April 1, 2019 – Peter Fesses Up, Vanderpump Rules Mexico, a Lisa Laugh, Finale Letdown, After the Reunion, Camille’s Bunny in Vegas, No Wives Allowed & Some Glitter


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Sonny and Carly visit Lulu. They want to check on Dante and see how he’s settling in. Sonny asks how Dante is doing, and Lulu says, Dante is gone.

Franco sees Doc being led into the courtroom. They look at each other. Doc says, it’s been a while, and Franco says, sure has. Doc is sorry they can’t speak privately, but he regrets what Ryan put Franco through. Franco says if he regrets what other people do, he’ll have a lot of material to work with. Doc should regret what he did to him.

Alexis sees Laura in the hospital waiting area. She has the papers. Laura’s marriage to Doc is dissolved as soon as she’s ready to sign.

Nina asks what Maxie and Peter are up to. Maxie says they ran a DNA test on her and Sasha. Nina asks why? and Maxie says they wanted to be sure Sasha was really her daughter. Nina says, she is, and tells Maxie to open it, so they can see the results. Valentin frowns. Sasha looks nervous.

Sonny asks where Dante went, and Lulu tells him, he didn’t say. Carly asks, what’s going on? and Lulu says Dante told her that he needed go away, but didn’t know for how long. He needs to fix himself. Sonny asks what he meant, but Lulu doesn’t know. Whatever happened when he was undercover, he feels like he’s no longer in control, and could be dangerous somehow. Sonny says Dante seemed wound up, but he didn’t notice anything. Then again, they were always in the middle of something dangerous in Turkey. When they came back, he noticed something was bothering Dante, but he thought Dante was adjusting. Lulu says, that’s what she thought, then suddenly he was talking about leaving. Carly says she’s sorry. Lulu says, when she saw him, it was like waking up from a nightmare. He was home, and they could put all the bad behind them. She should have known better, and feels stupid, thinking they could pick up their lives like nothing happened. Rocco comes out, and asks if Lulu is mad. He thought she’d said everything was okay.

Valentin tells Maxie and Peter that it’s an exercise in futility, proving what’s already been proven. They have the results. Does it prove otherwise? Maxie says, the test shows that Sasha really is Nina’s daughter.

Doc tells Franco that he’s sorry. He understands Franco feels betrayed. Franco says that’s because Doc betrayed him. He has something to say without steel bars between them. He trusted Doc. He knew Doc wasn’t a friend, but least thought Doc was a concerned party, and thought Doc was looking out for him. Instead, it was a way to help his crazy brother. He neglected to say he was hiding his serial killer brother, who framed Franco for his crimes. He murdered Kiki, and enjoyed it, bastard that he was. Franco says he’s done with Doc, and therapy. And even if he’s not done with therapy, he’s done with Doc. Doc should never try to help anyone again. Franco leaves, and Elizabeth says she’s sorry that happened. Doc tells her, don’t be. He’s alone in this, and has no one to blame but himself.  Lucy joins them, and says he’s not alone.

Alexis tells Laura the original divorce is null and void, since Doc’s signature was forged, and she signed under duress. She says divorce is no-fault in their state; both parties leave with what they came in with. Is she okay? Laura says she is, and sits. Alexis asks if she’s having second thoughts. Laura doesn’t know if she can trust again. Doc withheld something for months, and it had devastating consequences. People died. She doesn’t know how to reconcile that with the fact that she still loves him.

Doc asks what Lucy is doing there, and she says he’s her best friend. Where else would she be? He says, no one else came. He’s surprised she doesn’t hate him too. She says harboring and treating Ryan in secret wasn’t his finest moment, but she never thought of friendship as fair weather. If that was the case, she wouldn’t have any friends. She wasn’t as involved in the Ryan situation, but knows from experience, that sometimes you can make the worst decisions based on the best intentions. She thinks maybe that should be the title of her memoir. She’s not turning her back on him, now or ever. He thanks her, and she says he didn’t make it easy. She called everyone, and none of them were representing him. He says finding a lawyer was tougher than he anticipated. No one wanted to touch his case, so he brought in a lawyer from out of state. Lucy says, they better be good. He says he hears they’re one of the best. Nora Buchannan comes in, and introduces herself.

