Category Archives: horror

June 18, 2017 – What Happened to Daniel, a Little TV Tea & My Favorite Canine Papa

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Fear the Walking Dead

We look out over a bunch of cities from the top of a cliff. A lone zombie wanders the highway. Wait, it’s not a zombie – it’s Daniel. He’s desperate for water, but there’s none to be found. He shuffles behind a truck, hiding from a mini-horde of zombies. The last one turns and sees him. They shuffle at the same pace, Daniel not too far ahead. He hides under a car, but she pulls at his leg. A dog distracts her. Daniel quietly freaks.

Daniel can hear the zombie skulking around as he hides. He sees a pair of boots, and the zombie is taken down. He’s pulled out from under the car. A guy tells him to relax. He sees a wound on Daniel’s leg. Daniel says it had him, but let him go. The guy introduces himself as Efrain, and tells Daniel that he’s dying. Daniel yells for water. Efrain says the good news is that he has water and is happy to share it; the bad news is that they have to walk. He helps Daniel up.

They go into a building and Efrain shuts the gate. It looks like a warehouse flea market. Efrain leads Daniel to a fountain, but it’s dry. He asks where the water is, and Efrain says it shouldn’t be long. The word agua is heard repeatedly over a loudspeaker, and water begins to pour from the spout. Daniel drinks, and Efrain fills a jug. He says every week at this same time, a little miracle. He puts the jug on his bike and peddles away through the zombies, with Daniel in a cart at the front. Daniel is like, hey stairs! but Efrain drives his bike right up them. He’s got a stick for errant zombies, but doesn’t need it.

Efrain drives into an alley where several people are gathered. Daniel keels over, and they hide behind a dumpster. A truck goes by, crowded with men looking around. Someone in the group says that they’re coming by more often now.

Efrain discusses Daniel’s wound with a woman named Lola, who thinks that Daniel could possibly lose his leg. Daniel mumbles about a horse, and Lola asks if he’s a Broncos fan. The wound has to be scraped. Daniel says it take a steady hand, and Lola tells him to try not to scream. Efrain gives him some booze, and Lola sings. Daniel sings with her. She scrapes the wound, and it’s painful just to watch.

Fast forward, and Daniel and Efrain are scavenging. Daniel looks through a photo album. Efrain knocks down a zombie, and tells him to hurry up. Efrain gives the zombie Last Rites before finishing it off. Daniel asks if Efrain was a priest, and Efrain says he’s been many things and he found his calling. He pulls out a flask, and takes a drink, offering it to Daniel. They toddle off with the cart.

Efrain takes Daniel to where he lives, saying all are welcome. He shares some food. Daniel says he’s been kind. He didn’t have to help him, but he did. Daniel asks when he last had a professional haircut, and styles Efrain’s hair. Efrain says it’s been a while since he saw himself, and thanks Daniel. He asks when Daniel is going to sneak out. He knows running when he sees it, and something worse than Daniel’s leg is rotting in him. Daniel says he’s a bad guy, and he pays his debts. He’s killed ninety-six people. Efrain says that’s not it though. They share a bottle of liquor, and Daniel tells Efrain about leaving El Salvador, and how he never told his daughter about his past. Efrain says the burden was his, and asks if Danial is looking for his daughter. Daniel nods.

He tells Efrain that they were in a house surrounded by death, and he was trying to protect her, but his mind wasn’t right. He woke up in a fire, and could hear her calling. He was trapped, and burning, and the ceiling was collapsing. Somehow, he got out, but then he collapsed. When he came to, no one was left alive. Efrain asks what he’s saying. Daniel says he doesn’t know if he burned his daughter alive, and to forgive him. Efrain isn’t so sure forgiveness is his to bestow. He half-hugs Daniel, and tells him to take it easy. He says the good news is, there’s nobody left in this world to judge him; the bad news… he nods off. Daniel covers him with a blanket and jets.

Daniel travels down the highway with a lantern. He pops a zombie in the head with a shovel, sending it into the canal. He tries for another, but loses his weapon. Great. He opens his arms and awaits his fate. The zombie falls, but so does he, with his feet dangling in the current.

Daniel watches some clean-up guys do a coin toss to see who gets to clean the sewer pipe he’s in. They pull out some bodies smushed together with a carpet of leaves and laugh. Daniel rises from the leaves, and I’m surprised neither one of them has a heart attack. They take him to an office and discuss what to do, afraid that they’ll get nailed for sneaking him in. Lola walks in, and says she knows who he is, and they did the right thing in hiding him.

Lola explains that Daniel is at the Gonzalez Dam. Daniel asks why they’re hogging the water when people are dying of thirst? Lola tells him that there’s a new boss making decisions, the President of Tijuana. Daniel asks how much control she has, and she tells him that he never met her before today. He came there looking for a job. A guy breezes in, asking what Daniel is doing there, and Lola tells Daniel that he’s J.C., head of security. She says she hired Daniel because they need more help; they don’t want dead bodies building up in the water system.  J.C. suggests that he discuss this with the boss, but Lola tells him his job is security, hers is water treatment. Let her do her job, and go do his. He nods, and leaves. Daniel is impressed.

Daniel is now on the clean-up crew. He looks at the trucks, and asks another worker if he doesn’t have a problem with the distribution of water. The worker says it’s either get eaten, shot, or work. What’s it gonna be?

It’s dinnertime, and Daniel has an entire can of SPAM on his plate. Unappetizing to say the least. The big boss, Mr. Dante, comes in, and everyone stands up except Daniel. Dante tells everyone to sit, and they go back to eating. J.C. asks Daniel why he didn’t stand, and Daniel says he didn’t know he was supposed to. J.C. says, well, he is, and he’s also supposed to look at J.C. when he’s talking to him. J.C. leans over and puts his middle finger in the middle of Daniel’s SPAM. Daniel stabs him with his fork, and J.C. draws his gun. Dante comes back and asks what’s going on. J.C. whines that he was stabbed, but Daniel says he was just eating. Dante asks what his name is and where he’s from. Daniel tells him, and Dante wonders if he’s Sergeant and NCO Salazar. He looks at the tattoo in Daniel’s mouth. He says, Sombra Nega, which I googled, and it’s a name for El Salvadorian death squad groups. Dante tells J.C. that he needs to read more. He’s picking a fight with a CIA trained killer. He asks how many communists Daniel killed, and Daniel says he lost count. Dante tells everyone that they have a guest, and leads Daniel away.

Daniel questions the way Dante is using the dam, and Dante tells him that it might be the apocalypse, but it’s not communism. He asks what Daniel wants and needs, and says to speak freely. Danial asks if Dante can lend him a jeep; he’s looking for someone. Dante says sure, but his talents deserve more. If Daniel works for him, he’ll give him something befitting of his stature. He holds out his hand.

Daniel is on a truck, looking for a thief. It’s the same kind of truck Efrain and his friends were hiding from. Daniels sees where Efrain lives but says nothing. The truck busts into the warehouse where Daniel got the water. The fountain is dry, and Daniel still says nothing. J.C. says, nothing there, and Daniel looks at the clock. Sh*t. They’re going past the fountain right when it turns on. Sh*t. The water starts to drip, and Daniel panics. The agua announcement is made, but Daniel creates a distraction, saying he found something. He points and says, there’s your thief.

Daniel tells Lola that he had to; they were going to find the fountain. She says he saved Daniel’s life. He says first they’ll find Efrain, and then her; then they’ll both be killed. He did it to protect her. Lola tells him that if she stops running the water, the people will die. Not from bites or gunshots, but of thirst. Daniel says if they find her, there won’t be anything he can do. She says Dante is right; he’s perfect for this place. He tells her to do what she wants, but he warned her, adding not to save people who are already dead.

Daniel sees the guy he pointed out being beaten. He’s taken to a cell, and Daniel brings him a canteen of water. It’s Victor, and we’re back to the ending of last week’s episode. He tells Victor that he said he’d be his guardian angel, and Victor says, or angel of death. Victor wonders how Daniel got out, and Daniel asks if Ofelia is alive. Victor says they fled the compound, and they all thought he was dead, but she’s alive. He tells Daniel that Ofelia is holed up in a hotel. It will take a day, maybe less, to get there. He says to get him out, and he’ll take Daniel to her; she’s waiting for him. Daniel just looks at him.

He calls Victor an s.o.b, saying he doesn’t believe Ofelia is waiting for him. Victor says she survived the fire, and Daniel tells him that he’ll says anything to save his life. He tells Victor that this place is perfect for him. He’ll rot there, like the dead. He says Ofelia is dead, her father is dead, and so is Victor. Victor says that Daniel owes him, but Daniel just keeps walking. Interesting.

Dante announces that the expert is here. A circle of men parts, and Efrain looks at Daniel. Dante asks what Daniel needs, and Daniel says just space. He goes up to Efrain, and talks quietly to him. He says that if Efrain talks, they’ll kill him, and then Lola. If he doesn’t talk, Daniel will kill him. All he can offer is to do it as fast as he can. Efrain says those aren’t options, and Daniel asks Efrain to forgive him. Efrain says, again?

Daniel punches Efrain a bunch of times, saying, confess! Daniel tells Dante that he isn’t going to speak, but Dante says he will, and to keep going. Daniel picks up a hammer. Lola says, enough, leave him alone, and runs to Efrain, crying and hugging him. Daniel drops the hammer.

The lot of them are on a very high ledge on the dam, along with a few other people. Dante says to let it be a lesson that when you steal from him, this is what happens.  Daniel takes the first guy out of the line. Dante tells the guy that he just needs a messenger pigeon to tell the others. The guy thinks he’s cheated death somehow, but Dante hoists him over the railing, and down he goes. Next, Daniel chooses Lola. Dante asks if Daniel is ready. When Daniel hesitates, Dante tells J.C. to do it. Daniel shoots J.C., and throws the other henchman over the railing. Dante is all offended, saying he let Daniel in, but he’ll always be a goddam dog. Daniel says nothing, and just shoots him, and I laugh.

Daniel hands Lola the gun, gets on his knees, and asks her to forgive him. He bows his head. She holds out her hand, and he takes it.

Next time, a fire at the ranch, Troy has a calling, and Victor is surrounded.

I knew it. Jesse Borrego is playing Efrain. He was in one of my favorite 80s TV shows, Fame. At the time, I’d decided VCRs were invented just so I could record that show. The tapes are still in the black hole around here somewhere.

#WhereIsOfelia

☎ Better Call Saul is having its season finale on Monday, Jun 19th. You can actually watch too much TV, and I kind of lost track of this show along the way, but it’s very good. It’s clever, and like TV’s hooker with a heart of gold.

🏛 I have no idea why I’d thought The Real Housewives of Potomac was going to give some actual sophistication to the franchise, but I couldn’t have been further off. I definitely think that this bunch is the most focused on money, and comparing who has more of whatever. That makes me wonder if they’re the group with the least amount money. Ashley told us she still needs to work on both her marriage and the restaurant, since passive/aggressive Michael made some changes to the latter while she was in Bermuda. Although when both of them agreed that the marriage was more important in less than five minutes time, I wondered if all this hands-on management was just for storyline. Charisse held an opening for her champagne room, and cut a ribbon, making this the most excessive thing I’ve ever seen on any Wives show. And that includes Heather Dubrow’s skabillion dollar mansion and the birthday party Taylor Armstrong had for her toddler. This week, the girls also had an overabundance of time to spend analyzing why Karen was downsizing her living quarters. Refusing to descend from the cloud that she lives on, when someone pointed out that Karen would no longer be living in Potomac, she told them that was “a matter of opinion.” Funny, I thought it was a matter of zip code. Next time, a Bollywood party where Monique attends appropriating the wrong Indian culture, and wearing a feather headdress.

🍺 It looks like What Happens at the Abbey has been relegated to midnight status. And rightly so. It doesn’t need to be taking up the space of a show that has some genuine direction.

Quote of the Night & One More for the Dads

You don’t mess with a man’s SPAM.Rueben Blades (Daniel, FTWD) on Talking Dead

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person — he believed in me.Jim Valvano

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💖 One of my favorite dads, Casey 💖

June 11, 2017 – Victor Meets an Old Friend, Bermuda on the Potomac & Red Violet

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Fear the Walking Dead

I’m desperately hoping we get to see Travis as a zombie.

We hear a voiceover telling us that the great American experiment has failed, and it’s time to start over. We see Jeremiah in a video, saying we need to be prepared. He’s advertising a video tape set that teaches one how to survive what he calls teotwawki or TE. But wait there’s more! You get a survival bucket at no extra cost. His tagline is, if you’re going to plan for a future, plan for a better one, as he and his family wave cheerily at the camera. That was actually fun to watch. They need more of that.

The settlers are having a meeting under a tent outdoors. A woman talks about losing a child because she thought she could fly, and jumped off the roof. Looking at Madison, she says her daughter’s life was risked for the unprepared. Madison gets up, offers condolences, and introduces Nick and Alicia. She says they’ve lost loved ones too. She says Travis was their compass, and thanks them for their generosity. Jake gets up and says grieving is hard, but they need to process it. Vernon says what they need to do is prepare. He wants to know why the helicopter fell. Jeremiah tells him that when they know what they’re dealing with, they’ll act. Jake says whatever threat it is, they’ll mete out justice when they get the details.

Alicia nearly gets in an argument with another settler, and tells them that they should be harassing Troy, not her family. Vernon’s daughter, Gretchen, apologizes for their loss, and asks if Alicia would like to join a Bible study. They also have a band. Alicia says they’re Jewish, but Gretchen says, cool, they’ll do the Old Testament. Well, that didn’t work.

Nick tells Luci that they’ll take the cuffs off soon, and she can see the place. She says she’s seen enough; she can’t forget what they did. As soon as she’s freed, they’ll go. Nick just wants them all to feel safe in one place. He says he had a chance to make that happen, to kill him. She says it wouldn’t have made them safe, and Nick isn’t a killer.

Madison finds Troy lolling about in a bunk. He says he likes the way she says Travis’s name, which is really, really weird. He asks what she did before, and she says she was a guidance counselor. He tells her that certain aspects of academia proved challenging, so he never went to high school. He says everything he does is in service to the ranch. She asks if his father knows that. Troy says complicated things need complicated solutions, and Madison says killing people isn’t complicated. He tells her that’s why he picked her – he didn’t pick Nick. She says Nick comes with her. He says that Nick doesn’t deserve this place.

Victor drives along a coastal road. He drives past a load of people waiting in a long line. He asks if the guard knows a Mr. Dante; he’s a friend. The guy tells him to get in line like everyone else. Victor offers him a watch (I think; I didn’t get a good look), but the guard tosses it away. He wrestles Victor to the ground and draws his gun. Victor says it’s a mistake. A guy leans over Victor, saying he looks like sh*t. I assume this is Dante.

