What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Below Deck Mediterranean
We backtrack a tiny bit. Captain Sandy asks the guests how dinner is, and if it’s hot. Since they’re too drunk to have even started eating, she tastes it herself, and says, it’s not hot. She tells Ben, and in his interview, he says, it’s a nightmare. It’s impossible, and he doesn’t use that word. Hannah asks the guests if dinner was good, and primary Laura says, amazing, baby. Colin comes up to help clear the plates, and the women get excited. Anastasia and Aesha clean the cabins. Anastasia is glad it’s not as much effort as being the chef. Travis is pissed off, because he lost his room, and says Jack is off having fun with Aesha. She took Jack away completely. Ben says lunch was more of a success because he was using the oven. Anastasia is happy it’s not her. I have no idea what the dessert is – a flourless chocolate something – but it looks really good. The guests think it’s horrible, which Hannah translates to not very good, and Aesha has to tell Ben the bad news. Ben says the guests are effing insane, and clearly mad. That makes him feel better.
One guest talks about sleeping with another’s ex-husband. Another goes out on deck, and starts doing handstands. Jack and Aesha watch her dance around. Jack says he’s seen her bare ass more times than Aesha’s. Hannah goes to bed. Natalie bugs Travis in the galley, and a bunch of them accost Jack on the bridge. He calls to Aesha for help. She tells him to keep his clothes on. In her interview, Aesha says she’s annoyed, and she’s not a jealous person. She must really care about him. Captain Sandy half-jokingly asks the guests not to harass her crew members; Jack really has to pay attention. Jack thanks her for saving him, and tells her, these women are a mess. A bunch of them act like five-year-olds in the lounge, and finally go to bed, one making up a song about Captain Sandy on the way. Jack loves on Aesha in the galley, and she tells him to stop enjoying himself so much. She cleans up, and gets in the bunk with him. She says now they can watch a movie in bed, and he says, lots of things. In Jack’s interview, he doesn’t know how he feels about living with someone he hasn’t had sex with. He has to be patient. This girl is worth it.
The captain can’t find a stew anywhere, and she pokes her head into Hannah and Anastasia’s cabin. Anastasia realizes she overslept, and Captain Sandy says, not acceptable. In Hannah’s interview, she says she wants back her annoyingly perfect third stew, that she had on the first charters. Jack tells the other deckhands that Aesha has given him rules, like getting dry in the shower, and not waking her up. His only rule for her is, just be naked. It’s give and take. Breakfast is started, and Ben is like the hairdresser who follows you out because they saw one last hair that needed clipping, as he follows Anastasia to put one more piece of garnish on a plate. Travis tells Jack, he’s fine, but he’s bored. Maybe he wants more, but there isn’t anything. He says he’s not getting drunk before going out this time. In his interview, he says Jack has Aesha, and he has vodka. It numbs the mind, so you don’t think about sh*t.
A couple of guests use the jet skis. Anastasia tells Aesha about getting up late. Ben curses the range. Aesha gives the guests on deck some drinks, and they ask for cheeseburgers. They want naughty food. Aesha tells Ben that he’s going to hate her, and relays the request. The captain asks for the slide to be put out. Ben says he can handle the cooking, but he can’t fix the burners. He’s relying on instinct and experience. Captain Sandy says she has to start the engine because they’re dragging anchor. She asks the deck crew to get the guests back on the boat, and the water toys out of the water. In her interview, the captain explains that they need to reset, and she doesn’t need the deckhands to be blasé about getting the toys back in. Ben gets jazzed about the cheeseburgers getting cold. In his interview, he says, it’s important to keep hot food hot, but doesn’t think Hannah grasps the concept. It’s been one disaster after another.
The water toys are brought in. In Captain Sandy’s interview, she says dragging anchor is dangerous, and she needs to re-secure the vessel. Colin reaches for the anchor chain and thinks he broke… it. What? His finger? His nose? His man parts? João gives the signal, and they drop anchor. Colin is limping, so is it his foot? The burgers are approved by the guests. Colin tells the captain that he got his toe caught, and he injured his wrist, so I’m still not getting what happened. In her interview, the captain says the thought of losing Colin is causing a tightening in her chest. Colin tells Jack that he landed on his wrist. Jack says, first Colin tried to take June’s place, now he injured himself to get away from them. João takes Colin to shore. Colin is hoping it’s just a sprain. In João’s interview, he asks, how much almost losing Colin can he go through? He can’t afford to lose him. Colin is his best mate, and he needs him be around. He drops Colin off, and Colin gets in a taxi.
