Tag Archives: Lisa Vanderpump

March 31, 2020 – Jordan Involves the DOJ, Two Pranks Are Played, Loving Is Back, a Last Season, New GH Schedule, Soaps Rate, Okay Andy & Tired


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the very beginning, because I was running early. Why, Lord, why?

At the MetroCourt, Lulu sees Brook. Dustin asks if Lulu is sure this is a good idea. Does she remember what happened the last time? She says she remembers exactly what happened.

Trina apologizes to Cameron for being late. She lost track of time talking to Ava. Cameron says, it’s totally fine. Everything good? She says, yeah. Him? He flashes back to the kiss, and Trina saying, if she’d lost him, she wouldn’t be able to do any of this, and him saying, neither could he. He tells Trina, it’s all good.

Portia tells Curtis, she knew there was a lot Taggert couldn’t tell her, and frankly there was a lot she didn’t want know. Even when they were breaking up, she still cared about him, and he did everything he could to reassure her. Curtis says, she suspected it was Cyrus when Taggert was killed. He must have told her something about the investigation. She asks why it’s important, and Curtis says he and Jordan are always trying to figure out what to bring home, and what to leave at the office. It must have been the same with them.

Laura goes to the station, and sees Mac. She asks if Jordan is in her office, but he says she’s in a meeting. Laura asks if Mac means Jordan is interrogating a suspect, and Mac says he means she’s in a meeting. Laura gets that Mac isn’t used to her being mayor, but she has to ask him what’s going on.

In the interrogation room, Cliff sets up a recorder, and says, it’s an interview with Jordan regarding the arrest and conviction of Cyrus Renault. He asks if Jordan consents to the recording. She does, and he tells her to please explain her involvement in the arrest and conviction of Cyrus Renault.

Alexis says Finn doesn’t seem surprised to hear that she fell off the wagon. He says he feels terrible that he missed her call, but she says it’s not his job to keep her sober; it’s hers. Last night, she let her team down. He says they’re on the same team. If she has some time, he’d like to talk. She says she had one drink, but he says they both know it’s never just one. Alexis says, it’s all she had, and he says she’s been sober almost three years. What changed? She says, apparently, she did, or that’s what she was told. It’s the truth. He says, and that’s bad because… She says, because she stopped fighting for herself and what she believes in. Instead, she protected someone and crossed the line. He says she’s not first person to ever do that. What’s so horrible that she would end three years of sobriety? She says she slept with the person she protected, and she knew it was wrong, but the worst thing is that she’d do it again in a heartbeat. He says he believes her, and asks if she slept with them because she had a drink, or did she drink because she slept with them?

Julian and Britt cuddle in bed, and Julian says, he can get used to this. She tells him to remember their deal. It’s just fun, and at the end of the day, he goes his way and she goes hers. Britt says she probably should go, and he asks if it’s visiting hours at the jail. She says she’s already seen her mother, and once is enough. He asks if Obrecht is still claiming Peter framed her, and she says her mother lives by the motto, deny, deny, deny. She never takes responsibility for her crimes. He says, unlike Britt’s best pal Brad. He can’t believe Brad was involved in a baby switch, and she says Brad isn’t the villain Julian wants him to be. Julian knows Brad is Britt’s best friend, but Brad did betray his son’s trust in the worst possible way. She says, things are not always black and white. If he took the time to understand… He says, like her? She says she and Brad are kindred spirits. Now Brad is in prison, and they can only interact through a glass partition. She’s lost her best friend, and doesn’t know how she’s going to replace him in her life. Brad is the only person who got her, and without him, it feels pretty lonely.

Ned tells Brook, no one would be thrilled with a rematch, and she says, Lulu is a smug self-righteous, spoiled brat. There’s no way she’s letting Lulu win. He says, it’s not a competition. Blame him. He shouldn’t have forced her to work at ELQ. He’s going to find her a job more suitable to her talents. She says her talents belong on stage, and that’s exactly where she’s going.

Dustin says, the mess with Brook is over, isn’t it? and Lulu asks why she should go easy on Brook. He says, Brook is social media’s new punching bag, and she’s been beaten enough. She says, tell her that he doesn’t feel sorry for Brook, and he says he knows the reason Lulu resents Brook; she was desperate to become a success, like him. She says Brook dumped him because he couldn’t help her, but she has better things to do than scratch Brook’s eyes out, as much as she’d like to. He says, name one, and she says, this. They kiss, and Olivia approaches their table. She asks if anyone would care to hear the specials.

Trina asks Cameron how practice is going, and he says, good, but weird. It kind of freaks him out. When he’s playing, his focus is totally on the ball. She says, it’s not weird. She gets the same feeling at the gallery. It’s all about the work. She forgets the drama, and the questions that have no answers. He says he thought her mom didn’t like Ava, and Trina says, her mom doesn’t, but she does. She can talk about anything to Ava. He says that’s like him and Franco, and she asks what they talk about. He says, they were just talking about his last session with Dr. Bern. She says, Dr. Bern? Isn’t he… Cameron says, a therapist, yes. His mother thought he needed someone to talk to because… She asks if he thinks he needs a therapist, and he says, now she sounds like Dr. Bern. He agreed to go so his mother would stop treating him like a basket case. Trina says, he’s entitled to be a basket case, but he says she went through a lot more. She tells him not to compare their tragedies. She’s glad he can talk to Franco, and he says he’s glad she has Ava, but be careful; Josslyn doesn’t trust her. Trina says she gets why, but her experience is completely different, and Ava has been supportive. She wonders why something awful has to happen before they realize they’re not alone. He says that’s a good question, but he doesn’t have an answer.

Curtis asks Portia if Taggert was the kind of guy who brought his work home with him, and she says, sometimes. He says, even when it came to Cyrus? and she asks why he cares. He says he’s just curious because she mentioned balancing work and married life. She asks why it matters now.

Jordan says she was part of a four member team at the DEA. They were a task force assigned to Cyrus. Her, Bob, Mark, and Taggert. All three died in a three month period. Two from overdoses, who had no history of drug use, and Taggert was murdered. She became concerned and went over the DEA files. That’s when she realized there were discrepancies in the evidence. Cliff asks her to elaborate, and she says, upon further examination, she saw the material evidence used to convict Cyrus may have been fabricated. He asks if she knew they’d been obstructing justice, but she says she just had a sneaking suspicion.

Laura knows Mac was working on figuring out how Cyrus got messages from prison out to the street, but Mac says, so far, they have nothing. Laura wonders if the lead is in front of him, and he asks if she’s suggesting they have a dirty cop. She hopes not, but somebody is helping Cyrus. Jordan and Cliff come out of the interrogation room, and Jordan looks at Laura.

Cliff says, now the DOJ will have to be involved, and trusts Jordan won’t leave town. She says, of course (🍷) not. Mac asks, what’s going on? and she says, long story. It will have to wait. He says what’s more important if it involves the people he works with? but she says, it doesn’t. It’s about her and Cyrus. She leaves, and Mac and Laura look at each other.

Trina and Cameron walk as they talk. Trina says Josslyn and Dev can’t leave the property without a security guard. It would make her rip her hair out. It was bad enough with her mother texting her ten times a day, and monitoring where she is. He asks if her mother has backed off yet.

Lulu tells Olivia, she’s sorry about trashing the restaurant, but Brook started the fight. Olivia asks if that was before or after Lulu doused Brook with champagne. Lulu says Brook has done nasty things to her, but Olivia says Lulu has done the same. Like printing Brook’s careless post in The Invader. By the way, that’s not even her beat. Lulu says she didn’t tell Brook to post it in the first place, but even if she hadn’t written about it, someone else would have. Olivia says, it wasn’t someone else; it was Lulu. She gets that Dante is gone, and Lulu is acting out. What she doesn’t understand is that in moving on, why Lulu has turned her back on Olivia and the family. She says she thought Lulu was part of the family, and walks away.

Ned knows Brook has a plan to secretly write and record until she gets her creative property rights back, but does she think it’s a good idea to go on stage? Brook says she doesn’t need to be secretive anymore. She found a way out. He says Diana and ELQ”s lawyers couldn’t break Brook’s contract, and Brook found a way? She says she didn’t need to. After Ned decided to embarrass her, she decided to give Linc what he wants. He says, she’s not going to have… and she says, no. All he needs to know is that she’s now free and clear of her soul-sucking contract. He says it’s not all needs to know. What did she give Linc to make him walk away?

Julian tells Britt, there are way more appropriate candidates for best friend than Brad. She just looks at him, and he says he’s sorry she lost her best friend. Would she like a drink? She asks if by other candidates, he means like him, and he asks if that’s so horrible. Does she have something in common with more upstanding citizens in Port Charles? She says her alleged crimes were an act of love. She doesn’t think holding a knife to his ex’s throat is considered an act of love. Julian says he and Alexis are in a better place now, and she asks if Alexis forgave him. Julian says Alexis got therapy, and Britt says her therapist must be good. As she remembers, Alexis doesn’t forgive so easily. He says, so good, Alexis fell for him. She’s stopped therapy, but hasn’t stopped seeing Dr. Bern. Britt says, Dr. Bern? and Julian asks if she knows him.

Alexis tells Finn, her reasons for drinking are complicated, and he says, they usually are. Would one of the complications be Julian? She doesn’t blame him for coming up with that, but Julian was a good guy, and picked her up the bar. Sam called her coward. He says, and Alexis believed her? She’s fearless and courageous, but Alexis says she lacked courage when the going got rough. Maybe she drank because she can’t be with the guy. Finn says it sounds like she cares about him very much, and she says, it’s just… Neil walks in, and a lightbulb comes on over Finn’s head.

Neil says he thought there was a staff meeting there. Alexis says, it was an AA meeting, and Neil says maybe he got the meeting wrong. Finn says he’s got the wrong room, and tells Neil where it is. Neil says he’s going to bring a GPS next time, but Finn says, when he’s been there a while, he’ll figure it out. Finn kept thinking the supply closet was the on-call room. Alexis says she has to take off, and Neil says he does too, but Finn asks if he can asks a couple of questions. It will just take a minute. He wants to pick Neil’s brain about a patient, and it might have legal complications. Alexis says she has a meeting, and Neil says he’ll be late, but Finn ignores them. He says he’s been treating a patient who’s taken a series of experimental drugs, and is now confessing to bizarre crimes. Maybe the crimes are real; maybe they’re the patient’s imagination. Or maybe it’s their mental illness. Neil and Alexis look at each other, and flash back to their night in the hotel. Finn asks what Neil thinks. Side effects of the medication, or should he investigate if these are true confessions?

Britt tells Julian, she knew Neil looked familiar, but now she’s heard his name in context with Alexis. She had a layover in New York City, and went shopping. She stayed at the nicest hotel, and when she was on her way back to her room, she saw a man about to knock on a door. She didn’t think anything of it, but when the door opened, Alexis stepped out. She was about to say hi, when they fell into each other’s arms, and went back into the room. The guy was Dr. Neil Bern.

Lulu asks Dustin if Olivia was right. Was she desperate to punish Brook, and didn’t care who she hurt? Don’t be the supportive boyfriend, but tell her the truth. He asks if he can’t be both. He tells her, she’s caring, passionate, and impulsive, which aren’t bad things. They’re all reasons why he can’t get enough of her. But in her moving on, the hard part is, sometimes her impulses get out of control. She didn’t have to publish Brook’s post. It could have disappeared into the blogosphere, and no one would have been the wiser. She did it to get back at Brook.

Brook says, Ned likes to keep his business dealings private, and so does she. Her phone rings, and she says it’s her new PR guy; she has to run. As she heads to the elevator, on the phone, she says she has good news for him; he’s going to love it. Olivia asks Ned why every time she sees his daughter smiling, she knows all hell is about to break loose?

Trina tells Cameron, she and her mother have established some ground rules. They made them together. Her mom will give her space as long as Trina doesn’t scare her with radio silence. He says, sounds like a plan, and she says she knows his mom has rules; what about Franco? He says, Franco isn’t big on rules. Trina gets a text from Josslyn, and says she was supposed to text yesterday, and forgot. He asks what Josslyn said about… The last time they were all together, trying to study Shakespeare, Trina left. He knows why she left, but Josslyn didn’t. Unless… Trina didn’t tell her that they kissed, did she?

Portia doesn’t get why Curtis cares so much what went on between her and Taggert. Why is it important? There’s a knock at the door, and Jordan pops in. She says she’s sorry. She didn’t know Curtis would still be there. Portia says Curtis was just asking if she and Taggert talked about his work. Curtis says he was wondering about the Cyrus investigation, and Portia says she told him that Taggert really didn’t talk about his work at home. Jordan says, good. The less Portia and Trina have to do with Cyrus, the better. Portia says, it’s a little late for that. Her daughter was already kidnapped, and her father was shot in front of her. Jordan says she’s sorry. She’s afraid she has more bad news. Portia says, it’s not Trina, is it? but Jordan says, no. Trina is fine as far as she knows. She just met with a detective from Internal Affairs, and he’s asked the Justice Department to open an investigation involving Taggert’s handling of the case against Cyrus.

Alexis tells Finn, from a legal standpoint, policies would have to be investigated. Neil says he’ll work on whether it’s delusion or medication. Finn thanks them both, saying he appreciates it. He asks Alexis, lunch tomorrow? and she says, coffee. He says, sounds good, and leaves. Alexis walks into the office, and Neil closes the door. He says he knows it’s none of his business, but Finn seemed concerned about her. She says it was a post AA meeting; a double-checking thing. Neil says, he’s concerned, but she says she’s fine. Really. He says, every time a patient feels compelled to use the word really, it makes him concerned. She says she’s not a patient anymore, and he says, as one friend to another, can he help?

Julian tells Britt, Alexis’s therapist took advantage of her, but Britt says, Alexis is a grown woman, and as far as she could tell, wanted it as much as Neil did. Julian says, there are rules against that, and she says, it’s ironic that Julian has rules. He says, if Neil is ignoring that, he’ll have to remind him. He’s heading over to GH now. She says, to do what? Ride Neil? She doesn’t think that’s a good idea. Alexis can take care of herself. He says, if she wants to worry about someone, worry about Neil. She says, all she wants to know is if he’s giving her a ride, or does she have to call Ride Share? He says, let’s go, and they leave.

Dustin says, too much honesty? but Lulu says, no; he’s right. So was Olivia. She was acting out, but Brook goes out of her way to be antagonistic, and she wanted to get back at her. She’s a bad person. He says, she’s a wonderful person, but she says, with so many flaws. He says, perfection is overrated.

On the phone, Brook tells her PR guy, if they ask about the big blow up, say no comment, and move on. The less said about it, the quicker it will blow over. She’ll be posting behind-the-scenes footage of her new material. Lulu approaches, and says she knows Brook heard her. Brook says, she’s ignoring Lulu. Take the hint. Lulu asks Brook to hear her out.

Trina says, Josslyn has no idea she and Cameron kissed, and he says, thank God. It would make things awkward. She says, a little bit, and he asks what she ended up telling Josslyn. She says she told Josslyn things were weird because of what happened to her dad, which is actually true. They were all traumatized, and none of them is thinking clearly. Josslyn understood completely. He says he’s glad to hear it, and she says she’s got to run. She promised to meet her mom at the hospital. He says he has  to meet his mom too; can he join her? She says, sure. What are friends for? I’m disappointed.

Portia doesn’t understand. She says Cyrus was found guilty, and sent to prison years ago, and Taggert is dead. Why revisit the case? Jordan says the other two members of the team were also killed in the last three months. She questioned the circumstances of their deaths, and searched for why they were singled out. She found proof that they fabricated the evidence that put Cyrus away. Portia says, they falsified evidence? and Jordan says, they were desperate for a conviction, and Cyrus was too good at not getting caught. She’s sure they felt it meant saving lives. Portia says, that could explain a lot about what happened in the marriage. With Taggert, everything was black and white; there were no grey areas. If he violated his own code, it would have eaten him up inside. I note that Jordan has officially replaced Jason in making the best worried face ever.

Laura thanks someone on the phone, and says she’ll be in touch. She tells Mac, it’s true. The DOJ is doing an investigation. They’ve ordered a complete review of the evidence that put Cyrus in prison. Apparently, Taggert worked with the other two agents to plant evidence against him. Mac says, no. He worked with Taggert for years, and Taggert never bent the law. He had a deep loathing for any officer who did. Laura says, if Jordan thinks there’s a possibility he crossed the line, they have to take it seriously.

Portia says, Taggert and his colleagues were killed for putting Cyrus in prison. What about Jordan? Where does she factor in? Curtis says, Jordan worked inside to gain Cyrus’s confidence. Portia says, so she was working independently of the team? and he says, right. Portia says, Taggert didn’t tell her; they left her out? He says, that’s right. Jordan knew nothing about it.

Olivia wonders how Brook got out of her contract, and Ned says she wouldn’t tell him, and he didn’t push her. He had the feeling no amount of pressure would make her talk. Maybe grandfather had the right idea about tough love. Olivia says that would let him off the hook. Now he doesn’t have to feel guilty about firing her.

Brook sits with Lulu and says, make it quick; she has a meeting with Lucy. Lulu says she didn’t know Brook was interested in real estate, and Brook says she’s not. Lulu says, skin care and cosmetics? Brook says, no. Her career is back on track. She’s launching her rebrand at this year’s Nurses ball. Dustin says, congratulations, and Lulu says, absolutely. She tells Brook, she’s not sorry she did her job as a journalist, but she could have contacted ELQ first, and given them a chance address the pharmaceutical branch that was closing. And it was wrong of her to spray Brook with champagne. So, are they good?

In the elevator, Britt tells Julian, take a deep breath, and do some quick elevator meditation. Don’t do anything he regrets.

Neil tells Alexis, there’s no rule that says she can’t turn to him for help. Alexis says, when she considers that, alarm bells go off inside her head. Neil says she called him last night, but she says, it was a mistake. She wasn’t in an appropriate state to see him. He asks, what state would that be? She shows him her one-day chip. Julian and Britt look through the window.

Mac tells Laura, there has to be more to the story, and she says, maybe there is, but she doesn’t know why Jordan wouldn’t have shared that. Mac says, she took the investigation at face value, but she knew Taggert better than anyone. Why would she have gone straight to IA? Laura says, maybe she couldn’t believe Taggert did something illegal. Mac asks if they just sit back and watch it play out, but she says, no. If something else is going on, she wants him find it.

Jordan tells Portia, she had no idea when Cyrus was originally tried that evidence was planted. Portia says, it’s not going to stay quiet for long. She has to find Trina and tell her what’s going on. Trina knocks on the door, and Portia says, better now than later. She opens the door to Trina and Cameron, and Trina asks, what’s going on? Why are they here?

Ned tells Olivia, Brook is his daughter. From the moment she was born, he started to feel guilty. She says, he had to fire Brook; he had no choice. The mess Brook brought back, she did by her lonesome. He says if Brook is back on track, he won’t feel so guilty, but she says if Brook isn’t willing to tell him exactly how it happened, she has some scheme or epic machination that’s going to blow up in everyone’s face.

Brook accepts Lulu’s apology, and they shake hands. Brook says she wants something in return, and Lulu says, name it. Brook says, Lulu’s boyfriend.

Alexis tells Neil, it’s the first day of her new life. She shows him her chip, and he takes her hand. He says he’s proud of her. Julian busts into the room, and grabs Neil, throwing him up against the wall. Alexis asks what Julian is doing.

Tomorrow, Valentin says Brook’s ELQ shares are officially his, Trina tells Portia not to believe Jordan’s lies, and Carly asks Brando when the other shoe is going to drop.

Vanderpump Rules

Ariana meets Lisa for riding. Lisa says she taught Prince to talk, and Ariana says she’s ready for this. Lisa calls Tardon, parlay! and Prince whinnies.

Katie visits Stassi, who’s on the couch, wearing a sleep mask. They have wine and burgers, and Stassi says, it’s just what she needed. The hangover struggle is real.

James makes bacon, and tells Raquel that he had the weirdest dream. Lala was in it. Raquel asks, why? and he says, because he was having an annoying night. We flash back to Tom’s birthday, and Raquel relaying to James that Logan had said he was at a party where people were getting effed up. Raquel says she has to ask; was James drinking at that party? He says, no. If he had, it would be a serious problem. He swears he hasn’t had a drank in six days, In his interview, he says he used to think if bad things happened, it was a good reason to drink, but hit doesn’t solve anything. He’s happy he didn’t.

Lisa tells Ariana that James quit drinking, and he’s getting help. Ariana says, it’s like déjà vu or Groundhog Day, but Lisa says she thinks the difference is that Raquel put her foot down. Ariana says you never know when James is going to snap, and Lisa says it’s when he has his first drink, but she thinks the tide has changed.

James tells Raquel that he’s been talking to Lisa every day.

Stassi can’t believe Katie is having a girls wine night party, but Kristen isn’t invited. Katie says, it’s happening. She’s met some new people, but hasn’t gotten to know them, so she’s invited Dayna, Danica, and Charli. She also can’t not invite Raquel if she’s invited the others. In Stassi’s interview, she says Katie has invited every single girl in West Hollywood, and Kristen is going to be pissed. Katie tells Stassi, if Kristen is going to act like that, she’s not inviting her.

Lisa says, when it gets to be too much, she goes to the stable. Ariana complains that her horse has a small wiener, and it’s embarrassing.

In his interview, Jax says he swore he’d never be at SUR when he turned 40, and at 40, he’s still there. Tom comes in, hungover and struggling. Jax suggests the hair of the dog. Raquel sees Scheana outside in the back, and Scheana says Raquel looked cute at Tom’s party. Raquel says Scheana looked hot, and Scheana says she had fun with her whip. Katie calls Raquel, and invites her to wine night tomorrow with the ladies. Raquel says she’d love to. In Raquel’s interview, she says, Katie has never been intentionally mean to her, but she’s never gone out of her way to be kind either. Scheana wonders how it’s going to be with Lala, and tells Raquel that she’ll have friends there. She can mediate if need be.

Brett has invited Scheana to make a YouTube video with him. In his interview, he says he does personal training, and has been successful on YouTube by being his authentic self. A lot of women follow him. He tells Scheana that he thinks women will identify with her, and what she’s been through as a young divorcee. He trusts her and she’s a friend. Scheana thinks they’ll become better friends, because this woman cannot take no for an answer. He thinks she’s awesome, but says he’d never want to hurt her by making her think there’s something that’s not there. He looks at her like a guy friend. Scheana, who only hears what she wants to, says, who knows; maybe one day. In Brett’s interview, he says he loves her as a person, but has no intention of taking he home. Scheana suggests they see where the world takes them.

Schwartz goes to Tom’s place, where Max has arrived ahead of him. In Tom’s interview, he says, people give him a hard time about not having furniture, but they have a couch and a credenza. They’re good. Tom says, it’s Jax’s birthday, and Brittany is taking him out to lunch. Now that they have houses, it’s open to the possibility of TP’ing them. Schwartz says, talking about it ruins it; it has to be spontaneous. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he’s all for a good prank, but because of the dynamic between Tom and Jax, he doesn’t know if they’re in a good enough place for that. Schwartz says he can’t do it today, as Tom pours beer in a funnel. He doesn’t mind pissing Jax off, but not on his birthday. Tom wants Schwartz to funnel beer, and Schwartz asks, what for? Tom says, for Jax, and Schwartz says, Jax isn’t here. Tom points to his heart, and says, Jax is here. In Max’s interview, he says Tom wants to beer bong and TP a house in the afternoon, but he has to go to work. He doesn’t think it’s the best idea. They sit by the pool, and Tom brings out shots. They toast to Jax’s birthday. Schwartz thinks instead of pranking Jax, they should lift him up, and show how much they love him. Tom says he’ll be back in fifteen, and Schwartz says, what if it rains? Tom and Max leave, but Schwartz stays behind. He can’t, he won’t, and he’s not doing it.

Tom and Max TP Jax’s house, and Tom says, it feels good. In Max’s interview, he thinks Tom is releasing some frustration against Jax; he’s fired up. The leave OLD FART in toilet paper letters on the street in front of the house. Jax and Brittany come home to trees laden with toilet paper, and Jax says, WTF? Are you effing kidding me? Who does that? Brittany says, what the hell is this? Jax sees the message, and says, these a-holes. This is going to suck. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s not that funny. He knows one of his friends did it, but doesn’t know which one.

Jax starts making calls. Tom says he didn’t have anything to do with it, and claims they got him too, and shows Jax his front yard with a few streams of toilet paper hanging from a tree. In Toms’ interview, he says, there are three things you need to get away with a prank. Confidence, an alibi with plausible details – Jax says it doesn’t look like as much in Tom’s yard, and Tom says they must have hit Jax’s house first –  and a couple of gullible friends. Brittany says Schwartz swears he didn’t do it. Jax says he knows Beau did it. Brittany shows Stassi the yard, and Stassi says, it’s so insane. In his interview, Jax says he’s going to find how who did this, and get them back.

Scheana tells Brett she went home with some guy from Tom’s party, but not the one she came with. She’s excited to be YouTube’ing with him. He sets up the camera, and says he’s there with a good friend; a homie. He introduces Scheana, and says she’s 34, and looks great. She highly recommends Botox. He says, she’s a middle-aged woman, and in her interview, Scheana wonders in what world she’s considered middle-aged. I too, am wondering. Brett says she’s been married and divorced, and she’s freezing her eggs, because right now, she’s not trying to have a baby. She says she’s not getting in another relationship or getting married unless the guy blows her mind. She’s been dating f***boys, and it’s fun. Brett says, you attract the energy you put out, and asks if she’s a f***girl. In Scheana’s interview, she wonders why she’s doing this interview. He stops filming, and she says she can be happy, single, and getting laid, or fat desperate and looking for love. I guess there’s no in-between? She says she doesn’t want a relationship. He calls her middle-aged again, and she says he keeps aging her. He clearly doesn’t know the definition because she has at least another ten to fifteen years. I get the feeling Brett isn’t the brightest bulb in the box, which is saying a lot since Scheana is no Einstein either.

Lisa explains to her housekeeper that she’s going to her mother’s funeral, staying one more day, and then coming back. In Lisa’s interview, she says the funeral was delayed, and it’s been overwhelming. Puffy! She tells Puffy not to be nervous. She’s going to call her other rescue boy, and see how he’s doing.

James asks Raquel what she’s going to say at the wine party when Lala comes at her. It’s going to be a feeding frenzy. Lisa calls, and asks if he’s doing okay, and he says he’s doing really well. He has a meeting tonight. She says she’s going out to London tomorrow, and just because she’s on the other side of the world, doesn’t mean she won’t know what’s going on. He says he’s taking it seriously. In her interview, Lisa says she doesn’t need another child, but James’s vulnerability tugs at her heartstrings. She’s invested a little in helping to get him there, and he’s going to do it. I want her to adopt me.

Katie makes charcuterie boards for the party. Stassi says, a lot of people are coming; Kristen is going to sh*t her pants. Katie says, life goes on without her, and Stassi says she understands Katie’s logic, but Kristen won’t.

Scheana can’t wait to call Kristen, and give her the news. Kristen says she’s prepping for Jax’s birthday party, and Scheana whines that Brett called her middle-aged. She tells Kristen that she’s heading over to Katie’s for girls wine night. Kristen says, that’s precious. Katie is her wine partner, and not inviting her. Scheana says, Katie has literally invited all of SUR. I forgot to mention, literally is literally every other word with this group, and I’m literally tired of it. If it was a drinking game, we’d be smashed in the first ten minutes of the show. Kristen asks if Lisa is going to be there, and Scheana says Lisa is in London for her mother’s funeral, but maybe she was invited. In Kristen’s interview, she feels like this is bullsh*t. Katie wants crazy Kristen, so she can justify it. She tells her dogs that they’re her two best friends. Which I actually (literally?) don’t think is a bad thing.

The girls start arriving. In her interview, Dayna says she grew up on Mad Dog 2020, and vodka from a box (is that a thing?), so she’ll drink whatever’s there. Scheana says she came in her pajamas; it’s been a long day. She did a YouTube video with Brett, and he called her middle-aged. Stassi says, he’s only two years younger than Scheana. They toast to girls night.

At TomTom, Max tells Tom, everything is good. Jax arrives, and says, the party’s here.

Brittany tells the girls that they’re having Jax’s birthday party at Rocco’s. It’s going to be an 80s theme.

Tom gives Jax a paper shopping bag. Jax takes out some toilet paper. In his interview, he says, if Tom wants to surprise him, show up with a fifth of vodka. There will be consequences.

Brittany wonders who TP’d the house. Jax thinks it’s Beau and Stassi. Stassi thinks it’s Tom, but Ariana says someone came to her house too. Brittany is still friends with Kristen, and asks if they’re still going to be able to hang out. Katie says they still have a wine inventory, but the friendship is off. Lala talks to Scheana on the porch, and says Raquel should feel lucky to be graced with her presence. In Lala’s interview, she wants Raquel to stay in her lane, and let people like her run sh*t. Lala goes inside, and says she wants to have a real talk with Raquel. Because a party is definitely the place to do that. She says she pulled Raquel aside because she as genuinely concerned about James, and wanted to make sure he was okay. Raquel says Lala turned it into an ugly thing, and focused on Logan. Lala says she was speaking; let her finish. Raquel forgot her place, but Lala will steer her back. Raquel says, Logan is obsessed with James. In her interview, she says, this is raw Lala. Lala sees her as vulnerable, and preys on it. If they can’t all agree Lala is a bully, they can agree she’s a bitch. Lala says she set up James with studio sessions, and wouldn’t say anything if she didn’t care. In Charli’s interview, she thinks maybe Lala still likes James, but you can secretly still like someone and secretly hate their girlfriend. I don’t see Lala as still being interested in James that way, but okay. Raquel says, James didn’t drink, and Lala says she’s missing the point, and ran off after she told Lala STFU. At her worst, Raquel is like a yapping chihuahua. Raquel says, Lala is a Rottweiler, and Lala says, no; she’s a Pitbull. Brittany says, they’re scaring her, and Stassi laughs. Lala tells Stassi, stay in her bubble. In Stassi’s interview, she says Lala is her girl, but right now, she has no leg to stand on. Lala says, don’t project on her what they want her to reflect. Huh?

In the car, Raquel tells James that she’s tired; it was a lot of wine. It was awkward. She and Lala argued, and everyone else was quiet. It’s been a week. James says it was weird before the meeting; he felt overwhelmed. He hasn’t shared yet. In his interview, he says he wasn’t sure what to expect, but he’s in a room full of cool people who have realized alcohol isn’t a cool solution to problems. Raquel drives him to a meeting.

Everyone gathers for Jax’s birthday party. Brittany thinks it’s weird how Jax wanted a theme, but he’s not willing to dress up for anyone else’s. Jax comes in looking like a poor man’s Brett Michaels. In his interview, he says he’s a huge 80s buff; it’s his decade. He would have dressed like this anyway. Tom gives Jax a gift, and it’s a samurai sword signed by Randy Jackson. In Tom’s interview, he says when he, Schwartz, and Jax lived together, they watched Step Brothers all the time, and the Will Ferrell character has a samurai sword signed by Randy Jackson. He called Randy’s assistant and had it signed. A producer asks what Jax got Tom for his birthday, and he says, um… He doesn’t think Jax got him anything. Schwartz gives Jax a fake, very lifelike, female foot. In his interview, Schwartz says, Jax likes dirty, filthy, stinky feet. He’s worried there’s a paper trail leading to him buying the foot, and he’s now on a list. Jax tells Brittany that she’s been replaced. Brittany tells Kristen, it was weird with her not being at wine night. It was fun, but crazy. In Kristen’s interview, she says Stassi and Katie were her L.A. family, and she doesn’t understand how you can cut family out. The point is that you stick together no matter what. She tells Brittany, they don’t want anything to do with her. Brittany says she sees both sides, but Kristen doesn’t know what their side is. She’s said things she didn’t mean and apologized, but she thinks they say things they mean.

Raquel waits for James after the meeting. When he gets in the car, he tells her that he shared for the first time. Raquel says, that’s amazing, and in James’s interview, he says his persona is DJ James, the life of the party. It’s been seven years of non-stop partying. Being vulnerable is difficult for him, and it’s going to be a day by day thing. He tells Raquel he was nervous. He felt like she did back in the day, giving a speech to her college class. He’s blessed to have figured it out now.

Randall tells Jax that when you’re in the 40 club with him, it’s not about TP’ing a house. He’s a prank specialist, and tonight a prank cop car is going to be pulling up at Tom’s house and arresting him for vandalism. They’re going to cuff him, put him in the car, then they’ll jump out and say it’s a prank. Lala tells Jax his birthday gift is happening tonight. In her interview, she says, Randall is a prankster specialist. He’s done over 100 films, and pulled a prank on all of them. It’s always epic. Randall says, no one can know.

At Tom’s house, Ariana says she rented a table and chairs. She thinks she might want to stick with rented furniture, since she doesn’t trust anyone not to eff up her house, including Tom. The guests arrive, and she says, RIP her house. Jax brings his own chair, since he won’t sit on the cushions. They have cat hair on them, and he hates cat hair. He yells for music, when two cops come in, and ask to talk to Tom. They pat Tom down, and Jax acts shocked. The cops take Tom outside, and in Jax’s interview, he says they’re genius actors, and look like real cops. For a second, Jax thought he was in trouble. One of the cops asks what Tom knows about a vandalism report, but Tom says he didn’t do anything. The guests move outside, and Schwartz is sure it has to do with parking tickets. The cops tell them to stand back, and put Tom in the car. Ariana asks what it’s about, and one of the cops tells her, it’s about vandalism. Jax insists he didn’t say anything, but one of his neighbors may have. In his interview, Jax says, this is how you do a prank when you’re an adult. Tom will never be number one. He tells Ariana, he didn’t call anyone; it wasn’t him. Randall goes over to the car, and tells Tom, here’s the thing. When you f*** with Jax on his birthday, you f*** with them. Lala says he got them all, and they dance around and high-five each other. Ariana says her heart is beating out of her chest.

Jax thanks the actors, and Katie says she hates them all. Scheana tells Tom that he’s really sweating. In Katie’s interview, she says she doesn’t think it’s funny. Just turn on the news. She asks if she’s the only one who thinks it’s not funny, and Jax says, Tom’s not mad, and that’s all that matters. In Tom’s interview, he says it was one of the best pranks ever, and he’s honored to have it pulled on him. Ariana says she understands where Katie is coming from. In Ariana’s interview, she says some people have a different perspective than others when it comes to their relationship with the police. Joking around like that is in poor taste. Tom says, it’s not a big deal. Katie says they can’t expect no one to react, and Schwartz tells her to shut up. She says she doesn’t think it’s funny, but Schwartz says it was a great moment. They’re laughing, and no one gives a sh*t about her opinion. Tom tells him not to talk to his wife that way.

Katie wonders if she’s the only person who associates this with something really terrible, and Ariana says she gets where Katie is coming from. Schwartz says he’s never been more turned off in his life. This is why he doesn’t have sex with her. Beau says, don’t do this, and Schwartz says he’s not looking for Beau to agree with him; she’s a moron. In Beau’s interview, he says, it’s one thing to have a drunken argument with your significant other – he’s experienced that – but the way Schwarz is talking is venom. In Katie’s interview, she says, the last time Schwartz spoke to her like that was in Mexico. We flash back to Schwartz saying her voice is a cacophony. She says, the only difference is, this time he’s being mean and degrading in front of all their friends. Schwartz walks out, calling Katie an idiot, and Tom says Schwartz is being an a-hole. Schwartz tells Katie, let’s go, but she says she’s not going with him.

Next time, Beau tells Stassi that he’s doing everything on his time, Schwartz says things are still tense, and Brett wants to hang out with Dayna.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Ian asks if there’s any chance Alex had his baby. Talk to him. She says, no, and he says he’s not judging. She says, goodbye, and starts to walk, but he calls her back. She says she doesn’t want to talk about this, and tries to go into her house, but the door is locked. She says she left her keys, but he says he has them. She asks what the hell is wrong with him? and he says she left them on the grass. She says she doesn’t want to wake her kids up; give her the keys. He says he wants answers. Can the baby be his? She says, that’s impossible; they never slept together. He asks if she really wants to do this. He knows a lawyer. Don’t make him go that route and request a DNA test. She asks why he’d do that, and he says he wants answers; that’s all. She asks if he’d really get a court order, and he says, if he has a child out there, he would. She says, no way the baby is his, and he asks how she knows. She says they only had sex once.

He says she’s admitting it, but she says she doesn’t want to talk there. He suggests they go in her house, but she says, no. She’d rather go to his. They go inside, and it’s not unlike Tom’s house on Vanderpump Rules, since he has no furniture yet. He says, so? She says, it was her, and he thanks her for being honest. She says the baby’s not his, and he says, he gets it. He doesn’t want it to be either, but they should know. Alex says she doesn’t need this now, and Ian says, him neither. He asks if she wants a drink, and she says she does. He brings out a box, and says he wants her to promise first that she’ll talk. She starts to cry, and he asks if she’s okay. She cries harder, and tells him, just find the alcohol. She doesn’t care what it is at this point.

Natalie feels bad, but Lushion says, Alex made her bed; it’s done. He looks out the window, and says, what the hell? Someone is over at Kelly’s. He’s going to check, and she tells him, be careful. He tells her to stay there, and goes outside. He sees a man holding a paper bag, and looking in Kelly’s front window. He draws his gun. He tells the guy, put his hands up and put the bag down. The guy says he lives there, but Lushion says he doesn’t. He says he’s just moving in, and Lushion says, somebody else lives there. What’s his name? The guy says, Durrell; he’s Justice’s father. Lushion asks if he’s got ID, and Durrell says it’s in his back pocket. Lushion says, slowly, and Durrell holds out his wallet. Lushion looks at the ID, and puts away his gun. He asks why Durrell is snooping around, and Durrell says his mother told him that Kelly left the key; he knows the alarm code. Lushion asks if Justice can ID him, but he says Justice doesn’t really know him. Lushion tells him, hands behind his back. Keep it easy, and they’ll clear this up. Lushion cuffs him, and says, relax; take a seat. Durrell sits on the curb, and Lushion calls Natalie, asking her to come out. He meets her halfway, and she asks, what’s going on? He says the guy says he’s Justice’s father. Does she know him? She says, no, but he looks like Justice. Lushion says, he just got out of jail, and she asks how he knows. Lushion says, slippers and a paper bag. She says Kelly did tell her that he was in jail, but Justice doesn’t know him. He asks if Kelly said anything about leaving a key, and she says Kelly did say she was worried and told him he could move in. Maybe it is him. Lushion tells her, stay there. He asks Durrell if he’s got proof he knows Kelly, and Durrell says there are pictures in his wallet. Lushion looks at them, and says, that’s a long time ago. Durrell says he’s been away a while, and Lushion unlocks the cuffs. He asks if Durrell was in jail. Durrell says, yeah, and Lushion says, yes, sounding like Judge Judy. He says he can’t let Durrell in until he finds out it’s okay. Durrell asks where he’s supposed to go tonight; he just got out, and doesn’t have money. Lushion says he can’t let Durrell in until he makes sure he’s supposed to stay there. In a couple hours it will be daylight, and he can come back. If Kelly says it’s okay, he’ll let Durrell in. If Durrell was Lushion, he’d do the same thing. Durrell picks up his bag, and says, all right. He strolls off, and Natalie says, Lushion isn’t letting him in? Lushion says he thought she was from the hood. She says she is, but she thinks it’s him. Lushion says, Kelly has been through enough. One night at a bus station won’t kill him. She says, that’s cold. She feels bad, but Lushion says he doesn’t.