Nick tells Madison that they’re not wanted at the ranch. Madison says they’ll win over the ones who don’t want them there. She tells them to stay away from Troy, who’s a work in progress. Nick says he’s got to do something. He thinks they should start over somewhere else. Madison says they’re not leaving; there’s no place better. They hauled him out of a hellhole, and Travis died for it. Nick says Luci won’t be safe there. He asks what if they let her go, and Madison says he’ll have a choice to make then.

Jake tells Jeremiah something is wrong. They haven’t heard back from the group that left to find out what happened with the helicopter. Madison walks in, and says she needs reassurance; some people resent them. Jeremiah says they’re strangers. Madison says, not to Troy. She’d like a leash put on him, and help with the others. Jeremiah say it’s a place where people ask for help when they need it. Madison tells him that she needs it, and she’s asking. He says she’s hard to like. She says Troy threatened her family; he murdered people, and called it science. She says maybe they should know that. Jeremiah says if his people take umbrage at their presence, that’s on her. He tells he that he won’t let anyone drown without teaching them to swim.

Alone with Madison, Jake asks if Troy hurt her. She asks if he’s always been that way. Jake says he’ll take care of Troy, and she says he and his dad keep saying that. She thanks him for saving Alicia, and he says she saved him too. She asks if he’s worried about the helicopter. He tells her that it was probably a crackpot scavenger. Madison says she wants to meet whoever it is.

Alicia watches the horses. Nick asks her about riding, but she says she’s not ready. She tells him he’s invited to the Bible study. He asks if she wants to stay, and she says no. She tells him that what Madison said wasn’t fair, and he says she’s wrong. Alicia says that this is no time to form a conscience. He asks what happened to her, but she walks away.

Jake finds Troy fixing a fence. He tells Troy to stay away from Madison and her family. He promised them he’d protect them from him. He says he still believes in Troy, but if the ranch knew what he really is… Troy asks what is he? Jake says when dad’s gone, it’s on them; they’ll have to lead together. He needs Troy to stay away from the Clarks. Troy says he hears him. Jake asks if he means it, and Troy says he always does.

Gretchen and a couple of the teenagers take Alicia to an underground place in the middle of the forest. Gretchen tells everyone to get out their study materials. Alicia is handed a humongous bong. She says this isn’t what she expected. Nor would I. Everyone paraphrases Bible verses. Gretchen opens a metal drum and takes out a bird cage. It’s Geoff. Geoff is a head, and I don’t mean of the game. Everyone sits watching Jeff drool and rattle his teeth. Alicia starts to laugh. Alrighty then.

Madison watches outtakes from the video. It’s Jeremiah arguing with his wife, who’s half In the bag, and yelling at the kids. The cameraman tells him to let her go, and he says, shut your mouth. Jeremiah walks in, and says not his finest moment. Madison asks what happened to their mom. He says Troy’s mom. Jake’s mother was his first wife, who died…before. Madison says her father was a drunk, and it killed her. Jeremiah says that the second Mrs. Otto went downhill. Troy took care of her while he was busy selling buckets, and she resented him for it.

Victor and Dante have a drink and talk about old times. Dante assumes that Thomas didn’t make it, and Victor shakes his head. Dante says all Victor has now is his wit, charm, and a crunchy suede coat. Victor says don’t forget his good looks. Dante says it’s good to have him back, and they toast.

The kids pretend to communicate (or maybe they are) through Geoff. They tell Alicia that he wants to know what it’s like “out there.” She tells them that it changes you into something worse than Geoff. She asks who the Ottos are. One of the kids says that Jeremiah saw it coming, and made the place before he was born. Gretchen says Geoff was the first zombie they saw. She says he’s indifferent on the Ottos, except for Troy. She tells Alicia that Troy and the militia do what they can’t – protect them. Alicia tells them that you can’t depend on others; you have to handle your own sh*t. Gretchen says that Geoff wants to know what bad stuff she’s done out there, and Alicia says she killed a man. Gretchen asks how it felt, and she says easy.

Dante shows Victor around the dam he’s taken over. Two guys are about to throw someone off a very high wall. Dante tells Victor that the man used to be in a cartel, and there’s no room for such people. Dude is tossed off the wall and into a pile of zombies, who immediately jump all over him and start feasting. The guys grab Victor. Dante asks if he thinks they were friends in the old world. Back then, Victor wanted people’s land; now he wants Dante’s water. Victor says food, shelter, and a cocktail suffices, but Dante says nothing suffices; it’s not in Victor’s nature. Victor is held over the edge of the balcony. Victor says it’s only a matter of time before someone else takes it, and not him. He says Dante needs transport and guns, and men to guard them. Water is the new currency, and he can organize it. Dante asks how he can trust a thief, but Victor says he never stole from Dante. Dante says he stole from Thomas, and asks if Thomas died believing that Victor loved him. Victor says he did love Thomas, and nearly gets pushed over the wall. Dante says that Victor exploits everything he touches, and owes him a debt. He’s going to work it off, and he’ll feel like those he took from – powerless. Victor is led away. Yikes.

Nick watches an old couple dance on their patio. Troy approaches him, and asks if he wants to join a hunting party. He says they can catch scavengers sneaking around in the dark, and it’s more maintenance than hunting, more cultivating than killing. He tells Nick to get in and earn his keep. They drive away.

Madison is out walking. Jeremiah tells her that Nick went with Troy on a hunting trip. She says he’s a city boy who’s never even dealt with a gun (I dunno about that, since he was a heroin addict and lived on the streets), and asks how long it lasts. Jeremiah says a couple of hours to all night, and they’ll come back safe. Madison says that her daughter is finding God. Jeremiah offers her a cigarette. I see a T-shirt in my head: My daughter got offered a huge bong and all I got was a lousy cigarette. She tells Jeremiah that her kids never had any place to feel safe, and that Nick is an addict. She told him that if he left, she’d let him go, but here they are. Jeremiah says the things they do to their children, and the things they do to make up for it. He asks if she wants to know why he tolerates his son.

The hunting party has dogs. While I couldn’t care less about the people, now I have a pack of German Shepherds to worry about.

Jeremiah takes Madison under the house. It has steel shelving laden with supplies, and he calls it the pantry. He says some people think what’s happened is God’s vengeance, but he thinks it’s an opportunity for a new life and to make amends. The new world has a purpose, and nothing heals a family more than that. They’ll build something better than before, but it won’t be easy. He asks if her family is up for it, and she says absolutely.

Troy sees someone wandering. Nick ambushes him from behind, and throws him to the ground. Troy says the ground is soft, and he could dig a grave easily; probably no one would suspect him. Nick asks how long it will take him to turn, and he tells Nick that if he does it, to time it; the journal is in his pocket. Nick says he’s not a scientist, and asks Troy what’s wrong with him. Troy says that Newton stabbed own eye to understand nature of light, and he needs to know. Nick shoots, but the bullet hits next to Troy’s head. Nick takes the journal and starts to tear it up. They fight, and Nick laughs like the lunatic he’s becoming. Troy says he thinks they can be friends now, like the lunatic he already is.

Madison visits Luci, and says she should be sleeping. Luci thanks her for waiting for her to heal before they leave, and says that she’s sorry about Travis; he saved her life. Madison says he was a good man, much better than her. He saved them all, and they can’t throw it away. They survive at all costs now.

Alicia and crew return. Jake asks if they’re turning water into wine, and she says, praise Jesus. Ha-ha! A pig roast is happening, which is perfect for the munchies. Jake talks to Jeremiah. Jeremiah makes an announcement that they still haven’t heard anything back from the group that went out, and they have to be prepared. Troy is taking a party out, but they need volunteers. Several men volunteer, and Madison raises her hand. They all look at her. Why is that so weird? I guess they are really out of touch with what’s happening everywhere. Madison sits next to Troy. He says her kids are at another table. She says she knows.

Victor awaits his fate in a cell. Someone sets a flask on the ledge. He smells it, then drinks greedily. Daniel appears, and says he knew Victor would drink it all, and that Daniel had told him that he’d be his guardian angel.

Next time, Daniel tells Victor that he’ll rot in there, someone else gets dropped into the zombie pile, zombies on a bus, and what happened to Daniel.

#WhereIsOfelia

🏛 On The Real Housewives of Potomac, Karen arranged a trip to Bermuda so the girls could get to know one another better. Why? Every time I watch this show, I want to know them less. Gizelle insulted Monique in her interview, saying that she’s “educated” and Monique “can’t hold a candle to this.” Omg. Honestly, this is the worst bunch of women ever. I want to see Gizelle’s diploma. She couldn’t even think up a new tagline this time around, using the same one as last season – and this is only their second season. She’s so educated, she can’t even think up two different sentences. She also wore some very scary purple eye shadow (I think Crayola would call it red violet) that matched her dress. Is that what she meant by “this?” No, no, and no. The good news is that Ashley had success, both with the opening of her restaurant, and keeping her marriage together. Of course the whole girls trip was a disaster. I might start using the word “janky” though.

🏖 The Real Housewives of the OC returns on Monday, July 10th, at 9 pm.

PurpleCrayone

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June 4, 2017 – Return to Fear & Good-by to Amish

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Fear the Walking Dead

It’s ba-a-a-ack! Now if I can just remember everyone’s names.

Travis and company have been captured. They’re dragged past fields of rotting corpses, and are thrown into trucks. It’s some kind of military operation, or at least looks like one. They’re driven to a camp and are separated. Travis hears screams, and sees a guy getting a number written on his forehead. Travis is weighed and measured, and a number is written on his hand. He’s left in a supply room where there are a bunch of other people.

Travis sees Nick. Luci’s head rests on his shoulder. I’d better clarify that – her body is attached to it.

Travis sits next to Nick and tells him that his mother has been taken somewhere else. He asks about Chris, but Travis says nothing. Luci asks if he saw anyone at the border, but he says just the dead. Nick says he thought it was a refugee camp. Travis says they’ll get out of there – all of them.

Alicia and Madison look around the office they’ve been deposited in, but can’t find anything. A soldier brings some tea and introduces himself as Troy. He says they shouldn’t have been handled so roughly, but it was security protocol. He says that Travis is being processed. Madison tells him they’re looking for her son, Nick, and need his help. He wants to know why they came from Mexico, and Madison says a friend had a place there, and asks him to let them go. She says her son is out there alone, and if it was him, his mother would do anything to find him. Troy says his mother passed, and he doesn’t get lost much anyway.

Alicia asks what happens after they’re processed. Troy says they get supplies and off they go. Really? He leaves them.

Troy confers with some other soldiers. They look at forehead number guy’s eyes. He’s dead, but his foot begins to move. He’s chained to the wall and they right down some statistics. Troy goes to Travis and asks if he’s Mexican. He says no; he’s Māori, and Troy calls him a warrior. Nick asks where his mom and sister are, and Troy says they’re being processed. He says he’s not a savage, and tells them they give all the mercy they can offer to the sick and maimed.

Alicia waters a plant with the tea, and says they’re going to be killed. Madison says no, they’re being treated too well. Alicia gives her the tip of a bayonet she has stashed in her shoe. She tells Alicia she’ll get them out.

Another prisoner tells Travis that he can get them out, but he needs someone strong enough to back him. If Travis can get them out of the room, he can get them out of the compound. He sees a guy struggling with a soldier, saying please don’t, but the soldier shoots him.

Commercial break. They tell us that Fear the Walking Dead is brought to us by The Mummy, which I find amusing.

Chained zombie guy starts writhing against the chains. Travis asks the other prisoner how he’s getting them out of there, and I swear that he says something about cheese. He explains his plan, but he mumbles, and I have no clue what he told Travis. He says someone shot him, and they have zero options and time. Travis agrees to help. He watches the soldiers get testy with one another. One says they’re supposed to be out of there in 24-hours, and to hurry it up – it doesn’t matter how they get dead. He pulls a couple of guys out and shoots them.

Alicia and Madison nap. Troy makes notes. Madison wakes up, and he tells her the coffee is warm. This dude is way too smiley. She asks what he’s writing, and he tells her that he makes observations. She asks if they passed processing, and he says with flying colors. She asks about Travis and he says it’s different criteria. Troy says he’s not a bad person, and Madison tells him that no one said he wasn’t. She asks if Travis is dead, and says she loves him. Troy asks if she loves his life more than hers, and she says yes.

Notes are taken about the dead guys. Travis asks what’s up. A soldier says the infected have senses, and they’re doing this for everyone’s betterment. Travis says what they’re doing is pointless, and asks if the people understand what’s going on. The soldier says they’ve volunteered, and it’s for science. He asks if Travis hasn’t murdered anyone. He’s about to pull out another prisoner, when Travis says to take him instead. The soldier says that’s a first. I thought he just said they volunteered. While Travis is being chained, he whacks the guy, and everything goes nuts.

Madison asks what Troy wants. Troy says he can take them home. She asks about Travis, and he says the resources are limited. She asks if Travis is alive. Troy says if she comes, he will be. They hear a gunshot, and Troy runs out. The prisoners are escaping, and everyone is running. Travis faces the soldiers while Nick runs with Luci. They manage to get into a sewer pipe. Over by Travis, the prisoner who said he could get them out gets his throat cut.

Travis is brought back in. Gee, that went well. Troy asks what happened. A soldier says two of his got away, and one of theirs died. Troy says a tender moment between him and Madison was interrupted. He wants Travis kept safe. He says Travis is special, and treat him as such. Take him out back. “Out back” is never special, or even a good thing.

Nick has to stop. Luci says she’s slowing him down, and he says never, kissing her. He tells her that she has to live.

Troy goes back to the office, and Madison jumps out from behind the door. They struggle. Alicia comes out from behind the couch. Madison stabs Troy in the eye with a spoon. She tells him he’ll lose the eye if he moves. That’s actually an amazing move. Was she with the Navy SEALS or something before the apocalypse? She tells Alicia to go find out what’s happening.

Alicia goes outside. Travis and Luci continue on. Planes fly overhead. Nick gets to the end of the tunnel. It’s blocked, but he gets it open – and confronts a horde of zombies. He and Lucy run back.

A soldier explains the experiments to Travis. Some kind of nonsense with statistical differences between the dead and the undead. Travis is led to a pit where there are zombies milling around. They throw him in. The only thing worse than a zombie is a bored zombie.

Madison takes Troy outside. She’s got him in a hold with one arm, and with the other, is still gripping the spoon in his eye. He tells her that she’s going to be dead, but yells to the others to back off. In the pit, Travis cracks a few zombies in the head. For a pacifist, he’s pretty good at this. In the meantime, Alicia tries to break into a car. Travis pikes some zombies with a metal rod he’s found. When he loses that, he punches them out. A cinderblock also comes in handy. The head soldier says he’s impressed, but Travis should save his strength – he’ll need it. He unleashes more zombies.