Rocco says Lulu told him that dad was home, and everything would be okay. Lulu says he has every right to feel scared, hurt, or anything else he’s feeling. Rocco wants his dad back. Sonny says he’s sorry Rocco’s dad isn’t there, but does Rocco want to show him some skills with the gaming system Sonny got him for Christmas? He and Rocco leave the room, and Carly and Lulu go into the kitchen. Carly asks what Lulu needs, but Lulu says she’s fine. Carly says she’s not fine. She knows Lulu is holding it together. Lulu says she’s not falling apart. She didn’t the first time, and won’t now. The silver lining is that she and her mom can be there for each other. Her husband is gone for she doesn’t know how long, and her mother barely recognizes hers.

Laura tells Alexis the fact is, Doc was treating his brother in secret for so long. He knew he was doing something wrong, but she wants to know what he thought permitted him to do that. She wants to understand. Alexis says she’s not in a position to judge Laura. Her marriage to Julian, and it’s downfall, is well-documented.  Laura guesses there are parallels. Alexis says Julian withheld that his sister was alive, and hurt a lot of people, including her. Laura asks if Alexis was able to forgive Julian, but Alexis says, no, she wasn’t.

Doc tells Nora, pardon the cuffs, but she says she’s used to it. He asks how her trip was, and she tells him that she’s here to provide a service for him; his concern for her has to take a backseat. She tells the guard she wants to speak to her client in private, and he lets them into the empty courtroom. Lucy follows them. Doc says his colleagues speak highly of Nora, and Lucy says she knew that she recognized Nora. She’s the one who was on TV, defending that whack job, Olivia Jerome. Nora says that was her, and everyone deserves a defense. Lucy hopes she was well paid.

Valentin asks why anybody is surprised. He had two separate DNA tests done by Curtis, using two different independent labs. Did they think he wasn’t going to make sure the results were irrefutable before he brought them to Nina? Nina asks what they were thinking, and Maxie says she owes Nina an apology. Nina says she owes Sasha one too, but Sasha says they were just looking out for Nina. Nina asks why they questioned the original test results, and Peter says, because the found out Obrecht was holding something over Valentin.

Peter says Valentin intervened when he wanted to press charges against Obrecht. Valentin says he did it for James, and to keep their family intact. Peter says he did it because of Maxie. Valentin wonders how this also raised the possibility that he’d produced a fake daughter. Maxie says they didn’t want to see Nina hurt. Nina says she is – by Maxie. Peter says the test didn’t tell them what they already didn’t know, but Nina says it told her that Maxie went behind her back to order a test Nina didn’t ask for or want. Does Maxie think she can’t make her own judgments? Can’t she be happy? Does Maxie have to be the one to decide if she’s happy, or her daughter is real? Maxie says she’s so sorry, and wants to make it up to Nina. What does she need? Nina says she needs space, and leaves. On the side, Sasha asks if Valentin wants to tell her what all that was about.

Lucy tells Nora that she didn’t mean to sound judgmental. Everyone deserves a defense. She introduces herself, and Nora says she makes a valid point. Everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty. In Doc’s case, he was trying to do good, and it backfired, but he has the benefit of not being present during Ryan’s reign of terror. A lack of intent on his part can be clearly seen. Margaux comes in, and she and Nora introduce themselves. Margaux says she should have realized that the case was high profile enough to draw a high profile attorney. She asks where Nora is from, and Nora says Llanview; it’s near Philadelphia. Margaux says she’s always been a Pine Valley person herself. (Ha-ha-ha! Not only a nod to All My Children, but Elizabeth Henderickson, aka Margaux, used to be on AMC.) Margaux steps away, and Doc tells Nora that he thinks she’s misunderstanding. He retained her in the hope of negotiating a more lenient sentence. He’s pleading guilty,

Sonny says Rocco is way too good at this game, and asks if he’s not a challenge. Rocco says the game is fine. Sonny asks if he misses his dad. Rocco nods, and Sonny says, so does he. He wishes he’d had the chance to say goodbye. Rocco says if he had, maybe his dad would have stayed, but Sonny says, no. His dad left because it was the best thing for him to keep them safe. He had to get help, so he can be a better father to Rocco and Charlotte, and a better husband to their mom. Rocco wishes his dad was better now. Sonny says his dad would want someone to take care of Rocco’s mom. Does he think he can handle that while his dad is gone? Rocco smiles and nods, and Sonny says he’ll back him up.

