What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
I missed the first few minutes, and hope this isn’t indicative of the week.
Kim asks if Franco is ready start their new life. He says he’s very sorry, but he can’t leave Port Charles with her after all. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!!!
Alexis asks if TJ is saying that she somehow ingested rat poison. There’s an antidote, right? Elizabeth comes in with Finn, and asks how Alexis is feeling. Finn says her blood pressure has dropped to its lowest point, and Alexis says it probably shot up after she heard TJ’s theory. TJ says her symptoms are consistent with thallium poisoning. Finn says, it’s been banned for decades, but TJ suggests they run tests to be on the safe side, and Finn agrees.
Kim tells Franco that she doesn’t understand, and asks if it’s about slowing down. He says, that’s not it, and she asks, why stay in Port Charles? She saw Monica, and Monica understands. He says, it has nothing to do with Monica, and she asks if it’s about Elizabeth and the boys. He says, it’s about Franco, and what Franco did for him when they were kids.
Julian flashes back to Kim saying he was never her Charlie. That man never existed. It was him pretending to be someone he’ll never be. A woman (let’s just say it, Brook Lynn) asks if he’s working today. She wants a black Russian. He says he’ll get someone to help, and she says, or he could pour it himself. Unless he has something better to do.
Brad says he didn’t know Lucas spoke to Julian, and Lucas says, yesterday. He was with Julian when Brad called. Once Brad said Charlotte had been abducted by Cassandra, it slipped his mind. Julian just made excuses about how he was protecting him and Wiley from Brad’s shady dealings. Brad says he was set up, and Lucas says, in reality, the only person they needed protection from Julian. Julian is nothing to him. If they see him when they’re out somewhere, they’re going to turn the other way. He’s sorry Brad got set up. It seemed like he and Julian were getting close, and he knows how that hurts. Brad says, it hurt Lucas too; he’ll miss his father. Lucas says he misses the father who raised him. He doesn’t miss Julian. Lucas’s phone dings, and he says he has to get back to work. Brad says he and Wiley will be waiting.
Diane tells Jason and Sam that they don’t need to debate the evidence. It’s already on record, and Judge Madrigal has a reputation for fairness. The judge comes in, and the bailiff says, court is now in session; the United States vs Sam McCall. The judge asks if they’re ready, and Diane introduces herself as council for the defense. She says they’re ready, but the US attorney seems to have something better to do. Judge Madrigal asks the bailiff if there’s been any word, but he says not that he knows of. Diane says, in light of the no show, she’s asking that all charges be dismissed immediately. Jason makes a face like one of my dogs makes when I have food in my hand.
Diane says, her honor is of course (🍷) familiar with the spurious charge of murder against Sam. She doesn’t use the term spurious lightly. At the time of Shiloh’s death, Jason was definitely unarmed and in imminent danger. The charges against her client were hyper-inflated, and are now outright lies. They say Sam arranged Shiloh’s escape for the sole purpose to kill him herself. Phone records show Sam answered a call from Dev Corbin, who was on the Haunted Star. She went unprepared and unarmed, which is illogical. If she arranged to kill Shiloh, why go unarmed? It makes no sense. Sam never should have been charged and taken from her home, where her two children need her, to spend even one hour to clear her name. It’s a clear-cut case of self-defense. She asks that the charges be dismissed. A man – who looks a lot like Anderson Cooper – runs in, and introduces himself as Gabriel Burke. He apologizes for being late, but he was interviewing the victim’s friends and supporters. They were once homeless and down on their luck, and they’re now thriving. They all tell the same story. If not for Shiloh, they’d be on the street. The man Sam shot in the back and erased from the world was a healer, helper, and hero. We all gag.
Obrecht asks Lucas how Wiley is, and he says she doesn’t even have a vague interest in his son. Brad is finished with her. She says she’s sorry to hear that. He’s been in contact with Britt, and she has an update. He tells her, give it a rest. She’s been blackmailing Brad. She took advantage of him being an anxious new father, and wrote a prescription for him. She took advantage of it, and used Brad to tamper with Sasha’s tests. Obrecht says she doesn’t know if he’s naïve or being deliberately ignorant, but in his eagerness to put the blame on her shoulders, he conveniently ignores what he knows about his own husband. Brad is a liar, and capable of lying to him.
