March 27, 2017 – Julian Won’t Go Away & a Vanderpump Wedding with a Side of Divorce


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

At the MetroCourt, Scotty tells Ava that he’s going to save her ass.

Laura interrupts Sonny and Carly’s argument at Perks, but Carly says they’re done. It doesn’t matter. Laura stopped respecting boundaries ages ago.

Elizabeth shows Jason the timeline of Jake’s life in the drawings. She tells him that she and Franco wanted to see how he perceived himself. Jason thinks it looks normal.

Sam calls Alexis about helping with Scout so she can take a nap. Alexis says she doesn’t know if she can make it today. She says she keeps playing the Julian stuff over in her head. Sam suggests coming over to talk; she doesn’t want Alexis to be alone. Alexis tells her not to worry, and hints that she’s going to a meeting, as she opens a bottle of vodka. Probably Joe’s Vodka. Sam says the other girls told her that Alexis wasn’t doing very well, but she was handling it – one day at a time. There’s a knock at Sam’s door, and Sam tells Alexis to come by after her meeting. Alexis’s meeting is with a drink and Julian’s letter.

Elizabeth shows Jason the scarecrow in the book, and asks if he doesn’t think it’s worth exploring. He says he talked to the psychologist at the school, and Jake is doing fine. Why reopen an old wound? Franco says it’s just below the surface, waiting for the right trigger.

It’s Carly at Sam’s door. She was looking for Jason, but Sam invites her in to talk. Carly thinks her marriage is over.

Laura apologizes to Sonny. She asks if he wants to talk about it, but he says no thanks. He says he spoke to Dante about what happened at the custody hearing, and Diane is usually better than that. Laura says that Valentin outmaneuvered them. Sonny says he offered Dante help, but Dante turned him down. Laura says well, he is a cop, but he’s also proud, and she jokingly wonders where he gets it. Laura says she might take Sonny up on the offer though.

Scotty tells Ava to finish her drink before Lucy shows up. She asks if Lucy agreed to give him the pill bottle, and he says that’s the plan. Ava doesn’t want Sonny to be more suspicious than he already is. Scotty tells Ava that he has a radical plan to blindside Lucy. As he hustles Ava out of the restaurant, Lucy steps out of the elevator.

Franco says that Jason might not want to talk, but they have to. Jake has something he’s hiding. Elizabeth tells Jason to look at the drawings. She explains about the blank space that the scarecrow now resides in, and says that Jake claims he didn’t draw it. Franco says he knows it’s Jake’s drawing, and Jason asks if this was Franco’s idea. Elizabeth tells him about Jake saying that Sam is cursed. Jason wonders what he knows, and Elizabeth says that’s what she’s trying to find out. She thinks what happened to Sam triggered him, but Jason thinks that Franco is behind it.

Sonny tells Laura to name it. Laura tells him about the six months of limited visitation, after which Lulu can pursue custody. Sonny doesn’t think she’ll have a problem, but Laura says that Valentin is a master manipulator, and she needs to find his vulnerabilities. Sonny says he’ll get someone on it. Laura tells him about Nelle being Valentin’s new nanny.

Carly asks if Sam thinks she’s wrong to still feel betrayed. She says she can’t just forget because Sonny wants her to. Sam says no, and hers is the only opinion that counts. She asks what Carly wants. Carly says that she wants Morgan to be alive, and her life the way it used to be. She says her life was shattered, but she doesn’t think Sonny wants to put it back together.

Scotty tells Ava good-by, and she tells him to enjoy his lunch. Scotty sits down with Lucy, and tells her that she and Ava have a lot in common; they’re both protective of their children. Lucy points out that she doesn’t date her daughter’s boyfriends. She accuses Scotty of doing Ava’s dirty work.

Alexis kicks back with the letter and some booze. We hear Julian’s voice saying she’s better off without him and how much he loves her. Julian appears, and says he’d do it all over again. He’d do anything for her.

Lucy says there’s always an agenda with Scotty. He wants her to hear him out. She says Ava has him wrapped around her little finger, and Lucy knows he wants the pills. He says he’s not denying anything, and she’s shocked. He says he doesn’t like the little finger business, but she’s right on the money with everything else.

