Tag Archives: Here Comes the General

July 10, 2019 – Oscar’s Will Is Read, the Return of Ashley, a Life Well-Acted & Rise Up


dWhat I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

At the MetroCourt, Sasha is about to renew her gym membership on her phone, deciding between monthly and yearly, when Shiloh walks up and says, hi there. She asks if she can help him, and he says he was about to ask her the same thing. She says she’s fine, and she’s waiting for someone. He says she seems troubled. He sits, introducing himself, and holds out his hand. Michael comes out of nowhere, and knocks him off of his chair, telling him, back off.

Mac asks Chase how Willow is. Chase says she’s doing as best she can. Max wishes there was another way. He sees Robert, and says maybe this is a good omen.  Robert says he’s meeting with a client. Sam arrives and says it’s her. She has evidence against David Henry Archer, aka Shiloh.

Jason goes to Sonny’s office. Sonny asks why he’s not in the safe house, and he says he’s just checking in. Sonny say Jason can’t be walking around. He’s considered a fugitive. Jason says, not for long. Brick comes in, and asks if it’s Jason who’s relocating, but Jason says his situation is about to be resolved. Sonny asks if Brick has everything, and Brick tells him, take a look. Sonny says, birth certificate, social security, driver’s license. Jason asks, who’s getting a new identity?

Cameron sees Dev outside Sonny’s house, and says he’s picking up Josslyn. The reading of Oscar’s will is today. Dev says it must be tough for them; he’s sorry. Inside, Josslyn gives Carly some juice. Carly asks if Josslyn has joined the green juice brigade, and Josslyn says Sonny wants her to drink the whole thing before she leaves; there’s tons of kale in it. Carly sarcastically says, thanks, and Josslyn says they want to make sure the baby is okay. Carly thanks Josslyn for real, and asks, what about her? Today is going to be hard. Carly asks if Josslyn wants her to come along to the Quartermaine’s.

Alexis asks If Monica needs help setting up. Ned and Olivia come in, and Ned tells Monica he said he’d handle it. Monica says she needs to keep busy. If she doesn’t, she’ll think about how much the family has lost.

Kim sees Drew at Oscar’s Meadow. She thinks they should probably talk before the will reading. She doesn’t know how much he remembers. He says he remembers she drugged him because she wanted to conceive a child to replace Oscar. Did he miss anything?

Shiloh says Michael just attacked him. Michael says he tripped; how clumsy. He tells Shiloh, be careful. Next time he might break his neck. Shiloh asks if Michael is threatening him. Michael says he didn’t, and Sasha says she didn’t hear any threat. He did sit down uninvited, which she interpreted as an unwanted advance.

Chase tells Robert and Mac that Carol took the blame for giving Douglas Miller the drugs that killed him. Sam says Carol lied to cover for Shiloh. He has too much influence in Beecher’s Corners, and has the PD wrapped around his little finger. Carol wears an ankle monitor, and they’ll have to get a subpoena to bring her to Port Charles to give an official statement. Robert says it might not be as easy as they think.

Josslyn tells Carly that she’d rather go by herself. Carly doesn’t want her to be alone, but Josslyn says she won’t be. Cameron comes in, and says he’s going with Josslyn. He asks if she’s ready, and she says ready as she’ll ever be. Carly tells them to text if they need anything. They leave, and Carly turns around to see a smiling Dev.

Sonny tells Jason the kid helped him and Dante in turkey. Dev came to Port Charles to find him, and got mixed up. Jason says, he came all the way from Turkey? Sonny says, Raj wanted him dead, and he had to flee. Brick is helping him fix things. Jason looks over the papers, and says, good work. Brick says, the best for the boss. Jason says, Sonny is making the kid part of his family? and Sonny says, keeping him close is the safest move. Brick says he’ll be the grandson of Mike’s cousin. Jason asks where Dev is going to live, and Sonny says at his house. Jason asks if he’s sure that’s a good idea.

Alexis says, there’s no way to tactfully say it, so, no fighting. Oscar didn’t want the family fighting. Ned says, they’re Oscar’s last wishes, so they won’t fight. He asks if Alexis found Jason, but she says, he’s off the grid again. She tells them, he doesn’t have to be present for the reading. Olivia asks how many people are expected, but Alexis doesn’t know. She’d delegated the details to her assistant.

