Tag Archives: The Real Housewives

August 30, 2018 – Dallas Does Beaver Creek, No Shows, Two Quote Quads & a Laborious Quote

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

The Real Housewives of Dallas

At her Bubbles and Bru party, Stephanie introduces their favorite ginger family. Brandi takes the mic, and says they’re honored to share the news with all of them about the new baby. Stephanie had everything to do with it, and she loves her. She thanks everyone for being there. LeeAnne is like, what? D’Andra is in total shock, thinking they were getting a divorce. Kameron wonders why they kept it a secret. Brandi asks to talk to LeeAnne in private. In her interview, Brandi says she doesn’t want to live her life fighting over nonsense. She wants LeeAnne to know she’s at a positive place and wants to start fresh. LeeAnne says she felt like they had a friendship, and was devastated. She didn’t know what to expect. At the reunion, Brandi had said she didn’t see a future for them. We flash back to that. She wants find a way to move forward. In her interview, LeeAnne says if Cary is willing to give her a second chance, she should give Brandi one. She tells Brandi they should take the good they had and move forward with it. They hug. Kameron doesn’t know what’s happening. They’re all getting along. Maybe it’s a magical baby, taking all the negativity out of the air.

LeeAnne tells Kameron about her talk with Brandi. Kameron thinks they’re all in a good place, and should go to Beaver Creek in Colorado. Her husband has built a place there. She tells everyone about her idea. In her interview, Brandi says she’s had three hours of sleep since Bruin arrived, and she needs a girls trip.

D’Andra congratulates Brandi. They laugh about how the baby looks like her. Brandi says podcast where S’Andra mentioned Adderall bothered her. She felt attacked. D’Andra says the podcast wasn’t about her, only abuse of the drug in general, but Brandi says D’Andra had been talking about her. In her interview, Cary says D’Andra already told her it was about Brandi, but she’s too chicken sh*t to admit it. D’Andra says that around Dallas, people are taking it like candy. In her interview, D’Andra says she didn’t mention names. She just said Adderall was abused in Dallas. Brandi doesn’t like to be accused of what didn’t do, and says she has a valid source who told her about it. Cary joins them. D’Andra says they’re good. Cary admits to having a conversation with Brandi about it. In her interview, D’Andra affirms she told Cary about Brandi. She says Cary made it worse by telling Brandi. Her issue isn’t with Cary though. She thinks Brandi should have asked her directly, instead of relying on what someone else said. Enjoy your baby and your Adderall. Okay. If she’s so innocent, why would she say it like that? These chicks get mean when they get caught. Brandi isn’t taking it because it’s party time.

Kameron tells Cary that she doesn’t have to be fancy in Colorado. She’s excited about the trip. She sends pajamas to everyone to wear on the private jet. PJs on the pj. Stephanie is also going to Italy, and packing for both trips. She’s doing half the trip to Colorado, and then going to Italy with the family. Brandi talks about D’Andra deflecting and not owning it.

D’Andra isn’t thrilled to go on the trip. She tells Jeremy that obviously Brandi has a problem and is making her look like a bully. This is what happens when you don’t communicate one on one. She says Cary isn’t helping the situation. She’s going to Colorado because she committed to the trip, but she’s not getting pulled into anything.

The Westcott family jet is ready to go. Brandi pops champagne. D’Andra isn’t wearing he PJs. She thinks her butt looks too big in pink stripes, and doesn’t cave to peer pressure when her ass is involved. In her interview, Kameron says she had the monogrammer on call; D’Andra better put them on. She passes out an itinerary, and tells them a private chef is coming. Brandi is going to miss the baby, but looking forward to sleeping in and having some drinks.

They head to Beaver Liquors. It took Kameron a while to get why people laughed about the name. I understand this, since it took me a while to understand why people were up in arms over Brooke Shields’s Calvin Klein ad. I thought she just really liked her jeans. The girls have a laugh over the novelty T-shirts. Brandi gets a naughty poster to hang up at Kameron’s house as a prank. Stephanie says, when you bring immature people to a place called Beaver Liquors, it’s to be expected. D’Andra starts drinking in the store.

No surprise, the house is fabulous. LeeAnne calls it architecturally stunning. It’s like log cabin meets Tudor, and over 11,000 square feet. There’s even a bowling alley. Kameron says, it’s like an adult slumber party. She was the queen of slumber parties as a child, until she got lice from sharing a pillow. The girls compare the elevator to the one in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Cary picks out her favorite toilet for pooping later.

Brandi wants to hang the poster in Kameron’s room. Stephanie wants her to have a god time with them. Brandi thinks every time she plays a prank, the stick in Kameron’s ass comes out a little more. D’Andra says, it’s the calm before the storm, and Kameron wonders what’s going to happen next. In her interview, Stephanie thinks if they bother Kameron enough, she’ll realize they’re fun and it’s okay to be stupid. Kameron finds the poster taped to her bed, and says, this is not okay. It is pretty rude, but not horrible. She comes out saying, what is this? In her interview, she says they want to get a rise out of her to see what she’ll do.

Stephanie asks if she likes it. In her interview, Brandi says Kameron secretly loves her. It’s like flirting when Kameron gives her a hard time. Brandi says Kameron’s liquor store sold it; she’s just honoring them. In her interview, Brandi expected Kameron to be more annoyed. She sees a glimmer of hope. LeeAnne thinks it’s just their sense of humor. D’Andra tells Kameron to act unphased. We flash back to Brandi’s various pranks. D’Andra says there are plenty things to be mad about, but this isn’t one of them. LeeAnne offers to teach Kameron meditation.

Stephanie and Brandi play in the snow, and I’m jealous. Kameron tries to mediate, but keeps laughing. She has a hard time sitting still and taking it seriously. LeeAnne agrees it’s hard not to think about fashion while clearing your mind. Cary brings them (I think) daquiris, and joins in. LeeAnne tells them to focus on breathing. She taps the bowl, and tells them let go of their thoughts. Kameron starts laughing again.

Kameron tells us that house manager Sophia is like Mary Poppins, and found an amazing chef. They sit down to dinner. Stephanie would rather have a conversation with D’Andra one on one, without a lot of opinions. Everyone has something to say about everything. The salad is served, and LeeAnne says, they don’t make this at Costco. Kameron wants them to know she’s fun. She’s brought out a game where you pick a card, and answer the question on it. Everyone is drinking, and LeeAnne just has water, but she says she’s good with that. In her interview, she’s afraid if she drinks too much, she’ll be vulnerable to being offended by stupidity. She’s not interested in opening herself up like that at this point. They do tequila shots, and the chef serves short ribs.

Kameron can’t believe Stephanie has a baby. She says Stephanie didn’t even blink while telling her tall tale. She could have just said she had surprise, instead of making her look like an idiot. Believe me, it’s not her tall tale that did that. In her interview, Kameron says she felt left out. I’m not sure why, since Cary is the only one that knew. Stephanie apologizes. Brandi takes the blame. Cary wants another drink. Kameron says she’s happy for Brandi. She loves games, but it wasn’t the game she wanted to play. In her interview, Cary says arguing with Kameron is frustrating. Her brain goes on repeat. She tells Kameron not to be a badger. Kameron reads from a card, asking, what reveals most about a person’s sexual skills; they way they drink, dance, or kiss? Brandi asks Kameron to kiss her, saying she has the best lips. Kameron says that’s sweet, but no. Brandi says she’s only been with one person. Kameron could be number two.

Brandi comes to Kameron’s side of the table. She says she knows Kameron doesn’t like her. Kameron says they’d just met, and Brandi chased her on the beach with a giant chocolate dildo. We flash back to that. Brandi grabs Kameron, and kisses her. D’Andra asks if Brandi is making up with her, and Brandi says she’ll make out.

They go out to the hot tub. Cary gets nakey. Kameron asks where her bathing suit is. In her interview, Kameron says, first, Brandi wants to make out; then Brandi and Cary get naked. Is she that irresistible? LeeAnne says she’s going to bed early. Too many shots and naked tw*ts spell trouble. In her interview, Cary feels like something is off with LeeAnne. She hopes the meditation helps her behavior. She thinks you can be fun and respectful at the same time.

D’Andra thinks LeeAnne is being reserved, and that she’s had too much to drink. Kameron asks if D’Andra felt left out. Cary thinks it’s stupid.  Brandi says if she doesn’t want to explain herself, she’s not attacking anyone. In her interview, Brandi says instead of celebrating, Kameron is making her feel like sh*t because she didn’t tell her. Kameron says she felt like she wasn’t really Brandi’s friend. Stephanie tells Kameron not to bash Brandi about adopting a baby. Kameron says she would never do that, and don’t put words in her mouth. Brandi leaves the room, and Cary follows her. Stephanie tells Kameron to quit making Brandi feel bad because didn’t know.

Brandi cries in the bedroom, and Cary comforts her. Kameron insists that’s not what she said. In her interview, Stephanie says Kameron shouldn’t bash Brandi about adopting a baby, but Kameron heard something different. She wants to live in her world where she’s a victim. In her interview, Kameron says Stephanie is staying in her home and accusing her of bashing Brandi for adopting a baby. Don’t put words in her mouth. Brandi wants to go home. Stephanie joins them. In her interview, Brandi thinks it’s a lot. She doesn’t owe Kameron anything, and didn’t think they were that close.

Kameron doesn’t understand why Stephanie is putting words in her mouth. Cary is right about her brain going on repeat. She was talking about Brandi’s behavior. Stephanie says it’s Kameron’s house, and as a classy woman, she should make Brandi feel comfortable and safe; not having to tell her that she’s sorry all night. Brandi says she has better things to do, like get out of there. Kameron doesn’t want Stephanie in her house right now.

Next time, Kameron wants Stephanie to leave, more fun in the snow, and D’Andra tells LeeAnne to get her act together with Rich.

🍹 The Shahs of Sunset was a repeat of last weeks episode about the passing of Shams.

👯 General Hospital was a rerun today, and ditto through Monday. There will be a new episode of Fear the Walking Dead on Sunday night, but no new episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County on Monday, although Southern Charm Savannah is a new one.

😴 Since it’s doubtful I’ll be posting tomorrow…

👄 Quotes of the Week

Accountability is meaningless unless it’s for everybody.Stephen Colbert

Does the cheese come out of the cow with the holes? – Barry (Steve Carell), talking to Swiss client, Dinner for Schmucks

You know why God made snakes before lawyers? He needed the practice. – Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk), Better Call Saul

It’s like they say. Location, location, koi pond. – Progressive TV commercial

🚧

Genius begins great works; labor alone finishes them.Joseph Joubert

No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance, and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.Tim Notke

And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.Ecclesiastes 3:13

HappyLaborDay

 

December 26, 2017 – Drum’s Christmas Message, Nina Gets Tough, Beverly Hills Leaves Vegas Unscathed & a Ferris Wheel

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

🎄 First Things First🎄

DSCN7029 (2)

🎅 Drum sez: Hope youse had a Merry Christmas! 🎅

Moving on…

General Hospital

Anna and Finn go to the gym. He wonders why she wanted him there, and she tells him self-defense lessons.

At Kelly’s, Valentin tells Nina that Lulu is late with Charlotte, but he’s not giving her the satisfaction of being annoyed. Lulu and Charlotte arrive, and Nina tells Charlotte that they waited to open their presents. Charlotte tells Valentin that she asked Santa for something special, and asks if he thinks Santa brought it. He says Santa is magic, so perhaps he did. Lulu asks if they read her article, because that totally fits with the conversation.

Maxie and Nathan talk to Kim about Nathan’s medical history. He wonders if the records really belong to Victor.

Peter goes to Sam’s office. She asks if he’s ready to go over the projections for next year, and he says he’s more concerned if there’s going to be a next year. He asks her who actually owns the company?

Sonny knocks on Drew’s door, telling him, merry Christmas. Drew says it was yesterday, and Sonny says he knows, and their families didn’t even check in with each other. He’d like to fix that.

At the station, Jordan tells Dante that Mayor Lomax canceled their meeting. She’s been in a closed-door meeting of her own all day. Jordan wonders where Lulu got the proof about the election, and Dante tells her at Windemere.

Valentin tells Charlotte to get some cookies to take home. Lulu wonders if there’s something about the article Valentin doesn’t want Charlotte to know. He says not unless she wants to explain to her how she used Charlotte’s Christmas list to snoop around Windemere. The election happened before he moved there, and Spencer had found the ballot box. While Spencer had no idea what he’d found, Valentin says the ballots had been counted then. Now, all these years later, Lulu finds them, and it leads her to believe the election was thrown. She says she doesn’t think Spencer did it, and Valentin says that would be sophisticated even for him, but not for his father. He thinks she should start working on a follow-up article on how Spencer’s father threw the election.

Peter tells Sam that he doesn’t mean to be obtuse, but Jason Morgan’s money was used to buy the company, so isn’t the company his? Sam says it’s already been discussed, and Jason gave the company to them. Peter says it’s a generous gift, and Sam says Jason is a generous guy. He wonders if she wants to put it on record, and do a story about the brothers from a personal angle. She tells him absolutely not, and he says she can’t blame him for trying.

Drew invites Sonny in. Sonny says the last time they saw each other was at the police station, when Drew accused him of paying Andre to lie. Drew admits he was wrong, but says it made sense at the time. Sonny says he thought Drew was Jason, but now that they know truth, he wants Drew to know he’s still his friend.

Anna tries to get Finn to warm up. She tells him that he could be in a fight for his life. He says he’s not completely helpless, and thinks he can look after himself. She flips him onto the mat.

Nathan tells Kim that his mom could have put Victor’s name on someone else’s records. Kim says that’s illegal, but Maxie says that’s not a problem for Nathan’s mother. Nathan tells her about the Cassadines’ blood disorder history. Kim says Nathan has been tested, and isn’t a carrier, but whoever the records belong to, was never tested. Maxie tells Nathan that there’s really no way to know who his father is without a DNA test. Nathan says he’s only worried about the baby being affected.

Lulu says the ballots don’t prove that Nicolas did anything untoward. Valentin asks if it isn’t her job to find out, or at least the job of a journalist with integrity. Charlotte comes back, saying they’re making a new batch of cookies. Lulu tells her how great it was to spend Christmas together, and is looking forward to many more. When she leaves, Nina asks Charlotte how her Christmas was, and Charlotte says it was fine, but she missed her and papa.

Anna helps Finn up. He says he was trying to bow out gracefully, and she tells him that she was making a point. He tells her that later, he’ll dazzle her with his doctor moves. Anna says he’s going up against professionals. Finn says his only goal is putting Cassandra out of business. Anna says the whole thing could be trap, and it’s her operation. She brought him into this kicking and screaming, and then he refused to go. She can’t let anything happen to him. He asks why not? Isn’t he just another asset? She says he’s more than that, and he knows it.

Peter tells Sam that he’ll have the projections by the first of next week. Crimson is still the most consistent performer, and there was a bump in circulation from the Ask Man Landers story; it touched a lot of hearts. That’s what he meant by a personal angle. The publisher in him can’t help regretting the story that got away. They discuss the Lomax story, and how it looks like she stole the election. Sam says according to her mother, apparently Lomax likes to abuse the power of her office. Peter asks if Alexis would like to talk about it for the magazine, but Sam says no. He says it seems like her family wants to publish the news, not be in it, but if she was to publicize a story about Drew, some people might come forward with information.

Drew appreciates and respects Sonny coming, and doesn’t want to disrespect it by saying meaningless words. Sonny is still his friend, and he’s looking at his best friend and brother, but those feelings aren’t real. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with that. They belong to someone else.

Sonny says he never knew Drew like he knew Jason, but that doesn’t change that Drew saved his life. It wasn’t Jason who kept him alive or went after Morgan to save him from himself; it was Drew. Drew says he loved Morgan, and he’s sorry. He should have been able to save him. Sonny says he tried, and he honors Drew for that. He’ll always be grateful, and he’s still his friend.

Kim tells Nathan that the goal is to get records that are as complete as possible, but the key word is “possible.” Is he reasonably sure these are his father’s records? Nathan says, reasonably, and Kim says then he’s done what he can. They’re on track to have healthy baby. Out in the hallway, Nathan asks Maxie if he’s paranoid. She says as long as the records are accurate, who cares about the name on them?

Sam drops by Kim’s office, and wants to talk to her about Drew.

