What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
Jason tells Carly, he had a shot at Cyrus, and she asks why he didn’t take it. He says, because she was there. If there was a witness or things had gone sideways, she could be an accessory and he couldn’t take that chance. He had to let Cyrus live. Cyrus knows why, and now they’ll be vulnerable. Carly’s phone dings, and she looks at it. She tells Jason, they won’t be vulnerable. She solved it. The house phone rings, and Jason answers. He says, send him up, and tells Carly, go upstairs; Cyrus is there. She says, it worked, and he says, what worked? What did she do?
Ava and Nikolas walk into an empty Charlie’s, and Ava says, Julian was so proud of this place. She was proud of him having it. It’s not easy getting out of the business he was in. This place gave him a foundation and a purpose. He poured his heart and soul into it, trying to make a legitimate living, but it wasn’t enough to save his life. Being a Jerome is a hard habit to break. Nikolas asks if she’s expecting trouble, and she says, nothing she can’t handle.
Portia looks for Mac, but finds Jordan in the office. She says she didn’t realize Jordan was back. She needs to speak to Taggert before he’s released. Jordan says she owes Portia an apology. She hopes to fix the damage that’s been done. Portia says it will just be an excuse, and she doesn’t have time for empty promises. They both know Jordan will do the exact same thing again.
Laura meets Martin at the MetroCourt. He says she seems to have something on her mind. In the spirit of their newfound status as siblings, can he do anything to help? She says, actually, yes. He’s guessing it’s about Cyrus, and she says she needs leverage against their brother.
On the phone with Josslyn, Jax says he understands. Let him know if she changes her mind… He’ll talk to her later… He loves her too. Nina asks if everything is okay with Josslyn, and he says, not really. His daughter refuses to come to Australia with him. Nina says she thought it was all set, and she’d agreed, but he says, she comes from a long line of stubborn women on both sides. Nina asks how much danger Josslyn is really in, and he says, that’s just it. As long as Sonny is missing, no one knows what the next move will be on his so-called territory. Seeing a mob war in Port Charles isn’t pretty, and his daughter is refusing to stay out of the line of fire.
Carly opens the door, and asks how she can help Cyrus. He says she can’t. He walks up to Jason, and says, this bastard took his mother.
Nikolas tells Ava, the Jeromes attract their fair share of trouble, but the Cassadines have been known to cause chaos from time to time. She says they really are a perfect fit. Someone tries the door, and Nikolas opens it to Alexis. She says she saw the light on, and thought… She doesn’t know what she thought. Nikolas says he understands. Ava says she knows what Alexis is looking for. She blamed all of her problems on Julian, and now she’s realized too late that she wanted him back after all.
Portia says, Jordon doesn’t get to validate her feelings to assuage her guilt, and Jordan says, it was the only way. She wishes that wasn’t the case. Portia says, even if Jordan couldn’t tell her at first, why didn’t she say something after Portia started helping her? She falsified medical records for Jordan, and put her career on the line to buy her time. Jordan says, she appreciates the risk, and Portia asks if she didn’t do enough for Jordan to tell her that her ex was alive, and comfort her daughter with the truth. Jordan says she was trying to protect Trina, and Portia says they see how that worked out. Trina is devastated. Jordan took Trina’s father from her twice; once, pretending he was dead, and then destroying her faith in him.
Martin says Laura cuts right to the point, and she says she thinks they have the rest of their lives to get to know one another. Cyrus is dangerous right now, so she figured she’d start there. Please help her. He asks why she assumes he can, and she says she hasn’t known Cyrus that long. She never dreamed she’d have a half-brother who turned out to be an infamous drug lord. He reminds her that it’s alleged infamous drug lord. Cyrus was cleared of his crimes. She asks Martin not to tell her that Cyrus is a poor, misunderstood philanthropist. He sent a team of gunmen to Port Charles last winter, and she was one of the victims. He had a bomb planted in The Floating Rob that put her daughter into a coma. Martin says, something Laura has to understand about him, is that he’s a representative of the court; a servant of the law. He makes decisions based on evidence, not conjecture or hearsay. There’s no credible evidence to overturn Cyrus’s release. In the eyes of the law, he was cleared. That’s all they know, or can be sure of. She says she can’t tell if he’s turning a blind eye, or she read him wrong and he’s working for Cyrus.
Cyrus says his mother is a fragile, elderly woman, in need of constant medical care, and Jason asks what that has to do with him. Cyrus says, don’t BS him. Jason took her. Bring her back or there will be hell to pay. Jason says he doesn’t know where she is, but he can make inquiries. Cyrus tells Jason that he needs to do more than that. If his mother is harmed… Jason says, threats are not helpful. Like he told Cyrus on the pier, don’t try to escalate. If they keep the peace, no one will get hurt. Cyrus says, including his mother?