Carly tells Lulu that Doc is partly to blame, but Lulu says when she was doing research, she discovered that Ryan was a master manipulator. No doubt he worked Doc the same way he worked all of them. They can point fingers, but at the end of the day, the only one who’s a guilty party is Ryan Chamberlain himself.

Lucy tells Doc, absolutely not. Doc says he hid the truth, and had Ryan secretly committed under an alias in the hopes of rehabilitating him, and people died. Lulu nearly died. He has to take responsibility for his actions. Nora says, his actions, but not Ryan’s. There are loopholes they can exploit, and she’s confident she can get the sentence reduced. If he pleads guilty, he’s at the mercy of the court. It won’t bring back one person. The bailiff calls the court to order. Nora asks for a brief continuance, but the judge says, it’s an arraignment, not a trial. She asks if the DA is ready, and Margaux says, yes. The judge says, The State of New York versus Kevin Collins. The charges are obstruction of justice, and aiding and abetting a known fugitive. Does he understand? He does, and she asks how he pleads.

Elizabeth suggests she and Franco go home, but he wants to punch a wall. She knows he feels awful. He says he’s used to that, but he feels like a fool. Doc tricked him into telling his secrets, and he was an unwitting accomplice to him rehabilitating his brother. Elizabeth says Doc did do Franco some good. Franco asks if she’s defending that bastard. Seriously?

The judge asks Doc for his plea again, and he says, not guilty. Nora requests that her client be released on bail. The judge asks if the state objects, and Margaux says, it most certainly does. Nora says he’s not a danger to anyone, but Margaux says he was able to keep a fugitive hidden. He has the means and persuasive skills to flee the jurisdiction. Nora says he’s freely cooperated with law enforcement. Sitting behind them, Lucy wiggles around, waving her hand like she knows the answer to the teacher’s question. She asks if she can say something, and Nora asks if she can have a character witness before the bail decision. The judge allows it, and Lucy comes forward.

Lucy says she’s the former CEO of Coco Cosmetics, and is now a real estate agent. She babbles about the Nurses’ Ball, and says she just wrote a book about Port Charles. She can get the judge a copy. Nora coughs, and Lucy says what she needs to tell her honorship, is that she’s known Doc well for a long time. She was married to him twice. He’s goodness and graciousness personified. If you fall down, he picks you up, and gives a supportive ear to anyone who needs it. In context, he never runs, and is a champion for what is right. He understands this is serious, and he’s not going anywhere. He’s going to stand and fight. He’s not a flight risk, but if it eases her honorship’s worries, Lucy would be happy take him into her own custody. The judge tells Doc to surrender his passport, and sets bail at $150K. Margaux says she’ll see them in court. Nora and Doc high five.

Alexis tells Laura that Doc and Julian aren’t cut from the same cloth. Doc is kind and decent by nature, and Julian is Julian. Laura doesn’t know what to do, but Alexis says, there’s no timetable to mending a broken heart or signing the documents. She tells Laura to take her time. It will be fine whether she signs or nor. No worries. Laura thanks her. Alexis starts to go, but Laura’s phone dings, and she asks Alexis to wait. There’s something else she’d like help with.

Sasha tells Valentin that he should have explained things to her, but he says the result would have been more questions. He asks her to excuse him, and leaves.

Peter asks Maxie if she’s okay; Nina was tough on her. She doesn’t blame Nina. If the positions were reversed, she’d feel the same way. She says it’s still important to know the truth, and can’t say she’d do it different. She thanks him for his help. He says they made a good team; wrong conclusions aside. She says they did, and he guesses it’s over now. They’ll back to their own lives. She says he’s right. She’ll see him around. He starts to follow her, but then stops. She goes into the elevator.

Nina ponders in her office. Valentin comes in, and asks if she wants space from him too. She wants to ask him something, and he says, ask away. She says Peter said Obrecht was blackmailing him. He asks what does she think? and Nina says he’s been treating her differently. He let her crash their engagement celebration. She thought he was making an effort, but is Obrecht holding something over him? He says, yeah.

