Tag Archives: Vanderpump Rules

May 22, 2020 – Luke’s Flashback, a Ton Of Tea, a Housewife Auction, 80’s TV, Fun Stuff To Do, a Movie, One More Than a Dozen Quotes & Spice It Up


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Today’s Friday Flashback GH – from April 1, 2015 – revisited when Luke went to the house he’d grown up in, and flashed back to April 1, 1963; the night he inadvertently killed his mother, and deliberately killed his father. It was also when Dee Wallace was on the scene as Luke’s sister Patricia.

🍊 Remember Her…?

You should. Jeana was one of my favorites on The Real Housewives of Orange County. An OG who only lasted a few seasons, she actually seemed to keep the real in the housewife. She and daughter Kara have seen their share of tragedies lately, but I’m sure Jeana considers her exit from the show a blessing.



🚗 With Peter In the Rearview…

Cynthia makes the best of a good situation.


🍬 My Gum Lasts Longer Than Her Relationships…

Oh wait. That one’s been used.


🍹 I’ll Take Charm For $100, Alex…

As if we’re not bummed enough.


😤 Good Luck With That…

Dorinda needs more than a life coach. She needs an anger-management-face-reality-stop-your-bullying-you’re-too-old-for-this coach.


💃🏻 She’s Movin’ On…

So is anyone going to make good on Vicki’s bet Jim and Meghan’s marriage wouldn’t even last four years?


👼🏾 She Sings Like an Angel…

I saw a millisecond of the RHOA Reunion, but even done virtually in quarantine, the women all talked at once. I couldn’t understand why Andy didn’t just cut some mics off. That would have been sweet. Their mouths moving, but nothing coming out. Like it is with sound, minus the sound. NeNe was still telling Kandi that she’d never amount to anything. The one who had a couple of small parts on two now canceled series, telling the Grammy winner who just won The Masked Singer that she’s a loser. Okay.


👗 Going… Going…

Bidding has already started, so get going.


📟 When Big Hair Ruled…

The 80s were the best!


🖇 Productive Boredom Busting…

For the crafty. I do a lot of amazing crafts myself. In my head. Hey, I made a Christmas wreath once, and it was pretty damn mediocre.


The good.


The bad-ass.


And the creepy.


🦍 Also recommended: Godzilla King of the Monsters, now on rotation on HBO, SHO or one of those O’s. Obviously, this is not something to watch for a great storyline, but if you’re craving special effects and giant creatures, this one’s for you. And they’re all in it. Mothra, Rodan, King Kong, a bunch of monsters who I have no idea who/what they are, and the king himself – Elvis Godzilla. I used to love those movies as a kid, and this is one of those times one hundred.

🦜 Quotes of the Week

We’re breaking the law; we don’t want to work with criminals. – Destiny (Constance Wu), Hustlers

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun. – Amy Poehler (I actually beg to differ on this one.)

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.Joe Klass

Lana is real; anything can happen. – Annie Suwan Toborowsky, 90 Day Fiancé: Pillow Talk, referring to a woman showing up who we all thought was a catfish.

Consistency is the true foundation of trust. Either keep your promises or do not make them. – Roy T. Bennett

With great power… comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later. – Rick Riordan

Aside from Dreidel, Dreidel, and that Adam Sandler thing, it’s an untapped market. – Arthur Spooner (Jerry Stiller), King of Queens, referring to Hanukkah songs.

I know that if we are to live with ourselves there comes a point at which we must relinquish the dead, let them go, keep them dead. – Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

I cannot compromise my respect for your love. You can keep your love, I will keep my respect. – Amit Kalantri

There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one’s self, the very meaning of one’s soul. – Edith Wharton

If you always do what is easy and choose the path of least resistance, you never step outside your comfort zone. Great things don’t come from comfort zones. – Roy T. Bennett

In every age, the good old days were a myth. No one ever thought they were good at the time. For every age has consisted of crises that seemed intolerable to the people who lived through them. – Brooks Atkinson (Boy, is that not the truth.)

How tall am I? Honey, with hair, heels, and attitude, I’m through this damned roof!RuPaul

🌦 Trying To See Blue Sky…

It’s not looking good for my older dog, so if you’re so inclined, say a prayer for my little man; that if our time together is at an end, he go gently into this good night, to wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge. On the upside, my girl who had an old roughhousing eye injury come back to haunt her, is much improved and doing well.

Until we meet again, stay safe, stay human, and stay marching to the beat of a different drum. And add a little spice to your Memorial Day weekend.

May 19, 2020 – Waiting For Sonny’s Permission, VanderFinale, Don’t Knock & Buzzard Shower


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Carly, Michael, and Willow go to the MetroCourt. Michael wonders why Diane stayed behind, and Carly says she’s probably telling Nelle’s attorney to drop the suit, since Nelle married the least desirable man in Port Charles. Willow wonders why Nelle did it, but Carly says it’s not about what Nelle did wrong; it’s about what Michael and Willow are doing right for Wiley.

Sonny asks why Julian is throwing in with them, but Julian says he doesn’t answer to Sonny. He starts to go, but Sonny says Julian isn’t leaving; the conversation’s not over. Jason stands on Julian’s other side.

Nina finds Nelle at the Crimson office, and says she thought the custody hearing was today. Nelle says they’re on a break, and she stopped by to change. Long story. Nina goes into her office, and Nelle follows. Nelle says she also wanted to double-check on Nina testifying on her behalf. Nina says, the thing is… and Nelle says she’s fighting stay in her son’s life, and thought Nina would understand. Nina says she’s been thinking about the situation a lot, and reexamining her own. She’s going to find her child. She believes her daughter is alive. Nelle says she’s thrilled for Nina and her daughter. She knows Nina’s daughter will see Nina for who she is; the gold standard of moms.

On the phone at Charlie’s, Elizabeth tells Franco, sorry to be bailing, but she doesn’t think she’ll be able to see him before work. He says he’s had no chance to apologize properly. She says  he did; he apologized right away. He says, of course (🍷) he did, but he thinks this requires a bigger gesture. She says she’s over it. She had a nice talk with Nikolas, and he gave her perspective as to what art means to her, and the value of her work. Franco says, princely, but Elizabeth says, he’s just being a friend. He asks if Nikolas has found her sister, or is Hayden still in hiding? and she says she’ll see him later. They exchange I love yous. Scotty sees that Franco has a bouquet, and asks if the flowers are for him. He thinks Franco must have done something stupid, or said something stupid. Franco says he couldn’t make it up to Elizabeth, and Nikolas beat him to it. Scotty says, it figures.

Nikolas shows Mike pictures of Spencer, but gets no response. He asks if Mike remembers his grandson.

Franco asks what Scotty means by, it figures. Scotty says he thinks Nikolas would do better in cheering Elizabeth up. They have a history that goes way back to when they were kids. Franco asks if Scotty has a point, and Scotty says, it’s all about the time they’ve spent together. If Elizabeth gets confused about anything, and needs reassurance, she might turn to Nikolas if Franco botched it up. Franco says, it’s ancient history, and has no bearing on the present day, but Scotty says he wouldn’t trust Nikolas, especially when it comes to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth watches as Nikolas tells Mike, Spencer is in Europe. He’s quite a character; unforgettable, like Mike. Spencer has found a finely tuned sense of right and wrong, and to be honest, he was more flexible when he was younger. Nikolas might have questionable ethics, but Spencer is a good boy. He hopes Spencer comes back someday. He tells Mike, hang in there. In the hallway, Elizabeth says she overheard him with Mike, and he says he was hoping Spencer might spark something. It looks like the illness has taken its toll, but it was worth a try. She’s guessing Nikolas hasn’t heard from Spencer since his letter, and he says he couldn’t bring himself to tell her, since he knows she’s disappointed in him. She says it doesn’t matter how she feels, and he says, it matters more than she knows. He says he’s been working on the other piece of advice she gave him; that he look at the part of himself that was worthy of her friendship. She says she can tell, or he wouldn’t be there with Mike. He says he didn’t know she was going to be there, but she says she sees him trying to be a better person and reconnect, and she appreciates it.

Diane tells Carly, sorry for the delay, and Carly asks if there’s any chance Diane negotiated an out of court settlement. Diane says she let Alexis know that her sleazebag of an ex married Nelle. Nelle heard about Michael and Willow getting married, and wanted to level the playing field. Carly says, and she chose Julian? and Michael asks if it won’t hurt her case. Martin walks in, and tells them not to count their chickens before they hatch. Nelle and Julian are making a nest for Wiley, just like Michael and his newly wedded wife.

Sonny asks what Nelle has on Julian, and Julian says, not a damn thing. Sonny says, he loves her? and Julian says when he was Wiley’s grandfather, it brought Lucas back into his life. Sonny says he buys that Julian loves Wiley, but that doesn’t explain why he married Nelle. Julian says, Nelle loves Wiley in her own way. She came into his bar, ready to cause trouble, and they started to talk. One thing led to another, and they clicked. They decided to form a team to make a good home for Wiley. Sonny says, if it’s that simple, get rid of his wife. Annul the marriage now.

Nina asks when Nelle is due back in court, and Nelle says they’re on lunchbreak. She needed to change out of her wedding dress. Nina says, her what? and Nelle says, Michael married Willow to get a leg up in the custody case. She had to fight fire with fire. Nina asks who she married, and Nelle says Nina knows Julian, right? Nina says she does. He originally hired her to take over the magazine. She had no idea he and Nelle were in a relationship. Nelle says Nina knew Brad, and he used to be her friend. She thought they were friends anyway. Julian was Brad’s father-in-law when Brad stole her baby, and Julian thought Wiley was his grandson. Nina asks if they were dating, but Nelle says, that’s not what it was like. She was already a wreck when she found out Michael married Willow, so she went to Charlie’s to grab a glass of wine. She and Julian got to talking, and realized it would be absolutely terrible if Wiley wasn’t in their lives anymore. So they decided to get married. Nina says, so it’s a ploy to get custody of Wiley.

Diane tells Martin, she’s curious, and he says he’ll be happy to enlighten her if he can. She says Julian’s rap sheet is longer and more colorful than his client’s; why choose him? He says, love operates in mysterious ways. He’s sure Michael and his bride of less than 24 hours can attest to that. Willow says she and Michael were friends long before this, and have been taking care of Wiley his entire life. Diane says she has a photo gallery to back that up, and Michael says Willow went to jail to protect Wiley from Shiloh, the other psycho Nelle married. Carly says, Willow has proven she’ll do just about anything for Wiley, and Martin says, including marrying Michael himself. Like Michael isn’t the best catch in town.

Julian tells Sonny, he’s not annulling his marriage because Sonny said so. It might be difficult to grasp, but Sonny doesn’t get a say in his life. Sonny isn’t in his life period. Sonny says, if the game Julian is playing is to sway the judge to grant partial custody to Nelle, he’s going to hold Julian responsible. Julian asks if Sonny speaks for Jason too. He might not be Wiley’s grandfather, but he’s still Danny’s grandfather. Jason says, and? Julian says he’s just checking to see if it mattered. Sonny says Julian needs to do what needs to be done before it’s too late, and he and Jason leave.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas, Mike is like this a lot. Nikolas says he feels bad; he should have visited sooner. All the things he should have done; he has so many steps to go in the right direction. She says, for what it’s worth, she feels better about the art thing with Franco. He asks if they made up, and she says, kind of. Franco is super sorry. Not bad for someone who was once incapable of it. Franco reminds her of Ava. Nikolas says, touché. He asks if it doesn’t bother her that Ava is exploiting Franco’s past, and she says Ava and Franco have a history; why not exploit the past? If it goes well, they can start a new venture. Nikolas agrees, and she asks, what’s going on? His tone makes it sound like something is up. He says, he just senses Ava and Franco have been getting closer in their sessions.

Franco asks Scotty if he shouldn’t trust his wife, but Scotty says, no. Don’t trust Nikolas, especially where Elizabeth is concerned. Franco asks, why? Does he think Nikolas is going to try and win Elizabeth back? Scotty says he knows Elizabeth loves Franco. She worships him, and cherishes him. Franco says he senses a reversal is coming soon, and Scotty says, when Franco belittles and dismisses her about her art… Franco says, there it is, and Scotty says, what he’s telling Franco is to keep an eye on Nikolas. He motions Franco closer, and says, when it comes to Ava, Nikolas is in over his head. Ava will make him nuts, and when she does, he’ll go right to Elizabeth; his tried and true old relationship. Why? Who knows? Franco says, why wouldn’t he, right? Franco doesn’t care. It’s not going to lead to anything; they’re fine. And even if they’re not, she’s not going to fall for Nikolas’s smarmy Prince Charming act. Scotty says, it wouldn’t be the first time, and Franco says, even if she did, she wouldn’t do that to him. Scotty says Franco is right. He’s just saying that because it happened to him. When it came to Laura, who knew letting her work at a disco at night with her friend Luke would go wrong? Franco asks if Scotty is saying he shouldn’t trust his wife, and Scotty says, verify things.

Nikolas says he’s hanging onto hope that Spencer will forgive him, and Elizabeth suggests he do what Spencer asks – leave Ava. It’s 90% of his money, but… He says, the remaining 10% is earmarked for Spencer, and she says, there you go. He’ll have Spencer back in his life, sacrificing his money for his son. Sonny and Jason show up, and Nikolas says he finally got around to visiting Spencer’s grandfather. Jason goes in to see Mike, and Sonny tells Nikolas that he’s heard from Spencer. Nikolas asks how Spencer is doing, and Sonny says, he’s wondering why he hasn’t heard from Nikolas. He gave Nikolas an ultimatum; just cut Ava off. Why didn’t he? Nikolas says, it’s not as simple as it sounds. Sonny says Nikolas dug his own grave when he married Ava.

Martin says, if Nelle’s union is suspect, Michael’s is equally so. Perhaps more. Willow will do anything to stay close to Wiley. Willow says, what about Julian? He’s putting Wiley at risk, marrying a known sociopath who went to prison because she let her fiancé drown, and tried to kill her baby’s father. Martin says she’s throwing a lot of slander around, and she says take her to court. She’d love him getting an independent expert to prove her wrong. She bets he can’t find one. She wonders how he can even consider representing Nelle. He says, what a marvelous maternal temperature she has. Michael gets in between them, and says, it’s time to regroup. Willow leaves with Michael, and Carly tells Martin, Julian wouldn’t marry Nelle unless she had something on him. Everyone saw the look on his face; he’s miserable. Martin asks if it’s just him, or is the hypocrisy level staggering? Diane says, he took a big fat retainer to help Nelle use an innocent child. Martin asks how different Nelle is, hooking up with a humble pub owner in order to be closer to her son?

Nelle tells Nina, what she’s doing is no different than what Michael is doing, but Nina says he and Willow have a friendship and a deep bond, and Willow has a strong bond with Wiley. Nelle says, Willow isn’t his mother, and she has no right to him. Nina is out there looking for her daughter; she understands the connection of a mother to a child. Nina says, there’s no relationship where Julian is concerned. Nelle says, Wiley is a baby, and loves him, but Nina asks, what about the tension? Nelle says, there won’t be any. All that matters is Wiley will be with her and not Michael. Marriages like this happen all the time. Nina says she had a quickie marriage with one guy to spite another. Her husband was in cahoots with her mother, and they gaslighted Nina, and put her in an institution to steal her money. She doesn’t want any of that happen to Nelle. Nelle says, Julian would never do that, and Nina asks how she knows. Nelle says, if he did, it would seriously backfire, and Nina asks, what does that mean?

Sonny asks Jason how Mike seems, and Jason says, he’s sleeping. Elizabeth says, Mike’s caregivers said he might sleep fifteen or sixteen hours a day. Sonny goes into Mike’s room, and Jason asks Elizabeth, what’s really going on with Mike? Sonny tells Mike, it’s him. How about those Yankees? After he left, they won. Maybe Mike could bring some of that luck to Michael for his custody hearing today. Does Mike remember? A long time ago, they thought Michael’s son was dead, and when Mike met Wiley, Mike insisted he was Michael’s son. They thought he was confused, but it turns out he was right. Wiley is Michael’s son. Mike’s got to stick around. Does he want to do that? Sonny gets closer to Mike, but Mike only sort of looks at him.

Sonny tells Mike that Michael is fighting hard to bring Mike’s great-grandson home so he can share his life with him. The way Sonny couldn’t share his life with Mike. Sonny tears up, and says, when he brought Mike home from Brooklyn to Port Charles, he thought they would have a lot more time to spend to make up for the lost years. Come on. Doesn’t Mike want that?

Elizabeth tells Jason, she’s had experience with people like Mike; sleeping a lot, refusing to eat. Mike is done fighting, and wants to let go. She thinks he’s just holding on for Sonny’s sake.

Nina tells Nelle, she knows Julian presents himself as a changed man, but he was involved in organized crime. He’s a dangerous man. He’s only in it for himself. Nelle says Julian values his life too much not to play by her rules. Nina asks how Nelle got him to agree, and Nelle tells Nina, she’ll just say that Julian knows the marriage is best for everyone, especially Wiley.

Carly tells Martin, the difference between the couples is, Michael and Willow want a safe and happy environment for Wiley. Nelle just wants to use him, and kids sense these things. Diane says, Carly is right. Michael and Willow will give Wiley a stable, loving home. Everyone knows that, and so does he. Save the theatrics for the court before he runs out of hot air. He says their time is running tragically short; can he get an order to go? Carly says, why order when he can just go? and he asks if he can quote her in an online review. She says he wouldn’t be the first. Diane says, if he thinks Julian is a surprise witness for her, there are questions she’s been waiting to ask Julian under oath for years. For instance, does he love this wife as much as his previous one? Is Martin aware that Julian held a knife to his wife’s throat, and threatened to kill her because he loved her. If he does that to a wife he loves, imagine what he’ll do to one he’d rather not have.