Jax says that he was counting on Carly to talk sense into Josslyn, and Nina says, maybe it slipped her mind. He says, her child’s safety? and she says, Carly’s husband is missing. He says, all the more reason for Josslyn, and the entire family to get out of town. What kind of a life is it for her? If he pisses someone off in his business, no one has to go into hiding. She asks if Josslyn told him why, and he says, she wanted to stay with her mother. She also mentioned Avery and Donna. She remembered Michael and Morgan being there during difficult periods of her life, and she wanted to do the same for her sisters. Nina says, she’s got a great heart, and he says he knows that, and he’s proud of her, but the agreement has always been, at the first sign of danger, she leaves with him. Nina says, he made the agreement when Josslyn was a kid. She hates to break it to him, but Josslyn isn’t a kid anymore. He asks what she’s saying. He should let Josslyn stay? She says, no. She’s saying maybe he needs a new agreement, but not with Carly – with Josslyn.
Laura asks if that’s how it is. Is Martin in Cyrus’s pocket? He says, no. He doesn’t work for Cyrus, or represent any of Cyrus’s legal affairs. She should be pleased to know they have no business aspirations in common. Laura says, that’s a relief, and he says, no matter how much he disapproves of Cyrus’s alleged misconduct, he owes Cyrus for his significant financial support of their mother. She says she understands family loyalty, and regardless of what Cyrus has become, he and Martin shared a childhood. She doesn’t have that loyalty. She and Cyrus are related, but they’re not family. Martin says, family are the people you come to love, no matter how. The city is an extension of her family, and she does what she can to protect it. Laura says she’d rather go against one brother than two, and he laughs. He says, he’s no crime lord, but he won’t be her enemy or adversary. She asks if he’ll be her ally.
Alexis says she saw the light, and was hoping… Ava says, for what, or who? Nikolas suggests Ava not kick Alexis while she’s down, and Ava asks if she should wait until Alexis sobers up. She was there when her brother did everything he could to win Alexis back, but it was never enough for her. Alexis thought Julian was unworthy. Alexis says, it’s an oversimplification, and Ava says, Julian made a million mistakes. He was a coward in many ways, but he was also heroic. Alexis says, he had his moments, and Ava says, generous of Alexis. She’s not blind. Julian had his faults. He made bad choices, scrambled to cover them, making worse choices, which eventually led to his death. If she wants to be angry at the people who hurt Julian while he was alive, she has the right to be. Alexis broke Julian’s heart. Nikolas says he gets it. It’s complicated. Feelings are complicated, but taking it out on Alexis isn’t helping. The momentary sensation of power Ava gets won’t ease the pain of Julian’s death. Ava says, power is better than grief, but he’s right. She has to consider that Julian never stopped loving Alexis. She doesn’t think he’d want her lashing out. Nikolas says, probably not, and Alexis says, are they kidding her? Is she seeing what she’s seeing, or is she that drunk? Have Nikolas and Ava fallen in love with each other?
Jason says Cyrus told him that he talked in facts not emotions. The fact is, Cyrus’s mother is missing, and making demands gets him no closer to finding her. Cyrus asks, what does? What does Jason want? Jason says he wants Cyrus to leave, and Cyrus says Carly is awfully quiet. She doesn’t seem that upset for a woman whose husband has vanished. Perhaps they arranged this between them. Carly says she can’t speak to his mother’s whereabouts, but she thinks his mother will find her way back to him. He’s lucky Jason is going to make inquiries; he usually finds what he’s looking for. Jason says Cyrus needs to leave before he calls the guards. Cyrus says, he and Sonny had their differences, but Sonny understood honor. He would never kidnap an elderly woman and use her as a hostage to guarantee Cyrus’s good behavior. Jason says, he’s not Sonny, and Cyrus leaves. Jason turns to Carly, and says, she took his mother? Carly says, they needed leverage. Now they have it.
Jason says Carly needs to tell him exactly what happened. How did she figure out where Cyrus mother was in the first place? She says, Laura, and sits down. She tells Jason, Laura’s biological father was Gordon Grey. He was married to Florence, and had two sons, Martin and Cyrus. Jason says, Cyrus is Laura’s half-brother? and Carly says, Laura just found out. She tracked Florence to a long-term care center in Vermont. He asks how she knows this, and she says, Laura stopped by, asking for Sonny. When she said Sonny was gone, Laura said they’d need protection, and Cyrus has a weak spot. Laura was referring to herself, but when she was explaining, she told Carly that Cyrus’s mother was in a facility in Vermont. After she left, Carly called Spinelli. He hacked into the facility’s computer, and arranged a transfer. Carly sent two guards and a nurse to take her to a safe house. Cyrus will never find her.
