What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
On the phone, Laura tells someone that it’s important to the city and her personally. She needs the details of Nelle’s lawsuit against the hospital. She sees Robert at the bar, and says if he doesn’t mind her saying it, it doesn’t look like he’s gotten much rest. Is he throwing himself into work? He says, it seems that way. The reports of Holly’s death have been greatly exaggerated. She asks if he has any new information, and he says his gut instinct tells him Holly is very much alive.
Maxie says the shots of Sasha are spectacular. She shouldn’t have doubted that Sasha would find a way to rally. Sasha is glad she’s happy, and Maxie says Sasha was a true wreck, but found a way to see the blue skies. Valentin comes in and looks at the photos. He’s pleased they have a signature look they can capitalize on. Maxie says Lucy led her to believe Valentin was going to be a silent partner, and he says he’s not going to make a habit of it. The launch is soon, and he wanted to see the literal face of the product. He’s leaving the beauty promotion in Maxie’s capable hands while he focuses on other ventures.
Ned talks to Tracy on the phone, and says, a third party is after Dylan’s shares… He’s trying to trace them. Apparently they’re searching for other parties willing to sell. He’ll let her know if he finds anything further.
Also on the phone, Olivia says no one’s ever said anything to her like that before. Brook walks in, but Olivia doesn’t know she’s there. Olivia says, they see through to her soul like no one else can. Brook clears her throat, and Olivia says she’s got to go. Brook asks if Olivia is going to pretend she didn’t walk in on an emotional phone call, and Olivia says, it’s not what it looks like. Brook says, it sounds like Olivia is having an affair behind her dad’s back.
Jax goes to Nina’s office, and she wonders if he’s checking up on her. He asks if she’d be upset if he was. He knows it’s a big day, and she asks if he’s there to wish her good luck. She doesn’t know if she should stand up for Nelle, but if she doesn’t, who else will?
Nelle swears to tell the truth with her hand on the Bible. Willow grasps Michael’s hand, and Carly shakes her head.
Laura tells Robert, she doesn’t understand. Did the ship not sink? He tells her, that’s not what he’s saying. Mac and Anna didn’t give him the whole story. The Bureau has a theory about the ship. Laura asks if Mac and Anna believe Holly survived, and he says he didn’t say that. They don’t know his ex-wife the way he does, but until he gets information on the Bureau’s theory about who sunk the ship, he can’t find whoever’s holding her. Does Laura think he’s nuts?
Olivia says she’s not cheating on Brook’s dad; she loves Ned very much. Brook says, when she came in, she clearly heard Olivia tell someone no one has ever said that to her before. Atrocious song lyrics, but it sounds like an affair. Olivia says, this is her house, and she doesn’t need to explain herself. Brook says, it’s Monica’s house. Alan gave it to her. (I laugh.) Olivia says, so they’re both guests in Monica’s house, and Brook says, if Olivia doesn’t want to tell her, she’ll tell her dad what she heard and he can judge for himself. Olivia says Ned has enough on his plate, not to mention the trouble Brook’s caused. How many times has she been arrested? Does the PCPD have a cell with her name on it yet? Brook says, they were misunderstandings, and Olivia asks if that’s what Brook is calling assault and disturbing the peace. She’s not having an affair. She was talking to a psychic.
Valentin tells Maxie, he brings good news. Deception is going to be one of the main sponsors of the 2020 Nurses Ball. Maxie says, the exposure alone will be huge, but she also thought it would be months before their launch party. Valentin says he’s excited about the shots, and Maxie tells Sasha, whatever she did to get her head back in the game, it worked. Sasha flashes back to the being given the vial of cocaine; a little something to get her through the shoot.
Jax says Nina told him that she had second thought; he’d like her to lean into them. She asks if he thinks it’s a mistake. Doesn’t he think Nelle deserves a second chance? He says, it’s true people change, but if she’s wrong, Wiley will pay the price. She knows the risk. Not only will a child suffer, she’ll feel responsible, and he doesn’t wish that on her. She says if she doesn’t stand up for Nelle, if she treats Nelle like everyone else does, and Nelle loses, there will be virtually no chance for Nelle to turn her life around.
Martin asks Nelle to tell the court how she felt when her baby was horribly and shamefully stolen. Diane objects, saying Martin isn’t asking questions, just giving his Southern fried opinion. The judge sustains it, but tells her to please refrain from descriptive adjectives. Martin asks what Nelle’s reaction was when the son she previously thought was dead, was alive. She says she was confused at first, and so overwhelmed that her little boy was alive. But she was also incredibly hurt to think Brad orchestrated the entire thing. She thought he was her friend. He switched her baby with the boy he adopted, and watched her grieve for nearly two years. How could he be so cruel? And when he asked Michael to be Wiley’s godfather, it was untenable. (Apparently, Nelle reads.) Martin says she wasn’t the only person hurt by Brad’s actions. Her new husband believed he was Wiley’s grandfather. She says, Jules bonded with the boy he believed was his grandson. Once he found out, the pain brought them closer together. Sam and Carly look at each other. She says they were shocked, but it gave them a connection – and possibly something more.
