Tag Archives: The Real Housewives of Potomac

April 16, 2017 – A Curse is Lifted, Suicide Squad is Okay by Me, Potomac Goes to the Races & Atlanta Reunites

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

In Neverland, the Lost Boys chase Hook. He slides down a hill and is surrounded. He says he has treasure and rum, but they want him to pay for what happened to Peter Pan. All of a sudden, the boys drop like flies. Tiger Lily is in the shadows with a blowgun, and reveals herself. She says she never expected to see Hook back again, and he says it wasn’t planned. He thanks her for the rescue, and she pokes him in the neck with a dart.

David tells Emma they never would have put her in the wardrobe if they’d known all this was going to happen. Henry tells her it’s going to be okay, and she says she knows. David tells Regina that the story can’t end like this; Emma can’t go into the final battle without her family. Regina says she’ll have to make do with just one of them. She’s working on breaking the curse, but it might be dangerous or life-threatening. David says whatever she has, it has to work. It’s not like it’s their first time. We flash back to a few other curses the Evil Queen has laid on them.

Snow/Mary strolls through parallel Storybrooke, but everyone is in bad moods. Archie claims Pongo is off gluten. She runs into Regina, and asks if there’s any news about a John Doe in the hospital. Regina says it looks like he may never wake up. Snow ditches the flowers she was bringing to the hospital, and sees a bloom through the cracks of the sidewalk.

Snow brings the flower to David. It makes purple sparkles in the air. The machine he’s attached to goes off, and he opens his eyes. He struggles to get out of bed, asking where the Evil Queen is. He says the guards stabbed him, and the curse brought them there. He tells “Mary” that Snow White is in there somewhere, and somewhere inside, she knows he loves her. She takes his hand, and calls him Charming.

In regular Storybrooke, Snow tells Regina that they have to do this now. Regina says it’s going to hurt. Zelena and Regina take the combined heart of Snow and sleeping David, and put the halves into a potion. When the hearts are done basting, the witches return them, but Snow keels over. Zelena says the magic weakened the hearts. A revived Snow says that Emma will have to fight the final battle without them.

At the parallel hospital, David asks for Grumpy’s help. Snow tells Grumpy (calling him Leroy) to pay no attention to this mental patient she found wandering around. Snow tells David that it’s called a curse for a reason, and everyone else doesn’t know about it. She gives him clothing to change into. He says he put Emma in the wardrobe, so she must be there too. She suggests they find Gold, and tells him to meet her at an abandoned farmhouse in an hour. Snow tells Regina that David was sleepwalking and headed into the woods.

In standard Storybrooke, David shows Emma a video Snow left. She says they have to work together. David tells Emma that her mother found a way to break the curse, but didn’t know it. He shows them a picture of some flower petals, and Zelena recognizes them as pixie petals. She tells them that the enemy is already there.

The Black Fairy shows up at Gold’s shop along with Gideon. Gold says Gideon concocted a ruse to bring the fairy there, and Gideon says that one day he might understand. Belle comes out from the back, and tells Gideon he can still come back to them. Gold tries to make magic, but the fairy stops him with the dagger. She says she practically invented dark magic, but she won’t force him to do anything. When he joins them, it will be because he wants to, and then they can be the family they were meant to be. She and Gideon disappear, poof! in a puff of silver smoke.

In strange Storybrooke, David goes to Gold’s shop. He doesn’t think Gold is under the curse, and wants to know where Emma is. Gold doesn’t know what he’s talking about. David says they’ll have to find Emma on their own, but Gold says maybe he can help. Hearing Emma’s name was the appropriate wake-up call, and now he gets what’s going on. David knows that Emma is destined to break the curse, but doesn’t know where she is. Gold tells him that the pixie dust can reunite anyone who shares true love.

Back in the sort of real world, David says they need Snow’s tracking skills to find the flower, so he has to go to sleep. He knows Hook is out there fighting for Emma too.

Tiger Lily smacks Hook awake. He’s tied up in a cave. He says someone’s life is depending on him getting out of there, but Tiger Lily needs him to deliver something to another realm. He says his love is in danger. She doesn’t believe he could possibly fall in love. She shows him a piece of driftwood and says it’s really a weapon, and the only chance of winning the coming war. He says it’s not their war, but she says there’s a great darkness on the horizon, and the Savior will die without it. He says that’s the woman he loves, and tells her to look in his pocket. She takes out the ring. Tiger Lily says the Black Fairy is in Storybrooke, and this is the Savior’s only hope to defeat her. Hook asks if she has any magic, and she says Pan might, but the Lost Boys outnumber them. He says they don’t stand a chance.

No one can find David in sleeping Storybrooke. Snow says they haven’t looked everywhere in the woods. Regina suggests Archie and Pongo check the mines. When they’re out of sight, Regina reveals an electrical box. She says the tunnel is rigged for demolition; one push it all comes down. She says Snow and John Doe are both awake, which means the curse isn’t working. Snow/Mary claims she was just doing her rounds at the hospital. Regina says Snow is a hero, who would never let the cricket die, but Mary has never stood up to her. She asks what it’s going to be. Snow clutches a pair scissors. The townspeople arrive, and Regina backs off of the box. Snow disappears.

Sliding sideways, Snow and Emma find a small field of pixie dust flowers. Snow says they grow in the presence of evil. The Black Fairy appears, and says she’s been waiting to meet Emma. They’ve been destined to clash since the beginning of time. Gideon joins them. Emma asks if this is it, and the Black Fairy says everyone will know when the final battle begins. Gideon makes the flowers disappear. Emma shoots an arrow at the Black Fairy and Gideon, but they both disappear, poof! in a puff of black smoke.

Tiger Lily explains to Hook that the weapon is what banished Black Fairy to the realm where she was trapped, and that she was once a fairy. Hook asks why she gave it up, like it was tennis or something. She says she failed in stopping the Black Fairy, so she hung up her wings, and took refuge in Neverland. She points out a tree that contains the sap Hook needs to find Emma. The Lost Boys are having a Burning Man Festival, and Tiger Lily shoots an arrow at them. They run after her. Hook hooks the tree and gets the sap. One of the boys sees him, and sounds an alarm. Hook gives his own shadow the driftwood to give to Emma. He drops down into a cluster of the Boys.

David and Snow meet at the farmhouse in parallel Storybrooke. She says Regina is on to them, and gives him the flower. Gold shows up. He says they’re awake, but everyone else asleep. Gold tells David that if they find Emma now, the curse won’t be broken, and everyone will stay asleep. He gives them a vial, and says it will put David and Snow back to sleep, and make everything right again. He says the potion is the only way forward.

In real Storybrooke, Emma knows she can’t change her destiny, and tells Snow it’s not their fault. Snow says there’s something she doesn’t know. They see a pixie dust flower peeking out from the snow.

In snoozing Storybrooke, Snow sprinkles the pixie dust into her hand. David tells her to think about Emma and let the magic do the rest. She throws the dust in the air, and a door appears. David opens it. They see young Emma in her bedroom, reading. Snow says if they go through the door, she won’t be the Savior. David tells her that Emma will have new destiny with them. Snow remembers that Regina said Snow is a hero who wouldn’t let anyone suffer to get what she wants, and she’s right. She can’t sacrifice everyone else’s happiness for her daughter. She says everyone is separated from those they love, and they can’t sentence them to that forever. They have to believe that Emma strong enough to grow up without them. David wishes she wasn’t right. Snow tells Emma that they’ll see her again, and closes the door.

She tells David there isn’t much time, and starts to cry. She didn’t think they’d be saying good-by so soon. He says he’ll always find her. She says one day, Emma will find them. They kiss. He drinks the potion, and falls asleep. Then Snow drinks it.

Regina messes with the pixie dust in original Storybrooke. She gives it to Snow, and Hook’s shadow flies in, and gives her the weapon. She asks where Hook is, and the shadow drops his hook at her feet. She says there’s something wrong, and asks where he is again. The show touches her cheek and disappears. Henry says they’ll find him. She says they don’t know where he is. Snow says the magic can open the door to Hook, and explains how they used it in the past. Emma says they had to do what was right for everyone else. Snow says today she’s putting Emma first. She says they can’t allow Hook to be taken, after they’ve already taken so much. Not before the final battle.

The Lost Boys sentence hook to death for his crimes against Peter Pan. The door appears, and Emma pops out. She and Tiger Lily kick ass. Emma and Hook go through the door and Tiger Lily jets.

Emma gets Hook back to Storybrooke, and says she got his message. He says he should never have run away, but she says tells him that she didn’t make it easy. He says there’s something he has to do before he gets pushed to another portal. He takes out the ring and proposes. He says he’ll always be by her side. She says no. Just kidding. She says yes, and they kiss. He puts the ring on her finger. He says it’s time he faced her father, but David is asleep. Emma explains that they went into a sleeping curse so she could save him.

Regina says there might be another way, but it’s risky.

Everyone gathers together. Regina says once Snow and Charming had a chance to find their own happiness, they chose the good of everyone there. She wants the people to do something for them now. She shows them a chalice, and says if they share the curse, they might dilute its power. Hook takes a sip; then Regina and Emma. The chalice is passed around. Grumpy says he could use a nap. These people are taking some pretty big sips. It must be an endless cup.

Snow and David’s eyes open. They hug and kiss. He says she did it, and she says she didn’t do anything. They find Hook and Emma asleep, but they slowly wake up, along with everyone else. Hook asks if Emma told David his secret. David says Hook is a changed man now, and they’ve all seen it, and everyone is all happy. Regina says it wouldn’t have worked if Snow hadn’t inspired them – she gave up her family. Snow says she did it for a better one, and they’ll defeat the Black Fairy. She tells Emma that she won’t be facing the fairy alone.

Gold meets the Black Fairy. He asks why she gave the dagger back to him. She tells him that he has to choose to be part of this family. He says she has Gideon’s heart, and tells her about Gideon keeping the flower alive as a way of resisting her. He has his mother in him. Gold says he’ll get Gideon’s heart back. The Black Fairy tells him that if he comes at her, there might be nothing left of the town when they’re done. He says he’s willing to pay that price.

Next time, Zelena isn’t afraid of the Black Fairy and vows to kills her, and an ultimate sacrifice will be made.

💣 Suicide Squad

Although I’d wanted to see Suicide Squad in the movies, it never happened. I really shouldn’t complain, since I have 500+ FIOS channels that I pay dearly for, and probably should watch something other than BRAVO. From what I’d read, this film was panned by the critics, but I enjoyed it a lot.

As a kid, I read both the Superman and Batman comics, as well as some other random ones. Doom Patrol was, and remains, my favorite. By the time these characters came along, my comic reading days were long gone. Out of the Squad members, Harley Quinn got high marks, as she brought to mind another favorite from back in the day, Batman’s Poison Ivy. When my friends and I used to act out our comic books – what do you expect from someone who started The Rocky Horror Picture Show cult? – I was always Poison Ivy. Since I’m not part of today’s comic scene, I had no expectations, which might have made a difference in my perception. I had no reference material to compare this with.

The plot was okay. It dragged in spots, and the whole Enchantress business isn’t exactly my thing, but while plot can be a plus, that’s not my reason for watching an action picture. I’m there for the action, colorful characters, and maybe a few good one-liners. On that, the movie delivered.

I also liked the subplot of Deadshot’s relationship with his daughter, and thought Will Smith’s performance was excellent. The costumes, the explosions, the effects – it was all good. And the soundtrack was fabulous. There was a lot of noise about the Joker not being in it all that much, compared to his presence in the previews, but I thought it was just enough. Jared Leto’s portrayal was so over-the-top, any more of it would have been overkill. I’d also heard that he took his Joker persona into his off-time on set, which gave it an extra eww! for me, since I find actors who do that rather creepy.

It’s on rotation on HBO now. If you’re paying for it, might as well watch it. It’s a lot of fun and you could do worse.

🏛 On tonight’s The Real Housewives of Potomac, the ladies went to the Preakness, and of course wore hats. I went to the Belmont Stakes once. I’d never been to the racetrack before, and was surprised that a race takes about two seconds. I didn’t wear a hat, and I didn’t win anything, except a drunk guy trying to pick me up outside of the ladies room. True story. Ashley is finding out that the restaurant business isn’t as easy as she thought, like every single restaurant owner on Kitchen Nightmares. Charisse is having some renovations done on her house, and I have to admit that I sometimes wonder what it’s like to be wealthy enough to be able to add a “fierce champagne room” to my home.

🍑 The excruciatingly long, four-part The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion has begun. The women all look gorgeous, although I’m not loving Porsha’s dress. It looks like she’s wearing a kimono ten sizes too big for her. A sparkly kimono. Sheree also keeps pulling up the top of her strapless number. Is she wearing She by Sheree? Although dumb as a post, Porsha got my vote for quote of the night: Andy…he’s messy. Out of the mouths of stupid. Things didn’t start escalating until almost the end, when Kandi and Porsha started to get into it. Most of the show was nonsense talk, but it looks like Porsha will be the one walking off this reunion. Probably not next week. I’m guessing that’s the carrot being dangled to get us to watch all four parts.

April 9, 2017 – Gearing Up for a Black Fairy Battle & Are You Wives or Shade Trees?

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

The Black Fairy carries a baby through the clouds. She lands in a coal mine. She tells a woman that this one isn’t for the mine. He’s to be cared for as though he was hers. (Or she could have said, it is mine. BA-DUM-CHH!) She tells baby Gideon that he won’t be needing the book any more, and tosses it aside.

In Storybrooke, Gideon tells Emma they’ll destroy the Black Fairy together. It’s impossible for Hook to return without her helping him. She knocks him down with some magic, and says if he doesn’t bring Hook back, she’ll make him do it. Gideon says she doesn’t frighten him; nothing does. She has no idea what he’s been through, being raised by the Black Fairy. He says that there are many waiting for him to protect them, and he’s very far from the bad guy. They have a common cause, whether she realizes it or not. He disappears, poof! in a puff of amber smoke.

Back in Gideon’s childhood days, the children the Black Fairy has imprisoned are being read to by Gideon. He says as long as he’s around, they’ll be safe from her. The Black Fairy enters, wishing them sweet dreams. She has a special bedtime story for Gideon, but she says that she sees he already has one, and takes the book from him. He says his real mother gave it to him, but she says she’s his real mother. Gideon says she’s not, and never will be. She says just because his mother was a hero, doesn’t make him one, and she’s going to show him exactly who he is.

She drags one of the children out of a cell. She tells him that if he wants to be a hero, to show her. The child cries to Gideon for help, but he does nothing. The Black Fairy calls him a coward, and says he has much to learn – from her.

In the present, Emma tells Gold that she has questions and she wants answers. She tells him that his son has a death wish. He banished Hook and wants her to help kill the Black Fairy. Gold explains that the Black Fairy is his mother. Belle says he wasn’t born evil; the Black Fairy made him this way. Gold says that’s not the only reason to save him, and that destroying the Black Fairy will save all of them. At present, she can only break out of her realm long enough to steal more children, but If she breaks free from her realm for good, it will be a disaster. He tells Emma that all of the darkness she’s ever faced comes from the Black Fairy, and if she isn’t destroyed, they’re doomed.

Regina works at the cauldron. She tells Henry that casting a curse is one thing, but breaking it’s another. Henry tells her that if anyone can break her own curse, it’s her. She says she’s undone everything, except the big one. She asks if Henry can go pick up some tongue of newt – not the eye. Henry suddenly starts writing furiously in some kind of code, and cataracts cover his eyes.

Some time ago, Gideon asks the Black Fairy what she wants. She says it’s his 28th birthday. She thought they should celebrate, since he’s grown into a strong, loyal son, and his magic has blossomed. She can’t find the key to her vault, and tells him it was stolen. She instructs him to go to the mines, find out who’s responsible, and make them pay. She puts something that looks like a dog whistle around his neck, and he goes.

Moving forward, Emma goes to the clock tower. She tells Gideon that he reminds her of Henry when he first needed her help. She asks for the sword, and he gives it to her. She says they have a deal, and let’s get her pirate back.