Alexis says, as absurd as a lecture is from the person who blackmailed her nephew into marriage… Ava says, what she’d like Alexis to understand is that she and Nikolas started out as adversaries, but found a connection deeper and more profound than they expected. Alexis says, that entire field has been fertilized how many times? The scenario is the same, and will play out for Ava and Nikolas, then end up the same way two people who are passionately in love with each other end up – at each other’s throats, fighting to the death.
Jordan tells Portia that she’s truly sorry Trina is hurting, but she was being watched. Because her grief was genuine, Taggert was able to stay hidden. Portia says they let Trina go on in pain, and Jordan says it provided a cover for her to make sound choices. Portia says Jordan makes it sound easy, but Jordan says she knows how much Taggert loves Trina. They hated this, but genuinely believed it kept Trina safer to be kept in the dark. Portia says while she’s grateful for Trina’s safety, she doesn’t allow decisions for her child to be made in a vacuum. She has a right to know. How would Jordan feel in her place?
Laura tells Martin, even if he won’t side with her, he’s not going to interfere with Cyrus being brought to justice, is he? Martin says he hears what she’s saying… and Laura says, but he won’t help her. He tells her, he didn’t say that. Cyrus runs in, and makes a beeline for their table, saying, she’s gone. Martin says, who? and Cyrus says, their mother is missing. They kidnapped her. Martin asks, who’s they? and Cyrus says, their sister. It can’t be a coincidence that mere days after Laura discovered where their mother was, their mother disappears. He looks at Laura, and says, it’s all her, isn’t it?
Martin says, someone has taken their mother, and Laura knew? Laura says, of course (🍷) not. She swears it’s the first she’s hearing of it. She’d never put their mother in harm’s way. Cyrus asks if he’s supposed to believe that Laura didn’t tell Carly about her new brothers and their ailing mother. Martin says, the Corinthos crime family has their mother? Laura says, before she’s convinced, does Cyrus have proof? Cyrus says, whatever she told Carly, was passed onto Jason. He has a reputation for being lethal. He went there, and tried to guarantee their mother’s safety, but Jason refused. Laura asks if Jason said they have her, but Cyrus says, of course (🍷) not. That self-righteous bastard never incriminates himself, but he knows Jason has her. Laura says, if Jason has her – and that’s a big if – she can’t believe he’d let anything happen to her. Cyrus asks if that’s supposed to be a word comfort. Martin says, their mother needs constant care. If they don’t know where she is, how do they know she’s all right? Laura promises to do everything in her power to bring their mother back safe and sound. Cyrus says she’d better keep her promise. If anything happens to their mother, the fact that she’s his sister won’t help her.
Jason asks who’s taking care of Florence? and Carly says, the best nurse she knows; her mother. He says she brought Bobbie into this? She says, her mother was happy to help. Cyrus had Julian plant a bomb in The Floating Rib that put Lulu in a permanent care facility. She was willing to do anything. Florence is perfectly safe and receiving excellent care, and as long as they have her, Cyrus won’t hurt the people Carly loves. Jason says he has two options. The first, is taking Florence back to Vermont tonight, or play this out – on one condition. He plays it out. If Cyrus finds out Carly set this in motion, he’ll retaliate against her. Let Cyrus think he did it. From now on, Florence is his hostage. She says, everyone who knows him, knows he wouldn’t kidnap an old lady, but he says, that’s the deal; stay completely out, or he takes Florence back tonight. She says, fine, but she’s not sorry. He says he’s not asking for an apology, but it was a line he thought he’d never cross, and she just crossed it for him. He walks out.
Jax says, Josslyn feels that she’s old enough to stay. She knows the truth about Sonny, who Sonny is, and understands the courses that need to be taken, especially after a long, extended lockdown. Nina says, Josslyn sounds like she’s making an informed decision. Given what she’s had to live through, she’s wise beyond her years, and very strong. Jax says, that’s his point. She should just be a kid, and enjoy life, not mourn her friend who’s been killed by a bomb. Nina says she agrees, but that’s not her reality. She thinks taking Josslyn away, if she wants to go or not, will be a terrible mistake.
