What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
So here’s what happened, I’m guessing just on the east coast. When I turned on GH, it was breaking news, but actually relevant to my area – a shooting in Jersey City. Okay. I get them breaking in for that, especially since it was ongoing and they hadn’t apprehended or killed the suspects at that point in time. Nevertheless, because it’s my job – albeit a volunteer one that I created for myself – I went on the hunt. Here you go.
Scotty asks Elizabeth if Andre said how long it’s going to take, but she says, no. He wonders if they’re just going to sit around, staring at the clock, and asks Cameron how long it took Shiloh and Cabot to scramble Franco’s brain. Cameron says he guesses he was too scared to notice.
Andre tells Franco/Drew that he’s an incredibly brave man. If this works, it’s the last time he’ll know himself. Andre will do his best to make sure the sacrifice isn’t in vain. The program is almost ready.
Peter runs into the hospital. Laura says she needs a word with him, and he asks if it can wait. She says it can’t. It’s city business, and it’s urgent.
At the MetroCourt, Anna hugs Griff. She’s glad to see him, but sorry for the circumstances. She knows he and Lucas were friends. They sit, and she asks how he is. He says, glad to have her back in town. She says she was gone too long, and he says he bets Finn is thrilled. She says Finn had a bit of a surprise for her. It turns out he has a daughter with Hayden. He says, what?! and she says she reacted that way too. He just found out about her; her name’s Violet. He asks how Finn is taking it, and she says, it’s hard being thrust into the role of a father. Griff says he remembers, and she says, that’s right. The same thing happened to him with Charlotte.
Nina holds out her hand to Ava, and asks if Ava will take down the Cassadine boys with her. Ava says, no thanks. She has zero interest in partnering with Nina. Nina asks, why not? and Ava says Nina visited her at Shadybrook because she wanted to get her hands on the portrait. She’s no better than Valentin or Nikolas. Nina says she’s wrong. She’s on Ava’s side, and wants Ava on hers.
Valentin continues to ring Jax’s doorbell, and Jax tells Nikolas to get out of there. He invites Valentin in, and ask what he wants. Valentin says, closure. Things got heated between them at the MetroCourt. Jax admits he wasn’t very gentlemanly, but thinks he got his message across. Valentin says, partly, but if Jax is trying to take his inheritance, he’ll fight back hard. Or they can pool their resources, and they both win.
Nina says when she saw Ava at Shadybrook, Ava was shattered. It broke her heart. Ava asks what she expected after Nikolas said those cruel things to her. Kiki is in hell because of her. Nina asks if Ava wants to let him get away with that, and Ava says, of course (🍷) not. Nina says Nikolas preyed on her vulnerabilities; let’s make him pay. Ava asks why she should trust Nina. How does she know Nina isn’t Valentin’s emissary, and going to prey on her vulnerable state? Nina says she has no interest in helping Valentin. Ava says Nina is in love with Valentin. She probably sprinted home to tell him about the ring, and how Nikolas is alive and well. Nina says Valentin has no idea that the man who broke into Ava’s gallery is Nikolas. Ava tells her to warn him, so he can swoon over her more than he already does. Nina says Ava is right. Valentin loves her and would do anything for her; even fabricate a daughter that didn’t exist. He was behind Sasha’s lies and orchestrated the whole thing. She’s known for months, and it’s her chance to turn the tables.
Valentin tells Jax, the more they fight each other, the more they stand to lose. They’d be better off joining forces to find Helena’s portrait. Isn’t it what they both want? Jax says, so Valentin wants a truce and a collaborator, and Valentin says he does. Jax laughs and says, that’s never going to happen. Valentin says he knows Jax had someone break into Ava’s gallery. Jax feigns ignorance, and Valentin sees the garbage bags full of Nikolas’s clothes. He asks if Jax has a new roommate, and Jax says his daughter is coming to stay with him. Valentin says, daughters are the best; he has one of those. He compliments Jax on his home, and asks if Jax minds if he looks at the sunset. Nina has been raving about the view. Valentin goes out on the terrace, and Jax follows, saying, he’s surprised Nina noticed. She was pretty upset after that debacle of a wedding. Valentin says they’re fixing that soon, and Jax asks if Valentin thinks he’ll make it through the ceremony this time.
Griff tells Anna not to worry. The Charlotte thing isn’t a trigger for him anymore, but he can still remember the feeling of surprise fatherhood; how full you feel in your heart. He asks how Finn is handling it, and Anna says, it’s day by day, but they’re starting a lovely connection. He says, speaking of which, have she and Peter grown closer? She says they’re getting there. He and Maxie came for Thanksgiving. They’re together. Griff says a lot has changed since he left. She says especially Peter, but she thinks he still struggles with being Faison’s son. As much as she tells him that he’s not his father, he can’t allow himself to be happy. She asks how Griff is getting on, and he says work keeps him busy. He still has his faith. The other parts will fall into place when the time is right. Maxie asks if she’s interrupting, and Anna says, of course (🍷) not. Maxie thanks Griff for coming for Lucas. He says he wishes he could have done more in the short time he’s there; he’s leaving Port Charles tonight.
