April 9, 2019 – Two Plans Are Hatched, LVP Celebrates Her Birthday Without Kyle, Tanya Has a Breakdown & Morning


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Sonny introduces himself to Neil, and asks if he wants coffee. Neil just wants to know what he’s doing there.

Chase and Willow go to The Floating Rib. He asks if she’s sure she’s okay. She seems quiet. She says, other than DOD members, she’s never shown anyone else the tattoo. He’s glad she trusted him, and she says he needs to understand how insidious DOD is. Michael joins them, and Willow asks if his little sister is still involved with DOD. He says, she’s getting in deeper. He’s tried to reconnect with her, but it’s slow going. Willow says his sister is in more trouble than he realizes.

Sam goes to the attic, and looks in Harmony’s bag. She sees the tool roll, and looks through it. She says, someone’s getting a tattoo.

Shiloh greets Harmony, and asks if she’s met Kristina. She says she has, and prepared her for the ceremony. He asks if she played nice, and she says, of course. Kristina is a perfect candidate for the Trust. He’s glad she approves. Kristina also introduced her sister, and said Sam is a devoted student. He says, she’s learning. He asks if the supplies are ready in the attic, and Harmony says she’ll show him.

At the hospital, Curtis asks Jordan how dialysis went, and she says, it was a super-hot session. He says he should be jealous, and she says he might have reason to be. All of a sudden, she feels lightheaded. Curtis asks if she’s okay, and she collapses in his arms.

At The Floating Rib, Ava thanks Felicia and Laura for meeting her. She wants to discuss the problem they have in common – Ryan Chamberlain.

Curtis gives Jordan some water. She wants to get moving, and he says she just fainted. She says she was lightheaded; it can happen after dialysis. He wants a doctor to check her out, but she says she just needs to recover from the never ending calls from Margaux. Curtis says Margaux is relentless. Jordan says she chose to answer the calls, and chose to keep arguing about it. Curtis asks, about what? and she says Margaux closed the case on Ryan Chamberlain.

Ava says Ryan is MIA, and Felicia agrees he might still be alive. They need a plan of action. Laura wants to wait for the lab report to see if he was alive or dead when his hand was severed. Ava says, he probably chopped it off himself. Felicia wouldn’t put past him, if it would make the cops think he was dead. Ava says, he’s hiding; biding his time. Felicia says, he’ll wait. Give them a chance to get back to their lives and get complacent. Then he’ll come back for what he wants. Ava asks what Felicia thinks that is, and Felicia says, Ava.

Sonny tells Neil to have a seat. Neil is aware of Sonny’s reputation, but Sonny says the meeting has nothing to do with business; it involves a family member. He has a contact in security screening who said Neil has the expertise he’s looking for in rescuing people from cults. Neil asks what’s happening, and Sonny says, his daughter, Kristina. Jason says she’s heavily involved in the group Dawn of Day. Sonny says he needs Neil’s help to get her out of there.

Shiloh tells Harmony, before they go upstairs, he has good news. He found her. Harmony says, omg; where is she? He says, here in Port Charles. She’s been there for months. Harmony says she had no idea, and Shiloh says, obviously. Harmony asks if he’s seen her. He says, yes, and Harmony asks, how is she? He says, she seems well. As beautiful as ever. The only difference is, she changed her name. She goes by Willow Tait.

Willow tells Michael that she wasn’t entirely honest about her involvement with DOD. She used to be a member. She wasn’t even twenty, and it was the biggest mistake of her life. Michael asks why she left, and Willow says she knew she had to. He asks for specifics. Willow hesitates, and he says, Molly thinks Kristina has been brainwashed. Anything she can tell him would be helpful. She says, it’s hard to say. She came to her senses. Chase says Shiloh has been trying to find her since she left. He’s trying to lure her back. Michael says maybe Willow can talk to Kristina, but Willow says, members are taught to be distrustful of anyone who leaves. Shiloh instills intense loyalty, but he’s after more than loyalty. Michael asks if there’s anything criminal, but Chase says, nothing he can be prosecuted for. Michael wonders how he can help Kristina. Willow says if she’s been selected for the Trust, she’ll think it’s an honor to be chosen. Once you’re admitted, the way it’s set up, when you’re in, it’s almost impossible to get out.

Sam takes pictures of the instruments, and packs everything back up. She take pictures of the room. Outside in the hallway, Shiloh tells Harmony they need to focus on Kristina first. Sam hears them coming.

Shiloh and Harmony go into the room, and no surprise, there’s no Sam. Shiloh says, it looks good. The perfect welcome. He hopes Kristina isn’t having second thoughts. Harmony says she doesn’t know Kristina well, but she doesn’t think so. Sam was asking questions though. Shiloh says Sam is protective, but Harmony doesn’t think the words registered. Kristina is so eager, she asked to skip the pre-ceremony reflection. Shiloh asks if Harmony told her it was mandatory, and Harmony says, of course. She asks, what about Kristina’s pledge? and he says, it’s a good one. A truth about her family. It will be useful. Shiloh has to finish the preparations for midnight, and they leave. Sam comes out of hiding, and jets.

Sonny asks if Neil knows how things work at DOD. Neil says he’s heard about the organization, but his work is confidential. Sonny doesn’t care about ethics; he just wants answers. Jason looks at his phone, and has to run. Sonny asks what Neil has heard about DOD. Neil says it meets the general criteria of a cult. A charismatic leader, who gives vague promises of spiritual enlightenment. They’re xenophobic, and don’t trust outsiders. Their legitimacy comes from their leader, so Sonny’s daughter is in a cult. Sonny asks how they help her. Neil tells him, keep an open line of communication. The family needs to let her know they’re on her side. Sonny says they’re past that already. She’s cut ties, and there’s only one family member who has contact; her older brother. Sonny says he’s taking steps to remove her, and Neil says he hopes not by force.

Harmony tells Shiloh that she thinks Kristina will be a valuable addition to the circle. She’s bright, enthusiastic, and good with people. Shiloh says she’ll be beneficial. Now if they can just get Kelly… Willow to come home. Harmony reminds him that tonight is about Kristina. She’s going to prepare a drink to calm Kristina down. They walk to the kitchen, and Sam flies out the door and runs.

