What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Carly tells Bobbie no way. She’s not hiring Scotty. She’s not that desperate. She says she’ll go from suing for divorce to death row in no time. Bobbie tells her that he does know his way around a courtroom.
Martina shows up at Sonny’s to say good-by.
Griff tells Michael it’s a good thing he was there to tell them Nelle only had one kidney.
Dante arrives home to find Charlotte playing with Rocco. Lulu says life is full of happy, unexpected surprises. I wonder when I’ll get one of those.
Valentin tells Nina that he promised when they took him away in handcuffs that he’d be back, and he was. Now he promises to put things back together. Nina says, until Anna comes back, and he says she’s not coming back.
Anna begs Sister Caroline for help. Dr. Lancaster asks what’s going on; he heard voices. He wants to know if “Alex” regained consciousness. Caroline says it was only her voice he heard; she was trying to get Alex to relax, since her heart rate was up. The doctor says if she becomes agitated or regains consciousness, call him immediately. Caroline says she always follows his instructions to the letter. As she closes the door, she says, except now. She asks Anna what’s going on.
Nina tells Valentin that Anna is a lying bitch who played on his vulnerabilities, but it doesn’t change that he lied to her. He says he hates himself, and they can’t not fix this. He’ll get her to trust him again. Nina says she can’t. He says maybe it all came too easy after a lifetime of sitting on the sidelines. He was afraid it would get taken away. She says it doesn’t matter any more. He tells her that if she’s worried he and Charlotte are going to leave her, they’re not. They both love her, and he’s going to spend his life convincing her. She tells him not to worry about her; worry about Charlotte.
The kids go to brush their teeth, and Dante asks Lulu how they got a sleepover. Lulu says she’s not sure Valentin knows. Nelle went AWOL, and the school couldn’t reach him, so they contacted her. Dante says Nina was vocal about Lulu not getting extra time, but Lulu says they couldn’t get her either. She tells Dante she isn’t sure Nina is going to be in the picture much longer. She got the impression that the marriage is over.
Michael asks Griff how Nelle is doing, but he doesn’t know much yet.
Andre is on the phone at the bar. He asks when the pharmacist will return from his family emergency. His patient’s family is depending on his cooperation in this matter.
Martina going back to Atlanta. Mission not accomplished, and she sees no point staying. Sonny gives her a drink, and says happy landings. She says bumpy ride so far. She hates leaving it like this, and he asks if she’s going to miss him. She says she’ll miss finishing what she started; she had him. The initial report just scratched the surface of his colorful life. He toasts to her being off the case, and Martina adds, and Carly not being the wiser.
Carly can’t figure it out. She thinks the conflict of interest with Martina is a cover-up. Bobbie says Sonny’s holdings are complex. Carly says they were holding hands. Bobbie tells her to use her time to find a new lawyer. She knows Carly is overwhelmed, but the only way through it is to keep on moving or she’ll get stuck in bitterness and hatred. She tells Carly get off her butt, and stop raging about Sonny. She says to stop beating around bush and get a divorce.
Martina tells Sonny that he has a lovely home, and good luck holding onto it. He says he’s good at holding on to things. She supposes Ava is neutralized. She says both he and Carly seem to despise her equally, and Sonny calls Ava a vicious snake. Martina wonders why Ava wouldn’t still use the information about them against him, but Sonny says she’s found it’s better to work with him than against him. Martina says it’s too bad that he and Carly can’t come to the same understanding.
Bobbie asks Carly why she’s using the tactic of holding on to Sonny’s assets, and Carly brings up Jax getting deported. Bobbie asks if she’s the karma police, and Carly says he has to pay. Bobbie says that she deserves peace and happiness, and she’s not going to get that from hurting Sonny. In the long run, Sonny won’t be the one hurt. Bobbie talks about the kids and how it’s taking a toll on them. Carly says she doesn’t want them going through that pain, and Bobbie tells her to make a clean, quick break, and put it in the rearview mirror.
At the hospital. Michael asks if he can see Nelle. The nurse says she’s not awake. He says maybe she’ll wake up if she sees someone cares about her. The nurse tells him she has to check on lab results – wink-wink. He thanks her, and when she’s gone, goes in to see Nelle, who is all hooked up to tubes and machines.
