Category Archives: Lisa Vanderpump

May 5, 2020 – Elizabeth Tells Nikolas To Let Spencer Decide, Lucci Speaks, Jax Has an Episode, Kelly Gets Good News & Nick Sings Star Wars


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

It’s going to be one of those weeks. I missed the beginning. In a nutshell, Ava wailed to Franco about Nikolas; Nelle met with Martin, who said the burden would be on her in the courtroom; and Sam clapped back at Kristina.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas, find someone else to confide in; she’s busy. He says he never meant for Hayden to stay away, and she says he uses people. He lies to their faces. His son grieved for him for two years, and instead of welcoming him when he returned, Nikolas lost him. Nikolas says Spencer sent him a letter saying he’s willing to explore their relationship again, and she says, that’s great news. His kid worships him, but she’d said it would take time for Spencer to heal. He tells her, don’t pop the champagne cork just yet. There’s a condition. He has to leave Ava. She says, that’s not a condition; it’s a get out of jail free card. Get rid of Ava, and bring Spencer home.

Franco tells Ava, Nikolas doesn’t respect or love her, and she says she doesn’t need his love and respect. His fortune is a different matter. He says she owns the penthouse, and the gallery, which is very successful. She says, none of that is Cassadine Island. They have properties all over the world, a centuries old fortune, and a prominent family name. He gets it. She wants to be queen of the castle. Find a real prince, and dump the frog. She says they have to discuss where she should hang the portrait. Over the fireplace seems cliché. She starts to babble, and he says he knows the real reason she married Nikolas.

On the phone, Carly tells Michael, Diane is thoroughly prepared to prove he’s the better parent. Nelle can try to con the judge, but it won’t work. The truth will come out.

Nina tells Jax, there’s nothing worse than being caught in the nightmare of a custody battle. It’s more difficult when the parent adores and is good for the child. He says, Valentin falls short on morals, ethics, and scruples, but she says Charlotte will make him a better person. He’s crazy about her. Jax says she’s a softie, and she says, because she’s willing to give Valentin the benefit of the doubt when it comes to Charlotte? Carly knocks on the door, and Nina says, it’s a bad time. What’s going on? Carly says, Wiley’s custody hearing is tomorrow, and she wonders if Nina has anything they can use against Nelle.

Nelle asks Martin why she’s paying so much money to him, if the case depends on her. He says she hasn’t had the most stable time in Port Charles, or anywhere else. She says they’re talking now, not the past. She has a respectable job at a famous magazine, not that she needs the money. She has a sale document from the purchase of the cutest house the judge has ever seen. Martin says, it looks like she put the money from the sale of her ELQ stock to good use. She says she’s ready to fight. It’s not looking good for Carly. Michael reminds her that she’s challenging Michael, not Carly, but she says Carly is pulling the strings, but it’s not enough. She’s going to lose because Michael just suffered a shattering breakup with Sasha. She left him for one of his best friends. Martin says, and she didn’t leak it to The Invader. She says, Wiley’s mother is not mean-spirited or malicious. He’s going to tell them. He asks her if she can keep a partner, or do they all die on her?

Ava tells Franco, they need to focus on the portrait. It needs to be hung before the gala. He says she can call it what she likes, but he knows it’s a certified nightmare pretending to be a gala. She asks why he thinks he knows her, and he says he knows what he sees in his eyes when she sits for him. She’s living with the consequences of her choices. In some weird way, her choices are motivated by love, and now she’s committed to a loveless situation with Nikolas. He gets it. She’s punishing herself for Kiki’s death.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas that Spencer has always been wise beyond his years. Look how smart he is now. It’s the perfect incentive for Nikolas to ditch Ava. Getting ride of her will take him a long way to turning into the good guy he is. He says he’s not a good guy, and she says, he was to her. He says he’s a Cassadine. If he divorces Ava, he loses everything; it’s in the agreement he signed. She asks if having Spencer back in his life wouldn’t be worth it, and he says he dreams about him and Spencer. Hanging out, laughing at nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. She says, his dream is coming true. Get rid of Ava. He says, it’s not that simple, and she says, because of the money? There’s got to be another reason. He doesn’t actually have feelings for Ava, does he?

Sam says, how dare Kristina? She has no idea what she’s talking about. Kristina says Sam and Jason are danger junkies. It’s what brought them together, and sustains them. It’s the day to day they can’t stand. Sam says the only thing she’s wanted is to keep her family safe, and Kristina says, that’s what she wanted with Drew. When Jason came back, they were ride or die again. They’re like Romeo and Juliet. Alexis says, enough, and Molly says, Sam and Jason’s love is real. Kristina says, no question Jason would die for Sam. He just can’t live for her.

Nelle tells Martin, Zack had an unfortunate accident, and he says, tell that to Diane. She says she pled guilty to spare the family more pain. He says he’s getting out the violin, and she says, while she was in prison, she prevented Ryan’s escape, and he almost took her good kidney. He says, she’s good; he’ll give her that. But if he brings up Michael’s bad relationships, hers will be in question as well. She says Shiloh was the love of her life, and his life was tragically cut short by Sam, who’s a good friend of Michael’s family. She cries herself to sleep every night because she’s still grieving. They made her a widow. He says he’ll use the argument, and asks if she’s come up with any character witnesses who can attest to her moral character. Who can testify as to her integrity, humanity, and compassion.

Nina says Nelle hasn’t worked for her for very long, and she hates to admit it, but she’s been an exemplary employee. Carly asks, what’s going on? Nina said she hired Nelle to keep an eye on her and help prove she’s an unfit parent. Nina says she can’t give Carly what she doesn’t have. Carly says Nelle refused to consent to Wiley’s surgery, and he’s going to need another one in six months so he can lead a happy, healthy life. If it’s up to Nelle, he won’t get it. Nina asks if Carly has ever tried listening to Nelle without jumping down her throat. Wouldn’t Wiley be better served if Michael compromised? No two parents hated each other more than Lulu and Valentin, but they put their differences aside for Charlotte’s sake, and Charlotte is better off. Jax says, sharing custody with Nelle wouldn’t be the best situation for Wiley, and Nina asks if the love of both parents isn’t the best situation. Carly asks if Nina is telling her that Nelle won her over.

Nikolas tells Elizabeth, he has anger, frustration, and profound distaste for Ava, and she asks if that isn’t enough to kick Ava out of his life. He says she doesn’t know what it’s cost him, surviving the shooting, and the fall. How long it took to heal, and planning his return. It was meticulously thought out. He was determined to keep alive the need to reclaim his name and Spencer’s birthright. She says, Spencer doesn’t care about his birthright; he just cares about Nikolas. He won’t be out in the street. 10% is a lot of money. He says, not enough for the way Spencer expects to live, and she asks if he’s talked to Spencer. She takes out her phone, and tells Nikolas, call him now. Ask what he’d rather have; his money or his dad?

Ava says Franco is wrong. He says she’s sabotaged any chance of her own happiness because she blames herself for hurting Kiki. Ava says she did hurt Kiki, over and over. She’ll never forgive herself, but it has nothing to do with this. Franco says she didn’t kill Kiki; Ryan did. But she’d rather fill her head with thoughts about how to deal with her creepy husband, than deal with thoughts of Kiki. Ava tells him to stop caring about her. Why doesn’t he go back to being the psychopath he used to be?

Nelle tells Martin, Carly locked her out on the hospital roof, while Carly’s mother forged a document consenting to unnecessary surgery on her son. He says, so she has no one to vouch for her character? She says she was at the hospital every day. The nurses saw her, and can attest to her maternal instincts. She even brought them donuts. He says he was thinking of someone she’s known longer than a month. Michael is going to have a veritable parade of character witnesses that are pillars of the community and upstanding citizens.

Nina says, maybe Nelle is trying to be a better person, and be the best mother she can. Carly says Nelle is a pathological liar, incapable of accepting kindness or showing love or affection. She’ll leave Wiley emotionally damaged like she is. Nina says, what about mental illness? and Carly says, she left Michael to die, and convinced Brad to switch babies. She’s a sociopath who’s totally playing Nina. Jax says he thinks Nelle is taking advantage, and Nina says, what if people judged Carly on who she used to be? What if she was kept away from her kids because of her past mistakes? What if no one had stood by her or spoke up for her? What kind of person would she be now?

Sam asks Kristina, what’s that supposed to mean? Alexis says she’d like to know too. Molly says, Jason put everything on the line to save Kristina, and she repeatedly said she was grateful. Kristina says, that’s not the point. Sam asks what her point is. Kristina has always supported their relationship, and Jason loves Kristina. How can Kristina say he wants to be away from her? Kristina says, their relationship is always hotter when they’ve been forced apart. If there was no drama, they wouldn’t survive.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas to call Spencer. Or is he afraid of what the answer might be? Nikolas says he’s not certain. When he saw Spencer, he said he didn’t care about the money, but that’s a lie. Spencer was born into the lifestyle he’s enjoyed since he was a child. There’s no way he’d give it up for this. She says, one thing she’s learned parenting Cameron is, you can’t make assumptions about teen boys. Cameron hated Franco, and now they’re each other’s biggest fans. Nikolas says, and it has nothing to do with Cameron’s mother being in love with Franco? She says, nice change in subject, and he asks if it’s working. He says he is curious about her and Franco. How did such two totally different people find happiness? She says, it took a while. Franco is kind, funny, and stood by her when she was the town pariah. They connected over art. Or at least they used to.

Franco tells Ava he’s not a psycho anymore, even if her invitation says otherwise. She says he had a brain tumor to blame. She doesn’t have that excuse. He says she doesn’t want that. He still has to deal with the people he’s hurt in his head every day. It’s not something that goes away. She asks how he copes, and he says, Elizabeth, her boys, he makes art, and helps patients through art therapy. She says, a healthy way to deal with the pain. Why didn’t she think of that? He says she’s not someone who does healthy, and she laughs. She says she prefers to play to her strengths. She’s not good at finding love, but she knows how to make money. Franco says, she does things like exploit his bad boy genius artist reputation. She says, he’s okay with that, isn’t he?

Nelle tells Martin, she has no family; her childhood was terrible. A good lawyer can make that work in her favor. He says he’ll pour it out, and she says she just wanted to give her son the life she never had. He says the judge will want to know the mother has someone in case of an emergency, the way the Quartermaines and Corinthoses came to Michael’s aid about Wiley’s heart condition. It’s going to be hard to convince a judge that a loving mother would prevent that. Every specialist agrees it improves the quality of life. Too bad she had no one to lean on when she had to make that decision; a close friend who could give her wise counsel and emotional support. She says, so he’s telling her that if she doesn’t have a dozen people saying what a good person she is, she can lose Wiley? He says, to be honest, the best she can hope for is shared custody.

Jax asks Carly and Nina to dial it down. He agrees custody fights are a nightmare, but Josslyn was fortunate because they stopped fighting before she was old enough to remember, but even when they were at odds, he not worried Carly would hurt Josslyn, or not allow her to be given medical attention to spite him. Nina says, they changed. Feelings change, people grow, and Josslyn is better for having the love of both parents. Why can’t Carly learn from the past, and give Nelle a little break? Jax says she can’t compare the two situations, and Carly says she never used Josslyn’s health as collateral, and risked her heath and safety to punish the family. That’s what Nelle did. There’s more to motherhood than biology. Carly guesses Nina doesn’t understand because she’s never been a mother.

Nelle asks why she’s paying Martin so much, if all he can get her is shared custody? She’s been telling Michael, he’ll be lucky if he sees the kid once a month. Martin says, it’s not going to help if she calls Wiley the kid before the judge, and she had no business threatening Michael. She says she thought it was a fact. She wants a refund on the large advance she paid him. He says that’s not happening, so she might as well hear him out and get her money’s worth. Michael’s family is a wise bunch, and if she’ll forgive the pun, they’re going to pull out everything to ensure Michael gets sole custody. Nelle asks if he isn’t even a tiny bit prepared. He says, he will be. The question is, if she gets custody, shared or otherwise, is she prepared to be a mother?

Franco tells Ava, he used, manipulated, and hurt a lot of people. Ava says, it helped sell paintings. Talent can only get you so far. Franco says, thanks, and they laugh. She says, it’s true though. People are fascinated by his criminal past. He provides the required talent, and she’ll remind the public who he was. He says he’s okay with that for the most part, but he’s not so sure Elizabeth is on board. She says, it’s not about Elizabeth, but he says, it’s all about Elizabeth. They had an argument, and he said something stupid that hurt her feelings. She says, they have a strong marriage. She knows Elizabeth will forgive him. Let her bring the bad boy in him back to the art world; the one bright spot in this foolish, ridiculous, awful life she’s created for herself.

Nikolas says, that’s why Elizabeth snapped at him; this is about Franco. Did he say something about her art? He’s not going away until she tells him. She says they received an invitation to Ava’s unveiling, and she wasn’t thrilled that Ava is playing up Franco’s criminal history. He says, she loves to create controversy, and Elizabeth tells him, Franco said, that’s how the art world works, but she wouldn’t know because she’s not a real artist. He says, don’t listen to that condescending fool, and she tells him, watch it. Franco is still her husband. He says he watched her find her talent and solace. If her life had taken a different turn, and she’d been supported and developed her craft, her vision would have put Franco to shame. Great art reflects the soul of the artist, and she’s never afraid to show her soul to the world.

Nelle asks, how dare Martin accuse her of being a bad mom? He tells her, that’s not what he said. Fighting custody is easy; raising children is hard. She says she carried Wiley for nine months inside her. She felt him move, and gave birth alone, with no one there to help. If that doesn’t prepare her for motherhood, she doesn’t know what does. He suggests she read some blogs, and buy a baby book or two. Tell the judge about the few moments she spent with her baby before he was cruelly stolen. And don’t wear waterproof mascara. He wants the judge to have a front row seat to her crying her eyes out. She says, anything else? and he says, a character witness. Preferably not one in prison. He’s going to pull out all the stops to convince the judge she should have Wiley. She says he’d better. He doesn’t want to let her down.

Carly says she knows Nina still feels a connection to her baby, and believes it’s instinctive that connection would make her the best mother. Carly is sure Nina would have been, because she’s a good person, and has it in her. Nelle doesn’t. Nina asks if Carly doesn’t think she imagines every day what she missed, and Carly says, then use it. Remind herself what Nelle did when she handed over the baby to Brad, then told Michael their baby died. Nina says, maybe Nelle is telling the truth. Brad lied about everything. What if he placed the dead baby in Nelle’s arms when she was unconscious? Carly says, Nelle was very conscious. She knew what she was doing, and didn’t care about Wiley. She only cared about hurting Michael. Think about that, and tell her that she doesn’t remember one incident that will help Michael’s custody case against Nelle. Carly leaves, and Nelle asks if Jax thinks she’s wrong, and she’s misunderstanding Nelle’s motives.

Carly waits for the elevator. The doors open, and she and Nelle face each other.

Sam asks if Kristina doesn’t think she wants a quiet life with Jason and the kids. It’s all she dreams about, but something always gets in the way. Molly says, like Shiloh. Sam and Jason had to pretend they weren’t together. Alexis says, Sam went to prison to protect Kristina. Kristina says, and as long as she stays away from Jason, Sam is home free. But she can’t help herself. She’ll find a way to break the rules, sneak around, and spice it up. And Jason appreciates it, when he’s not taking care of Carly and her dad. How many times has she seen him busy cleaning up their messes, while Sam is home taking care of the kids? Her opinion still stands. Jason would die for Sam, but his first priority is Sonny and Carly.

Nikolas doubts Elizabeth will ever trust him again, and says he has no right to ask her to. Elizabeth says he can change who he is now, and be who he used to be when they were friends. She thinks he should give it a chance. He says, as her almost friend, he believes she should think about painting again. She says Franco got her some art supplies for their anniversary, and he says, so Franco isn’t a completely insensitive fool. She says, maybe she’s too sensitive, and he says, a true artist should be. She says, as his almost friend, she thinks he should call Spencer.

Ava says she’s trying to help Franco. He did the same for her just now. He says he heard a bunch of denial. She says she’s not accepting the help because she knows he’s right. She knows why she married Nikolas, but maybe having the understanding will make her life more bearable. Franco says, it would be even more bearable without Nikolas, but she says, they’re talking about him. Apologize, and bring Elizabeth flowers. He has a good marriage. Make it better. He says, she does like flowers. All he cares about is making her happy, and the boys too. She says, at least she’ll know she did something right, and he says glad he could help. She kisses his cheek, and says, more than he knows.

Nelle asks if Carly was trash talking her to Nina. Carly says, she was trying to, but Nina seems to think she’s Nelle’s friend. Too bad Nelle will betray her, like she did everyone else. Carly gets in the elevator, and the doors close.

Jax tells Nina, Carly made some good points about Nelle, and Nina says she’s aware of Nelle’s dark side, but she’s seen Nelle’s vulnerable side. She can’t explain it, but she doesn’t think it’s an act. Nelle listens outside the door. Jax says he thinks Nelle only cares about herself, and Nina says, maybe to change she needs a person who believes in her. Maybe she’s that person who will bring out the best in Nelle. Nelle knocks, and comes in. Jax tells Nina, be careful. He’s going to catch up with Carly.

Jax leaves, and Nelle says, sorry. She hopes she wasn’t interrupting anything. Nina says, no. They were done. Nelle says she took care of the errands Nina asked her to. She thanks Nina for standing up for her, and Nina says, don’t make her regret it. Nelle says, she won’t. In fact, she was going to ask Nina for a favor; a pretty big one. Nina asks what it is, and Nelle says, Wiley’s custody hearing is tomorrow. She has no one to vouch for her; Carly made sure of that. She was wondering if Nina would be willing to testify on her behalf.

Tomorrow, Robert tells Peter to get out, Sonny asks Mike what he needs, and Sasha is at odds with Brook.

👠 Erica Live…

Susan Lucci will be having a live chat on May 7th at 1 pm ET.

Vanderpump Rules

At SUR, Danica tells Ariana that Jax is going to be an hour late. She’s not sure how he gets away with half the sh*t he does. Dayna asks how Scheana’s weekend was, and Scheana says she and Brett went to Palm Springs to do her music video. It’s an R&B song called One More Time; it’s a baby making song, and different from what she’s done. She quickly adds that he’d agreed to it months ago. In Dayna’s interview, she says, this is the second guy she’s been interested in that Scheana has taken to Palm Springs. WTF goes on in Palm Springs? Scheana shows Dayna some raw footage, which is basically soft core porn, and borderline on the soft. Dayna asks if she’s topless, and Scheana says she may have been. In her interview, Dayna tells us she literally doesn’t know what to say, she’s so uncomfortable. She tells Scheana, that’s a video. Good for her.

Tom and Jax bring their athletic shoes to be cleaned at a place Tom found online. Jax asks how they do it, but the cleaner says he can’t disclose their method. In Jax’s interview, he says he had no sudden urge to hang out with Tom. He hasn’t been a great friend. We flash back to where Jax was being a d*ck to Tom, and Jax says he needed his sneakers cleaned, so why not let Tom pay for the gas? Jax still has the tags on his shoes because he thinks it makes him seem younger. He asks if that’s cool, but the cleaner, who is younger, says he always takes off the tags. Jax’s credit card doesn’t go through, and he says it happens all the time. We see several clips of that, and he gives the cleaner another card. He tells Tom about helping Kristen by cutting the grass. He says she still loves Carter, and told him Carter knows about other guys she’s hooked up with. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors? Tom says things are great at his house; better than ever. Jax says he notices Ariana give Tom backhanded comments, but Tom says they never name call. He suggests Jax take a second sometimes, and not get too responsive. Jax admits he’s bad at it. In his interview, Tom says, when Jax feels bored, he picks someone or something to focus his anger and attention on, so he feels important or better about himself. Tom says he’s trying to help out as a friend. Jax says, no one’s perfect.

Brittany meets Stassi at the dog park, and puts sunglasses on her dog. Stassi tells Brittany she thought when she finally got engaged, she’d be a chill bride, but nope. Brittany has the feeling Stassi is going to be double what she was. In Stassi’s interview, she says, people thought she was a monster on her birthday, just wait. The wedding will be a nightmare. They admire each other’s rings, and Stassi asks how annoying Brittany thinks they are. Brittany says, they really are annoying, but eff off; she’s happy. Stassi says when she posted her engagement photo, someone said they were never so excited to see a couple get married. Jax replied, thanks a lot. Brittany says, Jax is an attention whore, but he’s happy for them. She says she knows Stassi and Kristen are on the outs, but she and Jax are having a pool party, and asks if Stassi won’t come if she invites Kristen. Stassi says she’d still come, and Brittany says she worries about her friends not coming. In Brittany’s interview, she says she loves cooking, and cleaning; getting ready and preparing for people to come over. It’s the first time they’re going to have a big group at their new house. Stassi says if she and Kristen can’t get along in normal moments, Kristen can’t be at the big ones. I nod in agreement.

Ariana teaches Dayna how to make drinks. Dayna is dying to bartend. Scheana asks Jax if he wants to see footage from her video, and he says, not really. She asks what’s up his ass? and he says, everyone isn’t honest. Tom and Ariana said he took Kristen’s bait. He thinks something is going on with Tom. He doesn’t really talk about their relationship. In his interview, Jax says he thinks their relationship is a façade. It looks pretty on the outside, but he doesn’t see them happy together, and thinks buying the house was a bad idea. It’s not a normal relationship. He tells Scheana, he thinks Ariana is miserable. Scheana says Ariana is depressed, and Jax says when Ariana doesn’t like something, she says she’s depressed. Ariana invites Dayna to a dinner party she and Tom are having, and Dayna says she might be late. Ariana says, easy breezy. Scheana asks if Jax is going to Max’s beach clean-up. He says they all live in the valley, and have to drive a while to get there. The fumes in the air defeat the purpose.

Lisa goes to Vanderpump Dogs. Puffy! Lala is helping put out merchandise, and Lisa says they have two dogs coming in from Puerto Rico. Lala says she can help with intake, and Lisa says she’s good at intake. Lala says she doesn’t need a cocktail to be vulgar. She’s approaching ten months, and thinks James is steering clear of drinking. She’s proud of him.

Raquel asks where James found the pink silverware, and he says he’s been doing stuff today. She sees flowers on the table, and he says they’re having filet mignon with roasted potatoes and carrots. In his interview, James says he needed to do some serious rebuilding in his relationships, and Raquel is the one who means the most. That’s what life is all about. He tells her about the beach clean-up, and says they were invited. It made his day. He hopes he’s enough without drinking, and she says, of course he is. He’s the ultimate him, and so fun to be around. He says he knows.

Lisa tells Lala that James was aware there was a problem when he lost his job and his friends, but it happened with Raquel, it struck a chord. Lala says she’s happy for James, and Lisa thinks he’s on the road to recovery, but she’s cautiously optimistic.

The group gathers at the beach, and Kristen gives Stassi a kiss. In Stassi’s interview, she says, it’s awkward AF. In Max’s interview, he says he was born Hawaii, and grew up in San Diego, and trash and plastic is bad for the sealife. It means a lot to him to make sure it’s clean, since he swims in it. I live near a beach, and I hear that. I hate seeing all the plastic that washes up, and it makes me wonder just how much doesn’t wash up. Max says they’re going to pick up trash, then hang out. They take paper bags, and comb the beach. In Katie’s interview, she says he picked literally the cleanest beach she’s ever been to. It’s cleaner than her house. Dayna asks Brett how Palm Springs was. Brett says it was a video about having sex, and they were doing fake strokes and pipe laying. At one point, he felt violated, when Scheana was biting his ear, and licking the earwax out of it. Blech. He had to tell her, no. If he’d wanted to, he could have literally had sex with her on camera. She asked if he wanted a BJ, and he said no. It was hard, since he loves them. Dayna says, he’s lying, and he says, no. He’s not leading Scheana on; he was doing her a favor. Dayna asks if he thinks Scheana might see it differently. He has to set boundaries or she’ll be taking advantage. Lala says, it’s hard with Scheana. You say, this isn’t going to happen, but in the back of Scheana’s mind… Dayna says, seriously, there’s a chance. Max says Jax told him the beach clean-up was a dumb idea, and everyone is pissed at him for planning it. It’s dumb, pointless, and nobody cares. Tom says Jax texted him, saying Max is trying to one-up him. They’ve never heard anything like that before. We flash back to Jax telling Tom, he’s the number one guy in the group. Tom thinks Jax is jealous that he’s not the center of attention, and Max says he’s not upset that Jax isn’t there.

In Kristen’s interview, she says her job as an entrepreneur is never done. She’s doing a pop-up event to spread the word about her brand, and sell some shirts. She tells Schwartz that Stassi isn’t coming, and he says Katie isn’t either. Kristen says she’s not surprised, but she was hopeful. Tom texts Jax that everyone is there except him, and Jax texts Tom that he can skip their pool party. Brett tells Max that Scheana said Dayna still had feelings for him, and asks how he feels about her. Stassi tells Dayna that she’s heard Dayna has a love triangle going on. Max tells Brett that he doesn’t want to talk about it, and Brett asks if it would be bad if he hooked up with Dayna. Dayna tells Stassi that she told Brett, she wished she’d met him before Max. In Dayna’s interview, she says, it’s fun and games to be with the emotionally unavailable hot guy, until it’s time to have a real conversation about feelings. Max thanks everyone for coming, and says he appreciates it. Jax texted him that everyone was mad at him for planning it. Brittany tells him, don’t listen, and Katie says, he’s just being an a-hole. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, Jax’s borderline abusive rage texts are a dynamic of the relationship. He’s developed a technique – keep deleting. You’ll sleep in peace, and live happily ever after. He does the same thing with Katie. Brittany tells them, Jax said it was Mercury’s in Gatorade. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Jax will point his finger at anything and anyone to absolve himself of what he’s doing. In Brittany’s interview, she says, it sucks that she feels like she has to answer and take up for Jax when he does these things, but she married him knowing he’s that person. She tells Max that she’ll tell Jax to stop.

Lisa tells Raquel that she checks on James more than her children. We flash back to Lisa video chatting with James, and says she hopes he’s telling the truth. Raquel tells her that they went to a club last night, and James didn’t drink a sip. Lisa tells her, James said he was doing well, but she’s never quite sure if she’s getting the true story. In Lisa’s interview, she says she’s such a mother. She wants to make everything right. She asks Raquel if the relationship is different, and Raquel says it is.

Tom tells Ariana she looks great. In her interview, Ariana says she manages her depression by focusing on the things she loves, and she loves hosting and cooking for people. Scheana arrives with some guy I’ve never seen, who I think is named Shawn. Schwartz, Katie, Max, Brett, and Dayna follow. Tom says, Jax’s rage texts continue. He reads, if you’re talking sh*t about me, don’t bother coming. YOU DID; don’t come. Max says he got a bunch on his way there. Jax asked why Max was crying to his wife, and don’t come to his house. Max says all he did was ask him to come to the beach, and Jax told him that he’s not welcome. Schwartz says, Jax is being a d*ck for no reason; it’s unprovoked. In some bizarre moment of clarity, Scheana says, it’s not about Jax, so he didn’t come. In her interview, she says, his 40th is over, the wedding is over, and no one is paying attention to him, so he has to fight with his friends. It’s classic Jax. Tom thinks they should have a rager there at the same time as the pool party, and teach him a lesson. Katie says her pants got wet thinking about it. Ariana says, dinner is served. Katie says, whoever picks up their phone has to buy a table for Tom and Ariana. Ariana thanks everyone for coming to dinner at their rented table. She’s happy in life, and loves them. Max asks Dayna to come outside, and they sit on the patio. He says he’s not good at expressing how he feels, but it feels weird seeing her and Brett. He’s not telling her not to do this, but he’s saying he clearly still has feelings for her. Dayna says when the next shiny thing comes along, she’ll be in his rear view. He says he’s had his past, but he’s never moved forward like he did with her. She says, then why not keep moving forward? and he says it scared him to have feelings. It’s not an excuse, but he’s scared because he likes her, and sometimes love goes south. In his experience, it hasn’t been good for him. In Dayna’s interview, she says she never stopped caring about Max, but she thinks part of the reason he’s saying this is because Brett is in the picture. She thinks he does care about her, but he makes her feel confused. Max says he wants her to know it’s cool, but it’s also not cool. Dayna asks if he hears himself; she’s getting whiplash. Max says he’s not going to attack them over it, and Dayna asks what she’s supposed to do with that; it’s ambiguous.

At Kristen’s event, she says, everyone get wasted and shop. Scheana tells Brett, they still need one more thing for the video. He asks if she’s going to be making out with his ear or biting him. They literally (taking a drink now) simulated a sexual situation. Scheana says, it’s called acting; don’t take it so seriously. He says he wanted to wear jeans, and she told him to take them off. She asks, who wears clothes in bed? In Brett’s interview, he says he thinks Scheana’s and his ideas of a sexy video are the opposite. He thinks less is more, but she wants to show everybody everything. It’s not sexy. He says he felt uncomfortable, and doesn’t want her to have the wrong idea. She tells him, don’t be cocky; it’s just a video. In Scheana’s interview, she says he knew the concept of the video. She tells Brett that it was awkward for her too, but she’s good at her job. He doesn’t believe she didn’t like it, and she says she’s going to buy some T-shirts. Dayna laughs. I wonder if Scheana believes her own lies.

Jax joins Max and Tom, and says he’s sorry. It wasn’t his intention, and he’s the first to apologize when he’s wrong. He was out of line, and he’s going through mental issues. He’s angry all the time, and calls it an episode. In Tom’s interview, he says, 90% of the time, Jax is full of sh*t. He spins things around to create pity. Jax says, part of it was him uninviting them. They can obviously come. Scheana tells Charli about Brett being uncomfortable with the video, and Charli says he should have known what it was when he signed up. Scheana calls Brett over, and Charli jets. She says she doesn’t want him feeling uncomfortable, and he doesn’t have to come. He says he did her a favor, and she says she doesn’t want him there, since he brought up how uncomfortable he was. In her interview, Scheana says, guys in L.A. suck. If she’s sexy, she’s coming on too strong, but if she plays hard to get, that’s not good either. How is she supposed to know what they want, if they don’t say it? Brett asks if they’re good, and she says they’re good. He says when she flashes her fingers like that, they’re not good.

Jax asks Kristen where Carter is, and she says he’s working. In her interview, Kristen says when Stassi didn’t ask her to the engagement party, she felt vulnerable and alone, and she called Carter. They had sex. It was great. Jax says Kristen hooked up with a guy in a video that Carter saw. Kristen says, it was four years ago, and Jax asks her to swear on her life and her friendships. She says it’s none of his business, but it was four years ago. In Kristen’s interview, she says, of course she’s lying. Jax has the biggest mouth ever, and it’s no one’s effing business. In Jax’s interview, he wonders if Kristen doesn’t get tired of telling stories, and not knowing what she told people. She’s losing friends left and right. No one believes her, and it’s all deny, deny, deny. Lala joins the conversation, and Kristen asks if they can not do this where she’s selling things. Jax stomps off, griping that Kristen lies about everything, and she’s delusional. Brittany says he’s projecting to people who don’t know him. What’s wrong with him?

James goes to SUR, and asks for a table for one in Raquel’s section. Lisa comes in, and sits with him. She asks if his girlfriend is working, and he says he’s in her section. Lisa says he can’t stay away, and tastes his drink. She says she approves. Raquel comes to the table, and asks if she wants a glass of rosé. Lisa asks if the Pope has a balcony, and Raquel doesn’t understand. In her interview, she asks if everyone knows the Pope drinks rosé on his balcony. Lisa says she loves Raquel, and James says Raquel had to think about that. He’s having the best time. Lisa asks, what’s wrong? and James says he wishes he and Raquel worked at the same time. In Lisa’s interview, she says, James has had no problem asking for his job back. He starts out sweet and polite, then slyly tries to weasel back in. Then when he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets demanding, but this time seems to feel different. Lisa tells James, you know what? They don’t have a DJ for tonight. He gets all excited, and says, onward and upward. She says she has faith in him. In James’s interview, he says, white Kanye is back in business. He tells Raquel, and she says, amazing. She’s so excited for him.

Jax and Brittany argue about Kristen’s time frame, and Brittany asks why he’s getting mad. It has nothing to do with him. He asks if he’s not allowed a bad day, and she says he’s allowed a bad day, but he’s not allowed to take it out on her. She doesn’t get why he’s so affected. He asks if that’s it than, and she says, no. Obviously she loves him. They’ve been through worse, and she’s stood by his side. Give her some credit. He doesn’t have to lay blame. He says he has super highs and lows. He smokes and gains weight, then he takes Adderall for it. He can’t win. Geez. No wonder he’s a mess. Brittany says, as soon as the wedding was over, nothing was ever good enough. Jax says they’re going to fight. It’s not Leave It To Beaver. He can give her that if she wants, but they’d have to move to Kentucky. She says she doesn’t want him to circle back to his old ways, and being mean. She starts to cry, and says, it breaks her heart.

Next time, a competing pool party; Brittany wonders if they’re going to have anyone at their house; Stassi tells Jax that he’s losing his mind; Lisa and Ken are developing a garden bar, and would like to see the Toms invest for a 10% share; and Lala says Max and Brett are getting messy.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Oh yeah the cowboy bar. Ha-ha! I forgot.

Brad tells the baby to breathe, and calls 911. The operator tells him to check the baby’s airway, and he says, there’s a fireman across the street. He runs out, and Natalie smacks into him with her car. She and Esperanza jump out, and he tells them, the baby isn’t breathing. Natalie and Esperanza run inside the house, and Esperanza takes the phone from Brad. She asks, what happened? and he says he checked on the baby, and he wasn’t breathing. She asks if the baby was on his back, but he says, no. The baby was on his stomach. Marcie must have put him that way. Esperanza starts to tell the operator that they need an ambulance, but Natalie says, no; they don’t need it. Brad says, he’s not dead? and Natalie says, he’s sleeping. Esperanza tells the operator, the baby’s asleep. They just have a panicked man who doesn’t know what to do with a baby; they don’t need anyone. Brad stammers, and Natalie shows him how to put a finger under the baby’s nose. He says he thought the baby’s chest wasn’t moving, and Esperanza asks if he actually took a look. He needs to relax. She tells him that babies need to sleep on their backs, and he says he just panicked. Natalie asks if he’ll be all right, and he says he has a sitter coming. He’s good until then. Esperanza says, what about Alex? Does he know where she is? He says he’s sure she’ll be home soon, but Natalie says she doesn’t think… Esperanza stops her, and Brad says they look like they know something. Natalie says she doesn’t think he wants to know, and Brad asks if they saw her. She needs to come back and take care of the kids, and the other kid. Natalie says, she’s at a bar, and he says he doesn’t care. Esperanza says she thinks he should get her. It’s a sleazy, dirty, grimy place. Actually, it isn’t, but okay. She says, it’s not somewhere Brad would want her, and he says, it suits her. He’s done. They’re divorced, and he doesn’t care. Esperanza asks if he’s going to raise the kids on his own, and he says he’ll have to. Natalie says, the baby is fine, and Esperanza says, they can’t leave her. Natalie says, she’s grown, and Esperanza suggests she stay with the kids while Brad brings her back. Natalie says he can’t do that, and Brad says he won’t do it. Esperanza says, she’ll do it then. She leaves, and Natalie asks if Brad will be okay. He tells her he will, and she reminds him not to lay the baby on his stomach. She says, he’s welcome, and he says, sorry.

Natalie sees Tyrell, and asks if he’s settled in. He says he is, and asks if Justice is home. She said around 3, right? She says, Kelly doesn’t really want him to see Justice. She wants to talk to him first. He asks when Natalie thinks she’ll be home, but Natalie doesn’t know. He asks if she thinks Lushion could get him in to see Kelly, and she says she’ll ask him. He wonders if he could borrow some bread, and she says, he wants to borrow money? He says, no; bread, and she laughs. She tells him to come in, and he says he’s been in jail. She asks if he’s going to rob her, and he says, not at all. They head into the house. Tyrell says, sorry. When people know he’s been in jail, they get scared. Natalie says she has a son in jail. He asks how long her son has got, and she says, a day is too long. She gives him a loaf of bread, and asks if he needs anything else. He says the bread will do, and she asks if he’s eaten. She doesn’t think there’s anything over at Kelly’s, and he says there are canned beans. She says she’ll make him a sandwich. He sits, and says he needs to see Kelly. She says she’ll call Lushion, and he says she’s really kind. She hopes someone is kind to her son. He asks what her son’s name is, and she says, Joey; does he know him? He says, he doesn’t, and asks when she thinks Kelly will get out. She says, they’re working hard on it, and he says he misses her; she’s the love of his life. They were kids in love and having fun; it was crazy. He’s pretty sure Kelly doesn’t feel the same anymore. Natalie says he doesn’t know that, and he says he hopes they can get back together.

There’s a knock at Brad’s door. It’s Dr. Raston, and he says he wasn’t expecting her. she says she wanted to come by and check on him. Brad says Alex isn’t back; that’s why she’s there, right? She says she’s sorry, and he says he’s there taking care of the kids. He learned a valuable lesson about babies sleeping on their fronts. He doesn’t want to make it awkward, but asks why Alex went to see her. She asks, what’s going on? and he tells her, look for herself, showing her the laptop. He says Alex has been on an online dating site, sleeping with lots of men. The doctor says she’s sorry, and he says, it is what it is. He says he’ll have to get tested – for everything. If she’s given him something… Dr. Raston tells him not to get ahead of himself. He asks how a person can be one way for ten years, then break. She can’t answer that, but knows a therapist who can. He says he’s not interested, and she says she knows he’s angry. He says she doesn’t know the half of it, and she says she’s sorry. He says he is too, and she tells him, she’s there if he needs her. He says he’s sorry for being rude; it’s a lot. She understands, and he thanks her for coming by.

Nurse Pat visits Tyrell, and asks if he lives there now. Nice. She asks who lives there, and he says, a friend. He asks if she wants some wine, but she says she’s got to go to work. She only has an hour. He says that’s plenty of time, and she asks if his mom doesn’t live there. He says, not his mom, his ex. She says, no bitch is going to beat her down. Come to her house. She sees a picture of Kelly, and says, hell no. That’s her? She was Kelly’s nurse in jail. He says, small world, and she says, this is where she killed Travis? Now she knows she’s getting out of there. She tells him, call one of his other strays, and opens the door. She says, damn, and he says, yeah, damn. She leaves, and he says, damn. He calls someone, and says he’s out. He’s a free man.

Alex rides the bull. It’s slightly more crowded in the bar now. She says, look what the cat dragged in, and it’s Randal. He asks, what the hell is going on up in here? and she says she’s riding a bull. He says he sees that. She’s back to her hillbilly whore roots. She says, jealous? and tells him to help her down. He does, and she tells Johnny to give her another shot. He asks what he can get for her friend, and Randal says he’s good. Johnny says, if you come into this bar, you drink. Alex says, it’s fine; he’ll have a beer. And a shot. Randal asks, who’s that? and she says, her new sponsor. He asks if she’s in recovery now, and she says, no; she’s staying with him a little while. They’re going to shack up while she figures things out. He asks, what the hell is wrong with her? and she says, he thinks she’s crazy? He says, hell yeah. He finally drove her mad. She says he didn’t, and he laughs. She says she’s completely free. If he did that, fine. She’s finally free to do whatever she wants. Nobody to stop her. He says she can’t do that, and she asks, why? He says he’s not through making her life a living hell. She says, he can’t do that; the pressure’s off. He says she’s going home; let’s go. She says, no, and he tries to strongarm her. She says she’s not going anywhere, and he says, want a bet? She tells him, look around real quick. Look at where he is; surrounded by a bunch of good old boys. Does he want to be grabbing up on her? He thinks she knows he doesn’t give a damn, and he pulls her off the bar stool. Johnny takes out a gun, and says, put his hands on her again, and he’ll blow Randal’s brains out. Alex says, he means it. Johnny tells Randal, get his ass on out of there, and don’t come back. Alex says, he really means it. Randal backs up, and goes toward the door, and Alex says she loves a man with a gun. Randal slowly leaves, and Johnny asks if Alex is doing okay. What does she want? She says, a shot, and he says, this one’s on the house, but she better ride that bull again.

Eddie barges into Larry’s office. Larry tells his poor assistant, it’s okay. Eddie asks how Larry is, and Larry says, better now that Eddie is  there. Eddie says, him too. He brought Larry something he shouldn’t have. He thinks Larry will like it. Larry asks if he should take his clothes off. Eddie says, keep them on, but open his mouth nice and wide. Eddie puts his feet up on the desk, and asks, how much would a long list of names regarding the Cane case be worth? Larry says he has no idea what Eddie is talking about, and Eddie says he has every idea Larry represents the church. What’s the price for the list of women Travis assaulted? If Larry tells him what he wants to know, he’ll be more than happy to share his information. Larry asks how and where he got it, and Eddie says, from Kelly’s cell. A sister from the church gave it to her. Larry says, so they’re trying to get her off, and Eddie says, seems that way. Larry calls Ian to come in. He tells Ian, this gentleman says he has information that was going to be used to get Kelly off. He says it was found in her cell. Has Ian gotten in touch with Carl? Ian says, not yet, but he will. Ian asks Eddie how much it’s worth, and Eddie says, the question is, how much is it worth to him? It’s a lot of bad publicity for the church. What’s the price tag on something like that? He’ll start at 200 (I’m assuming he means thousand, but he is pretty stupid). Larry says, $50K now, in cash. Eddie thinks he can get more than that, but he’ll start with $50K. Larry tells Ian to go to the safe, and get the money, and Ian says, right away. He leaves, and Larry asks if Eddie wants a drink. Eddie says, nah. He knows what Larry mixes in. Larry says he’s learned his lesson, huh? There are no other copies? Eddie says, it’s the only one. How long is this going to take? Larry says, patience is a virtue, and Eddie says he’s not patient. Larry asks again if Eddie wants a drink, and Eddie says, that’s the second time. He’s not interested. Bring him the money.

Steven asks Esperanza how her day is going, and she says, not so good, so far. He says, it’s not Eddie? and she says, it’s Alex. She asks if he’ll go somewhere with her quick. Alex is at a dive bar doing God knows what. She doesn’t think Alex should be there. He says, she’s an adult, and Esperanza says, a very drunk one. Steven says, let her stay and have a good time, and she asks if he’s coming with her. He says he said he would. He just has to tell Lushion something first.

Ian sits in Lushion’s office. Lushion says, he hasn’t returned Ian’s texts? Ian says, no, and Lushion asks, who is this kid? He said to meet there. Ian asks, where’s the information? Lushion says, Eddie happened, and Ian says, he took it? Lushion says, yeah, and Ian asks if there are any copies. Lushion says there aren’t, and Ian says, Eddie sold it to Larry. Lushion asks why Larry would buy it (which I’d think he’d know), and Ian says, Eddie lied, and said he had the rest of the information, and could keep it quiet. He’s sorry. Lushion asks, was Ian in on this? Ian says he’s trying help her. Why? Lushion says, it sounds fishy. Ian says Lushion can trust him, and Lushion says Ian needs to start showing him something. Ian says, this kid can handle it. It will be okay. Lushion asks if he doesn’t think they’re waiting too long. Ian says, they’re both in the result business, and Lushion says, show him something. Steven stops by, and says, the DA is there, in the interrogation room. She wants to see Lushion. Lushion and Larry leave the office.

Larry is standing around the corner, and asks what Ian is dong there. Ian says he’s there for the Vasquez case. What is Larry doing there? Larry says, the DA asked to see him. Ian asks, for what? but Larry doesn’t know. He asks Ian to come with him. Lushion is like, hmm… and follows.

In the interrogation room, the DA sits with Carl. Larry says he didn’t know it was going to be a party. Ian is his plus one. What’s going on? The DA (whose first name I forgot) says, this, and plops a folder down, and this affidavit. This young man, their public defender star, delivered. Larry asks where he got this, and Carl says, his sources are confidential. Larry says the cases settled out of court, but Carl says, it won’t matter. They’re ready to testify. He spoke to all of them. Larry asks how he got his hands on this, and Carl says, confidential. Larry says, right, but they can still prosecute. The DA says, they’re not prosecuting Kelly for anything. Her office is opening an investigation into the allegations against Travis and his church. They need to get themselves together. Larry asks if she’s aware that it’s an election year, and she asks if he’s trying to threaten her. That would not be wise. She tells Lushion, they’re dropping the murder charge. They believe it was self-defense. Lushion says, no question. The DA says, they’re done. Larry asks who is Carl? How does he do this. Carl says, it’s what he does, and Larry says, he didn’t have help? Carl says, the good Lord; hallelujah. Everyone leaves, and Lushion laughs. He says, Carl did it. Carl says Lushion doubted him? Come on. Lushion says he didn’t. Good job. Let’s go tell her.

Larry tells Ian, he smells a rat, and he knows who it was – Eddie. He’s wet behind the ears, and they had the same thing. Ian says, he’s not Larry’s problem, but Larry says Eddie took $50K from him, but he’ll get it back. Watch him.

Marcie returns to Brad’s house, and says, she’s not back yet? He says, no, and Marcie says, she thought Alex would be back. She was drunk and mad, and maybe she will when she sobers up. He says he doesn’t know, and she hands him a card. She says, it’s a lawyer. He needs to get custody of his kids. He asks how he explains it to them, and she says, carefully? He says, they’re going to be home soon, and she says he’ll need to have a sit-down with them. He asks if she’ll stay, but she doesn’t know if it’s a good idea. He says he’ll have to explain it to them sooner or later; there’s a lot going on. She says, maybe he should wait, but he says, what’s the point? He’s going to have to move in, and he wants her to move in as well. She asks if it isn’t a lot for the kids, and he says, they’ll adjust. The baby cries, and he says he’ll need help with this one. She says, the baby isn’t his. Alex will have to give him up for adoption. Is he sure he’s ready to take this on? He says he’s ready to do what he has to do. She tells him, call Larry, and they’ll do what they have to do. He says, done, and kisses her.

Lushion knocks on Kelly’s cell. She asks if he found Eddie, and he says he did. She says, thank God. He got the pictures back? He says, no, and she repeatedly says, oh my God. He says, but it’s all right, and she says, it’s not. She’s still in there. He says, not for long, and she tells him, he keeps saying that, but she can’t take it anymore. She feels like she’s going to die in there. That bastard Eddie took it all away from her. Lushion tells her, hold on, and she says she feels like a caged animal. He says, if she hates it there, she’s going to love this guy. Carl steps forward, and she says, what the hell is he doing here? Carl says, she has hostility for him, and Lushion tells her, she’d said Carl was so green he can’t see straight. Is that any way to talk about the man got her off? She says, what words are coming out of his mouth? and Lushion says, she’s free to go. He unlocks the cell, and she stands there a moment. She asks if he’s playing with her, but he promises he’s not. She cries and thanks him. She laugh/cries, and thanks them both. Lushion asks if she doesn’t want to know what happened, and she says, no. She doesn’t want them to change their minds; she just wants to leave. He says, they won’t change their minds, and she asks, what happened? Lushion says, they looked at the evidence, and saw it was self-defense; they saw all the victims. Kelly thanks Carl, and he says, him? The green kid? She thanks Lushion again, and kisses him on the mouth.

Next time, Natalie gets into it with Randal, Larry approaches Eddie about the money, Alex goes home, and Tanya freaks out.

🍹 May the Cinco de Mayo Be With You…

Another Temptation Tuesday has come and gone, and along with it your virtual margarita party, and whatever Star Wars remembrance you brought forth for the fourth. Stay safe, stay focused, and stay having a sense of humor.

April 28, 2020 – Sonny Makes a Deal, Stassi Gets Her Wish, Scheana Weirds Us Out, Alex Goes To the Cowboy Bar & a Light


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

On the phone, Nina says she got permission to shoot at the fine art museum. Call her when it’s confirmed. In the meantime, try to keep dry. Jax says it sounds like she’s in crisis mode, and she says, it’s raining on the tropical island where they’re shooting. She had to go to plan B. He asks if there’s anything he can do to help. She says he can give her a hug, and he says he can give her more than that. He hugs her, and says, Nelle isn’t helping? Did Nina take his suggestion and fire her? Nina says, no. She sent Nelle on some errands. She didn’t want Nelle telling tales out of school, or talking to The Invader. He asks, what kind of tales? and she says, surprise, surprise. Sasha cheated on Michael. Since he’s Sonny’s son, it’s sure to be news.

