June 27, 2019 – Jason’s Great Escape, Website Heart Help, a Finale At Christmastime & Friday Delight

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Running into Sam in the park, Shiloh says he’s had such a good day, nothing can spoil it. Not even her. She asks, why? What happened? Her phone dings. She sees a text from Michael. In BC – Jason 911. Shiloh hopes it’s not bad news. His phone rings. It’s Billy, who says, the Beecher’s Corners PD has a guest – Jason Morgan. Shiloh says Billy knows what to do. Billy tells Jason that he’s in serious trouble. Shiloh asks if Billy is clear on what’s expected, or does he need to be specific? Billy says it will be done right, but he can’t promise it won’t be painless. Shiloh says, he who learns must suffer. Make sure Jason gets a lot of learning in before the end. Billy says he will.

Julian tells Alexis no way is Shiloh getting his hands on Wiley. Alexis asks if he thinks that because the adoption files aren’t there. He says he thinks that because Wiley isn’t Shiloh’s son.

Bobbie reads a pamphlet at reception. Epiphany tells her the shifts are covered, and she won’t have to pull anyone. Bobbie ignores her, and Epiphany asks if she’s okay. She says, sorry. She was just distracted. Epiphany tells her again that they’re fully staffed, and she doesn’t need to transfer any personnel. She asks again if Bobbie is okay, and Bobbie says she’s having a family crisis, but it will work itself out. Everything will be all right. Epiphany says she doesn’t sound convinced. Bobbie says, Lucas has enough to be worried about. He shouldn’t be focused on her. Epiphany asks why Lucas would have cause for concern about her, and Bobbie says she was just diagnosed with type two diabetes.

Drew tells Kim it can’t happen. She says she got things mixed up in her head. She thought they were a package deal; her, him, and Oscar. Drew says, they are. They’re his parents, and that’s not going to change because Oscar is gone, but they can’t recreate that by having another baby. She understands and accepts his decision, but says they can still make a baby and go their separate ways.

Billy tells Jason, hands through the bars. He wanted to take him to a peaceful place, but here is fine. No surveillance or witnesses. Jason attempted to escape, and he did what needed to be done. Michael is brought in, babbling about virtual reality, and acting drunk. Billy asks who’s this? and the cop doesn’t know. He found him wandering around. Michael says, no matter how many virtual trees you have, none of them will ever shade you. Ha-ha! I like this Michael.

Sam tells Shiloh to stay away from her. Shiloh says, something changed. She used to be attracted to his presence. She says she was playing him, and he says, revisionist history. She and Willow can deny how they felt, but he knows the truth. She says he wouldn’t know the truth if it kicked him in the stomach. He says, so defiant; just like Willow, who’s in jail because she wouldn’t disclose the whereabouts of his son. Sam says sounds like her kind of woman. He says he’ll welcome Willow back when she comes to her senses, just like he will Sam. Sam says, when hell freezes over. He says she bears his mark, and she informs him that tattoos can be removed these days. He says she can remove it, but she’ll carry it with her always, regardless. Just like her mother.

Alexis asks what Julian means, and Julian says, what makes a father isn’t DNA; it’s looking after a child, and being there for them. Shiloh has done none of that. Alexis says by that logic, Julian shouldn’t have a relationship with Lucas, but he does. He says so she thinks Shiloh should be allowed to have Wiley? She says she’s trying to figure out what he’s done. She wants him to understand how inherently difficult this is. If Shiloh finds out, there’s no guarantee Lucas and Brad will retain custody. Julian asks what the chances are that Brad and Lucas will hold on to his son.

Bobbie tells Epiphany that she started wondering how she let it happen. All the patients she’s dealt with; how could she not see it in herself? She has to rethink everything. Epiphany says Bobbie needs to come with her someplace private. They can do this as friends, colleagues, or medical professionals, but they’re going to talk.

