April 23, 2018 – A Surprise Dinner Party, Jax is the Lowest Form of Life & Misery Loves TV


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

At the station, Jordan says the last thing she expected to walk in on was Sonny and Ava yelling at each other. Sonny says he has full custody, and he’s taking Avery home. Ava says one more step, and his whole family will pay.

Valentin finds Nina putting appetizers on the coffee table, and asks what’s happening?She tells him they’re having a dinner party. He says she didn’t tell him, and asks who the guests are, and why is she being so mysterious?

In Switzerland, Spinelli says Henrik was thorough in covering his tracks. Jason tells him to focus on the records. Spinelli can’t find a name, but does have a picture. They gather around, and he says, behold, this is him. The banker agrees that it’s Henrik Faison.

Nina opens the door, and welcomes Peter in.

Robert asks what connection Anna has to Faison’s son. She said she never even knew of his existence until recently. Robert’s not buying it, and says Henrik isn’t just Faison’s son – he’s also hers.

Sonny tells Ava that she has no claim, and she says she’s Avery’s mother. He endangered her life, and Ava isn’t walking out. Sonny asks Jordan for help, but she says there’s nothing she can do. Sonny tells Ava that he’s been generous. She says screw his generosity. His deranged father put Avery at risk. Mike says he’s sorry, and Sonny says it was an accident; there won’t be a repeat. Ava says he’s got that right. He can go, but she wants Mike arrested.

Nelle stops by Sonny’s place, and asks Michael if there’s any news. He says, nothing. She says she hasn’t heard from Ava, either, but couldn’t stay at the gallery. He offers her some dinner.

Jason says he doesn’t recognize Henrik, and Spinelli says there’s no reason he should. It isn’t a real photo. It’s a composite of hundreds of other faces put together. Sam asks if the banker knew, but he had no idea. She asks Spinelli about the banker’s financial records. She thinks they should notify the Sultan or the bank board, or maybe the Russian. Spinelli thinks the Russian is a gangster of some repute. The banker says they have his full cooperation. Sam asks why they should believe him. Jason says has Henrik has a safe deposit box there, and asks Spinelli to see if his father did. Spinelli finds a record of it, and says it was last accessed on February 22nd – after Faison’s death – by the banker.

Nina tells everyone dinner is in a half hour. Valentin wonders since when is Peter a desirable guest. Nina says since Curtis found out about his past, or lack thereof. She wants to make him forget about Maxie. The doorbell rings. It reminds me of Watch What Happens Live, and I fully expect it to be the Gay Shark. It’s not; it’s Maxie.

Anna accuses Robert of raving. He says that instead of bringing him to justice, she’s making excuses for Henrik. She says he had a painful childhood, and Robert asks why it matters. She says it matters to his mother, and it matters to her.

Jason says the will was read in February, and asks the banker what Henrik wanted from the box. He says, letters: one addressed to Andrew Cain, and the other addressed to Jason Morgan. He asks if the banker opened them, but that’s no. He says that one was a standard envelope, and the other had a flash drive in it; both were sealed when he left. The banker tells them that he’s never seen Henrik in person. He doesn’t know what else is in the box, and Sam says they can find out themselves. The banker will do it for them. She tells Jason to go with him, so he doesn’t get lost.

Anna asks if Robert is happy, and says it’s enough for one day. She tells him to leave, but he wants to hear the rest. She says it won’t change anything, but he says he can better understand; she owes him that much. She tells him that she was young and in training. No one could crack Faison, but she knew his blind spot, and decided to use his obsession against him. She knew what bar he favored, and that he slept with women who posed as her. She disguised herself (as herself? this is the part I don’t get), and watched him. He’d been drinking a lot when she propositioned him; he was so drunk he couldn’t see her for who she was. Robert asks what happened, and she says it worked. She got what she needed that night, but got something she didn’t expect – a child.

Maxie tells Nina that she brought some contracts to sign, and Valentin says he’ll see to their guest. Nina says she’ll deal with it tomorrow, and tries to push Maxie out the door. A woman shows up, and Nina introduces her as Riley, and Maxie says she loved Riley’s Enchantment campaign. She wonders why Riley is there, since she doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10K. Riley says, or a tall, dark, and handsome dinner date.