Elizabeth tells Scotty, the last time Franco did the memory transfer, it seemed like forever before he opened his eyes, and when he did, he had no idea who she was. He called her ma’am. Scotty says, that must have been brutal, and she says, this whole ordeal has been brutal. The good news is, it’s about to end. Cameron understands she’s trying to be hopeful for Franco, but he also knows she’s scared. Scotty says they’re all scared. Elizabeth thinks it’s possible to be both at the same time.
Peter tells Laura that he doesn’t have time. He’s there on important Invader business. She says, it’s about The Invader. She sent him an email, and he never replied. He asks, what’s going on? and she says, prisoner overcrowding at Pentenville. They’re considering early release of several prisoners. Her constituents are worried, and there’s been no coverage in The Invader. She expected better from him.
Andre tells Franco, the procedure is mostly out of his hands, but he’s going to work like hell to make sure he comes back as he really is. Suspicious dude comes in, and points a gun at Andre.
Ava says she thought the Valentin/Nina love story was one for the ages, but Nina says, not all love stories end in hearts and flowers. She’s hoping Ava keeps the information she’s giving her between them. Ava asks why should she? and Nina says she’s putting a lot on the line trying to prove herself to Ava. Ava says she wouldn’t worry. Even if she told Valentin, he wouldn’t believe her. Nina says if Ava gives Valentin even a little reason to distrust her, he’ll figure out her plan. Ava asks, who else knows?and Nina says, Jax. Ava says, and he wants the portrait. If Nina wants her help, she’ll have to enlighten Ava. Why do Jax, Valentin, and Nikolas want the portrait? And is Laura next? Maybe she’s just pretending to be Ava’s friend; Nikolas is her son. Nina is sure Laura doesn’t know Nikolas is alive, and if she’s looking for the portrait, it’s for Spencer’s sake. Ava asks why Nina is looking for the portrait.
Jax asks if Valentin is surprised he was invited to the wedding, and Valentin says, no. He’s Nina’s boss, and was invited to the first one. Why wouldn’t he be invited to the second one? Jax says he’s looking forward to it. Almost as much as he’s looking forward to Valentin getting to the point of why he’s there. Valentin says, Spencer. He’s in the dark, right? He’s unaware of the whole mad dash for Helena’s portrait and the codicil. He’s just living the life of the American teenager abroad. Jax says, lucky him, and Valentin wonders how Jax got dragged in. Why is he so desperate to get his hands on Helena’s portrait? If it’s not for Spencer’s sake, then whose?
Maxie tells Griff, that’s so soon. Anna asks Maxie if she and Griff can finish their conversation, and Maxie asks Griff to check in with her before he goes, leaving them to talk. Anna says she was hoping Griff would have a chance to meet Violet, but he says he’s sorry. The losses in Port Charles are still too fresh. She understands, and he hopes he can at least take her to dinner tonight. She says she’ll have to cancel her phlebotomy, and he says her health is more important. He promises to do better at staying in touch. She says getting emails from him is the highlight of her day. He’s doing such great work; for others, and for himself. Duke would be proud of Griff. She is. She tells him keep it up, and he tells her to take care of herself. They exchange I love yous and hug. Anna tells him not to be a stranger.
When Anna leaves, Maxie asks Griff if everything is okay with her, but Griff says they were just catching up. She says she wouldn’t mind some catching up herself, and he says he’d like that. He asks if she and Peter are official, and she says, that’s one way to put it. As of today, they’re officially living in sin.
Peter gives Laura his full assurance that the overcrowding issue will get full coverage in The Invader. She says she’s meeting with community groups and prison officials tonight and tomorrow. He tells her to email the details to him, and text him with updates. He gets in the elevator, and she tells him to at least get it in tomorrow’s website.
Elizabeth reminds Cameron of his playoff game against Sawyer. Their team was down by five goals. She asks if he was scared he was going to lose, and he says, for a while, it looked really bad, but they got more intense and focused, and in the end, they won. She says because they banded together, and turned the game around. She says that’s what they’re doing there. She has faith that between their hope, and Andre’s talents, this procedure will work. Cameron says, what about Scotty? He’s a lawyer. He sees things the way they are, not the way he wants them to be. What does he think is going to happen to Franco once he gets in the operating room?
Andre struggles with suspicious dude, who is now a gunman. The gunman drops his gun, and Andre jumps on him. Andre lands some good punches, and they continue to struggle as the procedure keeps going.
Jax asks if Valentin doesn’t think he has his own reason to want him to fall, and Valentin says, sure, but he also knows Jax isn’t acting alone. Who’s in Jax’s corner? Valentin thinks it’s Laura, acting on Spencer’s behalf. Jax asks if Valentin’s fishing expedition is going to take much longer, and Valentin says whatever they’re paying, he can top it. Jax says, it’s not about the money, and Valentin asks if there’s anything he can do to make peace between them. Jax says, no, and Valentin says he can only assume Jax is moving him out of the way so he can have Nina all to himself.