Alexis sees Valentin at the MetroCourt bar, and she says they have to quit meeting like this. He looks like he just lost his best friend. He says he has, but she’s better off without him.

Lulu tells Laura, after fighting tooth and nail, she thinks Valentin is going to give up Charlotte? Laura says she only knows what Valentin told her. Laura flashes back to Valentin saying she’s a good person, and Charlotte needs her to learn right from wrong, and be a steady force in her life. Laura says she’s tried to provide that, and he tells her, what he’s trying to say is, he needs her to teach Charlotte to be good. Clearly, he can’t do that. Lulu tells Laura, she knows how manipulative Valentin can be, but Laura says, this is different. She saw him at the MetroCourt after Violet’s birthday party. Lulu says, when Laura was advocating for him? and Laura says, when she was advocating for Charlotte. Valentin pulled her aside, and said the most extraordinary thing. She’s not sure if she believed him. Lulu says, so tell her, and Laura says, he said he wanted her to look after Charlotte, and made it sound like he was going to walk away from her for her own good. Charlotte hears them talking.

Brando tells TJ, as soon as he runs the card, TJ is good to go. The keys are in the car. TJ says, hold on. Something is wrong.

At Charlie’s, Sam asks if Molly got in an accident, and Molly says she went over a curb. The car was making a weird noise, and she didn’t want to drive it home in case she caused more damage. Sam asks why she didn’t call, and Molly says, she was fine, and there was a garage half a block away. It was closed, but the mechanic let her in. She was speed talking, like she is now, but worse. She asked him if he could do the work, and he said he could, or he could keep it overnight if she wanted to take it to the dealer. He went out of his way not to take advantage of her. Sam says, nice guy, and Molly says, very. They just met him. Brando Corbin.

Sonny says, Cyrus took his best shot and missed. Why doesn’t he crawl back in the hole he came from? Otherwise, there will be a war. Cyrus says he can’t go back to Seattle empty handed, and Sonny says, it will show weakness to his organization, and Cyrus will be at risk. What they’re left with is a nuclear option. Sonny starts to walk away, and Cyrus says, wait. He has a counteroffer that will work for both of them. Sonny says he’s listening.

Chase comes home, and is hit with the fact Willow is gone. He flashes back to Willow dressed up, waiting for him, and saying, wine guy come through. He tells her not to come near him until he showers, but she says she’ll risk it, and kisses him. Alone again, there’s a knock at the door, and Chase opens it to find Finn, who says he thinks he needs an explanation. Chase left Violet’s party before she even opened his present. She loved it. Chase says he’s glad, but it’s a bad time. Not because of Finn. Finn says, it’s obvious Chase isn’t his annoyingly upbeat self. Tell him what’s going on. Chase says he cheated on Willow. Willow found out, and now he’s lost her.

Valentin says, Alexis has handled custody cases before, and she says, it’s not a good time, but she’ll be happy to recommend someone. He says he’s not looking for representation. He’s not planning on challenging Lulu’s petition for sole custody. Alexis says she thought he and Lulu would be fighting until Charlotte was old enough to have children of her own, but he says, Charlotte needs stability and permanence in her life. Alexis says, so he’s giving up on her? She thought Valentin adored her. He says, she’s not such a little girl anymore, and she’s seen some regrettable behavior on his part. Alexis says, she’ll get over it. She’s made mistakes in life – a lot actually – but her children are grounded. She can’t imagine life without them. He says he can’t imagine life without Charlotte, but he’s not doing this for him. He’s doing it for her. He has to find the strength to walk away and not look back.

Jax tells Nina, Michael believed in Sasha, and stood by her. It must have been hard to find out he was wrong. Nina says, even worse, it could affect Michael’s custody fight. He says, it makes no sense; they seemed genuinely happy, and crazy about each other. Nina says, Sasha has a way of making people believe what she wants them to, and Michael was determined to believe she was a fallen angel, who needed his love and support. She tried to warn him. Sasha is weak at best, and an opportunist at worst. Jax says, and Nina still misses her.

Cyrus says he and Sonny can have the peace they both want. He won’t threaten Sonny’s turf or family. Sonny says, in return for what? and Cyrus says he won’t interfere with Sonny’s business, if Sonny doesn’t interfere with his. All he asks is an opportunity to put down roots in Port Charles. Sonny asks, what’s the attraction? and Cyrus says, after so many wrongful years in prison, he craves fresh air, sunlight, and a home where it’s quiet and friendly. Jason asks if that includes the sniper watching from the rooftop. Sonny asks if this is how Cyrus wants it to go down.

Kristina asks Molly, if it’s the Brando who thinks she’s an idiot who fell for mumbo jumbo. Sam says, he was talking about the cult thing, and Kristina says, Molly slept with him? Molly says Kristina was just proud of what she did, and Kristina says she is. It was human and healthy. Molly says, she’s not proud, and Sam says, she was hurting, and Brando happened to be in the right place at the wrong time. It was just one night, right? And she still wants TJ. Molly says, more than anything, and Sam says, good. She heard Brando say Molly could pick up the car. She’s sure Molly doesn’t want to see Brando again, and Molly says, never. Sam says, she’ll pick up the car for Molly, and Molly asks her to promise she won’t say anything. Sam says she’s not going to kick Brando, but maybe she’ll kick the tires.

Brando asks TJ, what’s wrong? and TJ says, the parts and labor barely cover the cost of the repairs. He wonders if Brando confused Molly with another customer, but Brando says he gives a discount to first time customers. It keeps them coming back. TJ hopes Molly just comes back for an oil change next time. He thanks Brando for not taking advantage by doing unnecessary work, and Brando says Molly was worried about TJ being in the hospital. TJ says he’s going to be off the crutches soon. He wonders what Molly told Brando, since she had her accident before he went to the hospital.

Charlotte listens to Lulu and Laura talking. Lulu says she and Valentin have been fighting since she found out Charlotte was her daughter. What made him back down? Something happened. Laura says, it must have, for him to think Charlotte would be better off without him. Charlotte flashes back to telling Valentin that she saw him push Ava off the parapet. Lulu says, if Valentin wasn’t convinced after Charlotte was kidnapped, she can’t imagine what changed his mind. Laura says, her either. He didn’t confide the reason for his change of heart. Lulu says, assuming he has a heart, and Laura says, that’s not fair. He’s a flawed man, but he loves Charlotte. Putting her happiness and well-being ahead of his own is the true test a real parent.

Alexis wonders what brought about Valentin’s decision to abandon his child. He asks what’s with her concern; should he be worried? She says, it’s nothing to be concerned about, and he says, the lady doth protest too much. She’s working hard to cover up something. If she wants to talk, he can listen. She flashes back to Sam telling her that she should have questioned the whole system; then the board would have questioned it too. Sam asks if Neil makes Alexis happy, and why the hell Alexis didn’t fight for him? Alexis tells Sam, it wasn’t an option, and Sam asks if that’s because it was too difficult, and she was afraid she’d be in trouble. She was never scared before, and used to be Sam’s hero. Alexis remembers taking a drink.

Nina tells Jax, when they met, who she thought Sasha was, wasn’t who she really was. Jax says, if she wants help finding her real daughter, let him know. She asks him to stop trying to solve her problems. He doesn’t try to control her, and supports and bolsters her, but she spent a lot of time and effort learning how to stand on her own two feet, and count on herself. And she does for the most part. He says, absolutely; no question about that. She says, all of his offers to help and sweep her off her feet are super tempting, but it’s like being offered the best desert after every meal. She wants to say yes, but knows she’d wind up regretting it. So she only says yes on special occasions. He asks if they can make this a special occasion, but she says, it doesn’t seem special. He kisses her.

Chase tells Finn, remember last Thanksgiving, when he told Finn that Willow might be pregnant? He and Willow got to talking, and he realized Willow was practically ready to have a family. It freaked him out. Willow had Wiley in her life, but then she found out he wasn’t her biological son. He was terrified that losing both her son and Wiley would break her. Then she started hanging out with Michael and Wiley every waking moment. He knew Sasha was in the same boat, and they got to talking about what they could do about the situation. One thing led to another… Finn says, and they slept together. Chase says they swore it would never happen again, but it did, and it kept happening. When Sasha was with him, she was actually with him; it felt as if he had her full attention, and he knows she felt the same way. They got careless, and Willow walked in on them. And that, as they say, is that. It’s over. Finn says, wow. That has to be the biggest load of crap he’s ever heard. Does Chase want to tell him what really happened?

Lulu knows Laura is no pushover. What did Valentin say to convince her that he was putting Charlotte first? Laura tells her, it’s not so much what he said as the state he was in. He’s a good actor, and she’s a good judge of character. Losing Nina, Windymere, and his association with the Cassadines changed him. How could it not? Lulu says, it’s the same Valentin who shot Nikolas, and Laura says, the brother Lulu can’t forgive for surviving. Lulu tells her, stay on topic. Valentin would do anything for Charlotte, but to just walk away makes no sense. Laura says, maybe walking away is doing anything for Charlotte. Maybe he loves her that much.

Jax suggests he and Nina take the afternoon off, and go to his place. She looks at her desk, and he says, nothing but work there. He steers her face back to him, and says, nothing but fun here. Charlotte runs in, and yells at Jax to leave Nina alone. Nina asks how she got there, and charlotte says, Nina and her papa have to get back together, and she needs it to happen today.

Cyrus tells Jason, very perceptive, but the man on the roof is just a precaution in case Sonny has his own man on the opposite roof. Sonny says he has all the back-up he needs right there, and Cyrus says, of course (🍷), and waves his guy off. He asks Sonny, satisfied? He’d like to proceed with the negotiation. Sonny says he has an offer; take it or leave it. One time only.

Brando tells TJ, he ran into Molly at Kelly’s and she mentioned the hospital. He’s glad TJ is doing well. TJ thanks him for fixing the car. Sam comes in, and TJ asks if she brought her car in too. She says, no. She thought she’d do Molly a favor, and pick up her car. She’s assuming TJ beat her to it. She asks if everything is okay, and TJ says Brando just made himself a customer. He took care of Molly with a special deal. Sam says, really?

Lulu looks at a picture of Charlotte, and tells Laura, she never doubted Valentin’s love for Charlotte; it’s how he shows it. When his and Nina’s wedding went south, he snuck out with Charlotte. Laura say she’s not defending him, but they don’t know for certain Valentin was kidnapping Charlotte. He might have wanted to get her away from Windymere. Nikolas had come home to take the estate, and Valentin might have wanted to take Charlotte to a hotel. Lulu says, or disappear with her forever. Laura says they can keep reiterating the things he’s done wrong forever, but she has to admit, Valentin had a life-altering experience, and at least where Charlotte is concerned, he’s doing his best. Lulu says, when Valentin tries to come off as wise and compassionate, she starts counting the silverware. Laura says, all right. Let’s focus on the matter at hand. How are they going to tell Charlotte?

Nina hugs Charlotte, and Jax suggests he give them privacy, but Nina asks him to stay. Charlotte is growing up, and Nina thinks she can handle it. She tells Charlotte, she needs to understand that she and Jax care for one another. Charlotte says she and papa belong together, and Nina says she’ll always be Charlotte’s friend, but Jax is very important to her. He’s a good guy. Charlotte says papa is going to leave, and not fight for her anymore. He doesn’t want to see her. Jax says, of course (🍷) he wants to see her. Dads are forever.

Alexis tells Valentin, let’s just say she made a mistake. At the time, she didn’t think it was, so she tried to help someone, but might lose her law license. He says, that’s rough; he’s sorry. It’s not the end of the world though. She says, it feels like it, and he says he gets it, but she’s more than just a job. She says, when she thought they were related, she couldn’t stand him. But now that they’re not related, she almost likes him… whoever he is now. Who is he? He says he’d like to know that himself. His phone rings. It’s Nina, who asks how soon he can get to her office. He says he’s in the MetroCourt. What’s up? She says, it’s Charlotte. She’s upset, and needs her father. He asks if she’s all right, and Nina says, just get here. He tells Alexis, he has to go, and jets.

Chase says he just told Finn the whole story, and Finn says, it was a story, all right. A doozy. Chase says Finn is saying that to his face, and Finn says Chase’s face might as well have a sign that says, nice to meet you; I’m lying. There’s no way he’d cheat on Willow. Chase says he hates to let Finn down, but that’s what happened. He didn’t want to hurt Willow, but he had to face what he did. Finn says, they know he’s not the best with emotions, but he can see Chase loves Willow with all his heart, to the moon and back, and all the other clichés. Most days, Chase is a walking Valentine’s Day card, attached to a candy heart that says something embarrassing. Chase says, of course (🍷) he loves Willow, and Finn says, that’s why he’s not having an affair. Chase tells him, ask Willow. She walked in on them. Finn says, Willow saw what they wanted her to see. Why do that? Chase says, he doesn’t know, but it’s killing him inside. Finn suggests Chase drop the act, and tell him why he did the dumbest thing in his life, and pushed Willow away.

Molly tells Kristina, no more details about her love life. Kristina asks if she can offer some advice, and Molly says, no. Kristina tells her not to be so hard on herself. Molly says she gave up on TJ, but Kristina says, she’s not a bad person. Molly says, she’s a bad partner. She fell into bed with the first person who came along. Kristina says Molly isn’t psychic. For all she knew, TJ was having crazy, wild sex too. Molly asks if that’s supposed to make her feel better. Kristina says she’s trying, and Molly says she can rationalize until hell freezes over, but when it comes down to it, she knows what she has to do. She flashes back to TJ telling her, if their positions were reversed, he would have felt the same. She says he doesn’t have to be so nice to her, and he says his mom got texts she thought were from him. Of course (🍷) Molly thought he was icing her out, but they’re ok now. There’s nothing they can’t take back.

TJ asks if Sam wants to surprise Molly together, but she says she has something to discuss with Brando. TJ thanks Brando again, and leaves. Brando says, if this is about Kristina, he did his best to apologize. Sam says Kristina will forget about him like she forgot about Shiloh and DoD. He’s already given one of her sisters special treatment; isn’t it enough? She doesn’t know him, but she knows why he came there. He brought a lot of baggage, and she doesn’t want him to think he can drop it on Molly. Forget that night, and forget her. It never happened. Understood? Geez. Just a little heavy-handed.

Jax tells Charlotte, he doesn’t see Josslyn as much as he’d like, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s his daughter, or how much he loves her. There are no words to describe how much he loves her. He can guarantee Charlotte’s dad feels the same way. Charlotte asks, how? and he says, dads get a special handbook when their daughters are born, and it tells them that daughters are magical, mysterious creatures with special powers over their dads. Charlotte says, that’s not true, but he says she’ll see. Valentin comes in, and Charlotte runs to him. Jax tells Nina, call if she needs anything. Nina tells Valentin that Charlotte is afraid he doesn’t want her anymore. Valentin asks why she thinks that, and Charlotte says he doesn’t love her anymore.

Sonny tells Cyrus, he can live in Port Charles, but has to conduct his business elsewhere. He doesn’t move anything through Sonny’s territory, and doesn’t touch Sonny or his associates. Cyrus says Sonny has a large territory. That kind of deference could be expensive. Sonny says that’s not his problem, and Cyrus says, fine. Sonny has a deal. He holds out his hand, and after a beat, Sonny shakes it. Everyone gives soap opera looks at each other.

Lulu says, anything? and Laura says, Charlotte isn’t in the backyard. Lulu says she called Charlotte’s friends; where could she be? Laura says she’ll drive around the neighborhood, and Lulu says she’ll head to town. Maybe Charlotte went to Kelly’s. Nina calls, and Lulu says, it’s not a good time. Nina says, Charlotte is there at Crimson, and Lulu tells Laura, Charlotte is with Nina. Lulu asks if Charlotte is okay, and Nina says, physically, she’s fine, but she’s upset. Her father is with her. Lulu asks Nina to please keep her there; she’s on her way. She tells Laura, she has to go, and Laura asks her to tell Charlotte that she loves her.

Valentin kneels down, and asks Charlotte to listen. He loves her. How could she think he doesn’t? She says she heard her mom and grandma talking. They said he wanted to leave her. He says he could never ever want to leave her, but he doesn’t want her to make the same mistakes he did. He needs her to know the difference between right and wrong. She says she can’t learn without him. If he loves her, take her somewhere where they can be together. She knows he’s leaving. Please take her wherever he’s going. He leans his head on her, and she hugs him.

Jax sees Alexis, and she says, hey, stranger. He says it’s been too long since he’s reached out, and she says, her too. He says they have to change that. He needs her level head, and she says, it’s funny that he thinks she’s level-headed. What’s the problem? He says he left Valentin alone with Nina and Charlotte. He’s hoping it’s not a mistake. She says Valentin was there when he got a phone call, and ran off. Everything okay? He says, something is going on. He wishes he knew what it was. Charlotte was afraid Valentin was going to leave her. She says, apparently, he made a decision about his future. His life as he knew it was knocked off course, and he wants to do right by Charlotte, even if he has to suffer.

Chase says, Finn doesn’t believe him? Finn says he laid it on thicker than hot fudge at a sundae bar. Chase says he’s stubborn and a pain in the ass, and Finn says, sounds like him, but nothing Chase is saying sounds remotely like him. Chase says, if he tells Finn, promise him it will stay between them. Finn says, absolutely, as long as it’s the truth. Chase says Finn is right. He didn’t cheat on Willow. He needed her to think he did so she’d marry Michael.

Kristina says, Molly can’t leave until she tells Kristina what she’s decided to do. Molly says she’s not asking permission. It’s something she needs to do for herself. She needs to be completely honest, and tell TJ everything.

Brando tells Sam, he didn’t even know Molly had a boyfriend until afterward; not that it’s any of her business. She says he made it her business when he slept with her sister. My Lord. I’m glad my sister isn’t up my rear end like this. Brando says she’s a big girl, and they didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do. She asks what he wants, and he says, to run his garage, if she’ll let him. She says, if he tries to make trouble for Molly, he’ll be in a world of trouble with her.

Cyrus and Not-Jason go into the MetroCourt. Cyrus says, it’s nice to end the day in a place where he was unceremoniously expelled. A place he doesn’t need any permission to be. It was too easy. Sonny thinks he’ll lower his guard, and go in for the kill. Unfortunately, he doesn’t play by Sonny’s rules. Not-Jason asks where Cyrus is going to start, and Cyrus says, by getting rid of Jason.

Jason tells Sonny, Cyrus and his bodyguard are at the MetroCourt. Sonny says, he doesn’t waste time, and Jason wonders, why let him? Sonny says, it seems all cozy and soft. He’ll let Cyrus play house, and when Cyrus starts looking at Sonny out of the corner of his eye, it will be time for him to take Cyrus out.

Tomorrow, TJ walks in on Kristina and Molly talking, Nina tells Lulu to give Valentin a chance, Finn tells Chase to fix this, and Nelle wants to apologize to Willow.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi comes home, and tells Beau that she’s sorry. She’s an a-hole. She shouldn’t have gotten mad at him. It was misdirected anger. In Stassi’s interview, she says she left the wine party by herself. Lala was calling and Katie was texting, telling her that she was being ridiculous. When she got home, she realized she was the a-hole. She shows Beau some boxes of mac and cheese, and says it’s the only thing she can’t screw up. In Beau’s interview, he says he could have avoided last night’s fight if he’d told Stassi that he was proposing, but it would have ruined everything he’s been planning for the last six or seven months. He wants everything to be perfect. She asks if he still wants to go mausoleum shopping; it will be fun. He says, of course, and she says she thought he might cancel. That’s why she made the mac and cheese. She tells him, it’s death time.

At SUR, Danica shows Peter some socks she’s gotten for the softball game. She’s excited. In her interview, she says, not only will they get sweet, sweet bragging rights, but she can put Max in his place. We flash back to when he kicked her out of TomTom.

Tom pretends to use the hand-held vacuum cleaner as a laser sword. Schwartz comes by, and says he doesn’t want them to get furniture. Ariana says she’s thinking of having yoga classes at the house. Tom tells Schwartz that James is coming over to play with them. Ariana says, the big game is tomorrow. She’s playing, but she’ll be bad. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s playing for TomTom, even though she works at SUR. She’s competitive, and Tom doesn’t want her to be on the other team. James arrives, and tells them, Raquel is playing for SUR. It’s on now. In his interview, he says he’s from London. They don’t play softball, and the closest thing they have must be cricket, but if Tom can play, he’s sure he can. They go in the backyard, and James tells them he’s been sober for nearly a month; 28 days. When he does a show, and comes off the stage, he feels all of it. In Tom’s interview, he says, James thought he had to be drunk to be James Kennedy. Now he’s a better version of himself. They practice some ball.

Beau drives to the Hollywood Cemetery. In Stassi’s interview, she says if they buy a mausoleum, Beau has to propose. It’s a gorgeous place, with a lake that has swans, and Stassi tells him, this is where they’re going to be buried. In her interview, she says it’s the perfect way to ensure Beau is committing to a lifetime and afterlifetime. Till death do us not part. She says she loves the vintage writing, and he tells her, that’s Latin. She says he’ll be glad if she dies tomorrow. He’ll be free to mourn, and live out his lonely life for the rest of his life, since he’s not going to date. In Beau’s interview, he says Stassi is in her element, and he’s terrified. His best friend Rob put the ring there. He can’t see Rob or the ring, and he’s panicking, worrying that it might have gotten stolen. It’s the beginning of their life together, and he wants to impress her. They sit on a bench, and he asks what that is on  the ground. Stassi wonders if it’s a bell for dead people, and Beau picks it up. He looks inside, but Stassi doesn’t think he should touch it.

He says he loves her so much. She literally turned his world upside down, in the best way possible. There’s nobody else he’d want to spend the rest of his life with. He asks her to marry him, and in between oh-my-Gods, she says, yes. He puts the ring on her, and they kiss. She says, we’re engaged, MF’ers. She says he told her that they wouldn’t be getting married this year, and he says she was supposed to be surprised. It’s what you’re supposed to do. He explains that the ring is a family heirloom, and she says she feels like a part of history; it’s perfect for her. In Beau’s interview, he says they’ve grown a lot as a couple. We flash back to some of their moments, and he says, there have been bad times, but that’s behind them. He’s excited thinking about the future. We flash back to Stassi telling him that she loves him more than ranch dressing. He says, now that they’re fiancés, he wonders if Stassi will get upset if he slips and calls her his girlfriend. He tells her, Lisa offered her home for a party, and she’s going to cook. Katie and Schwartz helped with the whole thing. She says that’s probably why Katie was torturing her. She calls Katie, who screams into the phone when she answers. Lala is there, and says she’s freaking TF out. They tell Stassi how hard it was to keep it from her. Stassi tells Katie, she so mean, and she was wondering why. Katie jokes that she was okay with being mean, and Stassi says she’s so happy, she can’t think straight. Everyone is thrilled. Beau tells Stassi, fiancé sounds bougie, and she says she feels bougie. Everyone is going to be jelly. It’s the best day of her life.

Lisa puts the finishing touches on the party. She tells Ken that she needs him to get ready too. Puffy! Lala and Katie get to Villa Rosa first, and Lala says she thinks it’s better than Christmas. Lisa asks if Lala is wearing anything underneath her dress, and Lala moons her in response. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Villa Rosa is not clothing optional. For the most part, when employees are at her house, she likes them to be fully dressed. News of the engagement spreads like wildfire through the restaurants, and Katie says she texted everyone after Beau proposed. In her interview, Katie says, after Beau proposed, she sent everyone a text to come to the party. Lisa asks about Kristen, and Katie explains what happened with Beau the night before. Lisa asks if Stassi would be upset if Kristen came to the party, and Katie says she would. She needs a break. Lisa says she feels sympathy toward Kristen, which isn’t her normal stance, but she introduced Stassi to Beau. Lala says she was hoping to call Kristen, and handle it. At some point, Kristen needs to look in the mirror, and ask herself what she’s doing.

Kristen teaches her dogs the stay command. They do a million times better than mine. In Kristen’s interview, she says she and Stassi used to tell each other everything, and to find out Stassi is engaged on social media sucks. Where there’s an engagement, there’s an engagement party, and there’s a pretty good chance she’s not invited. Lala calls, and Kristen says she already knows Stassi is engaged, already knows there’s a party, and already knows she’s not welcome at the party. She hopes they have fun. Lala says she knows Kristen was fully coming. Lisa knew, but then things went south last night. Kristen says just because she asked Beau if they were still friends? and Lala says, it’s a weird question. A thirty-six year old doesn’t ask if we’re still friends. He’s Stassi’s fiancé. Kristen asks if this is why Lala called, and Lala says she called to check in with Kristen, but she brought it up. Lala tells her, have a good night. After she hangs up, Lala says, so annoying.

Stassi calls her dad from the car, and says she’s engaged. He says, to who? Beau says they’ll come to New Orleans to see him soon. He asks Stassi if he should call her dad pop now. He asks if Kristen texted, but Stassi says, no. He thinks she was definitely trying to see if she should come to the party . Stassi gets it, but doesn’t want to share this moment with Kristen. In Stassi’s interview, she says she wants to celebrate this incredible day with the people she loves, who don’t stress her out. Beau says he got a text from Carter, and Stassi tells him to send it. She reads, don’t forget to thank Kristen. She made it happen, and now he and Stassi treat her like sh*t. It’s some cold-blooded sh*t. Stassi says, so her first order of business should be to text Kristen. This is why she doesn’t like them.

Everyone trickles in to the party. Literally everyone, except for Kristen. Ariana tells Schwartz, she didn’t eat all day because she was so excited about the dinner he was preparing. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, in order to make sure everyone was available, and without spoiling the surprise, he had to come up with a diversion. We see a clip of him telling Tom and Ariana about a seven-course dinner that he’s making, to stimulate the senses. Ariana says, it’s not happening, is it? Tom says he’s never trusting Schwartz again. He said they were getting individual iron skillets. Schwartz says he doesn’t know why he was so specific; it was unnecessary. In Lisa’s interview, Lisa says Stassi now knows about the party, but she doesn’t know her family is surprising her. She has Mark, Dana, Nikolai, and some others hide. Stassi and Beau arrive, and Stassi shows Lisa the ring. Lisa says, it’s beautiful. Beau did a good job; better than she could imagine. Lisa knows it’s a lot to take in. She tells Stassi, the big surprise is about to get better, and her family comes out. In Stassi’s interview, she says to see her whole family there, she’s shook. Her dad lives in New Orleans, and her mom lives in Arrowhead. It’s rare to have her whole family together at once. It couldn’t be more special. Beau says, no more lies; that’s it. Stassi cries, while hugging everyone. In Katie’s interview, she says, Stassi looks so happy; it’s so incredible. But she thought, where’s Stassi’s other outfit? She told her to wear something else; her ghost outfit. The favorite dress you want to wear as a ghost. Ooh, I like that idea. She tells Stassi that she had anxiety about the ring bouncing around. Lisa asks, who’s hungry? and tells them to sit for dinner. She leads Stassi to the head of the table – Puffy! – and says she doesn’t know how this happened; her waiting on Stassi. It’s a one-time thing. The service Stassi should have given the customers over the years. In Brittany’s interview, she says Jax put together a beautiful party after their engagement. A surprise at her apartment was cool and all, but if he’d had the party at Villa Rosa, she would have been fine with that. Stassi feels like it’s sci/fi; everything is coming over her. Lisa tells her, don’t turn into a bridezilla.

Lisa tells Stassi and Beau to love each other, and treat each other with the utmost respect. It’s worth it. Ariana tells Tom, she’s sitting next to Kristen’s empty seat. It’s like the ghost of Kristen is haunting the dinner table. In her interview, she says she can feel Kristen’s energy. She can’t hear, and she’s complaining about her tiny ear drums. It’s hard not to miss her. Jax feels like Carter sent the text to get brownie points with Kristen. In his interview, he says he sees through that bullsh*t. Scheana asks Nikolai what he thinks of Beau, and Nikolai says he’s good for Stassi. Scheana says she can’t believe how much he’s grown, and starts to creep me out. She asks if he has a girlfriend, but he says, no. She says, what about when he gets to high school? and he says, probably. In Scheana’s interview, she says, twenty-one is the youngest she’ll hook up with. She doesn’t want to date any younger. Please don’t tell me the thought was even in her head. Consider me officially creeped out. He’s like fifteen. Beau and Stassi stroll the grounds, and Beau points out the lemon trees, and the swans. Stassi says it’s the happiest day of her life, and he says, his too. She says they have so much to look forward to. This will be theirs one day. In her interview, Stassi says it makes her gag when she hears it, but she truly is the luckiest girl in the world. She’s so happy. She thanks Beau.

Brett goes out for his break. The girls are outside, and Charli says she’s never had the pasta there. Dayna says, don’t; it’s a slippery slope. Charli says she barely tried the spaghetti at Olive Garden. I have news for her, Olive Garden and SUR are worlds apart. Brett comes out, and Raquel and Charli get up. He asks if he smells, and Raquel says if he’s on break, that means they have to go back. When they’re alone, Dayna tells him that she wishes she’d met him before she met Max. Max is a kid, and she and Brett have deep conversations. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Brett is an effing man. When Max would hug her, she felt like she might break his arms. She says Max will always need something new and shiny. She would have been in his rear view in five minutes. He’s going to run out of women to date, since he’s been overfishing. In Brett’s interview, he says Dayna wants commitment, and Max is scratching the surface of being a sex addict. He tells Dayna, he’s hitting a home run tomorrow.

Stassi wonders if the dogs know she and Beau are engaged. She tells him that she was thinking about a small, intimate, romantic wedding in Italy. He can’t believe she’s already thinking about it, and she says, Italy is romantic and fun, the food is great, and she loves the people and the atmosphere. She loves everything about it. He asks if she doesn’t want to enjoy this part, and she says, part of enjoying this part is the planning. In her interview, she says once she got the ring, she turned into a terrorist. The world is her effing oyster because of this. She shows us the ring. She tells Beau that he doesn’t have to help her plan it. She doesn’t want him to worry his pretty head. He asks who is she? and she says she’s a bride demon. It’s going to be exciting.

Jax brings his lawn mower to Kristen’s house. In his interview, he says he enjoys cutting the grass. It’s therapeutic. He cuts his own grass, his neighbor’s grass, the grass of people who don’t know who he is. It reminds him of his dad showing him how to do it. Brittany tells Kristen, Jax brought the lawn mower, the weed whacker, and the leaf blower. He informs us that Kristen has Kentucky bluegrass. Brittany asks if Kristen is okay about yesterday, and Kristen says, no. She didn’t want to see anyone. Carter picked up the dogs. She doesn’t want them to be around her when she’s sad. In Kristen’s interview, she says they’re her emotional support animals, but she thinks it bums them out if she’s not playing with them, and just in bed crying. She tells Brittany, she wishes someone had called her first. Lala went off on her, and she was crying, and called Carter. Brittany tells her that Carter texted Beau. Jax comes in, and Brittany tells him to read the text. In her interview, Kristen says, Carter is the one person to stand up for her. She swooned a little bit (what? who says that?), but the timing is a bit poor. Brittany says it’s not Kristen’s fault, but Kristen says it will end up being her fault like everything else. Does she ever watch herself on this show?

The SUR and TomTom teams warm up on the ballfield. Katie tells Schwartz, she doesn’t enjoy softball. She doesn’t like balls flying at her. In her interview, Katie says, she’s being a good wife. This is what you do when you’re married; play softball. In Tom’s interview, he says, team TomTom is ready. He’s the most experienced captain, they have the most experienced players, and DJ James Kennedy. He feels good about their chances. He chose black for their uniforms, because it hides dirt, it’s slimming, and looks good. SUR chose it for the same reasons. In Danica’s interview, she says, they’re taking TomTom TF down. She and Brett are team captains, and SUR is super athletic. They’re not cleaning TomTom’s damn bathroom. Lisa says, let’s get the game started. They’re playing nice, right? They say, no, and in Lisa’s interview, she says she’s on board with team building exercises. Not so much their extracurricular activities. If they hit a home run, let them do it on the field rather than the bedroom.

In her interview, Scheana says she’s been playing baseball since she was seven, and continued through high school. Her great aunt Shirley was in the Rockford Peaches, the team that A League of Their Own was based on. And she can pitch with these nails just fine. James sits next to Katie, and says he was surprised he was invited. She says, her too, and he says he hasn’t been drinking for a month. He’s been going to meetings, and working to change his attitude on life. Part of that is how he’s treating people, and how disgusting he was. In James’s interview, he says, the steps are part of his sobriety, and making amends to people he’s wronged. Katie is pretty high on the list. We flash back to several examples of that. She asks if this is the last apology, and he says, it really is. She says she appreciates it. In Katie’s interview, she says, she’s not cold-blooded. She feels he’s spent time thinking about the things he’s said and done, so she accepts it. She tells him that she’s proud of him.

In Charli’s interview, she says she played softball through high school, and she’s competitive. Probably because she didn’t have a dad. Just kidding. Hmm… that’s actually not all that funny, and makes me wonder about her. Brett says he’s going to make Lisa proud, and she says he doesn’t need to impress her. Brittany laughs about Katie eating sunflower seeds and drinking soda out on the field. Jax calls Tom a big baby, and in his interview, says, there’s no way Tom knows enough about softball to be the rules police. If he wanted bronzer for his calves, Tom would be the one to ask, but he doesn’t know anything about softball. He yells that he wouldn’t trade Raquel for Tom. No offense. Raquel says he hasn’t even seen her play. In her interview, Raquel says, you don’t know what competitive means until you’re in the pageant circuit.

Raquel gets a home run, and Tom says they can still make a comeback. SUR wins, and they chant, clean our bathroom. In Tom’s interview, he says, it’s going to suck cleaning their toilet. Schwartz says the joke’s on them. He likes cleaning bathrooms.

Next time, Brett feels violated after being in Scheana’s music video, Jax tells Kristen that she’s angry all the time, Kristen says Jax is delusional, and Brittany doesn’t want Jax circling back to his old ways.

😳 I’m Not Alone…

Apparently, Scheana creeped out a few people.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian visits Lushion’s office, and says they have to talk. The DA came to see Larry. She said Carl called, and claimed he had information that could exonerate Kelly. Lushion asks if that isn’t what he’s supposed to do, and Ian says, Larry needs to know exactly what it is, but Carl isn’t answering his phone. Lushion asks what the problem is with Carl doing what he’s supposed to. Ian says, if he brags, it could be bad for Kelly. He’ll check the courthouse. He tells Lushion, if he finds Carl, let him know. Lushion says he has to talk to Ian about something else, but now isn’t the right time. Ian says, now he’s curious, and Lushion says, Ian and Alex. Ian says, what about them?

Ian doesn’t know what Lushion is talking about. He starts to leave, but comes back. He asks why Lushion was asking about him and Alex. Did she talk to him? Lushion looks at the floor. Ian asks if she filed a complaint, and says he knew it. He swears it was consensual sex; she’s way off her rocker. Lushion has to believe him. He asks if she’s saying he raped her, and Lushion says, just tell him what happened. Ian says Alex came over and got drunk. The next morning, she said he took advantage of her, and drugged her. Lushion says, did he? and Ian says, no. She finally remembered that she came on to him. Lushion has to believe him. Lushion says he does, and Ian asks if he’s getting arrested. Lushion says, no. Alex didn’t come in there. Ian asks why he said all this, and Lushion says Ian volunteered the information. Ian says, that’s low down, and Lushion says, Ian does it every day in court. If Ian thinks she might press charges, they should talk about it. He’s the only one who’s got Ian; he saw him having sex on the stairs with Alex through the window. She was fully engaged, and didn’t look out of it. Ian thanks Lushion, and suggests he talk to Alex, but Lushion says she has to come to him. Relax. Go find Carl. Ian thanks Lushion again, and leaves.

Marcie tells Brad, it might not be the worst thing. This way, he can raise his kids. He says she can’t be serious. There’s no way Alex would walk out on the kids. Marcie says he didn’t think she was this person either. He needs to talk to a lawyer immediately. She knows he can get custody with her acting like this. He’ll have to call Larry. He’s a weirdo, but he’s a good lawyer. He asks if Ian isn’t her boyfriend, and she says, apparently, he’s Alex’s. She says she can stay there, and have someone else show the house, but he says, that’s okay. He’ll stay with the baby. She says, it’s been a lot. He didn’t know who the father was, and had thought it was his kid. He says that won’t stop him from helping an innocent baby, and she says that’s why she loves him. He’s a good man. He says he loves her too. Go to work; sell the house. She leaves, and he sits back. The baby cries.

As Marcie crosses the street to her car, Randal says, hey there. She says, damn. He needs a job. He asks if she’s living there with Brad, and calls her a slut. She says, that would be his mistress. Did he see what was online? How does it make him feel? He says, glad he’s not with Marcie, and she says she’s got a wedding to plan. He laughs, and she says, it’s happening. He promises she’ll never walk down the aisle. She asks if that’s a threat, and he says she knows it is. She says he doesn’t scare her, but he says he thinks he does. She slaps his forehead, and asks if she looks scared. He says, they’re assaulting each other? and she says, please do. He says he’s got her, and she says, not anymore. Brad’s got her now. Come on. Hit her, so she can scream Brad’s name, like she does every night. It’s too much for him to handle. He says he’s way better at this than she is, and she says she’s going to have a baby; the one he thought was his. Wouldn’t it be funny if she and Brad raised the baby together? That crazy bitch left. She said Brad could have the kids. He laughs, and she asks if he thinks it’s funny. He says, very funny. See how crazy he made her ass? He says he’ll see her soon, and she says, every day she’ll be there. She drives away.

Dr. Raston says she wasn’t expecting to see Alex. Is she okay? Alex says, no and yes, and the doctor asks, what’s going on? Alex says she needs to get birth control pills, and she wants to schedule a tubal ligation. Dr. Raston says, she’s done with kids? and Alex says, yeah; all of them. She left Brad, and she’s giving him the kids. The doctor asks, what about the baby? and Alex says, him too. Dr. Raston asks if she’s been drinking, and Alex says, everything she can get her hands on. The doctor asks if they can talk, and Alex says, about birth control? The doctor says, first, why does Alex need them? Alex says, so she can live her life, and be free in the moment. Dr. Raston says, they won’t protect her from HIV or STDs, but Alex says she can get condoms. Dr. Raston tells her to slow down; she’s worried. Alex says she’s fine. Give her what she needs, and she can go. The doctor tells her, wait there.

In the hallway, Dr. Raston calls Brad. She asks if everything is okay; Alex is there. She knows things are difficult, but Alex isn’t herself. He says, that’s who Alex is. Did Alex tells her that she’s been online, dating lots of different men? The doctor says she didn’t know that, and he says the Alex in front of her is the real Alex. He’s been dealing with a liar and an imposter for some time, and doesn’t want to deal with it right now. The doctor apologizes, and goes back into the examining room. She gives Alex a sample card of pills from the case, and Alex says, if they were there the whole time, why did she have to leave? Did she need to call Brad? Dr. Raston says she’s concerned, but Alex says she shouldn’t be. He doesn’t care anyway. The doctor asks if she can call Alex, and Alex says she can try.

Alex sees two guys coming into the waiting room, one supporting the other. She asks, what happened? and the limping guy says he was in a fight with a bull. He got roughed up. She says it sounds like the place she wants to be, and he tells her to go to the cowboy bar on Highway 65. She says, maybe she’ll go there right now, and he says when he gets patched up, he can bring her. She says, how about if she meets him there? He looks good in those jeans. He’s her kind of man. He asks, what kind is that? and she says, a man.

Ian goes into Larry’s office, and Larry asks if he found Carl. Ian says, not yet, and Larry says, Carl is a public defender; it’s not that hard. Ian says he’s on it, and asks, what’s going on? Larry says he’s hearing things about the Cain case. If he’s not mistaken, Ian was helping Kelly before. Ian says his loyalty is to the firm. Is Larry questioning that? Is he questioning Ian’s integrity? Larry says, Ian is a lawyer. He has no integrity. He hopes he doesn’t find out Ian is lying. Ian asks if Larry is threatening him, and Larry says he is. That’s all for now.

Alex goes to the cowboy bar, where apparently, they serve drinks in Solo cups. She tells the bartender that she’s divorced, and needs another drink. He asks if she wants his special. It’s called, I just got divorced. She asks if he wants to do a shot with her, and he says he’s working. She says, come on, and he says he guesses the boss won’t mind too much. She tells him, make her two. Tiny Solo cups! I’ve never seen those before. They do the shots, and she gives him a credit card, telling him put everything on there. It’s her ex-husband’s; he doesn’t know she has it. He says, how about champagne? and she says, okay. Champagne for everybody. He says, there are only about nine people, but hey, and she says, champagne and a round of drinks. She asks if the mechanical bull works; she wants to ride It. He asks if she knows how, and she says, sure. He asks if she likes riding, and she says she loves it. Stop flirting with her. He says he’s not, and she says he is cute. He thanks her, and she says she has a friend she thinks he’s going to like; a gorgeous Latin girl, Esperanza. She’s going to call her. Maybe they can ride the bull together, but first, shots.

Randal sits all pissed off, looking at his phone and his laptop. He closes the laptop, and says, you think you’re slick. Got you, bitch. He makes a call.

The bartender asks Alex what they’re cheersing to, and she says her divorce. They do a shot, and her phone rings. She laughs, and says, perfect timing. Randal says she was a whore online, screwing all these guys. She says, they swiped right, or left. Whatever; they swiped. He asks if she’s drunk, and she says, yep. She says they need to talk, and he asks, what’s wrong with her? She tells him that he needs to get a sling; it’s going to help him a lot. He says she’s drunk as hell. What is she talking about? She says she’s just trying to help, so he won’t be so curved. His little member is like a little banana. It’s not that fun, to be honest. I nearly die laughing. She doesn’t understand. Is that normal? She asks the bartender if he’s curved, and he says he’s whatever she wants him to be. She tells Randal, in all seriousness, they need to talk. She never loved him. He tells her, that’s not what she said in the shed. She says, the shed. That was just for fun, like the others. He asks, how many? and she says, a lot. He asks where she is, and she says, at the cowboy bar. It’s so fun. He tells her, stay there; he’s coming down. She says, good. Bring his wallet. She just had a brilliant idea. Invent a curved condom. He’d make so much money. He says he’ll see her later, and she calls Esperanza.

Alex asks where Esperanza is, and Esperanza says, at work. Alex says, guess where she is? and Esperanza says she doesn’t know, but it’s loud. Alex says she’s at the cowboy bar, and she’s going to ride a mechanical bull. Esperanza asks if she’s drunk, and why is she at a bar in the middle of the afternoon? Alex says she’s about to ride the bull like nobody’s business, and hangs up. Steven asks, what’s up? and Esperanza says, Alex. She’s at a bar, drunk. Steven says, in the middle of the day? It’s a little strange. Esperanza asks if Eddie is out, and he says, yeah, but it’s okay. He’s there. She calls Natalie.

Natalie is sweeping up at the burger place. Esperanza asks if she’s talked to Alex, but she says, no. Esperanza says, Alex called her, drunk at a bar. Natalie says, she’s going through it, girl. She signed the divorce papers. Esperanza says, that would explain a lot. She didn’t sound good. She’s going over there to check on Alex. Natalie says, pick her up, and she’ll go with her. Esperanza says she’ll see Steven later.

Kelly calls for Lushion from her cell. Steven comes by, and Kelly says, Eddie took her Bible. He doesn’t understand, and she tells him to get Lushion. Please. She needs him right now. He says, okay; relax. He’ll get Lushion. He tells Lushion, Kelly needs to talk to him. She’s yelling about Eddie stealing her Bible. Lushion jumps up, and goes to Kelly’s cell. Kelly is crying, and says Eddie took her bible. Lushion asks, how? and she says, he came into her cell. She sobs, and he tells her that he’ll take care of it. Man, I need a Lushion in my life.

Alex rides the bull, which isn’t exactly on high speed. Natalie and Esperanza come in, and Esperanza tells her, come down. She says, Johnny, a round of drinks, but Esperanza says, no drinks. They help Alex down, and she hugs them. She says she’s drunk, and Natalie says they know that. Alex says Johnny is giving her a job; she’s going to be a waitress. Natalie says, she needs a job? and Alex says, now that she’s divorced, she needs to be free. Natalie says, she can’t be too free. She’s got kids. Alex says, pfft! Brad will take care of the kids, and Esperanza says she’s just going to give Brad custody? Alex says, yeah, but Esperanza says she doesn’t mean that. Alex says she does, and Esperanza says they have to get her home. Alex says, her home is with him. Johnny smiles, and Alex says, he lives upstairs. She’s spent her whole life doing what everyone else wanted. Now it’s her turn. She’s had enough. Esperanza tells her, look at herself, and Alex says, she’s happy for once? Esperanza says she looks miserable, but Alex says she feels happy, and she’s not going anywhere. Esperanza says she has a family; she has to go back. Natalie says, divorce is hard. When she sobers up, she’ll see what she was thinking. Alex says, no she won’t, and Natalie says she has three kids who love and need her, but Alex says Brad is a better person and parent than she could be. He  never cheated; not once. He’s going raise them right. She doesn’t deserve them. Esperanza asks if this is about guilt, and Alex says, no. Natalie asks what it is then, and Alex asks if Natalie knows how many men she’s been with. More than Esperanza, and that’s a lot. Esperanza is like, hey, and Alex says, they all know. She’s not going back to that life. She’s going to stay there with the tall sexy cowboy. She’s going to get a job and live there, and be a waitress. Natalie says, they’re going, and Esperanza says, all right. She gives up. Natalie says Alex has their numbers. Alex says, at least ride the bull once. Fire this puppy up. Alex gets on the bull again, and Esperanza asks, what if she hurts herself? and Natalie says she can’t stay there forever. They head for the door, and Alex yells, yeehaw, bitches!

On the phone, Lushion tells Rick, he’ll see him at three. He goes into the locker room, and Eddie is there. Lushion asks where the Bible is, and Eddie says, what he calls contraband? Lushion says, dammit, Eddie, and Eddie says, watch out. God is going to get him. He doesn’t know what Lushion is talking about. Lushion slams Eddie up against the lockers, and Eddie says, there’s the Lushion he knows. He says it’s in his locker, and Lushion says, get it. Eddie gives Lushion the Bible, and Lushion flips through it. No surprise, the photos are no longer there. Lushion asks where the pictures are, and Eddie says he flushed them. Does Lushion need them for something? Lushion says he’ll see Eddie back at the station. When he’s gone, Eddie makes a call, and asks for sugar britches. He gets silence, and says, sweet t*ts? The operator says, there’s no one here by that name, and he says, Larry. Put that little lady on the phone.

Larry’s secretary says, a very rude man is on the phone for him, and Larry says, what else is new? She tells him, he said his name was Eddie, and Larry says, it makes perfect sense. Put him through. He asks what he can do for Eddie, and Eddie says, get $200K from the good reverend. He has information about some women he might find interesting. Larry doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have this conversation on the phone, and Eddie says he’ll come there. Larry says, make his day, and Eddie says he’d better have the money. Larry says Eddie will have to show what he has first, and Eddie says he’s on his way. Larry tells him, wear something low cut and tight. He’ll see Eddie soon. Eddie hangs up, and says, freaky mother better have my money.

Brad calls babysitter Chelsea, and leaves a message. He thanks her for staying late, and apologizes. He says he was wondering if she’s free this afternoon around three, and to call him back. He looks in the crib and says, the baby is sleeping; good. He has no idea all this craziness is around him. He touches the baby, and says, he’s not breathing. He leans in, and says, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Next time, Brad tells Natalie and Esperanza, the baby isn’t breathing; Eddie brings the pictures to Larry; Kelly feels like a caged animal; Randal shows up at the cowboy bar, and Johnny draws a gun on him.

🤸🏻‍♀️  Hanging In(side)…

Another long night under my belt, and another day of self-isolation under (almost) everyone’s belt. An expanding belt if we all don’t lay off those cookies/pies/mashed potatoes/whatever your comfort food is. I hope you’ve been using the time wisely, like binge watching the early seasons of Below Deck or learning how to make the perfect Pinterest fail. While not much changed for me, I’ll be glad to see paper towels again. Stay safe, stay chill, and if you see something, say something. Oh, wait. Wrong crisis.

