October 10, 2017 – Patient 6 Wins at Poker, Randal is Still Annoying AF, a Boring Charter & the Maltese Falcon


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

Maxie says that Nathan is all she wants. They start to get busy, and as usual, there’s a knock at the door. Nathan says that he’s waiting for a file, but when he opens the door, it’s two screaming women who take his picture.

Molly asks if that’s what Alexis is wearing for her date. Alexis insists that it’s not a date; they’re just having a meal. She opens a letter from Kristina’s school, and says what the hell? It’s a check for the balance of Kristina’s tuition; she’s no longer enrolled. Alexis asks Molly if she got suspended. Molly says not as far as she knows, and thinks Kristina would have told her. Alexis wonders why Kristina would quit school and not tell any of them.

At Kelly’s, Kristina tells Parker that she has no regrets about dropping out. Business school wasn’t a good fit, and her grades showed it. She wants to focus on real world experiences, like the real date they’re on. Parker says that she almost canceled.

Elizabeth says that she has something to tell Jason. Jason says he has something to tell her too. He’s working on something. When he gets it all sorted out, it will affect Jake and them in some way.

Patient 6 goes back to the room where Huxley is. He lifts up a blanket in the corner, and tells Huxley it’s all clear. Huxley says that Patient 6 scared him half to death, and wonders how he knew where Huxley was hiding. Patient 6 says he saw Huxley move, but Huxley insists he was still as a statue. Patient 6 says, no, he wasn’t. Huxley drops the subject, and asks if he’s not worried about being turned away before he even sets foot on land. At least Huxley has a passport; what’s going to happen with him?

On the phone, Alexis thanks someone, and owes them lunch. She tells Molly that Kristina wasn’t suspended. Molly says thank God, but Alexis isn’t feeling thankful. She wonders why Kristina quit school and didn’t say anything. She thinks Molly knows something. Molly says she knows Kristina can be impulsive and wasn’t loving the business classes. Alexis thinks it’s Parker, and says that she’s clueless, showing up at PCU after she hurt Kristina. Molly says that Kristina is over it, but Alexis believes that she quit because she can’t deal with Parker being on campus. She wants the facts, and calls Kristina, saying that she’d better pick up.

Kristina asks if Parker changed her mind again, but Parker says no. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Kristina’s brother’s death. She didn’t realize it until after they’d made plans, and thought she might want to be with her family. Kristina says that she misses Morgan, and always will. He was the most like her, volatile and acting on impulse. They got each other in a way she’ll always cherish. When she told him about her suspension, he said he was happy he wasn’t the only screwed up one in the family, and gave her a high-five. Parker says he sounds like an amazing brother. Kristina shows her a picture of the two of them, and Parker says that they have the same smile. Kristina says she is planning a way for the kids to remember and share their memories. For all of his problems and struggles, he loved life. He would have wanted her to enjoy every second of life as much as she can. She thinks the best way to honor him is to keep him in her heart, and live best way she knows how. Like being here and now with Parker. Kristina’s phone rings. It’s Alexis, but she says she’s not answering; she’s on a date. Parker asks if that’s the only reason.

Huxley tells Patient 6 that the investors were more aggressive than he’s used to. It wasn’t the wisest move to bring in Russia. Patient 6 asks how much he lost, and Huxley says more than they were willing to forgive. However, he found a painting, and the sale price should be enough to pay them off and leave him a cushion. He asks how Patient 6 can be sure no one saw him, and he says he’s been on a lot of freighters; he was a coffee importer. Huxley can’t picture that, but asks if he got a gander at the navigation equipment. He wonders how long before they get to the New York harbor.

Franco says that Jason is being more vague than usual. Elizabeth says it sounds like he’s about to jump into something big. Jason says he’s up for a new adventure, and Sam adds whatever it is. He tells her that he’ll fill her in when the timing is right, and asks what Elizabeth was going to tell him.