João asks the guests if they’re having a chill day. Laura says, more mellow than yesterday. João thinks it’s the calm before the storm. Ben says he’d be screwed without Anastasia. Captain Sandy tells Ben that she’ll be having dinner with the guests. In Ben’s interview, he says it’s nerve wracking when a captain eats with the guests. Any prior complaints can be blamed on the guests, but the captain can attest to what they say. It’s like they lawyered up. In Hannah’s interview, she says both she and Ben need Anastasia for dinner service. Travis whines to João that he sees his old bed with teddy bears on it. In João’s interview, he says, Jack is acting like he just got dumped by his teen sweetheart. They’re still on the same boat. It’s not like Jack moved to another country. The guests order shots, like they need them. João picks up Colin, who says his wrist is just inflamed, and he has to wear a brace for a few days. In his interview, he says, trust him. You don’t want to see the other guy.
The obnoxious guests get ready for dinner. Hannah is nervous because Ben decides to do a self-service family style dinner. He says, plates coming back are depressing. In Hannah’s interview, she says, Ben is sensitive, and not as cocky as he was in Greece. We flash back to that, and she says, he’s still volatile. Just not as cocky. Ben tells Sandy about his serving choice, and says it could be hangovers or their drinking, but the guests don’t seem to be eating. In the captain’s interview, she says, whatever gets Ben to perform best. She tells him that she trusts her chef. Ben says, thankfully, the burner is working. Guest Jules babbles to the captain about Aspen. Guest Stephanie interrupts, and Jules gets testy. In her interview, Captain Sandy says she doesn’t want people to fight for her attention. Guest Samantha asks why they’re serving themselves, and the captain says Ben wasn’t sure if they were going to eat. Samantha wants to see him now. He asks Hannah if that’s good or bad, and there are lots of bleeps. The guys hum Chopin’s Funeral March.
Samantha tells Ben, don’t be worried; it’s good, and everyone praises his food. He thanks them, and jets. Samantha says she likes when he’s nervous, and another jerkface says, he’s cute when he’s nervous. Idiots. I can’t even imagine an amount of money that would make me feel like I could humiliate any kind of workers, whether it’s by coming on to them or making them uncomfortable in another way. Unless I knew them. J/K. Kind of.
Ben uses a flamethrower on the crème brûlée dessert. It’s a success. Captain Sandy has to go back to the bridge. She stops by the galley, and tells Ben, it was amazing, but it got cold. Ben says the shrimp were sizzling when they came out of the galley. The captain says, it’s a long way to go, and Ben suggests getting stones to put them on, which sounds like a really good idea. The captain says it’s the best meal she’s had since she’s been on the boat.
Colin calls his mom to tell her about his injury. She wants to know what medication they gave him, but he says he hasn’t taken anything yet. She suggests he get a desk job, and his dad says, hang in there, as parents will. Jules and Stephanie argue about what happened at the table, and Stephanie says Jules is causing a scene. The other guests get out of the way, wanting to avoid the drama. The crew members do their best to eavesdrop. In Hannah’s interview, she says they’re fighting about getting Sandy’s attention. It’s strangely ironic, since for the past year, she’d been trying to get Sandy’s attention off of her. Stephanie says, that’s not how she saw it, but Jules doesn’t care. Stephanie can’t believe how aggressive Jules is getting with her. She did nothing unacceptable. They finally go to their cabins. This better be a big freaking tip. These women are total jerks.
Aesha and Jack make fun of them in the galley. Natalie wants to play the golf game, and Travis sets it up for her. She comments on how big his hands are, pretending not to know what she’s inferring. He bluntly reminds her. In his interview, he says he’s feeling isolated. Flirting with a beautiful woman is a nice change. The argument continues in the cabins, until it’s finally agreed they’ll deal with it in the morning.
It’s a new day. The guests gather for breakfast, but no talk of the idiocy from the night before. Jack tells Colin not to lift anything. Make João do it. Hannah tells Colin if he needs a hand, let her know. João suggests Jack drive them out. In his interview, João says there are very few things he can do to show Jack his appreciation. It’s like rewarding a dog with a bone. In Jack’s interview, he says, it’s a lovely little surprise. João must be drinking. He wouldn’t trust himself. Travis composes a note to Natalie. In his interview, he says they’re not allowed to fraternize with the guests on the boat, so he decided to do it off the boat. The guests pack, and the crew gets into their whites, queuing up on dock.
