Monthly Archives: April 2020

April 29, 2020 – Finn Says Chase Made a Mistake, LisaR’s Game Goes South, Hills Newbie, GG Is a Mom, Culture Backlash, Best Bromance Ever & Staying


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the first couple of minutes, but it was mostly a replay of the end of yesterday’s show, and Sam harangued Brando some more about Molly.

Brando asks Sam if Molly knows she’s making ultimatums on her behalf. She says, stay away from Molly.

Lulu runs into Crimson, and Nina says, Valentin is with Charlotte in her office. She asks Lulu to give him a chance to make it right. Charlotte asks if Valentin still loves her, and he says, with all his heart. She says, then take her away. They can be together, the way it’s supposed to be. He says, it’s not that simple, but she says they can run right now, and no one can stop them.

At the MetroCourt, Nelle tells Willow, she didn’t mean to eavesdrop. She wants to apologize. Willow asks, for what? and Nelle says, it was rude when she said Willow meant nothing to Wiley. Willow asks, which time? and Nelle says, all of them, but especially at Crimson. Nina helped her realize that they’re just two mothers who had their children cruelly taken from them. Willow says, forgive her if she doesn’t want to form a support group, and Nelle says, now Chase is throwing Willow away like he did to her. She wondered how she could be so stupid to fall for him, but under that gorgeous face and sweet veneer, is a liar and a seducer. He’s an expert at seducing vulnerable women.

Michael tells Carly, he found Chase and Sasha together. Carly says, as in sleeping together? and he says, it had been going on a while. He and Willow were so focused on Wiley and the custody fight, Sasha and Chase turned to each other. Carly says, so Chase and Sasha were jealous and angry that he and Willow were spending time with Wiley. He says Carly told him not to get in too deep with Sasha, but Carly says she doesn’t think she said that. He says she did, and she was right.

Brando tells Sam, he let Molly know that TJ won’t hear from him; it’s not his place. Since Sam decided to insert herself in their business, he asks if Molly is going to be coming clean. Sam says Molly is an honest person, so she assumes so. Brando says, she’s honest, but didn’t tell him that she had a boyfriend. Sam says Molly thought she was single, and was heartbroken. She’d never sleep with someone like him. He says Sam doesn’t know him, and she says she knows he hurt Kristina’s feelings. He says, he apologized, and she should stop butting into things that are none of her business. Sam says Molly is her sister, and he says, she’s an adult. Sam says she doesn’t care. She’ll always protect Molly. He says, even if Molly doesn’t want her to?

Molly says there’s nothing Kristina can say that will convince her the truth isn’t the right thing, but Kristina says, why risk everything for a one-night stand that didn’t mean anything? Molly says, their relationship is built on honesty, and she has to be honest for it to work. It will be written all over her face anyway, and if she gets caught keeping a secret, it’s not worth it. Kristina thinks Molly confessing is a way to make herself feel better, at TJ’s expense.

Valentin tells Charlotte, neither one of them is going anywhere, but she won’t see him for a while. She says, because she’s bad? but he says, she’s a good girl. She says she wants things like they were when she was little; just the two of them. He loved her then. He says he loves her now, and always will. They hug, and she asks why he won’t fight for her. He flashes back to telling Charlotte that he wishes she’d never been involved, and he’s sorry. She says, it’s not his fault. It’s Nikolas and Ava’s fault, and Sasha for lying. And mommy too. She doesn’t like him, and didn’t want him and Nina to be happy. He’s going to fix it, right? Find a way to get Windymere back, and make Nina love him again. Then they can have their happily ever after.

Nina asks Lulu if she has any idea why Charlotte was so upset, and Lulu says she thinks Charlotte overheard her talking to Laura about Valentin choosing not to fight her custody petition. It was a shock. Her mom thinks he’s sincere, but she still doesn’t trust him. Valentin comes out with Charlotte, and Lulu hugs her, saying, she was so worried. Charlotte can’t run off like that again. Charlotte says she couldn’t let papa leave her. He’d do anything to keep them together. Lulu says she knows he would, and Charlotte says she had to show him that she would too.

Willow tells Nelle, go to hell. Nelle says, she’s just trying… and Willow says, to manipulate her, like she did Chase and her mom? She knows who Nelle is. She murdered her first fiancé, and tried to murder Michael. When it didn’t work, she left Michael to die in a burning car. If there’s one thing Brad is telling the truth about, it’s that Nelle gave him her baby. Nelle wanted Lucas to keep him, so Michael wouldn’t have him. She used Willow’s dead child like a prop, to convince Michael that their child was dead. Nelle says, all’s well that ends well. Sasha is more Chase’s type anyway. Willow says, goodbye, and walks out.

Finn asks what makes Chase think that Willow and Michael will get married? and Chase says, because as sure as Finn was that he was lying, he’s positive once the road is clear, Willow will follow her heart straight to Wiley. Finn sighs, and says, bro, bro, bro. He guesses Chase’s intentions are honorable. Chase thanks him, and says, just so he knows, Sasha has been incredibly stand-up. She’s no happier than he is, but they agreed Wiley’s safety comes first. Finn says Chase isn’t going to like what he has to say. His intentions are good, but his method stinks. He made a huge mistake.

Valentin tells Charlotte, there’s a right and wrong way to keep a family together. Charlotte asks what the right way is, and he says they have to figure that out. They’ll always be family, even if they don’t see each other for a while. She doesn’t want him to go away, and he asks if she remembers when he went away on long trips. Claudette would take care of her, and he always came back. She says, what if he doesn’t come back this time? and he says, impossible. He would miss her too much. Loving her keeps his heart beating. She says, hers too, and Lulu asks to speak to Charlotte. Charlotte says, no, he can’t leave, but Valentin says he’s staying right there; he promises. Has he ever broken a promise to her? Charlotte shakes her head, and Valentin goes out to the reception area. Lulu says she needs to ask Charlotte a question, and Charlotte needs to be totally honest. She won’t be in trouble. Did she hear Lulu and her grandmother talking?

Valentin thanks Nina for calling, and Nina says, of course (🍷). She’s sorry Charlotte is going through this. He says, he is too, and she says, Lulu said he’s not fighting her petition for full custody. He says, he’s not, and she says, wow. She never thought he’d give up on his daughter.

Sam tells Brando, Molly likes to see the best in people; she’s more realistic. She knows he’s been locked up. He says, that makes two of them, but he’s completely free, legally speaking. Isn’t she on parole? Now he gets it. She asks what he thinks he gets, and he says, this isn’t about Molly. It’s about her and Jason

Kristina asks Molly, if TJ had called, and said he was angry and needed time, would she have slept with Brando? Molly says, of course (🍷) not, but TJ didn’t ghost her. He was taken against his will. Kristina says, she had no way of knowing that. Did she sleep with Brando to get back at TJ? Molly says, no, and Kristina asks why she did it. Molly says because she was tired of feeling frustrated and angry, and Brando made her laugh; it felt good. Kristina says that’s exactly her point. It had nothing to do with TJ. There’s no reason tell him. TJ walks in, and says, tell him what? Ha-ha! I love soap moments like that.

Kristina says, her future domestic-partner-in-law. Molly told them the big news, and she’s so happy. He’s now stuck with the Davis sisters forever. He says, that’s been the plan for a while. Molly says she wasn’t expecting him to show up, and he says, that was the idea; he wanted to surprise her. He picked up her car. He knows how hard it’s been for her, and how lonely she must have felt. Molly says she’s been a bit of a mess, and Kristian says, was she ever. TJ says, something is wrong, but Molly says, no. He’s there now. He says the way she was looking at him… She says, sorry. It’s just the past few days have been surreal. He says, they’re together now, and he’s going to do everything to prove they’ll stay together from now on.

Sam asks what Brando could possibly know about her and Jason. He says Josslyn said they can’t be together because of her being on parole. She says, that’s none of his business, and he says, like what happened between him and Molly not being hers. How about if they find their own business? He needs to get back to work. She says, don’t dismiss her; she’s not done. He says, he’s done. She’s welcome to watch him work. She tells him something about the mechanics of a nearby bike, and he asks if she’s a bike expert.

Valentin tells Nina, she’s said things to him that he’s earned, but she knows better. He’d never give up his daughter. She says, then fight for her; stay in her life. He says he’s trying to do the right thing. He’s a bad influence, and has to keep his distance. She says, he could do that, or he can be a better man.

Charlotte tells Lulu, she came down for a snack, and heard them talking about papa. Lulu wishes Charlotte had told her that she was there, but Charlotte says Lulu never wants to talk about papa in front of her. She always changes the subject.

Michael tells Carly, he loves Sasha, and thought what they had was real. She says she thinks it was real, but doesn’t think Sasha is the woman he needed. He thinks she’s right. The whole Wiley situation blindsided them both. Sasha wasn’t ready for an instant family, and consciously or subconsciously, she got out. Carly says, they’ll get him through this. He’ll get custody of Wiley, and find the woman he deserves. She hugs him.

Molly says she has to call Sam; she was going to pick up the car. TJ says he ran into her, and she knows he has it. He was surprised to see her. He figured they’d still be talking. Kristina says, they have busy lives. Her lunch break is over; can she get them anything? TJ says, a veggie burger and fries, and asks if Molly wants something. Molly says, now that she has the car back, she has to run errands. He asks if she wants company, but she tells him, enjoy his burger. She’s going to the library to pick up a law book, and maybe she’ll research some precedents. He says, remember, be home by dinner. They start to kiss, and Kristina says, a veggie burger and fries coming up. TJ says he loves Molly, and she says she loves him too.

Brando tells Sam, he’s not there to cause trouble; the opposite. She asks what that would be? Solving people’s problems? He says he’s staying there to help cover for Dev because Sonny wants him to. She asks what exactly is he getting out of the deal, the garage? He says he has no ulterior motive, and she says, everything was out of the kindness of his heart. Sam says she’s calling a car, and getting the hell out of there. He says, she doesn’t have her own car? but she says she came to pick up Molly. Hers is in the shop, if he must know. He hopes she’s satisfied with the service. If she is, they never have to cross paths again.

Nina says Valentin has done terrible things. He can be a better man, and stay in Charlotte’s life. Be the positive influence she needs, instead of proving you walk away when the going gets tough. He says he’s trying to do right by his daughter, but Nina says, she’s a little girl. She won’t see it that way. He says he’s lived a life fueled by resentment, but she says he’s capable of great love. He’s not sure he is, and she says, he’s Charlotte’s papa. She’ll love him unconditionally for the rest of her life. He says, she’ll see he’s trying to do the right thing, and Nina says, she’ll see what it’s costing him. It doesn’t have to be that way. The right thing he has planned is just wrong. He says, she’s right, and she says, of course (🍷) she is. The one time he’s trying to be noble, he’s screwing it up.

Charlotte tells Lulu, she said papa was walking away for her own good, and said she was glad. Lulu says she’s so sorry, but Charlotte heard part of a grown-up conversation she didn’t understand. She wishes Charlotte had talked to her, instead of running. Charlotte says Lulu didn’t ask how she feels. She doesn’t care that Charlotte misses him every minute.

Carly asks if there’s anything she can do for Michael, and he says she already did. She listened and didn’t judge. She says he didn’t do anything wrong, and he says he can’t afford any more mistakes. He feels like he’s jumping out of his skin. The custody situation is in limbo, and he doesn’t know what Nelle will do next. He’s got to do something. She suggests he go for a run; clear his head. He says, good idea, and she says he should always take her advice. Carly flashes back to calling Sasha a con artist, and saying she thought Sasha was different. She remembers telling Sasha that she’s willing to give her a second chance, but make the most of it. She doesn’t give a third when her kids are involved. I guess Carly forgot to flash back to when Sasha told her about how she’d be willing to step aside for Michael to marry Willow.

Chase tells Finn that when he said he was glad Finn was there, he was wrong. He opens the door, and says, get out. Finn asks if love and family aren’t about being honest, no matter how difficult. He read that somewhere. Chase asks if Finn doesn’t see how hard this is for him. He loves Willow, and hated breaking her heart, and his was torn to shreds in the process. Finn says he should have told Willow what was at stake, and let her make up her own mind. He can’t make those decisions for her. She has to make her own choices. Chase says, it’s too late. It’s over; done. Finn says Chase has to find her, and tell her the truth. If he comes clean, he’ll have a chance to save the relationship. Chase says he doesn’t know, and Finn says, there’s only one way to find out, and no time like the present. He needs to move on this. The longer the lie festers, the smaller the chance he has of winning her back. Chase says, Wiley needs Willow, and Finn says, let her decide how to help him. It’s not fair to her, Michael, or Wiley if her decision is based on a lie. Go find her and fix this.

Michael gets ready to run in the park. He flashes back to telling Sasha, he’s had the best time of his life on the island because of her, as they bask in the afterglow. He remembers telling her that he loves her, and her saying she loves him too. He thinks about her saying that she felt shut out, and she and Chase were commiserating. She never wanted to hurt him, but didn’t know how to tell him. She was wrong, but she can’t stand watching him hate her. He begins his run.

Sasha goes to the MetroCourt bar, and Nelle says, proceed at her own risk. Carly is going to strike Sasha down for cheating on her precious son. She might save herself from the humiliation of being thrown out, and leave on her own. Sasha tells her to find someone who cares, and Nelle says, it saved her lawyer a phone call. He wants Sasha to be a character witness against Michael. After what happened, she can’t be staying at the Quartermaines. Did she move in with Chase? Where can Nelle reach her? Sasha says she can’t believe what a bitch Nelle is, and Nelle says she thinks Sasha’s been warned. All of this from a backstabbing, boyfriend stealing slut. Nelle walks away, and sees Carly coming. She says she heard Michael had his heart broken again. She’ll talk to Carly soon.

Valentin tells Nina, it kills him to think he’s abandoning Charlotte, and Nelle says, show her that she’s wrong. He says he hopes he gets the chance, and she says, the Valentin she knows doesn’t wait for a chance; he makes one. He says, the old him that she told him not to be? She says, be the Valentin she knows. Lulu comes out with Charlotte, and says she and Valentin need to talk.

A car horn blows, and Sam says, it must be her ride. Brando says, don’t be a stranger. Molly walks in, and says, Sam is still there? Why? Sam asks what Molly is doing there, but Brando thinks Molly has the better question. Why doesn’t Sam answer her? Molly says, this saved her the trouble of telling them separately. She’s decided not to tell TJ about their night together. Brando say, it’s her business. He already told her that he won’t say anything. She thanks him, and Sam says she has a car waiting, if Molly wants to walk out with her. Molly tells her, go ahead. She wants to talk to Brando for a second. Sam says she’ll check in on Molly, and Molly says she knows Sam will. Sam leaves, and Brando asks if there’s something Molly needs to say.

Nina suggests she and Charlotte look at pictures from the shoot. Charlotte can help her pick some out for the spread. Charlotte says, they’ve been in there forever, but Nina says, they haven’t, and asks Charlotte to come over there. They have to take their time, because they’re talking about the most important thing in the world – her. Charlotte says, that should be a no-brainer. Nina laughs, and says she wants Charlotte to understand that, whatever their decision, it’s because they love her. Charlotte says she understands, but she doesn’t have to like it. Nina says, she doesn’t, but whatever they decide, she’ll always be there for Charlotte, no matter what. They hug, and Valentin and Lulu come out of Nina’s office. Charlotte says, well? and Lulu says, time to go home. Charlotte asks what about Valentin? and he says he’ll pick her up tomorrow. They have some riding to do. She says he’s not going away? and he says, never. Lulu says, they’ll be better. Charlotte deserves to be loved be both parents. Charlotte hugs both of them, and Valentin smiles at Nina.

Molly serves TJ his meal, and asks if he’s okay. He asks how Molly seems to her, and she says he sees her more. What does he think? He says, to be honest, she seems a little shaky. She’s usually strong and steady, but since he got back… Kristina says, from being kidnapped. Molly thought he’d ghosted her, and was heartbroken. Then to find out what really happened… She knows it’s hard for him to imagine. Molly is strong, but she was lost without him. He’s her rock, and she thought she’d lost him forever. He’s sorry Molly had to go through that, but Kristina says, it’s not his fault, which is good. They don’t have to hate him forever. He says it’s good he was kidnapped? and she says, understand the silver lining. He and Molly have their whole lives ahead. Put the past behind them, and move on. TJ says, agreed. There’s nothing he’d like to do more than look forward to the future with Molly.

Molly hopes Sam wasn’t too hard on Brando, but he says he can take it. He doesn’t want to be on Sam’s bad side. She says, definitely not, and he says, Sam is her big sister, and family is supposed to look out for each other. She says, it’s one thing the Davises are good at. He tells her, no reason to worry. He’s not going to say anything. She says, one more thing she wanted to be clear about. She made her own choices that night. Everything she did, she wanted to do. He didn’t take advantage of her, but it can never happen again. He says he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Nothing happened between them. She thanks him, and says, for what it’s worth, she’s sorry. He says, nice knowing her.

Sasha tells Carly, before she says anything… Carly says she spoke to her son. He blames himself for what happened, but she wants Sasha to know she blames her.

Michael slows down, and stops. Nelle appears, and says, bad day? Does he want to talk about it?

Chase looks at a picture of him and Willow. He says, find her and fix this. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Willow, and he says, it feels weird having her knock. She says, it feels weird to knock. She won’t stay long. She’s just picking up her stuff. She starts to go into the bedroom, and he says, Willow…?

Tomorrow, Sonny has something to tell everyone, Julian tells Brook to stay out of his bar, Michael says he’ll never trust Nelle, and Carly asks why Sasha cheated on her son.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Tonight’s show began with PK making extremely important decisions from his hot tub. Apparently, there are his and hers hot tubs at their house. Mauricio and the kids welcomed Kyle home from NYC. She didn’t exactly relax, immediately getting ready to have sixteen people for dinner. Erika rehearsed for Chicago, and said her mother’s critical voice in her head always interfered with her psyche. In the picture they showed of Erika with her mother, her mother looked stern and unyielding, like a retired nun, or a Nazi. According to Erika, she acted like one too, but Erika said at least she was honest.

Teddi disagreed with LisaR on whether Amelia should come home from NYC, but didn’t want to call LisaR’s parenting skills into question. In Teddi’s interview, she said she’d wanted to come home from L.A. when she was younger, and her parents told her to say there. I understood this, since there was a moment I’d wanted to leave NYC, and go back home, and my father suggested I stay put. We got a glimpse inside the gift bags Sutton passed out last week, and it included a clutch worth almost $2K. How do I get on the next gift bag list? Sutton told Teddi that she’d be coming to Teddi’s retreat, and hoped Teddi gave a sh*t. Sutton thought Teddi’s I-don’t-care-if-you-come-or-not invite wasn’t the right approach with girlfriends, and in LisaR’s interview, she said it was fun to rile Teddi up; it didn’t take much.

Denise was still recovering from her hernia operation, and said she was used to sucking it up; it’s how she was raised. The morally corrupt Faye Resnick was at Kyle’s party, and Garcelle arrived wearing the most amazing tulle high/low ballet skirt. When dinner was served, I started wondering why there always has to be a foam of some kind. I don’t want any food foam on my plater. Every time I hear it, it makes my stomach turn a little. Kyle thanked her husband for doing a stellar job holding down the fort. LisaR got the bright idea to play a game by telling the person to their left what their first impression was of them. It was a mutual admiration society until they got to Sutton, who said she thought Teddi would be boring, and she was pregnant, God help us. But then she found that Teddi had more depth than she’d thought. She added she thought it was strange for Teddi to tell everyone she didn’t care if they came to her retreat, and this was the final straw for Teddi, who started crying, which prompted several of the women to gather around and hug her. The guys all looked at their plates, and Edwin said all she heard was boring. Mauricio said she was going to magnify the word all night, and it would be like a Pacman. Sutton said she was sorry to offend Teddi, and in LisaR’s interview, she said, what you see is what you get with Sutton.

Kyle asked Aaron about what he did, which prompted a long and rambling speech about the splitting of atoms being able to cause a nuclear reaction, when we couldn’t cure cancer. At first, I thought he must have gotten stoned with Mauricio, but I deciphered he had something to do with alternative medicine, and was against Big Pharma. Denise said people were following them, who didn’t want Aaron publishing his results, and in her interview, Garcelle said it started off awkward, and went to bizarre, and then more bizarre. Denise finally told Aaron to quit talking about it, and everyone guessed the sex of Teddi’s baby. The general consensus was a boy, but we saw a clip of the reveal party where the confetti was pink. Teddi told them they were wrong; it was going to be a girl. Denise apologized, and she and Aaron left, and Kyle announced it was time for Fireball.

Sutton told Kyle, she thought Teddi was pissed at her, but Kyle said if Sutton was being honest, then she was cool. In Kyle’s interview, she said she sensed Sutton felt intimidated by all the women. I got the feeling Sutton wasn’t used to there being zero etiquette at a party. We saw clips of Kyle rocking it out afterward, and Mauricio filming her doing the splits. The next day, Sutton got together with Kyle, and said she’d felt picked on. Kyle said she’d wanted everyone to get to know one another, but it went awry. At lunch, Erika asked how Teddi really felt about Sutton coming to her retreat, and Teddi said she didn’t want Sutton there. For being the only one not holding a diamond, Sutton sure gets a lot of screen time. And from the preview, apparently Sutton goes to the retreat, and LisaR picks on Kyle at dinner.

Aaron had the best quote: if you live up here for a while, you want to drink tequila.

🥄 Garcelle’s Digging In…

And Kyle’s not having it.

👶🏽 It’s an Elijah…

GG gives birth to her baby boy.  🎉 Congratulations!

🎶 Singing My Tune…

Rather than being the great equalizer celebrities have touted, it’s more like the pandemic widened the divide. While I begrudge no one a lavish lifestyle, I’m tired of celebrities having undue influence. Just stick to entertaining, dammit.

🏆 Couple Of the Year…

I love Deadpool.

🌱 Soon…

As we get close to another (what’s a) weekend, it looks like restrictions are starting to be lifted. I hope you kept your job, or at least your sanity, and have used the time to hone a useful skill, like calligraphy, or solo beer pong. Stay safe, stay smart, and stay ready for not having to stay.

April 28, 2020 – Sonny Makes a Deal, Stassi Gets Her Wish, Scheana Weirds Us Out, Alex Goes To the Cowboy Bar & a Light


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

On the phone, Nina says she got permission to shoot at the fine art museum. Call her when it’s confirmed. In the meantime, try to keep dry. Jax says it sounds like she’s in crisis mode, and she says, it’s raining on the tropical island where they’re shooting. She had to go to plan B. He asks if there’s anything he can do to help. She says he can give her a hug, and he says he can give her more than that. He hugs her, and says, Nelle isn’t helping? Did Nina take his suggestion and fire her? Nina says, no. She sent Nelle on some errands. She didn’t want Nelle telling tales out of school, or talking to The Invader. He asks, what kind of tales? and she says, surprise, surprise. Sasha cheated on Michael. Since he’s Sonny’s son, it’s sure to be news.

Alexis sees Valentin at the MetroCourt bar, and she says they have to quit meeting like this. He looks like he just lost his best friend. He says he has, but she’s better off without him.

Lulu tells Laura, after fighting tooth and nail, she thinks Valentin is going to give up Charlotte? Laura says she only knows what Valentin told her. Laura flashes back to Valentin saying she’s a good person, and Charlotte needs her to learn right from wrong, and be a steady force in her life. Laura says she’s tried to provide that, and he tells her, what he’s trying to say is, he needs her to teach Charlotte to be good. Clearly, he can’t do that. Lulu tells Laura, she knows how manipulative Valentin can be, but Laura says, this is different. She saw him at the MetroCourt after Violet’s birthday party. Lulu says, when Laura was advocating for him? and Laura says, when she was advocating for Charlotte. Valentin pulled her aside, and said the most extraordinary thing. She’s not sure if she believed him. Lulu says, so tell her, and Laura says, he said he wanted her to look after Charlotte, and made it sound like he was going to walk away from her for her own good. Charlotte hears them talking.

Brando tells TJ, as soon as he runs the card, TJ is good to go. The keys are in the car. TJ says, hold on. Something is wrong.

At Charlie’s, Sam asks if Molly got in an accident, and Molly says she went over a curb. The car was making a weird noise, and she didn’t want to drive it home in case she caused more damage. Sam asks why she didn’t call, and Molly says, she was fine, and there was a garage half a block away. It was closed, but the mechanic let her in. She was speed talking, like she is now, but worse. She asked him if he could do the work, and he said he could, or he could keep it overnight if she wanted to take it to the dealer. He went out of his way not to take advantage of her. Sam says, nice guy, and Molly says, very. They just met him. Brando Corbin.

Sonny says, Cyrus took his best shot and missed. Why doesn’t he crawl back in the hole he came from? Otherwise, there will be a war. Cyrus says he can’t go back to Seattle empty handed, and Sonny says, it will show weakness to his organization, and Cyrus will be at risk. What they’re left with is a nuclear option. Sonny starts to walk away, and Cyrus says, wait. He has a counteroffer that will work for both of them. Sonny says he’s listening.

Chase comes home, and is hit with the fact Willow is gone. He flashes back to Willow dressed up, waiting for him, and saying, wine guy come through. He tells her not to come near him until he showers, but she says she’ll risk it, and kisses him. Alone again, there’s a knock at the door, and Chase opens it to find Finn, who says he thinks he needs an explanation. Chase left Violet’s party before she even opened his present. She loved it. Chase says he’s glad, but it’s a bad time. Not because of Finn. Finn says, it’s obvious Chase isn’t his annoyingly upbeat self. Tell him what’s going on. Chase says he cheated on Willow. Willow found out, and now he’s lost her.

Valentin says, Alexis has handled custody cases before, and she says, it’s not a good time, but she’ll be happy to recommend someone. He says he’s not looking for representation. He’s not planning on challenging Lulu’s petition for sole custody. Alexis says she thought he and Lulu would be fighting until Charlotte was old enough to have children of her own, but he says, Charlotte needs stability and permanence in her life. Alexis says, so he’s giving up on her? She thought Valentin adored her. He says, she’s not such a little girl anymore, and she’s seen some regrettable behavior on his part. Alexis says, she’ll get over it. She’s made mistakes in life – a lot actually – but her children are grounded. She can’t imagine life without them. He says he can’t imagine life without Charlotte, but he’s not doing this for him. He’s doing it for her. He has to find the strength to walk away and not look back.

Jax tells Nina, Michael believed in Sasha, and stood by her. It must have been hard to find out he was wrong. Nina says, even worse, it could affect Michael’s custody fight. He says, it makes no sense; they seemed genuinely happy, and crazy about each other. Nina says, Sasha has a way of making people believe what she wants them to, and Michael was determined to believe she was a fallen angel, who needed his love and support. She tried to warn him. Sasha is weak at best, and an opportunist at worst. Jax says, and Nina still misses her.

Cyrus says he and Sonny can have the peace they both want. He won’t threaten Sonny’s turf or family. Sonny says, in return for what? and Cyrus says he won’t interfere with Sonny’s business, if Sonny doesn’t interfere with his. All he asks is an opportunity to put down roots in Port Charles. Sonny asks, what’s the attraction? and Cyrus says, after so many wrongful years in prison, he craves fresh air, sunlight, and a home where it’s quiet and friendly. Jason asks if that includes the sniper watching from the rooftop. Sonny asks if this is how Cyrus wants it to go down.

Kristina asks Molly, if it’s the Brando who thinks she’s an idiot who fell for mumbo jumbo. Sam says, he was talking about the cult thing, and Kristina says, Molly slept with him? Molly says Kristina was just proud of what she did, and Kristina says she is. It was human and healthy. Molly says, she’s not proud, and Sam says, she was hurting, and Brando happened to be in the right place at the wrong time. It was just one night, right? And she still wants TJ. Molly says, more than anything, and Sam says, good. She heard Brando say Molly could pick up the car. She’s sure Molly doesn’t want to see Brando again, and Molly says, never. Sam says, she’ll pick up the car for Molly, and Molly asks her to promise she won’t say anything. Sam says she’s not going to kick Brando, but maybe she’ll kick the tires.

Brando asks TJ, what’s wrong? and TJ says, the parts and labor barely cover the cost of the repairs. He wonders if Brando confused Molly with another customer, but Brando says he gives a discount to first time customers. It keeps them coming back. TJ hopes Molly just comes back for an oil change next time. He thanks Brando for not taking advantage by doing unnecessary work, and Brando says Molly was worried about TJ being in the hospital. TJ says he’s going to be off the crutches soon. He wonders what Molly told Brando, since she had her accident before he went to the hospital.

Charlotte listens to Lulu and Laura talking. Lulu says she and Valentin have been fighting since she found out Charlotte was her daughter. What made him back down? Something happened. Laura says, it must have, for him to think Charlotte would be better off without him. Charlotte flashes back to telling Valentin that she saw him push Ava off the parapet. Lulu says, if Valentin wasn’t convinced after Charlotte was kidnapped, she can’t imagine what changed his mind. Laura says, her either. He didn’t confide the reason for his change of heart. Lulu says, assuming he has a heart, and Laura says, that’s not fair. He’s a flawed man, but he loves Charlotte. Putting her happiness and well-being ahead of his own is the true test a real parent.

Alexis wonders what brought about Valentin’s decision to abandon his child. He asks what’s with her concern; should he be worried? She says, it’s nothing to be concerned about, and he says, the lady doth protest too much. She’s working hard to cover up something. If she wants to talk, he can listen. She flashes back to Sam telling her that she should have questioned the whole system; then the board would have questioned it too. Sam asks if Neil makes Alexis happy, and why the hell Alexis didn’t fight for him? Alexis tells Sam, it wasn’t an option, and Sam asks if that’s because it was too difficult, and she was afraid she’d be in trouble. She was never scared before, and used to be Sam’s hero. Alexis remembers taking a drink.

Nina tells Jax, when they met, who she thought Sasha was, wasn’t who she really was. Jax says, if she wants help finding her real daughter, let him know. She asks him to stop trying to solve her problems. He doesn’t try to control her, and supports and bolsters her, but she spent a lot of time and effort learning how to stand on her own two feet, and count on herself. And she does for the most part. He says, absolutely; no question about that. She says, all of his offers to help and sweep her off her feet are super tempting, but it’s like being offered the best desert after every meal. She wants to say yes, but knows she’d wind up regretting it. So she only says yes on special occasions. He asks if they can make this a special occasion, but she says, it doesn’t seem special. He kisses her.

Chase tells Finn, remember last Thanksgiving, when he told Finn that Willow might be pregnant? He and Willow got to talking, and he realized Willow was practically ready to have a family. It freaked him out. Willow had Wiley in her life, but then she found out he wasn’t her biological son. He was terrified that losing both her son and Wiley would break her. Then she started hanging out with Michael and Wiley every waking moment. He knew Sasha was in the same boat, and they got to talking about what they could do about the situation. One thing led to another… Finn says, and they slept together. Chase says they swore it would never happen again, but it did, and it kept happening. When Sasha was with him, she was actually with him; it felt as if he had her full attention, and he knows she felt the same way. They got careless, and Willow walked in on them. And that, as they say, is that. It’s over. Finn says, wow. That has to be the biggest load of crap he’s ever heard. Does Chase want to tell him what really happened?

Lulu knows Laura is no pushover. What did Valentin say to convince her that he was putting Charlotte first? Laura tells her, it’s not so much what he said as the state he was in. He’s a good actor, and she’s a good judge of character. Losing Nina, Windymere, and his association with the Cassadines changed him. How could it not? Lulu says, it’s the same Valentin who shot Nikolas, and Laura says, the brother Lulu can’t forgive for surviving. Lulu tells her, stay on topic. Valentin would do anything for Charlotte, but to just walk away makes no sense. Laura says, maybe walking away is doing anything for Charlotte. Maybe he loves her that much.

Jax suggests he and Nina take the afternoon off, and go to his place. She looks at her desk, and he says, nothing but work there. He steers her face back to him, and says, nothing but fun here. Charlotte runs in, and yells at Jax to leave Nina alone. Nina asks how she got there, and charlotte says, Nina and her papa have to get back together, and she needs it to happen today.

Cyrus tells Jason, very perceptive, but the man on the roof is just a precaution in case Sonny has his own man on the opposite roof. Sonny says he has all the back-up he needs right there, and Cyrus says, of course (🍷), and waves his guy off. He asks Sonny, satisfied? He’d like to proceed with the negotiation. Sonny says he has an offer; take it or leave it. One time only.

Brando tells TJ, he ran into Molly at Kelly’s and she mentioned the hospital. He’s glad TJ is doing well. TJ thanks him for fixing the car. Sam comes in, and TJ asks if she brought her car in too. She says, no. She thought she’d do Molly a favor, and pick up her car. She’s assuming TJ beat her to it. She asks if everything is okay, and TJ says Brando just made himself a customer. He took care of Molly with a special deal. Sam says, really?

Lulu looks at a picture of Charlotte, and tells Laura, she never doubted Valentin’s love for Charlotte; it’s how he shows it. When his and Nina’s wedding went south, he snuck out with Charlotte. Laura say she’s not defending him, but they don’t know for certain Valentin was kidnapping Charlotte. He might have wanted to get her away from Windymere. Nikolas had come home to take the estate, and Valentin might have wanted to take Charlotte to a hotel. Lulu says, or disappear with her forever. Laura says they can keep reiterating the things he’s done wrong forever, but she has to admit, Valentin had a life-altering experience, and at least where Charlotte is concerned, he’s doing his best. Lulu says, when Valentin tries to come off as wise and compassionate, she starts counting the silverware. Laura says, all right. Let’s focus on the matter at hand. How are they going to tell Charlotte?

Nina hugs Charlotte, and Jax suggests he give them privacy, but Nina asks him to stay. Charlotte is growing up, and Nina thinks she can handle it. She tells Charlotte, she needs to understand that she and Jax care for one another. Charlotte says she and papa belong together, and Nina says she’ll always be Charlotte’s friend, but Jax is very important to her. He’s a good guy. Charlotte says papa is going to leave, and not fight for her anymore. He doesn’t want to see her. Jax says, of course (🍷) he wants to see her. Dads are forever.

Alexis tells Valentin, let’s just say she made a mistake. At the time, she didn’t think it was, so she tried to help someone, but might lose her law license. He says, that’s rough; he’s sorry. It’s not the end of the world though. She says, it feels like it, and he says he gets it, but she’s more than just a job. She says, when she thought they were related, she couldn’t stand him. But now that they’re not related, she almost likes him… whoever he is now. Who is he? He says he’d like to know that himself. His phone rings. It’s Nina, who asks how soon he can get to her office. He says he’s in the MetroCourt. What’s up? She says, it’s Charlotte. She’s upset, and needs her father. He asks if she’s all right, and Nina says, just get here. He tells Alexis, he has to go, and jets.

Chase says he just told Finn the whole story, and Finn says, it was a story, all right. A doozy. Chase says Finn is saying that to his face, and Finn says Chase’s face might as well have a sign that says, nice to meet you; I’m lying. There’s no way he’d cheat on Willow. Chase says he hates to let Finn down, but that’s what happened. He didn’t want to hurt Willow, but he had to face what he did. Finn says, they know he’s not the best with emotions, but he can see Chase loves Willow with all his heart, to the moon and back, and all the other clichés. Most days, Chase is a walking Valentine’s Day card, attached to a candy heart that says something embarrassing. Chase says, of course (🍷) he loves Willow, and Finn says, that’s why he’s not having an affair. Chase tells him, ask Willow. She walked in on them. Finn says, Willow saw what they wanted her to see. Why do that? Chase says, he doesn’t know, but it’s killing him inside. Finn suggests Chase drop the act, and tell him why he did the dumbest thing in his life, and pushed Willow away.

Molly tells Kristina, no more details about her love life. Kristina asks if she can offer some advice, and Molly says, no. Kristina tells her not to be so hard on herself. Molly says she gave up on TJ, but Kristina says, she’s not a bad person. Molly says, she’s a bad partner. She fell into bed with the first person who came along. Kristina says Molly isn’t psychic. For all she knew, TJ was having crazy, wild sex too. Molly asks if that’s supposed to make her feel better. Kristina says she’s trying, and Molly says she can rationalize until hell freezes over, but when it comes down to it, she knows what she has to do. She flashes back to TJ telling her, if their positions were reversed, he would have felt the same. She says he doesn’t have to be so nice to her, and he says his mom got texts she thought were from him. Of course (🍷) Molly thought he was icing her out, but they’re ok now. There’s nothing they can’t take back.

TJ asks if Sam wants to surprise Molly together, but she says she has something to discuss with Brando. TJ thanks Brando again, and leaves. Brando says, if this is about Kristina, he did his best to apologize. Sam says Kristina will forget about him like she forgot about Shiloh and DoD. He’s already given one of her sisters special treatment; isn’t it enough? She doesn’t know him, but she knows why he came there. He brought a lot of baggage, and she doesn’t want him to think he can drop it on Molly. Forget that night, and forget her. It never happened. Understood? Geez. Just a little heavy-handed.

Jax tells Charlotte, he doesn’t see Josslyn as much as he’d like, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s his daughter, or how much he loves her. There are no words to describe how much he loves her. He can guarantee Charlotte’s dad feels the same way. Charlotte asks, how? and he says, dads get a special handbook when their daughters are born, and it tells them that daughters are magical, mysterious creatures with special powers over their dads. Charlotte says, that’s not true, but he says she’ll see. Valentin comes in, and Charlotte runs to him. Jax tells Nina, call if she needs anything. Nina tells Valentin that Charlotte is afraid he doesn’t want her anymore. Valentin asks why she thinks that, and Charlotte says he doesn’t love her anymore.

Sonny tells Cyrus, he can live in Port Charles, but has to conduct his business elsewhere. He doesn’t move anything through Sonny’s territory, and doesn’t touch Sonny or his associates. Cyrus says Sonny has a large territory. That kind of deference could be expensive. Sonny says that’s not his problem, and Cyrus says, fine. Sonny has a deal. He holds out his hand, and after a beat, Sonny shakes it. Everyone gives soap opera looks at each other.