On the phone, Julian tells Lucy that he has the right to keep Olivia’s deposit (he still hasn’t mentioned in what world), and to get her client under control. Brad asks if he’s having a bad day, and Julian tells him, get out. Brad says Julian might want to hear his deal first. Julian says Brad got the best of him this time, but he still has a story to tell, so don’t get cocky. He’s not done. Brad tells Julian, never mention how Wiley fell into his arms again, or Sonny will be over to visit so fast, it will make Julian’s head spin. But he has a more positive reason for visiting. Something that should make Julian happy.
Alexis says she’s sorry she doubted TJ, and TJ says he doubted himself too. Maybe he’s wrong, but her symptoms are specific. He wonders how she might have come in contact with the poison.
Franco tells Kim, Franco sacrificed himself, and his life was damaged irreparably. Despite monumental challenges, Franco rebuilt his life. Franco had a relationship, a family, and a home, until he showed up and took them away. Kim says, Shiloh and that crazy doctor did that. He had no choice. Franco says, Franco sacrificed himself for Cameron, and years before, did the same for him. Kim says if he feels obligated to visit Elizabeth’s family and be a friend to the boys, she’ll accept it. It won’t be easy, but they can stay. She just wants to be with him. He says he wants be with her too, but he can’t. He has nothing but love for her, but he’s going to have the procedure reversed. I say, thank God, and God laughs because these people aren’t real.
TJ says, maybe a local exterminator is using the poison, and Finn asks if Alexis has eaten any take-out. She says, only the usual; Kelly’s, Charlie’s, the Floating Rib, the MetroCourt. None of them would use something like that. Finn says it’s possible an employee had it on their hands. TJ says there would be other cases if that happened. Elizabeth brings back the test results, and Finn says, TJ is right. It’s thallium. Alexis says, now that they know what it is, tell her there’s a cure.
Franco says he’s not trying to hurt Kim, but he has to do right by Franco. He was never meant to be there. Kim says, but he is there. She can touch him and feel him. He says his memories are in another man’s body. A man who saved him when he was too little to save himself. Kim says he can’t. It’s too dangerous, and he could end up in a permanent coma. He says, the last thing Franco said to Cameron was, tell Elizabeth that he’d be back. Kim says, Elizabeth is handling this. Please. She can’t lose him. He says he has to try. He’s no good to her, himself, or anyone else if he doesn’t.
Brad tells Julian that he’s willing to let bygones be bygones. What Julian did was despicable, but not unforgiveable, especially since they were starting to be one big happy family. Julian asks what Brad wants now, and Brad says he’ll ask Lucas to give Julian another chance. Julian asks how he’ll mange that, and Brad says, he’ll have to take it slow; wear Lucas down over time. But Julian has to play his part. Keep his distance, and Brad will make sure he and Lucas are close again. As long as Julian doesn’t even think about exposing the secret about Wiley.
Lucas tells Obrecht to stop playing her twisted mind games. They don’t work; not with him or Brad. He doesn’t trust her, and if she ever tries to blackmail Brad again, he’ll go to the authorities. Obrecht says then she has no choice but to reveal the cold hard facts about Lucas’s husband, and why she was involved.
Judge Madrigal says Gabriel was late, and now he’s grandstanding. It’s a bench trial, not the theater. The only important thing she’ll pay adherence to is a productive argument and the charges. Prior to his death, Shiloh had been charged with sexual assault, attempted murder, murder, blackmail, and money laundering. He was a complex man who had a complex death, and it’s her job to judge whether there was malice aforethought or not. Diane calls Jason to the stand.
Jason says when he got the Haunted Star, Shiloh was standing over Sam, who was lying on the ground with broken glass all around her. Shiloh was attacking Sam, and he told Shiloh to stop.
Sam says, once she was alone on the boat, she knew she had to plan her escape, so she kept Shiloh talking. She went to the bar to pour a drink. That’s when he told her that he was responsible for his father’s death; that he tampered with the breaks on his father’s car. Gabriel objects, saying Shiloh isn’t on trial for his father’s death. Diane says it shows the state of her client’s mind; she was clearly in fear for her life, and it shows intent. Shiloh – the hero – admitted to murdering his own father. The judge says, continue, and Sam says Shiloh was closing in on her. She took the bottle to use as a weapon, but Shiloh got it out of her hand, and threw it on the ground. Then he threw her to the ground on top of the glass. He forced her legs open, and started to unbuckle his pants.
