Tag Archives: Bravo

June 19, 2017 – Who’s Up for Redemption, a Charming Birthday Party, Paradise Lost & an OLTL Flashback


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

Yes, I know it’s going to rain. Accuweather does not need to talk about it for ten minutes.

Carly wants to talk to Michael about Sonny.

Griff visits Sonny. He asks if Sonny is planning on killing Ava.

Ava bangs on the side of her bed ringing for the nurse. Epiphany comes in. Ava asks how long she can last like this, either drugged out of her mind or in pain. She asks what kind of life that is.

Spencer questions Laura about moving in with Doc. She asks what he thinks. He says it depends on Doc’s intentions.

Jason asks Sam if she’s okay but she doesn’t think so. She says he almost got himself killed and asks wth he was thinking.

Olivia-F thanks someone on the phone for not being any help. Ned says he’d hate to be the person on the other end. She says all Diane does is talk, and then says she can’t take their case because of conflict of interest. She wants a lawyer who can keep Leo away from Julian. (Shouldn’t that be the other way around? It’s not like Leo is crawling over to Julian’s place.)

Julian visits Ava. Epiphany says he can have a few minutes, and then she has to change Ava’s bandages. Ava says the only thing worse than the pain is people talking about her like she’s a piece of furniture. Julian says she’s Ava Jerome and she can take a little hospital stay. He looks at the DNR, and asks her what’s up with that. She explains that she wants to die if her heart stops again. Unless he wants to put her out of her misery right now.

Griff says found Sonny looming over Ava’s bed, and I laugh because it’s a perfect description. He knows Sonny does business using an eye for an eye philosophy. He asks Sonny how that’s been working for him, reminding him of how he was before Morgan died. Sonny says spare him the lectures. He has no plans to kill Ava.

Carly tells Michael that she’s signing Sonny’s assets back over to him. They’re still getting a divorce, but want it to be as amicable as possible. Michael asks what changed.

Nelle talks on the phone to someone about an interview. She wonders who recommended her.

Jason tells Sam that he took some punches, but he’s fine. Sam says what if he wasn’t? In her head, Sam hears he’s not safe and the threat is still out there. Jason asks her what’s going on.

Spencer asks if Doc is serious or it’s just a casual fling. Doc says he’s in no place to speak for Spencer’s grandmother, but his feelings are honorable. Spencer wants that defined.

Sam tells Jason that they have two kids who could lose their father. Jason says they’re not going to lose him, but she says that’s a promise he can’t make. Truth! He says she’s right; all they can do is live their lives and hope for the best. He thinks everything that’s happened in the past several months has caught up to her. She says he’s risking his life, and it scares her. He promises that whatever is bothering her, they’ll fix it. They hug.

Julian tells Ava she’s taking the legal way out. She wonders what good can be done; she’s burned over half her body. He knows as well as she does that all she has to look forward to is a lifetime of pain. It’s the only reason Sonny let her live.

Griff tells Sonny that he won’t regret letting go of vengeance. Sonny says he’s not, as long as every time Ava takes a breath there’s pain. Griff isn’t cool about him taking pleasure in suffering, but Sonny says it’s God’s will, and the way he sees it, the universe is balancing he scales. Griff says he can’t pretend to understand the loss of a child, but their faith teaches them that no soul is beyond redemption. I get annoyed at Griff for not pointing out that God doesn’t take pleasure in anyone suffering.

Carly tells Michael that she and Sonny don’t want to cause each other more grief, and he’s glad she finally sees it that way. They hug, and Nelle almost walks out into the yard, but when she sees it’s Carly, goes back inside.

Doc tells Spencer that he makes a good point. The concept of honor is big. He says he loves Laura very much, and is in it for the long haul. Spencer asks if he’s going to marry her, and Laura tells him that’s enough. Doc says they’ve both been married before, so they’ll take their time, but if they do make that leap, it will be forever.

Olivia tells Ned about Julian wanting to see Leo, and Alexis defending him. She thinks if Sam hadn’t stepped in, Alexis would have offered to represent him. Ned asks if Olivia is ready to move forward, and she says she can’t afford not to. He wonders if a custody suit is the way to go.

Julian asks about Sonny being in Ava’s room. She says he wanted to watch her suffer. Julian doesn’t understand why she’d mess with Morgan’s meds in the first place, and get in Sonny’s crosshairs. She says she was protecting Kiki. She’d take it back if she could, but just wants it to be over. Julian says that’s what Sonny wants. He wants her to quit, and she shouldn’t let him win. She says easy for him to say. He goes home to his own bed and he can forget. She doesn’t have that luxury. He says that’s not what he means, but he wishes he could help. She says he doesn’t have to be there, but he says he’s not going anywhere.

Like the ridiculous jerk Sonny can be, he tells Griff that he respects their faith, but it seems like Griff doesn’t respect him. Griff says he has to give Ava the same respect as he does everyone else. Sonny says that Griff doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a child, even though we already established that, or to watch his son conquer his illness only to have it stolen from him by some heartless piece of garbage. He doesn’t know what it feels like for his son to die because of something stupid and pointless, and because someone messed with his mind. He tells Griff not to stand there and tell him he needs to forgive, because he doesn’t know if he ever will. Griff says it’s the only way to heal, and Sonny asks if Griff forgives Julian. When he sees the man who killed his father, does he see someone worthy of redemption? When Griff says nothing, Sonny says he didn’t think so. Griff says he’s praying that Sonny finds a relief from his grief. Sonny tells him that he shouldn’t bother with Ava, since she didn’t have soul to begin with. His phone rings, and it’s obviously surprising news.

Carly wonders what’s going on behind her, and Michael says it’s probably Danny goofing around. He’s glad she and Sonny stopped the war, and she says it’s best that they present a united front and make sure Ava is punished. Michael says they have Nelle’s statement, but Carly says it’s meaningless unless she testifies. Michael says she will. Carly asks if he was just in her hospital room out of concern, or does he still have feelings for her?

Monica takes the kids for the night, so Jason and Sam can chill, with or without Netflix. Sam says the lack of sleep hasn’t helped. She says that Alexis told her two kids is three times the work. He suggests they turn in early and catch up on lost time. She says she snapped at him earlier, and she’s sorry. He was protecting Jake and she overreacted, but it’s only because she loves him and doesn’t want to lose him. He promises she won’t. They kiss. He tells her that he loves her, and they get busy.

Spencer says it doesn’t necessarily mean that Laura loves Doc. She tells him it’s not exactly his business. He says she knows he’s not happy living at Lulu and Dante’s house, but doesn’t want her getting into a romantic relationship to put a roof over his head. She assures him that she loves Doc very much, and that’s all this is. She’ll make the final decision, although he gets to weigh in on living arrangements.

Michael tells Carly that they all know what Nelle did was wrong, but she’s trying to turn her life around and deserves credit for that. Carly says she set out to sabotage the family and was successful. If Michael lets her in, she’ll do the same to him. Carly gets a call from Sonny, who says he has to see her immediately.

When Carly is gone, Nelle comes out. Michael asks how much she heard. She says enough.

Olivia tells Ned that she doesn’t want to get in a battle, but doesn’t think she has any choice. Julian won’t listen to reason. Ned says they have to be as rational as possible right now. She has full custody and visitation is at her discretion. If she goes to court, Julian could end up with joint custody. Ned asks her to wait until after Julian goes to trial. If he’s found guilty, he could be stripped of visitation. Olivia says, what if he’s found not guilty, but Ned says they’ll deal with it then. He says as far as being safe, the Quartermaine mansion is full of security, and they can even dig a moat if she wants. Olivia says they’re not moving in until they’re officially married. Ned suggests it happen soon. He doesn’t want to spend any more time without her.

Julian tells Ava that it seems hopeless, but they’ve gotten out of worse jams. They’ll get through it together. Epiphany comes back to change the bandages. Julian tells Ava to hang tough.

Griff thinks about what Sonny said, and promptly runs into Julian.

Sam hears voices saying that she has to protect her family. She gets out of bed, leaving Jason sleep.

Epiphany tells Ava that there’s no sign of infection, which is good. Ava asks her to wait; she wants to see what she looks like.

Julian tells Griff that he’ll leave. Griff says he’s off-duty, and just came by to see how Ava was doing.

Sonny tells Carly that there’s a problem with the casino’s liquor license, and paperwork has to be signed and notarized on the property. The problem is, she’s the owner.

Michael tells Nelle that she has no future as a thief or spy, since Carly nearly saw her. Nelle says Carly makes her nervous, and he says there’s no cure for that except time. She tells him Carly will never forgive her, and he says tolerance might be achievable. Nelle says she prefers avoidance. He tells her Carly is there a lot, and Nelle says she’ll know for next time. She tells him a recruiter called her and she wonders what he knows about that, since the job is with a subsidiary of ELQ. He says he might have mentioned her name, but she got the interview on her own merit, just like she will the job. She tells him that she turned it down, since she doesn’t want repercussions if Carly finds out. Michael says Carly has nothing to do with ELQ, and has no control over who works there, but Nelle says she doesn’t want to cause any trouble. Michael says he respects Carly, but doesn’t live to please her, and eventually she’ll find out they’re seeing each other. Nelle is like, we are?

Sam gets a knife and stands over Jason.

Doc asks Spencer if he’s cool living at Doc’s place, and Spencer says it sounds good. Doc says he’ll have to move his gaming systems out of the spare room, but Spencer tells him not to get hasty. The three of them leave for Spencer to check out his new digs.

Ned and Olivia talk about setting a date. She thanks him for talking her out of going after Julian. She wants Leo to have Ned’s name. It’s symbolic, but she wants him to feel like he’s part of the family, and Ned is Leo’s father. Ned says he grew up with his father’s name, and symbols don’t make a family. Love does, and she and Leo are his family.

Julian tells Griff that he knows he’s wronged a lot of people, including Griff’s father. He doesn’t know if it’s possible to atone for that, but he’ll try. Griff says okay. He tells Julian that he prayed with Ava, and Julian asks him to keep doing it; she needs all the prayers she can get.

Epiphany tells Ava that she needs to focus on healing. Ava wants to see the damage for herself, but Epiphany says it’s too soon; they haven’t even started treatment yet. Ava asks if she’ll look like she used to after surgery. When Epiphany doesn’t say anything, Ava says that she needs to know what she’s dealing with. Epiphany says it’s her decision, and takes out a mirror. She gives it to Ava, who takes it with her perfectly manicured hand. Ava cries, no, no, no, and Julian hears her.

Nelle wonders if she missed the part where she and Michael agreed to see each other. She thought they were just talking. Michael says any day of his life is better with her in it, and sooner or later they should figure out how they feel. She says she can’t have him taking care of her; she has to take care of herself. He calls evasion, and she says it’s best she can do.

Carly wonders when she became owner of casino. She doesn’t remember seeing it on the list. Sonny tells her that it was filed separately, and she says he hid it from her, but now he needs her to clear up the liquor tariffs. He says no liquor, no business, and she says she’ll do it. He tells her that he’ll get the jet fueled and then they can leave; he’s coming too. She says it’s just business, and they both know he’s no Boy Scout.

Sam gets back in bed with the knife. She puts it under her pillow.

Tomorrow, Nina asks what’s going on with Nathan and Amy,  Nelle confronts Bobbie, and Jason asks Sam why she’s holding a knife.

Southern Charm

Craig is making a birthday present for Cameran – baby clothes. I’m not so sure that’s going to thrill her. This is supposed to be her last hurrah before getting pregnant.

Shep visits Chelsea. He says Cameran helped him realize he has integrity and morals, and he’d lost sight of that. He wants to apologize in person about trying to kiss her. He says he was like a fish trying to eat a bright, shiny lure. He says he knows she’s not one of those girls (whatever that means), but she says that’s how he made her feel. He says he withdraws when he really likes someone, because he doesn’t want to mess up the friendship. Chelsea says if she’d known, they might have explored that, but she didn’t think he gave a flying. He says he has a problem with intimacy, but he’s working on it. She says Austen is having a hard time too, and Shep says he’d be happy to talk to him. Chelsea is in sweats and eating peanut butter off of a spoon, and Shep tells her she looks like a cat lady.

Kathryn visits Cameran. She asks if Cameran is excited about her birthday. Cameran says she is, but she feels like it’s her last hurrah. Well, yeah, that’s what we’ve all been calling it. She tells Kathryn that she’s trying to get over her fear and anxiety about motherhood. Kathryn explains that it’s scary, but then you hold the creation made between you, the father, and God, and it’s the greatest happiness. She says Cameran and her husband will have beautiful babies, and Cameran says that Jason looked like an albino baby possum as an infant. In her interview, Cameran is surprised that she and Kathryn are talking like this about motherhood. Cameran tells her about Landon thinking Kathryn owes her an apology, but Kathryn thinks it’s the other way around. Cameran asks what started the whole thing, and Kathryn tells her about Thomas taking Landon on a Valentine’s Day trip they’d planned when they’d been broken up for only two days. Before Saint was conceived. She says they claimed they slept in separate bedrooms, but Cameran doesn’t even buy that. She says it changes her opinion of Landon, since that’s something you just don’t do. Thank you. I totally agree with Kathryn that Landon is not a girl’s girl.

Craig says that he and Naomie are on eggshells since they went to therapy. She asks if he’s bringing his gift on the trip. He says he is, and asks if she’s coming. She says part of her doesn’t want to go, and he says they’re in a bad place, and wishes she would, since they seem to get along better when they’re not at home. They argue about who isn’t nice. He says she treats him like a loser, and she says he’s going through an in-between phase, and maybe her expectations are too high. He doesn’t think he should have to jump through hoops to make her happy all the time, but she begs to differ. He tells her that he’s human, and can’t live on thin ice. She says if she feels like he’s not trying, they won’t be together when they get back. He says he has a lot to think about. He doesn’t want to be with someone who would even say something like that.

Patricia has Michael summon Whitney. She tells Whitney to take his glasses off, because it makes her feel old. Michael brings champagne. Whitney tells Patricia about Cameran’s party, but Patricia can’t see any upside, and thinks it’s a disaster waiting to happen. She tells him they’re celebrating. She shows him a box, and says it’s part of a collection that he’ll inherit one day, and is worth twice as much as she paid. He opens the box, and it’s a mantel clock – a maharajah on a gold elephant with a clock in it. All three of them try to put the fan piece in the driver’s hand, but only Michael is successful. I think it’s a pretty cool dust catcher, but I don’t know how psyched Whitney is about inheriting it.

Landon arrives at Thomas’s place, where he’s trying to put a table together. In her interview, she says it’s a roller coaster with him, but she’s still old-fashioned when it comes to dating and they need to take it slowly. She isn’t sure about Cameran’s birthday. She thinks Kathryn should apologize, but doesn’t want to punish herself by not going. Thomas says that Kathryn is a child compared to Landon, and to take the advice he gave himself – regardless of what happens, do nothing. He thinks she’s being absurd, which is one of the rare times I agree with him, but probably not for the same reason.

Austen talks to Chelsea about visiting his parents. She wonders if his mother will make them sleep in separate rooms. In the car, they discuss Shep, and Cameran says he kept making it seem like he wasn’t in the wrong by grabbing her and taking her outside to try to kiss her. Chelsea says it’s gotten a little out of proportion, but Austen claims that he’s going by what she said. She rephrases it, but it still sounds like Shep was aggressive. He says this wasn’t what she told him, adding that she clearly talked to Shep today. Chelsea says she just ran into him, and thinks it’s out-of-control when she’s just been honest. Really? How honest is it to say she just “ran into” Shep when he came to her house?

By the time they get to Austen’s parent’s house, he’s upset. In his interview, he says she might be okay with Shep, but he isn’t, and he wonders why it got brought up in the first place. Great start to the weekend.  Austen introduces his parents, Wendy and Tom, and his Aunt Barbara. They do the usual small talk. Austen decides to focus on having a good evening. Chelsea asks what Austen was like as a teenager. Wendy says he was a 10 on a 1-10 scale of being a handful. Tom tells a story about him tickling people with palms on Palm Sunday. Austen thinks Chelsea is winning them over. Austen tells them how they’re all going to Key West for Cameran’s birthday.

It’s 6 am, and several of the group meets at the airport. Craig isn’t dealing with his problems right now, and just wants to have fun. They reach Key West by noon, and are greeted with mimosas at the hotel. Whitney tries to upgrade his room. In her interview, Cameran says he’s one of the most entitled people she knows, which is probably saying a lot. In his interview, Austen isn’t thrilled that he and Chelsea aren’t on the best of terms right now and won’t be sharing a room

In the airport limo, Kathryn tells Danni and Naomie that Landon thinks she deserves an apology. At the pool, Thomas talks about people at his house doing mannequin poses, and we all just look at him like, that’s so last year. Jennifer says she thinks Kathryn likes to have problems with people, and no one should take it personally. Landon says that Kathryn is spreading lies about her, and Cameran talks about their conversation. Landon says Kathryn is jumping to conclusions about the trip with Thomas, and it was a business dinner, not a couple’s weekend. Oh come on. Chelsea says if she’d been in that position – Landon interrupts, saying she and Kathryn weren’t friends anyway – it would hurt her feelings. Landon tells Chelsea that there’s no such thing as girl code, Kathryn just wants to be mad, and to grow up. She claims Chelsea is taking Kathryn’s side, and Chelsea says that’s not it. Cameran thinks Kathryn is like a wounded bird, and should be treated as such. Wow. She really must be in mother mode. In her interview, Jennifer thinks sooner or later, the real Kathryn will come back. Landon says she doesn’t think Kathryn is really dedicated to getting her children back, and hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, and in her interview, calls Kathryn a master manipulator. She suggests they change the subject because it’s “killing the vibe.” Are these old words making a comeback or are some people just stuck in another era from before they were born? Oh wait, in Landon’s case, she might have picked it up from Thomas.

Commercial break. Transformers: The Last Knight looks really good. I haven’t seen one of those movies yet though.