Brook asks where Olivia found a psychic? Late night TV? She laughs, and Ned says, enough. Brook says who spends good money on someone sitting in a call center? Olivia says the psychic isn’t in a call center. She’s well-renowned, and comes highly recommended. She’s sure it’s totally legit, and how else can she find out about Dante? Brook says she’s so sorry. She didn’t stop to think. Olivia says she never does, does she? She walks away, and Ned follows. He says he knows how bad she wants to be reassured about Dante, and Olivia says she doesn’t know what to do. Her letters come back unopened, and she has no way of knowing if he’s okay, or if he’s getting better. He says he’s sorry he hasn’t been available. He’s been so busy with ELQ, obsessing over who’s trying to mount a hostile takeover of the family’s shares, he didn’t see she’s obviously in pain.
Sasha tells Maxie, it was important to Deception, and a chance to prove herself. If the company does well, so will she. She knows a lot of people don’t trust her after she deceived Nina, and wanted to use every trick in the book. Maxie says that’s why they’re lucky to have her. Maxie suddenly stumbles a little, and Peter asks if she’s okay. She says she’s just a little lightheaded; probably too much coffee. Peter says, executive decision. She needs to take a break. She says, a short one, and then back to work. They leave, and Valentin asks if Sasha is okay.
Martin asks if Nelle and Julian are in love. Nelle says she would never speak for her husband. She respects him too much for that, so she’ll let him answer. What she will say is that Julian loves Wiley deeply. She knows he’d do anything to protect and keep her son safe. They have that in common, and the way Julian talks, she knows he loves Wiley abundantly, and will make an excellent co-parent. Sam looks sick, and Nelle says, Julian loves Wiley as much as she does. She could never find anything more appealing than that.
Nina tells Jax, she knows what it’s like to have no one in your corner, and hope things work out; what it’s like to be lonely. Jax says there are a lot of words he’d use in relation to Nelle, but Nelle isn’t lonely. Nina says Nelle feels abandoned, and with no one there to back her up, she might lash out. She might go back to prison. He says, if she does, it will be her own fault. Nina isn’t responsible. Nina remembers asking Nelle if she’s blackmailing Julian, and Nelle says she had to resort to desperate measures. Nina understands what mothers do to keep their child safe, and no one should be able to take them away.
Martin asks why Nelle feels she deserves sole custody of Wiley, and Nelle says she’s already lost two years with him. Then Michael cruelly kept Wiley away from her. He’s selfish and entitled; not lessons she wants passed on to her child. She’s paid her debt to society, has an amazing job at Crimson, roots in the community, and a husband who loves her son as much she does. She wants to dedicate the rest of her life to making sure Wiley has the home family deserves. Martin tells her, well said. He has no more questions. Diane says Nelle stated she has roots in the community, and wants to dedicate the rest of her life to make sure Wiley has the best family possible. Nelle says, that’s exactly what she wants. Diane asks her to tell the court, why on the night she allegedly discovered her son was alive, she raced to the apartment where Willow was taking care of him, and assaulted Willow? And then attempted to abduct Wiley, and take him out of the country. Martin objects, saying it’s inflammatory. Diane is clearly badgering the witness with pointless verbal assaults and unfounded accusations.
Laura tells Robert, they all believed Nikolas was dead, and were proven wrong. She’s the last person to give up hope of survival. She asks if Robert has any proof other than his gut feeling? Is there evidence? I have to interject, there’s about the same amount of evidence as there was with Nikolas – no body. Robert says the evidence is there, but he needs to find it. He could use a partner. He tried Luke, but his line has been disconnected. He asks if she has Luke’s current contact, but she says, sorry; she doesn’t. She thinks his best bet is to go through Tracy.
Olivia says, since when is someone is making a play for ELQ? and Ned says he’s had his suspicions for a while. Nelle sold her shares to an anonymous third party, and Tracy has rejected several offers for Dylan’s shares. He asks if they can talk about it later, and she says, of course (🍷). He tells her, Brook had no business eavesdropping, much less criticizing, but he’s not sure it’s the best way for Olivia to get help. Olivia says she feels helpless. Rocco had a Take Your Dad to School Day. He says, and Rocco didn’t have Dante. She says, even worse. Rocco could have taken Ned or Sonny, but he took Dustin. She confronted Lulu about why she was pushing Dustin on Rocco, and Lulu said it was Rocco’s idea. She’s only been seeing Dustin a couple of months, and Rocco is already looking at Dustin like a father figure. It’s like her son is being erased. If that happens, what motivation will Dante have to get better or come home? She feels like she’s running out of time. She gets that people think psychics are stupid or silly, but the psychic is the only person telling her it’s going to be okay. He says, if what’s happening to Dante happened to Brook, he’d go crazy, but doesn’t she think it’s possible the psychic is just telling her what she wants to hear?
Brook calls Linc, and says she saw his social media. She knows he’s staying in Port Charles, and needs a face to face with him.