Jason says he shot Shiloh. He hit Shiloh in the chest, and thought he was dead. He didn’t check Shiloh’s pulse, and went directly to Sam. Diane asks how Shiloh survived, and Jason says, he had a bulletproof vest he took from a guard when he escaped. Jason didn’t realize, and was on deck when Shiloh came at him with a gaffing stick.
Sam says, Shiloh was going to kill Jason. She had no time, so she just reacted, shooting him in the back with a flare gun. He stumbled, and fell overboard. Gabriel says what she described sounds terrifying. Was she terrified? Sam says, of course (🍷). Gabriel says, then why did Sheri say in her sworn statement that Sam knew Jason didn’t need help, and could deal with Shiloh on his own? She shot Shiloh because of what he’d done to her sister and her. Diane says, hearsay, but Gabriel says Sam wanted Shiloh dead, didn’t she?
Finn tells Alexis the antidote is in paint, like the kind in Van Gogh’s Starry Night. It’s also used in blueprints. It binds to the metals in the body, and flushes them out safely. Alexis wonders how someone came up with it. They licked a paintbrush? (That sounds like something I’d ask. I know. Let’s try drinking paint!). Finn says she’s going to be okay. TJ comes back, and says there’s no report of anyone else being poisoned in or around Port Charles. Finn says the symptoms are unique to Alexis, which brings them back to why.
Sam says she won’t apologize for wanting Shiloh away from her sister or the other young women he preyed on. But no matter what, she took a shot to protect Jason. Gabriel says, so she was mistaken. She didn’t think he could handle it himself. Diane says, hearsay, which the prosecution should understand. He’s using backdoor maneuvers to get the statement on record. The judge says, sustained. Move along.
Gabriel suggests that Sam and Jason set up a sting operation, but Diane objects, saying that’s a speculative premise. The judge sustains her objection, and Gabriel asks if Jason ever physically assaulted Shiloh. Jason says they fought, and Gabriel asks, how many times? Did he ever throw Shiloh down the stairs? Diane objects again. She says Gabriel had ample opportunity to present the evidence of Jason allegedly throwing Shiloh down the stairs, but none was presented. There’s no way to prove it happened. Her objection is sustained. Gabriel says there are numerous counts of assault, and Diane objects again. Judge Madrigal says, sustained. She warned Gabriel about grandstanding, and next time, she’s going to cite him. Gabriel asks if Jason was so inexplicably defenseless, that if Sam hadn’t shot Shiloh, he wouldn’t have been able to defend himself. Diane says, that calls for speculation, and Gabriel says, withdrawn. Diane brings out the gaffing stick, and asks Jason what it is, for the record. He says it looks like the gaffing stick Shiloh was going to hit him with, and Diane says, Shiloh’s fingerprints were all over it. Gabriel – who’s really reaching now – says Sam could have placed it in Shiloh’s hands after he died. Diane says, false narrative, but Gabriel says, Sam, Jason, and Shiloh were alone on the water, with no witnesses to give history. The only life in danger that night was Shiloh’s. I wonder why they’re not making more of Dev’s phone call.
Julian says Brad loves throwing Sonny’s name around. Maybe he should tell Sonny his grandson is still alive. He’ll be so grateful, he’ll shake Julian’s hand. Brad says he came to Julian in good faith with a peace offering, but Julian says, how about extortion? Brad says Julian can get his son back if he lets them keep theirs, but he’ll have to agree to the terms. Julian tells Brad that he’d better not screw up. Brad holds out his hand, but Julian doesn’t shake it. Brad leaves, and Julian announces there’s a problem in the kitchen, and they’re closing. Their charges are covered, but they have to get out. Brook Lynn continues to drink.
Kim says, so he’s giving up his life, but Franco says it’s not his life to have; it’s Franco’s. If he holds on to it, he’s no better than the men who did the procedure in the first place.
On the phone at Charlie’s, Brook Lynn says, they owe her. O-W-E, owe, not own. They can find someone else if they want someone to push around. Go to hell. She hangs up, and tells Julian, black Russian, take two. He says, the bar is closed; she has to leave. She says she’ll get where she’s going eventually. In the meantime, she’s comfortable. Is he going to pick her up and toss her out, or call the cops? It would be simpler to just get her the damn drink.
