Tag Archives: Kim Zolciak

November 18, 2019 – Sam’s Hearing Concludes, Fraternity On Deck, WWHL Presents Bravocon, Blind Date Bore & More Pirates


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the first few minutes, and hope this isn’t indicative of the week.

Kim asks if Franco is ready start their new life. He says he’s very sorry, but he can’t leave Port Charles with her after all. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!!!

Alexis asks if TJ is saying that she somehow ingested rat poison. There’s an antidote, right? Elizabeth comes in with Finn, and asks how Alexis is feeling. Finn says her blood pressure has dropped to its lowest point, and Alexis says it probably shot up after she heard TJ’s theory. TJ says her symptoms are consistent with thallium poisoning. Finn says, it’s been banned for decades, but TJ suggests they run tests to be on the safe side, and Finn agrees.

Kim tells Franco that she doesn’t understand, and asks if it’s about slowing down. He says, that’s not it, and she asks, why stay in Port Charles? She saw Monica, and Monica understands. He says, it has nothing to do with Monica, and she asks if it’s about Elizabeth and the boys. He says, it’s about Franco, and what Franco did for him when they were kids.

Julian flashes back to Kim saying he was never her Charlie. That man never existed. It was him pretending to be someone he’ll never be. A woman (let’s just say it, Brook Lynn) asks if he’s working today. She wants a black Russian. He says he’ll get someone to help, and she says, or he could pour it himself. Unless he has something better to do.

Brad says he didn’t know Lucas spoke to Julian, and Lucas says, yesterday. He was with Julian when Brad called. Once Brad said Charlotte had been abducted by Cassandra, it slipped his mind. Julian just made excuses about how he was protecting him and Wiley from Brad’s shady dealings. Brad says he was set up, and Lucas says, in reality, the only person they needed protection from Julian. Julian is nothing to him. If they see him when they’re out somewhere, they’re going to turn the other way. He’s sorry Brad got set up. It seemed like he and Julian were getting close, and he knows how that hurts. Brad says, it hurt Lucas too; he’ll miss his father. Lucas says he misses the father who raised him. He doesn’t miss Julian. Lucas’s phone dings, and he says he has to get back to work. Brad says he and Wiley will be waiting.

Diane tells Jason and Sam that they don’t need to debate the evidence. It’s already on record, and Judge Madrigal has a reputation for fairness. The judge comes in, and the bailiff says, court is now in session; the United States vs Sam McCall. The judge asks if they’re ready, and Diane introduces herself as council for the defense. She says they’re ready, but the US attorney seems to have something better to do. Judge Madrigal asks the bailiff if there’s been any word, but he says not that he knows of. Diane says, in light of the no show, she’s asking that all charges be dismissed immediately. Jason makes a face like one of my dogs makes when I have food in my hand.

Diane says, her honor is of course (🍷) familiar with the spurious charge of murder against Sam. She doesn’t use the term spurious lightly. At the time of Shiloh’s death, Jason was definitely unarmed and in imminent danger. The charges against her client were hyper-inflated, and are now outright lies. They say Sam arranged Shiloh’s escape for the sole purpose to kill him herself. Phone records show Sam answered a call from Dev Corbin, who was on the Haunted Star. She went unprepared and unarmed, which is illogical. If she arranged to kill Shiloh, why go unarmed? It makes no sense. Sam never should have been charged and taken from her home, where her two children need her, to spend even one hour to clear her name. It’s a clear-cut case of self-defense. She asks that the charges be dismissed. A man – who looks a lot like Anderson Cooper – runs in, and introduces himself as Gabriel Burke. He apologizes for being late, but he was interviewing the victim’s friends and supporters. They were once homeless and down on their luck, and they’re now thriving. They all tell the same story. If not for Shiloh, they’d be on the street. The man Sam shot in the back and erased from the world was a healer, helper, and hero. We all gag.

Obrecht asks Lucas how Wiley is, and he says she doesn’t even have a vague interest in his son. Brad is finished with her. She says she’s sorry to hear that. He’s been in contact with Britt, and she has an update. He tells her, give it a rest. She’s been blackmailing Brad. She took advantage of him being an anxious new father, and wrote a prescription for him. She took advantage of it, and used Brad to tamper with Sasha’s tests. Obrecht says she doesn’t know if he’s naïve or being deliberately ignorant, but in his eagerness to put the blame on her shoulders, he conveniently ignores what he knows about his own husband. Brad is a liar, and capable of lying to him.

On the phone, Julian tells Lucy that he has the right to keep Olivia’s deposit (he still hasn’t mentioned in what world), and to get her client under control. Brad asks if he’s having a bad day, and Julian tells him, get out. Brad says Julian might want to hear his deal first. Julian says Brad got the best of him this time, but he still has a story to tell, so don’t get cocky. He’s not done. Brad tells Julian, never mention how Wiley fell into his arms again, or Sonny will be over to visit so fast, it will make Julian’s head spin. But he has a more positive reason for visiting. Something that should make Julian happy.

Alexis says she’s sorry she doubted TJ, and TJ says he doubted himself too. Maybe he’s wrong, but her symptoms are specific. He wonders how she might have come in contact with the poison.

Franco tells Kim, Franco sacrificed himself, and his life was damaged irreparably. Despite monumental challenges, Franco rebuilt his life. Franco had a relationship, a family, and a home, until he showed up and took them away. Kim says, Shiloh and that crazy doctor did that. He had no choice. Franco says, Franco sacrificed himself for Cameron, and years before, did the same for him. Kim says if he feels obligated to visit Elizabeth’s family and be a friend to the boys, she’ll accept it. It won’t be easy, but they can stay. She just wants to be with him. He says he wants be with her too, but he can’t. He has nothing but love for her, but he’s going to have the procedure reversed. I say, thank God, and God laughs because these people aren’t real.

TJ says, maybe a local exterminator is using the poison, and Finn asks if Alexis has eaten any take-out. She says, only the usual; Kelly’s, Charlie’s, the Floating Rib, the MetroCourt. None of them would use something like that. Finn says it’s possible an employee had it on their hands. TJ says there would be other cases if that happened. Elizabeth brings back the test results, and Finn says, TJ is right. It’s thallium. Alexis says, now that they know what it is, tell her there’s a cure.

Franco says he’s not trying to hurt Kim, but he has to do right by Franco. He was never meant to be there. Kim says, but he is there. She can touch him and feel him. He says his memories are in another man’s body. A man who saved him when he was too little to save himself. Kim says he can’t. It’s too dangerous, and he could end up in a permanent coma. He says, the last thing Franco said to Cameron was, tell Elizabeth that he’d be back. Kim says, Elizabeth is handling this. Please. She can’t lose him. He says he has to try. He’s no good to her, himself, or anyone else if he doesn’t.

Brad tells Julian that he’s willing to let bygones be bygones. What Julian did was despicable, but not unforgiveable, especially since they were starting to be one big happy family. Julian asks what Brad wants now, and Brad says he’ll ask Lucas to give Julian another chance. Julian asks how he’ll mange that, and Brad says, he’ll have to take it slow; wear Lucas down over time. But Julian has to play his part. Keep his distance, and Brad will make sure he and Lucas are close again. As long as Julian doesn’t even think about exposing the secret about Wiley.

Lucas tells Obrecht to stop playing her twisted mind games. They don’t work; not with him or Brad. He doesn’t trust her, and if she ever tries to blackmail Brad again, he’ll go to the authorities. Obrecht says then she has no choice but to reveal the cold hard facts about Lucas’s husband, and why she was involved.

Judge Madrigal says Gabriel was late, and now he’s grandstanding. It’s a bench trial, not the theater. The only important thing she’ll pay adherence to is a productive argument and the charges. Prior to his death, Shiloh had been charged with sexual assault, attempted murder, murder, blackmail, and money laundering. He was a complex man who had a complex death, and it’s her job to judge whether there was malice aforethought or not. Diane calls Jason to the stand.

Jason says when he got the Haunted Star, Shiloh was standing over Sam, who was lying on the ground with broken glass all around her. Shiloh was attacking Sam, and he told Shiloh to stop.

Sam says, once she was alone on the boat, she knew she had to plan her escape, so she kept Shiloh talking. She went to the bar to pour a drink. That’s when he told her that he was responsible for his father’s death; that he tampered with the breaks on his father’s car. Gabriel objects, saying Shiloh isn’t on trial for his father’s death. Diane says it shows the state of her client’s mind; she was clearly in fear for her life, and it shows intent. Shiloh – the hero – admitted to murdering his own father. The judge says, continue, and Sam says Shiloh was closing in on her. She took the bottle to use as a weapon, but Shiloh got it out of her hand, and threw it on the ground. Then he threw her to the ground on top of the glass. He forced her legs open, and started to unbuckle his pants.

Jason says he shot Shiloh. He hit Shiloh in the chest, and thought he was dead. He didn’t check Shiloh’s pulse, and went directly to Sam. Diane asks how Shiloh survived, and Jason says, he had a bulletproof vest he took from a guard when he escaped. Jason didn’t realize, and was on deck when Shiloh came at him with a gaffing stick.

Sam says, Shiloh was going to kill Jason. She had no time, so she just reacted, shooting him in the back with a flare gun. He stumbled, and fell overboard. Gabriel says what she described sounds terrifying. Was she terrified? Sam says, of course (🍷). Gabriel says, then why did Sheri say in her sworn statement that Sam knew Jason didn’t need help, and could deal with Shiloh on his own? She shot Shiloh because of what he’d done to her sister and her. Diane says, hearsay, but Gabriel says Sam wanted Shiloh dead, didn’t she?

Finn tells Alexis the antidote is in paint, like the kind in Van Gogh’s Starry Night. It’s also used in blueprints. It binds to the metals in the body, and flushes them out safely. Alexis wonders how someone came up with it. They licked a paintbrush? (That sounds like something I’d ask. I know. Let’s try drinking paint!). Finn says she’s going to be okay. TJ comes back, and says there’s no report of anyone else being poisoned in or around Port Charles. Finn says the symptoms are unique to Alexis, which brings them back to why.

