Category Archives: Tyler Perry

May 19, 2020 – Waiting For Sonny’s Permission, VanderFinale, Don’t Knock & Buzzard Shower


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Carly, Michael, and Willow go to the MetroCourt. Michael wonders why Diane stayed behind, and Carly says she’s probably telling Nelle’s attorney to drop the suit, since Nelle married the least desirable man in Port Charles. Willow wonders why Nelle did it, but Carly says it’s not about what Nelle did wrong; it’s about what Michael and Willow are doing right for Wiley.

Sonny asks why Julian is throwing in with them, but Julian says he doesn’t answer to Sonny. He starts to go, but Sonny says Julian isn’t leaving; the conversation’s not over. Jason stands on Julian’s other side.

Nina finds Nelle at the Crimson office, and says she thought the custody hearing was today. Nelle says they’re on a break, and she stopped by to change. Long story. Nina goes into her office, and Nelle follows. Nelle says she also wanted to double-check on Nina testifying on her behalf. Nina says, the thing is… and Nelle says she’s fighting stay in her son’s life, and thought Nina would understand. Nina says she’s been thinking about the situation a lot, and reexamining her own. She’s going to find her child. She believes her daughter is alive. Nelle says she’s thrilled for Nina and her daughter. She knows Nina’s daughter will see Nina for who she is; the gold standard of moms.

On the phone at Charlie’s, Elizabeth tells Franco, sorry to be bailing, but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to see him before work. He says he’s had no chance to apologize properly. She says  he did; he apologized right away. He says, of course (🍷) he did, but he thinks this requires a bigger gesture. She says she’s over it. She had a nice talk with Nikolas, and he gave her perspective as to what art means to her, and the value of her work. Franco says, princely, but Elizabeth says, he’s just being a friend. He asks if Nikolas has found her sister, or is Hayden still in hiding? and she says she’ll see him later. They exchange I love yous. Scotty sees that Franco has a bouquet, and asks if the flowers are for him. He thinks Franco must have done something stupid, or said something stupid. Franco says he couldn’t make it up to Elizabeth, and Nikolas beat him to it. Scotty says, it figures.

Nikolas shows Mike pictures of Spencer, but gets no response. He asks if Mike remembers his grandson.

Franco asks what Scotty means by, it figures. Scotty says he thinks Nikolas would do better in cheering Elizabeth up. They have a history that goes way back to when they were kids. Franco asks if Scotty has a point, and Scotty says, it’s all about the time they’ve spent together. If Elizabeth gets confused about anything, and needs reassurance, she might turn to Nikolas if Franco botched it up. Franco says, it’s ancient history, and has no bearing on the present day, but Scotty says he wouldn’t trust Nikolas, especially when it comes to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth watches as Nikolas tells Mike, Spencer is in Europe. He’s quite a character; unforgettable, like Mike. Spencer has found a finely tuned sense of right and wrong, and to be honest, he was more flexible when he was younger. Nikolas might have questionable ethics, but Spencer is a good boy. He hopes Spencer comes back someday. He tells Mike, hang in there. In the hallway, Elizabeth says she overheard him with Mike, and he says he was hoping Spencer might spark something. It looks like the illness has taken its toll, but it was worth a try. She’s guessing Nikolas hasn’t heard from Spencer since his letter, and he says he couldn’t bring himself to tell her, since he knows she’s disappointed in him. She says it doesn’t matter how she feels, and he says, it matters more than she knows. He says he’s been working on the other piece of advice she gave him; that he look at the part of himself that was worthy of her friendship. She says she can tell, or he wouldn’t be there with Mike. He says he didn’t know she was going to be there, but she says she sees him trying to be a better person and reconnect, and she appreciates it.

Diane tells Carly, sorry for the delay, and Carly asks if there’s any chance Diane negotiated an out of court settlement. Diane says she let Alexis know that her sleazebag of an ex married Nelle. Nelle heard about Michael and Willow getting married, and wanted to level the playing field. Carly says, and she chose Julian? and Michael asks if it won’t hurt her case. Martin walks in, and tells them not to count their chickens before they hatch. Nelle and Julian are making a nest for Wiley, just like Michael and his newly wedded wife.

Sonny asks what Nelle has on Julian, and Julian says, not a damn thing. Sonny says, he loves her? and Julian says when he was Wiley’s grandfather, it brought Lucas back into his life. Sonny says he buys that Julian loves Wiley, but that doesn’t explain why he married Nelle. Julian says, Nelle loves Wiley in her own way. She came into his bar, ready to cause trouble, and they started to talk. One thing led to another, and they clicked. They decided to form a team to make a good home for Wiley. Sonny says, if it’s that simple, get rid of his wife. Annul the marriage now.

Nina asks when Nelle is due back in court, and Nelle says they’re on lunchbreak. She needed to change out of her wedding dress. Nina says, her what? and Nelle says, Michael married Willow to get a leg up in the custody case. She had to fight fire with fire. Nina asks who she married, and Nelle says Nina knows Julian, right? Nina says she does. He originally hired her to take over the magazine. She had no idea he and Nelle were in a relationship. Nelle says Nina knew Brad, and he used to be her friend. She thought they were friends anyway. Julian was Brad’s father-in-law when Brad stole her baby, and Julian thought Wiley was his grandson. Nina asks if they were dating, but Nelle says, that’s not what it was like. She was already a wreck when she found out Michael married Willow, so she went to Charlie’s to grab a glass of wine. She and Julian got to talking, and realized it would be absolutely terrible if Wiley wasn’t in their lives anymore. So they decided to get married. Nina says, so it’s a ploy to get custody of Wiley.

Diane tells Martin, she’s curious, and he says he’ll be happy to enlighten her if he can. She says Julian’s rap sheet is longer and more colorful than his client’s; why choose him? He says, love operates in mysterious ways. He’s sure Michael and his bride of less than 24 hours can attest to that. Willow says she and Michael were friends long before this, and have been taking care of Wiley his entire life. Diane says she has a photo gallery to back that up, and Michael says Willow went to jail to protect Wiley from Shiloh, the other psycho Nelle married. Carly says, Willow has proven she’ll do just about anything for Wiley, and Martin says, including marrying Michael himself. Like Michael isn’t the best catch in town.

Julian tells Sonny, he’s not annulling his marriage because Sonny said so. It might be difficult to grasp, but Sonny doesn’t get a say in his life. Sonny isn’t in his life period. Sonny says, if the game Julian is playing is to sway the judge to grant partial custody to Nelle, he’s going to hold Julian responsible. Julian asks if Sonny speaks for Jason too. He might not be Wiley’s grandfather, but he’s still Danny’s grandfather. Jason says, and? Julian says he’s just checking to see if it mattered. Sonny says Julian needs to do what needs to be done before it’s too late, and he and Jason leave.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas, Mike is like this a lot. Nikolas says he feels bad; he should have visited sooner. All the things he should have done; he has so many steps to go in the right direction. She says, for what it’s worth, she feels better about the art thing with Franco. He asks if they made up, and she says, kind of. Franco is super sorry. Not bad for someone who was once incapable of it. Franco reminds her of Ava. Nikolas says, touché. He asks if it doesn’t bother her that Ava is exploiting Franco’s past, and she says Ava and Franco have a history; why not exploit the past? If it goes well, they can start a new venture. Nikolas agrees, and she asks, what’s going on? His tone makes it sound like something is up. He says, he just senses Ava and Franco have been getting closer in their sessions.

Franco asks Scotty if he shouldn’t trust his wife, but Scotty says, no. Don’t trust Nikolas, especially where Elizabeth is concerned. Franco asks, why? Does he think Nikolas is going to try and win Elizabeth back? Scotty says he knows Elizabeth loves Franco. She worships him, and cherishes him. Franco says he senses a reversal is coming soon, and Scotty says, when Franco belittles and dismisses her about her art… Franco says, there it is, and Scotty says, what he’s telling Franco is to keep an eye on Nikolas. He motions Franco closer, and says, when it comes to Ava, Nikolas is in over his head. Ava will make him nuts, and when she does, he’ll go right to Elizabeth; his tried and true old relationship. Why? Who knows? Franco says, why wouldn’t he, right? Franco doesn’t care. It’s not going to lead to anything; they’re fine. And even if they’re not, she’s not going to fall for Nikolas’s smarmy Prince Charming act. Scotty says, it wouldn’t be the first time, and Franco says, even if she did, she wouldn’t do that to him. Scotty says Franco is right. He’s just saying that because it happened to him. When it came to Laura, who knew letting her work at a disco at night with her friend Luke would go wrong? Franco asks if Scotty is saying he shouldn’t trust his wife, and Scotty says, verify things.

Nikolas says he’s hanging onto hope that Spencer will forgive him, and Elizabeth suggests he do what Spencer asks – leave Ava. It’s 90% of his money, but… He says, the remaining 10% is earmarked for Spencer, and she says, there you go. He’ll have Spencer back in his life, sacrificing his money for his son. Sonny and Jason show up, and Nikolas says he finally got around to visiting Spencer’s grandfather. Jason goes in to see Mike, and Sonny tells Nikolas that he’s heard from Spencer. Nikolas asks how Spencer is doing, and Sonny says, he’s wondering why he hasn’t heard from Nikolas. He gave Nikolas an ultimatum; just cut Ava off. Why didn’t he? Nikolas says, it’s not as simple as it sounds. Sonny says Nikolas dug his own grave when he married Ava.

Martin says, if Nelle’s union is suspect, Michael’s is equally so. Perhaps more. Willow will do anything to stay close to Wiley. Willow says, what about Julian? He’s putting Wiley at risk, marrying a known sociopath who went to prison because she let her fiancé drown, and tried to kill her baby’s father. Martin says she’s throwing a lot of slander around, and she says take her to court. She’d love him getting an independent expert to prove her wrong. She bets he can’t find one. She wonders how he can even consider representing Nelle. He says, what a marvelous maternal temperature she has. Michael gets in between them, and says, it’s time to regroup. Willow leaves with Michael, and Carly tells Martin, Julian wouldn’t marry Nelle unless she had something on him. Everyone saw the look on his face; he’s miserable. Martin asks if it’s just him, or is the hypocrisy level staggering? Diane says, he took a big fat retainer to help Nelle use an innocent child. Martin asks how different Nelle is, hooking up with a humble pub owner in order to be closer to her son?

Nelle tells Nina, what she’s doing is no different than what Michael is doing, but Nina says he and Willow have a friendship and a deep bond, and Willow has a strong bond with Wiley. Nelle says, Willow isn’t his mother, and she has no right to him. Nina is out there looking for her daughter; she understands the connection of a mother to a child. Nina says, there’s no relationship where Julian is concerned. Nelle says, Wiley is a baby, and loves him, but Nina asks, what about the tension? Nelle says, there won’t be any. All that matters is Wiley will be with her and not Michael. Marriages like this happen all the time. Nina says she had a quickie marriage with one guy to spite another. Her husband was in cahoots with her mother, and they gaslighted Nina, and put her in an institution to steal her money. She doesn’t want any of that happen to Nelle. Nelle says, Julian would never do that, and Nina asks how she knows. Nelle says, if he did, it would seriously backfire, and Nina asks, what does that mean?

Sonny asks Jason how Mike seems, and Jason says, he’s sleeping. Elizabeth says, Mike’s caregivers said he might sleep fifteen or sixteen hours a day. Sonny goes into Mike’s room, and Jason asks Elizabeth, what’s really going on with Mike? Sonny tells Mike, it’s him. How about those Yankees? After he left, they won. Maybe Mike could bring some of that luck to Michael for his custody hearing today. Does Mike remember? A long time ago, they thought Michael’s son was dead, and when Mike met Wiley, Mike insisted he was Michael’s son. They thought he was confused, but it turns out he was right. Wiley is Michael’s son. Mike’s got to stick around. Does he want to do that? Sonny gets closer to Mike, but Mike only sort of looks at him.

Sonny tells Mike that Michael is fighting hard to bring Mike’s great-grandson home so he can share his life with him. The way Sonny couldn’t share his life with Mike. Sonny tears up, and says, when he brought Mike home from Brooklyn to Port Charles, he thought they would have a lot more time to spend to make up for the lost years. Come on. Doesn’t Mike want that?

Elizabeth tells Jason, she’s had experience with people like Mike; sleeping a lot, refusing to eat. Mike is done fighting, and wants to let go. She thinks he’s just holding on for Sonny’s sake.

Nina tells Nelle, she knows Julian presents himself as a changed man, but he was involved in organized crime. He’s a dangerous man. He’s only in it for himself. Nelle says Julian values his life too much not to play by her rules. Nina asks how Nelle got him to agree, and Nelle tells Nina, she’ll just say that Julian knows the marriage is best for everyone, especially Wiley.

Carly tells Martin, the difference between the couples is, Michael and Willow want a safe and happy environment for Wiley. Nelle just wants to use him, and kids sense these things. Diane says, Carly is right. Michael and Willow will give Wiley a stable, loving home. Everyone knows that, and so does he. Save the theatrics for the court before he runs out of hot air. He says their time is running tragically short; can he get an order to go? Carly says, why order when he can just go? and he asks if he can quote her in an online review. She says he wouldn’t be the first. Diane says, if he thinks Julian is a surprise witness for her, there are questions she’s been waiting to ask Julian under oath for years. For instance, does he love this wife as much as his previous one? Is Martin aware that Julian held a knife to his wife’s throat, and threatened to kill her because he loved her. If he does that to a wife he loves, imagine what he’ll do to one he’d rather not have.

Nikolas hits the bag at the boxing gym. Franco comes in, and Nikolas says, funny, running into him there. Franco asks if Nikolas doesn’t think it’s important for him to be strong, and Nikolas says, it’s not that. He just saw Elizabeth at Turning Woods. Franco asks how soon Elizabeth is going to forgive Nikolas, and Nikolas says, they’re getting there. That’s not a problem, is it?

Elizabeth tells Jason, everything Sonny wants to do to keep Mike alive, like the feeding tube, will only prolong the inevitable. In her experience, it will also make Mike miserable. She’s sorry to tell him that, and Jason says that’s why he asked her. He knew he’d get a straight answer. She says, if Sonny wants to spare Mike any more pain, and ease his passing, he needs to give his father permission to go.

Sonny tells Mike, he doesn’t know what Mike wants him to do; what Mike wants him to say to the doctors. He tells Mike, keep sleeping, and he’ll come by tomorrow, and ask him again. He kisses Mike’s forehead. Mike moves his hand, but Sonny is already going out the door. Sonny tells Elizabeth, Mike seems more tired than usual, and fell asleep. Elizabeth says she has to get to work. She’ll come back later to check on him. Sonny thanks her for being nice and being there for Mike, and she says, of course (🍷). She leaves, and Sonny asks Jason what he missed.

Franco asks Nikolas why he would have a problem with Elizabeth forgiving him. She’s a very forgiving person, and he has no problem. Nikolas says, as long as he’s sure, and Franco asks why he wouldn’t be. Nikolas says, some men don’t like their wives having male friends, and Franco says his wife can be friends with whoever she chooses. He trusts her completely because they have a solid marriage. Nikolas says, of course (🍷) they do, and Franco asks what that means. Nikolas says, it means Franco and Elizabeth have a solid marriage. Franco says, it’s nothing like Nikolas and… never mind. Nikolas says, what? and Franco says, like Nikolas and Ava. Nikolas laughs, and Franco says, the only not funny thing about them is the post-nup. Nikolas asks how Franco knows about that, and Franco says Ava is a dear friend, like Nikolas is with Elizabeth. Ava’s been through a lot. Nikolas says Ava has told him some things, but she still has difficulty opening up to him. That’s why he’s grateful she has Franco to lean on. He actually enjoys listening to Ava, but she doesn’t enjoy talking with him, and Franco can get her to open up.

Nina says, Nelle is blackmailing Julian, and Nelle says, they made a deal; that’s all. She had to resort to desperate measures to ensure being a mother to her son. Nina understands, doesn’t she? What they have to do as mothers to keep their children safe? Nina’s daughter is hers, and Wiley is Nelle’s, and no one should be able to take them away.

Diane wonders who the judge will go for. Michael and the woman who went to jail for protecting her child, or an alleged mobster, and a woman who tried to murder two fiancés because they didn’t leave enough money on her dresser. Marin says, those comments are beneath her, and Diane says, sometimes, yes, but she’s talking about a gold-digger who married an alleged mobster. Martin says, people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Carly reminded him just this morning about who her husband is.

Sonny puts earbuds on Mike, and tells him to listen to the music. He tells Jason, maybe Mike’s memory will come back. Jason says he’s sorry, and Sonny says Jason doesn’t seem surprised. What did Elizabeth say to him?

Nikolas says he can’t tell Franco how much he’s looking forward to the unveiling, and Franco asks if he’s not going to try burning it down like Ava did Helena’s portrait. Nikolas says he’s sure his princess bride and Franco created something beautiful. Franco says Nikolas sounds confident for someone who hasn’t seen the portrait, and wasn’t a fan of his previous work. Nikolas says, it’s a new Franco, a new Ava, and a new day. He’s sure it will be a painting for the ages, and a party to match. He playfully punches Franco.

Carly says it’s Martin’s funeral, and he says, is that so? How does she mean that? She says figuratively, of course (🍷). How else would she mean it? He says, literally, and Diane says, it’s your funeral is literally a figure of speech. Attend to his newlyweds, and she’ll attend to hers. They’re due back in court. He says, and none of them got lunch; a pity. He hopes it  doesn’t make anyone cranky. He’ll see them in court. He leaves, and Carly tells Diane, she knows what Diane is going to say. Diane says, repeat after her. I must not issue death threats to opposing counsel. Trust her on this, and let her do the talking.

Michael pops back in, and Carly asks if he’s ready. He says, absolutely. He and Willow leave, and Carly sighs, turns around, and follows him out.

Nelle tells Nina, she has to go. They’re about to reconvene, and she’s so excited. Are they good? Nina is really her only friend, and she’d wanted to count on Nina this afternoon. Nina says she can do this for Wiley, and Nelle hugs her. Methinks Nina is going to do something for Wiley other than what Nelle thinks.

Franco goes to the hospital with the flowers, and tells Elizabeth, what he said was stupid. He’s sorry; forgive him. She says, there’s nothing to forgive. She told him, Nikolas helped her get over her insecurities about her art. He says he ran into Nikolas at the gym, and he seemed confident that he would be Elizabeth’s friend again. She says, he’s so lonely for friendship, and Franco asks how she’d categorize her relationship with Nikolas. She leaves to get water for the flowers.

Sonny tells Jason, music is good for cognitive function. The last time Mike was himself was when Brook gave him a concert at Turning Woods. He thinks it jolted Mike’s memories. Jason says, it was a while ago, and Sonny asks again what Elizabeth said to Jason. She’s a fantastic nurse, and Sonny respects her opinion. What did she say? Jason tells him, she said, when Alzheimer’s patients get to the place where Mike is – sleeping more than awake, not responding, and unable to eat – she said that usually means that they’re ready to go. She thinks Mike is just waiting for Sonny to give him permission.

Tomorrow, Elizabeth tells Franco that her feelings for Nikolas are complicated, like his for Ava; Ava asks Nikolas to choose his son or his fortune; and Julian tells Nelle, it’s not an option.

Vanderpump Rules

Dayna asks Brett how yesterday was, and he says, awesome. He felt weird leaving the dinner, and admits he’s interested in her, but that’s different than having feelings. In Dayna’s interview, she says she feels sh*tty about how Brett was screaming that he didn’t have feelings for her, but she knew he felt under attack and it didn’t come out right. She tells him what Scheana said seemed calculated the other night when she was throwing grenades. We flash back to Scheana saying Dayna and Brett shouldn’t have made out multiple times, and Dayna telling her, STFU. Dayna says she didn’t appreciate it, and it’s been back and forth all summer. In Dayna’s interview, she thinks Max loves the fact that his ex, a girl his best friend is interested in, and his best friend are feuding. Scheana asks why Brett is telling people she was trying to hook up with him when they did her video. He says she offered him a BJ, and she says she was joking. In her interview, she says no part of her wants to date him. She just used him as a piece of meat in her video. Dayna says the way Scheana was speaking at dinner made her uncomfortable, and she didn’t like Scheana’s conversation. Max made his bed. Scheana says, he’s hurt. In Dayna’s interview, she says, only a sex addict would say he has feelings for a girl, then screw five other girls, and try to get sympathy by doing her dirty. He’s trying to fill the hole in his heart by filling holes in other women.

Schwartz and Max go to Villa Rosa. In Schwartz’s interview, he says it’s Max’s first time there. Savor this, Max. He tells Max, don’t touch anything; she’ll know. They’re peasants. Schwartz tells Lisa that he’s missed her. Lisa says, the Hollywood Reporter is doing a profile piece on all of their businesses, and in her interview, she says they’ve done photo shoots for SUR, but this time, they’ll be using a couple of people from each restaurant. She tells Schwartz that everyone wants a big group shot, and they’ll have a drink afterward. She asks about James DJ’ing, and Schwartz says he has nothing but good things to say about James, who also had a moment at the pool party.

Ariana and Tom go to a spa, where Ariana is getting a beauty sculpt, and Tom is getting a facial. Ariana thanks Tom for cleaning the kitchen, and says they had a day and a half to pull off a party. She texted Brittany that she loves her, but not everybody has the same level of patience anymore. Tom says, Jax is an adult, and needs to act like one. In Tom’s interview, he says, it’s not a muscle flex. Jax expects a full investment, but only gives a fraction back. Ariana thinks everyone had fun.

Schwartz tells Lisa, he ended up going to Tom’s when Katie became the scapegoat for them throwing the party. Max says he didn’t go to either party, but he did go to Dayna’s comedy show. He had feelings for her, but she made out with his friend to spite him, and he’s frustrated. Lisa says he doesn’t like the fact that his friend took his chance of being with Dayna away, and Max says, maybe. Lisa tells them to promise there won’t be any sh*t aired in front of anyone. Schwartz wants to pinky swear instead of shaking hands, since it’s been a childish week.

Ariana tells Tom about Scheana texting Kristen about Stassi making fun of her house. Tom says, she was probably just making a joke, but Ariana says she doesn’t think it’s funny. STFU about how she’s living. Any time anyone has been over, they’ve been fed and had wine, and Stassi is acting like it’s cute to be mean. Ariana gets suction cupped on her thighs, and Tom gets some on his face. In Tom’s interview, he says there’s always new and innovative beauty technology to keep yourself looking young, and he likes to take advantage of that. He might as well stay looking as young as possible for as long as possible.

Stassi visits Lala, who’s making macaroons. She tells Stassi that she’s trying to be a housewife. In her interview, Lala says she loves her space, and has had no need to reside with a man. We see a clip where she tells Randall that keeping his toothbrush on the sink is not happening. She continues, saying, he is her fiancé. She should probably be living with her future husband. Brittany and Katie arrive, and in Katie’s interview, she says she and Brittany have never not spoken or had tension; it feels weird. They sit outside with some food, and Katie says, yesterday wasn’t normal. Kristen was sitting with Carter, and kept giving her dirty looks, and then texting her crazy sh*t like, go thrive and talk sh*t. In Stassi’s interview, she says Kristen does this when she’s bored. She makes sh*t up to get attention. Who uses the word thrive? Brittany says she’d told Kristen that she couldn’t bring Carter to their party, and Lala asks if they’re all good. Katie says they’re okay, but Brittany says, it’s so petty and got blown up. Katie says she was getting blamed for it. If Brittany wants to go there, when Katie rage texts, it’s not unfounded. She tells Brittany that she likes them, and Brittany suggests she try to get understanding. Katie says she’s done that. In Katie’s interview, she says, because she’s rage texted in the past, she should have no feelings now. We flash back to several times when Schwartz was on the receiving end of Katie’s texts. In her interview, she says she’s paid for what she’s done, and Jax needs to do his time. Brittany says, Jax messed up, but Tom is being petty. Katie tells her that Tom just said they have a pool, and if Jax was going to disinvite people, they could come to his house. There’s only one person to blame. Brittany says, Jax is struggling. He messed up on top of it, and he’s trying to fix it. He’s her husband, so they need to have respect for that.

James’s mom Jacqueline pays him a visit. In James’s interview, he says his relationship with his mom has been rocky for the past few years. We flash back to that, and he says she’s struggled with sobriety, but she’s been sober for six months, and still going strong. She tells him, it’s bad luck to cheers with water, and he wonders if he’ll never cheers again. She says he looks great, and he says, it’s been 45 days today. She says she should get the all clear on Friday. If she hadn’t gotten sober, she wouldn’t have gotten a job and had health insurance, which led to her getting a mammogram that detected cancer. Everything happened so fast, but it’s done. She had a double-mastectomy, and she’s really lucky that she’s not even sick. James cries, and says, it’s hard to talk about this. Jacqueline says she could tell he was holding it in at the hospital. In his interview, he says, finding out was the worst thing. His mother has had health issues before, and would deal with it by drinking. It’s the beginning of an amazing new era in their relationship. Jacqueline tells him that he doesn’t ever have to drink again, and he can have an amazing life. He says he couldn’t picture himself in that position, but Raquel saved him. In his interview, James says he owes everything to Raquel. He thought it was ridiculous when she asked him to stop drinking. He would never have found the person he is. It’s like he met someone new. He tells Jacqueline about Lisa asking him to DJ at SUR, and says maybe he’ll get his Tuesday nights back someday. She says he’s not letting up until that happens, and he says, why not?

In Beau’s interview, he says he wants a home by the time he and Stassi get married. Stassi will have to come up with the down payment, since he’s still living in the same rent controlled apartment he’s been in for years. He has a great job, but he can’t put 25% down on a house. He and Stassi look at a house, and Beau says, it has soul. Stassi loves the grounds, and the broker says it’s in a good school district, which they’ll pay a premium for. It’s going for $2 million. In his interview, Beau says he has some in savings, but not that much yet. Stassi wants a home with character, but Beau doesn’t think they should buy the first thing they looked at. She tells him that they have the party at TomTom later, and that Lisa is doing a photoshoot with a couple of different people from each restaurant. Beau says, that’s going to be at least forty people. Stassi says she used to do them for SUR. She’s glad she did it back then, since she was so hot. She was almost naked, but Jax was stuffing his pants with socks, and during the time Kristen had sex with Jax, he had to pose with Tom. She tells Beau that Jax and Brittany said they didn’t want to go to the TomTom event, but Beau says he bets they’ll show up.

Puffy! Lisa and Ken look at the new space along with Nick Alain and Schwartz. Nick shows them a mockup of the space, and it’s gorgeous. Schwartz says he’s amped about Nick’s vision. Tom runs in, apologizing for being late, and Lisa says, nice of him to show up. She says they have to make a decision; it’s crunch time. Are they going to keep it separate, or knock a hole in the wall? She’d be happy if they’re in, since she loves them, even if they’re a pain in her ass. We flash back to that, and she says, if they’re not in, she’s okay with that too. In his interview, Tom says, it’s tempting to use the money toward something else; it’s tough. He tells Lisa that he wishes she’d brought the checks… so they could rip them up, since it’s a definite yes. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, of course he’s all in. In Tom’s  interview, he says, of course he thought about what he could do with the money, but he’s definitely investing. Schwartz says he’s never felt better about shoving all the chips in the middle of the table. Lisa says, knock down that wall.

At TomTom, photographer Chris tells Lisa to be ready in thirty minutes. Puffy! Everyone trickles in. Brittany says she’s glad they’re all there. Karrah from Vegas has joined them, and Max says, it’s unbelievable. He’s rattled right now. We flash back to Lisa discovering he hooked up with Karrah in Vegas. He says, Lisa told him that she’d invited Karrah, but she loves playing jokes and making people stress out for fun. She was not lying. In Scheana’s interview, she says Karrah looks so much like her, down to her nose scrunch. She’s Scheana circa 2012. (It is really weird.) Lala wears her Vanderpump Dogs tank, and says she always has to give them Lala. Lisa says she’d better. Max tells Schwartz that they had a great first year, and they’re still doing great. Schwartz says he almost cried when they met with Lisa earlier.

The photographer starts to pose people. Lala says it’s the one-year anniversary, and asks Jax if he’s coming. Jax says he might stop by for an hour. He’s good with Schwartz, but they have nothing to talk about. So good – you stay there and I’ll stay here. Brittany says, there’s no point in fighting about anything anymore. Lala says she and James finished their song, and she really wants them to hear it. At least think about it. Ariana asks if she can talk to Jax, and Brittany leaves to get a drink. Jax asks how the party was, and Ariana says it was fun and chaotic. He says he wasn’t as upset as Brittany was; she took it to heart. Ariana says she hates that Brittany was put in that position, and Jax says Tom did the same thing to Stassi with the texts, but Ariana says, Tom atoned for that. Jax says, Tom likes to put his nose in other people’s business. He doesn’t know why Tom shared the texts, and Ariana suggests he take the high road. Jax says he’s a human being. He f***ed up, and he will again. In Ariana’s interview, she says, these aren’t mistakes. They point to a choice pattern; a personality. It’s who this person is. Ariana says she’s not going to argue; Tom is her boyfriend. She tells Jax not to go around saying she’s miserable, and he says if people ask him questions, he’s going to answer. She says he’s been saying things about her all summer. He says he has no clue what she’s talking about, and she tells him stop talking about her, her house, and what he thinks goes on there. Just don’t talk. She tells him, goodbye, and walks away.

The girls fix their outfits, and in Dayna’s interview, she says when she started at SUR, they made fun of her not wearing a bra. Now, they’re joking about their sweaty asses together. It’s pretty full circle. Max tells Brett that he’s sorry he disappeared, and wants to explain where he’s coming from. He feels betrayed, and maybe he’s been too lax telling Brett about how he felt about Dayna. Brett says he didn’t know Max would react that way, since he’s four girls past Dayna. Max says, it’s an open wound. He’s vulnerable, and it felt weird. He thought Dayna was being conniving and spiteful, and dating Brett to get to him. Brett says Max needs to have a conversation with her. The only people who aren’t straight are him and Dayna.

Brittany says she sees Dayna wore a bra. The photographer prepares to take a group shot, and Tom says, it’s like a selfie, so everyone cram in tight. Lisa says they’re all so beautiful. She doesn’t know how she got so lucky. She tells Jax he should be wearing his uniform, and he insists he doesn’t have one. In his interview, he says he’ll wear what he wants when he wants. He doesn’t like to be put on the same level as the others. Brittany tells him that he should have at least worn a black shirt. In Tom’s interview, he says, they’ve always worn a black button-down. Lisa tosses him a shirt, and it lands on Danica’s head. In his interview, Tom says, it’s classic Jax, doing what he wants. Jax puts the shirt on, but looks pissed in the picture. Ariana says, that’s a wrap. The other Max (Lisa’s son) says Jax got all riled up, and Jax admits he’s mad. Brittany tells him, don’t start, and he says, don’t antagonize him. In her interview, she says, when Jax is in a sassy mood, he’s short and snippy with her.

Lisa asks Jax, what’s wrong? and he says, same old. She says, it’s not the same old, and he says he had a bad day; a bad couple of weeks. He gets angry. She asks, what about? and he says he goes off on people sometimes, and gets out of control. It’s been the biggest year of his life. She asks why he’s not happy, and he says he asks himself that question every day. On paper, he has a wife and a house, and he’s healthy. She wonders what’s going on in his brain, and he says, when you injure your leg, you put an ACE bandage on it. She says he hasn’t injured his brain. Take care of his wife. He says his marriage is great, but she says, it’s not great. He’s got a habit of being self-destructive, and needs attention. Four weeks ago, it was all about Jax. Now that he’s married, that’s different. He insists it has nothing to do with his marriage, and she says, it will. He says, that’s why he’s trying to fix it.

Getting ready for the TomTom party, Schwartz says he can’t believe it’s been a year. It’s surreal that he’s contributed to that with Tom. James sets up the DJ booth with Max helping. Randall arrives, and says he missed them. Ariana tells Katie that Kristen is going to be there, and she thinks Kristen is bringing Carter, since they’re dating exclusively. Katie says, Kristen finally made a decision. Max tells Karrah that he was thrown off by her showing up. He didn’t know she would be there. Katie tells Stassi that Kristen made it exclusive with Carter. In Stassi’s interview, she says they were called bad friends because they weren’t there through Kristen’s break-up, but the break-up was bullsh*t; they were never separated. Kate says Kristen chose an a-hole, but she’s glad Kristen made a decision. Kristen walks past them without saying anything, and in Kristen’s interview, she says she knows what to expect from Katie and Stassi, but she’s not afraid of them anymore. In Lala’s interview, she says she’s nervous. James wasn’t just bad to Randall – we flash back to that – he was horrible.

Ariana sits with Stassi, and they talk about taping up their boobs. Ariana says she feels weird bringing this up, but Scheana was texting Kristen during the pool party, and said Stassi was making fun of her house. Stassi gets Scheana’s attention, and tells her, get her ass over there now. Stassi says Scheana claimed she was talking sh*t about Ariana and Tom’s house. Scheana tells her that at dinner the other night, Stassi said she was a grown-ass woman, and not going to someone’s house who has no furniture. We flash back, and it’s actually Lala who said that. Stassi says she doesn’t even talk like that, and there were a lot of people there. Ariana says she sees a scenario where they’re making fun of her house, and Stassi says she’s annoyed, because she knows for a fact she didn’t say that. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s choosing to believe Stassi, since she’s not the type of person who denies what she said. When all is said and done, they’ll have the most beautiful furniture. If anyone makes fun of it, they don’t get to sit on it.

Karrah, who’s been watching the conversation, sits near Stassi, who says, not now. Karrah asks if everything is okay, and Stassi says, it’s not actually. In Danica’s interview, she says, Karrah is obviously drunk, and trying to insert herself in a conversation she’s not a part of. Karrah says Stassi is being negative, and Danica approaches Karrah, saying she’s been watching Karrah trying to insert herself where she doesn’t belong. In her interview, Danica says Karrah is talking crazy sh*t, and she’s trying to tell her to get out of the conversation. She asks Karrah, what’s wrong with her? Kristen tells Karrah, move along, and Karrah says she can be anywhere she wants. In Kristen’s interview, she says she’s been down this road before. You do not fight in Lisa’s restaurants or in front of Lisa. Danica tells Karrah that she said to get out of the conversation. She doesn’t know them, and she’s acting like a psychopath. Karrah says Danica has nothing to stand on, and Lisa tells Danica to calm down. In Lisa’s interview, she wonders why Danica is acting like she’s five. She’s an assistant manager. Lala says when Danica pushed Karrah, Karrah’s wine spilled on her. In her interview, Lisa says, when someone is lying – she gestures as if dusting off her hands – sorry. She tells Danica, it’s time to go home. In Max’s interview, he says, Danica is finally 86’d from TomTom. It’s about effing time.

James raps to his own tune. In his interview, he says he’s back. More respectful and less loud, but he’s back. Lala joins in on their son, and James says he’s excited for people to hear it. People who don’t want to forget what he was like can s*ck his d*ck. Scheana dances on the bar. James says it’s good to see Randall, and he’s so sorry about all the bullsh*t that he ever said. In his interview, James says he was 100% wrong to judge Randall the way he did. Randall loves Lala more than anything, and they’re perfect together. He was the last to see he was being a smartass, and if Randall wanted to pull him aside and say he was an a-hole and immature, it would have been right. But he said amazing things about James, and it shows what a real man is. He says Randall will never hear anything like that from him again, and Randall hopes James is being honest. He didn’t think that’s who James was. James says he was being an alcoholic, and Randall says Lala has a lot of love for James, and he’s a big part of her life. He wants to invite James  to the wedding; it would be awesome, and a lot of fun. James says he would love that, and they bro hug. Raquel asks James how it’s going, and she says, good. She’s so attracted to him, it’s insane. He kisses her.

Dayna tells Stassi that Brett slept with five people in the five weeks since they stopped seeing one another. Stassi says, Max is being a psycho; she did nothing wrong. Tom says he’s so happy, and glad Ariana, Schwartz, and Katie are there to share it. They have a four-way glasses clink, and Katie says the two Toms need to kiss in front of their picture. Schwartz says he doesn’t want to kiss Tom anymore, but checks his breath. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, kissing Tom is smoky, and Coors lighty, but still pleasurable. He tells Tom that his lips are softer than they used to be, and Ariana says it’s the Chapstick she gave him.

Max tells Dayna that he made himself vulnerable, and then she pressed a button that made him feel some type of way. He doesn’t want to hang out or talk to her. She says there were four people out of the photo who he slept with. Brett told her that he had sex with five people since they stopped dating, and he’s mad because she was kissing Brett. Who cares? He says she kissed Brett because she’s spiteful, and she says, it just happened. He says he loves that for her, but she says he’s trying to make her the bad guy. He tells her that she’s on her high horse, and she says he’s on the highest horse there is. All the time they hung out, he says he didn’t care who she went out with. He says he’s turned off, and she says, the feeling is mutual. She’s done with it, and him putting out negativity about her. In her interview, she says, Max is playing the sympathy card with a small violin. No one else can play with his toys, even if he doesn’t want to. He says she can’t hurt him because he’s over her; it’s the way she carries herself. She says she likes the way she carries herself, and at least she’s not screwing everyone to validate herself. He says don’t forget he hired her. She wouldn’t be there if not for him. Stay in her lane. She says she is in her lane, and he runs away walks off.

Lisa takes the mic, and says, it’s been a year. Have a drink, and celebrate. They’ve decided they’re expanding. She loves them all, and it’s been some incredible journey. This year, some of them became grown-ups, and some, not so much, but there’s always an opportunity to get better. She truly believes that. Cheers to a new beginning, cheers to the future, and thank you. Brittany tells Jax, she’s kind of buzzed, and kisses him. Jax tells Tom, congratulations. In Brittany’s interview, she says it’s super easy for her to forgive and forget; sometimes too easy, but Tom has more to prove to Jax than to her. Jax tells Tom that he’s at the end of his rope, and Tom says he’s at his wit’s end with Jax. Jax says it’s more like a relationship than a friendship.