Kim tells Drew, nothing happened. Not that it excuses her behavior. Drew says, it doesn’t. He’s worried about her. What she did crossed the line. Why? She doesn’t know, and says she’s so sorry. She doesn’t know how it got to this point. Drew says he does. She couldn’t take no for an answer, and took matters into her own hands, trying to conceive a child with him without his consent. She says she’s disgusted with herself, and grateful Julian came in and stopped her. She tells Drew that she’s ready to deal with the consequences. He asks what she means, and she says she could be arrested for what she did. She could lose her medical license, but she takes full responsibility. If he wants to press charges, she understands.

Sam asks Robert why they can’t just use Carol’s statement. Mac says, Shiloh clearly convinced Carol to lie. Robert says he’s with them, but he has to argue it before a judge. Sam says Carol was forthcoming. It’s her own voice, and she used her own words. Robert says, the judge might interpret it as hearsay, but Sam says there’s no doubt about Carol’s involvement in the cover-up, and the statement is from Carol firsthand. It’s not like there’s a third party involved. Robert says, unfortunately, there is. Mac asks, who? and Robert says, Sam.

Shiloh says Sasha misinterpreted his actions. He’s sorry. He tries to explain himself, and Sasha cuts him off, saying she doesn’t care. She doesn’t know him, and doesn’t want to know him. Michael tells him, run along before he has to ask the manager to throw him out. Shiloh jets, and Michael says what Sasha did was a thing of beauty. She says Michael knocked him off his butt. She just gave him a verbal smackdown. She assumes he’s the guy bothering Willow, and Michael explains that Shiloh runs a cult in Port Charles, and his sister was briefly involved. He recruits young women, but Sasha saw through that. She says she just thought he was hitting on her. Never in a million years. Even if she wasn’t… Michael says, wasn’t what? and she says, even if she wasn’t already with him.

Drew tells Kim that he’s not pressing charges. She says he’s well within his rights, but he says she needs to get help, and he wants her to concentrate on that. She says he’s right. She had a session with Dr. Massey this morning. She has a long way go to get better, but she wants to. She wants to be okay, and feel like herself again. He’s sure she will. He says, no matter what happens, Oscar is their son, and they’re forever bonded because of that. She cries a little, and he says they don’t want to be late. They should get going. She says, okay, and thanks him.

At the Quartermaine’s, Josslyn says it’s weird being there without Oscar. Olivia asks how she’s holding up. Josslyn thinks she’s okay. Monica asks how the reception was, and Cameron says, Obrecht went overboard. She claims she was pushed. His aunt also came back. Monica says, Sarah? but he says, Hayden. Alexis says, that ought to throw Finn. Monica says that’s not the word she’d use, and Cameron says he takes it Hayden isn’t her favorite person. Monica is worried what trouble Hayden will bring to the hospital.

Jason gets that Sonny owes Dev a debt, but Brick has already given him an airtight identity. Brick says Jason has a point. Jason says he can make other arrangements. There’s a knock at the door, and Carly brings Dev in. She says she’s dropping him off on her way to work.

Sam tells Robert, she’s not the one making the statement. It’s Carol’s story in her own words. Robert says Sam recorded it. There’s no context, and no proof there wasn’t coercion. The judge might think she was held at gunpoint. Sam suggests Robert subpoena Carol if he has to, and bring her to the judge. Chase asks why they’re wasting time. They have proof. Shiloh coerced Carol; she explicitly stated that he was responsible. Robert asks Mac to take a walk with him, and let Chase calm down. Sam says Chase losing his cool isn’t helping Willow. He doesn’t feel like they’ve done enough. What the hell is the point of being on the right side of the law, when they’re putting the wrong people behind bars?

Michael tells Sasha that he feels they’ve progressed, and he’s not complaining. She says her neither. Maybe they should skip breakfast, or better yet, order room service. He says he’d love to, but he’s on the way to his cousin’s will reading. She says she’s sorry; it must be tough. He says Oscar made them promise, no tears. It’s good to see her though, even if it’s for a little while. He was thinking about getting away for a little bit; getting out of town for a few days. She says, like the Martha’s Vineyard trip? And he says, but for longer, and further away. And no business meetings. He asks her to come with him. She doesn’t know, and he says he knows her time in Port Charles is limited. She says, who knows? A lot can change between now and her mom’s wedding.