Cameran thanks everyone for coming, and welcomes them to her 33rd birthday. They toast. Landon acts drunk and stupid already, and Shep says she’s never going to make it. Landon wants Austen to stay with her and they can be “beach people.” Excuse me? I live by the beach, and know beach people. You, Landon, are no beach people. She’s glad he’s around because they needed new blood. Landon worries that she’s getting wrinkles as we speak, and asks Shep if he sees them forming. He’s just like, please. She gets in a hammock with Austen, and Chelsea wonders if she should worry. Cameran says that Landon knows they’re “hanging out” (which has become some random relationship term like hooking up), but Chelsea says she doesn’t think Landon cares about girlfriends. Agreed. Austen and Shep go inside, and Landon whines that her co-dependency is at an all-time high. Landon is a truly unattractive person, and it has nothing to do with her physical looks.

Shep brings Austen a beer, and says he has a surprise. He tells Austen he apologized to Chelsea. Austen says she told him, and he didn’t mean to make such a big deal. He says what’s important is how they left things, and Shep said he didn’t need his friendship. He’d thought they were like brothers. Shep says he considers him a very good friend, and was just angry, but it’s no excuse. It was a uniquely male, dumb, drunk move. To bury the hatchet, he’s brought two shirts. They’re polo shirts with fish on the back, one white one black. Austen takes the white one, and Shep laughs about being the bad guy. I guess these shirts have some kind of significance, but I don’t know what it is.

Cameran takes roll call. Everyone is getting ready to go out. Danni asks Kathryn how she feels about everyone being there, and Kathryn says it’s about Cameran, not her. Everyone starts to gather at the beach, and Elizabeth and JD (bleh) arrive. Craig isn’t having Naomie’s attitude, which is pretty poor. Cameran is excited about some guy named Todd showing up. They take a shuttle bus to a restaurant.

Everyone sits at the table. Landon insists there isn’t a seat, and has to squish into the corner with Todd. Cameran thinks she’s ticked off a few people, and doesn’t dare sit next to Thomas. Kathryn thinks she might have a drink, since she’s on vacation, and Cameran and I make the same face when she orders a margarita. Craig orders a double shot in the beer and I like it. JD (bleh) makes a toast. Thomas makes inappropriate comments on how Cameran should get pregnant. Whitney asks what the odds are of Thomas and Kathryn getting back together, and Kathryn says zilch.

Kathryn tells Whitney that she’s sorry for what happened, and she, Whitney and Shep have a toast. In her interview, Whitney thinks Kathryn seems clear-headed, and motivated to get back on track. He’s been doing meditation lately, and thinks she could be cordial with Landon too. He plops Landon next to Kathryn at the table.

Whitney introduces them. Is he drunk? Landon says the past is the past and let’s just move on. Kathryn says she feels the same way. Danni says it seems like they want to be cordial, and let it go. Craig is like, do it right, and gets up. He says the only way to fix it is to air their grievances. He thinks it will always be simmering if they don’t do this. Naomie tells him to stay out of it, and for once, I agree, but he decides to be mediator. He tries to play therapist, and Kathryn talks about Landon moving in on Thomas when they’d been apart for only two days. Danni tells Craig that he’s about to lose some friends. Craig says they’re a bunch of children, and Naomie says he’s making her nervous, and he thinks they should break up tonight if she can’t stop being critical. Surprisingly, Landon apologizes, and says that she thinks sometimes Thomas uses her as a weapon against Kathryn. The stunned look on Thomas’s face is the best. In his interview Thomas says it was a betrayal, and wonders what her intent is. Landon says wants to wish the best for Kathryn, but doesn’t know how. They hug it out, but in her interview, Kathryn thinks it was fake. Landon tried to trump her, went after all of the guys, and Cameran knows the real Landon is now.

Cameran gets up, and wants a show of hands as to who wants to get sh*tfaced at a bar. Whitney suggests Craig needs to get laid, but Craig is tired of Naomie correcting him like she’s his mom.

Landon tells Thomas she doesn’t want any more negative energy in her life, and wants to move on. They live in a small town, and she needs to have some kind of relationship with Kathryn separate from the one she has with Thomas. She says they have no problem with each other, but it’s other people who are creating the drama. In his interview, Thomas says her apology is self-serving, and she wants to advance some agenda she has. I have to hand it to Thomas for having a clue.

The next morning everyone meets for breakfast, and we get flashbacks of a drag queen strip club as each of them arrives. Shep wonders what he did, and Thomas tells him let a drag queen lick his stomach. Roll the tape. Yep, he did. Thomas is confused by Landon’s flip flop, and says it’s a red flag.

Kathryn rolls in. She has blisters from her high heels. Thomas says Kelsie is going to The Nutcracker, and Kathryn isn’t happy about the person taking her, saying it should be in the court papers that they’re a no. She tells him that he should know better, and needs to be a good dad. She gets up, and he makes a snarky comment about her having changed. She says she has changed; she’s going back to her room to nurse her hangover. Thomas says the 20-year-old babysitter is more mature, and Landon tells him to get off of Kathryn’s back. In his interview, he says he doesn’t need to waste his time on Landon, and the audacity stuns him. <snort>

Next time, Jennifer passes out, Kathryn doesn’t know if Landon is genuine, Craig doesn’t think he and Naomie are healthy together, and another confrontational party happens. I love those.

🏝 Weighing in on the Bachelor in Paradise debacle. I stopped watching The Bachelor after the first couple of seasons, when I could no longer watch women embarrassing themselves. I checked out The Bachelorette, but thought it wasn’t much better. Copycat shows like Average Joe got passing glances, but never even got second seasons. Finally, fifteen minutes into a show called The Littlest Groom – similar to The Bachelor, but featuring a little person – I was done with this genre. It was fifteen minutes of my life I will never get back, or unsee, as well as my most embarrassing reality TV watching moment. When it took no time at all for the contestants to drunkenly congregate in the hot tub, I felt like some weird voyeur fetishist. My shunning of these pseudo road-to-matrimony shows did not include Rock of Love or any number of Flava Flav’s efforts. Or as we like to call him in my house, Big Ass Clock Man. That’s embarrassment on purpose, and totally different. While I have no problem with Pumpkin spitting in New York’s face and getting a hair pulling for it, I can’t bear to watch a group of people who could do so much better, lower themselves for so-called love.

That being said, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. Contestants allegedly going too far in a drunken haze. While I don’t think it’s necessarily a set-up, like I did with the outing of Zeke Smith on Survivor, something doesn’t smell right, and this isn’t even Denmark. In case you’ve been living under a rock, supposedly producers stopped production when two contestants (Corinne Olympios and DeMario Jackson) went too far in the pool while they were seventeen sheets to the wind. Nothing wrong with the producers doing that. As a matter-of-fact, it sounds very responsible of them, but what happened next is up for debate. Corinne now claims that she remembers very little, but was obviously violated because she’s been told she was. While I’m the first person to stand up for a woman in these circumstances, this isn’t typical of this kind of situation, and there are a few extras to consider; the first being, if this dude was committing a sexual assault, why didn’t the producers step in earlier? Even MTV knew better than to let a cast member drive drunk on The Real World: Hawaii. On the other hand, these are two supposed adults who had both been drinking to the max. Why is he the only bad guy? What if he was blackout drunk too? I can’t help but wonder if Corinne (who has a reputation of being an alcoholic idiot – I do read some recaps) is taking this sad ball of fame and running with it. She now claims she was “victimized,” when no one seems to even know what really went on. DeMario has since lost his job. If nothing else, it’s another case of all kinds of conclusions being jumped to before all of the facts are known.

🛎 I would also be remiss, having watched ABC soaps since I was at my Aunt Mary’s knee, not to mention a One Life to Live milestone anniversary from yesterday. On June 18, 1992, they introduced daytime TV’s first gay character. Billy Douglas (Ryan Phillipe). While OLTL is sadly gone from us, Billy paved the way for Brad, Lucas, Parker, et al.


Billy & Marty – One Life to Live

June 14, 2017 – Return of the Original Spinelli, Luann Gets Married, Gordon Kicks Butt & 2008


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

FYI, GH did not air anything new yesterday, so we didn’t miss anything. Areas where the Sessions testimony wasn’t on, got a rerun.

Jason looks at the shipping label from Jake’s package. Sam gets angry, and tells him this whole thing needs to be over.

Jake has a session with Andre. Elizabeth asks to talk to him for a second. She’s worried about Jake’s recovery. She says he’s been acting like nothing ever happened. She wonders if it’s part of Helena’s plan, and there’s something else to be triggered.

In Kelly’s with Nathan, Nina wonders if she should personally drop off a dress she has for Charlotte. She misses her, but Charlotte is getting used to living with Lulu now.

Anna visits Lulu. She hopes that Valentin hasn’t escaped custody, but Anna says he’s in custody in the Netherlands. She explains about the video that Valentin recorded; she promised she would show it to Charlotte.

The old Spinelli is back! He tells Sonny he’s sorry for his loss. Sonny says Ava is paying for what she did. Carly comes in, but Spinelli says unfortunately duty calls, and he can’t stay. Carly tells Sonny that Brick is cool, but she misses Spinelli, and Sonny should be grateful he has two geniuses to count on. Sonny is glad to see her, but she says they need to talk about what happened yesterday.

Nina says she did what Nathan wanted. She’s gotten the divorce papers back, and Valentin is in the Netherlands. Nathan says regardless of how he feels, Valentin loved her and it can’t be easy. Nina says they were a family, and it was the happiest time in her life, but it’s over. She says she also knows there was a part of Valentin that he couldn’t outrun, and that’s why he’s in prison. She’s moving on without bitterness or regrets. Well, maybe one regret.

Lulu tells Anna that they talked about Valentin visiting and reassuring Charlotte, but the WSB moved too fast. As usual, thinking only of herself, Lulu says Charlotte is doing great and doesn’t want to upset her by showing it to her. Anna says she gave her word. Lulu asks if there’s honor among spies, and Anna says they call it being human. He was a good father and wanted to say good-by. What is Lulu going to do when Charlotte asks later why her father never said good-by? I vote for lie and make a mess of things.

Andre sees no signs of a hidden agenda. His best advice to Elizabeth is to treat Jake like the others, and not like he’s under a microscope. She should trust how he’s doing. Everyone carries traces of trauma, but the important thing is to face it and not fear it; life continues.

Jason tells Sam that they can’t assume the threat is over. Helena is dead, but someone was working for her. Sam asks why it has to be him that finds them. Jason says a weapon was put in his son’s hands and he’s not letting it go. He asks her what’s going on. She says nothing; she’s just tired, and maybe coming down with something. Jason suggests someone else watch Scout, and she go back to the spa. She says she’s not a spa kind of girl, and he tells her to take a nap. If she feels up to it, maybe they can have lunch at the MetroCourt. She tells him be careful, and he says he always is.

Carly tells Sonny that things got emotional, and Sonny says no surprise. It was like the clouds parted when Ava confessed. It won’t bring Morgan back, but they have answers, and don’t have to believe they failed. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if she died. Carly says she got an update from Bobbie, and Ava’s condition has been upgraded to stable, and she’s even improving. Carly asks what if she never pays, but Sonny says she will in one way or another. He tells her to forget about Ava; he wants to feel what he did yesterday, and won’t let Ava change that. Carly brushes him off, saying she can’t do this.

Amy 2.0 asks Nathan for a favor. He says no, without even knowing what it is. He tells her that he’s not being the face of her advice column. She says he’s the only one who can save the book deal.

Lulu tells Anna that the last thing Charlotte needs is a reminder of a father who put her life at risk. Anna thinks that’s funny coming from someone with Luke as a father. You tell her, Anna. Lulu says that she’s not traumatizing Charlotte. Anna says it’s nothing cryptic; it’s sweet, and he tells her that wherever he is, he’ll be thinking about her. She adds that he’s promised to come back. Nina is at the door, and asks if that’s true, and if there’s a chance he could be released.

Jason meets with Spinelli. He explains about the package sent to Jake, and how it was really from Helena. Spinelli looks at the shipping label and says, The Jackal takes over.

Elizabeth drops by Jason’s place, wearing a beautiful lace top over a tank. She asks Sam if she can leave Jason a message. She tells Sam what Andre said, and wishes she felt they were past the danger. She mentions the shipping receipt, and Sam says that Jason is out looking for the mystery delivery man, and who knows what trouble that will start. Elizabeth says she just wants Jake safe, but Sam hears different voices in her head talking about being safe, like what happened to her at the spa. Elizabeth asks her about being an emergency contact while Jake is at camp, and is about to give her some information, but Sam sees her taking a gun out of her purse. Elizabeth hands her the forms, saying that she hopes it’s not an imposition. She asks if Sam is okay.

Spinelli tells Jason that he’s found security cameras in the area where the package came from.

Andre tells Jake that they’re just going to talk, and if he feels uncomfortable, just let him know. They do word association. He asks what he thinks of when he hears mom and dad – motorcycle riding and pizza – and has him elaborate. Then Andre says, Cassadine Island, and Jake is silent. He tells Jake what he thinks about – a little boy a lot like him, only younger, alone except for someone whispering in his ear. Jake says maybe, and Andre continues. He thinks the little boy had no one to talk to except an old woman telling him he was meant to do bad things. He says it’s a lot, but if Jake trusts him, he needs him to look at him. He tells Jake that he’s not that little boy anymore; he’s home and safe. He has his mom and dad and his brothers; he has Andre. He’s back where he belongs. He’s not a bad guy; he’s a good guy. I don’t think this is how word association works, but Andre is the psychiatrist. At a hospital I will never go to.

Carly tells Sonny that Josslyn knows. She says one minute they’re at each other’s throats, and the next they’re kissing. Sonny says he doesn’t blame Josslyn for being confused, but after what they’ve been though, it feels right. Carly says they keep going through the same cycle, and asks if he wants to go through it again. He says they made bad choices out of grief, but they can do better. Carly doesn’t want to risk doing it again, and risk hurting the ones they love. He asks if that’s really it, or is she still pissed about Jax?

Anna tells Nina that the WSB is confident they can secure a conviction. Nina talks about Valentin saying he’d be back last time, and he was. Anna can’t speculate. Nina says she knows Charlotte will miss him. Lulu has to pick her up, and asks Nina to wait to give her the dress personally. Anna says what about the message, but Lulu doesn’t know. She leaves, and Nina apologizes for putting Anna on the spot. Anna says it’s no secret how Lulu feels and why. Nina says it’s just them, and she wants to know what’s going to happen to Valentin.

Amy tells Nathan that there’s no book deal unless they can meet the man behind the column. Nathan says there is no man, and she should take credit for her own work. Clearly, he doesn’t have the answers to anyone’s problems, and the answer to this is no. He suggests she find someone else, and she tells him thanks for nothing. Geez, they’re basically acquaintances – Amy II expects a lot.

Anna doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but Valentin is living proof of what happens when the WSB wants to tie something off. She says the Chimera shouldn’t have existed in the first place, and they have to blame someone. She thinks they’re going to make Valentin the scapegoat. She doesn’t support it, but his hands aren’t clean. Nina says neither are her sister’s. Anna says they had her in custody, but she got away. She hates what Alex did, and thinks she should stand trial. Nina says it doesn’t matter; they’re getting divorced. Nina asks if Anna thinks she’s a coward. Anna says she can’t tell Nina how to think or feel, but the story isn’t black and white. The man she knew and married, Charlotte’s father, is a good man. She thinks he’s the man he wanted to be before it went so horribly wrong.

Carly says what Sonny did to Jax was wrong, but if the positions were reversed, she’d do the same. Sonny says thanks for admitting that they’re alike, which is why they belong together. She tells him that when things go wrong, they don’t balance each other out; they implode. He asks if she still wants a divorce.

Sam tells Elizabeth she’s sleep deprived and thinks she might be getting a cold. Elizabeth ask if she wants a doctor appointment, but Sam says no, and of course she can use her as a contact for Jake; she’s actually honored. Elizabeth asks her to have Jason call if he finds out anything. Sam says the guy is probably long gone, and Elizabeth says she hopes Sam is right. When Elizabeth is gone, Sam tells herself to get a grip. It’s nothing sleep won’t cure.

Spinelli tells Jason that maybe there was no delivery truck, and the guy came in a car. He notices one that was in the vicinity a couple of times. He can’t get clear image of a face, but gets the license plate. Jason says good thing Spinelli isn’t in the business anymore, or he might have to hack into government records and find out who owns the car. They smile at each other.

Lulu comes back with Charlotte. Nina tells Charlotte she missed her, and asks about camp. Charlotte asks if papa is back, but Nina says that she brought her something. Charlotte opens the box and says the dress is prettier than she’d imagined. Nina says she told them how to make it, so she’s the designer. Charlotte thanks her. Nina tells Charlotte that there have been a lot of changes, and she’s here living with her mom and new family. Nina thinks it’s cool, and wants her to know they won’t see each other that much anymore. Charlotte asks if she’s going away, but Nina says no. Charlotte is with her mom and family now, and she’s happy for her, but no matter what, she loves her. Charlotte says she knows, and loves her too. They sing a song together. Anna tells Lulu it’s not about them; it’s about Charlotte.

Sam wakes up startled, and thinking someone is there. She calls out, who are you, and what do you want? I’m not sure why people do that. If someone is sneaking around your house, they’re probably not going to answer those questions. Sam hears Scout crying, and goes upstairs.

Spinelli tells Jason that it’s a rental car, and he has to look up the license of the renter. After a moment, Spinelli says, got him.

Andre tells Elizabeth that he and Jake had a good talk. He’s a sensitive, bright boy, and they’re on the right track. Jake tells Andre he doesn’t want to be a magician anymore. Maybe he wants to play baseball. An orderly watches them from the hallway.

Lulu tells Charlotte that Anna has something for her too, from her papa. Anna tells her that Valentin was sad that he didn’t get to see her before he went away, but he made a video for her. She says she can set it up for privacy, but Charlotte wonders if Nina should hear it too, since she didn’t get to say good-by either.

Carly says she’ll sign everything back over to Sonny, and they can each keep what they brought to the marriage. He says rationally, it makes sense, and she asks if he agrees. He says they’ve been divorced before, and it didn’t change anything; they’re a part of each other. She says maybe they need to let go, and hugs him. That’s not letting go. She leaves, and Sonny ponders.

Charlotte gives Nina an earbud. She says she knows that Nina misses papa too. They listen together.

Amy is on the phone, saying she’ll find another way, and she’s sorry it’s going to take longer to find the money, but don’t give up, adding, I love you. Nathan overhears.