Elizabeth tells Franco, she’s not defending Doc, but what he did doesn’t negate their work. He can be mad – she is – but don’t throw away the progress he and Doc made together.

Nora says it could have gone either way. Lucy thinks her wonderful testimony had everything to do with it. Doc says she’s a good friend. She means world to him, standing by him. Lucy says she has some arrangements to take care of, and steps away. Nora thanks Doc for taking her advice. Falling on his sword wouldn’t do anyone any good. He says a lot of people suffered, and he thought it would bring closure, especially to his wife. Nora says, but he chose to fight. Despite his martyr act, he knows he doesn’t belong in prison. She asks if she’s still on retainer. He says she is, and she says she has to settle the bail. The bailiff says it’s been paid. Doc looks at Lucy on the phone.

Carly tells Lulu to call if she needs support. Lulu says Dante didn’t leave on a business trip, and she has no idea if he’ll come back. Carly understands, but thinks he left to keep them safe, and thinks he’ll be back. Lulu says he told her not wait. She said she’d wait forever, but the fact that he said that… Carly is so sorry. Sonny comes out, and says Rocco is tired of beating him. He’s ready to go to sleep. Carly says they can stay, but Lulu thinks Rocco has the right idea. Enough for today. Sonny says she can count on them, and they leave. Lulu tells Rocco it’s past his bedtime. Rocco knows he’s not a baby, but she can tuck him in, right? She says, of course; she’ll be right up. When he’s gone, she sits on the steps, and tries not to cry.

Nina asks Valentin what he did. He says he doesn’t know how Obrecht got the information, but she knows Nina was the one who injected Cassandra with a fatal dose of opioids. Nina asks how she knows, but he says, it doesn’t matter. She says, it does. She had Obrecht’s back when she kidnapped Peter, and set fire to the stables. She had Obrecht’s back the entire time, and now she’s using something Nina did to blackmail him? Why? He can’t answer that, but Nina says she will, and starts to walk out. He says, don’t.

Valentin tells Nina that he thinks Obrecht may be bluffing. She hasn’t asked for anything else since she got the job. She got what she wants. She loves James, in her weird way cares about Nina, and right now there’s peace between them. Nina says, let sleeping dogs lie? He says, right. There’s no telling what Obrecht will do if cornered. He’ll be keeping an eye on her. He’s sorry. Nina tells him, stop protecting her, and he says, as if that would happen. She doesn’t like that he did this, but it makes her love him even more. She kisses him.

Sasha orders a vodka on the rocks, and wonders what Valentin did. Peter approaches her, and apologizes. He says they didn’t mean to imply she’s a con artist. She knows they’re trying to protect Nina, and she’s grateful. Nina is an incredible woman. Peter tells the bartender to put it on his tab. It’s the least he can do. He says he’ll see her around. She sips her drink, and tells the bartender that she’s going to need another.

There’s a knock on Lulu’s door. It’s Maxie, who says, that settles it. She was wondering if she was spending too much time with Peter. She looks at Lulu, and asks, what’s going on? Lulu falls into her arms, crying.

Carly tells Sonny that she didn’t want to say anything in front of Lulu, but she and Jason saw Dante earlier at the MetroCourt. A waitress dropped tray, and he freaked. She’s no expert, but it looked like PTSD. Sonny isn’t surprised. He had a sense Dante was struggling. He wishes Dante had come to him, but he’s doing what has to, to protect his family. He can’t say he’d do different. Carly says, in some ways, they’re nothing alike, but in others, they’re the same. Does he think Dante will find his way back home? Sonny says, he’s too much like his dad not to.

On the phone, Lucy says, fantastic. It’s a win-win. Ta! She tells Doc, it’s all settled. Doc thanks her, and she says, for what? He says she posted his bail, but he’ll pay her back. She says she didn’t. Her book is doing well, but she hasn’t made that much. As much as she’d love to be his angel, she didn’t post bail. He says, if it wasn’t her, who did?

Laura thanks Alexis for helping her with the transaction. We see the bail receipt on her phone.

Todd thanks Elizabeth for putting his head back on straight. She asks if he still wants to punch a wall, but he thinks he wants to go home instead. Alexis sees them, and says she was going to call. Franco says, this can’t be good. She says it concerns them and Laura. She needs them back for a meeting on the tenth floor. Laura says, everyone? She says, it’s a long list. It’s about Gail’s bequest to the hospital. Her final instructions will be announced then.

