April 22, 2019 – Someone Gives Doc a Hand, Brittany Hunts For the Dress, Mini Throne Recap, Throne Theory, Behind the Throne, Funny Throne & a Song from Thrones


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

At the hospital, Doc and Laura kiss. A messenger brings a package for Doc. Doc asks who it’s from, and the messenger says, someone named Chamberlain. Doc signs for the box, and I wonder if he’s left-handed in real life. He opens it, and there’s a Styrofoam container inside. He opens that, and as I suspected, a frozen hand is inside. Laura is like, omg, and turns away.

Scotty goes to Ava’s apartment, and asks, what’s the emergency? She says she needs a hero, and he’s just the man for the job.

Sasha laughs at a story Michael is telling about forgetting to get off of a ski lift. She says he totally knows his way around a mountain. She used to go skiing all the time, and he says maybe someday they could hit the slopes. She says, maybe. Does he know what she wants to hit now? He knows what he wants her to say, but doesn’t think that’s it. She says, the shower.

NuTJ (who I’m still not used to) says Molly was quiet on the walk over. She says she was thinking about the nutjob Kristina is involved with. He says, it’s not like it’s the first time she’s gone off the grid, but Molly says, it’s never been like this. Other times, at least she responded to texts, but it’s been radio silence. Alexis approaches, and says she’s been looking for Molly. Molly asks if Kristina is okay, and Alexis says, she will be. Molly asks what she means, and Alexis says she hasn’t been completely honest about Molly’s sister.

Neil explains to Kristina that the purpose of the circle is to create a space where all voices are of equal importance. There’s no hierarchy or leader. Kristina says if her voice was equal, she wouldn’t be a captive, and he’d let her go. Nice try.

At the MetroCourt, Sonny tells Carly that he just wants his daughter back. Who’s to say the deprogramming will work? Sam appears, and says it will. For Kristina, it has to.

Shiloh walks into the gym, which is not the start of a joke, and sees Jason near the heavy bag. He asks if he can have a go at it. Jason remains silent, and starts punching the bag. Shiloh laughs, and guesses he should take that as a no.

Sonny tells Sam there are other options. Kristina can’t be involved if the cult leader is gone. Sam thinks the only way for Kristina to unhook from it, is therapy. Carly wonders what if Kristina said something incriminating. Sonny says, at worst, she could have said he gave orders to have someone eliminated. It would be a lie, but she could have exaggerated to impress that dirtbag. Sam thinks the same thing, but if Shiloh exposed what Kristina said his crimes were, she’d fall apart. They have to find her pledge, and make sure it never sees the light of day. Sonny asks what her next move is, and Sam says, go to the house, and see what she can find. They wish each other good luck. Sonny says, they’ll need it. After Sam leaves, Carly says she thinks Sam has lost it.

Harmony looks through some folders. She crosses out Willow’s real name on one of them, and replaces it with Willow Tait. She looks at the picture of Kristina and Shiloh.

Neil admits to Kristina, however well-intentioned, kidnapping her was unfair. Out of curiosity, what would she tell a friend who was being held against their will by their loved ones? She says she can show him. She picks up Shiloh’s book, and reads, the problem lies within the person who’s afraid of an unresolved interior experience in dealing with loss. Neil says he’s unfamiliar with the material, and asks if she can tell him more conversationally. She says her parent’s history with loss makes them afraid of losing her. He thanks her for the clarification.

Michael and Sasha talk about their favorite places to ski. Sasha doesn’t want to sound snobby, but says she’d go with Aspen; the terrain is good. Michael says, the waffles are too. One time the place was closed, and he almost cried. She says she has to get back there, and Michael says he almost went this winter. He booked the trip, but his sister Avery’s nanny got sick, so there was no one to take Avery on the bunny hill. Sasha is impressed that Michael would cancel Aspen to take his sister on the bunny hill, and asks if he walks on water. He tells her to never underestimate toddler charm.

Doc takes a look at a paper inside the box, and tells Laura, it’s from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. It’s Chamberlain remains, not from Ryan Chamberlain. He tells Laura, a severed hand doesn’t necessarily mean a fatality. She asks if he thinks Ryan is out there, and he says, in her heart of hearts, doesn’t she? She doesn’t know. She tells him that she understands they still have issues, but believes they can work through them. She thinks that won’t happen until he moves back home. He says there’s nothing he’d love more, but doesn’t think he should until he does more work on himself.

