What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Anna apologizes to Griff; she’d wanted to tell him about Claudette’s death herself. She brings him flowers, saying she’s sorry for his loss. He says Claudette made mistakes, but she didn’t deserve to die like that. Anna says she’s been there, and can relate to why he attacked Valentin.
Nina brings Valentin to The Floating Rib. She says he probably hates it since he’s used to five-star restaurants, but he tells her he used to frequent some pretty seedy places. They discuss the merits of dives, and Nina says the mac and cheese at the Rib is better than at the MetroCourt.
At the station, Kiki tells Dante and Nathan what happened with Sam. She says it’s been a lot longer than the fifteen minutes she said she’d wait. Nathan tells Dante he’ll deal with it while Dante makes out the search warrant for Alexis’s place.
Seth tells Elizabeth that Franco ran away to save himself. She says he wouldn’t go without telling her, and the only way he’d disappear is if something bad happened or he’s dead. We see the shelf of trophies again.
Franco tells Sam that he doesn’t know what happened. He doesn’t think she’s worried about Julian though; he thinks she’s worried that Alexis is involved with Tom’s murder.
Alexis goes to the station. She tells Dante that she’s fully prepared to cooperate with the investigation into Tom’s murder.
Nina tells Valentin that she’s been doing research on how to explain surrogacy to a child. She gives him a story she made up about an egg, but Valentin prefers a more clinical approach. Nina says Charlotte will be hopelessly confused. She says she has a problem with Lulu spilling the embryo beans, but Valentin says what’s done is done, and that’s why they have to talk to Charlotte now.
Griff tells Anna that he preaches about the power of forgiveness, yet he’s constantly challenged by it in his own life. Yep, that’s usually how it works. He can’t forgive Valentin, and doesn’t know what to do. He needs to find some answers. Anna says Valentin did give up some of his secrets, and it’s given her a place to start. She says he claims that he’s grateful for her rejection, but she’s not buying it. Griff calls Valentin a murderer, but Anna says there’s no proof, and it’s only his opinion. If he continues to attack Valentin, he could end up arrested.
Elizabeth tells Seth that Tom turned the tables on Franco and escaped. Seth says, then he was murdered, and wonders how she can trust Franco. She says Franco has changed, but Seth says it’s a lie. She asks where that leaves his own brother, inferring that Tom didn’t change either.
Kiki begs Nathan to save Franco. Nathan wonders why Sam went by herself, and Kiki says she wanted to talk to Franco before the police did.
Sam wants to know why Franco suspects Alexis. He says that Alexis was there. He tells Sam about running into Alexis at Gene’s, and then finding the picture of her and Tom in a booth there on the night in question.
Dante interviews Alexis. Why isn’t Diane with her? He says there’s increasing suspicion that she was involved with Tom’s murder. She says she is; she killed him.
Nina asks when Valentin was going to tell Charlotte, and he says someday. He tells her that his father Mikkos died when he was young. He spent a lot of time in England because Mikkos was hiding him from Helena. Stavros was obsessed with Lulu, and harvested her eggs against her will. It was found out that Stavros couldn’t father a child, so Helena set up Valentin and Daphne, and Daphne drugged him. He says rather than having his child raised under Helena’s thumb, he stole the embryo.
Anna talks to Griff about Valentin’s past. She says his talent for linguistics at Oxford led him to training at the WSB. She tells Griff about Valentin’s boarding school burning down.
Nathan tells Kiki to stay there, and asks if there’s anything else. Kiki says Franco knew who killed Tom, and explains how he didn’t want to hurt the family. She says that the way Sam was acting, she thinks it has something to do with her. She tells Nathan that she doesn’t care if he arrests Franco on the spot, as long as he’s safe.
Sam tells Franco that just because Alexis was having a drink with Tom doesn’t mean she killed him. Franco says, well, he didn’t. She asks what he was going to do with the picture, and he says he wasn’t going to the police with it. She wonders if he’s still going to protect Alexis after the police get there.
Diane bursts into the interrogation room. She says Alexis was acting so weird, she followed her. She tells her to wrap it up and let’s get going. Dante says that Alexis just confessed to Tom’s murder. Alexis says she can’t live like this anymore. Diane tries to get Dante to leave, but Alexis says she needs her friend to listen to her.