Nikolas suggest they sober Alexis up, but Ava says, a cautionary tale like this deserves two fingers. He tells her that she’s not helping, and Alexis says, it’s foreplay, isn’t it? Them sniping at each other? Nikolas says he’s not discussing what goes on in his marriage bed with Alexis, especially given her condition. Ava gives Alexis a drink, and Alexis says, he’s right. It’s inappropriate for her to discuss things like that with him. He thanks her, and she turns to Ava, asking, when Nikolas sees Ava – really sees her – does he see all of her? Not just the shiny smother parts, but the shards, the broken pieces that were swept away in the dark corners of her soul. Ava says she believes he does, and Alexis says, to expose yourself in that way to someone you know you’re not supposed to trust, but do it anyway is so intoxicating and forbidden, it makes you devour each other. Ava says now that Alexis’s law career is over, she can start a new one, writing romance novels. Alexis says Ava is wrong about her and Julian. It had nothing to do with him being unworthy. Ava says, Alexis could have fooled her, and Alexis says, he was bad for her, and she loved him because of it. Ava says she knows, and Alexis says, it was crazy love, but it was great. She never felt more angry or passionate. She loved every minute, even the parts she hated, because it was poison, like Ava and Nikolas will be. Nikolas says, that’s enough.
Jordan tells Portia, the situation had no good options. She made the choice that would save the most lives, and she stands by it. Portia says they have no reason to discuss it further. She’ll speak to the desk sergeant. Jordan says, she won’t be able to bail Taggert out; he hasn’t been arraigned yet. Portia asks when the arraignment will be, and Jordan says, tomorrow. Taggert will be charged with fraud for faking his death. Portia says, which Jordan helped with, and Jordan says, keeping Taggert in custody while Cyrus is free is the safest place for him. Portia asks, what about the Feds? and Jordan says, eventually, Taggert will have to answer for perjury and false testimony, but for now, they’ll figure things out one at a time. She can arrange a meeting with Taggert and Trina, and Portia says, Trina will want to tear into him. Jordan says, if Trina wants to tear into her too, her door is always open. Portia says she’s always been honest with Jordan about her conversations with Curtis. She saw Curtis Christmas Eve. She said she understood that Jordan lying to protect Trina made him angry, but she told him to go home and talk to her.
Jax says he thought Nina was with him on this. If it was her daughter, wouldn’t she want to swoop in and take her away from danger? Nina says, of course (🍷) she’d want to, but it would still be wrong. It doesn’t matter what she’d think she’d do. She’s never met her daughter; her child is a blank slate, abstract. He and Josslyn have a great relationship. Josslyn is strong and brave, and knows her own mind. He and Carly raised a great kid, who’s eighteen now. She suggests he respect Josslyn’s wishes, and preserve the bond they have. Josslyn will be safer, thinking she has a wonderful father she can go to when she needs to, rather than him breaking his word, and proving he doesn’t trust her judgement by taking it away.
Nikolas tells Alexis, he’s sorry she’s hurting. He can’t imagine how Julian’s death has affected her. She says he won’t have to if they keep going down this road. He says she can’t take out her grief, rage, and loss on Ava. Alexis tells Ava that she’s sorry, and Ava says, no harm done. Nikolas says Alexis was right about one thing; her relationship with Julian was toxic. Look what it’s done to her. He and Ava are far from perfect, but whatever issues they have, they’re nothing like her and Julian. Alexis hopes he’s right. She doesn’t think he is, but she’s been wrong before. Nikolas says, it’s been a long night. He’ll drive her home. She says, it’s not necessary, but he says he’s not letting her drive. She says, neither would the state of New York. Her law license isn’t the only license she lost. Try saying that three times. (It is kind of hard.) She doesn’t want them to make the same mistake. Nikolas says he’ll get her a car, but Ava says, no. If they can benefit from honest advice, she’d like to hear what Alexis has to say. Alexis says, at some point, the seduction will end, the bond will end. And it will just be lies, deception, and manipulation; looking over their shoulders to see what scheme their partner is scheming, who they’re lying to, and what lies they’re telling for them. Then it constantly replays over and over until it becomes exhausting, and one day they wake up and realize it’s not love, but addiction. She’s an addict, but so are they, just like her. She walks out the door, and Nikolas follows.
Portia says she’s never seen Curtis happier than with Jordan. She hopes they can fix what’s broken. Jordan says, whatever choices she makes moving forward are her business, and Portia says, if she’s being informed by someone else’s experience, maybe Jordan can learn from their mistakes. Maybe there’s something Portia will say that can help, if Jordan decides to listen. Jordan says, all right, and Portia says she loved Taggert very much when they met and when they marred, even when she realized their marriage would always come in second. It was lonely. Knowing that his communication with his partner was more important than with his wife didn’t help, but they broke up because they couldn’t share a life together; she was shut out of so much of it. Jordan says, and Portia thinks that’s going to happen to her and Curtis? Portia says she knows it can, and it might be already. As angry as she is, she doesn’t wish it on Jordan or Curtis. She leaves, and Jordan sits at her desk, looking really sad.
