December 17, 2019 – Franco Wakes Up, Vicki’s Formal Western Farmhouse Chic Engagement, OC Reunion, Matt’s Arrest, Justification & Plastic Jingle


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

So sorry. I missed the beginning. I don’t know why I think I’ll have time later to watch and fill it in, since that almost never happens. I’m still not done Christmas shopping, so every spare moment is going toward that at the moment. And when that’s done, decorations. Then cards. But I digress. I had the usual small dog distraction. You’ll figure it out, as I did. Shh… Franco is waking up…

Finn says he thinks Peter’s mother is proud of him. He went toward the danger, and because of that, Franco is going to return to his family. Peter tells him, please stop.

Elizabeth asks Franco to say something. Does he remember her? He says, Elizabeth.

Lulu calls 911, and says her ten-year-old jumped in the water. Her friend jumped in after her, but they need to send paramedics, and possibly rescue divers. Dustin says he’s got Charlotte, and pulls her out onto the pier. Lulu tells the dispatcher, they’re out of the water, but they still need paramedics. Dustin says Charlotte is conscious and breathing, but has possible shock and hypothermia. Lulu repeats what he said to the dispatcher.

Ava says, that concludes the auction, and thanks everyone for coming to the gallery. The gallery will contact the winners, and insure secure transport of their item. She tells Mr. Keys that he’s always professional, and went above and beyond. He says, it’s one for the record books. Laura asks if Ava knew the painting was rigged to self-destruct, and Ava says, of course (🍷) not. Would she hold an auction, and have Laura and Valentin outbid each other if she knew? Laura says, absolutely yes. Jax says, maybe she didn’t. Ava thanks him, and he adds, do it on her own. Maybe she had help. Curtis says they can rule out the artist; he’s been dead for years. Ava says she had to notify the estate about selling the painting. Maybe they sent an emissary at his request. Jax says, since the gallery failed to deliver, the bid is null and void. Ava agrees, and says she got it for next to nothing, but just the thought of making Valentin buy back his own garbage was too delicious.

Behind the gallery, Nikolas says he’s going to make Ava wish she’d stayed in Shadybrook. Trina comes to the gate, and asks who is he, and what is he doing there?

Valentin enjoys some champagne, and scarfs down appetizers. Jax asks if Valentin isn’t upset that he lost the painting that he almost paid a half million dollars for. Valentin says, prepare for a shock. He didn’t want it. He just didn’t want Jax to have it. Laura asks, why is that? and Valentin says he knew Jax was working for her, and she lied about getting it for Spencer. They agree on one thing; one portrait of Helena is one too many. He tells Ava that he tips his hat to her. Getting him to pay half a million dollars for his own garbage to teach him a lesson? Salute. She did him a favor. Now the portrait is gone, along with its many secrets.    

Nikolas has his back to Trina, and says he’s a collector. She says she didn’t see him bidding. He holds up the tablet, and says, that’s what this is for. He watches behind-the-scenes, and has a proxy bid for him. She says, a secret art collector? More like a thief. That’s why he has his back turned, so she can’t see his face. Oddly enough, they just had a break-in. The cops should hear his story. She suggests they find out, and he jets. She says, like she thought.

Valentin says, the portrait was cursed. It’s what Helena wanted, but no longer; no more. They can move on to happier things. Laura asks if he’s dying or just moving, and Valentin says he’s getting married. He hopes they can all make it. Nina says she delivered the invitations personally. Trina comes in, and tells Ava that she caught someone lurking out back, but he took off. Ava says, maybe he was the art arsonist, or more likely a disappointed art lover.

Dustin tells the paramedics that Charlotte wasn’t in the water long, and Lulu says, thanks to him. Rocco says he’s sorry, but Lulu says, Charlotte will be okay. She just wishes she knew why Charlotte would do something like this.

Nina says, thrilling as it’s been, she thinks it’s time to leave. Valentin says Charlotte’s mother should be bringing her back any minute. They leave, and Ava guesses the party is over. She thanks Trina, saying she couldn’t have done it without her. Trina says she can stay. Maybe if they put their heads together, they can figure out what happened. Ava knows if anyone could figure it out, it would be Trina, but art happens sometimes. She hands Trina a stack of cash, telling her, here’s a nice bonus. Trina thanks her, and Ava says, do spend it all in one place. She’ll be glad she did. Jax tells Laura that he’s heading out. She looks at what’s left of the torched painting, and goes with him.

Lulu calls Valentin, obviously upset. He asks if Charlotte is all right, and she says, something happened. She can’t explain now. He tells her, put Charlotte on the phone, and Nina asks if Charlotte is okay. Lulu tells him, the paramedics said Charlotte was okay, but they’re taking her to GH. She’ll explain there. Laura asks, what happened? but Valentin doesn’t know. He has to get to the hospital.

