What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Was an encore episode today. I have no clue why. It took me a moment, but when I saw Franco and Kiki, I didn’t think he was out of Ferncliff and she was back from the dead. Had this been Port Charles, maybe.
So, moving on… or really, back…
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Destination: New Providence Island, Bahamas. In the limo to the hotel, Dorit suggests drinks on her terrace this evening. LVP says wouldn’t that be their terrace. LisaR thinks the hotel is Bohemian in a grand way. Everyone gets their own personal butler, and the suites are amazing. Erika’s glam squad meets her in hers. She says everyone else is too cheap to bring a glam squad because I guess it doesn’t occur to her maybe they don’t want a bunch of people waiting to pounce on them with glam tools at all times.
Dorit asks LVP if she’s happy they’re friends. LVP says right now, she’s reaping the benefits, but doesn’t know if it will last. Dorit says she’s being negative on this very positive trip. In her interview, Dorit doesn’t know what’s going on, but maybe LVP is holding a grudge about the dog even though she thought they were past it. LVP says she’s grateful to be there and have a few days respite.
Denise asks LisaR if dress is casual, but LisaR says, with these girls, it’s probably dressier, but she can wear what she wants. Teddi and Kyle have some food in their suite. Teddi says Cruz and Jagger connecting is huge, but when they disagree, Dorit won’t admit she’s wrong. Kyle says she was wrong once, and it was the worst day. Ha-ha! That was pretty funny. I’ll have to remember it.
Dorit thinks this is a good opportunity for her and LVP to connect and be together. In Dorit’s interview, she says the death of LVP’s brother has taken a profound toll, and she wants to be there for her. LVP says it’s been an exhausting few months. In her interview, Kyle says she loves LVP, and thinks she’s been through a lot. She tells Teddi that she doesn’t think LVP is over the dog thing, and Teddi is hoping they can have a real conversation, because if they start jabbing, someone might explode.
Dorit gets her hair done by her stylist, who she wasn’t too cheap to bring along. LVP thinks Dorit looks like her dog Schnookie. Now that she mentions it… LisaR arrives first. There’s a whole bar set up on the terrace with two bartenders. Erika is next, along with her 70” ponytail hair piece. Denise shows up in a tank and shorts. In her interview, she says she wasn’t expecting fancy. She packed the wrong sh*t, and learned quickly. Dorit says she’s booked an island for the next day. LVP and Kyle talk away from the others. LVP tells Kyle that she feels strange, and talks about appreciating what you have when you see how quickly you can lose it. In Kyle’s interview, she says LVP is having ups and downs, and is very emotional. She’s not the LVP Kyle knows. LVP says she looks back, and doesn’t remember one thing she argued with her brother about. In her interview, Kyle says her relationship with Kim is strained, but they’re talking. She’s still estranged from Kathy. LVP thinks they should celebrate life, family, and friends when they get a chance, and encourages Kyle to make up with her sister.
Teddi tells them when she was a kid, she used to tell the other kids she was adopted. I understand this. I would have done it too, but unfortunately, my family members all look way too much alike. Denise says she embarrasses her kids on a regular basis. LisaR joins LVP and Kyle. LVP says they were talking about life and its challenges. It’s why they drink. Butler Elvis is bringing his cat for LVP to cuddle with tonight. Kyle says she should find out if Dorit is allergic, but maybe she’s just allergic to dogs. LVP refuses to talk about it. In her interview, LVP says, bringing it up is just stirring the sh*t. The dog sh*t. She doesn’t believe there was any malintent on Dorit’s part.
Denise checks on her kids, but knows the girls are safe with Aaron. He’ll get them to school on time and feed them. LisaR sniffs around for the dog fiasco information, no pun intended. Teddi gives her a capsulized version. LisaR asks what part she’s playing. LVP gave her the information, but doesn’t want take responsibility. She set them up. In LisaR’s interview, she says, it’s a set up to make Dorit look bad. LVP wants to punish her about the dog. She can’t do it, so she’s having them do it, and she’ll say it’s not her fault. If she’d just asked Dorit why, and said she was mad, it would have been done. Now, it’s like high school. In her interview, Teddi thought her relationship with LVP was good, but no one likes to be set up or lied to. Kyle doesn’t want to rock the boat, which is what she’s best at.
They set off for the private island, Long Cay. Dorit says they can go swimming, have a massage, and own the Bahamas. We find out it’s where Denise did her Playboy shoot. That time, she brought her parents and daughter, so this trip is very different. Yet another butler welcomes them. Dorit says, nothing but the best and first class. If you’re going to do it, do it right. Said by a rich person who can’t fathom just doing it any way you can. LVP and Denise get a massage. The others hang out on the beach. Everyone freaks over a jellyfish. Erika tells them, no one got bit; quit ruining her vacation.