Kim tells Drew that she had it in her head that because they had a baby, they were meant to be together. She’s sorry; she didn’t mean to put him on the spot. He says, it’s more than that, but she says, it doesn’t have to be. She’s letting him off the hook. Just do this one thing for her. They don’t have to be intimate. There’s artificial insemination. Drew says she wants a child through a lab experiment to raise by herself? She says she did it with Oscar, and he says she raised Oscar by herself because he wasn’t there; she had to. She knows how important it is to Drew to be a father, and he would want to with this child. It’s up to him. Whatever level of involvement he wants. Drew says, what about the hypothetical child? What might they want? Oscar just needed to know his father, and had so many questions. He can’t do that to another kid. She says he can help make Oscar’s brother or sister, and be the father he couldn’t be to Oscar.

Michael is tossed into the cell, and asks what he’s doing there. He didn’t do anything. The cop says, public intoxication, and drunk and disorderly. Michael says, drunk; absolutely. In public, technically true, but he wasn’t disorderly. The cop says he ran into traffic. He’s lucky he didn’t get run down. Billy suggests he give them his name, and they’ll call someone. Michael says, no one understands. Identity is personal; existential. Don’t they read Plato or Aristotle? The cop tells Billy, it’s no use. Ask him anything, and he launches into a bunch of mumbo-jumbo about reality, existence, and the ancient Greeks. Billy says he can sleep it off there. The cop asks what about the other prisoner? and Billy says, don’t worry about him. He’ll deal with him later. They leave, and Jason asks what the hell Michael is doing. Michael says saving him. Jason says, by getting thrown in jail? and Michael says he learned from the best.

Epiphany tells Bobbie that type two is serious. It requires you to be proactive with treating and monitoring it. Bobbie understands and appreciates her concerns… Epiphany says, let her finish. She realizes Bobbie is a nurse, and accustomed to being strong, resilient, and above all, able to cope. Diabetes doesn’t have to change that. Bobbie says, that’s easy to say, but when it comes to living it… Epiphany says, it’s challenging. She should know. She has it.

Drew says it’s not as easy for him, and Kim says, it’s as easy as being happy (which I’m not sure is that easy). Wouldn’t it fill him with joy? He says never wants to have a child to be placeholder. Have them grow up and realize their parents had them out of grief for a lost sibling. He doesn’t want to pin their hopes and dreams on a child. It’s too much pressure for anyone. He’s sorry she’s feeling this way. It kills him to let her down, but he can’t do this.

Julian asks Alexis to put her lawyer hat on and give her professional assessment. What are the odds that Lucas and Brad will keep Wiley? She says she’s never had a case this tricky. He says, that bad, huh? She says as despicable as Shiloh is, he has legal rights. They were violated when Willow had Wiley adopted without consulting him or even letting him know the child existed. His claims are valid. His lawyer is already petitioning the court to unseal the records for Baby Boy Tait. She asks Julian what they’re going to find when they open the file. He says, dummy papers, and Wiley being adopted by people who don’t exist. She asks if he thinks that will be the end of it. Diane’s records will be subpoenaed. She’ll fight it, and it might take years, but eventually, they’ll be turned over. The records will provide sufficient grounds for a DNA test. His tampering made Brad and Lucas complicit. He thought he was improving the situation, but he jeopardized it. There’s a slim chance she can salvage it, provided he doesn’t do anything outside the law. He says, duly noted. She says, and promptly ignored. He says he’s just trying to be there for his kids because he wasn’t there early on. He understands there were extenuating circumstances, but that doesn’t forgive what he did. It could have been different if he’d looked beyond himself. Alexis thinks he’s acting just acting as self-absorbed as ever.