Sam says mommy needs her nap too, and gets back on the couch.

Spinelli asks Jason if he recognizes the guy, and he says yes. His name is Costa Phillipos, and he’s the orderly who was watching Jake.

Elizabeth thanks Andre. Jake says, happy mom, happy life. Andre thinks he might have a future as a baseball playing, motorcycle riding psychiatrist. Jake says he’ll think it over. The orderly follows them as they leave.

Tomorrow, Griff might know what’s wrong with Sam, Jake and Costa meet, and Olivia-F tells Julian to stay out of Leo’s life.

The Real Housewives of New York City

It’s morning at Sonja’s place, and her lover, Frenchie, is there. He’s already been up and out, and brought her a poinsettia, and is making eggs. In her interview, she says he’s taking it seriously, and it looks like they’re dating, and she’s dating Rocco. Tinsley comes down. She likes when Frenchie spends the night because she gets breakfast. In her interview, Tinsley tells us that originally Sonja had picked him out for her, and then scooped him up. They discuss relationships and labels. Zzzz… IMO nobody likes labels because they’re afraid to commit. To anything. In her interview, Sonja says it’s scary, and not what she was looking for, but expects things to fall into place. Frenchie mentions Rocco, so he’s not as ignorant as Sonja thinks. He makes more eggs, and I think I’m in love.

Bethenny is decorating for her holiday party. She wants it to be a glam NYC party. A super gigantic bottle of SkinnyGirl is brought in. There’s a luge made of ice on it, and some kind of contraption that you can drink out of. Someone gave me a bottle of her Cosmopolitan once, and it was good, but I was like, where’s the liquor? Dorinda throws a gift together in the car. Ramona wasn’t invited. She’s going out with Avery and her girlfriends instead. Do they know? Sonja is off to some faraway place after dropping in. Tinsley jokes that she and Connor are getting together while she’s away, but Sonja isn’t amused.

Bethenny has personalized ornaments for everyone. Dorinda arrives first, and marvels at the caviar. She asks the chef to teach her how to open an oyster. He says eating oysters is like eating the sea. Very poetic. Oyster success! Dorinda says the ornaments are perfect, and Bethenny says she has one for Luann, but she’s away. And Ramona isn’t allowed in her building. Coal for you!

Ramona and the girls go to a restaurant, and she suggests starting with a cocktail. In her interview, she says it’s like Avery’s Sweet Sixteen was yesterday, and now all the girls are in their twenties. Ramona tells the girls about how she blacked out and attacked Bethenny in a rage. She claims that she and Bethenny are a lot alike. One of the girls says she shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells with a friend, and Ramona acts like she’s Yoda. In her interview, Ramona says they have a bond and synergy. Oh… I’m not even sure what to say. We flash back to Dorinda squawking at her about the guest room being trashed.

Tinsley arrives at Bethenny’s party, laden with gifts. Everything is white and feathery, with red, and silver accents. Carole says she’d be a bigger drinker if they all came in an ice sculpture luge. Tinsley talks about Ramona not apologizing for trashing Dorinda’s room, but saying that she shouldn’t have come at Bethenny. Dorinda tells them that she suggested leaving Ramona a can of gasoline next time. Sonja joins the group, and Dorinda says she was recapping. She says that Ramona is all, ignore it and it will go away, and Carole is surprised at Ramona’s aggression. She thinks that divorced life isn’t as fun as Ramona thought it would be. Sonja says Ramona has always trashes hotel rooms. What?

At the restaurant, Ramona tells the story in a whole different way, making up some cock-and-bull story, and pretending it was nothing. <sigh> We saw the pictures. Ramona says how special the girls are to her, and everyone toasts.

Luann gets ready for her big day. Dorinda arrives. Luann thinks she forgot she had to be there early for hair and makeup, and went to the beach. In her interview, Luann says she’s a hopeless romantic (or maybe she’s just hopeless – BA-DUM-CHH!), and Tom is like “home” for her. She feels loved, wanted, and whole as a couple. The attendants come down the aisle, with Luann following with her brother. She says it’s everything she imagined, and of course, she looks breathtaking. The altar is adorned with a simple arch of flowers. In her interview, Luann says a lot of people weren’t supportive, so this is what she has to say to them, and holds up her ring fingers. The bride and groom are announced, and Marilyn Monroe pops out of a cake. The first dance and cake happen while Luann voiceovers about love.

Carole and Bethenny go to Chinatown. They have lunch at a dumpling house where you pick your own dumplings and other dishes out from a cart. Carole wants Bethenny to choose her food. Bethenny says Carole is literally lost in America. They talk about not being invited to Luann’s wedding. In her interview, Carole alludes to something about Tom, but I’m not sure what. That he’s gay? A playboy? I don’t know. Adam has finally moved out. Carole tells Bethenny it’s time, and six months of living together was a lot. She feels like there’s balance again.

Ramona visits Dorinda. Fast wedding. Do we get a special? Dorinda tells Ramona that she forgot to book some of the flights. In her interview, she hopes it wasn’t anything psychological. She says Luann looked like a princess, and shows Ramona some video clips. In her interview, Dorinda tells us that she also forgot her dress. She doesn’t want to go to any more parties right now. Apparently, Luann is having a party for the people who weren’t invited, or as Ramona says, the discards.

Bethenny and Ramona go to an ice cream place, where Bethenny orders green tea Oreo. Carole tries blueberry lavender, and makes a face like you would think. She ends up getting chocolate, and Bethenny tells her that she’s boring.

Sonja says she has to make space for Frenchie’s things. She explains to Tinsley that she told him that he’s more on Tinsley’s list than hers, because he’ll want kids, and he said what about adoption? Sonja pretends to faint. She gives Tinsley instructions on the changes he wants, and says it’s a conundrum. Tinsley wonders if she can make changes too.

NYC at Christmastime is a wonderland. Bethenny hopes this is the last celebration she attends for a wedding she wasn’t invited to. She says she did call Luann a whore though, and deserves her station in life, the aftermath party. Ha-ha! She hits the bar before anyone else gets there. Dorinda is next, and Bethenny says it’s weird that she’s been there by by herself for fifteen minutes. Ever the hostess, even though it’s not her party, Dorinda apologizes. Dorinda tells her about the wedding, and how they have to stop celebrating now. Bethenny says it’s like Ramadan.

Luann arrives – she’s married – time to celebrate! She says she didn’t cut the line, she just got in it, and got a great guy. Ramona thinks the venue is drab, and maybe they ran out of money. She’s the worst. She asks Luann about the wedding, explaining to Avery that it was Luann’s first wedding, since she eloped the first time. Luann tells them how wonderful it was. Ramona thinks Tinsley’s date – Troy, the guy she met at the bar – is more appropriate for Avery. Tinsley happens to look quite young, you jealous thing. I never liked them younger even when I was, but I think you should date/marry whoever you bloody well want to.

Tom talks about Luann putting her heart and soul into the wedding. Sonja makes a grand entrance with Frenchie. She’d been keeping him on the DL, but now her worlds are mixed. Tinsley tells Bethenny about Frenchie moving in, and Bethenny compares it to Three’s Company. I hear Ramona’s annoying laugh. In her interview, Dorinda wonders how that works with Sonja still dating Rocco.

Tinsley’s date is twenty-three. Carole thinks that’s fine, but he’s not husband material for her. Sonja says Ramona generally doesn’t bring one of her victims out in public. In other words, she’s brought a date. Tinsley spills her wine. Troy swills his wine. Frenchie talks about bicycling through a vineyard. Sonja says Tinsley’s date is like, twelve, and Ramona tells her to shush. Tom says Luann is a great cook, and Carole asks if he actually saw her make the food. Sonja introduces them to Frenchie.

Tom says Luann is the best present he ever got. Dorinda bangs on a glass for attention. She says since she made a speech that was barely understandable at the engagement party, she’s making a toast now. She thanks Luann for having them, and asks if they’re done celebrating. Everyone laughs. Encouraged, She gets off on a small tangent about how great the wedding was, even though some of them weren’t invited, and how good it made her feel. Tom says she always makes it nice. Kudos to him for paying attention. He talks about never being happier, and everyone drinks. Bethenny and company drink to the friends that weren’t invited.

Next time, Sonja tells Frenchie that everyone is joking about them, Sonja talks to Rocco, Frederik is back, and Dorinda tries to play peacemaker. Good luck with that.

🍳 Aarón Sánchez has joined Gordon and Christina Tosi as a judge on MasterChef. Gordon told contestant Mark that his American breakfast dish was “hard to look at,” and asked if he was just going through the motions. In all honesty, looking at his plate, I thought I could go through the motions better than that and wondered how he got here. That’s the first time I’ve said that in the history of MasterChef. Not surprisingly, Mark went home. He was a good loser sport, but then negated it by saying if he had two arms, he’d be patting himself on the back. Humility, dude.

🍜 On The f Word, Kal Pen, Max Greenfield, and Katy Perry were guests. The challenge dish was chicken parmigiana, with  spaghetti and broccoli rabe. The challengers were The Meatheads – a group of friends and retired football players – vs Win & Stein – siblings from Boca Raton who dress in costume on Thanksgiving, when they play a game of kickball, a bottle of champagne going to the winners. The Meatheads had the highest percentage of diners saying they’d pay for the meal, therefore moving to the finals. This surprised me, since several of the diners had complained of the chicken being undercooked.

It was National Bourbon Day, so Gordon played a game of truth or fiction with Kal, the loser drinking a shot. Gordon lost miserably, and after a few shots, started tossing them on the floor. After Kal answered wrong, and took an extra shot to make it more even, he found out Gordon’s glasses contained green tea instead. The Guinness world record holder was challenged by Gordon to a match of halibut fileting. (It has to be cut into portions of a certain size as well.) Nineteen-year-old Jenna Fabich lost by 9 seconds, and Gordon now holds the title. Katy and Gordon made meatballs over spiralized vegetables, with Katy being given only vocal instructions, as Gordon set up a partition between them. I find her alternately fun and irritating. I was good with her until she ran away from a smoking pan. If there had been a couch in the vicinity, I’m sure she would have jumped on it. I have to mention too, that this show is filmed live, which adds a certain flavor to the atmosphere. No pun intended, but it is an f-word. Next time, it’s Andy Cohen in a cook-off with Gordon, there’s a fishing excursion, and Gordon’s daughter, Tilly, joins him.

🎪 This week, Andy Cohen’s Then & Now covered 2008 – oh, the year my life started going downhill. Britney Spear’s breakdown, and the YouTube guy who yelled “leave her alone!” Octomom, and Bernie Madoff (even Elie Wiesel got taken). Obama (thanks for ruining my life during your administration) and how that ties into Trump (thanks for ruining my life right now, because I can’t win no matter what party is in office). Ironman, Dark Knight, and the more human superheroes. Heath Ledger’s death, the beginnings of The Real Housewives of the OC, and the housing market crash. Kevin Smith commenting on the comics come to life, and the guys from Million Dollar Listing giving insight into the real estate drop. In an amusing moment, while Sarah Palin was being discussed, Andy accidentally called Tina Fey “Tina Palin.” When cultures collide. An interesting bit of Trivia was also handed to Meghan McCain when Andy told her about a cereal named after her father (and a few other political figures), the profits going to kickstart Airbnb. She was like, my father didn’t see a dime, but more power to them. Next time is the season finale. They didn’t give a year, but it looks like the theme is the rich and famous. I’ll be sad when this is over – it’s been a fun look back!

June 13, 2017 – Sessions Replaces Soaps, Kenny WILL Eat Onions & a Wild Quote


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

Funny. That doesn’t look like GH. It looks like the Sessions testimony. Wake me when it’s over.

3:22 (the time, not a Bible verse) and it looks like it’s not going to be over.

Thank you, FOX, for not bothering with this drivel. At least I got to see my favorite judge, Marilyn Milian, on People’s Court. I suppose this screws up the entire GH rhythm for the week though.

Below Deck Mediterranean

When last we left, Chef Adam was doing his best to make sure the tip is as low as possible. Primary guest Kenny is going to eat onions whether he wants to or not, and no matter how much money he’s spent not to eat them.

The ferry has been delayed, and Adam gripes that the food is going to spoil. Hannah says she can’t look after both the inside and his food, so he should take the initiative. He suggests maybe Bugs should be chief stew, and Hannah suggests they get a chef that can read preference sheets. Bugs is annoyed at being put in the middle, but I’m not sure why she didn’t speak up for Hannah here. The ferry arrives, and champagne corks are popped.

Hannah says she doesn’t need Adam diminishing her rank in front of her first stew. Adam is thrilled to be on the ferry with Malia. He has a burning feeling inside that he wants to pursue. I think that’s called something else, but we’ll leave it there. Hannah tells us that the waterfalls there are the most beautiful in Europe. Seeing them, I’m sure she’s right, although the picnic spot is crowded, and reminiscent of an NYC park in summertime.

Adam says he’s met Kennys before on charters, and they’re his rivals. He thinks Kenny should be appreciative and like onions. Hannah tells Wes about Adam’s attitude. In his interview, Wes says people come out of their shells on charters. You see who they really are, and Adam is an ogre on the inside. Man, is he being polite.

Adam and Malia sneak off to the waterfall. Although it’s not that sneaky, since the rest of the crew notices. Bobby is miffed that he’ll never get his chance. The guests have more shots than I would before going into the water. Adam talks to Malia, who says she likes being on the outside, like the yacht is a prison. He answers that he likes being on the outside with her. Bleh. They talk about what they’re doing after charter season. In her interview, Malia says part of her is thinking that Wes didn’t get the opportunity to come, and yaps about how she’s getting to know two very different guys. Zzzzz…

The guests come back to the boat, more liquor, and the Jacuzzi. Bugs alerts Adam that they’re asking about dinner already. In his interview, Adam says Kenny rubbed him the wrong way, saying that people hire him because they like his food, and “this redneck isn’t going to pull him through the mud.” Honestly, what is wrong with him? Because the guest was given a preference sheet and filled it out with his preferences, this makes him an awful human? Adam is dragging himself through the mud. He puts onions in the soup. A guy, who has paid tens of thousands for his yacht vacation, has one freaking request, and not only can Adam not comply with it, he has to call him nasty names. I swear, if I ever see Adam on the street, we’re having it out. He annoys me more than Puck from The Real World. And that is saying a lot.

The dinner table is decorated in gold, silver and pearls. Love the pearls! Hannah tells the guests they’re doing an obstacle course in the morning, with the crew competing against the guests. Hannah and Lauren serve the soup, and I hold my breath. Kenny asks if it’s onion soup, even though it was presented as lentil. The worst part of the whole thing is how Adam watches them again on the monitor like some creepy voyeur.

Out on deck, Max asks Malia if Adam is her cup of tea, and what about Wes. In his interview, he says he’s glad he’s taken, so he’s out of this. The entrée is lamb and some kind of local vegetables. I’m not a fan of lamb, but it looks fabulous, and I’m intrigued by the vegetable plate. Hopefully, it’s not laden with onions. Wes and Malia go for a walk. Hannah serves the lamb, and the guests joke that they’re vegetarian. Kenny is sure there were onions in the soup. What if he was allergic or it caused some other health problem? He seems like a nice guy too. If I’d paid that much not to eat onions, Adam would be wearing them.

Max tells Bobby that Malia was put off by the Lauren thing, but Bobby thinks he could win her over and is still going to try.  Wes says he and Adam used to be buddy-buddy, but it’s not happening now because of Malia. One of the guests falls asleep on the toilet. Apparently, it’s not the first time, and he has a reputation for it.

Bobby asks Malia if she’s up for a chat. He asks her if she’d be interested if it was a different situation. I guess they must all be after her because pickin’s are slim on charter. She’s cute, but it’s not like she belongs on a runway. Malia doesn’t think that Bobby is a bad guy, and he’s her type of guy, but the baggage with Lauren is a blockade. She’s willing to hang out and see if a friendship develops, and he thinks he still has a chance. Actually, he looks pretty good next to Adam.

Breakfast is followed by cocktails. Kenny thinks maybe they’ve set the bar too high for Adam. Hannah doesn’t feel anything is resolved, and becomes all business with Adam. The obstacle course is set up. One of the challenges is carrying an egg on a spoon while wearing a diving suit, which is pretty amusing. Bobby says he feels like Gumby (dammit!). By the time they get to the hotdog eating challenge, it’s more goofing around than anything else. Lauren says the crew really won, but they’re calling it a tie. Captain Sandy arrives with shots. Kenny says it’s been great except for the onions in his food. In her interview, the captain is like, what?

Bugs says everything was perfect between her and Hannah, until Adam said something. My advice is that Bugs should have countered what he said, instead of acquiescing. Kenny talks to Bugs about the onion issue. He thinks they were clear after the first time, and he’s sure there were onions in the soup. Hannah asks if Adam can make chips instead of French fries, but that’s also too hard for him. I’m starting to wonder about his credentials. Maybe he really handed out samples at Costco. The captain asks Adam if he’s putting onions in the food. On deck, Bobby says when he gets his own boat, he’s naming it “See You Next Tuesday,” because he’s really a fourteen-year-old boy, and negates all the good feelings I had for him a few paragraphs ago.

Adam admits to cooking with onions, but claims he didn’t do it after the first time. Captain Sandy asks if he can cook without them. In her interview, she says guests pay top dollar and make out preference sheets for a reason. Thank you. Kenny talks to Hannah about the soup. She asks Bugs about it, but Bugs isn’t sure. Max is concerned that Adam is going to cost them. Hannah approaches Adam about the soup, and he admits to putting onions in it. She asks why he would do that, and he claims you can’t make a good soup without them, and he thought it was funny. Hannah thinks he’s psychotic. She wonders if she should tell Kenny he’s right, and Adam says if she wants to ruin the tip. She calls him a wanker. Ha-ha! He claims he can’t make these people happy, and he didn’t like the way Kenny was talking. Huh? Hannah says she just does her job, and gives the guests what’s on their preference sheets. He asks if that’s a resting bitch face, and the captain overhears. She tells him not to put onions in the food.