Shiloh says Jason has made it clear that he’s hostile toward him and DOD. He’d considered that Jason kidnapped Kristina, but he was convinced otherwise by Sam. The more he trusts Sam, the closer they become.

Carly tells Sonny that Shiloh is supposed to believe Sam loves him. Now that freak is talking to Danny, and Jason has to put up with it. That’s how she sees it. Sonny agrees, saying, no one wants it over with more than he does, but if it helps Kristina recover by playing it out, he’ll do it. Shiloh will be dealt with.

Michael wishes he could stay, and Sasha asks if he’s riding to another sister’s rescue. He says, actually… and she asks if everything is okay. He hopes so. She tells him not to let her keep him, and asks if it’s cool for her to hang out. He tells her to stay as long as she wants, and writes down his number. She says, digits; it’s getting serious. He thinks maybe they can go to the gym again, or catch a movie; no expectations. She says she’s only in town until her mother’s wedding, but she’d like that. She’ll text him. He leaves, and she looks at the number and smiles.

Molly ask Alexis where her sister is, and Alexis says, she’s safe. She’s working on her issues, and that’s all she can tell Molly. Molly knows better than to press, and Alexis thanks her. All Molly wants is for Kristina to be normal again, and get away from that creep Shiloh. Alexis says that’s all she wants too; her three girls to be safe.

Neil tells Kristina that her family is waiting for permission to speak with her. Kristina says, they’re not known for their communication skills. They don’t hear or see her. He asks how he can help. Would it work for her if had a signal. She can say, she’s not okay with this, and he’ll stop and redirect the conversation to a more constructive place. She says, it sounds okay, and he asks if she’s ready. She tells him, go for it, but it won’t change anything.

Ava tells Scotty to sit. He asks if he should be nervous. She says, no. They’re friends; good friends. She’d venture to say he’s her best friend in Port Charles. He says, as opposed to some other location? She laughs and says he gets her. No one else ever has, and he’s never afraid to say what he really thinks. He tells her that she’s laying it on thick. He can see smoke coming out of her ears. What plan is she cooking up? She says, a plan in which he plays a key role. He asks what she wants him to do. She says, fall in love with her, and kisses him.

Ava says it’s not that farfetched. Scotty says he has feelings for her; he always did. Another place, another time; however, they’ve never kissed. He asks what she wants, and she says Ryan is alive. He tells her that if he thought that was true, he’d shackle himself to her, but Ryan is dead. She wishes that was true. She knows Ryan is obsessed with her, and knows she and Scotty have a close connection. She depends on him in times of need. If Ryan thought they were together, he would surely surface, and when he does, they’ll be ready. He asks if she’s serious, and she says she is. She wants justice for her daughter, and he can have the justice denied him when he prosecuted Ryan.

Sam goes into the DOD house. She sees the folders Harmony was looking at on an ottoman, quickly looks through them, and puts them back. Harmony walks in, and asks what she’s going there. She says she needs to see Shiloh. Harmony says she doesn’t know where he is. Sam sees Kristina’s folder under Harmony’s arm, and says she’ll wait. Harmony tells her to suit herself. Sam’s sorry if she interrupted Harmony’s project, and asks if she needs help. Harmony says it’s private material, far above her level, but thanks anyway. She goes upstairs, and Sam follows at a distance.

Shiloh tells Jason that Sam is learning the DOD courses faster than any student he’s ever had. Danny is incredible as well. He wonders if Danny will get his life outlook from his mom or be emotionally stunted like his father. Jason walks away, and Shiloh says he didn’t want a workout anyway. Jason has sweated enough for the both of them.

Harmony goes into Shiloh’s office. Sam puts an ear to the door, then ducks around the corner when Harmony comes back out. Harmony locks the door. When she’s gone, Sam tries it just to make sure.

Michael goes to the MetroCourt, and gives Carly a hug. She says he’s in a good mood. Would he care to share what contributed to that? He says she can ask, but he’s not answering. She says there’s a secret behind his smile, and he says it’s monumental. He’s grabbing coffee before he meet Sonny about Kristina. If there’s anything to know, she’ll be the first one he tells. She says that’s not nearly enough, but she’ll have to take it. He leaves, and she ponders.