Sam asks what Shiloh just said about her mother. He says he saw Alexis in court, and she lacked her usual composure. She says he tends to do that to people. He thinks she was uneasy about the nature of  Kristina’s Pledge because she believes it had something to do with her. Sam laughs and says, the Pledge is gone. He taps his head, and says, they’re all up there. They’re hard to forget. Sam says there’s no proof; just unsubstantiated memory. He says Kristina’s Pledge might not be important to her, but all the Pledges are to him. Even hers, had it been real. Sam says she’s run a lot of different cons in her time. Some of them on people she despised.  He comes very close to the worst. He asks if she remembers the blindfold exercise they did. He can feel the energy between them. In time, they could make it work. No tricks. Something she and Jason could never have. She asks what he just said about Jason. He says see for herself. Lucas flies out of nowhere, and pushes Shiloh back. He tells Shiloh, stay away from his sister, husband, and son.

Jason asks if Michael doused himself with whiskey. How did he know what happened? Michael says he took Carol’s ankle monitor to the diner. When she came back, she was terrified. She said Billy stopped them just as they were about to leave, and was charging him with kidnapping. Jason asks where she is now, and Michael says, she’s safe. He walked her home. She said it was her fault they got stopped. Jason says, she’s a nice person and took a huge risk. He wanted Billy to focus on him because he doesn’t want Shiloh to retaliate against her. He appreciates the help, but it’s going to get ugly. The cop that brought Michael in seemed okay, but Billy is the exact opposite. He thinks Billy is Shiloh’s enforcer. Michael asks if Jason still knows how to pick a lock. Jason says he needs a paperclip. Michael says he’s ahead of Jason, and takes one out of his shoe.

Alexis says Julian claims to have seen the error of his ways, but inserting himself into this custody situation is just to make him feel better. He asks what he’s supposed to do, and she says, stop helping. Let her do her job. He says her best idea is to notify Shiloh that Wiley is his child. She says, it’s called strategy. Staying one step ahead not playing catch up. He’s a con man and predator, and has everyone on edge, including her. They had a run-in in court, and it made her realize how close he is to pushing her over the edge. Julian asks what he did, and Alexis says, he just did what he does. She gets where he’s coming from, but they need to play it smart. That’s as close to an apology as he’s going to get at this junction. He says, accepted. He trusts her. He just disagrees with her strategy. He thinks they should keep their mouths shut. We’ve left no trail to follow. She says, who’s we?

Lucas asks if Shiloh hasn’t done enough damage. Leave his family alone. Shiloh touched his sister. Leave his family alone or he’ll live to regret it. Sam says Shiloh can’t hurt them anymore, and drags Lucas away.

Bobbie says she had no idea, and Epiphany says there’s no reason she should. She keeps her medical information private. She knows what Bobbie is facing. It knocks you for a loop. She was diagnosed in 2016, and managing it has been rough sometimes, but she’s on top of it. It doesn’t define her. Bobbie says she’s done a wonderful job, but Epiphany says, not always. She followed the guidelines, took her medication, and monitored her sugar, but a diabetic’s heart is at higher risk for a stroke or heart attack. It can happen even if the sugar is under control. She didn’t expect any issues, but about a year after being diagnosed, she had a heart attack.

Drew, say he’s sorry, but Kim says, don’t apologize. It only makes it more humiliating. She’s hurting, and so is he, but he wants to continue hurting. She knows any child they have will be loved. If he doesn’t want to help, fine. She’ll figure out another way. He asks what she means, and she says it doesn’t concern him. He knows it’s none of his business, but thinks she should take a moment. She says she doesn’t have a moment. The clock is ticking. It’s not his problem; she’ll deal with it. He wants to sit down and talk, but she doesn’t want to talk anymore. She just wants to be alone. She opens the door, and he asks if he can call tomorrow. She says, if he wants. She doesn’t look at him as he leaves. She closes the door, and slides to the floor crying.

Kim hears a baby crying. She looks around frantically. Oscar is there, and when he opens his mouth, the baby cry comes from it, reminding me of Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. She covers her face, and when she looks again, he’s gone. She makes a call, and asks someone to come over. She needs to see them.

