What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
On the phone, Chase asks Jordan if she’s sure about that, and says he can do it.
Alexis sits at Charlie’s bar, and tells Julian that her life coach is trying to kill her. She thinks it’s a conspiracy far and wide, since all the trainers at the gym are part of the cabal. He asks what he can get her, and she says it’s her cheat day. She orders a breakfast the size of what The Rock eats on his cheat day. Julian says before he gets it, did she get Olivia to back off? Alexis adds some more food to her order. Julian says, this is Olivia’s latest masterpiece, and shows her a flyer. Last year a dead body; this year, who knows? Alexis says, Olivia isn’t behind it. Does he have any enemies that want revenge. He says not that he knows of.
Brad goes to Nelle’s parole hearing. She says he came, and he says she didn’t give him much choice. She says, it’s going to be the best parole hearing ever. Michael shows up, and wonders why Brad is there. Nelle says they have a big surprise. Brad says, don’t, but she says now that she’s getting out of prison, it’s time Michael knows the truth about his son. Jonah didn’t die; he’s alive. She gave him to Brad and Lucas. Michael says, Wiley is his son? He gets angry, and Nelle thanks Brad for looking after their son. Now that she’s getting out, she and Michael can finally be a family with their son. Michael says, over his dead body, and pushes Brad. He walks toward the door, and Brad asks where he’s going. Michael says, to get his son. Brad wakes up, yelling, don’t go! and Lucas asks, who’s Michael, and why doesn’t Brad want him to go?
Sasha and Michael go to Kelly’s. She wonders if it bothers him to be seen with her in public, and he says he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, but compared to the scandals in his family, hers hardly rates. Lulu is there with Maxie, and asks, what is Michael thinking? He knew Sasha was an imposter, and didn’t say anything. Maxie says, he’s non-judgmental. Maybe because he’s both a Corinthos and a Quartermaine. Michael tells Sasha, not implicating Valentin was a noble gesture. She says she couldn’t do that to Charlotte, or cause Nina any more pain. Michael says, Valentin was the mastermind, but Sasha tells him, she said yes. Michael says, so did Valentin. It’s not fair that he should skate with zero consequences. Lulu asks if Maxie has seen Nina since the wedding, and Maxie says she did. Nina was on the fence about… correction was on the fence. It looks like she climbed over, and jumped in. Nina and Valentin walk in holding hands.
Martin asks if Nelle read the notes he gave her. Nelle says she did, and thanks him, but she doesn’t need them. He asks if she thinks she can handle her first parole hearing on her own. Nelle says, first and last. Trust her; she’s got this. She’s going to be out of Pentenville by tonight.
Lucas says, Brad sounded freaked out that someone named Michael was leaving. What was he dreaming about? Brad says he doesn’t remember. Lucas says, it seemed intense, and Brad says he feels that, but as far as details, he can’t tell Lucas any more than that. Lucas says he’s been restless at night, and Brad says, sorry. Lucas says, don’t be. Just talk to him. Shiloh is dead, and Wiley is safe. No one is coming after Wiley, but Brad seems more stressed than ever. Brad says he’s trying an anti-anxiety medication, and shows Lucas the bottle. Lucas wonders why Brad didn’t tell him that he was seeing a therapist. Wiley cries, and Lucas goes to check on him. Brad calls Julian.
Julian ignores Brads call. He tells Alexis, if it’s not Olivia, he can’t think anyone else who would want to run him out of business. She tells him, think harder. Kendra walks in, and Alexis says, there she is. The woman who’s making her a better person. Julian says, even if it kills her? Alexis tells Kendra, she just had a workout, and is going to have a whole grain bowl. She leaves out the entire pig of bacon and six dozen eggs she just ordered. Kendra asks if she’s keeping up with her supplement, and Alexis says, about that. She was skeptical, so she had her GPA look at the ingredients. Kendra asks what her doctor said.
Martin didn’t think he’d have to remind Nelle that she pleaded nolo contendere to murder, attempted murder, and a host of other crimes. Even having a hearing this early is tantamount to a miracle. She asks if she should change her plea, but he says, it’s too late for that. Nelle says, it was clearly entrapment, but he says, it wasn’t. Legal terms don’t change because she wants them to. She says she was about to give birth, and was trapped. He says he has two expert’s statements on hormone disorder, as well as an OB/GYN statement on the effect of pregnancy on behavior. It’s doubtless that’s what led to her confession. He says she admitted she was the cause of her ex-fiancé’s death, and conspired to murder. She asks if he submitted it to the parole board, and he says, of course (🍷) not. All they care about is that she’s taking responsibility for her crimes. She says she pleaded nolo contendere, she’s had success in rehab, and has an impeccable record there. If that’s all that matters, she’s walking. He says, there’s no guarantee. Even if the board is inclined to rule in her favor, it can take weeks, sometime months, to get released.