Ian says Alex doesn’t want another, does she? She says she does, and he says, it’s strong, but she says she doesn’t care. He thinks she needs to lay off the liquor, but she thinks he needs to stop telling her what to do. He says she’s drunk, and she says he’s not drunk, and pours more into his glass. He says, fair enough, and they clink glasses. She says she remembered him the moment she saw him, but was hoping he wouldn’t remember. He asks, why? Because she was married? She says, it’s not that. She hates being a wife (surprising us all), but she’s not a bad person. He tells her, he didn’t say she was, and she says she doesn’t want kids. He says she has three, and she says, because she did everything her father, mother, and Brad wanted her to do. She felt trapped, so every time Brad was at work, and she was supposed to be at a PTA meeting or whatever, she met men like him. He asks, how many? and she says, a lot. Go ahead. Judge all he wants. He says he’s not; it’s fine. She says she never wanted this life. She didn’t want to be married. She wanted to be an actress. He says she’s pretty damn good, and she says she has to be now. Her father told her it was stupid, and she should get married and have babies because she had no talent and no chance. That was after he raped her every night. Ian is shocked, and she says he wanted to talk; let’s talk – about all of it. She pours herself some more, saying, she grew up with a backwoods country-ass way of thinking. Her mother actually said it was okay. He says he’s so sorry, and she says she watched her family nearly murder Black people. They hated that she went to school with them. Ian says maybe she was sleeping with Black men to get back at them, but she says, it has nothing to do with that. She thinks they’re beautiful, and loves how their skin is gorgeous and soft. He says, no more for her, and she says he’s right. No more talking about this bullsh*t; she’s done. He says she’s not doing anything stupid, and she says, why the hell should she deal with this, raising Brad’s kids. He says they’re her kids too, but she says she’s tired of all this sh*t. She’s had enough. She’s going to be free, and go do whatever she wants with whoever she want to do it with. He says when she wakes up sober, she’s going to realize she said too much. She asks why he isn’t drunk, and pours more into his glass. He says he’s buzzed, but she says, not enough; drink. She downs hers, and he moves the empty glass away. He suggests she let him take her home, but she says she doesn’t want to go right now. He says, what about her kids? and she says, they’re fine with the babysitter. He takes her hands, and she pulls him toward the kitchen island. She says, please, she wants this. It was so good; she wants to do it again. She unzips his pants, and gets on her knees. He says, no, but…

Larry gets home, bringing along another guy, and Eddie is waiting. He says, what are you ladies up to? and Larry says Eddie was there ahead of him, and knows when he left. The other guy goes inside, and Eddie asks who this one is. Larry says Eddie isn’t ready for that. Why is he there? Eddie says he wants to talk about some things. Andrew, Joe, and Pete. Larry asks if he’s been drinking, and Eddie says, more than drinking. He did some good blow tonight. Larry says he must be pretty high, and Eddie says he could say that. He saw Larry’s wife leaving; is there a problem? Larry says she goes to the country house on weekends, and he brings home the boys when she’s gone. Eddie thinks it’s sick, twisted sh*t, and Larry says, it is; they love it. Almost as much as they love each other. What does Eddie want? To come in? Eddie says, hell no, and Larry asks why Eddie is wasting his time. Eddie says he’s there to find out about those specific names, and Larry asks what he wants to know. Eddie asks if they’re with the FBI, and Larry says he doesn’t know. Eddie asks if Larry is playing games with him, and Larry says he doesn’t play games. He invites Eddie in again, but Eddie says he’s not into that kinky sh*t. Larry says Eddie is pretty sick too. It was the last reason Eddie was there, and the only reason he’s there now. He gave Eddie the privilege of taking control and making him beg. He respects that. Is Eddie ready to beg? Let him know. Eddie acts mad at the world, but what he wants is to be punished. Let Larry punish him. He’ll make him feel so bad by making him feel good. Eddie says the only reason he’s there is Esperanza and the dudes who came against him. Nothing is going to stop him. Larry says, sounds like fun, and Eddie says, keep pushing him, and see how much fun he is. Larry says he can’t wait, and goes inside.

A nurse whose name I can’t remember, tells Rick to go home. He says he wants to talk to her about Kelly. She’s back in jail, and going through a hard time. She says she’s not helping any more, and don’t tell Kelly to fake chest pains. He asks if she doesn’t talk to Sister Margaret, the chaplain. Did Margaret tell her the names of the girls? She says she’s not talking to him, and starts to walk away, but he grabs her arm. He says, they got her too, but she says she’s not talking. He gives her a piece of paper, and says, it’s Lushion’s phone number. Help them. She says that church is crazy, and they know everyone; the mayor, the garbageman, even her ex=boyfriend. She can’t tell him anything. He says she can’t let Kelly go down, but she says she doesn’t know Kelly, and Kelly shot him. Rick says she doesn’t know what he did to Kelly, and she says not to use her name. He says, fine, coward, and she says, call her whatever he wants. She’s not messing with that church. On second thought, if he takes her out and buys her some drinks, maybe she’ll talk. He tells her, bring her dancing shoes and a nice dress.

Margaret visits Kelly, but Kelly says she doesn’t want to talk to her. Margaret says she wants to say a prayer, and the guard lets her in. Kelly tells her, get away from her cell. The guard leaves, and Kelly calls him back, but he ignores her. Margaret tells Kelly, come sit, but Kelly says she won’t. Margaret says, before the guard comes back, and Kelly sits. She asks what Margaret wants, and Margaret says she’s helping Kelly; praying for her. Kelly laughs, and Margaret hands her a Bible, telling her, read this. It’s her gift to Kelly. Margaret calls to the guard, and Kelly says she knew Margaret didn’t want to pray; hypocrites. Margaret tells her, open the bible, and she does. Kelly flips through it, and takes out several pictures. She looks on the backs of them, and Margaret says, God bless you. Wrong is wrong, and she is praying. Kelly thanks her, and hugs her. Margaret says, she’s going to be all right, and when she is, don’t look back. It’s time for Kelly to get back to church. Get back to praying and believing again. She’s stronger than all this. Stop being sorry for herself and being a victim. Take it by force. The kingdom suffers violence, and the violent take it by force (Matthew 11:12). Kelly says she hears her, and Margaret says, good. God bless her.

Tanya and husband Bennett watch TV. Tanya asks Bennett why he keeps looking out. (Refresher: Bennett trashed Randall’s house at the end of last season.) She says, stop looking at him. He’s looked enough at her already. Bennett says he’ll tell Randall to stop, but she says he’s not going to. She already told him to stop. Bennett says he can make Randall stop, and she asks, how? He says he just will, and she says, like in the last neighborhood? He tore that man’s house apart. He says they were talking about her, and she says he can’t get mad. She gives them enough to talk about. He tells her, don’t worry. Randall won’t bother her again, but she says he’s not the kind that will stop. Bennett says, he will, and she says she’s going to bed. He tells her that he’s staying up a little. He promises Randall won’t bother her. He looks out the window.

Steven and Esperanza cuddle on the couch. He says, it’s her night, and she says, after they watched his movie. He asks if she wants him to stay because of Eddie, or because she wants him to stay. She asks if she looks afraid. He says he’ll stay every night, or he can be out sleeping in his car. She says that would defeat the purpose, and he says he can sleep on the couch. She tells him, read between the lines. She wants him to stay in her bed, naked. He says, as good as it sounds, he doesn’t want her kicking him out in an hour. She says he’s living in the past. She wants to spend time together, and not worry about what happened before. He says, what about her daughter? and she says she’s been thinking about that. The best thing is for her to bring her daughter to her mom’s until this thing with Eddie is over. Does he want drive up there to Columbus? He says they’ve got themselves a road trip, and they kiss. He gets a text, and she makes him give her the phone. She reads, what’s up, stud? and asks who Anna is. He asks if she’s jealous, and she says, a little bit, and deletes Anna’s number because she doesn’t like her name. He says he doesn’t think his sister is going to like that. She wants him to call his sister, and he says, no. He’s sleepy, and they’re not exclusive. They’re just enjoying each other very much. They get busy.

Randall calls Marcie, who answers, yes? He asks if that’s all she’s got to say. She destroyed his house. She asks what he’s talking about, and he asks if she got Brad to do it. She says she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. She only picked up because she likes to taunt him. He says she did more than that, and she says he’s talking crazy. He tells her, don’t hang up, but she says, bye. A car parks in front of Randall, and Brad gets out and goes inside.

Brad asks if Marcie is okay. She says she is, but Randall keeps calling. He asks why she keeps answering, and she says she likes to taunt him. He says she shouldn’t do that. He asks if Randall has been there, and she says, no; why would he be? Brad says, someone destroyed Randall’s house, but she says she doesn’t know what happened. He tells her that Alex signed the divorce papers. That means he can officially pursue her. He kisses her, and she says she hasn’t seen his full court press. She tells him, she’s starving, and he says he’ll make something. He gets up, but his phone rings. He says it’s Chelsea, his babysitter, and he asks, what’s going on? Chelsea says his wife was supposed to be back hours ago, and she has to leave. She tried calling, but Alex isn’t answering. He asks if the kids and baby are asleep, and she tells him they are. He says he’ll be right over. He tells Marcie that Alex still isn’t home, and she says Alex is probably trying to trick him, but he says she knows better than that. She asks if he’s going, and he says he has to. Otherwise, the kids will be there by themselves. She tells him to try Alex again, but he gets voicemail, and hangs up. Marcie tells him to try from the landline, but he still gets voicemail. Marcie calls and leaves a message that Alex’s kids are looking for her. Where the hell are you, bitch? Brad says, she’s not helping, and Marcie thinks Alex knows they’re together. He tells her to relax; it’s about his kids. She apologizes for making it about her, and he leaves. She says, bitch.

Randall sees Brad leave. Marcie says she hopes the bitch is dead, and calls Alex. She says Alex thinks she’s going to win this thing by dragging Brad out in the middle of the night, but it’s not going to work, ho. She hangs up, but decides to fill up Alex’s damn voicemail. Randall watches as Brad pulls away. He gets out of the car, and goes in the side door. He knocks, and Marcie asks if Brad forgot his key. Randall busts in, and grabs Marcie.

Next time, Esperanza finds Eddie in bed with her and Steven; Kelly tells Lushion the Bible had pictures of women and information on settlements in it; and Lushion and Brad go to Ian’s house looking for Alex.

😥 Sniff…

It looks like this will be the final season of If Loving You is Wrong. After we waited a year. It’s like Game of Thrones all over again.


🏥 Scheduling Details…

The skinny on how GH is handling this new normal.


🧼 On a High…

More than one kind of soap seems to be popular these days.


📯 FYI, Andy Cohen is apparently none the worse for the wear, and back at work, doing Watch What Happens Live from his home office.

😴 Good Thing I Don’t Need Sleep…

Oh, wait… Stay safe out there.

March 24, 2020 – Jordan Makes a Confession, Tom’s Extra Party, RIP Daug & My Stride


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Chase, wearing a bandage on his nose, lets Brook out of her cell. She asks why he’s being so nice, and he says he figured she needed a break. He shows her his phone, with a picture of him arresting her The Invader.

On the phone, Valentin tells Linc, no more excuses. He needs the shares, before Michael and the Quartermaines realize he’s acquiring a majority in their family business.

Ned looks at the picture in The Invader, and says he spoke with the other shareholders. They’re in agreement that they need to act quickly to mitigate the damage. Michael thinks their best option is to cut their losses.

Lucy tells Maxie to keep her eyes closed, and leads her to her new office, which is basically an empty room with a desk in it. She says, ta-da! Maxie says, it’s a little sparse, and Sasha tells her to envision it with all her special touches. Lucy says Maxie has the insight, talent, and vision to transform their offices completely to their own. Maxie thanks her for the vote of confidence. She’s always had vision. It’s what she does.

Nina tells someone on the phone that she needs somebody to fill in for Maxie. She wants them to reach out to New York, Los Angeles, and even Paris. The other line starts to ring, and she says, in the meantime, she needs an assistant who can answer phones, and she needs them yesterday. Nelle comes in, and Nina asks how she got in there. Never mind. Just turn around and remove herself. Or she could call Carly, who would be more than willing to send over security. Nelle says, that’s a little harsh. It must be one of those days. She knows the feeling, but thinks they can help each other.

Harmony and Willow are having breakfast at Kelly’s, and Willow says they only had to reschedule four times to make it work. Harmony apologizes for being busy. She wishes she could support Willow more. Willow says she’s taking it day by day. The best way to honor her baby is to devote herself to the living; her students, and helping Michael with Wiley. Harmony is proud of her, and says she’s throwing herself into her work at Turning Woods too. She’s grateful to be able to give back. Willow says they should devote time to themselves too, and suggests going for a ride in Harmony’s new car.

Sonny knocks on Jordan’s door, and Curtis says, it’s not the best time. Sonny says, Cyrus has TJ, doesn’t he? Curtis asks if that’s what Jordan has been keeping inside, and Sonny tells her that she’d better say something. Curtis asks if TJ has been kidnapped, and Jason says, tell him. Jordan says, don’t they think if she knew a butcher like Cyrus was holding her son, she’d do something? Sonny says she already did. By keeping silent. How far does she want to go? When is she going to stop making everyone her enemy, and tell them the truth? She can’t stay silent. Jordan says, yes. Cyrus and his people have her son. She collapses into Curtis’s arms, and cries.

Brook reads, how many ELQs does it take to screw up a great company? One. Great. She’s a real joke. Chase asks, isn’t the first thing you learn as a celebrity not to read the comments? She says, first of all, she isn’t a celebrity, and second, why would he show this to her? He says he figured she’d see it as soon as she got her own phone back. He says, it’s cyberspace, which makes it open season for jerks. She says, easy for him to say. He’s just a cop, and no one important. Sorry. That came out wrong. He says, no problem. She says, all she did was stand up to Lulu when she weaponized a harmless Facebook post against ELQ. She’d like to see what Lulu has to say when her family hits her with a defamation suit.

Ned tells Michael, if Mertin Med Tech pulls out, it will crater their pharmaceutical division, and the damage could spread. Michael says, it’s better to blow the deal than give them more concessions, and they can write off the loss. Olivia says, Michael has a point. However it happened, sensitive documents were posted online. Ned says, it happened because Brook wasn’t focused on her job. Michael says, in Brook’s defense, it probably wasn’t the best idea to give her such sensitive information when she just started. Ned says, so it’s his fault? Michael asks why Ned is getting defensive, and Ned asks why Michael is being so self-righteous. Michael tells Ned, all he’s saying is, when he’s training someone new, he tries not to give them more than they can handle. Ned says, Michael means when he was CEO. So much for Michael taking a step back and handing Ned the reins

Nina says she has no desire to help Nelle. The last time she did, she lived to regret it. So, buh-bye. She pushes Nelle out, but Nelle immediately comes back, telling Nina that she’s being shortsighted. Word on the street is, Maxie left to go to a start-up. Nina tells her, she wishes Maxie well at Deception, and Nelle says, so Nina said in the press release. Still, it must hurt, Maxie being her sister-in-law and all. Nina asks why Nelle is concerned, and Nelle says Nina has an opening, and she’s just the woman to fill it.

Maxie says she needs to free up the creative process; which means avoiding clutter without making the workplace look generic or sterile. Sasha suggests incorporating the organic natural aspect of their products. Lucy tells them, she only has sparkling water. They have so much to do, she’ll save the bubbly for later. She hands them each a cup of water, and proposes a toast. To Maxie’s first day, and the beginning of a beautiful, fantastically successful relationship. To Deception. They all say, cheers, and clink plastic cups. Valentin walks in, and says, good. He’s here in time for the celebration.

Willow tells Harmony that Jason asked about her car. She told him she didn’t know anything about it. She didn’t see how Harmony could afford a new car. Harmony says, it’s  not new new. It’s a 2019 model. Willow says, and she already brought it to a garage? Harmony tells her, Brando said it was the sensor was connected to the gas cap or something, but everything is fine. Willow says, is it? Is Harmony fine?

Jordan tells Sonny, she knew Cyrus was targeting families. Look what he did to Sonny’s son, and Taggert’s daughter. Then when TJ went missing… Curtis says, so the text from TJ, saying he just needed some time, TJ never did that. Jordan says she desperately wanted believe the texts were from TJ, but she had an awful feeling. When she went to see Cyrus in Pentenville, a photo was sent to her phone. It was of TJ, tied up in an anonymous room. He’d been beaten. Sonny says, it fits the pattern. He went after Michael, and Taggert’s daughter. So when she saw TJ, she knew she had to cooperate. She says, that’s why she sent Stella away. After Curtis left, someone delivered Cyrus’s message in person. It was the person last person she would have suspected. Jason says, Harmony, and she asks how he knew. He says he ran into her, and she was really nervous. He checked with Willow, who said Harmony had been distancing herself, and Harmony and Cyrus’s time overlapped in Pentenville. He asks what Harmony told Jordan, and she says, if she ever wanted to see her son, she’d do what Cyrus wanted.

Brook wonders why charges aren’t being brought against her, and Chase says it might have been because he gave them the context of the fight between her and Lulu, and mentioned it was an accident that she hit him. She says that was decent of him, especially since it’s the second time she’s clocked him. He tells her, try not to make it a trifecta, and she promises she’s learned her lesson. She says, it’s best Lulu stay away from her altogether. The hypocrisy is staggering. Lulu lived in her family’s house as a teenager, and Lulu’s ex-mother-in-law is married to her dad. How can Lulu stab her family in the back like that? Speaking of family, she supposes it’s time that she faced them.

Olivia asks if Ned and Michael want to dial it back. They’re on the same side. Michael says, Olivia is right. Ned is acting CEO, and should deal with it how he sees fit. He’ll back whatever decision Ned makes. He’s going upstairs to work on his dad skills. Ned apologizes. He realizes Michael was just trying to help. Michael says he knows Ned is upset, and just trying to do what’s right for the company. He goes upstairs, and Olivia says,  that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Nina tells Nelle, let her clarify. Maxie’s title was creative director, which was commensurate with her salary and talent. None of which Nelle has. Nina is only telling her this, because her assistant wasn’t around to prevent Nelle from barging in. She’s probably in Maxie’s department, trying to help out until Nina fills the position. Nelle says, that explains why Nina is without a gatekeeper. Lucky for Nina, she’s willing to accept an entry level position. How great would it be if she was stationed out front? Nina wonders why Nelle is suddenly so determined to get gainful employment. It’s not because of what Nina needs; it’s about what Nelle needs. Could it be because she’s in the middle of custody battle, and needs to shore up her public image for the court?

Maxie wonders if Valentin got off on the wrong floor. He has no place there. Sasha says they have worked to do. He says he knows, but first days are so exciting. He wanted to personally congratulate Maxie, and welcome her to their team. Maxie asks what he’s talking about, and he says Lucy hasn’t told her? Lucy says she was going to send out an internal memo, and Valentin says Deception was in need of capital, and he’s always looking for a lucrative business opportunity. It’s a win-win for everyone. Lucy smiles tentatively.

Jordan says, she convinced herself that if she went along with Cyrus just once, keep the surveillance, but move it just enough to leave an opening, that it wasn’t her fault if one of Cyrus’s trucks drove through. She could keep pretending she was doing her job, and maybe Cyrus would keep his word, and her son would and come back to her. Sonny knows where she’s coming from. Sometimes desperation clouds judgement. There’s more to this than just a drug shipment. Cyrus told him personally that he came to Port Charles for personal reasons; he meant her. Curtis says he’s there for her, whatever decision she makes, but it seems they’ve got a common enemy. They won’t stop Cyrus unless they all work together. Jordan looks worried and sick.

Back at the Quartermaine mansion, Brook says, there’s no place like home. It’s better than a jail cell. Michael says, sometimes you have to lose something to truly appreciate it. Brook wants to soak in a tub, and have a late breakfast. Then when she feels like herself again, they can all put their heads together, and combat Lulu’s treachery. She asks if Olivia is in, and Olivia says she’s definitely disappointed in Lulu. It’s bad enough Lulu was acting out of spite, but she didn’t consider how it would affect the people close to her. Rocco spends half his life there. You’d think she’d take that into consideration. Brook says, Lulu only cares about Lulu. Lulu started the fight by spraying champagne on her. Olivia asks if Brook is saying she’s the victim, and Brook says, hell yeah. They have to do everything they can to fight her. Call the lawyers. Michael says, sometimes the best response is no response, and Brook says, they’re Quartermaines, and aren’t lying down, but Ned says, it’s not a personal perspective; it’s a business perspective. Brook says, it’s personal to her. Have they seen what people are saying about her? Ned says, yes, and so have their business partners. He has no choice but to acknowledge her mistake, and terminate her employment, effective immediately.

Maxie says Valentin is bluffing. There’s no way Lucy asked the least trustworthy person on the planet to be an investor. Lucy says, Valentin’s significant investment is allowing Deception to relaunch in style. Does it matter who the benefactor is, when it’s benefacting all of them? Sasha says, she’s a partner too, and should have been told, and Maxie says she should have told before she signed on. Valentin assures them, his checks will never bounce, but Maxie says, it’s not the money she’s worried about, but him. She wouldn’t have agreed if she knew about this. Lucy says, truth be told, her hiring is what prompted this. Maxie marched into Crimson, and told Nina that Lucy had hired her, which led to Nina pulling the plug on their partnership. Lucy picked Maxie over Crimson, and she’s fine with that, but she had to remain in business. Sasha says, and in walks Valentin, and Lucy says, a dark knight with sort of tarnished armor. Sasha asks if it’s Valentin’s way of getting back at Nina, or of getting Nina back?

Nelle tells Nina, it’s bad enough Brad stole her son the moment after she gave birth, but now she has to fight Michael, the Corinthoses, and the Quartermaines to get her son back.  They’re all hypocrites, and now she has to prove she’s fit in the eyes of the court. She intends to prove she’s a responsible parent, rooted in the community, with a steady job. Nina says, good luck with that, and Nelle says she knew it was a risk, but she figured if anyone understood what it was like to have a child who was alive and kept from them, it would be Nina. She guesses she was wrong. Nelle leaves, and Nina sits at her desk, and looks at the necklace.

Willow tells Harmony, whatever is going on, tell her. Harmony says, there’s nothing to tell, and Willow says, please don’t lie. Harmony says she’s fine, but Willow says she’s not. She knows it, and Chase knows it. Harmony says she knows Chase doesn’t like her. She doesn’t blame him. She made mistakes where Willow is concerned, and Chase will always see her in a negative light. Willow says she’s been defending Harmony. Harmony put the past behind her, but in the last month, Harmony has been impossible to connect with. Then she hears Harmony got a new car. She doesn’t know what’s going on. She can tell Harmony is worried, and wants to help. Harmony remembers Jordan asking what Cyrus has on her, and Harmony explaining Cyrus pulled strings to get her into the early release program, so she’d have a chance to be her daughter. Jordan doubts it’s out of the goodness of Cyrus’s heart, and Harmony says, Cyrus had her cornered. If she messes up, it’s not just her who pays. Jordan says, people have already been killed. Harmony is an accomplice to kidnapping and extortion. Does she have any idea how big a risk she’s taking? Back in the present, Harmony says Willow should be leaning on her, not the other way around. When Willow came into her life, she knew she’d been given a very special gift, and there’s nothing she won’t do for Willow.

Jordan tells Sonny, she volunteered to go undercover, and infiltrate Cyrus’s syndicate. She was willing to do anything to show she belonged with the best of the best at the DEA. They were a team of four, and they went deep undercover. She worked on the inside, and became indispensable to Cyrus, and gained his trust. His syndicate was like a spider web, going from city to city, town to town. She saw lives destroyed, and lost her ideals. She developed a ruthlessness and tunnel vision like Cyrus. He lived to expand his territory, and she lived to shut him down. The others on the task force took risks on the outside, and sacrificed themselves in different ways, but Cyrus kept winning. The drugs kept flowing, and people kept dying. They had to do something. Sonny says, they framed Cyrus and planted evidence. She says, the evidence they planted sent Cyrus to prison. They thought it was over, but it was far from over.

Brook says, Ned is going to throw her under the bus? Olivia says, Lulu didn’t put the documents on Facebook; Brook did. Ned says he could have told PR to divert the story, but Brook compounded it by having a public brawl. Brook says she was provoked. She tells Michael, come on, but Michael says he’s not acting CEO. Ned says it can’t be shrugged off. The vote was unanimous. Brook tells Ned, he’s the one who’s always saying family supports you, no matter what, but Ned says, this is more a business factor than family. She says he’s CEO; he has clout. He can change his call, and support her. Isn’t that what fathers do? Give you tough love, then a big hug? He dished out the tough love; where’s the hug?

Valentin assures Sasha, this has nothing to do with Nina. It’s a business venture, and a good one. Maxie says because he’s devoted to lip gloss, and he says, if there’s money in it, yeah. He writes the checks, but he’s behind the scenes; a silent partner. Sasha says she’s also a partner. That makes him her partner. Given what happened last time, she’s leery of joining forces again. Lucy asks if they can take this as just a dress rehearsal. You know what they say; bad rehearsal, great opening night. Sasha says she may have to rethink her involvement, and starts to leave, but Valentin calls to her. He says she may not want to admit it, but they were a good team once, and they can do it again.

Willow tells Harmony that she’s okay, but gets the feeling Harmony isn’t. Chase joins them, and asks if everything is okay. Harmony says, perfect timing. She asks what happened to his nose, and he says, occupational hazard. He’s fine. Harmony says she understands he has doubts about her. What can she do to reassure him? He says, her actions speak louder than words, and Harmony says, that’s true. She’ll always do what she can for Willow, even if it isn’t the easy thing. Willow says she doesn’t have to do anything but live a good life and tell the truth. Harmony says they’ve had so much loss, and lost so much time. If she could go back and change things… She’s just happy to know Willow is safe with Chase no matter what happens to her.

Jordan says, after Cyrus was convicted and sent to prison based on their evidence, there was no celebration; no high-fives. They knew they’d crossed the line, and compromised their principles. But they’d stopped the death and bloodshed, and went their separate ways. They hoped it was over, but it wasn’t. It took Cyrus a while to piece it together. He was biding his time. He knew who betrayed him, and when he figured out who they really were, he picked them off one by one. Jason says, Jordan is still standing, and Sonny says Cyrus let Jordan live. Jordan says she was the one who got closest to Cyrus. She earned his trust. Sonny says, then she became the ultimate betrayer. Cyrus let her live so she could watch her city become a war zone. Jordan says Cyrus has her son. She had to make sure she followed orders. Curtis says, letting the shipment through was a test. Cyrus Renault wants something bigger.  

Sasha storms into the Quartermain mansion, and Michael says, trouble at work? She tells him, he might say that. She thought she’d seen the last of Valentin, but he’s Deception’s new angel investor. He gave Lucy the funding she needs in exchange… Michael says, for shares in the company. She says, her company. Her lifeboat. The thing that was going to turn her life around, and give her a career. He says, she had no idea? and she says, none. Michael says he has no use for Valentin, but to be honest, he’s a smart businessman. If she puts her personal issues aside, he could be good for Deception. She says that’s easy for Michael to say. He doesn’t have to work with Valentin. Michael suggests they go upstairs and check on Wiley. It will help take her mind off Valentin. She tells him, lead the way.

Brook says, Ned knows how much she wanted to make this work. All her ideas… Is he really turning his back on her? Olivia says, in all fairness, it’s not all on Brook’s dad. Brook tells her, stay out of it, but Olivia says, knock it off, and quit feeling sorry for herself. She blew a major deal, it cost the company millions of dollars, and she was fired. That’s what happens in the real world. Ned says he understands, but it’s bigger than both of them. ELQ has responsibilities to shareholders, and they’re partners with other businesses. Michael was right; he set her up to fail. He threw her in the mix before she was trained. He owns that, but part of owning his mistake is not repeating it. Brook says, so she’s fired? and he says, she’s fired. She says, so much for family loyalty, and walks out.

There’s a knock at Nina’s office door, and she says, thank God; come in. Nelle gives Nina a list of urgent messages, saying, the rest are in the folder. She thought they would have updated their phone system by now, but she’s not complaining. Nina says she thought her assistant was back, and Nelle says, no, but she’s still there. She thought she’d give Nina time to think about what she said, and make herself useful in the meantime. Nina gives her points for initiative, but… Nelle says she’s not claiming she’s perfect; far from it. But why does her child deserve to suffer? Doesn’t he deserve to grow up with a mother’s love, like every other kid? Nina says the last time she employed Nelle, she attempted to blackmail Valentin. Nelle says she’s grown up a lot since then. She’s served her time, and taken stock of her life. She has a second chance with her kid, and she has to get custody. Nothing is more important, even her pride. That’s why she’s laid her cards on the table. Now that she has, she’s leaving for real. She’s sorry to have wasted Nina’s valuable time. She starts to go, but Nina says, wait. She’s not finished.

Willow asks why should something happen to Harmony? Is she sick? Harmony says, no; she’s fine. It’s just that there are no guarantees in life. You can walk out the door and get hit by a car crossing the street. Chase says, it helps to look both ways, and Harmony says, she’ll do her best. Just promise to take care of each other. She thanks Willow for breakfast, and says she has to get going. She leaves, and Willow tells Chase, now she knows something is wrong. He says, it sounded like the start of a confession to him.

Jordan says, Cyrus expects her to get him out of prison, and Curtis says, she’s the Commissioner, but how the hell is she supposed to get him out? Sonny says, it won’t require anything so dramatic, and Curtis says, no. She’s not confessing. They’ll find another way. She says, there is no other way. She loves him for wanting to protect her, but she did this. Cyrus isn’t going to set TJ free until he gains freedom for himself.

Ned tells Olivia, he knows it’s in the best interest of ELQ, and by extension, the family, but it still feels terrible. Olivia says, in time, Brook might understand, and she might learn something. Ned tells her, that’s what grandfather used to say. It didn’t feel good to hear it or say it, yet here he is.

Brook calls Linc, and says she changed her mind. If he’s still interested in her ELQ shares, he’s got a deal. She walks out of the house.

Nelle tells Nina that she doesn’t have time to listen to Nina repeat the lies and smears against her. There are pages of haters on social media platforms. Congratulations on turning her life around. It’s too bad Nina isn’t giving her the same chance. Nina remembers Willow telling her that Nelle is suing for custody of Michael’s son, and asking for Nina’s help. Nina says she’s not sure what Willow thinks she can do, and Willow says, help expose Nelle in the magazine. Let the world see Nelle for the murdering psycho and unfit mother she is. Nina tells Nelle, she’s right. She was given a second chance, and it’s time to pay it forward. Nelle asks what Nina is saying, and Nina says, she’s hired.

Michael yells to Sasha that he’s pulling the car around. They have to take Wiley to the hospital.

Lucy tells Maxie, think. At least Sasha said she’d think about it. Don’t be hasty. Maxie says the only hasty thing she’s done, is give Nina that stupid ultimatum. Maybe she can plead the family card. Valentin says, if Maxie goes back now, Nina will never respect her. Maxie tells him to take his own advice; she doesn’t need it. He says, it’s not about Nina. Forget about Nina, and forget about him. Maxie was right in asking more for herself. Opportunity knocks once. Don’t let anyone keep her from answering. Certainly not him. Lucy tells Maxie, he’s right; please think about it, and runs after Valentin.

Chase says he knows Willow thinks the cop in him is too suspicious sometimes. She says not this time. Something is going on. Her mother is talking like they may never see each other again. Something is burdening her. Chase asks if she has any ideas, and she wishes she knew. The more Harmony tried to reassure her, the more she was sure Harmony was keeping something big from her.

Curtis says he’s looking at Jason. Tell his wife there’s another way. That he and Jason will find TJ and get him out. Jordan says she knows what she’s doing. The only way to save TJ, is to give Cyrus what he’s wanted all along; his freedom and a full exoneration. Sonny says, that’s exactly what she has to do.

Tomorrow, Nelle tells Carly that she’s got a job, Molly wonders why Jordan didn’t say she was talking to TJ, and Sonny says they can’t retaliate.

Vanderpump Rules

Jax and Brittany are home. He says it’s their first time they’re entering the house as a married couple, and she says he has to carry her over the threshold. He does, and she says they’re man and wife. They kiss.

At TomTom, Schwarz tells Max that he heard Saturday was decent. Max says Schwartz is alive, and Schwartz says, barely. Max tells him that he still smells like liquor.

At SUR, Dayna asks Ariana and Tom to tell her everything. Tom says, it was awesome, and Ariana says, it was hot, referring to the temperature. I think.

Schwartz tells Max, he’s mourning the loss of his lizard, and might have a memorial pool party. In his interview, Schwartz says he and Daug had only known each other for three weeks, but they had an instant connection. He fell for Daug right away, and Daug became part of the family. Max says he’s considering getting an R.I.P Daug tattoo, but Schwartz advises against it. He asks if there’s anything going on, and Max says he and Dayna had a blowout. He’s bummed, but he’s not apologizing.

Tom asks if Dayna talked to Max, and she says she apologized. In her interview, she says Max didn’t accept her apology. He doesn’t want to be together, and now they’re not speaking. Tom says at least they haven’t been together for years, and Ariana says when you’ve only known each other a short time, it’s hard to know if they’re being honest. You don’t have much to go on. Dayna tells them, welcome back.

Max tells Schwartz, he thinks he’s going to 86 Danica coming into TomTom. Schwartz says she’s out of line and disrespectful, and talks too much. At Sur, Danica tells Raquel that too much is swept under the rug. She didn’t think it was a huge deal. We see a clip of Dayna telling Danica that Max is going to 86 her, and Danica telling Dayna that Max has been talking behind her back. They’re both managers, and should be able to talk it out.

In Max’s interview, he says Danica has screwed him over multiple times. First, there was the rumor that he’d said he was the owner of TomTom. We flash back to that, and he says, her spreading rumors to Dayna was the straw that broke the camel’s back. We flash back to Danica telling Dayna than Max has a bouquet red flags. Schwartz says Danica is a disruption, and he fully stands by Max’s side.

Raquel tells Danica that Lala reached out to her. She wants to meet up, and talk about stuff. Danica asks what they have to talk about, and Raquel says, they have some unresolved things. She wants to express how Lala treated her last year was not okay. She shows Danica the text Lala sent, where Lala suggests she can offer some insight about James from someone who’s been through it, and whose drinking affected the people she loves most. Danica tells Raquel to stand her ground. Tell her it’s not okay. We flash back to when Lala put her finger in Raquel’s face and called her stupid. Raquel says they might not end up friends, but it will be a big closure for her.

Jax and Brittany look at their million unopened wedding gifts. In Jax’s interview, he says, as much money as he spent, they better be good-ass wedding gifts. If he was in charge of the registry, he’d list car parts, season tickets to the Kings, and maybe a jet ski; something he can use. Brittany says everyone texted that it was the best weekend ever, and their vows were cute. Jax says his stomach was in knots. He had to write down powerpoints. In his interview, a producer asks if he knows the difference between PowerPoint and bullet points. Jax gives a bizarre explanation, and says, it’s close enough. Brittany can’t believe it’s over. She wanted to cry when they were leaving the castle. He says his wallet is happy it’s over. They’re both tired, and decide to nap. She wants Jax to carry her upstairs, and he asks if she’s serious. His back is going to get thrown out, but does it anyway.

Everyone gathers at the condo pool for Daug’s memorial. Schwartz says the lizard’s lifespan should have been fifteen to twenty years. He’d charted out their whole life together; at least the next few weeks. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he was born as a reptile and amphibian lover. He tells Tom that Daug wrestled with depression, but he was always leaping around outside. In those moments, he shined. Tom says they miss and love Daug, and he pours out some beer in reverence. In Tom’s interview, he says he was there when Schwartz bought Daug. Daug was chill AF. It’s a bummer he’s gone. Schwartz says he did everything to resuscitate Daug, but nothing worked. Then he couldn’t find a shovel to bury Daug, and had to use a hammer. It seemed like there was no joy in Daug’s life. He’d let Daug run around in the backyard when he got sad, and Daug would bask on a chair. Tom says Schwartz was a great effing dad, and puts an arm around him.

Schwartz tells the group, he has a few words to say about his lizard. He only had Daug a week, when he became part of the family; part of his routine. We flash back to Daug, and Schwartz says, people say he was just a lizard, but they bonded. We see a clip of Schwartz asking Katie if they make lizard Prozac. He says, Daug was gone too soon; he’s bummed. They toast to Daug, and Schwartz says his friends are making it better. He asks if Jax and Brittany are coming, but Katie says Lisa had a present for them, and she told them to go get it.

Jax and Brittany go to Villa Rosa, Jax carrying a huge orchid plant. Lisa says they look happy, and she can never have too many flowers. They sit, and she asks if they’re trying for a baby straight away. In Brittany’s interview, she says they want a family soon. They used to spray and pray, but now they’re not praying. Lisa says she’s glad she went to the wedding. She didn’t want to miss it. She’s never seen someone so excited. Her favorite part was seeing Brittany walking down the aisle. She tells them that she has a gift for them, and gives them a box from Tiffany. She says she took it to Kentucky, but was afraid they’d break it, so she brought it back. Brittany opens the box, and it’s a gorgeous tea set. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s absolutely beautiful. If someone comes over for tea, they’ll use it, so it probably won’t get much use. Lisa says, as someone who’s been married for so long, they can’t expect life not to throw them challenges. Brittany says they’ve already been through a lot, and they’ve grown as individuals and as a couple.

At the pool, Danica asks Max what his problem is. She had every right to tell Dayna about something that was rubbing her the wrong way. Max says, so Dayna is her friend and Danica is just looking out for her? She was a complete bitch the first week. In Max’s interview, he says he knows Danica talked sh*t about him, and it led to him and Dayna breaking up. He doesn’t understand why she keeps getting in his business. Danica says now he’s saying she’s 86’d from her sister restaurant, but he’s saying it behind her back. He says he’s waiting for her to come in, and then he’ll tell her. She says, that’s how much of an a-hole he is? and he says, yeah. In her interview, she says, it’s easier for him to 86 her, than to own up to his sh*t. He should have told Dayna months ago. In her interview, she says he’s acting like a child. Congratulations; his plan won’t work.

Tom and Schwartz have a drink inside, and Max joins them. Tom asks if he’s okay, and he says he’s rattled. Tom asks, why? and he says Danica was yelling at him, since he 86’d her from TomTom because of the Dayna stuff. Schwartz says, there must be more to it, and Max says, it’s not just personal. She overwhelmed him in the first place, and he doesn’t need to be upset at work. Tom says he has to separate work form his personal life, but Max says he can’t do that.

Outside, Scheana tells Lala and Stassi that Kristen is sick, battered, and in a bad mood. Is there anything they want to relay? Lala says, not really, Stassi says, they’re relationship is weird. They can’t talk if they can’t be honest. She has to walk on eggshells, and doesn’t know how they can have a friendship if parts of Kristen’s life are off-limits. Kristen worships failure, and relishes defeat. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Kristen pushes away the only people who are willing to call her out on her sh*t. Scheana tells them that Kristen said Katie is projecting because she’s upset about something in her own life. In her interview, Stassi says, last year, they were partners with their Witches of WeHo wine, and they should equally be promoting it, but why should she be involved with a sisterhood she doesn’t believe in? Scheana says Kristen wonders why she’s doing it all herself, and Katie says she’s living her life. In Katie’s interview, she says she’s exploring her options, and figuring out what she loves doing. She has so much going on. We see clips of her lying around, and watching TV. She says she’s finding new projects all the time. Katie tells Scheana she could snag pictures off Pinterest and make money putting her friends pictures on T-shirts too. Scheana asks if she has free reign to parlay ([sic] I think she means relay) that to Kristen, and Stassi says they give zero f***s.

Dayna asks Max how it’s hanging, and what happened with Danica? Max says he knows Danica is the main source of a lot of his problems. She was rude from the beginning. He told Dayna sh*t from his past, saying she was looking out for Dayna. Dayna thinks Max didn’t want them to progress, and he’s happy how things turned out. He said he didn’t want to move forward. Max says, right now he can’t. He’s done nothing wrong. She asks why he’s worried about what other people are saying. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Max cares more about blaming Danica than confronting his own feelings. Max says, there’s no one to talk positive to him, and Dayna says she did, but it doesn’t matter. Tom tells everyone that he’s formally inviting them to his birthday party. The theme is, your most extra self. In his interview, Tom says, in his daily life, he’s already pretty extra, so this party needs to be extra extra. We flash back to Tom’s extraness, and he tells the group, whatever they decide to do, commit to it, and be extra like him.

At Vanderpump Dogs, Lala puts dog food out on the shelves. Lisa comes in, and asks how Lala is. Lala says she’s so happy. The wedding was fun, and exactly what Brittany wanted. Who would have thought? James and Raquel bring their dog for grooming. Lisa tells Lala that she’s gobsmacked. Lala tells them that she’s volunteering, but has Saturday free, and asks if Raquel wants to meet for a little snack or coffee, and girl talk. Lisa tells James, if he wants to talk to her, he can come to the house. They have much to discuss. In Lisa’s interview, she says, nothing she told James made a difference, so she had to use the classic and cliché tough love. She had to cut him out of her life. She hasn’t responded to his texts. She had to make him listen by not saying anything. She tells Lala, she’s sick to death of trying to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

Tom and Schwartz go to Squaresville, a vintage clothing store. Schwartz asks if Tom has a vision, and Tom says he has a couple of ideas. In his interview, he says what extra stands for is your most extroverted look on steroids; effervescence. They check out some assless chaps, and Tom says he has a confession. Don’t tell anyone, but he bought stilts. Schwartz asks if he’s in the market for stilt pants, and if this party is in his budget. Tom says he made his house payment, but bring a chair.

Lala and Raquel meet for coffee. They clink plastic cups, and Raquel says there’s just one thing she wants to mention. Last summer, Lala insulted her intelligence. It’s one thing to question her character, but it’s a different story to diminish her intelligence. I’m not sure if she just proved she is stupid, but I’d much rather someone believe I’m unintelligent than believe I lack character. She says, if Lala feels that way, they don’t need a conversation. Lala says her time is precious, and she wouldn’t waste it on an idiot. Losing more IQ points, Raquel says that means so much to her; she needed that. In her interview, Raquel says, it’s super hard to stand up to a bully, especially for someone who’s not confrontational. It feels good. Lala says she’s heard a few things about James, and wants to know how he’s doing.

James goes to Villa Rosa. Puffy! He and Lisa sit, and James says he’s happy he’s there. Lisa says she has a modicum of responsibility for his welfare. She doesn’t know why, but she does. She saw his texts to his girlfriend. James says, it just came out, and she says he used those words to a girl who stood by his side. When you love someone, you don’t treat them that way. James says he doesn’t when he’s sober, and she says he has to get help. He tells Lisa that he went to a meeting yesterday; the first in his life. It was a big deal. She says, don’t lie to her.