Nina tells Ava that she’s not interested in that Godforsaken portrait. They’re after the codicil that Helena hid inside. Ava says they’re finally getting somewhere. What codicil? Nina says Valentin’s father left a codicil to his will. It’s supposed to disinherit Valentin, and leave everything to Spencer and Nikolas, and it’s supposed to be hidden in Helena’s portrait. Ava says, that explains a lot, and Nina says, Valentin and Nikolas really want it, but if she and Ava get it, they’ll have a lot of leverage. Ava asks what Nina means by we; she hasn’t agreed to work with Nina. Nina is in love with Valentin, which clouds her judgement. Nina says she’s clear on this; Valentin and Nikolas don’t deserve it. If anyone deserves it, it’s Spencer. Or doesn’t Ava want to help Spencer anymore? She withdrew her statement, so Spencer’s wrongful death suit fell apart. She’s sorry, but Ava didn’t step up. Ava says it’s a mistake she deeply regrets. Spencer should have had peace after losing his father. Nina says, but he didn’t lose his father. Nikolas is alive and wants the portrait. Does Ava want to give it to him? Does she want to give it to Valentin, or does she want what’s behind door number three?
Maxie tells Griff that she and Peter are living together. He congratulates her, saying, they’ve made quite a U-turn. She says, a little of Griff rubbed off on her. All that talk about forgiveness, redemption, not judging, and not casting the first stone. It turns out he was right. He asks how she and Peter got together, and she says they found a connection; first friendship, then more. And it’s not because Peter is Nathan’s half-brother or James’s uncle. They connected on a level she didn’t think she could still reach after Nathan died. He says he’s happy for her, and she says, it took a while. They messed up for a couple of months. They’d get close, then one of them would chicken out and take a step back, but they were finally able to admit their feelings for each other. He says she deserves it, and she appreciates that. She wants Griff to trust he’ll find love again. It won’t replace Kiki or what they had, but they’ll make something new. Laura comes in, and says she’s sorry to interrupt. Maxie says she just said the same thing to Anna; everyone is happy to see Griff. He’s there to help Lucas. Laura says it’s kind of him, and she’s sure it’s a comfort to Bobbie. He says they’re praying for the best; it’s all they can do really. Maxie suggests calling Peter; maybe they can all have dinner. Laura says she just ran into Peter at the hospital, and he barely had time to talk to her.
The gunman gets the better of Andre, and knocks him out. I say, sh*t! He goes over to Franco. Peter walks in, and picks up the gun. The gunman asks what he’s doing, and Peter takes the silencer off of the gun.
Scotty tells Cameron that he has to be honest; he’s scared too, like Elizabeth, but they have to hope. They have to have faith, and believe this is going to work.
Anna comes in, and goes to the reception desk to check in for her phlebotomy appointment. A gunshot is heard, startling everyone. Anna tells the reception nurse to call 911, and tell them there’s an officer on the scene, but to send back up. Elizabeth tells Anna, it sounded like it came from the OR. Anna takes out her gun, and jets. Elizabeth tells Scotty to take care of Cameron, and Scotty pulls Cameron away, despite his protests. Elizabeth follows Anna, and Scotty shoves Cameron into an examining room. Cameron says he has to be with his mom, but Scotty says, they have an active shooter out there. Cameron doesn’t care, but Scotty says he’s not letting Cameron put himself in danger.
Anna busts into the OR, and says, don’t move. Peter says, don’t shoot; he’s unarmed. He tells her the gunman is right there. She sees him lying on the floor, kicks the gun away, and asks, who fired? Peter says, he was just walking by… Elizabeth runs in, and goes to Franco. Anna asks Peter, what happened? but he says he doesn’t know. He came in, and Andre was unconscious. Anna asks if Andre is okay, and Andre says he will be. Elizabeth checks the gunman, and says, he’s still alive.
Jax opens the door, and Valentin says Jax has always been after Nina. He doesn’t blame Jax. She’s brilliant and beautiful, but she’s taken. Jax says Nina is his associate, and he respects her. Valentin says he just happened to be outside the church that day to whisk her away after the wedding, and he just happened to be available to bring her to Windymere the next morning. Jax says, they’re done here, and Valentin says whatever happened between them that night, that’s the last time. Make sure he’s at the wedding. He wants Jax to see who she’s chosen.
Jax closes the door, and Nikolas comes out. He asks if Jax still wants to call it quits, or help him out. Jax tells him, just find his damn ring, and walks out. Nikolas slams the door.
Ava tells Nina, aside from righting the wrong she did to Spencer, she doesn’t see what teaming up with Nina gets her. Nina asks if she doesn’t want to see Valentin lose, and Ava says, who wouldn’t? But as Nina pointed out, the painting is leverage against Valentin and Nikolas, and she has the painting. Nina says, for this reason. Ava forgot she has this. She takes out the ring, and says Ava checked herself into Shadybrook, claiming she saw dead people. What’s going to keep Sonny from taking away her one remaining daughter?