Drew and Kim arrive at the Quartermaine’s. He thanks Monica for hosting, and Monica says it’s not easy, but they’re all in this together. Olivia asks how Kim is holding up, and Kim says she’s just getting through the day. She goes into the living room. Josslyn looks at a box, and Alexis says they’re personal items that Oscar left behind for everyone. Josslyn says, Oscar was so full of plans and ideas. There were so many things that interested him. Places he wanted to visit, and things he wanted to learn. Now all that’s left is in that box. Kim listens.

Carly hugs Brick, and Sonny introduces Brick and Jason to Dev. Sonny says Jason is like family, and Carly says if Dev needs anything, he can trust Jason. She leaves for work. Sonny tells Dev that Brick was nice enough to produce documents for him. He wants Dev to look them over. Dev says, a birth certificate, social security, and driver’s license; thank you. Sonny says Dev can start thanking him by memorizing the details. Brick says he wants to make sure his answers are as natural as possible, and takes Dev out to practice. Sonny asks what Jason thinks. Jason thinks there are a lot of ways to provide for Dev, but Sonny doesn’t have to let him move into the house. Sonny says, it’s a big house, but Jason says, what about Avery, Josslyn, and the new baby. It’s generous, but maybe he needs to consider how Dev fits in with the people who already live there.

Jason sits in his Thinker position. Sonny knows it will be a hard adjustment. Dev has been through a lot, and needs stability. Jason asks how much Sonny knows about Dev. Sonny knows Dev saved his life, and Jason says it’s a great reason to help him, but not move him in. What about Dev’s family. Are they alive? Dead? Is someone after them? He has different experiences and comes from a different world. Sonny can drill him until he can recite everything in his sleep, but he still has a past Sonny knows nothing about. Sonny appreciates what Jason is saying, but he needs to help Dev. He owes Dev, and sees potential. I’m wondering if Jason is jealous in some way.

Sam tells Chase maybe she’ll give Diane a call. Chase wonders how she can help, and Sam says, some sort of legal maneuver. Chase says Willow is jailed, and they can’t get Carol, their potential witness. Sam says maybe Diane can get the judge to issue a subpoena as part of Willow’s defense. She tells him that she’s going to get going, and he thanks her for going above and beyond. She says she’d do anything to see that bastard get his after what he’s done to Kristina and Wiley. Kristina is her sister, and Wiley is her godson, which makes him family. And she’ll do anything to make sure her family is protected.

Carly tells Sasha, whatever she wants, it’s on the house. Sasha appreciates it, and Carly asks if she can join her. Sasha says, of course (🍷), adding, it’s nice when someone asks. Carly says, that’s cryptic, and Sasha tells her, some jerk sat right down and started making personal remarks. Carly says she’s sorry. The staff shouldn’t have let them… Sasha says, Michael ran him off. For a nice guy, he has a side you don’t want to mess with. Carly says it’s perceptive of her to notice. Michael is kind and non-judgmental, but can’t be pushed. Sasha likes that about him, and the more she gets to know about him, the more she likes him.

Michael arrives at the will reading, and sits with Josslyn and Cameron. Alexis thanks them for coming, and says Oscar knew his time was limited, and also knew his love for them was infinite. She’s already gone over practical matters, but Oscar wanted to share some personal mementos with them. She gives them the standard beginning of a will, and reads, sorry for sounding so formal. Alexis said he had to be, in order to make it stick, and it’s important that it sticks. What he’s leaving behind is the only way to tell them how important they are to him.

Sonny tells Jason, Dev was dealt a bad hand. He’s a fighter, and took control of his life. Sonny is thinking with a home and family, he can get Dev on track. Jason says, what if it doesn’t work? and Sonny says, he’d rather keep Dev close, where he can protect him. Jason’s phone rings, and he says he has to take it. He answers, saying he was hoping to hear from them.