Nikolas hits the bag at the boxing gym. Franco comes in, and Nikolas says, funny, running into him there. Franco asks if Nikolas doesn’t think it’s important for him to be strong, and Nikolas says, it’s not that. He just saw Elizabeth at Turning Woods. Franco asks how soon Elizabeth is going to forgive Nikolas, and Nikolas says, they’re getting there. That’s not a problem, is it?

Elizabeth tells Jason, everything Sonny wants to do to keep Mike alive, like the feeding tube, will only prolong the inevitable. In her experience, it will also make Mike miserable. She’s sorry to tell him that, and Jason says that’s why he asked her. He knew he’d get a straight answer. She says, if Sonny wants to spare Mike any more pain, and ease his passing, he needs to give his father permission to go.

Sonny tells Mike, he doesn’t know what Mike wants him to do; what Mike wants him to say to the doctors. He tells Mike, keep sleeping, and he’ll come by tomorrow, and ask him again. He kisses Mike’s forehead. Mike moves his hand, but Sonny is already going out the door. Sonny tells Elizabeth, Mike seems more tired than usual, and fell asleep. Elizabeth says she has to get to work. She’ll come back later to check on him. Sonny thanks her for being nice and being there for Mike, and she says, of course (🍷). She leaves, and Sonny asks Jason what he missed.

Franco asks Nikolas why he would have a problem with Elizabeth forgiving him. She’s a very forgiving person, and he has no problem. Nikolas says, as long as he’s sure, and Franco asks why he wouldn’t be. Nikolas says, some men don’t like their wives having male friends, and Franco says his wife can be friends with whoever she chooses. He trusts her completely because they have a solid marriage. Nikolas says, of course (🍷) they do, and Franco asks what that means. Nikolas says, it means Franco and Elizabeth have a solid marriage. Franco says, it’s nothing like Nikolas and… never mind. Nikolas says, what? and Franco says, like Nikolas and Ava. Nikolas laughs, and Franco says, the only not funny thing about them is the post-nup. Nikolas asks how Franco knows about that, and Franco says Ava is a dear friend, like Nikolas is with Elizabeth. Ava’s been through a lot. Nikolas says Ava has told him some things, but she still has difficulty opening up to him. That’s why he’s grateful she has Franco to lean on. He actually enjoys listening to Ava, but she doesn’t enjoy talking with him, and Franco can get her to open up.

Nina says, Nelle is blackmailing Julian, and Nelle says, they made a deal; that’s all. She had to resort to desperate measures to ensure being a mother to her son. Nina understands, doesn’t she? What they have to do as mothers to keep their children safe? Nina’s daughter is hers, and Wiley is Nelle’s, and no one should be able to take them away.

Diane wonders who the judge will go for. Michael and the woman who went to jail for protecting her child, or an alleged mobster, and a woman who tried to murder two fiancés because they didn’t leave enough money on her dresser. Marin says, those comments are beneath her, and Diane says, sometimes, yes, but she’s talking about a gold-digger who married an alleged mobster. Martin says, people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Carly reminded him just this morning about who her husband is.

Sonny puts earbuds on Mike, and tells him to listen to the music. He tells Jason, maybe Mike’s memory will come back. Jason says he’s sorry, and Sonny says Jason doesn’t seem surprised. What did Elizabeth say to him?

Nikolas says he can’t tell Franco how much he’s looking forward to the unveiling, and Franco asks if he’s not going to try burning it down like Ava did Helena’s portrait. Nikolas says he’s sure his princess bride and Franco created something beautiful. Franco says Nikolas sounds confident for someone who hasn’t seen the portrait, and wasn’t a fan of his previous work. Nikolas says, it’s a new Franco, a new Ava, and a new day. He’s sure it will be a painting for the ages, and a party to match. He playfully punches Franco.

Carly says it’s Martin’s funeral, and he says, is that so? How does she mean that? She says figuratively, of course (🍷). How else would she mean it? He says, literally, and Diane says, it’s your funeral is literally a figure of speech. Attend to his newlyweds, and she’ll attend to hers. They’re due back in court. He says, and none of them got lunch; a pity. He hopes it  doesn’t make anyone cranky. He’ll see them in court. He leaves, and Carly tells Diane, she knows what Diane is going to say. Diane says, repeat after her. I must not issue death threats to opposing counsel. Trust her on this, and let her do the talking.

Michael pops back in, and Carly asks if he’s ready. He says, absolutely. He and Willow leave, and Carly sighs, turns around, and follows him out.

Nelle tells Nina, she has to go. They’re about to reconvene, and she’s so excited. Are they good? Nina is really her only friend, and she’d wanted to count on Nina this afternoon. Nina says she can do this for Wiley, and Nelle hugs her. Methinks Nina is going to do something for Wiley other than what Nelle thinks.

Franco goes to the hospital with the flowers, and tells Elizabeth, what he said was stupid. He’s sorry; forgive him. She says, there’s nothing to forgive. She told him, Nikolas helped her get over her insecurities about her art. He says he ran into Nikolas at the gym, and he seemed confident that he would be Elizabeth’s friend again. She says, he’s so lonely for friendship, and Franco asks how she’d categorize her relationship with Nikolas. She leaves to get water for the flowers.

Sonny tells Jason, music is good for cognitive function. The last time Mike was himself was when Brook gave him a concert at Turning Woods. He thinks it jolted Mike’s memories. Jason says, it was a while ago, and Sonny asks again what Elizabeth said to Jason. She’s a fantastic nurse, and Sonny respects her opinion. What did she say? Jason tells him, she said, when Alzheimer’s patients get to the place where Mike is – sleeping more than awake, not responding, and unable to eat – she said that usually means that they’re ready to go. She thinks Mike is just waiting for Sonny to give him permission.

Tomorrow, Elizabeth tells Franco that her feelings for Nikolas are complicated, like his for Ava; Ava asks Nikolas to choose his son or his fortune; and Julian tells Nelle, it’s not an option.

Vanderpump Rules

Dayna asks Brett how yesterday was, and he says, awesome. He felt weird leaving the dinner, and admits he’s interested in her, but that’s different than having feelings. In Dayna’s interview, she says she feels sh*tty about how Brett was screaming that he didn’t have feelings for her, but she knew he felt under attack and it didn’t come out right. She tells him what Scheana said seemed calculated the other night when she was throwing grenades. We flash back to Scheana saying Dayna and Brett shouldn’t have made out multiple times, and Dayna telling her, STFU. Dayna says she didn’t appreciate it, and it’s been back and forth all summer. In Dayna’s interview, she thinks Max loves the fact that his ex, a girl his best friend is interested in, and his best friend are feuding. Scheana asks why Brett is telling people she was trying to hook up with him when they did her video. He says she offered him a BJ, and she says she was joking. In her interview, she says no part of her wants to date him. She just used him as a piece of meat in her video. Dayna says the way Scheana was speaking at dinner made her uncomfortable, and she didn’t like Scheana’s conversation. Max made his bed. Scheana says, he’s hurt. In Dayna’s interview, she says, only a sex addict would say he has feelings for a girl, then screw five other girls, and try to get sympathy by doing her dirty. He’s trying to fill the hole in his heart by filling holes in other women.

Schwartz and Max go to Villa Rosa. In Schwartz’s interview, he says it’s Max’s first time there. Savor this, Max. He tells Max, don’t touch anything; she’ll know. They’re peasants. Schwartz tells Lisa that he’s missed her. Lisa says, the Hollywood Reporter is doing a profile piece on all of their businesses, and in her interview, she says they’ve done photo shoots for SUR, but this time, they’ll be using a couple of people from each restaurant. She tells Schwartz that everyone wants a big group shot, and they’ll have a drink afterward. She asks about James DJ’ing, and Schwartz says he has nothing but good things to say about James, who also had a moment at the pool party.

Ariana and Tom go to a spa, where Ariana is getting a beauty sculpt, and Tom is getting a facial. Ariana thanks Tom for cleaning the kitchen, and says they had a day and a half to pull off a party. She texted Brittany that she loves her, but not everybody has the same level of patience anymore. Tom says, Jax is an adult, and needs to act like one. In Tom’s interview, he says, it’s not a muscle flex. Jax expects a full investment, but only gives a fraction back. Ariana thinks everyone had fun.

Schwartz tells Lisa, he ended up going to Tom’s when Katie became the scapegoat for them throwing the party. Max says he didn’t go to either party, but he did go to Dayna’s comedy show. He had feelings for her, but she made out with his friend to spite him, and he’s frustrated. Lisa says he doesn’t like the fact that his friend took his chance of being with Dayna away, and Max says, maybe. Lisa tells them to promise there won’t be any sh*t aired in front of anyone. Schwartz wants to pinky swear instead of shaking hands, since it’s been a childish week.

Ariana tells Tom about Scheana texting Kristen about Stassi making fun of her house. Tom says, she was probably just making a joke, but Ariana says she doesn’t think it’s funny. STFU about how she’s living. Any time anyone has been over, they’ve been fed and had wine, and Stassi is acting like it’s cute to be mean. Ariana gets suction cupped on her thighs, and Tom gets some on his face. In Tom’s interview, he says there’s always new and innovative beauty technology to keep yourself looking young, and he likes to take advantage of that. He might as well stay looking as young as possible for as long as possible.

Stassi visits Lala, who’s making macaroons. She tells Stassi that she’s trying to be a housewife. In her interview, Lala says she loves her space, and has had no need to reside with a man. We see a clip where she tells Randall that keeping his toothbrush on the sink is not happening. She continues, saying, he is her fiancé. She should probably be living with her future husband. Brittany and Katie arrive, and in Katie’s interview, she says she and Brittany have never not spoken or had tension; it feels weird. They sit outside with some food, and Katie says, yesterday wasn’t normal. Kristen was sitting with Carter, and kept giving her dirty looks, and then texting her crazy sh*t like, go thrive and talk sh*t. In Stassi’s interview, she says Kristen does this when she’s bored. She makes sh*t up to get attention. Who uses the word thrive? Brittany says she’d told Kristen that she couldn’t bring Carter to their party, and Lala asks if they’re all good. Katie says they’re okay, but Brittany says, it’s so petty and got blown up. Katie says she was getting blamed for it. If Brittany wants to go there, when Katie rage texts, it’s not unfounded. She tells Brittany that she likes them, and Brittany suggests she try to get understanding. Katie says she’s done that. In Katie’s interview, she says, because she’s rage texted in the past, she should have no feelings now. We flash back to several times when Schwartz was on the receiving end of Katie’s texts. In her interview, she says she’s paid for what she’s done, and Jax needs to do his time. Brittany says, Jax messed up, but Tom is being petty. Katie tells her that Tom just said they have a pool, and if Jax was going to disinvite people, they could come to his house. There’s only one person to blame. Brittany says, Jax is struggling. He messed up on top of it, and he’s trying to fix it. He’s her husband, so they need to have respect for that.

James’s mom Jacqueline pays him a visit. In James’s interview, he says his relationship with his mom has been rocky for the past few years. We flash back to that, and he says she’s struggled with sobriety, but she’s been sober for six months, and still going strong. She tells him, it’s bad luck to cheers with water, and he wonders if he’ll never cheers again. She says he looks great, and he says, it’s been 45 days today. She says she should get the all clear on Friday. If she hadn’t gotten sober, she wouldn’t have gotten a job and had health insurance, which led to her getting a mammogram that detected cancer. Everything happened so fast, but it’s done. She had a double-mastectomy, and she’s really lucky that she’s not even sick. James cries, and says, it’s hard to talk about this. Jacqueline says she could tell he was holding it in at the hospital. In his interview, he says, finding out was the worst thing. His mother has had health issues before, and would deal with it by drinking. It’s the beginning of an amazing new era in their relationship. Jacqueline tells him that he doesn’t ever have to drink again, and he can have an amazing life. He says he couldn’t picture himself in that position, but Raquel saved him. In his interview, James says he owes everything to Raquel. He thought it was ridiculous when she asked him to stop drinking. He would never have found the person he is. It’s like he met someone new. He tells Jacqueline about Lisa asking him to DJ at SUR, and says maybe he’ll get his Tuesday nights back someday. She says he’s not letting up until that happens, and he says, why not?

In Beau’s interview, he says he wants a home by the time he and Stassi get married. Stassi will have to come up with the down payment, since he’s still living in the same rent controlled apartment he’s been in for years. He has a great job, but he can’t put 25% down on a house. He and Stassi look at a house, and Beau says, it has soul. Stassi loves the grounds, and the broker says it’s in a good school district, which they’ll pay a premium for. It’s going for $2 million. In his interview, Beau says he has some in savings, but not that much yet. Stassi wants a home with character, but Beau doesn’t think they should buy the first thing they looked at. She tells him that they have the party at TomTom later, and that Lisa is doing a photoshoot with a couple of different people from each restaurant. Beau says, that’s going to be at least forty people. Stassi says she used to do them for SUR. She’s glad she did it back then, since she was so hot. She was almost naked, but Jax was stuffing his pants with socks, and during the time Kristen had sex with Jax, he had to pose with Tom. She tells Beau that Jax and Brittany said they didn’t want to go to the TomTom event, but Beau says he bets they’ll show up.

Puffy! Lisa and Ken look at the new space along with Nick Alain and Schwartz. Nick shows them a mockup of the space, and it’s gorgeous. Schwartz says he’s amped about Nick’s vision. Tom runs in, apologizing for being late, and Lisa says, nice of him to show up. She says they have to make a decision; it’s crunch time. Are they going to keep it separate, or knock a hole in the wall? She’d be happy if they’re in, since she loves them, even if they’re a pain in her ass. We flash back to that, and she says, if they’re not in, she’s okay with that too. In his interview, Tom says, it’s tempting to use the money toward something else; it’s tough. He tells Lisa that he wishes she’d brought the checks… so they could rip them up, since it’s a definite yes. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, of course he’s all in. In Tom’s  interview, he says, of course he thought about what he could do with the money, but he’s definitely investing. Schwartz says he’s never felt better about shoving all the chips in the middle of the table. Lisa says, knock down that wall.

At TomTom, photographer Chris tells Lisa to be ready in thirty minutes. Puffy! Everyone trickles in. Brittany says she’s glad they’re all there. Karrah from Vegas has joined them, and Max says, it’s unbelievable. He’s rattled right now. We flash back to Lisa discovering he hooked up with Karrah in Vegas. He says, Lisa told him that she’d invited Karrah, but she loves playing jokes and making people stress out for fun. She was not lying. In Scheana’s interview, she says Karrah looks so much like her, down to her nose scrunch. She’s Scheana circa 2012. (It is really weird.) Lala wears her Vanderpump Dogs tank, and says she always has to give them Lala. Lisa says she’d better. Max tells Schwartz that they had a great first year, and they’re still doing great. Schwartz says he almost cried when they met with Lisa earlier.

The photographer starts to pose people. Lala says it’s the one-year anniversary, and asks Jax if he’s coming. Jax says he might stop by for an hour. He’s good with Schwartz, but they have nothing to talk about. So good – you stay there and I’ll stay here. Brittany says, there’s no point in fighting about anything anymore. Lala says she and James finished their song, and she really wants them to hear it. At least think about it. Ariana asks if she can talk to Jax, and Brittany leaves to get a drink. Jax asks how the party was, and Ariana says it was fun and chaotic. He says he wasn’t as upset as Brittany was; she took it to heart. Ariana says she hates that Brittany was put in that position, and Jax says Tom did the same thing to Stassi with the texts, but Ariana says, Tom atoned for that. Jax says, Tom likes to put his nose in other people’s business. He doesn’t know why Tom shared the texts, and Ariana suggests he take the high road. Jax says he’s a human being. He f***ed up, and he will again. In Ariana’s interview, she says, these aren’t mistakes. They point to a choice pattern; a personality. It’s who this person is. Ariana says she’s not going to argue; Tom is her boyfriend. She tells Jax not to go around saying she’s miserable, and he says if people ask him questions, he’s going to answer. She says he’s been saying things about her all summer. He says he has no clue what she’s talking about, and she tells him stop talking about her, her house, and what he thinks goes on there. Just don’t talk. She tells him, goodbye, and walks away.

The girls fix their outfits, and in Dayna’s interview, she says when she started at SUR, they made fun of her not wearing a bra. Now, they’re joking about their sweaty asses together. It’s pretty full circle. Max tells Brett that he’s sorry he disappeared, and wants to explain where he’s coming from. He feels betrayed, and maybe he’s been too lax telling Brett about how he felt about Dayna. Brett says he didn’t know Max would react that way, since he’s four girls past Dayna. Max says, it’s an open wound. He’s vulnerable, and it felt weird. He thought Dayna was being conniving and spiteful, and dating Brett to get to him. Brett says Max needs to have a conversation with her. The only people who aren’t straight are him and Dayna.

Brittany says she sees Dayna wore a bra. The photographer prepares to take a group shot, and Tom says, it’s like a selfie, so everyone cram in tight. Lisa says they’re all so beautiful. She doesn’t know how she got so lucky. She tells Jax he should be wearing his uniform, and he insists he doesn’t have one. In his interview, he says he’ll wear what he wants when he wants. He doesn’t like to be put on the same level as the others. Brittany tells him that he should have at least worn a black shirt. In Tom’s interview, he says, they’ve always worn a black button-down. Lisa tosses him a shirt, and it lands on Danica’s head. In his interview, Tom says, it’s classic Jax, doing what he wants. Jax puts the shirt on, but looks pissed in the picture. Ariana says, that’s a wrap. The other Max (Lisa’s son) says Jax got all riled up, and Jax admits he’s mad. Brittany tells him, don’t start, and he says, don’t antagonize him. In her interview, she says, when Jax is in a sassy mood, he’s short and snippy with her.

Lisa asks Jax, what’s wrong? and he says, same old. She says, it’s not the same old, and he says he had a bad day; a bad couple of weeks. He gets angry. She asks, what about? and he says he goes off on people sometimes, and gets out of control. It’s been the biggest year of his life. She asks why he’s not happy, and he says he asks himself that question every day. On paper, he has a wife and a house, and he’s healthy. She wonders what’s going on in his brain, and he says, when you injure your leg, you put an ACE bandage on it. She says he hasn’t injured his brain. Take care of his wife. He says his marriage is great, but she says, it’s not great. He’s got a habit of being self-destructive, and needs attention. Four weeks ago, it was all about Jax. Now that he’s married, that’s different. He insists it has nothing to do with his marriage, and she says, it will. He says, that’s why he’s trying to fix it.