Lulu says, anything? and Laura says, Charlotte isn’t in the backyard. Lulu says she called Charlotte’s friends; where could she be? Laura says she’ll drive around the neighborhood, and Lulu says she’ll head to town. Maybe Charlotte went to Kelly’s. Nina calls, and Lulu says, it’s not a good time. Nina says, Charlotte is there at Crimson, and Lulu tells Laura, Charlotte is with Nina. Lulu asks if Charlotte is okay, and Nina says, physically, she’s fine, but she’s upset. Her father is with her. Lulu asks Nina to please keep her there; she’s on her way. She tells Laura, she has to go, and Laura asks her to tell Charlotte that she loves her.

Valentin kneels down, and asks Charlotte to listen. He loves her. How could she think he doesn’t? She says she heard her mom and grandma talking. They said he wanted to leave her. He says he could never ever want to leave her, but he doesn’t want her to make the same mistakes he did. He needs her to know the difference between right and wrong. She says she can’t learn without him. If he loves her, take her somewhere where they can be together. She knows he’s leaving. Please take her wherever he’s going. He leans his head on her, and she hugs him.

Jax sees Alexis, and she says, hey, stranger. He says it’s been too long since he’s reached out, and she says, her too. He says they have to change that. He needs her level head, and she says, it’s funny that he thinks she’s level-headed. What’s the problem? He says he left Valentin alone with Nina and Charlotte. He’s hoping it’s not a mistake. She says Valentin was there when he got a phone call, and ran off. Everything okay? He says, something is going on. He wishes he knew what it was. Charlotte was afraid Valentin was going to leave her. She says, apparently, he made a decision about his future. His life as he knew it was knocked off course, and he wants to do right by Charlotte, even if he has to suffer.

Chase says, Finn doesn’t believe him? Finn says he laid it on thicker than hot fudge at a sundae bar. Chase says he’s stubborn and a pain in the ass, and Finn says, sounds like him, but nothing Chase is saying sounds remotely like him. Chase says, if he tells Finn, promise him it will stay between them. Finn says, absolutely, as long as it’s the truth. Chase says Finn is right. He didn’t cheat on Willow. He needed her to think he did so she’d marry Michael.

Kristina says, Molly can’t leave until she tells Kristina what she’s decided to do. Molly says she’s not asking permission. It’s something she needs to do for herself. She needs to be completely honest, and tell TJ everything.

Brando tells Sam, he didn’t even know Molly had a boyfriend until afterward; not that it’s any of her business. She says he made it her business when he slept with her sister. My Lord. I’m glad my sister isn’t up my rear end like this. Brando says she’s a big girl, and they didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do. She asks what he wants, and he says, to run his garage, if she’ll let him. She says, if he tries to make trouble for Molly, he’ll be in a world of trouble with her.

Cyrus and Not-Jason go into the MetroCourt. Cyrus says, it’s nice to end the day in a place where he was unceremoniously expelled. A place he doesn’t need any permission to be. It was too easy. Sonny thinks he’ll lower his guard, and go in for the kill. Unfortunately, he doesn’t play by Sonny’s rules. Not-Jason asks where Cyrus is going to start, and Cyrus says, by getting rid of Jason.

Jason tells Sonny, Cyrus and his bodyguard are at the MetroCourt. Sonny says, he doesn’t waste time, and Jason wonders, why let him? Sonny says, it seems all cozy and soft. He’ll let Cyrus play house, and when Cyrus starts looking at Sonny out of the corner of his eye, it will be time for him to take Cyrus out.

Tomorrow, TJ walks in on Kristina and Molly talking, Nina tells Lulu to give Valentin a chance, Finn tells Chase to fix this, and Nelle wants to apologize to Willow.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi comes home, and tells Beau that she’s sorry. She’s an a-hole. She shouldn’t have gotten mad at him. It was misdirected anger. In Stassi’s interview, she says she left the wine party by herself. Lala was calling and Katie was texting, telling her that she was being ridiculous. When she got home, she realized she was the a-hole. She shows Beau some boxes of mac and cheese, and says it’s the only thing she can’t screw up. In Beau’s interview, he says he could have avoided last night’s fight if he’d told Stassi that he was proposing, but it would have ruined everything he’s been planning for the last six or seven months. He wants everything to be perfect. She asks if he still wants to go mausoleum shopping; it will be fun. He says, of course, and she says she thought he might cancel. That’s why she made the mac and cheese. She tells him, it’s death time.

At SUR, Danica shows Peter some socks she’s gotten for the softball game. She’s excited. In her interview, she says, not only will they get sweet, sweet bragging rights, but she can put Max in his place. We flash back to when he kicked her out of TomTom.

Tom pretends to use the hand-held vacuum cleaner as a laser sword. Schwartz comes by, and says he doesn’t want them to get furniture. Ariana says she’s thinking of having yoga classes at the house. Tom tells Schwartz that James is coming over to play with them. Ariana says, the big game is tomorrow. She’s playing, but she’ll be bad. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s playing for TomTom, even though she works at SUR. She’s competitive, and Tom doesn’t want her to be on the other team. James arrives, and tells them, Raquel is playing for SUR. It’s on now. In his interview, he says he’s from London. They don’t play softball, and the closest thing they have must be cricket, but if Tom can play, he’s sure he can. They go in the backyard, and James tells them he’s been sober for nearly a month; 28 days. When he does a show, and comes off the stage, he feels all of it. In Tom’s interview, he says, James thought he had to be drunk to be James Kennedy. Now he’s a better version of himself. They practice some ball.

Beau drives to the Hollywood Cemetery. In Stassi’s interview, she says if they buy a mausoleum, Beau has to propose. It’s a gorgeous place, with a lake that has swans, and Stassi tells him, this is where they’re going to be buried. In her interview, she says it’s the perfect way to ensure Beau is committing to a lifetime and afterlifetime. Till death do us not part. She says she loves the vintage writing, and he tells her, that’s Latin. She says he’ll be glad if she dies tomorrow. He’ll be free to mourn, and live out his lonely life for the rest of his life, since he’s not going to date. In Beau’s interview, he says Stassi is in her element, and he’s terrified. His best friend Rob put the ring there. He can’t see Rob or the ring, and he’s panicking, worrying that it might have gotten stolen. It’s the beginning of their life together, and he wants to impress her. They sit on a bench, and he asks what that is on  the ground. Stassi wonders if it’s a bell for dead people, and Beau picks it up. He looks inside, but Stassi doesn’t think he should touch it.

He says he loves her so much. She literally turned his world upside down, in the best way possible. There’s nobody else he’d want to spend the rest of his life with. He asks her to marry him, and in between oh-my-Gods, she says, yes. He puts the ring on her, and they kiss. She says, we’re engaged, MF’ers. She says he told her that they wouldn’t be getting married this year, and he says she was supposed to be surprised. It’s what you’re supposed to do. He explains that the ring is a family heirloom, and she says she feels like a part of history; it’s perfect for her. In Beau’s interview, he says they’ve grown a lot as a couple. We flash back to some of their moments, and he says, there have been bad times, but that’s behind them. He’s excited thinking about the future. We flash back to Stassi telling him that she loves him more than ranch dressing. He says, now that they’re fiancés, he wonders if Stassi will get upset if he slips and calls her his girlfriend. He tells her, Lisa offered her home for a party, and she’s going to cook. Katie and Schwartz helped with the whole thing. She says that’s probably why Katie was torturing her. She calls Katie, who screams into the phone when she answers. Lala is there, and says she’s freaking TF out. They tell Stassi how hard it was to keep it from her. Stassi tells Katie, she so mean, and she was wondering why. Katie jokes that she was okay with being mean, and Stassi says she’s so happy, she can’t think straight. Everyone is thrilled. Beau tells Stassi, fiancé sounds bougie, and she says she feels bougie. Everyone is going to be jelly. It’s the best day of her life.

Lisa puts the finishing touches on the party. She tells Ken that she needs him to get ready too. Puffy! Lala and Katie get to Villa Rosa first, and Lala says she thinks it’s better than Christmas. Lisa asks if Lala is wearing anything underneath her dress, and Lala moons her in response. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Villa Rosa is not clothing optional. For the most part, when employees are at her house, she likes them to be fully dressed. News of the engagement spreads like wildfire through the restaurants, and Katie says she texted everyone after Beau proposed. In her interview, Katie says, after Beau proposed, she sent everyone a text to come to the party. Lisa asks about Kristen, and Katie explains what happened with Beau the night before. Lisa asks if Stassi would be upset if Kristen came to the party, and Katie says she would. She needs a break. Lisa says she feels sympathy toward Kristen, which isn’t her normal stance, but she introduced Stassi to Beau. Lala says she was hoping to call Kristen, and handle it. At some point, Kristen needs to look in the mirror, and ask herself what she’s doing.

Kristen teaches her dogs the stay command. They do a million times better than mine. In Kristen’s interview, she says she and Stassi used to tell each other everything, and to find out Stassi is engaged on social media sucks. Where there’s an engagement, there’s an engagement party, and there’s a pretty good chance she’s not invited. Lala calls, and Kristen says she already knows Stassi is engaged, already knows there’s a party, and already knows she’s not welcome at the party. She hopes they have fun. Lala says she knows Kristen was fully coming. Lisa knew, but then things went south last night. Kristen says just because she asked Beau if they were still friends? and Lala says, it’s a weird question. A thirty-six year old doesn’t ask if we’re still friends. He’s Stassi’s fiancé. Kristen asks if this is why Lala called, and Lala says she called to check in with Kristen, but she brought it up. Lala tells her, have a good night. After she hangs up, Lala says, so annoying.

Stassi calls her dad from the car, and says she’s engaged. He says, to who? Beau says they’ll come to New Orleans to see him soon. He asks Stassi if he should call her dad pop now. He asks if Kristen texted, but Stassi says, no. He thinks she was definitely trying to see if she should come to the party . Stassi gets it, but doesn’t want to share this moment with Kristen. In Stassi’s interview, she says she wants to celebrate this incredible day with the people she loves, who don’t stress her out. Beau says he got a text from Carter, and Stassi tells him to send it. She reads, don’t forget to thank Kristen. She made it happen, and now he and Stassi treat her like sh*t. It’s some cold-blooded sh*t. Stassi says, so her first order of business should be to text Kristen. This is why she doesn’t like them.

Everyone trickles in to the party. Literally everyone, except for Kristen. Ariana tells Schwartz, she didn’t eat all day because she was so excited about the dinner he was preparing. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, in order to make sure everyone was available, and without spoiling the surprise, he had to come up with a diversion. We see a clip of him telling Tom and Ariana about a seven-course dinner that he’s making, to stimulate the senses. Ariana says, it’s not happening, is it? Tom says he’s never trusting Schwartz again. He said they were getting individual iron skillets. Schwartz says he doesn’t know why he was so specific; it was unnecessary. In Lisa’s interview, Lisa says Stassi now knows about the party, but she doesn’t know her family is surprising her. She has Mark, Dana, Nikolai, and some others hide. Stassi and Beau arrive, and Stassi shows Lisa the ring. Lisa says, it’s beautiful. Beau did a good job; better than she could imagine. Lisa knows it’s a lot to take in. She tells Stassi, the big surprise is about to get better, and her family comes out. In Stassi’s interview, she says to see her whole family there, she’s shook. Her dad lives in New Orleans, and her mom lives in Arrowhead. It’s rare to have her whole family together at once. It couldn’t be more special. Beau says, no more lies; that’s it. Stassi cries, while hugging everyone. In Katie’s interview, she says, Stassi looks so happy; it’s so incredible. But she thought, where’s Stassi’s other outfit? She told her to wear something else; her ghost outfit. The favorite dress you want to wear as a ghost. Ooh, I like that idea. She tells Stassi that she had anxiety about the ring bouncing around. Lisa asks, who’s hungry? and tells them to sit for dinner. She leads Stassi to the head of the table – Puffy! – and says she doesn’t know how this happened; her waiting on Stassi. It’s a one-time thing. The service Stassi should have given the customers over the years. In Brittany’s interview, she says Jax put together a beautiful party after their engagement. A surprise at her apartment was cool and all, but if he’d had the party at Villa Rosa, she would have been fine with that. Stassi feels like it’s sci/fi; everything is coming over her. Lisa tells her, don’t turn into a bridezilla.

Lisa tells Stassi and Beau to love each other, and treat each other with the utmost respect. It’s worth it. Ariana tells Tom, she’s sitting next to Kristen’s empty seat. It’s like the ghost of Kristen is haunting the dinner table. In her interview, she says she can feel Kristen’s energy. She can’t hear, and she’s complaining about her tiny ear drums. It’s hard not to miss her. Jax feels like Carter sent the text to get brownie points with Kristen. In his interview, he says he sees through that bullsh*t. Scheana asks Nikolai what he thinks of Beau, and Nikolai says he’s good for Stassi. Scheana says she can’t believe how much he’s grown, and starts to creep me out. She asks if he has a girlfriend, but he says, no. She says, what about when he gets to high school? and he says, probably. In Scheana’s interview, she says, twenty-one is the youngest she’ll hook up with. She doesn’t want to date any younger. Please don’t tell me the thought was even in her head. Consider me officially creeped out. He’s like fifteen. Beau and Stassi stroll the grounds, and Beau points out the lemon trees, and the swans. Stassi says it’s the happiest day of her life, and he says, his too. She says they have so much to look forward to. This will be theirs one day. In her interview, Stassi says it makes her gag when she hears it, but she truly is the luckiest girl in the world. She’s so happy. She thanks Beau.

Brett goes out for his break. The girls are outside, and Charli says she’s never had the pasta there. Dayna says, don’t; it’s a slippery slope. Charli says she barely tried the spaghetti at Olive Garden. I have news for her, Olive Garden and SUR are worlds apart. Brett comes out, and Raquel and Charli get up. He asks if he smells, and Raquel says if he’s on break, that means they have to go back. When they’re alone, Dayna tells him that she wishes she’d met him before she met Max. Max is a kid, and she and Brett have deep conversations. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Brett is an effing man. When Max would hug her, she felt like she might break his arms. She says Max will always need something new and shiny. She would have been in his rear view in five minutes. He’s going to run out of women to date, since he’s been overfishing. In Brett’s interview, he says Dayna wants commitment, and Max is scratching the surface of being a sex addict. He tells Dayna, he’s hitting a home run tomorrow.

Stassi wonders if the dogs know she and Beau are engaged. She tells him that she was thinking about a small, intimate, romantic wedding in Italy. He can’t believe she’s already thinking about it, and she says, Italy is romantic and fun, the food is great, and she loves the people and the atmosphere. She loves everything about it. He asks if she doesn’t want to enjoy this part, and she says, part of enjoying this part is the planning. In her interview, she says once she got the ring, she turned into a terrorist. The world is her effing oyster because of this. She shows us the ring. She tells Beau that he doesn’t have to help her plan it. She doesn’t want him to worry his pretty head. He asks who is she? and she says she’s a bride demon. It’s going to be exciting.

Jax brings his lawn mower to Kristen’s house. In his interview, he says he enjoys cutting the grass. It’s therapeutic. He cuts his own grass, his neighbor’s grass, the grass of people who don’t know who he is. It reminds him of his dad showing him how to do it. Brittany tells Kristen, Jax brought the lawn mower, the weed whacker, and the leaf blower. He informs us that Kristen has Kentucky bluegrass. Brittany asks if Kristen is okay about yesterday, and Kristen says, no. She didn’t want to see anyone. Carter picked up the dogs. She doesn’t want them to be around her when she’s sad. In Kristen’s interview, she says they’re her emotional support animals, but she thinks it bums them out if she’s not playing with them, and just in bed crying. She tells Brittany, she wishes someone had called her first. Lala went off on her, and she was crying, and called Carter. Brittany tells her that Carter texted Beau. Jax comes in, and Brittany tells him to read the text. In her interview, Kristen says, Carter is the one person to stand up for her. She swooned a little bit (what? who says that?), but the timing is a bit poor. Brittany says it’s not Kristen’s fault, but Kristen says it will end up being her fault like everything else. Does she ever watch herself on this show?

The SUR and TomTom teams warm up on the ballfield. Katie tells Schwartz, she doesn’t enjoy softball. She doesn’t like balls flying at her. In her interview, Katie says, she’s being a good wife. This is what you do when you’re married; play softball. In Tom’s interview, he says, team TomTom is ready. He’s the most experienced captain, they have the most experienced players, and DJ James Kennedy. He feels good about their chances. He chose black for their uniforms, because it hides dirt, it’s slimming, and looks good. SUR chose it for the same reasons. In Danica’s interview, she says, they’re taking TomTom TF down. She and Brett are team captains, and SUR is super athletic. They’re not cleaning TomTom’s damn bathroom. Lisa says, let’s get the game started. They’re playing nice, right? They say, no, and in Lisa’s interview, she says she’s on board with team building exercises. Not so much their extracurricular activities. If they hit a home run, let them do it on the field rather than the bedroom.

In her interview, Scheana says she’s been playing baseball since she was seven, and continued through high school. Her great aunt Shirley was in the Rockford Peaches, the team that A League of Their Own was based on. And she can pitch with these nails just fine. James sits next to Katie, and says he was surprised he was invited. She says, her too, and he says he hasn’t been drinking for a month. He’s been going to meetings, and working to change his attitude on life. Part of that is how he’s treating people, and how disgusting he was. In James’s interview, he says, the steps are part of his sobriety, and making amends to people he’s wronged. Katie is pretty high on the list. We flash back to several examples of that. She asks if this is the last apology, and he says, it really is. She says she appreciates it. In Katie’s interview, she says, she’s not cold-blooded. She feels he’s spent time thinking about the things he’s said and done, so she accepts it. She tells him that she’s proud of him.

In Charli’s interview, she says she played softball through high school, and she’s competitive. Probably because she didn’t have a dad. Just kidding. Hmm… that’s actually not all that funny, and makes me wonder about her. Brett says he’s going to make Lisa proud, and she says he doesn’t need to impress her. Brittany laughs about Katie eating sunflower seeds and drinking soda out on the field. Jax calls Tom a big baby, and in his interview, says, there’s no way Tom knows enough about softball to be the rules police. If he wanted bronzer for his calves, Tom would be the one to ask, but he doesn’t know anything about softball. He yells that he wouldn’t trade Raquel for Tom. No offense. Raquel says he hasn’t even seen her play. In her interview, Raquel says, you don’t know what competitive means until you’re in the pageant circuit.

Raquel gets a home run, and Tom says they can still make a comeback. SUR wins, and they chant, clean our bathroom. In Tom’s interview, he says, it’s going to suck cleaning their toilet. Schwartz says the joke’s on them. He likes cleaning bathrooms.

Next time, Brett feels violated after being in Scheana’s music video, Jax tells Kristen that she’s angry all the time, Kristen says Jax is delusional, and Brittany doesn’t want Jax circling back to his old ways.

😳 I’m Not Alone…

Apparently, Scheana creeped out a few people.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian visits Lushion’s office, and says they have to talk. The DA came to see Larry. She said Carl called, and claimed he had information that could exonerate Kelly. Lushion asks if that isn’t what he’s supposed to do, and Ian says, Larry needs to know exactly what it is, but Carl isn’t answering his phone. Lushion asks what the problem is with Carl doing what he’s supposed to. Ian says, if he brags, it could be bad for Kelly. He’ll check the courthouse. He tells Lushion, if he finds Carl, let him know. Lushion says he has to talk to Ian about something else, but now isn’t the right time. Ian says, now he’s curious, and Lushion says, Ian and Alex. Ian says, what about them?

Ian doesn’t know what Lushion is talking about. He starts to leave, but comes back. He asks why Lushion was asking about him and Alex. Did she talk to him? Lushion looks at the floor. Ian asks if she filed a complaint, and says he knew it. He swears it was consensual sex; she’s way off her rocker. Lushion has to believe him. He asks if she’s saying he raped her, and Lushion says, just tell him what happened. Ian says Alex came over and got drunk. The next morning, she said he took advantage of her, and drugged her. Lushion says, did he? and Ian says, no. She finally remembered that she came on to him. Lushion has to believe him. Lushion says he does, and Ian asks if he’s getting arrested. Lushion says, no. Alex didn’t come in there. Ian asks why he said all this, and Lushion says Ian volunteered the information. Ian says, that’s low down, and Lushion says, Ian does it every day in court. If Ian thinks she might press charges, they should talk about it. He’s the only one who’s got Ian; he saw him having sex on the stairs with Alex through the window. She was fully engaged, and didn’t look out of it. Ian thanks Lushion, and suggests he talk to Alex, but Lushion says she has to come to him. Relax. Go find Carl. Ian thanks Lushion again, and leaves.

Marcie tells Brad, it might not be the worst thing. This way, he can raise his kids. He says she can’t be serious. There’s no way Alex would walk out on the kids. Marcie says he didn’t think she was this person either. He needs to talk to a lawyer immediately. She knows he can get custody with her acting like this. He’ll have to call Larry. He’s a weirdo, but he’s a good lawyer. He asks if Ian isn’t her boyfriend, and she says, apparently, he’s Alex’s. She says she can stay there, and have someone else show the house, but he says, that’s okay. He’ll stay with the baby. She says, it’s been a lot. He didn’t know who the father was, and had thought it was his kid. He says that won’t stop him from helping an innocent baby, and she says that’s why she loves him. He’s a good man. He says he loves her too. Go to work; sell the house. She leaves, and he sits back. The baby cries.

As Marcie crosses the street to her car, Randal says, hey there. She says, damn. He needs a job. He asks if she’s living there with Brad, and calls her a slut. She says, that would be his mistress. Did he see what was online? How does it make him feel? He says, glad he’s not with Marcie, and she says she’s got a wedding to plan. He laughs, and she says, it’s happening. He promises she’ll never walk down the aisle. She asks if that’s a threat, and he says she knows it is. She says he doesn’t scare her, but he says he thinks he does. She slaps his forehead, and asks if she looks scared. He says, they’re assaulting each other? and she says, please do. He says he’s got her, and she says, not anymore. Brad’s got her now. Come on. Hit her, so she can scream Brad’s name, like she does every night. It’s too much for him to handle. He says he’s way better at this than she is, and she says she’s going to have a baby; the one he thought was his. Wouldn’t it be funny if she and Brad raised the baby together? That crazy bitch left. She said Brad could have the kids. He laughs, and she asks if he thinks it’s funny. He says, very funny. See how crazy he made her ass? He says he’ll see her soon, and she says, every day she’ll be there. She drives away.

Dr. Raston says she wasn’t expecting to see Alex. Is she okay? Alex says, no and yes, and the doctor asks, what’s going on? Alex says she needs to get birth control pills, and she wants to schedule a tubal ligation. Dr. Raston says, she’s done with kids? and Alex says, yeah; all of them. She left Brad, and she’s giving him the kids. The doctor asks, what about the baby? and Alex says, him too. Dr. Raston asks if she’s been drinking, and Alex says, everything she can get her hands on. The doctor asks if they can talk, and Alex says, about birth control? The doctor says, first, why does Alex need them? Alex says, so she can live her life, and be free in the moment. Dr. Raston says, they won’t protect her from HIV or STDs, but Alex says she can get condoms. Dr. Raston tells her to slow down; she’s worried. Alex says she’s fine. Give her what she needs, and she can go. The doctor tells her, wait there.

In the hallway, Dr. Raston calls Brad. She asks if everything is okay; Alex is there. She knows things are difficult, but Alex isn’t herself. He says, that’s who Alex is. Did Alex tells her that she’s been online, dating lots of different men? The doctor says she didn’t know that, and he says the Alex in front of her is the real Alex. He’s been dealing with a liar and an imposter for some time, and doesn’t want to deal with it right now. The doctor apologizes, and goes back into the examining room. She gives Alex a sample card of pills from the case, and Alex says, if they were there the whole time, why did she have to leave? Did she need to call Brad? Dr. Raston says she’s concerned, but Alex says she shouldn’t be. He doesn’t care anyway. The doctor asks if she can call Alex, and Alex says she can try.

Alex sees two guys coming into the waiting room, one supporting the other. She asks, what happened? and the limping guy says he was in a fight with a bull. He got roughed up. She says it sounds like the place she wants to be, and he tells her to go to the cowboy bar on Highway 65. She says, maybe she’ll go there right now, and he says when he gets patched up, he can bring her. She says, how about if she meets him there? He looks good in those jeans. He’s her kind of man. He asks, what kind is that? and she says, a man.

Ian goes into Larry’s office, and Larry asks if he found Carl. Ian says, not yet, and Larry says, Carl is a public defender; it’s not that hard. Ian says he’s on it, and asks, what’s going on? Larry says he’s hearing things about the Cain case. If he’s not mistaken, Ian was helping Kelly before. Ian says his loyalty is to the firm. Is Larry questioning that? Is he questioning Ian’s integrity? Larry says, Ian is a lawyer. He has no integrity. He hopes he doesn’t find out Ian is lying. Ian asks if Larry is threatening him, and Larry says he is. That’s all for now.

Alex goes to the cowboy bar, where apparently, they serve drinks in Solo cups. She tells the bartender that she’s divorced, and needs another drink. He asks if she wants his special. It’s called, I just got divorced. She asks if he wants to do a shot with her, and he says he’s working. She says, come on, and he says he guesses the boss won’t mind too much. She tells him, make her two. Tiny Solo cups! I’ve never seen those before. They do the shots, and she gives him a credit card, telling him put everything on there. It’s her ex-husband’s; he doesn’t know she has it. He says, how about champagne? and she says, okay. Champagne for everybody. He says, there are only about nine people, but hey, and she says, champagne and a round of drinks. She asks if the mechanical bull works; she wants to ride It. He asks if she knows how, and she says, sure. He asks if she likes riding, and she says she loves it. Stop flirting with her. He says he’s not, and she says he is cute. He thanks her, and she says she has a friend she thinks he’s going to like; a gorgeous Latin girl, Esperanza. She’s going to call her. Maybe they can ride the bull together, but first, shots.

Randal sits all pissed off, looking at his phone and his laptop. He closes the laptop, and says, you think you’re slick. Got you, bitch. He makes a call.

The bartender asks Alex what they’re cheersing to, and she says her divorce. They do a shot, and her phone rings. She laughs, and says, perfect timing. Randal says she was a whore online, screwing all these guys. She says, they swiped right, or left. Whatever; they swiped. He asks if she’s drunk, and she says, yep. She says they need to talk, and he asks, what’s wrong with her? She tells him that he needs to get a sling; it’s going to help him a lot. He says she’s drunk as hell. What is she talking about? She says she’s just trying to help, so he won’t be so curved. His little member is like a little banana. It’s not that fun, to be honest. I nearly die laughing. She doesn’t understand. Is that normal? She asks the bartender if he’s curved, and he says he’s whatever she wants him to be. She tells Randal, in all seriousness, they need to talk. She never loved him. He tells her, that’s not what she said in the shed. She says, the shed. That was just for fun, like the others. He asks, how many? and she says, a lot. He asks where she is, and she says, at the cowboy bar. It’s so fun. He tells her, stay there; he’s coming down. She says, good. Bring his wallet. She just had a brilliant idea. Invent a curved condom. He’d make so much money. He says he’ll see her later, and she calls Esperanza.

Alex asks where Esperanza is, and Esperanza says, at work. Alex says, guess where she is? and Esperanza says she doesn’t know, but it’s loud. Alex says she’s at the cowboy bar, and she’s going to ride a mechanical bull. Esperanza asks if she’s drunk, and why is she at a bar in the middle of the afternoon? Alex says she’s about to ride the bull like nobody’s business, and hangs up. Steven asks, what’s up? and Esperanza says, Alex. She’s at a bar, drunk. Steven says, in the middle of the day? It’s a little strange. Esperanza asks if Eddie is out, and he says, yeah, but it’s okay. He’s there. She calls Natalie.

Natalie is sweeping up at the burger place. Esperanza asks if she’s talked to Alex, but she says, no. Esperanza says, Alex called her, drunk at a bar. Natalie says, she’s going through it, girl. She signed the divorce papers. Esperanza says, that would explain a lot. She didn’t sound good. She’s going over there to check on Alex. Natalie says, pick her up, and she’ll go with her. Esperanza says she’ll see Steven later.

Kelly calls for Lushion from her cell. Steven comes by, and Kelly says, Eddie took her Bible. He doesn’t understand, and she tells him to get Lushion. Please. She needs him right now. He says, okay; relax. He’ll get Lushion. He tells Lushion, Kelly needs to talk to him. She’s yelling about Eddie stealing her Bible. Lushion jumps up, and goes to Kelly’s cell. Kelly is crying, and says Eddie took her bible. Lushion asks, how? and she says, he came into her cell. She sobs, and he tells her that he’ll take care of it. Man, I need a Lushion in my life.

Alex rides the bull, which isn’t exactly on high speed. Natalie and Esperanza come in, and Esperanza tells her, come down. She says, Johnny, a round of drinks, but Esperanza says, no drinks. They help Alex down, and she hugs them. She says she’s drunk, and Natalie says they know that. Alex says Johnny is giving her a job; she’s going to be a waitress. Natalie says, she needs a job? and Alex says, now that she’s divorced, she needs to be free. Natalie says, she can’t be too free. She’s got kids. Alex says, pfft! Brad will take care of the kids, and Esperanza says she’s just going to give Brad custody? Alex says, yeah, but Esperanza says she doesn’t mean that. Alex says she does, and Esperanza says they have to get her home. Alex says, her home is with him. Johnny smiles, and Alex says, he lives upstairs. She’s spent her whole life doing what everyone else wanted. Now it’s her turn. She’s had enough. Esperanza tells her, look at herself, and Alex says, she’s happy for once? Esperanza says she looks miserable, but Alex says she feels happy, and she’s not going anywhere. Esperanza says she has a family; she has to go back. Natalie says, divorce is hard. When she sobers up, she’ll see what she was thinking. Alex says, no she won’t, and Natalie says she has three kids who love and need her, but Alex says Brad is a better person and parent than she could be. He  never cheated; not once. He’s going raise them right. She doesn’t deserve them. Esperanza asks if this is about guilt, and Alex says, no. Natalie asks what it is then, and Alex asks if Natalie knows how many men she’s been with. More than Esperanza, and that’s a lot. Esperanza is like, hey, and Alex says, they all know. She’s not going back to that life. She’s going to stay there with the tall sexy cowboy. She’s going to get a job and live there, and be a waitress. Natalie says, they’re going, and Esperanza says, all right. She gives up. Natalie says Alex has their numbers. Alex says, at least ride the bull once. Fire this puppy up. Alex gets on the bull again, and Esperanza asks, what if she hurts herself? and Natalie says she can’t stay there forever. They head for the door, and Alex yells, yeehaw, bitches!

On the phone, Lushion tells Rick, he’ll see him at three. He goes into the locker room, and Eddie is there. Lushion asks where the Bible is, and Eddie says, what he calls contraband? Lushion says, dammit, Eddie, and Eddie says, watch out. God is going to get him. He doesn’t know what Lushion is talking about. Lushion slams Eddie up against the lockers, and Eddie says, there’s the Lushion he knows. He says it’s in his locker, and Lushion says, get it. Eddie gives Lushion the Bible, and Lushion flips through it. No surprise, the photos are no longer there. Lushion asks where the pictures are, and Eddie says he flushed them. Does Lushion need them for something? Lushion says he’ll see Eddie back at the station. When he’s gone, Eddie makes a call, and asks for sugar britches. He gets silence, and says, sweet t*ts? The operator says, there’s no one here by that name, and he says, Larry. Put that little lady on the phone.

Larry’s secretary says, a very rude man is on the phone for him, and Larry says, what else is new? She tells him, he said his name was Eddie, and Larry says, it makes perfect sense. Put him through. He asks what he can do for Eddie, and Eddie says, get $200K from the good reverend. He has information about some women he might find interesting. Larry doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have this conversation on the phone, and Eddie says he’ll come there. Larry says, make his day, and Eddie says he’d better have the money. Larry says Eddie will have to show what he has first, and Eddie says he’s on his way. Larry tells him, wear something low cut and tight. He’ll see Eddie soon. Eddie hangs up, and says, freaky mother better have my money.

Brad calls babysitter Chelsea, and leaves a message. He thanks her for staying late, and apologizes. He says he was wondering if she’s free this afternoon around three, and to call him back. He looks in the crib and says, the baby is sleeping; good. He has no idea all this craziness is around him. He touches the baby, and says, he’s not breathing. He leans in, and says, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Next time, Brad tells Natalie and Esperanza, the baby isn’t breathing; Eddie brings the pictures to Larry; Kelly feels like a caged animal; Randal shows up at the cowboy bar, and Johnny draws a gun on him.

🤸🏻‍♀️  Hanging In(side)…

Another long night under my belt, and another day of self-isolation under (almost) everyone’s belt. An expanding belt if we all don’t lay off those cookies/pies/mashed potatoes/whatever your comfort food is. I hope you’ve been using the time wisely, like binge watching the early seasons of Below Deck or learning how to make the perfect Pinterest fail. While not much changed for me, I’ll be glad to see paper towels again. Stay safe, stay chill, and if you see something, say something. Oh, wait. Wrong crisis.

April 27, 2020 – Molly Spills the Brando, a Proposal Fail, Soap Tease, Self-Isolated Soaps, Reunions, Oh Brad, Peach Shade, Kelly’s Comment, Moms Return & the Right One


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Brando says, Sam and Kristina are Molly’s sisters? and she says, same mom, different dads. She asks if he told them that they slept together, and he says he has his faults, but he doesn’t blab about his personal life. She apologizes for snapping, but… He says, it’s awkward. She says, a little bit. He asks how her boyfriend is, and she says, better. The whole time, when she thought he’d dumped her, he’d been abducted, and was tied up in a basement. He says he’s sorry, and asks if they know who or why. She says, the police are still investigating, but at least he’s back now. He says she must be relieved, and she says, relieved, terrified, remorseful. She loves him, and should have believed in him. None of it is Brando’s fault. She completely misrepresented herself and her situation. He says, it’s okay. What happened between them will stay between them. Sam comes out, and says she saw them through the window. Do they know each other? We flash back to Molly kissing Brando, and Brando says he did some work on Molly’s car. It’s ready for pick-up. She thanks him, and he leaves.

Mac tells TJ, start at the beginning. What does he remember before the abduction? TJ says he was upset about something personal, and figured he’d walk it off; clear his head. Mac asks if he remembers where he was, but TJ isn’t sure. He heard a car behind him as he was about to reach the corner of Elm and 10th. Mac says, it’s deserted there at night, and TJ says, the next thing he knew, some guys jumped him. They wrestled him to the sidewalk, and put a sack over his head. Mac asks, how many? and TJ says, two. He was trying to fight back, but one tied his hands, and they both beat him up. He thinks he blacked out. The next thing he remembers is being in the back of the car… a van. He remembers a sense of room. Mac asks if it’s the same van that dropped him off, and he nods. He says, the muffler was loud, and woke him up. He thought he might be concussed, and better stay awake. Mac asks if there was anything distinct about the ride, and TJ says he was trying to pay attention so he wouldn’t pass out. After a few turns, the van stopped, and he heard a train horn. Mac says, Dockerty is the closest street to a train crossing. How long before TJ got to the basement? TJ says, thirty or forty minutes. It was a straight shot. The van opened up, but he was chloroformed before he could identify anyone. He came to in the basement. Mac asks if he remembers any sounds or smells, and TJ says he remembers both.

Neil says, it’s been an insane couple of weeks, and Alexis asks what the odds are that they’d be at the same opera, with Britt staying in the same hotel, on the same floor, spying on them. Neil says, and Alexis telling her ex. Alexis says she can’t believe Julian felt he could just attack Neil like a feral Neanderthal. Then he announced they’d slept together to the hospital. She didn’t like it, but it’s not why she drank. Neil says, maybe Sam’s words wouldn’t have been so hurtful if it hadn’t happened, and she asks if he’s angry. She says he sounds angry, and he says that’s because he is. She asks at her or him? and he says, both.

Cyrus tells Lulu, her mother was so worried about his safety, she insisted he return to Seattle. When he insisted he was going to make this wonderful community his home, she said if he were killed, she would make sure the perpetrators came to justice. Lulu says her mother cares about all of her constituents, no matter who they are, and he says he’s proud to call himself one of Port Charles’s newest citizens, and wants to prove it by benefiting the community. He’s starting by contributing to Laura’s reelection.

Sonny tells Carly, as long as Mike has good moments, can talk, smile, and eat food, it doesn’t feel right to talk about a DNR. Carly says having one in Mike’s chart is just a precaution. So the doctors don’t take heroic measures. He says, by heroic measures, she means, save his father’s life? Does she want to let Mike die? She asks if Sonny wants Mike hooked up to machines with a tube down his throat? Does he think Mike would want to live that way? He says he has no time to deal with this; he has to deal with Cyrus. He tells Jason, the longer Cyrus sits, the more time he has to retaliate. Set up a meeting. The sooner he takes care of Cyrus, the sooner he can take care of his father. Jason says he’s on it, and leaves. Not one person so far has told Sonny, a DNR is even standard procedure for anyone who might undergo surgery, and not a personal affront.

Laura tells Cyrus, it’s a generous offer, but it’s not an election year for her. Cyrus assumes politicians accept campaign contributions, no matter what the year. She thinks he should use it for a cause, like freeing Port Charles from illegal drugs. They could use more rehabs, recovery houses, and social workers. Or why not a children’s after-school program, to keep the kids busy and off the streets? Cyrus thanks her, and says he’s going to do some research to see which organization can most benefit from his investment .We flash back to Cyrus telling Sonny that he wants 10% of everything that moves through Port Charles, and won’t sell locally. Sonny can keep that market. Sonny says he’s not interested, and Cyrus says he should be. Every day Sonny refuses to allow product to move, he weakens himself and it costs money, making someone like Cyrus rich enough to take him down. If you don’t change with the times, the times will destroy you. Laura tells Cyrus, she looks forward to hearing about his decision.