Maxie tells the women that Man Landers was glad to help, now go tell their friends to buy the book. She closes the door, wailing that they have the address now. Nathan says he guesses he is a public figure. Maxie says now stalkers are invading their home, taking selfies, and feeling him up. What if they have to move? Nathan says that they’re just fans, and it’s only temporary. The book is a one-hit wonder, and it will blow over. He reminds her that it was for a good cause, and this wasn’t something that he or Amy wanted. He thanks Maxie for standing by his side, and she says always. He tells her to relax; it will all be over soon. They start to get busy again.

Parker asks if Kristina is ready for them to be seen together. Kristina says that if she isn’t, she picked the wrong place; it’s the most popular diner in town. She’s not hiding anything, and hopes Parker feels the same. Parker says she’s done hiding. Kristina says that word will spread quickly, and she has no qualms about that, but she wants to know where they’re at before telling her parents, who are overprotective on a good day. She wants to make sure it’s serious.

Alexis tells Molly that Kristina didn’t pick up or answer her text. Molly suggests she talk to Kristina tomorrow, but she wants to talk right now. She wants to know if “that woman” is involved. Molly talks about Kristina’s key ruse to see Parker, and Alexis asks what happened. Molly says she didn’t stick around to eavesdrop, and Alexis is like, why not? Dr. Bensch arrives, and asks Alexis is they didn’t decide on the MetroCourt.

Elizabeth tells Jason that Jake wants to go on a field trip, and asks him to sign the permission slip on the school’s website. Jason says he will, and he’ll be in touch. He and Sam leave, and Franco thanks her for not telling him. Elizabeth says that she didn’t do it for him.

Huxley says that Patient 6 isn’t exactly a wellspring of information, and wonders what he did when he was out on the ship. Patient 6 says he was thinking about home. Huxley says he can understand. He’s partial to his own home, trying to save it with ill-advised dealings. Otherwise, he’d be on a non-stop flight to LaGuardia, with a full bar and an actual chance at conversation. Patient 6 asks what he wants to talk about, but Huxley wonders if he’s ever used a complex sentence in his life. He asks about home, and if Patient 6 has someone waiting for him. Patient 6 says he doesn’t know.

Parker tells Kristina that if it wasn’t serious, she wouldn’t have come. She can’t help but be attracted to Kristina and her fire. She is concerned about Kristina’s parents though, especially her mom, who made it clear she wants her to stay far away. Kristina says that her mom doesn’t control her life as much as she’d like to, but when she finds out about school, she’s going to be furious. Later works better for her with the fallout. Parker, a die-hard Red Sox fan, finds out that Kristina roots for the Yankees. Kristina jokes about it being a deal breaker.

Alexis apologizes, but Dr. Bensch says she looks great. She introduces him to Molly, and after some small talk, Molly goes upstairs. Alexis says she doesn’t normally wear jeans to the MetroCourt, and she was going to change, but something came up. He asks if it’s serious, and Alexis says she has a middle child who thinks she invented helicopter parenting. Dr. Bensch says that she sounds concerned, and he’d like to hear whatever she wants to share. He confides that the MetroCourt isn’t really his scene on a first date; he was just trying to impress her, but he meant what he said that she looks fantastic. She says she has a great idea.

Franco thinks that Elizabeth must have been protecting Betsy. She says that she doesn’t want Betsy to get in trouble, but that isn’t why either. She did it for Jason.

Jason and Sam arrive back home. He says he told her that he’d get the all clear, and she thanks him for indulging her. He tells her that the kids are at the Quartermaines, and they can leave in the morning. He asks what’s wrong, and Sam asks if he bought Elizabeth wanting the permission slip signed. She gave Franco a funny look before she said it. Jason says no, he didn’t buy it.

Huxley says that clearly, conversation isn’t Patient 6’s forte. How about cards? It’s either that or he rereads the paper for the fifteenth time, and Patient 6 can stare at the wall. Patient 6 agrees, and Huxley suggests poker. He asks if Patient 6 would care to make a wager.

There’s another knock on Nathan’s door. Maxie is like, you’ve got to be kidding? He thinks it must be Lopez with the file this time, but nope. It’s more fans taking photos. They squeal about his muscles.

Elizabeth says that Andrew has been dead a long time. She doesn’t want to trouble Jason, but she has a son with him, and owes him the truth. Maybe it’s not the time, but he has a right to know that he had a twin brother who died.