Lulu comes to the station. Jordan tells her that whatever she hears there is off the record. Lulu agrees, unless it’s something good. Then she’ll ask whoever said it if she can use it. Jordan says she can live with that compromise, and tells her, nice work. Dante tells Lulu that if the election is invalid, Lomax could face criminal charges, so why doesn’t she seem happy? Lulu says maybe she didn’t dig deep enough. She’s going to have to do a second article, and Nicholas probably threw the election.

Nina tells Charlotte about how Valentin let the staff have the night off, and made dinner himself. Then they went outside for a walk, and watched for Santa. Valentin says it’s hard for grown-ups to see Santa, but he thinks he saw a sleigh out of the corner of his eye. Nina tells her that when they came back, the stockings were filled, and presents were under the tree. Cassandra walks in, and says, what a charming sight; Valentin Cassadine and family.

Finn thinks Anna is implying that she might care about him, and she says she cares about his safety. He asks if the kiss meant nothing, and Anna calls it an unwanted distraction. Finn asks if she’s sure, and she says she doesn’t know. He moves closer as if to kiss her, and places his hand on her neck. She keels over, and he says he’s not entirely helpless.

Lulu tells Dante that Nicolas was living there at the time. He could have swapped out the ballots, but he was supporting Felicia’s campaign. Dante says he had a lot of secrets, and might have wanted someone he could bribe in office, but there’s no real evidence anyway. A man from the board of elections comes in, and asks to see Jordan. He tells Jordan that the ballots are authentic, and the election is invalid.

Cassandra gifts Charlotte with a sparkly skating costume. Nina says what a coincidence that she happened come in with a gift just when they happened to be there. She tells Valentin to go with Charlotte to pick up the cookies, and that she’s got this. Cassandra says she hopes she hasn’t overstepped, and Nina startles all of us by grabbing her hair, and pulling her close. She tells her to never get near Charlotte again. Nathan and Maxie walk in, and Nathan asks if everything is okay. Nina says it is, and Cassandra was just leaving – unless she wants Valentin to escort her out. She doesn’t. Nathan asks who that woman was, and why was Nina trying to rip her hair out by the roots?

Finn helps Anna up, and tells her that he’s a doctor. He knows how to put pressure to carotid arteries. She says no one will let him get close enough, and he says she did. She tells him it was one time, and it won’t happen again. He begins to get close to her again, but his phone rings. It’s Cassandra. He says he was just thinking about her. She tells him that she wants him to review the formula, and they make plans to meet at her suite in the morning.

Drew is glad he could be there for Sonny when he thought he was Jason, but Sonny wasn’t just looking for friend. Sonny wanted a guy to do what he needed to have done, despite the effect on his family and friends. Sonny says what gives him power, could turn on him and his family if he tried to walk away. Jason has a certain loyalty that Drew didn’t have. He isn’t questioning Drew, but was just confused when he tried to distance himself.

Sam tells Kim that she spent the morning fending off the CEO of her own company. He wanted to do a story on Jason, and he made a valid point. Someone might come forward with information. Kim asks if coming to her was the next best thing, and invites Sam to sit. She asks what Sam wants to know, and Sam asks her to start off with how they met. Kim says they met in a bar in San Diego. Drew was charming, funny, respectable, and polite. He didn’t hit on her, but asked her out. He was clear right away about being deployed, and Sam asks if there was no hope for a future. Kim says, none. Their three-month relationship was about living in the present. The farthest they thought ahead was the next weekend, and the most they talked about their past was where they’d spent the Christmas before. After he left, his correspondence was vague. The only thing he’d say was that it was cold, and he had an incredible view of the night’s sky. Sam asks about him growing up, but Kim says she only got bits and pieces. He grew up in a group home. She thought he might have been lonely, but maybe it was just her own projection. He liked high school, and attended one somewhere upstate (that’s New York state for those who don’t live in the area). Kim wonders if she was any help, but Sam doesn’t know. She thinks maybe she’s doing it wrong. Andre said Drew’s past was obliterated, but when he saw Kim, he thought she seemed familiar. He had the feeling he knew her, but couldn’t pinpoint from where, and Sam thought it might be a memory coming through, the way wallpaper bleeds through when you paint over it. She was hoping if she found some information, it could jar his memory. Kim doesn’t think has anything else that can help, and Sam says sorry to bother her; it was a long shot. Kim thanks her for being kind about Oscar. Sam says he seems like a great kid, and Drew is looking forward to being his father. She’s happy for them. After Sam leaves, Kim looks at Oscar’s picture, and makes a soap opera face.

Lulu is looking for Sam at her office, and Peter sees her. He asks if she’s looking for kudos from the publisher, and she says she would like him to hold up his end of the bargain. He tells her that she got paid, but she says he promised her a position on the staff.

Nina tells Nathan that everything is fine. Hopefully, she’ll never lay eyes on that woman again, and if she does, she’ll try to control herself. Nathan tells her things going well and the baby is going to be healthy. She gets all excited, and hugs him. She has to get back to her family, hoping she can persuade Charlotte to get rid of the tacky outfit. Maxie brings Nathan some coffee, saying he looks stressed. She asks if he’s still hung up on the Victor thing. Without the DNA, there’s nothing they can do. He says he’ll have to live with uncertainty, since his mom is never going to give him any information. Maxie decides to stay at Kelly’s for a while.

Finn says the lesson is over. Anna says it wasn’t much of one. She threw him on his ass, and he gave her the Vulcan death grip. Finn is certain he can lure Cassandra into close proximity. He tells Anna that before she gives him a litany of warnings, he has no intention of getting killed. He has too much to live for – Roxie, his patients… and other things. He has this. He tells her to wish him luck. She says he’ll need more than luck.

Sonny says that when Drew said no to a legit project, he accepted it, but it didn’t make sense. When Jason came back, it did. Drew tells him it sounds like Jason does whatever he asks. Sonny says they understand each other. As soon as he saw Jason, he knew it was him and said so, but he didn’t betray Drew. Drew apologizes, saying he can wrap his head around it now, but hopes Sonny understands he couldn’t at the time. Sonny’s brother is back, and he’s not Jason. As much as they might still be friends, their lives are moving in different directions, and don’t fit together. Sam walks in.

She asks if everything is okay. Sonny says he was just about to leave. He respects Drew’s choice, but if they ever need anything, just ask. Sam asks Drew what just happened. He says two guys coming to grips with reality. His life doesn’t start and stop with Sonny, but does with her, because he loves her, and that’s all that matters.

Lulu tells Peter that he said if she brought him a major story, he’d find her a position on staff. Peter says one article is only like one brick in building a house. She needs to follow up. She tells him that it was confirmed the election was invalid. He tells her to get to work; she’s on a deadline.

Dante tells Nathan it’s official, and maybe Felicia will be the mayor after all. Nathan says it’s all thanks to Lulu, and her career is off to a good start. Dante compares her to Maxie, saying they never miss an opportunity to go rogue.

Charlotte asks about Lumiere, and Nina says she’s waiting for Charlotte to feed her the Christmas presents she got. On her way out the door, Maxie plucks a hair from Valentin’s head. He’s like, hey! and she says she was just helping him polish his appearance; he’s welcome. He asks Nina what happened to playing nice with Cassandra, and she says Cassandra threatened Charlotte. He says she’s going to be leaving soon one way or another.

Anna tells Finn that she doesn’t want him unprepared or undefended. He tells her that he won’t carry a gun, but she wouldn’t dream of violating his principles. He says, that’s a change, and she says there are other ways to defend yourself.

Kim shows up at Drew and Sam’s place. She says that a strong trigger for memory is music, and gives him the CD. She tells him that he made it for her, and it contains songs he liked or had meaning for him. He says that Oscar told him about it. She suggests he listen to it, and maybe it will bring something back.

Tomorrow, Griff says Ava can’t know, Maxie asks Amy to put Nathan’s mind at rest, and Cassandra says Finn isn’t the man she thought he was.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

When we last left Vegas, LisaR had just arrived. She’s introduced to Teddi, and pretends it’s great to see everyone. Kyle feels since she extended the invitations, it’s on her, and hopes they’re all able to get along. Good luck with that. LisaR thinks the birthday celebrations are a good way to start fresh.

Erika is channeling Russian hooker along with supermodel. Whatever that means to you. Adrienne Maloof joins them, and her face looks like a balloon. Why do these women always over do it with the fillers? Erika shows up looking more like a dominatrix than anything else. Adrienne is there for a hot minute, and then disappears never to be seen again.

The ladies go out for dinner. LisaR says it was a nice surprise to be invited, and in her interview, Dorit says it was a surprise for her too. Kyle says LVP is obsessed with the huge Ferris wheel, so it’s on the agenda. Teddi explains that she’s an accountability coach for fitness. This is a thing? I could do that, yell at people to quit making excuses and work out. She says she’s struggled her entire life with her weight, and at one point weighed two hundred pounds. She wants to help other women meet their goals.

Erika and Dorit talk children. Dorit feels that Erika is a lot warmer. Erika wants to see LisaR shake her groove thing, and they move on to a club. What happened to the Ferris wheel? BTW, they look as stupid as the rest of us on the dance floor after having a few drinks. There are happy birthday messages projected onto a screen on the stage for Teddi, LisaR, Dorit, and Erika, along with their photos, which makes them all dance harder.

LisaR calls her daughters and finds out that one ordered a $280 steak. On her card. Dorit checks in with PK, and video chats with baby Phoenix. He asks about LisaR. Dorit says she’s okay, but she needs to get some things off her chest. In her interview, she says she has some unresolved issues, and she’ll feel fake if she doesn’t say anything.

Kyle, LisaR, and Camille go to the pool, while Erika, Dorit, and Teddi do some gambling. Not my thing. I played the slots in Atlantic City for a few hours once while waiting for a concert to begin, and I’m good for life. Teddi wins $800 right off the bat. In her interview, she talks about living with a roommate and eating ramen, which is why she’s tight with her money. Erika says time doesn’t exist when she’s gambling. They order cocktails. At ten in the morning. Dorit says it’s five o’clock somewhere. They discuss having a budget for gambling. That’s what I did on my foray, but I’ll bet (ha-ha) that they brought more than a few rolls of quarters. In her interview, Teddi says she’s not impressed with how much anyone is willing to spend; she’s not throwing it away. I’m with you, sister. I came home only a quarter shy. Dorit wins, and gets excited all over again about her birthday. She says dinner is on her tonight. True story. Gamblers are nuts. When I was at the casino, they still had the old pull-the-lever slot machines. Everything is electronic now, so they took away the one aspect I thought was fun. Anyway, I saw an empty one on the end of a row, and started moving toward it. This old lady pops out of nowhere, and hisses, this one is mine! I was like, lady, take it. I guess she was playing several at a time. Honestly, she frightened me.

After Vegas, Kyle is going with her family on vacation to Croatia. (sigh) LisaR wonders why there’s no young people at the pool. LVP joins the gamblers. In her interview, Erika says Vegas isn’t the place to be accountable for anything. They decide to go shopping, but frugal Teddi opts for the pool.

LVP is glad Dorit and Erika have set aside their differences. Erika says everything was said that needed to be, and it was time to move on. LVP wants to get to know Erika better. She responds to texts, but LVP isn’t feeling the warmth of friendship. In her interview, Erika says she needs to work on her TLC with the girlfriends.

Kyle commends LisaR on her entrance, and LisaR says she doesn’t tend to hold on to things. Dorit talks with the others about clearing things up, as LisaR wonders who would want to rehash anything. Erika treats LVP to some expensive skincare products.

At the pool, Camille actually gets in the water. Teddi thought going to Vegas with strangers on her birthday was going to be a disaster, but she’s having fun. Oh, just wait.

Kyle talks to Erika about Harry confronting her about Kim on the hiking trail. She told him she’s not responsible for her sister’s actions. Erika says she should let LisaR know what happened, but tread lightly.

Finally, the Ferris wheel. It’s called the High Roller. Kyle is afraid of heights, and is hesitant. She says omg over and over while getting in. She’s glad there’s a bar. Wait, this isn’t like a real Ferris wheel. This is a rich person’s Ferris wheel. The cabs are little rooms with bars in them, and the whole thing moves very slowly, taking forty minutes to go around. Kyle feels embarrassed. Geez, no one is even looking at the view. In her interview, LisaR says everyone is pretending like it’s okay, when it’s not. Kyle says it’s her last chance to talk to LisaR about Harry. Too late. Dorit hijacks her moment.

LisaR doesn’t want to rehash the past, but Dorit doesn’t want to feel like she’s going to be attacked. Erika wonders if this is the place. LisaR says PK had some harsh things to say about her, like calling her schizophrenic. She’s flummoxed that Dorit isn’t buying that he said anything bad. Apparently, Dorit didn’t watch the show. Kyle thinks Teddi should do an intervention, but she’s not interested in getting involved. Somehow, these girls have mixed up being a fitness accountability coach with being a therapist. Dorit tells LisaR she did nothing to her, and in her interview, LisaR wonders why she’s not taking responsibility for her part. She tells Dorit she knows she can seem like a bitch, but she’s not. Erika asks Kyle if she’s going to say something. Dorit says she felt like LisaR had bad intentions. LisaR says she can’t force Dorit to like her, but would like Dorit to give knowing her a chance. Dorit says LisaR hurt her, and LisaR says she’s sorry for that. Dorit agrees to start clean, and they shake on it, saying they’re grown-ups. LisaR feels like a weight has been lifted. She wants to show her girls you can be a strong woman without being a bitch.

Dorit says they agree it’s a slow process, but got it out. Kyle feels she has to say something. She tells LisaR that the day after Kim gave back the bunny, something happened, and she feels badly not having shared with her. LisaR says Harry told her about it. Kyle says she felt like Harry was an extension of LisaR, and thought it was amazing how he defended her, but she’s not fighting her sister’s battles. LisaR is sorry it happened, and says the timing was bad, but Harry loves Kyle. In her interview, Kyle is glad LisaR apologized. LVP says LisaR should understand PK’s position. LisaR says she’s learned more during her time with this group of women than in her entire life, but doesn’t say what she learned exactly. LVP has hope. LisaR says it’s hard to admit when you’re an a-hole. Erika thinks it’s a miracle that everyone is getting along, and is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Me too.

Kyle has to pack, but the others go to a really cool bar. It looks like a library with a huge gas fireplace along one wall. Erika takes the ice out of a drink, and pretends it’s a sex toy. Good thing Kameron from Dallas Housewives isn’t there. They pass the ice around. Kyle joins them, and they ask her what it looks like. She says a wiener. Ding-ding-ding! We have a wiener winner! She says she has to get moving, but she’s amazed that the trip went so well. There’s still time.

Dorit asks Teddi about growing up with her dad. Teddi says he’s laid back and chill, so there was no difference to her. Erika says she wouldn’t know, since she was twenty-five when she met her dad. It was like meeting a stranger. Her mother was eighteen when she was born, and he left when she was nine months old. In her interview, LisaR says she has empathy, and it’s another piece of the puzzle. Erika must want to protect herself. Erika says she missed out, but at the same time doesn’t feel like something is missing in her life. She has other fabulous relationships. In her interview, she says no matter what some people think, she didn’t marry her dad; her dad is much younger than her husband. In her interview, Teddi says Erika comes off like she’s too cool, but maybe she shouldn’t be trying so hard with her. Teddi tells the group that if she says anything that offends them, to tell her. They say they will. I’m surprised she even thinks she has to say that. I guess no one noticed that Teddi was asked a question, and Erika made it all about her. Just sayin’.

It’s time to leave Vegas. Dorit goes to Teddi’s room, where there’s a breakfast spread. Teddi tells Dorit that she had fun and is glad she came. They seem like a fun group. She didn’t have an immediate connection with Erika though, and thought she might be trying too hard. Dorit says it’s the first time she and Erika connected, and you have to earn her trust. It might take a while, but let things happen naturally. They toast to the successful trip. I go into shock that there were no fights. Although there’s still the airport and the plane ride home.

Next time, the construction on Kyle’s house is driving her mad, Teddi shows off her equestrian skills, and we learn more about Erika’s father.

🌆 New show Bethenny and Fredrik, revolving around real estate, begins on Tuesday, February 6th at 10 pm. Should be interesting. They both have steamroller personalities.