Neil tells Alexis, he had every intention of telling the board that they’d slept together. It would have cost him his license, but she would have been in the clear. She says she made the choice to protect him, rather than prostrating herself before his Draconian review board, and she’s had no consequences. He says, yet. If he’d told them, she could have appealed. She asks if it’s her fault, and he says, it’s both their faults. She asks, what’s going on; she’s confused. She wonders if this is controlling or narcissistic. Her phone dings, and she tells him, hold that thought. She just got an email from the New York Bar Association.

Kristina tells Molly that she’s happy TJ is back, and ask if there are any leads. Molly says, no, and TJ can’t remember much. They’re trying to figure out why it happened. Kristina asks if she thinks it could have something to do with TJ’s mom, and Molly says, maybe. Sam remembers telling Jordan that she knows it was Cyrus, and Jordan asking her to please not tell Molly any more. If Molly or TJ know everything, it will put them in more danger. Molly tells Kristina, it’s not like there was a ransom note. Sam says, the important thing is, TJ is going to make a full recovery, and Kristina says, the problem is, Molly turning down his proposal. Did they talk things out? Molly flashes back to TJ asking if she wants to spend the rest of her life with him, and her saying, of course (🍷). Domestic partner is genius. She’s thrilled he’s back safe, and he says he can’t wait to go home with her, put this behind them, and focus on the future. Molly tells Sam and Kristina, TJ had the perfect compromise. They’re going to apply to be domestic partners.

TJ tells Mac, it smelled damp, like it was near water, and there were people upstairs. Mac says, men or women? and TJ says, men. One of their ringtones was Old Kentucky Home. He knows the song because they play it at the Kentucky Derby. He and Molly like to watch and make their own bets. Mac asks if there’s anything else, and TJ says, the ringtone guy brought him smoothies. His phone rang once while he was with TJ. He never talked to TJ, but he answered the phone, and had a Southern accent. Mac asks, who was on the other end? and TJ says he told them to wait, and went upstairs. Mac asks if there was anything else that was distinct, besides the smell of water, and TJ says, there was a constant pounding, morning to night, like there was construction going on. Mac says, the only project he knows of is the new development where they’re putting up a new pier. TJ says, Kentucky guy sounded like he had taps on his shoes. Mac says, some people wear taps to keep their heels from wearing down, and TJ says he kept thinking the guy was a dancer moonlighting as a kidnapper. It was the kind of crazy thought that stopped him from wondering if he’d ever get home.

Kristina asks Molly how domestic partner is different from marriage, and Molly says there are essentially the same legal protections, but not the same negative connotations, such as the labels of husband and wife. Sam asks if Molly is sure this is what she wants, and she’s not just saying yes because she almost lost TJ. Molly says she didn’t expect him to bring it up so soon; she barely had time to process it. Sam asks if she felt like she had to say yes, but Molly says she didn’t. Sam says, so she said yes for all the right reasons? Molly says she thinks so, and Sam asks what that means.

Sonny asks Carly how the girls are, and she says Avery was missing him. She told Avery he was with Mike, and she asked when Mike was coming to visit. Carly said she wasn’t sure, and told her Mike liked Turning Woods, so they made a plan to color a picture for his room. Sonny thanks her for making it okay for Avery. He wishes he could make it okay for his dad. He flashes back to telling Mike that he’s going to be okay; Sonny isn’t going  anywhere. He remembers Mike asking, is it over? and thinks about Elizabeth telling him that while Mike’s memory is fading, his body is struggling to remember how to work. She asks if he’s thought about palliative care, and he says they’re not ready for end-of-life care, but she says, it’s more like an extra layer of support for both the patient and the family. It can be easily done at Turning Woods, and he’ll have a team of people experienced in Mike’s condition. She thinks it would be helpful for all of them. Sonny says, just when you think you have a handle on the disease, it gets worse. He flashes back to trying to feed Mike, and Mike not wanting to eat, then suddenly saying, smells like home, and taking a bite. Carly hugs Sonny.

TJ waits for the elevator, and Felix comes out. Felix tells him to get some rest, and TJ says, actually, he’s going to meet Molly and her sisters. After everything Molly has been through, he has an idea for a surprise. Oh yeah? How’d the last one work for you?

Curtis tells Jordan, when she went undercover at the DEA, she made a promise to do whatever was necessary to bring Cyrus down. She says she did it the wrong way, and he says, now she has a chance to do it the right way. She asks, how, when Cyrus can threaten TJ, and God knows who else? He says she got close to Cyrus; he trusted her. She said the reason Cyrus was in Port Charles was because she got in his head. Use that to get to him. Jordan flashes back to visiting Cyrus in Pentenville. Cyrus says, karma coming for Jordan looks like her watching as all she knows and loves burns to ashes, starting with the city that’s her adoptive home, the one she’s sworn to serve. Curtis tells her, get close. Find out Cyrus’s vulnerabilities, and we’ll figure out a way to use them to bring him down. She says, we? and he says she’s not doing this alone. There’s a knock at her office door, and Mac comes in. He says he spoke with TJ. He’s strong, and clear, and his memory is resurfacing. TJ gave him significant information, and he thinks they’re on their way to knowing who the kidnapper is.

Sam tells Molly, they know she loves TJ, and he loves her. Molly says he does, and she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. He’s her soulmate; the love of her life. Sam asks what the problem is, and Kristina seconds that. Molly says, when she thought TJ had dumped her, she slept with someone else.

Brando comes by Sonny’s, and tells Carly that Sonny was supposed to sign come paperwork. She says Sonny has been busy, but she’ll see if it’s on his desk. Brando says, the remodel is finished, and she asks what he thinks. He asks if it matters, and she says she’s not going to rip it out if he doesn’t like it, but she can always use fresh eyes and an objective opinion. He says, it’s cozy. He’s not sure it’s his style, but Sonny will love it. Carly says she was putting in some safety improvements, which is really important right now, and she just kept going. He tells her, great job. If he ever needs an imposing living room, he’ll call her. She finds the paperwork, and says he’s in luck. He says he has to keep his papers in order to stay in business, and she asks how it’s going. He says he’s had a few customers already. She might know one; Molly Lansing Davis. She says, that’s Sonny’s niece. Did he give her a discount? He flashes back to Molly kissing him, and thinks about Sonny telling him that he was always family; they just hadn’t met. Family takes care of family. Brando tells Carly, he will now. Molly seemed like a nice person. He tells her, congratulations on the remodel. He leaves, and Carly smiles at her work.

Lulu says she and Cyrus really should finish their interview. Cyrus asks if she doesn’t think the exchange between him and Laura will make for compelling reading, but Lulu says she decides what’s compelling reading; not him. He says he didn’t mean to offend her; he just hates for her mother to leave them. Although he’s sure their paths will cross again, and soon. Laura flashes back to Cyrus telling her that he appreciates her commitment to justice on his behalf, in the unfortunate event it’s necessary. She suggests he save her the work and his life, and leave Port Charles. He says it would look like he’s running, and he’d lose respect. Not only that of his peers, but hers too. She says he doesn’t have her respect, and never will. He says, they’ll see. He takes out his phone, and reads, meeting is back on. Pier 55. Now. Laura asks if everything is all right. I love how everyone always assumes a text is bad news.

Alone with Lulu, Laura asks what she thinks Cyrus meant when he said he’d see more of her. Is she paranoid? Is it just her? Lulu says, it’s not just her. It sounded like a threat. Laura wonders what to do about it, when Lulu’s phone rings. She says, it’s Diane. It must be about her custody petition. She answers, saying, any news? Is she sure? She tells Laura, Valentin isn’t contesting her petition. He’s basically agreed to give her full custody.

Neil asks Alexis what the bar wanted. She says his accreditation board reported her to the bar. The bar know she lied under oath, and they slept together. They want to see her immediately.

Kristina says it’s the last thing she expected, and Molly says, shocker; she’s not perfect. Kristina says, at the time, she thought TJ dumped her, but Molly says she should have known something was wrong, and that TJ wouldn’t just bail on her. Sam says, so who was he?

Brando works on his laptop in the garage, and hears someone come in. He asks if he can help them, and sees TJ. TJ says he hopes so. He’s there to pick up a car.

Sonny and Jason meet Cyrus and his dude that’s not Jason at the pier. Cyrus says he was disappointed that Sonny chose to cancel last night. Some would take it as a sign of disrespect. Sonny says he’s there now. Let’s get this over with.

Mac tells Jordan, he thinks TJ was being held where there’s new construction. Elm and 10th is where TJ said he was abducted, and there’s a bodega at the end of the block. Jordan says, speak to the owner, and see if there’s any security footage. Mac says she read his mind. He’ll report back as soon as he knows anything. He leaves, and Jordan asks Curtis what she’s going to do if it leads him closer to Cyrus. Curtis thinks the more important question is, what is Cyrus going to do? Jordan flashes back to telling Curtis that he doesn’t know what she’s capable of. It’s not murder; it’s justice. Curtis says he’s not letting her throw her life away on that scum. She remembers making a call on the burner phone, saying she knows she’s not supposed to call, and wouldn’t if it wasn’t important. She has to do something, and isn’t sure if she can go through with it. She needs to be told it’s okay.

Molly says, it was one night; she barely knows him. Sam asks if she picked him up, like in a bar, and Kristina says, this bar? Molly says, it’s not like that. She was fed up. She’d thought TJ dumped her without even the courtesy of a goodbye. She was thinking, the last ten years was a waste; a mistake. She was angry, and frustrated, and looking to vent. He was the first face she saw, they got to talking, and they clicked. Kristina says she has one thing to say … good for her. She probably thought she’d be spending the rest of her life with TJ, and not know who else was out there. Now she knows. Molly asks if Kristina thinks she sampled him like a freebie at the supermarket, and Sam asks if he was hot. Molly says she wants a change of subject, and Sam says she’s curious as to why Molly agreed to the domestic partnership. Kristina asks if she felt pressured because she slept with another guy. Molly asks if she’s going there, and Sam thinks Molly owes it to herself and TJ to figure out what she really wants.

TJ says, Brando repaired his partner’s car; Molly Lansing Davis. Brando flashes back to Molly telling him that her boyfriend was just brought into GH. She’d thought he dumped her, but he didn’t; he was kidnapped. Brando tells TJ, it was a hybrid, and she ran over a curb. TJ says he was hoping to pick it up, and surprise her, if the car is ready. Brando says, it was finished this morning. He looks for the invoice, and says he takes card, cash, or a check. TJ asks if Brando doesn’t want to check his ID.

Sonny tells Cyrus to get his man off of him, and not-Jason backs up. Cyrus says, no apology? He wonders how it would play out if the situation was reversed. Sonny says, if it was nothing personal, it would be no big deal. Cyrus says, it was about Sonny’s father, wasn’t it? and Sonny says they’re here to talk business. And he’s going to do the talking.

Back at her place, on the phone, Lulu says she wants a revision as soon as possible. She’ll believe it when she has the documents, and wants to move forward as soon as possible. She thanks Diane, and Laura says she told Abigail to go home, and Charlotte is listening to music with her ear buds. What did Diane say? Lulu says Diane told her there’s no reason to go back to family court. She said Valentin won’t fight her petition. Laura says, but she’s going anyway, and Lulu says she is. Laura says, Lulu doesn’t trust him, and Lulu says, does she? Laura flashes back to telling Valentin, she’d never heard him call his own parenting skills into question. He says he doesn’t want to overthink it, and asks her to promise to take care of his daughter, and instill conscience, generosity, and kindness in her. Laura says, of course (🍷) she will, and asks what he’s saying. He says if Lulu decides to go ahead with her petition, he’s not contesting it. Laura tells Lulu, normally, no, but in this case, she thinks Valentin is telling the truth.

Molly says she slept with another guy because she lost faith in TJ, and Kristina says she gets that part. Molly wonders why she was so quick to think the worst, and Sam says, TJ disappeared for several days. They had no idea he was kidnapped. Molly flashes back to Jordan telling her to stop acting like a child. She’s acting like a spoiled, entitled brat. TJ doesn’t want to see her. Grow up, and accept that her actions have consequences. She broke TJ’s heart, and he doesn’t want to be with her. Molly tells Sam and Kristina, she had the worst fight with TJ’s mom. Jordan said she’d rejected TJ, and he had every right to reject her. She was so mad, she thought TJ was breaking up with her through his mother, but of course (🍷) he’d never do that. She should have realized. Kristina says she was hurt and angry, and Molly says, it wasn’t the best time to be thinking clearly. She got in the car, and was driving distracted. She drove up on a curb, and did something to the undercarriage. She didn’t want to drive home and damage it more, but there was a garage not far away. It was already closed, but the mechanic let her in. She was speed talking, like she is now, but worse. He said it was fixable, and she asked if he could do the work. He went out of his way to avoid taking advantage of her. Kristina says, he sounds like nice guy, and Molly says, very. They just met him. Brando Corbin.

TJ asks if Brando doesn’t want to call Molly and double-check. Brando says his driver’s license is fine, and the address matches Molly’s. That’s good enough for him. He’ll just run the card, and TJ is good to go; the keys are in the car. TJ looks at the invoice, and says, hold on. There’s something wrong here.

Cyrus tells his dude, it’s okay. Sonny is right. His father’s condition is a family matter, and has nothing to do with their negotiations. Sonny says, Cyrus made his father part of the negotiations, when he tried to take Sony out in front of him. Cyrus says he was in Pentenville when the attempt was made on Sonny’s life. Sonny says it was the same day Cyrus tried to take out his son, and his place of business. His wife was almost killed. Cyrus says, yet here he is; a free man. Sonny says, that doesn’t mean he’s untouchable, or innocent… or safe.

Tomorrow, Molly knows what she has to do, Charlotte tells Nina to leave her alone, and Sonny tells Cyrus that he’s going to do the talking.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Time to watch Adam do what he does best. Be a d-bag.

Syvota, Greece. Primary Lyndi yaps about how much she loves Adam, and boyfriend Jesse tells her, lock it up. She says she’ll do the opposite of what he says. She’ll do what Adam says. Jesse asks if he means nothing, and she says she showed up for him when it was important. He tells her, if she wants someone else, tell him now. Guest Missy tells Jenna, she needs alcohol for this conversation. Jenna tells Madison, they’re breaking up. Jesse asks if Lyndi is still mad about Mother’s Day, and she says she is. We get no more insight as to what that means. Georgia flirts with Chris. In Chris’s interview, he believes if you have a connection with someone, you should act on it. Usually, the first three months is amazing, and then it deteriorates. Jenna pushes Chris to do them all a favor, and hook up with Georgia.

Missy says she and Lyndi will be together forever, and be buried together. The guests get up from dinner, and Lyndi wants to fine the galley. Ciara tells Adam, incoming. Lyndi asks if this is where the magic happens. In Adam’s interview, he thinks it’s funny that these women are hitting on him, and Jenna has to work for them. Well, they are drunk, and I doubt they’d look twice at him on land, and if he wasn’t cooking fabulous food for them. Jenna tells Jesse, the ladies went to galley. Adam thanks them for dropping in. Jesse drinks straight from a bottle of (I think) champagne, and Adam says, it was the most awkward thing ever.

Madison cleans up. In her interview, she says, without Parker, she’s not lonely, but alone. She has no one to eat granola and shoot the sh*t with, and misses a friendly face. In his interview, Chris says he creeps in and out of the cabin when he’s on anchor watch. He’s the ninja of night watch. He relieves Ciara, who says Paget will be there around 8 am. Glenn wants to move the boat, then do the music festival. Paget and Chris throw their native slang around.

A swarm of bees suddenly congregates around the breakfast table. On the breakfast really. Evelyne says she’s being attacked, and Lyndi says she’s excited about the avocado toast. Evelyne gets up, and edges away from the bees. In Jenna’s interview, she says they’re in the middle of the ocean. Where TF are bees coming from? It is pretty weird.

Adam and Jenna snuggle in the galley. Georgia flirts some more with Chris. In Madison’s interview, she asks, can we not be all coupled up? Jenna makes a call to order tiki torches, and material for flower crowns. In Chris’s interview, he says seeing Paget and Ciara, he knows how hard it is. He worked on Eric Clapton’s boat with his ex, Clair, and it was fine, but previously, when they both worked on deck, it was a nightmare. Paget tells Chris that Ciara works as hard as his mum, and Chris asks if Paget goes for women like his mum. Paget says, that came out a little weird. Jenna tells the guests that they’ll be having dessert on the beach.

It’s 14 knots, and Glenn decides to sail. Jenna asks Paget if he’s good with playing guitar tonight, and he and Georgia decide to rehearse. In Jenna’s interview, she says, Ciara has no reaction unless she’s hiding it. If it was her boyfriend, she doubts she could sit back and watch that happen.

Lyndi tells the other girls, it was a bad idea to go to the galley last night, and she thinks they embarrassed Adam. He’s hot, talented, and sweet. Jenna tells them that she and Adam are dating, and the girls squeal, telling her they’re adorable. Lyndi says, Jesse will be happy. Paget and Georgia practice, and in Georgia’s interview, she says, Paget is talented in singing and songwriting. She’s never had that in common with a guy. The more time you spend with someone, the more you like them, and that’s when more things slip through the cracks. It’s effing inconvenient. Anchor is dropped.

Georgia tells Jenna that flower crowns are going to be harder than olive branches. Jenna says no one has ever done anything special for her, and she’d probably cry if Adam gave her flowers. In Adam’s interview, he says it’s absurd to him that Jenna has never gotten flowers. He asks Paget to run him over to the beach. In his interview, Adam says he’s not usually romantic, but he wants to be a good boyfriend. He has no time to pull this off, but he’s going to make it happen. He runs onto the beach, immediately clonking his head on a low branch. Paget asks if he’s okay, and in his interview, Adam says he’s not sure which is more bruised; his ego or his face. He says he went full speed foraging for wildflowers. Paget says he looks like a mountain goat, and Adam says, there are slim pickings.

The guests take photos on deck. In Byron’s interview, he says, before this charter, he didn’t know what an influencer was. They can make enough to charter a yacht by posting photos? Sign him up. In Adam’s interview, he says he barely has time for a bathroom break, but he got the flowers. He puts them in water, hiding them, and tells Jenna he went to shore for garnishes. Adam makes dinner, and Madison and Chris set up on the beach, while Jenna is on dinner service. In Jenna’s interview, she says, the last barbecue Madison did was an effing disaster, but this time she’d love to see some initiative. She says she’ll check it beforehand.

Adam serves dinner. What the hell is a reduction anyway? Madison and Chris set everything up on the beach. In Madison’s interview, she says Jenna thinks she can’t do this, but she attended a lot of music festivals after her sister passed away. She’s got this. She tells Jenna, she thinks it looks cute, and Jenna heads out on the tender. She says, it’s nice to see a sandy beach for a change. She was nervous as to what Madison could pull off, but it looks beautiful. Little lights make everything look beautiful, and there are lots of those, along with some small fire pits. Chris sleeps, and Madison does laundry, while the girls get flower crowns at the beach. Georgia and Paget play guitar and sing. Jesse asks Missy if he’s crazy, and says he loves Lyndi. He’s not sure if she loves him though, and Missy says she does, and tells him that he’s sweet. When the song is finished, everyone applauds, but in her interview, Ciara rolls her eyes. Jesse tells Jenna that he wants to propose, but has no ring. She asks if he wants hers, and she struggles to get it off. In Jenna’s interview, she says, it’s super awkward. Twelve hours ago, Lyndi was flirting with Adam, and not interested in Jesse. She hopes this guy gets married. Jesse kneels in front of Lyndi, and gives her some roses. He tells her that he loves her, and shows her Jenna’s ring, saying, it’s just a symbol, and asks her to marry him. This would be a totally romantic thing, if there weren’t a dozen other people around, and if there hadn’t been this weirdness the night before.

Everyone waits, and Jesse kind of kisses Lyndi. She says she’s uncomfortable, and wants everyone to stop. Jenna says, this is awkward, and tells Paget and Georgia to play something. Lyndi and Jesse find a more private spot, and he says all he’s hearing is that she doesn’t want to be with him. She says she doesn’t know what she wants, and he says that means she knows what she doesn’t want. Adam hands out bananas foster. Lyndi says Jesse is sweet, but she doesn’t know if she wants to get married. Jesse gives her a piggyback ride back to the group. Evelyne says, congratulations! She loves them! Jesse says Lyndi didn’t say yes, squashing Evelyne’s hope for an Instagram story as her bridesmaid. Adam goes back to the boat, and Jenna radios Madison that she’s coming back with the guests.

Adam whistles as he arranges the flowers. In his interview, he says, Jenna said she loves small gestures, and he wants to show her that he’s listening. Being romantic and vulnerable isn’t like him; she’d better love the flowers. I can tell already that this is going to go bad. Who makes this big a deal out of flowers unless they’re five and picked them for mom? He brings the vase to Jenna in the galley. She admires them, and says if she had more energy, she’d be tearful. She didn’t know you could get flowers in this sort of situation. He says, the flowers are ugly, but it was the best the beach had to offer. I hate when people act this way. The flowers are actually quite pretty, and include my favorite, Queen Anna’s lace. He also arranged them well. In Adam’s interview, he says he thought they were on the same page, and she’d be stoked. It hurts a little. He was excited to give them to her; he worked all day for them (more than a slight exaggeration), and wanted to make her feel special. He feels like he failed, and he hates to fail. Jenna tells Byron about the proposal, and how she leant Jesse her ring. She says, she didn’t say yes, and Byron says it’s Jenna’s fault. In the hot tub, Jesse tells Lyndi about Jenna being all for it, and Lyndi says she wouldn’t be talking to Adam then. On the way back to their rooms, Lyndi tells Missy that Jesse handled it well, even though she thought he might cry. She would have hidden under a rock.

In the morning, Adam makes breakfast. He’s short with Jenna, and in her interview, she says he seems to be mad at her. Why? She has no clue.

Glenn docks the boat. The crew lines up, and Georgia pretends to be a guest leaving, and says she’ll have Chris later. In his interview, Chris says, Georgia is flirty, and says what she thinks. She’s a little dirty, and he likes that. Lyndi says it was the best vacation of their lives, and the crew outdid themselves. After bestowing the tip envelope on Glenn, the guests leave, and he blasts the horn, his signature. Chris hunts down Georgia in the laundry room, and asks what she’s up to tomorrow. Would she like to come to a fish foot bar with him? We both say, what? Then she says, okay? It’s the pinnacle of romance. In her interview, she says her mama didn’t raise a quitter. She’ll give it a go. I’m guessing it’s one of those pedicures where little fishies nibble at your toes.

It’s charter debrief time. Glenn welcomes Chris, saying, he hit the ground running. In Chris’s interview, he says he survived his first charter. No one pissed him off, everyone seems fun, and he fits in his bunk. Glenn says, the beach picnic went great, except for the proposal, but that’s on the guests, not them. He tells them, the music made a real impression; keep it up. They have two more charters, and he wants to turn it up a bit, and finish strong. The tip is $12700, or $1400 each. Meh. In Byron’s interview, he says, so influencers don’t make that much money. Good to know. Ciara asks Paget to go out to dinner with her, and in her interview, says they’re always preoccupied with work, and forget to spend time with each other. Paget will forget he has a girlfriend to take care of. Chris has put on a Hawaiian shirt, and Ciara and Georgia both wear black bras under denim jackets. In Jenna’s interview, she says, Paget’s girlfriend and dream girl are both dressed the same. They’re one step closer to that threesome.

The crew goes to the oldest restaurant in the city. Ciara, Paget, Jenna, and Adam split off and go across the street. Jenna keeps thinking they’ll run into Parker. She asks where Paget and Ciara would live if they weren’t working on a boat. Ciara says she likes Spain, but they were talking about Portugal. Paget wanders across the street, and drinks Georgia’s shot. In Madison’s interview, she says she’s over this dinner. Going out with the entire coupled crew blows d*ck. She tells everyone that she’s just an ugly a-hole, and Byron says, that was random. It’s no surprise everyone stared at her when she said that, but she says she doesn’t need everyone looking at her, and Byron asks, what’s going on? Why the random outburst? Chris says, they care, that’s all, and Madison walks off. Byron says they have a leaver. She craves attention, but hates the spotlight.

Madison comes back, and Byron asks why she’s in a bad mood. She says she’d rather not be there, and Byron says, so let’s go. She says she’s not a fan of group dinners. They move on to a club, and have shots at the bar, except for the cheese Madison, who stands alone. Georgia dances like a robot on crack. Jenna tells Byron, Madison has no tolerance for anything. In Byron’s interview, he says, it’s a façade. Madison is all high-fives and positive vibes, but she thrives on being overly dramatic. He doesn’t know why she’s insecure. He suggests they go back to the boat, and Adam whines that he’s been waiting to go for the last two hours.

On the way back, Madison jets ahead. Byron says she has issues, but he doesn’t know anything about her family. Georgia says she knows there was a tragedy; Madison’s sister was murdered. Byron says that’s enough for him to know. In Paget’s interview, he says that’s horrible. He doesn’t know Madison well, but when he hears something like that, it could explain some behaviors. Jenna asks if Adam wants to go to the master, but he says he doesn’t need a crew mutiny. She says the only mutiny he has to worry about is hers.

Chris gets in the hot tub, but Georgia tells Paget she’s not getting in. Paget and Ciara go to their cabin, and Jenna and Adam go to the master. We don’t see them, but we hear their conversation, and they don’t exactly bask long in the afterglow. Adam says it was amazing, and Jenna says she feels like he’s holding something back. He asks why she always brings up something stupid, and she says he’s this person she loves. He tells her, he’s not saying he loves anyone three weeks in. She asks if he’s aware of what he’s doing, and he says they just had incredible sex, and she has to bring up this effing bullsh*t and ruin the moment. She tells him not to attack her, and he says he will attack her. He’s showered her with compliments. She says, and if she doesn’t react properly, he gets mad. He says all he’s done is tell her how cool and beautiful she is, and he brought her flowers. She reacted like a corpse. She says she’s not sure if he’s pushing her away, but he’s pushing somebody away. Stop. He says she started it. Give him his pillow; he’s leaving. She says he’ll go hang in a van by himself; it’s what he does. He says, it’s easier than being with her, and she tells him, don’t do this.

I say, Jenna, don’t do this. Adam is such an infant, he doesn’t deserve a grown-ass woman.

Next time, the boat tilts in a big way, Georgia and Chris go to the fish foot bar (which is what I thought it is), the primary is battling stage four cancer, Adam throws a tantrum, and Madison is done with this sh*t.

💇‍♀️ Just Another Tease…

By the time they revive All My Children and One Life To Live, Erica will be on her 25th husband, and Vicki on her 25th personality.

🎭 If There’s No Audience, We’ll Make Our Own…

They’re actors, dammit! I love these shows done from people’s homes now. I like looking around, even though you know they’re talking from the most KonMaried room in the house. I keep checking out the bowl of oranges in Dr. Phil’s kitchen, seeing if they change.

📸 For the ATWT Fans…

While the date for this has passed, you can still watch the reunions.

🏃🏻 Brad On Brad…

I love Parry Shen. Brad always thinks he’s doing the right thing, then starts sweating bullets immediately.

🍑 Not So Peachy…

Nene talks smack.

And Kenya claps back.

🗣 She Just Can’t Help Herself…

Even if they had certain thoughts, a well-adjusted person wouldn’t say them out loud. Or on social media.

🍼 A new season of sMothered begins on May 24th at 10 pm on TLC. I watched the first one, but I don’t know how I feel about any of it. The mother/daughter relationships go from cutsie, but still intrusive, to downright creepy. Yeah, I’ll probably watch it again.

🛺 Getting There…

It’s been a little while now, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Soon we’ll be back to the new old normal. and while I can’t promise this will all seem like a mediocre to bad dream, it will ultimately be what you make it. In the meantime, stay safe, stay (relatively) sane, and stay not as tone deaf as Gal Gadot.

April 24, 2020 – Paulina’s Birthday Luau, Sonny Looks Back, Flashback Padding, Soap Story, Back With Vengeance, AMC Scares, a Goodbye, Open Secrets, Quarentinial Quotes & Sail


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


Shahs of Sunset

Reza tells us, when Persians are on vacation, and shelling out cash, they don’t like wasting a moment of time. Except Destiney. Everyone is in the kitchen early for breakfast, but Destiney is still sleeping. Mike asks who’s doing surfing and who’s doing the bees. He puts tattoos on everyone. In Mike’s interview, he says he thought Paulina might have a hard time, bringing the group along on her birthday trip, but they’ve been awesome. He’s helped by acting like a camp counselor. In MJ’s interview, she says she loves Mike, but he can be controlling, and the girls he’s with become subservient. We see a clip from the reunion where Mike didn’t want Jessica to come out, even though she wanted to speak her piece. MJ says, Mike is happy, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the same tendencies to be the guy he’s been for the last 35 years. GG asks where Destiney is.

MJ video chats with Tommy, and looks at baby Shams. She tells him, yesterday was hard. She felt homesick. She asks if Shams has changed, and Tommy jokes that he’s smoking cigarettes now. MJ shows him a lizard on a nearby rock. She says she and Reza had a nice, long conversation. He said his intention was to drop everything. She asks if Reza’s attorney has communicated with Tommy’s, but he says, no. In MJ’s interview, she says she’s going to be there for the man she married, and has a family with. She wants Reza to realize he’s wrong, and drop the charges. She says she’s going to try and have one nice day.

GG wants to do rosé all day, and wonders how MJ is going to surf in her thong bathing suit. Paulina says she’s going surfing, rather than joining Mike on what I find out later is a trip to a bee farm. MJ says Paulina is finally thinking clearly. In GG’s interview, she says, it’s been a while, and she’s having floating thoughts. In the car on the way to the farm, she asks the guys – Nema, Reza, and Mike – questions about sex. In Nema’s interview, he says he and GG haven’t had anything physical, although they’ve had moments that were close. We flash back to the almost-kiss on the ski trip. GG allows him to kiss her, although it’s nothing passionate. In her interview, GG says, less teeth and more lips would have been helpful. Nema says, it was a preview.

Destiney explains that her sister was stung by a bee while doing a handstand in the pool, so she’d rather go surfing. Shervin, MJ, Paulina, and Sara are also in the surfing group. An instructor shows MJ how to stay on a surfboard. She says she has an aggressive thong, which sounds painful, but she masters the stance. Although since the surfboard is on land, it’s kind of meaningless, since the ground isn’t rolling around beneath her. Destiney and Paulina just hang out on their surfboards in the sun. In Destiney’s interview, she says it’s like how Persians go to a pool party, but they don’t go in the pool. It’s same with the beach. It might ruin your hair.

At the bee farm, bee guy Joe gives the other group lots of bee information. GG tells him about seeing a shaman who said her spirit animal was a bee. She used to sting people, but now she wants to stay alive, Reza gets the complete protection suit, but the rest wear variations of gear, and GG just wears the hat and gloves. Reza says, a bitch lost 50 pounds, but the suit is still snug. GG says she knows her homies won’t sting her. Want some honey, honey? True story. The only time I was ever stung by a bee was when I was around four, and I tried to pet it. I love bees. Bee guy Joe takes out the shelves from the hive that are covered with bees. Nema thinks he and GG are two bees who need to pollinate, and Mike says he’s sweating like a whore in church.

The surfing group gets back first, and MJ wants a shot of Patron, even though she doesn’t like Patron. I don’t like it either, but that’s why I don’t drink it. MJ tells Paulina, she knows how it feels to be under a strict regime. It takes her back to her Persian boyfriend. She’s glad she married a white boy. Shervin shakes his head.

Bee guy Joe demonstrates how to make a candle, and the group gets sheets of beeswax to make one. Reza says, they’re expensive; make three or four. Paulina texts Mike, MJ is effing foul. In Mike’s interview, he says, MJ thrives off antagonizing people. It’s like a drug for her to poke at people. It gets her high. Mike says he has to go. He has to see WTF is happening.

Mike stomps in, asking, what happened? and Paulina says, MJ told her that she and Mike remind her of when she used to date Persian men. He says, WTF? and Shervin says, it doesn’t end there. Reza tells MJ that Paulina is upset. Something MJ said hurt, offended, or disrespected Paulina. In her interview, MJ says she’s shellshocked. She thought they were bullsh*tting, having fun, and bonding over men. Paulina tells Mike that MJ said she was glad she married a white guy, and Mike was so controlling. He tells her that he’s sorry she had to go through this. In his interview, he says he vowed never to be like that again, and his prayers were answered with Paulina. He says, MJ needs to know not to f*ck with him and his girl. He tells MJ that there’s been a lot of sh*t talk behind people’s backs, and he doesn’t like his girlfriend being upset. MJ says she loves Paulina; why is she upset? He says MJ told her that she was sorry Paulina was dating a Persian guy. She says she didn’t say that, and Mike says Paulina heard it that way. MJ says the Persian relationship situation reminded her that she married an American, and it’s very different. She didn’t say anything insulting, but she’s sorry Paulina heard it that way. In GG’s interview, she says, MJ is being her authentic self, someone who damages people. GG wants no more to do with it. Mike asks MJ what she’s thinking. Does she not like Paulina? MJ says Paulina is like a breath of fresh air. In Reza’s interview, he wonders why MJ would say what she did when she’s in a huge group, mostly of Persian men. MJ says, it’s a fact that American men are different, and Mike said she was pointing out that things are better. Trying to flip it, MJ asks why it has to be a comparison, and Mike says, she’s effed up. She tells him, she didn’t say he was controlling, which is exactly what she said. GG doesn’t understand how anyone can insert themselves in someone else’s life. Mike says, stop engaging. GG leaves, while suggesting MJ get her own life. Mike admits he’s opinionated, but says he’s not controlling. MJ says if they don’t want her there, don’t invite her, and Mike says he wants her to act right. She asks what she’s doing wrong, and when he wants to apologize, hopefully she’ll be open to it. Destiney says Persian men are controlling, but she loves them. Shervin tells Reza, Adam called and asked if he could fart.

GG goes outside and sits with Paulina. She says she’s sorry she wasn’t there earlier. They thought Paulina was having a great time, then all of a sudden, Mike was raging, In GG’s interview, she says, it’s confusing, having a friend like MJ. They’ve had some amazing times – we flash back to some of those – but on the other side, MJ preyed on her vulnerability – we flash back to MJ and Reza blindsiding GG with Shalom’s ex-wife. GG says they’re talking about the woman who single-handedly sh*t on everyone.

MJ tells Reza, she said Mike was strict, and he still continues to pop off. Let her cool off. Reza says, it’s Paulina’s birthday; talk to her. MJ goes out, joining Paulina and GG. GG is telling Paulina, it doesn’t make sense, and it’s not right. What credibility does MJ have? MJ says she’s sorry if she upset Paulina when she said Mike was strict. They haven’t hung out that much, and Paulina seems easy-going, so MJ let her guard down and was talking sh*t. GG slips away, and MJ sits down. She tells Paulina, she says things that sound harsh, but her intention isn’t from a bad place. Paulina says, hearing that, she wondered what going on. She felt the drama between MJ and Reza, and wondered if she was next. In MJ’s interview, she says she’s realizing, before Paulina has a chance to get to know her, she’s been told bullsh*t. Paulina says it means a lot to her for MJ to explain herself.

Nema says Paulina is adjusting to the group, and how everyone is in everyone’s sh*t. He doesn’t consider it malicious, but just thoughtless. In Destiney’s interview, she says MJ is sh*tty with her comments sometimes, and always comes back with she didn’t mean it, and how much she cares. It makes you think you’re crazy. She’s not sorry; it’s a pattern. Mike says, it’s time for the luau dinner.

A conch is blown. It reminds me of Lord of the Flies, which isn’t far off. A pig has been roasted, and there are hula dancers with a three-piece accompaniment. They toast to a beautiful evening together. MJ hugs Paulina. In Mike’s interview, he says, even though he appreciates MJ’s apology – it’s big of her – it’s more of a concern what a persona says behind his back than in front of his face. In Reza’s interview, he wonders, WTF were they thinking? Who’s eating the pig? He’s half Muslim and half Jewish. He doesn’t screw with swine. I didn’t even think of that. GG says, the pig is scary. I was at an event that included a pig roast once, and they’re gross, but the smell is incredible. It tasted good too, but by the time I got there, almost nothing but the head was left, so all I got was a taste.

Paulina thanks everyone for coming on the trip her love planned for her. Nema says, in 2018, Mike was a pain in the ass, but the 2019 Mike is amazing. Reza says Paulina made someone they loved better, and they toast to her. A beautiful cake comes out, almost like a small wedding cake, decorated with real flowers. The group sings Happy Birthday in Persian. Mike hopes all her wishes come true. Fire dancers come out, and GG ducks behind the table. In her interview, she says she has Puff the Magic Dragon with her, and she doesn’t want to die. They drink some more.

Nema compliments GG, and Mike says they want to see a kiss. Nema says they saw that once today, and the guys all make fun of him. Mike asks GG to show them again, and she says she’s definitely drunk enough. Nema tells her, come on, and she says that’s probably why he’s still single; he has no swag. Mike asks if he ever smashed Erica, and Nema says, he has a major emotional attachment to her. He had no sense of family growing up, and has a hard time letting go. In Nema’s interview, he says, not having a key maternal figure, he doesn’t process relationships the same way, and that’s why it’s hard to let go of Erica. Nema says Erica saved him after his divorce, at his lowest point. He doesn’t like their disrespectful comments. He goes inside.