Valentin says, he gathers Michael married Willow, but Sasha doesn’t reply. She picks up her bag, and he says, sorry about that. She says her personal life is personal. Their break-up had nothing to do with Deception, and doesn’t affect her role as the face of the brand or as a partner. Valentin says he genuinely wanted to check on her. He’s been where she is, and knows what it’s like to lose somebody based on something you’ve done. Nothing is ever as black and white as it looks on the surface.
Jax says Nina’s impulse to stand up for Nelle is admirable, but he doesn’t think Nelle is capable of accepting kindness; she’s too damaged. The worst outcome would be if she raised Wiley to follow in her footsteps, and he turns vindictive, and incapable of love. Nina’s phone makes noise, and she says she had an alert on it. If she’s going to testify, she needs to leave now.
Martin says there’s no evidence that his client was trying to flee the country; the charges were dismissed. Diane says, they were dismissed without prejudice, meaning they can be filed again, like with Nelle’s attack on Willow. She asks if Nelle loves her husband, and Nelle says, with every fiber in her being. Diane says, as of this morning, it would seem. She has no further questions. Michael asks what about sticking to the plan, and Diane tells him it never hurts to remind the court of the plaintiff’s alleged kidnapping charges. Martin calls Julian to the stand. Julian tells Nelle, he thought he wasn’t supposed to testify, and she says, buck up. Plans change, and it’s showtime. She doesn’t have to remind him what’s at stake. He sighs, and gets up.
Martin says there are a lot of opinions on their marriage, but the only two that are relevant belong to Julian and Nelle. He asks if it’s true that they want to give Wiley a loving stable home, and that’s why they married, and Julian says, true. Martin asks if it’s also true that Julian was the nurturing figure in Wiley’s life when he’s son Lucas tragically ended up in a coma. Julian says, when Lucas was in a coma, his husband Brad was an emotional wreck, and he stepped in to fill the void. Martin asks if it’s fair to say he loves Wiley as much as Lucas, and Julian says, that’s exactly how he feels. Martin says the elephant in the room is Julian’s prison record. He was sent to Pentenville. How long since he was released? Julian says, three years, and Martin asks, in that time, has he had any brush with the law? Julian says, not so much as a speeding ticket, and Martin asks what he does for a living. He says own Charlie’s pub, and Martin says, it has historical significance in Port Charles. Julian supposes it does, and Martin asks if it’s fair to say he cleaned up his life. Julian says he has, and Martin says they all commend him for it. He has no further questions, and Diane says, yes, the elephant in the room. Drug trafficking, assault, extortion, attempted murder… Martin says, not all of those have been proven, and she says, there was enough evidence to convict Julian. She asks who Alexis is to Julian, and he says, his ex-wife. Diane says, whose throat he held a knife to, and threatened to kill, as well as helping his sister (the other) Olivia try to blow up Port Charles. Julian says he was forced to do those things, and Diane says, he’s perfect for Wiley. She’s done with the witness. Nelle tells Martin, do something.
Maxie picks at her food, and pushes the plate away. Peter says she barely ate, and she says she’s not hungry. He doesn’t want to tell her what to do, but if she’s under the weather, maybe she should see a doctor. She says she loves that he’s looking out for her, but she doesn’t need a doctor. It’s just… He says, what is it?
Olivia tells Ned, they’ll have to agree to disagree. Her opinion about psychics is just as valid as his. He says he’s not trying to change what she believes, but he doesn’t want to see anyone take advantage of her pain. She says it’s the only thing giving her comfort. The doorbell rings. It’s Robert, who apologizes for showing up unannounced. He promises it won’t take long. Olivia tells him, come in, and Ned asks, what’s going on? Robert says, it’s not public knowledge, but Holly was on a boat that sank, and is believed to be dead. Olivia says she’s sorry, and Ned asks what he can do to help. Robert says, there are certain discrepancies in the Bureau’s report that don’t add up. He’d like to ask Luke for help, but the only way to contact him is through Ned’s mother. Ned says he’s been down that road with Luke, and Luke gets scratchy if he gives out the number. He’ll call his mother, and let her know what’s up. Robert says he appreciates it, and Ned goes to make the call. Olivia asks how Robert is holding up, and he says he hates every minute. The only thing worse than accepting the fact Holly is lost is that he’ll never see her again. Why does he have the feeling he’s not the only one who’s been through the wringer today?
Linc and Brook meet at the MetroCourt. He says he’s surprised she wants to hook up with him, but she says the only thing she has in mind is business. He says their business was concluded when she bought herself out. She says he never wanted her shares. He was just a front for a third party, and she wants to know who.
Sasha says she wishes she could trust Valentin. He says, it’s not tough. Talk to Lulu. She says according to Lulu, he’s always wrong. She posed as Nina’s daughter for the money, but she also knew there was no girl being cheated out of an inheritance. She knew he truly loved Nina, and the more she got to know Nina, it was clear Nina loved him back. Even after all this, she still has sympathy for what he was trying to accomplish. Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing for the right reason. He says that’s why he hired her; she’s a good person, and he knew she’s be a good daughter for Nina. She asks if he’s not sorry, and he says he is, and he’s sorry she’s still paying the price. If it’s any consolation, the brand is going to be a massive success, and make her a very wealthy woman. She says, too bad money can’t buy happiness, and Valentin agrees. He leaves, and Sasha flashes back to Michael telling her that he loves her, and her saying she loves him too.