Seth says Tom tried to become the man he should have been, and Franco did none of that. He tells Elizabeth that his mother is sick. She was happy Tom was home, but her health is going to plummet now. Elizabeth says sorry about his mom, but she’s not trying to bring more pain to the family; she just wants to find Franco. Seth says, face it, he’s not coming back. He tells her to see herself out. When he leaves the room, she she’s a scrapbook peeking out from under a chair. It’s opened to a page with Kiki’s picture on it.
Valentin tells Nina that when he stole the embryo, he was prepared to kill Helena, but she wasn’t there. He approached Claudette, who seemed like the perfect candidate for a surrogate. She double-crossed him, but took good care of Charlotte. He was going to wait until Charlotte was old enough to understand, and if she wanted to reach out to Lulu, they would do that. Now Charlotte is asking questions she can’t understand the answers to. He says he’ll always do whatever he can for his daughter. Nina says she’s lucky to have him as a father. He says he’s the lucky one. She brought him love he thought he didn’t deserve.
Anna tells Griff that Valentin resurfaced as Theo Hart, specializing in smash and grab jewelry heists. She thinks he used his profit share for his surgeries, explaining that he was disfigured and had scoliosis. She says that’s why she didn’t recognize him until he stammered. She tells Griff that he wasn’t a monster back then; he was a brilliant trainee, but something must have happened that he’s not telling her about and she can’t remember.
Dante questions Alexis about how she knew Tom. She says she got drunk with him the day of Morgan’s funeral, but she didn’t know who he was. She woke up in a motel room, worried that she’d slept with him, because she’d been having blackouts. She had a blackout the night he was killed.
Sam says Franco isn’t going to sacrifice himself for her mother. He tells her that if Alexis killed Tom, she had a good reason. She has a great life, but has been through a lot. He says he’d like to make up for the sleepless nights he’s caused Sam, so if the police hear about it, it won’t be from him. Franco coughs up some blood. Nathan busts in with some cops. Sam tells him that Franco needs to go to the hospital.
The scrapbook contains pictures of various women in it, including Elizabeth. She wastes time looking through it until Seth comes back out and sees her. What an idiot she is. I would have grabbed that thing and run.
Nina tells Valentin that they’re kindred spirits. She says she hasn’t led a blameless life either, but there’s a little girl whose life is at stake. Valentin says he won’t risk custody of Charlotte by doing anything stupid. He tells Nina that she’s unpredictable, wild, and lovely.
Griff has to run tests on Franco, since he was beaten pretty severely. Kiki comes into his room, and says she was worried, but she’s glad he’s alive. She and Elizabeth were losing their minds. He asks where Elizabeth is, and Kiki says she texted her.
Seth asks Elizabeth what the book is and where she found it. She tells him it was under the sofa. He says he’s never seen it before. He thought Tom got better, and he’d sworn that he didn’t have impulses anymore. Elizabeth says Franco was right, and it’s proof that Tom was still a predator.
Alexis tells Dante that she was drunk the next time she saw Tom, and told him she wasn’t interested. She left the bar, and he followed her outside. He grabbed her, and pulled out a knife when she screamed. She went into a primal rage and got the knife away. She says she raised her hand to stab him – Diane adds, in self-defense – and she must have stabbed him, since he was found dead the next day. Diane asks if she remembers killing him, but Alexis says that she only has flashes of memory. Diane says maybe she didn’t do it, and Dante can’t arrest her on the basis of what she just said.
Nina tells Valentin he’s very special to her, and her family means everything to her. She suggests that they start protecting their family and tell Charlotte. Anna interrupts and asks to speak with Valentin. She tells him that she understands why he held on to the picture – because she inspired him to remake his life. Nina asks what she’s talking about.
Dante asks Alexis if she had blood on her clothes. She says she checked, and there was nothing, but maybe she washed. Diane suggests not making the case for them, and reiterates that it was self-defense. Dante says they’ll check out her place, but maybe some pictures will jog her memory. He shows her a picture of Tom’s body In the alleyway, and asks if she remembers anything. She flashes back to getting the knife from Tom and coming after him. He begs her not to kill him, and she drops the knife. She tells Tom, screw you, and jets. In the present, she tells Dante that she dropped the knife and ran. She didn’t do it.
