What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
The Ball begins. The nurses sing You Got the Best of My Love, with Epiphany, Deanna, and Amy doing solos. Nurses we’ve never seen before do some wicked dancing. I love the Ball, and seeing everyone do something they don’t normally. I’m really looking forward to Chase. Confetti falls at the end of the number to much applause.
Lucy welcomes everyone, and thanks them. She hopes they brought their wallets. Every dime goes to fight HIV and AIDS. She tells them fasten their seatbelts. They’re in for a wild ride.
Ava asks Scotty why he thought Lucy would be there. He asks why does she think? Doc says, it’s becoming obvious. Scotty says he saw Doc sneaking off with Lucy. Ava says, that’s odd, since she was with him when a staff member said someone fainted on the red carpet. She takes it that was Lucy. Doc says Lucy was wearing a lacy negligee, and Scotty says it’s a good outfit to faint in. Ava says he burst in like he expected to say, ah-ha! Caught you. Scotty says why wouldn’t he? Doc is all wrong for Ava.
Mike and Yvonne thank Sonny for including them. Mike thinks it’s the best way to celebrate their engagement, show off his fiancé. Carly looks at the ring.
Chase and Willow join Finn, who’s looking glum at the bar. Chase asks if he’s okay, and he says he’s fine. Chase asks Willow for some privacy, and tells Finn to propose without the ring. While Anna is saying yes, he’ll arrest Robert for stealing it in the first place.
Neil sees Alexis, and sits with her. She says she had no idea they’d be sitting at the same table. He’s probably the only person who can keep her from tearing Shiloh’s head off. Neil is surprised Shiloh is there, and Alexis points him out. Sam is taking pictures, and Shiloh says he didn’t take her for being a selfie girl. She says she’s not, but just got caught up in the moment.
Spinelli tells Jason the surveillance equipment is state of the art. They have all that they need to hear everything the instant it’s happening. Jason gets a text from Sam, saying she’s at the Ball with Shiloh. Spinelli says, excellent. The plan is working. In the meantime, they have to make sure no other members are at the DOD house.
Kristina suggests watching a movie, but Josslyn doesn’t care. She says Kristina doesn’t have to babysit her. Kristina says Josslyn is doing her favor. She doesn’t want to feel like a coward for skipping the Ball, but she doesn’t feel like a fancy party, so she appreciates keeping Josslyn company. Josslyn says, bring on the popcorn.
Jax tells Carly, Josslyn is fine; he just texted her. Cameron arrives, and asks if Josslyn is coming. Jax says she thought about it, but decided not to. Carly thinks, it’s a little soon after Oscar. She’ll tell Josslyn that he asked about her.
Felicia tells Anna that she didn’t say who her date was. Finn or Robert? Anna says she came with Finn. She loves Finn. She doesn’t know what Robert is doing, but it has to stop.
Mac sees Robert, and says he wasn’t expecting Robert to show up with Finn and Anna. He doesn’t think they did either. Robert insists it was a coincidence.
Mike introduces Yvonne to Bobbie, who tells them, best wishes and congratulations. She admires Yvonne’s ring.
Finn tells Chase, if everything works out, and Anna says yes, all is forgiven. Chase asks, what if she doesn’t? and Finn says he might not have to arrest Robert anyway. Finn sees Yvonne showing off the ring.
Alexis introduces Neil to Jax. Jax asks how he knows Alexis, and Alexis says, he doesn’t. Not in the way Jax thinks. It’s just a coincidence they’re sitting together. He’s a therapist. Jax asks if he’s seeing Alexis, and she says, yes; no. He’s treating her. This isn’t social. Well, it is, but… She shrugs. Neil takes it that Jax is an old friend. Jax says, his ex-wife actually.
Finn is sorry to take Sonny away from his family, but Sonny says whatever he’s going through seems important. Finn says, a little. The lady with Sonny’s father, the ring she’s wearing, it’s his. It’s special. He hates to do this, but he needs it back.
Anna wants to talk to Robert in private. He says, sounds important. She says, it is, and it’s not a joke.
