February 18, 2019 – Laura Makes an Inspection, Solvang Will Never Be the Same, Lots of Lisa & Made It


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Curtis accompanies Lulu and Spencer back to Lulu’s house. He wants to do a sweep first, but Lulu says they don’t need to live in fear. Franco is in jail.

Franco asks if Jordan wants him to take the fall for crimes he didn’t commit. She says it depends on what he’s willing to do. He says, whatever it takes, and she tells him, plead guilty. He says, no, he’s not, but she says he told her that he’d go as far as it takes. He says not if he has to confess to brutal crimes he didn’t commit. She says, it’s the only way to draw the killer out.

Curtis tells Lulu that Franco is the alleged killer; it hasn’t been proven. Spencer if says if Lulu says Franco attacked her, that’s what happened. Lulu says they have nothing to worry about. They go inside. Lulu turns on the lights, and everyone yells, surprise! Lulu almost has a heart attack. As we all would.

Various interactions happen at The Floating Rib. Alexis sees Michael. She asks where his Valentine is, and he says, running late. He asks if she’s meeting someone. Kim thanks Julian for meting her. He says he’s glad to spend Valentine’s Day time together, even if he is patronizing his competition. Chase asks Willow if she’s okay hanging out. She seems distracted. She says, everything is fine. He tells her that he’s going to say this once, and never bring it up again unless she does. He thinks her giving up her son is the most unselfish act he’s ever heard of. Brad tells Lucas that he’s not in his 20s anymore; he’s tired. Lucas says they have two more hours of freedom. They can’t neglect their relationship. They need to set an example for Wiley of a healthy marriage, so he gets a partner he can trust. Someone who will love him, and never lie to him. Willow and Brad lock eyes.

At Ferncliff, a night nurse tells not-Doc/Ryan that he’s there late. Ryan says, mental health doesn’t take a night off. He goes into real Doc’s cell. The night nurse sees Laura in the hallway, and asks if he can help her. Doc asks, who’s there? and Ryan says, what’s the matter? Can’t he see for himself? Ryan slams the door behind him, and says, Doc made a big mistake. He lied to him.

Alexis says tells Michael that Diane is her Valentine. They’re supposed to meet and catch up. She’s going to step outside to call. On her way out, Kim asks to talk to her. She’d like to set the record straight.

Willow keeps staring at Brad, and Chase is like, hello? She says she was zoning out; it was a long day at school. He asks if she has a problem with Brad, but she says she hardly knows him. Chase says she seemed off when he saw them at the MetroCourt, now she’s staring. She says, what are you getting at, detective? and Chase says Brad seems to make her feel uncomfortable.

Lucas says his mom sent a picture of Wiley – sleeping. She says they should trust he’s okay, and enjoy themselves a little longer. Can Brad manage that? Brad says he’ll prove it by buying the next round. He goes to the bar, and Michael sits with Lucas. Lucas says he and Brad are out per Wiley’s grandmother’s orders. Michael says he’s flying solo until his date arrives.

At the bar, Julian tells Brad that every time he sees Willow, Brad isn’t far behind. Brad says he’s sounding paranoid. He and Willow are on the same page. Julian asks if Brad told Willow that her baby died, and he replaced it with another baby.

Nina apologizes to Lulu. Lulu says she’s okay, but it was definitely a surprise. Nina says she should have known it would startle Lulu, and Charlotte says they thought they were doing something nice. Lulu says they did. She missed Charlotte so much. Charlotte says she missed Lulu more. Spencer says he must be on his way, but Lulu tells him to stay. He never spends time with his cousin. Spencer says he called a car. She tells him, cancel it. It’s important to spend time with family.

The night nurse recognizes Laura as the mayor. She says she was hoping for an unannounced visit. She has clearance to do one at any time. He suggests she come during visiting hours, but she says, that would defeat the purpose of it being unannounced. She wants to do one now, and he tells her there are no supervisors there to take her on a tour.

Doc says Lulu must have identified Ryan as her attacker. Ryan says Doc’s credentials in hypnosis took care of that. Doc asks if he planted false memories, and calls Ryan a bastard. Ryan says Doc is in no position to cast judgement. He tricked Ryan into believing there was a prenup. He wouldn’t have caught it if not for Ava, who said it wasn’t Laura’s marital style. Unfortunately, he mentioned it already, and now Laura is suspicious, which he supposes was Doc’s intention. Doc has forced his hand. Now he has to deal with Doc and Laura. Doc is up first.