Alexis continues to read. Oscar thanks Ned and Olivia for welcoming him into the family. They both inspired him to pursue music and express himself. He’s leaving his keyboard in his room, and wants them to give it to Leo. He knows Leo has a little one, but thinks he’s ready for the real deal. Music runs in the family. Ned says, yes, it does. Olivia tells them, Oscar said no tears, but he’s making it difficult. Alexis reads, Michael was the first person to welcome him, while everyone else was arguing about shares or something. He showed Oscar the darkroom AJ built in the basement. He’s no professional, but thinks he got some good shots when no one was looking. Alexis hands Michael a framed photo of himself with Wiley. Alexis moves on to Monica. His grandma convinced him life was worth fighting for, and showed him the ins and outs of Port Charles. He wishes he had lived long enough to give her a tour of his hometown. The best he can do is give her this book. He’s flagged pages, and written in pointers, and if she ever has a chance to go to Cleveland, take it with her, and think of him. Monica guesses she knows where she’s going on her next vacation. Alexis says, Oscar says Cameron got his license first, even if he screwed up. Oscar is partially to blame, and wants to give Cameron some compensation. Alexis takes out some car keys, and says her instruction is to toss them to him. She does, and Cameron tears up. Me too. Alexis resumes, saying Josslyn told Oscar. life is about the journey, not the destination. Just because you don’t know where you’re going, doesn’t mean you’re lost. She gave him this, and he’s giving it back. May it guide her on her next adventure, wherever she goes. No matter what, he’s on her side. Alexis gives Josslyn the compass. Josslyn says she can’t do this, and runs out.

Sasha tells Carly that she and Michael aren’t official, and Carly says she’s not butting in. It’s just that they’ve barely said two words to each other, and she’d like to get to know the young woman who makes her son happy. Sasha says they agreed to be casual. Partly because her plans are in the air. Carly says she thought Sasha was going back to Chappaqua after the wedding. Sasha says it’s been great getting know Nina, and Carly is sure Nina will be sad to see her go, but she’s sure Sasha has a big life waiting for her. Sasha says, sure, but Carly says that doesn’t sound enthusiastic. Sasha says she had a job, but not a purpose, and Carly asks what’s stopping her from finding a purpose there?

Chase tells Sam that he’s worried. In the rush to protect Wiley, no one is looking out for Willow. She asks if he isn’t, but he says she’s been detained. She’ll stay as long as she has to, to protect her son, and he’s worried. Sam hopefully they can get Carol on record. The murder investigation will be reopened, and Shiloh will spend the rest of his life prison. Then it won’t matter if he knows about Wiley.

Carly say she knows how Sasha feels – stalled. She stalled a few times. She grew up in Florida, and didn’t have much purpose. Sasha asks what brought her to Port Charles, and Carly says she was tracking her biological mother. She’s sure Sasha did better with Nina than she did. Long story. When the dust settled, she found more than a purpose. She found a home. Maybe Sasha’s purpose is right in front of her. Carly hopes she hasn’t said too much. She’s going back to work. Sasha thanks her, and says it was nice talking to her. Carly hopes they do it again soon. She renews her gym membership for a year.

Dev and Brick come back to Sonny’s office. Brick says Dev is a quick study. Dev gives Sonny his deets, and Brick tells him, never recite your driver’s license. No one knows it by heart, and they’ll be suspicious. And he needs to wait for people to ask where he’s from. Don’t blurt it out. He suggests Dev do a deep dive into Bridgeport. The more he knows, the better. Brick leaves, and Dev says, when he came, he knew it was a long shot, but Sonny has done more than he ever imagined. He can’t thank Sonny enough. Sonny says, that’s what friends are for.

At Oscar’s meadow, Josslyn looks at the compass, and flashes back to when she gave it to Oscar. He says he loves it, and loves her. Cameron finds her, and says he thought she might be there. Is she okay? She says, no. She gave Oscar this compass so he’d never get lost, but he won’t find his way home this time. Cameron puts his arm around her, and she puts her head on his shoulder.

Michael tells the others that Cameron is with Josslyn at the park. Alexis says they can take a break, but Michael thinks they should continue. Monica agrees. Alexis says, to Drew, dad. He and Josslyn stole this glass to run the DNA test. He knows it violated Drew’s privacy, but he’s glad they did it, since it proved Drew is his dad. He figured in time, he’d give it back. Alexis gives Drew a shot glass, and reads, he’s sorry he never made it to Kilimanjaro. He loves Drew. Monica says Oscar would have been so proud of them for going. Alexis says, to mom. There’s literally nothing he can give her to show how much he loves and appreciates her sacrifices. She got him Mr. Bear when he was scared on the first day of preschool. Alexis gives her a loved-on stuffed toy. Alexis says, Kim always found ways to make him feel happy and safe. He knows she’d say it’s her job, but this is proof that she’s great at it. She was the best. Kim tries to hold her tears back. Alexis says, now for the distribution of ELQ shares. Oscar leaves the voting shares to… Ned says, what is it?