LVP thinks it’s great that Denise’s adopted daughter is close to her sisters. Denise is glad she adopted her. LVP talks about Max having had a lot of questions just a few years ago. In her interview, Denise says after the divorce, she decided to adopt. She tells LVP it’s difficult on playdates because her daughter can only say a few words. A chromosome disorder is causing delays. LVP says it must be rewarding, but challenging. Since Denise’s mom passed away (sadly, at 53) before the adoption happened, Denise knew her mom would send her the right son or daughter. Denise wonders if they should join the others. LVP says the others are quiet, and it’s making her nervous.
They find the ladies drinking on the sandbar. Denise goes into the water, while LVP stays on the beach. After a while, she says mommy wants them to get out so she can dry them off for lunch. A beautiful lunch under a gazebo. I guess she’s gone back to being a huge sh*t stirrer, since LisaR claims that Dorit told her whatever needs to be said will be taken care of at lunch, and Dorit looks a little surprised. In her interview, her excuse is that there is stuff not being said. So I guess it’s her job to fix that. She’s really starting to irritate me. Kyle says she’s having a good time. LisaR says she can go either way. I guess it depends on which way the sh*t is being stirred, and if it’s her stirring it. Camille thinks they can move forward. Dorit says she and Teddi have their differences, but their children bonded, so she feels better about the situation. Teddi agrees. Erika says she’s having a great time, and LVP is happy to be among friends who are supportive, but it’s making her emotional. In LVP’s interview, she tells us that Erika sent her a couple of lines of condolence after her brother died, but she wishes Erika had called. Erika thought it was the best way to convey her sympathy, but LVP felt she was distant. Erika says she’s sorry LVP feels that way, but it wasn’t her heart. In her interview, Erika says that when LVP’s brother passed away, she wasn’t comfortable calling, so she wrote it out. She’s never known anyone who felt a condolence note wasn’t good enough. She tells LVP, sorry it wasn’t good enough for her. In LisaR’s interview, she wonders who criticizes a sympathy card, but no one teaches you how to go through the grieving process. Oh gee, thanks for the slack. At this point, I just wish they’d get off LVP’s jock. LVP suggests they move on. Erika says, don’t bring it up again, and they can, but she’ll defend herself to the effing bone. She tells LVP, don’t make her out to be the bad guy. In her interview, Erika says if LVP thought she was cold before, hell has now frozen over. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m sick or what, but I’m disliking a lot of these women tonight.
Erika says she would have loved to connect with LVP privately, but here they are. Then this same genius says LVP seems sad. Seriously, did she lose a few marbles in the water or is that ponytail too tight? She says she thought LVP would want peace and quiet. In LVP’s interview, she says the other ladies sent flowers, and she’d hoped she and Erika were closer than that and could have talked. Kyle thinks LVP is brave, and supports her. LVP gets weepy, and tells them to stop. She just wants to enjoy the moment. She says she loves Erika, and Erika did nothing wrong. Denise – who’s about ready to ask, how about them Mets? – thanks Dorit for inviting her. Erika wants Denise to give her a Bond girl moment. In her interview, Denise says she didn’t come out of the water, but should have; it would have been a sexy shot. She gets in, and they take a video of her walking onto the beach. After that, it’s time to go back.
LVP feels like an idiot, being emotional. Denise is sweating bullets over what to wear. Kyle helps Teddi put lashes on. LisaR says her butler had a bubble bath with rose petals ready for her. She doesn’t understand what happened with Erika, so Erika shows her a copy of the sympathy note, saying it’s always important to have an insurance policy when dealing with someone slippery. She knew there would be an issue. Funny how LisaR keeps saying she doesn’t understand and needs to know, and then faults LVP because the people she’s pumping for information give it to her.
The ladies go to a restaurant for dinner. They discuss names, and Kyle explains she was named after football player Kyle Rote. Her parents thought they were having a boy. Teddi says she was supposed to be Baby Doll. It was that or Teddi Joe. Since her father was thankfully on the road, her mother chose Teddi. Seriously, John Mellencamp? You would name your girl child Baby Doll and subject them to a life of ridicule? And which Baby Doll would this be? The one from the Tennessee Williams’ play or Suckerpunch? Kyle is feeling weird because of the conversations about the dog. Dorit says she thought she and LVP resolved it. Teddi tells her about John prancing the dog out when she and Kyle were at Vanderpump Dogs. In Teddi’s interview, she says she and John have a relationship, and thinks he was told to tell her about it. She thinks it’s a pattern. LVP likes to make her friends look bad, but keep her hands clean. Kyle thinks LVP should have protected Dorit, but can’t control her employees. If Dorit had handled it properly in the first place, there wouldn’t be this scene. Dorit claims she thought the dog was going to a wonderful home, and makes sure to remind everyone that it bit her kids. Denise can’t follow this at all, and has no idea what thee bitches are talking about. I might note, she does not dig for any further information either, because she knows it’s not her business. LVP says the dog ended up in a shelter, but Erika says Dorit didn’t give it to the shelter. No one said she did, but she was supposed to contact LVP first before the dog went anywhere, and that’s the bottom line. Most breeders also have that in the contract. Should you no longer be able to care for the dog, they reserve the right for the dog to be returned to them. It’s honestly a wonder some of these women got to where they are, since they’re such idiots. LisaR says the information would be out there if LVP didn’t want it to be. It sounds like a set up. LisaR is worried about LVP; she’s slipping. LVP says she doesn’t believe for a second that Dorit is guilty of giving the dog to the shelter. She thought it would be okay, but should have given it to her. Dorit gets emotional, and LisaR hugs her. LVP asks why she’s upset, and the ladies gather around Dorit because we’re five. In her interview, Kyle says she loves LVP, but thinks she wants to punish Dorit and protect their relationship at the same time. Her employee shouldn’t have said anything. LVP agrees with that, but didn’t know Teddi would be gossiping. Teddi tells her not to turn it around. It’s how they were told. Dorit says it’s like there was an agenda. Teddi says she doesn’t want to be a scapegoat. In her interview, LVP says they don’t know WTF they’re talking about. She’s annoyed that her integrity is being questioned, and would rather have stayed home and gotten a root canal. Maybe Teddi’s parents should have gone with just Baby, since she wants to call it a night, and leaves the table.