Maxie apologizes for Peter being short with Laura, saying, sometimes he’s so focused on work, he doesn’t realize he’s being rude. Laura says she didn’t take it personally. She just wanted The Invader to be aware that she’s having a meeting tonight about criminal justice reform, and it’s important to get that out to the public. Maxie says she’ll make sure Peter follows up. Laura asks if she can count on them to join her, but Griff says he’s leaving tonight. Laura says, that’s too bad, and Griff says he would have liked to see Lulu. He asks how she is, and Laura asks how much time he has. A lot has changed in Lulu’s life since he left town. Dante volunteered for an undercover assignment with the WSB, and it was rough. He came home with a terrible case of PTSD. He’s in a facility, receiving treatment, but he and Lulu are divorced now. Griff is sorry to hear that, and asks about the kids. Laura says, Rocco is taking it pretty rough; Charlotte, not so much. She misses Dante, but still has Valentin, for better or worse. Jax walks in, as Griff says, Charlotte still has her father. Laura says, loving Charlotte is about the only good thing Valentin does. Jax says, hello, and Griff introduces himself. Jax asks if he heard them mention Charlotte, and Griff asks if he’s a friend of Valentin’s. Maxie says, hardly, and Griff asks how he knows Charlotte. Maxie asks if anyone told Jax how Lulu came to have a child with Valentin, and Jax says he thought it was probably more tactful not to ask. Griff says, for a time, he thought he was Charlotte’s father, and Jax asks if he and Lulu were involved. Maxie says, it’s way more convoluted than that. Laura says, Charlotte was carried by a surrogate, and Maxie adds, a shady lady named Claudette. Jax asks where Valentin fits in, and Maxie says she’s getting to that.
Nina says Ava has been trying to tell people Nikolas is alive, but without the ring as proof, nobody is going to believe her. Ava asks if she’s really lost that much credibility, and Nina says she’s been on a long, downward spiral since Kiki was killed, and she was poised to follow. She gets it. The anger, the hate, the sadness; they have that in common. She’s sorry for everything she did to Ava, but they can change this. They can turn it around. They have Nikolas’s and Valentin’s fate in their hands. Doesn’t it feel good. Ava says follow her. She shows Nina a painting, and removes a layer. Underneath is Helena’s portrait. Nina smiles.
Cameron asks how long they’re supposed to wait, and Scotty says Elizabeth will come get him. Cameron says they haven’t heard anything for a while, but Scotty won’t let him leave. He says Cameron’s mother would have his head, and Franco would kill him if he put Cameron in harm’s way. He knows Cameron is upset, and he’s the horrible step-granddad, but come soccer season, he’ll be the granddad on the sidelines, cheering Cameron on. He wants to be out there too, but they can’t. Not until everything has been neutralized. Cameron asks what do they do in the meantime? Think happy thoughts until the shooter goes away? Scotty says, why not? He’ll think about how he felt when he found out Franco was his son. Cameron says, what was that like? and Scotty says, it was kind of a nightmare.
Elizabeth asks how Andre feels, and Andre says, a little hazy. She asks if he knows what happened, and he says he started the program, and heard the OR doors open. He turned around, and a man was standing there with a gun in his hand. He rushed the guy, they struggled, and the gun fell to the ground. Andre lunged for it, and it must have been when the guy knocked him out. That’s the last thing he remembers until seeing them. Anna asks how Peter knew something was going on, and Peter says he wanted the story for The Invader. Out of respect for the family, and to make sure no boundaries were crossed, he decided to come there and do the story himself. He was headed for the waiting room, and saw a guy in scrubs. Something seemed off about him. He was lurking, and it seemed like he didn’t want anybody to notice he was there, so Peter waited and watched. Andre says, good intuition, and Peter says he knew Andre had been attacked once before, so when he saw the guy come in, he followed to make sure everything was okay. When he came in, Andre was unconscious, and the guy was standing over him with a gun. They fought, but the guy kept coming at him. He just reacted, and shot him. He didn’t know what else to do. Andre says Peter saved his life, and thanks him. Elizabeth says, what about Franco? His vitals are good, but is the program still running? What’s happening to him?
Nikolas flashes back to being with Ava at Shadybrook, and pulling his hands away from hers. He says, she grabbed his hand. The ring is in her room at Shadybrook.
Nina says, it’s been here the whole time, and Ava says, hiding in plain sight. Nina says she’s brilliant, and Ava agrees. Nina says she’s always hated this picture. It seems benevolent, but the more you look at her, the more vicious she becomes. Ava says, because she’s got a secret, and Nina says, she’s got the codicil inside. Maybe they should cover it until they plan their next move. Ava says she already has. She says she knows exactly what they’re going to do next, and calls Nina partner.