Raquel tells Lala that she drove James to a meeting. She walked him to the door, and he went in. She waited an hour, and when he came out, he showed her his chip.

James shows Lisa the chip, and tells her that he said he was an alcoholic. It’s a big thing for him. In Lisa’s interview, she says she can’t explain how this makes her feel; the fact that maybe there’s hope for him. James says he doesn’t want his life to end up like the sad stories he heard.  Lisa asks if thought he would go down that route, and he says, yeah, he did.

Lala tells Raquel, she thinks it’s amazing, and Raquel says that’s so kind of her. Lala says she knows what it’s like. In Lala’s interview, she says when she went to her first meeting, she felt broken, embarrassed, and overwhelmed, but for the first time in a long time, she saw light at the end of the tunnel. Lala says she’s excited for them, and her and Raquel.

James starts to cry, and Lisa says, it’s attainable; he can do it, and she’ll be there. If he slips up, or questions the path he’s on, he can call her. James says, it means so much, and thanks her.

Brittany tells Jax that Kristen is coming over with her outfit for Tom’s party. She asks what Jax is wearing, but he doesn’t know. He says it’s not his thing. Kristen arrives, and notes that Brittany is still wearing her wedding bathrobe that says I Do on the back. Brittany says their license came in, and Jax says he didn’t want to end up like Schwartz. Now he and Brittany are extra married. He wonders why they have to be extra fun for Tom’s party. They’re not twenty-five. In his interview, he asks why they still need to wear wigs and eyeliner.

Tom practices with his stilts, saying, it’s warmer when he’s this tall. He walks around the house, hugging the wall. He wants to try peeing with them on, and Ariana says, nooo.

Kristen and Brittany go through Brittany’s outfits, and Brittany asks, what’s going on with the WeHo wine. Kristen says they have another one coming out. Scheana told Katie that Kristen wanted more help with it, and her response was that she could have a T-shirt line too. Katie is jealous because she has nothing else going on, and she’s being a d*ck. Jax tells Kristen not to concentrate on what they think. People grow apart, and he’s okay with it being okay the way things are.

Acrobats twirl around in circle swings, and a bartender juggles glasses. In his interview, Max says he’s dressed as Chip Hartley, a character Tom has dressed as in the past. In Brett’s interview, he says Tom doesn’t just put on a costume, he becomes a character, and his characters are legendary around SUR. He’s honored to dress as Lisa Vanderhump, and represent on Tom’s special day. Charli says she just came as the best version of herself, which apparently means she couldn’t be bothered putting on a costume. In Stassi’s interview, she says Marie Antoinette was the queen of fashion, and is her extra self. Jax is extra annoyed that Tom is throwing extra themed birthday party. In Scheana’s interview, she says, people tell her that she’s extra about sex, and she shows up in a dominatrix outfit, bothering people with her whip.

Tom slowly makes his way to the party, leaning on Ariana, who looks like David Spade with a mustache. He walks in, and Stassi says, OMFG. Ariana says, he’s so extra; she loves it. Max takes a spill on his roller skates. Lala asks Raquel how it’s going, and Raquel says, James hasn’t been drinking. Lala says Raquel might want to check that. She heard James went to a party where everyone was getting effed up. We flash back to James telling Raquel that he’s going to a friend’s party in the Hills. Lala says she saw a video that Logan sent her, but Raquel says James went to AA. She doesn’t understand Lala’s obsession with Logan, since he lied about hooking up with James. We flash back to Logan admitting he was just being a jealous bitch. Lala still believes him about the party, and in Raquel’s interview, she says she thought Lala was going to be supportive. Raquel tells Lala, STFU. James says it’s not true. Lala suggests Raquel not tell her to STFU again. Raquel says if Lala was really concerned, she wouldn’t be stirring sh*t up, and beginning rumors, and walks away.

Tom changes costumes, but I’m not sure if he’s supposed to be Mozart or a young Einstein. In his interview, he says, what would an extra costume party be like without an extra costume? Ariana brings out a cake with sparklers on it. Katie and Stassi plan a girls night with wine. Katie asks who they should invite, and Stassi says, Brittany, Lala, and Ariana. Katie asks if she’s inviting Kristen, but Stassi says, no. Katie says Kristen thinks she’s a miserable bitch. Kristen approaches them, and says she knows they don’t want to be friends with her, but she wants to know if they still want to be in the wine thing. Stassi says she’s ready to get out when their contract is up. In Katie’s interview, she says she was hoping they could find a way to be professional. Stassi tells Kristen, she’ll 100% do what’s needed, but her heart isn’t in it. It’s weird what a difference a year makes, and this is why she doesn’t like working with other people. If that’s selfish, then she is.

Lala tells Katie and Stassi, the conversation with Raquel went fast. Raquel tells James, Logan told Lala that James went to a friend’s birthday party where people were getting effed up. Like that’s not going to happen at this birthday party. James says, f*** Logan; he’s done talking about him. In James’s interview, he says Logan isn’t going to be the reason that makes him drink. It would have to be way worse. Like he would have to… Nothing can make him drink. Kristen tells Katie that Scheana repeated what Katie said about her clothing line, and Katie says Kristen said she was unhappy and projecting on her. Kristen is a miserable human being. Kristen says they were her two sisters, and Stassi says they haven’t been sisters for a while. She doesn’t know Kristen anymore. Kristen walks away.

Next time, Ariana tells Lisa that her horse has a small wiener, Brett asks Scheana if she’s a f***girl, Jax’s birthday is coming, Lala says Raquel forgot her place, and Lala is going to remind her.

🦎 RIP Daug  🦎 

RIPDaug (2)

🦄 How Did It Happen…?

I’ve not only survived through Tuesday, it looks like I’ll get to bed before 4 am.

March 17, 2020 – Jordan Gets TJ’s Location, Brittany Finally Gets Married & Not the End


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

I missed the very beginning, since it looked like the show was getting preempted, but at the last minute, it came on. It’s an easy catch-up.

Harmony tells Jason that she had car trouble. Jason says she stepped up when he needed her to help, so any repairs are on him.

Sam asks Alexis to give Molly a call. Alexis asks where Sam is off to, and Sam says she’s going to see Jordan about TJ. Alexis says, big sister to the rescue. Sam leaves, and Alexis’s phone rings.

Elizabeth tells Neil that Cameron is saying it’s no big deal, but she thinks he would benefit from therapy. Neil says he’s happy to help, and she asks if he takes insurance. He says he does (I would think so, since he works from the hospital), but if there are any problems, they’ll work it out. She should talk to Cameron first before they move forward. You can’t force someone to talk.

Josslyn says she can’t tell Cameron how glad she is that he’s okay. If something had happened… Cameron says there were a couple of moments where he actually thought he was going to die. You know what the last thing is he wished for? The doorbell rings, and Josslyn answers. She says, look who it is, and Laura walks in.

Trina and Portia are at the MetroCourt. Carly tells Trina that Cameron is at her house with Josslyn, if she wants to swing by for a visit. If it’s okay with Portia. Portia says it is, and Trina leaves. Carly tells Portia that she’s having Josslyn and Dev home schooled. Dustin is coming to tutor them, so they can have some human interaction, but they’re taking the rest of their courses online. She’d be more than happy for Trina to join, if Portia doesn’t want to send her back. Portia says Trina seems determined to get on with her life, and she wants that for Trina. Carly says the offer stands if she changes her mind. Portia thanks her, and says there’s something else she wants to discuss. She’s realized there may be an issue with Ava.

Michael tells Sasha that Diane fought with everything she had, until she had to move forward. There’s no formal order in place, but Nelle gets to see Wiley. Sasha asks if Nelle is on her way, and Michael nods. She says, okay; things happen. What if they’re out for a walk, or Wiley is visiting his grandparents? He says if they do that, they’ll be playing into Nelle’s hands. Nelle arrives, and tells Wiley, hi, baby. Mommy’s here.

Chase asks if Willow thinks her mom feels guilty, and believes she can’t comfort Willow. Willow says, maybe. She made a hideous mistake, and did everything in her power to rectify it, but at the end of the day, Harmony is still her mom. Michael calls Chase, asking him for a favor. He says Nelle is there for a court appointed visit, and he could use another pair of eyes – not as a cop, but as a friend, just hanging out. Chase says he’s on his way, and Willow asks if something is wrong. Chase says, Nelle.

Harmony tells Brando, it’s nice of Jason to offer to pay for her car repair, and he’s hard to argue with, but she thought she was just going to a garage. Brando says he can’t make her let him look at her car, but Sonny and Jason did set him up. She asks what his connection is to them, and he says he’s part of Sonny’s family. He did them a favor, and it’s their way of paying him back. She says she doesn’t know Sonny, but it sounds like Jason. He says he’d hate if his first customer ran away. Help him do this.

Carly tells Portia, Ava is despicable. Ava had an inappropriate relationship with her son, and ruined his life, literally. There was nothing cordial about her relationship with Ava, unless you count them not killing each other. Ava takes people, chews them up, and spits them out, and Carly is afraid Trina is next.

Curtis tells Jordan that he made reservations at the new restaurant in Beecher’s Corners. If they leave now, they can beat the crowd. Jordan says she can’t… and he says, because she has to work. She’s going to burn herself out. She says she’s fine, and he says he used to say the same thing back when he was using. He didn’t use to party, but to stay awake watching. He gave it his whole life, and he doesn’t want her to get caught up like he did, until she won’t be able to do her job. Jordan says she’s the one who took the position. Cyrus is coming down on Port Charles like a hammer because of her. She wants to spend time with him, but she needs to work. Sorry. He tells her, just take care, and she says she loves him. He says he loves her too. He’ll see her around. He leaves, and she looks at the picture of TJ on her phone.

Willow tells Chase, she can’t believe that psycho is allowed near Wiley. Chase asks if she wants to come with him. He’s sure Michael would like having her there, but he doesn’t know what’s best for her. She says, join the club. She wants to help, but doesn’t know if that means going or staying away. Jason comes by, and asks to talk to Willow. She tells Chase, go ahead, and Jason tells her, he’s concerned about her mom. He and Sonny were out at a friend’s garage, and she came in with a new car. Willow is surprised Harmony had a new car, and Jason says he thought it seemed odd too. How could she afford it? Willow says she doesn’t know. Jason says she seemed nervous, and she’s never been like that with him. Willow says Harmony is grateful to him. He got through to her, and helped her get away from Shiloh. He says he thought she should know, and she says she’s been starting to worry about her mom too.

Brando tells Harmony that her car is ready. She says it’s new, and she can’t believe it broke down. He says, it was an easy fix; the gas cap was loose. It’s the most common reason for the check engine light to come on. She says she filled up before she came; she’s an idiot. He says she’s not, and she says, sorry to waste his time. She says, there’s no reason to bill Jason for the repair? and Brando says, right. She says, great; she’ll get out of his hair. He asks if she minds if he asks her something. Why does Jason make her nervous? She says, he knows who Jason is, right? What he does, and what he and Sonny really have going on? He says he thought he did. Fill him in

Portia tells Carly, she’s always let Trina have freedom, and it’s worked out well. Trina is hard-working and level-headed. When Trina asked about the internship, it’s not something Portia is passionate about, but Trina was fired up about it. She went about it in a responsible way, but seems to be spending more time with Ava, and it’s Ava this, and Ava that. She doesn’t like it. Carly doesn’t blame her, and Portia says nothing she’s read about Ava is anything she’d want Trina to emulate, be around, or even have anything to do with. Now Carly is saying she feels the same way, acting on personal experience. It concerns her. Carly says, it should.

Laura asks if Sonny is home, and Josslyn says, he’s not, and asks if she can take a message. Laura says, no. She knew it was a long shot, but she was in the area and thought she’d take a chance. She’s glad she did, since she got a chance to see Cameron. She asks, how is he? and he says, okay. She asks about Josslyn, and Josslyn says she should be asking Laura that question. Cameron says Laura is the one who got shot, and Laura says, of all the things that could have happened, it’s not that bad. She’s not recommending it, but here she is. Her prognosis is excellent, and there’s no lasting damage. And she’s grateful nothing happened to them. Josslyn says she is too, and Laura says it’s her responsibility to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else ever again. Cameron says it was scary and terrible, but he didn’t get hurt. Laura asks for a hug for the road, and says she loves him. He says he loves her too, and she tells him, be safe; Josslyn too. She leaves, and Josslyn says Cameron was great with his grandma. He says he knows he can talk to her, and he meant what he said. What happened was awful, but it was really terrible for… Trina walks in.

Sam visits Jordan, who asks how she can help. Sam says she’s hoping Jordan can help. Molly is freaking out. TJ still hasn’t contacted her, and she told Molly she’d look into it.

Nelle says Wiley is getting so big, and his cute factor is over the top. Chase comes in, and Nelle asks, what is this? Chase says he’s picking Michael up to play squash. Nelle says, Michael doesn’t play squash, and Michael says he just picked it up. She asks if she has to call her attorney about Michael bringing over a cop to intimidate her. Chase says he and Michael are good friends; he’s there all the time. Michael says he had Diane double-check, and he can have someone over when she visits. Chase goes over to Wiley, and asks if Michael has any Smacks; they’re both growing boys. Michael says he’ll raid the kitchen.

Willow tells Jason, at the memorial, her mother was doing well, and things seemed to be getting better. Jason says, but it didn’t last? and Willow says, she started to pull away; not answering the phone, and saying she’d text later. She didn’t think much of it, but now she has a random new car. She doesn’t know where her mom would get the money from. He says that might explain why Harmony is distant. If she’s mixed up in something dangerous, she wouldn’t want Willow near it. She says her mother just got out of prison. The last thing she’d want is to go back.

Harmony tells Brando, it’s a long story, but she’ll give him a brief version. She was involved in a cult, and to her everlasting regret, her daughter joined too. When it fell apart, she went to prison, and she’s struggling to make a fresh start. He probably wouldn’t understand. He says he does. He did time, and knows how important it is not to repeat the same mistake. She says that’s what she’s trying to do, and he says he takes it that it didn’t work out.

Neil sees Alexis at the hospital, and asks how she is. She says, not as good as him, pointing to his new ID tag. He says he’s officially on staff, and she says, wonderful. He says he wouldn’t be there without her help.

Sam tells Jordan that a friend researched the location on TJ’s phone, and it just came in. Jordan says, give her the location, but Sam says she can go. Jordan says, it’s one of those places that’s a grey area, and Sam asks what she means. Jordan says Sam is a paroled ex-con. She wants nothing but the best for Sam, but they both know her friend is Spinelli, who did some illegal hacking. It’s better for Sam to give her the coordinates, and step away. Sam asks if that’s an order, and Jordan says, it’s the smart thing to do. She’s a cop, and has a badge, and it’s her son. Let her handle it.

Carly says she truly understands, and doesn’t want to scare Portia, but she tried to handle the situation with Morgan, and it backfired. She tried to stop the relationship, and forbid Morgan to see Ava. His reaction was to move out, and move in with Ava. She knows it’s not the same thing, but Ava creates tons of attention, and Morgan gave it to her. He worshiped the ground she walks on. Portia says, sounds like the same thing that’s happening with Trina. Carly suggests she limit things without cutting them off. If it’s forbidden fruit, Trina will run to it, and Ava will take full advantage. Portia thanks Carly, and says she has a lot think about. Carly leaves, and Curtis sits down.

Trina tells Cameron and Josslyn that her mom is suddenly all over her; checking on her every five seconds. It’s the complete opposite of what it used to be like, and she hates it. Josslyn says, it’s annoying, but it’s a natural reaction. Something horrible happened, and Trina’s mom is scared. Her dad calls ten times a day, even though the shootout was ages ago. Trina says Josslyn has been though crazy crap before, and can handle it. Go her. She wants her life back, and wants her mom to chill out, and be the way she used to be. Trina storms out onto the terrace.

Nelle tells Wiley, they’ll do it again soon, and takes a selfie of the two of them. Wiley is talking a little now, and even cuter than before. Nelle says she’ll be back for the rest of her visit, and leaves. Chase says they need to talk, and Michael says he’ll take Wiley upstairs. When he’s gone, Sasha asks Chase, how bad is it? and he says, it’s bad.

Michael comes back, and says Wiley is all set up, and playing Legos. Really the nanny is setting them up, and Wiley is smashing them. Chase says, sounds about right, and Michael says, talk to him. Chase says, Nelle is a dangerous psychopath, who could harm a little boy. As a cop, his legal options in getting rid of her aren’t great, unless he catches her breaking the law. Michael says she knows Wiley is her best leverage, and she’s not giving him up. His strategy can’t be attacking her, but proving how stable he is, and what an amazing life he can give Wiley. Sasha says, which brings them full circle. Michael needs to get married.

Josslyn follows Trina out, and says, sorry. Trina says, why? She’s the one who acted like a complete psycho. Josslyn says, maybe a little, but how many times has she acted like that, and Trina’s been there for her? They’re friends, and Josslyn loves her, and is there for her – always. They hug, and Cameron comes out. He tells Josslyn, her computer keeps lighting up, and she says she has a tutorial scheduled. She runs in, and Cameron asks if Trina is okay. She says, no. She hates that she blew up like that. He says he understands, but she says he shouldn’t have to. Why can’t she handle this better?

Laura goes to the hospital, and Elizabeth asks if she’s there for her follow-up. Laura says she is, but she’s early. Elizabeth checks the schedule, and says the doctor has an opening. She asks how Laura is feeling, and Laura says, wonderful. She asks how Elizabeth is, and Elizabeth says, well, but she’s concerned about Cameron. What else is new? Laura says she just ran into him at Sonny’s, and Elizabeth asks how he seemed. Laura says, okay, but she thinks he’s covering. She thinks something is going on; not dangerously so, but he’s trying to be strong. It doesn’t worry her, but maybe Elizabeth should keep an eye on him. Try to believe him when he says he’s okay. Elizabeth tells her, easier said than done.

Sam asks if Jordan is sure this is how she wants to proceed. She though Jordan is busy with the outbreak of violence. Jordan says, thanks, but no, and Sam sends her the location. Sam asks Jordan to do her a favor, and have TJ call Molly if she sees him. She’s never seen Molly this upset. Jordan says she will, and Sam leaves. Jordan loads her gun.

Harmony tells Branco, she’s so sorry. She shouldn’t have unburdened herself like that. Jason threw her for a loop, but she’s great, and he looks like he’s doing great. Good luck with the shop. Maybe she’ll see him around. He says, Jason seems like a fair guy, and she says she doesn’t disagree. He says he’s sure if she’s in trouble, Jason would help. She says she’s sure he would. Luckily, she’s not in trouble. She leaves, and he watches as she goes back to her car.

Nelle goes to the MetroCourt, and says she’s glad Carly is there. She just came from a visit with her son. She thought Carly would like to hear about it.

Neil tells Alexis that he’s getting settled in his office, and she says she’s going to a meeting. She’s not saying anything about what happened in New York, but he says he doesn’t expect her to hold anything back from the group. She says she’s fine with herself, and her conscience is clear. He says he wishes his was, and she says they can’t have everything.

Elizabeth tells Laura, she spoke to Neil, and thinks Cameron should talk to him, but doesn’t want Cameron to think she’s pressuring him. Laura says Elizabeth knows how she feels; she’s very pro psychiatric help. Elizabeth asks if Laura thinks it’s a good idea, and Laura says, sure, but would Cameron go for it? She tells Elizabeth to give Cameron time to realize he needs someone to talk to. The more it comes from him, the better. Elizabeth asks if she’s told Laura how grateful she is for her lately. They hug, and Laura says she’s grateful for Elizabeth too.

Jason asks how Brando’s first customer was, and Brando says he’s going to be straight with Jason. She was nervous about something, and nothing was wrong with her car.

Jordan puts on her gun, and looks at the picture. She opens the door, and Harmony is there. Jordan says, not right now; sorry. Harmony says she has an update.

Portia says she’s glad Curtis is there. She’s been meaning to reach out. He saved her baby girl’s life, and she’s forever grateful. Trina’s attitude is unacceptable. She needs someone to blame, and clearly, it’s him. Curtis says, she lost her father. It makes sense to blame the man who survived. Portia says, it’s unfair, and he says, still, Trina is an amazing young woman. He appreciates that Portia is grateful, but thinks it’s time they talk about Trina.

Trina says, look how much better Cameron is handling it. He’s amazing. He says he doesn’t feel that way. When he ran out, a guy followed him. He tripped and fell in the woods. Trina says, oh my God, and he says, the guy was standing over him with a gun, and all he kept thinking was, this is it; this is where he dies. And then he heard the gunshot. He thought it was him. Now he keeps having nightmares about it. He thought of all the things he wanted to do in life, and how he’d never get to do them. Trina says, then he wakes up. He says, he wakes up, and tells himself it will be okay, but he doesn’t know. Maybe he’s not okay. She says she’s not either, and he holds her while she cries. She says she has the same nightmares. Not exactly the same, but the only thing that gets her through is knowing that they didn’t die. If she’d lost him, she wouldn’t be able to do this; any of it. He says, neither would he, and they kiss.

Carly says Nelle wasted her time. She knows Nelle was granted visitation, and Michael is complying. She’s guessing what happened is, Nelle couldn’t provoke Michael, and she couldn’t go crying to the judge. She doesn’t want to play, and tells Nelle to order or get out. Nelle says Carly’s been telling herself that Michael will take her baby, and Wiley will never know her, or even remember who she is. Carly says, damn straight, and Nelle says she and Wiley have a special bond even Carly can’t break. He lit up the moment he saw her, and she can prove it. She shows Carly the picture.

Sasha tells Michael, his best shot is finding Wiley a better stepmother than Nelle will ever be a mother. Michael says marrying Sasha won’t work; they went over that. The doorbell rings, and it’s Willow. She asks what she can do to help.

Tomorrow, Josslyn asks what she missed, Sasha wants Willow to marry Michael, and Jordan tells Harmony to take her to her son in exchange for her life.

Vanderpump Rules

It’s the day of the wedding. Flowers are brought out, and chairs are set up. In her interview, Brittany says she’s always dreamed of the perfect wedding since she was a little girl. She wants to look good and feel good. These are memories you can’t take back, and it’s going to be the most perfect day. She does know she’s marrying Jax, right?

Stassi thinks it’s going to be so fun. Katie confers with wedding planner Mitchell on strategy so that Jax doesn’t see Brittany before the ceremony. Lance arrives, and in Katie’s interview, she says when she was younger, she and her girlfriends each claimed a member of NSYNC. Lance was hers, and she’d lick his face on the poster. Yuk! In Jax’s interview, he says as much as he drank last night – we flash back to that – he’s going to power through. He thinks his body knows how much he spent, and is recovering quickly. Katie tells him not to dawdle, and he asks if dawdle is a word.

Brittany’s mom says, finally, and her Mamaw arrives. Stassi is busy steaming Brittany’s dress, and in her interview, says she feels like they’ve been doing this for an hour and forty-seven minutes. They could have watched The Notebook in its entirety. But Brittany wants it to be perfection, so that’s what they’re giving her. The girls get their hair done.

On their balcony, Scheana tells Kristen that it’s Brittany’s dream day, and asks where Carter is. Kristen says he’s at the hotel, and texted, asking her what time the wedding was. She can’t be responsible for him, since she’s going to be with the girls all day. She’s trying to distance herself, but wonders if she should ignore his texts. Scheana looks out to the parking lot, and says, Carter is literally right there. In Kristen’s interview, she says every time she sees Carter, she wishes it could have worked out. It’s effing sad. Carter comes up to their balcony, and says, hi, gorgeous. Scheana makes herself scarce.

Tom tells Jax the cufflinks are already connected in his shirt. Ariana calls Tom, saying, one of the bridesmaids needs a tampon. In his interview, he says there was time he thought he wasn’t going to be there, but he’s glad he is, because of this kind of situation. We flash back to him saying he even brought tampons, and he says, that’s why a best best man is needed.   

Lisa arrives, gorgeous in black. Jax says, surprisingly, he’s feeling really good. He’s having his dad’s favorite meal; a Coke, a burger, and fries. Everyone wonders where Randall is.

He’s still in bed, talking films with Beau. Lala pokes her head in the door, and asks what he’s doing. Is he even dressed? That’s a no, and she says she’s mortified. He’s lying in bed; WTF is he doing? Get up now. In Lala’s interview, she says, Randall lives in his own world. He has people who give him a schedule that he follows, and that person isn’t there. She wants to go in on him, but she’s not going to rip his head off – until later. Lisa tells Lance, it brings back memories, and it’s a lot of pressure. Lance says he needs to get the timing, and asks Lisa to give him her best Brittany and Jax impression. He goes through the script with her, and she’s pretty good, as well as very funny.

Everyone is seated. Larry Birkhead is a guest, as he’s a friend of Brittany’s, which is kind of weird. Schwartz is afraid of losing the ring. Lisa asks Jax how he is, and he says, nervous. She tells him, calm down; it’s going to be great. She says, emotions are a good thing, and he says he has so much in his head. His dad isn’t there, and his mom didn’t even text his godmother. It hurt his feelings. In Jax’s interview, he says it means a lot having Lisa  there, since his parents aren’t. Lisa puts everything at ease. Lance says he knows Jax’s head must be everywhere, but listen to what’s being said. Lance is wearing glasses, and Lisa asks if he’s trying to look serious. Schwartz wants to savor the moment of being able to tell Lisa what to do, and tells her, take a seat.

Carter asks if it’s reserved seating. The ceremony is outdoors, and in Beau’s interview, he says, it’s disgustingly hot, and his ass is like a Florida swamp. Exciting as this is, please hurry up. Brittany messes with her dress, saying it still could use some pressing, but Stassi says there isn’t any more they can do. Tom tries to help shade people with an umbrella, and Lance meets Jax’s godmother. Jax walks out with his godmother, and his dad-in-a-box.

Brittany comes down stairs, looking like the princess she is. She tells her dad that he looks handsome, and she loves him. He asks if she’s ready to walk down the aisle, and should he hang on to her? She says if he doesn’t, she might keep walking. The procession begins, and Don tells Brittany to take in every moment. In Jax’s interview, he says he thinks his dad is proud. He loved Brittany, and Jax doesn’t have to think about what his dad would say about that. He finally became the son his dad raised him to be. In Brittany’s interview, she says she thought she’d be nervous, but she can’t wait to walk down the aisle, and see Jax for the first time. The day she’s dreamed of her entire life is finally happening. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Jax is a whole different person. He’s vulnerable and sincere. She likes this one. Brittany peeks out, and it’s time.

As Brittany comes into view, Jax says, wow, and Schwartz says, she’s a keeper. Jax wipes his eyes. Kristen says she’s never seen Brittany so happy, and Lisa says she’s gorgeous. Ariana tells Scheana to lower her bouquet, so everyone can see her tits. Scheana says, flowers down; tits out. Lance begins saying Jason is the artist formerly known as Jax, and Brittany is the beauty to his beast. Nothing has been a more important influence in their lives than their families, and Lisa of course. Don gives Brittany away, and Lance says, ladies first. Brittany reads her vows, saying she’s been absolutely crazy about Jax since they met. He’s her best friend, and the person she loves most in the whole world. They can be very different, but balance each other out. He makes her feel whole. She can’t wait for him to be her husband, and knows he’ll be the most incredible father. She’s the happiest girl in the world. He’s her lobster. Jax says she’s made him the happiest, luckiest man in the world. She walked into his life four years ago, with her smile and accent. She told him she’d been a bartender at Hooters, and he said he had to marry this girl. She’s positive, giving, and caring. She smiles all day, and wants everyone to be happy. He loves her so much, and he’s excited to be her husband. Brittany wants to kiss him now, and Lance asks for the rings. Jax says, oh God; he gave them to Schwartz. Schwartz fumbles around for a moment, but unearths the rings from a pocket. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he did lose the rings for a second. Brittany and Jax say their vows, but they only say for richer or poorer. Is that an L.A. thing, or does no one care about the rest anymore? Lance pronounces them husband and wife, and they kiss. Lance says, he’s honored and privileged to be the first to present Mr. and Mrs. Jason Cauchi.

At SUR, Danica asks Charli if she thinks they’re having fun at the wedding. Charli says her dream wedding is getting wasted and doing a drive-thru in Las Vegas, but Brittany was excited.

At TomTom server Valissa tells Max that she heard some drama about him. He says Dayna is the first girl he’s been down to be serious with. They were exclusive for three days when people made up sh*t. Valissa says she heard he had another relationship going on, but he says, that’s not true. She tells him that he’s got to keep out of trouble, and he says he’s just focusing on work, so he doesn’t have to deal. In his interview, he says work helps to keep his mind off what he needs right now. It sucks. I say, zzzzzzz…

At the reception, Lance tells everyone, the minister was something, but now they’re taking the party to the next level. He welcomes Brittany and Jax. They walk in, and Brittany does some raise the roof moves. Lisa asks if Katie is serious, and she and Schwartz didn’t file the paperwork for their marriage. In Lisa’s interview, she wonders if Schwartz made an unconscious decision. He has commitment issues, and maybe it’s subliminal that he never follows through. She tells Schwarz, he had one job. In Schwartz’s interview, he says Lisa officiated their wedding, but she can’t be that mad at him. Can she? Lisa tells him that he can’t sweep everything under the rug.

Raquel meets Dayna and Danica for coffee. Danica says she can’t drink because she has a breathalyzer in her car. In her interview, she says she got a DUI when she had five people in her car, going to an after-party in the Hills. She got pulled over, and now she has to do a breathalyzer before she starts the car, and every fifteen minutes while she’s driving. It’s so embarrassing. Raquel says she and James’s relationship isn’t perfect (an understatement times ten), and she doesn’t want to be an enabler, making excuses and coming to his rescue. Dayna says it’s not Raquel’s job to keep James clean and sober. Raquel says if James can’t take the self-help, she’s going to break up with him. Danica says, maybe that will be the trigger that forces James to make a change. Dayna encourages Raquel to stand her ground. In Raquel’s interview, she says when she first moved to L.A., she was worried about making new friends. It was difficult, but having Dayna and Danica to support her is really nice. Dayna tells them that she found out Max was at a restaurant with another girl, but it wasn’t the romantic one she thought it was. In her interview, she says she made a mistake and ran with it. Danica says, it doesn’t matter where they were eating. In Danica’s interview, she says, just because it was a brunch spot, doesn’t change the fact that Max cheated. She just caught him at a different stage of the cheating. They probably grabbed dinner, banged, and went out for French toast the next morning. It doesn’t matter where they were in the hook up line when they were caught; they hooked up. Since in reality, Charli knows none of that for a fact, I’d say watch out for this one. She asks Dayna if Max might be leading his ex on, but Dayna says the situation was different than she thought. Danica says Dayna isn’t going back with Max, is she? but Dayna says she’s interested, and believes Max likes her. She wants to start over, and pretend it didn’t happen. Danica says Max has a bouquet of red flags. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Danica is judgy for someone who has to blow in a breathalyzer to start her car. Dayna loves that for her.

Don says a before meal prayer, and tells everyone, enjoy. Giggy! I’d want him at my wedding too. Shep Rose is a guest, and in his interview, Jax says he’s known Shep for three or four years. He’s a womanizer, a lot of fun, and likes to be the center of attention. They have a lot of similarities. Logan asks why Carter isn’t smiling, and he gripes about how he and Kristen don’t have sex. Logan asks if Carter is living with Kristen, but he says he isn’t. In Jax’s interview, he says, Kristen fought hard to have Carter there, and she’s nowhere near him. He could have cut back on expenses by cutting Carter. I have no idea why Logan is there either. That dude is a sleaze. Carter tells Logan, he could wind up in Kristen’s bed. If it happens, it happens. Stassi says she loves everything about the wedding. Beau says he loves air conditioning. Stassi says, if she plans an outside wedding, it would be in the fall when it’s cool. She doesn’t want anyone to sweat or have the sun in their eyes. Beau adds, and no kids. She asks if he’s saying they’re getting married, and he says he wants to find the right time when he feels ready. She says she can control every other thing in her life, except when she’s get married. In her interview, she says she’s not going into the dark passenger zone at someone else’s wedding.

Schwartz makes a speech, saying he met Jax ten years ago. Tom suggested they get another roommate, and Schwartz said as long as they didn’t have too much presence. Then in walked larger than life Jax- MF’ing-Taylor. He was ripped, tan, and gorgeous. Those are Jax’s words, not his. He sh*t with the door open and had no shame. He got wasted and unplugged Schwartz’s air mattress in the middle of the night. And he watches reruns of the Golden Girls. In Jax’s interview, he says, the wedding cost $100K. If he takes 24 hours, and divides it by the 17 minutes Schwartz talked, it was an expensive speech. Schwartz starts talking about weed, and Jax tells him, it’s Kentucky. They raise their glasses, and Schwartz says he realized there’s more he wants to say, but he hands the mic off to the next person.

Don dances with Brittany, who says she’s so happy. In Lala’s interview, she says, watching Brittany dance with her dad, she can’t help thinking that when she gets married, the most important man in her life won’t be there. She’s so happy Brittany gets to have that. Randall asks if she’s okay, and she nods, wiping her eyes. I wipe mine too, since I identify. My dad passed away a few months before I got married. The cake is cut, and Brittany yells, we’re married! She and Jax dance, and she tells him that he can grab her butt and stuff. They kiss.

Outside, Carter tells Kristen, she looks beautiful, and she tells him, he looks dapper. He asks if she’s having fun, and she says it’s the best time ever, but her allergies are more stubborn than he is. He says they’re both stubborn, and she tells him, don’t get weird. He asks if she’s feeling okay, and she says he doesn’t listen. It’s their number one problem. When he’s sad and scared, he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He asks why he would be sad and scared; he’s having a great time hanging with her. She says he’d texted her that she was selfish unkind, and he says she was at the time, but she says she was none of those things. He was saying it to manipulate her. He’s sad and hurt because he wants her to give him attention. He says it will be okay, but it’s not working right now. Carter says he loves her and wants to be with her, but she doesn’t want to play that game. She doesn’t like how he treats her. He says he’s not treating her any way, and she says she’s not giving him what he wants. She asked for space, and she’s taking it. He says he loves her. In her interview, Kristen says she would be sad if Carter wasn’t there, but she’s sad that he is there. All of her friends are finding their happily ever afters. Brittany and Jax are married; Beau and Stassi are on the road to engagement; and Schwartz and Katie are on their second wedding. She and Carter have been in  relationship for four years and she’s not even close to happily ever after. She walks back inside, leaving Carter sitting alone.

It’s near midnight, and Lisa says it’s time for her to leave. In her interview, she says her decision to come was absolutely what she wanted. She’s still in mourning, but wanted to be present in the moment of their happiness. Bye, Giggy! Jax and Brittany go out on the balcony, and Jax calls all the single ladies. His money is on Kristen. In Ariana’s interview, she says, Kristen always fights for the bouquet. In Brittany’s interview, she says she’s trying to aim for Stassi, who she thinks will be next to get married, and trying to avoid Kristen, who she doesn’t want catching it until she has somebody worth catching it for. Her cousin Amanda ends up with the bouquet, and she says her cousin is only eighteen, and doesn’t need to get married either just yet. Everyone gets sparklers, and they form a double line. Brittany and Jax walk down the middle, holding their dogs. In Jax’s interview, he says he feels like Brittany’s Prince Charming today. They threw one classy wedding, and need one classy party.

Changing location, the guests dance into the room between two lines of Hooters girls. In Lala’s interview, she says it’s given her a lot of ideas about what she wants to do at her wedding, and things she doesn’t want; one of which is a Hooters girl with huge tits asking if she wants ranch on her chicken wings. There’s lots of dancing, and Tom dances with Lance. In Katie’s interview, she says Tom is living out his teenage boy band dreams. If NSYNC gets back together, Justin Timberlake is pretty busy now, so…  

SUR is busy as usual, and James drops Raquel off. She asks what he’s doing, and he says, going to a party in the Hills. She says, no drinking, and he promises, saying he’s going to drive. Inside, Charli wonders why Dayna isn’t at the wedding, but Dayna says she needs the money. If she gets married, it will be at a courthouse. Charli asks if Dayna is still with Max, and Dayna says, no, but thinks she jumped the gun on anything with him. She wants to talk to him tomorrow. In Dayna’s interview, she says she regrets breaking up so quickly. Her defense mechanism is to cut things off at the first sign of trouble, and this is a perfect example of her defense mechanism biting her in the ass. Charli says she doesn’t know him enough to judge, but what the hell does he have that’s so magical? Dayna says, a big old d*ck. She doesn’t feel settled, and needs to talk to him. In Charli’s interview, she says she’s glad she’s not the dumbest person at SUR.

Scheana dances suggestively with one of the groomsmen. In Stassi’s interview, she says when they walked through the tunnel the tone changed from wedding fashion chic to Kentucky chic, or drunk chic. Embarrassing as it is, there was a point in time where she said she wanted to marry Jax. We flash back to that, and she says a twenty-three year old should not trust anything when a guy in West Hollywood says he’s a super model. Scheana is now madly making out with the groomsman. In her interview, Scheana says, being a bridesmaid is the best. You’re first on the guest list, you get to dress up and look hot, and make out with the single groomsmen. She’s doing what Kristen should be doing, instead of chasing Carter in the darkness. Katie tells Jax that they need cash for the bar, and Jax tells Mitchell the guests are being charged for vodka that he bought. In his interview, Jax says, after what he put out, he can’t believe he looks at the bar and sees his friends paying. He gripes to anyone who will listen that he spent over $100K on the wedding, and has sixty bottles of vodka. Tom realizes the vodka is in the room where they had dinner, and goes to get it. In his interview, he says, that’s what a best man is for. In a time of crisis, he comes through with a victory and saves the day. In Jax’s interview, he says he gives Tom a B- or a C. It’s passing. Brittany tells Jax, the wedding is perfect. They beat the odds, made it through, and they’re stronger than ever. Katie puts Schwartz to bed, and Jax and Brittany kiss.

The next morning, Brittany tells Jax, they’re married, and he says they have to be out by 11. In his interview, he says, no late fees. The free ride is over. He’s not paying because people don’t want to get up. Brittany shrugs, but he says, it’s not happening. Brittany says she’ll find out how much, and they’ll go from there.

Back in L.A., Dayna goes to see Max at TomTom. She gives him a letter for Lisa, saying, it was devastating about her mom. She notices Max’s new tattoo, and says they don’t talk for a day, and he’s a new person. She apologizes, and says she doesn’t think he was lying about the girl he was previously seeing. Something clicked, and she found out there are two restaurants called Jones. She pictured him at the romantic restaurant, and she was wrong. It was a booboo her part. He says he was honest with her, but she listened to the people in her ear, who made him look bad. It’s not his fault, but he does appreciate the apology. He’s frustrated that she believes everyone but him. She asks if he wants to move forward; the ball is in his court. In Max’s interview, he says the girls at SUR have been trying to ruin their relationship since the beginning. He tells Dayna that he needs time to focus. She asks if he still has feelings for her, but he says he doesn’t know. He needs time. In Dayna’s interview, she says she’s crushed. She wanted him to meet her halfway. She put herself out there, and it’s not something she does a lot. She wishes it had worked out. She tried, but it didn’t.

Jax knocks on everyone’s doors. Ariana tells Tom, they have to go, and Tom asks, why? Jax tells Schwartz, they have to be out in 26 minutes, and Schwartz asks if he can finish his speech now. Carter spent the night in Kristen and Scheana’s room, and in her interview, Kristen says she thought she’d be strong and not backslide, yet… She shrugs. Jax says the credit cards are maxed out. It’s time to go.

This season, Katie senses something bad happening, a trip to a strip club, Lisa tells Jax that he has a habit of being self-destructive, Dayna is interested in Brett, Lisa tells James that he has to get help, Danica tells Max that his plan won’t work, Tom wonders why Jax can’t be happy for him, Jax wonders if he did the right thing, and Kristen says, Jason is gone and Jax is back.

🙀 It’s Not Really…

As the Brits say, keep calm and carry on.

March 10, 2020 – Sonny Pays Brad a Visit, Kyle Plots Against Candace, Kristen Is Not Number One, Good Karma & Hard Day


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Alexis and Neil bask in the afterglow. They smile at each other.

Michael builds a dollhouse. Sasha comes in, and says he was awfully quiet last night. He says Diane gave him a lot to think about, and Sasha asks if he wants to talk. He says he’d appreciate her take on this. To bolster his case for custody, Diane suggested he get married.

Ava runs into Julian at the hospital, and asks what he’s doing there. He says, looking for his son, and she asks if Lucas is talking to him again. He says, first, Lucas loses Wiley, then has to kick his husband to the curb, and he rushes back to work. Ava asks if he’s worried about Brad’s arraignment, but Julian says it doesn’t have anything to do with him. She asks if he’s not afraid Brad is going to give him up. He says if Brad makes him the bad guy, he could go prison for aiding, abetting, and kidnapping.

Scotty tells Brad to untie his hands; give him something. Brad wonders what else he can give Scotty to make it better, and Scotty says something to blur the lines and give reasonable doubt. Something to get the guilty off of him.