Madison says she thought Troy was going to let him go. Troy’s brother, Jake, approaches, telling Madison to release Troy. He says Troy knows he brought this on himself. Madison says she wants her family. Jake says if she lets Troy go, he’ll find her family. She releases Troy, and whacks him when he tries to grab her. Jake asks where her family is.

Nick and Luci hide, but we can hear the zombies close by. Alicia hears Nick, and looks through a vent to see him struggling with a zombie. She throws a weapon down, and Luci kills the zombie. Alicia is taken away by two guys, and Nick sees Madison with some soldiers, who tell the others to let Travis out. Travis rushes Troy, but Madison says he’s safe now. Alicia and Chris show up. Everything is cool for five seconds.

Commercial break. Valerian looks awesome!

Jake says he wishes Travis would reconsider; it’s a sanctuary. Troy was doing experiments on his own, and Jake says it won’t happen again. Madison says they want their guns back. She thanks Travis. She cleans his face with a washcloth, and says she’s sorry. She’s here and his family is here. He says he’s okay now; he’s with her.

Troy’s brother tells him get in, get the fuel, get out. He says Troy has killed innocent people, and Troy says they were going to die anyway. Jake smacks him, and asks, who is he to decide that? He asks what Troy has learned. That would be nothing. Troy leaves. As he’s walking out, he looks proudly at the blood stains on the “lab” wall.

A soldier walks through a corridor and hears a noise from behind the wall. He puts his ear to the wall and listens. He looks through the vent, but can’t see, so he removes it. About a thousand rats drop out. Then a zombie pulls him toward the vent opening. Suddenly, he gets sucked through it like it was a hole in a flying airplane.

Jake begs Madison to stay. She asks him for the car keys. They hear gunshots, and see zombies walking out of one of the buildings. Madison runs to get Travis, saying they have to go now. Suddenly, there are zombies everywhere. Madison is surrounded. Nick runs to help her while she’s slicing and dicing. Jake lands a helicopter, and they pile in, but Madison and Nick are still fighting the zombies. Troy shoots at the zombies, and Madison and Nick run to his truck. The helicopter takes off. A few zombies hang from it. Madison and Tavis look at each other. I’m driving myself crazy, because since the beginning of this show, I’ve wanted to call Nick “Chris,” and I keep typing it.

Everyone clears out from the compound. A caravan of trucks hits the road. The helicopter flies off.

Part Two

In the helicopter, Luci asks for Nick, and Alicia says she’ll see him soon. Bullets start coming through the helicopter windows. Travis is shot in the neck. It’s hard to put pressure on a wound when you’re passing out. The helicopter starts to go down. Travis opens the door. Jake tells him to stay in his seat. They start to nosedive. Alicia holds Travis in, but sees how badly he’s hurt, and lets him fall. Then she calls after him like we didn’t see what we just saw. Well, my mouth is hanging open.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel, people are swarming at the gate. They say they know there’s a doctor in there. Elena says she’s sorry; they have nothing for them. One of them grabs her by the hair, and holds her head to against the gate. Victor approaches, and says he can provide medical care; he’s a doctor. Elena is let go, and the people look hopeful. Victor says he’s injured, but can’t let them suffer. He tells Elena to let them have her empty rooms to heal and recover.

Jake tells Alicia that Luci is as stable as she’s going to get, and whoever shot them might still be out there. He tells her for what it’s worth, she did the right thing. She wonders if Travis survived (oh come on), but Jake says he’s gone. He says knows the mountains and can get them home. He tells her that Travis would want that, but Alicia snaps that he doesn’t know what Travis would want.

Troy listens to Insane Clown Posse or Rammstein or something. Madison looks like she has a headache, and he turns it off. The caravan approaches what was once a ranch. The guard says Jake hasn’t been there and is overdue. Troy tells the others to get out of the truck and wait. A guard closes the gate. Gee, thanks for the ride to we-don’t-know- where.

Nick says tat they should backtrack and find the others. Madison says they could end up running in circles, or they could get themselves killed. Nick asks what the plan is if it’s just the two of them. Madison tells Nick to hug his mother, and he feels the gun in her waistband. She says they need to bring their family together and stop anyone who gets in their way.

Victor pulls a bullet out of somebody’s leg. Victor ponders. He’s asked to come, a woman’s water just broke. He thinks they should just let nature take its course, and says he’s not a baby doctor. The husband gets angry and asks why he’s been allowed to treat them. Victor agrees the deliver the baby, and tells everyone to get out, except Nurse Elena.

Madison says most of the people there are civilians. Nick says they don’t need them, but Madison says his girlfriend does. He says fine, but then they go. He isn’t sure what he’ll do if he has to stay longer. A rancher gives Madison a cup of coffee. He says he heard her husband over the helicopter radio, and tells her that sometimes a helicopter sets down in bad weather. He asks if she knows of any reason Travis might have taken the helicopter, but she says he’d want their daughter to get there safely. The rancher says he had to ask. His son and goddaughter are on there too. Madison says she put a spoon in his other son’s eye, making me laugh, and the rancher says that he’s lucky it wasn’t a fork, making me laugh again. He introduces himself as Joseph, and welcomes them to the ranch, opening the gate. Nick tells Madison it’s not safe. He says he doesn’t trust these people, but she tells him to trust her.

Joseph says they were already there, off the grid, before the world ended, and the rise of the dead caught them by surprise. He says they’re self-sustaining, and Madison points out that they’re also armed. He says he heard Troy’s side of it, and Nick asks if he wants to hear theirs. Joseph says he’ll hear everything when Jake gets back. He tells them it’s the safest place to be, and most people would be grateful to be there. He shows them to a bunkhouse, and tells them where the facilities are. Madison thanks him.

After he leaves, Nick loudly says his son’s a murderer, and Madison tells him to lower his voice. She asks if he wants to start a war with all of them – then he’ll see murder. Nick says it’s his fault, leading them to that place, and he has to do something. Madison says no, he doesn’t. Right now, they’re going to eat sh*t, smile, and bide their time. She wants to save them all too, but he has to help. Nick says he’s not sitting by while they sharpen their knives, and walks out.

Jake builds a fire, and says he’ll take first watch. Alicia asks what will happen with Luci when they get back, and expresses concern about Troy. Jake says they’ll keep an eye on him. He explains how Troy had been like this since he was young, and says you make allowances for those you love. Alicia says she made allowances for her brother, and it almost got him killed. They hear something, and Jake stomps out the fire.

Jake gives Alicia a gun. He tells her to stay put until he gets back. If he doesn’t, get the others to the ranch. He walks out into the dark. He looks around, and then stumbles down a small cliff. He quickly finds his gun, and hears the sounds of zombies eating. He shines the flashlight into a zombie face. It comes after him, and he whacks at it with the flashlight, trying to deal with his gun. It’s about an inch from his neck, when a shot rings out and it drops. Another one takes its place, and we see Alicia at the top of the cliff. She shoots that one too. Jake is pretty freaked. He asks for the gun, and tells Alicia to find her way back quickly. He has to take care of it before more come.

Alicia goes back, and Jake sees that the zombies were eating his co-pilot. Alicia hears a gunshot.

The baby is being named after Victor. Elena says he calmed the people, but his lie is now theirs. If the people turn on him, they’ll turn on them too. She says he has to go. On foot. Before he leaves, Hector says there’s a woman who has lost her senses, a poor woman who refuses food. He gives Victor a plate, and tells him to convince her to eat. He goes into the room and says he brought food. It looks like Marie Antoinette moonlighting as a stripper lives here. Loads of dishes with dainty sweets on them, and boxes of frilly accessories. Victor sees a mannequin, and is about to touch it, when a woman pops out of nowhere. He recognizes Ilene, and says he was sent there to treat her. She apologizes for stabbing him, and says she was distraught and hopeless. He tells her to get some fresh air in the room, and tries to open the balcony door, but it’s stuck. He says he can’t stay there, but has nowhere to go, and no way to get him there.

Victor finally gets the door open, and Ilene thanks him. He tells her about the woman in labor, and how he delivered a baby. He says it was terrifying. If the child lives, it’s a new generation and might give them a reason to hope. Ilene asks where he’d go if he left, and he says he has a place in mind. She takes something out of a pocket, and gives it to him. She says it was supposed to be a wedding gift, but it’s the least she can do for what she did. He opens what looks like a jewelry case, and thanks her. She thanks him for freeing her little girl.

Ilene tells Victor that there are no more generations, and jumps off the balcony.

Jake polishes his gun. Alicia tells him that she’s sorry. Luci is unconscious, and Alicia can’t get her to wake up. Jake says they’ll be at the ranch in a few hours. He tells her that it’s a terrible world. Did he just figure this out?

The guard at the ranch sees Jake coming, and the gate is opened. Madison hugs Alicia while Luci is being tended to. She wonders where Travis is, but Alicia doesn’t say anything. Madison sees her face, and says, no. Nick runs to Lucy and creepy Troy walks around smiling. He says Luci isn’t going to make it, so she doesn’t go to the infirmary. Nick says that it’s Troy’s fault, and Troy says he’d do it again. Troy says she’ll turn, and is about to shoot her. Nick tells Troy that he’ll do it, but Troy says no. For whatever reason, he relents, and gives Nick the gun. Chris points the gun at Troy, and the others draw their guns. Nick tells them to let her in, and Troy says that’s not how they do things. Madison tells Nick to stop, and he says not this time. Joseph steps between Nick and Troy, and asks for the gun. Nick says he can’t let Luci die. Joseph says if she has a pulse, they’ll let her in, but he has to give him the gun. Madison says to give it to him, and Nick hands the gun over. Joseph tells them to take Luci to the infirmary, and the show’s over. Madison tells Alicia to get herself checked out. She stands alone for a moment, fighting back tears, before walking back in. The gate closes.

Madison cries under a tree. Joseph finds her. She tells him she’s not well. He says after his first wife left, he drank a lot of JD and Coke, and had many a bad morning. She asks why he’s there. He tells her that after someone has this kind of loss, sometimes they take matters into their own hands, and these days, it presents another set of problems. Part of his job is to make sure she’s not a danger to herself or anyone else. She says it’s too soon to tell. Joseph says it looks like they’re missing a Beretta from the fuel truck, and asks if she borrowed it. If she did, she has to sign it out like a library book. She signs the ledger. He tells her he’s sorry for her loss. Madison says he was a good man, and Joseph says he believes it, being with a woman like her. I like Joseph.

Nick watches Luci. Alicia comes in, and he thanks her for getting Luci back. He asks if she’s okay, and hugs her. She cries.

Victor unlocks a car in the parking garage. He takes the cover off, saying it’s his style and color. I call it fancy black car, because I know diddly about cars.

Alicia and Nick find Madison, who insists she’s okay. She says Nick asked if she has a plan, and she does. They’re going to stay there, and make it their home, even if they have to take it over. She says it’s their fate. They suffered to get there, and Travis died; they have to accept it. She wants to know how it happened, and asks Alicia to tell her everything about how Travis died. We see the family in a tableau.

This season, there will be lots of zombies, but Nick says the monster there is worse than the one outside.

🐎 Sadly, it was the Return to Amish finale tonight. I’ve been having the best time watching it; I hate to see it go. To end the season, the group took a trip to Las Vegas. Supposedly as a honeymoon for Jeremiah and Carmella, who haven’t had a night without her children since they began their relationship, which sounds like as good an excuse as any. Having broken her ankle slipping on some ice a few days before, Mary didn’t let it interfere with her fun, and got around on a scooter. She had her picture taken with a couple of Chippendales dancers, did some gambling, and got her drink on. Jeremiah and Carmella renewed their vows, dressed as a cowboy and Native American princess, while Elvis officiated. Everyone had a day at the salon beforehand, where, true to filterless form, Sabrina suggested that in lieu of a Brazilian wax, Mary start a trend called the “buggy trail,” causing fits of hysterical laughter. The best part was seeing Rebecca and Sabrina make up, and at least for the moment, everyone being a family again. It also did Mary’s heart a world of good. Sadly, there was no happy ending for much of the cast, according to the end blurbs. Jeremiah and Carmella have separated, Chester is on the verge of being shunned because Mary is having too much fun, and although they didn’t say it in these words, it sounded like Sabrina may have relapsed, but still fighting the good fight about her children. I hope they come back for another season or retitled show to figure it out. Abe tells us that at the end of the day, they’re family, which is one of the things that makes this show attractive. Even though they’re not all related by blood, the dynamics are very much like a family, and everyone wants to be heard. After Sabrina and Rebecca finally talk like grown women, Rebecca is surprised to find they’re both on the same page, just wanting their feelings to be validated – or as Sabrina puts it, treat each other “human.” While there might be contrived moments, these people impress me as very real. It’s been a delight to get a glimpse into their corner of the world, which is really not all that different.

 

 

April 3, 2017 – Agrabah is Found, Rick is Found Out & a Coupla Wives Notes

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

I’m not sure why, but I almost typed One Day at a Time. I must be having 70s TV flashbacks.

David paces as he processes that Hook killed his father. Emma tells him that she and Hook had a fight, and Hook left town.

The Nautilus speeds through the ocean. It goes out of control, and the crew is tossed all over the place. Nemo says they portalled into another realm. Hook says they have to go back to Storybrooke, but they need Kraken blood and Gideon used the last of it. I hate when that happens. Hook says they’re going hunting.

Jasmine and Aladdin are still looking for Agrabah. Aladdin insists it’s not there in the Enchanted Forest. He thinks they should just make a new home in Storybrooke, but Jasmine says sorry, she can’t. He tries to kiss her, and it’s a no. A ring falls out of her pocket, and she thinks the wish gave her a reminder of how she’s failed. She knows what she has to do.

Many years ago, in Agrabah, Jasmine’s father is offering a dowry, but she says there will be no engagement today. The king says he knows she wants to marry for love, but she has to think of duty; she needs a prince with an army. She says she’s already found a prince – Aladdin. Jafar pops in and says that Aladdin is a loser. He takes out a vial of sand, and tosses some of it at a potential suitor. He disappears, poof! in a puff of burgundy smoke. Jafar says the only way to save the kingdom is for Jasmine to marry him, but she says that’s not happening. He says if she doesn’t marry him by sundown, Agrabah will be destroyed.

In present time, Aladdin and Jasmine row across a lake. He reminds her that they can’t swim. Giant tentacles come out of the water, and they bat at them with the oars. You wouldn’t think this would be very effective, but an oar gets stuck in the creature’s mouth and it disappears. Hook rises out of the water on the Nautilus. He tells them to climb aboard before they get themselves killed.