Cameron sees a llama eating at the craft service table. He calls out, anybody lose a llama? He tells the llama, hold on one sec. He puts his guitar in the corner. He doesn’t want it messed up if this goes disastrous, which it probably will. Cameron doesn’t want to interrupt the llama’s snack, but someone could startle him, and he could get hurt. He’s going to grab the llama’s rope, and find out where he belongs. Cameron takes the llama’s lead, and pets him. He says, pretty weird, being backstage. The llama must feel out of place. Him too. He had this friend, and he died. It just seems so brutally unfair. Why is he the lucky one and gets to be alive? He guesses the question he should be asking is, what does he do with the life he has, and make the most of his chances? He’s going to start by finding out where the llama belongs. Felix comes in, and says, Budgie! He tells Cameron that Budgie thinks he’s a llama, and wandered off. They were frantic. He tells Budgie that his trailer awaits. Cameron tells Budgie, nice talking to you.
Ava says she can’t tell Scotty how much his loyalty and friendship mean to her. He says she wants him to keep out of her business. She says she and Doc know what they’re doing. Scotty says, the last time she said that, she ended up with Ryan. See how that turned out? Doc suggests they not miss any more of the Ball. They leave, and Scotty says, Lucy! the way Seinfeld used to say, Newman!
Sam tells Shiloh he looks good in his tux. At their table, Chase asks how Willow is holding up. she says, it would be a perfect night, but for Shiloh being here. At another table, Michael tells Sasha about being one of Milo’s Magic Wands. He didn’t pick the name. Sasha asks if Valentin performs, and he says, usually fully clothed.
Anna asks Robert why he ambushed her. He says he had to find some way to get in, but she’s not buying it. She says he purposely made it look like they came together. He says, so? and she says they didn’t do that. Finn is her date, and he’s being exasperating as an ex-husband.
Peter is glad he ran into Sam. He wanted to tell her about her sister Molly pitching an idea to him for an exposé. As in depth and hard-hitting of a piece as Lulu did on Ryan Chamberlain.
Scotty tells Lucy that she was supposed to get Doc in a compromising position. She tells him, don’t blame her. He was supposed to get Ava up to the suite sooner. She’s still just as determined to consciously uncouple Doc and Ava, but her first priority is the Ball.
Doc tells Ava that they should have expected something like that. She says maybe they would have if the relationship was real, and not a brilliant ruse to get Ryan out of hiding.
Anna says Robert sat next to her, and he says it was the seat he was assigned. She says he could have switched with Felicia or Mac. He says she’s right; he’s a bad boy. Can he go back now? She says not until they’ve dealt with the actual problem. He asks what that would be, and she says, even with all their history, especially with all their history, he can’t expect her try again with him.
Mike introduces Yvonne to Epiphany, who comments on what a rock Yvonne has. Yvonne says, it’s beautiful, and Epiphany says not as beautiful as her. Mike smiles proudly.
Kristina tells Josslyn, maybe a comedy? Josslyn says, this is a comedy. Kristina says, it’s not funny though; is it? Josslyn sees where it’s supposed to be or would be. Kristina says, if they weren’t both miserable? She knows she’s said it already, but it’s just them right now. She’s sorry about Oscar. Josslyn thanks her, and says, it actually helps when you’re hurting to know people care. Kristina wishes she’d realized that sooner. She could have saved them, and herself, a lot of trouble.
Jason and Spinelli go to the DOD house. They walk in, and Spinelli says Jason wasn’t kidding. They really do leave their door unlocked. Jason says, it’s Shiloh’s policy – except when he’s with Sam. He tells Spinelli that everything has to be perfect. Sam is setting Shiloh up tonight.
Sam and Shiloh sit at Peter’s table, and he introduces Shiloh to Lulu. Sam says Peter really blindsided her, saying Molly was writing a story. Lulu asks what it’s about, and Peter says, it’s a new organization that just opened up in Port Charles. It’s called Dawn of Day.
Peter says Molly is still in college, and will need mentoring. Lulu says she’d be happy to take Molly under her wing, but she knows nothing about DOD. Peter says Shiloh can fill her in. He’s their leader. Shiloh says, there is no leader per se. Maxie comes by, and tells him, save it. She asks why Sam is with him. Sam says she doesn’t judge Maxie’s dates, so she’d appreciate the same from Maxie. Maxie says, he only has one name, and it means he who has been sent. Sam says, it’s just a name, and Maxie says, it’s a perfect name for the leader of a cult.