Bobby complains that he’s being strategically placed where Malia isn’t. Hannah tells Captain Sandy that her issue isn’t with the onions on the first night, but Adam went out of his way to put them in the food on the second night because he thought it was funny. In her interview, the captain also uses the word “psychotic.” Hannah tells her about how Adam said that Bugs should be chief stew, and thinks he’s directly affecting the guests. Lauren asks Hannah how it’s going, and Hannah tells her about Adam. She wants the rest of the crew to know how he sabotaged them. Bugs and Malia talk. Malia thinks this side of Adam isn’t a good one, and didn’t know it existed.

Time for the guests to depart. It should be interesting. I’d give the rest of them Adam’s part of the tip, purposely cutting him out, like it was a will and I was Joan Crawford. Kenny says the interior and the crew nailed it. He tells Adam that he doesn’t like onions, and Adam breached that. His only suggestion is in the chef area, explaining that they had the same breakfast every day, and feels that if they hadn’t specifically asked for eggs, they wouldn’t have gotten them. Of course not, he would have given them onions. Kenny gives special kudos to Hannah, who he says has extraordinary patience. I don’t think these people were bad at all, and there were plenty of guests who would have totally flipped out over the onion thing.

The crew meets in the main salon. Captain Sandy says that no one was carried off on a stretcher and there were no breakdowns (not sure if she’s referring to the boat, the people, or both), but it wasn’t necessarily a success. She addresses Adam specifically, saying the guests obviously weren’t happy. In her interview, she says she’s pissed off, and if he did it out of spite, she’ll want to meet with him. Shockingly, the tip is the best they’ve had. $20K, or $1,818 each. In his interview, Adam says reality is starting to kick in. Idiot.

Bobby says if he was the captain, Adam would be gone. Wes is getting mixed signals from Malia. The captain asks Adam why. He claims that it was the only way the soup could have any flavor, since he’s never heard of celery, bay leaf, or beef stock. Captain Sandy says next charter, she’s watching him. In her interview, she says that she wants to fire him, but can’t find chef mid-season in Croatia. Where. Is. Ben?

Drama, onions, ego. Hannah is ready to let loose. Lauren pours vodka into her Coke bottle. Adam doesn’t want to go out, but feels like he should show he’s part of the team. Hannah says it’s been awkward with Bugs, but Adam is the only one who should feel awkward. Agreed. At dinner, everyone talks about the guests and how cool they were. Adam says if they hadn’t gotten a tip, he’d be feeling horrible, and offers them his share. Malia respects him for that, but they say no, which he probably figured would happen, so I call bullsh*t. I’d take it. In his interview, Wes alludes that Adam made the gesture for Malia, but money can’t solve being a d*ck. Never a truer word has been spoken.

The crew moves on to a club. Hannah talks to Lauren about what Adam said. She thinks it made Bugs’s head get big. In her interview, Bugs thinks Hannah has something against her. Adam feels emotionally attached, and isn’t sure what’s happening with Wes and Malia, so he runs back to the boat like a middle schooler to the bathroom at a dance. Bugs says he wasn’t feeling the vibe, and Malia says she’ll be right back, because she’s an idiot too. Bobby says that just killed the vibe, and Wes is no longer interested. He says one day she’ll wish she chose the good guy.

Next charter, sparks fly between Hannah and a guest, a guest makes a pass at Bobby, Bugs confronts Hannah, and Captain Sandy says one more screw up and Adam is gone.

A Quote & Meme to Make Up for GH

I don’t give two hoots about civilization. I want to wander in the wild.Jane Goodall 


June 6, 2017 – Spencer Returns & Chef Adam Loves Onions


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

Laura tells Lulu that Valentin won’t let anything happen to Charlotte. Lulu says it’s her fault for warning him. She wanted to spare Charlotte the pain of seeing her father taken away. Anna arrives, and says she thinks she knows where Valentin is.

Charlotte tells Valentin that something is wrong and someone is in big trouble.

At the hospital, Julian tries to talk to Lucas, but Lucas isn’t having it. He asks if Lucas has any compassion left for his father.

Sam brings Scout to meet Alexis at Perks. Alexis says she’s going to focus on her girls. Sam calls Scout by the wrong name, and Alexis asks if she’s okay.

Sonny pours drinks for Jason and himself. He wants to drink to justice – the kind of karma that bites someone in the ass. He says he let Ava live so she can suffer. She loses everything, and it’s the hell she deserves.

Sam tells Alexis that it’s the first time she’s raised a kid from scratch; she’s exhausted and thrown off her game. Alexis suggests she take some time for herself.

Jason asks what Sonny would have done if there hadn’t been a fire. Sonny says he would have let Ava run, and when people stopped missing her, he would have dealt with her on his terms. He says she’s in constant pain now, and will have surgeries for many years to come. He tells Jason that Ava tried to turn it around, saying that he and Carly had failed their son, and it’s a parent’s worst nightmare to think they failed when they were needed most.

Julian tells Lucas that he wishes things were different, and he’s sorry. Lucas asks what he’s sorry for – his crimes or that he has to pay for them. Julian says both. At least he’s honest.

Charlotte tells Valentin that people come and look for you when you skip school. Valentin promises her she’s not in trouble, and he’ll call it a field trip, so she’ll get extra credit. He tells her that he wants to play a game. It’s like Halloween, but they make up new names and life stories. If anyone asks anything, they’ll have the answers. To win, they have to play all the time, even when they’re by themselves. He gives her a passport with a new name, Geneviève. Valentin is Gaspar, and they hail from Montreal.

Anna tells Lulu about how Nina said Charlotte always wanted to visit Niagara Falls. She says if Valentin gets her across the border, they can disappear. Dante says one thing they have going for them is that he’s traveling with his daughter. Lulu asks what she can do. Anna says she’s Charlotte’s mother, and Valentin is a realist; he’d prefer Charlotte be with her than be a ward of the state. Laura says she’ll watch Rocco and man the phone. Anna tells Lulu, let’s go get your daughter. Like it’s going to be that simple.

Valentin quizzes Charlotte in French. There’s a knock at the door, and he tells her to practice her French in the bedroom. The hotel manager tells Valentin that someone was asking about them, but since Valentin was so generous at check-in, he knew nothing. Valentin slips him more money to be discreet. He tells Charlotte they have to go, and now the real game begins. He makes a call, saying there’s a change of plans, and he needs a car now.

Alexis tells Sam to go to the spa; she needs some time to recharge. Sam says she can’t ditch Scout, but Alexis says that’s what grandmas do – take the kids, corrupt them, and then give them back. Sam agrees to go. Alexis tells Scout that she thought Sam would never leave.

Lucas says he has no compassion for Julian. He tells Julian keep walking if he sees him outside of the hospital, and good luck in prison. Julian says that Lucas owes him nothing, but it still hurts.

Sonny tells Jason that when Morgan started to spiral, they couldn’t find the answer, but it was right in front of them. Why didn’t they just look?

Spencer is back! Laura opens the door, and there he is.

Charlotte tells Valentin that he promised they could see the Falls. He says sometimes plans change, but they’ll see them. He tells her that sometimes things don’t go your way, but they’ll be fine if they’re together. There’s a knock at the door. Valentin thinks it’s the car, but it’s Anna, Dante, and Lulu, who must have gotten there in a Star Trek transporter. I guess it was that simple.

Jason talks to Sonny about losing Jake, and wondering how he was going to get past it. Sonny says you can’t. The only knowledge he gained is that nothing is permanent. Jason doesn’t think Sonny and Carly are done just yet. He thinks they might have been brought closer by facing Ava down.

Julian sees Alexis at Perks. He tells her that she doesn’t have to leave. He looks at Scout. Alexis tells him to say hello to his granddaughter.

Laura asks Spencer how he got there. He’s like, um… She asks if he left school and flew by himself. He says there’s an app for everything. She asks how the school let him leave. He tells her that there’s also an app that can create a text from one’s grandmother saying there’s a family emergency. She says for shame, but he says shame never got anyone anywhere. She says she’s angry, but still glad he’s there because she can emotionally multitask. He brings up Valentin, and she says he’ll get what’s coming to him. Spencer says that’s why he’s here – he’s going to avenge his father and reclaim Windemere. He says Valentin would have kidnapped him if not for Sonny.

Charlotte comes out, and Lulu says, surprise! Valentin talks to Charlotte in French. She asks if she’s in trouble. He says no, but he wants her to go with her mother. He and Charlotte look sadly at each other.

Valentin asks if Charlotte feels at home with Lulu and their family. She says she does, and he tells her to go with them, and make him proud. She asks when he’s getting her. He says he has business to take care of, but it will be soon. She says he can take her to the Falls after school is over. He tells her good-by, and Dante and Lulu leave with her. He cries, and he’s making me want to cry.

Spencer says it sounds like Laura is going to try and talk sense into him. Laura tells him to stay away from Valentin. Spencer says he’ll make her mistress of Windemere again. She says that Windemere is big and cold, and it’s more comfortable here. He asks if they can get a pizza; he’s missed the local cuisine. She says she’s missed him, but has to send him back to France for his own good.

Sam gets a massage, but she’s not feeling it. The masseuse tells her to relax.

Alexis introduces Julian and Scout to each other. She asks if Julian wants to hold Scout, and he says more than almost anything. She’s very cute, and looks like a teeny tiny Hawaiian. Julian talks baby-talk to her. Alexis says she wishes Sam would take better care of herself; she practically had to force Sam to let her babysit. She asks about Ava, and Julian says there’s no change. He says if he goes to prison, there will be no going away party. and if he ends up alone, it’s on him. Alexis looks sad. God almighty, today is all about children and sad faces.

Valentin wants Anna’s word that Charlotte will want for nothing, saying that she’s extraordinary. Anna says he shouldn’t have run with her. What would have happened if there was a high-speed chase or SWAT team? She says that’s the man she knows, the one who made the good gesture. He says courts don’t recognize a gesture. He pulls out a gun, and tells Anna not to take it personally.

She asks if he’s going to kill her, and if that’s the legacy he wants to leave. He says he’ll never see Charlotte again. He’ll be shipped to a super max for the rest of his life by the ICC. Anna struggles with him, and the gun goes off.

Laura reminds Spencer about how great he thought the school was. He says he has a new perspective; any place that keeps him from his grandmother and pizza is a prison. She says he’s laying it on pretty thick. He asks how he can save the family while he’s conjugating French verbs.

Sonny tells Jason that he and Carly didn’t die; it must count for something. He asks about Sam and the kids. Jason says they’re great. Sonny says Olivia-J and Ava, one is as bad as the other. Jason thinks it’s not possible to love anything more than he loves his family.

Sam is still having a hard time. She apologizes, and the masseuse tells her to try and let go. She says sorry, she can’t do this. She’s just not big on massages.

Alexis tells Julian that at least he’s acknowledging the pain and damage that he caused. She says she did the same when she was drinking. She tells him that people don’t change overnight; some don’t change at all. Some can’t change who they are, but they can either change what they do, or make excuses and go back to hurting people. Julian says he’s not going to do that. He wants to prove himself worthy of her love. He reminds her about the hotel room, and says he loves her too. She says sometimes love isn’t enough, which is almost as bad as “love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Sonny tells Jason that all he wanted is for his family to be safe and secure, but even if you plan for the future, the past is there to breathe down your neck

Julian tells Scout that if he gets paroled, he’ll come to her wedding. He’s sure that since he turned down the DA’s deal, they’re going to come after him full force. Alexis says that maybe Scotty is better than they think. Alexis leaves. Julian calls Scotty, and says there’s something important he has to talk about.

Sam gets home. Jason asks if she forgot the baby, but Sam says she’s with Alexis. She tells him about the massage, and how it had the opposite affect – she’s more tense now.

On the phone, Laura says that she’s glad everyone is all right. Spencer chows down on pizza. She tells him that she has a surprise of her own. He asks if he’s the surprise she’s talking about, ergo he’s staying. She says ergo nothing; she might send him home on a red eye. He says people bring their livestock on those. Is he talking about Snakes on a Plane? She tells him he can stay for now, and hugs him. We could all use some Spencer in our lives.

Anna and Valentin look into the mirror that was shot. Anna says that’s not him he’s looking at. She takes the gun, saying she remembers him; he’s a good man, and she liked and admired him. He says she didn’t want him kissing her. She says she was young, stupid, and naïve, and regrets it; she’s not the enemy. She didn’t manipulate him; it was Alex who betrayed him. He says but now she’s arresting him – it’s ironic. He tells her that she has transgressions of her own. He hopes there as good as gone, or someone will come for her one day. She asks if it will it make him happy, and he says no. She had her reasons. She’s changed and made a good life, and he hopes she keeps it; one of them should. He asks what she’s waiting for, and she reads him his rights, tears running down her face. He’s going to be extradited. If found guilty, he’ll go to a super max facility.

Tomorrow, Griff talks to Finn, Jordan and Curtis celebrate, and Lulu tells Valentin that Nina turned him in. Because she’s really an evil human being.

Below Deck Mediterranean

Adam tells Malia to forget about Wes. He kisses her, and she comes out with her lipstick all smeared like it’s a walk of shame. Max says it looks like a crime scene, and she didn’t even try to hide it. As usual, only thinking of himself, Bobby says he guesses any shot he had with her is gone. Who knows? Lauren and Hannah whisper, wondering who it was she was kissing, and Malia says say it to her face. Lauren says she just wants to know which one, but Malia says a lady never tells, the word “lady” being debatable. She tells Lauren that if she has anything to say, say it to her face and not to Hannah. Lauren suggests that next time, Malia take her makeup off first, before parading around.

Lauren sees Adam with his face full of lipstick, and says it’s him. Malia tells her that she kissed Wes too, and repeats that if she wants to know something, ask her. Lauren says she has to pick one, or there will be drama. In her interview, Malia says it’s no one else’s business. She tells Wes that he and Adam both kissed her tonight, and bugs Lauren again. In his interview, Wes says he broke his own rule because it felt natural, but now it hurts. Hey dude, at least you found out what she’s like early on.

Lauren tells Malia she’s worked on yachts before, and suggests it’s not a good look to make out with two guys that share a room. Hannah says they need to call it a night.

Wes asks Adam how he’s feeling, and tells him they both kissed Malia, which is apparently the theme tonight. Lauren says she didn’t do anything wrong, but now her roommate hates her. She tells Bugs what happened. Bugs asks if Wes knows, and now wishes she hadn’t told him to go for it.

Max says a storm is coming up, but Malia thinks it came last night. The crew gets ready for the new charter. Adam insists on a group hug with Malia and Wes. Ew! This is too creepy for me, but Malia is glad they’re not making it difficult for her. She hopes nothing happens with Bobby now. Like she has no control over this

Amber and Ken are the primaries, and Hannah remembers them from last season. We flash back to a bunch of unsettling drunks in the hot tub. Hannah hopes they step up their game and have an orgy. Their two main requests are make sure they never run out of vodka and Ken wants nothing to do with onions. They also want a water toy obstacle course, and to see some waterfalls. A ferry will have to be taken to the falls, since they don’t allow yachts that close.

A slide and a trampoline arrive. Wes says slides are his kryptonite. I know that everyone hates them. They’re difficult to handle and take up a lot of space. Malia finds Lauren doing laundry, and they hug it out. Lauren says she’s sorry if she hurt Malia’s feelings. Malia says she was feeling defensive, and she’s not that kind of girl, which I find doubtful. Lauren says everyone has one of those nights, and she’ll just forget it happened.

Hannah and Wes go over the schedule. Bugs apologizes to Wes, who says Malia doesn’t come across as that kind of person, but he’s cool with Adam. Adam tells Hannah it’s all good, but she wonders about that. He asks if he should find Wes another chick, since Malia is his. In his interview, he says typically, you don’t date your boss, so Wes should back off. Bugs asks Wes if he’s going to talk to Malia, and he says there are rules for reasons.

The guests arrive. Bobby is stoked to have Kenny and Amber back. Hannah gives the tour, and asks how they’ve been. Probably drunk. She introduces them to the hot tub, and wonders if there will be an eightsome. Captain Sandy tells Wes that he’s going to be doing everything.

Hannah tells Ken that the chef is good, and he asks if she’s sweet on him. She tells him that homie don’t play that. Bobby thinks they should get a student driver sign for the yacht with Wes in charge. Malia thinks it’s sexy the way Wes steers them off the dock. Okay.

Lauren would rather do laundry than have lunch. She wants to prove herself to Hannah. Bobby tells the new crew members about the last charter with Ken. Why is Adam preparing leeks? He says if the recipe calls for onions, he’s putting them in. Idiot. He watches as Ken picks them out, totally ignoring that and acting like he’s triumphed over onion dislike.

The nemesis slide is set up. Max tests it out. It does look like fun. They set up the trampoline, which doesn’t look like as much fun. The vodka flows. Hannah thinks Lauren is improving, and she hopes it stays that way. The guests change into their beachwear and play. Malia and Wes take the trampoline out on the Jet ski.

Hannah tells Lauren that she’s sending her to the waterfalls with the guests. Lauren is excited, and says it’s just what she needed to hear. Wes and Hannah discuss the trip. Malia will be going too, and Hannah says they’ll be taking the same ferry as the guests. The slide is brought back up with much grunting and groaning.

Adam is having trouble with the whole no onion thing. In his interview, he says that the heart of Southern cooking (which I’m assuming was their preference) is peppers, garlic and onions. Since when? He thinks the food will taste like sh*t without the onions. I don’t even cook that much, and I know there are recipes with no onions. I’m starting to think this guy is more of a cook than a chef. If he can’t figure out an alternative recipe, he certainly isn’t very talented. I’m sort of not liking him all around at this point.