Lulu says, don’t tell her Valentin and Nina are back together, and Maxie says she didn’t think it would be this fast. Lulu says, she thought they would? and Maxie tells her, Obrecht said Sasha acted alone. Sasha confirmed it, and apparently, Nina believes it. Lulu says, Obrecht was in on it, and possibly Valentin too, but Nina won’t listen to her. She tells Maxie to go to Nina, but Maxie says, no. Lulu says Maxie knows as well as she does that Valentin is behind this. Maxie says, all she knows is, Lulu made huge mess of things.
Sasha tells Michael, she knows it must seem hypocritical to tell a lie to repair the damage, but she couldn’t bear to see Nina left alone. Michael says Valentin knows what he knows. Sasha says she doesn’t expect a thank you, but she might get Valentin to convince Nina to forgive her. He says he wouldn’t hold his breath.
Nina tells Valentin about a play she wants to take Charlotte to, and says he’s staring. He says she’s too damn beautiful. It was the greatest night of his life when she showed up. Better than when she showed up with Jax. She says she’s not with Jax. She didn’t come back so he could be a jealous idiot. He’s just glad she did. Nina says, even if the reason she left is sitting there? Lulu is there too; they’re surrounded. Valentin tells her, forget them, and focus on us. He suggests they go to city hall, and she can marry him right now. Chase walks in, and Michael says he thought he was meeting Chase at Pentenville. Chase says, the plans have changed. He asks Sasha to get up, and Michael asks, what’s going on? Nina tells Valentin that she knows what Chase is about to do; his job. Chase says Sasha is being charged with identity theft, and burglary in the second degree He reads her rights, and she looks panicked.
Alexis tells Kendra that she got the all clear from her doctor. Kendra asks if it’s helping her sleep, and Alexis says, it’s a miracle. She falls asleep, and stays asleep, and she has more energy. She’s going to need a refill. Kendra says, next time they meet. Alexis’s phone dings, and she says she’s got to go. Kendra says, so much for lightening the work load, but Alexis says it’s a family issue, and leaves.
Valentin tells Nina that Jordan wasn’t going to take action unless Nina wanted to. He wishes she hadn’t, and Nina asks why he doesn’t want to see Sasha punished.
Maxie can’t believe Chase is arresting Sasha, and Lulu says, it makes no sense to be putting Sasha in handcuffs while Valentin is in the clear. Maxie says it’s all about Valentin for Lulu. She hates him because he murdered her brother. What better way to pay him back? Lulu says she’d rather him go to prison than just have a bad wedding day, but what it’s really about is Charlotte and Rocco. How can she teach them to be honest if she’s not honest herself? Maxie says, however ethical, all Lulu did was kill Nina’s dreams and have Sasha arrested.
At the station, Michael asks Chase, what’s happening? Chase says, Nina made a statement, and Jordan witnessed Sasha’s confession at the wedding. Michael says, Sasha’s grandmother was sick, and Chase asks if he knows how many times they’ve heard that, and the grandmother is fine. Michael says he checked, and Sasha’s story is true. Chase says he’ll share the information, but Sasha told Nina that she acted alone. Michael says Chase doesn’t believe that, does he? Chase says, the complaint was made, and charges have been filed. He has to do his job. Michael asks, what about Nelle’s parole hearing? and Chase says he’ll take care of it. He tells Michael to stay there. If all goes well, he’ll keep Sasha out of prison, and Chase will do his best to see that Nelle stays behind bars.
Brad texts Julian that Nelle’s parole hearing is today. Michael will be there. What if she tells him? Lucas comes in, and asks Brad to tell him more about therapy. Brad says Neil wants to see the both of them. He’ll just tell him no. Lucas says he’d be happy to go. He wants Brad to feel better, and to stop calling another man’s name in his sleep.
Nelle says Martin has been nothing but negative, and wonders why she bothered hiring him. He says she didn’t. He took the case pro bono. She asks why take it if he thinks she’s going to lose? but he says he doesn’t. He only cautioned her that she may not win today. She asks what she’s supposed to do, and he says the Nelle he met was charming and sweet. Be that Nelle today, not the one she is now.
Lulu admits it wasn’t the outcome she expected, but her conscience is clear. Maxie says, good. Sasha is on her way to jail, and Nina is with Valentin, but Lulu can sleep at night. Lulu suggests Maxie get off her high horse. She had an illegal DNA test done. Maxie says she wanted to keep Nina from being exploited, but she stopped wanting to be right. She saw how Nina would light up when Sasha was in the room. Lulu says, Nina sat by Sasha’s bedside when she was sick. She was terrified to lose a daughter that wasn’t hers in the first place. Maxie says Lulu should have left well enough alone. Lulu says Nina is James’s aunt. If this had fallen in her lap, don’t say she wouldn’t have told the truth.