Julian finds Sam in the hallway messing with her phone. She turns to him, and he says, Sam, please… She hauls off and smacks him good. As we all want to.
Julian tells Sam, he understands why she slapped him, but let him explain. She says, and make a bunch of excuses? Don’t bother. He asks her to hear him out. She says she told Lucas about his new stepmom. He says he’d hoped to tell Lucas himself, but she says she saved him the time. Lucas’s exact words were, Julian is dead to him, and after listening to his ridiculous testimony, she feels the same way. He says, Sam, please… and she says, don’t Sam please her anything. The worst part is he used the most painful thing that ever happened to Lucas against him, and allowed Nelle to weaponize Wiley to use against Michael. If Nelle gets custody, she was going to say she’d never talk to him again, but been there, done that. He’s dead to her too. He says everything he’s done, he did for his kids, and she says she’s not on that list anymore. She and Lucas are better off without him in their lives, and if Leo eventually comes to the same conclusion, they’ll be there to support him.
Olivia gives Robert some coffee, and he asks if she wants to talk about it. She says Brook overheard her call a psychic, and one thing led to another. She told Ned, and he was nicer than Brook was, but ultimately, he thinks the same thing. Robert says, who’s to say she’s certifiable? Not him. He spent time in the outback, and the Aborigines are a very spiritual people. What we look upon as superstitious, they look at as a natural part of life. He asks what she hopes to find, and she says, Dante. She needs to have some hope that he’ll be okay, especially since the whole world is moving on without him. She has to keep fighting, and believing he’s okay. If the only person who gives her hope is a psychic, Robert must think she’s crazy. He says she doesn’t want to give up hope, and he doesn’t want to give up hope about Holly. There’s nothing crazy about that. Ned comes in, as Olivia takes Robert’s hand.
Brook tells Linc, it all makes sense. The way he stonewalled, then agreed to let her buy herself out. The shares weren’t for him. He’s the front man. Who’s pulling the strings? He says, whatever decision he made about the shares is none of her business. She asks who he sold them to. She’s not leaving until he gives her a name.
Valentin sees Laura at the MetroCourt, and she tells him that she’s curious. Did he get an invitation to Windymere for the unveiling of Ava’s portrait? He says he did. He thought it was a joke, but doesn’t know if it was Ava or Nikolas twisting the knife. She hopes he chooses not to go, for Charlotte’s sake. And Nikolas’s. He doesn’t need any more trouble, even though he’s asking for it. He says he threw it away. He doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone in Port Charles.
Julian goes back into the courtroom. Judge Lowe asks when they can expect Martin’s next witness, and Diane says, yes. How long are they supposed to wait for this mythical witness? Nina and Jax walk in, and Martin says, here she is now. Not so mythical after all. Quel disappointment.
Martin calls Nina to the stand. Jax sits next to Carly, who asks what the hell they’re doing. He says he has no idea.
Maxie looks at a calendar on her phone, while Peter takes a business call. When he comes back, he says she hasn’t taken another bite. Is she sure she’s okay? She says, she’s sure it’s stress from work, but maybe he’s right, and she should see a doctor.
Sasha digs in her bag, and the woman who gave her the coke appears with another vial. She says, for next time, but Sasha says, it was a one-time thing. The woman says, keep it. You never know when you’ll need another boost.
Laura calls Anna, and leaves a message to give her a call when Anna has a few minutes to talk. She ran into Robert, and to be honest, she’s worried about him.
Ned comes back, and gives Robert the number to Luke’s latest burner phone, and says Luke is expecting his call. Robert thanks him, and says he appreciates it. Olivia tells Robert to look out for himself, and he tells her to do the same. After he leaves, Ned says Olivia seems like she’s feeling better, and she says she is. She guesses you never know who will come up with the right words to say.
Linc tells Brook, it was a one-time deal, and he has zero obligation to tell her anything. The person wants to remain anonymous. She says she still hasn’t gone public with what he did to her. Powerful men have lost careers because of me-too. He asks if she’s threatening him, and Valentin comes by. He says let him take it from here, and Linc leaves. He tells Brook, he’s been looking forward to this moment. He’s heard a lot about her.
Nina is asked if she’ll tell the truth. She hesitates. She looks at Jax, then looks at Nelle. She swears to tell the truth. So help her God.
There was no preview for Monday, but tomorrow’s GH is from April 1, 2015, and contains scenes from the original first episode in 1963.
The Real Housewives of New York City
Leah meets LuAnn for lunch. Both of them aren’t feeling well, with some kind of respiratory ailments. Hmm… In Leah’s interview, she says, the orchard trip was bullsh*t. They wait for Tinsley, and order in the meantime. LuAnn says, poor Sonja, and Leah says she did it to herself. We see a clip of Sonja throwing up in the limo, way too close to Tinsley. Leah says she loves crazy, but this is bad crazy. Dorinda, Sonja, even Ramona. LuAnn says, they have their issues.