Alexis reaches for Julian. There’s’ a knock at the door, and he disappears. Alexis stupidly hides the bottle behind a throw pillow. It’s Ava. She says it’s about Julian. She asks if Alexis knows that Jordan called off the search, and Alexis says it feels like he’s still there. Ava says for her too; he comes to her in her dreams and she can’t accept he’s gone. She says they haven’t found his body because it’s not there to find. She wants to pool their resources to try and find him, and in the meantime, she finds the bottle. Worst. Hiding. Place. Ever.

Sonny is surprised that Valentin hired Nelle. He didn’t think she’d stay in Port Charles. Laura says they don’t know Nelle like he and Carly do. He says Nelle is bad news, and Laura shouldn’t have anything to do with her.

Carly tells Sam that it takes a lot for Sonny to apologize, and he expects it to be accepted because he’s arrogant as hell. Sam says none of the other women Sonny has ever been with are the answer. She’s right; he’s arrogant and Sam doesn’t get it. She says women see the dimples, but underneath, he’s complicated, even scary. She doesn’t think there’s another woman strong enough for him. Carly asks what if she’s not strong enough anymore?

Jason says Franco is using their son to play Elizabeth. Elizabeth is like, thanks a lot for thinking I’m an idiot, and tells him that her eyes are open. She realizes that he has reasons to mistrust Franco. Jason says he despises Franco. He tortured Sam, and Jason doesn’t care about the tumor that was removed; he is who he is. Elizabeth tells him that he’s ignoring medical fact, and Franco is there because she trusts him. Jason says the boys will pay the price, but Elizabeth says Franco has no reason to hurt them. Jason says that Franco wants to play the hero. Franco says that Jake has a problem that needs to be confronted, but Jason says not by Franco. Elizabeth says Franco is a part of their lives and household, and get used to it; he’s not going anywhere. Jason says maybe Jake should then. If Franco is going to be spending so much time there, maybe Jake shouldn’t.

Elizabeth asks if Jason is going to try to take her son if she doesn’t fall in line. He says if she chooses to have a relationship with Franco, that’s her business, but Jake was doing fine until Franco came along. If he’s the cause of Jake’s problems, Jason is going to handle it.

Scotty tells Lucy that it’s time to give the pills back. Lucy asks why she should, and he tells her think of the children. Lucy says she was trying to shield Kiki, but maybe she should know the truth. She says that Kiki and Ava have a relationship based on deception. Scotty asks if Serena would see it that way. She doesn’t like drama, and that’s probably why she hasn’t visited. She asks if he’s threatening to tell on her, and he says if she doesn’t like the prospect, maybe she should reconsider.

Ava says she’ll take Alexis to a meeting, and Alexis tells her to mind her own business. Ava says that Julian tried to help her, and this is how she repays him, with a bottle of vodka. Alexis tells Ava to deal with Julian’s death in her own way and so will she.

Sonny says Nelle’s interest always come first – to hurt Carly and her family. Laura asks if that includes Michael. She saw them talking, and when she asked Michael about Nelle, he said they used to be friends. She had the feeling something was left unfinished. Sonny says Michael gives Nelle more compassion than she deserves, but his family always comes first. Nelle used Morgan’s death to get at them, and Michael will never forgive her for that.

Carly tells Sam that she and Sonny always come back to each other, but maybe they can’t find their way this time. She says that Bobbie thinks she and Sonny have reached tipping point. She likes Sonny, just not with Carly. Sam can’t blame her. Carly wishes things would go back to the way they used to be. but it feels wrong.  As many times as they say they’ll never do it again, they do. Sam says it’s the marriage they have, but it doesn’t have to be the marriage she’s stuck with. A marriage is done when you’re done growing. Carly says maybe they’ve reached that point. Sam tells her that she’s admired them for years because their love is so strong. Carly needs to ask herself if she’s sure that they don’t have it in them to grow some more.

Elizabeth wonders why Jason thinks Franco is the problem. Franco tells her to look at the bright side; they didn’t get in a fist fight, and that represents progress. Elizabeth says it was disastrous, and thinks that Jason is on the verge of threatening war. Franco says that Jason loves Jake more than he hates Franco. He knows something is wrong. He’s never going to be their cheerleader, but so what? Elizabeth says for Jake’s sake, she needs him on board.