Valentin arrives at the MetroCourt, but sees Jax with everyone, and walks back out. Jax says, so Valentin hired a surrogate who gave birth to Charlotte, then posed as her mother and took off with her. Griff says, Claudette was complicated, and Maxie says, she was a pathological liar. First she tried breaking up Maxie and Nathan, then told Griff that he was Charlotte’s father. Griff says imagine his surprise when Valentin came in, and Charlotte ran to him, calling him papa. Jax says that must have been hard for Griff, and Laura says, it still is. Imagine how Lulu felt, finding out she had a daughter and she’d missed the first years of her life. Jax asks, what happened to Claudette? and Laura says, sadly, she committed suicide. Griff says he doesn’t believe it. He accepts Claudette is dead, but doesn’t believe it was suicide. She had her share of problems, but loved life too much to have killed herself.
Scotty says he doesn’t have to tell Cameron about Franco’s reputation, does he? and Cameron says, it’s all over the internet, and Franco kidnapped Aiden when he was little, so… Scotty says, that was before the tumor was removed. He was worried about his own reputation, so he distanced himself from Franco. Cameron says he did a lot of that himself when Franco started seeing his mother. Scotty says, this whole thing stinks right now. They’re waiting on the procedure, and there’s a lunatic out there with a gun. Cameron tells him not to jump to the worst case scenario before they know what’s going on. Anna knocks at the door, and tells them, the gunman has been subdued. Scotty asks if he’s alive, and she says, he’s in surgery. Franco is unharmed, and Elizabeth is with Andre. They’re trying to figure out what’s going on with Franco and this whole procedure. Scotty asks what went on? and Anna says, someone tried to kill Andre, and Peter saved him. Scotty tells Cameron, let’s get out of here.
Peter wipes the silencer clean of prints, and ditches it in a trashcan. He joins Anna, Scotty, and Cameron, and Scotty says Anna told them that they owe him some thanks for intervening. Cameron asks if anyone knows why the gunman tried to kill Andre, but Anna says, not yet. Scotty says, someone tried to kill Andre when he came to town, the same day Drew died. Anna says, and someone tried to kill Andre today. Cameron thanks Peter for all their family, and Peter says he’s glad he could help, but it all happened so fast; he really didn’t do much. Anna asks if she can talk to Peter for a second, and they go around the corner.
Peter asks if there are any updates on the guy who tried to kill Andre. She says, he’s in surgery. He’s in critical condition.
Elizabeth asks Andre how it’s looking. Andre says, the gunman came in just as the program was starting to run. He wasn’t able to supervise or control any of it. She asks if there’s anything he can do to adjust it, but he says, no. The program just finished running. The screen says, program complete, and she asks if it worked. He says they won’t know until Franco wakes up. She asks Franco to wake up and come back to her.
Tomorrow, Julian says it’s all his fault, Nelle tells Martin that she has to get out of Pentenville immediately, and Sonny says he’s not going to sit around and watch his father die.
The Real Housewives of Orange County
You can dress them up, but you can’t take them out. And some, you can’t even dress up. <sigh>
The women get ready to go to a museum. The three amoebas amigas hang out in Vicki’s room. Tamra says they’re supposed to be going to someone’s house, and Shannon says, he better have good coffee.
Emily tells Gina and Kelly that Tamra sent a video of Vicki going in an ambulance. Kelly guarantees Vicki isn’t hurt. Vicki tried to bully her, and picked on her. Braunwyn says she’s tired of picking sides. Emily says she’s not doing that, but Kelly says, they make you feel like you have to. In her interview, Emily says it’s like high school, but instead of the senior girls hating her, it’s the senior citizens. In Braunwyn’s interview, she’s excited about going to Earnest Hemingway’s house. says she loves the time he lived in; they lacked moderation. She identifies. Tamra wonders who Hemingway is, and if he’s still alive. Vicki checks on her phone, and says he died in 1961, before Tamra was born. Vicki wonders why he still has a house. I don’t even know what to say. Even Max on 2 Broke Girls would know who Hemingway was. Tour guide Rusty greets them at the house. Kelly asks if that’s a lighthouse right next door, and Rusty tells her it was so Hemingway could find his way home from the bars. There are all kinds of unique artifacts in the house, including an original Picasso tchotchke. In her interview, the producer asks Kelly what her favorite Hemingway book is, and she says For Whom the Bells Toll [sic], so points for that, close enough. There are some cats hanging around, and Rusty says Hemingway loved six-toed cats. I actually knew that, so I give myself some points. Emily tries to pet one, but kitteh is not having it. They go outside to the pool. Rusty says there’s an insane story behind it, and Emily says, whatever the story is, Kelly has done worse. I’m pissed when we don’t hear the story. It’s probably going to be in some lost footage extra episode at some point. <another sigh>
Tamra checks Vicki’s leg, and asks if she can walk. Vicki says she can, and picks up a pair of crutches. She insists they must be two different heights, and doesn’t navigate them well. Eventually, she falls, but manages to stumble back to the bed. She slides to the floor, and laugh-cries. Shannon tries to demonstrate how crutches are used, and steps on Vicki’s foot.