Ava asks if Alexis got off all right, and Nikolas says he put her in the car. Whether she goes home or to another bar, she’ll probably end up drinking more either way. Ava says, far be it from her to judge. At least on that account. Nikolas says, Alexis was wrong about their relationship. Her relationship with Julian was twisted, and they made it work, but what she and Julian did to each other isn’t them, and will never be them. Ava says, of course (🍷) it won’t. Their feelings for each other, the way they need each other… He says, it’s totally different, and Ava says Alexis is seeing it through vodka colored glasses.
Martin says he’s never seen Cyrus so… He was going say concerned, but that doesn’t cover it. He’s afraid. Cyrus says, of course (🍷) he is. Their mother is old, sick, and frail. Just moving her… Martin says he knows, but what’s frightening Cyrus most? Her dying or never forgiving him?
Carly goes to Jax’s house, and he says he takes it there’s no word from Sonny. Carly says, not yet, and Nina says she hopes there is soon. Jax says, in the meantime, he’d like to know, if all hell breaks loose, will their daughter be caught in the crossfire?
Laura goes to Sonny’s house, and Jason answers the door. She says she needs to speak to Carly right away, but he says, sorry; Carly is out. She walks past him into the house, and says, he’ll do.
Tomorrow, Nina tells Valentin that she needs to quit kidding herself, Dante wants confirmation from the WSB, Laura tells Jason that he’s turned it into a war, and Franco tells someone to stop it.
Falmouth Harbour, Antigua. Ashling asks what time Elizabeth went to bed, and she says it was late. Ashling asks if she and James were in the hot tub, and Elizabeth admits they kissed. She wonders what James going to say. In Elizabeth’s interview, she says, it was amazing last night. She feels excited and giddy. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use the word giddy in real life. Eddie texts his mom about the virus. Francesca asks him if it’s hitting the U.S., and he says they’ve had the first death. It’s everywhere now. James does pull-ups using one of the railings, and Ashling says she feels fresh. Elizabeth is washing dishes, and Francesca notes that she got straight into it. She says Elizabeth seems flustered, and Elizabeth says she isn’t; she started working at 8:30. Francesca meets with the stews, and says, despite what happened with Elizabeth, she doesn’t want animosity. She wants them to work as a team, and no one is better than the other. She asks Ashling to clean the captain’s room, and puts Elizabeth on laundry. In Francesca’s interview, she says she’s still pissed at Elizabeth. It was super immature, and she could have been fired even before that. Elizabeth keeps disrespecting her, and it’s time for a wake-up call.
The captain tells Eddie that the new charter wants to be picked up in Jolly Harbour, two hours away. That’s what they’re about, making the guests happy. Eddie tells Izzy that Rachel bothered him last night. When she’s working, Rachel is a great master of her art, but when she’s drinking, it’s like an evil switch flipped. Izzy says, she’s like a gremlin on crack. The deckhands get the boat ready, and Rob says they’re living the dream.
The crew congregates in the crew mess, and Elizabeth is all giggly to be around James in close quarters. In James’s interview, he says he’s been in relationships on boats before. The less people who know, the better. He asks Elizabeth if Ashling knows, and Elizabeth says it was written all over her face. In his interview, James says he’s a little peeved, but he can’t let her know. Rachel calls Vincenzo, and tells him that she loves him. In Rachel’s interview, she says she’s worried. Vincenzo is traveling between France and Italy, in areas that are quarantined, and it’s scary. Milan has been quarantined, and the grocery stores are empty. Everything becomes overwhelming, and she needs to keep a clear head. Vincenzo is her best friend.