Getting ready for the TomTom party, Schwartz says he can’t believe it’s been a year. It’s surreal that he’s contributed to that with Tom. James sets up the DJ booth with Max helping. Randall arrives, and says he missed them. Ariana tells Katie that Kristen is going to be there, and she thinks Kristen is bringing Carter, since they’re dating exclusively. Katie says, Kristen finally made a decision. Max tells Karrah that he was thrown off by her showing up. He didn’t know she would be there. Katie tells Stassi that Kristen made it exclusive with Carter. In Stassi’s interview, she says they were called bad friends because they weren’t there through Kristen’s break-up, but the break-up was bullsh*t; they were never separated. Kate says Kristen chose an a-hole, but she’s glad Kristen made a decision. Kristen walks past them without saying anything, and in Kristen’s interview, she says she knows what to expect from Katie and Stassi, but she’s not afraid of them anymore. In Lala’s interview, she says she’s nervous. James wasn’t just bad to Randall – we flash back to that – he was horrible.

Ariana sits with Stassi, and they talk about taping up their boobs. Ariana says she feels weird bringing this up, but Scheana was texting Kristen during the pool party, and said Stassi was making fun of her house. Stassi gets Scheana’s attention, and tells her, get her ass over there now. Stassi says Scheana claimed she was talking sh*t about Ariana and Tom’s house. Scheana tells her that at dinner the other night, Stassi said she was a grown-ass woman, and not going to someone’s house who has no furniture. We flash back, and it’s actually Lala who said that. Stassi says she doesn’t even talk like that, and there were a lot of people there. Ariana says she sees a scenario where they’re making fun of her house, and Stassi says she’s annoyed, because she knows for a fact she didn’t say that. In Ariana’s interview, she says she’s choosing to believe Stassi, since she’s not the type of person who denies what she said. When all is said and done, they’ll have the most beautiful furniture. If anyone makes fun of it, they don’t get to sit on it.

Karrah, who’s been watching the conversation, sits near Stassi, who says, not now. Karrah asks if everything is okay, and Stassi says, it’s not actually. In Danica’s interview, she says, Karrah is obviously drunk, and trying to insert herself in a conversation she’s not a part of. Karrah says Stassi is being negative, and Danica approaches Karrah, saying she’s been watching Karrah trying to insert herself where she doesn’t belong. In her interview, Danica says Karrah is talking crazy sh*t, and she’s trying to tell her to get out of the conversation. She asks Karrah, what’s wrong with her? Kristen tells Karrah, move along, and Karrah says she can be anywhere she wants. In Kristen’s interview, she says she’s been down this road before. You do not fight in Lisa’s restaurants or in front of Lisa. Danica tells Karrah that she said to get out of the conversation. She doesn’t know them, and she’s acting like a psychopath. Karrah says Danica has nothing to stand on, and Lisa tells Danica to calm down. In Lisa’s interview, she wonders why Danica is acting like she’s five. She’s an assistant manager. Lala says when Danica pushed Karrah, Karrah’s wine spilled on her. In her interview, Lisa says, when someone is lying – she gestures as if dusting off her hands – sorry. She tells Danica, it’s time to go home. In Max’s interview, he says, Danica is finally 86’d from TomTom. It’s about effing time.

James raps to his own tune. In his interview, he says he’s back. More respectful and less loud, but he’s back. Lala joins in on their son, and James says he’s excited for people to hear it. People who don’t want to forget what he was like can s*ck his d*ck. Scheana dances on the bar. James says it’s good to see Randall, and he’s so sorry about all the bullsh*t that he ever said. In his interview, James says he was 100% wrong to judge Randall the way he did. Randall loves Lala more than anything, and they’re perfect together. He was the last to see he was being a smartass, and if Randall wanted to pull him aside and say he was an a-hole and immature, it would have been right. But he said amazing things about James, and it shows what a real man is. He says Randall will never hear anything like that from him again, and Randall hopes James is being honest. He didn’t think that’s who James was. James says he was being an alcoholic, and Randall says Lala has a lot of love for James, and he’s a big part of her life. He wants to invite James  to the wedding; it would be awesome, and a lot of fun. James says he would love that, and they bro hug. Raquel asks James how it’s going, and she says, good. She’s so attracted to him, it’s insane. He kisses her.

Dayna tells Stassi that Brett slept with five people in the five weeks since they stopped seeing one another. Stassi says, Max is being a psycho; she did nothing wrong. Tom says he’s so happy, and glad Ariana, Schwartz, and Katie are there to share it. They have a four-way glasses clink, and Katie says the two Toms need to kiss in front of their picture. Schwartz says he doesn’t want to kiss Tom anymore, but checks his breath. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, kissing Tom is smoky, and Coors lighty, but still pleasurable. He tells Tom that his lips are softer than they used to be, and Ariana says it’s the Chapstick she gave him.

Max tells Dayna that he made himself vulnerable, and then she pressed a button that made him feel some type of way. He doesn’t want to hang out or talk to her. She says there were four people out of the photo who he slept with. Brett told her that he had sex with five people since they stopped dating, and he’s mad because she was kissing Brett. Who cares? He says she kissed Brett because she’s spiteful, and she says, it just happened. He says he loves that for her, but she says he’s trying to make her the bad guy. He tells her that she’s on her high horse, and she says he’s on the highest horse there is. All the time they hung out, he says he didn’t care who she went out with. He says he’s turned off, and she says, the feeling is mutual. She’s done with it, and him putting out negativity about her. In her interview, she says, Max is playing the sympathy card with a small violin. No one else can play with his toys, even if he doesn’t want to. He says she can’t hurt him because he’s over her; it’s the way she carries herself. She says she likes the way she carries herself, and at least she’s not screwing everyone to validate herself. He says don’t forget he hired her. She wouldn’t be there if not for him. Stay in her lane. She says she is in her lane, and he runs away walks off.

Lisa takes the mic, and says, it’s been a year. Have a drink, and celebrate. They’ve decided they’re expanding. She loves them all, and it’s been some incredible journey. This year, some of them became grown-ups, and some, not so much, but there’s always an opportunity to get better. She truly believes that. Cheers to a new beginning, cheers to the future, and thank you. Brittany tells Jax, she’s kind of buzzed, and kisses him. Jax tells Tom, congratulations. In Brittany’s interview, she says it’s super easy for her to forgive and forget; sometimes too easy, but Tom has more to prove to Jax than to her. Jax tells Tom that he’s at the end of his rope, and Tom says he’s at his wit’s end with Jax. Jax says it’s more like a relationship than a friendship.

Kristen tells Stassi and Katie that she’s been sad all summer. She doesn’t understand it. She thought she was done with Carter. Katie says she thought they were still together. Stassi says, the friendship hasn’t been the same for a long time. Katie says, Kristen wanted to hear what she wanted to hear, and when she didn’t, she got mad. That’s not love. At the bar, Tom says Jax was spiteful. He wasn’t invited to the bachelor party or the wedding. He wasn’t allowed a single disagreement in the eight months leading up to the wedding. Jax says, it was his wedding. I have actually never heard of a guy acting like a Bridezilla before. It’s mind-boggling. In Jax’s interview, he says being the groom’s bitch is part of being best man. He tells Tom that he was crying in Home Depot while he was buying flowers, and Tom says, that doesn’t give him a hall pass.

Stassi tells Kristen, she cries that she doesn’t know what she’s done, and goes to everyone. Then everyone says the same thing. Kristen asks what she’s done to deserve this, and Katie says, it’s always about Kristen. Tom tells Jax, it’s a constant one-up. Why can’t Jax be happy for him? Stassi says, the Witches of WeHo is done-zo. Her brain is going to explode. In her interview, Stassi says, it’s hard saying goodbye. When she first came there, she was the new girl, and Kristen was the cool older one. Kristen knew all the tricks at SUR, and taught Stassi how to steal wine. Kristen introduced her to this group of friends, and Beau. Then she didn’t know if Kristen would be standing up with her at her wedding, or even be there. Jax tells Tom, he doesn’t know what to do, and Tom says Jax will do the same sh*t he’s done for twenty years. In Tom’s interview, he says Jax has been his friend for a long time, but he doesn’t know if he has space for Jax’s negativity anymore. He’s wasting his love and energy on the wrong person. Jax asks what they should do at this point, and Tom says he’s establishing boundaries. He’s not doing this anymore. Jax asks if they should take a break or a little time out, and Tom says, sure. Stassi and Katie go inside, leaving Kristen to follow by herself. Jax tells Brittany that he’s done with things with Tom, who wandered off. In Lisa’s interview, she says she doesn’t know where to start. Years of friendship she thought would last forever, and everything turned upside down. She doesn’t know where they’ll go from here. Jax will realize one day that these were his lifelong friends. We flash back to all of them over the years.

Lisa tells Jax that he shouldn’t make himself more special than he is. They’re all human, fall in love, f*** up, and they’ve all lost parents. It’s not a tragedy; it’s what life is about. He’s got every chance in life to pull it together, and see how lucky he is. End of effing story. Everyone leaves the party.

Next time, the reunion.

If Loving You Is Wrong

After Eddie shows Natalie the video of Kelly happy kissing Lushion, Natalie tells Eddie, get out. He says, nice place. A little Afrocentric for his taste, but nice. He leaves, and Natalie calls Lushion, leaving a message for him to call. She immediately calls again, and says, call her now.

Alex finishes with Randal, and gets a drink. He says he hates her, and she says she knows. He asks why she turned up, and she says because she can. And she wanted to show him something. He says, that she knows how to swallow? and she says, yeah, her pride. And that she knows how to be submissive, but most of all, she needed to let him know how stupid he actually is. Just like most men. He thinks he’s so smart. He thought she was the poor little housewife next door. He says that’s exactly what she is, and she says he’s so wrong. He suggests she tell him what she is, and she says, he thought he was a big bad snake and she was a poor little mouse. It’s more like he’s the tiny mouse and she’s the snake. She laughs, and says he doesn’t get the fact she played him since day one. He says, do not, and she says she knew he wanted her, and she was in control because men are so stupid. He did everything she wanted him to do, when she wanted him to do it. She did this just now. He’s welcome. He says she’s so very naïve thinking that. Get the hell out. She says gladly, and digs in his back pocket for his wallet. He tells her again to get out, and she leaves.

He follows her out, and says, on second thought, he had her pegged from the first moment. He knew she was easy, weak, and vulnerable, and he knew. She asks what did he know? and he says he knew she wasn’t in love with Brad, and he went after her. She laughs, and says he can’t stand it, can he? He says she can’t stand that he’s right, and she says, which proves her point. Everything he says is true, which proves she went after him. He’s really not that smart. Eddie parks in front of them, and Randal asks what the hell he’s doing there. Eddie tells Alex, hi, whore, and she says, hi, bigger whore. He says he’ll take that as a compliment. He sees they’re back at it, and Alex says, they are. They just had great sex. Eddie tells Alex to get her ass back in her house, and she tells him to get his ass back in his house. Oh, wait. He doesn’t have a house. Randal asks why Eddie is there, and Eddie says Randal called the police. Randal says he called the real police, and Eddie says, the real police are there, d*ckhead. Randal said someone assaulted him. Randal says, go to hell, and Eddie says he can take Randal down to the station for making a false claim. Randal says he didn’t, and Eddie asks who assaulted him? Randal says, Natalie, and Eddie says, what is wrong with you people? All you ever think about is violence and killing. Randal says, someone should kill Eddie’s ass, and Eddie says, everyone tried and failed. Does he want to press charges or take a ride? Randal says, kiss his ass, and Eddie says he’s the law. Come with him or take a walk. Randal goes to his door, and Eddie says, best decision he’s ever made. He asks what Alex is still doing there, and she says she’s waiting for her ride. Unless he wants to give her a ride. He says he wouldn’t spit on her ass if it was on fire. He asks what she’s doing; what’s with this whole get-up? She says she’s going back to her roots, and he says it’s quite the hombre look she’s got going on. Go in her house. She says she doesn’t live there anymore. She left Brad and the kids. They can take care of themselves. Eddie wonders what’s going on, and heads toward Brad’s house. Alex jumps in the squad car, and takes off.

Eddie radios dispatch, and tells them to look out for his patrol car. The dispatcher says they can put a trace on it, and he says, then do it. She says, say please, please, and he says, please. Everyone laughs, and he says when he gets back, he’s going to put his foot in every one of their dispatch asses. Find his car. She asks how he lost it, and he says it was stolen by three Black suspects. One looked like Tyler Perry. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! They were wearing jeans and those oversized T-shirts they like. Alex gets on the radio, and says, that’s a bunch of sh*t. He tells her to get her ass off the radio, and she says he really said that about black people; he’s such a liar. The dispatcher wonders who she is, and Alex says she’s the Black male who stole the car. And she didn’t steal it; it’s not even 50 feet away. He’s not looking. Eddie says, she’s lying, and the dispatcher tells Alex, stay there. The police are on their way. Alex says, not a chance, and the dispatcher asks if Eddie wants to make a report. He says, write the damn report, adding, she must be Black. She calls him a racist SOB, and he says he’s coming back to the station.

Eddie walks into Brad’s house, and Brad asks if he ever knocks. Eddie says, not really, and he asks what Marcie is doing there. Brad says, she’s cooking, and Eddie says it’s one crazy-ass merry-go-round they’ve got going on there. Brad suggests Eddie get off of it. Eddie says he is, but he’s trying to figure out what happened. Brad says, it’s a long story, and Eddie says he’s got all day. Brad says, Alex left him with the kids, but Eddie doesn’t believe it. He says, Brad isn’t thinking of keeping that bastard, and Brad tells him, stay away from the baby, and don’t call him that. Eddie says he’s not Brad’s, but Brad asks why that matters. Eddie says, it’s not Brad’s problem. Who cares? Take the baby to the hospital and pass him off. Let someone else take care of him. Brad says Eddie will never change, and Eddie suggests dropping the baby off at a shelter. Brad says, enough, and Eddie says, it would be a good time to take the baby to the border. Brad tells him, get out, and Eddie says everyone is always throwing him out. Brad says he’s always acting like this. Eddie says, if Alex is gone, can he have a room? Brad says, his kids sleep there, and Eddie says he’ll just go up and look around. He goes upstairs, and Marcie asks why Brad puts up with him. Brad says he doesn’t like it, and doesn’t like Eddie at all. Eddie comes back down, and says, it will do. Brad says Eddie’s not staying there; get an apartment. Eddie says, why, when he’s got this place? Brad says, no way, and Eddie says he’ll help with the finances; a couple hundred a month. Brad asks what Eddie does with his money, and Eddie says, the ABCs; asses, bitches, and cocaine, not necessarily in that order. He has to grab some things, but he’ll be back. They’ll see how it works out, and go from there. He looks at Marcie, and says she’s filling out the A in his alphabet.

Steven goes to Esperanza’s house, and looks around. She says, Eddie’s not there, but he says they don’t know that. She says she would smell him, but he says he’s still going to look. She says she can’t believe Alex is staying at a bar with a guy she barely knows. She’s got to call Natalie; Marcie won’t help. Steven says he knows Alex is her friend, but she seemed… Esperanza says, drunk? and he says, determined to do whatever she wanted. She says, Alex would never give up on her kids like that, but he says Alex isn’t her, and you never know what circumstances drive people. She asks how he got so understanding, and he says he thinks he’s a decent guy. She says he’s a douche. He dresses nice, but he’s a douche. He asks what she thinks of Eddie, and she says, he’s not a douche. He’s a douchebag, a tool, and a crazy person who belongs in an asylum. She thanks Steven for being a douche, and he says, you’re welcome? She thanks him for being a somewhat decent person; for just being him. What if she wanted to look into making this more? He says, why? She’s got all the say. She told him in the beginning that she was in control, and would say when he comes and goes. Is she going to tell him what to say too? Does she want him to move in? She says she didn’t say that. Stay a couple hours, and she’ll introduce him to her daughter. He says, it must be semi-serious, and she asks if he’d like to meet her daughter. He says he’d love to, and she says it’s a big deal for her. Eddie is the only man her daughter knows in her life. He says he’d love to take the time to know about Esperanza, and she says she agrees. He asks if she wants to do it, and says she always has to play hard to get. He kisses her, but she says she doesn’t have time. Stop it.

Larry calls Ian into his office. He asks if Ian has a newer version of his phone, and asks Ian to show him how to get email notifications. Ian shows him, and Larry tells him to sit and relax. He keeps messing with Ian’s phone, and talking about what a great case it’s in. Ian says he can get Larry one, but Larry says, that’s okay. Ian reaches for his phone, but Larry won’t let him take it. Larry says when that hot shot public defender Carl came in, he was so good, he offered Carl a job. Ian doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and Larry asks, why? Ian says he’s green, and Larry says he did tell Ian that Carl just got lucky. Ian asks if he can have his phone back; he doesn’t want to miss a call. Larry looks at the phone, and says he already missed two. They’re calling again now; take it there. Ian says he’s not taking his call in Larry’s office, but Larry answers. It’s Carl, and Ian says he’ll call back, and hits the disconnect button. Larry says Ian will have plenty of time, and Ian grabs his phone back. Larry says, tell him about it, but Ian says, there’s nothing to tell. He’s trying to protect the firm. Larry says Ian doesn’t have to worry about the firm anymore; he’s fired. Ian asks what Larry is talking about, and Larry asks if he stuttered. Ian says he’ll bury Larry, and Larry says he’d like to see Ian try. Ian says he’ll clean up his office, but Larry says, it was already done while Ian was there. Ian says, it’s going be a pleasure not to work for him.