Franco’s vitals are stable, but Griff says he should rest. Nathan says he’ll be outside, and Franco says good, but where is he gonna go? Nathan says they’ll send in Elizabeth as soon as she gets there. Kiki wonders what’s keeping her, and Nathan tells them about her going after Seth. Out at the reception desk, Griff tells Sam that Jason should be fine. He’s taken her by surprise, and she doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Elizabeth tells Seth that Franco is still missing, but now the police will take her seriously about him trying to protect her. She says Franco didn’t kill Tom, but there has to be something in there that’s a lead. She takes the book and says she’s going to the police with it.
Kiki leaves the hospital room. Franco remembers being in the storage unit and writing the note. He flashes back to looking at the trophies, wondering again where he’s seen them before. Seth’s house, you moron!
Anna says if there’s anything more Valentin needs to know just ask. She tells him something in (I think) Latin, and says he’ll know what it means. When she’s gone, Nina asks what’s going on between him and Anna.
Sam gets Jason’s room number and runs for the elevator.
Dante asks if Alexis saw anyone else. She says she was afraid, and just wanted to get home before anyone knew. Diane asks if Dante thinks she’s innocent, and he says he does. Diane says it doesn’t look like self-defense, but a brutal vengeful murder. Dante says his sights are still set on Franco.
Nathan calls the station and lets them know what’s happening. Kiki wants to check on Elizabeth, and tells Nathan that if she shows up to have her call.
Franco ponders where he’s seen the trophies. He remembers. He sits up and says Elizabeth is in trouble.
Seth tells Elizabeth that he should be the one to bring the evidence to the station. She suggests they both go, but he’s hesitant. She says she’ll meet him there, and moves to the door. Seth stops her from leaving.
Tomorrow, Ava and Sonny argue, Franco wants to talk to the cops, and Valentin comes clean with Nina… maybe.
Wesley, a Villa Blanca bartender, is getting a drink-making lesson from Tom and Ariana on what they do at SUR and PUMP. Lisa asks if Wesley knows any of the staff, and he mentions that James has been there. Lisa tells him to never serve James. Tom says he’s taking James to hypnotherapy to get a handle on his emotions, but Lisa thinks he just needs to drink less. Wesley says they haven’t had any issues with him, but he’s only been there once.
James’s mom, Jacqueline, meets him for lunch. The divorce has been hard on James. He hasn’t seen her in a while, and wants to catch up. He tries to explain the mess he’s made of his life, comparing it to having given Lisa too many slices of pie. Jacqueline says at the end of the day, people are jealous, and James agrees that he’s been a threat to some people. I realize your mother is your mother, but this guy seriously doesn’t have a clue. He invites his mom to his new gig. They talk about Raquel, and James tells Jacqueline that Kristen has been lying about him sleeping with women other than Raquel. Jacqueline says she’s probably barren and that’s going to be her karma. I fail to see how this would even things out, but I see where James gets his charm. Really. That was just weird. I wonder what James’s karma would be, since he’s lying about Kristen lying.
It’s time for Brittany’s mom, Sherri, to go back to Kentucky. She thanks her mom for being a good sport, especially about the roast. Sherri asks Brittany if she’s sure that Jax hasn’t cheated on her, and has some things she wants to talk to Jax about. I’m sure Jax will be thrilled and so forthcoming.
Jax comes in with healthy food. He tells Sherri that he’s glad she could share his birthday with him. He apologizes for not being able to take her to the airport because he has to work. In his interview, Jax says he loves Sherri, but the second she’s gone, he’s eating hot wings while watching Sports Center in his underwear.
Sherri quizzes Jax on being gay, but he tells her he’s never gone down that road. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Brittany thinks he’s being defensive, and he says he’s gotten that question before. She tells him that no one is attacking him, but he can’t get out the door fast enough. On his way out, he suggests Brittany tell her mom how she’s been sitting on the couch for a year while he takes care of her. Well, he might pay most of the bills, but she’s hardly sitting around eating bonbons all day.