Jason says that Franco had an agenda when he came to visit in the ICU. Sam says that maybe Elizabeth knows what it’s about, and is protecting him like always. Jason says he doesn’t trust Franco and never will.

Huxley says impossible; Patient 6 has won every hand. While he does have a poker face for the ages, he must be counting cards. Patient 6 tells him that the deck is marked. Huxley says that Patient 6 should have warned him, calling him unchivalrous. He says he’s not quitting; he wants to win his money back. He’s pulling out the big guns. He takes off his watch, saying it’s his lucky watch. Sadly, it’s not the first time he’s wagered it, but every time, he wins. He tells Patient 6 to prepare to lose his shirt. How Steve Burton keeps a straight face, I will never know.

Parker asks Kristina if she wants to go back to her place for coffee. Kristina says definitely.

Alexis and Dr. Bensch (who I’m going to start calling by his first name, David) show up at Kelly’s. Alexis asks if he’s been there before, and he says only for lunch. She tells him that lunch and dinner are the same thing. She wonders if he really wants to listen to her complain about her children, and he says that he realizes they’re basically strangers, but he wants to get to know her.

Kristina picks up the tab. She tells Parker that she’s happy to have another chance, and Parker says, her too. They kiss. Alexis puts her hand on the door, and is about to walk in.

Maxie thanks the fans for their support, and says that Man Landers needs his rest. One of them says that she must be the wife, and he can do better. Maxie says like she’d take anyone seriously who’s wearing those shoes. She closes the door, and says they’re definitely moving. Nathan repeats that it’s temporary, and people are always looking for the next big thing. She wonders what if he’s the LBD of self-help gurus, and has to explain that an LBD is a classic. He says hardly, but she can’t see anyone being tired of him any time soon. He tells her that a million fans could be at the door, but he’d still only have eyes for her. They kiss. The phone rings, and Maxie says this madness needs to end. She answers, and says they need Nathan to do what?

Molly texts Kristina. Alexis realizes she left her phone in the car, and leaves to get it.

Parker tells Kristina that she’s not usually into PDA. She’s a professor, and doesn’t like people knowing her private business. She suggests skipping the coffee, and they leave.

Jason says that any secret of Franco’s is bad news, but if Elizabeth didn’t immediately tell him, it can’t be that bad. Sam says that she’s lied before, but he doesn’t think she will again. He’ll find out what’s going on, but after their trip. Sam wants to know why he’s keeping it from her, and he says that he wants her to be excited and surprised. Once she knows, she’ll be happy. They kiss.

Elizabeth tells Franco that she doesn’t want to be the one to tell Jason, but she’s not lying either. It would be best if it came from him – willingly. Franco says that he’s the opposite of willing. He asks why they have to tell him; he never knew his brother, and will never know him now. What purpose will be served?

Patient 6 says, read ‘em and weep. Huxley says it’s impossible; he beat the lucky watch. He congratulates Patient 6, saying he’ll arrive in finer style than he left in. Patient 6 gives him the money and the watch back. Huxley says at the very least, Patient 6 out-cheated him, but Patient 6 says he doesn’t need it. Huxley says he must, unless he has a Swiss bank account. As a matter-of-fact, he does, as well as one in Zurich and the Grand Keys. Huxley says, and he’s a coffee importer? Patient 6 says that business is good. Huxley takes back his crack about being unchivalrous, saying that he’s a true gentleman. He should at least keep the watch. Hmm…

Maxie tells Nathan that it’s Amy on the phone. Quinn wants him to make another appearance. She says that LBD Ask Man Landers isn’t going anywhere ever.

Alexis tells David that Kristina is an all or nothing girl. He says that being passionate is a good quality. She says it can be, but she worries. David says that sometimes things aren’t as bad as we think.

Jason tells Sam that it’s all going to work out with Franco, but it’s time to pack for New York.

Elizabeth tells Franco that eventually Jason will have to know, but she sees his point that there’s no urgency. A few more days won’t make a difference.

