April 30, 2017 – Rumpelstiltskin’s Beginnings & the Amish Return


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


Once Upon a Time

What I missed last week: Zelena tried to fight the Black Fairy, but she didn’t do very well, and Regina suggested that she go back to Oz. In the past, Zelena turned a dude into the Tin Man when he suggested she needed to make friends more than she needed to time travel. In Storybrooke, Emma and Hook’s wedding was in the planning stages, but Emma thought they should postpone it until the Black Fairy was out of the picture. Zelena made up with Regina, who ended up being proud of her when she stopped one of the Black Fairy’s spells, but she still ended up having dinner alone. The gang got the Blue Fairy’s heart started again, but she’s still not awake. She knows the Black Fairy’s darkest secret, so the Black Fairy isn’t very happy. Damn. I guess I am a little wordy as a general rule.

Moving on to tonight.

The Black Fairy (Fiona) is giving birth. It’s a baby with Robert Carlyle’s head on it. Not really, but that would be funny. It’s a boy. The Blue Fairy and Fairy Tiger Lily drop in. Tiger Lily is also the baby’s godmother. They talk about a child known as the Savior.

In Storybrooke, Gold pokes at a dead baby dragon, trying to extract medicine for the Blue Fairy. She breaths it in, but nothing happens. Gold is pissed off, and goes outside, sending a newspaper vending machine flying. Belle tells him to stop it. He says the Black Fairy has Gideon’s heart, and he doesn’t want to lose another son. He feels like it’s their family’s fate to be torn apart. Emma calls them inside. The Blue Fairy is awake.

Hook starts pumping her for information. The Black Fairy appears, and David turns into Gideon. The Black and Blue (ha-ha) Fairies disappear, poof! in a puff of black smoke. Gold tells Gideon that it’s time to get his heart back.

Zelena has given up her magic, and is having trouble putting a piece of baby furniture together. And you definitely need magic for a task like that. She says she’s useless, but Regina tells her that she helped them all by sacrificing her magic. She wonders how she’ll protect her daughter, and Regina has an idea.

Belle tries to find out where Gideon’s heart is, and Emma wants to go after the Black Fairy. Gold asks if Belle trusts him, and she says she trusts he’ll do what’s right for their family. He’s going to Gideon’s dream realm with Emma. He throws some golden glitter in the air, and the three of them – Gold, Gideon, and Emma – fall asleep.

In a dream forest, Gold tells Emma the Black Fairy can’t control the dream realm. They look for Gideon. Gold says he brought Emma with him to stop her from doing anything in Storybrooke before it’s time. They approach a cottage in the woods. Inside, an empty cradle rocks. They hear a lullaby. Gold tells Emma he was born there. She says it’s his dream, not Gideon’s. He says maybe so, but his son is there somewhere.

Back in the day, the Fiona sings to her baby. Fairy Tiger Lily appears. Startled, Fiona draws a sword. She says she hasn’t been able to eat or sleep since finding out that her baby is the Savior. She’s been reading up on fairy lore, and Tiger Lily says it’s their job to protect him, and her job to raise him. Fiona says that motherhood makes you soft and sharp at the same time. Tiger Lily holds the baby. Fiona grabs Tiger Lily’s wand, says some magic words, and turns into a fairy. Tiger Lily says it’s not possible.

In the awake and now, Regina has gotten a car for Zelena. I have no clue about cars, but it’s very cute and retro-looking. Or old and in really good shape. Zelena has never driven anything except a broom. Regina tells her it’s time to drive another kind of stick, and gives Zelena a driving lesson. It doesn’t go well.

Regina tells Zelena that Henry will want to fight to the end in the final battle, but not everyone makes it out. She says he can’t be anywhere near it, and wants Zelena to take him to New York. He can be safe, and start a new life with her. Zelena asks if Regina trusts her to raise Henry, and Regina says she trusts Henry to raise Zelena.

Snow calls Regina from the clocktower. She wants to know what Blue meant about the center of town. Regina says the center of Storybrooke means the heart. Snow says it must be Granny’s. Regina tells Zelena she’ll have to sit this one out.

The Blue Fairy is imprisoned by the Black Fairy. She wants to know where the rest of the wand is. She says there are ways to get information besides Blue talking – and they’re more fun. She produces a bunch of tools that look like archaic medical instruments.