Sam says she won’t apologize for wanting Shiloh away from her sister or the other young women he preyed on. But no matter what, she took a shot to protect Jason. Gabriel says, so she was mistaken. She didn’t think he could handle it himself. Diane says, hearsay, which the prosecution should understand. He’s using backdoor maneuvers to get the statement on record. The judge says, sustained. Move along.

Gabriel suggests that Sam and Jason set up a sting operation, but Diane objects, saying that’s a speculative premise. The judge sustains her objection, and Gabriel asks if Jason ever physically assaulted Shiloh. Jason says they fought, and Gabriel asks, how many times? Did he ever throw Shiloh down the stairs?  Diane objects again. She says Gabriel had ample opportunity to present the evidence of Jason allegedly throwing Shiloh down the stairs, but none was presented. There’s no way to prove it happened. Her objection is sustained. Gabriel says there are numerous counts of assault, and Diane objects again. Judge Madrigal says, sustained. She warned Gabriel about grandstanding, and next time, she’s going to cite him. Gabriel asks if Jason was so inexplicably defenseless, that if Sam hadn’t shot Shiloh, he wouldn’t have been able to defend himself. Diane says, that calls for speculation, and Gabriel says, withdrawn. Diane brings out the gaffing stick, and asks Jason what it is, for the record. He says it looks like the gaffing stick Shiloh was going to hit him with, and Diane says, Shiloh’s fingerprints were all over it. Gabriel – who’s really reaching now – says Sam could have placed it in Shiloh’s hands after he died. Diane says, false narrative, but Gabriel says, Sam, Jason, and Shiloh were alone on the water, with no witnesses to give history. The only life in danger that night was Shiloh’s. I wonder why they’re not making more of Dev’s phone call.

Julian says Brad loves throwing Sonny’s name around. Maybe he should tell Sonny his grandson is still alive. He’ll be so grateful, he’ll shake Julian’s hand. Brad says he came to Julian in good faith with a peace offering, but Julian says, how about extortion? Brad says Julian can get his son back if he lets them keep theirs, but he’ll have to agree to the terms. Julian tells Brad that he’d better not screw up. Brad holds out his hand, but Julian doesn’t shake it. Brad leaves, and Julian announces there’s a problem in the kitchen, and they’re closing. Their charges are covered, but they have to get out. Brook Lynn continues to drink.

Kim says, so he’s giving up his life, but Franco says it’s not his life to have; it’s Franco’s. If he holds on to it, he’s no better than the men who did the procedure in the first place.

On the phone at Charlie’s, Brook Lynn says, they owe her. O-W-E, owe, not own. They can find someone else if they want someone to push around. Go to hell. She hangs up, and tells Julian, black Russian, take two. He says, the bar is closed; she has to leave. She says she’ll get where she’s going eventually. In the meantime, she’s comfortable. Is he going to pick her up and toss her out, or call the cops? It would be simpler to just get her the damn drink.

Franco asks what Kim will do now, but she says she doesn’t know. All she knows is, she can’t stay and watch, hoping it doesn’t work out. However it turns out, he’s no longer hers. Franco says she doesn’t need to leave because of him. She says she needs to leave because of her. Without him and Oscar, there’s nothing left for her in Port Charles. Franco says, she’s an amazing woman. He wishes he could love her the way she deserves. She says he did once; they both did. She guesses this is goodbye. She cries, and says, goodbye, Chief Andrew Cane. He holds her, and says he loves her. She says she loves him too. He walks to the door, and walks out without turning back. She cries, and says, she always will.

Alexis tells Finn that she’s careful with her diet, and she’s working out with Kendra. Finn asks if she’s gotten any herbs or teas from the internet. She says, the only other thing is the supplement she’s been taking, and she had her doctor check it out. Finn asks if she’d mind if he took a look at it, and TJ says he has a key to the house; he can pick it up. Alexis says, that’s not necessary. She can have Kendra drop some off. Why? Why did she say that? Elizabeth comes in with Alexis’s first dose, and Finn says she’ll feel better in a couple days. She drinks it, and says, tastes like paint, but if it saves her life, she won’t complain. TJ says they still need to uncover how Alexis got exposed. He thinks she probably got it from a restaurant. Finn says he has a hard question. Is there any chance someone poisoned her intentionally?

Lucas tells Obrecht that she has no right to blow up their life. She says that’s not what she wants. She’s never subscribed to the philosophy that the truth will set you free, but he seems like he was raised on that principle. He should thank her for full disclosure. Lucas says her manipulation no longer works. She has nothing to tell him that he doesn’t already know. She says, is that so? His husband has a colorful past. So many highs and lows. She has something to tell him. Brad blows in, and asks, what’s going on? Obrecht says Lucas was lauding Brad’s honesty and disparaging her in the same breath. If his manners don’t improve, he’ll live to regret it, and so will Brad. She walks off, and Lucas asks if that’s a threat. Brad tells him, forget it. She won’t say anything or she’ll be implicated too. It’s over. Lucas says he doesn’t think it is.

Gabriel says Sam paid Brice to arrange Shiloh’s escape, but Diane says the defense admitted an affidavit from Brice’s lawyer. He was in the process of cutting a deal and amending his statement, when he was brutally murdered. The judge says the court has read it, and the statements offset each other. Neither will be counted to weigh more than the other. Gabriel says they only have the testimonies of Sam and Jason. Shiloh can’t give one, and conveniently, there were no security cameras. Perhaps Sam arranged that so she could kill him, and fabricate a story of attempted assault. Diane says, seriously? Hearsay and speculation. Gabriel says they haven’t offered once ounce of tangible proof, and the judge says, point taken, but she’s warned him. Gabriel says Sam shot Shiloh in the back, not to save Jason, but to snuff out a man she despised. Shiloh deserves his day in court. She took his life, and should be held accountable. Jason’s arrest record proves he was anything but defenseless. Judge Madrigal says she’s heard what she needs to hear. There will be a short recess before she gives her ruling. Spinelli tells Sam and Jason, everyone is in good health, but he has an emergency, and has to leave. His heart is with Sam. Sam asks Jason what he thinks. Is it going to go in her favor?

Alexis says she can’t think of anyone who would want to poison her except Helena, and she’s dead. She supposes Helena could have left posthumous instructions. TJ wonders if it could be a disgruntled client, or the family member of someone Alexis had put away. Finn tells Alexis to rest and let the medicine do its job. They’ll deal with the rest later. He leaves, and TJ starts to go, but Alexis says, not so fast, you. He saved her life. She thanks him, and he says he’s glad she’s okay. He’ll call Molly and let her know. She tells him to make sure to tell Molly about his role in it, or she will. He says he’ll check on her later. When he’s gone, she gets a text from Kendra asking how she is. She texts back, great news. I’m going to recover.

Kim looks around the empty apartment.

Elizabeth is at the reception desk, when Franco walks in. She asks what he’s doing there, and he says he needs to talk to her.

Julian asks the woman, why stay in a place that’s closed? She asks, why did he close it? What’s up with that guy he was talking to? It seemed heated. He says it’s none of her business, but she says she’s a total stranger, and they can be the best listeners. What not take advantage of that?

Brad tells Lucas, back to normal, but Lucas says, every time he turns around, there’s another secret. Brad asks what he means, and Lucas says Obrecht told him she knows the cold, hard facts about Brad and Wiley’s father. What else is Brad hiding?

Sam asks Diane how she thinks it went, but Diane tells her, it’s difficult to say. Sam and Jason were both compelling and straightforward, which works in their favor, but it’s hard to imagine Jason being defenseless. That shouldn’t count, but it can cast doubt. She asks Jason, how many fights he had with Shiloh. Jason says, real fights? Four. Diane asks, what’s a real fight? and Jason says where one of them almost killed the other.

The judge comes back in. She says, after careful consideration of the evidence and testimonies, she’s prepared to make a ruling. Will the defense rise?

Tomorrow, Kim hopes Hayden is as happy there as she was, Lucas asks Brad why everyone is after him, Olivia suggests she and Sonny open something together, and the verdict is read.

Below Deck

27 hours before charter. Brian says he kissed Courtney last night, and Ashton says, sh*t went down. Kate tells Ashton, good morning, lover boy. He asks how they hooked up, but Kate says he put his tongue in her mouth. That’s all that happened, so stop saying that. She loves him, but not that way. In Ashton’s interview, he doesn’t know how that happened, but it wasn’t him; it was Smashton. That’s the way Smashton operates. Kate tells him, get out of here. In Kate’s interview, she says she looks at Ashton as a brother, and she’s not that kind of family. Tanner feels better, like a new person, and says sleep was what he needed. Kate tells Tanner about Ashton kissing her, and he asks how that was. She says, disgusting. Tanner asks Courtney about Brian kissing her, and she says, that never happened. It was a peck. Ashton says they were so cute together, and she says, never going to happen. In Courtney’s interview, she doesn’t know how she feels. She’s a bit picky. Did she cringe, or does she want to kiss him again? Those are the two options. Tasks are given out. Tanner swills water.

Tanner watches Cortney and Simone fold clothes, and jets before he’s asked to help. Simone tells Courtney that she has to stop breathing when Tanner is around. Kate tells Simone that she’ll be on late, so she’ll be helping more with service. She asks what part of service Simone wants to work on, and Simone asks what Kate thinks she needs to work on. Kate asks how she is at opening wine, and Simone goes, uhhh… In Kate’s interview, she says it’s like on a sports team when someone is saying, put me in coach, but she doesn’t want to rush Simone either. Kevin makes up songs in the galley. Kate hands Simone a bottle of wine, and tells her to show her skills. Simon fumbles around. Kate tells her to do it without using the counter. In her interview, Kate says, that Simone doesn’t know how to open a bottle is a little troubling. She said she worked for a year on yachts. No one drank on that boat? Kate shows her how to open the bottle, and they move on to pouring.