🎡 The High Roller

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December 13, 2016 – Tom is Trapped, Dorit is Celebrating & Caroline #1 is Just Plain Rude

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Tom says Franco can’t keep him forever. Franco says he’s in there because of what he did to Elizabeth and clearly he hasn’t been rehabilitated. He tells Tom he’s going to make sure that he never hurts anyone again.

Hayden and Finn are talking and all of a sudden she has a seizure, and the alarms go off.

Carly asks Michael what’s up with his outfit. He says Nell felt under-dressed for the gala, so he made some modifications. He asks if Carly has seen Nell, and explains she was gone when he came back to the terrace.

Nell asks herself why she went with Michael when she knew it was only going to make things harder. She looks at her scar and says it doesn’t change what Carly did, and she deserves what she has coming.

Sonny asks Jason if he’s going to tell Carly what happened between him and Nell.

Carly tells Michael that maybe they got their wires crossed. Nell wouldn’t just leave when they were having a good time. He says maybe she’s right.

Nell looks at the note from her father that she keeps in a music/jewelry box. The kind with the ballerina that spins around. Her phone rings.

Sonny says Jason can’t run to Carly and tell her. Jason says he wasn’t going to do that, but he wants sonny to. Sonny says he’s not easing his conscience at Carly’s expense.

Michael and Carly discuss Christmas plans. She tells him that she and Sonny are getting along, and she’s probably spending most of Christmas at his house. Michael asks if they’re getting back together. She says she didn’t mean to imply that, but they are getting along, and she thinks it would be good for all of them to be together.

Tracy runs into Hayden’s room and tells Hayden she’s going to be all right. Finn injects a stabilizer. It’s the drug he’s been taking, and Tracy says she thought he was running low. He says he is, and it won’t keep them both alive much longer.

Tom tells Franco that he paid his debt to society. Tom asks what Franco deserves. Franco says he was sick, and Tom asks what he thinks this is. Franco says he’s doing a public service and protecting every woman who’s unlucky enough to cross Tom’s path. Elizabeth knocks at the door. Franco turns up the music, and gives Tom a shock on the collar before he can say anything. Franco tells him if he tries to take off the collar, he’ll turn it up to Irish Wolfhound.

Franco answers the door. Elizabeth says she’s on her dinner break, and she needs to talk to him about Tom.

Finn says now that he and Hayden are sharing, it’s two weeks tops. Tracy says she’ll call Sonny, but Finn says the last time was a problem, and this time someone might call the FBI. He says Hayden was exposed to a concentrated form of the disease, so it’s hitting her harder, and the shot will only keep her going one or two days. Tracy tells him to get to work and quit hovering around her; the only hope they have is for him to find a cure. She tells him to get on it before she has to bury him, and he has to bury Hayden. Hmm…that sequence doesn’t sound right.

Nell thinks about Michael. Then she thinks about Sonny. She texts Michael.

Michael tells Carly that Sonny wants her there for Christmas, but she shouldn’t get Sonny’s hopes up. Nell texts him that she wasn’t feeling well. He tells Carly that whatever she decides, he’s there for her and he loves them both.

Sonny asks Jason if he wants him to make Carly’s holidays worse by telling her about Nell. Jason says Carly will understand. Sonny says it’s not like Jason never kept a secret; he pretended to be Michael’s father for a year. Jason says that was to protect them. Sonny says keep the secret and he saves a family. If he tells Carly, he risks breaking them up for good.

Michael knocks at Nell’s door as she listens to her music box. He brought chicken noodle soup, ginger ale and her coat. She apologizes for leaving so abruptly. She says she had been dealing with a guest that was sick, then she felt sick, and she didn’t want to get him sick. He says she doesn’t feel warm, and she says she took something. He says if they’re ever out and she feels awkward or bored, to tell him the truth.

Sonny tells Jason that he’s not having an affair. Morgan died and he made a mistake; that’s not going to happen again. He asks if Jason is going to play God and tell her. Carly comes in. She says she brought a Christmas tree, and Jason can help unload it. She says they have kids and it’s important that they have a good Christmas. She asks what she walked in on.

Elizabeth wants to come in, but Franco says no; she’d see her present. He’s working on something that he feels strongly about, and Elizabeth thinks he’s making her something. He says nothing in the store would adequately express what she means to him. He came up with the perfect idea, but it’s only in the beginning stages.

Tracy says she’ll look after Hayden. She tells Finn, physician heal thyself, and while he’s at it, heal Hayden. Finn tells Hayden he has to go away for a bit. She asks him not to leave her alone, but he says there’s work to be done. She tells him she has someone else now, and calls him daddy. She says he’s never thought anyone was good enough, but she’s the one not good enough. She starts to describe Finn and says he’d like him. Finn plays along. She says when she’s being difficult, he gives it back to her, and they’re good for each other. She says Finn means end in French, and he’s her end. She doesn’t need to waste time looking for anyone else. She loves him.

Finn says he’s right there, and Hayden asks what happened. He says he has her stabilized and she says she’s never getting better just worse. Tracy suggests she’ll get better if Finn gets to work. Hayden tells him when he finds it to come back, and he says he’ll be bringing skates.

Sonny tells Carly that he and Jason were talking about Morgan. She asks Jason if he knows who did it, and Jason says not yet, but he’s making progress. He says he knows the holidays will be tough, the first Christmas without Morgan, and wants her to know he’s on it. He says he cares very much about all of them and wants them to be okay. Carly says no promises, but they’re working on it.

Nell apologizes to Michael, and says she should have just told him the truth. Michael says it’s on him. She made it clear she wanted to keep things professional, and he twisted her arm to come. She says it’s not like she left because she was having a bad time; she was having a great time. She’s the one who should have held back to not blur the lines He says he needed a friend, and thought she needed one too.

Franco tells Elizabeth that it’s not like anything he’s ever done before, but if it doesn’t work out, he’ll get her a slinket, a blanket with sleeves. She says she’d rather have what he’s making, but she wanted to talk about Tom. She says she doesn’t want him making it worse when things are good right now. She says she doesn’t need him to vanquish Tom. He asks what that means, and she tells him that she doesn’t need him to be a hero; he already is to her.

Nell tells Michael she could use a friend. When Carly offered her the job, she thought it was exciting to start over, but didn’t realize how lonely it would be. Everything is unfamiliar and overwhelming.She wonders if she made the right decision, and thinks maybe her life in Atlanta meant more to her than she thought. He asks why she ran, and she says his mom is her boss and the job is the only thing she has. Michael says he’ll leave her alone. She says the truth is, she’d hate it if he never bothered her again. They both need a friend, and if things get complicated, so what? Life is full of complications.

The tree is set up. Sonny says no matter how many people are in the house… Someone will be missing, Carly finishes. She says they should all be together and miss him here. She says it’s supposed to be about joy, but if they’re together they can be sad together as Morgan’s family. She tells Jason he’s included too, and he thanks her. She asks him what’s on his mind.

Elizabeth tells Franco that maybe he’s not a traditional hero, but to her he is one. He says maybe they read different comic books, and that heros should do everything they can to keep everyone safe. She says Tom hasn’t done anything. Fracno adds, yet. She says if she could wave a magic wand and never see him again, she would, but neither one of them have that power. They can only move forward together. He says he wants that, and she’s like, just do it.

Hayden thinks Tracy is her mother. Tracy says she isn’t, and Hayden says that her father wasn’t her father, and now she doesn’t want to be her mother. She asks if she reminds her of the affair, a reminder of her life’s greatest failure. Tracy says that’s not true. She’s not her biggest failure, the only failure is her. She failed her daughter.

Finn yells at his notes, asking them why they keep failing (word of the day). He apologizes to Roxie for scaring her. He says if it doesn’t happen soon, Hayden will die. He’s thisclose and wonders what he’s missing. He gives Roxie some treats. He talks about her losing scales to make way for shiny new ones and has an epiphany. He talks about getting rid of what’s unusable to make way for what is.

Tracy tells Hayden that she wasn’t a good mother; she was harsh and judgmental and cold, but not because she didn’t care – she was inept. Even though she was raised by the sweetest woman, she put business and profit first. We realize she’s talking about herself now. Hayden says things can always change. Tracy says she doesn’t have to live the way she did yesterday, and she loves Hayden. Hayden says she loves her too. She says she found someone to love, but it’s too late to do anything about it.

Finn picks up Roxie and a syringe, and says maybe she’ll be saving Hayden’s life.

Elizabeth asks Franco to spend the holiday with her and the boys. He says he’d do anything for her. She tells him not to overboard with the kids. She has to get back to work, and asks him to meet her for coffee later. He says his project is at a critical phase, and he wants to keep going. They say good-by.

Tom fiddles with the lock on the crate, but stops when Franco comes back in. Franco says he wants them to get along in their time together, and doesn’t want to use the shocker. Tom says he doesn’t want to die, but Franco says he’s not that guy. Elizabeth has changed him. He’s not going to kill Tom, just end his life as he knows it.

Jason says it’s great to see two of his best friends getting along, and hopes it’s a sign of things to come. Carly does too. She says she’ll be in touch about Christmas, and leaves. Sonny asks Jason if he’s going to say anything.

Nell tells Michael that she really did have a good time. Michael says tell him if things get awkward, and she says she’ will. He leaves, and she goes back to her music box. She takes out a baby rattle.

Jason tells Sonny that it’s important that Carly heal, and she might not be able to if the truth comes out. But if she asks why he’s acting weird, he’ll make up a story. He asks that Sonny do right by his family, and Carly.

Tomorrow, Sam tells Maxie a secret, Ava wants to help Julian, and Alexis says she can’t do this.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I love how these girls always say some tragedy changed their outlook on everything, but it never happens. They’re still the same pot stirrers they were before.

Kyle picks up LisaR in her Lamborghini. Lisa says if her husband brought one home, she’d think aliens had taken over his body. Kyle talks about going to get burgers after Erika’s birthday party because they were starving. Lisa tells Kyle that her name got changed to Doritos on the phone when she tried to call. Then it changed to Cheerios. Autocorrect – always good for a laugh.

LisaV is doing some riding. In her interview, she says Ken bought her a horse when she was in her 20s and she’s loved them ever since. She talks about going to a show that’s like Cirque du Soliel for horses, and she’s getting one that’s retiring. She points out that his “winkie” is out, and tells him to put that back. No surprise, he’s beautiful. Lisa says she prefers animals to people and I’m down with that. She tells Ken about talking to LisaR at the party, and that Dorit has only seen one side of these girls.

LisaR tells Kyle how she’s come to believe you have to accept people for what they are. In her interview, Kyle says LisaV should either forgive both Eileen and LisaR or neither of them. I dunno. Doesn’t some of that depend on them?

LisaV tells Ken that Dorit seemed to enjoy herself at Erika’s party. She thinks that because she and Dorit have so many friends in common for so many years, she won’t be listening to the trash talk.

Dorit is getting ready for her own party. Her husband is putting it together all on his own. She says he’s not too good at detail though, so she consults with his party planner. She says she’s crazy until she knows everything is done. She thinks PK might be buying her a car for her birthday. She says if it’s Tiffany blue, she won’t be able to fake a smile, because that color should only be on a box with something pretty inside. I could argue that a Maserati is exactly that.

PK presents Dorit with a rose gold Bentley. She tells him he can count on her for a yes to anything for life. She goes for a test drive.

Kyle and LisaR go to the gym. Her daughter Alexia joins them. Kyle wants to spend time with her before she goes back to school in Boston. They do a rowing class.

Eileen gets hair and makeup done at the studio. The Young and the Restless is celebrating their 11,000th episode, and the cast is doing interviews about their favorite moments on the show. We flash back to Eileen’s first scene. She brings up the storyline when her character got an abortion. She says if she could do her own story arc, Ashley would be an Erika Jayne, slaying it in gay clubs. I think she has a girl crush on Erika.

Erika auditions backup dancers. Her 10th video is coming up. We see clips of her various videos, my favorite being How Many F**ks Do I Give? She’s looking for two things – can you nail the steps and are you sexy? She approaches things in an in-your-face way, and expects the same from her dancers. After some dancing, her assistant tells the dancers they can leave so the team can talk about them. They go through the resumes and photos. We see a picture of Erika when she was practically a toddler putting shows on at home. The dancers are chosen. Wardrobe is discussed. Erika is concerned about doing the splits in a bikini.

One of LisaR’s daughters is making zucchini pasta. She says she’d rather have regular pasta and I concur, although if someone else made it, I’d eat it. Lisa says her mother was not a great cook. She was big on casseroles, frozen dinners, and Jello. The girls say they think the only thing she’s ever made for them is macaroni and cheese. (Probably the Kraft kind.) Daughter Delilah has been going to casting calls in NYC. In her interview, and her sister is showing a little sibling jealousy.

Dorit’s party is being set up. I can assure you that means more than putting bowls of chips and dip out. Dorit is having an anxiety problem where her nose runs, and I’ve never heard of such a thing.

The guests begin to arrive, taken to the front door in golf carts. LisaV thinks it seems sedate, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. She talks to some soccer player who I have no clue about. Dorit makes her entrance, and is also hoping there’s more to the party than just having drinks in the living room. Lisa compliments her on losing the baby weight. She talks to Dorit about Erika’s party. Dorit thinks all the women were cool, but in her interview, Lisa says she thought Eileen was pretty cold to her and I agree.

Kyle and Mauricio arrive. Everyone compliments each other on how good they look. LisaR tells Dorit they’re practically neighbors. LisaV keeps throwing shade at LisaR, but LisaR thinks it’s progress. At least they’re communicating. In her interview, LisaV says she likes it when LisaR isn’t calling her a manipulative bitch. She tells Kyle she gave them the power to cause her pain, but now she’s taking it back. In her interview, Kyle says she doesn’t think Lisa ever gave anything away she didn’t want to.

Eileen thinks it seems strange for what happened between her and LisaV to just disappear. She says she’s trying to figure out how to be okay. She’s sure LisaR is too, but their approaches are different. She and LisaV make small talk, and it’s extremely awkward. Lisa says she sorry about Eileen’s father passing away, and Eileen starts laughing because she though Lisa was going to apologize for causing her angst last season. Please. Let it go already. How many sorrys does she want?

Kyle asks if Boy George is coming by, but Dorit says he’s on tour. Kyle is disappointed since she wanted to borrow some eyeliner. Erika shows up in a T-shirt, and in her interview, Dorit says the invite said “stunning.” In her interview, Erika points out that her T-shirt dress came straight off the runway. Well, it might have, but it did look dowdy next to the gowns. She looked like she was going to a totally different party. She gives Dorit a Chanel cosmetic bag that she wanted for herself, but they only had one. Everybody mingles.

Eileen tells LisaV when she offered condolences, she thought she was apologizing again. Lisa asks if she’s mad, meaning out of her mind. In her interview, Eileen says she doesn’t want any misunderstandings. In her interview, Lisa says hell would freeze over before she apologized again. Kyle thinks Lisa can be a little rude.

Dorit’s parents introduce themselves around. PK makes an announcement. He says anyone who knows them, knows they don’t do low key or boring. He welcomes them to Dorit’s Buddha Lamp.

He opens the door to a sort of disco. It has a sushi bar and all kinds of lighting effects. Dorit wonders how on earth PK was able to create this in their backyard. Erika says he did well – smoke, lights, ice sculptures, she’s down. There’s a wall of red roses that says happy birthday. LisaV says she knew something big was going on. Dorit is thrilled and says she couldn’t have done it better. The two Lisas dance with Kyle. In her interview, LisaR says she’s never going to get an apology, so she’s done the forgiving and she can move on. She apologizes to LisaV for being hard her, and LisaV is pretty shocked. She says it gives her hope for the future.

Erika is having water because she has a stomach bug. Great. Thanks for telling us after we’ve kissed you, hugged you, and shook your hand. She’s like that person who says they’re sick just as the elevator door closes. Everyone mingles, eats, drinks, dances and has a wonderful time. PK talks about his wasted youth. In her interview, LisaV talks about being glad they have mutual friends there, because sometimes her British humor gets her in trouble.

Eileen is talking with Dorit, and LisaV joins them. Eileen suddenly wonders where her husband is, and Lisa jokes that he’s in the corner with a woman, which doesn’t exactly endear her to Eileen. PK asks everyone to come out to the dance floor. He brings over a throne and has Dorit sit in it. He tells everyone that she’s the reason for his strength. He gets all teary and praises her, and everyone laps it up. She runs up on stage and hugs him. In her interview she says he outdid himself and has a beautiful way of showing his love to her. I’m definitely impressed.