David and Emma are interrupted by Regina who suggests that she, Emma and Snow have a ladies’ night out. I guess the curse is still going on because David goes home to trade places with Snow. Regina hears me and says she’s working on it.

Hook tells Jasmine and Aladdin that now he has no way to get back home, so thanks a lot. He says they could give him one of their wishes, but Aladdin says it won’t work. Jasmine says Jafar took Agrabah, but she can’t face him again. He took everything she cared about, and she’s afraid of him. She says they can’t find him anyway, but Hook says that’s not true; Jafar has revenge in his heart. He’s heard Jafar is handy with traveling between realms, and with any luck, they can all get back home. He tells Jasmine that she doesn’t have to face him alone this time. She says perhaps Agrabah has found its hero.

Emma goes through a box of treasures, and takes out a ring on a chain. Henry asks if she’s okay. Her phone rings, and she says she’s on her way. She tells Henry they’ll talk later.

Emma goes to the bar, Aesop’s Fables, and meets Regina and Snow, who tricked her into coming. Snow suggests she try an artisanal drink.

Jasmine asks if it helps Hook to stare at the sea. He says he never thought he’d live anywhere else, but every moment he stays there is killing him. He says it’s tough when the person you love doesn’t know how you feel. She agrees, and says she’s made some terrible mistakes in failing her people. She doesn’t think she deserves love. Hook says he was like that, and realized that hiding behind the guilt is the coward’s way. Jasmine says maybe she’s always been a coward.

Back in the day, Jasmine strolls through the market. A man chases a thief. She runs after them, thinking it’s Aladdin. The man takes the thief’s necklace, thinking he’s getting a bonus, and the thief turns into mermaid Ariel. Jasmine tells the man to give the necklace back to her and get lost. She gives the necklace back to Ariel, who says she didn’t have to do that. Jasmine says Agrabah is her city, and she doesn’t like guests treated poorly. I guess we’re ignoring the fact that Ariel stole something to begin with. Ariel says she’s’ looking for a prince. Jasmine asks if he has an army, and Ariel says he has a navy. Jasmine asks if she’s afraid of heights.

Jasmine and Ariel fly around on a magic carpet. Ariel looks through a small telescope, and sees her prince’s flag. Jasmine says let’s find him and save the city.

On the Nautilus, Aladdin asks Hook where Jasmine is, but Hook tells him he needs to concentrate on the maps he’s reading. Aladdin acts like he’s in middle school, asking Hook if he thinks Jasmine likes him. Hook repeats that he has to focus, but suddenly, the Nautilus is jarred. Nemo enters, saying that the Kraken’s damage was worse than they thought, and they’re taking on water. Hook says they’ve stalled. Jasmine joins them, and holds out the lamp. She says she wants to go to the island. They all disappear. No poof! or smoke or anything though.

Regina asks Emma how she feels. Snow calls out some Vikings for leaving the bar without paying. She has a wager; they play darts, and the loser pays both tabs. Emma says she knows Regina wants her to open up, but she’d rather be distracted, and this is a good one.

Aladdin wonders what the price for the wish will be. Hook has to leave, and says good-by to his brother and Nemo. He, Aladdin, and Jasmine leave to find Jafar. They’re led to a hut in the forest, and Hook says he didn’t think that Jafar would be in an off-season tiki bar. Aladdin says it looks like a museum, and Jasmine wonders who needs so many corkscrews. Hook explains the frustration of a cork not coming out of the bottle correctly. Jasmine picks up a vial of red sand that she’s seen before. They think they’re in Jafar’s lair, but it’s Ariel walks in. She tells them welcome to Hangman’s Island. She says she and Jasmine go way back, and Jasmine says she needs Ariel’s help again.

Way back when, the carpet lands. Ariel thinks Eric won’t remember her, but Jasmine says if she misses another chance, shell regret it forever. She says Ariel comes from a world that’s all water, and now she’s in the desert being all strong; she deserves whatever her heart desires.

Jasmine goes into a tent and sees Eric. He thought she changed her mind, but she says she was just scared. She tells him that she hopes he can accept her for who she is, or at least who she is in the water. He says he was bored with regular girls, and he has a love for her people, especially poached with capers. We’re all like, did he just say what we thought he did? and he turns into Jafar. Jasmine says he’s not her hero, but Jafar says it looks like he’s coming to her aid. He tells her time has run out, and she’s going to marry him.

Moving forward, Hook suggests they set the genie free if he gives them what they want. Jasmine can’t believe she’s going to face Jafar on purpose. He appears, poof! in a puff of khaki smoke. He thanks them for his freedom, and knocks everyone out except Jasmine. He wonders if things will work out better for her this time.

Ariel is up and around again, and Jasmine thinks they should look for someone with the heart of hero. Ariel says she stole something she thinks is magic. Jasmine says it’s a weapon, and it’s terrible. Ariel says she can do this. Jafar says he needs an answer. He poofs Ariel back to the sea, and threatens to destroy Agrabah. Jasmine says for the good of Agrabah, she’ll be his wife. He tells her that this is the moment she truly fails her people. He didn’t want to marry her or rule that grimy place. He says they loath him, and he’ll wipe them off the face of the earth. She says that she gave him the ring so that he wouldn’t harm them. He says if she’d stayed strong, he wouldn’t have been able to harm them, but thanks to her weakness, he can. He says he’s taking it beyond mankind’s grasp. Agrabah disappears.

Jasmine says Jafar has already taken everything. He says he has no more business with her, but with the ones who trapped him. He tells her to bring better people next time. She says they’re all heroes, and they think she is too. She asks where Agrabah is. Jafar says the answer amuses him, and he wonders why she can’t see it’s at her fingertips. She says the first wish worked, and she sees a tiny Agrabah in the ring. Jafar says it’s as she left it, except smaller. He asks for the ring, but she won’t give it to him. She holds up the vial, and asks if it looks familiar. He tries to take the ring, and she throws the vial at him, and he disappears poof! in a puff of magenta smoke. When the smoke clears, he’s a walking stick.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Aesop the bartender (although he prefers mixologist) gives Emma some drink ideas. He talks about story writing and lost love, and she relates. She thought Hook would stick through things no matter what, but when things got tough, he took off. Aesop gives her a napkin to dry her tears. She tells Snow and Regina that she needs to move on.

Jasmine tells Hook she’s sorry she couldn’t help him get home. He says maybe someone in Agrabah can. She explains that it’s in the ring. He asks if she doesn’t want to use the last wish to bring it back. She says if she was to use it, it would be to free Aladdin. Her father told her that duty comes before love, but she finally realized that the way to get Agrabah back is the kind of magic thatc ould break any curse. She kisses Aladdin, and poof! the city returns. Hook is impressed. Aladdin calls Jasmine a hero.

Hook takes out the Jafar stick. Ariel says she’s sure he’ll find someone to help him. She gives him a shell, and says they can get a signal to Storybrooke if someone is there to pick it up. He says he has one just like it at home.

Emma gets back and hears a rumbling from her treasure box. It’s Hook calling shell to shell. He says he didn’t mean to leave, and Gideon sent him away. He’d never leave her, but Gideon wanted him out of the way. He’s trying to get home, and won’t stop until he does. He loves her. She says she loves him too, but he doesn’t hear it.

Aesop walks up to Emma with the napkin in his hand, saying that as long as he holds the tears of the Savior, Hook can’t hear her. She should be careful where she leaves them. Emma says he’s not Aesop, and sure enough, he turns into Gideon. He tells her that he needs her help. She says not in a helping mood. He says love makes us do things we didn’t know possible, and Hook will stay where he is unless she helps him.

She has to do the one thing he could never do – kill the Black Fairy.

Next time, Emma says she won’t help Gideon, Gold says all darkness comes from the Black Fairy, and we go back to Neverland where there’s a giant spider!

The Walking Dead

♫ Easy street! ♫ Just kidding. Sasha listens to some blues on an iPod. She hears someone tell her to wake up. It’s Abe. They kiss. He says he’s all kinds of glad to see her. She asks if he’s back, and he says not yet. He tells her that Maggie is in trouble. She tells him not to go.

IRL, Negan tells Sasha welcome to the first day of the rest of her life, and bears some food. He says she’s going to help him get things back on track. He says he doesn’t want to see her die, so she doesn’t have to. Someone does, but not her. They’re going to help solve some sh*t. He gives her pancakes with a smiley face in berries on them. She asks what he needs from her.

Rick asks Dwight why, and he says he wants it stopped; he wants Negan dead, adding that they’re all Negan. Tara says the girl he murdered had a name. Her name was Denise, and she was a doctor who helped people. He says he wasn’t aiming for her. Daryl grabs him, and puts a knife in his face. Dwight tells him go ahead. Michonne doesn’t think they can trust him. Dwight says what he did, he was doing for someone else. Now he’s here, and so is Daryl, because of her. Tara encourages Daryl to kill Dwight, but Dwight says if they work together, they can stop them. Daryl knows he’s not lying. Daryl pulls back with the knife.

Rosita says they have Sasha. She doesn’t trust Dwight, but trusts Daryl. Rick says Negan is coming tomorrow. Dwight says he can slow them down by blocking the road with some trees, and buy time for them to get ready. If they can take them out, that’s where they start. He’ll radio back to the Sanctuary where Negan lives, telling them everything is okay. They drive the trucks back, get the workers on their side, go from outpost to outpost, and build an army.

Daryl tells Rick that if Dwight is lying, he’ll kill him slow. Rick says if he’s lying, this is already over.

In the alternate reality, Abe tells Sasha that he has to go. She tells him she had a dream that he died.

Negan tells Sasha that’s the plan. When she comes out, they’ll stand down, if they haven’t already. Lucille will have her say, and they’ll move forward with a new understanding. Sasha sheds a tear, and he asks if that’s for real. She says no one has to die, and he says you can’t do anything without punishment; it’s how they built everything they have. She repeats that no one has to die. Negan suggests just one then. He was going to pull three out, but just one and just for her. She agrees. Negan says she has him wrapped around her finger, and if she had a d*ck, he’d still feel the same way.

Maggie says they don’t have Oceanside, but they have the guns. She doesn’t trust Dwight. She says if Negan figures things out, they’ll need help. Jesus says it’s a tough decision, but he’s glad she’s the one making it. Enid gives her the pocket watch that Maggie’s father gave to Glenn.

Carol and some of the Kingdom knights come across a blockade of shopping carts, and Morgan wandering around. Carol asks if he wants to ambush them on his own. She says if he kills anyone, they might lose their advantage. Ezekiel asks if he seeks to extinguish everything he was. Morgan says he doesn’t seek it, but he’s stuck. Ezekiel asks if he wants the Saviors dead. He does. Ezekiel says that the Saviors are a dragon with many heads, and they have to seek allies. He asks Morgan to join them. He asks if Morgan wears Ben’s breastplate to honor him or for himself. He tells Morgan to fight with them; the Saviors will be defeated, so no one will suffer under them again. Ezekiel, Shiva/Sheba/Shoo-be-doo-be-doo, and the others move ahead. Morgan follows.

Rick and company roll out with a bunch of trucks and bicycles. The Scavengers are with them. Jadis asks Michonne if Rick is hers. Michonne thinks they should get back to work. Stupidest. Scene. Ever. And Jadis is not understandable half the time.

Aaron, Daryl, and Rosita put together some bombs.

Negan and his dudes find the tree blockade. Eugene asks if he could have the opportunity to slow their jets and cool their roll [sic].

The Alexandrians prepare for battle along with the Scavengers. One of the Scavenger chicks says “we win” to Michonne, because they talk like three-year-olds.

Sasha listens to more music, and says you know how this is gonna end. Abe tells her they’re going to walk out the door together, kick sh*t, and eat snakes. She wants to sit this one out. She tells him they were at the beach and he got pulled under. He didn’t come back up, and she was trying to find him, but he was gone and she started to drown. He says he hates the beach, and talks about getting sand where it shouldn’t be. I relate. He tells her, lets go help Maggie. Sasha says just once sit one out. She says Maggie’s gotta take care of Maggie.

Eugene says Sasha must have changed her mind about dying. He tells her she’ll adjust, but she says she’s not like him. He says if people die today it’s because of the choices they’ve made.

There are intermittent scenes of Sash and Maggie sitting on a wall. I’m sure they’ll be significant later. Sasha asks Maggie why they’re there.

The lookout alerts Rick. Rick tells Rosita to get in position and he’ll signal. They wait. They hear Eugene over the bullhorn saying all points are covered. He gets out of the truck, and says hello to Rick through the bullhorn, and I laugh because he’s not that far from Rick at this point. Eugene says the bottom line is they might die, but he hopes not. He says the jig is up, and asks if Rick will comply. Jadis looks at Rick. Rick asks where Negan is. Eugene says he’s Negan. I understand the face rick makes. Sort of amused and disgusted at the same time. He gives the signal, Rosita presses the button, everyone ducks, and nothing happens. The Scavengers aim guns at the Alexandirans and open the gate. Bastards!

Dwight comes out of the truck with Negan. The actual Negan. I guess we don’t know if he was sincere or not. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Michonne sees what’s going on, and that same Scavenger chick says,” we win” again. Well, sh*t.

Negan asks if he’s heard the one about the guy named Rick who thought he knew sh*t, but didn’t, and got everyone killed. Rick says he and Jadis had a deal, but she says she got a better one. Negan says he’s pushed, pushed, and pushed him. He just tried to blow them up. He says Eugene is one of his, and he stepped up. They’re a bunch of animals. The universe gives them a sign, and Rick shoves his finger up its ass. Negan certainly has a way with words. He tells Dwight and Simon, chop-chop.

They uncover a coffin. Everyone is like wth? They stand the coffin up. Negan says they must like Sasha, and so does he. He has her there, packaged for their convenience, alive and well. He brought her, so he wouldn’t have to kill all of them, but that might be complicated. He wants all their guns, every one of them, and a person of their own choosing for Lucille. He also wants Daryl back. And the pool table. Or Sasha dies. And then all of them. He says just because he brought Sasha in a casket, doesn’t mean she has to leave in it. He tells Rick that he sucks. Rick asks to see Sasha.

Negan opens the casket saying she’s not going to believe this.

Sasha tells Abe it felt real. Like they lost, but it’s just starting. He kisses her. He tells her to come on, and she says wait. He says he likes the way she calls bullsh*t, so let him return the favor. She’s going to tell him to stay and she’ll go. She wants to make up for what she said about Maggie. He tells her it’s always for someone else, and if they’re going to kick, there had better be a point to it. No matter where they are, Maggie is carrying the future. Sasha tells him that he’s right. He says putting yourself on the line for someone else, oh my, that is living. She laughs. They leave together.