Nina tells Valentin, Sasha committed fraud, and broke her heart. She doesn’t understand why he’d want to let her go. Valentin thinks holding onto anger and chasing revenge might send Nina into a negative spiral. She asks, who is he? Next, he’ll be telling her to trust karma. Valentin says Sasha hurt her, and he wants her to be whole, and choose to heal, so she can be happy with him and Charlotte. He wonders if that’s enough for her.
In the interrogation room, Michael tells Sasha that he was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. She says, her too, but Nina wants justice, and she should have it. He asks if she’s thinking of pleading guilty, and she says, maybe, but she’s just saying she doesn’t blame Nina. Michael says before Alexis gets there, she should consider making a deal. Sasha doesn’t know what she’d have to offer, and Michael says, tell her that Valentin masterminded the scheme. He had three DNA tests falsified, and is a bigger fish than she is. Robert will jump at the opportunity, so would Laura and the rest of Nikolas’s family. Alexis comes in, and says she has a copy of the charges. Sasha perpetrated fraud and pretended to be Nina’s daughter? Sasha says, it’s true, and Michael asks if Alexis can help her.
Julian tears up the flyer. Lucas comes in, and Julian asks if everything is okay. Lucas says he was hoping Julian would talk him down. Shiloh is dead, and there’s no more threat to Wiley, but Brad is still tense and anxious. He’s was talking in his sleep. He kept saying, Michael.
Chase comes into the parole hearing room, and Nelle asks where Michael is. Chase says, he had a family emergency. Lucky her, right? The board comes in and sits down. A woman says they have an initial application for parole. She thanks Chase for being there, and says they’ve read impact statements from Michael, Carly, and other members of the Corinthos family. Nelle has requested an attorney be present, which isn’t necessary, but allowed. She says they’ll hear from Chase first, and then Nelle.
Julian asks if Lucas thinks Brad is cheating. Lucas says, of course (🍷) not, but since Wiley has been in their lives, he’s been different. He’s hard to read. Lucas wishes he knew what was going on in Brad’s head. Julian doesn’t think that’s going to happen, but Lucas says, it might. Brad’s therapist wants to see them both. He’s glad Brad found a safe space to talk about what’s bothering him.
Martin says Nelle has been a model prisoner. The warden said – and he quotes – he’s never seen a prisoner turn their life around as thoroughly as Nelle, and thinks she would be an asset to the world outside these walls. The woman asks if Nelle has taken responsibility for her crimes, and Nelle says, she has now. Although her hormones were raging because of her sweet little Jonah, she can’t blame her crimes on what was going on inside her. She takes full responsibility for the heinous actions that hurt so many. When she realized what she’d done, she had a breakdown, and was sent to Ferncliff. When she returned, she had the drive and determination to make amends to so many people she’s hurt. No matter what, she’ll never stop trying.
Alexis says, Sasha entered Nina’s home with the intent to commit fraud, but Sasha says that’s not why she went to Windymere, but okay. Alexis says there’s criminal impersonation in the second degree. She pretended to be Nina’s daughter in order to benefit herself or harm someone else. Sasha says she never meant any harm, but it was about money in the beginning. Alexis says, that’s a class A demeanor, and knocks out second degree burglary. She says she needs Michael to leave now; it will compromise the case if he stays. Does he want that? He says, of course (🍷) not. He’ll see what he can do on his end. Sasha asks what he means, but he tells her, good luck, kisses her head, and jets. Alexis says now she wants the whole truth. What part did Valentin play in this?
Nina can’t see why Valentin wouldn’t want Sasha to pay, but he says, of course (🍷) he would. He’s worried about the toll it’s going to take on Nina. She’s going to have to rehash this over and over in court. Nina says, that makes it less appealing, and Valentin says she should focus on what makes her happy, like Charlotte. She says, and him. Valentin says he loves making her happy. Nina starts to say, it’s a consolation, but then says he’s so much more than that. She can’t wait to see where this unexpected new beginning takes them. Valentin says, how about city hall? They can get married today. Her phone dings, and she says, it’s Jax with his own marriage proposal. She laughs, and says she thought it was funny. Alexis is representing Sasha, and needs to speak with her. Valentin says he’ll go with her, but she says, no; stay here. It’s something she needs to take care of on her own.
Maxie tells Lulu when she sees how much the truth hurt Nina and caused her to spiral, no. She wouldn’t have dashed Nina’s hopes. Lulu says, that’s not the question. If she’d known Sasha was lying, but didn’t know how it would play out, would she have told the truth? Maxie says, no. She thinks it would be better to keep the secret. Lulu says, like Maxie did when she was her surrogate? Maxie says, oh my God. I say, I’m not surprised she brought that up. I think Lulu is kidding herself all over the place.