Way back when, Tiger Lily and the Black Fairy check out a baby. Tiger Lily says they’ve looked at a million of them, and none had the crescent scar she’s looking for. The Black Fairy says there’s one out there who’s destined to kill her son, but they haven’t tried everything yet. It won’t be easy, but with Tiger Lily’s help, she can create a new spell. Tiger Lily says it’s forbidden, but the Black Fairy says stop being afraid and help her. She needs to get into the secret fairy vault.

In dreamland, Emma wants to know that Gold is really on her side. He asks if she’s serious. He says his mother never did one thing a mother should. She didn’t even give him a name. He won’t shed a single tear when she’s defeated.

Gideon appears. They hug. Gideon thanks Gold for fighting for him. Gold gets weepy, and asks where the heart is, but Gideon doesn’t know. The Black Fairy has it well-hidden. Gold thinks they’re finished, but Gideon says the secret lies in the reason the Black Fairy gave Gold up. They see a baby in a basket. Gideon says all his answers are inside him, but he has to be willing to face them.

Fast forwarding, Regina and the others tear Granny’s apart, looking for rest of the wand. Hook and David move the jukebox, and find a secret compartment in the floor. Inside is a box with the piece in it. Regina takes it, but Snow asks how they know she isn’t the Black Fairy. They know, because the Black Fairy is suddenly there behind Regina. Regina says she’s not giving the wand up without a fight. The Black Fairy says she’s never killed a queen, and Regina says she’s never killed a fairy. They both disappear, poof! in a puff of purple smoke.

Out on the street, the Black Fairy tells Regina that she invented this town, but Regina says she doesn’t even have the guts to inflict her own curse. Regina tells her that Zelena got her good, and the Black Fairy zaps Regina. Zelena nearly runs her over, accidentally on purpose, and she disappears, poof! in a cloud of ebony smoke.

In the realm of dreams, Emma tells Gold that it’s all right to be scared. No curse or monster will be as terrifying as finding out why he was abandoned. If he won’t do it for himself, do it for his son; it’s his story too. Gideon says he’s come this far, and Gold says okay. He looks at the baby blanket, and goes back in time.

Fairy Fiona cuddles baby Gold in the secret vault of the fairies. She places him in a basket. She tells Tiger Lily that wolfbane is the last ingredient. Tiger Lily realizes she’s creating a curse, not a spell. Fiona says it will protect her child, but Tiger Lily won’t let her cast it. She’s trying to correct something that will never be. Fiona says she’ll banish him to a land without magic, but Tiger Lily says every other child will end up there. Fiona begs her to reconsider, saying that fairies are supposed to protect children. Tiger Lily says he’s destined to die, so others may live; it’s the fate of the Savior. Fiona steals Tiger Lily’s heart, saying that if she has to destroy his godmother to protect him, she will. At that moment, she turns into the Black Fairy. Tiger Lily says she’ll know the great evil by the crescent it bears, and we see a crescent scar on the Black Fairy’s wrist. Tiger Lily tells her that evil wasn’t born, it was made. The Black Fairy says that she’s the great evil. She and her son are destined to destroy each other.

Gold, Emma and Gideon come back from the dream realm. Regina says now that nap time is over, it’s time for battle. Emma says she doesn’t think it’s her; It’s on Gold. Regina is like whaaa…? Belle asks if it’s true, and Gold says it is. She says all these years she knew he was good, now he knows it too. Gideon asks to help, but Gold days he’s put him in enough danger. He looks at the wand, and says it’s best he faces his mother alone.

Gold wanders around with the wand. The Black Fairy appears. He says the wand was meant to destroy her; as was he. She says he found out. He says in some ways he always knew; he just needed to remember. He was meant to be the Savior, but she left him, because she was afraid he’d kill her. She says he has an answer, but not the answer. She asks to show him what happened.

In the past, Tiger Lily says they can find another way, but the Black Fairy says they tried and failed. The Blue Fairy appears, and says they won’t be crushing any hearts today. Tiger Lily brings out the shears, and tells the Black Fairy to sever her powers. The Black Fairy suggests severing the baby’s destiny instead, and she’ll still be strong enough to protect him. The Blue Fairy tells her that he’s destined to be the Savior, and immobilizes her. The Black Fairy says she’ll get them back, and gets sucked into a gold portal.