Nina tells Valentin what happened with Charlotte. He asks why she didn’t take Charlotte back to Windemere, and she says it’s not her home anymore. He asks if she thought making her point was more important than Charlotte, and she says that she thought she shouldn’t get into a fight with Lulu. She says she loves Charlotte, and would never do anything to harm her. Valentin says no matter how long it takes, he’s going to put their lives back together. She tells him to think of his daughter.
Dante reads Ferdinand to the kids. That was one of my favorites as a child. He realizes that they fell asleep. He’s surprised Lulu still awake, and she says she wouldn’t miss it.
Sonny tells Martina that he’s not looking for a war. Martina says she hopes he doesn’t end up finding one, and that he has the most to lose. He asks if he should he give Carly everything that’s his. He says Martina doesn’t know him, but she says she knows the road he’s headed down. He could lose everything; not just money, but his family, well-being, and sense of self. She says high profile divorce cases can be devastating. He says he already has a lawyer, and she asks if he’s set on friends. He says he’s not into absent friends (a toast!), and she says she’s not gone yet. As her first act of friendship, she says she’s returning this. It’s his wedding ring.
Griff gets Nelle’s test results. Carly walks in, yapping on the phone. He asks if she’s looking for Michael, and she says no, why?
Michael is busy talking to Nelle. He tells her she’s safe and at GH, and he’s going to see that she has the best care. He tells her he’s leaving, but won’t be far.
Anna sits up. Caroline comes in. She says not to get up. Anna doesn’t know where she is. Caroline tells her that she’s at Merrick Clinic, and she’s been there for two months. Anna says she has a blood disease, and Caroline says they know; the doctor has given her phlebotomy treatments. Anna doesn’t understand why she’s being held captive, but Caroline tells her not to exert herself. Anna says that Alex is her twin; they’re not close, and lead separate lives. I guess so. And I also guess I’m wrong about who fake Anna is. Dammit! They sure pulled that rabbit out of a hat. Caroline is confused. Anna asks why she’d need to be sedated all the time, and asks if Alex had a blood disease. When Caroline says no, Anna tells her to look up Anna Devane on the internet, and come back with a phone.
Lulu tells Dante that Charlotte asked for Nina and Valentin, and she told her she’d see them tomorrow. Dante says he’s glad she’s happy, but he’s waiting for the other shoe to fall. Lulu wonders what would keep Valentin from picking up Charlotte. The doorbell rings, and Dante says maybe they’re about to find out. Come on. Everyone had to have laughed when they read that the first time. Yep. Valentin is there for his daughter.
Martina tells Sonny that she found the ring while she was packing. She asks why he didn’t toss it overboard, and suggests he was hoping someone would find it. So if he got it back, he’d have to think twice about the divorce.
Nelle wakes up. Michael says he’ll get the doctor, but Griff is there already, and asks to speak privately with Nelle. Outside the room, Michael sees Carly. She says Griff told her about Nelle. He says she’s in bad shape, but would be worse if he hadn’t found her. Although she wouldn’t even be there if he hadn’t left.
Andre makes Nina a root beer float at the bar. She talks about loving them as a child when her father made them, and how she wasn’t close to him. She says that Valentin is a devoted father, but tells Andre that she can’t talk to him about it, since Anna is at the root of their problems. She asks how Anna bamboozled a smart man like him. How does she get smart, intelligent men to fall all over themselves, when all that’s there is a self-serving bitch who breaks up families? Andre says there’s more to her. Nina says there’s less. Take away the accent and manners, and she’s a cold blooded snake. He says that’s not the Anna he knows, and Nina says maybe he doesn’t know her.
Caroline comes back, but didn’t bring a phone. She says the doctor must have mistaken Anna for her sister. Anna says she was at her sister’s flat and blacked out. She thinks Alex drugged her. She says she doesn’t need to be sedated 24/7. She has to get out, and Caroline has to help her.