Peter and Paisley come home, and Peter asks what Marcie is doing there. Brad says, cooking dinner, and he asks, where’s mom? Brad says that’s what he needs to talk to them about. Paisley asks what’s going on, and Brad asks them to sit. He says he and their mom have gotten a divorce, and Paisley says she told them. Brad says what she didn’t tell them was that she needed a vacation. She wanted to go away for a few days, and she might be back tomorrow or the next day, but she’ll be back. Pater asks where she went, and Brad says, she went away with friends. Peter asks if she’s okay, and Brad says, she’s fine. Peter asks if he’s sure, and Brad asks, why? Paisley says she was upset about the divorce; she was really sad. Brad says, the good thing is, he’ll take care of them until she comes back, and Marcie will be there to help out. Peter asks if they’re dating? Brad says, what? and Peter says, it’s a simple question. Brad tells them that he and Marcie are dating, and Paisley says they’re not kids anymore; they know what’s going on, and can understand too. Brad apologizes for keeping them in the dark, and Peter says they just want him and mom to be happy. Brad says they’ll talk over dinner. The kids tell him that they love him, and he says he loves them too. They go upstairs, and Marcie says he and Alex did something right. Brad says he can’t believe how well that went, and she hugs him.

Mica comes home, and sees Steven. She asks what he’s doing there, and Esperanza says that’s what she wanted to talk about. Mica says she doesn’t want to talk about it. She hears them having sex, and it’s disgusting. Her dad told him what a horrible person Steven is; he beat his last wife. Esperanza says, that’s not true. Mica says she wants to stay with her dad if Steven is there, and tells Steven, there’s the door. She doesn’t like him or the way he looks at her. Esperanza says Mica has never met him, and Mica says her dad told her that Steven was staring at her while she was in school. Esperanza says, that’s not true, and Steven says, they’ll talk later. Mica tells him, don’t come back. When he’s gone, Esperanza tells Mica, never ever be this rude to her friends again. Mica says, don’t be rude to her dad, and Esperanza says they’re not together anymore. Mica says, because of her; she’s a whore. Esperanza slaps Mica across the face, and says, never talk like that to her. Her father is lying. Mica says, Esperanza is the liar. She made him leave. She runs to her room.

Natalie leaves another message for Lushion, saying she’s called four times, and he needs to call her. The kids come home, and tell her that Justice was in a fight; they talked about his momma. Justice says he beat the fool down, and Natalie tells the others to go to their rooms and do their homework. Justice tells her, the kids won’t leave him alone, and they talk about his momma. She didn’t do anything to them, and he’s going to get a gun. Natalie says he’s not going to do that. He says he doesn’t want to talk to her, and she asks, what’s wrong? She’s sorry. She knows it’s hard, and she’s sorry, but it’s going be all right. He says everyone keeps saying that, but where’s his momma? Natalie calls Lushion again, and asks where he is. She needs to talk to him.

Mica calls Eddie, and says her mom had that guy over, and she told him to leave. He says, good for her. She says she doesn’t want to be there; she wants to stay with him. He says he’s staying with Uncle Brad while his house is being worked on. She says she doesn’t want to stay there; Esperanza slapped her across the face. He asks if her face is red. She says it is, and he tells her to take a picture of her face, and send it to him. Why did her mother hit her? She says she called her mother a whore, and he says, the truth hurts. She says it’s terrible there; she wants to stay with him. He says he knows it’s terrible, and wishes he’d picked a better woman to be her mother. She asks if he can he pick her up. He says he’ll be there later, and she asks if they can go to a hotel. He says, not tonight; he has to work the late shift. She says her mother drives her crazy, and he tells her to keep herself together. Keep speaking her mind; she gets it from daddy. Esperanza knocks on her door, and Mica says her father knows Esperanza is a whore, and wishes he’d done better. He said Mica doesn’t have to speak to her.

Esperanza asks Mica to come out, but Mica says her dad told her that she doesn’t have to talk to Esperanza. Leave her alone. Esperanza says she’s not playing. Come out. Mica says, leave me alone, you whore, and Esperanza tells her, please stop talking like that. Mica asks if Esperanza is going to hit her again, and Esperanza says she’s so sorry, but Mica can’t speak to her that way. Mica says, whore, and Esperanza walks away.

Esperanza calls Eddie, and he says, Mica is damn right to call her a whore, and Esperanza slapped her in the face. She shouldn’t have that boy in the house; he’s not playing. She says he thinks he’s going to get custody, but she’s going to tell the judge everything about how he’s using his own daughter. She wants to give Mica a better life, away from him. He says she’s the one Mica should stay away from. She says, she swears… and he says, bye, bitch. Steven texts her that he’s outside, and she goes out. She sits in his car, and he asks if she’s okay. She says, no, and he says he’s sorry. She says Eddie is using Mica against her, and says terrible things to Mica about her. He says, that’s Eddie. She can’t expect anything else. She says, the worst part is that Mica believes him, and she can’t talk to her. He says she can’t right now, but will when Mica is calm and ready. She has the devil in her ear. She says Mica has the devil as her father, and he says, that too. He hates what Eddie did to her. She says she’ll be all right, and thanks him. He says Mica just wasn’t ready, and she says she’s sorry. He tells her, don’t be. They’ll set her straight. She thanks him again, and he hugs her.

Lushion comes home, and sees Eddie. Eddie asks, what’s going on? and Lushion asks what Eddie is doing in front of his house. Eddie says he had a nice chat with Natalie, and Lushion calls him a son of a bitch. Eddie says he got that right. Lushion has no idea of the damage he’s about to face. She’s mad as hell. Lushion says, okay. Eddie sees Kelly coming home, and says, hey. Kelly tells him, don’t talk to her, and he asks how the fresh air is. She repeats, don’t talk to her, and starts to walk inside. He says, that’s where she killed that man. How does she sleep there? He wants to know. The man’s blood is in there, and she lays her head down peacefully. Lushion tells him, go somewhere, and Eddie says Lushion needs to go somewhere and work on his marriage.

Kelly goes inside, and Lushion follows. He says, it must be good to be home, and she says she’s sorry about that with Eddie. It’s totally her fault. He says, it’s all right, and she asks if he wants her to talk to Natalie. He says, no; he will. It will be better if he does. She says, if he needs her to come by, she will, and she thanks him. She says it’s hard being there. She wants to go in the back. He says he’ll go with her, and she wonders if that’s wise. He says Natalie needs to think about this. Trust him. He’s doing the right thing. He follows her into the back of the house, and I’m intrigued.

Natalie goes out on the porch and sees Eddie, who says, mm-mm-mm. Now she’s trying not to hear what he’s saying. She tells him, go to hell, and he says, they’ve been in there a long time. If he was her, he’d go check on what’s going on. Don’t knock. He can see the wheels spinning. Talking about himself in the third person, he says, Eddie has never lied to her. She strides over to Kelly’s house, and he says, don’t knock. Just put her ear to the door. She starts to knock, but then goes inside. He says, that’s it, and rubs his hands together, saying, he’s so good.

Natalie goes into the house, and walks to the back. She listens at a bedroom door for a moment, and busts in, yelling, you MF’ers!   

Next time, Mica goes missing, Larry ask if there’s anything Eddie cares about, Brad asks if Ian thinks he’s the baby’s father, and Steven threatens to beat Eddie’s ass.

🥱 The Sun Also Rises…

It’s been a roller coaster with my sweet pup, but he’s still hanging in there, and so am I. Stay safe, stay resourceful, and stay on top of your stimulus check.

May 13, 2020 – Sonny Asks What Mike Wants, Blind Defense, VanderNews, Impressing Nema, Free Happy Hour & Upcoming Freedom


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Chase is in the shower, and turns to find Willow. He asks, what about Michael? and she says she couldn’t stay away. It will always be him. They kiss, and he wakes up. Willow wakes at the Quartermaines, sees the rings on the nightstand, and remembers the wedding.

Brook says, dumb question, and asks Michael if he got any sleep. He says he did. His body must have known it had to be rested. She asks, honestly, how is he feeling? and he says, honestly, he feels ready. She says she admires him. He did what he had to do to win custody of Wiley. Now he’s married. They’re not all so lucky. He says it will happen for her, and she says, yeah? When? He says, one day when Leo is hitched, and she’s old and grey. She throws a roll at him, and says she’ll never grow grey. Willow teaches sick children, and gave up her baby to protect him from Shiloh. Not to mention that she’s sweet, kind, and drop dead gorgeous. She’s perfect for him, and a perfect stepmother for Wiley. In the end, that’s all that matters.

Ava brings Avery to see Mike, and Avery shows him her drawings. Mike recognizes himself, and Avery asks how he knew. He points to his bald head.

Olivia says she didn’t expect Carly to be in, and Carly says she didn’t expect to be there. She was sitting at home, climbing the walls, and figured she might as well make herself useful. Olivia asks if she can do anything, and Carly suggests dropping a house on Nelle. Olivia says she’s fresh out of tornados, but she can lend support. Carly asks if she has any words of wisdom on mother-in-law-hood. Olivia sees Lulu walk in with Dustin, and says, bite your tongue, exercise patience, and slap on a smile.

Robert rolls off the couch in his sleep, and wonders where he is. Laura walks in, and asks if she should be offended that he doesn’t remember. She tells him, good morning, sunshine, and he’s like, ugh.

Michael tells Brook, he and Wiley hit the jackpot with Willow. She’s everything they could hope for. Brook says, but… and he says he knows how much it’s costing her. How much she’s given up. She lost the man she loves. Brook says, that’s Chase and Sasha’s fault, not his. He says, Willow has sacrificed a lot, and thought she’d spend the rest of her life with Chase. Brook says, Chase turned out to be a giant tool, but even if he’d walked on water, Willow would still be trading up. Not because he’s loaded – although that’s a plus – but he’s an amazing guy. Speaking as a single woman, he’s smart, funny, loyal, would never cheat, and always puts family first. That’s not as important for all women though; some want stardom. She sees Willow, and says, but Willow has enough sense to appreciate him, right?

Chase scrolls through pictures of him and Willow. Mac calls, and asks if all his bones are broken. Chase says, no, and Mac asks if he stopped on the way to work to pull a cat out of a tree. Chase says, no, and Mac says, why isn’t he there in the squad room? Chase says he’ll be there in ten minutes, and jumps out of bed.

Laura gives Robert some coffee, and he asks where Doc is. She says he’s wrapping up an overnight shift at the psyche ward. Robert says she doesn’t want him in her hair, but she says, that’s all right. They have plenty of time to pick up where they left off. Robert asks where did they leave off? and she says, it’s kind of what you’d expect from two old friends with a lot of history, comradery, and chemistry. He puts his head in his hands, and she laughs. She says he showed up falling down drunk, and she managed to get him to the couch. She gave him a blanket and water, and went to bed. He says she’s a vision of true evilness, and she says she’s been called worse. She’d like him to tell her what brought him to her door in the middle of the night. Or is he going to make her guess?

Carly says she takes it Olivia isn’t a fan of Mr. Phillips. He’s Josslyn’s teacher, so that’s how she thinks of him. Olivia says it’s better than she thinks. Lulu and Dustin approach the bar, and Olivia asks if it’s a breakfast date. Lulu says Dustin gave her a ride to work; he’s meeting Brook there. They want to get a quick look at the ballroom, so they can prepare for the Nurses Ball. Dustin says he’d also like to ask Olivia about her culinary expertise, and Lulu says, Rocco needs cupcakes, and Dustin volunteered to oversee it. Carly asks if he cooks, and he says, not as well as Olivia. Rocco has a new recipe, but they feel it’s off. Olivia asks what the occasion is, and Lulu says, it’s for Take Your Dad to School Day.

Ava tells Avery to show her grandfather some of her other masterpieces. She steps into the hallway with Sonny, and he says he didn’t know she was coming by today. She says they dropped in, and hopes it’s okay. He says, Avery never needs permission to see her grandfather. How’s he been? She says, he took a while to warm up, but he’s been smiling ever since. He’s not talking too much though. Sonny says he hasn’t been talking a lot lately, and asks if Avery is scared. She says, no; Avery is fine. She’s had some experience with her mom being in Shadybrook. She’s so young, she doesn’t understand Alzheimer’s or what happened or what’s to come. Being there doesn’t make Avery sad like it might the older kids. She’s just spending time with her grandfather and loving him.

Olivia asks if Dustin is going to be there on dad school day, and Lulu says, that’s the plan. Olivia tells him to send the recipe, and she’ll get back to him. Carly asks to talk to Dustin about Josslyn’s curriculum, and they step into the hallway. Lulu asks Olivia if something is wrong, and Olivia says she could say that. Lulu has only known Dustin a year, if that. What’s going on? Is she actively trying to erase Dante from Rocco’s life?

Ava asks Sonny how Mike is doing. She takes it this is a good day. He says the good days are fewer and far between, so he’s stopped measuring the bad days, and stays in the moment. He keeps wondering if Mike is having coherent thoughts that he can’t voice, or has any thoughts at all. He just kind of rolls with it. Sometimes Mike makes a precise observation. Ava says that’s when Sonny knows his father is still in there. She owes Sonny and Mike an apology.

Laura says she can’t believe Holly is dead, and Robert says he’s been trying to put it together himself. How could someone like that – Laura says, young and full of lifebe gone; cease to exist. She says she’s sorry, and he says he’s the one who should be sorry for dragging her out of bed. She says, it’s fine, and he says they’re talking about a person she didn’t have the greatest relationship with. She says, that was a long time ago, and people who are important to her cared about Holly; him at the top of the list. Was she ill? He says, it would be easier if that was the truth. She was on a ship that went down in a storm. Laura doesn’t remember hearing about a ship sinking, and he says she won’t. It was no ordinary ship. She asks if it was with the WSB, and he says Holly was doing contract work for them. He doesn’t know the nature. Another one of Holly’s secrets.

On the phone with Anna, Mac asks where’s the rest of the folder he’s looking at? There’s nothing there. Let him know if she turns up anything. Chase runs in, and says, sorry. Mac asks if Chase needs a day off. He senses even though Chase is there, he has something to take care of. Do it for all their sakes.

Brook tells Michael, good luck at the hearing. She says they won’t need it though. One look at them, and the judge will know Wiley belongs with them. She goes upstairs, and Michael tells Willow, he’s sorry Brook put her on the spot; she has a flair for drama. Willow says, really? She hadn’t noticed. He says, it’s funny how everyone is talking them up to each other. She says, you’d think they defy gravity, and he says he already knows how incredible she is.

Carly says she knows Dustin is a nice guy, and appreciates what he’s done for Josslyn. She doesn’t think he knows how fraught the situation is, and how hard it is on Olivia that Lulu is moving on, and not leaving room in her life for Dante. He doesn’t think that’s necessarily true, and she says she’s not judging. Lulu is her cousin, and Carly knows her. Her decision to move on is the right decision. It’s full steam ahead, which is great for Lulu, but she doesn’t think Lulu understands how it affects Olivia. She knows he can’t understand, but if her daughter-in-law walked in and casually mentioned she was bringing another man to Bring Your Dad to School Day, instead of his dad, Carly would kick her to the curb with half her hair pulled out of her head. Rocco’s dad isn’t a deadbeat who walked out, but has a severe case of PTSD, so she can imagine how hard it is for Olivia.

Lulu tells Olivia, no one is trying to erase Dante; it’s what she calls making Rocco happy. Olivia says he could have been happy with Sonny or Michael or with the mailman. Lulu says, when the day rolled around, Rocco didn’t want to feel left out. He came to them, and they sat down and decided together. Dustin is going to be Rocco’s honorary uncle, and he’s going to wear a Yankees hat to represent Dante. Olivia tears up, and says she wishes Lulu would have told her what she was doing. Lulu says it’s really what Rocco wants, and she thinks they both know it’s what Dante would want too.

Robert tells Laura that he and Holly haven’t seen too much of each other in the last few years. And when they did, it wasn’t always friendly circumstances. Laura says, Holly broke Robert’s heart and ran away with a piece of it. Part of him thought he’d get it back one day, and he has to accept that’s not going to happen.

Michael says he has something to say to Willow, and she says, her too. He tells her, ladies first, but she says, no; him. He says he made a promise to do whatever it takes to get custody of Wiley. Now that they’re married, it’s important that they tell the truth. The truth is, if he was going in without her as his wife, he’d be very, very nervous, but with her, he knows he’s going to win. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a counter-suit six months from now. It’s not going be easy. She says, the twists and turns are constant with Nelle, and Michael says, but they will get custody of Wiley. Her turn. She says she heard what he said to Brook, and she needs him to know that she doesn’t regret this. She can’t, and never will. Now she has to get ready for court. Her first appearance as Mrs. Michael Corinthos. She has to look the part.

Ava tells Sonny, when she wanted to press charges against Mike for kidnapping, she had so much going on, but that was no excuse. It was the wrong thing to do, and she deeply regrets it. She’s sorry. He appreciates that, and appreciates her bringing their daughter to see her grandpa. She says, anytime; she means that. They go back into Mike’s room, and Avery is drawing. She says look what she and grandpa made. Ava asks if they did it together, and Avery says, grandpa told her what to do and she did it. Ava says, it’s wonderful. It’s a boy on a bike, and Ava asks who it is. Mike says, his son, and Ava asks if Mike taught his son to ride. Avery says, daddy taught her, and Ava says, the best dads do that. They need to say goodbye; she has to get Avery to school. Avery hugs Mike, and Sonny tells her to have a great time. He tells Mike, what say they put it up on the wall? Out in the hallway, Avery asks if Ava will ever forget her like grandpa forgot daddy. Ava says, even if that happens, it will be far in the future when Avery has a family of her own. Avery asks if she’ll ever forget Ava, and Ava says, just try.

Dustin thanks Olivia for the advice, and she says, anytime. Brook asks if he wants to tour the ballroom, and Dustin says give him a minute. Carly asks Brook how Michael and Willow are, and she says, calm and focused. She can’t figure out Chase; she didn’t peg him for a cheater. The worst part is, he broke Willow’s heart, and now he’s walking around with puppy dog eyes; the guy who arrested her three times. She thought he was better than that. Carly says, Brook was arrested three times? and Brook says, the most recent was yesterday. She had the audacity to call out Sasha, and accidentally bopped her on the nose. Chase gave her a ticket, and she tore it up, like any sensible person would, and he hauled her to the station. Talk about a headcase. Carly says, excuse her, and Brook wonders if it was something she said.