GG says, Nema needed a break from the conversation. It didn’t work out, and it’s sensitive for him. Why is it fair grounds [sic] to talk about it? She goes inside and sits with Nema, but sees a roach walking across the floor, and freaks out. MJ is on her way in, and GG tries to stop her, telling her about the bug. In his interview, Nema says he knows GG likes to get high, but she’s a little crazy. Who knows what she sees? He swipes the bug outside with his foot, and she sees another one on the ceiling. She’s worried his friend is going to come for her now.

Nema tells GG, any criticism of Erica is difficult for him. GG says he should marry Erica, and he says she wants and deserves tradition, but he can’t give her what she wants. GG asks, why? and he says, it’s awkward to say that he loves her, but he’s attracted to other women. GG says he needs someone who understands that he wants to have fun. If her brain could be put into Erica, it would be perfect. Nema says he would marry her, and GG says then he’d have his cake and eat it too. He asks which she is, the cake or what he’s eating? She says she’s always an option. Paulina interrupts, and says she has a ritual she wants them to do. Nema says, saved by the bell, and GG says, he was saved by the bell. She asks what flavor cake she’d be, and Nema says, red velvet. GG thinks she’d be devil’s food.

Back at the table, Paulina says, for her birthday, she wishes they could have deep friendships, but they’re afraid to be honest. She wants them to write down, anonymously, how they feel. In his interview, Reza says, bad idea, and Paulina tells them, write down what you’re scared to say. In Reza’s interview, he says, give them a slice of coconut cake, and be done with it. Where’s the hula dancer? Where’s Don Ho when you need him? This is a bad, bad idea. Paulina says they’re going to burn them afterward. They move to the fire, and Paulina reads, Nema is passive/aggressive. The next one says, Shervin is too buff. He needs to eat a salad some time. Shervin says, it’s in crayon. It’s Mike. Mike starts to laugh. Paulina reads another one that says, if I hadn’t been vulnerable, I wouldn’t have hurt the people I love. They all seem to know it’s Reza, and she reads, I don’t like to see people who thrive on people in pain. She picks up another, and says, Sara needs to clear out the skeletons in her closet. Sara says, wow, and Mike says, that’s been the chatter amongst the group behind her back. We flash back to Sara talking to Reza about her time with R. Kelly. Sara says, none of them would know what to expect; what it’s like seeing your ex on the news. It’s a ridiculous statement. Destiney says she didn’t write it, but she’s glad someone did. GG insists on switching seats, so Destiney and Sara can talk it out. In Destiney’s interview, she says, even though she and Sam are no longer dating, there’s been some tough sh*t with the R. Kelly situation. She’d never want to make another woman feel less than. They clasp hands. Sara says she feels like everyone is on the hunt. It’s the worst thing, exploiting the situation. MJ says the people they’re closest to, are the people they pick on. Something they need to flip the script on, and learn to be better. MJ says the person she wants to be isn’t hurtful, and she wishes she’d never hurt anyone or ever gotten hurt. She wishes it was different. Reza says the situation between him and MJ was hard for him. He needed to have conversations, and make apologies and promises. Mike says, it has to stop, for everyone’s piece of mind. He wants to move forward. No more sh*t talking or back stabbing. He needs Paulina to be okay. Reza says they need to act nicely, and let this sh*t stay in Hawaii. Burn the letters. Mike throws them in the fire, and says he doesn’t want to hear one more negative thing.

The next morning, GG asks if Nema has any memories of last night. He was pretty wasted. Nema says she was too, and she says she was beyond wasted. We see her clips of GG dancing around, and saying she’s so drunk. She says, mission aborted, and Nema says, between them. In Nema’s interview, he says, GG made it clear that she was open and willing to have sex. We see GG saying, Nema, now! He says, five minutes, and she says, okey dokey, artichokey. GG says, obviously, he was comfortable enough to have sex, or at least take it where it was. Nema says, there may have been a hot tub moment. They both use paper dolls to illustrate their narrative. They got in the hot tub, and Nema put his back against the jets. GG told Nema that he looked good, and he said she did too. GG was drinking and smoking weed, and pulled Nema closer. Nema says, she bit his lip; it hurt. Her hands were feeling around, wondering, what’s going on down there? GG suddenly tosses the paper dolls in the air. In his interview, Nema says, here’s a beautiful woman, who’s been drinking a lot. He doesn’t know if she’d feel the same way if she was sober. One  time GG told him that she could get any guy she wants. It’s nice to be the one. He smiles, blinding us with his teeth.

Reza and MJ sit outside on the lawn. Reza says, it took coming there to give them perspective in their lives. They have it so good, and have one another’s backs. He puts his head in MJ’s lap. He says he wants to tell her what’s been going on, and how rough sh*t has been. He can’t go through this again. MJ says they’re on the right track, but her worst fear is that he and Tommy aren’t on the right track. They’ve yet to hear what the status is on the restraining order. Reza had said he was lifting it, and not pressing charges. We flash back to MJ and Tommy talking with their lawyer. Reza says, when he gets home, he’s going to have a conversation with his attorney, and let him know that he doesn’t have an interest in pursuing it any more. MJ says when he finally follows through, it will be a big message to Tommy. In MJ’s interview, she says the judge will most likely dismiss the vandalism, and her husband won’t be a felon. Maybe there’s a chance in hell of healing this catastrophe in their relationship. MJ tells Reza, fingers crossed, they’re in the pool in 2020.

In Reza’s interview, he says, clearly, MJ wants him to drop the charges. He’s figuring out if their relationship will get better after he does. It feels like it will, but…

Next time, a Sip and See for Shams, and Mike isn’t going; Reza talks to Adam about Tommy, but Adam wants to stick by the order; and MJ tells Reza if there’s going to be future between them, please don’t do this.

🏥 On General Hospital’s Flashback Friday today – a flashback in a flashback – Sonny remembered his early days, and changed the past in his head – Dante was married to Sam, and working for the Jeromes, along with Jason; and Anna was police commissioner, but had given up on life after Robin died from AIDS. Sonny realized that whatever we choose, there’s a price to pay.

🎞 And There’s Also the Moss…

While tedious, they do their job.

🧼 You Know You Love Them…

My husband always gets mad when I say The Sopranos is a soap, but it is. And so is Game of Thrones.

noun: soap opera; plural noun: soap operas

  1. a television or radio drama series dealing typically with daily events in the lives of the same group of characters.

I rest my case. This show, detailing a look into daytime’s history, is very promising. The Story of Soaps airs Tuesday, May 19 at 8:00 p.m. ET on ABC.

😱 I Can’t Look Away…

Seriously. It’s like a horrible accident.

⚰️ And If You Like It Scary…

Some new stuff coming to AMC.

🎭 A Great Actor Gone…

I had the privilege of seeing Brian Dennehy in Inherit the Wind on Broadway (co-starring Christopher Plummer, no less). He was an amazing actor, who put the same amount of energy playing a neighborhood bully in a TV movie as he did in playing Matthew Harrison Brady.

🍪 In Case You’ve Had Too Many Quarantine Cookies…

Katie shares her secrets, which aren’t really very secret.

🥁 Quotes of the Week

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. – William Shakespeare (Who just got a birthday shout out on April 23rd. )

Be the change that you wish to see in the world. – Mahatma Gandhi

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. – Andre Gide

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. – Marilyn Monroe

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).Mark Twain

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt

We are the forgers, the survivors, and our dance is fierce. – Patti Smith

If my answers frighten you, Vincent, then you should cease asking scary questions. – Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson), Pulp Fiction

🛫 Even If Just In Your Mind…

Do something different to make the weekend separate from the week. Take in an online Broadway show or concert, tour a museum, a zoo, or Venice. Just think, it’s not often you can just hit pause and go to the bathroom or get a sandwich in the middle of a gondola ride. Do a workout. The online or DVD choices are endless, and you can still go outside. Or read a book. Remember those? Stay safe, stay moving, and stay creative.

April 23, 2020 – How Memories Define Us, Leah Tiki Torches Ramona’s Lawn, the Chefs Conduct Flavor Profiles & Up


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

It’s flashback Thursday in Port Charles.

Sonny says he was thinking about how memories define us. We go down Mike Memory Lane; being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, the Nurses Ball when Sonny helped him sing, Mike’s tantrum on Thanksgiving, and Sonny’s decision to move Mike to Turning Woods.

On the phone, Carly says, the Nurses Ball is coming up. She needs the renovations completed, so the attendees can stay over. She expects to hear from them by 5 pm tonight. Cyrus walks in, and says he hopes he’s not interrupting. She says she already told him, they can’t accommodate him. He says he’s meeting someone there, and she suggests they meet somewhere else. Lulu comes in, and thanks him for meeting her. He says he was just explaining to Carly that she invited him to meet there. Lulu says Cyrus is giving an interview to The Invader, and Carly says, next time Lulu wants to interview a drug trafficker, do it somewhere else. Carly walks off, and Cyrus asks if Lulu would prefer another venue, but she says, no. It’s okay. She already reserved a table.

Mac tells Jordan, the hospital security cameras couldn’t get much on the van that dropped off TJ. Officers are canvasing the area to find out if any witnesses noted the license plate. Chase is also coordinating with the detectives in the field. There’s a knock at the door, and Curtis comes in with coffee. Mac says, the department is doing everything in its power to get justice for TJ. He leaves, and Curtis says she didn’t expect Mac not to investigate, did she? She says she never thought it would be so public. She prays TJ doesn’t remember, especially anything connected to Cyrus.

Sam goes into Charlie’s, where Kristina is working behind the bar. She asks if Sam wants her usual; cream, no sugar. Sam says Kristina knows her well, but she came to see how Kristina is doing, since she’s been preoccupied with Molly. Kristina says, for once, her life is drama free. Julian gave her a raise she didn’t ask for. She doesn’t know what she did to make him feel guilty enough to pay her extra. Sam says it’s nothing Kristina did; it’s what Julian did. He made trouble for their mom.

Alexis meets Neil, who’s now sporting a beard, at the MetroCourt. He says they have a lot to discuss. He didn’t want to do it at the hospital, since it’s so public, and since he can’t practice there, he doesn’t have an office. She says she’s sorry his license was revoked, and he says, never mind him. What about her? She says she hasn’t heard from the Bar. She knows they’ll have an issue with her lying under oath, but it’s not an issue that she slept with him, so there’s that. They can be seen in public like normal people. He says, it’s like a first date.

Sonny is waiting for Carly in her office, and she asks how it went. He says, with Mike? Not good. She asks if he got her text, and he says, sorry. His phone was on silent. He’s been looking at the remodel, and thinks she did a fantastic job. She asks if he really likes it, and he says, it seems unfair. They want to remodel, so they find an architect, approve the designs, and pay for it. Problem solved. With his father, it doesn’t matter how much money he spends, how many doctors he talks to, or what tests they run. He’s losing his father to the disease a little more every day, and there’s nothing he can do about it. She hugs him, and he says, sorry. What was her text about? She says, Cyrus Renault.

Cyrus looks around, and Lulu asks if he’s worried his enemies are lurking and going to take him out during the interview. He says his only enemy there seems to be Carly. Lulu says she can smooth things over there, but Cyrus was allegedly involved in a turf war, so Carly’s husband might be a different matter. He says he reached out to Sonny, one businessman to another, but Sonny wasn’t interested. Sonny might have been misled by his wrongful conviction. She asks him to tell her about it, and he says, corrupt members of law enforcement manufactured evidence that put him in prison. Now he’s free to make a fresh start in Port Charles. She asks what his profession is, and he says he’s an investor. She asks what kinds of things he invests in, and he says, whatever catches his interest and is profitable. It’s all open and above board. She asks how his investments came to the attention of the DEA. We flash back to Jordan visiting Cyrus in prison. He says Jordan had been his right hand, and asks if she remembers those days. Do they haunt her; the things she did? Jordan says he gave the orders, and made things happen, and he asks if she was always a traitor, or did someone turn her? She asks what he thinks, and he says if she came to embarrass him, mission accomplished. To admit one traitor is a mistake, but four? To paraphrase, Oscar Wilde, it sounds like carelessness. He hopes her associates are okay.

Cyrus tells Lulu that he’s a very successful man who’s making a lot of money. People tend to be jealous. When they couldn’t find evidence, they invented it. She asks if he’s holding any grudges, but he says, absolutely not. He lives in the present, not the past. He sees his mission as improving lives and contributing to the betterment of the community. She says, it sounds noble, but the only way he can gain the support of her readers is to give more personal details. Why did he relocate? Does he have family or friends there? There’s nothing about his personal life online. Laura approaches the table, and he says her timing is impeccable. Lulu says, mom? and he says, Laura is her mother? He should have put it together; two attractive, intelligent women being related. Laura says he didn’t do his homework on her? How careless. She did all of her homework on him.

Alexis says if Neil wants to fight the accreditation board – and she thinks he should – count her in. He thinks it’s too soon for his next move, and she says, nothing is stopping them or getting in the way of them seeing each other. Neil says they can finally discover why they can’t resist the urge to be together, no matter what the cost. We flash back to Alexis and Neil meeting at the opera, and Neil coming to her hotel room later. He says that’s why he invited her; to find out what’s next for both of them.

Jason stands on the pier, and we flash back to the early days when he, Sam, and the rest of us were all infants. We see Sam pregnant; the two of them vowing their love forever; dancing at the Chinese restaurant; goofing around, and Jason winning a stuffed toy for Sam at the fair. We move to them being on the run, getting busy, and getting married. We go back to Jason rescuing Sam from the water when he came back after five years, and revealing himself to her at the hospital. We see them watching fireworks on the Haunted Star, escaping the earthquake, and Sam telling Jason she never stopped loving him.

Kristina asks Sam what Julian did to their mom, but Sam thinks Alexis should tell her. She always finds her courage. Kristina says, cryptic, but true. Brando comes in, and asks if his order is ready. Kristina asks his name, and he says, Brando Corbin. Sam says, as in Mike? and he says, Mike is his second cousin. Kristina says, that makes them cousins too, and introduces herself and Sam. She says Sonny is her dad. He’s not Sam’s dad, but she’s a qualifying Corinthos. Brando says Sam is a heroine, but Sam says she wouldn’t take it that far. He says she rescued Dev from Shiloh. It was a messed up situation. He doesn’t get how anyone can fall for that mumbo jumbo cult stuff. We flash back to Kristina telling Jason about Dawn of Day, and that it’s the best thing that ever happened to her. We see Molly telling Kristina, it’s all she talks about. Kristina says, it transformed her life, and Molly says, more like taken over. We move to Jason rescuing Kristina.

Felix sees TJ is back work, on crutches no less. Impressive, and a touch masochistic. TJ says he missed a lot of work. It’s time to get back in the game. Felix asks if he remembers anything, and TJ says he’s trying. Felix says he will. Molly comes by, and hopes TJ is checking his every move with his orthopedist. She doesn’t think making the rounds on crutches is good for his leg. He says she’s already in domestic partner mode, then asks if that sounds clinical. She says they’re the most romantic words she ever heard. She’s just making sure he’s okay. She’s meeting her sisters at Charlie’s. She’s going to let them know that she and TJ are going to be an official couple in the eyes of the law. He says, sorry he can’t drive her. When is her car out of the shop? She says, soon she hopes. He’s glad she wasn’t hurt, and she says, who knew going over a curb could cause so much trouble? He says she knows he’d never leave her. We flash back to Jordan telling Molly to get over TJ. He doesn’t want to see her. Grow up, and accept there are consequences for her actions. She broke TJ’s heart.

Molly tells TJ, she knows now. Even his mom thought he’d ghosted her. She tells him, go save some lives. She’ll see him soon.

Jordan tells Curtis, the department can’t tie TJ’s abduction to Cyrus. Cyrus might hurt TJ even worse. Curtis says, if they don’t, Cyrus is free to set up shop, using her to make it easy. She says she has a pretty good idea of what Cyrus is planning. How does she stop him without risking TJ’s life, or his, or the lives of everyone she loves?

Carly tells Sonny, Lulu asked Cyrus to meet her at the MetroCourt for an interview, so she couldn’t throw him out. Sonny says, Laura must have told Lulu Cyrus was a threat, and Carly says she guesses Lulu picked the MetroCourt because she felt safe. Cyrus is a free man. Sonny says, he had Lulu’s mother shot, but until they can prove it, he’s just another businessman. Jason arrives, and says Cyrus is at the MetroCourt. Carly says she was just telling Sonny, and Sonny asks if Jason had any pushback from canceling the meeting. Jason says, Cyrus wasn’t happy, but Mike is more important. Sonny says he was thinking about it, and Mike started going downhill after the ambush in Brooklyn. We flash back to Mike telling Sonny, he doesn’t want to do this anymore; Mike saying he saying doesn’t know Brando; and telling Sonny that he’s tired. Mike tells Sonny, once they’re back in Bensonhurst, it will be all right.

Carly tells Sonny, Mike was going down before that. That’s why Sonny wanted to get him into the Alzheimer’s trial. Sonny says, afterwards, Mike was so shaken, he couldn’t go back to enroll. A lost opportunity to improve Mike’s brain function. Jason says, maybe, and Sonny says, you never know. Cyrus tried to take him out in front of his father.

Jordan wonders if she should go to the Feds and confess that she’s just as culpable, but Curtis says, no. She’ll go to prison, and Cyrus will remain free. She says she could tell them about TJ being abducted, and Curtis says, based on what? She knows how well Cyrus covers his tracks. Is there any guarantee they’ll find proof? We flash back to Cyrus telling Jordan there’s not much to do in solitary, except be philosophical. Thinking about all the wrongs he has left to right. She asks what he wants; obviously, it’s not to kill her.

Jordan tells Curtis, maybe TJ will remember something incriminating. He says, a moment ago, she was hoping he wouldn’t.

Mac asks TJ if he’s got a minute, and TJ says he was about to take a break. Mac says they’re doing everything to find out who abducted him, and TJ says, Chase took his statement. Mac says he thought he’d follow up and see if TJ remembers anything new. TJ says he’s thought a lot about it, but nothing comes to mind. Mac says, any detail, even if it seems insignificant, will help.

Kristina says she’ll check on Brando’s order, and goes into the kitchen. Brando asks Sam if he said something wrong, and she says, Kristina was part of DoD. She escaped, but it was a long and painful process. It was scary for the family – and Kristina. Next time, Brando might want to keep his opinions to himself. Kristina comes back with his order, and says he paid online, so they’re good. He says, no; they’re not. He wants to apologize. He was out of line. Molly looks through the window, and sees Brando talking with Kristina. We flash back to Molly being at the garage and kissing Brando. We see her finding out TJ was kidnapped, and telling Brando, it was a mistake and never happened.

Neil says, Alexis has to admit, it’s been an insane couple of weeks. She asks what the odds are that they’d be seated next to each other at the opera, and Britt would be in the same hotel. Neil says, and Alexis telling her ex about it. Alexis still can’t believe Julian felt justified to attack Neil like a feral Neanderthal. Then announcing she and Neil slept together. At the hospital. He says maybe if they hadn’t slept together and lied about it, Sam wouldn’t have said what she did. Alexis says Sam’s words weren’t as hurtful as her taking a drink. She asks if he’s angry; he sounds angry. He says that’s because he is, and she asks, at her or himself. He says, both.

Brando tells Kristina, he’s sorry for making a snap judgement. He didn’t know his mouth was big enough for a size 10. She says, you learn something new every day, and he says let him make it up to her. Whenever her car needs something, come to his shop, and he’ll give her a discount. He leaves, and Kristina says, he couldn’t offer it for free? which is exactly what I was thinking. Sam says, he’s just an opinionated jerk. Outside, Molly asks Brando what he’s doing there. He says, picking up food, and she asks why he was talking to her sisters.

Mac tells TJ, start at the beginning. What he remembers before the abduction. TJ says he was upset about something personal, and figured he’s walk it off, and clear his head. Mac asks if he remembers where he was, but TJ isn’t sure. He heard a car behind him, as he was about to reach the corner. Elm and 10th. Mac says, it’s deserted there at night, and TJ says, the next thing he knew, they jumped him. They wrestled him to the sidewalk, and put a sack over his head. Mac asks, how many? and TJ says, two. He tried to fight back, but they tied his hands and beat him up. Mac says, keep going, and TJ says he thinks he blacked out. The next thing he remembers is being in the back of a van; there was a sense of room. The muffler was loud, and woke him up. He thought he might be concussed, so he tried to stay awake. Mac asks if he remembers which way they were headed, and TJ says, after a few left turns, they stopped. He heard a train horn. Mac says, the nearest crossing by Elm and 10th is Dockery. How long was the ride? TJ thinks ten or fifteen minutes. They chloroformed him before he could identify anyone. He came to in a basement. Mac asks if he remembers any sounds or smells, and TJ says he remembers both.

Curtis tells Jordan, going to the Feds isn’t an option. If they haul Cyrus in based on her word, and can’t find a shred of evidence, they’ll be forced to let him go. Cyrus will be out in Port Charles, thinking of a way to get even. Jordan says, unless she tells them about Harmony. Harmony can cut a deal, and  they can put her in the witness protection program. Curtis loves her crystal ball, but as soon as Cyrus finds out Harmony is talking, she’s a dead woman, along with anyone willing to turn state’s evidence. We flash back to Cyrus saying, no locked, windowless room, no mayor, no Commissioner, nothing can keep a determined man from getting what he wants.

Jordan tells Curtis, she’s boxed in, with nothing to do but cooperate.

Cyrus tells Lulu, her mother is concerned for his safety. She insisted he return to Seattle, but when he said he wanted to make his home there, she told him that if he was killed, she’d bring his perpetrators to justice. Lulu says her mother cares about all of her constituents, no matter who they are. He says he’s proud to call himself one of Port Charles’s citizens, and he’s going to work hard be an asset. He’s going to start by contributing to Laura’s campaign.

Sonny tells Carly and Jason, Elizabeth thinks his father should have a DNR. Carly asks what Sonny thinks, and he says, he thinks it’s too soon. Jason says Elizabeth is the best nurse there, and Sonny says, she also suggested palliative care. If something happens, they’ll make sure Mike is in no pain, but they can’t give him treatment. Carly asks what Mike thinks, and Sonny says, Mike didn’t say a lot. He was unfocused. They did have a great moment when he was feeding Mike. Mike liked it, and he could see his dad was still in there. Sonny smiles.

On Monday, Laura looks forward to hearing Cyrus’s decision, Alexis gets an email from the NY Bar Association, and Sonny wants to get it over with.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Ramona apologizes not giving Lu Ann her room. LuAnn says, it’s not about that. It’s that she wasn’t considered, and she was hurt. The spiders and the smell were the worst. She says Ramona knows she’s not a spoiled brat. Ramona says she was wrong, and please come back. LuAnn says she’s going to kick Ramona’s ass at tennis, and she’s sleeping at her own house. Leah says, only in the Hamptons is it like, bitch, I’ll see you on the tennis court. Dorinda doesn’t want to go to the party tonight, and wants to stay home. In Ramona’s interview, she says, it’s her friend’s birthday party in Sag Harbor. She loves the women, but not that much. She wants to get some action; food, wine, dancing, and men. She reminds Sonja about how Elyse called her a trophy wife, and she kept telling Elyse to take it back. Tinsley says, then Sonja threw it on her. Sonja says she was a hard-working wife, and Tinsley says she was too. Sonja asks where the shoe repair place was in her neighborhood, and Tinsley says she’s not getting on this loop. In Leah’s interview, she says, the first rule of a trophy wife is, if you have to explain why you weren’t a trophy wife, you probably were a trophy wife. Leah says Sonja said the same thing to Tinsley that she found offensive.

Tennis coach Adriano comes to Ramona’s. In her interview, she says he’s the hottest tennis pro in Hamptons. LuAnn arrives, and in her interview, says she doesn’t think Ramona stuck her in the basement on purpose; Ramona just doesn’t think. LuAnn isn’t letting it ruin her weekend. She tells Ramona, don’t try to be nice; it’s not her M.O. Ramona says even though there’s a party tonight, she’s going to hang out with her friends, since they’re more important. Dorinda comes out, and asks if their midnight rider is back. In Dorinda’s interview, Ramona uses the 80s method of hiring people. They have to be good-looking, fit, and somewhat datable. This has nothing to do with tennis. LuAnn is competitive, and wants to beat Ramona, and Ramona will just pretend to play while her boobs are hanging out. LuAnn wins the match. Dorinda says she’s never played, and plays better than Ramona.

Leah tells Tinsley, she loves Sonja, but Sonja needs to stop saying she married the bank. We see a clip of drunk Sonja yapping about her private island and yacht. She says, it’s sad that Sonja won’t move on. In Leah’s interview, she says it’s strange how she knows so much about the life Sonja used to live, but nothing about the life she’s living now. The yacht has sailed, and she needs to get over it. LuAnn grills Adriano on his personal life, and he says it’s hard to meet someone in Manhattan. LuAnn says it could happen when he least expects it. It could happen today. He’s like, maybe not.

Ramona has problems with the grill, while Dorinda makes frozé. In her interview, Dorinda thinks what LuAnn went through was intense and difficult, but she’s getting past it. Ramona bitches about no one helping, and whines that there’s no silverware out. Leah explains the silverware is in the napkins. Dorinda and LuAnn get pissed about how Ramona is talking to Leah. In Dorinda’s interview, she wonders if they’re staying there, or working for Ramona. What’s the hourly wage? Leah says that’s how her family talks to each other, and in her interview, says she was raised to respect her elders, so she lets Ramona get away with it – for now. Ramona screeches for help with the grill. In her interview, she says Mario was always in charge of grilling.

They sit down to eat, and Ramona says she was telling LuAnn about their conversation on vulnerability. She asks if LuAnn would like to add something. LuAnn says it’s hard for her not to drink. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, the hard part is knowing she can drink if she wants, but is choosing not to. Right now, she wishes she was back in the game with the girls. She tells them, it’s a challenge for her, and the first time she’s felt that way in a while. In Sonja’s interview, she says she’s proud of where LuAnn is; that she can be open and honest. LuAnn says it would be fine if she drank, but she’d be upset with herself. In her interview, she says she made a resolve not to drink. In Leah’s interview, she says there’s probably so much going through LeeAnn’s mind. The same stuff was going through hers when she decided to start drinking, but LuAnn has to make that decision for herself. Ramona says she’s proud of LuAnn.

Dog groomers Ed and Michael arrive to groom Sonja’s Marley. In LuAnn’s interview, she says Michael is a hot guy. She’d like to be groomed. Sonja says, it’s a full-service house, with tennis and dog grooming, and delivers Marley to them. Michael bathes Marley in the sink, and LuAnn asks if he needs help. She tells him that she has a Westie. Ramona comes in, and in her interview, she says, if there’s a man in the house, LuAnn is on it. People think she’s the biggest flirt, but LuAnn is. Marley also gets a massage, and Michael massages LuAnn’s neck. She says he has great hands, and asks if he makes house calls. Sonja dances in front of the dog hair dryer.

They get ready for dinner, having decided to stay in. Dorinda says she doesn’t do well at big parties, and she’s bored with herself. Tinsley says she’s a stage mom with her dogs. Leah asks if Ramona needs help, but Ramona says, no, and Dorinda says Ramona would just yell at her anyway. Leah says she’s glad they’re staying in. She doesn’t have to worry about any weird white guys showing up. Weird white guy Jeff arrives. Ramona says he’s a friend, makes great lasagna, and is a great pianist. Leah says, it’s a p*ssy party, and wonders why there’s one penis in the room. In Ramona’s interview, she says everyone is going to her friend’s party, but the girls didn’t want to go. She tells Sonja that she called different guys, and he’s the only one who showed up. Leah drinks out of a glass that she thought was cranberry juice, and Tinsley tells her there’s vodka in there. In Tinsley’s interview, she thinks as long as she’s around, Leah won’t go off the deep end… hopefully… maybe… They play beer pong with plastic champagne glasses. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, they’re more like frat guys getting wasted. There are times she misses drinking, but tonight isn’t one of them. She can’t help but watch, and think, is this how she was when she was drunk? Elyse joins them, and Sonja attacks Tinsley with a vibrator. Jeff wisely decides to make an exit. Sonja says, this is the best party ever.

Dorinda says Ramona hurt her feelings, saying she’d be done with John in two years. We see a clip of Ramona saying just that to a guy at the party the night before. LuAnn says, Ramona is so insensitive. Outside, Tinsley says she’s getting naked, and Leah says she’s going stir crazy. There’s only so much talk about yachts and declassé she can take. Leah and Tinsley get in the pool, Tinsley in her underwear, and Leah without anything. Leah tries to put out a torch by flinging Dom Perignon at it. Inside, Dorinda says, it’s not always great with John, but he’s different choice for her. She accepted John into her life as a friend, and he’s family to her now. She’s about the foundation of the house. Ramona says, what if John is getting girl’s phone numbers? Would Dorinda be upset?  Dorinda asks why she’s saying that. It’s an a-hole thing to say. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, one thing she knows for sure, John never flirted with Ramona. LuAnn asks why Ramona is rolling her eyes, and Ramona says one of the girls told her John was getting numbers. In Ramona’s interview, she says Dorinda became a different person after John, and she’s not totally happy. Ramona thinks Dorinda realizes it down deep. Elyse says Ramona is mean, and in LuAnn’s interview, she says, Ramona has no bedside manner. She’s the Dr. Kevorkian of delivering messages. Sonja goes outside, and Leah says, take it off – now. Leah flings a torch across the lawn, and Sonja flings another one. Leah chases her around the pool, and says she hates the torches. Sonja gets nakey, and gets in the pool with a bottle of champagne. She says she feels young and fun. Leah says Dorinda is judging them, but Sonja says, Dorinda’s not judgy.

Dorinda tells Ramona, don’t say anything mean again. In Ramona’s interview, she says, no one could get that John wasn’t like Richard. He’s not as well-spoken, intelligent, or dignified. We flash back to John asking Ramona to leave one of Dorinda’s parties, with Ramona looking pretty undignified herself. Ramona says, people wonder what Dorinda is doing with him. Tinsley takes her top off, and Leah tells LuAnn to get in the pool. LuAnn says, let her think about it, and goes back inside. Which means she didn’t even have to think about it. It’s just no.

LuAnn tells the others, the girls are in the pool naked. Leah, Tinsley, and Sonja come back inside. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she can’t believe Tinsley. She won’t even wear a bathing suit without a wrap. What would Dale think? Leah comes in wearing a sheer top with no bra, and Dorinda tells her to cover up. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, it’s too much. For the first time in a long time, she’s speechless. She steers Leah into one of the bedrooms. We hear her comment that Leah’s lady parts have wings, and Leah comes back out, wearing a leopard bustier under her blouse. Tinsley slurps spaghetti. Ramona says she’s leaving for the party, and LuAnn can’t believe it. In Ramona’s interview, she says all of them were invited. They’re going to drink themselves to sleep, and she’s not staying home. She tells Sonja that she’s seeing her superficial friends. In Sonja’s interview, she says, this is a new low. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, you shouldn’t leave your guests. Ramona gets the worst hostess award. Elyse says, Ramona has to go. The cost might be that she doesn’t meet a man. Sonja gets loud and animated, bringing up Elyse saying she was just an accessory when she was married. Leah says, that ship sailed, but Sonja says she wants to talk about what Elyse said. Leah yells, 1985 is over! In her interview, Sonja wonders when the party became occupy the Hamptons, She says Leah has a chip on her shoulder, and Sonja says Dorinda didn’t want her to put the family logo on her shoes. We flash back to Dorinda saying she thought it was mortifying. Sonja says she’s in the Blue Book. I fail to see how this is some kind of great achievement, but then again, I’m not in the Blue Book. Sonja and Leah scream at each other for a minute. In Tinsley’s interview, she says, maybe this is why Leah stopped drinking. Leah tells Tinsley not to get socialite on her, and Sonja calls Leah a hater. Leah says she’s not. She just wants Sonja to let it go. Sonja goes in the bathroom, saying, Leah never lived it. Leah follows her, and Sonja gets in Leah’s face, saying, Tinsley built a brand based on marrying a Mortimer. They end up hugging it out, although I’ll be damned if I know how they got there. Elyse says, if they all went into group therapy, the therapist would end up in an asylum.   

The next morning, it’s a mess outside – tikis everywhere, broken glass, a champagne bottle floating in the pool. Dorinda demands that Sonja do some facial masks with her. In Sonja’s interview, she says she feels hurt about Leah’s assumptions. She tells Dorinda, Ramona is going to go apesh*t. Leah is downstairs when Ramona sees the mess. The kitchen is also a nightmare, food everywhere, a pair of glasses in a wineglass, and a vibrator in a plate of chicken. I don’t even want to think about it. I also have to say it. I have gotten my drink on in my day, but I have never trashed a place. Not once. And I’ve been to some wild parties and seedy bars. Ramona says she has to laugh or she’ll cry. She’s actually taking it better than I would. Leah says she doesn’t want to look outside, so Ramona goes outside. She says, not cool. In her interview, she says, talk about no respect. She yells for Dorinda and Sonja to get their asses down there. In her interview, Leah says, her memory is a little cloudy… Oh yeah, the tiki torches. She remembers getting mad at them.

Sonja brushes Marley’s hair, and Dorinda says, that’s her brush. Sonja says, sorry; she’s used to doing that. Ramona stomps upstairs, and they hide under the blanket. Ramona says she feels like getting the strap out like her father did. She asks what went on outside? and Dorinda says Ramona left her own party. Ramona says she’s on a mission to find a partner, and she got a date. Sonja says, there’s something new, and outs Leah for throwing a tiki torch, but admits she threw one too. Dorinda says she wasn’t a part of it. Ramona goes back down to the kitchen, which Leah has somehow miraculously cleaned up in a New York minute. Ramona says she was informed that Leah started the tiki fight. In Leah’s interview, she says sometimes she’s extra, and sometimes she drinks extra. She didn’t hurt anyone. Ramona asks her to at least pick up the torches. In her interview, Ramona says, Leah is no dumb cookie. She’d said she hadn’t done it, but cleaned up the kitchen so fast, Ramona can hardly be angry at her.

Ramona tells Dorinda, she’s never woken up to a kitchen looking like that, but Dorinda says she can’t expect her guests to clean at night. She hires help when she has guests, and Ramona should have stayed there. She could have initiated them all cleaning up together. Leah is surprised that Ramona left, having not noticed the night before. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she knows what it’s like. Ramona has cajones. She tells Ramona, karma’s a bitch, and tells Leah about Ramona ripping the lights off the bedroom walls in Dorinda’s house in the Berkshires. We flash back to that, and Dorinda saying she was horrified. Ramona says she was fine until she went outside. Leah says, it’s not that bad; she thinks the kitchen was worse.

Ramona and Dorinda go outside, and Dorinda agrees, saying, it’s ridiculous. It’s like a frat house. Leah says she takes responsibility for the torches. She felt like she was in Game of Thrones. Dorinda says she thought she was at the Playboy mansion. Dorinda wonders where Tinsley is, and we see her tucked into bed, the plate of leftover spaghetti next to her.

Next time, Sonja has a show at New York Fashion Week, Tinsley talks about her mother, and Leah thinks Sonja is full of sh*t and passive/aggressive.

👩🏼‍🍳 On Top Chef, in the Quickfire challenge, the chefs had to make a dish using flour, but not all purpose flour. This time, there would be no immunity, but to soften the blow, the winner would receive $5000. The guest judge was award winning chef and restaurateur Chris Bianco. I was shocked at flours I’d never heard of. Tapioca flour? Garbanzo bean flour? What? Bryan full of Malarkey went for a second try with ice cream, even though his first one was a disaster. The ice cream came out fine, but the donut that was supposed to go with it, never made it to the plate at all. Gregory was the winner, with some tapioca flour pancakes topped with maple syrup, although whatever he called them sounded fancier than that.

For the elimination challenge, in celebration of the 100th season of the L.A. Philharmonic, the chefs would be feeding Gustavo Dudamel, the L.A. Philharmonic’s conductor, and 60 members of his orchestra at Otium restaurant. The guest judge would be Timothy Collingwood, owner of Otium. The chefs chose knives from the five flavor profiles – salty, sweet, sour, bitter, and umami (savory). The chefs paired up, and their two flavor profiles had to make a cohesive dish together. It was going to be a double-elimination. For inspiration, the chefs went to the Walt Disney Concert Hall, where conductor Gustavo, who started his career when he was eleven (!), talked to them about how food was like art, and he liked the similarities between food and music.

It was back to work, and Lee Anne, who had the misfortune of being paired with full of Malarkey, said shopping with him was like shopping with monkeys on crack.

The judges were looking for the team who was true to the challenge, the flavor profile, and themselves. Melissa and Kevin were the winners with a salty and sweet cabbage thing. When it was time to decide who was going, and the judges talked among themselves, Padma looked as stern as I’ve ever seen her. Gail said two chefs would be going home for fantastic food, and it felt wrong. They’re now at that point, as happens in every competition, where everyone is good, and they have to get picky. Nini and Karen had to pack their knives and go for their umami and sour fish offering. In her interview, Karen said there wasn’t just a personal sadness, but a double layer of guilt. Nini said her curse was to be in a double elimination. Tom told them not to go just yet, as they were going right into Last Chance Kitchen. Thanks for the warning.

Next time, not only will the chefs be using a machete, Machete will be there when Danny Trejo (one of my favorites) is a guest.

🥜 Sometimes You Feel Like a Weekend…

We’ve gotten to that time in the week that feels weird for some of you right now. Tomorrow’s Friday, but it doesn’t have that buoyant feel it did not that long ago. That’s right, it wasn’t that long ago, it won’t be long now, and you’re still here. Relax. Stay safe, stay watching TV that’s not all news, and stay in your lane. Or not.

April 22, 2020 – Willow Tells Michael What She Saw, Summer Duds, Erika Lands Chicago & Not That Long


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Elizabeth comes by Mike’s room at Turning Woods, and says she misses Mike’s smile. She tells Sonny, she knows some days are better than others, and today was rough. She’s hoping the family and his surroundings will be a comfort. Sonny tells Mike to get some rest. When Mike is ready to talk, he’ll be there.