Sonny tells Alexis that Michael is on his way. Alexis says she talked to Molly, but told her as little as possible. She knows Kristina is safe, but Alexis feel badly for not including her. She was the first one to recognize DOD was a cult, but she’ll just make Kristina defensive. Neil joins them, and asks if they’re still waiting for Michael. Sonny says he’ll be there soon. Neil says it’s important that they understand there are multiple steps in the process. Sonny and Alexis have strong, powerful personalities, and are used to being in control. They’ll have to leave that at the door. They’re not in charge, and can’t steer the outcome. Kristina recognizing that she can make decisions is critical to her recovery. If they can’t abide by that, they need to leave. Sonny says Michael is the most level headed of the group. Alexis adds, and the closest to Kristina. Neil says that doesn’t always work in their favor. Kristina already feels betrayed by being kidnapped, and they have to catch up. Are they ready to do the work? Sonny says, ready.

Laura asks Doc what kind of work he needs to do, and he says, on his arrogance; his God complex. Ryan always thought he was the smartest person in the room, and Doc thinks he shares that opinion of himself. She says he’s really been thinking about it, and he tells her he’s been talking to a colleague. She says, therapy, and he says, don’t’ knock it. Always being right gets in the way of life, and when taken to the extreme, leads to where they ended up. He wants no part of that grandiosity, and doesn’t want to make that mistake again. Laura says he won’t, but he wishes it was that simple. His justifications and explanations were just his ego, and it resulted in people getting killed, Lulu being attacked, and pain for everyone involved. Laura says he’s not the one who killed them. Doc says it’s not the same thing, but he was still destructive. He needs to confront and deal with these tendencies in himself, and acknowledge his faults and culpabilities. She says he doesn’t have to do it alone.

Laura tells Doc, anything she can do to help, she wants to do it. Doc asks if she’s not still angry at him, even a little. She says he made a mistake, but he’s a good man. The fact that he’s willing to face those parts of himself proves it. If it doesn’t interfere with his soul searching, she’d love it if he searched his soul at home. He says that’s why he didn’t tell anyone, especially her, that Ryan was alive. He knew she’d call him on it, and tell him to turn Ryan in. He didn’t want that, so he kept it from the person he loved most. He’s so sorry. She says she forgives him, and they hug.

Ava says Scotty must regret how the case turned out. He says he does. Felicia ended up in jail instead of Ryan. It was a travesty. Ava says she’s giving him a chance to fix it won’t do it. As much as he cares about her, right now she’s filled with grief, and jumping into the vodka bottle. She says she’s drinking coffee, but he says it’s just a matter of time. How many times has he picked her up off the floor since Kiki died? She says Ryan murdered her daughter because he could; for fun, or maybe he chose Kiki because she was Ava’s daughter. Scotty gets it. It haunts her. She says she needs to be the one to kill him. Look into the eyes of that sick, sadistic man, and tell him it’s for her daughter. Will he help her? Scotty doesn’t want to take advantage of the situation, pretending to be dating her. She tells him, take advantage of her. It’s his last chance. He suggests they get some fresh air, clear their minds, and come up with another plan. She tells him, if he doesn’t want do it, he needs to get out, and he leaves.

TJ tells Molly that he knows how much she loves her sister. He loves Kristina too. She has some great qualities. Molly says, but…? He says she’s had bad things happen to her. Kiefer was the worst, but she survived. She’s had the benefit of money, education, and the support of her family, but she’s never learned responsibility, and how to get herself out of trouble; bail herself out. Molly says Kristina thinks she’s taking ownership by joining DOD, but it’s the exact opposite.

Sam gets into the office, but hears Shiloh call Harmony. She leaves, closing the door behind her, and jets.

Neil says Kristina’s family is there to talk after agreeing to the basic ground rules. Kristina asks where Molly is. Alexis says after their recent friction, they thought it best she sit this one out. Kristina ask about Sam. She’s a DOD member and supports her. Is that why she’s not there? Neil says it’s not about defending points of view. It’s about Kristina’s needs and feelings. Alexis’s phone rings. She checks it and ignores the call. Kristina asks how they’re supposed to talk when Alexis can’t turn off her phone. Neil says that’s a good point. Why not start there.

Shiloh finds Sam in the living room, and she says she’s there to see him.

Laura says, marriage is a partnership, and it can’t always be Doc taking care of her. Sometimes she gets to take care of him. They save each other. She asks if he’ll come home. He kisses her, and thanks her. She says she didn’t do anything, but he says, yes, she did. She asks what he’s going to do with that thing, and he says take it to the morgue for starters; then destroy it. At least part of Ryan will be behind them. He’ll meet her at home. He needs to make a quick stop on the way.

At the MetroCourt restaurant, Sasha asks Carly if she can get something to go. Carly gives her a menu, and notices she’s wearing a sweatshirt from the gym. She says her husband owns that place, and asks how Sasha likes it. She says she had the best workout this afternoon. Carly says, good to know. I believe she’s put two and two together, and come up with Michael and Sasha.