After Jax leaves, Brittany apologizes to her mother, and says it’s not okay. In her interview, she says Jax tends to turn things around and make her the bad guy. Jax comes back in, and apologizes that Sherri had to see them argue. Sherri says she just wants them to be happy. Jax says that he gives Brittany everything, and asks for nothing in return except to do what he wants. Whatever that means. And what about the constant demand for turkey sandwiches? Brittany pops back in from the other room, saying she’s never stopped him from doing anything. She tells him not to act like she’s ungrateful, because that’s not in her character. Jax thinks the other girls have been influencing Brittany. Sherri stops things before it turns into a fight, and suggests again that they go to church. Jax says maybe he does need Jesus, and that he needs something.
Lisa checks out the new paint for the entryway at SUR. It’s a yes. Katie tells Lisa that Scheana was complaining to her about the cost of the shower. Lisa says that isn’t something that Katie should even be involved with. That should be a given, and I’m starting to think maybe Scheana was raised by wolves. In her interview, Katie wonders if she should have relinquished control of anything, but I don’t know of any bride who planned their own shower.
Schwarz goes for a suit fitting with his groomsmen, including Ariana. He’s getting a custom-tailored suit, and the groomsmen will be in black, with their ties matching his suit. Tom asks if they can wear vests, and pouts when Schwartz says he’d prefer not. Hans and Franz would have a field day with this girly-man. Schwartz ends up agreeing, and Tom compares it to Stassi crying and getting herself invited to the engagement party.
The bridesmaids are having a lunch, and Scheana finally forks over the money for the wedding events. Brittany tells the girls about Jax being defensive with her mother. Stassi says she can relate, since he used to start fights in front of her parents all the time. They discuss the bachelorette party. Apparently, the bachelor party will be in the same locations, because Kristen has texted Tom about going to New Orleans, adding that Vegas isn’t an option. Schwartz likes the idea of the Bahamas, but not everyone has a passport. Stassi suggests if they go to NOLA, she do the heavy planning, since that’s her home turf. In her interview, Scheana says that Stassi is back to steamrolling everyone and making it about her, like that isn’t a legitimate suggestion. Not to mention that Scheana spaces out if the topic isn’t about her for more than five seconds. Brittany asks Stassi if Ariana being a groomsman is awkward, since they’ve had a falling out, but Stassi blows it off. The groom agrees to NOLA.
Lisa accompanies Katie to a flower shop so she can help with wedding flower ideas. Katie tells Lisa how Schwartz says they don’t need flowers because he’s such a cheapskate. I’m a cheapskate that way too. When we were getting married, neither one of us were members of the church we were being married in. I couldn’t see the logic in spending hundreds of dollars for something that everyone was going to see for an hour and then got left in a place we had no connection to. For the reception centerpieces, we had bud vases with a single bloom in them. Elegant and inexpensive. Lisa brings up the argument that Katie and Schwartz had the other night, telling her that the mean texts that go back and forth don’t help anything. She tells Katie that they’ll have enough battles in their life to fight – they need to unite and fight the world together.
Tom tells James that hypnotherapy is about being the best version of yourself, and that James needs to get in control of his emotions because he tends to overreact. James is skeptical, since Kristen had him do crystal therapy. We flash back to that. He wonders if he’ll wake up a changed man. The therapist comes to his apartment, and they discuss his drinking. She says only he can make changes in himself, and asks what he wants. He says he wants to make music, but doesn’t want to present himself as a jerk. He has a performance coming up, A Study in Hollywood, and he wants it to be positive. In his interview, Tom says that underneath his defense mechanisms, James is a delicate guy. He actually says “delicate guy.” Delicate isn’t a word I’d use in regard to James.
The session is over. The therapist says he’s rejuvenated and full of ideas now. Yay! All better!
Ariana is going horseback riding, and brings Scheana along. In her interview, Ariana talks about her first horse, Raven, saying it’s hard to explain the relationship between horse and rider. She got Raven when they were both eight, and Raven died when they were both thirty. She chokes up, and although I’m not too keen on Ariana lately, I feel for her. Twenty-two years is a long time to have an animal. Scheana watches as Ariana rides, and Tom joins her. After Ariana is finished, Tom tells her about the hypnotherapy session. In her interview, Scheana thinks it’s going to take more than that to cure James, and says the way he treats women is disgusting. Agreed and agreed.
Tom tells them about Schwartz and Katie doing a prenup. Scheana says she’d never do something like that, but Ariana and Tom think it’s a good idea since you never know what’s going to happen.