After changing clothes, the women meet to do some water sports. Gina is wearing the same surfing top as Kelly, but doesn’t fill it out like Kelly. In Kelly’s interview, she says, Gina went platinum, but she shouldn’t stop at the hair. She needs to get herself some tatas. If she wants to fit in, she can’t have pancakes. She, Gina, and Emily are doing some jet skiing, while Tamra, Shannon, Braunwyn and Vicki go parasailing.
In her interview, Braunwyn says she thought the trip would be the perfect opportunity for them to all work through their issues, but the camp is divided. They’re separated by where they’re staying, separated at dinner, and in the cars. She misses Shannon and Tamra, although I can’t figure out why. It feels like she still doesn’t know Tamra.
Gina wails about fish being in the water. News flash, they were here first. And she’s from Long Island. She’s never seen the ocean or been to the beach? She doesn’t understand why there aren’t more people in the water. In her interview, she says, sharks and whales eat people. It seems inappropriate. Clearly, she’s a genius when it comes to marine life too. Shannon tells the boat captain that Vicki hurt herself running from the popo. On the jet ski, Gina says she’s nervous, and Emily says, mama’s got it. In Emily’s interview, she says she used to date a drug dealer, and he had a boat and lots of jet skis. The instructor, and brother to Captain Obvious, says it must be Gina’s first time. Kelly picks up a starfish, and freaks Gina out with it. I do remember dropping the first one I picked up, since I didn’t realize it would start walking around in my hand.
The instructor gives life jackets to Tamra and Shannon. We flash back to Shannon having a meltdown over the rope climbing course they did in a previous season. In her interview, she says, maybe the string will break. She and Tamra are lifted out, and Shannon repeats, be zen, to herself. She doesn’t know if she can look. Mind you, this is passive parasailing, where she and Tamra are seated, and it’s more like an amusement park ride. The instructor tells them, once they get up, relax. On the way back down, Shannon screams, no touching the water, but she’s not the boss of this, and they glide through it. She says she hates Tamra. Still on the jet skis, Kelly sees stingrays, and Gina sees a shark. In her interview, she says, this is how I die. Kelly still has the starfish, and I get pissed, since if you don’t put them back, they die.
Jet ski guy tells Gina, no one ever died from a hammerhead, but she doesn’t want to go near it. She’s never getting in water again. In her interview, Kelly imitates her and laughs. Tamra lets go of the handlebar, as the parasailing thing goes through the water, and Shannon continues to scream. Kelly gives Gina the starfish for support, and Gina feels better now that she has a weapon. I shake my head. Shannon checks parasailing off her bucket list, never to be done again.
Emily, Gina, and Kelly sit down for lunch. Gina says, shark and jail. Her top two terrible experiences in life. Kelly says Vicki is in a wheelchair. Maybe she should be in a convalescent home. Emily has to explain what that is to Gina, and I start to wonder if anyone even graduated high school. The other women go somewhere else for lunch, and Braunwyn tells them, Kelly admits that she has anger issues. She knows she has a problem, and thinks she should go to therapy. Tamra says, or shock treatment, once again proving her high level of sensitivity toward others.
Kelly wonders why Vicki hates her so much. She doesn’t know how Vicki can have so much hate. She doesn’t know what she did. Gina says the dinner cruise is going to be great. Vicki tells the others that she doesn’t get the girl code thing. Kelly’s ex wanted to date a friend of hers; so what? We flash back to Kelly saying that Vicki is the one who should have told her. Vicki says she thinks Kelly is still in love with Michael, and reinforcing her ignorance about what Kelly was actually angry about. Braunwyn asks if Tamra thinks they can still have a boat ride and have fun tonight, and Tamra says, doesn’t it sound like it?
The women meet at the dock, and have a drink. Tamra asks if everyone had fun, and Gina says, it was like shock therapy. Braunwyn thanks them for coming. In her interview, she says it didn’t go at all as she’d hoped. We flash back to all the screeching, and then more screeching. Tamra has gotten AF hates for everyone, and they put them on. Gina’s says, Single AF, but she thinks it should be Confused AF. Kelly’s says Krazy AF, and in her interview, she says, they want to poke the bear, and thrive on getting her angry. She’s tired of it. Emily tells Kelly, all she can do is handle her own reaction, and admits to flying off the handle too. She says she found herself being reactionary, and yelling in front of her daughter. Then she saw Annabelle yelling at her little brother the same way. She has to get it under control. Kelly suggests they go to anger management together. In Kelly’s interview, she says she gets defensive and reacts. She goes for the jugular, and doesn’t want to live life like that. She needs to learn how to walk away. She says she and Tamra have been in many fights, but Tamra is there to forgive when she screws up. Sure. So Tamra can pat herself on the back and gossip about it later. Kelly says she didn’t know how the Jim thing would affect Tamra, and should have called her. Tamra says she really had Kelly’s back, and Kelly says she knows. Tamra promises to never repeat anything they talk about, and Braunwyn says, a fresh start. She wonders if Vicki and Kelly can have a fresh start. Vicki says Kelly called her a pig, and Gina says, it will take time to heal. Vicki wonders how it’s going low when she does nothing back, but Tamra says, she did, and we flash back to Vicki consistently talking about Kelly and talking to the girl from the bar fight. Braunwyn tells everyone, don’t engage; take a step back. She’s going to get so drunk, they can blame her for everything
Back home, Braunwyn tells Sean there was a lot of drama and fights, but they had fun. They keep rolling. Get in a huge fight, just jump in a convertible, and puke out the side.