Lulu tells Valentin to come in, as long as he can be civil. She explains that she was the only available parent, and Valentin asks why she didn’t take Charlotte home. Lulu says Nelle never showed up, and she wasn’t going to leave her with the servants. Valentin says he doesn’t know what happened, but he just wants his daughter. Lulu says now he knows how she feels.
Michael tells Carly what happened on the docks. She says none of this is his fault. He asks whose fault is it? Everyone was wrong, but the only one who seems to be paying for it is Nelle.
Griff asks Nelle what she remembers. She says she was on the dock waiting for the boat, some guy tried to mug her, and she fought back. It’s the last thing she recalls. He tells her about Michael finding her, and says her kidney was bruised. He asks if she wants to see Michael.
Sonny tells Martina that he didn’t want to wear his ring during a one-night stand; end of story. She says it’s not her job to help him salvage a relationship he doesn’t want to salvage. He says that Carly did the unforgivable, and he just wants it over. Martina suggests he start by getting rid of the ring. She starts to go, but he doesn’t want her to leave.
Andre tells Nina that Anna is a complicated woman with complicated past. Nina says Valentin is part of that past. Anna took advantage of it, and now Andre is defending her. Andre tells Nina that what she has with Valentin is greater than what he imagined he had with Anna. They’ve moved on to real drinks.
Lulu tells Valentin that this was traumatic for Charlotte. They calmed her down, fed her, and she forgot about it. Dante asks if he wants to wake her up after all that. Lulu says she’s informing the social worker if he does, and already told her about everyone disappearing.
Anna tries to get up, and Caroline tells her not to exert herself. Anna says she has to go, and Dr. Lancaster appears. He says, on the contrary, and insists she stay.
Sonny asks Martina to stay. She says that he called her a one-night stand. He says that they have another night, and she tells him that she’s just distraction from mess he’s in. He says they’re good to go. They enjoy each other’s company, and she hasn’t left yet. They have time for one more act of friendship. Martina says maybe more than one. I refrain from the jokes in my head.
Carly tells Michael that she wouldn’t wish this on Nelle ever. She says sometimes it’s easier to be angry than afraid. Griff comes out, and Michael asks to talk to Nelle, but Griff says she doesn’t want to see him. Good.
Nina tells Andre about the first night she met Valentin. He was charming and unexpected, and if she had to do it over again, she would. He says in shrink speak, that’s an important realization. Nina says now she’s sitting here nursing a broken heart, but she’d do it again; she was happy, and saw how full her life could be. She saw herself, and she likes herself. As badly as Valentin screwed up, he got her there, and that’s a good thing. She says she thinks he knows she’s the best thing ever happened. He’ll regret Anna, and so will she
Lulu tells Valentin that she did everything by the book. Valentin says she thought of everything. She says that’s what a responsible parent does; now it’s his turn. He says he’ll be back in the morning, and she says she hopes he likes pancakes. He leaves, and Dante tells Lulu that he’s impressed.
Andre tells Nina that going after Anna isn’t going to serve her. She says Valentin knows she’s been manipulating him, and he’s not going to let her get away with it. She has to go, and Andre leaves Anna a message to call him back; trouble is coming her way.
Dr. Lancaster says he’ll deal with Caroline later, but they need to get “Alex” back to sleep. When he bends toward the bed, Anna stabs him in the neck with a syringe. She says the Sister has to help her to get out.
Tomorrow, Brad talks to Laura, Hayden wonders if she’s ready for a baby, and Valentin asks Lulu what game she’s playing.
The Real Housewives of New York City
Luann makes wedding plans, and Dorinda makes plans for a charity event, as well as Hannah moving out. She wants to spend some time being on her own. Bethenny goes furniture shopping with her. Bethenny has found an enormous apartment in Soho (and enormous is not an exaggeration), but hasn’t decided what she’s doing with it yet. Must be nice.
Ramona is shopping with Avery, who tells her she overdoes her coolness, and it looks like she’s trying too hard. Thank you. She wonders what’s underneath the fight with Bethenny. Ramona tells Avery how she presented the subject, and Avery – who is more mature than her mother – says it sounded like an attack.