In another realm, Hook goes into a bar (not the start of a joke), and dumps out a load of gems on the card table. Blackbeard says he’s interrupting the game, and draws his sword. Hook says he needs a magic bean, and these are the finest gems from Agrabah. He has one more thing to offer. Blackbeard hasn’t had a vessel since he lost the Jolly Roger, and Hook asks, what’s a pirate without a ship? He suggests playing a hand of cards for the ship. Everyone gets out of the way, and Hook sits down.

Right now, Gideon takes Emma to the sorcerer’s mansion. Emma says extreme magic isn’t like hailing a cab, but Gideon says she has him. He zaps them both inside, and tells her to arrange the ingredients that are on the table. She lights a candle, and he hands her the napkin that has her tears on it. A huge claw comes bursting through the door, followed by a giant spider. Gideon says it’s a message. I guess the Black Fairy hasn’t heard about texting. They throw bolts of magic at the spider, and Emma tells Gideon to run. Since I’m not afraid of spiders, this has never been my horror thing, but as spiders go, this one is pretty scary.

Back at the mines, Gideon tells everyone to gather around. He says his mother has been generous to them, and one of them has stolen the key from her. If it’s returned now, they’ll only face his wrath. He says with just a bit of magic, he can turn them into vermin. He pulls a kid out, and another one steps forward, saying it was him. He asks if Gideon remembers him. He reminds Gideon that he once read to him, but Gideon says he has no choice. The kid says he had no choice then, but he has a choice now; he knows his old friend is still in there. He tells Gideon to be the hero that he was meant to be, and help defeat the Black Fairy.

In the Storybrooke realm, the spider shoots webs on everything. Gideon says Emma’s magic is the only one strong enough to get into the Black Fairy’s realm. Webs are going everywhere, and they jet.

Sliding sideways, Blackbeard asks Hook what’s so important. Hook says the woman he loves is in danger. Blackbeard thinks maybe he should have kept the ship, and shows his hand, which I guess is a good one, but I don’t play cards. I could barely remember the high-scoring roles of the dice in Yahtzee when I went through a Yahtzee phase. Blackbeard tells Hook that it’s time to pay up. They go to the docks, but Hook says he forgot to mention that the ship is in the realm where Emma is, and he’ll have to give him the bean to get there. He also tells Blackbeard that he saw the six aces in his deck. Blackbeard says well played, but he’s coming along.

In the here and now, Regina asks Henry what the writing is about, but he doesn’t know. He asks why this happened, but Regina has no answers. She does know someone who might though. They go to a hospital. Emma says if Henry’s problem is being the author, they should ask the last one. She says hello to Isaac, and says they need to talk.

Isaac says he’s heard of this happening, but it never happened to him. He doesn’t think what he did was enough to get him locked up, and Regina says that he tried to kill them all. He says a writer needs motivation and inspiration. He wants out and a sports car; he wants to go back to the Big Apple. She suggests she drive a sports car over his head. He repeats that he wants freedom, a sports car, New York City, and because she’s being a pain, Hamilton tickets. I literally LOL. He says Henry’s writing is taking over, and he’s more powerful than he realizes. It’s only going to get worse, and Henry could end up in the cell next door.

Gideon and Emma run from the spider. He tells her she should leave, but she’s staying to help him.

Back in the mines, the kid asks where Gideon is taking him. Gideon explains that the reason the Black Fairy is collecting dust in the mine, is that she’s obsessed with perfecting the Dark Curse. Gideon asks what happened after he left, and the kid says it’s better left unsaid. Gideon apologizes, and says he regrets his weakness every day. The kid says they were children, but now they must stop her before it’s too late. The Savior can help them. He’s heard rumors of a crystal ball that can help them communicate across realms.

In the present day sorcerer’s mansion, the spider is squirting webs all over, and they’re covering everything. Emma and Gideon can’t leave the house. Emma gets stuck in a web, and Gideon takes the sword. He says once she’s dead, he can use the sword to channel the powers to another realm. The spider blocks the door. Gideon tells Emma that Hook’s return is impossible, and says he told her to walk away. He disappears, poof! in a puff of ocher smoke.

In whatever realm they landed, Blackbeard asks Hook where the Jolly Roger is, but Hook says it’s not his realm; something went wrong. He says whatever dark magic banished him, must have kept him from getting back. They hear whooping in the distance. Hook thinks he knows what it is. The Lost Boys. They’re in Neverland. The Lost Boys come after them, and they run.

Back to today, Emma struggles against the web. The spider screeches. Emma breaks free, but the spider binds her in a web cocoon. She gasps for air. In the clock tower, the sword is aglow. Gideon slices the air with it, and opens a portal. Emma is pulled toward the spider. The portal door in the clock tower starts to fizzle out, the spider suddenly backs off of Emma, and Gold appears. He wakes Emma, the magic withdraws from the sword. Emma and Gold make the spider tiny, and Emma steps on it. Too bad things don’t work that way IRL. Gold asks where Gideon is. Emma says he tried to kill her, and she’s sorry, but he can’t be saved; he’s evil.

The kid and Gideon look for the orb in a magic fish tank. Gideon pulls it out, and the kid (sorry, didn’t catch his name and figure he’s dispensable, so he’s been dubbed “the kid”) thanks him. The orb shatters, and the Black Fairy appears. She says she led them here, just like she led Gideon’s friend to the key. Gideon says it was a test. She says he was supposed to be different; he was a gift. She says his parents abandoned him, but she shared everything with him, and this is how he repays her. She’s disappointed in him. He says he should have stood up to her years ago. He’s not letting her do something terrible; the people have suffered long enough. Her lackeys grab the kid, and Gideon smacks her. She says there are many ways to hurt a person. She turns the kid into a spider, and she steps on him. She says Gideon could have saved him eons ago, but didn’t, so this is on him – and her boot. Okay, that was good. He calls her a monster. He says he’ll find the Savior and the Savior will destroy her. The Black Fairy says she knows all about the Savor, and has plans for her, just like she has plans for him. She takes his heart, and says now he’s hers in every way. He’ll do whatever she says. He’ll find the Savior and kill her. When the Savior dies, the sword will free her from her prison.

In Neverland, Blackbeard says that he thought Pan was dead. Hook says he is, and the Lost Boys took over. They get to the shore, and Blackbeard knocks Hook out. There’s a single canoe, and he makes a run for it. He tells Hook to enjoy his stay, adding, we’re pirates, what did you expect? He reminds Hook that he still owes him the ship. Uh-oh, here come the Lost Boys bearing torches.

Snow and Belle meet with Gold and Emma. Emma explains what happened, and tells them that Gideon is evil. Gold says he needs help. She says he needs to take responsibility for his actions, and Gold says he’ll do what he can to stop Gideon from being harmed. Snow says that they didn’t start this fight. Emma suggests they go home.

Belle tells Gold that Gideon is ripping them apart. He’s only been there a few days, and already caused all kinds of destruction. She thinks Emma is right, but Gold says he’s with the two of them now, and the Black Fairy’s damage is over.

In the clock tower, Gideon says that the Black Fairy’s plan failed. The Savior survived.

The Black Fairy appears – no poofing, no smoke. Gideon says the portal closed, but the Black Fairy says that as Emma’s life ebbed away, the portal opened just enough for her to slip through. She tells him he played his part to the hilt, and he says that he had no choice. She says a part of him wanted to help her, part of him always does. He says of course. She says good, because they have much to do.

Isaac tells Regina that he wanted sports car, and wouldn’t drive this to a Ping-Pong tournament. This, is a station wagon. He supposes the Hamilton tickets are a no, and says nobody’s magic is that powerful. Very funny dialogue tonight. Isaac suggests that they follow him. He tells her that if she wants to know what’s going on, to take a look at the book. Henry says it’s the final chapter, and Isaac says, end of story. Henry asks what happens to the Savior, and Isaac says she fights the final battle – and nobody wants to be around to see that. He drives away into the night.

Next time, the Black Fairy squares off with Emma, history will be rewritten and the past will be altered, everyone could be trapped forever, and Snow and David must decide whether or not Emma will be born.

💀 Yeah, now that The Walking Dead finally reeled me back in, the season is over.

🍑 On The Real Housewives of Atlanta some of the ladies continue to act like children, mostly Phaedra and Porsha. Phaedra blows my mind, because she’s beyond shady; she’s downright nasty. She’s constantly after Kandi – I guess because she and Todd are friends with Apollo – but she never ceases to top herself. Now she’s involved in a lawsuit against Kandi by one of Kandi’s ex-employees. Bleh. Although when Kandi said that Phaedra was like Geppetto with a bunch of Pinocchios around her, I nearly fell off my chair, laughing. There was a party to unveil Chateau Sheree, and I have to say, both the party and house were very cool. Even if the house does have an unfinished basement, which Kenya made sure that we knew. Kim Zolciak Biermann made an appearance (is NeNe far behind?), and we had a fun flashback down Memory Lane, including the time Sheree tried to pull Kim’s wig off in the middle of the street. Good times… Kim and Kenya had an argument, and as usual, Porsha was falling out of her clothes. She also thinks her deceased father would be proud of her. For what? Assault charges, or not knowing that the Underground Railroad is not a real railroad? Cynthia tried to ditch Peter for the millionth time, so not much going on there. This was the finale, but the only interesting ending blurb was that Kandi wrote Ed Sheeran‘s recent hit, Shape of You. The reunion looks like it should be a doozie.

🍷 So far, The Real Housewives of Potomac is a bit of a snooze. Katie had her casino night, and everyone seemed way overdressed for the venue, which looked like a Holiday Inn meeting room. The night included a performance of the strangest tribute to the Jackson Five, or tribute to Michael Jackson (okay, I wasn’t paying attention, but it was a Jackson tribute), that I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen a lot of them. Or any really. It was a trio of dudes who looked and sounded like an act out of a high school middle school talent show. I honestly didn’t know what to make of it. We were introduced to new girl, Monique, whose husband is with the NFL. Maybe she’ll breathe some life into this already stale group.

🙌 And this goes for every other day of the week too…

MondayAwesome

April 6, 2017 – Nelle and Anna Know It All, Potomac Movers and Shakers & a Coupla Macaroons

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Kiki wonders why Ava isn’t ready for their mani/pedi. Ava explains she’s still shaken up from the robbery. Kiki asks some questions, and Ava fills her in. Ava says they took something she doesn’t want anyone else to have.

Dante looks at the evidence bag with the pills in it.

Anna tells Valentin that they’re tryst meant something to her, like it did to him. She apologizes and takes his hand. She says she’s given him a lot to digest, so she’ll go. He asks her to wait.

Lulu is getting ready for her visit with Charlotte. She’s on the phone with the case worker, who obviously has some bad news, and gets cut off. Griff comes by, and she says Valentin is sabotaging her visit with her daughter.

Carly tells Bobbie she’s had so much bad news, she needs to process it. Bobbie asks if she wants company, and Carly says she does. She tells Bobbie that Jax is in town, and that Lady Jane passed away. Even worse, he’s the one who paid for the kidney. Geez, she barely took a breath in between those news gems.

Nelle meets with Jax at Perks. He says she’s wrong about Carly. He says she never contacted Nelle’s father about finding a kidney for Josslyn. He did.

Valentin says that Anna can’t just walk out like there’s nothing more to say. Anna says he must be furious, but at least he knows she wasn’t just stringing him along. She says he believes it was just manipulation on her part, but she knows it wasn’t, and doesn’t know how to convince him. She wonders what he wants from her, but he doesn’t know.

Lulu tells Griff the visit was postponed until tomorrow. He asks why, and she says the case worker practically hung up on her. She’s convinced Valentin is behind it. Griff says Valentin loves to play games, and Lulu thanks him for his support. Griff tells her that Valentin is dangerous (like she didn’t know), and he doesn’t believe Claudette committed suicide. Lulu says no man who could shoot Nicholas point blank should be a father. She runs off, and Griff tells her not to do anything stupid, which is like telling fire not to burn.

Michael meets Sonny, and tells him about Lady Jane. Sonny asks if Josslyn knows what happened with Nelle, and Michael says yes. Sonny wants to see her, but Michael doesn’t think it’s a good idea, since she’s hoping he and Carly get a divorce. Sonny says she might get her wish.

Bobbie can’t believe Jax never told Carly about the kidney. Carly says she’s disappointed, but doesn’t want to be a hypocrite – she would have done anything to save Josslyn, and a part of her feels grateful.

Jax tells Nelle that he thought because Frank had connections, he could help, but never knew he was going to use his own daughter. Nelle is like, did you think he was going to ask random strangers? Jax says he was desperate, and didn’t ask too many questions. He tells Nelle how sorry he is. He hopes she realizes she should be angry with him and not Carly. She tells him to stop lying for Carly.

Kiki asks Ava what was so important, and Ava says they took her charm bracelet. Kiki tells her that she’ll get it back. Ava says she just doesn’t like being without it, and sometimes evidence gets lost. She says she won’t relax until she gets it back, and Kiki says she’ll wait it out with her and go along to the station.

Dante meets with one of the perps who robbed The Floating Rib and his lawyer. He shows him the pills, and asks where the guy got them from.

Sonny tells Michael about he and Carly being asked to be Scout’s godparents. He says they agreed, but Carly made it clear that she wants to end the marriage. Michael says he wants to check in on her. Sonny knows how he must feel. Michael doesn’t like it, but he loves them, and will support them no matter what.

Michael leaves, and Griff sees Sonny. He says Sonny looks like he needs someone to talk to. Sonny tells him that it didn’t go well with Carly. He doesn’t want to get into it, and Griff says he’ll keep Sonny in his prayers. Sonny says he’s not sure prayer is going to be enough.

Bobbie asks Carly if it changes how she feels about Nelle. Carly says Frank selling a piece of his daughter is a terrible thing, but it doesn’t give her pass. Carly says she played the perfect part, slept with Sonny, and waited for the perfect moment to blow up everyone’s lives. She’ll never forgive her for that.

Nelle thinks Jax is lying. He says when he first met her, he thought maybe she knew his part in finding the kidney, and then realized she didn’t. He asks if she didn’t notice how his attitude changed toward her, when Carly was welcoming from the start because she didn’t know anything. Nelle says her father told her what happened, but Jax says that he can prove that Frank was lying.

Anna says perhaps she and Valentin could give each other another chance, so they don’t have to be enemies moving forward. Someone bangs on the door. Lulu bursts in, saying that Valentin’s little game isn’t working. She asks if Anna is there to arrest him, and says he’s not screwing up her relationship with her daughter.

Ava asks what Kiki’s news is, and Kiki tells her about registering for nurse’s aide classes. Ava says it’s a step up from the MetroCort. Kiki says she likes feeling like she’s helping people, and Ava says they’re lucky to have her. Kiki tells Ava that she’s learning a lot in the psyche ward, and is hoping to work there permanently. Ava says she doesn’t remember Kiki being interested in that, and Kiki says she is now. She wants to understand what happened to Morgan.

The perp wonders why Dante is asking about the pills, and says they’re not his drugs. Dante says they were his brother’s, and there’s no reason the pills should be there. He wants to know how they ended up with the other stuff. Dante tells him that this is his chance to make a difference, and maybe a difference with the judge. He asks who the pills came from. Like the perp took attendance. What is amusing though, is that Ava was the only one asked for her name.

Before Griff moves on, Sonny suggests that he say twenty prayers. Sonny is about to leave, when Bobbie comes in. He says he knows what she’s thinking, but she says she doesn’t. She knows he loves his kids and Carly, but every time, Carly ends up being the one who gets hurt.

Michael visits Carly. She thanks him for being there for Josslyn. Michael tells her about running into Sonny. He asks if they’re getting a divorce. Carly says she can’t think about it right now. She and Jax have been discussing something important about Nelle.

Jax shows Nelle a copy of the cashed check. He says Frank insisted on a personal check; he probably wanted to use it for blackmail later. He explains that Carly thought the kidney came from Jake. Nelle insists that her father never saw any check. Jax shows her the copy on his phone. I have to agree with Nelle here that this would be an easy thing to fake. I don’t see how showing her a picture of a signature would be enough to convince her of anything.

Sonny tells Bobbie that in his defense, he was grieving, but he never wanted any of this to happen. Bobbie says she understands more than he realizes, and grief takes away the ability to reason. What she doesn’t understand is why he didn’t warn Carly. He says he wishes he had, and she says her too.