LisaR thinks this is as good as it’s going to get with LisaV, and hopes that it’s closure and they move on. Eileen tells them about LisaV’s joke. In her interview, Eileen says she can take a joke, but also has an idea of who Lisa is, and thinks her British humor is a little loaded. Dorit jokes that she guesses that she’s not having a cake this year. Although there’s probably a two-story, gold-leafed cake hiding behind the neighbor’s house.

Next time, Harrison goes jewelry shopping, LisaR’s daughters teach her about dating apps, and Eileen says good-by to the family home.

A note on Ladies of London. Marissa’s baby is back in the hospital, so she missed the field trip to Mapperton. This means she also missed Julie telling us all about how the sandwich came to be named, and also that the Sandwich Islands in Hawaii are a tribute to the Earl of sandwich. Caroline #1 continues to be a rude, self-absorbed a-hole, or as Juliet put it, she’s turned into Madonna. She acts like a five-year-old during their time at the estate, not only arriving there three hours late, but being over an hour late to dinner. Unfortunately, Caroline #2 is feeling the repercussions of what she let slip to the press about her father’s illness, and his wife (of which there have been many) is being really nasty to her. This is a shame, since she seems like a sensitive human being. Next time, Caroline #1 continues to spread her lack of good cheer. Hopefully, three ghosts will visit her on Christmas Eve. 🎄

October 23, 2016 – Once Upon Aladdin, Walking Dead Reveal & NJ’s Dolores’s Kitchen Gets Warmed

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

Once Upon a Time

In the capital of Agribah, the market is busy and Jafar pushes people around. He corrals three guys, telling them that the Sultan doesn’t tolerate thieves and neither does he. He zaps them and poof! they turn into rats in a cloud of red smoke. Maybe dusty rose is closer.

Jasmine comes to Aladdin’s rug shop. She’s there to hire him. He wonder if she shouldn’t be in a palace, but she’s unhappy there. She wants Aladdin to help her defeat Jafar. He’s not interested, but she tells him look in his pocket. He finds a royal scarab as payment. When he tries to give it back, she screams, “thief!” and he says he’ll help just to shut her up. She wants him to steal a weapon called the Diamond in the Rough.

Emma’s visions are still haunting her. She and Archie walk through the forest. They find the Oracle, but she keels over dead. So much for her part. A girl runs past them. Emma runs after her and the girl falls. It’s Shireen.

Emma and David talk to Shireen. Emma asks what her story is and says maybe they can help. Shireen explains that she’s really Princess Jasmine, but says she didn’t kill the Oracle and doesn’t know who did. The Oracle was helping her find Aladdin. She says he was special and the Savior.

The Evil Queen shows up at Archie’s office. She wants to talk about Emma. She says Hyde told her that the Oracle gave Emma visions of her future, and Archie realizes the Evil Queen is the one who killed the Oracle. She asks him to team up for old time’s sake. He tells her no way, and she turns herself into his clone. She says if he won’t help, she’ll ask Emma herself.

Zelena tends to her baby, and finds Archie  in her kitchen tied up. He wants her to untie him, but she says her sister must have her reasons. He tries using psychology to trick her into setting him free, but it doesn’t work.

The Evil Queen sees Emma, who sees her as Archie. “Archie” says they have more to explore, but Emma says the plans have changed. She says Aladdin is another Savior and she has to help find him. She drives off in her yellow VW bug.

In the old world, Jasmine takes Aladdin to the Cave of Wonders. She says he’ll learn everything he needs from there. He jokes around, but she tells him it’s serious. Rather than living a life of comfort, she wants to save the world. He says she can’t blame Jafar for everything though. It’s been bad for a while, and only when her own family was persecuted did she get involved. He tells her that she’s selfish. He juggles an apple and gives it to her, making her smile.

They approach the cave. The closed entrance stumps Aladdin she wonders how hard a little breaking and entering can be for a thief. He says “Open Sezme!.” Nothing happens. But then the door slowly opens. He says, after her.

The Storybrooke group gathers at Emma’s place. David says they’re not giving up on finding Aladdin, but it doesn’t look good. The Evil Queen as Archie enters. He says Emma has a secret, encouraging her to tell her family. Emma says she’s been having visions of what she thinks is her future. She says all of the Saviors died, but she thought if she found Aladdin alive, he could help her avoid her fate. As they argue, Archie leaves and turns back to the Evil Queen outside.

Emma says Regina isn’t there in the vision. Regina wonders if she’s dead or if she’s the hooded figure. She says they’ll find another way to track down Aladdin and tells them meet in her vault in an hour. Jasmine wonders if Aladdin is dead.

The Cave of Wonders definitely is. Lots of gold and treasure and a booby trapped rough diamond. Aladdin sees a gold monkey and uses it as a weight so he can take the diamond. It turns to dust in his hands and the cave starts to shake. He covers Jasmine. When it’s over, she says he’s magic. He asks if she knew that would happen, and she says she suspected. The actual gem wasn’t the Diamond in the Rough; he is. He can challenge Jafar and defeat him and be the Savior of Agribah.

In today’s Storybrooke, Jasmine is sitting in Henry’s room and he tells her that she can play his X-Box or whatever helps. She feels like she’s intruding, but he says he knows it’s hard on her. She says the worst part is knowing that being a Savior is a death sentence, and back in Agribah, she’s the one who encouraged Aladdin. Henry says he did the same thing with his mother, but maybe Hyde is wrong. Jasmine hopes so, for both their sakes.

Snow says Emma should have been honest. Emma says she didn’t lie, she was just scared. David gets a message from Leroy. He had an appointment with Archie, but Archie never showed.

The Evil Queen pops into Zelena’s place and says thanks for watching Archie. She tells Zelena to come with her and let Archie babysit. She says Zelena’s little sister is going to make everything better.

Zelena and the Evil Queen go to the spa and gossip. The Evil Queen asks if this isn’t what Zelena always wanted, a family that supports her? She says the rest want Zelena to squelch her gifts. She says she lied to Henry for years, but she never gave him a chance to accept the real her. She tells Zelena that she’s strong, powerful, and wicked, and that her daughter might turn out as wonderfully wicked as she is.

Regina concocts a potion. It’s a locator spell. She says there’s one thing Aladdin didn’t steal – his magic. If he’s alive, it’s still with him. She tells Emma to drink it and they’ll go find him.

Back in the day, Aladdin asks why Jasmine didn’t tell him, but she says he wouldn’t have believed her. She says that the scarab was a gift to her family for freeing the kingdom from darkness. Now it’s his. Even if he doesn’t believe in himself, she believes in him. She leaves Aladdin in the cave.

Jafar appears, asking how it feels to be a Savior. He asks if Aladdin wants to see what happens, and produces an Oracle bird that looks an awful lot like a cardinal. The bird’s eyes glow and Aladdin sees death. Jafar says that death is the fate of all Saviors, but there’s a way to alter his destiny. He shows Aladdin a pair of gold shears that can sever the ties. He’ll live a long, prosperous, happy life, paid for by the treasures in the cave, and no longer be Savior. Jafar asks if prince doesn’t sound more appealing than dead Savior.

In Agribah, Jasmine finds her father. She wants to get him somewhere safe; a great battle is coming. She says Jafar has torn the kingdom apart, but she’s found a Savior to defeat him. Jafar appears and says that sounds like treason. She tells Jafar a Savior is coming. He says her Savior had a heart for gold rather than a heart of gold, and the only thing between Aladdin and the throne is her. Jafar puts Jasmine inside of a huge hourglass. The sand begins to pile up around her.

Aladdin swoops in on a flying carpet and tells Jafar not to be so sure. He breaks the glass, releasing Jasmine, who is about to be covered in sand. Jafar says Aladdin has never had to pay a price for anything, but someday he will, and he’ll know this was no victory.

Jasmine thought Aladdin abandoned them, but he says she changed his mind. The king wonders who Aladdin is. Aladdin says he’s returning something she lost and gives her the scarab. She wants him to keep it as a remembrance that a friend believes in him.

The Storybrooke gang walks through the forest. Emma feels a quake and steers Henry in another direction. They go underground, and Regina says they’re under the cemetery in a forgotten crypt. Jasmine says Emma must have made a mistake. She looks around in the dark with a flashlight and sees the scarab. She says Emma is right: he’s there. Regina asks if she’s sure it’s Aladdin, and she says yes. I’m not. Henry asks what this means, but Emma doesn’t know. She needs to be alone.

Emma has her vision. Henry interrupts. He says he’s sorry and it’s all his fault. He says if he’d never knocked on her door and dragged her to Storybrooke in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. He forced her to be Savior. Emma says now she has actual magic in her life – him – and she has a family now. She tells him not to worry about the end of the story, just enjoy the middle of the journey together. They hug. Aladdin appears. He tells Emma from one Savior to another, it’s no fun.

In Agribah, Aladdin and Jasmine walk through the market. Her father wants Aladdin to have his pick of the royal treasures, but he says he doesn’t want that. Jasmine asks what he does want. He says just to be Savior. He asks Jasmine to go away with him; he wants to show her the world. She says she can’t; there’s much work to be done in the kingdom. She says it’s not good-by. He’ll defeat Jafar and he knows where to find her.

Aladdin finds the shears in his bag along with a note from Jafar – for a rainy day, or coming storm, or when the Savior’s burden becomes too much.

Aladdin tells Emma that he used them and ran to the Enchanted Forest to hide. Emma realizes he planted the scarab at the crypt. He never intended to reveal himself, but after hearing Emma and Henry, he couldn’t do it. Henry says he has to go to Jasmine. Aladdin says he doesn’t want to see the look in her eyes when she realizes he’s just a common thief. Emma doesn’t think that will happen.

Jasmine sits on a park bench and looks at the scarab. Aladdin approaches. They embrace. She thought he was dead and he thought he’d never see her again. He asks now what. She says now he needs to help her. Agribah is in terrible danger and needs the Savior. He’s like, um….

The Evil Queen and Zelena get back. Archie asks if they’re going to torture and kill him. Zelena tells him not to be ridiculous; she has to show her daughter who her mommy is. She turns Archie into a cricket and puts him in a cage above the baby’s crib. OMG – he’s so cute!

The group gathers. Emma says she doesn’t want to use the shears. Aladdin didn’t trust the people he loved, and that’s why he failed. If her magic comes with a price, they’ll pay it. David says they can protect her and the town. Hook says he’s with her, and she apologizes for not trusting him. She says no more secrets and gives him the shears so they don’t fall into the wrong hands. Emma tells Hook to get rid of them.

Emma watches as Hook goes out in a rowboat. He comes back and says they’re ten thousand leagues under the sea. She thanks him. He promises that she’ll have her heart’s desire. She leaves him on the dock. We see he still has the shears. Bad Hook.

Next time, Hook travels 20,000 leagues under the sea.

The Walking Dead

All right, let’s get it over with. I don’t even care anymore. Unless it’s Daryl.

Rick says he’s going to kill Negan. Good luck with that. Negan asks him to speak up. Rick says not today or tomorrow, but he’s going to kill him. Negan asks right hand man Simon what he has, and Simon says a hatchet. He plays with Rick a little and asks for the ax.

Negan shows Rick the ax. He puts it in his belt. He drags Rick off. He says maybe Rick will be back and they can turn the people inside out who are left. We see a bloody pulp. So who died? Are they going to stretch this out even more? I’m annoyed already and it’s only four minutes into the show.

Negan kicks Rick’s ass around the RV and then suggests they go for a ride. The trailer won’t start and he calls it a piece of sh*t. He laughs about Rick saying he’s going to kill him, and asks if Rick saw what he just did. I didn’t. He says Rick’s best bet is to get him in the back of the head with the ax, but when Rick picks it up, Negan is faster. He tells Rick to drop it and pounds him when he does. He tells Rick not to make him get up again, like he’s dad on a Sunday car ride. He says that dawn is braking and it’s a brand new day. He wants Rick to think about what happened, and what could still happen. He starts to drive.

Negan drives into a zombie who splatters all over the windshield. We see flashes of Rosita, Sasha and Glenn. Negan stops the van. He says Rick is his, and the people back there are his, and Lucille is his. Okay. I get it. Everything is his. He opens the door and throws out the ax, telling Rick to go get it. He threatens Rick with Lucille and says get his ax. Negan finally tosses Rick out the door. The zombies surround Rick, but he fights them off.

We see a flash of Abe. Rick fights off more zombies. We see an Aaron flash back and more zombies. Abe again, and more zombies. Maggie, and more zombies. Rick climbs to the top of the van and a zombie pulls at him. A flash of Daryl. Rick gets to the roof. He stands up and looks out. There are lots of small fires everywhere and tons of zombies wandering around. A Michonne flash back. Rick sees a zombie hanging from a bridge and falls to his knees. A Carl flash back. Negan says they thought they were all going to grow old together and have Sunday dinner, but now it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

Rick flashes back to when Negan first appeared. Negan does that eenie, meenie, minie, mo thing. We move on to the my mother told me part, and I’m thinking this is taking forever. Rick sweats and shakes. It’s Abe. After the first wallop, Abe tells Negan to suck his nuts. Alrighty then.

Negan keeps pounding on Abe long after he’s dead. What’s the point? Especially since it just looked like he was hitting the ground. (Wattup wit dat, editing department?) Negan flings Lucille around, getting blood everywhere. He shoves the bat in Rosita’s face and asks if they were together. He says it sucks, but there was a reason. He took it for the team, so take a look. Daryl jumps up and punches him and a bunch of guys take Daryl down. Negan laughs. He says that’s a no-no and won’t fly here. A guy asks if Negan wants Daryl dead, and points his crossbow at him. Negan says no, he doesn’t die until they’ve tried everything. Guess he wants to keep Daryl around because he’s feisty.

Negan says this isn’t how it works. (That’s not how any of this works!) The first one is free. He doesn’t know what kind of lying a-holes they’ve been dealing with, but he’s a man of his word and first impressions are important. He needs them to know him. (Get to know me!) He whacks Glenn with Lucille. I guess the first one wasn’t free? Glenn tells Maggie he’ll find her. Negan asks if Glenn is trying to speak and we see Glenn’s eyeball practically hanging out. Negan says he’s truly sorry, but he did say no exceptions and beats Glenn some more. The focus is on how distraught Maggie is, but we hear the bat keep hitting. Lots of blood flies, and Negan says he’s just getting started. He says Lucille is a vampire bat. Rick looks spacey, and Negan asks if the joke was that bad. It was pretty stupid.

Back in the present, Negan tells Rick that the rest of them don’t have to die, and get him his ax. Because he’s really Joan Crawford. He says it’s Rick’s last chance and starts shooting through the RV roof. Rick jumps onto the hanging zombie. The others grab at his feet. Hanging zombie’s neck stretches until Rick reaches the ground. Negan shoots at the zombies and tells Rick the clock is ticking. Rick climbs over the zombie pile and finds the ax. He ends up next to a head that’s trying to bite.

As Rick kills each zombie, he sees each character getting hit by Lucille. Did this happen or is that just his motivation? Negan shoots the zombies remaining around Rick, and Rick gets back in the RV. Negan holds out his hand and Rick gives him the ax. Road trip!

Rick is understandably tired and starts to nod out. The RV stops. Negan says, “We’re here, prick,” and I laugh. Is he going to call him that now? Negan says it must be hard, since Rick has been King Sh*t for so long. Losing two of his own in front of his boy is screwed up. He wipes the ax blade on Rick’s jacket, saying tht Rick was probably addicted to being in charge, but now that’s over. He says Rick can still lead a nice productive life, producing for Negan. He gives Rick the ax and says he thinks Rick is going to need it.

When they get back, Rick tumbles out of the RV. Negan asks Rick if he knows what that trip was about. Um…power trip? He wanted Rick to look at him differently, and he wants Rick to understand. He says that Rick is still looking at him like he sh*t in his scrambled eggs, and it’s not going to work. He asks if he should give Rick another chance and Rick says yes. Negan says what he does next determines if his crap day becomes everyone else’s crap day or just another crap day. He tells his men to put guns at the back of everyone’s heads.