Jason thinks Michael is too involved; it doesn’t concern him. Michael says it does. Doesn’t Jason thinks he’s trying to protect Wiley? Jason says, of course (🍷). Michael says he thinks about Jonah, but he doesn’t get confused. He’s aware his son is gone, and thinks about the events leading to his birth. He thinks of the night he was born, and how he could have been saved. He might still be alive if Michael had made different choices. He asks himself if he could have saved Jonah. So he has to do everything in his power to save Wiley. Does that make sense? Jason says, perfect sense. He gets the door open, and says, that’s it. They’re free. He quietly slides the door open, then shuts it.

Lucas calls Shiloh an SOB. Sam tells him, stop; take a breath. Yes, he is an SOB, and much more, but although it’s tempting to go after him, it’s just feeding into his hands. Lucas says Shiloh was looming over her, and he lost it. She sincerely appreciates that, but tells him, hold back about the family. He asks if she thinks Shiloh suspects. She doesn’t know. Shiloh might assume Lucas is jealous because he’s spent more time with Brad. He’s a sexual predator, and his past is catching up to him. She guarantees it. She asks if he’s going to be okay, and not go after Shiloh. He says, it’s tempting, but no. She has to go, but she’ll fill him in later.

Epiphany says she was determined diabetes wouldn’t limit her, or change how she did her job, or live her life. She followed the guidelines, but guesses she was resentful, trying to convince herself that she was still her, and could do everything like she did before. Bobbie says that’s what she’s telling herself. Epiphany says it’s only partly true. Her life is as full as ever, but she has to accept accommodating he illness. It was a relatively minor heart attack. She and Milo were on vacation. That’s why no one knows. She was scared, terrified, and furious at herself. She was lying in hospital, looking at Milo, and seeing the worry on his face. It finally hit home. She had the option of embracing treatment and following the guidelines, or stay in denial until it killed her. She tells Bobbie, learn from her mistake. Do it right the first time. If you’re not fully managing your heart risk, you’re not fully managing the diabetes. The good news is, she has options.

Alexis asks Julian if it was a two or three man operation. He says she doesn’t want to know the details. She hopes it wasn’t an old associate who will leave him indebted. They need Brad and Lucas’s hands to be clean. He says it wasn’t, and she asks, who was it? He says someone close to her, and she says, what the hell? He used her daughter? He says, Sam loves Lucas. She’s also Wiley’s godmother. She says Sam’s also the mother of her grandchildren. He says, Sam can handle herself. Alexis says she’s going to try using a legal way to remedy the mess he made. From now on, stay out of it.

Drew comes into Charlie’s. Julian sets up a shot, and says he looks like he could use one of these. Drew says he’s here about Kim. Julian says, she has a tough road ahead, finding peace after Oscar’s death. It’s not easy. Drew says it’s how she’s going about it that has him worried. Julian says Drew can’t tell her it’s wrong. Drew says, even if it’s unhealthy? It’s completely nuts, and he can’t help. Not the way she wants. Julian asks, what way is that?

Kim opens the door, and says thanks for coming. Shiloh is there, and I say, oh! so loud the dogs look at me. He says, it’s no trouble. He’s always available to those in need. Man, I cannot wait for this guy to get his.

Bobbie says it helps, knowing Epiphany has been through this, and hearing what she did. Epiphany has a last piece of advice. Let those who love you help. Milo is wonderful and supportive, but never controlling. He knows her restrictions better than she does. Bobbie says guys like that are few and far between. Epiphany says Bobbie has children who love her. Don’t try to tough it out alone. If she has questions, she knows who to ask. Epiphany tells her to take care of herself.

Michael rants, asking, do you want to live your life staring at a screen? Billy and the other cop come in. Billy says Michael is talkative, but harmless, and wants him taken to the local hotel. As he’s about to open the cell door. Jason gets it open first, and knocks him out. He draws Billy’s gun on the other cop, and says they’re going to find a way out, and nobody will get hurt.