Back to the present, Gold asks why she lied. She says she was banished, and it was easier to let him hate her. He says she chose her power over his, and she says she was trying to protect him. He says he’s made the same decision, and knows a lie when he hears it. She sentenced him to a life of cowardice. She says she wanted to protect him. She tells him that the world is a dangerous place, and he says because of villains like you and me. She says if her choice was wrong, she did it out of love. She’s sorry she caused him pain. He asks about Gideon, and she says his pain made him strong. Gold says their family history is dark, and he tried to save Balefire and Gideon. She says he understands she loves him, and they can be a family. She asks if he can forgive her.

Flashing back, the Blue Fairy and Tiger Lily bring the baby to his father. They tell him there was an accident while Fiona was trying to protect their son. He asks how can he raise his son alone? Tiger Lily says by trying. His son needs his father and a name. He says his wife is dead thanks to him. He names the baby Rumpelstiltskin. I’m not sure why this is necessarily a bad thing in a world where there are dwarves named Grumpy and Sneezy.

Moving forward, Gold tells the gang that he’s banishes the Black Fairy for good, and the Blue Fairy is safe and back with her kind. Snow says good, the wedding can happen tomorrow, because being mother-of-the-bride, it’s all she can think about. Emma tells Gold that he did good as Savior. Gold gives Gideon back his heart. Gideon thanks him, and Gold tells him welcome home. Gideon tells Belle he missed her. He apologizes for letting the Black Fairy take control. Gold says he doesn’t have to worry about her ever again and that it’s over now. The Black Fairy will never be a problem for them again.

Belle is proud that he fought for the family, and saved their son. Gold says everything he does is to keep Gideon safe, even though it might not be apparent at the time.

Back home, Hook tells Henry that they’ve been through a lot, but now he’s going to give Henry the most important mission yet: Operation Best Man. For the next 24-hours, Henry has to keep the wedding rings safe. If he doesn’t, his mother will kill him. Emma joins them, and Hook tells her that a seafaring man doesn’t take superstition lightly. He’s leaving for tonight, but tomorrow, Emma will have a hard time getting rid of him.

The Black Fairy asks Gold if they trusted him and believed the heart was hers. He says no one doubts him. She says that he may have been born the Savior, but he adores being the Dark One. Gold says, call it a family trait. He says that Gideon is safe, and has no idea what’s to come. The Black Fairy says, at long last a happy ending for their family. Gold says that in the final battle he may no longer be the Savior, but one still stands, and tomorrow is a special day for Emma – the day she dies.

🎶 Next time, a very special musical episode. Snow wishes on a star, and a spell is cast, making everyone break into song. I could make an un-PC joke about the Fairy Fairy, but, well, there, I did. It’s a wedding special event!

🐎 I spent most of today watching the Return to Amish marathon, airing in preparation for their season premiere that I’m watching right now. It was a great trip down Amish Memory Lane. It’s my understanding that some of it, at least at the beginning, was somewhat contrived. For instance, Abe and Rebecca were already married when they filmed the couple’s wedding. The situations are real though, and it’s never taken away from my enjoyment of the show. Growing up in Ohio, when I was a kid, we made many day trips to “the Amish country” in Pennsylvania, so I also appreciate the scenery. Not to mention the cast going to NYC on a few occasions. What draws me to the show though, isn’t the breaking or returning to Amish. From the jump, the way these kids talked, you knew they were in contact with the outside world. There are also things like “hut parties,” where the young Amish cut loose, and Esther introduced us to an Amish chat line when she was in NYC. This is interesting for sure, but while I’d love for Lisa Vanderpump to adopt me, I’d also like Mary Schmucker to be my grandmother. Second only to LVP, she is my all-time favorite reality cast member. She’s like if you had an old school grandmother who was stellar at knitting afghans and baking pies, but was still a hundred times cooler than you. In the Best. Episode. Ever. Mary beat some college kids at beer pong her first time playing it, and outdrank them. Mary has been shunned by the church (which she explains is not as bad as banished, but not much better), but continues to stand up for herself, telling off the elder (or whatever) who kicked her out of her own father’s funeral. I even checked to see how far Punxsutawney is from me, so I could personally shake Mary’s hand, but it’s a bit of a drive. At present, she’s a genius at selling Tupperware, and I’d love to go to one of her parties. I love how she holds on to her core values, but knows bs when she sees it. Mary is definitely the breakout star of this show.

🔊 Have you ever noticed that the loudest thing in the world is somebody trying to be quiet? Just sayin’.



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