At The Floating Rib, Mac stands next to Taggert’s picture, and says they’ve gathered to celebrate the life and memory of Marcus Taggert. He suggests Jordan go first, but she says, what is there to say? Taggert was the bravest man she ever knew. She raises her beer bottle, and says, to Marcus Taggert, and everyone else follows suit. Trina thanks Cameron for coming, and Elizabeth tells Portia that she’s sorry. Portia says she appreciates it. It means a lot to Trina that they came too. Trina says she’s right, and hugs Cameron.

Laura sees Curtis at the hospital, and asks if he’s okay. He says he gave blood, and she says doing his civic duty. He says he’s just in it for the cookie; helping others is a bonus. She finds that hard to believe, and says he was missed at the funeral. He says, that’s another reason why he’s there. He thought he could do more good donating blood after all that’s been shed. She tells him to stop beating himself up about what happened to Taggert. He says, if he’d had more time or a better plan… but Laura says Taggert had a plan. He wanted Curtis to get his daughter out alive, and Curtis did it. She tells him, Mac is hosting a wake at The Floating Rib, and he should go. He says he’d feel out of place, but she says, if anyone should be there, it’s him.

Mac asks if anyone else wants to say something. Sonny says he does, but Jordan says, the memorial is for friends, family, and cops. He says he just wants to pay his respects. He asks if he can have a glass, but Mac says, it’s for cops only. Sonny says he can do it without one, and walks up front. He says, if he had a glass, he’d raise it to Taggert. It’s no surprise they didn’t like each other. They had a lot of battles, but in the end, he respected Taggert. He was a brave man; loyal to the people he loved, and committed to the code of honor. He says, to Marcus Taggert, but no one responds. I feel sad for Sonny.

Brad says he told Scotty a billion times. The only other person who knew about the baby switch was Nelle. It was her idea. Scotty says Nelle insists Brad stole the baby while she was passed out, and Brad says, she’s lying. Scotty says he needs prove it. He needs to know if there’s somebody else mixed up in this with Brad.

Ava says Brad knows Julian is his only friend. He says, when a ship sinks, that kind of friend takes the raft. Brad is the person he’s least concerned about. If Sonny finds out… She says, there’s one solution; Sonny can’t find out.

Michael tells Sasha, on one hand, it might help to show he’s more qualified to care for Wiley. She says, living in a mansion with a full-time staff might help. He says, it doesn’t hurt, but a nanny isn’t a substitute for a mother’s love. In the meantime, Nelle has money from the sale of her ELQ shares. She says, what about character witnesses? Does Nelle even have any? He says, he has more stability, and Wiley will be loved and nurtured. It’s not even close, but it’s Nelle. Sasha says, she’s a master manipulator, and Michael says she’s turned playing the victim into an art form. She asks, what about him? What does he think about this marriage thing?

Alexis and Neil kiss. She says she needs a therapist, and he says he thinks she just had one. She says, it was really great, but a mistake, since he has a hearing in less than an hour about what they just did. He asks if they can forget about the hearing for the next five minutes. She asks what he wants to talk about, and he says, the opera, and the fact they ended up in the same box. And it wasn’t just any opera. It was Aida, a story of forbidden love. She asks if they’re not all like that, and he says, only 80%. Then there was the walk home; a romantic stroll through Manhattan. The bar, the ride in the elevator, and them struggling to say goodnight. Alexis says, it can’t happen again. When he goes before the board, his license is at stake. He says he needs to tell the truth that they’re more than friends.

Jordan says, Port Charles was Taggert’s home, and he did everything he could to keep it safe. She’s not sure if everyone knew, but he was planning to move back full-time, so he could be closer to his daughter. Now he’s a part of her – and them – always. Everyone raises their bottles again. Sonny tells Trina that he’s sorry, and she thanks him. He says he and Carly have her in they’re prayers. He tells Portia that Trina is great, and if they need anything, let him know. Portia thanks him, and says, it’s kind of him to come. She knows Taggert would appreciate it very much. Sonny says, he was a good man, and Portia says, yes; he was. Sonny asks how Cameron is, and Cameron says, he can’t complain. Well, he guesses he could… Sonny asks how his left hook is, and if he’s ready to come back to the gym. Cameron thinks so, and Sonny asks how Elizabeth is. She says, glad the kids are safe and sound. Sonny tells her, make sure to keep them safe. Josslyn wants to ask Sonny something, and they step away. She asks if it’s okay if she stays a little longer. She thinks Trina might need her. He says he’ll tell Michael and Wiley that she said hi. He leaves, and Josslyn says she hopes it was okay with Trina that Sonny came. Trina says she’s glad he did, and she’s not just saying that. Even though they were on opposite sides, like Sonny said, they respected each other, and that’s important.

Laura says Taggert asked Curtis to help him. He wanted Curtis to protect his daughter while he did what he knew he had to do. Curtis says he shouldn’t have left Taggert alone, but Laura says, according to the kids’ statements, it’s obvious if he hadn’t been there, they’d be having funerals for Cameron and Trina. He says he knows that, but… She says, no buts. When Taggert found out Cyrus had his daughter, he knew how it would play out. He put his daughter’s life in Curtis’s hands, and Curtis got her out of there. He says he doesn’t think Trina sees it that way, and Laura says, that’s the good thing about facts. It doesn’t matter how others see it. Curtis might not be a cop, but at the moment Taggert needed him most, Curtis was his partner.

Alexis asks if Neil is insane. He says, legally or psychologically? and she says, it’s not funny. If he tells the truth, he can kiss his career goodbye. He says if he doesn’t, he undermines his colleagues, and she says there won’t be anything to undermine. He tells her, say he lies, and they put whatever they’re calling this on hold for two years. He doesn’t think they can, but she says they have no choice. Someone reported him, and if they keep this up, they’ll report him again. He says he’ll tell the truth, but she says, no. He’s a great doctor, and this is coming from a patient he fired twelve times. He’s good at this. it’s who he is, and she’s not letting anyone take that away from him, including him.

Neil tells Alexis, like it or not, he has to tell the truth. Alexis says, the truth is, while he was treating her, they had an attraction, but didn’t act on it until she stopped treatment. He says, but they did, and she says, please don’t do this. He says he has to get ready, but before he does, he wants her to know, no matter what happens or what the board’s decision is, he doesn’t regret last night. He kisses her and leaves. She says, wow.

Ava shows up at the memorial, and Trina says she’s glad Ava is there. Ava says, of course (🍷); they’re friends, aren’t they? On a day like this, they all need friends. Portia watches Ava, and Jordan watches Portia.

Sonny goes to visit Michael, but says he’s not staying long. He just stopped by to see how Michael is doing. Sasha greets Sonny, but says she has to make some calls, and excuses herself. Sonny asks how Michael is doing, and Michael says, so far, so good. He’s spending every minute he can with Wiley, who’s napping right now. Sonny says, Michael will be a good father, and Michael says he learned from best. Every minute feels like a gift, especially since Wiley was taken away from him for so long. He knows he spent a lot of time with Wiley, but knowing Wiley is his son… He has to be sure Wiley stays with him.

Julian stands outside the door, listening to Scotty and Brad. Scotty says, it’s never too early to prepare a good defense. He needs to know if there’s someone Brad can share the blame with. Julian walks in, and Scotty asks what brings him by. Brad says he and Scotty are discussing legal stuff, and Julian asks Scotty if he can have a word with Brad. Scotty tells Brad to think about it, and don’t take too long. He tells Julian, the check cleared, and Julian asks if there was ever any doubt. Scotty says, yeah, especially with his clientele these days. He’s surprised Julian is there, since Brad isn’t Lucas’s favorite person right now. Julian says, like it or not (phrase of the day), Brad is still his son-in-law, and he’s here for him. Scotty says, touching, and leaves. Julian asks Brad if he gave Scotty any names, and Brad says, not yet, but they’re running out of time. Scotty thinks someone else is involved.

Jordan follows Portia to the bathroom, and asks if she’s okay. Portia says she’s fine, and Jordan asks if she’s sure. It can’t be easy. Portia tells her, she never said anything was easy. She loved Taggert very much, but he was never going to let go of his work. Jordan says, Taggert loved her and Trina; she has to know that. Portia says, she does know that, but so what? When it came down to choosing between them and his job, she and Trina never stood a chance.

Trina tells Josslyn and Cameron to talk to her about anything; college volleyball, even soccer, which is only interesting every four years when they compete for the World Cup. Josslyn says she wants a distraction? Something right in front of her to keep her focused? Trina says she does, and Josslyn says, college visits. She’s looking at schools in Florida, but her mom isn’t happy about that. Trina sees Curtis, and asks what the hell he’s doing there.

Trina says Curtis is the reason her father is dead. Because of him, all she has left is the burial flag. Everyone says she should be grateful to him for saving her life, but he should have saved her father. Portia comes over, and asks, what’s wrong? Trina says she wants him gone. She says, Curtis? and Curtis says, Portia? Trina says, they know each other? Jordan is like, hmm…

Sonny says he heard as soon as the charges were dropped, Nelle sued Michael for full custody. Michael tells him not to worry. He saw it coming, and he was ready. He took a leave of absence from ELQ, so he could focus on his son, and providing a home that no judge will want to take Wiley away from. Sonny understands where Michael is coming from, but says he loves running ELQ. Michael says it’s nothing in comparison to his son. There’s something else. He’s been dreading Brad’s trial, and having to listen to Nelle justify taking his son away. Sonny tells him not to worry. Things have a way of working out.

Julian tells Brad that he’ll do what he can, and Brad asks what Julian wants in return. Julian says he wants Brad quiet. If Brad cares about Lucas, don’t take one more thing from him. Brad says, meaning Julian, and Julian says Lucas has lost Wiley and Brad, and he’s the last thing Lucas has. Brad says, so Julian gets away with keeping Wiley from his family, while he takes the fall.

Alexis goes to the hearing. Dr. Crouse introduces herself and thanks Alexis for coming. Alexis says she’s happy to clear things up. Neil arrives, and Dr. Crouse suggests they get started. They’re here to review a complaint against Neil. She’s read their statements, and asks if Neil has anything to add. He says, not at this time, and she says, then they’ll be hearing from the other party first.

Trina says, Curtis and her mother know each other? Portia says, they used to, and Curtis says he didn’t mean to interrupt. He’s just there to pay his respects. Laura says, it’s her fault. She thought Curtis should be there. Portia thanks her, and Laura says she knew Taggert twenty years ago. He was a wonderful man and a dedicated cop. Trina says, now he’s dead. Why is everyone being nice to this man, when he’s the one responsible? She’s done. She runs off, and Cameron and Josslyn say they’ve got this, and follow her. Mac asks if Curtis wants a drink, but he says he’s good. Mac asks what about Ava? and she says, her? Yeah. A vodka martini with three olives. Jordan watches Curtis and Portia look at each other.

Portia tells Curtis, she’s so sorry. Forgive her daughter. Curtis tells her, Trina said nothing he hasn’t been telling himself. Portia says Trina owes him her life, but he says Trina’s father saved her life. He was just backup. She asks how long it’s been since they’ve seen each other, and he says, years, adding, he’s sorry for her loss.

Outside the bathroom, Cameron says they’re taking too long; he’s coming in. He asks if everything is okay, and Josslyn says, it’s all good, more or less. Trina says the less is that her father is gone, and the man responsible is an old friend of her mom’s. How twisted is that? Cameron knows she doesn’t want to hear this, and she says, then don’t say it. He tells her, he’s glad she’s alive, and she says he didn’t see what happened. Her dad against all those guys. Curtis dragged her away, and she can’t be grateful. Josslyn says, she got to say goodbye. If she can’t be grateful that she was saved, be grateful for the extra time she had with her dad. She doesn’t have to pretend. Cameron guesses he’s pretending too, but he’s not doing half as good a job. The whole morning was terrible. He’s glad he’s there, but knows it’s terrible for them too. Josslyn says, it is, and hugs Trina. Cameron comes in from the other side for a three-way hug.

Elizabeth tells Portia, they were so close to losing their kids, and Portia commends Trina’s support system. Ava says, Trina has a lot of people she can count on, including her. Portia says, what a wonderful role model. Ava says, it’s her husband’s memorial, and Portia can say what she wants. Curtis asks if Jordan is okay, and she says, it’s another reminder of life cut short. She asks how come he never mentioned he knew Trina’s mother, and he says he hadn’t realized who Trina’s mother was until just now.

Laura approaches Ava, and says she wondered if Nikolas would be joining her. Elizabeth says she was just asking about him. Ava says, Nikolas. Poor man, moping around that big house, looking like he lost his best friend. She’s hoping Elizabeth and Franco can join them for dinner sometime.

Brad tells Julian, the best thing to do for Lucas, is tell him his father lied every step of the way. Julian says he wouldn’t say every step. He’s kept Brad’s secret for the last few months, but he’s not the one who stole Wiley; that was Brad and Nelle. And he wouldn’t be part of this mess if Brad hadn’t begged him to keep the secret. He tells Brad, stick to the script, and he’ll take care of the rest.

Michael asks how Lucy is, and Sasha says, the same as always. She asks what his dad wanted, and he says Sonny was just checking on him, and wanting to solve all of his problems. Sasha says, everyone thinks they know what’s best for him and Wiley, and he says, it’s the story of his life. She says, he knows better than anyone what’s best for Wiley, and asks if he has any thoughts about Diane’s advice. He says, in olden times, the primary purpose of marriage was a business transaction – property, armies, money – it wasn’t about love. Sasha says she’s practically swooning, and he says, to a degree, it’s still like that. Maybe what Diane is expecting is for him to get down on one knee. As a lawyer she thinks marriage will help his custody case. Sasha wonders if he’s asking her.

Brad wonders where to begin, when Sonny walks in.

Dr. Crouse says, a complaint was filed that Neil and Alexis have a personal relationship, and asks if there’s any factual basis. Alexis says, the facts are as follows. They found themselves in the same venue – Bingo. She won, and doesn’t typically win that kind of thing, so she was super excited and kissed him impulsively. Nothing romantic; it was strictly out of joy. Dr. Crouse says, from winning at Bingo? and Alexis asks if she’s ever won. Dr. Crouse says she has, and there’s nothing like it. Does they have anything else to add regarding the relationship? Neil says, no, and Alexis says, actually, yes. She asks the board to take into account, Neil’s acumen as a therapist. Her daughter Kristina ended up in a cult, Dawn of Day. Dr. Crouse says she’s familiar with it, and she’s sorry to hear Alexis’s daughter got embroiled in it. Alexis says, Kristina’s father hired Neil to extricate her, and he was very successful. He led Kristian back to her family, and she has a healthy relationship with herself again. If not for Neil, Alexis would have no relationship with her daughter today. Dr. Bern is a very good therapist. He helps people; sometimes in sessions, and sometimes as a friend. After their sessions ended… Dr. Crouse says, they became friends? Alexis says, it’s a small town, and they run into each other, and frequent some of the same places. It would be ridiculous if when one of them walked in, the other walked out. They’ve chatted, and she wouldn’t say they’re friends, but friendly. Dr. Crouse says the board recognizes that Neil is a gifted therapist, which is why it’s even more imperative that he do what’s right. She asks Alexis to tell them in her own words, of what nature is her relationship with Neil?

Ava tells Elizabeth, let’s have dinner soon, and moves on. Laura tells Elizabeth that she guesses it wasn’t the place to say she wouldn’t be taking Ava up one it, and Elizabeth says she’d be fine blowing it off, but it will be hard to talk Franco out of it. Ava and Nikolas are up to something. Laura says, of course (🍷) they are. Trina comes back, and Portia asks if she’s okay now. Trina says she’s feeling better, and Portia suggests they go home. Ava tells Trina, it’s okay for her not to rush back to work, and Portia says, how kind of her, allowing Trina to mourn her dead father. Ava says she knows what a terrific multi-tasker their girl is. She’s sure Trina had it in her head to come in tomorrow. Trina says she was going to come by today, but Ava says she’ll do no such thing. Take her time. Her internship is waiting. Trina says they’ll talk later.

Elizabeth asks if she can give Josslyn a ride, but Josslyn says, Sonny has a car waiting. Cameron says, and bodyguards, and Elizabeth says, you can never be too safe. They look at Taggert’s picture, and Josslyn tells Cameron, she knows she’s said this a hundred times, but she’s glad he’s okay. They hug. Elizabeth tells Josslyn, be careful and stay safe. Jordan looks at her phone, and Curtis asks if it’s a text from TJ. She says, yeah, and the text reads that he needs time away to think things over. Don’t worry. Curtis says, TJ is licking his wounds. He’ll work it out. She says she’s not worried, but texts back for TJ  to call and leave a message. She wants to hear his voice. She tells Curtis, she’s just verifying.

Dr. Crouse says, before they answer, she wants to emphasize that the patient review board is relying on their honest, concise, and forthright answers. She’s asking for what she hopes will be the last time, what is the nature of their relationship? Alexis says her relationship with Neil is strictly professional. Outside of the incident she told them about, their relationship has been cordial. She was his patient, and he was her therapist.

Michael tells Sasha, he’s willing to protect his son by any means necessary, but a marriage of convenience isn’t fair to anyone, especially her. Sasha appreciates him saying that, but if he was considering it, she would understand. He says he has no desire to create an instafamily for appearances sake, and she says she’s glad they’re on the same page. He says, but if the day ever came that he decided to get married, he would want it to be for the right reasons. Wouldn’t she? I wonder if I’m watching The Bachelor for a moment, and Sasha says absolutely. They can’t let anyone else dictate how they live. How they live is up to them, not Diane, and certainly not Nelle. They hug.

Brad asks what Sonny is going to do to him. Sonny says, that depends on what Brad says in the courtroom.

Tomorrow, Laura says they’ll use Cyrus’s own tactics against him, Brook visits Mike, and Sonny tells Brad to plead guilty.

The Haves and The Have Nots

After all he’s done to his mother and father, Wyatt thinks he wants to. Kathryn says she’s heard all of this before. She thinks he’s in jail and safe, and tells him to leave her alone. He asks if she knows how easy it is for him to kill himself there. He shows her a shank made from a toothbrush, and says, you can easily get a shank like this; it has a razor inside, and you can slit your wrists. She tells him, don’t do anything stupid, and he says, it’s just a way out. Doesn’t she think they’ll be happy if he does this? She says she’s not playing around, and he says neither is he. She calls for the guard, but he says he timed it so they’d be on shift change. Tell dad he’s sorry. He cuts his wrist, and she yells again for the guard.

Wyatt says, it shouldn’t be too long, and Kathryn tells him to put pressure on it. He says, it’s all too much, and she says she loves him. He says he knows, but he just can’t do this anymore. She continues to call for the guard, and Wyatt says, tell dad he loves him. Kathryn says he’ll be able to tell his dad himself; don’t do this. He tells her, don’t panic. They’ll all be much happier. She says they both love him, and he says he thought she said she didn’t. She says she gets upset sometimes. She cries, saying she gets angry and says things. He says, the truth always comes out. When he was seven, she always blamed the banana fosters. He loved those. She begs him to put pressure on it, and calls for the guard, but he says, doesn’t she want their last conversation to be one of peace? He loved those banana fosters; they were so good. He’d come home from boarding school, and be so excited to see her and dad, and asked her make him a banana foster. After a week, she’d start yelling at him; they’d get sick of him. Does she remember that? They were screaming because of something dad made her do. That’s the day the priest did to him what he did, and all he wanted was a banana foster to make him feel better. He just wanted her to hug him, but she looked at him, and made him feel so sad. He starts to slump, and falls. She screams his name, and sinks to the ground, sobbing. She calls for the guard again. I guess it must be a long shift change.

Jim’s thug comes into his hospital room, and says, Jim wanted to see him? Jim says it’s his lucky day; he’s giving another chance. The thug says, sorry, but Jim says, don’t be. This has nothing to do with the Malones. This one is easy. Veronica Harrington. He wants her. The thug asks how long Jim wants her held, and Jim says he wants her killed. He wants her dead, and he wants it to look like an accident. How does he think he’ll do it? The thug says he’s not sure, and Jim says, understand. It needs to look like an accident. The thug says, a car accident? but Jim says, something big; catastrophic. She hangs around with thugs. Come up with something plausible. The thug leaves, and Jim’s phone rings.

It’s AG Kyle, who says he heard Jim had an issue. Jim says he’s as well as can expected, and Kyle says Jim’s colleague said Jim wanted to talk to him. What’s going on? Jim asks if it’s a secure line, and Kyle says it is. Is Jim’s? Jim says, yes, and tells Kyle that he wants to talk about the situation. Kyle says he’s all over that, and Jim asks when he’s reaching out. Kyle says, tomorrow, but he can’t do anything about the other part. It’s a murder charge. Before, it was just conspiracy. Jim asks if Kyle is sure there’s nothing he can do, and Kyle says, it’s highly unlikely, but Jim says, at least try. Kyle says the little favor Jim did about Candace doesn’t pay this kind of debt. Jim says he can be helpful to Kyle if given the chance, and Kyle says, okay; he’ll consider it. Jim thanks him, and Kyle tells him, try to stay out of trouble. Jim says, not a chance in hell, and Kyle says he’s learning that about Jim. They’ll talk soon. Jim hangs up, and wonders, what the hell is going on?

Kyle tells Scott that Jim was calling in a favor, and Scott asks what Jim wants Kyle to do. Kyle says Jim wants him to help his wife, and Scott says, it’s a murder charge. Kyle says, Jim is something else. He thinks the little info he gave Kyle on Candace is enough. Scott tells him, be careful with Jim. These are the kind of people he has to watch, and not take for granted. There’s something going on with Candace. The press has turned the tide; they’re murdering him, and consoling her. Someone is behind this. Kyle has a gut feeling Scott knows who it is, but Scott insists he doesn’t. He tells Kyle, be careful with that Cryer guy, and Kyle says, just do his job.

Benny finds Mitch waiting for him as he drives up in his new truck. Mitch asks what the hell he’s doing with that thing, and Benny says it’s his. Mitch asks, how? and Benny says Candace set him up, so he bought two. Let’s get back in. Mitch asks where Candace is, and Benny says, she had to make a stop, but said she’d be back before she left. He wants to get the towing back up, and get at it with Mitch. Mitch asks how he got the money, and Benny says, don’t worry. Candace gave him a lot. Mitch says, it was nice of her, and Benny says Hanna is going to be mad as hell, but it’ll be all right. Mitch hopes the both of them will be all right, and Benny says, Hanna will be mad, but he’s not worried about Jim. If Jim comes after him, he’ll be ready with his badass truck. A horn beeps, and Candace pulls up, also in a new truck. Mitch says they all got big boy trucks, and Benny says they’re doing big boy things. Mitch asks if he can borrow Candace’s truck, and she says she bought it for him. She tosses Mitch the keys, and says she’s tired of seeing him drive around in that… He says his car is vintage, and she says, it’s a piece of junk. Mitch thanks her, and Benny wonders why Candace got the truck for Mitch; he didn’t do nothin’. Candace says, he saved Benny’s life; be happy for him. Benny says, all right. Candace says she has to pack for the airport, and they go inside.

Mitch says his new truck is bad as hell, and he and Benny fist bump. Benny says, they’re back in action. He realizes Hanna is there, and she says, so this is how it is. She asks what Candace got, and Candace says, nothing. Hanna says, no red bottoms? Her brother was kidnapped, and her baby was killed. Benny says, mom, but she tells him, shut up; she’s talking. She asks what they’re going to do when Jim comes for him, but Benny says, he won’t. She asks how he knows, and Benny says, he just knows. She says he’s crazy, and asks Candace, did you do something gansta, princess? Candace says, no, and Hanna says he’s coming, but Mitch says, he won’t. Hanna asks if he was in this conversation, and how does he know? Mitch says he talked to Jim. His family can be persuasive. Benny says, Mitch talked to Jim? Mitch says he did, and Benny asks what he said. Mitch says he told Jim that he can’t mess with them anymore. Hanna says her family is now gangster talking kids, and Benny says he knows she’s upset, but she’ll get over it. Candace gave him a million dollars.

Hanna says, a million dollars? and Benny says he’s keeping every dime. She says, then get out. He says he knew she’d say that, and if she likes, he’ll be glad to leave. Hanna says, so this is how it is, and Benny says, sorry. She tells him, get his sh*t, and get out. He says he thinks he’ll get a house; something small, around $200K. When Hanna calms down, she can come live with him. She wants no part of his gangster lifestyle, and he says when she’s tired of freeloading, let him know. She says she’s tired of her children not knowing how to do the right thing. They’re grown. She tells Benny, it won’t last, and he says he’s going to enjoy it while it does. She says she expected it from Candace. She was holding out hope, but wondering how long before Candace went back to her old ways. Candace says she couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Sorry. Hanna tells her, get her stuff and leave. When she comes back, she wants them both gone. And if they come back, the police will be there. She’ll have them arrested for stealing money. Candace says they didn’t steal it, and Hanna says they’ll let the police decide. She’s always said, she’d rather see Candace alive and in jail, than dead in the street. She can’t believe them. She leaves, and Mitch says, she is pissed. Benny says, she’ll be all right, and Mitch wants to take a spin in his new truck. He goes to do that, and Candace sits on the couch, with her head in her hands. Benny says he knows she’s not feeling bad. He suggests they get her stuff, and get hell out.

David goes back to his house. Jeffrey is lying on the couch, and asks if he’s sneaking in. David says, no, and Jeffrey says, it looks that way. He’s tiptoeing around like the Grinch. David asks if Jeffrey was sleeping, and Jeffrey says, this early? David says he knows Jeffrey likes to nap, but Jeffrey says he wasn’t asleep. Does David want to talk about it? David says, what? and Jeffrey says, what he saw. David says Jeffrey is a grown man, and Jeffrey asks if he minds that it was in the house? David says, no, and Jeffrey asks if he minds that it was Madison. David repeats, Jeffrey is grown. He does have a problem with what he saw, but it’ll be fine. Jeffrey asks why David is avoiding him, and David says he didn’t expect to see all that. Jeffrey asks if it weirded him out? and David says, to be honest, yes. Sorry. Jeffrey says, don’t be sorry, but David says, it’s who Jeffrey is. He’s just never seen it before. Jeffrey says, not even in college? and David says, no. Jeffrey says, damn, and David says he grew up in a different time. Jeffrey asks what gay people did back then, and David supposes they hid their sexuality; a lot of them were in the closet. Jeffrey guesses they had to be afraid, and says, it’s sad. David says he doesn’t want that for Jeffrey. He wants Jeffrey to be free. He says if Jeffrey had been with a girl, he wouldn’t feel this way. Jeffrey asks, what way? and David says he doesn’t know how he’s feeling. He needs time to deal. He tells Jeffrey that he loves him, and Jeffrey says he loves David too. David says, no matter who Jeffrey is sleeping with, just make sure they’re a consenting adult. He says he bought Jeffrey something, and Jeffrey says he saw it, but he doesn’t need a fifty pack of condoms. David says, they were on sale, and Jeffrey thanks him. I loved this scene. There was just the right amount of uncomfortable, and lots of love.

David asks if Jeffrey really likes Madison, and Jeffrey says, he’s still getting to know him. He knows what it’s like. David can’t tell him that he never had sex with someone he was still trying to get to know. David says he does, and he likes Madison better than Justin (said everybody). He’s happy for Jeffrey. Jeffrey says he and Madison are supposed to go out to dinner, and asks if it’s okay if Madison comes over afterward. David says, sure, but please, lock his door. Jeffrey and I laugh, and Jeffrey says, make sure to knock next time. David says he loves Jeffrey, and he’s a little embarrassed, but he’ll get over it. He tells Jeffrey, enjoy his dinner. Jeffrey says security phone him, and David says not to panic. It’s necessary. Jeffrey asks if David thinks Veronica will try it again, and David says he knows she will. Jeffrey says, damn, and David asks if Jeffrey loves his mother. Jeffrey says, she makes it harder every day. Why is he asking? David says he just wants to be sure. Jeffrey asks what he’s thinking, and David says he’s not thinking anything; he’s just asking. Jeffrey says David doesn’t ask if there’s not a reason. Is he going to do something to her? David tells him, have a nice time, and tell Madison he said hello. Jeffrey says, should something happen to his mother, he understands. He asks if a guard is going to follow him, and David says the guard will keep his distance. He’ll keep an eye out, and look out for his mother’s henchmen. Relax and enjoy himself. They’ll talk more later.

Scott says, Kyle wanted to see him? Kyle says they may have an issue. Senator Connelly Westlake. Charles wants to make him the AG. Scott says they were expecting it, but Kyle says they weren’t expecting him to get up in his bonnet over Candace. He was really upset. Scott says, Connelly has no reason to be upset about a whore, and Kyle says, well, he is. Kyle wonders if Charles is in love with Candace; impossible. Scott says, he’d be a fool, as would anyone who falls for a piece of ass. Kyle says the reason he called is, they need to make sure everything was done by the book, especially the last eight years. He doesn’t want Connelly opening an investigation about them. Scott says he’s on it, and Kyle says, it should already be done. Scott says he’ll make sure it’s done correctly. Kyle says he thinks Scott might need to get rid of any evidence. He thinks she recognized him when she robbed him. Clean it up, and make it look like accident. Make it look a suicide. Charles will be heartbroken. Make sure it’s on Federal property, so they can make a Federal case out of it. Scott says, say goodbye to the President’s mistress.

Laura tidies up, and Veronica says she likes it a lot; Laura is good. She tells Laura that she needs to pick up the dry cleaning and to take her car. Laura protests, but Veronica says Laura isn’t taking her five grand suits on the bus. She says Laura is a sweet girl, and Laura tells Veronica, her mom… Veronica interrupts, and tells her she has a job to do, and Veronica just expects her to do it. Laura says, sorry, and Veronica says, don’t be sorry; be better. There’s a knock at the door, and Laura answers it. She tells Veronica, he said his name is Rondell (yay! a name!), and Veronica says, let him in. Rondell walks in, and Veronica asks, what’s going on? He says he just came to holler at her. They’re out for her. She asks, who? and he says he doesn’t know; a foreign dude. She says, it’s probably David, and he says she needs to watch her back for real. She says her back is fine, and he asks if she’s sure she doesn’t need muscle around, but she says he’s not muscly enough. She sort of flirts with him, and takes his hand, asking if they’re good, now that she paid for his brother’s funeral and his kids’ tuition. He says they are, but she needs to lay low until this blows over. The dude who’s looking for her ain’t a good dude. She says she can handle it, and he says she ain’t scared of nothing, is she? She says, not really. Except the whore he’s sleeping with. He says he’s been checked, but she says he’s not touching her until she sees the blood test. He says he’s glad they’re cool now, and to let him know if she wants anything. He leaves, and she says, damn. Weed and malt liquor. Veronica has to do better than this. She calls for Laura, saying, Lucy bring the air freshener please.

Madison and Jeffrey go out to dinner, and Madison thanks Jeffrey for asking him out. Jeffrey says he didn’t really ask Madison out, and Madison guesses he’s right; he demanded it. Jeffrey says he hopes Madison brought his wallet, and Madison says he hopes Jeffrey brought his appetite. Jeffrey says he did, and Madison says, how about his sexual one? Jeffrey says, that was lame, and Madison says, don’t act like he didn’t want to finish. Jeffrey asks if they’re really talking about that right now, and Madison says they can talk later. He tells Jeffrey, for someone who’s trying so hard to resist, he seems to be getting excited. Jeffrey asks how Madison knows that, and Madison says, when Jeffrey is excited, he acts like he’s not interested. He needs to lighten up. Jeffrey asks, what’s on the menu? and Madison says, him. Jeffrey asks what’s wrong with him? and Madison asks if Jeffrey can blame him. Since day one, when he saw Jeffrey, he wondered, who is that? Jeffrey says he did too, and Madison says, then don’t act like he didn’t want the same thing. Jeffrey says he did, and asks if they can order now. Madison asks if Jeffrey is in a hurry, and Jeffrey says, the sooner the meal is over, the sooner they can leave. Madison calls, waiter! and they order.

Laura goes home to her apartment, and her boyfriend? husband? asks where she’s been. She says she got the job. He says, with Veronica? and she says, yes. He says, it’s the score they’ve been looking for. He asks how Veronica is, and Laura says, she’s a bitch. He wouldn’t believe it. She needs him to case the place, and he says he could do his pool boy thing. She doesn’t like it, but he says, it’s the best way in. She agrees, telling him to do what he’s got to. He says he loves her, and she says she loves him too. He says they’re about to be so rich. She says, they are, and she’s so horny. She tells him, take his clothes off, and he asks if she’s got dollars. She says, it’s on credit. Tonight’s a good night, and she’s going to cash in. He takes his shirt off, and she grabs his belt, pulling him closer. He kisses her, and carries her to the bedroom. Since she never once called him by name, I picked up one character’s name, only for a nameless one to negate it.

Candace tells Benny, Hanna is pissed. Benny says he knows, and she says they were just getting on good terms. Benny says, it’s crazy for her to think they weren’t taking the money. Candace says she almost didn’t, and Benny says she would have regretted it for the rest of her life. She says she’s not looking back, and Benny picks up his laptop. He says he’s looking up Derrick, and Candace says, for what? He says Derrick pissed mom off, but Candace says, let it go; she’s serious. He shows her a mug shot, and says, dude is in jail. He reads something, and asks if the man who raped Hanna didn’t have a lion tattoo on his chest. He and Candace look at each other, and I think he knows Candace knows who Derrick is.

The Haves and The Have Nots returns in the fall.

Vanderpump Rules

Fingers crossed that James does something stupid. Oh, wait. If he’s in this episode, he’ll be doing something stupid. No finger crossing necessary.

Kentucky Castle, Versailles, Kentucky. Brittany thanks everyone for coming. Jax says, they’ve come a long way, and he and Brittany appreciate it. A guy walks through the guests to the front, and says he’s a Junior Detective with the New York Police Department, and wherever he goes, murder seems to follow. In her interview, Brittany says, it’s a murder mystery party. The guy says he’s recruiting them be amateur detectives. In Stassi’s interview, she says everyone who knows her, knows she loves murder and solving mysteries. This is the role she was born to play. We see what looks like an old black and white film, with the title of The Case of the Kentucky Castle Killer. The guests try to solve the mystery, and in her interview, Stassi says, it’s legit the most romantic thing she’s ever seen.

One hour later. The pseudo detective asks, who had the most motive? and Lala guesses correctly. He says, Lindsay killed her brother, and the person playing her says she had no choice; he was running the business into the ground. In Lala’s interview, she says Lindsay’s dad wasn’t leaving the company to her because she’s a woman, so she killed her brother. Lala tells Stassi, you can’t overthink the game; she never asked one question. Brittany’s niece Presley, comes over to where Stassi and Lala are sitting, and switches her wristlet for Stassi’s designer purse.

Lala tells Katie that she’s confused about Carter. He and Kristen aren’t together, but he’s coming to the wedding. Katie says, he was only invited as a guest, not on his own. Lala asks Kristen if Carter is her date, and Kristen says he deserves to be at the wedding. He’s her best friend. We flash back to their train wreck of a relationship, and Stassi asks if Kristen can’t be real for one second. She’s tried to have conversations with Kristen, but she won’t be honest. Lala says they care about her well-being. Kristen tells Katie that she’s a bitch, and she knows it’s hard for Stassi. Because Kristen is conflicted, Stassi doesn’t know where she stands, and she’s being obnoxious. Brittany swoops down on them, and says, no more fighting. In Kristen’s interview, she says she feels like she’s on a friendship peninsula that’s turning into an island. Her two best friends want nothing to do with her. She can’t imagine doing that to anyone.

At SUR, Dayna and Adriana (not Madix) commiserate about the restaurant being busy. Adriana asks what’s the deal with Dayna and Max, and Dayna says they’re exclusive and dating. Adriana says, this is awkward, but she saw Max with another girl. He didn’t see her, but he was with a girl, and they seemed friendly. It was right after Pride, and she told Danica about it. They stalked the girl on Instagram, and she thinks she found her. She shows Dayna a picture, and Dayna says, that’s TomTom’s Pride shirt. In her interview, Dayna says the shirts were made for Pride at TomTom’s, and Max was the only person who had them. He didn’t even give her one. Adriana says Dayna knows what happened with her and Max, right? It’s the same pattern. Dayna says she literally (she loves that word like Christian Siriano loves awesome) feels sick. In her interview, she says, everybody was right about Max. He’s a f***boy. Adriana says, Max is not a good guy, and Dayna says, wow.

Stassi’s mother is there for the wedding, and in Stassi’s interview, she says, Brittany is so into family, she let them invite anyone they were related to. Brittany says they’re getting mani/pedis tomorrow, and she’s so excited. Lala tells Brittany that she’s marrying the love of her life, and they’ve gone through some sh*t. In Brittany’s interview, she says she and Jax planned everything together, and it’s weird he’s not there tonight. She’s hoping he’s okay. In Jax’s interview, he says he stayed in. He needed time to himself, and to spend with his father. He knows his father is out there, and when he thinks about him too much, he goes into a hole. He wants to make his father proud. Getting hammered isn’t it, which is why he’s not going. He’s doing what he thinks is right. Lala asks Brittany about Lisa, and Brittany says she texted Lisa before they left L.A. She told Lisa not to stress about the wedding.

Beau wonders who will cry. Tom says, if Brittany cries, he’s going to cry, and they hug. Kristen asks Beau if he’s having fun. He says he is, and she says they were friends even before he met Stassi. He says he’s still her boy, but it’s different now. He and Stassi are in a relationship, and Stassi is his number one. At this point, Kristen leaves the real world, and says she’s tired of everyone coming down on her about Carter. She and Stassi were arguing earlier, and she wants to know why she’s being dragged for something that’s hard for her. No one is asking if she’s cool. She calls him self-involved, says, screw you, and goes off on him for favoring his girlfriend over her. In Beau’s interview, he says Kristen is giving him anxiety just listening. She talks to you and over you, and doesn’t get it. Beau suggests they get unselfish, and focus on Brittany and Jax. They clink plastic cups.

Brittany tells Jax, one more day. She wishes he would get a pedicure, but he says he wouldn’t do that to someone. Wedding planner Mitchell knocks on the door, and brings in what looks like a small woodgrain upscale cooler. In Jax’s interview, he says his dad has been in a box for two years. He talked to Mitchell about what to keep him in. He likes to take him out, and put him in the front seat for a drive, or take him out in the backyard. Jax gets all emotional, and thanks Mitchell.

Everyone nurses their hangovers, and gets ready to go to the pool. Lala stops by Scheana and Kristen’s room She asks if Kristen is grumpy, and Scheana says Lala was kind of yelling at Kristen. Lala thinks they have a different point of view about yelling. Kristen says she’s tired of it. You don’t treat the people you love like that.

Katie tells Schwartz that Kristen makes her feel psycho, and he says he lived with Kristen. She’s the only person he’s ever wanted to murder. Beau tells Stassi about how Kristen got upset when he told her that Stassi was number one in his life. Stassi says, Kristen needs to understand that she’s not number one in someone else’s boyfriend’s life. In Stassi’s interview, she says, when Kristen slept with Jax, she had to get over it. She doesn’t like when Kristen texts Beau to discuss a falling out with her. She thought nothing could shake their unbreakable bond, but no, sh*t can. She tells Beau, Kristen is a psychopath, and Beau suggests they stay on opposite sides of the pool. Stassi says, once the wedding is over, she’s saying goodbye to Kristen.

Schwartz and Jax stop by to get Beau on their way to the pool. The guys ask what Jax did last night, and he says he watched Friends. He can’t do three nights in a row of drinking. Schwartz says he was never legally married, since there was no license. Stassi is shook. In Schwartz’s interview, he says it was his duty was to make sure the license was in a secure place, and he lost it. It was a piece of paper, and he didn’t understand it was important. He let it slip to the one guy he shouldn’t have let it slip to (Jax?), and now that the cat is out of the bag, he needs to tell everyone first. Stassi asks how he and Katie do their taxes, and he says, married, separately. She says, but they’re not married. In his interview, Jax says he never thought he’d be the first guy out of the group to be married.

At the pool, Stassi says she’s upset with Katie. She thought they had no secrets, and Katie isn’t married. In Katie’s interview, she says she planned the entire wedding. This is on Schwartz. We see a clip of them with Lisa at their wedding, and Lisa asking about the license. Tom says he doesn’t know where it is. Stassi shouts that Schwartz and Katie are single.

Scheana tells Lala about James blowing up her and Raquel’s phones, after Raquel went out drinking with her and some other friends. She had twenty-two missed calls. Ariana says, James was texting Raquel messed up stuff, and she warned Raquel that she was going to start believing what James was saying if it continues. Scheana says Raquel and James talked, and James said he’d go to an AA meeting. Lala asks if she’s sure he said he’d go to a meeting, and Scheana tells her, he’s never said that before. Lala says, it’s the first step. In Lala’s interview, she says she’s seen James at his best, and she’s happy for him. She tells Scheana, she’d be more than happy to talk to him about her experience, and Scheana thinks that would mean something. Lala says she’ll reach out. Right now, she has to pick Rand up.