Charlotte asks if Lulu likes the welcome home, mommy sign; she made it. Lulu says, it’s beautiful, adding, isn’t it? to Spencer. He says, it’s charming in a DIY way. Charlotte says they did their best to keep it a secret, and Curtis says they were stealthy. Lulu tells her that seems like a lot, coming from a PI. Charlotte says, some secrets pay off, but some don’t. Right, Spencer? Nina brings out cookies. Charlotte wishes she could have brought Dante home to Lulu. Lulu does too. Charlotte announces that papa and Nina are getting married again.

Laura knows the night guy is doing his job, and commends him for it, but she’s clearly allowed to inspect when she feels the need. If he wants to call a supervisor, she’ll be happy to speak to whomever, but do now. Time is of the essence.

Doc tells Ryan the last person to have insight about Laura would be Ava. Ryan says, Ava is very insightful. She’d said the cold practicality of a prenup isn’t in Laura’s nature. Doc disagrees, and asks if Ryan and Ava are making plans for the future. Ryan says they’re in love, but there are a few remaining obstacles to remove. Doc says Ryan has a terrible habit of underestimating people. He always thinks he’s the smartest person in the room. It was all Laura’s idea. He asks if she denied it, and Ryan says she refused to discuss it until their lawyers were present. Doc says he can prove it’s real.

Jordan tells Franco, the killer is an arrogant egomaniac. He loves attention, and is going to be jealous. Franco says, of a guy in prison? but she says Franco will be taking credit for his hard work. It will be all over the press; if it bleeds, it leads. Franco will be enjoying the fruits of the killer’s labor; appropriating his work. He’ll try to one up Franco, and reclaim the spotlight. She tells him to trust her. If he follows her lead, he won’t get burned. He understands what she’s saying, but she’s not taking into consideration the people who believe in him. It would destroy Elizabeth.

Lucas shows Michael the picture of Wiley. Michael is embarrassed about waiting for an online date, but Lucas says there’s no shame in it. He’s the CEO of ELQ. He can’t be hanging out in bars looking for dates. A girl comes in, and Michael asks if she’s Zoey. She is, and says it’s nice to meet him. He’s better looking in person. That almost never happens. They’re usually a foot shorter, and a decade older. He thanks her for not catfishing him too. Since he’s in business, he knows how important first impressions are. She asks how hers is going so far.

Willow tells Chase that he’s imagining things. Brad doesn’t make her uncomfortable. He says he’ll retire his detective hat for the night. She says, too bad it’s too late for karaoke, and he says, next time. I’d like to know how late it is, since those things usually end like 1 am. Willow says he sounds confident. He doesn’t mean to brag, but he’s a decent singer. She says, like in the shower? and he says, the Nurses’ Ball. She says she heard about that, and he tells her that his partner Dante tricked him into thinking the whole department was performing. When he got up there, he found out he was doing a solo. He was terrified, but admits to being an easy target. She asks why he moved to Port Charles, and he says, there was an opening at the PCPD. She says, of course, but what drew him there? He says being close to his brother is a big perk, but he was following up on an old case; cleaning up a mess he made early in his career. A story for another time. Her turn. Why did she come to Port Charles? She says she was running away from a toxic situation there was no hope of fixing. He asks if it was about the father of her child.

Brad tells Julian that Willow has no clue, and he’d like to keep it that way. She approached him. Julian says Brad chose to engage, and Brad asks, what is he supposed to do? It’s a good thing he did. She said she won’t interfere with Wiley’s life. Julian tells him, she says that now, but Brad says she doesn’t even want him telling Lucas. Julian says there’s no reason why he should, right?

Alexis tells Kim, if this is about Julian, she knows they’re back together, and she’s happy for them. Kim feels worse now about how she acted when Alexis was trying to explain. She had a lot on her mind, but are they okay? Alexis says, absolutely fine, and Kim thanks Alexis for hearing her out. On her way back, Alexis nearly runs into Neil. She asks what he’s doing there, and he says hello to her too.