Josslyn is checking out the Nurses Ball on her phone. Kristina says, any scandals? and Josslyn says, it wouldn’t be the Nurses Ball without them. Kristina looks at the phone, and asks, what is Sam doing there with Shiloh?
Spinelli tells Jason, it’s looking good. They’re getting signals from all devices. Jason’s phone rings, and they jet out of the house. Jason says, it’s Kristina. He asks if she’s okay, and she says, Sam is at the Nurses Ball with Shiloh. Jason tells her, calm down, but she says Jason has to get Sam away from him. Jason says, trust him. It will all work out. She says, it won’t, and hangs up. Honestly, you’d think Kristina could figure this out.
Chase tells Willow that he has to prepare for his performance, but not to let Shiloh get to her. Or Nina. He leaves, and Sasha asks what he meant about Nina. Willow says she hasn’t been asked back to the elementary school. Sasha says, she was fired because of Nina? Willow says, there were several reasons, but one of them was Nina. Michael says there are a lot of private schools there. He’s sure she can get references from community leaders. She says she couldn’t impose, and Sasha tells her, don’t argue. Michael is a relentlessly decent guy. Resistance is futile.
Nina wonders if Michael can get Sasha to stay in Port Charles. Valentin didn’t realize things were happening so quickly between Sasha and Michael. Nina says it happened between them quickly. Maybe it’s an inherited trait. They kiss.
Robert says Anna thinks he wants them try again? She says, don’t deny it. She loves him, and always will, but she has to say no. She can’t marry him. She’s in love with Finn. Robert gets that, and she tells him, stop pursuing her. What they had is in the past. She walks away.
Sonny and Finn approach Mike. Sonny tells Mike, there’s a problem with the ring. It’s a fake. Mike bought a bum ring. Mike says he didn’t. Is Sonny sure? Sonny says, positive. Mike says he can’t take the ring back. It will break Yvonne’s heart. Finn understands, and has a suggestion. He shows Mike the replacement ring, and asks what he thinks. Sonny says, it’s a beautiful ring; the real deal. He can just explain the situation to Yvonne, and everything will be okay.
Lucy hopes everyone is having fun. She wants them to welcome back the next performer. Everyone has really anticipated his performance. Last year, he brought down the house. This detective has moves so arresting, he makes you want to write bad checks. Chase sings Something Just Like This. He’s so good, and definitely has the moves. He motions for Willow to come up. She shakes her head, but he brings her up on stage. Even though they didn’t rehearse, and as far as I know, have never even danced together, they dance perfectly. Sam smiles. Shiloh, not so much. Chase and Willow kiss.
Finn asks if he can talk to Robert, and Robert says, if he must. He says, despite Robert’s best efforts to sabotage him, he’s still proposing to Anna with the ring he intended to give her. Robert says, goody; he found it. He doesn’t suppose he can have the one back he replaced it with. Finn says, if only he could. Robert says, let him guess. Finn lost it. Finn says he knows exactly where it is, but don’t worry. Robert will be pleased to know it went to a good cause.
Yvonne says she likes the ring Mike gave her, but this one is so much better. Mike says, that’s all that matters. Sonny says they have to go back to Turning Woods, and Carly says they’ll walk Yvonne and Mike out. Mike hangs back, and says he and Sonny did a number last year, right? Sonny says they sure did, and Mike says Summer Wind. It was a good night. Sonny says, the best, and they hug. I wish they’d sing again, but I guess that’s not happening.
Lucy sees Cameron, and asks if he spoke with Josslyn. He says, no, and Lucy says he should know she’s not performing. Is he okay? He says he’s good to go, and she tells him, the show has to go on. She thanks him for saving her llama.
Everyone applauds as Chase and Willow go back to their table. Willow says, it was amazing. She had so much fun, but he’d better watch out. Groupies of all ages will be throwing themselves at him. He says, of all the screaming fangirls in the world, there’s only one woman for him.
Carly tells Jax that Josslyn said he looked handsome. He says, she’s a brave girl, and Carly says, the bravest. He thinks they should honor that courage, and not go home to check on her. She says they’re still texting though, right? He says, every half hour, and she says, his turn.