Mac tells Sam and Chase that jurisdiction matters. Robert says they need a corroborating witness, and they don’t have one. Chase says he should have known. He’s going to check on Willow. It is the law, after all. Someone has to. Robert says he wants this to work, but he can’t do anything without a witness. Sam says she can’t find one – Jason comes in – but he can. Mac says there’s an APB out for him, but Jason says he’s surrendering himself. He’s bringing them a witness who will bury Shiloh.

Ned tells Alexis to just let them know who got the shares. They promised not to fight. She says she’s releasing them from that promise, and Monica asks, how bad is this?  Alexis reads that Oscar has decided to leave the shares to somebody who helped him when he needed a roof to sleep under. I say, oh no! out loud, like, three times. She reads, he’ll use it to take care of other people. Shiloh walks in, and says, hello, everyone. How is everything? And of course (🍷) he smirks.

Tomorrow, Hayden tells Finn they should move on, Franco questions Obrecht about Wiley’s father, Harmony is ready to tell the truth, and Shiloh asks Kim if she wants to second guess her son’s last wishes.

Southern Charm

Everyone interacts with their pets. Lil Craig is the cutest.

Eliza answers the phone at Meeting Street Inn. Mom Susan comes in bearing food. In Eliza’s interview, she says, it’s a lot to handle. She comes from one of the oldest families in Charleston, and people hate her off the bat. They assume she’s a spoiled polo brat, but her family owns three hotels, and she’s been working in them her whole life. One day, she’s going to inherit the properties, and she’s learning every aspect. You name it, she’s there. Susan comments that the sofas are early funeral parlor, and Eliza says they’re getting them recovered. She remarks that Eliza’s nails need to be redone. In her interview, Eliza says Susan is a Southern mom all the way. She’s a proper Southern belle, and if Eliza has chipped nail polish, she tells Eliza she looks dirty. Eliza tells Susan that she was going to have a fox hunt this weekend, but the weather is looking dicey. She already sent out invites, so she’s changed it to a skeet shoot/Southern brunch. Susan asks if she can at least date someone closer to her age, since boyfriend Don is fourteen years her senior. Susan admits she’s not good at picking men, and wonders if Eliza is looking for a father figure. Eliza tells her, stop right there. In her interview, Eliza tells us that Susan has the idea she should marry into a family like the Limehouses, but her own marriage was a big mistake. No thanks. Her dating Don threw her mother for a loop. He’s from Jersey and a wildcard. Nothing about him fits the mold. She’s sick of the double-standard that women should marry, have children, go to church, and take care of their husbands. She tells Susan she likes Don, and doesn’t agree. Susan says she and Eliza’s father had counseling before they married, and the priest, who was also Chip’s cousin, said maybe they shouldn’t. They should have listened.

Cameran and Naomie meet for a pedicure. Cameran is drinking wine when Naomie gets there, and Naomie says she’s crazy. We flash back to Cameran’s party. Naomie asks if anyone stayed late. Cameran says Craig, Danni, and Kathryn stuck around, and Craig let it all out about her. In a nutshell, he feels like he and Naomie had no closure, and thinks her relationship with Metul is miserable. We flash back to Craig talking stupid. Naomie says, he’s asinine, and Cameran thinks it’s called denial.

Craig meets Shep, who’s walking Lil Craig. Craig says Shep’s dog has a good personality. Shep says he’s confident. He wants to keep Lil Craig warm, and puts him inside his jacket. Shep says Craig was shot out of a cannon at the oyster roast. Craig says he wants to shake Austen sometimes. He had a weird conversation with some of the girls about Naomie not going on the trip because of him. He’s dumbfounded. Well, maybe the first half…

Naomie thinks Craig lives on a different planet, and Cameran asks if she’s had a conversation with him about Metul. Naomie says there’s no point; it’s been over a year. Cameran says he’s hung up on what they had, and he’s convinced Naomie had it better with him. In her interview, Cameran thinks Naomie was Craig’s first love, and it’s hard for him to let go. She tells Naomie it might be therapeutic for her to sit down with him, and explain Metul is he man she sees herself marrying.

Craig tells Shep that he and Naomie never had closure. Shep says the awkwardness after they had so much fun is tragic. In Shep’s interview, he thinks they should look on their time together as a good ride, and cherish it. He tells Craig that he’d never try to interfere in any of his relationships, and wishes him nothing but the best. Craig says he needs to write that down.