Jason tells the cop to put his gun on the floor; slow. Put his cell phone on the floor – now. He tells Michael, kid, come here, and has Michael help drag Billy into the cell, telling the other cop to get in too. Jason asks for the keys. The cop says he’s buying trouble, but Jason says today’s the cop’s lucky day. He seems like a nice guy. Find a better place to work.

Drew tells Julian, Kim misses Oscar, and he needs to talk to her, but be gentle. Encourage her to get help. Julian thanks Drew for letting him know. Anything he can do, other than the thing she wants, he’ll take care of it.

Kim apologizes to Shiloh for calling out of the blue. He says she sounds like she’s in great need. Understandably. She says she’s not normally needy. He doesn’t know her well. He says he feels like he does. Oscar told him about her, and it was clear what kind of woman she is; strong, fierce, loving. She says he was angry with her, but Shiloh says, anger and love are different sides of the same coin. It shows how deeply he loved her if it shined through in the midst of their difficulty. She says she misses him so much. He’s sorry. He knows her loss is immeasurable. She says, Oscar’s not lost. She’s seen him. She feels him, and wants him back for real. She knows how to do that. No one will help her. Will he help her bring Oscar back? He takes her hands, and says he’ll do anything to help her. Eww!

Sam picks up Michael, and asks where Jason is. He says right behind him. It’s a long story. Carol admitted she made a false confession, and is willing to talk, but it will be tough getting her out of Beecher’s Corners though. Jason gets in the car. He tells Sam, not too fast, and they leave.

Tomorrow, Nina tells Jax that she needs plenty of room, Sasha tells Valentin that she’s making Port Charles her home for good, Michael tells Willow that her father was murdered, and Carly asks if there’s something wrong with the baby.

❤ During one of the commercial breaks, Epiphany and Bobbie suggested those with type two diabetes check out this website: https://www.dontmissabeat.com/ to help you take care of your heart.

The Real Housewives of New York City

It’s Christmas in NYC. My favorite time of year there. LuAnn meets her director at the Grammercy Theater. In her interview, LuAnn says they’ve been prepping for six months sold out be a blast she says the girls ae coming at seven her mom coming ram knew did it on purpose we flash back a slap in the face

Dorinda and Sonja go to coolsculpting to get ready for bikinis after the holidays. Sonja likes any procedure that’s non-invasive. The doctor calls their outer thighs flanks, and in her interview, Sonja thinks it sounds like a cut of beef. It’s so not sexy. Dorinda wonders what’s going on with Tinsley. She’s not an idiot. Sonja says, there was no cashflow until Scott, and Dorinda thinks he’s taking care of her. Just be honest. She’s not going to pass judgement. In her interview, Dorinda says she doesn’t know anything more about Tinsley than she did when they met. She wants what’s best for Tinsley, but just tell them the truth. Sonja says, you can only get away with bullsh*t in the city for two years. Ding-ding! Two years are up. I had no idea there was a timeframe on bullsh*t in NYC.

Bethenny calls Sonja. In her Bethenny’s interview, she says she just got back from being in Boston with her boyfriend. For two days prior, she was in the ICU. She’d gone into anaphylactic shock. She drank some hot soup, and suddenly felt itchy, and her hands get swollen. Paul asked if she wanted a Benadryl. It turned out this particular miso soup had fish flakes in it, and she’s had a severe fish allergy her whole life. By the time he came back, she was unconscious. He managed to get the Benadryl and some water down her throat, and called 911. When she was in the ER, she heard a doctor say five more minutes, and she would have been dead. She tells Sonja, if no one had been with her, she would have been dead. It’s freaking her out, and she doesn’t want to be alone. In her interview, Bethenny says Paul saved her life. He acted like everything was okay the whole time, but she could see in his face how worried he was. She hopes she’s up for the party tomorrow. Sonja tells her to rest. Housekeeper Lanie comes in, and she and Bethenny hug. Bethenny cries.