Curtis says Valentin and Nina are getting married again? Nina says, yes, and she’s thrilled. Curtis asks why she accepted, and she says, it’s a complex situation. She doesn’t think they should discuss it now in from of the kids, and he suggests the kitchen. Lulu thinks that’s a great idea, and tells the kids to stay there. Charlotte and Spencer sit on the couch, with their arms crossed, looking at each other. In the kitchen, Lulu says, spill. Curtis asks, when did forgiving Valentin turned into marrying him? Nina says, he’s proven himself in the last couple months. He brought her daughter back. Curtis gets that she’s grateful, but that’s no reason to get married.

Doc tells Ryan, the safest thing for Laura is to go through with the divorce. He doesn’t want to hold it up. She might get suspicious if Ryan doesn’t follow up. Ryan says he’s bluffing; there’s no prenup. Doc says it’s in his office. Ryan says he made himself comfortable there, and didn’t see it. Doc says, most people don’t frame their prenups. It’s in a safe behind his accreditation. Ryan says, there’s no safe, and Doc says, so he looked behind the accreditation? He didn’t think so. He asks if Ryan wants the combination or not. Ryan asks why Doc would help him, and Doc says, normally, Ryan isn’t this obtuse. He’s not helping him; he wants Laura away from him. Ryan can see for himself; he’s not going anywhere. Ryan knows where to find him. Laura stands in the hallway, just a few feet away.

Kim sits with Lucas. He says his mom is watching Wiley. Date night round one didn’t last. She recalls them sprinting out of the MetroCourt, and he says they couldn’t wait to get back to Wiley. He knows it’s ridiculous, but Kim says it’s hard to leave them at that age. Enjoy it while they can. She would give anything to relive those days with Oscar. Lucas says, sorry, but she tells him, don’t be. She loves talking about her son, and loves hearing Lucas talk about his son.

Willow tells Chase that she’d rather not discuss the baby’s father. They should just try to have fun. She asks him to tell her more about his solo. What did he sing? He says, Feel It Still. She loves that song. She says, there has to be a video online, and finds it on her phone.

Julian asks Brad, what good it would do for Lucas to know anything? Brad hates keeping secrets. Julian says Brad isn’t the only one keeping it; he is too. It’s a major complication for someone who’s trying to be more honest. He asks if Brad realizes how quickly it could fall apart. Brad asks if Julian isn’t the one who kept saying it would be okay, but Julian says, what happens if the real birth mother gets her act together, seeks him out, and wants her baby back?

Michael suggests he and Zoey order margaritas, and see where it goes. He says what attracted him to her was her volunteer work. She says, her what? He says she teaches English to migrant workers. She tells him that the site asked her to describe her best day. She didn’t think she’d get much attention if she was honest.

Alexis tells Neil that she was just leaving. He says if she’s leaving on his account, don’t. She says it’s not because of him, and points out Julian, saying, her ex. Neil says if it’s because of her ex, that’s her call, but he can change his plans.

Charlotte asks if Spencer is okay. He seems on edge. Is he hiding a secret? He says it’s none of her business. She doesn’t think his grandmother would be happy to find out he tampered with the election. He says he’s totally prepared to tell her, and deal with the consequences.

Lulu says she’s with Curtis. Nina can’t let gratitude cloud her judgement. Nina says, it’s more than gratitude. She said yes for Charlotte’s sake. She can be more involved in Charlotte’s life, and Willow will take her seriously. Lulu says, that’s not the issue. She doesn’t trust Valentin, and doesn’t think she ever will. Nina says Valentin has been kind to Lulu. He’s made mistakes, but so has she, and one recently. She accused the wrong man of attacking her. Nina doesn’t think it’s Franco at all.

Franco tells Jordan that he Just married the woman of his dreams. Does she know what it will do to Elizabeth to hear him say he’s the killer? She tells him to focus on what he has to gain. He’ll be responsible for bringing Kiki’s killer to justice. He says no one wants that more than him, and Jordan says it’s his chance to stop this freak. Isn’t it worth being wrongly accused? He says she’s asking a lot, but she reminds him that he said he’d do anything. He wants Elizabeth’s input before he makes a decision, but she says, no one else can know; not even Curtis. If they’re going to pull this off, it has to stay between them.

Laura ducks into a doorway when Ryan comes out of Doc’s room. When he’s gone, she looks through the room window, but Doc is in the bed with his back to her. Of course.