April 22, 2020 – Willow Tells Michael What She Saw, Summer Duds, Erika Lands Chicago & Not That Long


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Elizabeth comes by Mike’s room at Turning Woods, and says she misses Mike’s smile. She tells Sonny, she knows some days are better than others, and today was rough. She’s hoping the family and his surroundings will be a comfort. Sonny tells Mike to get some rest. When Mike is ready to talk, he’ll be there.

Willow goes to Charlie’s. She flashes back to finding Sasha and Chase together. She remembers telling Chase, when they thought she was pregnant, he said it would be a dream come true. He says, eventually, when they decide together. She says she thought they were on the same page, and he says, every waking moment, she’s consumed, and can’t let go. It’s like she got on the train, it left the station, and she never realized he got left behind. She goes into Charlies, and sees Michael there. He says he wanted it to be just the two of them without Diane. He loves Diane, but she’s a lawyer, and the last thing he wants is for Willow to feel uncomfortable. Willow remembers seeing Chase and Sasha kissing on the couch, and Sasha saying Willow wasn’t supposed to come home.

Chase and Sasha look at their wine glasses. She says, it’s not too late to go after Willow, and tell her the truth; they faked all this. They shoved it together, and it was stupid and crazy. Michael and Willow are the best things that have ever happened to them, and she’s so sorry. It might be awkward for a while, and maybe they can’t hang out together anymore, but they’ll have the people they love back. Chase says, it sounds amazing and awesome for them, but what about Michael and Willow? Does she think they’ll be happier with them, or together with Wiley?

Nina says Nelle is at work late, and Nelle says she wants to get it in while she can. She won’t be able to work nights when Wiley is living with her. Nina asks if Nelle isn’t getting ahead of herself, but Nelle says, it’s going to happen. As soon as she’s able, she wants to get a house. Something small, but sweet, with a picket fence, and a swing in the front yard. She always wanted that. Nina says, so did she.

Alexis meets Diane at the MetroCourt. She says she’s been looking forward to this all day,  and asks where Max is. Diane says he’s not joining them, and Alexis suggests they get a smaller table, but Diane says they still need a bigger one. Sam approaches the table, and Alexis says Diane set her up. Diane says, damn right she did, and Sam sits down.

Sonny tells Elizabeth that Mike took a fall today. The doctor said it was to be expected. Elizabeth says, that’s true with neurological disorders. Elizabeth asks if Mike is thirsty, and Sonny says he tried giving Mike some water, but he spit it out. Elizabeth asks if she can try. She puts a straw to Mike’s mouth, and asks him to take a sip. He doesn’t, and she says they’ll try again in a little bit. She has an idea, and puts some water on a washcloth. She dabs Mike’s lips with it, and then he sucks on it. She says, nice, right? She asks if he minds if she steals Sonny for a minute, and Sonny says he’ll be right back. They go into the hallway, and she asks when Mike started having a problem with drinking. Sonny says, it’s the first he’s seen Mike do that, but the staff said they were having problems getting him to eat yesterday. He assumed it was all the moving around. She says, people at this stage do better with a routine that’s not disruptive, but it seems to be more than that.

Sam tells Alexis, before she lays into Diane, this was her idea. She asked Diane to be here. Diane asks what Alexis thinks she’s doing, hiding from her daughter? Alexis says she’s not hiding, and that’s an aggressive word. Diane says she’s been with Alexis twice when she let calls from Sam go to voicemail. Alexis says she didn’t think it would be polite to answer, and Diane laughs. She says, complete avoidance. She can’t force Alexis to tell Sam what’s going on, but as Alexis’s bestie, she’s telling her that shutting her daughter out is hurting her, and she’s denying herself the support she desperately needs.

Chase tells Sasha, he can only speak his side; the Willow side. He fell in love with her the minute after he saw her, sitting in her car in the parking garage, in full-on tears. He couldn’t stop staring at her. We flash back to her wildly beeping the horn, and yelling that she’s being robbed, while he tries to tell her that he’s a cop; a detective. She tells him, listen, Sherlock, and threatens to run over him. He says, here’s his shield, showing her, and she asks if he thinks he’s Captain America. Chase tells Sasha, in all the time they’ve spent together, not once did Willow walk into a room and not take his breath away. Sasha asks why Willow was in tears when they met, and he says, she was crying over the baby she’d given up. He didn’t know at the time how fitting it was how they met. As deeply as he’s loved her this entire time, he knew her heart was with that child.

Michael tells Willow, whatever it is, they’ll fix it, but she says she has to tell him what’s going on. She doesn’t want to hurt him, but doesn’t want to lie to him either. He says he’s a big boy, and can handle whatever it is. She says, Chase and Sasha are having an affair. He says, what? He knows they’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, but did she just get that impression, or was there more to it? She says she got that impression when she came home and found them in each other’s arms. Michael wants to be clear, and says, she saw Sasha and Chase together? She says, on the couch, with his shirt off and hers unbuttoned. They weren’t having sex, but they were on their way. She’s sorry. He doesn’t understand. How and when? She says she asked the same thing. He says, and…? she says he’s not going to like the answer.

Diane asks if they’re just going to sit and look at each other. Alexis says, if it’s so important, you tell her. Diane says she’s not telling Sam. That doesn’t fix anything; only confronting it does. Diane starts to get up, but Alexis tells her to sit back down. She set up this half-assed intervention; she’s going to stay for the fallout. Sam asks, what’s going on? and Alexis says she had a drink.

Nina tells Nelle, she wanted a swing when she was little. Nelle says Nina lived in Manhattan, and Nina says that’s why she didn’t get one. Her parents set up an elaborate swing set in the Hamptons. Nelle says, that sounds nice, but Nina says, it’s not what she wanted. What she desired was a simple wood swing hanging from a tree. It’s not about the swing, but what it represents; a family, cozy and happy and loving. It was a fantasy she dreamed up for herself. Nelle says she had the same dream from the other side. They moved a lot to crap rentals, mostly condos. They all have a play area; sunbaked, cracked, and broken, not like what she’d dreamed. She never got her fairytale, so she’s going to make damn sure her son gets his.

Willow says she thinks it’s a combination of things. She’ll start at the beginning, or where she thinks is the beginning. Around Thanksgiving, she thought she was pregnant. It was only for a couple of days, but looking back, Chase had a different reaction than she did. He was wonderful and supportive, talking about someday kids. Michael says, but not today, and Willow says, when they thought it might be a reality, she could tell Chase was freaked out. In a sweet, loving way, but she understands. They hadn’t talked about kids, or even marriage. She thinks Chase was unsettled by it, and didn’t tell her because of the Wiley situation. Now, looking back, she guesses she didn’t notice where he was in life – or wasn’t. He wanted something less complicated, less lifetime commitment. He just wasn’t there. Michael flashes back to telling Sasha that he doesn’t expect her to be instamom, and her saying, obviously Wiley comes first. As for them, they’re good, and they’ll take it as it comes. They’ll figure out the Wiley part later. He tells Willow, Sasha wasn’t there either.  

Chase tells Sasha, by the time Willow realized her baby died, it didn’t matter. Not that it didn’t matter, but… Sasha knows what he means. Willow already loved Wiley, and thought of him as her own. Chase says he thinks Willow could be happy without Wiley, but if Wiley was ever hurting or suffering, and it was within Willow’s power to stop it, he doesn’t think she could live with that. For him, the best way to love her – and he does – is to tell this lie and let her go. Sasha says, what if he’s wrong?

Elizabeth tells Sonny, in cases like Mike’s, his literally memory is fading, but his body is struggling to remember how to work. Has he discussed palliative care with the doctors? Sonny says Mike isn’t ready for end of life care, but she says, it’s more like an extra layer of support. It can easily be done there; Mike doesn’t have to move. They’ll have a team of people, experienced in Mike’s condition. She thinks it would be helpful for all of them. He says, just when you think you’ve got a handle on the disease, it gets worse. She says that’s why she thinks it’s important that both he and Mike have support. They can answer any questions, and talk through the options. He gets the feeling Elizabeth has something specific in mind, and she says she couldn’t help but notice Mike has no DNR in place. At this point, she thinks he needs one.

Sam asks Alexis when this happened, and Alexis says when Sam left the bar, but… Sam says she’s so sorry. She should never have unloaded like that; it’s her fault. Alexis says that’s not the reason she had a drink. There were a lot of things weighing on her mind. It had nothing to do with Sam. Sam asks, what kind of things? and Alexis says, when she was in New York to testify at Neil’s hearing, they slept together. Diane says, what now? and Alexis says, she had sex with Neil. Diane says, she had sex with Neil? and Sam repeats, she had sex with Neil? Sam says, Alexis told her that they had no personal relationship, and Alexis says, when she agreed to testify, they didn’t. Diane says, hypothetically, sneaking around after what was certainly an amazing night with Neil, Alexis was far too wise to go down to the review board. Alexis says that’s exactly what she did; she lied. Sam says, under oath? and Alexis says, yep.

Nina tells Nelle, by no means does she have to stay, but if the copy she’s looking for comes, can Nelle run it to her? She’s meeting Jax at the MetroCourt bar. Nelle says, no problem, and Nina says she was thinking about what Nelle said. She’s sure Nelle and Michael want the same thing. Doesn’t Nelle think there’s some way to have a meeting of the minds? Watching Lulu and Valentin go at it, she can see they’ve lost sight of what’s best for their daughter. Nelle tells her, explain that to Michael. She tried. She’d love nothing more than to co-parent, but when she’s brought it up, she gets a lecture on how evil and toxic she is. He doesn’t see her love for Wiley. All he sees is an endless list of her perceived wrongs. Nina asks if it’s unjustified, and Nelle says she knows she’s made mistakes, but she wants to do and be better for Wiley. Nina is lucky that she can leave the past in the past. Nina says she’s very fortunate. If she can offer one piece of advice… if the opportunity for compromise presents itself, take it. She tells Nelle, don’t work too late, and leaves.

Sasha asks if she and Chase aren’t basically playing God, getting together to steer Willow and Michael, as if they can’t figure it out for themselves and decide what they should do. Chase says he thought they talked about it, and she says she was a 100% willing participant, but now that they’ve actually done it… He says he knows, and Sasha says, what if Michael and Willow blame each other, or end up hating each other, or some other terrible thing happens to make it not work out? Chase asks if she really thinks that’s a possibility, and she says what she thinks is that Michael and Willow are going to get married, because that’s what Wiley needs. She thinks they’ll do their best to be kind and supportive for the sake of the child. And she thinks before Wiley’s third birthday, or maybe sooner, Willow will be madly in love with Michael, and be the happiest woman on the face of the earth. She cries.

Michael tells Willow, everything changed when he found out Wiley was his son. She says, of course (🍷) it did. He says, Wiley came first, and Sasha was incredible about it; caring and supportive. Willow says, but… and he says, she made it clear that she was in no place to be a mom. Willow says, which, like Chase, is understandable. Michael says, she’d put the drama behind her and was on the brink of a new career she was excited about. She didn’t want an instant family, but made it clear nothing had to change. They defined the rules. She was fine with it in theory, but then Nelle showed up. Sasha stepped up, but like Chase, she was telling him what he needed to hear. Playing a part. Not that he was paying attention to what she would have told him, but she could tell Chase.

Elizabeth tells Mike, she’ll visit soon, and hopes today gets better. Mike says, he’s so tired, and she says she’s sure. It’s okay. Close his eyes, and rest. Sonny thanks her for visiting, and she says, of course (🍷). She tells him, think about what she said, and he says he will. They hug, and she leaves. Mike sleeps.

Diane says, all is not lost, and Sam says, it’s not? Diane says, not that she’s ever a fan of perjury, but as long as no one knows, and they were discreet… Alexis says, Britt knows. She saw them at the hotel; she was there the same night. Diane asks how it came up, and Alexis says the night she had the drink, she was trying to reach someone for a ride, and called Julian. He thought she drank because of Neil, and his snitch of a girlfriend told him that she and Neil slept together. Then Julian took it upon himself to attack Neil at the hospital, screaming at the top of his lungs that they’d slept together. Diane says, it gets better, and Alexis says, it’s out. Diane asks if Neil has heard from the medical review board, but Alexis says, not that she knows of. Diane says, hopefully, it will just go away, but she’s asking Alexis, please, go to a meeting and work on her sobriety. She thinks it’s going to be a bumpy night ahead. Alexis says, good idea, and Sam says she’ll drive. Alexis thanks Diane for being her good friend. Diane says, her pleasure, but let’s not ever do this again.

Michael says, he was so fixated on Wiley’s medical crisis. Willow says he doesn’t know the half of it. She didn’t tell him, she was so crazed went charging to Nina’s office, asking her to run an article in Crimson about how toxic Nelle is. She thinks Chase and Sasha are genuinely trying to be supportive, but Michael says, that’s got nothing to do with where Sasha and Chase were. Willow says, Chase isn’t grieving a child, like she is, and Sasha isn’t an overnight parent, like Michael. They’re onlookers, and the only people they could turn to were each other. Michael says, he can see it. They felt hurt, mad, frustrated, and one or both of them had too many drinks. Willow is sure once it started, it was something between them that they shared, that she and Michael couldn’t understand. He says, there are a million better ways to handle it than they did. He tells Willow, come on, and she asks where they’re going. He says she can’t go back to Chase. He’ll arrange a room at the MetroCourt. She says she should say no, and Michael says, they can’t be the friends who say what the other should hear. They’re not like Chase and Sasha. They say what they mean. She thanks him, and they leave.

Sasha tells Chase, she doesn’t think she realized how much she loved Michael until now. She was happy and things were great, but now that it’s over, he means more to her than she realized. Chase asks if she regrets it, but she says, no. She’s going to miss him though. Chase says she didn’t understand how much she loved Michael until now, but he knew how much he loved Willow all along. Sasha asks, which is worse? and he says he honestly doesn’t know.

Nina waits at the MetroCourt, and Willow approaches. She asks if Willow is okay, and Willow says she is, but Nina asks if she’s sure. Willow says she doesn’t know if Nina remembers, but when Willow asked about publishing an article about Nelle, Nina pointed out something. That it wasn’t her place to arrange Michael’s defense; she’s too close. The custody fight isn’t hers. Nina was right. Just not in the way she thought.

The doorknob on Chase’s apartment jiggles, and Michael tells Chase, open the door. Chase asks if Sasha is ready for this, and she says, no. He lets Michael in, and Michael sees Sasha. He says, wow. He didn’t think she’d still be there. He thought he’d talk to Chase, but now he can kill two birds with one stone. Just one question. Chase says, just one? and Michael says he’ll start with this one. How long this been going on?

Nelle looks through the files on Nelle’s desk, and moves the necklace out of the way. She finds the papers she wants, and leaves with it, not noticing what’s in the jewelry box.

Mike looks at Sonny, and Sonny asks how he’s feeling. He didn’t eat yesterday, so Sonny had something sent over, a surprise. Olivia’s manicotti. He tells Mike to smell it, and Mike closes his eyes, and sniffs. Sonny says, smells amazing, right? Don’t tell Olivia, but he thinks it’s almost as good as his. Mike says, almost. Sonny asks if he’ll have a bite to eat. Just one bite; nothing crazy.

Sonny opens the manicotti, and says it reminds him of the old neighborhood. Mike will love it. He holds out a spoonful, but Mike doesn’t respond. Sonny says, he’s got to eat. Please. Mike looks at him, and sniffs it. He says, smells like home, and Sonny says, it does smell like home. Here you go. He puts the spoon in Mike’s mouth.

Nina asks Willow how she’s right, and Willow says, never mind. She shouldn’t be talking about this. She’s so all over the place. Nina says her track record with Willow isn’t great, and she’s not trying to pry, but clearly something is bothering her. So if there’s anything Nina can do, even just listen. Does Willow want her to call Chase? Willow says, Chase is the last person she should call. Nina asks, why? and Willow says, because she just found out Chase and Sasha are having an affair. Nelle overhears.

Sasha tells Michael, she and Chase ran into each other at The Floating Rib when Michael was meeting Diane, and decided to grab a drink. Michael says he has a feeling they grabbed more than that, and she says they were feeling shut out and commiserating. They didn’t want to hurt Michael or Willow, but didn’t know how to tell them. Michael says he’s sorry he didn’t pick up on the cues. Sasha says it was wrong, but she can’t stand watching him hate her. She leaves, and Chase says, however bad they screwed up, it’s not that they didn’t care. Michael says, that’s for them to deal with, but how the hell could he do that to Willow? He’s heartbroken, and it kills him that Sasha would do that to him; that Chase would do that. But he’ll survive. He’s been through worse, but Willow is different. She believed in Chase as much as anyone could believe in someone. She trusted him with her heart, and deserves better. He destroyed something precious. He says he knows he contributed too. He leaned too hard and too often on Willow, but he’d never treat her the way Chase did, and he’s going to make damn sure it never happens again. He pushes Chase, and walks out. When he’s gone, Chase cries.

Tomorrow, Alexis asks Neil what’s next for them, Jordan has a good idea what Cyrus is planning, Laura tells Cyrus that she’s done all her homework on him, and Sonny asks Carly if she wants him to just let his father die.

🤽🏼‍♂️ About Summer House – I know, I know. I always only give one comment about this show, that the people are still awful. BTW, they still are. The guys are sleazeballs, and the girls are idiots. It’s not that I forget how awful they are, and watch it again, as I’ve done with other shows, like any incarnation of Jersey Shore, or Real World in its later years. A span of time would go by, and I’d forget why I stopped watching. Then I’d watch again, remember why I stopped watching, and stop watching again. This is different though. I guess I have some kind of horrible fascination with this show. Or maybe I want to be sure if I ever need an investment banker, or whatever it is they do, it isn’t one of them. Although they seem interchangeable. There’s a Kyle and Carl, which doesn’t help, and Kyle – at least I think it’s Kyle – has a doppelganger this season. Are they brothers? I don’t pay enough attention to know. I also constantly wonder, how is it at their age (mostly mid-30s), they’re still summering together in the Hamptons, and acting like it’s Delta house? Is this some weird latent extension of college life? What is this?

💎 Still on the fence about giving The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills my full attention. I’ll never forgive them for driving LVP away, but I can’t wait for Brandi to screw her friend (literally and figuratively) over. Sadly, it has to be Denise, who I’ve loved since It’s Complicated. I wasn’t pleased with her minor involvement with taking LVP down, last season, but she seems like a decent person. I was also disappointed that she had a friendship with Brandi, but there you go. That went well. I wouldn’t trust that one as far as I could throw the amount of fillers pumped into her face.

Dorit has a new house; 9,000 square feet. We found out it was only in her name, which she seemed to think was common. I assume they’re talking about the mortgage, not the deed, which probably means they used only her credit score, alluding to PK’s bankruptcy. There was a lot of blah-blah-blah lawsuit, and an interviewer trying to ask her questions about it at an event. In an odd change of format, during interviews, we heard the producers asking the questions. While they do that once in a while, we don’t normally hear that side of the script. Maybe they’re trying to put a new spin on it? Garcelle also got a new house, a measly 3200 square feet. We got a little background on Garcelle, who’d thought ex-husband Mike was her last stop. Instead, she found out he’d been having an affair for the past five years.

LisaR’s Amelia was in NYC going to the New School, but having panic attacks and anxiety. She’d posted on Instagram about having a fear of growing up. Teddi said she’d reached out to Amelia, but maybe LisaR’s kids shouldn’t be so open on their social media. Truth! Teddi also invited the women on a retreat, a day and a half of health and fitness fun. In her usual way of begging for people to come, she kept saying she didn’t give a flying if they came or not. Erika said it was a disaster waiting to happen, and I tend to agree. In her interviews, Erika talked about Tom being older, and said she was tired of justifying her twenty-year marriage. She also got her Actor’s Equity contract to play Roxie Hart in Chicago on Broadway. There were some tender moments between her and Tom, and it’s clear she really loves and is thankful for him. She said, the same girl who worked at Shakers was now on Broadway, and actually seemed like a human being in this episode.

Kyle had dinner with Sutton, who I’m not sure about. She told Kyle that she felt like Rumpelstiltskin because she’d just woken up, mixing up her fairytales or legends or whatever, since that’s Rip van Winkle. I guess she never watched Once Upon a Time either. Charlie Sheen filed papers with the court, saying he didn’t want to pay Denise child support, even though he hadn’t paid in forever, and she’d never said a word. Denise also had some serious surgery. A hernia that turned into four hernias, and a six-hour operation, instead of the one and a half she’d been told. She figured the injury was most likely from lifting her special needs child, but she came through fine, albeit in pain. LisaR’s advice: take the pills. Sutton also opened her own boutique, something she’d wanted to do for a long time. The women were in attendance, except for Denise, who was still recovering. In Sutton’s interview, she said she didn’t need to make money, but thought it would be cool if she did. The mayor of WeHo made a speech, and Sutton griped to him about her parking tickets. Because, why not? Teddi carried on about how their coming to the retreat wouldn’t affect her, and I thought it would serve her right if none of them showed up.

Next time, Teddi tries to be chill, and people are following Aaron and Denise

🐪 You Are Here…

How long has it been now? A year? Two? What do you mean, it’s more like a month? You’ve made it this far, you’ll get there. This isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, or some athletic metaphor. In the meantime, stay safe, stay home, and stay out of trouble, whatever that means to you.

April 21, 2020 – Jason Cancels the Meeting, the Witches Launch a Potion, Alex’s Secret Is Out & Queen Prophecy


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Well, I was here on time, but ABC wasn’t. The governor was talking, and the finally showed an alternate channel. Once again, I scramble for the remote. I didn’t miss much. The main thing is Willow walking in on Sasha and Chase. Sasha has apparently jetted to the bedroom while Willow confronts her boyfriend. Cyrus has also come into Charlie’s.

At the Metro Court, Lulu tells Laura, Charlotte doesn’t see Valentin for who he is or what he does.

Valentin asks Charlotte if she knows what exaggeration is. She says, it’s kind of a lie, and Valentin says he doesn’t care for Ava, but it would be an exaggeration to say she was his enemy. She says it’s not what he said; it’s what he did.

Josslyn walks into the hospital, and Michael asks what she’s doing there. She says, Tony brought her after volleyball practice. She heard Wiley has to stay another night, so she brought Michael a snack that’s healthy and nutritious. She hands him a smoothie, and says, it’s blueberries with a protein boost. He asks if she’s sure; she likes to add things like seaweed. She swears it’s just fresh fruit and almond milk, and he says he’s trusting her. He takes a sip, and says, it’s good. She says she’s also there to show her support, and asks if he’s nervous about the custody hearing. He asks if she wants the truth, and she says, no, cover for her, like he did when she was little. He says he feels like he made a big mistake. He pushed Diane for an early hearing date. Now he wishes he’d put it off as long as possible.

Chase tells Willow, no one was supposed to get hurt. She doesn’t know what to say, and he says, sorry. Does she think he wanted that to happen? She asks why it did, and he says it was supposed to be them in love. None of this was supposed to happen. She asks how it did then. How did it go from two people so in love? He says it was two people in love, and then it was him in love with her, and her totally focused on Wiley.

Michael says he’s freaked out, and Josslyn says, Wiley just had surgery, but he says he’s still freaked out. Josslyn says it was terrifying, but Wiley got through it fine. Michael says that’s because their mom forged Nelle’s signature, and locked Nelle on the roof. She says, go, mom, and he asks if she would have done the same. She says, of course (🍷). Wiley needed the surgery to be more comfortable, and to improve his quality of life. The doctors also got a more accurate picture of his prognosis. A night on the roof is kinder than Nelle deserves. He asks if it ever scares Josslyn how much she’s like their mom, and she says he’s scarier than the both of them put together. She and Carly react in the moment, and think on their feet. They take big, and seemingly stupid, chances; sometimes they pay off, sometimes they don’t. They’re improvisors, but he thinks in advance. He convinces people that he’s a pushover, while he finds their weak spots, and plans a strategy. He says, what good is a strategy if he can’t follow it? and she asks what strategy he’s talking about.

Carly tells Jason, he needs to make the meeting, but Jason says Sonny wants him there. She says the place is like a fortress. Him being there won’t make a difference, and Sonny can’t think straight right now. He says, all the more reason to do what Sonny wants.

Cyrus tells Julian, Charlie’s is a quaint place; it has personality and charm. Julian says the previous owner had no sense of character, and Cyrus says he heard Charlie was a character himself; a bit of a player. Julian says he wouldn’t know, and Cyrus is surprised. He was under the impression that Charlie and Julian were in the same business. Julian’s reputation precedes him. Julian says, as does Cyrus’s. He’s heard a lot about Cyrus. Cyrus says, then Julian knows he was exonerated. Julian says he read the evidence was fabricated, but he didn’t read the word exoneration. Cyrus says, fake news, and Julian says he’s sure Cyrus is well aware he was in the media game. Fake news is a very specific thing, not just a story where the facts aren’t straight, and it’s not a lie. It’s disinformation created to cause outrage and skew public opinion. Is Cyrus saying he’s the target of a smear campaign? Cyrus says, it’s quite a burden to carry the weight of falsehood brought about by another. Julian says he knows all about that.

Laura says she thought Lulu was going to have an open mind when she encouraged Valentin to visit. Lulu says she already regrets it. She can’t ask Valentin to leave or Charlotte will be upset. Laura says Lulu has to practice tolerance, but Lulu says, it has its limits. She gave Maxie her blessing about working at Deception, but Maxie would have convinced herself it would work out even if Valentin threatened to bring back poodle skirts. I fail to see how that’s a bad thing, but okay. Laura says, Valentin is part of Maxie’s life and Lulu has accepted it. Does she think she can do the same thing with Charlotte?

Valentin asks what Charlotte thinks he did, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. He says she obviously thinks he did a bad thing, and she says she saw him. He says, saw him what? and she says she saw what he did to Ava. She saw him push Ava off the roof.

Laura asks Lulu to discuss the situation. The arrangement they have is working for Charlotte. Lulu says, it’s not working for her. Valentin shot Nikolas. He survived, but it was no thanks to Valentin. Valentin is a liar and a manipulator, and spoils Charlotte rotten. He indulges Charlotte’s worse impulses. She doesn’t understand why Laura is advocating for him. Laura says, she’s not, and Lulu knows it. Lulu asks what she calls it then, and Laura says she’d call it advocating for Charlotte.

Valentin doesn’t know what Charlotte thought she saw, but she’s mistaken. She tells him, don’t lie to her. She came outside to show her mommy the moon, and saw Ava. She saw him grab Ava’s arm. Ava backed up, he pushed her, and she fell. Valentin asks why she didn’t say something before, and she says she didn’t want him to worry. She didn’t want to let it get in the way of his happily ever after. They deserve to be together. She, Valentin, and Nina deserve to be a family.

Willow asks Chase how this is about Wiley. When they thought Willow was pregnant, they talked about what they would mean, and he said he’d support her. She thought they were on the same page. He says, practically every waking moment, she’s consumed with one baby thing or another. She can’t let it go. She got on the train, the train left the station, and she didn’t even realize he got left behind.

Carly tells Jason that he has to meet with Cyrus, but he tells her, Sonny said wait, so he’s going to. Carly says, it’s obviously an important meeting, but Sonny thinks Mike is more important. Sonny is grieving Mike, and navigating a difficult situation. He doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle Cyrus on top of it. It’s up to Jason

Cyrus says he sorry he and Julian didn’t meet until now, and Julian says, prison is a bitch on your social life. Cyrus laughs, and says he’s out now. They should get to know each other. Maybe it’s an opportunity for collaboration. Julian says he’s got his hands full with Charlie’s, and Cyrus suggests a fellowship then. He could use Julian as a guide in Port Charles, and learn the ins and outs. Julian says he bets Sonny could give Cyrus a crash course. Cyrus laughs again. His phone rings. It’s Jason, who says, the meeting is off.

At Turning Woods, Brook tells Sonny, she brought meatballs, but Mike isn’t doing well. Sonny says, Mike had a seizure. He hasn’t spoken to the doctor yet, but he wants to see Mike. He looks in, and Mike is lying in bed, half-sleeping. The doctor comes by, and Sonny says he was told on the phone, it was a seizure, but are they sure it wasn’t a fall? Maybe Mike tried get up. The doctor says, Mike was seated. It was movie night, and Mike was watching the film. He was seated when it happened. An aide witnessed the episode, and his accounting lines up with a seizure. Sonny asks how bad it is, and the doctor says, Mike was knocked around, but there’s no permanent damage. Sonny says Mike never had a seizure before, and has no history of them, but the doctor says it’s a neurological effect that’s linked with late stage Alzheimer’s. Sonny asks what the tests say, and the doctor says they haven’t done any. Sonny wonders what they’re waiting for, and the doctor says, it might be difficult. Sonny says, it’s just a scan, but the doctor says there’s prep, and the machinery might be off-putting to Mike. Sonny asks if he’s saying it’s too much trouble, and Brook says, he’s saying the test might upset Mike. The doctor says they can treat the symptoms, but identification might not improve Mike’s quality of life. Sonny says, the life Mike has left, and Brook says she doesn’t think that’s what he meant. Sonny wants to see Mike for himself.

Sonny goes into Mike’s room, where a machine monitors his vitals. Sonny says, it’s him. Mike is going to be okay. Sonny is here, and he’s not going anywhere.

Cyrus says, how disappointing. He was looking forward to breaking bread with Sonny. He’s gone to so much trouble to set up the meeting. Jason says, plans change, and Cyrus says Jason isn’t suggesting their gathering lacks importance. It’s coming across as more than disrespectful. Jason says he’s just the messenger. The meeting is off. Cyrus says, tell Sonny he doesn’t appreciate… Hello? Julian asks if Cyrus would like something stronger.

Carly says Jason just hung up on Sonny’s rival. That could start a war. Jason says, he wouldn’t stop talking. Carly says there’s a better way to handle it, and he knows it. She walks out of the kitchen.

Lulu asks Laura why she’s even considering the idea that Valentin is worthy of a place in Charlotte’s life. Laura says, it’s not about worthiness. It’s a statement of fact that Valentin is Charlotte’s father, and was her sole parent for her first five years. There’s no way he can be ripped away without causing major emotional damage. Lulu says, because Charlotte loves him, and Laura says, yes. Lulu says, dogs love chocolate, but eating it kills them, which is just a bad example. Laura says, compromise is the right way to go, and Lulu asks why she should compromise with Valentin. Laura says, for starters, it looks like he’s changed for the better since he found out he’s Helena’s son. Lulu doesn’t know how to react. Now Valentin is a different kind of evil? Laura asks if she has to remind Lulu that she held a gun on Valentin, and Lulu says she wishes she was talking to that version of her mother. Laura says, she absolutely is. Valentin appears to have changed for the better. Lulu says, the bar for the most improved Cassadine is set really low, and Laura suggests Lulu take a look at her daughter. She’s been separated from her father for a month, but shows no signs of acclimating. Lulu is sorry if Charlotte doesn’t like it, but if keeping her from Valentin lessens the chance of Charlotte being kidnapped, what is she going to do? Laura asks what Lulu is going to do when Charlotte gets older and resents her, or worse? Lulu says she’d rather that than Charlotte not grow up at all.

Valentin tells Charlotte, he lost his temper, and did a terrible thing he never should have done. Charlotte says, Ava is mean and on Nikolas’s side, but Valentin says that doesn’t excuse what he did. She says, it does to her. Ava just got wet. You don’t die in the harbor in winter. Charlotte didn’t. Valentin says Charlotte should never have been involved; he’s sorry. She says, it’s not his fault. It’s Nikolas and Ava’s fault, and Sasha’s for lying, and mommy too. Lulu doesn’t like him, and didn’t want him happy with Nina. He’s going to fix it, right? He’s going to find a way to get Windymere back, and make Nina love him. Then they’ll have their happily ever after.

Michael tells Josslyn, Diane thinks he’d have a better chance for full custody if he was married to the right person. She asks if Diane has someone specific in mind, and he says, Willow. Josslyn can see that. Willow is great with Wiley. She’s generous and kind, and not fake like Nelle. And she’s beautiful. Not that it’s a major consideration, but it helps. Michael agrees, and Josslyn says, plus she already loves Wiley. Michael doubts Willow would care Wiley isn’t her biological son, and Josslyn says Avery isn’t their mom’s biological child, but Carly doesn’t love her any less. He’s not Sonny’s biological son, but it doesn’t make a difference. Michael says she’s right. Willow loves Wiley as much as when she thought he was her own. Josslyn asks, then what’s the problem?

Willow says, if Chase thought they wanted different things, he should have said so. He says he wasn’t going to ask her to stop loving Wiley or looking out for him. He just wanted a middle ground; some distance. But she couldn’t do it. She says, so instead of being honest, he had sex with Sasha? He says, actually it turns out they have a lot in common. They’re both on the sidelines of other people’s grief. She says she’s sorry her and Michael’s grief is inconvenient for them, and he says she just proved his point. Nothing they do is good enough; they’re always on the outside. It’s painfully obvious. She says, so he was going to keep cheating indefinitely? He asks what good it would have done to tell her. It just would have hurt her. She says it would have given them a fighting chance. In telling her right away, she would have been hurt and angry, but she would have understood. They could have chalked it up to a mistake, and fought through it, but he didn’t give them a shot. Now, it’s too late. He says she’s right. Maybe he should have done it differently, but he didn’t. Willow says, now, it’s over. Never in a million years did she think this could happen; that he’d do this. When he said he loved her, she thought he meant forever. He says he thought so too, and she guesses she didn’t know him at all. She takes her bag, and walks out. She cries in the hallway. Sasha quietly comes out of the bedroom. Chase smashes a glass against the wall, and says, dammit!

Lulu says she doesn’t know what sob story Valentin gave Laura, but it must have been a doozy. Laura says, give her some credit. Does Lulu think she can’t recognize a crisis of conscience, especially when Valentin comes crawling to her for help? She thinks that says something significant. Lulu thinks it says he’s desperate and on the run; willing to say anything to keep Charlotte in his life. His words don’t cut it. Valentin approaches them with Charlotte, and thanks Lulu for the visit. He asks if he can borrow Laura for a second. They walk into the hallway, and Lulu asks how Charlotte’s chat with her dad went. Charlotte says she thinks her papa is mad at her.

Laura tells Valentin, make it fast. Their little chats aren’t going over well with Lulu.

Mike wakes up, and Sonny asks how he’s feeling. He’s back in his room. He had some trouble on movie night, but everything is okay. Mike struggles, and Sonny tells him not to move. He asks if Mike wants to go for a walk, and get some fresh air. Mike tries to get up again, and Sonny deduces Mike has to go to the bathroom, and helps him out of bed, saying he’ll get a wheelchair. Brook asks if everything is okay, and Sonny asks her to get a nurse to help him to the chair.

Carly brings Donna into the kitchen. She says Donna is like her mother. She’s concluded Uncle Jason won’t listen to reason. Jason takes the baby, and says her mom just wants things done her way. Carly says, what Donna needs to understand, is that her Uncle Jason never listens to her about business, even though she’s right more than she’s not. Jason says her mom just wants to keep everybody safe. It’s all he wants too. They just disagree on how to make that happen.

Josslyn says if Michael and Willow both love Wiley – which they do – and getting married will keep Wiley safe from Nelle – which it will – why not go for it? Michael says he’s in love with Sasha for starters. Josslyn says, Sasha is totally cool. If he tells her, Josslyn is sure she’d be on board. He says he has and she is, but Willow isn’t. She’s in love with Chase, and he can’t ask her to end things to be with him indefinitely. She says, why doesn’t he ask Willow, and let her decide, but Michael says, it’s not fair to make her choose between helping Wiley and staying with the man she loves. He can’t do that to her.

Sasha asks Chase, what have we done?

Valentin says Laura despises him, and she says, for the most part. He says, nevertheless, she sticks by Charlotte, and knows what Charlotte needs. Laura hopes so, and he says she’s a good person. Charlotte needs her to learn right from wrong; she’s a steadying force. Laura says she’s tried to provide that all along. He tells her, what he’s trying to say is that Charlotte needs her to teach her to good. Clearly, he can’t do that.

Lulu tells Charlotte, whatever is going on, she’s sure Charlotte’s papa could never be mad at her. Charlotte says she doesn’t mean that, and Lulu says, of course (🍷) she does. Charlottes says, Lulu is always saying, tell the truth, but she doesn’t. She pretends to like Valentin, and when she thinks Charlotte can’t hear, she says how bad he is.

Julian gives Cyrus a drink on the house. Cyrus says, much obliged. Now that his evening has been freed up, and it appears to be between dinner and the late night rush, they should take the opportunity to become better acquainted.

Jason tells Donna, her mom is the smartest person he knows. Carly says he doesn’t mean that, but he says he does. He tells Donna, she has great instincts, and she’s ready to fight for the people she loves, but sometimes she doesn’t stop to think things through. If he ignores what her dad wants, and goes behind his back, it could be tougher for her dad, since he’s dealing with so much. He wants to give her dad what he needs, and knows that’s what her mom wants too.

Sonny thanks Brook for the assist, and she says, anything for her two best guys. Sonny asks if Mike heard that, but Brook tells Mike, save his voice for their duet. She thinks they should close the Nurses Ball. Sonny brings a cup of water to Mike’s lips. Mike sips it, and coughs. Sonny wipes Mike’s mouth, and tells Brook, it’s late. She should probably go. She says she has nowhere to be, and she’s happy to keep them company, but Sonny says he’s about to head out, and his dad is tired. Mike asks Sonny, is it over?

Lulu tells Charlotte, she and Charlotte’s dad disagree on a lot of things, but they both love her so much. Charlotte says she’s doing it again; pretending she likes him. Don’t pretend things are okay when they’re not. Pretending doesn’t help. It makes everything worse.

Laura says she never heard Valentin call his parenting skills into question. He says he doesn’t want to overthink it. Just promise she’ll take care of his daughter; instill in her conscience, generosity, and kindness. Will she do that? Laura says, of course (🍷) she will, and Valentin tells her, what he’s saying is, if Lulu decides to go ahead and petition the court for full custody, he’s not contesting it. Take care. He walks away, and Laura stands there with her mouth open.

Sonny tells Mike, he doesn’t understand, and Mike repeats, is it over? Sonny asks, is what over? The movie? Mike says, he means this whole thing, and Sonny says, the movie ended. He’s going to find out what movie it was, and have a private screening; just them. He’ll be right back. He sees Brook in the hallway, and says his dad gets like that. He kind of rolls with it. Brook says, Sonny doesn’t think Mike was talking about anything specific? Sonny says, no. He was just wondering… what movie it was.

Jason gives Donna back to Carly, who tells Donna to feel privileged. Jason doesn’t talk to anyone, and he was talking up a storm. He says he talks tell her, and she says, something else about her Uncle Jason. He’s not much of a talker, but he’s an incredible listener. He’s patient, and doesn’t judge. He’s incredibly loyal, and even when they disagree, and she doesn’t take his advice and does the opposite, when it blows up in her face, he always stands by her side. He’ll stand by Donna’s too. She knows Donna is going to be a perfect angel, and never break the rules or be defiant. Carly knows Donna would never do anything wrong, but in case she does, her Uncle Jason will always have her back. Jason says, like her mom has his.

Josslyn tells Michael, Wiley is so cute, how he falls asleep pulling his ear. He says she did the same thing; he looks like her. She says, it’s so weird. No one noticed the family resemblance; now you can’t miss it. He says they saw what they expected to see. That’s the worst thing about the custody hearing; the judge seeing what he expects. A poor mother separated from her child who deserves another chance. Josslyn says, he’ll see the facts too. Nelle’s file will be the first thing he sees, and there will be no contest. She pleaded guilty to murdering her fiancé. He says he has Claudia, but she says there was an infant involved, and he changed his life. Nelle didn’t. She tried to kill Michael the night Wiley was born, and that was only a year and a half ago. The facts are the facts, and they say he’s a way better parent. He says, maybe Diane should consult with her. She still thinks him marrying Willow would make a stronger case, but she wants Chase. She tells him not to waste his time wishing things were different. The way things are, are totally on his side. When it comes to the actual testimony, he’ll blow Nelle out of the water. Nelle is fake, and Willow is real, but he’s real too. He loves Wiley and wants what’s best for him, and that honesty rolls off him in waves. Him, plus the facts, are all the judge needs to make a right decision. He says, maybe she’s right. Maybe he didn’t need to drag Willow in to it after all.

Chase picks up the bottle, and tells Sasha, he got this from wine guy. He and Willow were supposed to have it tonight. They were doing this thing where they were learning and exploring different types of wine. He pours them both a glass, and says, now that that’s over, how about toast? She asks, to what? and he says, to hopefully, this all being worth it.

Tomorrow, Diane admits she set Alexis up, Willow tells Michael that Chase and Sasha are having an affair, and Sonny has the feeling Elizabeth has something specific in mind.

Vanderpump Rules

Bartending educator Cole gives SUR’s newer staff a lesson. In Dayna’s interview, she says, bartenders make more money than servers. Her mom was a bartender for thirty years, and she learned how to make a dirty martini when she was eight. It’s in her blood. Brett tells her that Max hooked up with a cocktail waitress at Lisa’s restaurant in Vegas. In her interview, Dayna says she thought absence made the heart grow fonder, but in Max’s case, it makes his d*ck grow harder.

Stassi combs her hair extensions. Beau puts on bangs, and says he’s Sia. Schwartz and Katie come by. Schwartz says he wouldn’t change one moment in Vegas, but Katie says she’d change one. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, they’re married. The paperwork was registered… In Katie’s interview, she says, there’s no proof. Schwartz says, you’d think after the first time, he’d have held onto the document, but he lost it again. Stassi says she’s done waiting for Beau’s ass to take the next step, so she’s going on her own to her GYN appointment. She wants to make sure everything is working. Katie asks if they’re trying to make a baby, and Stassi says they’re not not trying. In her interview, Stassi says she knows ten years from now, she and Beau will be married and have children. Going to an all-girls Catholic school made her realize the way she doesn’t want to live. No sex before marriage, and definitely not a baby. She wants to take the next step, whenever it is. Katie thought they had the perfect crew in Vegas. No slight to Kristen… Stassi says, she didn’t have to worry about Kristen overstepping boundaries. Kristen was pissed because Beau said Stassi was his number one priority. It triggers her from when Kristen hooked up with Jax. She lied for a long time. Beau says he’s still friends with her, but as a group, his priority is going to be Stassi. In Beau’s interview, he says he doesn’t want Stassi to be upset or uncomfortable. He wishes they could work things out. Schwartz says, unfortunately, they have a wine event tomorrow, and Katie says, the whole situation is unfortunate. Stassi no longer wants to do the wine business. Stassi says her heart hasn’t been in it for a while. In Stassi’s interview, she says they’re throwing a Witches of WeHo party to launch their Potion No. 2. If they were Destiney’s Child, she’s Beyonce, and she’s ready to leave. Katie says, it should be fine. Kristen picked up all the decorations; the banners, the cauldrons, and dry ice. It’s going to be fun; witchy pretty.

Kristen gets everything together. She says she’s proud of the brand they built. She did it with Katie and Stassi, from the ground up. But now, it’s all on her.

Dayna and Brett go to work. Puffy! Lisa comes in, and Peter grills Brett on mojitos. Lisa orders one goat cheese ball, since she’s going out to dinner. Peter gets it for her, but when he brings it over, she says, when she said one, she meant three. They must be amazing. I know Stassi is addicted to them. Scheana sits with Lisa, and Lisa asks if she doesn’t have any tables waiting. Scheana says she just clocked in, and wanted to speak to Lisa before she got tables. In other words, she wanted to be paid for the time it took to talk to Lisa. She tells Lisa that she had her egg retrieval surgery, and got seven. Lisa says, so she’s waiting for the right guy or time. Peter is a faithful old dog. Scheana says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. She’s having too much fun being single. Lisa thinks Scheana wants a relationship more than anything. Sometimes Lisa feels like they don’t get the true story with Scheana. In Scheana’s interview, she says, for a while, she said it didn’t bother her if a relationship ended; it only led to the next one. But at the end of the day, all of them hurt her, and screwed with her head and heart. Lisa asks, about Max… and Scheana says, he hooked up with baby Scheana over the weekend. She knows he has a type. Lisa says the only thing that matters is if Scheana feels hurt, but Scheana says the only way Max could hurt her would be by not being a good friend. He and Brett didn’t check on her after her surgery. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Scheana needs to know, you can’t expect that level of thoughtfulness from men who aren’t your husband, and you can’t expect that level of thoughtfulness from a man who is your husband. Peter suggests Scheana get to work, and Scheana says Lisa was trying to give her Peter’s sperm. Lisa says they’ve been floating around SUR for ten years.

Scheana visits Dayna, who says she has a new houseguest. We see a fish in a plastic container, and she says, it’s not going well. Maybe put it in a tank? Scheana shows Dayna her knee injury, and in Scheana’s interview she says she was enjoying her Sunday, and a guy came full speed into her on a scooter. She tells Dayna that she’s not supposed to be active for a while, and can’t go to Nightingale. She asks about Dayna’s birthday, and Dayna says, it was great. She had a moment about her mom. She put on Beatles records, and cried in the kitchen, then ate mac and cheese and hotdogs. Scheana says she hired a psychic as a birthday present for Dayna. She’d connected Scheana with her grandmother, and Scheana thought Dayna could connect with her mother. Dayna says, that’s a lot to spring on her. Scheana hasn’t lost a parent. Dayna tears up, and Scheana says, her mom has lost a parent, like that’s the same thing. In her interview, Scheana says she’s a gift giver. It’s her favorite part of Christmas. She wanted to bring Dayna a minute of happiness, and thought she could hear that her mom is proud of her. Scheana says her psychic can do it today, and Dayna says, is she here now? Scheana says, no. She just texted, and Scheana said she’d have to talk to Dayna first. Dayna says she’s sorry, but she can’t do it. In Dayna’s interview, she says she believes in psychics and communicating with the dead, but her mother’s death was the most traumatic thing in her life, and she’d want good energy and to be open to it. Scheana is a friend, but Dayna isn’t sharing intimate moments with her. Scheana dashes outside to tell psychic Shauna, it was too heavy of a surprise. Dayna wasn’t expecting it. Dayna hears them talking, and looks out. Shauna says Dayna can always call. Dayna goes downstairs, and calls Scheana over. She says it seems like Scheana was trying to spring this on her, but Scheana, who can never help but dig a hole deeper, says she just wanted Shauna to be available in case Dayna wanted to do it. Dayna asks if Shauna was supposed to be there; Scheana didn’t tell her Shauna was waiting. In her interview, Dayna says a good psychic could figure out the address, and what time. Scheana says maybe she should have talked to Dayna first. She leaves, and Dayna shakes her head.

Beau goes to Villa Rosa. Giggy! Puffy! He tells Lisa, he’s a wreck inside. He wants everything to be perfect. She asks what part of proposing in a graveyard wouldn’t be perfect? She’s offered him the patio for a light dinner afterwards, and champagne. In his interview, he says, have you seen this place? It’s friggin’ awesome. He’s going to surprise Stassi with the engagement, then surprise her with Lisa’s house. The others will be there too. Lisa says Stassi is going to be so excited and happy. Beau caught her at a good time in her life.

We join Stassi at her GYN appointment. Everything is normal. In her interview, she says she was never so happy to be called normal. She tells the doctor that he’s making pregnancy fun.

Lisa asks if Beau’s not inviting Kristen, but he doesn’t know. Lisa says naturally, the inclination is to not have her there, but she’s been an integral part of Stassi’s development. We flash back to the earlier years, and Lisa says they don’t want to look back and regret that she wasn’t there in a moment that can’t be recreated. Beau says he’ll see how the vibe is, and Lisa says, it’s a long table.

James, Raquel, Brett, Dayna, and Charli go to a club. In Charli’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to date Brett. He seems like he’d cry after sex, and get emotional. Brett asks James how it is being at the club sober. James says, it’s a different experience, since he’s been there before. Brett asks if it’s hard not drinking, but James says it’s making him stronger. In James’s interview, he says he would drink to reach an impossible destination. He asks Brett what’s happening with Dayna. Brett says, she’s a cool-ass girl, and James says they have great chemistry. In Brett’s interview, he says, it’s no secret he’s into Dayna. Now that Max was sinning in Sin City, there’s only one thing standing in the way. He has no idea why Danica wants to sabotage his situation. Usually, he’s the guy people want to set up with a friend because he’s a good guy. He asks to talk to Danica, and they step outside the crowd. He says she’s been talking to Dayna, telling her sh*t. She wonders why he’d be interested in hooking up with someone who’s hooked up with his friend. In Brett’s interview, he says, where he comes from, this is okay. A producer asks where he’s from, and he says, Jersey. I’m not sure what the big deal is. She’s not dating both of them at the same time. It’s like how on Below Deck Sailing Yacht, Adam is jealous because Jenna dated the same guy one of the other girls had dated a million years ago. It’s silly. Dayna joins them, and tells them about Scheana hiring the psychic, and how Scheana said she wasn’t there, but she was. Danica says, Scheana says one thing, but does another. She’s so worried about coming off a certain way. In her interview, Dayna says, Scheana lies all the time. She’s not honest. That’s how Brett felt about her too. She tells Danica, if you’re worried how the truth makes you look, you’re lying. Scheana makes people not like her. Brett asks if they can stop talking about her.