Ava tells Jordan that Mike put her daughter in danger. Jordan asks Dante for just the facts. He tells her they found Mike and Avery at the stables, and they were gone more than twenty-four hours. She asks if Avery was injured, and Griff says she was fine. Ava says God knows where they were, since they were gone overnight. Dante says Mike isn’t well, and Sonny adds that he has diminished capacity. Ava says all the more reason he shouldn’t be around Avery. It’s child endangerment at best, and kidnapping at worst. Today, it was his own grandchild. Who will it be tomorrow?

Sonny says his dad is a good man. He tells her not to do this; he’s ill. Sonny asks Griff to help, and Griff says he recently diagnosed Mike with dementia. He says Mike loves his family and loves Avery. He didn’t mean for this to happen. Diane wants to confer with her client. Ava gets her phone out, and Griff asks what she’s doing. She tells him that she’s getting Scotty. He asks if she’s sure this is how she wants to handle it, and she says she’s protecting her child. She asks if he’s with her. Diane tells Sonny she’ll get his dad out. Carly says it was an accident; there was no criminal intent. Diane tells her that doesn’t mean a crime wasn’t committed.

Nelle tells Michael that she feels bad eating at a time like this, but he says she has to take care of the baby. He tells her that he has reason to be optimistic.

Peter tells Valentin that if anyone wants to dig into his past, let them; there’s nothing to find. Valentin says that’s the problem. When there isn’t much there, it’s a complete fabrication. Nina brings Riley in, introducing her to Peter as Crimson’s favorite cover model. Maxie says she and Peter have met.

Anna tells Robert ha the baby was innocent. She thought she could have it, and give it up, but she was wrong. She didn’t even know it was a boy. She didn’t want Faison to find out, but she needed to be sure. If she was wrong, all he needed to change was a reason – like a child. Robert says, and people call him optimistic. She told him that she was disillusioned with the Bureau, but she was playing him. She let him make her into a double-agent. She thought she could deliver him to the Bureau, but her plan didn’t work. He was so twisted by then, she couldn’t chance him finding out at that point. She was so far into the DVX; she was trapped, and couldn’t get out. Until he came with an assignment, and she met him. We flash back to Anna and Robert younger than I ever remember them. She says everything changed. He gave her a reason to hope.

The Banker brings in a box. Spinelli says, The Jackal is in full control of the bank and its security system. He tells the banker he’d better continue to cooperate. The banker says to just get what they want and go. They look in the box. Sam takes out some stacks of money, a bag of sapphires, and a folder of papers. Jason finds a picture of Anna, and puts it in his jacket pocket, saying he’ll give it back to her. Sam asks Spinelli if he has any idea what code is, and gives him the folder. Jason takes out a storage box, and says it has a scanner and a keypad. Spinelli tells him, touch that, and we’re dead.

Spinelli explains that It’s a conundrum box, designed to be opened by one specific person. If anyone else tries to open it, it self-destructs. The contents will be vaporized, as well as anyone in the proximity. Jason says nothing is uncrackable, an asks if it’s safe to transport. Spinelli says it’s stable, as long as it’s not opened. Sam says they’ll donate the cash and jewels to charity, and Spinelli concurs. He asks if they’re ready to depart before their comfortable margin to quit the premises is back online. He’s uploaded the banker’s illegal dealings. The banker says this is his death sentence. Sam says as long as he’s available as their private banker and doesn’t cross them, he’s safe. She says it’s been a pleasure, and links arms with Spinelli. The three of them leave.

Robert says he and Anna fell for each other and got married. Then he discovered she was a double-agent, and everything went to hell. Seven years later, she showed up with Robin. Anna says she’s sorry she hurt him. He’s sorry for her pain, and that he never made her feel safe. He weeps, and she says she’s sorry too. He asks what they do now. She can’t hunt for Henrik alone; he’ll help on one condition. Henrik must never know she’s his mother.

Peter and Riley talk about Budapest. He mentions all kinds of places to go, but she doesn’t like to leave her hotel room. Nina tells Valentin it’s going well, and he says it would be easier without Maxie. Nina says she didn’t invite her; she just showed up, and she can’t get her to leave. Valentin says he can get rid of her. Nina asks how, and Maxie joins them. She says they’re lucky she showed up. Her invitation must have gotten lost in the mail. Nina says she didn’t want Maxie to feel pressured. Maxie says she’s happy Nina is making the effort to be nice to Peter. He’s one of the friends she can count on.