Time for the preference sheet meeting. In Simone’s interview, she says most of her experience has been on laundry and housekeeping. She wishes she could get full service instruction. Captain Lee says their new primary is Michael Blackton, who owns a helicopter charter business. He and his closest friends went to Florida State. Kate says she knows people who went there, and the only major is drinking beer. In her interview, she says, no employer goes, wow, when they see Florida State on a resumé. The captain tells them that Michael says the crew isn’t prepared for what’s going to transpire on board. Kate says all they’ll need is red Solo cups. The captain says they want a beach lunch, a college style party with garnet and gold decorations, a pirate day, and they want the crew to come up with another theme dinner of their own creation. It’s going to be full-on. He asks how Tanner is, and Ashton says, he’s 100%. Captain Lee says they need him back. In Ashton’s interview, he says he has a calm exterior, even though inside, he’s pretty nervous. Kate makes a call to get a bunch of pirate stuff. Brian slips on deck, and hurts his knee. Tanner asks Ashton if they’re going to have hats and eye patches and sh*t, and Ashton nods.

Captain Lee watches as Simone irons. She tells him the iron is malfunctioning, and he shows her how to use it. Kate says it’s an honor and a privilege to watch him iron. I actually think it’s sexy. Tanner tells Kate about Brian whacking his knee, and asks how her tongue is doing after the attack. She says it recoiled to the back of her throat.

Ashton wants the boat looking nice and sharp, and the deckhands take care of last minute details. In Brian’s interview, he says he’s not sure what’s happening with his knee; it’s swollen. He can still do his job, but he can’t focus 100%. He hopes the pain goes away soon; he doesn’t need this on deck. The provisions come in, and Courtney says, yay Florida. Brian says his knee is hurting, and everyone gets changed to their whites. Tanner says he’s dripping sweat, and the captain says, four minutes to show time.

Kate brings out gold and garnet leis. As the guests come up to the boat, one says they’re going to get ripped every night, and Michael says, they have no idea what’s coming for them. Captain Lee says he’s not ready for these guys. In his interview, Ashton thinks the girls are beautiful, and it’s going to be a distracting charter. I’m a good bosun. I am a good bosun. The captain tells the guests they have a fun few days planned. Kate will give them a tour of the boat, and they’ll get this party started. Kate does the tour, and anchor is pulled up. One of the female guests wonders when Ashton’s shirt is coming off. Kate describes Michael to Kevin as still being in the fraternity and having a Republican haircut. She puts Courtney on laundry duty. Michael wants to see pirates. I don’t think Captain Sandy would agree that’s a good idea. Kate tells Simone to check on the guests. In Kate’s interview, she says if Simone wants to improve in service, when she says, check on the guests, that doesn’t mean wander around. She didn’t speak to one of them. A guest comes to the galley, and asks for a vodka/Sprite. Kate tells Simone, look at every guest, and ask if she can get them anything. You never want them to have to ask.

Michael is already making all kinds of inappropriate remarks to Simone. Courtney suggests Brian get an actual bandage on his knee, and tells him to stop touching it with dirty fingers. Simone says she wants the guests to be super happy and drinking. Kevin makes ribs, and says, Michael is fantasized [sic] by an American type steakhouse. Tanner asks if Brian is going to text Courtney to marry him. Kevin sings, love is in the air. Kate says Courtney has a glow, and Courtney says that’s because she got some sun. Kate says, he’s the son of someone. Michael says, let’s get loose, and asks when Simone gets to drink. He tells her that he was going to bring his girlfriend, but they broke up before the trip when he found out she was a hooker. He thinks this is pretty funny, while the rest of us just look at him blankly. He grabs Simone’s hand, asking about her ring finger, and guessing her size, telling her, he’s good at that. They arrive in Koh Roi. Simone tells Kevin, the main guy is ugh. In her interview, she says she’s trying to be professional, and Michael is being creepy. Get her out of there.

Kevin tells Kate that he wants to go over to the beach with the food. Ashton explains that he’ll make the initial run with the crew, and while they set out the food, he’ll go back for the guests. In Kevin’s interview, he says he wishes he could trust Kate with the beach picnic, but she’s checked out. We flash back to Kevin looking for Kate the last time. He says she needs to manage better, and he doesn’t trust her with any of the aspects of a beach picnic. I dub Kevin officially insane. He tells Kate that he’s going along because he doesn’t want to make more work for her. Ashton has a meeting with the deckhands, and the tender is put in the water. Captain Lee asks Ashton what Brian did to his leg, and Ashton says, that’s how hard he fell for Courtney the other night. We all laugh. Tanner asks Brian how his knee is, and Brian says, effed up.

Kate gets ready for the picnic, and says, the gang’s all here; Tito, Jack, and Jim. Ashton thinks it’s the hottest day so far. They leave to set up, and one guest asks for a banana daquiri. Simone says she can do it, and then looks it up on her phone. Courtney says, it’s just a daiquiri with bananas in it. Kevin sets up, making Ashton and Tanner change things around from what Kate told them. Ashton says they’ll just do what Kevin wants to do, and Kate says, welcome to her life. In Kate’s interview, she says, usually, she’d like the chef to show up and participate, but Kevin is very OCD, and it makes everything more difficult. Simone conquers the daquiri, and the guest pronounces it delicious. Kevin starts talking about dinner, but Kate wants to deal with lunch first. The guests arrive, and Kate tells them, welcome to lunch. Kevin tells Kate not to forget the salt and pepper, and she says it’s on the table already. In her interview, Kate says, whenever Kevin jumps into the service realm, he’s doing it to overpower her. Kevin needs to stay in his lane, or take over the job fully, and she’ll take a vacation. She tells Simone, practice makes perfect, and to serve the guests so they don’t have to get up.

Courtney doesn’t understand ironing. It just rewrinkles. Tanner tells Courtney, it’s going to be a chill charter for her – until the laundry starts coming in. In Courtney’s interview, she says, it’s like a frat party, but they’re forty. It’s chill, but it’s pretty sad. I think it’s just pretty sad. The guests play in the water. Simone stays to pack up, and the guests return to the boat. Brian tells Simone that guest Kim is hot, and Simone says, Kim is a scorcher. He asks if she has any comments on the guys, and she says, Tanner makes her… and she fans herself. Brian says, he makes her flustered

Kate tells Courtney, tonight it’s garnet and gold forever. And beer pong. In Kate’s interview, she says the guests are having a college-themed party because the college years were the best years of their lives. Anyone still talking about college, peaked in college. It’s embarrassing. She makes Courtney the creative director of Jell-O shots. Ashton gets the slide ready by himself. The guests jump into the water from the side of the boat. Brian says his knee is worse; the pain is intense on the sides. Ashton says Brian’s knee isn’t looking good. In his interview, he says, there’s a massive difference between being one man and two men down. He hasn’t had a full-strength team all season. He’s exhausted. He asks to talk to the captain.

Ashton tells Captain Lee that Brian banged his knee, and it’s swelling. In his interview, the captain says he has to come up with a backup plan in case Brian can’t work. He feels like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. Kevin goes over dinner with Kate. Tanner tells Simone that he thinks he found the coolest spot on the yacht. Simone agrees, and they catch a breeze. One of the guests says she’s trying to get a buzz. She’s way too sober. Tanner tells Simone about Brian’s knee. Michael goes to the galley, and asks Kate where the group shots are. Tanner asks if Simone misses home. She says she misses her grandma, and talks about her all the time. Tanner says his grandpa is his best friend. They have to treat each experience like they don’t want it to be the last one. In Simone’s interview, she says, not only does Tanner have his symmetrical God-given face, he appreciates his grandparents. He asks how old her grandmother is, and she says, ninety-five. In Kate’s interview, she says, Simone is exhibiting all the telltale signs of being a yachty with no experience. If she can hear Simone, the guests can hear her. It’s not Simone’s cruise. She tells Kevin, Simone is having a conversation on the sundeck, and the guests are listening to her life story. Kevin says Simone talks too much. Kate says she’s like a puppy you want to train, but don’t want to break its spirit. Kevin says you need to give it house rules. Everyone looks at the sunset. Kate tells Simone to change into her blacks. The guests get dressed for dinner. Kevin prepares a New York cheesecake.

Kate tells Simone to get the glasses for dinner. Ashton tells Tanner that Simone likes him, and asks if Tanner likes her. Tanner says, that’s dangerous. Kate tells Simone that the guests could hear her talking to Tanner. She was busy making drinks, and didn’t hear what it was about. Should she ask the guests, or does Simone want to tell her? Simone says they were just talking. In Kate’s interview, she says she’s annoyed that Simone is playing that she wants to learn. If she wants to learn, a little less this – she makes a hand gesture for talking – and more of this – she gestures like she’s cleaning something. She tells Simone, if guests are around, be careful.

I just have to interject here. I’m always surprised at how brazen the guests are, like with asking a deckhand to take their shirt off or being forward with a stew. It’s never once crossed my mind to make a pass at any kind of waitstaff or server when they’re technically in my employ. It’s outrageously inappropriate. Does money make people stupid? I had money for five minutes once, but the only inappropriate thing I ever did was take a limo to a Spice Girls concert, and it wasn’t even my idea.

Ashton tells Kate that he’s another man down, and Kate asks, how down is he? Ashton says he needs to rest. As usual, Kate makes a gorgeous centerpiece, using green/gold netting and fairy lights. Kate tells Simone, during service, keep conversation to a minimum. The guests hear everything. A guest says there’s finally a breeze, and Michael says he hasn’t had a BJ this good in years, causing all of us to collectively roll our eyes, and push him off the boat. Okay, I made up that last part. In Kevin’s interview, he says he hasn’t really been around college students before. They’re toasted, and he thinks they’ll be impressed with dinner. Michael talks about playing the drinking game, Never Have I Ever, but never have I ever played that game, nor have I ever been interested in playing. In his bunk, Brian puts a towel over his face.

Tanner and Ashton continue working. Ashton wishes he could go to bed. The captain looks at Brian’s leg, and says it’s going to be a pain in his ass. He’ll probably have to get a doctor. He tells Brian to put ice on it. The guests ask for green tea shots with Red Bull (bleh), and they need them quickly. Simone tells Kate, and Courtney brings some cheesecake to Brian. He asks if she’ll get him some ice, and promises to take her for champagne when the crew goes out. Kate downs one of the shots, and declares it good.