Lala and James meet at the studio, where music producer Sean2 is waiting. James is excited, and they make some new music. James says, it’s so Kanye. They take a break, and Lala says James sounds better. He says he’s made more music in the last month, than in the last six months. She says he seems happy, and he says he’s living his life. He realizes drinking was holding him back. She says she likes the way he’s talking. Now that he’s involved in a program – welcome. All the people in the room are inspiring, and that’s why she goes there. She tells him about waking up from a nightmare where she’d been drinking again. She started sweating, then realized it wasn’t real. James identifies, and says it’s trippy. He woke up from a dream feeling hungover. Lala says she never wants to feel like she’s living in the past, where things were said. She wants to move on. He says that’s cool of her. In his interview, James says, it was word vomit. He said things to hurt people feelings because  he was drunk. We flash back to some of that. Lala says she’s going to Farmhouse for the Witches of WeHo party. She can’t cut the tie between them, and wants to see James do well. They give each other a double high-five.

Brett demonstrates his bartending skills, and Dayna says it tastes delicious. Out back, Scheana messes with her phone. Dayna joins her, and asks how she is. She apologizes, saying she knew Scheana was going through sh*t, and Scheana says, it’s not fair. She’s ignored by good friends, people who don’t give her the same consideration. She’s over it. She had surgery, and no one cared. She’s putting effort into friendships where it’s not being reciprocated. In her interview, she says she feels taken for granted, and it’s frustrating. She puts effort into a friendship to the point where it’s embarrassing. She asks if Dayna is still upset, and wishes she’d told Dayna the psychic was there. Dayna says, it wasn’t appreciated, and it feels like a step forward, and two steps back for them. Scheana says, it was a miscommunication. Code for, I screwed up. Dayna asks why Scheana is starting to cry, and Scheana says she wanted to make Dayna smile. Dayna says she doesn’t want to keep having conversations like this. Let’s do better.

Kristen goes to Farmhouse, and asks if the wine is there. In her interview, she says she hasn’t seen or spoken to Katie or Stassi since before they went to Vegas. They’re there to promote the wine, and hopefully sell some, and keep their noses to the grindstone. She sets up, and meets bartender Landon. Stassi and Katie arrive, and in Kristen’s interview, she says she’s been busting her ass. Katie pops in and helps out, but she’s gotten nothing from Stassi, yet Stassi still gets paid. All she has to do is post something on her social media once in a while, but she can’t be bothered. They drink some rosé, and Stassi pointedly ignores Kristen, which seems really awkward.

Kayley, a reporter for US Weekly interviews the Witches. She asks what they argue about most. We flash back to them screeching at each other, and Kristen says, friend stuff. Not about business. In business, they agree on everything. We flash back to Stassi saying they always disagree, and this is why she doesn’t like working with other people. Their guests arrive, including the usual suspects. Tom tells Danica to congratulate Katie; she’s finally married. Danica says, officially? She asks if he’d like to do a softball competition between restaurants. Tom says, the losing team has to clean the other’s bar bathroom on their hands and knees with a toothbrush. Is he confusing this with a hazing? He says, it can just be the team captains, and she says Brett is her co-captain. In Tom’s interview, he says, TomTom has the best drinks, and the staff is full of all stars. He tells her, game on.

Dayna tells Max, she heard he made a new friend in Vegas, and he says, check? He says he heard she and Brett were making out at her party, and she says she thought he said it was dope. He says he was trying to play it cool, but he got frustrated. In Dayna’s interview, she admits it feels good that Max felt something about her kissing someone else, but he had his chance, and her life has to go on. She says she thought they both agreed it wasn’t an issue, and were moving TF on. In Max’s interview, he says he still wants to be friends with Dayna. Ariana tells Lala that she’s five glasses deep with the wine. Lala tells her about James, and says he looks great, and he’s in great spirits. She thinks he really gets it. In Lala’s interview, she says James was the first friend she made on her own there. He made her believe she was a bad-ass bitch. She’s getting that James back, but a better version. She tells Ariana, James is doing amazing. It’s still one day at a time for him. but if he keeps on this road, his potential is huge. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s seen James struggle, and in getting to know him, rooted for him. He and Lala have had a tumultuous friendship, but Lala always cared. It makes her happy that they’re reconnecting. Lala says they recorded a good song. It was the cherry on top.

In his interview, Beau says he’s proposing to Stassi tomorrow, and she has no idea. He asks her if the wine party turnout is good, and she says she doesn’t like working with friends. Beau suggests she could keep Kristen as a friend, but keep her at arm’s length. Stassi says, Kristen isn’t someone you can keep at arm’s length. Beau asks if she isn’t inviting Kristen to her birthday next year, and Stassi says she’s not interested in being friends with Kristen right now. Kristen is taking away from her life instead of adding to it. In her interview, Stassi wonders why she isn’t allowed to outgrow a friendship without everyone asking about it. The one person she expected to understand was Beau. WTF? Beau says he’s trying to process it, and Stassi starts to cry. She doesn’t know why it’s an issue. He says, it isn’t, and takes her hand. He tells her that he loves her, and he’s sorry.

Dayna tells the others about the bartending class. Lala tells Scheana that she heard Max banged Scheana squared. Tom tells Schwartz about the softball competition, and Scheana whines to Max about no one calling her. Kristen asks Beau if they’re still friends, and he says, of course. Maybe he won’t be giving her a big hug right now though. Stassi tells Katie she forgave Kristen for the worst thing, and she’s annoyed with Beau so hard. Kristen tells Beau, she’s known him longer, and asks if he’s not allowed to have friends if they’re not friends of Stassi’s. Beau says if Stassi is hurt or upset, he doesn’t want to make her more hurt or upset. Kristen asks if he’s afraid of Stassi, and he says, no. In his interview, Beau says he wants to make sure it’s the right decision. What if Stassi and Kristen make up, and Stassi looks back on it, and wishes Kristen was there? Beau is like the nicest, most thoughtful guy in the world.

Stassi goes over to Beau, and asks what the problem is. Kristen says the were talking friendships, and Stassi says, Beau is her boyfriend. Kristen strides off, saying this isn’t the place. In Kristen’s interview, she says she gets that Stassi wants to put an end to their friendship, but she’s there to promote a business. She’s not ruining all that because Stassi is insecure. Beau tells Stassi, if he hadn’t met Kristen, he wouldn’t have met any of them. Stassi says he doesn’t owe Kristen anything, and he says he’s just upset that a friendship is ending. He asks why she’s so affected, and she says she’s upset that he’s holding on to something weird. In Stassi’s interview, she says she and Beau are trying to start a life together, and the situation is giving her PTSD. We flash back to Kristen sleeping with Jax, twice, while he was Stassi’s boyfriend. She doesn’t want to deal with the 2013 psycho sh*t when she’s moving on. Stassi tells Beau she wants to go home. She feels embarrassed and weird. She can’t believe he’s doing this. Is she not his person? In his interview, Beau says he wants Stassi to be happy with him. He wants the proposal to be perfect. He spent all summer lying to her. In trying to make her happy, he’s making her miserable. He tells her that she’s yelling at him, and she says she doesn’t car, asking again if she’s not his effing person. She’s going. She storms out, and Beau says, WTF? Katie says, he knows how Stassi is. He says he needs Katie’s help. She says he needs something.

Next time, the softball game happens; Carter texts Beau, and says Beau and Stassi are cold-blooded; and Beau proposes.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian tells Alex, hold on. She says he raped her, but he says, no, he didn’t. He dresses quickly, and she asks why she’s there. He asks if she doesn’t remember. She came to his house, and drank half his alcohol. She says he drugged her, and he asks what’s the last thing she remembers? She says she doesn’t remember anything. Wait. They were at Natalie’s house, and he chased her out. He says he came out to talk to her. She was upset about Brad. She tries to leave, but he blocks her way. She grabs her shoes, and suddenly stops. He asks, what is it?

She says she can’t talk. What about her kids? She remembers… She leans against the wall, and she says she remembers telling him that she didn’t want them anymore. Ian says, or her marriage, or Brad, and she says, yes. She came onto him. She grabs her head, and Ian sits on a box. She apologizes, and says she’s so embarrassed. He tells her, that’s some crazy-ass sh*t to be blaming on somebody, and she says she’s sorry. She was out of it. She heads for the door, and outside, she pukes on the lawn. Randal sees, and Ian asks if she’s okay. Randal comes over, and Ian tells Alex to come in and sit down. She says she has to go home and check on the kids. She’s sorry. Randal comes across the street, and asks, what the hell is going on? He notes that Alex is in the same clothes she was wearing yesterday. Ian tells him, leave her alone, and Randal asks if she’s doing the walk of shame. Ian tells Randal to go back his house, and Randal says Ian just moved here. Shut the hell up. Ian says he’ll walk Alex home, and Randal asks Alex if Ian is her baby daddy. Ian tells him again to leave Alex alone, and says he can make Randal’s life difficult. Randal says his life is difficult every day, as we’d probably all answer. Randal asks Alex what she’s doing coming out of Ian’s house so early in the morning. She’d better answer. Ian tells Randal to mind his own business, and Randal says, this whore is his business. He tells Ian to go back in his house, and Ian says someone needs to kick Randal’s ass. Randal says he’d love to see that. Don’t let it be him right here. Randal moons Ian, and Ian walks Alex back to the other side of the street. Randal follows, and Ian tells him one more time to leave Alex alone. Ian faces Randal, and Alex gets in between them. She says, back up. Everybody go back to their own house, and leave her alone. As Randal walks away, he says, go kiss my ass; there it is, and he moons them again.

Alex goes into the house, and Brad asks where the hell she’s been. She says she has to get the kids to school, and starts to go upstairs. He says, they’re gone. Come back and talk to him – now. She asks where the babysitter is, and he says, gone. She called him late last night, wondering where Alex was; he had to relieve her. Alex says she’s here now, he can leave. He asks where she was, and she says, out. It’s none of his concern. He says his kids are his concern, and she says they were safe. He says, Chelsea had to leave, and she says she needs him to leave her alone; she doesn’t feel well. He asks what’s going on with her? Who was she with? Brian? Bob? Mark? Some other guy? She asks what he’s talking about, and he says he went through her laptop, and saw the dating site. She says, well… and he asks if that’s all she has to say. She says she’s not in the mood for this, and he says she was not only sleeping with Randal, there were other guys well. She says, this is over now. What does it matter? Brad says he loved her, and she says, okay. He says, that’s all she has to say? and she asks what he wants her to say. Marcie says Brad can’t hit Alex, but she can. Let her slap this bitch. Alex says she’s there now, so just get out of the way, and let her take care of her baby. Marcie says she and Brad are getting married, and Alex says, so? Good for her. Marcie says, good for her and Brad. She tells Brad, she’s sick of this whore. That’s another thing; she fed Alex’s baby. Alex says, okay. Want a cookie? Marcie says, she’s such a… and Alex says, what? Whatever is she is, she can have kids. Marcie says she’s going slap Alex into next week, and Alex laughs. She says, Marcie wants kids so bad, take him, and take the other two. She laughs, and says she’s done. She’s out of there. She’s done, and doesn’t want this; any of this. She never wanted this, and never wanted Brad. She hates the neighborhood, and being his wife. He says she could have told him before they got married. She says she couldn’t. She got hooked into everything he wanted. Marcie wants him? Take him. Take all of them. Give the kids up for adoption. She doesn’t care. Alex opens the door, and Brad says, come back. She walks out, and he follows.

Brad tells Alex to get back in the house, but she tells him, see what it’s like to do all this all by himself. She’s done. Tyrel watches from Kelly’s porch. Randal asks, what the hell is going on? What’s Marcie doing there? She says she’s there with her fiancé. Alex pulls out, and Brad tells Randal, he’s not in the mood for his crap. Randal says Brad’s ex was cheating on him with Ian. Brad says, get off his lawn, and Randal says, don’t get mad. Ask Ian. Brad says he doesn’t give a damn, and Randal says Ian might be the baby daddy. Marcie says, him or any other guy. Randal asks, what’s that supposed to mean? and she says he wasn’t the only one. Alex was screwing a lot of men. She went by the name of Jennifer Peppa. Look it up. Available day and night. Randal says she better be lying, and everyone goes to respective corners.

Tyrel calls to Natalie, asking if Lushion is still getting him in. She calls Lushion, who tells her, Kelly said he’s legit. Let him in, but she doesn’t want him to see Justice. She was clear about that. Natalie says, okay; does Tyrel know they have Justice? Lushion doesn’t know. What he does know is, don’t let him see Justice. He’ll see her at lunch. She tells Tyrel she’ll get the key. She comes back out, and tells him, sorry, but he says, it’s all good. She lets him into the house, and he says, it’s really nice. She asks where he stayed last night, and he says, an all-night coffee shop at the bus station. She apologizes, and says, Lushion likes to be on top of things. Tyrel says he gets it. He’s glad a cop lives next door. He asks where Justice is, and she says he’s staying with them. He asks what time school lets out; he wants to see Justice. Natalie says she’ll have to let Kelly know first. Tyrel says his mom told him what Kelly did to Travis. What happened? She says, Travis was bad news, and he asks if he and Kelly were dating, but she says he needs to talk to Kelly about that. He thanks her again, and Natalie leaves. He picks up his paper bag, and says, wow. Home. He looks around.

Randal gets on his laptop. He says, she was dating everybody. Jerome, TJ, Brock, Ryan, Derrick, Steven, Mark, Chris, Brian, Josiah, Larry; going east now, Jane, Joel. He closes the laptop and sits back in his chair.

In jail, Eddie yells, and Kelly tells him, shut up. He tells her, shut the hell up. Lushion comes by, and asks what Eddie is doing there. Eddie says Lushion’s got to get him out. Damn Steven. He woke up in there; Steven played a game on him. Lushion laughs, and says, sorry, but Eddie should hear himself. Eddie asks if Lushion thinks he did this. Steven set him up. Lushion says it looks like a good day to be in there. Eddie’s got no home, and he’ll get two hot meals and a cot. Eddies says, get him out, and Lushion asks, what happened? Eddies says, nothing. He woke up in a toga party. Kelly says, he was drunk, and he says, shut her ass up. Lushion starts to walk toward Kelly’s cell, and Kelly says, they got him on a DUI. Eddie says, trumped up charges. Lushion says he doesn’t care, but when he gets a second, he’ll talk to Steven. Eddie says, get him out, and Lushion says he’ll see what he can do. He goes to Kelly’s cell, and Eddie says, that’s messed up.

Lushion tells Kelly, he’s on his way to see the DA. She says she’s got information, but he says he doesn’t want to take it. He doesn’t want the DA to find out where he got it from. A lawyer will come to see her. She shows him the Bible with the photos inside, and Eddie says, she ain’t supposed to have that. She tells him, shut up, and he says, shut her ass up. He wants to get out. Lushion tells him, then shut the hell up. Lushion looks through the phots, and gives them back to Kelly. She asks what the plan is, and he says a public defender is going to come see her. She says, that kid? Does Lushion think he can get it done? He looked so scared, like a deer in headlights. Lushion says, let them work on it. He also talked to Rick, who came up with some good information. She thanks him, and he says he’s with her. She’s not alone. He’ll see her later. He squeezes her hand, and Eddie says Lushion is just leaving him in there? Lushion shrugs, and Kelly laughs. Lushion walks past Eddie’s cell, and says it looks good on him.

Esperanza walks into the office with Steven. She thanks him for the coffee, and for being there for her. She appreciates it. She asks how long they can keep Eddie, and he says, the paperwork may have gotten lost. She says, and he had nothing to do with it? Have it his way. Lushion comes in, and Esperanza says she has to go to work. Lushion says he wants to talk to both of them. How did Eddie end up in there? Steven says he arrested Eddie on a DUI. Lushion tells him, that’s not what it says in the report; what happened? Steven says he was driving drunk. Lushion looks at Esperanza, and Steven says, she wasn’t there. Esperanza says Eddie got drunk and came to her house. Lushion says, she can’t lie, and she confirms that. Lushion says they have to let him out. Steven didn’t see Eddie driving. Steven says he doesn’t know that, but Lushion says, let him out, or Steven’s no better than he is. Lushion leaves, and Esperanza says, fine. Steven says she knows how pissed Eddie will be, and she says she’ll deal with it. He says they’re still on break. Let’s get more coffee.

Ian sits at his desk, sipping a drink, when Alex walks in, his assistant at her heels. He says, it’s okay, and Alex says, guess what? She walked out of her life. He says, okay… She says, it’s all because of him, but he says, sorry. He doesn’t see the correlation. She says, it’s a good thing. He asks if she’s still drinking, and she says, no, but she’s going to. She opens his desk drawer, and says, come on. He says, all right, and she sits on the desk. He tells her, it’s strong, but she says she’s good. It’s a celebration. She’s going to get a job. He says, that’s a good thing, and she says, how about she works there? He asks what she knows about the law, and she says, not a damn thing. He says, it’s probably not the best idea, and she says, he was really good last night. She doesn’t think she’s done yet, but he says, it’s not the place; he’s at work. She asks if he’s really turning her down, and he says, it’s not the place. She says, fine; be that way. She drains her drink, and he asks if he can call later, but she says by then, she’ll have found someone else to scratch this itch. She leaves, and his assistant tells him that Larry wants to see him. He says he’ll be right in. When she’s gone, he says, oh, man. Oh, man, indeed.

Ian goes into Larry’s office. He says he had a late crazy night, and Larry says, another floozy bites the dust? (Who uses the word floozy?) Ian says, something like that. Larry says, tell him more, but his intercom buzzes. He says, hold that thought. Larry’s assistant says, the DA is in the lobby, and Larry asks, why? She says the DA wants to talk to him about the Travis Kane case. Ian wonders why, and Larry says they’re about to find out. He tells his assistant to let her in. Ian says, this is awful, and Larry says, tell him about it. DA Linda comes in, and Larry asks, to what does he owe the pleasure? She says she knows his reputation in town far exceeds him, and he says he’s sure she’s up for reelection. He offers her a seat, and introduces Ian. She says she got a call from public defender Carl Adams. He said he’s defending Kelly, and that he has clear evidence that proves it was self-defense. Larry tells her, they all say that. She says he knows the outs and ins of the church. Is there anything she should know? Larry says, no. Kelly murdered Travis in cold blood. What more does she need? She says she doesn’t like surprises, and Larry says, there are none. Why is she afraid of this kid? She says, that’s not it, and he asks, what’s the problem. She says she told him; she doesn’t do surprises. He says, there are none. Prosecute to the fullest. She says she intends to, and Larry says, the family will be happy. Anything else? She says she just wanted to look at him, face to face, to get reassurance. He says she has it, and she leaves. When she’s gone, Larry tells Ian, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Interesting. Ian asks what he means, and Larry says he doesn’t like it. Ian says, it seems like a solid case, but Larry says, public defenders don’t go to the DA. Ian says he knows what they were like when they were young, but Larry says, something isn’t right. Get Carl in there. Ian says, he wants to discuss the case? and Larry says, Carl doesn’t have to know that. Just get his ass in there, and stop asking questions. When Larry is alone, he says, something is not right.

A guard tells Eddie, he’s free to go. Eddie says, it’s about damn time. He sees Kelly sitting on her cot, and asks if that’s her Bible. The guard says, let’s go, but Eddie says, she ain’t supposed to have it. Kelly asks what he’s talking about, and he tells her to give it to him. Hand it over. He tells the guard to take a walk; he’s got this. He tells Kelly, give him that Bible. She’s making his day. They’re going to keep stacking charges; resisting an officer, and keeping contraband. The Lord won’t mind her not having it. The Scripture should be written on the tablet of her heart. She yells for Lushion, and Eddie mimics her. He says Lushion’s not at the station, and tells the guard to open the cell door. Don’t give him that look; Eddie’s his superior. Kelly yells, no! and Eddie pulls the cell door open. She tries kicking him, but he takes the Bible. She begs him not to take it, and he asks, what happened to her telling him to shut up? She says she needs the Bible, and he tells her, take her hands off of him. He looks inside, and says, lookee here. All these women Calvary Church paid off. He’s sure these women will pay good money for the evidence. Kelly begs again, and he says, now it’s please. What happened to shut up? She says she didn’t mean it, and he says, Eddie is going to do like she asked. Lock it up, and throw away the key. He heads down the hall, waving the Bible, and says, good luck with the murder charges, bitch. Praise Jesus. Kelly looks defeated.

Next time, Ian goes to see Lushion, Lushion shakes down Eddie, Alex rides a mechanical bull,  Randal tells Marcie that she’ll never walk down the aisle with Brad, and Brad tells the baby to breathe.

🌎 We Are the World…

Stay safe, flatten that curve, and save the earth. I know, it’s a lot.

April 17, 2020 – The Shahs Do Hawaii, WOTN, Found, All About Garcelle, Busy Docs, Vicky Stalled, Second Time, BH BS, Years Of Wives, Moneymaker, Go Pink, Broadway Cares, Eight Whole Quotes & Seven Days


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


Shahs of Sunset

Mike and Paulina go for coffee with pup Whiskey, who is absolutely adorable and surprisingly well-behaved. Mike asks how she felt about seeing everyone at Boots and Brews, and we flash back to that. Paulina thinks they’re dramatic, and Mike says they’ve gone through so much drama, the friendships have been tainted somewhat, but he still loves them. in Mike’s interview, he says they have to start communication, healing, and moving forward. He tells Paulina that he’s planned a trip for her birthday to Hawaii, and she says, how fun. He tells her that he’s invited the crew, and she says Mike is in his early 40s. Come on. He says, it will be an excuse to regroup. The bullsh*t is getting old. In his interview, he says, it’s common sense that just the two of them on the trip would be romantic, but he loves his friends, and wants to show them a great time. Risking Paulina’s love for the love of his friends is a catch-22. He tells her that he wants to share their happiness with his friends, and start fresh. She says, they’ll make it fun.

Nema and Mona’s mom Moshgan is visiting from upstate new York. In his interview, Nema says, when his mom comes to town, she likes to soak up family and kid time. Moshgan says, it’s been the best trip, and she’s been getting in some sun worship. Nema says they’d love it if she made it a permanent thing. Mona says, when she has kids, Moshgan is going to move there. Moshgan tells Nema, if he doesn’t have kids, when he gets old he’ll just have his dog. In Nema’s interview, he says after their parents divorced, his sister stayed with his mom in New York, while he went with their dad to California. It caused damage and trauma that he can’t put into words. Nema says he doesn’t want to upset Moshgan, but his childhood was so traumatic, it strengthened his resolve not to have kids. Moshgan says she’s sorry, but he can’t use what happened in the past to affect what happens with the rest if his life. Nema says it’s hard to hear her say, just get over it, but she says she’s not saying that. She wrote him a letter two years ago about what happened. It was emotional, and it took time; did he read it? He says, it’s frustrating for him to hear that it’s been two years. In his interview, he says he’s too worried about what it says to read it. He’s afraid he’ll read something he can’t come back from. It might taint his relationship with his dad, which is already not strong. Moshgan says, if he wants to know what happened, read her six-page letter.

Destiney meets with MJ at a smoothie place. MJ says she likes Destiney’s energy, and feels like they’re on the same page. She wants them to be good friends in a good place. A lot of lies happened, and it’s where things went south. In MJ’s interview, she says she apologized to Reza at Boots and Brews. We flash back to that, and MJ says, now she wants to open the line of communication, and fix things with Destiney. She tells Destiney, she’s  there to apologize, and be transparent. Something small between Ali and Reza evolved into giant nonsense toxic bullsh*t. After the crying and confrontation that happened, she doesn’t want it to be the same thing. In Destiney’s interview, she says she thought she and MJ were like sisters. We see clips from their relationship over the years, and Destiney says, MJ hurt and betrayed her. MJ doesn’t see it, or she’s acting like she doesn’t, and Destiney doesn’t trust her. She tells MJ, she thought MJ had her back, and they were sisters, then sh*t happened. Ali walks in, and Destiney looks shocked. In her interview, Destiney says whatever MJ and Ali have cooked up, she wants no part of it.

MJ goes to the counter to order, and Ali asks how Destiney is. In MJ’s interview, she says, ultimately, she wants both of them in her life. She’s missed Destiney, and her intention is to fix this. When she comes back to the table, MJ says she wants full transparency from everyone. Destiney says she wants to figure out what’s going on, and where they all stand. MJ says she knew Ali had an issue with Reza, and wanted to talk to Destiney, so she said, go for it, but be ready to be real. Destiney says she let her emotions take ahold of her, and regrets how it came off. MJ says, the negativity has been toxic and poisonous. From her perspective of the big picture, Ali had been a close friend, but told Reza she’d said she was concerned about his marriage. Ali says he did improvise there, and MJ tells him, don’t drag her name into it, and say it’s about her concerns. In Destiney’s interview, she says, MJ is making sh*t up to save herself. Ali had said MJ put him up to it, but now he’s kissing MJ’s ass. Ali says he’s sorry he drew that conclusion, and MJ says she wants to be friends, and be on the same page. She asks Destiney if she can have a hug, and Destiney reluctantly gets up. They hug, and Destiney asks MJ to promise she has good intentions. In her interview, Destiney says she wants to believe MJ has good intentions, but deep down, she’s not comfortable.

Adam comes home to Reza, Smokey, and Miss Moo. In Reza’s interview, he wishes he could say things are amazing, but they’re not. He tells Adam that he’s going to be gone next week, so no naked Jenga when he’s not there. In his interview, Reza says he’s committed to and loves his husband. He hopes in time, this will be a distant memory. He asks Adam when they’re going to play naked Jenga, and Adam says he wants to have a conversation about that. Reza says he sounds serious, but Adam says, not as serious as Reza is making it sound, and they sit. Adam says when he went through his texts, he saw Ali was right. He did mention naked whatever, but he said immediately that he was joking. Reza says he doesn’t care about Ali; he cares about Adam doing things that make people think he doesn’t have respect for their marriage. He doesn’t like finding out his husband was potentially engaging in inappropriate behavior. People divorce over these kinds of issues, and it literally plants the seed of doubt and paranoia in someone’s head. Adam asks Reza to stop and listen, instead of shutting down. When Reza gets angry, he doesn’t listen. He interrupts and says Adam’s not making sense. He says he knows Reza mentioned a trip to Hawaii, and Reza says it would be making more of a statement if he didn’t go, and would become a big deal. He and MJ were at the Boots and Brews thing together, and he doesn’t want it to be an issue in the group. Adam says he needs to get something off his chest. He never wants MJ there again. Reza says, it’s Adam’s house too. If Adam doesn’t want her there, no problem. Right now, they’re not in a great place anyway. Adam says, if MJ and Reza get back to a good place, that’s fine, but he doesn’t want her to be around. He can never talk to her again; not even a hello. In his interview, Reza says he wants to respect his husband, but at the same time, he has a yearning for someone who used to be bigger in his life, and it’s something painful to process.

Nema and Mike head into a clinic, and Nema says, real men get Botox together. In Mike’s interview, he says he’s 41, and wants to keep it looking young. Nema says he’s stoked for Hawaii. Mike asks if Mona is coming, but Nema says Mona is mad at him. He sent his parents a text saying they screwed up his life; he has a lot of anger under the surface. Mike says he uses it to justify keeping his life from them. Nema says, if he didn’t care, it would be easy, and Mike says, it’s causing stress, and stress is going to kill him. In his interview, Mike says Nema is a good dude, but he doesn’t understand his Persian parents. They had to flee their country, and started with nothing. It’s hard for people to understand the struggles they face. He tells Nema, when you’re young and in a new country with no money, it’s difficult. They didn’t know any better; he can’t blame them. He needs to have an open heart and mind. Nema says his mom wrote him a letter, talking about her feelings on her end. In Nema’s interview, he says he was finally ready to read it, but it was frustrating. He reads from the letter, his mom writing that watching him leave was the hardest experience of her life, and has haunted her for twenty-five years. She was only twenty-five and powerless. She went back and forth to see him, and worked 70 and 80 hours a week, often the third shift, in order to afford the trip, because she had no assistance. Nema says, but it doesn’t address why he and Mona were separated. He hates the letter because it doesn’t give him an ounce of closure. Mike says, life is short. He prays Nema finds it in his heart to forgive. Come to Hawaii, and chill out. Nema says he’s going to eat his body weight in sushi. The doctor comes in, and Nema says they’re here for a tune-up. Mike looks skeptical, but gets the Botox. He says, Hawaii, here we come.

Destiney, Sara, GG, and MJ meet Paulina for a girls night out. Mike told her to go for a night out with the girls before they leave, and just have a good time. In Destiney’s interview, she says since she and Sara’s brother are no longer talking, hopefully Sara will be in a better mood. They sit outside, and MJ says it’s her first girls night out since having the baby. Tommy’s dad is watching Shams. In GG’s interview, she says MJ doing what she did is one thing – we flash back to MJ’s concern for GG when she got sick at Boots and Brews – but her taking it as an honest gesture is another thing. She’s definitely over having enemies. It’s a heavy burden to carry. They clink glasses, and toast to girls night; no boys. There’s silence, and Sara says, it’s gorgeous, but chilly, and they decide to go inside. MJ shows them how she can line her lips without using a mirror, and GG says she has skills. MJ asks if GG is feeling better, and GG says, it was an effed up situation. Paulina says she didn’t know anything about it, and GG explains that she had her fallopian tubes removed. The baby was seven weeks when she ruptured, so she’d barely been pregnant. It was a fluke of nature, since ectopic pregnancies are rare. MJ is sorry that GG went through that. In MJ’s interview, she says she feels compassion for everything GG has been through. She tells GG, it sucks they’re not closer. They could have had their experiences together. GG says she’s sorry, and admits there’s a jealousy factor. She would have rather had a child at the end. She’s read to give a baby love. MJ says she’s sure it will be a reality for GG soon, and asks if she can give GG a hug. When they hug, MJ says she didn’t know GG was getting pregnant, and GG asks if that would have made MJ not be mean to her. In her interview, GG says, for many years, she and MJ had a toxic friendship, but GG is a different person now. She doesn’t want MJ as an enemy or a friend. The best thing is to let it go. The girls toast to Paulina’s birthday.

Nema goes to see therapist Todd. He tells Todd that his mom is in town. He wishes it meant more than it does, but he’s frustrated and on edge. Todd asks how often Nema has discussed it with his mom, and Nema says she wrote him a letter on her feelings. She said, when his parents were going through the break-up, Nema’s dad reached out to his grandfather for assistance, and suggested his dad do him the favor of taking the kids to Iran for a month, while they figured things out. She was against it, but they convinced her it was a good idea not to let the kids see them fighting. It was only supposed to be one month, while they figured it out. His first response was wondering how one month turned into nine. His second response was that he’s thirty-six, and still dealing with the fallout. That they did this because they didn’t want the kids to see them arguing makes him angry, and prevents him from having a conversation with them. He’s more angry at his dad. He has an early memory of going to the grocery store with his grandfather, and there being an Iranian guard with an AK-47, watching people. Todd says, he’s in this new world, and the transition didn’t include a conversation about it. His mom laid it out, and wants him to understand where she’s coming from. Nema doesn’t want to be mad, but can’t avoid it. Nema says he has two volumes. One is, he doesn’t give a sh*t, and the other is, listen MF’er. It’s either zero or ten. Todd says, when we bury emotions, they manifest, and he needs to release it. Nema says, the status quo isn’t working. In his interview, Nema says he’s tired of being the victim of what’s happened to him. He’s been angry too long. Todd says if he has a conflict, he needs to put it out there and articulate what’s bothering him. In Nema’s interview, he says he needs his parents to come together, so he can ask why they did it, and tell them why it was wrong. That’s closure. He tells Todd, one step at a time.

As Mike packs, he realizes he always wears black T-shirts. Paulina says, that’s all he needs.

Reza packs 10,000 pairs of shoes. In his interview, he says, he’s not excited about the trip. He and MJ barely scratched the surface in moving forward, but their history makes it worth going.

MJ tells assistant Sienna, it’s weird. Hawaii is where she wanted to go with Reza, Adam, and Tommy, since neither couple had a honeymoon. Obviously, they’re not going on a honeymoon together. In her interview, she says, hopefully, they’ll get where they need to be. She tells Sienna, they’re going to be staying at a multimillion dollar property, and she wants to get back to when their moments of having fun and making fun of each other. She’s not leaving her newborn for no reason. She’s investing in their friendship. In MJ’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to leave Baby Shams for five minutes, but she knows she needs to do this for the friendship. She’ll do or say whatever it takes to help fix things.

Mike says when they travel as a group, they always act the fool. He’s hoping everyone gets along, and Paulina experiences the amazingness of his friends that he’s told her about. In Reza’s interview, he says he plans to be cordial, and ease into interaction with MJ. They fly to the island of Hawaii, and take a limo bus to the property.

Homeowner Goldie greets them, and they’re given leis by the cultural attaché Stephanie. In Nema’s interview, he says, the vibe with MJ and Reza is like an unexpected run-in with an ex. You don’t expect it to be cool, but it’s awkward. Stephanie welcomes them, and says they’re going to do a traditional Hawaiian greeting. They’re to pair up, and touch foreheads, nose to nose; inhale and exhale, then hug. In his interview, Reza says he was hoping to ease into the interaction, but it’s like, boom! Forehead to forehead. Nema and GG face each other. In his interview, Nema says he and GG are in a great place now. In GG’s interview, she says, after a few drinks, she could see Nema as bedroom worthy, but that’s as far as she’ll go.

MJ texts Tommy, asking how Shams is. I covet GG’s headband with two palm trees sticking up from it. Tommy texts back that Shams is great, and tells MJ to have fun. As usual, the food spread is fabulous, as is the property. Everything is beyond. Nema says, it’s going to be fat Nema resurrected in Hawaii. GG says she got fun headbands for the girls, and tattoos for the guys. MJ chooses a headband with flamingos, and I want that one too. Reza approaches MJ, and says he wants a grown up conversation with two people who are special to him. He asks why MJ and Destiney are still engaging with someone who didn’t have his best interest at heart? We flash back to two minutes ago, when Destiney, Ali, and MJ got together, and in Destiney’s interview, she says she tells Reza everything. MJ wonders, instead of confronting his friend of thirty years, why isn’t he saying Ali must be full of sh*t? Why didn’t he come to her? Reza asks why MJ and Ali are super tight, and in MJ’s interview, she says few people showed up at her father’s deathbed. Ali showed up in ways none of her other friends did. MJ says Reza has done stuff to her in the past, but when he came for her, she did nothing. There are certain things she resents, but if she wanted to get mad and screw him over, she would have done it then.

Mike says, this is killing him, and Paulina asks if they’re done. Everyone disperses, and Mike tells them to figure out the room situation among themselves. The rooms are incredible, and the views are stunning. I can’t imagine ever being rich enough to go there, but if that happened, you’d have a hard time prying me out. MJ tells Reza, he’s literally the worst. Reza asks, how? He’s apologizing, and owning every bit. MJ asks where was the call she deserved? Reza says she should have told him that she was feeling five kinds of ways, and she says she wanted him to be in the delivery room. He says he wanted to be, and it broke his heart. In Reza’s interview, he says he didn’t go to see MJ in the hospital because they weren’t in a good place. We flash back to Reza calling MJ while she was recovering, and grilling her about Ali. MJ says she saw him making a huge choice not get clarity from her, but they both lacked empathy. Reza says, it’s unimaginable that his closest friend entertained someone who did something not positive to him. The outcome was sh*tty and effed up. He wants to own his part in that, and that it affected her life in a negative way. MJ says she didn’t think about what he was going through, since she was wrapped up in what she going through. Reza says that’s all he needed. From the bottom of his heart, he forgives everyone, and apologizes with his whole heart. He did to Ali the same thing Tommy did; stand up for his spouse. It made him see Tommy in a different light, and let go of the anger. That’s all he needed from her; to own her part. They can take baby steps; time and action. In Reza’s interview, he says, Adam wants nothing to do with MJ. Now he feels that he has the insurmountable task of respecting his husband’s wishes, and getting back to a beautiful place with his best friend of thirty years who’s gone. Reza asks if MJ doesn’t think this is amazing. MJ says their realization that they both lacked empathy is a breakthrough. Reza says, a big breakthrough.

Next time, fire eaters and sea life, surfing lessons, GG flirts with Nema; and Mike says, there’s lots of sh*t talking and he wants them to act right.

🍸 On Watch What Happens Live tonight, the word of the night was Reza. They said it a total of 33 times. Andy said if we were playing, don’t drive, but I say, if you were playing, you’re probably dead.

🙌🏾 Some Happy News…

Sheree’s mom has been found.

👠 A New Wife In the Hills…

I really liked Garcelle. She might end up being a saving grace of the show, although it’s only the first week.

Photo gallery.

Dishing the dirt.

👨🏻‍⚕️ Botched Quarantine…

If anyone can entertain themselves, these two can.

👰🏼 Marriage Postponement…

She’s not getting married unless it can be televised.

🍼 New Nassif On the Way…

Take two for Paul.

💋 Kyle Pours the Tea…

I find it doubtful she and LVP will ever be friends again.

🛣 Memories…

Before their faces consisted only of fillers and Botox.

💰 In Defense of Profit…

Because they need money after building that humongous house.

🥣 She Don’t Wanna Start a Fight…

Pink gives back.

🎭 On Broadway…

A quarantinable reminder from the Great White Way.

📣 Quotes of the Week

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen

Without music, life would be a mistake. – Friedrich Nietzsche

I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them.Pablo Picasso

People are telling me I’m viral, but I say, don’t worry, I’m fine. – Leslie Jordan, new internet sensation

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts. – Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Helping my son with his math homework makes me wish homework and numbers and children didn’t exist. – Mike (@dadandburied), on Twitter

Not everyone you lose is a loss. – Dr. Phil

The struggles we endure today will be the ‘good old days’ we laugh about tomorrow. – Aaron Lauritsen (Ain’t it the truth!)

🪁 It’s Still Just the Weekend To Me…

No Dead on Sunday yet, so see you when it’s Sailing time. Stay safe, and get out of those PJs.

April 15, 2020 – Sonny Calls Nikolas a Coward, Beverly Hills Goes To Fashion Week & Surviving


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the beginning, so here are the highlights. Sonny tells Jason, someone else needs to be warned about Cyrus, and Jason jets. Nikolas and Ava stop by Sonny’s place, via the kitchen entrance, and Charlotte has brought a sack containing her pet snake, Nagini, to Violet’s party. She tells him that they’re going to have so much fun, and hides the sack in the alcove under the stairs.

Lulu suggests Charlotte help by giving the kids some pointers. Charlotte looks at the sack, and goes with Lulu.

Sonny says the newlyweds, and Nikolas says, good to see him. Sonny asks why it took Nikolas so long to climb out from under his rock to say hello, and  Ava says they’re here to pick up Avery for Violet’s party; they’re not looking for a fight. Sonny says bodyguard Cy is taking them; he’s the best, and discreet. They won’t even know he’s there. Nikolas says he can protect his wife and her daughter, but Sonny says Nikolas is going to stay. They have a lot of catching up to do.

When they’re alone, Nikolas tells Sonny, he has an apology to make before Sonny says anything. Several apologies. He’s sorry about leaving Spencer, and sorry for getting Carly involved. Asking her to keep him a secret from Sonny was a bad call. Sonny says Nikolas has made a lot of them, but Nikolas says it was the only way to keep Spencer safe. Sonny says, it wasn’t the only way. Nikolas says he did what was best for his family, Sonny says, he didn’t. He doesn’t care about Nikolas, but he does care about Nikolas’s mother and his son, and the choices Nikolas made that affected them. He knows all he needs to know about Nikolas. Nikolas asks, what’s that? and Sonny says, there’s only one kind of man who would betray his children like Nikolas did, and he has no use for him. We flash back to Nikolas telling Spencer that he needed to be strategic, and Spencer saying he needed his father.

Maxie tells Peter, when she spoke to Lulu, she said Valentin wasn’t worth fighting over, and Lulu agreed. Anna approaches them, and says, Georgie is about to ride the pony. She wants them to watch her. Maxie wonders if she should film it in regular or slo-mo. Anna goes inside, and sees Robert with a wrapped gift that looks like a really long stick. She says, absolutely not. Not in her house. Not now; not ever. Robert says, it’s practically a tradition. Violet comes in with Finn, and asks where Robert went. Robert says he went to pick up something special. Finn asks Anna if he should be worried, and Anna tells him that he should be afraid. Violet asks Anna to help unwrap it. Elizabeth tells Finn, it’s a good party, and he says it’s just something he threw together. She says, Violet is having a wonderful birthday, and he says she doesn’t think he went overboard? She says, not at all, and he says it’s the first birthday party he’s throwing for her, and he needs to prove he can deliver. Elizabeth says, and he did, but he doesn’t need prove anything. The one thing Violet already knows is that he’s a good dad. The gift is unwrapped, and it’s a didgeridoo. Robert plays it, and says, it’s a classic happy birthday.

Franco sees Ava and Avery, and Ava asks if Avery remembers her friend Franco. Franco says he remembers her, and asks if she’d like some popcorn. Ava says, popcorn is gross, and Avery doesn’t like it. Avery says she loves popcorn, and Franco suggests she get her own box. He can be her guide through the party; there’s a juggler and petting zoo.

Catching Olivia on her way in from screaming at Rocco, Robert tells her, he’s sorry, but Dante’s condition hasn’t improved. We flash back to Olivia telling Dante, for so long, it was just the two of them. She knew she could never give him everything he deserves. Dante says she did great, and she says she did her best. Every decision she made was to keep him safe, but she realized, as he grew, her job was going to get harder, because he’s not a man who will ever be content to be safe. He’s a hero in every sense of the word. Olivia tells Robert, it’s been over a year; there must be an improvement. He says he’s sorry to bring her bad news, but she says, unlike the doctors at the WSB, she’s not giving up. As long as Dante is alive, there’s still hope.

Dante asks if Sonny talks to Spencer, and Sonny says they’re very close. Spencer wants to know why he’s been abandoned by his father. I stare at the bowl of moss. Sonny says, Spencer checks in every night with a text or voicemail, but when Spencer calls, he picks up and they talk. Nikolas asks, what about? He’s sure Spencer tells Sonny what a terrible father he is. Sonny says he doesn’t mention Nikolas much; he doesn’t have to. It’s in everything he says, and not in a good way. Spencer tells him about school, what he does, his discoveries in France. He doesn’t say he’s lonely; he doesn’t have to. Nikolas is sorry his son is in pain, but Spencer is a child. In time, he’ll understand the choices Nikolas made were to protect him. Sonny says, Nikolas did it for himself, and Spencer doesn’t understand why Nikolas chose to abandon him. We flash back to Spencer telling Nikolas that he could have come home any time; Spencer never had to leave home, but Nikolas cared more about hating Valentin than loving him. Ava tells Spencer, Nikolas always loved him, but Spencer says he hated Valentin for killing Nikolas. Now he hates Nikolas for not staying dead. Nikolas tells Sonny, of all people, he thought Sonny would understand the lengths he went to in order to protect his family. Sonny says, only cowards do what Nikolas did, and he isn’t a coward. Nikolas would be smart to remember that.

Nikolas says, if Sonny is calling him a coward, he’s conveniently forgotten that Valentin tried to kill him. He had to protect Spencer, and find a way to take back what was his. Sonny says, it’s like one snake taking the head off another. Stay away from the people he loves, including his wife. Nikolas says he regrets dragging Carly into it, and Sonny says, and Spencer. We flash back to Ava asking Spencer not to shut Nikolas out. She knows how profoundly Spencer was affected by losing Nikolas, and how deeply Nikolas loves him. It’s time they both stopped hurting, and put anger aside. Let his father love him again. Spencer tells Nikolas, he could have come back with nothing. Instead, he let Spencer believe he was dead. Spencer has lived every day for the past three years alone, because of Nikolas. He built Nikolas up as a noble prince in his memory, but he’s as heartless as Valentin. The Cassadine legacy is more important than he is. Stay the hell away from him.

Willow and Chase come bearing a unicorn piñata, and Willow explains how a piñata works by pulling strings on it. Chase asks, what happened to beating the thing until it breaks? Finn asks if he has no compassion for paper mache, and Willow says, some kids don’t like hitting things that look like something that’s alive. Rocco runs in, and says Peter Pan is there. Willow goes back out with him, and Chase follows. Finn puts the piñata aside.

Finn tells Chase, he’s glad Willow could make it. Chase thinks she’s having a good time; she loves being around kids. Finn says, it makes sense, since she’s a teacher. He asks if Chase is all right, and Chase says, he’s fine, but Willow’s not. The whole custody battle is getting to her. Wiley isn’t her son, but they bonded fully and deeply. She can’t just switch it off. Michael is fighting for full custody, but if he loses, and Nelle gets Wiley, he’s not sure Willow can take it.

Charlotte comes back in, as Anna heads out the front door. Jason is on the porch, and she says she’s sorry she couldn’t meet at the MetroCourt, but she has this party going on. He says he just wanted to give her a heads up, and she says, if it’s about Peter, she can’t. He says, it’s about Cyrus, and she says she saw he was released. He says, Cyrus is trying to get leverage on key members of law enforcement. He doesn’t know if she’s a target, but Sonny wanted her to be aware. She tells him to thank Sonny, and he asks if the WSB has ever gone after Cyrus? She says she can’t share that information, and he says if she feels something is wrong, it can’t hurt to have back up. Sam comes out with Danny, and Danny says, dad?

Willow asks if Chase knows what the nicest thing about the party is, and he says, the bounce house? The petting zoo? She says seeing his grumpy brother doting on Violet. Does he know any other circumstance that would get Dr. Finn on a pony ride? It’s amazing how kids change your life. Chase flashes back to Sasha telling him, the only reason Michael isn’t asking Willow to marry him, is out of respect for Chase and Willow’s relationship. Chase says Willow would never leave him. She’d feel terrible, and it’s not the kind of person she is. But how could she be happy for the rest of her life, if Nelle got custody of Wiley, and she knew she could have stopped it, and didn’t? Chase tells Willow, he could use a walk. How about her? She takes his hand, and they leave.

Anna asks Jason to excuse her; she has to get back. Danny asks if Jason is there for the party, but he says he had to talk to Anna, and he can’t stay.

Ava sees Charlotte, and asks how she is. Charlotte says she’d like to go home. Ava says she’s sure Charlotte’s mother would be happy to take her, but Charlotte says she’s referring to her real home. Ava is sorry it’s difficult, but says, Charlotte knows Windymere belongs to her and Nikolas. Charlotte says, it’s not about her. Butterscotch misses his stall. Ava asks if Butterscotch is her pony, and she says, Butterscotch is a horse; there’s a big difference. A pony is fourteen hands, and Butterscotch is fifteen hands. Ava says she’s more than welcome to visit any time, but she doesn’t think Butterscotch would enjoy the launch. Charlotte doesn’t think so either. Lulu comes in, and tells Ava, she hopes Charlotte wasn’t rude. Ava says, Charlotte is just upset about her horse not being at Windymere. Lulu says, it’s definitely been an adjustment, and Ava tells her, blame Valentin for giving Charlotte false expectations. Lulu starts to respond, and Ava tells says, she knows what Lulu wants to say. They kind of want the same thing. Lulu asks what Ava thinks that is, and Ava says, for them to be better acquainted as sisters-in-law. Lulu says that’s not what she was going to say, and Ava says, come on. At least play along. It gives them something else to do other than bask in the glow of childhood mirth. Lulu says, it’s no secret she hates Valentin, and Ava says, wait until he pushes her from a parapet. Lulu says, the last thing she wants is her daughter caught in the middle of their feud. Ava says, no problem, and Lulu says, so she’ll help steer Charlotte clear of that? Ava says, she really means, no problem. Nikolas versus Valentin is over; they won. Lulu says, okay, great, and thanks her.