Patient 6 tells Huxley that he can’t take the watch. Huxley says that it will be lucky for him now. Swiss bank account or not, he could use some good fortune. Patient 6 takes the watch. I have the feeling there’s something more to that watch than luck.

Tomorrow, Laura blocks Ava’s path, Alexis tells off Parker, and Griff is asked if he wants to continue being a priest.

If Loving You is Wrong

Natalie tells Randal to shut the hell up. She sees Lushion and Alex hug through the window. Randal won’t stop running his mouth, and Natalie throws a planter off the porch at him. She tells him that she wishes they had hung his ass. He tells her that she has misplaced aggression. The door opens, and Lushion asks what’s going on. Natalie asks Lushion the same question, and tells Randal to shut up again. Lushion wants to go back to the house, but Natalie insists on talking about it right there. Lushion tells Randal to go home, and Alex says that he’s just trying to upset her. Randal tells Lushion to make him, because he’s five. Lushion tells Natalie that nothing is going on, but Natalie says she just saw him hugging on Alex. Randal kibitzes from the sidelines, and Alex tells him shut up, Lushion leads Natalie toward their house, and Alex slams the door. Randal laughs, and acts like his usual creepy self.

Natalie tells Lushion to let her go. She wants to know what he was doing just now. He tells her that Alex called him to help with Randal. Natalie asks if it’s his baby. He can’t believe she’s asking that. He says that Alex had called, he was on his way home, and stopped over. Natalie asks why Alex had his number, and he says that all her friends have his number. She demands to know who gave it to them, and he says she did. She’s like, oh. She tells him to stay away from that bitch, and he says not to call Alex that. Natalie asks what if he saw her in the same position, and Lushion says he’d be upset, but wouldn’t jump to conclusions. She let that fool get under her skin. How did she even know he was there? She says Randal texted her, and Lushion asks how he has her number; is she sleeping with him? He says he loves her, and she still can’t see that Randal set her up. Alex hugged him because she was scared. Natalie says if he’s lying – he knows her. He says he does, and would never try to run a game on her because he respects her that much. He tells her to stop this; she’s upsetting him by questioning his integrity. She finally calms down, and tells him that he needs to talk to Justice. He asks if Justice is still upset about Kelly, but she says that’s not all. He said he stabbed Ramsay. He had details, and knew what he was talking about. Lushion says he’ll talk to him. Natalie suggests waiting until morning. Lushion tells her they’ll wait, but no more screaming.

At the station, Ian asks if Kelly really thinks it’s Travis, and she says she knows it is. She asks if he heard from the judge, and he says it will probably be in the morning. She’s upset about staying there overnight, but thanks him. She asks how much this is costing, and he says $300 an hour. She doesn’t have that kind of money, but he says he’s doing Lushion a favor. She asks him to call the bank where she works and say Justice isn’t feeling well, and she’ll call them later. He says he’ll do all he can to get her out. Sit tight, and he’ll be back.

Esperanza asks Steve how it’s going, and he says it’s going. Esperanza thought Eddie would talk if she brought up his daughter, but it didn’t happen. Steve brings Eddie food and coffee. Eddie wonders why he should trust Steve. He tries to bring up the FBI thing, but Steve says he’s not doing this with him right now. Changing angles, Eddie tries to get Steve to admit to robbing someone with him, but no. He says that Steve and Lushion are dirty as hell, and they have the wrong guy in here. Steve tells him to go for it. Eddie says then his ass will be in here, and he’ll be outside. Steve tells him good luck with that, and don’t choke on his food. Boy, that looks like a crappy sandwich. Like something from a really bad 7-11 off the highway.

Natalie wakes Lushion. She asks how he can sleep. He says he didn’t do anything with Alex. She says she’s not talking about that; she’s talking about Justice. Lushion thinks he’s lying. Natalie wonders how he knew so many facts, like about the bathroom. She’s still mad about Lushion not telling her that Ramsay and his mother died in the house. She insists Justice knew too many details. Lushion gets up. He calls Ian.

