What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Bobbie calls Dante and tells him that Ava has improved. He says he’ll be by for an interview.
Ava refuses to drink her breakfast smoothie. Julian tells the nurse that she’d prefer a dry martini, but he’ll get her to drink it. He says things are looking up for the both of them.
Laura and Spencer meet with Alexis at Kelly’s. Spencer asks Alexis to be his attorney, but she doesn’t think she’s the right one. She says his father is her nephew, and whether she likes it or not, Valentin is her cousin, and it’s a conflict of interest. Spencer thinks it’s actually an advantage, and says the three of them will be unstoppable. The only thing Valentin will be left with is his name.
Lulu and Dante take Charlotte to the Quartermaine mansion. She says it reminds her of the place she lived with papa and Nina. Lulu says she knows Charlotte misses him. Charlotte says doesn’t want him just in her heart and asks when he’s coming home.
Sonny tells Carly he’s going to make it happen, and she says she almost believes it. They exchange I love yous and kiss. Zzzzz…
On the phone with Trina, Josslyn says for all she knows, her grandmother told her mom. Carly comes in, and says she has to talk to Josslyn about something. Josslyn flashes back to Bobbie breaking up the party, and says grandma must have told Carly what she did.
Lulu says they just don’t have the answers to Charlotte’s questions right now. She tells Charlotte that Olivia-F has a surprise for her. Charlotte asks if her papa is ever coming home.
Laura thought it might be better for Spencer to hear directly from a lawyer, and he wanted to see Alexis first thing in the morning, rather than going to camp. Spencer has no interest in participating in camp – it’s Daybreak with Dad today. He says it’s trite. Any activity with his father was fun, but it would only remind him of what Valentin stole. Alexis says she’s sorry, but Spencer refuses to wallow in self-pity. He’s going to take action against the man who murdered his father.
Julian makes Ava take a sip. She wonders what he meant by things looking up. Julian says Olivia let him see Leo, and he’s starting to make up for lost time. Ava says Leo probably won’t remember him not being there. He says he also saw Alexis last night. Ava thinks whatever happens with Leo and Alexis, it might not matter, and asks if he knows something she doesn’t. He says he’s going to fight, and thinks she should too.
Josslyn tells Carly that grandma is making a big deal out of nothing. Carly says she hasn’t talked to her yet, and Josslyn says never mind; she has to go. She says it was just a misunderstanding. Carly asks what kind, and Josslyn makes something up about not calling Bobbie when she was supposed to. She goes upstairs, and Carly finds a bottle under the table. Yellow Sun? What is that? I’m pretty sure it’s nothing I’d drink.
Spencer tells Alexis that they need to find a legal way to wrest Windemere from its current owner, and give it back to its rightful proprietor – him. Alexis says she thought they could, but they can’t.
Lulu asks why Charlotte would think Valentin isn’t coming back, and Charlotte says they blow her off every time she asks about her papa. Lulu says she’s smart, and they have been avoiding the subject. Her papa is going to be gone a long time, but they don’t know how long. Dante says the bride is coming in, and Olivia enters in a bridal gown and veil. I love it, but she says it’s a disaster. It’s a family heirloom, and four Falconari women wore it, but she’s refusing. Charlotte says she looks like a fairy godmother. Olivia says she’s not, but close; she’s Leo’s mother and Rocco’s grandmother. Charlotte says she’s too young to be a grandmother, which endears her to Olivia’s heart forever. Lulu says Olivia is also Charlotte’s step-grandmother, and. Olivia says to call her Nona.
Ava says if Julian thinks he can fight his way to an acquittal, great, but she has no interest in fighting against what she deserves. He says right now she’s bummed because she’s not well. She says she’s hurt so many people. Kiki is torn between loving and hating her, and can’t walk away while she’s like this. It would be easier if she was in prison and Kiki could forget. As long as she’s there, Kiki will feel obligated. Julian says she’s not an obligation to anyone, and eventually Kiki will understand and forgive her. He tells her to think about Avery.
Josslyn comes back downstairs. Carly stops her and asks what the bottle was doing under the couch, and if it’s what she thought was no big deal. Josslyn tries to pretend it was Bobbie’s, but Carly says to show her some respect, and asks what happened in the house. She says otherwise, she’ll call Bobbie, then drag Josslyn back home from camp. Josslyn says she kind of had a party, but it was tiny and hardly anyone was there. Carly asks if it included boys, and Josslyn says yes. Carly asks about alcohol, and Josslyn admits there were wine coolers.