Peter sees Lulu, and Lulu says, look at them, talking socially. Peter asks if she’s warning him not to talk shop, and she says there’s nothing she’d love more, but kids, sugar, animals; it’s not the right frame of mind. He suggests they talk about Maxie instead. Her new job at Deception means a lot to her. Lulu says, it means a lot to her too. If working near, and having her paycheck covered by Valentin is a mistake, it’s Maxie’s to make. Peter says his eyes are open, and he’s watching. She tells him, be ready to catch Maxie when Valentin knocks her down.

Nikolas says Spencer is his son, but Sonny says, according to Spencer, he’s an orphan. Nikolas wasn’t there, so Sonny had to be. Nikolas says he’s sorry, but he cleared the road for Spencer to be the man he’ll never be. Sonny says, spare him the false humility. Nikolas is proud he climbed out of the sea, into bed with Ava, and back to Windymere. Congratulations. Nikolas can do what he wants, but if it touches Spencer – Sonny gets closer to him – he will intervene. Understand him? Nikolas says, yeah, and Sonny says, good. Then they’re done. Nikolas leaves.

Jason tells Danny, there’s something important they need to talk about. He wants Danny to keep being a great big brother. Look out for Scout and his mom, because Jason can’t be around for a while. Danny asks, why not?

Charlotte opens the sack, and asks Nagini if he’s okay in there, and promises he’ll be out soon. Ava and Franco come in, and Charlotte skootches into the alcove. Ava says she left it out there, but Franco says they don’t need to do this now. Ava picks up her purse, and says she’ll check her calendar. How’s tomorrow for their next sitting? He wants to get back to the party; he kind of likes the piñata. She laughs, and says, look at them. At a birthday party, at Anna’s house no less. He says, they’ve come a long way, and she says, yet she’s nowhere near satisfied. He says Nikolas has a bottomless bank account, and she’s a princess. She says, her tiara is tarnished, and he says he’s happy for her. It’s her vision of a dream come true. She says, not yet, but it will be. She puts her purse back, and they go back outside. Charlotte peeks out, and looks at the piñata.

Finn goes inside, and sits on the couch. Anna sees him, and says, just when she thought everything was going well. He says he has a kit in his medical bag, but she says, the party is going famously. She wondered what’s troubling him. He asks if he looks troubled, and she says he does. He says he was thinking maybe he should write Violet a letter, but she says, just tell Violet what he wants to tell her. He says he would be writing from a person who should be there, and Anna realizes he means Hayden. He says, on one hand, it would be a way to tell Violet that her mom is thinking of her, but on the other, it may imply Hayden is coming back. Anna says they don’t know what the case is, and asks if Violet has questioned him recently. He says, it’s been a while, and she says, from what she sees, Violet is a wise little person (aw!), sorting through what she thinks might have happened. When she’s ready, she’ll ask. He hopes he knows what to say when she does. We flash back, going down Hayden Memory Lane. Finn sitting with her at the MetroCourt, and telling her that he had a breakthrough in his research; Finn asking her to leave a toothbrush at his place, and kissing her; Griff telling them, the test results say she’s pregnant; Finn telling her that he wants to be family with her and the baby, and proposing; Finn finding out she’s Rachel Berlin, and asking why she didn’t tell him that she was in trouble. He loves her, and she got him through addiction. Why didn’t she let him help her through this? We move to Elizabeth telling Finn that Hayden is gone; Hayden writing the letter, telling Finn that the baby didn’t survive; Finn seeing her again, when she returned to Port Charles; Curtis asking if Finn thinks the child is alive; Hayden bringing Violet to the hospital, and telling Finn that she’s his daughter; Finn confronting Hayden, and saying he wants to be a part of Violet’s life; Finn telling Hayden that he’s her daddy, and explaining that he and her mommy were so in love, they made a baby; Finn introducing Violet to Anna, and thanking her for accepting Violet. We see Finn reading Hayden’s letter, telling him that she’s leaving Violet with him, and not to come after her, but to make sure Violet knows her mother loves her. We move to Finn and Violet pulling on the Thanksgiving wishbone, and Finn telling Violet that she’s his wish.

Anna tells Finn, of course (🍷) he’ll know. It’s a beautiful party. Just enjoy it, and let everything else go for now. Charlotte comes out with the piñata, and Finn asks where she’s going with it. She says she’s keeping it safe, and asks if it’s time yet. He says, almost, and Anna says she’ll gather the children. He takes the piñata from Charlotte, and she says, be careful. He doesn’t want any candy to fall out.

Um… wouldn’t it feel different? Like a different weight, and moving around?

Tomorrow, Chase says it’s Willow’s decision, Maxie asks Robert if Peter hasn’t suffered enough, and Charlotte tells Danny, there’s going to be a good surprise.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I wasn’t going to even watch this season, after these horrible women drove my beloved Lisa from the show (and Giggy with her), but my curiosity over Denise’s friendship with Brandi coming back to bite her in the ass – both figuratively and possibly literally – was piqued. So I decided to do a minicap on this one.

I was eating dinner as I watched this, and even before the opening credits I wanted to stab a couple of them with my fork. I could feel my hand tightening around it. I have to say though, new girl – actress, mom of twin eleven-year-old boys, and friend of Denise – Garcelle Beauvais might just give them a run for their money. I have the feeling she’s not going to take their bullsh*t. After moving to NYC from Haiti at age seven, she said she could handle anything, even those damn Housewives. Useless trivia: she learned to speak English from watching Sesame Street.

The women went to New York Fashion Week (hey, you, get out of my city) for Kyle’s first show as a designer. Needless to say, our jeans and T-shirt girl, Denise, was less than enthusiastic. Speaking of Kyle, at the last reunion, she was lauded as queen, since LVP wisely left, and it showed in her narcissism attitude. After checking into their swank NYC hotel, they took a side trip to New Jersey (get out! get out!), and went to Shakers, a strip club where Erika used to work, although they were really more go-go girls than strippers, and the dancing was a real snooze. Erika wasn’t sure if the group was going to be accepting or judgmental. I guess she’s never seen this show before, because they’re usual response is to pretend to be the former, while being the latter for real. At lunch, we found out that Charlie Sheen was once again being a d-bag, taking Denise to court because he no longer wanted to pay child support. Erika immediately called Tom, who volunteered to go with her, but Denise didn’t want to deal with it. In her interview, she said she knew Charlie best, and would deal with her own family in her own way.

Kyle met with friend Domenico Dolce (from the Dolce side of Dolce & Gabbana), who has more money than God, and LisaR met with friend Sutton Stracke, also as loaded as the Lord, but apparently with no taste in clothing. Wanting to show LisaR the latest Dolce & Gabbana bra, she wore a sheer pink blouse over it, along with rainbow sequined shorts. Possibly something I would have worn to RHPS in the days when I went to the midnight movie, but anywhere else? <shakes head vehemently> While the cat was away, Mauricio had an agency party in L.A. When Kyle tried to call, he didn’t pick up, and she said he was probably drunk or stoned. It’s probably the only way he can deal with an association to any of these people.

Sutton joined the group for dinner, and while I wasn’t impressed with her day outfit, in a simple black dress, she outshone Kyle wearing a baggy sequined jumpsuit, and Erika, who looked like she was wearing a man’s black shirt, her dress barely covering her cheeks. Really it didn’t, since they were peeking out like she was wearing booty shorts. She informed Sutton that it was from Rhianna’s Fenty line, and in her interview, Sutton said that if God had collaborated with Tom Ford on the dress, it would still have been just as meaningless to her. A breath of fresh honesty. Dorit also carried the Jacquemus mini bag, which I find both adorable, and horrifying, since I can’t believe someone would pay almost 500 bucks for it, when there are people who can’t afford to eat.

Kyle was definitely clueless when it came to a runway show, not even recognizing her own samples, and Dorit stepped in to help her out. In her words, saving Kyle’s fashion show from Kyle. There was no one to save us from the clothes though, some of which were okay, but mostly reminded me of something a matronly woman would wear on a cruise. Sorry Kyle. All of the women were in the show, but no one can ever rival Ramona on the runway with her robotic look. Dorit complained that she got rewarded with clown shoes after bailing Kyle out. Teddi, who we found out was pregnant, had running commentary in her head, reminding herself not to walk in the way Kyle had imitated last season. Kyle also shouted directions from the wings, which didn’t seem very professional. Paris and Nicky Hilton also stopped by for a photo op, which Kyle hoped would boost the brand.

At the end of the show, Kyle said, everyone was so happy that day, it’s hard to imagine how terrible everything would become. Then the text said, Denise stopped filming in December, and a headline about a passionate affair between Denise and Brandi was shown. We saw Denise sit down, and a producer asked if she’s ready to talk.

FYI, after the fire and an extended period of living in hotels, Denise and Aaron are still not settled, but they are still having sex every day.

Best quote of the night, Garcelle in saying, it’s always time for a shot.

🦘 Calling It a Night While It’s Still Night…

Yesterday, it was late to bed, early to rise, and I’d like to even that out just a little. So leaving you with this oddly appropriate scene from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which features a didgeridoo. It’s possibly my favorite scene from the film. I love the mesh of cultures. Stay safe. You know the drill.

April 14, 2020 – Nelle Threatens Valentin, We Gather Here Today Once Again, Evidence Comes Together & Delayed


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Violet tells Anna that her daddy got a bouncy castle for the party. Anna says it’s a beautiful day for it, and Finn says he also ordered nice weather. Robert comes in, and says, there’s a delivery that needs a signature. Finn asks if it’s a piñata, but Robert says, it’s a pony, and it sneezed on him. Anna says, a pony? and Finn says, for riding.

Maxie closes her laptop, and Peter gives her a cup of coffee. He says he’s heading to Anna’s to help set up for Violet’s birthday party. Maxie says, Finn went all out, and Peter says, it’s the first party Finn has been able to celebrate with his daughter. Plus, her mom won’t be there. Maxie says, a distraction. She’ll meet him there after. He says, after what? and she says, the eruption of Mount Lulu.

Willow reads to a child in the hospital, and he falls asleep. She says he must be tired; they were just getting to the good part. A woman looks through the window, and Willow tells him, sleep well. She comes out, and his mother thanks her for reading to him. It’s always the highlight of his day. Willow says, hers too. They didn’t finish, so she’d be happy to come back tomorrow. His mother says they’re moving him to hospice tomorrow. It’s time. Willow hugs her.

On the phone with Diane, Michael says, next week? What are the chances he gets what he wants?… Is there a way to increase the numbers?… Besides that. He says he’ll think it over. Sasha brings him coffee, and asks if he can fill her in the other side of the conversation. He says the hearing date was moved up to next week, and his chances of full custody are slightly better than 50%. She says, unless he marries Willow, and he says, then it goes up. I have to say it. Wouldn’t the court find it odd and suspicious if he suddenly married someone he doesn’t have that kind of relationship with? I’m not so sure that would go in his favor.

Anna tells Robert, maybe Finn went a little overboard. Violet and Finn come back in, and Violet says the pony’s name is Fletcher. Robert asks if he sneezed on her too. She says, no, and asks if they can keep him. Anna says, can they? and Finn says she’s not helping. She says she’s just getting in the mood with some excitement, and Finn suggests Roxie might get jealous. Violet says, Roxie has to put on her party hat, but Finn isn’t sure if Roxie likes hats. They go upstairs, and Robert asks why Anna asked him there early. She says she thought he’d want extra time with Fletcher. She heard Obrecht was extradited, and she was hoping the whole thing was over now. Let Peter move on in peace.

Maxie tells Peter, she has to tell Lulu that she’s working for Deception, and Valentin is bankrolling it. Peter says, there’s nothing wrong with her working there, and she says they know that, but Lulu, not so much. Valentin is still Charlotte’s father, and Charlotte loves and needs her dad. Lulu is so blinded with rage, she can’t see that. Peter says, it’s crazy. Valentin is more reasonable with gritting his teeth and co-existing. Maxie says, he’d do anything for Charlotte, even play nice, and Peter asks if she’s thought of just saying that to Lulu. She asks if he’s insane.

In the hallway at the MetroCourt, Nelle asks if Valentin’s got a minute. He thinks it’s best they’re not seen together, and she says, the Quartermaines have no idea he’s moving in on their family money. He suggests they keep their voices down, and she says, it’s because of her generosity, and he asks what she wants. She says he’s acting like they’re not in the same position. He’s fighting for his daughter, and she’s fighting for her son.

Chase tells Willow that he saw her outside with the boy’s mother. Is she okay? She says, she’s fine, but Steven is terminal. His mother told her that they’re moving him to hospice. He says, he’s so sorry, and she says, it’s a mom thing. Steven’s mother is wired to comfort and take care of him. All the time she has with her son, every moment is precious. She was wondering what she would do if Wiley’s life was on the line and she didn’t have a say. She doesn’t think she could stand it.

Sasha tells Michael, it seems straightforward to her. He has to marry Willow. He says before they go further with the conversation, she needs to know he loves her, and whatever decision he makes moving forward doesn’t take away from that. It’s a strategy. She says she knows. He loves Wiley, and Willow does too. Sasha couldn’t love him if he was willing to jeopardize Wiley’s life to hang on to her. She couldn’t look at herself in the mirror either. It has nothing to do with how they feel, and everything to do with Wiley. He’s all that matters. He says she has no idea how much that means to him that she understands. She says he’d do anything for Wiley; so would she. And so would Willow. He says, if Chase wasn’t in the picture, he’d promise he and Sasha would be together one day, and ask Willow to marry him, but Chase is in the picture, so it can’t happen. Sasha says, there’s got to be a way.

Willow tells Chase, she’s being ridiculous. Why would she have a say? Michael is Wiley’s dad, and he makes the decisions. He can handle anything, assuming Nelle doesn’t get in the way. Chase says, that’s assuming a lot. Since Willow is there, why not see Wiley? She asks if he doesn’t think she’s obsessive and hovering, but he thinks she’s incredible. He knows Wiley would love to see her; he always does. She says he’s amazing. She loves him so much. He says he loves her too, and she asks if he wants to come. He says he’s got work to do, and to give Wiley a fist bump for him. When she’s gone, Chase gets on the phone.

Michael tells Sasha, Willow’s not available. She’s in love with Chase, and he’s in love with her. They’re amazing, and have been incredibly supportive, but they have a life together. He can’t ask them to put it on hold because of his custody fight. Nelle isn’t going anywhere, and it’s not like they could be married for two months and get a quiet annulment. Sasha says, Nelle would be all over that, and he says, she’d drag him back to court. It wouldn’t have to be forever, but it would be a while. Sasha has been amazing, being down with that. She has no idea how grateful he is, but that’s them, not Willow and Chase. She says she understands, but thinks he has to give Willow the choice. He can’t make the decision for her. Sasha’s phone dings, and she sees a text from chase. I need to see you. The MetroCourt restaurant. Don’t tell Michael. She tells Michael, it’s a minor crisis, but Lucy is freaking out. He tells her, go, and she says she’ll be back as soon as she can.

Valentin tells Nelle, he thinks they’re done, but she says, they’re just getting started. She says, they don’t have to be enemies. She can be a friend; more than that. She could be surprisingly good for him. He says he passes, and she says she may be forced to make trouble for him then.

On the phone with Charlotte, Lulu says she has to meet Maxie before she picks Charlotte up, but watch her phone. She’ll text Charlotte before she leaves. Charlotte has to get dressed for Violet’s party… She’s going. It’s not up for debate… Who’s going to be there? Georgie, Aiden, Avery… Yes, and Avery’s mother. She’d appreciate it if Charlotte would be polite. Enjoy her ride, and watch her phone.

Maxie tells Peter, when Nina and Valentin imploded, she was relieved not to be involved in their family disfunction, gritting her teeth and placating Nina. Lulu was sitting in judgement, but it all went away when Nina kicked Valentin to the curb. Yay. But now she’s working for him. He’s a silent partner, but their paths are bound to cross. She thinks Lulu makes things more difficult than they need be. What’s weird is, no one is more obsessed with their father than Lulu. She hero worships him. When Lulu was a kid, she was willing to travel the world, or jump off a cliff for him, but there were plenty of people who disapproved of him. Peter says, so he’s not that different from Valentin, and she says, you’d think Lulu would realize that Valentin’s daughter feels the same way as Lulu does about her own dad. She thanks him for letting her get it all out. She doesn’t want to vent to Lulu. There will be a huge, pointless fight that’s no good for anyone. She says she’ll see him later, and he tells her, good luck. She says she’s going to need it.

Anna tells Robert, she and Finn almost broke up over his mistrust of Peter. Then hard evidence surfaced that it was Obrecht, and Finn was reassured. He’s happy; let them be happy. He asks if she thinks he wants her unhappy, and she says she thinks he’s like a dog with a bone when it comes to Peter. Let Violet have her birthday, and let Finn be content. Don’t go digging around to fire things up again. It was Obrecht. She believes it, the WSB believes it, and soon, the Hague will believe it. Let the whole thing be over. He says he’s not saying another word. He’ll be the vison of politeness, but mutual co-existence is the best he can manage. Finn asks if he’s interrupting, and Robert says they were just remembering a party where they got Robin a pony, and she loved it. Somehow it got in the house. She says Robert left the door open. He says, it messed on the rug, but Robin loved it. Anna says, like Violet will. Finn asks if the clown arrived, and Robert says, he got there fifteen minutes ago.

Anna answers the door to Peter, and says she’s glad he could make it. He asks if Violet is excited, and she says, that’s an understatement. Violet runs in, and asks them to come outside and watch her ride the pony. Peter too. Robert says he has to double-check the balloons; could Peter help him? Anna asks if they’re sure they can play nice. When the rest go outside, Peter says Robert called him Peter. Is that a sign?

Maxie meets Lulu at the MetroCourt, and Lulu says she’s in a hurry. She has to pick Charlotte up, and get her home and dressed before Violet’s party. Maxie asks if Charlotte is still into riding, and Lulu says she had to put her foot down; Charlotte was spending so much time with Butterscotch. Valentin got the horse for her. Maxie says, funny Lulu should mention Valentin. As it turns out, she’s going to be working with him.

Valentin tells Nelle, he’s been thinking about the documents he forged to help her escape with Michael’s son. She says, her son, and he says, if the results of her machinations come to light, he’ll side with the father who’s trying to protect his son. She suggests he not piss her off, and he tells her not to jeopardize the child, or he’ll be forced to choose sides, and he doesn’t like her much to begin with.

Willow tells Michael, she hit the jackpot. She got to kiss Wiley as he was drifting off to sleep. He asks if Wiley did the cute ear tug thing, and she says, who needs a pacifier when you’ve got cute lobes? Sorry. He says, for what? She says she feels like she snuck in and stole the moment from him. He says he spends tons of time with Wiley; it’s all good. Since she agreed to testify, he thinks he should tell her, the hearing date was moved up to next week. She says, wow. What did Diane say? He says she thinks his chances would be better if he was married to her.

Robert tells Peter, that he would have loved to have found proof that Peter was a murderer and his father’s son, but frankly, it’s not there. He was wrong, and he’s admitting it. Peter appreciates that, and Robert says, everything points to Obrecht. It’s her modus operandi. She held Robert’s daughter captive; she held him captive. It had be her. He wasn’t convinced before because he didn’t want it to be true, but now he knows it is. Obrecht is on her way to the Hague, and he’s on board with that. Peter isn’t sure what to say, and Robert says, they’ll never be best buds, but he feels a mutual co-existence is manageable. Peter says it sounds good to him. Anna comes in, and asks if everything is all right. Robert says, peachy. He’s going out to see Violet in action. He leaves, and Peter says Robert claims to accept he’s innocent. Should he believe him?

Lulu says, sorry; what? and Maxie says she quit her job at Crimson, and landed at Deception with Sasha and Lucy. She’s excited. It’s more money, and even better, she’s on an equal footing with Lucy, and they’ll make executive decisions together. Lulu says, first, congratulations, but what does it have to do with Valentin? Maxie says, he’s a silent partner; it’s an angel investor thing. Lulu says, how? In what universe would Valentin team up with Lucy? Maxie says, this universe. She’s not sure how it went down, but Lucy said without Valentin, Deception would have been a non-starter. Lulu says Maxie can’t get involved with Valentin. He’ll do something terrible; double-cross her or worse. No one is less trustworthy. Where did the money come from? It was probably stolen. Maxie needs to walk away while she still can. Maxie says she’s not asking permission. She’s letting Lulu know, as a courtesy, what’s happening with her.

Valentin wants Nelle to get it straight. He forged the documents because it was beneficial to him to get her ELQ shares. Don’t think it didn’t bother him that Nelle wanted to escape with Michael’s son. She says, her son, and he says he could have given them her location, but it wasn’t necessary. Now he has the shares and the documents. Stay out of his way, and don’t make trouble, or he’ll end her dog and pony show. She says, so he’s going the enemy route, and he says, there’s no other option. She says, there could have been. He’s going to regret it. He tells her, don’t bet on it. Have a nice day.

Chase tells Sasha, so the best chance for Michael to keep Wiley would be to marry Willow, and she says, that’s where they’re at. He asks how she feels about it, and she says, not awesome. She loves Michael. She thinks there’s a chance he could be the one, under other circumstances. But under these circumstances, Michael has a kid with a psycho mother. Chase says, and she wants Michael to get Wiley away from his psycho mother, more than she wants him for herself. She says she does.

Michael hopes he didn’t put Willow on the spot, but she says, no. She asked, and Diane is insanely smart. If she thinks marrying her is the tipping point… He says he’s looking at it like a strategy, which is hard, since they’re human beings with feelings. It’s a little easier for him, since Sasha is on board, and supports whatever he feels is best for Wiley. Willow asks if he thinks marrying her would be best, and he says, Nelle has as much right as he does to Wiley. He can’t walk into court, and just say what a horrible person she is. It would be her legal right to do the same to him. It can’t be about proving how bad Nelle is, but what’s best for Wiley. If they’re talking strategy, and not feelings, she’s what’s best for Wiley.

Anna tells Peter, Robert will always be skeptical; that’s a fact. Peter did nothing wrong, and he’s not going to. That’s also a fact. Peter says, much to Robert’s chagrin, and she says, maybe. For all his faults, Robert is an honorable man. He’d never make anything up. She hopes, maybe in a couple of years, it will get easier. They might even like each other. He tells her, don’t hold her breath, and she says Robert is sucking it up because she asked him to. All the tension was making Finn worry, and contributed to their separation. He asks if she and Finn are good again, and she says, very good. Peter and Robert should be able to have a relationship that has nothing to do with her. They can loathe each other if they want, but they’re family, and that’s not how family acts. At least not this one. Peter says, family… and she says, he’s part of it.

Maxie tells Lulu, business is business. Is she going to Valentin’s for dinner? No. Will they be friends and bond? Lulu says, she certainly hopes not, and Maxie says, no, but Deception needed his involvement. He made Lucy an offer, and  she took the deal, and Maxie can’t argue with that. Lucy did her a huge favor by hiring her. Lulu says she thought Lucy said she wanted Maxie, and Maxie says, she did; then she didn’t. Long story. The point is, she’s there now, and so is Valentin. That’s just the way it is. Lulu says she doesn’t like it, but Maxie says, she’s not asking Lulu to like it, and doesn’t expect her to, but be real. Valentin is smart. Cassadine Industries was run into the ground when he took over. He’s the only reason the company is in the black. Lulu says, yay, and Maxie says, Valentin is a smart businessman. If he does for Deception what he did for his own company, than jackpot. Lulu says, if Maxie is honest, Valentin is the man who made Claudette disappear. Disappear disappear. Maxie says, that’s unconfirmed, and Lulu says Valentin shot her brother. Maxie says, he survived, and Lulu says, Valentin kidnapped Charlotte. Maxie says, it’s not kidnapping when you have custody, and Lulu says, he threw Ava off of a balcony. Maxie says, no one saw it, and Ava was drunk as a skunk. They can fight about it, but Lulu needs to ask herself, is it worth it to her? Because it’s definitely not worth it to Maxie. Valentin sees Lulu and Maxie talking.

Sasha tells Chase, she moved in with Michael to ward off Nelle. She loves being close to him, but it was more a necessity. Before this happened, marriage and kids weren’t even on her radar. Chase and Willow though… Chase remembers telling Willow that he has an agenda. He wants to spend more time with her as a couple, and see where things go. Is that something she wants? She says, very much, and he tells her, it’s the sort of conversation two people have when they love each other, and he loves her. She says she loves him too. He tells Sasha, Willow is the love of his life.

Michael tells Willow, it’s not just how she looks on paper; it’s how she is in person. Nelle is great at faking it, at being honest and altruistic, but Willow is all that and more. It’s like saccharine versus sugar. One tastes fine until you have the real thing. She’s the real thing, and so is her love for Wiley. He can’t say he wouldn’t love the chance to show that to the judge.

Anna says, popcorn before the party? and Finn says, Violet had to test it to make sure it’s okay. Anna says, quality control; she gets it. Violet wants her to come see the face painting and the photo booth, and drags her outside. Robert says, Violet is on cloud nine, and the party hasn’t even started. Finn did good. Finn thanks him, and tells him, come on. Finn asks if Peter is coming, but Peter says he has to make a quick call. Finn asks if Robert is going to get his face painted, and Robert says he could be persuaded. Finn says, princess or unicorn? They leave, and Peter makes a call. He says, it’s him. Robert may still be a problem. He wants to move for the distraction.

Lulu tells Maxie, she hates this, but gets it. She promises that Valentin’s involvement is for the same reason he bought Charlotte a horse. He wants to make himself look good to Maxie, the way the horse makes him look good to Charlotte. He’s always trying to show her up. My, she is self-focused. Maxie says, so much of it is in Lulu’s head, and Lulu says Valentin gave Charlotte unlimited access to his credit card. Maxie says, wow, and Lulu says, no wow. Charlotte could go to a jewelry store, and get a $10K necklace, and not bat an eye. Maxie tells her not to give Valentin more power by letting him come between them. She’s not resigning from her job. Lulu says, fine. Obviously, she doesn’t want to give Valentin more power or fight with Maxie. For the record, she’s happy for Maxie; she deserves it and she’s going to crush it. She loves Maxie. Maxie says she loves Lulu too, and Lulu says she has to pick up Charlotte. Maxie says, perfect timing; she has to get Georgie and James. They leave as Valentin watches.

Chase tells Sasha, you know something crazy? He was thinking about forever with Willow, only a month and a half in. When he’s with her, he’s home. Sasha says it’s not like they had it easy, and he says, no, but through all the struggle and hardship, watching Willow navigate it, made him love her more. Sasha says they have a right to be happy. As messed up and complicated as the custody situation is, it’s not his problem to solve.

Michael says he’s sorry for putting it on Willow; it’s not fair. If not for Chase, he’d marry her in a heartbeat. Willow thinks Chase loves her enough, that for Wiley’s sake, he would understand, but it’s not about Chase; it’s about her. Does that make her selfish? He says, not at all, and she says, if this is the only way, she’ll do it. Michael says, it’s not the only way. If it was, he’d throw himself on her mercy, offer her a million dollars, whatever it took; but he’s got the best lawyer in the state, and more assets at his disposal than Nelle. He can beat her. Willow asks if he promises that he’s not looking at her feelings instead of Wiley’s. He says he promises.

Chase asks where Michael’s head is at, and Sasha says, they talked about it, and she thinks he’s willing to marry Willow. He’s a good strategist, and knows how to put his feelings aside to get the outcome he wants. Willow isn’t like that. She’s not calculating like Michael, and she doesn’t mean that in a negative way. Chase says, Michael’s sole focus is on his son as it should be, and Sasha says, Willow can’t compartmentalize like that; she can only follow her heart. Chase says, so Michael would want to marry Willow? and Sasha says, she thinks the only reason he wouldn’t is out of respect for Chase and Willow. He knows how much they love each other. Chase says, he doesn’t know how Willow could be happy for the rest of her life if Nelle got custody of Wiley, and she knew she could have stopped it, but didn’t.

Tomorrow, Olivia says she hasn’t given up, Lulu tells Ava that she doesn’t want her daughter in the middle of this feud, and Sonny says somebody else needs a heads up.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi looks for ranch dressing, and Tom says he’s never gotten into ranch on pizza. This has never been more relevant to be, when I got fried mushrooms over the weekend from the local pizza place, and it came with ranch. I was like, WTF? Where’s the marinara sauce? In Katie’s interview, she says their wedding in the woods was everything, but now they have all their friends there for a fun weekend. When life hands you lemons, get married in Vegas. Both Tom and Stassi want to officiate, and they decide to do it together. Stassi asks if Tom is pissed, but he says no. In her interview, she says, it’s simple algebra. Her love for Katie and Schwartz outweighs her distain for Tom. Schwartz says, it’s going to be a fun, gimmicky Vegas wedding. He wants to give Katie another ring, and Stassi says she can’t even get one.

Scheana, Charli, and Danica go out for drinks. Danica says she woke up with red velvet cake all over her, and Charli says she did too. Scheana says, the only people allowed to touch her face are her makeup artist and Botox tech. She can’t go to the wedding, since she’s having surgery. She’s been hormonal, emotional, and sick. In her interview, she says tomorrow is her egg retrieval. It’s an emotional process. We flash back to her whining to Lala about doing it alone. Danica says she saw Scheana talking to Dayna, and wonders what’s up. Scheana says, it was a misunderstanding. The only thing that bothered her was that Dayna thought she liked Brett, but went out on a date with him, and told her afterward. She’d talked to Max, and he was cool about the Brett and Dayna thing, telling her it was just a casual lunch. Charli asks if Brett and Max aren’t best buddies.

At TomTom, Max shows Brett how to make some cocktails. In Brett’s interview, he says he’s not cut out to be a server, but he’s a great bartender, since he’s good at talking to people. Max says, Dayna loves espresso, and Brett can make it for her. Brett says he and Dayna made out at the party, but they didn’t plan it. He asks if it’s cool with Max, since he likes hanging out with Dayna. Max says, whatever, which usually means it’s not so cool. He says, if there’s a connection there, he can’t take that away. Brett says, if Max said he was overstepping, it would be a done deal.

Charli wonders if Brett is going around the restaurant, dating everyone. In her interview, she says she’s learned two things since moving to L.A. Everyone bangs everyone else, and they don’t care, and for men, a vagina has no face. She asks, who’s next? Lisa?

While shoe shopping, Lisa tells Ken about Brett saying he’d rather make out with her, and we flash back to that. Puffy! She asks if Ken is jealous, but he says, is she joking? He’s not going to be jealous of a whippersnapper. She says, for that, he’s buying her shoes, and she asks for the most expensive pair. The clerk shows her a pair of Vuittons, but she already has them in black, and tells him, keep going. She tells Ken that Tom and Katie are coming with them on the plane. They went through a lot to get them married, and when she found out it was null and void, she wants to see them do the paperwork this time. Now they’ve invited a bunch of others. In her interview, In her interview, she says, if she has to yank Schwartz down the aisle, they’re getting it done. She tells Ken Nick Alain is coming to Vegas, and they’re going over the plans for the Vanderpump Suite. In Lisa’s interview, she says the Vanderpump Cocktail Garden is a roaring success, so Caesar’s asked her to create a Vanderpump Suite. She’s loving the shoes, and tells Ken to get her out of there asap.

On the private plane, Tom says, this is legit, and Schwartz says, it’s too much. He asks if Lisa and Ken do this all the time, and Lisa wants to reiterate they’re to just have fun and seal the deal. He dropped the ball the last time, and Katie says Schwartz is just barely out of the doghouse. Lisa says at her house, the doghouse is a good place to be. Puffy! In Schwartz’s interview, he says, Puffy’s got it made.

In Vegas, Lisa and Ken check into the suite they’ve stayed in before, which will be the one they’re redesigning. The key has Lisa’s picture on it. The others arrive, and Lala is wearing a sheer duster. I love those.

At SUR, Dayna polishes the glasses, and Scheana says, it’s like déjà vu. Dayna asks if she’s working, but Scheana says she has her egg retrieval surgery tomorrow, and wants to get her pay in case she’s out for a few days. Dayna says they talked about the Brett situation, but Scheana went to Max and riled him up. He was fine before he talked to Scheana. Scheana says Brett thought it was just a casual lunch, but she’s sorry for commiserating with Max instead of having an adult conversation with Dayna. She owed that to her. Dayna says all she wants is for them to be real about what they’re thinking and feeling. She accepts Scheana’s apology, and wants to move on. In Dayna’s interview, she says Scheana is a goddam space cadet, but she appreciates the apology. She asks if Scheana is okay now, and Scheana says, 100%. She had a crush on Brett in the beginning, but they’re better as friends. She asks if Dayna is going hang out with Brett again, and Dayna says they’re having dinner with James and Raquel tomorrow. She tells Scheana, good luck with her egg retrieval.

Randall says, legally, this is a real wedding, and Lala says she’s excited. He asks if she thinks it’s going to trigger Stassi, and says Lala and Stassi have a lot in common. Lala says she’s tired of being a girlfriend; the girlfriend of a 47 year old man. In her interview, she says, when a man is in the 40 something range, he’s too old be a boyfriend. Leo DiCaprio should be a husband. She tells Randall, he’s too old to be a boyfriend.

Stassi and Tom work on the ceremony. Stassi says, they’re gathered here today, and Tom says, once again. Stassi suggests Tom and Ariana could get married there. In Ariana’s interview, she says, in this summer of weddings, it’s been nice to not constantly have to talk about if they’re getting married. She thanks Stassi for bringing it back up. Tom says Ariana still has to be convinced.

Brittany wants to get married again, and Jax says, absolutely not. In her interview, Brittany says, marrying Jax was special because it made them family. She wants that for Schwartz and Katie. Without that paper, they could easily part ways. Brittany questions Jax wearing a white jacket, but he says, it’s a bizarre situation. He doesn’t think there are any rules.

Schwartz loves his fringed jacket, and tells Katie, you know what else he loves? She says, her? and he pulls a bra out of his suitcase, saying, this bra. She says, it’s not hers. In his interview, Schwartz says he has no idea how it got in his suitcase. He tells Katie, she took the suitcase last time, but Katie says, WTF? This is not hers. She takes the bra, and ponders it.

Beau has a beer, and calls Stassi’s father Mark. He drinks more beer, and tells Mark that they’re in Vegas. In Beau’s interview, he says he definitely knows Mark speaks his mind. We flash back to them meeting, and Stassi saying she’s afraid Mark is going to scare Beau off. Mark says, it’s a father’s job to scare boyfriends off. Beau says, he’s intimidating. He tells Mark that he’s asking permission to propose to Stassi, and Mark says he was apprehensive when they first started going out. You don’t always know if it’s a perfect fit. He tells Beau, of course he can propose. He thinks they balance each other out, and make a great couple. He’s pleased. Beau says it means a lot, and he’ll make a good son-in-law when it happens. Mark says he can’t promise Stassi will make a good wife. Beau says, burn. He’s going to let her know Mark said that. He thanks Mark, and drinks some more.

Nick arrives, and Lisa says they’re going to meet with general manager Sean. Their ambition is to make the suite look more Vanderpumpian. She says Sean is the most handsome man she’s ever seen. He joins them, and he’s handsome, but I don’t know if he’s the most handsome. She shows him some photos, and says Nick is going to create a chandelier; his forte is lighting. In Lisa’s interview, she says it’s going to be top-of-the-line. Dignitaries, royalty, and movie stars will be staying there, but most important, she and Ken will stay there. Sean tells them that the restaurant surpassed expectation. Pretty soon, they’ll have 4000 Vanderpump rooms.

Charli asks Raquel how she and James are doing, and Raquel says, well. James is doing well on the path of sobriety, and it turns her on. In her interview, she says she doesn’t want to say the sex is better, because it wasn’t bad, but it’s not sloppy drunk sex, and wondering if it’s going to work or not. Raquel asks Charli if things are cool with Brett, and Charli says, as a friend. She thought she’d have a guy friend who didn’t want to bang her, but Raquel says, if you have guy friend, he’s 100% going to want to bang you. It doesn’t work any other way.

In Vegas, everyone goes to Lisa’s restaurant. Katie says, it’s Schwartz’s last night of freedom. Their waitress could be Scheana’s double, and Jax says he thought it was Scheana. In Stassi’s interview, she says, it’s definitely a Black Mirror episode. She feels like the waitress is going to jump on the bar, and sing Sweet As Silver. It is an uncanny resemblance.

Kristen visits Scheana, and asks how the surgery went. Scheana says she doesn’t know. The first time, she had nine good eggs, but even if there’s only one, she’s never doing this again. In her interview, Scheana says they do the retrieval in under five minutes, but she has to wait to find out if any of them are viable. She tells Kristen that Katie texted, saying she wished Scheana was there, and Kristen says she doesn’t want to accidentally hit any of their stories. In Kristen’s interview, she says, it’s effing devastating. It was ride or die with her two best friends, but now they keep going through huge life moments without each other. She tells Scheana that her feelings are hurt, but she can’t take the fighting. Happy wedding. Good Lord, find some new friends already.

Schwartz tells Jax about the bra. In his interview, he says he’s definitely innocent. He has a clear conscience and nothing to hide. Lisa tells Katie that she put some of her underwear in Schwartz’s suitcase. He didn’t file the paperwork, and everyone always says he’s never held accountable for anything. Now he’ll be held accountable for something he didn’t do (a scathingly brilliant idea). In Katie’s interview, she says she wants to see Schwartz sweat and be uncomfortable. She’s going to see how long she can keep it going. Lisa tells the Scheana clone to keep away from Max. She laughs, and Lisa says, she even laughs like Scheana. Max says, she’s like a mini Scheana, and Lisa asks about Dayna. He says she and Brett made out, and Lisa asks if Brett is stepping on any toes. Max says, he’s frustrated, but it is what it is. In Max’s interview, he says he supported Brett and Dayna’s friendship, but told Brett that he had feelings for Dayna. Tom suddenly announces they’re going ziplining, and tries to get Lisa to go. She says she’s already had a couple of drinks.

We see Lisa being hooked up to the zipline. She says she hasn’t done this since her honeymoon. Everyone ziplines, and it looks like a lot of fun. Lisa says she survived.

Katie tells Schwartz the bra isn’t hers, and she doesn’t know if she can marry him now. He flops face down on the bed and moans. She says she’s just screwing with him. He says they have to figure out whose bra it is, and she asks whose bra he wishes it was. He says, Lisa’s, and she laughs. She says, Lisa put it in his suitcase yesterday. In Katie’s interview, she says Lisa is Schwartz’s hall pass. Go for it, and good luck. He tells her that he smelled it, and doesn’t want to give it back. In his interview, he says Katie had him for a second. It was the best prank. He tells Katie he wants to keep it, but not in a weird way. She says, there is no other way.

Danica visits Dayna, who’s going through some new clothes she bought online. In Dayna’s interview, she says, it’s hard to be a sexy girl in L.A. on a budget. She goes for cheap, slutty clothes, so it’s a win-win. Danica asks, what’s going on with Brett? and Dayna says they kissed during the cake fight. She doesn’t know what’s going on, but he makes her vagina tingle. The other issue is Max. Danica thinks he’s immature, but doesn’t think Brett is the person for Dayna either. She deserves better. In Danica’s interview, she says Dayna is a Leo and Brett is a Pisces, and they don’t mix. She slathers on some lip gloss, and says she’s dated two Pisces. She’s a Leo, and that’s why she has restraining orders against her. It’s not her fault; they were too sensitive. Dayna says she appreciates Danica’s concern, and Danica says she knows Dayna has good sense and judgment, and she wants her to use it.

Tom goes to Schwartz’s suite, dressed like a poor man’s Elvis. Schwartz asks for a quarter shot. He says, Lisa’s bra smells like opulence; diamonds, rosé, and tangerines. In his interview, Tom says, the theme is bizarro character Vegas. Schwartz is cowboy glam, marrying his glam rocker bride. Ariana is an enthusiastic middle-aged tourist, Lala is a glitter babe, Stassi is a nun, and he’s the king of extra. It’s the perfect Vegas wedding.

Lisa tells Stassi that the nun outfit suits her. Ariana comes in wearing her tourist garb, and Lisa says everyone who works for her is batsh*t crazy. Katie walks down the aisle, and Tom tells everyone, be seated. They’re gathered here once again. He shows that they have the proper documents, and everyone applauds. Stassi says, it’s a twice in a lifetime event, and feels it’s all Schwartz’s fault. Stassi says, now Schwartz gets his dream wedding of all of them getting sh*tfaced in Vegas. In Jax’s interview, he says there’s nothing more on brand for Schwartz and Katie, but his and Brittany’s wedding was better. Schwartz and Katie vow to be each other’s ride or die all their lives, and in the afterlife. They’re pronounced husband and wife, and Tom says, let’s sign this sh*t right now. Katie throws the bouquet, and Stassi catches it.

Dayna and Brett go on their double-date with Raquel and James. Brett asks, what’s going on? He saw James talking to Lala. James says, Lala has had a lot of patience with him. We flash back to them hugging it out, and James says he feels like they’re coming to a real place. Raquel says Lala has been where James is, making the decision not to drink, and has been encouraging. In his interview, James says he’s been sober for two weeks, and has had no fights with anyone. It’s been an amazing two weeks. Brett reminds Dayna that he licked her face at the party, and Dayna says Danica has been messing in her business since Max, and Brett says, she overdramatizes every situation. In Brett’s interview, he says Danica has been poisoning his garden, and he only wants non-GMO things growing in there. He mentions flirting with Lisa, and James says Lisa has been like his mom, and he’s never flirted with her. In his interview, Brett says, working at SUR, he’s seen beautiful women, but there’s nothing like when Lisa walks through the room. If she wasn’t married, he’d definitely slide into her DMs. Hard. I’ll bet she’d slide him right out. Hard. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Lisa is hot.

Back in Vegas, after the ceremony, everyone applauds when Schwartz and Katie come in. Jax says he’s going to keep his speech short. He’s happy they got married a second time, and speaks for Brittany as well when he says, welcome to married life. He thanks Schwartz for effing up, so they could go to Vegas. Lisa says Schwartz owes her big time. We find out Scheana’s twin’s name is Karrah, and Max says he slipped her his number. Stassi says he’s hooking up with Scheana’s doppelganger? They toast with shots, and Beau tells Lisa that he’s proposing soon to Stassi. He’s got the rings, and she has no idea. It’s epic. In his interview, Beau says most people are nervous about the girl’s father, but he has her group of friends to make him nervous, and he has to ask Lisa. He tells Lisa that he’s going to propose in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Lisa is happy, and knows Stassi loves him. She says she knew Ken was the one because she didn’t want to spend life without him. Puffy! She knows Beau feels that way about Stassi, and promises to keep it a secret. Stassi gazes at Beau.

The next morning, Beau tells Stassi, it’s hard be a normal human. She orders a Bloody Mary from room service, using a British accent, and Beau adds an English muffin. She tells Beau that she caught the bouquet, and don’t forget it. They pack.

Lisa tells Ken, there are some liquor distributor bills that need to be sorted out, and gets Max on a video call. She asks if he paid them, and he says he did. He tells her that the other guys left the place a mess, and she tells him not to leave the room looking like a brewery; it will reflect badly on her. She asks to see the room, and says, it looks terrible; clean it up. She tells him to show her the bed again, and sees a hand peeking out. She asks, what’s with that? and he says he brought a friend home. It’s Karrah, and Max says, she’s very tired. Karrah says, she’s not tired from him; she promises. Lisa says, he’s got to be effing kidding. In her interview, she says why is she not surprised? Max didn’t waste any time getting in trouble. She tells Karrah, get out of bed and clean the room. Max says they’ll talk later, and she says, don’t worry; they will. In Max’s interview, he says he hates Vegas. Lisa tells Ken, Max is already banging the staff, as if he hasn’t banged enough people already.

Katie asks Schwartz where the paper is, and he knows he has it, but can’t find it. In her interview, she says she married an imbecile, but it’s okay. He insists there’s no chance he lost it, and she says, it’s literally the whole reason they’re there, and he couldn’t hold on to it for an hour. She’s going to tell Lisa. In his interview, Schwartz says he didn’t lose what matters most… Lisa’s bra. Katie hopes it turns up, but Schwartz says, they’re still legally married. She asks if he’s sure about that.

Next time, Dayna flirts with Brett, James and Lala record some new music, and Beau wants to remain friends with Kristen, which makes Stassi mad.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Lushion sees Ian and Alex having sex through the window, and blocks Brad’s view, telling him she’s not there. Brad says he didn’t knock, but Lushion says he remembered Ian left. Brad asks if his car isn’t there, and Lushion says, he had somebody pick him up; let’s go. Brad says Alex left the kids home with a babysitter who has to go to school tomorrow. Lushion doesn’t know what came over her, and Brad thinks she’s lost her mind. He says he’ll be at the house, and if Alex calls, let him know. He tells Lushion, Marcie thinks something happened to Alex, and Lushion says, it’s a legit question. Brad thinks nothing happened, and Alex is just mad about the divorce papers. She knew the babysitter would call him. Lushion says, these things are difficult. Wait at the house until Alex gets home. He can call, and see if Alex picks up; the kids shouldn’t be home alone. Brad says, Marcie is there. He’s sorry he got Lushion out of bed, but Lushion says, no problem.

At home, Natalie wants to know what’s going on, and Lushion says she reminds him of Miss Ross. She asks, who’s that? and he says, she was an amazing woman. He thinks she liked her scotch, and she’d sit on the porch, saying, see you don’t come on the grass. Leave the cats alone. Natalie wonders what he’s talking about, and he asks why she’s always in somebody’s business. Why does she have to know everything? She says, it’s the middle of the night, there’s a knock at their door, and she’s not supposed to ask questions? He tells her, it was Brad, and she asks what Brad wanted. She knows this is Lushion’s way of trying to ignore her. She knows him, and he does this when there’s something she should know, and he doesn’t want her to. Like with the money in his account. What’s the situation with Brad? Or does she have to ask him herself? Lushion says, he was looking for Alex, and Natalie says, she’s not home? He says, if she was home, Brad wouldn’t be looking for her. She asks if he thinks something happened, but he says, no. She asks how he knows, and suggests calling Alex, but he says, it’s not necessary. She thinks they should ask Ian, but he says, it’s none of their business. She says, something could have happened, but he says Alex isn’t missing. She’s at Ian’s house. Natalie asks why she’d be there this late, and he says, they’re having sex. Natalie says, just tell her, without the condescending bullsh*t. He says he and Brad walked over to Ian’s, and he saw them through the window having sex. Natalie says, with each other? and I wonder who else she thought they’d be having sex with. She asks if Brad saw, but he says, no. She starts to leave, but he says, no; she’s not going over there. It’s none of their business. She wants to tell Alex to take her ass home, and he says he thought about that, or talking to Ian, but it’s not their business. He’s going to sleep. She says, okay, but Alex has lost her damn mind.

Eddie has a large Black cellmate, and Eddie says, keep looking at him. His cellmate says, don’t worry, he is. Eddie calls for the guard, and dude says, they come and go every fifteen minutes. Eddie says, oh, he can count to fifteen. He talks stupid, and Eddie is tired of hearing his mouth. Black people talk stupid. Dude comes up on him, and Eddie asks why he’s waiting, all gangster. Dude says, he’ll be patient, and Eddie says he’s going to sleep, and gets in the top bunk. Dude grabs him off of the bunk, and Eddie says he’s not scared of him. Dude punches him, and Eddie laughs. Dude calls Eddie a crazy MF’er, and Eddie says, it’s what he lives for. Dude keeps punching him, and a guard comes by. He asks what the hell dude is doing, and yanks him out of the cell. Kelly asks if dude hit Eddie for her. She hopes he beats Eddie’s ass. Eddie says, he’s alive and well, and she says, it’s a shame. He says, it’s the same thing she was saying about Travis, and she tells him, go to hell. He says he’s going to sleep. If she shut the hell up, it would be great. She starts to sing Amazing Grace, and Eddie says, He ain’t coming to save her. She says, when anything happens with God, it stirs the devil. Something bad is going to happen to him. He thanks her for the revelation, and she says it’s going to be the person he least expects. He calls her Harriet, and tells her to fire up the Underground Railroad, and get her ass to sleep. She says, mark her words, and he says, goodnight. She says she feels sorry for him, and he says her ass is going to burn in the electric chair.