Willow goes to Charlie’s. She flashes back to finding Sasha and Chase together. She remembers telling Chase, when they thought she was pregnant, he said it would be a dream come true. He says, eventually, when they decide together. She says she thought they were on the same page, and he says, every waking moment, she’s consumed, and can’t let go. It’s like she got on the train, it left the station, and she never realized he got left behind. She goes into Charlies, and sees Michael there. He says he wanted it to be just the two of them without Diane. He loves Diane, but she’s a lawyer, and the last thing he wants is for Willow to feel uncomfortable. Willow remembers seeing Chase and Sasha kissing on the couch, and Sasha saying Willow wasn’t supposed to come home.

Chase and Sasha look at their wine glasses. She says, it’s not too late to go after Willow, and tell her the truth; they faked all this. They shoved it together, and it was stupid and crazy. Michael and Willow are the best things that have ever happened to them, and she’s so sorry. It might be awkward for a while, and maybe they can’t hang out together anymore, but they’ll have the people they love back. Chase says, it sounds amazing and awesome for them, but what about Michael and Willow? Does she think they’ll be happier with them, or together with Wiley?

Nina says Nelle is at work late, and Nelle says she wants to get it in while she can. She won’t be able to work nights when Wiley is living with her. Nina asks if Nelle isn’t getting ahead of herself, but Nelle says, it’s going to happen. As soon as she’s able, she wants to get a house. Something small, but sweet, with a picket fence, and a swing in the front yard. She always wanted that. Nina says, so did she.

Alexis meets Diane at the MetroCourt. She says she’s been looking forward to this all day,  and asks where Max is. Diane says he’s not joining them, and Alexis suggests they get a smaller table, but Diane says they still need a bigger one. Sam approaches the table, and Alexis says Diane set her up. Diane says, damn right she did, and Sam sits down.

Sonny tells Elizabeth that Mike took a fall today. The doctor said it was to be expected. Elizabeth says, that’s true with neurological disorders. Elizabeth asks if Mike is thirsty, and Sonny says he tried giving Mike some water, but he spit it out. Elizabeth asks if she can try. She puts a straw to Mike’s mouth, and asks him to take a sip. He doesn’t, and she says they’ll try again in a little bit. She has an idea, and puts some water on a washcloth. She dabs Mike’s lips with it, and then he sucks on it. She says, nice, right? She asks if he minds if she steals Sonny for a minute, and Sonny says he’ll be right back. They go into the hallway, and she asks when Mike started having a problem with drinking. Sonny says, it’s the first he’s seen Mike do that, but the staff said they were having problems getting him to eat yesterday. He assumed it was all the moving around. She says, people at this stage do better with a routine that’s not disruptive, but it seems to be more than that.

Sam tells Alexis, before she lays into Diane, this was her idea. She asked Diane to be here. Diane asks what Alexis thinks she’s doing, hiding from her daughter? Alexis says she’s not hiding, and that’s an aggressive word. Diane says she’s been with Alexis twice when she let calls from Sam go to voicemail. Alexis says she didn’t think it would be polite to answer, and Diane laughs. She says, complete avoidance. She can’t force Alexis to tell Sam what’s going on, but as Alexis’s bestie, she’s telling her that shutting her daughter out is hurting her, and she’s denying herself the support she desperately needs.

Chase tells Sasha, he can only speak his side; the Willow side. He fell in love with her the minute after he saw her, sitting in her car in the parking garage, in full-on tears. He couldn’t stop staring at her. We flash back to her wildly beeping the horn, and yelling that she’s being robbed, while he tries to tell her that he’s a cop; a detective. She tells him, listen, Sherlock, and threatens to run over him. He says, here’s his shield, showing her, and she asks if he thinks he’s Captain America. Chase tells Sasha, in all the time they’ve spent together, not once did Willow walk into a room and not take his breath away. Sasha asks why Willow was in tears when they met, and he says, she was crying over the baby she’d given up. He didn’t know at the time how fitting it was how they met. As deeply as he’s loved her this entire time, he knew her heart was with that child.

Michael tells Willow, whatever it is, they’ll fix it, but she says she has to tell him what’s going on. She doesn’t want to hurt him, but doesn’t want to lie to him either. He says he’s a big boy, and can handle whatever it is. She says, Chase and Sasha are having an affair. He says, what? He knows they’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, but did she just get that impression, or was there more to it? She says she got that impression when she came home and found them in each other’s arms. Michael wants to be clear, and says, she saw Sasha and Chase together? She says, on the couch, with his shirt off and hers unbuttoned. They weren’t having sex, but they were on their way. She’s sorry. He doesn’t understand. How and when? She says she asked the same thing. He says, and…? she says he’s not going to like the answer.

Diane asks if they’re just going to sit and look at each other. Alexis says, if it’s so important, you tell her. Diane says she’s not telling Sam. That doesn’t fix anything; only confronting it does. Diane starts to get up, but Alexis tells her to sit back down. She set up this half-assed intervention; she’s going to stay for the fallout. Sam asks, what’s going on? and Alexis says she had a drink.

Nina tells Nelle, she wanted a swing when she was little. Nelle says Nina lived in Manhattan, and Nina says that’s why she didn’t get one. Her parents set up an elaborate swing set in the Hamptons. Nelle says, that sounds nice, but Nina says, it’s not what she wanted. What she desired was a simple wood swing hanging from a tree. It’s not about the swing, but what it represents; a family, cozy and happy and loving. It was a fantasy she dreamed up for herself. Nelle says she had the same dream from the other side. They moved a lot to crap rentals, mostly condos. They all have a play area; sunbaked, cracked, and broken, not like what she’d dreamed. She never got her fairytale, so she’s going to make damn sure her son gets his.

Willow says she thinks it’s a combination of things. She’ll start at the beginning, or where she thinks is the beginning. Around Thanksgiving, she thought she was pregnant. It was only for a couple of days, but looking back, Chase had a different reaction than she did. He was wonderful and supportive, talking about someday kids. Michael says, but not today, and Willow says, when they thought it might be a reality, she could tell Chase was freaked out. In a sweet, loving way, but she understands. They hadn’t talked about kids, or even marriage. She thinks Chase was unsettled by it, and didn’t tell her because of the Wiley situation. Now, looking back, she guesses she didn’t notice where he was in life – or wasn’t. He wanted something less complicated, less lifetime commitment. He just wasn’t there. Michael flashes back to telling Sasha that he doesn’t expect her to be instamom, and her saying, obviously Wiley comes first. As for them, they’re good, and they’ll take it as it comes. They’ll figure out the Wiley part later. He tells Willow, Sasha wasn’t there either.  

Chase tells Sasha, by the time Willow realized her baby died, it didn’t matter. Not that it didn’t matter, but… Sasha knows what he means. Willow already loved Wiley, and thought of him as her own. Chase says he thinks Willow could be happy without Wiley, but if Wiley was ever hurting or suffering, and it was within Willow’s power to stop it, he doesn’t think she could live with that. For him, the best way to love her – and he does – is to tell this lie and let her go. Sasha says, what if he’s wrong?

Elizabeth tells Sonny, in cases like Mike’s, his literally memory is fading, but his body is struggling to remember how to work. Has he discussed palliative care with the doctors? Sonny says Mike isn’t ready for end of life care, but she says, it’s more like an extra layer of support. It can easily be done there; Mike doesn’t have to move. They’ll have a team of people, experienced in Mike’s condition. She thinks it would be helpful for all of them. He says, just when you think you’ve got a handle on the disease, it gets worse. She says that’s why she thinks it’s important that both he and Mike have support. They can answer any questions, and talk through the options. He gets the feeling Elizabeth has something specific in mind, and she says she couldn’t help but notice Mike has no DNR in place. At this point, she thinks he needs one.

Sam asks Alexis when this happened, and Alexis says when Sam left the bar, but… Sam says she’s so sorry. She should never have unloaded like that; it’s her fault. Alexis says that’s not the reason she had a drink. There were a lot of things weighing on her mind. It had nothing to do with Sam. Sam asks, what kind of things? and Alexis says, when she was in New York to testify at Neil’s hearing, they slept together. Diane says, what now? and Alexis says, she had sex with Neil. Diane says, she had sex with Neil? and Sam repeats, she had sex with Neil? Sam says, Alexis told her that they had no personal relationship, and Alexis says, when she agreed to testify, they didn’t. Diane says, hypothetically, sneaking around after what was certainly an amazing night with Neil, Alexis was far too wise to go down to the review board. Alexis says that’s exactly what she did; she lied. Sam says, under oath? and Alexis says, yep.

Nina tells Nelle, by no means does she have to stay, but if the copy she’s looking for comes, can Nelle run it to her? She’s meeting Jax at the MetroCourt bar. Nelle says, no problem, and Nina says she was thinking about what Nelle said. She’s sure Nelle and Michael want the same thing. Doesn’t Nelle think there’s some way to have a meeting of the minds? Watching Lulu and Valentin go at it, she can see they’ve lost sight of what’s best for their daughter. Nelle tells her, explain that to Michael. She tried. She’d love nothing more than to co-parent, but when she’s brought it up, she gets a lecture on how evil and toxic she is. He doesn’t see her love for Wiley. All he sees is an endless list of her perceived wrongs. Nina asks if it’s unjustified, and Nelle says she knows she’s made mistakes, but she wants to do and be better for Wiley. Nina is lucky that she can leave the past in the past. Nina says she’s very fortunate. If she can offer one piece of advice… if the opportunity for compromise presents itself, take it. She tells Nelle, don’t work too late, and leaves.

Sasha asks if she and Chase aren’t basically playing God, getting together to steer Willow and Michael, as if they can’t figure it out for themselves and decide what they should do. Chase says he thought they talked about it, and she says she was a 100% willing participant, but now that they’ve actually done it… He says he knows, and Sasha says, what if Michael and Willow blame each other, or end up hating each other, or some other terrible thing happens to make it not work out? Chase asks if she really thinks that’s a possibility, and she says what she thinks is that Michael and Willow are going to get married, because that’s what Wiley needs. She thinks they’ll do their best to be kind and supportive for the sake of the child. And she thinks before Wiley’s third birthday, or maybe sooner, Willow will be madly in love with Michael, and be the happiest woman on the face of the earth. She cries.

Michael tells Willow, everything changed when he found out Wiley was his son. She says, of course (🍷) it did. He says, Wiley came first, and Sasha was incredible about it; caring and supportive. Willow says, but… and he says, she made it clear that she was in no place to be a mom. Willow says, which, like Chase, is understandable. Michael says, she’d put the drama behind her and was on the brink of a new career she was excited about. She didn’t want an instant family, but made it clear nothing had to change. They defined the rules. She was fine with it in theory, but then Nelle showed up. Sasha stepped up, but like Chase, she was telling him what he needed to hear. Playing a part. Not that he was paying attention to what she would have told him, but she could tell Chase.

Elizabeth tells Mike, she’ll visit soon, and hopes today gets better. Mike says, he’s so tired, and she says she’s sure. It’s okay. Close his eyes, and rest. Sonny thanks her for visiting, and she says, of course (🍷). She tells him, think about what she said, and he says he will. They hug, and she leaves. Mike sleeps.

Diane says, all is not lost, and Sam says, it’s not? Diane says, not that she’s ever a fan of perjury, but as long as no one knows, and they were discreet… Alexis says, Britt knows. She saw them at the hotel; she was there the same night. Diane asks how it came up, and Alexis says the night she had the drink, she was trying to reach someone for a ride, and called Julian. He thought she drank because of Neil, and his snitch of a girlfriend told him that she and Neil slept together. Then Julian took it upon himself to attack Neil at the hospital, screaming at the top of his lungs that they’d slept together. Diane says, it gets better, and Alexis says, it’s out. Diane asks if Neil has heard from the medical review board, but Alexis says, not that she knows of. Diane says, hopefully, it will just go away, but she’s asking Alexis, please, go to a meeting and work on her sobriety. She thinks it’s going to be a bumpy night ahead. Alexis says, good idea, and Sam says she’ll drive. Alexis thanks Diane for being her good friend. Diane says, her pleasure, but let’s not ever do this again.

Michael says, he was so fixated on Wiley’s medical crisis. Willow says he doesn’t know the half of it. She didn’t tell him, she was so crazed went charging to Nina’s office, asking her to run an article in Crimson about how toxic Nelle is. She thinks Chase and Sasha are genuinely trying to be supportive, but Michael says, that’s got nothing to do with where Sasha and Chase were. Willow says, Chase isn’t grieving a child, like she is, and Sasha isn’t an overnight parent, like Michael. They’re onlookers, and the only people they could turn to were each other. Michael says, he can see it. They felt hurt, mad, frustrated, and one or both of them had too many drinks. Willow is sure once it started, it was something between them that they shared, that she and Michael couldn’t understand. He says, there are a million better ways to handle it than they did. He tells Willow, come on, and she asks where they’re going. He says she can’t go back to Chase. He’ll arrange a room at the MetroCourt. She says she should say no, and Michael says, they can’t be the friends who say what the other should hear. They’re not like Chase and Sasha. They say what they mean. She thanks him, and they leave.

Sasha tells Chase, she doesn’t think she realized how much she loved Michael until now. She was happy and things were great, but now that it’s over, he means more to her than she realized. Chase asks if she regrets it, but she says, no. She’s going to miss him though. Chase says she didn’t understand how much she loved Michael until now, but he knew how much he loved Willow all along. Sasha asks, which is worse? and he says he honestly doesn’t know.

Nina waits at the MetroCourt, and Willow approaches. She asks if Willow is okay, and Willow says she is, but Nina asks if she’s sure. Willow says she doesn’t know if Nina remembers, but when Willow asked about publishing an article about Nelle, Nina pointed out something. That it wasn’t her place to arrange Michael’s defense; she’s too close. The custody fight isn’t hers. Nina was right. Just not in the way she thought.

The doorknob on Chase’s apartment jiggles, and Michael tells Chase, open the door. Chase asks if Sasha is ready for this, and she says, no. He lets Michael in, and Michael sees Sasha. He says, wow. He didn’t think she’d still be there. He thought he’d talk to Chase, but now he can kill two birds with one stone. Just one question. Chase says, just one? and Michael says he’ll start with this one. How long this been going on?

Nelle looks through the files on Nelle’s desk, and moves the necklace out of the way. She finds the papers she wants, and leaves with it, not noticing what’s in the jewelry box.

Mike looks at Sonny, and Sonny asks how he’s feeling. He didn’t eat yesterday, so Sonny had something sent over, a surprise. Olivia’s manicotti. He tells Mike to smell it, and Mike closes his eyes, and sniffs. Sonny says, smells amazing, right? Don’t tell Olivia, but he thinks it’s almost as good as his. Mike says, almost. Sonny asks if he’ll have a bite to eat. Just one bite; nothing crazy.

Sonny opens the manicotti, and says it reminds him of the old neighborhood. Mike will love it. He holds out a spoonful, but Mike doesn’t respond. Sonny says, he’s got to eat. Please. Mike looks at him, and sniffs it. He says, smells like home, and Sonny says, it does smell like home. Here you go. He puts the spoon in Mike’s mouth.

Nina asks Willow how she’s right, and Willow says, never mind. She shouldn’t be talking about this. She’s so all over the place. Nina says her track record with Willow isn’t great, and she’s not trying to pry, but clearly something is bothering her. So if there’s anything Nina can do, even just listen. Does Willow want her to call Chase? Willow says, Chase is the last person she should call. Nina asks, why? and Willow says, because she just found out Chase and Sasha are having an affair. Nelle overhears.

Sasha tells Michael, she and Chase ran into each other at The Floating Rib when Michael was meeting Diane, and decided to grab a drink. Michael says he has a feeling they grabbed more than that, and she says they were feeling shut out and commiserating. They didn’t want to hurt Michael or Willow, but didn’t know how to tell them. Michael says he’s sorry he didn’t pick up on the cues. Sasha says it was wrong, but she can’t stand watching him hate her. She leaves, and Chase says, however bad they screwed up, it’s not that they didn’t care. Michael says, that’s for them to deal with, but how the hell could he do that to Willow? He’s heartbroken, and it kills him that Sasha would do that to him; that Chase would do that. But he’ll survive. He’s been through worse, but Willow is different. She believed in Chase as much as anyone could believe in someone. She trusted him with her heart, and deserves better. He destroyed something precious. He says he knows he contributed too. He leaned too hard and too often on Willow, but he’d never treat her the way Chase did, and he’s going to make damn sure it never happens again. He pushes Chase, and walks out. When he’s gone, Chase cries.

Tomorrow, Alexis asks Neil what’s next for them, Jordan has a good idea what Cyrus is planning, Laura tells Cyrus that she’s done all her homework on him, and Sonny asks Carly if she wants him to just let his father die.

🤽🏼‍♂️ About Summer House – I know, I know. I always only give one comment about this show, that the people are still awful. BTW, they still are. The guys are sleazeballs, and the girls are idiots. It’s not that I forget how awful they are, and watch it again, as I’ve done with other shows, like any incarnation of Jersey Shore, or Real World in its later years. A span of time would go by, and I’d forget why I stopped watching. Then I’d watch again, remember why I stopped watching, and stop watching again. This is different though. I guess I have some kind of horrible fascination with this show. Or maybe I want to be sure if I ever need an investment banker, or whatever it is they do, it isn’t one of them. Although they seem interchangeable. There’s a Kyle and Carl, which doesn’t help, and Kyle – at least I think it’s Kyle – has a doppelganger this season. Are they brothers? I don’t pay enough attention to know. I also constantly wonder, how is it at their age (mostly mid-30s), they’re still summering together in the Hamptons, and acting like it’s Delta house? Is this some weird latent extension of college life? What is this?

💎 Still on the fence about giving The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills my full attention. I’ll never forgive them for driving LVP away, but I can’t wait for Brandi to screw her friend (literally and figuratively) over. Sadly, it has to be Denise, who I’ve loved since It’s Complicated. I wasn’t pleased with her minor involvement with taking LVP down, last season, but she seems like a decent person. I was also disappointed that she had a friendship with Brandi, but there you go. That went well. I wouldn’t trust that one as far as I could throw the amount of fillers pumped into her face.

Dorit has a new house; 9,000 square feet. We found out it was only in her name, which she seemed to think was common. I assume they’re talking about the mortgage, not the deed, which probably means they used only her credit score, alluding to PK’s bankruptcy. There was a lot of blah-blah-blah lawsuit, and an interviewer trying to ask her questions about it at an event. In an odd change of format, during interviews, we heard the producers asking the questions. While they do that once in a while, we don’t normally hear that side of the script. Maybe they’re trying to put a new spin on it? Garcelle also got a new house, a measly 3200 square feet. We got a little background on Garcelle, who’d thought ex-husband Mike was her last stop. Instead, she found out he’d been having an affair for the past five years.

LisaR’s Amelia was in NYC going to the New School, but having panic attacks and anxiety. She’d posted on Instagram about having a fear of growing up. Teddi said she’d reached out to Amelia, but maybe LisaR’s kids shouldn’t be so open on their social media. Truth! Teddi also invited the women on a retreat, a day and a half of health and fitness fun. In her usual way of begging for people to come, she kept saying she didn’t give a flying if they came or not. Erika said it was a disaster waiting to happen, and I tend to agree. In her interviews, Erika talked about Tom being older, and said she was tired of justifying her twenty-year marriage. She also got her Actor’s Equity contract to play Roxie Hart in Chicago on Broadway. There were some tender moments between her and Tom, and it’s clear she really loves and is thankful for him. She said, the same girl who worked at Shakers was now on Broadway, and actually seemed like a human being in this episode.

Kyle had dinner with Sutton, who I’m not sure about. She told Kyle that she felt like Rumpelstiltskin because she’d just woken up, mixing up her fairytales or legends or whatever, since that’s Rip van Winkle. I guess she never watched Once Upon a Time either. Charlie Sheen filed papers with the court, saying he didn’t want to pay Denise child support, even though he hadn’t paid in forever, and she’d never said a word. Denise also had some serious surgery. A hernia that turned into four hernias, and a six-hour operation, instead of the one and a half she’d been told. She figured the injury was most likely from lifting her special needs child, but she came through fine, albeit in pain. LisaR’s advice: take the pills. Sutton also opened her own boutique, something she’d wanted to do for a long time. The women were in attendance, except for Denise, who was still recovering. In Sutton’s interview, she said she didn’t need to make money, but thought it would be cool if she did. The mayor of WeHo made a speech, and Sutton griped to him about her parking tickets. Because, why not? Teddi carried on about how their coming to the retreat wouldn’t affect her, and I thought it would serve her right if none of them showed up.

Next time, Teddi tries to be chill, and people are following Aaron and Denise

🐪 You Are Here…

How long has it been now? A year? Two? What do you mean, it’s more like a month? You’ve made it this far, you’ll get there. This isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, or some athletic metaphor. In the meantime, stay safe, stay home, and stay out of trouble, whatever that means to you.

April 21, 2020 – Jason Cancels the Meeting, the Witches Launch a Potion, Alex’s Secret Is Out & Queen Prophecy


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Well, I was here on time, but ABC wasn’t. The governor was talking, and the finally showed an alternate channel. Once again, I scramble for the remote. I didn’t miss much. The main thing is Willow walking in on Sasha and Chase. Sasha has apparently jetted to the bedroom while Willow confronts her boyfriend. Cyrus has also come into Charlie’s.

At the Metro Court, Lulu tells Laura, Charlotte doesn’t see Valentin for who he is or what he does.

Valentin asks Charlotte if she knows what exaggeration is. She says, it’s kind of a lie, and Valentin says he doesn’t care for Ava, but it would be an exaggeration to say she was his enemy. She says it’s not what he said; it’s what he did.

Josslyn walks into the hospital, and Michael asks what she’s doing there. She says, Tony brought her after volleyball practice. She heard Wiley has to stay another night, so she brought Michael a snack that’s healthy and nutritious. She hands him a smoothie, and says, it’s blueberries with a protein boost. He asks if she’s sure; she likes to add things like seaweed. She swears it’s just fresh fruit and almond milk, and he says he’s trusting her. He takes a sip, and says, it’s good. She says she’s also there to show her support, and asks if he’s nervous about the custody hearing. He asks if she wants the truth, and she says, no, cover for her, like he did when she was little. He says he feels like he made a big mistake. He pushed Diane for an early hearing date. Now he wishes he’d put it off as long as possible.

Chase tells Willow, no one was supposed to get hurt. She doesn’t know what to say, and he says, sorry. Does she think he wanted that to happen? She asks why it did, and he says it was supposed to be them in love. None of this was supposed to happen. She asks how it did then. How did it go from two people so in love? He says it was two people in love, and then it was him in love with her, and her totally focused on Wiley.

Michael says he’s freaked out, and Josslyn says, Wiley just had surgery, but he says he’s still freaked out. Josslyn says it was terrifying, but Wiley got through it fine. Michael says that’s because their mom forged Nelle’s signature, and locked Nelle on the roof. She says, go, mom, and he asks if she would have done the same. She says, of course (🍷). Wiley needed the surgery to be more comfortable, and to improve his quality of life. The doctors also got a more accurate picture of his prognosis. A night on the roof is kinder than Nelle deserves. He asks if it ever scares Josslyn how much she’s like their mom, and she says he’s scarier than the both of them put together. She and Carly react in the moment, and think on their feet. They take big, and seemingly stupid, chances; sometimes they pay off, sometimes they don’t. They’re improvisors, but he thinks in advance. He convinces people that he’s a pushover, while he finds their weak spots, and plans a strategy. He says, what good is a strategy if he can’t follow it? and she asks what strategy he’s talking about.

Carly tells Jason, he needs to make the meeting, but Jason says Sonny wants him there. She says the place is like a fortress. Him being there won’t make a difference, and Sonny can’t think straight right now. He says, all the more reason to do what Sonny wants.

Cyrus tells Julian, Charlie’s is a quaint place; it has personality and charm. Julian says the previous owner had no sense of character, and Cyrus says he heard Charlie was a character himself; a bit of a player. Julian says he wouldn’t know, and Cyrus is surprised. He was under the impression that Charlie and Julian were in the same business. Julian’s reputation precedes him. Julian says, as does Cyrus’s. He’s heard a lot about Cyrus. Cyrus says, then Julian knows he was exonerated. Julian says he read the evidence was fabricated, but he didn’t read the word exoneration. Cyrus says, fake news, and Julian says he’s sure Cyrus is well aware he was in the media game. Fake news is a very specific thing, not just a story where the facts aren’t straight, and it’s not a lie. It’s disinformation created to cause outrage and skew public opinion. Is Cyrus saying he’s the target of a smear campaign? Cyrus says, it’s quite a burden to carry the weight of falsehood brought about by another. Julian says he knows all about that.

Laura says she thought Lulu was going to have an open mind when she encouraged Valentin to visit. Lulu says she already regrets it. She can’t ask Valentin to leave or Charlotte will be upset. Laura says Lulu has to practice tolerance, but Lulu says, it has its limits. She gave Maxie her blessing about working at Deception, but Maxie would have convinced herself it would work out even if Valentin threatened to bring back poodle skirts. I fail to see how that’s a bad thing, but okay. Laura says, Valentin is part of Maxie’s life and Lulu has accepted it. Does she think she can do the same thing with Charlotte?

Valentin asks what Charlotte thinks he did, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. He says she obviously thinks he did a bad thing, and she says she saw him. He says, saw him what? and she says she saw what he did to Ava. She saw him push Ava off the roof.

Laura asks Lulu to discuss the situation. The arrangement they have is working for Charlotte. Lulu says, it’s not working for her. Valentin shot Nikolas. He survived, but it was no thanks to Valentin. Valentin is a liar and a manipulator, and spoils Charlotte rotten. He indulges Charlotte’s worse impulses. She doesn’t understand why Laura is advocating for him. Laura says, she’s not, and Lulu knows it. Lulu asks what she calls it then, and Laura says she’d call it advocating for Charlotte.

Valentin doesn’t know what Charlotte thought she saw, but she’s mistaken. She tells him, don’t lie to her. She came outside to show her mommy the moon, and saw Ava. She saw him grab Ava’s arm. Ava backed up, he pushed her, and she fell. Valentin asks why she didn’t say something before, and she says she didn’t want him to worry. She didn’t want to let it get in the way of his happily ever after. They deserve to be together. She, Valentin, and Nina deserve to be a family.

Willow asks Chase how this is about Wiley. When they thought Willow was pregnant, they talked about what they would mean, and he said he’d support her. She thought they were on the same page. He says, practically every waking moment, she’s consumed with one baby thing or another. She can’t let it go. She got on the train, the train left the station, and she didn’t even realize he got left behind.

Carly tells Jason that he has to meet with Cyrus, but he tells her, Sonny said wait, so he’s going to. Carly says, it’s obviously an important meeting, but Sonny thinks Mike is more important. Sonny is grieving Mike, and navigating a difficult situation. He doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle Cyrus on top of it. It’s up to Jason

Cyrus says he sorry he and Julian didn’t meet until now, and Julian says, prison is a bitch on your social life. Cyrus laughs, and says he’s out now. They should get to know each other. Maybe it’s an opportunity for collaboration. Julian says he’s got his hands full with Charlie’s, and Cyrus suggests a fellowship then. He could use Julian as a guide in Port Charles, and learn the ins and outs. Julian says he bets Sonny could give Cyrus a crash course. Cyrus laughs again. His phone rings. It’s Jason, who says, the meeting is off.

At Turning Woods, Brook tells Sonny, she brought meatballs, but Mike isn’t doing well. Sonny says, Mike had a seizure. He hasn’t spoken to the doctor yet, but he wants to see Mike. He looks in, and Mike is lying in bed, half-sleeping. The doctor comes by, and Sonny says he was told on the phone, it was a seizure, but are they sure it wasn’t a fall? Maybe Mike tried get up. The doctor says, Mike was seated. It was movie night, and Mike was watching the film. He was seated when it happened. An aide witnessed the episode, and his accounting lines up with a seizure. Sonny asks how bad it is, and the doctor says, Mike was knocked around, but there’s no permanent damage. Sonny says Mike never had a seizure before, and has no history of them, but the doctor says it’s a neurological effect that’s linked with late stage Alzheimer’s. Sonny asks what the tests say, and the doctor says they haven’t done any. Sonny wonders what they’re waiting for, and the doctor says, it might be difficult. Sonny says, it’s just a scan, but the doctor says there’s prep, and the machinery might be off-putting to Mike. Sonny asks if he’s saying it’s too much trouble, and Brook says, he’s saying the test might upset Mike. The doctor says they can treat the symptoms, but identification might not improve Mike’s quality of life. Sonny says, the life Mike has left, and Brook says she doesn’t think that’s what he meant. Sonny wants to see Mike for himself.

Sonny goes into Mike’s room, where a machine monitors his vitals. Sonny says, it’s him. Mike is going to be okay. Sonny is here, and he’s not going anywhere.

Cyrus says, how disappointing. He was looking forward to breaking bread with Sonny. He’s gone to so much trouble to set up the meeting. Jason says, plans change, and Cyrus says Jason isn’t suggesting their gathering lacks importance. It’s coming across as more than disrespectful. Jason says he’s just the messenger. The meeting is off. Cyrus says, tell Sonny he doesn’t appreciate… Hello? Julian asks if Cyrus would like something stronger.

Carly says Jason just hung up on Sonny’s rival. That could start a war. Jason says, he wouldn’t stop talking. Carly says there’s a better way to handle it, and he knows it. She walks out of the kitchen.

Lulu asks Laura why she’s even considering the idea that Valentin is worthy of a place in Charlotte’s life. Laura says, it’s not about worthiness. It’s a statement of fact that Valentin is Charlotte’s father, and was her sole parent for her first five years. There’s no way he can be ripped away without causing major emotional damage. Lulu says, because Charlotte loves him, and Laura says, yes. Lulu says, dogs love chocolate, but eating it kills them, which is just a bad example. Laura says, compromise is the right way to go, and Lulu asks why she should compromise with Valentin. Laura says, for starters, it looks like he’s changed for the better since he found out he’s Helena’s son. Lulu doesn’t know how to react. Now Valentin is a different kind of evil? Laura asks if she has to remind Lulu that she held a gun on Valentin, and Lulu says she wishes she was talking to that version of her mother. Laura says, she absolutely is. Valentin appears to have changed for the better. Lulu says, the bar for the most improved Cassadine is set really low, and Laura suggests Lulu take a look at her daughter. She’s been separated from her father for a month, but shows no signs of acclimating. Lulu is sorry if Charlotte doesn’t like it, but if keeping her from Valentin lessens the chance of Charlotte being kidnapped, what is she going to do? Laura asks what Lulu is going to do when Charlotte gets older and resents her, or worse? Lulu says she’d rather that than Charlotte not grow up at all.

Valentin tells Charlotte, he lost his temper, and did a terrible thing he never should have done. Charlotte says, Ava is mean and on Nikolas’s side, but Valentin says that doesn’t excuse what he did. She says, it does to her. Ava just got wet. You don’t die in the harbor in winter. Charlotte didn’t. Valentin says Charlotte should never have been involved; he’s sorry. She says, it’s not his fault. It’s Nikolas and Ava’s fault, and Sasha’s for lying, and mommy too. Lulu doesn’t like him, and didn’t want him happy with Nina. He’s going to fix it, right? He’s going to find a way to get Windymere back, and make Nina love him. Then they’ll have their happily ever after.

Michael tells Josslyn, Diane thinks he’d have a better chance for full custody if he was married to the right person. She asks if Diane has someone specific in mind, and he says, Willow. Josslyn can see that. Willow is great with Wiley. She’s generous and kind, and not fake like Nelle. And she’s beautiful. Not that it’s a major consideration, but it helps. Michael agrees, and Josslyn says, plus she already loves Wiley. Michael doubts Willow would care Wiley isn’t her biological son, and Josslyn says Avery isn’t their mom’s biological child, but Carly doesn’t love her any less. He’s not Sonny’s biological son, but it doesn’t make a difference. Michael says she’s right. Willow loves Wiley as much as when she thought he was her own. Josslyn asks, then what’s the problem?

Willow says, if Chase thought they wanted different things, he should have said so. He says he wasn’t going to ask her to stop loving Wiley or looking out for him. He just wanted a middle ground; some distance. But she couldn’t do it. She says, so instead of being honest, he had sex with Sasha? He says, actually it turns out they have a lot in common. They’re both on the sidelines of other people’s grief. She says she’s sorry her and Michael’s grief is inconvenient for them, and he says she just proved his point. Nothing they do is good enough; they’re always on the outside. It’s painfully obvious. She says, so he was going to keep cheating indefinitely? He asks what good it would have done to tell her. It just would have hurt her. She says it would have given them a fighting chance. In telling her right away, she would have been hurt and angry, but she would have understood. They could have chalked it up to a mistake, and fought through it, but he didn’t give them a shot. Now, it’s too late. He says she’s right. Maybe he should have done it differently, but he didn’t. Willow says, now, it’s over. Never in a million years did she think this could happen; that he’d do this. When he said he loved her, she thought he meant forever. He says he thought so too, and she guesses she didn’t know him at all. She takes her bag, and walks out. She cries in the hallway. Sasha quietly comes out of the bedroom. Chase smashes a glass against the wall, and says, dammit!

Lulu says she doesn’t know what sob story Valentin gave Laura, but it must have been a doozy. Laura says, give her some credit. Does Lulu think she can’t recognize a crisis of conscience, especially when Valentin comes crawling to her for help? She thinks that says something significant. Lulu thinks it says he’s desperate and on the run; willing to say anything to keep Charlotte in his life. His words don’t cut it. Valentin approaches them with Charlotte, and thanks Lulu for the visit. He asks if he can borrow Laura for a second. They walk into the hallway, and Lulu asks how Charlotte’s chat with her dad went. Charlotte says she thinks her papa is mad at her.

Laura tells Valentin, make it fast. Their little chats aren’t going over well with Lulu.

Mike wakes up, and Sonny asks how he’s feeling. He’s back in his room. He had some trouble on movie night, but everything is okay. Mike struggles, and Sonny tells him not to move. He asks if Mike wants to go for a walk, and get some fresh air. Mike tries to get up again, and Sonny deduces Mike has to go to the bathroom, and helps him out of bed, saying he’ll get a wheelchair. Brook asks if everything is okay, and Sonny asks her to get a nurse to help him to the chair.

Carly brings Donna into the kitchen. She says Donna is like her mother. She’s concluded Uncle Jason won’t listen to reason. Jason takes the baby, and says her mom just wants things done her way. Carly says, what Donna needs to understand, is that her Uncle Jason never listens to her about business, even though she’s right more than she’s not. Jason says her mom just wants to keep everybody safe. It’s all he wants too. They just disagree on how to make that happen.

Josslyn says if Michael and Willow both love Wiley – which they do – and getting married will keep Wiley safe from Nelle – which it will – why not go for it? Michael says he’s in love with Sasha for starters. Josslyn says, Sasha is totally cool. If he tells her, Josslyn is sure she’d be on board. He says he has and she is, but Willow isn’t. She’s in love with Chase, and he can’t ask her to end things to be with him indefinitely. She says, why doesn’t he ask Willow, and let her decide, but Michael says, it’s not fair to make her choose between helping Wiley and staying with the man she loves. He can’t do that to her.

Sasha asks Chase, what have we done?

Valentin says Laura despises him, and she says, for the most part. He says, nevertheless, she sticks by Charlotte, and knows what Charlotte needs. Laura hopes so, and he says she’s a good person. Charlotte needs her to learn right from wrong; she’s a steadying force. Laura says she’s tried to provide that all along. He tells her, what he’s trying to say is that Charlotte needs her to teach her to good. Clearly, he can’t do that.

Lulu tells Charlotte, whatever is going on, she’s sure Charlotte’s papa could never be mad at her. Charlotte says she doesn’t mean that, and Lulu says, of course (🍷) she does. Charlottes says, Lulu is always saying, tell the truth, but she doesn’t. She pretends to like Valentin, and when she thinks Charlotte can’t hear, she says how bad he is.

Julian gives Cyrus a drink on the house. Cyrus says, much obliged. Now that his evening has been freed up, and it appears to be between dinner and the late night rush, they should take the opportunity to become better acquainted.

Jason tells Donna, her mom is the smartest person he knows. Carly says he doesn’t mean that, but he says he does. He tells Donna, she has great instincts, and she’s ready to fight for the people she loves, but sometimes she doesn’t stop to think things through. If he ignores what her dad wants, and goes behind his back, it could be tougher for her dad, since he’s dealing with so much. He wants to give her dad what he needs, and knows that’s what her mom wants too.

Sonny thanks Brook for the assist, and she says, anything for her two best guys. Sonny asks if Mike heard that, but Brook tells Mike, save his voice for their duet. She thinks they should close the Nurses Ball. Sonny brings a cup of water to Mike’s lips. Mike sips it, and coughs. Sonny wipes Mike’s mouth, and tells Brook, it’s late. She should probably go. She says she has nowhere to be, and she’s happy to keep them company, but Sonny says he’s about to head out, and his dad is tired. Mike asks Sonny, is it over?

Lulu tells Charlotte, she and Charlotte’s dad disagree on a lot of things, but they both love her so much. Charlotte says she’s doing it again; pretending she likes him. Don’t pretend things are okay when they’re not. Pretending doesn’t help. It makes everything worse.

Laura says she never heard Valentin call his parenting skills into question. He says he doesn’t want to overthink it. Just promise she’ll take care of his daughter; instill in her conscience, generosity, and kindness. Will she do that? Laura says, of course (🍷) she will, and Valentin tells her, what he’s saying is, if Lulu decides to go ahead and petition the court for full custody, he’s not contesting it. Take care. He walks away, and Laura stands there with her mouth open.