Franco asks what Kim will do now, but she says she doesn’t know. All she knows is, she can’t stay and watch, hoping it doesn’t work out. However it turns out, he’s no longer hers. Franco says she doesn’t need to leave because of him. She says she needs to leave because of her. Without him and Oscar, there’s nothing left for her in Port Charles. Franco says, she’s an amazing woman. He wishes he could love her the way she deserves. She says he did once; they both did. She guesses this is goodbye. She cries, and says, goodbye, Chief Andrew Cane. He holds her, and says he loves her. She says she loves him too. He walks to the door, and walks out without turning back. She cries, and says, she always will.
Alexis tells Finn that she’s careful with her diet, and she’s working out with Kendra. Finn asks if she’s gotten any herbs or teas from the internet. She says, the only other thing is the supplement she’s been taking, and she had her doctor check it out. Finn asks if she’d mind if he took a look at it, and TJ says he has a key to the house; he can pick it up. Alexis says, that’s not necessary. She can have Kendra drop some off. Why? Why did she say that? Elizabeth comes in with Alexis’s first dose, and Finn says she’ll feel better in a couple days. She drinks it, and says, tastes like paint, but if it saves her life, she won’t complain. TJ says they still need to uncover how Alexis got exposed. He thinks she probably got it from a restaurant. Finn says he has a hard question. Is there any chance someone poisoned her intentionally?
Lucas tells Obrecht that she has no right to blow up their life. She says that’s not what she wants. She’s never subscribed to the philosophy that the truth will set you free, but he seems like he was raised on that principle. He should thank her for full disclosure. Lucas says her manipulation no longer works. She has nothing to tell him that he doesn’t already know. She says, is that so? His husband has a colorful past. So many highs and lows. She has something to tell him. Brad blows in, and asks, what’s going on? Obrecht says Lucas was lauding Brad’s honesty and disparaging her in the same breath. If his manners don’t improve, he’ll live to regret it, and so will Brad. She walks off, and Lucas asks if that’s a threat. Brad tells him, forget it. She won’t say anything or she’ll be implicated too. It’s over. Lucas says he doesn’t think it is.
Gabriel says Sam paid Brice to arrange Shiloh’s escape, but Diane says the defense admitted an affidavit from Brice’s lawyer. He was in the process of cutting a deal and amending his statement, when he was brutally murdered. The judge says the court has read it, and the statements offset each other. Neither will be counted to weigh more than the other. Gabriel says they only have the testimonies of Sam and Jason. Shiloh can’t give one, and conveniently, there were no security cameras. Perhaps Sam arranged that so she could kill him, and fabricate a story of attempted assault. Diane says, seriously? Hearsay and speculation. Gabriel says they haven’t offered once ounce of tangible proof, and the judge says, point taken, but she’s warned him. Gabriel says Sam shot Shiloh in the back, not to save Jason, but to snuff out a man she despised. Shiloh deserves his day in court. She took his life, and should be held accountable. Jason’s arrest record proves he was anything but defenseless. Judge Madrigal says she’s heard what she needs to hear. There will be a short recess before she gives her ruling. Spinelli tells Sam and Jason, everyone is in good health, but he has an emergency, and has to leave. His heart is with Sam. Sam asks Jason what he thinks. Is it going to go in her favor?
Alexis says she can’t think of anyone who would want to poison her except Helena, and she’s dead. She supposes Helena could have left posthumous instructions. TJ wonders if it could be a disgruntled client, or the family member of someone Alexis had put away. Finn tells Alexis to rest and let the medicine do its job. They’ll deal with the rest later. He leaves, and TJ starts to go, but Alexis says, not so fast, you. He saved her life. She thanks him, and he says he’s glad she’s okay. He’ll call Molly and let her know. She tells him to make sure to tell Molly about his role in it, or she will. He says he’ll check on her later. When he’s gone, she gets a text from Kendra asking how she is. She texts back, great news. I’m going to recover.
Kim looks around the empty apartment.
Elizabeth is at the reception desk, when Franco walks in. She asks what he’s doing there, and he says he needs to talk to her.
Julian asks the woman, why stay in a place that’s closed? She asks, why did he close it? What’s up with that guy he was talking to? It seemed heated. He says it’s none of her business, but she says she’s a total stranger, and they can be the best listeners. What not take advantage of that?
Brad tells Lucas, back to normal, but Lucas says, every time he turns around, there’s another secret. Brad asks what he means, and Lucas says Obrecht told him she knows the cold, hard facts about Brad and Wiley’s father. What else is Brad hiding?