Kevin delivers the cheesecake, singing, once, twice, three times a cheesecake, on the way. Michael toasts to waking up and not getting pissed on. A guest says it’s the best cheesecake they’ve ever had. Michael tells them, it’s college night tonight, and Kate says they have beer pong, and a two-story beer bong. The guests change, and then play beer pong. Simone watches and laughs. Kate tells Courtney the laundry is looking good. Courtney says, it’s a nice change, but it’s boring. Kate asks her to help Simone for a while. These people really are acting like they’re in college. I’m embarrassed. Michael messes with the kayak that’s hanging on the side of the boat.

Ashton tells Michael, no. Please don’t do that. In his interview, Ashton says, what the hell does Michael think he’s doing? He’s beyond drunk, and he’ll snap the kayak, and himself. Michael says Ashton is effing up his kayak experience, but commends Ashton on saying it properly. He puts his arm around Ashton, and Ashton says at least he got the message. Simone tells Courtney that she’ll finish up. Ashton puts the slide away by himself. Brian tosses and turns in pain.

Kate asks Kevin to practice his pirate talk. He says, arghhh! Kate says, yay! Pirate day! It’s not the most  gentile, elegant thing, but she can play along. Shiver me timbers. Arghhh! In Brian’s interview, he says his knee is worse. He couldn’t sleep, but he’s not the type of person who can do nothing, especially since he’s lead deckhand. He feels guilty. Ashton looks at Brian’s knee, and in his interview, he says he tried having a positive mindset, but he needs to deal with the fact that he might lose Brian. One of the guests is stoked that it’s pirate day. Kate tells Kevin that she can only use one hand. When he asks, why? she says she only has one, and shows him the hook prop on her other one. I actually have one of those because we did Peter Pan one year for Halloween.

Kate tells Kevin that she’s a leprechaun pirate. Captain Lee tells Ashton, be ready to rock and roll at 8:30. Kate gives the captain a gentle reminder that it’s pirate day. He says, them’s that dies be the lucky ones, and she says, totally. They pull anchor. Kate tells Courtney, she looks like she’s a lame not-team player. She’s working with a hook. She says it’s Courtney’s last chance to choose her own outfit or she will. The captain asks about Brian, and says if he sees his ass up and around, he’ll have his ass. He gives Ashton the helm, and says he has a new deckhand coming. Brian is so close to being down, he wants to get her on board. In his interview, Captain Lee says, when you’re shorthanded, you run the risk of injury. It’s dangerous, and they can’t continue down this road. Ashton asks if he can look at a copy of the deckhand’s CD, and the captain says he already knows her. It’s Ryleigh. In Ashton’s interview, he says, you have to be effing kidding. Captain Lee says they’ll see if she learned anything.

This season, elephants; Captain Lee tells the crew that some of them aren’t getting his two rule message – don’t embarrass themselves or the boat; Ryleigh says she’s back, bitches; Ashton isn’t ready for this; Ryleigh says she’ll make Brian forget Courtney; Kevin says it’s getting heated; Alexis Bellino is a guest; a guest calls Kate a bitch; a nasty child; Kate hopes the boat sinks, and a cat in a snuggly.

📺 Tonight, I also watched a rerun of Watch What Happens Live, the Bravocon edition, aka WWHL at Bravocon. While I still wish I could have gone, holy! it was crowded. During the show, Andy basically trotted out all the Bravolebrities, so there was a massive amount of people on stage as well, but I can’t imagine even standing in an autograph line with this many people. You would have needed some kind of VIP ticket just to survive, and I’ve been to crowded conventions. I loved seeing LVP, joining the Vanderpump Rules cast, along with Puffy. She looked like the princess she is. I’ll never give up wishing she’d adopt me. Even with all my dogs, her house is so huge, she’d never even know I was there if she didn’t want to. And I’d treat her so much better than Cedric, or whatever the hell his name was. That POS from the first season of RHOBH. The highlight was Andy introducing Kim Zolciak, and not knowing the words to Tardy for the Party, but singing along anyway. You know. Like you do in the car. They played Squash That Beef, and Ramona had to go up quite a few times. Shep, Jax, and Vicki won the drawing for the shotski. The whole thing must have been insane.

👓 I also checked out Blind Date, and was not impressed. The premise is exactly what you’d think, watching a blind date, but stupid pop-ups are scattered throughout. Dating: No Filter (on E!) is a thousand times better. I think the narrator for Blind Date might have been the same person who narrates the Olive Garden commercials, since for a moment, I thought the couple went to Olive Garden when I was looking at an ad. I give it a D-.

🚣 Because It’s Stuck In My Head Now…













January 21, 2019 – Three Collapses in Port Charles, Girls’ Night In, New Shows, Leida Drama, Gaga in Vegas & Speechless


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Sonny and Carly walk into the MetroCourt. Carly asks if going to Morgan’s grave helped, and Sonny says, maybe. But eventually they need to do what needs be done. Carly wonders why Ava is there.

Lucy tells Ava that she doesn’t know what Doc was thinking taking up with the likes of her. Ava says for someone who’s been with him off and on for years, she knows very little about him.

Curtis tells Laura that Ava and Lucy are squaring off. If it gets physical, who does she like? Laura says if he quotes her, she’ll deny it, but its Lucy all the way. She’ll take Lucy over Ava any day.

Lucy says Ava doesn’t know Doc. He’s a good person, and has a deep, wonderful heart filled with compassion and forgiveness. While Ava is a toxic cocktail of vanity and misery.

Elizabeth congratulates Kim on delivering a baby in the parking garage. Kim is distracted, and says Oscar hasn’t checked in.

Underground, Josslyn stomps on a floor, and asks Oscar what he thinks. He says, amazing. It sounds hollow. She says the catacombs are below them.

Sonny tells Carly that he and Ava agreed on a truce for Avery’s sake. Carly thought Ava was leaving town, and says, as good a psychiatrist as Doc is, he made a mistake trashing his marriage to be with Ava.

Lucy says Ava is full of bile and malice, and alienates anyone unfortunate enough to see a sliver of good in her.

Laura asks Jordan if there’s any news. Jordan says all the precincts reported in, and there have been no bodies found. She says it’s awful to be relieved at something like that. She asks how the book launch went. Curtis says, it was interesting, but nothing major happened – until now.

Ava says Lucy is just jealous that she and Doc are together. Lucy says, it’s not going to last, and thinks it’s just pity. It’s not in Doc’s nature to abide anyone who causes harm to others.

The doorknob to Lulu’s office jiggles. She asks, who’s there? It’s not-Doc. She lets him in, and says she thought he was going to the party. He says he got her message, and his plans changed. He closes the door behind him. She asks how many people Ryan killed, and he tells her, nine. She says, only seven came up when she was researching it. When her back is to him, he slips her driver’s license out of her purse. He lists the women Ryan killed, but she doesn’t have two of them. He says the names didn’t come up anywhere because the murders were never solved.

Anna sits in a wheelchair at the reception area, and Finn asks if she isn’t jumping the gun; she’s not discharged yet. She asks if that isn’t just a formality. He tells her the hospital functions on formalities, and she’s supposed to stay in her room in the meantime. She wants to put this behind her, but she understands how lucky she is. Finn says her body responded to treatment, and Griff has given her the all clear. She says, thank God it’s over, and thanks him for dealing with the virus. She wishes she knew how she got it, and he says he does too.

At Chase’s apartment, he takes Willow’s coat. She says she never appreciated Port Charles like she does now. It’s nice to enjoy a meal in safety. Chase says he can eat in the hallway and be a lookout, but she says she wouldn’t want him to do that. He wants her to feel safe with him.

Josslyn tells Oscar, the cellar was built in 1850, and the town can’t decide whether to fill it in or fix and preserve it. Oscar votes for preservation. It’s a piece of history. He can’t believe they haven’t explored the catacombs yet, but Josslyn says she’d forgotten about it. She tells him that the seniors had to be lying, and if they found a way in, there’s no reason the two of them couldn’t. Oscar says, maybe they missed one. Josslyn says the Black Duck was built over the catacombs. There’s got to be a way in through there.

Michael thanks Lucas for meeting him. Lucas says, it sounded serious. Michael wants to talk about Wiley’s future. Lucas asks if he means in general, or something specific. Michael gives him a document, and says he’s set up a college fund. Lucas says Michael is too generous, but he can’t accept it. Michael asks Lucas to let him do this; he loves Wiley, and it has nothing do with him losing Jonah. He’s Wiley’s godfather, and he wants to help. Lucas thanks him for his generosity and courage. He doesn’t know how Michael does it. He can’t imagine losing Wiley.

Laura sits with Sonny and Carly. Laura suggest Carly give her mother a call. Laura only came in toward the end, but she guesses the book isn’t just about the town; it’s about the people who live there. Sonny asks if he should be worried, and Laura says he should be warned. No one was left unscathed.

Lucy says Ava doesn’t deserve Doc, and Ava says, but she does? Lucy says she didn’t kill anybody’s father, but Ava says not everybody might agree. Lucy says, Victor swallowed the necklace all on his own, and she tried to save him. That makes her worthier than the woman who killed Connie Falconari, and tricked Sonny into murdering AJ. Ava says she didn’t do that. Lucy says she just hasn’t been convicted. Ava says Lucy is right about Doc. He has a kind forgiving heart.

Lulu asks if Ryan told not-Doc about the murders before he died, and why didn’t he tell the police? Not-Doc says it’s a shame a driver’s license doesn’t capture a person’s soul. She asks what he’s doing. He says she’s an investigative reporter. Tell him what she thinks he’s doing.

Finn tells Anna that he neutralized the virus, meaning it will never flare up again, as opposed to it being dormant, where there are no signs, but the virus is still active. She asks how long she’s had it, but he says they have no way of telling. It could have been years. She says if it’s been in her body indefinitely, what changed? Why did she go blind?

Chase gives Willow a glass of wine, and she thanks him for making it easy. He says she’s the one making it easy. It’s nice to be with someone so honest. Some people in his life haven’t been. He says he’s heard it’s unattractive to talk about exes on a date, but she says she likes hearing about other people’s mistakes. Then she doesn’t feel as bad about her own.