Michael asks Willow, what happens in the Trust? She says the member is given more responsibility. Shiloh makes them feel special, indispensable, but he’s just tightening the noose. He assures their loyalty. Michael asks what they have to do to be chosen, but she says, it’s up to Shiloh. He chooses the members, and decides when they’re ready for initiation. Michael asks what’s required? and she says, they’re asked to give themselves over to DOD in every conceivable way. After they commit, there’s no turning back.

Felicia tells Ava, if Ryan survived – and she thinks he did – he’s coming back. He literally can’t help himself. He fixated on her years ago in Texas. She saw him murder his wife, and she took Maxie and fled. He was so infatuated with her, he followed her. He was relentless, and showed up at her wedding to Mac with a bomb. He was sent to an asylum, killed his therapist, and escaped. He could have disappeared, but he came back and kidnapped Georgie just to get her attention. Ava is his new obsession, and she needs to be ready for his return. Ava says, exactly. That’s why she’s here. She needs to know everything about Ryan, so when he comes back for her, she’s ready.

Jordan tells Curtis that Margaux decided to go with the Canadian authorities on this one. She doesn’t want to spend any more time or money searching for Ryan or his remains. Curtis says if he’s still alive, he has no one looking for him. He’s been given a free pass. Jordan says she spent the entire time during her treatment arguing the point with Margaux, and got nowhere. He says, Margaux is wrong on this one, and she says, the cops can’t do anything; so he’ll have to.

Felicia says they need to take action; be in control, and seize the momentum. Lure Ryan back to Port Charles, on their timetable, not his. Ava says, that’s great in theory, but how do they manage it realistically? Felicia says, use Ava as bait.

Jordan says Curtis is the best investigator she’s ever worked with. He’s smart, intuitive, and better at documenting elements than any cop she knows. He hated the paperwork, and she says, the good news is, he’s no longer a cop, paperwork doesn’t matter. She wants him to go to Niagara Falls, and pick up where they left off. Find out who’s seen Ryan or who he’s spoken to. He asks if she thinks he’ll do better than all the professionals have. The case came up empty. She says he gets the kind of intel that cracks cases. She’d do it herself if she could. He says she’s in no position, and she says, but he is. And she needs it for her peace of mind.

Neil tells Sonny that he won’t be a party to kidnapping. Sonny says he didn’t say kidnapping, but Neil says, it was strongly implied. Sonny says, all Neil needs to know, is they’re getting her out. When she’s home, she’ll need to get her life back together. She’s smart, but just got lost. He says, a couple of years ago, his son was killed. He was a lot like Kristina; impulsive and volatile. In the end, Sonny couldn’t save him. He’s not going to have another child dead. He’s asking, please, can Neil help him get his daughter back?

Kristina comes downstairs, and tells Shiloh that she wasn’t sure what to wear. Shiloh says she looks lovely, but there’s a special garment. Another word no one uses, unless they’re in the fashion industry. Harmony says she’ll go get it. Shiloh asks if Kristina is nervous, but she says she’s eager, anticipating. Harmony told her what to expect, and she can’t wait. He heard she wanted to forego the personal reflection. She says she knows she’s ready, but he says it’s important to meditate. It’s the time to make sure she’s clear on devoting herself to DOD. The time to turn back. He wants her to be certain; it’s her choice. She says she is, but he thinks she should still meditate on the gravity of her commitment. Take the time to think. She’s always happy to be enlightened, but he didn’t really explain his part. He’ll be there, right?

Michael says, so it appears consensual, and Willow says Shiloh convinces the member it’s something they should want; an honor. Michael says, technically, no laws are broken. His phone dings, and he has to meet someone. He’s sorry to crash their date. and thanks Willow. He knows it’s difficult, but she might have saved his sister. Willow hopes so. Michael leaves, and Chase tells Willow that it was brave of her to share. She hopes it’s not too late. Kristina is almost totally submerged. She tells Chase that she can’t stand one more minute, and wants to focus on anything else that has nothing to do with DOD. He thinks he has an idea.

Jason meets Michael, and tells him that Sam is meeting them. She got some information on DOD. Michael says he did his best to get Sonny to back off, but they’re wrong. It’s worse than they realized. Sam joins them, and Michael says his friend Willow gave him some information. She was in the circle close to Shiloh. Sam says, the Trust. Michael asks if Kristina is in it, and Sam says, not yet, but she knows Shiloh is planning on initiating her tonight. She shows them the pictures, and Michael says, it’s exactly how Willow described it. Jason says, that’s tattooing equipment, and Sam says, a tangible symbol that you belong to DOD. You’re marked for life, but that’s just the beginning.

Felicia tells Ava, as long as Ryan is obsessed with her, use it. Ava says she’ll do whatever it takes, and Felicia says, lure him back. Laura says she can’t help them. Vigilante justice is never a good idea for the mayor. Ava understands her reluctance, but thinks Laura should leave before they discuss their plan further.

As they put on their skates, Willow says she’d never guess Chase was into roller disco. He says he’s never tried it. The ice skating was such a success, it was turned into a roller rink for spring and summer. She says it’s been a while since she skated. Chase says the last time he skated didn’t go so well. It was a birthday party he went to in high school. He was trying to impress a girl, and started going too fast. He couldn’t stop, and crashed into the DJ booth. She laughs, and he says, it’s not funny. He was called Wipeout for two years. He struggles to stand, and she says, come on, Wipeout. Now’s his chance.

Neil tells Sonny, once there’s an exit, the process has to be challenged. They need to show Kristina that her decision making process has been compromised, but she’ll resist. Believing her family is key. Sonny says, her mother might take convincing, but she’ll come around. She wants Kristina out like he does. Neil flashes back taking to Alexis saying Kristina’s father is impatient. He wants to get her out now, and deal with the psychological ramifications later. He’s prepared to kidnap her. Neil tells Sonny that Kristina is fortunate. Not everyone has the same level of parental involvement. With prior exits, there hasn’t been great success. Followers are taught to resist outsider’s opinions, and anyone who criticizes the principals and teachings. Sonny asks, will he help? Neil says his last exit therapy ended badly. He doesn’t think he’s the right person to help Sonny’s daughter.

Sam tells Jason and Michael that she overheard Harmony talking about how Kristina pledged to give Shiloh something. It’s about the family. Michael asks who Harmony is, and Jason says she’s Shiloh’s number two, and in charge of Beechers Corners. Sam says she’s there for Kristina’s initiation. Michael tells them that Willow said Shiloh chooses the criteria for the pledge, but didn’t tell them anything specific. Jason asks how Kristina is. Sam says, she’s excited to be part if Shiloh’s inner circle, and Michael says, she has no idea what’s coming.

Shiloh tells Kristina that he doesn’t participate in the actual ceremony. She thought since DOD was his vision, he would. He says, the Trust is a community within the community. It’s a special sisterhood, and she needs to bond with them. They’ve gone through the ritual already, and will welcome her into their company. She says, so he has no part in the initiation? but he says he never said that.

Felicia tells Ava not to let Laura’s goody-goody mayor act fool her. Laura is the real deal. Laura asks what they have in mind. She’s not committing; just asking. Felicia says, Ryan’s Achille’s Heel is his pride. He can’t stand when someone beats him. Ava says he lost it when Franco went public with his fake confession, and took credit for his genius. Laura says, when he held them in Ferncliff, Doc manipulated him by pointing out his mistakes, and it caused him to make more. Felicia says it was the same with her and Mac. Ryan lost all his common sense trying to tear them apart. Ava asks if Felicia is suggesting she find a new man and flaunt it. Felicia says it would infuriate him, and motivate him to come back to claim her for himself.

Curtis asks if Jordan wants him to head up to Canada and do a comprehensive search. Jordan says it’s the only way to know if Ryan survived. He says his wife is having a health crisis, but she says it was just dialysis. He says she lost one kidney, and the other is compromised. He needs to be there; he loves her. Jordan says she understands, but he’ll need more than that to get her to take it easy for the foreseeable future. She needs to rest up. If Ryan survived, and is heading to Port Charles, she needs to be ready. He says, gearing up to do battle with a serial killer isn’t resting. He might have to tie her to the bed. She says only if she gets to tie him up too. Her phone rings. He tells her not to answer if it’s Margaux. She says it’s the forensics lab. The results on Ryan’s hand are in.

Sonny says Neil is an expert at exit therapy, but Neil says there are other experts. He can give Sonny a referral. Sonny says he doesn’t need a referral. He can tell Neil is smart and perceptive, and he doesn’t want to waste time. He understands what Kristina is going through, and has the skill to help her. Neil tells him flattery isn’t going to help, and Sonny tells him to name a price.

Shiloh says after she’s welcomed to the Trust, he’ll complete the initiation. Kristina asks how that works, and he says she’ll find out when she’s ready. She’ll have hours to tell him all about what happened in her own special way. She can’t wait. Harmony brings her the garment for her initiation. Shiloh says he forgot; he doesn’t have a picture with Kristina. He asks Harmony to take one. She tells them, smile and say Dawn of Day.

Michael tells Sam and Jason, the honoree is left alone for fifteen minutes to reflect on their commitment. Shiloh makes a big deal about it being the final offer to back out. Jason says so he can’t be nailed for anything illegal. Michael says, he’s not there for the tattoo part, but afterward, he welcomes the honoree into the Trust by having sex with them.

Laura thinks baiting Ryan is practically suicide, but Ava says justice for her daughter is worth it. Felicia says they’ll have a safeguard, and Laura says, what kind? Say they’re right, and Ryan is coming back for Ava. If he believes she’s happy with her new man, he’ll be in a jealous rage. What’s to stop him from killing the two of them? Ava pats her bag, and says she has a handle on it. Felicia says, it’s risky, but if he’s out there, they need to stop him. Does Laura have a better idea?

Jordan tells Curtis that Ryan was alive when his hand was severed. Curtis says, the injury could have killed him; he could have bled out. Jordan says, or survived.

Willow tells Chase she had so much fun, and he lived up to his name. He says, the humiliation was worth it. He got to take her out. They kiss.

Sonny tells Neil, once Kristina is out, he can step in. Neil says he hasn’t agreed, and Sonny says he’ll pay whatever Neil wants. Neil says, it’s not about money. Sonny says, it’s about Kristina’s life, future, and freedom. She’s made mistakes, and this one could take her down. She needs to get her head on straight. Can Neil help her? Neil agrees, and says once Sonny has her away from DOD, he’ll step in. They shake hands, and Sonny thanks him. Neil says to let him know when he’s needed.

Michael says he has to tell Kristina, and Jason asks if he thinks it would change her mind. Sam says, not at all. Kristina is honored. Michael says if he can’t convince her, they’ll have to take her. Jason says he’ll handle it. It’s better Kristina be mad at him. It will give Michael room to help her. He’s going to talk to the bartender and establish an alibi. He leaves, and Sam says they have to hurry. Kristina is being initiated at midnight.

Shiloh leads Kristina is to the attic. She goes inside, and says, it’s amazing. She had no idea what was up there. Shiloh says only members of the Trust are allowed to see it, and soon, she’ll be one of them. He brings out a sheet, and says he’s transferred her pledge to print for her to sign. She says, like a contract? but he says, more like a safeguard; in case something happens to the recording. Kristina hopes he put it away for safekeeping, and he asks if she’s questioning the ritual and her commitment. She says she’s committed, and signs. I’m thinking she should be committed. Shiloh says, very good, and takes the paper. Kristina wants to make him proud; repay him for everything he’s given her. He strokes her hair, and says she’s such a special person. He tells her, enjoy the ceremony, and leaves. She waits and smiles, but her smile looks a little hesitant.

Tomorrow, Maxie asks Peter if he’s staying or going, Chase has something he hopes Willow is into, and Jason says he’s getting Kristina out.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I’m bummed before the show even starts, and oh great, we see part of the fight again.

24 hours later. Kyle tells the others (minus LVP and LisaR), they won’t believe what happened. She went to LVP’s because she felt bad. As a friend, she couldn’t say LVP wouldn’t do this. LVP wants her to swoop in, but when it comes not telling truth, she’s not willing to do that. In her interview, Kyle says she thought the issues with LVP were over, until Dorit found the article online. Immediately, the women assumed LVP was behind the story. As her friend, Kyle felt awful about the conversation behind LVP’s back. We see clips of that conversation. Kyle tells them that she wanted to tell the truth, and lay everything on the table, but it was angry and hostile. Ken said he hoped she’d told the others it wasn’t true, but she said she couldn’t do that. He said she wasn’t his or LVP’s effing friend, and to get out. Throughout her story, we keep flashing back to this total downer. LVP told her there was nothing left to say, and asked her to leave. She could have said she was sorry Kyle felt that way. Anything but this. Erika says, that’s not friendship; that’s bullsh*t. Zzzzz… Erika. I’m tired of her acting like she knows everything because she’s a C-list celebrity who dances around in spandex, and is moderately successful because she has the bucks and is on this show.

We see pink roses at Villa Rosa, delivered for LVP’s birthday. Giggy! Giggy licks tea from Ken’s finger. LVP doesn’t think Ken ever lost it like that. She tells Ken that kitchen designer Steven is coming. She asks why Ken looks worried, and wonders if it’s the expense or the thought of them not living with a cooking facility. It’s going to be more expensive than she told him, and he says he knew it would be. Steven arrives, and says he has good stuff to show her. LVP makes tea. In her interview, she says it didn’t feel right to have a big birthday celebration, since losing her brother. Ken and Pandora are throwing her a surprise party, so she’s just going along with it. She shows Steven a locket the kids got her, with pictures of them, Ken, and Nanny Kay. In LVP’s interview, she says she’s taken a lot of stuff from Kyle. We flash back to Kyle wondering who Nanny Kay is, and LVP says, it’s the little things like that, that hurt. She asks Steven when they’re starting. She wants a transformed space, and wants it fresh, bright, and positive. He shows her a cabinet door, and says they still need to hit the stone yards for options. She quite likes the countertop material. Steven says, it will be a lot of white; she’ll have a lighter, happier kitchen. In LVP’s interview, she says she hasn’t had a good time in that kitchen lately. Kyle was aggressive, and she wants a new beginning, and to create something gorgeous. She tells Ken the kitchen has a negative vibe, and she wants it gone.

Kyle meets Mauricio for dinner. In her interview, she says their date nights have changed over twenty-five years. It was all about the kids, then business, and now it’s where do they see themselves in ten years? Mauricio asks how her day was, and she says she likes to have a lot of balls in the air. He says he had a great day, meeting with amazing developers. A waiter grates truffles on the pasta, and Kyle finds out they’re $3K a pound. She tells Mauricio, a few weeks ago, she woke up thinking things felt different. There’s been a shift in energy. Mauricio says, things can’t be perfect all the time. She knows there have been problems here and there, but this feels sad. She still hasn’t spoken to LVP. Mauricio says they were such good friends. Kyle feels horrible, and still loves her.

LVP tells Ken she doesn’t want love like that. She wouldn’t love someone who she thought was manipulative and a liar.

Kyle tells Mauricio the only reason there’s an issue is because she didn’t stand up and say LVP wouldn’t do this. Mauricio is shocked at how Ken spoke to Kyle, and says, it’s unacceptable.

LVP tells Ken that he came on strong. He agrees, and says when Kyle picked on her, he saw red.

Mauricio tells Kyle that she should stand up for her friends, but at the end of the day, she has to be true to herself. In Kyle’s interview, she thought she and LVP were in a place where they would never fight again. She hates the bad feelings. She tells Mauricio that LVP holds friendship as a ransom. Mauricio says, she’s always been like that. Kyle feels sad.

LVP tells Ken, she can say she’s hurt, or that she doesn’t like what Kyle did, but she’s not going to stand there and say what an effing bitch she was. Oops. She just said it.

Dorit experiments with smoothies for PK, with help from PK’s assistant Sadie. In her interview, Dorit says, PK was diagnosed with diabetes before they met. It’s been a daily struggle. She tells Sadie, if PK doesn’t change his lifestyle, it will become irreversible. He can’t wrap his head around it being a serious illness. We see clips of him stuffing his face and drinking like a fish. She wants him to be able to enjoy what he eats, and he can, as long as it’s balanced. She and Sadie puzzle over the bullet blender. Sadie turns it on and runs. Dorit can’t shut it off, and Sadie ends up pulling the plug. They make a smoothie, and Dorit is the tasting guinea pig. In her interview, she says she’ll try anything to trick PK into eating healthier, but this is the most disgusting smoothie she’s ever tasted. If she can’t swallow it, there’s no way PK will. She tells Sadie that she feels like she’s drinking… Sadie says, compost?

LisaR, Denise, and Erika go to a flying yoga session. In her interview, LisaR say she’s game to try anything. Maybe she’s going through a midlife yoga crisis. Denise and Erika don’t five a f***. Those are her kind of people. Mine too, but I’m sticking with just Denise. The instructor explains how it works. They hang upside down, and LisaR asks if it hurts their Botox. In LisaR’s interview, she says it’s absurd, but it’s not like she hasn’t been upside down with her legs spread before. Well, maybe not upside down. They right themselves. In Denise’s interview, she says she’s up for any type of exercise, but she doesn’t get this or what it does. It’s one of those weird LA classes. The instructor congratulates them on their first inversion. Erika gets stuck. You’d think she’d be the one who could do it with all the jumping around she does on stage. In her interview, she says she will not be incorporating aerial work into her show.

Erika says she had a great time at the wedding. Kyle told her that she was going to see LVP, and LisaR says Kyle claimed it got heated, and they threw her out of the house. In LisaR’s interview, she says she’s seen Kyle and LVP fight and come back together tons of times. It must be devastating for Kyle. To be kicked out of the house is pretty major; a whole other level. LisaR wants to get together for Denise next Friday, since she couldn’t be there. Erika has rehearsal, and can’t make it. She’s excited the tour has sold out in Chicago. In her interview, she says, when you find out people are hungry for you, you want to go everywhere you possibly can. Forget your families; you’re on the road, so merry Christmas. Denise can’t wait to see her show. Erika says she’s welcome to jump on the tour.

Aaron puts up security cameras. Denise says now they can see if people sneak in or out. In her interview, she explains that Sammie is in high school, and that’s when kids start sneaking out. She started at fifteen. She’s putting up cameras, so they can catch her. She tells Aaron, at least they’re honest. They could have hid them. I don’t think I ever snuck out, but I didn’t always go where I said I was going. They do some barbecuing, since they’re flying solo tonight. Denise likes hanging out with Aaron. She feels badly for Kyle, and asks Aaron if women fighting is weird. Men are different. He says they just take it outside, and she says women go on and on and on. In her interview, she says, Aaron is a great sounding board for girl talk. He actually listens, and gives good input. She asks him if she should talk to LVP, and he asks what she wants to achieve by getting in the middle of it. She says her experiences with LVP have been lovely, and she’s been kind to Eloise. Aaron says it’s tough be in her position. They just met, and LVP appears to be nice. Denise says she doesn’t want to get on LVP’s bad side. If she did this, she plays dirty. In Denise’s interview, she says she’s encountered dirty players. At the time, she kept her mouth shut, but in hindsight, she’d fight fire with fire. Aaron says LVP will probably call her. If the opportunity presents itself, okay, but whatever happens, speak her truth. She says when she talks to LVP, she’ll see where it goes.

In her interview, Dorit explains that PK has type 2 diabetes, but is on the cusp of going into type 1, which is more serious and irreversible. She tries desperately to get him to eat healthy, but it’s virtually impossible to get him to eat vegetables. She’s trying to undo his lifestyle for something healthier. She checks his blood, and says, it’s 318. PK jokes that he’s close to a diabetic coma, but Dorit doesn’t think it’s funny. She can’t get through to him. In Dorit’s interview, she says he’s an impossible patient. He brushes it off, and says he’ll do it tomorrow, and it’s frustrating. If she saw anything was registering, she would feel hope. Jaeger asks Dorit to take the dill off his cracker or whatever. She tells PK there’s been no communication with LVP. He wasn’t aware they’d fallen out, and she says she wasn’t aware either. She has no idea where LVP’s head is. PK says she didn’t ask him to come to her birthday. Why didn’t she invite anyone? Dorit can’t answer for her. In her interview, once again she says she didn’t do anything wrong, and I scream in my head. PK says, when LVP is ready, she’ll tell him the way she feels. Dorit says LVP will get to the point when she wants talk, and when she does, Dorit will be ready and available. Until then, she’s getting on with life.

Teddi meets LisaR for lunch. Teddi says she’s been super busy. She’s started falling asleep giving her daughter a goodnight kiss. LisaR misses those days. She says, they go by fast, and then they tell you, get out. The others are joining them, but Denise is stopping for a drink with LVP before she comes.

Kyle calls Denise, who says she’ll be late. She’s meeting LVP at TomTom. In her interview, Denise says, like Aaron said would happen, she heard from LVP, who asked her to stop by. Kyle says it’s her birthday celebration. Denise doesn’t know if she can help smooth things over, but she’s willing to give it a shot. Kyle doesn’t know if LVP will respond, but asks Denise to tell her happy birthday. She hasn’t heard from LVP, but maybe Denise can bridge the gap.

My brain shorts out when I see Schwartz and Tom on the wrong show. It’s not computing. In Denise’s interview, she says her experiences with LVP have been lovely. She wants to be there for her. She doesn’t want to confront LVP, but wants to listen to her.

Teddi asks if LisaR has talked to LVP, and she says they had a little text. She’d tweeted a birthday tweet. We see a picture of her hands showing off cupcakes that have pills for decorations. In her interview, LisaR says it’s become a running joke for her and her family about her bag o’ pills. It started with LVP and Dorit. We flash back to them joking about her pill bag. She says everybody thinks it’s funny because she’s not a pill popper, and if she was, it wouldn’t be funny. People pointed out that it might not be funny because of LVP’s brother dying, and when she thought LVP might take it another way, she sent a text saying it was a joke. LVP texted back that she was glad it wasn’t intended another way because of her brother. LisaR tells Teddi that she didn’t know he died the way he did. Really? Because I did, and I’m not even part of their group. In LisaR’s interview, she says people told her it was in poor taste, and she was like, oh no. Teddi says she’d never think that, and thinks LVP knows that. LisaR says her sister died of an overdose, and she’d never make a joke about it. It’s a very sensitive subject, and understandably so.

LVP asks Ken who he invited, and he says nobody who will upset her birthday. LVP says it’s a sad situation. Kyle should be coming; they’ve celebrated every birthday together. We flash back, and I feel sad all over again. Ken says he’s not letting anything ruin it, so he couldn’t include Kyle and Dorit. LVP says she’s happy without them, but doesn’t look happy.

Kyle arrives at Beauty & Essex, and joins Teddi and LisaR. She complains about the traffic Dorit is next, and IMO, looks absolutely stupid with her boobs practically falling out of her dress, the neckline is so low and wide. It’s like something a Kardashian would wear. In her interview, LisaR says, Dorit looks good, but obviously, that gets a no from me. On the other hand, when Camille arrives, she looks adorable in a romper that’s age appropriate, or at least for the age she looks.

Denise waits at TomTom. In her interview, she says she’s waiting for a drink with LVP before the celebration. Guests are guest arriving, and she feels awkward. Some dude talks to her. She has no idea who he is, but she’ll talk to anyone in a bar. At least he’s being nice to her.

The girls order, and ask Camille about her upcoming wedding. In her interview, LisaR says she didn’t invite anyone to her wedding who made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. We flash back to Camille saying that about Dorit. LisaR wonders, who the eff does that? She asks if Kyle has talked to LVP, but she hasn’t. LisaR says Denise is meeting her for a drink, and Dorit wonders why Denise got invited, and not them. She’s known Denise for ten seconds. Maybe so, but Denise is cooler than all of the rest of them put together.

LVP arrives at TomTom. She greets a few people, including a lady who’s been carrying around a dog that’s really too big to carry around. Giggy! In her interview, Denise says she feels sad for LVP. She’s putting on a happy face, but she knows LVP has to feel sad that the other women aren’t there. Denise gives her a gift bag, and LVP asks if she wants to stay. Denise says she has another dinner; otherwise, she would. Maybe they can have lunch next week. In her interview, Denise guesses LVP forgot, but she knows there’s a lot on her mind. Denise says she knows about the discord, and LVP says it’s devastating to her. She doesn’t want to drag Denise in. Denise knows she feels… LVP says, attacked?There’s a pause, and LVP thanks her for coming.

Denise joins the girls. Kyle asks how married life is. Denise says everything is good, and thanks LisaR for putting the dinner together. She apologizes for being late. Kyle asks how LVP is, and Denise says, happy her friends and family are there. She told LVP that she wanted to get together for lunch. She doesn’t know her that well, and they have no history. She mentioned that she sees there’s discord, so she’ll see if there’s a way to mend it or not. In Kyle’s interview, she says not speaking to LVP, and not spending her birthday with her is weird. They’re always together. Dorit doesn’t understand why LVP is upset with everyone.  LisaR says she has no beef with LVP. Kyle says they were all talking until she went to the house; then everyone got cut off. In her interview, Dorit says when LVP is feeling hurt, she pushes everyone away. She’ll speak to them when she feels they’ve been appropriately punished. Denise thinks she was hesitant to talk because all of her guests were right there, but she seems to be doing okay. *See below for LVP’s explanation.

Giggy! LVP greets Kevin Lee and Mohamed Hadid. I guess she and Mohamed mended fences. Max says he heard she was having trouble with her friends. LVP asks who told him, and he says, Pandy. She doesn’t want to talk about it, and Pandora says she can count on them. LVP asks if Max isn’t working tonight; he must know the owners. JohnS tells her that they have something prepared for her. Maybe involving a stripper. Several servers come out with sparklers, followed with a cake carried by half-naked dudes. She says, thank God they have trousers on.  She thanks everyone for caring. It’s been a tough year this year, and she hopes for a better one. She loves them, and their friendship means everything to her. She thanks them for being there, and says, now, let’s party.

LisaR toasts to Denise and Aaron, and many happy years together. Kyle says, and the next bride. They toast to Camille. She says she doesn’t even remember being in bed with Kelsey. It was never that hot and heavy. She did learn a lot because of him, but the love petered out at the end. We flash back to how he screwed her over, and her saying the other woman doesn’t know she destroyed a family. Denise likes how Camille said, petered out; she’s using that. Kyle loves when Camille gets like that. We flash back to her saying Kelsey was a terrible kisser. In her interview, Kyle says it’s entertaining when Camille gets on a roll. You never know what will come out of her mouth. Denise suggests Camille have another drink. They discuss man-grooming, and Camille says she used to be a dental assistant, so she’s particular. She says before LVP got her teeth redone, she told her that she needed new caps; her gumline was receding.  In her interview, Dorit thinks Camille should zip it. In Teddi’s interview, she says she has issues with LVP, but this kind of talk is next level, and there’s no going back. Camille says she’s going down. Just bring her casket to the wedding.

*On Watch What Happens Live, LVP (a solo guest) explained that the reason she pushed away from all of them was because Kyle told her they all felt that way. While I’m on the subject, Andy is also starting to grow a beard, and no. Just no.

Next time, a surprise shower for Camille, LVP helps demo the kitchen, Lois is in town, and Camille and LisaR tangle about Judge Cavanaugh.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Tanya is freaking out, naked in the street. Lushion tells Natalie to call 911. Randal comes out and says, she’s in psychosis. Tanya says she won’t stop following her. Randal asks, who? but Tanya doesn’t know. He asks if she likes red; it’s a pretty color. She says she does, but then starts making rhymes. She tells him, all God’s children go to heaven. Dogs too. Randal asks if she’s ever had a dog, and she says she has, but the weeping willow tree killed him. He says she must be cold, and she says her skin is fur and warm. He asks if he can put a blanket on her, saying the elk in Yellowstone need covers. He puts the blanket around her shoulders. She accepts it, but then yells, no, no, no! and runs home.

Natalie asks Lushion, what’s going on? He says, it’s some kind of breakdown. He’s going to call the station, and have them do a welfare check. Randal says he’d better hurry, and Natalie says, like he cares. He says he doesn’t. She tells him, show some decency, and he asks, what’s that? He sees Alex is home, and says he’ll come by tomorrow after work to see the baby. She says, okay, and he tells her, wear something sexy. She goes back inside. Lushion starts walking toward Tanya’s house, and Natalie asks where he’s going. He says he’s waiting for the medic, and Natalie asks, what if she has a gun? He tells her, go in the house, but she doesn’t like this. He says, he need to help, but she tells him, let the professionals do it. He says he is one. Natalie thought she was off when they met her. Lushion asks if Natalie knows her name, and Natalie says, Tanya. She lives with her husband; he’s a firefighter. Lushion asks if she’s seen him in uniform, and if he works for Maxine. She asks why he’s interrogating her. She’s not one of his suspects. He tells her, go in the house.

Tanya’s husband pulls up. Lushion tries to get his attention, but he says he has to check on his wife. He runs inside, and Lushion tells Natalie, it looks like they have some new neighbors. Natalie says one is crazier than this a-hole, indicating Randal. Eddie drives up, and she says, even worse. Eddie walks toward Lushion, throwing money in the air, and telling Lushion to buy some rounds. Lushion and Natalie walk back to their house, and Eddie struts over to Alex’s place. She tells him, get away, and he asks, where’s Brad? She says he’s not there, and the kids are sleeping. She tells him to go home to his wife, but he says she hasn’t talked to him for years; he has no home. He sticks his foot in the door, but she says she’s not letting him in. He says she’s his cousin, and she says, go to hell. He tells her that he needs to use the bathroom, and asks where Brad is again. They trade insults until Alex finally tells him to move his foot. He says he needs to take a piss, but she doesn’t care. She pushes him out, and closes door.

Eddie goes over to Randal’s house. He says, this SOB, and pees on Randal’s lawn. I guess he wasn’t kidding. He walks around the yard, peeing, and up onto the porch. That Tyler Perry, always full of surprises. I can’t say I’ve ever seen this before. Randal opens the door, and asks why Eddie is there. Eddie says he’s taking a piss, and Randal says, get off. Eddie says, when he’s done, and moonwalks backward while peeing. I’m dying laughing. Randal throws water at him, and comes down to the lawn. He tells Eddie that he has no idea what’s coming for him. He heard what Eddie did with Larry. Eddie asks if she said how much it turned her on, and Randal says Larry didn’t mention that. Eddie says, she should have. Randal asks how much Eddie knows about Larry, and he says Larry is a punk, like Randal. Randal says he’s going to enjoy this. Eddie has more than met his match. The difference between them is that Larry is smart. He’s looking forward to this. I am too, and it’s probably the first time Randal and I will ever agree. Eddie says he lives for this. Randal tells him, enjoy his last days. Even pussy… cats like Eddie only have nine lives. Eddie says he runs this junk, and Randal wonders how well a lion does in the ocean against a shark. Eddie says any time Randal wants to dance, let him know. Randal can’t say it’s been nice knowing him, but he is saying, clean this up.

Ben tells Tanya to take her pills, but she refuses. He says she told him that she’s been taking them. What is she doing with them? She says she has been, but won’t take the one he’s trying to give her. He tries to force it into her mouth. Outside, Eddie hears them yelling, and runs over. He bangs on the door, says, police, and comes in with his gun drawn. He asks if Tanya is okay. She says she is, and he asks if Ben is hurting her. She says, yes, and Ben says, she’s mentally ill. He just made her take her meds. He tells Tanya to let Eddie know she’s okay. She toddles off to the bedroom, and Eddie says, one more word, and he’s taking Ben’s ass to jail. He closes the door and lowers his gun. He asks what Ben is doing. He heard her screaming. Take a sock, and ram it in her mouth so no one can hear it, or he’ll have all kinds of cops here. He doesn’t want that. Ben asks if he’s serious, and Eddie says, shut a bitch up, or everyone will hear his business. Ben says, it’s not that, and Eddie says he’s been there before. Ben asks again if he’s serious, and Eddie says, dead serious. He shakes Ben’s hand, and says, shut the ho up. Don’t make him come back. He leaves, and I’m guessing Ben is sorry he ever moved there.

Natalie asks if Lushion thinks it’s drugs, but he says, no. It looked like something else. She hopes Tanya isn’t dangerous. Lushion says he’ll keep an eye on her. His phone rings. He wants to ignore it, but Natalie tells him to get it. It’s Ian, who wants to talk when Lushion gets off work. Natalie suggests Lushion invite him for dinner, and Ian in says, okay. Lushion asks Natalie why she wants him to come over, and she says she wants him to help Kelly. Lushion says she’d better convince him. She turns her back to him, but he says she’s not sleeping now, and kisses the back of her neck.

At their apartment, Marcie asks Brad if he’s working today. He says he’s stopping by the house for Alex to sign the divorce papers first. He doesn’t think there will be a problem. She says that’s better than Randal. Brad asks how she got him to sign them, and she says she’s calling Larry, and asking him. As long as she’s free. Hallelujah! He thanks her for last night. Esperanza calls, and Marcie asks how Kelly is. Esperanza thinks she’s better, but she’s going to try and get more details today. She heard Randal signed the divorce papers, and asks how Marcie got him to do that. Marcie says, it wasn’t easy. Esperanza asks who helped her, and Marcie says, a lawyer. Esperanza says, the one who tied Eddie up? He’s so weird. Marcie doesn’t care; she’s free. Esperanza needs help, and Marcie asks, what kind? She needs to find a way to threaten Eddie; get him to leave her alone. She can’t do this anymore. She’s exhausted. Marcie asks if she wants Larry’s number, and she says it wouldn’t hurt.

Marcie calls Larry, and asks what he did. How did he get Randal to sign the papers. Larry says, it’s done. Marcie says, Ian said he filed them, so it’s legal now? She’s divorced? He says she doesn’t have to worry, and she says Randal is mad as hell. Larry says, he’ll calm him down. He thinks knows Randal pretty well. Marcie says she didn’t know Randal was into… Larry says, Randal had quite a past. She says, like what? Like what he did to Eddie? Larry says, something like that. She says, S&M? Larry says, that’s on him, not Randal. She says, not that it matters, but she would have liked to have known. Larry says she can trust him. Her ex was a bit of a swinger. Marcie says, whatever Larry did, she thanks him. He says it was the least he could do. She hopes it doesn’t come back to haunt her, but Larry says, it won’t. She tells him that she has a friend who needs legal advice, and she’s going to give him a call. She thanks him again. She looks at her empty ring finger.

On the phone, Randal asks what do they mean, telling him it’s filed. What if he didn’t know what he was signing? He says, go to the judge. What if his attorney tricked him into signing. It’s his word against the judge’s? Go to hell. He calls Larry’s office, and says, bitch, you know who this is. He calls all the time. Hello? I die laughing for the second time.

Alex and Natalie see the kids off at the bus stop. Natalie asks how Alex is, and Alex says, okay. Alex says, Justice looked okay. She asks if he knows, and Natalie says, no. He keeps asking to talk to her though. They’ll have to tell him something, but they’re waiting to see that Kelly is doing better. She asks if Randal is still bothering Alex, and Alex says she’s going to let him see the baby. Natalie asks if she’s sure, and Alex says, no, but she has to keep the peace somehow. Natalie says they’ve been over this, and Alex says she’s going to do another test. She doesn’t want to talk to him, but it’s her mess. She tells Natalie that Brad is asking for a divorce. She knew that was coming, and she’s not fighting it. She’s so tired of fighting. As long as he takes care of the house, kids, and everything else. Geez. She’s not asking too much. Good luck with that. Natalie is sorry, and Alex says, it’s amazing how one mistake can change your entire life in such an awful way. What can you do? Natalie says, deal with it. Alex says that’s what she’s going to do. Natalie asks if Alex saw Tanya, and Alex asks, what was that? Natalie says, Lushion thinks she’s mentally ill. Speaking of which… Ben runs up to them.

Natalie asks if everything is okay, and Ben says that his fiancé told him that she and the officer had helped. He thanks her, saying it’s better than their last situation. Now they have a police officer and psychologist on the same block. Alex says, Randal? and he says Randal talked to Tanya the other day. Natalie tells him, be careful with him. Everybody’s not what they appear to be. Ben says, okay. Tanya said he came by, so Ben figured he’d introduced himself. Natalie says, it may start that way. Alex asks, what’s going on? and Ben says his fiancé is mentally ill. She has to take lithium. If she doesn’t, she has delusions, and isn’t herself, but he promises they have nothing to worry about. Natalie asks if he’s sure she isn’t dangerous, but he says he tries to stay on her. Alex asks how he can tell when she’s not taking it, and he says she doesn’t know until she has a breakdown. He wants to trust her. Alex says she’s sorry, and Ben asks if she’s doing better today. She says she is, and asks how long they’ve been married. Since he’s been saying, fiancé, apparently she’s not listening. He says they’ve been together since high school. She just got sick a few years ago. Alex asks if it came out of nowhere, and he says, her mother had it, but they figured she wouldn’t. Natalie is sorry, and Ben says, just deal with it. Natalie tells him that they were just saying that. Ben gives them his number in case he’s at work and Tanya needs him. Natalie says he didn’t give it to Randal, did he? He says he was headed there next, and she tells him, hold off on that. Ben asks, why? Isn’t he a good guy? Natalie says, hell no. he’s crazy as hell. She lists all his psychoses, and tells Ben to keep his distance. Ben suggests she tell him how she really feels. He says he’ll stay away, and thanks them. He tells Alex that he’s glad she’s doing better, and he goes back home.

Brad pulls up. Alex asks if he wants to come in, and he says, unless she’s signing in front of the neighborhood. They’ll need a witness, and he asks Natalie. Alex says, it’s okay; she agreed to sign the papers. He’s brought a notary with him. They go inside.

Brad shows her where to sign, and I wonder if she doesn’t want to read it. Alex asks if Brad is sure he wants to do this, and he says he’s never been so sure of anything. Alex says she needs to read it first. Thank you. He says all she needs to know is, he’s divorcing her. She says she needs to read it, and he says he’ll wait. She says she needs a lawyer; someone to look at it. He says he’s not messing around, and she says, wait. Natalie suggests giving it a day. Let someone look at it. Brad says, after what she’s done? After everything she’s done, she doesn’t deserve the courtesy.  Natalie says, Ian could look at it; a day won’t matter. She won’t be a witness if Brad won’t let Alex talk with somebody. He says, it’s ridiculous, and tells Alex, 24 hours. Um… that’s not how any of this works. He leaves, and Alex cries. Natalie is sorry, and Alex says, it is what it is. She thanks Natalie, who says she should let Ian look at it. Alex says, okay, and Natalie tells her that he’s coming over for dinner. She can ask him then. She says, it’s going to be all right, and hugs Alex.

Outside Kelly’s room, Lushion asks if Rick was there all night. Rick says he was, and he’s staying there the rest of the day. He wants to be there when Kelly wakes up. Lushion asks, what’s going on? and Rick says he’s doing his job. Lushion isn’t buying it; there’s something else. Rick says he screwed up. He should have taken her more seriously. Lushion says, like when she told him about Travis? Now he’s feeling guilty? Rick says he went to Travis’s father’s church too, and Lushion wonders if everybody in Maxine goes there. Rick says, he’s a powerful man. Lushion says, his son was sick. Rick says he worked security for the church, and has information. Lushion asks if it’s on Travis, and Rick says he’s trying to get proof. The place is locked down like a cult. They’re coming for her; that he knows. Lushion says he needs everything he can get if. If Rick gets any information, he wants to know.

Lushion goes in to see Kelly. She says she slept so long, and he says she probably needed it. She says she doesn’t need to be chained up. Lushion looks around, and uncuffs her. She cries, and thanks him. He says, don’t tell anybody. She sits up, and he helps her out of bed. He tells her, don’t go too far; get her bearings. She asks how Justice is, and if they told him. Lushion says Natalie is looking after Justice, and they didn’t. She can’t believe she’s going to jail for the rest of her life, but Lushion says they’re not letting that happen. She says she told Rick about the chaplain who showed up. She goes to Travis’s church, and said there were other women. Lushion asks what her name is, and Kelly says, Margaret. He says Rick knows someone there too, and he’s working on getting information. He has more good news. Ian is going to rep her. Kelly claps her hands together, and asks if he’s really good. Lushion says, yes, but his partner reps the church. She asks how they can trust him, and Lushion says they’re having him over for dinner tonight. He’ll keep a close eye on him. She says what she wouldn’t give for a good breakfast. Lushion says it’s not a crime; he’ll get her one. He has to cuff her again, but she says it’s her, and where would she be going? He says if a nurse sees, he’ll get in trouble, but he’ll go to the cafeteria and be right back. He tells her, at least get in bed, and cover up. If anyone comes in, they won’t know she’s not handcuffed. She gets in, and pulls up the covers, and he leaves.

Esperanza calls Larry. She says she needs to speak to a good lawyer, and he says, at her service. She says she has a lot of crazy information about her ex, and wonders if there’s a way to get him to leave her alone. Larry tells her, start with his name, and she says, Edward Willis. He says, the officer? The one he tied up? It was of Eddie’s own accord. She knows he’s not into Eddie, but she needs to find a way to threaten him, so she can live her life. She can’t live like this. He tells her, come by the office.

Randal comes out of nowhere, and starts punching Larry. Where is the bitch secretary Randal is always complaining about? Randal is going to ask him one time only. Did he trick him into signing the divorce papers? Larry says he didn’t trick Randal, and Randal asks how he got them signed. Larry says, the situation is completely unhealthy, and Randal says he’s getting Larry’s ass disbarred. Larry tells him, calm down. Randal will thank him one day. Randal asks, why? and Larry says he’s locked in the past. They’ve always looked out for each other. Someone looks in, and Larry says he’s good. Larry say he knows what Marcie had on Randal.  With the emotional distress alone, she could take all that he has. She lost the baby, and was going to come at him for murder. All the pain and suffering he caused her; he’s seen stranger things happen. Randal says, don’t speak to him again. Larry says, don’t do this, but Randal says, never. Larry tells him, he has to let it go; it’s no good. Randal walks out.

Lushion returns to Kelly’s room, saying he’s brought the breakfast of champions, but Kelly is gone. Lushion says, damn it, Kelly.

Next time, Esperanza meets with Eddie; Eddie tells Esperanza if he can’t have her, no one can; Marcie is past done dealing with Randal; Randal spies on Tanya; Tanya doesn’t want to talk to Randal again; and Esperanza asks Larry if he can hire someone to kill him. I assume she means Eddie.

🌅 Get Me Some Glue…

It’s come to this. Up all night and bad jokes.




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