Cameron goes to Sonny’s house. Josslyn says his tux looks great. He says, no disasters yet. He has an Uber outside. The driver is really nice, and said she’d wait if Josslyn wants to change and come. Josslyn says, thanks, but she’d feel like more of a loser if she showed up and didn’t sing. She can’t. She thought about it, and even tried practicing, but it’s a duet. She can’t sing it without Oscar. Cameron gets it. He didn’t come to guilt her, but he brought her a message from Oscar.
In the hallway, Shiloh tells Sam that he needed a breather from her friend. Sam says Maxie isn’t so much a friend. Shiloh says, she called DOD a cult (like that’s never happened before), but he can’t hold Sam responsible. She gets his mission. Kristina appears, and tells Shiloh, get the hell away from her.
Spinelli and Jason get back to the MetroCourt. Spinelli says, mission accomplished. They have every inch of DOD wired, but they can’t be sure Shiloh will incriminate himself. Jason says, it doesn’t matter. This ends tonight.
Lucy talks about Robin. Robert tells Finn that Anna is about to speak. He’s Robin’s father, and he’s joining her on stage. Lucy says they love Robin, and miss her, but they’re fortunate that, in her absence, they have her also extraordinary mother there to tell them the importance of what tonight is all about. Anna takes the stage. She says her daughter is a woman of passion, a fighter, and a healer. Passion, fight, and healing are what the Nurses Ball is all about. Robin was diagnosed with HIV in 1995; a death sentence at that time. It’s taken the lives of so many loved ones, in particular, Stone, but her daughter’s death sentence became a life sentence. Where there’s life, there’s hope, and she doesn’t want them to forget, that’s the true meaning behind tonight – hope.
In the wings, Robert tells Finn that, Anna is one incredible woman. He’d better make her happy. All of a sudden, the ring rolls out and stops at her feet. Finn looks at Robert.
Tomorrow, Finn proposes to Anna, Lucy says something fishy is going on, and Sonny tells Shiloh to stay away from his daughter.
Vanderpump Rules – The Reunion – Part Three
We rewind a little to where Andy asks James if he’s still helping his family. Kristen says they act like he’s the only one helping his family. Katie says she’s been going through a helluva ride, and his parents got divorced, poor thing. Kristen says, he was raised by effing a-holes, but Lisa tells her, don’t talk like that; it’s going too far. James walks out, saying, he’s not listening to sh*t about his family without ripping someone’s head off. Lisa tells the group, take a breath. They’re not doing themselves any favors. Andy says Kristen keeps jumping into every question.
Lisa tells James, don’t walk away. He’ll lose the battle. He says he’s already won. She says he’s part of the show. He needs to pull himself together, and defend himself. Katie says people hate her because she stood up for herself. People told her to kill herself because she did something to James’s family. Lala says they need to quit talking about people’s parents. Lisa comes back with James, and asks if they’re good now.
Andy wisely changes the subject. He asks about Lala’s anxiety attacks, and she says they were driven by alcohol. We flash back to her freak-out at dinner in Mexico. She says she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. She wasn’t near Rand, her mom was far away, and her dad was gone. Andy says Scheana claimed everyone was up Lala’s ass, and treated her like she could do no wrong even before her dad passed away. He asks if Scheana has any examples, except for Lala not wanting to make out with her. We flash back to Scheana griping about that. Scheana thinks she had some insecurities, and felt like all of Lala’s other friends came first. Lala says she never wants Scheana to feel like her friendship is on the back burner. If she needs to try harder, she’ll make that happen.
Andy asks how Schwartz felt when he and Katie took the lead in the controversy surrounding inviting white Kanye to Mexico. Schwartz says he didn’t think it would be a problem. He thought enough time had passed, that it was safe. He was caught in the moment; he’s a softie. Andy asks how it made James feel when Tom got the brunt of the blame. Ariana says, in reality, they agreed. Schwartz says he knew he effed up, and it was a moment of cowardice. Katie’s voice is scary, and he didn’t know what to do. Andy asks why James would want to go somewhere, that clearly, several people didn’t want him to. He says he as curious. He’d been on all the trips. The Miami trip was fantastic. The group thought he’d be the liability of the Hawaii trip. We flash back to Jax saying James is obnoxious. James says he laughed when Jax got arrested. He wasn’t the liability. He became an international DJ when he worked in Mexico. It was all happening. He thought he’d earned the right to go on the next trip, and at the time, it hurt his feelings.