Kristen tells Stassi and Katie that she’s been sad all summer. She doesn’t understand it. She thought she was done with Carter. Katie says she thought they were still together. Stassi says, the friendship hasn’t been the same for a long time. Katie says, Kristen wanted to hear what she wanted to hear, and when she didn’t, she got mad. That’s not love. At the bar, Tom says Jax was spiteful. He wasn’t invited to the bachelor party or the wedding. He wasn’t allowed a single disagreement in the eight months leading up to the wedding. Jax says, it was his wedding. I have actually never heard of a guy acting like a Bridezilla before. It’s mind-boggling. In Jax’s interview, he says being the groom’s bitch is part of being best man. He tells Tom that he was crying in Home Depot while he was buying flowers, and Tom says, that doesn’t give him a hall pass.

Stassi tells Kristen, she cries that she doesn’t know what she’s done, and goes to everyone. Then everyone says the same thing. Kristen asks what she’s done to deserve this, and Katie says, it’s always about Kristen. Tom tells Jax, it’s a constant one-up. Why can’t Jax be happy for him? Stassi says, the Witches of WeHo is done-zo. Her brain is going to explode. In her interview, Stassi says, it’s hard saying goodbye. When she first came there, she was the new girl, and Kristen was the cool older one. Kristen knew all the tricks at SUR, and taught Stassi how to steal wine. Kristen introduced her to this group of friends, and Beau. Then she didn’t know if Kristen would be standing up with her at her wedding, or even be there. Jax tells Tom, he doesn’t know what to do, and Tom says Jax will do the same sh*t he’s done for twenty years. In Tom’s interview, he says Jax has been his friend for a long time, but he doesn’t know if he has space for Jax’s negativity anymore. He’s wasting his love and energy on the wrong person. Jax asks what they should do at this point, and Tom says he’s establishing boundaries. He’s not doing this anymore. Jax asks if they should take a break or a little time out, and Tom says, sure. Stassi and Katie go inside, leaving Kristen to follow by herself. Jax tells Brittany that he’s done with things with Tom, who wandered off. In Lisa’s interview, she says she doesn’t know where to start. Years of friendship she thought would last forever, and everything turned upside down. She doesn’t know where they’ll go from here. Jax will realize one day that these were his lifelong friends. We flash back to all of them over the years.

Lisa tells Jax that he shouldn’t make himself more special than he is. They’re all human, fall in love, f*** up, and they’ve all lost parents. It’s not a tragedy; it’s what life is about. He’s got every chance in life to pull it together, and see how lucky he is. End of effing story. Everyone leaves the party.

Next time, the reunion.

If Loving You Is Wrong

After Eddie shows Natalie the video of Kelly happy kissing Lushion, Natalie tells Eddie, get out. He says, nice place. A little Afrocentric for his taste, but nice. He leaves, and Natalie calls Lushion, leaving a message for him to call. She immediately calls again, and says, call her now.

Alex finishes with Randal, and gets a drink. He says he hates her, and she says she knows. He asks why she turned up, and she says because she can. And she wanted to show him something. He says, that she knows how to swallow? and she says, yeah, her pride. And that she knows how to be submissive, but most of all, she needed to let him know how stupid he actually is. Just like most men. He thinks he’s so smart. He thought she was the poor little housewife next door. He says that’s exactly what she is, and she says he’s so wrong. He suggests she tell him what she is, and she says, he thought he was a big bad snake and she was a poor little mouse. It’s more like he’s the tiny mouse and she’s the snake. She laughs, and says he doesn’t get the fact she played him since day one. He says, do not, and she says she knew he wanted her, and she was in control because men are so stupid. He did everything she wanted him to do, when she wanted him to do it. She did this just now. He’s welcome. He says she’s so very naïve thinking that. Get the hell out. She says gladly, and digs in his back pocket for his wallet. He tells her again to get out, and she leaves.

He follows her out, and says, on second thought, he had her pegged from the first moment. He knew she was easy, weak, and vulnerable, and he knew. She asks what did he know? and he says he knew she wasn’t in love with Brad, and he went after her. She laughs, and says he can’t stand it, can he? He says she can’t stand that he’s right, and she says, which proves her point. Everything he says is true, which proves she went after him. He’s really not that smart. Eddie parks in front of them, and Randal asks what the hell he’s doing there. Eddie tells Alex, hi, whore, and she says, hi, bigger whore. He says he’ll take that as a compliment. He sees they’re back at it, and Alex says, they are. They just had great sex. Eddie tells Alex to get her ass back in her house, and she tells him to get his ass back in his house. Oh, wait. He doesn’t have a house. Randal asks why Eddie is there, and Eddie says Randal called the police. Randal says he called the real police, and Eddie says, the real police are there, d*ckhead. Randal said someone assaulted him. Randal says, go to hell, and Eddie says he can take Randal down to the station for making a false claim. Randal says he didn’t, and Eddie asks who assaulted him? Randal says, Natalie, and Eddie says, what is wrong with you people? All you ever think about is violence and killing. Randal says, someone should kill Eddie’s ass, and Eddie says, everyone tried and failed. Does he want to press charges or take a ride? Randal says, kiss his ass, and Eddie says he’s the law. Come with him or take a walk. Randal goes to his door, and Eddie says, best decision he’s ever made. He asks what Alex is still doing there, and she says she’s waiting for her ride. Unless he wants to give her a ride. He says he wouldn’t spit on her ass if it was on fire. He asks what she’s doing; what’s with this whole get-up? She says she’s going back to her roots, and he says it’s quite the hombre look she’s got going on. Go in her house. She says she doesn’t live there anymore. She left Brad and the kids. They can take care of themselves. Eddie wonders what’s going on, and heads toward Brad’s house. Alex jumps in the squad car, and takes off.

Eddie radios dispatch, and tells them to look out for his patrol car. The dispatcher says they can put a trace on it, and he says, then do it. She says, say please, please, and he says, please. Everyone laughs, and he says when he gets back, he’s going to put his foot in every one of their dispatch asses. Find his car. She asks how he lost it, and he says it was stolen by three Black suspects. One looked like Tyler Perry. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! They were wearing jeans and those oversized T-shirts they like. Alex gets on the radio, and says, that’s a bunch of sh*t. He tells her to get her ass off the radio, and she says he really said that about black people; he’s such a liar. The dispatcher wonders who she is, and Alex says she’s the Black male who stole the car. And she didn’t steal it; it’s not even 50 feet away. He’s not looking. Eddie says, she’s lying, and the dispatcher tells Alex, stay there. The police are on their way. Alex says, not a chance, and the dispatcher asks if Eddie wants to make a report. He says, write the damn report, adding, she must be Black. She calls him a racist SOB, and he says he’s coming back to the station.

Eddie walks into Brad’s house, and Brad asks if he ever knocks. Eddie says, not really, and he asks what Marcie is doing there. Brad says, she’s cooking, and Eddie says it’s one crazy-ass merry-go-round they’ve got going on there. Brad suggests Eddie get off of it. Eddie says he is, but he’s trying to figure out what happened. Brad says, it’s a long story, and Eddie says he’s got all day. Brad says, Alex left him with the kids, but Eddie doesn’t believe it. He says, Brad isn’t thinking of keeping that bastard, and Brad tells him, stay away from the baby, and don’t call him that. Eddie says he’s not Brad’s, but Brad asks why that matters. Eddie says, it’s not Brad’s problem. Who cares? Take the baby to the hospital and pass him off. Let someone else take care of him. Brad says Eddie will never change, and Eddie suggests dropping the baby off at a shelter. Brad says, enough, and Eddie says, it would be a good time to take the baby to the border. Brad tells him, get out, and Eddie says everyone is always throwing him out. Brad says he’s always acting like this. Eddie says, if Alex is gone, can he have a room? Brad says, his kids sleep there, and Eddie says he’ll just go up and look around. He goes upstairs, and Marcie asks why Brad puts up with him. Brad says he doesn’t like it, and doesn’t like Eddie at all. Eddie comes back down, and says, it will do. Brad says Eddie’s not staying there; get an apartment. Eddie says, why, when he’s got this place? Brad says, no way, and Eddie says he’ll help with the finances; a couple hundred a month. Brad asks what Eddie does with his money, and Eddie says, the ABCs; asses, bitches, and cocaine, not necessarily in that order. He has to grab some things, but he’ll be back. They’ll see how it works out, and go from there. He looks at Marcie, and says she’s filling out the A in his alphabet.

Steven goes to Esperanza’s house, and looks around. She says, Eddie’s not there, but he says they don’t know that. She says she would smell him, but he says he’s still going to look. She says she can’t believe Alex is staying at a bar with a guy she barely knows. She’s got to call Natalie; Marcie won’t help. Steven says he knows Alex is her friend, but she seemed… Esperanza says, drunk? and he says, determined to do whatever she wanted. She says, Alex would never give up on her kids like that, but he says Alex isn’t her, and you never know what circumstances drive people. She asks how he got so understanding, and he says he thinks he’s a decent guy. She says he’s a douche. He dresses nice, but he’s a douche. He asks what she thinks of Eddie, and she says, he’s not a douche. He’s a douchebag, a tool, and a crazy person who belongs in an asylum. She thanks Steven for being a douche, and he says, you’re welcome? She thanks him for being a somewhat decent person; for just being him. What if she wanted to look into making this more? He says, why? She’s got all the say. She told him in the beginning that she was in control, and would say when he comes and goes. Is she going to tell him what to say too? Does she want him to move in? She says she didn’t say that. Stay a couple hours, and she’ll introduce him to her daughter. He says, it must be semi-serious, and she asks if he’d like to meet her daughter. He says he’d love to, and she says it’s a big deal for her. Eddie is the only man her daughter knows in her life. He says he’d love to take the time to know about Esperanza, and she says she agrees. He asks if she wants to do it, and says she always has to play hard to get. He kisses her, but she says she doesn’t have time. Stop it.

Larry calls Ian into his office. He asks if Ian has a newer version of his phone, and asks Ian to show him how to get email notifications. Ian shows him, and Larry tells him to sit and relax. He keeps messing with Ian’s phone, and talking about what a great case it’s in. Ian says he can get Larry one, but Larry says, that’s okay. Ian reaches for his phone, but Larry won’t let him take it. Larry says when that hot shot public defender Carl came in, he was so good, he offered Carl a job. Ian doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and Larry asks, why? Ian says he’s green, and Larry says he did tell Ian that Carl just got lucky. Ian asks if he can have his phone back; he doesn’t want to miss a call. Larry looks at the phone, and says he already missed two. They’re calling again now; take it there. Ian says he’s not taking his call in Larry’s office, but Larry answers. It’s Carl, and Ian says he’ll call back, and hits the disconnect button. Larry says Ian will have plenty of time, and Ian grabs his phone back. Larry says, tell him about it, but Ian says, there’s nothing to tell. He’s trying to protect the firm. Larry says Ian doesn’t have to worry about the firm anymore; he’s fired. Ian asks what Larry is talking about, and Larry asks if he stuttered. Ian says he’ll bury Larry, and Larry says he’d like to see Ian try. Ian says he’ll clean up his office, but Larry says, it was already done while Ian was there. Ian says, it’s going be a pleasure not to work for him.

Peter and Paisley come home, and Peter asks what Marcie is doing there. Brad says, cooking dinner, and he asks, where’s mom? Brad says that’s what he needs to talk to them about. Paisley asks what’s going on, and Brad asks them to sit. He says he and their mom have gotten a divorce, and Paisley says she told them. Brad says what she didn’t tell them was that she needed a vacation. She wanted to go away for a few days, and she might be back tomorrow or the next day, but she’ll be back. Pater asks where she went, and Brad says, she went away with friends. Peter asks if she’s okay, and Brad says, she’s fine. Peter asks if he’s sure, and Brad asks, why? Paisley says she was upset about the divorce; she was really sad. Brad says, the good thing is, he’ll take care of them until she comes back, and Marcie will be there to help out. Peter asks if they’re dating? Brad says, what? and Peter says, it’s a simple question. Brad tells them that he and Marcie are dating, and Paisley says they’re not kids anymore; they know what’s going on, and can understand too. Brad apologizes for keeping them in the dark, and Peter says they just want him and mom to be happy. Brad says they’ll talk over dinner. The kids tell him that they love him, and he says he loves them too. They go upstairs, and Marcie says he and Alex did something right. Brad says he can’t believe how well that went, and she hugs him.

Mica comes home, and sees Steven. She asks what he’s doing there, and Esperanza says that’s what she wanted to talk about. Mica says she doesn’t want to talk about it. She hears them having sex, and it’s disgusting. Her dad told him what a horrible person Steven is; he beat his last wife. Esperanza says, that’s not true. Mica says she wants to stay with her dad if Steven is there, and tells Steven, there’s the door. She doesn’t like him or the way he looks at her. Esperanza says Mica has never met him, and Mica says her dad told her that Steven was staring at her while she was in school. Esperanza says, that’s not true, and Steven says, they’ll talk later. Mica tells him, don’t come back. When he’s gone, Esperanza tells Mica, never ever be this rude to her friends again. Mica says, don’t be rude to her dad, and Esperanza says they’re not together anymore. Mica says, because of her; she’s a whore. Esperanza slaps Mica across the face, and says, never talk like that to her. Her father is lying. Mica says, Esperanza is the liar. She made him leave. She runs to her room.

Natalie leaves another message for Lushion, saying she’s called four times, and he needs to call her. The kids come home, and tell her that Justice was in a fight; they talked about his momma. Justice says he beat the fool down, and Natalie tells the others to go to their rooms and do their homework. Justice tells her, the kids won’t leave him alone, and they talk about his momma. She didn’t do anything to them, and he’s going to get a gun. Natalie says he’s not going to do that. He says he doesn’t want to talk to her, and she asks, what’s wrong? She’s sorry. She knows it’s hard, and she’s sorry, but it’s going be all right. He says everyone keeps saying that, but where’s his momma? Natalie calls Lushion again, and asks where he is. She needs to talk to him.

Mica calls Eddie, and says her mom had that guy over, and she told him to leave. He says, good for her. She says she doesn’t want to be there; she wants to stay with him. He says he’s staying with Uncle Brad while his house is being worked on. She says she doesn’t want to stay there; Esperanza slapped her across the face. He asks if her face is red. She says it is, and he tells her to take a picture of her face, and send it to him. Why did her mother hit her? She says she called her mother a whore, and he says, the truth hurts. She says it’s terrible there; she wants to stay with him. He says he knows it’s terrible, and wishes he’d picked a better woman to be her mother. She asks if he can he pick her up. He says he’ll be there later, and she asks if they can go to a hotel. He says, not tonight; he has to work the late shift. She says her mother drives her crazy, and he tells her to keep herself together. Keep speaking her mind; she gets it from daddy. Esperanza knocks on her door, and Mica says her father knows Esperanza is a whore, and wishes he’d done better. He said Mica doesn’t have to speak to her.

Esperanza asks Mica to come out, but Mica says her dad told her that she doesn’t have to talk to Esperanza. Leave her alone. Esperanza says she’s not playing. Come out. Mica says, leave me alone, you whore, and Esperanza tells her, please stop talking like that. Mica asks if Esperanza is going to hit her again, and Esperanza says she’s so sorry, but Mica can’t speak to her that way. Mica says, whore, and Esperanza walks away.

Esperanza calls Eddie, and he says, Mica is damn right to call her a whore, and Esperanza slapped her in the face. She shouldn’t have that boy in the house; he’s not playing. She says he thinks he’s going to get custody, but she’s going to tell the judge everything about how he’s using his own daughter. She wants to give Mica a better life, away from him. He says she’s the one Mica should stay away from. She says, she swears… and he says, bye, bitch. Steven texts her that he’s outside, and she goes out. She sits in his car, and he asks if she’s okay. She says, no, and he says he’s sorry. She says Eddie is using Mica against her, and says terrible things to Mica about her. He says, that’s Eddie. She can’t expect anything else. She says, the worst part is that Mica believes him, and she can’t talk to her. He says she can’t right now, but will when Mica is calm and ready. She has the devil in her ear. She says Mica has the devil as her father, and he says, that too. He hates what Eddie did to her. She says she’ll be all right, and thanks him. He says Mica just wasn’t ready, and she says she’s sorry. He tells her, don’t be. They’ll set her straight. She thanks him again, and he hugs her.

Lushion comes home, and sees Eddie. Eddie asks, what’s going on? and Lushion asks what Eddie is doing in front of his house. Eddie says he had a nice chat with Natalie, and Lushion calls him a son of a bitch. Eddie says he got that right. Lushion has no idea of the damage he’s about to face. She’s mad as hell. Lushion says, okay. Eddie sees Kelly coming home, and says, hey. Kelly tells him, don’t talk to her, and he asks how the fresh air is. She repeats, don’t talk to her, and starts to walk inside. He says, that’s where she killed that man. How does she sleep there? He wants to know. The man’s blood is in there, and she lays her head down peacefully. Lushion tells him, go somewhere, and Eddie says Lushion needs to go somewhere and work on his marriage.

Kelly goes inside, and Lushion follows. He says, it must be good to be home, and she says she’s sorry about that with Eddie. It’s totally her fault. He says, it’s all right, and she asks if he wants her to talk to Natalie. He says, no; he will. It will be better if he does. She says, if he needs her to come by, she will, and she thanks him. She says it’s hard being there. She wants to go in the back. He says he’ll go with her, and she wonders if that’s wise. He says Natalie needs to think about this. Trust him. He’s doing the right thing. He follows her into the back of the house, and I’m intrigued.

Natalie goes out on the porch and sees Eddie, who says, mm-mm-mm. Now she’s trying not to hear what he’s saying. She tells him, go to hell, and he says, they’ve been in there a long time. If he was her, he’d go check on what’s going on. Don’t knock. He can see the wheels spinning. Talking about himself in the third person, he says, Eddie has never lied to her. She strides over to Kelly’s house, and he says, don’t knock. Just put her ear to the door. She starts to knock, but then goes inside. He says, that’s it, and rubs his hands together, saying, he’s so good.

Natalie goes into the house, and walks to the back. She listens at a bedroom door for a moment, and busts in, yelling, you MF’ers!   

Next time, Mica goes missing, Larry ask if there’s anything Eddie cares about, Brad asks if Ian thinks he’s the baby’s father, and Steven threatens to beat Eddie’s ass.

🥱 The Sun Also Rises…

It’s been a roller coaster with my sweet pup, but he’s still hanging in there, and so am I. Stay safe, stay resourceful, and stay on top of your stimulus check.

May 12, 2020 – Nelle Discovers a Secret, Jax Has a Sprained Brain, Alex Goes Home & Late Or Early


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Brook tells Julian, as long as he does the occasional favor, she won’t have to tell Sonny. He helped Brad pass off a stolen baby as Willow’s. When Brad got squirmy, he tried to shut Brad up by sabotaging his car, and Lucas woke up in a coma. He shouldn’t complain, but be grateful it’s not someone worse than her. Nelle listens from the hallway.

Michael and Willow go to the MetroCourt, and Carly says she thought they’d be with Diane, prepping for tomorrow. Michael says, they did, and dropped by for a toast. Sonny asks what they’re toasting to, and he says Willow agreed to marry him. Carly says, that’s wonderful news, and welcomes Willow to the family. Michael says they agreed it was the best thing for Wiley, and Carly thinks it’s the best thing for all three of them. Sonny asks when it’s happening, and Michael says, tonight he hopes. He’s filing a flight plan. Sonny says he needs to talk with his son.

Lucy tells Sasha to leave the bag of ice on her nose. They need her beautiful face to be camera ready for the photo shoot tomorrow. The photographer was expensive, and he’s already booked and paid for. Sasha says her cheeks are numb, and Lucy says, they’ll thaw. She hates that she agreed to a non-airbrush campaign, and is going to sue Brook if they have to reschedule. Sasha says she’ll be fine. Lucy says she seems grumpy, and Sasha says she’s getting frostbite. Lucy tells her, take a deep breath. She’s been there, and understands what it’s like to be labeled the town tramp.

On the phone, Ned tells Tracy, he’s trying to salvage the Med Tech deal… He fully intends to continue on as CEO, but he can’t force Michael out of the company. Monica comes in, and asks if he minds telling her what’s going on.

Portia asks if Trina is feeling better. Trina says, a little bit, but because Portia is a great mom, not because she despises Jordan any less. Portia says, Jordan isn’t the bad guy, and Trina says, she knows Jordan isn’t. He is. Cyrus is walking toward them, and Trina jumps up and strides over to him. She says she knows who he is; Cyrus Renault. He says, Trina. He’s sorry to hear her father is dead. Trina says he doesn’t sound like someone who’s sorry. He sounds like someone who needs to be stopped. Curtis and Jordan arrive, and Curtis tells Cyrus, back off. Stay the hell away from Trina. Cyrus says he doesn’t believe they’ve been introduced, and Curtis says Cyrus knows good and well who he is; he’s Jordan’s husband. Cyrus introduces himself, and Curtis says he knows everything about Cyrus. Play his game somewhere else, and stay the hell away from Trina and Portia. Cyrus says, for the record, the young lady came over to him. He saw no harm in offering his condolences. Curtis asks if he wants to talk about harm, and Jordan says since Cyrus is there, there are some things they need to discuss. They step away, and Curtis asks if Trina is okay. She asks why he’s butting in now when he left her father to die in the warehouse.

Monica wonders why she has a missed call from the PCPD, and Ned says, it must have been Brook. Monica asks if Brook has been arrested again, and Ned says, yeah; disturbing the peace. She reached out to him, but he refused to rescue her. She tells him, be careful. Tough love can have unintentional consequences. Look at his mother and Edward. He says, it’s not that bad, and she says, not yet. What if he makes Brook fend for herself, and it makes the situation worse?

Sasha asks Lucy if she’s being labeled as the town tramp. Lucy says, no… well… Who cares what people think? People cheat on their partners all the time. She tells Sasha to put the ice back on, and Sasha tells her, stop. Lucy says, it looks better. One more minute. Please? For her? She tells Sasha that she’s there for her. She completely understands when a good person find themselves cheating on their partner. It takes time. She hurt Doc terribly a while back, and didn’t think he’d ever forgive her, but now they’re friends, and he’s happy with Laura, while she’s a successful entrepreneur. All’s well that ends well.

At The Floating Rib, Martin mumbles that Nelle is trying his patience. Where is the little nutcase?

Brook thanks Julian for the drink, and asks if he’ll take her home. He says he’s had enough for one night; take a Ride Share. His phone rings, and he says, hi, Olivia. He asks what Leo is doing with his mom’s phone. He tells Leo, calm down… Ned did what?… Where’s his mom? He says he’ll be right there; hang tight. He tells Brook, it looks like she’s getting a ride after all. He couldn’t understand Leo; he was so upset. Ned did or said something. Brook says, Ned would never hurt Leo, and Julian says, he’d better not have. They leave, and Nelle comes out. She calls Martin, and asks where he is. He says he’s at The Floating Rib, where they agreed to meet a half hour ago. She says she got held up, and he says he’s charging for his time and his dinner. She says, no problem. She’s on her way now. He says he hopes whatever kept her was worth it, and she tells him, she can’t say at the moment, but she has the feeling it could prove useful.

Carly says Willow is going to be part of the family. She can’t tell Willow how grateful she is that she agreed. Willow is a strong woman, and she admires that. She knows Willow isn’t Wiley’s birth mother, but she’s shown herself to be every bit his mother by her actions. She loves Wiley, and puts him first. She couldn’t pick a better person, but is this what Willow wants? She knows Willow was with Chase, and loves him. Willow flashes back to Chase saying he loves her, and loves being with her. He thinks it’s turning into something special, and instead of looking for all the ways it could go wrong, the should look for all the ways it can go right. He’d love it if she’d move in with him. Carly asks if she’ll be able let that go.

Sonny tells Michael, Willow is a courageous young woman. He’ll always be grateful for what she did for Kristina, but is Michael sure he wants to marry her? Michael says, completely. He knows how manipulative Nelle can be, and he’s taking no chances on losing Wiley. He wants to make the strongest case possible, and Willow will be the perfect stepmother. He knows Wiley loves her. Sonny says the marriage is going to last beyond the court date. Is Michael willing to live in a loveless marriage? Michael says love hasn’t worked out for him before. He and Willow respect each other, and have been friends for a while. He likes and trusts her, and they both love Wiley. Sonny asks if Michael thinks it’s enough, and Michael says he’s doing what he has to for his son.

Cyrus says Jordan’s husband is very protective. She says, that’s Curtis, but she doesn’t need anyone to protect her. He says she’ll get no argument from him. He remembers how capable and good she is at her job. He’s always admired her efficiency. He can’t thank her enough for seeing that justice was served and exonerated, even if it was detained. She says he doesn’t have to put on an act; there’s no one else there. He says, it’s just them, and he looks forward to her acting on his behalf, especially now that he’s a resident of the community she’s sworn to serve.

Portia tells Trina, maybe it’s easier to blame Curtis, but he didn’t kidnap her, or lure her father to the warehouse. Trina says Curtis left her father in the warehouse with four guys who had guns. Portia says her father instructed Curtis to get her to a safe place, and she’s grateful he did. Trina says, she’s not.

Sonny says he wants love and passion for Michael. Not somebody who’s just trustworthy, but someone who’s compatible. Michael says, Willow is making a sacrifice too, but they agreed that Wiley was the most important thing. Beyond Nelle, they can give Wiley stability, and a happy home, with parents who respect each other. He’s taking it as a win. Sonny says, okay, and they go back to the bar. Sonny says, so they’re doing this tonight? and Michael says he has the ELQ jet ready to go to Vegas. Sonny says, not Vegas. He wants Michael to get married in Port Charles surrounded by the people he loves. Michael says he doesn’t have time to get a license, but Sonny says, no problem. He’ll make some calls, and get one. Michael shrugs, and looks at Willow.

Monica tells Ned not to let her run him out if he has more work to do. He says he was going over the next quarter’s projections, and he’s ready to pack it in. She says she can’t thank him enough for stepping in while Michael looks after Wiley. He says, family looks after family; it’s the Quartermaine way. Brook comes in with Julian, and Ned asks what she’s doing home. And why is she with Julian? Julian asks where Leo is, and Ned says, he’s asleep. Julian says, he just called; where’s Olivia? Monica says, Olivia is sleeping. She had a migraine, so Monica gave her something to knock her out. Julian says, Leo was very upset. What did Ned do? Ned says, nothing, but Julian says he was sobbing, and mentioned Ned. Ned says Leo is playing Julian. He told Leo that he couldn’t have a pet snake. He’s been obsessed ever since Violet’s birthday party. Olivia said it was out of the question. Julian asks if Ned minds if he goes upstairs to have a chat with Leo, and Ned says, of course (🍷) not. Julian and Monica go upstairs, and Brook says she told Julian that Ned would never hurt Leo. Ned says, never mind that. What the hell is she doing with Julian?

Nelle joins Martin, who says, excellent. Just in time for the bill. What does she want to talk to him about? She says, strategy. She sees Sasha, and goes over to her. She asks if it was Willow. It looks like it hurts. Sasha says, get out of her face, and Nelle asks if Sasha is going to throw a drink on her like the friend she betrayed. Poor Willow can’t catch a break.

Jordan tells Cyrus, he’s right about one thing. She serves all the people in Port Charles. He tells her, have a lovely evening. He’s sure their paths will cross again soon. He walks away.

Trina tells Portia, Curtis could have gone back in to help her dad. She begged him to, and he refused. Now his wife is trashing her dad’s reputation with a lie. Portia says, as much as they wish it wasn’t true, her father and the other men crossed a line. Curtis joins them, and says Jordan didn’t want to expose Taggert, since she knew what motivated him. Jordan comes up behind him, and Curtis says, Cyrus is a dangerous man; steer clear of him. Trina says he’s just covering for Jordan. She’s the reason Cyrus is free in the first place. They’re just as bad as Cyrus is.

Lucy tells Sasha, she’s got to go. She doesn’t want to, but she’s got to. She’s needed at the Quartermaines. Sasha ask if everything is okay. Did something happen to Michael? Lucy tells her, brace herself. Michael is going to marry Willow, and Sonny asked her to officiate. Nelle says, Michael can’t marry her, but Lucy says, yeah; he can. Michael is a Corinthos and a Quartermaine. He’s Sonny’s son, and Edward’s great-grandson. He’s part of two great pillars of Port Charles. He’s also related to the Spencers, and can do whatever he wants to do with his power and money. Sasha flashes back to telling Chase that she thinks Michael will do his best to keep Wiley safe. And she thinks before Wiley’s third birthday, maybe sooner, Willow will be madly in love with Michael, and be the happiest woman on the face of the earth. Lucy says, it speaks highly to Michael’s character. She’s never seen him throw his weight around. It must be important this time to get what he wants. She tells Sasha, please go home and rest. She doesn’t need this aggravation. She’ll call Sasha later. Ta! Nelle stomps back to Martin’s table.

Brook says, I’m happy you’re out of jail and okay. How are you feeling? Those are the words a loving father would say. He wouldn’t hang up on her, and leave her to rot. She called Julian because he was the only one available. He asks if this is going to be a regular occurrence, being tossed in jail for disturbing the peace. She says she was defending Michael’s honor. She got into it with Sasha at the boxing gym, her glove accidently collided with Sasha’s face. She flashes back to that, and Ned asks if Sasha is going to press charges, and is it going to show up online. She says, no and no. Sasha got a bloody nose, and it would have been over, except Chase got on his high horse and wrote her a ticket for she doesn’t know what. The doorbell rings, and she says, that’s probably him to write her up again. It’s Josslyn, and she asks if Michael hasn’t called them. Ned asks if there’s a reason he should, and she says, Michael and Willow are getting married. Brook says, tonight?

Nelle tells Martin, it’s obvious what Michael is trying to do, and Martin says, if Michael chooses to marry a delightful young woman he’s known for over a year, and is devoted to Wiley, and who Wiley loves, he can’t imagine the court objecting. Nelle says they need a counter move. He needs to earn his money.

Monica comes downstairs, and asks if Michael texted Josslyn. Ned says, about the wedding? and Monica says, Michael and Willow are getting married; she couldn’t be happier. Ned says he sees the legal strategy, and Brook says he’s no expert, having been blackmailed into marriage by Kathryn Bell. Ned says, Michael is going to marry a woman he never even dated? and Josslyn says she thinks it’s great. Wiley loves Willow, and she might be good enough for Michael. Sonny, Carly, Michael, and Willow come in, and Michael says, good; they’re all there. Are they ready for a wedding?

Curtis says, Trina is right; Cyrus should be in prison, but Jordan was serving the greater good. Jordan says she’s sorry Trina is hurt, and Trina says, then tell everyone her dad is innocent. Portia tells Trina, they have a more pressing matter to discuss. Trina wanted to do battle with a dangerous criminal. Promise she’ll stay away from Cyrus. Trina says, if Portia promises to make Curtis and his wife stay away from her.

Brook congratulates Willow, and welcomes her to the family. God help her. Willow says, thanks? Brook asks if that’s what she’s wearing. She’d look gorgeous in a potato sack, but let her look in her closet for something better suited to the occasion. Josslyn asks if Monica minds if she looks around, and Monica tells her, help herself to anything she thinks she can use. Sonny says he appreciates Monica doing this, and thanks her for opening up her home, and letting Michael get married there. She says Michael is her grandson, and should be married there. She asks who’s officiating, and he says, Lucy. He couldn’t find anybody. She says, he couldn’t do better than Alan’s ex-bimbo? He says, she was the only one available on such short notice. He sees Julian, and asks what Julian is doing there. Julian says, his son lives there. Sonny? Sonny says, same. Julian says he was just leaving, and Sonny says, good. Julian tells him to give Michael and Willow his best wishes. Willow cares what happens to Wiley, and deserves be with him, not Nelle.

Martin says, Nelle has the best possible case she can. She has financial means, a house, and a job. She says Michael is a CEO and lives in a mansion. Now he’s marrying Snow White. He says he can’t prevent that any more than he can conjure up a husband for her. She says, he’s a genius, and he says they’re not getting married. She tells him, calm down; they don’t have to, and she leaves.

Michael finds Willow sitting by herself, and asks how she’s holding up. She says, just fine. She’s not the fragile flower he thinks she is. He says he knows she’s anything but fragile. He’s seen how strong she is, and how hard she can fight. He’s grateful that she’s marrying him. She tells him, stop thanking her. She loves Wiley, and when she found out he wasn’t her son, she can’t describe the loss she felt. Now Wiley will be her son again. If anyone is grateful, it’s her. He says, mutual gratitude isn’t a bad foundation for a marriage, and Willow says, it will work. He says, sorry it’s so last minute, but she says she’s not. She has no time to be nervous. He says he’s not nervous. He knows it’s right, and he’s grateful she agreed. He was hoping she would accept this ring. He takes a ring out of his pocket that looks a lot like Princess Diana’s engagement ring. She says, oh my God, and he tells her it belonged to his great-grandmother Lila. He doesn’t remember her, but he’s heard stories. She was generous and kind, and saw the good in people, but she was nobody’s fool. She never got distracted be things that didn’t matter; the infighting and bickering. She was better than his great-grandfather deserved, and she was an amazing mother. He thinks Willow would be the perfect one to wear her ring. She says, it’s beautiful, but it was his great-grandmother’s ring. Maybe someone in the family should have it. He says, she is family. Does she trust him on this? She says, yes, she trusts him, and he puts the ring on her. He says, perfect fit.

Sasha and Chase meet at the pier. He asks why she couldn’t tell him over the phone, and she says she doesn’t know why it’s hitting her so hard when it’s what they wanted. Michael and Willow are getting married tonight.

Lucy gives Sonny an envelope with the license in it, and says he certainly does have friends in influential places. The judge sends his best, and wishes Michael much success. She tells him, there’s a one-day waiting period, and he says he loves midnight weddings. Technically, it will be tomorrow when it’s over. Carly brings Wiley in, and says, look who woke up. She tried to get him to go back down, but no go. Sonny says, he can join the ceremony.

Chase asks if Sasha is sure it’s tonight, and she says Michael and Willow want to get married before the hearing. He asks how she found out, and she says she was at The Floating Rib with Lucy when she got the call. He says, it must have been tough, and she says, the hardest part was seeing Nelle, and knowing it didn’t have to happen. He asks if Nelle knows about the wedding, and Sasha says Nelle went zooming back to her lawyer. She wouldn’t put it past Nelle to bother them. Should they warn them? Chase asks, who would take a call from either of them?

Carly’s phone rings, and she tells Sasha, it’s not a good time. Sasha says, Nelle overheard Lucy at The Floating Rib. She knows Michael and Willow are getting married. Carly asks if Sasha has any idea what Nelle is going to do, and Sasha says, Nelle was talking to her lawyer, then left. She wanted to give them a heads up. Carly thanks her, and says she’ll take it from there. Nothing is getting in the way of this wedding tonight.

Jordan asks if Curtis found TJ, and he says, TJ is observing a surgery. He left a message. He wonders if Cyrus is gone, but she says, security said he hasn’t left the building yet. They see Cyrus walking around, and Curtis says, visiting hours are over. Cyrus says, that’s why he’s leaving. He asks Jordan if her son doesn’t work there. In fact, he believes TJ is working tonight. Curtis says, it’s none of his business, and Cyrus says his interests are far reaching. He wouldn’t underestimate that. He walks away.

Nelle goes to Charlie’s, but Julian yells, they’re closed. She bangs on the door like a madwoman, and Julian opens it. He asks, what’s wrong with her? They’re closed. She says, trust her. He’ll want hear what she has to say.

The wedding march begins. Willow comes down the stairs in a white lace halter gown, carrying a bouquet of roses. She and Michael join hands. Lucy says they’re gathered here to witness Michael and Willow join in the bonds of matrimony.

Chase gives Sasha a beer, and asks if she’d care to join him. She says, why not? As they drink, she asks if he knows where the phrase a far, far better thing comes from. He says he doesn’t, and she says, it’s from A Tale of Two Cities. It’s Dickens, and has a convoluted plot. Sidney is in love with a girl who’s in love with an aristocrat who looks like him. Sidney sends them off to live happily ever after, and takes the guy’s place at the guillotine. As he’s climbing the scaffold to his death, he says, it’s a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done before; and it’s a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known. He says, at least they’re not getting their heads chopped off; so there’s that. She says, compared to Sidney, they’re getting off easy. They toast to Sidney.

Michael says his vows, and Willow follows. Everyone is all misty like this is a real love match. Michael puts the ring on Willow’s finger, and Lucy says, by the power vested in her by the state of New York, she now pronounces them husband and wife. She tells Michael he can kiss his bride. He and Willow kiss, and everyone applauds. Michael smiles at Willow, who looks a little dazed.

Tomorrow, Robert asks Laura why they don’t pick up where they left off, Avery asks if she’ll ever forget Ava, and Sonny needs to know what Mike wants.

Vanderpump Rules

The Toms go to SUR to clean the gender-neutral bathroom with toothbrushes. Lisa asks, what the hell? Is it blocked? Tom explains that it’s part of the softball deal. The loser had to clean the other’s bathroom. She asks why they’re wearing matching shirts, and Tom says, it’s the TomTom experience. She says they should have done something productive, like shave her legs. Schwartz asks if that’s still o on the table. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he’s having a moment. He can just picture it at Villa Rosa. Her dainty leg hanging over the tub; long, smooth, gentle strokes, making sure not to nick her leg. It smells like rose petals and $300 candles. Tom sticks a toothbrush in his mouth, and Lisa asks, what’s wrong with them?

In his interview, James says he’s back behind the booth. It’s like a new life, and it’s been a long time coming. He’s back, baby. Raquel says she’s so excited, and now she can tell her friends who have been asking about when he’s DJing. Schwartz and Tom come out of the bathroom, and Schwartz says they head by example. They’re not afraid to get their hands dirty. He supposes he should wash them. Brittany says, hi, pooper scoopers, and Tom tells her, last night, Jax told them they’re not invited, so they decided to have their own party then. Brittany says, that’s kind of messed up, and they don’t ever have people over. Tom says, they did last night. In Tom’s interview, he says he’s not dealing with the way Jax behaves. He’s over it. Brittany  tells them, do what they want to do. Tom wishes Jax would stop… Schwartz says, being an a-hole.