Alexis tells Spencer that she’s gone over all the documents, but everything was left to Valentin. Spencer says it should be taken away from him. Laura says they have to abide by the court’s decision. Spencer tells her that Alexis is the best attorney in the country, and they need to buck the system. He asks if she can’t find a loophole, but she says Valentin owns it all until he dies. Spencer asks what happens when Valentin meets his mortal coil? Does Charlotte get his home? Alexis says, probably.
Olivia says she needs all the help she can get. She needs to find a new dress, and asks if Charlotte and Lulu can help. Charlotte asks if her grandparents won’t be disappointed. Olivia says they’re in heaven, but will be happy with whatever she chooses. Lulu reminds her about Charlotte’s surprise, and Olivia says don’t move. So far, Charlotte is impressed with Olivia.
Josslyn tells Carly that it wasn’t a big deal. She didn’t plan on it. Trina showed up, and brought people from school and alcohol, and before she knew it, the kids were in the hot tub. She wasn’t the one who wanted it, and almost called it off. She says that she stayed inside, and Carly asks if she was alone. Josslyn says not exactly. She stayed inside, but not by herself. Carly asks if she was with a boy.
Bobbie sees Sonny at the hospital. She asks if he and Carly got things straightened out. Sonny says there were a few surprises, but it’s been taken care of. Bobbie says so his only business with her daughter now is finalizing the divorce.
Julian tells Ava that Avery needs her mother, but Ava says she’s the last thing Avery needs. She’s going to confess. She’s going to spare Kiki the unwanted publicity and pain of testifying, and accept whatever punishment she gets.
Charlotte marvels at how many relatives she has. Olivia comes back in street clothes, and fusses over Charlotte some more. She tells Charlotte that Leo and Rocco are going to be ringbearers, and asks if she’d like to be the flower girl. Charlotte says she’d love to.
Spencer says, so when Valentin dies, Windemere becomes Charlotte’s? Alexis hasn’t seen his will, but assumes so. Spencer says there’s got to be something they can do. Alexis says if he dies, she might be able to argue that Spencer’s claim supersedes Charlotte’s, but it’s a long shot. Spencer has faith in her, but says Valentin isn’t that old… unless he meets an untimely death in prison. He asks how is it that he has to wait so long for something he shared with his father?
Josslyn tells Carly that she was with a boy, but they were only talking. He’s sensitive, sweet, and understanding – the opposite of Sonny. Carly asks if they were drinking, and Josslyn says she just had a few sips when Bobbie came in and shut things down. She repeats that it wasn’t a big deal, and Carly tells her to stop saying that. What if someone got hurt or someone called the police? Josslyn says they didn’t, and Carly says there are going to be serious consequences to her bad choices. Josslyn asks what about Carly’s?
Bobbie asks Sonny if they’re still going through with the divorce, and Sonny tells her to talk to Carly. She says that she will.
Julian tells Ava that he felt just like her, but it’s the easy way out. She asks what he thinks she should do, and he says make amends with everyone she hurt, but don’t confess. She says either way, she’s going to prison. Julian asks what they have on her, and she says Lucy’s testimony. He says she’s not reliable, and Ava says there’s Scotty too; he knows everything. Julian says he’s also her lawyer and can’t testify against her. She tells Julian that nothing he says can change her mind.
Sonny walks in, and Julian asks what he’s doing there. Sonny says he’s seeing Ava, and Julian says he thought there might be some gratitude for the warning he gave to Jason. Sonny says thanks for the heads up, and Julian tells him not to go overboard. Sonny says he’s had a change made in the custody order.
Alexis’s phone rings and she steps away to take the call. Laura tells Spencer that she’s sorry. He wants to go home – to Windemere. He misses pizza on the parapet. He says it’s not the same; he’s lost so much. Laura says it hurts, but it’s just a house. His dad doesn’t live there anymore, but lives in their hearts. Spencer is the very best of his father. If he listens closely, he’ll still be able to hear his voice. He can even ask questions and hear the answers. His father will never be gone because he lives on inside of him.
Chandler from Windemere comes in. He’s taking second job as Spencer’s driver. Laura says had to close Spencer’s Uber account, thinking it was better to have a driver who knows where he can go and where he should be. Spencer decides to go to camp. He says he’s fine now, thanks to Laura. He leaves with Chandler. Alexis comes back to the table, and asks if Spencer is all right.
Spencer asks Chandler if they can make a quick stop.