Olivia says Lulu can’t get into Dante’s head, and doesn’t know what he’d want. Lulu says, maybe not the Dante he is today, but she has no doubt the Dante she knew before everything happened would want his son to feel safe with a man as good and kind as Dustin. She thanks Dustin for the ride, and leaves.

Sonny says he got Mike something. It was Jason’s idea. He puts earbuds on Mike, and says, it’s all his favorites; Bobby Darin, Paul Anka, Frankie Avalon, The Platters. He knows Mike hated his taste in music, and said he didn’t know about the classics, but he always knew when Mike was around. When he came home, his mom would put the Platters on. Sonny turns on the iPod, and Mike says, it’s loud. Sonny takes the earbuds off, and says, sorry. They’ll do this another time. Maybe one night when Avery comes to visit. What does he think of Sonny’s little girl? Mike laughs, and Sonny says he’s got to ask something. He needs to know what Mike wants, because next time he asks, Mike might not be able to say. Does he want help? Does he want to stay? Mike looks dreamy, and Sonny says, or does he want to go? The doctor pops in, and asks to speak to Sonny. Sonny tells Mike that he’ll be right back.

Chase tells Mac that he doesn’t need time off, but Mac says his record suggests otherwise. He’s arrested Brook three times. Chase says she was combative and belligerent, and Mac says, she’s a Quartermaine. They’re born that way. Chase asks if they’re supposed to get special treatment, and Mac tells him, get some perspective. Three times in three months? The review board might see it as abuse of power.

Laura tells Robert, she doesn’t mince words. Isn’t that why he came there. He says he drank too much, and gave the wrong address to Ride Share. She says, if he didn’t want it straight, he wouldn’t have come to her. He needs to grieve Holly, and say goodbye. She hugs him.

Dustin tells Olivia, he can’t imagine how difficult the situation is for her, and he doesn’t want to be an impediment to her relationship with Lulu and Rocco. He doesn’t want to take Dante’s place. She respects his willingness to put himself on the line. He says, it’s a strange position to find himself in, and she says, it’s just the way it is.

Lulu visits Laura, and says, sorry to just show up. Laura says, Lulu is her daughter. She can show up whenever she wants. Lulu says she needs advice. She thinks she just blew her relationship with Rocco’s other grandmother.

Sonny asks the doctor if a feeding tube will hurt his dad, and the doctor says they’ll provide pain medication, and keep Mike as comfortable as possible. The greater challenge is, it might further disorient him. He’s stopped eating, and without a tube, they can’t supply proper nutrition. Sonny asks what he recommends, and the doctor says, some patients make provision for life extending measures, but Mike left the decision up to Sonny. Sonny says he needs time to think, and the doctor says, of course (🍷). Michael arrives, and Sonny says he thought Michael was at court. Michael says he had time to see grandpa and tell him that he got married. Does Sonny want to talk? Sonny says they’ll do it after. They want to keep his dad alive with a feeding tube, and he doesn’t know if it’s what Mike would want, or would he want to let go? Michael says if Sonny can, he should ask Mike, and Sonny says, what if he can’t? Michael says, Sonny knows what his dad would want more than anyone, and Mike trusts that. Sonny says, selfishly, he’s not ready for Mike to go, and to be honest, he doesn’t think Mike is ready. It’s easy to say, but what if Mike wants to stick around and see his granddaughter, and see Michael and Wiley? What if he doesn’t want to die?

Robert goes into the station, and Mac asks if he’s wearing the same clothes that he had on yesterday. Robert says he is, and Mac says, interrogation room, now. They go into the room, and Mac says, what happened? He put Robert in a cab. Robert believes he washed up on Laura’s couch. Mac says, the mayor? and Robert says he felt like doing work to get his mind off of things. Mac says Robert isn’t working; take the day off. And take this with him. He hands Robert a folder, and Robert asks what it is. Mac says, a heavily redacted report from the WSB on Holly’s death. Robert asks why it’s so redacted, and Mac says, read it and see.

Willow comes into the station, and stands in front of Chase’s desk.

Robert says, it’s all black; there’s nothing here. Mac says, look closer, and see what he and Anna did. Robert says he has a screaming headache, and Mac says, there’s more to Holly’s death than what’s there. He and Anna aren’t convinced the ship accidentally went down.

Carly tells Brook, Olivia is Dante’s mother, and mothers don’t move on the same way. Sadly for Olivia, she might be waiting for Dante to come home for the rest of her life, and she’ll have to accept it

Olivia thanks Dustin, and he says he appreciates it. She says she’s not going to pretend it’s easy, but she’s happy Lulu found someone like him; a decent person. He thanks her, and says, it means a lot. She says, just so she’s clear, Dante is her son, and she’ll never give up on him. She’ll never stop hoping and praying, and doing everything in her power to bring him home. Dustin says they want the same things. Brook comes by, and says, shall we? She asks if Dustin needs a drink, but he says, it’s not even noon. She says, he knows what they say; it’s 5 o’clock somewhere.

Michael asks Sonny how long Mike hasn’t been eating, and Sonny says, a few days. It’s not like he’s starving himself on purpose. It’s almost like he’s forgotten how to eat. When Mike was with Avery, he was so happy. Sonny could see it. Sometimes he thinks it would be easier for him to let it be over, but it’s not what he wants. It’s what his dad wants. With Avery, Mike had a moment; more than a moment, a connection. If keeping him alive – Sonny cries a little – if keeping him alive five more months will give him five more of those moments, who is he to say Mike can’t have that?

Chase asks what Willow is doing there, and she says, it’s probably not the place, but she has something to tell him that can’t wait. She and Michael got married last night. She didn’t want him to hear it from anyone else. He asks, why? and she says she thought it would hurt less coming from her. He asks if it matters to her what he thinks, and she says, it always will. Goodbye. He calls her back, and says, good luck in court today. She thanks him, and walks out. Carly walks in, and looks at Chase.

Tomorrow, Robert tells Anna that he wants to prove Holly was murdered, Valentin tells Martin that he’s closer than the Quartermaines realize, Chase asks why Carly is there, and Maxie says someone has five minutes to get there.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The bickering continued at Denise’s dinner party. Sutton tried to explain to Dorit, that her saying she had a life resonated with Kyle. Since trying to explain anything to Dorit is like explaining something to a hamster, Dorit insisted she didn’t say it that way. She did. Kyle said it was offensive, and then made the mistake of informing Dorit that other people had lives, or as Garcelle put it in her interview, everybody has stuff. LisaR compounded things by saying that Kyle blindly supported others, but Kyle said, even when it was her sister Kim, she’d supported LisaR. LisaR said that wasn’t always the case, and cited her nasty impression of Erika Jayne at the party where she harassed Kim. This actually supported the argument that Kyle didn’t blindly give support, since it varied by the situation. Why Kyle didn’t say this was beyond me, but instead, she said, f*** you all, and removed herself from the situation. Teddi followed, which everyone else took as evidence of said blind support. In Dorit’s interview, she said, Kyle is upset; cue Teddi. In Denise’s interview, she said Kyle needed to be the center of attention and was childish. It pissed her off. While I totally agree that Kyle grabbed that crown and ran with it this season, I can’t blindly support Denise in this instance, since it was a case of the gang-up style the ladies love. Dorit reminded everyone that Kyle had called them fake-ass bitches. Teddi returned, and told them when someone was upset and crying, barraging them with questions didn’t make the situation better. Letting them recover was just common decency. LisaR insisted that talking honestly was the better choice, but with this bunch, that’s usually code for talking smack. Teddi said, when someone is upset, let them be, and LisaR said, but she wanted to fix things. Right.

Amelia had come back home, and she and sister Delilah had created a new clothing line called DNR. A launch party was planned, and LisaR horned in on the photo shoot. I think we can safely say, every single one of them wants to be the center of attention. Except maybe Denise.

Erika met Denise for coffee, and Denise said she hadn’t liked where the conversation was going at the party in front of her kids. Her oldest daughter Sami overheard them arguing over threesomes. In Denise’s interview, she said she didn’t want the kids’ friends going home and repeating what they heard. They’ve never been that house. She told Erika that she wasn’t thrilled with Kyle yelling, f*** off to everyone before she stomped away. Erika thought Kyle was under a lot of pressure when everyone came at her. In her interview, Denise said, bitch, we all have a lot going on. That’s no excuse to be an a-hole. Truth! She told Erika that she’d sent out a thank you to everyone, and Kyle was the only one who didn’t respond. Denise said Kyle must consider her one of those fake-ass bitches.

Garcelle had a birthday party for her twin boys, and in her interview, she said that kids’ parties in Beverly Hills were usually over-the-top, but her kids were fine with donuts and ice cream. Her ex-husband Mike was there, and they seem to get along quite well. In Garcelle’s interview, she said, after the divorce, she put things together quickly to co-parent, so the kids weren’t damaged. They didn’t see the ugly side of divorce. She told Mike that the kids were getting older, and it was freaking her out.

The women made plans to have cocktails at Erika’s pied-à-terre, go to the DNR launch, and then go out to dinner. Kyle didn’t want to be piled on again, but decided to suck it up and go. LisaR’s mom Lois, who is probably the only one who isn’t a fake-ass bitch, along with Denise, joined them. LisaR sort of apologized to Kyle, and Kyle insisted she didn’t blindly defend people, citing the example of standing up for Dorit at the expense of her friendship with LVP. She said she defended what was right. LisaR said Kyle was there when it matters, In Kyle’s interview, she said she thought LisaR’s apology was genuine, but also motivated by wanting them at her daughters’ event. LisaR said the event was going to be a collaboration, and they’d see when they got there. Sutton was concerned the collab was with LisaR’s makeup artist, who she had issues with. When they got there, she made the huge mistake of telling Dorit that she might freak out, which caused Dorit to be concerned about what Sutton might do. Like Sutton has a reputation for tossing wine glasses at people. I’m talking to you, LisaR.

LisaR hoped her daughters inherited her hustling gene. In her interview, she said she thought they’d gotten Harry’s intelligence and her hustle. They’d hit the gene lottery. The collaboration turned out to be with The Fat Jewish, and Sutton breathed a sigh of relief. Sutton explained in her interview, that she’d been worried it was with Joey Maalouf, at one time a mutual friend of hers and LisaR’s. He and Sutton went into business together, and apparently there had been some problems, which Sutton didn’t go into details about. She said the business survived, but she and Joey had a falling out. Kyle explained she had left Denise’s party because she wasn’t having a good time in that moment. In Denise’s interview, she said she loved Kyle’s half-assed apology, and Kyle only cares about what Kyle has to say.

At dinner, Dorit said she was uncomfortable when Sutton said she might freak out, since she didn’t know what that meant. Sutton said it meant she’d start to cry and want to go home, and explained how she thought it was a collab with the makeup artist. Somehow, this stupidly turned into LisaR claiming this was an attack on her kids, even though it had nothing to do with them. LisaR said if Sutton had caused a commotion, she would have thrown her out immediately. Sutton was taken aback, and in her interview, she said she’d never seen this aggressive side of LisaR (really?), and since LisaR had put her in this lion’s den, shouldn’t she be throwing Sutton a sword? Dorit acted like a complete a-hole, finally making Sutton cry, and LisaR kept saying, don’t come for her kids. Sutton told Dorit, she’d had her fun; let the mouse go. Kyle said Sutton didn’t have any bad intentions, and Dorit took this opportunity to remind everyone again that Kyle had said they were fake-ass bitches, and demanded an example. Kyle said it was like when Dorit got all glammed up for the retreat, and added how Denise acted all down-to-earth, yet dared to have an ice sculpture at her party. Dorit said Teddi hadn’t been very glam the first season, but changed her look for season two, and told Kyle that it was a double-standard. Denise tried to talk to Kyle, who (no surprise) wouldn’t let her finish a sentence. Denise said Kyle talked at them and not to them, and doesn’t listen. In her interview, Erika wondered where Miss Laid Back was, since I guess if you’re laid back, you can’t have feelings. Lois chimed in, saying they were going to look back on this, and think it was crazy. Then they’d wake up and be 81. LisaR said Lois was 91, and told her, don’t be a fake-ass bitch.

Next time, the women meet with an astrologer, and once again, Kyle wants to be the center of attention.

🍸 Behind the VanderScenes…

I still can’t imagine Scheana is the brightest bulb in the box.


Still, she has her supporters.


On the flip side, our heroes.


👑 Didn’t See This One Coming…

When potential Shahs and royals mix.


📺 Free For You…

If you can stream it, you can sling it for free.


🦅 Moving Toward Freedom…

Little by little, things are opening. So stay smart, stay helpful, and stay on the bright side.

May 12, 2020 – Nelle Discovers a Secret, Jax Has a Sprained Brain, Alex Goes Home & Late Or Early


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

Brook tells Julian, as long as he does the occasional favor, she won’t have to tell Sonny. He helped Brad pass off a stolen baby as Willow’s. When Brad got squirmy, he tried to shut Brad up by sabotaging his car, and Lucas woke up in a coma. He shouldn’t complain, but be grateful it’s not someone worse than her. Nelle listens from the hallway.

Michael and Willow go to the MetroCourt, and Carly says she thought they’d be with Diane, prepping for tomorrow. Michael says, they did, and dropped by for a toast. Sonny asks what they’re toasting to, and he says Willow agreed to marry him. Carly says, that’s wonderful news, and welcomes Willow to the family. Michael says they agreed it was the best thing for Wiley, and Carly thinks it’s the best thing for all three of them. Sonny asks when it’s happening, and Michael says, tonight he hopes. He’s filing a flight plan. Sonny says he needs to talk with his son.

Lucy tells Sasha to leave the bag of ice on her nose. They need her beautiful face to be camera ready for the photo shoot tomorrow. The photographer was expensive, and he’s already booked and paid for. Sasha says her cheeks are numb, and Lucy says, they’ll thaw. She hates that she agreed to a non-airbrush campaign, and is going to sue Brook if they have to reschedule. Sasha says she’ll be fine. Lucy says she seems grumpy, and Sasha says she’s getting frostbite. Lucy tells her, take a deep breath. She’s been there, and understands what it’s like to be labeled the town tramp.

On the phone, Ned tells Tracy, he’s trying to salvage the Med Tech deal… He fully intends to continue on as CEO, but he can’t force Michael out of the company. Monica comes in, and asks if he minds telling her what’s going on.

Portia asks if Trina is feeling better. Trina says, a little bit, but because Portia is a great mom, not because she despises Jordan any less. Portia says, Jordan isn’t the bad guy, and Trina says, she knows Jordan isn’t. He is. Cyrus is walking toward them, and Trina jumps up and strides over to him. She says she knows who he is; Cyrus Renault. He says, Trina. He’s sorry to hear her father is dead. Trina says he doesn’t sound like someone who’s sorry. He sounds like someone who needs to be stopped. Curtis and Jordan arrive, and Curtis tells Cyrus, back off. Stay the hell away from Trina. Cyrus says he doesn’t believe they’ve been introduced, and Curtis says Cyrus knows good and well who he is; he’s Jordan’s husband. Cyrus introduces himself, and Curtis says he knows everything about Cyrus. Play his game somewhere else, and stay the hell away from Trina and Portia. Cyrus says, for the record, the young lady came over to him. He saw no harm in offering his condolences. Curtis asks if he wants to talk about harm, and Jordan says since Cyrus is there, there are some things they need to discuss. They step away, and Curtis asks if Trina is okay. She asks why he’s butting in now when he left her father to die in the warehouse.

Monica wonders why she has a missed call from the PCPD, and Ned says, it must have been Brook. Monica asks if Brook has been arrested again, and Ned says, yeah; disturbing the peace. She reached out to him, but he refused to rescue her. She tells him, be careful. Tough love can have unintentional consequences. Look at his mother and Edward. He says, it’s not that bad, and she says, not yet. What if he makes Brook fend for herself, and it makes the situation worse?

Sasha asks Lucy if she’s being labeled as the town tramp. Lucy says, no… well… Who cares what people think? People cheat on their partners all the time. She tells Sasha to put the ice back on, and Sasha tells her, stop. Lucy says, it looks better. One more minute. Please? For her? She tells Sasha that she’s there for her. She completely understands when a good person find themselves cheating on their partner. It takes time. She hurt Doc terribly a while back, and didn’t think he’d ever forgive her, but now they’re friends, and he’s happy with Laura, while she’s a successful entrepreneur. All’s well that ends well.

At The Floating Rib, Martin mumbles that Nelle is trying his patience. Where is the little nutcase?

Brook thanks Julian for the drink, and asks if he’ll take her home. He says he’s had enough for one night; take a Ride Share. His phone rings, and he says, hi, Olivia. He asks what Leo is doing with his mom’s phone. He tells Leo, calm down… Ned did what?… Where’s his mom? He says he’ll be right there; hang tight. He tells Brook, it looks like she’s getting a ride after all. He couldn’t understand Leo; he was so upset. Ned did or said something. Brook says, Ned would never hurt Leo, and Julian says, he’d better not have. They leave, and Nelle comes out. She calls Martin, and asks where he is. He says he’s at The Floating Rib, where they agreed to meet a half hour ago. She says she got held up, and he says he’s charging for his time and his dinner. She says, no problem. She’s on her way now. He says he hopes whatever kept her was worth it, and she tells him, she can’t say at the moment, but she has the feeling it could prove useful.

Carly says Willow is going to be part of the family. She can’t tell Willow how grateful she is that she agreed. Willow is a strong woman, and she admires that. She knows Willow isn’t Wiley’s birth mother, but she’s shown herself to be every bit his mother by her actions. She loves Wiley, and puts him first. She couldn’t pick a better person, but is this what Willow wants? She knows Willow was with Chase, and loves him. Willow flashes back to Chase saying he loves her, and loves being with her. He thinks it’s turning into something special, and instead of looking for all the ways it could go wrong, the should look for all the ways it can go right. He’d love it if she’d move in with him. Carly asks if she’ll be able let that go.