Brett and Dayna go to Hyde, another restaurant Charli works at. Dayna is excited for Brett to see her in a comedy setting. Charli asks if flannel is Brett’s thing, and he says, no, but we flash back to seeing him only in flannel shirts. Dayna says, he’s like a sexy Paul Bunion, but Charli says, is he? In Dayna’s interview, she says she likes Brett, and wants to see where it goes. They work at the same restaurant, they’re both single AF, they’re both hot, and have the same interests. Brett tells her that he talked to Max, and asked how he felt. He can tell something is there, and that’s the kind of friend he is. In Brett’s interview, he says, he asked Max about lunch, and he was cool. He asked about kissing Dayna, and Max was cool, but when he asked about having sex, he hit a wall. They’re murky waters, but he’s got a big boat. Onward, going at 55 knots. In the parking lot, Dayna says, it was a great night, and they kiss.

Brittany comes home, and tells Jax that he’s not going believe it. She saw Tom at work, and he and Ariana are having a pool party at the same time they are. Jax asks, why? and she says she doesn’t know. Maybe they got mad about him texting Max. Jax says everyone begged him to have Tom back in the wedding, and he shouldn’t have. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s been one thing after another. Tom didn’t come to the bachelor party, and made a scene about his pastor. Now he’s throwing a pool party the same day. What’s his problem? He asks Brittany, why are they doing this? It’s time they were done with Tom and Ariana. Brittany says it makes her sad. They have a blow-up slide coming. It’s petty. Jax says, Tom has been petty his whole life. He imitates Tom saying, oh, look what Jax wrote. He tells Brittany, he’s worse than a child. Brittany says she was there, and maybe if Jax wouldn’t have rage texted… Jax says, so she’s saying it’s all his fault? She says she’s just saying if he hadn’t messaged in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. Jax says he’s going to the gym. Brittany says, it’s the third time today, and asks if that’s where he’s really going. He says she can track him on his phone.

On Instagram, Jax says he’s taking so many classes, his wife thinks he’s leading a double life. In his interview, he says, it’s his therapy. It’s like textbook 101; when you’re angry, walk away. Shouldn’t that be anger 101? Lisa goes to TomTom, and tells the Toms they’re doing a big photo shoot for the Hollywood Reporter. They’re going to highlight all of the businesses together. Tom asks, what about having a year anniversary party after the shoot? Ken says they actually made a profit in the first year. Do they want to nearly double their money? Lisa says they’re looking at next door, and they can knock through and make it part of TomTom, or keep it separate. If it’s part of TomTom, it will be called The Garden at TomTom, but if it’s separate, it will just be The Garden. Ken says, they can invest the profit, and have 10%. Lisa says she’d like see them throw in; it’s been a great year. Schwartz says, it’s been rewarding, fulfilling, and he’s learned so much. Lisa says she’s going to cry. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, at times, the partnership was rocky. We flash back to some of that, and he says, but they made it through the first year, and turned a profit. Holy sh*t. Lisa says they need to know by Monday. Tom says he has to talk it over with Ariana, and Lisa says, that’s what he should do. Lisa and Ken leave, and Tom says, it’s decision time. Schwartz says he feels like a stud.

In his InstaStory, Jax says the women instructors are hard. They make the male instructors look like little girls. Lala visits Brittany, and says she was just texting Brittany’s hubby. Brittany says, he’s being cray-cray. Jax calls Lala, and she says she’s going to Dayna’s comedy show. He tells her not to go to Tom’s pool party. She tells him, calm down, and go workout. He says he works out so much, his wife thinks he’s messing around. What wife yells at their husband for going to the gym? Brittany says, that’s not what she did. He’s spiraling out of control, and is doing the same things he did before, and he’s going crazy on her friends. Calm down, and stop texting. She loves him. She tells Lala, he hung up. She can’t keep dealing with this crap. She’s wondering why he’s acting like this again. Lala asks if he was reactive before, and Brittany says, yes. She doesn’t want him to go back to those ways. In Brittany’s interview, she says she worked hard to forgive Jax, but even though she’s forgiven him, she hasn’t forgotten. She tells Lala that Jax is stirred up again. She’s wondering if anyone is coming, and they need a DJ. Lala asks if she should ask James, and calls him. She says Brittany and Jax are having a pool party, and she thought she’d reach out to see if he can DJ. Brittany says they thought it would be fun. James stammers a little, and says he appreciates being invited, but he already said yes to Tom. Lala says she totally gets it. When she hangs up, Brittany asks why would Tom plan something at the same time? He’s being a jerk. One person does wrong, so the other person does too. Lala says, it’s sad, and Brittany says, it’s hard to deal with when Jax is texting all of her friends.

Once again Instagramming, Jax films the outside of the gym, and says, it’s his new house, where his wife is going to divorce him because spent too much time there. Lala arrives at the comedy club, and Beau and Stassi tell her that they’ve been practicing their comedy laughs. Max shows up, followed by Brett, and Stassi says, it’s sweet. They both came to support their girlfriend. Max gives Brett a reluctant fist bump. Max asks if Brett talked to Scheana, and Brett says she just texted, asking where they’re going afterward. Stassi says, somewhere nearby, and he asks if Nighthawk is around there. A guy comes out, and does a bit using Max and Beau’s names, then introduces Dayna, who, from what little we see, isn’t bad. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Dayna has a cynical view of world that’s actually funny. Her negativity makes Stassi laugh. Dayna joins them when she’s done, and they tell her she did good. On Instagram, Jax says he has an update. His ring is back on, and his marriage is still okay. A million people keep asking, where’s his ring?

Lisa goes to the bar at SUR, and asks Ariana how she is, and if all is well. Ariana says she’s seeing a lot of the work she did over the summer come to fruition, and their book is coming out. (FYI, I got it for Christmas.) Lisa is glad to hear Ariana is doing well, and reminds her about Covenant House. Ariana says she has some clothes and cosmetic stuff. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Covenant House is a place for at risk youth that helps them transition into adulthood. She says she’ll meet Ariana there, and Ariana says, the only problem going on is the pool party thing. Lisa asks what she means, and Ariana tells her that Jax and Brittany are having a pool party. Everyone was going, and Jax started uninviting everyone. Some of them said Tom and Ariana have a pool; why not have their own pool party? Lisa says, not on the same day and time, but Ariana says, if you bully your friends for years, that’s what happens. Everybody says, screw them. What’s anyone losing by not being friends with Jax? She makes Ariana promise that when they see each other at work, it will be productive and go with a positive attitude.

Lala tells Dayna, she can finally relax; she killed her show. The group goes to Nighthawk, and Dayna thanks them for coming. Stassi says, it was a relief that Dayna was so great. She should be proud of herself. Scheana joins them, and says she could literally walk there, but she didn’t because she’s going out after this. She brings up the competing pool parties, and Lala says, that’s effed up. Scheana says she’s shooting, so she can’t go to either of them. She asks if they’re picking one or pool party hopping. Lala says she’s not going to a frat house that has no furniture, and they don’t even know if there will be food. She’ll be at Jax and Brittany’s like an adult. Scheana says, Jax texted her that she was dumb, and shouldn’t have planned to video on that day. Stassi says, for real she has to talk to him. In Stassi’s interview, she says, someone needs to say something, and she feels she’s one of the only people who can. To be frank, she thinks Jax is kind of scared of her. Lala says she heard Brett and Dayna made out. In Dayna’s interview, she says, note to self; don’t tell Lala sh*t. Lala asks, what’s the vibe? and Dayna says, there’s no vibe. Max makes fun of Dayna, and she asks if he has a problem. What did she do to him? He says she made out with his best friend. He told her how he felt. She says, he was ambiguous. We flash back to Max telling Dayna, he’s cool, but not cool. He says, she needs to control her sh*t, and Stassi says Dayna doesn’t owe Max anything. Max says he also told Brett, and Brett says he’s been honest with Max. Dayna says, they like each other and have similar interests. Brett says he respects his and Max’s friendship, and Dayna knows that. Scheana asks why they were making out, and Dayna tells her, STFU. Max thinks Brett is lying to him, and tells Brett to look him in the eye, and tell him that he doesn’t have feelings for Dayna. Brett insists he doesn’t. He’s interested in her, and they’re close, she’s someone he likes having in his life, but he doesn’t have feelings for her. I’m not sure what he calls it then. Lala says, that doesn’t even make sense (thank you). Scheana asks why they made out multiple times, and Beau says Dayna is the one feeling the most embarrassed and hurt. Stassi says, everyone has to pick a lane. Lala says, ya’ll are real messy right now, and Max tells Dayna, don’t make out with his friends. Dayna tells Max, STFU.

Back on the Gram, Jax says the male instructors must have heard him calling them girls, and took it out on him. He just had two classes that were hard as hell. At Covenant House, Lisa, Brittany, and Ariana sort the clothes. Lisa remembers when she fit in them. She asks how Brittany is, and Brittany says, it’s been a rough couple of days. Jax was rage texting, and the others got mad. They started fighting, and it trickled over. Lisa says, these are the best moments of Jax’s life; he has a new house, and just got married. Brittany says, it’s sad. Tom hurt her feelings. Everyone had to choose where to go. She feels like she tried hard. Ariana says, maybe Jax hurt their feelings. Brittany is collateral damage. Brittany says she knows, but they need to have respect for her like she does for them. In Ariana’s interview, she says she wishes Brittany could just be mad at Jax, since he created the problem. She’s married to this guy, so she married the problem. Ariana says, if not for Brittany, she doesn’t know how many friends Jax would have. Brittany thinks everyone, except for Tom, and in her interview, Ariana says, she’s not friends with Jax now.

Katie and Schwartz go to lunch, and he tells her about the one year anniversary party. It’s special night; more than she knows. They have the opportunity to parlay the initial profits into an expansion, or they can take the check, and Lisa will create a separate entity. Katie says, parlay. In Katie’s interview, she says she feels like they’ve come a long way. She feels like they’re a team. She doesn’t want to tell him what to do, but thinks he knows. He says he loves her. Katie looks at her phone, and wonders, what the hell happened? Brittany texted and said Ariana let her know that the pool party was Katie’s idea in the first place. Schwartz says, propaganda, and Katie says, she got the same story from Lala. It’s not cool. Katie calls Brittany, getting all teary. Brittany says she’s not blaming Katie. She just said it happened because of Katie. Katie says, no one is saying that. Brittany says Katie rage texts all the time, and should go easy on Jax. Schwartz says Katie took accountability, and she’s being an idiot. Katie hangs up, and says, go easy on Jax? It’s 150% his fault.

Everything is set up at Jax and Brittany’s, including the giant slide. Jax comes in, and Brittany says he looks muscular. He says, that’s what happens when you go to the gym three times a day. He’s going through crap in his head, and says things he doesn’t mean, so instead he likes to go to the gym. Brittany says Tom still hasn’t apologized, and Katie isn’t coming. Jax says, and it’s his fault. Everything he’s done, they’ve done, but the spotlight is on him. He told Brittany, do not trust these people.

Tom and Ariana get ready. Tom makes James an unleaded cocktail. Katie tells them about the text she got from Brittany, saying the pool party was all her idea, and go easy on Jax about the rage texts, since she does it too. Tom says she texts at 3 am, and isn’t manipulative. Schwartz says he’s staying out of it. People start to arrive. There’s a tent in the backyard, along with a hookah, and James in the DJ booth. Tom thanks everyone for coming, and Ariana says, let’s get wasted.

Brit cooks, while crickets chirp. A lone rubber ducky floats in the pool. Jax says they only have eight people coming, but they’re the ones he wants there. Brett, Lala, Stassi, and Beau arrive. In Charli’s interview, she says, Tom and Ariana’s pool party is lit. Who wants to be at Jax’s retirement party anyway? He’s closer to her dad’s age than hers. Katie says, Dayna has two guys, and Dayna says, and half the commitment. She still doesn’t have a whole man. Brett says Max texted him, and said he felt super bummed out and betrayed. He doesn’t want to act like it’s okay anymore. He’s staying home. Brett says he’s always been bro’s before ho’s. In Stassi’s interview, she says she doesn’t know if Brett is a poet, a philosopher, or a d-bag. Brett says all they did was make out, and it’s like World War II. Jax informs Brett hat he used to put his d*ck in anything that moved.

Dayna tells Ariana that she’s hot. Someone should screw and love her, and she’s not doing either. Katie says, that’s healthy, natural, and normal. Ariana says, there are a ton of other dudes and ladies out there. Carter thanks Ariana for having them, and Ariana asks if they’re back together. Kristen says, they’re dating. Kristen says she got a text that Stassi is making fun of their party, and Ariana says, Regina George. Stassi is a snob ass bitch. Kristen says they were making fun at Tom and Ariana not having furniture. Ariana says if she hears anyone talking sh*t about her house, she’ll clock them.

Tom asks Schwartz what he thinks about Lisa’s proposal. Schwartz says, it’s tempting to just take the check. In Tom’s interview, he says, the bigger the venture, the more potential for failure. Schwartz says he poured his heart and soul into this place, and Tom says Schwartz is his effing boy. Schwartz wants it to be this way until the day they die. James comes in, and Tom thanks him. James says it keeps him busy, and that’s a good thing to be. Tom says James has come a long way. Monday. TomTom is having its one year anniversary party. Could he possibly DJ? James says, he’d 100% love to. Tom says James being humble pie is sexy. Schwartz likes it when James is cocky too. A little part of him misses the a-hole. Katie says, WTF? James has shown a vulnerability she hasn’t seen, and didn’t think he would ever show. He’s shown growth. She wanted to rip his head off, and put it in the paper shredder. James says he’s sorry, and they hug it out. James says he hasn’t felt this good in a minute.

Stassi tells Jax, they need to talk. She feels like with what he’s doing texting people, from the outside, it looks like he’s losing his mind. He says, he is. She asks, why? and he says he doesn’t know. In his interview, he says he’s sprained his brain. When you sprain your ankle, you don’t walk on it. That’s the way the brain works. He tells Stassi, on paper, it looks like he hit the lottery, but he’s not happy. He’s not allowing himself to have a good time. Stassi says, it’s not like he’s an a-hole once a year; he’s an a-hole all the time. He says he has downtime now, and wonders if he did the right thing. What if his wife thinks he can’t make her happy? Stassi says, she is happy, and he says, it’s a lot of pressure. Stassi says, he wants to sabotage his relationship; it’s a pattern he has. Jax says, how he hurt people used to be cheating. He’d take it out on someone else. She says he has to allow the struggle, feelings, emotions, and mental health, but he has control over how he treats people. He says he’s afraid he’s going to take it out on Brittany.

Next week, the season finale, TomTom’s anniversary party, SUR’s group photo, Lisa tells Jax to take care of his wife, Max says Dayna is on a high horse, Stassi says the Witches of WeHo is done-o, and Tom tells Jax not to act like he has an effing hall pass.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Kelly gives Lushion a huge kiss, and Carl thinks that’s his cue to say goodbye. Lushion says, it’s not a cue. Carl tells Kelly that he never wants to see her under these circumstances again, and she guarantees he won’t. He says he’ll say goodbye then; awkward. Lushion says, nothing is awkward, and Kelly asks if she can go now. Carl says, yes; they’re processing her. She tells him that she’d love to have him for dinner, and he says, great. She says she’ll call him, and thanks them both again. Carl leaves, and Lushion says, what was that? Kelly says she was just happy, and he says, good. She says, he didn’t think… and he says, it was kind of personal. She says she wasn’t coming on to him; she was just happy. She’s sorry he took it the wrong way. He says they can never bring this up again, and she says she wasn’t trying to make a pass at him; she was just happy.

Lushion says, they’re clear? and Kelly says, crystal. Eddie is standing there, filming with his phone, and says he’s got it on camera, crystal clear; full HD. Lushion says, give him the damn phone, or he’ll take it. Eddie says, it looks like Lushion took lip service, and Lushion makes a grab for the phone, but Eddie keeps it out of his grasp. Eddie says, it’s going to Lushion’s wife, and Kelly suggests they tell her themselves. Eddie says, why not wait until he adds music? Kelly walks past her cell, and Eddie asks where she’s going. She says, home. Even with everything Eddie tried, she’s still going home. He asks how hell that happened, and she says wouldn’t he like to know? What the devil meant for evil, God turned into good. He says there she goes with the God stuff again. Has she ever heard of, thou shalt not kill? Enjoy her freedom. It’s the last couple days. Lushion and Kelly walk off, and Eddie calls someone, and says he has a video to edit.

Larry approaches Eddie, who asks if he sees something he likes. Larry says he just needs the $50K Eddie took from him. It’s all fun and games, but this isn’t a game. Does Eddie want to play with him? Eddie asks what Larry is referring to. He didn’t take $50K. Larry says Eddie lied to him; he’d said everything was taken care of. Eddie says he has no idea what Larry is talking about, and Larry says he expects Eddie to reimburse him within 24 hours. Eddie says, keep dreaming; that ain’t gonna happen. Larry says he’s warning Eddie, and Eddie says he’s telling Larry, dream on. Larry says Eddie took money from some very powerful people, who will have no problem giving Eddie more pain and suffering than Larry ever could. It’s his funeral. Eddie says he wants a 21 gun salute, and Larry says, duly noted. Larry calls someone to come to the office; $50K is at issue. Eddie asks if that’s supposed to make him tremble, and Larry says, it’s not rocket science. Eddie says, see him soon, and hold his breath about the $50K.

Bennet (that’s his name, right?) has come home for lunch, and compliments Tanya’s cooling. She thinks he’s just trying to make her feel better, and wonders why Randal keeps throwing things out. It’s weird, right? Bennet tells her not to worry about Randal, and she says, he’s a dork. He just stays home; what does he do? He asks why she wants to know, and she says she’s just curious. He asks if Randal is still bothering her, and she says, no. She asks if Bennet did something, and he says he has to get back to the station. He’ll be home by 5. She thanks him for having lunch with her. She says she wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to leave her. She’s been thinking about calling her parents. They said she could come home. She knows how hard it is on him. He says he doesn’t want to hear about this. He’ll be home for dinner, and if anyone comes to the door, let him know. She says, he’s not going to do anything, is he? She doesn’t want him in trouble. He knows his temper. He says he’s fine. He just wants to know.

Bennet leaves the house, and Randal asks if they can talk a second. He wants to apologize for talking to Bennet’s wife. He thinks they got off on the wrong foot, and he’s really sorry. Bennet says, okay, and Randal asks if Bennet saw anybody come in his house. It was vandalized. Bennet says he didn’t see anyone, and Randal asks if it doesn’t bother him. He told Bennet that his house was just vandalized, and he didn’t say, sorry. Bennet says he really is; it’s terrible. He asks when Randal goes to work, and Randal says, whenever he wants to; why? Bennet says he can keep an eye on Randal’s house. Randal says he’s there all the time, and Bennet says, then how did it happen? Randal says he was seeing a patient. Bennet says, Randal has patients? and Randal says he does. He can help Bennet’s wife. Bennet says they’re good. Are they doing this again? Randal just apologized. Randal asks when Bennet gets back, and Bennet says Randal doesn’t want to test him. Randal says he’s not, and Bennet says he can be a demon from hell, and will protect everything he loves. Randal asks if that’s any way for a firefighter to talk, but Bennet says he’s talking as a former marine. He drives off. Randal stands there for a moment, and goes back inside.

Alex sits at the bar. Johnny joins her, and asks, who was that guy? She says, nobody to be concerned about. Johnny says, it seemed like he knew her, and she says, he’s her neighbor. Johnny says, be sure he doesn’t come around, and Alex says, he won’t if he knows what’s good for him. She needs another drink. He says, coffee for her. She needs to sober up. She says he’s ruining this party, but he tells her that he doesn’t want her to be sick in his bed later. She says he has to understand. She’s been locked in a house playing mommy for she doesn’t know how many years. She’s so tired of it. She wants to get loose, dance, do bad karaoke, and drink. Johnny says, drink coffee. She says, that’s a mom’s drink, and he says, there are a lot of hot moms out there; drink up. He wants her to feel good.

Johnny says it looks like Alex has more company. He’ll leave that to her. Esperanza comes in with Steven, and Alex says, Esperanza wants to ride the bull, but Esperanza says, no. Alex tells Steven, it’s really fun, but he says he’s good. It’s good to see her. She says, it’s good to see him too. Wait a minute. They’re together? Steven asks what she’s drinking, and she says, anything she can get her hands on, but now she needs coffee. Steven says he’ll be at the bar. Johnny tells Steven, if he’s not drinking, he’s got to wait outside. Steven asks if Johnny is sure about that, and opens his jacket, flashing his badge. Johnny says, his apologies. Steven is good to go.

Esperanza sees Alex is drinking coffee; that’s good. Alex asks, what’s up? and Esperanza says Alex is leaving right now. Alex says she’s not going anywhere. She doesn’t want that life anymore. She needs to be free. Esperanza says Alex’s son wasn’t breathing; remember him? She shows Alex a picture on her phone, and Alex looks at it absently. Esperanza wonders if Alex isn’t going to ask how he is, and Alex asks if he’s okay. Esperanza says, he’s fine. He was just sleeping, but Marcie was at Alex’s house, and put him on his stomach. Alex says, dumb bitch, and Esperanza says, Alex is his mom. Alex says, so she’s the dumb bitch now? Esperanza says her son needs her, but Alex says, he needs Brad. Her kids deserve better than her. Esperanza wonders where this is coming from, and asks if Alex is embarrassed about the online thing. Alex says she’s not embarrassed. She doesn’t want that life anymore. How hard is it to comprendé? Esperanza says, so she’s just going to walk away from her kids, and live in a bar with a guy she doesn’t know? She doesn’t know anything about him. Alex knows he’s not Brad, and she’s ready to be a free spirit. Esperanza says she doesn’t care that Brad and Marcie are with her kids? She can explain to the kids why she’s leaving Brad. This is wrong, but at least let them know. She owes them that. Alex says, okay. She has to pack anyway. She tells Johnny that she’ll be right back. She has to pick up some things. He says he’ll be waiting for her.

Bennet goes to the police station, and tells Rick, he’d like to file a report. His neighbor is harassing his wife. He’s constantly harassing her, and going to the house when Bennet isn’t there, and knocking on the door. Rick asks if Bennet had told him to stop, and Bennet says he has, and he won’t. Rick asks his name, and Bennet says, Randal Holmes. Rick says, oh, and Bennet asks if Rick knows him. Rick says, they all know him. It’s something Randal does; it’s not the first complaint. Rick leaves to get the paperwork, and Eddie comes along. Bennet says he remembers Eddie. He’s the officer who helped with his wife. Eddie asks if he’s been keeping his bitch quiet, and Bennet says, his wife’s not a bitch. Eddie says, he’s one of those guys who still respects his woman. What’s he here for? Bennet says he’s filing a report, and Rick comes back with the paperwork. Eddie asks, on who? and Rick says Randal is harassing Bennet’s wife. Eddie says, he’s up to that again? He’ll take care of it. Rick gives Eddie the papers, and leaves. Eddie suggests Bennet skip the paperwork, and he’ll put a bullet in Randal’s head. Bennet says, this isn’t working, and Eddie says he can help out in a major way; all of Bennet’s problems will go away. Bennet says, thanks, but that’s sick. Eddie says, have it his way, and Bennet leaves. Eddie says, dumb ass, and walks away singing Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

Carl goes to Larry’s office. Larry says he asked Carl to come to discuss things. This firm needs him. Carl says, really? and Larry asks if Carl is impressed by the firm. Carl says, it’s nice, He’s familiar with their reputation, and hears they’re incredible. Larry asks how he’d like to work there. He can start at $250K, and they charge $500 an hour. Carl is a rock star. Carl appreciates it, and Larry says he’s impressed with the Kelly Isaacs case; how did Carl do it? Carl says he’s persuasive, and Larry says, clearly. Carl says Larry represents his opponent, and he shouldn’t tell him. Larry asks, why? He wants Carl on his team, and doesn’t want to be against him. It will be their little secret. Carl says he can’t do that, and Larry asks if he’s nervous. Carl says, no, and Larry says he spoke to Carl’s law professors, and they said he was a pretty average student. Carl says, he was great, and Larry says he’ll stop the bullsh*t.  He didn’t bring Carl in to offer him a job, but he’s giving Carl a chance. Carl says, for what? and Larry says, tell him how and where he got the information. Carl says he can’t, and Larry says he can and will ruin Carl’s name. He’ll call the bar and tell them Carl made illegal charges. Carl says he didn’t do anything illegal, but Larry begs to differ. Carl says he’s leaving, and Larry says, if Carl walks out, he has no hope for a future law practice. Carl says, have a good one, and Larry says, unfortunate. Carl leaves, and Larry says, another one bites the dust.

Randal takes out a piece of garbage while Tanya is taking out her garbage. Randal says, hi, and she tells him to talk to her. He asks if she doesn’t think it’s weird they’re both out at the same time. She says, don’t talk to her, and he says, okay; he won’t. He wanders across the street, and I say, ugh, out loud. He looks in the garbage, and sees a can of spray paint. He takes it, and goes back home. He compares the color with what’s sprayed on his wall, and storms back out, leaving the can. He stomps across the street, rolling up his sleeves. I have to laugh at that, since he’s like a cartoon. Tanya says she’s going to call her husband if Randal doesn’t leave her alone. He says, so she paints. Has she seen anyone go into his house? She says, no, but he thinks she did. He stands in her doorway, and she tells him, move away or she’ll scream. He says she’s good at screaming, and she says, move. He asks, who was it? Who was good at screaming in her household? Her father, who killed her dog, or her sister? She says she doesn’t have a sister, and he says, somebody is on their meds today. She says her husband will be home soon. He doesn’t like Randal, and Randal needs to be careful of his temper. Randal asks if her husband has temper enough to break in and vandalize his house. She tells him, move away from her door, but he leans further in. He says she can’t get pregnant on her meds. She goes past him, onto the lawn, and starts screaming. Natalie sees, and runs out. Marcie looks out, and sees Randal gesturing and Tanya screaming. Natalie tells Randal to get his ass away from that woman, and he tells her to get in her own damn house. He thought they didn’t come out when they hear stuff. She tells Randal, leave that woman alone. Something bad is going to happen to him. He asks if she’s threatening him, and she says, no, but she’s praying she’ll be there when it happens. She’s calling Tanya’s husband. He’s big, and she can’t wait to see him kick Randal’s ass. Randal makes fun of her, and she grabs a huge tree branch and starts whacking him with it. He says he’ll call the police, but she says she doesn’t care, and chases him back into his house.

Natalie goes to Tanya’s house, and asks if she’s all right. Tanya says, Randal is just being his usual rude self. Natalie says, don’t let him bother her. Just grab a branch, and whack his ass out, then call her. Tanya thanks Natalie for not judging her. She knows her husband told Natalie about her condition. Natalie says he did. Just take her meds and keep going. If Tanya needs her, she’s right there.

Marcie meets Natalie outside, and asks, what about Randal? Natalie says, he was after Tanya. She asks if Marcie is watching the baby, and Marcie says, her and Brad. Natalie says, you’re not supposed to put a baby on their stomach, and Marcie says she didn’t know. Natalie asks if she’s sure, and Marcie asks what she’s saying. Natalie says Marcie knows you’re not supposed to do that, but Marcie insists she didn’t know. She would never hurt the baby; he’s beautiful. Natalie tells her, call if she needs anything. Marcie asks if Natalie thinks Alex isn’t coming back, but Natalie doesn’t know.

Marcie goes back in the house, and Brad comes downstairs. He asks if he heard screaming (note to self: never rely on Brad in an emergency), and Marcie says, it was the neighbor across the street. He asks if she’s okay, and Marcie says, Randal was harassing her. He asks if he should check on her, but she says Natalie already did. Alex rolls in, with Esperanza and Steven, and Brad asks where she’s been. She says she’s here to get her stuff, and Esperanza says, and talk to the kids. Alex repeats, and talk to her kids. Brad asks if she’s drunk; she smells like alcohol. Alex says, alcohol, and probably sex. She’s sure they understand. Back the hell up then, and she’ll be gone in a minute. Brad says, fine. He’s taking the house. She says, fine with her. He can have this boring, piece of sh*t, cookie-cutter bullsh*t. He says he’s taking full custody of the kids, and she says, thank you. It’s perfect for all of them. She heads for the liquor cabinet, telling Steven, excuse me, sir. Steven grabs her before she can grab the liquor. Brad says the kids can’t see her like this. She needs to clean herself up. Alex says Brad needs to back off. She starts to go upstairs, but Brad stops her. She says she tried, and flounces out the door. Esperanza tries to catch her, but she’s halfway down the block, and says, I’m out, bitches. She strides down the street. Esperanza tells Steven, she needs to come to her senses, but he says there’s nothing they can do for her. Alex bangs on Randal’s door, and he says, what the hell? She tells him that she needs a drink, and walks past him into the house. Everyone is like, what?

Steven tells Esperanza that Alex will be fine, and steers her back to the car. Randal asks Alex, what the hell is wrong with her? and she asks where the booze is. She finds some, and asks, what the hell happened in here? She laughs, and he says, get the hell out. She says let her finish her drink. She drains the glass, and he says, get the hell out of his house. She says, gladly, and unzips his pants. He says, get the hell… out of… his house…

While Natalie is cleaning up, Eddie walks into her house. She grabs a knife, and says, did he just walk in the door? He says, it was unlocked, and she asks if he’s lost his mind. He says, a while ago. She asks what makes him think he can walk into somebody’s house, and he says, white MF’ing privilege. He can do what he wants. She tells him, get the hell out of her house right now. He says the last time she came at him with a knife, he tazed her ass. He shows her the screen on his phone, and says, look.

Next time, Ian tells Larry that he’s trying to protect the firm, Eddie asks Randal what’s wrong with him, and Eddie tells Natalie to check on what’s going on.

🌇 Later Than Late…

Since I have to get some of that pesky sleep, see you at the same time tomorrow, but earlier. Meanwhile, stay busy, stay active, but don’t stay around too many people yet.

May 8, 2020 – Which Way Did They Go, Today’s GH, Get Well Soon, Tyler’s Royals, Happy 10th, Hello Elijah, Golden Girl, Chef Spat, BH Dish, Nosy Husband, No Charm, Virtual Andy, Quotes of Eight & Could Be Worse


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


Shahs of Sunset

Your guess is as good as mine as to what happened here. Part one of the Reunion was supposed to air at 9 pm, but somehow it turned into The Notebook. I checked everywhere – Bravo’s site, Twitter, Facebook, Google – nothing. I saw the question being posed on the Shahs Facebook page, but no one answered. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I even checked through the entire next week of the digital guide, and nada. Is there a lawsuit pending? As soon as I find out what the blip is going on, I’ll let you know.

It was probably just as well, since I have a sick child dog who had to stay at the hospital tonight, and I’m just a wee bit distracted. I poured an entire pot of tea though, for your entertainment pleasure.

Casey-December14-2013 (3)

My Little Man

🏥 Today, General Hospital’s Flashback Friday was the episode where Jordan and Curtis got married on The Haunted Star. Then found Kiki’s body in their wedding night stateroom. And they still haven’t gone on their honeymoon.

🤕 At Least He Didn’t Lose His Head This Time…

I love Joey Pants! Wishing him a smooth recovery.

👑 Two Degrees Of Royalty…

Along with Josh Altman giving his two cents.

👒 I Can See the Resemblance…

But does she still have that nutcracker?

🏝 Hawaiian (Re)Hash…

No earth shattering revelations.

👶🏽 A Distant Meeting…

GG’s baby Elijah makes his quarantine debut with the cast.

And takes a stroll(er).

💃🏽 Looking Good As Gold…

TBH, I kind of forgot about her.

🍽 Dinnerware Debate…

If you’re back is to the rack, you’re under attack.

💋 Joanna Explains It Not At All…

I never heard someone use so many words to say they weren’t talking about something. Note to Joanna: I can’t comment on that is sufficient.

👉 Stay Out Of Women’s Business…

But if it’s a reality show, and the reality is, Denise’s husband wants to get involved with her issues, what’s the problem?

🍹 Methinks He’s Thirsty…

I barely remember this dude, and if he hadn’t brought it up, I wouldn’t have remembered this incident at all.

🖥 Virtual Reality…

Andy dishes on the VPR reunion.

🦥 Pandemics Make Strange Bedfellows…

It’s bigger than the Teddy Bear’s Picnic.

🗿 Quotes of the Week

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. – Groucho Marx

The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need tomorrow. – Robert Tew

It’s a baby, not a weedwhacker. – Danny (Gary Valentine), King of Queens, when Doug wants to borrow his baby.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead

It is easier to change a man’s religion than to change his diet.Margaret Mead

We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems. – Margaret Mead

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.Maya Angelou

🍾 Everybody’s Not Working For the Weekend…

I hope you’re making the most of any new free time you have, and changing it up on the weekend. Remember…


May 5, 2020 – Elizabeth Tells Nikolas To Let Spencer Decide, Lucci Speaks, Jax Has an Episode, Kelly Gets Good News & Nick Sings Star Wars


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

It’s going to be one of those weeks. I missed the beginning. In a nutshell, Ava wailed to Franco about Nikolas; Nelle met with Martin, who said the burden would be on her in the courtroom; and Sam clapped back at Kristina.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas, find someone else to confide in; she’s busy. He says he never meant for Hayden to stay away, and she says he uses people. He lies to their faces. His son grieved for him for two years, and instead of welcoming him when he returned, Nikolas lost him. Nikolas says Spencer sent him a letter saying he’s willing to explore their relationship again, and she says, that’s great news. His kid worships him, but she’d said it would take time for Spencer to heal. He tells her, don’t pop the champagne cork just yet. There’s a condition. He has to leave Ava. She says, that’s not a condition; it’s a get out of jail free card. Get rid of Ava, and bring Spencer home.

Franco tells Ava, Nikolas doesn’t respect or love her, and she says she doesn’t need his love and respect. His fortune is a different matter. He says she owns the penthouse, and the gallery, which is very successful. She says, none of that is Cassadine Island. They have properties all over the world, a centuries old fortune, and a prominent family name. He gets it. She wants to be queen of the castle. Find a real prince, and dump the frog. She says they have to discuss where she should hang the portrait. Over the fireplace seems cliché. She starts to babble, and he says he knows the real reason she married Nikolas.

On the phone, Carly tells Michael, Diane is thoroughly prepared to prove he’s the better parent. Nelle can try to con the judge, but it won’t work. The truth will come out.

Nina tells Jax, there’s nothing worse than being caught in the nightmare of a custody battle. It’s more difficult when the parent adores and is good for the child. He says, Valentin falls short on morals, ethics, and scruples, but she says Charlotte will make him a better person. He’s crazy about her. Jax says she’s a softie, and she says, because she’s willing to give Valentin the benefit of the doubt when it comes to Charlotte? Carly knocks on the door, and Nina says, it’s a bad time. What’s going on? Carly says, Wiley’s custody hearing is tomorrow, and she wonders if Nina has anything they can use against Nelle.

Nelle asks Martin why she’s paying so much money to him, if the case depends on her. He says she hasn’t had the most stable time in Port Charles, or anywhere else. She says they’re talking now, not the past. She has a respectable job at a famous magazine, not that she needs the money. She has a sale document from the purchase of the cutest house the judge has ever seen. Martin says, it looks like she put the money from the sale of her ELQ stock to good use. She says she’s ready to fight. It’s not looking good for Carly. Michael reminds her that she’s challenging Michael, not Carly, but she says Carly is pulling the strings, but it’s not enough. She’s going to lose because Michael just suffered a shattering breakup with Sasha. She left him for one of his best friends. Martin says, and she didn’t leak it to The Invader. She says, Wiley’s mother is not mean-spirited or malicious. He’s going to tell them. He asks her if she can keep a partner, or do they all die on her?

Ava tells Franco, they need to focus on the portrait. It needs to be hung before the gala. He says she can call it what she likes, but he knows it’s a certified nightmare pretending to be a gala. She asks why he thinks he knows her, and he says he knows what he sees in his eyes when she sits for him. She’s living with the consequences of her choices. In some weird way, her choices are motivated by love, and now she’s committed to a loveless situation with Nikolas. He gets it. She’s punishing herself for Kiki’s death.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas that Spencer has always been wise beyond his years. Look how smart he is now. It’s the perfect incentive for Nikolas to ditch Ava. Getting ride of her will take him a long way to turning into the good guy he is. He says he’s not a good guy, and she says, he was to her. He says he’s a Cassadine. If he divorces Ava, he loses everything; it’s in the agreement he signed. She asks if having Spencer back in his life wouldn’t be worth it, and he says he dreams about him and Spencer. Hanging out, laughing at nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. She says, his dream is coming true. Get rid of Ava. He says, it’s not that simple, and she says, because of the money? There’s got to be another reason. He doesn’t actually have feelings for Ava, does he?

Sam says, how dare Kristina? She has no idea what she’s talking about. Kristina says Sam and Jason are danger junkies. It’s what brought them together, and sustains them. It’s the day to day they can’t stand. Sam says the only thing she’s wanted is to keep her family safe, and Kristina says, that’s what she wanted with Drew. When Jason came back, they were ride or die again. They’re like Romeo and Juliet. Alexis says, enough, and Molly says, Sam and Jason’s love is real. Kristina says, no question Jason would die for Sam. He just can’t live for her.

Nelle tells Martin, Zack had an unfortunate accident, and he says, tell that to Diane. She says she pled guilty to spare the family more pain. He says he’s getting out the violin, and she says, while she was in prison, she prevented Ryan’s escape, and he almost took her good kidney. He says, she’s good; he’ll give her that. But if he brings up Michael’s bad relationships, hers will be in question as well. She says Shiloh was the love of her life, and his life was tragically cut short by Sam, who’s a good friend of Michael’s family. She cries herself to sleep every night because she’s still grieving. They made her a widow. He says he’ll use the argument, and asks if she’s come up with any character witnesses who can attest to her moral character. Who can testify as to her integrity, humanity, and compassion.