Ramona, Dorinda, and Sonja go for a workout with Ramona’s instructor Bergen. Ramona says Bergen transformed her body. Dorinda says, yesterday was a long day. Bergen puts them through their paces. How any of them can work out after what they consumed the day before is mind boggling. It’s not like they’re eighteen.
Leah tells LuAnn that she’s sympathetic and empathetic. Dorinda is grieving and dealing with the break-up, but to say what she did to Tinsley… Leah wonders where it’s coming from. LuAnn says, there’s a lot of judgment on Dorinda’s part. They have to step in and help figure it out. Tinsley joins them, also coughing.
Sonja says, this is the worst punishment ever. In her interview, she says, workouts shouldn’t even be legal. Dorinda says she thought it was beautiful yesterday, and Ramona says it was a beautiful setting. Dorinda says she thinks Ramona is concerned about Sonja, and Sonja says when she sees them go off rails. Ramona was overly friendly and flirtatious. Ramona says Sonja wasn’t in control, and past the point. She wants Sonja healthy and happy. Sonja says she has to be careful out in public. Sonja asks what was with Dorinda yelling at Tinsley, and Dorinda says Tinsley has played the victim and little girl enough. They could all be victims.
LuAnn say she’s had issues with all the women in the past, and Tinsley’s reaction is defensive and yelling. In her interview, LuAnn says, Tinsley does the wrong thing. She screeches, and Dorinda reacts with aggression because she’s annoyed. Leah thinks the real issue is that Tinsley was born into a life that Dorinda puts on a pedestal. LuAnn says, that doesn’t mean she can judge and get away with it. Leah says Tinsley has to stop being defensive. In Leah’s interview, she says, if you let people walk all over you, and don’t make them respect you, it’s never going to happen. If Tinsley stood up to Dorinda, and said, bitch, mind your own business, Dorinda would back off. She says, Tinsley needs to thug her out, and LuAnn says Tinsley screams like a child having a tantrum. Tinsley stamps her foot, and says that’s just her.
Ramona tells Dorinda, Tinsley is mentally and emotionally not her age. She feels sorry for Tinsley. Dorinda says, God helps those who help themselves (which, BTW, is found nowhere in the Bible). In Ramona’s interview, she says, Dorinda thinks Tinsley plays the victim, but Dorinda is victimizing Tinsley. She tells Dorinda, it’s challenging to be around them. Tinsley is psychologically co-dependent, and Dorinda is frustrated. Dorinda needs to take a step back. Someone didn’t give Tinsley the right tools.
Tinsley says Dorinda is doing, and she’s reacting. Leah suggests an intervention, which doesn’t get a positive reaction. LuAnn says maybe at a health spa could be cool, as long as nothing gets broken. It’s totally up to Tinsley. Leah tells Tinsley not to go Cardi B, but go Dalai Lama. Cardi Lama.
Dorinda goes to see life coach Daryl. She tells him that she recognizes where her anger is coming from; it’s frustration, and it comes out because she wants a person to be the best they can be. In her interview, she says she started with Dr. Daryl three months ago, to help her process what’s going on. It became too much, and she’s not good at asking for help. She tells Daryl that she and Tinsley are too different for her to tolerate Tinsley. Daryl says they can be respectful when they’re face to face. All we see is what’s on the surface, when underneath is a whole world we don’t know about. Dorinda says she handled it poorly because she’s going through something. In Dorinda’s interview, she says dealing with the house and the break-up is having an effect on her personality. She’s been going through the house thing for a year, and she’s not just throwing away part of her life. It’s under water, and too painful to go through, plus, it’s ruined. Daryl sees that it stirs up her emotions. Dorinda says, it’s making her angry toward people. She felt lost after Richard died, but instead of taking it on, and allowing herself to be in a sea of it, she pretended everything was okay. She didn’t acknowledge the tremendous loss, from motherhood down, that was making her angry. In her interview, Dorinda says, she never put a period on the life she once had. In the process of resurrecting the house, she had to let go of a lot of things that, without knowing it, kept her tied to the past. Daryl says, she feels stuck, and Dorinda thinks that’s what got her here. She was trying to explain it to John. She’s trying to be completely selfish, and mindful of herself about what’s going on. Daryl asks about John, but Dorinda says she hasn’t seen him. In her interview, she says her daughter said she and John met too quickly after Richard’s death, but you do what you’ve got to do. She doesn’t regret it, and she’ll always love John, but she’s in a different place than she was when she met him. Daryl tells her to focus on what she needs to do. She needs time and space. She says she’s sort of enjoying it; it’s a relief to just worry about herself. Her life is quieter, and she needed the noise to go away. She can’t take it right now. Daryl says she’s always been taking care of someone else. She can still do that, but put her own needs first. She says, it feels good.
In LuAnn’s interview, she says when she heard it would be a spa day, she didn’t think of a Russian bath house. We see a clip of Leah on the phone, saying she wants get the group to go to a place in the neighborhood. It’s an oasis of relaxation, and good for detoxing. Maybe they can get to a better place. They definitely need something to relax as a group. In her interview, Leah says, it’s a New York institution, and has more character than an East Side spa.