Max calls his girlfriend, and says he misses her all the time, which is very sweet. Adam gets dinner prepared. Another gorgeous table, this time done in purple and gold. One of the guests makes a toast to nipples, saying that without them, breasts would be pointless. Sigh. Ken isn’t thrilled with his dinner. Hannah apologizes, and tells him that she’ll talk to Adam. In her interview, she’s like, why? Adam says it’s the first plate that’s ever come back. Well, then maybe he should listen to the preferences. Hannah doesn’t know what his problem is. Omg, the new dish still has chives in it. Ken can’t believe it – neither can I – and Amber tells Hannah it’s the only thing he doesn’t like. Hannah asks Adam to make something without anything from the onion family in it. Adam claims that people with new money always try to hold it over your head, and just send food back because they can, which makes no sense whatsoever. Even if they’re a little sloppy drunk, these guests seem fairly easy-going, and Adam is making a huge mistake here. Hannah tells Adam not to take it out on her. She doesn’t know where the attitude is coming from, but he’d better drop it. Where’s Ben when you need him? If the tip is lacking, this will totally be Adam’s fault. This also reminds me of something that happened to my father when he was dating my mother. The first time he had dinner at my grandparents’, it was misunderstood that he didn’t like mushrooms, and they were in everything – for example, not just in the gravy for the mashed potatoes, but in the potatoes themselves. At least, I think it was a misunderstanding. Now I’m wondering.

Hannah takes the third plate out. Dessert is banana bread pudding which sounds unappetizing, but looks wonderful. Adam promises a better dinner service tomorrow.

It’s hot tub time! One of the guests cuts their foot and bleeds into the water. Blech. Lauren says they’re drinking champions, and Hannah is concerned that they’re going to run out of vodka already. They only brought twenty bottles. Bugs talks to Adam about Malia. One of the guests wanders around with no pants. And no underwear either. Just a bunch of pixilated squares.

It’s morning, and the guests start off with Bloody Marys. Lauren wishes Bugs could come on the waterfall trip; she doesn’t want the guests to be let down. The river is absolutely beautiful. The captain gives Wes instructions for docking. Wes gives the directions, and she tells him nicely done. Bugs tells Hannah that Lauren is stressing out, and suggests they send another stew with her. Hannah is miffed about Bugs telling her how to do her job, but tells Lauren that Bugs can go with her.

Hannah says it’s like a beach picnic on steroids. They have to make sure everything is packed, since it’s not like they can just jet back to the yacht. Hannah asks Wes how he’s doing with his love interest, but he has no clue what’s going on. Adam is concerned about the food being out for too long already. He thinks it’s unprofessional of Hannah to be running late. I’m stunned. She tells him that he’s welcome to take the initiative with the food; she can’t do everything. He suggests that Bugs should be the chief stew, and Hannah suggests they get a chef who can read preference sheets. Exactly.

Next time, Adam and Malia take selfies at the waterfalls, obstacle course day happens, Bobby asks Malia if she’s interested, and Adam serves onion soup to be funny. Hint: The guests don’t think it is.

Welcome Back, Spencer!


June 5, 2017 – A Niagara Falls Vacation, a Walk in the Park, Savannah Goes to Charlotte & Upcoming Shows


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

Anna tells Lulu that technically, Valentin has full custody of Charlotte, and has done nothing wrong. Dante comes home, and Lulu tells him about Valentin taking Charlotte.

Omg, Valentin has taken Charlotte to one of my favorite places in the world – Niagara Falls. He tells Charlotte they’re on vacation. She asks where Nina is.

Having coffee at Perks, and thinking about Valentin saying no matter what, he loves her.

Jason calls Elizabeth who fills him in on Jake. Carly walks in just as he’s leaving. He tells her that what happened started with Helena and ended at the Nurses Ball. Wasn’t she there? She tells him she knows why Morgan spiraled out of control. It was Ava; she sabotaged him.

Sonny tells Ava that she deserves what she’s getting. She asks him to kill her.

Lulu tells Dante that it’s all her fault. She went upstairs for a minute, and now she’ll probably never see her daughter again. She says Valentin is a master of vanishing in plain sight. Anna says he’s not going to make it easy. They don’t even know where to start looking.

Nina calls the hospital and asks about Valentin. She’s told that he checked out. I find this hard to believe, since they won’t give you any information about anyone these days.

Valentin tells Charlotte he’ll get situated, and she can pick out cool stuff to do. He has to meet a friend. He says Nina is a little angry with him. Charlotte asks if it’s because of Jake.

Laura stops by Elizabeth’s place to see how Jake is, but he’s sleeping. She tells Elizabeth how worried Charlotte was, but she and Emma woke up in good spirits, and Jake will get over it too. She shows Laura the shipping label from the magic kit. She thought it was odd how obsessed Jake was with it, but she was glad he was interested in something. She asks if she’s a bad mom.

Carly explains to Jason how Morgan’s pills were switched. He asks why Ava did it, and Carly says she thought he was bad for Kiki and wanted him committed. He asks where she is, and Carly tells him about how she and Sonny confronted Ava at the warehouse, and Ava started the fire. She says they got out, but she was trapped. He asks if it was anything they did, and Carly says they’ve been cleared of any wrongdoing. He tells her to steer clear of Ava, but Carly says Sonny wants her dead, and she’s not stopping him this time.

Ava tells Sonny to do what he came to do. He says he should have done it a long time ago. He talks about wanting payback after Connie’s murder, but he let her live because she was pregnant. He doesn’t regret Avery, but regrets every breath Ava has taken since. She could have ended up killing Carly like she did their son. Ava asks him to put her out of her misery. That was probably the wrong thing to say. Now he’ll never do it.

Sonny says no. He says the fire did a number on her, like it did on Morgan. He talks about the weeks before Morgan’s death, and how his mind was on fire, and he didn’t understand why he was spiraling. He suggests that he switch her morphine to sugar water. He says he has plenty of time, and she’ll be trapped in agony. Death is too merciful.

Nathan meets Nina at Perks. She tells him Valentin checked himself out of the hospital, and she can’t get ahold of him. Popping in out of nowhere, Anna says he’s a fugitive, and Nina has to help them find him.

Charlotte tells Valentin that when she brings him up, Lulu changes the subject. He says it’s a misunderstanding, like when you play telephone, and it’s better that they go away for a while. Charlotte says she never said good-by, and it’s rude. He tells her they can send Lulu a postcard. She goes off with the tourist maps, and Valentin calls someone. He needs to meet them right now.

Dante tells Lulu that they’ll find Valentin, and to let them do their job. She says she shouldn’t have told him, and never thought he’d run, but Dante says he had to have known. Dante tells her that Charlotte would have become a ward of the state, and Lulu says she can’t even blame Valentin, she’d do the same thing in his position. She says that she needs to be searching, but Dante says there’s a reason families aren’t involved in searches, and they have to do it by the book. He suggests Charlotte might call her, and Lulu says she knows how to find her.

Nurse Deanna asks Griff to do an assessment of Ava. Ava asks if Sonny is just going to watch her suffer, and he says it’s his pleasure. She’ll wish every day that he’d ended things. If there’s a minute she isn’t suffering, he’ll kill her. Griff walks in and asks what’s going on.

Carly tells Jason that Morgan is dead, Ava is alive, where the justice? Jason says she’s not going to honor her son this way, and she says easy for him to say. His children are alive.

Laura makes coffee. Elizabeth says Jake is still asleep. Laura tells her she’s not a bad mother. She had no way of knowing that Spencer didn’t send the package, and she would have had to be a psychic to know what was in the box. Elizabeth says she felt powerless, but Laura says that she wasn’t. Anna told her about how she talked Jake down. She says there’s something that goes deeper to the core of his soul than Helena’s programming – Elizabeth’s love for him; that’s what saved him. She brought her son back from the brink of disaster, and saved a lot of other people.

Lulu says Charlotte has a cellphone that can only call Valentin, but can receive calls. She finds a Post-It with the number, and calls it.

In Niagara Falls, Charlotte’s phone rings, and she answers it. Charlotte tells Lulu that she sounds scared. Lulu says she is; when she came back downstairs, Charlotte was gone. Charlotte asks if she was mad, but Lulu says just concerned. She asks where Valentin is, and Charlotte tells her that papa is in the other room. Lulu says she can pick her up, but Charlotte says they’re finally going on a trip that she wanted to go on. Lulu asks where she is. Valentin takes the phone and asks who Charlotte is talking to.

Nina tells Anna it’s not her problem they set her up. She says she just found out Valentin isn’t in the hospital. Anna asks if she wants Charlotte to be a fugitive for the rest of her life. She says Valentin isn’t thinking clearly. Nina says she doesn’t know where Charlotte is. Anna asks if she’d tell if she did.

Valentin takes the phone. Lulu asks where they are. He tells her that calling is a violation of their agreement. She says when Anna finds them, it won’t be good for Charlotte. Valentin says if she wants what’s best for Charlotte, not to contact them again, and hangs up. It wasn’t enough time for Dante to trace the call.

Elizabeth wonders how Helena had the Chimera, and Laura brings her up to speed. Elizabeth asks if there’s anyone’s life Valentin hasn’t turned upside down. Laura tells her that even so, Valentin wouldn’t turn over the Chimera, and got shot saving Nina’s life. He’s alive and wounded, but expected to survive. Elizabeth says it sounds heroic, but Laura says it doesn’t redeem him in her eyes. She can’t dismiss him as being an unfeeling monster anymore though. He raised her granddaughter and Charlotte loves him. She doesn’t know how Lulu is going to reconcile this. Elizabeth says she loved Nicholas and hated his dad, but Laura says by the time Nicholas came back, Stavros was gone. Elizabeth says that people who you believed are past redemption can find the strength to do better. Laura says Valentin is facing criminal charges, and will be sent to prison. It won’t erase the problems, but it should make them simpler, and they could all use a little bit of simple.

Sonny says he didn’t know Griff was the attending physician. Griff says it’s on the chart that Sonny isn’t supposed to be holding. He tells Sonny that he should have him arrested. Sonny says he was just checking on Ava’s condition, like Griff is stupid. He tells Griff about how Ava’s machinations killed Morgan. Griff says it’s a matter for the police. Sonny says he hopes that Ava lives a long life, and leaves. Dammit, Griff! I wish he would call the police. It’s annoying to me that Sonny and Carly have both done horrible things, yet act all sanctimonious when the shoe is on the other foot. And okay, I didn’t really like Morgan all that much and miss him not at all.

Carly apologizes to Jason. She never wants to make light of what happened with Jake. He says he’s there for her. There’s a knock at the door. It’s too-creepy-for-my-taste-right-now Sonny. Jason says he’s sorry. Sonny says there’s no way he could have known. Carly says Sonny put all the pieces together. He says he thought if he got answers, they could get closure and peace, but he’s not feeling the peace. He tells Carly he went to the hospital, but thinks the best punishment is for Ava to live.

Griff tells Ava they don’t think there’s any permanent nerve damage, which is good news. She says not good news to her. She can’t live like this. He says she’ll be assessed for skin grafts, but it will be a while before they can start. He talks about the complications. Ava says there’s no hope.

Charlotte asks if she did something wrong. Valentin says it’s his fault. She asks if they can see some sights, and he says they’re going to see her nana too. There’s a knock at the door, and he asks her to go in the bedroom while he discusses boring stuff with his friend. When Charlotte is gone, the friend gives him two passports.

Nina asks Anna if Valentin deserves to be arrested. She goes over what Alex did, and says it wasn’t Valentin’s idea; he did it to help her. He went on the run with a life-threatening condition; the scoliosis would have killed him. She says he had no choice and didn’t know what he was doing, being so young. He didn’t do any of it, and saved the day. Nathan says it’s not that simple, but Nina says what if it is? Valentin changed his life. She asks if he believes people can change, then asks Anna if she doesn’t think people deserve a second chance.

Lulu calls Anna, telling her about the phone call, and says all she and Dante know is that Charlotte is taking a trip she wanted to go on. Anna says thanks, and she’s working on it. Anna tells Nathan and Nina what happened, and asks Nina if she knows where they might be. Nathan says she really needs to tell them if she knows anything. Don’t do it, Nina.

Elizabeth straightens up. She looks at the shipping label again.

Carly asks how it’s punishment for Ava to move on with her life. Sonny says she’ll be in recovery a long time, and if she does recover, she’ll be tried. Carly asks when he started trusting the legal system. She says that there are ways it wouldn’t be traced back to them, but Sonny says that Ava will suffer for life. Carly says that at least she has a life, unlike their son, and walks out

Griff tells Ava that he didn’t say there was no hope. In medical school, they’re trained to speak clinically, but he can speak with her as a priest. In difficult times, he’s found his faith to be a comfort. He says it might be breaking regulations, but he can pray with her. She thanks him. He takes her hand and prays the Hail Mary. She prays with him.

Laura asks Lulu why there are squad cars outside. Lulu tells her that Valentin went on the run, and took Charlotte. They hug. Dante promises they’ll find her.

Anna asks Nina where Valentin might take Charlotte. Nina says maybe Bulgaria. Nathan thinks there must be somewhere closer to home. Anna insists she has to tells them, and Nina is like, are you kidding? Nathan says life on the road is no life for Charlotte or Valentin. Anna says the WSB will never stop looking, and it won’t be old friends who find them. Nina balks at Anna being an old friend, but Nathan asks what if he gets shot, and says that they should take him peacefully while they have the chance. Nina says Niagara Falls is where Valentin would have taken Charlotte for a vacation. Dammit!

Valentin says that once they cross border, they’re disappearing.

Tomorrow, Jason and Sonny talk, Lucas is alive (I sometimes wonder, when he disappears for so long) and talking to Julian, Anna thinks she knows where Valentin is, and Valentin needs a car now.

Southern Charm

A petting zoo with kittens and bunnies is set up for Saint’s birthday party. I guess it’s better than the kids poking at llamas and donkeys. Thomas says the days are long, but the years are short. Everyone is getting ready, but Landon cancels. Elizabeth is riding with Kathryn. Kathryn tells us it’s a huge deal for her. She’s in a completely different place, and she’s anxious to show that.

On the way there, Cameran and Patricia talk about the party. Patricia thinks it must be embarrassing to come as a guest to your own son’s party, and they bemoan that there probably won’t be booze.

Kathryn arrives. Kelsie is drinking sweet tea, which is just what children need to consume – caffeine and lots of sugar. Kathryn thanks Thomas for his letter, and he apologizes for his penmanship. I’d be impressed that penmanship was involved at all. He watches as Kathryn holds Saint. She compliments him on the party. Some little kids arrive, and JD (bleh) calls it a perfect family gathering.

Thomas tells JD (bleh) that it’s a baby step with Kathryn. Patricia immediately wants to know where the pseudo petting zoo is. If she can’t have liquor, she can at least pet a kitten. Chelsea shows up with Austen, and the cheese Shep arrives alone. Kathryn waves to Jennifer, but keeps walking. In her interview, Jennifer says you would think she’d want to see the baby. She says she knows all she needs to know. Whatever that means.

Chelsea asks Kathryn if she’s done her headshots yet, but she’s still waiting on that. In her interview, Patricia says she has no intention of having a conversation with Kathryn, since she’s not a hurricane or tornado tracker. The cake comes out, and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Saint gets a little cake of his own. Because he needs more sugar than everyone else. In her interview, Kathryn says if things could be this way forever, she’d be happy. No, you’d still have to deal with Thomas.

Kathryn gives Thomas a picture of Saint from when he was just born. In his interview, Thomas feels sad that the kids can’t have both parents all the time. The Great Philosopher JD (bleh) says that kids do better with both parents. Thomas and Kathryn take a family photo.

Landon meets Jennifer at a restaurant, bearing a baby gift. A pillow with Ascher’s name on it, which I assume is more for Jennifer, since baby’s aren’t supposed to have pillows now. Sitting out on the deck, they order champagne and fancy food. Landon asks about the party. Jennifer says there were no altercations, and in her interview, Landon says two-hours of good behavior doesn’t impress her. She tells Jennifer about going to dinner with Thomas. She says just as she was telling Thomas that she didn’t want a relationship, a drunk stranger said they were soulmates. They actually keep leaving out the drunk part. This woman was practically falling out of her chair, and I wondered if Bravo paid her to say that. Landon is concerned that people will say she’s only after Thomas’s money. In her interview, Jennifer thinks there would be an explosion if Kathryn found out they were dating. She tells Landon that she thinks Thomas has done an about-face. He isn’t perfect, but neither are they. Landon thinks she might have a point. Jennifer says it’s cliché, but you only have regrets about what you don’t do. Landon says it’s the best advice she’s heard. Apparently, she’s not on the internet.

Thomas visits Patricia. She talks about taking seven years of French and only being able to order clothes and food. I took two years, and can only tell you how to pack a suitcase and curse you out. She asks about the birthday party, and Thomas says he thinks Saint was oblivious. Of course he was – he’s a one-year-old. She says he and Kathryn seemed amicable, and asks if he’s over Kathryn. He says no way they’re getting back together. She asks if he’s met anyone, and he tells her about his date with Landon, and how she’s giving him mixed messages. Patricia says there’s something to be said for friendship first, and you can’t find lasting romance at the bar. She tells him that when men really knew how to court women, they called on them, took them places, gave them flowers, and it built into a relationship. She suggests he and Landon go for a walk. She tells Thomas that if he doesn’t take chances in life, he’ll never get anywhere. He says faint heart never won fair lady, quoting Gilbert and Sullivan, who were probably quoting someone else.

Cameran, who’s wearing an awesome black crocheted top with bell sleeves, goes to see her therapist, Myra. She tells her about the psychic proclaiming that she’ll have three children. Myra tells her to reflect on it. Cameran wonders what if she’s putting off her greatest purpose, and thinks she’s too self-involved, which is gross to her. In her interview, she says there has to be more. She talks about her husband wanting children, and how it breaks her heart because he’d be the best dad. She thinks she’s robbing a child of the opportunity of having him as a father. Myra says she knows her answer, and it will be okay. Cameran whines that she’s going to get fat.

Chelsea and Austen go crabbing. He says when he caught crabs before, he went to a doctor to clear it up. BA-DUM-CHH! In his interview, Austen says he’s not the type to jump into a relationship, but when he meets someone he likes, he’s into it. He keeps calling the beginnings of a relationship “puppy love,” and it’s incredibly annoying, since that’s not what the term means. Chelsea says they’re going to crab the way the “Indians” did, and puts some sticks in the ground. I guess she didn’t get the memo about it being Native American now. Frankly, I’m not a stickler for labels, since they change monthly, but that’s one I appreciate, since it makes sense to differentiate our own indigenous people from those of Indian descent. Austen doesn’t think he’s Mr. Relationship, but his parents are like partners in crime, and that’s what he’s looking for. Crabbing doesn’t work out so well, and Chelsea says they’ll be stopping at Chick-Fil-A on the way home.

