looks stunning in a black strapless number. Andy asks about Joe #1, and Teresa says he’s working on his GED and wants to go to college when he gets back. Andy talks about the last reunion she attended, and he wondered at the time if she would be back. She says she’s surprised Jacqueline is there, and Jacqueline says she loves confrontation. As evidenced by her running away from every single one
Jacqueline talks about getting along with Dolores and Siggy. Siggy says she loves everyone. They talk about Dolores’s growth and how she became an independent woman this year. We flash back on how heavily she was counting on Frank, the best ex-husband in the universe. A viewer asks if Frank wasn’t in a relationship, if they’d get back together, but it’s a no. They talk about her son Frankie being hot, and her new management of the gym. They discuss Dina, and who she’s friends with now. Dolores talks about being friends with Caroline, and how it might have contributed to her and Dina no longer being close.
We flash back to the ups and downs with Jacqueline and Teresa this season. How do I detest Jacqueline? Let me count the ways. Andy asks if Jacqueline thinks Teresa has changed, and Jacqueline gives a vague “in some ways” answer. Siggy says Jacqueline’s intentions are good, but her delivery is horrible, and that Teresa is the opposite with no filter. They talk about Jacqueline calling Joe #2 and dragging him into things between her and Teresa. Andy asks if Jacqueline thought Melissa was threatened by the friendship? It doesn’t take long before the three of them are all talking at once. We flash back to Jacqueline’s criticism of Teresa buying a car after she got out of prison. Teresa says they paid back their restitution, and leasing a Lexus isn’t that much, which I’m sure is a matter of perspective. The bottom line for me is that unless someone is paying my bills, they have no business talking about my financial decisions.
Commercial break with important information. Below Deck is on Wednesday this week.
Apparently, Teresa had tweeted that she would like Danielle Staub back on the show. She thinks Danielle would be a great enemy for Jacqueline. Danielle had asked on Facebook if Teresa understands now how it felt to be called names in front of her children. We’re treated to a flash back of Teresa calling Danielle a “prostitution whore,” and flipping the table.
They talk about Siggy and Dolores’s friendship. They’ve known each other the least amount of time, but seem closest. We flash back to a bunch of Siggy stuff. Siggy talks about her family’s move to Israel when she was in high school, and how she came back to America for her senior year.
Jacqueline’s family life is discussed – Ashlee’s engagement, Nicholas’s breakthroughs, and Jacqueline becoming a “glamma.” Jacqueline talks about her new grandson. Teresa and Melissa are whispering and Andy breaks it up. Teresa says Jacqueline talks all about family, and then allows her daughter to say nasty things on Twitter. We see a tweet from Ashlee about Teresa, calling her an ape. Huh? Teresa tells Jacqueline that her daughter needs to learn respect. Jacqueline tries to drag Gia into it, and Teresa tells her to compare what Ashlee puts online to what Gia does. Ashlee has been crazy rude over the years, and I’d hazard a guess that Gia is a nun in comparison.
Joe #2 joins the ladies. Andy talks about what great mothers all the women are, and we flash back to various scenes with the various kids. It’s amazing that most of these kids turned out halfway normal. Andy asks if Teresa gets Jacqueline’s position better after being with Nicholas, and Teresa says she realizes it’s difficult. They talk about Milania, who can be a real loudmouth, but also very sweet. Jacqueline gives her props for how wonderful she is with Nicholas.
We go back in time, watching how Melissa developed her business and the conflicts she had with Joe #2. Andy talks about Joe’s crumb comment being sexist, and Joe says he was raised a certain way. He talks about Melissa giving him sloppy Joes from the can when they were first married. Melissa says that he’s definitely evolved. A fan points out that Melissa had been arrested for shoplifting twenty years ago (when she was a teenager? really? someone’s bringing this up?), and she talks about going through a rebellious period. Derek has quit Envy, but Melissa says it had nothing to do with him selling stories. They talk about Kim D and who told who not to shop where or go to whose events.
Jacqueline acts like Kim D isn’t that bad, but we flash back to her gossiping about Teresa right to Jacqueline. A viewer asks about Teresa not liking that Jacqueline asked her about tabloid rumors, but it not bothering Teresa when Siggy did. Teresa says she didn’t know Siggy. Andy doesn’t get it, but I do. What she saying is that Jacqueline should have known better than asking if something was true, but Siggy wouldn’t have known that, so it was an innocent question when she asked.
Andy says it’s nice to see Teresa and Melissa getting along, and they agree. We flash back to Teresa coming home. It’s such a beautiful, human moment, not matter how you might feel about these two, they’re still people and they’re still a family who love each other. We flash back to Joe #1 leaving. Teresa talks about being away from her daughters. Andy asks them about visiting Joe #1 and Melissa says she most likely won’t. She talks to him on the phone and he has a huge family who all want to see him. We learn that Joe #2 lost his virginity at the age of nine and Teresa walked in on it. Thank you for that visual.
Because Teresa and Melissa are getting along so well, Jacqueline brings up the sprinkle cookies from ten Christmases ago. We flash back to the history of discord between them. Melissa asks why Jacqueline likes to examine their family problems. Jacqueline says they keep implying that she was involved in Strippergate, and Jacqueline says let’s talk about the facts. Teresa infers that it was Jacqueline who did some stripping. I’d also like to know why Jacqueline feels the need to be so involved with the interpersonal relationships of people she’s not related to.
After Teresa insisting that Jacqueline is the one who was once a stripper and Jacqueline saying she wasn’t, we flash back to when that club guy claimed Melissa worked for him (she was a bartender). Now that they’ve jogged my memory, Jacqueline stirred the pot during that whole thing. Melissa tells Jacqueline her hands aren’t clean. Teresa says Jacqueline and Kim D have been tight since day one. Jacqueline says they play dirty and does Melissa think she’d really do that to her? Melissa says she’s not in denial about Teresa, but Jacqueline didn’t show up to the reunion, running away from any responsibility. Melissa says she thinks Jacqueline felt guilty and didn’t want to face her. She says the number one person who caused it was Kim D, but Jacqueline likes situations to happen to other people, taking the attention off of herself. Andy says Joe #2 is the real stripper and Joe wants to know what’s wrong with strippers.
Jacqueline talks about who was going to be at the reunion and how it was toxic, so she avoided it. Teresa says Jacqueline has done numerous things to hurt her and her family. She says that Jacqueline is the one who gave the tabloids a story about Joe #1 cheating. It’s interesting – we flash back to see Jacqueline asking Teresa leading questions and Teresa basically saying she’d kill Joe if she caught him cheating. Jacqueline tells Teresa she’s crazy. Teresa says she’d never put up with it and Joe #2 backs her up. Teresa says Jacqueline’s first husband cheated on her, and somehow it gets to Dolores not having liked Jacqueline for a long time prior to this season, which Dolores denies.
Teresa says Jacqueline is a liar, and Jacqueline says that Teresa went to jail for lying. Teresa says she pled guilty, but Jacqueline set her up. Teresa says Jacqueline and Caroline were behind everything, even calling the government. Siggy says Jacqueline truly loved Teresa at one time. Jacqueline is aghast, but Teresa says she’s glad she got it off her chest and believes it in her gut. Jacqueline says no wonder Teresa is so angry at her.
Next time, extra housewife Chris wants Teresa, Joe #2, or both to take responsibility; Melissa tells Jacqueline she has crazy eyes; Siggy tries to be peacemaker – no doubt unsuccessfully; and Dolores says to light a candle, because that thing is dead. She could be referring to quite a few things here.