We backtrack to before Sasha got in the coffin. Eugene walks out with Sasha. He says they could be watching the roads. He gives her an iPod, saying he wished he measured up. She says he still can, and she hasn’t given up on him. Sasha tells Negan that she can use a nap, and just give her a bottle of water. He says he knows this is tough, and appreciates it. She gets in the coffin, and he tells her that she’s something else.

Sasha looks at something – I couldn’t see what it was – and listens to the music. She takes the pill that Eugene gave her.

Negan opens the coffin and it’s zombie Sasha! She goes after Negan, and all hell breaks loose with everyone running around and shooting. Michonne and the Scavenger fight. Rosita is shot, but Tara gets her out of there. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Sasha continues to try and bite Negan’s face off. Someone pulls her off of him, so she bites that guy’s face off. Rick tells Jadis they can make another deal, and she answers by shooting him, and then pushing him off him off the platform they’re standing on.

More shooting. Michonne is getting her head bashed in, and Jadis has Rick hostage. All kinds of dead people are lying around, who are going to be zombies any second. Jadis acts like a big a-hole, pushing Rick around. She brings him to Negan.

Michonne pushes a broken piece of pottery into the Scavenger’s neck. Jadis tells Rick to get down on his knees, and puts him next to Carl. Negan says that RIck had to go with these filthy garbage people, no offense. He and Jadis look at each other, and she says something stupid. He tells Rick that this is going to make him sad and wish he was dead. Negan says, he’d want a kid like Rick’s, which makes this harder. He tells Carl it’s over. Michonne continues to fight with Scavenger. Rick looks around, and sees someone fall from a balcony, thinking it’s Michonne. I highly doubt Carl is a goner. There will be huge protests of Tiger Beat readers. Is that still a magazine?

Negan says that Rick just lost someone important, and he chose this. This isn’t a warning now, it’s punishment. He’s going to kill Carl with one nice hard swing because he likes him. Then Lucille is going to take Rick’s hands. Rick says he can take his hands, but he already told him he’s going to kill him; maybe not today or tomorrow, but nothing is going to change that. Nothing. He’s already dead. Negan twitches a little. Then smiles. He says, damn, wow, okay.

Negan goes to take a swing at Carl’s head, when Shiva comes out of nowhere, knocking him sideways. I applaud. Here comes Ezekiel with the troops. He says Alexandria will not fall; not on this day. Shiva eats Negan, or somebody. Horses and knights and guns, oh my! Nope, the tiger didn’t eat Negan. Morgan joins in the fray. Negan runs out of bullets. Shiva gets busy flattening people. This is really good!. It also comes to my attention that Jadis has highlights, which seems odd for a garbage person, but also reminds me that I need a hair appointment.

The Scavengers throw Molotov cocktails using soda cans. Everyone runs. The smoke begins to clear. Ezekiel says we finish this, and some of them run after the Saviors. Maggie is there too. Negan gives the finger as they drive away. Ha-ha! The gate closes. The Saviors are gone – for now.

Rick finds the Scavenger who had been fighting with Michonne dead on the ground. Michonne is all bloody, but alive. Rick is pretty happy about that. She says, we, we, we, and Rick says, we are, we will, and kisses the one spot that isn’t bruised. Michonne, Rick, and Carl form a tableau.

Back at Neganland, Negan looks at Eugene, wondering how Sasha ended up dead. Eugene thinks she ran out of air. Negan gets close to his face and says, maybe. He announces that they’re going to war, and everyone goes, yeah!

Maggie goes down Memory Lane with Rick, talking about how she made the right decision to come. She says the decision was made a long time ago. They were strangers and now mean the world to each other. She says Glenn didn’t know them, but put himself in danger for them, and that started it all from the farm to the prison to Alexandria, to this moment, not as strangers, but as family. As she talks, we see all of the characters interacting with one another. Daryl takes a little carved soldier out of the coffin, which I assume was what Sasha had been looking at. It says didn’t know on the back of it. Neither do I. Maggie says that because Glenn chose to be with him on that day, it was the decision that changed everything. It started with them, and grew; all of them to sacrifice for each other.

We see Maggie and Sasha sitting on the wall, smiling at each other, as Maggie continues. To suffer, to stand, to grieve, to give, to love, to live, to fight for each other. Glenn made the decision; she was just following his lead. We see Glenn’s watch in her hand.

Tonight’s show was in memory of Bernie Wrightson, an original creator of DC’s Swamp Thing, an illustrator, and creator of other wondrous creatures.

The Walking Dead will be back in October.

👠 I saw enough of The Real Housewives of Atlanta to see Phaedra get “Porshafied,” which apparently means wearing a wig and having your bosoms fall out of your dress. Another thing I caught was Sheree and Kenya bonding. The sad part was how they were relating over the aggressiveness of the men in their lives.

🏛 The jury is still out for the new season of The Real Housewives of Potomac. I’m just catching it now. For whatever reason, they decided to show triple the Atlanta and wait until the wee hours of the morning to rerun this one. A girl has to sleep sometime.

March 31, 2017 – Valentin Agrees to Help Jason, the Weird World of V.C. Andrews & Quotes

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Elizabeth wonders why Franco is asking her to marry him right now. He says why not?

Jason asks Valentin for a favor, telling him that it’s about Jake. He explains that Jake spent the better part of four years with Helena, and he’s trying to find out what she did to him.

Lulu sees Nelle at Kelly’s and introduces herself. Nelle asks if Lulu is going to tell her off. Lulu says what happened is none of her business, and it’s not her place to judge, but she’d like to talk about her daughter, Charlotte.

Alexis enters a dark house. Her phone rings, but when she answers, she gets a dial tone. It rings again, and she asks if it’s Julian. It’s Sam, who is wearing an awesome white swing top with thumbhole sleeves. Sam wonders why Alexis called her Julian, and Alexis says old habits die hard. Sam wants to come by, but Alexis says she’ll come over to Sam’s house.

Sonny tells Michael about the break up with Carly. He says she’s mad as hell and called it quits. Michael says sorry, and Sonny says he doesn’t seem like it. Michael says he’s not exactly in shock. Now that things have settled down, there are no distractions. Losing Morgan could have brought them together or torn them apart, and they decided on the latter. Sonny says he didn’t want this, but Michael says it’s happening.

Lulu asks if Nelle has a minute. Since they’ll be seeing one another, they might as well get to know each other. Nelle was picking up scones for Charlotte’s birthday breakfast, since they’re her favorite. She thinks they remind Charlotte of her mom.

Laura tells Doc about the upcoming trip. He says that he’s not sure what surprises him more, the trip itself or that she’s going with Tracy. He asks if Luke is in jail again, and Laura says that would be amusing if his ex-wives showed up to break him out, but he isn’t involved.

Franco tells Elizabeth that it makes perfect sense. Any two people can shack up, but if they make it official, he’s her husband and can be stepfather to her children. She asks if it’s about the two of them, or him and Jason.

Valentin tells Jason that Helena was a horrible person. He was sent to boarding school, so they didn’t cross paths much. Jason asks about the island, and if there are any scarecrows on it. Valentin gives him a strange, amused look.

Alexis comes to Sam’s bearing diapers and cookies. She’s doing her grandma thing. Sam says she got the feeling that Alexis was drinking when they last talked. Alexis admits to having a bit of a relapse, but went to a meeting, and was coming back from one when Sam called. A new sponsor might be a good idea. A real one this time. Sam says it’s understandable with all she’s been through. Alexis says ironically Julian was again the one who convinced her to stop.

Michael tells Sonny that he’s not taking sides. Sonny asks if he talked to Carly, but he says he doesn’t have to; he already knows what they do. They’re both strong people, and sometimes turn that strength on each other, and they’re taking out the pain they feel about Morgan on each other. Sonny asks if Michael knows how much he hates hurting the people he loves, including him.

Nelle corrects herself, saying surrogate mother, and apologizes to Lulu. Lulu says it’s not her fault. She says there are so many things she doesn’t know about her own daughter, seemingly insignificant things. She said she would know them had she been there at the beginning, but Valentin kept Charlotte from her all of her life.

Doc is surprised that Laura is traipsing across the world because Tracy asked her to. He wonders how it came about. Laura says they seem like an unlikely pair, but they do have a relationship. She says it was Tracy’s fur coat that she wore to flash Doc, and Doc says he’ll be forever grateful. Laura tells him that Tracy has a situation that may or may not have to do with her father. She thinks she should help, because if Tracy goes it alone, she might miss the chance to reconnect with him. And she’s a sucker for Turkish coffee. She says the best part will be the homecoming, and they kiss.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he’s not asking her to marry him because of Jason or Jake. He’d love to be a permanent fixture in Jake’s life, but he’s asking because he loves her. She can show the world that she trusts him and chooses him over all others. She says she’s told everyone that she trusts him, and she does choose him over everything, including Jason; but Jason is Jake’s father, and she has to consider his feelings. Franco says that Jason doesn’t even believe that Jake has a problem.

Valentin tells Jason that’s a weird question about the scarecrows. Jason says thanks for the help, because he’s an impatient jackass. Valentin says that he never intended to be a father, but Helena took that decision away from him. Now, he loves Charlotte and she’s his life. He says he understands, and if Jason wants to search the island, he’ll set it up. He tells Jason that he might want to start with the olive grove.

Elizabeth says that it’s about Jake after all; Franco thinks that Jason isn’t handling it well, and that’s why he wants to marry her. Franco says yes and no. His feelings for her are real; he loves her, and he loves Jake too. He wants to make sure that Jake gets what he needs. Elizabeth says that Jason is still Jake’s father, and she has to regard his wishes. She thinks that Franco should keep his distance from Jake for now.

Sam tells Alexis that dreams can seem very real. Alexis says that sounds rational, but talks about the knocking at the door, and how no one was there. Then the second time, it was Valentin.

Valentin tells Jason that there’s an old olive grove that was planted before Cassadine’s got there, and it had a scarecrow in it. Legend had it that the scarecrow came alive one night, and it might have made an impression on Jake. Jason appreciates the help, and Valentine keeps the offer open. Jason wonders if Valentine has an agenda in helping him, but Valentin says that no child should be subject to Helena. Jason says he’ll do whatever it takes to help Jake.

Nelle tells Lulu that she knows a little about Charlotte’s childhood, but had no idea what was happening. Yeah, I guess she had other things to concentrate on, like the blow out with Carly and Sonny. Lulu says she’s glad that Nelle is taking care of Charlotte. She tells Nelle that when she found out she had daughter, she blew it. She was so excited, she ended up scaring her away. She didn’t think it through, and acted in the moment, making a huge mistake. Nelle can relate to not being able to take something back.

Sonny watches Michael work in some kind of weird proud dad way. He doesn’t want to leave it like this. Maybe Nelle wasn’t the main reason for breakup, but she helped it along. When truth came out, he knows Michael was hurt. Michael says he was sympathetic to a point, but can’t get past what she did. Sonny asks if he’s sure, and if Nelle staying in Port Charles changes anything.

Lulu apologizes for keeping Nelle, and thanks her for listening. Nelle asks how Michael is doing, but Lulu says she hardly sees him. She tells Nelle that Dante said he’s keeping to himself, and throwing himself into work. She hates that he’s grieving Morgan all alone, and Nelle says that she does too. Nelle leaves Kelly’s, and Lulu looks pleased with herself.

Michael tells Sonny that Nelle got a job as Charlotte’s nanny. Sonny says that Nelle probably still has an agenda (WOTD), and asks how Michael might feel running into her. Michael says they’re not like Sonny and Carly. He tells Sonny not to project, and says he can handle it. If he makes a mistake, he has to live with the fallout, and Sonny should know.

Elizabeth tells Franco that right now, his presence is causing an issue with Jake’s father, and she doesn’t want any more disruptions in Jake’s life. Franco says he wants the crappy cards on Father’s Day and to teach Jake how to drive. Elizabeth needs him to give Jake space until they find out what the drawings mean. Then they’ll have him to thank for getting the ball rolling. Franco says okay, they’ll do things her way, but no matter what, he doesn’t want to lose her. She says he won’t, and they kiss.

Jason interrupts, and says when Elizabeth gets a chance, they need to talk about Jake. I like Jason, but I don’t like when he acts irrational. And I like Franco more.

Sam doesn’t know what’s worse, a visit from Valentin, or Julian’s ghost. Alexis thinks about it and says Valentin. He wanted to do the family bonding thing, and gave her the keys to Windemere. She says she kicked him out of the house. Geez, most people would have just said thanks. Sam suggests it might have triggered a response.  Alexis says she doesn’t need anyone to do that, and says she had a weird feeling about the hang-up call. Sam asks for her phone, telling Alexis that she has an app for that. She messes around with the phones, and a map indicates that the call came from a payphone at the gas station near the footbridge. Alexis says that’s where Julian died.

Alexis thinks that Ava might be right, and that Julian is alive. Sam says not necessarily. Alexis says she know she shouldn’t feel this way, but she wishes he was alive. Scout starts to cry, and Alexis wants to jet, but Sam is worried. Alexis says she’s not delusional, just tired, and wants to go back to bed.

Franco starts to leave, and Elizabeth follows him. She says it’s not the best timing, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with him. She didn’t say yes, but didn’t say no either. He thanks her, and they kiss good-by. Elizabeth tells Jason that Franco agreed to step back. Jason thinks he found a lead about the scarecrow. Elizabeth says she has lead of her own, and thinks she knows who can help.

Laura runs into Lulu leaving Kelly’s. Lulu she invites Laura for dinner tomorrow, but Laura says she’s galivanting around the globe with Tracy. Hey, that reminds me. Whatever happened to that show, Galavant?

Sonny tells Michael that distractions don’t work. Michael says don’t worry, but Sonny says Michael is his son. Even if he doesn’t need protection, that doesn’t stop Sonny from wanting to protect him.

Nelle tells Valentin about buying the scones, and says that she ran into Lulu. He asks who approached who, and she says she was leaving Kelly’s, and literally almost ran into her. He asks if she introduced herself, and Nelle thought she was just being polite. Valentin asks her to tell him everything that Lulu said. Ooh, Nelle could be a counter-spy.

Sonny says he shouldn’t be lecturing anybody (truth!), and starts to leave. Michael says if he didn’t make it clear, he loves Sonny, and doesn’t blame him for what happened. He only blames Olivia-J. He says Nelle is screwed up; that doesn’t absolve her, but puts it in context. Sonny says Michael is wiser than he was at Michael’s age, and maybe wiser than he is now. Sonny leaves, and the cheese Michael stands alone.