Peter knows Finn means well, but he’s no hero. Anna says he saved two lives, and Peter says, he took another. She says Franco’s family will have him back, and Peter says he was just in the right place at the right time. Finn says, if Franco comes out okay, he doesn’t think Elizabeth and the boys will ever leave Peter alone.

Elizabeth tells Franco, she’s right there; so is Cameron. Franco looks at Cameron, and says, hey. Is he okay? Did they hurt him? Cameron says, he’s okay. Franco saved him, and he wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t remember. Elizabeth says, oh my God, you’re you. Franco. Franco says who else would he be?

Andre tells Franco, don’t force it. Allow the memories to come back on their own. Franco says he remembers being strapped to the chair, and them injecting him with a needle. How long has it been? Elizabeth says he was gone a while, and he asks if it’s still summer. She says, no, and he says, fall? Cameron says, it’s December. Franco says Andre doesn’t live in Port Charles anymore. What’s he doing there? Andre says, it’s a long story, better absorbed later. Franco says, now would be great, and Andre tells him to think of a deep sea diver who’s been down too long. If he surfaces too quickly, he can get the bends. He’s sure they have better things talk about, and he’s going to leave them to it. He leaves, and Elizabeth smiles at Franco. Franco asks if that guy is gone. He has to ask something important. Do they think the cafeteria is still open? Elizabeth laughs.

Andre tells Peter, Finn, and Anna that Franco is awake. Finn tells them that he’s always said Andre was a genius. Anna asks if Franco is okay. Peter says he’s just glad it worked out. It’s going to be a great story. He’s going to put Lulu on it. Finn says he might want to bring in another reporter. Charlotte was just brought into the hospital. Valentin, Nina, and Laura run in, and Valentin asks, where is she? Lulu says, she’s sleeping, and he goes into Charlotte’s room. He kneels by the bed and kisses her forehead. He says, whatever happened, he’ll fix it. He swears he’ll fix everything. Laura asks, what happened? and Lulu says they were on the pier, and Charlotte jumped in. Nina asks, why? but Lulu has no idea. Dustin jumped in after her. Dustin doesn’t think Charlotte breathed in any water, and Laura thanks him. Dustin is glad he was there. Valentin wonders how Charlotte fell in, but Lulu says, she jumped. He asks why Charlotte would plunge herself in ice cold water, and Rocco says, it’s his fault. He didn’t believe her about her bodyguard.

Ava looks at the frame and the burned fragments of the painting. Curtis is still there, and she says, perhaps he didn’t hear her announcement; the auction is over. Curtis says he was hoping for a minute, so she can expand his knowledge of fine art. She asks if he has a specific artist or piece in mind, and he says, the portrait; the one that burst into flames. She says, what about it? and he says, all he knows is, she had it destroyed. She asks why she’d do a thing like that? He says Valentin had the most to gain in getting rid of it, and she asks if Curtis thinks she’d lift a finger help Valentin, much less destroy a work of art. Curtis says, if she didn’t do for him, and it damn sure wasn’t Jax, then who? Ava says it’s been wonderful catching up, but she has an early day tomorrow.

Jax meets Nikolas, and says now Nikolas knows why he didn’t want him there. Nikolas says he got away, and Jax says it’s lucky Trina didn’t get a good look at him, although she probably wouldn’t recognize him. Nikolas says, see? No problem. They can regroup. The portrait literally went up in smoke, along with any chance to overturn the will. Jax says, to be honest, he’s relieved. When you play with high stakes, you learn to cut your losses. He lost; Valentin won. Game over. Nikolas says he’s going to finish what he started, but Jax says, the only thing left is what Nikolas should have done a long time ago. Let his family know he’s alive. Go back to them, and live his life. Nikolas says that’s not going to happen until he’s destroyed Valentin. Until it’s over, they’re allies. Jax says, until New Year’s Eve. After that, he’ll deal with Valentin in his own way on his own time. He walks away.

Curtis finds Trina at the café, where she’s counting her money, and says, look at her. Be careful. Money doesn’t buy what it used to, but she can still put it to good use. He sits with her, and introduces himself. He thinks they met at Franco and Elizabeth’s wedding reception. She says she knows who he is. His wife is the police commissioner, but she wasn’t at the auction. Curtis says, she’s out catching bad guys. It turns out, they’re everywhere, even in the back room at an art gallery. She says she noticed, and he asks if she’s sure she didn’t recognize the intruder, and the money wasn’t payment to say she didn’t. She asks if he’s curious, or did his wife make him a deputy? Can she see his badge? He says she can’t blame him for being curious. Another question; who destroyed the painting? She says he could try asking Ava, but he says he’s asking her. If she’s as smart as he thinks she is, she’ll tell him.