Tomorrow, Epiphany tells Elizabeth that they’re a team, Bonnie tells Felicia that she was expecting her, and Lucy tells Doc this is where he’s meant to be.

Vanderpump Rules

We backtrack a little. Schwartz says, so much for vacation sex, and Katie says he sounds like a d-bag. In the next room, Tom tells Ariana, it sounds like vintage Schwartz and Katie. Katie curls up on the bed. Schwartz tells her that she’s a naturally contentious person; just say she’s upset. She does deserve love. She says she’s felt left out of his life, and he wishes she’d just said that and not been aggressive. He doesn’t care about first class, and she says she doesn’t either. He gets it. It’s not about the seat on the plane; it’s about their relationship. In his interview, he says if he’s learned anything, it’s don’t take the upper hand. He spoons her, and they apologize. He says she’s important to him, and she says he’s got to let her know that.

Back at SUR, candles are lit, and Lisa arranges flowers. Puffy! Chef Joe comes out, and says he’ll make her a special dinner. Her phone rings. It’s Tom, who tells her that they just got to the hotel, and it’s spectacular. She tells him, have a laugh and have fun. When they get back is when the work is going to start. In Lisa’s interview, she says she appreciates his interest, but he needs to relax, and let her fine tune everything. She’s got this. She tells him to take one of Kristen’s chill pills. He says if she has any, she doesn’t take them. Lisa says she’ll text him every hour. He says, every seven minutes, and she says, goodbye.

Kristen insists this will be a freak-out free vacation. Rooming alone might be the key.

Stassi says it’s the first trip where she’s had a boyfriend along who wanted to come. Scheana and Lala get ready to go out. Scheana asks if Lala is drinking tonight. In her interview, Lala says, after losing her dad, she was a hot mess. Her mind is in a more positive space now, and she feels she can have a few drinks. She wants to celebrate. Scheana says, you do you, and Lala says, exactly right.

The group gathers for dinner at a table on the sand. Brittany tells Jax that she feels fine, even though technically, she’s not supposed to be drinking at all. He doesn’t want her to, but he’s not telling her what to do. She’s a big girl. Stassi says tonight, the girls are skinny dipping. Tom makes a toast. He appreciates their support, while he and Schwartz went through the creation of TomTom. He’s arranged for them to have ATVs tomorrow. They’ll end up at a nice waterfall. Kristen wants to make a speech, and says she’s not throwing a drink on anyone tonight. We flash back to her dousing James. She thinks the best thing to do is drink, but not get hammered. Then you don’t fight with people. Stassi whispers to Beau, if they get married, Kristen is not giving a speech. In her interview, Stassi says, Kristen giving a speech on moderation, is like Scheana giving a seminar on how to be single and not need a man. Stassi talks about other vacations, and last year’s pillowgate. We flash back to that. Jax says he still believes what he said, and explains how the pillows were wedged. Stassi says somebody probably wanted to sit there, not have sex, and he says that’s her opinion. In Scheana’s interview, she says if Kristen was hearing this, she’d probably break Jax’s nose, and toss him in the ocean. Britanny says, no way does he believe that, but he says, on his father. The food comes. I look at my bowl of chicken soup, and sigh.

Tom asks if Schwartz and Kate are good. He and Ariana heard them arguing. Geez, does no one have a filter or even just a sense of appropriate timing anymore? Schwartz admits he checked out of the relationship while they were putting TomTom together, but wishes she’d have come to him instead of doing the passive/aggressive thing. Lala says, you can’t change the way a person is. Ariana asks if Lala wants grab a drink at the bar. In Ariana’s interview, she says Lala has been lashing out since her dad died. She understands, but it’s not okay to hurt others because you’re hurt.