Diane tells Sonny that Mike has to remain in custody, but the arraignment is tomorrow. Sonny says he’s sick, and Diane says she’ll address that, and get the charges conditionally dismissed. He’ll be remanded to Sonny’s care. Carly thinks there has to be a way around. Sonny thinks there is.

Robert tells Anna, no reunions. She says she has to tell Henrik about his risk of disease. Robert says they can communicate that, but not tell him that she’s his mother. He says she should spare her family at best, and at worst, he could destroy everything they love. He tells her to promise he’ll never know. Anna promises, and he asks who else she told. She says, Andre, and he says, what about Finn? She says she wanted to, but she couldn’t. She tells him there’s no one else she told, but there is someone else who knows.

Maxie tells Nina that Peter is a man of the world, and Riley dressed up her Shiatzu for Halloween. Her point?  She says someone needs to save him. She goes over to Peter and Riley, saying she doesn’t mean to interrupt, but is Riley off her diet? The crab puff she’s eating has gluten in it. Riley excuses herself, and Peter calls Maxie his hero.

Mike tells Sonny that he’s making a mistake. Carly tells Mike that he’s doing what he has to, and Mike says tell him not to. Ava wonders why Griff is struggling. Sonny asks what she wants, and Ava says full custody. Diane says that’s not on the table. Ava suggests they give Mike the cell furthest from the drunk tank. Diane tells her that whatever leverage she has is going to slip through her fingers. Ava tells Sonny that she’ll do what she can to make sure his father spends his last doddering days in a cell. Does he want to take that chance? Diane tells Sonny not to win the battle and lose the war. Sonny says all right. Ava was cheated out of time with Avery, and can have her until tomorrow. Ava says, until tomorrow then.

Michael brings Nelle some water. She says he doesn’t look happy, and he tells her that he can’t say  his parents always put their children first. Nelle say Carly would do anything for them without a second thought, and Michael says Nelle would do the same for their child. Nelle says she’s trying to give the baby the best life she can. Michael’s phone rings. He tells Nelle they’ve found Avery and his grandfather. They’re going to be okay.

Sonny tells Avery that he’ll see her in the morning. Ava picks her up, and she says, bye, Mommy and Daddy to Sonny and Carly. Ava is not amused. Griff leaves with her. Mike tells Sonny that he shouldn’t have done that. Sonny says Mike doesn’t know what’s going on, and he has it under control. Mike says not to make the mistake he did. When comes down to it, choose his child. Sonny tells him not to worry about it, and tells Mike that he loves him. He and Carly leave.

Robert says, so Valentin tracked Anna to the house, and saw the midwife give the baby away? She says he only saw the baby once; he’d thought she had a girl. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Spinelli, Sam, and Jason.

Maxie tells Peter that Riley is wrong for him. If he’s looking for a date, talk to her; she knows the best people. Peter has no doubt. Nina says dinner is served. Peter takes out his phone, saying a volatile appetizer needs his attention, and he’ll be right there. Nina can’t find Riley. Peter tells Valentin that if he’d had to spend anymore time with her, he’d have died from boredom. Valentin says Nina is not going to let him be with Maxie. He needs to leave Port Charles. Peter says Nina is Valentin’s wife. He needs to find a way to deal with her. Peter isn’t going anywhere.

Sam tells Anna that the letters were destroyed. Henrik had to bank manager get them from the box, and they’re gone. Spinelli shows them the conundrum box. Sam points out that it has the Cassadine family crest on it.

Nelle hugs Michael. Sonny and Carly return, and Michael asks where Mike is. Sonny says he’s with Dante, and Avery is with Ava, but just for the night. Nelle thanks Michael, and says she’s glad it worked out. He says he hopes so.

Ava tells Griff that Avery fell asleep before she was finished tucking her in. She found hay in Avery’s pockets. She spent the night in a barn with a man who didn’t know who she was; never again. Griff says she and Sonny will find a way to work it out tomorrow. He tells her there’s no need to worry anymore. She asks if she looks worried. No, but Griff does.