Lulu tells Rocco, nothing is his fault. Rocco says, Charlotte told him that she had a secret bodyguard, and wanted to prove it. Dustin says, she jumped in so the bodyguard would save her? and Rocco says he’s sorry. Lulu says he has nothing to be sorry for, and Laura agrees. His sister can be headstrong, and likes to prove she’s right. Valentin asks if she’s blaming Charlotte, and Lulu says, all that matters is that Charlotte will be okay. Rocco thanks Dustin for saving his sister. Finn comes out of the elevator, and says he just got a page that Charlotte was there. Is she okay? Valentin asks why an infectious disease specialist was called, and Finn imagines it’s to check to see if Charlotte picked up an infection, and goes into Charlotte’s room. Laura says Charlotte told her that her father hired a bodyguard, and Valentin says he didn’t, and he would have told Lulu if he had. Lulu says, because full disclosure is his thing. Laura says she thought it must be a secret imaginary friend Charlotte conjured up after Cassandra abducted her. Lulu says Charlotte was made a target for Valentin’s enemies, and Valentin asks if she’s saying it’s his fault. Finn comes out, and says, Charlotte is asking for her grandmother. Laura goes in.

Franco asks if Cameron took good care of his mom, and Elizabeth says, he certainly has. Cameron says Franco was wrong, and Franco says he’s wrong all the time. About what? Cameron says, about what Franco said when he took his place; that the world would be better off without him in it. Franco says he was just saying that. It’s what families do, and they’re family. He asks where Aiden and Jake are, and Elizabeth says they didn’t know when he’d wake up, or if he’d remember them, so they’re with Audrey. Franco says they can fill him in on what happened; all of it. Elizabeth says there’s so much to explain. They need to take it slowly. Cameron says the most important thing is that his mom didn’t give up. She wouldn’t quit or let them quit. Elizabeth says, neither did Franco’s dad. He went to bat for Franco. Franco says there’s something they’re not telling him, but it doesn’t matter. He thanks them for not giving up. It’s the first time anybody refused to give up on him, much less everybody. Cameron says he’ll leave them to it. Elizabeth hugs Franco, and he says, not so fast. Is there anyone else he needs to thank?

Anna tells Peter, what a night. it had a kind of balance. The gunman died, but Franco came back to his family. The good guys won. Peter says he wants to make sure it The Invader’s lead story before someone else gets the scoop. Cameron says Franco wants to see Peter, and Anna says, an exclusive.

Franco tells Elizabeth, they have a few minutes, and she asks what he has in mind. He says, a couple of things; their vows. She asks if he wants to renew them, but he says he has a new one. Just him; she doesn’t have to do any. He takes her hand, and says, Elizabeth Imogene Webber, he vows to spend the rest of his life making it up to her for fighting for him. She says she loves it. Peter comes in, and says Franco asked to see him. Is there something Peter can do for him? Franco thinks Peter knows what he’s done, and so does he.

Finn says Charlotte has no infection, and there’s no need to keep her overnight. She needs to rest a while, then she can go home. Valentin says there’s no reason she can’t have more than one visitor, but Nina says she doesn’t want to overwhelm Charlotte. Just tell Charlotte that she loves her, and she’s there. Laura tells Charlotte that she’ll be just outside, but Charlotte wants her to stay.

Jax sees Nina, who says it’s sweet of him to come. Charlotte is fine; she’s resilient. He says he knows what Charlotte means to her. She says, and Valentin.

Valentin tells Charlotte, when he was a kid, they went swimming in the summer. Is she trying to start a chapter of the polar bear club? She says, sorry, but he says she doesn’t have to be. Just be okay. She says she doesn’t know why her bodyguard didn’t save her.

Trina messes with her phone, and Curtis says sometimes he wonders if her generation lives on their devices so they don’t have to deal with real questions. She says she’s not a generation; she’s her. And it’s not her fault he doesn’t like the answers. He says, maybe Ava isn’t the best role model, and she says she didn’t need a role model. She needed an internship, which Ava was kind enough to give her. She tells him to excuse her. A friend needs her.

Franco says Peter saved his life. Word on the street is, a guy tried to kill either him, Andre, or both of them, and Peter stopped him. Peter says, it was nothing, and Elizabeth says he’s being modest. Peter says, a man died, and he doesn’t know what to do with that. Franco thanks him again, and says if there’s anything he can do to repay Peter… Peter says Franco doesn’t owe him anything, but Elizabeth says, they all do. He’s family, and family pulls together.