Carly tells Josslyn not to make it worse. Josslyn asks if she’s being punished for speaking the truth, and asks if Carly and Sonny were getting back together all along. Carly says she’s the one who had party and lied. Josslyn tells Carly that maybe she wanted to get her mind off of her dysfunctional family. Carly is like, come on, but Josslyn says everything is so screwed up between Carly, Sonny, and Morgan; maybe she wanted to forget about it. Carly says having a party isn’t the way to deal with it, and tells her to go upstairs until she figures out how to handle it. She makes Josslyn hand over her phone.
Bobbie comes in, and Carly yells at her for not saying anything. Bobbie says she didn’t know they were back until she saw Sonny, and then she came home immediately. Carly asks how bad it was and if Josslyn was drunk. Bobbie says no, and Oscar seemed harmless, unlike Trina’s friends, who she thinks are inappropriate. Carly says no more sleepovers. She didn’t know how upset Josslyn was, and had no idea she’d act out like that. Omg, you’d think she shot heroin.
Sonny is asking for full custody with Avery. Julian calls him a piece of work. Sonny says Ava took advantage of their agreement when he was in the wheelchair, and he’s returning the favor. He says he can’t bring Morgan back, but he can protect Avery. Julian says the silver lining is that Sonny is getting a divorce, and Carly won’t be part of her life anymore. Sonny tells him wrong again; they’re staying together, and Carly will be the only mother Avery knows. Julian tells Sonny to get out. Sonny leaves the paperwork.
Julian tells Ava that he’s sorry, and Ava says it’s not his fault. He says that doesn’t mean she should stop fighting. She asks him to leave her alone for a while, and he tells her not to give up. Whoa. Wait a second. Why is Sonny allowed to leave and unsterile folder with papers there? They also seem a little loosey-goosey about how much the visitors are covered-up.
Alexis tells Laura that she’s sorry all she could offer was a dead end. Laura says Spencer needed to hear it from her, and thanks her for meeting with them. She says she can’t shake the feeling that Spencer won’t give up, but Alexis says there’s nothing they can do. Laura says they know that, but does Spencer?
Dante comes to Ava’s room. He asks how she is, but she tells him that pleasantries aren’t necessary. He says he has questions to ask her about his brother’s death.
Spencer meets Sonny at Puzzulo’s. He has a business matter to discuss. Sonny asks what kind, and he says he wants Sonny to eliminate Valentin Cassadine.
Bobbie tells Carly that Sonny wouldn’t talk about the trip, and said to ask her, so she’s asking. Carly says it was more than business. She and Sonny have decided to get back together. Bobbie sits there, open-mouthed, and Josslyn overhears.
Tomorrow, Sonny asks Spencer if he knows what he’s asking, Scotty asks if Ava sent him down the river, and Bobbie wants justice.
The Real Housewives of New York City
Bethenny is meeting the ladies at an Italian restaurant in the Bronx. She wants to break them out of Manhattan. She says it feels like 1950, and told them to dress accordingly. Dorinda says it feels like home. She’s hungover, but thinks a big bowl of Bolognese is the answer. She orders a bloody Mary and says keep them coming, and Luann says it’s noon somewhere. Bethenny calls it a salty broad kind of area. In her interview, she says Tinsley sticks out like a sore thumb, but Carole is a close second, looking like a zookeeper. She tells us that the only one who got the memo was Dorinda, who showed up wasted. Omg, the pizza looks incredible.
Bethenny wants the group to go on a ski trip to Vermont. Sonja says she used to be a good skier, but she hasn’t gone in a long time, and wants an instructor. They talk about Ramona (who’s not there), and we flash back to her last altercation with Bethenny. Bethenny tells them that it said so much about Ramona. Dorinda thinks she was drunk, and Bethenny says it’s like truth serum. We flash back to Ramona talking smack about Sonja. Dorinda talks about Ramona’s business partner, who has apparently lied to a lot of people. Sonja pulls out her phone, and goes over some old texts that alluded to Dorinda wanting a Tipsy Girl brand. Dorinda says as usual, Sonja has to go backward. Dorinda gets loud, and Carole says this is her favorite part. Everyone is turning around and looking. Sonja insists that Dorinda wanted to do Tipsy Girl first, and Dorinda wants her to take it back. She walks around the table, imitating Sonja. After she sits back down, she does this thing with her hand, and keeps saying clip! There’s a question mark over my head, and Bethenny isn’t sure what that means either, but thinks it means STFU.