Kristina says her mother’s phone shows a lack of respect. It’s like their entire relationship. That’s why she chose DOD. The way they communicate reflects her need to be heard. Sonny doesn’t get it, and Neil says communication is more successful when the speaker and listener both understand the message. Can she make that easier? She said her mother’s phone shows a lack of respect; how so? Kristina says, when it rings, Alexis disappears. Alexis says that’s not true, but Neil says if Kristina feels that way, it’s true to her. He asks her to restate how she feels the need to communicate. She says she hates when they talk. They never get past her mistakes. They love her, but she thinks they’re saying love her more if she was different. Neil asks how she feels when she leaves their conversations, and Kristina says, terrible; completely disconnected. At DOD, they only ask who she is now, and who she’s willing to be. She doesn’t feel lonely with them like she with her family. She starts to cry, and says she got tired of being lonely.

On the phone, Jason thanks Brick, saying, that’s what he thought. Carly asks what he found out. Jason tells her, residue from a narcotic was in the cup. She wonders what happened at GH, and he’ll give her one guess. She says, Shiloh.

Doc sees Ava at the MetroCourt bar. He was hoping to find her there. She says, dare she ask why? He says he’s had unsettling news about his brother.

Scotty runs into Laura at the hospital. He doesn’t mean to be insensitive, but asks if she’s seen Doc. She says he just left, and asks if something is wrong. He says, Ava is cooking up a plan to bring out Ryan, who’s dead as a doornail. It’s outrageous.

Michael tells Kristina that he brought her this, and gives her a keyring. She says, Mexico. He says they’re family is amazing, but it’s also big and complicated. There’s a lot of history, screw ups, baggage, you name it. Shiloh is offering something that seems positive and wonderful, but something he’s learned in business is, if something is too good to be true, it probably is. He takes her hand, and says she might not believe it, but he thinks she’s really smart and perceptive. She gets a read on people before anyone else. He knows if she really listens to what Shiloh is saying, beneath the flowery message, he’s saying, do what I tell you; trust me, not yourself. Michael misses her, and she says she misses him too. He says let him be there for her. Come home with him. God knows there’s plenty of room. Kristina says he doesn’t understand. She made a promise, and can never go back home.

Sam tells Shiloh that Harmony said he’d be back soon, so she decided to wait. There’s something she wants to say. He tells her that he always welcomes her thoughts. She says she’s been thinking about it, and wants to take the next step in her commitment to DOD. She wants to prove her faith in him is as strong as his faith in her. He says that’s good to hear. It’s almost time. Soon, she’ll be ready join his Trust.

Carly says, Kristina was drugged. She knows Jason isn’t taking the information to the cops, so what’s next. He says he’s going to handle Shiloh himself.

Scotty tells Laura, it’s a hair-brained idea. It would never work, but Ryan is dead. Laura says, if he isn’t, it’s a suicide mission. Anyone who takes her up on her offer is out of their mind.

Doc tells Ava that he knows the hand is disturbing, but he wanted her to hear it from him. He’ll take care of everything from now on. She can put his brother behind her. She doesn’t think she can, but they can use Ryan’s hand to bury him.

Tomorrow, Felicia tells Laura that their plan will draw Ryan out, Molly says Kristina has finally come to her senses, and Shiloh tells Sam she can take her place in his Trust.

Vanderpump Rules

Ariana sets up the bar at SUR. Tom says he’d help, but he’s no longer an employee. This is her first Brunch with Billie, and Tom tells her, get ready; it gets crazy. Lisa comes in and asks Tom what was up with that briefcase full of money. She thinks Schwartz is ridiculous. What was she supposed to do with that? Has he never heard of a cashier’s check? In her interview, Ariana says she respects Lisa as a businesswoman, but doesn’t like the way she’s been treating the Toms lately. We see clips of Lisa lecturing them at various times. Ariana says it’s starting to wear on her. She doesn’t understand the mentality. Um… I think it is a business mentality, since these guys can drift. Tom tells Lisa that James wants to talk to her, and she says, he always does. In Lisa’s interview, she says James thought it would be easy to get his job back, but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about him learning a lesson. At some point, she’ll talk to him. She tells Tom and Ariana that she feels like a therapist, and should have a couch.