Kathryn, Austen, and Chelsea take a barre class. Austen says, namaste, but instructor Jackie says, that’s not what they’re doing. Kathryn thinks Austen would look awesome in a tutu. They start with stretches, and Austen has a hard time. They do pliés, and Austen says, oh my God. Kathryn is feeling it too, and says her legs are on fire. Afterwards, Austen says he feels good. Chelsea is glad he joined them, and asks if he’s getting home by eleven. He says he is, and he likes it sometimes. Kathryn says Craig was going crazy on him, but Austen says they were texting that night like nothing happened. In his interview, Austen says, when women bicker, they go back to 2003, but men have the memory span of a goldfish. Chelsea asks if they’re going to Eliza’s party. Kathryn says her brother is getting married, so she won’t be in town. Chelsea asks if Eliza is friends with Ashley, and Kathryn says, yes. Chelsea says they don’t think she’d show up, do they? Austen does, and Chelsea says they probably shouldn’t have guns. Kathryn says Ashley is the one who shouldn’t have one.

Eliza calls Ashley from the car. Ashley says she’s working, and going out every night. She and Thomas got Botox together. He’s obsessed with her, but she’s just helping him out, since he’s single again. Ashley says they broke up. The allegations changed their life together. They used to travel, and now he can’t leave the state. That made it hard for them. Eliza says she misses Ashley, and wants to see her. She invites Ashley to the brunch, and tells her everyone except Kathryn is coming. In Eliza’s interview, she says she knows what it’s like to be an outcast, and wants to be inclusive. It’s Ashley’s opportunity to make peace with everyone, and Eliza is the only person who can help, since she’s the only one who doesn’t have a problem with her. She tells Ashley she can be her normal self, and not be dealing with the Kathryn issue. In her interview, Eliza says that Kathryn and Ashley are different, but are the same in that their relationships with Thomas took a toll on them. Ashley was sweet when they met. Now she’s a mess.

Cameran is meeting Shep and Naomie for lunch. Shep gets their first, and says, Lil Craig is on a playdate. He’s like a single father. Cameran says now he knows what it’s like. Shep says, before Naomie gets there, what’s the plan? Cameran says she doesn’t want to Craig. Shep tells her that he can say Craig’s past it, but Cameran says he’s not. Does he honestly believe Craig has no feelings for Naomie? Shep thinks Craig knows it’s never going to happen. He grabs a nacho off Cameran’s plate. Naomie joins them, and Shep says Cameran won’t share her nachos. Naomie says he doesn’t ask anyway; he just takes. Cameran says she wants to cut to the chase. She and Shep are there to convince her to come to Colorado. Naomie says Craig needs to be more chill. It’s so over. Shep says he talked to Craig days ago, and he’s happy for her. Naomie says it’s not important enough to make Metul uncomfortable. He said he wouldn’t go on a trip with his ex. Cameran asks if Naomie was single, would she go? Naomie says, yeah, and Cameran says, then it’s not about Craig. Cameran says, it’s a bad way to start a relationship, with… Shep says, parameters. Naomie understands where Metul is coming from. What if the roles were reversed? Cameran says Jason wouldn’t care, and she loves him more for it. Shep says she wants someone who’ll trust her, but Naomie says she’ll never get someone as good as Metul. Shep loves Metul, but tells her not to give up on Cameran’s real 35th birthday. Give Craig a chance.

Whitney comes down to an incredible breakfast spread. Austen joins him, and asks if he’s had any word from Craig. Whitney says, speak of the devil, as Craig walks in. Whitney asks if they’re bosom buddies again, and Craig says they shouldn’t be. Austen shouldn’t listen to the girls. In Austen’s interview, he says he shouldn’t be listening to Craig. Because he did, he’s not with the love of his life. Craig suggests Austen consult an Irish witch. Austen says Craig is an Irish witch, and Craig says he’s Dutch.

Eliza’s party is set up. In her interview, she says she learned her party skills from her mom and grandma. It’s a Southern woman thing. The plantation originally belonged to her grandma’s ancestors, but the house burned down during the Civil War. Not because of the war; it was a candle fire. It was rebuilt on the original ground. She begins to greet guests. Shep brings Lil Craig, and asks his cousin Marcie if he’s trying too hard; it wouldn’t be the first time. Shep introduces Marcie to everyone. Lil Craig plays with Boo, another, bigger, French bulldog. Chelsea says, he’s like the real life Craig. He runs from women who are trying to hump him.