Anna asks Finn how Charlotte is, and he says, well. She says, Valentin must have been terrified. He loves Charlotte. Finn thinks they can all relate. Peter is her son, and nothing is going to change that.

Jax asks Nina why she told him to stop bidding, and she asks if it matters now. The portrait literally went up in smoke. He asks if that’s why she told him to stop bidding or he’d regret it. Did she know what was going to happen? Valentin comes out, and asks why Jax is there. Nina says, he was checking on Charlotte, and Jax says he’s glad to hear she’ll be okay. He leaves, and Nina tells Valentin, Jax was being nice. Valentin says, was he? He can’t deal with Jax right now. Lulu joins them, and asks how Charlotte is. Valentin says, overwhelmed, but who wouldn’t be? She backed up Lulu’s version of the events. She told him that she jumped into the water – while Lulu was supposed to be taking care of her.

Peter tells Franco, there is something, and Franco says, name it. As long as it’s legal, and his wife doesn’t mind. Peter says he’d like an exclusive for The Invader. Franco says he has to check with Elizabeth. Elizabeth says she knows how Franco hates attention, and Franco says, an exclusive?

Anna tells Finn that Jason thinks Peter orchestrated Shiloh’s escape, and the killing of the guard. He also believes Peter is behind the original attempt on Andre’s life, and the crash that killed Drew. All of it. Finn asks what Peter’s incentive would be, but Anna doesn’t know. To stop Andre from doing the memory procedure, and prevent Franco from remembering something that would incriminate him. Finn says, if Peter hired the gunman, why would he kill his own henchman? He can’t believe he just said the word henchman in a normal conversation. What’s happening to him? Anna says, covering his tracks, a flash of conscience, maybe both. What if Jason is right? What if Peter…? Peter comes out, but he’s on the phone and doesn’t notice them. He says he’ll be there. It’s just in time. The answer to a prayer. He goes into the elevator.

Trina arrives at the hospital, and says she got Cameron’s text that Franco is back. Cameron says he just woke up. It’s amazing. They claimed they were all staying hopeful, but they were all terrified. Trina says, of course (🍷). This isn’t a thing that happens ever. He says he would have missed if she hadn’t dragged him there. He thanks her, and she says, that’s what friends are for. They hug.

Andre looks in on Elizabeth and Franco, who are in the bed together. Franco says he’s looking forward to her telling him what happened, but guesses it can wait. Elizabeth says, good. All she wants to do is look into his eyes and see her husband staring back. She can’t tell him how much missed this. He asks, how is it? and she says, good; not weird. How is it for him? He says, the most natural thing in the world. He’s not sure how much longer… He knows it’s her workplace. She kisses him, and says, there’s a lot to talk about. She’s so glad he’s back. It’s just… He says, about that. He’s a little offended. The last thing he remembers with absolute clarity is telling Cameron to tell her that he’d be back. Did Cameron forget? She says Cameron told her. That’s what kept them going. He’s glad to hear it, because nothing – he means, nothing – can keep him away from her. They kiss.

Nina says, time out. Everyone is upset, and it’s no time to be pointing fingers. Lulu says they’ll talk tomorrow. Right now, she wants to take her son and daughter home. Valentin says she’s not taking Charlotte. They were walking home, and Lulu allowed Charlotte to be put in a life threatening situation. The court order says it’s his week, and he’s going to stick to that until it’s amended. Don’t think he won’t tell the judge. Dustin says, emotions are high. Why don’t they sleep on it? Valentin says, twice Charlottes life was threatened, and Lulu asks if that includes Charlotte being kidnapped by one of his many enemies. Valentin says it wouldn’t have happened if not for her neglect. Dustin says, it happened too quickly for anyone to stop it. Valentin asks what they were doing when it happened. He can make a guess. Lulu says if Valentin had been there, the outcome would have been the same. Valentin says he’s taking Charlotte home, according to the court order, and tomorrow, he’s applying for full custody.

Laura tells Charlotte that she shouldn’t have jumped in the water. Charlotte says she thought he’d save her. Laura says, her secret bodyguard? and Charlotte says, that’s why papa hired him. Laura says her secret bodyguard is just pretend, right? but Charlotte says, no; he’s not. Her mom has a picture of him on her phone. Laura says, here’s her mom’s purse. Does Charlotte think she can find it? She gives Charlotte Lulu’s phone, and Charlotte scrolls through the pictures. She says, there he is. Her bodyguard. She shows Laura a picture of Nikolas.