Nina says Nelle hasn’t worked for her for very long, and she hates to admit it, but she’s been an exemplary employee. Carly asks, what’s going on? Nina said she hired Nelle to keep an eye on her and help prove she’s an unfit parent. Nina says she can’t give Carly what she doesn’t have. Carly says Nelle refused to consent to Wiley’s surgery, and he’s going to need another one in six months so he can lead a happy, healthy life. If it’s up to Nelle, he won’t get it. Nina asks if Carly has ever tried listening to Nelle without jumping down her throat. Wouldn’t Wiley be better served if Michael compromised? No two parents hated each other more than Lulu and Valentin, but they put their differences aside for Charlotte’s sake, and Charlotte is better off. Jax says, sharing custody with Nelle wouldn’t be the best situation for Wiley, and Nina asks if the love of both parents isn’t the best situation. Carly asks if Nina is telling her that Nelle won her over.

Nikolas tells Elizabeth, he has anger, frustration, and profound distaste for Ava, and she asks if that isn’t enough to kick Ava out of his life. He says she doesn’t know what it’s cost him, surviving the shooting, and the fall. How long it took to heal, and planning his return. It was meticulously thought out. He was determined to keep alive the need to reclaim his name and Spencer’s birthright. She says, Spencer doesn’t care about his birthright; he just cares about Nikolas. He won’t be out in the street. 10% is a lot of money. He says, not enough for the way Spencer expects to live, and she asks if he’s talked to Spencer. She takes out her phone, and tells Nikolas, call him now. Ask what he’d rather have; his money or his dad?

Ava says Franco is wrong. He says she’s sabotaged any chance of her own happiness because she blames herself for hurting Kiki. Ava says she did hurt Kiki, over and over. She’ll never forgive herself, but it has nothing to do with this. Franco says she didn’t kill Kiki; Ryan did. But she’d rather fill her head with thoughts about how to deal with her creepy husband, than deal with thoughts of Kiki. Ava tells him to stop caring about her. Why doesn’t he go back to being the psychopath he used to be?

Nelle tells Martin, Carly locked her out on the hospital roof, while Carly’s mother forged a document consenting to unnecessary surgery on her son. He says, so she has no one to vouch for her character? She says she was at the hospital every day. The nurses saw her, and can attest to her maternal instincts. She even brought them donuts. He says he was thinking of someone she’s known longer than a month. Michael is going to have a veritable parade of character witnesses that are pillars of the community and upstanding citizens.

Nina says, maybe Nelle is trying to be a better person, and be the best mother she can. Carly says Nelle is a pathological liar, incapable of accepting kindness or showing love or affection. She’ll leave Wiley emotionally damaged like she is. Nina says, what about mental illness? and Carly says, she left Michael to die, and convinced Brad to switch babies. She’s a sociopath who’s totally playing Nina. Jax says he thinks Nelle is taking advantage, and Nina says, what if people judged Carly on who she used to be? What if she was kept away from her kids because of her past mistakes? What if no one had stood by her or spoke up for her? What kind of person would she be now?

Sam asks Kristina, what’s that supposed to mean? Alexis says she’d like to know too. Molly says, Jason put everything on the line to save Kristina, and she repeatedly said she was grateful. Kristina says, that’s not the point. Sam asks what her point is. Kristina has always supported their relationship, and Jason loves Kristina. How can Kristina say he wants to be away from her? Kristina says, their relationship is always hotter when they’ve been forced apart. If there was no drama, they wouldn’t survive.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas to call Spencer. Or is he afraid of what the answer might be? Nikolas says he’s not certain. When he saw Spencer, he said he didn’t care about the money, but that’s a lie. Spencer was born into the lifestyle he’s enjoyed since he was a child. There’s no way he’d give it up for this. She says, one thing she’s learned parenting Cameron is, you can’t make assumptions about teen boys. Cameron hated Franco, and now they’re each other’s biggest fans. Nikolas says, and it has nothing to do with Cameron’s mother being in love with Franco? She says, nice change in subject, and he asks if it’s working. He says he is curious about her and Franco. How did such two totally different people find happiness? She says, it took a while. Franco is kind, funny, and stood by her when she was the town pariah. They connected over art. Or at least they used to.

Franco tells Ava he’s not a psycho anymore, even if her invitation says otherwise. She says he had a brain tumor to blame. She doesn’t have that excuse. He says she doesn’t want that. He still has to deal with the people he’s hurt in his head every day. It’s not something that goes away. She asks how he copes, and he says, Elizabeth, her boys, he makes art, and helps patients through art therapy. She says, a healthy way to deal with the pain. Why didn’t she think of that? He says she’s not someone who does healthy, and she laughs. She says she prefers to play to her strengths. She’s not good at finding love, but she knows how to make money. Franco says, she does things like exploit his bad boy genius artist reputation. She says, he’s okay with that, isn’t he?

Nelle tells Martin, she has no family; her childhood was terrible. A good lawyer can make that work in her favor. He says he’ll pour it out, and she says she just wanted to give her son the life she never had. He says the judge will want to know the mother has someone in case of an emergency, the way the Quartermaines and Corinthoses came to Michael’s aid about Wiley’s heart condition. It’s going to be hard to convince a judge that a loving mother would prevent that. Every specialist agrees it improves the quality of life. Too bad she had no one to lean on when she had to make that decision; a close friend who could give her wise counsel and emotional support. She says, so he’s telling her that if she doesn’t have a dozen people saying what a good person she is, she can lose Wiley? He says, to be honest, the best she can hope for is shared custody.

Jax asks Carly and Nina to dial it down. He agrees custody fights are a nightmare, but Josslyn was fortunate because they stopped fighting before she was old enough to remember, but even when they were at odds, he not worried Carly would hurt Josslyn, or not allow her to be given medical attention to spite him. Nina says, they changed. Feelings change, people grow, and Josslyn is better for having the love of both parents. Why can’t Carly learn from the past, and give Nelle a little break? Jax says she can’t compare the two situations, and Carly says she never used Josslyn’s health as collateral, and risked her heath and safety to punish the family. That’s what Nelle did. There’s more to motherhood than biology. Carly guesses Nina doesn’t understand because she’s never been a mother.

Nelle asks why she’s paying Martin so much, if all he can get her is shared custody? She’s been telling Michael, he’ll be lucky if he sees the kid once a month. Martin says, it’s not going to help if she calls Wiley the kid before the judge, and she had no business threatening Michael. She says she thought it was a fact. She wants a refund on the large advance she paid him. He says that’s not happening, so she might as well hear him out and get her money’s worth. Michael’s family is a wise bunch, and if she’ll forgive the pun, they’re going to pull out everything to ensure Michael gets sole custody. Nelle asks if he isn’t even a tiny bit prepared. He says, he will be. The question is, if she gets custody, shared or otherwise, is she prepared to be a mother?

Franco tells Ava, he used, manipulated, and hurt a lot of people. Ava says, it helped sell paintings. Talent can only get you so far. Franco says, thanks, and they laugh. She says, it’s true though. People are fascinated by his criminal past. He provides the required talent, and she’ll remind the public who he was. He says he’s okay with that for the most part, but he’s not so sure Elizabeth is on board. She says, it’s not about Elizabeth, but he says, it’s all about Elizabeth. They had an argument, and he said something stupid that hurt her feelings. She says, they have a strong marriage. She knows Elizabeth will forgive him. Let her bring the bad boy in him back to the art world; the one bright spot in this foolish, ridiculous, awful life she’s created for herself.

Nikolas says, that’s why Elizabeth snapped at him; this is about Franco. Did he say something about her art? He’s not going away until she tells him. She says they received an invitation to Ava’s unveiling, and she wasn’t thrilled that Ava is playing up Franco’s criminal history. He says, she loves to create controversy, and Elizabeth tells him, Franco said, that’s how the art world works, but she wouldn’t know because she’s not a real artist. He says, don’t listen to that condescending fool, and she tells him, watch it. Franco is still her husband. He says he watched her find her talent and solace. If her life had taken a different turn, and she’d been supported and developed her craft, her vision would have put Franco to shame. Great art reflects the soul of the artist, and she’s never afraid to show her soul to the world.

Nelle asks, how dare Martin accuse her of being a bad mom? He tells her, that’s not what he said. Fighting custody is easy; raising children is hard. She says she carried Wiley for nine months inside her. She felt him move, and gave birth alone, with no one there to help. If that doesn’t prepare her for motherhood, she doesn’t know what does. He suggests she read some blogs, and buy a baby book or two. Tell the judge about the few moments she spent with her baby before he was cruelly stolen. And don’t wear waterproof mascara. He wants the judge to have a front row seat to her crying her eyes out. She says, anything else? and he says, a character witness. Preferably not one in prison. He’s going to pull out all the stops to convince the judge she should have Wiley. She says he’d better. He doesn’t want to let her down.

Carly says she knows Nina still feels a connection to her baby, and believes it’s instinctive that connection would make her the best mother. Carly is sure Nina would have been, because she’s a good person, and has it in her. Nelle doesn’t. Nina asks if Carly doesn’t think she imagines every day what she missed, and Carly says, then use it. Remind herself what Nelle did when she handed over the baby to Brad, then told Michael their baby died. Nina says, maybe Nelle is telling the truth. Brad lied about everything. What if he placed the dead baby in Nelle’s arms when she was unconscious? Carly says, Nelle was very conscious. She knew what she was doing, and didn’t care about Wiley. She only cared about hurting Michael. Think about that, and tell her that she doesn’t remember one incident that will help Michael’s custody case against Nelle. Carly leaves, and Nelle asks if Jax thinks she’s wrong, and she’s misunderstanding Nelle’s motives.

Carly waits for the elevator. The doors open, and she and Nelle face each other.

Sam asks if Kristina doesn’t think she wants a quiet life with Jason and the kids. It’s all she dreams about, but something always gets in the way. Molly says, like Shiloh. Sam and Jason had to pretend they weren’t together. Alexis says, Sam went to prison to protect Kristina. Kristina says, and as long as she stays away from Jason, Sam is home free. But she can’t help herself. She’ll find a way to break the rules, sneak around, and spice it up. And Jason appreciates it, when he’s not taking care of Carly and her dad. How many times has she seen him busy cleaning up their messes, while Sam is home taking care of the kids? Her opinion still stands. Jason would die for Sam, but his first priority is Sonny and Carly.

Nikolas doubts Elizabeth will ever trust him again, and says he has no right to ask her to. Elizabeth says he can change who he is now, and be who he used to be when they were friends. She thinks he should give it a chance. He says, as her almost friend, he believes she should think about painting again. She says Franco got her some art supplies for their anniversary, and he says, so Franco isn’t a completely insensitive fool. She says, maybe she’s too sensitive, and he says, a true artist should be. She says, as his almost friend, she thinks he should call Spencer.

Ava says she’s trying to help Franco. He did the same for her just now. He says he heard a bunch of denial. She says she’s not accepting the help because she knows he’s right. She knows why she married Nikolas, but maybe having the understanding will make her life more bearable. Franco says, it would be even more bearable without Nikolas, but she says, they’re talking about him. Apologize, and bring Elizabeth flowers. He has a good marriage. Make it better. He says, she does like flowers. All he cares about is making her happy, and the boys too. She says, at least she’ll know she did something right, and he says glad he could help. She kisses his cheek, and says, more than he knows.

Nelle asks if Carly was trash talking her to Nina. Carly says, she was trying to, but Nina seems to think she’s Nelle’s friend. Too bad Nelle will betray her, like she did everyone else. Carly gets in the elevator, and the doors close.

Jax tells Nina, Carly made some good points about Nelle, and Nina says she’s aware of Nelle’s dark side, but she’s seen Nelle’s vulnerable side. She can’t explain it, but she doesn’t think it’s an act. Nelle listens outside the door. Jax says he thinks Nelle only cares about herself, and Nina says, maybe to change she needs a person who believes in her. Maybe she’s that person who will bring out the best in Nelle. Nelle knocks, and comes in. Jax tells Nina, be careful. He’s going to catch up with Carly.

Jax leaves, and Nelle says, sorry. She hopes she wasn’t interrupting anything. Nina says, no. They were done. Nelle says she took care of the errands Nina asked her to. She thanks Nina for standing up for her, and Nina says, don’t make her regret it. Nelle says, she won’t. In fact, she was going to ask Nina for a favor; a pretty big one. Nina asks what it is, and Nelle says, Wiley’s custody hearing is tomorrow. She has no one to vouch for her; Carly made sure of that. She was wondering if Nina would be willing to testify on her behalf.

Tomorrow, Robert tells Peter to get out, Sonny asks Mike what he needs, and Sasha is at odds with Brook.

👠 Erica Live…

Susan Lucci will be having a live chat on May 7th at 1 pm ET.

Vanderpump Rules

At SUR, Danica tells Ariana that Jax is going to be an hour late. She’s not sure how he gets away with half the sh*t he does. Dayna asks how Scheana’s weekend was, and Scheana says she and Brett went to Palm Springs to do her music video. It’s an R&B song called One More Time; it’s a baby making song, and different from what she’s done. She quickly adds that he’d agreed to it months ago. In Dayna’s interview, she says, this is the second guy she’s been interested in that Scheana has taken to Palm Springs. WTF goes on in Palm Springs? Scheana shows Dayna some raw footage, which is basically soft core porn, and borderline on the soft. Dayna asks if she’s topless, and Scheana says she may have been. In her interview, Dayna tells us she literally doesn’t know what to say, she’s so uncomfortable. She tells Scheana, that’s a video. Good for her.

Tom and Jax bring their athletic shoes to be cleaned at a place Tom found online. Jax asks how they do it, but the cleaner says he can’t disclose their method. In Jax’s interview, he says he had no sudden urge to hang out with Tom. He hasn’t been a great friend. We flash back to where Jax was being a d*ck to Tom, and Jax says he needed his sneakers cleaned, so why not let Tom pay for the gas? Jax still has the tags on his shoes because he thinks it makes him seem younger. He asks if that’s cool, but the cleaner, who is younger, says he always takes off the tags. Jax’s credit card doesn’t go through, and he says it happens all the time. We see several clips of that, and he gives the cleaner another card. He tells Tom about helping Kristen by cutting the grass. He says she still loves Carter, and told him Carter knows about other guys she’s hooked up with. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors? Tom says things are great at his house; better than ever. Jax says he notices Ariana give Tom backhanded comments, but Tom says they never name call. He suggests Jax take a second sometimes, and not get too responsive. Jax admits he’s bad at it. In his interview, Tom says, when Jax feels bored, he picks someone or something to focus his anger and attention on, so he feels important or better about himself. Tom says he’s trying to help out as a friend. Jax says, no one’s perfect.

Brittany meets Stassi at the dog park, and puts sunglasses on her dog. Stassi tells Brittany she thought when she finally got engaged, she’d be a chill bride, but nope. Brittany has the feeling Stassi is going to be double what she was. In Stassi’s interview, she says, people thought she was a monster on her birthday, just wait. The wedding will be a nightmare. They admire each other’s rings, and Stassi asks how annoying Brittany thinks they are. Brittany says, they really are annoying, but eff off; she’s happy. Stassi says when she posted her engagement photo, someone said they were never so excited to see a couple get married. Jax replied, thanks a lot. Brittany says, Jax is an attention whore, but he’s happy for them. She says she knows Stassi and Kristen are on the outs, but she and Jax are having a pool party, and asks if Stassi won’t come if she invites Kristen. Stassi says she’d still come, and Brittany says she worries about her friends not coming. In Brittany’s interview, she says she loves cooking, and cleaning; getting ready and preparing for people to come over. It’s the first time they’re going to have a big group at their new house. Stassi says if she and Kristen can’t get along in normal moments, Kristen can’t be at the big ones. I nod in agreement.

Ariana teaches Dayna how to make drinks. Dayna is dying to bartend. Scheana asks Jax if he wants to see footage from her video, and he says, not really. She asks what’s up his ass? and he says, everyone isn’t honest. Tom and Ariana said he took Kristen’s bait. He thinks something is going on with Tom. He doesn’t really talk about their relationship. In his interview, Jax says he thinks their relationship is a façade. It looks pretty on the outside, but he doesn’t see them happy together, and thinks buying the house was a bad idea. It’s not a normal relationship. He tells Scheana, he thinks Ariana is miserable. Scheana says Ariana is depressed, and Jax says when Ariana doesn’t like something, she says she’s depressed. Ariana invites Dayna to a dinner party she and Tom are having, and Dayna says she might be late. Ariana says, easy breezy. Scheana asks if Jax is going to Max’s beach clean-up. He says they all live in the valley, and have to drive a while to get there. The fumes in the air defeat the purpose.

Lisa goes to Vanderpump Dogs. Puffy! Lala is helping put out merchandise, and Lisa says they have two dogs coming in from Puerto Rico. Lala says she can help with intake, and Lisa says she’s good at intake. Lala says she doesn’t need a cocktail to be vulgar. She’s approaching ten months, and thinks James is steering clear of drinking. She’s proud of him.

Raquel asks where James found the pink silverware, and he says he’s been doing stuff today. She sees flowers on the table, and he says they’re having filet mignon with roasted potatoes and carrots. In his interview, James says he needed to do some serious rebuilding in his relationships, and Raquel is the one who means the most. That’s what life is all about. He tells her about the beach clean-up, and says they were invited. It made his day. He hopes he’s enough without drinking, and she says, of course he is. He’s the ultimate him, and so fun to be around. He says he knows.

Lisa tells Lala that James was aware there was a problem when he lost his job and his friends, but it happened with Raquel, it struck a chord. Lala says she’s happy for James, and Lisa thinks he’s on the road to recovery, but she’s cautiously optimistic.

The group gathers at the beach, and Kristen gives Stassi a kiss. In Stassi’s interview, she says, it’s awkward AF. In Max’s interview, he says he was born Hawaii, and grew up in San Diego, and trash and plastic is bad for the sealife. It means a lot to him to make sure it’s clean, since he swims in it. I live near a beach, and I hear that. I hate seeing all the plastic that washes up, and it makes me wonder just how much doesn’t wash up. Max says they’re going to pick up trash, then hang out. They take paper bags, and comb the beach. In Katie’s interview, she says he picked literally the cleanest beach she’s ever been to. It’s cleaner than her house. Dayna asks Brett how Palm Springs was. Brett says it was a video about having sex, and they were doing fake strokes and pipe laying. At one point, he felt violated, when Scheana was biting his ear, and licking the earwax out of it. Blech. He had to tell her, no. If he’d wanted to, he could have literally had sex with her on camera. She asked if he wanted a BJ, and he said no. It was hard, since he loves them. Dayna says, he’s lying, and he says, no. He’s not leading Scheana on; he was doing her a favor. Dayna asks if he thinks Scheana might see it differently. He has to set boundaries or she’ll be taking advantage. Lala says, it’s hard with Scheana. You say, this isn’t going to happen, but in the back of Scheana’s mind… Dayna says, seriously, there’s a chance. Max says Jax told him the beach clean-up was a dumb idea, and everyone is pissed at him for planning it. It’s dumb, pointless, and nobody cares. Tom says Jax texted him, saying Max is trying to one-up him. They’ve never heard anything like that before. We flash back to Jax telling Tom, he’s the number one guy in the group. Tom thinks Jax is jealous that he’s not the center of attention, and Max says he’s not upset that Jax isn’t there.

In Kristen’s interview, she says her job as an entrepreneur is never done. She’s doing a pop-up event to spread the word about her brand, and sell some shirts. She tells Schwartz that Stassi isn’t coming, and he says Katie isn’t either. Kristen says she’s not surprised, but she was hopeful. Tom texts Jax that everyone is there except him, and Jax texts Tom that he can skip their pool party. Brett tells Max that Scheana said Dayna still had feelings for him, and asks how he feels about her. Stassi tells Dayna that she’s heard Dayna has a love triangle going on. Max tells Brett that he doesn’t want to talk about it, and Brett asks if it would be bad if he hooked up with Dayna. Dayna tells Stassi that she told Brett, she wished she’d met him before Max. In Dayna’s interview, she says, it’s fun and games to be with the emotionally unavailable hot guy, until it’s time to have a real conversation about feelings. Max thanks everyone for coming, and says he appreciates it. Jax texted him that everyone was mad at him for planning it. Brittany tells him, don’t listen, and Katie says, he’s just being an a-hole. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, Jax’s borderline abusive rage texts are a dynamic of the relationship. He’s developed a technique – keep deleting. You’ll sleep in peace, and live happily ever after. He does the same thing with Katie. Brittany tells them, Jax said it was Mercury’s in Gatorade. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Jax will point his finger at anything and anyone to absolve himself of what he’s doing. In Brittany’s interview, she says, it sucks that she feels like she has to answer and take up for Jax when he does these things, but she married him knowing he’s that person. She tells Max that she’ll tell Jax to stop.

Lisa tells Raquel that she checks on James more than her children. We flash back to Lisa video chatting with James, and says she hopes he’s telling the truth. Raquel tells her that they went to a club last night, and James didn’t drink a sip. Lisa tells her, James said he was doing well, but she’s never quite sure if she’s getting the true story. In Lisa’s interview, she says she’s such a mother. She wants to make everything right. She asks Raquel if the relationship is different, and Raquel says it is.

Tom tells Ariana she looks great. In her interview, Ariana says she manages her depression by focusing on the things she loves, and she loves hosting and cooking for people. Scheana arrives with some guy I’ve never seen, who I think is named Shawn. Schwartz, Katie, Max, Brett, and Dayna follow. Tom says, Jax’s rage texts continue. He reads, if you’re talking sh*t about me, don’t bother coming. YOU DID; don’t come. Max says he got a bunch on his way there. Jax asked why Max was crying to his wife, and don’t come to his house. Max says all he did was ask him to come to the beach, and Jax told him that he’s not welcome. Schwartz says, Jax is being a d*ck for no reason; it’s unprovoked. In some bizarre moment of clarity, Scheana says, it’s not about Jax, so he didn’t come. In her interview, she says, his 40th is over, the wedding is over, and no one is paying attention to him, so he has to fight with his friends. It’s classic Jax. Tom thinks they should have a rager there at the same time as the pool party, and teach him a lesson. Katie says her pants got wet thinking about it. Ariana says, dinner is served. Katie says, whoever picks up their phone has to buy a table for Tom and Ariana. Ariana thanks everyone for coming to dinner at their rented table. She’s happy in life, and loves them. Max asks Dayna to come outside, and they sit on the patio. He says he’s not good at expressing how he feels, but it feels weird seeing her and Brett. He’s not telling her not to do this, but he’s saying he clearly still has feelings for her. Dayna says when the next shiny thing comes along, she’ll be in his rear view. He says he’s had his past, but he’s never moved forward like he did with her. She says, then why not keep moving forward? and he says it scared him to have feelings. It’s not an excuse, but he’s scared because he likes her, and sometimes love goes south. In his experience, it hasn’t been good for him. In Dayna’s interview, she says she never stopped caring about Max, but she thinks part of the reason he’s saying this is because Brett is in the picture. She thinks he does care about her, but he makes her feel confused. Max says he wants her to know it’s cool, but it’s also not cool. Dayna asks if he hears himself; she’s getting whiplash. Max says he’s not going to attack them over it, and Dayna asks what she’s supposed to do with that; it’s ambiguous.

At Kristen’s event, she says, everyone get wasted and shop. Scheana tells Brett, they still need one more thing for the video. He asks if she’s going to be making out with his ear or biting him. They literally (taking a drink now) simulated a sexual situation. Scheana says, it’s called acting; don’t take it so seriously. He says he wanted to wear jeans, and she told him to take them off. She asks, who wears clothes in bed? In Brett’s interview, he says he thinks Scheana’s and his ideas of a sexy video are the opposite. He thinks less is more, but she wants to show everybody everything. It’s not sexy. He says he felt uncomfortable, and doesn’t want her to have the wrong idea. She tells him, don’t be cocky; it’s just a video. In Scheana’s interview, she says he knew the concept of the video. She tells Brett that it was awkward for her too, but she’s good at her job. He doesn’t believe she didn’t like it, and she says she’s going to buy some T-shirts. Dayna laughs. I wonder if Scheana believes her own lies.

Jax joins Max and Tom, and says he’s sorry. It wasn’t his intention, and he’s the first to apologize when he’s wrong. He was out of line, and he’s going through mental issues. He’s angry all the time, and calls it an episode. In Tom’s interview, he says, 90% of the time, Jax is full of sh*t. He spins things around to create pity. Jax says, part of it was him uninviting them. They can obviously come. Scheana tells Charli about Brett being uncomfortable with the video, and Charli says he should have known what it was when he signed up. Scheana calls Brett over, and Charli jets. She says she doesn’t want him feeling uncomfortable, and he doesn’t have to come. He says he did her a favor, and she says she doesn’t want him there, since he brought up how uncomfortable he was. In her interview, Scheana says, guys in L.A. suck. If she’s sexy, she’s coming on too strong, but if she plays hard to get, that’s not good either. How is she supposed to know what they want, if they don’t say it? Brett asks if they’re good, and she says they’re good. He says when she flashes her fingers like that, they’re not good.

Jax asks Kristen where Carter is, and she says he’s working. In her interview, Kristen says when Stassi didn’t ask her to the engagement party, she felt vulnerable and alone, and she called Carter. They had sex. It was great. Jax says Kristen hooked up with a guy in a video that Carter saw. Kristen says, it was four years ago, and Jax asks her to swear on her life and her friendships. She says it’s none of his business, but it was four years ago. In Kristen’s interview, she says, of course she’s lying. Jax has the biggest mouth ever, and it’s no one’s effing business. In Jax’s interview, he wonders if Kristen doesn’t get tired of telling stories, and not knowing what she told people. She’s losing friends left and right. No one believes her, and it’s all deny, deny, deny. Lala joins the conversation, and Kristen asks if they can not do this where she’s selling things. Jax stomps off, griping that Kristen lies about everything, and she’s delusional. Brittany says he’s projecting to people who don’t know him. What’s wrong with him?

James goes to SUR, and asks for a table for one in Raquel’s section. Lisa comes in, and sits with him. She asks if his girlfriend is working, and he says he’s in her section. Lisa says he can’t stay away, and tastes his drink. She says she approves. Raquel comes to the table, and asks if she wants a glass of rosé. Lisa asks if the Pope has a balcony, and Raquel doesn’t understand. In her interview, she asks if everyone knows the Pope drinks rosé on his balcony. Lisa says she loves Raquel, and James says Raquel had to think about that. He’s having the best time. Lisa asks, what’s wrong? and James says he wishes he and Raquel worked at the same time. In Lisa’s interview, she says, James has had no problem asking for his job back. He starts out sweet and polite, then slyly tries to weasel back in. Then when he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets demanding, but this time seems to feel different. Lisa tells James, you know what? They don’t have a DJ for tonight. He gets all excited, and says, onward and upward. She says she has faith in him. In James’s interview, he says, white Kanye is back in business. He tells Raquel, and she says, amazing. She’s so excited for him.

Jax and Brittany argue about Kristen’s time frame, and Brittany asks why he’s getting mad. It has nothing to do with him. He asks if he’s not allowed a bad day, and she says he’s allowed a bad day, but he’s not allowed to take it out on her. She doesn’t get why he’s so affected. He asks if that’s it than, and she says, no. Obviously she loves him. They’ve been through worse, and she’s stood by his side. Give her some credit. He doesn’t have to lay blame. He says he has super highs and lows. He smokes and gains weight, then he takes Adderall for it. He can’t win. Geez. No wonder he’s a mess. Brittany says, as soon as the wedding was over, nothing was ever good enough. Jax says they’re going to fight. It’s not Leave It To Beaver. He can give her that if she wants, but they’d have to move to Kentucky. She says she doesn’t want him to circle back to his old ways, and being mean. She starts to cry, and says, it breaks her heart.

Next time, a competing pool party; Brittany wonders if they’re going to have anyone at their house; Stassi tells Jax that he’s losing his mind; Lisa and Ken are developing a garden bar, and would like to see the Toms invest for a 10% share; and Lala says Max and Brett are getting messy.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Oh yeah the cowboy bar. Ha-ha! I forgot.

Brad tells the baby to breathe, and calls 911. The operator tells him to check the baby’s airway, and he says, there’s a fireman across the street. He runs out, and Natalie smacks into him with her car. She and Esperanza jump out, and he tells them, the baby isn’t breathing. Natalie and Esperanza run inside the house, and Esperanza takes the phone from Brad. She asks, what happened? and he says he checked on the baby, and he wasn’t breathing. She asks if the baby was on his back, but he says, no. The baby was on his stomach. Marcie must have put him that way. Esperanza starts to tell the operator that they need an ambulance, but Natalie says, no; they don’t need it. Brad says, he’s not dead? and Natalie says, he’s sleeping. Esperanza tells the operator, the baby’s asleep. They just have a panicked man who doesn’t know what to do with a baby; they don’t need anyone. Brad stammers, and Natalie shows him how to put a finger under the baby’s nose. He says he thought the baby’s chest wasn’t moving, and Esperanza asks if he actually took a look. He needs to relax. She tells him that babies need to sleep on their backs, and he says he just panicked. Natalie asks if he’ll be all right, and he says he has a sitter coming. He’s good until then. Esperanza says, what about Alex? Does he know where she is? He says he’s sure she’ll be home soon, but Natalie says she doesn’t think… Esperanza stops her, and Brad says they look like they know something. Natalie says she doesn’t think he wants to know, and Brad asks if they saw her. She needs to come back and take care of the kids, and the other kid. Natalie says, she’s at a bar, and he says he doesn’t care. Esperanza says she thinks he should get her. It’s a sleazy, dirty, grimy place. Actually, it isn’t, but okay. She says, it’s not somewhere Brad would want her, and he says, it suits her. He’s done. They’re divorced, and he doesn’t care. Esperanza asks if he’s going to raise the kids on his own, and he says he’ll have to. Natalie says, the baby is fine, and Esperanza says, they can’t leave her. Natalie says, she’s grown, and Esperanza suggests she stay with the kids while Brad brings her back. Natalie says he can’t do that, and Brad says he won’t do it. Esperanza says, she’ll do it then. She leaves, and Natalie asks if Brad will be okay. He tells her he will, and she reminds him not to lay the baby on his stomach. She says, he’s welcome, and he says, sorry.

Natalie sees Tyrell, and asks if he’s settled in. He says he is, and asks if Justice is home. She said around 3, right? She says, Kelly doesn’t really want him to see Justice. She wants to talk to him first. He asks when Natalie thinks she’ll be home, but Natalie doesn’t know. He asks if she thinks Lushion could get him in to see Kelly, and she says she’ll ask him. He wonders if he could borrow some bread, and she says, he wants to borrow money? He says, no; bread, and she laughs. She tells him to come in, and he says he’s been in jail. She asks if he’s going to rob her, and he says, not at all. They head into the house. Tyrell says, sorry. When people know he’s been in jail, they get scared. Natalie says she has a son in jail. He asks how long her son has got, and she says, a day is too long. She gives him a loaf of bread, and asks if he needs anything else. He says the bread will do, and she asks if he’s eaten. She doesn’t think there’s anything over at Kelly’s, and he says there are canned beans. She says she’ll make him a sandwich. He sits, and says he needs to see Kelly. She says she’ll call Lushion, and he says she’s really kind. She hopes someone is kind to her son. He asks what her son’s name is, and she says, Joey; does he know him? He says, he doesn’t, and asks when she thinks Kelly will get out. She says, they’re working hard on it, and he says he misses her; she’s the love of his life. They were kids in love and having fun; it was crazy. He’s pretty sure Kelly doesn’t feel the same anymore. Natalie says he doesn’t know that, and he says he hopes they can get back together.

There’s a knock at Brad’s door. It’s Dr. Raston, and he says he wasn’t expecting her. she says she wanted to come by and check on him. Brad says Alex isn’t back; that’s why she’s there, right? She says she’s sorry, and he says he’s there taking care of the kids. He learned a valuable lesson about babies sleeping on their fronts. He doesn’t want to make it awkward, but asks why Alex went to see her. She asks, what’s going on? and he tells her, look for herself, showing her the laptop. He says Alex has been on an online dating site, sleeping with lots of men. The doctor says she’s sorry, and he says, it is what it is. He says he’ll have to get tested – for everything. If she’s given him something… Dr. Raston tells him not to get ahead of himself. He asks how a person can be one way for ten years, then break. She can’t answer that, but knows a therapist who can. He says he’s not interested, and she says she knows he’s angry. He says she doesn’t know the half of it, and she says she’s sorry. He says he is too, and she tells him, she’s there if he needs her. He says he’s sorry for being rude; it’s a lot. She understands, and he thanks her for coming by.

Nurse Pat visits Tyrell, and asks if he lives there now. Nice. She asks who lives there, and he says, a friend. He asks if she wants some wine, but she says she’s got to go to work. She only has an hour. He says that’s plenty of time, and she asks if his mom doesn’t live there. He says, not his mom, his ex. She says, no bitch is going to beat her down. Come to her house. She sees a picture of Kelly, and says, hell no. That’s her? She was Kelly’s nurse in jail. He says, small world, and she says, this is where she killed Travis? Now she knows she’s getting out of there. She tells him, call one of his other strays, and opens the door. She says, damn, and he says, yeah, damn. She leaves, and he says, damn. He calls someone, and says he’s out. He’s a free man.

Alex rides the bull. It’s slightly more crowded in the bar now. She says, look what the cat dragged in, and it’s Randal. He asks, what the hell is going on up in here? and she says she’s riding a bull. He says he sees that. She’s back to her hillbilly whore roots. She says, jealous? and tells him to help her down. He does, and she tells Johnny to give her another shot. He asks what he can get for her friend, and Randal says he’s good. Johnny says, if you come into this bar, you drink. Alex says, it’s fine; he’ll have a beer. And a shot. Randal asks, who’s that? and she says, her new sponsor. He asks if she’s in recovery now, and she says, no; she’s staying with him a little while. They’re going to shack up while she figures things out. He asks, what the hell is wrong with her? and she says, he thinks she’s crazy? He says, hell yeah. He finally drove her mad. She says he didn’t, and he laughs. She says she’s completely free. If he did that, fine. She’s finally free to do whatever she wants. Nobody to stop her. He says she can’t do that, and she asks, why? He says he’s not through making her life a living hell. She says, he can’t do that; the pressure’s off. He says she’s going home; let’s go. She says, no, and he tries to strongarm her. She says she’s not going anywhere, and he says, want a bet? She tells him, look around real quick. Look at where he is; surrounded by a bunch of good old boys. Does he want to be grabbing up on her? He thinks she knows he doesn’t give a damn, and he pulls her off the bar stool. Johnny takes out a gun, and says, put his hands on her again, and he’ll blow Randal’s brains out. Alex says, he means it. Johnny tells Randal, get his ass on out of there, and don’t come back. Alex says, he really means it. Randal backs up, and goes toward the door, and Alex says she loves a man with a gun. Randal slowly leaves, and Johnny asks if Alex is doing okay. What does she want? She says, a shot, and he says, this one’s on the house, but she better ride that bull again.

Eddie barges into Larry’s office. Larry tells his poor assistant, it’s okay. Eddie asks how Larry is, and Larry says, better now that Eddie is  there. Eddie says, him too. He brought Larry something he shouldn’t have. He thinks Larry will like it. Larry asks if he should take his clothes off. Eddie says, keep them on, but open his mouth nice and wide. Eddie puts his feet up on the desk, and asks, how much would a long list of names regarding the Cane case be worth? Larry says he has no idea what Eddie is talking about, and Eddie says he has every idea Larry represents the church. What’s the price for the list of women Travis assaulted? If Larry tells him what he wants to know, he’ll be more than happy to share his information. Larry asks how and where he got it, and Eddie says, from Kelly’s cell. A sister from the church gave it to her. Larry says, so they’re trying to get her off, and Eddie says, seems that way. Larry calls Ian to come in. He tells Ian, this gentleman says he has information that was going to be used to get Kelly off. He says it was found in her cell. Has Ian gotten in touch with Carl? Ian says, not yet, but he will. Ian asks Eddie how much it’s worth, and Eddie says, the question is, how much is it worth to him? It’s a lot of bad publicity for the church. What’s the price tag on something like that? He’ll start at 200 (I’m assuming he means thousand, but he is pretty stupid). Larry says, $50K now, in cash. Eddie thinks he can get more than that, but he’ll start with $50K. Larry tells Ian to go to the safe, and get the money, and Ian says, right away. He leaves, and Larry asks if Eddie wants a drink. Eddie says, nah. He knows what Larry mixes in. Larry says he’s learned his lesson, huh? There are no other copies? Eddie says, it’s the only one. How long is this going to take? Larry says, patience is a virtue, and Eddie says he’s not patient. Larry asks again if Eddie wants a drink, and Eddie says, that’s the second time. He’s not interested. Bring him the money.

Steven asks Esperanza how her day is going, and she says, not so good, so far. He says, it’s not Eddie? and she says, it’s Alex. She asks if he’ll go somewhere with her quick. Alex is at a dive bar doing God knows what. She doesn’t think Alex should be there. He says, she’s an adult, and Esperanza says, a very drunk one. Steven says, let her stay and have a good time, and she asks if he’s coming with her. He says he said he would. He just has to tell Lushion something first.

Ian sits in Lushion’s office. Lushion says, he hasn’t returned Ian’s texts? Ian says, no, and Lushion asks, who is this kid? He said to meet there. Ian asks, where’s the information? Lushion says, Eddie happened, and Ian says, he took it? Lushion says, yeah, and Ian asks if there are any copies. Lushion says there aren’t, and Ian says, Eddie sold it to Larry. Lushion asks why Larry would buy it (which I’d think he’d know), and Ian says, Eddie lied, and said he had the rest of the information, and could keep it quiet. He’s sorry. Lushion asks, was Ian in on this? Ian says he’s trying help her. Why? Lushion says, it sounds fishy. Ian says Lushion can trust him, and Lushion says Ian needs to start showing him something. Ian says, this kid can handle it. It will be okay. Lushion asks if he doesn’t think they’re waiting too long. Ian says, they’re both in the result business, and Lushion says, show him something. Steven stops by, and says, the DA is there, in the interrogation room. She wants to see Lushion. Lushion and Larry leave the office.