Shep brings out the gun his dad gave when he was a little boy, and stashes Lil Craig with someone else. Skeet shooting is readied. Shep gets one on the first shot, and everybody does pretty well. Whitney orders green juice and whiskey. It’s unclear if he means in the same glass, which would be disgusting. Austen doesn’t do so well shooting. Cameran asks Craig if they can talk. She asks if he remembers what he said at her party. He says what they were telling him elicited a reaction. At the drink wagon, Naomie tells Austen that she wants to talk to Craig and get it over with. Craig tells Cameran that he was hammered, and she says, when you’re drunk, the truth comes out. Naomie approaches Craig, and Cameran tells them, go talk. They walk away, and Chelsea wonders if they can hide behind a tree and listen.

Craig tells Naomie that he had no idea her not wanting to go on the trip was a real thing. He’d hate to be the reason for her missing it. She has eight other friends going. If she reconsiders, he won’t bother her. She says, it’s a respecting thing. It would be a slap in face to Metul, because Craig isn’t over it. Craig insists he is, but she says she’s heard it over and over. Craig tells her that’s not what he said. What he said was they didn’t have normal closure; they just walked away. We flash back to their final discussion, where Naomie had enough, and did walk away. She says, a year ago, she was depressed and angry. She thinks he’s in a similar place. Craig agrees, and says he hasn’t figured out how to fill the void. He takes his mind off stuff by going out. Naomie wonders why he doesn’t deal with things head on, and he says he doesn’t know how. He tells her, it obviously took him a while to come to terms with it, but he’s happy for her. In Craig’s interview, he says he didn’t realize it would be this tough. Running into Naomie and Metul reminds him of what he used to have. He felt like their chapter was left open, even though they were writing new books, but now they can close the chapter. That part of their lives is over for good. Naomie says it’s been nice talking to him like a normal person. She’s gotten more out of this conversation then the last two hundred conversations combined.

Scotty dogs play one the terrace, and a band tunes up. Everyone plays games, eats, and drinks. Cameran asks when Ashley is coming, and Eliza wonders who spilled the beans? She tells them, it’s a Christian thing. She likes to forgive and forget. In her interview, she says she worried about inviting Ashley, since she’s finally in a good spot with everyone, but she believes in forgiveness and making peace. Cameran says Ashley said nasty things about Whitney’s mother. Eliza says she didn’t know that. Whitney says she did, but she insists she didn’t.

Here she comes. I hear Here Comes the General from Hamilton in my head.

Naomie says, no way, and walks away from table. Chelsea suggests she hide under it. Craig and Shep meet her on the walkway. Shep says hello, but Craig jets. Naomie tells Chelsea that he left skid marks.  Craig pretends to talk to the staff at the food table. Ashley goes over to Eliza. Austen moves leaves with Whitney. In her interview, Danni says she had a good first impression of Ashley, but she was really wrong. Really, really wrong. We flash back to the ferry ride during the trip to Hilton Head, where Ashley and Thomas terrorized the girls.

At the drink station, Shep asks if Ashley is still with Thomas, and she says he’s diving right into it. It was the worst year of her life. She says she needs a cocktail first, and gets one. She tells Shep that she’s not with Thomas anymore. He introduces her to Marcie. Naomie wants Austen to go with her to get a drink; she’s scared. He says he is too. In her interview, Naomie says, Ashley is crazy. If you’re not scared of her, you should be. Whitney offers to get the drinks. Ashley says, good seeing you, and Whitney says she talked sh*t, unfairly, about his mother. Ashley tells him that she could say the same for Patricia. She’s almost eighty – <gasp!> she went there – and Ashley thinks she should know better. In Whitney’s interview, he says Ashley insists on besmirching his mother’s reputation with conspiracy theories. We see a clip from the reunion where Ashley insisted it was Patricia who turned her against Kathryn. Whitney says she’s delusional, and Ashley says, same. Patricia made her life hell, and she has nothing kind to say about her. She doesn’t want get into it. Over at the tables, Shep says Eliza is also to blame, but he’s not talking clouds on a sunny day. I like that! He says he’s going to have fun.