Dorinda gets to theater first, and looks at all the swag LuAnn sells. Tinsley arrives with flowers. Dorinda asks how she is, and in her interview, feels like she got a recorded response. Sonja is wearing her own dress. She says she should have worn her LuAnn necklace, and buys another one. In her interview, she says they’ve been saying sh*t, at least she can wear one of LuAnn’s necklaces. This looks preplanned. It’s a strapless dress and she was wearing no necklace whatsoever?

In Ramona’s interview, she says she and Dorinda are doing great with their relationship, and she wants Dorinda and Sonja to know how much she loves them. That’s why she’s having the party. Sonja knows about it already, but Dorinda won’t find out. She’s into aesthetics, and wants to make it special. She gets to the restaurant, and gives everyone orders, telling them, let’s get this place going. Make it look like a party. The manager asks if she wants a job there. In her interview, she says she steps in and gets it done. That’s who she is. John suggests they hide, and yell surprise, and Ramona thinks that’s a great idea.

At the theater, the women wonder where LuAnn is. Sonja says there’s nothing worse than waiting for a cabaret star. She goes backstage, and LuAnn’s son, daughter, and mom are there. She tells LuAnn that Barbara, Tinsley, and Sonja are there. LuAnn says Ramona isn’t coming, and asks about Bethenny. Sonja says she won’t be there. She was very ill; no bullsh*t. In Sonja’s interview, she says it’s typical LuAnn. Her first question is, is Bethenny there? She nearly died, and LuAnn was in the group text. She’s too much. In the lobby, Barbara tells Tinsley that she’s sorry about Bambi, and Dorinda brings up the topic of freezing the dog again. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she’s feeling a weird energy. Why is Dorinda making jokes about her dog? They go backstage to the dressing room. In her interview, LuAnn says she has to prepare. Even parents don’t go backstage ten minutes before their kid’s elementary school play. She loves them, but she has to go on. Outside, Dorinda wonders why they came, since LuAnn doesn’t seem like she wanted them there.

In the car, Dorinda says LuAnn would be mad if they didn’t come, but they come, and she gets annoyed. She wants them to be part of the audience in her cabaret and her life. LuAnn gets on stage, saying, Christmas has arrived, and sings Jingle Bells. In her interview, she says when she’s on stage cheering and calling her name, it melts her heart. She was one of seven kids, and didn’t get much attention. She somehow inserts Jovani into the song lyrics. She says she kept her promise. She didn’t use Dorinda’s name, but Dorinda didn’t say anything about Jovani.

The women get to the restaurant, and Ramona tells John to get the cakes. He asks if he looks like a cake guy. Too late. In Sonja’s interview, she says Barbara did ruin the surprise, but she did a good job keeping the secret; the party is for Dorinda too. The cakes make it to the table, and the guests hide in a small room. Ramona meets Dorinda and Sonja, and brings them into the private area. Everyone does the surprise thing, and Dorinda is genuinely surprised. In her interview, she says Ramona did something nice for her, and it’s sweet that she arranged it. In Sonja’s interview, she says whatever Ramona’s motive, she pulled it off. Sonja’s friends were there, so she gives it to Ramona for throwing a fabulous party. Ramona says it was all worth it to see the look of surprise and happiness.