Willow tells Chase that he’s so good. He says, ha-ha, but she means it. She asks if he’s performing again this year, and he tells her that he has a gift for her in the car. He goes to get it.

Michael tells Zoey that he keeps busy with work, and likes to spend personal time with his family. He has two little sisters, and recently became a godfather. The dads made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Zoey is paying no attention whatsoever, since she’s messing with her phone. He asks if she’d like another round. Hello? He tells her if there’s someplace she’d rather be, don’t let him keep her. She says she should probably get going. She has another date; it’s the last one. He asks how many she’s been on tonight, and she says he’s her third. He doesn’t know whether to be impressed or offended. She says, dating is rough, and not to overthink it. You have to weed out the weird ones, and make the most of your time. He sarcastically says, romantic, but she says, practical. He says it was nice to meet her. She says he’s his favorite so far. Call her later. Maybe next time, she can give him a full evening. They can get to know each other better.

Brad looks at Willow, and tells Julian there’s no way Lucas would allow her near Wiley. Julian asks what makes him so sure? Lucas joins them, saying he’s reclaiming his husband. Kim also wants her date back, and Brad apologizes for monopolizing him. Kim tells Julian she’ll have to take a raincheck. She has to go; a patient is in labor. She’ll make it up to him. Next time she’s free, she’s his for Valentine’s Day romance. They kiss, and she leaves.

Alexis tells Neil that he doesn’t have to leave. They survived their awkward last encounter. He thinks they handled it well, and she says at least it wasn’t the same as Dr. Melfi running into Tony Soprano. He tells her, just don’t say toodle-loo at the end of their sessions. Zoey walks up to Neil and says he looked younger in his pictures. Bye. Neil says, that was mortifying, but she says she’s seen worse. He thinks he needs a drink. He goes to the bar, and Julian ask Alexis who her new guy is. She says he’s not her guy, but Julian says it’s the second time he’s seen them together. What’s the deal? Is she seeing Mr. Smoothie. She says, it’s Dr. Smoothie, and yes, she is seeing him. He says, good for them, but she says it’s not what he thinks.

Franco says Elizabeth wouldn’t tell, and Jordan is sure she wouldn’t, but they can’t risk the killer catching on. To protect everyone, they have to be kept in dark. He says he’s not doing it unless Elizabeth knows. She says she can’t force him, but if he doesn’t do it, he’ll get convicted and sent to prison for the rest of his life.

Lulu asks if Nina thinks she’s mistaken. She saw Franco. He trapped her behind her desk, pulled out a knife, and stabbed her. Nina says maybe she’s projecting about what he did before. She knows him very well. He’s not capable of that kind of violence. Lulu says Nina never knew the old violent Franco. She can’t see that he’s regressed. Nina asks if Lulu is saying Franco killed Kiki, a girl he adored like his own. Lulu wonders why she’s explaining this to Nina, since she’s marrying a killer. Nina says, it was self-defense. It wasn’t murder; Valentin was defending himself from Lulu’s brother. Curtis tells them, keep it down. The kids don’t need to hear this.

Charlotte wonders how long Spencer would survive a correctional facility. He says he’d be fine, but his grandmother isn’t going to let that happen. Charlotte says, she’s sworn to uphold the law. She’ll have no choice but to turn him in.

Finally! Doc turns over, and Laura sees him.

Michael asks if Willow scared Chase away. She says, maybe. She brought up his Nurses’ Ball performance, and he fled to the parking lot. She asks about his date, and he says it was more of a drive-by. It was hard to engage for five minutes. They couldn’t get past the small talk. He tried, but she was more interested in her phone. Willow says, it’s hard finding people to connect with, especially people who understand what they’ve been through. Chase comes back, and asks Michael how his Valentine’s Day is going. Michael says, abysmal. He was just telling Willow how his date escaped. Chase asks if he wants to join them, but Michael decides to go home. Chase gives Willow a gift bag. He tells her not to be offended, but her fingers are always freezing. She unwraps a pair of gloves, saying she loves them. She kisses him, putting her hand on his face, and he says, much better.

Julian says, so Neil is Alexis’s new shrink; how’s it going? She says they made a tentative foray into murky territory. He says, the tortured history of their relationship, but she says it’s not the history that concerns her. It’s more the future. She leaves, and he sits there puzzled.