Ashley sits next to Danni, and kisses her cheek. I think it’s all Danni can do not to wipe it off. At another table, Eliza says she hasn’t had any bad experiences with Ashley. Naomie says Ashley called her a bitch in front of an entire restaurant. Danni says she was Ashley’s friend, and she doesn’t think Ashley was very good to Kathryn. Ashley says she’s a nurse, but still needs to empathize more. She’s sorry she hurt Kathryn. The other Madison, owner of Gwynni’s, points out how Ashley trashed everyone on social media. Ashley acts like it was in the past, and Madison says it was two weeks ago. Ashley says she doesn’t want to get into it, so Madison should keep her mouth shut. It has nothing to do with her. Madison says they’re friends with Kathryn, and Ashley is talking about her. Danni asks if Ashley just told Madison to keep her mouth shut. Ashley babbles some total nonsense, and says she just wants to find peace, and they’re making it bad. Why even bring this up? Madison says because they’re close to Kathryn. Ashley says that’s who she needs to speak to. Danni says Kathryn isn’t going to do that, and Ashley says she’ll write her a letter. She leaves to get another drink. Madison asks if they’re in The Twilight Zone.

Eliza goes over to Danni’s table, and says they must hate her, since she invited Ashley. Madison says, no one is mad at her. Eliza says she wanted to give Ashley the opportunity to make peace. Ashley moves on to Chelsea’s table. She says Chelsea has a puppy (Lil Craig) in her hands, so she figured it would be safe. Cameran asks if Ashley is still living there, and Ashley says she is; she loves it. Wasting no time (probably since she has so little free time), Cameran asks why Ashley tweeted that they were all losers? Ashley tells Cameron that she’d said Ashley was a horrible person. We flash back to the reunion, when Cameran called Ashley a horrible human being. Cameran says Ashley called Kathryn an egg donor. That’s pretty effing bad. Shep and Craig are doing some fishing, and Craig says it figures Austen is with the girls. Ashley tells them that Patricia is the one who talked smack about Kathryn, and she respected Patricia, and thought Patricia can’t be lying. In her interview, Ashley says Patricia made Kathryn her enemy. We flash back again to the reunion, where Ashley said Patricia didn’t want Thomas to get back with Kathryn again. Chelsea tells her, if she’s there for Eliza, go sit with her. Ashley says she’s not asking them to lunch, but she wants to be civilized. She’s just saying hello. Chelsea says when Ashley ran into Naomie, she called Naomie a bitch. Ashley says, rumors, and Austen says, Madison was there. Ashley says she called Naomie a bitch because she was one. Madison says if Ashley is trying to make it right, calling someone a bitch doesn’t work. Ashley says she’s right. She should have just walked away from the bitch. Eliza wonders if she needs to ask Ashley to leave. She’s got it.

Chelsea tells Ashley that she can’t be calling people bitches, and expect them to be nice. Ashley asks why Chelsea’s friend isn’t nice to her? They restaurant was empty. Chelsea says she would have waited until Naomie was done with dinner to call her a bitch. In her interview, Eliza says she did not intend for this to happen. She knows Ashley is in survival mode, but she’s digging a bigger hole for herself, and making her look like an idiot. Ashley agrees she shouldn’t have done that, and says she has so many regrets. She just wants to say she’s sorry.

Austen calls Naomie over. Chelsea says, well… and Ashley says she wishes it had been different. They might have been friends and had fun together. Austen isn’t buying her crocodile tears. Naomie says Ashley called her a bitch, and Austen says she just called them losers. It’s impossible to believe anything she says. Ashley says she’s not talking to him. She doesn’t care about them. Craig tells Shep, it takes a certain amount of crazy to even show up. Shep says he’s incredulous. Ashley says she just wanted to be friendly to Naomie. Naomie says she was in a restaurant, and Ashley called her a bitch in front of her friends. Ashley now says she was joking, making me wonder just where on the insanity scale she falls. She’s gone just about everywhere possible with her reasoning. She tells Naomie that she had only good intentions. Naomie says, no. Ashley came up to her while she was eating, and wanted a hug. When Naomie said she wasn’t giving her a hug, she called Naomie a huge bitch. Austen says, that’s pretty on brand. Eliza says she tried, and it’s all she can do.

Whitney tells Kathryn they have a different interpretation of events, Cameran invites Madison (Austen’s ex) on the trip, Chelsea says she has a bigger d*ck than Craig, and welcome to Denver.

💥 A Final Farewell To the High Priest Maax…

Or Malox as I’ve often called him. While Rip Torn did it all, I’ll always remember him as the villain in The Beastmaster.


👂 Because I Can’t Get It Out Of My Head…