Mike tells Dante that he really screwed up, but Dante says Sonny and Ava are messed up. Mike says the worst thing is coming back to himself and seeing people trying to figure out how to handle him. Should they talk to him straight, or lie to him like he’s a child? Dante says, let’s go have another camp out.

Carly tells Sonny that if Ava gives them any trouble, they’ll play their trump card – the video of her and Paul Hornsby. Because everyone will care about her sleeping with some guy who left town ten years ago. Sonny tells her that he’ll take care of Ava and Avery. She should take care of herself. She’s the one who needs help.

Tomorrow, Jordan tells Curtis a spot was found on her lung, Ava is going to fight for full custody, and Doc asks Carly why Sonny wanted her to see him.

Vanderpump Rules

Brittany says this is exactly what Jax wanted, and jets, calling him a dumbass, and slamming the door on her way out. He calls to her from the balcony, but she gets in a car and leaves. He says he sucks at relationships, and picks at some pizza. He says there was so much damage, he thinks it was a lost cause. She’s not happy, and it’s the one thing he can do to fix it.

Jax goes to Katie and Schwartz’s apartment. He says it’s not good right now. He thinks he’s a decent guy, but when it comes to relationships, not so much. He ended things with Brittany, and she took off after dropping some f-bombs. Did he expect her to just shrug it off and stick around? Oh, wait. It’s Jax. Maybe he did. Katie asks if there was a fight. He says it was a good morning, and he tried not to be a d-bag. They had sex last night, and this morning; it was a great morning. Here’s where everything screeches to a halt in my mind. Even though I don’t hate Jax any less, I could almost see his point. Brittany should have broken it off with him long ago, but this is the next best thing – she needs to be rid of him. I’ve had jobs where I knew I should move on, but was comfortable. I would still be there if the companies hadn’t been sold, and I was forced to go. Schwartz and Katie are both like, what? and Jax puts the d-bag cherry on the cake by saying, because sometimes sex isn’t about relationships; you just need to get off. In her interview, Katie calls Jax clinically, sociopathicly, insane. Jax says he’s miserable, but needs to fix himself before he can make someone else happy. She deserves better. Katie seconds that, and I hate Jax even more, if that’s possible.

Lisa has something for Lala. Lala hopes it’s something good; she’s stressed out. Lisa gives her an amazing pair of knee high lace up peep-toe boots. Lala loves them. She says it’s the first time she’s putting it out there, and she’s terrified. Lisa knows she can do it, and wants her to kick ass. She says Lala has done everything to get ready, and trust her, it will go brilliantly. When you’re wearing boots like that, what could go wrong?

Jeremy and Billie have drinks at Tom and Ariana’s place. Ariana suggests Tom work on the book while he’s working on cocktails for the bar. In his interview, he says he has problem with tunnel vision, and just concentrates on one thing. They talk about looking at a house, and Tom says his parents might have to help him out, because he’s invested everything in TomTom. If it’s a success, the house might come sooner than later. Ariana is obsessed with houses. Schwartz texts Tom about Jax and Brittany breaking up. He tells Ariana that he’s pretty sure Schwartz is meeting Jax at the hotel. Ariana can’t believe Tom is leaving because Jax broke up with his girlfriend. They finally have time to hang, and now he’s going to bounce because Jax made a stupid decision.

Tom says Jax is his friend. In her interview, Ariana wonders what it’s like up Jax’s butthole, and if there are rainbows and unicorns. She says they haven’t been on a date in forever. Jax made the choice to be an idiot, and Tom needs to stop babysitting him. She knows by the time he gets home, she’ll be asleep. Tom leaves to Ariana says sorry his friend is such an idiot.

Kristen tells Carter that Brittany is coming over. Jax just broke up with her, and had sex before he did. It’s bad enough he cheated on her, but he had to get one last bang in. Carter tells her that everyone’s version of the hot tub story is different. Kristen doesn’t know how they can have different stories, when no one was there but her, James, and Schwartz. She tells him that she’s being honest, and he has to believe her. He says he doesn’t put himself in positions like that, and she shouldn’t either. In her interview, Kristen says he’s right. She shouldn’t put herself in the position to jeopardize their relationship. She tells him, lesson learned.