Sam asks Diane how she thinks it went, but Diane tells her, it’s difficult to say. Sam and Jason were both compelling and straightforward, which works in their favor, but it’s hard to imagine Jason being defenseless. That shouldn’t count, but it can cast doubt. She asks Jason, how many fights he had with Shiloh. Jason says, real fights? Four. Diane asks, what’s a real fight? and Jason says where one of them almost killed the other.
The judge comes back in. She says, after careful consideration of the evidence and testimonies, she’s prepared to make a ruling. Will the defense rise?
Tomorrow, Kim hopes Hayden is as happy there as she was, Lucas asks Brad why everyone is after him, Olivia suggests she and Sonny open something together, and the verdict is read.
27 hours before charter. Brian says he kissed Courtney last night, and Ashton says, sh*t went down. Kate tells Ashton, good morning, lover boy. He asks how they hooked up, but Kate says he put his tongue in her mouth. That’s all that happened, so stop saying that. She loves him, but not that way. In Ashton’s interview, he doesn’t know how that happened, but it wasn’t him; it was Smashton. That’s the way Smashton operates. Kate tells him, get out of here. In Kate’s interview, she says she looks at Ashton as a brother, and she’s not that kind of family. Tanner feels better, like a new person, and says sleep was what he needed. Kate tells Tanner about Ashton kissing her, and he asks how that was. She says, disgusting. Tanner asks Courtney about Brian kissing her, and she says, that never happened. It was a peck. Ashton says they were so cute together, and she says, never going to happen. In Courtney’s interview, she doesn’t know how she feels. She’s a bit picky. Did she cringe, or does she want to kiss him again? Those are the two options. Tasks are given out. Tanner swills water.
Tanner watches Cortney and Simone fold clothes, and jets before he’s asked to help. Simone tells Courtney that she has to stop breathing when Tanner is around. Kate tells Simone that she’ll be on late, so she’ll be helping more with service. She asks what part of service Simone wants to work on, and Simone asks what Kate thinks she needs to work on. Kate asks how she is at opening wine, and Simone goes, uhhh… In Kate’s interview, she says it’s like on a sports team when someone is saying, put me in coach, but she doesn’t want to rush Simone either. Kevin makes up songs in the galley. Kate hands Simone a bottle of wine, and tells her to show her skills. Simon fumbles around. Kate tells her to do it without using the counter. In her interview, Kate says, that Simone doesn’t know how to open a bottle is a little troubling. She said she worked for a year on yachts. No one drank on that boat? Kate shows her how to open the bottle, and they move on to pouring.
Time for the preference sheet meeting. In Simone’s interview, she says most of her experience has been on laundry and housekeeping. She wishes she could get full service instruction. Captain Lee says their new primary is Michael Blackton, who owns a helicopter charter business. He and his closest friends went to Florida State. Kate says she knows people who went there, and the only major is drinking beer. In her interview, she says, no employer goes, wow, when they see Florida State on a resumé. The captain tells them that Michael says the crew isn’t prepared for what’s going to transpire on board. Kate says all they’ll need is red Solo cups. The captain says they want a beach lunch, a college style party with garnet and gold decorations, a pirate day, and they want the crew to come up with another theme dinner of their own creation. It’s going to be full-on. He asks how Tanner is, and Ashton says, he’s 100%. Captain Lee says they need him back. In Ashton’s interview, he says he has a calm exterior, even though inside, he’s pretty nervous. Kate makes a call to get a bunch of pirate stuff. Brian slips on deck, and hurts his knee. Tanner asks Ashton if they’re going to have hats and eye patches and sh*t, and Ashton nods.
Captain Lee watches as Simone irons. She tells him the iron is malfunctioning, and he shows her how to use it. Kate says it’s an honor and a privilege to watch him iron. I actually think it’s sexy. Tanner tells Kate about Brian whacking his knee, and asks how her tongue is doing after the attack. She says it recoiled to the back of her throat.
Ashton wants the boat looking nice and sharp, and the deckhands take care of last minute details. In Brian’s interview, he says he’s not sure what’s happening with his knee; it’s swollen. He can still do his job, but he can’t focus 100%. He hopes the pain goes away soon; he doesn’t need this on deck. The provisions come in, and Courtney says, yay Florida. Brian says his knee is hurting, and everyone gets changed to their whites. Tanner says he’s dripping sweat, and the captain says, four minutes to show time.