Alone at the gallery, Ava says, here’s to you, Helena Cassadine. You made one hell of an exit. What more could a gal ask for? She sips her martini, and hears footsteps. She says she knew he’d show up. He’s so predictable – she turns around with a gun in her hand – for a dead man.

Tomorrow, Lucy introduces Sasha as the new face of Deception, Sonny asks Jason what the hell is going on with Carly, and Carly tells Jax to call the cops and turn Nikolas in.

I have to add, no matter what is going on, Ava always looks amazing. Frosted hair, frosted lipstick, and frosted jacket; she looked like a scrumptious Christmas ornament at the auction.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Shannon goes out to eat with new guy Duff. He asks about her day, and she says she’s been getting the engagement party decorations. We see clips of Shannon dealing with the party. Unfortunately, she won’t be getting those life-size horse decorations she wanted. She tells Duff the theme is formal Western farmhouse chic. In her interview, Shannon explains that she doesn’t know Duff well. They met through mutual friends, and she spent time with him, so they’re going on a date. She vowed she would date, and put herself out there until she meets someone. She’s not really looking, but she’s having fun. She tells Duff it’s crazy that he and Vicki worked together. We flash back to 2007, and a brief scene with Vicki and Duff that I don’t remember even remotely. Duff says she just got out of a marriage; has she been dating? Shannon says she’s dated a few times, but she’d been married for twenty years, and isn’t looking to jump back in. Although she would like to grow old with someone, she doesn’t want to just grab the first opportunity. Duff says he doesn’t want to set the bar so high that she won’t find anyone. In Shannon’s interview, she says never been on a date with someone so forward. She’s not making any commitments. He asks if she’s a furnace, clarifying by adding, is she hot in bed? She’s like, um…

Emily visits Gina, and her garage full of stuff. She has a buyer for the Coto house, and it’s time to get everything out. The buyer wants measurements of a few things, and Emily helps as they talk. Emily asks what’s going on with Matt? and Gina says she’s never seen him so committed. He’s like a different person. He has feelings and he’s super sensitive and complimentary. In Gina’s interview, she says she and Matt have decided to reconcile, but it was hard getting over the anger. She tells Emily that he loves her and they’re a family, so she’d be crazy not to see it through. She says, you don’t forget, but you move past it, and it makes you stronger. He’s made her feel secure, and it’s like they have a new relationship. In Emily’s interview, she says Matt sends up a lot of red flags. How much has he really changed? Gina thinks it’s cool that they can come back and salvage things, and the kids are so happy. Emily says, no need to dwell on it; just move forward. Gina says she’s getting a new life, and Emily says, she’s getting a new marriage. Gina says, it’s all good.

Braunwyn is doing Bhakti yoga in her backyard with Dr. Deb. It’s some kind of yoga backed by a few instruments and chanting. In her interview, Braunwyn says if it keeps her mom happy, she’ll spare no expense. They’ve become a little bit separated, and if it helps their relationship, it’s priceless. When they’re finished, Braunwyn tells Deb that she needed this. Deb says they all need this. Braunwyn says she didn’t realize how quickly her new friend group was going to form. She has an amazing village, and needs someone outside of the kids. Deb says a lot of mothers try to make you feel guilty for wanting something outside of your children. She sent them to boarding school to get someone else’s perspective. In Braunwyn’s interview, she says she felt abandoned when her mom went to medical school. In Deb’s interview, she says, it’s not like she went to the Bahamas. She tells Braunwyn that you get a lot of diminishment, and she would get asked how she could send her children away. In her interview, Deb says she doesn’t know if Braunwyn suffered because she didn’t get an Ozzy and Harriet background while growing up, but Braunwyn thinks she did. In Braunwyn’s interview, she says of all her relationships, the one with her mother is the most complicated. We flash back to her altercations with Deb, and she says, if her mom thinks they’re in a good place, then they are. They hug.

Emily goes to an RA clinic. The doctor examines her. In her interview, Emily says her mom always talked about how much pain she was in, and that it made her depressed, but she didn’t get it. She never felt that way, and now that she has chronic arthritic pain, she understands. There’s no relief ever, and it makes her irritable and ruins everything. The doctor explains that her sockets are hollow, and as a result, the cartilage is wearing out in one of her hips. He shows her the x-ray on a screen, and says she needs a hip replacement. He’s surprised she’s made it this far without it, and tells her, it will be a life changer. She’ll be able to walk and exercise. She thanks him, and calls Shane, who tells her that she’s let it go for too long. Emily says she’s just telling him how severe the pain is. There’s no cartilage in her joint. In her interview, she says he’s her husband, and supposed to support her. Just tell her, sorry, it will be okay, don’t worry. It’s all she wants to hear. Annabelle cries, and Emily tells her not to worry. Mommy will be better.