Sonny tells Michael, Willow is a courageous young woman. He’ll always be grateful for what she did for Kristina, but is Michael sure he wants to marry her? Michael says, completely. He knows how manipulative Nelle can be, and he’s taking no chances on losing Wiley. He wants to make the strongest case possible, and Willow will be the perfect stepmother. He knows Wiley loves her. Sonny says the marriage is going to last beyond the court date. Is Michael willing to live in a loveless marriage? Michael says love hasn’t worked out for him before. He and Willow respect each other, and have been friends for a while. He likes and trusts her, and they both love Wiley. Sonny asks if Michael thinks it’s enough, and Michael says he’s doing what he has to for his son.

Cyrus says Jordan’s husband is very protective. She says, that’s Curtis, but she doesn’t need anyone to protect her. He says she’ll get no argument from him. He remembers how capable and good she is at her job. He’s always admired her efficiency. He can’t thank her enough for seeing that justice was served and exonerated, even if it was detained. She says he doesn’t have to put on an act; there’s no one else there. He says, it’s just them, and he looks forward to her acting on his behalf, especially now that he’s a resident of the community she’s sworn to serve.

Portia tells Trina, maybe it’s easier to blame Curtis, but he didn’t kidnap her, or lure her father to the warehouse. Trina says Curtis left her father in the warehouse with four guys who had guns. Portia says her father instructed Curtis to get her to a safe place, and she’s grateful he did. Trina says, she’s not.

Sonny says he wants love and passion for Michael. Not somebody who’s just trustworthy, but someone who’s compatible. Michael says, Willow is making a sacrifice too, but they agreed that Wiley was the most important thing. Beyond Nelle, they can give Wiley stability, and a happy home, with parents who respect each other. He’s taking it as a win. Sonny says, okay, and they go back to the bar. Sonny says, so they’re doing this tonight? and Michael says he has the ELQ jet ready to go to Vegas. Sonny says, not Vegas. He wants Michael to get married in Port Charles surrounded by the people he loves. Michael says he doesn’t have time to get a license, but Sonny says, no problem. He’ll make some calls, and get one. Michael shrugs, and looks at Willow.

Monica tells Ned not to let her run him out if he has more work to do. He says he was going over the next quarter’s projections, and he’s ready to pack it in. She says she can’t thank him enough for stepping in while Michael looks after Wiley. He says, family looks after family; it’s the Quartermaine way. Brook comes in with Julian, and Ned asks what she’s doing home. And why is she with Julian? Julian asks where Leo is, and Ned says, he’s asleep. Julian says, he just called; where’s Olivia? Monica says, Olivia is sleeping. She had a migraine, so Monica gave her something to knock her out. Julian says, Leo was very upset. What did Ned do? Ned says, nothing, but Julian says he was sobbing, and mentioned Ned. Ned says Leo is playing Julian. He told Leo that he couldn’t have a pet snake. He’s been obsessed ever since Violet’s birthday party. Olivia said it was out of the question. Julian asks if Ned minds if he goes upstairs to have a chat with Leo, and Ned says, of course (🍷) not. Julian and Monica go upstairs, and Brook says she told Julian that Ned would never hurt Leo. Ned says, never mind that. What the hell is she doing with Julian?

Nelle joins Martin, who says, excellent. Just in time for the bill. What does she want to talk to him about? She says, strategy. She sees Sasha, and goes over to her. She asks if it was Willow. It looks like it hurts. Sasha says, get out of her face, and Nelle asks if Sasha is going to throw a drink on her like the friend she betrayed. Poor Willow can’t catch a break.

Jordan tells Cyrus, he’s right about one thing. She serves all the people in Port Charles. He tells her, have a lovely evening. He’s sure their paths will cross again soon. He walks away.

Trina tells Portia, Curtis could have gone back in to help her dad. She begged him to, and he refused. Now his wife is trashing her dad’s reputation with a lie. Portia says, as much as they wish it wasn’t true, her father and the other men crossed a line. Curtis joins them, and says Jordan didn’t want to expose Taggert, since she knew what motivated him. Jordan comes up behind him, and Curtis says, Cyrus is a dangerous man; steer clear of him. Trina says he’s just covering for Jordan. She’s the reason Cyrus is free in the first place. They’re just as bad as Cyrus is.

Lucy tells Sasha, she’s got to go. She doesn’t want to, but she’s got to. She’s needed at the Quartermaines. Sasha ask if everything is okay. Did something happen to Michael? Lucy tells her, brace herself. Michael is going to marry Willow, and Sonny asked her to officiate. Nelle says, Michael can’t marry her, but Lucy says, yeah; he can. Michael is a Corinthos and a Quartermaine. He’s Sonny’s son, and Edward’s great-grandson. He’s part of two great pillars of Port Charles. He’s also related to the Spencers, and can do whatever he wants to do with his power and money. Sasha flashes back to telling Chase that she thinks Michael will do his best to keep Wiley safe. And she thinks before Wiley’s third birthday, maybe sooner, Willow will be madly in love with Michael, and be the happiest woman on the face of the earth. Lucy says, it speaks highly to Michael’s character. She’s never seen him throw his weight around. It must be important this time to get what he wants. She tells Sasha, please go home and rest. She doesn’t need this aggravation. She’ll call Sasha later. Ta! Nelle stomps back to Martin’s table.

Brook says, I’m happy you’re out of jail and okay. How are you feeling? Those are the words a loving father would say. He wouldn’t hang up on her, and leave her to rot. She called Julian because he was the only one available. He asks if this is going to be a regular occurrence, being tossed in jail for disturbing the peace. She says she was defending Michael’s honor. She got into it with Sasha at the boxing gym, her glove accidently collided with Sasha’s face. She flashes back to that, and Ned asks if Sasha is going to press charges, and is it going to show up online. She says, no and no. Sasha got a bloody nose, and it would have been over, except Chase got on his high horse and wrote her a ticket for she doesn’t know what. The doorbell rings, and she says, that’s probably him to write her up again. It’s Josslyn, and she asks if Michael hasn’t called them. Ned asks if there’s a reason he should, and she says, Michael and Willow are getting married. Brook says, tonight?

Nelle tells Martin, it’s obvious what Michael is trying to do, and Martin says, if Michael chooses to marry a delightful young woman he’s known for over a year, and is devoted to Wiley, and who Wiley loves, he can’t imagine the court objecting. Nelle says they need a counter move. He needs to earn his money.

Monica comes downstairs, and asks if Michael texted Josslyn. Ned says, about the wedding? and Monica says, Michael and Willow are getting married; she couldn’t be happier. Ned says he sees the legal strategy, and Brook says he’s no expert, having been blackmailed into marriage by Kathryn Bell. Ned says, Michael is going to marry a woman he never even dated? and Josslyn says she thinks it’s great. Wiley loves Willow, and she might be good enough for Michael. Sonny, Carly, Michael, and Willow come in, and Michael says, good; they’re all there. Are they ready for a wedding?

Curtis says, Trina is right; Cyrus should be in prison, but Jordan was serving the greater good. Jordan says she’s sorry Trina is hurt, and Trina says, then tell everyone her dad is innocent. Portia tells Trina, they have a more pressing matter to discuss. Trina wanted to do battle with a dangerous criminal. Promise she’ll stay away from Cyrus. Trina says, if Portia promises to make Curtis and his wife stay away from her.

Brook congratulates Willow, and welcomes her to the family. God help her. Willow says, thanks? Brook asks if that’s what she’s wearing. She’d look gorgeous in a potato sack, but let her look in her closet for something better suited to the occasion. Josslyn asks if Monica minds if she looks around, and Monica tells her, help herself to anything she thinks she can use. Sonny says he appreciates Monica doing this, and thanks her for opening up her home, and letting Michael get married there. She says Michael is her grandson, and should be married there. She asks who’s officiating, and he says, Lucy. He couldn’t find anybody. She says, he couldn’t do better than Alan’s ex-bimbo? He says, she was the only one available on such short notice. He sees Julian, and asks what Julian is doing there. Julian says, his son lives there. Sonny? Sonny says, same. Julian says he was just leaving, and Sonny says, good. Julian tells him to give Michael and Willow his best wishes. Willow cares what happens to Wiley, and deserves be with him, not Nelle.

Martin says, Nelle has the best possible case she can. She has financial means, a house, and a job. She says Michael is a CEO and lives in a mansion. Now he’s marrying Snow White. He says he can’t prevent that any more than he can conjure up a husband for her. She says, he’s a genius, and he says they’re not getting married. She tells him, calm down; they don’t have to, and she leaves.

Michael finds Willow sitting by herself, and asks how she’s holding up. She says, just fine. She’s not the fragile flower he thinks she is. He says he knows she’s anything but fragile. He’s seen how strong she is, and how hard she can fight. He’s grateful that she’s marrying him. She tells him, stop thanking her. She loves Wiley, and when she found out he wasn’t her son, she can’t describe the loss she felt. Now Wiley will be her son again. If anyone is grateful, it’s her. He says, mutual gratitude isn’t a bad foundation for a marriage, and Willow says, it will work. He says, sorry it’s so last minute, but she says she’s not. She has no time to be nervous. He says he’s not nervous. He knows it’s right, and he’s grateful she agreed. He was hoping she would accept this ring. He takes a ring out of his pocket that looks a lot like Princess Diana’s engagement ring. She says, oh my God, and he tells her it belonged to his great-grandmother Lila. He doesn’t remember her, but he’s heard stories. She was generous and kind, and saw the good in people, but she was nobody’s fool. She never got distracted be things that didn’t matter; the infighting and bickering. She was better than his great-grandfather deserved, and she was an amazing mother. He thinks Willow would be the perfect one to wear her ring. She says, it’s beautiful, but it was his great-grandmother’s ring. Maybe someone in the family should have it. He says, she is family. Does she trust him on this? She says, yes, she trusts him, and he puts the ring on her. He says, perfect fit.

Sasha and Chase meet at the pier. He asks why she couldn’t tell him over the phone, and she says she doesn’t know why it’s hitting her so hard when it’s what they wanted. Michael and Willow are getting married tonight.

Lucy gives Sonny an envelope with the license in it, and says he certainly does have friends in influential places. The judge sends his best, and wishes Michael much success. She tells him, there’s a one-day waiting period, and he says he loves midnight weddings. Technically, it will be tomorrow when it’s over. Carly brings Wiley in, and says, look who woke up. She tried to get him to go back down, but no go. Sonny says, he can join the ceremony.

Chase asks if Sasha is sure it’s tonight, and she says Michael and Willow want to get married before the hearing. He asks how she found out, and she says she was at The Floating Rib with Lucy when she got the call. He says, it must have been tough, and she says, the hardest part was seeing Nelle, and knowing it didn’t have to happen. He asks if Nelle knows about the wedding, and Sasha says Nelle went zooming back to her lawyer. She wouldn’t put it past Nelle to bother them. Should they warn them? Chase asks, who would take a call from either of them?

Carly’s phone rings, and she tells Sasha, it’s not a good time. Sasha says, Nelle overheard Lucy at The Floating Rib. She knows Michael and Willow are getting married. Carly asks if Sasha has any idea what Nelle is going to do, and Sasha says, Nelle was talking to her lawyer, then left. She wanted to give them a heads up. Carly thanks her, and says she’ll take it from there. Nothing is getting in the way of this wedding tonight.

Jordan asks if Curtis found TJ, and he says, TJ is observing a surgery. He left a message. He wonders if Cyrus is gone, but she says, security said he hasn’t left the building yet. They see Cyrus walking around, and Curtis says, visiting hours are over. Cyrus says, that’s why he’s leaving. He asks Jordan if her son doesn’t work there. In fact, he believes TJ is working tonight. Curtis says, it’s none of his business, and Cyrus says his interests are far reaching. He wouldn’t underestimate that. He walks away.

Nelle goes to Charlie’s, but Julian yells, they’re closed. She bangs on the door like a madwoman, and Julian opens it. He asks, what’s wrong with her? They’re closed. She says, trust her. He’ll want hear what she has to say.

The wedding march begins. Willow comes down the stairs in a white lace halter gown, carrying a bouquet of roses. She and Michael join hands. Lucy says they’re gathered here to witness Michael and Willow join in the bonds of matrimony.

Chase gives Sasha a beer, and asks if she’d care to join him. She says, why not? As they drink, she asks if he knows where the phrase a far, far better thing comes from. He says he doesn’t, and she says, it’s from A Tale of Two Cities. It’s Dickens, and has a convoluted plot. Sidney is in love with a girl who’s in love with an aristocrat who looks like him. Sidney sends them off to live happily ever after, and takes the guy’s place at the guillotine. As he’s climbing the scaffold to his death, he says, it’s a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done before; and it’s a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known. He says, at least they’re not getting their heads chopped off; so there’s that. She says, compared to Sidney, they’re getting off easy. They toast to Sidney.

Michael says his vows, and Willow follows. Everyone is all misty like this is a real love match. Michael puts the ring on Willow’s finger, and Lucy says, by the power vested in her by the state of New York, she now pronounces them husband and wife. She tells Michael he can kiss his bride. He and Willow kiss, and everyone applauds. Michael smiles at Willow, who looks a little dazed.

Tomorrow, Robert asks Laura why they don’t pick up where they left off, Avery asks if she’ll ever forget Ava, and Sonny needs to know what Mike wants.

Vanderpump Rules

The Toms go to SUR to clean the gender-neutral bathroom with toothbrushes. Lisa asks, what the hell? Is it blocked? Tom explains that it’s part of the softball deal. The loser had to clean the other’s bathroom. She asks why they’re wearing matching shirts, and Tom says, it’s the TomTom experience. She says they should have done something productive, like shave her legs. Schwartz asks if that’s still o on the table. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he’s having a moment. He can just picture it at Villa Rosa. Her dainty leg hanging over the tub; long, smooth, gentle strokes, making sure not to nick her leg. It smells like rose petals and $300 candles. Tom sticks a toothbrush in his mouth, and Lisa asks, what’s wrong with them?

In his interview, James says he’s back behind the booth. It’s like a new life, and it’s been a long time coming. He’s back, baby. Raquel says she’s so excited, and now she can tell her friends who have been asking about when he’s DJing. Schwartz and Tom come out of the bathroom, and Schwartz says they head by example. They’re not afraid to get their hands dirty. He supposes he should wash them. Brittany says, hi, pooper scoopers, and Tom tells her, last night, Jax told them they’re not invited, so they decided to have their own party then. Brittany says, that’s kind of messed up, and they don’t ever have people over. Tom says, they did last night. In Tom’s interview, he says he’s not dealing with the way Jax behaves. He’s over it. Brittany  tells them, do what they want to do. Tom wishes Jax would stop… Schwartz says, being an a-hole.

Brett and Dayna go to Hyde, another restaurant Charli works at. Dayna is excited for Brett to see her in a comedy setting. Charli asks if flannel is Brett’s thing, and he says, no, but we flash back to seeing him only in flannel shirts. Dayna says, he’s like a sexy Paul Bunion, but Charli says, is he? In Dayna’s interview, she says she likes Brett, and wants to see where it goes. They work at the same restaurant, they’re both single AF, they’re both hot, and have the same interests. Brett tells her that he talked to Max, and asked how he felt. He can tell something is there, and that’s the kind of friend he is. In Brett’s interview, he says, he asked Max about lunch, and he was cool. He asked about kissing Dayna, and Max was cool, but when he asked about having sex, he hit a wall. They’re murky waters, but he’s got a big boat. Onward, going at 55 knots. In the parking lot, Dayna says, it was a great night, and they kiss.

Brittany comes home, and tells Jax that he’s not going believe it. She saw Tom at work, and he and Ariana are having a pool party at the same time they are. Jax asks, why? and she says she doesn’t know. Maybe they got mad about him texting Max. Jax says everyone begged him to have Tom back in the wedding, and he shouldn’t have. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s been one thing after another. Tom didn’t come to the bachelor party, and made a scene about his pastor. Now he’s throwing a pool party the same day. What’s his problem? He asks Brittany, why are they doing this? It’s time they were done with Tom and Ariana. Brittany says it makes her sad. They have a blow-up slide coming. It’s petty. Jax says, Tom has been petty his whole life. He imitates Tom saying, oh, look what Jax wrote. He tells Brittany, he’s worse than a child. Brittany says she was there, and maybe if Jax wouldn’t have rage texted… Jax says, so she’s saying it’s all his fault? She says she’s just saying if he hadn’t messaged in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. Jax says he’s going to the gym. Brittany says, it’s the third time today, and asks if that’s where he’s really going. He says she can track him on his phone.

On Instagram, Jax says he’s taking so many classes, his wife thinks he’s leading a double life. In his interview, he says, it’s his therapy. It’s like textbook 101; when you’re angry, walk away. Shouldn’t that be anger 101? Lisa goes to TomTom, and tells the Toms they’re doing a big photo shoot for the Hollywood Reporter. They’re going to highlight all of the businesses together. Tom asks, what about having a year anniversary party after the shoot? Ken says they actually made a profit in the first year. Do they want to nearly double their money? Lisa says they’re looking at next door, and they can knock through and make it part of TomTom, or keep it separate. If it’s part of TomTom, it will be called The Garden at TomTom, but if it’s separate, it will just be The Garden. Ken says, they can invest the profit, and have 10%. Lisa says she’d like see them throw in; it’s been a great year. Schwartz says, it’s been rewarding, fulfilling, and he’s learned so much. Lisa says she’s going to cry. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, at times, the partnership was rocky. We flash back to some of that, and he says, but they made it through the first year, and turned a profit. Holy sh*t. Lisa says they need to know by Monday. Tom says he has to talk it over with Ariana, and Lisa says, that’s what he should do. Lisa and Ken leave, and Tom says, it’s decision time. Schwartz says he feels like a stud.