Lulu thinks Laura and Tracy’s trip is crazy, but it makes sense, and the two of them will keep each other out of trouble. Laura feels badly about leaving right now, but Lulu says it’s okay. She tells Laura about talking to Nelle, and that she’d asked about Michael. She hasn’t learned anything useful, but laid the groundwork. Laura tells her to take it easy; it’s just the first step. Valentin is smart, and they have to be smarter.

Nelle thinks that Lulu just wanted to be familiar with her, and make sure she’s all right to be watching Charlotte. Valentin says thanks for telling him. He tells Nelle that he tried offering joint custody to Lulu, but she didn’t want it, and is suing him for full custody. He says that she isn’t to be trusted. He gives Nelle a new set of keys, saying he’d had the locks changed, since you can’t be too careful. She puts the key on the keyring that Michael gave her.

Michael flashes back to giving the keyring to Nelle. What a coincidence!

Franco gets a text from Jake, who can’t wait to do more drawing with him.

Doc tells Jason and Elizabeth that he has to refer them to someone else, because of the personal history. They need fresh eyes and objectivity. He recommends Andre, and offers to make the appointment. Jason says at least it’s some progress, and Elizabeth is glad he was able to put aside their differences. They agree that Jake comes first.

Sam calls the gas station and asks if they have surveillance cameras.

Alexis gets on the couch with the AA big book. She looks at her phone on the table. She hears something and says it’s just the wind, but it doesn’t really sound like the wind.

On Monday, Josslyn asks Carly when she and Sonny are divorcing, Ned says he’s stopping Larry’s plans, and Jax arrives.

Flowers in My Attic

Let’s talk about V.C. Andrews. I don’t know how it happened, but I ended up spending a Saturday watching Lifetime’s version of Flowers in the Attic, and then every single subsequent film in the series. I’m not sure what came over me, but I fell under the Dollanganger family’s spell.

The books of V.C. Andrews were required reading for the young adults of my generation. I’m not sure why. They’re poorly written, and the stories revolve around – let’s just say it – incest. But for some reason, Andrews spoke to us. Apparently, even after death, as she died in 1986, yet her books continue to be churned out written. Highly doubtful that it’s difficult, but amazing that no one seems to care.

The cinema adaptation of Flowers in the Attic wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t entirely faithful to the book either, and I don’t think fans were entirely satisfied. Then, decades later, Lifetime made another stab at it. While their film was roundly criticized by reviewers, they did something right, because the franchise continued on, including My Sweet Audrina.

For those who live on another planet and aren’t familiar with the series, it revolves around siblings Cathy, Chris, Carrie, and Cory, forced to live in the attic of a Victorian mansion for years, so that their mother could get back into her own father’s good graces and inherit a bundle. She’d been shunned by the family for falling in love with her father’s half-brother, starting the chain of the wrong kind of familial love. When he suddenly dies in an accident, she’s forced to go back to the family mansion. After being trapped together through puberty, Chris and Cathy also fall in love, continuing the pattern. They also find out their mother has been lying to them.

Although I usually find Lifetime movies a let-down – their ideas are always promising, but the endings often fall flat – they got this one right. Despite being panned by critics, it was as though these God-awful books came to life. They nearly followed them word for word. The dialogue is not how anyone in their right mind would talk, unless they stepped out of 1900, and Chris and Cathy have absolutely no knowledge of how life works, even though they’ve gone to normal school up until they’re thirty teenagers. (Wouldn’t they even have thought they’re weird?) Ellen Burnstyn must have had a blast playing the grandmother, which she does with gusto, and Heather Graham is spot on as Corrine. Unfortunately, we lost Sally Draper Kiernan Shipka by the second film, but Rachael Carpani makes a lovely Cathy. I honestly think the reviewers thought the actors wrote this themselves; they did the best they could with the bizarre material. I mean, come on, the evil guy’s name is even Bart.

As with most binge watching, a sadness came over me as the final credits rolled. So bad, they’re good, it was a fun trip down Memory Lane. If you’ve never taken a dip into the strange pond of Andrews’s work, check them out next time around. Fans of the book series will not be disappointed.

Quotes of the Week

Acknowledge your gifts and be grateful to the source. Because if you know from whom you are receiving, you can always go back for more.Rabbi Noah Weinberg

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.Albert Einstein

I get all the tigers I can. At a reasonable price. A hoarder on Hoarding: Buried Alive.

🌻 To whatever attic flowers you enjoy…

PsychedelicFlower

March 26, 2017 – A Happy Ending, an Unhappy Prisoner & a Thought or Two

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 Once Upon a Time

The Evil Queen arrives at a village, looking for Snow White. She wants the villagers to see justice served, and tells the guards to gather them. Her father tells her that she should show mercy, but she says she came for a heart. She finds nothing but straw though. She says someone is going to tell her where Snow went. She tells them that Snow doesn’t love them; she does. Tinkerbell appears, and says that the Evil Queen doesn’t care about love. She was there when the queen threw her chance at love away. The Evil Queen asks Tinkerbell if she shouldn’t be sleeping in a tulip somewhere, and the fairy says she used pixie dust to show the queen her future and the man she should be with. The queen says nothing dictates what she should do, and Tinkerbell says pixie dust only shows the possibilities; the rest is up to her. The Evil Queen says she’s happy with how things are, but Tinkerbell says she believes she doesn’t deserve love. The Evil Queen says she’ll spare Snow’s life to show that she loves everyone. She tells Tinkerbell that she hopes she enjoyed the show of mercy, since it’s the last. I guess she doesn’t love them that much.

In Storybrooke, the Evil Queen tells Robin that Regina wants to keep her dark side a secret. He says he might have the solution, but she says it’s not New York. He belongs in the realm she created with her wish, but she wants him to steal something first.

They go to a graveyard. Robin asks what this is about. The Evil Queen tells him to stop asking questions and dig.

Snow and Henry look at Emma’s ring. Everyone is happy about the engagement. Henry asks how Hook proposed, but Emma says she didn’t give him a chance. She says that Gideon is still out there, and she has to deal with that. Regina and Zelena join them. Regina tells them the snake got loose, and if she shook off her mortal coil, there’s no telling what evil she might be up to.

Robin asks the Evil Queen if they can’t use magic. She says what fun would that be? Robin unearths a box. It has the shears in it. She tells him that they’re capable of setting someone free of their fate. She’s going to use them to finally separate herself from Regina, and then she can destroy her.

Hook sees Captain Nemo on the docks. The captain says, you can tell the ocean your secrets, but will she tell you hers? ♫ Hi-diddly dee! A pirate’s life for me! ♫ He didn’t sing that; it just popped into my head. It’s time for him to go back to The Nautilus, and he wonders what Hook is going to do with his life. Hook says now that he’s found the woman he wants to marry, his past has caught up to him. He doesn’t get a happy ending. Nemo asks who knows Hook’s secrets, and Hook says only him. Nemo tells him that he must tell Emma the truth or keep it to himself forever. He tells Hook to seek forgiveness, because whatever happened will always stay with him.

The Evil Queen wonders if Henry is looking for the pen that’s in her hand. He’s surprised that she’s managed to de-snake herself. He wants the pen back, but she thinks he’s going to write her out of the story. She says that’s what Regina wants. Henry says there’s good in her like there’s bad in Regina, and that means she can change. He doesn’t know what he was going to do. She finally got her revenge, and is she happy? She says she will be. He asks what she’s planning. She says it’s something that he won’t like, but he’ll realize it’s for the best. She gives him something for Regina, and says no matter what anyone else says, she loves him.

Back in the day, the Evil Queen’s father says they need to talk. She says she knows he’ll say revenge won’t make her happy, but she wants to find out for herself. He says he’s there to help her get it. He talks about how happy she was riding, and she says that’s the day she met Daniel. Her father doesn’t believe that killing Snow will help her, but he thinks he can get her what she wants. He gives her a map that will lead to something that can find Snow.

Forward in Storybrooke, Regina shows the others what the Evil Queen sent to her. It’s a page from the book that’s been ripped out – Robin and Regina kissing, an ending that will never be. The Evil Queen wants her to know that she’ll hurt Robin unless Regina faces her. They think it’s a trap, but she doesn’t want to leave Robin. Henry says maybe he was wrong and the Evil Queen can’t change. Regina wants to go alone; otherwise, she’ll hurt everyone she cares about and she can’t let that happen. The queen is getting what she wants – their fight ends today.

Robin says this wasn’t what he had in mind by wanting the queen to tie him up. He’s bound to a chair, and gets the rope undone, but it’s enchanted rope, so it ties itself again. He says all she’ll do is make a martyr of Regina. He tells her to release him; he doesn’t belong here, and neither does she. He thinks maybe he’s there to save her. She says she doesn’t need saving. He says she could use a place for a fresh start. Regardless, in a town full of heroes, a villain like her doesn’t stand a chance. She says the only one who doesn’t stand a chance is Regina.

In the Enchanted Forest, the Evil Queen’s father leads her to a portal. She says it’s dripping with light magic, and he tells her he found it through Tinkerbell. The Evil Queen says he lied; this wasn’t about getting her revenge. He tells her it’s about getting something better. They go through the portal, and see a statue of Cupid. He tells the queen that it’s Cupid’s arrow; it’s a tool. She can use it to see who loves her most, and use it to find him. The Evil Queen says she thought he was on her side. She says she’s getting what she came for – revenge.

On our side of the border, Hook is about to burn the dreamcatcher in the fireplace, and flashes back to killing David’s father. Emma sees him, and says it was him. He says he tried to tell her, but she found the ring and he didn’t want to ruin the happiness. He says he was a broken man for a long time. She says he was going to burn his memories, and he says he was ashamed and scared he was going to lose everything. She says it’s not easy, but he would have been forgiven. He says he’s destroyed his own family, and he didn’t know how he could live with destroying hers. She tells him that they can’t hide things from each other, and he should know that. That’s why she thought they were together, and when he’s ready for that, they can talk. She gives him back the ring.

Hook finds Captain Nemo, and asks where he’s headed. The captain says destinations never matter, and asks what happened. Hook says the captain gave him good advice, but he didn’t take it. He’s not the man Emma needs him to be, and he has to find that man. The captain once said that the Nautilus could help a man discover who he could be. Nemo says get on board.

Regina goes home, and the Evil Queen shows up, poof! in a puff of purple smoke. She shows Regina the shears and says she’s going to destroy her.

Meanwhile, back at the Cupid statue, the Evil Queen smushes up some flowers, and says now we’re getting somewhere. She’s going to find Snow. Her father says not everyone gets a second chance at love, and this arrow will allow her to gaze on who she loves most. She says there’s a thin line between love and hate, as Martin Lawrence learned in the movie of the same name. The tip of the arrow turns black, and she says that now she can gaze on who she hates the most, Snow White. She shoots the arrow.

Moving on. Regina says it’s always about revenge, and she’s ready. She says the town isn’t big enough for both of them, and the Evil Queen says they finally agree on something. The shears glow, and purple lightening bolts shoot between them. The queen tells Regina, see you on the other side, and cuts the bolts. Regina says, let’s finish this. They both make swords appear and start to duel.

Rewinding, the arrow heads to the castle. The Evil Queen says Snow must know she’s not there, and wants to steal from her. She goes back home, but can’t find Snow. She says the arrow should have led her to gaze on the person she hates most. She sees herself in a mirror and smashes it.

The Storybrooke duel continues. It must be weird fighting with yourself. Says Tyler Durden. Regina throws a disco ball at the Evil Queen. The Evil Queen throws her against the wall. She says Regina has been fooling herself. She’s all that will ever be inside of her. Regina says she’s wrong, and the tree mural wallpaper comes to life, trapping the Evil Queen in its branches. Cool! Regina says what’s inside her is real, and the Evil Queen can’t take it away. She takes the queen’s heart. The queen says she hates her. Regina starts to crush the heart, and sees herself in the mirror and remembers. She says she doesn’t anymore, and releases the queen. She says she’s going to do what they never could – be brave for the both of them and choose love over hate. She takes both of their hearts and puts them together for a moment. She puts the hearts back in their respective owners.

The Evil Queen wonders what’s happening to her. Regina says she gave her some love, and she’s taking back some of their darkness. She’s part of her. They’re part of each other, whether she likes it or not. Regina says she loves herself, and so should the queen. There’s a one-sided hug, and the queen tentatively hugs back.

Regina asks if Robin is okay. The Not-As-Evil-Now Queen says she kept her word, and sent him where he wanted to go. She says Gold was too busy worrying about his son to mind the shop. Regina is sorry she didn’t get to say good-by, but the queen thinks maybe it’s better that way. She asks if Regina regrets not walking into the tavern that day, but Regina can’t imagine a life without Henry and all of her Storybrooke friends. It wasn’t her happy ending, but it gave her hope when she needed it most. The queen says she wouldn’t mind some hope. She not sure what she’s supposed to do. She needs a fresh start but has no clue where that is. Regina thinks she knows who can help.

Henry asks where he should send her, and Regina says where she can start over and have a new life. Emma frets that it’s against the rules to change things. Henry says he’s not supposed to affect those in his book, but she’s not in it. Zelena and Snow are worried she’ll still seek revenge. Snow says she wants to believe in her, but not everyone is redeemable. Regina tells Snow that she’s given the queen what she needs to make the right choices. Zelena says don’t blame her if she wakes up to a crushed heart. The queen says that won’t happen – at least she hopes not. She’s truly sorry, and promises to do the right thing. She’s sorry for what she put Snow through again.

Henry calls the queen “mom,” and she says he never called her that before. They hug. Henry asks for his pen and if she’s ready. As he writes, the queen thanks Regina. Regina tells her to promise she won’t waste a single minute. Henry writes that the Evil Queen went to a place where she got a fresh start, and she disappears into some sparkly lights. They wonder where she went, and Regina has her ideas. I have an idea too – did anyone have her take the curse off of Snow and David?

The queen appears in a tavern. She wonders where she is, and then sees Robin. She sits across from him. He asks if she’s kidnapping him again, and requests to finish his ale first. She says that’s not what she’s doing, and he says her villain plan must not have worked out. She says she’s okay with that, since she had a change of heart (wink-wink). She was wondering if maybe she could buy him a drink. He says it’s his round; he’ll buy her one. They clink glasses.

Back to Storybrooke. Snow finds Hook on the docks. He asks if everything is okay. She says Regina did it – she vanquished the Evil Queen, and gave her a happy ending. She didn’t think it was possible after all these years, but it was. Love can save even the darkest souls. She says Emma told her about the engagement, and she couldn’t be happier. She tells him that Emma waited a long time for someone to share her life with, and Snow is happy it’s him. She leaves, and he looks at the ring. Oh, go on. Tell her.

Emma comes home to a dark house.