Sonny tells Mike, he doesn’t understand, and Mike repeats, is it over? Sonny asks, is what over? The movie? Mike says, he means this whole thing, and Sonny says, the movie ended. He’s going to find out what movie it was, and have a private screening; just them. He’ll be right back. He sees Brook in the hallway, and says his dad gets like that. He kind of rolls with it. Brook says, Sonny doesn’t think Mike was talking about anything specific? Sonny says, no. He was just wondering… what movie it was.

Jason gives Donna back to Carly, who tells Donna to feel privileged. Jason doesn’t talk to anyone, and he was talking up a storm. He says he talks tell her, and she says, something else about her Uncle Jason. He’s not much of a talker, but he’s an incredible listener. He’s patient, and doesn’t judge. He’s incredibly loyal, and even when they disagree, and she doesn’t take his advice and does the opposite, when it blows up in her face, he always stands by her side. He’ll stand by Donna’s too. She knows Donna is going to be a perfect angel, and never break the rules or be defiant. Carly knows Donna would never do anything wrong, but in case she does, her Uncle Jason will always have her back. Jason says, like her mom has his.

Josslyn tells Michael, Wiley is so cute, how he falls asleep pulling his ear. He says she did the same thing; he looks like her. She says, it’s so weird. No one noticed the family resemblance; now you can’t miss it. He says they saw what they expected to see. That’s the worst thing about the custody hearing; the judge seeing what he expects. A poor mother separated from her child who deserves another chance. Josslyn says, he’ll see the facts too. Nelle’s file will be the first thing he sees, and there will be no contest. She pleaded guilty to murdering her fiancé. He says he has Claudia, but she says there was an infant involved, and he changed his life. Nelle didn’t. She tried to kill Michael the night Wiley was born, and that was only a year and a half ago. The facts are the facts, and they say he’s a way better parent. He says, maybe Diane should consult with her. She still thinks him marrying Willow would make a stronger case, but she wants Chase. She tells him not to waste his time wishing things were different. The way things are, are totally on his side. When it comes to the actual testimony, he’ll blow Nelle out of the water. Nelle is fake, and Willow is real, but he’s real too. He loves Wiley and wants what’s best for him, and that honesty rolls off him in waves. Him, plus the facts, are all the judge needs to make a right decision. He says, maybe she’s right. Maybe he didn’t need to drag Willow in to it after all.

Chase picks up the bottle, and tells Sasha, he got this from wine guy. He and Willow were supposed to have it tonight. They were doing this thing where they were learning and exploring different types of wine. He pours them both a glass, and says, now that that’s over, how about toast? She asks, to what? and he says, to hopefully, this all being worth it.

Tomorrow, Diane admits she set Alexis up, Willow tells Michael that Chase and Sasha are having an affair, and Sonny has the feeling Elizabeth has something specific in mind.

Vanderpump Rules

Bartending educator Cole gives SUR’s newer staff a lesson. In Dayna’s interview, she says, bartenders make more money than servers. Her mom was a bartender for thirty years, and she learned how to make a dirty martini when she was eight. It’s in her blood. Brett tells her that Max hooked up with a cocktail waitress at Lisa’s restaurant in Vegas. In her interview, Dayna says she thought absence made the heart grow fonder, but in Max’s case, it makes his d*ck grow harder.

Stassi combs her hair extensions. Beau puts on bangs, and says he’s Sia. Schwartz and Katie come by. Schwartz says he wouldn’t change one moment in Vegas, but Katie says she’d change one. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, they’re married. The paperwork was registered… In Katie’s interview, she says, there’s no proof. Schwartz says, you’d think after the first time, he’d have held onto the document, but he lost it again. Stassi says she’s done waiting for Beau’s ass to take the next step, so she’s going on her own to her GYN appointment. She wants to make sure everything is working. Katie asks if they’re trying to make a baby, and Stassi says they’re not not trying. In her interview, Stassi says she knows ten years from now, she and Beau will be married and have children. Going to an all-girls Catholic school made her realize the way she doesn’t want to live. No sex before marriage, and definitely not a baby. She wants to take the next step, whenever it is. Katie thought they had the perfect crew in Vegas. No slight to Kristen… Stassi says, she didn’t have to worry about Kristen overstepping boundaries. Kristen was pissed because Beau said Stassi was his number one priority. It triggers her from when Kristen hooked up with Jax. She lied for a long time. Beau says he’s still friends with her, but as a group, his priority is going to be Stassi. In Beau’s interview, he says he doesn’t want Stassi to be upset or uncomfortable. He wishes they could work things out. Schwartz says, unfortunately, they have a wine event tomorrow, and Katie says, the whole situation is unfortunate. Stassi no longer wants to do the wine business. Stassi says her heart hasn’t been in it for a while. In Stassi’s interview, she says they’re throwing a Witches of WeHo party to launch their Potion No. 2. If they were Destiney’s Child, she’s Beyonce, and she’s ready to leave. Katie says, it should be fine. Kristen picked up all the decorations; the banners, the cauldrons, and dry ice. It’s going to be fun; witchy pretty.

Kristen gets everything together. She says she’s proud of the brand they built. She did it with Katie and Stassi, from the ground up. But now, it’s all on her.

Dayna and Brett go to work. Puffy! Lisa comes in, and Peter grills Brett on mojitos. Lisa orders one goat cheese ball, since she’s going out to dinner. Peter gets it for her, but when he brings it over, she says, when she said one, she meant three. They must be amazing. I know Stassi is addicted to them. Scheana sits with Lisa, and Lisa asks if she doesn’t have any tables waiting. Scheana says she just clocked in, and wanted to speak to Lisa before she got tables. In other words, she wanted to be paid for the time it took to talk to Lisa. She tells Lisa that she had her egg retrieval surgery, and got seven. Lisa says, so she’s waiting for the right guy or time. Peter is a faithful old dog. Scheana says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. She’s having too much fun being single. Lisa thinks Scheana wants a relationship more than anything. Sometimes Lisa feels like they don’t get the true story with Scheana. In Scheana’s interview, she says, for a while, she said it didn’t bother her if a relationship ended; it only led to the next one. But at the end of the day, all of them hurt her, and screwed with her head and heart. Lisa asks, about Max… and Scheana says, he hooked up with baby Scheana over the weekend. She knows he has a type. Lisa says the only thing that matters is if Scheana feels hurt, but Scheana says the only way Max could hurt her would be by not being a good friend. He and Brett didn’t check on her after her surgery. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Scheana needs to know, you can’t expect that level of thoughtfulness from men who aren’t your husband, and you can’t expect that level of thoughtfulness from a man who is your husband. Peter suggests Scheana get to work, and Scheana says Lisa was trying to give her Peter’s sperm. Lisa says they’ve been floating around SUR for ten years.

Scheana visits Dayna, who says she has a new houseguest. We see a fish in a plastic container, and she says, it’s not going well. Maybe put it in a tank? Scheana shows Dayna her knee injury, and in Scheana’s interview she says she was enjoying her Sunday, and a guy came full speed into her on a scooter. She tells Dayna that she’s not supposed to be active for a while, and can’t go to Nightingale. She asks about Dayna’s birthday, and Dayna says, it was great. She had a moment about her mom. She put on Beatles records, and cried in the kitchen, then ate mac and cheese and hotdogs. Scheana says she hired a psychic as a birthday present for Dayna. She’d connected Scheana with her grandmother, and Scheana thought Dayna could connect with her mother. Dayna says, that’s a lot to spring on her. Scheana hasn’t lost a parent. Dayna tears up, and Scheana says, her mom has lost a parent, like that’s the same thing. In her interview, Scheana says she’s a gift giver. It’s her favorite part of Christmas. She wanted to bring Dayna a minute of happiness, and thought she could hear that her mom is proud of her. Scheana says her psychic can do it today, and Dayna says, is she here now? Scheana says, no. She just texted, and Scheana said she’d have to talk to Dayna first. Dayna says she’s sorry, but she can’t do it. In Dayna’s interview, she says she believes in psychics and communicating with the dead, but her mother’s death was the most traumatic thing in her life, and she’d want good energy and to be open to it. Scheana is a friend, but Dayna isn’t sharing intimate moments with her. Scheana dashes outside to tell psychic Shauna, it was too heavy of a surprise. Dayna wasn’t expecting it. Dayna hears them talking, and looks out. Shauna says Dayna can always call. Dayna goes downstairs, and calls Scheana over. She says it seems like Scheana was trying to spring this on her, but Scheana, who can never help but dig a hole deeper, says she just wanted Shauna to be available in case Dayna wanted to do it. Dayna asks if Shauna was supposed to be there; Scheana didn’t tell her Shauna was waiting. In her interview, Dayna says a good psychic could figure out the address, and what time. Scheana says maybe she should have talked to Dayna first. She leaves, and Dayna shakes her head.

Beau goes to Villa Rosa. Giggy! Puffy! He tells Lisa, he’s a wreck inside. He wants everything to be perfect. She asks what part of proposing in a graveyard wouldn’t be perfect? She’s offered him the patio for a light dinner afterwards, and champagne. In his interview, he says, have you seen this place? It’s friggin’ awesome. He’s going to surprise Stassi with the engagement, then surprise her with Lisa’s house. The others will be there too. Lisa says Stassi is going to be so excited and happy. Beau caught her at a good time in her life.

We join Stassi at her GYN appointment. Everything is normal. In her interview, she says she was never so happy to be called normal. She tells the doctor that he’s making pregnancy fun.

Lisa asks if Beau’s not inviting Kristen, but he doesn’t know. Lisa says naturally, the inclination is to not have her there, but she’s been an integral part of Stassi’s development. We flash back to the earlier years, and Lisa says they don’t want to look back and regret that she wasn’t there in a moment that can’t be recreated. Beau says he’ll see how the vibe is, and Lisa says, it’s a long table.

James, Raquel, Brett, Dayna, and Charli go to a club. In Charli’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to date Brett. He seems like he’d cry after sex, and get emotional. Brett asks James how it is being at the club sober. James says, it’s a different experience, since he’s been there before. Brett asks if it’s hard not drinking, but James says it’s making him stronger. In James’s interview, he says he would drink to reach an impossible destination. He asks Brett what’s happening with Dayna. Brett says, she’s a cool-ass girl, and James says they have great chemistry. In Brett’s interview, he says, it’s no secret he’s into Dayna. Now that Max was sinning in Sin City, there’s only one thing standing in the way. He has no idea why Danica wants to sabotage his situation. Usually, he’s the guy people want to set up with a friend because he’s a good guy. He asks to talk to Danica, and they step outside the crowd. He says she’s been talking to Dayna, telling her sh*t. She wonders why he’d be interested in hooking up with someone who’s hooked up with his friend. In Brett’s interview, he says, where he comes from, this is okay. A producer asks where he’s from, and he says, Jersey. I’m not sure what the big deal is. She’s not dating both of them at the same time. It’s like how on Below Deck Sailing Yacht, Adam is jealous because Jenna dated the same guy one of the other girls had dated a million years ago. It’s silly. Dayna joins them, and tells them about Scheana hiring the psychic, and how Scheana said she wasn’t there, but she was. Danica says, Scheana says one thing, but does another. She’s so worried about coming off a certain way. In her interview, Dayna says, Scheana lies all the time. She’s not honest. That’s how Brett felt about her too. She tells Danica, if you’re worried how the truth makes you look, you’re lying. Scheana makes people not like her. Brett asks if they can stop talking about her.

Lala and James meet at the studio, where music producer Sean2 is waiting. James is excited, and they make some new music. James says, it’s so Kanye. They take a break, and Lala says James sounds better. He says he’s made more music in the last month, than in the last six months. She says he seems happy, and he says he’s living his life. He realizes drinking was holding him back. She says she likes the way he’s talking. Now that he’s involved in a program – welcome. All the people in the room are inspiring, and that’s why she goes there. She tells him about waking up from a nightmare where she’d been drinking again. She started sweating, then realized it wasn’t real. James identifies, and says it’s trippy. He woke up from a dream feeling hungover. Lala says she never wants to feel like she’s living in the past, where things were said. She wants to move on. He says that’s cool of her. In his interview, James says, it was word vomit. He said things to hurt people feelings because  he was drunk. We flash back to some of that. Lala says she’s going to Farmhouse for the Witches of WeHo party. She can’t cut the tie between them, and wants to see James do well. They give each other a double high-five.

Brett demonstrates his bartending skills, and Dayna says it tastes delicious. Out back, Scheana messes with her phone. Dayna joins her, and asks how she is. She apologizes, saying she knew Scheana was going through sh*t, and Scheana says, it’s not fair. She’s ignored by good friends, people who don’t give her the same consideration. She’s over it. She had surgery, and no one cared. She’s putting effort into friendships where it’s not being reciprocated. In her interview, she says she feels taken for granted, and it’s frustrating. She puts effort into a friendship to the point where it’s embarrassing. She asks if Dayna is still upset, and wishes she’d told Dayna the psychic was there. Dayna says, it wasn’t appreciated, and it feels like a step forward, and two steps back for them. Scheana says, it was a miscommunication. Code for, I screwed up. Dayna asks why Scheana is starting to cry, and Scheana says she wanted to make Dayna smile. Dayna says she doesn’t want to keep having conversations like this. Let’s do better.

Kristen goes to Farmhouse, and asks if the wine is there. In her interview, she says she hasn’t seen or spoken to Katie or Stassi since before they went to Vegas. They’re there to promote the wine, and hopefully sell some, and keep their noses to the grindstone. She sets up, and meets bartender Landon. Stassi and Katie arrive, and in Kristen’s interview, she says she’s been busting her ass. Katie pops in and helps out, but she’s gotten nothing from Stassi, yet Stassi still gets paid. All she has to do is post something on her social media once in a while, but she can’t be bothered. They drink some rosé, and Stassi pointedly ignores Kristen, which seems really awkward.

Kayley, a reporter for US Weekly interviews the Witches. She asks what they argue about most. We flash back to them screeching at each other, and Kristen says, friend stuff. Not about business. In business, they agree on everything. We flash back to Stassi saying they always disagree, and this is why she doesn’t like working with other people. Their guests arrive, including the usual suspects. Tom tells Danica to congratulate Katie; she’s finally married. Danica says, officially? She asks if he’d like to do a softball competition between restaurants. Tom says, the losing team has to clean the other’s bar bathroom on their hands and knees with a toothbrush. Is he confusing this with a hazing? He says, it can just be the team captains, and she says Brett is her co-captain. In Tom’s interview, he says, TomTom has the best drinks, and the staff is full of all stars. He tells her, game on.

Dayna tells Max, she heard he made a new friend in Vegas, and he says, check? He says he heard she and Brett were making out at her party, and she says she thought he said it was dope. He says he was trying to play it cool, but he got frustrated. In Dayna’s interview, she admits it feels good that Max felt something about her kissing someone else, but he had his chance, and her life has to go on. She says she thought they both agreed it wasn’t an issue, and were moving TF on. In Max’s interview, he says he still wants to be friends with Dayna. Ariana tells Lala that she’s five glasses deep with the wine. Lala tells her about James, and says he looks great, and he’s in great spirits. She thinks he really gets it. In Lala’s interview, she says James was the first friend she made on her own there. He made her believe she was a bad-ass bitch. She’s getting that James back, but a better version. She tells Ariana, James is doing amazing. It’s still one day at a time for him. but if he keeps on this road, his potential is huge. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s seen James struggle, and in getting to know him, rooted for him. He and Lala have had a tumultuous friendship, but Lala always cared. It makes her happy that they’re reconnecting. Lala says they recorded a good song. It was the cherry on top.

In his interview, Beau says he’s proposing to Stassi tomorrow, and she has no idea. He asks her if the wine party turnout is good, and she says she doesn’t like working with friends. Beau suggests she could keep Kristen as a friend, but keep her at arm’s length. Stassi says, Kristen isn’t someone you can keep at arm’s length. Beau asks if she isn’t inviting Kristen to her birthday next year, and Stassi says she’s not interested in being friends with Kristen right now. Kristen is taking away from her life instead of adding to it. In her interview, Stassi wonders why she isn’t allowed to outgrow a friendship without everyone asking about it. The one person she expected to understand was Beau. WTF? Beau says he’s trying to process it, and Stassi starts to cry. She doesn’t know why it’s an issue. He says, it isn’t, and takes her hand. He tells her that he loves her, and he’s sorry.

Dayna tells the others about the bartending class. Lala tells Scheana that she heard Max banged Scheana squared. Tom tells Schwartz about the softball competition, and Scheana whines to Max about no one calling her. Kristen asks Beau if they’re still friends, and he says, of course. Maybe he won’t be giving her a big hug right now though. Stassi tells Katie she forgave Kristen for the worst thing, and she’s annoyed with Beau so hard. Kristen tells Beau, she’s known him longer, and asks if he’s not allowed to have friends if they’re not friends of Stassi’s. Beau says if Stassi is hurt or upset, he doesn’t want to make her more hurt or upset. Kristen asks if he’s afraid of Stassi, and he says, no. In his interview, Beau says he wants to make sure it’s the right decision. What if Stassi and Kristen make up, and Stassi looks back on it, and wishes Kristen was there? Beau is like the nicest, most thoughtful guy in the world.

Stassi goes over to Beau, and asks what the problem is. Kristen says the were talking friendships, and Stassi says, Beau is her boyfriend. Kristen strides off, saying this isn’t the place. In Kristen’s interview, she says she gets that Stassi wants to put an end to their friendship, but she’s there to promote a business. She’s not ruining all that because Stassi is insecure. Beau tells Stassi, if he hadn’t met Kristen, he wouldn’t have met any of them. Stassi says he doesn’t owe Kristen anything, and he says he’s just upset that a friendship is ending. He asks why she’s so affected, and she says she’s upset that he’s holding on to something weird. In Stassi’s interview, she says she and Beau are trying to start a life together, and the situation is giving her PTSD. We flash back to Kristen sleeping with Jax, twice, while he was Stassi’s boyfriend. She doesn’t want to deal with the 2013 psycho sh*t when she’s moving on. Stassi tells Beau she wants to go home. She feels embarrassed and weird. She can’t believe he’s doing this. Is she not his person? In his interview, Beau says he wants Stassi to be happy with him. He wants the proposal to be perfect. He spent all summer lying to her. In trying to make her happy, he’s making her miserable. He tells her that she’s yelling at him, and she says she doesn’t car, asking again if she’s not his effing person. She’s going. She storms out, and Beau says, WTF? Katie says, he knows how Stassi is. He says he needs Katie’s help. She says he needs something.

Next time, the softball game happens; Carter texts Beau, and says Beau and Stassi are cold-blooded; and Beau proposes.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian tells Alex, hold on. She says he raped her, but he says, no, he didn’t. He dresses quickly, and she asks why she’s there. He asks if she doesn’t remember. She came to his house, and drank half his alcohol. She says he drugged her, and he asks what’s the last thing she remembers? She says she doesn’t remember anything. Wait. They were at Natalie’s house, and he chased her out. He says he came out to talk to her. She was upset about Brad. She tries to leave, but he blocks her way. She grabs her shoes, and suddenly stops. He asks, what is it?

She says she can’t talk. What about her kids? She remembers… She leans against the wall, and she says she remembers telling him that she didn’t want them anymore. Ian says, or her marriage, or Brad, and she says, yes. She came onto him. She grabs her head, and Ian sits on a box. She apologizes, and says she’s so embarrassed. He tells her, that’s some crazy-ass sh*t to be blaming on somebody, and she says she’s sorry. She was out of it. She heads for the door, and outside, she pukes on the lawn. Randal sees, and Ian asks if she’s okay. Randal comes over, and Ian tells Alex to come in and sit down. She says she has to go home and check on the kids. She’s sorry. Randal comes across the street, and asks, what the hell is going on? He notes that Alex is in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday. Ian tells him, leave her alone, and Randal asks if she’s doing the walk of shame. Ian tells Randal to go back his house, and Randal says Ian just moved here. Shut the hell up. Ian says he’ll walk Alex home, and Randal asks Alex if Ian is her baby daddy. Ian tells him again to leave Alex alone, and says he can make Randal’s life difficult. Randal says his life is difficult every day, as we’d probably all answer. Randal asks Alex what she’s doing coming out of Ian’s house so early in the morning. She’d better answer. Ian tells Randal to mind his own business, and Randal says, this whore is his business. He tells Ian to go back in his house, and Ian says someone needs to kick Randal’s ass. Randal says he’d love to see that. Don’t let it be him right here. Randal moons Ian, and Ian walks Alex back to the other side of the street. Randal follows, and Ian tells him one more time to leave Alex alone. Ian faces Randal, and Alex gets in between them. She says, back up. Everybody go back to their own house, and leave her alone. As Randal walks away, he says, go kiss my ass; there it is, and he moons them again.

Alex goes into the house, and Brad asks where the hell she’s been. She says she has to get the kids to school, and starts to go upstairs. He says, they’re gone. Come back and talk to him – now. She asks where the babysitter is, and he says, gone. She called him late last night, wondering where Alex was; he had to relieve her. Alex says she’s here now, he can leave. He asks where she was, and she says, out. It’s none of his concern. He says his kids are his concern, and she says they were safe. He says, Chelsea had to leave, and she says she needs him to leave her alone; she doesn’t feel well. He asks what’s going on with her? Who was she with? Brian? Bob? Mark? Some other guy? She asks what he’s talking about, and he says he went through her laptop, and saw the dating site. She says, well… and he asks if that’s all she has to say. She says she’s not in the mood for this, and he says she was not only sleeping with Randal, there were other guys well. She says, this is over now. What does it matter? Brad says he loved her, and she says, okay. He says, that’s all she has to say? and she asks what he wants her to say. Marcie says Brad can’t hit Alex, but she can. Let her slap this bitch. Alex says she’s there now, so just get out of the way, and let her take care of her baby. Marcie says she and Brad are getting married, and Alex says, so? Good for her. Marcie says, good for her and Brad. She tells Brad, she’s sick of this whore. That’s another thing; she fed Alex’s baby. Alex says, okay. Want a cookie? Marcie says, she’s such a… and Alex says, what? Whatever is she is, she can have kids. Marcie says she’s going slap Alex into next week, and Alex laughs. She says, Marcie wants kids so bad, take him, and take the other two. She laughs, and says she’s done. She’s out of there. She’s done, and doesn’t want this; any of this. She never wanted this, and never wanted Brad. She hates the neighborhood, and being his wife. He says she could have told him before they got married. She says she couldn’t. She got hooked into everything he wanted. Marcie wants him? Take him. Take all of them. Give the kids up for adoption. She doesn’t care. Alex opens the door, and Brad says, come back. She walks out, and he follows.

Brad tells Alex to get back in the house, but she tells him, see what it’s like to do all this all by himself. She’s done. Tyrel watches from Kelly’s porch. Randal asks, what the hell is going on? What’s Marcie doing there? She says she’s there with her fiancé. Alex pulls out, and Brad tells Randal, he’s not in the mood for his crap. Randal says Brad’s ex was cheating on him with Ian. Brad says, get off his lawn, and Randal says, don’t get mad. Ask Ian. Brad says he doesn’t give a damn, and Randal says Ian might be the baby daddy. Marcie says, him or any other guy. Randal asks, what’s that supposed to mean? and she says he wasn’t the only one. Alex was screwing a lot of men. She went by the name of Jennifer Peppa. Look it up. Available day and night. Randal says she better be lying, and everyone goes to respective corners.

Tyrel calls to Natalie, asking if Lushion is still getting him in. She calls Lushion, who tells her, Kelly said he’s legit. Let him in, but she doesn’t want him to see Justice. She was clear about that. Natalie says, okay; does Tyrel know they have Justice? Lushion doesn’t know. What he does know is, don’t let him see Justice. He’ll see her at lunch. She tells Tyrel she’ll get the key. She comes back out, and tells him, sorry, but he says, it’s all good. She lets him into the house, and he says, it’s really nice. She asks where he stayed last night, and he says, an all-night coffee shop at the bus station. She apologizes, and says, Lushion likes to be on top of things. Tyrel says he gets it. He’s glad a cop lives next door. He asks where Justice is, and she says he’s staying with them. He asks what time school lets out; he wants to see Justice. Natalie says she’ll have to let Kelly know first. Tyrel says his mom told him what Kelly did to Travis. What happened? She says, Travis was bad news, and he asks if he and Kelly were dating, but she says he needs to talk to Kelly about that. He thanks her again, and Natalie leaves. He picks up his paper bag, and says, wow. Home. He looks around.

Randal gets on his laptop. He says, she was dating everybody. Jerome, TJ, Brock, Ryan, Derrick, Steven, Mark, Chris, Brian, Josiah, Larry; going east now, Jane, Joel. He closes the laptop and sits back in his chair.

In jail, Eddie yells, and Kelly tells him, shut up. He tells her, shut the hell up. Lushion comes by, and asks what Eddie is doing there. Eddie says Lushion’s got to get him out. Damn Steven. He woke up in there; Steven played a game on him. Lushion laughs, and says, sorry, but Eddie should hear himself. Eddie asks if Lushion thinks he did this. Steven set him up. Lushion says it looks like a good day to be in there. Eddie’s got no home, and he’ll get two hot meals and a cot. Eddies says, get him out, and Lushion asks, what happened? Eddies says, nothing. He woke up in a toga party. Kelly says, he was drunk, and he says, shut her ass up. Lushion starts to walk toward Kelly’s cell, and Kelly says, they got him on a DUI. Eddie says, trumped up charges. Lushion says he doesn’t care, but when he gets a second, he’ll talk to Steven. Eddie says, get him out, and Lushion says he’ll see what he can do. He goes to Kelly’s cell, and Eddie says, that’s messed up.

Lushion tells Kelly, he’s on his way to see the DA. She says she’s got information, but he says he doesn’t want to take it. He doesn’t want the DA to find out where he got it from. A lawyer will come to see her. She shows him the Bible with the photos inside, and Eddie says, she ain’t supposed to have that. She tells him, shut up, and he says, shut her ass up. He wants to get out. Lushion tells him, then shut the hell up. Lushion looks through the phots, and gives them back to Kelly. She asks what the plan is, and he says a public defender is going to come see her. She says, that kid? Does Lushion think he can get it done? He looked so scared, like a deer in headlights. Lushion says, let them work on it. He also talked to Rick, who came up with some good information. She thanks him, and he says he’s with her. She’s not alone. He’ll see her later. He squeezes her hand, and Eddie says Lushion is just leaving him in there? Lushion shrugs, and Kelly laughs. Lushion walks past Eddie’s cell, and says it looks good on him.

Esperanza walks into the office with Steven. She thanks him for the coffee, and for being there for her. She appreciates it. She asks how long they can keep Eddie, and he says, the paperwork may have gotten lost. She says, and he had nothing to do with it? Have it his way. Lushion comes in, and Esperanza says she has to go to work. Lushion says he wants to talk to both of them. How did Eddie end up in there? Steven says he arrested Eddie on a DUI. Lushion tells him, that’s not what it says in the report; what happened? Steven says he was driving drunk. Lushion looks at Esperanza, and Steven says, she wasn’t there. Esperanza says Eddie got drunk and came to her house. Lushion says, she can’t lie, and she confirms that. Lushion says they have to let him out. Steven didn’t see Eddie driving. Steven says he doesn’t know that, but Lushion says, let him out, or Steven’s no better than he is. Lushion leaves, and Esperanza says, fine. Steven says she knows how pissed Eddie will be, and she says she’ll deal with it. He says they’re still on break. Let’s get more coffee.

Ian sits at his desk, sipping a drink, when Alex walks in, his assistant at her heels. He says, it’s okay, and Alex says, guess what? She walked out of her life. He says, okay… She says, it’s all because of him, but he says, sorry. He doesn’t see the correlation. She says, it’s a good thing. He asks if she’s still drinking, and she says, no, but she’s going to. She opens his desk drawer, and says, come on. He says, all right, and she sits on the desk. He tells her, it’s strong, but she says she’s good. It’s a celebration. She’s going to get a job. He says, that’s a good thing, and she says, how about she works there? He asks what she knows about the law, and she says, not a damn thing. He says, it’s probably not the best idea, and she says, he was really good last night. She doesn’t think she’s done yet, but he says, it’s not the place; he’s at work. She asks if he’s really turning her down, and he says, it’s not the place. She says, fine; be that way. She drains her drink, and he asks if he can call later, but she says by then, she’ll have found someone else to scratch this itch. She leaves, and his assistant tells him that Larry wants to see him. He says he’ll be right in. When she’s gone, he says, oh, man. Oh, man, indeed.

Ian goes into Larry’s office. He says he had a late crazy night, and Larry says, another floozy bites the dust? (Who uses the word floozy?) Ian says, something like that. Larry says, tell him more, but his intercom buzzes. He says, hold that thought. Larry’s assistant says, the DA is in the lobby, and Larry asks, why? She says the DA wants to talk to him about the Travis Kane case. Ian wonders why, and Larry says they’re about to find out. He tells his assistant to let her in. Ian says, this is awful, and Larry says, tell him about it. DA Linda comes in, and Larry asks, to what does he owe the pleasure? She says she knows his reputation in town far exceeds him, and he says he’s sure she’s up for reelection. He offers her a seat, and introduces Ian. She says she got a call from public defender Carl Adams. He said he’s defending Kelly, and that he has clear evidence that proves it was self-defense. Larry tells her, they all say that. She says he knows the outs and ins of the church. Is there anything she should know? Larry says, no. Kelly murdered Travis in cold blood. What more does she need? She says she doesn’t like surprises, and Larry says, there are none. Why is she afraid of this kid? She says, that’s not it, and he asks, what’s the problem. She says she told him; she doesn’t do surprises. He says, there are none. Prosecute to the fullest. She says she intends to, and Larry says, the family will be happy. Anything else? She says she just wanted to look at him, face to face, to get reassurance. He says she has it, and she leaves. When she’s gone, Larry tells Ian, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Interesting. Ian asks what he means, and Larry says he doesn’t like it. Ian says, it seems like a solid case, but Larry says, public defenders don’t go to the DA. Ian says he knows what they were like when they were young, but Larry says, something isn’t right. Get Carl in there. Ian says, he wants to discuss the case? and Larry says, Carl doesn’t have to know that. Just get his ass in there, and stop asking questions. When Larry is alone, he says, something is not right.

A guard tells Eddie, he’s free to go. Eddie says, it’s about damn time. He sees Kelly sitting on her cot, and asks if that’s her Bible. The guard says, let’s go, but Eddie says, she ain’t supposed to have it. Kelly asks what he’s talking about, and he tells her to give it to him. Hand it over. He tells the guard to take a walk; he’s got this. He tells Kelly, give him that Bible. She’s making his day. They’re going to keep stacking charges; resisting an officer, and keeping contraband. The Lord won’t mind her not having it. The Scripture should be written on the tablet of her heart. She yells for Lushion, and Eddie mimics her. He says Lushion’s not at the station, and tells the guard to open the cell door. Don’t give him that look; Eddie’s his superior. Kelly yells, no! and Eddie pulls the cell door open. She tries kicking him, but he takes the Bible. She begs him not to take it, and he asks, what happened to her telling him to shut up? She says she needs the Bible, and he tells her, take her hands off of him. He looks inside, and says, lookee here. All these women Calvary Church paid off. He’s sure these women will pay good money for the evidence. Kelly begs again, and he says, now it’s please. What happened to shut up? She says she didn’t mean it, and he says, Eddie is going to do like she asked. Lock it up, and throw away the key. He heads down the hall, waving the Bible, and says, good luck with the murder charges, bitch. Praise Jesus. Kelly looks defeated.

Next time, Ian goes to see Lushion, Lushion shakes down Eddie, Alex rides a mechanical bull,  Randal tells Marcie that she’ll never walk down the aisle with Brad, and Brad tells the baby to breathe.

🌎 We Are the World…

Stay safe, flatten that curve, and save the earth. I know, it’s a lot.

April 20, 2020 – Forces Are Joined in Port Charles, Influencers on Deck, Cheri Live, Deckish News, Miami Story & High


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the beginning, so quickly, her are the highlights. Charlotte is at the MetroCourt with Laura and Lulu, while Ava and Nikolas sit at another table. Nikolas asked Charlotte if the kids were afraid of the snake, but she said they thought it was cool. Chase suggested Willow marry Michael, and said it was her decision, but if she decided not to, she had to step back and let Wiley be Michael’s problem. Anna called Robert, who told her business had called him away, while holding Spinelli against the door. Robert said Spinelli was looking for dirt on Peter. and wanted to know what Spinelli had uncovered so far. I was really disappointed we were shown no panic in the streets because of the snake.

Willow tells Chase, she can’t marry Michael because she’s in love with him, but she can’t step aside and let Wiley be Michael’s problem either. Wiley isn’t a problem; he’s a little boy, unique and wonderful. Seeing him grow and his personality take shape isn’t a problem; it’s a gift. Nelle can’t see that. She believes life has cheated her, and Wiley is her way to get even. That scares Willow as much as Wiley’s heart defect. In some ways, it scares her more.

Nikolas tells Charlotte, he’s sorry they got off on the wrong foot. He’d like to make it up to her. He might not be her secret bodyguard, but they’re still family. Charlotte says, it’s too bad he didn’t tell her that from the start, and turns her back. Ava tells Nikolas, the Borgias were family too, but they still poisoned each other. Nikolas doesn’t think the snake was poisonous, and she asks how he feels about tarantulas. Would he like to snuggle in a bed full of them?

Lulu tells Laura, she didn’t want to say anything in front of Charlotte, but what happened at Laura’s meeting with Valentin? Why did he reach out to Laura, and not her? We flash back to Laura telling Valentin that she deleted the text he’d sent, and came in Lulu’s place. Laura tells Lulu, he didn’t. She intercepted a text intended for Lulu. Lulu asks, why? and Laura says she didn’t want to give Valentin the opportunity to upset Lulu. As it turns out, she thinks Valentin wants the same things they all do; what’s best for Charlotte. Lulu says, Valentin was hoping that Laura would convince her to back off from her petition for full custody? but Laura says, no. It was clear Valentin didn’t plan to go through her. She inserted herself into the situation, and she’s glad she did.

Spinelli tells Robert, Peter and Maxie are going to come back forthwith, and they shouldn’t be there. Robert says Spinelli didn’t see the size of the party. He doubts it. Robert says, admit it; Spinelli is looking for something on Peter. Spinelli says, fine, but so is Robert. Peter is a potential threat to all they hold dear. Dare he say, including Robin’s kith and kin? Since they both want to see Peter get what’s coming to him, what say they stop the squabbling, and join forces?

Maxie says she thinks, as kids parties go, it was pretty successful; the cake, the bounce house, the pony… the goats. Anna says no one expected a snake to come out of Ava’s purse. Maxie thinks it was Nikolas. Everyone knows he and Ava aren’t happily married, but she’s surprised he would do that at a kids party. Peter says it looked like the kids were loving it, and Anna says that’s because Finn intervened before the kids could panic. Robert would have done the same, but he said he got called out to work, although she doubts that’s what it was. Peter flashes back to talking to someone on the phone about distracting Robert. Peter tells Anna, maybe the strain of getting along with him was too much. and Maxie says if it was too much to handle, she’s glad he had the good grace to leave. Peter says he’s just trying to protect Anna, and Anna says, they’re hard wired to protect those they love. Peter says, look at Spinelli. He’s missed no opportunity to say Peter isn’t good enough for Maxie. Maxie says, she set him straight. Peter says, she even threatened to marry him, and Anna asks if she said yes.

Carly asks Michael if Diane doesn’t think it would be important if he gave Wiley a stepmother, to partner with him in providing a safe and secure home. Michael says she does, and Carly says, Willow is not only nurturing and kind, she has the added bonus of a bond with Wiley. He’s known her most of his life; she’s like family to him, and he feels safe with her. Nelle can try, but Willow isn’t just pretty and sweet, but she radiates sincerity. Nelle will look like a phony next to her. Michael says that’s why Willow is going to testify as a character witness and friend, but Carly says, look how much more she could contribute as a wife. He says, what if back in the day, AJ had asked her to marry him, and end things with Jason? She says, that’s not remotely fair, but he asks her to answer. Would she turn her back on Jason, and side with AJ? She says she did. She sued for custody and sided with AJ against Jason. Although she did plan to drive AJ drink to drink, so she could divorce him and get custody of Michael. Michael says, at least don’t pretend it didn’t happen. She says, it blew up in her face, and she almost lost custody of him. He says Willow can’t turn her back on the man she loves to marry him, and Carly says, not even to protect Wiley? We flash back to Michael trying to convince Willow why the marriage is a good idea, and Willow saying, if not for Chase, she’d marry him in a heartbeat. She thinks Chase loves her enough that he would understand, but it’s not about Chase; it’s about her. But if it’s the only way, she’ll do it. Michael tells her, it’s not the only way.

Willow tells Chase, she doesn’t believe Nelle was born bad. She thinks who Nelle is now came from an accumulation of choices. Some, she made herself, but early on, some were made for her. She asks if he knows the saying, hurt people hurt. She thinks it’s true. Nelle was hurt early and often enough, and they all know what she’s capable of. Chase says Willow didn’t turn out like that, and she says, her parents were flaky, not cruel and neglectful. They loved her and taught her what they thought was important. By the time her mother went off the rails with Shiloh and DoD, it was confusing, but it didn’t warp her view of the world. She could still see kindness and love. Chase says, for Nelle, that’s an alien concept. Willow says, what if Nelle does that to Wiley? Takes a beautiful, trusting little boy, and teaches him to be like her?

Maxie tells Anna, she did it to put Spinelli on the spot, not to pressure Peter. Peter says, so she doesn’t want to marry him? and she says, no, it’s not that. She was just explaining why she said it. She hadn’t thought about it. Peter says he had to put Spinelli in his place too. When he was babysitting James, he told Spinelli that he and Maxie are forever. She says he didn’t tell her that, and we flash back to Peter suggesting he and Spinelli hang out some time. They have to be more than cordial, and they’re barely managing. He’s going to be in Georgie’s, James’s, and Maxie’s life permanently. They’re getting married. Peter says, Spinelli was upset and walked out.