Nelle tells the board, because of her good behavior, she got the privilege of training a support dog, and her sweet mutt Scrapple is going to a loving person. It breaks her heart, but knowing he’s going to a good home makes it less painful to say goodbye. Nothing will ever be as painful as letting go of the child she lost. Beautiful Jonah’s lifeless body was in her arms as she was saying goodbye. The only way for her to heal is to do good for others. She’s also been working at the hospice center, helping ease their pain. As hard as it will be to let them go as well, giving them comfort gives her comfort. If the board sees fit to release her, she intends to work in a hospice. Chase says, give him a break. It sounds pretty loud, but I assume the board doesn’t hear. She says she intends to be a productive member of society, and correct her mistakes. Being in prison gave her the opportunity to fix herself, and she thinks she’s a better person. She thanks them for hearing her case, and dabs at her eyes, looking at Brad. The woman says the board is ready to make a decision.
We see flowers on a grave. Kendra says, nine and a half years, his death went unpunished. We see it’s Kiefer’s grave, and she says, everything has changed. Shiloh told her that Kristina confessed that her mother ran him down. Alexis murdered him. Now it’s time to pay her back.
Alexis tells Sasha that she spoke to Robert. He’s willing to reduce the charges, and there will be no prison time. Sasha asks, what’s the catch? and Alexis says, no doubt Valentin had something to do with the fake DNA tests. Sasha says, she has a friend, but Alexis thinks it’s more than that. She thinks Sasha is covering for him. She asks if he’s threatening her, or if she’s doing this for Nina. Sasha says she never meant to hurt Nina, even though Nina wants to hurt her now. Nina comes in, and says, Alexis wanted to speak to her. Alexis says she has a proposal, and Nina says she’s not interested. Alexis says, hear her out. She’s not undermining Nina’s pain, but doesn’t think putting Sasha in prison will lighten the load. Nina asks if Alexis wants her to drop it, but Alexis says, not at all. She can sue Sasha in civil court. Nina says, Sasha has no money, but Alexis says they can hammer it out. Sasha is prepared to pay back every penny Nina spent; whatever she thinks is appropriate. What does Nina say?
Lulu says Maxie didn’t tell them that the child was hers and Spinelli’s, not Lulu and Dante’s. Maxie can’t believe Lulu is throwing that in her face. She thought they were past that. Lulu says, they are. She’s making a point. By the time the truth came out, she and Dante were deliriously in love with Connie, but it wasn’t Connie; it was Georgie. Maxie says the truth hurt everyone, and Lulu asks if she regrets telling the truth. Maxie says, of course (🍷) not. Lulu knows the truth can tear your guts out, but sooner or later every lie comes to light. The longer you wait, the deeper the pain. Does Maxie get it?
Valentin leaves Kelly’s, and Michael is waiting. He blocks Valentin, telling him, shut up and listen. He doesn’t know if Valentin had a hand in Sasha’s arrest, but he cares about Sasha. She did the noble thing by not implicating him. Valentin says that’s because he had nothing to do with it. Michael says they both know that’s not true, and he’s a lot less charitable than Sasha is.
The board tells Nelle that they can’t recommend parole at this time. Nelle says they can’t be serious.
Brad texts Lucas about Nelle’s parole hearing, and Julian asks if she made parole. Lucas says, she’s still safe behind bars. Julian says, at least until her next hearing.
Brad tells Nelle that he’s sorry. Martin says they only need two votes. She should be disappointed, but not defeated. For the next two years, she needs to keep her eyes on the prize. Nelle balks at two years, but he says it could be sooner. She says she’s trying, but she misses Wiley. Brad says he’ll send her pictures, and she says that will ease the pain until she’s finally free.
Michael says he knows everything Valentin did. Sasha told him everything. Valentin says then she’ll be hearing from his attorney; that’s slander. Michael says, time’s up, and Valentin says, just hers. She was hoping to save herself. Michael says if Sasha doesn’t tell the DA, he will.
Alexis asks if Nina thinks it’s possible to keep this out of criminal court, but Nina says, no. Sasha knew what she was doing was wrong. She could have come clean at any time. Instead, she lied to Nina’s face. Nina mothered her. Sasha allowed Nina to love her, and all that time, Sasha pretended to love her back. Sasha says she does love Nina. Nina says if that’s how she loves someone, God help her enemies. Take her love and take her deal, and the both of them can go to hell. She leaves, and Sasha says she didn’t expect Nina to agree. Alexis says neither did she, but it was worth a try. Sasha asks, what happens next?
Kendra tells Kiefer that she’ll always miss him, but justice for his death will lighten the load. She takes a container of the supplement out of her backpack, and says, Alexis said she needs a refill. She puts something into it, and says she’ll make sure Alexis gets it.