Scotty says that Sonny and Carly should go on with their lives. Lucy doesn’t believe he’s being moved by compassion. He says he knows her, and she always does the right thing so Serena will be proud of her. Lucy thinks there’s more than meets the eye. She says she’s a stand-up friend, and one friend who’s never hurt her is Sonny. She grabs a piece of bread, says “Ta!” and leaves.

Laura appreciates Sonny being candid and will take it to heart. She’ll do whatever it takes to protect her family. Sonny suggests a backup plan, since Nelle is a disaster waiting to happen. Laura says he’s still standing. Sonny says he doesn’t know if he has it in him to try again with Carly He loves her, but it’s like what they had isn’t there anymore. Laura tells him to dig deeper to find it, and make sure there’s nothing left before walking away.

Ava says she’s not going to let Alexis use Julian to start boozing it up again. Alexis says what she does with her life is none of Ava’s business. Ava asks her what life? and Alexis tells her to get out. Ava says she’s glad Julian’s not there to see what happened with his sacrifice; she’s not longer worth saving. Alexis guzzles some vodka, and Ava walks out.

Laura makes a phone call. She says that she thinks she knows how Nelle might prove useful.

Carly walks into Sonny’s house. He says he doesn’t like the way they left things, and she says she didn’t either. Sonny’s phone rings. It’s a real landline with a curly phone cord. He says he didn’t want to be interrupted, and then says send her up. I guess it’s literally the house phone.

Jason goes back home, and Sam tells him that he just missed Carly. Sam is worried about her. Jason says he was dropping Jake’s glove off. Something is wrong with Jake, and he doesn’t know what to do.

Franco tells Elizabeth that Jason will have to deal with Jake’s problem, whether he likes it or not. She’s afraid he’ll demand a new custody arrangement. She feels like she has to play along, and Franco asks what that means. Is she breaking up with him? She says no, but maybe they should hold off on him moving in for the time being. Franco says she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do, and she says that sorting things out with Jake is important. This isn’t what she wants, and Franco says, but it’s for the best. He tells her that if they’re doing this, they’d better get started, and leaves.

Alexis is passed out. Someone jiggles the door knob. She stumbles around and opens the door, thinking it’s Julian, but there’s no one there.

Ava comes back to the MetroCourt and sees Scotty sitting by himself. He says their business concluded early, and Lucy left, probably hungry. Ava asks if he got the pills, and he tells her to save the applause. There’s a problem.

Lucy is at Sonny’s door. He says that Max told him it’s something important. Lucy says she’s waited long enough and can’t wait another minute. She has the pill bottle in her hand.

Tomorrow, Tracy asks Ava for help, Valentin says he’s ready to make good on his promise to Alexis, and  Laura tells Lulu that Nelle could be the answer.

Vanderpump Rules

It’s wedding time! Harrison! Dog whose name I don’t know! Lisa takes her place at the podium, and the attendants begin to walk down the aisle. Butter and Gordo! Where’s Giggy? Omg, I love Katie’s vintage brooch bouquet so much. I’m coming very close to buying one for myself. They’re not as expensive as you might think on Etsy. In his interview, Tom says he knew Katie would look good, but didn’t know she’d look this good.

Lisa starts by saying she’s been married over thirty years, so she has some advice – run. She gives the couple a list of do’s and don’ts, including not texting while on tequila. Schwartz says his vows, at first pretending that he forgot them. He says he was resigned to being LA’s most ineligible bachelor until Katie came along. In her interview, Kristen talks about how obsessed he was with Katie. Schwartz says he can’t imagine not waking up next to her in the morning. He talks about having to tear the relationship down to rebuild it, and says he’s never loved her more. He gets all teary, and no surprise, Tom does too, wiping his eyes on poor Butter’s head. Or maybe it’s Gordo.

Katie talks about the love, laughter, and tears, and how they persevered. She can’t wait to spend her life with Schwartz. Jax insists he’s not crying, but he is. The rings are exchanged, and we flash back to the ring on a string. In her interview, Katie says this is the real deal – her happy ending. Lisa asks if they take each other for richer or richer. (Not a typo.) They say their “I do’s,” and Lisa pronounces them husband and wife. Katie says they’re married AF.