Jordan tells Franco that the DA has more than enough evidence to secure a conviction. He says, planted evidence. She says, it’s just as likely, with his history of social violence, he killed them and kept the driver’s licenses as trophies. He says there’s no way anyone would believe he hurt Kiki. Jordan agrees the lack of motive is a concern, but it barely registered with the DA. She’ll get a speedy conviction, and look like a hero. Franco never paid for his earlier crimes, and the other devastation he left in his wake. Franco says she wants to see him convicted, but she says, wrong. She doesn’t believe he’s responsible for the murders she’s investigating. That means the killer is at large, and this is the best way of catching him. Franco will be a public disgrace for a short time, but then he’ll be exonerated, and the city will be grateful. Or, he can go to trial, and there’s nothing she can do to protect him from conviction. She tells him, take the night and think it over. She’s sorry this is where they are, but she’s his only way out of this mess.

Lulu says, to be honest, she doesn’t remember every specific detail, but she has no doubt Franco is the one who tried to kill her. The only other thing she remembers is how focused she was on her research. Curtis asks what she was researching, and she says something about Ryan’s murders. He asks if she explored that with Doc, and she says, yeah, but it muddled things more for her. Like this conversation. She leaves the kitchen, and Nina and Curtis look at each other.

Spencer asks Lulu if she’s had any word on his grandmother’s arrival. She says Laura must have gotten sidetracked with something important.

Laura says, my God! It can’t be. She knocks on the window. Doc sits up, asking if it’s her. He stumbles to the window, knocking over a chair. They look at each other for a moment, but then Laura falls to the ground. Doc calls to her, telling her to answer him. Ryan stands over her with a syringe. He looks in at Doc, and smiles.

Tomorrow, Lulu has an incredible story to tell, Curtis hopes Sasha is genuine, and Drew wants to know what type of game Shiloh is playing.

Vanderpump Rules

We go back to James’s brother Harry applying for a job at SUR, and Guillermo making James cry. Outside, James apologizes to Harry. He says Harry has a way of keeping calm. James can’t keep calm at work; that’s why he’s in the position he’s in. He’s stopped drinking, and knows it hasn’t been much time, but he’s keeping focused. He’s proud of Harry, and wants to take Harry shopping for new clothes; his treat. They hug.

Jax tells Peter, it’s got to be weird; Lisa firing James, and hiring his brother. Peter says James is learning. He hopes so anyway. He’s DJing for Billie’s party at PUMP. In his interview, Jax wonders if James and Lisa buried a body somewhere. He doesn’t understand why she keeps hiring him back. Jax tells Peter that he’s setting up the bar. He’s like the old Jax. Geez, let’s hope not. Jax means to say he uses the job as a buffer, but says fluffer instead (google it). Peter laughs. We flash back to Jax being an a-hole to various women. He tells Peter, growing up sucks. That it does. He lets Peter know about guys’ night. He tells Peter there will be girls. He lives vicariously now.

Still in Solvang, the girls wander around. In her interview, Stassi says she’s already noticing things about Kristen that are unsettling. We flash back to her eating a flower off of the lawn at the bar. Stassi says, she’s definitely not acting like herself. They go into a weird, little variety store where there’s some really cute stuff. Stassi says she’s been dating Beau eight month, and couldn’t be happier. For the first time, she’s able to trust a boyfriend. She didn’t know it was possible. Lala tells her that Beau brings out a great side in her. Lala asks Scheana how she’s feeling, and Scheana says, weird. She thinks she’s taking what Lala said too much to heart. We flash back to Lala telling her that she’s trying too hard. Scheana says she feels like she should be quiet more. In Lala’s interview, she says she told Scheana that she should be careful about oversharing with Stassi and Katie, but doesn’t want her to be a mute. The girls try some wine. I guess there’s even wine tasting in the stores there. In her interview, Kristen says her friends are a-holes. They think it’s fun to pick on her when they travel. She insists they’re terrorists too. She just doesn’t shove it in their face.