Dorinda says Sonja has no right to speak on her behalf. Bethenny says in all fairness, it was Ramona who belittled her. Dorinda starts getting teary, and Sonja brings up the Berkshires. Dorinda calls her an asswipe, and I laugh, since I don’t know if I’ve ever heard that term from an adult. Luann suggests having calamari. What no eggs a la Française? Bethenny apologizes to the other diners. One of them says Carole looks like Melania Trump. Luann tells him that’s a huge compliment because Carole loves Trump, and steers her away before she kills someone.
Tinsley sees her therapist. She says her biggest problem is that she can’t sleep, and when she does, she dreams of all the crap. She talks about her alcoholic father, who turned to drink after losing a business. She says after he died, she looked at things differently; he was a southern gentleman who didn’t deserve what he got in life. She says every guy she’s ever been close to is like her father, but they don’t understand the real world, and can sometimes end up like him. She isn’t an alcoholic, but is drinking too much to fall asleep. The therapist asks about her dreams. She talks about the fear of dying when she was arrested, and the character assassination afterward. In her interview, she says even though the charges were dropped, she still has to deal with it. She wants to feel like herself again, and the therapist suggests aiming for a better version of herself. He thinks she should set some goals, and tells her that if she can’t find innate value in herself, it’s going to be more challenging. Challenging being the new word for difficult to the point of being a real pita.
Luann meets Ramona and Sonja at a restaurant. She tells Ramona the Tipsy Girl thing came out at dinner. In her interview, Ramona says Sonja is stuck in the past. Interesting, since Ramona seems stuck in Bethenny’s past. Luann tells her about the Vermont trip, and asks if she’s in. In her interview, she says she usually only skis in Aspen. Oh, excuse me. Luann thinks Ramona is trying too hard, and should let Bethenny come to her. Which will be never. Sonja hopes she and Dorinda are okay. She talks about how Luann has known Dorinda longer, jokingly adding that they’re not so close they slept with the same guy, referring to her and Tom. No surprise, Luann doesn’t take it well, and reminds Sonja that Tom is her husband. Sonja says she thought she had “creative license,” whatever that means, and Luann says it’s been real. In her interview, she says she’s tired of apologizing for being herself. Luann tells her it’s not cool, which I guess makes it all, like, uncool.
Minions are dancing at the bottom of my TV screen. What the…? Advertising has gotten totally out of hand. And I thought the point of paying for cable was less advertising. The girls arrive at what Bethenny calls a Lincoln Log house. It’s huge, beautiful, and polished looking. She says she got a text from Ramona, who as usual is all over the place, saying blah-blah-blah about communication. Bethenny texted back that she really doesn’t want to be friends, but they can be cordial. Dorinda tells Bethenny that she thinks Ramona has regrets, and Bethenny says it’s too many things in too short of a time.
Bethenny wants to put the Mexico trip back on the schedule, and we flash back to when they almost went before she got sick. Hey, it’s Jules! Dorinda and Carole want to pick rooms before the others get there, and Dorinda realizes she forgot her luggage. Everything is still sitting in front of her house. In her interview, Carole says Dorinda is the gift that keeps on giving. Dorinda wants to call an Uber to pick up her stuff and take it from NYC to Vermont. I wonder what that costs. She spreads the everything in her purse on one of the beds to lay claim.
We hear Ramona before she even comes in, since she forgot to wear her snow boots. Oh Lord, it was a five-hour drive. I’d have walked before going with Ramona. Carole calls camel toe on Ramona, who asks what she wants after that long in the car. In her interview, Ramona says it’s awkward with Bethenny. I’ll bet.
The rest of the women pick out their bedrooms. Ramona starts complaining before she even sees anything. In her interview, Ramona says she and Sonja have a history, and they always share a room. Tinsley thinks they’re acting like it’s summer camp, and they need the best bunk. Sonja and Ramona talk about stealing Dorinda’s room, and Sonja says maybe she’ll forget which one she picked if she’s drinking.
Luann gets there last. Ramona grills Carole on why she didn’t suggest Dorinda take another room, like that was her job. She wails that Dorinda’s room has a double-sink. Ugh! I hate a double-sink. I have one in the upstairs bathroom, and it’s been nothing but a headache from day one. Luann has to take the last room downstairs, and feels like she’s being punished. Dorinda hears Ramona, and says if she’d gotten there earlier, she would have gotten the room she wanted. Sonja feels like Luann always wants her to kiss the ring.
Jan, the executive chef, arrives. Luann and Ramona play ping-pong, and Ramona bitches about Bethenny. Ramona insists that she would never be malicious, but Luann won’t go that far. We flash back to Ramona criticizing Luann to no end. Back in her room, Ramona orders Sonja to get her water. Sonja puts tap water in a bottle, and pretends it’s Evian, but Ramona says she’d rather have mountain water, since it tastes better. Sonja says she’ll get it then, waits a beat, then gives her the water she had in the first place.