Ian says he was just about to leave the station, and Lushion never told him that Kelly couldn’t pay. Lushion says it will be cleared up, and he’ll return the favor. He’s calling about her son. He said he killed Ramsay. Ian says, isn’t he ten? Lushion says yes, but he has a lot of details. Ian says this could be bad. He’ll come by in the morning. Lushion sends Ian the address. He tells Natalie that Ian should be able to help them. He’s going to bed now. Natalie says no he’s not, then decides she’ll just stay up. Better safe than sorry.

Brad comes home. He asks if Alex is okay, and she says she is, but he doesn’t believe it. She says after he left, Randal started blasting music from the driveway. Everything is fine; she called Lushion. He says it’s nice to have a cop in the neighborhood, and asks if she’s sure that’s it. She says there is something else. Randal sued for custody, and the judge ordered a DNA test. The results showed that Randal wasn’t the father. Brad is like, huh? Alex knows she’s only been with the two of them, so there must be a mix-up. Brad asks if she’s saying it’s his child, and she says obviously it’s not. He asks what the hell is going on then? She says she went to see the doctor before all this started happening, and thinks she manipulated the results. She knows the guy who owns the lab, and she’s known them forever. Brad thinks it would be putting her career on the line, but Alex says it’s the only way it could have happened. She promises she’s telling him everything, and swears there’s no one else. He says she’s sworn to him before. She tells him as much as she doesn’t want it to be, it’s Randal’s child, but Randal thinks the baby is Lushion’s. Brad says it’s a lot, and Alex says she’s trying to process it too. Alex tells Brad that she’s going in the morning and getting to the bottom of it.

The next morning, Ian goes to Lushion’s house. On the way, he sees a house for sale, and calls Marcie. He tells her that he has some time this afternoon, and would like to look at houses. He’s already seen something he likes, and gives her the address. She knows it. She says she used to live across the street. She tells him it’s special, and she’ll call the listing agent.

Lushion lets Ian in, and introduces him to Natalie. He asks if Justice is around, and Lushion goes to get him. When he comes back with Justice, Justice asks if Ian is the police, but Ian tells him that he’s his mother’s lawyer. Justice asks when she’s coming home, and Ian says he’s working on it. Lushion tells him to tell Ian what he told Natalie last night. Justice says he did it. Lushion asks how. Justice says that he came through the back door, and while Ramsay was in the shower, he stabbed him through the curtain. Lushion asks if he saw Ramsay, but Justice says not until he fell on the floor. He asks how many times Justice stabbed Ramsay, and Justice says fifty-two. Lushion asks if Ramsay said anything, and Justice tells them that he only said, stop. He asks why did Justice do it? Justice says he was mad because Ramsay was keeping his mother from him. Ian asks if anyone helped him, but Justice says he did it all by himself. He asks if his mother can come home now. Lushion and Ian go outside.

The baby cries while Alex is in the shower. Brad picks him up and holds him. Alex comes out, and sees him with the baby. She says sorry, she had the water running. He says it’s fine. He asks why she didn’t wake him, but she didn’t want the kids to get their hopes up if he’s not staying. He says he wants to, and she says she wants him to. She’s going to see the doctor, and Brad asks her to call him afterward. She takes the baby, and says she’ll be back shortly. They exchange I love yous.

Randal gets his movement signal, and dashes out to greet Alex, saying hey, whore. He saw the mailman, and asks if he’s the baby daddy, adding that he’s a little old. Alex ignores him, and puts the baby in the car. She tells him to get away. He urges her to run him over. He says he’s going to make her life a living hell every day. He tells her that all the hillbillies are dead, and she says there’s still one. He says Eddie’s number is up too. She says she’s one. He says he’ll be seeing her, and she drives off.

Lushion asks Ian what he thinks. Ian says Justice didn’t do it, but knows who did. He gives Lushion the report it, and says fifty-two stab wounds. There’s no way he’d know that, and no way he took Ramsay down. Lushion notes that it says there was a stab to the kidney. Ian isn’t saying that Justice did it, but what if Kelly did, told him what to say? Lushion says that’s not possible; she hasn’t talked to him. Ian asks if Lushion is sure she’s legit. Lushion says she didn’t do it. Ian says he’s going to the bail hearing, and going to try and get her out.