Harrison! Lisa goes to TomTom. She tells one of the workers that the party was amazing, from what she remembers. In her interview, she says now they actually have to open the restaurant. Enough money has gone out. Now they need to bring it back in. She tells the bartender the inspection is on Tuesday. Then they can start cooking. Tom brings in the alcohol freezing machine. She says it doesn’t go with her design, and asks if Ken and Nick know to be ready for this monstrosity. In Tom’s interview, he says he’s confused as to his role. They loved the machine, and he’s not understanding why it doesn’t fit the décor now. No one else is doing anything like this. He asks when the real opening party is going to be, and Lisa is thinking only one hundred people, so they can sit down, look at the menu, and get the whole experience. It’s a whole different ballgame. They’ll be enjoying the space as they would going to dinner there. There will be great music and lighting. In Lisa’s interview, she says it used to be a sex shop, and we flash back to her and Ken checking it out, and Lisa not being able to turn off a novelty vibrator. She says now she can say it’s a sexier than a sex shop. Tom tells her, the girls are out of town, and the guys are doing a staycation. They’re sharing the same hotel. Lisa is skeptical, even though Tom says they’re wearing chastity belts. She says Jax would still shag one of their girlfriends when they were sleeping. They laugh it off, and Schwartz asks, what’s the worst that can happen?

Tiny chairs for sale! Brittany calls Jax from the store, encouraging him to get moving. He says he’s a big boy, but she says she thought he’d at least have been on his way. In her interview, Brittany says she’s not being his mom, but wants to know what’s going on. She has a right, considering what she went through last year. He says, there’s a party coming up at PUMP. James is DJing, and he thinks James got his job back. He’s a cat with nine lives. Kristen hears, and wants to go. Stassi tells her, take a breath. In her interview, Kristen says Lisa keeps giving James chances, but holds sh*t against her that she did five years ago. She’s literally the only person not worthy of a second chance. She’s done. Stassi tells her not to put more energy into it, but Kristen says she’s telling Lisa to suck her d*ck; she’s over it. Stassi tells her, take a breath. Kristen jets, and Brittany wonders where she went.

They go to restaurant, telling the hostess, there’s another one on the way. Lala says Kristen wasn’t happy when they left. In Lala’s interview, she says she’s not about to chase Kristen around. It’s not happening. She put the trip together so they could have a good time. Ariana says Kristen knows what restaurant they’re at. Ariana wonders, why be upset about James doing a party? Stassi has no idea what happened, and Katie says Kristen was incoherent. Kristen comes in. Stassi thinks Kristen should tell them what she’s feeling. Kristen doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but Stassi can’t figure out why James working at PUMP has this effect on her. Kristen says she’s tired of James being given chances, while he treats good people like sh*t. In Kristen’s interview, she says, of all the guys she’s dated, nothing has infuriated her more than James. They should Just understand. We flash back to James being a d-bag to Kristen. Ariana tells her not to let it take over. Enjoy the day. Kristen says Carter texted her the same thing, but her insides are boiling. Katie says it’s poison to her, and Kristen says she can’t help it; she’s been trying for years. Katie says, find a way. It’s not healthy.

SUR is jumping. Harry is working, and Peter shows him what to do with stacking the dishes for takeaway. Lisa comes in. Peter explains he’s been serving drinks because they’re understaffed. Lisa tells Harry that his brother hasn’t set the best example, but Harry says he’s his own person. He’s proved that. Lisa says he started today. He hasn’t proved it yet. In her interview, she says, he’s so reminiscent of James when he first started. It’s eerie. Peter says Harry is still doing better than James did. James was okay as a busser until he started drinking full pitchers of sangria. Lisa asks how he got them, and Peter says, Kristen. Lisa says, there you go.

The guys gather at the hotel, in the outside area of the bar. They haven’t heard much from the girls, but Beau says he saw the private plane video. Tom suggests they take bets on who’s having the first meltdown. Schwartz says, Kristen always does. Jax says he mentioned guys’ night to James. Schwartz says he has a good heart; he just can’t control himself. Tom asks if it’s cool if he gives James a call. Jax wants to be drunker, and says James isn’t spending the night. Tom is glad people are coming around.