Negan tells Carl to come to him. I can’t imagine they’d take Carl away from the teens and tweens and 16 Magazine. He asks if Carl is a lefty. He isn’t and Negan ties Carl’s right arm with a belt like he would for a shot. He tells him to get down next to Rick. He asks Simon for a pen and draws a line on Carl’s forearm. Rick asks what he’s doing, and Negan says he ain’t doin’ sh*t, which is apparently his favorite word. He wants Rick to cut Carl’s arm off at the line. Michonne says he doesn’t have to do this; they understand. Negan says she might, but he’s not sure that Rick does. He gives Rick instructions, saying they have a great doctor and Carl will be fine. Probably. It needs to happen now or he’ll kill Carl. Rick says do it to him instead, but Negan says it’s the only way. Joan Negan tells him to pick up the ax. He says not making a decision is making a big decision, and Rick will see everyone die. He asks if Rick is going to make him count. Rick gets embarrassingly weepy and Negan slaps him, telling him this is it. Carl tells him just do it. He raises the ax and Negan stops him, saying Rick answers to him and provides to him and belongs to him, right? Rick says right, and Negan says that’s the look he wanted to see. Ooh, it’s like an Abraham sacrificing his son thing. Except Negan is a lot meaner than God.

Negan says all of us together did it, and even the dead guys get the spirit award today. He says it was a productive day, and he hopes for all their sakes that they get it now and understand how things work. Things have changed. Whatever they had going for them is over now. He tells Dwight to load Daryl up and they toss him in the van. Negan says he has guts; he’s not a little bitch like some people. He asks if Rick still wants to try something. If he does, he’ll cut pieces off of Daryl and put him on Rick’s doorstep or better yet he’ll have Rick do it.

Negan tells them, welcome to a brand new beginning. He leaves the truck so they can get stuff for him. He’ll be back in a week.

Negan and his men leave. Rick’s group sits staring into space, some crying, some just stunned. I guess they don’t have to worry about Glenn and Abe turning into walkers, since their heads were smashed to pulps. They sit quietly. Maggie gets up. Rick tells her to sit, but she says no. He says they need to get her to Hilltop, and she says they need to fight them. Rick says they have Daryl and they have an army; they would die, all of them. Maggie tells him to go home and take everyone. They need to go to Alexandria. She says they were out there for her and Rick says they still are.

Maggie says she needs them to go back. She can’t have them out there. Michonne says they’re not letting her go; it’s not going to help. Sasha says she’ll take her. She’ll get her there and keep her safe. Maggie is not looking too good. Maggie says she needs to do this, but Aaron says they need to help her. Rick begs her to let them help. He says Glenn was their family too. Maggie breaks down crying. She hugs Carl. They lift the bodies – or what’s left of them. There’s a crane shot of Maggie between the two blood spots.

We see everyone around a table with Glenn holding a little boy.

Rick picks up the ax. He goes in the RV, closes the door, and starts it up. He stares at a single zombie. It screeches at them as they drive away. He sees it fall to its knees. Rick’s eyes are fearful.

Next time, Negan takes over.

Seriously annoying and distracting were the several commercials featuring zombies that made me think the show was back on.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Melissa and Joe #2 go to Teresa’s house with Chinese food. Milania complains about Teresa being boring and daddy being more fun. Joe asks if Teresa has talked to Joe #1 yet, but she hasn’t. Milania says she’s going to have grey hair by the time her father gets back.

Milania rides the ATV and Joe #2 stops her from riding so fast. He tells her she doesn’t want her dad to come home to her in the hospital. Melissa asks Teresa if she’s going to Dolores’s kitchen warming party. Teresa isn’t thrilled that Jacqueline will be there, but wants to be supportive. They talk about the transition Teresa is going through with Joe #1 going into the clink.

Siggy and Dolores talk to a party planner about Dolores’s party. Really? Siggy is proud of Dolores for getting her gym going and not having ex-husband Frank pay for everything. They talk about Teresa and Melissa being with Jacqueline in the same room, and hope that no one clashes.

Melissa talks to Derek about the fashion show. Her partner isn’t going to be there, so it’s just her and two employees. She demonstrates a runway walk.

Jacqueline is hoarse. Probably from yelling at people. We can only hope she gets full blown laryngitis. She and Chris talk about who’s going to be at the party. Jacqueline says she’s not ready to talk to Teresa and Melissa, and Chris says he’s staying out of it. Wise move.

It’s party time! Siggy and kids arrive first. Dolores says renovating the house has helped her move forward with her life. Siggy asks if Dolores is nervous about Teresa and Jacqueline being together, but she says no, and expects them to act like big girls. Has she seen this show before? She expects a lot. Dolores’s mom shows up. Everyone is very impressed. It’s definitely a beautiful kitchen. Even more impressive is that Dolores’s grandmother is 102 years old. Siggy asks for her secret, but she says if she told, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. Dolores explains the Jacqueline/Teresa fight to her. I’m sure it’s just what she wants to hear about, especially being on borrowed time.

On the way over, Joe #2 asks what Melissa is going to say to Jacqueline. She says she has nothing to say and didn’t deserve to be screamed at. Joe says she deserves an apology. She calls Teresa, but Teresa says she’s not going to make it. The girls are missing Joe #1 and he’s going to call tonight, so she wants to be there.

Creepy Kim D arrives. Siggy makes a point of introducing son Josh, saying he came out of her “cookie.” Why? Why would you say something like that? Dolores brings a statue of the Virgin Mary into the room, hoping that the Blessed Mother will watch after everyone. I laugh because it reminds me of my aunt and her statue of St. Anthony. He’s the patron saint of lost things, and if she prayed to him and still couldn’t find something, she’d turn his face to the wall. When Melissa gets there, she says she sees the trouble makers are there already and heads for the kitchen. The most sickening thing is that Jacqueline is wearing a shirt that says Nama’ Stay Away From Me, obviously geared to bug Teresa. There is something wrong with this woman.

Melissa tells Dolores that Teresa won’t be coming. Dolores understands and is going to send her a text. The Wakhili gang comes in. In his interview, Joe #2 says their issues are minor and he’s going to be nice. He goes over to say hello and none of them are that friendly, but Jacqueline is totally icy. Rich makes rude remarks about having a foursome with Rosie.

Dolores is a little annoyed about Jacqueline’s shirt. I’d make her go home and change. Since she can’t start trouble with Teresa not there, Jacqueline wants to leave. Chris approaches Joe #2 and says Jacqueline feels like she wasn’t given the opportunity to give her side of the story about Vermont. Chris thinks Joe should have called him. Joe says he respects that Chris sticks up for his wife, and he does the same, but when they’re wrong you should say so. He says Jacqueline went buck wild on Melissa. Chris says she defended herself, and Joe wonders if hey were at the same party. I think Chris should take a look at the shirt his wife is wearing and justify that. And why is this dude even involving the two of them?

Chris says Jacqueline deserves more love than she got. All she got was a smack in the face. Joe #2 points out how cold Jacqueline was when he said hello. He says frankly he thinks they were both wrong. He mentions the fashion show, but Chris is like, you didn’t come to our popcorn event and Jacqueline is still feeling sensitive. He adds they should get together soon, just to confuse things more. Sensitive Jacqueline starts beeping the car horn.

Dolores makes a toast thanking everyone for coming.

Siggy takes her mom for a hair makeover. She feels badly about her mom saying they don’t spend enough time together. Afterwards, they’re going to lunch. She wants to see her mother enjoy her life more. She tells her mother that they’re coming every week from now on. She wants her to know how valuable she is.

Milania helps Teresa with Joe #1‘s chores. She keeps comparing how Teresa does things to how Joe does them. Teresa asks what she misses and if there’s anything she can do to make it better. Milania says no one can replace him and Teresa is embarrassing.

Siggy takes her mother to lunch. She says she doesn’t like the fact that her mother doesn’t take enough time for herself. She says sometimes she feels sad being with her. Her mom says that she appreciates the time she has, especially since she missed them so much when she lived in Israel.

Dolores is having a ladies’ night at the gym. Teresa is teaching a yoga class, and Siggy is coming to talk about her book, Write Your Own Fairy Tale.

Jacqueline is feeling worse. Chris thinks she should see a doctor. Chris tells her about the conversation with Joe. She writes on a pad that no freaking way is she going to the fashion show.

Dolores leaves a message for Jacqueline. She says she’s not expecting her to come to ladies’ night, but she’s helped in the past, and Dolores wants her to know she’s appreciated. Robyn shows up, which surprises Dolores a little. She tells Robyn that she has no problem with her, except for her not getting along with Jacqueline. Robyn says she has no reason not to get along with Dolores. Teresa says too bad; she wants nothing to do with Jacqueline anymore.

Melissa is anxious about the fashion show. She says there’s so much going on and she can’t figure out how it will all come together. Joe calls her into the bathroom to help with shaving his back. She tries to convince him that she’s in the middle of something right now.

Teresa’s class begins. She explains she’s getting her certification and teaches several poses. In her interview, Teresa says she love the way yoga makes her feel, and that it’s good for both your body and mind. Afterward, the girls all have a health food version of a martini, some kind of smoothie concoction.

Siggy discusses having the life of your dreams. Dolores thanks everyone for comeing she says as women they all have something to share and have to stick together. In her interview, she says she feels like she’s back.

Teresa makes breakfast. Milania says if her egg sandwich isn’t like dad’s, she’s throwing it out. Teresa tries to talk to her, but she doesn’t want to discuss her father. Gabriela doesn’t understand why they have to talk about it and says it’s fine. In her interview, Teresa says they’re trying to find the new normal.

Melissa gets ready for the fashion show. She wants to prove to Joe that she’s not just bringing in crumbs. It’s time for a run through and Melissa is still adding last minute outfits. Joe #2 has to get the kids ready, and wonders what the blip happened to his life. A question I often ask myself.

On the way to the fashions show, Dolores and Siggy discuss who’s coming or not. Dolores says Jacqueline is accusing her of saying she was a no-show at the gym event and whined because her name wasn’t on the flyer. It escalated into an argument that Dolores ended with an F-U. Dolores says she’s heard nothing except Jacqueline badmouthing her. She says Jacqueline has alienated herself and she’s not gong to be a whipping post. Siggy thinks Jacqueline is paranoid and insecure. Who is the common denominator in all of these arguments, people?

Next time, the finale – Melissa’s fashion show happens, Teresa might need to sell the house, Jacqueline alienates herself further, and Siggy invites Jacqueline over. It doesn’t look like it ends well.

October 10, 2016 – A Fiery Crash on GH & an Overly Heated Argument on the OC

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Morgan and Jason pull over. Jason sounds like somebody’s dad, asking if Morgan can get out of the car or does he have to come over there. Morgan gets out and KABOOM! Jason dashes into the flames.

Molly asks TJ if he got in a fight. He tells her it was Morgan.

Dillon looks at the pictures of the Nurses Ball and flashes back to kissing Kiki two minutes ago.

Kiki calls Morgan. She asks him to call and tell her where he is. She has to talk to him about something important.

Sonny tells Carly that for the first time in a long time, he thinks everything is going to be okay. Carly says she’s not used to him being an optimist and he asks if he’s that much of a downer. Frankly, yes. She says there will be challenging times ahead with Morgan, because we call everything that’s a real pita “challenging” now. He says he knows that’s not all she’s worried about, and Carly says she doesn’t want him seeking his own kind of justice. He says it’s all going to work out.

Julian reams out his crony, Pete, and asks if he saw who stole the car. Julian says the alarm would have gone off. Unless Pete left the keys in the car. D’oh! He tells Julian how he just stepped away to have a smoke. Speaking of which, where did he step away to? China?

Tracy meets with Hayden and Finn. Since Finn is still alive, she figures it’s not all bad news. He tells her that they overheard something about the hospital. Tracy says they hope to open in another month, but Finn says the hospital seems to be for sale.

TJ tells Molly what happened with Morgan. She thinks they should call the police, but TJ says Jason is handling it and Morgan will listen to him before he’ll listen to the cops. They go inside and see Julian. TJ suggests they leave, but Molly says she’s not being chased out by an abusive freak. Dante enters and Julian says it’s about time he showed up. Julian tells him that his car was stolen not 10 feet away from the place.

Sonny gets all esoteric. He says fate finds you unexpectedly sometimes. Carly asks if he’s saying he’s not going after Julian. He says he went to church and ran into Griff. Sonny gave as good as he got, but realized he had to find peace in his heart, in the world, and with Carly. Carly says she can hear what he’s not saying, and tells him not to say anything else. She’s grateful because she knows how hard it was for him, but he’s made her happy.

Jason grabs his phone and calls 911, telling them about the accident. He says he thinks the driver is trapped inside the flaming car.

Carly tells Sonny he’s right and he says he’s always right. Ha-ha! She says everything is going to be okay, with them and their family. He says he knows it because he has faith. They kiss and start to leave the bar. Nell sees them and says she has good news. She got four tickets for Shawn Mendes for Josslyn, and they’re VIP seating.

Tracy says she’d know if the hospital was for sale. Finn says the information came from a guy on the board named Fred Gray. Hayden tells Tracy how they heard him and Lucy discussing it. They tell her about the intention to move the hospital to another building and use the present property for condos. Tracy says her family has poured their heart and soul into the hospital. Finn says the guy was looking at it for an associate, but didn’t say who. I’m thinking Valentin, who has to step back into the picture eventually.

Dante asks Julian if he had an anti-theft device and Pete admits to leaving the keys in the car. Julian says start with Sonny, who’s been harassing him. Dante says he’ll keep it in mind, but he’ll start with asking if anyone at the bar saw anything. He approaches Molly and TJ. TJ says he thinks he knows who took the car – Morgan.

Dillon rehashes his and Kiki’s conversation in his mind, and thinks about how she said she never got over him. He says they’re finally getting their chance.

Kiki sees Carly and says she can’t find Morgan. Carly says she assumed Morgan was with her, but Kiki says she hasn’t seen him since the morning, but she knows he was upset about being expelled. Sonny tells Kiki how much Morgan appreciates her being in his corner, and that he and Carly appreciate her too. No surprise, Kiki looks sick, and Carly asks her if everything is okay

An emergency team comes, and Jason says he can’t get to the driver because the car is half in the water. Morgan is either in the car or in the river.

Tracy shows up at Crimson, figuring she’d find Dillon there trying to forget his father. He says it’s semi-working, but he’s fine. In the middle of the nightmare, something happened that he’s wanted to happen for a long time. He tells her that Kiki makes him happy and they’ve decided to be together.

Kiki tells Carly that she and Morgan had a misunderstanding and she wanted to talk it out. Sonny is concerned about him not calling either one of them, but they agree that Morgan always forgets to charge his phone.

Nell tells Kiki she saw Morgan at The Floating Rib and he was in bad shape.

Julian tells Pete that Molly is probably giving Dante an earful about how the thief should get a medal. He still believes Sonny is behind it. Pete says maybe they’re lucky that he just took the car and not Julian’s life.

Firefighters pull Jason away from the accident.

Dante calls in the information that TJ and Molly gave him. Molly says Morgan was drunk and she’s really worried. Dante says alcohol isn’t the best mix with Morgan’s medication. Molly frets and Dante’s phone rings. It’s Jason. Jason gives him the location of the accident and tells him to get there quickly – it’s about Morgan.

Hayden asks what Finn is going to do if he can’t go back to work. Finn says now that he has the equipment he needs, he can finish his research. He tells her that he’s made a breakthrough. She asks how much of one, and he says he likes his chances. She says they should celebrate, but he tells her to slow down. She tells him to admit he’s feeling happy.

Nell says Morgan seemed like he was in a bad mood. Kiki insists on her being more specific. Nell flashes back on their conversation. She tells Kiki that Morgan seemed to think that the two of them were breaking up. Kiki asks if Morgan mentioned Dillon. Nell says she’s not sure. Kiki tells Nell that Morgan overheard her leaving a message for Dillon and lost it, even though she told him it was nothing to worry about. Nell says she can listen if Kiki wants to talk, but Kiki says she needs to talk to Morgan. It will just make things worse if she talks to someone else first. When she leaves, Nell says it’s a lot harder on Morgan and calls Kiki a princess. I guess they haven’t decided quite what to do with Nell, since she was all up in Michael’s business like yesterday.