Eddie says he needs more sleep, and we flash back to Francesca telling Eddie and Rob goodnight, and Eddie telling Rob that she’s into him. In Rob’s interview, he says Francesca is giving off steamy vibes, but she’s above his paygrade. She’s like a steamy nut. Hot, but you can’t touch it. Rachel cleans up the galley, and the captain gets ready to dock. He tells the deckhands, they nailed it this time. Elizabeth and Izzy sit in the crew mess, and Izzy asks what Elizabeth did. Elizabeth says, nothing, but Izzy insists she did something. She asks if Elizabeth had kissy kissy with James, and Elizabeth admits she did. Izzy says she knew this would happen. In Izzy’s interview, she says she’s pretty sure James just wants a root to boot (new one on me), but Elizabeth wants to love on him and have an emotional connection. There’s no way it’s going to work out. Francesca wants to talk to Elizabeth, and they sit in the Sky Lounge. She tells Elizabeth that the reason she came in when Elizabeth was talking loud with Izzy, wasn’t because she was annoyed that they were talking about her and how Elizabeth felt. It’s how it’s affecting the crew by her screaming it. Trying to provoke Francesca and get attention is immature. Elizabeth says she tried not to talk about it, but Francesca says she doesn’t give a f***. Shut the door. Don’t get anyone else involved. Elizabeth agrees with Francesca, and Francesca says she’s letting Elizabeth know it’s unprofessional. Everyone gossips, but it’s the way she was doing it. Elizabeth says she respects Francesca, and wants to keep rocking the charter. In Elizabeth’s interview, she says Francesca took her stripe; now she’s taking her co-worker’s sympathy. Thank God for James.
Izzy says she heard James had fun in the hot tub, and he pretends not to know what she’s talking about. She says she’s proud of herself. She called this happening three weeks ago. Did he use protection? Rachel tells Captain Lee that she’s making the space work for her. He says, if she hasn’t been efficient so far, he’d like to see what happens when she is. He’s impressed. It’s time for the preference sheet meeting.
Primaries Tina and Mark are avid boaters, and socialize with their yacht club friends, some of whom will be coming. In Francesca’s interview, she says, these people are bad news. Boat people know everything they do. They want a Great Gatsby party, with a six-course tasting menu, and the water toys and jet skis. They don’t sound too awful, but in this bizarro yachting world where the most-likely-to-be demanding guests turn out to be a delight (and having seen the preview), I have the feeling they will be. Eddie asks James about Elizabeth, and James again feigns ignorance. Eddie asks if James thinks he was born last night. In Ashling’s interview, she says she thinks Izzy has a crush on James, but she doesn’t like to express her feelings. She’s better off, since James is a f***boy. Sorry, Elizabeth. Boy, she couldn’t have been more wrong (see below). Francesca calls for party decorations, feathers, and headpieces.
James texts Elizabeth, and they meet on deck. Elizabeth asks what James’s mom does, and he says she’s happily retired. Elizabeth says her mom is too. They talk dogs, and we find out James has French bulldogs, and the viewers collectively squee at their photo. In James’s interview, he says he wants to take it slow, and be careful. They discuss their common interests. and first loves. In his interview, James says she cheated on him, but never admitted it. It was five years ago, and why he doesn’t have relationships anymore. They go to bed, separately.
Everyone is up early for charter, and in Izzy’s interview, she says her body aches, and everything she eats tastes like sick. Provisions come in, and the captain calls Francesca for his pants. Elizabeth can’t find the starch, and radios Francesca, who asks Ashling where it is. Ashling says she told Elizabeth, and comes to the laundry room. Francesca says they’re stressing her out for no reason. They need to communicate. In Ashling’s interview, she says she’s always helping Elizabeth, and picking up the slack. She’s 100% team Francesca, and making her look bad in front of her boss is not okay. Francesca tells Elizabeth to listen more. Elizabeth brings Captain Lee his Cheerios. Funny, my dad had Cheerios every morning too, and also gave a bowl to the dog.
Francesca forgets to put on her third stripe, and Eddie asks if she demoted herself too. Elizabeth laaaaughs. The guests arrive, and Captain Lee says, they’ll get the luggage on board, Francesca will give them the tour, and they’ll get out of there. Eddie thinks it’s a good sign that they seem classy. Rachel makes a charcuterie platter. My Seanna moves out. All the lines are in, and Elizabeth pops more champagne. The crew gets in their blues, and the boat heads to Five Islands Harbour. Rachel finds her phone in the freezer where she put it by accident. In her interview, she says, her phone is frozen, and covid is happening. Now she can’t talk to her boyfriend. It’s f***ed up, and she’s going to have a breakdown. Will it be worse than the last one she had? Will she really punch someone in the scrotum this time?