Jax’s sister Jenny and her husband Patrick arrive at the apartment. In his interview, Jax says his sister is important to him. She’d give the sweater off her back for anyone; she’s like their dad. Jax points out a bottle of Fireball that their dad drank from. Since their mom won’t be at the engagement party, he’s glad Jenny is there. Brittany’s mom Sherri, and a slew of other relatives show up. In Brittany’s interview, she says she loves her family, and it means the world to her that they’re here. None of them have ever been to LA or even traveled that much. Hashtag: blessed. Dad Don prays over the food. It’s the first time Jax has seen him since the summer, and he feels intimidated, but isn’t bowing down for forgiveness. He says when he’s doing good and feels good, it shows. He has to make himself happy first. He jokes that he put all the furniture together, but then admits Brittany did, saying she likes doing it. Yeah. She probably reads the directions, and gets it right the first time. Baby Presley is there, and in his interview, Jax explains that he helped Jenny and Patrick raise money to have a baby in vitro a couple of years ago. We flash back to the fundraiser, and Jax saying he’ll match the total. He says they were very grateful, and he can basically say he bought them a baby.

Brittany talks about going dress shopping. Mamaw says despite their ups and downs, it’s worked out for good, and she loves them both. Jax brings out a box with his dad’s ashes in it, so he can join them. Brittany suggests putting the ashes in something nice, but he says he likes to bring his dad places. I… never mind.

Scheana tells Adam that she’d mentioned her friend Ethan is back in town, and he wants to make her dinner. Adam says he was being honest saying he didn’t care if she dated other people, but he stays at her place all the time. She says she doesn’t want that to change, and he asks if this guy is spending the night. In Scheana’s interview, she says Adam claims he doesn’t care if she dates or hooks up with someone else. Ethan wants to cook her dinner, so she’s calling his bluff. I’m guessing cooking dinner must be a euphemism for dinner and something else. She asks, if she and Adam are going out and having sex, why aren’t they dating? He doesn’t know if he wants to be exclusive, but he doesn’t want her to go out with other guys. So in other words, he has a double-standard. She says she just won’t post anything. Seriously, I’m confused as to what it is they are doing if that’s not dating.

Stassi, Kristen, and Katie wait for Brittany at the bridal shop. Kristen says Brittany is getting married in a castle, and wants the appropriate dress. They decide to each pick one out that they’d like her to try on. Stassi feels like she’s going to be a bridesmaid, but wonders if it’s awkward since Jax is her ex. Kristen thinks she’d make an amazing maid-of-honor because she has OCD obsessive energy that she’s willing to pour into the wedding. In her hope for attention, I guess Kristen is just going to overlook the fact that she and Brittany are not that close. Brittany arrives with all of her female relatives. Stassi says this is going to be the best day ever. There’s a welcome sign and hors d’oeuvres, and the girls have already started drinking. Brittany says she wants a fairytale wedding, In her interview, she says she’s thought about her wedding dress her whole life, and now it’s her turn. She had a My Size Wedding Barbie, and wore the gown all the time. A producer asks who she was marrying, and she doesn’t think anyone. She just got excited about the dress. Mamaw says she was married 54 years, and it seemed like a day. Was he away all the time? Katie thinks Stassi will be next. Sherri says she and Mamaw never gave up on Jax. They were with him the night his dad passed, and he said now he would be the man his dad wanted him to be. After that, they saw a change.

Jax and Jenny go to a tattoo parlor. (Sounds like a children’s book.) They want one of their father’s favorite sayings in his handwriting. Jax asks what Jenny thinks of Brittany’s family, and she says she loves them. He says there are more to come. He asks if she thinks it’s weird their mom isn’t there. Jenny says he has to go with how he feels. In his interview, Jax says he hasn’t talked to his mother since his dad died. Jax says she won’t be at the engagement party, and asks if Jenny is okay with it. Jenny says she didn’t tell them that their dad was in the ICU. In Jax’s interview, he says he can’t forgive his mom for not saying how sick his father was. Jenny says, even if it had just been a body, she would have wanted to say goodbye. Jax wonders if somehow their dad told her not to say anything. Jenny thinks he didn’t want to be a burden, but would have wanted them there. Jax says their dad claimed he would never set foot in a tattoo parlor, and here he is. Yes. Jax brought his ashes along. In Jax’s interview, he thinks he should get an urn, but wants to have his dad around. He says he’s gotten some amazing tattoos, and some not so amazing. Stassi was a bad choice, but Carmen was a terrible choice. The tattoo they’re getting says, make good choices, love you, Dad.