Lulu tells Maxie, Michael better be careful. Valentin is dangerous. Maxie says, Michael has Sonny and Jason. Valentin can’t touch Michael, and they both know that.
Valentin tells Michael to do himself a favor, and stay out of it. Sasha is playing him like she did Valentin. She lied to everyone. Michael says she did lie because she didn’t implicate Valentin. She was willing to save Valentin, but if Valentin doesn’t get Nina to back off, and Sasha goes to prison, he’ll make sure Valentin goes down with her. He walks away.
Tomorrow, Lucas asks Brad what else he’s hiding, Doc says he has to determine if Franco is in his right mind, and Jason visits someone in prison.
The Real Housewives of Dallas
Brandi brings Brooklyn to cheerleading practice. In Brandi’s interview, she says when she was Brooklyn’s age, she wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleader, but she never pushed it on her girls. When Brooklyn came to her, she was secretly glad. Everything is a struggle in their relationship, and she has high hopes this might be a bonding experience. Brooklyn tells Brandi that her form is terrible, and Brandi says it’s been twenty years. Brandi stands at the top of a pyramid. She tells Brooklyn that she didn’t have the proper training, and it was hard. In her interview, she says, growing up, her parents couldn’t afford private lessons. She just taught herself. She tells Brooklyn, it’s all about her core.
Kameron meets Stephanie at a coffee shop. She asks how Stephanie’s weekend is going, and Stephanie says, good. She tells Kameron that they had their differences at LeeAnne’s shower, but she’d love to close that chapter and figure it out. She feels like they’re past it. She knows Kameron hasn’t felt accepted in the past, and they’ve both felt judged. She’s sorry. Kameron says she felt like their issues began when she and Brandi tangled. Brandi was screaming in her face, and saying the eff word, and Stephanie just sat there not saying anything. When someone is attacked, it’s appropriate to stick up for them. Stephanie says she’s not Jesus, but Kameron thinks Stephanie feels afraid about what Brandi will think. Stephanie says she’ll defend someone when she sees a clear-cut right and wrong. In Stephanie’s interview, she says if Kameron had just walked away, she would have stepped in, but what Kameron did was ten times worse. Kameron says, a good friend would say, sit down and don’t yell in people’s faces. Stephanie says she was having a hard time during the trip, and Kameron says Stephanie talked to Kary, who she just met, when Kameron has known her for two years. Stephanie says she didn’t feel that Kameron was the person she wanted to go to in that moment. She’d love to have the kind of relationship where they can lean on one another, and be more than surface friends. She doesn’t tell Kameron deep things. Kameron says she thought they had the kind of friendship where they could call one another about anything, and Stephanie thinks Kameron is minimizing what she’s saying. Kameron says Stephanie is telling her the friendship is just surface level. In Kameron’s interview, she says she put effort in to being friends with Stephanie. She reached out, and thought she’d worked it out with her. Now she’s saying Kameron is a surface friend? What the eff? Kameron tells Stephanie, she can’t. She was attacked, and thought her friend would be there. Now Stephanie is telling her that she’s a bad friend, when she should have been defending her friend about getting attacked. In Stephanie’s interview, she says when she’s fighting with Kameron, she feels like a hamster in a wheel. When it’s over, you feel like you got the sh*t kicked out of you. Kameron says she’s all about being a good person, and apologizes if Stephanie felt it wasn’t there. Stephanie understands that Kameron felt alone, and she’s trying honor those feelings and move on. Kameron wants to move on too. She wants Stephanie to feel comfortable, and she’s glad they talked. In her interview, Stephanie says it’s the most exhausting day of her life. She feels like she’s given birth to a six-foot blonde baby. She tells Kameron that they’ll work together to work it out, and thanks Kameron for meeting her.
Brandi and Stephanie meet for lunch. Brandi tells Stephanie that she knows Brandi is open to the spiritual realm, and thinks it would be fun if they did a haunted house. Stephanie thinks they should get a medium too. In Brandi’s interview, she says she always wanted to go to a haunted house she’s been hearing about for years. They can exorcise their demons. Stephanie tells her about meeting Kameron for coffee. It took a long time, but she thinks Kameron got it. In Stephanie’s interview, she says it’s hard for her. She’s been working with a coach on her self-esteem. She told Kameron how she felt and didn’t die doing it. It’s one small She tells Brandi that she never says how she feels. She doesn’t want to feel fake when she sees Kameron. Brandi says she wasn’t invited to LeeAnne’s bachelorette party, so she’s having a cheer party. Stephanie doesn’t think D’Andra was invited to anything, Brandi doesn’t think she was either, and Stephanie says, LeeAnne is celebrating every moment; there’s a ton of events. Everyone says what they’re invited to in their interviews, ending with D’Andra saying she didn’t get invited to anything, like Charlie Brown getting a bag of rocks. Stephanie says, LeeAnne might as well go all the way.