Ava suggests pediatrics, but Kiki wants to understand how Morgan spun out of control so badly. It’s a place to start, and she wants to help. It’s also about doing something worthwhile. Ava wants to see her continue to move forward, but Kiki says everything she learns makes it more puzzling. She spoke to a doctor who was struck by how fast it happened. Morgan’s moods went out of control within weeks. She wonders how his medication quit so completely and quickly. Ava tells her she’s not going to get an answer.

The perp says he doesn’t talk to cops. Dante asks if he’s going to throw away his chance. The lawyer says only the DA can make that call. The perp says he’s no snitch and he’s not helping. Dante tells him good luck with prison. He gives the pills to an officer to get prints and DNA.

Sonny gets a text and jets out of Kelly’s.

Lulu insists that Valentin is playing games with her visitation. Anna says he knows where to find her, and gets the hell out of there. Valentin doesn’t know what Lulu is talking about. Lulu says the visit was canceled, and he says this is the first he’s hearing about it. He looks at his phone, and says Mrs. Watkins had a family emergency. Lulu says he could have created the emergency. He tells her that she’s so self-centered and entitled, he doesn’t need to cause a problem for her. Lulu says maybe he did it, maybe not, but he kept Charlotte from her for years and no child is safe with him. She will get custody. He tells her to that it’s the same, tired argument, and asks what if they talk about something different, like Nelle? Lulu is the worst. She’s actually the one I think shouldn’t be around children. I’m also finding it hard to believe that visitation would be canceled because the case worker had an emergency, but it is Port Charles.

Nelle tells Jax that after the surgery when she was sick, Frank said he was waiting for the money and everything would be okay. She would be able to go to the school she wanted to. Then he disappeared for a few weeks, telling her that he had a great opportunity he had to take. When he came back, he said Carly never paid him, and it was an illegal transaction, so there was nothing he could do about it. She wanted to call Carly herself, so she found his address book. That’s when she saw it. She suddenly sits down, saying omg.

Valentin says he understands that Lulu introduced herself to Nelle, and that Nelle knows now that Lulu is trying to take Charlotte away from him. Lulu says the truth will come out to the court. Except for Nina, everyone in town hates him. Lulu says that Anna knows what he’s about, and Valentin says she’d be surprised what Anna knows.

Anna runs into Griff. He asks if everything is okay; he knows that she was searching for answers. She says she found them. It turns out she did do all the things that Valentin accused her of.

Michael says that Nelle’s story was true, except it was Jax, not Carly, but Carly says it’s not that simple. She understands how Frank’s lying could affect have affected Nelle, but she got twisted with revenge. Knowing Carly should have changed her opinion. She ruined all their lives, and Carly can’t get past Nelle using Morgan’s death to manipulate her. Everyone is sounding a bit entitled today.

Nelle says she believes Jax. Jax wants to make it right, but she wants to be left alone. He gives her his card, and tells her to call him. When she’s alone, Nelle says she did what her father wanted. She made Carly suffer. She made Carly hurt and hate her forever, and it was all a lie. Tears roll down her cheeks.

Kiki says she can’t forget about Morgan, and of course has questions. She asks why Ava is so upset, and Ava says she just wants what’s best for her. Kiki says working in the psyche ward is best. Ava gets a text to come to the station and identify her belongings. She tells Kiki to go to the salon without her; it’s going to be a non-event. She apologizes for snapping at Kiki. Kiki says she needs closure about Morgan.

Sonny goes to the station. Dante says it could be nothing, but something strange turned up in the robbery evidence – Morgan’s prescription bottle.

Anna tells Griff that it’s a long story, and she’ll tell him later. He says he’ll see her at her appointment tomorrow. They hug.

Valentin tells Lulu that if she has any future problems, to contact child services. When she gets outside, Lulu says it sounds like Nelle could be on her side. Although I’m not sure how she would get that from the conversation. Oh, maybe it’s that self-centered, entitled thing again.

Valentin recalls what Anna said and how she took his hand. Please, no.

Michael sees Nelle on the bench, crying.

Jax tells Carly that he told Nelle everything. He says she didn’t want to believe it at first, but something clicked. She had memories she didn’t want to share, but it hit her hard when she realized she’d been lied to her entire life. He asks if it changes the way Carly feels about Nelle, and Carly says not at all. He asks if it changes how she feels about him.

Sonny tells Dante that he’ll get the name of whoever had the pills. Dante tells him not to get involved. He’s having them analyzed for DNA and prints. Ava overhears.

Tomorrow, Jax asks Carly’s forgiveness, Michael tells Nelle that she can’t take it back, and Elizabeth asks Franco if he’s lying.

🏛 Trying to catch up with The Real Housewives of Potomac, and caught tonight’s rerun encore performance. The highlights were Ashley winning a dance contest for charity – or as Karen put it, “humping for a cause.” Apparently, Ashley has grown on Karen, which compels me to tell Ashley to run. Robyn and her ex main squeeze ex-husband guy she divorced, but is living with, have downsized, and now (horrors!) own a townhouse. Karen is also in the market for a new home – she wants us to know she’s “resizing, not downsizing” – and I thank God, my lucky stars, and the heavens that I’m not her realtor. The looks on the real estate agents’ faces as they show houses to her are priceless, and alone worth watching for.  (Yes, I know that was a grammatically terrible sentence – and I was an English major.)

🍰 Tonight, the kids on MasterChef Junior were mastering macaroons. Every single cookie looked fabulous, but unfortunately the pink lemonade ones – which sounded heavenly – were overcooked and crumbly. One boy attempted maple bacon macaroons, but I probably don’t have to tell you how that turned out. He definitely gets props for being bold though.

gordonramsay

April 3, 2017 – Agrabah is Found, Rick is Found Out & a Coupla Wives Notes

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

I’m not sure why, but I almost typed One Day at a Time. I must be having 70s TV flashbacks.

David paces as he processes that Hook killed his father. Emma tells him that she and Hook had a fight, and Hook left town.

The Nautilus speeds through the ocean. It goes out of control, and the crew is tossed all over the place. Nemo says they portalled into another realm. Hook says they have to go back to Storybrooke, but they need Kraken blood and Gideon used the last of it. I hate when that happens. Hook says they’re going hunting.

Jasmine and Aladdin are still looking for Agrabah. Aladdin insists it’s not there in the Enchanted Forest. He thinks they should just make a new home in Storybrooke, but Jasmine says sorry, she can’t. He tries to kiss her, and it’s a no. A ring falls out of her pocket, and she thinks the wish gave her a reminder of how she’s failed. She knows what she has to do.

Many years ago, in Agrabah, Jasmine’s father is offering a dowry, but she says there will be no engagement today. The king says he knows she wants to marry for love, but she has to think of duty; she needs a prince with an army. She says she’s already found a prince – Aladdin. Jafar pops in and says that Aladdin is a loser. He takes out a vial of sand, and tosses some of it at a potential suitor. He disappears, poof! in a puff of burgundy smoke. Jafar says the only way to save the kingdom is for Jasmine to marry him, but she says that’s not happening. He says if she doesn’t marry him by sundown, Agrabah will be destroyed.

In present time, Aladdin and Jasmine row across a lake. He reminds her that they can’t swim. Giant tentacles come out of the water, and they bat at them with the oars. You wouldn’t think this would be very effective, but an oar gets stuck in the creature’s mouth and it disappears. Hook rises out of the water on the Nautilus. He tells them to climb aboard before they get themselves killed.

David and Emma are interrupted by Regina who suggests that she, Emma and Snow have a ladies’ night out. I guess the curse is still going on because David goes home to trade places with Snow. Regina hears me and says she’s working on it.

Hook tells Jasmine and Aladdin that now he has no way to get back home, so thanks a lot. He says they could give him one of their wishes, but Aladdin says it won’t work. Jasmine says Jafar took Agrabah, but she can’t face him again. He took everything she cared about, and she’s afraid of him. She says they can’t find him anyway, but Hook says that’s not true; Jafar has revenge in his heart. He’s heard Jafar is handy with traveling between realms, and with any luck, they can all get back home. He tells Jasmine that she doesn’t have to face him alone this time. She says perhaps Agrabah has found its hero.

Emma goes through a box of treasures, and takes out a ring on a chain. Henry asks if she’s okay. Her phone rings, and she says she’s on her way. She tells Henry they’ll talk later.

Emma goes to the bar, Aesop’s Fables, and meets Regina and Snow, who tricked her into coming. Snow suggests she try an artisanal drink.

Jasmine asks if it helps Hook to stare at the sea. He says he never thought he’d live anywhere else, but every moment he stays there is killing him. He says it’s tough when the person you love doesn’t know how you feel. She agrees, and says she’s made some terrible mistakes in failing her people. She doesn’t think she deserves love. Hook says he was like that, and realized that hiding behind the guilt is the coward’s way. Jasmine says maybe she’s always been a coward.

Back in the day, Jasmine strolls through the market. A man chases a thief. She runs after them, thinking it’s Aladdin. The man takes the thief’s necklace, thinking he’s getting a bonus, and the thief turns into mermaid Ariel. Jasmine tells the man to give the necklace back to her and get lost. She gives the necklace back to Ariel, who says she didn’t have to do that. Jasmine says Agrabah is her city, and she doesn’t like guests treated poorly. I guess we’re ignoring the fact that Ariel stole something to begin with. Ariel says she’s’ looking for a prince. Jasmine asks if he has an army, and Ariel says he has a navy. Jasmine asks if she’s afraid of heights.

Jasmine and Ariel fly around on a magic carpet. Ariel looks through a small telescope, and sees her prince’s flag. Jasmine says let’s find him and save the city.

On the Nautilus, Aladdin asks Hook where Jasmine is, but Hook tells him he needs to concentrate on the maps he’s reading. Aladdin acts like he’s in middle school, asking Hook if he thinks Jasmine likes him. Hook repeats that he has to focus, but suddenly, the Nautilus is jarred. Nemo enters, saying that the Kraken’s damage was worse than they thought, and they’re taking on water. Hook says they’ve stalled. Jasmine joins them, and holds out the lamp. She says she wants to go to the island. They all disappear. No poof! or smoke or anything though.

Regina asks Emma how she feels. Snow calls out some Vikings for leaving the bar without paying. She has a wager; they play darts, and the loser pays both tabs. Emma says she knows Regina wants her to open up, but she’d rather be distracted, and this is a good one.

Aladdin wonders what the price for the wish will be. Hook has to leave, and says good-by to his brother and Nemo. He, Aladdin, and Jasmine leave to find Jafar. They’re led to a hut in the forest, and Hook says he didn’t think that Jafar would be in an off-season tiki bar. Aladdin says it looks like a museum, and Jasmine wonders who needs so many corkscrews. Hook explains the frustration of a cork not coming out of the bottle correctly. Jasmine picks up a vial of red sand that she’s seen before. They think they’re in Jafar’s lair, but it’s Ariel walks in. She tells them welcome to Hangman’s Island. She says she and Jasmine go way back, and Jasmine says she needs Ariel’s help again.

Way back when, the carpet lands. Ariel thinks Eric won’t remember her, but Jasmine says if she misses another chance, shell regret it forever. She says Ariel comes from a world that’s all water, and now she’s in the desert being all strong; she deserves whatever her heart desires.

Jasmine goes into a tent and sees Eric. He thought she changed her mind, but she says she was just scared. She tells him that she hopes he can accept her for who she is, or at least who she is in the water. He says he was bored with regular girls, and he has a love for her people, especially poached with capers. We’re all like, did he just say what we thought he did? and he turns into Jafar. Jasmine says he’s not her hero, but Jafar says it looks like he’s coming to her aid. He tells her time has run out, and she’s going to marry him.

Moving forward, Hook suggests they set the genie free if he gives them what they want. Jasmine can’t believe she’s going to face Jafar on purpose. He appears, poof! in a puff of khaki smoke. He thanks them for his freedom, and knocks everyone out except Jasmine. He wonders if things will work out better for her this time.

Ariel is up and around again, and Jasmine thinks they should look for someone with the heart of hero. Ariel says she stole something she thinks is magic. Jasmine says it’s a weapon, and it’s terrible. Ariel says she can do this. Jafar says he needs an answer. He poofs Ariel back to the sea, and threatens to destroy Agrabah. Jasmine says for the good of Agrabah, she’ll be his wife. He tells her that this is the moment she truly fails her people. He didn’t want to marry her or rule that grimy place. He says they loath him, and he’ll wipe them off the face of the earth. She says that she gave him the ring so that he wouldn’t harm them. He says if she’d stayed strong, he wouldn’t have been able to harm them, but thanks to her weakness, he can. He says he’s taking it beyond mankind’s grasp. Agrabah disappears.

Jasmine says Jafar has already taken everything. He says he has no more business with her, but with the ones who trapped him. He tells her to bring better people next time. She says they’re all heroes, and they think she is too. She asks where Agrabah is. Jafar says the answer amuses him, and he wonders why she can’t see it’s at her fingertips. She says the first wish worked, and she sees a tiny Agrabah in the ring. Jafar says it’s as she left it, except smaller. He asks for the ring, but she won’t give it to him. She holds up the vial, and asks if it looks familiar. He tries to take the ring, and she throws the vial at him, and he disappears poof! in a puff of magenta smoke. When the smoke clears, he’s a walking stick.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Aesop the bartender (although he prefers mixologist) gives Emma some drink ideas. He talks about story writing and lost love, and she relates. She thought Hook would stick through things no matter what, but when things got tough, he took off. Aesop gives her a napkin to dry her tears. She tells Snow and Regina that she needs to move on.

Jasmine tells Hook she’s sorry she couldn’t help him get home. He says maybe someone in Agrabah can. She explains that it’s in the ring. He asks if she doesn’t want to use the last wish to bring it back. She says if she was to use it, it would be to free Aladdin. Her father told her that duty comes before love, but she finally realized that the way to get Agrabah back is the kind of magic thatc ould break any curse. She kisses Aladdin, and poof! the city returns. Hook is impressed. Aladdin calls Jasmine a hero.

Hook takes out the Jafar stick. Ariel says she’s sure he’ll find someone to help him. She gives him a shell, and says they can get a signal to Storybrooke if someone is there to pick it up. He says he has one just like it at home.

Emma gets back and hears a rumbling from her treasure box. It’s Hook calling shell to shell. He says he didn’t mean to leave, and Gideon sent him away. He’d never leave her, but Gideon wanted him out of the way. He’s trying to get home, and won’t stop until he does. He loves her. She says she loves him too, but he doesn’t hear it.

Aesop walks up to Emma with the napkin in his hand, saying that as long as he holds the tears of the Savior, Hook can’t hear her. She should be careful where she leaves them. Emma says he’s not Aesop, and sure enough, he turns into Gideon. He tells her that he needs her help. She says not in a helping mood. He says love makes us do things we didn’t know possible, and Hook will stay where he is unless she helps him.

She has to do the one thing he could never do – kill the Black Fairy.

Next time, Emma says she won’t help Gideon, Gold says all darkness comes from the Black Fairy, and we go back to Neverland where there’s a giant spider!

The Walking Dead

♫ Easy street! ♫ Just kidding. Sasha listens to some blues on an iPod. She hears someone tell her to wake up. It’s Abe. They kiss. He says he’s all kinds of glad to see her. She asks if he’s back, and he says not yet. He tells her that Maggie is in trouble. She tells him not to go.

IRL, Negan tells Sasha welcome to the first day of the rest of her life, and bears some food. He says she’s going to help him get things back on track. He says he doesn’t want to see her die, so she doesn’t have to. Someone does, but not her. They’re going to help solve some sh*t. He gives her pancakes with a smiley face in berries on them. She asks what he needs from her.

Rick asks Dwight why, and he says he wants it stopped; he wants Negan dead, adding that they’re all Negan. Tara says the girl he murdered had a name. Her name was Denise, and she was a doctor who helped people. He says he wasn’t aiming for her. Daryl grabs him, and puts a knife in his face. Dwight tells him go ahead. Michonne doesn’t think they can trust him. Dwight says what he did, he was doing for someone else. Now he’s here, and so is Daryl, because of her. Tara encourages Daryl to kill Dwight, but Dwight says if they work together, they can stop them. Daryl knows he’s not lying. Daryl pulls back with the knife.