While Tamra is getting her hair done, she says Kelly decided to come at the last minute. She took anger management, and was hypnotized. Now it’s all good, but Tamra is a little worried.

Braunwyn tells Sean that she thinks Kelly is going. Sean says he’s not line dancing… unless there’s tequila.

Emily tells makeup person Danielle that they’ll know tonight if Shane passed the bar. Danielle asks what Emily did when she passed, but Emily doesn’t remember.

Kelly tells makeup person Julie that Mike told her to come at them with acts of love. Julie asks what if someone says something Kelly doesn’t like? What will she do? Kelly says, tell them, F-U, bitch. She laughs, saying that’s the old Kelly. In her interview, Kelly says mantras help people, but she doesn’t think it will help this. She tells Julie that Vicki is ominous. It’s like going into the lion’s den.

The party is set up. In Tamra’s interview, she says they’re exited. Vicki is in a good relationship and getting married. She thinks the third time is the charm. It worked for her. Tamra greets Vicki’s brother Billy. Gina arrives, and Tamra admires her new haircut. In Gina’s interview, she says she made a lot of bad choices regarding her hair. She doesn’t know who she thought she was. The only choice was to chop it off and start over. Steve and Vicki pull up, and Steve asks, who’s the lady with the colorful hair? Vicki says it’s Braunwyn’s mom; she’s a doctor. Steve asks if she’s a witch doctor. They join the party, and Vicki asks Deb if it’s a wig or really her hair. Deb says she has dreadlocks, and the colors are woven in. Shannon explains that Duff had a child with Tammy Knickerbocker, and knows a lot of people there. We see another ancient clip of Duff with someone woman I’m not sure if I’m supposed to remember, but I don’t. Billy says he thought he recognized Duff. Vicki tells Eddie, they’re finally doing it. A friend of Steve’s says she’s an attorney, and Tamra says she doesn’t like attorneys right now. In her interview, she says she just had to write another big check to defend herself. It made her think about Kelly and her involvement. She’s tried to let it go, but she can’t. Emily says, Kelly is coming. It’s her way of implementing what she’s learned. Braunwyn thinks that’s a good thing. Steam comes out of Tamra’s ears.

Brian and Kelly go over what she’s going to say in the car. Brian says she’s there to wish Vicki happiness and health. Kelly says she’s not looking forward to celebrating.

Tamra takes Vicki inside, where it looks like a fancy barn dance. In Vicki’s interview, she says, it’s exactly what she and Steve love. Other than when she was dating a-hole Brooks, she loves Tamra and Shannon. Vicki changes her clothes, putting on a white lace dress, and the line dancing starts. Tamra asks Billy if he has any last words for his future brother-in-law. Billy says he’s curious if Steve is all in, and wants to get married again. They’ll see what happens. In Tamra’s interview, she’s not sure if Billy is being a protective brother or is he onto something? Billy says he asked Steve’s mother how his and Vicki’s personalities mesh, and she said, they don’t. Tamra says, opposites attract?

Kelly tells Brian the last thing she wants is to go to the engagement party. Emily announces Kelly has arrived, and in Kelly’s interview, she says, may you be happy, may you be peaceful, may you be… She doesn’t think this is working. She tells Vicki, happy engagement, and introduces Brian, who congratulates Vicki. Kelly tells Vicki that she wrote her a note with the gift. Emily tells them to hug, like they’re five. Kelly wishes Vicki happiness and health. Tamra tells Billy, Kelly is here. In Tamra’s interview, she says she’s trying to be the bigger person, but looking at that effing bitch, acting like they’re good friends, who does she think she is? Everyone sits for dinner.

Emily tells Shane the results come in at 6 pm, and it’s 5:40. In her interview, Emily says the sacrifices she went through are worth it, assuming Shane passes the bar. We flash back to Emily going out of her mind while he was gone. She says, if he passes, she’ll run down the street naked, screaming and doing cartwheels, and knock on everyone’s door. She’s taking the dog with her. Shannon introduces the bride and groom to be, and Vicki wonders where her fiancé is. News flash: he’s at the bar. Shannon tells everyone to help themselves to the buffet. IMO, it’s a seriously nice spread. Gina says Kelly is doing good; she’s proud of her. Emily asks Brian when he and Kelly are getting married. In a dual interview, Brian says he’d be the luckiest guy to marry Kelly, but not right now. Kelly says, same with her. Vicki gets up, and says on 12/31, 2016, her vision board had what she wanted for her future. We flash back to her saying she put George Clooney in the center of her vision board, and he appeared three months later. Just in case you’re slumming, and have never seen Steve, George Clooney he’s not. Vicki says, she’s gotten every single thing on the board. She’s met her soulmate, and loves and respects him and his family. In her interview, she thinks they’ve gotten it right this time. Steve is quality, and her soulmate. She wants to grow old with him. They’ve both gone through marriages, and know what they want. Vicki hands someone pads from bra, takes a shot, and joins the dancing.