Marcie calls Ian, and tells him that they can see the house at noon. He says, perfect. Marcie is waiting for the doctor, who tells her the baby is doing well. Marcie was a little worried, since she’s been stressed. The doctor says it’s healthy, and try to keep the stress down. She can tell Marcie the sex, but Marcie isn’t sure if she wants to know yet.

Ian comes in to see Kelly, who looks great for having spent the night in jail in her clothes from yesterday. He got her bail. All she has to do is put up 10% of half a million dollars. She doesn’t have it, and he suggests putting up her house as collateral. She says she has some equity and he tells her to use that. He calls his assistant and instructs her to call the bondsman with the information. He asks Kelly if Justice knew Ramsay. Kelly says they only met once or twice. Ian asks if Justice has a tendency to be violent. Kelly says no, and he reminds her of Justice stabbing a kid with a pencil at school. She says it was a bully, and asks if he’s suggesting Justice had something to do with it. Ian says no, Justice is; he said he did it. He confessed to him and Lushion. Kelly says no way he did this. Ian tells her that he knows a lot of details. She says no way. She starts to get agitated, and tells him that she needs to get out of there. She doesn’t know why Justice would say that. Ian leaves, and I think Travis has something to do with this. Like maybe he told Justice it was the only way to get his mother back.

Marcie sees Alex. She wants to see the baby, but Alex tells her to back up. She says she can make Marcie’s life difficult, and suggests she stop. Marcie says that Alex already made her life difficult when she slept with her husband. Alex says that Marcie already knows he’s an ass, but she can tell him that Marcie is carrying his child. I think that’s a fine idea; shift his focus. Marcie says that it’s Brad’s, but Alex says he’s had a vasectomy and she can count. If Marcie doesn’t stop, she’ll tell Randal that she’s pregnant. The late-night phone calls need to stop too. The next time she has a flat, fix it herself. Marcie says she’s not a big, strong hick like Alex. She’s a delicate damsel who needs help. I can’t tell if she’s kidding around or just crazy. She says if Alex tells Randal, she’ll come for Brad so hard, Alex won’t have a chance. Alex says to leave them alone, and her secret is safe. If she doesn’t, Alex will go straight to Randal. She tells Marcie to think about it. She’s only getting one warning, and Alex will tell Randal.

In perfect, Tyler Perry soap timing, the elevator doors have opened, and Randal is right in front of them. He says, tell me what? and asks what Marcie is doing there. These are the moments soap watchers watch for.

Next time, Alex thanks the doctor, Brad tells Randal to turn the camera away from his house, Eddie thinks he’s the Teflon Don, and Kelly says this is crazy.

Below Deck

Second day in Anguilla. Kate says that it’s the most boring charter ever. EJ says he has to double-check everything. Jen doesn’t think that Kate is trying to get her to quit, but it sucks to be her. Nico tells Baker to check the brake, since EJ didn’t check it last time. EJ tells Bruno there’s a reason why he’s there.

Matt thinks he blew the dinner last night. He has to put his bullsh*t aside, and focus on the meal. A leak starts happening in the laundry room. Brianna says it’s totally Jen. She tells Kate there’s a foam party from both washers. Kate calls Jen, and tells her about what happened, and to use less detergent. Bri is starting to feel like she’s doing more work.

They arrive at St. Barth’s, and we see a three-masted yacht called a Maltese Falcon. Nico says that anybody who is anybody is typically there right now. They drop anchor, and put out the water toys. The deckhands always complain about setting up the slide, but it does look like fun.

Chris asks Kate how long EJ is going to be with them. He’s thinking of sleeping in the bilge, because the crew mess is not working out. She tells him to be happy for the extra help, learn what he can, and make the bilge his home. Matt can’t find the lobster that he promised the guests. He asks Captain Lee if they can send a tender to shore for one. Kate says Matt doesn’t think ahead too much.