Sonny and Carly kick back with some wine. He apologizes for making her worry about what he was going to do regarding Julian. She says she was just scared. She kept thinking about their wedding day, and he asks which one. Sonny is a real comedian today. Carly says she’d been waiting for him, and Jason came in, telling her Sonny had been shot. Sonny says all he could think about was seeing her face one last time. He let his hatred blind him to what was important – his family and his beautiful wife. While they’re talking, this music is on in the background that sounds like 60s easy listening – like The Girl from Ipanema.

Dante gets to the accident scene. He asks where Morgan and the car are. Jason says he was here. and then he wasn’t, which sounds like a line from a Dr. Seuss book.

Sonny asks Carly what her favorite part of being married to him is. She asks what he thinks. He suggests his dimples or eyes, and she says that’s partly it. They get busy and it becomes a song part. I run out for a smoke and someone steals my car. Just kidding.

Julian consults his GPS, but there’s no signal from the car. Pete suggests the guy was a pro and disabled it, and Julian says he must have been a pro, since he stole a car with keys in it. Julian says he’ll have to deal with it himself, since the PCPD is no help. He fires Pete. Just when I’ve learned his name. Cronies – easy come, easy go. Kiki runs up and asks if Julian has seen Morgan. He tells her that he’d seen her over-medicated boyfriend drinking in the bar earlier, and to do herself a favor and dump him

Dillon tells Tracy that because Kiki has Ava for a mother, she gets what he’s going through. Tracy asks if Kiki isn’t taken, but he says she’s breaking up with Morgan. Tracy thinks it’s asking for trouble. Dillon says he hopes Tracy will appreciate Kiki as much as he does one day. She says if Kiki makes him happy, she’ll welcome her with open arms. She says clearly she’s not a good judge of character, and because of Paul the hospital might close permanently.

Hayden says she sees Tracy successfully getting GH back, and Finn being successful with his work and getting his life back. Finn says he can’t look that far ahead. His phone reminder sounds for his shot, and she asks what he’s going to do when his illness doesn’t give him an excuse to be distant. He says he’ll be right back and asks her to wait there.

Nell brings a glass of champagne to Hayden. There’s a card along with it from an Even Lloyd.

Carly tells Sonny she’s the happiest woman on the planet and she loves him. Her phone rings and he tells her to leave it, but she picks it up. She says a sprinkler went off in a room at the hotel while the guests were in bed. Sonny says they were hot, but not as hot as he and Carly just were. Sonny is on a roll. What’s next? Stand up?

Jason tells Dante about how Morgan was talking about Kiki and he got him to pull over. He says when Morgan opened the car door, the car exploded. When Jason got out, he saw the car had gone over a cliff. Dante wonders if Morgan went with it. Jason said he couldn’t get close enough to see for sure. Dante looks over the cliff and calls to Morgan, but not very loudly.

Finn returns to the table. He notices the champagne and Hayden says a man at the bar sent it along with this, and gives him the card. She says he’s the president of an investment firm. Finn asks if she’s going to respond, and she says she might give him a call. Not for a job, a date. That’s right, Finn. Hayden wants action, not just talk.

Dillon can’t believe someone wants to turn GH into condos, but Tracy says not if she has anything to say about it. Dillon says he feels like he’s drowning whenever he thinks about Paul too long or too hard. He says GH might be closing for good because of Paul’s actions, and wonders if it’s the final straw.

Kiki leaves another message for Morgan, saying she needs to talk to him in person. She says she knows she hurt him, but doesn’t know how to get him to reach out to her. She apologizes and says they need to talk.

TJ is upset that he didn’t prevent Morgan from taking the car. Molly says Morgan was acting on impulse. She asks why it had to be Julian’s car and says he’ll never let it go until he completely ruins Morgan’s life.

Julian sees Dante. He looks over the cliff and sees his car. He asks what happened. Dante says he doesn’t have all the details, but the witness says it exploded.

Carly calls home and asks if Sonny heard from Morgan. He says it will take time, but he’ll keep her posted. He’s going to wait up for her. Jason walks in looking like a mess, and Sonny asks what the hell happened. Jason says it’s Morgan.

Tomorrow, Sam tells Franco to stay away, Julian tells Ava they’re in trouble, and Jason tells Sonny about the accident.

The Real Housewives of the OC

It’s time to head to Dublin and the ladies are packing. Since becoming pregnant, Meghan wants to dive deeper into her heritage. Kelly is at a crossroads in her marriage, and says the trip is coming at a good time. She talks to Michael about controlling his alcohol intake. He got pretty hammered at Heather’s party.

Briana sees a pair of men’s shoes in Vicki’s bedroom. Vicki says Steve just came over for coffee and Briana wonders what kind of coffee dates Vicki is having.

Tamra has been instructed not to drink at all because of her upcoming competition. She says the more sober she is, the more crazy she realizes the rest of the women are.

Everyone meets at the airport. After a flight that takes absolutely no time, we’re in Ireland. The ladies are met by their driver, Sean. Boy, is he going to be sorry he signed up for this job. Everything is rainy and green. On the way to the hotel, Heather tries to teach everyone words and phrases they might need and it’s a lost cause. The hotel is impressive, and they’re greeted with a signature Black Velvet cocktail of champagne and Guinness. Vicki is also presented with some flowers from Steve. The card says, “I love you,” and the girls get all giggly. Tamra wants to know where the gym is and Shannon wants to know where the bar is. The rooms are beautiful, filled with antiques and lovely details. No surprise, the first stop is the bar. Meghan has plans to visit with a genealogist the next day. Shannon wants to see a leprechaun. Probably Dr. Moon told her they’re real. Maybe he told her to steal one’s hat for a treatment.

Meghan plans a pub crawl for the girls while she does her genealogy thing. Heather reminds Tamra that she promised one fun day. Tamra asks what a pub crawl is, saying she doesn’t like beer, and I’m wondering why such an expert at drinking doesn’t find it self-explanatory. Shannon tries an Irish accent and it comes out sounding like she’s either Spanish or from Brooklyn. Meghan joins them at the first bar (no alcohol of course). Shannon reveals a green glitter top that no one should ever wear. Meghan leaves and they couldn’t care less. I’m not sure they even notice. Vicki encourages Tamra to drink because a drunk Tamra is a fun Tamra. Sometimes. In her interview, Tamra says it’s hard not to be on the fun bus while Vicki is driving.

Shots happen. Vicki whoohoos. It’s on to the next pub.

Meghan has the genealogist over for tea. There are a bunch of dishes with little sandwiches and such, and I wish I could reach into the TV and take one. Dude tells Meghan she’s related to the majority of the town. Throw a rock, hit one of Meghan’s relatives. He goes over her family tree with him. Her great grandfather a million times removed was a rebel who was executed. Good times…

Shannon yells for alcohol and Vicki wants another shot of whatever. Shannon complains about Kelly doing some kind of juvenile “nose flick” joke, that thing The Three Stooges do. Tamra is glad everyone is in a good place. Vicki asks for instruction on pouring a pint and gets behind the bar, flirting with the bartender. Wow, from the mini preview before the commercial, this is going to take a downturn quickly.

Shannon is pretty loud and it sounds like she just made a pass at Kelly. Vicki complains to Tamra about Kelly doing that nose flick thing. Tamra tries to make it a bigger deal than it is, and Kelly tells her to keep walking. Tamra is like, are you talkin’ to me? and tells Kelly she takes things to another level. In her interview, Heather says Kelly has an amazing ability to take a good time and knock it on its ass. Kelly says it was only a joke. She was just kidding with Vicki, but Tamra says Vicki doesn’t like it. Kelly says she can’t believe a child’s joke is freaking everyone out. Tamra is frustrated with defending Kelly. Kelly says she’s sorry they’re sensitive and she won’t do it again. Obviously, a non-apology apology, and it doesn’t fly. Kelly tells Heather that usually people who are of Jewish descent get a joke, and they’re sarcastic and funny. Heather points out that she’s being racist, and Kelly says she’s Mexican. In her interview, Vicki says she’s trying to stay neutral, having just gotten back in good graces with everyone, and I can’t say as I blame her. Kelly says Tamra repeats what everyone says. Truth! but she should have known that by now. Tamra says she didn’t even tell Heather about how Kelly looked into how much Heather owes on her property. Kelly says Tamra is out of her mind and a liar. There goes Tamra’s finger. In her interview, Vicki says Tamra should just let it go. Tamra talks some more about Kelly looking into Heather’s financial situation and Kelly says, are you kidding me? over and over. Kelly says a realtor friend mentioned something to her about it, but it’s not like she personally dug around for the information. Other patrons are starting to look at them and they leave. Kelly calls Tamra an f-ing liar all he way down the street and tells Shannon no wonder Tamra’s daughter won’t talk to her. Uh-oh.

Heather steers everyone toward a store for retail therapy. Shannon can’t repeat what Kelly said fast enough and Tamra goes after Kelly. We only hear them since they’re in the store, but Tamra goes ballistic and Kelly accuses Tamra of hitting her. Shannon finds Tamra weeping in the car and says she’s sorry she said anything. Yeah, sure. Should have thought about that before. Tamra is hyperventilating, and Shannon tells her to breathe slower. I start to question whether any of these women could function in the real world.

Shannon tells Tamra she’s an amazing mom and Kelly is a moron. Tamra says Kelly knows how painful the subject of her daughter is and how dare she? Um, she’s drunk and you kept prodding her? Shannon tells Tamra that she said it herself, Kelly wants to hurt people because she’s miserable. Tamra calls Kelly as evil as Satan. Oh for Pete’s sake.

Kelly asks Shannon what her intent was. She says if she’d wanted to hurt Tamra, she would have said it to her face. Shannon tells her to back off. In her interview, Vicki says she feels sorry for both of them. Heather says she’s never been asked to leave a store in her life, and because of the altercation, they were asked to leave. Ha-ha! on Fancy Pants, but I’d be pissed too. And no, I’ve never been asked to leave a store either. Kelly says Tamra hit her, but Heather says she doesn’t care; Kelly shouldn’t have said what she did. Wow. Fancy Pants endorsing corporal punishment. Heather says she was in the bathroom and they (I assume security) banged on the stall, asking for the American woman and requesting that they leave. Tamra says Kelly crossed the line. Kelly says she said something in private because she was angry that Tamra lied. In her interview, Kelly says she feels like she’s with the mean girls in grade school. I think Kelly has a drinking problem, but these women need to put things in perspective.

They go back to the hotel. Vicki wonders if they’re a bunch of hillbillies, no offense to the hillbillies. Ha-ha! She and Kelly go to their rooms. Tamra, Shannon and Heather sit down for tea. Shannon says she was given the menu already open to where the vodka is.

Kelly tells Meghan that Tamra lied about her looking into Heather’s business. She repeats to Meghan what she said to Shannon. In her interview, Meghan says some things you just leave alone, and she can’t believe Kelly went there. Kelly tells Meghan what happened at the store.

Tamra says she feels horrible because she’s been supportive of Kelly and made excuses for her. In her interview, Tamra says she saw Kelly as damaged, but realizes that no amount of compassion she has for her is going to change anything. Let me just put in my Christian 2¢ here. Tamra was all fine with her compassion as long as Kelly was focused on someone else. If she’s serious about her faith, she needs to back up what she’s been saying, and not have a double-standard. I’m not faulting her – I’m not perfect in this area, but I’m not on TV either, so I’m just sayin’.

Kelly tells Meghan that she said it out of anger. Meghan says if Tamra lied, that’s messed up, but that doesn’t make what Kelly said right. Meghan says there’s a lot of talking among the women and she should get that by now. What I said. Kelly adds that altough she’d been supportive of Vicki, Vicki didn’t speak up for her either. She says she’s tired of defending herself and doesn’t want to go to dinner with the rest of them. Meghan says she’s sorry that this happened. Kelly claims she’s never met girls like this. Meghan tries to get her to relent about dinner, but it ‘s a no. Well that pub crawl was a bust.

In the car, Tamra says Kelly did it to herself. Meghan tells the group about what Kelly said and how she responded. She hopes they can all work it out. Back at the hotel, Kelly calls Michael, telling him the women ganged up on her. Michael tells her to stay calm and get in a good place. Kelly finds it ironic that she wanted to get away from him, and now he’s the only one who has her back. Yeah, since he also has an alcohol problem, why shouldn’t he be encouraging of her drunken rants? She tells him she doesn’t want to be around them because they’re mean.

The girls go to a restaurant and Meghan tells them about what the genealogist told her and how she’s related to everyone in town. She’s excited to be learning about her heritage in the place her ancestors are from. Tamra and Heather refuse to eat potatoes. This is Ireland, people!

Some musicians start to play. Vicki dances with a short guy. Tamra says grandma’s a tramp. The other women find this hysterical and Vicki jokes that she just got pregnant. A dude does some Riverdancing on the bar. Vicki and Shannon both dance and Meghan says it’s an Irish miracle that the two of them are having fun together. I’m sure it won’t last long

Next time, Meghan tries to find her people, Vicki almost steps in a cow-pie, Shannon forces tequila on Kelly (!), and Kelly feels ambushed.

October 9, 2016 – A Wicked Stepmother in Storybrooke Ain’t Got Nuthin’ on Kim D in New Jersey

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

Once Upon a Time

Who’d have thought this show was going to be a hit? Certainly not me, especially since I like it. I figured it would last about 5 minutes.

Regina, Snow and David go to the hospital. David asks if Regina is sure. A nurse gives her something on a tray. It’s a lasagna. They enter a room that’s more like a cell. Hyde is there having just polished off a feast. Regina asks what the Evil Queen wanted and he says the same thing she does – information. Since he’s full now, his price has gone up. I guess the lasagna isn’t going to cut it. He tells Regina it’s hard to stay a step ahead of herself.

Henry goes to Granny’s and meets Emma and Hook. He’s had the Untold Story people write down who they were traveling with to help figure out their stories. Ashley wants to see Henry’s list to find out who has children and might need her day care services. Hook amuses Ashley’s daughter while she goes through the names. Emma watches him from across the restaurant. Ashley asks Hook if there’s a chance of a fairy tale ending and he says not yet. She says if she can get a happy ending, anyone can.

Back in the day, Ashley/Ella is sweeping a walkway. Her wicked stepmother complains about her father not having left enough money for good help, only her. The prince’s footman, Jacob, comes with an invitation to the royal ball. It’s obvious the stepmother and her daughters are snobs, as they make fun of Jacob being lower class.

Ella asks if she might go to the ball. The stepsisters wonder what she would wear. Ella says she does have a dress. She opens a trunk and brings out a ballgown of her mother’s. One of the stepsisters promptly throws it into the furnace. Ella pulls it out and the stepsisters talk about Ella wearing cinders and come up with the name Cinderella. Because they’re creative geniuses. The stepmother says they have a ball to attend and they leave. Ella cries.

A tiny mouse in a tiny sweater gives her a key. Ella says she remembers stories about magic keys that – omg, he’s wearing a tiny hat too! – her mother told her could unlock stories. She throws the key in a box and says there’s no such thing as magic.

Dwarf Grumpy wants to form a union. Actually, I’m making that up because there was a distraction, but he’s leaving Archie’s office grumbling about work. Emma comes in next. She says she’s not a jealous person, but seeing Ella all happy with her family makes her think of how her own happiness is going to disappear. She says her magic is failing. Archie asks if that’s a reason to stop striving for what she wants. He could get hit by a bus, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t walk out the door. She tells him that Hook wants to move in together and she’s on the fence. They’ve fought for everyone else’s happy endings and she won’t have hers. Archie says maybe it’s not about the ending, but how you live.

Ella’s husband tells Emma his rifle is missing. He thinks Ella is going to kill her wicked stepsister. Emma says they’ll have to find her the same way she’s been found before, and conjures up a Keds.

Jekyll tries to recreate the syrum that split Regina and the Evil Queen. He’s got a makeshift lab going on near the crash in the forest. Snow suggests Regina try thinking like her sister. Regina says when you want to tear families apart you look for the cracks that are already there. She needs to talk to Zelena.

Snow tells David she’d like to be normal some day. She asks why a princess can’t be a teacher and says she’d like to go back to teaching like she did as Mary Margaret. David thinks that’s noble and kisses her. She looks at Jekyll’s equipment and comes up with an idea.

Henry and Hook are sword fighting with sticks. Emma comes by with the shoe and says it will take them to Ella.