Tamra gyrates all the way to the floor, and Vicki tells her to cover her who-ha. Tamra thinks it’s ironic that they’re all dressed as cowboys, and Kelly is an Indian. She can eff off. Tamra raises two middle fingers, and Vicki says, she’s not doing that. Tamra says she could have put her kids through college with the kind of money she has to pay for the lawsuit. Kelly knew it was devastating, but she reached out to help him. Shannon says she won hers, but it was two years of litigation. In Shannon’s interview, she says Kelly keeps saying she just intended to hurt Tamra, but what she needs to understand is that it’s hurting her too. Kelly crossed the line, and she can’t get past it. Tamra says Kelly is aware of the hours they cried, and how she’s suffered financially. Shannon says, Kelly is an effing a-hole, and Tamra says she wants to believe Kelly has a good heart. Shannon says, Kelly has no good intentions. Shannon leans forward to talk, and her hair catches fire from the candle. Vicki tosses tequila on it, and they scramble to put it out. Shane says, something is burning, and Shannon says, are you kidding me? Billy asks, what happened? and Shannon tells him. Tamra is annoyed that Kelly is laughing with some people, and says, everybody is buying the Kelly juice right now. Tamra heads toward them, and Shannon tells Vicki that Tamra has had a lot to drink.

Tamra stomps over to where Kelly is, and asks what they’re laughing about. In Braunwyn’s interview, she says she has no idea what’s gotten into Tamra. It’s like a light switch flipped, and probably involves a lot of tequila. We see clips of how much Tamra was drinking, ending with her saying she needs one more shot, when no, she doesn’t. Gina thought they had talked it out. In Emily’s interview, she says, it’s the stupidest thing ever. No one is deposing Kelly or using her for a witness. Keep paying you bills for the defamation suit. It has nothing to do with Kelly. Gina thinks she might overreacting, and Tamra asks if Gina wants $300K taken from her. Gina says they can go ahead; she doesn’t have it. In her interview, Braunwyn says she thinks Tamra is picking a fight with Gina because it’s easier. She’s already spoken to Kelly, and it got nowhere. Tamra tells Gina, F-U, pushes Shannon aside, and runs off. In Shannon’s interview, she says Tamra’s anger is justified anger. The nuke Kelly threw went too far. Kelly says Tamra is the one who opened her mouth, and when you lie, you get sued. In her interview, Kelly says, they need to take responsibility for their own sh*t. Shannon says she’s disappointed in Kelly, and Kelly says she’s sorry Shannon feels that way about her. She was backed against a wall. Shannon says she didn’t back Kelly against any wall, and Kelly says she’s not the one who caused it. In Kelly’s interview, she says, did they not just solve this issue in Florida? We flash back to her and Tamra hugging it out. She says, doesn’t Tamra have a husband to tend to? Doesn’t Shannon have a date at this party? Why are they concentrating on her?

Outside, Tamra asks if Gina knows what she’s going through. Gina says, it’s effed up. She’s not saying it’s right. Tamra – who’s lost all sense of reason at this point – says, so Gina is okay with it. Gina says, it’s not wonderful. Inside, Braunwyn tells Kelly that going after Tamra and Shannon wasn’t nice. Kelly says she’s not involved. Is Braunwyn that dumb? In Braunwyn’s interview, she says she’s seeing a side of Kelly that everyone warned her about. When she lashes out, she lashes out hard and deep. She’s not stupid; she just doesn’t agree with Kelly. Well, maybe she’s not stupid, but no one seems to understand that while what Kelly did was nasty, it had no bearing on the lawsuit itself. Shannon asks where Tamra is. She’s outside, screeching at Gina that she would protect her in the same situation. Gina asks what Tamra wants her to do, which causes Tamra’s ever-shrinking brain to implode, and she yells, F-U, and runs across the lawn. She stands by a tree, weeping, and tells Gina – who has made the mistake of thinking you can reason with a drunk – to go away. Gina says she’s acting crazy. An understatement. This is Stassi on her birthday to the nth power.