Tom asks Brittany if they’re going to Lexington tonight, and she says they’re going to a cool speakeasy for a meet and greet, then the girls and guys are separating. Stassi sees Kristen talking to her mom, and says Kristen is tainting her brain. In her interview, Stassi says Kristen latches on to her friends and family, and talks to them and texts them. She sees Stassi’s mother more than she does. She tells Katie about how Kristen got mad that Beau wouldn’t put her first, and Katie thinks it’s weird. So do I. He’s not her brother for God’s sake.

Max comes by Dayna’s apartment, and she asks if he has anything he thinks he needs to tell her. He says, no, and she says, he’s not dating this girl? She shows him the picture, and he says, no, but he sure looks guilty. He said he’d been seeing her in San Diego, and then she moved there. Dayna asks if she moved there for him, and he says he was easing her off of him (oh please). Dayna asks why she has a Pride shirt, and he says he gave one to everyone. She asks when was the last time he saw her. He says after Pride, and Dayna asks if they went out alone. He says they did, and Dayna asks if he screwed her. He says, no, and in his interview, he says he’s tired of defending himself. They went to lunch, and it was like lunch with his mom. He threw a shirt at her before they parted company. It’s not like she was naked in his bed and had no shirt to wear. He tells Dayna, he feels awful about how she feels, but he’s wondering if this is a good idea. Dayna says, screw it. She’s not into this bullsh*t; this is done. Max says, that’s it? In Dayna’s interview, she says she’s hurt right now. This is not how she saw things going with him. She has sensitivity to someone wasting her time or not valuing her. She puts his necklace in the litter box, and swirls it around. She tells the cat, when she sees him at TomTom, hitting on every girl and their mother, she’ll know he’s wearing a poo necklace, and she’ll feel better about that.

At the speakeasy, Stassi and Katie try to avoid Kristen. Ran arrives, and there are hugs all around. Everyone goes into shock when they see he brought Lisa. Brittany starts crying, and hugs her. Lisa hugs Jax, and says, it was last minute. She thought she’d be in London, but the funeral was delayed until next week. In her interview, she says the funeral was happening later than she thought it would, and she realized she could make the wedding. She called Rand, and said they needed to get there asap. Puffy! She’s there to support Brittany and Jax, and show how happy she is for them. She can stand in the gap, since Jax’s mother isn’t there. In the light of losing her own mother, she understands the importance. Jax says, it means so much to him.

Jax sit with Lisa, and outside the window, Lexington’s Gay Pride is going on. Jax says he’s got to laugh. Lisa asks if his mother had any reaction to the wedding weekend, but he says he doesn’t know. His godmother Jane is giving him away. He chokes up, and says they’re the family he has, since he only has his sister Jenny. He appreciates Lisa being there. In his interview, he says she’s been like a mother to him since they met. He looks up to her, and since he has no parents there, having an alternate parent is wonderful.

Brittany keeps up her mantra of I’m getting married. Stassi can’t believe Lisa is there, and says Lisa won’t believe what she found out. Lisa asks if it’s something important, and Stassi says she thinks Lisa might laugh. Tom and Katie aren’t legally married. Lisa asks what she’s talking about. In Lisa’s interview, she says, you’ve got to be effing kidding. All the effort she put into writing the vows – we flash back to the ceremony – and they’re not even married. She put more into it than they did. Everyone looks out the window to see Beau line dancing. Stassi says she loves it so much. In her interview, she says it warms her heart that he’s extra. It makes life lively, and he brings the energy up wherever he goes. She’s not like that.

James goes to TomTom, and orders a Coke. He tells Max it’s weird that no one is there except them. Max says, someone has to run TomTom. They marvel at Jax getting married, and Max says he’s clearly not happy about what happened with Dayna. James asks if they were going official, and Max says they weren’t official, but he liked hanging out with her. Someone brought out an old girlfriend, and created a story when they saw them at lunch. Now they’re kind of ending it, and it’s a mess. In his interview, Max says it would have been fine if everyone had stayed out of their business. Max tells James, Danica has been saying negative stuff. In his interview, he says, Danica has been effing stuff up since day one. He doesn’t understand why she wants to sabotage him. He tells James, he wants to 86 Danica. James says Raquel gave him an ultimatum. She wants him to quit drinking; he thought she was about to whip him. Max can’t see Raquel mad, and James says he agreed with what she said. In James’s interview, he says he and Raquel talked about his drinking. He hasn’t gone to a meeting yet, and doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to drive across town, and talk to a bunch of people, eating donuts in a cold room, and listening to their stories. But if Raquel wants him to go, he’ll go. She means everything to him. Yeah. I can tell by the way he treats her.

20 hours until the ceremony. Jax asks if everything is okay, and Brittany says they’re getting married tomorrow. He asks if she wants to call it off, and she says, never. Tom says, it’s surreal that their boy is getting married. It’s a moment he never thought would happen. In Tom’s interview, he says, this isn’t just any guy. It’s Jax-effing-Taylor. He’s banged at least 300 women, and that’s just at SUR. He was a f***boy before it was a phrase. Brittany tells Jax, it’s the last time they’re going to see each other before they walk down the aisle. Schwartz says, Jax used to do full-on speeches about not getting married, and called him a chump. In Schwartz’s interview, he says when he flash backs to when they lived together, and fast forwards to now, it’s surreal. Brittany tells Jax, the big day is tomorrow. He says he’s going to hang out with the guys, but he’s not drinking anymore. Brittany says, let’s party, but be good.

The girls gather. In Brittany’s interview, she says she told them all to being onesies of something that would live in a castle, like a princess, unicorn, or mermaid. She loves the fantasy world, and was raised on everything princess. Kristen walks around with her onesie half falling off, and in Stassi’s interview, she says, Kristen is oblivious, and can’t keep it together. Stassi says Brittany is going to be part of a new family, and Brittany says she gets a new sister tomorrow. They have a twerking contest. In her interview, Stassi wonders how everyone suddenly became twerking masters. She feels she’s at a disadvantage with her flat ass. The girls screech over Brittany getting married, and she hopes Jax isn’t still drinking. She thinks it’s time to call it a night.

At the guys’ party, Beau shows up dressed as a knight. In his interview, he says, they are in a castle. He’s Sir Ladles-a-lot. He slays soups, and drinks shots. When Jax comes in, they all chant his name. Tom says he has everything. He even brought tampons – top of the line tampons. In Jax’s interview, he says, Jax doesn’t want to go away quietly. This is his last dance. He drinks out of the bottle, and says he probably should stop drinking. He tells the others, he’s not going to lie; he’s pretty sh*tfaced. He never thought in a million years he’d get married, but Brittany is the best woman for him. We flash back to the beginning of their relationship, and in his interview, he says she’s his best friend; his partner in crime. He 100% believes the person he was before, wasn’t good enough for her. We flash back to all the problems they had, and he says, when he cheated, it was typical Jax, sabotaging his relationships. He didn’t make the best decisions. Brittany could have left at any time, but she didn’t. He put her through hell and back, and she deserves the world. Tom says he’s about to be married for the rest of his life, and Jax says he’s super happy. In his interview, Jax says he’ll have to work on the relationship for the rest of his life. It’s not as easy for him as it is with other people. His life is in a good place. He thinks he’s grown, and doesn’t see himself going down that road again.

Katie says Brittany is a princess in a tower, and Jax is the Beast. Brittany says, he’ll be a prince tomorrow. She says she’s excited, and it’s time for lights out. In Jax’s interview, he says he’s scared. His worst fear is Brittany not being happy anymore.

Next time, the wedding is here! Stassi tells Beau, a proposal is the one part of her life she doesn’t have control over; Kristen calls out Carter for being abusive; and Dayna asks if Max still has feelings for her.

💃🏾 I checked out Family Karma, and although I couldn’t give it my full attention, it looked like fun. I love seeing how other cultures live, and they seem like a colorful bunch. No doubt there will also be marvelous food porn throughout the season. You can check the cast out here:


🎱 It Certainly Was…

I wish I could say I’m glad this day is over, but technically, it was over hours ago, yet somehow still kept going.

March 3, 2020 – Julian Shakes Down Linc, Mitch Gives Jim the Low Down, Wedding Week Begins & the Morning


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Brook accepts an award, giving a special thanks to Julian, for making this special moment possible. She finishes her speech looking in the bathroom mirror, and then does vocal exercises using her hairbrush as a microphone. Olivia asks if Michael heard Brook rehearsing in the bathroom, and he says he just hopes she doesn’t wake up Wiley, who’s cranky. Olivia says, it’s a small price to pay for a miracle.

On the phone, Ned asks what they mean be a dead end. He’s paying for answers, not excuses. He knows it’s complicated. Life is complicated and so are the Quartermaine finances.

Linc stands on the pier. Julian walks out, and without looking at him, Linc says, it’s about damn time. He has better things to do than freeze. Julian says he really can’t think of anywhere else he’d want to be.

At the MetroCourt, Peter says Maxie is quiet. Is it work or something else? She says she turned down Spinelli’s invitation to lunch. He’s just going to ask annoying questions, and she’s not subjecting herself to another inquisition. Peter is making an effort to get along; why can’t Spinelli? If he doesn’t trust her judgement, it’s his problem, not Peter’s. Peter says he doesn’t want to come between her and Spinelli, and she can’t keep avoiding Spinelli on his account. She says this is one of the reasons she loves him, and she’ll think about rescheduling. Peter says he has to talk to her about something else. Spinelli isn’t the only one questioning his past. She’s probably wondering what came between Finn and Anna, and it’s time he told her the real reason.

Alexis tells Valentin, a penny for his thoughts, and sets one in front of him. He says he was thinking about how far he’s come since they last stood on the terrace together, and she says, since he found out he’s not Mikkos’s son. He says it’s good of her to check on him, and she says she’s glad he’s in a better place, but she doesn’t think her pep talk had anything to do with it. What changed?

In Rice Plaza, Finn asks if Violet is ready for her ice skating lesson. She says she wishes she could have one every day, and he tells her, don’t be in a hurry to grow up. She says, look! It’s Anna! and Anna comes over to them. Violet asks if she’s come to skate, and Anna says she’d love to, but doesn’t want to intrude. She was getting some tea. Violet tells Finn, make her stay, and Finn says, it’s hard to say no to his daughter. He doesn’t want to disappoint Violet. Anna says, of course (🍷) not. Violet tells him to go get the tea; she wants to talk to Anna. He asks if Violet wants a hot chocolate, and Violet says, with extra whipped cream. Anna guesses she knows who’s boss in the relationship. Violet says she’s missed Anna, and Anna says she misses Violet too, and they hug.

Maxie asks if Peter was trying to protect her, and he says, maybe himself too. Whatever the reason, she needs to know what’s being said about him. She says she knows, and doesn’t care, but he says, please. A lot of people have questions about his past, and he’s come to realize, in the end, it comes down to love. That’s what it’s really about. Jason loves Sam, so he’s searching for someone to blame for breaking Shiloh out of custody, which led Sam to kill Shiloh. Robert loves Anna, so he’s skeptical of Peter because he’s Faison’s son. Spinelli’s love for Maxie, and his faith in Jason, cause him to distrust Peter as well. Then Finn and Anna became engaged, but because Finn loves Anna, he can’t bear the thought that she’s possibly being conned by the son she gave up, even though there’s no proof otherwise. Maxie believes him, doesn’t she?

Brook comes into the living room, saying, hello, beautiful family. It’s a gorgeous day. The sun is shining, and the birds are chirping. Michael says he heard one bird in particular, and Ned says he’s not sure Brook’s outfit is appropriate for the ELQ office. She says she didn’t think he was serious. She’s not equipped to answer phones. She calls him Eddie, and says he knows what it means to pursue a dream. Michael says he’s going to take off, but Ned stops him, saying he needs a witness so Brook can’t wriggle out of this. Brook says she thought Ned was challenging her to get her career in gear, but Ned says he was challenging her to grow up, and be responsible, like every other adult in the family. What she did was the opposite of responsible. Her contract is valid, and the producer refuses to sell it. Brook says she wouldn’t worry. She has a feeling Linc is coming around.

Julian tells Linc, some people think this is a bad neighborhood, but he likes the quiet. You could fall into the water, and no one would hear your cries for help. Linc asks if he knows Julian, and Julian says, maybe. He deals with a lot of people. Linc says he’s meeting someone, and he’s not into game playing with strangers. Julian says, you know who isn’t a stranger? Brook. Linc asks, what about her? and Julian says he thought Linc would never ask. He puts his hand on Linc’s shoulder, and says Linc has her under contract. He pulls Linc closer and says, that’s about to change.

Valentin tells Alexis, he was feeling defeated and hopeless, but realized it was just a temporary setback. He’s had them before. The great thing about setbacks is, they introduce you to your greatest strengths. She asks what he’s doing with his newfound strength, and he asks what she would do. Would she deny the legacy that’s rightfully hers? She says, if he’s talking about the Cassadine fortune, get over it. If he’s referring to the Cassadine name, he’s better off without it. Where has it gotten him? He says, Shakespeare would say, what’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. She says, words to live by, and he says, maybe, but he doesn’t agree. She says, unwise, but he says he’s keeping the name, and all that goes with it. With every drop of his blood, sweat, and tears, he’s earned it.

Alexis asks if Valentin is talking revenge, and he says, redemption. He was cornered like a common criminal, and wants his daughter’s respect. She says, if Charlotte is going to respect him, he has to respect himself. He says, not a problem, but she says he’s on the outside, looking in. She was too, and it wasn’t until she turned her back on the Cassadine name, and built a life for herself, that she got a modicum of self-respect. He says she might be right; he’ll look at it. She laughs, and says she won’t hold her breath. He says she’s too cynical, another thing they have in common. It took him learning about his sister to realize how alike they are. He kisses her cheek, and leaves.

Ned asks if Brook’s producer had a change of heart, and she asks if he thinks Linc has a heart. Linc is going to do what he thinks is best, and she thinks it’s in his best interest to tear it up. He says, whatever scheme she’s up to, stop it right now. He refuses to clean up another of her disastrous mistakes. Olivia says, they all know how he feels about the subject. Leo asked if Ned would visit him in the playhouse before he goes to the park. Ned says he and Brook aren’t finished talking, but leaves to find Leo. Brook asks if Ned is always such a sourpuss in the morning, and Michael says Ned is worried about her. She says he has a funny way of showing it, and he says, sorry if he made it worse by teasing her. He hopes she succeeds. She says she wishes him only happiness with Wiley; he’s so cute. Michael says, he is, but it’s hard for him to adjust right now. She says, he doesn’t know what a bad thing Brad did, and Michael says he has to make up for lost time, and forge a relationship. It’s different for Willow and Lucas. Willow is grieving a son she didn’t know was gone, and Lucas’s whole world has fallen apart. His husband is a liar and a kidnapper, and the son he loved isn’t even his. Brook flashes back to her conversation with Julian, and Julian saying Sonny will put a bullet in his back. It’s a lot of weight to carry, and what about Lucas? He’s going to lose another loved one if she puts a target on Julian because of her overactive imagination.

Julian asks if Linc is shaking because it’s cold. He pushes Linc toward the water, and Linc says Julian misunderstood. He really cares about Brook. Three albums in five years is the industry standard. Julian says he doesn’t know much about music. The car radio is about as far as it goes for him, but somebody like Brook doesn’t want to make music for Linc, and she doesn’t want to wait five years. She wants to fly solo. Linc asks if Julian is joking. Is he actually going to throw Linc in the water if he doesn’t let Brook break the contract? Julian says, it’s up to Linc. He has friends, a lot of them, and while he knows little about the industry, they know a lot. They can make it difficult for Linc to stay in business; deny him access to studios and distributions, disrupt his concerts, stop him from getting venues. He puts his arm around Linc’s neck, and says what happens next, is entirely up to him.

Maxie wonders how Peter can ask if she believes him. He says he’s the one responsible for the awkwardness between her and Spinelli. She kisses him, and asks if it answers his question. He says, very much so, but she says she’s not letting him off that easy. Don’t say he’s trying to protect her either. She’s not a fragile flower that wilts at bad news. Either they tell each other everything, or they don’t have a relationship. He says he was trying to protect himself. She asks if he’s worried she’ll believe what other people say about him. She believes in them. Too bad. No one can come between them, but them. He tells her she can come down off her soapbox now, but she says she likes it up there. He says she does look good on it. Obrecht comes in, and tells them, like a little girl with red shoes once said, there’s no place like home.

Anna asks Violet how Bella and Otto are. Violet says, they’re not talking. Anna asks, what happened? and Finn says, they had an argument. Violet says, Otto might change his mind if Anna visits. Anna say she knows how stubborn Otto can be at times. The skating instructor arrives, and asks if Violet is ready for her lesson. She tells Finn that his daughter is a great kid. Violet leaves with her, and Finn tells her, have fun. He’ll be watching.

Finn and Anna watch Violet skate. Finn says, it’s hard to watch when Violet falls, and Anna says, look; she’s back up. She asks how he is, and he says, her first. She wonders if they should continue talking about stuffed animals. They don’t have to be separated. They fell down, and it hurts, but they can get back up.

Obrecht gives Maxie some schnapps for her and Peter on those wintry nights, and some gifts for James. Maxie says he’s going to love them, and he’s going to love seeing his oma. She must have had a good time in Switzerland. Obrecht says, the spa was wonderful, and Peter asks if a tall, dark stranger swept her off her feet. She says she got something better; peace of mind. Maxie said Obrecht told her that she was going to do some soul searching, and Peter says, she has a soul? Obrecht says her problems are self-inflicted. She’s not unlovable, but hasn’t forgiven herself. Since Nathan’s death, she’s been angry at the world, in particular, Peter, as if he’s to blame, while she’s just taking on more blame. Maxie says, it doesn’t matter, and Obrecht says she realized she was angry with herself for not breaking away from Peter’s father sooner. Maxie’s phone rings, and she says, typical. She’s been trying to run something by Nina, and now she wants to call. Peter says, Obrecht was saying about his father?

Michael tells Brook, she’s not just talented. She has the presence that turns talented people into a star, and he’s sure she’s done what she can to make that happen. Brook says she’s got to go. Ned comes in, and says, tell him he ruined Brook’s good mood my mentioning the word job. Michael says, she’s just emotional. It’s an emotional time for all of them. Ned says, it’s almost too much to process, and Michael says, it’s as good a time as any to make his pitch. He’s been doing some thinking. Wiley is used to having Michael in his life, but not as a father. Olivia says, Wiley will come around; he’ll adjust. Michael says he comes home from the office, and kisses Wiley goodnight. He needs to sit down and have a meal with Wiley, play with him, and read him stories, not just at bedtime. Ned says Michael wants quality time with his son, and Michael says Ned has been good about pitching in at ELQ. He hates to ask Ned to do more, but he needs to take a leave of absence. He was hoping Ned could take over until he gets back.

Linc says, maybe there’s another way out of this. He could think more clearly if Julian would let go. Julian says, the way he sees it, there’s a plan A and a plan B. He already laid out plan A; tear up Brook’s contract. Linc asks, what’s plan B, and Julian says Linc goes swimming in the icy cold water of Port Charles harbor. He can decide. Valentin walks onto the pier, and asks, what seems to be the problem?

Julian tells Valentin, it doesn’t concern him. He’s passing on a message from a mutual friend. Valentin says, Julian has friends? Julian asks Linc, message received? Nod once for yes. Linc nods, and Julian says, good. He doesn’t want to meet again. Julian leaves, and Linc tells Valentin, he didn’t sign up for this. Julian said he’d make his life a living hell. Valentin says Linc has been well compensated for his effort, but Linc says, not really. No one told him that he could be ruined, or it could cost him his life. Valentin says, if Brook is having Julian threaten him, that means she’s desperate.

Ned tells Michael that he doesn’t have to step away. Wiley is comfortable with the nanny, and everyone is pitching in. Olivia says, before Michael knows it, Wiley will be going off to pre-K like any other well-adjusted, independent little kid. Michael says, Wiley’s life has been torn apart. Wiley needs to know he’ll be there, and his attention can’t be divided. Ned asks how long Michael is talking about, and Michael says, a month, tops. Ned tells him, how can he say no?

Anna says Finn is used to dealing with infectious diseases, but sometimes things just need a kiss to be made better. Finn says, a bandage is a temporary fix. Sometimes a cut runs deeper. Violet calls to them, saying, look at me, and Anna says, Violet is quite graceful. He says, she’s so resilient. Everything she’s been through has barely harmed her. Anna asks if Finn told the police about his suspicions, and he says he told his brother, but he didn’t mention Peter being involved with anything, or Anna withholding evidence. Anna asks what he actually told Chase, and Finn says he told Chase that he moved out because he doesn’t trust Peter.

Peter says, it sounds like the mountain air was refreshing and illuminating, and asks Obrecht, what else? She says it really hit her; all the ethical and legal lines she crossed in a desperate attempt to be worth of Faison. Peter says Faison had power over them, and she says, not any longer. She realized if she continued down that dark path, she could hurt Maxie and James, and she couldn’t bear it. She knows how he loves them, and nothing should ever change that. She says they’re very much alike. They’re both trying to live down their past. He says she used his past to her advantage, but she says she’s not that person anymore.

Ned calls his assistant to set up a meeting asap. He wants everyone to attend, including the executive staff and financial advisors. He’ll explain the CEO change when he gets there. Olivia says he forgot to mention, it’s temporary, and he says he’ll explain at the meeting. Olivia says, Michael might not want to give up his position, but Ned says, Michael has a lot going on. He wants to make things easier so Michael can take care of his son. She says, don’t kid a kidder, and he says he only has Michael’s best interest at heart. She says, as well as ELQ, and Ned says, not only is there a hostile takeover in the works, the Corinthos family is in turbulent times. ELQ needs more seasoned leadership. She says, nice speech, and he says when he sits down as CEO, he’ll make the deal permanent.

On the phone, Brook says she’s so sorry for what they’re going through. No matter what, they’re still a friend. Julian comes in, and she says, well? Did he give Linc the message? He says he was interrupted by Valentin, and she asks what Valentin was doing there. He says he doesn’t care. The point is, he had to walk away before Linc tore up the contract. She says, but he will, right? Julian says he’s gone as far as can go on own She says, if he walks away now, she’ll tell Lucas everything. How he knew about the baby switch, and caused the accident that almost killed his own son. Julian says she’s bluffing, and Brook says, try her.

Julian says Brook should stick to her singing career; he’s calling her bluff. She says she’ll tell Lucas everything, and he says she overheard him talking to Brad months ago, and thinks she heard him threaten Brad. She says he used the word eliminate, and he says he doesn’t know how many times he’s had an intense conversation with Brad. Brad has a talent of upsetting everyone he knows. She says, Lucas might have died in the accident, and he says, tell Lucas her fantasy. Maybe Lucas will believe her; then what? He’s lost his husband and son. Is she going to risk him losing any link to his father because he’ll be better off? She says, what about Sonny? He’ll take her at her word. He says she’s absolutely right, and Sonny will have him killed because her blackmail failed. Is she going to tell Lucas the reason his father is dead. Does she think her career is worth his death? She doesn’t say anything, and he says he didn’t think so. She pretends nothing gets to her, but he doesn’t think she wants his blood on her hands.

Valentin says if Linc is telling him it’s beyond his capabilities, then give back the money. Linc says he doesn’t want to blow the deal, but he wants to make it back to L.A. with his life and career intact. He’s not getting his hands dirty for Brook. Valentin says, Brook is ready to make a deal, and Linc is going to collect.

Michael thanks Diane for coming. She says his message was cryptic; what’s up? She knows Brad and Nelle swapped babies, and his survived, while Willow’s baby died. She’s incredibly happy for him. He says he’s still reeling, in a good way, of course (🍷). She asks what she can do for him, and he says he needs advice on changing Wiley’s name. She says, first or last? and he says, Wiley’s first name is what he knows, but he was never a Cooper or a Jones. He doesn’t know whether to give him Quartermaine or Corinthos. She says, they’re both notorious for different reasons, and he says he needs an objective opinion. What does she think is better for his son? She says, there’s no denying who Wiley is, or who he’s related to. Why not embrace and use both? He says, so Wiley Quartermaine-Corinthos? and she says, it’s a name to be reckoned with.

Anna says she and Finn are at an impasse. He thinks Peter is guilty, and she doesn’t believe he is. She asks if it’s a wall or an obstacle they can find their way around? Peter is a grown person, and has his own life. Is what he did or didn’t do worth sacrificing their future? He wishes it were that simple. He’d love pick up where they left off, plan a wedding, and have their happily ever after. She says, then let’s do that. Violet can be a flower girl, and carry a basket of violets. He says, if it was just them… He has Violet to look out for, and can’t take the same risk on Peter that she can. Violet comes back, and tells them the instructor said she was a natural. Finn says, of course (🍷) she is, and Violet asks if they can go back to Anna’s house now.

Obrecht says, whatever Peter did, whatever Faison led him to do, she understands. If he ever feels the need to unburden himself, don’t trouble Maxie. She’ll always be there to listen. He says she’s too kind. Maxie comes back to the table, and asks what Nina would do without her. She already did all the things Nina told her to do. Not to brag, but Nina needs to appreciate her more. She looks at them, and asks what she missed.

Finn fumbles with Violet’s jacket, and Anna says, step away from the zipper. She tells Violet, daddies are all thumbs when it comes to zippers. There’s so much they don’t know. Finn says, he’s practicing, and she says she gets it. He tells Violet, they’re going to be late for Brianna’s, and Anna asks her what they’re going to do with him. Violet doesn’t know, and Finn tells her, say goodbye to Anna, and let’s get going. Violet says she misses Anna, and asks if they can do this again. Anna says she’ll have to ask her daddy, and Finn says, we’ll see. He leaves with Violet, and looks back at Anna while they’re walking.

Obrecht tells Maxie, she just missed the most fascinating conversation. Who would have thought her time away would have brought her closer to Peter? Peter says, closer than she knows, and Maxie is glad they’re getting along so well. Peter says he is too.

Diane gets ready to leave, and Michael thanks her again. He asks how soon she can arrange the name change, and she says he might want to hold off on that officially. Wiley’s mother might have other ideas. He says, besides being involved in the baby switch, she attacked Willow. She’ll be back in prison. Diane says, that’s for a judge to decide. Until then, Nelle is very much a factor in Wiley’s life.

Brook meets Linc, who tells her that she needs to find new friends. The one he met belongs in a cage. She suggests they get it over with, and asks if he’s tearing up her contract or not. He says, for what it’s worth, he believes she has what it takes, and he’s sorry he won’t be the one to make it happen. She can forget the three record, five year deal. She has her freedom now. She says she’s not sleeping with him, and he says she doesn’t have to. She asks, what’s the catch; what does he want? He takes out a folder, and pushes it toward her. She looks at it, and he says, her shares in ELQ.

Tomorrow, Olivia asks if Brook got an actual offer; Jordan says she’s turning herself in; and Sonny tells Jason and Curtis that Cyrus is a threat, and they have to find a solution.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Benny says, a million dollars? and Candace says, it’s okay, The officer says she’ll be back with the receipt, and Benny asks for $100K in cash. The officer leaves, and Benny says, this is real. Girl, I love you. Candace says, he’d better, and he says, eight dollars; that’s cold. That’s what he’s talking about. She wonders what they’re going to tell Hanna, but he doesn’t care. He’s got a million dollars. He tells her, don’t worry about Jim, and asks what she wants to do. She doesn’t know, and he says, get out of there? She says, for sure. New York, L.A.. He says, that’s it, huh? Don’t look back. She says she won’t, adding, this is all too much. He says he’s getting back to work. He’s getting a truck, and buying a place. He says he’s going to get momma, but Candace says, she won’t move. Benny says, it don’t matter; she will. He thanks Candace, and she says she loves him. He says he loves her too.

Still in the hospital, Jim asks if David has come up with a plan. David says Jim doesn’t want to know what it is. Jim says he won’t tell, and David says he told George that Veronica shot Jennifer, but he didn’t buy it. Jim asks what George said, and David tells him that George thought he was being set up. That’s all he needs; that little weasel breathing down his neck. He can’t go after Veronica now. Jim says, an untraceable accident, and David says, like a plane crash? Jim says he doesn’t want to know. He asks if David talked to AG Kyle, and David says, once. Jim says, he hasn’t called again? and David says, no. Jim says, one bitch at a time. He hands David the papers he was served, and asks David to do him a favor and shred them. He can’t believe his own damn son shot him. David asks if he wants to see Wyatt, and Jim says he does. He is Wyatt’s father. David says, maybe he needs a new one. Jim wants to get out of the hospital. He’s been there long enough. He says he’s going crazy, and asks David, please, get the doctor. David says he’ll talk to Dr. Danny, and Jim says, use two shredders. David leaves, and Jim says, where’s my damn pants?

Veronica’s doorbell rings. It’s George, and she asks what the hell he wants. He wants to talk to her, and she asks if he brought chicken. He says, sorry, but she lets him come in. He says her home is always lovely, and she says, she’s a queen. Queens have lovely homes. What can she do for him? He says he’s letting her know, he spoke with David. David wanted immunity to testify against her for Jennifer’s murder. She says, is that right? He already has the perpetrator of that crime, doesn’t he? She asks if he’s not sure, and he says he’s not. She says he’s wasting his time; she had nothing to do with it. He asks if she was there. Veronica says, so David wants immunity. He asks again, was she there? She says David is playing him. He can blame anything he wants on her. George says that’s what he thought, but then he started thinking, there was so much bad blood between them. he might take David up on it. She tells him, do what he must. Can he leave now? He goes, and she calls David.

David asks why she’s calling, and she says she spoke with George. David says she went after his son, and she tells him, remember, she has evidence about the murder. He says, they both do, and she says, by the way, that girl is not his son. He should get a DNA test and see. He’s been played. Jeffrey might be Jim’s. He calls her a pathetic whore, and she says, thank you; she tries. He says he’s coming for her, and doesn’t need George to do it. She says he does; he’s a weak ass bitch. He doesn’t even know how to kill a bitch. He says she’s a murderer, and she says, bing, bang, boom, Erica. He says they’re coming for her, and she hangs up. She makes another call, and says, send over the candidates today. She knows she’s been putting it off, but she’s ready now. Send a lot over today.

Marty asks if Kathryn is sure she wants to do this. Kathryn says she does, and Marty give her a pen, telling her where to sign. He shows Hanna where to sign, and notarizes it. He tells Hanna, now she has power of attorney. Kathryn asks if she and Hanna can have a minute, but before he goes, how is bail coming? He says, it’s coming, and she asks if she called the judges she told him to. He says, no one wants to touch it. He’s sorry. She says, after all she’s done for them, and he says he’s on it. Kathryn tells Hanna, she can’t believe no one is calling back. Hanna says, that’s the way things happen for a lot of people. They have a saying; nobody loves you when you’re down and out. Kathryn says, it’s just sad. She’s glad she knows Hanna, and says her life is in Hanna’s hands. Wyatt is just hoping they don’t press charges, but it’s not going to work. Hanna says, it’s so sad, and Kathryn says she can’t think about it right now. Hanna says, maybe Wyatt will be sent to a prison where he can get help. Kathryn says, Wyatt tried to kill them. Hanna has too much of a soft spot for her son. Hanna says nobody is saying let him get away with it, but send him to a place where they could hold him and help him. Kathryn asks Hanna to go by the house, and check on things. Make sure the blood is cleaned up. She doesn’t want to see it when she gets home. Hanna says she’ll make sure. Kathryn says, she’s coming home; trust her. Can Hanna do it today, and make sure the plants are watered? Her accountant will come by and explain everything, but don’t let him do anything without seeing her first. She thanks Hanna, and Hanna says Kathryn knows she loves her. Kathryn says she does, and the guard says he has to take her back. Kathryn tells Hanna, to the presidential suite. Hanna says she’ll see Kathryn later, and Kathryn says, yes, she will.

Benny’s kidnapper comes into Jim’s room, and Jim asks what the hell he’s doing there. The thug says, he’s gone. The Malones came in and got him. Jim calls him a first class idiot, and says, go get him. The thug says he can’t. They told him not to, and he doesn’t even know why he was there in the first place. Jim tells him, get the hell out. The thug leaves, and Jim makes a call. He asks if he got a wire, and the bank officer says, yes, but it’s not what Jim thinks. It’s only for eight dollars. Jim says, that bitch. The officer asks what he should do, when Candace walks in, and says, hi.

Jim says he was just about to call her. She didn’t give him his money. She says, no; she did. He says, eight dollars. Care to tell him why? She says she was going to return all of it, but then Jim thought it was a good idea to kidnap her brother. He’s gone now, so that’s it. He says, give him his money, and she says, nope. He says she has no idea what he’s planning to do to her mother and brother if he doesn’t get it. She doesn’t think he’ll do anything, and he says, care to make a bet? She says, $7 million dollars. She just realized that she has a good, solid group of friends in the White House. He says, her name is mud in Washington, but she says she’s talking about the Malones. They’re loyal when you do them a favor. He says he’s done favors for them himself. She says, he also pissed them off, and he says, so will she. It’s only a matter of time. Until then, live it up. That’s his son’s inheritance, and he’ll chase her to the ends of the earth. She says, happy hunting, and he says he knows where her mother and brother are, and he’s going to get her. She says, okay. Her friend has something to say. Jim says, alert the media; she has a friend. Mitch comes in.

Mitch asks how Jim is doing. Jim says he’s been better; have a seat. Mitch sits on the bed, and asks if Jim remembers him. Jim says he does, and Mitch says they need talk about the money. Candace is special to them. Jim says, special to the Malones? and Mitch says, yes. Jim says he happens to know the Malones don’t like Black people. Mitch laughs, and Jim says he thinks that’s funny? Mitch says they like her. She did deliver War to them. Jim says she did that for herself, and Mitch says, it doesn’t matter. His grandma owes her a favor, and Jim knows how Grandma Rose is about favors. Jim says he does, but Candace owes him $8 million, and he’s going to get it back. Mitch says, he understands, but they’re not happy about how Jim harassed her mother and brother. Let this one go. Jim says he can’t; he’s going to get his $8 million back. Mitch says then he’s going to have to talk to his grandma and explain. Jim doesn’t think Mitch understands, and Mitch says, if he doesn’t let it go, he’s going to his grandma, and saying he got caught in the crossfire during Benny’s kidnapping. Jim says they both know that’s not true, but Mitch says, she won’t know. Forget about the money. Mitch doesn’t care how Jim handles it, but he has to let it go. Jim doesn’t know if he can, and Mitch says, a shotgun blast is just a warm up. Jim’s not going to win this one. Jim says Mitch wants him to let $8 million go for Candance because she did a favor? Mitch says she’s got the family behind her, and Jim knows what that brings. It’s his decision. This is just a warning. Jim appreciates him coming, and they shake hands. Mitch says, get better. When he’s gone, Jim says, son of a bitch. I’m laughing. That was fun to watch.

AG Kyle walks into his office to find Connelly sitting in his chair. He asks what he can do for Connelly, and Connelly says he just wanted to come by to look at his new office. He’s been asked to take the appointment. Kyle says he thought it would be Connelly, and Connelly says, confirmation is good. Kyle asks if he can get Connelly a drink, but Connelly says he never touches the stuff. Kyle says, good for him, and Connelly says he doesn’t seem convinced. Kyle says Connelly knows how this town is with rumors, and the rumor is, Connelly drinks a lot. Connelly says, you have to in this town, but no. He remarks that Kyle’s office is smaller and darker than he thought. He might paint. He wonders what Kyle is going to do now that he’s out of a job. Kyle says he has a few more months, but Connelly says, the day is coming. Kyle says, it is, for all of them. Connelly says, some sooner than others. Kyle asks if Connelly would like to see the cafeteria, but Connelly says he doesn’t want anything. He came to tell Kyle that he never liked him. Kyle is a slimy SOB. Kyle says, tell him how he really feels, and Connelly says he knows what Kyle did to his guy, and they don’t have short memories. Kyle asks if that’s a threat, and Connelly says to him, and his whole party. Kyle says he thinks they’re done, and Connelly says, they’re nowhere near done, but he’ll go. Before he does, one name for Kyle – Candace Young. Kyle says, that whore from Savannah, and Connelly says, that’s the one. Kyle asks why he cares, and Connelly says when Kyle tried to take his guy down, it was a personal vendetta. Kyle says, that was horseplay, and Connelly says he caused a lot of grief. Kyle says, tell Charles, it was politics; get used to it. Connelly tells Kyle, keep that arrogance. He hopes Kyle dotted every i, and crossed every t during his tenure. Kyle says he did, and Connelly says, then he won’t mind an open investigation into the entire justice department. Kyle says, go right ahead, and Connelly laughs, saying, no one wants that. Kyle knows if they look hard enough, they’ll find something. Kyle says, thanks for the warning. He’ll make sure his tracks are covered. Connelly says, that’s exactly what he wants Kyle to do. By the way, he farted in Kyle’s chair. HAHAHAHA!

Veronica looks at a candidate for maid, and says, all wrong. The agent says Veronica didn’t talk to her, and Veronica says she doesn’t have to. Exit through the garage. Next. The next woman walks up, and Veronica says, she looks like she steals. Exit. Keep them coming. The next woman holds out her hand, saying she’s loyal, and can clean all day and night. Veronica says, she’s wrong. Follow the others to the garage. She asks the agent if the only candidates are white women. She wants a Black woman who doesn’t eat fried chicken. No greasy maids. The agent says, that’s racist, and Veronica says, she’s Black; she can say it. She wants a Black woman who’s in shape, has class and style, and favors her. The next woman is Black, but Veronica says, not someone who looks like her mother. The woman says, Laura is running late; she’s coming from another job, but Veronica can’t discriminate against color. Veronica asks if white is a color. She’s a lawyer, and the first two barely got through the door, the others look like they’d steal, and the other two looked greasy. The last one looked like her mom, and was not what she asked for. Do her job. Laura comes in, and Veronica says Laura is her size. The agent thinks smaller, and Veronica asks what she’s saying. The agent says, nothing, and Veronica says, she’s hired. She drains her drink, and says she’ll take Laura upstairs, calling her Linda. Laura corrects her, and Veronica says, like she said, Linda. They go upstairs.

Justin pulls up to David’s house, and tells the guard he’s there to see Jeffrey. He’s a friend of his. The guard says he needs to talk to Jeffrey first. Can he tell Jeffrey what it’s about. Justin says he just needs to talk; he’s leaving town. He gives the guard his name, and the guard tells him, wait there. The guard tells Jeffrey that Justin is there, and Jeffrey says, tell Justin he’s not there. Wait. Let him in. The guard tells Justin, come on.

Justin tells Jeffrey that he looks great, and asks if he’s ever coming home. Jeffrey asks what he wants, and Justin says he’s leaving. He can’t take this anymore, so he’s done. Jeffrey says, okay, and Justin says that’s all Jeffrey has to say after what they’ve been through? Jeffrey says he’s sorry, and Justin says Jeffrey’s mom won’t let him be who he is, and won’t make them stop. Is Jeffrey in this with her? Jeffrey says, no, and Justin says, then make her stop. Jeffrey says, nothing can make her stop. Justin says Jeffrey is just going to let him go? and Jeffrey says he can’t stop Justin. Justin says, it’s because he’s seeing Madison, but Jeffrey says he’s not seeing anyone. Justin asks why Jeffrey is dressed up. Where is he going? Jeffrey says Justin said he was leaving, so he should do that. Justin says, wow. So cold. Jeffrey says, it’s a cold world. Buzz off. Justin says Jeffrey did this to him, but Jeffrey says Justin did it to himself. Justin says he begged for Jeffrey’s help. He’s sorry. Jeffrey says, goodbye. Justin says, goodbye, and leaves. Jeffrey wonders what the hell he’s up to.

Veronica tells Laura to dust all day; she likes it spotless. Laura has a pile of clothes in her arms, and Veronica says they’re going to charity. Laura says, some still have the tags on them, and Veronica says she didn’t get to wear them before the season was over. Does Laura like them? Laura asks if she’s serious, and Veronica says she can have them, on one condition. She has to wear them to work. (What is this? The Gap?) Laura says she can’t work in them, and Veronica says she can change when she gets there. She’s a giving person, and wants Laura to know what it feels like to walk in her shoes. Speaking of shoes, What size is Laura? Laura says, six, but tells Veronica her shoes are a little big. Veronica says, they’re not, and asks if Laura has a car. Laura doesn’t, and Veronica asks if she can drive. Laura says, yes, and Veronica says sometimes she’ll want Laura to take her car to the carwash. Let her show Laura around. This is gonna be fun. Not too obvious.

At county, Wyatt calls to Kathryn, who says she’s not in the mood. He says he thinks he wants to die. After all he’s done to her and his dad, he thinks they’d want him to die. Kathryn says she’s heard all this before, and he says she doesn’t think he’d do it. She says he’s in jail, and safe from himself. Just leave her alone. Wyatt asks if she wants to see how easy it is to kill yourself in there. He takes out a toothbrush, and says, you can easily get a shank like this. There’s a razor inside; he can slit his wrists. She tells him, don’t do anything stupid, and he says, it’s not stupid. It’s a way out. Doesn’t she think she and his dad would be happy. She says she’s not playing around, and he says, neither is he. He sets his wrist on one of the bars, and takes the razor blade out. Kathryn calls for a guard, but Wyatt says he timed it so it’s the guard’s shift change. Tell his dad that he’s sorry. She says, please, and he cuts into his wrist. She calls again for the guard, and asks, what has he done?