Shannon meets a party planner to talk about decorations for Vicki’s engagement party. Tamra gets impatient.
Gina and Sienna get their ceramic on at a pottery place. Sienna wants to be Batgirl when she grows up.
Eddie, Tamra, Braunwyn, Sean, Shannon, and Ken meet for dinner. Tamra tells Braunwyn that they don’t have many couple friends. In her interview, Shannon explains that Ken doesn’t live in California, but they’ve kept in touch. He’s in town, and they’re having fun. Eddie asks why the girls keep calling him babe, and Shannon says when they first went out, she called him that without thinking. Tamra says they had a lot of fun on the trip, and it makes her sad. Kelly and Vicki have known each other a long time. She hopes they can come to an understanding, and bury the hatchet. They’ve both gone dirty. It’s not like one is worse than the other. Shannon says going low causes long term damage. She went through that with Vicki. Tamra says Vicki did it to her and Eddie, and Shannon says she did it to David too. Tamra says, when she feels backed into a corner, she attacks. Shannon says Vicki and Kelly are alike that way. Tamra tells Shannon that Kelly and Emily are going to anger management together. Acknowledging anger is the first step. Maybe they can agree to disagree. In Shannon’s interview, she says she’s been in therapy a long time, and seen an improvement. One session isn’t going to change anything. In Tamra’s interview, she says, if Kelly doesn’t go to Vicki’s engagement party, she might regret it. If she can get back on track with Vicki, she knows Kelly can. Tamra says she invited Kelly to Vicki’s engagement party, but she might not go.
Kelly and Brian hit balls at the batting cages. Kelly gets four to Brian’s zero. She tells him that she talked to Tamra, who invited her to go to Vicki’s engagement party. Vicki keeps going after her, and these people are like Jekyll and Hyde. Brian asks if she thinks they can save the friendship. Is there anything left? Kelly says, no, and he says, then stop trying. Kelly says she’s done. In her interview, she says, why go? Vicki will be nice to her, then cut her, and then pour salt in the wound. Vicki wants to take her down. It doesn’t make sense. Brian tells her to think about priorities. Kelly asks what’s next for them, and he says they need to start looking for a place. She says she’s not moving in with him without being engaged. In Kelly’s interview, she says, Brian clearly has commitment issues, but she wants to do things the right way. If he can’t meet her criteria, bye Phillipe. Brian says they’re not getting tired of each other – yet.
In Gina’s interview, she says they’ve sold the Codo house. She looks around and sees happy memories, but there are also bad memories. She calls Susan, who compliments Gina on her shorter hair – which does look a million times better – and Gina says she took the extensions out, and is letting her hair get healthy. Good call. She tells Susan that they’re packing; the deal is going through. Both she and Matt are excited, and it will be a done deal in two weeks. Susan asks how it affected the relationship, and Gina says they’re not getting divorced. Susan says, wow, and I second that. Gina says, it’s the first time Matt has been in a fight for his family. They both get it now, and they’re more connected. In her interview, Gina says, they’ve been through a lot – we flash back to the main points in their relationship throughout Gina’s two seasons. She says she’s going to embrace this. Susan says she didn’t know Matt well. She knew the Matt that he wanted to present, but she knows him better now. He had a genuine moment when he found out Sienna needed to go to therapy. She could see in his face that he understood. Gina says, it was a wake-up call, and Susan says, marriage is hard work. If you hang in, you get to a special place where you know the person in a more complete way. In Gina’s interview, she says she’d be naïve to trust Matt 100%, but she’s doing her best to let go of the anger, and let her guard down. That’s the only way it’s going to work.