The reception begins. In her interview, Lisa says this group has a way of working things out that makes no sense to her, but makes sense to them. The Schwartzes arrive. In her interview, Stassi says everyone thought that she and Jax were the glue that held the group together, but it’s really Katie and Schwartz; she and Jax were just the glue everybody sniffed. Ha-ha! She cracks me up. Carter tells Kristen that he likes when she’s drunk and has wedding fever. In her interview, Kristen asks who doesn’t think about getting married when they’re at someone else’s wedding. That would be me. Dinner is served, and Stassi makes Lisa a plate, since she’s used to serving her. Giggy!

Lisa asks Tom about marrying Ariana. He wants to, but says he’s never made an attempt at proposing. Lisa says she was like Ariana when she was younger, not wanting to get married or have kids, but things change, and it was the best thing that she ever did. She talks to Tom about partnering up for a new restaurant. In his interview, Tom’s head explodes over Lisa thinking of him as a potential business partner.

Schwartz’s brother Billy takes the mic. Nothing to see here. Brother Bert thanks Jax and Tom for getting them to the wedding. Billy takes the mic again. Still nothing to see here. Tom talks about Schwartz rubbing him the wrong way – said no one ever. He goes on about how wonderful Schwartz is. Stassi talks about them taking care of her a million times, and reminds me of a couple I was friends with in my single days, who talked me down many a time. In her interview, Katie says the wedding wouldn’t have felt complete without Stassi.

Time to drink and dance. Jax and Brittany step away from the crowd. Jax says he doesn’t think things are going well for them anymore. Because he’s the biggest idiot on the planet. Next to Lulu on GH. He says he loves her as a person, and then tells her that he’s kidding, . Because he’s still the biggest idiot on the planet. In her interview, Brittany says he was thisclose to having his weenie fed to the chickens. He says a wedding is going to happen; he just doesn’t know when. In his interview, he says she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and when the times comes, she’ll be the one. He wants her to know there’s light at the end of the tunnel, but IMO that’s debatable.

Lisa asks Katie when she’s having children. Good Lord, give her a minute. Scheana suggests that Ariana have a reception without actually getting married. At the bar, various guests toast to Katie and Schwartz. Tom tells Ariana about Lisa’s proposition. He says he’s been a bartender for ten years, and has always wanted to open his own place. He points out how happy and supportive Ken and Lisa are as a couple, and says he looks at Ariana the same way. In his interview, he says he’d love to be a dad someday. He tells Ariana not to worry, he’s not going to propose, but wonders if someday they’ll get married. In her interview, she says she loves him, but doesn’t know if marriage is something she wants. She’s not going to shoot him down yet though.

The cake is cut. Schwartz puts icing on Katie’s nose. Thank God they didn’t do that smushing the cake in each other’s faces thing. I hate that, and once saw a bride run to the bathroom in tears after the jackass she married did that to her. Although overall, it was the worst wedding I ever attended. Her father officiated, and forgot what state the wedding was in during his speech. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but looking back, I was sure it was a sign. The room was adjacent to a bar where there was a football game on TV, so every time the people at the bar made noise, we heard it. Because there was no music to drown it out. And it was a cash bar. Not even one “free” drink. And the wine was served in what I would call a juice glass, aka tiny. It was also the day after Christmas. I’ll stop now, since I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. Scheana has barely seen Shay since the ceremony, and wonders what’s up. Lisa talks to Tom about Schwartz being “the face” of the new bar. She says he’d do a great job as a front man, and Tom could deal with what she does. She thinks they should call it Tom Tom, but doesn’t know if that will be a good idea when she’s sober. Schwartz joins them, and Lisa tells him about the new property, and how she and Ken want Tom to be involved, as well as for him to be the face.

Commercial break with important information. Southern Charm starts again next Monday, April 3.

Schwartz asks if Lisa is serious. He’s concerned that if it fails, it will be on them. In his interview, Tom says one whiff of responsibility and Schwartz runs. Lisa says almost the same thing, that he’s allergic to commitment. Since he already made a big one today, she says she’ll talk to him on Monday. Tom asks if Schwartz is busy in three months, and if not, why not open up a new bar with Lisa Vanderpump? Schwartz says he realizes that he’s over-thinking it, and Tom agrees.