Rosita says they have Sasha. She doesn’t trust Dwight, but trusts Daryl. Rick says Negan is coming tomorrow. Dwight says he can slow them down by blocking the road with some trees, and buy time for them to get ready. If they can take them out, that’s where they start. He’ll radio back to the Sanctuary where Negan lives, telling them everything is okay. They drive the trucks back, get the workers on their side, go from outpost to outpost, and build an army.

Daryl tells Rick that if Dwight is lying, he’ll kill him slow. Rick says if he’s lying, this is already over.

In the alternate reality, Abe tells Sasha that he has to go. She tells him she had a dream that he died.

Negan tells Sasha that’s the plan. When she comes out, they’ll stand down, if they haven’t already. Lucille will have her say, and they’ll move forward with a new understanding. Sasha sheds a tear, and he asks if that’s for real. She says no one has to die, and he says you can’t do anything without punishment; it’s how they built everything they have. She repeats that no one has to die. Negan suggests just one then. He was going to pull three out, but just one and just for her. She agrees. Negan says she has him wrapped around her finger, and if she had a d*ck, he’d still feel the same way.

Maggie says they don’t have Oceanside, but they have the guns. She doesn’t trust Dwight. She says if Negan figures things out, they’ll need help. Jesus says it’s a tough decision, but he’s glad she’s the one making it. Enid gives her the pocket watch that Maggie’s father gave to Glenn.

Carol and some of the Kingdom knights come across a blockade of shopping carts, and Morgan wandering around. Carol asks if he wants to ambush them on his own. She says if he kills anyone, they might lose their advantage. Ezekiel asks if he seeks to extinguish everything he was. Morgan says he doesn’t seek it, but he’s stuck. Ezekiel asks if he wants the Saviors dead. He does. Ezekiel says that the Saviors are a dragon with many heads, and they have to seek allies. He asks Morgan to join them. He asks if Morgan wears Ben’s breastplate to honor him or for himself. He tells Morgan to fight with them; the Saviors will be defeated, so no one will suffer under them again. Ezekiel, Shiva/Sheba/Shoo-be-doo-be-doo, and the others move ahead. Morgan follows.

Rick and company roll out with a bunch of trucks and bicycles. The Scavengers are with them. Jadis asks Michonne if Rick is hers. Michonne thinks they should get back to work. Stupidest. Scene. Ever. And Jadis is not understandable half the time.

Aaron, Daryl, and Rosita put together some bombs.

Negan and his dudes find the tree blockade. Eugene asks if he could have the opportunity to slow their jets and cool their roll [sic].

The Alexandrians prepare for battle along with the Scavengers. One of the Scavenger chicks says “we win” to Michonne, because they talk like three-year-olds.

Sasha listens to more music, and says you know how this is gonna end. Abe tells her they’re going to walk out the door together, kick sh*t, and eat snakes. She wants to sit this one out. She tells him they were at the beach and he got pulled under. He didn’t come back up, and she was trying to find him, but he was gone and she started to drown. He says he hates the beach, and talks about getting sand where it shouldn’t be. I relate. He tells her, lets go help Maggie. Sasha says just once sit one out. She says Maggie’s gotta take care of Maggie.

Eugene says Sasha must have changed her mind about dying. He tells her she’ll adjust, but she says she’s not like him. He says if people die today it’s because of the choices they’ve made.

There are intermittent scenes of Sash and Maggie sitting on a wall. I’m sure they’ll be significant later. Sasha asks Maggie why they’re there.

The lookout alerts Rick. Rick tells Rosita to get in position and he’ll signal. They wait. They hear Eugene over the bullhorn saying all points are covered. He gets out of the truck, and says hello to Rick through the bullhorn, and I laugh because he’s not that far from Rick at this point. Eugene says the bottom line is they might die, but he hopes not. He says the jig is up, and asks if Rick will comply. Jadis looks at Rick. Rick asks where Negan is. Eugene says he’s Negan. I understand the face rick makes. Sort of amused and disgusted at the same time. He gives the signal, Rosita presses the button, everyone ducks, and nothing happens. The Scavengers aim guns at the Alexandirans and open the gate. Bastards!

Dwight comes out of the truck with Negan. The actual Negan. I guess we don’t know if he was sincere or not. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Michonne sees what’s going on, and that same Scavenger chick says,” we win” again. Well, sh*t.

Negan asks if he’s heard the one about the guy named Rick who thought he knew sh*t, but didn’t, and got everyone killed. Rick says he and Jadis had a deal, but she says she got a better one. Negan says he’s pushed, pushed, and pushed him. He just tried to blow them up. He says Eugene is one of his, and he stepped up. They’re a bunch of animals. The universe gives them a sign, and Rick shoves his finger up its ass. Negan certainly has a way with words. He tells Dwight and Simon, chop-chop.

They uncover a coffin. Everyone is like wth? They stand the coffin up. Negan says they must like Sasha, and so does he. He has her there, packaged for their convenience, alive and well. He brought her, so he wouldn’t have to kill all of them, but that might be complicated. He wants all their guns, every one of them, and a person of their own choosing for Lucille. He also wants Daryl back. And the pool table. Or Sasha dies. And then all of them. He says just because he brought Sasha in a casket, doesn’t mean she has to leave in it. He tells Rick that he sucks. Rick asks to see Sasha.

Negan opens the casket saying she’s not going to believe this.

Sasha tells Abe it felt real. Like they lost, but it’s just starting. He kisses her. He tells her to come on, and she says wait. He says he likes the way she calls bullsh*t, so let him return the favor. She’s going to tell him to stay and she’ll go. She wants to make up for what she said about Maggie. He tells her it’s always for someone else, and if they’re going to kick, there had better be a point to it. No matter where they are, Maggie is carrying the future. Sasha tells him that he’s right. He says putting yourself on the line for someone else, oh my, that is living. She laughs. They leave together.

We backtrack to before Sasha got in the coffin. Eugene walks out with Sasha. He says they could be watching the roads. He gives her an iPod, saying he wished he measured up. She says he still can, and she hasn’t given up on him. Sasha tells Negan that she can use a nap, and just give her a bottle of water. He says he knows this is tough, and appreciates it. She gets in the coffin, and he tells her that she’s something else.

Sasha looks at something – I couldn’t see what it was – and listens to the music. She takes the pill that Eugene gave her.

Negan opens the coffin and it’s zombie Sasha! She goes after Negan, and all hell breaks loose with everyone running around and shooting. Michonne and the Scavenger fight. Rosita is shot, but Tara gets her out of there. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Sasha continues to try and bite Negan’s face off. Someone pulls her off of him, so she bites that guy’s face off. Rick tells Jadis they can make another deal, and she answers by shooting him, and then pushing him off him off the platform they’re standing on.

More shooting. Michonne is getting her head bashed in, and Jadis has Rick hostage. All kinds of dead people are lying around, who are going to be zombies any second. Jadis acts like a big a-hole, pushing Rick around. She brings him to Negan.

Michonne pushes a broken piece of pottery into the Scavenger’s neck. Jadis tells Rick to get down on his knees, and puts him next to Carl. Negan says that RIck had to go with these filthy garbage people, no offense. He and Jadis look at each other, and she says something stupid. He tells Rick that this is going to make him sad and wish he was dead. Negan says, he’d want a kid like Rick’s, which makes this harder. He tells Carl it’s over. Michonne continues to fight with Scavenger. Rick looks around, and sees someone fall from a balcony, thinking it’s Michonne. I highly doubt Carl is a goner. There will be huge protests of Tiger Beat readers. Is that still a magazine?

Negan says that Rick just lost someone important, and he chose this. This isn’t a warning now, it’s punishment. He’s going to kill Carl with one nice hard swing because he likes him. Then Lucille is going to take Rick’s hands. Rick says he can take his hands, but he already told him he’s going to kill him; maybe not today or tomorrow, but nothing is going to change that. Nothing. He’s already dead. Negan twitches a little. Then smiles. He says, damn, wow, okay.

Negan goes to take a swing at Carl’s head, when Shiva comes out of nowhere, knocking him sideways. I applaud. Here comes Ezekiel with the troops. He says Alexandria will not fall; not on this day. Shiva eats Negan, or somebody. Horses and knights and guns, oh my! Nope, the tiger didn’t eat Negan. Morgan joins in the fray. Negan runs out of bullets. Shiva gets busy flattening people. This is really good!. It also comes to my attention that Jadis has highlights, which seems odd for a garbage person, but also reminds me that I need a hair appointment.

The Scavengers throw Molotov cocktails using soda cans. Everyone runs. The smoke begins to clear. Ezekiel says we finish this, and some of them run after the Saviors. Maggie is there too. Negan gives the finger as they drive away. Ha-ha! The gate closes. The Saviors are gone – for now.

Rick finds the Scavenger who had been fighting with Michonne dead on the ground. Michonne is all bloody, but alive. Rick is pretty happy about that. She says, we, we, we, and Rick says, we are, we will, and kisses the one spot that isn’t bruised. Michonne, Rick, and Carl form a tableau.

Back at Neganland, Negan looks at Eugene, wondering how Sasha ended up dead. Eugene thinks she ran out of air. Negan gets close to his face and says, maybe. He announces that they’re going to war, and everyone goes, yeah!

Maggie goes down Memory Lane with Rick, talking about how she made the right decision to come. She says the decision was made a long time ago. They were strangers and now mean the world to each other. She says Glenn didn’t know them, but put himself in danger for them, and that started it all from the farm to the prison to Alexandria, to this moment, not as strangers, but as family. As she talks, we see all of the characters interacting with one another. Daryl takes a little carved soldier out of the coffin, which I assume was what Sasha had been looking at. It says didn’t know on the back of it. Neither do I. Maggie says that because Glenn chose to be with him on that day, it was the decision that changed everything. It started with them, and grew; all of them to sacrifice for each other.

We see Maggie and Sasha sitting on the wall, smiling at each other, as Maggie continues. To suffer, to stand, to grieve, to give, to love, to live, to fight for each other. Glenn made the decision; she was just following his lead. We see Glenn’s watch in her hand.

Tonight’s show was in memory of Bernie Wrightson, an original creator of DC’s Swamp Thing, an illustrator, and creator of other wondrous creatures.

The Walking Dead will be back in October.

👠 I saw enough of The Real Housewives of Atlanta to see Phaedra get “Porshafied,” which apparently means wearing a wig and having your bosoms fall out of your dress. Another thing I caught was Sheree and Kenya bonding. The sad part was how they were relating over the aggressiveness of the men in their lives.

🏛 The jury is still out for the new season of The Real Housewives of Potomac. I’m just catching it now. For whatever reason, they decided to show triple the Atlanta and wait until the wee hours of the morning to rerun this one. A girl has to sleep sometime.

February 22, 2017 – The Jig is Up for Sam, Star Talk & Lots of Randomness

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Carly keeps trying to get ahold of Nelle, and leaving messages. Sonny asks who she’s talking to.

Michael wraps Nelle in a towel. He says the fire will do the rest. They almost kiss, and she says she can’t.

Ava calls for the guard, saying she wants to see the commissioner. She’s going to sue everyone because of a gross miscarriage of justice. I wonder how I can get a denim prison shirt like she’s wearing. Orange will never be the new black, but that shirt looks amazing, and apparently the Port Charles jail is fashion forward. Julian shows up. Ava asks if he’s there to get her out. I thought she didn’t want to be out?

Tracy is impatient, and Hayden says to let her work. Tracy asks if the Quartermaines will be able to save the hospital or not.

Jason sees Monica at the hospital, and tells her about how he was supposed to meet Sam there. He says the wires must have gotten crossed because there wasn’t an appointment listed. Monica thinks that’s odd. Jason says she’s probably on her way back home.

Olivia-J tells Sam about starting over. She notices Sam looking at her keyring, and asks if Sam knows what it says and if the characters mean anything to her.

Julian says he doesn’t like seeing Ava behind bars. She tells him to spring her then; tell them she had nothing to do with the bomb. He says if he could get her out, he would. She says he can tell the police it’s not her on the recording. She tells him that when he was on trial, she did everything she could to make sure he was acquitted. She blackmailed Paul, and this is how he repays her? Julian says he’ll get her out soon.

Olivia-J says the characters obviously struck chord with Sam. Sam says it’s beautiful. She tells Olivia she knows a  little about the Chinese culture, and was married in a Chinese restaurant. (Not the Chinese food pawn remedy shop.) She tells Olivia about the family who owned the restaurant. Olivia says that for those who believe, the symbols can infuse you with power and remind you of who you are against tremendous odds. Sam asks what it means to Olivia. Olivia says it means reincarnation.

Monica tells Jason that Hayden and Tracy are crunching the final numbers. The board meets tomorrow and will decide. She thanks Jason for his contribution, and he says he knows what the hospital means to the family. Monica gives him a blanket, and tells him that Lila knitted it when he was born. She was thrilled, and thought he’d be a blessing, and she was right. Jason thanks her, and they hug.

Hayden tells Tracy that it’s only a quick assessment and needs adjustment. Tracy asks if they can keep the hospital open. Monica pops in, and seconds that. Hayden says she thinks they did it.

Michael tells Nelle that he knows it’s awkward, but he won’t try to kiss her again. She says it can’t happen. He says he knows she has an agreement with a guy, and he can respect it if that’s what she wants, but if it’s her boyfriend’s idea, he’s crazy.

Carly tells Sonny not to worry, and it’s about his surprise. He wants to know what it is, but she says that she’s going to dangle it until she springs it. She says it involves a magic trick to make the whole world disappear. She has errands to run and leaves. Sonny calls Jason. He says they need to talk.

Hayden tells Monica and Tracy that nothing is settled, but they can risk a little celebration. Tracy says the board might still want to sell. She says some are concerned with the hospital’s well-being, but others are greedy bastards – to put it delicately. She says Fred Gray is leading the charge, and she thinks he’s made deals with the developers. She tells them that they don’t have time to prove wrong doing, but they need to make sure they have the necessary number of board members on their side. She tells Hayden that’s her job.

Ava asks Julian when she can expect to go home, and Julian tells her to be patient. She says another night kind of patient, or the next few years will fly by kind of patient? He says he’s left instructions with Alexis. Ava says Alexis hates her, but not as much as she hates Julian, and wants to know how Alexis will get her out. Julian says she’ll know soon, and to trust him. He says Alexis won’t know the instructions until she doesn’t hear from him, puzzling Ava.

Sonny tells Jason about talking to Robin, and that Ava isn’t Julian’s only sister. Jason says they did some digging, but she died in 1990. Sonny wonders if there’s another sister, and Jason suggests that maybe she’s not dead.

Olivia-J tells Sam that reincarnation has a particular meaning in her life. Sam flashes back to talking to Jason about Julian’s family. She asks Olivia what it means.

At Carly’s office, Bobbie talks to Felicia on the phone, and asks if she’s found out anything about Nelle. Carly comes in to get some champagne for the cabin. Since she keeps all the champagne in her office. Bobbie tells her that she was going through mail so that things didn’t get to behind, but now Carly can do it while they chat. Bobbie rests her hand on Nelle’s envelope.

Michael tells Nelle that he knows it’s none of his business, but he wouldn’t have said anything if he thought she was happy. She says she is, but he says she doesn’t seem like it. He says she plays things close to the vest, and she says it’s a defense mechanism. If you don’t give people details, they can’t use them against you; if you don’t share secrets, no one can betray you. Michael says if you keep yourself so closed off, it helps keep away those who will hurt you, but also keeps away the ones who could care about you.

Carly says the mail can wait; she has to get going. Bobbie asks about the latest Ava development. Carly says she wanted to kill Ava, and Bobbie says it does no good for her to throw her life away for that. Carly tells her that Sonny said the same thing. Bobbie says despite her objections in the past, she’s glad they’re back together. Carly tells her about the cabin, but Bobbie says the roads are impassible, so no romantic getaway.

Nelle says Michael means well, but doesn’t know her. She says not everyone is as lucky as he is. He doesn’t know where she got the idea he’s led a charmed life. He says he always had money, but he’s also been betrayed. She says he can get past it because he still has a loving family, but it won’t work out that way for her.