Landon’s business partner, Anna, calls her. Thomas puts on eye cream. Landon tells Anna they have to figure out the name situation, and lists some names that even I know they can’t use. Thomas arrives in a suit, bearing a rose like he’s a Bachelor contestant. He says he was in the neighborhood. Ugh. I hate that. An ex-boyfriend once called me saying that, and I asked why he was in my neighborhood. Landon tells Thomas that for the future, orchids are her favorite. She ends the call with Anna, and Thomas asks her to go for a walk. As they leave, Landon says that her house is for sale, and she’s just renting. Because he’s clueless, Thomas tells her to just buy it, but she doesn’t have a million dollars.

They sit on a bench by the lake. Landon has brought Charlotte, and says it’s nice to have Thomas along, since she usually does the walk alone. He tells her to just call him, since he doesn’t live far. Well, she got what she wanted – someone to walk the dog with. She says she couldn’t believe the (drunk) woman at dinner. He asks if it rang true to her, and she says she’s happy when she’s with him. He suggests they take a chance. She wonders what they do from here, and he says get some wine.

On their way to a drive through with Gizmo, Craig tells Naomie that he has a surprise for her. She tells him that she’s a worrier, and he says it’s a slippery slope to paranoia. In his interview, he says he’s working on a better relationship. They talk about Shep, and Naomie says he’s a kind person, but not to Craig. She wonders if Shep is jealous of Austen, but Craig thinks he’s just unhappy. In his interview, Craig says Shep can’t stand seeing other people happy, and covers it up. Craig pulls up to a house. Cameran is there, and they’re doing a final walk-through.

Naomie approves of the neighborhood. Good. I was so worried. Naomie says she wasn’t sure Craig was actually going to do it. She thinks the house is bigger on the inside than it looks from the outside, and I know exactly what she means. It’s so weird when a house is like that. She tells Craig that she’s excited for him. Cameran says he’ll have the keys in ten days. In his interview, Craig thinks that he’s adulting well. They talk about Saint’s party. Cameran says she’s planning something for her own birthday, and is thinking of inviting the whole circus. Naomie thinks the sh*t is going to hit the fan, because Thomas showed up at Landon’s proclaiming his love. Not quite, but okay. Cameran wonders why Landon out of everyone in the world, and if they really did get together before.

Commercial break with important information. The Real Housewives of the OC starts a new season on Monday July 10th at 9 pm.

Shep goes to Chelsea’s house. Another one who was “in the neighborhood.” He asks for a beer, saying he’s in a major shift with his lifestyle. He thinks he wants to move, and Cameran is showing him a house tomorrow. Chelsea says it will just be another frat house, but he says it’s a recalibration, and he might even become a one-woman guy. He asks if she and Austen are happy. She says they’re just hanging out, no pressure, and Shep thinks that’s very adult. He asks if they see other people. Chelsea says she’s not out with anyone else, but doesn’t like checking in. Shep says he’s an idiot for not cultivating their relationship because she’s like a unicorn. He says they smooched, and then he took off. She says she felt like just another late-night rendezvous. She doesn’t want to feel like “that girl.” Shep wonders what he was thinking.

Cameron checks out the house she’s supposed to show Shep, and says there’s potential. There are also two big dogs on the enclosed back porch. She calls Shep, and gets voicemail. She leaves a message saying that she’s waiting for him. A half-hour later, she calls again, and gets voicemail again. She’s not happy. We see a snail. She thinks Shep must be in jail or still in bed. She calls Chelsea from the car, telling her that she can’t find him, and she’s pissed, but also worried. She’s headed to his house. Chelsea tells Cameran they were hanging out for a while, but he left to meet his cousins. Cameran says his whole idea of getting the house was to get a new lifestyle, and he can’t even show up.

Cameran drives to Shep’s place. She knocks. No answer. She opens the door. Again, who does that??? She looks around. No Shep, just a messy table with empties. She goes upstairs. What if he was with someone? Geez. He’s still in bed, alone, and she tells him it’s one in the afternoon and his door was unlocked. She waited at the house for an hour. He says he feels bad about that, and she says that he should. Definitely agreed. She thinks it’s one of the lowest points she’s seen him. She asks what happened, and he says what happened is why he wants to leave. There’s a frat party every night. She tells him that he needs self-control. He says he’s usually punctual, and she says she knows that, so she was making sure he wasn’t robbed or dead.

Next time, Kelsie has a photo shoot, Cameran talks to an unhappy Shep, Chelsea tells Austen that Shep tried to kiss her, and Austen confronts Shep. Lotsa Shep.

🌟 More good news! The Shahs of Sunset (one of my favorites!) begins again on Sunday, July 16th at 8 pm. Thank you, Bravo, for that time slot. For once, it won’t interfere with something else.

🍸 I still can’t decide if I like Southern Charm Savannah or not. I don’t think I like the cast members as much as the original show. Other people might be feeling the same way, since there was a crossover this week with both Shep and Thomas making appearances (with some Austen on the side) when the cast evacuated to Charlotte because of Hurricane Matthew. Not to downplay anyone’s angst, but it must be nice to get mani/pedis while worrying about your home being okay. I slept upstairs during Hurricane Sandy and hoped I woke up. I had to laugh when one of them suggested it would take a month for the town to get back to normal. It took at least three years here, and some places still aren’t back to normal. Shep, whose brother and sister live in Charlotte, partied hardy and Thomas gave life advice to Catherine. It was odd to see them out of context. The best quote of the night was Shep saying that “Bad decisions are on the horizon.” I have no doubt.

👸 Yet something else to look forward to – Odd Mom Out premieres on Wednesday, July 12th at 10 pm. My head might explode with all this joy!

🌱 Another nugget of wisdom…

Eat, drink and remarry.Patricia Altchul, Southern Charm

May 30, 2017 – The End of Jake’s Magic Act, a One-Day Charter & Eddie is Surrounded


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

Jason tells Jake it’s late and they need to go home. Anna tells him to stop. Jake sees Helena. He holds the Chimera up, and Helena tells him, bravo. He flips it on. Valentin says it’s unlocked, and they have to get out of there, but Jake says they have to stay. It would be really funny if the whole thing was a sham and the Chimera was a dud.

Dante calls Sonny. He leaves a message telling him not to do anything stupid. Scotty told him that Sonny had been trying to shake him down, and he figures it’s about Morgan’s pills.

Carly gets in Ava’s face, and says come and get her. Ava says no more, and throws the lantern to the ground, starting a fire. Ava says they’re not going anywhere, and draws her gun. She says fair is fair, and now it’s Sonny’s turn.

Nathan tells Amy she stole his photo. She prefers the word “borrowed,” and says he should be thanking her for making him famous.

Valentin tells Jake not to open it. Jason says it looks heavy; maybe he should put it down. Helena tells him not to listen, and just look at her. Jason asks what he’s looking at. Helena calls Jake her clever, darling boy, and says he knows what to do.

Valentin asks Emma and Charlotte to come. He tells Lulu, Laura, and Nina to get them somewhere safe. Out in the hallway, Nina asks what just happened.

Jason says he knows Jake is scared, but it will be okay, just hand him the martini shaker canister. He says she doesn’t want him too. Jason asks who, and he says Helena. Elizabeth asks if she’s there and telling him to open it. He nods. Helena tells him not to weaken. Elizabeth tells him to keep looking at her. Helena doesn’t have the power; he does. Jason says he’s the one in control. Elizabeth tells him to give Jason the container. Helena tells him not to listen, and to open the Chimera and do what he was born to do.

Nathan tells Amy that it’s the epitome of false advertising. Details, details, she says. He tells her that he doesn’t want to be a part of it, but she says he hasn’t even read it. She tells him about the advice that he gives. He asks if this is the other job she talked about. She says she doesn’t get paid right now, but eventually, the money will roll in. She asks if they’re good, and he tells her they will be as soon as she takes it down.

Ava admits to replacing Morgan’s lithium with a placebo. She didn’t want it to get that far, but instead of seeing if there was a problem, they indulged him. Didn’t it occur to them that something was wrong, and he belonged in an institution? Sonny calls her a psychotic bitch, and says she led Morgan down the wrong path. Sonny says he’s not standing there. They’re leaving, and she can shoot him in the back. Carly tells her to burn in hell, and they leave.

Ava tries to get out another door, but the exit is blocked. I think she could probably squeeze through the opening if she tried though.

Helena urges Jake to give them a show. Elizabeth asks if he’s seeing the witch, and if she’s telling him to do things he doesn’t want to do. She tells him that the witch isn’t real; she’s a bad dream. Helena laughs and says it isn’t true. Elizabeth tells Jake that Helena thinks she’s won, and Helena says she knows she has. Elizabeth says she thinks the hate she has for everyone is stronger than the love Elizabeth has for him. But she couldn’t be more wrong. Jake fingers the container opening.

Amy tells Nathan that she has advertisers lined up, and they’re the next big thing. Nathan is like, there’s no “we.” He asks why doesn’t she just put her own picture on the column? She says smart blondes are a dime a dozen. He tells her either take down his image or the blog. She asks if he couldn’t learn something from her advice, and what if she could help him save his marriage?

Dante gets a call about the fire. He asks who owns the warehouse. When he finds out that it’s Ava, and he says he’ll be right there.

Ava can’t get out. Something falls, and she can’t get through the other door either. Carly and Sonny wander around in the smoke. Carly says they made a wrong turn, and Sonny tells her that they have to go back. They hear Ava calling for help.

Charlotte asks if her papa is in trouble, but Nina says he’s just trying to help. Emma wonders why Jake seems afraid, but still wants to open the container. Laura and Lulu get the girls out. Nina decides to stay.

Elizabeth says she knows that Jake can do it. Helena says that she hasn’t scratched the surface of what he can do. Elizabeth calls him strong, but Helena says she’s the one who prepared him to face his destiny. She tells him to release the Kraken Chimera. Elizabeth asks Jake if he can tell how much she loves him; how much they all do. Helena says enough drivel; end it now. Ha-ha! I love Helena. Elizabeth says they know that Jake loves them too, and that’s why Helena can’t win; love is always stronger than hate. Jason says they can handle anything as long as they have each other. Jake turns off the Chimera, and Helena disappears. Anna takes the box and puts it on the floor. Elizabeth hugs Jake.

Lulu tells Charlotte that her dad will get her asap. Emma wants to know why Jake was acting weird, and Charlotte asks why everyone seemed scared. Laura tries to finagle it into magic show suspense. The girls go to the kitchen for cookies. Lulu wonders what was in the canister, and if she should call Dante. Laura tells her to wait. Lulu asks if Laura thinks Helena had something to do with it. Laura says yes, but they have the upper hand this time. They’re not on the island, but among family and friends in Port Charles.

Elizabeth tells Jake how strong he is. He tells them he’s sorry. Jason says it wasn’t his fault, and he has nothing to be sorry about. They hug. Franco approaches Elizabeth, and Nina comes back in. Valentin says he wanted her to leave the building, but the threat has been neutralized for now. He explains what happened, and says it’s why Alex was chasing him, pretending to be Anna. Nina asks if it’s over, and he says not until the canister is destroyed. Anna tells Jake how brave he is, and Jason says they’re proud of him. Elizabeth tells Franco she was scared, and they hug. Jason thanks her. She thinks Jake should be checked out at the hospital. Jason asks Elizabeth and Franco to take him. He wants to make sure Helena has no more surprises. Elizabeth tells him to be careful, and gathers up Jake.

Anna says the area has to be cleared. Nina offers to call security and the police. Anna tells Valentin she’ll call the WSB, and have it destroyed.

While Nina is in the hallway making the call, a man holds a gun to her head and says her call just dropped

Amy says that Maxie and Nathan are at opposite ends of the country, and Nathan says that Maxie has a job in Portland. Amy tells him that there are jobs everywhere. Nathan says they’ll figure it out, and she says, if he says so, but she has to get to work.

The fire starts to spread, more slowly than any fire in history. Ava screams for help. Carly asks Sonny what should they do? He says they can’t help her; they’ll all die. He tells Carly that they can call 911 when they get out. Ava is now lying on the floor, unconscious.

Sonny and Carly get outside. Carly calls 911, and tells them what’s going on, adding that they should hurry. She tells Sonny that the fire was already reported. Smoke is coming out from under the door.

Elizabeth and Franco wait at the hospital. Franco says Jake will be fine. Elizabeth says she can’t stop thinking about what a close call it was. Franco applauds her mom awesomeness, and they kiss.

Coming out of the hospital elevator, Amy asks Nathan to stop arguing. He says not until she takes the picture down. They see Franco and Elizabeth. Amy asks if something happened at the Nurses Ball, and Franco says they’re not going to believe it.

Two guys go into the ballroom, one of them still holding a gun on Nina. They want the box, but Jason says he doesn’t have it.

That’s because Valentin has it. Anna asks him what he’s doing. He says he was short-sighted, but it was years ago. He tells her that selling the device to Helena was a bad mistake in anyone’s book, but not to act like she doesn’t have regrets. He didn’t sell himself to the DVX. She was a double-agent, but didn’t have price tag on her head or need surgeries. She says that she was young and full of herself, and did it for money. He tells her that she doesn’t get to judge. She says he’s in possession of classified weapon, and it has to be destroyed. Valentin says that’s what he’s going to do.

Anna says she spoke to Robert, and the WSB is going to handle it. Valentin says, great; they handled the Alex situation really well. He says mistakes were made, and Charlotte almost died. She says they all almost died, including Emma. He thinks the WSB will just put it in a vault somewhere, but Anna says it was a mistake made by cold war hysteria, and they want it gone. She asks him to give it to her and be done with it. He says the past is coming back to bite him, and what if it was her past? Would she trust it to an organization that’s failed her over and over? She says fine, don’t trust them, but trust her. His phone rings. It’s Nina. She says she’s in the ballroom, and there’s a guy holding gun who wants the Chimera, and the phone disconnects. Valentin tells Anna that Nina is being held hostage by someone who wants the Chimera. She says he knows what to do.

Laura plays charades with the girls. She asks if Charlotte wants to try, but she’s too worried. Lulu says maybe they’re having fun and lost track of time. Emma says they’re doing that thing grownups do – not telling the truth. Lulu says they can be sure that everyone wants to help Jake. She says Anna, Jason and Valentin are smart and brave, and can handle it. Emma says, copy that.

Dante asks if Sonny and Carly are okay. Carly tells him that Ava is still inside. He’s like, you left her in there??? Sonny says she started fire, and tells him what happened. Carly says they thought she took a different exit. Sonny says by the time they realized, they couldn’t go back and help or they’d all die. The firemen go inside. Sonny tells Dante their hands are clean. Dante hopes so, and says if something happens to Ava, they’ll have to answer for it.

Valentin enters the ballroom with the box. He tells them to take it and get out. Jason asks if he’s crazy, and Valentin tells him to stay out of it. They take the box, and let Nina go. They open box, and one of them asks what Valentin is trying to pull. Valentin tells Nina to run. He and Jason fight the bad guys.

Nathan arrives, and asks Nina what’s going on.

The firemen bring Ava out. She’s alive, but not looking good. A fireman says that she’s barely hanging on, and they have to get to the hospital asap. Carly says at least she got out. Sonny tells Carly that he’ll give her a ride home. Dante says they have to come to the station for a statement.

Franco and Elizabeth go into Jake’s hospital room. Amy tells them he’s doing great. So great, they want to keep him overnight, so he can show the other kids how it’s done. Franco tells Jake that he’s brave; it takes a lot of courage to face the demons in your head. Jake asks if Helena is gone and not coming back. Elizabeth tells him that the nightmares are over, and only sweet dreams from now on.

Anna hears someone, and says close enough. She sees a man, and asks if Scorpio sent him. He says yes, showing ID, and that he has to take the Chimera to WSB headquarters. Anna says she’s coming along. She has to see for herself that it’s neutralized.

Nathan calls for a squad. He wants Nina to leave, but she won’t. He goes into the ballroom and we hear a gunshot. Nina runs in, and Valentin lies on the floor, bleeding. NOOOOO! Nina runs to him.

Tomorrow, Nathan wants to talk to Nina about Valentin, Epiphany has bad news, and Dante wants to know why Sonny and Carly were at the warehouse.

Below Deck Mediterranean

After nine hours total, the anchor is finally untangled and in. Captain Sandy has a new appreciation for Wes. Malia tells us she’s attracted to both Wes and Chef Adam. Chef Adam is feeling receptive to that.

Finally, tip time. The captain tells the crew about being considerate of others. Mostly because Bobby is a child. The tip from the Mr. Skin charter is $17,000, $1,500 each. The crew goes ashore for drinking time. Wes demonstrates making sounds by squishing his palms together. In her interview, Hannah says only Max isn’t interested in Malia. What’s up with Max? The crew goes back to the boat, and Adam breaks out some ribs. Adam’s ribs. Lauren is feeling sad and left out, and asks Bobby if he can forgive her. In his interview, he says that he’ll forgive, but not forget. Very original.

This time it’s a one-day charter that the primary guest, Eden, has set up for his girlfriend to celebrate some milestones in their lives. They want a Croatian dinner, but have no weird food requests, which makes Adam very happy. Especially after the last group, several of whom could only eat lettuce leaves harvested from the moon.

Bugs is trying to come to terms about not attending her grandmother’s funeral. The crew gets into their whites to great the guests. Champagne is handed out, and Hannah gives the tour. The agenda is a cheese plate, water toys, and lunch on shore. Wow. They have a lot of bags for just one day. Adam is impressed with how Bugs is always a step ahead.

Ohh, Max has a girlfriend. That explains why he’s not after Malia. He talks about his lady having a dancing contract in Dubai, and how it’s difficult to get out of the country. Malia learns more about dropping anchor. Wes wants to prove to the captain that he can handle his crew by himself.

Cheese plate, done. Water toys, happening. Weather, not so great. Captain Sandy says they have to drop anchor asap. Suddenly, a guest gets hurt falling off the banana. She’s hit her head, and Bobby asks questions like what year is it? In his interview, he says he went into firefighter mode, and wants to impress the captain, Wes, and Malia. Captain Sandy says they’re dragging anchor, and tells the crew to get the toys out of the water now.