Brittany models a dress while wearing a tiara, Stassi says, the dresses are Disney princess AF. There’s basic Cinderella, sexy Ariel, fun and flirty Elsa. Like a stylish wedding Disney threw up – in the best way possible. In Brittany’s interview, she says she knew best friend Cara was going to be her maid-of-honor before she knew Jax would be her husband. The first dress is her favorite, but she wants try a few more first. She asks for Katie to come back with her. She tells Katie that Cara is going to be her maid-of-honor, but she’d like Katie to be her matron-of-honor. Since these kids are so well read and worldly, Katie isn’t sure what that means; she’s not an old matron. Brittany tries to explain it’s because she’s married, but Katie still seems confused. She wonders if she has to put on a bonnet and churn butter, but if it helps Brittany to have a better wedding, she’ll do it. Honestly, I love this show, but a lot of the cast is vacuous and/or socially inept. No wonder they have the need to band together, and now James and Raquel are wandering aimlessly, like there are no other people in LA to hang out with.

James asks SUR manager Monica where Lisa is. I swear there’s an audible sigh, and she tells him, in the garden. James hunts Lisa down, and says he found her. She says he’s sent twenty-three texts; obsessive much? He says he wants to talk to her about See You Next Tuesday. He has some good ideas, like an astrology laser space party kind of thing. She asks if he’s not understanding that he’s not working there. He says the girls are lazy, and didn’t even show up last Tuesday. She suggests he stop worrying about everyone else, and worry about himself. He whines, and she tells him not to act like a three-year-old. It’s the third time he’s been in this position. Does he think he’s changed? She asks if he’s drinking, and he says, a couple beers isn’t drinking. I’m pretty sure beer has alcohol in it, and that you can get drunk on it too. In Lisa’s interview, she says she made it clear that he has to be 100% sober if he’s going to work there, and he hasn’t proven himself. She tells him, alcoholism runs in families. His mother was honest about that. She notices his attention is wandering, and asks him to focus. He says SUR is his everything. He feels at home there, and grew something from scratch. He guesses this is the last time he’s asking. In James’s interview, he says he can’t believe he’s not being given one more chance. He guesses he needs to prepare for what’s next. Lisa tells him that he’s a person who should never drink again, and could screw up his future, but he’s not doing it there. James bounces.

Stassi, Kristen, Ariana, and Tom have dinner at TomTom. Ariana is glad to be there, enjoying the food and drink, and not tending bar at SUR. Ariana is annoyed about Lisa interrupting an interview by a food blogger. She was talking to Tom about how hard they were working, and Lisa asked if he told the blogger where they just were. She not only suggested they take a trip – we flash back to Lisa saying they’d better do it now, before the real work starts – when they got back, Lisa used it as an opportunity to trash the Toms. Since somehow Ariana wants to make this about herself, she says, in essence, Lisa is saying she’s an idiot to date someone who’s an idiot. In her interview, Ariana says they’ll never be equal to Lisa, no matter what they accomplish, but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be some level of respect. Tom says he and Lisa have never been closer, but he’s still a punching bag, along with Schwartz. Ariana thinks she should talk to Lisa at the engagement party. She’ll be respectful, but tell Lisa that she’s talking sh*t about her partners, when they’re good at what they do. There’s a reason she wanted to work with them; they’re awesome. In Stassi’s interview, she says, confronting Lisa is the worst. She’s done it. We flash back to that, and she says, legit, the idea of confronting Lisa is the best laxative ever. Ariana says, you can’t disagree with Lisa, or you’re on her sh*t list. Kristen nods so hard, her head is going to fall off.

Pup at TomTom! Adam joins them. Ariana says Scheana is on a date, and Adam says that’s what he hears. Ariana says Scheana has asked him five times if he minded, and he said no. He tells her that he doesn’t think he’s ready for commitment. Tom says if Adam needs help, let him know, even though he doesn’t know how he’d help. Adam asks if Tom wants to kill a guy for him, and Tom says, oh, Adam is mad at Ethan now.