Jason tells Sonny that supposedly Julian killed Olivia-J (also Olivia St. John), shooting her in the back. Sonny says it’s possible she survived. Jason says if she did, there’s a good chance that she killed Morgan.

Ava asks Julian what’s going on, and Julian says it’s too dangerous; he can’t tell her. She asks who’s stopping him, and says that he seems terrified. She begs him to trust her. She might be able to help him even if she can’t help herself. She says they’ve betrayed each other and threatened to kill each other, but those experiences brought them closer. When it really matters, they stand together. Whatever danger he’s in, it affects her too. She asks what the hell is going on.

Olivia-J sneakily takes a picture of Sam in the car with her. She tells Sam that she had a defining moment when she became sober, and left her past behind. It was the epitome of reincarnation. She asks Sam if she’s ever had a defining moment.

Ava tells Julian that she’s the only family he can rely on. He says he wishes he could tell her. She says if their bond means anything, he will. He says okay, but his phone rings. It’s a text message from Olivia-J.

Sam tells Olivia-J that she’s a social drinker, but she knows she doesn’t have a problem, since she easily gave it up when she became pregnant. Olivia says she wasn’t referring specifically to drinking, but a turning point where she thought all was lost, and an opportunity presented itself. Sam asks her to pull over.

Hayden wonders how she’s supposed to convince the board members. Monica says Michael and Laura are on their side. Tracy says even if Hayden’s powers of persuasion aren’t great, they have a reasonable certainty of winning. She tells Monica to get out the bubbly. It’s almost a done deal.

Carly calls the caretaker at the cabin. She hopes Nelle doesn’t try to get off the mountain, but thinks she should be fine. She thanks Bobbie for not trashing her. Bobbie admits to being unfair.

Nelle tells Michael that when she was little, she dreamt of growing up, getting away, and finding someone to love her. But the older she got, the clearer it became that the deck was stacked against her. She made the decision that if she couldn’t have happiness, she’d settle for satisfaction, and she’ll do whatever is necessary to get it. Michael says it sounds like she’s fighting for something less than she deserves. He asks if it’s what she wants, and she says it’s all she’s going to get, and that she doesn’t deserve to be happy. Michael hugs her and says, yes, she does. Playing Michael must be the most boring acting job in the world.

Jason talks to Spinelli on the phone. He tells Sonny no luck yet, but if there’s any trace of Olivia-J on the internet, Spinelli will point them toward it. He talks about the picture of Julian as a kid that they found, and the Chinese characters. Sonny wonders if they’re false leads, and if Jason isn’t seeing what’s in front of him. Maybe it is Ava.

Olivia-J sends Julian the picture of her and Sam in the car. Ava wonders what he’s looking at, but he says he can’t tell her.

Sam tells Olivia-J that she has to go to the bathroom. Olivia suggests going to a gas station, but Sam says she has a friend who lives just over the footbridge. Olivia says she can’t let her do that.

Tracy, Hayden, and Monica toast to the hospital.  Hayden is going to call Finn with the good news. Tracy says to tell her backgammon partner that she scored the biggest win of all. Monica says they all did.

Jason tells Sonny that they need to make the right person pay. Carly walks in. She tells Jason that she heard he doesn’t think Ava planted the bomb. Jason tells her that he wants to be sure before moving on anything; he wants to do some digging, but they’ll be the first to know if he finds anything. After he’s gone, Sonny tells Carly not to keep him in suspense, but she says the surprise has been canceled.

Olivia-J tells Sam that she’ll drive her to the house. Sam says the roads aren’t paved, and if no one is home, she knows where the key is. Sam gets out of the car, and starts walking across the bridge. She begins to call Jason and drops phone. Olivia kicks it, saying that Sam must think she’s stupid and underestimates her, as many have. She says they might as well drop the pretense.

Monica says it’s a good end to lousy day, and she’s going home. Tracy says she’s glad she thought of the solution, and Monica says she didn’t. Hayden tells Tracy that Finn isn’t answering and when she called the hotel, he’d canceled his reservation.

Nelle tells Michael that she’s done awful things. He says he’ll still be there. She says she almost believes it, and he tells her that she should, since he’s a terrible liar. He says that he’s a Corrinthos, Quartermaine, and Spencer, which makes him arrogant and determined, with a tendency to gloat. Nelle says she thinks she’s ready for a new path.  He asks if he’s on that new path.

Bobbie tells Felicia that she almost got caught, and ask if she’s found out anything about Nelle. She says, oh God no, and that’s what she was afraid of.

Sonny asks what the surprise was going to be, and Carly tells him about the cabin. She says they can’t go, since there’s a blizzard. Sonny tells her that they don’t have to leave to block out the world. They have champagne, a fireplace, and each other. They kiss.

Julian tells Ava that he’s sorry. Ava says he was about to talk, gets a mysterious text, and clams up. He says in time he’ll explain. She says she doesn’t know why she thought he’d help, since he’s the reason she’s in there. She’s done with him playing games with her life. She tells him that she should have let him go to prison, and he’s dead to her. He says she has no idea.

Sam says Olivia-J is freaking her out, and to give phone back. She says if Olivia won’t give it to her, to give it to Alexis the next time she sees her. Sam starts to walk across the bridge, and Olivia draws a gun. She says Sam has figured out who she is, and no one else can know.

Tomorrow, Anna asks Valentin to tell her what she doesn’t remember, Gray tells Julian that complications have come up, and Hayden wonders why Finn is still taking the drug.

🌟 Still loving Star, although it’s the kind of show that breeds kids who can’t carry a tune in a bushel basket, yet audition for American Idol. You know the ones I mean. The ones who claim that music is “their whole life” and their parents have told them that they sing like Mariah Carey. And then they open their mouths to sing. Jahil’s (Benjamin Bratt) latest vocal find is a girl he saved from white slavery about five minutes ago, who can suddenly shake, rattle and roll better than J-Lo — and also suddenly speaks perfect English. Although I have to admit, I’m obsessed with the distressed knee-high boots she was wearing. This week, there was also an excellent musical fantasy jailhouse sequence that included Queen Latifah, who is too fabulous for words. The minor characters are exceptional as well. Besides my fondness for Miss Lawrence (who knew he had such lovely acting chops?), one of my favorites is Maggie (Helena Kallianiotes, who was in one of my favorite movies of all time, Kansas City Bomber – 1972), who rules the local strip club like an aging Elizabeth Taylor.

I’m surprised I don’t hear more about this series, or that it hasn’t been slammed for being inappropriate in some way, either by the overprotective or the ultra-PC. Like a favorite dog breed or design of jeans, it’s become a double- edged sword.  I want more people to like it so that it sticks around, but I don’t want it to become so popular that it implodes.

🎭 Another newbie that’s growing on me, with only three episodes under its belt, is Imposters on Bravo. The plot centers around a group of con-artists, at the middle of which is Maddie (Inbar Lavi), who marries rich men, or women, and absconds with their fortunes. While there are a couple of familiar faces (like Brian Benben and Mary Kay Place), most of the cast is relatively fresh. Uma Thurman has just made an appearance, and I can’t wait to see what she stirs up. Maddie is also developing feelings for a man she met on the way to a mark, which doesn’t make her boss too happy. It airs Tuesdays at 10 pm, so it’s a nice break for me between The Haves and the Have Nots, and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Bravo is doing well with its scripted shows. There’s an astounding amount of great television now – especially for those of us who remember having only four channels and a sign-off at one am – but the cable is still too damn high.

🍳 BTW, I can’t bring myself to watch My Kitchen Rules, even though I want to. Because, Brandi Glanville. What happened to the show with Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg? Is that gone already? I thought it was a brilliant idea.

🌺 Southern Charm returns on Monday, April 3, 9 pm. I was just thinking about that show, and wondering if it was coming back during my workout. There’s a triceps exercise that always reminds me of Thomas “raising the roof” in his election ad.

🏛 The Real Housewives of Potomac also makes a comeback on Sunday, April 2, 9 pm. So much to look forward to! Kind of sad that I just said that.

April 17, 2016 –Oz & the Underworld, Cait & the Dead, the Wives & the Shahs

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Hook wonders what Red would be doing there, but all they have as a clue is a torn piece of gingham.

Back in the Oz day, Mulan and Red are in the forest. Red finds no trace of her pack’s scent and they’re about to leave when they hear a growl. It’s Toto! Dorothy appears and says that Toto only barks when he sees a witch. Red says it must be that she’s part wolf. She makes him nervous and he takes off. The girls start to follow him, but a wind blows up.

Zelena tells Hades to put his name on the card next time. He says she has a visitor from Oz. He says it’s a werewolf who looks good in red. He wonders why Red would chase her all the way here. Zelena says all the goodwill between her and her sister will be undone if Regina learns the truth. Hades suggests she stay and face them. He says they would be quite a team. She says thanks, but no thanks, her time in the Underworld is over. He says either way, he’s taking care of the wolf.

Belle is upset for not showing Gaston mercy and Gold tells her to stop torturing herself. He says she was only trying to protect their daughter. Belle said if she had saved their baby from Hades, she might feel diffrently. Gold says they will get their baby away from Hades.

Red says she used a tracking spell to find Zelena and now she’s made a mess of things. Snow tells her everything will be cool and the ladies all leave to track Zelena down.

Meanwhile, the guys find Cruella instructing one of her thugs rip out the phone that makes calls between the living and the dead. She says it’s not her idea, but Hades doesn’t want any hope in the Underworld. She tells David she’ll let him make a last call if they make a deal. David says no way, and she tells her henchman to rip out the phone.

The girls find Zelena and ask what she did to Dorothy.

In old Oz, Zelena tells Dorothy it looks like she picked up a few strays, meaning Mulan and Red. She says she was banished into the forest and is being kept from her baby. She asks Dorothy where her silver slippers are and she’s holding Toto hostage until she gets them back.

Regina tells Zelena to tell them what she did. Zelena says even she can’t help now and shows them Dorothy in a mirror. She’s put a sleeping curse on Dorothy and she can’t take it off. Only true love’s kiss can do that.

Zelena tells Regina it’s a simple trade, the slippers for her daughter. Regina says just because Zelena made one bad move — or thirty — doesn’t mean she can’t make a good one now. Zelena gives her the slippers and tells her to keep her pep talks. She says she hopes they wake Dorothy.

Regina gives the slippers to Red. Red asks what good they are if there’s no true love to give her a kiss. She says he only one Dorothy ever loved was her Auntie Em. Emma suggests Em might be in the Underworld.

Back in the Oz forest, Red seems to think Toto is more than a pet. Dorothy says when she got back from Oz, her family tried to get her committed, but her Auntie Em believed her and kept that from happening. Before she died, Auntie Em gave her Toto, so just forget the pesky Wizard of Oz story where Toto came along. Red tells her about discovering she was a wolf and accidentally killing her boyfriend. She says she eventually got control. She came to Oz to look for her pack, but isn’t sure the answer is there anymore. She asks what Dorothy is looking for, but Dorothy says she isn’t sure.

In the Underworld, the ladies find Auntie Em’s grave. Regina says leaving the Underworld isn’t so easy, but Snow thinks maybe they can deliver the kiss using the slippers. David comes back with the guys. There’s a lot of talk about leaving and who is going to do what.

Belle goes to see Zelena. She asks for her help as a mother. She says she knows Hades is in love with Zelena, but Zelena says Hades wold never rip up a contract even for her. She asks why she needs her help when she has the Dark One on her side. Belle says he can’t help and Zelena says she knows she’s not going to get her happy ending with Hades or anyone else. Belle is having morning sickness and Zelena says her pregnancy was sped up by dark magic, so she never had that. Belle is concerned that Hades will do the same to her, so he can get her baby more quickly.

Hook pours over a book of the dead. He tells David that the only information he can find out is that Auntie Em died in Kansas. Hook says David’s name isn’t in the book, so he can go, and that Ruby (Red) is his ticket out.

In the old forest, Dorothy says she’s sorry for calling Red “Wolfie.” Red says she kind of likes it and gives Dorothy the nickname “Kansas.” They hear something above the trees. It’s the flying monkeys! Red asks if Dorothy trusts her. When Dorothy says yes, she turns into a wolf.

Red as the wolf, takes off and the monkeys follow. Mulan shows up, asking what happened. Red turns back to herself and asks if Dorothy is okay. Dorothy says she’s just tired and needs sleep. She thinks it might be the poppies that made her tired.

In the Underworld diner, the ladies find Auntie Em. Red tells her Dorothy is alive and needs her help. She’s about to put a kiss into a jar when she dissolves into liquid. Hades says the soup didn’t agree with her, since he put some water from the River of Lost Souls in it. Emma says he wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t scared they might win the fight. He puts the leftovers from Auntie Em in a jar and says this is what happens when you try to help outsiders.

Mulan asks Red what’s up. She says Dorothy asked her what she’s been looking for and she said she didn’t know. She says she thinks she’s been looking for someone like Dorothy and that she’s never felt like this about anyone. Mulan is like, great, what’s wrong? Red says the way Dorothy looked when Red transformed made her think she was appalled. Mulan says maybe Dorothy just didn’t know what to say and don’t make the same mistake she did by waiting to make her feelings known.

Red goes to Dorothy’s place, but can’t find her.

In the Underworld, Red tells Snow there’s nothing else they can do now and says there’s no one to give Dorothy true loves kiss. Snow says maybe Red can. She says she knows Red and why isn’t she on her way? Red says love is a two way street and Dorothy ditched her back in Oz. Red says she’s scared and Snow says that’s a good thing because love is scary, and what you get back outweighs the risk.

The group gathers in the cemetery. Regina gives Red the shoes and tells David to take her hand. Hook says he’s removed Snow’s name from the headstone, and David tells her they traded David’s name for hers. Hook says the names can’t be erased, but they can be changed. David tells Snow to go to their son and he’ll be back before she knows it. David and Snow kiss. Snow takes Red’s hand. Red clicks her heels three times and they’re gone, poof! in a cloud of white smoke.

Hades shows Zelena a freshly bottled Auntie Em. He says Dorothy has no one and he knows how much Zelena hates her. Zelena says Dorothy is going to be asleep forever and what does he get out of it? He dumps the bottle into the River of Lost Souls and says other than Zelena’s happiness, nothing. He says she’s scared he’s going to disappoint her, but she says that’s a chance she’ll have to take. They toast to Dorothy’s eternal slumber.

Meanwhile in OZ, the Munchins and Toto keep vigil over Dorothy with Mulan. Snow and Red pop in. Red approaches Dorothy and kisses her. A wind comes up and Dorothy awakens. Toto barks with happiness.

Red says Dorothy left without saying anything. Dorothy says she was afraid and didn’t want to lose her to Zelena. Dorothy says Red came back for her and Red says she always will. They kiss.

Henry is done with another chapter of the book, and brings it to David. He says Snow made it back to Storybrooke.

Belle comes to Gold’s shop. She says Hades can take their baby any time he wants. She says they have no time, but she can pause everything, including her pregnancy. She has a sleeping thingie and is going to prick her finger and put herself to sleep. Gold balks and says he won’t be able to wake her because he’s not the man she wants him to be. She says he’s not going to wake her, her father is. He says that when he figures things out, he’ll do whatever it takes to get her back to him

Next time, Hades asks Zelena to make chaos with him, David’s evil twin comes back and holds Emma and Robin hostage.

I Am Cait

Cait comes to Kris’s hotel room. She’s getting ready to leave and Cait asks if she has a minute. Kris says it was interesting meeting everyone. She says she’s had some of her friends her entire life and always wondered why “Bruce” never had friends. Cait says she never felt like she fit in anywhere.

Kris says she’s glad Cait is finding happiness, but a lot of sad stuff is going on at home. She gives a list of all the rich people problems the girls have. Some of it involves illness, but all I can think is at least they can afford medical treatment.

Kris says Cait kind of checks out. She says she’s the greatest when she’s present, but when there’s a disconnect, it’s a nightmare. Cait says she doesn’t want to check out on their time together and Kris says she doesn’t want Cait disconnecting from the kids. She says when Kim brought over some of the clothes Cait was getting rid of, it was a sad moment.

Cait tells Kris about her new driver’s license. It says Caitlyn Marie Jenner and the gender says female. Cait says you can go all the way back to your birth certificate and Cait has done that. Kris asks if this means Bruce never exited and she was never married to him? Interesting.