Dorinda wants to talk to Tinsley. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she’s sensing weirdness, and doesn’t know what’s happening, but wants it over with. Tinsley babbles about not being able to go to Dorinda’s aerobics class, and Bambi. She says she doesn’t have a child. Dorinda says she’s sorry about Bambi, but thinks there’s something amiss with the bigger picture. Nothing tracks. Tinsley is still in the mix with Scott, but acts like they’re broken up. Tinsley says they are. In her interview, she says just because they’re still in communication doesn’t mean they’re back together. She still talks to her ex-husband. She’ll text who she wants to – if she’s not blocked. Dorinda calls Sonja over, and says Tinsley isn’t being honest. Ramona appears, and says she’s hiding something, and they want her to be forthright. Tinsley says she’s not hiding anything. Ramona says she’s still involved with Scott. Tinsley says it’s ridiculous. Sonja asks who’s buying her clothes. Tinsley says she is. She doesn’t have a kid. Maybe that’s where her money goes. She’s not dating Scott. She says friends don’t act like this. Dorinda says she’s being deceitful, and Tinsley says this is a gang mentality. Dorinda says if they knew her better, they wouldn’t be so curious. Tinsley says they’re done. This is crazy. In Tinsley’s interview, she says this is why she doesn’t talk to them. They spin everything, and it’s not the truth.

LuAnn sings Money Can’t Buy You Class. In her interview, she says no way their party was better than her party. She thanks everyone for coming.

Ramona picks up Dorinda on the way to Bethenny’s S’mores and Whores party. She says Dorinda looks like a sexy Santa wife. Dressed as Santa, Albi drives Bethenny to the venue. He says she seems 100% better. She says, it’s been a tough week. She had a near death experience, and just wants to hug everyone. She says the craziest thing happened. Going to the ER, she felt Dennis pulling at her. She didn’t think it; she felt it. She asks if Albi believes in things like that, and he says he does. She says she talks too much about Dennis, and he says she talks about him every day. She says, she’s done. Let Dennis be where he is; stay there. In her interview, she says she misses him and thinks about him every day. He wanted her to be happy. He said she’d find someone to love her and treat her the way she deserved. This was some sort of closure. She’s not going with him. She tells Albi, Santa just got flipped off, and he says, no respect. He still loves his people though. Albi is way cool.

Dorinda tells Ramona that she had zero idea about the party. Ramona is happy she was surprised. Sonja joins them, and says instead of Santa’s little helper, Dorinda looks like Santa’s little hooker.

Bethenny gets to the venue, and meets with the party planner, giving last minute instructions. The planner points out the nutcracker piñata. In her interview, Bethenny says that she doesn’t have parties for a bunch of married old ladies. These girls come to play. She says she realizes things are fleeting, and just wants to connect. Ramona says Mario invited her to a New Year’s Eve party in Boca. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she doesn’t get it. They’re not even co-parenting anymore. Ramona is glad she and Bethenny are in a good place, and hopes it stays that way. She tells Bethenny, for someone who was almost dead, she looks good. There’s guy walking around with oysters in a bucket, preparing them individually. The women make lots of jokes about sucking it down. In Sonja’s interview, she says that’s the way Ramona likes her oysters, and some other things. I don’t want to know.

Ramona tells Bethenny that Barbara had the audacity to tell Sonja she couldn’t come to the party because of LuAnn’s show. Sonja didn’t know it was for her, and Ramona had to tell her. In Bethenny’s interview, she says, poor Sonja. It’s like ruining a twelve-year-old’s surprise party, and makes her feel sad. She tells the party planner that a cake with a sparkler is coming out, and to make it about Sonja. Dorinda says they went to see LuAnn, but she said she couldn’t see them because she was getting ready for the show. She was getting ready to sell holy candles with her face on them. Ramona says she uses those to pray to God, and Bethenny says she’d be praying to LuAnn. Ramona thinks it’s sacrilegious. Sonja says, she’s a bonafide diva. Ramona wonders if LuAnn thinks she’s Joan of Arc. Bethenny says, she’s not the Virgin Mary. In her interview, Sonja says, deliver us from LuAnn.

LuAnn has arrived. She tells Bethenny that she looks good, and Bethenny says she feels better. In LuAnn’s interview, she says Bethenny looks pretty damn hot for someone who just almost died. They ask how LuAnn’s show went, and she says, great. Sonja says she couldn’t wait for them to leave. LuAnn says, it’s nice they came, but she had to get prepared. That’s show biz. Ramona asks if she’s the Virgin Mary now, pointing out her candles look like religious candles. LuAnn says if she doesn’t like it, don’t buy one. In LuAnn’s interview, she can’t believe Ramona is schooling her on religious morality. Give her a break.