Stassi asks if Ariana still thinks she’s annoying. In her interview, Stassi says she likes Ariana (why, I’m not sure), and it hurts her feelings when Ariana is mean to her. She asks Ariana if she’s closing herself off. In her interview, Ariana says she doesn’t have to be friends with Stassi. She tells Stassi that she’s doing the best that she can. She suddenly starts crying, saying she’s trying not to be a 30 year old bartender who’s doing nothing. Stassi says that’s not who she is, and that she shouldn’t feel sad about feeling sad. It’s okay to have emotions. Stassi tells her that nobody is great all the time, and you’re not a human being if you’re not sad sometimes. They manage to connect somewhat, and in her interview, Ariana has to admit that Stassi isn’t a monster.

More dancing! And Tom has another surprise. He’s brought his trumpet. Oh, yay, drunk trumpet playing. The sax player asks Tom not to play in his ear. Everyone is all happy and buzzed, and Shay finally shows up. Schwartz says that Jax and Tom are like family. He’d take a bullet for them. Maybe in the leg. Stassi wonders what it’s like to have someone love you that much. Katie says it’s amazing, and there’s someone out there for her. The Three Stooges Jax, Tom, and Schwartz talk about what great friends they are. Geez, without Kristen putting the boxing gloves on, weddings are pretty boring in La La Land. Kristen does announce that she’s not ovulating though.

Giggy and Harrison! Lisa signs the marriage certificate. Schwartz says it’s official now, and Lisa tells them, off you go. Katie says they’re very committed, and it would be way too easy to make a joke here. Lisa says thank God it’s over, and Ken gives her props for her officiating.

Three months later. Scheana gets together with Lisa at Villa Rosa. Scheana tells her that she’s found out some things about Shay recently. He goes MIA and doesn’t answer her calls. She says he hasn’t been at the apartment once in two weeks. Everything is not rainbows and sunshine like she’s been telling people. He’s with his parents, and Lisa says it’s been bullsh*t since she found out about Shay taking pills. In her interview, Lisa says she thinks Scheana knew in her gut that there was a problem, but didn’t want to admit it. Scheana tells Lisa that Shay has been taking Adderall for months. One of her friends had pulled her aside and let her know he’d been scoring pills, but saying he was just the middleman. She started checking his emails, and discovered that the bank account had been cleaned out. She says she can’t picture her life without him, but can’t picture it moving forward. Lisa asks if they connect at all, even in bed, and Scheana shakes her head. Lisa tells her that she’s young enough to start again. Scheana says they were talking about starting a family, but Lisa says you can’t start a family with someone who isn’t there. Scheana is going to meet with a lawyer because she’s done. She wants Shay to be able to look her in the eye and say he’s not doing drugs.

Scheana waits for Shay at the apartment. He asks what’s up, and she notices he’s gotten his ears pierced. She wants to know why he didn’t come home. He says that he wanted to figure some things out, not involving anyone else. He says he loves her, but she doesn’t listen, and now he got her attention. He wants to be happy, but can’t do it without her. She says the relationship isn’t good, and he says he’s been labeled a druggie, and no one treats him with respect. She asks if he’s on drugs, and he tells her no. He complains that she doesn’t treat him with respect either. She tells him that she talked to Lisa, and he says he has his own mother, and that Lisa should talk to her own kids. He says Scheana isn’t taking care of him the way she should, but she says he’s never home. He talks about the studio, and how productive things are there, and she wonders how they’re up all night without drugs. She asks about the bank account, and he insists he’s just buying music stuff. In her interview, she says she may never know the truth, but this isn’t the man she married. She tells him this really needs to be done, and she’s meeting with a lawyer. She says divorce isn’t easy, and wasn’t what she wanted. They both start crying, and she says he knows she’s right. He nods, and she tells him to get his stuff. In her interview, she says she’d planned on spending the rest of her life with him, growing old and having kids with him, and all she knows is that they’re done. Shay packs. The door closes behind him. This is really kind of sad.

Next time, the reunion, and the return of Lala. Godzilla with a cat eye.

🎉 And at another wedding on New Year’s Eve, 2010…


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