Kate brings out gold and garnet leis. As the guests come up to the boat, one says they’re going to get ripped every night, and Michael says, they have no idea what’s coming for them. Captain Lee says he’s not ready for these guys. In his interview, Ashton thinks the girls are beautiful, and it’s going to be a distracting charter. I’m a good bosun. I am a good bosun. The captain tells the guests they have a fun few days planned. Kate will give them a tour of the boat, and they’ll get this party started. Kate does the tour, and anchor is pulled up. One of the female guests wonders when Ashton’s shirt is coming off. Kate describes Michael to Kevin as still being in the fraternity and having a Republican haircut. She puts Courtney on laundry duty. Michael wants to see pirates. I don’t think Captain Sandy would agree that’s a good idea. Kate tells Simone to check on the guests. In Kate’s interview, she says if Simone wants to improve in service, when she says, check on the guests, that doesn’t mean wander around. She didn’t speak to one of them. A guest comes to the galley, and asks for a vodka/Sprite. Kate tells Simone, look at every guest, and ask if she can get them anything. You never want them to have to ask.
Michael is already making all kinds of inappropriate remarks to Simone. Courtney suggests Brian get an actual bandage on his knee, and tells him to stop touching it with dirty fingers. Simone says she wants the guests to be super happy and drinking. Kevin makes ribs, and says, Michael is fantasized [sic] by an American type steakhouse. Tanner asks if Brian is going to text Courtney to marry him. Kevin sings, love is in the air. Kate says Courtney has a glow, and Courtney says that’s because she got some sun. Kate says, he’s the son of someone. Michael says, let’s get loose, and asks when Simone gets to drink. He tells her that he was going to bring his girlfriend, but they broke up before the trip when he found out she was a hooker. He thinks this is pretty funny, while the rest of us just look at him blankly. He grabs Simone’s hand, asking about her ring finger, and guessing her size, telling her, he’s good at that. They arrive in Koh Roi. Simone tells Kevin, the main guy is ugh. In her interview, she says she’s trying to be professional, and Michael is being creepy. Get her out of there.
Kevin tells Kate that he wants to go over to the beach with the food. Ashton explains that he’ll make the initial run with the crew, and while they set out the food, he’ll go back for the guests. In Kevin’s interview, he says he wishes he could trust Kate with the beach picnic, but she’s checked out. We flash back to Kevin looking for Kate the last time. He says she needs to manage better, and he doesn’t trust her with any of the aspects of a beach picnic. I dub Kevin officially insane. He tells Kate that he’s going along because he doesn’t want to make more work for her. Ashton has a meeting with the deckhands, and the tender is put in the water. Captain Lee asks Ashton what Brian did to his leg, and Ashton says, that’s how hard he fell for Courtney the other night. We all laugh. Tanner asks Brian how his knee is, and Brian says, effed up.
Kate gets ready for the picnic, and says, the gang’s all here; Tito, Jack, and Jim. Ashton thinks it’s the hottest day so far. They leave to set up, and one guest asks for a banana daquiri. Simone says she can do it, and then looks it up on her phone. Courtney says, it’s just a daiquiri with bananas in it. Kevin sets up, making Ashton and Tanner change things around from what Kate told them. Ashton says they’ll just do what Kevin wants to do, and Kate says, welcome to her life. In Kate’s interview, she says, usually, she’d like the chef to show up and participate, but Kevin is very OCD, and it makes everything more difficult. Simone conquers the daquiri, and the guest pronounces it delicious. Kevin starts talking about dinner, but Kate wants to deal with lunch first. The guests arrive, and Kate tells them, welcome to lunch. Kevin tells Kate not to forget the salt and pepper, and she says it’s on the table already. In her interview, Kate says, whenever Kevin jumps into the service realm, he’s doing it to overpower her. Kevin needs to stay in his lane, or take over the job fully, and she’ll take a vacation. She tells Simone, practice makes perfect, and to serve the guests so they don’t have to get up.