Laura tells Lulu, she’s not defending Valentin in any way, but he’s Charlotte’s father, and she loves him. Lulu says, what about him being a terrible influence? but Laura isn’t sure he is. He has his flaws, but he’s a devoted parent. Charlotte is bright and outgoing, and a lot of that is because of him. Valentin walks in, and sees Charlotte. He asks how the party was, and she says she can’t wait to tell him about it. He asks if she’ll go talk to her mom and grandmother for a moment while he has a word with the Cassadines. She goes over to the other table, and Valentin says, stay away from his daughter. Ava says, his little cherub was perfectly fine with them, but Valentin says he doesn’t want Charlotte associating with them. It’s not like Ava is an innocent party. Nikolas says, back off his wife. She’s the innocent party Valentin threw off a parapet. He does remember the night his whole world came crumbling down, doesn’t he?

Jason tells Sonny, Cyrus can’t push Jordan too hard or fast. She could lose her job, and he’d lose the best leverage he has. But Cyrus knows Sonny is under pressure too. He has family in Port Charles, and people he loves who he’s protecting. Everyone is on lockdown, but it can’t last forever. He also knows how Sonny does business; he’s low key and quiet. That might put him in a position where he has to negotiate. Sonny says, only to a point.

Sonny says, he’d rather avoid a war. It’s bad for business, it costs money, and people make mistakes. Some don’t learn. If Cyrus wants to fight, Sonny will take him down like he has everybody before him. Jason asks if he’s going to refuse the meeting, but Sonny says, set it up for tonight. They’ll see how motivated Cyrus is, and go from there. Carly comes in, and asks if she’s interrupting. Jason says they were just finishing up, and tells Sonny, he’ll make the call. He leaves, and Carly asks if everything is okay. Sonny says, it’s business; he’s handling it. Carly tells him, Wiley will probably come home tomorrow, and nothing has gotten better regarding the custody hearing. The best option is one Michael won’t pursue.

Valentin tells Nikolas, everyone knows they sleep in separate beds, and spend their days ripping each other apart. He walks away, and Ava says, it sounds like the marriage they both deserve. Nikolas says they have no more secrets, but Ava says, one or two, but maybe it’s time to review things, and make changes.

Lulu asks what Ava and Nikolas said to Charlotte, and she says, nothing much. They’re just saying mean things to each other. It’s not fair. Windymere was better when she, papa, and Nina were there. Lulu says, drastic change can be unsettling. She knows how it feels, and hates when it happens. Valentin stops by, and Lulu says Charlotte is dying to tell him about the birthday party. Charlotte wishes he could have been there. He missed all the fun. He says, cake, ice cream, and games? but she says, that wasn’t the fun part. Lulu says, there was the snake, and Valentin says, Ava didn’t mention there was a snake. Lulu says, it was in Ava’s purse. They have no idea how it got there. Valentin looks at Charlotte like, hmm…

Robert asks why he would pair up with Spinelli when his scheme failed? He’s a wiz in cyberspace, but when he’s on the ground, he’s out of his depth. Spinelli says the criticism is warranted, and Robert says, they’re looking out for the people they care about. Robert stumbled on him, and if it was that easy, Peter could do the same. We flash back to Peter suggesting that if he and Spinelli can’t tolerate each other, Maxie will be forced to make a choice. He’s comfortable with that. Is Spinelli? Spinelli tells Robert, he’s not afraid of Peter, but Robert says, he should be. He not only comes from bad stock, he aided and abetted Shiloh, and put Drew in the ground. Spinelli says he’s acting on behalf of his daughter, and Robert asks how he’s going to do that if Robert arrests him? Spinelli says, it’s Robert’s choice, but he might have to explain why he was breaking and entering. Robert calls Spinelli a little runt, and asks if Spinelli is trying to blackmail him. Spinelli supposes he is.

Willow tells Chase, she’s seen it over and over, parents influencing a child for better or worse. There’s a kid in the hospital, he’s bright, and his parents want to find him a tutor so he gets into a good college. Did she mention he’s twelve? She’s watched the parents crush his creativity, possibly his soul. There’s nothing she can say, but with Wiley, it’s different. She can have a say. He says, only if Michael wins, and she says she doesn’t need to marry him. Michael told her that she didn’t. He has the best lawyers and resources, and he’s sure he can be heard. Which is what she needs to tell herself instead of freaking out over the worst case. Chase says, sounds like a plan, and she says, speaking of plans, the wine guy texted her, and there’s a good bottle ordered for tonight. He asks when wine guy started texting her? and she says, don’t be jealous. They kiss, and Chase says he’ll have the wine waiting when she gets home. Willow starts to walk away, but turns back. She thanks him for the talk. She needed it more than she knew.

Maxie tells Anna, the kids want to stay and play with Violet some more. They’re due for a major sugar crash, so Peter put their shoes on. When the kids are ready, they can just scoop them up and go. Anna compliments Maxie’s parenting skills, and Maxie says it was Peter’s idea. Anna says she knows it’s difficult for Peter to be comfortable with a loving family, she’s glad he’s adjusted. Maxie asks, what’s wrong? and Anna says they’re dancing around the idea of marriage. She understands that as adults, they try to protect their hearts, but words like married and forever mean more to Peter than Maxie realizes or Peter knows. Peter comes back downstairs, and says, the kids are ready. What did he miss?

Valentin asks Charlotte, what about a snake? Laura’s phone rings, and she says she has to take it. She steps away, and Lulu says she’d like to speak to Nikolas, giving Valentin her seat. He asks how Charlotte supposes the snake got in Ava’s purse? She says, it wasn’t poisonous, and he asks how she knows. She says they’ve been studying them in science. He says, that explains something. He gets alerts whenever Charlotte makes a purchase. He knows she bought something at Roger’s Reptile Roundabout.

Lulu asks if Ava is okay after the snake thing. Ava thanks her for asking; she appreciates Lulu’s concern. She looks at Nikolas, who says he thinks it was a prank, albeit in bad taste. Lulu says, no real damage was done. Like when Nikolas told Charlotte that he was her secret bodyguard, and made her believe he’d always be there, except when she threw herself in the harbor and he was nowhere around. Nikolas says he apologized, and Lulu says, to her, but not to Charlotte. Ava says he just tried to, but he’d stayed away out of concern for Charlotte’s well-being. Lulu says, he never gave Charlotte a second thought, except as a means to take down her father. She has no sympathy for Valentin, but Nikolas isn’t much better. Ava asks who Lulu is to judge. What makes her the arbiter of right and wrong? Back the hell off.

Willow arrives at the hospital, and Michael says, perfect timing. He was just going to text her. He asks if there’s any chance they could meet up tonight, and talk through her testimony, so she gets an idea what he’s hoping for before she’s grilled on the stand. She asks if there’s any chance they could do it tomorrow. She and Chase have plans.

Sasha approaches Chase in the park, wearing a button-down shirt in a plaid that I’m in love with, and Chase says, Michael told Willow that he can beat Nelle without marrying her. Sasha says, he’s lying, and Chase says he figured. Nelle is emotionally damaged, and she’s going to emotionally damage Wiley. It will destroy Willow, and possibly break her. Sasha says, Michael too, and he says, they’re the only ones in the position to stop it. Is she good with that? She says, good? No, but she’s absolutely committed.

Maxie says, Peter spoiled the surprise. Anna saved them four goodie bags; he gets the one with the licorice whistle. He says he hates licorice, and she says she knows. She tells him to get the car, while she gets the sleepyheads. He tells Anna, it was an exhausting experience, but fun. She says, one of many more. He says he knows she’s worried, and she says she’s seen how hard he’s worked to be the man he is. She’s not letting anyone take that from him.

Robert tells Spinelli, he doesn’t respond well to threats, and Spinelli suggests he consider the advantages of working together to safeguard the ones they hold dear. Robert says Spinelli is a loose cannon and a kook. Spinelli says, in cyberspace, he has no equal. They can take down that lying weasel once and for all, if they combine their skills. He suggests they shake on their most fearsome partnership, but Robert says, it’s not partnership. If he says, jump, Spinelli asks, how high. Is he clear? Spinelli says, crystal. He has one small suggestion; that they search in haste before Peter and Maxie get back. But Robert says, whatever Peter is hiding, it’s not there. They leave, and in the hallway, Robert’s phone rings. He asks, who is this?

Ava tells Nikolas, his family needs a reset. Instead of having Laura and Doc for dinner, why don’t they have a big event? A spring fling at Windymere. She can unveil her new portrait. Lulu says, she has a portrait? and Nikolas says, Franco is painting it. Ava says they’ll have to invite Franco and Elizabeth, and Lulu says, Elizabeth and Nikolas were close, back when Elizabeth was a good influence on him. Too bad he takes after Ava now. She leaves, and Nikolas says, actually, it’s ridiculous for Ava to unveil her portrait. Don’t expect his family to show up to celebrate.

Valentin says, Charlotte bought a snake, and she says, yes, but it was for the classroom terrarium. All of the kids contributed. He tells her, don’t lie. That’s not the reason. She put it in Ava’s purse; why? She says she doesn’t like Ava. She’s not family, and she and Nikolas are big, fat liars. They’re thieves, and stole everything. Now Valentin and Nina will never get married.

Carly tells Sonny, Wiley is out of danger, but will probably need additional surgery. She knows what it’s like, and they have to stay vigilant. They can’t afford for Nelle to get custody. They can’t trust her to make important decisions concerning Wiley. Sonny says, Diane will make that argument to the judge, and do it better. She says, Diane said Michael’s chances are slightly more than 50%. Sonny says, Diane always gives the worst case, so she looks better. Carly says, she’d agree if it was a criminal case, but this is family court. What if the judge believes Nelle’s sob story? She could win joint custody.

Michael tells Willow, it’s totally fine. They’ll set something up for another time. He says, it’s Wiley’s last night in the hospital; he gets to go home tomorrow. maybe she wants to say hi. She says, tomorrow will be Wiley’s first night home, and the last night they can discuss her testimony. Michael says he thought it would be hopeful to talk through it, but the best thing she can do is be herself. She asks what time he wants to meet, and he says they don’t have to. She says she wants to, and Chase will understand. Maybe they can bring the wine by tomorrow, and the four of them can celebrate Wiley’s homecoming. Michael says, sounds like a plan.

Peter asks Maxie what she and Anna were really talking about. Maxie says Anna was reminding her of how special he is, and they kiss.

Anna answers the door to Robert, who looks awful. She asks, what is it? and he says he has terrible news. Holly is dead. Anna hugs him.

Ava tells Nikolas, just when she thought they had a shot at being civil, he resorts to sniping insults. He says he struck a nerve, and she says he can doggy paddle to Spoon Island. She’s taking the launch, but don’t expect it back anytime soon.

Valentin tells Charlotte, he knows she’s disappointed. He is too, but it’s not entirely Ava’s fault. She asks why he’s making excuses for Ava. Ava is his enemy.

Jason comes back, and tells Sonny, it’s all set. Carly says, please be careful. Sonny’s phone rings. It’s Turning Woods, and he asks if it’s about his father. He listens, and says he’ll be right there. He tells Carly and Jason, his dad had another fall. They think it was a seizure.

Willow walks into the apartment, saying, she hopes Chase didn’t open the wine yet. She finds Sasha and a shirtless Chase lying down on the couch, kissing.

Tomorrow, Charlotte tells Valentin, it’s not what he said, it’s what he did; Josslyn asks what strategy Michael is talking about; and Cyrus tells Julian, they have an opportunity for collaboration.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht

I’m going to start calling Captain Glenn just Glenn going forward. Maybe it’s not noticeable, but I’ve always put Captain in front of Lee and Sandy’s names out of respect. I was doing the same for Glenn, but in this episode, I found out he doesn’t really like being addressed that way. TBH, it makes it easier on me too, but if he hadn’t given his okay, I wouldn’t have changed it.

Glenn tells Parker that he has an attitude problem, and he’s on thin ice already. Glenn isn’t convinced Parker can do the job, but it’s up to him. Parker says he’s trying to determine if he should take his tips and run finish on this note, or chance it, where he’ll be under twice as much pressure. Life too short to be around people who don’t want to be around him. Glenn says, it’s his decision if he wants to give his resignation. In his interview, Glenn says he doesn’t like to lead by fear. He wants Parker to take ownership of his decision. He tells Parker to take some time to think about it.

Madison wants to stay outside the boat drama. Adam is wondering if Parker is going to be packing his sh*t. Georgia wants to say goodbye if Parker is going. In Madison’s interview, she says it bothers her that Parker could be getting fired. He’s had her back on the boat. She and Ciara lie in the sun on deck. Parker radios Glenn, and says as far as his well-being goes, he thinks he needs to resign. Glenn says he understands, and in Parker’s interview, he says certain people have expressed they don’t need him. He thinks it’s effed up, and he doesn’t want his attitude to put him in a situation where he gets fired. He gives Glenn an it’s-not-you-it’s-me speech, and Glenn says he thinks it’s the best decision for Parker. In Glenn’s interview, he says he’s relieved. If Parker doesn’t feel he can change, the best thing is to get a replacement. He hopes Parker can learn to get on with people; it’s a part of any industry. Parker tells Paget that he’s resigning, and says goodbye. Paget mumbles that he’ll just get another d*ckhead. Parker tells Adam that he’s taking a sabbatical. He suggests Adam and Jenna have a baby, so he can be a weird uncle. I’m sure that’s an innocent remark, but he might want to rephrase that. Adam says he likes this Parker better. In Adam’s interview, he says he’s not surprised Parker couldn’t cut it. He’s surprised it took this long though. Glenn says, it takes a special breed of person to do this, and not lose their cool.

Madison asks, what’s going on? and Parker says he’s resigning. She says she’s going to miss him, and they hug. In her interview, she says, there goes her buddy. Now she and Georgia are officially the third couple on the boat. Paget tells Ciara he thinks Parker will be happier for it, and everyone else will too. In Ciara’s interview, she says she’s not surprised, but she’s disappointed he didn’t stick it out. Madison tells him, go be a rock star. In Parker’s interview, he says he didn’t quit. He resigned, and there’s a difference. Quitting is an act you do when you’re scared. Resigning means stopping… with positive energy. I don’t know whether to give him a pacifier and a blankie, or a smiley face T-shirt. He says he doesn’t know what’s next. He’s going to rekindle his love of the perfect girl for him, and being the best Parker he can be. I guess I’ll just park(er) him in front of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood reruns.

Glenn gets on the phone, and says he’s looking for someone asap. Jenna says, all of Parker’s sh*t has to be cleaned, and in her interview, Georgia says, they haven’t even laid him in the ground yet. The crew gets ready for dinner.

Paget says, Parker took the easy way out. He likes training people, but it was a waste of time. They go on shore, and find a restaurant. There’s an empty chair, and Jenna says she guesses Parker didn’t feel like coming. Paget says Parker actually made the decision. He lasted this long, and Paget tried to help him as much as he could. Jenna says, if you don’t have the type of personality that fits in, you get cut. In Madison’s interview, she asks, why are they sh*tting on someone who can’t defend themselves? Jenna says, the number one tip is, STFU. Byron says, that’s great advice. Ciara and Paget, and Jenna and Adam decide to go back to the boat. Georgia and Madison go to a club, and drink some more. On the boat, Adam and Jenna change and retire to the master. In his interview, Adam tells us, when you slide into the sweat pant phase, you know you love each other. Madison and Georgia meander back to the boat.

The next morning, Adam says, no Parker, no skidmarks, no problems. Glenn tells Jenna, he’s glad Parker made the call, because he would have had to. He’s got a British guy lined up; Chris. In Glenn’s interview, he says he expects the crew to be friendly and welcoming. He wants to make sure what happened with Parker doesn’t happen again. They check out Chris’s Instagram, and he looks like a fun and adventurous dude. Paget says, no breastfeeding jokes. Jenna asks if Georgia will flirt with the new guy, and Georgia says that’s natural for her. She says, he’d better not be an absolute d*ck or an absolute bitch.

Paget meets Chris on the dock, and in his interview, Paget says, working on yachts, coming in mid-season can be tricky. Either you make friends for life, or enemies you want to throw off the boat. He says Chris seems to be sunshiny, but once you’ve been in the industry for a while, you become a grumpy bastard. Madison tells Chris, welcome to the craziness. Paget asks if he has any issues, and Chris says he has a dodgy back, but he does stretches and keeps moving. Paget says he’s seen that a lot in the industry. Madison and Georgia feed each other strawberries in the galley. In Paget’s interview, he says Chris has got experience, and knows a lot. It’s refreshing. He shows Chris around the boat.

Glenn has a preference sheet meeting with Jenna, Adam, Byron, and Paget. The primary is Lyndi, a wardrobe consultant and blogger. Her boyfriend Jesse, and friends Missy and Jonathan will be joining them. Apparently the women are well-known influencers. They’re looking forward to jumping off the boat, and also want to post pictures and videos to their blogs. In his interview, Glenn says he’s not a selfie person. He doesn’t like being in photos. Me neither. Paget says, they also want a scenic background during dinner. Jenna says, Lyndi wants a Coachella party, with entertainment, and Glenn suggests Paget and Georgia provide it.

In the crew mess, Adam asks Chris if he has any food restrictions, and Chris says, no. Adam says, good; he wouldn’t fix it anyway, and goes into the galley. Georgia says, it’s okay to use the hot tub when there are no guests, and Madison says, apparently, it’s okay to use the master too. Adam says he can hear her, and if she has a problem, she can talk to him. She says she doesn’t care, and he says, then stop talking about it. He asks if she can go a day without creating some kind drama. In Adam’s interview, he says, if Jenna says they can use the master, then they can. Madison’s opinion is on the deepest back burner. Madison says she wasn’t talking sh*t. He asks if she can go thirty minutes. In Madison’s interview, she asks, what boat have they been on that using the master is okay? Everyone goes to bed, and being Adam’s new roommate, Chris says he doesn’t want to piss off the chef.

The next morning, Chris is ready for a fun day. Jenna asks if he gets offended if anyone curses. He isn’t, but wonders about the question. Paget says, Georgia flirts with any guy who has a penis. Chris thinks it’s the right level of crazy, and Georgia says, it’s a good start. Glenn thinks things will be fine. Adam tells Jenna about Madison telling the crew they were sleeping in the master, and he said he could effing hear her. Georgia decides to help with the cushion covers. Adam says he told Madison if she wants to talk, bring it up to her. In Jenna’s interview, she says during the last charter, Madison worked to turn herself around, and now she’s injecting herself into Jenna’s personal life. Mind your own business. She jokes-not-jokes, Madison must be punished for this behavior. Chris asks how the captain prefers to be addressed, and Glenn says, just Glenn. Paget says he doesn’t like a title; he’s human like the rest of them. Jenna tells Georgia she wants her to be more involved in service.

Provisions come in. Jenna tells Madison that Georgia wants to learn more about service. In Madison’s interview, she says, suddenly, Georgia wants to learn about service? It can’t be because Madison and Adam had a tiff. Interesting. Glenn tells everyone to change into their polos, and the guests arrive. Madison says, smile and wave. Adam says, they’re from southern California, and Chris asks if they’ll be difficult. Adam says, it’s about as difficult as America gets. In Adam’s interview, he says, high maintenance has a walk and a look. It just walked on the boat. Jenna gives the tour.

Adam makes fruit and cheese plates, and Glenn says they’ll get going soon. While hanging up the guests’ clothing, Georgia marvels at how neatly they packed. In Jenna’s interview, she says, hashtag, cute; hashtag, yacht party. She bets they’re good at living their authentic lives. The boat shoves off. Adam tells the guests to be prepared to eat a lot, and Lyndi  thinks he’s adorable, but he’s going to get her fat. He says, if he’s making it, she’s eating it.

In his interview, Chris says he spent his teen years sailing and racing. The last racing boat he was on was very 80s. It was everything physical, and gives him the tingles. Lyndi squeaks to the other women that Adam is adorable, and they go in search of him. Jenna tells Adam, omigod! So cute! and he says, have no fear. That’s not his style. Georgia sees them kiss, and walks past the galley faster. The sails go up. Ciara tells Glenn about the sails, and in his interview, he says he doesn’t want to stop Ciara. It’s good to learn new things about a boat, but some things, he knows. Glenn explains sailing to the guests, and Adam says starboard is his favorite lean; he leans into his cutting board.

Ciara says she’s glad to have someone who knows what they’re doing on deck. Missy giggles, and asks where the galley is. Jenna discourages them in a roundabout way. Glenn tells the deckhands to set up the rope swing, and Jesse is first to jump in the water, followed by Jonathan, while the girls giggle (there’s no better word for it). I swear, it’s only been five minutes, but if I hear cute one more time… Ciara puts deodorant on the outside of her thermal top, and I feel confused. In Glenn’s interview, he says he’s just figured out Instagram, and he knows the guests are concerned with how their photos look. He’s thinking if the stern is pointed toward the town during dinner, the town will be lit up, and make a great background. The trick is a good stern tie. You put a chain over a rock, attach a line, and bring it back to the boat. It sounds easy, but in practice, it never is. He asks the deckhands to tie the stern. Paget tells Chris that his spirit is helping them; he’s impressed. In Paget’s interview, he says there are multiple things going on at once, and he’s the eyes of the operation from the tender. The NautiBuoy (floating platform) starts hitting the rocks. Chris jumps onto it, and Glenn radios Paget that he’s Glenn’s eyes and ears; he needs the information. Paget is pissed at himself; it’s embarrassing. What a sh*t show. In Glenn’s interview, he says Paget did a great job, but he’s suffering from agitation. He let it get to him. He tells Byron, Paget is puling a Parker.

Meanwhile, at a nearby island, Parker and Kaiti do some snorkeling. Parker proposes underwater, and she says yes. In his interview, Parker says she’s the perfect girl for him. She loves him being ridiculous. She parties hard, and loves all people. She loves the planet, nature, and animals.

In Glenn’s interview, he says, it’s encouraging to see Chris in the mix. Chris knows what he’s doing. If this is any indication how he’s going to perform for the rest of the season, they’re in good hands. Adam tells Madison what place settings are needed, and Glenn helps the deckhands move out chairs for dinner, as well as putting several tables together for a dining table. Jenna puts on a tablecloth, and uses tiny grapevine balls with fairy lights in the centerpiece. I love them. I have those hanging on my back patio.

Jesse tells Lyndi that he loves her, and she says… okay. What? Some little woman named Evangyline, or something like that, takes photos. I don’t know who she is, but her appearance is the complete opposite of these statuesque blondes. She toasts to amazing friends. Missy says there’s a space in her heart that they fill, and Lyndi says some corny stuff. I can’t take their voices. Adam brings up the first course. Georgia does laundry. Jesse posts a bunch of content, and the girls are upset that he didn’t tag them. He says he doesn’t know how the tag machine works. Missy squeals when Adam comes up with the entrée. Lyndi says she loves him. It’s swordfish and asparagus, so I love him too. Jesse tells her, lock it up, and she says she’ll do the opposite. She’ll do what Adam tells her to do. Jesse asks if he means nothing, and she wants someone else. Tell him now. In Jenna’s interview, she says they’re in an argument about her boyfriend, and it’s super awkward. Her boyfriend is off the table.

Next time, Chris asks if Georgia wants to go to a fish foot spa, Madison say she’s in a coupled-up crew, Jesse asks Lyndi to marry him, and Adam acts stupid.

📡 I’m loving Watch What Happens Live these days, with everyone filming from home. Not only do I get to see something personal about the guests, everyone seems extra relaxed. Well, except for Kristen Johnston, who gripped her dog for dear life. Tonight, the show ended with Cheri Oteri doing her Barbara Walters impression, while her dog suddenly began to photobomb from the patio door. It was priceless.

⛵️ Beyond the Sail…

Parker has moved on from his mom. Maybe.

Meet new deckhand Chris.

🏝 Leaving Miami…

A vague explanation as to why The Real Housewives of Miami is no more.

🚬 Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em…

I’d be remiss in not giving a nod to 420 2020. Warning: Lyrics may be offensive. But I find this song funny as hell. Stay safe out there, in there, or up there.

April 17, 2020 – The Shahs Do Hawaii, WOTN, Found, All About Garcelle, Busy Docs, Vicky Stalled, Second Time, BH BS, Years Of Wives, Moneymaker, Go Pink, Broadway Cares, Eight Whole Quotes & Seven Days


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


Shahs of Sunset

Mike and Paulina go for coffee with pup Whiskey, who is absolutely adorable and surprisingly well-behaved. Mike asks how she felt about seeing everyone at Boots and Brews, and we flash back to that. Paulina thinks they’re dramatic, and Mike says they’ve gone through so much drama, the friendships have been tainted somewhat, but he still loves them. in Mike’s interview, he says they have to start communication, healing, and moving forward. He tells Paulina that he’s planned a trip for her birthday to Hawaii, and she says, how fun. He tells her that he’s invited the crew, and she says Mike is in his early 40s. Come on. He says, it will be an excuse to regroup. The bullsh*t is getting old. In his interview, he says, it’s common sense that just the two of them on the trip would be romantic, but he loves his friends, and wants to show them a great time. Risking Paulina’s love for the love of his friends is a catch-22. He tells her that he wants to share their happiness with his friends, and start fresh. She says, they’ll make it fun.

Nema and Mona’s mom Moshgan is visiting from upstate new York. In his interview, Nema says, when his mom comes to town, she likes to soak up family and kid time. Moshgan says, it’s been the best trip, and she’s been getting in some sun worship. Nema says they’d love it if she made it a permanent thing. Mona says, when she has kids, Moshgan is going to move there. Moshgan tells Nema, if he doesn’t have kids, when he gets old he’ll just have his dog. In Nema’s interview, he says after their parents divorced, his sister stayed with his mom in New York, while he went with their dad to California. It caused damage and trauma that he can’t put into words. Nema says he doesn’t want to upset Moshgan, but his childhood was so traumatic, it strengthened his resolve not to have kids. Moshgan says she’s sorry, but he can’t use what happened in the past to affect what happens with the rest if his life. Nema says it’s hard to hear her say, just get over it, but she says she’s not saying that. She wrote him a letter two years ago about what happened. It was emotional, and it took time; did he read it? He says, it’s frustrating for him to hear that it’s been two years. In his interview, he says he’s too worried about what it says to read it. He’s afraid he’ll read something he can’t come back from. It might taint his relationship with his dad, which is already not strong. Moshgan says, if he wants to know what happened, read her six-page letter.

Destiney meets with MJ at a smoothie place. MJ says she likes Destiney’s energy, and feels like they’re on the same page. She wants them to be good friends in a good place. A lot of lies happened, and it’s where things went south. In MJ’s interview, she says she apologized to Reza at Boots and Brews. We flash back to that, and MJ says, now she wants to open the line of communication, and fix things with Destiney. She tells Destiney, she’s  there to apologize, and be transparent. Something small between Ali and Reza evolved into giant nonsense toxic bullsh*t. After the crying and confrontation that happened, she doesn’t want it to be the same thing. In Destiney’s interview, she says she thought she and MJ were like sisters. We see clips from their relationship over the years, and Destiney says, MJ hurt and betrayed her. MJ doesn’t see it, or she’s acting like she doesn’t, and Destiney doesn’t trust her. She tells MJ, she thought MJ had her back, and they were sisters, then sh*t happened. Ali walks in, and Destiney looks shocked. In her interview, Destiney says whatever MJ and Ali have cooked up, she wants no part of it.

MJ goes to the counter to order, and Ali asks how Destiney is. In MJ’s interview, she says, ultimately, she wants both of them in her life. She’s missed Destiney, and her intention is to fix this. When she comes back to the table, MJ says she wants full transparency from everyone. Destiney says she wants to figure out what’s going on, and where they all stand. MJ says she knew Ali had an issue with Reza, and wanted to talk to Destiney, so she said, go for it, but be ready to be real. Destiney says she let her emotions take ahold of her, and regrets how it came off. MJ says, the negativity has been toxic and poisonous. From her perspective of the big picture, Ali had been a close friend, but told Reza she’d said she was concerned about his marriage. Ali says he did improvise there, and MJ tells him, don’t drag her name into it, and say it’s about her concerns. In Destiney’s interview, she says, MJ is making sh*t up to save herself. Ali had said MJ put him up to it, but now he’s kissing MJ’s ass. Ali says he’s sorry he drew that conclusion, and MJ says she wants to be friends, and be on the same page. She asks Destiney if she can have a hug, and Destiney reluctantly gets up. They hug, and Destiney asks MJ to promise she has good intentions. In her interview, Destiney says she wants to believe MJ has good intentions, but deep down, she’s not comfortable.

Adam comes home to Reza, Smokey, and Miss Moo. In Reza’s interview, he wishes he could say things are amazing, but they’re not. He tells Adam that he’s going to be gone next week, so no naked Jenga when he’s not there. In his interview, Reza says he’s committed to and loves his husband. He hopes in time, this will be a distant memory. He asks Adam when they’re going to play naked Jenga, and Adam says he wants to have a conversation about that. Reza says he sounds serious, but Adam says, not as serious as Reza is making it sound, and they sit. Adam says when he went through his texts, he saw Ali was right. He did mention naked whatever, but he said immediately that he was joking. Reza says he doesn’t care about Ali; he cares about Adam doing things that make people think he doesn’t have respect for their marriage. He doesn’t like finding out his husband was potentially engaging in inappropriate behavior. People divorce over these kinds of issues, and it literally plants the seed of doubt and paranoia in someone’s head. Adam asks Reza to stop and listen, instead of shutting down. When Reza gets angry, he doesn’t listen. He interrupts and says Adam’s not making sense. He says he knows Reza mentioned a trip to Hawaii, and Reza says it would be making more of a statement if he didn’t go, and would become a big deal. He and MJ were at the Boots and Brews thing together, and he doesn’t want it to be an issue in the group. Adam says he needs to get something off his chest. He never wants MJ there again. Reza says, it’s Adam’s house too. If Adam doesn’t want her there, no problem. Right now, they’re not in a great place anyway. Adam says, if MJ and Reza get back to a good place, that’s fine, but he doesn’t want her to be around. He can never talk to her again; not even a hello. In his interview, Reza says he wants to respect his husband, but at the same time, he has a yearning for someone who used to be bigger in his life, and it’s something painful to process.

Nema and Mike head into a clinic, and Nema says, real men get Botox together. In Mike’s interview, he says he’s 41, and wants to keep it looking young. Nema says he’s stoked for Hawaii. Mike asks if Mona is coming, but Nema says Mona is mad at him. He sent his parents a text saying they screwed up his life; he has a lot of anger under the surface. Mike says he uses it to justify keeping his life from them. Nema says, if he didn’t care, it would be easy, and Mike says, it’s causing stress, and stress is going to kill him. In his interview, Mike says Nema is a good dude, but he doesn’t understand his Persian parents. They had to flee their country, and started with nothing. It’s hard for people to understand the struggles they face. He tells Nema, when you’re young and in a new country with no money, it’s difficult. They didn’t know any better; he can’t blame them. He needs to have an open heart and mind. Nema says his mom wrote him a letter, talking about her feelings on her end. In Nema’s interview, he says he was finally ready to read it, but it was frustrating. He reads from the letter, his mom writing that watching him leave was the hardest experience of her life, and has haunted her for twenty-five years. She was only twenty-five and powerless. She went back and forth to see him, and worked 70 and 80 hours a week, often the third shift, in order to afford the trip, because she had no assistance. Nema says, but it doesn’t address why he and Mona were separated. He hates the letter because it doesn’t give him an ounce of closure. Mike says, life is short. He prays Nema finds it in his heart to forgive. Come to Hawaii, and chill out. Nema says he’s going to eat his body weight in sushi. The doctor comes in, and Nema says they’re here for a tune-up. Mike looks skeptical, but gets the Botox. He says, Hawaii, here we come.

Destiney, Sara, GG, and MJ meet Paulina for a girls night out. Mike told her to go for a night out with the girls before they leave, and just have a good time. In Destiney’s interview, she says since she and Sara’s brother are no longer talking, hopefully Sara will be in a better mood. They sit outside, and MJ says it’s her first girls night out since having the baby. Tommy’s dad is watching Shams. In GG’s interview, she says MJ doing what she did is one thing – we flash back to MJ’s concern for GG when she got sick at Boots and Brews – but her taking it as an honest gesture is another thing. She’s definitely over having enemies. It’s a heavy burden to carry. They clink glasses, and toast to girls night; no boys. There’s silence, and Sara says, it’s gorgeous, but chilly, and they decide to go inside. MJ shows them how she can line her lips without using a mirror, and GG says she has skills. MJ asks if GG is feeling better, and GG says, it was an effed up situation. Paulina says she didn’t know anything about it, and GG explains that she had her fallopian tubes removed. The baby was seven weeks when she ruptured, so she’d barely been pregnant. It was a fluke of nature, since ectopic pregnancies are rare. MJ is sorry that GG went through that. In MJ’s interview, she says she feels compassion for everything GG has been through. She tells GG, it sucks they’re not closer. They could have had their experiences together. GG says she’s sorry, and admits there’s a jealousy factor. She would have rather had a child at the end. She’s read to give a baby love. MJ says she’s sure it will be a reality for GG soon, and asks if she can give GG a hug. When they hug, MJ says she didn’t know GG was getting pregnant, and GG asks if that would have made MJ not be mean to her. In her interview, GG says, for many years, she and MJ had a toxic friendship, but GG is a different person now. She doesn’t want MJ as an enemy or a friend. The best thing is to let it go. The girls toast to Paulina’s birthday.

Nema goes to see therapist Todd. He tells Todd that his mom is in town. He wishes it meant more than it does, but he’s frustrated and on edge. Todd asks how often Nema has discussed it with his mom, and Nema says she wrote him a letter on her feelings. She said, when his parents were going through the break-up, Nema’s dad reached out to his grandfather for assistance, and suggested his dad do him the favor of taking the kids to Iran for a month, while they figured things out. She was against it, but they convinced her it was a good idea not to let the kids see them fighting. It was only supposed to be one month, while they figured it out. His first response was wondering how one month turned into nine. His second response was that he’s thirty-six, and still dealing with the fallout. That they did this because they didn’t want the kids to see them arguing makes him angry, and prevents him from having a conversation with them. He’s more angry at his dad. He has an early memory of going to the grocery store with his grandfather, and there being an Iranian guard with an AK-47, watching people. Todd says, he’s in this new world, and the transition didn’t include a conversation about it. His mom laid it out, and wants him to understand where she’s coming from. Nema doesn’t want to be mad, but can’t avoid it. Nema says he has two volumes. One is, he doesn’t give a sh*t, and the other is, listen MF’er. It’s either zero or ten. Todd says, when we bury emotions, they manifest, and he needs to release it. Nema says, the status quo isn’t working. In his interview, Nema says he’s tired of being the victim of what’s happened to him. He’s been angry too long. Todd says if he has a conflict, he needs to put it out there and articulate what’s bothering him. In Nema’s interview, he says he needs his parents to come together, so he can ask why they did it, and tell them why it was wrong. That’s closure. He tells Todd, one step at a time.

As Mike packs, he realizes he always wears black T-shirts. Paulina says, that’s all he needs.

Reza packs 10,000 pairs of shoes. In his interview, he says, he’s not excited about the trip. He and MJ barely scratched the surface in moving forward, but their history makes it worth going.

MJ tells assistant Sienna, it’s weird. Hawaii is where she wanted to go with Reza, Adam, and Tommy, since neither couple had a honeymoon. Obviously, they’re not going on a honeymoon together. In her interview, she says, hopefully, they’ll get where they need to be. She tells Sienna, they’re going to be staying at a multimillion dollar property, and she wants to get back to when their moments of having fun and making fun of each other. She’s not leaving her newborn for no reason. She’s investing in their friendship. In MJ’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to leave Baby Shams for five minutes, but she knows she needs to do this for the friendship. She’ll do or say whatever it takes to help fix things.

Mike says when they travel as a group, they always act the fool. He’s hoping everyone gets along, and Paulina experiences the amazingness of his friends that he’s told her about. In Reza’s interview, he says he plans to be cordial, and ease into interaction with MJ. They fly to the island of Hawaii, and take a limo bus to the property.

Homeowner Goldie greets them, and they’re given leis by the cultural attaché Stephanie. In Nema’s interview, he says, the vibe with MJ and Reza is like an unexpected run-in with an ex. You don’t expect it to be cool, but it’s awkward. Stephanie welcomes them, and says they’re going to do a traditional Hawaiian greeting. They’re to pair up, and touch foreheads, nose to nose; inhale and exhale, then hug. In his interview, Reza says he was hoping to ease into the interaction, but it’s like, boom! Forehead to forehead. Nema and GG face each other. In his interview, Nema says he and GG are in a great place now. In GG’s interview, she says, after a few drinks, she could see Nema as bedroom worthy, but that’s as far as she’ll go.

MJ texts Tommy, asking how Shams is. I covet GG’s headband with two palm trees sticking up from it. Tommy texts back that Shams is great, and tells MJ to have fun. As usual, the food spread is fabulous, as is the property. Everything is beyond. Nema says, it’s going to be fat Nema resurrected in Hawaii. GG says she got fun headbands for the girls, and tattoos for the guys. MJ chooses a headband with flamingos, and I want that one too. Reza approaches MJ, and says he wants a grown up conversation with two people who are special to him. He asks why MJ and Destiney are still engaging with someone who didn’t have his best interest at heart? We flash back to two minutes ago, when Destiney, Ali, and MJ got together, and in Destiney’s interview, she says she tells Reza everything. MJ wonders, instead of confronting his friend of thirty years, why isn’t he saying Ali must be full of sh*t? Why didn’t he come to her? Reza asks why MJ and Ali are super tight, and in MJ’s interview, she says few people showed up at her father’s deathbed. Ali showed up in ways none of her other friends did. MJ says Reza has done stuff to her in the past, but when he came for her, she did nothing. There are certain things she resents, but if she wanted to get mad and screw him over, she would have done it then.