Marcie looks on the laptop, and tells Brad, she can’t believe all these guys. He says don’t remind him. She says they need to chat. She thinks they both need to be tested. With Alex doing all that, how could he know? She’s never had anything. Brad says, neither has he, but she thinks they should be on the safe side. Brad agrees, and she says he should take Alex back to court. She’s getting half of his income, and she’s not even taking care of the kids. She’s taking advantage of him. He says this is making him angry, and she says, he’s about be more angry. He says, don’t tell him anything else, and she gets up. She says, the baby is crying. She’ll get him. They can’t let him cry. She goes upstairs.

Marcie holds the baby, and says she’s sorry he was born into this. He doesn’t deserve this. Here he is though. No matter what anyone says to him, remember he’s special. Brad comes in, and she hands him the baby, saying, sorry. She wipes her tears away, and says, he’s so innocent and helpless. Alex is like a factory, and has a good man in her life, but she’s whoring around. Brad tells her, try to calm down, and she says she hopes the bitch is trapped in a ditch, and dead. She’s ruined every life she touches, and her marriage. Brad says, she was unhappy, and he can’t blame her for everything. What they can do is try to get through this, and move on. She says she thought they had it figured out, but… She leans on him, and he puts his arm around her. She says, he’s a beautiful baby, and Brad agrees he is.

At the bar, Nurse Pat (I finally found out her name) tells Rick, the sun is coming up. Take her home, but don’t think he’s sleeping with her. He’s not coming near her. He says he’s not ready to go, and she says, they’re closing. She’s going to call an Uber, and he says, she’s just leaving him? She says, he’s too drunk to drive, and he says they live on the same street, but she says she’s not walking. He says, it’s three blocks, and she says she’s been on her feet all day. He says they were dancing, and she says that was more on her feet. He wants one for the road, but she says he doesn’t need anything else. He says he needs her, and she says he needs a flea bath. He says, now he’s a dog too? and she says, a ho is more like it. He asks if she’s not giving him any information, and she takes an envelope out of her purse. She hands it to him, saying it’s a typed letter; it’s all she knows. He opens it, and looks at it. He says, she signed it, and thanks her. He says she had this all the time? and she says she doesn’t like Kelly, but she feels sorry for her. It’s a sworn affidavit. He says, damn, and she made him do all this? She says she wanted to see how long he would go on. He thanks her again, and she asks if he’s ready to take her home. He says, no, but he’ll walk her to the Uber. She says he was just trying to sleep with her to get information, and he says he was going to take one for the team. She says he’s an ass, and he says, she’s sexy, and they leave.

Steven stops by Kelly’s cell, and she thanks him for calling Lushion. He asks how she’s holding up, and she says, okay, except for the ass next door. He says, sorry about that, and Eddie says, come on. He’s had his fun, putting that dude in there. He’s done with this game, and still pays Esperanza’s mortgage. He’ll stop by when he wants. He says, open the damn cell door, but Steven says, not yet. He still has to process the paperwork. Eddie tells him, do what he needs to, and get him out. Steven says, get comfortable, but Eddie says he’s not playing. When he gets out, it’s going to beat Steven’s ass. Kelly and I laugh, and Eddie calls her the wicked witch. Steven says, it looks like Eddie will be there a while.

Esperanza sees Steven at the copy machine. He says, it’s a great day, and she says she loves how incredibly optimistic he is. She’s thought about what he told her, and she’s going to see someone. She’s not using the insurance, since she doesn’t want anyone to think she’s crazy. He says, asking for help isn’t crazy, but do it her way. She says she’s also going to subpoena Eddie. She’s serving him now. Steven says, it’s about time. Stand her ground; he has her back. She says he’s really patient, and thanks him.

Larry is sleeping next to his partner in leather. His wife says, good morning. He knows the rules. He says he does, and apologizes. He tells leather guy to wake up and go home. He should have been gone. She says Larry knows their agreement, and he asks how her weekend was. She says, good, and he asks who she was with. She says, Allison, and he says, she’s fun. His wife says, she’s become too needy. They have to get her off the list; she’s more trouble than she’s worth. He tells her, if she says so. She asks if leather guy can get dressed slower, and Larry says, boss lady is here; go in the other room. He leaves, and she tells Larry, Allison told her something interesting. Something happened with the church, and he should talk to Ian. Something suspicious is going on, and he should look into it. He says he’ll check it out at the office. He says leather guy was pretty good, but not as good as her. Does she want to have some fun before he leaves? She says, it would be breaking another rule, and he says, her loss. She asks if leather guy needs to be paid, and Larry says, leather guy paid him. She says, maybe they should keep him around.

Rick is sleeping on the couch, and Pat tells him, get his ass up. Why is he at her place? Did they…? He says, yeah, and she says, damn. She looks around for a condom, and says if she doesn’t find a wrapper, she’ll shoot his ass. He says they didn’t use one, and tells her, he’s joking. They didn’t have sex. She tells him, quiet. She’s communicating with her vagina. He asks what it said, and she says, okay. Her vagina said they didn’t do anything. He’d better not tell anybody. Get his sh*t and go.

Natalie tells Lushion, he needs to pick the kids up; she has to go into work. He says he thinks it’s time she quit to be a stay-at-home mom. She says she’s been working all her life, and he says, maybe it’s time for her to stop. She says then she’d have to depend on him for everything. He asks if she doesn’t trust him, and she says, it’s not that. She doesn’t want to be waiting for him to bring home a check; it doesn’t feel right. He says, it needs to start feeling right. He thinks he wants another baby. She says they have three kids, plus another kid, Justice. Is he serious? He says he is, and she says she’ll think about it. He says, so that’s a no? but she says she didn’t say that. She needs to think about it. She promises she will, and says she loves him.

Rick is waiting outside for Lushion, who says he really needs to call first. Rick says he has to bring him this, and gives him the affidavit. He says, it’s from Pat, the nurse in the jail infirmary. Lushion looks at it, and says, good. She gave him up. With what Kelly has, it’s all going to come together. They’ve got him now, and have to make sure the DA gets him.

Eddie tells the guard to bring his rookie bald ass over there. Kelly hopes he rots in there. He says, screw her, and she calls him stupid. He says she killed a man in cold blood, and they have it on camera. He says she’s a fake-ass Christian, and she says he’s not getting under her skin. He says she’s a dumb bitch, and Steven appears, and says, leave her alone. Eddie says, let him out, but Steven says he’s been charged with driving under the influence. Wait until Eddie sees what he blew. Eddie laughs, and Steven says, not that. His blood alcohol level. And there were drugs in his system. Eddie says, Steven thinks he gives a damn? Steven says he doesn’t think the DEA is going to be happy to find out. Eddie says Steven set him up, and Steven says he set himself up. Eddie is sure this is Steven and Lushion’s grand plan; it’s gang up on Eddie day. Steven says, it’s going to be gang raped when Eddie goes to prison day, and Eddie says he’s got it all figured out. Steven tells Eddie, think what he wants, and Kelly asks if Lushion is in yet. Steven says Lushion is on his way, and Kelly asks him to have Lushion come and see her right away. Steven says he will, and leaves.

Larry sees Randal digging in the trash, and laughs. Randal asks if Larry thinks it’s funny, and Larry says, not at all. Randal says, that bastard knocked him off a ladder, and destroyed his house. Larry says, sorry. Is he okay? Randal says, he wants them, and Larry asks if he has proof. Randal says he knows in his gut, and Larry says he can’t take Randal’s gut to court. Randal says he has a hard drive, but his camera is busted. Larry says he can take it to a friend who can pull what’s on it. Randal thanks him, and Larry asks where the cameras are. Randal says, hidden, and Larry says he didn’t see them. Randal says, that’s the point, and Larry says, touché. He wonders if Randal has what they did to Eddie on video; he wouldn’t be opposed to seeing it again, but Randal says he doesn’t have cameras in the house. Larry says, a hard drive can even show things Randal thinks he erased, and Randal says, maybe he shouldn’t give it to Larry. Larry asks what he’s hiding, and Randal says, nothing. Larry says, he can’t sue without evidence, and Randal tells him, go to hell. He’ll give some kid the hard drive. Larry says Randal needs all the control, and starts to walk away. Randal says, when he gets the evidence, he wants Larry to sue them, and Larry says, Randal’s wish is his command.

Eddie sings Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen, and I nearly die laughing. Esperanza goes to Kelly’s cell, and asks how she is. Kelly says, girl, and Esperanza says she knows. Kelly asks if Esperanza has seen her son, and Esperanza says she hasn’t. Kelly asks if she can go see him, and Esperanza says she will. Kelly asks if Esperanza knows who’s next door, and Esperanza says that’s why she’s there; to serve him. Kelly says, it’s going be fun, but Esperanza says, no; it’s not, but she’s finally ready. Kelly says, when she gets out, she’s going to fight like hell to take control of her life. It’s going to be a new day. Travis did this to a lot of other women, and she’s getting out. She got weak, and wondered what the hell was wrong with her, feeling sorry for herself. She didn’t do anything wrong. Travis came after her, and taunted her. All she did was defend herself. Esperanza suggests she stop talking about it in there. There’s about to be hell. She moves on to Eddie’s cell, and he says speak of the trouble he’s seen, here’s the bitch at his cell door. How did she know he was there? She says, the whole station knows. She didn’t come to talk. He asks why she’s there, and she hands him the subpoena. She says she sent a registered copy to his boss, and filed it at the courthouse. Eddie says she and Steven did this; they set him up. She says, how? and he says they got him a DUI. She says, really? Did they make him drink or do drugs? He did this sh*t all by himself. It’s done. He says, it isn’t done, and she says, this conversation is done. He says, no; she’s done. He’s going to kill this bitch. He doesn’t care how many cameras are filming him. If she takes his little girl, the only thing he loves, he’s going to kill her. She says she thinks his performance is on tape, but he says he doesn’t care. Her blood is going to be on the street. She walks away, and she and Kelly grab hands as she walks past. Eddie says Kelly’s ass is going to the electric chair, and she says, after him. He says he’s got a DUI; she’s a murderer, and they’re going to fry her ass. He tries to reach into her cell, but can’t. He says he’s only there for three days; her ass is going to be in the electric chair. He tosses the subpoena out of the cell, and yells for someone to open the damn door.

Esperanza says, Steven was listening. He says maybe he overheard. She asks if he heard Eddie say he’s going to kill her, but he tells her not to worry. She asks how long they can keep him, and he says, not long enough, but it’s okay. She’ll be fine. They can go out later, and have some fun on the range. He’ll turn her into a sharpshooter.

Ian wakes up on the kitchen island next to Alex. He tells her to wake up. She sits up, and says, what the hell? Where is she? He says, in his house, and she looks around. She asks, what the hell is going on? and he says she overslept. She asks how she got there, and what is she doing there? He says, she doesn’t remember? She came over last night. She says, no; what’s going on? She didn’t want that. Ian says, she came over, and she was drinking a lot. She says, did he just… He says, hold on, and she says he drugged and raped her. He says, no; he didn’t.

Next time, Alex tells Brad she never wanted this, Larry says they have to talk to the DA about Travis, Ian asks what Alex last remembers, Eddie grabs the Bible from Kelly, and Ian tells Randal to watch himself.

💸 A Reprieve…

At least this year, I don’t have that stomach clutch that comes just before April 15th. Even though there are a whole group of new clutches to replace it. Stay safe, and be cool, honey bunny.

April 7, 2020 – Cyrus Frees TJ, Jeff Rocks, Dayna Has a Birthday, Eddie Goes To Jail With No Pants & a Nightmare


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the beginning, but to make not very long story shorter, Cyrus has checked into the MetroCourt, and sees Carly in the restaurant. And Martin is now Nelle’s attorney in the custody case.

Nina tells Willow, the necklace is something her mom left her. Willow says, a family heirloom? Nina is fortunate. Her mother never believed in keepsake heirlooms. They always traveled light. Nina says, it’s not exactly an heirloom; more like something not fully complete. Willow asks, where’s the other half? and Nina says her mother strongly implied it’s in the hands of her biological daughter. When she found out Valentin and Sasha were scamming her, she began to doubt her daughter ever existed. Willow says she’s so sorry, and Nina says she shouldn’t have vented to Willow. She doesn’t know why she did. Willow certainly didn’t come to her for that, so what can she help Willow with? Willow says, with Nelle. They need to make sure Nelle doesn’t get Wiley.

Diane tells Sonny, Michael, and Sasha that Nelle is suing GH for medical malpractice and gross incompetence. Monica and Bobbie are also named in the suit. Sasha asks how Nelle can sue; the surgery improved Wiley’s quality of life. Diane says, Nelle claims she never signed the consent form, but Sonny says, she’s lying; it was signed. Diane says, Nelle claims it was a forgery. Because the form is apparently lost, they have no way to prove or disprove that. She doesn’t want to know the details, but it’s very convenient. Michael asks why members of his family are named, and Diane says, Monica is Chief-of-Staff, and Bobbie was the highest ranking nurse on duty that day.  She’s choosing to go after both of Wiley’s grandmothers to force Michael to compromise. Michael says he won’t be intimidated. Nelle is both a physical and mental threat to Wiley, and shouldn’t get any custody, period.

Chase sees Sam at the hospital. She says she’s there picking up a vaccination form for her daughter. He can tell her parole officer that’s why she was there, and she hasn’t seen, nor does she have plans to associate with Jason. Chase says that’s not why he’s there. TJ was just admitted. Sam flashes back to Jason telling her there’s no line Cyrus won’t cross, and that he has TJ. Sam tells Chase, great. Is TJ back to work? Chase says, he’s there as a patient. He was dropped off in front of the hospital, beaten and unconscious. Curtis and Jordan are with him now, but she might want to inform her sister. She thanks him, and says, sorry for the attitude. Curtis asks Chase, what happened? and Chase says TJ was dropped off in a van; they’re finding out what they can about it. Portia joins them, and says she’s ordered a CT scan and an MRI. TJ might have a possible concussion, but has no broken bones. Her best guess is that he was chloroformed. They’re waiting for him to wake up; it should be soon.

Curtis joins Jordan in TJ’s room. He tells her that TJ probably has a concussion, but no broken bones. She says, thank God. That monster. She’s going to kill him. Curtis tells TJ, come on. They need him to open his eyes. Jordan says, they’re there with him, and TJ’s eyes open. He asks, what happened? Why is Jordan crying? Curtis says he knows how emotional his mother gets, and Jordan says they’re happy to see him. She kisses his hand.

Carly tells Jason, she was about to call security, but Jason says, there’s no need. She says she was just explaining to Cyrus that the hotel can’t accommodate him. All the rooms are booked – indefinitely. She gets a text from Sonny, saying it’s not an emergency, but she’s needed at home, and she says she has to take this. Jason says he’ll make sure Cyrus understands hotel policy, and Carly says she’ll make sure the staff brings Cyrus’s baggage to the lobby. She leaves, and Cyrus says, Jason Morgan. This meeting is long overdue.

Cyrus tells Jason, his employees said Jason is responsible for destroying his property; the warehouse at 457 Water Street. Jason flashes back to blowing up the warehouse, and Cyrus says, his work is impressively thorough. He envies Sonny having such a competent and trustworthy associate. Jason says he heard the warehouse was a total loss, along with the merchandise. Accidents can happen, again and again. Eventually, Cyrus’s suppliers are going to realize he’s the problem. Cyrus asks if that’s what Jason is counting on. That he loses so much money his associates feel compelled to remove him? He’s bound to be disappointed.

Sam knocks on Molly’s door. Molly finally opens it, saying she was just getting in the shower. Sam says she’s been calling, but Molly didn’t pick up. Molly says she’s sorry. She forgot to charge her phone. Sam tells her, get dressed. TJ was just admitted to the hospital. He didn’t break up with her. They think he may have been kidnapped.

TJ tries to sit up, but Curtis tells him, take it easy. Portia says, try not to move around too much. He asks how he got there, and Chase says they were hoping he’d help them figure that out. He’s been missing for days. Curtis says they thought he needed time to himself after Molly turned down his proposal. TJ says, that’s not what happened, and Jordan says she got texts from him, saying he needed time alone. He says he never sent any texts, and Chase asks if he remembers where he went the night he left Molly. TJ says, he remembers he needed to blow off steam… Portia says, if he’s not up to answering, they can come back, and Curtis says, it’s his call. TJ says, he’s okay. He was going to work to get his mind off of things. He was almost back at the hospital, when he heard someone running up on him. Before he could turn around, they jumped him. They laid him on the ground, and the next thing he knew, he was in a basement tied up to a chair. Chase asks if he can ID the kidnappers.

Molly asks, who would kidnap TJ? but Sam says she doesn’t know. She ran into Chase at the hospital, and he said TJ was badly beaten and dropped off there unconscious. His mother and Curtis are with him, and she told Chase she’d notify her. She tells Molly, get dressed. She has to wait outside, since she’s double parked. Hurry up. She leaves, and Brando comes out of the bedroom. He asks, who was that? I can’t say I blame Molly. Brando is a good looking dude.

Carly calls Sonny, and says she got his text. What’s going on? He says, nothing good unfortunately. Nelle is suing GH for performing surgery on Wiley without consent. Even better, Monica and Bobbie are named in the suit to get to Michael. Carly says, that’s crazy. The surgery helped Wiley’s quality of life. Nelle should be grateful, but she’s using it as ground to sue? Sonny asks if it surprises her, and Michael says Nelle cares more about hurting him than about Wiley’s health. Diane says, what matters more is that she says the document was forged. Sasha says Michael is doing what’s in the best interest of the child, while Nelle isn’t. What could be more clear? Carly asks how they stop the suit, and Diane says she might not be able to stop it, but she might be able to render it ineffectual.

Brando asks Molly, what happened? and she says she’s sorry. It’s so complicated, and not at all his fault. He says, tell him, and she says her boyfriend was brought in to the hospital. He says, she has a boyfriend? and she says she didn’t tell him because she thought he’d dumped her, but he was kidnapped. (Welcome to Port Charles, Brando!) His mom is the Police Commissioner, and she guesses he was targeted. She should have known he wasn’t ghosting her. Now he’s at the hospital, where he was dumped off, beaten and unconscious. She has to be with him. She struggles to put her boots on, and says, dammit! He tells her, take a breath, and she says he’s been great, and nothing is his fault. What happened was a complete mistake. He says he sees, and she says, it never happened. Got it? She’s sorry, but she’s got to go. She asks him to show himself out, and jets.

Willow tells Nina, Wiley was born with a heart defect. The hope was that it would improve over time, but it didn’t. He had a procedure that definitely helped, but he’s going to need another one in a few months. For some unfathomable reason, Nelle refuses to consent. If Nelle gets even joint custody, it will put Wiley’s life at risk. Nina says she’s sorry, and Willow says she knows how much Charlotte means to Nina. If Charlotte’s mother refused a procedure that would save her life, she knows Nina would do anything to make sure Charlotte was okay. Nina says, Crimson can’t do a piece on Nelle; she’s not a public figure. Willow says, there has to be some way, and Nina says she’s not the only one concerned about Nelle. We have some things in the works. Willow says, we? Like what? Nelle comes in with coffee, and Willow asks what she’s doing there. Nelle says she was about to ask the same thing, but Willow says she beat Nelle to it. Nelle says she works there. She’s Nina’s new assistant.

Jason tells Cyrus, by now, his luggage should be at the curb, waiting. Cyrus wonders if he’ll be allowed to reach the street, or is he going to meet with an unfortunate accident on the way down? Jason says he shouldn’t have come there, and shouldn’t come back. Cyrus asks him to kindly relay a message to Sonny. He’s not going anywhere. Jason says, it’s time for Cyrus to go, and Cyrus smiles.

Carly has joined the others at Sonny’s, and Diane says, if Michael is granted sole custody, the lawsuit will look frivolous and vindictive. Sonny’s phone rings, and he says, everyone knows Diane is brilliant. Do whatever she can to make sure Nelle gets nowhere near his grandson. Diane says, if only it was that simple, and Carly asks what she’s going to do. Diane says she’s going to petition the court to move the date of the custody hearing, using Wiley’s health as a concern, and who makes the final decisions about his medical care. Michael asks if she thinks they’re prepared, and he says, short of him marrying the perfect woman with a spotless past – she tells Sasha, sorry – he looks as good as any single man can as a father. The closer they are to Nelle attempting to skip town, the better they look. Michael tells her to pull the trigger, and Diane says she’s on her way. She leaves, and Sasha says, it’s so unfair; Nelle making Michael choose between Wiley and his grandparents. Michael says it will only make them want to protect Wiley more. Carly can’t believe Nelle dragged in Bobbie and Monica in a vendetta against her. That’s how it started. What better way to hurt the people she loves, but they’re adults; Wiley is just a little boy. He has no idea he’s being used as a weapon. Enough. It started with her, and she’s going to be the one to finish it. She walks out, and Michael says, that didn’t sound good.

TJ says he was left alone for the most part, until he was dropped there. Molly appears, and says, oh my God, rushing to TJ’s bedside. She says she’s been so scared. She had no idea what happened to him. They hug, and Curtis suggests they be given some privacy. The others leave, and Molly says she’s been going out of her mind. Tell her what happened.

Sam tells Jordan that she knows Jordan was protecting TJ, and knows why. Jordan asks how much she told Molly, but Sam says, only what Chase told her; that TJ was beaten and dropped off at the hospital. Jordan says, please don’t tell her anything more. If she and TJ know everything, it will put them in more danger.

Brando goes to the garage, which he apparently didn’t bother to lock. He looks at Molly’s estimate, and flashes back to meeting her, and her saying she thought her wrecked car was the perfectly rotten end to a perfectly rotten day, but she thinks this may been a turning point. Brando looks bummed, and flashes back to Molly asking him to just give her his word that he’ll give her a fair price. He says he gives her his word, and she kisses him. He looks even more bummed.

Molly kisses TJ’s hand, and says, when he cut her off, and wouldn’t pick up her calls or return her texts, she thought he never wanted to see her again. She thought they were done because she turned down his proposal. He says he’s so sorry, and she asks why he’s apologizing. She’s the one who lost faith, and jumped to the worst possible conclusion. She should have known he wouldn’t give up on them. He says, if the positions were reversed, he probably would have thought the same thing; if she’d taken off into the night pissed off. His mom was getting texts, supposedly from him. Of course (🍷) she thought he was icing her out. But he’s okay now. They’re okay. There’s nothing they can’t take back. (D’oh!)

Molly says, right. Nothing happened that they can’t take back. He says he knows she felt that he was pressing the subject of marriage, and she says they don’t need to pick up that conversation right now; he’s hurt. He says, it looks worse than it is. He has some bruises, he’s dehydrated, and has a bad headache from the chloroform, but his mouth still works. The whole time he was tied up, he kept thinking what he’d say to her if he had a chance, and here they are. This is their chance. He tells her, bear with him, and she says she’s listening. He says he thought too soon that marriage was something they both wanted, and she said the opposite; they didn’t need it, and were better off without it. They surprised each other, and they both dug in. That part is no surprise since they’re both stubborn. She says she was ridiculous, and he says she was honest about what she wanted. He was too disappointed to accept it, but when he was walking back, he thought of a real compromise he didn’t consider. She asks what he means, and he says, domestic partnership.

Sonny goes to the garage, and asks Brando, how’s business? Brando says, so far, so good. He got another customer yesterday. Sonny asks, what kind? and Brando says, some woman who messed up the undercarriage of her hybrid. He doesn’t think it has anything to do with Sonny’s business, but Sonny says he’s got to be careful. The threat to his family is at high level. Brando asks, what happened? and Sonny says, the man behind the shootings, Cyrus Renault, was let out of prison last night. Brando asks if Sonny’s family is still a target, and Sonny says, that remains to be seen, but Brando is part of the family now, and is in Port Charles because of Sonny’s request. Sonny tells Brando, watch his back, and leaves.

Chase tells Jordan that he needs to finish the interview with TJ; the next 24 hours are crucial. She says she’ll take the reins on this one, but he says, with all due respect, he doesn’t think that’s a good idea. Jordan flashes back to Cyrus telling her she did a great job, and Jordan saying, she did what he wanted for one reason only; to get her son back. If TJ isn’t released unharmed, Cyrus will be too dead to enjoy it.

Curtis leaves a message at the prison for Shawn. Tell him his son TJ has been admitted to the hospital. He’s expected to make a full recovery. Portia hears, and says she’s sorry. She certainly didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it sounded like he was leaving a message for… He says, TJ’s father. She says she thought Thomas was his father, and Curtis says, his biological father. Jordan was married to Thomas, and when he went overseas… Portia says, she had an affair. That explains a lot. He says, about what? and she says the way he ended things when he found out she was married.

Portia says, when Curtis found out she was married, he broke it off, and had a strong reaction. Curtis says, maybe too strong. He knows life is complicated, and things happen, but for him, he’s not messing around with no married woman. She says she thought he’d been cheated on, but it was his brother. He says, well-intentioned people made some bad choices back in the day, him included. But at the end of it all, there was TJ; a smart, principled, likeable, handsome young man. There’s nothing to regret about him.

Chase tells Jordan, she’s the victim’s mother. An experienced attorney will have a field day, given her connection. She knows she shouldn’t be directly involved with this. She says he’s right; okay. He says he’s going to talk to GH security, and see if they pulled the surveillance footage. Don’t worry. They’ll find out exactly how it went down. When he’s gone, Jordan tells Sam, that’s what she’s afraid of.

Sonny asks Jason, what happened with Cyrus? and Jason says, Cyrus checked into the MetroCourt. He was in the restaurant, and made a point of talking to Carly. When Jason got there, she was throwing Cyrus out, but she kept her cool. She told him the hotel was full, and Jason stayed to make sure Cyrus left. Sonny says, anything else? and Jason says, Cyrus is gone from the hotel, but he’s not leaving Port Charles. He said to give Sonny a message. He’s not going anywhere.

TJ asks what Molly thinks. They’ll have most of the rights that benefit married couples, and there will be a record with an official stamp of their relationship, without sacrificing her belief in something dated and traditional. Another huge plus is, they can throw a big party. He knows he’s days late, but what does she say? Does she want to spend the rest of her life with him? She says, of course (🍷) she wants to spend the rest of her life with him; absolutely. Domestic partnership is genius. He tells her, don’t cry, but she says, they’re happy tears. She’s thrilled that he’s back, and safe. He says he can’t wait to get out and go home with her. They can put all this behind them, and focus on the future. Sound good? She says, perfect.

Nelle tells Willow, Nina hired her as an assistant. She just started. Willow asks why Nina would do that. Nina flashes back to telling Carly about why she’s going to give Nelle a job, and that she’s in a perfect position to turn the tables. She tells Willow that she needed an assistant, and Willow says, she chose Nelle? Nelle says she’s right there. Nina was nice enough to give her a position that will look good with the court; she now has gainful employment. It might be the start of a beautiful career. Willow asks if Nina has any idea what she’s doing to Wiley. Nelle says she doesn’t know why Willow thinks it’s her business. She’s not Wiley’s mother, and means absolutely nothing to Wiley. Willow storms out.

Tomorrow, Nelle tells someone to admit they’re just like her, Willow says they have to figure out how to keep Wiley safe, and Jason asks Josslyn what she wants him to do.

😈 Just Sayin’…

Jeff Kober is awesome as Cyrus. I’ve always loved Faison. He’s a bad guy, but he worked from a place of emotion. Cyrus has no emotions, so I’m loving hating him.

Vanderpump Rules

The guys hang out at the skate park. Jax thinks it’s an aggressive place. In his interview, Brett says he wanted to stay under the radar, but Schwartz is making them stick out like a sore thumb. In Schwartz’s interview, he says it’s safe to say he’s getting too old for this sh*t. Jax says, it’s all ex-pros and people trying to be pro. He asks if Schwartz squashed things with Katie, and Schwartz says, it’s a little tense at home. He was caught off guard, and was tired and drunk. He disagreed with her reaction, but shouldn’t have said it out loud. Jax says it’s inevitable that the girls react that way, and Schwartz says, it was a good moment turned sour.

Danica, Brett, Raquel, James, Ariana, and Lala go to an ax throwing place. The instructor says, house rules. They throw together, and don’t do anything stupid. Raquel is the only one who gets it in the center, or even gets it to stick to the target. In her interview, she says she had no clue she would ax-ceed everyone. She’s a bad-ax bitch. Dayna asks Brett if he’s coming to her birthday party, and he says, definitely. He thinks they should hang out outside of work. They only see each other at parties. In Dayna’s interview, she says Brett is totally good to talk to. They built a friendship at work, so it’s not forced. A producer asks what she likes about Brett, and she says, his abs. Brett suggests lunch, and Dayna is afraid Scheana will be weird about it. He says, she’s not allowed to be weird about it.

Lisa goes to SUR, and meets Guillermo. He asks how she is, and she says, okay now. In her interview, she says she was in London for her mother’s funeral. Our parents are instrumental in how we deal with things, and she has to pull herself together because it’s who they made her. She tells Guillermo that she heard something happened on Saturday. He says, the managers only have to serve two tables, so they can take care of their other duties. Danica got a food order wrong, and a table was overcharged. The customers had to leave, so SUR had to call them later to tell them they were overcharged by $200. Lisa asks son Max to send Danica over. Danica joins them, and Lisa says she heard Danica screwed up a table. They had to phone the people and apologize, and it’s not the kind of business they run. What went wrong? Danica says, it was an honest mistake. She’d had a stressed day. Lisa says, it’s a job. Danica apologizes, saying she shouldn’t bring her problems to work, but Lisa says she’s done it before. We flash back to when Danica was suspended for hitting Brett. Lisa tells her that she had an attitude problem at TomTom, and was rude to Richardson, who’s worked there for many years. Danica insists she doesn’t have an attitude, and in Lisa’s interview, she says, Danica wants to have a career in the restaurant business, but she’s a little rough around the edges. In Danica’s interview, she says she doesn’t have an effing attitude.

Schwartz tells Katie, he was over-zealous at the skate park, and ices his knee. He asks how she’s feeling, and Katie says, better. He says it’s nothing they haven’t sailed before, but Katie says, not for a long time. He says he thinks she overreacted, and she says, it’s the times they live in. He tells her not to be a social justice warrior. He’s still dumbfounded and confused. It was a harmless prank, and when the dust settled, she was still sulking. She says, because he was rude to her, and he says he thought she was self-indulgent and immature. They spent a lot of time and money on the prank. She says, then it was a waste, but he says, it wasn’t for her. In Katie’s interview, she says she just wants an apology. He’s entitled to his opinion, even if it’s wrong. Schwartz says he felt she was super wrong, but he doesn’t like being confrontational or mean spirited. He’s sorry that he talked to her that way; he was in d*ck mode, and knew he’d feel bad later. The next morning, he had a shame hangover. In his interview, Schwartz says he was definitely wrong, and doesn’t know why he got so mad. He tells her that he apologized to Beau. Katie says, Stassi is pressing Beau to propose, but he’s planning it. We see a clip of Beau asking for Katie’s help with the plan. She tells Schwartz that he pulled off an elaborate proposal, and Schwartz says, in hindsight, he should have had cops arrest him. She tells him, stop.

Stassi, Katie, and Kristen meet for lunch at Villa Blanca. In Stassi’s interview, she says they’re having a Witches of WeHo party, and have to make a plan. As they were working on the wine, she realized she preferred being a dictator, and not part of a democracy. Kristen says they can make any location pretty. She doesn’t think it will be hard with all the contacts they have. Lisa stops by with friend Elena. Puffy! They ask how Lisa is, and she says, it was unexpected and difficult. It’s easier not to talk about it, but thanks them for acknowledging it. She asks Katie about going back to Vegas. In Stassi’s interview, she says Lisa didn’t necessarily spill the tea about Katie and Schwartz’s getting married a second time in Vegas.

Dayna meets Brett at a restaurant, and they order drinks. She tells him that she invited Max to her party, since she wants to stay friends. He says it’s nice of her. He’s only known her two months, but can see she has a great head on her shoulders. It’s not easy to come by. She says he seems to look for depth in people, but still loves a YouTuber Instagram model. He says that’s not his type, and thinks she’s capable of understanding him. He’s had one relationship that didn’t work. He always put himself second. In Brett’s interview, he says he was literally in the backseat, like a child who isn’t allowed to sit up front. Dayna says she’s been there, but when her mom died, she knew she had to put herself first. She and her mom loved hard, so it’s been hard for her. In Dayna’s interview, she says, every day without her mom is hard, and it’s amplified on her birthday, since they had the same one. She’s going to try to celebrate, but even acknowledging it at all is hard. Brett says he’s sorry.

Stassi gets a message that Lisa wants to talk to her, and in Stassi’s interview, she wonders when she’ll be able to summon people. That is gold. Lisa asks, what happened? and Stassi says once Brittany and Jax were married, she thought, why wouldn’t Beau propose the next day? Lisa says they’ll get him to propose, and Stassi says she’s a control freak with everything else in her life. She wears the Spanx and the pants. Lisa says she’s told Stassi, never admit to wearing Spanx. She heard there was dissention in the camp, and asks if she put her foot in it, saying something about Vegas. If Kristen knows, she’ll be seriously pissed. Stassi says, who cares?

At Castaway Studios, West Hollywood, Beau and his boss look over resumés. Schwartz and Katie come in, and Schwartz says he’s auditioning for the role of a-hole boyfriend and friend. Katie says, a-hole husband, and he says he forgot. Beau says he wanted to be far away, so Stassi won’t know he’s meeting with them. In Beau’s interview, he says he’s been planning this for six months. Stassi has no clue. He asked Katie and Schwartz to help, since they’re the only people who can keep a secret. He says his mom and dad are giving him the rings, and shows them a photo on his laptop. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he’s bedazzled. The rings are beautiful, and he’s admiring the fact that Beau doesn’t have to pay for them. Beau says Stassi loves graveyards, and after Stassi’s grandmother passed away, she wanted to look for a mausoleum for herself. He wants to hide the ring box there. He’s thinking two weeks. In his interview, Beau says he wants to marry Stassi because she’s the most important person in his life. They laugh together. She’s funny and charming, and he doesn’t want to be around anyone else more than her. He thinks they’re going to have an amazing future, and beautiful kids. He tells Katie and Schwartz not to say anything, and Schwartz says, don’t tell Jax. Katie says, or Kristen

Kristen’s calls Scheana, who’s working at SUR. She says she’s on her way to get some champagne for Dayna’s birthday. She doesn’t want to show up empty handed. She tells Scheana about Lisa saying something about Vegas at Villa Rosa. Stassi and Katie knew what she was talking about, and she clearly isn’t invited to what’s basically Schwartz and Katie’s second wedding. Max also told her that he’s going. She introduced Katie and Schwarz, and they’ve been best friends for over a decade. She was a bridesmaid the first time. Scheana says she’s not invited either. In Kristen’s interview, she says, it’s super hurtful. Katie is being a bitch. Kristen thinks Katie has tunnel vision, and they all just revolve around Katie’s problems. Katie was telling her how sad it was, and she needs a break, while they’re doing monumental things she’s not invited to. It feels final.

Brittany comes into work at SUR. Peter asks how she feels about being back, and she says, excited. He asks if she remembers the table numbers. In her interview, she says, now that they’re married, she doesn’t want to be in a position where Jax feels that she’s not contributing financially. We flash back to Jax bitching about taking care of her. She says,  they split the cost of the wedding 50/50, and each put the same amount of down payment on the house. If it means going back to SUR and waiting tables, so be it. She tells Peter, she’s getting right back in it.

In Scheana’s interview, she says she’s getting her body ready for the next round in freezing her eggs. She’s on a new medication, and wants to throw up. Dayna wants to talk to her, and says when they were at the ax throwing thing, Brett asked her out to lunch. When they went out, she felt a connection. She’s not saying anything will happen, but wants to be open with Scheana. In Dayna’s interview, she says it wasn’t that long ago that Scheana was a sh*thead to her because she was dating Max. She wants to be transparent, so Scheana doesn’t try to ruin her life. Scheana says she and Brett are just friends, and Dayna says Brett told her she’d said maybe in the future it would be something else. She doesn’t want to step on Scheana’s toes. In Scheana’s interview, she says, Dayna is basically going out with Brett to throw an F-U in Max’s face. It shows what kind of person she is. Whatever delusion you need to get you through the day, Scheana. She tells Dayna, she’s good.

Dayna and Lala visit with Ariana. They sit by the pool, and Ariana says it’s her favorite day ever. She asks how Dayna is doing, and Dayna says she had a weird moment with Scheana. Brett asked her to lunch, so she told Scheana, who said they’re all friends and it’s great. Ariana says, Scheana does feel some type of way. In Ariana’s interview, she says, sometimes it’s hard for Scheana to let her guard down. If she cares and the guy doesn’t feel the same way, she doesn’t want to care. Lala asks how Dayna feels about Brett, and Dayna says, he’s a perfect specimen of a man (really?). She had blinders on when she was seeing Max, and might be interested. She’s looking forward to hanging out with him. Ariana asks if she invited Max to her birthday party, and Dayna says she did, but Ariana says Max doesn’t know if he’s invited.

At TomTom, Brett tells Tom that he went to lunch with Dayna. Tom says she’s hanging out with Lala and Ariana at their house today.

In Dayna’s interview, she says there’s an open invite to her birthday party. Everyone’s invited. She tells Lala and Ariana that she didn’t text Max specifically, but he’s invited. Ariana thinks she should tell him, and Dayna says she needs to tell everyone what time to come anyway. She texts Max, and says he texted her back, all good. Lala says, someone’s bitter.   

Stassi and Beau go out to eat at not-SUR. Stassi says she can only raise one arm at a time, and Beau says he doesn’t get impractical dresses. He’s going be the funniest parent, and she isn’t. She says, Katie was talking to Schwartz about being an a-hole. He says, the whole night was effed up; even they were fighting. We see a clip of them arguing, and Stassi says it’s not Beau’s problem to make them not feel bad. He sent them a text saying they were going to be late because they were fighting about being married, and she doesn’t like being vulnerable like that. He apologizes, and says he’s not trying to hurt her. He’s doing everything in his time because it is his time. In his interview, he says, seeing Stassi this way breaks his heart. He wants to tell her, but it will ruin the magnificence of the surprise. He tells her that he doesn’t want to talk about it right now, and she says she’s not hungry. He tells her, please be hungry. He wanted it to be a great date night. She says she’s not mad, but excuses herself for a moment. In Stassi’s interview, she says, it’s incredibly frustrating. She knows it will work out, and doesn’t want to be that person who gives an ultimatum. She’ll have to stick with it and suffer.

Dayna’s sister Brittni accompanies her to TomTom for the party. In Danica’s interview, she says she and Dayna have had their ups and downs, but she likes Dayna. Dayna gives her sh*t for having to use a breathalyzer, and she gives Dayna sh*t for her horrible taste in men. It’s the perfect friendship. Somehow, I don’t think so. In James’s interview, he says it’s hard being in the booth. Everyone else is drinking. Dayna introduces her sister to everyone. Lisa drops by, surprising everybody, and in her interview, she says she doesn’t normally go to her staff’s birthday parties, but she likes Dayna. Dayna is a sweet girl, and she thinks birthdays are a big deal, so she wants to be supportive. She tells Brittni that she’s glad she’s there for her sister. Schwartz asks Ariana if she wants to be a bridesmaid or groomsman. Kristen sits with Katie, saying she wants to get the conversation out of the way. Katie and Stassi were talking about Vegas, and she had no idea what they were talking about. She starts crying, and says she didn’t know she was on the no fly list. Katie says she just invited family, but Kristen says Katie invited everyone but her. Katie says she’s not angry, but thinks they need a break from each other. Kristen says Katie looked her in the eye, and said they weren’t sisters, friends, or best friends. Katie says they haven’t been for years. She says she’ll always love Kristen, and Kristen says she wishes she could see that. In Kristen’s interview, she wishes Katie would spare her the bullsh*t breakup chat. She tells Katie, if she loved her, she wouldn’t walk away from her. At the bar, Lala says she’s going to get white girl wasted on Diet Coke.

Dayna asks if she can talk to Scheana. She doesn’t want to deal with any bullsh*t from her, and asks what she said to Max. Scheana says, Max felt weird that Dayna is going out with one of his friends. Dayna says she asked Scheana if it was cool because she thought Scheana liked him. Scheana says Dayna said it was just a casual lunch, and Dayna says it was, and Max doesn’t get a vote. In her interview, Dayna says she can date Max’s dad if she wants. And his dad is hot too. Scheana says she doesn’t want to talk about it. Scheana seriously needs many years of therapy.

Lala asks Scheana what she and Dayna were fighting about, and Scheana insists that she doesn’t have feelings for Brett. Possibly maybe in the future. Lala says she’s noticed that Scheana always has a new hot guy she’s saying is her best friend. She tells Lala that she likes have a single guy best friend. We flash back to Scheana telling James that Adam is her best friend, and saying she’s friends with Max and Brett. Lala wants Scheana to be honest about her feelings. She wants to make everything seem perfect. Scheana says she’s over Brett, but wipes some tears away. She says, it’s her life. She’s doing this single, on her own, at 34, and divorced. She’s optimistic that the right guy will come along, and want kids with her. She’s doing this for a baby, and feels overwhelmed. In Scheana’s interview, she says she’s frustrated. She sees everyone around her having what she wants to have again. She didn’t think she’d be where she is at 34.

Lisa asks why Brett looks worried, and tells him, enjoy the ride. He says the only one he’s had lately is with her in the car on Pride. It’s the best one so far. In Lisa’s interview, she says she has underwear older than Brett, and she’s probably wearing it. He asks where Ken is, and she says, waiting outside. After 35 minutes, she’ll have to put out later. In Brett’s interview, he says he’s respectful. He likes Ken and would never try anything, but the feeling he gets in his stomach when he sees Lisa is awesome. Jax watches Charli have a nip slip. Stassi tells Beau that Kristen found out about Vegas. She gets it’s not her wedding, and she’s never going to be engaged, but she’s embarrassed about last night. He says he’s ready, but not ready. She says, when she hears he’s not ready… He says they’re going to die old together. He loves her so effing much.

Charli and Danica bring out the cake, with Dayna’s picture on it (ew!). Everyone sings Happy Birthday, and Dayna blows out the candles. In her interview, Dayna says she left her entire life in Seattle, and thought her first birthday there would be spent eating a bowl of mac and cheese, and hotdogs. To have all these people celebrating her, and making her feel special is amazing. She lifts up the cake, and takes a bite, and Tom pushes the plate into her face. Cake is smushed into various people’s faces, and Dayna asks if Charli wants a bite. Charli takes off, but Dayna gets her, and Charli says her skin care regimen can’t afford this. Whatever that means. Dayna smears cake on Brett’s face, and they kiss. Scheana sees, and says, if anyone hits her with cake, she’s going to lose her effing sh*t. She jets, and Dayna kisses Brett again.

Next time Brett says he licked Dayna’s face on her birthday, Danica says Dayna deserves better than Brett, Beau calls Stassi’s father, and Kristen says she can’t take fighting with her two best friends.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Randal grabs Marci, and takes her phone. She tells him to give it back, and he says she destroyed his house. She asks what he’s talking about, and tells him, get out. He asks, was it Brad? and she calls him crazy. She tells him to give her the phone, and he says, so she can call Brad? She kicks him in the nuts, and he crawls to the kitchen counter, pulling himself up. He says, you bitch, and she says, you da bitch. He laughs, and sees the ring. He asks, what the hell is this? She says her engagement ring. Brad asked her to marry him. Now that they’re both divorced, that’s what she’s going to do. He calls her a bitch again, and she says she heard he and Larry did it. She heard he’s into bondage and swinging. Good to know. He says, Alex wasn’t the only one, and Marcie says, she was the only one who fooled him. Karma’s a bitch. Get out now. She opens the door, and tells him to give her the damn phone. He says he’ll leave, so he can think and plot all the ways ruin her life. Marcie says, they’re divorced, and he says she has no idea how many mind games he can play. She says he has no idea how many ways her fiancé can kick his ass. He throws her phone on the floor, and stomps on it. She hits him with a golf club, and keeps hitting him, as he crawls away in the hallway. I nearly die laughing.

Randal gets in his car. He says, I got you bitch, and calls Larry, leaving a message for Larry to call him back. He says, screw it, and calls again, saying he’s coming to Larry’s house. He drives away.

Brad gets to Alex’s house, and the babysitter says she’s sorry. He tells her, don’t worry, and she says she didn’t know what else do. He says he’s glad she called, and she says she had a hard time finding the number, since Alex didn’t leave it. She has to get going, and he asks if she called Alex. She says, a few times; she last saw Alex down the street at the neighbors. He pays her, and says, get home safe. She tells him that the kids and baby are asleep, and he goes upstairs. She lets herself out.

Eddie goes into Esperanza’s bedroom, where she and Steven are sleeping. He strips down, and gets in the bed next to her. He says, hey, baby, and she says, what the hell…? Steven jumps up, grabbing his gun. Esperanza asks what Eddie is doing there, and he says he misses her and he’s high. She says, just get up, and Steven tells her, get him out of here. She says he’s sleeping, and Steven says, fine. He’ll drag Eddie’s ass out. She says, obviously Eddie has problems, and Steven says Eddie doesn’t belong in her house. She asks what Steven wants her to do right now, and tells him, calm down, be a decent person, and let him sleep it off. Steven says he’ll take Eddie’s ass out, so he can sleep it off outside, and she tells him, stop. He asks what the hell is wrong with her, and she says she’s spent way too much time trying to help Eddie. Steven says, she’d better give it up; Eddie isn’t going to change. She says they still have kids, and he suggests she file the papers and get custody. Does she want her daughter to see this? She says, of course not, and he says, then do something. She says if Steven drags Eddie out, her daughter will see him sleeping in the car. Steven says, he’ll drive Eddie somewhere. She asks, where? but Steven doesn’t know. He’s trying so hard to wrap his head around this. Eddie is sick, but her protecting him is more sick. She says she’s learning how to let go, and he says, this is nuts. She says he’s right, and he tells her, stop saying that. She knows she has to do something, and he asks her to let him take Eddie somewhere. She says, okay; where? and he says she’s asking the wrong questions. He grabs Eddie, and Eddie says he’s drunk; let him sleep it off. Steven says, don’t worry. Eddie will get sleep where he’s going. Eddie stands up, wrapping a blanket around himself. He says he’s going to be sick, and Steven says they’re taking Eddie’s truck.

While he’s in the middle of an S&M scenario, Larry’s phone rings. It’s Marcie, who tells him, Randal showed up at the house. She’s thinking of getting a restraining order. He says, okay, and hearing various sounds, she asks what he’s doing. He says, it’s late, and she asks if he’s moaning. He says, that hurts, and she says, is he doing his S&M sh*t? This is terrible. Larry says, she called him (he has a point); what does she think is going on? She says, eww! and he says, it’s pretty good. She asks if he could stop for a second; she’s having an issue. He says he’ll take care of it first thing in the morning. She asks, what the hell is that noise? and he says, an air compressor. She says, goodnight; they’ll deal with it another time. After she hangs up, she says, weirdos everywhere.

Since Larry can’t catch a break, there’s a knock at the door and the bell rings. He yells, come in, and Randal stomps in, saying he wants to get her. Dammit, Larry. Larry says, it’s the weekend. He’s enjoying his personal time. Randal sees the other guy, completely in leather, including a mask, and asks, who this is? Larry asks the guy, what’s his name again? and Randal says, forget it. Larry tells the nameless guy to go get something to drink, and the guy and his assless chaps walk to the kitchen. Randal thinks Larry needs to wash down the ottoman. Larry asks if Randal wants a drink, but Randal says he doesn’t want a damn drink. He wants to hurt Marcie. Larry says Randal interrupted his personal time, and he doesn’t know what the problem is. Randal asks if he knows Marcie is getting married to Brad. Larry laughs, and Randal says he wants them served. Larry asks him to define wanting to be served, and Randal says he’s serious. Larry says Randal is seriously blowing his night, and tries to get Randal interested. Randal tells him, stop it. He doesn’t know why he came there. Larry says Randal knows where to come to have a good time. He approaches Randal, but Randal pushes him away, saying he’s not into this sh*t. He’s coming to Larry’s office in the morning. Have the papers ready for him to sue Marcie. (I’m wondering what he thinks he can sue her for, but okay). Randal says he doesn’t know what this sh*t is all about, but it’s sick. Larry says, but it’s so much fun.