Next time- the mid-season finale – Hanna says she’ll have Candace and Benny arrested, Jim plans an accident, the AG says the favor Jim did doesn’t pay this kind of debt, and Wyatt collapses.

Vanderpump Rules

It’s Stassi’s birthday, and she says she didn’t want sh*t to happen. She wants all or nothing, and with so much going on – her sister’s wedding, and Brittany and Jax’s wedding – this time, she wanted nothing. She and Beau meet Schwartz and Katie at a coffee shop. Katie tells her, happy birthday, and Stassi shushes her. Katie says, next year, and Stassi says she’s going to have so much built up birthday sh*t, it’s going to be like nothing they’ve ever seen. In Stassi’s interview, she says, this year, she’s a newly hatched baby dragon. Next year, she’s going to be in fully grown dragon mode, full of fire and anger, that didn’t die. We flash back to her previous birthdays. Schwartz asks if she’s ever revisiting the joint birthday, and we flash back to her Ice Queen party with Ariana. She tells Schwartz that she wasn’t really friends with some of the guests, and doesn’t want to make small talk. She says Jax and Brittany are going to Ariana’s birthday party, and she’s surprised. Schwartz wants to try and mend this. He wants to support Jax, but feels like Jax will regret it in the future if Tom isn’t there. In Schwartz’s interview, he says Tom is Jax’s best friend, but he doesn’t know if it will be the same after this. Stassi says, Ariana might not go to the wedding, Jax’s mom isn’t invited, and Lisa can’t make it. Stassi tells Schwartz to suggest Jax invite Tom back. In Stassi’s interview, she says she knows Jax and Brittany will ultimately want Tom there. If they don’t invite him, they’ll look back at it, and be sad. The waitress brings a cupcake with a candle in it, and Happy Birthday is sung. Beau blows out the candle, and unwraps the cupcake. I assume he eats it too, but we don’t see that.

Lisa’s business partner Nathalie comes by Villa Rosa with flowers. Puffy! She and Lisa hug, and Nathalie says she’s very sorry. She remembers Lisa’s mom as being flamboyant, smart, and gorgeous. In Lisa’s interview, she says her mother was in Mensa and could solve a Rubik’s Cube. She remembers going water skiing with her mom, and playing tennis. She says, there’s a progression with a parent, and maybe we get mentally prepared during that time, but her mother died suddenly from deep vein thrombosis – it came out of nowhere. Nathalie gives Lisa a photo of her mom in a frame. Lisa gets weepy, and Nathalie says she didn’t mean to make her cry. Lisa looks at a picture of herself with her mother, and says she looks so young. She tells Nathalie, life is difficult sometimes, and she doesn’t want to miss the good stuff. She can’t dictate when the funeral is, and told Jax and Brittany that she can’t be there. She tells Nathalie to have a chocolate, and Nathalie says, only if she can have the pink one. Lisa says Nathalie knows that’s hers.

Danica asks Raquel and Dayna to help fold napkins, since Peter didn’t make anyone do it last night. Raquel tells them that she went out with some of the girls last night, and drank way too much. We see her dancing around in someone’s InstaStory. She says she blacked out, but Scheana made sure she got home. She left her phone in the kitchen, and passed out. When she woke up, she had a million texts from James. Whore. Slut. Dayna says Raquel deserves better. In Dayna’s interview, she says she doesn’t care who you are, or if you’re drunk, or shooting heroin into your eyeballs. No one talks that way to someone they say they love. She says she’d tell him to suck an effing egg. In Raquel’s interview, she says she didn’t even look at all the texts. She didn’t want to see everything. A producer asks if she’ll read through them, and she reads. F*** you. I’m breaking up with you. Whore. Slut. Whore. F*** you. She says, it makes her literally want to throw up. Dayna says Raquel is so much better than that.

It’s Ariana’s birthday, and Tom asks if she wants a glass of wine, as she gets ready for the party. He brings her wine in a glass so big, it’s only slightly smaller than Amy Schumer’s joke glass. She says she finally slept, and Tom says he woke up before her, and let her sleep. In Tom’s interview, he says, Ariana has always dealt with depression. He’ll do anything he can to be there for her. He tells her that he figured he’d let her save up her birthday energy. She says she’s not woohoo about it, but she needed some reset sleeping. In her interview, she says, the last thing she wants to do is go to a party when she’s depressed. Life is made up of highs and lows, and she needs to learn to surf the lows better, and not drown in that ocean. She asks Tom if Jax texted back, and he says, no. She says, Brittany is coming, so she assumes Jax is coming with her. Tom says he didn’t think he’d change Jax’s mind. We flash back to Tom reading Ariana the text he sent Jax. He asks if Ariana has thought about what she wants to do about the wedding, but Ariana says she doesn’t know. She has to tell Brittany tonight. In Ariana’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to abandon Brittany, but Tom is her guy. It’s the hardest decision she’s made maybe ever. She tells Tom, there’s a lot based on this decision, and she doesn’t want to make one.

There’s a marquee outside the venue that says, Happy Birthday, Ariana, and it gets crowded quickly. Charli tells Dayna about her date with Brett. He said he wanted to get to know her, and then talked about himself and his ex-girlfriend. We flash back to that, and her saying she doesn’t sit through podcasts this long. She tells Dayna, they broke up two years ago. In Max’s interview, he says, the date sucked. It was like dealing with a child. She’s got to fix her sh*t. Lala says, Ariana is still not there. She is planning on coming, right? Last night, she told Ariana that she wanted her to be honest, and Ariana said she wanted to drive off a cliff. She’s going to be miserable in Kentucky without Tom. Brittany says it breaks her heart. Katie asks if Tom still isn’t welcome, and Brittany says, he apologized, but Jax is headstrong. She thinks if Tom isn’t there, Jax is going to regret it. She can’t stop thinking about it. Tom and Ariana arrive.

In Jax’s interview, he says, after twenty years of friendship, a text is like a slap in the face. All Tom had to do is say he was sorry. He doesn’t want to be walked on. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Jax and Tom have done worse sh*t to each other than this. We flash back to a few times they’ve gotten into fistfights. She’s pretty sure they can get past this. Stassi thinks if Jax doesn’t invite Tom, the friendship is done. Katie says she can’t believe Jax would give Tom a third chance at being best man, but Brittany says, he can just invite Tom. Stassi says they need to talk it out. In Brittany’s interview, she says, the situation has caused her so much anxiety. She hates it. Brittany asks to talk to Tom, and says she’s going to explode over this situation with Jax. She’s not going to hate Tom forever because of one argument. Tom says, when he left, he assumed the friendship was done. He was dead inside. He’s angry about it, and sad about it. He didn’t know what do or say. She says Jax was just looking for an I’m sorry, and Tom says he felt like Jax just wanted him gone.

Jax joins them, and says he thought the two people he wouldn’t have to worry about were his best men. Tom admits that he could have handled himself better. He didn’t want it to be like that. He apologizes. Jax says, it’s water under the bridge. Of course he wants Tom at his wedding. Tom says, whatever Jax wants. He can come as a guest. Jax says he still wants Tom to be best man, and they hug. Ariana hugs Brittany. In Tom’s interview, he says, I’m back. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he feels like he can breathe again. He’s been watching tutorials on how to tie a bow tie all week. In Jax’s interview, he says he’s not over it, but it was easier to give in. One less problem. Jax says, let’s have a good wedding. No more hiccups.

Katie tells Kristen, she’s getting the sympathy of going through a breakup, but she’s not actually going through one. She can’t watch Kristen drink the poison called Carter. If she wants to do that, Katie can’t help her. She asks if Carter is coming to the wedding, and Kristen says, of course. Katie tells her to stop saying they broke up. Katie says, no one gives a f*** if Carter is there. He’s only been invited because Kristen wants him there. Kristen says Katie is being super hurtful, and Katie says Carter hasn’t even been around them lately.

James tells Raquel, they probably won’t stay, but she says they were invited to a party. He should be happy they were, and be there for a second. She’s glad he’s not drinking tonight. They have to talk about the other night. The way he texted was completely inappropriate. He says, if she’d answered, he wouldn’t have gotten so triggered. Oh, okay. I guess it’s her responsibility to cover him in bubblewrap. In his interview, James says, when she doesn’t answer, he thinks she’s doing what he used to do. A girl like Raquel doesn’t get left alone at parties.

Ariana says she has to get Stassi a present, but Stassi says, no present. They sing Happy Birthday, but I don’t see a cake anywhere. Maybe Beau ate it. Ariana’s brother Jeremy is there though. Ariana says she knows they like it when she’s drunk. Yay for her being born.

It’s the next day, and Jax asks Brittany if she wants to call Lance. She says he’s in Hawaii, but they don’t have much time. He sent a transcript of the ceremony. Jax says he doesn’t want Lance talking more than four minutes. Brittany says everything in it is beautiful, and Jax asks if she thinks they can ask him to sing No Strings Attached. Brittany laughs, and says she’s so excited. Jax says, focus, and she calls Lance. Lance asks, what’s going on? and Jax says they’re planning a wedding, and thanks him for officiating. In Brittany’s interview, she says tomorrow, they’re going to Kentucky. It’s wedding week. No turning back. Jax says he wants Lance to wear a multicolored robe. Lance says, like in Jesus Christ Superstar? and I say, no, it’s Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The answer is right in the name of the show. I’m hoping Lance was just drinking heavily, and mixed up his musicals. He tells Jax that he’s honored, and Jax says they want Lance to enjoy himself. Afterwards, Jax tells Brittany, he thinks he sounded stupid. Well, he didn’t correct Lance.

Ariana and Raquel go out behind SUR to talk. Raquel asks if Ariana is tired after her birthday extravaganza, and Ariana says she has to pack for Kentucky. She barely saw Raquel at the party. She saw Raquel talking to James. She says she heard about the texts, and Raquel says if she hadn’t gotten drunk and kept James updated, he wouldn’t have been drinking. Ariana says, it’s not her fault; it’s on him. She asks to see the texts, and Raquel says she’s not proud of any of them. She shows Ariana the phone, and says, it goes on a while. Ariana reads; I hate you, we’re breaking up, I’ll never marry you. Ariana tells Raquel it’s only a matter of time before words like that become what Raquel thinks of herself. Ariana has been there before. In her interview, Ariana says she was in a verbally abusive, controlling relationship. She didn’t do what she should have; end it as soon as it happened. She tells Raquel, she doesn’t want to see her sacrifice her own self-worth to help James, when he’s not helping himself. In Raquel’s interview, she says, no girl thinks  she’ll be verbally abused going into a relationship. She doesn’t want to go through that again. It was scary to her. She tells Ariana, it’s the last straw.

Brett asks Scheana how her trip was. In Scheana’s interview, she says she loves Ariana, but had already booked a job on the east coast singing Good As Gold. Charli showed up dressed as her, so she was there anyway. Brett says it’s too bad Scheana wasn’t there. He didn’t want her to feel the way she did about his lunch date with Charli. Scheana says she just doesn’t want him to get hurt, and he says it’s not serious. She says she’s not giving him advice anymore. Speak of the devil… Charli joins them, and Brett jokes that they’re wearing the same outfit. Charli says she wanted to talk to both of them. Scheana told Brett that she was untrustworthy. Scheana say she doesn’t use that word, but she doesn’t trust any new people. Charli says it seemed weird, and she had the feeling Scheana liked Brett, but she’d said she wouldn’t let it get between a friendship. Scheana says she doesn’t like Brett like that. Charli says Brett told her that Scheana was questioning her intentions, and it’s a turn-off for someone to bring up their girlfriend of two years ago. Brett says, it clearly wasn’t a date, and wonders if he was supposed to make the whole conversation about her. He says he was being honest, and now he’s being scolded for it. This is why he can’t have girls as friends; they take sh*t to the next level. In Brett’s interview, he says he’s got a Charli and Scheana smoothie, and it’s a disgusting drink. Charli says she has to get back to work. She loves them both – don’t hate her. Brett says she has to have the last word, and make him look like an idiot. Charli tells him to write about it in his diary. In Scheana’s interview, she says she didn’t poison the well. She doesn’t want Charli and Brett to be together, but she didn’t do it on purpose. Her bad.

Lexington, Kentucky. In Brittany’s interview, she says she’s always known she wanted to get married in the Kentucky Chapel, surrounded by family and friends. It’s her dream venue. Two days until the wedding. At the castle where everyone is staying, Brittany says, it’s her kingdom, and she’s so excited. It’s perfect. She says, people are there, and tells everyone, welcome. Stassi says, it’s a mixture of Game of Thrones and Downton Abbey. Brittany shows them to their rooms. One of their dogs has a poopie issue, and in her interview, Stassi says, even though the room smells like dog sh*t, it’s the most romantic place she’s ever been. Brittany hugs everyone, and tells them that she loves them. Schwartz says, a bathroom with chairs; amazing. Scheana asks Kristen if Carter is coming, and in her interview, Kristen says Carter isn’t staying in the castle with the rest of the wedding party. It’s at their request, but he’s also not her boyfriend. She and Scheana have a drink while they get dressed. Brittany says, it’s two and a half hours until the rehearsal. The girls have gotten gift bags, and put on their robes and sleep masks. Lala gets dressed, and Stassi says she can’t wear that; it’s white. In Lala’s interview, she says she didn’t realize they couldn’t wear white during any of the wedding functions. She wouldn’t be mad if someone wore white to the rehearsal dinner for her wedding. She goes to change anyway.

Schwartz says he doesn’t really want do anything. Before they left, he went to check on their lizard, Daug, but he’d passed away during the night. He buried Daug in the backyard. Daug, gone too soon. Jax and Brittany go out on their bedroom balcony, and Brittany yells, I’m getting married! Jax says, him too

Meanwhile, at TomTom, Lisa stops in, and asks Max for a cup of tea. She says she’s seen the figures, and it seems to be running smooth. She tells Max that she hasn’t felt up to being around customers, and faking it. He doesn’t blame her, and she says she has to start getting out. Life is punctuated by important moments. It’s significant that Jax and Brittany are getting married. She watched Jax attempt to grow up. In Lisa’s interview, she says Jax has been in her life for so many years. We flash back to after Jax’s father died, and he told Lisa it was a wake-up call. We move to Lisa talking to Jax’s mom Marie. She says, they’ve gone a long way. Max says he’s sure they’ll miss seeing her at the wedding.

Everyone gathers for the rehearsal at the chapel. Planners Mitchel and Christie give everyone orders, and say, those not in the wedding party can stay or go in the shade. They’re doing a dry run. Tom brings out a cooler with at least three different drink choices. In his interview, Tom says he’s good at being a best man. He’s been busting ass. Maybe he should start a business. We see a fake commercial with Tom saying he puts the best in best man. He’ll make sure you don’t sweat. He doesn’t throw shade – he provides it. Schwartz says, at his wedding, Tom took care of his dog and cried real tears at the same time. Scheana says Tom wasn’t her best man, and now she’s divorced. Tom says, see you at the altar. That was pretty funny.

They go through walking down the aisle, and who’s walking together. Mitchel asks if someone will be Randall. Brittany tells her dad, looking out the window, it hit her; it’s real. They look out, and see everyone lined up. Tom puts an umbrella over Jax. There’s a disagreement over who should come first – there are tons of people involved – and in Jax’s interview, he says, Tom isn’t number one. Schwartz is his best friend, and needs to walk out first. He’s paying for this huge day, and wants it the way he wants it. He tells Brittany, it’s the one thing he asked, but she says she didn’t want to upset anyone. In Tom’s interview, he says he’s been Jax’s friend for almost twenty years, and thought he’d be next to him. He fights back tears, and says, to be moved past to Schwartz is expected, but it hurts.    

James makes chicken tacos. Raquel is bummed, but James says he’s tired of hearing about it. He’s over it. in James’s interview, he makes fun of the hashtag Jax is using on everything – #JaxGotItRight. Raquel says, no one is posting, Maybe they’re so wasted, they can’t. James tells Raquel, let’s not go there, but she says she’s not pretending it didn’t happen so he feels better. He tells her that he says a lot of things when he’s drunk. She says he gives her a tone, and he says, it’s his personality; he’s from England. If she doesn’t love who he is, goodbye. She says she’s not telling him not to express his emotions, and he says he’s so over this conversation. He walks out of the apartment, and in Raquel’s interview, she says she’s the one person who’s stood by him. She cries, and says she’s given him so many chances, and it hurts. He comes back, and she says he doesn’t like hearing the truth, but they have to talk about it. He says he’s sorry; he knows. She says she’s not blaming herself for his actions, and she’s not going to be embarrassed for him. The way he talks to her when he’s drunk scares her. If they have kids, she doesn’t want to put them in any situation that’s even relatively close. If he can’t get his sh*t together, then they’ll break up. She wants to go to self-help meeting as well; Al-Anon for those who have loved ones in their lives who drink. James says he’ll go to meetings, and stop drinking. In James’s interview, he says they’ve talked about this before, but there’s something about how Raquel is looking at him, and how upset she is, that he knows he needs to get a handle on it, before she walks out the door, and he’s left wondering what happened. She says it scares her, and he says he knows. He tells her not to cry. He’s doing it. He promises. Raquel says she can’t stop him from drinking anymore, and he says he’s sorry.

And did he just call her Bubba?

Next time, Jax gets sh*tfaced the night before the wedding, Beau tells Kristen that Stassi is his world, and a server tells Dayna that she saw Max with another girl.

🌅 Don’t You Dare…

I’m more like touchy in the morning, but I do love Miss Ross.

February 25, 2020 – Carly Visits Nelle, Kathryn Gives Hanna Her Power, Tom’s Uninvited & That’s It


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

In Sonny’s kitchen, Cameron asks what there is to eat; he’s starving. Trina says Josslyn just told them about her new nephew. Josslyn says, the same night Nelle tried to kill her brother, she had Brad steal the baby. Trina says, the good news is Nelle was arrested, and will end up in prison. Josslyn’s brother has his son back, and can now keep Wiley to himself. Cameron likes the way Trina thinks; a silver lining. Josslyn says she’s going to find her mom, and tells them to help themselves. Cameron tells Trina, Nelle is crazy. Why would anyone risk getting Sonny mad? Trina says they have to focus. They need to talk about the dance. Josslyn can’t blow it off. She needs be there.

Ned finds Olivia at the MetroCourt, and she says it’s a pleasant surprise. She thought he had a meeting. He says, it ended early. He thought she’d want to spend time with him, and their new family member. She says, Brook was on the schedule… He says, don’t tell him. She’s a no show. Brook runs in, saying she’s sorry she’s late. She just booked studio time, and it’s supposed to start now, but she needs her paycheck.

At a table nearby, Alexis says, Brad and Nelle replaced Willow’s baby with Michael and Nelle’s baby? and Sam says, Wiley is Michael’s son. The adoption Alexis delivered to Brad didn’t live. Alexis asks how they were able to switch the babies, and Sam says, no surprise, Nelle was behind it. Julian approaches, and Alexis says Sam told her what happened. She’s so sorry about his grandson. He must be devastated. Is there anything she can do? He says, there is. He needs a lawyer for Brad.

Michael tells Jason, on one hand, he realizes how complicate the situation is. Once he gets the legal technicalities sorted out, he can officially file a legal document regarding Nelle’s rights. All of that is important, but it seems so small in comparison to the reality that Wiley is there with him. Jason says, Wiley is Michael’s son; that’s the truth. On paper, it’s another story. Michael’s got to make a plan about Nelle. Michael says he’ll handle it, and Jason asks, how? Michael says, by doing the one thing Nelle can’t. Play by the rules.

Nelle calls to the guard, saying she needs to know where her son is. Carly walks in, and the guard tells her to take as much time as she needs. Nelle asks how her son is; is Wiley okay? Carly tells her, drop the act. Nelle doesn’t give a damn about her child except to use him as a weapon to hurt Michael, and she’s not about to let that happen.

Ned tells Brook that her only shift was yesterday, and she expects to be paid? and Olivia says she can’t bail without giving notice. Ned says, according to the terms of Brook’s contract, anything she records belongs to Linc, but Brook says she can record, even if she can’t release it at the moment. She’ll create art for art’s sake. Dustin comes up behind her, and says he’d like to hear that.

Trina tells Cameron, if Josslyn doesn’t feel like going, they’ll have to talk her into it. This is for him. He’s been kind, supportive, and respectful, and it’s time Josslyn opened her eyes to what’s right in front of her. He says, what if she still doesn’t see? and Trina says, then it’s her loss, and he can move on. Josslyn comes back, saying her mom isn’t home. She’ll have to see her later. Trina says Josslyn will be at the mid-winter formal. She’s the one who opened the school’s eyes to be inclusive about gender identification. Josslyn says she wasn’t the only one. Oscar helped. She’d like to get to know Wiley better, and do some journaling.

Nelle asks Carly if Wiley is okay, and Carly says, he’s more than fine. Wiley went to the Quartermaines. Michael is over the moon, and Wiley is with everyone who loves him. Nelle says, if only she’d known the lifeless baby in her arms wasn’t hers, and that Jonah was alive. If she could have stopped Brad, she would have. Carly says, give it up. She’ll never see Wiley again, and if the legal system doesn’t make certain of that, Carly will.

Sam says, Julian is asking Alexis to be Brad’s lawyer? After what he did? Lucas must be devastated. Alexis tells Sam, she’s got this, and Julian says he knows what Sam is saying. His heart is breaking. Lucas is his son, but Brad is his son-in-law. Sam says, not for long. Lucas is never going to forgive Brad, and their marriage will never recover from this. Julian says, if they truly love each other, they can survive anything. Sam should know that better than anyone.

Jason asks what Michael means by playing by the rules. Michael says the law is on his side. He’s lucky he’s in a position where he can afford the best lawyers. He just has to file the paperwork. Nelle violated the terms of her parole, and should be on her way back to prison, but she can still technically petition the court for access to Wiley, and request supervised visits. He says, Diane thinks she can block it, but Jason says he can’t plan on things going right, and has to figure out what he’s going to do if they go wrong.

Trina tells Josslyn that she journals too much. Some people have a cell phone addiction, but Josslyn has a journal addiction. If she’s not careful, she’ll spend more time writing about her life than living it. Why doesn’t she want to go to the dance? Josslyn asks why Trina cares, and Trina says, it will be fun, and they can show school spirit. Not everyone is involved in a sport or gets awards. They do their part by showing up, and Josslyn should be one with them. Josslyn asks if Trina is involved with camp, but Josslyn says she’s one of those people. Cameron asked her, so they’ll be going together. Josslyn wonders when Cameron had time, since he was away, and Trina says they were texting. When Cameron got back, they confirmed they’d go together, before he met her dad. Josslyn asks what Cameron thinks of Mr. Taggert, and he says he’s as scary as Josslyn’s dad and stepdad combined. Scarier. Trina says, he’s nowhere near scarier. Cameron tells Josslyn, he read about the shooting. He wishes he’d been there, and could have helped. Josslyn says, she’s okay, thanks to Michael and Dustin.

Brook says, Dustin wants to hear her music? He says he’s always been a fan, and thinks there are big things in store for her. She says, if he promises not to tell she’s recording material, she’ll let him in on it. She asks if it’s okay with his girlfriend, and Dustin says she’ll be okay with it. He hopes Brook gets back to songwriting. Maybe there’s an award in her future. Brook’s phone rings, and she steps away to take it. Olivia tells Dustin that Carly informed her about the school dance, and he says he was hoping to talk to Carly. Olivia says Carly isn’t there. He’ll have to talk to her instead.

Brook tells Ned, the studio is double-booked. She has to reschedule. Ned says, then she can work her shift. Brook says, after she gets her paycheck, maybe they can go over the schedule, and make sure it doesn’t conflict with her studio time. It’s complicated. Olivia says she’ll uncomplicate it. Brook is fired.

Jason says Michael knows what Nelle is capable of, and knows she gave Wiley to Brad. If she gets a sympathetic jury and walks, what does he think is going to happen? The doorbell rings, and Michael tells Wiley to keep an eye on his Uncle Jason. Jason puts Wiley in his lap, and says, Michael will always be there for him because Michael is his dad and loves him. That will never change. If he’s upset, Michael will be there. If he makes a mistake, Michael will forgive him. Does he know why? Because Michael’s love for him is bigger than the whole world. One day soon, Wiley will realize that.

Nelle says, keeping a child away from his own mother; what if someone did that to Carly? Oh that’s right, Carly couldn’t bear to be a mom, and pushed Michael away. She didn’t have a choice. Brad stole her baby. If Carly wants someone to blame, blame Brad. Carly says Brad is going to get what he deserves, and so is Nelle.

Sam says Julian has a helluva nerve asking Alexis to defend Brad. She tells Alexis to say something, and Alexis says she can speak for herself. Julian has a helluva nerve asking her to defend Brad. Julian says he’s not; he just needs a referral. Sam asks why he cares about Brad, and he says Lucas is grieving his son, and can barely think straight. He highly doubts Lucas wants Brad in prison for the rest of his life. Sam says, Brad isn’t innocent, even though it was Nelle’s idea. Julian says Nelle is playing the victim card, saying she was unconscious, and when she woke up, she was holding a baby who’d already breathed his last. Alexis asks if Nelle is saying Brad switched the baby without her knowledge, and Julian nods. He says, Brad says just the opposite. He was in emotional distress and couldn’t think clearly. He believes Brad over Nelle; wouldn’t she? Sam says she’s got to agree with Julian on this one.

Brook tells Olivia, she’s sorry she didn’t do a good job, and Olivia says Brook might have given her a heads up. Brook says, the truth is, she needs to be writing. Then, after she waits out her contract, she’ll have new music to drop. Olivia says, good luck. She has customers to take care of. She walks away, and Ned says, let him get this straight. Brook has five years free, and in the meantime, she’ll be writing. Brook says, all music, all the time, and Ned says, without working? She says, music is work, and he says let him clarify; without working for pay. She says he knows artists live on faith and courage. She thought he’d be proud of her. He says he is, but faith and courage don’t pay the bills. She needs to find a real job and work in the real world. She says it will destroy her soul, but he says, she’s an adult. It’s time she acted like one. She can work with him at ELQ. She says, doing what? and he says he’ll figure something out. She asks what makes him think she’s more suited for office work than restaurant work?

Sam says, Nelle lies as much as she breathes, and Julian says Nelle is telling everyone she’s the poor, innocent victim, and Brad is a monster. Sam says, Brad’s no saint. Before he confessed, he allowed Lucas to fall in love with a baby he thought was his. Michael thought his baby was dead. Brad didn’t come up with the idea, but he’s just as guilty. Alexis says, the bottom line is, Wiley spent a year and a half with the wrong parents. That kind of upheaval is detrimental, and both Brad and Nelle should be held accountable and punished. Sam says her mom is right. Julian should walk away. Julian says he can’t.

Chase tells Michael, forensics combed Nelle’s possessions to find possible evidence for the case against her. They searched her car and her bag, and found something. He can’t confirm the details, but what they found appears to contradict Nelle’s version of events. Michael is glad to hear it, and asks how Willow has been. Chase says, it’s been rough, and it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better. Michael says, Willow tried hard to protect her son, and Chase says, she’s questioning everything now. It’s a lot to handle. Michael says she has Chase, and Chase says he’s trying his best.

Carly says, Brad needs to pay for his crimes, but his crimes pale in comparison to Nelle’s. She’s not talking about the murder, or the attempted murder that sent Nelle to Pentenville the first time. She’s talking about kidnapping, fraud, and child endangerment. Shiloh kidnapped Wiley because Nelle lied. Nelle says she never lied. Brad stole her precious baby, and if she hadn’t heard Brad say he was actually her son with Michael… She went to Chase’s apartment to hold her baby. Carly says, too bad Willow was there to stop her. Nelle says she feels bad for Willow, and Carly says, she knocked Willow unconscious. Nelle says she was desperate, like any other mother would be, except maybe Carly. Carly asks if she’s really going with this defense. She hopes the jury sees through Nelle, but if they don’t, and the worst happens and she walks, Nelle’s first steps in the sunshine could very well be her last.

Carly tells Nelle, it’s a big, dangerous, crazy world out there. Lots things happen. She should plead guilty; it’s safer for her in prison. Nelle says she learned a lot from Ryan while she was in Pentenville. Too bad Carly didn’t learn from him when they were in Ferncliff together. Or was that Kevin? Nelle wishes she had a twin, so she could be in two places at once. Chase comes in, and says he needs to talk to Nelle. Carly says, good luck, and leaves. Chase asks Nelle to tell him again. Why was she at his apartment last night?

Michael tells Jason, the police found evidence that contradicts Nelle’s story. Jason says, good, and Michael says he asked about Willow. Chase said she’s really struggling. He can’t begin to describe what it feels like to lose a child. He’s been there, and knows what she’s going through. She would have grieved anyway, but to spend the last year and a half, thinking she gave up Wiley and loving him when he wasn’t hers; and the baby she trusted to Brad is gone. In some ways, Michael thinks Brad and Nelle hurt Willow the most.

Alexis tells Julian that he’d said he wanted to go good and decent things. Does he think getting involved with Brad and Nelle after what they did is good and decent? He says he just wants a lawyer. Alexis had said everyone is entitled to a good defense. Did she change her mind because it’s someone she doesn’t like? She says she’ll have her assistant text a list of attorneys. He thanks her, and leaves. Sam wonders why he’s so determined to help Brad. What’s that all about?

Brook tells Ned, forget the whole employment thing. Open up her trust fund so she can pursue her passion. He asks if anything he said made the slightest impression. She has to rely on herself; no one else. She says Olivia just fired her, and Ned says he won’t ask Olivia to rehire her. He wants to stay married. Maybe Brook can find something more to her taste. She’ll never know if she can do it if she doesn’t try. The free ride stops right now.

Cameron says, Dustin threw himself into a gunfight? Poetry man? Josslyn says, he’s not all about poetry. He’s amazing. He saved her life. Cameron says, no argument from him, and Trina suggests they go. Josslyn tells Cameron not to bring alcohol this time, and Trina says Dustin will probably follow him around with a breathalyzer all night. Josslyn says, Dustin is going to be there? She looks at the flyer for the dance.

Dustin tells Olivia that he appreciates her help. Olivia says Carly will kill her if she doesn’t do something nice after what Dustin did for Josslyn. She’ll make pizza, and he says, the kids will love that. He thanks her, and she says, Lulu and Dante love a good Bensonhurst slice. He says, sorry. He’s not trying to take Dante’s place.

Brook sees Julian at the bar, and asks how Lucas is. Julian asks what she thinks, and she says everyone is happy at the Quartermaines, Monica most of all, but they feel terrible about Lucas. It wasn’t just the lie, but who did the lying; the person he trusted most. She hears Brad is in jail. Funny thing, the first night she and Julian met, she saw him with Brad. He said Brad was an associate, but Brad was actually his son-in-law. Julian tells her, it’s always a pleasure speaking to her, but he has to go. She says she’s confused. When she suggested he terminate his partnership with Brad, he agreed, and said he would. After that is when the car accident happened, and the police still can’t figure out why the brakes didn’t work. Julian wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would he?

At the café, Cameron says, a way of showing school spirit? and Trina says it was the best she could come up with on short notice. He says, it’s not subtle, and she says, subtle doesn’t get the job done. Josslyn finally needs to see what she’s missing out on. Cameron says, or not, and she says, either Josslyn sees what she’s missing, or he can cut her loose, and some other lucky girl will find him.

Josslyn plays with Wiley, and tells Michael, she’s officially in love. He says she loved Wiley before, but she says she’s his aunt now; it’s a different kind of love. When is he going to say aunt? Michael says he’ll make it his first order of business after he teaches Wiley to say dad. Josslyn says Michael will be a great dad. He always watched out for her. He said he stopped her from swallowing rubber bands, and she says he also taught her to high-five. She tells Wiley, everyone is telling him what a great dad he has. Too bad about all the time he was with Brad and Lucas. Michael says he made a deal with himself; no regrets. He’s not going to be angry or sad about what he missed. Josslyn wonders if they all survived the shooting so it could lead to this. Michael says he learned you have to take life with both hands, and not let go. Josslyn says she’s starting to feel that way too. She’s emerging from a black hole. He says, that’s great, and she says she knows she’ll never get Oscar back, but she’s feeling like she’s starting to get herself back, and it feels really good.

Nelle tells Chase, she went to see her son, the boy Brad stole who she gave birth to. Chase says, she was unconscious, and she says, yes. Brad took her kid, leaving her with the wrong baby. When she regained consciousness, she believed the lifeless baby was her own. It wasn’t until she heard Brad’s confession that she realized what he’d done. She wanted to hold her kid. Chase says, no matter who got hurt? and she says, sorry about Willow. Willow was keeping her away from Wiley. Chase says, so they fought, and she knocked Willow out. She says she was desperate; she didn’t know what she was doing. Is Willow okay? Chase says, Willow was examined at the hospital, and learned Wiley wasn’t her son. Nelle says she hopes Brad’s conviction gives Willow some comfort, and Chase says, go to hell. Focus on her own conviction. She came to his apartment fully intending on taking Wiley and disappearing.

Carly looks at the dance flyer. Jason comes in, and she asks how it went. He says, Michael is happy and focused on Wiley. He’s thinking ahead, and already called Diane for legal strategy about Wiley’s custody. The cops also found evidence against Nelle. Carly says, Nelle is as slippery as ever, and he asks what she means. What’s going on? She says she went to the PCPD to see Nelle, and he says she played right into Nelle’s hands.

Alexis tells Sam, she has no idea if anything suspicious is going on with Julian and Brad. She has more pressing concerns. It’s time for Neil’s review, and she’s going to New York to make a statement on his behalf. It was one date, one kiss, and not a relationship. Once the board understands, Neil’s reprimand should be expunged. They just have to stay away from each other for two years. Sam asks if Alexis is going to follow the rules. There should be a way two smart people can pursue a relationship without getting caught. Alexis says she’s not standing in the way of a career that Neil loves. Sam says she’s not letting the parole board keep her away from Jason. Alexis says, give her a dollar, and Sam does. She tells Sam, anything she says is now protected under attorney/client privilege. What are they planning? It better not be murder. Sam says, it’s not, but if her parole officer has done something illegal or something she can get fired over… Alexis says she’s blackmailing her parole officer, but Sam says she didn’t say that. Alexis says, please don’t do this, but Sam says nothing is going to stop her. She learned from Alexis to never give up.

Julian says Brook doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He wouldn’t hurt his son. She says, maybe not, but he said he couldn’t trust his associate to hold up his end of the deal, and it was high stakes. Maybe Julian wanted Brad out of the way because he threatened to blow up the baby switch. It makes sense, and she wonders if anyone else would agree.

Trina tells Cameron that she’s got to get ready for the dance. He says, they’re going through all this to make Josslyn jealous, and she might not even be there. Trina says, it doesn’t matter. His mom and her dad will take a million pictures. They’ll post them, and when Josslyn sees, maybe she’ll be jealous.

Joss keeps repeating Aunt Josslyn to Wiley. Michael asks, besides teaching Wiley to talk, does she have anything fun going on tonight? She says the school has a mid-winter dance. She wasn’t going, but thinks she’s changed her mind. He says, good for her, and she says she has no date, but her friends are going, so they’ll hang out. He says he’s ridiculously proud of her, and she says, for going to a dance? That’s lame. He tells her, it’s not. Her courage and strength are going to be a big inspiration to her nephew.

Dustin tells Olivia, listen… but she suggests they keep the conversation about pizza. She says she needs to get to work, and he says he didn’t mean to throw extra work at her. She says she doesn’t mind. He did go out of his way to protect Josslyn. That makes him kind of a hero; the kind of guy who would sleep with her son’s ex-wife.

Ned asks if Olivia is okay? He’s guessing her conversation with Dustin was as uncomfortable as his conversation as his was with Brook. She says, that bad? and he says he supplied his daughter with tough love, and she supplied the rejection. Olivia says she’s sorry, and hugs him.

Julian says Brook has taken a random conversation, and twisted it into a conspiracy theory. It has zero basis in fact. Whatever Brad and Nelle did, is between them. Brook wonders what if she goes to Sonny with her theory, and Julian tells her go to whoever she wants. He didn’t do anything wrong. She says she wouldn’t want to admit her guilt either, and he asks what she wants. She says, maybe a small favor.

Alexis tells Sam, please don’t do this. Don’t make the situation even worse. She likes going out with Sam, and getting together with Sam and the kids. She doesn’t want the next place she visits Sam to be the penitentiary. Sam says if Delores wants to come between her and Jason, she’s coming between Delores and her job. Alexis asks if there’s nothing she can say to stop Sam, and Sam says, she will be with Jason again, no matter what.

Jason says, Nelle knows how to play the victim, and asks if the guard heard Carly. Carly says, no, and he asks if she threatened Nelle. She says, not exactly, and Jason says she’s smarter than this. Nelle is going to do what she can to bait Carly, and fighting will do no good in this situation. If she wants to help Michael, and keep Wiley as far away from Nelle as possible, she needs to keep her cool. She says she hates Nelle, and he says that’s what Nelle is counting on. She thinks she can play Carly, and Carly has to prove her wrong. He knows Carly would do anything for her kids, even control temper, and she needs to do that right now.

Josslyn thanks Michael for his words about strength and courage, but thinks he needs them now. He says he has everything he needs in Wiley, and she says, what about Nelle? What if she goes free, and seeks custody? He tells Josslyn not to worry about him. Wiley is there to stay, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure of that.

Nelle asks Chase if he thinks she wanted to kidnap her son. She just wanted to hold him. He asks if that’s her story, and she says, it’s not a story; it’s the truth. He asks how she explains these, and shows her the passports.

Tomorrow, Brook asks Julian if he’s going to help her or not, Elizabeth tells Nikolas that he mad his choices and has to live with them, and Taggert tells Sonny they have a mutual problem.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Outside Jeffrey’s bedroom door, David says, damn. Jeffrey says, oh no, and asks Madison how much he thinks his dad saw. Madison says, enough. He should go. Is Jeffrey okay? Jeffrey says, no. His dad just walked in on them. Madison says he’s not Jeffrey’s mother. He knows. Jeffrey says, knowing is one thing; seeing it is another. Madison says Jeffrey has to stop thinking being gay is such a bad thing. How would Jeffrey feel if he was a girl? Jeffrey says, embarrassed, but maybe not as embarrassed. Madison says, there you go, and Jeffrey says he’s got the point. Madison says Jeffrey’s dad is an open minded guy; just go with it. Jeffrey says, easier said than done. Madison says he’s going to go, but Jeffrey says, wait. He wants to go out for dinner. Madison says he works late, but Jeffrey can come by and they can get something in the cafeteria. Jeffrey says he wants a nice restaurant and dinner, and Madison says, Jeffrey wants a date. That should have come before the sex. Jeffrey jokes that he wants Madison to buy him dinner because he was so good. Madison says he’ll see Jeffrey later, and Jeffrey says he looks forward to it.

David paces downstairs. He hears the door, and sits on the couch pretending to read. Madison says, Mr. Harrington, and David says he didn’t know Madison was there, but doesn’t turn around. Madison says, it’s good to see him. David says, thanks, and Madison asks how his back is. He can take a look at it if David wants. David says, it’s fine, and Madison says, cool. He asks David if there’s something interesting in that book, and David asks if Madison is waiting for Jeffrey. Madison says, no, and David says, he’s leaving then? Madison says he is, and Davis asks why he’s still standing there. Madison says he’s trying to make David uncomfortable, and David asks what makes Madison think he is? Madison says he can see David blushing, and David says, please leave. Madison says, good seeing him, and trots out the door. Jeffrey comes down, and David says he was just going to the kitchen. Jeffrey asks if David wants to talk about what just happened. David asks if it’s okay if he doesn’t, and Jeffrey says, yeah. David says, good, and starts to walk to the kitchen. He comes back, and says he just didn’t expect to see that. Jeffrey says he knows. Talk to him later? David says, yeah, and starts to head upstairs. Jeffrey says he thought David was going to the kitchen, and David says, that’s right, and goes the other way.