Cait says going forward from here, she would always want Kris in her life, and apologizes for the difficulty and keeping things private. Kris says she understands how frustrating it must have been. Cait says that although their relationship will be different, it will be important. Cait jokes that maybe they can renew their vows someday. Kris asks if she gets another diamond, and Cait says she’ll want one too. They agree it could get complicated and expensive.

Kris says she understands Caitlyn’s journey much better now. They say good-by.

Candis and Kate meet for breakfast. Candis says she had cocktails with Kris the night before and was led down a dark path, which is why she’s wearing sunglasses at breakfast. Kate asks if Candis would like a family. Kate says to be open to different ways it can happen and that she doesn’t need a man. Candis says she has a lot of things gong on and she’d make a great parent, so why wait?

The girls go to a shellfish boil and pardon one of the crayfish. Cait tells the rest of the girls how the talk went with Kris. She toasts to a happy Thanksgiving, so I guess it must be Thanksgiving. Jenny brings out a zither and does a song for the group.

Jenny says Cait has changed throughout the trip. She’s taken responsibility for her mistakes and made a lot of growth. She hopes it doesn’t end when the trip is over.

Kris sends a gingerbread house to Cait. Jenny is impressed. Jenny is meeting her friend, Marci Bowers, a doctor who does gender confirmation surgery (also called genital reassignment) and is also a trans woman. Jenny says she’s never regretted having the surgery, but Cait says she’s uncomfortable with the topic. Jenny thinks Cait makes excuses and needs to find her truth and the words to express that truth. They discuss the surgery and different people’s feelings about it. Jenny suggests Cait talk to Marci.

Cait and Candis go golfing. Cait asks if Candis had fun on the trip. Candis says yes, and it made her think about family. She says that seeing Cait’s love of family made an impression on her. Cait says Candis should look into adoption.

Cait says the last few months have been enlightening, but gender confirmation surgery still makes her feel uncomfortable. She’s nervous about meeting Marci.

Jenny brings Marci to meet Cait. Marci says all she does is match up the physical with the mental. She says that probably only 20% of transgenders get it done because of the expense. Cait asks about the sexual experience and Marci says most are able to achieve orgasm. Thank you for answering that, because I wondered. She says it’s still the same music, but a different instrument. Jenny asks about those who aren’t sure. Marci says it’s personal and a lot of transgenders choose not to have it and are just as happy. Cait says she’s going to ponder it.

Cait goes with Candis to meet an attorney to discuss adoption. The attorney explains the different types of adoption. She says it’s the hardest to adopt overseas because you have to adhere to the laws of both countries. She suggests either independent or foster adoption. She says it will probably take more effort than it would if she was a 40-year-old heterosexual couple, but it could be done.

Chandi comes for dinner with Cait and Candis. Candis tells her about seeing the lawyer. She says she can handle the idea of not being with someone or being rejected by a guy, but doesn’t think she can handle rejection from office buildings, government and potential mothers. She says she’s been living her life as a trans woman for so long, she never thinks about it, but other people do. Both Chandi and Cait think she should go for it anyway. Chandi says she should go into it with an open mind and not think about the obstacles.

Scott and Cait go to get a Christmas tree. Scott says who better than a Jew to go Christmas tree shopping with?

Cait says one thing she learned on the trip was that she has the ability to check out and we flash back to her sort of ignoring Scott. Cait asks how Scott is doing with the holiday season. He says it’s difficult because he has no parents and he doesn’t know how it’s going with Kourtney, but he doesn’t want people inviting him out of pity.

Scott and Cait pick out a tree. Scott says this is the reason being a Jew is better — a menorah is much lighter. They put the tree in Cait’s place. The smoke alarm is beeping and she’s just been living with the beeping. Scott gets up on a stepladder and checks all of the alarms. Scott says when Cait was Bruce, she was angry and cut off, but now she’s a more open, happy person. It’s even obvious to me, and I only saw a handful of episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Kris drops by with Christmas cookies. Candis is there too. Kris says a guy came barreling into her office with a backpack and asked for a hug and a kiss. This is with security guards all over the place. He told her he had to go pay his Uber driver and she called security. She says he’s in jail now, but he’d been looking for her all over the house. Cait says half the time she didn’t even know the names of the people hanging around the house and Kris jokes that those were her children.

They decorate the tree and go through the various family stockings. Candis tells Kris about the adoption thing and how it has to be disclosed that she’s a trans woman and she feels discouraged. Kris says it’s discouraging in general, and gives examples of how it’s tough for many women. Candis says it’s not a trans thing, it’s a human thing, adding that sometimes you have to figure out how to move on and change your expectations. Kris tells her that she’d make a wonderful mother and she should go ahead with the plan

Next time, Cait goes on a ski trip, Cait and Candis kiss, and Jenny and Cait get into the Republican thing again.

Fear the Walking Dead

Some kids are on the beach collecting shells when zombies start to come out of the water. Since the kids are really stupid, they leave their shells by the fence holding back the zombies. Is this some kind of offering?

Madison tells Nick he almost got himself killed in the water. Travis has looked at the log book from the other ship and tells Victor there is no more San Diego. The military burned it down. Victor has seen a large vessel following them and says they have to hide. He shows them a cove on the map.

Travis hunts down Chris, which isn’t hard since they’re on a boat. He says they’ll be safer where they’re going, but Chris isn’t convinced.

It’s nighttime, and Madison sees a light on in a house. They dock at the pier nearby. Victor stays on the boat, while the others go ashore. Everything looks dark in the village, but Travis thinks they’re just scared. He calls out saying they just need information and they’re not sick or a threat. They just need help.

A door opens and one of the kids from the beach comes out. His father calls him back and says he’s just excited to see people. Madison says they saw a light and the father says it was an accident. Travis introduces himself and the father says his name is George. Travis says they just need to get their bearings and they’ll be gone; there’s nothing to fear from them. Well, yeah, the name of the show isn’t Fear the Living. Although maybe it should be.

Travis looks at George’s library and George says he’s welcome to take something. Travis says he doesn’t have time for it now, but George says he has nothing but time. He tells Travis napalm is being used up and doewn the coast. He says that San Diego was burned and the border has been shut to the south. He says the interior is not better than the coast, and basically half the country is gone.

Madison talks to George’s wife, Melissa, and they compare educational degrees. Madison talks about being a teacher. The older son, Seth, comes in and Melissa introduces them.

Back on the boat Ofelia asks Daniel if they’re going to stay. Daniel says they’d have to be invited. Daniel says this isn’t the world she was supposed to know, but she says understanding this world helps her understand him. She says it’s cruel. Ouch!

Harry asks Nick if he wants to see his room. Nick asks Chris if he wants to come. Chris says no thanks and Nick tells him he doesn’t have to, but it’s better to be with people. Nick sees a bunch of action figures with red dots on their foreheads. Nick asks what’s up with that and Harry says that’s what happens now when people are sick.

Victor wonders what’s taking so long, and Daniel says it’s not like they’re in a hurry. Daniel is concerned about being left behind, but Victor says he wouldn’t have taken them in the first place if that’s what he was going to do.

George tells Travis the world couldn’t sustain itself and this is course correction. He says he’s been studying Travis’s culture for a long time and talks about New Zealand. Travis asks if it’s okay if they spend the night.

Travis tells Madison that George thinks this is all part of nature’s plan. Madison says he’s intense and Melissa grilled her about her job. She thinks that the light was shone on purpose, even though George said it was an accident.

Nick and Alicia are on the boat. Nick says the best thing about the apocalypse is no noise pollution. Nick talks about how the kids have seen too much already and how things will never be normal for them. He says something is off here and Alicia says something is off everywhere.

Chris skulks around a lighthouse and sees Seth with a pickax. He asks Seth what he’s doing and Seth tells him chores and he can help if he wants to. They go down to the beach and Seth says they’re doing maintenance. He goes to the fence where the zombies are and whacks one in the head. He asks if Chris wants a turn.

Travis is looking for Chris. Nick tells him if he wants help, just ask. Chris is busy taking his turn at whacking zombies and it’s like he’s been doing this his entire life. Seth says they’ll come back again before dinner. Chris asks if the zombies can climb, and Chris says they’re pretty clumsy and he hasn’t seen evidence of it. Travis comes down to the beach and Seth tells him that Chris is a pro. Chris whacks one more zombie and Travis doesn’t look too happy about it.

Travis tells George he has a problem by the fence line, but George says Seth manages it and they go down once a week to get rid of the bodies. Travis says his son used to take out the garbage and mow the lawn. George tells him this is how they manage now and asks Travis to take a ride with him.

They go to the shore where George is fixing the fence. Travis asks why they stay there. George says he saw the map and knows the truth. Travis asks how he can give up, but George says he’s not, he’s fixing the fence.

Alicia wanders around an old amusement boardwalk. She’s wearing an iPod which is probably a bad idea. She signs a bird watching tour list. In the meantime, Nick scours the house for drugs. He finds something inside of a globe. Harry’s sister, Willa, comes in and asks him to come and draw with her.

Victor tells Daniel he’s hanging over him like the spectre of death. Victor sees that whoever was following them is gone and says they’re sailing with the tide.

Madison helps Melissa pick some peppers (not a pint of pickled ones). Madison says they’ll be leaving soon. She asks Melissa about the light and if it was an accident. Melissa says it was a mistake, but Madison asks if she was signaling them. Melissa says she saw them from the pier and had a strange sense of hope. She thought Willa and Harry might have a chance if they wouldn’t there. Madison says she thought the island was safe. Melissa says they’re just biding their time until it’s over. Madison asks if she wants to come along, but Melissa says she has MS and would end up being a burden, but she wants them to take Harry and Willa.

Madison talks to Travis, who tells her George is just keeping his family safe. Madison says that where they go next might be safer. He doesn’t want to take George’s kids on Melissa’s say-so, and Madison says what about hers? He says he’ll talk to George.

Daniel is looking all over the boat and finds a knapsack, along with a map and gun that are locked away. Victor is on the phone (?) and says it’s all clear and when’s the latest? He repeats sundown and says he’ll be there.

Nick is obviously distressed and Madison asks what’s wrong. Nick tells her and Travis he thinks George is going to “Jonestown” his family and tells him about the pills he found. He says he knows his pharmaceuticals, and they aren’t recreational; they’re poison.

Melissa tells Madison the kids will be down in a minute. She told them they’re going on a boat ride for a few days. George walks in while Melissa is explaining the kids’ different needs. He asks what’s going on and she says she can’t look at them every day, knowing there’s no future. Harry says something is wrong with Willa.

They go upstairs to find the little girl near death. Harry says she took her pill. Good job, George. She’s a zombie now and just bit Melissa. George makes Travis leave. They all run back to the boat with Harry. He asks what happened to Willa and Nick says she got sick.

Victor says children are dead weight and wants Madison to leave Harry. She says he doesn’t get to decide who lives and dies, and he begs to differ. Seth is suddenly on the boat with a gun and wants to bring Harry home. Madison tells him to come with them, but he gets aggressive and takes Harry. He tells Madison she caused this. What? The apocalypse? As they leave, they see zombie Melissa on the pier. Seth tells Harry to keep waving at the boat. (Just look at the flowers, Harry.) Seth shoots Melissa as the boat departs.

Next time, a possible trip to Mexico, lots of zombies and Nick gets into trouble.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

When I tuned in, both Ray and Michael were on stage and there was butt grabbing talk within 10 seconds. Apparently, Gizelle had inferred Michael was gay when he’s really just a flamboyant Australian, and Gizelle acted like the gay thought never even came into her head. Next.

When the men leave, they talk about Gizelle’s dating. Zzzzzz….

Moving on to Katie making out with her boyfriend at Ashley’s party. Gizelle claims she just asked if Katie was “on something” out of concern, and I laugh my head off. The only thing that woman is concerned about is herself. Katie says the only thing she was on was Andrew. Ha-ha!

Katie points out that Gizelle is the common denominator in many argumentative situations. Gizelle threatens to tell everyone what was edited out from some scene. I wonder if Andy is crapping his pants, since it’s probably something they’re going to use in Secrets Revealed. Gizelle says she doesn’t like when people aren’t adults and now would be the time to show how she acted at Charrisse’s house before the crab boil, but it doesn’t happen. We do get to see her talking about drinking some tea that makes her poop though. Gizelle accuses Katie of being drunk and peeing on the couch during some photo shoot. Katie says she wasn’t drunk, but she’s had three kids. Fair enough.

At this point, I’m wondering why I even bothered with the second half of this show.

In wrapping it up, Andy asks if everyone enjoyed the season. Charrisse’s husband isn’t talking to her any more, Karen and Ashley learned a lot about themselves, and Gizelle says the word on the street is that this was the best thing ever on television. She’s obviously the most delusional of the bunch. Karen toasts to moving forward in peace.

And I toast to this excruciating show being over.

Shahs of Sunset

Last we left the Shahs, there was a lot of cake throwing going on at Shervin’s yacht party.

GG wakes up at Shervin’s house, no doubt with a wicked hangover. Yep, she has one, and doesn’t even remember getting back. She asks Shervin if he had fun. He says he wasn’t expecting to feel this way and there was a lot of anger. Shervin tells her she’s not dealing with her anger in a positive way, which is the understatement of the year.

Mike is giving real estate a break and focusing on building a shoe empire. He wants Jessica to see his vision. Since she’s from a priviledged background, and he feels as the breadwinner, he needs to create more wealth. The shoes are pretty dope, but there’s a lot of footwear competition out there.

Asa comes over to Reza’s place. They discuss the party and GG. Reza brings up when GG attacked Asa in Mexico. He says they need rules and consequences. They discuss seeing Mike again. Reza says it was the first time they were able to get together with him and Jessica and have everything be copacetic.

MJ joins them. Reza says that he mentioned to Asa that he’d like her to get ordained so she can officiate at the wedding. He wants the four of them to go to lunch and have the meal turn into an impromptu wedding. MJ is like, no. She says it’s Adam’s wedding too, but Asa thinks he’ll be okay with it and that it’s romantic. MJ says he’ll want it to be an “us” thing and it’s Reza’s solution to standing him up last time. In her individual interview, MJ says they need to heal their wounds from the last time before the next wedding.

MJ brings her mom’s dog, Ziggy, to the pet stylist. Seriously, it says stylist, not groomer. She wants Ziggy done in hot pink and black, “the colors of a cheetah.” Okay…

Asa’s father and brother have been hired for the shipping department of her caftan business. She says the business is exploding and she wants to set up a future for her family. She says the idea of a family business is great, but in reality, it’s not so great. Believe me, I know. I once worked for a family business (not my own) and it was pure hell. It looks like dad wants to take more coffee breaks than do work.

MJ lied to her mother, telling her Tommy was just a friend. They’re going to pick up Ziggy and MJ wants him to go with her and her mother to dinner. OMG — Ziggy! She has pink and black cheetah print on her legs and the rest of her looks normal. MJ says maybe she should have thought this out more. Um, yeah.

Adam and Asa go for a walk. Asa says that he and Reza call her every morning at different times to give her their sides of the story. Adam isn’t sure if he and Reza should make another attempt at marriage. He says there’s been growth in the relationship, but he’s concerned Reza will call it quits again. Asa asks about getting married and Adam says he’s hesitant.

MJ and Tommy take Ziggy to the restaurant where they’re meeting MJ’s mom. Ziggy is wearing a Louis Vuitton harness. MJ’s mom, Vida, joins them and it takes her a minute to realize what’s happened to Ziggy. She’s pretty miffed, but gets over it quickly, which is a mystery to me since she’s the worst. Oh, I see, she just wants to move on to belittling MJ. She tells MJ she hasn’t lost any weight, which is so not true. She says Tommy is a bad influence with MJ’s eating. Tommy says MJ looks great and Vida doesn’t think he should have an opinion. This is when MJ lays it on Vida that they’re dating.

Tommy says Vida is her mother, she’s not going to marry her. Vida says he’s not a good match. She can tell because she has a gift for that. More like she has a gift for being obnoxious. As they leave the restaurant, Vida gripes at MJ about wearing V-necks because they make her boobs look huge. Silly me, I thought that was the point.