Ariana tells Lala that she’s worried Lala’s aggressiveness is going to reflect on her, and the customers will see. She could lose her job. Lala says she can’t have people saying she’s using her dad as an excuse without seeing red. Ariana says she told Billie that she looked boring, after all Billie has been through. Lala says she’s not going to take someone being a bitch to her without being one herself. She’s not sorry. In Lala’s interview, she says you’d think Ariana would understand the most about what she’s going through. Her family has one less family member, and they liked that family member a lot. Ariana tells her some of the things she says are low blows, but Lala says, they low blowed her. Ariana says, the year her dad passed away, was when Kristen said Tom had cheated with her. We flash back to a million years ago. She says she had people calling her a homewrecker, but she held her sh*t together so hard. Lala says, that’s not fine. Ariana can’t expect for her to not rip people’s heads off when they come at her. If they had been friends back then, she’d have ripped heads off for Ariana. There’s not a right or wrong way to grieve. Ariana suggests, if Lala is seeing red, and they’re in the same room, to seek Ariana out and alert her. Lala agrees, and in her interview, Ariana is cautiously optimistic.

Brittany says, let’s go party! In their taxi, or limo, or whatever it is, Stassi asks, who’s going to the beach? and Tom says, whoever isn’t going, can come to his room and party. Back at the hotel, they all get together before splitting up. Jax holds up a pair of flippers, and tells Tom that he doesn’t need them; they’re $500. Katie finds out that Stassi went back to her room because she was tired, and says, being tired so three hours ago. In their room, Beau says he thought Stassi was skinny-dipping with the girls. She should have fun. In her interview, Stassi says, even though it was her idea, she wants to skip it, and go to bed. Mr. FOMO wants stay and party. They’re having the same fight they has before. We flash to Stassi’s birthday. Katie calls Stassi, who’s changed her mind. She’s at the elevator. Beau says she’s making it big, and it shouldn’t be. They join the others. Stassi and Beau kiss.

Schwartz asks Beau if everything is okay, and he says Stassi was just drunk and being a brat. Tom says, just go have fun. They’re on vacation. Beau and Schwartz hug. Schwartz says that Jax once told him Stassi admitted to being the devil. We flash back to that. In Jax’s interview, he says Stasi needs to have control. When she doesn’t, she goes crazy. In Tom’s interview, he says, FOMO… an insatiable longing to be everywhere with everyone, having all the fun. We go back to Jax, who says …alienation, disappointment, anxiety. Tequila can help... Tom says, tequila’s not for everyone. He lists some bad decisions that can be made after drinking tequila, and we see clips of him making them. Ask your bartender if tequila is right for you. FOMO hurts. Tequila can help.

At the beach, Stassi says everyone needs a partner. Ariana sits on the sidelines. She’s down with getting naked, and down with the ocean, but she’s not down with being naked in the ocean. I’m not sure why she thinks being in a swimsuit would make you less vulnerable, but okay. In her interview, Kristen says she’s clumsy all the time. She’s like a baby giraffe. Inanimate objects make her fall, and waves move. In his room, Tom farts on the other guys. Vacation excitement abounds.

In Stassi’s interview, she says she doesn’t know why it happens, but sometimes she turns when she’s drinking too much. She’s not self-aware enough to pull herself out, and gets stuck in the upside down. She tells Beau that she wants to sleep with him, and adds that she’s been the least drunken brat ever. Progress.

The next day, the group goes to get the ATVs. Tom calls himself the Mad Max of Mexico. They put on hardhats, split up into three groups, and drive off. They drive through a gate, and Schwartz says they’re going to Jurassic Park. Not really, but there are cows and donkeys. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he and Katie have no lingering resentment; it’s refreshing. He thinks vacation sex is back on. They get to Rancho Something-or-Other, and it’s gorgeous. They climb around near a waterfall, and some of them go into the water, and I’m jealous AF. Scheana wanted to send a butt picture – I assume to Adam – and Tom came up with the idea of a Lara Croft pose. Although I don’t see Lara Croft as posing for a butt pic. Kristen tells Stassi that she, Katie, and Schwartz were terrorists this time, and she doesn’t forecast a meltdown. In her interview, she learns to say, I’m a butterfly in Spanish. Jax is by himself in the water, and Stassi asks if he’s sulking. He looks like a sulking mermaid. He says he has something to tell her. He still has feelings for her. She tells him that he’s lame, and he starts laughing. He thinks she should cut Beau some slack. Her other boyfriends deserved it, but not him. He has a man crush on Beau, and tells her to pick and choose her battles. Stassi says that’s the best advice he’s given her. In her interview, she says after ten years of being a caveman on spring break, now Jax is waxing poetic. She hates saying it, but he’s not wrong.