Tinsley wanders in, and the woman at the reception desk gives her a locked box to put her jewelry in. Tinsley tells her, thanks, but no thanks. Leah orders lunch for the women, and meets Tinsley at the vodka bar. It’s really cool. There are glass jars of fresh herbs and fruits that the vodka is strained through. Tinsley tries a ginger shot, and declares it delicious. The bartender tells her that Russians don’t sip; they down the shot. She says she’s American.
In the limo, Dorinda tells LuAnn that she doesn’t go downtown much, and LuAnn say she’s not thrilled. Dorinda says the only time she’s down there is for a legal certificate, jury duty, or jail. I actually had jury duty there once. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, past Canal Street, there’s a weather change; it gets greyer. Geez. Elitist much? LuAnn says she’s only been down there when she got a summons. LuAnn says she had lunch with Leah and Tinsley, and Dorinda says she’s sure she was the topic. LuAnn says they were trying to figure out how to approach her, so they can make things better. Leah thought gangster was the way to go. Dorinda says that’s why she and Leah get along. Leah is also a great mother, and Dorinda respects that. Leah has been through a lot, and Dorinda doesn’t want to live in a fantasy world like Tinsley.
Everyone – clients and employees – is given a Gilligan type hat to protect your head, but I’m not sure from what. In Ramona’s interview, she says the spa is rustic, and not what she’s used to. It reflects how Leah is; rough around the edges. Ramona tells Tinsley to let things go with Dorinda. She told Dorinda that she was being a bully. Leah says, positive vibes only.
As Dorinda and LuAnn approach the spa, Dorinda mentions there’s a strip club down the road. Sonja wanders in after them, and says, oh Lord. Inside, Ramona looks in the mirror and says she would pick up herself. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she’s going to let things go. She and Dorinda can stay on opposite sides of the room; that’s how they’re going to play it. Sonja comes in and asks if this is where jury duty is. In her interview, Sonja says, there’s graffiti everywhere. She avoids areas like this uptown, and downtown, it’s everywhere. Leah says they’re doing the dry sauna first. Sonja says, it’s like a prison; very bare bones. As they sit in the sauna, Dorinda informs Leah that Richard never knew she had fake boobs, and insists Leah feel them. They move on to a massage called banya. One of the couples on 90 Day Fiancé did this too. A couple of dudes hit them with branches as they lie on the tables. Ramona says she’s getting beaten by weeds. LuAnn feels like she’s being attacked by a tree. There’s some sexual banter, and in Leah’s interview, she says she thought she was horny. These women are more desperate than she is. In LuAnn’s interview, she says if she’s going to be beaten by a bush, she wants two hot guys to do it. I’m shocked they didn’t take this opportunity to show the clip that keeps on giving – LuAnn drunkenly falling into a bush. She says she’s turning over a new leaf, and probably wondering how she can include this in her cabaret act. Ramona thinks it’s a little sensual, and Leah says it’s the most action had in a while. In Sonja’s interview, she says she doesn’t know what this does, but after this, she might try S&M. Tinsley doesn’t want to do it (no surprise), and Leah tells her that she’s not being a part of things. In Tinsley’s interview, she says how does she know she’s not allergic to the branches, and it looks weird. Next is a foot scrub, which gets a little more interest, and now I’m jealous. They’re told to lie face down for the foot scrub, but Dorinda says, the last time she did that, she ended up with Hannah.
They go to a room with a private hot tub, where lunch is laid out; a beautiful spread of upscale Russian food, with caviar of course. LuAnn says crazy parties must go on in this room. The women descend on the caviar, since it’s something they recognize. Leah makes a toast, saying, when they first met, she thought she wouldn’t fit in as a downtown girl. But as time has gone by, they’ve opened up to her, and she appreciates it. They clink glasses. LuAnn thanks Leah for bringing them down there. She’s never seen anything like it. Ramona says she’s been looking into the group going to Newport, Rhode Island. LuAnn says, it’s gorgeous (truth! I’ve been there), and Ramona says it’s about a three-hour tour drive. In Leah’s interview, she says, before they plan another trip, they have some leftover drama to handle from the last trip. Nobody is talking about what they should be talking about. Leah says she feels like there’s an elephant in the room. She tells them, she speaks from the heart. After the orchard trip, she cried, and they need to acknowledge their sh*t. She saw people attacking each other a lot, and she thinks they should acknowledge that. Dorinda says she acknowledges it, and LuAnn says, Tinsley felt ganged up on, and rightly so. Dorinda says it was Tinsley’s flip comment that started it. We flash back to Tinsley at the orchard, mumbling about Dorinda being judgmental. Ramona says they want to figure out a way for that not to happen again. She tells Dorinda, there’s a pattern when she’s upset. She goes for the jugular, and hits below the belt. Ramona doesn’t think Dorinda recognizes it. Dorinda says Ramona does it all the time, so she can recognize it easily. In Ramona’s interview, she says there Dorinda goes, flipping it around, and pointing fingers at someone else, because she doesn’t want to recognize it in herself. Dorinda throws in how Ramona asked what she’d do if she found John texting other women when they were in a group. We flash back to that, and Ramona counters with the time Dorinda made a snide remark about a mug shot to LuAnn, and we flash back to that. Ramona says Dorinda does it all the time, and Dorinda tells Ramona that you don’t say things like that in a group, and she should pull Dorinda aside. In Dorinda’s interview, she calls Ramona a living vampire. She sucks the life out of people, Ramona tells Dorinda not to make it about her, and LuAnn says she’s not being specific. Leah says she wasn’t trying to blow up the table. She wanted to have a dialogue. She adores and respects all of them, and has a special bond with Dorinda. But she’s terrified that if she does something wrong, she’ll be on the other side of it. Ramona says Dorinda is scary, and Dorinda says she’s scared of Ramona. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, Dorinda goes for someone else, so it’s not about her. Tinsley says she respects Dorinda, and doesn’t judge her, and Dorinda insists she doesn’t do that. Everyone clinks glasses, probably because they gave up, and Leah says, a judgement free zone. Dorinda wanders off, and LuAnn says, a cease fire is good.