Lala tells the girls that it’s an early day tomorrow. They’re heading to the first winery at 9:15. The waitress brings tequila shots. Scheana says she never used to do them, and wonders what was wrong with her. Katie says she heard Scheana and Adam went to bang town. Stassi says they can live vicariously through Scheana having sex. Scheana says they just hang out a lot. In her interview, Stassi says, Scheana is full of sh*t. She’s seen her with Adam on Instagram a dozen times in a month. They’re always going out, and it’s always on social media. Stassi thinks Scheana shouldn’t be evasive, and Brittany admits she told them. Scheana asks, why? It was a secret. She says she wants to be open, get along, and be part of the group. She gets teary, and says it feels like when she shares, they make comments behind her back, like about Rob. In Katie’s interview, she says Scheana’s relationship with Rob was prime to make fun of. We flash back to Scheana saying Rob’s name ten million times. Stassi says no one is trying to hurt her. Scheana says she asked Katie to braid her hair, and got no response. She figured they weren’t at that level, but now she’s asking who Scheana sleeps with. Lala thinks Scheana is genuinely trying. Katie says Scheana said some messed up stuff about her, and she’s trying to get over it. In her interview, Katie says Scheana publicly shamed her marriage, and cut her off as a friend. We flash back to Scheana yelling that Katie and Schwartz’s marriage is fake. Katie wonders why Scheana is so sorry now, when she’d said her life was better without Katie, and the friendship was fake. In Scheana’s interview, she says, they’re getting to the point where she doesn’t think the friendships will ever be half of what they used to be, but she’s not going to stop trying. Katie tells her, give it time. Let them get reacquainted. There’s plenty of other stuff they can talk sh*t about. They laugh, and Stassi says, girls’ night is the best.

Peter arrives. He asks if there’s an agenda. Tom points out that Peter is single, and Peter says he wants boobs in his face tonight. James also joins them. In his interview, he says he was so happy when Tom called. He’s come so far. He hasn’t been drinking, and he’s not having one now. He orders an Arnold Palmer. Tom, Peter, and James go to the bar. Schwartz asks if Tom is wingmanning, but has a hard time putting that word together. He says he’d be rusty picking up girls.

At the bar, the guys meet a group of girls. Tom orders drinks, and gets a Melted Snowman for James. In his interview, Tom explains, the ingredients are the same as in an actual snowman – it’s ice and water – but he wanted James to feel included. It’s an old bartending trick. Peter says he just wants to have a good time. In Tom’s interview, he tells us that a good wingman should be cool, not be a creep, and should build the guy up. Peter is too modest to tell you, but he’s a bonified hero. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. Did I mention he has a great relationship with his mother?

Tom suggests the girls come back to his room. Jax didn’t think they were really bringing them back. One of the girls asks if they’re celebrating something, or just having fun. James says it’s his three and a half weeks sober party. Jax tells Beau that he’s not telling them what to do, but this is putting him in a tough situation. Beau says it’s just for Peter to have a good time. Jax tells Beau that he’s sweating, and asks if he’ being a baby. In Beau’s interview, he says, Jax looks like a reformed junkie in a crackhouse. Jax tells Beau that he’s in a good relationship, and he’s trying to be the person Brittany wants him to be. This would be a step back. Peter says they’re going back to Tom’s room.

The room is more like a suite, and absolutely gorgeous. The Toms go, ohm-m-m with their foreheads touching. Jax thinks this is a bad idea. He’s calling Brittany. He doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus, but knows Brittany would be uncomfortable with him in this situation. Tom says he brought supplies, and he’s making cocktails. In his interview, he says, some people travel with stuffed animals; some people travel with baby bottles, referring to Scheana and Lala, respectively. He travels with a bar kit, so he can always be ready with a good cocktail. James gets music going. Everyone, except James, drinks, and they dance.

The girls play Never Have I Ever. Schwartz says Katie texted she misses him, and he texted back he misses her too. In his interview, Schwartz says guys trips have gotten him into trouble in the past. He nearly ruined his relationship with Katie because of one. There’s one rule that should be glaringly obvious – don’t black out. He’s got this. Carter texts Kristen, telling her that James showed up. She says it makes her sad. She wants to go home, but he tells her, relax. In her interview, Kristen says, James gets his job back, then weasels his way back in with her friends, and now he’s near her boyfriend. It’s the poison icing on the sh*t cake. In Tom’s room, everyone does model walks. James announces the winner of the fashion walk-off, hotel room edition is Schwartz. Peter disappears with one of the girls. Jax tells Beau to come out on the balcony. Beau calls Stassi, but gets voicemail. Tom brings one of the girls out. Schwartz doesn’t know if it’s the old make out slut him, but he thinks these are situations he needs to avoid. It feels dangerous, and he kind of wants to run away.