Moving on. Andy brings up Katie and Tom’s fight, where Tom blamed Katie for James losing his job and called her a bully. He asks if Tom thinks she’s responsible for James losing his job. James says, it’s irrelevant. It doesn’t mean what he did was okay, or he’s right, but Tom was pissed at the ultimatum and outcome. Tom says he thought if Katie hadn’t said anything, James wouldn’t have lost his job. It was bottled up in him. Schwartz says, back in the day, she said come pretty rough things. We flash back to Katie calling Lala a whore, and telling Schwartz, no wonder his d*ck doesn’t work. Schwartz says she’s a changed person. She’s come a long way, and matured. He loves her. Andy says Katie’s go-to insult is critiquing his d*ck. We see a clip of Schwartz saying he has a classic penis. Andy says they’re going to say it so much, it won’t work. Schwartz says it’s a nice, old-fashioned penis. Andy says Katie was penis shaming.
Andy welcome Stassi’s beau, Beau. He asks Beau if his suit is more comfortable than the dinosaur outfit. Beau says he has the dinosaur costume with him, but Stassi said. We go down the Memory Lane of Stassi’s exes, and see clips of their various antics. Jax flipped off everyone at SUR. Frank threatened to pull a customer’s underwear over his head. Patrick made unwanted comments on Lisa’s ass. Andy asks, where does Beau rank? He says Lisa loves him, and even tweeted that she loves her some Beau. Lisa says he’s lucky to have Stassi too. She’s bright and beautiful, but with her insecurities, thinks she’ll screw up. She wants Stassi to get it out of her head. Andy says Stassi put Patrick on a pedestal, and then said in her podcast that he’d cheated. Katie is shocked, saying she didn’t know about this. Stassi says the day she was moving from NYC to L.A,, she was using Patrick’s computer, and found texts between him and some, like, model that were very explicit. She didn’t want to just slink out, since she’d just told everyone she was in a new relationship. She was mortified. Beau is happy she did it. Andy asks if she made Beau happy, and Beau says, she did. Andy asks if Beau watched show when they started dating. Beau says he watched the pilot to see what he was getting into. Andy asks if it didn’t scare him, and Beau says, eff yeah. Kristen set them up. She and Beau met when she was doing an independent film, and they kissed. We see some clips from The Loneliness of the Long Distance Dreamer. Andy asks if it went further, but that’s a no. Jax says, this is the most incestuous group ever.
Andy asks about the first night in Mexico, when Stassi was arguing about going to bed. How does Beau keep cool when Stassi goes off the deep end? Beau says he gets help from friends. Andy asks what triggers Stassi’s rages? and Beau says, alcohol, Adderall past influence in relationships. He’s done nothing to make her think he’d do something shady. Andy says Stassi gave him a hard time at the club for encouraging her to have fun with her friends. Stassi says, all the girls were dancing, and she had on a maxi dress with oatmeal-colored Spanx that she’d cut the crotch out of so she could use the bathroom. She didn’t want everyone to look up and see. She didn’t feel hot, and Beau annoyed her when he kept telling her to go. She said no. He says he didn’t know she was wearing oatmeal-colored Spanx with the crotch cut out. Stassi says it’s embarrassing to say. Andy reminds Beau that he said he felt like a battered boyfriend, which was brutal. It was just over and over again. The dark passenger snapped at the club, and his bottled feelings came out at the hotel. The old stuff and Stassi’s insecurities combined with alcohol makes the dark passenger come out. He doesn’t think it’s some deep persona thing. Andy asks who’s scarier; the dark passenger or tequila Katie. Schwartz thinks it’s Katie, but says the two of them could take over the world. Andy asks if it makes Stassi feel at risk of losing Beau if she doesn’t change her behavior. Stassi says, yes. She wants to find out what’s making her life this. She’s hurting her friends, Beau, and herself. She’s not taking Adderall again. Andy asks Beau if her behavior has changed, and they both say yes. Andy brings up Stassi’s mother telling her not to be herself or she’ll mess it up. Beau says he had no idea why her mother would say something like that. Stassi says it sticks with her, and she thinks something’s totally wrong with herself. Andy adds insult to injury by reminding Stassi that her mother also said she hoped Stassi would grow up to be half the woman Kristen is. We flash back to that. Stassi says she didn’t know about it, and it was hard to watch. Andy asks where she and her mother stand now. Stassi says they didn’t speak for eight months, but just this past weekend, she went to her sister’s bridal shower, and they talked. Her mother apologized and took ownership of what she’d done, and they both cried. It was awesome, and she’s happy about it, since she missed her mom. Everyone gets a little teary. Well, probably not James.