EJ tells Baker to do something, then Nico tells her something different. Baker doesn’t want to piss anyone off or hurt feelings. At the end of the day, she has two bosses, and she’s just going to do what she’s told. No lobster yet, and the guests are starving. They start getting cranky, and Kate brings out the salads, which are proclaimed delicious. Probably anything is when you’re starving, but they do look incredible.

Bruno tells Nico that the communication is confused. Nico says just because someone has more experience, it doesn’t mean they know more. Okay. The lobsters arrive. They move around when Matt cooks them, and Brianna is like, eww. Me too. Kate calls it a lobster miracle, but not for the lobsters. The guests are happy again. Two guests take out the jet skis.

Kate tells Matt that the guests don’t drink, and aren’t into anything but food. They want a tasting of the Caribbean dinner. She tells him that she would kick it up a little extra. An extra deckhand could mean less of a tip, so he needs to be on his A-game.  Bruno works without a shirt, and Captain Lee says, never ever, and makes him put it back on. EJ tells Nico that there’s salt on the windows, and Nico says, you do you, and life is good. EJ says they need to be done over. He thinks Nico is just maintaining, and has no future in yachting if he acts that way. Nico thinks dealing with EJ is like dealing with syphilis. You don’t want to, but you have to.

Jen FaceTimes with her daughter, but they get cut off. Nico says he’s finally getting somewhere, and EJ has made him take a step back. EJ tells Baker they have to find a happy medium. Matt says that he has one last night to impress the guests, and hopes the tasting menu turns things around. Once again, the guests are thrilled. Kate wonders who the man is in the kitchen, and what he’s done with Matt. Everything is declared off the charts. Kate tells Matt to go see the guests, and he gets many compliments.

The casino party is set up. Kate asks to borrow Chris for the evening. He tells her that he’s glad to help, but doesn’t know how to deal cards. Bri tells him to pretend. Kate asks if he can deal anything, and he says attitude. Captain Lee calls Nico and EJ to the bridge. He says they’re finishing charter four, and wants unbiased opinions on the deck crew. Nico tells him that Baker is good, Bruno has improved, but nothing is happening with Chris. EJ sees potential in Chris, but says Bruno has no concept of yachting after being on cruise ships. The captain says it’s culture shock, and tells them about Bruno being shirtless. He asks if they go down a person, is there an issue, and they both tell him no. EJ thinks they’re all fine though

Matt says redemption feels good. It’s not about being perfect, but you can always show improvement. Chris says sleeping next to all the supplies isn’t his first pick, but he has a hammock and privacy.

Bruno says last night Bri kissed him – in his dreams. They gaze at the Maltese Falcon, and Nico calls it the pinnacle of all yachts. Kate explains how they pull something and all three sails go up at the same time. Captain Lee says they’re too close. They must have drug anchor during the night and started drifting. He wants the Intrepid moved. Kate says they’re almost look-in-the-windows close. The captain says they have to reset the anchor. EJ takes Nico to the Intrepid on the tender, but Nico forgot to bring the keys. Didn’t this happen once before?  He says it’s a scary situation with the current pumping along. Chris tells us that he’s the only one not screwing up, but no one will notice. Captain Lee says they look like idiots. You never cut loose without keys or a running engine, and Nico has his head up his ass. They’re about one hundred feet from catastrophe. Nico says just ram it, and EJ says sh*t is going south real quick.

The primary guests says they’ve had a successful vacation. Baker is just leaning on the railing daydreaming, and Captain Lee yells for her to pull anchor. He just wants the guests off the boat to rip the crew a new one. He tells us that he’s never seen such a collective group of effing idiots in his life. EJ says that Nico is supposed to lead, but he’s not in it to win it. Something has to change.

The crew bids the guests farewell, and the primary says it was the highlight trip of his life and marriage. Nico says he thinks they were happy they didn’t die. Kate wants to change careers. Matt says five guests felt like ten. Captain Lee calls a meeting in the crew mess.

He says sober people were a first for him, but they left happy. Happier than he was. He tells them that EJ will be with them for the foreseeable future. The tip is $21K (very nice!); $1750 each. The captain says it’s not bad for people who don’t drink. He tells them the boat turnover is tomorrow, and to let their conscience be their guide. He says he’ll have no mercy on any a-holes in the morning.