Laura suggests Sonny encourage Dante to come home. The long separation from Lulu isn’t good. Sonny says he didn’t know it would be so long. Laura wonders why the WSB can’t do a manhunt without a member of the local police. Sonny says, the man he’s chasing almost killed Luke. Lucy asks if she could talk to Sonny, and Laura tells them, have fun. She and Carly leave the table, and Lucy tells Sonny the book launch was a huge success, and thanks him. Carly asks Laura if she’s expecting someone, and Laura says her daughter was supposed to cover the book launch, and missed the entire thing. Sitting alone, Ava wonders where Doc is.

Lulu tells not-Doc that he’s scaring her. Her mother and husband have been worried about him for some time, thinking the anniversary of the murders took its toll on him. He says, they certainly had an effect. She says she wanted to make sure the victims were treated respectfully, including him. He says he’s not one of Ryan’s victims. She says he had a breakdown and convinced himself that he was Ryan, and he seems be thinking that way now. He says, for the record, her articles weren’t displeasing. Pedestrian writing aside, she managed to capture a spark of Ryan’s genius. She tries to run around him, but he says, time’s up. He’s given her hint after hint, and the truth is staring her in the face. She sees who he is. She says, not Ryan; he’s dead. He takes out a knife, and tells her, if she’s going to be a reporter, she needs to be diligent about checking facts.

Josslyn tells Oscar that they’re on top of the catacombs. She’s sure there’s an entrance, but they’ve been over every inch. There’s no way in, unless they go through the floor. Oscar doesn’t think that’s a good idea; the floor is shaky as it is. The boards are probably rotted since it was built in 1800. Josslyn says she’s sorry, but he’s glad they came. She says she wanted to make one thing work, but he tells her, after weeks of sitting in the hospital playing Go Fish and Celebrity, he’s doing something cool. It doesn’t matter if they make it to the catacombs. They’re here together.

Kim wishes she could keep Oscar all to herself, and Elizabeth says, he’s her baby. Kim says, he’s also fifteen, and she wants him to have a normal life, until he can’t. She supposes that doesn’t include hanging out with mom. Elizabeth thinks she should share that with Josslyn. She can get him to fall in line. Kim says she and Drew have given him free reign over his time, on the condition he check in every three hours to let them know he’s fine. It’s been great up to now. It’s been three hours and fifty-two minutes. She thinks she should be saying it’s probably nothing to worry about, but Elizabeth says, when it’s your kid, you worry.  

Lulu lies on the floor. Not-Doc cleans his knife. She struggles to get up, and he says he missed. He won’t make that mistake again. All of a sudden, he grabs his head and drops to the floor. Lulu stumbles around him. He makes a grab for her, but she gets out the door. Not-Doc passes out.

Chase tells Willow, his ex was one huge mistake in a series of catastrophic ones. She did a number on him. He’s past it, but part of something like that sticks with you. Willow kisses him, and he says that was a nice surprise. She says for her too. He wants her to know he’s not the kind of guy who thinks dinner and drinks entitle him to something else. He likes her too much to rush in and screw things up. She says, if anyone screwed up, it’s her, letting him believe something that’s not true. She wants to set it right. She needs to come clean.

Carly says Sonny told her about Ava’s request. To be clear, there’s no way they’re going to let her leave town with Avery, never mind the country. Ava says Avery is all she has left. She shouldn’t have come to Port Charles in the first place. Carly thinks she should leave, and Ava says she needs to have her one remaining child with her, at least part of the time. Carly tells her to do what she needs to do, but Avery stays there. The elevator door opens, and Lulu staggers out to Laura, dropping to the floor. Laura says she’s been stabbed; call 911. She tells Lulu to stay with her. Ava says, just like Kiki. Lucas puts pressure on Lulu’s wound, and tells her, keep breathing. Laura begs Lulu to stay with them and breathe.

Finn tells Anna that he could go through other cases, but it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. The nature of the virus and it’s transfer remain a mystery for now. She says she called Robert, asking for any intel on the virus. He hasn’t called back yet, so that means he probably does, and he’ll let her know in his own sweet time. Finn says, spies are weird, and Anna says, yeah.

Willow tells Chase, when they first met, he saw a pamphlet on grieving parents in her car. She said it was for someone else, but she lied; it was for her. Chase tells her not to be offended, but he wouldn’t be a good detective if he hadn’t figured that out. She says he knew all along, and he says he strongly suspected, but now that she’s told him, he’s sorry for her loss. She says that’s why she’s so bad at dating. She’s only ever been with one man; the baby’s father. He says she doesn’t have to say anything, but she wants to talk about it. They didn’t stay together. He says, losing a baby is hard, but she says she didn’t lose the baby. That is, he didn’t die. In the support group, they think that’s what happened, but she couldn’t find a group that matched her situation. Her baby is alive, but she gave him up for adoption. Um… I’m sure there’s an online group for that.

At the hospital, the doctor says there’s one internal wound, and heavy bleeding. Lucas tells Laura that Lulu has been stabilized, and they’re getting her to the ER as soon as possible. She’s lost a lot of blood, but he thinks she got to them in time. Laura says she came by Lulu’s office; why did she leave? Sonny tells her not to blame herself.

Not-Doc feels around for the elevator button. I guess he can’t see? One of the doors opens, and he gets in.

Carly tells Ava that she’s free to go, but Ava says she’s waiting for Doc. Carly says she may want to call him. Lulu was attacked, and only hotel guests are allowed in the building. Carly says she’s going to the hospital, and Ava asks for an update when she gets there. Not-Doc stumbles out of the elevator, feeling around. Ava asks what happened. He says he thought the electricity went out, but the elevator was still moving. He can’t see. Called it.

The doctor tells Laura that Lulu is stable, and in the OR now. They won’t know how severe her injury is until they operate. Laura asks to see her, just for a moment. She goes in, and Elizabeth tells her that Lulu isn’t in any pain. Laura goes to Lulu’s bedside, and pets her head. She tells Lulu that she loves her. So many people do, especially Rocco and Charlotte. They need her, and Laura needs her. She begs Lulu to please stay with them.

Carly arrives, and asks how Lulu is. Sonny says she’s stabilized. Carly says she called Valentin, and both kids are asleep. She prays when they wake up, they still have a mother.

Willow hopes Chase doesn’t think she didn’t love her baby enough to take care of it. He doesn’t, and she says she knows she did the best for her son, but there hasn’t been one second when she doesn’t miss him. Chase can’t imagine how hard a decision it was. At least she knows he’s alive and well, and in a good home. She says she almost didn’t go through with it. She almost took her baby back. Chase asks why she didn’t? and she says he was already in a loving home; that’s what she was told. As much as it hurts, she believes he’s better off.

Carly tells Sonny that Lulu isn’t the only reason she’s there. She and Ava found Doc. He said he had a terrible headache, and lost his sight. They’re checking him out now, but there’s no explanation so far.

Curtis and Jordan examine Lulu’s office. Curtis says it looks like she put up a fight, and Jordan says, damn right. Judging from the blood on the floor, she was stabbed by her desk, and moved out. When she stood up, the killer must have still been there. Curtis sees the knife on the floor. He says, it’s the same M.O., but this time, they left their weapon.

Ava says not-Doc must be terrified, and he says he’s been through worse. He wonders if anyone knows how he lost his eyesight so quickly. Ava tells him Carly said something about Lulu being attacked. He asks if she’s all right, and would Ava do him a favor, and check on her and Laura. She says Lulu is in surgery, and she’s the last person Laura wants to see. He says she’s asking for both of them. He thinks she’d feel better if she knows another child didn’t suffer the same fate as Kiki. Ava says she’ll ask the nurse.

Kim asks Carly if she’s heard from Josslyn. She can’t reach Josslyn or Oscar. Carly says Josslyn told her that they wanted work on the planner. Kim says they want to cross things off the list, and hopes they didn’t do anything foolish.

Oscar tells Josslyn that he wants to stay; he likes it there. Josslyn thinks he’s just saying that to make her feel better about her brilliant inspiration being a total lapse. He says she’s more disappointed than she is. She wishes she could make it better, and he says she is, by being there. She says she’s been wishing for miracles, even though she knows he hates them. Wishing for them and hating them are both weird. He says he hates how people use them as an excuse not to talk about death. He’s dying, and maybe he wants to talk about it now and then. Josslyn says if he wants to talk about death, they can. She can’t promise not to get emotional, but anything he wants to say, she’ll listen. He can’t imagine being gone. He imagines what it would be like to climb Mount Kilimanjaro with his dad. He doesn’t think as much about the actual climbing, since that requires training; just about being at the top. She’s with them sometimes, and sometimes, it’s just her and him. That’s when it’s the most beautiful. The worst part of thinking about dying is leaving her, and how much he’ll miss her. He puts his arm around her, and she snuggles against him.

Willow tells Chase the baby’s father couldn’t be in the picture for all kinds of reasons. She tells herself that she did the right thing, but knowing her son is out there, and someone else is holding him is more painful than she imagined. She says now she’s completely derailed the evening, but he says, not at all. He’s glad she told him. So is she, but she still thinks she should go. Chase says he’ll walk her to her car.

Michael tells Laura that he heard chatter on the police radio that evidence was found in Lulu’s office. Sonny asks if it’s enough to ID the killer, but Michael doesn’t know. Laura says there were officers everywhere, and the killer still managed to attack her daughter. She doesn’t know what it will take to stop him.

Curtis sees a bloody footprint on the floor, and says, jackpot. Jordan says they’ve finally caught a break. The killer has stared making mistakes. Curtis says if they find the owner of the shoes, they’ll find the serial killer.

Ava tells not-Doc that Lulu is’t good. She may not make it. He heaves a sigh of relief, but says, that’s just awful. Ava shows him his shoes, which are in a bag, and says she’ll make herself useful. She’ll take those home, and bring back some slippers for him. She leaves.

Elizabeth tells Anna that Lulu was attacked. She’s in surgery, and Doc is in the hospital too. He says he can’t see. Anna tells Finn that they need to find Doc.

Carly tells Elizabeth that she’s been calling Josslyn and Oscar, and getting no response. She asks if Elizabeth can call Cameron.

Josslyn is freezing. She suggests they go back to her house, make popcorn and hot chocolate, and watch a movie. Oscar passes out. Josslyn tells him it will be okay.

A lot of collapsing going on today.

Tomorrow, Chase introduces his godson to Willow, Oscar wonders how they’ll get out if Josslyn doesn’t go for help, and Carly tells someone Josslyn is in trouble.