Katie and Schwartz go to the lawyer’s office. In her interview, Katie talks about Schwartz’s frugal ways, and gloats a little about him having just spent $2500 for the prenup. Katie has no assets, and the lawyer laughs when he sees Schwartz’s list. They talk about sharing custody of their dogs in the event of a divorce, and how they would each keep their own money made throughout the marriage. In his interview, Schwartz says doing the adult thing is not fun. I get that they’re doing this in case they do make money someday, but this is probably the easiest money that lawyer ever made. I also wonder about their lack of assets, considering they have jobs at SUR and Vanderpump Rules is in its fifth season.
Scheana tells Ellie about running into James and Raquel. They decide to attend James’s gig and make him uncomfortable. Somehow, Scheana thinks this will make him take accountability for his actions. Imagine the sound the buzzer makes when you get the answer wrong on Family Feud.
Jax and Brittany go out for dinner. He apologizes for arguing in front of Brittany’s mom, and she says Sherri was pretty uncomfortable. He asks her about the church her mother suggested, and tells her that he used to go to church camp and recites some rhyme about keeping your elbows off the table. In his interview, Jax talks about holy oil and not understanding what it’s for. Brittany tells him about the girls planning to go to James’s gig. He thinks it’s a great idea, and she reminds him that he’s still on probation.
Schwartz, Katie, Tom, Ariana, and Stassi as the fifth wheel, go to a painting class. In her interview, Katie tells us that painting isn’t her strong suit, but in the words of Bob Ross, there are no mistakes, just happy accidents. Scwartz asks if everyone is cool with everyone. Stassi thinks Ariana speaks to her in a callous and condescending way. Ariana asks why she cares, and Stassi says because they’re friends with the same people. She’s uncomfortable for them, it makes people unhappy, and it’s hurting her feelings. Tom says that thing about only you can make you feel a certain way, which is what people say who have just hurt your feelings. Katie agrees that it’s making things awkward, and wants it to stop. In her interview, Ariana thinks Stassi is acting entitled, but I think she is being callous and condescending. She definitely has a superiority complex. In his interview, Tom says Katie can’t get upset because Ariana is included in the groomsmen activities when she tried to exclude her to begin with. Yes, young and clueless Tom, this is exactly the point. Katie didn’t want her involved with the wedding in the first place, and obviously no one, including the groom, cared about her feelings.
James says that this is the night he’s been waiting for, and he’s going to kill it. Kill what? His career? Tom wonders what Jax is doing there, and Jax says he has an ulterior motive. Tom tells him, I’ll bet. James does some rapping. He seems winded. It’s maybe okay, but I don’t think Kanye West has anything to worry about. Kristen and Carter arrive, and now Tom is like, wtf? He says it reminds him of The Matrix when the black cat walked by twice – something is about to happen. Kristen explains about GG and Ellie being there to make James feel unsettled.
GG introduces herself to Raquel, and Raquel suggests that GG is obsessed with James. GG tells her that she’s delusional, and asks if there are unicorns in her world. Ha-ha! James comes over, and then Ellie steps forward, giving him the clothes she borrowed when she slept over. He says she’s disgusting, that he’d never have sex with the likes of her, and calls her a slut. She slaps him, sort of, and Kristen calls Jax over to watch. Tom gets involved. In his interview, he says they don’t care about Raquel; they’re just mad that they slept with James. Well, yeah.
Somehow it starts. James gets in Jax’s face and then darts away. Jax throws his drink toward James, and James throws a glass that shatters. There’s a bunch of confusion, and Kristen gets James kicked out. Outside, James screams at Tom that all his friends are lowlifes and losers. In his interview, James says that Jax is jealous. Because this has to be the only reason that someone wouldn’t like him. Tom asks Jax what the blip, and Jax says James tried to kick him. In his interview, Tom says it’s not enough that James got fired from PUMP; they have to follow him somewhere else. Jax insists that James was antagonizing him, and Tom says that he can’t blame James. I guess the hypnotherapy didn’t work.
Next time, the boys raid Lisa’s closet, Raquel questions James’s loyalty, and Scheana throws a hissy fit.
Postscript: I saw James rap on the subsequent Watch What Happens Live, and he was marginally better, but I don’t think anybody has anything to worry about. His performance sort of reminded me of a bad rap version of Oliver!