Tinsley tells Bethenny she’s kind of boy crazy. Bethenny says she’s spent too much time in the Hamptons around gay men, but she’s dating again. Tinsley says she’s over WASPy guys. She also wants to figure out when she’s moving.
Dinner is served. Luann wakes Dorinda. Bethenny tells Luann about the trip to Mexico. Luann complains about her room. Her bathroom is down the hall. Oh, horrors! She thinks it should have been nicer because she just got married. Huh? She says she thinks the chef was using her bathroom, and in her interview, Carole jokes that Luann usually loves finding a random man in the bathroom.
The food looks amazing. I have to get some of this food I keep seeing on TV. Luann goes on and on about being married, and wants to get someone else in the group to get married. Tinsley volunteers. Luann says she definitely needs to find a man, but Sonja thinks she should get an apartment first. She says men want to see independent women. In her interview, Sonja claims that Tinsley’s biggest concern was her reputation, and going right to another guy looks like she’s repeating her mistakes. Dorinda tells Sonja just because someone lives with you doesn’t give you the right to run their life. Tinsley can’t believe Sonja is talking about her like she’s not there. Dorinda says that’s not a friend.
Tinsley says she thought she was sixteen, and now she’s five. She says she’s not needy, but she just came from an unhealthy relationship. She’s 41, and doesn’t have kids. Luann says she needs to love herself first. Tinsley feels pressured, and says everyone is telling her to get over it, but no one is giving her a chance. She talks about them going back to the past, but Dorinda says they don’t understand what chaos happens in the townhouse. Bethenny compares it to Tinsley’s last abusive relationship, saying that now she’s letting Sonja tell her what to do. In her interview, Bethenny says if you don’t like the rules, move out. Tinsley says it was a traumatic experience being in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Bethenny says she went through the same thing, and Tinsley says it’s not the same thing because it wasn’t so public. After everyone picks their jaws up off the ground, Bethenny tells her to google it. In her interview, Tinsley insists no one understands.
Next time, the ladies do some skiing, John’s Johnson is discussed, Luann says she just got married, and suckerfish Jason Hoppy is arrested for stalksing.
🍳 MasterChef quickie. There was a shellfish mystery box, and the dishes all looked extraordinary and delicious. The elimination challenge was scrambled eggs. Gordon’s are a little creamy for my taste, but I did learn something about making them. You can too, along with the other thirty million people, on YouTube. One contestant said they’d never scrambled an egg before, so I felt proud of myself for half a second. Being under-seasoned was the main culprit of those who didn’t make it to the balcony, but those remaining got a do-over. Oddly enough, Heather went home for being too heavy-handed with the pepper. It must have hurt to be beaten by an egg (BA-DUM-CHH!), but it’s always the simplest things that can hang you up. It’s the little foxes who spoil the vine.
🍴 On The f Word, it was The Lords of the Lake – a bunch of friends who share a lake house – vs Miracle in the Kitchen – a family whose patriarch was the last one saved from the Miracle on the Hudson. Their task was making fried chicken, yam hash, and collard greens. The winners were Miracle in the Kitchen, by a small percentage. Gordon made tacos with Jaimie Alexander, and it was the first time a guest’s dish was preferred. Matt Jones got the record for fastest watermelon slicing (18 seconds and making uniform cubes), and got a certificate from the Guinness adjudicator, who looked amusingly serious.
Gordon also broke out his alter-ego, James, and went in disguise to a focus group about The f Word. One guy nearly outed Gordon, recognizing something about him, but everyone else exhibited the appropriate surprise. Rachel Bilson and Gordon had a race to see how many ice cream scoops they could get on a cone in 45 seconds, with Joe Manganiello timing them. Joe admitted his guilty pleasure was jelly beans, and he’s a foodie who enjoys chicken and waffles. He also played a food guessing game. When Gordon unveiled a Scottish mystery dish, I already knew it had to be haggis. It’s always haggis.
A Coupla Tidbits
🏝 Lydia McLaughlin is returning to The Real Housewives of the OC. I hope she brings along her weed smoking mother again. She’s a million times more interesting than Lydia.
💃 I half-watched Little Women: LA, and it looked like Briana was finally going to ditch that skeevy husband of hers. Then she didn’t.
🗺 I was going to post a picture of haggis, and I just couldn’t do it. So here’s a pretty picture of Scotland instead.