Larry is standing around the corner, and asks what Ian is dong there. Ian says he’s there for the Vasquez case. What is Larry doing there? Larry says, the DA asked to see him. Ian asks, for what? but Larry doesn’t know. He asks Ian to come with him. Lushion is like, hmm… and follows.

In the interrogation room, the DA sits with Carl. Larry says he didn’t know it was going to be a party. Ian is his plus one. What’s going on? The DA (whose first name I forgot) says, this, and plops a folder down, and this affidavit. This young man, their public defender star, delivered. Larry asks where he got this, and Carl says, his sources are confidential. Larry says the cases settled out of court, but Carl says, it won’t matter. They’re ready to testify. He spoke to all of them. Larry asks how he got his hands on this, and Carl says, confidential. Larry says, right, but they can still prosecute. The DA says, they’re not prosecuting Kelly for anything. Her office is opening an investigation into the allegations against Travis and his church. They need to get themselves together. Larry asks if she’s aware that it’s an election year, and she asks if he’s trying to threaten her. That would not be wise. She tells Lushion, they’re dropping the murder charge. They believe it was self-defense. Lushion says, no question. The DA says, they’re done. Larry asks who is Carl? How does he do this. Carl says, it’s what he does, and Larry says, he didn’t have help? Carl says, the good Lord; hallelujah. Everyone leaves, and Lushion laughs. He says, Carl did it. Carl says Lushion doubted him? Come on. Lushion says he didn’t. Good job. Let’s go tell her.

Larry tells Ian, he smells a rat, and he knows who it was – Eddie. He’s wet behind the ears, and they had the same thing. Ian says, he’s not Larry’s problem, but Larry says Eddie took $50K from him, but he’ll get it back. Watch him.

Marcie returns to Brad’s house, and says, she’s not back yet? He says, no, and Marcie says, she thought Alex would be back. She was drunk and mad, and maybe she will when she sobers up. He says he doesn’t know, and she hands him a card. She says, it’s a lawyer. He needs to get custody of his kids. He asks how he explains it to them, and she says, carefully? He says, they’re going to be home soon, and she says he’ll need to have a sit-down with them. He asks if she’ll stay, but she doesn’t know if it’s a good idea. He says he’ll have to explain it to them sooner or later; there’s a lot going on. She says, maybe he should wait, but he says, what’s the point? He’s going to have to move in, and he wants her to move in as well. She asks if it isn’t a lot for the kids, and he says, they’ll adjust. The baby cries, and he says he’ll need help with this one. She says, the baby isn’t his. Alex will have to give him up for adoption. Is he sure he’s ready to take this on? He says he’s ready to do what he has to do. She tells him, call Larry, and they’ll do what they have to do. He says, done, and kisses her.

Lushion knocks on Kelly’s cell. She asks if he found Eddie, and he says he did. She says, thank God. He got the pictures back? He says, no, and she repeatedly says, oh my God. He says, but it’s all right, and she says, it’s not. She’s still in there. He says, not for long, and she tells him, he keeps saying that, but she can’t take it anymore. She feels like she’s going to die in there. That bastard Eddie took it all away from her. Lushion tells her, hold on, and she says she feels like a caged animal. He says, if she hates it there, she’s going to love this guy. Carl steps forward, and she says, what the hell is he doing here? Carl says, she has hostility for him, and Lushion tells her, she’d said Carl was so green he can’t see straight. Is that any way to talk about the man got her off? She says, what words are coming out of his mouth? and Lushion says, she’s free to go. He unlocks the cell, and she stands there a moment. She asks if he’s playing with her, but he promises he’s not. She cries and thanks him. She laugh/cries, and thanks them both. Lushion asks if she doesn’t want to know what happened, and she says, no. She doesn’t want them to change their minds; she just wants to leave. He says, they won’t change their minds, and she asks, what happened? Lushion says, they looked at the evidence, and saw it was self-defense; they saw all the victims. Kelly thanks Carl, and he says, him? The green kid? She thanks Lushion again, and kisses him on the mouth.

Next time, Natalie gets into it with Randal, Larry approaches Eddie about the money, Alex goes home, and Tanya freaks out.

🍹 May the Cinco de Mayo Be With You…

Another Temptation Tuesday has come and gone, and along with it your virtual margarita party, and whatever Star Wars remembrance you brought forth for the fourth. Stay safe, stay focused, and stay having a sense of humor.

April 28, 2020 – Sonny Makes a Deal, Stassi Gets Her Wish, Scheana Weirds Us Out, Alex Goes To the Cowboy Bar & a Light


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

On the phone, Nina says she got permission to shoot at the fine art museum. Call her when it’s confirmed. In the meantime, try to keep dry. Jax says it sounds like she’s in crisis mode, and she says, it’s raining on the tropical island where they’re shooting. She had to go to plan B. He asks if there’s anything he can do to help. She says he can give her a hug, and he says he can give her more than that. He hugs her, and says, Nelle isn’t helping? Did Nina take his suggestion and fire her? Nina says, no. She sent Nelle on some errands. She didn’t want Nelle telling tales out of school, or talking to The Invader. He asks, what kind of tales? and she says, surprise, surprise. Sasha cheated on Michael. Since he’s Sonny’s son, it’s sure to be news.

Alexis sees Valentin at the MetroCourt bar, and she says they have to quit meeting like this. He looks like he just lost his best friend. He says he has, but she’s better off without him.

Lulu tells Laura, after fighting tooth and nail, she thinks Valentin is going to give up Charlotte? Laura says she only knows what Valentin told her. Laura flashes back to Valentin saying she’s a good person, and Charlotte needs her to learn right from wrong, and be a steady force in her life. Laura says she’s tried to provide that, and he tells her, what he’s trying to say is, he needs her to teach Charlotte to be good. Clearly, he can’t do that. Lulu tells Laura, she knows how manipulative Valentin can be, but Laura says, this is different. She saw him at the MetroCourt after Violet’s birthday party. Lulu says, when Laura was advocating for him? and Laura says, when she was advocating for Charlotte. Valentin pulled her aside, and said the most extraordinary thing. She’s not sure if she believed him. Lulu says, so tell her, and Laura says, he said he wanted her to look after Charlotte, and made it sound like he was going to walk away from her for her own good. Charlotte hears them talking.

Brando tells TJ, as soon as he runs the card, TJ is good to go. The keys are in the car. TJ says, hold on. Something is wrong.

At Charlie’s, Sam asks if Molly got in an accident, and Molly says she went over a curb. The car was making a weird noise, and she didn’t want to drive it home in case she caused more damage. Sam asks why she didn’t call, and Molly says, she was fine, and there was a garage half a block away. It was closed, but the mechanic let her in. She was speed talking, like she is now, but worse. She asked him if he could do the work, and he said he could, or he could keep it overnight if she wanted to take it to the dealer. He went out of his way not to take advantage of her. Sam says, nice guy, and Molly says, very. They just met him. Brando Corbin.

Sonny says, Cyrus took his best shot and missed. Why doesn’t he crawl back in the hole he came from? Otherwise, there will be a war. Cyrus says he can’t go back to Seattle empty handed, and Sonny says, it will show weakness to his organization, and Cyrus will be at risk. What they’re left with is a nuclear option. Sonny starts to walk away, and Cyrus says, wait. He has a counteroffer that will work for both of them. Sonny says he’s listening.

Chase comes home, and is hit with the fact Willow is gone. He flashes back to Willow dressed up, waiting for him, and saying, wine guy come through. He tells her not to come near him until he showers, but she says she’ll risk it, and kisses him. Alone again, there’s a knock at the door, and Chase opens it to find Finn, who says he thinks he needs an explanation. Chase left Violet’s party before she even opened his present. She loved it. Chase says he’s glad, but it’s a bad time. Not because of Finn. Finn says, it’s obvious Chase isn’t his annoyingly upbeat self. Tell him what’s going on. Chase says he cheated on Willow. Willow found out, and now he’s lost her.

Valentin says, Alexis has handled custody cases before, and she says, it’s not a good time, but she’ll be happy to recommend someone. He says he’s not looking for representation. He’s not planning on challenging Lulu’s petition for sole custody. Alexis says she thought he and Lulu would be fighting until Charlotte was old enough to have children of her own, but he says, Charlotte needs stability and permanence in her life. Alexis says, so he’s giving up on her? She thought Valentin adored her. He says, she’s not such a little girl anymore, and she’s seen some regrettable behavior on his part. Alexis says, she’ll get over it. She’s made mistakes in life – a lot actually – but her children are grounded. She can’t imagine life without them. He says he can’t imagine life without Charlotte, but he’s not doing this for him. He’s doing it for her. He has to find the strength to walk away and not look back.

Jax tells Nina, Michael believed in Sasha, and stood by her. It must have been hard to find out he was wrong. Nina says, even worse, it could affect Michael’s custody fight. He says, it makes no sense; they seemed genuinely happy, and crazy about each other. Nina says, Sasha has a way of making people believe what she wants them to, and Michael was determined to believe she was a fallen angel, who needed his love and support. She tried to warn him. Sasha is weak at best, and an opportunist at worst. Jax says, and Nina still misses her.

Cyrus says he and Sonny can have the peace they both want. He won’t threaten Sonny’s turf or family. Sonny says, in return for what? and Cyrus says he won’t interfere with Sonny’s business, if Sonny doesn’t interfere with his. All he asks is an opportunity to put down roots in Port Charles. Sonny asks, what’s the attraction? and Cyrus says, after so many wrongful years in prison, he craves fresh air, sunlight, and a home where it’s quiet and friendly. Jason asks if that includes the sniper watching from the rooftop. Sonny asks if this is how Cyrus wants it to go down.

Kristina asks Molly, if it’s the Brando who thinks she’s an idiot who fell for mumbo jumbo. Sam says, he was talking about the cult thing, and Kristina says, Molly slept with him? Molly says Kristina was just proud of what she did, and Kristina says she is. It was human and healthy. Molly says, she’s not proud, and Sam says, she was hurting, and Brando happened to be in the right place at the wrong time. It was just one night, right? And she still wants TJ. Molly says, more than anything, and Sam says, good. She heard Brando say Molly could pick up the car. She’s sure Molly doesn’t want to see Brando again, and Molly says, never. Sam says, she’ll pick up the car for Molly, and Molly asks her to promise she won’t say anything. Sam says she’s not going to kick Brando, but maybe she’ll kick the tires.

Brando asks TJ, what’s wrong? and TJ says, the parts and labor barely cover the cost of the repairs. He wonders if Brando confused Molly with another customer, but Brando says he gives a discount to first time customers. It keeps them coming back. TJ hopes Molly just comes back for an oil change next time. He thanks Brando for not taking advantage by doing unnecessary work, and Brando says Molly was worried about TJ being in the hospital. TJ says he’s going to be off the crutches soon. He wonders what Molly told Brando, since she had her accident before he went to the hospital.

Charlotte listens to Lulu and Laura talking. Lulu says she and Valentin have been fighting since she found out Charlotte was her daughter. What made him back down? Something happened. Laura says, it must have, for him to think Charlotte would be better off without him. Charlotte flashes back to telling Valentin that she saw him push Ava off the parapet. Lulu says, if Valentin wasn’t convinced after Charlotte was kidnapped, she can’t imagine what changed his mind. Laura says, her either. He didn’t confide the reason for his change of heart. Lulu says, assuming he has a heart, and Laura says, that’s not fair. He’s a flawed man, but he loves Charlotte. Putting her happiness and well-being ahead of his own is the true test a real parent.

Alexis wonders what brought about Valentin’s decision to abandon his child. He asks what’s with her concern; should he be worried? She says, it’s nothing to be concerned about, and he says, the lady doth protest too much. She’s working hard to cover up something. If she wants to talk, he can listen. She flashes back to Sam telling her that she should have questioned the whole system; then the board would have questioned it too. Sam asks if Neil makes Alexis happy, and why the hell Alexis didn’t fight for him? Alexis tells Sam, it wasn’t an option, and Sam asks if that’s because it was too difficult, and she was afraid she’d be in trouble. She was never scared before, and used to be Sam’s hero. Alexis remembers taking a drink.

Nina tells Jax, when they met, who she thought Sasha was, wasn’t who she really was. Jax says, if she wants help finding her real daughter, let him know. She asks him to stop trying to solve her problems. He doesn’t try to control her, and supports and bolsters her, but she spent a lot of time and effort learning how to stand on her own two feet, and count on herself. And she does for the most part. He says, absolutely; no question about that. She says, all of his offers to help and sweep her off her feet are super tempting, but it’s like being offered the best desert after every meal. She wants to say yes, but knows she’d wind up regretting it. So she only says yes on special occasions. He asks if they can make this a special occasion, but she says, it doesn’t seem special. He kisses her.

Chase tells Finn, remember last Thanksgiving, when he told Finn that Willow might be pregnant? He and Willow got to talking, and he realized Willow was practically ready to have a family. It freaked him out. Willow had Wiley in her life, but then she found out he wasn’t her biological son. He was terrified that losing both her son and Wiley would break her. Then she started hanging out with Michael and Wiley every waking moment. He knew Sasha was in the same boat, and they got to talking about what they could do about the situation. One thing led to another… Finn says, and they slept together. Chase says they swore it would never happen again, but it did, and it kept happening. When Sasha was with him, she was actually with him; it felt as if he had her full attention, and he knows she felt the same way. They got careless, and Willow walked in on them. And that, as they say, is that. It’s over. Finn says, wow. That has to be the biggest load of crap he’s ever heard. Does Chase want to tell him what really happened?

Lulu knows Laura is no pushover. What did Valentin say to convince her that he was putting Charlotte first? Laura tells her, it’s not so much what he said as the state he was in. He’s a good actor, and she’s a good judge of character. Losing Nina, Windymere, and his association with the Cassadines changed him. How could it not? Lulu says, it’s the same Valentin who shot Nikolas, and Laura says, the brother Lulu can’t forgive for surviving. Lulu tells her, stay on topic. Valentin would do anything for Charlotte, but to just walk away makes no sense. Laura says, maybe walking away is doing anything for Charlotte. Maybe he loves her that much.

Jax suggests he and Nina take the afternoon off, and go to his place. She looks at her desk, and he says, nothing but work there. He steers her face back to him, and says, nothing but fun here. Charlotte runs in, and yells at Jax to leave Nina alone. Nina asks how she got there, and charlotte says, Nina and her papa have to get back together, and she needs it to happen today.

Cyrus tells Jason, very perceptive, but the man on the roof is just a precaution in case Sonny has his own man on the opposite roof. Sonny says he has all the back-up he needs right there, and Cyrus says, of course (🍷), and waves his guy off. He asks Sonny, satisfied? He’d like to proceed with the negotiation. Sonny says he has an offer; take it or leave it. One time only.

Brando tells TJ, he ran into Molly at Kelly’s and she mentioned the hospital. He’s glad TJ is doing well. TJ thanks him for fixing the car. Sam comes in, and TJ asks if she brought her car in too. She says, no. She thought she’d do Molly a favor, and pick up her car. She’s assuming TJ beat her to it. She asks if everything is okay, and TJ says Brando just made himself a customer. He took care of Molly with a special deal. Sam says, really?

Lulu looks at a picture of Charlotte, and tells Laura, she never doubted Valentin’s love for Charlotte; it’s how he shows it. When his and Nina’s wedding went south, he snuck out with Charlotte. Laura say she’s not defending him, but they don’t know for certain Valentin was kidnapping Charlotte. He might have wanted to get her away from Windymere. Nikolas had come home to take the estate, and Valentin might have wanted to take Charlotte to a hotel. Lulu says, or disappear with her forever. Laura says they can keep reiterating the things he’s done wrong forever, but she has to admit, Valentin had a life-altering experience, and at least where Charlotte is concerned, he’s doing his best. Lulu says, when Valentin tries to come off as wise and compassionate, she starts counting the silverware. Laura says, all right. Let’s focus on the matter at hand. How are they going to tell Charlotte?

Nina hugs Charlotte, and Jax suggests he give them privacy, but Nina asks him to stay. Charlotte is growing up, and Nina thinks she can handle it. She tells Charlotte, she needs to understand that she and Jax care for one another. Charlotte says she and papa belong together, and Nina says she’ll always be Charlotte’s friend, but Jax is very important to her. He’s a good guy. Charlotte says papa is going to leave, and not fight for her anymore. He doesn’t want to see her. Jax says, of course (🍷) he wants to see her. Dads are forever.

Alexis tells Valentin, let’s just say she made a mistake. At the time, she didn’t think it was, so she tried to help someone, but might lose her law license. He says, that’s rough; he’s sorry. It’s not the end of the world though. She says, it feels like it, and he says he gets it, but she’s more than just a job. She says, when she thought they were related, she couldn’t stand him. But now that they’re not related, she almost likes him… whoever he is now. Who is he? He says he’d like to know that himself. His phone rings. It’s Nina, who asks how soon he can get to her office. He says he’s in the MetroCourt. What’s up? She says, it’s Charlotte. She’s upset, and needs her father. He asks if she’s all right, and Nina says, just get here. He tells Alexis, he has to go, and jets.

Chase says he just told Finn the whole story, and Finn says, it was a story, all right. A doozy. Chase says Finn is saying that to his face, and Finn says Chase’s face might as well have a sign that says, nice to meet you; I’m lying. There’s no way he’d cheat on Willow. Chase says he hates to let Finn down, but that’s what happened. He didn’t want to hurt Willow, but he had to face what he did. Finn says, they know he’s not the best with emotions, but he can see Chase loves Willow with all his heart, to the moon and back, and all the other clichés. Most days, Chase is a walking Valentine’s Day card, attached to a candy heart that says something embarrassing. Chase says, of course (🍷) he loves Willow, and Finn says, that’s why he’s not having an affair. Chase tells him, ask Willow. She walked in on them. Finn says, Willow saw what they wanted her to see. Why do that? Chase says, he doesn’t know, but it’s killing him inside. Finn suggests Chase drop the act, and tell him why he did the dumbest thing in his life, and pushed Willow away.

Molly tells Kristina, no more details about her love life. Kristina asks if she can offer some advice, and Molly says, no. Kristina tells her not to be so hard on herself. Molly says she gave up on TJ, but Kristina says, she’s not a bad person. Molly says, she’s a bad partner. She fell into bed with the first person who came along. Kristina says Molly isn’t psychic. For all she knew, TJ was having crazy, wild sex too. Molly asks if that’s supposed to make her feel better. Kristina says she’s trying, and Molly says she can rationalize until hell freezes over, but when it comes down to it, she knows what she has to do. She flashes back to TJ telling her, if their positions were reversed, he would have felt the same. She says he doesn’t have to be so nice to her, and he says his mom got texts she thought were from him. Of course (🍷) Molly thought he was icing her out, but they’re ok now. There’s nothing they can’t take back.

TJ asks if Sam wants to surprise Molly together, but she says she has something to discuss with Brando. TJ thanks Brando again, and leaves. Brando says, if this is about Kristina, he did his best to apologize. Sam says Kristina will forget about him like she forgot about Shiloh and DoD. He’s already given one of her sisters special treatment; isn’t it enough? She doesn’t know him, but she knows why he came there. He brought a lot of baggage, and she doesn’t want him to think he can drop it on Molly. Forget that night, and forget her. It never happened. Understood? Geez. Just a little heavy-handed.

Jax tells Charlotte, he doesn’t see Josslyn as much as he’d like, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s his daughter, or how much he loves her. There are no words to describe how much he loves her. He can guarantee Charlotte’s dad feels the same way. Charlotte asks, how? and he says, dads get a special handbook when their daughters are born, and it tells them that daughters are magical, mysterious creatures with special powers over their dads. Charlotte says, that’s not true, but he says she’ll see. Valentin comes in, and Charlotte runs to him. Jax tells Nina, call if she needs anything. Nina tells Valentin that Charlotte is afraid he doesn’t want her anymore. Valentin asks why she thinks that, and Charlotte says he doesn’t love her anymore.

Sonny tells Cyrus, he can live in Port Charles, but has to conduct his business elsewhere. He doesn’t move anything through Sonny’s territory, and doesn’t touch Sonny or his associates. Cyrus says Sonny has a large territory. That kind of deference could be expensive. Sonny says that’s not his problem, and Cyrus says, fine. Sonny has a deal. He holds out his hand, and after a beat, Sonny shakes it. Everyone gives soap opera looks at each other.

Lulu says, anything? and Laura says, Charlotte isn’t in the backyard. Lulu says she called Charlotte’s friends; where could she be? Laura says she’ll drive around the neighborhood, and Lulu says she’ll head to town. Maybe Charlotte went to Kelly’s. Nina calls, and Lulu says, it’s not a good time. Nina says, Charlotte is there at Crimson, and Lulu tells Laura, Charlotte is with Nina. Lulu asks if Charlotte is okay, and Nina says, physically, she’s fine, but she’s upset. Her father is with her. Lulu asks Nina to please keep her there; she’s on her way. She tells Laura, she has to go, and Laura asks her to tell Charlotte that she loves her.

Valentin kneels down, and asks Charlotte to listen. He loves her. How could she think he doesn’t? She says she heard her mom and grandma talking. They said he wanted to leave her. He says he could never ever want to leave her, but he doesn’t want her to make the same mistakes he did. He needs her to know the difference between right and wrong. She says she can’t learn without him. If he loves her, take her somewhere where they can be together. She knows he’s leaving. Please take her wherever he’s going. He leans his head on her, and she hugs him.

Jax sees Alexis, and she says, hey, stranger. He says it’s been too long since he’s reached out, and she says, her too. He says they have to change that. He needs her level head, and she says, it’s funny that he thinks she’s level-headed. What’s the problem? He says he left Valentin alone with Nina and Charlotte. He’s hoping it’s not a mistake. She says Valentin was there when he got a phone call, and ran off. Everything okay? He says, something is going on. He wishes he knew what it was. Charlotte was afraid Valentin was going to leave her. She says, apparently, he made a decision about his future. His life as he knew it was knocked off course, and he wants to do right by Charlotte, even if he has to suffer.

Chase says, Finn doesn’t believe him? Finn says he laid it on thicker than hot fudge at a sundae bar. Chase says he’s stubborn and a pain in the ass, and Finn says, sounds like him, but nothing Chase is saying sounds remotely like him. Chase says, if he tells Finn, promise him it will stay between them. Finn says, absolutely, as long as it’s the truth. Chase says Finn is right. He didn’t cheat on Willow. He needed her to think he did so she’d marry Michael.

Kristina says, Molly can’t leave until she tells Kristina what she’s decided to do. Molly says she’s not asking permission. It’s something she needs to do for herself. She needs to be completely honest, and tell TJ everything.

Brando tells Sam, he didn’t even know Molly had a boyfriend until afterward; not that it’s any of her business. She says he made it her business when he slept with her sister. My Lord. I’m glad my sister isn’t up my rear end like this. Brando says she’s a big girl, and they didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do. She asks what he wants, and he says, to run his garage, if she’ll let him. She says, if he tries to make trouble for Molly, he’ll be in a world of trouble with her.

Cyrus and Not-Jason go into the MetroCourt. Cyrus says, it’s nice to end the day in a place where he was unceremoniously expelled. A place he doesn’t need any permission to be. It was too easy. Sonny thinks he’ll lower his guard, and go in for the kill. Unfortunately, he doesn’t play by Sonny’s rules. Not-Jason asks where Cyrus is going to start, and Cyrus says, by getting rid of Jason.

Jason tells Sonny, Cyrus and his bodyguard are at the MetroCourt. Sonny says, he doesn’t waste time, and Jason wonders, why let him? Sonny says, it seems all cozy and soft. He’ll let Cyrus play house, and when Cyrus starts looking at Sonny out of the corner of his eye, it will be time for him to take Cyrus out.

Tomorrow, TJ walks in on Kristina and Molly talking, Nina tells Lulu to give Valentin a chance, Finn tells Chase to fix this, and Nelle wants to apologize to Willow.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi comes home, and tells Beau that she’s sorry. She’s an a-hole. She shouldn’t have gotten mad at him. It was misdirected anger. In Stassi’s interview, she says she left the wine party by herself. Lala was calling and Katie was texting, telling her that she was being ridiculous. When she got home, she realized she was the a-hole. She shows Beau some boxes of mac and cheese, and says it’s the only thing she can’t screw up. In Beau’s interview, he says he could have avoided last night’s fight if he’d told Stassi that he was proposing, but it would have ruined everything he’s been planning for the last six or seven months. He wants everything to be perfect. She asks if he still wants to go mausoleum shopping; it will be fun. He says, of course, and she says she thought he might cancel. That’s why she made the mac and cheese. She tells him, it’s death time.

At SUR, Danica shows Peter some socks she’s gotten for the softball game. She’s excited. In her interview, she says, not only will they get sweet, sweet bragging rights, but she can put Max in his place. We flash back to when he kicked her out of TomTom.

Tom pretends to use the hand-held vacuum cleaner as a laser sword. Schwartz comes by, and says he doesn’t want them to get furniture. Ariana says she’s thinking of having yoga classes at the house. Tom tells Schwartz that James is coming over to play with them. Ariana says, the big game is tomorrow. She’s playing, but she’ll be bad. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s playing for TomTom, even though she works at SUR. She’s competitive, and Tom doesn’t want her to be on the other team. James arrives, and tells them, Raquel is playing for SUR. It’s on now. In his interview, he says he’s from London. They don’t play softball, and the closest thing they have must be cricket, but if Tom can play, he’s sure he can. They go in the backyard, and James tells them he’s been sober for nearly a month; 28 days. When he does a show, and comes off the stage, he feels all of it. In Tom’s interview, he says, James thought he had to be drunk to be James Kennedy. Now he’s a better version of himself. They practice some ball.

Beau drives to the Hollywood Cemetery. In Stassi’s interview, she says if they buy a mausoleum, Beau has to propose. It’s a gorgeous place, with a lake that has swans, and Stassi tells him, this is where they’re going to be buried. In her interview, she says it’s the perfect way to ensure Beau is committing to a lifetime and afterlifetime. Till death do us not part. She says she loves the vintage writing, and he tells her, that’s Latin. She says he’ll be glad if she dies tomorrow. He’ll be free to mourn, and live out his lonely life for the rest of his life, since he’s not going to date. In Beau’s interview, he says Stassi is in her element, and he’s terrified. His best friend Rob put the ring there. He can’t see Rob or the ring, and he’s panicking, worrying that it might have gotten stolen. It’s the beginning of their life together, and he wants to impress her. They sit on a bench, and he asks what that is on  the ground. Stassi wonders if it’s a bell for dead people, and Beau picks it up. He looks inside, but Stassi doesn’t think he should touch it.

He says he loves her so much. She literally turned his world upside down, in the best way possible. There’s nobody else he’d want to spend the rest of his life with. He asks her to marry him, and in between oh-my-Gods, she says, yes. He puts the ring on her, and they kiss. She says, we’re engaged, MF’ers. She says he told her that they wouldn’t be getting married this year, and he says she was supposed to be surprised. It’s what you’re supposed to do. He explains that the ring is a family heirloom, and she says she feels like a part of history; it’s perfect for her. In Beau’s interview, he says they’ve grown a lot as a couple. We flash back to some of their moments, and he says, there have been bad times, but that’s behind them. He’s excited thinking about the future. We flash back to Stassi telling him that she loves him more than ranch dressing. He says, now that they’re fiancés, he wonders if Stassi will get upset if he slips and calls her his girlfriend. He tells her, Lisa offered her home for a party, and she’s going to cook. Katie and Schwartz helped with the whole thing. She says that’s probably why Katie was torturing her. She calls Katie, who screams into the phone when she answers. Lala is there, and says she’s freaking TF out. They tell Stassi how hard it was to keep it from her. Stassi tells Katie, she so mean, and she was wondering why. Katie jokes that she was okay with being mean, and Stassi says she’s so happy, she can’t think straight. Everyone is thrilled. Beau tells Stassi, fiancé sounds bougie, and she says she feels bougie. Everyone is going to be jelly. It’s the best day of her life.

Lisa puts the finishing touches on the party. She tells Ken that she needs him to get ready too. Puffy! Lala and Katie get to Villa Rosa first, and Lala says she thinks it’s better than Christmas. Lisa asks if Lala is wearing anything underneath her dress, and Lala moons her in response. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Villa Rosa is not clothing optional. For the most part, when employees are at her house, she likes them to be fully dressed. News of the engagement spreads like wildfire through the restaurants, and Katie says she texted everyone after Beau proposed. In her interview, Katie says, after Beau proposed, she sent everyone a text to come to the party. Lisa asks about Kristen, and Katie explains what happened with Beau the night before. Lisa asks if Stassi would be upset if Kristen came to the party, and Katie says she would. She needs a break. Lisa says she feels sympathy toward Kristen, which isn’t her normal stance, but she introduced Stassi to Beau. Lala says she was hoping to call Kristen, and handle it. At some point, Kristen needs to look in the mirror, and ask herself what she’s doing.

Kristen teaches her dogs the stay command. They do a million times better than mine. In Kristen’s interview, she says she and Stassi used to tell each other everything, and to find out Stassi is engaged on social media sucks. Where there’s an engagement, there’s an engagement party, and there’s a pretty good chance she’s not invited. Lala calls, and Kristen says she already knows Stassi is engaged, already knows there’s a party, and already knows she’s not welcome at the party. She hopes they have fun. Lala says she knows Kristen was fully coming. Lisa knew, but then things went south last night. Kristen says just because she asked Beau if they were still friends? and Lala says, it’s a weird question. A thirty-six year old doesn’t ask if we’re still friends. He’s Stassi’s fiancé. Kristen asks if this is why Lala called, and Lala says she called to check in with Kristen, but she brought it up. Lala tells her, have a good night. After she hangs up, Lala says, so annoying.

Stassi calls her dad from the car, and says she’s engaged. He says, to who? Beau says they’ll come to New Orleans to see him soon. He asks Stassi if he should call her dad pop now. He asks if Kristen texted, but Stassi says, no. He thinks she was definitely trying to see if she should come to the party . Stassi gets it, but doesn’t want to share this moment with Kristen. In Stassi’s interview, she says she wants to celebrate this incredible day with the people she loves, who don’t stress her out. Beau says he got a text from Carter, and Stassi tells him to send it. She reads, don’t forget to thank Kristen. She made it happen, and now he and Stassi treat her like sh*t. It’s some cold-blooded sh*t. Stassi says, so her first order of business should be to text Kristen. This is why she doesn’t like them.

Everyone trickles in to the party. Literally everyone, except for Kristen. Ariana tells Schwartz, she didn’t eat all day because she was so excited about the dinner he was preparing. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, in order to make sure everyone was available, and without spoiling the surprise, he had to come up with a diversion. We see a clip of him telling Tom and Ariana about a seven-course dinner that he’s making, to stimulate the senses. Ariana says, it’s not happening, is it? Tom says he’s never trusting Schwartz again. He said they were getting individual iron skillets. Schwartz says he doesn’t know why he was so specific; it was unnecessary. In Lisa’s interview, Lisa says Stassi now knows about the party, but she doesn’t know her family is surprising her. She has Mark, Dana, Nikolai, and some others hide. Stassi and Beau arrive, and Stassi shows Lisa the ring. Lisa says, it’s beautiful. Beau did a good job; better than she could imagine. Lisa knows it’s a lot to take in. She tells Stassi, the big surprise is about to get better, and her family comes out. In Stassi’s interview, she says to see her whole family there, she’s shook. Her dad lives in New Orleans, and her mom lives in Arrowhead. It’s rare to have her whole family together at once. It couldn’t be more special. Beau says, no more lies; that’s it. Stassi cries, while hugging everyone. In Katie’s interview, she says, Stassi looks so happy; it’s so incredible. But she thought, where’s Stassi’s other outfit? She told her to wear something else; her ghost outfit. The favorite dress you want to wear as a ghost. Ooh, I like that idea. She tells Stassi that she had anxiety about the ring bouncing around. Lisa asks, who’s hungry? and tells them to sit for dinner. She leads Stassi to the head of the table – Puffy! – and says she doesn’t know how this happened; her waiting on Stassi. It’s a one-time thing. The service Stassi should have given the customers over the years. In Brittany’s interview, she says Jax put together a beautiful party after their engagement. A surprise at her apartment was cool and all, but if he’d had the party at Villa Rosa, she would have been fine with that. Stassi feels like it’s sci/fi; everything is coming over her. Lisa tells her, don’t turn into a bridezilla.

Lisa tells Stassi and Beau to love each other, and treat each other with the utmost respect. It’s worth it. Ariana tells Tom, she’s sitting next to Kristen’s empty seat. It’s like the ghost of Kristen is haunting the dinner table. In her interview, she says she can feel Kristen’s energy. She can’t hear, and she’s complaining about her tiny ear drums. It’s hard not to miss her. Jax feels like Carter sent the text to get brownie points with Kristen. In his interview, he says he sees through that bullsh*t. Scheana asks Nikolai what he thinks of Beau, and Nikolai says he’s good for Stassi. Scheana says she can’t believe how much he’s grown, and starts to creep me out. She asks if he has a girlfriend, but he says, no. She says, what about when he gets to high school? and he says, probably. In Scheana’s interview, she says, twenty-one is the youngest she’ll hook up with. She doesn’t want to date any younger. Please don’t tell me the thought was even in her head. Consider me officially creeped out. He’s like fifteen. Beau and Stassi stroll the grounds, and Beau points out the lemon trees, and the swans. Stassi says it’s the happiest day of her life, and he says, his too. She says they have so much to look forward to. This will be theirs one day. In her interview, Stassi says it makes her gag when she hears it, but she truly is the luckiest girl in the world. She’s so happy. She thanks Beau.

Brett goes out for his break. The girls are outside, and Charli says she’s never had the pasta there. Dayna says, don’t; it’s a slippery slope. Charli says she barely tried the spaghetti at Olive Garden. I have news for her, Olive Garden and SUR are worlds apart. Brett comes out, and Raquel and Charli get up. He asks if he smells, and Raquel says if he’s on break, that means they have to go back. When they’re alone, Dayna tells him that she wishes she’d met him before she met Max. Max is a kid, and she and Brett have deep conversations. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Brett is an effing man. When Max would hug her, she felt like she might break his arms. She says Max will always need something new and shiny. She would have been in his rear view in five minutes. He’s going to run out of women to date, since he’s been overfishing. In Brett’s interview, he says Dayna wants commitment, and Max is scratching the surface of being a sex addict. He tells Dayna, he’s hitting a home run tomorrow.

Stassi wonders if the dogs know she and Beau are engaged. She tells him that she was thinking about a small, intimate, romantic wedding in Italy. He can’t believe she’s already thinking about it, and she says, Italy is romantic and fun, the food is great, and she loves the people and the atmosphere. She loves everything about it. He asks if she doesn’t want to enjoy this part, and she says, part of enjoying this part is the planning. In her interview, she says once she got the ring, she turned into a terrorist. The world is her effing oyster because of this. She shows us the ring. She tells Beau that he doesn’t have to help her plan it. She doesn’t want him to worry his pretty head. He asks who is she? and she says she’s a bride demon. It’s going to be exciting.

Jax brings his lawn mower to Kristen’s house. In his interview, he says he enjoys cutting the grass. It’s therapeutic. He cuts his own grass, his neighbor’s grass, the grass of people who don’t know who he is. It reminds him of his dad showing him how to do it. Brittany tells Kristen, Jax brought the lawn mower, the weed whacker, and the leaf blower. He informs us that Kristen has Kentucky bluegrass. Brittany asks if Kristen is okay about yesterday, and Kristen says, no. She didn’t want to see anyone. Carter picked up the dogs. She doesn’t want them to be around her when she’s sad. In Kristen’s interview, she says they’re her emotional support animals, but she thinks it bums them out if she’s not playing with them, and just in bed crying. She tells Brittany, she wishes someone had called her first. Lala went off on her, and she was crying, and called Carter. Brittany tells her that Carter texted Beau. Jax comes in, and Brittany tells him to read the text. In her interview, Kristen says, Carter is the one person to stand up for her. She swooned a little bit (what? who says that?), but the timing is a bit poor. Brittany says it’s not Kristen’s fault, but Kristen says it will end up being her fault like everything else. Does she ever watch herself on this show?

The SUR and TomTom teams warm up on the ballfield. Katie tells Schwartz, she doesn’t enjoy softball. She doesn’t like balls flying at her. In her interview, Katie says, she’s being a good wife. This is what you do when you’re married; play softball. In Tom’s interview, he says, team TomTom is ready. He’s the most experienced captain, they have the most experienced players, and DJ James Kennedy. He feels good about their chances. He chose black for their uniforms, because it hides dirt, it’s slimming, and looks good. SUR chose it for the same reasons. In Danica’s interview, she says, they’re taking TomTom TF down. She and Brett are team captains, and SUR is super athletic. They’re not cleaning TomTom’s damn bathroom. Lisa says, let’s get the game started. They’re playing nice, right? They say, no, and in Lisa’s interview, she says she’s on board with team building exercises. Not so much their extracurricular activities. If they hit a home run, let them do it on the field rather than the bedroom.

In her interview, Scheana says she’s been playing baseball since she was seven, and continued through high school. Her great aunt Shirley was in the Rockford Peaches, the team that A League of Their Own was based on. And she can pitch with these nails just fine. James sits next to Katie, and says he was surprised he was invited. She says, her too, and he says he hasn’t been drinking for a month. He’s been going to meetings, and working to change his attitude on life. Part of that is how he’s treating people, and how disgusting he was. In James’s interview, he says, the steps are part of his sobriety, and making amends to people he’s wronged. Katie is pretty high on the list. We flash back to several examples of that. She asks if this is the last apology, and he says, it really is. She says she appreciates it. In Katie’s interview, she says, she’s not cold-blooded. She feels he’s spent time thinking about the things he’s said and done, so she accepts it. She tells him that she’s proud of him.

In Charli’s interview, she says she played softball through high school, and she’s competitive. Probably because she didn’t have a dad. Just kidding. Hmm… that’s actually not all that funny, and makes me wonder about her. Brett says he’s going to make Lisa proud, and she says he doesn’t need to impress her. Brittany laughs about Katie eating sunflower seeds and drinking soda out on the field. Jax calls Tom a big baby, and in his interview, says, there’s no way Tom knows enough about softball to be the rules police. If he wanted bronzer for his calves, Tom would be the one to ask, but he doesn’t know anything about softball. He yells that he wouldn’t trade Raquel for Tom. No offense. Raquel says he hasn’t even seen her play. In her interview, Raquel says, you don’t know what competitive means until you’re in the pageant circuit.