The girls get together, and Lala passes out baby bottles, with God only knows what in them. Kristen’s has a giraffe on it. Scheana tells Kristen that Jax brought up last year, and still believes Kristen and James hooked up. He was going on about the pillows. Kristen thanks Scheana for telling her. In Scheana’s interview, she says now that she’s friends again with the girls, she knows what they like. Kristen likes to know if anyone is gossiping behind her back. She needs to know the time and place, or she’ll freak out. Lala says she would flip her sh*t. Scheana says Kristen is doing better on this trip. Kristen says she’s not speaking of this person. Lala tells her, clearly, something is being said, and it’s not okay.

At TomTom, Lisa instructs Chef Bryan on one of the dishes. In her interview, she says, vision has to come from passion, especially with the menu. She’ll put on an apron if it’s needed, or if flower arrangements are needed, she does it, or put on a hardhat. If the toilet needs to be cleaned though, she gets Tom to do it.

The group goes to dance club Zoo, which, as you might think, has an animal theme. It looks pretty cool, and they wear light up crowns. In her interview, Lala says, she has no regrets. She either doesn’t drink at all or gets drunk. Tonight, she’s getting effed up. Jax dances in a cage. Kristen says can barely hear herself think, and needs to squash things with Jax now. If she keeps drinking, she’ll lose her sh*t. They go outside, and she says she was told he was talking sh*t about her. He says, who cares? and she says she does. Not too self-centered of a response. That reminds me of when I lived in an apartment, and my male neighbor knocked on the door. I said it wasn’t the time, since I was in my bathrobe, and he said he didn’t care. Um… I did. Jax says if he roles were reversed, he’d be okay with it. Kristen says she didn’t do all that. She made a couple of stupid mistakes. Everyone gets second chances, so why does she keep suffering? In Kristen’s interview, she says the guys have effed up more than everyone – we flash back to too many instances to count = but somehow they get more sympathy. Himpathy.  She tells Jax that it’s like he thinks she’s not any different than she used to b. He says he thought maybe she wasn’t happy in her relationship. He wasn’t, and that’s what he did. Omg. I hope Jax sticks with the therapy for Brittany’s sake. He’s obviously still pretty self-centered. In her interview, Kristen says she’s tired of everyone looking at her like crazy Kristen, when she’s worked hard enough to make her just Kristen.

Scheana made a joke to Adam, and she’s annoyed AF that he’s not responding. She looked hot in the photo, and she’s not sending them if he’s not going to tell her that. In her interview, Lala says, when they were in Mexico last year, James was at the DJ booth. He’s not there, and it’s time for people to hear good music. She gets up there, and the others go on a balcony to dance. Except for Stassi, who’s wearing Spanx under a minidress. Beau keeps pushing her to go, and she tells him to stop. In his interview, Beau says they’re in Mexico to have fun. Don’t just sit there. It’s the whole point of vacation. She tells him that he’s taking the fun out of it for her. She has to pull herself out of a bad mood. In his interview, Beau says everything will be great, then she suddenly does a 180.

Things are rocking at TomTom. The bartender took a picture of the line outside, and sends it to Lisa, who sends it to the Toms. Lala dances in a cage. Schwartz shows Tom the picture. In his interview, Schwartz says they built it, and they have come, and they’re not even there to see it. Tom tells everyone about the line. In Tom’s interview, he says they’ve been open for a few days, and it’s going well, but tonight it’s not just well – it’s a hit. He says, let’s effing party, and they clink glasses.

Two hours later, Ariana is on the floor, swimming. She says Lala has her phone. She’s ham sandwiched. In her interview, she says tonight is a blur. She remembers bits and pieces. Lots of tequila, a dance off with a gorilla, Lala’s ass everywhere. Was Jax riding a donkey? (Looks that way.) Lots of kissing. She thinks she kissed Kristen, and definitely kissed Stassi. She doesn’t remember much after that. Somehow she made it back to the hotel, but has no idea how she got there.