Andy says Jax seemed freaked out when the women arrived at the guy’s weekend. Jax says he felt guilty just being in the same room with them. He knows just because things are okay now, he still has work to do, and he’s treading water. He told Beau that the girls would probably be mad if they tell them, but they’ll find out anyway, so they’d better. Stassi says it was the right choice, but she wanted to FaceTime with those skanks. We move on to Kristen, and flash back to her freefalling in wine country. Andy says she got triggered by James DJing a party at PUMP. Does that really affect her? She wishes it didn’t. She thought she was fine. James tells her to get over it. He says she’s obsessed with him, and she has to get over him. Stassi sticks by saying she thinks it was really Carter that was the problem, and doesn’t think Kristen is obsessed with James. He triggered it, but they all knew what was going on with Carter. We see clips of Kristen complaining. Kristen insists it wasn’t about her and Carter, and she got upset when Stassi intermixed the two. Andy asks what issue broke Carter and Kristen up, and she says he didn’t respect her enough to pay his way. She felt taken advantage of. Beau thinks that Kristen vents so much about the bad, it’s all they hear. They never heard the good stuff. Andy says the girls accused Kristen of fighting in private, and acting like everything was okay in public. She says Carter was trying to make a shift; whatever it took. It doesn’t matter what caused it. Stassi says it does to her. It should be what Kristen wants, and not because of what other people think. Kristen says they made a choice not to be together. Andy reminds Kristen that she said if she ever gets married, it would be to Carter. She stands by that, and admits they still live together. Their dog was mauled by a Pitbull and she needed him. They don’t sleep in same bed every night, and they’ve only had sex twice. Andy says, it’s confusing. Stassi says they’re like Scheana and Adam. Scheana says they’re best friends, but they sleep together. Kristen says Stassi’s tough love doesn’t work for her. She doesn’t know how get him out. She cries alone, because they’re annoyed, and she’s afraid to call. Katie says Kristen is settling to be unhappy. She’s trying to make herself happy in a situation that’s no good for her. Kristen says she listened to Katie and Schwartz for eight years, and never walked away. Katie says they’re not walking away. Andy asks if the issue is that she should just get Carter’s ass out of the house. Kristen says it’s none of their business, but Katie says Kristen wants Carter to love her, and made it her business for over two years. Forgive her for having an opinion. Kristen says she does. Andy says Beau was friends with Patrick before he dated Stassi. How’s that going now? Beau says they text once in a while, but it’s been hard since Stassi’s break from him. Stassi says Patrick is scared of her. Andy tells her social media says Beau is the best thing for her; an upgrade from Jax. Stassi says she and Jax both upgraded. Andy asks Stassi if it’s hard to be not the most liked person in the relationship. She says she’s getting used to it. Stassi says she got everything she told her friends that she wanted. She wanted someone who could be friends with her friends, and do the same things she likes to do; an actual partner. Beau whispers, I love you, and Stassi returns the whisper. Everyone is like, aww! On that note, it’s time for Beau to skedaddle.
Andy says in the Mexican hotel, Schwartz’s balls were as big as anything. We flash back to Schwartz and Katie’s fight. Andy wonders where that all came from, and Schwartz said it had built up. The last rumblings of pent up resentment from early on, and was like one least burp. It was cathartic, but he felt terrible. Andy says the root of what Katie was saying is that he was working so hard, and she wanted to spend time Lisa says lot of people have jobs, and are still committed. Katie says Schwartz isn’t good at listening. Before Andy wraps up the Mexico conversation, he wants to know if Schwartz’s grand romantic gesture, of a violinist and junk food, worked. Did they make mad passionate love? Katie says she had Montezuma’s Revenge. Schwartz says he was on the verge, and Jax says they all had severe anal leakage. Andy is like, alrighty then.