Nemo asks if Hook is ready for adventure. Hook says he’s going back to Emma, because even villains get second chances, and hopefully third ones. The Nautilus starts to submerge. The captain says he didn’t give the order. Gideon appears, and says that he did. He tells Hook that for what he has planned, Hook can’t be in Storybrooke. He disappears, poof! in a puff of red smoke. The Nautilus starts to go down into the water as Gideon watches from the docks.

Emma looks out window. She turns out the lights.

Next time, Emma wants to move on, Aladdin is back, and Ariel joins the team.

The Walking Dead

Tara talks about the women she met at Oceanside, and how they have guns. Enid asks Carl if he ever thinks about who he killed. We see the Alexandrians taking boats to the island.

Maggie teaches gardening at Hilltop.

Rick gives Michonne a boost up a tree. She asks when the clock starts, and Rick says as soon as she’s up there. Jesus and Daryl put together a bomb. Jesus says he should have tried harder to stop Rosita and Sasha. Daryl says they can take care of themselves. He knows people have to die.

Sasha has been taken prisoner. A dude asks if she’s okay, and she asks for water. He introduces himself as David. He says last night was a sh*tstorm, and he’s the guy who gave them the rope to tie her up. He says if he gives her water – which he’s not supposed to – will she do something she’s not supposed to for him? He asks how thirsty she is, tearing her shirt, and she tells him to go to hell and headbutts him. He says fighting will just make it last longer. Negan comes by and asks what he’s doing in there. Answering his own question, Negan says he’s trying to rape this woman, and it’s unacceptable behavior. Rape is against the rules there, and he wouldn’t want to be somewhere that was let fly. He takes out a Crocodile Dundee sized knife, and says David crossed the line. David says sorry, and Negan stabs him through the neck, saying he doesn’t accept the apology. He tells the guard to get Sasha a new shirt, and tells her he’s sorry she had to see that. He adds sorry about the rope, but she caused one hell of a fracas.

Negan says he remembers her. She was there, and he gets it now. He tells her that she’s got beach ball sized ladynuts. Ha-ha! The phrases this guy comes up with! He asks if Rick put her up to this. She calls Rick his bitch, and says no. He says that’s not the way it’s going to go; this could be the beginning. He puts the knife in front of her. He says she can use it to take him out, but since he’s above her, holding a baseball bat, that would be a bad idea. She could slit her wrists, but that would be a shame. She could do nothing, and let David eat her face, which would also be a shame. Or she could save herself, and join the cause. He knows what he’d do. He tells her that he’s a man short, and he’d like to harness the heat. She could help him run this place. That’s all it was ever about, and still can be for her. He knows it’s hard to picture, but they all have sh*t to get over. He tells her to think about it. No pressure. He apologizes again. He asks her to understand that they’re not monsters.

Eugene brings supplies to Sasha. He explains the pillow isn’t hypoallergenic. He shares that there was debate about him coming, and was told he’s on his own. He says taking up with the management was indeed the right select for him, and suggests she do the same. He says he was full tilt delusional, thinking he could be brave. Referring to Abe and Glenn, he says to see someone brave get killed like that, and then a repeat, he couldn’t. Being there means he’ll never have to again, and neither will she if she says yes. He says Abe would want her to. Then says, no, he wouldn’t. He does though. Things have changed, and they can change with them. They have to. She tells him to go.

Eugene makes a sad face. He looks at David, and says he’s starting to…and Sasha says go. He leaves, and she looks sad. David starts twitching, and opens his dead eyes. Sasha looks surprised, which surprises me.

Maggie is outside the Hilltop wall, unearthing a tree for transplanting. Gregory joins her, and she says she’s never seen him outside the wall. He asks where her friends are, and she says they’re looking for something they need. He wonders why she’s still there. He says it would be better if they could present a united front, and she says it would be easier if they were a united front. He says she’s right, and he needs to be more forthcoming. She says it’s never too late to change, and if he’s serious, she’ll talk with him later. She asks him to keep watch while she digs out the tree. He has a knife. He gets close to her. He makes a lot of faces, then looks like he has a headache, and doesn’t follow through. He sees a zombie, and Maggie says she’ll do it. He says he’s there to protect the pregnant woman. She asks if he’s done it before, and he says he wouldn’t be there if he hadn’t. He runs up to the zombie, chickens out when he gets close, and then says fine, do it. Yikes! Another one jumps him while Maggie is struggling with the first one. He calls for help, like she doesn’t have enough to do. She stabs zombie one in the head, and then deals with Gregory’s zombie. He pukes. Some guys are walking by, and stop to look at them. Maggie says he hasn’t killed one before; he’s learning. One of the guys says that’s not what he told them. Gregory thanks her.

On the island, everything is all idyllic. Tara is waiting for Tanya in her cabin. When Tanya walks in, Tara draws a gun and says hi. Tanya says they should have just killed her. Tara says she’ll be glad she didn’t. Cindy walks in and says Tara promised. Tara says she did, but she didn’t have a choice. She says her friends are out there, and they’re going to take this place. They’re going to fight the Saviors, and Oceanside should join. Tara says the Saviors came back. They killed her friends, her girlfriend, and took over. They’re doing whatever the Saviors want them to, but they’re going to fight back. With Oceanside, they’d have an army. Tara says they’ll win; just talk to Rick. She says she can stop it, but they have to tell her right now. She didn’t want to break her promise, but the world doesn’t belong to fair people. Tanya says if they take the guns, they’ll be killing them. Cindy thinks they should talk to Rick and try to stop it, but Tara says they can’t.

Explosions start happening. Michonne acts as a sniper just in case. Daryl tells a group to put their hands on their heads, and Jesus adds please.

Tanya asks if Tara’s people are killing her people. Tara says the bombs are outside the walls. She tells them that it’s time to move. They get the better of Tara. Cindy holds the gun on Tara and finds out it’s not loaded. Tara tells her to just talk to Rick. Outside, everyone is being rounded up. Gabriel tells them that they want it to be as simple and peaceful as possible, and they can make it that way. Rick says they made a lot of noise, and want to wrap this up quick. No one needs to get hurt. It’s about what they need.

Tanya comes out holding Tara in front of her. She says no one is taking anything, and to leave or Tara dies. Rick says nothing has changed, and to put the gun down. Tanya says they just want to be left alone. Rick says to let go or they’ll get killed. Cindy tells the people that Rick wants to fight the Saviors. Somebody says they tried that once, and it didn’t’ turn out so well. Tara says they’re going to win, with or without them. Cindy says it’s over, and Tanya says after everything they’ve been through, it’s futile to want to fight them. Cindy knocks her out while she’s yapping away, and here come the zombies. Rick tells everyone to shield the children.

They get ready to kill the zombie horde, and it’s a bizarre bit of overkill. They waste a lot of bullets for people who are concerned with gathering guns. To their credit, there are also a few head stabbers. Rick shakes hands with one of the women. Tanya tells them they’re not fighting; take their damn guns and go.

Meanwhile, back at Neganland, Negan sees that Sasha has dispatched David. She says you win, and he says no, you win. He tells the guard to get someone to clean the mess up. He takes the knife back, and says she has a ways to go before he’ll believe she’s on board. Baby steps. Still, the way she surrendered just now was a good start. They have to work on some things, but he’ll make it fun. He says a little birdie told him that Rick and company are up to no good, and she’s going to find them a win-win. He says he’s going to show her a taste of what they have to offer, and tomorrow is going to be a big day.

Gregory gets out the liquor. He looks at himself in the mirror. He pours himself a stiff one, and looks at a map. He calls for his driver and tells him to pack a bag.

Eugene knocks at Sasha’s door he says it might not seem like it now, but she also knows the correct select. She tells him that she was wrong. She says she’s trapped, and he has to help her. He says he’ll help her get used to the idea, but she says he has to get her a weapon. One way or another, they’ll use her to hurt their friends, and she’d rather not give them the chance. If they have her, Rick’s people will get hurt. She has to die; it’s the only way. She knows that Eugene won’t stop them, but don’t let them use her. She begs him to give her something to stop this. The worst thing about this whole scene is that Sasha is behind a closed door – we only see it from Eugene’s POV. I would think they could afford better sound at this point, but the dialogue was muffled. I was straining to hear what she was saying, and it’s not like I couldn’t hear the rest of the show. Eugene says he’ll consider it. We finally see Sasha and she’s smiling. She thanks Eugene. So I get why we only saw things from his side, but take a few bucks from the zombie budget and hire an extra boom person for the day.

Jesus gathers baskets of guns. That’s funny, since usually we hear about Jesus gathering baskets of bread and/or fish. Morgan asks if they really need all of it, and Rick says they do. Carl tells Enid that he thinks of the people he didn’t kill too. Tara tells Cindy that they’ll bring them back when it’s over. Cindy says she wants to go; some of them do, but not all, and it has to be all. She tells Tara that Tanya says they’ll die, but Tara says she’s been wrong before. Tara asks where she is and Cindy says she’s lying down. Tara thanks her for saving her life. Rachel asks if they’re taking it all, and Tara says yep, see you later, and gives her the finger. Rick asks if she’s okay, and she says he’s right; she doesn’t have to feel bad.

Commercial break with important information. Fear the Walking Dead will be back in June.

Sasha paces as much as you can in a tiny cell. There’s a knock. It’s Eugene. He says he’s given things a think, and he’s decided to grant her request. He slips something under the door. It’s a pill. He says certain death in 20-30 minutes. She starts crying because I guess she wanted a weapon. Did she really think it was going to be that easy? Eugene says that she’s honest, brave, and self-aware, and he owes her some things. He says he doesn’t want her to go, but it sounds like she’s gone already. Sasha wonders what the blip she’s going to do now.

Rick and company get back to Alexandria. Jesus asks about Sasha. Rosita says there’s someone here. It’s Dwight in a cell. Daryl goes ballistic, and Rick holds him back. Rosita says he wants to help them. Rick asks if that’s true, and Dwight says it is. Rick looks into Dwight’s eyes and says okay. He points the gun at him and says get on your knees.

Next time, an extended finale. Thanks for the heads up. BTW, I’ve really been appreciating how these shows run a few minutes over the hour as a general rule now. Why? Anyway, next time, Dwight wants Negan dead (get in line), Negan wants Sasha to get things back on track, and Ezekiel an Shiva join the fray.

💋 Feud: Bette and Joan is the best! Learning all the behind-the-scenes politics has been interesting. While it’s no secret that movie stars of the studio era had to play the game, there were power struggles going on with directors and producers as well. My two takeaways for this week are: I’m glad I never had to work with Frank Sinatra, and I wish I had a Mamacita.

🍑 My takeaway from The Real Housewives of Atlanta is how frightened I am that Porsha wants to breed. And that there’s someone willing to help with that.

ScreamPainting

March 20, 2017 – Charlotte Needs a Nanny, the VanderWedding Begins & a Couple of Other Things

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Anna gets a paper cut, which is a big deal if you’re on blood thinners. Andre drops by. He tells her about doing Charlotte’s evaluation.

Valentin, Nina, and Charlotte are having a celebratory meal at the MetroCourt. Valentin tells Charlotte that no one is ever going to take her away from him and Nina. Lulu and Laura walk in.

Tracy tells Hayden that she has good news for once. They got their first payment, and the hospital is on its way to financial solvency. She asks where Finn is, and Hayden says that he’s taken a leave of absence to deal with his addiction.

Finn is on hold with a rehab. He’s looking for an immediate opening. He tells Roxie it’s a wonder anyone gets clean. I can totally agree with this and identify. Several years ago, my alcoholic neighbor, who’d been drinking since he was in fourth grade, finally decided to get sober. I took on the job of calling rehabs, and it took at least a week to find him a spot in one. At the time, I said pretty much the same thing that Finn just did.

Sonny tells Carly that she’s always welcome at his house. She’s kind of testy, and says she’s there to figure out what’s going on between them and what they do next. She says losing Morgan and thinking Sonny killed him was the worst thing that ever happened to her. Finding out Sonny was innocent eased the anger, but the pain of Morgan’s death is still there. She says Nelle is like an ordinary pain – it hurts, but it’s not going to kill you – but losing Morgan was like a bottomless pit, a pain threatening to swallow her. She gets that Nelle used it to get Sonny into bed. Sonny asks if she sees it clearly, why can’t she get past it?

Anna tells Andre about talking to Olivia-J. He asks why put herself through that, and she says maybe she’s looking for closure. She and Duke only got pregnant once, and losing the baby changed the direction of their lives. She says seeing Olivia’s insanity only opened up old wounds, things she thought healed years ago. Andre asks if she got what she was looking for, but Anna says not really. She tells him that Duke never loved Olivia, but she tried to force it, and it doesn’t work that way. Andre agrees, probably thinking about Jordan. Anna asks about the evaluation. Andre explains that Lulu was granted six months of supervised visits and Valentin got full custody.

Nina suggests that she bring Charlotte to the office. She has a basket of treats she hasn’t tested yet. Charlotte gets all excited because she loves Nina’s office.

Lulu points out to Laura that Charlotte is there. Laura tries to focus on the menu. She says they all have to find a way to be in the same room. If Lulu shows anger, it’s going to go against her. On their way out, Valentin and family stop by the table. Laura asks Charlotte how she enjoyed her lunch, and Charlotte can barely respond. Valentin wants to talk to Lulu, but she tells him to leave her the hell alone. Honestly, either she is the stupidest human on the planet, or has absolutely no control whatsoever. Or maybe it’s PMS.

Finn thinks compared to the bureaucracy of getting into rehab, getting clean should be a piece of cake. He tells the rehab that he’s calling on behalf of one of his patients.

Hayden explains to Tracy about Finn going through withdrawal. She realizes she’s never known him when he’s been clean. Every decision that he’s made, including being with her, was when he was under the influence. Tracy asks why she’s not with him, and Hayden tells her that he wanted to do it alone.

Finn explains his own situation, but calls himself “his patient.” He hopes they can find an opening.

Valentin says they can arrange for Lulu to see Charlotte before the court appointed document is filed, so Charlotte can get used to being with her. Lulu balks at the weekly hour that Valentin offers. He says she scared Charlotte the two times they interacted, and he wants to ease her into it. Lulu acts like an idiot, so Laura steps in.

Tracy tells Hayden that of course he wants to do it by himself, but that doesn’t mean she should let him. Wherever he is, she needs to be with him.

Finn packs pretty much like I do, just tossing stuff into a suitcase. He tells Roxie that it’s only temporary, and Josslyn will take good care of her while he’s away. He says he wants to be someone better, and realizes how much time he’s spending chasing the drug. He finds a vial in the suitcase.

Nelle comes to the MetroCourt with a garment bag. Bobbie gets snotty with her, and Nelle says she gets it; she’s not welcome. Bobbie wants to know how she lives with herself, and calls her a bitch.