Courtney doesn’t understand ironing. It just rewrinkles. Tanner tells Courtney, it’s going to be a chill charter for her – until the laundry starts coming in. In Courtney’s interview, she says, it’s like a frat party, but they’re forty. It’s chill, but it’s pretty sad. I think it’s just pretty sad. The guests play in the water. Simone stays to pack up, and the guests return to the boat. Brian tells Simone that guest Kim is hot, and Simone says, Kim is a scorcher. He asks if she has any comments on the guys, and she says, Tanner makes her… and she fans herself. Brian says, he makes her flustered
Kate tells Courtney, tonight it’s garnet and gold forever. And beer pong. In Kate’s interview, she says the guests are having a college-themed party because the college years were the best years of their lives. Anyone still talking about college, peaked in college. It’s embarrassing. She makes Courtney the creative director of Jell-O shots. Ashton gets the slide ready by himself. The guests jump into the water from the side of the boat. Brian says his knee is worse; the pain is intense on the sides. Ashton says Brian’s knee isn’t looking good. In his interview, he says, there’s a massive difference between being one man and two men down. He hasn’t had a full-strength team all season. He’s exhausted. He asks to talk to the captain.
Ashton tells Captain Lee that Brian banged his knee, and it’s swelling. In his interview, the captain says he has to come up with a backup plan in case Brian can’t work. He feels like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. Kevin goes over dinner with Kate. Tanner tells Simone that he thinks he found the coolest spot on the yacht. Simone agrees, and they catch a breeze. One of the guests says she’s trying to get a buzz. She’s way too sober. Tanner tells Simone about Brian’s knee. Michael goes to the galley, and asks Kate where the group shots are. Tanner asks if Simone misses home. She says she misses her grandma, and talks about her all the time. Tanner says his grandpa is his best friend. They have to treat each experience like they don’t want it to be the last one. In Simone’s interview, she says, not only does Tanner have his symmetrical God-given face, he appreciates his grandparents. He asks how old her grandmother is, and she says, ninety-five. In Kate’s interview, she says, Simone is exhibiting all the telltale signs of being a yachty with no experience. If she can hear Simone, the guests can hear her. It’s not Simone’s cruise. She tells Kevin, Simone is having a conversation on the sundeck, and the guests are listening to her life story. Kevin says Simone talks too much. Kate says she’s like a puppy you want to train, but don’t want to break its spirit. Kevin says you need to give it house rules. Everyone looks at the sunset. Kate tells Simone to change into her blacks. The guests get dressed for dinner. Kevin prepares a New York cheesecake.
Kate tells Simone to get the glasses for dinner. Ashton tells Tanner that Simone likes him, and asks if Tanner likes her. Tanner says, that’s dangerous. Kate tells Simone that the guests could hear her talking to Tanner. She was busy making drinks, and didn’t hear what it was about. Should she ask the guests, or does Simone want to tell her? Simone says they were just talking. In Kate’s interview, she says she’s annoyed that Simone is playing that she wants to learn. If she wants to learn, a little less this – she makes a hand gesture for talking – and more of this – she gestures like she’s cleaning something. She tells Simone, if guests are around, be careful.
I just have to interject here. I’m always surprised at how brazen the guests are, like with asking a deckhand to take their shirt off or being forward with a stew. It’s never once crossed my mind to make a pass at any kind of waitstaff or server when they’re technically in my employ. It’s outrageously inappropriate. Does money make people stupid? I had money for five minutes once, but the only inappropriate thing I ever did was take a limo to a Spice Girls concert, and it wasn’t even my idea.
Ashton tells Kate that he’s another man down, and Kate asks, how down is he? Ashton says he needs to rest. As usual, Kate makes a gorgeous centerpiece, using green/gold netting and fairy lights. Kate tells Simone, during service, keep conversation to a minimum. The guests hear everything. A guest says there’s finally a breeze, and Michael says he hasn’t had a BJ this good in years, causing all of us to collectively roll our eyes, and push him off the boat. Okay, I made up that last part. In Kevin’s interview, he says he hasn’t really been around college students before. They’re toasted, and he thinks they’ll be impressed with dinner. Michael talks about playing the drinking game, Never Have I Ever, but never have I ever played that game, nor have I ever been interested in playing. In his bunk, Brian puts a towel over his face.
Tanner and Ashton continue working. Ashton wishes he could go to bed. The captain looks at Brian’s leg, and says it’s going to be a pain in his ass. He’ll probably have to get a doctor. He tells Brian to put ice on it. The guests ask for green tea shots with Red Bull (bleh), and they need them quickly. Simone tells Kate, and Courtney brings some cheesecake to Brian. He asks if she’ll get him some ice, and promises to take her for champagne when the crew goes out. Kate downs one of the shots, and declares it good.