The bachelorette party is packed with guests. When LeeAnne arrives, everyone cheers. Steve puts a crown with a veil on her head. The veil has Rich’s face all over it. She tells the women that she got her hands filled (meaning, with fillers, not that she has stuff in her hands). She says they’re still swollen, and she slept with ice packs. In her interview, she says, they go between the knuckles with the needle. Ouch. In Kameron’s interview, she says they all know LeeAnne’s hands are not knives. LeeAnne finishes, they’re just hands. Kameron says it’s LeeAnne’s night to do whatever she wants. In her interview, Kameron says, LeeAnne is a true Texas woman, and it’s a total Texas thing to celebrate many, many times before your wedding. They all love it. Cary asks Stephanie if she and Kameron are good, and Stephanie says, peace above everything. Cary tells Kameron that she heard she and Stephanie had a good conversation, and Kameron says they’re good. Cary says she feels like Kameron is lying, and Kameron says she feels like some people are faking something. Cary tells her, go with her gut. In Kameron’s interview, she says she thinks Stephanie belittled her friendship. Kameron agreed to move forward, but she’s not moving any further forward. Steve welcomes the guests to Girls and Gays; LeeAnne’s bachelorette party. In LeeAnne’s interview, she says a tremendous amount of her friends are gay men. Drag queen Jenni P. dances for LeeAnne. In her interview, LeeAnne says she’s a drag queen trapped in an old white bitch’s body. In Kameron’s interview, she says, drag queens are better than strippers. Strippers are all sweaty, and they grab you, but you don’t know who they touched. LeeAnne gets a lap dance. The cake is brought out, and Steve says, it’s LeeAnne riding a wiener – i.e. a dark haired Barbie sitting on a penis cake. LeeAnne thanks them for coming, and there’s lots of hugging. In Kary’s interview, she says she feels guilty that D’Andra isn’t there. D’Andra introduced her to everyone, and they should both be there. She tells LeeAnne that she wasn’t invited to the wedding, and LeeAnne says she was. Her invitation must have gotten lost in the mail; 30% of mail gets lost. In Kary’s interview, she wonders why the credit card bills are always there, and jury duty notices never get lost. She asks LeeAnne why D’Andra isn’t there. Like it’s her freaking business. True story. When I was getting married, a good friend called, saying they hadn’t gotten an invitation. I sent another one, and both arrived on the same day.
LeeAnne says she’s waiting for D’Andra to reach out, and Kary says D’Andra already apologized. LeeAnne asks what if she told Kary that Eduardo was screwing other women, and she should own up to it because she owes LeeAnne that. Kary says she can’t keep bringing it up if she’s over it. LeeAnne says D’Andra committed the sin, but she should be the one that rises higher? Kary says she should be the bigger person, and LeeAnne says she always has been with D’Andra. D’Andra has the courage to talk sh*t about Rich when he’s faithful. She has the courage to trash Rich’s name, and destroy his reputation. Kary says, that’s not moving forward, and LeeAnne says Kary isn’t letting her finish. The one thing D’Andra has no courage for, is to come to her and say she misses LeeAnne as a friend. Kary says D’Andra invited LeeAnne to her party, and LeeAnne said she forgave D’Andra and wanted to move forward. We flash back to LeeAnne announcing that all she cared about was her and D’Andra taking steps to move forward. LeeAnne tells Kary, D’Andra hasn’t taken any steps to do that, and asks if Kary wants to see her phone. Actions speak louder than words. In Kary’s interview, she thinks LeeAnne is a hypocrite when she says she wants to move forward. LeeAnne says she reached out to D’Andra; now it’s D’Andra’s turn to step up and grow up. Everyone else gets it. Kary says she’ll ask them. In LeeAnne’s interview, she says Kary told her that she was the negative one, and now Kary comes to her bachelorette party and acts negative. Kary asks Kameron and Stephanie if they think it’s weird that D’Andra wasn’t invited. Kameron doesn’t think D’Andra is really making an effort, and Stephanie thinks LeeAnne and D’Andra should mend things one-on-one. Kary says, D’Andra apologized, but LeeAnne says, so did she. She’s waited 51 years to get married. She’s screwed a lot of frogs. Kary says, that’s not the point, but LeeAnne says, it is. It’s about her; it’s her wedding, and is only happening once in her life. Kary says, D’Andra’s 50th birthday was important, but LeeAnne says, so is a wedding for a woman who’s waited this long to get married. In Kameron’s interview, she says, this isn’t cool. It’s LeeAnne’s time to have fun. LeeAnne asks if Kary thinks she should invite D’Andra even though she talked sh*t about Rich. Kary says she thought LeeAnne was forgiving D’Andra, and LeeAnne says, Rich hasn’t. We flash back to him saying forgiving is the Christian thing to do. D’oh! LeeAnne says she’s not making her party about someone who’s not there. These are the people who love and want to celebrate her. Kary says, D’Andra is that person, but LeeAnne says, she’s not. Kameron says D’Andra hasn’t come to LeeAnne, and Kary says, D’Andra apologized. LeeAnne says, that’s different. In Stephanie’s interview, she thinks LeeAnne and D’Andra should just move forward, or leave each other alone. LeeAnne is sorry Kary doesn’t understand. The people there have shown her via their actions how much they love her. So when D’Andra gives her action, she’ll get an invite. Until then, she can stand in the vasectomy line. Cary is like, what? and LeeAnne says, it sounds good. LeeAnne goes to Steve, and says she’s getting flack because the great almighty fat cow isn’t there to be worshiped. Meow!