Raquel gets a home run, and Tom says they can still make a comeback. SUR wins, and they chant, clean our bathroom. In Tom’s interview, he says, it’s going to suck cleaning their toilet. Schwartz says the joke’s on them. He likes cleaning bathrooms.

Next time, Brett feels violated after being in Scheana’s music video, Jax tells Kristen that she’s angry all the time, Kristen says Jax is delusional, and Brittany doesn’t want Jax circling back to his old ways.

😳 I’m Not Alone…

Apparently, Scheana creeped out a few people.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian visits Lushion’s office, and says they have to talk. The DA came to see Larry. She said Carl called, and claimed he had information that could exonerate Kelly. Lushion asks if that isn’t what he’s supposed to do, and Ian says, Larry needs to know exactly what it is, but Carl isn’t answering his phone. Lushion asks what the problem is with Carl doing what he’s supposed to. Ian says, if he brags, it could be bad for Kelly. He’ll check the courthouse. He tells Lushion, if he finds Carl, let him know. Lushion says he has to talk to Ian about something else, but now isn’t the right time. Ian says, now he’s curious, and Lushion says, Ian and Alex. Ian says, what about them?

Ian doesn’t know what Lushion is talking about. He starts to leave, but comes back. He asks why Lushion was asking about him and Alex. Did she talk to him? Lushion looks at the floor. Ian asks if she filed a complaint, and says he knew it. He swears it was consensual sex; she’s way off her rocker. Lushion has to believe him. He asks if she’s saying he raped her, and Lushion says, just tell him what happened. Ian says Alex came over and got drunk. The next morning, she said he took advantage of her, and drugged her. Lushion says, did he? and Ian says, no. She finally remembered that she came on to him. Lushion has to believe him. Lushion says he does, and Ian asks if he’s getting arrested. Lushion says, no. Alex didn’t come in there. Ian asks why he said all this, and Lushion says Ian volunteered the information. Ian says, that’s low down, and Lushion says, Ian does it every day in court. If Ian thinks she might press charges, they should talk about it. He’s the only one who’s got Ian; he saw him having sex on the stairs with Alex through the window. She was fully engaged, and didn’t look out of it. Ian thanks Lushion, and suggests he talk to Alex, but Lushion says she has to come to him. Relax. Go find Carl. Ian thanks Lushion again, and leaves.

Marcie tells Brad, it might not be the worst thing. This way, he can raise his kids. He says she can’t be serious. There’s no way Alex would walk out on the kids. Marcie says he didn’t think she was this person either. He needs to talk to a lawyer immediately. She knows he can get custody with her acting like this. He’ll have to call Larry. He’s a weirdo, but he’s a good lawyer. He asks if Ian isn’t her boyfriend, and she says, apparently, he’s Alex’s. She says she can stay there, and have someone else show the house, but he says, that’s okay. He’ll stay with the baby. She says, it’s been a lot. He didn’t know who the father was, and had thought it was his kid. He says that won’t stop him from helping an innocent baby, and she says that’s why she loves him. He’s a good man. He says he loves her too. Go to work; sell the house. She leaves, and he sits back. The baby cries.

As Marcie crosses the street to her car, Randal says, hey there. She says, damn. He needs a job. He asks if she’s living there with Brad, and calls her a slut. She says, that would be his mistress. Did he see what was online? How does it make him feel? He says, glad he’s not with Marcie, and she says she’s got a wedding to plan. He laughs, and she says, it’s happening. He promises she’ll never walk down the aisle. She asks if that’s a threat, and he says she knows it is. She says he doesn’t scare her, but he says he thinks he does. She slaps his forehead, and asks if she looks scared. He says, they’re assaulting each other? and she says, please do. He says he’s got her, and she says, not anymore. Brad’s got her now. Come on. Hit her, so she can scream Brad’s name, like she does every night. It’s too much for him to handle. He says he’s way better at this than she is, and she says she’s going to have a baby; the one he thought was his. Wouldn’t it be funny if she and Brad raised the baby together? That crazy bitch left. She said Brad could have the kids. He laughs, and she asks if he thinks it’s funny. He says, very funny. See how crazy he made her ass? He says he’ll see her soon, and she says, every day she’ll be there. She drives away.

Dr. Raston says she wasn’t expecting to see Alex. Is she okay? Alex says, no and yes, and the doctor asks, what’s going on? Alex says she needs to get birth control pills, and she wants to schedule a tubal ligation. Dr. Raston says, she’s done with kids? and Alex says, yeah; all of them. She left Brad, and she’s giving him the kids. The doctor asks, what about the baby? and Alex says, him too. Dr. Raston asks if she’s been drinking, and Alex says, everything she can get her hands on. The doctor asks if they can talk, and Alex says, about birth control? The doctor says, first, why does Alex need them? Alex says, so she can live her life, and be free in the moment. Dr. Raston says, they won’t protect her from HIV or STDs, but Alex says she can get condoms. Dr. Raston tells her to slow down; she’s worried. Alex says she’s fine. Give her what she needs, and she can go. The doctor tells her, wait there.

In the hallway, Dr. Raston calls Brad. She asks if everything is okay; Alex is there. She knows things are difficult, but Alex isn’t herself. He says, that’s who Alex is. Did Alex tells her that she’s been online, dating lots of different men? The doctor says she didn’t know that, and he says the Alex in front of her is the real Alex. He’s been dealing with a liar and an imposter for some time, and doesn’t want to deal with it right now. The doctor apologizes, and goes back into the examining room. She gives Alex a sample card of pills from the case, and Alex says, if they were there the whole time, why did she have to leave? Did she need to call Brad? Dr. Raston says she’s concerned, but Alex says she shouldn’t be. He doesn’t care anyway. The doctor asks if she can call Alex, and Alex says she can try.

Alex sees two guys coming into the waiting room, one supporting the other. She asks, what happened? and the limping guy says he was in a fight with a bull. He got roughed up. She says it sounds like the place she wants to be, and he tells her to go to the cowboy bar on Highway 65. She says, maybe she’ll go there right now, and he says when he gets patched up, he can bring her. She says, how about if she meets him there? He looks good in those jeans. He’s her kind of man. He asks, what kind is that? and she says, a man.

Ian goes into Larry’s office, and Larry asks if he found Carl. Ian says, not yet, and Larry says, Carl is a public defender; it’s not that hard. Ian says he’s on it, and asks, what’s going on? Larry says he’s hearing things about the Cain case. If he’s not mistaken, Ian was helping Kelly before. Ian says his loyalty is to the firm. Is Larry questioning that? Is he questioning Ian’s integrity? Larry says, Ian is a lawyer. He has no integrity. He hopes he doesn’t find out Ian is lying. Ian asks if Larry is threatening him, and Larry says he is. That’s all for now.

Alex goes to the cowboy bar, where apparently, they serve drinks in Solo cups. She tells the bartender that she’s divorced, and needs another drink. He asks if she wants his special. It’s called, I just got divorced. She asks if he wants to do a shot with her, and he says he’s working. She says, come on, and he says he guesses the boss won’t mind too much. She tells him, make her two. Tiny Solo cups! I’ve never seen those before. They do the shots, and she gives him a credit card, telling him put everything on there. It’s her ex-husband’s; he doesn’t know she has it. He says, how about champagne? and she says, okay. Champagne for everybody. He says, there are only about nine people, but hey, and she says, champagne and a round of drinks. She asks if the mechanical bull works; she wants to ride It. He asks if she knows how, and she says, sure. He asks if she likes riding, and she says she loves it. Stop flirting with her. He says he’s not, and she says he is cute. He thanks her, and she says she has a friend she thinks he’s going to like; a gorgeous Latin girl, Esperanza. She’s going to call her. Maybe they can ride the bull together, but first, shots.

Randal sits all pissed off, looking at his phone and his laptop. He closes the laptop, and says, you think you’re slick. Got you, bitch. He makes a call.

The bartender asks Alex what they’re cheersing to, and she says her divorce. They do a shot, and her phone rings. She laughs, and says, perfect timing. Randal says she was a whore online, screwing all these guys. She says, they swiped right, or left. Whatever; they swiped. He asks if she’s drunk, and she says, yep. She says they need to talk, and he asks, what’s wrong with her? She tells him that he needs to get a sling; it’s going to help him a lot. He says she’s drunk as hell. What is she talking about? She says she’s just trying to help, so he won’t be so curved. His little member is like a little banana. It’s not that fun, to be honest. I nearly die laughing. She doesn’t understand. Is that normal? She asks the bartender if he’s curved, and he says he’s whatever she wants him to be. She tells Randal, in all seriousness, they need to talk. She never loved him. He tells her, that’s not what she said in the shed. She says, the shed. That was just for fun, like the others. He asks, how many? and she says, a lot. He asks where she is, and she says, at the cowboy bar. It’s so fun. He tells her, stay there; he’s coming down. She says, good. Bring his wallet. She just had a brilliant idea. Invent a curved condom. He’d make so much money. He says he’ll see her later, and she calls Esperanza.

Alex asks where Esperanza is, and Esperanza says, at work. Alex says, guess where she is? and Esperanza says she doesn’t know, but it’s loud. Alex says she’s at the cowboy bar, and she’s going to ride a mechanical bull. Esperanza asks if she’s drunk, and why is she at a bar in the middle of the afternoon? Alex says she’s about to ride the bull like nobody’s business, and hangs up. Steven asks, what’s up? and Esperanza says, Alex. She’s at a bar, drunk. Steven says, in the middle of the day? It’s a little strange. Esperanza asks if Eddie is out, and he says, yeah, but it’s okay. He’s there. She calls Natalie.

Natalie is sweeping up at the burger place. Esperanza asks if she’s talked to Alex, but she says, no. Esperanza says, Alex called her, drunk at a bar. Natalie says, she’s going through it, girl. She signed the divorce papers. Esperanza says, that would explain a lot. She didn’t sound good. She’s going over there to check on Alex. Natalie says, pick her up, and she’ll go with her. Esperanza says she’ll see Steven later.

Kelly calls for Lushion from her cell. Steven comes by, and Kelly says, Eddie took her Bible. He doesn’t understand, and she tells him to get Lushion. Please. She needs him right now. He says, okay; relax. He’ll get Lushion. He tells Lushion, Kelly needs to talk to him. She’s yelling about Eddie stealing her Bible. Lushion jumps up, and goes to Kelly’s cell. Kelly is crying, and says Eddie took her bible. Lushion asks, how? and she says, he came into her cell. She sobs, and he tells her that he’ll take care of it. Man, I need a Lushion in my life.

Alex rides the bull, which isn’t exactly on high speed. Natalie and Esperanza come in, and Esperanza tells her, come down. She says, Johnny, a round of drinks, but Esperanza says, no drinks. They help Alex down, and she hugs them. She says she’s drunk, and Natalie says they know that. Alex says Johnny is giving her a job; she’s going to be a waitress. Natalie says, she needs a job? and Alex says, now that she’s divorced, she needs to be free. Natalie says, she can’t be too free. She’s got kids. Alex says, pfft! Brad will take care of the kids, and Esperanza says she’s just going to give Brad custody? Alex says, yeah, but Esperanza says she doesn’t mean that. Alex says she does, and Esperanza says they have to get her home. Alex says, her home is with him. Johnny smiles, and Alex says, he lives upstairs. She’s spent her whole life doing what everyone else wanted. Now it’s her turn. She’s had enough. Esperanza tells her, look at herself, and Alex says, she’s happy for once? Esperanza says she looks miserable, but Alex says she feels happy, and she’s not going anywhere. Esperanza says she has a family; she has to go back. Natalie says, divorce is hard. When she sobers up, she’ll see what she was thinking. Alex says, no she won’t, and Natalie says she has three kids who love and need her, but Alex says Brad is a better person and parent than she could be. He  never cheated; not once. He’s going raise them right. She doesn’t deserve them. Esperanza asks if this is about guilt, and Alex says, no. Natalie asks what it is then, and Alex asks if Natalie knows how many men she’s been with. More than Esperanza, and that’s a lot. Esperanza is like, hey, and Alex says, they all know. She’s not going back to that life. She’s going to stay there with the tall sexy cowboy. She’s going to get a job and live there, and be a waitress. Natalie says, they’re going, and Esperanza says, all right. She gives up. Natalie says Alex has their numbers. Alex says, at least ride the bull once. Fire this puppy up. Alex gets on the bull again, and Esperanza asks, what if she hurts herself? and Natalie says she can’t stay there forever. They head for the door, and Alex yells, yeehaw, bitches!

On the phone, Lushion tells Rick, he’ll see him at three. He goes into the locker room, and Eddie is there. Lushion asks where the Bible is, and Eddie says, what he calls contraband? Lushion says, dammit, Eddie, and Eddie says, watch out. God is going to get him. He doesn’t know what Lushion is talking about. Lushion slams Eddie up against the lockers, and Eddie says, there’s the Lushion he knows. He says it’s in his locker, and Lushion says, get it. Eddie gives Lushion the Bible, and Lushion flips through it. No surprise, the photos are no longer there. Lushion asks where the pictures are, and Eddie says he flushed them. Does Lushion need them for something? Lushion says he’ll see Eddie back at the station. When he’s gone, Eddie makes a call, and asks for sugar britches. He gets silence, and says, sweet t*ts? The operator says, there’s no one here by that name, and he says, Larry. Put that little lady on the phone.

Larry’s secretary says, a very rude man is on the phone for him, and Larry says, what else is new? She tells him, he said his name was Eddie, and Larry says, it makes perfect sense. Put him through. He asks what he can do for Eddie, and Eddie says, get $200K from the good reverend. He has information about some women he might find interesting. Larry doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have this conversation on the phone, and Eddie says he’ll come there. Larry says, make his day, and Eddie says he’d better have the money. Larry says Eddie will have to show what he has first, and Eddie says he’s on his way. Larry tells him, wear something low cut and tight. He’ll see Eddie soon. Eddie hangs up, and says, freaky mother better have my money.

Brad calls babysitter Chelsea, and leaves a message. He thanks her for staying late, and apologizes. He says he was wondering if she’s free this afternoon around three, and to call him back. He looks in the crib and says, the baby is sleeping; good. He has no idea all this craziness is around him. He touches the baby, and says, he’s not breathing. He leans in, and says, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Next time, Brad tells Natalie and Esperanza, the baby isn’t breathing; Eddie brings the pictures to Larry; Kelly feels like a caged animal; Randal shows up at the cowboy bar, and Johnny draws a gun on him.

🤸🏻‍♀️  Hanging In(side)…

Another long night under my belt, and another day of self-isolation under (almost) everyone’s belt. An expanding belt if we all don’t lay off those cookies/pies/mashed potatoes/whatever your comfort food is. I hope you’ve been using the time wisely, like binge watching the early seasons of Below Deck or learning how to make the perfect Pinterest fail. While not much changed for me, I’ll be glad to see paper towels again. Stay safe, stay chill, and if you see something, say something. Oh, wait. Wrong crisis.

April 21, 2020 – Jason Cancels the Meeting, the Witches Launch a Potion, Alex’s Secret Is Out & Queen Prophecy


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Well, I was here on time, but ABC wasn’t. The governor was talking, and the finally showed an alternate channel. Once again, I scramble for the remote. I didn’t miss much. The main thing is Willow walking in on Sasha and Chase. Sasha has apparently jetted to the bedroom while Willow confronts her boyfriend. Cyrus has also come into Charlie’s.

At the Metro Court, Lulu tells Laura, Charlotte doesn’t see Valentin for who he is or what he does.

Valentin asks Charlotte if she knows what exaggeration is. She says, it’s kind of a lie, and Valentin says he doesn’t care for Ava, but it would be an exaggeration to say she was his enemy. She says it’s not what he said; it’s what he did.

Josslyn walks into the hospital, and Michael asks what she’s doing there. She says, Tony brought her after volleyball practice. She heard Wiley has to stay another night, so she brought Michael a snack that’s healthy and nutritious. She hands him a smoothie, and says, it’s blueberries with a protein boost. He asks if she’s sure; she likes to add things like seaweed. She swears it’s just fresh fruit and almond milk, and he says he’s trusting her. He takes a sip, and says, it’s good. She says she’s also there to show her support, and asks if he’s nervous about the custody hearing. He asks if she wants the truth, and she says, no, cover for her, like he did when she was little. He says he feels like he made a big mistake. He pushed Diane for an early hearing date. Now he wishes he’d put it off as long as possible.

Chase tells Willow, no one was supposed to get hurt. She doesn’t know what to say, and he says, sorry. Does she think he wanted that to happen? She asks why it did, and he says it was supposed to be them in love. None of this was supposed to happen. She asks how it did then. How did it go from two people so in love? He says it was two people in love, and then it was him in love with her, and her totally focused on Wiley.

Michael says he’s freaked out, and Josslyn says, Wiley just had surgery, but he says he’s still freaked out. Josslyn says it was terrifying, but Wiley got through it fine. Michael says that’s because their mom forged Nelle’s signature, and locked Nelle on the roof. She says, go, mom, and he asks if she would have done the same. She says, of course (🍷). Wiley needed the surgery to be more comfortable, and to improve his quality of life. The doctors also got a more accurate picture of his prognosis. A night on the roof is kinder than Nelle deserves. He asks if it ever scares Josslyn how much she’s like their mom, and she says he’s scarier than the both of them put together. She and Carly react in the moment, and think on their feet. They take big, and seemingly stupid, chances; sometimes they pay off, sometimes they don’t. They’re improvisors, but he thinks in advance. He convinces people that he’s a pushover, while he finds their weak spots, and plans a strategy. He says, what good is a strategy if he can’t follow it? and she asks what strategy he’s talking about.

Carly tells Jason, he needs to make the meeting, but Jason says Sonny wants him there. She says the place is like a fortress. Him being there won’t make a difference, and Sonny can’t think straight right now. He says, all the more reason to do what Sonny wants.

Cyrus tells Julian, Charlie’s is a quaint place; it has personality and charm. Julian says the previous owner had no sense of character, and Cyrus says he heard Charlie was a character himself; a bit of a player. Julian says he wouldn’t know, and Cyrus is surprised. He was under the impression that Charlie and Julian were in the same business. Julian’s reputation precedes him. Julian says, as does Cyrus’s. He’s heard a lot about Cyrus. Cyrus says, then Julian knows he was exonerated. Julian says he read the evidence was fabricated, but he didn’t read the word exoneration. Cyrus says, fake news, and Julian says he’s sure Cyrus is well aware he was in the media game. Fake news is a very specific thing, not just a story where the facts aren’t straight, and it’s not a lie. It’s disinformation created to cause outrage and skew public opinion. Is Cyrus saying he’s the target of a smear campaign? Cyrus says, it’s quite a burden to carry the weight of falsehood brought about by another. Julian says he knows all about that.

Laura says she thought Lulu was going to have an open mind when she encouraged Valentin to visit. Lulu says she already regrets it. She can’t ask Valentin to leave or Charlotte will be upset. Laura says Lulu has to practice tolerance, but Lulu says, it has its limits. She gave Maxie her blessing about working at Deception, but Maxie would have convinced herself it would work out even if Valentin threatened to bring back poodle skirts. I fail to see how that’s a bad thing, but okay. Laura says, Valentin is part of Maxie’s life and Lulu has accepted it. Does she think she can do the same thing with Charlotte?

Valentin asks what Charlotte thinks he did, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. He says she obviously thinks he did a bad thing, and she says she saw him. He says, saw him what? and she says she saw what he did to Ava. She saw him push Ava off the roof.

Laura asks Lulu to discuss the situation. The arrangement they have is working for Charlotte. Lulu says, it’s not working for her. Valentin shot Nikolas. He survived, but it was no thanks to Valentin. Valentin is a liar and a manipulator, and spoils Charlotte rotten. He indulges Charlotte’s worse impulses. She doesn’t understand why Laura is advocating for him. Laura says, she’s not, and Lulu knows it. Lulu asks what she calls it then, and Laura says she’d call it advocating for Charlotte.

Valentin doesn’t know what Charlotte thought she saw, but she’s mistaken. She tells him, don’t lie to her. She came outside to show her mommy the moon, and saw Ava. She saw him grab Ava’s arm. Ava backed up, he pushed her, and she fell. Valentin asks why she didn’t say something before, and she says she didn’t want him to worry. She didn’t want to let it get in the way of his happily ever after. They deserve to be together. She, Valentin, and Nina deserve to be a family.

Willow asks Chase how this is about Wiley. When they thought Willow was pregnant, they talked about what they would mean, and he said he’d support her. She thought they were on the same page. He says, practically every waking moment, she’s consumed with one baby thing or another. She can’t let it go. She got on the train, the train left the station, and she didn’t even realize he got left behind.

Carly tells Jason that he has to meet with Cyrus, but he tells her, Sonny said wait, so he’s going to. Carly says, it’s obviously an important meeting, but Sonny thinks Mike is more important. Sonny is grieving Mike, and navigating a difficult situation. He doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle Cyrus on top of it. It’s up to Jason

Cyrus says he sorry he and Julian didn’t meet until now, and Julian says, prison is a bitch on your social life. Cyrus laughs, and says he’s out now. They should get to know each other. Maybe it’s an opportunity for collaboration. Julian says he’s got his hands full with Charlie’s, and Cyrus suggests a fellowship then. He could use Julian as a guide in Port Charles, and learn the ins and outs. Julian says he bets Sonny could give Cyrus a crash course. Cyrus laughs again. His phone rings. It’s Jason, who says, the meeting is off.

At Turning Woods, Brook tells Sonny, she brought meatballs, but Mike isn’t doing well. Sonny says, Mike had a seizure. He hasn’t spoken to the doctor yet, but he wants to see Mike. He looks in, and Mike is lying in bed, half-sleeping. The doctor comes by, and Sonny says he was told on the phone, it was a seizure, but are they sure it wasn’t a fall? Maybe Mike tried get up. The doctor says, Mike was seated. It was movie night, and Mike was watching the film. He was seated when it happened. An aide witnessed the episode, and his accounting lines up with a seizure. Sonny asks how bad it is, and the doctor says, Mike was knocked around, but there’s no permanent damage. Sonny says Mike never had a seizure before, and has no history of them, but the doctor says it’s a neurological effect that’s linked with late stage Alzheimer’s. Sonny asks what the tests say, and the doctor says they haven’t done any. Sonny wonders what they’re waiting for, and the doctor says, it might be difficult. Sonny says, it’s just a scan, but the doctor says there’s prep, and the machinery might be off-putting to Mike. Sonny asks if he’s saying it’s too much trouble, and Brook says, he’s saying the test might upset Mike. The doctor says they can treat the symptoms, but identification might not improve Mike’s quality of life. Sonny says, the life Mike has left, and Brook says she doesn’t think that’s what he meant. Sonny wants to see Mike for himself.

Sonny goes into Mike’s room, where a machine monitors his vitals. Sonny says, it’s him. Mike is going to be okay. Sonny is here, and he’s not going anywhere.

Cyrus says, how disappointing. He was looking forward to breaking bread with Sonny. He’s gone to so much trouble to set up the meeting. Jason says, plans change, and Cyrus says Jason isn’t suggesting their gathering lacks importance. It’s coming across as more than disrespectful. Jason says he’s just the messenger. The meeting is off. Cyrus says, tell Sonny he doesn’t appreciate… Hello? Julian asks if Cyrus would like something stronger.

Carly says Jason just hung up on Sonny’s rival. That could start a war. Jason says, he wouldn’t stop talking. Carly says there’s a better way to handle it, and he knows it. She walks out of the kitchen.

Lulu asks Laura why she’s even considering the idea that Valentin is worthy of a place in Charlotte’s life. Laura says, it’s not about worthiness. It’s a statement of fact that Valentin is Charlotte’s father, and was her sole parent for her first five years. There’s no way he can be ripped away without causing major emotional damage. Lulu says, because Charlotte loves him, and Laura says, yes. Lulu says, dogs love chocolate, but eating it kills them, which is just a bad example. Laura says, compromise is the right way to go, and Lulu asks why she should compromise with Valentin. Laura says, for starters, it looks like he’s changed for the better since he found out he’s Helena’s son. Lulu doesn’t know how to react. Now Valentin is a different kind of evil? Laura asks if she has to remind Lulu that she held a gun on Valentin, and Lulu says she wishes she was talking to that version of her mother. Laura says, she absolutely is. Valentin appears to have changed for the better. Lulu says, the bar for the most improved Cassadine is set really low, and Laura suggests Lulu take a look at her daughter. She’s been separated from her father for a month, but shows no signs of acclimating. Lulu is sorry if Charlotte doesn’t like it, but if keeping her from Valentin lessens the chance of Charlotte being kidnapped, what is she going to do? Laura asks what Lulu is going to do when Charlotte gets older and resents her, or worse? Lulu says she’d rather that than Charlotte not grow up at all.

Valentin tells Charlotte, he lost his temper, and did a terrible thing he never should have done. Charlotte says, Ava is mean and on Nikolas’s side, but Valentin says that doesn’t excuse what he did. She says, it does to her. Ava just got wet. You don’t die in the harbor in winter. Charlotte didn’t. Valentin says Charlotte should never have been involved; he’s sorry. She says, it’s not his fault. It’s Nikolas and Ava’s fault, and Sasha’s for lying, and mommy too. Lulu doesn’t like him, and didn’t want him happy with Nina. He’s going to fix it, right? He’s going to find a way to get Windymere back, and make Nina love him. Then they’ll have their happily ever after.

Michael tells Josslyn, Diane thinks he’d have a better chance for full custody if he was married to the right person. She asks if Diane has someone specific in mind, and he says, Willow. Josslyn can see that. Willow is great with Wiley. She’s generous and kind, and not fake like Nelle. And she’s beautiful. Not that it’s a major consideration, but it helps. Michael agrees, and Josslyn says, plus she already loves Wiley. Michael doubts Willow would care Wiley isn’t her biological son, and Josslyn says Avery isn’t their mom’s biological child, but Carly doesn’t love her any less. He’s not Sonny’s biological son, but it doesn’t make a difference. Michael says she’s right. Willow loves Wiley as much as when she thought he was her own. Josslyn asks, then what’s the problem?

Willow says, if Chase thought they wanted different things, he should have said so. He says he wasn’t going to ask her to stop loving Wiley or looking out for him. He just wanted a middle ground; some distance. But she couldn’t do it. She says, so instead of being honest, he had sex with Sasha? He says, actually it turns out they have a lot in common. They’re both on the sidelines of other people’s grief. She says she’s sorry her and Michael’s grief is inconvenient for them, and he says she just proved his point. Nothing they do is good enough; they’re always on the outside. It’s painfully obvious. She says, so he was going to keep cheating indefinitely? He asks what good it would have done to tell her. It just would have hurt her. She says it would have given them a fighting chance. In telling her right away, she would have been hurt and angry, but she would have understood. They could have chalked it up to a mistake, and fought through it, but he didn’t give them a shot. Now, it’s too late. He says she’s right. Maybe he should have done it differently, but he didn’t. Willow says, now, it’s over. Never in a million years did she think this could happen; that he’d do this. When he said he loved her, she thought he meant forever. He says he thought so too, and she guesses she didn’t know him at all. She takes her bag, and walks out. She cries in the hallway. Sasha quietly comes out of the bedroom. Chase smashes a glass against the wall, and says, dammit!

Lulu says she doesn’t know what sob story Valentin gave Laura, but it must have been a doozy. Laura says, give her some credit. Does Lulu think she can’t recognize a crisis of conscience, especially when Valentin comes crawling to her for help? She thinks that says something significant. Lulu thinks it says he’s desperate and on the run; willing to say anything to keep Charlotte in his life. His words don’t cut it. Valentin approaches them with Charlotte, and thanks Lulu for the visit. He asks if he can borrow Laura for a second. They walk into the hallway, and Lulu asks how Charlotte’s chat with her dad went. Charlotte says she thinks her papa is mad at her.

Laura tells Valentin, make it fast. Their little chats aren’t going over well with Lulu.

Mike wakes up, and Sonny asks how he’s feeling. He’s back in his room. He had some trouble on movie night, but everything is okay. Mike struggles, and Sonny tells him not to move. He asks if Mike wants to go for a walk, and get some fresh air. Mike tries to get up again, and Sonny deduces Mike has to go to the bathroom, and helps him out of bed, saying he’ll get a wheelchair. Brook asks if everything is okay, and Sonny asks her to get a nurse to help him to the chair.

Carly brings Donna into the kitchen. She says Donna is like her mother. She’s concluded Uncle Jason won’t listen to reason. Jason takes the baby, and says her mom just wants things done her way. Carly says, what Donna needs to understand, is that her Uncle Jason never listens to her about business, even though she’s right more than she’s not. Jason says her mom just wants to keep everybody safe. It’s all he wants too. They just disagree on how to make that happen.

Josslyn says if Michael and Willow both love Wiley – which they do – and getting married will keep Wiley safe from Nelle – which it will – why not go for it? Michael says he’s in love with Sasha for starters. Josslyn says, Sasha is totally cool. If he tells her, Josslyn is sure she’d be on board. He says he has and she is, but Willow isn’t. She’s in love with Chase, and he can’t ask her to end things to be with him indefinitely. She says, why doesn’t he ask Willow, and let her decide, but Michael says, it’s not fair to make her choose between helping Wiley and staying with the man she loves. He can’t do that to her.

Sasha asks Chase, what have we done?

Valentin says Laura despises him, and she says, for the most part. He says, nevertheless, she sticks by Charlotte, and knows what Charlotte needs. Laura hopes so, and he says she’s a good person. Charlotte needs her to learn right from wrong; she’s a steadying force. Laura says she’s tried to provide that all along. He tells her, what he’s trying to say is that Charlotte needs her to teach her to good. Clearly, he can’t do that.

Lulu tells Charlotte, whatever is going on, she’s sure Charlotte’s papa could never be mad at her. Charlotte says she doesn’t mean that, and Lulu says, of course (🍷) she does. Charlottes says, Lulu is always saying, tell the truth, but she doesn’t. She pretends to like Valentin, and when she thinks Charlotte can’t hear, she says how bad he is.

Julian gives Cyrus a drink on the house. Cyrus says, much obliged. Now that his evening has been freed up, and it appears to be between dinner and the late night rush, they should take the opportunity to become better acquainted.

Jason tells Donna, her mom is the smartest person he knows. Carly says he doesn’t mean that, but he says he does. He tells Donna, she has great instincts, and she’s ready to fight for the people she loves, but sometimes she doesn’t stop to think things through. If he ignores what her dad wants, and goes behind his back, it could be tougher for her dad, since he’s dealing with so much. He wants to give her dad what he needs, and knows that’s what her mom wants too.

Sonny thanks Brook for the assist, and she says, anything for her two best guys. Sonny asks if Mike heard that, but Brook tells Mike, save his voice for their duet. She thinks they should close the Nurses Ball. Sonny brings a cup of water to Mike’s lips. Mike sips it, and coughs. Sonny wipes Mike’s mouth, and tells Brook, it’s late. She should probably go. She says she has nowhere to be, and she’s happy to keep them company, but Sonny says he’s about to head out, and his dad is tired. Mike asks Sonny, is it over?

Lulu tells Charlotte, she and Charlotte’s dad disagree on a lot of things, but they both love her so much. Charlotte says she’s doing it again; pretending she likes him. Don’t pretend things are okay when they’re not. Pretending doesn’t help. It makes everything worse.

Laura says she never heard Valentin call his parenting skills into question. He says he doesn’t want to overthink it. Just promise she’ll take care of his daughter; instill in her conscience, generosity, and kindness. Will she do that? Laura says, of course (🍷) she will, and Valentin tells her, what he’s saying is, if Lulu decides to go ahead and petition the court for full custody, he’s not contesting it. Take care. He walks away, and Laura stands there with her mouth open.

Sonny tells Mike, he doesn’t understand, and Mike repeats, is it over? Sonny asks, is what over? The movie? Mike says, he means this whole thing, and Sonny says, the movie ended. He’s going to find out what movie it was, and have a private screening; just them. He’ll be right back. He sees Brook in the hallway, and says his dad gets like that. He kind of rolls with it. Brook says, Sonny doesn’t think Mike was talking about anything specific? Sonny says, no. He was just wondering… what movie it was.

Jason gives Donna back to Carly, who tells Donna to feel privileged. Jason doesn’t talk to anyone, and he was talking up a storm. He says he talks tell her, and she says, something else about her Uncle Jason. He’s not much of a talker, but he’s an incredible listener. He’s patient, and doesn’t judge. He’s incredibly loyal, and even when they disagree, and she doesn’t take his advice and does the opposite, when it blows up in her face, he always stands by her side. He’ll stand by Donna’s too. She knows Donna is going to be a perfect angel, and never break the rules or be defiant. Carly knows Donna would never do anything wrong, but in case she does, her Uncle Jason will always have her back. Jason says, like her mom has his.

Josslyn tells Michael, Wiley is so cute, how he falls asleep pulling his ear. He says she did the same thing; he looks like her. She says, it’s so weird. No one noticed the family resemblance; now you can’t miss it. He says they saw what they expected to see. That’s the worst thing about the custody hearing; the judge seeing what he expects. A poor mother separated from her child who deserves another chance. Josslyn says, he’ll see the facts too. Nelle’s file will be the first thing he sees, and there will be no contest. She pleaded guilty to murdering her fiancé. He says he has Claudia, but she says there was an infant involved, and he changed his life. Nelle didn’t. She tried to kill Michael the night Wiley was born, and that was only a year and a half ago. The facts are the facts, and they say he’s a way better parent. He says, maybe Diane should consult with her. She still thinks him marrying Willow would make a stronger case, but she wants Chase. She tells him not to waste his time wishing things were different. The way things are, are totally on his side. When it comes to the actual testimony, he’ll blow Nelle out of the water. Nelle is fake, and Willow is real, but he’s real too. He loves Wiley and wants what’s best for him, and that honesty rolls off him in waves. Him, plus the facts, are all the judge needs to make a right decision. He says, maybe she’s right. Maybe he didn’t need to drag Willow in to it after all.

Chase picks up the bottle, and tells Sasha, he got this from wine guy. He and Willow were supposed to have it tonight. They were doing this thing where they were learning and exploring different types of wine. He pours them both a glass, and says, now that that’s over, how about toast? She asks, to what? and he says, to hopefully, this all being worth it.

Tomorrow, Diane admits she set Alexis up, Willow tells Michael that Chase and Sasha are having an affair, and Sonny has the feeling Elizabeth has something specific in mind.

Vanderpump Rules

Bartending educator Cole gives SUR’s newer staff a lesson. In Dayna’s interview, she says, bartenders make more money than servers. Her mom was a bartender for thirty years, and she learned how to make a dirty martini when she was eight. It’s in her blood. Brett tells her that Max hooked up with a cocktail waitress at Lisa’s restaurant in Vegas. In her interview, Dayna says she thought absence made the heart grow fonder, but in Max’s case, it makes his d*ck grow harder.

Stassi combs her hair extensions. Beau puts on bangs, and says he’s Sia. Schwartz and Katie come by. Schwartz says he wouldn’t change one moment in Vegas, but Katie says she’d change one. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, they’re married. The paperwork was registered… In Katie’s interview, she says, there’s no proof. Schwartz says, you’d think after the first time, he’d have held onto the document, but he lost it again. Stassi says she’s done waiting for Beau’s ass to take the next step, so she’s going on her own to her GYN appointment. She wants to make sure everything is working. Katie asks if they’re trying to make a baby, and Stassi says they’re not not trying. In her interview, Stassi says she knows ten years from now, she and Beau will be married and have children. Going to an all-girls Catholic school made her realize the way she doesn’t want to live. No sex before marriage, and definitely not a baby. She wants to take the next step, whenever it is. Katie thought they had the perfect crew in Vegas. No slight to Kristen… Stassi says, she didn’t have to worry about Kristen overstepping boundaries. Kristen was pissed because Beau said Stassi was his number one priority. It triggers her from when Kristen hooked up with Jax. She lied for a long time. Beau says he’s still friends with her, but as a group, his priority is going to be Stassi. In Beau’s interview, he says he doesn’t want Stassi to be upset or uncomfortable. He wishes they could work things out. Schwartz says, unfortunately, they have a wine event tomorrow, and Katie says, the whole situation is unfortunate. Stassi no longer wants to do the wine business. Stassi says her heart hasn’t been in it for a while. In Stassi’s interview, she says they’re throwing a Witches of WeHo party to launch their Potion No. 2. If they were Destiney’s Child, she’s Beyonce, and she’s ready to leave. Katie says, it should be fine. Kristen picked up all the decorations; the banners, the cauldrons, and dry ice. It’s going to be fun; witchy pretty.

Kristen gets everything together. She says she’s proud of the brand they built. She did it with Katie and Stassi, from the ground up. But now, it’s all on her.

Dayna and Brett go to work. Puffy! Lisa comes in, and Peter grills Brett on mojitos. Lisa orders one goat cheese ball, since she’s going out to dinner. Peter gets it for her, but when he brings it over, she says, when she said one, she meant three. They must be amazing. I know Stassi is addicted to them. Scheana sits with Lisa, and Lisa asks if she doesn’t have any tables waiting. Scheana says she just clocked in, and wanted to speak to Lisa before she got tables. In other words, she wanted to be paid for the time it took to talk to Lisa. She tells Lisa that she had her egg retrieval surgery, and got seven. Lisa says, so she’s waiting for the right guy or time. Peter is a faithful old dog. Scheana says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. She’s having too much fun being single. Lisa thinks Scheana wants a relationship more than anything. Sometimes Lisa feels like they don’t get the true story with Scheana. In Scheana’s interview, she says, for a while, she said it didn’t bother her if a relationship ended; it only led to the next one. But at the end of the day, all of them hurt her, and screwed with her head and heart. Lisa asks, about Max… and Scheana says, he hooked up with baby Scheana over the weekend. She knows he has a type. Lisa says the only thing that matters is if Scheana feels hurt, but Scheana says the only way Max could hurt her would be by not being a good friend. He and Brett didn’t check on her after her surgery. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Scheana needs to know, you can’t expect that level of thoughtfulness from men who aren’t your husband, and you can’t expect that level of thoughtfulness from a man who is your husband. Peter suggests Scheana get to work, and Scheana says Lisa was trying to give her Peter’s sperm. Lisa says they’ve been floating around SUR for ten years.