Tinsley needs some wine after last night. Sonja tells Ramona that Tinsley is never there to bond or contribute to the conversation. She’s a different breed. Tinsley says they ganged up on her, but Ramona says, that wasn’t the intention. Tinsley says she’s shared everything. In Ramona’s interview, she says they don’t know what to believe, and she doesn’t really care. She just wants Tinsley to be happy. S’mores are served. Barbara shows up, and Tinsley drinks more wine. She suggests she and Dorinda make a pact. No more talking about Scott. They broke up, and aren’t together. Their fight shouldn’t be about him. Dorinda says, it should be about other things? and Tinsley says if they throw down, it’s not going to be about Scott. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she’ll speak about anything she wants, but she promises. She pinkie swears. Tinsley should be saying she wants to work on the friendship. Tinsley wants a shot.

Bethenny, LuAnn, Barbara, and Sonja have a group hug. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, life is a cabaret. It’s her cabaret, and she’s living it.

Bethenny asks, who’s ready to have fun? The piñata comes down. She says, it’s for Dorinda to beat the sh*t out of. Ramona goes first, and LuAnn is next, saying, it’s therapeutic. Tinsley is ready to beat the sh*t out of the piñata after last night. Sonja separates the head from the body, reaching way up. In her interview, LuAnn says the sun doesn’t shine until they’ve seen Sonja’s ass. Sex toys fall out, and the women dive for them. In Bethenny’s interview, she says, the desperation of this group wanting sex toys is amazing. Bethenny has another surprise for Sonja. Some hot guys in suits bring out a cake with sparklers, and Bethenny says, happy birthday. Everyone sings. Sonja tells Bethenny that she loves her. In her interview, Sonja says never in a million years would she imagine getting a cake from Bethenny. The dudes start to strip, and Sonja says if anything is a Christmas miracle, it’s these boys. It’s the icing on the cake. Ramona isn’t a stripper type of gal, but wants to be in the moment, so when in Rome… She puts her hands all over one of the guys.

It’s the finale, so we see that, Ramona’s house is still on the market – and so is she. And she and Harry are just friends. Sonja says she couldn’t be happier. Her house is rented, her apartment is a jewel, and her creative juices are flowing. The text tells us that her daughter was accepted to an Ivy League school, and she has new renters.

Bethenny says, it’s been a crazy year. She’s learned a lesson to take care of herself, emotionally and physically, and live every day like it’s her last. One of the strippers balances her upside down in a chair on his head. Yes, you read that right. She says, and today might be her last. We read that she’s buying not selling. She bought a townhouse with Paul, and decided against selling SkinnyGirl for now. Tinsley believes 2019 will be her year. (Yeah, me too. Good luck with that.) She says, it’s her life. Back off. We read that she maintains she and Scott aren’t together, and after staying with her mom in Palm Beach for a while, she’s back in New York, but has downsized her hotel room. John gives Dorinda a kiss. Her blurb says there was a flood at the Berkshires house that even the fish room couldn’t survive. She’s making it nice-r. LuAnn says the might knock her show, but she’s found a purpose in life. She’s going to do what makes her happy, and her cabaret act just keeps getting bigger. She’s riding the wave for as long as she can. The final passage tells us that, subsequently, LuAnn violated her probation, and was taken into custody again. She has stricter probation terms, but isn’t letting it stop her cabaret tour.

They take a group photo.

Next time, Part One of the Reunion. And it does not look Jovani pretty.

📠 Getting Right To It…

This would have been earlier, but I was hung up with an important phone call, so it was late when I watched the Wives. For whatever reason, this song is on a list of Best Songs About Friday, and it’s one of my favorites, so…

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