In his InstaStory, Jax says the women instructors are hard. They make the male instructors look like little girls. Lala visits Brittany, and says she was just texting Brittany’s hubby. Brittany says, he’s being cray-cray. Jax calls Lala, and she says she’s going to Dayna’s comedy show. He tells her not to go to Tom’s pool party. She tells him, calm down, and go workout. He says he works out so much, his wife thinks he’s messing around. What wife yells at their husband for going to the gym? Brittany says, that’s not what she did. He’s spiraling out of control, and is doing the same things he did before, and he’s going crazy on her friends. Calm down, and stop texting. She loves him. She tells Lala, he hung up. She can’t keep dealing with this crap. She’s wondering why he’s acting like this again. Lala asks if he was reactive before, and Brittany says, yes. She doesn’t want him to go back to those ways. In Brittany’s interview, she says she worked hard to forgive Jax, but even though she’s forgiven him, she hasn’t forgotten. She tells Lala that Jax is stirred up again. She’s wondering if anyone is coming, and they need a DJ. Lala asks if she should ask James, and calls him. She says Brittany and Jax are having a pool party, and she thought she’d reach out to see if he can DJ. Brittany says they thought it would be fun. James stammers a little, and says he appreciates being invited, but he already said yes to Tom. Lala says she totally gets it. When she hangs up, Brittany asks why would Tom plan something at the same time? He’s being a jerk. One person does wrong, so the other person does too. Lala says, it’s sad, and Brittany says, it’s hard to deal with when Jax is texting all of her friends.

Once again Instagramming, Jax films the outside of the gym, and says, it’s his new house, where his wife is going to divorce him because spent too much time there. Lala arrives at the comedy club, and Beau and Stassi tell her that they’ve been practicing their comedy laughs. Max shows up, followed by Brett, and Stassi says, it’s sweet. They both came to support their girlfriend. Max gives Brett a reluctant fist bump. Max asks if Brett talked to Scheana, and Brett says she just texted, asking where they’re going afterward. Stassi says, somewhere nearby, and he asks if Nighthawk is around there. A guy comes out, and does a bit using Max and Beau’s names, then introduces Dayna, who, from what little we see, isn’t bad. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Dayna has a cynical view of world that’s actually funny. Her negativity makes Stassi laugh. Dayna joins them when she’s done, and they tell her she did good. On Instagram, Jax says he has an update. His ring is back on, and his marriage is still okay. A million people keep asking, where’s his ring?

Lisa goes to the bar at SUR, and asks Ariana how she is, and if all is well. Ariana says she’s seeing a lot of the work she did over the summer come to fruition, and their book is coming out. (FYI, I got it for Christmas.) Lisa is glad to hear Ariana is doing well, and reminds her about Covenant House. Ariana says she has some clothes and cosmetic stuff. In Lisa’s interview, she says, Covenant House is a place for at risk youth that helps them transition into adulthood. She says she’ll meet Ariana there, and Ariana says, the only problem going on is the pool party thing. Lisa asks what she means, and Ariana tells her that Jax and Brittany are having a pool party. Everyone was going, and Jax started uninviting everyone. Some of them said Tom and Ariana have a pool; why not have their own pool party? Lisa says, not on the same day and time, but Ariana says, if you bully your friends for years, that’s what happens. Everybody says, screw them. What’s anyone losing by not being friends with Jax? She makes Ariana promise that when they see each other at work, it will be productive and go with a positive attitude.

Lala tells Dayna, she can finally relax; she killed her show. The group goes to Nighthawk, and Dayna thanks them for coming. Stassi says, it was a relief that Dayna was so great. She should be proud of herself. Scheana joins them, and says she could literally walk there, but she didn’t because she’s going out after this. She brings up the competing pool parties, and Lala says, that’s effed up. Scheana says she’s shooting, so she can’t go to either of them. She asks if they’re picking one or pool party hopping. Lala says she’s not going to a frat house that has no furniture, and they don’t even know if there will be food. She’ll be at Jax and Brittany’s like an adult. Scheana says, Jax texted her that she was dumb, and shouldn’t have planned to video on that day. Stassi says, for real she has to talk to him. In Stassi’s interview, she says, someone needs to say something, and she feels she’s one of the only people who can. To be frank, she thinks Jax is kind of scared of her. Lala says she heard Brett and Dayna made out. In Dayna’s interview, she says, note to self; don’t tell Lala sh*t. Lala asks, what’s the vibe? and Dayna says, there’s no vibe. Max makes fun of Dayna, and she asks if he has a problem. What did she do to him? He says she made out with his best friend. He told her how he felt. She says, he was ambiguous. We flash back to Max telling Dayna, he’s cool, but not cool. He says, she needs to control her sh*t, and Stassi says Dayna doesn’t owe Max anything. Max says he also told Brett, and Brett says he’s been honest with Max. Dayna says, they like each other and have similar interests. Brett says he respects his and Max’s friendship, and Dayna knows that. Scheana asks why they were making out, and Dayna tells her, STFU. Max thinks Brett is lying to him, and tells Brett to look him in the eye, and tell him that he doesn’t have feelings for Dayna. Brett insists he doesn’t. He’s interested in her, and they’re close, she’s someone he likes having in his life, but he doesn’t have feelings for her. I’m not sure what he calls it then. Lala says, that doesn’t even make sense (thank you). Scheana asks why they made out multiple times, and Beau says Dayna is the one feeling the most embarrassed and hurt. Stassi says, everyone has to pick a lane. Lala says, ya’ll are real messy right now, and Max tells Dayna, don’t make out with his friends. Dayna tells Max, STFU.

Back on the Gram, Jax says the male instructors must have heard him calling them girls, and took it out on him. He just had two classes that were hard as hell. At Covenant House, Lisa, Brittany, and Ariana sort the clothes. Lisa remembers when she fit in them. She asks how Brittany is, and Brittany says, it’s been a rough couple of days. Jax was rage texting, and the others got mad. They started fighting, and it trickled over. Lisa says, these are the best moments of Jax’s life; he has a new house, and just got married. Brittany says, it’s sad. Tom hurt her feelings. Everyone had to choose where to go. She feels like she tried hard. Ariana says, maybe Jax hurt their feelings. Brittany is collateral damage. Brittany says she knows, but they need to have respect for her like she does for them. In Ariana’s interview, she says she wishes Brittany could just be mad at Jax, since he created the problem. She’s married to this guy, so she married the problem. Ariana says, if not for Brittany, she doesn’t know how many friends Jax would have. Brittany thinks everyone, except for Tom, and in her interview, Ariana says, she’s not friends with Jax now.

Katie and Schwartz go to lunch, and he tells her about the one year anniversary party. It’s special night; more than she knows. They have the opportunity to parlay the initial profits into an expansion, or they can take the check, and Lisa will create a separate entity. Katie says, parlay. In Katie’s interview, she says she feels like they’ve come a long way. She feels like they’re a team. She doesn’t want to tell him what to do, but thinks he knows. He says he loves her. Katie looks at her phone, and wonders, what the hell happened? Brittany texted and said Ariana let her know that the pool party was Katie’s idea in the first place. Schwartz says, propaganda, and Katie says, she got the same story from Lala. It’s not cool. Katie calls Brittany, getting all teary. Brittany says she’s not blaming Katie. She just said it happened because of Katie. Katie says, no one is saying that. Brittany says Katie rage texts all the time, and should go easy on Jax. Schwartz says Katie took accountability, and she’s being an idiot. Katie hangs up, and says, go easy on Jax? It’s 150% his fault.

Everything is set up at Jax and Brittany’s, including the giant slide. Jax comes in, and Brittany says he looks muscular. He says, that’s what happens when you go to the gym three times a day. He’s going through crap in his head, and says things he doesn’t mean, so instead he likes to go to the gym. Brittany says Tom still hasn’t apologized, and Katie isn’t coming. Jax says, and it’s his fault. Everything he’s done, they’ve done, but the spotlight is on him. He told Brittany, do not trust these people.

Tom and Ariana get ready. Tom makes James an unleaded cocktail. Katie tells them about the text she got from Brittany, saying the pool party was all her idea, and go easy on Jax about the rage texts, since she does it too. Tom says she texts at 3 am, and isn’t manipulative. Schwartz says he’s staying out of it. People start to arrive. There’s a tent in the backyard, along with a hookah, and James in the DJ booth. Tom thanks everyone for coming, and Ariana says, let’s get wasted.

Brit cooks, while crickets chirp. A lone rubber ducky floats in the pool. Jax says they only have eight people coming, but they’re the ones he wants there. Brett, Lala, Stassi, and Beau arrive. In Charli’s interview, she says, Tom and Ariana’s pool party is lit. Who wants to be at Jax’s retirement party anyway? He’s closer to her dad’s age than hers. Katie says, Dayna has two guys, and Dayna says, and half the commitment. She still doesn’t have a whole man. Brett says Max texted him, and said he felt super bummed out and betrayed. He doesn’t want to act like it’s okay anymore. He’s staying home. Brett says he’s always been bro’s before ho’s. In Stassi’s interview, she says she doesn’t know if Brett is a poet, a philosopher, or a d-bag. Brett says all they did was make out, and it’s like World War II. Jax informs Brett hat he used to put his d*ck in anything that moved.

Dayna tells Ariana that she’s hot. Someone should screw and love her, and she’s not doing either. Katie says, that’s healthy, natural, and normal. Ariana says, there are a ton of other dudes and ladies out there. Carter thanks Ariana for having them, and Ariana asks if they’re back together. Kristen says, they’re dating. Kristen says she got a text that Stassi is making fun of their party, and Ariana says, Regina George. Stassi is a snob ass bitch. Kristen says they were making fun at Tom and Ariana not having furniture. Ariana says if she hears anyone talking sh*t about her house, she’ll clock them.

Tom asks Schwartz what he thinks about Lisa’s proposal. Schwartz says, it’s tempting to just take the check. In Tom’s interview, he says, the bigger the venture, the more potential for failure. Schwartz says he poured his heart and soul into this place, and Tom says Schwartz is his effing boy. Schwartz wants it to be this way until the day they die. James comes in, and Tom thanks him. James says it keeps him busy, and that’s a good thing to be. Tom says James has come a long way. Monday. TomTom is having its one year anniversary party. Could he possibly DJ? James says, he’d 100% love to. Tom says James being humble pie is sexy. Schwartz likes it when James is cocky too. A little part of him misses the a-hole. Katie says, WTF? James has shown a vulnerability she hasn’t seen, and didn’t think he would ever show. He’s shown growth. She wanted to rip his head off, and put it in the paper shredder. James says he’s sorry, and they hug it out. James says he hasn’t felt this good in a minute.

Stassi tells Jax, they need to talk. She feels like with what he’s doing texting people, from the outside, it looks like he’s losing his mind. He says, he is. She asks, why? and he says he doesn’t know. In his interview, he says he’s sprained his brain. When you sprain your ankle, you don’t walk on it. That’s the way the brain works. He tells Stassi, on paper, it looks like he hit the lottery, but he’s not happy. He’s not allowing himself to have a good time. Stassi says, it’s not like he’s an a-hole once a year; he’s an a-hole all the time. He says he has downtime now, and wonders if he did the right thing. What if his wife thinks he can’t make her happy? Stassi says, she is happy, and he says, it’s a lot of pressure. Stassi says, he wants to sabotage his relationship; it’s a pattern he has. Jax says, how he hurt people used to be cheating. He’d take it out on someone else. She says he has to allow the struggle, feelings, emotions, and mental health, but he has control over how he treats people. He says he’s afraid he’s going to take it out on Brittany.

Next week, the season finale, TomTom’s anniversary party, SUR’s group photo, Lisa tells Jax to take care of his wife, Max says Dayna is on a high horse, Stassi says the Witches of WeHo is done-o, and Tom tells Jax not to act like he has an effing hall pass.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Kelly gives Lushion a huge kiss, and Carl thinks that’s his cue to say goodbye. Lushion says, it’s not a cue. Carl tells Kelly that he never wants to see her under these circumstances again, and she guarantees he won’t. He says he’ll say goodbye then; awkward. Lushion says, nothing is awkward, and Kelly asks if she can go now. Carl says, yes; they’re processing her. She tells him that she’d love to have him for dinner, and he says, great. She says she’ll call him, and thanks them both again. Carl leaves, and Lushion says, what was that? Kelly says she was just happy, and he says, good. She says, he didn’t think… and he says, it was kind of personal. She says she wasn’t coming on to him; she was just happy. She’s sorry he took it the wrong way. He says they can never bring this up again, and she says she wasn’t trying to make a pass at him; she was just happy.

Lushion says, they’re clear? and Kelly says, crystal. Eddie is standing there, filming with his phone, and says he’s got it on camera, crystal clear; full HD. Lushion says, give him the damn phone, or he’ll take it. Eddie says, it looks like Lushion took lip service, and Lushion makes a grab for the phone, but Eddie keeps it out of his grasp. Eddie says, it’s going to Lushion’s wife, and Kelly suggests they tell her themselves. Eddie says, why not wait until he adds music? Kelly walks past her cell, and Eddie asks where she’s going. She says, home. Even with everything Eddie tried, she’s still going home. He asks how hell that happened, and she says wouldn’t he like to know? What the devil meant for evil, God turned into good. He says there she goes with the God stuff again. Has she ever heard of, thou shalt not kill? Enjoy her freedom. It’s the last couple days. Lushion and Kelly walk off, and Eddie calls someone, and says he has a video to edit.

Larry approaches Eddie, who asks if he sees something he likes. Larry says he just needs the $50K Eddie took from him. It’s all fun and games, but this isn’t a game. Does Eddie want to play with him? Eddie asks what Larry is referring to. He didn’t take $50K. Larry says Eddie lied to him; he’d said everything was taken care of. Eddie says he has no idea what Larry is talking about, and Larry says he expects Eddie to reimburse him within 24 hours. Eddie says, keep dreaming; that ain’t gonna happen. Larry says he’s warning Eddie, and Eddie says he’s telling Larry, dream on. Larry says Eddie took money from some very powerful people, who will have no problem giving Eddie more pain and suffering than Larry ever could. It’s his funeral. Eddie says he wants a 21 gun salute, and Larry says, duly noted. Larry calls someone to come to the office; $50K is at issue. Eddie asks if that’s supposed to make him tremble, and Larry says, it’s not rocket science. Eddie says, see him soon, and hold his breath about the $50K.

Bennet (that’s his name, right?) has come home for lunch, and compliments Tanya’s cooling. She thinks he’s just trying to make her feel better, and wonders why Randal keeps throwing things out. It’s weird, right? Bennet tells her not to worry about Randal, and she says, he’s a dork. He just stays home; what does he do? He asks why she wants to know, and she says she’s just curious. He asks if Randal is still bothering her, and she says, no. She asks if Bennet did something, and he says he has to get back to the station. He’ll be home by 5. She thanks him for having lunch with her. She says she wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to leave her. She’s been thinking about calling her parents. They said she could come home. She knows how hard it is on him. He says he doesn’t want to hear about this. He’ll be home for dinner, and if anyone comes to the door, let him know. She says, he’s not going to do anything, is he? She doesn’t want him in trouble. He knows his temper. He says he’s fine. He just wants to know.

Bennet leaves the house, and Randal asks if they can talk a second. He wants to apologize for talking to Bennet’s wife. He thinks they got off on the wrong foot, and he’s really sorry. Bennet says, okay, and Randal asks if Bennet saw anybody come in his house. It was vandalized. Bennet says he didn’t see anyone, and Randal asks if it doesn’t bother him. He told Bennet that his house was just vandalized, and he didn’t say, sorry. Bennet says he really is; it’s terrible. He asks when Randal goes to work, and Randal says, whenever he wants to; why? Bennet says he can keep an eye on Randal’s house. Randal says he’s there all the time, and Bennet says, then how did it happen? Randal says he was seeing a patient. Bennet says, Randal has patients? and Randal says he does. He can help Bennet’s wife. Bennet says they’re good. Are they doing this again? Randal just apologized. Randal asks when Bennet gets back, and Bennet says Randal doesn’t want to test him. Randal says he’s not, and Bennet says he can be a demon from hell, and will protect everything he loves. Randal asks if that’s any way for a firefighter to talk, but Bennet says he’s talking as a former marine. He drives off. Randal stands there for a moment, and goes back inside.

Alex sits at the bar. Johnny joins her, and asks, who was that guy? She says, nobody to be concerned about. Johnny says, it seemed like he knew her, and she says, he’s her neighbor. Johnny says, be sure he doesn’t come around, and Alex says, he won’t if he knows what’s good for him. She needs another drink. He says, coffee for her. She needs to sober up. She says he’s ruining this party, but he tells her that he doesn’t want her to be sick in his bed later. She says he has to understand. She’s been locked in a house playing mommy for she doesn’t know how many years. She’s so tired of it. She wants to get loose, dance, do bad karaoke, and drink. Johnny says, drink coffee. She says, that’s a mom’s drink, and he says, there are a lot of hot moms out there; drink up. He wants her to feel good.

Johnny says it looks like Alex has more company. He’ll leave that to her. Esperanza comes in with Steven, and Alex says, Esperanza wants to ride the bull, but Esperanza says, no. Alex tells Steven, it’s really fun, but he says he’s good. It’s good to see her. She says, it’s good to see him too. Wait a minute. They’re together? Steven asks what she’s drinking, and she says, anything she can get her hands on, but now she needs coffee. Steven says he’ll be at the bar. Johnny tells Steven, if he’s not drinking, he’s got to wait outside. Steven asks if Johnny is sure about that, and opens his jacket, flashing his badge. Johnny says, his apologies. Steven is good to go.