Scheana visits Dayna, who says she has a new houseguest. We see a fish in a plastic container, and she says, it’s not going well. Maybe put it in a tank? Scheana shows Dayna her knee injury, and in Scheana’s interview she says she was enjoying her Sunday, and a guy came full speed into her on a scooter. She tells Dayna that she’s not supposed to be active for a while, and can’t go to Nightingale. She asks about Dayna’s birthday, and Dayna says, it was great. She had a moment about her mom. She put on Beatles records, and cried in the kitchen, then ate mac and cheese and hotdogs. Scheana says she hired a psychic as a birthday present for Dayna. She’d connected Scheana with her grandmother, and Scheana thought Dayna could connect with her mother. Dayna says, that’s a lot to spring on her. Scheana hasn’t lost a parent. Dayna tears up, and Scheana says, her mom has lost a parent, like that’s the same thing. In her interview, Scheana says she’s a gift giver. It’s her favorite part of Christmas. She wanted to bring Dayna a minute of happiness, and thought she could hear that her mom is proud of her. Scheana says her psychic can do it today, and Dayna says, is she here now? Scheana says, no. She just texted, and Scheana said she’d have to talk to Dayna first. Dayna says she’s sorry, but she can’t do it. In Dayna’s interview, she says she believes in psychics and communicating with the dead, but her mother’s death was the most traumatic thing in her life, and she’d want good energy and to be open to it. Scheana is a friend, but Dayna isn’t sharing intimate moments with her. Scheana dashes outside to tell psychic Shauna, it was too heavy of a surprise. Dayna wasn’t expecting it. Dayna hears them talking, and looks out. Shauna says Dayna can always call. Dayna goes downstairs, and calls Scheana over. She says it seems like Scheana was trying to spring this on her, but Scheana, who can never help but dig a hole deeper, says she just wanted Shauna to be available in case Dayna wanted to do it. Dayna asks if Shauna was supposed to be there; Scheana didn’t tell her Shauna was waiting. In her interview, Dayna says a good psychic could figure out the address, and what time. Scheana says maybe she should have talked to Dayna first. She leaves, and Dayna shakes her head.

Beau goes to Villa Rosa. Giggy! Puffy! He tells Lisa, he’s a wreck inside. He wants everything to be perfect. She asks what part of proposing in a graveyard wouldn’t be perfect? She’s offered him the patio for a light dinner afterwards, and champagne. In his interview, he says, have you seen this place? It’s friggin’ awesome. He’s going to surprise Stassi with the engagement, then surprise her with Lisa’s house. The others will be there too. Lisa says Stassi is going to be so excited and happy. Beau caught her at a good time in her life.

We join Stassi at her GYN appointment. Everything is normal. In her interview, she says she was never so happy to be called normal. She tells the doctor that he’s making pregnancy fun.

Lisa asks if Beau’s not inviting Kristen, but he doesn’t know. Lisa says naturally, the inclination is to not have her there, but she’s been an integral part of Stassi’s development. We flash back to the earlier years, and Lisa says they don’t want to look back and regret that she wasn’t there in a moment that can’t be recreated. Beau says he’ll see how the vibe is, and Lisa says, it’s a long table.

James, Raquel, Brett, Dayna, and Charli go to a club. In Charli’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to date Brett. He seems like he’d cry after sex, and get emotional. Brett asks James how it is being at the club sober. James says, it’s a different experience, since he’s been there before. Brett asks if it’s hard not drinking, but James says it’s making him stronger. In James’s interview, he says he would drink to reach an impossible destination. He asks Brett what’s happening with Dayna. Brett says, she’s a cool-ass girl, and James says they have great chemistry. In Brett’s interview, he says, it’s no secret he’s into Dayna. Now that Max was sinning in Sin City, there’s only one thing standing in the way. He has no idea why Danica wants to sabotage his situation. Usually, he’s the guy people want to set up with a friend because he’s a good guy. He asks to talk to Danica, and they step outside the crowd. He says she’s been talking to Dayna, telling her sh*t. She wonders why he’d be interested in hooking up with someone who’s hooked up with his friend. In Brett’s interview, he says, where he comes from, this is okay. A producer asks where he’s from, and he says, Jersey. I’m not sure what the big deal is. She’s not dating both of them at the same time. It’s like how on Below Deck Sailing Yacht, Adam is jealous because Jenna dated the same guy one of the other girls had dated a million years ago. It’s silly. Dayna joins them, and tells them about Scheana hiring the psychic, and how Scheana said she wasn’t there, but she was. Danica says, Scheana says one thing, but does another. She’s so worried about coming off a certain way. In her interview, Dayna says, Scheana lies all the time. She’s not honest. That’s how Brett felt about her too. She tells Danica, if you’re worried how the truth makes you look, you’re lying. Scheana makes people not like her. Brett asks if they can stop talking about her.

Lala and James meet at the studio, where music producer Sean2 is waiting. James is excited, and they make some new music. James says, it’s so Kanye. They take a break, and Lala says James sounds better. He says he’s made more music in the last month, than in the last six months. She says he seems happy, and he says he’s living his life. He realizes drinking was holding him back. She says she likes the way he’s talking. Now that he’s involved in a program – welcome. All the people in the room are inspiring, and that’s why she goes there. She tells him about waking up from a nightmare where she’d been drinking again. She started sweating, then realized it wasn’t real. James identifies, and says it’s trippy. He woke up from a dream feeling hungover. Lala says she never wants to feel like she’s living in the past, where things were said. She wants to move on. He says that’s cool of her. In his interview, James says, it was word vomit. He said things to hurt people feelings because  he was drunk. We flash back to some of that. Lala says she’s going to Farmhouse for the Witches of WeHo party. She can’t cut the tie between them, and wants to see James do well. They give each other a double high-five.

Brett demonstrates his bartending skills, and Dayna says it tastes delicious. Out back, Scheana messes with her phone. Dayna joins her, and asks how she is. She apologizes, saying she knew Scheana was going through sh*t, and Scheana says, it’s not fair. She’s ignored by good friends, people who don’t give her the same consideration. She’s over it. She had surgery, and no one cared. She’s putting effort into friendships where it’s not being reciprocated. In her interview, she says she feels taken for granted, and it’s frustrating. She puts effort into a friendship to the point where it’s embarrassing. She asks if Dayna is still upset, and wishes she’d told Dayna the psychic was there. Dayna says, it wasn’t appreciated, and it feels like a step forward, and two steps back for them. Scheana says, it was a miscommunication. Code for, I screwed up. Dayna asks why Scheana is starting to cry, and Scheana says she wanted to make Dayna smile. Dayna says she doesn’t want to keep having conversations like this. Let’s do better.

Kristen goes to Farmhouse, and asks if the wine is there. In her interview, she says she hasn’t seen or spoken to Katie or Stassi since before they went to Vegas. They’re there to promote the wine, and hopefully sell some, and keep their noses to the grindstone. She sets up, and meets bartender Landon. Stassi and Katie arrive, and in Kristen’s interview, she says she’s been busting her ass. Katie pops in and helps out, but she’s gotten nothing from Stassi, yet Stassi still gets paid. All she has to do is post something on her social media once in a while, but she can’t be bothered. They drink some rosé, and Stassi pointedly ignores Kristen, which seems really awkward.

Kayley, a reporter for US Weekly interviews the Witches. She asks what they argue about most. We flash back to them screeching at each other, and Kristen says, friend stuff. Not about business. In business, they agree on everything. We flash back to Stassi saying they always disagree, and this is why she doesn’t like working with other people. Their guests arrive, including the usual suspects. Tom tells Danica to congratulate Katie; she’s finally married. Danica says, officially? She asks if he’d like to do a softball competition between restaurants. Tom says, the losing team has to clean the other’s bar bathroom on their hands and knees with a toothbrush. Is he confusing this with a hazing? He says, it can just be the team captains, and she says Brett is her co-captain. In Tom’s interview, he says, TomTom has the best drinks, and the staff is full of all stars. He tells her, game on.

Dayna tells Max, she heard he made a new friend in Vegas, and he says, check? He says he heard she and Brett were making out at her party, and she says she thought he said it was dope. He says he was trying to play it cool, but he got frustrated. In Dayna’s interview, she admits it feels good that Max felt something about her kissing someone else, but he had his chance, and her life has to go on. She says she thought they both agreed it wasn’t an issue, and were moving TF on. In Max’s interview, he says he still wants to be friends with Dayna. Ariana tells Lala that she’s five glasses deep with the wine. Lala tells her about James, and says he looks great, and he’s in great spirits. She thinks he really gets it. In Lala’s interview, she says James was the first friend she made on her own there. He made her believe she was a bad-ass bitch. She’s getting that James back, but a better version. She tells Ariana, James is doing amazing. It’s still one day at a time for him. but if he keeps on this road, his potential is huge. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s seen James struggle, and in getting to know him, rooted for him. He and Lala have had a tumultuous friendship, but Lala always cared. It makes her happy that they’re reconnecting. Lala says they recorded a good song. It was the cherry on top.

In his interview, Beau says he’s proposing to Stassi tomorrow, and she has no idea. He asks her if the wine party turnout is good, and she says she doesn’t like working with friends. Beau suggests she could keep Kristen as a friend, but keep her at arm’s length. Stassi says, Kristen isn’t someone you can keep at arm’s length. Beau asks if she isn’t inviting Kristen to her birthday next year, and Stassi says she’s not interested in being friends with Kristen right now. Kristen is taking away from her life instead of adding to it. In her interview, Stassi wonders why she isn’t allowed to outgrow a friendship without everyone asking about it. The one person she expected to understand was Beau. WTF? Beau says he’s trying to process it, and Stassi starts to cry. She doesn’t know why it’s an issue. He says, it isn’t, and takes her hand. He tells her that he loves her, and he’s sorry.

Dayna tells the others about the bartending class. Lala tells Scheana that she heard Max banged Scheana squared. Tom tells Schwartz about the softball competition, and Scheana whines to Max about no one calling her. Kristen asks Beau if they’re still friends, and he says, of course. Maybe he won’t be giving her a big hug right now though. Stassi tells Katie she forgave Kristen for the worst thing, and she’s annoyed with Beau so hard. Kristen tells Beau, she’s known him longer, and asks if he’s not allowed to have friends if they’re not friends of Stassi’s. Beau says if Stassi is hurt or upset, he doesn’t want to make her more hurt or upset. Kristen asks if he’s afraid of Stassi, and he says, no. In his interview, Beau says he wants to make sure it’s the right decision. What if Stassi and Kristen make up, and Stassi looks back on it, and wishes Kristen was there? Beau is like the nicest, most thoughtful guy in the world.

Stassi goes over to Beau, and asks what the problem is. Kristen says the were talking friendships, and Stassi says, Beau is her boyfriend. Kristen strides off, saying this isn’t the place. In Kristen’s interview, she says she gets that Stassi wants to put an end to their friendship, but she’s there to promote a business. She’s not ruining all that because Stassi is insecure. Beau tells Stassi, if he hadn’t met Kristen, he wouldn’t have met any of them. Stassi says he doesn’t owe Kristen anything, and he says he’s just upset that a friendship is ending. He asks why she’s so affected, and she says she’s upset that he’s holding on to something weird. In Stassi’s interview, she says she and Beau are trying to start a life together, and the situation is giving her PTSD. We flash back to Kristen sleeping with Jax, twice, while he was Stassi’s boyfriend. She doesn’t want to deal with the 2013 psycho sh*t when she’s moving on. Stassi tells Beau she wants to go home. She feels embarrassed and weird. She can’t believe he’s doing this. Is she not his person? In his interview, Beau says he wants Stassi to be happy with him. He wants the proposal to be perfect. He spent all summer lying to her. In trying to make her happy, he’s making her miserable. He tells her that she’s yelling at him, and she says she doesn’t car, asking again if she’s not his effing person. She’s going. She storms out, and Beau says, WTF? Katie says, he knows how Stassi is. He says he needs Katie’s help. She says he needs something.

Next time, the softball game happens; Carter texts Beau, and says Beau and Stassi are cold-blooded; and Beau proposes.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian tells Alex, hold on. She says he raped her, but he says, no, he didn’t. He dresses quickly, and she asks why she’s there. He asks if she doesn’t remember. She came to his house, and drank half his alcohol. She says he drugged her, and he asks what’s the last thing she remembers? She says she doesn’t remember anything. Wait. They were at Natalie’s house, and he chased her out. He says he came out to talk to her. She was upset about Brad. She tries to leave, but he blocks her way. She grabs her shoes, and suddenly stops. He asks, what is it?

She says she can’t talk. What about her kids? She remembers… She leans against the wall, and she says she remembers telling him that she didn’t want them anymore. Ian says, or her marriage, or Brad, and she says, yes. She came onto him. She grabs her head, and Ian sits on a box. She apologizes, and says she’s so embarrassed. He tells her, that’s some crazy-ass sh*t to be blaming on somebody, and she says she’s sorry. She was out of it. She heads for the door, and outside, she pukes on the lawn. Randal sees, and Ian asks if she’s okay. Randal comes over, and Ian tells Alex to come in and sit down. She says she has to go home and check on the kids. She’s sorry. Randal comes across the street, and asks, what the hell is going on? He notes that Alex is in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday. Ian tells him, leave her alone, and Randal asks if she’s doing the walk of shame. Ian tells Randal to go back his house, and Randal says Ian just moved here. Shut the hell up. Ian says he’ll walk Alex home, and Randal asks Alex if Ian is her baby daddy. Ian tells him again to leave Alex alone, and says he can make Randal’s life difficult. Randal says his life is difficult every day, as we’d probably all answer. Randal asks Alex what she’s doing coming out of Ian’s house so early in the morning. She’d better answer. Ian tells Randal to mind his own business, and Randal says, this whore is his business. He tells Ian to go back in his house, and Ian says someone needs to kick Randal’s ass. Randal says he’d love to see that. Don’t let it be him right here. Randal moons Ian, and Ian walks Alex back to the other side of the street. Randal follows, and Ian tells him one more time to leave Alex alone. Ian faces Randal, and Alex gets in between them. She says, back up. Everybody go back to their own house, and leave her alone. As Randal walks away, he says, go kiss my ass; there it is, and he moons them again.

Alex goes into the house, and Brad asks where the hell she’s been. She says she has to get the kids to school, and starts to go upstairs. He says, they’re gone. Come back and talk to him – now. She asks where the babysitter is, and he says, gone. She called him late last night, wondering where Alex was; he had to relieve her. Alex says she’s here now, he can leave. He asks where she was, and she says, out. It’s none of his concern. He says his kids are his concern, and she says they were safe. He says, Chelsea had to leave, and she says she needs him to leave her alone; she doesn’t feel well. He asks what’s going on with her? Who was she with? Brian? Bob? Mark? Some other guy? She asks what he’s talking about, and he says he went through her laptop, and saw the dating site. She says, well… and he asks if that’s all she has to say. She says she’s not in the mood for this, and he says she was not only sleeping with Randal, there were other guys well. She says, this is over now. What does it matter? Brad says he loved her, and she says, okay. He says, that’s all she has to say? and she asks what he wants her to say. Marcie says Brad can’t hit Alex, but she can. Let her slap this bitch. Alex says she’s there now, so just get out of the way, and let her take care of her baby. Marcie says she and Brad are getting married, and Alex says, so? Good for her. Marcie says, good for her and Brad. She tells Brad, she’s sick of this whore. That’s another thing; she fed Alex’s baby. Alex says, okay. Want a cookie? Marcie says, she’s such a… and Alex says, what? Whatever is she is, she can have kids. Marcie says she’s going slap Alex into next week, and Alex laughs. She says, Marcie wants kids so bad, take him, and take the other two. She laughs, and says she’s done. She’s out of there. She’s done, and doesn’t want this; any of this. She never wanted this, and never wanted Brad. She hates the neighborhood, and being his wife. He says she could have told him before they got married. She says she couldn’t. She got hooked into everything he wanted. Marcie wants him? Take him. Take all of them. Give the kids up for adoption. She doesn’t care. Alex opens the door, and Brad says, come back. She walks out, and he follows.

Brad tells Alex to get back in the house, but she tells him, see what it’s like to do all this all by himself. She’s done. Tyrel watches from Kelly’s porch. Randal asks, what the hell is going on? What’s Marcie doing there? She says she’s there with her fiancé. Alex pulls out, and Brad tells Randal, he’s not in the mood for his crap. Randal says Brad’s ex was cheating on him with Ian. Brad says, get off his lawn, and Randal says, don’t get mad. Ask Ian. Brad says he doesn’t give a damn, and Randal says Ian might be the baby daddy. Marcie says, him or any other guy. Randal asks, what’s that supposed to mean? and she says he wasn’t the only one. Alex was screwing a lot of men. She went by the name of Jennifer Peppa. Look it up. Available day and night. Randal says she better be lying, and everyone goes to respective corners.

Tyrel calls to Natalie, asking if Lushion is still getting him in. She calls Lushion, who tells her, Kelly said he’s legit. Let him in, but she doesn’t want him to see Justice. She was clear about that. Natalie says, okay; does Tyrel know they have Justice? Lushion doesn’t know. What he does know is, don’t let him see Justice. He’ll see her at lunch. She tells Tyrel she’ll get the key. She comes back out, and tells him, sorry, but he says, it’s all good. She lets him into the house, and he says, it’s really nice. She asks where he stayed last night, and he says, an all-night coffee shop at the bus station. She apologizes, and says, Lushion likes to be on top of things. Tyrel says he gets it. He’s glad a cop lives next door. He asks where Justice is, and she says he’s staying with them. He asks what time school lets out; he wants to see Justice. Natalie says she’ll have to let Kelly know first. Tyrel says his mom told him what Kelly did to Travis. What happened? She says, Travis was bad news, and he asks if he and Kelly were dating, but she says he needs to talk to Kelly about that. He thanks her again, and Natalie leaves. He picks up his paper bag, and says, wow. Home. He looks around.

Randal gets on his laptop. He says, she was dating everybody. Jerome, TJ, Brock, Ryan, Derrick, Steven, Mark, Chris, Brian, Josiah, Larry; going east now, Jane, Joel. He closes the laptop and sits back in his chair.

In jail, Eddie yells, and Kelly tells him, shut up. He tells her, shut the hell up. Lushion comes by, and asks what Eddie is doing there. Eddie says Lushion’s got to get him out. Damn Steven. He woke up in there; Steven played a game on him. Lushion laughs, and says, sorry, but Eddie should hear himself. Eddie asks if Lushion thinks he did this. Steven set him up. Lushion says it looks like a good day to be in there. Eddie’s got no home, and he’ll get two hot meals and a cot. Eddies says, get him out, and Lushion asks, what happened? Eddies says, nothing. He woke up in a toga party. Kelly says, he was drunk, and he says, shut her ass up. Lushion starts to walk toward Kelly’s cell, and Kelly says, they got him on a DUI. Eddie says, trumped up charges. Lushion says he doesn’t care, but when he gets a second, he’ll talk to Steven. Eddie says, get him out, and Lushion says he’ll see what he can do. He goes to Kelly’s cell, and Eddie says, that’s messed up.

Lushion tells Kelly, he’s on his way to see the DA. She says she’s got information, but he says he doesn’t want to take it. He doesn’t want the DA to find out where he got it from. A lawyer will come to see her. She shows him the Bible with the photos inside, and Eddie says, she ain’t supposed to have that. She tells him, shut up, and he says, shut her ass up. He wants to get out. Lushion tells him, then shut the hell up. Lushion looks through the phots, and gives them back to Kelly. She asks what the plan is, and he says a public defender is going to come see her. She says, that kid? Does Lushion think he can get it done? He looked so scared, like a deer in headlights. Lushion says, let them work on it. He also talked to Rick, who came up with some good information. She thanks him, and he says he’s with her. She’s not alone. He’ll see her later. He squeezes her hand, and Eddie says Lushion is just leaving him in there? Lushion shrugs, and Kelly laughs. Lushion walks past Eddie’s cell, and says it looks good on him.

Esperanza walks into the office with Steven. She thanks him for the coffee, and for being there for her. She appreciates it. She asks how long they can keep Eddie, and he says, the paperwork may have gotten lost. She says, and he had nothing to do with it? Have it his way. Lushion comes in, and Esperanza says she has to go to work. Lushion says he wants to talk to both of them. How did Eddie end up in there? Steven says he arrested Eddie on a DUI. Lushion tells him, that’s not what it says in the report; what happened? Steven says he was driving drunk. Lushion looks at Esperanza, and Steven says, she wasn’t there. Esperanza says Eddie got drunk and came to her house. Lushion says, she can’t lie, and she confirms that. Lushion says they have to let him out. Steven didn’t see Eddie driving. Steven says he doesn’t know that, but Lushion says, let him out, or Steven’s no better than he is. Lushion leaves, and Esperanza says, fine. Steven says she knows how pissed Eddie will be, and she says she’ll deal with it. He says they’re still on break. Let’s get more coffee.

Ian sits at his desk, sipping a drink, when Alex walks in, his assistant at her heels. He says, it’s okay, and Alex says, guess what? She walked out of her life. He says, okay… She says, it’s all because of him, but he says, sorry. He doesn’t see the correlation. She says, it’s a good thing. He asks if she’s still drinking, and she says, no, but she’s going to. She opens his desk drawer, and says, come on. He says, all right, and she sits on the desk. He tells her, it’s strong, but she says she’s good. It’s a celebration. She’s going to get a job. He says, that’s a good thing, and she says, how about she works there? He asks what she knows about the law, and she says, not a damn thing. He says, it’s probably not the best idea, and she says, he was really good last night. She doesn’t think she’s done yet, but he says, it’s not the place; he’s at work. She asks if he’s really turning her down, and he says, it’s not the place. She says, fine; be that way. She drains her drink, and he asks if he can call later, but she says by then, she’ll have found someone else to scratch this itch. She leaves, and his assistant tells him that Larry wants to see him. He says he’ll be right in. When she’s gone, he says, oh, man. Oh, man, indeed.

Ian goes into Larry’s office. He says he had a late crazy night, and Larry says, another floozy bites the dust? (Who uses the word floozy?) Ian says, something like that. Larry says, tell him more, but his intercom buzzes. He says, hold that thought. Larry’s assistant says, the DA is in the lobby, and Larry asks, why? She says the DA wants to talk to him about the Travis Kane case. Ian wonders why, and Larry says they’re about to find out. He tells his assistant to let her in. Ian says, this is awful, and Larry says, tell him about it. DA Linda comes in, and Larry asks, to what does he owe the pleasure? She says she knows his reputation in town far exceeds him, and he says he’s sure she’s up for reelection. He offers her a seat, and introduces Ian. She says she got a call from public defender Carl Adams. He said he’s defending Kelly, and that he has clear evidence that proves it was self-defense. Larry tells her, they all say that. She says he knows the outs and ins of the church. Is there anything she should know? Larry says, no. Kelly murdered Travis in cold blood. What more does she need? She says she doesn’t like surprises, and Larry says, there are none. Why is she afraid of this kid? She says, that’s not it, and he asks, what’s the problem. She says she told him; she doesn’t do surprises. He says, there are none. Prosecute to the fullest. She says she intends to, and Larry says, the family will be happy. Anything else? She says she just wanted to look at him, face to face, to get reassurance. He says she has it, and she leaves. When she’s gone, Larry tells Ian, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Interesting. Ian asks what he means, and Larry says he doesn’t like it. Ian says, it seems like a solid case, but Larry says, public defenders don’t go to the DA. Ian says he knows what they were like when they were young, but Larry says, something isn’t right. Get Carl in there. Ian says, he wants to discuss the case? and Larry says, Carl doesn’t have to know that. Just get his ass in there, and stop asking questions. When Larry is alone, he says, something is not right.

A guard tells Eddie, he’s free to go. Eddie says, it’s about damn time. He sees Kelly sitting on her cot, and asks if that’s her Bible. The guard says, let’s go, but Eddie says, she ain’t supposed to have it. Kelly asks what he’s talking about, and he tells her to give it to him. Hand it over. He tells the guard to take a walk; he’s got this. He tells Kelly, give him that Bible. She’s making his day. They’re going to keep stacking charges; resisting an officer, and keeping contraband. The Lord won’t mind her not having it. The Scripture should be written on the tablet of her heart. She yells for Lushion, and Eddie mimics her. He says Lushion’s not at the station, and tells the guard to open the cell door. Don’t give him that look; Eddie’s his superior. Kelly yells, no! and Eddie pulls the cell door open. She tries kicking him, but he takes the Bible. She begs him not to take it, and he asks, what happened to her telling him to shut up? She says she needs the Bible, and he tells her, take her hands off of him. He looks inside, and says, lookee here. All these women Calvary Church paid off. He’s sure these women will pay good money for the evidence. Kelly begs again, and he says, now it’s please. What happened to shut up? She says she didn’t mean it, and he says, Eddie is going to do like she asked. Lock it up, and throw away the key. He heads down the hall, waving the Bible, and says, good luck with the murder charges, bitch. Praise Jesus. Kelly looks defeated.

Next time, Ian goes to see Lushion, Lushion shakes down Eddie, Alex rides a mechanical bull,  Randal tells Marcie that she’ll never walk down the aisle with Brad, and Brad tells the baby to breathe.

🌎 We Are the World…

Stay safe, flatten that curve, and save the earth. I know, it’s a lot.

April 14, 2020 – Nelle Threatens Valentin, We Gather Here Today Once Again, Evidence Comes Together & Delayed


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Violet tells Anna that her daddy got a bouncy castle for the party. Anna says it’s a beautiful day for it, and Finn says he also ordered nice weather. Robert comes in, and says, there’s a delivery that needs a signature. Finn asks if it’s a piñata, but Robert says, it’s a pony, and it sneezed on him. Anna says, a pony? and Finn says, for riding.

Maxie closes her laptop, and Peter gives her a cup of coffee. He says he’s heading to Anna’s to help set up for Violet’s birthday party. Maxie says, Finn went all out, and Peter says, it’s the first party Finn has been able to celebrate with his daughter. Plus, her mom won’t be there. Maxie says, a distraction. She’ll meet him there after. He says, after what? and she says, the eruption of Mount Lulu.

Willow reads to a child in the hospital, and he falls asleep. She says he must be tired; they were just getting to the good part. A woman looks through the window, and Willow tells him, sleep well. She comes out, and his mother thanks her for reading to him. It’s always the highlight of his day. Willow says, hers too. They didn’t finish, so she’d be happy to come back tomorrow. His mother says they’re moving him to hospice tomorrow. It’s time. Willow hugs her.

On the phone with Diane, Michael says, next week? What are the chances he gets what he wants?… Is there a way to increase the numbers?… Besides that. He says he’ll think it over. Sasha brings him coffee, and asks if he can fill her in the other side of the conversation. He says the hearing date was moved up to next week, and his chances of full custody are slightly better than 50%. She says, unless he marries Willow, and he says, then it goes up. I have to say it. Wouldn’t the court find it odd and suspicious if he suddenly married someone he doesn’t have that kind of relationship with? I’m not so sure that would go in his favor.

Anna tells Robert, maybe Finn went a little overboard. Violet and Finn come back in, and Violet says the pony’s name is Fletcher. Robert asks if he sneezed on her too. She says, no, and asks if they can keep him. Anna says, can they? and Finn says she’s not helping. She says she’s just getting in the mood with some excitement, and Finn suggests Roxie might get jealous. Violet says, Roxie has to put on her party hat, but Finn isn’t sure if Roxie likes hats. They go upstairs, and Robert asks why Anna asked him there early. She says she thought he’d want extra time with Fletcher. She heard Obrecht was extradited, and she was hoping the whole thing was over now. Let Peter move on in peace.

Maxie tells Peter, she has to tell Lulu that she’s working for Deception, and Valentin is bankrolling it. Peter says, there’s nothing wrong with her working there, and she says they know that, but Lulu, not so much. Valentin is still Charlotte’s father, and Charlotte loves and needs her dad. Lulu is so blinded with rage, she can’t see that. Peter says, it’s crazy. Valentin is more reasonable with gritting his teeth and co-existing. Maxie says, he’d do anything for Charlotte, even play nice, and Peter asks if she’s thought of just saying that to Lulu. She asks if he’s insane.

In the hallway at the MetroCourt, Nelle asks if Valentin’s got a minute. He thinks it’s best they’re not seen together, and she says, the Quartermaines have no idea he’s moving in on their family money. He suggests they keep their voices down, and she says, it’s because of her generosity, and he asks what she wants. She says he’s acting like they’re not in the same position. He’s fighting for his daughter, and she’s fighting for her son.

Chase tells Willow that he saw her outside with the boy’s mother. Is she okay? She says, she’s fine, but Steven is terminal. His mother told her that they’re moving him to hospice. He says, he’s so sorry, and she says, it’s a mom thing. Steven’s mother is wired to comfort and take care of him. All the time she has with her son, every moment is precious. She was wondering what she would do if Wiley’s life was on the line and she didn’t have a say. She doesn’t think she could stand it.

Sasha tells Michael, it seems straightforward to her. He has to marry Willow. He says before they go further with the conversation, she needs to know he loves her, and whatever decision he makes moving forward doesn’t take away from that. It’s a strategy. She says she knows. He loves Wiley, and Willow does too. Sasha couldn’t love him if he was willing to jeopardize Wiley’s life to hang on to her. She couldn’t look at herself in the mirror either. It has nothing to do with how they feel, and everything to do with Wiley. He’s all that matters. He says she has no idea how much that means to him that she understands. She says he’d do anything for Wiley; so would she. And so would Willow. He says, if Chase wasn’t in the picture, he’d promise he and Sasha would be together one day, and ask Willow to marry him, but Chase is in the picture, so it can’t happen. Sasha says, there’s got to be a way.

Willow tells Chase, she’s being ridiculous. Why would she have a say? Michael is Wiley’s dad, and he makes the decisions. He can handle anything, assuming Nelle doesn’t get in the way. Chase says, that’s assuming a lot. Since Willow is there, why not see Wiley? She asks if he doesn’t think she’s obsessive and hovering, but he thinks she’s incredible. He knows Wiley would love to see her; he always does. She says he’s amazing. She loves him so much. He says he loves her too, and she asks if he wants to come. He says he’s got work to do, and to give Wiley a fist bump for him. When she’s gone, Chase gets on the phone.

Michael tells Sasha, Willow’s not available. She’s in love with Chase, and he’s in love with her. They’re amazing, and have been incredibly supportive, but they have a life together. He can’t ask them to put it on hold because of his custody fight. Nelle isn’t going anywhere, and it’s not like they could be married for two months and get a quiet annulment. Sasha says, Nelle would be all over that, and he says, she’d drag him back to court. It wouldn’t have to be forever, but it would be a while. Sasha has been amazing, being down with that. She has no idea how grateful he is, but that’s them, not Willow and Chase. She says she understands, but thinks he has to give Willow the choice. He can’t make the decision for her. Sasha’s phone dings, and she sees a text from chase. I need to see you. The MetroCourt restaurant. Don’t tell Michael. She tells Michael, it’s a minor crisis, but Lucy is freaking out. He tells her, go, and she says she’ll be back as soon as she can.

Valentin tells Nelle, he thinks they’re done, but she says, they’re just getting started. She says, they don’t have to be enemies. She can be a friend; more than that. She could be surprisingly good for him. He says he passes, and she says she may be forced to make trouble for him then.

On the phone with Charlotte, Lulu says she has to meet Maxie before she picks Charlotte up, but watch her phone. She’ll text Charlotte before she leaves. Charlotte has to get dressed for Violet’s party… She’s going. It’s not up for debate… Who’s going to be there? Georgie, Aiden, Avery… Yes, and Avery’s mother. She’d appreciate it if Charlotte would be polite. Enjoy her ride, and watch her phone.

Maxie tells Peter, when Nina and Valentin imploded, she was relieved not to be involved in their family disfunction, gritting her teeth and placating Nina. Lulu was sitting in judgement, but it all went away when Nina kicked Valentin to the curb. Yay. But now she’s working for him. He’s a silent partner, but their paths are bound to cross. She thinks Lulu makes things more difficult than they need be. What’s weird is, no one is more obsessed with their father than Lulu. She hero worships him. When Lulu was a kid, she was willing to travel the world, or jump off a cliff for him, but there were plenty of people who disapproved of him. Peter says, so he’s not that different from Valentin, and she says, you’d think Lulu would realize that Valentin’s daughter feels the same way as Lulu does about her own dad. She thanks him for letting her get it all out. She doesn’t want to vent to Lulu. There will be a huge, pointless fight that’s no good for anyone. She says she’ll see him later, and he tells her, good luck. She says she’s going to need it.

Anna tells Robert, she and Finn almost broke up over his mistrust of Peter. Then hard evidence surfaced that it was Obrecht, and Finn was reassured. He’s happy; let them be happy. He asks if she thinks he wants her unhappy, and she says she thinks he’s like a dog with a bone when it comes to Peter. Let Violet have her birthday, and let Finn be content. Don’t go digging around to fire things up again. It was Obrecht. She believes it, the WSB believes it, and soon, the Hague will believe it. Let the whole thing be over. He says he’s not saying another word. He’ll be the vison of politeness, but mutual co-existence is the best he can manage. Finn asks if he’s interrupting, and Robert says they were just remembering a party where they got Robin a pony, and she loved it. Somehow it got in the house. She says Robert left the door open. He says, it messed on the rug, but Robin loved it. Anna says, like Violet will. Finn asks if the clown arrived, and Robert says, he got there fifteen minutes ago.

Anna answers the door to Peter, and says she’s glad he could make it. He asks if Violet is excited, and she says, that’s an understatement. Violet runs in, and asks them to come outside and watch her ride the pony. Peter too. Robert says he has to double-check the balloons; could Peter help him? Anna asks if they’re sure they can play nice. When the rest go outside, Peter says Robert called him Peter. Is that a sign?

Maxie meets Lulu at the MetroCourt, and Lulu says she’s in a hurry. She has to pick Charlotte up, and get her home and dressed before Violet’s party. Maxie asks if Charlotte is still into riding, and Lulu says she had to put her foot down; Charlotte was spending so much time with Butterscotch. Valentin got the horse for her. Maxie says, funny Lulu should mention Valentin. As it turns out, she’s going to be working with him.

Valentin tells Nelle, he’s been thinking about the documents he forged to help her escape with Michael’s son. She says, her son, and he says, if the results of her machinations come to light, he’ll side with the father who’s trying to protect his son. She suggests he not piss her off, and he tells her not to jeopardize the child, or he’ll be forced to choose sides, and he doesn’t like her much to begin with.

Willow tells Michael, she hit the jackpot. She got to kiss Wiley as he was drifting off to sleep. He asks if Wiley did the cute ear tug thing, and she says, who needs a pacifier when you’ve got cute lobes? Sorry. He says, for what? She says she feels like she snuck in and stole the moment from him. He says he spends tons of time with Wiley; it’s all good. Since she agreed to testify, he thinks he should tell her, the hearing date was moved up to next week. She says, wow. What did Diane say? He says she thinks his chances would be better if he was married to her.

Robert tells Peter, that he would have loved to have found proof that Peter was a murderer and his father’s son, but frankly, it’s not there. He was wrong, and he’s admitting it. Peter appreciates that, and Robert says, everything points to Obrecht. It’s her modus operandi. She held Robert’s daughter captive; she held him captive. It had be her. He wasn’t convinced before because he didn’t want it to be true, but now he knows it is. Obrecht is on her way to the Hague, and he’s on board with that. Peter isn’t sure what to say, and Robert says, they’ll never be best buds, but he feels a mutual co-existence is manageable. Peter says it sounds good to him. Anna comes in, and asks if everything is all right. Robert says, peachy. He’s going out to see Violet in action. He leaves, and Peter says Robert claims to accept he’s innocent. Should he believe him?

Lulu says, sorry; what? and Maxie says she quit her job at Crimson, and landed at Deception with Sasha and Lucy. She’s excited. It’s more money, and even better, she’s on an equal footing with Lucy, and they’ll make executive decisions together. Lulu says, first, congratulations, but what does it have to do with Valentin? Maxie says, he’s a silent partner; it’s an angel investor thing. Lulu says, how? In what universe would Valentin team up with Lucy? Maxie says, this universe. She’s not sure how it went down, but Lucy said without Valentin, Deception would have been a non-starter. Lulu says Maxie can’t get involved with Valentin. He’ll do something terrible; double-cross her or worse. No one is less trustworthy. Where did the money come from? It was probably stolen. Maxie needs to walk away while she still can. Maxie says she’s not asking permission. She’s letting Lulu know, as a courtesy, what’s happening with her.

Valentin wants Nelle to get it straight. He forged the documents because it was beneficial to him to get her ELQ shares. Don’t think it didn’t bother him that Nelle wanted to escape with Michael’s son. She says, her son, and he says he could have given them her location, but it wasn’t necessary. Now he has the shares and the documents. Stay out of his way, and don’t make trouble, or he’ll end her dog and pony show. She says, so he’s going the enemy route, and he says, there’s no other option. She says, there could have been. He’s going to regret it. He tells her, don’t bet on it. Have a nice day.

Chase tells Sasha, so the best chance for Michael to keep Wiley would be to marry Willow, and she says, that’s where they’re at. He asks how she feels about it, and she says, not awesome. She loves Michael. She thinks there’s a chance he could be the one, under other circumstances. But under these circumstances, Michael has a kid with a psycho mother. Chase says, and she wants Michael to get Wiley away from his psycho mother, more than she wants him for herself. She says she does.