Impatient for a drink, Mark wonders if the stews will be mad if they self-serve. Izzy tells Eddie that she’s run down, and has a head cold. He asks if she wants some vitamin C. Mark says, everyone is sober, but Tina tells him, it’s still early. He’d better pick up the slack for all of them. A couple of the guests wander to the galley, and tell Rachel that they’re looking for champagne. She radios Francesca, who radios Elizabeth, who’s already on her way. The guests tell her that she doesn’t have to ask if they want another. Alrighty then. In Izzy’s interview, she says she’s powering through. She doesn’t like to feel like she can’t do her job. One of the female guests tells Eddie that they need the shirt off his back, and he says he has a lot of shirts. Nice save. Rachel marinates some Wagyu beef, and prepares mahi-mahi for lunch. In her interview, she says, locally sourced products are really yummy. Did she go to the Rachel Ray School of Culinary Arts?
Eddie tells the guests that they have big trouble. There’s way too much fun planned. He tells them they have horseback riding on the beach slated for tomorrow, but Tina says she wants to go shopping in town. Another guest says, what about a party on the beach? and guest Karen says, put the slide up. I laugh, since it had to be a Karen. (Sorry, Karens of the world.) Primary Tina asks if Captain Lee can join them for dinner. In Eddie’s interview, he mimics the guests by talking with his hands, and says he hates boat people, making air quotes.
The guests drink some more. Francesca tells Captain Lee, they’re coming at the crew from all directions. They want to do it all at once. He says they don’t have enough people for that, and she says, they invited him to dinner. It’s a roaring 20s theme. Ashling helps Rachel thaw out her phone, and tells her about James and Elizabeth. Rachel says, shut the front door. James tells Izzy that her body is freaking out. She needs to rest. The guests go on jet skis, and Delores rides sidesaddle. The captain tells Rachel that he’s not wearing a silly ass costume, but Rachel says, a tuxedo is Great Gatsby. The guests move to the hot tub. In Francesca’s interview, she says, the guests are drinking a ton. They just arrived, and they’ve almost cleaned her out of champagne. She doesn’t know if they’re making it to dinner, and she’s scared. Eddie tells Captain Lee to do whatever he’s got to do to get out of this dinner. This group is going to be difficult. Tell them he came down with a cold and needs to sleep.
Rachel’s phone comes back, and she tells Elizabeth, she can’t believe she froze it, but it’s working. Francesca pours a drink, and Delores says, one, two, three, four, now’s the time to stop the pour. Five, six, seven, eight, now your drink is really great. The toys come in, and Francesca and Ashling decorate for dinner. Ashling tells Francesca, romance has begun with James and Elizabeth. In Francesca’s interview, she says she’s not surprised. There’s no work ethic going on. It’s a match made in heaven. Eddie tells Izzy to call it a night. Rob says, the guests have been drinking since 1 o’clock.
Izzy calls her sister Tori, who asks what she’s sick with. Izzy say she doubts it’s the virus. She was on a plane three weeks ago. Now I’m scared. In Izzy’s interview, she says she hasn’t been this sick long time. She’s hoping her immune disorder isn’t acting up again. She doesn’t want to end up paralyzed in a hospital. She wants to end the season, and feel like she accomplished something.
Izzy sleeps, and the guests gaze at the fish in the water. Delores says she wants to get in. Rachel makes waffles out of sweet potato tater tots. In her interview, she says she wonders what Great Gatsby is anyway. Leo DiCaprio waddling around? To her, a roaring 20s dinner is shenanigans. Something different, bigger, more over the top. She loves it, and would sign up for that. Delores wonders if she has champagne eyes. Tina and Mark check out the tablescape – feathers, bowler hats, pearls – and Tina says, it’s beautiful. Rob thanks he and James met in a previous life. In his interview, he says, the chemistry of two lost wandering souls found each other at sea. He loves fun guys. The guests sit, and Captain Lee joins them, wearing his dress uniform. He tells them, this is as Gatsby as he gets. He answers questions from the guests, like how many years he’s been a captain – thirty-five – and does he have any tattoos – no. Delores suggests they bring him downstairs. I have no idea what that means, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to find out. James and Elizbeth wash dishes, and in Rachel’s interview, she says she and Elizabeth are friends, but she was super effing disappointed to find out Elizabeth and James hooked up. James has been hitting on all the girls, and he pushed harder on the weakest link. Rachel plates. At the table, Delores burps. Loudly.
The next course is served. Elizabeth scarfs down a shrimp in the galley. Delores looks like she might get sick, and definitely doesn’t know what Rachel is saying when she presents the shrimp scampi. James pours Prohibition shots. Delores suggests they talk about the elephant n the room, and says they haven’t seen the captain naked in the water. She babbles nonsensically, and Mark says he’s going to put her in time out. Delores asks, how? and says he can put her in the water. In his interview, the captain says, Delores is drunker than a four-peckered goat. I have no idea what that means, and neither does anyone on Reddit. The guests think the waffles are amazing, and Captain Lee says Rachel has quite an imagination. Vincenzo texts Rachel, telling her that he’s home and not to worry. She says, thank God.