Kelly says she didn’t get on the stand. Gina finds Tamra – wait for it – standing in the middle of some hedges, like Homer Simpson. Shannon decides to look for Tamra, and Kelly says she’s leaving. She tells Braunwyn that she’s out. Tamra wails that Gina doesn’t understand, and in her interview, Gina says, no, she doesn’t, while laughing her head off. She says she loves Tamra, but she doesn’t love pulling her ass out of the bushes. I wonder if Tamra is trying to give the Countess a run for her money. Or cocktail.  Gina tells Tamra, come on, but Tamra keeps screaming, you don’t know. In her interview, Gina says she’s at an engagement party, and trying to have fun, line dancing and sh*t, and Tamra is being weird and aggressive. She asks if Tamra wants to talk about, but Tamra says, no.

Tamra wants to know why Gina is taking Kelly’s side, and Gina says she’s not taking sides, and tells Tamra to come out. Gina finally pulls her out of the bushes, and now I’m laughing my head off. And Tamra’s hair! She is the definition of a hot mess. Shannon and Vicki join them, and Shannon says she’s dry heaving. Shannon screeches that Gina doesn’t know, and how Gina is just taking this all in stride, I’ll never know. I guess it’s dealing with those unruly kids of hers. In Gina’s interview, she says, they were just line dancing, and now they’re having a meltdown on the curb in the street. Vicki gets all animated, and tell Gina, you should support the people who are hurting, and not the ones who are getting involved. Gina thinks everyone is hurting, and Vicki says, Kelly is a bully. Shannon and Tamra are hurting financially because of what Kelly is getting herself involved in. Kelly tells Shane and Emily that they turn on you, and make it look like you’re turning on them. They did it to themselves. Brian asks what her mantra is. In Kelly’s interview, she says she’s learned there’s a lot of jealousy, and a lot of women like trying to poke the bear. Kelly tells Emily, it was hard to come to this, and Emily says she did a great job. In Kelly’s interview, she says there are people who just want to see a reaction from her, and she has to be above it, and just keep chugging along. She just pities people like that. She tells Emily that when she makes peace, she’s done. She’s like a dude; she’s cool.

In the text, it tells us that Brian and Kelly broke up, but Kelly’s love life is chugging along. She’s engaged to Rick Leventhal after dating for three months.

In her interview, Emily says the past year has been the worst of her life. She’s had a lot to deal with. There were marriage difficulties, and Shane taking the bar exam added stress, but she’s a fighter. Dammit! They’re going to make this work. Shane is going to be a good husband. She hugs Kelly.

The text tells us, Emily is putting her naked cartwheels on hold while she recovers from hip surgery… and until Shane passes the bar. He’s failed three times. (Ah-hah, in Nelson voice.)

Eddie helps Tamra to the car. In her interview, she says she learned maybe she needs to have a filter on her mouth, and keep her opinions to herself. (What a concept!) She’s fortunate that she has an amazing husband and children, love, and a roof over her head. Whatever happens, she knows she’ll get through it.

The text says that Tamra is still involved in the lawsuit, but her sons are getting along. And Tamra has learned that you can’t hide from you’re problems in a bush.

In Braunwyn’s interview, she says she’s grown a lot this year. She knows how strong she is, and how strong her children are. Her relationship with her children has changed; they’re much more open and honest. It’s not so much that way with her mother. They haven’t gotten to that place yet.

We read that Braunwyn had a 42nd milestone birthday party (because no one told her that 42 isn’t a milestone year). All of the Housewives were invited… Her mother wasn’t.

Braunwyn tells Gina, maybe they’ll finally get to meet Matt. In Gina’s interview, she says this year showed her that she has strength and can persevere. She can get through a lot of stuff, and it feels good. She’s excited to see what the future holds for her and Matt.

We see that Matt moved in, but then was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence. His case is being heard in January of 2020, and he’s pleading not guilty. W.T.F.?

In Shannon’s interview, she says her divorce is final. She’s not jumping into a relationship again. She has one more shot to do it right, and she’s going to find someone, grow old, and be happy.

We’re told that Shannon’s hair was the only spark she felt that night. She hasn’t seen Duff since, but things have been heating up with her new boyfriend John.

Vicki puts on a cowboy hat, and asks Steve if she looks country. He thinks she could do better. She takes the hat off, and throws it in the trunk. They drive off.

🍊 Next time – starting Wednesday – today – The Finale: Part One. There was no preview, but I do have this. And just give Vicki an orange, or whatever it is they hold, already. She was in the same amount of the show.

🚓 Inquiring Minds Had To Know…

This happened a while ago.

🏡 For the House…

I don’t normally pay much attention to TV commercials – unless there’s an animal involved – but I could appreciate this one. Who hasn’t used the excuse, it’s for the house, to buy something? And it really is for the house, it’s just that no one else but you would give a flying if you bought it or not. They got this one right.

For Your Slam Book…

‘Tis the season to be fetch.

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