Leah’s sister Sarah comes by Leah’s place. In Leah’s interview, she says her sister is basically her times 100. They’re like twins, and share a bit of the same soul. It gets intense, but at this point they’re both adults, moms, and best friends. Leah tells Sarah that she has a salad from Pita Chip Guy. In her interview, Leah explains that Pita Chip Guy is a guy she’s dating who owns a kosher restaurant and pita bakery. She loves Jews; she can’t help it. He’s quirky, funny, and intelligent, and she wants to see where it goes. She tells Sarah that she took a nude picture with pita chips in a strategic place, and Pita Chip Guy sent the picture to her, thinking he was sending it to someone else. Sarah thinks he just made a mistake, and it’s not big deal. In her interview, Leah says she likes weirdos. She likes intellectuals, who are smart and funny, and likes dating ugly guys. She wants to be a beauty, and needs a beast. She asks Sarah how their mom and dad are, and Sarah says she doesn’t want to make Leah upset. Their mom is upset about her. In Leah’s interview, she says she and her mother are on speaking terms again. We flash back to Ramona advising her to talk to her mom in person. She says there was lingering tension, and now they’re just leaving it alone. She tells Sarah that she thinks their mom wants her to stop telling her everything. Sarah says Leah’s way to connect has always been bad behavior, and Leah says she needs to learn how to stop that dynamic. In her interview, she says she’s caught in an old dynamic with her mother, even though they’re different and the relationship is different now. Sarah suggests Leah engage in conversation that’s about their mother, not her. Its basic.
Ramona has a girls night at her place, including Elyse, Nicole, and a couple of other women we don’t know. In her interview, Ramona says it’s a great way to build relationships. She has different groups over, and plays matchmaker with her women friends. She tells Elyse that she’s feeling finally her new home. Elyse asks if Ramona has condoms in her nightstand, and when Ramona says no, Elyse wants to check for herself. In her interview, Elyse says that Ramona likes to play the innocent Catholic girl, but then talks about how horny she is, and how she’s never been hotter. Ramona says when she was in a relationship, she kept them for her boyfriend. Sometimes he needed extras. She says she’s embarrassing herself, like that’s possible. Elyse says she wants to sleep with Ramona if it’s that good.
Sonja arrives, bringing Ramona a dress to replace the one with the broken zipper. We see a picture of Ramona in it, and it’s very pretty – a lace overlay on a nude foundation. Dorinda comes in next, and in Ramona’s interview, she says it was a sh*t show with her and Dorinda yesterday, but she’d already invited her, so she hopes Dorinda is in a good mood, and being the old Dorinda. In Sonja’s interview, she says when they were in the locker room at the spa, Ramona said she should lose ten pounds because she’s beautiful. She’s beautiful with the ten pounds. Dorinda tells Elyse about the spa, and Elyse says she knows it from when she worked in the area, and businessmen would take strippers there. Ramona doesn’t want Dorinda thinking she doesn’t respect her, and Dorinda says that what Ramona did was wrong. Ramona says Dorinda takes people down all the time. Dorinda whips out her phone, and asks if Ramona knows what schadenfreude means. Elyse says, you don’t wish ill on people, but if something bad happens, you get pleasure out of it. Dorinda says Ramona will bring up something from years ago, when they’re supposed to be friends. She needs support. Ramona says Dorinda lashes out when she’s questioned.