Celine goes to Veronica’s house. Veronica asks if she’d like a drink, and says, it’s over on the desk. Celine says Veronica wants her to pour? and Veronica asks, how else would they have it? Celine pours two drinks, and asks what this is about. Why would Veronica want to help her? Veronica says, a maid with attitude; that should be a reality show. Celine says if Veronica’s not going to help her, she’s going to go, and Veronica tells her, calm down. Why has she been quiet? She has two children by that a-hole, but she’s been quiet. Celine says, she’s moving on, but Veronica says that’s not how they do it around there. If someone does something to them, they get them back. Celine says she just saw Jim at the hospital, and Veronica asks how he is. Celine says he’s the same jerk, and Veronica says she wants to sue him. She wants to get child support, and pain and suffering. She wants to make Jim pay for the years he abused Celine; she’ll be a rich bitch. Celine asks why Veronica wants to do that, and she says because she’s Veronica. She loves this kind of drama. Celine wonders what Jim did to her, and Veronica says she won’t stop, she won’t rest until the Cryers are broke, and on the street, begging like Celine had to. Is she in? Celine says she’ll have to think about it, but Veronica asks, what’s to think about? You could be rich, dumbass. Celine tells her, watch your mouth. She has reservations, and doesn’t trust Veronica. Veronica says Celine shouldn’t. She’s a cold-blooded bitch, but Celine is on her right side. Celine says Veronica is using her, and Veronica says she is. Otherwise, she couldn’t care less about Celine and her kids. Celine says she has to think about it, and Veronica says, don’t think too long. She’s trying to find the best way to get Jim, and she knows Celine is facing eviction. She knows Celine works two jobs. Her oldest son is in college, and her youngest should be in a private school. Celine tells Veronica not to pretend it’s about her, but Veronica says, no, it’s about me. What is Celine waiting for? Let’s do this. Celine thought it would be better to leave and move on, and Veronica says, what dumbass chick does that, when they have a man with money? Celine says she couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t sleep or eat, and decided it was for the best to let it go. Veronica says, praise God. Rest, and let her handle the heavy lifting. Celine says she has to go, and Veronica says, do something quickly. She’s always watching. Celine walks out, and Veronica asks herself, what kind of dumb bitch wouldn’t take advantage of this?

Charles looks through folder Oliver gave him, but says, it’s not the one. Landon produces another, and says, here, sir; highlighted in yellow. His call is in the living room. Charles goes to the phone, and Oliver asks if it makes Landon feel good, making him look bad. Landon says, actually, it did. Oliver says he can play that game too, and Landon says, not for much longer. Charles likes things a certain way. Oliver says, the Landon way. Landon suggests Oliver be careful. Charles comes back, looking for Landon. Landon tells him, the Attorney General is here, and Charles says, send him in. Landon says Charles should enjoy this, and Charles says he intends to.

The AG comes in, and Charles tells Oliver, that will be all. AG Kyle says he finally gets a chance to tell Charles congratulations on his victory. He knows how much Charles wanted to win. They make small talk, and Charles asks how Kyle’s wife is. Kyle says she’s his rock. He can’t tell Charles how important the right woman is in his life. He knows why Charles called him; to let him know he’s being replaced. He seems like the kind of guy who would need his own AG. Charles says, that’s usually how it’s done, but Kyle says, not always. Charles says, it is this time. Kyle gets up, thanks Charles for the visit, and walks out. Charles smiles, and I’m like, that’s it?

Hanna goes to the jail to see Kathryn, and asks how she is. Kathryn says, not good, and Hanna can understand that. Kathryn asks how Hanna is, and Hanna says she’s okay. Kathryn asks how Hanna got in, and Hanna says Marty is outside on the phone. Kathryn hopes he’s trying to get her bail, and Hanna tells her, hang in there. Kathryn says she’s trying. Wyatt calls to Hanna, and asks how she is. She says, all right, and he asks her to pray for him. She says she will, and he says he can’t believe what he did; he’s so sorry. He asks how his father is doing, and Hanna says, okay. He says, thank God. He asks if Hanna has seen him, and she says she did. Wyatt asks how he is, and she says, he had surgery, but he’s okay. They had a little altercation. Kathryn says, what? and Hanna says, when she thought heard Benny get shot over the phone, but he’s okay. Wyatt says, tell Benny he’s sorry, and Hanna says, if she sees him. Wyatt says, it was the drugs. He got the bad stuff. Hanna says, it’s all bad stuff, and he says he’s really sorry. His mom doesn’t believe him. Kathryn says, he’s right. He’s not being remorseful, and he’ll say anything to get out, but it’s not happening. Wyatt says, that’s not true. He really is sorry. A guard comes and opens Kathryn’s cell. He says, let’s go. As Hanna starts to follow, Wyatt asks her to pray for him again. She says, she will and she does.

In the visiting room, Kathryn asks if Hanna can believe this. Hanna says, it seems like a nightmare; she’s so sorry. Kathryn asks if Hanna doesn’t want to know if she did it, but Hanna thinks it’s best she doesn’t know. Kathryn says she’s probably right, and asks if Marty told Hanna why she’s there. Kathryn wants her to sign a statement. There’s no one she trusts, other than Hanna, to hold her estate. Everything; every dime. Hanna asks what she’s talking about, and Kathryn says she put all her assets in a trust, and she’s giving Hanna power of attorney. She’ll have total control of all Kathryn’s money and businesses. If she doesn’t, Kathryn can lose everything. Hanna doesn’t know, and Kathryn says she won’t have to do anything. The bills are paid through her account, and the interest covers everything else. It’s to make sure her assets are protected from law suits and Jim. She wouldn’t give him a strand of her hair, and she has no one else to turn to. Hanna has to help her. Hanna says, Lord Jesus, Father, Mother, God. Okay, but what does she do. Kathryn says she doesn’t have to do anything. Kathryn will call when she needs money. She doesn’t trust the SOBs working for her, and she needs someone in charge to make sure everything is protected. She asks if Candace has returned the money, and Hanna says she thinks Benny and Candace are on their way or at the bank. Kathryn says, Jim has nothing, and will be all over Candace. She has to give it back. Hanna says she wants Candace to return it, but she can’t make her do it, and Kathryn knows how she is. Kathryn says, if Candace returns the money, Jim will leave Benny alone. Hanna asks how Kathryn knows, and Kathryn laughs. She says, Jim has nothing. He’ll have to come to Hanna for permission to buy a candy bar. Hanna says she doesn’t want nothing to do with that man, but Kathryn asks if she doesn’t want to get a little revenge. Hanna says, so Kathryn is telling her, Jim will have to come to her… Kathryn says, for every dime. Hanna doesn’t like it. Well, maybe a little. Kathryn says, that’s the way Hanna can help. Hanna says, okay, and Kathryn asks Marty to bring the papers for Hanna to sign.

Mitch, Benny, and Candace are at the Iron Bone. Candace is on the phone, and Benny pokes at her, saying, she ain’t giving the money back. When she’s done, Benny says, so? She says, it’s all set. They’re going to the bank. He says, he’s not, but she says he is. He asks why she can’t be a smart person, take money, and run. She says she’s not doing that. She phones Hanna, and says they’re on their way to the bank right now. Benny is right next to her, and he’s going. Hanna wants to talk to Benny. She tells him, Jim is already mad as hell. Kathryn gave her power of attorney over the estate – all of it. Jim has to come to her for money. Benny says, damn, and she says, just until Kathryn is out of jail. She doesn’t want issues with that man, so make sure Candace gives back the money, and call when they’re done. When he’s finished, Candace says, so? Benny sips his drink.

Landon asks why Oliver just stood there. Oliver stammers, and Landon asks if he really wants this job. Oliver can start by being nice to him. Oliver says, it’s just… and Landon says, just what? It’s just that he’s an a-hole? Oliver says he won’t take this abuse. He didn’t do anything. Landon says Oliver did some things that pissed him off, and Oliver says Landon hired him because he spoke his mind. Landon says, a decision he regrets every day of his life. Oliver says, sorry, and Landon says, that’s better. Oliver says he means it. He’s been working hard to get close to Charles. Landon says he doesn’t need to get close to Charles, and Oliver says Landon is protective. Landon says, it’s his job, and Oliver says Landon has already made him out to look like a moron. Landon says Oliver did that himself, and Oliver asks Landon to try not to humiliate him in front of Charles. Landon says Oliver did it himself. Oliver suggests Landon fire him, and Landon asks if Oliver thinks he won’t. Does Oliver think because he has power from DC behind him, Landon won’t kick his ass onto the street? Get out of his face. Call his daddy, and ask how much money he can give Oliver. Oliver asks if that’s it. Because he comes from money, he’s not qualified. Landon says, no. Oliver didn’t have to work as hard and be good at his job. Oliver tells him, take that back, and Landon asks if he’s going to cry. Oliver says he’s been nice to Landon, which is confusing, since he really hasn’t been nice. He admits he can be an a-hole, and Landon tells him, be an a-hole someplace else. Goodbye. Oliver leaves, and Landon says, is he going to cry? There’s no crying in politics.

Candace asks what Hanna and Benny were talking about, and he says, Kathryn gave Hanna power of attorney over everything while she’s in jail. She was arrested for murder. Candace wonders, what the hell is going on? Benny doesn’t know, and right now, he doesn’t care. She says they’re going to the bank, and he says he’s going to the bathroom. She tells him, hurry. Mitch says Candace is plowed, and Candace asks what he’s talking about. He says, if her mom got power of attorney, he knows what she’s thinking. She says she’s not thinking that, and he says, good. Don’t do that; it’s not worth the risk to take it all. She says, the old Candace would have worked it out. All she knows is, if she doesn’t give the money back, they’ll come after Benny. He says, what if could assure her that they wouldn’t? She asks, how? and he says he’s a Malone, baby. He’s trying to give her options, and she has the entire estate. Think about it. She says she’s already thinking about it.

David visits Jim, who asks, what’s the matter? He knows the look on David’s face; something is wrong. David says he’s concerned about Jim, but Jim says, BS. David can tell him. David says he walked in on Jeffrey having sex. (The two of them look like they’re having a hard time keeping a straight face, and it’s hysterical.) David says he doesn’t mind that Jeffrey is gay, but he’s not ready to see it. He doesn’t mind if Jeffrey displays signs of affection with another male, but to see him in the act took the wind out of David. He loves his son; he’s just not ready. Jim says he understands, and so does Jeffrey. Is David okay? David says he needs a minute to get a mental adjustment. Jim laughs and says, sit down. David says he doesn’t want to talk about it, and Jim says, all right; he won’t ask. He says, Celine was there, and David says he knows. He going to tell Jim after he was feeling better. Jim says he told her to get her tight ass out. He wants her to suffer. David says he met with George about Veronica; he’s going to turn state’s evidence, and give George everything he has. They need to talk. He has immunity, and suggests Jim do the same. Jim says immunity is a slippery slope. It’s a dangerous tactic. David says, it will get Kathryn out of jail. Veronica is going to take the rap for Jennifer’s murder. He’s giving George all her dirty deals. Jim says, their fingerprints are on all those dirty deals, but David says, now, Veronica is going after Jeffrey. He has no other choice. Jim says he should have held Veronica under the water longer, but David says he can’t do that again. Jim says, let him do it. What if Veronica has an accident; not a fender bender, but a big accident, a catastrophe? David hopes he’s not talking domestic terrorism, but Jim says, if Veronica is in the wrong place at the wrong time, there’s bound to be collateral damage. He’s telling David, an immunity deal with George isn’t the way to go.

Veronica walks into Jim’s room, and David say, oh hell. Jim says, speak of the bitch devil herself. Veronica says speaking of Jim’s little penis, said everyone who’s ever taken a ride on it. He says they’ve never had sex, and she asks if he doesn’t remember that day. Jim says, it never happened, and she says he has a mole under his belly line; it’s not too cute. They did it another time when they were both drunk; remember? Jim says, it didn’t happen, and it’s more of a freckle. She says he might want to have it checked; it looked like cancer to her. He says he’s looking at cancer now. David tells her to get out, but she says she’s there to serve Jim. She hands him some papers, saying they’re from Celine, and he says he’s not touching them. She says Celine is suing him for back child support, sexual harassment, and a slew of other things. He asks if this little bitty case isn’t beneath her, and she says Celine will see a lot of money. She asks how David’s back is. Is he still burned? Jim says David should held her under longer. Doesn’t he know a cockroach can’t hold its breath that long? Veronica says Jim’s son shooting him is cold-blooded, and he asks if her son didn’t put a knife in her chest. David says, get out, and Jim suggests David pimp slap Veronica. Veronica says she’d love for him to try. Jim says he’s been served; get the hell out. Veronica tosses the papers on the bed, saying she’s served him, and his very disappointing little peepee. She leaves, and Jim says, David doesn’t believe her, does he? David says he does, but frankly, he doesn’t give a damn. Jim asks if he’s free to do what he wants to her now, and David says Jim has his permission and blessing. Jim says, excellent. He’ll show David how it’s done. David says, confession. He slept with Kathryn – on their wedding night. Jim says, somebody had to do it. Thank you. Ha-ha! It doesn’t get better than this.

Benny and Candace go to the bank, Benny complaining the whole time. Candace tells the officer that she has an account in a subsidiary bank, and asks if she can manage it from the parent branch. The officer says she can, and Candace says she was told online that she’d have to show her ID. Benny doesn’t want to give her his, saying giving back the money is the dumbest thing she’s ever done. The officer says she’ll be back with the paperwork. Benny says, the dude kidnapped him. Why is she giving the money back? She says, it’s the right thing, and he says he doesn’t get her. One day, she’s cold-blooded, beating a bitch down, and now she wants to give back the money. The officer comes back, and Candace signs the paperwork. Benny doesn’t want to hand over his ID, and the officer asks if he doesn’t want to open a new account. Benny says, no… and Candace says it will be a single account, only in Benny’s name, not joined with their mother. Benny says, this is stupid and crazy, and hands Candace his ID. She gives it to the officer, and the officer says she’s making a wire transfer for the new account. She’s wiring $8.25 to Jim – Candace says, exactly – and she’s transferring one million dollars to Benny’s account. Benny says, what? and he and Candace make faces at each other.

Next time – only one more episode until mid-season finale – Jim finds out he only got eight dollars, Candace and Mitch visit Jim, Justin can’t take it anymore, and Wyatt tries to kill himself.

Vanderpump Rules

Stassi visits Schwartz and Katie. Schwartz tells her that he’s worried about his lizard, Dog. Dog hasn’t eaten since he got him. We see a clip of him acquiring the lizard. In his interview, he calls Dog the newest member of the Schwartz family. He puts Dog on Stassi’s shoulder, and Stassi suggests Dog stay with her a while. She can breathe life into him. Katie says Tom was trying to make himself seem woke at the party, and Stassi says he really came at Brittany. He said she and Jax got rid of the pastor because of Lisa, not because they personally felt that way. Katie says, Brittany was sitting there sobbing.

11 days until the wedding. Brittany goes over the seating chart, and Jax says Tom is no longer in the bridal party. He hasn’t heard from Tom in four days, and if he was concerned, he would have called or texted. In Jax’s interview, he says he and Tom have been at odds for a while. Tom stopped responding to his texts, and didn’t come to his LA bachelor party. This time, he crossed the line. Jax tells Brittany, he doesn’t know if Tom is even invited to the wedding, but he’s definitely not in the wedding party. Jax isn’t mad about it. He’s going to stop at SUR before dinner, and if Tom admits he handled it wrong, he’ll be invited.

In Tom’s interview, he says the person he loves, Ariana, is bisexual, and the pastor was speaking out against the love of his life. He has questions, and he doesn’t think if he and Ariana were in the same position, Ariana’s answer would be to hit him. In Ariana’s interview, she says, Brittany’s approach was to tell Jax to knock Tom out. Brittany might say she’s living her version of a real life fairytale, but she doesn’t know any fairytales where the princess encourages the price to commit aggravated assault. Jax asks Brittany what she’s doing about Ariana, and Brittany thinks Ariana should come to her. In her interview, Brittany says there’s no way she wouldn’t have reached out by now. She respects their friendship more than Ariana does. She tells Jax, they’re supposed to be making wedding plans, and they’re only talking about Ariana and Tom. She wants to focus on the wedding, but she would never do that to somebody.

In Lala’s interview, she says she’s engaged to her soulmate Randall. He’s kind and generous, and on a daily basis, makes her feel like she’s the best person on the face of the earth. She tells Randall, this is their first and last home renovation. Randall says they’ll be there a long time. He tells her that she should move in already, and she agrees, but wants to finish the master bedroom first. In her interview, Lala says they gutted the entire house. She’s never doing this again. You couldn’t pay her. Randall says they’re close, and Lala says if they ever decide to move, they’re doing what Jax and Brittany did; a turnkey. He says Jax has been texting him non-stop. He thinks they get along because he’s closest to Jax’s age. They have fun and laugh together. Lala says it sounds like a girlfriend, and Randall says Jax was upset about what Tom said, and Lala says, it was effing bad. She doesn’t see it going away any time soon, unless Tom deeply apologizes, and he’s incapable of that. Randall says, they’re best friends; they’ll work it out. Lala says they’ll find out tonight.

Brett goes to Villa Rosa, and Lisa says he’s going to hate her, but her foot still hurts. He says she’s wearing heels, and she says her leg would have to be broken for her not to. She invites Brett in, and asks if he wants some tea. In Brett’s interview, he says when he goes to train Lisa, sometimes they don’t train. He’d cool with that, as long as he gets paid. If he gets his hourly rate, he’ll do whatever she wants. A producer says, whatever? and he says he shouldn’t say it that way. She asks if Brett is working tonight, and he says he’s working Charli, one of the new girls at SUR. In his interview, he says he and Charli have gone out a couple of times. He likes brunettes. Lisa wonders if he can’t date outside of her businesses. He tells Lisa that Scheana makes you coddle her, and he doesn’t have those feelings. Friends is where it ends. Lisa says, Scheana only hears what she wants to hear.

Schwartz and Katie hang out at TomTom. Schwartz says he’s hurt; he was the last person to find out that Max and Dayna are exclusive. At SUR, Dayna tells Raquel that she and Max are exclusive. He brought it up and she was caught off-guard. She didn’t know they were there yet. Max wonders what exclusive really means, and Schwartz says, it’s not putting your wiener in other vaginas. In Max’s interview, he says it’s basically making someone a priority. You care about them, and they’re your plus one. He thinks Dayna might be taking it more seriously, which is okay. He tells Schwartz, he loves Dayna, but he also loves single Max.

Tom is working behind the SUR bar with Ariana, when Jax asks to talk to him outside before they get busy. They go out back, and Tom asks, what’s up? Jax asks if Tom has anything to tell him. Does he have anything to say after what happened, like, I’m sorry or it was wrong of me? Anything like that? He and Brittany found out their pastor lied, and they took care of it. Problem solved. In Tom’s interview, he says he’s glad Lisa said something, but leading up to this point, Jax and Brittany were intentionally ignoring it. Tom says, in the past… and Jax says, now it starts. Tom says, the only people who don’t like the past brought up are hypocrites and people with bad credit. I wonder where on earth he got that one from. In Jax’s interview, he says Tom will never tuck his tail. He’ll never apologize without a but. Jax asks Tom if it’s worth it in the big picture, to see his best friend upset on his wedding day. Tom says that’s why he brought it up at the party. Jax says it seemed like a dig, if not sabotage. Why can’t Tom just say he’s sorry? He was waiting for a text. All Tom would have had to say is sorry, and it would have been done. he doesn’t understand why Tom is putting him in this position on the one day that’s his. In Tom’s interview, he says, it feels like it’s been Jax’s day for over a year. Tom tells Jax, if he wants friends who never question him, and always agree with him, that’s never going to be him. Jax says the only person he has a problem with is Tom, and he won’t have that at his own wedding. He can’t believe it’s a week and a half before, but he can’t have his wedding upset because of Tom. In his interview, Tom says Jax thinks he’s making him feel small, but he doesn’t know what else he could have done. Jax tells Tom, he said what had to say. He says, have a good one, and leaves.

Brett asks Charli how the night is going, and if she wants to have dinner with him. In Charli’s interview, she says Brett is nothing like the guys she’s dated, who she likes to call rough boys. But a millionaire she met once told her to say yes to everything once. It keeps people guessing about the second and third time. She says she’ll check her calendar, but thinks she can squeeze him in.

Randall and Lala meet Jax and Brittany for dinner. Jax and Brittany get to the restaurant first, and Jax tells Brittany that he’s been burned by Tom multiple times. Tom has burned multiple bridges. Lala and Randall join them, and Jax says he needs tequila asap. Randall says, Jax came in hot, and Jax says he went to SUR. Tom is no longer in the wedding party. He’s not even inviting Tom. All Tom had to do was text. He knew Jax was upset about it, but he wants to be an investigator, and figure out the issue. He should figure out his girlfriend’s issue, like what sex she is, since it changes every day. Brittany says she’s okay with being asked a question, but it was the way he did it. Jax tells her to stop making excuses; she’s spinning things. She says, despite that, whatever Jax’s decision was, she was always going to support it. He and Tom have been friends for twenty years. Randall says, at the end of the day, it’s their wedding. They have to clear their heads. Randall goes to the bathroom (after asking Lala if it’s okay – she has him well trained). Brittany asks what Lala would do about Ariana, and Lala says she thinks Ariana is a wet blanket. She wouldn’t want Ariana at her wedding. In Lala’s interview, she says, there are two versions of Ariana; the fun chick, twerking on you, and on the other side, the one who’s not happy for her friends. We flash back to both. She says, Ariana and Tom live on their high horse together, when they all want to cut both of them. Jax says he’d originally wanted to have Randall in the wedding, but thought he’d be in production. Randall comes back, and Jax says he could not have been more wrong about somebody in his life if he tried. In Jax’s interview, he says, Randall is a giver. He’s flown them everywhere, and they became friends naturally. Jax says he has something to ask Randall, and gets down on one knee. He asks if Randall will do him the honor of being in the wedding. He knows it’s last minute. Randall says he’s speechless, and in shock. He loves Jax. 100%, he’ll be there, Brittany squeals, and Randall and Jax hug.

At TomTom, Beau asks how Tom is feeling, and Tom says he’s chilling. He talked to Jax, and it didn’t go well. He needs to talk to Schwartz real quick. He leaves, and Katie asks, what happened? Ariana says, Jax came in heated, and now Tom isn’t invited to the wedding. In Katie’s interview, she says it’s Jax’s wedding, and he can cry if he wants too, but she thinks he took it too far. At the bar, Tom tells Schwartz about not being invited to the wedding. Beau asks Ariana if she’s still going, but she doesn’t know. She wants to see them married and happy, but doesn’t know if she’ll be comfortable without Tom. In her interview, Ariana says she feels like it would be an admission it’s okay that Tom’s not there. If she stays in LA, she’s not there to support Brittany, and gets the wrath of the hot one (I guess she means Kristen?). Either way, she’s screwed. Ariana says she’s not telling Tom to claw his way back in. Schwartz asks Tom why he doesn’t reach out and say the timing was off. Tom says, somebody turned a blind eye to it, because he wants to make his point more than anything. Schwartz says he came at it accusatory; his tactics aren’t good. Tom agrees he’s not perfect, and he screwed up. Schwartz says he’s devastated. They’re getting the tuxes tomorrow, and it won’t feel right without Tom. He feels like he should make a case, but Tom says, it’s not worth it. Schwartz says, don’t say that again, and Tom says, just be the best man. Schwartz says he doesn’t know how, and Tom says he’ll show Schwartz. Schwartz cries, and I roll my eyes. Then Tom cries, and I roll my eyes harder. Tom says he’ll hook Schwartz up with a survival kit for the wedding. Wear it, and Tom will be there in spirit. Schwartz says, it doesn’t feel right. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he remembers how special it was to have Jax and Tom up there with him at his own wedding. To think that Tom isn’t going to be there… He feels gutted. He says he doesn’t know how to tie a bow tie, and Tom says he’ll tie them. Tom says he loves Schwartz and Jax. Schwartz says Tom is the best, even though sometimes his tactics are wrong. He feels terrible.

Scheana calls Brett from the car. She says she was getting ingredients for making enchiladas, and asks what he’s doing tonight. He says he has a date with Charli, and Scheana says they’re friends. It’s weird, since Brett had said he’s not attracted to her, and she does her makeup bad. Brett says Scheana is putting words in his mouth, and she says she thinks he and Charli would be better as friends. Charli is a lot younger, and he should date someone more mature, not like an adorable club rat. In Scheana’s interview, she says she can’t see them together. Physically, but not personality wise. Brett says he’d like to get to know Charli better, and Scheana says they’re all getting to know each other. I wonder who Scheana thinks she’s kidding, besides herself. She’s so transparent about being jealous.

10 days until the wedding. The guys in the wedding party, sans nuRandall, stop by Jax’s house. Jax tells Brittany, they got their suits. In Jax’s interview, he says he got to choose the suits, but not really. Brittany gave him two options, and said she didn’t like one of them. Ariana comes by, and tells the guys, it’s her birthday on Friday, and everyone is invited. She goes upstairs with Brittany, who thanks her for coming, and they sit in the bedroom. In Brittany’s interview, she says she likes Ariana, but sometimes she puts up a wall. She doesn’t want Ariana to drift away. Brittany says there was a lot of drama and it hurt her feelings that no one reached out. Ariana says she wanted Jax to hit Tom. Brittany says she was upset. Tom knows who they are. Ariana says he knows their hearts, but he was horrified by what the guy was saying. He was afraid the guy would be at the wedding if it didn’t come back up. Brittany says they would have gotten rid of him months ago if she had seen it. In Ariana’s interview, she says she believes Brittany, but thinks Brittany works hard at maintaining her ignorance. Brittany says it was blown out of proportion, but she was feeling hurt. Downstairs, Schwartz tells Jax that Tom was crying. Jax says, Tom cries if it’s sunny outside and there’s a dog. Schwartz asks if Jax is sure he wants Tom disinvited? Jax says Randall is standing in for him. In his interview, Schwartz says, it’s so final now. I’m laughing because both Tom and Schwartz thought Schwartz would automatically go up a notch. Brittany asks what Ariana is thinking, and Ariana says she’d like to be there for Brittany, but it will be so weird and uncomfortable. Brittany says she would hope, as a friend, Ariana would come. Ariana is a bridesmaid, not just a guest; it’s a big deal. In her interview, Ariana says she deals with mental health issues, and it doesn’t help that her friends are creating more stress. Brittany says it’s tearing her up inside. She needs to know soon, so she doesn’t stress about it.

Charli meets Brett at a really empty restaurant, and they get smoothies. In her interview, Charli, who’s Mexican, calls them white people sh*t. She tells Brett that she just tried an avocado, and she’s never had pasta. In Brett’s interview, he says he’s Italian, and they eat pasta with a spoon. She finds out he was born in New Jersey, and asks if he goes back a lot. He says he’s only been in LA two months. He always wanted to live there. He left after a five-year relationship ended. It was the only relationship he’s had. In Charli’s interview, she says, any guy who brings his ex up on a first date – bye. Get over it, bro. She asks what he looks for in a girl, and he says, when you look at someone, and feel like you’re home; genuinity (which is not a word). He tells her that Scheana called him, and was mad that they were having lunch, and said she didn’t know who Charli was. Charli says she doesn’t take someone’s guy.

Brittany and Jax go to Villa Rosa. Jax says he’s usually not called to the principal’s office. Puffy! Lisa comes in, and says she has to make it brief, but wanted to talk about a couple of things. She knows the pastor thing got complicated, but she wants them to promise to focus on their wedding. The second thing. She doesn’t think she can come to their wedding. She starts to cry, and says her mother died. Brittany says she’s so sorry. In Lisa’s interview, she says her mother suddenly passing is a shock. She doesn’t think anyone was prepared. She just lost her brother, and to lose her mother like that… She tells Brittany and Jax that she has to go to London. It was unexpected, and no one else knows. She tells them to get their priorities straight; life is short. Don’t worry about what anyone said. Jax hugs her, and in his interview, he says he feels awful. Losing a parent is the worst thing you can go through in your entire life. Brittany says she’s so sorry, and thanks Lisa for being so supportive. Outside, Jax says he has nothing to say. The little things aren’t worth it. He took care of a family member and a best friend. What next?

Schwartz schmoozes at TomTom. At SUR, Dayna calls Max, and asks if he can hang out. he says he’s going to be there until 3 or 4. He can come over after. She says, it sounds like a booty call. She thinks she’ll pass. It’s nothing scary. In her interview, she says Max isn’t prioritizing her like she expected. It feels like once he put it out there that they have a relationship, it sent things in the other direction. Tom tells Schwartz he thinks Lisa could use a vacation, and Schwartz says he thinks Tom can use one. Randall is standing in his place. In Tom’s interview, he says he’s known Jax 20 years, and Jax has known Randall for five minutes. It hurts. Jax’s dad passed away last year, this year he’s getting married, and next year, Brittany will be pregnant. He’s tired of walking on eggshells, while Jax does what he wants. Schwartz says Jax can be a pain in the ass, but he wishes Tom had just killed it.

Ariana hangs out at TomTom with Lala and Stassi. Lala asks, what’s going on with the wedding? and Stassi says, even if they’re not getting along, Tom deserves to be there. Lala says, it’s a big deal to ask someone to be in a wedding. Stassi wishes Ariana and Tom would just roll over and say, sorry. In Ariana’s interview, she says her friends are more concerned with what she’s supposed to do than the personal dilemma she’s faced with. Stassi says they’re like a dysfunctional family, and she doesn’t like when another family member doesn’t want to be a part of the family. Lala says it doesn’t seem like Ariana enjoys being with them. Ariana says she doesn’t enjoy much. On the way home, she often considers driving off a bridge, but she doesn’t talk about it. She doesn’t want to be a downer. We flash back to several times when Ariana’s been called a downer. Stassi says she’s been there, and in her interview, says she’s struggled with depression and anxiety. She was at a place in a hole where she didn’t want to live, when there was nothing that should have been making her feel that low. And you can’t really explain it. In Lala’s interview, she says it breaks her heart. She gets it; she’s been there. We flash back to when her dad died. She says she had no idea these were Ariana’s thoughts, or she would have done something. Lala thinks Ariana should talk about it, and Ariana says she’s so miserable, she would probably ruin the wedding. She’s emotionally unstable. Lala says it’s a bigger deal than she was thinking. Talk to her. Ariana says she doesn’t want to be a victim or a martyr.

Tom sends a text to Jax, saying he’s sad he won’t be there on Jax’s big day. Ariana sits with him. She’s crying, and says she doesn’t want to seem mean, but people tell her it’s a safe space and to talk to them, but she doesn’t think they’re safe to talk to. He says, talk to him, and she tells him, they said they should just roll over do what Jax and Brittany want. She can’t do this anymore. In her interview, she says she feels like she’s outside herself. Tom shows her the text he sent Jax, and reads that he’s sorry it’s so close to the wedding, and he hates seeing Jax upset. Ariana says she just wants to get in a car, drive away, and never come back. Never see anyone, and start a new life. Tom says he knows, and she says he doesn’t know. (I hate when people say that, or I understand, when it’s obviously not possible.) She says she wants to leave her life. In Tom’s interview, he says he’s seen her this low before, but it’s very rare. it weighs on him a lot because he loves her and wants to see her happy. He does what he can, but he feels powerless sometimes. Ariana says her friends don’t care who she is as a person; they don’t see her. People think she’s cold as effing hell. He says he sees her, and wouldn’t have her any other way.

Next time, the wedding weekend, Charli argues with Brett, Raquel tells the girls that she got a million texts from James, and James threatens to leave. Now there’s a great loss.

🥂 Let’s Hope So…

If there was any more, my eyeballs would have fallen out of my head.

February 18, 2020 – Nelle Crashes the Party, Someone Is Waiting For Justin, a Pastor Is Replaced By NSYNC & Dawn


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Sasha asks what Michael is doing out on the terrace, and he says he was taking a break. She says she can go back in, but he says he never needs a break from her. She asks what’s on his mind, and he tells her that he said all the right, supportive things, and meant them, but Brad and Lucas leaving is hitting him hard. Sasha says he’s going to miss Wiley, and he says he’s going to miss that little guy more than he imagined.

Julian arrives at Sonny’s, and says he’s sorry; Leo couldn’t make it. Bobbie says, Brand and Lucas called, and Wiley isn’t going to make it either. She can’t believe the just got Lucas back, and he’s moving across the country.

On the phone, Nelle asks about first class tickets to Buenos Aires for Barbara Langdon and her son William. She asks when their flight leaves, and says, in a few hours? Good thing she travels light. Sam is standing there, and asks if Nelle is going somewhere.

At Chase and Willow’s place, Brad tells Willow that Wiley should be good to sleep another hour, and she says she’ll call if Wiley’s sniffles get worse. Chase comes in, and asks, what’s going on? Brad says they’re having a going away party, but Wiley has a cold, and Willow was kind enough to babysit. Willow says, it’s a treat, spending extra time with Wiley before they move. Brad says he’d better get going, and leaves. Chase asks, what’s up with that guy? Willow doesn’t know, but thinks she still makes Brad nervous. He’s antsy around her. Chase asks how she feels about the move, and she says, Lucas cushioned the blow. He asked her to be Wiley’s designated guardian if something happens to him and Brad. Chase says, wow. That’s a big ask, and she says she was stunned. She assumed they’d ask Michael, but she’s thought about it, and she’s accepted.

Anna sees Finn at the MetroCourt, and asks if he got her text. He says, it’s been a hectic morning, and she says she understands; it’s a new environment. She asks how Violet is, and he says, good. She loves room service. He asks how Anna is, and she says she didn’t sleep. She sleeps much better when he’s there. Does he have any idea when that might be? He says he’s not sure, and she asks if they can talk. He says he’d like that. Peter comes out of the elevator, and says, sorry he’s late. Anna is glad he could make it, and he asks if Finn is joining them.

Curtis sees Taggert at Kelly’s counter. He says, Taggert. Or would he prefer Marcus? Taggert says, Taggert is fine, which is good, since it’s what I call him. Curtis asks if Taggert has a minute. He thinks it’s time they get to know each other a little better.

TJ asks Jordan if she’s got a minute, and she asks what brings him by. He says she has something he needs, and it’s vitally important.

Jason tells Sonny it’s been confirmed that Cyrus brought in a shipment, and they can get to it.

Sam says Nelle knows she’s on parole, and if she leaves, she has to tell her parole officer. Nelle says, of course (🍷) parole restrictions would be on Sam’s mind. She must be getting restless, not being able to see Jason. Sam says she actually thinks it’s a good idea, and hints she might tip someone off about Nelle. Nelle says all Sam heard is that she’s moving out of the Quartermaine mansion. And when she’s out, Michael will never have to see her again.

Willow tells Chase, it’s just a precaution. No one expects Wiley to be with her ever. Chase says, of course (🍷), and she asks if he thinks they made the wrong decision, and should have asked Michael. He asks, who would be the best choice? If Brad and Lucas died, would Wiley be better of with Michael or her?

Julian asks if Sonny is there, and Carly says he’s not sure if he’s going to make it. Julian says, too bad, and she says he’s there because Brad wanted him there, and Lucas didn’t object. He thanks her for the red carpet treatment. They agreed to be civil for Brad and Lucas’s sake.

Sasha knows how much Michael loves seeing Wiley, but he said there’s an ELQ office in Portland, and Wiley will probably be back for big holidays. Michael says he told himself that, but it’s not the same as seeing Wiley, and Wiley being there day to day. Wiley’s got two good dads, and doesn’t need him, but life be a little empty without him. Sasha hugs Michael.

Sam asks what Nelle means, and Nelle says, isn’t that what everyone wants? For her to leave forever, and leave Michael alone? Sam says, no argument there, and Nelle says, that’s what she’s saying. She’s leaving them all behind, including Sam. Nelle says, chow, roomie, and leaves.

Anna tells Finn, she arranged lunch with Peter; does he want to have dinner together? Finn says he’s working, and really should get back. He tells them, enjoy their lunch, and jets. Peter says, something happened, didn’t it? and Anna says they had a little disagreement. Peter says he saw Finn with Violet there last night, and knows they checked in. It wasn’t just a disagreement, was it? Was it about him? It was, wasn’t it?

Anna says there’s something she’d like to ask Peter, and she’d love it if he was honest. Peter says, okay, and she asks if he’s the one who made the Attorney General aware of Robert’s deal with Jason. He says, yes, and she thanks him for being honest. She asks, why? and he says, as long the deal was in place, Jason’s sole purpose and all of his focus would be on taking him down. Jason hates him, and he’s dangerous. She says, Jason doesn’t take action without reason. He’s careful and methodical. She asks if Peter is worried that Jason is going to find out the truth.

Nelle overhears Sam talking about the bon voyage party.

Taggert asks Curtis, what’s up? and Curtis says he heard Taggert was married when he worked with Jordan. Jordan said Taggert’s wife was still in Port Charles, and he wonders if that’s why Taggert came back to Port Charles. Taggert says they’ve been divorced for a while. Curtis says, sorry. He knows when you work under cover, it can be brutal on a relationship. Taggert says Curtis got addicted to cocaine, and lost his badge.

Sasha says she’s sorry Wiley couldn’t make it, and asks if she and Michael could stop by later. Lucas says, sure, if they don’t mind seeing an apartment full of boxes. Michael says Spinelli made a cheat sheet of the best parks and kid-friendly restaurants. Julian asks if they need a ride to the airport, but Bobbie says she and Carly want to take them. Carly tells Bobbie, nice save. The sooner they get Brad and Lucas away from Julian, the better.

Jason gives Sonny an address, and says, it’s a warehouse. It’s isolated, in close proximity to the industrial piers with access to the highway. There’s been a lot of activity there lately, and the deed changed hands, despite it not being on the market. He checked with Lucy. A distributing company just offloaded from a ship from Seattle there. He asks what Sonny wants to do, and Sonny says, respond, but it will be tough. Neither the cops or Cyrus can see it coming.

TJ hopes Jordan is careful, and she says she always is. She hopes he is too, and he says he is. He knows she’s not technically in the line of fire, but he knows she likes being where the action is. She says, sometimes too much. She basically abandoned him when she was under cover. He says they already went over this, and tells her, don’t beat herself up about it. He understands her choice; she wanted him safe. He’s over it now, and it taught him to never take for granted how much she means to him. She says she’s not going anywhere, and he says, especially until after she gives him the ring. She says that’s why he came by. It’s in her desk; she thought he forgot. He says, not a chance. She gives him the ring, and says good thing she has it.

Willow tells Chase, it’s just a formality; there’s no need to stress. Chase says, it could become real at  any time, and she asks if he thinks she should think it through. He says, isn’t that what she’s doing? She says, Michael would be the perfect guardian. He’s thoughtful, patient, level-headed, and richer than God. Chase says, that’s not necessarily an advantage. In his experience, the Quartermaines are living proof that money doesn’t buy happiness. Willow says she knows Michael can give Wiley a good life, but she can too. Not the same life, but still good. It comes down who Brad and Lucas wanted, and they chose her. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Finn, who says he doesn’t want to interrupt. Willow asks how Violet is, and he says, good. He found out she really likes room service. They’ve moved out of Anna’s house. Chase asks, why? and Finn says, because he left Anna.

Curtis says Taggert seems to know more about him than he knows about Taggert. Starting with why he’s there. Taggert says, checking on a friend. That’s all he and Jordan are; old friends and former colleagues. Curtis has the wrong idea if he’s thinking it’s something else. Curtis says he got the idea when they first met and Taggert lied. First about how long he’d been in Port Charles, and then about when he said he and Jordan connected. He’s beginning to wonder why.

Jordan says the ring is all his, and TJ thanks her, saying, it means a lot. He asks if she’s sure she doesn’t mind, and she says she’s proud of him. His dad would be too. So he’s really doing this, finally. He says he wanted to months ago, but the timing wasn’t right. Then Alexis was attacked, and the holidays came. She says, the silver lining is, she got the ring sized for Molly. She gets a call that there’s a DOA on Pier 55; another OD. She tells TJ that she’s got to go, and he tells her, be careful. She says she plans to dance all night at his wedding. He says he still has to ask Molly, but Jordan says, Molly is super smart. She’ll say yes. TJ leaves, and Jordan gets her gun, and follows.

Chase says, Finn left Anna? It’s unexpected. Finn says he doesn’t mean he left her. He moved out, but he and Violet are staying at the MetroCourt. Willow extracts herself from the awkwardness by saying she’ll check on Wiley. Chase tells Finn, sit and talk to him. Finn guesses he could say they had a fight, and Chase says, all couples fight. Finn says he knows, but with Anna, they have a tendency to pull apart when they should pull together, and hold back when they should be trusting each other. They don’t communicate well sometimes, and he took Violet and left. Chase says, for good?

Peter says he told Anna that he had nothing to do with the attempt on Andre’s life. She says, sorry. She has to ask again. She put everything on the line for him, and needs to know. He already owned up to blocking Robert; what else is he not telling her? He takes it Finn moved out because Finn thinks he’s guilty. She has Robert to thank for that. He’s sorry, but Robert is using him to break Anna and Finn up. Maybe it was his goal all along. Anna says, Finn knows his own mind, and they’re not breaking up. They’re taking time. He says, whatever Robert told Finn was wrong. He had nothing to do with David Black. The only connection between Black, Andre, Franco, Drew, and Jason, is Faison, not him.

Carly says, Spinelli raved about the Portland Zoo; Wiley is going to love it. Bobbie says, the coffee is good too, and Lucas says they don’t have to pretend to be happy. He knows they’re going to miss him, and he’s going to miss them. Carly hopes once they settle in, he won’t miss them. It’s an exciting time. They’ll have to find a playgroup for Wiley, and network with parents. Her phone rings, and she says she’ll be right back. She goes to the door, saying, what the hell happened? No. They did the right thing. She opens the door, and Nelle is there with one of the guards. She asks what the hell Nelle is doing there, and Nelle says she heard there was a party.