He says when he thinks of rivalries, he thinks of the Hatfields and McCoys, the Red Sox and the Yankees, and Kristen and Ariana. He asks Tom if it’s weird seeing his ex and current girlfriends being friends. He says, it’s not that bad. Brittany wonders which is weirder; Tom and James being friends, or Ariana and Kristen. Ariana thinks the most weird thing is Jax and Tom being friends. Tom doesn’t think it’s weird, considering the other people who have made up. Andy asks if Kristen still thinks that Tom and Ariana did something inappropriate when she and Tom were together. She does, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Ariana says they did kiss in a pool in Vegas, so there was that.
Andy says from the moment Jax proposed, Brittany was planning her engagement party. He asks if she had the fairytale theme in mind already. She says she knew she would get married in a castle, so it followed the theme. Andy asks why the bigger Bridezilla will be; Brittany or Jax? Stassi says Brittany is Brattany. She knows what she wants. If she wants a cherry blossom tree that has to be shipped in from Japan, it’s going to happen. We find out Lala has become a bridesmaid. Brittany says she felt badly about it, because they are really close. She and the girls all have a bond. They understand each other and what they’re all going through better than anyone. Andy asks how many bridesmaids she has, and Brittany says, eleven bridesmaids and one bridesman. Andy asks why Kristen thought she should be maid-of-honor. Kristen says Brittany’s brother had said she was Brittany’s best friend in LA, so she figured it was a sure thing. Brittany says it breaks her heart that Kristen felt that way, but thought it was more appropriate for Katie to take that role. Stassi tells Ariana that she’s not picking bridesmaids. It’s too stressful.
Andy was impressed with Lisa’s beer bong. Lisa says there’s nobody else she’d do that for, and she’s never doing it again. It shot ninety miles an hour down her throat. We flash back to her burp, and Andy says, it was a great exit.
Andy points out that Tom ticked off a list of lies Jax has told over the years in the finale. Andy asks if Jax heard about it, and he says, no. Brittany reminds him that they watched the episode together. They laughed about it, because it was true. Brittany tells Andy that Jax would never say he didn’t eff up in the past. Tom says Jax had a Chanel fragrance ad in his portfolio for as long as Tom has known him, and it’s way not him. Stassi says, it doesn’t look like you, but omg, cool! Tom says something about Channing Tatum rooming with Jax, and Jax insists it’s true. It was in the beginning of his career. Tom says he was a model before Jax, and Channing was blowing up after doing a Mountain Dew ad. Jax says that’s when he left. He was nineteen, and it was a big deal. My high school boyfriend was roommates with Christopher Reeve before he was Superman, so it’s possible. Andy asks Lisa how she thinks Jax will do as a married man. She hopes well. She thinks Brittany is his best asset. She knows how control him to a certain extent. Jax says he’s still a work in progress, but he’s devoted to changing. Andy says he’s heard Jax say he was a work in progress before, but Jax says he always will be. No matter how much he changes, that old person will always be there. Lisa comparing him to Ken was an honor. Lisa says it wasn’t a positive, but Jax thinks it’s a compliment because Ken came out the other side, and he’s a great dude.
Andy says the engagement party meant something else to Scheana. Scheana says she’s never seen Adam that angry. We flash back to that, and Scheana says that’s what triggered her emotions. She never thought he’d speak to her again. Andy tells her that she kept saying she and Adam were just friends, but when he wasn’t giving her enough attention, she set up a date with a hot model. Lisa says it’s the worst choice she ever made. Well, there is Shay. Andy says then she got Adam’s attention. He asks if she was interested in Ethan or was she just setting up Adam to pay attention. Scheana says she met Ethan on Watch What Happens Live in LA. He was one of the guys who was fanning NeNe. They’ve been talking since then, which really didn’t answer the question. They discuss Botox, which Stassi says Scheana has been getting since she was twelve. Scheana says she’s going to be thirty-three, and this is how she can get a twenty-five year old. Andy says she looks great, but she’s still young, and he thinks Botox makes you look older. I think it just makes you look freaky. Not to leave any personal stone unturned, Andy asks if she was thinking about Adam while having sex with Ethan. She admits he crossed her mind, and she felt badly about it. Andy asks how Adam reacted to the penguin, and she says he loves penguins like Stassi loves ranch dressing. It worked. She’s continued dating other people, but he hasn’t been with anyone. I wonder, how is this working? and also why Andy doesn’t ask, since he’s been so intrusive. Andy asks her about Adam not going downtown, and she says they’d go right to it without much foreplay. Lisa thinks in a relationship, if you’re not willing to go downtown, it’s a huge disrespect. Scheana says he did it the next day. There’s a TMI explosion in my head.