Jessica and Mike go to a smoothie place. Twenty-seven bucks for two smoothies? You’ve got to be kidding. Jessica tells Mike they’re terrible with money, which seems ironic since the smoothies were her idea. She says they need to get a house and Mike has some nasty stuff on his credit. Jessica says they have two incomes now, but what’s going to happen when she gets pregnant? She asks about the new business and wonders if it’s worth the investment, but he says he has to take a risk and together they’ll build an empire. Good luck with that.

Reza and Adam arrive at Asa’s for dinner. She has her patio totally decked out and it looks beautiful. MJ and Tommy arrive next. Asa thinks they’re perfect for one another. Wow. It’s a lot of food for five people. They talk about the party and Asa says GG has hit rock bottom. She also thinks GG needs help, but MJ says they should be telling GG this.

GG goes to a club with Shervin and his brother. I think it’s his brother. He’s always around and looks like Shervin. Do I need to mention there’s a lot of drinking happening?

MJ goes in the kitchen with Adam to refresh her drink. MJ tells him he’s with an alpha male and needs to have his voice heard. She thinks Reza needs ot be challenged and agrees with Adam that they should pace themselves. Adam says the thing that bugs him is that when Reza is ready for something, he just expects everyone else to jump on board.

When MJ gets back to the table, Asa brings out a birthday cake for her. Asa asks what her wish is, and MJ says she wants to reach out to GG. Asa says they have to get to the bottom of whatever GG’s problem is.

GG wants to leave. Shervin asks her what’s wrong. She says she’s tired. Well, she’s drunk, but I think a lot of her problem is the arthritis.

Reza and Adam go to a dessert place and I’m wondering why the clerk has two circles tattooed or drawn on his neck. They get some soft serve and talk about how they need more space housewise. Reza thinks they should make a plan of getting a new place and getting married. Adam says he feels like Reza forgets there are two people in the relationship. When Reza asks how he feels about marriage, Adam tells him that he made something that was special to him feel not so special. I dunno. I think if someone left me at the altar, we’d be done.

Adam says he loves Reza and wants to be with him, but he called off the wedding. He says sometimes he has to second guess what’s going on and he doesn’t want that. Reza says today would have been their one year anniversary and what does he need ot do for Adam to trust him. Adam says a start would be to remember he’s an equal and he doesn’t want to discuss the one year thing.

Next time, Mike and Reza have a talk, MJ walks out on lunch with GG, and MJ creates a problem for Reza.

April 10, 2016 — Gaston Arrives, Cait Does NOLA, Potomac Reunion, Fear the Dead & the Shahs Return

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Belle’s father says they have a visitor, the eldest son of Lord Legume. Belle isn’t interested. Her father tells her not to be judgmental. He adds there have also been skirmishes that would be squelched by a match, but he’s just asking her to meet him. He introduces Gaston.

Gaston says it’s awkward and asks if she hates these things as much as he does. He tells her if she wants, he’ll go home and no hard feelings. Since he’s quite suave and handsome, she says a walk won’t hurt anything.

Gold looks at a Pan flute in his Underworld shop. Belle comes in and says she won’t be separated from her child and she’s decided she wants his help. Belle tells Gold to show her he can be that man, and that they can save their child and separate dark from light. She says if he wants a future with her, he has to do it her way.

Snow, Hook and Emma are in the Underworld graveyard. A cyclone is brewing and passes quickly. Hook says it’s left something behind. Suddenly, Snow disappears. Emma wakes up. It was a dream.

Hook tells her it’s the first time she’s slept since the rescue. They’re on a rooftop and see a signal. They go back to where the others are gathered, trying to get a spell off of the elevator that will take them to Hades. Emma nd Regina join forces with their magic, but nothing happens.

Emma wonders if a name is removed from a gravestone will the person be released from the Underworld. Hook and Snow say they’ll go with her. Regina says she’ll meet them there after talking to her sister. If Hades has a weakness, Zelena might know what it is.

Hades is stalking Zelena. Nothing new. He finds a daisy growing through some concrete and picks it.

Gaston is running the Underworld pet shelter. Hades goes to see him. He tells Gaston both Beauty and the Beast are there, meaning Belle and Gold. He asks if Gaston wold like a shot at revenge. He says he’s found daisies growing all over town because hope has taken root. He says when souls have hope, they move on, and he can’t have that. Hades says they must be punished, starting with Gold.

He gives Gaston some arrows and says it’s time for him to be the hunter. He’ll be hunting for the greatest prey of all — Rumpelstiltskin.

Back in the day, Gaston is impressed with Belle’s hiking abilities. She says she’s heard unflattering tales about him. He says he has a friend who enjoys embarrassing him. He says he’s spent his whole life looking for a woman of her substance.

He hears something and tells her to stay while he investigates, but she follows. He’s kneeling by an old hunting pit that an ogre has fallen into. Awww! It’s kind of cute. She says the ogre looks young. Gaston says they have to bring him back to the castle, but Belle’s afraid they’ll torture the poor thing and asks Gaston to let her handle it. He’s like, why not? and tells her to lead the way.

In the Underworld, Gold and Belle are going through spell books. He says turning darkness to light is a fool’s errand. Belle walks out. Gaston is across the street. He shoots an arrow at Gold, but Gold catches it in mid-air. Belle says there must be some other way to resolve things. Gaston says no, and shoots another arrow, but Belle and Gold disappear to the wharf.

Belle says thanks a lot for letting her know that he killed Gaston. He says Hades sent Gaston because he knows Belle won’t let Gold hurt him. Belle says they’re going to help Gaston to move on, not kill him. She says it weakens Hades when people move on, so that’s how they’re going to defeat him.

Emma, Snow and Hook are in the graveyard. The cyclone comes up again and Emma says her dream wasn’t just a dream. Emma says the cyclone has brought a monster. Snow asks what they do now and Emma says run.

Zelena is at the diner and Regina sits with her. She says Zelena’s daughter is safe. Regina says for once in their lives, maybe they can try acting like sisters, and asks what happened between Zelena and Hades. Zelena says Hades fell in love with her. Regina asks if Zelena loves Hades. She doesn’t answer and Regina asks what his weaknesses are. Zelena says as far as she knows, she’s his only weakness.

Hook wants to face the monster, but Emma says Snow died in her dream.

Belle and Gold go to the shelter. Belle asks Gold to break into Gaston’s locker. She rifles through Gaston’s stuff until she comes upon a book she once gave him. She says she’s Gaston’s unfinished business and that she can get through to him.

Old days Belle shows Gaston a record of every magical item in the kingdom. She says her mother kept it in case of emergencies. She shows him another book called Her Handsome Hero. Gaston thinks it’s a cheap romance, but Belle says no, it’s all the qualities a man should have. Gaston says he’ll read it and almost kisses her. She finds what they’re looking for in the book. They need to hold a mirror up to the ogre to reveal whether he’s innocent or not. Gaston makes her promise that if the ogre means them harm, she’ll let him take the ogre to the palace.

Hades shows up at the shelter. Belle asks what he wants. He says other than her baby? He asks her if she wants to make a deal and she says not interested. Hades says he knows she’s trying to help Gaston move on. He says he’d like the conflict between Gaston and Gold to continue. He says he wants he to let Gaston and Gold have their fight, and if one goes into the River of Lost Souls, she can keep her baby.

Regina joins Hook, Snow and Emma. She asks them why they’re in her vault. Emma says a monster is trying to kill them. Regina asks why they’re not fighting and Emma tells her about the dream. Regina says maybe the dream wasn’t literal and she has to work out some issues. Emma says it’s possible she thinks it’s her fault that everyone is trapped in the Underworld. She’s frightened that she’ll be the cause of someone’s death. Snow says she didn’t force any of them to come and that they need to face the monster together.

Gaston enters Gold’s shop. Gold is sitting at a table with his back to the door and Gaston shoots him, but it’s only a mannequin. Belle comes out and says so he would kill Gold. Gaston says it’s the only thing he cares about any more. Belle shows him the hero book she’d once given him and asks if she’s his unfinished business. Gaston says he’s tried to throw the book out a thousand times but it always comes back. He says it reminds him about how he died and it’s her fault. He says being a hero isn’t about compassion, it’s about having strength. Belle says Hades is the enemy, not Gold. She tells Gaston that Gold is her husband. Gaston says she always did have a soft spot for a monster.

Belle takes her father to the hunting pit. Gaston is knocked out nearby. He comes to and says the ogre escaped. Belle’s father says his soldiers will hunt the ogre down. Gaston asks to lead the hunting party. Belle says she’s coming too. She still wants to use the mirror in case the ogre was just being defensive. Her father tells her to go home.

Gold asks Belle what the deal was. She tells him he has to promise not to hurt Gaston. Gold promises and Belle tells him what Hades’s proposition was. She says she turned him down because she can fix this. He says he wants to be the man she needs, but it’s not going to happen today, and he disappears, poof! in a puff of smoke.

The hunting party goes after the ogre. Belle follows. They stop where the ogre tracks stop. The ogre is up in a tree and Gaston shoots it down. Gaston is about to finish the ogre off when Belle steps in. She sees Gaston in the mirror and his eyes are all red and crazy. She realizes Gaston tortured the ogre while she was gone. He says he was protecting the kingdom. Belle says the ogre isn’t the monster, Gaston is, and he’ll have to shoot her first. The ogre runs off. Gaston says he hopes she made the right decision.

Gold has Gaston suspended in the air on the wharf. Gaston tells him he’ll always be a beast. Belle comes running up and tells Gold to stop. She says she’s always known who Gold really is and that’s why she loves him. She kisses him and steals the dagger, commanding him to let Gaston go. Gaston grabs his bow and arrow to shoot Gold, but Belle turns toward him with the dagger, and he ends up in the Lake of Fire.

Way back when, Belle’s father tells her it’s war and ogres are coming. She says what she did was the right thing. She asks him if it’s occurred to him that their mistreatment of the ogres is what caused the rift in the first place, and not her mercy. He says his army is no match for theirs, but Gaston’s army could give them a chance. He wants Belle to marry Gaston.

Gaston comes in and says the kingdoms will unite (Scumps!), they’ll solve the rift, and they can rule side by side if she’ll be his queen. He holds out his hand and Belle takes it. She says she will.

Back in the Underworld, Belle tells Gold he was right. He tells her he’s sorry and he didn’t want this to happen, but she saved him and their child. Hades pops in and says the baby is still his. He says the deal was only if Gaston or Gold threw the other in the river, but since it was Belle, the deal is over.

A waitress brings Zelena a covered dish. Underneath is a dead daisy and a note from Hades.

Snow and the others hunt the monster through the forest. They find a wolf with a red cloak near it. Snow puts the cloak over the wolf and it turns into Red. She says Emma’s dream was a vision about finding her.

Next week, Zelena gets revenge, Mulan and Red work together, and Hades gets vengeance.

I Am Cait

Back on the bus. The girls are headed for New Orleans and Cait’s sister, Pam, is meeting them.

Kate says most people think that genitals make you a man or a woman, and it’s the first question people are most likely to ask. Chandi says she doesn’t mind discussing it, if it’s appropriate. Candis is like, your privates should be your privates. Cait says she has no idea what the future holds for her, but every person has a different way of being authentic for themselves. They each discuss what choices they made.

New Orleans! Bourbon Street! Jazz! The girls go out to eat and Cait tells them that Kris is coming by. Chandi says she’s surprised that Kris would want to hang around all of them when she’s still learning about Cait. Kate asks if Kris has been good to Cait. Cait says yes, but she doesn’t exactly reach out. Candis thinks it’s impressive that Kris wants to be around the whole gang.

The ladies are strolling around town and go into a bridal boutique. Candis wants to try on dresses. Candis says it’s an affirmation of what she wants. Of course she looks fabulous. Cait tries on something too and they take pictures. Cait says she’s been in three weddings with the most boring clothes ever and at last she’s comfortable.

Next is souvenir shopping. Lots of fans swarm them and take pictures. Ella says she keeps forgetting how famous Cait is and the reaction in public shocks her every time. Cait’s sister shows up in the midst of Cait dealing with the fans.

More food! I don’t know what pastry they’re eating, but it looks phenomenal. The girls talk about marriage, and Pam says when you have a failed one, you learn from your mistakes.

Cait’s hotel room looks like the cyclone from Once Upon A Time hit it. Jenny comes by and Cait sets up the camera. Jenny “interviews” her about seeing Kris. She asks when the last time was that Cait and Kris talked, and we flash back to a conversation where Kris told Cait she left her family “in the dust.” Cait says there’s 23 years of life there and there’s an element that she doesn’t understand. Cait thinks Kris sometimes gets more upset than she did when they were together. Jenny says her feelings would have been hurt had she been in Kris’s position. Jenny asks what has to happen for them to have better communication, but Cait says she doesn’t know.

The producer interviews Kris in the hotel room. Kris says she’s in New Orleans because she’s heard Cait has been somewhat MIA. Cait knocks at the door. Kris asks where the girlfriends are and Cait says they’re all having dinner later and then it’s party time. Kris asks if she’s going to need a nap. Kris says they were all wondering why they hadn’t heard from Cait, and Cait says they’ve been on the road for about a month.

Jenny and Ella goof around, doing a fake spin-off show with Cait’s video camera.

Cait brings Kris to dinner where she meets the girls. Everyone introduces themselves. When Jenny talks about being married as both man and wife, and wife and wife, Kris says Jenny’s wife is a good sport. Kris asks what’s the most annoying thing about Cait, and everyone talks about how Cait expresses her political views. Cait talks about meeting Hilary Clinton. Cait says she enjoys politics and it’s like a football game to her. Kris says that Cait sometimes gets “cranky’ (or would that be “kranky?”) with those whose political views differ from her own.

Kris says Cait is sometimes unwilling to listen to someone else’s view and meet in the middle. Everyone is jumping in and finally Kate says they outnumber Cait and don’t want to be perceived as bullying. Kris says they need that many people. Ha-ha! It does seem like Cait is being ganged up on, but she also doesn’t really seemed bothered by it.

They talk about Cait having stolen and hidden a key to Kris’s closet and Cait says she also had a copy made.

At dinner, Jenny and Candis joke about matching their napkins to their outfits. Jenny says she has an “unsightly white napkin” and requests a change. They talk about Kris’s reaction to Cait’s change from being Bruce. Jenny says her wife took it personally, and Kris says she did too. I can totally understand that, even though it isn’t personal.

Kris asks what they do what their man bits. Cait is appalled, but it’s a legitimate question. I mean, they’re certainly talking about things that are personal to Kris. Kate says it doesn’t matter what a person has, but Kris says it does to her. Chandi says all trans people don’t choose to go full on with gender reassignment surgery.

They talk about at what point Cait revealed herself to be transgender. Kris talks about how Cait told her about taking hormones in the 80s. Kris seems to think Cait told her it was for some other reason, but Cait says she did tell her she was conflicted. Jenny says maybe Kris didn’t want to listen, but maybe Cait didn’t fully explain either. Kris says she kept asking why Cait was unhappy and Cait would say Kris wouldn’t understand. Jenny says she wanted to protect the people that she loved and not cause them harm. She asks Kris if she knew then what she knows now, would they still have been married. Kris doesn’t know, but she says she would have been a good best friend. Jenny asks if she can’t be one now. Candis makes a toast to Caitlyn and Kris, pointing out that Kris is being very open in meeting with all of them.

They stroll around Bourbon Street, going bar hopping. Jenny gets up on stage to dance with Chandi and everyone is astounded, including me. I have to say, Jenny has really loosened up over the course of this trip and turned out to be more fun than I expected. Candis tells Kris how much her being there means to Cait. Kris says Cait is well on her way, and surrounded by good people.

They throw beads from the balcony. Kris tells Cait she heard Cait would like to date a guy. Cait says only if she went through with the final surgery. Cait says really though, she’s not worried about that yet. Kris says life is short and she should get a move on figuring that out.

Lots of fans outside. Someone keeps yelling “Bruce, go straight, “ and I’m confused at first, because I think it’s one of the handlers forgetting about Cait’s name change and telling her where to walk. I’m also the only person in the world who thought Brooke Shields just really liked her Calvins.