Meanwhile at Scheana’s apartment, Ethan cooks. In her interview, Scheana says they met about a year ago, and hooked up once. She says, even though she’s thirty-three, but Botox makes her look twenty-five, so the young guys all want to go out with her. She does a Snapchat update. The girls at TomTom get the post, and Stassi feels uncomfortable. In her interview, she says, it’s awkward AF, and so Scheana, . Getting snaps of Scheana’s new date is enough to make a male model’s head explode. Ethan says it’s been two years since Scheana was married, and she says she’s just been doing her. Ariana tells Adam that Scheana sent a video, and he wants to see it. Scheana asks Ethan if he was ever in threesome. He says, um… what about her? In her interview, she says in her early Hollywood years, she had some fun times. Ethan toasts to the dinner. Scheana tells him that she was never that girl who needed to be married, and wants to be an independent woman. This, coming from the same woman who had her wedding photo blown up to the size of a wall. She asks how long he’s in town, and he says, three and half weeks. She asks if he wants to hook up again, and he says, if it happens, it happens. Tom asks Adam if he’d have a harder time being with her, or watching her go off with someone else. Adam says he tries not to think about it. It sucks and it’s uncomfortable AF. He’ll see how it goes. Tom says they’re definitely screwing. Scheana and Ethen make out on her bed.

Lala meets Lisa at TomTom. Lisa approves of Lala’s outfit, saying last time at SUR, she looked like she was sponsoring a brothel. Lala takes that as a compliment, but Lisa says she’s seeing a mature man, and she wants him to be proud of the way she handles things. She says she let Lala’s last outburst go. She could have raked Lala over the coals, but they’d both been through something tragic. However, it’s not permission to lash out. In her interview, she understands that Lala is having a hard time. The most important thing is for Lala to be proud of herself, and Lisa doesn’t think she would be, considering how she’s been behaving. She sees Lala’s loyalty, and thinks James benefitted from having her on his side. She can point him in the right direction. In Lala’s interview, she thinks she’s capable of offering direction to someone. If her dad was there to give her advice, he would say forgive and let it go, but it’s hard to do. She tells Lisa that she’s feeling sensitive to people today, so she’ll text him. Lisa tells her, grab those big ears, and shake him.

Brittany enthusiastically shows Jax her bridesmaids’ favors, even though he can barely pay attention. She already knows she wants Cara to be her maid-of-honor. She’s even thinking of a dance for the bridesmaids. She wants it all. The girls and one dude arrive at the restaurant. Brittany gets excited all over again greeting them. After they’re seated, she has them open a teeny message in a bottle, and Stassi marvels that Brittany made the tiniest scroll ever. Except maybe for that guy who puts things on the heads of pins. Brittany says, everything is on theme. The scrolls reveal the bridesmaids. In her interview, Brittany says the hardest thing was not knowing who to choose as a bridesmaid, and trying to pick. In Kristen’s interview, she says, clearly, she would be the best choice as maid-of-honor. She asks Brittany who’s walking with who. We don’t get that answer, but Brittany tells everyone that Cara is her maid-of-honor, and Katie is her matron-of-honor. In her interview, Kristen says that she’s jealous, but Cara had a twenty year head start, and Katie is married, so there’s that. Brittany has everyone open a gift box at the same time. Inside, is a rose under a glass dome. Stassi says, it’s just like Beauty and the Beast. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Jax is like the Beast; big, sweaty, and terrible manners. But the Beast loved Belle, and turned into Prince Charming, so you never know.

Lala asks talk to James outside. She wanted check up on him. A lot has come his way, and he crashed hard. She had a conversation with Lisa, and thought she should talk to him. He drifts, and she asks him to pay attention. She says she can’t stop giving a sh*t about someone, and wants to know where his headspace is. James says he’s good. He’s still working on himself. She tells him they can talk about the things she’s done to people, but wants him to know she’s not sitting on her high horse. She asks him again to pay attention, but he says it’s hard to make eye contact with someone he hasn’t spoken to lately. In his interview, he says he misses their friendship, but if he put this Lala next to that one, she’s a completely different person – for the worse. Lala doesn’t want to see him down and out, and getting kicked when he’s not fighting back anymore. He’s not the James she knows. She tells him when he wants to lash out, pick up the phone. James says he’ll probably call his therapist. Lala thinks he seems defeated, and sees him spiraling. She’s speaking from a place she’s been in on her own, and she doesn’t want that to happen to him. If he needs someone who understands, he knows her phone number. In her interview, Lala says he’s not ready to take ownership and accountability, but at some point, he has to own up to his own sh*t, look in the mirror, stop pointing fingers, and listen to her. He thanks her for the chat. In James’s interview, he says even if he wanted the friendship back, Lala isn’t the same, and he doesn’t trust her not to be how she’s been recently. He’s over it. He’s done.