Brandi checks out the haunted house. Hill House Manor owner Linda thanks her for coming. In Brandi’s interview, she says the house is outside Dallas. You can rent it and go ghost hunting. Linda says it was purchased as an investment property, but they couldn’t keep it rented because of the tenants having experiences. She personally had a conversation with someone on the other side of the shower curtain. She thought it was her husband. She tells Brandi, they have ghost hunters there frequently, and they have all kinds of events. In her interview, Brandi says she’s been able to see into the spiritual realm since she was little. As a child, she saw her grandmother. It’s hard to open up about it without looking like she’s crazy. Linda says Brandi has her number, and if there are any problems, text her.
Kary has everyone meet at her place. D’Andra asks Kary if she’s ready. Kary says she’s just going along for the ride. She’s had no personal experiences, but she’s open to it. She explains Mexico’s Day of the Dead. (I love a sugar skull!) She asks if D’Andra has heard from LeeAnne. We see a clip of D’Andra telling Kary that she’ll send a text, but that’s it. D’Andra says LeeAnne texted back, thanking her for reaching out, and saying she thought D’Andra was upset about something that happened in Mexico, and it made her sad. She added that all weddings should be elopements, because it’s too much work. Kary asks if something happened in Mexico, but D’Andra says nothing happened. In her interview, she says she and LeeAnne got along fantastically. LeeAnne doesn’t want to see or include her, and is putting it on her. It’s complete bullsh*t. Kameron joins them, and Kary asks if she’s ready for ghosts. Kameron says she’s afraid.
Stephanie meets Brandi at the house. In Stephanie’s interview, she says she’s never encountered a ghost, but how bad could a ghost be? She thinks Southern ghosts would display good hospitality. She tells Brandi that she’s scared she’ll need an exorcism. Brandi suggests they pray, and asks God, if it’s His will, to open their eyes to things they don’t know. She asks if they should pray for the others, but Stephanie says, they can pray for themselves. Brandi says she’s so bad. I guess we’ll let it slide that this is contrary to any Christian belief.
Kary thinks some people see ghosts. D’Andra says they lived in a haunted house, but her dad always had the ghost visits. Kary asks if LeeAnne believes in ghosts, and LeeAnne says she prays there’s an afterlife. Kary tells her, Brandi says she can see ghosts. In LeeAnne’s interview, she’s not happy with Kary, so she’s ghosting her.
As they pull up to the house, Brandi flashes the lights from inside, and the women get all weird. Brandi tells them to hurry in; she saw something. Kameron says, that’s not funny, and Brandi leads them to the murder room. Kameron screams, and something moves. Kary calls Brandi a stinker, and Brandi suggests they have drinks. Kameron says she needs a lot of drinks, and LeeAnne wonders if ghosts have bars. In her interview, LeeAnne says she thinks ghosts are bullsh*t. Mostly because she grew up in a carnival, where they convinced people to believe that bullsh*t, and took their money. She had a deeply religious upbringing, and was told it was witchery. It’s anti-religious, and against Christian beliefs. What I said, but longer. Brandi says, a medium is coming, and boo! there’s a knock at the door. Medium Lisa introduces herself. Kameron says she’s not a fan. A friend once got in contact with Kameron’s dog using a Ouija board. She felt her dog’s tail brush against her, and freaked out. It’s scary for her. Lisa says on any property, there’s some sort of spirit or ghost activity. She gives each of them a pendulum, and says, it can only answer yes or no questions.