Marcie goes to Alex’s house, and says, she’s not back yet? What the hell? He doesn’t think something happened to her, does he? He says, she was upset, and probably went out on her own. She’s not answering the phone; it just keeps ringing. He asks why Marcie is there; did she think something was going on? She says, no, it’s not that. The door to the apartment is broken. He asks how that happened, and she says, Randal came over. He says, that SOB needs to leave her alone. She says beat the hell out of him with a golf club, but the door is broken, so she came there. He says he’ll fix it when he goes back. He asks if she wants to stay there, and she asks if he’s sure. He says, it is his house, and she says, what if Alex doesn’t come back tonight? The kids will see her in the morning. He says it’s not like Alex. He’s sure she’ll be back. Marcie says Brad thinks he knows her; he thinks he needs more proof. He says he’s been trying to get to her contacts on the laptop, but it’s password protected. She tells him to try Peppa. It’s the name Alex used when she called Randal. He says, nice; it worked. He sees Alex’s profile on Hook Ups, with her name as Jennifer Peppa. He says, she didn’t waste any time, and Marcie tells him, look at the dates; she’s been dating a while. Brad says, unbelievable. All this time, she’s been cheating on him. Marcie tells him not to get upset, but he says he’s just shocked. She says, you never know someone, do you? He reads she can only meet in the afternoon at the Maxine hotel, and says, there are tons of them. Marcie says, wow.

Ian tells Alex to get dressed; he’ll walk her home. She says, no. He tells her that she’s going to regret it in the morning, and she says she wants to do it again. He says he doesn’t think he has it left in him, and she says she’s going to have a little more to drink. He says she’s mixing liquor, but she says, you only live once. She’s tired of living what everyone else wants her to do. She’s doing what she wants now. He says she has to take care of her kids; she’s a mother. She says she found out too late she’s not into that. He says, she’s pretty good, but she asks, how would he know what she’s like with her kids? He says, what about Lushion and Natalie? and she says he doesn’t understand. She’s so sick of all of it. She hates the clothes and the neighborhood. She wants to live in a loft with no bedroom and no curtains, and walk around naked all day. Look at her. She’s had three kids, and this is still what she looks like. Her own body doesn’t want her to have this life. Ian says, tomorrow, she’s going to regret this, but she says, no talking about tomorrow. This is why she wouldn’t drink with Brad. She’d get depressed, and he’d say, oh darling, it’s okay, with that stupid accent. Ian laughs, and Alex says, sex with Brad and his mushroom penis was a chore. Nothing like with him. He asks, what about Randal? and she says, that loser? He says, and the others? And she says, whatever. Ian is number three on her list. He says she has a list? and she says, her fun time. He asks, how many? and she says, don’t worry about it. She drinks some more, and he says, he’s number three? She says, number three on her top ten list. He says, thanks, I guess. She says, one guy… she never felt that way with anybody, but she never called him again. She’s not calling Ian again either. Sorry, but she just wanted it to be one time. He says he figured, but she had a baby by one of them. She tells him, don’t talk about the baby. She’s frustrated. He says, she’s drunk, and she says, both. She doesn’t want talk about that. He says he’ll make her something to eat, but she says, that’s for the morning. Come on. She kisses him, and they get busy again.

Steven brings Eddie to the jail, and parks him on a bench. An officer asks if he should get some clothes, but Steven says, don’t get a damn thing. Go push some papers. He’s booking Eddie’s ass. The officer leaves, and Eddie asks where he is. Steven says he’s somewhere where he can get some sleep. Steven fingerprints him, and Eddie asks if he’s being arrested. Steven says, yes, sir, and Eddie tells him, get out of here with that, but Steven says, don’t resist him. Eddie asks where his clothes are, and calls Steven a weirdo. Steven asks if Eddie remembers where he just was, but he says, no. Steven asks what his name is, and he says, Eddie. Steven says, Eddie what? and he says, Eddie Eddie. Eddie says he’s about to whoop Steven’s ass. He asks if Steven is filming him with his phone, and Steven says he is. Eddie says he’s getting out, and Steven cuffs him to the bench. He finds the officer, and asks what he’s got. The officer says, drunk and disorderly; the guy was angry in a bar. Steven tells him to put Eddie in with him. The officer says, it’s his funeral, and Steven uncuffs Eddie. Eddie asks what he’s doing, and Steven says, taking his ass to his home for the night. Eddie says, actually, Steven is really bossy, and Steven drags him to the cell next to Kelly. She says, what the…? and Steven drops Eddie into a bunk. Kelly asks if Steven can get Lushion on the phone. He says Lushion will be there in the morning, but she says, it can’t wait. She needs to talk to him now. He says, it’s late, and Lushion is going to be pissed, but she says, he’ll be fine. Trust her. He says, okay, and makes the call.

The phone wakes Lushion up, and he asks if Steven knows what time it is. Steven says, sorry. He’s at the station. Lushion asks why he’s there this late, and Steven says he’s logging trash. Kelly needs to talk to him. He gives Kelly the phone, and Kelly tells Lushion, someone came to see her. Sister Margaret. She brought Kelly a bible, and inside were pictures of women, dates, and settlements, all from Travis’s church. Lushion says, really? and she says she has it right there. He says, good. Hold on until the morning. She says, this will get her off, right? He says he doesn’t know. He tells her a guy named Tyrel was at her house; does she know him? He said he was Justice’s father, and was looking for a key. She asks if he’s still there, and Lushion says he told Tyrel to leave, but he’s coming back. She tells Lushion that he can let Tyrel in. He says, it doesn’t sound like she wants him there, but she says, no; he can stay. She thanks him, and asks how Justice is. He says, good, and she says, make sure Tyrel doesn’t see Justice until she’s out of there. He says he’ll see her tomorrow, and she thanks him. She gives Steven back his phone, thanking him too. He tells her to get some sleep.

Steven leaves, and Kelly says, thank you, God. Eddie says, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Hallelujah. She tells him not to talk to her. He says she’s the one locked up, and she says, guess what? He is too. He looks around, and says, damn. What the hell is going on? Where are his pants? She doesn’t know and doesn’t care. He asks who locked him up? and she says he really needs some help. She hopes his ass rots in there. He calls her a raisin in the sun, and she says he’s a racist. He says he’s proud of it, and yells for the guard to open the door. She says he can scream all he wants, but they don’t care. He says he’s an officer of the law, and she laughs, saying, an officer who breaks the law. He asks how much blood was on the floor when she murdered that man, and she tells him, go to hell. He says he ain’t playing, and yells for someone to open the door.

Esperanza thanks Steven for coming back. She’s sorry about earlier. He says he thinks she should talk to someone about her and Eddie. It’s wrong to love someone who treats her like that. she says she’s not in love with him, and Steven says, then show Eddie some tough love. She says she’s trying, but he says Eddie threatens her and she doesn’t do anything about it. The reason Eddie does what he does is because there are no consequences for his actions, so give him some. She says that’s why she involved a lawyer, and he says, that’s great, but if she doesn’t serve him, what’s the point? She says, he’s right, and he says he’s going home. She says, please don’t, and he says Eddie’s not getting out. He’s in a cell, locked up for the night. She says Steven is upset, but he says he’s not; he’s just tired. She needs to know she deserves better. She says she knows, and he tells her, stop saying she knows and feel it in her heart. He’ll see her tomorrow. He kisses her forehead, and they say goodnight.

At the club, the woman whose name I don’t know, tells Rick not to be cheap. He gets her another drink, and she says don’t tell anyone what she’s going to say. He says he promises, but she says he looks like a rat with little beady eyes. She thinks his hair is fake, and asks to touch it. He lets her, and she says, baby making hair. He asks if she’s going to tell him or not, and she says the sons of the pastor are crazy as hell. Rick needs to get a lawyer, and subpoena their law firm and accountant. Then he’ll see. She says, it’s her song, and he asks if she wants to dance. She says, let’s go, and they hit the dance floor.

Now Lushion can’t catch a break. There’s a knock at the door, and Natalie wakes him up. He says he’s got it, and opens the door to Brad. He asks, what’s going on? and Brad says he’s looking for Alex. Lushion says she’s not there. She left right after he did. Brad asks if Lushion knows where she went. The babysitter called him, and he had to relieve her. He tried to call Alex, and so did the babysitter. Lushion says, she left at the same time as Ian, but he doesn’t think she’s there. Ian just moved in across the street. Brad says he’ll check there, and Lushion asks if Brad wants him to come along, but Brad says he’s fine. Lushion says he might as well go for a stroll.

Lushion and Brad walk to Ian’s house, and see him having sex with Alex through the window.

Next time, Eddie wonders what he’s doing in jail, Esperanza tells Kelly to stop talking about Travis, Lushion tells Rick that they have to make sure the DA gets the information, and Eddie threatens to kill Esperanza.

👀 For Those Sleepless Nights...

Be they on purpose or not. And stay safe wherever you are, awake or not.

March 31, 2020 – Jordan Involves the DOJ, Two Pranks Are Played, Loving Is Back, a Last Season, New GH Schedule, Soaps Rate, Okay Andy & Tired


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the very beginning, because I was running early. Why, Lord, why?

At the MetroCourt, Lulu sees Brook. Dustin asks if Lulu is sure this is a good idea. Does she remember what happened the last time? She says she remembers exactly what happened.

Trina apologizes to Cameron for being late. She lost track of time talking to Ava. Cameron says, it’s totally fine. Everything good? She says, yeah. Him? He flashes back to the kiss, and Trina saying, if she’d lost him, she wouldn’t be able to do any of this, and him saying, neither could he. He tells Trina, it’s all good.

Portia tells Curtis, she knew there was a lot Taggert couldn’t tell her, and frankly there was a lot she didn’t want know. Even when they were breaking up, she still cared about him, and he did everything he could to reassure her. Curtis says, she suspected it was Cyrus when Taggert was killed. He must have told her something about the investigation. She asks why it’s important, and Curtis says he and Jordan are always trying to figure out what to bring home, and what to leave at the office. It must have been the same with them.

Laura goes to the station, and sees Mac. She asks if Jordan is in her office, but he says she’s in a meeting. Laura asks if Mac means Jordan is interrogating a suspect, and Mac says he means she’s in a meeting. Laura gets that Mac isn’t used to her being mayor, but she has to ask him what’s going on.

In the interrogation room, Cliff sets up a recorder, and says, it’s an interview with Jordan regarding the arrest and conviction of Cyrus Renault. He asks if Jordan consents to the recording. She does, and he tells her to please explain her involvement in the arrest and conviction of Cyrus Renault.

Alexis says Finn doesn’t seem surprised to hear that she fell off the wagon. He says he feels terrible that he missed her call, but she says it’s not his job to keep her sober; it’s hers. Last night, she let her team down. He says they’re on the same team. If she has some time, he’d like to talk. She says she had one drink, but he says they both know it’s never just one. Alexis says, it’s all she had, and he says she’s been sober almost three years. What changed? She says, apparently, she did, or that’s what she was told. It’s the truth. He says, and that’s bad because… She says, because she stopped fighting for herself and what she believes in. Instead, she protected someone and crossed the line. He says she’s not first person to ever do that. What’s so horrible that she would end three years of sobriety? She says she slept with the person she protected, and she knew it was wrong, but the worst thing is that she’d do it again in a heartbeat. He says he believes her, and asks if she slept with them because she had a drink, or did she drink because she slept with them?

Julian and Britt cuddle in bed, and Julian says, he can get used to this. She tells him to remember their deal. It’s just fun, and at the end of the day, he goes his way and she goes hers. Britt says she probably should go, and he asks if it’s visiting hours at the jail. She says she’s already seen her mother, and once is enough. He asks if Obrecht is still claiming Peter framed her, and she says her mother lives by the motto, deny, deny, deny. She never takes responsibility for her crimes. He says, unlike Britt’s best pal Brad. He can’t believe Brad was involved in a baby switch, and she says Brad isn’t the villain Julian wants him to be. Julian knows Brad is Britt’s best friend, but Brad did betray his son’s trust in the worst possible way. She says, things are not always black and white. If he took the time to understand… He says, like her? She says she and Brad are kindred spirits. Now Brad is in prison, and they can only interact through a glass partition. She’s lost her best friend, and doesn’t know how she’s going to replace him in her life. Brad is the only person who got her, and without him, it feels pretty lonely.

Ned tells Brook, no one would be thrilled with a rematch, and she says, Lulu is a smug self-righteous, spoiled brat. There’s no way she’s letting Lulu win. He says, it’s not a competition. Blame him. He shouldn’t have forced her to work at ELQ. He’s going to find her a job more suitable to her talents. She says her talents belong on stage, and that’s exactly where she’s going.

Dustin says, the mess with Brook is over, isn’t it? and Lulu asks why she should go easy on Brook. He says, Brook is social media’s new punching bag, and she’s been beaten enough. She says, tell her that he doesn’t feel sorry for Brook, and he says he knows the reason Lulu resents Brook; she was desperate to become a success, like him. She says Brook dumped him because he couldn’t help her, but she has better things to do than scratch Brook’s eyes out, as much as she’d like to. He says, name one, and she says, this. They kiss, and Olivia approaches their table. She asks if anyone would care to hear the specials.

Trina asks Cameron how practice is going, and he says, good, but weird. It kind of freaks him out. When he’s playing, his focus is totally on the ball. She says, it’s not weird. She gets the same feeling at the gallery. It’s all about the work. She forgets the drama, and the questions that have no answers. He says he thought her mom didn’t like Ava, and Trina says, her mom doesn’t, but she does. She can talk about anything to Ava. He says that’s like him and Franco, and she asks what they talk about. He says, they were just talking about his last session with Dr. Bern. She says, Dr. Bern? Isn’t he… Cameron says, a therapist, yes. His mother thought he needed someone to talk to because… She asks if he thinks he needs a therapist, and he says, now she sounds like Dr. Bern. He agreed to go so his mother would stop treating him like a basket case. Trina says, he’s entitled to be a basket case, but he says she went through a lot more. She tells him not to compare their tragedies. She’s glad he can talk to Franco, and he says he’s glad she has Ava, but be careful; Josslyn doesn’t trust her. Trina says she gets why, but her experience is completely different, and Ava has been supportive. She wonders why something awful has to happen before they realize they’re not alone. He says that’s a good question, but he doesn’t have an answer.

Curtis asks Portia if Taggert was the kind of guy who brought his work home with him, and she says, sometimes. He says, even when it came to Cyrus? and she asks why he cares. He says he’s just curious because she mentioned balancing work and married life. She asks why it matters now.

Jordan says she was part of a four member team at the DEA. They were a task force assigned to Cyrus. Her, Bob, Mark, and Taggert. All three died in a three month period. Two from overdoses, who had no history of drug use, and Taggert was murdered. She became concerned and went over the DEA files. That’s when she realized there were discrepancies in the evidence. Cliff asks her to elaborate, and she says, upon further examination, she saw the material evidence used to convict Cyrus may have been fabricated. He asks if she knew they’d been obstructing justice, but she says she just had a sneaking suspicion.

Laura knows Mac was working on figuring out how Cyrus got messages from prison out to the street, but Mac says, so far, they have nothing. Laura wonders if the lead is in front of him, and he asks if she’s suggesting they have a dirty cop. She hopes not, but somebody is helping Cyrus. Jordan and Cliff come out of the interrogation room, and Jordan looks at Laura.

Cliff says, now the DOJ will have to be involved, and trusts Jordan won’t leave town. She says, of course (🍷) not. Mac asks, what’s going on? and she says, long story. It will have to wait. He says what’s more important if it involves the people he works with? but she says, it doesn’t. It’s about her and Cyrus. She leaves, and Mac and Laura look at each other.

Trina and Cameron walk as they talk. Trina says Josslyn and Dev can’t leave the property without a security guard. It would make her rip her hair out. It was bad enough with her mother texting her ten times a day, and monitoring where she is. He asks if her mother has backed off yet.

Lulu tells Olivia, she’s sorry about trashing the restaurant, but Brook started the fight. Olivia asks if that was before or after Lulu doused Brook with champagne. Lulu says Brook has done nasty things to her, but Olivia says Lulu has done the same. Like printing Brook’s careless post in The Invader. By the way, that’s not even her beat. Lulu says she didn’t tell Brook to post it in the first place, but even if she hadn’t written about it, someone else would have. Olivia says, it wasn’t someone else; it was Lulu. She gets that Dante is gone, and Lulu is acting out. What she doesn’t understand is that in moving on, why Lulu has turned her back on Olivia and the family. She says she thought Lulu was part of the family, and walks away.

Ned knows Brook has a plan to secretly write and record until she gets her creative property rights back, but does she think it’s a good idea to go on stage? Brook says she doesn’t need to be secretive anymore. She found a way out. He says Diana and ELQ”s lawyers couldn’t break Brook’s contract, and Brook found a way? She says she didn’t need to. After Ned decided to embarrass her, she decided to give Linc what he wants. He says, she’s not going to have… and she says, no. All he needs to know is that she’s now free and clear of her soul-sucking contract. He says it’s not all needs to know. What did she give Linc to make him walk away?

Julian tells Britt, there are way more appropriate candidates for best friend than Brad. She just looks at him, and he says he’s sorry she lost her best friend. Would she like a drink? She asks if by other candidates, he means like him, and he asks if that’s so horrible. Does she have something in common with more upstanding citizens in Port Charles? She says her alleged crimes were an act of love. She doesn’t think holding a knife to his ex’s throat is considered an act of love. Julian says he and Alexis are in a better place now, and she asks if Alexis forgave him. Julian says Alexis got therapy, and Britt says her therapist must be good. As she remembers, Alexis doesn’t forgive so easily. He says, so good, Alexis fell for him. She’s stopped therapy, but hasn’t stopped seeing Dr. Bern. Britt says, Dr. Bern? and Julian asks if she knows him.

Alexis tells Finn, her reasons for drinking are complicated, and he says, they usually are. Would one of the complications be Julian? She doesn’t blame him for coming up with that, but Julian was a good guy, and picked her up the bar. Sam called her coward. He says, and Alexis believed her? She’s fearless and courageous, but Alexis says she lacked courage when the going got rough. Maybe she drank because she can’t be with the guy. Finn says it sounds like she cares about him very much, and she says, it’s just… Neil walks in, and a lightbulb comes on over Finn’s head.

Neil says he thought there was a staff meeting there. Alexis says, it was an AA meeting, and Neil says maybe he got the meeting wrong. Finn says he’s got the wrong room, and tells Neil where it is. Neil says he’s going to bring a GPS next time, but Finn says, when he’s been there a while, he’ll figure it out. Finn kept thinking the supply closet was the on-call room. Alexis says she has to take off, and Neil says he does too, but Finn asks if he can asks a couple of questions. It will just take a minute. He wants to pick Neil’s brain about a patient, and it might have legal complications. Alexis says she has a meeting, and Neil says he’ll be late, but Finn ignores them. He says he’s been treating a patient who’s taken a series of experimental drugs, and is now confessing to bizarre crimes. Maybe the crimes are real; maybe they’re the patient’s imagination. Or maybe it’s their mental illness. Neil and Alexis look at each other, and flash back to their night in the hotel. Finn asks what Neil thinks. Side effects of the medication, or should he investigate if these are true confessions?

Britt tells Julian, she knew Neil looked familiar, but now she’s heard his name in context with Alexis. She had a layover in New York City, and went shopping. She stayed at the nicest hotel, and when she was on her way back to her room, she saw a man about to knock on a door. She didn’t think anything of it, but when the door opened, Alexis stepped out. She was about to say hi, when they fell into each other’s arms, and went back into the room. The guy was Dr. Neil Bern.

Lulu asks Dustin if Olivia was right. Was she desperate to punish Brook, and didn’t care who she hurt? Don’t be the supportive boyfriend, but tell her the truth. He asks if he can’t be both. He tells her, she’s caring, passionate, and impulsive, which aren’t bad things. They’re all reasons why he can’t get enough of her. But in her moving on, the hard part is, sometimes her impulses get out of control. She didn’t have to publish Brook’s post. It could have disappeared into the blogosphere, and no one would have been the wiser. She did it to get back at Brook.

Brook says, Ned likes to keep his business dealings private, and so does she. Her phone rings, and she says it’s her new PR guy; she has to run. As she heads to the elevator, on the phone, she says she has good news for him; he’s going to love it. Olivia asks Ned why every time she sees his daughter smiling, she knows all hell is about to break loose?

Trina tells Cameron, she and her mother have established some ground rules. They made them together. Her mom will give her space as long as Trina doesn’t scare her with radio silence. He says, sounds like a plan, and she says she knows his mom has rules; what about Franco? He says, Franco isn’t big on rules. Trina gets a text from Josslyn, and says she was supposed to text yesterday, and forgot. He asks what Josslyn said about… The last time they were all together, trying to study Shakespeare, Trina left. He knows why she left, but Josslyn didn’t. Unless… Trina didn’t tell her that they kissed, did she?

Portia doesn’t get why Curtis cares so much what went on between her and Taggert. Why is it important? There’s a knock at the door, and Jordan pops in. She says she’s sorry. She didn’t know Curtis would still be there. Portia says Curtis was just asking if she and Taggert talked about his work. Curtis says he was wondering about the Cyrus investigation, and Portia says she told him that Taggert really didn’t talk about his work at home. Jordan says, good. The less Portia and Trina have to do with Cyrus, the better. Portia says, it’s a little late for that. Her daughter was already kidnapped, and her father was shot in front of her. Jordan says she’s sorry. She’s afraid she has more bad news. Portia says, it’s not Trina, is it? but Jordan says, no. Trina is fine as far as she knows. She just met with a detective from Internal Affairs, and he’s asked the Justice Department to open an investigation involving Taggert’s handling of the case against Cyrus.

Alexis tells Finn, from a legal standpoint, policies would have to be investigated. Neil says he’ll work on whether it’s delusion or medication. Finn thanks them both, saying he appreciates it. He asks Alexis, lunch tomorrow? and she says, coffee. He says, sounds good, and leaves. Alexis walks into the office, and Neil closes the door. He says he knows it’s none of his business, but Finn seemed concerned about her. She says it was a post AA meeting; a double-checking thing. Neil says, he’s concerned, but she says she’s fine. Really. He says, every time a patient feels compelled to use the word really, it makes him concerned. She says she’s not a patient anymore, and he says, as one friend to another, can he help?

Julian tells Britt, Alexis’s therapist took advantage of her, but Britt says, Alexis is a grown woman, and as far as she could tell, wanted it as much as Neil did. Julian says, there are rules against that, and she says, it’s ironic that Julian has rules. He says, if Neil is ignoring that, he’ll have to remind him. He’s heading over to GH now. She says, to do what? Ride Neil? She doesn’t think that’s a good idea. Alexis can take care of herself. He says, if she wants to worry about someone, worry about Neil. She says, all she wants to know is if he’s giving her a ride, or does she have to call Ride Share? He says, let’s go, and they leave.

Dustin says, too much honesty? but Lulu says, no; he’s right. So was Olivia. She was acting out, but Brook goes out of her way to be antagonistic, and she wanted to get back at her. She’s a bad person. He says, she’s a wonderful person, but she says, with so many flaws. He says, perfection is overrated.

On the phone, Brook tells her PR guy, if they ask about the big blow up, say no comment, and move on. The less said about it, the quicker it will blow over. She’ll be posting behind-the-scenes footage of her new material. Lulu approaches, and says she knows Brook heard her. Brook says, she’s ignoring Lulu. Take the hint. Lulu asks Brook to hear her out.

Trina says, Josslyn has no idea she and Cameron kissed, and he says, thank God. It would make things awkward. She says, a little bit, and he asks what she ended up telling Josslyn. She says she told Josslyn things were weird because of what happened to her dad, which is actually true. They were all traumatized, and none of them is thinking clearly. Josslyn understood completely. He says he’s glad to hear it, and she says she’s got to run. She promised to meet her mom at the hospital. He says he has  to meet his mom too; can he join her? She says, sure. What are friends for? I’m disappointed.

Portia doesn’t understand. She says Cyrus was found guilty, and sent to prison years ago, and Taggert is dead. Why revisit the case? Jordan says the other two members of the team were also killed in the last three months. She questioned the circumstances of their deaths, and searched for why they were singled out. She found proof that they fabricated the evidence that put Cyrus away. Portia says, they falsified evidence? and Jordan says, they were desperate for a conviction, and Cyrus was too good at not getting caught. She’s sure they felt it meant saving lives. Portia says, that could explain a lot about what happened in the marriage. With Taggert, everything was black and white; there were no grey areas. If he violated his own code, it would have eaten him up inside. I note that Jordan has officially replaced Jason in making the best worried face ever.

Laura thanks someone on the phone, and says she’ll be in touch. She tells Mac, it’s true. The DOJ is doing an investigation. They’ve ordered a complete review of the evidence that put Cyrus in prison. Apparently, Taggert worked with the other two agents to plant evidence against him. Mac says, no. He worked with Taggert for years, and Taggert never bent the law. He had a deep loathing for any officer who did. Laura says, if Jordan thinks there’s a possibility he crossed the line, they have to take it seriously.

Portia says, Taggert and his colleagues were killed for putting Cyrus in prison. What about Jordan? Where does she factor in? Curtis says, Jordan worked inside to gain Cyrus’s confidence. Portia says, so she was working independently of the team? and he says, right. Portia says, Taggert didn’t tell her; they left her out? He says, that’s right. Jordan knew nothing about it.

Olivia wonders how Brook got out of her contract, and Ned says she wouldn’t tell him, and he didn’t push her. He had the feeling no amount of pressure would make her talk. Maybe grandfather had the right idea about tough love. Olivia says that would let him off the hook. Now he doesn’t have to feel guilty about firing her.

Brook sits with Lulu and says, make it quick; she has a meeting with Lucy. Lulu says she didn’t know Brook was interested in real estate, and Brook says she’s not. Lulu says, skin care and cosmetics? Brook says, no. Her career is back on track. She’s launching her rebrand at this year’s Nurses ball. Dustin says, congratulations, and Lulu says, absolutely. She tells Brook, she’s not sorry she did her job as a journalist, but she could have contacted ELQ first, and given them a chance address the pharmaceutical branch that was closing. And it was wrong of her to spray Brook with champagne. So, are they good?

In the elevator, Britt tells Julian, take a deep breath, and do some quick elevator meditation. Don’t do anything he regrets.

Neil tells Alexis, there’s no rule that says she can’t turn to him for help. Alexis says, when she considers that, alarm bells go off inside her head. Neil says she called him last night, but she says, it was a mistake. She wasn’t in an appropriate state to see him. He asks, what state would that be? She shows him her one-day chip. Julian and Britt look through the window.

Mac tells Laura, there has to be more to the story, and she says, maybe there is, but she doesn’t know why Jordan wouldn’t have shared that. Mac says, she took the investigation at face value, but she knew Taggert better than anyone. Why would she have gone straight to IA? Laura says, maybe she couldn’t believe Taggert did something illegal. Mac asks if they just sit back and watch it play out, but she says, no. If something else is going on, she wants him find it.

Jordan tells Portia, she had no idea when Cyrus was originally tried that evidence was planted. Portia says, it’s not going to stay quiet for long. She has to find Trina and tell her what’s going on. Trina knocks on the door, and Portia says, better now than later. She opens the door to Trina and Cameron, and Trina asks, what’s going on? Why are they here?

Ned tells Olivia, Brook is his daughter. From the moment she was born, he started to feel guilty. She says, he had to fire Brook; he had no choice. The mess Brook brought back, she did by her lonesome. He says if Brook is back on track, he won’t feel so guilty, but she says if Brook isn’t willing to tell him exactly how it happened, she has some scheme or epic machination that’s going to blow up in everyone’s face.

Brook accepts Lulu’s apology, and they shake hands. Brook says she wants something in return, and Lulu says, name it. Brook says, Lulu’s boyfriend.

Alexis tells Neil, it’s the first day of her new life. She shows him her chip, and he takes her hand. He says he’s proud of her. Julian busts into the room, and grabs Neil, throwing him up against the wall. Alexis asks what Julian is doing.

Tomorrow, Valentin says Brook’s ELQ shares are officially his, Trina tells Portia not to believe Jordan’s lies, and Carly asks Brando when the other shoe is going to drop.

Vanderpump Rules

Ariana meets Lisa for riding. Lisa says she taught Prince to talk, and Ariana says she’s ready for this. Lisa calls Tardon, parlay! and Prince whinnies.

Katie visits Stassi, who’s on the couch, wearing a sleep mask. They have wine and burgers, and Stassi says, it’s just what she needed. The hangover struggle is real.

James makes bacon, and tells Raquel that he had the weirdest dream. Lala was in it. Raquel asks, why? and he says, because he was having an annoying night. We flash back to Tom’s birthday, and Raquel relaying to James that Logan had said he was at a party where people were getting effed up. Raquel says she has to ask; was James drinking at that party? He says, no. If he had, it would be a serious problem. He swears he hasn’t had a drank in six days, In his interview, he says he used to think if bad things happened, it was a good reason to drink, but hit doesn’t solve anything. He’s happy he didn’t.

Lisa tells Ariana that James quit drinking, and he’s getting help. Ariana says, it’s like déjà vu or Groundhog Day, but Lisa says she thinks the difference is that Raquel put her foot down. Ariana says you never know when James is going to snap, and Lisa says it’s when he has his first drink, but she thinks the tide has changed.

James tells Raquel that he’s been talking to Lisa every day.

Stassi can’t believe Katie is having a girls wine night party, but Kristen isn’t invited. Katie says, it’s happening. She’s met some new people, but hasn’t gotten to know them, so she’s invited Dayna, Danica, and Charli. She also can’t not invite Raquel if she’s invited the others. In Stassi’s interview, she says Katie has invited every single girl in West Hollywood, and Kristen is going to be pissed. Katie tells Stassi, if Kristen is going to act like that, she’s not inviting her.

Lisa says, when it gets to be too much, she goes to the stable. Ariana complains that her horse has a small wiener, and it’s embarrassing.

In his interview, Jax says he swore he’d never be at SUR when he turned 40, and at 40, he’s still there. Tom comes in, hungover and struggling. Jax suggests the hair of the dog. Raquel sees Scheana outside in the back, and Scheana says Raquel looked cute at Tom’s party. Raquel says Scheana looked hot, and Scheana says she had fun with her whip. Katie calls Raquel, and invites her to wine night tomorrow with the ladies. Raquel says she’d love to. In Raquel’s interview, she says, Katie has never been intentionally mean to her, but she’s never gone out of her way to be kind either. Scheana wonders how it’s going to be with Lala, and tells Raquel that she’ll have friends there. She can mediate if need be.

Brett has invited Scheana to make a YouTube video with him. In his interview, he says he does personal training, and has been successful on YouTube by being his authentic self. A lot of women follow him. He tells Scheana that he thinks women will identify with her, and what she’s been through as a young divorcee. He trusts her and she’s a friend. Scheana thinks they’ll become better friends, because this woman cannot take no for an answer. He thinks she’s awesome, but says he’d never want to hurt her by making her think there’s something that’s not there. He looks at her like a guy friend. Scheana, who only hears what she wants to, says, who knows; maybe one day. In Brett’s interview, he says he loves her as a person, but has no intention of taking he home. Scheana suggests they see where the world takes them.

Schwartz goes to Tom’s place, where Max has arrived ahead of him. In Tom’s interview, he says, people give him a hard time about not having furniture, but they have a couch and a credenza. They’re good. Tom says, it’s Jax’s birthday, and Brittany is taking him out to lunch. Now that they have houses, it’s open to the possibility of TP’ing them. Schwartz says, talking about it ruins it; it has to be spontaneous. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he’s all for a good prank, but because of the dynamic between Tom and Jax, he doesn’t know if they’re in a good enough place for that. Schwartz says he can’t do it today, as Tom pours beer in a funnel. He doesn’t mind pissing Jax off, but not on his birthday. Tom wants Schwartz to funnel beer, and Schwartz asks, what for? Tom says, for Jax, and Schwartz says, Jax isn’t here. Tom points to his heart, and says, Jax is here. In Max’s interview, he says Tom wants to beer bong and TP a house in the afternoon, but he has to go to work. He doesn’t think it’s the best idea. They sit by the pool, and Tom brings out shots. They toast to Jax’s birthday. Schwartz thinks instead of pranking Jax, they should lift him up, and show how much they love him. Tom says he’ll be back in fifteen, and Schwartz says, what if it rains? Tom and Max leave, but Schwartz stays behind. He can’t, he won’t, and he’s not doing it.

Tom and Max TP Jax’s house, and Tom says, it feels good. In Max’s interview, he thinks Tom is releasing some frustration against Jax; he’s fired up. The leave OLD FART in toilet paper letters on the street in front of the house. Jax and Brittany come home to trees laden with toilet paper, and Jax says, WTF? Are you effing kidding me? Who does that? Brittany says, what the hell is this? Jax sees the message, and says, these a-holes. This is going to suck. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s not that funny. He knows one of his friends did it, but doesn’t know which one.

Jax starts making calls. Tom says he didn’t have anything to do with it, and claims they got him too, and shows Jax his front yard with a few streams of toilet paper hanging from a tree. In Toms’ interview, he says, there are three things you need to get away with a prank. Confidence, an alibi with plausible details – Jax says it doesn’t look like as much in Tom’s yard, and Tom says they must have hit Jax’s house first –  and a couple of gullible friends. Brittany says Schwartz swears he didn’t do it. Jax says he knows Beau did it. Brittany shows Stassi the yard, and Stassi says, it’s so insane. In his interview, Jax says he’s going to find how who did this, and get them back.

Scheana tells Brett she went home with some guy from Tom’s party, but not the one she came with. She’s excited to be YouTube’ing with him. He sets up the camera, and says he’s there with a good friend; a homie. He introduces Scheana, and says she’s 34, and looks great. She highly recommends Botox. He says, she’s a middle-aged woman, and in her interview, Scheana wonders in what world she’s considered middle-aged. I too, am wondering. Brett says she’s been married and divorced, and she’s freezing her eggs, because right now, she’s not trying to have a baby. She says she’s not getting in another relationship or getting married unless the guy blows her mind. She’s been dating f***boys, and it’s fun. Brett says, you attract the energy you put out, and asks if she’s a f***girl. In Scheana’s interview, she wonders why she’s doing this interview. He stops filming, and she says she can be happy, single, and getting laid, or fat desperate and looking for love. I guess there’s no in-between? She says she doesn’t want a relationship. He calls her middle-aged again, and she says he keeps aging her. He clearly doesn’t know the definition because she has at least another ten to fifteen years. I get the feeling Brett isn’t the brightest bulb in the box, which is saying a lot since Scheana is no Einstein either.

Lisa explains to her housekeeper that she’s going to her mother’s funeral, staying one more day, and then coming back. In Lisa’s interview, she says the funeral was delayed, and it’s been overwhelming. Puffy! She tells Puffy not to be nervous. She’s going to call her other rescue boy, and see how he’s doing.

James asks Raquel what she’s going to say at the wine party when Lala comes at her. It’s going to be a feeding frenzy. Lisa calls, and asks if he’s doing okay, and he says he’s doing really well. He has a meeting tonight. She says she’s going out to London tomorrow, and just because she’s on the other side of the world, doesn’t mean she won’t know what’s going on. He says he’s taking it seriously. In her interview, Lisa says she doesn’t need another child, but James’s vulnerability tugs at her heartstrings. She’s invested a little in helping to get him there, and he’s going to do it. I want her to adopt me.

Katie makes charcuterie boards for the party. Stassi says, a lot of people are coming; Kristen is going to sh*t her pants. Katie says, life goes on without her, and Stassi says she understands Katie’s logic, but Kristen won’t.

Scheana can’t wait to call Kristen, and give her the news. Kristen says she’s prepping for Jax’s birthday party, and Scheana whines that Brett called her middle-aged. She tells Kristen that she’s heading over to Katie’s for girls wine night. Kristen says, that’s precious. Katie is her wine partner, and not inviting her. Scheana says, Katie has literally invited all of SUR. I forgot to mention, literally is literally every other word with this group, and I’m literally tired of it. If it was a drinking game, we’d be smashed in the first ten minutes of the show. Kristen asks if Lisa is going to be there, and Scheana says Lisa is in London for her mother’s funeral, but maybe she was invited. In Kristen’s interview, she feels like this is bullsh*t. Katie wants crazy Kristen, so she can justify it. She tells her dogs that they’re her two best friends. Which I actually (literally?) don’t think is a bad thing.

The girls start arriving. In her interview, Dayna says she grew up on Mad Dog 2020, and vodka from a box (is that a thing?), so she’ll drink whatever’s there. Scheana says she came in her pajamas; it’s been a long day. She did a YouTube video with Brett, and he called her middle-aged. Stassi says, he’s only two years younger than Scheana. They toast to girls night.

At TomTom, Max tells Tom, everything is good. Jax arrives, and says, the party’s here.

Brittany tells the girls that they’re having Jax’s birthday party at Rocco’s. It’s going to be an 80s theme.

Tom gives Jax a paper shopping bag. Jax takes out some toilet paper. In his interview, he says, if Tom wants to surprise him, show up with a fifth of vodka. There will be consequences.

Brittany wonders who TP’d the house. Jax thinks it’s Beau and Stassi. Stassi thinks it’s Tom, but Ariana says someone came to her house too. Brittany is still friends with Kristen, and asks if they’re still going to be able to hang out. Katie says they still have a wine inventory, but the friendship is off. Lala talks to Scheana on the porch, and says Raquel should feel lucky to be graced with her presence. In Lala’s interview, she wants Raquel to stay in her lane, and let people like her run sh*t. Lala goes inside, and says she wants to have a real talk with Raquel. Because a party is definitely the place to do that. She says she pulled Raquel aside because she as genuinely concerned about James, and wanted to make sure he was okay. Raquel says Lala turned it into an ugly thing, and focused on Logan. Lala says she was speaking; let her finish. Raquel forgot her place, but Lala will steer her back. Raquel says, Logan is obsessed with James. In her interview, she says, this is raw Lala. Lala sees her as vulnerable, and preys on it. If they can’t all agree Lala is a bully, they can agree she’s a bitch. Lala says she set up James with studio sessions, and wouldn’t say anything if she didn’t care. In Charli’s interview, she thinks maybe Lala still likes James, but you can secretly still like someone and secretly hate their girlfriend. I don’t see Lala as still being interested in James that way, but okay. Raquel says, James didn’t drink, and Lala says she’s missing the point, and ran off after she told Lala STFU. At her worst, Raquel is like a yapping chihuahua. Raquel says, Lala is a Rottweiler, and Lala says, no; she’s a Pitbull. Brittany says, they’re scaring her, and Stassi laughs. Lala tells Stassi, stay in her bubble. In Stassi’s interview, she says Lala is her girl, but right now, she has no leg to stand on. Lala says, don’t project on her what they want her to reflect. Huh?

In the car, Raquel tells James that she’s tired; it was a lot of wine. It was awkward. She and Lala argued, and everyone else was quiet. It’s been a week. James says it was weird before the meeting; he felt overwhelmed. He hasn’t shared yet. In his interview, he says he wasn’t sure what to expect, but he’s in a room full of cool people who have realized alcohol isn’t a cool solution to problems. Raquel drives him to a meeting.

Everyone gathers for Jax’s birthday party. Brittany thinks it’s weird how Jax wanted a theme, but he’s not willing to dress up for anyone else’s. Jax comes in looking like a poor man’s Brett Michaels. In his interview, he says he’s a huge 80s buff; it’s his decade. He would have dressed like this anyway. Tom gives Jax a gift, and it’s a samurai sword signed by Randy Jackson. In Tom’s interview, he says when he, Schwartz, and Jax lived together, they watched Step Brothers all the time, and the Will Ferrell character has a samurai sword signed by Randy Jackson. He called Randy’s assistant and had it signed. A producer asks what Jax got Tom for his birthday, and he says, um… He doesn’t think Jax got him anything. Schwartz gives Jax a fake, very lifelike, female foot. In his interview, Schwartz says, Jax likes dirty, filthy, stinky feet. He’s worried there’s a paper trail leading to him buying the foot, and he’s now on a list. Jax tells Brittany that she’s been replaced. Brittany tells Kristen, it was weird with her not being at wine night. It was fun, but crazy. In Kristen’s interview, she says Stassi and Katie were her L.A. family, and she doesn’t understand how you can cut family out. The point is that you stick together no matter what. She tells Brittany, they don’t want anything to do with her. Brittany says she sees both sides, but Kristen doesn’t know what their side is. She’s said things she didn’t mean and apologized, but she thinks they say things they mean.

Raquel waits for James after the meeting. When he gets in the car, he tells her that he shared for the first time. Raquel says, that’s amazing, and in James’s interview, he says his persona is DJ James, the life of the party. It’s been seven years of non-stop partying. Being vulnerable is difficult for him, and it’s going to be a day by day thing. He tells Raquel he was nervous. He felt like she did back in the day, giving a speech to her college class. He’s blessed to have figured it out now.

Randall tells Jax that when you’re in the 40 club with him, it’s not about TP’ing a house. He’s a prank specialist, and tonight a prank cop car is going to be pulling up at Tom’s house and arresting him for vandalism. They’re going to cuff him, put him in the car, then they’ll jump out and say it’s a prank. Lala tells Jax his birthday gift is happening tonight. In her interview, she says, Randall is a prankster specialist. He’s done over 100 films, and pulled a prank on all of them. It’s always epic. Randall says, no one can know.

At Tom’s house, Ariana says she rented a table and chairs. She thinks she might want to stick with rented furniture, since she doesn’t trust anyone not to eff up her house, including Tom. The guests arrive, and she says, RIP her house. Jax brings his own chair, since he won’t sit on the cushions. They have cat hair on them, and he hates cat hair. He yells for music, when two cops come in, and ask to talk to Tom. They pat Tom down, and Jax acts shocked. The cops take Tom outside, and in Jax’s interview, he says they’re genius actors, and look like real cops. For a second, Jax thought he was in trouble. One of the cops asks what Tom knows about a vandalism report, but Tom says he didn’t do anything. The guests move outside, and Schwartz is sure it has to do with parking tickets. The cops tell them to stand back, and put Tom in the car. Ariana asks what it’s about, and one of the cops tells her, it’s about vandalism. Jax insists he didn’t say anything, but one of his neighbors may have. In his interview, Jax says, this is how you do a prank when you’re an adult. Tom will never be number one. He tells Ariana, he didn’t call anyone; it wasn’t him. Randall goes over to the car, and tells Tom, here’s the thing. When you f*** with Jax on his birthday, you f*** with them. Lala says he got them all, and they dance around and high-five each other. Ariana says her heart is beating out of her chest.

Jax thanks the actors, and Katie says she hates them all. Scheana tells Tom that he’s really sweating. In Katie’s interview, she says she doesn’t think it’s funny. Just turn on the news. She asks if she’s the only one who thinks it’s not funny, and Jax says, Tom’s not mad, and that’s all that matters. In Tom’s interview, he says it was one of the best pranks ever, and he’s honored to have it pulled on him. Ariana says she understands where Katie is coming from. In Ariana’s interview, she says some people have a different perspective than others when it comes to their relationship with the police. Joking around like that is in poor taste. Tom says, it’s not a big deal. Katie says they can’t expect no one to react, and Schwartz tells her to shut up. She says she doesn’t think it’s funny, but Schwartz says it was a great moment. They’re laughing, and no one gives a sh*t about her opinion. Tom tells him not to talk to his wife that way.

Katie wonders if she’s the only person who associates this with something really terrible, and Ariana says she gets where Katie is coming from. Schwartz says he’s never been more turned off in his life. This is why he doesn’t have sex with her. Beau says, don’t do this, and Schwartz says he’s not looking for Beau to agree with him; she’s a moron. In Beau’s interview, he says, it’s one thing to have a drunken argument with your significant other – he’s experienced that – but the way Schwarz is talking is venom. In Katie’s interview, she says, the last time Schwartz spoke to her like that was in Mexico. We flash back to Schwartz saying her voice is a cacophony. She says, the only difference is, this time he’s being mean and degrading in front of all their friends. Schwartz walks out, calling Katie an idiot, and Tom says Schwartz is being an a-hole. Schwartz tells Katie, let’s go, but she says she’s not going with him.

Next time, Beau tells Stassi that he’s doing everything on his time, Schwartz says things are still tense, and Brett wants to hang out with Dayna.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian asks if there’s any chance Alex had his baby. Talk to him. She says, no, and he says he’s not judging. She says, goodbye, and starts to walk, but he calls her back. She says she doesn’t want to talk about this, and tries to go into her house, but the door is locked. She says she left her keys, but he says he has them. She asks what the hell is wrong with him? and he says she left them on the grass. She says she doesn’t want to wake her kids up; give her the keys. He says he wants answers. Can the baby be his? She says, that’s impossible; they never slept together. He asks if she really wants to do this. He knows a lawyer. Don’t make him go that route and request a DNA test. She asks why he’d do that, and he says he wants answers; that’s all. She asks if he’d really get a court order, and he says, if he has a child out there, he would. She says, no way the baby is his, and he asks how she knows. She says they only had sex once.

He says she’s admitting it, but she says she doesn’t want to talk there. He suggests they go in her house, but she says, no. She’d rather go to his. They go inside, and it’s not unlike Tom’s house on Vanderpump Rules, since he has no furniture yet. He says, so? She says, it was her, and he thanks her for being honest. She says the baby’s not his, and he says, he gets it. He doesn’t want it to be either, but they should know. Alex says she doesn’t need this now, and Ian says, him neither. He asks if she wants a drink, and she says she does. He brings out a box, and says he wants her to promise first that she’ll talk. She starts to cry, and he asks if she’s okay. She cries harder, and tells him, just find the alcohol. She doesn’t care what it is at this point.

Natalie feels bad, but Lushion says, Alex made her bed; it’s done. He looks out the window, and says, what the hell? Someone is over at Kelly’s. He’s going to check, and she tells him, be careful. He tells her to stay there, and goes outside. He sees a man holding a paper bag, and looking in Kelly’s front window. He draws his gun. He tells the guy, put his hands up and put the bag down. The guy says he lives there, but Lushion says he doesn’t. He says he’s just moving in, and Lushion says, somebody else lives there. What’s his name? The guy says, Durrell; he’s Justice’s father. Lushion asks if he’s got ID, and Durrell says it’s in his back pocket. Lushion says, slowly, and Durrell holds out his wallet. Lushion looks at the ID, and puts away his gun. He asks why Durrell is snooping around, and Durrell says his mother told him that Kelly left the key; he knows the alarm code. Lushion asks if Justice can ID him, but he says Justice doesn’t really know him. Lushion tells him, hands behind his back. Keep it easy, and they’ll clear this up. Lushion cuffs him, and says, relax; take a seat. Durrell sits on the curb, and Lushion calls Natalie, asking her to come out. He meets her halfway, and she asks, what’s going on? He says the guy says he’s Justice’s father. Does she know him? She says, no, but he looks like Justice. Lushion says, he just got out of jail, and she asks how he knows. Lushion says, slippers and a paper bag. She says Kelly did tell her that he was in jail, but Justice doesn’t know him. He asks if Kelly said anything about leaving a key, and she says Kelly did say she was worried and told him he could move in. Maybe it is him. Lushion tells her, stay there. He asks Durrell if he’s got proof he knows Kelly, and Durrell says there are pictures in his wallet. Lushion looks at them, and says, that’s a long time ago. Durrell says he’s been away a while, and Lushion unlocks the cuffs. He asks if Durrell was in jail. Durrell says, yeah, and Lushion says, yes, sounding like Judge Judy. He says he can’t let Durrell in until he finds out it’s okay. Durrell asks where he’s supposed to go tonight; he just got out, and doesn’t have money. Lushion says he can’t let Durrell in until he makes sure he’s supposed to stay there. In a couple hours it will be daylight, and he can come back. If Kelly says it’s okay, he’ll let Durrell in. If Durrell was Lushion, he’d do the same thing. Durrell picks up his bag, and says, all right. He strolls off, and Natalie says, Lushion isn’t letting him in? Lushion says he thought she was from the hood. She says she is, but she thinks it’s him. Lushion says, Kelly has been through enough. One night at a bus station won’t kill him. She says, that’s cold. She feels bad, but Lushion says he doesn’t.