Ella tells her mouse turned escort that whatever Rumpelstiltskin wanted, it’s worth it. She enters the ball in a beautiful gown, saying she owes everything to him. She tells the footman to have fun and then literally runs into Snow White. Ella apologizes profusely, and Snow tells her she’s not an ordinary princess, so don’t worry about it. She doesn’t think Ella is an ordinary princess either, and Ella says she’s just a girl playing dress-up for a night. Snow points out that a prince is checking her out. Ella wonders if he’s charming, but Snow says that name’s taken.

Ella approaches the prince and they dance. He asks her name, but she wants to remain a mystery. He calls her the girl with the glass slippers. Because he’s also a creative genius. He tells her that she’s not from this world. He has something to attend to, but tells her don’t go anywhere. Very pretty scene with the dancing and the gowns.

Ella sees the prince give her stepsister, Clorinda, a rose. Ella’s stepmother suddenly appears behind her and says they’re laughing at her. Ella says the prince danced with her, but her stepmother says he made her into a joke and everyone knew it except her. Ella runs out leaving a you-know-what.

David walks into Gold’s shop and asks him where he got the coin. He wants to know if his father’s death was an accident, and he wants to cut right to a deal. Gold says he likes candor almost as much as a deal. He looks up the coin’s records and says the more desperate the man, the higher the price. He asks how badly David wants to deal.

The mouse bugs Ella, poking at the box where the key is. Ella opens a door with the key and magic stuff is happening on the other side of it. She’s about to go through, and Clorinda runs in and stops her. She tells Ella that the prince loves her and he’s looking for her. Ella thinks Clorinda is making fun of her because she saw the prince give Clorinda a rose. Clorinda says she’s getting married, but not to the prince, to his footman Jacob – the prince had been giving her a message. Ella points out that Clorinda was mean to Jacob, but she says she was putting on an act like she’s done most of her life. She apologizes for everything and says they’ve both been prisoners, but tonight, she’s out of there. She’s meeting Jacob, they’re headed to a little farm, and she’s never coming back. Ella says her mother will hunt her down, but she has an idea. She takes the key.

In Storybrooke, Emma, Hook and Henry find Ella. Ella says she has to find her stepsister. She says doesn’t want to kill her. She says Corinda wasn’t the wicked one, she was. She tells Emma she can’t do it for her this time and that her happiness was a lie. Emma says she understands and her hand shakes. Ella runs. Hook tells Emma to use magic, but she can’t.

Regina goes to Zelena and asks if the Evil Queen was there. She sees the rattle and has her answer. Regina says Zelena should give it. Zelena says it’s a family heirloom, but Regina says there are strings attached. She tells Zelena that she just wants to help, but Zelena says she’s the one who ripped herself in half and she’s the one who needs help.

The Evil Queen approaches Emma’s group. She tells Henry that she’s as much his mother as Regina is. Emma tells him not to listen, and that the Evil Queen is the worst part of Regina. The Evil Queen suggests it might be the most honest. She says Regina never got her happy ending because she won’t let her story play out. Emma says if the Evil Queen goes after Ashley, she’ll save her again. The Evil Queen says all of the happy endings are going to turn to dust and uses a lot of words to say that Emma is a big loser in the end. She says everything is going to fall apart, and the three of them disappear, poof! in a cloud of purple smoke.

Henry, Hook and Emma are on a dirt road. Emma says the Evil Queen took them off the chessboard.

David visits Belle. He has something for her from her husband. He gives her a cassette tape. Belle asks what David needed from him. David says Rumpel has information about his father and Belle says he can tell Rumpel he’s held up his end of the bargain. They talk about David’s father. She says it’s hard for fathers and sons. No matter what the damage, they still need each other.

Emma makes a mini speech about Ashley being her first save and says they have to find her. Hook suggests she go back to her education as a bail bondsperson. Henry says they should check the book. Checking the ending is all they need.

The stepmother tells Ella that Clorinda ran off with the footman. Ella says the prince is looking for her, and if she marries him, Clorinda can do what she wants. The stepmother says Ella looks like garbage and has the education of her cat. She says maybe if Ella had proof, and looks in the trashcan, finding the shoe. She lifts it out of the can. Ella says it’s nothing. The stepmother asks where Clorinda is, and Ella spills the beans (not to be confused with the Jack and the Beanstalk beans), I guess in the hope that her shoe will be spared. The stepmother “drops” the shoe, and it smashes to smithereens.

Storybrooke Ella finds Clorinda in the barn. She sees Clorinda has been hurt and runs to her. Ella says it’s all her fault, but if she fixes their story, maybe Clorinda can forgive her. She realizes that Clorinda isn’t hurt at all, and Clorinda says it’s too late. She can’t forgive Ella and neither can her mother. The stepmother reveals herself. She has a rifle and cocks it.

In the old days, Snow takes the prince to where Ella is. Ella is locked in and they can’t hear her calling. The tiny mouse gets Snow’s attention and gives her the key. They enter the house. The prince asks Ella why she ran away. She says the shoe is broken and there’s no proof now, and if he wants someone else, she understands. He says why would he want to do that and asks her name. When she says Ella, he says he’d like to change that to Princess Ella. They kiss and she thanks Snow. The prince says he’ll get the royal glass blower to make her new shoes.

She says there’s something she has to do first.

Clorinda is about to take Jacob to the Land of Untold Stories through the magic door, when the stepmother kills him. Ella runs to them, announcing her engagement and showing off her ring. Clorinda can’t believe Ella is so ignorant, and the stepmother makes it all about her, saying that when it’s finally her turn to catch a break, Ella gets everything and she gets nothing. She says that’s not going to happen. She’s going to pause her life and maybe she’ll come back when people are more appreciative of her. She jumps through the magic door.

Ella tells Clorinda that Jacob is in Storybrooke. On the other side, the stepmother drags Jacob into the barn. She wants to shoot Jacob. Ella says she knows her stepmother is in pain, but she doesn’t get to take it out on Jacob. She stands between them. The stepmother says it’s a coward’s weapon anyway, and not personal enough. She produces a knife and stabs Ella.

Emma arrives. She goes to Ella, but her hand starts to shake. Henry tells her she can do it. She concentrates and zaps Ella, whose wound magically disappears. Ella apologizes to Clorinda, Hook and Emma embrace, everyone is happy, probably not for long.

Regina and Snow take Jekyll to a garage with a lab in it. A guy who looks like Sting tells them ti’s his. They can use it, but don’t touch anything in the fridge – it’s not food. He introduces himself as Dr. Frankenstein. Snow is hoping to get the town back to normal. I’m not quite sure what she means by that.

Everyone else gathers at a picnic area where Grumpy is giving the stepmother golf lessons. Emma asks Hook to move in with her. She says live is uncertain, but she could make space in her closet for some black leather. They kiss.

David ponders a piece of paper. He tells Snow that Gold gave it to him. It’s an article about a shepherd found in the wreckage of a cart. He’d been stabbed. David says it’s his father, and this means he wasn’t drunk and killed in an accident. Snow says his father kept his word, but David says the killer is still out there. Snow tells him that what he’s contemplating is vengeance, not justice, and to leave it along. She says raising a family is the most important thing they’ll ever do, and if he’s off on some crusade, they can’t do it. David says bring Neil up is epic enough for him. He tells her to go to bed and that he’s burning the paper.

She leaves and he hesitates. He blows out the candle instead.

Belle plays the tape. We hear Rumpel reading poetry. We see him walking along the dock.

The Evil Queen says it’s not fair; the Savior wins. Hyde says but for how long? She says his pathetic other half is working on something to destroy her. Hyde tells her that if she wants his help, it’s a tall order to fill from inside a cell. The Evil Queen frees him and says let’s take a walk. They leave arm in arm.

Next time, Hyde is free to wreak havoc, Jekyll and Hyde come together, and Aladdin takes the stage in two weeks.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Siggy comes to see Dolores’s kitchen. They talk about Vermont. Siggy says she saw a side of Jacqueline she never did before, but Dolores says she just thought, here we go again. Siggy says she thinks Jacqueline believes they didn’t have her back because she’s getting the silent treatment. We flash back to how Siggy stood up for her at the dinner. Siggy says she didn’t leave her family and kids to go to a sh*tshow, and then have one of her best friends get mad at her when she didn’t do anything wrong. She wants to confront Jacqueline. In her interview, Dolores says Siggy wasn’t trained for this and wandered into the “do not feed” part of the zoo. Dolores says somebody has to admit they’re wrong and it ain’t gonna happen. She wonders what’s going on between Melissa and Jacqueline, but wants to keep her distance.

Melissa is at the boutique with Jackie and Derek, dressing the mannequins. Jackie feels that sales are dragging. Melissa thought they were doing well, but Jackie says the internet sales have been disappointing. Melissa thinks they have to move forward on social media. She’s having a fashion show, but Jackie is going to be in the Bahamas. We see where Jackie’s priorities are.

Melissa asks Derek what Kim D has against him. He seems taken aback, and she says Jacqueline was down her throat about him spreading stories. She says she went back and found some of his old videos and if he’s been talking trash about Teresa, they’ll have a problem. She talks about Kim D being a sh*t stirrer. No argument from me there.

Jacqueline tells Chris she’s disappointed in the girls. Siggy and Dolores come by. They do squats on the porch before ringing the bell. Jacqueline does have a super cute dog. I think it’s a Cocker Spaniel. Right away, Siggy wants clarity. She wants to know why Jacqueline is mad at her and points out that she’d backed her up in Vermont. Dolores says Siggy wants to know if her loyalty is being questioned. Sometimes I laugh as I type this stuff; it’s so stupid sounding.

Jacqueline pretends like she didn’t even know what was going on around her. She needed to go into her “cocoon.” Siggy says she was angry and hurt, and Dolores interjects that Jacqueline talks about how hurt she was. Chris compares Jacqueline to an abused dog and I go, come on now. Isn’t this the woman with the semi-violent tagline? Jacqueline says Melissa tried to rewrite history and she was disappointed. Dolores asks if she’s done with the friendships and Jacqueline says yes, both Teresa an Melissa. Siggy doesn’t want to go to Melissa’s fashion show now. Because we’re seven years old. Chris – why is he here? – says they’re both amazing people and talks about seeing inside their souls, making me uncomfortable. Siggy just does not want to accept all of this. She cries and hugs Jacqueline.

Is it me, or is Siggy way over-involved emotionally with other people’s problems?

Joe #2 visits Teresa. The kids are in school and Joe #1 is off somewhere. They talk about him taking his turn in prison. Joe #2 asks if Teresa was bitter at Joe #1 when she first went to prison. She says at first she was mad at him for getting her involved and was mad at herself for not reading everything, but knew that nothing was intentional. We see a home movie of her and brother Joe as teenagers. She says it was easy for them to mesh back together. Joe #2 tells her if she needs anything while her husband is away, just ask. Her main concern is the garbage, which I find funny, since it’s the one thing I don’t like to do when my husband is away.

Siggy meets Melissa for coffee. She’s thankful that Vermont is over. She says she hates the rift. Melissa says it got ugly. They talk about Jacqueline saying everyone thought of Melissa as a stuck-up bitch. Siggy says maybe her first impressions of Melissa were phony and self-absorbed. She thought Melissa wasn’t very invested in relationships and wondered why she held back. Melissa says she didn’t know Siggy and Siggy says she gets that now. Yes, Siggy, that’s how normal people are. Melissa says they all got thrown under the bus in Vermont. I think we might be able to get the lyrics of a country song out of this.

Siggy tells Melissa she can’t go to Melissa’s fashion show, or Kim D’s, because she wants to stay home with her blankie doesn’t want to be in the middle of this. She feels that if she goes, it will hurt Jacqueline. Melissa says if she’s going to Jacqueline’s events, she is picking sides. In her interview, Melissa wonders if Siggy is being persuaded or she just thinks Melissa is wrong. nose job Siggy says Jacqueline felt that Melissa didn’t have her back. Melissa says obviously Jacqueline isn’t okay with the good place she and Teresa are in and wanted to cause trouble. Siggy says Jacqueline was hurt that Melissa didn’t answer her question and Melissa doesn’t know how she was supposed to. She says Jacqueline was in her face like a Screaming Mimi, all over the place, yelling about everything from Melissa’s nose job (her “worst kept secret”) to Strippergate. Melissa says it’s fine if Jacqueline doesn’t want to be friends, but her approach was all wrong. She explains Strippergate to Siggy and tells her it wasn’t like Jacqueline had warned her specifically. She’d said that something was going to come out about someone. Yep. That narrows it down. Siggy asks if Melissa thinks Jacqueline had anything to do with it and Melissa says she doesn’t care. Melissa says the news is so old, it might be true, and calls out for a dollar. In her interview, Siggy says Melissa makes some valid points. What is wrong with this woman that she can’t see that Jacqueline is basically pissed because Teresa and her sister-in-law aren’t giving her enough attention? Siggy thanks Melissa for being level-headed and classy.

Dolores is out shopping with her mother, looking for Easter stuff. She talks about how she had to forget about the Italian/American dream, and how men looked down on her because she didn’t have an education. Her mother says it took her fifty years to stand up for herself, It was always about Siggy’s father. Her mother didn’t even have a clue about their finances. She says he was reluctant to show her, but he showed her anyway. (Seriously, whoever you are with, you should both have knowledge of things like that. I have a friend whose father’s death left a real mess because nobody knew anything except him.) Dolores says its in the DNA, and her mom was so dependent, it mentally and physically crippled her. Her mom says that’s the way her mom was too. Dolores says they grew up at the same time.

Ewww! It’s Kim D. Dolores and Jacqueline arrive for dinner before the fashion show. They talk about cleavage, but Jacqueline wastes no time in telling Kim D that Melissa thought that Jacqueline was behind Strippergate. She did not! Dolores tells them about Siggy not going to Kim or Melissa’s fashion show. Kim’s eager facial expression for any and all dirt is disgusting.

Kim D talks about how Teresa should get a move on a divorce, since Joe #1 can get 50% of what she’s worth. Dolores says that isn’t going to happen, and Kim D asks if Teresa is delusional or doesn’t know. She alludes that Joe #1 was cheating on Teresa while she was in jail and we see some tabloid headlines. She thinks Teresa should dump him. Both Jacqueline and Dolores aren’t taking the bait with this one and do not want to discuss Teresa’s marital business. In her interview, Dolores says Kim D can’t help who she is and can’t fight the DNA. Again with the DNA.

Siggy, Dolores, Teresa and Melissa meet for lunch. Teresa orders everything on the menu and Melissa says when they go out, Teresa and Joe #2 order fifteen appetizers each. Siggy says although she believes Jacqueline is coming from a good place, her talk with Melissa has changed her mind about going to Melissa’s fashion show. Teresa asks about Kim D’s show and if there was any drama. We flash back to all the previous Kim D events where there was much hair pulling and loud cursing.

Teresa says they need to look at the big picture – Jacqueline is the one who brought Kim D in. Teresa makes the proclamation that Jacqueline is crazy and Dolores says no more taling about anyone anymore. Siggy talks about Joe #1 going away and they all agree that it will be positive for him in several ways. Like laying off the sauce.

It’s time for Jacqueline’s Little Kernal popcorn event. Siggy tells Jacqueline about the lunch. She acts like she’d beat the pants off of anyone who talks about Jacqueline, but fails to mention that she’s going to Melissa’s show. Dolores announces that she’s having a future ladies night. Jacqueline says that Joe is having a going away party. While the entire family was invited, Chris is going, but she isn’t.

Chris makes a speech. They give a portion of their profits to an organization that helped them with Nicholas after he was diagnosed with autism. Chris also announces Ashlee’s pregnancy. Lots of smiles and congrats. Dolores tells Chris that if Jacqueline doesn’t go to Joe’s party, he shouldn’t. Chris says he was going to make an early entrance and exit, but Dolores discourages him. She thinks he should make a statement in standing by his wife, since these are people she just had an argument with. Oh brother. Not only do I think she’s sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, I think she’s wrong. Jacqueline’s fight isn’t with Joe, nor is her frenemy-ship. On top of it, this isn’t a normal party on a Saturday night. Joe is going to be gone for quite a while. To deny his friend to be at his going away party is kind of cruel. And Chris has it right to make it early and brief. He’s saying good-by to his friend, but not dancing the night away with the friends of her enemy friend enemy.