In her interview, Tamra says, Spencer broke up with his girlfriend, and he’s never had this kind of pain. Since then, he’s gotten four tattoos, and a septum ring, and he’s dyed his hair three different colors. Who is he? Ryan comes in, and Spencer says he looks like a struggling alcoholic with his shades on. Ryan says he’s struggling, but Spencer is already there. Tamra says they had their last conversation on social media. In Tamra’s interview, she says she wants her sons to sit down and talk it out. She wants everything normal again. Ryan says he didn’t anticipate some of the things Spencer said. Spencer has to be more understanding about how their upbringings and lives are different. Spencer says he’s grateful for what he’s gotten, and doesn’t try to take advantage of it. Tamra says, sounds good, and Ryan says, Spencer has done it in the past, but Spencer says he’s over it. He points out that Tamra has been pissed about work, and taking it out on others. In her interview, Tamra says someone is trying to rip everything away from her – we see media coverage of the lawsuit with Jim – and she’s been taking it out on Eddie and the kids. Spencer says they don’t talk that often, and Tamra says she’s been up until four the last few nights talking to him. Spencer says she just told him, get over it. In Tamra’s interview, she says she was on the phone with Spencer when she was in Florida, trying to help him with the break up. She doesn’t know where this is coming from. Spencer has a broken heart. He’s upset, and taking it out on her. Spencer thinks they should address it, and Ryan says the whole family is like that, and Tamra is no different than anyone else in the family. Tamra gets up, and says this is his family too, and it’s difficult on everybody. In her interview, she says Ryan isn’t speaking to his father. Spencer isn’t speaking to his father, and Sidney doesn’t speak to her. It’s the most dysfunctional functional family ever. Spencer says they crack jokes to deal with things.
Kelly and Emily meet with therapist Mike at the beach, and they sit. Kelly says she needs to learn how to walk away, and not let herself get angry. He asks what goals they have. If he waved a magic wand, what would they want changed? Emily says when her husband rubs her the wrong way, it makes her mad. She gets defensive, and she’s quick to snap at him. Sometimes, he deserves it, but not all the time. He asks where she thinks it comes from a hard childhood. Her dad left when she was young, and her mom was a single mother. Emily was angry as a kid. In Emily’s interview, she says she wondered why she had to put herself on the bus, why there was no lunch money, and why there was no food. Kelly says she had a good childhood, but her mom was combative, and had a sharp tongue. If you’re going to fight with her, game on. Emily says she noticed her six-year-old yelling at her brother, who’s four. She was really going at him, and it crushed Emily’s soul. She realized a change was needed, and she had to dig deeper and choose loving kindness. Mike tells them to close their eyes. Who do they see as the person who’s always easy to love? Kelly says, her daughter Jolie, and Emily says her three kids. He tells them to move on to the person or people who are most difficult to love. Emily says, her parents, and Kell says Vicki, Eric, and Michael. Mike tells them to say, may you be happy; may you be healthy; may you be peaceful. Kelly flashes back to Vicki giving her the finger, and says she wants to punch Vicki in the face. Ha-ha-ha! He says if they react, they’re letting them win. The ultimate winning is to cultivate calm. Emily says she realizes she’s hard on herself. She wants her kids to be perfect, her house to be perfect, and her husband to be perfect. She grew up in chaos. He says she has to learn to loosen her grip, with herself too, in order to learn how to be kind to other people. Kelly says it takes everything in her not to lose her sh*t with Vicki. She doesn’t want to hate Vicki, and wants to act with love and kindness. She wants her daughter to be a better form of her, and she’s an example. He tells her that when she Vicki says something, see her daughter in her mind’s eye, and do it for her. Kelly says, it’s brilliant. He asks what they can do differently, and Emily says she’s going to take what she learned home, and focus on a visualization of her kids. She wants to think of them being happy and healthy, and tell herself that she’s better than this. Mike wants to talk about Vicki. What are they doing at present; using avoidance? Kelly says she does try to avoid Vicki, and he says, change happens through experience. When people have a phobia, it’s not the idea of a snake, but the experience of seeing one, and the person realizing they’re not going to die, that cures it. Experiences profoundly change us. Emily says when she sees Vicki, she’s not going to let Vicki get her goat. She can deal with her. She can go with the tools she’s cultivated today. Kelly says she feels like Emily is at level 400, and she’s regressed to the GED level.
In Kelly’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to succumb to being vicious and angry. She wants to be more kind and loving, and hopes this works. Emily thinks it’s an opportunity for Kelly to prove Vicki wrong, and be classy. Mike says it’s the ultimate test, and Kelly has what it takes.
Next time – the finale – Emily wonders how much Matt has really changed, Vicki’s engagement party, Shannon is disappointed in Kelly, and Tamra yells eff you and runs off.
🎉 Happy Birthday, Dear Scotty…
Does anyone remember Kin’s brother Wil, who had a talk show for five minutes?
👋 Surprise Exit…
I can’t say I saw it coming either.
😧 He’s Been Refining His Worried Look…
I admit it. I actually got confused when I saw Griff, since I’d thought he was dead. Then I remembered, it was only an attempt.
💰 She Appreciates the Money Though…
And Andy probably loves it.
🔊 Can’t Say I Blame Them…
Oh, the horror. I doubt it’s the first time.
🚿 Get This Girl a Filter…
I guess having all those bathrooms has caused a full of it situation.
🍹 She Was Holding It For Someone Else…
Sure it was spiked. The part she left out is that she spiked it herself.
👑 There Can Only Be One…
The feud that pretty much ended Beverly Hills for me.
🎁 My Least Favorite Christmas Task…
But another one of my favorite Christmas songs. Seriously, I’m all for just smushing tin foil around the gift.