Andy says Brittany’s whole family was in town for the engagement party. He knows her mom and memaw love Jax, but where does he stand with the other members of the family. Brittany says she was surprised when she saw the footage, and didn’t like how Jax treated them. We see the clip where Jax says he’ll always be number one. She says she screamed bloody murder. Don’t disrespect her family. Jax agrees that he was inappropriate, but says there was a lot of pressure, and he was also entertaining his sister. He was having a couple of drinks, and trying to relax, when Brittany’s brothers kept giving him a list of what he needed to do for her. He thought, what about him? Andy asks if anyone got offended when Jax said he bought Brittany’s brother a baby. The vernacular was not great. Brittany says Jax doesn’t know how to speak; he doesn’t have a mom and dad. Andy says he has a mom. He’s not Dr. Phil, but wonders if Jax’s mom is invited to the wedding. Brittany says it’s still up in air. Andy says life is short, and Jax says he knows that. Brittany thinks his mother should try to reach out. She asks what Lisa thinks, and Lisa says she can see his pain, and as a mother, it’s incumbent on her to reach out. Brittany says they wanted to see his dad, and she told them to wait. Jax says he doesn’t have a mother, but Lisa says until recently. It’s going to hurt his mother when she sees this. He should say he wishes she’d reach out. Brittany says, Marie, please reach out. Jax says he’s the only man in the family, and doesn’t understand why she didn’t talk to him. Regardless of what his dad said, he would have called and told them he’s not going to make it; get on a plane. Andy asks how they think his father would feel about the engagement. Jax says he loved Brittany. Brittany says Jenny sent her texts about how he would love her, and she’s saving them forever.
James tells Stassi to get off his d*ck. Stassi says he won’t shut up, and stop telling her to shut up. He has no right to talk to her like that; it’s disgusting. Brittany says, it’s not okay. That’s why he’s never going to be around her again. He was talking about her family. James says Jax was talking sh*t about Raquel, and Andy says Brittany has never said a bad word to him. Why was he taking it out on her? She’s the nicest one in the room. James says he felt like it. He knows it’s not nice, okay? Lisa says, it’s not okay. He asks what she wants him to say. She says he’s going to lose any bit of support he has, and he asks if that’s a threat from her. She tells him that she’s saying, unless he changes, he’s going to lose the support he has. Andy says, James is no longer at SUR, and his relationship with the group has frayed; what’s in store? James says he’s making music, traveling America, and DJing. There’s a lot he’s working on, and he has high, high hopes.
Andy asks Schwartz how he felt about the audience reaction to Katie, and the haters. He says it took willpower not go after them, but he knows better than to feed the trolls. His wife is sexy and beautiful, and he loves her. Suck his classic d*ck.
Peter is standing by with cocktails, along with Ken, who has a tray of memaw’s beer cheese. Andy asks Lisa who she thinks will be first to have a PUMP baby. Shouldn’t that be a SUR baby? She thinks it will be Brittany, and Jax says, she’s already pregnant. Brittany says he’s just kidding. She wants to have fun at the wedding. Andy says nothing is coming between her and having fun at her wedding. They all say, cheers, and Lala toasts with cheese. They don’t seem to like the shots very much, and Brittany tells them, chase it with the beer cheese.
The end. For now
👗 Red Carpet At the Nurses Ball…
They’re all beautiful, but Lulu’s dress gives me life.
🐶 Lisa Goes To the Dogs…
Who needs the Wives when you can be with Giggy?
👑 And If You’re Not All Throned Out…
I’ll bet it was on purpose. It’s like the last day of school, senior year.
The cast says goodbye.
An interesting take.
And my favorite. Throne with a side of snark. I’ll miss this recap.
👫 Interesting Pair…
Apparently, Gina Kirschenheiter (Real Housewives of Orange County) and Danny Trejo (Machete) are in an ad for some kind of ED device.
I couldn’t find a video of the ad, so you get this instead.