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa arrives at SUR, which is now open for brunch. Billie wanted to host something to promote the LGBTQ profile, and it’s packed. Lisa asks why James is there, and he says he’s there to say hi to Billie. Lisa says Billie defended James at the meeting, and he says he came to support her brunch. Lisa is glad to see him sober. Billie comes over and says people are loving it. She’s grateful to Lisa. Lisa talks about going to Stassi’s new event.

Stassi is on the phone, setting up photos. Outfit of the Day is now a holiday she started. Beau comes out in overalls, and she’s like, no. He says he’s comfortable. She asks if he can find something to wear that he’s just as comfortable in, but that’s not that. The day is about being yourself, and expressing your individuality and unique style, but she has to draw the line somewhere, and the line is at overalls. She explains that she found a company where she could submit a holiday. They told her to get a website up, and it was approved. In her interview, she says Patrick thought OOTD was cringy, and she’d have to sneak off to take photos. Beau is supportive, even making her a hashtag to hang up. She tells him that she’s doing everything to be good, but no matter what, her mom constantly tells her that she’s not good. We flash back to one of the many times in two episodes that Dayna was being an a-hole. Stassi says she needs a break from her mother. Beau tells her not to get wrapped up in all that, and she says she’s a holiday owner now.

Billie says it’s all about the good vibe. Kristen comes in with Katie, and Billie wonders why she’s there. Tom says, she’s been banned from the restaurant four times, and Billie says, Lisa needs to re-ban her. In Billie’s interview, she says, starting sh*t is Kristen’s thing, and her energy smells like dogsh*t. My question is, why is Billie looking like a somewhat dowdy 50s housewife? She goes over to their table, and says it’s random to see them there. The last time they talked, it wasn’t good. They were talking about James negatively. Kristen says Billie doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and Billie says he’s one of her close friends. Kristen doesn’t think Billie should be friends with him at all, but Billie says Kristen is holding a lot of anger, and campaigning hate. Katie says Billie is campaigning to get Kristen banned. In her interview, Katie says, there are bottles of tequila behind the bar that have been at SUR longer than Billie. Billie says she doesn’t want drama, and Kristen says she’s there as a customer, and Billie is creating drama at her table. Kinda weird. Billie tells them, enjoy brunch, and disappears, poof! because she knows what Kristen said is true.

Stassi tells us this is the begging of the empire she wants to create; her own version of Lisa’s empire, but instead of classic elegance, National OOTD day is more like, basic bitch. Tom says since he’s off duty, he can flex his OOTD. Schwartz wants a National Mumu Day.

Jax wonders if he was disrespectful. Brittany tells Jax that she hates conflict, especially with Lisa.

Katie tells Scheana what happened with Billie. Lala says it’s pathetic. She tells the girls that she’s going to the studio with James tonight. Katie wanted them come over to make flyers. In her interview, Katie says she wanted the girls to come together and make something new for Tuesdays. Katie is confused as to why Lala wants to hang out with James, especially when they’re figuring out Tuesday. Lala says, at one point, James was her only friend. Kristen appreciates that, but she doesn’t know what to say. Katie thinks the only way James will hit rock bottom is if he thinks he won’t have Lala in his life. He thinks it’s all good now. In Lala’s interview, she says she let her guard down, and felt for James, but now that she’s been talking to Katie and Kristen, her gut is speaking to her. She feels like James played her again, and Lala is no fiddle

Lisa agrees with Stassi that dressing up enhances your self-esteem. Stassi gives an interview, saying she loves classic, feminine, timeless styles. Lala wants Tom and Ariana to make a baby. Ariana asks if she can do it in a test-tube, and wonders when men will be getting pregnant. In Tom’s interview, he says him getting pregnant might be the only way he and Ariana will have a baby. Knock him up. Lisa joins them. Tom wonders when the big reveal is. In her interview, Lisa says she and Ken have been working tirelessly on TomTom. We see a clip of that. She tells Tom it’s going to be in a few days when everything is unwrapped and in place.

Stassi has Beau check Instagram, and he says OOTD is on fire. Stassi is pleased that thanks to her, all these people are taking pictures of themselves in their outfits, when they’d never felt confident enough before. She wants to do it every year. More and more people will get involved, and one day it will be a federal holiday, and schools and banks will be closed. You’re welcome. She tells Beau that she’s going to try so hard, and puts a piece of burger in his mouth with hers. Bleh.

Brittany and Scheana take pictures in front of a flower wall. Brittany tells Lisa that she was a nervous wreck at the meeting. She doesn’t usually speak her mind. When she did, she didn’t want Lisa to get mad at her, but Lisa said she was disappointed. In Lisa’s interview, she says if she based every decision on business and money, Jax wouldn’t be there. She tells Brittany, when Jax was yelling, she didn’t need his input. Not everything is black and white. Jax joins them, and Brittany tells him they were talking about the meeting. Jax says when he sees his fiancé crying, he has to step up. Lisa say she’s not ready for his attitude again, but he says he’s just defending his fiancé. She says he doesn’t need to be negative and rude, and maybe she needs to teach him how. He thinks she should focus on James. Lisa says she doesn’t need him telling her that. In her interview, Brittany says that she used to think she made Jax look better, but now that they’re engaged, when he acts like this, he makes her look worse. Lisa says she was talking to Brittany. Jax says he just wanted to apologize, but Lisa says she missed the apology. Jax says he’s sorry, and Lisa thanks him. In Jax’s interview, he says he can’t win with Lisa. She’s always going to treat him like the old Jax. James could set fire to SUR, and she’d say, Jax, you thought about doing this. Brittany tells Lisa that she and Jax go at each other, but Lisa says he’s working for her, and needs to show respect.

Ariana goes to Katie’s. Katie says everyone is an hour late. Jax came by, yelling about how Brittany is stressing out. Ariana says she’s not doing this for the next year; making everything about the wedding. In her interview, Katie says Jax was screaming that Lisa was on Brittany’s case, and how no one believes he’s really changed. There’s eleven months until the wedding. Chill. The other girls arrive, and they discuss having a girl’s night. Katie says they’ll forget who James is. Brittany says they’re about to blow that sh*t out of the water. They don’t need James. Ariana says Tom is going to the studio with James, who asked him to bring his trumpet. She was like, Tom, please don’t.

But he did, and we hear him playing badly. He tells James to make him sound like Lala. James was expecting something sexy and sultry, which Lala could have given him. In his interview, he says he sees her in her Rolls with her coffee, and he’s paying out of pocket for studio time. If you say you’re going to come, show up. Tom doesn’t want the sound synthesized, and James says he loves the organic sound. In this case, I guess organic means bad. Tom asks if he’s as good as Lala, and James says, yeah, but I don’t think he’s saying that in his head. Tom asks if James and Lala are friends again, and James says, it’s complicated.

The girls decide on Girls’ Night In for the name of their event. Lala tells them that she loves them.

James says the girls act like they’re playing Duck, Duck, Goose; a child’s game. He wonders who the duck is that the chicks are following, causing his game reference to make no sense. That Katie is doing his Tuesday night is a gutting feeling. In his interview, James says Katie won’t stop reminding him what a bitch she is. She wants to change everything, but the people were coming there for him. James says he hopes it goes well. He sounds sincere, confusing me even more.

In Lala’s interview, she says every person in the world has seen her boobs, so she doesn’t mind bringing them out for a good cause. They create a flyer with the text covering Lala’s nipples: SUR presents Girls’ Night In. Katie thinks Jax should chill out. In her interview, Brittany thinks everyone is waiting for them to mess up. We flash back to various comments from the others about Jax. Brittany wonders when everyone is going to believe they’re happy. Brittany tells the girls that she’s on the brim of freaking out. She leaves, saying she’s not doing this sh*t anymore, but isn’t specific about what this sh*t is, other than saying something unintelligible about her relationship. Back home, she tells Jax that she’s going to lose it, and to give her a second.

Scheana thinks Brittany lets little things affect her in a big way. Jax quickly blows  in and out, the girls telling him to let Brittany freak out. Scheana gets a text from Brittany saying she’s not mad at them. She’s just having a bad weird day. Katie wonders if she’d feel this way if she wasn’t marrying Jax.

Jax asks if Brittany is all right; what’s going on? She says she’s about to lose it. These are her best friends, and Katie was complaining about Jax talking about the wedding. She keeps hearing everyone talking, and it’s giving her a pit in her stomach, thinking Lisa is mad at her. She feels like she’s constantly keeping the peace between Lisa and Jax. Jax says he was sticking up for her. She says she knows that, and Jax says he’s damned if he does, and damned if he doesn’t. She feels like they have to prove they’re in a great place, but Jax says only to themselves. In Brittany’s interview, she feels like their friends are pulling them back to the same place, and she just want everyone to be happy for them. Jax tells her, don’t worry about it.

Lala and Scheana go to see Lala’s acting coach, Shannon. In her interview, Scheana says she’s dusting off her acting chops, and went back to her old manager. She hasn’t been in class for a long time. She prefers cold reads, but she and Lala are doing some improv. Shannon tells Lala that she’s Scheana’s boss, and Scheana has been screwing up a lot at work. Scheana starts telling Lala her excuses, which sound exactly like things out of Scheana’s real life. In Lala’s interview, she says Scheana is being herself. She loves acting because she gets to be everyone who isn’t her, but Scheana is so vain, she can’t imagine being anyone else. Shannon wants to play with illusions, and tells them to act out orgasms. In Scheana’s usual TMI way, she says she’ll be great at this, since she never had one until last year. They both go for it, and Lala says the Oscar winning performance goes to Scheana.

Stassi visits Katie and Schwartz. Stassi tells Katie that #NationalOOTDDay got over a thousand posts. Katie says Stassi really turned it out. She’s excited for tonight. Schwartz says he likes to take the high road, but hopes they’re more successful than James. Katie wants make everyone happy whose been bummed, but then yesterday happened. Billie took to social media, saying the girls at her job didn’t include the trans girl. She’s trying to insinuate that they left her out because she’s trans. Ariana says she even asked Billie to come. Now she’s gone on a smear campaign. We see a clip of her asking Katie about inviting Billie, and Katie says everyone is invited, but she does need her to help. Katie says she doesn’t pretend to know the adversity Billie has come up against, but she’s had nothing but compassion and support.