Baby man Jax waits for his keepers. Schwartz and Tom show up with reinforcements, otherwise known as liquor. In his interview, Schwartz says Jax and Brittany’s relationship was an utter disaster; it was time to call it quits. He asks if Jax thought about breaking up while he was nailing Brittany. Jax says there’s no right way to break up, but Tom says there is a wrong way. Jax tells them as soon as he got the job offer, he was in. Tom says they’re all going to Lala’s showcase, and Jax says he’s passing. Schwartz says they need to have separation. Tom says they can’t sleep in the apartment together.

Brittany is staying at a hotel, and met up with her childhood friend Zack, who now lives in LA. She tells us that he’s like a piece of home, and she hadn’t wanted to be around anyone who worked at SUR. She brings Zack with her to Kristen’s place. She tells Kristen that she’s still in shock; it’s not like they had a fight. She says she did everything she could; she’s never been so stressed out as she has in this relationship. She knows she can make it, and makes enough money to support herself. She hasn’t talked to Jax or responded to his texts. Zack says she’s super strong. In her interview, Brittany says Jax betrayed her in so many ways. It’s time to put herself first for once. She says trying to make Jax happy has been sh*t. Kristen brings up Adam, and Brittany says he’s really hot. She sent him her number; she wants someone to flirt with. Kristen couldn’t be prouder of her.

Ariana and Tom look at a house. The realtor shows them around, and asks if they’re planning on having children. Ariana says, no, and Tom says, yes; three or four. Ariana says her handbags are her children. In her interview, Ariana says she just can’t, colorfully describing pregnancy and childbirth, using a lot of hand gestures. The realtor asks what they do, and Tom tells her about the upcoming TomTom. He’s excited about more space, and having something together besides the credenza. He also wants more privacy. We see a clip of Jeremy interrupting a living room make-out session. He says, not just for him, but for them as a couple. The realtor leaves them to check the place out. Ariana is glad they’re taking a baby step forward. If they get a house, maybe Tom will figure out what’s important, and tell Jax to do it on his own. In her interview, Ariana says she doesn’t want to control Tom, but wants to be put first and have him care about her feelings too.

Harrison! At SUR, Lisa shows Harrison’s new gym clothes to Stassi, who is rooting around for candles to use at Lala’s party. Lisa tells her about Schwartz and Tom wanting to have people for drinks in the TomTom space, which is hardly finished. She says sometimes it’s easier to acquiesce. Stassi says she’s learned that too. Lisa asks about Patrick, and Stassi says she’s frustrated. She doesn’t know what love is anymore, and Lisa says when you love someone, you want to make them happy. Stassi thinks Patrick is a good person, but doesn’t know. Lisa thinks it shouldn’t be that complicated. In her interview, Stassi says Lisa and Ken are too perfect, and one must be an alien. Relationships like theirs don’t exist.

Brittany polishes glasses at SUR. Lisa asks if she’s okay, and Brittany says she’s fine. She’s staying in a hotel, and wants to work. In her interview, she explains that she grew up on a farm, and if you don’t get up and feed the chickens, you’ll have dead chickens. You get off your ass and get it done. I come from that kind of work ethic myself. She tells Lisa that he’s embarrassing her more by ending it for no reason. Stassi tells her not to feel embarrassed. They’ve all been there. Brittany says it’s time to put herself first. Peter brings over some goat cheese balls.

Tom and Schwartz look in a clothing store for uniform ideas. Schwartz wants the employees to be happy. Tom says he wants a look that’s completely different from SUR and PUMP. He wants the bartenders to wear something comfortable that’s also sexy. They talk about the progress party, and try on different shirts. Schwartz says hopefully, Jax isn’t coming to Lala’s showcase. Tom is tired of Jax doing this sh*t, and handling things like an idiot. He’s not going to believe the break-up is real unless it’s been two months. Schwartz says he’s going to have zero sympathy for Brittany if she goes back to him. In his interview, he says Brittany knew what she was getting into. There’s no point in over-analyzing it. He says Jax will be firing up his Tinder account, and getting back in touch with his man-whore roots.