Chase says Finn and Anna have a fight and can’t communicate, so he grabs his kid and moves out? It sounds like it’s over. Finn says, when Chase says it like that… Chase says, make him understand, and Finn tells him not to do the interrogation thing. Chase says he thinks Anna is good for Finn, especially now that he has Violet. Finn says, that’s why he’s doing this, and Chase asks if Anna has a problem with Violet, but Finn says he doesn’t think Violet is safe that house. Chase asks if it’s because Anna is with the WSB, and Finn says, it’s something to consider. There’s always a possibility of retaliation, but Chase says, that can happen with any law enforcement position, but it’s extremely rare, and Faison is dead. Finn says, Faison’s son is alive, and happens to be Anna’s son. He doesn’t trust Peter.

Jason tells Sonny, the cargo is easily worth a million dollars, and Sonny says, losing a shipment is a big blow. People don’t like losing money, and tend to screw up. Jason says, they still have product in Seattle, and Sonny says, the best case scenario is that someone gets to Cyrus inside of Pentenville; end of story. But he’s not counting on the best case scenario.

At the pier, Jordan ask an officer what they have. He says, an OD, and she asks if there’s any identification. He says they ran a driver’s license, and the OD is Mark Simon. He’s from New Hampshire, and they’re checking for any priors. Jordan is visibly upset.

Taggert tells Curtis, this is a discussion he should have with his wife, but Curtis says, he’s asking Taggert. Taggert’s phone rings. It’s Jordan, and he asks, what’s up? She says, Pier 55. Get there now. He says he’s on his way. He tells Curtis, good conversation. See him around.

Peter tells Anna that he’s finally out from under his father’s thumb. He has a successful career, he’s helping raise a son with the woman he loves, and he’s finally building a relationship with his mother. He never dared imagine it, and he’d never jeopardize the happiness he’s found, or disappoint the people he loves. She says she’s glad he turned his life around. Building a relationship with him is a gift. He says, even if it means losing Finn? Her phone rings, and she says she has to take it. He says, of course (🍷), and she steps away.

At the MetroCourt, Molly tells Sam, sorry she’s late. Sam asks why she’s frazzled, and Molly says she’s exhausted over wedding plans. Her friend Jamie is a Bridezilla. She used to be all granola and save the planet; now Molly barely recognizes her. She gets a daily barrage of emails about dresses, a spa getaway, and dance lessons for the wedding. Sam says, right, Jamie, and Molly asks what Sam thought she was talking about. TJ approaches their table, and says, a sister’s lunch. Sam says they were just chatting. He can have her seat; she has to get going. He says he didn’t mean to intrude, but Sam says he didn’t; he’s practically family. Unless he has some big news. TJ asks if something happened, and Molly says, just Jamie, driving her crazier than she already is. Sam says, that’s it then? She tells TJ, take a seat. She’s heading to Carly’s. He sits.

As Sam goes past, Peter asks if she’s going to sit down with one of his reporters. She asks why she’d do that, and he says they’re doing a piece on the early release of prisoners from Pentenville. He can sympathize with the challenges of overcoming negative stereotypes and expectations. She thanks him for his concern, but she’s going to save her comments for when the truth comes out, and justice is served. And the truth always comes out.

Carly asks the guard where he found Nelle, and he says, she was lurking by the front gate. She tells Nelle that she’s not welcome there, and Nelle says her best friend is moving. She yells to Brad, asking if he’s going to let his sister-in-law strongarm her after everything they’ve been through. Brad comes out, and asks what she’s doing there. She says she came to say goodbye. They’ve been good friends, and she couldn’t let him leave without closure. He asks for a moment with his friend, and Carly wonders if now is the time, but he says Nelle is already there. He asks if they can lose the bodyguard. Carly thanks the guard, and he leaves. She tells Brad, don’t take long. When she’s gone, Brad asks what the hell Nelle is thinking, and she says she wanted to say goodbye to her son. Where is he?

TJ tells Molly that he wants to take her to the new vegan restaurant on Valentine’s Day. She says, it’s nearly impossible to get reservations, and it’s crazy expensive. He kisses her hand, and says she’s worth it. She tells him that he’s sweet, but she just feels uncomfortable spending so much on one night. Jamie has been sucked into the wedding vortex, one more over-commercialized, complicated exercise in hyper-consumerism. Getting things you don’t need from a registry you imposed on guests. Who needs that?   

Anna tells Peter, Robin sends her regards. He says Anna has an amazing daughter. She takes after her mother. Anna says Robin has surpassed her, and he says Anna is the strongest woman he knows. Anna says she thought so too.

Finn tells Chase, he’d do anything to protect Violet from a threat. He came home early, and she and Peter were playing superheroes. Peter was the villain, and he was attacking Violet. He knew it was pretend, but when he saw them… Chase says, fatherly instinct, and Finn says he doesn’t buy that Peter is as reformed as he claims. Anna does, and Violet is caught in the middle. She’s attached to Anna. This morning, Violet asked when they’re going home, and he didn’t know what to say. Willow comes back, and says, sorry; she left her phone. Chase tells Finn to ask Willow, and Finn says, in her professional opinion, what should he say when Violet asks when they’re going to see Anna again. Willow tells him, be truthful, and only tell her what he’s sure of. Finn says he’s not sure of much.

Taggert arrives at the pier, and asks Jordan, what’s up? Who’s the DOA? She says, Mark Simon, and he says, how? She says, a presumed overdose. She wants to see the toxicology report, and find out if it’s the same as Bob’s. He says, Mark is from Vermont, and she says, New Hampshire. Taggert wonders how he got there, and she says she called to warn him. She told him about suspecting Bob was murdered, and he said he was on his way there. Taggert says, now he’s dead, and she says she shouldn’t have called. Taggert says, they would have gotten to him anyway. She says, this is no coincidence, and he says, this is about Cyrus. He was busted by a four member team. Now two of them are dead. Jordan wonders how Mark got identified. They were in deep cover. How did they get exposed?

Nelle asks Brad if Wiley is upstairs; she knows the back way to the nursery. Brad says, Wiley has a cold, and Willow is watching him at her place. Why he gives her this information, is beyond my comprehension. She asks if he thinks that’s healthy; leaving Wiley with the woman who thinks she’s his mother. He says they’ll be out of her life, unless she makes Lucas suspicious, and blows things up at the eleventh hour. Is that what she wants? If not, leave. She guesses she has no choice, and walks out. Brad leans against the door for a moment, and goes back into the living room. He says, sorry, everyone, and Lucas asks what Nelle wanted. Carly says, she claimed she wanted to say goodbye, but Brad says he didn’t think she knew there was a party. Carly thinks Nelle just came there to get under her skin, and the party was just an excuse. Michael suggests they don’t give Nelle the power to derail the celebration. Brad and Lucas are moving, and they have everything they want; a happy marriage and a beautiful son. Lucas begins to remember the conversation before the accident. He says, Brad? and Brad says, what? Sam comes in, and apologizes for being late. She says she let herself in, and Carly says the guard was busy getting rid of Nelle. I thought Sonny doubled the security. She says, Nelle was there? and Carly says, she just left. Michael says, they’re not going to let Nelle ruin the party, and Bobbie says, Portland is a wonderful city; a bit rainy for her taste though. Sasha says she and Michael saw a waterproof boot and umbrella set; they’ll get it for Wiley. Lucas says, Wiley won’t touch the umbrella, and Brad says, he’s a puddle man. Lucas thanks Michael for loving and taking care of Wiley. He was a good choice for godfather. Michael says, everything changes when Wiley is with him, and Lucas flashes back to Brad saying he wanted Wiley too much. Julian asks if Lucas is okay, and Lucas says he thinks he’s remembering something from the night of the crash.

Anna tells Peter, she used to call her house the Fortress of Solitude, but the thought of going home without Finn’s books scattered all over, and Violet coming out in a superhero costume, makes her pristine fortress seem cold and empty. Peter asks if she doesn’t think they’ll work it out, and she says she hopes so. She can’t imagine living without him.

Finn tells Chase, he and Anna may never agree about Peter, but he can’t imagine her giving up on him. Chase says Peter must have unpaid parking tickets. He can throw Peter in a holding cell. Finn looks at him, and he says, sorry. If Finn has to choose between Anna and keeping Violet safe… Finn says, it’s clear. His daughter comes first.

Jordan tells Taggert, the body is at the morgue, and they’re starting the autopsy. What does he want to bet it’s the same as Bob’s. He says, two down; two to go, and she says, they’re next. He says they’re going to be all right; they’ve got this. Partners for life. He holds her, and she says they’ll talk soon. Stay safe. He says, her too, and they leave. Curtis watches from the top of some stairs.

Sonny tells Jason, they’re sending a message. Not just to Cyrus, but his suppliers. They don’t need to come through Port Charles. It’s got it be clean. The cops can’t know it’s them; there can’t be evidence. Understand? Jason straps a gun to his ankle, and zips up his bag. He says, okay. He’ll let Sonny know when he’s done. He leaves, and Sonny looks grim.

Nelle looks through the window, watching the party. Brad tells Lucas to take it easy, and Lucas says, he was right there. They were in… dammit! Brad asks, what’s going on? and Julian thinks Lucas is overstimulated. He’ll get Wiley; it will be better if Lucas is with his son. Julian walks out, and Lucas suddenly flashes back again. He remembers Brad telling him that Wiley is Michael and Nelle’s son. Lucas gets up, and says, Michael.

Tomorrow, Chase is needed at the Corinthos house, Lucas says he’s not crazy and knows what he heard, and Cyrus tells Sonny that he’s about to make a very big mistake.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Jim tells his thug to shoot Benny. There’s a gunshot, and Jim says, that’s it; he’s gone. Hanna asks what he did, and he says the difference between them is, he does exactly what he says he’s going to. Benny is dead. She tells him to call them, and he puts the phone to his ear, saying, take the bullet out of that boy’s head. Hanna beats on him, saying, what did he do? He tells her he did what he said he was going to, and calls for the nurse. When she comes in, he tells the nurse to get Hanna out of there. Hanna says, that’s her son. He hurt her son. He says he did more than that. She says, her son better be all right, and he says he doesn’t have his money. She says she’s calling the police, and he tells her, go ahead, but do it from out there. She whacks him a couple times with her purse, as the nurse tries to hold her back. She tells Jim, go to hell, and he says he’s been there. Hanna leaves, and Jim asks the nurse if he’s bleeding, and demands she give him something for the pain. She tells him, calm down, and he says, bitch, get me something to calm down. Move. She goes, and he asks, what the hell is wrong with these women? The hospital let some crazy woman in his room. He calls to Hanna, saying, Benny’s dead. He gone girl. He laughs, and hits the morphine button. He says, get me some more morphine, bitches, and laughs again.

Jim’s thug shoots the ground, and Benny says he almost shot him. What the hell is wrong with him? Sandy (Mitch’s main guy) and a group of guys come downstairs. The thug says, what the hell? Who are they? Sandy says Benny is coming with them, but the thug says, no, he’s not. Sandy says, want a bet? Does he know who they are? They’re the Malones. He tells the thug to uncuff Benny, and do it now. He does, and Benny jumps up and punches him in the stomach. Benny says, little bitch. It’s lucky Benny is weak. He thanks the Malones, and asks if Mitch sent them. Sandy says, yeah, and tells Benny, go on; get out. Benny asks if he can use Sandy’s phone, but Sandy says he can’t do that. They’re here because they owe his sister. He tells Benny, get out of there, and Benny leaves. Sandy tells the thug that he needs permission to be in the Malone backyard, and asks if he understands. The thug says, yeah, and Sandy tells the guys to kick the thug’s ass. He’s got to learn.

At the Iron Bone, Mitch’s phone rings. He says, yo, and Sandy says, they got him. Mitch thanks him, and Sandy says, he took off; he said he was going home. Mitch says, he has no money. How’s he getting home? He tells Sandy, put him on the phone, but Sandy says he’s not letting Benny use his phone. Mitch says, then give him a ride, but Sandy says he doesn’t want to. Mitch says, just do it. Benny has no money. Mitch asks where they are, and Sandy says, Hollister Street. Mitch says, just give him a ride out of the neighborhood. Sandy says he doesn’t want to do that, and Mitch says, fine; bring him to the bar. Sandy says, he’s riding in the truck bed, and Mitch calls him an a-hole. Sandy says, it’s that or nothing. Candace asks Mitch, what happened? and Mitch says, they got him. They’re giving him a ride. Candace says, it didn’t sound like that. His family is racist. Mitch says, tell him about it. He says her mom is probably at the police station, and Candace says, they’ll find her when Benny gets there.

Madison thanks Jeffrey for the nap. He gets up, and Jeffrey looks away. Madison wonders why Jeffrey can’t look at him, and Jeffrey says he’s giving Madison privacy. Madison says he doesn’t want privacy. If Jeffrey isn’t interested, fine. Jeffrey says, it’s not that, and Madison says, then don’t look away. Jeffrey asks if Madison thinks he’s turning him on, and Madison says, something is going on, or Jeffrey wouldn’t leave the room when he gets dressed. Jeffrey says he’s showing respect, and Madison asks if he has to do what Justin did to get Jeffrey’s attention. Jeffrey says, not fair, and Madison says, sorry. Madison tells Jeffrey to look at him, and Jeffrey says Madison has a beautiful body. Madison says, Jeffrey does too. Jeffrey asks Madison to put his clothes back on, and Madison puts his pants on. He walks over to Jeffrey, and says, better? Is Jeffrey sure he’s not turned on? Jeffrey says he is, and Madison kisses his neck. Jeffrey responds.

Hanna arrives home, and she’s pretty frazzled. She wrings her hands and paces, then calls the police. She tells them, it’s an emergency. She knows her son’s been kidnapped, and she thinks someone did something to him. She gives them her address, and says she’ll be there. As soon as she hangs up, her phone rings. It’s a collect call from Kathryn, and Hanna says she thinks Jim killed her son. Jim had him kidnapped, and she thinks somebody shot him. She doesn’t know where he is. Benny walks in with Mitch and Candace, and Hanna drops the phone. Benny says he’s all right, and Hanna asks, what happened? He says, Mitch’s family took care of it; they got him out. She says he’s going to give the money back now; she means it. Kathryn is like, hey, I’m still here, and Hanna picks up the phone. She says, Benny just walked in, and he’s all right. Kathryn says, thank God. She tells Hanna that she’s sorry, and says she needs Hanna to come and see her. Hanna says, give her a minute. They’re going to the bank. Kathryn says she’s saving Hanna from going a second time. She knows Hanna has had a shock, but can she come right now? Hanna says she can, and Kathryn says, Marty will meet her. Kathryn hangs up, and says, can somebody clean this damn phone?

Benny says he needs to rest, but Hanna says they’re going to the bank. Benny says, fine, and she says she’s going to wash her face, and then they’re going. When Hanna is out of earshot, Benny says, no way is he giving the money back. Mitch says, it’s going to keep going on. Jim had Benny kidnapped. No damn way should he do that; it’s crazy as hell. Benny says, the hell with Mitch. He tells Mitch and Candace, come on, before she comes back. Candace says Hanna is going to be so mad, and asks where they’re going. Benny says, to the airport. He going to put Candace on a plane, and she’s never looking back. Candace says, they’ll come after Benny, and tells him, take care of his ass. They leave, and Hanna comes out, finding an empty  room. She calls to them, but hears nothing. She calls Benny’s phone, but doesn’t leave a message. She hangs up, and says, this ain’t a game they’re playing. Their asses better be at the bank.

Connelly visits Charles, and asks if Charles is sick of him yet. Charles asks if Connelly wants a drink, and Connelly says he’s pouring. Does Charles want more advice about Candace? Charles says, no. He wanted to ask Connelly to consider being Attorney General. Connelly says he’d be honored, and Charles thanks him. Connelly says, thank you, President Elect, and Charles says he sounds annoyed. Connelly says Charles talked to four other senators before him. He’s like an uncle to Charles. Charles says he had to go through the process. Connelly says Charles asked him last, but Charles says Connelly was his first choice. Connelly says he knows what kind of hell they’ve been putting Charles through, and Charles says, now he’s going to give them hell. First thing, he wants Connelly to visit the current AG. He wants Connelly to have a conversation about the transition. While he’s there, Charles wants to know about the operation done during the campaign, and the people involved. Connelly doesn’t think he can do that until he’s been sworn in, but Charles says, it’s not about the information. He wants to make sure the AG knows he’s aware. It’s personal. Connelly says, it’s always personal, and Charles says he doesn’t want them to know too much. Just raise questions. Connelly asks when he should start, and Charles says, right away; he’ll make arrangements. Connelly thanks Charles again, and Charles says he’ll make the announcement this afternoon. Connelly says, here we go, and Charles repeats, here we go.

Jim is sleeping when Celine comes into his room. He says, what the hell? Is he dreaming? She says, no. She heard he got shot. He says he did, and she says she heard Wyatt did it. Jim says, apparently… the ungrateful little bastard. He asks what she’s doing there, and tells her to leave. She says, no. She’s been trying to reach him. He says he knows; he’s been trying to avoid her. She says she could take him to court, and he says, why not do it? She says she just wants him to do the right thing for once. He says, why start now? He never did that before. He tells her to take her fine ass, and get the hell out. She says she can take him to court, and he says, so do it. What is she going to do with no money? She says she’s struggling; she needs two jobs to get by. He says, go to one. She says their oldest son is in college, and he says he has one son. She says, who tried to kill him. He has three sons. He says he doesn’t know that. She’d better start looking for a carboard box. He hears they’re getting harder to find. She says she’s not kidding, and he says he’s not either. She asks him not to put their kids on the street, and he says he doesn’t care. She calls him an SOB, and says, nothing has changed. He says, not a thing; get out. She says he’s forcing her hand, and he says they both know she forced other parts of his anatomy many times. She says she’s going to show him how strong she is. On her way out, she says something in Spanish, and he makes fun of her, parroting nonsense back.

Outside in the hallway, Celine makes a call.

Veronica answers the phone, as she’s walking into the house. Celine says Veronica asked her to call. She wants to go after Jim. Veronica tells her to get everything she’s got, and come to the house. They’ll discuss the details. She’ll text the address. She tells Celine, this is where she says, thank you. Celine thanks her, and Veronica asks what kind of car she drives, and what year it is. Celine asks, why? and Veronica asks if the oil is leaking. Don’t park that sh*t in her driveway.

Justin walks into his house, where some guys are waiting for him. He says, not again. Please. The head dude says, please what? How’s he doing? Justin says he has internal bleeding, and dude tells him that he’s gotta tuck real tight. This is for Veronica. Justin asks how much she’s paying, and dude asks if he thinks it’s about money. Justin doesn’t know, and dude tells him, he gets to whoop ass, and he’s all for that. Justin says he’s not a cop, and dude says, he was a cop. He thinks he’ll go for the stomach. Justin asks if he can’t get it in the back. He has stitches, and his ribs are bruised. Dude asks if Justin is trying to tell him how to whoop ass. Justin says he’s not telling, he’s just asking. He has money. Dude asks where it’s at, and Justin says in the drawer. Dude asks, how much? and he says, four grand; take it all. Dude nods, and says, all right. He tells one of his guys to take it. He tells Justin that he’ll take it, but he’s going  to hit Justin once or twice. Justin says, for Veronica? and dude says, it’s part of the deal. Justin says, okay, and dude punches him in the stomach. Justin asks what they can do to make this stop, and dude says he has to settle with Veronica. When she says so, they come. He thanks Justin for the cash, and they leave.

Landon goes in to see Charles, and says he’d like to show Charles something. He hands Charles a folder, and says, all of these articles. Not 24-hours and the tide is turning on her. Charles looks through them, and asks why Landon is doing this. Landon says he wants to see Charles happy. Charles says he’s doing it for his job, but Landon says he sees how Charles lights up when she’s around. He smiles, and Landon wants that for him. Charles asks if Landon doesn’t want the same thing for himself; someone to make him feel that way. He should have that. Has he ever? Landon says, once, and Charles asks, what happened? Landon says, it didn’t work out, and Charles asks if that’s Landon’s way of saying he doesn’t want to talk about it. Landon says, not too many straight men want to hear a gay man’s love story. Charles says he’s open minded, and Landon says Charles also knocked him to the floor. Charles wishes he’d handled the situation better; it was a bit homophobic. If a woman acted like that, he would have reacted differently. Landon says he shouldn’t have betrayed Charles’s trust; he’s sorry. Charles says, there’s no need. He’s past it. Tell him about the guy. Landon says, one night when they have a lot to drink. Tell him about Candace. Charles says, that’s over and done, but Landon says he doesn’t know. Charles says Landon didn’t see the way he treated her. Oliver had her leave in the trunk of a car. Landon says, oh no, and Charles says, she wasn’t happy. Landon says he’s sorry, and Charles says, it’s not his fault. He didn’t have the balls to tell the world. Landon says, when he’s done, Charles will have them eating out of the palm of his hand. Charles says, that’s a tall order, and Landon asks if Charles doubts him. Charles says, Candace will clearly have to be on board, and Landon says he’ll get her there. At least, he’ll try. He’s going to get on it right now.

Kathryn is put back in her cell, and Wyatt encourages her to get in. He asks if she’d like to shut him up, and she says she doesn’t want to hear him. He says he’s sorry, and she says, now he comes to his senses? He says he was high out of his mind. She says, whatever he was out of, he’s in now, and Wyatt says he needs a doctor. He needs to get out. If he does, will she send him to rehab? He’ll go right away. She laughs, and says she can’t do anything for him. Where is the nice boy coming from? Wyatt says he’s sorry for what he did to her and his dad. She says his dad is alive, and he says he knows. Can she get him out? She says, not a chance. He says, please? and she asks if the DA told him they weren’t pressing charges. He says, they’re not? and she says, of course they are. The nice thing isn’t going to work. He says, please, and she says, no please. He’s going to be in there for the rest of his life. He says he’s their only son, and she says, their only son who tried to kill them. He says he wants to talk to his dad, and she says his dad isn’t going to help him. He’ll be just as happy to see Wyatt’s ass in there as she is. They didn’t want Wyatt to pay before, now look where they are. They learned their lesson. He pleads with her some more, and she tells him, give it up. He’s not going to manipulate his way out. She walks as far away as she can.

Veronica’s doorbell rings. It’s Justin, surprising us all, because we were expecting Celine. He asks if  they can talk, and she says, okay. He says, when he got home from the hospital, there were guys at his place. She says she knows that, and he says he wants to know how they stop this. She says, stop what? and he says, this. She asks if he can take back hitting her, and he says he can’t. She says sorry then they can’t. He says, this is hard for him; them hitting him. She says it’s not hard for her, and he says he’s so sorry. She says, lady, why are you here whining? and he says he just wants to know how to make them stop. He can pay her; he has a 401K. She says, no amount can make it stop, and he asks what he can do. She says she hasn’t decided yet, and he says there’s got to be some forgiveness somewhere in her heart for him. He’s not a bad person. She says he sleeps with men, and hits women. He’s a bad person; a vile, disgusting human being. Her face still hurts. He says he’s sorry, and she tells him, he said that. He asks when it’s going to be enough, and she says when she says so. Never hit a woman. She tells him, get off her property. Boy, bye. He says he can only take so much, and she asks if that’s a threat. He says, not to her, but to himself. She asks if he’s thinking of committing suicide. What can she do to make that happen? She can get him more visits. He says, please, don’t, and she says, get off her property. She said, boy, bye. She closes the door, and talks to herself. It’s not who I am. Forgive me. Don’t hit her. And forgive? Bitch, please.

David looks at folders, and George walks in. He looks around, and says, it’s worse than he thought. David thanks him for coming, and George asks how he can help David. David gives George a folder, and says, it’s the gun that killed Jennifer. George says David is giving him Kathryn’s head on a platter. David says, no. Veronica’s. George asks if this is some kind of joke, and David says, no. Kathryn was there, but she didn’t do it; she was a witness, and she’s covering for Veronica. Veronica thought he and Jennifer were having an affair. George says David is trying to set him up. He wants George to go after Veronica. David asks what part George doesn’t understand. George says he’s not falling for this, and David says, for what? George says, they have Kathryn, but David says, he’s telling George it was Veronica. George doesn’t believe him, and David says George is going to look foolish when the truth comes out. George asks what sick game David is playing. Cars blowing up, shootouts; he thinks it’s a game. David says, it’s not a game; it’s the hard truth. George says, he’s not buying it. David says he has a lot more, and George says, like what? David says, everything in his files, but George says, no way it will hold up in court. David says he knows that, and George says, give him something solid, like a video. David says he doesn’t have a video. What he has is evidence concerning several crimes, cover-ups, conspiracy, and tax evasion. George says, and David is going to give him all of it. David says, give him immunity, and he’ll give George everything he has. George says, David is involved? and David says he may have knowledge of the alleged crimes. George says, okay. Meet him in his office, and bring everything he has. I say, no. Take it with you now, but George doesn’t listen. David thanks him, and George says he still doesn’t trust David. David tells him, examine the evidence.

George leaves, and David calls upstairs to Jeffrey. I say, uuuuh… and David goes upstairs. He looks into Jeffrey’s room, where Jeffrey and Madison are having sex. David quickly closes the door, and says, damn. I laugh.

Next time, Jeffrey tells Madison, knowing is one thing, seeing it’s another; Kathryn tells Hanna that Jim will have to come to her for every dime; and Veronica admits she’s using Celine, and wouldn’t care about her otherwise.

Vanderpump Rules

Ariana walks into SUR. She asks Charli how it’s going tonight, and Charli says, busy. In Ariana’s interview, she says, it’s like riding a bike. It feels just like home. Dayna says, hi, and Ariana says she thinks they danced for 12 hours straight at Pride. Dayna says it’s the most fun she’s had, and she feels lighter now. In her interview, she says she knew she was different in middle school, when she started noticing both genders. She kissed a girl, but felt like she shouldn’t tell anyone. She’s bisexual, and when she put it out there, Max couldn’t give two sh*ts. Ariana says everyone knows she’s bi, and they double high-five, saying, bi sisters.

In the car, Lisa tells Ken that she woke up to it being plastered all over social media that the guy who’s marrying Jax and Brittany made incredibly offensive remarks about the LGBTQ community; homophobic things. Ken says that goes against what Lisa stands for. We see the pastor’s tweets, which are all Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve stuff. In Lisa’s interview, she says, there were so many negative comments; don’t get her started. She knows Jax and Brittany’s beliefs are the same as hers. Ken says she has to tell them, and she says she knows.

Stassi films Beau making a baked botato, and I laugh. In his interview, he says he’s been posting cooking videos, but they’re really him and Stassi bickering, and he made up an alter ego. Stassi asks him to do different accents, as he gives the cooking instructions. She says, there’s so much cheese, and he says it will make her look good in her bridal gown. She says, bridesmaid, and in her interview, she says she wishes she had a bridal gown. Lala comes over, and in Lala’s interview, she says, Stassi is doing a great job of turning Beau into a housewife. Now she just needs to lock him down, and put a ring on it. Stassi says the shower is going to be at Katie’s house. Lala says, when she gets married, she doesn’t want penis straws or penis hats, and Stassi says she wants none of that sh*t. Beau says he thought princesses and penises would be the theme.

Lisa asks Ariana what it’s like to be back, and Ariana says, chill, at first. Then, wow. Ariana gingerly broaches the subject of Jax and Brittany’s pastor, but Lisa says she called them this morning. We see a clip of Brittany saying she’s going to investigate his offensive remark, and saying he promised he wasn’t homophobic.

Lala asks, what’s up? and Stassi says the pastor’s remarks came out a month ago, and they came out again. Sh*t just got real. In Lala’s interview, she says, in fairness to Jax and Brittany, they don’t think too hard about things. Jax isn’t that smart. He called the guy, who said he doesn’t feel that way, and that’s good enough for Jax. Lala tells Stassi, you couldn’t take that out of context.

Brittany and Jax do a LIT workout class. After class, Brittany tells Jax, she’s glad Lisa called, so they could get ahead, just in case. He’s a family friend, and she can’t believe it. In her interview, Brittany says, no one thought he’d be this way. She grew up with his daughters. He posted negative things, and she doesn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable, or think she has the same feelings. She thought he was a good person. Jax says he doesn’t care what someone believes, but don’t take it to social media.

Ariana tells Lisa, it’s been a month, and she wondered how to approach Brittany. In her interview, Ariana says she’s known for six months. Brittany was upset in January, when it was brought up, and seemed satisfied with the pastor’s answer. Ariana didn’t want to keep bringing it up. She was between a rock and a hard place. Brittany confronted him, and he told her what she wanted to hear, so he could officiate.

Brittany tells Jax, people assume that’s how they feel, and Jax says, it’s not their fault. Brittany says people are accusing her of being a bad person in their comments. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s not like he’s holding any anti-gay flags. Brittany says she doesn’t think the pastor is a bad guy. Jax says, maybe he’s naïve, but he thought pastors were supposed to be neutral. In Brittany’s interview, she says, in LA, they live in a bubble. When she goes home, there are people who believe all kinds of things. A lot of them have different politics, so she just doesn’t talk about it when it’s brought up. It’s difficult, but she doesn’t want to disappoint anyone in her life. Brittany says, it’s two weeks before the wedding. It sucks.

Lisa sits at Sur, and Raquel approaches her table. Raquel says, Lisa wanted to talk to her? She assumes it’s about Pride. Lisa says she missed her shift, and Raquel says she was at TomTom with James. Her plan was to check on him. Lisa says they were relying on her. We flash back to James screaming, how dare she miss his set? Raquel says that wasn’t her thought process, and Lisa asks what she was thinking. Raquel says she was thinking about James and Pride. In her interview, she says she was thinking about last year, and we flash back to James being a complete and utter drunken a-hole. She says she feels like she almost needs to babysit. At the same time, she doesn’t want to be on Lisa’s bad side. Lisa says, James screwed up every chance, and tells Raquel, don’t go down the same road. Raquel says she’s responsible, and Lisa says, normally. She could be fired for this. Raquel says, please don’t fire her, and Lisa says she’s thinking about it. Raquel says, please, don’t, and Lisa says she’ll still be written up. Don’t let her down again. Raquel swears she won’t.

Tom brings sushi home, and asks how Ariana’s first day back was. Ariana says, chill, and tells him, Lisa called Jax and Brittany. Brittany said she only saw one post, but Ariana saw them six months ago. Tom asks if she believes Brittany really didn’t see them until she called them to Brittany’s attention, and Ariana nods. Tom says maybe she wants to believe it. She says she thinks Brittany works hard not to see things. In Tom’s interview, he says they were tagging Brittany and Jax in all of the posts for months. They were just sitting by, hoping someone would make the right decision. Ariana says, it’s been insanely triggering her. Tom says he feels the same way. He’d like to talk to Jax, and asks what the deal is. Ariana says, the shower is tomorrow, and no one has said anything. She thinks everybody is afraid of upsetting them. Tom says, thank God Lisa said something. it bothers him.

In Dayna’s interview, she says she and Max have been dating for about a month. It’s not just a hook-up thing. We learn from Max that a cork shouldn’t pop, but sound like a silent fart. Good to know. Dayna tells Max that people see they like each other, and they’re triggered about it. She likes him, and likes hanging out with him, She wants to make him a priority. She asks where he’s at, and he says he thinks they should focus on each other. He wants to be exclusive, and Dayna says that’s what she wants. In Max’s interview, he says, in the past, he made work a priority, but Dayna is making him want to make her a priority.

In Katie’s interview, she says, the coolest part of owning a house is having parties – like the shower. It makes them feel like adults. She and Stassi use toilet paper instead of crepe paper.

James asks Raquel how work was, and she says, Lisa is concerned about her professionalism. She feels bad that she missed her shift. She let people down. James says – wait for it – she shouldn’t have left her job. Who does that? In Raquel’s interview, she says, James’s moods vary. He’s an unpredictable person. When she gets up in the morning, she’s never sure which James she’ll wake up to. She thinks if she’d stayed at SUR, he would have been pissed and drinking, and spiraled. In James’s interview, he says, at Pride, everyone is effed up. You can smell the alcohol in their sweat. He needs someone to keep track of him in that moment. Raquel tells him that Peter invited her to his birthday party, but she can’t bring James. Peter is one of Jax’s groomsmen, and doesn’t want to upset Jax. James says, that’s so rude. He’s surprised Raquel didn’t tell Peter to screw himself, but she asks how that would do something. He asks if she’s going, and she says she doesn’t think so. He asks if she’s going to swing on him tomorrow night, and go. He doesn’t want her there, and she says she doesn’t feel like going if he’s not invited. He says it sounds like she’s beating around the bush; make her decision. She says she’s not going. James says, what if he told her to go ahead and go, and she says she wouldn’t go. She wants to stand by him. Because she can’t win here, he says it sounds like she’s just agreeing with him. She doesn’t have to. He probably wouldn’t be happy if she went, but she can do what she likes. She says she knows. She looks like one unhappy girl, and I wonder why she’s so insecure that she needs to stay with this jerk.

Ariana tells Lala, the pastor guy isn’t happening. Lala says Brittany told her that she let him go. We see a clip of Brittany telling Jax, she doesn’t know if he’ll be nice, and Jax saying, they have no choice. Ariana says she doesn’t know how Brittany could like him. Lala says she feels guilty talking behind Brittany’s back. Ariana doesn’t want to hurt Brittany’s feelings, and Lala says she doesn’t want to bring it up at the shower. In Ariana’s interview, she says they’re supposed to smile and nod until Jax and Brittany make it down the aisle. Everyone is afraid to piss them off. Lala says, Brittany lives in a world of unicorns and princesses. We see princesses coming up the walk to Katie’s house, and Stassi letting them in. Ariana says she feels like they’re treating Brittany with kid gloves. Brittany is putting her head in the sand, hoping it will go away or get better.

The finishing touches are put on the shower, and the guests gather. Stassi brings the princesses upstairs, and tells them to just do what they do during the party, and drink if they want. Brittany has no idea that they’re coming. Brittany arrives, and the princesses come down the stairs. In Brittany’s interview, she says her friends know her so well. She’s always loved princesses. They’re always up against something, and come out on top, find their voice, and find their happily ever after. She says, the princesses are there, all that’s missing is the queen. Lisa comes in, and says, it’s lovely. Brittany tells Lisa that she feels better. She took care of it, and everything will be fine. In her interview, Brittany says, it’s complicated having to fire a family friend. She wants to remember this part; not the rest of it. In Lisa’s interview, she says she’s glad to see a smile on Brittany’s face. In Stassi’s interview, she says, you know how you know when you nailed something so hard? She nailed it. Effing princesses. Nailed it. She and Katie high-five.

The Toms put out flowers at TomTom. James comes by, and Tom gives him a check. Tom says he heard Raquel got written up because she missed her shift. James tells them Peter talked rudely to Raquel, but Schwartz thinks it’s just a managerial thing. Tom says managers get frustrated on Pride Day. Peter had to work twice on his birthday because it fell on the same day. James says Peter isn’t inviting him to his birthday party because of Jax. It’s like being on the playground. He’s not going to walk on eggshells around Brittany and Jax. Tom says, Jax is a little touchy, and James says, Groomzilla.

The drinking commences at the shower, and Kristen asks Katie if she’s doing the same thing Kristen is for Brittany’s sake. Katie says she is. Brittany says, they have someone new officiating – Lance Bass. He reached out to them, and he’s willing to do it. Scheana ask if he’s going to sing, and Brittany says she doesn’t know. In Scheana’s interview, she says Brittany is getting married like a princess in a castle, with a member of a boy band officiating. It’s literally every preteen’s dream wedding. In Brittany’s interview, she says she knows her mother would prefer a pastor to one of her teenage wall posters, but her mother got married the second time on a cruise ship. Her mom tells her, everything is good.

Katie texts Schwartz about Lance, and James says, he’s the gayest pop star in the world. Now they’re over-compensating, but it took too long.

Lala and Lisa laugh about Lance officiating. In Lala’s interview, she says, Brittany is stuck between two different worlds. The world where it’s a sin to be gay, and the happy world where a gay pop star is officiating her wedding. Tom says he’s probably on social media the least, and he repeatedly saw the posts. Jax and Brittany were tagged in the comments. In his interview, he says he knows Jax saw the posts and turned a blind eye. He only did something when Lisa said something. He tells James and Schwartz, acting like they just realized is bullsh*t.

The group meets at some kind of bowling alley that also has other things going on, like batting cages and a bar. I guess they’ve rented it, since there are no other people there. Scheana tells Peter she wishes she could do a shot with him, but she’s freezing her eggs. He’s surprised, and in her interview, Scheana says, either people don’t listen to her, or don’t care. We flash back to her saying she was freezing her eggs seven thousand times. Peter says she can have a shot of water.

Peter tells Jax that he didn’t invite James to his party, and Jax says he appreciates that. He doesn’t want to tell Peter who to invite, but you don’t know what you’ll get with James. He might run through walls. They play beer pong, and Schwartz does some batting. Someone bounces a pong ball off of Brett’s head. Kristen fails miserably at batting, and in her interview, she says, she’s not someone who gives up at anything. Whether it’s baseball, love, or life, you’re going to hit a homerun. Schwartz tells Jax not to say they’re having Looks Like We Made It as their wedding song. Jax says they are; Brittany loves Shania Twain. Beau says he thought Jax was kidding, but Jax says they went to hell and back. They thought they weren’t going to make it, but proved everyone wrong. In Beau’s interview, he says, the thing everyone was forbidden to talk about is literally in the lyrics.

Katie says if you’re not a part of gossip, you’re the subject of it. She tells Dayna about Scheana saying she should wear a bra. Stassi says, it’s literally about Max, and Dayna tells them that she and Max talked about where they were at, and decided to be exclusive. In Dayna’s interview, she says she and Scheana just made up on Pride Day. She’s not going to say Max gave her the thing Scheana always wanted. Katie says, Scheana pisses on guys like they’re her property. Dayna says she thought, bitch, what did I do to you? In Stassi’s interview, she says she wasn’t sure about Dayna, but there’s nothing like a good sh*t-talking Scheana fest to bring sh*t-talking bitches together.

Jax tells Schwartz and Beau about getting Lance to officiate. Lala asks Brittany to get off her phone. Brittany says, everybody is out to get her right now. She loved the shower, but people on social media made fun of it. She reads, princess parties suck. She can only take so much. She was having fun. Stassi says, who gives a f***? Brittany says, now people are taking the best day of her life. Why do they have to ruin things? That’s a good question.

Tom tells Jax that he’d brought up the pastor, and Jax says they have Lance Bass now. Tom knows, but why did it take Lisa coming to them? Jax says he’s not talking about it. It did take Lisa. Tom says Jax has to be kidding him.

Jax asks where Brittany is, and finds out she’s crying. He goes over to her, and asks why. Lala says, jealousy really is the root of all evil. He tells her about how Tom said it took Lisa to get them to fire the pastor, and Brittany says he has nerve. He doesn’t know what she’s going through. Tom wanders over, and Jax asks why he’s trying to hurt them, and Stassi say he’s trying to make Brittany and Jax look like the bad ones. Kristen asks if this is about Peter not inviting James, and Jax says, it’s about their pastor, and basically tells her to hit the road. Tom says he was upset, and Lala says they all were; so was Brittany. Brittany says that’s why they fired him. Tom says he wants to ask questions. In Tom’s interview, he says he wanted to talk to Jon their own, and make him more aware, but now the sh*t hit the fan. Brittany shouts that she did nothing wrong. She saw one comment. Sitting in a booth some distance away, Scheana says she’s hearing everyone yelling. Tom says, what about all that transphobic sh*t? and Brittany says she chose to believe her friend. She was sorry when she saw the other comments. Lala says Tom making her defend herself is wrong. In his interview, he says, it’s a dangerous group of friends, when you’re not allowed to speak up about something wrong. It’s pissing him off that Jax isn’t standing up for their friends, and a community they’re a part of. Stassi says Tom is making himself a martyr. He’s Jon Snowing himself so hard by standing up. In her interview, she says, Jon Snow always has to do what’s right, despite who he hurts. They’re not in Westeros; they’re in Koreatown.  Schwartz tells Jax that Tom is just looking out for him, but Jax says Tom is questioning his motives, and that’s a topic you don’t go near. Ariana asks if Tom can’t have an opinion. In Ariana’s interview, she says it’s like they must protect Brittany at all costs. Should she have a wedding, so she can get her ass kissed? Jax tells Ariana, he was a preacher, and he thought they were always inclusive. Ariana says he thought wrong, and he says he knows that now. He tells Tom, eff off. Ariana says, this is what always happens. She’s hitting some balls. Tom says he was just asking Jax a question, and Jax says, it was the wrong question. In her interview, Ariana says she’s always going to stand up for what she believes in, speak her truth, and when all else fails, bat some balls.

Jax says, there’s no coming back from that. Tom isn’t in the wedding. There’s no way he can have Tom in his bridal party. Brittany tells Jax to knock Tom the eff out. Lala holds Brittany, and everyone is bummed.

Next time, Dayna tells some of the others about being exclusive with Max, Jax says the only person he has a problem with is Tom, and Ariana wants to leave her life. She should have my life. She’d want back in real quick.

🌅 It’s a Far, Far Better Dawn…

When you’re dancing til it.