Teresa and Dolores meet at church. It’s done up for Easter and absolutely beautiful. Teresa says she thought she had the perfect life. Dolores talks about how they thought it would be, the white picket fence deal, and how it’s never really like that. Teresa says this generation would have said good-by at the first sign of trouble,.but she’s old school. Dolores says yeah, kids today don’t take that sh*t, then realizes where she is and says, sorry, Jesus, which is pretty funny. Teresa say she would never stand for infidelity and Dolores makes a half soap opera face. The two women say a prayer.

Next time, Siggy admits to plastic surgery – a lot of plastic surgery, Joe #1 tells Gia to never date, Teresa isn’t ready for Joe to leave, and Jacqueline gets emo again.

 

September 26, 2016 – GH’s Paul Confesses & the OC’s Kelly Stresses

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sam startles Alexis. They were supposed to meet for lunch, but Alexis didn’t show. She also didn’t go to Sabrrrina’s funeral. Sam says she looks like hell and wonders what’s going on.

Morgan tells Kiki he decided not to go to the funeral. He didn’t trust himself not to lose it again if Joe showed up.

Sonny and Jason talk over coffee. Sonny says whoever took Sabrrrina’s life needs to pay. Jason tells him it’s not his world. This is a serial killer and a different realm. Sonny says Julian will never pay for ordering the hit on Duke and tells Jason that Julian is coming after him.

Paul tells Tracy he killed her. He’s the reason Sabrrrina is dead. Well, I guess I might as well turn this off now. Tracy thinks he’s acting selfishly. She says he feels responsible so he’s making it all about him. No! I should have known this wasn’t going to get wrapped up in a neat little bow so quickly.

Michael comes home to Nell holding a box of family photos. She’s set up a memorial page online for Sabrrrina. She shows Michael that people have already started to post. She knows it doesn’t do anything to assuage the actual grief though, because she’s been there.

Julian acts like a complete a-hole, sitting in Nina’s chair when she comes in. He wants permission to take back what’s his, including the magazine. Nina says she was running things long before he tried to kill his wife – allegedly. She says their agreement hasn’t changed and he says he’s not there to break it. He wants her to clear his name.

Sam says Alexis is in the same clothes as yesterday and she obviously just woke up. She says it’s not the first time she’s seen Alexis like that. She’s hungover and it’s becoming a pattern. Alexis says she’s fine, but Sam counts the wine bottles and says no she isn’t.

Morgan says he doesn’t want to add to Michael’s stress. Kiki says he made a good decision, especially because of Teddy bringing back the old custody issues. Morgan says he has a paper due. Kiki suggests an extension, but he says he’s got this. He leaves and Kiki literally runs into Dillon again.

Paul says Sabrrrina wasn’t’ supposed to be hurt this way. Tracy says she blames the police department and everyone blamed themselves, but the only person to blame is the killer.

Sam is concerned about Alexis’s pattern. Alexis says she’s right, this isn’t her, it’s the new her. She needs Sam to back off so she can figure out how to cope. She tells Sam that it’s temporary. She’s about to start work again.

Nina says Julian was exonerated. He says not guilty does’t change the court of public opinion. He wants to be on the cover of the magazine and give an exclusive with his side of the story. He says she’ll boost circulation and he can defend himself. She says she passes.

Jason says Julian just got acquitted yesterday. Sonny says he was celebrating with Ava already. He tells Jason about meeting Julian, and that Julian told him to watch Morgan because he’s getting into trouble he can’t handle. When Sonny asked if Julian was threatening Morgan, Julian said he’s coming after him. He’s going down, but his death won’t be tied to Julian. Jason asks if Carly knows and Sonny says she was there, but she wants him to leave it alone.

Kiki tells Dillon at least she wasn’t carrying coffee this time. Dillon asks about Morgan and Kiki explains why he didn’t go to the funeral. Dillon says there was a little altercation at the house.

Nell tells Michael that she lost her best friend in high school. She was killed because she got in a car with a drunk driver. One minute they were hanging out, and the next she was gone. Nell says she knows how much the page helped her friend’s parents, but they eventually took the page down. With it went all the memories they’d shared, and she felt the loss all over again. She knew the last thing on Michael’s mind would be old photos. Nell tells him that one day he’ll want to look at the memories and she wanted him to have what she didn’t get.

Tracy says Paul isn’t helping anyone. He says she’s right, and Sabrrrina was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Tracy says she’s never seen him like this. He’s usually emotionless, focused and unflappable. He says it’s hitting close to home and asks to be alone.

Alexis shows Sam a list of law firms. She says she can do consults until she gets her license back. She swears she won’t get drunk again. She says since Sam can’t drink because she’s pregnant, she won’t drink with her.

Nina says Julian isn’t going to be the next Crimson cover girl. She says he wants to use her magazine as a PR outreach and to get back his wife and children. In the meantime, her magazine loses credibility and advertisers. Julian says he was asking out of politeness and now he’s demanding. He owns the magazine and he’s telling her to run the piece. She tells him to have his lawyers give him the definition of autonomy. Nina refuses to run a puff piece on a man who crossed the line with domestic abuse. He urges her to play ball or regret it. She asks if he’s threatening her, and he says he sure is. Julian is the worst.

Jason says he can’t get involved and Sonny should just wait and see what happens. Jason says Julian talks a lot, but doesn’t carry out anything. He had Carrrlos carry out his dirty work and then killed him. He says Julian is a coward and too afraid to make a move against Sonny. Sonny asks if Jason would bet his life, and Jason says he thinks Julian will make a mistake that backfires.

Sonny says he can’t promise how he’ll handle things, and Jason says sorry he can’t help. Sonny sees Morgan working on his laptop. He asks why Morgan didn’t go to the funeral. Morgan says he ran it past Michael and he was fine with it. He says he’s working on a paper right now. Sonny says he has a lot going on, and he doesn’t want Morgan to burn himself out. Morgan says he appreciates Sonny worrying about him, but there are others who need his worrying more.

Kiki tells Dillon that she and Michael have some old stuff, so she thought it best to stay away. She tells Dillon about how she and Morgan tried to make Michael seem incompetent to he’d lose custody of Avery, and Sabrrrina saved the day. She says the perfect Kiki doesn’t exist. Dillon says perfect is boring and he thinks Michael might appreciate her reaching out to him.

Michael thanks Nell for telling him about her friend. She says as someone who’s experienced loss, it helps to share it. He asks if she went into the nursery when she was collecting photos. She says no, and Michael tells her there are pictures that Teddy might want to see one day. She leaves to get them. The doorbell rings. It’s Sonny.

Alexis tells Sam not to worry and just take care of the baby. She asks to reschedule lunch, because she wants to clean herself up and look for a job. Sam leaves and Alexis immediately chugs a bottle of wine. Not really, but she thinks about it.

Alexis stares at the wine glass and then looks at a picture of her and Sam. She makes a bunch of phone calls, but none of them pan out. When she’s done she says the hell with the shower, she feels like a bath, and brings the wine with her.

Julian says Nina has skeletons in her closet too. He says she wants to move on with her life and certain people are preventing that. He threatens her with budget cuts. She says she has proof he tried to sabotage the magazine. If he wants to reach out to Alexis or the other people he’s destroyed, he’ll do it without her and the magazine’s help. He says working with her again will be interesting.

Sam meets Jason. She says she can tell he’s worried. Jason says her father threatened Sonny and threatening him usually doesn’t end well. Sam doesn’t care what happens to Julian, but asks if Jason is getting involved.

Sonny tells Michael that they always take for granted that he doesn’t need any help, but he knows Michael is hurting and wants him to know he’s not alone. He says sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you care about is to just show up. They hug.

Paul talks to Sabrrrina’s picture. He apologizes and says he hopes it brings her spirit peace that she didn’t die in vain. This is after a couple of people talked to Steve Hardy’s picture last week. Pretty soon, in an effort to save money, they can cut the cast in half and use pictures f0r the other half.

Tracy tells Dillon that as much as funerals are a celebration of life, they’re really a downer for everyone. She tells him that Paul is devastated by Sabrrrina’s death. She says she’s never seen Paul like that and he’s in a bad place. Dillon tells her about how shaken up Paul was when he told him about her murder, like it was personal even though they didn’t know each other that well. Tracy says, OMG, she knows what it is. I’ll bet not. I’ll bet this is just another carrot on a stick.

Morgan peruses his phone. Morgan stares at his laptop. Morgan takes a break.

Kiki sends a message to Michael, thanking him for taking care of her sister.

Tracy thinks Paul feels guilty about the distance between him and Susan, and that Sabrrrina’s death exacerbated that guilt. She suggests that Dillon reach out to her. Dillon says he’ll try. Tracy tells him to ask her to come to Port Charles. She says maybe Paul seeing his daughter is just what he needs.

Paul calls Susan. He leaves a message that her father called, that it will be okay and he’s handling everything. Not too well though.

Nell walks in on Sonny and Michael’s hug. Michael says he’ll be right back and Nell apologizes to Sonny for her bad timing. She compliments him on what good dad he is, and says his kids are lucky to ahve him in their lives. I’d agree with that.

Sam asks Jason if Sonny is going to take action. She says she sees what Julian has done, but doesn’t want his blood on either of their hands. Jason says if Julian keeps pushing, Sonny will have to defend himself.

Drunk Alexis comes downstairs. Her front door is open. Julian is in the living room.

Tomorrow, Alexis complains to Julian, Hayden thinks she and Elizabeth should call Jff together, and Tracy wants to find Susan.

The Real Housewives of the OC

The Beadors find a rental property. Shannon complains about the stove, the floors, and the horrible feng shui. Kelly also lives within walking distance. Shannon says she knows where to go for a cup of tequila. In her interview, Shannon says that David’s mother and sister wanted him to leave her for the woman he had the affair with. Shannon definitely has some issues, but considering the mother complained to total strangers about the whole thing, I’m guessing she must be a real pita.

Eddie and Tamra go out to lunch at a sushi place. It’s five weeks until her competition and Tamra is concerned about the carbs in the sake. Tamra says Eddie and Simon are like night and day. Eddie is supportive no matter what, while Simon was a controlling twit. They talk about how Shannon can go off like a rocket.

Kelly’s husband opens a beer bottle with his teeth. He’s doing some renovation work on the house, but in her interview, she says he does it half-assed. She asks him if their relationship is any better now that he’s retired. She says they’re both control freaks, but Michael insists he isn’t. In her interview, she explains that she’d filed for divorce because she felt like she was being suffocated. Michael says they’re dealing with trying to repair things while dealing with the baggage of the divorce where they were separated for 2½ years. Kelly says she can’t talk to him because he gets upset with everything. She tells him if he just says yes to everything, it will all go a lot more smoothly.

Vicki and son Michael are building an insurance policy behind a charity called Kill All Cancer. It’s a policy so that if someone should get cancer, they can get back on their feet again. It sounds kind of like Aflac. Vicki is going to do some TV ads. We see one she’s done for her insurance company and it makes me think of a funeral home ad. In her interview, Vicki talks about how she got dragged through the mud last year, with Brooks lying about having cancer, and explains the whole Brooks thing to the guys in charge of the charity. The publicity guy says she can have haters, but if she continuously does the next right thing, she should come out on top. I’m not sure if this is actually a charitable act or Vicki is trying to save her reputation.

Meghan checks out the space she and Jim got for their candle making business. Since it’s relatively big, they’re also including other products. She says opening the store is a perfect distraction for her until her next pre-natal appointment where she’ll find out if she’s having twins. I always like to buy a store when I need a distraction.

Kelly and her mother, Bobbi, talk. Her mother talks about how she stuck her marriage out for the kids. Kelly says the two years she and Michael were separated, it was hard for her daughter to bounce back and forth. She tells her mother about what happened with Tamra and how she’s estranged from her daughter now. She wonders what’s better, to stay married and see your kids every day, or end up like Tamra. I’m assuming by the conversation, things aren’t going well with the marriage.

Shannon whines about packing and unpacking. They have to be out in 30 minutes and she’s still getting it together. She says she can’t open another cupboard and find something else. In her interview, she says there have been amazing memories in the house, and we flash back to some of them. And some bad ones. She says there’s a huge piece of her in the house and it’s sad. She’s giving her fourth baby up for adoption. Everyone says good-by to the house.

Tamra has set up a spa day for some of the girls. Vicki arrives first. She just wants to whoop it up and forget about last year. Heather is next. She’s happy for no helmets and safety equipment, only champagne. Kelly rounds out the quartet. They all get in a mud bath and Tamra talks about how David’s mom acted at the kids’ gig. Vicki tells them about how his mother wanted him to stay with his mistress and would invite her to family dinners. Heather adds that the mistress was friends with his sister. No wonder Shannon is a mess. Tamra brings up the mother saying that Shannon pushed him to have an affair. In her interview, Vicki says you don’t have an affair if you’re happily married and it reminds her of what happened with her and Don.

Jim and Meghan go to her doctor’s appointment. The doctor asks if she’s been having any problems, but she says it’s all good except for being a little emotional. A little? They do a sonogram and listen to the baby’s heart. It looks like just one baby. Meghan starts to cry because you can’t please her. Jim tells her it’s okay like ten thousand times. In her interview she says it’s a happy moment, but she feels a huge sense of loss. What is she wearing on her index finger? It looks like a spring. Jim actually acts like a human being and comforts her.

The Beadors arrive at their rental house. There are about ten million boxes in there. I’ve never had to move a 13,000+ square foot house, but I did move into a new apartment when my office was moving at the same time. I dreamed about boxes. David wants a drink immediately. Shannon looks like she’s going to be sick. She takes a selfie out by the water. She’s both stressed and excited to move on.

Meanwhile, back at the spa, the girls get massages. Kelly and Vicki are in the same room and Vicki asks about Kelly’s marriage. Kelly says Michael ignored their anniversary, so she bought a purse and he thought some dude bought it for her. Vicki says she and Don were married almost twenty years and had everything. She says Kelly has to fix it and has to talk to Michael. In her interview, Vicki says she did the wrong thing by bailing. Kelly tells Vicki about Michael telling her to shut up. In the next room, Tamra and Heather can hear her and Tamra says she doesn’t think Kelly is happy in her marriage.

Vicki says it’s never just one person who causes a relationship to fall apart, it’s always two. Tamra talks about Michael being evaluated as a narcissist and how he tried to take her daughter away from her while they were separated. Vicki tells Kelly she’s going down a slippery slope.

The spa girls have lunch and cocktails. Tamra and Heather get to the table first and talk about Meghan’s store opening. Tamra jokes about getting her a candle as a gift. Ha-ha! Vicki and Kelly join them. Tamra asks who was yelling, and Kelly says she was crying and Vicki was giving her advice. I’d cry if I was getting advice from Vicki too. Kelly reveals her marriage isn’t going too well, and talks about Michael ignoring their anniversary. I can totally understand the guy leaving it up to the wife to plan – some guys just aren’t good with that kind of stuff – but to not even get a card is inexcusable. In her interview, Tamra says Kelly’s lashing out makes sense now. Tamra says it will get really bad before it gets better. She says you can’t win with a narcissist. Kelly says her mother thinks they should get a divorce, but she’s not sure what to do.

Shannon and David go out for dinner. David says he understands how difficult it is right now, but ultimately it will be a good move for them. He brings up his mother’s outburst and says Shannon didn’t deserve it. He thinks his mother blames herself for his father’s affairs and tells her she had nothing to do with his mistake. I hate when they use that word “mistake.” It sounds like, oops! I just ended up in bed with someone else for eight months. Shannon says it was the most hurtful thing his mother could have said. She wonders why his mother hasn’t liked her from the jump.

Shannon tells David she wasn’t mad at him, just his mother. David says he texted her that if she’s going to be disrespectful to Shannon, he can’t have her around. Wow. He must love Shannon. In her interview, Shannon says it shows his commitment. Holy! The plate of ribs Shannon ordered is humongous.

This season, Tamra farts on Eddie and loses her nipple cover (not at the same time), Michael gets drunk, Tamra’s competition happens, the ladies take a trip to Dublin (hide the liquor!) and go all Riverdance, there’s a trip to a dairy farm, Kelly calls Tamra a liar, Shannon and Tamra argue with Vicki, and Tamra gets hysterical.

Looks like a great season. 😨