An incredible looking chocolate mousse dish is served, and Delores randomly tells Captain Lee that she could fix him up on jet skis he couldn’t imagine. He pretends to answer his radio, saying he thinks he heard an alarm. Mark says they can dress her up, but can’t take her out. The captain takes his leave, and heads for the galley, saying, that was full-on. He tells Rachel that the dinner was great. Francesca realizes she has to watch Delores, who wants to jump in the water. Francesca tells her, it’s not safe, and Tina tells her, there are sharks, and she doesn’t like sharks. The captain leans over the railing above, and says, no; she’s not getting in the water. That’s not happening. If he has to come in after her, she’s not going be happy. In his interview, he says, she’s very drunk, and it’s nighttime. She’s crossing the line, and he’s pissed. He’s not putting up with that; not for a second. Delores asks Francesca for peas, and says, fish like peas. She suddenly dives into the water, and Captain Lee says, son of a bitch, and runs downstairs. James offers to go in, but Francesca says he’s not going into the water either.
In Captain Lee’s interview, he says, it’s the ultimate f*** you. She’s drunk, it’s dark, and he doesn’t need someone who’s going to jeopardize their own life on his watch. It’s not going to happen. The other guests have heard the splash, and wonder what’s going on. In Francesca’s interview, she says, WTF? It’s total disrespect to the captain, her, all of the crew. It’s about safety. This has reached another level. It’s just mental. Francesca asks the captain if it’s okay for James to jump in. Tina says Delores is a good swimmer, but Captain Lee says he doesn’t care; she’s drunk. He doesn’t need any dead bodies. Delores yells to them, asking if she can have a drink. Or maybe it’s peas she wants. I’m not sure. The captain says she’s not having anything, and tells her, get your goddam ass back to this boat now. He adds for her to go around the other side, since there’s no way up on that one. She wonders if he’s pissed at her, and he says, very pissed. In James’s interview, he says, this woman gives zero f***s. At the table, one of the guests says, now Captain Lee won’t like them anymore, and points the finger at another guest, adding, because Delores is their friend.
The captain says Delores has stepped over the line, and he’s not tolerating this behavior. Delores rambles about how much she paid, and he says he doesn’t give a sh*t. Tina tells Delores not to ruin their time, and the captain says her charter just ended. He’s done. Get her ass out of the water. He’s going back to the dock. Elizabeth tells Rachel about Delores jumping in the water in her white dress, and says, now the captain is screaming at her. The captain stomps over to the table, and tells Mark, their charter is over. There’s a guest in the water, drunk, and she won’t come out. He’s headed back to the dock. He’s not putting up with this. In the captain’s interview, he says he’s so mad he can’t see straight. He doesn’t want to be responsible for someone that reckless with their own life. He doesn’t need the liability. Get your effing sh*t and get off my goddam boat. This is total bullsh*t.
There was no preview. I guess they’re just leaving it up to our imaginations. Will Delores walk the plank? Will she be drawn and quartered? Will another boat pick her up, and give her an eye patch and a parrot? Is the charter really cancelled? No more champagne for you.
🔮 No Discernment Award For Ashling…
I don’t think Izzy had a crush on James.
⚾️ Hitting It Out Of the Park…
I’m actually half-watching this now, but I know I’ll love it. The only thing better than watching TV is watching other people watch TV. Combine it with the Deck, and you’re bound to have a hit.
🏖 They’re Ba-a-ack…
The awful people from Summer House are back on February 4th, to lead their double-lives as sub-human teens in the Hamptons on the weekends, while working high-level, high-paying jobs in Manhattan during the week. I’ve actually come to like Hannah Berner on Chat Room, but the only redeeming quality of this show is how easy it is to make fun of. Watch the trailer. If you dare.
🤷🏻 Is She Or Isn’t She…?
The details are sketchy about her collapse, but apparently, Tanya Roberts is still hanging in there. I’d read this morning in the New York Post that she had died, but I wasn’t sure what I was more upset about, her death, or that they hadn’t mentioned The Beastmaster. I met her once at a convention (remember those?), and she was a very gracious person. As of this post, she still is.
🕺🏽 A-Leaping Out Like the Eleventh Lord…
It’s time to reprogram myself away from full-time eating, TV watching, and napping. You’d think I meant after the holidays, but unless the holidays started in April… While I’m readjusting, stay safe, stay maintaining balance, and stay not disobeying the captain by drunkenly jumping in the water after dark to feed peas to the fish.