Michael hopes he didn’t put Willow on the spot, but she says, no. She asked, and Diane is insanely smart. If she thinks marrying her is the tipping point… He says he’s looking at it like a strategy, which is hard, since they’re human beings with feelings. It’s a little easier for him, since Sasha is on board, and supports whatever he feels is best for Wiley. Willow asks if he thinks marrying her would be best, and he says, Nelle has as much right as he does to Wiley. He can’t walk into court, and just say what a horrible person she is. It would be her legal right to do the same to him. It can’t be about proving how bad Nelle is, but what’s best for Wiley. If they’re talking strategy, and not feelings, she’s what’s best for Wiley.

Anna tells Peter, Robert will always be skeptical; that’s a fact. Peter did nothing wrong, and he’s not going to. That’s also a fact. Peter says, much to Robert’s chagrin, and she says, maybe. For all his faults, Robert is an honorable man. He’d never make anything up. She hopes, maybe in a couple of years, it will get easier. They might even like each other. He tells her, don’t hold her breath, and she says Robert is sucking it up because she asked him to. All the tension was making Finn worry, and contributed to their separation. He asks if she and Finn are good again, and she says, very good. Peter and Robert should be able to have a relationship that has nothing to do with her. They can loathe each other if they want, but they’re family, and that’s not how family acts. At least not this one. Peter says, family… and she says, he’s part of it.

Maxie tells Lulu, business is business. Is she going to Valentin’s for dinner? No. Will they be friends and bond? Lulu says, she certainly hopes not, and Maxie says, no, but Deception needed his involvement. He made Lucy an offer, and  she took the deal, and Maxie can’t argue with that. Lucy did her a huge favor by hiring her. Lulu says she thought Lucy said she wanted Maxie, and Maxie says, she did; then she didn’t. Long story. The point is, she’s there now, and so is Valentin. That’s just the way it is. Lulu says she doesn’t like it, but Maxie says, she’s not asking Lulu to like it, and doesn’t expect her to, but be real. Valentin is smart. Cassadine Industries was run into the ground when he took over. He’s the only reason the company is in the black. Lulu says, yay, and Maxie says, Valentin is a smart businessman. If he does for Deception what he did for his own company, than jackpot. Lulu says, if Maxie is honest, Valentin is the man who made Claudette disappear. Disappear disappear. Maxie says, that’s unconfirmed, and Lulu says Valentin shot her brother. Maxie says, he survived, and Lulu says, Valentin kidnapped Charlotte. Maxie says, it’s not kidnapping when you have custody, and Lulu says, he threw Ava off of a balcony. Maxie says, no one saw it, and Ava was drunk as a skunk. They can fight about it, but Lulu needs to ask herself, is it worth it to her? Because it’s definitely not worth it to Maxie. Valentin sees Lulu and Maxie talking.

Sasha tells Chase, she moved in with Michael to ward off Nelle. She loves being close to him, but it was more a necessity. Before this happened, marriage and kids weren’t even on her radar. Chase and Willow though… Chase remembers telling Willow that he has an agenda. He wants to spend more time with her as a couple, and see where things go. Is that something she wants? She says, very much, and he tells her, it’s the sort of conversation two people have when they love each other, and he loves her. She says she loves him too. He tells Sasha, Willow is the love of his life.

Michael tells Willow, it’s not just how she looks on paper; it’s how she is in person. Nelle is great at faking it, at being honest and altruistic, but Willow is all that and more. It’s like saccharine versus sugar. One tastes fine until you have the real thing. She’s the real thing, and so is her love for Wiley. He can’t say he wouldn’t love the chance to show that to the judge.

Anna says, popcorn before the party? and Finn says, Violet had to test it to make sure it’s okay. Anna says, quality control; she gets it. Violet wants her to come see the face painting and the photo booth, and drags her outside. Robert says, Violet is on cloud nine, and the party hasn’t even started. Finn did good. Finn thanks him, and tells him, come on. Finn asks if Peter is coming, but Peter says he has to make a quick call. Finn asks if Robert is going to get his face painted, and Robert says he could be persuaded. Finn says, princess or unicorn? They leave, and Peter makes a call. He says, it’s him. Robert may still be a problem. He wants to move for the distraction.

Lulu tells Maxie, she hates this, but gets it. She promises that Valentin’s involvement is for the same reason he bought Charlotte a horse. He wants to make himself look good to Maxie, the way the horse makes him look good to Charlotte. He’s always trying to show her up. My, she is self-focused. Maxie says, so much of it is in Lulu’s head, and Lulu says Valentin gave Charlotte unlimited access to his credit card. Maxie says, wow, and Lulu says, no wow. Charlotte could go to a jewelry store, and get a $10K necklace, and not bat an eye. Maxie tells her not to give Valentin more power by letting him come between them. She’s not resigning from her job. Lulu says, fine. Obviously, she doesn’t want to give Valentin more power or fight with Maxie. For the record, she’s happy for Maxie; she deserves it and she’s going to crush it. She loves Maxie. Maxie says she loves Lulu too, and Lulu says she has to pick up Charlotte. Maxie says, perfect timing; she has to get Georgie and James. They leave as Valentin watches.

Chase tells Sasha, you know something crazy? He was thinking about forever with Willow, only a month and a half in. When he’s with her, he’s home. Sasha says it’s not like they had it easy, and he says, no, but through all the struggle and hardship, watching Willow navigate it, made him love her more. Sasha says they have a right to be happy. As messed up and complicated as the custody situation is, it’s not his problem to solve.

Michael says he’s sorry for putting it on Willow; it’s not fair. If not for Chase, he’d marry her in a heartbeat. Willow thinks Chase loves her enough, that for Wiley’s sake, he would understand, but it’s not about Chase; it’s about her. Does that make her selfish? He says, not at all, and she says, if this is the only way, she’ll do it. Michael says, it’s not the only way. If it was, he’d throw himself on her mercy, offer her a million dollars, whatever it took; but he’s got the best lawyer in the state, and more assets at his disposal than Nelle. He can beat her. Willow asks if he promises that he’s not looking at her feelings instead of Wiley’s. He says he promises.

Chase asks where Michael’s head is at, and Sasha says, they talked about it, and she thinks he’s willing to marry Willow. He’s a good strategist, and knows how to put his feelings aside to get the outcome he wants. Willow isn’t like that. She’s not calculating like Michael, and she doesn’t mean that in a negative way. Chase says, Michael’s sole focus is on his son as it should be, and Sasha says, Willow can’t compartmentalize like that; she can only follow her heart. Chase says, so Michael would want to marry Willow? and Sasha says, she thinks the only reason he wouldn’t is out of respect for Chase and Willow. He knows how much they love each other. Chase says, he doesn’t know how Willow could be happy for the rest of her life if Nelle got custody of Wiley, and she knew she could have stopped it, but didn’t.

Tomorrow, Olivia says she hasn’t given up, Lulu tells Ava that she doesn’t want her daughter in the middle of this feud, and Sonny says somebody else needs a heads up.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi looks for ranch dressing, and Tom says he’s never gotten into ranch on pizza. This has never been more relevant to be, when I got fried mushrooms over the weekend from the local pizza place, and it came with ranch. I was like, WTF? Where’s the marinara sauce? In Katie’s interview, she says their wedding in the woods was everything, but now they have all their friends there for a fun weekend. When life hands you lemons, get married in Vegas. Both Tom and Stassi want to officiate, and they decide to do it together. Stassi asks if Tom is pissed, but he says no. In her interview, she says, it’s simple algebra. Her love for Katie and Schwartz outweighs her distain for Tom. Schwartz says, it’s going to be a fun, gimmicky Vegas wedding. He wants to give Katie another ring, and Stassi says she can’t even get one.

Scheana, Charli, and Danica go out for drinks. Danica says she woke up with red velvet cake all over her, and Charli says she did too. Scheana says, the only people allowed to touch her face are her makeup artist and Botox tech. She can’t go to the wedding, since she’s having surgery. She’s been hormonal, emotional, and sick. In her interview, she says tomorrow is her egg retrieval. It’s an emotional process. We flash back to her whining to Lala about doing it alone. Danica says she saw Scheana talking to Dayna, and wonders what’s up. Scheana says, it was a misunderstanding. The only thing that bothered her was that Dayna thought she liked Brett, but went out on a date with him, and told her afterward. She’d talked to Max, and he was cool about the Brett and Dayna thing, telling her it was just a casual lunch. Charli asks if Brett and Max aren’t best buddies.

At TomTom, Max shows Brett how to make some cocktails. In Brett’s interview, he says he’s not cut out to be a server, but he’s a great bartender, since he’s good at talking to people. Max says, Dayna loves espresso, and Brett can make it for her. Brett says he and Dayna made out at the party, but they didn’t plan it. He asks if it’s cool with Max, since he likes hanging out with Dayna. Max says, whatever, which usually means it’s not so cool. He says, if there’s a connection there, he can’t take that away. Brett says, if Max said he was overstepping, it would be a done deal.

Charli wonders if Brett is going around the restaurant, dating everyone. In her interview, she says she’s learned two things since moving to L.A. Everyone bangs everyone else, and they don’t care, and for men, a vagina has no face. She asks, who’s next? Lisa?

While shoe shopping, Lisa tells Ken about Brett saying he’d rather make out with her, and we flash back to that. Puffy! She asks if Ken is jealous, but he says, is she joking? He’s not going to be jealous of a whippersnapper. She says, for that, he’s buying her shoes, and she asks for the most expensive pair. The clerk shows her a pair of Vuittons, but she already has them in black, and tells him, keep going. She tells Ken that Tom and Katie are coming with them on the plane. They went through a lot to get them married, and when she found out it was null and void, she wants to see them do the paperwork this time. Now they’ve invited a bunch of others. In her interview, In her interview, she says, if she has to yank Schwartz down the aisle, they’re getting it done. She tells Ken Nick Alain is coming to Vegas, and they’re going over the plans for the Vanderpump Suite. In Lisa’s interview, she says the Vanderpump Cocktail Garden is a roaring success, so Caesar’s asked her to create a Vanderpump Suite. She’s loving the shoes, and tells Ken to get her out of there asap.

On the private plane, Tom says, this is legit, and Schwartz says, it’s too much. He asks if Lisa and Ken do this all the time, and Lisa wants to reiterate they’re to just have fun and seal the deal. He dropped the ball the last time, and Katie says Schwartz is just barely out of the doghouse. Lisa says at her house, the doghouse is a good place to be. Puffy! In Schwartz’s interview, he says, Puffy’s got it made.

In Vegas, Lisa and Ken check into the suite they’ve stayed in before, which will be the one they’re redesigning. The key has Lisa’s picture on it. The others arrive, and Lala is wearing a sheer duster. I love those.

At SUR, Dayna polishes the glasses, and Scheana says, it’s like déjà vu. Dayna asks if she’s working, but Scheana says she has her egg retrieval surgery tomorrow, and wants to get her pay in case she’s out for a few days. Dayna says they talked about the Brett situation, but Scheana went to Max and riled him up. He was fine before he talked to Scheana. Scheana says Brett thought it was just a casual lunch, but she’s sorry for commiserating with Max instead of having an adult conversation with Dayna. She owed that to her. Dayna says all she wants is for them to be real about what they’re thinking and feeling. She accepts Scheana’s apology, and wants to move on. In Dayna’s interview, she says Scheana is a goddam space cadet, but she appreciates the apology. She asks if Scheana is okay now, and Scheana says, 100%. She had a crush on Brett in the beginning, but they’re better as friends. She asks if Dayna is going hang out with Brett again, and Dayna says they’re having dinner with James and Raquel tomorrow. She tells Scheana, good luck with her egg retrieval.

Randall says, legally, this is a real wedding, and Lala says she’s excited. He asks if she thinks it’s going to trigger Stassi, and says Lala and Stassi have a lot in common. Lala says she’s tired of being a girlfriend; the girlfriend of a 47 year old man. In her interview, she says, when a man is in the 40 something range, he’s too old be a boyfriend. Leo DiCaprio should be a husband. She tells Randall, he’s too old to be a boyfriend.

Stassi and Tom work on the ceremony. Stassi says, they’re gathered here today, and Tom says, once again. Stassi suggests Tom and Ariana could get married there. In Ariana’s interview, she says, in this summer of weddings, it’s been nice to not constantly have to talk about if they’re getting married. She thanks Stassi for bringing it back up. Tom says Ariana still has to be convinced.

Brittany wants to get married again, and Jax says, absolutely not. In her interview, Brittany says, marrying Jax was special because it made them family. She wants that for Schwartz and Katie. Without that paper, they could easily part ways. Brittany questions Jax wearing a white jacket, but he says, it’s a bizarre situation. He doesn’t think there are any rules.

Schwartz loves his fringed jacket, and tells Katie, you know what else he loves? She says, her? and he pulls a bra out of his suitcase, saying, this bra. She says, it’s not hers. In his interview, Schwartz says he has no idea how it got in his suitcase. He tells Katie, she took the suitcase last time, but Katie says, WTF? This is not hers. She takes the bra, and ponders it.

Beau has a beer, and calls Stassi’s father Mark. He drinks more beer, and tells Mark that they’re in Vegas. In Beau’s interview, he says he definitely knows Mark speaks his mind. We flash back to them meeting, and Stassi saying she’s afraid Mark is going to scare Beau off. Mark says, it’s a father’s job to scare boyfriends off. Beau says, he’s intimidating. He tells Mark that he’s asking permission to propose to Stassi, and Mark says he was apprehensive when they first started going out. You don’t always know if it’s a perfect fit. He tells Beau, of course he can propose. He thinks they balance each other out, and make a great couple. He’s pleased. Beau says it means a lot, and he’ll make a good son-in-law when it happens. Mark says he can’t promise Stassi will make a good wife. Beau says, burn. He’s going to let her know Mark said that. He thanks Mark, and drinks some more.

Nick arrives, and Lisa says they’re going to meet with general manager Sean. Their ambition is to make the suite look more Vanderpumpian. She says Sean is the most handsome man she’s ever seen. He joins them, and he’s handsome, but I don’t know if he’s the most handsome. She shows him some photos, and says Nick is going to create a chandelier; his forte is lighting. In Lisa’s interview, she says it’s going to be top-of-the-line. Dignitaries, royalty, and movie stars will be staying there, but most important, she and Ken will stay there. Sean tells them that the restaurant surpassed expectation. Pretty soon, they’ll have 4000 Vanderpump rooms.

Charli asks Raquel how she and James are doing, and Raquel says, well. James is doing well on the path of sobriety, and it turns her on. In her interview, she says she doesn’t want to say the sex is better, because it wasn’t bad, but it’s not sloppy drunk sex, and wondering if it’s going to work or not. Raquel asks Charli if things are cool with Brett, and Charli says, as a friend. She thought she’d have a guy friend who didn’t want to bang her, but Raquel says, if you have guy friend, he’s 100% going to want to bang you. It doesn’t work any other way.

In Vegas, everyone goes to Lisa’s restaurant. Katie says, it’s Schwartz’s last night of freedom. Their waitress could be Scheana’s double, and Jax says he thought it was Scheana. In Stassi’s interview, she says, it’s definitely a Black Mirror episode. She feels like the waitress is going to jump on the bar, and sing Sweet As Silver. It is an uncanny resemblance.

Kristen visits Scheana, and asks how the surgery went. Scheana says she doesn’t know. The first time, she had nine good eggs, but even if there’s only one, she’s never doing this again. In her interview, Scheana says they do the retrieval in under five minutes, but she has to wait to find out if any of them are viable. She tells Kristen that Katie texted, saying she wished Scheana was there, and Kristen says she doesn’t want to accidentally hit any of their stories. In Kristen’s interview, she says, it’s effing devastating. It was ride or die with her two best friends, but now they keep going through huge life moments without each other. She tells Scheana that her feelings are hurt, but she can’t take the fighting. Happy wedding. Good Lord, find some new friends already.

Schwartz tells Jax about the bra. In his interview, he says he’s definitely innocent. He has a clear conscience and nothing to hide. Lisa tells Katie that she put some of her underwear in Schwartz’s suitcase. He didn’t file the paperwork, and everyone always says he’s never held accountable for anything. Now he’ll be held accountable for something he didn’t do (a scathingly brilliant idea). In Katie’s interview, she says she wants to see Schwartz sweat and be uncomfortable. She’s going to see how long she can keep it going. Lisa tells the Scheana clone to keep away from Max. She laughs, and Lisa says, she even laughs like Scheana. Max says, she’s like a mini Scheana, and Lisa asks about Dayna. He says she and Brett made out, and Lisa asks if Brett is stepping on any toes. Max says, he’s frustrated, but it is what it is. In Max’s interview, he says he supported Brett and Dayna’s friendship, but told Brett that he had feelings for Dayna. Tom suddenly announces they’re going ziplining, and tries to get Lisa to go. She says she’s already had a couple of drinks.

We see Lisa being hooked up to the zipline. She says she hasn’t done this since her honeymoon. Everyone ziplines, and it looks like a lot of fun. Lisa says she survived.

Katie tells Schwartz the bra isn’t hers, and she doesn’t know if she can marry him now. He flops face down on the bed and moans. She says she’s just screwing with him. He says they have to figure out whose bra it is, and she asks whose bra he wishes it was. He says, Lisa’s, and she laughs. She says, Lisa put it in his suitcase yesterday. In Katie’s interview, she says Lisa is Schwartz’s hall pass. Go for it, and good luck. He tells her that he smelled it, and doesn’t want to give it back. In his interview, he says Katie had him for a second. It was the best prank. He tells Katie he wants to keep it, but not in a weird way. She says, there is no other way.

Danica visits Dayna, who’s going through some new clothes she bought online. In Dayna’s interview, she says, it’s hard to be a sexy girl in L.A. on a budget. She goes for cheap, slutty clothes, so it’s a win-win. Danica asks, what’s going on with Brett? and Dayna says they kissed during the cake fight. She doesn’t know what’s going on, but he makes her vagina tingle. The other issue is Max. Danica thinks he’s immature, but doesn’t think Brett is the person for Dayna either. She deserves better. In Danica’s interview, she says Dayna is a Leo and Brett is a Pisces, and they don’t mix. She slathers on some lip gloss, and says she’s dated two Pisces. She’s a Leo, and that’s why she has restraining orders against her. It’s not her fault; they were too sensitive. Dayna says she appreciates Danica’s concern, and Danica says she knows Dayna has good sense and judgment, and she wants her to use it.

Tom goes to Schwartz’s suite, dressed like a poor man’s Elvis. Schwartz asks for a quarter shot. He says, Lisa’s bra smells like opulence; diamonds, rosé, and tangerines. In his interview, Tom says, the theme is bizarro character Vegas. Schwartz is cowboy glam, marrying his glam rocker bride. Ariana is an enthusiastic middle-aged tourist, Lala is a glitter babe, Stassi is a nun, and he’s the king of extra. It’s the perfect Vegas wedding.

Lisa tells Stassi that the nun outfit suits her. Ariana comes in wearing her tourist garb, and Lisa says everyone who works for her is batsh*t crazy. Katie walks down the aisle, and Tom tells everyone, be seated. They’re gathered here once again. He shows that they have the proper documents, and everyone applauds. Stassi says, it’s a twice in a lifetime event, and feels it’s all Schwartz’s fault. Stassi says, now Schwartz gets his dream wedding of all of them getting sh*tfaced in Vegas. In Jax’s interview, he says there’s nothing more on brand for Schwartz and Katie, but his and Brittany’s wedding was better. Schwartz and Katie vow to be each other’s ride or die all their lives, and in the afterlife. They’re pronounced husband and wife, and Tom says, let’s sign this sh*t right now. Katie throws the bouquet, and Stassi catches it.

Dayna and Brett go on their double-date with Raquel and James. Brett asks, what’s going on? He saw James talking to Lala. James says, Lala has had a lot of patience with him. We flash back to them hugging it out, and James says he feels like they’re coming to a real place. Raquel says Lala has been where James is, making the decision not to drink, and has been encouraging. In his interview, James says he’s been sober for two weeks, and has had no fights with anyone. It’s been an amazing two weeks. Brett reminds Dayna that he licked her face at the party, and Dayna says Danica has been messing in her business since Max, and Brett says, she overdramatizes every situation. In Brett’s interview, he says Danica has been poisoning his garden, and he only wants non-GMO things growing in there. He mentions flirting with Lisa, and James says Lisa has been like his mom, and he’s never flirted with her. In his interview, Brett says, working at SUR, he’s seen beautiful women, but there’s nothing like when Lisa walks through the room. If she wasn’t married, he’d definitely slide into her DMs. Hard. I’ll bet she’d slide him right out. Hard. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Lisa is hot.

Back in Vegas, after the ceremony, everyone applauds when Schwartz and Katie come in. Jax says he’s going to keep his speech short. He’s happy they got married a second time, and speaks for Brittany as well when he says, welcome to married life. He thanks Schwartz for effing up, so they could go to Vegas. Lisa says Schwartz owes her big time. We find out Scheana’s twin’s name is Karrah, and Max says he slipped her his number. Stassi says he’s hooking up with Scheana’s doppelganger? They toast with shots, and Beau tells Lisa that he’s proposing soon to Stassi. He’s got the rings, and she has no idea. It’s epic. In his interview, Beau says most people are nervous about the girl’s father, but he has her group of friends to make him nervous, and he has to ask Lisa. He tells Lisa that he’s going to propose in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Lisa is happy, and knows Stassi loves him. She says she knew Ken was the one because she didn’t want to spend life without him. Puffy! She knows Beau feels that way about Stassi, and promises to keep it a secret. Stassi gazes at Beau.

The next morning, Beau tells Stassi, it’s hard be a normal human. She orders a Bloody Mary from room service, using a British accent, and Beau adds an English muffin. She tells Beau that she caught the bouquet, and don’t forget it. They pack.

Lisa tells Ken, there are some liquor distributor bills that need to be sorted out, and gets Max on a video call. She asks if he paid them, and he says he did. He tells her that the other guys left the place a mess, and she tells him not to leave the room looking like a brewery; it will reflect badly on her. She asks to see the room, and says, it looks terrible; clean it up. She tells him to show her the bed again, and sees a hand peeking out. She asks, what’s with that? and he says he brought a friend home. It’s Karrah, and Max says, she’s very tired. Karrah says, she’s not tired from him; she promises. Lisa says, he’s got to be effing kidding. In her interview, she says why is she not surprised? Max didn’t waste any time getting in trouble. She tells Karrah, get out of bed and clean the room. Max says they’ll talk later, and she says, don’t worry; they will. In Max’s interview, he says he hates Vegas. Lisa tells Ken, Max is already banging the staff, as if he hasn’t banged enough people already.

Katie asks Schwartz where the paper is, and he knows he has it, but can’t find it. In her interview, she says she married an imbecile, but it’s okay. He insists there’s no chance he lost it, and she says, it’s literally the whole reason they’re there, and he couldn’t hold on to it for an hour. She’s going to tell Lisa. In his interview, Schwartz says he didn’t lose what matters most… Lisa’s bra. Katie hopes it turns up, but Schwartz says, they’re still legally married. She asks if he’s sure about that.

Next time, Dayna flirts with Brett, James and Lala record some new music, and Beau wants to remain friends with Kristen, which makes Stassi mad.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Lushion sees Ian and Alex having sex through the window, and blocks Brad’s view, telling him she’s not there. Brad says he didn’t knock, but Lushion says he remembered Ian left. Brad asks if his car isn’t there, and Lushion says, he had somebody pick him up; let’s go. Brad says Alex left the kids home with a babysitter who has to go to school tomorrow. Lushion doesn’t know what came over her, and Brad thinks she’s lost her mind. He says he’ll be at the house, and if Alex calls, let him know. He tells Lushion, Marcie thinks something happened to Alex, and Lushion says, it’s a legit question. Brad thinks nothing happened, and Alex is just mad about the divorce papers. She knew the babysitter would call him. Lushion says, these things are difficult. Wait at the house until Alex gets home. He can call, and see if Alex picks up; the kids shouldn’t be home alone. Brad says, Marcie is there. He’s sorry he got Lushion out of bed, but Lushion says, no problem.

At home, Natalie wants to know what’s going on, and Lushion says she reminds him of Miss Ross. She asks, who’s that? and he says, she was an amazing woman. He thinks she liked her scotch, and she’d sit on the porch, saying, see you don’t come on the grass. Leave the cats alone. Natalie wonders what he’s talking about, and he asks why she’s always in somebody’s business. Why does she have to know everything? She says, it’s the middle of the night, there’s a knock at their door, and she’s not supposed to ask questions? He tells her, it was Brad, and she asks what Brad wanted. She knows this is Lushion’s way of trying to ignore her. She knows him, and he does this when there’s something she should know, and he doesn’t want her to. Like with the money in his account. What’s the situation with Brad? Or does she have to ask him herself? Lushion says, he was looking for Alex, and Natalie says, she’s not home? He says, if she was home, Brad wouldn’t be looking for her. She asks if he thinks something happened, but he says, no. She asks how he knows, and suggests calling Alex, but he says, it’s not necessary. She thinks they should ask Ian, but he says, it’s none of their business. She says, something could have happened, but he says Alex isn’t missing. She’s at Ian’s house. Natalie asks why she’d be there this late, and he says, they’re having sex. Natalie says, just tell her, without the condescending bullsh*t. He says he and Brad walked over to Ian’s, and he saw them through the window having sex. Natalie says, with each other? and I wonder who else she thought they’d be having sex with. She asks if Brad saw, but he says, no. She starts to leave, but he says, no; she’s not going over there. It’s none of their business. She wants to tell Alex to take her ass home, and he says he thought about that, or talking to Ian, but it’s not their business. He’s going to sleep. She says, okay, but Alex has lost her damn mind.

Eddie has a large Black cellmate, and Eddie says, keep looking at him. His cellmate says, don’t worry, he is. Eddie calls for the guard, and dude says, they come and go every fifteen minutes. Eddie says, oh, he can count to fifteen. He talks stupid, and Eddie is tired of hearing his mouth. Black people talk stupid. Dude comes up on him, and Eddie asks why he’s waiting, all gangster. Dude says, he’ll be patient, and Eddie says he’s going to sleep, and gets in the top bunk. Dude grabs him off of the bunk, and Eddie says he’s not scared of him. Dude punches him, and Eddie laughs. Dude calls Eddie a crazy MF’er, and Eddie says, it’s what he lives for. Dude keeps punching him, and a guard comes by. He asks what the hell dude is doing, and yanks him out of the cell. Kelly asks if dude hit Eddie for her. She hopes he beats Eddie’s ass. Eddie says, he’s alive and well, and she says, it’s a shame. He says, it’s the same thing she was saying about Travis, and she tells him, go to hell. He says he’s going to sleep. If she shut the hell up, it would be great. She starts to sing Amazing Grace, and Eddie says, He ain’t coming to save her. She says, when anything happens with God, it stirs the devil. Something bad is going to happen to him. He thanks her for the revelation, and she says it’s going to be the person he least expects. He calls her Harriet, and tells her to fire up the Underground Railroad, and get her ass to sleep. She says, mark her words, and he says, goodnight. She says she feels sorry for him, and he says her ass is going to burn in the electric chair.

Marcie looks on the laptop, and tells Brad, she can’t believe all these guys. He says don’t remind him. She says they need to chat. She thinks they both need to be tested. With Alex doing all that, how could he know? She’s never had anything. Brad says, neither has he, but she thinks they should be on the safe side. Brad agrees, and she says he should take Alex back to court. She’s getting half of his income, and she’s not even taking care of the kids. She’s taking advantage of him. He says this is making him angry, and she says, he’s about be more angry. He says, don’t tell him anything else, and she gets up. She says, the baby is crying. She’ll get him. They can’t let him cry. She goes upstairs.

Marcie holds the baby, and says she’s sorry he was born into this. He doesn’t deserve this. Here he is though. No matter what anyone says to him, remember he’s special. Brad comes in, and she hands him the baby, saying, sorry. She wipes her tears away, and says, he’s so innocent and helpless. Alex is like a factory, and has a good man in her life, but she’s whoring around. Brad tells her, try to calm down, and she says she hopes the bitch is trapped in a ditch, and dead. She’s ruined every life she touches, and her marriage. Brad says, she was unhappy, and he can’t blame her for everything. What they can do is try to get through this, and move on. She says she thought they had it figured out, but… She leans on him, and he puts his arm around her. She says, he’s a beautiful baby, and Brad agrees he is.

At the bar, Nurse Pat (I finally found out her name) tells Rick, the sun is coming up. Take her home, but don’t think he’s sleeping with her. He’s not coming near her. He says he’s not ready to go, and she says, they’re closing. She’s going to call an Uber, and he says, she’s just leaving him? She says, he’s too drunk to drive, and he says they live on the same street, but she says she’s not walking. He says, it’s three blocks, and she says she’s been on her feet all day. He says they were dancing, and she says that was more on her feet. He wants one for the road, but she says he doesn’t need anything else. He says he needs her, and she says he needs a flea bath. He says, now he’s a dog too? and she says, a ho is more like it. He asks if she’s not giving him any information, and she takes an envelope out of her purse. She hands it to him, saying it’s a typed letter; it’s all she knows. He opens it, and looks at it. He says, she signed it, and thanks her. He says she had this all the time? and she says she doesn’t like Kelly, but she feels sorry for her. It’s a sworn affidavit. He says, damn, and she made him do all this? She says she wanted to see how long he would go on. He thanks her again, and she asks if he’s ready to take her home. He says, no, but he’ll walk her to the Uber. She says he was just trying to sleep with her to get information, and he says he was going to take one for the team. She says he’s an ass, and he says, she’s sexy, and they leave.

Steven stops by Kelly’s cell, and she thanks him for calling Lushion. He asks how she’s holding up, and she says, okay, except for the ass next door. He says, sorry about that, and Eddie says, come on. He’s had his fun, putting that dude in there. He’s done with this game, and still pays Esperanza’s mortgage. He’ll stop by when he wants. He says, open the damn cell door, but Steven says, not yet. He still has to process the paperwork. Eddie tells him, do what he needs to, and get him out. Steven says, get comfortable, but Eddie says he’s not playing. When he gets out, it’s going to beat Steven’s ass. Kelly and I laugh, and Eddie calls her the wicked witch. Steven says, it looks like Eddie will be there a while.

Esperanza sees Steven at the copy machine. He says, it’s a great day, and she says she loves how incredibly optimistic he is. She’s thought about what he told her, and she’s going to see someone. She’s not using the insurance, since she doesn’t want anyone to think she’s crazy. He says, asking for help isn’t crazy, but do it her way. She says she’s also going to subpoena Eddie. She’s serving him now. Steven says, it’s about time. Stand her ground; he has her back. She says he’s really patient, and thanks him.

Larry is sleeping next to his partner in leather. His wife says, good morning. He knows the rules. He says he does, and apologizes. He tells leather guy to wake up and go home. He should have been gone. She says Larry knows their agreement, and he asks how her weekend was. She says, good, and he asks who she was with. She says, Allison, and he says, she’s fun. His wife says, she’s become too needy. They have to get her off the list; she’s more trouble than she’s worth. He tells her, if she says so. She asks if leather guy can get dressed slower, and Larry says, boss lady is here; go in the other room. He leaves, and she tells Larry, Allison told her something interesting. Something happened with the church, and he should talk to Ian. Something suspicious is going on, and he should look into it. He says he’ll check it out at the office. He says leather guy was pretty good, but not as good as her. Does she want to have some fun before he leaves? She says, it would be breaking another rule, and he says, her loss. She asks if leather guy needs to be paid, and Larry says, leather guy paid him. She says, maybe they should keep him around.

Rick is sleeping on the couch, and Pat tells him, get his ass up. Why is he at her place? Did they…? He says, yeah, and she says, damn. She looks around for a condom, and says if she doesn’t find a wrapper, she’ll shoot his ass. He says they didn’t use one, and tells her, he’s joking. They didn’t have sex. She tells him, quiet. She’s communicating with her vagina. He asks what it said, and she says, okay. Her vagina said they didn’t do anything. He’d better not tell anybody. Get his sh*t and go.

Natalie tells Lushion, he needs to pick the kids up; she has to go into work. He says he thinks it’s time she quit to be a stay-at-home mom. She says she’s been working all her life, and he says, maybe it’s time for her to stop. She says then she’d have to depend on him for everything. He asks if she doesn’t trust him, and she says, it’s not that. She doesn’t want to be waiting for him to bring home a check; it doesn’t feel right. He says, it needs to start feeling right. He thinks he wants another baby. She says they have three kids, plus another kid, Justice. Is he serious? He says he is, and she says she’ll think about it. He says, so that’s a no? but she says she didn’t say that. She needs to think about it. She promises she will, and says she loves him.

Rick is waiting outside for Lushion, who says he really needs to call first. Rick says he has to bring him this, and gives him the affidavit. He says, it’s from Pat, the nurse in the jail infirmary. Lushion looks at it, and says, good. She gave him up. With what Kelly has, it’s all going to come together. They’ve got him now, and have to make sure the DA gets him.

Eddie tells the guard to bring his rookie bald ass over there. Kelly hopes he rots in there. He says, screw her, and she calls him stupid. He says she killed a man in cold blood, and they have it on camera. He says she’s a fake-ass Christian, and she says he’s not getting under her skin. He says she’s a dumb bitch, and Steven appears, and says, leave her alone. Eddie says, let him out, but Steven says he’s been charged with driving under the influence. Wait until Eddie sees what he blew. Eddie laughs, and Steven says, not that. His blood alcohol level. And there were drugs in his system. Eddie says, Steven thinks he gives a damn? Steven says he doesn’t think the DEA is going to be happy to find out. Eddie says Steven set him up, and Steven says he set himself up. Eddie is sure this is Steven and Lushion’s grand plan; it’s gang up on Eddie day. Steven says, it’s going to be gang raped when Eddie goes to prison day, and Eddie says he’s got it all figured out. Steven tells Eddie, think what he wants, and Kelly asks if Lushion is in yet. Steven says Lushion is on his way, and Kelly asks him to have Lushion come and see her right away. Steven says he will, and leaves.

Larry sees Randal digging in the trash, and laughs. Randal asks if Larry thinks it’s funny, and Larry says, not at all. Randal says, that bastard knocked him off a ladder, and destroyed his house. Larry says, sorry. Is he okay? Randal says, he wants them, and Larry asks if he has proof. Randal says he knows in his gut, and Larry says he can’t take Randal’s gut to court. Randal says he has a hard drive, but his camera is busted. Larry says he can take it to a friend who can pull what’s on it. Randal thanks him, and Larry asks where the cameras are. Randal says, hidden, and Larry says he didn’t see them. Randal says, that’s the point, and Larry says, touché. He wonders if Randal has what they did to Eddie on video; he wouldn’t be opposed to seeing it again, but Randal says he doesn’t have cameras in the house. Larry says, a hard drive can even show things Randal thinks he erased, and Randal says, maybe he shouldn’t give it to Larry. Larry asks what he’s hiding, and Randal says, nothing. Larry says, he can’t sue without evidence, and Randal tells him, go to hell. He’ll give some kid the hard drive. Larry says Randal needs all the control, and starts to walk away. Randal says, when he gets the evidence, he wants Larry to sue them, and Larry says, Randal’s wish is his command.

Eddie sings Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen, and I nearly die laughing. Esperanza goes to Kelly’s cell, and asks how she is. Kelly says, girl, and Esperanza says she knows. Kelly asks if Esperanza has seen her son, and Esperanza says she hasn’t. Kelly asks if she can go see him, and Esperanza says she will. Kelly asks if Esperanza knows who’s next door, and Esperanza says that’s why she’s there; to serve him. Kelly says, it’s going be fun, but Esperanza says, no; it’s not, but she’s finally ready. Kelly says, when she gets out, she’s going to fight like hell to take control of her life. It’s going to be a new day. Travis did this to a lot of other women, and she’s getting out. She got weak, and wondered what the hell was wrong with her, feeling sorry for herself. She didn’t do anything wrong. Travis came after her, and taunted her. All she did was defend herself. Esperanza suggests she stop talking about it in there. There’s about to be hell. She moves on to Eddie’s cell, and he says speak of the trouble he’s seen, here’s the bitch at his cell door. How did she know he was there? She says, the whole station knows. She didn’t come to talk. He asks why she’s there, and she hands him the subpoena. She says she sent a registered copy to his boss, and filed it at the courthouse. Eddie says she and Steven did this; they set him up. She says, how? and he says they got him a DUI. She says, really? Did they make him drink or do drugs? He did this sh*t all by himself. It’s done. He says, it isn’t done, and she says, this conversation is done. He says, no; she’s done. He’s going to kill this bitch. He doesn’t care how many cameras are filming him. If she takes his little girl, the only thing he loves, he’s going to kill her. She says she thinks his performance is on tape, but he says he doesn’t care. Her blood is going to be on the street. She walks away, and she and Kelly grab hands as she walks past. Eddie says Kelly’s ass is going to the electric chair, and she says, after him. He says he’s got a DUI; she’s a murderer, and they’re going to fry her ass. He tries to reach into her cell, but can’t. He says he’s only there for three days; her ass is going to be in the electric chair. He tosses the subpoena out of the cell, and yells for someone to open the damn door.

Esperanza says, Steven was listening. He says maybe he overheard. She asks if he heard Eddie say he’s going to kill her, but he tells her not to worry. She asks how long they can keep him, and he says, not long enough, but it’s okay. She’ll be fine. They can go out later, and have some fun on the range. He’ll turn her into a sharpshooter.

Ian wakes up on the kitchen island next to Alex. He tells her to wake up. She sits up, and says, what the hell? Where is she? He says, in his house, and she looks around. She asks, what the hell is going on? and he says she overslept. She asks how she got there, and what is she doing there? He says, she doesn’t remember? She came over last night. She says, no; what’s going on? She didn’t want that. Ian says, she came over, and she was drinking a lot. She says, did he just… He says, hold on, and she says he drugged and raped her. He says, no; he didn’t.

Next time, Alex tells Brad she never wanted this, Larry says they have to talk to the DA about Travis, Ian asks what Alex last remembers, Eddie grabs the Bible from Kelly, and Ian tells Randal to watch himself.

💸 A Reprieve…

At least this year, I don’t have that stomach clutch that comes just before April 15th. Even though there are a whole group of new clutches to replace it. Stay safe, and be cool, honey bunny.