They go to a room that has toys in it, and Lisa thinks it’s a home for kids who have passed, and come back to play. Kary wants to sit on the floor, and Lisa tells her to roll the ball and see if they’ll play. Stephanie rolls the ball, and says she’d love to play, but nothing happens. Brandi says, they don’t want to play with the ball anymore, and it’s sad. The ball rolls back, and they freak out. In LeeAnne’s interview, she says, you know what balls do? They roll. Unless they’re attached to a scrotum. They go back downstairs, and Kary asks if Lisa does readings. Lisa says she’d rather do that in private, and they go out on the porch. In Kary’s interview, she says she knows mediums are intuitive, and if Lisa is the real deal and can give her insight, why not take advantage of that? Lisa tells Kary that she had a rough start in life, but good things have happened over the years. Kary may have felt… Kary says, it’s not fair. Lisa says Kary made her way through, and is stronger. Kary asks about her husband, and Lisa says, it’s a good relationship. She sees nothing wrong. They hug. Most. Boring. Reading. Ever. And nothing I didn’t know, so I assume nothing Kary didn’t know either.
D’Andra asks the pendulum if she should have more tequila, and answers, yes. Kary comes back in, and LeeAnne asks if Lisa saw ghosts around her. Kary says Lisa told her that she had a rough start, but she’s been lucky. LeeAnne asks what was difficult about Kary’s childhood, and Kary says her parents were alcoholics. Her dad said he couldn’t live with her mom, but he was keeping Kary. Her mom had to kidnap her, and took her to Mexico, where she grew up. Since her mom was an alcoholic, she had to parent herself. LeeAnne asks how young she was when she started going to clubs, and Kary says, fourteen. LeeAnne says she was thirteen when she started having sex. Kary says she was nineteen, and LeeAnne says, people who have been sexually abused, use sex. I Kary’s interview, she says, LeeAnne thinks she’s the only one who had a tough life, and her childhood experiences are more important, but it’s not a competition. Wow. She got all that from one sentence? Kary thinks she could have made excuses, but chose to be positive and enjoy life. LeeAnne asks if that was directed at her, but Kary says, no. I say, yeah, right, and LeeAnne says people have said she uses her childhood as an excuse. Kary says, does she?
LeeAnne says she doesn’t think so, but it can be a catalyst for how she behaves. Kary says maybe people say that because she talks about it a lot. Brandi and D’Andra decide to check out the murder room. In Brandi’s interview, she says she’d rather hang out with a ghost, or the wall, than hear LeeAnne talk about this bullsh*t again. Kameron thinks it’s an explanation for some of LeeAnne’s actions. Kary says they all grew up a certain way, but that doesn’t excuse how they act. LeeAnne says how they live doesn’t have to be the same. In LeeAnne’s interview, she says comparing their childhoods is a joke. Kary needs to reserve her condescending judgement. Kary doesn’t think LeeAnne has gotten over it, and LeeAnne says she doesn’t think you ever do. Kary says, you have to forgive. When she did, she felt lucky to have what does now. There are screams from upstairs, and LeeAnne is 100% sure they’re scaring the sh*t out of each other. Kameron asks if they should get going, and LeeAnne says, she’s convinced nothing good happens after eleven.
D’Andra and Brandi come back downstairs, and D’Andra says they were trying to talk to the people in the rooms. She asks LeeAnne if she wants to go somewhere to talk, but LeeAnne says she’s fine with right there. Kameron looks like she wants to disappear. D’Andra says she sent LeeAnne a text because she was thinking about her. She doesn’t know what happened n Mexico; she thought they were fine. LeeAnne says he did too, but when she didn’t her from D’Andra, she thought maybe she said or did something. D’Andra says she knows weddings are crazy, and didn’t want to invade LeeAnne’s space. LeeAnne says she was trying to start a dialogue. In D’Andra’s interview, she says whatever LeeAnne wants from her, apparently she’s not giving it. LeeAnne is making it difficult to communicate, but maybe LeeAnne feels the same way about her. Kary says she told D’Andra about their talk, and thought she should send a text. She felt guilty about D’Andra not being at the bachelorette party. D’Andra wonders why invite Kary, who LeeAnne barely knows, and LeeAnne isn’t sure she did. Kary says Steve did, and reads his text and invite. LeeAnne says she didn’t give him Kary’s contact information, but thinks he knew she was on the list. In Kary’s interview, she says LeeAnne is trying to pretend she didn’t know Kary was invited, but she made up the list. Brandy asks if everyone is ready for night-night, because she’s used to talking to toddlers. She says, it’s been a spooktacular evening.
Next time, bunny Playboy Bun-Bun Redmond’s funeral, D’Andra thinks about taking out a loan, and Kameron suggests crashing Kary’s happy hour.
🐮 Doin’ It Big In Dallas…
Some snippets of LeeAnne’s wedding. Hint: it’s fabulous.
✨ Another Star Goes To the Sky…
He was Cherry.
At least Tarantino didn’t cut him out.
🎤 But Does He Love Cabaret…?
LuAnn rebounds in more ways than one.
💡 A Thought…
Black is the new black.
🔮 It’s Not Halloween Without It…
A classic from a classic.