Cait feels good about the day. She says there was a little tension and thinks she should have a one-on-one with Kris before she leaves. I hope it goes better than the last one. Cait hopes she doesn’t resort to old, defensive habits, but is afraid if she doesn’t talk to Kris now, she never will. She goes to Kris’s hotel room.

Next week, the talk, Cait tells Kris she changed her birth certificate, Jenny says she’s never regreted surgery, and Candis investigates adoption.

The Real Housewives of Potomac — The Reunion, Part One

I’m cringing already. These women are rude AF on a good day. The outfits and hair are to die for though. Lots of sparkles. Gizelle has just about the biggest earrings I’ve ever seen.

Andy asks how it was, being thrust into the spotlight. Robyn says it’s still surreal, and several people have gotten personally attacked. I can understand why, although Karen says people were attacking her looks, and that’s just wrong. Especially when there’s so much else to attack her for.

Katie has no engagement ring on and says she’s returned it. Karen says she’s not surprised and Charrisse says she thinks Katie was rushing things. Karen says she would have kept and redesigned it, but not only is that just wrong, depending on the state, it might be illegal. It’s a gift in contemplation of a marriage, so if the marriage doesn’t take place, the gift is returned. Your People’s Court lesson for today.

They discuss etiquette. The discussion goes nowhere. Next is Karen’s empty nest and fabulousness, or lack thereof. We flash back to the same. They talk about her husband being the “Black Bill Gates,” which I think Karen has made up herself. They also talk about the non-gala gala that she hosted. There’s a bit of an altercation between her and Katie where Katie’s smoky eye totally wins.

Andy asks Charrisse about events in Potomac and she’s so busy giving her resume that she forgets what the question was.

Commercial break. For the record, Sultan Wok has the best crunchy noodles ever. They’re so crisp. Not like the cheap greasy ones that a lot of take-out places give you.

Is Gizelle wearing clip-ons? Hmm…those earrings are so huge, they might have to be. They talk about Ray and Karen’s marriage and I don’t want to know. It goes to the topic of Karen’s broke-down kitchen, which I actually liked. I thought of it as “retro.” We move to Andrew saying that Karen is basically an old bat, and Katie says it has nothing to do with her. When Andy says Gizelle is the word on the street, Charrisse says it must be a small street. Ha-ha! Good Lord, then it goes to how Andrew is missing part of a finger because of a car accident, which is somehow offensive to Karen.

We go down Memory Lane with Ashley. Andy asks about the restaurant and Ashley says she didn’t realize how difficult it was going to be. Which is what everyone says when they open a restaurant. Someone tweets about Ashley’s mom and her bankruptcy and why doesn’t Ashley help. Ashley says she does help and I thought it was pretty clear that she was supportive of her mother on the show. There might have been legal reasons why her mom didn’t want to be bailed out of the bankruptcy.

Andy asks if Ashley thinks the others are jealous of her. Ashley says absolutely. They talk about Ashley “humping” Robyn when they first met. Ashley says it was just silly stuff and they all need to loosen up. It’s brought up that Gizelle used the term THOT in relation to Ashley. Katie says Gizelle didn’t like Ashley from the jump. They go over Gizelle’s complaints when they stayed at Ashley’s house. Ashley says Gizelle is like Woody Woodpecker just waiting to pick at something. Andy asks if Ashley would invite them again, and she says she’d invite Katie.

We go back to Charrisse’s crab boil, and how she and Karen called Gizelle out on the carpet afterward. There is something seriously weird about Charrisse’s face, and I mean more than normal. It looks like she’s had Botox everywhere but between her eyebrows. They talk about Karen using “the help” as a derogatory word, and she says her first job was at a Burger King/Taco Bell.

Next is Karen’s birthday and how the birthday person must sit in the middle seat. Andy asks if Karen owes Charrisse an apology for creating a ruckus at the crab boil. Karen gives the old “I apologize if it offended you” and Andy calls her on it, saying it’s the classic Real Housewife non-apology apology.

Andy asks what’s up with Robyn and Juan’s relationship. We flash back with a bunch of Robyn stuff. Andy asks if Robyn would be jealous if Juan dated someone else and she says probably. He asks if she thinks they’ll get married again and she says possibly. She says she loves him, but she’s not in love with him, even though he says he’s in love with her. She says she knows it’s there, but they need counseling and more time to know each other again.

Robyn says she turned a blind eye to the infidelity, had enough and knew divorce was the only option. They move on to the friend who ripped them off and Robyn says the guy killed himself later on. Yikes. Andy asks Ashley about being unsympathetic to Robyn’s bankruptcy. Robyn says she was a little gleeful in passing around the information. Ashley says Robyn hadn’t been nice to her, but Gizelle begs to differ. And why that should make anyone happy over financial hardships, I’m not sure. Katie says it wasn’t cool and Ashley agrees, but Katie moves on to Gizelle making fun of her. Katie and Gizelle go back and forth. Katie says Gizelle is like a chihuahua on crack and we stay on this topic way too long.

Andy finally changes direction, bringing up the bi-racial business and, yes, the butt grabbing. Sigh. It’s brought up that Gizelle generalizes too much and even she has to agree. Andy asks about Katie bringing up that Gizelle and Robyn must be bi-racial. She says she’s tired of people telling her she’s not Black enough. Gizelle seems to think Katie isn’t proud of being Black. They make nonsense conversation.Katie calls Robyn and Gizelle Dum and Dummer, and Robyn keeps screeching at her to shut up.

Next week, Andrew and Katie’s engagement is discussed, more butt grabbing discussion, the men join the group, Karen calls Charrisse a snake, and Gizelle still insists Katie is on something. Maybe she is my grandmother.

Fear the Walking Dead

Great. I have to remember everyone’s names again.

Madison stands looking at the ocean. Some small boats are coming toward the shore. There are bombs being shot off somewhere in the distance and zombies coming from another direction.

Travis tells Chris, who is grieving over Liza’s body, to get out of there, but he won’t leave. A zombie attacks Travis, but Madison whacks it in the head. Travis beats another zombie’s head in with a rock. So much for pacifism.

They get into the boats with zombies still trailing them. A zombie gets his head chopped up by a boat propeller. Nice. They all watch as the world they knew goes up in flames. And zombies. Beautiful shot of the skyline.

Everyone gets on Victor’s yacht, where he says they can survive for quite some time. They hear a bunch of yelling and see a small boat crammed with people. Madison tells Victor about it and he says there’s nothing he can do. Travis tells Alicia to go inside and listen to the radio.

Victor says they have to avoid everyone and everything. Madison tells him to stop the boat. Victor says if he does that, it’s going to be to drop folks off, not take them on. Victor guns the boat.

Alicia is hearing horrible broadcasts from other people on the water. Even the Coast Guard station is saying it’s hopeless.

Nick tells Victor he should have stopped. Victor says they already had this conversation in the pen. Nick asks what if San Diego doesn’t work out and Victor says they’ll have to wing it.

Alicia asks Madison how they know San Diego will be safe, but Madison has no answer. Travis tells Madison that Chris is just staring at the body and he doesn’t know what to do. Madison is still stuck on how they should have stopped. Travis says they’re no good if they can’t protect their own family and that’s what they need to focus on.

Alicia finds depressing music on the radio. She hears someone saying their alive and to give a shout out if they are too. They keep asking if someone is there, and Alicia has the mic in her hand, but says nothing. The voice says please say something and she says she’s there.

Chris won’t leave Liza’s corpse. He finally goes on deck and joins Daniel who’s fishing. Daniel tells him sorry about his mother and Chris says sorry about Daniel’s wife. He says neither one of them got to say good-by. Daniel catches an eel. He says not pretty, but the meat is good.

Nick asks Ofelia if she needs help with her bandage, but she says she can manage. He gives her some first aid tips including drinking lots of vodka.

Alicia is talking to the guy on the radio. She asks if it’s safe where they are. He says he thinks so. They’re in a cove, but he doesn’t want to say where. She says she understands. He asks where she was when it happened and Alicia spaces out. She says it was over before she knew it started.She asks if he lost anyone.

Travis asks Daniel how Chris is. Daniel says you don’t talk when you fish. He says one day Chris will understand what Travis did to his mother was mercy.

Madison searches the horizon with binoculars. She goes inside and finds the wheelhouse empty. She finds Victor and tells him someone is playing music out there. He says sounds can be strange on the water. She tells him he can sleep; she won’t throw him overboard. She asks if they’re all clear and he says almost. She says they should get rid of her. I assume she means Liza.

The guy on the radio talks about going to paradise. Alicia asks if they have water and he says a little bit. She says they have some kind of system. He asks if they could make Hawaii.

Madison asks Daniel what comes next. He says if this is the end of the world, it’s already over. She asks if he’s seen Victor sleep and Daniel says he doesn’ seem to need any. Madison says Victor hasn’t lied, so why doesn’t Daniel trust him? Daniel says he was packing his bags before anything happened. Madison says they should watch him and Daniel says he’s already been doing that.

Radio dude says it’s just him, his brother and his sister-in-law. He had a girlfriend, but lost her. Radio dude says his name is Jack.

Liza gets a burial at sea. Travis makes a big speech. He tries to be funny and it goes over like a lead balloon and crickets chirp. Chris ejects Liza into the water and storms off. Travis wants to talk to Chris. Chris is angry at Travis shooting Liza and doesn’t want to hear it. Travis leaves Chris alone and goes back with the others.

Something is happening to Jack. He says they’re taking on water and asks how close Alicia is to Catalina. Alicia tells Travis that someone is in trouble. Victor overhears and asks if Alicia told him anything. She says nothing important. Victor says the rules of the boat are, it’s his boat, and if it wasn’t for him, they’d all still be on land.

Nick tells Victor that Alicia is just trying to help. He says she’s helping people who don’t matter to them. Victor asks Nick if he was afraid of dying when he used. Nick says no, that’s part of being an addict and Victor says that his fearlessness has value in this world.

Chris and Travis have an altercation that gets physical. Madison tries to talk to Chris. She says it’s okay to be angry and tells him that when she was 13, she hit her father, but it didn’t end well. She tells him he needs to eat. She knows it hurts and it doesn’t go away, but what happened, had to. She says if his father hadn’t done it, she would have because she would never let that happen to someone she loved.

Everyone gathers for dinner. It’s just like Below Deck. Almost. I keep wondering what Alicia did tell that guy. Chris comes out, but goes to the deck. He sees smoke on the water and I think of Deep Purple. There’s a splash and Nick runs out and dives into the water after Chris. He grabs Chris. Chris says he just wanted to swim. Chris dives down. Looking for Liza?

Alicia tells Jack they can’t come; it’s too dangerous. He says okay, he gets her, and he’ll see her soon. Yeah, I thought so. Jack is up to no good. Victor sees something coming toward them on the sonar or radar or whatever you call it.

WTF? Chris and Nick. They keep twirling around in the water. Uh-oh. There’s a zombie with them. Would zombies float or sink? How does that work? Nick gets to the surface. The smoke has cleared and there’s an overturned boat in the distance with stuff and bodies on the water surrounding it. Chris gets back in the boat, but Nick is underneath the overturned boat. It looks like there are bullet holes in the hull. Nick takes the yacht log, but gets attacked by a zombie. For whatever reason, the zombie backs off and Nick swims out from under the boat.

Whatever Victor is seeing, the news isn’t good. He tells everyone they’re going to be leaving. Someone is joining them. He says it could be no one or it could be the ones who did that, pointing at the destroyed boat.

Travis brings Nick back in a lifeboat. Madison says whoever did that is coming back.

Next week, the gang battles the zombies on land, and try to start over.

The Shahs of Sunset

I am so glad this show is back! It’s one of my favorites. I love Reza so much!

Reza says when he came back from Thailand, everything was painful, but Adam stuck around. With therapy, they talked and communicated, and made the relationship work. He and Adam are having breakfast. There’s some sex talk and I go ♫ La-la-la! ♫

MJ’s place is a mess. New Dog Tila has joined Julio, and there’s also a boyfriend named Tommy. They met on social media. MJ wants to purge her closet. She wants to create space in her heart and mind for future cohabitation with Tommy. They are going through her shoes, which are plentiful, but I’m no one to talk. Although I don’t think we shop at the same shoe stores.

Mike and Jessica are still married at this point. Mike is having a hard time though, asking permission for every fart he blows. He and Jessica are on a hike that looks pretty daunting. Mike tells Jessica about new guy Shervin renting a yacht for his birthday. He wants to make sure she’s okay with being around the group. He says they’re willing to bury the hatchet. Jessica hopes that GG can get past her craziness, and if that can happen, she’s on board.

GG visits Asa bearing Stella Artois. Asa is starting a line of caftans. They are really beautiful. She says she wants to bring back old Hollywood glamour.

GG was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. She says she’s at a weird place where she can be crying one minute and yelling the next. Asa brings up Shervin’s birthday party. GG says she still has unresolved feelings with Jessica. Asa says they need to forgive each other. A dragonfly comes by and Asa says it’s an omen.

Mike and Jessica meet with the photographer. Mike says his wedding night was the best night of his life. The photographer quotes them $1500 for the album and Mike says some people spend that on their whole wedding. While it was quite the extravagant operation, I think he’s wrong about that and I was surprised that the price of the photography is so low. I had a friend take photos, so my price was nothing, but still. We get a glimpse into the wedding through the video. It would have been nice to see more of that.

Asa and Reza are shopping at Jonathan Adler. Reza is looking for some stuff for his new house. Reza tells Asa that he and Adam are in a much better place and ready to get married. He says he’d like her to do whatever is necessary for her to officiate at the ceremony. He wants to have everyone out for a weekend at the new house and have a surprise ceremony. Asa is thrilled.

New guy Shervin is GG’s cousin Nima’s best friend. Before the yacht party, the three get together and have a toast to Shervin’s birthday. It’s going to be a white party, so they dress accordingly.

Mike tells Jessica he’s all for her voicing her opinion, but he wants to bridge the gap. Jessica says she’s ready to move on, but she’s not going to be fake. She adds that GG is a loose canon and you never know what you’re going to get.

Reza, Asa and MJ go in the same limo and stop a million times along the way. MJ also recreates her dress that she’s discovered is uncomfortable. Reza says he doesn’t have anxiety about seeing Mike and Jessica, but that they are going to be trapped on a boat with alcohol.

Everything seems to be going well. The boat leaves and Shervin isn’t on it. No GG either. I think he’s going to make some kind of entrance. Mike tries to call, but it goes to voicemail. Yep, here comes a helicopter.

The helicopter lands on the deck. GG is also in it. There’s a deck pool! With a mermaid in it! It’s amazing and I cry because my invitation got lost in the email. GG and Mike’s meeting is cautious, but goes well. Mike tells Reza that they need to find time to sit down together on another day. Reza says he’ll be glad to move forward, but he doesn’t want to rehash old stuff..

The drinks are flowing. Shervin asks GG what’s up with Jessica. They haven’t spoken yet and Shervin wants to call her over. He says he has a gift for making amends. Good luck with that. He has Jessica sit down with GG.

Jessica says she’s been wanting to talk to GG, but wasn’t sure when the right time would be. She says she was shocked when GG let fly about Mike trying to sleep with her. She says they’re married now and she doesn’t care, but at the time, she ended up looking like the crazy one. GG starts to talk, but Reza comes by and GG doesn’t want an audience. GG says thanks a lot to Reza.

More drinking! There’s lots of fabulous food, but I don’t know how much is being eaten. Mike suggests GG has a drinking problem, but that’s a bit of the pot calling the Shah black. Shervin is sure that his birthday has brought everyone together in love, peace and harmony, when really they’re just drunk.

Reza makes a toast, saying how they’re all family and his people are together. He’s quite inibriated and throws some of the birthday cake and some lands on Asifa’s dress. More cake gets thrown and Asifa accuses GG of throwing it on her. Asifa goes past GG and smears cake on her. GG gets pissed about Asifa touching her, pushes Asifa and tells her to take a swim. Cake is everywhere and Reza thinks both girls need some help. Ha-ha-ha! He started it!

GG is pretty smashed and gets another drink. Everybody seems concerned about her. She’s also shoving a sub sandwich in her face. Everyone debarks.

Next week, GG stays at Shervin’s, Jessica says she and Mike can’t seem to hold on to a dollar and MJ’s mother hates her boyfriend. No surprise.