Hannah decides to send Bugs with Adam on his shore shopping trip, since she could use a break. The yacht docks, and the captain checks on the guest who was hurt. She says she just got the wind knocked out of her, but I’ll bet she has a helluva headache too. Bugs asks Hannah if it’s okay if she gives Lauren guidance, and Hannah is all for that.

The guests go for lunch, and Adam and Bugs go to the market. Adam says he likes to follow the culture as a chef. As always, everything looks amazing – both the restaurant and the market food. Bobby thinks Hannah wants nothing to do with him now, and feels completely alone. Malia flirts with Wes.

Adam and Bugs stop for a drink, and Adam tells her that she’s strong and professional. He thinks they’ll work well together. The guests decide to bring the party on board, adding a few “friends.” Ten of them. Did they pick these people up at the restaurant?

Commercial break. Please. It’s for Trojan, and this girl is strolling along with the box peeking out of her bag. On purpose. Who does that? A hooker?

Lauren feels overwhelmed by the amount of people, but says it’s her time to shine. Adam wakes Hannah up to help when one of the guests comes to him looking for beer. Lauren is annoyed. Some extremely cool sorbet snacks are set out, and I covet the weirdly shaped dishes they’re being served in. The new friends leave before dinner, which I’m sure is a relief to the crew.

A Grecian flavor has been decided on for the Croatian dinner. Hannah asks Bobby if he’s good at this toga business. Malia thinks Adam is intriguing, but she once dated her captain, and says you know shipboard romance isn’t going to last. The table is decorated with gold, bunches of grapes, and palm fronds. One of the guests acts like an idiot, because Hannah asked him to leave the dining area while they were setting the table, and he didn’t want to wear an “f-ing toga,” when she asked him if he was into it. No more for him. A few of the guests and the crew sport togas.

Lauren feels like everyone thinks she’s incompetent. Adam says Bugs looks pretty fast next to Hannah, not that he’s calling Hannah lazy. Hannah brings out the deckhands in togas, and Adam follows with a four-layer cake to represent the primary guests’ four celebrations. The dudes discuss the tip, and crabby drunk guy acts all stingy. Hannah thinks if you have to argue about the tip, you’re a cheap ass.

One of the guests tells Hannah that she “feels energy,” because she’s sensitive to it, and thinks something is weird. Hannah tells her they’re just trying to clean up. Bugs says she feels weird energy when she’s wasted too. Lauren is looking for bottled water, and gives everyone attitude. Hannah talks to Adam about Wes, and thinks Malia should get with him. Adam isn’t thrilled with that idea.

Croatia is my new dream destination. It’s absolutely beautiful. Adam makes a fabulous breakfast to go with the scenery. Crabby-ass sips coffee. Hannah and Bugs discuss charging the radios. Hannah thinks Bugs and Adam are getting along well. Wes says some things about shoving off that I don’t understand because he talks in Swedish or something. The captain is pissed because there’s a stern line in the water. Bobby cops to it being his fault, surprising me. The captain wants Wes to handle the lines like he knows what he’s doing. Maybe he does, but they can’t understand him.

It’s time to say good-by to the guests. The girlfriend says the trip was spectacular. Let’s see if the tip is. Captain Sandy thanks the crew. The tip is $12, 000, $1,100 each. Hannah says not bad for a one-day charter. Agreed. Bugs tells Lauren the more overwhelmed she gets, the more it will eat her up. She says if Lauren needs help, to just ask her. In her interview, Lauren talks about being a people pleaser. Lauren tells Hannah she doesn’t think other crew members are respecting her position. She talks about the deckhands sitting around, and Hannah tells her to be assertive and ask. Hannah says that sitting around crying affects everyone, and to just stop. Bugs is annoyed that Hannah told her to deal with Lauren, and is now inserting herself. It’s all hugged out by the end of the conversation.

Everyone gets ready for down time on shore. Adam feels like Wes has had too much time with Malia, and wants to stake his claim. The crew goes to dinner. Everyone talks about their sex lives, and Bugs says she and Wes are waiting for marriage. In her interview, she says that she and her boyfriend aren’t clingy. Adam tells everyone that living in a van isn’t exactly a chick magnet. We see pictures though, and it’s not like a van down by the river; it looks like a small, but charming home. They move on to the club.

Malia tells Bugs she doesn’t want to hang out with Adam and ruin things with Wes. Everyone drinks more and dances. Bobby gets roses for the ladies. Lauren has felt like a weak link and is glad for the approval she’s feeling from Hannah. That’s just sad. Malia plucks her rose, doing loves me, loves me not. Bobby vogues. Adam tells Bugs what a great stew she is. She’s feeling uncomfortable because Hannah is within earshot. He asks if she thinks he has a chance with Malia. She thinks he should be worried about Wes. In his interview, he says Wes is Malia’s boss and it’s a no-no. Um, she already slept with her previous captain.

Wes says Malia is a hard decision to make, but good things are spontaneous. They flirt. They kiss. They kiss some more. He says this goes against everything. They return to the table separately. Malia tells Adam, who says that he’s not letting Wes take her, whatever that means. Wes tells Bugs that he’s conflicted. Back on the boat, Adam tells Malia to forget about the kiss. She says no. Bugs encourages Wes. Adam lays a kiss on Malia.

Next time, the guests consume six and a half bottles of vodka in less than six hours (a record!), Hannah and Adam clash, and Lauren tells Malia that romance with two crew members is not a good look. I agree. I’m disappointed in her.

If Loving You is Wrong

Travis asks Kelly if she missed him. She asks why he’s doing this. She asks what she can do to make him stop. He says make love to him – like she did the last time. She says okay. He tells her that if she tries anything, he’ll kill her, and Justice will find her dead, bloody corpse. That’s a little redundant, since all corpses are dead. She agrees. He wants to take a shower first because, who knows? He grabs a knife as they walk past the kitchen.

He asks Kelly why she’s scared. Then he shows her the knife. He asks if she wants him to put it down, and she says please do. He does, and says she still looks scared. She says it’s because of what he did. He’s all smiley and weird, and says she learns quick. He tells her to get on her knees. She begs him no.

Um… I think she bit him. He’s like ow! and she runs. She doesn’t get far. Travis knocks her down by the bathroom door. He hears Justice saying that he’s calling the police, and runs. Kelly locks herself in the bedroom with Justice.

Brad asks Marcie if she’s pregnant. She asks if he’s been talking to Alex, and he tells her that he has. She says she is, but it’s Randal’s. She can count, unlike his dumb-ass wife. He says he thought she couldn’t have children, but she says she was wrong. All the years she prayed for a baby, it comes now. She’s not telling Randal though. Marcie asks if Alex will tell him, but Brad says she’s not talking to him. He tells Marcie congratulations. She says she could accept it more if it was his, but scientifically, it’s not possible, as much as she wanted it to be. Brad thinks it’s wise not to tell Randal, especially with what he’s doing with Alex and custody of their baby. Marcie says it’s all about control. Brad says Alex thinks the baby is his, and tells Marcie that all this poison in her isn’t good. She says she loves him. They kiss, confusing me. He asks what she’s going to name the baby, and Marcie asks Brad to hold her. She tells him she’s sorry this happened, and he says him too.

It’s disco time! Julius is hanging at the club, when Ben walks in. I guess this is a strip club, but it looks like a throwback to the 70s. Julius snorts cocaine, and hopes his father is burning in hell. Alrighty then. Ben sits down. He says it’s awesome, and Julius asks which girl he wants. He says he has a girlfriend, and Julius smacks him, telling him not to say that, so Ben picks a girl. Julius calls for a drink. He asks what Ben likes, saying they have all kinds of candy. Julius tells him to enjoy, and Ben helps himself to some blow. Julius asks again what girl he wants, and says if he likes boys, he can get that too, but he doesn’t want to see it. Ben chooses a girl, and Julius tells her to do to Ben what she did to get into the party. Ben says he’s nervous because of cell phones. Julius shoots up in the air a couple of times. Everyone ducks and everything gets quiet, and Julius asks if there are any cell phones there. It’s a no, and everyone goes back to partying. Julius insists Ben continue. Honestly though, this looks like the Worst. Strip Club. Ever. It reminds me of a bar in my hometown. It was called The Interlude, and as kids, it all seemed very mysterious and sophisticated, and we were always trying to peek inside. During one of my vacations after moving away from home, a friend and I decided to check it out. It was like we’d stepped back into another era. There was fur along the bar like some cliché pimp’s dashboard, and one poor go-go girl was dancing all by herself in front of some mirrors on an empty dance floor. Absolutely no one was paying attention to her because – wait for it – Camelot was making it’s TV debut, and all of the patrons were glued to the screen.

Ben asks the girl to stop. Julius says he thinks Ben likes boys, and asks what’s going on. Ben says he’s been so nice, and Julius asks how the car is. Ben says he loves it, and drove it here, but wants to know why. Julius says it’s time to be honest. Before his father died, he told him, why make an enemy when you can use them to your advantage? He says the cops are his enemies, and Ben is being used. He tells Ben that after Julius Sr. died, the cops on his payroll got scared, and some got arrested. He says he’s starting his own crew. He tells Ben he’s not the only one. Ben leaves with the girl, and a guy whispers something to Julius. Julius says, Eddie.

Natalie thinks she slept too long, and tells Lushion she’s going to be up all night now. He asks how she’s feeling, and she says better, but wants to visit Joey tomorrow. He thinks they should test out the walls to find out how soundproof they are. She says his phone is vibrating, and he jokes that it’s not his phone, but it is. It’s Esperanza. She says she tried to call Kelly, but can’t get ahold of her. She asks Lushion to check on her. Natalie says now he’s cheating on her with Esperanza and has a baby with Alex. He adds that he’s going to check on his girlfriend Kelly, and explains about Travis still harassing her.

Lushion goes outside in his jammies. Natalie sees someone outside, and jumps up. She runs out the front door, and tells Lushion there was a man outside the window. He tells her to get inside, lock the door, call the police, and call Kelly.

The cops come to Kelly’s house. Lushion tells Dion that Kelly isn’t making this up, and Dion says he knows. Esperanza asks if Kelly wants to go to the hospital, but Kelly says Travis stopped when Justice said he was calling the police. She gets highly pissed at Dion, saying that Travis had to come at her with a knife before he believed her. She thanks him for serving and protecting, and tells him to go find Travis. He’ll be the one with a bite mark on his penis. I laugh, even though it’s not really funny. I wasn’t expecting it. Natalie and Esperanza take Kelly over to Natalie’s house.

Alex arrives slightly late to the hearing. She says she had to stop to feed her son. Randal gets mad because it’s not fair that Alex gets to visit. The judge asks if Randal would like an order so he can start breastfeeding, and I laugh again. Alex apologizes for wasting the court’s time, and says Randal is the father, and asks for custody. The judge asks why Alex held up the ruling, and Alex says that she was desperate. Randal says that’s no excuse, and the judge agrees. Randal’s lawyer asks for full custody, and no visitation without supervision. Alex begs Randal to let him stay with her, and he can see him whenever he wants to. The judge says he’s granting full custody to the only parent represented here. Randal and I say, what? According to the DNA, he’s not the father. We all look puzzled. Randal calls Alex a slut, and the judge tells him to calm down. He can’t believe it. Neither can Alex. The lawyer looks at the test, and Randal smacks it out of his hand. Randal stomps out, and his lawyer follows.

The judge explains about visits to see if it’s a safe environment, and says they’ll follow-up in thirty days. Alex thanks him. Man, I’d look out for Randal. Did Brad or someone else rig that test? Or are either Alex or Brad not entirely white? Could that be why Alex’s parents were such bigots?

Kelly emerges, and Natalie tells her that Lushion took the kids to school. Kelly says she’s embarrassed; she doesn’t even know how this happened. She’d loved Travis. Natalie says it could happen to any of them. She didn’t know he was crazy. She suggests Kelly get a gun. Kelly says Travis has been sneaking up on her, and she’d be afraid the tables would get turned. She says it’s hard being in the house because of Ramses. She slips about him being murdered there, and Natalie says she’s getting a preacher to bless the place. Kelly tells her to make sure it isn’t Travis. Natalie walks Kelly home.

Lushion gets a call from Pete, saying he’s being moved. He tells Lushion they’re taking Eddie down directly afterward. He asks if there’s any word on Andrew, but that’s a no. Lushion says he’ll call later. He’s surprised Steven finally decided to take Eddie down, but Steven says his boss did. He says this means he doesn’t get Escada. Lushion says maybe not like this, but they’ll get him. Steven says Lushion got his way, and he’s done with this.

Kelly gets an alarm system put into the house. Natalie’s friend Michelle arrives. She’s the gun lady. She shows Kelly a glock, and asks how it feels. Kelly asks if it’s legal, and Michelle shows her a license, saying she’ll still have to do a background check. She also suggests lessons. Kelly asks about safes, and Michelle says she can get one tomorrow. Kelly’s credit card is declined. Twice. Kelly gets another card, but it’s the same thing. Kelly has no idea what’s going on. Michelle asks if she has cash, and Kelly says that she’ll call the bank. Michelle says the wait will cost her. Kelly says fifteen minutes.

Michelle goes to wait in her car, and Kelly calls the bank. She asks Jill to run her card. Jill says it’s over the limit. Kelly asks about the charges, and Jill says it’s a bunch of sex toys, and all the cards are over the limit. She says Kelly could get into trouble at work. Kelly says Jill knows that’s not her. Jill says they were attached to her accounts, and she has no money. Kelly wonders why no one called. Yeah, me too. Jill says she’d better get to the bottom of it before the boss finds out. Kelly asks her to keep it between them until she can do some research. Forget that. I’d be going to boss and asking wth is going on with the security.

Ben’s driving the red sportscar when Eddie pulls him over. He asks why Ben Is in a car like that, and Ben says it’s his buddy’s car. Eddie asks if it’s a drug dealer’s car. Ben says no, but Eddie says he’s lying. He wants to run the plates. They’re in Ohio – I never knew that. I’m from Ohio. Eddie sees drugs in the car, and asks who Ben is running for. Ben says they’re his. Eddie finds out the car is registered to Julius. He smacks Ben around, and Ben claims he was just joy riding. Eddie tells Ben to get lost, and says he’s taking the car. He’s so incredibly stupid. Eddie drives away, and Ben gets into Eddie’s police car.

The girls arrive at Natalie’s house. They all compliment her, and she jokes that Alex’s baby daddy bought all the decor. Natalie asks Kelly if she’s okay, and she says she is, and just wants them to enjoy the evening. They discuss house alarms, and Natalie thinks she should get one too. Natalie says since Lushion invited them, she’s calling him to get some food.

Lushion wanders around the station, waiting. Natalie calls, and he says he can’t make it. He tells her something came up, but it’s just going to be her and the girls. He apologizes, and says it’s very important. She says she’ll order take-out. Steven tells him they don’t know where Eddie is, and Lushion practically hangs up on Natalie. Ben comes in, claiming that Eddie told him to bring his car back to the station. They tell him to go find Eddie. Lushion is concerned that Eddie knows what’s up, but Steven says that’s impossible.

Eddie turns his radio off to enjoy the high. Julius pulls up behind him. Oh, Eddie is doing something other than drugs. He has a girl in the car. Julius says Eddie seems to know a lot about him, and he’s about to save his life again. He tells Eddie not to go to the station – the FBI is waiting. Eddie asks how he knows, and Julius says he knows a lot of things. He has people everywhere. He says Eddie’s captain is in Columbia because he was about to be brought in. Eddie says he’d never mention Julius, but Julius says his time is up at that station; it’s time for new blood. He says if Eddie gets busted and mentions his name… Eddie says he’d never do that. Julius asks if he’s hard of hearing. Eddie says he knew Lushion was FBI. Julius says he doesn’t know Lushion, but he knows his informant, and Eddie had better get lost; he can’t afford him. Eddie says he understands, and he’s going. Julius tells him to clean the seats, and bring the car to his house. Eddie kicks the girl out of the car, and looks like he has a headache.

There’s a knock at Natalie’s door. It’s Marcie bearing wine. She asks if it’s a party and should she come back, but Natalie says it’s just the girls, and come on in. Marcie sits next to Alex. She asks if there’s anything juicy to talk about, and Esperanza thinks they should break out the wine. Marcie says that she thought Alex would have told them – she’s pregnant. She tells them that it’s Brad’s. Now Kelly looks like she has a headache. Marcie says she kept trying with Randal, and one time with her new man, and bam. She asks how Alex’s baby is, and Natalie says they’re not doing this in her new house. Alex says she’ll leave, and Esperanza says they need to stop all of this right now. Alex says that’s not going to happen with Marcie, and Marcie runs her mouth some more. She tells Natalie that she and Lushion have great taste, and she and Alex have great taste in men. She says it turns out Randal isn’t the father of Alex’s baby. She tells them about the DNA test, and how hard she laughed when Louise told her. She says Randal thinks the baby is Lushion’s. Natalie says it is not, and Marcie says she thought the same thing about Randal. Esperanza tells Marcie to stop. Alex says it’s nobody’s business, and the baby isn’t Lushion’s. She gets up to leave, calling for the kids. Esperanza tells her not to involve the kids, and Alex says send them home when they’re done. She walks out, and they follow.

Alex tells Natalie she knows she wouldn’t do that. On the porch of Alex’s house, Brad sees them, and asks what’s going on. Marcie won’t leave, and Alex wants to talk in private. Marcie asks if he really wants to talk to her, and he says he’ll see her back at the apartment. She kisses him and grabs his crotch, saying she’s warming up her dinner. Like Brad would want her acting so absurd. Alex and Brad go inside, and Marcie sits on the porch.

Brad asks what that’s about, and Alex tells him Marcie is harassing her. Brad says he told her to stop, but she’s not listening. Alex asks why he did that, and he says he’s had enough of her suffering, and doesn’t want her to be hurt. They hug. Alex begs him not to leave. She tells him she loves him. He says they can’t do this. She asks him to say he loves her too. He starts to leave, and she stops him. They start to kiss. Marcie hears noises. She can’t believe it. She gets in her car.

Alex and Brad continue to make out. Marcie drives away.

Steven tells Lushion that it’s going down. Lushion says he’s been waiting for this – bye, Eddie.