Luann has lunch with Sonja. She talks about the awkwardness between Ramona and Bethenny. Sonja says Ramona is confrontational, and two taboo subjects are Bethenny’s kids and her business.
Bethenny tells Dorinda that she’ll be cordial, but she has enough reasons and history to know it’s not working with her and Ramona.
Ramona meets Tinsley for drinks. Sonja joins them. Tinsley is on the prowl, but isn’t sure if they’ll be the best wingwomen. Ramona orders something very complicated that involves as many glasses as ingredients, and gives Tinsley tips about getting the attention of men in bars. Be a woman. There you go. Ramona bothers the workers in the kitchen, then asks for a big straw for her drink. They check out some guys who look like they’re twelve.
Tinsley calls Sonja over. In her interview, Sonja says if Tinsley wants marriage and children, she needs to stick with the plan, and she’s veered off the highway. Ramona chats up a 12-year-old, and promotes Tinsley. He says he’s twenty-something, but I don’t believe it. Tinsley says she’s never seen women move faster in her life. I have news for her. This dude is not interested in Ramona or Sonja. She decides to stay behind, and Sonja tells her that’s a big mistake. His name is Chad, and he tells her he’s twenty-three. She pretends to fall off her chair, and they kiss.
The next morning, Sonja complains that Tinsley killed off a cutting from her plant. Tinsley asks if Sonja has sweetener, and Sonja tells her to steal it from restaurants. She asks when Tinsley came home, and Tinsley says she wasn’t going home with someone she just met. Sonja explains how a girl sometimes has to blow off steam, but not to get involved if they’re not on the list.
Bethenny is doing work for Be Strong’s breakfast at the Rainbow Room. They’ve combined with Dress for Success, and help women in crisis. Dennis joins her. In her interview, she says he was a fan of hers long before there were any others. She never thought about him as a boyfriend, so it was a major surprise and very romantic. Carole arrives. I’m surprised she’s still breathing after the election. Bethenny gets up to speak, and gets choked up. In her interview, Carole talks about how suckerfish Jason Hoppy won’t let go. Bethenny tells the women about her own crisis, and how she’s been inspired by them.
Carole and Adam go inside fake rock climbing, along with their friend Nina. Carole says that she and Adam are similar in a lot of ways, but not this one. He’s very athletic, and she’s not. She says he does get her out and doing stuff she doesn’t normally do, and that’s fine – to a certain extent. She climbs two feet up and says she’s done. Just kidding, she went further than I would have. Heights aren’t exactly my thing.
Nina asks Carole about the apartment situation. She says Adam found a place, but all of a sudden, the woman isn’t moving out. It looks like she’ll be sparing space for a while. She says they love each other and are together, but she doesn’t feel like it’s that relationship, and it’s hard to have the conversation while they’re living together.
Tinsley meets Chad for a date. She says he’s a little young, but she wants to have some fun. They go bowling. I guess their idea of fun is different from mine. She says she does want to get married eventually, but right now she feels like she’s twenty. Chad gets asked for his ID when they order a drink. Ugh. And I’m surprised. The drinking age was 18 when I moved to NYC, and I was only carded once. It was at a liquor store, and even then, the clerk just asked me how old I was. The funny thing was that I’d just had a birthday and gave him the wrong age. Tinsley is an excellent bowler, and they find out they both live on the Upper East Side. In her interview, Tinsley says if she wants to bring him home, she’ll have to sneak him in. Why do they have to go to her place? Does he live with his parents? Or six roommates?
Ramona, and friends Missy and Eileen, go for drinks. Ramona isn’t sure what she wants ultimately, and says that she’s enjoying being single. A secret admirer buys Eileen a drink. Ramona complains that he didn’t buy a round for their table. That would certainly be more impressive, but it’s not a requirement. Especially since drinks are like twenty bucks in Manhattan. Ramona spills the beans on all the women’s dating habits, and talks about Luann’s pending marriage. Eileen says she’s the only one who didn’t date Tom. In her interview, Ramona says Missy knows a lot. Eileen says she admires Luann for going all in, but Ramona thinks she’s putting her head in the sand. Missy says she found out that she and Tom weren’t dating anymore when she walked in on him and Luann in a bar. She’d thought they were exclusive. Bleh. Ramona says they have to support each other as women. I do too, but I can live without Ramona’s kind of support.