Ramona tries to get Dorinda to talk in private, but Dorinda won’t have it. In Ramona’s interview, she says it’s ironic that Dorinda doesn’t want her to bring things up in front of other people, but when they’re in front of people Dorinda doesn’t know, she’s going off like a crazy woman. Dorinda claims Ramona fat shamed Sonja, who called her up crying. Ramona loves for them to do well, but not better than she is. Ramona says Dorinda is so angry, and Dorinda says Ramona likes people’s misfortune. She likes to make people feel bad, and she’s a coward. Does she think it’s nice to bring up something from two years ago? Ramona asks if Dorinda thinks what she did to Tinsley was nice. She’s sorry Dorinda is unhappy, and sorry Richard died. She’s sorry Dorinda’s anniversary is coming up. Dorinda says she’s sorry so many men have come and gone in Ramona’s life. Elyse tells them to stop, and Dorinda jets with Sonja. Elyse says they’re both nuts. Ramona tells her, Dorinda said if there’s something negative to say, it should be done in private. Why does she do what she doesn’t want done? In the hallway, Sonja says she wants to be herself, and if she wants to be fat, why is Ramona shaming her? I see she latched onto that now. Ramona hunts them down, and says she loves them both. Dorinda starts crying, and says she needed support yesterday, wagging her finger in Ramona’s face. She just left a seven and a half year relationship. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, it’s not an easy time; there’s a slight depression. She doesn’t need to be knocked down; she needs a soft place to land. Ramona isn’t a pillow; she’s a concrete block. Dorinda says Ramona is like a sister to her. Ramona takes Dorinda’s hand, and asks her to come back; she loves them both. As they head back in, Dorinda says she knows her delivery sucks. She’s been trying with a life coach. She doesn’t want to be alone again. Ramona says she’s afraid she’s going to be alone forever, and she, Dorinda, and Sonja have a three-way hug. Elyse says the three of them could drive Mother Teresa to drink. In Ramona’s interview, she says she loves Dorinda, but she won’t admit how mean-spirited she is. When Dorinda is like this, nothing will work. There’s nothing you can do. Just shut your mouth.
Next time, a trip to Newport, Sonja says maybe she’ll get her mojo back, Leah goes on another drunken rampage, and Ramona doesn’t like the behavior.
🍤 On Top Chef, Melissa was bummed because Restaurant Wars threw her off, and she’d been on the bottom in the challenges. She was in an emotional rut. Stephanie was also down, having lost her brother to addiction a year and a half ago. In her interview, she said she’d come out stronger, and that’s why she was there – it was her victory song. Padma introduced the guest judge, pastry chef and three time James Beard Award winner Sherry Yard. Padma told the chefs that the Quickfire challenge was going to be a piece of cake. Sherry said baking was all about time, temperature, taste, and methodology. The chefs would get the basic pantry staples – dairy, flour, sugar, and eggs – but the rest of their ingredients would come from a blindfold taste test. They had five minutes to guess twenty ingredients. Whichever ingredients they guessed right, they could use, although they didn’t have to use them all. The chef who guessed the highest number of ingredients would get an hour, the next two would get forty-five minutes, and the last two, a half hour. All Padma would say about the winner is that they’d get a huge advantage in the elimination challenge that would be worth fighting for. Stephanie guessed the most ingredients – fifteen, with twelve seconds to spare. Next, Gregory and Melissa tied with twelve, and at the bottom was the other white Bryan, guessing only seven correctly. The biggest stumbling block seemed to be almond butter, which most of them guessed to be peanut butter. I thought this was kind of odd, since I find almond butter to have a very distinctive taste. After the chefs presented their desserts, the judges loved Karen’s flavor, but thought it was too aggressive; Bryan’s components fought on the plate; but Melissa’s flavors sang, and she was the winner.
Next, Padma said, let the games begin, and introduced the chefs’ helpers and guest judges Niki and Carole Nakayama, Michelin star chefs and co-owners of two Michelin star restaurants. In honor of the Tokyo Olympics, the chefs would be making food inspired by Japan – a kaiseki meal of six courses, the most formal way of dining in Japan, and similar to a tasting menu. They were told kaiseki is a celebration of nature, about protecting the integrity of the ingredient, and cooking with restraint, which made full of Malarkey quake in his shoes. Given two hours to cook, each chef would make one dish, and they would be cooking for a group of elite Olympic athletes. The Nakayama sisters treated the chefs to a kaiseki meal so they could get the vibe.
Before the dinner began, Padma said both sporting events and food bring people together. She was excited to be doing something joyous and traditionally Japanese. As usual, everything looked incredibly impressive, and sounded phenomenal, except for the piece of shell in Melissa’s crab dish.
Stephanie was the winner, with a balance of flavor and ingredients. She was quite shocked, and would also be going to the Tokyo Olympics. Unfortunately, we all know how that would eventually turn out. She joked that she was probably the least athletic of the group. Karen’s duck dish caused her to be told to pack her knives and go. In her interview, she said she’d been eliminated twice for a good dish, had done things she never thought she would try, learned tenacity, and cooked her ass off. It was on to Last Chance Kitchen for her, as she told us, never say die.
They never did reveal what the huge advantage was the elimination challenge winner would receive. I can’t imagine it was the trip to the Olympics. Next time, the finale goes to Europe, and a possible bail by Brian full of Malarkey.
🏖 Life’s a Beach Again…
It looks like the world is starting to open back up. As I’ve come to say every week, whatever happened to the Shahs reunion? All continues to be quiet on the Sunset front, and I have yet to see a ransom note. Regardless, see you tomorrow with some tea and words of wisdom. Until then, stay safe, stay exercising caution, and stay puffed.