Mike says, this is killing him, and Paulina asks if they’re done. Everyone disperses, and Mike tells them to figure out the room situation among themselves. The rooms are incredible, and the views are stunning. I can’t imagine ever being rich enough to go there, but if that happened, you’d have a hard time prying me out. MJ tells Reza, he’s literally the worst. Reza asks, how? He’s apologizing, and owning every bit. MJ asks where was the call she deserved? Reza says she should have told him that she was feeling five kinds of ways, and she says she wanted him to be in the delivery room. He says he wanted to be, and it broke his heart. In Reza’s interview, he says he didn’t go to see MJ in the hospital because they weren’t in a good place. We flash back to Reza calling MJ while she was recovering, and grilling her about Ali. MJ says she saw him making a huge choice not get clarity from her, but they both lacked empathy. Reza says, it’s unimaginable that his closest friend entertained someone who did something not positive to him. The outcome was sh*tty and effed up. He wants to own his part in that, and that it affected her life in a negative way. MJ says she didn’t think about what he was going through, since she was wrapped up in what she going through. Reza says that’s all he needed. From the bottom of his heart, he forgives everyone, and apologizes with his whole heart. He did to Ali the same thing Tommy did; stand up for his spouse. It made him see Tommy in a different light, and let go of the anger. That’s all he needed from her; to own her part. They can take baby steps; time and action. In Reza’s interview, he says, Adam wants nothing to do with MJ. Now he feels that he has the insurmountable task of respecting his husband’s wishes, and getting back to a beautiful place with his best friend of thirty years who’s gone. Reza asks if MJ doesn’t think this is amazing. MJ says their realization that they both lacked empathy is a breakthrough. Reza says, a big breakthrough.

Next time, fire eaters and sea life, surfing lessons, GG flirts with Nema; and Mike says, there’s lots of sh*t talking and he wants them to act right.

🍸 On Watch What Happens Live tonight, the word of the night was Reza. They said it a total of 33 times. Andy said if we were playing, don’t drive, but I say, if you were playing, you’re probably dead.

🙌🏾 Some Happy News…

Sheree’s mom has been found.

👠 A New Wife In the Hills…

I really liked Garcelle. She might end up being a saving grace of the show, although it’s only the first week.

Photo gallery.

Dishing the dirt.

👨🏻‍⚕️ Botched Quarantine…

If anyone can entertain themselves, these two can.

👰🏼 Marriage Postponement…

She’s not getting married unless it can be televised.

🍼 New Nassif On the Way…

Take two for Paul.

💋 Kyle Pours the Tea…

I find it doubtful she and LVP will ever be friends again.

🛣 Memories…

Before their faces consisted only of fillers and Botox.

💰 In Defense of Profit…

Because they need money after building that humongous house.

🥣 She Don’t Wanna Start a Fight…

Pink gives back.

🎭 On Broadway…

A quarantinable reminder from the Great White Way.

📣 Quotes of the Week

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen

Without music, life would be a mistake. – Friedrich Nietzsche

I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them.Pablo Picasso

People are telling me I’m viral, but I say, don’t worry, I’m fine. – Leslie Jordan, new internet sensation

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts. – Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Helping my son with his math homework makes me wish homework and numbers and children didn’t exist. – Mike (@dadandburied), on Twitter

Not everyone you lose is a loss. – Dr. Phil

The struggles we endure today will be the ‘good old days’ we laugh about tomorrow. – Aaron Lauritsen (Ain’t it the truth!)

🪁 It’s Still Just the Weekend To Me…

No Dead on Sunday yet, so see you when it’s Sailing time. Stay safe, and get out of those PJs.

April 16, 2020 – Snake Not On a Plane, Sonja Was Not a Trophy Wife, John’s Choice, Chefs Go To Market, Camp Coming & Closer


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I swear, I could get up at 5 am, and still be running late around 3 pm. I missed the beginning, but from what I could hear, it sounded like they were just reviewing the end of yesterday’s episode.

At the hospital, Michael tells Sasha it would be nice to paint Nelle as a demon, and have her banished to a parallel dimension. Sasha says she can picture Diane making that argument, and Michael says, Diane is so good, she’d probably make it halfway through the argument before the judge would realize, and hold her in contempt. Sasha likes the Wizard of Oz approach. Bringing Nelle and Michael up front, and dumping a bucket of water on them, to see who doesn’t melt. Carly comes by, and says, that sounds good. Sasha says she’s getting punchy, and Carly says, long hours at the hospital will do that. Who wouldn’t want to see Nelle turn into a green puddle? Michael gets serious, and says he can’t afford to think like that. If he’s wrong, Wiley pays.

At Violet’s party, Maxie tells Robert, now that Obrecht is going to the Hague, can he drop his vendetta against Peter? He says he doesn’t have a vendetta, but she says, whatever he’s calling it, instead of treating Peter like a suspect, why doesn’t he see what they have in common? He says, those they love? and she says, besides that. He says he can’t think of anything, and she says Obrecht tried to kill them both. Robert is used to bouncing back, but Peter has suffered enough. He says, that’s a matter of opinion, and Maxie says she’s known Robert literally her entire life. He says that’s why he wants what’s best for her, and she says he needs to accept what’s best for her is her own decision; like she needs to accept he’ll never see Peter for the wonderful man he is. We flash back to Robert asking Anna if it ever occurred to her that Peter could be Alex’s son. It’s her big chance to sever all ties to Faison. Anna says she’ll never abandon Peter, and Robert says, Peter is an adult, and every bit as treacherous and sadistic as his father. We move to Peter saying, Robert knows he went to Pentenville to visit Shiloh, and Robert saying, but he doesn’t know why. Why doesn’t Peter shine some light on that? We go to Robert telling Peter that his family doesn’t see the dark side of him, but they will. Peter says it kills Robert that the people he cares about, care about and love Peter. There’s nothing he can do to convince Robert, so let those they care about speak for him. Robert says Peter thinks highly of himself. It was Faison’s undoing, and will be Peter’s too. Next, Robert tells Anna that something is wrong. If she wants to deny what’s in front of her face, that’s one thing, but if she denies what’s in her heart, it might come back to bite her. We shift to Robert asking Anna how long Jason has been suspicious, and telling her that she has a Peter-sized blind spot. It’s going to get her into trouble, and when Peter goes down, Robert doesn’t want Anna going with him. There are things in the works, and they’re going to show her what her would-be son is really like. We flash back to Robert accusing Peter of shopping his deal with Sam and Jason to the AG. Peter asks why it matters, unless Robert is up to something shady. Robert thanks Peter for getting him off this production. Now it’s just Peter and Jason. He knows Jason is a trained killer, and Jason knows the truth. He’s coming to get Peter, and this time Anna’s not going to be able to save his sorry butt. In the present, Robert tells Maxie, she’s right. He’s never going to see what she does. Good party. He leaves, she sighs, and Peter walks in, no doubt from listening in the next room.

In the park, Chase tells Willow, maybe they shouldn’t have gone to the party. She says they couldn’t have missed Violet’s birthday extravaganza, but he says he sees what it did to her. She says, it’s not the party; it’s the day. He should go back. He says, and leave her alone? but she says she can handle a walk by herself; she’s resourceful. He says she’s one of the most resourceful people he knows, but it’s how it weighs on her that Nelle might get custody. She says, it’s one thing if Nelle objects to elective surgery, but what if Wiley gets worse and she still refuses? He says, Michael has excellent lawyers, and she says, but what if it’s not enough? He says she’s been more of a mother to Wiley than Nelle, and she says, but she’s not his mother.

Olivia sees Robert heading for the door, and says, sneaking out? He says, guilty. He needs her to do him a big favor. She says, it depends on what it is, and he says he has some pressing business to take care of, but he doesn’t want to disappoint Violet or Anna. She says he could play the didgeridoo one more time, and see how Anna feels. He says it’s complicated, and he needs a bit of a cover created. If someone asks if they’ve seen him, she can say she saw him in the kitchen or the garden. If she does that, he would be so much in her debt. She likes the sound of that, and says she’s got it.

On the phone, Peter says he needs the distraction now. The sooner the better. Make it happen.

Aiden goes inside, and Charlotte follows, but Ava is behind her with Avery. Ava says she’s been telling Avery about Charlotte’s horse. It’s too soon for Avery to have lessons, but Avery loves horses. Avery says she and her grandfather had a sleepover with them in the stables. Ava says maybe Avery could watch Charlotte ride, or maybe have a horse of her own. Charlotte tells Avery, the back stall at Windymere is the best. Butterscotch used to have it, but Charlotte doesn’t live there anymore. Avery asks if Charlotte used to live in the big house, and Ava says, Charlotte did, but she and Nikolas live in the house now. She takes Avery back to the party.

Aiden reaches for the piñata, but Charlotte says, don’t touch it! He says he’s not going to hurt it, and she says she’s sorry she yelled. There’s a big surprise in there, and everybody needs to be here to see it.

Jason tells Sonny, he gave Anna a heads up for him, and she said thank you. She hasn’t seen anything out of order, but she’ll keep her eyes open. Then, a half hour later, Cyrus called, asking to meet with Sonny, and for Jason to relay the message. Sonny says, one thing about Cyrus, he’s doing it the right way.

Maxie tells Peter, he missed Georgie getting her fortune told. It was quite an event, but she has it on video. He says he has Invader business to tend to, and she asks if he has to duck out. He promises it’s important, and says he already told Anna goodbye. She says she’ll stay and sit back, watching the kids fight for candy like a teeny Hunger Games, where no one has to die. He says he’ll see her later. We flash back to Maxie in the cemetery, thanking Peter for saving her and the baby, and saying, Nathan would thank him too. We move to her saying that she’s lucky to have Peter in her life, accepting the fund for Nathan, and telling him that the rest of the family will come around. Peter feels the baby kick, and Maxie says she keeps wondering who he’ll be like; her or Nathan. Peter guesses, a little of both, and she says she can’t wait to meet him. Peter says, that makes two of them. Next, Peter asks Maxie to accompany him to the Nurses Ball, Maxie goes into labor on the way, and Peter delivers the baby by the side of the road. We flash back to Maxie telling Peter that she had to atone for mistakes she made too. He says she’s come a long way; maybe there’s hope for him too. We go through their relationship so far; Peter saying she’s his only true friend, and he’ll forever be sorry for hurting her; Maxie saying that being stuck in the elevator with him, personalized her being done with bitterness, and considering she’s been forgiven, it’s her only way to pay it forward; Peter telling Maxie that he cares more about her than anyone he’s ever cared for, and Maxie saying he’s the first person who’s made her feel this way since Nathan; Peter taking Maxie to Paris on a private jet, but them getting stuck in Toronto instead. We see their first kiss, deciding to move in together, and their first Christmas when Maxie gave Peter a personalized stocking, telling him that he’s officially family and she loves him. He tells her that he never had one, and it’s funny how the smallest things get you. We end with Maxie telling Peter, nobody can come between them, except them.

Robert sneaks into Peter and Maxie’s place. We flash back to Anna telling him that he’s targeting Peter, and asking, why can’t he accept the official story? Why can’t he leave it alone? He says he can’t, and she says, there’s no immediate danger or imminent threat. He’s looked the other way before. There’s no reason for him to be digging, except for his almighty ego, and need to be right. He says he’s not going to watch her wreck herself for a murdering SOB. In the apartment, he says, okay, Henrik. Let’s see what you’re hiding.

Franco asks Aiden, what’s up? and tells him to grab the piñata. Aiden tells him, Charlotte said to leave it alone, and Franco suggests they look at it. Ava tells Elizabeth, if someone had said years ago, that Franco would find happiness showing a child a non-violent piñata, she wouldn’t have believed it. Elizabeth says, he’s changed, and Ava says he’s truly, genuinely happy, and it’s all because of Elizabeth. Elizabeth says, they’re pretty happy together, and Ava wishes she could say the same about her and Nikolas. In the beginning, she thought they were a good match; two outsiders, comforting each other. Now she’s not so sure. Elizabeth says they’re completely different people. Ava is an extrovert, and Nikolas has spent his life under the mercy of other people’s opinions. If he did something bad, it wasn’t bad enough, but if he did something good, it wasn’t good enough. He’s given up on his better angel from time to time. Ava says, no wonder he’s lonely. He puts up a great front, but when he’s home alone, he walks through the house, practically haunting it. He had such high hopes for his return, and he got what he wanted, but no one was happy for him. Elizabeth says, he did some reprehensible things. He should have thought twice about it, if he didn’t want to be held accountable. Ava thinks Nikolas thinks so too. It’s taking its toll. There’s an emptiness she can’t reach.

Chase tells Willow, it’s okay, but she says, it’s not. Wiley’s not a person to Nelle. He’s a means to an end; a weapon to use against Michael and his family. He knows Nelle better than anyone. Does he think if the worst happens, and Nelle gets Wiley, she can look past her selfish needs, and think about Wiley’s best interests? She sure as hell doesn’t. We flash back to Nelle in Charlie’s, saying she wants to change Wiley’s name to William; he’ll adjust. Willow tells her, Wiley is a person, and Nelle says she’s sick of Willow and her self-righteousness. She’ll raise Wiley how she pleases, and Willow needs to remember that her son is dead, and stay the hell away from Nelle’s. Willow throws a drink on Nelle. In the park, she tells Chase, sorry she keeps going on about it. Between her and Michael, it’s probably all he hears. He says, there’s a simple solution. It’s not easy, but the way to improve Michael’s chances in fighting Nelle is for Willow to marry him.

Michael tells Carly and Sasha, he keeps going back to Diane’s strategy. It won’t do any good to make Nelle look bad; he has to look good. Carly says, it’s not an acrimonious divorce. It’s not he said she said. Nelle’s crimes are a matter of public record. He says, if he piles it on Nele, it might make the judge more sympathetic. If he calls her out for the horrible, deranged things she’s done, it could backfire, and she could be seen as a victim. We flash back to Nelle being in the hospital, and Michael saying he’s not going anywhere. We move to Nelle saying she admires Carly as a mother. She made a mistake, but at least understand that she wanted to name the baby Morgan to honor him. Let her make things right. We see Nelle telling Michael, their son didn’t make it, and saying the crash killed him. It’s Michael’s fault. He was too busy trying to get her to confess. He says, she’s blaming him? Jonah is dead because of her. She says he was the one driving. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s his. He hated her so much, he killed their baby. He’s ruined everything. We flash back to Nelle in jail, telling Carly, if only she’d known Jonah was alive. Brad ripped him from the safety of her arms. Carly says Nelle will never see Wiley again, and if the legal system doesn’t do it, she will. At the hospital, Carly tells Michael, Nelle is a master victim, and Michael says he has to show the court the reason he’s the best parent for Wiley.

Willow says, Chase told Sasha it was insane, but he says he’s had time to think. He sees Willow agonizing over Wiley, but it’s not his decision to make; it’s hers. If she wants to help, she’s got to marry Michael. If her decision is not to marry him, she’s got to take a step back, and let it be Michael’s problem, not hers. We flash back to Michael telling Willow, Nelle is great at faking it, but she’s the real thing. It’s like saccharine versus sugar. One tastes fine, until you have the real thing. She’s the real thing, and the judge would see her love for Wiley.

Sonny says Cyrus knows better than to contact him, so he’s using Jason as a go-between. Jason asks, why risk it? and Sonny asks if he thinks it’s a risk. Jason says Cyrus ambushed Sonny once, he could do it again. Sonny says, maybe Cyrus wants peace, and Jason says, on his terms. Sonny says, if they were his terms, Cyrus would be gone, and Cyrus knows this. Jason says, Cyrus just got out of prison. The last thing he wants is to be charged with another crime. Sonny could call his bluff by making a concession. Sonny says, that’s not going to happen. He needs to know Cyrus’s next move.

The kids gather around the piñata, and Finn says it’s the moment they’ve been waiting for. Is everybody ready? Anna asks if Violet wants to be first, but Violet says, let somebody else go. Anna spins Violet around, and she points to Charlotte. Charlotte suggests Avery have her turn, but Olivia says if they start messing with the rules, somebody’s feelings will get hurt. Charlotte approaches the piñata, takes a ribbon, and pulls.

Jason tells Sonny, Cyrus is fresh out of prison, far from his base of operations, and lost an expensive shipment. Sonny says, his partners are unhappy, and Jason says, Cyrus can’t come after Sonny unless he knows it will work. It’s Sonny’s city, and he has all the advantages. Sonny says, not all. Cyrus has the Police Commissioner under his thumb. Jason says, Jordan could give Cyrus room to maneuver, and clamp down on them. If Cyrus is free to operate, over time, it could hurt them. Sonny says, that’s the key – over time.

Aiden pulls a piñata ribbon, but nothing happens. Franco tells him, it’s okay. He’s in a perfect position to dive for candy. Violet is spun around, and points to another child. Charlotte looks nervous, but the other kids keep taking a turn, and nothing happens. Danny pulls a ribbon, but still nothing, and now Charlotte is like, come on. Avery is up, but the piñata still doesn’t open. It’s Violet’s turn, and Anna asks where Robert is. He’ll want to see this. Olivia says she thinks he’s on the patio.

Robert looks around, and opens drawers. The front doorknob turns.

The kids chant Violet’s name. She pulls a ribbon, and candy rains down. The kids drop to the floor, scrambling for it. Ava says, it’s precious, and digs in her bag, presumably for her camera. She drops the bag, and Nagini slithers out. Everyone screams, and Charlotte smiles.

On Monday, Robert confronts Spinelli about looking for dirt on Peter (we assume it’s Spinelli whose jiggling the doorknob), Laura tells Lulu that Valentin wants the same thing they all do, and Valentin tells Nikolas to stay away from his daughter.

Tomorrow, the episode from January 17, 2018 is listed in the guide. I can’t decipher exactly which one it is, since the blurb is vague, but it’s around the time of Jim Harvey and Nathan being revealed as Obrecht and Faison’s son.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Ramona has made plans for the women to visit a vineyard. In her interview, she says she wants to make sure they’re not bored and fighting, so they’re going to a winery. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, surprise, surprise. LuAnn woke up complaining about her room. We see a clip where – horrors! – the Countess saw a spider, and tells everyone she’s going to the chiropractor. The women take a limo, and go to the vineyard restaurant for lunch. Leah orders merlot. In her interview, she says she’s not an alcoholic, but didn’t like what alcohol was doing to her life. She stopped drinking, but now drinks when she wants, and she’s been drinking a bit over the last six months. Ramona gets a text from LuAnn saying she can’t make it. She got her neck cracked, and the doctor told her to take it easy. She’ll see them later. In Leah’s interview, she asks, in what world would you invite someone battling sobriety to a winery, and act surprised when they don’t want to go? It’s not a big riddle. Dorinda says after only 24 hours, they got Leah to drink. Ramona says, the weekend isn’t over yet. I didn’t see them pour Leah’s wine, but WTF? It’s like maybe two sips. Either she guzzled something when I wasn’t looking, or they are cheap with a pour. At a winery. In Ramona’s interview, she says bonding means opening up with what they’re feeling inside, and we flash back to her and Bethenny discussing their fathers. She says, that’s how they get close and get to know one another, rather than talking about superficial stuff.

Ramona tells the women, she came from a disruptive household. Growing up, she would play music, and look out the window at the clouds, wondering what was out there for her. Years later, driving back from the Hamptons, she felt like she was sixteen again, questioning what was going on with her life. Dorinda says she has goosebumps, and Ramona tells them, she said, mommy, help me. Sonja is impressed with the self-realization, and says she’d thought Ramona was avoiding the topic. In Ramona’s interview, she says it’s important in life to feel safe with a person, and it scares her that she doesn’t have that in her life. Tinsley says she has the same feeling, and she doesn’t even have a child. At least all of them have had those things, and checked them off. Ramona says, it’s not a box you check, and Dorinda says she enjoys Tinsley, but she has frustration with her. It’s like how they were talking about icebergs on the Discovery channel. As big and beautiful as they are on the surface, 90% of them are under water. She feels like she’s only seeing the tip of Tinsley. It’s not about being nosey, but getting to know her. Sonja says she didn’t even know Tinsley had a new boyfriend.

Tinsley says, Bruce is from Chicago, and has three children and two ex-wives. She’s never really been around children, and was surprised she could deal with that, and be a part of the family. She doesn’t know if it’s going to be long term; she’s not used to being one of an army of people, and wonders, where does she fit in? Leah thinks Brett is being selfish. We see a clip of Leah asking Tinsley if she feels like she’s wasting her time, and Tinsley says she always feels that way. She tells the women, she probably won’t have her own kid with this guy. Every time she sees him, it’s with his family, and she needs alone time with him. Leah says, they’re also socializing with his friends. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she doesn’t like being sixth on the totem pole.

It’s Leah’s turn, and she tells everyone, after high school, her parents sent her to rehab. When they came to get her, they told her she wasn’t coming home. In her interview, she says she was an effed up teenager, and put her parents through hell. They told her that they couldn’t have her disrupting her brother’s and sister’s lives. She tells the women, her parents told her that they couldn’t have her there, and took her to a halfway house run by nuns. They drove her to a nunnery in Upstate New York, and drove off. She wondered what was happening to her life, but later realized that her mother was trying to save her life. She had to face the consequences of the things she was doing, but it gave her perseverance. She’s been though the worst. In Ramona’s interview, she says Leah had the vulnerably to confide in them, and she has empathy, since she went through a bit of that herself

Dorinda gets weepy, and says she needs another napkin. She’s been crying for a month, and doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. She says she’s scared every day, and starts to cry. Leah asks what she’s scared of, and Ramona comes around the table and hugs her. Dorinda says everyone thinks she’s strong and able. She’s the anchor for everyone’s boat, but sometimes she wants to be the boat, and be anchored by someone else. Ramona says Dorinda is overwhelmed, and Dorinda says she’s always running the show. Ramona says Dorinda does for everybody, and in Dorinda’s interview, she says, life is heavy. She wakes up worried, and goes to bed worried, and has no one to share the burden with. John never had these kinds of responsibilities. She’s tapped out. Leah says the pressure is always on women to do everything.

Ramona says Sonja is next. Sonja says she’s at the point Ramona was, wondering how she got there. She runs around, pays the bills, and has one foot in the nursing home. She didn’t sign up for this. Then you die. Dorinda says, she thought they were supposed to be expressing their hearts, and Leah wonders where the oxygen tank is. In her interview, Dorinda says, Sonja has had a couple of drinks, and she’s talking about everything except what makes her vulnerable. Stop her. Ramona looks at her phone, and says she’s checking on where she’s having her party. In her interview, she says she’s having a fabulous cocktail party at Joe Ferrell’s home. It’s stunning, and the women’s mouths are going to drop.

Back at the house, Tinsley tells Leah, she went on a date with Joe, and it was the lamest date ever. It was a basketball game. Leah says, and he didn’t even feed her or anything. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she found out he’d also dated Bethenny. He wasn’t her type, and she doesn’t think he drinks either.

LuAnn gets back, and in her interview, she says she didn’t want to miss any bonding, but she’s glad she took care of her neck. She didn’t sleep well, and between the spiders and the smell, she’s not comfortable. Dorinda asks how Ramona’s afternoon was, and Ramona admits she had had date. In her interview, Dorinda says she’s never seen a person slip in and out of dates so quickly. It’s like sliding doors. We flash back to Ramona leaving various events for a date, and Dorinda says, it’s impressive. Ramona says he was Persian, sexy, and more flirtatious than she is.

Ramona tells LuAnn to come to her bathroom to do makeup. LuAnn goes upstairs, and in her interview, Ramona says LuAnn’s floral dress does not belong in the Hamptons. It belongs in Nantucket or Atlanta. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she’s glad she missed lunch. By the looks of it, Sonja was over-served, and they’re not even at the party yet.

On the way to the party, in one limo, Ramona tells Dorinda that Joe is a major developer. In the other limo, LuAnn tells Sonja that she’s interested to see the house. Sonja says, Ramona is a social butterfly, who needs to be knocked down a notch. It’s not a good look. Sonja says she’s trying to hang onto her long term friends, but Ramona is more interested in the rent-a-crowd, party filler people. In Sonja’s interview, she says, Ramona is showing off her fancy friends, but it’s just another boring party, with stiff people, and a lot of small talk. She thinks Ramona forgot what’s important in life.

The house, named Sandcastle, is massive, and there’s a humongous mirror in the entryway. Ramona says she’s in love with it, which is no surprise. LuAnn says the house is for sale, and Sonja says no wonder they were invited. She realizes that the four of them sharing the limo – her, LuAnn, Tinsley, and Leah – all have mug shots. Leah’s says, it’s a bunch of weird white people, and in her interview, she says, it’s not the type of party she’s used to. It’s weird Eyes Wide Shut sh*t. By the end, she’s going to be taken to a back room and made to be someone’s bitch. (I just have to interject that I had a hard time keeping my eyes wide open when I saw Eyes Wide Shut. It wasn’t nearly as interesting as I thought it would be, and that one-note piano score was sleep inducing.) Sonja is disappointed that there’s no gin, and goes for Tito’s. Ramona introduces everyone, and Sonja says she’s being so formal. In Tinsley’s interview, she says, Sonja lived like Ramona is pretending to. Sonja tells Ramona, they might be in a $39 million home, but act like she’s in her $7 million home; she likes to be down-to-earth. In Ramona’s interview, she says, with Sonja, she has to bring herself down, while with her other friends, she has to elevate herself.

Ramona accuses Leah of chewing gum, like it’s a crime, and Leah says, no, she’s not. She walks outside with Tinsley, and says she swallowed it. Ramona’s eyes scared the hell out of her. She saw Ramona’s eyes, and just swallowed the gum. Ramona just scolded her, but she’s not from the royal family. Inside, Sonja says she thinks Leah is classy, but doesn’t look classy; she’s rough around the edges. Ramona thanks Joe for letting her use the house. In her interview, Tinsley says, it’s weird seeing Joe. She thinks he and Ramona would make a good couple. The way Ramona is batting her lashes, he seems to be into it. She tells Leah, Ramona is flirting as usual. In her interview, Leah says, Joe seems like a nice older gentlemen. Men who are short and unattractive still have women running after them if they have money. It’s the world we live in. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, it’s hard not to drink. The bar is there, and everyone is drinking. She was hoping Leah would be her wingman by not drinking, but it’s not happening. She’s lost her sober companion.

Ramona gathers everyone for a house tour, and they check out the bowling alley in the basement. The women are impressed, and Joe says his house just made him hotter. In her interview, Leah says, exhibit A. She rests her case. Tinsley is having a hard time bowling in heels, and gets a gutter ball. On the way downstairs, Dorinda tells LuAnn that she thinks touring houses is tacky. In her interview, Dorinda says she lived with her husband in London, and they don’t do house tours. You see the living room and the dining room, and maybe the kitchen. Maybe. LuAnn and Dorinda do some bowling, and LuAnn gets a strike. In another room, Joe shows them a half pipe he had put in for his son, and a DJ booth. There’s also a swing that can be hoisted to the ceiling, and when Ramona goes up in it, it makes me nervous. It’s not like there’s a seat belt.

Mutual friend Elyse joins them, and Dorinda says she was married to a hedge fund guy. They discuss clothes, and Elyse says she’s not a huge shopper. Investments, yes; clothes, no. Sonja says her husband always bought her clothes, and Elyse says Sonja was his accessory. Sonja takes offense, insisting they were partners. Elyse says Sonja was a trophy wife, and Sonja starts to get loud, telling Elyse to clip it. Elyse says, Sonja brought men to their knees, and Sonja keeps repeating, take it back, until Elyse takes it back. Sonja says, Tinsley was a trophy wife, which annoys Tinsley. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she and Topper met at boarding school, and they were the same age. Sonja was a hostess when she met her husband, who was a hundred. That’s the definition of a trophy wife. Sonja announces that she doesn’t shave her p*ssy. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, Sonja is drunk, but she doesn’t think Elyse should be talking like that. It’s no one’s business to pass judgement on what roll any of them played in their husbands’ lives. LuAnn tells Dorinda, Sonja is off the rails, and shouldn’t have kept drinking. She’s going to be out like a light. Dorinda says, or it will be batten down the hatches.

The women check out the buffet, and LuAnn wants someone to tell her why she left her own beautiful house to spend the weekend in Ramona’s basement. It smells like dog piss. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, the room is also fully stocked with liquor. She noticed. Sonja tells Ramona to go sit with her rich friends. She’s treating them like chicken liver. Everyone is like, um… that’s chopped liver. In Ramona’s interview, she says, when Sonja acts like this, it’s no wonder she’s not invited to certain events. Sonja says they’re not important to Ramona, and Dorinda says, Sonja is on a roll. Leah sits down, and Sonja points to a young guy sitting at the table, saying he wants to have sex with her. Leah says, who wouldn’t want to have sex with her? In Leah’s interview, she says, watching Sonja eye-f*** this dude is the best part of the whole party. She wonders if Sonja would say, never mind, if he had a tattoo. She doesn’t think so. The guy asks if Sonja wants a drink, and Ramona suggests he get Sonja some club soda. Sonja tells him, just show her his driver’s license, and they’re good to go. She has an amazing vagina. LuAnn joins them, wondering what’s happening, and Sonja asks how her p*ssy is. LuAnn looks down, and says, it’s all still there. Sonja says she stole the show, but they’re not getting laid tonight. It’s all quite astonishing. And astonishing that Sonja is invited anywhere.

In her interview, Leah says, Sonja is not just entertaining, she’s embarrassing. They get up from the table, and Sonja says Ramona is a party popper [sic]. Ramona says, the party is over, and Sonja says, Ramona is over. She tries to latch on to a guy going past, and LuAnn says he’s married and has a baby. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, it’s like Godzilla has been let loose, and Godzilla is drunk. Ramona steers them all out, and a guy named Eddie asks if every night is like this.

Sonja tries to go back, but Dorinda says, no, you’re not. Sonja says Dorinda is getting in between her and her vagina. Dorinda wonders why Sonja does this to herself – and them.

I’ve been wondering why I like this show when it’s just as drama laden as RHOBH. The lightbulb came on just now. The women are just as self-centered, and sometimes as mean, as the women in Beverly Hills. But when they’re mean, it’s because they want attention or they’re thoughtless – not because they’re deliberately being cruel or want to get back at each other. Huge difference. Same drama, but different intention. It’s kind of like the difference between 2 Broke Girls and King of Queens. The people are both awful, but on 2 Broke Girls, you know when push came to shove, they’d do anything for one another or even to help a stranger. On King of Queens, they’d trample each other to get to a fire exit. But they’re not real, so it can be funny. Okay, digression – and commercial break – over.

It’s 10 am, when Dorinda knocks on Ramona’s door. She says, there’s a problem. LuAnn left, and she’s written an out-of-control text. Ramona says she saw a car pull out last night, and thought someone stole her car. Dorinda doesn’t know why she was cc’d, and reads the text addressed to Ramona. LuAnn says, it’s not the fish room part two. She has an amazing home, and there, she had to share a bathroom with someone she didn’t know or be in the basement, where there’s dog piss and spiders. She’s always lowest on the totem pole when it comes to rooms. Ramona says she asked LuAnn if she wanted a room on the  ground floor, and thinks LuAnn just wanted to go home. Dorinda wonders why LuAnn can’t just say she doesn’t want be downstairs, and that it feels lonely. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, LuAnn always has an issue with the room. We flash back to Vermont, when LuAnn whined that she was just married and back from Palm Springs, so her room could have been nicer; and Great Barrington, where LuAnn griped that the best room was being saved for Bethenny, who’d just been through a tragedy. Dorinda says, and Ramona’s house. Dorinda thinks there’s a theme going on here.

Ramona calls LuAnn, and gets voicemail. Dorinda tells her to be careful with what she says. Ramona says she hopes LuAnn got home safe. She’s sorry LuAnn felt isolated, and that she wasn’t being more aware of how LuAnn felt. She was concentrating on superficial things, when it was important to bond, and she never meant to make LuAnn feel that way. She asks LuAnn to come back, and she’ll try to make it up to her. I’m kind of surprised, since Ramona actually sounds sincere. She tells Dorinda that LuAnn felt rejected, and she gets that. In her interview, Ramona says she doesn’t want LuAnn to feel bad. She was preparing for eight women, cooking, cleaning, and shopping, and effed up.

Sonja wonders what happened last night, and thinks she had a great time. Ramona asks if she’s straight yet, and tells her about LuAnn leaving at 1 am. In Sonja’s interview, she says LuAnn was humbled by her probation for ten seconds. Now everything’s not good enough. Sonja reads the text, and they all want to see the basement, and troop downstairs. Sonja deems it a party palace. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, it was either sleeping in the guest room, or being home. A bed, television, and bathroom is enough.

Ramona’s phone rings. It’s LuAnn.

Next time, Ramona and LuAnn have a tennis match; a cute dog groomer comes to groom Marley, and LuAnn says she’d like to be groomed; a game of beer pong is played; Leah goes off the deep end; and Ramona wails over the remnants of a very messy party.

📡 John Olivier and LuAnn were guests on Watch What Happens Live (quarantine edition), and John was too funny. He was enthralled with next week’s RHONY preview, and how it went from, I think there’s vodka in that, to I think she’ll be okay, to a naked Leah pulling a tiki torch out of the ground, to a guy nobody knows saying, I think I should go. He said, if someone would ask which he liked better, that or Parasite, he would say Parasite, but he’d be lying.

👨🏾‍🍳 On Top Chef, the chefs arrived to find stations for each of them, with utensils, aprons, and tablets. They each got a phone call from a loved one; wives, moms, sisters, and friends, and chatted for a while. Padma came in and told them to gather around. Their loved ones were going to be an integral part of the Quickfire challenge. They were all at Mozza, an upscale restaurant, and the chefs would have to replicate whatever dish their person was eating, using their instructions given over the phone. The dish had to look and taste the same, but a photo couldn’t be texted. They had thirty minutes to cook the dish, which I probably don’t have to point out, isn’t very long. As usual, the winner would be exempt from elimination, but they would also receive $10K courtesy of the show’s partner, Metro. Kevin said the run for ingredients reminded him of the streets of Manhattan; everyone was running around like lunatics, wearing headphones, and screaming at someone no one else could see. Since each loved one had a different set of communication skills, it was pretty funny to watch the chefs try to decipher what it was they were going to make. After cooking/plating time was up, a photo of the dish was texted to them, so they could see how close they came. Guest judge Nancy Silverton, owner of the Mazzo restaurant group, and whose dishes were being reproduced, was introduced. Bryan had a totally different dish, so it was the least favorite, but Nancy made a point of saying it was still delicious. Kevin was the winner (aw! I like him), and he called his wife, saying that her being super detail oriented panned out. In his interview, he said his successes had always been because of her, and he was glad they got the opportunity to enjoy the victory together.

Nancy explained that, in addition to her restaurants, she was also an entrepreneur. She had the Bakery Bread company, and was starting a gelato line called Nancy’s Fancy. The chefs were to create a signature product to bring to the Westfield Century City Food Festival. They would be giving out samples of food using their creation, and the shoppers would each get one ticket to receive one product. The chefs’ loved ones would assist them in the making of the product, and they were given $600 to shop at Whole Foods. While making dumplings, the kitchen got a little too hot for Lee Anne’s mom, who came close to fainting, and had to lie down. In Lee Anne’s interview, she said her mom was her main consideration, but she still had to be in the competition – alone – and finish a million dumplings. Okay, it was really 150. Several of the others came to rescue, and she said she was touched that she had great people willing help. I was pretty impressed with that myself. Afterwards, Bryan ranked the others in a notebook, no surprise, putting himself at the top. He’s starting to get on my nerves.

At the food festival, the chefs labeled their products. Melissa ended up being the top seller, receiving tickets for 31 bottles of kimchee vinaigrette. She said she’d wanted to create a versatile product, which seemed to be key. Nancy picked Gregory as the winner of the challenge with some Haitian pickled veggies that I wouldn’t mind a jar of. The bottom three were Stephanie, Jennifer, and Bryan full of Malarkey. In his interview, he whined that his product sold well, and tasted amazing, because he knows better than the judges. Stephanie was told her marinara sauce was nothing different than was already out there. Bryan’s salsa whatever was oily, and Tom said it was confusing as to what he was actually selling. Stephanie’s ginger lemon sauce, which sounded like a good idea, was deemed not smooth enough by Tom, and Nancy thought Stephanie had diluted the flavor by mixing in yogurt. Tom did say he was impressed with how quickly the chefs all came up decent product on the first try, saying it had taken twelve times for him to get his first product correct. He also conceded that in a crowded market, it was hard to get something to stand out.

While I was hoping Bryan would be packing his knives and going, it was Jennifer who was moving on to Last Chance Kitchen. She says she was from Philly, and Rocky kept coming back. In her interview, she told us, the competition had done so much good for her; she’d learned a lot about herself. She started off wanting things done her way, and it motivated her to be better. She now accepted that she makes mistakes, and wanted to learn. Her best memory was going to be cooking with her sister. The loss couldn’t change how happy the challenge made her.

Next time, the elimination challenge will be a celebration of the 100th Anniversary of the L.A. Philharmonic, the chefs will pair up, and it will be a double elimination. In the preview, Lee Anne said shopping with Bryan was like shopping with monkeys on crack.

🏕 Coming May 4th

I’m hoping this isn’t like Summer House at camp, but it looks like it probably is.

👯‍♂️ But Not Too Close…

We’re getting there, and I hope in the meantime, you’re getting up and getting dressed. No slippers before 6 pm, and make that bed. Unless you don’t normally make your bed, then disregard that. Stay safe, and wear that mask with pride.