Jack slips Natalie the note during the goodbyes. Laura thanks them, and says it was an amazing experience, and the food was amazing. Ben is glad it’s over. Jack jumps on Aesha when they get back to their bunk. Captain Sandy calls everyone to the lounge for the tip meeting. She says considering she had to let a crew member go, and how their roles changed, other than Anastasia oversleeping, it went well. She tells Anastasia not to let it happen again, and Anastasia says, it only happens once. The captain says, Ben flew across the Atlantic Ocean, and nailed it in a galley he’s never been in. He says he couldn’t have done it without the crew, especially Anastasia. The tip is 13,800 euros, or 1250 ($1367.56) each. Hannah says, it’s hush money. In his interview, Jack says, sexual harassment, but the tip made it worth it.
Captain Sandy shows Hannah pictures of table settings from a boat show she went to. She tells Hannah she wants the tables at this level. In the captain’s interview, she says if Hannah can’t do it, she needs to inspire her stews to do it. Travis announces that he’s getting toasted on Red Bull and vodka. Hannah is pumped for tonight, but she’s not babysitting. She tells Jack, who says Travis isn’t as bad as she thinks. He had a few bad days. In Hannah’s interview, she says she’s not spending her night off babysitting a wasted Travis. Been there, done that, got the postcard, and not interested in getting another one again..
Hannah asks if Travis is still planning on being a good boy. Travis says he’s scrapped that idea, and she tells him, don’t make her night sh*t. He doesn’t like the way she said it, but agrees. In Travis’s interview, he says, Hannah is super condescending. The crew gets ready to go out. In Hannah’s interview, she says, the last time she as on a crew’s night out with Ben, he went back to the boat, and banged her third stew. Here’s to history not repeating itself. In the taxi, Aesha tells Hannah that she looks effing sexy, and she could eat Hannah’s face off. Sometimes I think these people are just out at sea too long.
It’s a beautiful restaurant/club, but the seating at the table is really tight. Jack is ready for RBV’s. In her interview, Hannah says she asked him to chill. She doesn’t want to babysit. Travis tells Jack that he’d like to stick his lips on Hannah. I suggest he not tell Hannah that. Waiters come with sparklers, ice buckets, and bottles of liquor, particularly vodka. Outside, in the smoking section, Hannah asks Travis if he’s holding a grudge, and Travis says, it’s old. He’s tired of her conflicting messages. In Travis’s interview, he says he just needs to get through the next two weeks, and he doesn’t have to deal with sh*t again. Hannah tells him that he’s weird, and he goes back inside.
Aesha tells Travis that she loves him, and he says he knows. João tells Colin that Travis is bent on destruction. He can see it. Travis sticks a long straw into a HUGE vodka bottle, and sucks it down. The girls dance. Colin and João go outside. Travis falls on the floor, and breaks one of the bottles. Hannah dances on a table, ignoring all of this totally. Travis goes to sit down, and keels over. Ben calls him an effing wanker. In his interview, Ben says we all know he’s been drunk before, but there’s drunk, and then there’s Travis drunk. Anastasia says, it’s not okay to get drunk like this every single time. Ben helps Travis up and outside. In Ben’s interview, he says he was looking forward to blowing off some steam, and familiarizing himself with his new crew, not babysitting. But apparently, he’s the babysitter. He tosses Travis into the taxi.
Next time, a guest passes out at dinner, João says it has the potential for disaster, Captain Sandy tells Travis that she can smell alcohol on his breath, and Ben gets burned – literally.
🚤 Thoughts and Prayers…
As Colin’s dad would probably say, hang in there, Captain Sandy.
😕 It’s Just As Well…
Like Camille said, it’s Kyle’s show now.
🎃 Not Quite as Scary as RHOBH…
It looks like Kyle has another show coming up.
💍 A Success Story…
I was rooting for Olga and Steven, even though I thought they were a little young for the 90 days.
🎹 The Miracle of Google…
I wanted to get more specific about what the guys in Below Deck Med were humming. It’s a common melody, but I had no idea what it was called. I put dum dum death march in, and got this. Poof! Magic! And it kind of fits going back to work.