Kevin delivers the cheesecake, singing, once, twice, three times a cheesecake, on the way. Michael toasts to waking up and not getting pissed on. A guest says it’s the best cheesecake they’ve ever had. Michael tells them, it’s college night tonight, and Kate says they have beer pong, and a two-story beer bong. The guests change, and then play beer pong. Simone watches and laughs. Kate tells Courtney the laundry is looking good. Courtney says, it’s a nice change, but it’s boring. Kate asks her to help Simone for a while. These people really are acting like they’re in college. I’m embarrassed. Michael messes with the kayak that’s hanging on the side of the boat.
Ashton tells Michael, no. Please don’t do that. In his interview, Ashton says, what the hell does Michael think he’s doing? He’s beyond drunk, and he’ll snap the kayak, and himself. Michael says Ashton is effing up his kayak experience, but commends Ashton on saying it properly. He puts his arm around Ashton, and Ashton says at least he got the message. Simone tells Courtney that she’ll finish up. Ashton puts the slide away by himself. Brian tosses and turns in pain.
Kate asks Kevin to practice his pirate talk. He says, arghhh! Kate says, yay! Pirate day! It’s not the most gentile, elegant thing, but she can play along. Shiver me timbers. Arghhh! In Brian’s interview, he says his knee is worse. He couldn’t sleep, but he’s not the type of person who can do nothing, especially since he’s lead deckhand. He feels guilty. Ashton looks at Brian’s knee, and in his interview, he says he tried having a positive mindset, but he needs to deal with the fact that he might lose Brian. One of the guests is stoked that it’s pirate day. Kate tells Kevin that she can only use one hand. When he asks, why? she says she only has one, and shows him the hook prop on her other one. I actually have one of those because we did Peter Pan one year for Halloween.
Kate tells Kevin that she’s a leprechaun pirate. Captain Lee tells Ashton, be ready to rock and roll at 8:30. Kate gives the captain a gentle reminder that it’s pirate day. He says, them’s that dies be the lucky ones, and she says, totally. They pull anchor. Kate tells Courtney, she looks like she’s a lame not-team player. She’s working with a hook. She says it’s Courtney’s last chance to choose her own outfit or she will. The captain asks about Brian, and says if he sees his ass up and around, he’ll have his ass. He gives Ashton the helm, and says he has a new deckhand coming. Brian is so close to being down, he wants to get her on board. In his interview, Captain Lee says, when you’re shorthanded, you run the risk of injury. It’s dangerous, and they can’t continue down this road. Ashton asks if he can look at a copy of the deckhand’s CD, and the captain says he already knows her. It’s Ryleigh. In Ashton’s interview, he says, you have to be effing kidding. Captain Lee says they’ll see if she learned anything.
This season, elephants; Captain Lee tells the crew that some of them aren’t getting his two rule message – don’t embarrass themselves or the boat; Ryleigh says she’s back, bitches; Ashton isn’t ready for this; Ryleigh says she’ll make Brian forget Courtney; Kevin says it’s getting heated; Alexis Bellino is a guest; a guest calls Kate a bitch; a nasty child; Kate hopes the boat sinks, and a cat in a snuggly.
📺 Tonight, I also watched a rerun of Watch What Happens Live, the Bravocon edition, aka WWHL at Bravocon. While I still wish I could have gone, holy! it was crowded. During the show, Andy basically trotted out all the Bravolebrities, so there was a massive amount of people on stage as well, but I can’t imagine even standing in an autograph line with this many people. You would have needed some kind of VIP ticket just to survive, and I’ve been to crowded conventions. I loved seeing LVP, joining the Vanderpump Rules cast, along with Puffy. She looked like the princess she is. I’ll never give up wishing she’d adopt me. Even with all my dogs, her house is so huge, she’d never even know I was there if she didn’t want to. And I’d treat her so much better than Cedric, or whatever the hell his name was. That POS from the first season of RHOBH. The highlight was Andy introducing Kim Zolciak, and not knowing the words to Tardy for the Party, but singing along anyway. You know. Like you do in the car. They played Squash That Beef, and Ramona had to go up quite a few times. Shep, Jax, and Vicki won the drawing for the shotski. The whole thing must have been insane.
👓 I also checked out Blind Date, and was not impressed. The premise is exactly what you’d think, watching a blind date, but stupid pop-ups are scattered throughout. Dating: No Filter (on E!) is a thousand times better. I think the narrator for Blind Date might have been the same person who narrates the Olive Garden commercials, since for a moment, I thought the couple went to Olive Garden when I was looking at an ad. I give it a D-.
🚣 Because It’s Stuck In My Head Now…