Luann discusses her wedding makeup with the friend who’s doing it. The wedding planning is taking up all of her time. She says Ramona had a snarky comment about people taking bets about the wedding happening, but for the most part, everyone has been cool. Not like, uncool.
Dorinda is having a charity event for Women for Freedom, which fights human trafficking. She and Carole have come up with items for an auction, and she’s panicking that people won’t bid. She says if no one else does, she will. The other ladies begin to arrive. Tinsley thinks that Bethenny is hot and cold; sometimes she’s super chatty, but then she doesn’t even get a hello. Bethenny has never met Tom, which is a surprise to all of us.
Dorinda thanks everyone for coming. She says it’s the year of giving back and gratitude, and encourages everyone to bid. Bethenny does an imitation of Ramona for Carole that’s spot on. In her interview, Dorinda says one good thing about the event is that it’s big, so people can avoid each other.
Bethenny meets a guy named Milos who she thinks would be good for Sonja. In her interview, Tinsley wonders what’s up with Sonja. When they’re alone, she’s like a mother figure or mentor, but acts like Tinsley is an annoying little sister out in public. Can you say competition? Bethenny tells Sonja about Milos, but she thinks he’s girlfriended up. Bethenny says that he claims to be unattached. Tinsley thinks she might be interested, but it’s too late, Ramona is already there. Sonja says Ramona is flirting on her potential. Some anonymous guy stares at the camera and looks really stupid. Really stupid.
Bethenny says no matter what, homegirl is going down the aisle, but it’s awkward. Luann thanks Bethenny for sticking up for her with Ramona. She says she doesn’t need anything negative. Tom asks what Bethenny is doing for the holidays. In her interview, Luann tells us that Bethenny apologized to him for what went down in Miami, and Tom was gracious and brushed it off.
No one is bidding. Dorinda says to tell the bartender to cut off the drinks until people make the rounds of the items. Bethenny gets an idea for charity whores. They’re similar to the girls who flirt to get men to buy champagne at strip clubs, but they get them to bid on things. Luann starts with a Givenchy bag. She’s glad there’s Christmas cheer at this Christmas party. Unlike last year when Sonja went bonkers over not being invited to the Berkshires. Carole has a conversation with a woman named Barbara, and they believe that Luann would rather get married and divorced than call it off, even though Tom is still playing around. In her interview, Carole says Luann is the great pretender and doesn’t want to be seen faltering.
Next time, Frederick from Million Dollar Listing: New York looks at a property with Bethenny, Carole and Ramona discuss Tom, Dorinda’s cake falls over, and Dorinda asks Luann if she trusts Tom.
🎢 Tonight, Andy Cohen’s Then & Now covered 1985. While personally that was quite a year for me, it was also a HUGE year for pop culture. Omg. Madonna, Madonna marrying Sean Penn, Blockbuster Video (be kind and rewind!), Wrestlemania (RIP Rowdy Roddy Piper), Howard Stern, Live Aid, Tipper Gore and offensive lyrics, Bernie Goetz, MORGAN FAIRCHILD! I also enjoyed Dee Snyder doing some commentary. He’s a very smart dude. Oddly, they didn’t mention the year being reviewed next time, but it’s when George Michael came out, Married with Children was popular, and Sinead O’Connor shaved her head. This is a fun show, and the hour just flies by.
⛹ If you’re a man and thinking of wearing a RompHim, a term which Andy Cohen actually coined quite some time ago – no. Just no. I’m begging you. I’d rather see a man bun, and I don’t want to see one of those – ever. And if you’re a woman and thinking of wearing a romper, please look in the mirror before you leave the house.
⚔ Both the bad and good news is that Once Upon a Time is moving to Friday nights next season. It’s good because it competes with other shows I like on Sunday, and at 8 pm, it won’t be competing with Z Nation on Friday. At least as far as I know. The bad news is, Friday night is usually a death knell for a big three network show. A few of the cast members are also leaving. You can read about it here: