What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Carly sees Michael at the hospital. She was supposed to meet Sonny there, but they had to reschedule. Michael says let him guess; Sonny is with Kristina.
Sam goes to the DOD house. She says Shiloh looks like she feels. He says he didn’t sleep, and asks if she’s seen her sister. She was going to ask him the same thing; no one has seen her. Shiloh says no one there has either. Sam says her mom hasn’t seen Kristina, and when they call her phone, it goes straight to voicemail. She knows she told him that Kristina can be a flake, but now she’s getting worried. Shiloh says they’ll find her together. They take care of their own at DOD.
At Charlie’s, Brad reads to Lucas from Shiloh’s book. All that matters is being present in the now. Doesn’t it blow his mind? Lucas says, mind blown. Brad doesn’t think he’s too enthusiastic, and Lucas says it’s just not his thing. Brad thinks they need to go to classes. It’s energized him. Lucas can see that, and Brad says there are courses for kids. They can sign up for a family seminar. They can bring Wiley. Shiloh loves him to pieces. Sitting at the bar, Willow overhears.
Valentin asks Nora how her visit has been, and she says, brief. Her case wrapped up already, and she’s headed for the train station. Valentin asks if she can stay put, but she says he’ll have to pay a retainer, and it’s gone up. He tells her to name her price. He needs her services again.
Nina walks into her office while on the phone, and finds Spencer in her chair. She asks what he’s doing there, and he asks if it isn’t unpleasant to have an unwanted trespasser in her sanctorum. He says that word is from the Latin. Nina says, get out of her chair; that’s from Nina. He has the same feeling as when he contemplates his exile from Spoon Island – his rightful home.
Franco sees Cameron sitting outside the principal’s office. He’s obviously been in a fight, and Franco asks, what happened?
Jason sees Elizabeth, and says he needs a favor. He shows her the cup, and asks if she can test the residue, no questions asked. He wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, but it’s family. The less Elizabeth knows, the better. Elizabeth says there’s a test that’s not the most precise, but it’s quick. Does he want to wait? He says he owes her one, and she takes the cup.
Michael tells Carly that he knows Kristina left DOD, but doesn’t know where she is. Jason joins them, and Carly tells him that Michael is asking about Kristina. Jason says he got her out before anything happened. That’s what Michael figured, but he wanted confirmation. Jason says, she’s in a safe place, but she’s pretty messed up.
Shiloh gives Sam a giant glass of water, and says he’s never seen her rattled like this. When they spoke this morning, she said there was nothing to worry about. She says Sonny hasn’t heard from Kristina either. It’s one thing for their mother, and Kristina’s sisters not to hear from her, but she’d never flake on Sonny. She thinks something is wrong, and Shiloh says they’ll find her together.
Brad tells Lucas that DOD has volunteer opportunities and workshops. Lucas says he’ll think about it. He agrees that Brad is less stressed; he’ll give him that. And he’s not popping antacids like he was. Lucas goes over to Willow, and says they met a few months ago. He introduces himself, and Brad says it’s crazy running into her there. He thought she was moving. She says her plans changed. She likes her life there too much, and doesn’t want to change it. Lucas says the need good teachers. She asks Brad if the book is good, and Lucas says he lives and dies by it. He’s a real believer. They leave, and Willow flashes back to Shiloh finding her, and saying he can always find her, even if she changes her name. She tells him she wants him to leave, but he says that’s not what he wants. She promised to never leave him, and she broke her promise.
Nora tells Valentin, it sounds like it’s of some urgency. Her calendar is full, but if he’s facing criminal prosecution, she can refer him to an excellent attorney in New York. He says it’s a family matter. She did a fantastic job when he was seeking custody of Charlotte. Nora thanks him, and understands he revised the agreement. He tells her that he and Lulu decided to share custody of Charlotte, for Charlotte’s sake. Nora says, mozel tov, reminding us that she’s Jewish, and Passover is soon. He says that Lulu has gone overseas indefinitely, without even a day’s notice.
Nina is sorry Spencer and Valentin are still at odds. She wishes they could make peace. He asks who she’s kidding. She’s part of it, and it’s on her to fix it. She asks how he’d like her do that, and he tells her, put a leash on Valentin; he’s her fiancé. Nina says he’s assuming she can control Valentin, and he asks what else marriage is good for. She says Valentin feels entitled, as does Spencer. She tells him, stop antagonizing Valentin and making him the enemy,
Cameron says his mom was supposed to come, but Franco says she’s at work, and he got the call. Does Cameron want to tell him how the fight started? Was it about a girl? It’s his shot to tell Franco before he hears it from the man. He’s just trying to help. Too late. The secretary asks them to come into the principal’s office. Franco tells Cameron, let’s get it over with.
Jason tells Michael that Kristina is physically away from DOD, but still connected emotionally. Sonny hired an expert to break the hold. Carly says they’re going to need family to show up, and Michael says he’ll be there. He asks how she is, and Jason says, angry. Carly adds, but safe. He knows how Sonny is. He’ll pull out all the stops to get her back. Michael says Shiloh will still be waiting, but Jason says he’s working an angle to take Shiloh down, and Sam is working another.
Sam suggests calling the cops, but Shiloh says she’s an adult, so they have to wait 24-hours before they can report her missing. He intends to find her before that. He has members out looking, and they can go to the hospital. Sam thinks she’ll do more good there, and Shiloh says, where Kristina isn’t? She says she can search Kristina’s room. Maybe she’ll find a clue. He’s not comfortable with that, and Sam asks if he doesn’t trust her. He does, but Kristina trusts them with her privacy. Sam doesn’t care if Kristina is in trouble. Shiloh agrees, saying it’s better to beg her forgiveness later, and find her now. He asks Daisy to help Sam search.
Jason explains that Sam is sending Shiloh off to search; then she’s going to search the DOD house. Carly says there has to be something there to use against Shiloh. Jason asks Michael if Willow gave him any insight. Michael says, he doesn’t think… and his phone rings. It’s Willow, who says she has to see him immediately about Shiloh.
Nora tells Valentin that Lulu’s departure was abrupt, but thinks when you’re attacked by a serial killer, you deserve a vacation. Valentin doesn’t disagree, but he’s not willing to send his daughter to Paris every two weeks. He’s the de facto custodial parent, and wants to amend the custody order. Nora asks him to clarify.
Spencer tells Nina that he wants to express his concern for Charlotte. He and Laura saw him at GH. Lulu is barely gone, and he wants to cut out Charlotte’s grandmother. Nina says he misunderstood, but he says they both know what Valentin is capable of. Take the blinders off, lady. Nina tells him, don’t lady her, and there’s a binding agreement. He says Lulu changed things when she went overseas, but Nina says Valentin has no problem with Charlotte seeing her grandmother, and will make it happen.
Franco brings Cameron to the hospital. Elizabeth asks, what happened? Franco says, good question, but Cameron’s not talking. Not to him or the principal. Elizabeth tells Cameron to wait for her in the examining room. Franco tells her neither one will say what happened, but the school has zero tolerance for fighting. They’ve both been suspended.
Jason tells Carly, Kristina was obviously drugged. He found her on the floor, with pillows all around. Carly says, he drugs them, and sleeps with them? and Jason says, that’s what it looks like. He found a cup lying next to her. It was metal, with engraving on the bottom; the same symbol some of Shiloh’s followers have tattooed on their backs. He took it to Elizabeth to have it analyzed. He wants to find proof that Shiloh is drugging his followers.
Sam tells Daisy that she’s got this, but Daisy says it’s what Shiloh wants. Nothing is as important as finding Kristina. Sam says they know she has her phone and wallet. She wonders what’s in Kristina’s drawers, and Daisy starts to go through them. Sam says it looks like most of her clothes are there. She must have left with a small bag. Daisy doesn’t get why Kristina left, and Sam says she doesn’t either. She was excited about her higher level of achievement. Daisy says, what a disappointment. It’s an honor to be chosen to be close to Shiloh. No one has ever changed their mind. They know what the consequences are. Sam asks, what consequences?
Michael meets Willow at Charlie’s. She’s glad he came quickly; she was afraid she’d change her mind. She’s willing to talk to Kristina, and share her experiences. Michael knows it’s not an easy decision, and Willow says she has one condition; non-negotiable. They can’t be anywhere near DOD or Shiloh. He asks if she doesn’t trust herself around him. Michael asks if she’s afraid he’ll get his hooks in her.
Shiloh sees Brad at the hospital, and asks how it’s going with Wiley and Lucas. Brad says, really good. He’s surprised Shiloh remembered him. Shiloh says their work together is significant. Every drop of water makes an ocean. Isn’t that from The Aristocats? Shiloh asks if he’s going to see Brad again, and Brad says he needs more Zen in his life. He wants to bring Wiley and Lucas. Shiloh says he shows a real aptitude, and Brad thanks him. He sees the cup in Brad’s hands, and I audibly gasp. He asks where Brad got it.
Nina tells Spencer that Charlotte loves Laura. Valentin won’t come between them. Spencer tells her to open her eyes. He needs her to get Valentin to back off. Nina says, back off who? and he says, him. Her knight in shining armor is blackmailing him.
Valentin ask Nora if Lulu can dictate that Laura get half-custody. Nora says, the short answer is no. She can express wishes, but has no legal ground. Valentin asks if there’s a legal avenue she can pursue, and again Nora says the short answer is no. They’d have to relitigate at that point, and then he can voice his own position. He says Lulu left without notice, and he wants to file for full legal custody.
Elizabeth tells Cameron, silence is not an option. He says he handled it. She doesn’t need to know what happened. It will only hurt her, Franco says she’s a strong person, and Cameron tells him, stay out of this. Elizabeth says, hey. He apologizes and asks if he can go, but Elizabeth says he’s not going anywhere until he comes clean. She’ll find out one way or the other. It’s better to find out from him. He says the reason he beat the crap out of Tyler was because he insulted Aiden, calling him a little fairy boy.
Carly asks what Jason thinks about the psychologist Sonny hired. He says he doesn’t like psychologists, and Carly says, still… Jason says he seems to know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t see how he can get through to Kristina. Carly asks how Kristina was, and Jason says, she was pretty out of it, but okay. It was good because she didn’t fight him, and gave him the code to her phone. Until she woke up. Then she was furious. He can’t say he blames her; he did kidnap her. Carly says, for her own good. He says it would help to get hard evidence against Shiloh to give to the cops. Carly is surprised he wants to work with the cops. He says he wants to make Shiloh disappear, but it’s best for Kristina if he goes to prison. She’ll see he’s a con, and it will break his hold once and for all.
Brad tells Shiloh the cup is something he has to test; why? Shiloh says, it’s his. It has special meaning, and went missing from DOD. He asks what it’s being tested for, and I yell at Brad to shut up, but he says, for drugs. Shiloh says he doesn’t now how anybody got it, but it’s someone who wants to discredit DOD and see it fail. Brad wonder why anyone would want that, and Shiloh says, some people don’t understand, and others want to see it fail for more personal reasons. Jason is so obsessed with his ex, he attacked Shiloh. Brad says it was given to him by a nurse close to Jason. Maybe he stole it, and convinced her to run the test. It’s amazing the lengths people will go to. Shiloh says, especially Jason.
Sam asks Daisy what the consequences are for walking away from the Trust. Daisy asks where she heard that term, and Sam says, Kristina maybe. Daisy tells her, forget it. The only people who are supposed to know the name, are a part of it. Sam asks what would happen if she mentioned it to Shiloh. Would she be shunned? Is that what Kristina is afraid of? Daisy says, Shiloh would never shun anyone, especially Kristina. She’s so important to him.
Willow tells Michael if Shiloh was planning on bringing Kristina into the Trust, he’ll be watching her closely. He says her family got there first; she’s with them. Willow says, Shiloh won’t let her go so easily. He stays with you. He’s still in her head now, no matter how many miles are between them.
Carly thinks getting Shiloh out of the way is the obvious solution, but Jason says Kristina is Sonny’s daughter and Sam’s sister. They should decide how to handle it. Carly says they’re too close to this. They’re not seeing Kristina clearly. They assume she can’t handle what’s happening. They’re really undermining her. They don’t have confidence in her, so she has none in herself, and pinballs from thing to thing, trying to find where she fits. Jason says, what if Shiloh disappears, and she breaks down completely? Carly doesn’t know, and he says that’s why they have to let Sonny and Sam decide. Carly says she’s just tired, and thanks him for letting her vent. He tells her, stay there.
Nina asks Spencer how Valentin could be blackmailing him. Spencer says Valentin wants him to tell his grandmother that Charlotte doesn’t want to visit her, but there’s nothing further from the truth. Valentin comes into the reception area, and listens. Nina says she didn’t realize Spencer and Charlotte were friends. Spencer says Valentin wants to cut his grandmother out of Charlotte’s life, and if he doesn’t cooperate, Valentin will sic the Feds on him. Nina says, the FBI? Spencer says Valentin will stop at nothing to get what he wants. He asks her to have a heart. Make Valentin leave him alone. Nina says, give it up. Tell his story to someone else. She saves her pity save for the actual helpless, and he’s anything but. He tells her that she’s a worthy adversary, and worthy of respect. It’s too bad Valentin doesn’t have any for her. If he did, he wouldn’t be keeping a secret with Sasha.
Cameron tells Elizabeth and Franco that Tyler and his friend kept looking at him, laughing. He asked what was up, and they said, nothing. He was about to leave, and Tyler said his sister told him all about Aiden. Elizabeth says, what about him? and Cameron tells her that she said he’s a little fairy boy. Tyler called him Gayden, so Cameron jumped him. They got hauled to the principal’s office, but Tyler won’t be running his mouth anymore. That lying piece of crap. Aiden is a little kid; he’s not like that.
Jason gives Carly a smoothie. She tells him that she’s going to turn into an orange. He tells her as long as she takes care of herself and the baby, he doesn’t care. She says it’s her other baby she’s worried about. Oscar had another seizure. Josslyn was with him. He’s sweet and romantic, and got Josslyn a digital watch. There’s a superstition that at 11:11, someone that you love who has died is reaching out to you. She guesses it’s a way to stay connected. She doesn’t know if she believes it, but they do. They played music, and were dancing, when Oscar collapsed.
Elizabeth says Cameron knows better than to solve problems by fighting. He’s not going to let that tool call his brother fairy boy. How can he say Aiden is gay; he’s a little kid. Franco wonders if the real problem is that he doesn’t want it to be true. Elizabeth says he’s not like the other kids his age. Cameron asks, why? Because he likes Princess Calinda and baking? Elizabeth says, none of those things alone or together would prove that conclusion, but it’s not their job to impose a label on him. It’s their job to love and support him, no matte who he grows up to be. Cameron says, right now, he’s in the third grade, but his classmates have siblings. Unless they’re going door to door, he has to do something. Do they just expect him to take it? Franco says, you bet, and Cameron asks if Aiden can’t be a little less gay.
Nina asks Spencer what’s going on with Sasha and Valentin. Valentin comes in and asks if someone said his name. Spencer says he was telling Nina about when Sasha interrupted them at Windymere. Something shady was going on. Valentin says they were just talking about people. Would Spencer like it if Valentin talked about him?
Brad tells Shiloh, if he doesn’t do something, Jason will keep coming after him. He should have Jason arrested for theft. Shiloh feigns concern that Brad and Jason’s friend will be implicated as accomplices. He says there was only tea in the cup. Just tell Jason, and that will be that. Lucas comes by, and Shiloh says they’ll talk later, and jets. Lucas tells Brad that he’s off tonight. Any chance Brad can knock off early too?
Daisy tells Sam that they’ve gone through everything; there’s nothing there. Sam asks if Daisy has any clue what Kristina might have been feeling. Daisy says, she was excited. Kristina knew it was a privilege. Sam says, maybe the privilege was too much, but Daisy says, Kristina knew what it meant. If she hadn’t been fully committed, she wouldn’t have made the pledge. Sam asks what the pledge is exactly. Daisy says, if Sam is fully committed, one day she’ll be chosen, and find out.
Michael tells Willow, it doesn’t sound like having sex with Shiloh is a choice, but expected. She went through the ceremony, and at the end he had sex with her; that’s coercion. She says he didn’t force himself on her, but offered her a place in the Trust, saying it was an honor. That’s how everyone treated it, even her mother. Her mother convinced her that she was special. It wasn’t until she went to school that she realized DOD was built on lies, and Shiloh was just a con man. He was her first; the only man she’d been with, and he used her. Michael says, her baby was Shiloh’s, wasn’t it? and she says, yes.
Carly tells Jason, Josslyn called the paramedics, and went with Oscar. Jason asks how he is now, and Carly says, breathing on his own, and awake, but he only has a few days at most. Josslyn is with him, and wants to be until the end. It’s taking everything not to park herself there, but she can’t do that. She has to wait until Josslyn says she needs her, and keep herself busy. Jason suggests they shoot pool, and she says, don’t tempt her. He needs to bust Shiloh. Nothing is more important than her and Josslyn. He tells her, just call him when she needs him. She promises, and they hug.
Elizabeth says, no one is asking Aiden to be anything other than who he is. Franco says this isn’t about making Cameron’s life easier. Is he upset about the kids talking trash about Aiden, or about who Aiden is? Cameron says he doesn’t want to deal with Aiden being teased; he loves his brother. Franco tells him, prove it by his support. He could have saved a lot of pain if he’d stepped up to the plate. Franco leaves, and Cameron says, he’s wrong about everything. Elizabeth says, he’s angry, and so is she. Cameron is angry and upset on his own behalf, not his brother’s. She leaves, and Cameron pounds the wall.
Spencer tells Valentin not to be hasty. Valentin says he wanted the truth. His phone rings, and Nora says she’s tracking a case that she thinks might prove useful. He thanks her for her quick action, but it’s not necessary. He’s not pursuing reviving the custody agreement. He’s sorry for the trouble. She says, it’s no trouble; he’ll get her bill. Valentin tells Spencer this is the last of his patience. Spencer isn’t getting another chance. Go. Spencer runs out. Nina asks if he really blackmailed Spencer, and Valentin says, he’s a kid. It was just leverage to guarantee the truth. Sasha tells him, don’t count on it. Spencer will do anything to make him look bad. Was there something going on with Sasha? He says he offered Sasha money to join her in New York, but Sasha said no. Nina says, she’s a proud woman, but Valentin says, not as proud as her mother.
Brad brings the cup back to Elizabeth, who’s talking to Jason. He says he ran the test. Jason asks what he’s talking about, and Brad says, the results are back. There were no drugs; nothing. Just tea and Valerian root. By the look on his face, Jason doesn’t believe it.
Shiloh comes back to DOD. Sam asks if he found Kristina. He says he checked GH and Mercy, but she wasn’t there. He thinks he knows what happened though. He thinks Jason kidnapped her.
Brad looks full of himself. Lucas tells Brad that his paperwork is finished, and he’s heading out. Brad says he was talking to Shiloh about taking the next class. How about it?
Willow tells Michael, as soon as she found out she was pregnant, she made her escape. She couldn’t let Shiloh find out. He’d mold his child into one of his blind followers. Michael is sorry, but glad she broke away. Shiloh got away, but she protected her baby and lost it. She says he has it wrong, but it’s her fault. She’s been lying to him. The baby didn’t die.
Franco tells Nina that they need to talk to their step-kids, Michael knows who Willow’s adoptive family is, and Jason asks Brad if he’s involved with DOD.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Returning to the show where I’ve started disliking people I used to like, or at least didn’t bother me. I’m still good with Denise though, and of course LVP can do no wrong.
Denise is getting ready to have Dorit over. She tells trainer Mikey that Dorit weighs an ounce, and probably won’t eat, but they have snacks. She makes some drinks, and says that Dorit has two little kids, so she could use a double. The seltzer sprays everywhere when she opens it, and she claims she’s not used to using it in her drinks. Dorit arrives and meets Eloise, In Denise’s interview, she says she liked Dorit right away. It was sweet of Dorit to invite her to the Bahamas, when Dorit only knew her a few seconds. There’s also a lot to talk about. She puts blankets on the couch so Dorit doesn’t sit on dog hair. Celebrities – they’re just like us! Denise is anyway.
They talk about how tight their schedules are. Dorit says she feels blessed, and adores her husband. Denise asks how long PK has known LVP, and Dorit says they go back to their London days. They’re close; like brother and sister. Denise asks if they’ve talked recently, and Dorit says, no. The last time they spoke was at Denise’s wedding. Dorit knows LVP cares for her, but believes the Radar Online article came from her, and that she then called TMZ. In her interview, Dorit says, if you have nothing to hide, why would you hide? Denise says she’s coming from a place where she was dragged through the mud, embarrassed, and felt like she needed to defend herself. In her interview, she says when she got divorced from Charlie, she would try to find out who was leaking things by telling them false information. If she saw it in print, they were out. She had to live in a bubble. Dorit wants to go back to trusting LVP, but Denise thinks it will take some time. They go outside to check out the beautiful view. Dorit asks how long they’ve lived there, and Denise says, just over a month. They wanted something simple, Zen, and peaceful. Dorit knows what she means.
Kyle sets up the place cards for Camille’s shower. She wants to make sure there’s no awkwardness. In Kyle’s interview, she says she wanted to throw Camille a shower because it’s an exciting time in Camille’s life, and she loves throwing showers. Seating is everything. She’s seen women come in early, and move place cards, so she’s got to watch out for those people, The last time she spoke to LVP, they had a big argument. Yay. We get to see some of that again. She wants the day to be special for Camille, and her OCD is in overdrive.
LVP’s kitchen is getting torn apart. Steven tells Ken – Giggy! – it’s too late to change his mind. LVP wonders what she was thinking. In her interview, she says she’s emotionally scattered. Everything is coming at her from all angles. She says, the last time she stood there, she was with a friend of hers, and we see another clip from the argument. She takes a couple of swings at the old kitchen with a hammer, and says, at least Kyle was only a bitch in the kitchen. If she’d followed LVP through the house, this might be more expensive. She’s looking forward to it being brighter; it was dark and depressing. She wants to make some tea, but finds a bottle of wine that’s preferable.
The corrupt Faye Resnick arrives, and asks Kyle if it’s okay to wear white. Kyle explains that it’s weddings where you shouldn’t wear white. I just shake my head, although I know someone who thought all guests were supposed to wear the same color at a wedding, not knowing that was only for the bridesmaids. Teddi says, it looks amazing, and asks if everyone’s coming. Kyle says she invited everyone. In her interview, Camille appreciates Kyle’s offer to throw her a bridal shower. It’s tough to move ahead, and she wasn’t sure if she’d find love again, but David made her believe in love again. LisaR says Erika texted that she’s in tour hell, and can’t make it.
At the rehearsal studio, Mikey says, they’re seven days away from… Erika says, greatness. Mikey says, that too, but their first show in Jersey. In Erika’s interview, she says it’s the final days of rehearsal. There’s no time for a social life, family life, or any other life but show life. She’ll catch Camille at the next wedding. Erika’s choreographer gives some notes. In her interview, Erika says, as a child, she had big dreams, but as you get married, have kids, get divorced and remarried, priorities change. Life takes a different path. When the road opened wide at age 35, she took advantage. We’re the masters of our own destiny. Follow your dreams, and have a kickass checkbook. While rehearsing, Erika gets a knee to the jaw, and I try not to laugh. Mikey asks if she’s okay. Erika says, no, but she doesn’t want to make it a big deal. She tells us, with live shows, anything can happen, but the show must go on. That’s the way it is. They do that circle thing, even though it’s kind of early for that. Doesn’t that come before an actual show?
LisaR tells everyone her mom Lois is in town, and we see a clip of LisaR greeting her. In her interview, LisaR says her mother is almost 91, so when she can spend time with her, every second count. Food and drink happens. Camille opens gifts, and gets a tiara, which she promptly puts on. Kyle thanks everyone for coming to celebrate Camille. She says they’ve had their ups and downs – we flash back to her calling Camille a liar – and she’s excited for her and David. They deserve happiness. Dorit tells Kyle she was with Kyle’s sister Kathy last night. In Kyle’s interview, she says one good thing about American Woman not being picked up, is she and her sisters are speaking again. Everything is good, and they’re having fun again. She traded one for the other. Camille asks where LVP is. In her interview, Camille says she’s disappointed LVP isn’t there. LVP doesn’t need to punish her. Kyle asks if she’s coming to the wedding. Everyone agrees that even when you’re having problems with people, you should show up. Are you kidding? With this crowd. Who wants to be eaten alive? Camille says LVP told her be strong when the same thing happened with her. Kyle thinks Camille should send a text saying LVP was missed. In LisaR’s interview, she thinks that’s being passive/aggressive, and Camille should say she’s hurt. Camille thanks everyone for helping her celebrate this special time in her life.
Kyle drives some weird little car to the Mediterranean market with Portia. In her interview, Kyle says she saw a guy driving what looked like a lux go cart. He says it was called a Vanderhaul, and she thought it would be a fun toy. Plus it was cheaper than a vintage Jag. She’s scared driving it though. At the market, she gives Portia her own basket. In her interview, she says, as a mom, she wants do everything for them, like her mom did. She tells Portia that she’s got this. There’s a problem when it comes to loading the car, since it doesn’t hold much. Kyle says it’s a fun car, but not functional. Don’t take it shopping unless you’re not hungry. She crams what she has in the car, and Portia has to sit on top of some of it.
LisaR, her daughters, and Lois go to a high-end spa. The doctor is surprised that Lois is 90. LisaR suggests an IV bag. In her interview, she says her mom is low maintenance. She’s never had a massage, a facial, or even a pimple. She’s kind of a freak of nature. Lois taught her; age is about attitude. If you feel young, you’ll be young. Nice try. She says Lois must think they’re crazy. Amelia says Harry is home watching the news on all their TVs. In LisaR’s interview, she says, since Harry came back from camping, the Kavanaugh hearings have everyone on edge. To see a woman being put in a vulnerable position, and being made fun of and not believed, is effed up. LisaR wants to try the infrared bed. In her interview, she says the purpose of the bed is… she doesn’t really know the effing purpose. The girls do cryotherapy, and scream the whole time. Not surprising, since it’s minus 140 degrees. When LisaR comes out, she says she’s like a new person. We could only hope. In her interview, she says this is probably all bullsh*t, but she’ll buy it quicker than anyone.
In the car with Lois, LisaR says she’s buzzing, and could run a marathon. Too bad she’s not doing QVC today. Lois says she doesn’t watch it much; it’s boring. LisaR says, thanks a lot. They go to a restaurant, where there’s a private table, and the rest of the gang (minus LVP) gathers, along with some other friends. In Kyle’s interview, she says she loves when Lois visits. She’s hilarious. What woman this age travels, and is super cool and fun? How about Betty White? She says, they don’t make them like her every day. LisaR shows off her $5K tiny handbag. In her interview, she says she’s been low key with the big purse thing. She doesn’t spend a lot, but everyone wants a Hermes bag, especially where they live. They’re all superficial and effed up. Everyone talks among themselves. Denise says it’s surreal seeing LisaR’s girls, since hers are going to be that age soon. She wishes she could keep them young forever. The kids jet, since they have to get up early. What’s wrong with this picture?
Kyle asks Camille if she’s heard from LVP. Camille says she texted that she missed LVP at the shower, and LVP said she wasn’t invited. Kyle is like, what? and says, it’s such a joke. She didn’t leave a stone unturned, and shows Camille the message was delivered. She asks what Camille said, and Camille tells her that she said she didn’t know LVP wasn’t invited, and would have wanted her there. She shows Kyle the texts. In her interview, Kyle knows it’s not fun being honest with LVP, but can’t believe Camille just said she didn’t know. Lois thinks it’s bullsh*t. LisaR says she invited Harry, but it’s a big day politically because of the Kavanaugh hearings. Everything is changing. Camille says she has a different point of view. There’s not enough evidence. When you’re going up against something like that, you need to have witnesses lined up. She thinks if that happened, you would tell someone. Teddi doesn’t agree. Camille says you would tell your boyfriend or your parents. LisaR’s friend Robin says she was attacked in seventh grade, and never said anything. Camille says she was too, but she told people. LisaR says the woman told her husband, but Camille says that was years later. LisaR asks if Camille doesn’t believe her, and Camille says it’s a he said/she said situation. It pisses her off. LisaR says she’s not getting anything out of telling the world, and she’s a doctor. Camille asks if LisaR believes that anyone who holds a PhD is right. Teddi asks how Camille would feel if no one believed her. As usual, she asks stupid questions, since she came late to the party. Camille says that’s her priority. These are serious allegations, and she feels bad for the judge and his family. LisaR thinks she would be more empathetic, and Camille says, she is, but she’s also been accused of things she hasn’t done. In her interview, Camille says when she was going through her divorce, she was maligned. We flash back to a reunion, where Andy runs down a list of insults hurled at Camille. Camille says it’s horrible to go through that when you’ve done good things. She empathizes with what the judge is going through, since she’s been in that position. She knows what it feels like to be wrongfully accused, and humiliated all over the world because of lies. In LisaR’s interview, she thinks Camille comparing herself to Kavanaugh is weird. It’s not about Camille; it’s about something much bigger. She tells Camille that he’s going to be a judge for the rest of his life; it’s a big thing. Kyle says her mother told her to never talk about religion, politics, or sex in a public setting, and wants to change it up. Dorit says it doesn’t sound like a discussion about politics. LisaR thanks everyone for coming, and says this is for her mom. They all toast to Lois.
Kyle says, guess who’s there, and watching them. It’s her sister Kim. They wave to her downstairs, and Kim holds a menu in front of her face. We flash back to her returning the infamous bunny to LisaR at the reunion. Kyle goes downstairs, and Kim says, what are the odds?
Dorit asks LisaR how she feels about seeing Kim. LisaR says she’s fine with it. Kim is a human existing on the earth like she is. They wonder if Camille left, but she’s crying on the stairs. She tells Kyle that she doesn’t know why she’s so upset, but she’s been accused of things she’s never done. It’s horrible to be put in that position. Kyle says, it’s okay to have a difference of opinion. Camille asks her to be a bridesmaid, and Kyle says she’d love to. In Kyle’s interview, she says she never thought she’d be asked by Camille at the bottom of the stairs while she was crying. Camille goes back upstairs, and says she’s not going to make excuses for her opinions. LisaR asks if she hurt Camille’s feelings, and Camille says she’s been the victim of a smear campaign, and it hurts. LisaR sits next to her, and she cries on LisaR’s shoulder, which I find a tad hypocritical on LisaR’s part. Teddi tells Camille that he doesn’t have that power anymore. LisaR says she’s moving to a new life, and deserves it.
Kyles sister Kathy is there too, and Kyle wonders if life could get stranger. There are ten thousand restaurants, and by coincidence, they all picked the same one. She’s happy they’re on speaking terms. Kim congratulates Camille, as LisaR strides past her. In LisaR’s interview, she asks why she should give two sh*ts, and say hello. Out of sight, out of mind, and she’s not thinking of Kim. She tells Lois that she just walked by. Again, kind of hypocritical when she was just saying they were both humans, blah-blah-blah.
Back home, LisaR tells Lois that she’s stunning. LisaR is exhausted, with all these dogs. They went from one to three. Really? Three dogs is exhausting when you have all that money and can hawk dusters on QVC all night? Ugh. I like her less and less. Lois doesn’t know how she manages. LisaR asks what Lois thought about the dinner. She says it was wild. She never heard them talk about politics. LisaR says they usually don’t, but it’s timely. Women are now being honest about rape and sexual harassment, when they’ve been quiet a long time. Lois says she was lucky. She shouldn’t be here, and neither should LisaR. In her interview, LisaR says, years before she was born, her mother was attacked by someone she worked with. He picked her up at the bus stop, but instead of taking her home, drove down a deserted road. Lois says he had a hammer in one hand, and a knife in the other, and tried to rape and kill her, but the military police knew no one should be driving there, and followed him. They saved her that day. She was the first one where he went to jail. He was in prison for seven and a half years, and after he got out, became a serial killer, murdering sixteen to eighteen women. We see newspaper headlines about the Trailside Killer. Holy! Lois can’t remember what she told her. LisaR says Lois couldn’t smell anything, and had metal plates in her head, but told her a kid on the playground had hit her with a hammer. When Lois finally told her the truth (on WWHL, LisaR said she was eighteen when Lois gave her the real story), she was filled with sadness and empathy, but not just because it happened. Lois had stuffed her feelings. Lois says she didn’t want LisaR to grow up scared. LisaR thought Lois was overprotective, and Lisa never quite trusted people. She says she must have put out the energy that no one should screw with her. she’s one of the few people she knows who’s never been harassed or attacked. In LisaR’s interview, she says it takes courage to come forward. The least we can do is show them compassion. She tells Lois that she’s strong, and Lois says LisaR will probably live to be 105 or more.
Later this season, LVP opens her Vegas restaurant, Boy George performs, Erika performs, rock climbing happens, rosé all day happens, Brandi (blech) gets together with Denise, Camille’s wedding happens, Denise talks to LVP, Camille’s house burns down, and Camille and Denise argue. Geez. Maybe this show is getting too depressing.
🔎 For Love Of True Crime…
For more on the Trailside Killer, go here;
If Loving You Is Wrong
Lushion paces near Kelly’s hospital room, saying, dammit Kelly. The prosecutor (whose name I don’t remember and got tired of searching for) asks what he’s doing there. He says, guarding Kelly. She says that’s what she heard. She spoke with the doctor, and it turns out nothing is wrong with Kelly. Lushion says, that’s good, and the prosecutor says Kelly is getting escorted back to jail now. Lushion thinks she should talk to Kelly, but she says she has nothing to say. She asks if he didn’t see her press conference. He says they have mountains of evidence and she refuses to listen to reason. She says a jury of twelve will do that, and asks him to move. He steps aside, and two officers go in. I can’t believe how cool Lushion is being. The prosecutor asks what’s wrong with him; he needs to let this go. That girl is going down. She says he can leave now, and goes into Kelly’s room. She comes back out, and says, not so fast. He says, damn.
They have a problem. They don’t have the right key for the cuffs. The prosecutor tells Lushion to come back and uncuff her. He goes inside, and Kelly is in the bed. He’s confused, as we all are, but says… um, nothing. Kelly says she can’t go back. She wants to talk to Justice. Lushion says he’ll see what he can do, and tells her, stay strong. He uncuffs her, and says he’s working on this. He’ll see her soon. The officers come in, and I notice that, oddly, Kelly is wearing clothing underneath her hospital robe. The prosecutor tells Lushion, if she didn’t know better, she’d think something improper was going on. He says if he didn’t know better, he’d think she didn’t want justice. She says she does; justice for Travis. He was the victim. She’s talking the truth, and Lushion says, the truth is, she wants to be reelected. She sits on her ivory throne, and is so busy, she won’t take the time to see how wrong this is. If she did, she’d see they have evidence that Travis was stalking Kelly, but all she cares about is a win. She could care less about putting a good woman in jail for life. She says she’s not. She wants the death penalty.
Esperanza comes to Larry’s office. She wants to find a legal way to get her ex to leave her alone. Larry says, don’t they all. Tell him more. She says he’s harassing her at work, and threatens every person she tries to date; they’re scared to be around her. He’s making her life a living hell. Larry suggests a restraining order, but she says they work in the same building. Larry says they can get him fired for sexual harassment. She says they have a daughter together. She doesn’t want to go that route. She just wants to find a way to get him to leave her alone. Larry asks what route she wants to take. Esperanza says there are certain things she knows; dates, times, and dirty deeds he’s done. Larry says, tell him more, but she doesn’t want do that. He asks how she wants him to do that if she won’t tell him anything? She asks if Larry can hire someone to kill him. Larry says he can’t do that, and wouldn’t advise it. She says she was kidding. He doesn’t think so, but says, so was he. She doesn’t want to ruin his life, but Larry says, some people’s lives should be ruined. She doesn’t want a restraining order, or to file charges, and she doesn’t want to kill him. Larry doesn’t know how to help. Esperanza wants to threaten to take sole custody of their daughter if he doesn’t leave her alone. Larry says, if he’s as bad as she says he is, a judge will be more than happy to consider that. She thinks it will make him calm down. Has she met Eddie? Larry thinks they can do that, and Esperanza says she wants to speak to him first. If he won’t listen, she’ll move forward. Larry is more than happy to help. She asks what it will cost, and Larry says, off record, getting even with him is fine. Esperanza asks if he had a bad experience, and Larry says, he did, but he loved it. It was like rocket fuel for him. Esperanza leaves. Larry laughs, and makes notes.
Randal stomps into his house. He makes a drink, and nods to himself. He calls Marcie. She answers, what? like I do when I’m pissed at the caller. He says she thinks she’s so damn smart. She tells him, don’t call again, but he says he will. She thinks she’s smart. She says he made her lose the baby. She’s trying not to think about the pain he caused. She’s concentrating on work and moving on. She thinks this is smart actually. Randal loses it, and she says she’s past dealing with him. He asks if she’s going to run and tell Brad, and she says maybe she’ll send him to kick Randal’s ass again. Ha-ha! Randal says, yawn. He’s going to get even. She says, you do that.
Macie calls Brad, who asks how she is. She says she’d be better if she could get Randal to stop calling. Brad calls him an, indolent prick, which sounds nearly posh with his accent. Marcie asks if Alex signed the papers, and Brad says, not yet. She wanted a lawyer go over them. Marcie says, it’s probably for the best. If there’s no counsel, she could contest it, like Randal. She says there’s nothing she can do about it – except find a drug addict to kill him. Maybe Wyatt (HAHN) could use a job. Brad says she doesn’t want to end up in Kelly’s shoes; try and let it go. She says she’s trying; Randal isn’t. She wishes they could move away to another town. He does too, but the kids are there. She says she’ll be home at seven, and he asks if she’d like to go out to eat. She says she’d like that, and he says he’ll see her then.
Tanya sleeps on the couch. Ben sits in a nearby chair. She wakes, and says she slept a long time. He asks how she feels, and she says, better. How bad was it? He says, not that bad, and she says, don’t lie. He asks how much she remembers. She says she remembers being cold, and the neighbor, the psychologist. He came to the house; it was weird. She doesn’t want to talk to him again – ever. She wonders if everybody’s going to be looking at her like she’s insane. He says, they seem like nice people, but she says, so did the last ones. He says, that was different. She doesn’t like being stared at. She’s alone, in a new place. Ben suggests they get to know their new neighbors. Alex seems nice, and Natalie from down the street. Tanya says, not today. He asks what she’s going to do, and she thinks she’ll finish her book. He thinks that’s a good idea, and she says, she’ll make him lunch. He says, perfect. She apologizes, and he sits next to her. He says, don’t, and she asks why he stays with her. He says because he loves her. She gives him all he needs. She says she can’t give him a child, and he asks if that’s why she stopped taking her meds. She says she can’t have a baby, but she wants one. He says she can’t stop taking her meds. She insists she was fine until Randal talked to her. He says she thought she was fine. She swears she was, but he tells her, don’t do it again. After they get settled in, they’ll talk about adoption or a surrogate. She says they can’t afford one, but he says they’ll work toward it. She’s all the family he needs. He loves her. She says she loves him too, and he tells her, she’s going to be okay, and holds her. For a moment there, I thought I was watching a Tennessee Williams play.
Natalie calls Marcie to check on her. Marcie say she’s been having a hard time since she lost the baby. Natalie is sorry, and Marcie says she’s been through it before. At least she’s divorced. Natalie congratulates her, and Marcie asks how Kelly is doing. Natalie says, she’s better. Marcie says, no man is worth taking your life, and Natalie adds, especially a sorry ass loser. Marcie says Natalie’s got a good one. Natalie agrees, and says she’ll kill a bitch to protect him. She asks if the police talked to Marcie, and Marcie says, no. Natalie wonders why, and Marcie says, no proof, and if they do show up, Larry will handle it. Brad comes in with flowers, and Marcie says she’ll call Natalie back. She ask Brad, why? and he says she deserves them. She has a few more calls, and he asks if she can make them from the car. He has a surprise. They’re going somewhere nice. It’s their first official date. She says she’s ready, and they leave.
Sitting on the front porch, Randal looks at Tanya and Ben’s house with binoculars. Natalie sees him, and walks up to the porch, startling him when he sees her magnified. She asks what he’s doing, and he says, looking in the house. She says she’s going to tell Tanya’s husband, and Randal says he’ll tell him that she’s ghetto as hell. Like this is a threat. She says she’s cut his ass before. Tanya is a woman alone, and she’s not well. Randal says Natalie isn’t well, and she says he’s crazy as hell. He says, damn right. Welcome to his world. She wishes his ass burned up in the fire. She tells him that it was her, but he says that’s too smart for her. She says, you only need cheese to catch a rat. Leave that woman alone. She’s telling her husband. Randal says, go. Tell him.
At the station, Esperanza tells Eddie that she needs to talk to him. He says that thing she’s doing with her mouth is talking, but she says, not here. Somewhere more civil. He says, her, him, and her bedroom works. She doesn’t want to argue, and tells him to focus. He looks at her butt, and says he’s focusing. She asks him to meet her for lunch, and he wonders if she’s going to poison him. She says she has something to scare him, but he says there’s nothing scary about her unless she’s in between waxes. She says she’ll text him the restaurant. He says he’ll be there.
Ben leaves the house, and I wonder why Natalie didn’t go straight over there. He knocks on Randal’s door. Randal asks how his wife is, and Ben says, good. She said Randal talked to her. He asks what Randal talked about, and Randal says, the neighborhood. Ben asks if that’s it. Randal asks what she said. Ben says she has a mental illness, and Randal says he picked up on that. It’s a shame. Ben says, yes it is. They’re new in the neighborhood, and Randal can do them a favor by not talking to her. Randal says, that’s a little rude, and Ben says, yeah, but necessary. Randal says, okay. He won’t say anything, but she’s going to have another break. Ben says, she just needs to take her meds. Randal says, what if she doesn’t? and reminds Ben that he helped Tanya. Ben appreciates it, but says, don’t talk to her again. Randal asks if he’s the jealous kind, and Ben says, no; the loving kind. Randal laughs, and says, isn’t that cute? Ben tells Randal, have a nice day. When he’s gone, Randal stomps out of his house, and walks over to Alex’s, saying, no rest for him. He’ll make that crazy bitch even crazier.
Randal knocks on Alex’s door, and she lets him in. He says she looks good, and she says this is about the baby. He says, RJ, and she says, his name is Brad. He says they’ll talk about that, and she says they have a few things they need to talk about. She asks if he’s been drinking; that’s one deal breaker. He can’t drink when he comes over. He asks who the hell she thinks she is, setting ground rules. She says, please don’t drink, okay? He says, all right, and asks where the baby is. Alex says, upstairs, and he says, in the bedroom? practically wiggling his eyebrows. Alex says he’s here to see the baby; that’s is it. She needs to talk to him about the baby. She thinks there was a mix up at the lab, and wants another DNA test. He says she told him the doctor switched the results. Alex says, she didn’t. Randal says, then how did it come back that it wasn’t his kid. She doesn’t know, and he tells her not to play with him. Is she trying to trick him? She says, not at all. He asks did she sleep with someone else? and she says, no. He wonders, why take another test? She says she was doing research. There have been cases where a child came out with a recessive gene, and looks like the great-grandparent. Randal asks if she has Black great-grandparents. She doesn’t, and he asks, does Brad? She says, no, and he asks what the hell she’s talking about. She says she needs to be sure, and he says, no. He asks if she’s saying is that she was with someone else, but she says she wasn’t. He says she told him that he’s the only Black man she was ever with. If that’s true, she doesn’t need to take the test. She says, forget it, and asks if he wants to see the baby or not. He says he wants a real good look. Who was she with? The mailman? She says now he’s just being ridiculous. He says all this time alone here, and there have been no other men? She says he’s paranoid. Forget she brought it up. He says he’s still suing the doctor. Alex repeats, she didn’t do it, but he says no way the test should have come back as not his. She says, doesn’t he want to know what happened? He knows damn well it’s not Brad’s baby. Don’t let him find out it’s not his baby. Does she hear him? If she thinks he did something to her before, let him find out that’s not his baby. She asks if he wants to see him, and he says he wants to study him. His face, nose, feet, hands, and fingers. Alex says, fine, come see his son. I would so not be alone with this guy.
Eddie meets Esperanza at the restaurant. She already ordered his favorite. Eddie asks if she’s going to tell him she’s dying. She wishes he’d apologize, and he says he’s sorry she sent her boyfriend to beat him up. Esperanza says he’s not her boyfriend, and Eddie started everything. He says her opening her legs started it. She says she didn’t come here for this, and he asks why they’re here. She says they’ve been doing this way too long. She wants to find way they can be civil, and co-exist for their daughter. He says he is civil. She says he’s the most uncivil person she knows. When they met, he was completely different. He insists this is the way he’s always been. He played the good guy to get her to fall in love with him. She asks if he won’t consider changing for their daughter, and if he’s just going to continue using drugs, harassing her, and everyone she knows. He says if he ain’t happy, no one is going to be. She says she’s tried talking, giving him the benefit of the doubt; she’s tried everything. She wants sole custody.
Eddie tells her, get out of here, and Esperanza says she doesn’t want him around their daughter without supervision. She has a list of sh*t he’s done that she knows about. He says, she’s serious? She wants him to leave her alone. He says he’d never hurt their daughter. She says when done talking judge, nothing he has to say will matter. He thinks Steven put her up to this, and she asks if he’s crazy. He yells that he’d like a side of get this bitch out of my face. She slaps him, and says she’s tried everything. Now she’s threatening him. If she puts the list she has in front of a judge, he’ll never see his daughter again. He says he’ll put her in a box, and she says she’ll get a lawyer. He calls her a bitch again. She slaps him again, and asks if he’s dense in the head. Get prepared; she’s calling a lawyer. He says she can’t afford one, and she says, wrong. Larry will take the case.
He tells her to get out of his face. She says, gladly. She fishes in her purse, but can’t find her wallet. He laughs, and asks if anyone wants free p*ssy. She’ll do it for a burger. He suggests she call her boy toy. He tells her not to think of walking out; he’s an officer. She say she’s not stealing, and he asks if she thinks he won’t take her to jail. The manager comes over, and says, it’s okay. She comes there all the time. Eddie tells him to get his fat ass away, and Esperanza tells Eddie to stop. He grabs her, and cuffs her. He says he should have done this a long time ago. Don’t make him hit her for resisting. He tells the restaurant patrons, enjoy lunch.
Dr. Raston goes to Alex’s house. She tells Alex that she’s been calling. They need to talk. Alex invites her in. The doctor says she had to go to the Board, and tell them what Alex did. She’s also talking to a lawyer today. Alex is truly sorry. Dr. Raston says she reran the test. She thought Alex would like to know the result before Brad does. She hands Alex a manila envelope. Alex reads what’s inside, and says, oh my God. She and the doctor look at each other.
Next time, Dr. Raston knows Alex has another secret, Esperanza tells Kelly that Eddie is done, and Tanya threatens to call the police on Randal.
🐰 It’s Not About the Bunny…
For several reasons. It’s going to be Easter soon, it’s way late, and in case you came late to the party.