Jax tells Beau to call Stassi one more time. He gets through, and she’s with Brittany. Jax says they’re still at the party. Peter met some random girls. They came back to the room, and he and Beau wanted to tell them. Brittany asks if he’s saying there are ho’s in the hotel room. Jax says they both feel uncomfortable. Stassi says, it’s guys’ night. Tell them go TF home. She’ll tell them. Beau says he and Jax are bonding over it. In Stassi’s interview, she says that the one who cheated on every girlfriend is the one Beau is bonding with and feels safe with. She feels super comforted. Brittany says the girls aren’t staying. They need to talk to them. Tom sprays champagne all over the place. Stassi says it’s inappropriate. The see the party, which is on the verge of drunken mess, and Stassi says they’re out of their effing minds. Byesies. Jax doesn’t know if he feels better or not.

The girls go to a very casual bar, possibly the hotel lobby. Lala says, at this point, they’re all babysitting Kristen. Trying to get a drunk Kristen to sit in a chair is impossible. They order water, and Kristen wanders outside. Lala is worried, and follows, asking where she’s going. Katie doesn’t know what’s going on. She said, come here, and Kristen was fighting her on it. Lala asks Kristen, what’s wrong? and tells her to come back inside. Ariana suggests she have some water. Kristen tells her, chill. She thanks Katie for being an a-hole. Katie says she’s not making sense. What happened? Things were fine a second ago. Kristen says Carter is telling her what’s going on; stop interrupting. Katie tells her, sit down, and Kristen moves away, falling over a table. Katie says, here we go. She’s a mess. She tells Kristen, go to bed. Kristen says Carter is texting her about the boys, and telling her what to do. Katie gives up; clearly there’s no helping at her at this point. She tells Kristen to go. Kristen leaves, and Lala says, that was trashy.

Katie says Carter is calling the shots about what Kristen is supposed to do. She thinks she should call Schwartz, and find out what happening.

Katie asks where Schwartz is, and he says, the staycation. She asks who’s there? He says the guys, and Peter met some random girls he invited up. She says it’s supposed to be guys, but he promises it’s fine. She tells him, find out what Carter texted Kristen. He says he’s scared; don’t make him do that. Katie sighs, and says, put Carter on the phone. Schwartz calls Carter over, saying the girls are upset with him or something. She says there’s a situation with his girlfriend. She’s being an embarrassment. She fell over a table, and ran out the door. She’s effed up, and she was talking about him texting her crazy sh*t. She wants to know what’s going on. Carter asks Jax, what’s going on? and Katie says she’s asking him what he texted Kristen. Carter says, nothing. In her interview, Katie says she just told him that his girlfriend fell over a table. Can he give a flying about it? She says she can see the texts on Kristen’s phone later, or he can tell her now. She’s good at this. He says he didn’t say anything bad, but Katie says Kristen freaked out, and ran out of the hotel. He says, don’t worry about it. He’ll take care of it. Ariana asks what he means by take care of it? Beau says they’re the good guys. At least he is.

Katie tells Brittany and Stassi what happened. Scheana says if they trust their guys, why are they worried about it. Scheana asks if James was there, and Katie says, yes. Ariana thinks they should stop acting like James has power over everybody. They have no idea what set Kristen on a spiral. Katie thinks Carter isn’t good for her; they’re miserable. Stassi says there are always problems. It’s not about Kristen’s traveling issues. We see clips of Kristen telling the girls about Carter being a bad boyfriend. Katie says, she’s not happy. Stassi says, he doesn’t pay for anything. Carter literally does nothing. She says that wasn’t her place, and now she feels weird. Everybody knows it, but no one says anything. That’s what Kristen is so upset about. It would be different if she was paying for everything, and he was nice to her; or if he’d go to couples therapy, but he doesn’t want to. Stassi thinks any man who refuses to pay rent or anything else is a bad guy. In her interview, Stassi says, Kristen’s anger is misdirected. She doesn’t care about James. He’s a convenient excuse to mask her issues with Carter that she refuses to face.

Next time, Lisa says James has way bigger problems than coming back to SUR, Stassi tells Kristen that Carter doesn’t treat her well, and Lala wants to take a break from Randall.

👠 While We’re On the Subject…

LVP news. First, a sad farewell.


Her RHOBH status.


Her RHOBH regrets.


And her RHOBH struggles.


🏆 Congratulations – You Did It…




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