Eddie is being pursued by the cops. He hears it on the radio, and tries to avoid them. Too late. He’s blocked. They draw their guns. He looks up, thinking he can fly out of this, but no. He lights a joint instead. Why not? A cop tells him to get out of the car and he just looks at them. He’s surrounded.

Kelly tells Natalie it’s not true, and she doesn’t need to talk to Lushion. Kelly offers to take the kids home, but Natalie intervenes, and the entire household walks out. It’s like a small parade, and looks a little ridiculous. The kids ask what’s going on, and Kelly sends the kids who don’t belong to Alex to her house. Esperanza tells Natalie this is not the time, and Kelly adds that she’s never even seen them together.

Suddenly, Dion and Rick appear, and tell Kelly that she’s under arrest – for Ramses’ murder.

We hear a gunshot from Kelly’s house.

The end – for now.


May 24, 2017 – Don’t Touch the Chimera, NYC Returns to the Berkshires & Two Times the Andy


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)



General Hospital

Sonny arrives at the Nurses Ball, and Ava wants to jet. He asks why she’s leaving when the party just started.

Lulu asks Josslyn if she’s nervous. She says she is, but keeps reminding herself it’s for a worthy cause. She thought that Carly had said Sonny wasn’t coming, and Carly says he must have changed his mind.

Jason finds the chimera necklace on the floor. Anna accosts Valentin about the Chimera Project. He sees Nina hug Curtis.

Charlotte asks if the Chimera martini shaker is part of the act. and what does it do?  Jake says it’s powerful magic. He tells Charlotte that it’s a surprise, and not to touch it.

In the hospital, Nelle stirs. Kiki asks if she needs anything. Barely conscious, Nelle says, Michael.

Sonny says he has a problem with everything Ava does, and a big one with what she did to Morgan. Scotty comes to her rescue, and escorts her back to the table. Dante asks Sonny what that was about.

Lulu tells Laura that Charlotte is going to be one of Jake’s assistants.

Vaelentin tells Anna that the Chimera is gathering dust where it’s not a threat. Anna, on the other hand, has been one to his marriage and his life. He slides into the seat next to Nina while Lucy talks.

Sam asks Jason what’s wrong, and he shows her the necklace.

Lucy asks if we’re ready for female trouble with a capital T. Emma, Valerie, Amy 2.0 and Kristina perform Brave. Emma is quite a young lady now. I can’t help wondering when they all practiced, especially Emma. It’s a hit. Lucy encourages everyone to bid in the silent auction.

Bobbie sits at Carly’s table. She’s surprised about Sonny showing up, but Carly says the cause is important to him.

Sonny tells Dante that Morgan is gone, and Ava is trading on his name to make herself look good.

Kiki calls Michael. She says she needs to talk to his grandmother. Nelle is doing okay, but could use a friend.

Jason asks Sam if she really thinks it’s a coincidence. Sam wonders if Jake brought it, and Jason says, who else? Who else, indeed. Like any one of five people.

Emma and Charlotte wonder how they can assist, when they can’t even touch the magic trick. Jake says no one else knows how the magic works – only him.

Anna calls Robert, and tells him how proud she is of Emma. She’s not calling about that though. She asks what the Chimera actually does. After he tells her (we don’t hear it), she wonders how it ever got created in the first place.

Valentin asks if Nina is going to ignore him. Curtis thinks he should go back to his own table. Valentin says not without his wife, and begs Nina not to shut him out.

Anna approaches Andre. He says he’s having a good time, and wants to keep it that way. She explains that the person who offended him was her sister.

Nina tells Valentin that she has nothing to say. Valentin says she’s right, the time for talking is over. He gets up.

Valentin goes to Lucy’s dressing room. She says she’s happy about his donation, but it doesn’t cancel out that he shot Doc. He says he wants to up his donation to seven figures. Lucy asks him in exchange for what?

Sonny isn’t going to stop until he finds out how Morgan died. Dante says they know. Sonny says explain the pills then, and tells him about the dosage difference. He says Andre checked with the pharmacy, and Morgan was given the correct dosage. He’s going to find out what happened. Meanwhile, Andre calls the lab.

Valerie forgot her lipstick, and Kristina gives her a commercial for Burt’s Bees. Valerie says it’s perfect, and Kristina says it moisturizes as well. It is nice stuff.

Jason asks Elizabeth where Jake is. He shows her the necklace. Elizabeth wonders if someone gave it to him. No, he bought it himself. Geez. Jake asks what’s going on, and if they’re talking about him.

Valerie asks Jordan and Curtis if they’re enjoying the night, and Jordan compliments her on her performance. When she’s gone, Curtis tells Jordan that’s one way to show you’ve moved on. He tells Nina he hopes she took notes, because she needs to move on from Valentin. She’s not sure she wants to.

Lucy says Obrecht is unable to perform. We hear something that sounds like a bunch of pots and pans clattering backstage. She says they have someone just as rich…er, good. Valentin says this is for his wife, because he loves her. He sits at the piano. She’s mesmerized, and so am I. I can’t tell if it’s really him playing, but if not, they did a nice job with editing that. He sings Billy Joel’s And So It Goes. If Nina doesn’t want him, I’ll take him. Lucy introduces Valentin after the fact, and thanks him. Her dresses are fantastic – kind of nude, with lots of sparkles in strategic places. Now that song is going to be stuck in my head all day.

Anna leaves, and Nina tries to follow. Curtis stops her, and tells her not to do this to herself; it’s not worth it. Anna asks Valentin to tell her what she needs to know.

Lulu (whose dress matches Charlotte’s) asks if Charlotte isn’t going to get ready, but she doesn’t think there’s going to be an act. Jason asks Jake if he’s seen the necklace before. He asks if it’s Jake’s, but Jake doesn’t say anything. He tells Elizabeth that he doesn’t feel good. Elizabeth asks if he just has stage fright, and Franco offers to go on stage with him. Elizabeth tells him that he doesn’t have to do what he doesn’t want to.

Dante tells Sonny that he has to talk to Ava and Lucy again. Sonny asks why Dante didn’t tell him that Ava was at The Floating Rib the night of the robbery. Dante says it could be a coincidence.

Carly wonders where Michael is. Josslyn tells her that Michael said something came up, and left. She jets before Carly can ask what came up.

Michael is at the hospital. Kiki tells him that Nelle asked for him. He pulls a chair next to her bed.

Dante says that when Ava’s name is mentioned, Sonny gets reckless. He suggests that Sonny and Ava stay away from each other. Sonny tells Dante he’ll be fine, and Lulu is probably wondering what happened to him. Dante goes back to his table, and Andre tells Sonny that there’s trace evidence of an inert substance in the pill bottle. It’s possible that the crumbled pill was a placebo. We won’t go over all the reasons that’s not how any of this works.

Valentin tells Anna, don’t. He says she and her sister have jeopardized everything he loves. Even worse, he let her, reverting back to what he was, a stuttering Richard III hunchback. He says the only things that matter are his wife and daughter, and if he ever mattered to her, let him alone.

Jake asks if Elizabeth is sure that he doesn’t have to perform; what I something bad happens? Elizabeth says the worst that can happen is they leave early, and everyone is cool with that. Jake is like, okay, no magic show.

Carly wonders what Sonny is doing there, and what he wanted with Ava. I’m totally distracted by Ava’s earrings; I want them so much.

Sonny says, Morgan was taking a placebo? and Andre says that would explain things. Sonny says someone set him up, tampering with his medication so he’d have a breakdown. And he’s going to find out who.

Ava is worried, but Scotty says he covered her tracks. No way is Sonny finding out.

Lucy says it’s a special thrill to introduce a newcomer.

Michael’s phone rings. He asks if it’s time. Josslyn asks why he thought it was a good idea. He tells her that his little sister is a rock star, and he wants everyone to know. He says he’s with her, and so is Nelle.

Lucy introduces Josslyn. Michael puts the phone on speaker. I don’t know the song (and couldn’t find it on Google), but the crowd goes wild. Sonny and Carly give each other a soap opera stare.

Franco says maybe Jake could perform at home. Elizabeth asks where the magic box is.

Charlotte says perhaps she and Emma can do the magic act. They open the box. She says they’ll start with the Chimera martini shaker.

Jason tells Sam that he didn’t like Jake’s reaction to the necklace. Sam wants to go home, but tells him to stay. Griff comes by, and asks if he’s seen Emma. He asks what Jason is doing with Anna’s necklace.

Anna says she understands that Valentin wants to leave past behind, but they’re jeopardizing the people they love. He tells her that the only person who knows about it, is dead. She asks who it is, and he says he sold it to Helena. Like this is a huge surprise.

Charlotte doesn’t know how to open the Chimera. She presses a button on it, and blue lights start flashing.

Nelle says that Michael missed Josslyn’s performance, but he says he just listened to it. He tells her that Josslyn backed him up in coming there.

Ava tells Scotty that she never meant for anything bad to happen; she just did it to protect Kiki. Scotty says doesn’t matter. Morgan is dead. Case closed.

Carly asks Sonny why he’s there. He tells her that he finally has answers about Morgan.

Tomorrow, more Nurses Ball, Valentin asks Lulu if there’s a problem, Scotty says Ava has to get out, Anna calls Robert, and Jake tries to stop the Chimera. I’m guessing that Obrecht is going to free herself from whatever closet Lucy and Valentin trapped her in, and it’s going to go off during her performance. Along with Lucy’s clothes coming off.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Ramona is downtown. Carole’s kittens hang from the curtains. Dorinda is packing for the Berkshires.

Bethenny meets with her real estate guy, Frederik Eklund. (Million Dollar Listing: New York premieres tomorrow.) He’s checking out the apartment that she’s getting ready to sell, and she says it’s bittersweet. Frederik lusts after her shoe collection. Me too. And the humongous closet the shoes are in. Frederick tells her they need to de-clutter de-personalize.

Ramona drops by Carole’s place. She starts moving things around on the coffee table, and critiquing Carole’s way of placing things. I’d smack her. They talk about Dorinda’s party, and Luann’s upcoming wedding. Carole says Tom acts more like the bride than Luann.

While walking the dog, Tom and Luann discuss a honeymoon. She suggests South Africa. In her interview, Luann says she loves being married. She’s trying to get used to saying “our” again. Tom complains about gaining weight.

Carole tells Ramona that she thinks Luann is having second thoughts. She says that someone told her that all is not as it seems. We revisit the scene where Barbara is telling Carole that she thinks Luann would rather go through with it and get divorced later. Which, btw, Barbara is seriously miffed about, since she claims she didn’t know it would be on the show. Please. Barbara must be a full-blown idiot. Carole says maybe Luann is just having last minute jitters, but thinks the conversation should be had. Ramona says that she got a text from someone who used to date Tom, and he recently tried to be sexually aggressive with her. She called Tom a “dirty dog,” and said she didn’t think she was the only one he’s groping. Carole wonders if Luann cares. Ramona asks if they’re bad friends if they don’t tell her – or if they do tell her. She reminds Carole about what happened in Miami. We flash back to that, and she says it’s not just one kiss. Carole says maybe Luann is confiding in Dorinda, and Ramona thinks they should talk to her.

It’s Christmas in the Berkshires again. Dorinda messes with some giant balls (hush) that light up. We flash back to the last holiday dinner there, when Dorinda made it nice. She’s going to be more strategic this time, and invite the women in different groups over the course of three days. And yes, Sonja is invited this year.

Sonja thinks she’s cool because she’s in the first group and “invited early.” She arrives with Ramona. Tinsley is also coming after meeting her mother for lunch.

Tinsley’s mother asks if she’s happy in NYC. She’s brought Tinsley’s father’s ashes because she’s taking them to Florida, and Tinsley might want to say good-by. I would have hoped Tinsley had done that already, since he’s been gone for two years. Tinsley gets a drink from the mini-bar. She talks about her mother’s hugs being relative to her weight as a child, and in her interview, says that Southern mothers are particularly critical of their children. They talk about Sonja. Tinsley’s mother hopes Tinsley is appreciative, since Tinsley is sponging off of her.

Sonja complains about Tinsley not making coffee and excluding her when she goes out. Dorinda says she knows a lot about Tinsley’s past, but not who she is today. She thinks Tinsley needs to open up, and hopes over time that she trusts them more.

Tinsley’s mom wants her to have a baby, but Tinsley says she’s not just going to pluck some random guy out. They talk about Tinsley’s dating life.

Dorinda wants the girls to help decorate. She takes her tree seriously, and says it’s a religion. She gives detailed instructions on how the lights should be placed.

Adam’s parents, David and Lola, are in town, and Carole is accompanying them to find Christmas presents for Adam. In her interview, Carole says it didn’t take her two minutes to win Lola over, and parents love her. She says they want grandkids, and Adam wants kids, but she’s not going to be the one having them, since she’s 200 years old. She says what it means for the relationship is still to be determined. David acts exhausted, even though he hasn’t done anything except go along for the ride.

Tinsley gets to the Berkshires. In her interview, she says her mother told her you can never have enough Christmas decorations, but she thinks Dorinda is secretly Mrs. Claus. She does have a lot of them. Sonja picks on Tinsley for having lunch elsewhere. Tinsley keeps explaining that it was her mother.

It’s Dorinda’s birthday. She wants to show Tinsley her cake, but even though it says, “open here,” it’s the wrong side, and the cake has toppled. Dorinda says, enough wine, and the cake will be beautiful. Amen, sister!

Bethenny tells the driver no hookers, because they might have to peel out at midnight. She and Carole act like five-year-olds walking in, but Carole says she thinks the third time is the charm. Dennis has sent Bethenny flowers at Dorinda’s because he knows she needs floral therapy in the Berkshires. She’s just hoping Ramona leaves her alone.

Carole talks to Bethenny alone about Luann. Bethenny wonders if there’s any way they can get her out of it. Luann obviously doesn’t care or doesn’t want to know, so I’m not sure why these women keep wanting to get involved. Unless Andy Cohen is standing there with a pitchfork. I used to think Jeff Probst was the antichrist until Andy came along.

Bethenny says it was reliable information last year, and the same source has it that Tom is straying again. Carole says Bethenny is like the cautionary tale for a whirlwind romance. Bethenny agrees, but says hers wasn’t as bad at this point in time. Bethenny wants to be on a group tag team to tell Luann, as she was on her own in Miami.

Omg, Dorinda has a fat little dog named Lucy who is just precious. The ladies mess with the fireplace, and try to burn down Dorinda’s house by not opening the flue. They sit down for drinks, and Dorinda says that Luann is rock solid about getting married. Carole says she’s heard differently. Ramona says she doesn’t want Luann to be the last to know. In her interview, Dorinda wishes they could talk about someone else. Ramona reads the texts she received. Dorinda hopes they’re taking it the wrong way. Bethenny says the cracks become craters. She says her situation didn’t even start the same way, and look how it ended up. In her interview, Dorinda says she doesn’t want to hear it, but now she’s obligated to say something, so Luann can either leave, stay, or shoot someone. She asks the other women to be with her because she’s afraid.

Dorinda thinks all she’ll get is anger, but Carole says she’s being a good friend. Luann arrives while the ladies are setting out the materials for cookie decorating. Bethenny asks about Luann’s dress, and if she’s all set. Luann talks to Tinsley about finding her own place. Tinsley says Sonja talks smack behind her back, and Luann says welcome to the club. Tinsley tells the ladies that she can’t even talk to Sonja’s assistant without it being a problem. Sonja says she can’t have him doing errands, and she has to treat him professionally. Tinsley claims that she only asked him once to take a package for her. Ramona tells her to face it, she can’t do anything right. Sonja makes up stupid scenarios that could have happened if her assistant dared open the door for Tinsley’s delivery. No way would I live with this woman. No wonder Tinsley ditches her.

Bethenny tells Carole that she’s glad Ramona is keeping her distance. She thinks everyone told Ramona how foolish she looked, and she’s trying to make up for it.

In private, Dorinda tells Luann the saga continues. She asks if Luann is happy, and if she believes Tom is done with other women. She tells Luann about the texts, and says she wanted to come to her directly. She asks if Luann trusts Tom. Luann says she trusts him 100%. She says they don’t check each other’s phones, and Dorinda admits to checking John’s phone, as well she should. Luann says she doesn’t care what anyone says. Dorinda tells her that as long as she doesn’t feel like she’s being pressured, it’s all good. In her interview, Dorinda says at the end of the day, it’s Luann that has to handle this. Luann wonders if the women don’t have anything better to do, and thinks they’re talking about her because they’re missing something in their own lives.

Luann tells Dorinda that Ramona has been calling Tom’s friends, trying to dig up dirt, and poof! Ramona appears.

Next time, two weeks until the wedding, Carole wonders why all these women want to kiss Tom, Bethenny refuses to make a toast, and Ramona and Bethenny have it out.

🎉 Tonight, Andy Cohen’s Then & Now covered 1990. George Michael’s Freedom video, supermodels, Vogue! The Fly Girls (whose inspiration was part hip-hop, part Ann Margaret), Nelson Mandela’s release, more realistic family sitcoms, Married with Children and Terry Rakolta, Twin Peaks, the first war live on TV (the Gulf War), Home Alone, and Sinead O’Connor shaving her head. The twist on this retrospective show, is that all of the main topics covered are tied to how they’ve influenced today. I like this show almost as much as CNN’s decades series. The biggest revelation this evening? RuPaul finds Ed O’Neill sexy.

🏖 Watch What Happens Live has been blessed with a few of the Beverly Hills Wives stopping by since they’re filming in LA this week. Lisa Vanderpump stopped by the other night with a batch of puppies and I almost passed out. Erika Jayne  dropped in tonight, and Kyle Richards also did a bit with Andy at the beginning of the show. Guest Bethenny Frankel was a hoot, spilling the tea where she could, and joining her, Eric Stonestreet was just delightful. James Kennedy (Vanderpump Rules) has been the house DJ, and Andy brought along the Gay Shark, who has acquired rainbow swim trunks for his trip to the West Coast. Tomorrow, Chelsea Handler is on. I’ll be watching, but she’s not a favorite of mine. I liked her original show when it first aired, but I saw her change over time, becoming more mean than funny. God forgive me, but I was glad when she cried over Hillary losing the election.