I’m seriously steamed about this dog debacle. Not at Dorit, and not at LVP, who can do no wrong, but occasionally has a slip. It’s with Teddi, Kyle, and LisaR, who seem to be the ones keeping it going. Maybe John – who, it was made clear, was very pissed about this – should have kept his opinion to himself, but there were a few things Teddi could have done. One was tell him to keep it to himself. Why did she listen in the first place? Obviously she was interested, so barring that, she could have kept her opinion to herself. Ditto Kyle, who even keeps making jokes about it. But the worst one of all is the Wicked Witch of Rinna, gleefully rubbing her hands in the background as she stirs the pot. Even if LVP’s idea was for the other two to get the information out there, do they not have minds of their own? Teddi, Kyle, dudes, no one held a gun to your heads, making you listen or pass anything along. So if anyone is paving the way for a problem with Dorit, it’s you. I’m sure LisaR would say that’s exactly what LVP wants me to think, but again, these chicks aren’t five, fifteen, or even close to twenty-five. If it’s that easy to manipulate them, I’d like a signed blank check please.
Next time, snorkeling, spinning, Teddi insists LVP gave instructions to John, and Ken shows LVP some incriminating texts.
💃 I also watched Mexican Dynasties last night. I’m already in love with the chihuahua, whose name is Taco or Nacho or something (Sancho? Fred?), but my jury is still out on the people. I don’t mind how colorful, loud, and out there they are – hell, that’s why I was watching – but I got that we’re better than you vibe, which is a no for me, so we’ll see.
🍷 On Part Two of The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion, we started with Teresa grabbing Andy’s cards to throw them at Jackie, but Andy grabbing them back. Too bad. Although even funnier was Jackie reminding Teresa that she was on parole, to which Teresa responded by calling Jackie a white trash bitch. Jackie also talked about her parents having been on house arrest, but not together. Apparently, they would have been at each other’s throats. This actually left me with more questions than answers. New girl Jennifer’s opulence was discussed, and she might have sixteen bathrooms, but we found out she only has one that’s her go-to. Literally. We also discovered there are ways to find out if the shoe fits before a Turkish arranged marriage, although Jennifer felt it was all in the kiss anyway, and I agree. Andy actually used the word canoodling when referring to tabloid articles about Teresa stepping out on Joe #1. Melissa still hasn’t found another sister, and Teresa griped that Melissa had a sister there already, and was sitting on the wrong side of the couch. Like she made the seating arrangements. This caused Melissa to eventually say, no wonder she was looking for another sister; she needs back-up. What it really looks like is that Teresa is jealous of her relationship with Jackie.
Delores had a moment of honesty when she said Teresa was still stewing about what Jackie had said about Joe #1. Joe #2 joined the group, and was the voice of reason to no avail. There was a Memory Lane of clips with Juicy Joe and the family. Even I feel bad about the kids. Teresa hoped it wasn’t a decision she’d have to make, but admitted she wasn’t moving her kids to another country if Joe was deported. On Watch What Happens Live, Andy claimed he was shocked to hear it, but I wasn’t. I never once thought she was hauling ass to Italy. I’m more shocked (and sad) that I don’t like Teresa very much anymore. For someone who has been through so much and accomplished so much, she’s even hostile about a compliment or a joke. Maybe Joe #2’s suggestion that she use that thing in her drawer (i.e. the Rabbit) more often is a good one. Next time, the other guys and Danielle join the group.
⚠ Best line of the night, said by Joe #2: Shut up both of you; stick a knife in my effin’ eye.
🗽 Next Wednesday, March 6th, The Real Housewives of New York City will begin their new season at 9 pm.
🌟 More Proof Stars Are Just Like Us…
But only if we’re a-holes. And also a promo for Anna Paquin‘s new show, Flack.
💭 Thinking About…