Stassi brings her friend Alex to help with setting up the showcase party. She just wants Lala to be happy, so she can focus on being great. She still can’t believe she’s planning Lala’s performance party. Lala comes in, and says she takes back anything bad she’s ever said about Stassi. She’s excited, anxious, and nervous. James tells her it will be good, and they go through some musical stuff. In his interview, James talks about when he first met Lala, and we flash back to that. He feels partly responsible for her big debut. Lisa FaceTImes Lala, who says she’s nervous, and trying to pull it together. Lisa asks if Lala’s boyfriend is coming, and Lala says, maybe. Lisa thinks he should be there to support her. In his interview, James finds it odd. If it was his girlfriend, he’d be there for her debut. Lala says she’ll send Lisa a video.

James tells us that you never know who’s watching, and it only takes one person to make you famous. The place looks fabulous, with flowers, candles, and images of Lala everywhere. Brittany says it’s great to be thinking about herself for once, and Stassi says she has the smile of freedom. Lala just wants to have the best time ever on stage, and has her squad with her. She usually doesn’t care how people react to her, but this time she’s looking for approval, and hopes she does a good job. She shows off her new boots.

Sean 2, Lala’s producer, introduces her. In her interview, Scheana says she loves watching Lala, and it makes her want to go back to the recording studio. James says Lala is looking hot. Keeping it classy and sexy; then sexy and less classy. James does a song with her. In her interview, Stassi says Lala did incredibly well. She’d expected her to be like Scheana – tone deaf in a tutu, lip-synching. We flash back to that. Stassi says instead, Lala killed it. Lala never thought this many people would be so supportive. Stassi calls Lala a cool-ass awesome person. In her interview, Lala says she’s finally found a place among these bad birches. She thanks everyone for a second chance, and says she loves them. They toast. You’ve come a long way, Lala.

Tom asks Schwartz if Brittany has talked to Jax, and he says Jax texted her twice. He FaceTimes Jax, waking him up (good). Schwarz says they just saw Lala, and he’s a believer. Jax asks if Brittany is there, and how she is. Schwartz looks over to where Brittany is having he time of her life, and says she’s solid. Tom says for most part, she seems okay with it. In his interview, Jax thought it would be better, but it’s been worse. I break out my violin. Adam tells Brittany that he’s coming at everything blind. In her interview, Brittany says he’s a Southern gentleman, he’s hot, and she doesn’t give a flying about Jax. Women everywhere cheer. Everyone dances and drinks and has a good time.

Lala says James was the one who told her that her voice was good enough for people to hear. She’s grateful. He’s the one person gave her the confidence to start singing. James says he hasn’t always been the best friend, but Lala kept it real, and kept him in check. He respects her for that. They have each other’s backs. They hug.

Jax talks with therapist Lindsey. He tells her that he ended things with his girlfriend, and has a lot of emotions going on. In his interview, he says he usually sees Reiki instructor Kelsey, who makes life better, but she’s away, so he’s seeing his therapist. Hopefully, he can get through this without going crazy. He tells Lindsey that he’s 90% at fault. He doesn’t know how to do the right things; that’s why he broke things off. Brittany brought everything she could bring to the table. She was faithful, loving, caring, and deserves better. There are tears in eyes, and he says he doesn’t want this. She’s the first one he’s loved. I remain unmoved.

Brittany and Ariana go to the apartment. Brittany runs upstairs to change. Scheana joins them. Ariana says she’s Brittany’s bodyguard. Scheana remarks that Brittany is strong, calm, cool, and collected. Brittany tells them about Jax’s texts, where he said he loved her. She was the best thing that happened to him, and it’s hard. She says he can go screw himself. In her interview, Brittany says it’s her time to shine, and in the next relationship, she’ll rule the roost. She says, thanks for the boob job, a-hole.

Jax knows he did the right thing, but she was the best girlfriend he ever had. He says it was something he had to do, and holds his head in his hand. He thought it was the right thing to end it. Let her start fresh, and find someone to give her what he can’t. He doesn’t know if that’s what he wants. He doesn’t know if he made the right decision. He’s super lost and confused. My heart bleeds for him.

Next time, the finale, the TomTom progress party happens, Stassi introduces Patrick to Lisa, and Lisa asks for Jax’s resignation.

🏃 And We’re Out…








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