Sonny tells Carly that he should have caught on. Carly says he was skeptical at the beginning, and he says if something is too good to be true, it is. Don’t we all know it. She says someone with her life experience should have seen Nelle coming a mile away. She asks if Sonny ever really trusted Nelle, or was just going along with it for her? He says he saw how happy Carly was with her, and when Morgan died, the first couple of days he needed help, and she was there. She helped with Avery, and he let his guard down. She showed up on Thanksgiving, and he was alone, drinking. The weird thing is, that he remembers nothing – not kissing Nelle or even wanting to. He just woke up the next morning and she was in his bed. Carly asks how long after that did he decide to keep it a secret? Um…immediately?

Nina gives Charlotte a giant cookie and says they’ll bring the rest back to the house. She gives Charlotte some coloring/puzzle books. Valentin says that Mrs. Evans can help her later, because Nina has to work. After Nina settles Charlotte in, Valentin asks if she’s coming home tonight. She thinks they should be honest with Charlotte. She makes sure he’s not interested in Anna anymore, and says she’ll see him at home. I’d thought they’d settled that.

Anna tells Andre that if Valentin had just told Lulu she had a child, he could have avoided all this. I dunno about that. She realizes she’s a hypocrite, because she did the same thing, hiding Robin from Robert. Andre says maybe it was a complex situation, and Anna says maybe Valentin’s is too. She thought she knew him, but he wasn’t evil in the past and seems to love his daughter, yet at the same time he keeps hinting at knowing something. He knows why she put him on the kill list, but won’t tell her. Andre tells her she needs to focus on her health, but Anna tells him not to tell her how to live.

Mrs. Evans calls Nina. Nina says she’s sorry to hear it, they’ll miss her, and thanks for everything she’s done. She tells Charlotte that Mrs. Evans has to take care of her sick sister, but doesn’t know when she’s coming back. In the meantime, they’ll have to find another nanny.

Nelle says if Bobbie wants someone to blame, look in the mirror. Michael made her see she didn’t need revenge to be happy, and it would have stopped if Bobbie hadn’t interfered. Bobbie says Michael dodged a bullet, and would never be happy with her lying ass. She tells Nelle to get out before she throws her in the gutter where she belongs.

Carly tells Sonny that the worst betrayal is lying and covering it up. He says he didn’t want her hurt more than she was already. She says she could buy that, if Nelle was as innocent as she seemed. Sonny says he had to figure it out. Carly says she bought his explanation because she trusted him. He kept quiet and played into Nelle’s hands.

Anna apologizes. Andre asks if he can say something as a friend, who also happens to have a degree in psychology. She asks if she can stop him, and he says she’s not used to being afraid. Her condition is treatable, but makes her vulnerable. On top of it, she re-encounters someone from the past. It’s natural to want to tie up the loose ends. Anna says life isn’t that simple; it’s messy and full of contradictions. She says she glosses over her own mistakes – no, crimes – and she pushes them away, but when she sees Valentin, she’s reminded of how she was, and she doesn’t like herself very much. Andre says to be kind to her past self – she’s not the first to take a wrong turn, and give herself credit for choosing a better path. Allow her body and spirit to heal, and she can go back to kicking ass and taking names.  He asks if they’re still friends, and she says of course. They hug good-by. Andre has one last piece of advice for now – steer clear of Valentin.

Laura tells Lulu that the next six months require a staggering amount of self-control. Lulu says when she saw Charlotte, she wanted to run across the room. Laura says she has to play the long game and have patience. Lulu asks what the long game is and how she gets her daughter back. My deduction is going toward she’s the stupidest human on the planet.

Nelle comes in while Nina is on the phone. Nelle asks Charlotte if she can help, and explains the puzzle to her. Nina watches Nelle working with Charlotte and smiles. Nina tells Nelle that Charlotte’s nanny just resigned. (How convenient!) Nelle says that she’s bringing back the dress that Nina gave her for work. Nina tells her to keep it, but she says that she’s no longer working for Carly.

Carly brings up Michael, and how much he cared about Nelle. She asks how could Sonny let her take advantage of their son? He should have said something as soon as he saw she had an agenda. Sonny says that he didn’t want to lose her again.

Tracy says if Hayden loves Finn, she’ll be there whether he wants her there or not. Hayden says she has to trust him enough to let him try. Tracy tells her that hopefully, he’ll be back on staff by the time the next check comes, and telling them how to spend it.

Finn doesn’t remember stashing the vial. The phone rings. A bed is available. They ask for the patient’s name and Finn hesitates.

Nina tells Nelle that she’s surprised, since Carly said she was the best assistant ever. Nelle says it was time they parted ways. Nina gets another call, and Nelle introduces herself to Charlotte.

Lulu asks if it doesn’t drive Laura crazy to watch Valentin trample her. Laura says she’s not in the same position as Lulu. If Valentin commits another crime, she’s in a position to take action.

Valentin rings Anna’s doorbell. He asks if he can come in, and she says what if she says no. he says he could break in like she did, but it would just perpetuate the dance between them, and he wants to end it.

Finn says his patient decided on alternative therapy, but thanks anyway. He apologizes to Roxie, and starts to prepare a shot, but he drops the vial and it breaks.

Sonny says he didn’t want to drive Carly away when she needed him most. He says if it wasn’t for him, she would have pulled the trigger on Olivia-J. She would have done the same for him. He says that’s what they do for each other. She’s told lies too, but she’s still the one he trusts the most. She knows him deep down in his soul, like he knows her. They kiss. He has a silver wedding ring. I never noticed that

Hayden tells herself that she trusts Finn. Tracy doesn’t. Tracy goes to Finn’s room and sees the door open. She goes inside and sees the broken vial on the floor. She wonders what Finn has done.

Laura says if the court believed Valentin was up to no good, it would tip things in Lulu’s favor. She’s suitably placed to get her hands dirty. If things fall out the way she thinks they might, Valentin will get what’s coming to him. Sounds like she’s setting him up. I hope it backfires.

Valentin says no more break-ins, hints, or public disagreements; he wants peace. His wife and daughter are the most important things to him. If she persists, he’ll remove her – for good.

Nina apologizes to Nelle, but Nelle says she’s happy to help. She wonders if she can apply for the nanny position.

Carly tells Sonny that she has to go. She says he was right. They screw up the day to day things. They’re great at the big stuff, and would give their lives for each other, but when it comes to creating a life, they always end up at the same spot. She thinks they should just let it go. Sonny tells her that it’s not going to change, and she says she loves him, and if she hasn’t stopped now, she’s never going to. She leaves.

Tomorrow, Obrecht wonders where Finn is, Anna wants to know the truth, and Nina asks Nelle why she’s not working for Carly anymore.

Vanderpump Rules

Taco Tuesday; Wedding Wednesday. Schwartz and Katie go over things with the wedding planner. They want everything to be casual and fun. Katie claims she feels very calm. She’s marrying her Bubba. Oh, they also had edibles this morning. Schwartz’s mother arrives, and he gives her a Fireball shot. He suggests a wine chaser.

Jax is freaking out because Schwartz’s brothers missed their flight. He spends his interview time trying to figure out which tense of “worse” to use, and ends up saying it just sucks. They had one job, to show up on time. Brittany says her one job is getting everyone to party.

Scheana thinks Shay’s behavior is “off,” and wonders what’s up with him. Everyone goes to the lake with gigantic floaties. Kristen says as many problems as they have with each other, they all love Schwartz and Katie. A bug flies by and Stassi flips out. She doesn’t like bugs or dirt. Tom, who also missed his flight, manages to get there. He apologizes, and says he realized that he forgot his suit when he got to the airport. He’s rented a truck for the fifty cases of Coors Light he picked up. Eww!

Ariana asks what’s going on with Schwartz’s brothers, and Tom tells her that they missed the original flight, and then missed the connecting flight. Ariana thinks it’s possible that they still might get there in time for the rehearsal dinner.

Lisa checks out the ceremony space. A train comes by just a few yards away, and she hopes that doesn’t happen during the service. I would guess the venue knows the train schedule and plans accordingly. She has no direction yet, and needs to talk to Katie and Schwartz. The two of them join Ken and Lisa. Katie goes over the ceremony plans with Lisa while Ken grills Schwartz on how the first night is going to be. Katie gets all teary when Lisa reads what she has so far. We flash back on some of the events leading up to the wedding. Katie says the words Lisa is reading are exactly why they wanted her to officiate.

The others come by to check out the space. In her interview, Brittany tells us about her future wedding plans at a castle in Kentucky. Kristen takes pictures. The planner instructs everyone for the rehearsal. Tom talks about when he, Jax, and Schwartz lived together, and remembers when Schwartz first brought Katie home. Lunch is served. Giggy! Everyone drinks, and Jax says he has a huge crush on Schwartz’s mother. He wants to marry her just so Schwartz has to call him dad.

We flash back on Stassi’s relationship with Katie. Schwartz gives his mom an expensive ring as something to remember the moment by. Stassi’s mother pressures her about the guy she’s seeing. Stassi gives her mother TMI to get her off her back.

The triplets have arrived! Bert, Billy and Brandon. Tom had to dress them, since they basically have no clothing. Tom tells Schwartz that he and Jax want to give him an early wedding gift. The brothers come out one at a time, and Schwartz starts to cry. He says his brain isn’t even processing the moment. Somehow, Katie was able to keep the secret. Tom is thrilled about how happy Schwartz is. Lisa marvels at the identicalness of the triplets. In her interview, she says that it’s buried deep, but she knew there was some good in Jax. Well, Brittany likes him. Jax says his mission was to get Schwartz to cry – mission accomplished.

Shay is fast asleep. More dogs! Lisa tells Stassi how much hope she had for her, and felt she walked away from it. Stassi apologizes for letting Lisa down, and Lisa says maybe she needed to grow up and figure it out for herself. Lisa thinks it takes a big person to admit they’re wrong, and Stassi is glad for the compliment.

Katie goes down Memory Lane with her father. Both of her parents are there, even though they split up years ago. She says they haven’t been together as a family for a while. In her interview, she talks about doing things differently than her parents. Scheana tells Lisa about how she had a Little Mermaid party as a kid and didn’t want to mess up the piñata. They talk about Shay, and Scheana says he’s in a good place and they’ve gotten their couple mojo back. In her interview, Lisa seems a little skeptical, because she never sees Shay.

Piñata time! I’m waiting for the condoms and Ninja Turtle action figures to fall out. The girls work on the piñata, while the guys drink inside. The guys join in on the piñata festivities, It finally breaks, but I can’t tell what was inside, and Schwartz feels that everyone getting along is a good omen of the future. Lisa talks to Katie about the vows. Katie still needs to finish hers. Schwartz joins them. They talk about age, and Lisa is glad for her life experience. Katie says she’s been married thirty years and they should listen to any advice she has. Omg though, Ken is the best! Schwartz says he has no doubts about marrying Katie, and then ruins it by saying she fulfills him. That’s like, you complete me. No, just no. Everyone says good-night.

It’s the morning of the wedding. Ah, to be young and not hungover so much after a night of drinking. The groomsmen go fishing. Schwartz says he’s not ready with his vows yet. Ariana tells him to write it out and not wing it.

Lisa is ironing and Ken watches. She tells him that she hasn’t used an iron since 1986. He wants a picture, and harasses her with his phone. She tells him to bugger off. The bridesmaids get their makeup done. Katie says she’s heard that the wedding day flies by (truth!), and she’s tried to make sure all the bases are covered so she can enjoy herself. Kristen has taken on the job of attending to any last-minute details.

Jax wonders why he has to dress 30-year-old men, and tends to Schwartz’s brothers. Katie’s mother gives her a ring box with a corny sentiment on it. Tom practices tying his bow tie on his leg. He’s brought all kinds of back-up clothing and offers it around, including socks for Schwartz. Jax says two weeks ago, it wasn’t looking good, but now it’s finally happening. Ariana says if they’re still together after all the arguing in Vegas, they should be together for life.

Two hours and counting. Rose petals are scattered. Lisa thinks everything looks lovely, but she’s nervous because it’s somebody else’s day and she doesn’t want to screw it up. Giggy! Lisa instructs the helpers on how to decorate the podium.

Schwartz writes his vows. He says he’s a master procrastinator, but he’s got this. We’ll see. Ohh! Katie has one of those bouquets made out of vintage brooches. I love those! She says everything is perfect…almost. The boning in her dress is painful. She thinks maybe tacos and margaritas the night before wasn’t the best idea.

Ariana has been a bridesmaid a few times, and is enjoying wearing a suit. Tom says love is in the air. Jax says this is it, one vagina for life, but all joking aside, he’s excited for Schwartz.

And now, the dress reveal. No big shock, it’s beautiful. Lace with nude material underneath, and a mermaidish hem. Katie is wearing a sparkly headband that the veil will be attached to.

Fifteen minutes to go time. Giggy! Harrison! Another tiny Pomeranian! Schwartz talks to his dad on the phone, and tells him how much he loves him. Last minute adjustments are done on Katie’s dress, and the veil is attached. Tom thinks Ariana looks great in her suit and he’s right. Lisa takes her place at the podium. Katie’s veil is about a million miles long. The attendants walk down the aisle. The last two carry Schwartz and Katie’s dogs. Dogs! Schwartz wishes he could freeze frame the moment. It’s perfect.

Next time, the season finale, Schwartz and Katie are pronounced husband and wife, the reception happens, Lisa acquires a new bar, and Scheana wants a divorce.

🐮 Okay, going to give Sweet Home Oklahoma a try. It revolves around three women who are close friends. Years ago, I visited a friend in a small town outside of Tulsa and had the best time! I had to laugh about the restaurants – I swear everything was beef with a side of beef. I also got my first taste of Sonic, since we didn’t have them here at that point. One very interesting place I visited was a segregated cemetery. (And yes, that’s the one time I forgot my camera.) I suggested my friend buck the system and get a plot in the non-white section, but she told me that if she did, she might be using it earlier than she wanted to.

Afternote: I wasn’t totally paying attention, but the show might have promise. There’s a French bulldog in it.

👻 Once in a while, I mention a film, and I have to mention Lights Out. As soon as I saw the trailer, I wanted to see this movie. Although not much actually scares me – maybe the morgage payment – I enjoy those creepfests where things pop out at you. This one delivered, although I wasn’t crazy about the end, suddenly presenting me with lofty ideals and self-sacrifice. It was the same way I felt about Mama. Loved it up until the last few minutes. If you want to mix nobility with horror, it had better be damn good. Thirteen Ghosts (2001) worked for me in that department. I have to admit, I’ll probably watch it again, since a large percentage of it gave good scare.