Baker says it looks like Chris is here to stay. Captain Lee calls the deck crew to the wheelhouse. He tells them the anchor drop was effing embarrassing, and he should be wearing a bag over his head. It can’t happen again. He says when Baker feels the pressure come on, everything she’s learned gets forgotten. Chris just watches things happen. They have to make a change, and better guarantee no repeat of today. He tells Nico and Chris to stay. He tells Chris that they’re in the middle of a busy charter season, and don’t have the luxury of teaching him. He didn’t ask for this, but it’s a fact. He has to be cut loose. His heart is in the right place, but he needs more than the captain is capable of giving. In his interview, Captain Lee says he can’t fire everyone, but it’s time for Chris to go. We flash back to Chris being a lazy pita, and the captain says he has to focus on the ones who are trying to do the right thing. He’s going to put Chris up in St. Bart’s for the night, and he has cash in his pocket. Chris got lucky with that. The captain’s rule is that if you end up getting sent home, you get no tip. I assume he bent the rule because it’s not like Chris is being let go for some infraction of the rules. In his interview, Chris says he can’t wait for the other deckhands to screw up. He was dealt a sh*tty hand, and no one helped with it, Matt takes his bag to the tender, and Chris departs. I’d like to note here that spellcheck recognizes “effing” as a word.

EJ asks to talk to Nico. He says that he  tells someone to do something, and Nico changes it. To undermine him isn’t cool, and they’re not going back and forth again. In his interview, he says that no one talks to him like Nico has who is under him.

Bri asks if Jen needs help, and Jen asks her to organize some cabinets. In her interview, Bri says that Jen acts put upon, but they both do the same amount of work. Jen just complains more.

Everyone gets ready to go out. The gang goes ashore to a restaurant that has great ambiance, and serves fabulous food, like they always do. EJ makes a toast to his first night out on the town. Kate asks him to tell them something about himself. He says he’s from Canada, and has worked on yachts his whole life. He’s worked with Captain Lee before, but rest assured, he gets no special treatment. Whatever the captain can dish out, he’s gotten it all. The food arrives. Jen is already drunk and propositioning Nico in French. In his interview, Nico says someone needs to help her out; she needs to get laid. Matt tells us that he’s gained perspective, and realizes how he messed up. He texts his ex. Kate jokes around, saying everyone is awful. Jen gets offended. EJ suggests bonding with tequila shots. Why is it always tequila? I hate tequila.

Jen complains about working so hard. Bri says Jen is bitter all the time, and Jen asks how. They’re getting a little loud, and Nico reminds them that they’re in the middle of a restaurant. Kate tells them to tone it down a notch. In her interview, she says they’re making a lot of money and in St. Bart’s; why ruin it? In her interview, Jen says she thought that they were good. Now she never wants to talk to Bri again. They move on to another bar, and Jen tells EJ that she’s not bitter when she drinks. Nico and Bri dance. Jen complains to Kate about Bri. Nico says that Bri is trouble for him. In her interview, she says that Nico never even talks about his girlfriend. She thinks there’s a part of him that wants to stay available.

They all manage to get back to the yacht, but EJ wants to jump from the small boat to the deck. He does a pretty good job, and encourages Nico to do the same. Nico starts giving EJ instructions on how to tie up the boat. EJ feels disrespected. Nico tells EJ that if he can’t control his drinking, don’t drink. EJ says Nico is the one who’s drunk. They argue about the tie line, and Nico tells EJ to go to bed. EJ tells Nico not to tell him what to do. Baker thinks they’re going to punch each other in the face. Nico tells EJ to get his shoes off of his deck, and EJ says, my deck now, buddy boy. Nico asks if he wants to fight.

Because they’re both thirteen.

Next time, Nico says he’ll quit if he’s not bosum, Matt is out of ingredients again, and Nico and Bri go to the beach. Sounds like a children’s book, but it doesn’t look like this is subject matter for children.


The Maltese Falcon as Below Deck saw it

Yacht-MalteseFalcon2 Yacht-MalteseFalcon3

The Maltese Falcon with Sails Up


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