Stassi needs hangover patch. Beau says he’s good. She says everything about Beau’s energy is moody knows he wants to be out drinking with the guys. In her interview, she says, it’s like he’s her prisoner, and she wants him to want to be her prisoner. Beau says she wanted him to be with her, and put his heart with her friends and job, and he did that. He feels battered. Stassi asks if he felt like that tonight. He says, and last night, and every time they’re like this with her friends. Stassi says, every time? That’s unfair. At 3 am, he just wants go out, and not be with her, when she wants to go to the room. She doesn’t want to be with someone who still wants to party at 3 am. In her interview, Stassi says a normal, well-adjusted boyfriend isn’t going to want to stay out until 5 am, sh*tfaced. She doesn’t want him to feel like she’s making him do things he doesn’t want to do. They have everything going for them, and this little thing could be explosive. Where they’re so different, it’s scary, and she’s not going to sleep alone.

Beau says for the first time, he knows he’s put all of his heart and effort into a relationship. He’s solid gold with her. I’m not sure what that means, but I do think he’s good to her and for her, and I’m always terrified they’re going to break up. Because I have no life. In his interview, Beau says they have the same fight over and over and over again. It’s massively frustrating to be treated like he’s going to cheat, when nothing happened. He says she’s his heart and future. Don’t treat him like that. He’s not Patrick. He gets weepy.

In her interview, Lala says she struggled with anxiety in the van on the way home. She had a panic attack. We see a clip of that. Once she got back, she was fine. There was more alcohol, so that helped. In Tom’s interview, he says for most people, it would ruin their night, but Lala puked it out and she’s rallying. The girls go in the hot tub, once again with Ariana – still wearing her crown – on the sidelines. Katie tells Tom and Schwartz to bring them something good. Ariana says a million people are going through what they’re going through. Tom drops a couple of glasses, and says, rookie mistake. Schwartz says he expected more from him. Ariana tells the girls, let those people go through their journey. In Schwartz’s interview, he says drunk Ariana is amazing. He rarely sees this side of her. He has no idea what she’s talking about. Ariana says, each person has their own timeline. Schwartz says, it’s like she invented her own drunken language. He tells Tom that he’s becoming desensitized to boobs.

Stassi tells Beau that she’s seen family members divorce, including her parents. Everyone screwed each other over, and she can’t handle being screwed over again. She repeats, I can’t, like, ten times. He asks if he’s showed her anything, and she says, it’s not about that. In her interview, Stassi says there were warning signs in the past. She saw Patrick only once a week, and Jax was DM-ing chicks. If she’d been more aware, she might have saved herself from getting hurt so much. Beau says she’s putting dark sh*t on him, and he doesn’t deserve it. In Stassi’s interview, she says, just because you’re with someone who you know won’t hurt you, doesn’t mean the past things don’t count. Beau says if she can’t figure out her sh*t… How can they have future if she doesn’t trust him?

Next time, Schwartz gets romantic, Raquel has a puppy shower for her dog, Lisa tells Billie to have some manners, and Billie stomps off, proving Lisa’s point.

🍸 Instead of the usual Watch What Happens Live – which is on hiatus until next week – tonight we got treated to The Best of Vandepump Rules. Which was basically a bunch of clips from when various cast members were on the show, plus some added clips from the after-show. No surprise, I loved seeing Lisa. Giggy! When a viewer asked if there’s drug testing for employment at SUR, she said, yes, and if they don’t have any, we give them some. I literally lol’d.

🙅 Maybe It Was Me…

I was tired, and forgot to mention it last night, but I kind of thought the Walking Dead episode prior to the finale was more finale worthy. It was shocking, and gruesome. Somewhere between the Game of Thrones episode when Ned Stark got his head lopped off, and the Red Wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it. What’s not to love about zombies popping out of the snow? And Negan starting to become an antihero is intriguing, but the tail end with Alpha gave me the mehs. Maybe it’s because I’m not that impressed with her leadership. I actually like Beta more. Carol and Ezekiel splitting up was also a bummer, making me wonder if the characters can ever be anything else. Like the Slenderman movie, I can’t tell you exactly what it was, but I wanted something else; something more.

⚡ A Restaurant Divided…

Like this is a huge surprise. And where was Ariana? The picture accompanying the article is fabulous though.


🐇 A Bunny!

Making Camille even cooler.


 It Never Stopped Them Before…

Although I guess it’s mostly Kristen who keeps showing up where she’s not invited. More points for Camille.


😸 Just Foolin’…

I wrote the lyrics to this.





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