Scheana doesn’t like what Billie has been saying on social media. It’s not about her being trans. Lala says it’s hurtful. In her interview, Lala says she liked Billie when they first met, but in the past year, she’s been nothing but rude. She stirs the pot, and now she’s liking posts that are saying the girls at SUR are transphobic. Now it’s a thing. Schwartz says if she feels left out, it’s a real thing, but she should have approached them personally. Katie says she only had the people over who were planning the party, but Billie was invited to the party. Stassi says Billie acts the opposite of what she says her message is.

At SUR, before Girls’ Night In, Peter tells Katie if they’re replacing James, he was there several nights a week. She says tonight isn’t about James, and it’s a trial run. Manager Diana tells her the room is packed. In her interview, Katie says they got a masseuse, a sparkle bar, and DJ Mickey. James isn’t the only person that can make a ton of money for SUR. Ariana brings in some fancy vodka for shots, promising it’s like liquid gold. Kristen says, it’s insane; so many people. In Stassi’s interview, she says they don’t need James to be successful.

Raquel asks James if every Tuesday night is going to be Girls’ Night, and James says he hopes not. Tom arrives. In his interview, Tom says he’d like to be at the first Girls’ Night In, but they’re having a night in with robes and rosé. He wants to make sure James knows he’s there for him. DJing on Tuesday nights was his identity. He says Schwartz says it’s already packed, and there’s a line out the door. In James’s interview, it pisses him off that Katie is having her night on Tuesday, and now Lala’s boobs are getting the credit.

The place is jumping, but people are packed so tight, I can’t imagine it’s very comfortable. Everyone is taking photos, and the girls are dancing on the bar, and pouring shots. Lisa tells Ken, the girls have done it. James won’t be thrilled, but she has to give the girls their due. She says, it must be girl power or p*ssy power or something. Billie arrives, whines that she wasn’t included, and didn’t know about the event until it was posted. I assume along with everyone else who wasn’t in on the planning, so…? In her interview, she says, as a child, she wasn’t allowed to go to girls’ things, and missed out on a lot. It made her feel like she was wrong, and she felt a rush of shame at not being included.

Ariana climbs over the bar, going over to see Billie. She says she doesn’t want Billie to feel excluded. And Billie asks why she left out the trans woman. Ariana says it’s becoming something it’s not. It’s her personal beef with Katie that has to be worked out. in her interview, Ariana says she’s in the middle of two girls who are her friends. She has empathy for Billie’s position, but at the same time, Billie just had an altercation with Katie. Ariana wouldn’t invite her either. Katie asks, what’s going on? and Billie repeats her gripe about not being included. Katie says, tonight is for everyone, so stop making it something it’s not. Her posts are perpetuating the insinuation that they’re discriminatory. Billie says they never included the trans woman. In Billie’s interview, she tells us that she never called them transphobic. She just liked a few comments from supportive people about being excluded. She tells Katie, an apology would have been good. Katie says Billie is the one who needs to apologize. Billie says Katie doesn’t get it. Cis privileged for sure. Katie tells her, stop it. Ariana wants them to be able to talk it out, but says no one is listening to her.

Katie tells Lala what Billie said about her being cis privileged. Lala says, eff that bitch. In her interview, Lala tells us that she doesn’t quite know what that means, but if it came out of Billie’s mouth, it’s effed up. 

Lisa tells Katie, it’s crazy, and asks if they’re doing this every Tuesday. Katie asks if Lisa wants them to, and Lisa says she does. Katie says she’ll do it. The line down the street blew her expectations out of the water, but to hear Lisa say it, confirms it. Katie tells the others, and they toast to Girls’ Night In. In Kristen’s interview, she dances around, saying she won. James is done.

Tom listens to his own playing, and makes faces, saying things like, that’s gotta go. He tells James, edit the sh*t out of that,

Lisa says, it’s a raving success. Billie joins her table, and Lisa asks if she’s having fun. Billie says, no. She wasn’t included in the planning, and didn’t know about it until it was posted. She says she wasn’t tagged in the original post. Lisa knows she’s coming from her trans experience of not being included, but she’s here. Billie ignores this, and says she’s trans and it’s Girls’ Night; her pronoun. They’re not being sensitive. Lisa gets how much Billie has endured, but thinks that’s a separate issue. The girls probably organized it between themselves, but that has nothing to do with Billie being trans. She’s never heard a negative comment about that, and everyone has had the utmost admiration for Billie. In Lisa’s interview, she understands that Billie’s had a difficult journey, but they’ve all been welcoming and supportive. Once again ignoring what Lisa just said, Billie tells Lisa that her feelings were hurt. Katie is crying about her weight all the time. Lisa says, it wasn’t deliberate, but Billie says if Katie can pull the fat card, she can pull the trans card. Lisa says she’s not hearing any more of this nonsense.

Next time, Billie tells Lala she’s not better than everyone just because she has a rich boyfriend, Lala calls Billie a psychopath, Tom has an 80s roller rink birthday party, and the big reveal.

👸 Interesting. IMO, they treated Billie exactly like one of the girls. If we’re pissed at you, we’re not including you in the planning of the party. She’s also seems to have confused the planning party (if you want to call it that) with the event itself. Seems to me they never even considered her to be anything but one of the girls. and it’s her own projection. I get why, but she needs to woman-up and admit she’s wrong. On Twitter.

📺 I saw a preview for Mexican Dynasties, premiering Tuesday, February 26th at 10 pm, and it looks good. Don’t Be Tardy starts its new season on Sunday, February 17th at 9 pm. As much as I don’t care for Kim Zolciak, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and especially Kim on RHOA, I like this show. Zany is the perfect word for it.

🙊 After Watch What Happens Live, at 11:30, Bravo aired a new show, Dating: No Filter, and I think it’s a keeper. It’s like People’s Couch, but the people on the couch are critiquing couple’s first dates. The dates were pretty awful, but the critiques were funny as hell. They’re airing episodes all week at 10:30 pm on E!

Gay guy after being asked by his date if his family knows he’s gay: We haven’t had that talk yet.

Commenter: Have they seen that shirt?

📓 BTW, Andy Cohen has a stenographer? Stenographers still exist who aren’t retired?

🏥 Leida Continues Her Pursuit of a Medical Career…

No, wait. She doesn’t.


The Instagram post where she promises we’ll never have to see her on TV again. I believe it if you believe it.


😍 Because I Love Her…

No surprise, Lady Gaga’s Vegas looks are incredible.


🎶 Since We’re On the Subject…

My favorite Gaga song.


September 27, 2015 — Fairy Tales, Zombies & Kim, Oh My!


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)


Once Upon A Time

This show seems like it’s written by a bunch of ex-Disney employees on cocaine. Or as Mr. Hand would say, “on dope.” And I mean that in a good way. You never know who is going to show up – Cinderella, King Arthur, the Wicked Witch of whatever direction is in vogue. I’m waiting for the Peanuts gang to stop by any second.

I’d watched some of the show before the season premiere, where the cast and writers answered fan’s questions. Apparently, this show has achieved mini cultlike status. I didn’t think I was the only one watching it, because it keeps getting renewed, but I hadn’t realized how attached many people are to it. They continually said that it’s a “story about hope.” I can’t say I read a lot into it myself, although I do have shows and movies I feel that way about, so I’m impressed. My reasons for watching are much more shallow. The fabulous sets and costumes, and Captain Hook. He ain’t Walt Disney’s Captain Hook. It is also a lot of fun, characters from every favorite childhood story, living normal lives in a parallel world, while they wield their magic in whatever world they came from, be it Neverland or an enchanted forest. Bet you never knew Snow White and Prince Charming had a daughter. Frankly, I never thought about it much either, but that was the crux of the story and it blossomed from there.

Note to whoever does blonde hair on television shows – stop giving the women those silver highlights. They look like they have grey hair. Unless that’s the look you’re going for. That being said, I want to know who designed Emma’s coat in tonight’s episode. It is beyond.

Commercial break. Shouldn’t the “Little People Big Animal Zoo” be called the “Little People Big Animal Habitat?” Just sayin’.

This season, they’re adding Camelot to the mix and I’m wondering if Monty Python’s Flying Circus will come along? The special effects are also a lot of fun, and tonight Sneezy got turned into stone and crumbled into dust. He never did get any respect.

And whatever happened to Pongo?

Fear the Walking Dead

I got confused for a second with it starting off with some guy talking about being a closer, saying he can sell anything but insurance, like he’s a leftover from an Allstate commercial. We’re in some kind of holding tank, which I assume is the quarantine area. Nick is also there.

All right! The Walking Dead is coming back October  11 – Daryl & zombies!

Daniel’s daughter, Ofelia, is hopping up and down and creating a scene at the fence. She wants to see her mother. She tries to get others to go along with her complaining, but no one wants to get involved. Andrew, a soldier she befriended earlier, intervenes. Some guy in the background has had enough and is quitting the soldier business.

In the infirmary, Liza has been recruited to help with the sick. Dr. Exner says they’re short staffed and doesn’t explain where some of the staff went. I’ll bet I can guess.

Meanwhile, back at Madison’s place Chris basically tells Travis he’s a pacifist tool and storms off. Madison finds that Daniel has captured Andrew, who I assume he’s going to pump for information. Andrew gives him a bunch of rhetoric, telling them everything is cool. We all know everything is not cool, except for Travis who lives in Dream Valley with the My Little Ponies. He’s gone off to reason with his buddy, Lt. Moyers, and more rhetoric is given. Travis tells him that if the people who were taken don’t come back soon, the town is not going to be happy. This was really a stupid move, since he gets taken to “see the doctor,” which I think is a euphemism for “you’re not coming back.”

Lieutenant Dickweed will be lucky if his own men don’t end up killing him.

Oh look! It’s a zombie! I’d almost forgotten that’s what this show is about. Moyers wants Travis to kill it – I guess to make some kind of point. IMO this is akin to the Mafia guys in movies who always want to recruit civilians to be hit men. Probably not a good idea if you really want to get the job done. Travis can’t do it, so Moyers does, proving that Travis is willing to let someone else do the dirty work.