Ian says Alex doesn’t want another, does she? She says she does, and he says, it’s strong, but she says she doesn’t care. He thinks she needs to lay off the liquor, but she thinks he needs to stop telling her what to do. He says she’s drunk, and she says he’s not drunk, and pours more into his glass. He says, fair enough, and they clink glasses. She says she remembered him the moment she saw him, but was hoping he wouldn’t remember. He asks, why? Because she was married? She says, it’s not that. She hates being a wife (surprising us all), but she’s not a bad person. He tells her, he didn’t say she was, and she says she doesn’t want kids. He says she has three, and she says, because she did everything her father, mother, and Brad wanted her to do. She felt trapped, so every time Brad was at work, and she was supposed to be at a PTA meeting or whatever, she met men like him. He asks, how many? and she says, a lot. Go ahead. Judge all he wants. He says he’s not; it’s fine. She says she never wanted this life. She didn’t want to be married. She wanted to be an actress. He says she’s pretty damn good, and she says she has to be now. Her father told her it was stupid, and she should get married and have babies because she had no talent and no chance. That was after he raped her every night. Ian is shocked, and she says he wanted to talk; let’s talk – about all of it. She pours herself some more, saying, she grew up with a backwoods country-ass way of thinking. Her mother actually said it was okay. He says he’s so sorry, and she says she watched her family nearly murder Black people. They hated that she went to school with them. Ian says maybe she was sleeping with Black men to get back at them, but she says, it has nothing to do with that. She thinks they’re beautiful, and loves how their skin is gorgeous and soft. He says, no more for her, and she says he’s right. No more talking about this bullsh*t; she’s done. He says she’s not doing anything stupid, and she says, why the hell should she deal with this, raising Brad’s kids. He says they’re her kids too, but she says she’s tired of all this sh*t. She’s had enough. She’s going to be free, and go do whatever she wants with whoever she want to do it with. He says when she wakes up sober, she’s going to realize she said too much. She asks why he isn’t drunk, and pours more into his glass. He says he’s buzzed, but she says, not enough; drink. She downs hers, and he moves the empty glass away. He suggests she let him take her home, but she says she doesn’t want to go right now. He says, what about her kids? and she says, they’re fine with the babysitter. He takes her hands, and she pulls him toward the kitchen island. She says, please, she wants this. It was so good; she wants to do it again. She unzips his pants, and gets on her knees. He says, no, but…

Larry gets home, bringing along another guy, and Eddie is waiting. He says, what are you ladies up to? and Larry says Eddie was there ahead of him, and knows when he left. The other guy goes inside, and Eddie asks who this one is. Larry says Eddie isn’t ready for that. Why is he there? Eddie says he wants to talk about some things. Andrew, Joe, and Pete. Larry asks if he’s been drinking, and Eddie says, more than drinking. He did some good blow tonight. Larry says he must be pretty high, and Eddie says he could say that. He saw Larry’s wife leaving; is there a problem? Larry says she goes to the country house on weekends, and he brings home the boys when she’s gone. Eddie thinks it’s sick, twisted sh*t, and Larry says, it is; they love it. Almost as much as they love each other. What does Eddie want? To come in? Eddie says, hell no, and Larry asks why Eddie is wasting his time. Eddie says he’s there to find out about those specific names, and Larry asks what he wants to know. Eddie asks if they’re with the FBI, and Larry says he doesn’t know. Eddie asks if Larry is playing games with him, and Larry says he doesn’t play games. He invites Eddie in again, but Eddie says he’s not into that kinky sh*t. Larry says Eddie is pretty sick too. It was the last reason Eddie was there, and the only reason he’s there now. He gave Eddie the privilege of taking control and making him beg. He respects that. Is Eddie ready to beg? Let him know. Eddie acts mad at the world, but what he wants is to be punished. Let Larry punish him. He’ll make him feel so bad by making him feel good. Eddie says the only reason he’s there is Esperanza and the dudes who came against him. Nothing is going to stop him. Larry says, sounds like fun, and Eddie says, keep pushing him, and see how much fun he is. Larry says he can’t wait, and goes inside.

A nurse whose name I can’t remember, tells Rick to go home. He says he wants to talk to her about Kelly. She’s back in jail, and going through a hard time. She says she’s not helping any more, and don’t tell Kelly to fake chest pains. He asks if she doesn’t talk to Sister Margaret, the chaplain. Did Margaret tell her the names of the girls? She says she’s not talking to him, and starts to walk away, but he grabs her arm. He says, they got her too, but she says she’s not talking. He gives her a piece of paper, and says, it’s Lushion’s phone number. Help them. She says that church is crazy, and they know everyone; the mayor, the garbageman, even her ex=boyfriend. She can’t tell him anything. He says she can’t let Kelly go down, but she says she doesn’t know Kelly, and Kelly shot him. Rick says she doesn’t know what he did to Kelly, and she says not to use her name. He says, fine, coward, and she says, call her whatever he wants. She’s not messing with that church. On second thought, if he takes her out and buys her some drinks, maybe she’ll talk. He tells her, bring her dancing shoes and a nice dress.

Margaret visits Kelly, but Kelly says she doesn’t want to talk to her. Margaret says she wants to say a prayer, and the guard lets her in. Kelly tells her, get away from her cell. The guard leaves, and Kelly calls him back, but he ignores her. Margaret tells Kelly, come sit, but Kelly says she won’t. Margaret says, before the guard comes back, and Kelly sits. She asks what Margaret wants, and Margaret says she’s helping Kelly; praying for her. Kelly laughs, and Margaret hands her a Bible, telling her, read this. It’s her gift to Kelly. Margaret calls to the guard, and Kelly says she knew Margaret didn’t want to pray; hypocrites. Margaret tells her, open the bible, and she does. Kelly flips through it, and takes out several pictures. She looks on the backs of them, and Margaret says, God bless you. Wrong is wrong, and she is praying. Kelly thanks her, and hugs her. Margaret says, she’s going to be all right, and when she is, don’t look back. It’s time for Kelly to get back to church. Get back to praying and believing again. She’s stronger than all this. Stop being sorry for herself and being a victim. Take it by force. The kingdom suffers violence, and the violent take it by force (Matthew 11:12). Kelly says she hears her, and Margaret says, good. God bless her.

Tanya and husband Bennett watch TV. Tanya asks Bennett why he keeps looking out. (Refresher: Bennett trashed Randall’s house at the end of last season.) She says, stop looking at him. He’s looked enough at her already. Bennett says he’ll tell Randall to stop, but she says he’s not going to. She already told him to stop. Bennett says he can make Randall stop, and she asks, how? He says he just will, and she says, like in the last neighborhood? He tore that man’s house apart. He says they were talking about her, and she says he can’t get mad. She gives them enough to talk about. He tells her, don’t worry. Randall won’t bother her again, but she says he’s not the kind that will stop. Bennett says, he will, and she says she’s going to bed. He tells her that he’s staying up a little. He promises Randall won’t bother her. He looks out the window.

Steven and Esperanza cuddle on the couch. He says, it’s her night, and she says, after they watched his movie. He asks if she wants him to stay because of Eddie, or because she wants him to stay. She asks if she looks afraid. He says he’ll stay every night, or he can be out sleeping in his car. She says that would defeat the purpose, and he says he can sleep on the couch. She tells him, read between the lines. She wants him to stay in her bed, naked. He says, as good as it sounds, he doesn’t want her kicking him out in an hour. She says he’s living in the past. She wants to spend time together, and not worry about what happened before. He says, what about her daughter? and she says she’s been thinking about that. The best thing is for her to bring her daughter to her mom’s until this thing with Eddie is over. Does he want drive up there to Columbus? He says they’ve got themselves a road trip, and they kiss. He gets a text, and she makes him give her the phone. She reads, what’s up, stud? and asks who Anna is. He asks if she’s jealous, and she says, a little bit, and deletes Anna’s number because she doesn’t like her name. He says he doesn’t think his sister is going to like that. She wants him to call his sister, and he says, no. He’s sleepy, and they’re not exclusive. They’re just enjoying each other very much. They get busy.

Randall calls Marcie, who answers, yes? He asks if that’s all she’s got to say. She destroyed his house. She asks what he’s talking about, and he asks if she got Brad to do it. She says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. She only picked up because she likes to taunt him. He says she did more than that, and she says he’s talking crazy. He tells her, don’t hang up, but she says, bye. A car parks in front of Randall, and Brad gets out and goes inside.

Brad asks if Marcie is okay. She says she is, but Randall keeps calling. He asks why she keeps answering, and she says she likes to taunt him. He says she shouldn’t do that. He asks if Randall has been there, and she says, no; why would he be? Brad says, someone destroyed Randall’s house, but she says she doesn’t know what happened. He tells her that Alex signed the divorce papers. That means he can officially pursue her. He kisses her, and she says she hasn’t seen his full court press. She tells him, she’s starving, and he says he’ll make something. He gets up, but his phone rings. He says it’s Chelsea, his babysitter, and he asks, what’s going on? Chelsea says his wife was supposed to be back hours ago, and she has to leave. She tried calling, but Alex isn’t answering. He asks if the kids and baby are asleep, and she tells him they are. He says he’ll be right over. He tells Marcie that Alex still isn’t home, and she says Alex is probably trying to trick him, but he says she knows better than that. She asks if he’s going, and he says he has to. Otherwise, the kids will be there by themselves. She tells him to try Alex again, but he gets voicemail, and hangs up. Marcie tells him to try from the landline, but he still gets voicemail. Marcie calls and leaves a message that Alex’s kids are looking for her. Where the hell are you, bitch? Brad says, she’s not helping, and Marcie thinks Alex knows they’re together. He tells her to relax; it’s about his kids. She apologizes for making it about her, and he leaves. She says, bitch.

Randall sees Brad leave. Marcie says she hopes the bitch is dead, and calls Alex. She says Alex thinks she’s going to win this thing by dragging Brad out in the middle of the night, but it’s not going to work, ho. She hangs up, but decides to fill up Alex’s damn voicemail. Randall watches as Brad pulls away. He gets out of the car, and goes in the side door. He knocks, and Marcie asks if Brad forgot his key. Randall busts in, and grabs Marcie.

Next time, Esperanza finds Eddie in bed with her and Steven; Kelly tells Lushion the Bible had pictures of women and information on settlements in it; and Lushion and Brad go to Ian’s house looking for Alex.

😥 Sniff…

It looks like this will be the final season of If Loving You is Wrong. After we waited a year. It’s like Game of Thrones all over again.

🏥 Scheduling Details…

The skinny on how GH is handling this new normal.

🧼 On a High…

More than one kind of soap seems to be popular these days.

📯 FYI, Andy Cohen is apparently none the worse for the wear, and back at work, doing Watch What Happens Live from his home office.

😴 Good Thing I Don’t Need Sleep…

Oh, wait… Stay safe out there.

March 24, 2020 – Jordan Makes a Confession, Tom’s Extra Party, RIP Daug & My Stride


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Chase, wearing a bandage on his nose, lets Brook out of her cell. She asks why he’s being so nice, and he says he figured she needed a break. He shows her his phone, with a picture of him arresting her The Invader.

On the phone, Valentin tells Linc, no more excuses. He needs the shares, before Michael and the Quartermaines realize he’s acquiring a majority in their family business.

Ned looks at the picture in The Invader, and says he spoke with the other shareholders. They’re in agreement that they need to act quickly to mitigate the damage. Michael thinks their best option is to cut their losses.

Lucy tells Maxie to keep her eyes closed, and leads her to her new office, which is basically an empty room with a desk in it. She says, ta-da! Maxie says, it’s a little sparse, and Sasha tells her to envision it with all her special touches. Lucy says Maxie has the insight, talent, and vision to transform their offices completely to their own. Maxie thanks her for the vote of confidence. She’s always had vision. It’s what she does.

Nina tells someone on the phone that she needs somebody to fill in for Maxie. She wants them to reach out to New York, Los Angeles, and even Paris. The other line starts to ring, and she says, in the meantime, she needs an assistant who can answer phones, and she needs them yesterday. Nelle comes in, and Nina asks how she got in there. Never mind. Just turn around and remove herself. Or she could call Carly, who would be more than willing to send over security. Nelle says, that’s a little harsh. It must be one of those days. She knows the feeling, but thinks they can help each other.

Harmony and Willow are having breakfast at Kelly’s, and Willow says they only had to reschedule four times to make it work. Harmony apologizes for being busy. She wishes she could support Willow more. Willow says she’s taking it day by day. The best way to honor her baby is to devote herself to the living; her students, and helping Michael with Wiley. Harmony is proud of her, and says she’s throwing herself into her work at Turning Woods too. She’s grateful to be able to give back. Willow says they should devote time to themselves too, and suggests going for a ride in Harmony’s new car.

Sonny knocks on Jordan’s door, and Curtis says, it’s not the best time. Sonny says, Cyrus has TJ, doesn’t he? Curtis asks if that’s what Jordan has been keeping inside, and Sonny tells her that she’d better say something. Curtis asks if TJ has been kidnapped, and Jason says, tell him. Jordan says, don’t they think if she knew a butcher like Cyrus was holding her son, she’d do something? Sonny says she already did. By keeping silent. How far does she want to go? When is she going to stop making everyone her enemy, and tell them the truth? She can’t stay silent. Jordan says, yes. Cyrus and his people have her son. She collapses into Curtis’s arms, and cries.

Brook reads, how many ELQs does it take to screw up a great company? One. Great. She’s a real joke. Chase asks, isn’t the first thing you learn as a celebrity not to read the comments? She says, first of all, she isn’t a celebrity, and second, why would he show this to her? He says he figured she’d see it as soon as she got her own phone back. He says, it’s cyberspace, which makes it open season for jerks. She says, easy for him to say. He’s just a cop, and no one important. Sorry. That came out wrong. He says, no problem. She says, all she did was stand up to Lulu when she weaponized a harmless Facebook post against ELQ. She’d like to see what Lulu has to say when her family hits her with a defamation suit.

Ned tells Michael, if Mertin Med Tech pulls out, it will crater their pharmaceutical division, and the damage could spread. Michael says, it’s better to blow the deal than give them more concessions, and they can write off the loss. Olivia says, Michael has a point. However it happened, sensitive documents were posted online. Ned says, it happened because Brook wasn’t focused on her job. Michael says, in Brook’s defense, it probably wasn’t the best idea to give her such sensitive information when she just started. Ned says, so it’s his fault? Michael asks why Ned is getting defensive, and Ned asks why Michael is being so self-righteous. Michael tells Ned, all he’s saying is, when he’s training someone new, he tries not to give them more than they can handle. Ned says, Michael means when he was CEO. So much for Michael taking a step back and handing Ned the reins

Nina says she has no desire to help Nelle. The last time she did, she lived to regret it. So, buh-bye. She pushes Nelle out, but Nelle immediately comes back, telling Nina that she’s being shortsighted. Word on the street is, Maxie left to go to a start-up. Nina tells her, she wishes Maxie well at Deception, and Nelle says, so Nina said in the press release. Still, it must hurt, Maxie being her sister-in-law and all. Nina asks why Nelle is concerned, and Nelle says Nina has an opening, and she’s just the woman to fill it.

Maxie says she needs to free up the creative process; which means avoiding clutter without making the workplace look generic or sterile. Sasha suggests incorporating the organic natural aspect of their products. Lucy tells them, she only has sparkling water. They have so much to do, she’ll save the bubbly for later. She hands them each a cup of water, and proposes a toast. To Maxie’s first day, and the beginning of a beautiful, fantastically successful relationship. To Deception. They all say, cheers, and clink plastic cups. Valentin walks in, and says, good. He’s here in time for the celebration.

Willow tells Harmony that Jason asked about her car. She told him she didn’t know anything about it. She didn’t see how Harmony could afford a new car. Harmony says, it’s  not new new. It’s a 2019 model. Willow says, and she already brought it to a garage? Harmony tells her, Brando said it was the sensor was connected to the gas cap or something, but everything is fine. Willow says, is it? Is Harmony fine?

Jordan tells Sonny, she knew Cyrus was targeting families. Look what he did to Sonny’s son, and Taggert’s daughter. Then when TJ went missing… Curtis says, so the text from TJ, saying he just needed some time, TJ never did that. Jordan says she desperately wanted believe the texts were from TJ, but she had an awful feeling. When she went to see Cyrus in Pentenville, a photo was sent to her phone. It was of TJ, tied up in an anonymous room. He’d been beaten. Sonny says, it fits the pattern. He went after Michael, and Taggert’s daughter. So when she saw TJ, she knew she had to cooperate. She says, that’s why she sent Stella away. After Curtis left, someone delivered Cyrus’s message in person. It was the person last person she would have suspected. Jason says, Harmony, and she asks how he knew. He says he ran into her, and she was really nervous. He checked with Willow, who said Harmony had been distancing herself, and Harmony and Cyrus’s time overlapped in Pentenville. He asks what Harmony told Jordan, and she says, if she ever wanted to see her son, she’d do what Cyrus wanted.

Brook wonders why charges aren’t being brought against her, and Chase says it might have been because he gave them the context of the fight between her and Lulu, and mentioned it was an accident that she hit him. She says that was decent of him, especially since it’s the second time she’s clocked him. He tells her, try not to make it a trifecta, and she promises she’s learned her lesson. She says, it’s best Lulu stay away from her altogether. The hypocrisy is staggering. Lulu lived in her family’s house as a teenager, and Lulu’s ex-mother-in-law is married to her dad. How can Lulu stab her family in the back like that? Speaking of family, she supposes it’s time that she faced them.

Olivia asks if Ned and Michael want to dial it back. They’re on the same side. Michael says, Olivia is right. Ned is acting CEO, and should deal with it how he sees fit. He’ll back whatever decision Ned makes. He’s going upstairs to work on his dad skills. Ned apologizes. He realizes Michael was just trying to help. Michael says he knows Ned is upset, and just trying to do what’s right for the company. He goes upstairs, and Olivia says,  that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Nina tells Nelle, let her clarify. Maxie’s title was creative director, which was commensurate with her salary and talent. None of which Nelle has. Nina is only telling her this, because her assistant wasn’t around to prevent Nelle from barging in. She’s probably in Maxie’s department, trying to help out until Nina fills the position. Nelle says, that explains why Nina is without a gatekeeper. Lucky for Nina, she’s willing to accept an entry level position. How great would it be if she was stationed out front? Nina wonders why Nelle is suddenly so determined to get gainful employment. It’s not because of what Nina needs; it’s about what Nelle needs. Could it be because she’s in the middle of custody battle, and needs to shore up her public image for the court?

Maxie wonders if Valentin got off on the wrong floor. He has no place there. Sasha says they have worked to do. He says he knows, but first days are so exciting. He wanted to personally congratulate Maxie, and welcome her to their team. Maxie asks what he’s talking about, and he says Lucy hasn’t told her? Lucy says she was going to send out an internal memo, and Valentin says Deception was in need of capital, and he’s always looking for a lucrative business opportunity. It’s a win-win for everyone. Lucy smiles tentatively.

Jordan says, she convinced herself that if she went along with Cyrus just once, keep the surveillance, but move it just enough to leave an opening, that it wasn’t her fault if one of Cyrus’s trucks drove through. She could keep pretending she was doing her job, and maybe Cyrus would keep his word, and her son would and come back to her. Sonny knows where she’s coming from. Sometimes desperation clouds judgement. There’s more to this than just a drug shipment. Cyrus told him personally that he came to Port Charles for personal reasons; he meant her. Curtis says he’s there for her, whatever decision she makes, but it seems they’ve got a common enemy. They won’t stop Cyrus unless they all work together. Jordan looks worried and sick.

Back at the Quartermaine mansion, Brook says, there’s no place like home. It’s better than a jail cell. Michael says, sometimes you have to lose something to truly appreciate it. Brook wants to soak in a tub, and have a late breakfast. Then when she feels like herself again, they can all put their heads together, and combat Lulu’s treachery. She asks if Olivia is in, and Olivia says she’s definitely disappointed in Lulu. It’s bad enough Lulu was acting out of spite, but she didn’t consider how it would affect the people close to her. Rocco spends half his life there. You’d think she’d take that into consideration. Brook says, Lulu only cares about Lulu. Lulu started the fight by spraying champagne on her. Olivia asks if Brook is saying she’s the victim, and Brook says, hell yeah. They have to do everything they can to fight her. Call the lawyers. Michael says, sometimes the best response is no response, and Brook says, they’re Quartermaines, and aren’t lying down, but Ned says, it’s not a personal perspective; it’s a business perspective. Brook says, it’s personal to her. Have they seen what people are saying about her? Ned says, yes, and so have their business partners. He has no choice but to acknowledge her mistake, and terminate her employment, effective immediately.

Maxie says Valentin is bluffing. There’s no way Lucy asked the least trustworthy person on the planet to be an investor. Lucy says, Valentin’s significant investment is allowing Deception to relaunch in style. Does it matter who the benefactor is, when it’s benefacting all of them? Sasha says, she’s a partner too, and should have been told, and Maxie says she should have told before she signed on. Valentin assures them, his checks will never bounce, but Maxie says, it’s not the money she’s worried about, but him. She wouldn’t have agreed if she knew about this. Lucy says, truth be told, her hiring is what prompted this. Maxie marched into Crimson, and told Nina that Lucy had hired her, which led to Nina pulling the plug on their partnership. Lucy picked Maxie over Crimson, and she’s fine with that, but she had to remain in business. Sasha says, and in walks Valentin, and Lucy says, a dark knight with sort of tarnished armor. Sasha asks if it’s Valentin’s way of getting back at Nina, or of getting Nina back?

Nelle tells Nina, it’s bad enough Brad stole her son the moment after she gave birth, but now she has to fight Michael, the Corinthoses, and the Quartermaines to get her son back.  They’re all hypocrites, and now she has to prove she’s fit in the eyes of the court. She intends to prove she’s a responsible parent, rooted in the community, with a steady job. Nina says, good luck with that, and Nelle says she knew it was a risk, but she figured if anyone understood what it was like to have a child who was alive and kept from them, it would be Nina. She guesses she was wrong. Nelle leaves, and Nina sits at her desk, and looks at the necklace.

Willow tells Harmony, whatever is going on, tell her. Harmony says, there’s nothing to tell, and Willow says, please don’t lie. Harmony says she’s fine, but Willow says she’s not. She knows it, and Chase knows it. Harmony says she knows Chase doesn’t like her. She doesn’t blame him. She made mistakes where Willow is concerned, and Chase will always see her in a negative light. Willow says she’s been defending Harmony. Harmony put the past behind her, but in the last month, Harmony has been impossible to connect with. Then she hears Harmony got a new car. She doesn’t know what’s going on. She can tell Harmony is worried, and wants to help. Harmony remembers Jordan asking what Cyrus has on her, and Harmony explaining Cyrus pulled strings to get her into the early release program, so she’d have a chance to be her daughter. Jordan doubts it’s out of the goodness of Cyrus’s heart, and Harmony says, Cyrus had her cornered. If she messes up, it’s not just her who pays. Jordan says, people have already been killed. Harmony is an accomplice to kidnapping and extortion. Does she have any idea how big a risk she’s taking? Back in the present, Harmony says Willow should be leaning on her, not the other way around. When Willow came into her life, she knew she’d been given a very special gift, and there’s nothing she won’t do for Willow.

Jordan tells Sonny, she volunteered to go undercover, and infiltrate Cyrus’s syndicate. She was willing to do anything to show she belonged with the best of the best at the DEA. They were a team of four, and they went deep undercover. She worked on the inside, and became indispensable to Cyrus, and gained his trust. His syndicate was like a spider web, going from city to city, town to town. She saw lives destroyed, and lost her ideals. She developed a ruthlessness and tunnel vision like Cyrus. He lived to expand his territory, and she lived to shut him down. The others on the task force took risks on the outside, and sacrificed themselves in different ways, but Cyrus kept winning. The drugs kept flowing, and people kept dying. They had to do something. Sonny says, they framed Cyrus and planted evidence. She says, the evidence they planted sent Cyrus to prison. They thought it was over, but it was far from over.

Brook says, Ned is going to throw her under the bus? Olivia says, Lulu didn’t put the documents on Facebook; Brook did. Ned says he could have told PR to divert the story, but Brook compounded it by having a public brawl. Brook says she was provoked. She tells Michael, come on, but Michael says he’s not acting CEO. Ned says it can’t be shrugged off. The vote was unanimous. Brook tells Ned, he’s the one who’s always saying family supports you, no matter what, but Ned says, this is more a business factor than family. She says he’s CEO; he has clout. He can change his call, and support her. Isn’t that what fathers do? Give you tough love, then a big hug? He dished out the tough love; where’s the hug?

Valentin assures Sasha, this has nothing to do with Nina. It’s a business venture, and a good one. Maxie says because he’s devoted to lip gloss, and he says, if there’s money in it, yeah. He writes the checks, but he’s behind the scenes; a silent partner. Sasha says she’s also a partner. That makes him her partner. Given what happened last time, she’s leery of joining forces again. Lucy asks if they can take this as just a dress rehearsal. You know what they say; bad rehearsal, great opening night. Sasha says she may have to rethink her involvement, and starts to leave, but Valentin calls to her. He says she may not want to admit it, but they were a good team once, and they can do it again.

Willow tells Harmony that she’s okay, but gets the feeling Harmony isn’t. Chase joins them, and asks if everything is okay. Harmony says, perfect timing. She asks what happened to his nose, and he says, occupational hazard. He’s fine. Harmony says she understands he has doubts about her. What can she do to reassure him? He says, her actions speak louder than words, and Harmony says, that’s true. She’ll always do what she can for Willow, even if it isn’t the easy thing. Willow says she doesn’t have to do anything but live a good life and tell the truth. Harmony says they’ve had so much loss, and lost so much time. If she could go back and change things… She’s just happy to know Willow is safe with Chase no matter what happens to her.

Jordan says, after Cyrus was convicted and sent to prison based on their evidence, there was no celebration; no high-fives. They knew they’d crossed the line, and compromised their principles. But they’d stopped the death and bloodshed, and went their separate ways. They hoped it was over, but it wasn’t. It took Cyrus a while to piece it together. He was biding his time. He knew who betrayed him, and when he figured out who they really were, he picked them off one by one. Jason says, Jordan is still standing, and Sonny says Cyrus let Jordan live. Jordan says she was the one who got closest to Cyrus. She earned his trust. Sonny says, then she became the ultimate betrayer. Cyrus let her live so she could watch her city become a war zone. Jordan says Cyrus has her son. She had to make sure she followed orders. Curtis says, letting the shipment through was a test. Cyrus Renault wants something bigger.  

Sasha storms into the Quartermain mansion, and Michael says, trouble at work? She tells him, he might say that. She thought she’d seen the last of Valentin, but he’s Deception’s new angel investor. He gave Lucy the funding she needs in exchange… Michael says, for shares in the company. She says, her company. Her lifeboat. The thing that was going to turn her life around, and give her a career. He says, she had no idea? and she says, none. Michael says he has no use for Valentin, but to be honest, he’s a smart businessman. If she puts her personal issues aside, he could be good for Deception. She says that’s easy for Michael to say. He doesn’t have to work with Valentin. Michael suggests they go upstairs and check on Wiley. It will help take her mind off Valentin. She tells him, lead the way.

Brook says, Ned knows how much she wanted to make this work. All her ideas… Is he really turning his back on her? Olivia says, in all fairness, it’s not all on Brook’s dad. Brook tells her, stay out of it, but Olivia says, knock it off, and quit feeling sorry for herself. She blew a major deal, it cost the company millions of dollars, and she was fired. That’s what happens in the real world. Ned says he understands, but it’s bigger than both of them. ELQ has responsibilities to shareholders, and they’re partners with other businesses. Michael was right; he set her up to fail. He threw her in the mix before she was trained. He owns that, but part of owning his mistake is not repeating it. Brook says, so she’s fired? and he says, she’s fired. She says, so much for family loyalty, and walks out.

There’s a knock at Nina’s office door, and she says, thank God; come in. Nelle gives Nina a list of urgent messages, saying, the rest are in the folder. She thought they would have updated their phone system by now, but she’s not complaining. Nina says she thought her assistant was back, and Nelle says, no, but she’s still there. She thought she’d give Nina time to think about what she said, and make herself useful in the meantime. Nina gives her points for initiative, but… Nelle says she’s not claiming she’s perfect; far from it. But why does her child deserve to suffer? Doesn’t he deserve to grow up with a mother’s love, like every other kid? Nina says the last time she employed Nelle, she attempted to blackmail Valentin. Nelle says she’s grown up a lot since then. She’s served her time, and taken stock of her life. She has a second chance with her kid, and she has to get custody. Nothing is more important, even her pride. That’s why she’s laid her cards on the table. Now that she has, she’s leaving for real. She’s sorry to have wasted Nina’s valuable time. She starts to go, but Nina says, wait. She’s not finished.

Willow asks why should something happen to Harmony? Is she sick? Harmony says, no; she’s fine. It’s just that there are no guarantees in life. You can walk out the door and get hit by a car crossing the street. Chase says, it helps to look both ways, and Harmony says, she’ll do her best. Just promise to take care of each other. She thanks Willow for breakfast, and says she has to get going. She leaves, and Willow tells Chase, now she knows something is wrong. He says, it sounded like the start of a confession to him.

Jordan says, Cyrus expects her to get him out of prison, and Curtis says, she’s the Commissioner, but how the hell is she supposed to get him out? Sonny says, it won’t require anything so dramatic, and Curtis says, no. She’s not confessing. They’ll find another way. She says, there is no other way. She loves him for wanting to protect her, but she did this. Cyrus isn’t going to set TJ free until he gains freedom for himself.

Ned tells Olivia, he knows it’s in the best interest of ELQ, and by extension, the family, but it still feels terrible. Olivia says, in time, Brook might understand, and she might learn something. Ned tells her, that’s what grandfather used to say. It didn’t feel good to hear it or say it, yet here he is.

Brook calls Linc, and says she changed her mind. If he’s still interested in her ELQ shares, he’s got a deal. She walks out of the house.

Nelle tells Nina that she doesn’t have time to listen to Nina repeat the lies and smears against her. There are pages of haters on social media platforms. Congratulations on turning her life around. It’s too bad Nina isn’t giving her the same chance. Nina remembers Willow telling her that Nelle is suing for custody of Michael’s son, and asking for Nina’s help. Nina says she’s not sure what Willow thinks she can do, and Willow says, help expose Nelle in the magazine. Let the world see Nelle for the murdering psycho and unfit mother she is. Nina tells Nelle, she’s right. She was given a second chance, and it’s time to pay it forward. Nelle asks what Nina is saying, and Nina says, she’s hired.

Michael yells to Sasha that he’s pulling the car around. They have to take Wiley to the hospital.

Lucy tells Maxie, think. At least Sasha said she’d think about it. Don’t be hasty. Maxie says the only hasty thing she’s done, is give Nina that stupid ultimatum. Maybe she can plead the family card. Valentin says, if Maxie goes back now, Nina will never respect her. Maxie tells him to take his own advice; she doesn’t need it. He says, it’s not about Nina. Forget about Nina, and forget about him. Maxie was right in asking more for herself. Opportunity knocks once. Don’t let anyone keep her from answering. Certainly not him. Lucy tells Maxie, he’s right; please think about it, and runs after Valentin.

Chase says he knows Willow thinks the cop in him is too suspicious sometimes. She says not this time. Something is going on. Her mother is talking like they may never see each other again. Something is burdening her. Chase asks if she has any ideas, and she wishes she knew. The more Harmony tried to reassure her, the more she was sure Harmony was keeping something big from her.

Curtis says he’s looking at Jason. Tell his wife there’s another way. That he and Jason will find TJ and get him out. Jordan says she knows what she’s doing. The only way to save TJ, is to give Cyrus what he’s wanted all along; his freedom and a full exoneration. Sonny says, that’s exactly what she has to do.

Tomorrow, Nelle tells Carly that she’s got a job, Molly wonders why Jordan didn’t say she was talking to TJ, and Sonny says they can’t retaliate.

Vanderpump Rules

Jax and Brittany are home. He says it’s their first time they’re entering the house as a married couple, and she says he has to carry her over the threshold. He does, and she says they’re man and wife. They kiss.

At TomTom, Schwarz tells Max that he heard Saturday was decent. Max says Schwartz is alive, and Schwartz says, barely. Max tells him that he still smells like liquor.

At SUR, Dayna asks Ariana and Tom to tell her everything. Tom says, it was awesome, and Ariana says, it was hot, referring to the temperature. I think.

Schwartz tells Max, he’s mourning the loss of his lizard, and might have a memorial pool party. In his interview, Schwartz says he and Daug had only known each other for three weeks, but they had an instant connection. He fell for Daug right away, and Daug became part of the family. Max says he’s considering getting an R.I.P Daug tattoo, but Schwartz advises against it. He asks if there’s anything going on, and Max says he and Dayna had a blowout. He’s bummed, but he’s not apologizing.

Tom asks if Dayna talked to Max, and she says she apologized. In her interview, she says Max didn’t accept her apology. He doesn’t want to be together, and now they’re not speaking. Tom says at least they haven’t been together for years, and Ariana says when you’ve only known each other a short time, it’s hard to know if they’re being honest. You don’t have much to go on. Dayna tells them, welcome back.

Max tells Schwartz, he thinks he’s going to 86 Danica coming into TomTom. Schwartz says she’s out of line and disrespectful, and talks too much. At Sur, Danica tells Raquel that too much is swept under the rug. She didn’t think it was a huge deal. We see a clip of Dayna telling Danica that Max is going to 86 her, and Danica telling Dayna that Max has been talking behind her back. They’re both managers, and should be able to talk it out.

In Max’s interview, he says Danica has screwed him over multiple times. First, there was the rumor that he’d said he was the owner of TomTom. We flash back to that, and he says, her spreading rumors to Dayna was the straw that broke the camel’s back. We flash back to Danica telling Dayna than Max has a bouquet red flags. Schwartz says Danica is a disruption, and he fully stands by Max’s side.

Raquel tells Danica that Lala reached out to her. She wants to meet up, and talk about stuff. Danica asks what they have to talk about, and Raquel says, they have some unresolved things. She wants to express how Lala treated her last year was not okay. She shows Danica the text Lala sent, where Lala suggests she can offer some insight about James from someone who’s been through it, and whose drinking affected the people she loves most. Danica tells Raquel to stand her ground. Tell her it’s not okay. We flash back to when Lala put her finger in Raquel’s face and called her stupid. Raquel says they might not end up friends, but it will be a big closure for her.

Jax and Brittany look at their million unopened wedding gifts. In Jax’s interview, he says, as much money as he spent, they better be good-ass wedding gifts. If he was in charge of the registry, he’d list car parts, season tickets to the Kings, and maybe a jet ski; something he can use. Brittany says everyone texted that it was the best weekend ever, and their vows were cute. Jax says his stomach was in knots. He had to write down powerpoints. In his interview, a producer asks if he knows the difference between PowerPoint and bullet points. Jax gives a bizarre explanation, and says, it’s close enough. Brittany can’t believe it’s over. She wanted to cry when they were leaving the castle. He says his wallet is happy it’s over. They’re both tired, and decide to nap. She wants Jax to carry her upstairs, and he asks if she’s serious. His back is going to get thrown out, but does it anyway.

Everyone gathers at the condo pool for Daug’s memorial. Schwartz says the lizard’s lifespan should have been fifteen to twenty years. He’d charted out their whole life together; at least the next few weeks. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he was born as a reptile and amphibian lover. He tells Tom that Daug wrestled with depression, but he was always leaping around outside. In those moments, he shined. Tom says they miss and love Daug, and he pours out some beer in reverence. In Tom’s interview, he says he was there when Schwartz bought Daug. Daug was chill AF. It’s a bummer he’s gone. Schwartz says he did everything to resuscitate Daug, but nothing worked. Then he couldn’t find a shovel to bury Daug, and had to use a hammer. It seemed like there was no joy in Daug’s life. He’d let Daug run around in the backyard when he got sad, and Daug would bask on a chair. Tom says Schwartz was a great effing dad, and puts an arm around him.

Schwartz tells the group, he has a few words to say about his lizard. He only had Daug a week, when he became part of the family; part of his routine. We flash back to Daug, and Schwartz says, people say he was just a lizard, but they bonded. We see a clip of Schwartz asking Katie if they make lizard Prozac. He says, Daug was gone too soon; he’s bummed. They toast to Daug, and Schwartz says his friends are making it better. He asks if Jax and Brittany are coming, but Katie says Lisa had a present for them, and she told them to go get it.

Jax and Brittany go to Villa Rosa, Jax carrying a huge orchid plant. Lisa says they look happy, and she can never have too many flowers. They sit, and she asks if they’re trying for a baby straight away. In Brittany’s interview, she says they want a family soon. They used to spray and pray, but now they’re not praying. Lisa says she’s glad she went to the wedding. She didn’t want to miss it. She’s never seen someone so excited. Her favorite part was seeing Brittany walking down the aisle. She tells them that she has a gift for them, and gives them a box from Tiffany. She says she took it to Kentucky, but was afraid they’d break it, so she brought it back. Brittany opens the box, and it’s a gorgeous tea set. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s absolutely beautiful. If someone comes over for tea, they’ll use it, so it probably won’t get much use. Lisa says, as someone who’s been married for so long, they can’t expect life not to throw them challenges. Brittany says they’ve already been through a lot, and they’ve grown as individuals and as a couple.

At the pool, Danica asks Max what his problem is. She had every right to tell Dayna about something that was rubbing her the wrong way. Max says, so Dayna is her friend and Danica is just looking out for her? She was a complete bitch the first week. In Max’s interview, he says he knows Danica talked sh*t about him, and it led to him and Dayna breaking up. He doesn’t understand why she keeps getting in his business. Danica says now he’s saying she’s 86’d from her sister restaurant, but he’s saying it behind her back. He says he’s waiting for her to come in, and then he’ll tell her. She says, that’s how much of an a-hole he is? and he says, yeah. In her interview, she says, it’s easier for him to 86 her, than to own up to his sh*t. He should have told Dayna months ago. In her interview, she says he’s acting like a child. Congratulations; his plan won’t work.

Tom and Schwartz have a drink inside, and Max joins them. Tom asks if he’s okay, and he says he’s rattled. Tom asks, why? and he says Danica was yelling at him, since he 86’d her from TomTom because of the Dayna stuff. Schwartz says, there must be more to it, and Max says, it’s not just personal. She overwhelmed him in the first place, and he doesn’t need to be upset at work. Tom says he has to separate work form his personal life, but Max says he can’t do that.

Outside, Scheana tells Lala and Stassi that Kristen is sick, battered, and in a bad mood. Is there anything they want to relay? Lala says, not really, Stassi says, they’re relationship is weird. They can’t talk if they can’t be honest. She has to walk on eggshells, and doesn’t know how they can have a friendship if parts of Kristen’s life are off-limits. Kristen worships failure, and relishes defeat. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Kristen pushes away the only people who are willing to call her out on her sh*t. Scheana tells them that Kristen said Katie is projecting because she’s upset about something in her own life. In her interview, Stassi says, last year, they were partners with their Witches of WeHo wine, and they should equally be promoting it, but why should she be involved with a sisterhood she doesn’t believe in? Scheana says Kristen wonders why she’s doing it all herself, and Katie says she’s living her life. In Katie’s interview, she says she’s exploring her options, and figuring out what she loves doing. She has so much going on. We see clips of her lying around, and watching TV. She says she’s finding new projects all the time. Katie tells Scheana she could snag pictures off Pinterest and make money putting her friends pictures on T-shirts too. Scheana asks if she has free reign to parlay ([sic] I think she means relay) that to Kristen, and Stassi says they give zero f***s.

Dayna asks Max how it’s hanging, and what happened with Danica? Max says he knows Danica is the main source of a lot of his problems. She was rude from the beginning. He told Dayna sh*t from his past, saying she was looking out for Dayna. Dayna thinks Max didn’t want them to progress, and he’s happy how things turned out. He said he didn’t want to move forward. Max says, right now he can’t. He’s done nothing wrong. She asks why he’s worried about what other people are saying. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Max cares more about blaming Danica than confronting his own feelings. Max says, there’s no one to talk positive to him, and Dayna says she did, but it doesn’t matter. Tom tells everyone that he’s formally inviting them to his birthday party. The theme is, your most extra self. In his interview, Tom says, in his daily life, he’s already pretty extra, so this party needs to be extra extra. We flash back to Tom’s extraness, and he tells the group, whatever they decide to do, commit to it, and be extra like him.

At Vanderpump Dogs, Lala puts dog food out on the shelves. Lisa comes in, and asks how Lala is. Lala says she’s so happy. The wedding was fun, and exactly what Brittany wanted. Who would have thought? James and Raquel bring their dog for grooming. Lisa tells Lala that she’s gobsmacked. Lala tells them that she’s volunteering, but has Saturday free, and asks if Raquel wants to meet for a little snack or coffee, and girl talk. Lisa tells James, if he wants to talk to her, he can come to the house. They have much to discuss. In Lisa’s interview, she says, nothing she told James made a difference, so she had to use the classic and cliché tough love. She had to cut him out of her life. She hasn’t responded to his texts. She had to make him listen by not saying anything. She tells Lala, she’s sick to death of trying to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

Tom and Schwartz go to Squaresville, a vintage clothing store. Schwartz asks if Tom has a vision, and Tom says he has a couple of ideas. In his interview, he says what extra stands for is your most extroverted look on steroids; effervescence. They check out some assless chaps, and Tom says he has a confession. Don’t tell anyone, but he bought stilts. Schwartz asks if he’s in the market for stilt pants, and if this party is in his budget. Tom says he made his house payment, but bring a chair.

Lala and Raquel meet for coffee. They clink plastic cups, and Raquel says there’s just one thing she wants to mention. Last summer, Lala insulted her intelligence. It’s one thing to question her character, but it’s a different story to diminish her intelligence. I’m not sure if she just proved she is stupid, but I’d much rather someone believe I’m unintelligent than believe I lack character. She says, if Lala feels that way, they don’t need a conversation. Lala says her time is precious, and she wouldn’t waste it on an idiot. Losing more IQ points, Raquel says that means so much to her; she needed that. In her interview, Raquel says, it’s super hard to stand up to a bully, especially for someone who’s not confrontational. It feels good. Lala says she’s heard a few things about James, and wants to know how he’s doing.

James goes to Villa Rosa. Puffy! He and Lisa sit, and James says he’s happy he’s there. Lisa says she has a modicum of responsibility for his welfare. She doesn’t know why, but she does. She saw his texts to his girlfriend. James says, it just came out, and she says he used those words to a girl who stood by his side. When you love someone, you don’t treat them that way. James says he doesn’t when he’s sober, and she says he has to get help. He tells Lisa that he went to a meeting yesterday; the first in his life. It was a big deal. She says, don’t lie to her.

Raquel tells Lala that she drove James to a meeting. She walked him to the door, and he went in. She waited an hour, and when he came out, he showed her his chip.

James shows Lisa the chip, and tells her that he said he was an alcoholic. It’s a big thing for him. In Lisa’s interview, she says she can’t explain how this makes her feel; the fact that maybe there’s hope for him. James says he doesn’t want his life to end up like the sad stories he heard.  Lisa asks if thought he would go down that route, and he says, yeah, he did.

Lala tells Raquel, she thinks it’s amazing, and Raquel says that’s so kind of her. Lala says she knows what it’s like. In Lala’s interview, she says when she went to her first meeting, she felt broken, embarrassed, and overwhelmed, but for the first time in a long time, she saw light at the end of the tunnel. Lala says she’s excited for them, and her and Raquel.

James starts to cry, and Lisa says, it’s attainable; he can do it, and she’ll be there. If he slips up, or questions the path he’s on, he can call her. James says, it means so much, and thanks her.

Brittany tells Jax that Kristen is coming over with her outfit for Tom’s party. She asks what Jax is wearing, but he doesn’t know. He says it’s not his thing. Kristen arrives, and notes that Brittany is still wearing her wedding bathrobe that says I Do on the back. Brittany says their license came in, and Jax says he didn’t want to end up like Schwartz. Now he and Brittany are extra married. He wonders why they have to be extra fun for Tom’s party. They’re not twenty-five. In his interview, he asks why they still need to wear wigs and eyeliner.

Tom practices with his stilts, saying, it’s warmer when he’s this tall. He walks around the house, hugging the wall. He wants to try peeing with them on, and Ariana says, nooo.

Kristen and Brittany go through Brittany’s outfits, and Brittany asks, what’s going on with the WeHo wine. Kristen says they have another one coming out. Scheana told Katie that Kristen wanted more help with it, and her response was that she could have a T-shirt line too. Katie is jealous because she has nothing else going on, and she’s being a d*ck. Jax tells Kristen not to concentrate on what they think. People grow apart, and he’s okay with it being okay the way things are.

Acrobats twirl around in circle swings, and a bartender juggles glasses. In his interview, Max says he’s dressed as Chip Hartley, a character Tom has dressed as in the past. In Brett’s interview, he says Tom doesn’t just put on a costume, he becomes a character, and his characters are legendary around SUR. He’s honored to dress as Lisa Vanderhump, and represent on Tom’s special day. Charli says she just came as the best version of herself, which apparently means she couldn’t be bothered putting on a costume. In Stassi’s interview, she says Marie Antoinette was the queen of fashion, and is her extra self. Jax is extra annoyed that Tom is throwing extra themed birthday party. In Scheana’s interview, she says, people tell her that she’s extra about sex, and she shows up in a dominatrix outfit, bothering people with her whip.

Tom slowly makes his way to the party, leaning on Ariana, who looks like David Spade with a mustache. He walks in, and Stassi says, OMFG. Ariana says, he’s so extra; she loves it. Max takes a spill on his roller skates. Lala asks Raquel how it’s going, and Raquel says, James hasn’t been drinking. Lala says Raquel might want to check that. She heard James went to a party where everyone was getting effed up. We flash back to James telling Raquel that he’s going to a friend’s party in the Hills. Lala says she saw a video that Logan sent her, but Raquel says James went to AA. She doesn’t understand Lala’s obsession with Logan, since he lied about hooking up with James. We flash back to Logan admitting he was just being a jealous bitch. Lala still believes him about the party, and in Raquel’s interview, she says she thought Lala was going to be supportive. Raquel tells Lala, STFU. James says it’s not true. Lala suggests Raquel not tell her to STFU again. Raquel says if Lala was really concerned, she wouldn’t be stirring sh*t up, and beginning rumors, and walks away.

Tom changes costumes, but I’m not sure if he’s supposed to be Mozart or a young Einstein. In his interview, he says, what would an extra costume party be like without an extra costume? Ariana brings out a cake with sparklers on it. Katie and Stassi plan a girls night with wine. Katie asks who they should invite, and Stassi says, Brittany, Lala, and Ariana. Katie asks if she’s inviting Kristen, but Stassi says, no. Katie says Kristen thinks she’s a miserable bitch. Kristen approaches them, and says she knows they don’t want to be friends with her, but she wants to know if they still want to be in the wine thing. Stassi says she’s ready to get out when their contract is up. In Katie’s interview, she says she was hoping they could find a way to be professional. Stassi tells Kristen, she’ll 100% do what’s needed, but her heart isn’t in it. It’s weird what a difference a year makes, and this is why she doesn’t like working with other people. If that’s selfish, then she is.

Lala tells Katie and Stassi, the conversation with Raquel went fast. Raquel tells James, Logan told Lala that James went to a friend’s birthday party where people were getting effed up. Like that’s not going to happen at this birthday party. James says, f*** Logan; he’s done talking about him. In James’s interview, he says Logan isn’t going to be the reason that makes him drink. It would have to be way worse. Like he would have to… Nothing can make him drink. Kristen tells Katie that Scheana repeated what Katie said about her clothing line, and Katie says Kristen said she was unhappy and projecting on her. Kristen is a miserable human being. Kristen says they were her two sisters, and Stassi says they haven’t been sisters for a while. She doesn’t know Kristen anymore. Kristen walks away.

Next time, Ariana tells Lisa that her horse has a small wiener, Brett asks Scheana if she’s a f***girl, Jax’s birthday is coming, Lala says Raquel forgot her place, and Lala is going to remind her.

🦎 RIP Daug  🦎 

RIPDaug (2)

🦄 How Did It Happen…?

I’ve not only survived through Tuesday, it looks like I’ll get to bed before 4 am.