Brittany introduces college friend Lyndi, and says Cara introduced her to Jax. Scheana is busy on her phone, and says Adam hates her, because now is the time to bring up Scheana stuff. Ariana asks how her date went, and after drawing this attention to herself, Scheana says, today is about Brittany. Brittany thought it was okay with Adam if Scheana dated. Scheana says he’s mad. What happened to, don’t ask, don’t tell? I’m double-minded here. She said she wouldn’t post about it, yet still sent the other girls a video, and basically rubbed his nose in it. But he also asked to see it when she sent it to her friends. He didn’t have to look. Either way though, he has every right to be mad. Katie says Adam has feelings for Scheana. Scheana says he hates her now, and he’s her best friend. Stassi says Scheana claims Adam is her best friend, and they’re also having sex. It’s a relationship. Scheana doesn’t want to talk about it. Brittany says her bridesmaid thing is over. Now it’s girl time, because she’s the loveliest human being on earth. Since Jax is a frontrunner in being the worst human being on earth, we’ll see if good ultimately triumphs over evil.

Jax brings future dad-in-law Don dad to TomTom. There are a bunch of brothers, but I only catch the names Wes and Blake. Jax says all he has to do is show up to the wedding, the way it is for most grooms. He thinks it seems like a lot of work. They’re in an open-air section, and Don says it’s a good thing it’s not raining. Wes or Blake says it rains money in LA. Don says it seems like the big rock Jax gave Brittany is important, but what’s important to him is the faithfulness behind it. In Jax’s interview, he says he knew this would happen. Jax admits it’s terrible that it took his dad’s passing for him to figure this sh*t out. Don says he screwed up royally, which didn’t please him at all, and probably no one else was pleased. Jax says he was going through personal issues. Don wants to know Jax is trying, and doing his best. That’s his concern. In his interview, Jax knows he screwed up, but how many times is he going to get the third degree? Jax brings up the bachelor party, and Don says, surely, he’s not invited. Jax says. bad things are going to happen. The brother I think is Wes, says if Jax screws up, they’ll make his life a living hell. Don asks if he got everyone’s blessing. Possibly Wes asks if he’s going to love and cherish Brittany the way they do. In his interview, inching forward in the running for worst human, Jax says he doesn’t know what decade they live in, or maybe it’s how they do things in Kentucky, that you always take care of your spouse. He clearly does not know the meaning of the word spouse either. He asks, what about him? Shouldn’t Brittany love and cherish him? and Wes (I think) says Brittany does love and cherish Jax. Jax says he’s not going anywhere, and maybe Wes says it comes down to how they talk to each other. Jax says it’s hard for him. He needs to have the last word. He says he loves Brittany more than anything, and because we can add stupidest human being on the earth, he adds he has to take care of himself first. He’ll always be number one.

Next time – the finale, and it’s a lot – Schwartz shows Katie a TomTom onesie, Scheana says Adam won’t speak to her, Ariana says she’s talking to Lisa, the engagement party happens, Raquel tells James that he has to change his approach with everyone, Lisa tells Ariana to lighten up, and Adam confronts Scheana.

👑 The Game In a Nutshell…

On Game of Thrones, it was the night before the war, and what might be the last night of anyone’s or everyone’s life. Brienne saved Jaime’s neck by vouching for him, and Dany and Sansa made nice because they both love Jon. Tormund showed up, and made googly eyes at Brienne. Arya saw that the Hound was back, but no more roadshow for them. Arya is all growed up now, and since it might be their last night, wanted to know what it was like – with Gendry. When she started asking him for his sexual history, I was like, is she…? Yes, she was. Tyrion noted the irony that most of them had fought the Starks at one time or another, and now they were defending them. Tormund didn’t understand why Brienne couldn’t be a knight, and Jaime pointed out that you didn’t need a king to knight someone, only another knight. Brienne of Tarth became a Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, and we all got misty-eyed. Podrick sang a song around the campfire, and Missandei kissed Grey Worm goodbye. Then the hard part. Jon told Dany about his heritage. She acknowledged that if it was true – only his best friend and brother had confirmed it – that he would be heir to the Iron Throne. But before there could be further discussion and reaction, everyone got called off to war. The dead had arrived.

🙇 Best quote: Jaime: Everything I did, I did for my house and my family. I’d do it all again. Bran: The things we do for love.

💭 A Possible Theory…

Could Podrick’s song be a clue to the finale?


📡 Some Commentary…

Be sure to check out the behind-the-scenes video. My favorite subtitle: ♫ somber music plays ♫


👄 For Your Amusement…

A recap from Betches you could definitely hang out with.


🎶 And For Your Listening Pleasure…

Podrick sings Jenny of Oldstones.




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