Commercial break. Into the Badlands looks amazing. It’s some kind of samurai drama. I don’t need another show to watch though. TV has got to stop being so good. Love those beer ads about “the most interesting man in the world.” IRL, he’s an animal activist. I read this in an article titled, The Most Interesting Man in the World Just Got More Interesting.

Back at the infirmary, a soldier has come in with bite marks and everyone gets real busy real quickly. Travis and the soldiers drive through an evacuated area that’s not so evacuated, since it’s crawling with zombies. When the soldiers are done doing whatever, Travis is told they’re taking him a few blocks away from home and he has to walk the rest of the way. What?!  Thanks a lot!

Apparently, Daniel knows a thing or two about torture and is skinning one of Andrew’s arms. Whoa.  Chris and Alicia have broken into a rich person’s house, play with their expensive toys and try on their expensive clothes. (An homage to the original Dawn of the Dead perhaps?) In the quarantine area, the soldiers are taking everyone’s temperature with a device that they can use from a distance. Cool! Nick’s temp is high (probably from withdrawal), but the Allstate guy keeps him from getting hauled away.

Ofelia is not too happy about Daniel’s means of getting information and walks out of the house. Lots of storming off tonight, even though there’s nowhere to storm off to. Daniel explains to Madison that he had told his daughter about the war he’s been through, but not what part he played in it. He says that sometimes it’s necessary to be evil in order to eradicate evil. He didn’t use those exact words, but I paraphrased. Not bad, eh?

Liza is combing the place for Griselda. She finds her among other “patients” in a locked area where all the people are wrapped up in what look like cocoons. Dr. Exner comes up behind her, and tells her that they have “septic shock” and there isn’t anything anyone can do. I’m guessing these are the people closest to death and they’re being kept far away and confined.

Chris and Alicia trash the rich people’s house just like normal teenagers. Travis makes it home and sees Ofelia practically catatonic.  He is totally appalled at Daniel’s behavior, but hey, it worked. Andrew is spilling everything. It turns out the soldiers are all going to book and the civilians are going to be “humanely terminated.”

The Allstate guy is amused that the people who have everything are now being looked at as lunch. He knows what’s happening with the evacuation, and wants Nick’s help. I’m pretty sure that this guy doesn’t do anything without wanting a favor in return.

Griselda is babbling in Spanish about the past which means I have to read subtitles. Afterward, she promptly dies. Why they have un-cocooned her, I have no clue. That seems kind of dangerous, and the doctor has just said they all come back and to shoot her in the head with some kind of gun used for livestock, which Liza does.

Why the blip is Daniel roaming about alone at night? He wanders all the way to the Los Angeles Arena, where the soldiers have chained a whole load of zombies inside. He watches as the doors begin to shake, reminiscent of when Rick finds the chained doors in the first episode of The Walking Dead. The only thing missing is the warning DO NOT OPEN – DEAD INSIDE.

It looks like next week, we will get full on zombies.

Best quote by Lt. D-bag: I can do anything I want. I got guns.

Don’t Be Tardy

This is one of those shows that I can take or leave, but really enjoy it when I take it. Despite her recent airport tantrum (who hasn’t at least thrown one in their head?), Kim and the rest of the Biermanns seem like lovely, normal (albeit rich) people.

Tonight, Kim made a speech and she got my vote for best real quote of the night. Maybe the year. While addressing a group of women, she said, “Can you imagine if [women] truly shared what they know with each other, how successful they would be?” She said this after talking about how some women will resent others doing well. Brava, Kim! I’ve thought that for a long time.

Don’t Be Tardy also got the award of the millennium for being a true glimpse of reality. Their dog took a poop and promptly ate it, causing Troy to convulse in laughter, and the girls to screech at the top of their lungs. It doesn’t get more real than that.

August 24, 2015 — GH, the OC & Some Biermanns


What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Nah. It’s not Nina who killed Silas. And it’s not “Breaking News” either – wtf with this interruption? The news comes on at 4, is this really necessary? If our shores are being attacked, please let me know, but don’t tell me about a bus crash/fire/shooting that you don’t even have the details on, that it’s still raining/snowing/sunny out, or give me a traffic report. I can guarantee you, that if I’m watching General Hospital, I’m not on the road.

A bit of Obrecht today. She’s become one of my favorite characters. Kathleen Gati is a wonderful actress, and I’ve especially loved her contributions to the Nurses Ball. My favorites have always been the villains – without whom we’d have no story – especially the ones who have what I call “the twinkle.” It’s that twinkle in the eye that tells you they’re having a great time playing this character, and they want you to come along for the ride. Faison also has the twinkle. A fan favorite, he refuses to die no matter how many times they kill him off. I was lucky enough to meet Anders Hove, once dubbed “the sexiest man in Denmark” (I concur), and he not only twinkles, he oozes old world charm. Having done a straight-to-video vampire series called Subspecies, I met him at a horror convention in NYC years ago. He was a guest along with Denice Duff, also a soap actress and his co-star in one of the films. Of course I brought a Soap Opera Weekly with me for him to autograph, but I wasn’t sure I was going to get it back, as he & Denice were having such a great time looking at the magazine. At the time, we were promised a prequel Subspecies film, the story involving the history of his character, Radu, prior to becoming a vampire. I was all for this, as I wanted to see him in a film where he wasn’t salivating blood throughout the whole thing. Alas, it never happened, but I still hold out hope. After all, Bruce Campbell finally seems to be accepting the fact that he is Ash, so anything can happen.

OMG – Franco just “confessed” to save Nina. And he didn’t do it either.

The Real Housewives of the OC

Let’s just get right to it. I can’t stand Meghan. It’s surprising that she doesn’t trip all the time, since her nose is so far up in the air. She married into money and it’s a good thing because she’s so brainless, I can’t imagine her functioning in the real world. Although she’s his 4th wife and he seems like a real cretin, so I’m guessing it won’t last. Good luck when your time runs out. What I hate the most is, like Brandi who was recently shown the door from the NY Wives, she seems to be obsessed with knocking the other women because they’re older than she is. Does she think she’s going to remain 30 forever? (Not to mention that all of these women are gorgeous. We should all be so lucky to look like them when we’re “old,” which apparently in Meghan’s mind is 40 to 50.)

Wait, who are those extra women at the end of the table? Oh good, Meghan is crying. Boo…hoo…hoo.

Meghan is one of those women who likes to stir the pot and step back to watch the fireworks. Then, when they’re called on it, they pretend they don’t know what on earth anyone is talking about. (Otherwise known as Tamra Jr.) In a nutshell, Vicki’s (the OG of the OC) boyfriend, Brooks, has cancer. Chemotherapy does not seem to be working for him, so he’s decided to go a different  route. A few of the ladies (sans Vicki) had lunch with a psychic who claimed he “couldn’t see” Brook’s cancer. He back pedaled somewhat afterward, but it was too late. Because Meghan is so freaking narrow-minded and stupid, she can’t comprehend that there might be an alternative treatment other than chemo. (If she says “I can’t wrap my head around it” one more time, I’m going to scream.) She decided to pass this info along to a couple of the other Wives who weren’t at the lunch and this greatly disturbed Shannon, who is also a big believer in alternative medicine. At a subsequent dinner with Vicki and Brooks to celebrate Brook’s birthday, Shannon didn’t exactly let the cat out of the bag, but close enough, and Vicki got pretty upset. When she (Vicki) found out what was actually said, she was none too happy with Meghan.  After receiving a text from Vicki, Meghan insists that it was the psychic who said it, not her, and she is completely innocent. (Excuse me while I choke on my lemon seltzer.) When the ladies all get together for a dinner later, sparks fly, and the episode ends with Meghan calling Vicki “a bitter old woman who’s mad at the world.” What is wrong with this girl? When I was 30, hell, when I was 20, I had the ability to understand that there were things outside the realm of my own experiences, and knew that I would one day age, gleaning from my elders rather than insulting them because they dared to get old. And for someone who claims they “own” everything they say or do, she’s better than Taylor Swift at shaking it off. I can’t wait until that tool of a husband dumps her and she has to get a real job. I’m going to laugh my ass off.

What is really despicable – and there are several Wives who do this – is when nasty comments are made under the guise of being “honest,” or even worse, “caring.”

Shannon’s birthday dinner doesn’t go much better. She and her husband are in counseling, trying to keep their marriage together after his affair. Not only is her birthday reminding her 50th the year before, where David went off to see another woman after “seeing” her, David takes her and their daughters to a sports bar for dinner. Not exactly Shannon’s cup of tea. I’ve heard these two are doing well now, and I’m very glad to hear it. While David is not a favorite of mine, I like Shannon. There are times when she can act batsh*t crazy, but she has reason to be emotional, and this is not the easiest bunch to deal with. I like her sense of humor and I honestly think she’s one of the most real of all the Wives.

Heather sure is having a big house built. The first thing I thought was, more house, more incentive to save junk you don’t need. I’m assuming they have household help, but I just don’t see having a house a mile wide. I’m not that good of a roller skater.

Don’t Be Tardy

Just a quickie here. I have a weird relationship with this show. Since Kim Zolciak (now) Biermann has spun off from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I remain ambivalent on one hand and hypnotized on the other. I constantly say I’m going to skip the show because my television plate is already too full, but I end up seeing one of the late night reruns (excuse me, encore performances) because I’m still up. And enjoying it.

I wasn’t that crazy about Kim when we first met her on the Wives. I was in agreement with Nene Leakes when she said the infamous words, “Close your legs to married men.” But Kim’s daughters seemed so well-adjusted, I knew she couldn’t be all bad. Adding husband Kroy to the mix confirmed that. Highly doubtful that he would have married her, had she been the gold-digging shrew The Wives portrayed her to be.

My hat’s off to the Biermanns. They seem like a lovely, loving family, captivating in the crazy way they function. I especially applaud Kim and Kroy’s parenting skills, and how they ride the fine line between spoiling the kids (because, face it, they have the bucks, so why not?) and keeping them disciplined and grounded.

Maybe that’s why I always end up watching them. Every family is dysfunctional, but they have a knack for making it function for them.