Esperanza sees Alex is drinking coffee; that’s good. Alex asks, what’s up? and Esperanza says Alex is leaving right now. Alex says she’s not going anywhere. She doesn’t want that life anymore. She needs to be free. Esperanza says Alex’s son wasn’t breathing; remember him? She shows Alex a picture on her phone, and Alex looks at it absently. Esperanza wonders if Alex isn’t going to ask how he is, and Alex asks if he’s okay. Esperanza says, he’s fine. He was just sleeping, but Marcie was at Alex’s house, and put him on his stomach. Alex says, dumb bitch, and Esperanza says, Alex is his mom. Alex says, so she’s the dumb bitch now? Esperanza says her son needs her, but Alex says, he needs Brad. Her kids deserve better than her. Esperanza wonders where this is coming from, and asks if Alex is embarrassed about the online thing. Alex says she’s not embarrassed. She doesn’t want that life anymore. How hard is it to comprendé? Esperanza says, so she’s just going to walk away from her kids, and live in a bar with a guy she doesn’t know? She doesn’t know anything about him. Alex knows he’s not Brad, and she’s ready to be a free spirit. Esperanza says she doesn’t care that Brad and Marcie are with her kids? She can explain to the kids why she’s leaving Brad. This is wrong, but at least let them know. She owes them that. Alex says, okay. She has to pack anyway. She tells Johnny that she’ll be right back. She has to pick up some things. He says he’ll be waiting for her.

Bennet goes to the police station, and tells Rick, he’d like to file a report. His neighbor is harassing his wife. He’s constantly harassing her, and going to the house when Bennet isn’t there, and knocking on the door. Rick asks if Bennet had told him to stop, and Bennet says he has, and he won’t. Rick asks his name, and Bennet says, Randal Holmes. Rick says, oh, and Bennet asks if Rick knows him. Rick says, they all know him. It’s something Randal does; it’s not the first complaint. Rick leaves to get the paperwork, and Eddie comes along. Bennet says he remembers Eddie. He’s the officer who helped with his wife. Eddie asks if he’s been keeping his bitch quiet, and Bennet says, his wife’s not a bitch. Eddie says, he’s one of those guys who still respects his woman. What’s he here for? Bennet says he’s filing a report, and Rick comes back with the paperwork. Eddie asks, on who? and Rick says Randal is harassing Bennet’s wife. Eddie says, he’s up to that again? He’ll take care of it. Rick gives Eddie the papers, and leaves. Eddie suggests Bennet skip the paperwork, and he’ll put a bullet in Randal’s head. Bennet says, this isn’t working, and Eddie says he can help out in a major way; all of Bennet’s problems will go away. Bennet says, thanks, but that’s sick. Eddie says, have it his way, and Bennet leaves. Eddie says, dumb ass, and walks away singing Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

Carl goes to Larry’s office. Larry says he asked Carl to come to discuss things. This firm needs him. Carl says, really? and Larry asks if Carl is impressed by the firm. Carl says, it’s nice, He’s familiar with their reputation, and hears they’re incredible. Larry asks how he’d like to work there. He can start at $250K, and they charge $500 an hour. Carl is a rock star. Carl appreciates it, and Larry says he’s impressed with the Kelly Isaacs case; how did Carl do it? Carl says he’s persuasive, and Larry says, clearly. Carl says Larry represents his opponent, and he shouldn’t tell him. Larry asks, why? He wants Carl on his team, and doesn’t want to be against him. It will be their little secret. Carl says he can’t do that, and Larry asks if he’s nervous. Carl says, no, and Larry says he spoke to Carl’s law professors, and they said he was a pretty average student. Carl says, he was great, and Larry says he’ll stop the bullsh*t.  He didn’t bring Carl in to offer him a job, but he’s giving Carl a chance. Carl says, for what? and Larry says, tell him how and where he got the information. Carl says he can’t, and Larry says he can and will ruin Carl’s name. He’ll call the bar and tell them Carl made illegal charges. Carl says he didn’t do anything illegal, but Larry begs to differ. Carl says he’s leaving, and Larry says, if Carl walks out, he has no hope for a future law practice. Carl says, have a good one, and Larry says, unfortunate. Carl leaves, and Larry says, another one bites the dust.

Randal takes out a piece of garbage while Tanya is taking out her garbage. Randal says, hi, and she tells him to talk to her. He asks if she doesn’t think it’s weird they’re both out at the same time. She says, don’t talk to her, and he says, okay; he won’t. He wanders across the street, and I say, ugh, out loud. He looks in the garbage, and sees a can of spray paint. He takes it, and goes back home. He compares the color with what’s sprayed on his wall, and storms back out, leaving the can. He stomps across the street, rolling up his sleeves. I have to laugh at that, since he’s like a cartoon. Tanya says she’s going to call her husband if Randal doesn’t leave her alone. He says, so she paints. Has she seen anyone go into his house? She says, no, but he thinks she did. He stands in her doorway, and she tells him, move away or she’ll scream. He says she’s good at screaming, and she says, move. He asks, who was it? Who was good at screaming in her household? Her father, who killed her dog, or her sister? She says she doesn’t have a sister, and he says, somebody is on their meds today. She says her husband will be home soon. He doesn’t like Randal, and Randal needs to be careful of his temper. Randal asks if her husband has temper enough to break in and vandalize his house. She tells him, move away from her door, but he leans further in. He says she can’t get pregnant on her meds. She goes past him, onto the lawn, and starts screaming. Natalie sees, and runs out. Marcie looks out, and sees Randal gesturing and Tanya screaming. Natalie tells Randal to get his ass away from that woman, and he tells her to get in her own damn house. He thought they didn’t come out when they hear stuff. She tells Randal, leave that woman alone. Something bad is going to happen to him. He asks if she’s threatening him, and she says, no, but she’s praying she’ll be there when it happens. She’s calling Tanya’s husband. He’s big, and she can’t wait to see him kick Randal’s ass. Randal makes fun of her, and she grabs a huge tree branch and starts whacking him with it. He says he’ll call the police, but she says she doesn’t care, and chases him back into his house.

Natalie goes to Tanya’s house, and asks if she’s all right. Tanya says, Randal is just being his usual rude self. Natalie says, don’t let him bother her. Just grab a branch, and whack his ass out, then call her. Tanya thanks Natalie for not judging her. She knows her husband told Natalie about her condition. Natalie says he did. Just take her meds and keep going. If Tanya needs her, she’s right there.

Marcie meets Natalie outside, and asks, what about Randal? Natalie says, he was after Tanya. She asks if Marcie is watching the baby, and Marcie says, her and Brad. Natalie says, you’re not supposed to put a baby on their stomach, and Marcie says she didn’t know. Natalie asks if she’s sure, and Marcie asks what she’s saying. Natalie says Marcie knows you’re not supposed to do that, but Marcie insists she didn’t know. She would never hurt the baby; he’s beautiful. Natalie tells her, call if she needs anything. Marcie asks if Natalie thinks Alex isn’t coming back, but Natalie doesn’t know.

Marcie goes back in the house, and Brad comes downstairs. He asks if he heard screaming (note to self: never rely on Brad in an emergency), and Marcie says, it was the neighbor across the street. He asks if she’s okay, and Marcie says, Randal was harassing her. He asks if he should check on her, but she says Natalie already did. Alex rolls in, with Esperanza and Steven, and Brad asks where she’s been. She says she’s here to get her stuff, and Esperanza says, and talk to the kids. Alex repeats, and talk to her kids. Brad asks if she’s drunk; she smells like alcohol. Alex says, alcohol, and probably sex. She’s sure they understand. Back the hell up then, and she’ll be gone in a minute. Brad says, fine. He’s taking the house. She says, fine with her. He can have this boring, piece of sh*t, cookie-cutter bullsh*t. He says he’s taking full custody of the kids, and she says, thank you. It’s perfect for all of them. She heads for the liquor cabinet, telling Steven, excuse me, sir. Steven grabs her before she can grab the liquor. Brad says the kids can’t see her like this. She needs to clean herself up. Alex says Brad needs to back off. She starts to go upstairs, but Brad stops her. She says she tried, and flounces out the door. Esperanza tries to catch her, but she’s halfway down the block, and says, I’m out, bitches. She strides down the street. Esperanza tells Steven, she needs to come to her senses, but he says there’s nothing they can do for her. Alex bangs on Randal’s door, and he says, what the hell? She tells him that she needs a drink, and walks past him into the house. Everyone is like, what?

Steven tells Esperanza that Alex will be fine, and steers her back to the car. Randal asks Alex, what the hell is wrong with her? and she asks where the booze is. She finds some, and asks, what the hell happened in here? She laughs, and he says, get the hell out. She says let her finish her drink. She drains the glass, and he says, get the hell out of his house. She says, gladly, and unzips his pants. He says, get the hell… out of… his house…

While Natalie is cleaning up, Eddie walks into her house. She grabs a knife, and says, did he just walk in the door? He says, it was unlocked, and she asks if he’s lost his mind. He says, a while ago. She asks what makes him think he can walk into somebody’s house, and he says, white MF’ing privilege. He can do what he wants. She tells him, get the hell out of her house right now. He says the last time she came at him with a knife, he tazed her ass. He shows her the screen on his phone, and says, look.

Next time, Ian tells Larry that he’s trying to protect the firm, Eddie asks Randal what’s wrong with him, and Eddie tells Natalie to check on what’s going on.

🌇 Later Than Late…

Since I have to get some of that pesky sleep, see you at the same time tomorrow, but earlier. Meanwhile, stay busy, stay active, but don’t stay around too many people yet.

May 8, 2020 – Which Way Did They Go, Today’s GH, Get Well Soon, Tyler’s Royals, Happy 10th, Hello Elijah, Golden Girl, Chef Spat, BH Dish, Nosy Husband, No Charm, Virtual Andy, Quotes of Eight & Could Be Worse


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


Shahs of Sunset

Your guess is as good as mine as to what happened here. Part one of the Reunion was supposed to air at 9 pm, but somehow it turned into The Notebook. I checked everywhere – Bravo’s site, Twitter, Facebook, Google – nothing. I saw the question being posed on the Shahs Facebook page, but no one answered. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I even checked through the entire next week of the digital guide, and nada. Is there a lawsuit pending? As soon as I find out what the blip is going on, I’ll let you know.

It was probably just as well, since I have a sick child dog who had to stay at the hospital tonight, and I’m just a wee bit distracted. I poured an entire pot of tea though, for your entertainment pleasure.

Casey-December14-2013 (3)

My Little Man

🏥 Today, General Hospital’s Flashback Friday was the episode where Jordan and Curtis got married on The Haunted Star. Then found Kiki’s body in their wedding night stateroom. And they still haven’t gone on their honeymoon.

🤕 At Least He Didn’t Lose His Head This Time…

I love Joey Pants! Wishing him a smooth recovery.


👑 Two Degrees Of Royalty…

Along with Josh Altman giving his two cents.


👒 I Can See the Resemblance…

But does she still have that nutcracker?


🏝 Hawaiian (Re)Hash…

No earth shattering revelations.


👶🏽 A Distant Meeting…

GG’s baby Elijah makes his quarantine debut with the cast.


And takes a stroll(er).


💃🏽 Looking Good As Gold…

TBH, I kind of forgot about her.


🍽 Dinnerware Debate…

If you’re back is to the rack, you’re under attack.


💋 Joanna Explains It Not At All…

I never heard someone use so many words to say they weren’t talking about something. Note to Joanna: I can’t comment on that is sufficient.


👉 Stay Out Of Women’s Business…

But if it’s a reality show, and the reality is, Denise’s husband wants to get involved with her issues, what’s the problem?



🍹 Methinks He’s Thirsty…

I barely remember this dude, and if he hadn’t brought it up, I wouldn’t have remembered this incident at all.


🖥 Virtual Reality…

Andy dishes on the VPR reunion.


🦥 Pandemics Make Strange Bedfellows…

It’s bigger than the Teddy Bear’s Picnic.


🗿 Quotes of the Week

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.Theodore Roosevelt

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. – Groucho Marx

The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need tomorrow. – Robert Tew

It’s a baby, not a weedwhacker. – Danny (Gary Valentine), King of Queens, when Doug wants to borrow his baby.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead

It is easier to change a man’s religion than to change his diet.Margaret Mead

We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems. – Margaret Mead

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.Maya Angelou

🍾 Everybody’s Not Working For the Weekend…

I hope you’re making the most of any new free time you have, and changing it up on the weekend. Remember…


May 7, 2020 – The Plan Is In Motion, the Curse Is Lifted, Warring Restaurants, Beverly Hills Drama, Breaking the Wall, a Surprise For Jax, Tucci’s Negroni, Happy Dog & Loaf’s Light


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

You guessed it. I missed the beginning. Why break a streak? There was mostly a lot of backtracking. The only new news was, Laura and Carly meet at the MetroCourt, and Finn runs into Willow at the hospital.

Laura says she knows Carly is busy, and the Nurses Ball is just around the corner. Carly says, Michael’s custody case is tomorrow. She’s done everything she can to strengthen it, and hopes it’s enough.

Trina sees Portia at the hospital, and Portia asks how the movie was. Trina says the movie was fine, but the four of them being together was awesome. Portia wonders why she’s back. She thought Josslyn’s driver would take Trina home. Trina says they offered, but she wanted to drive back with Portia. Doesn’t that make her a thoughtful daughter? Portia says, it does, unless she’s worried about not being safe. Then it makes her anxious.

Jason and Sonny meet Curtis at the pier. Sonny says they were giving Cyrus room to let TJ go, and Curtis says, all eyes are on Jordan now. Sonny asks how TJ is, and Curtis says, good; he’s back at work. Jason asks how TJ’s memory about the kidnapping is, and Curtis flashes back to TJ telling him and Jordan about being abducted, and telling Chase that he didn’t get a good look at them. Curtis tells Jason and Sonny, it’s sketchy, and Sonny says, that’s a good thing. The less TJ remembers, the safer he is from Cyrus.

Mac shows up at Jordan’s office, and says he’s been working non-stop on TJ’s kidnapping. Jordan says she appreciates it, and asks how it’s going. Mac flashes back to TJ telling him about how he heard a train, the basement was damp, and he also thought there was construction in the area. Mac says he spoke to TJ this morning, and TJ remembered a few more details. He’s hoping to piece it together, and narrow down the area. She asks if he’s had any luck, and he says he’s getting closer. There are still a lot of questions, and he’s hoping she can point him toward the answers.

Laura says, Nelle is dangerous, isn’t she? and Carly says, she’s a relentless nightmare. Carly flashes back to confronting Nelle about pretending she slept with Sonny; Nelle causing Carly to think she was being haunted by Morgan; and Nelle telling Carly she has 5% of the ELQ shares, and a room at the Quartermaines, and saying, Carly doesn’t know what she can do to blow Carly’s entire world apart. Carly remembers Nelle saying Michael was abusive, that she’s never going to see her grandchild, and Carly’s mom is going to lose her license. She flashes back to Nelle telling her about how they met when Nelle was a child, and Carly trying to get her to do the right thing, but Nelle saying she’s going to bankrupt the hospital, and it’s all Carly’s fault. Laura says, it’s not just Michael that Nelle wants to bring down. She’s filed a lawsuit against GH. Carly says, Nelle did that to force Michael into giving her custody; it’s just collateral damage. Laura says she doesn’t think the hospital’s insurance is going to cover it. They see Cyrus at the bar, and Carly says, you’ve got to be kidding her. Laura can’t believe he’d have the nerve to set foot in Carly’s establishment. Carly says, if it were up to her, he’d still be in Pentenville.

Curtis says, from what he can tell, the police department found nothing that links Cyrus to TJ, although Mac is getting closer. Sonny says, it doesn’t surprise him. It’s a high-profile case, and Mac is the Chief of Detectives. Curtis says, Mac is making it his personal mission to find out. We flash back to Mac telling Jordan where he thinks TJ was held, and suggesting they get surveillance footage from the bodega on the corner. Curtis says, if he finds out… Jason says, it will put TJ and Jordan in danger. Sonny asks where Jordan is, and Curtis says, she’s not coming. She doesn’t even know the meeting is happening. Sonny asks, why not? and Curtis says he’s not sure Jordan is ready to talk about what needs to happen next, but he sure as hell is.

Jordan asks what Mac is thinking, and Mac says he doesn’t understand why Jordan was sent text messages that seemed to be from TJ. We flash back to Jordan getting the messages, and Curtis saying that TJ is just taking some space. Mac wonders, why go through the trouble of convincing her that TJ is safe?

Finn tells Willow that he knows his brother hurt her. There’s no excuse, but it took courage for him to face her, and own up to what he did. She says he sounds proud, but he says, after what Chase did, he wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to see him again, but he did talk to her and explain. She says she saw him when she went to get her things. She knows he’s sorry. She is too, but that doesn’t change anything. Sasha comes out of the elevator, holding a bloody towel to her nose, and Michael is with her. He looks sheepishly at Willow.

Laura tells Carly, Nelle is claiming the head of the hospital and a senior staff member conspired to give Wiley surgery without permission. We flash back to Nelle saying she didn’t sign the form, and everyone else saying she did. Laura says, charges like that aren’t covered by insurance. If the hospital did have to pay, along with all the negative press that would come with it, she’s not sure GH would survive. Cyrus approaches their table, and says, it does sound dire.

Mac wonders, why no ransom? Why did they want Jordan to think TJ was just letting off steam? Jordan says she’s wondered herself. Maybe they were biding their time. He says, for what? She wishes she knew. TJ didn’t hear them talking, so unless he remembered… We flash back to TJ saying he was chloroformed before he could identify anyone. (I just thought, what about the dude with the Kentucky ringtone? Didn’t TJ interact with him? Why didn’t Mac ask for a description?) Mac says nothing like that has happened, and she says, it sounds like he has a theory. Lay it on her.

Curtis says, the less he knows about Sonny’s methods, the better. Jordan is the Police Commissioner, and can’t be near what happens next. Once she threw Taggert and the others under the bus, and Cyrus’s sentence was vacated, they were supposed to handle him. It’s how Sonny maintains peace and protects his loved ones. Sonny says, it is, and Curtis says, with all due respect, what’s taking so long?

Portia says she knows Trina is still processing everything. It takes time, but constantly worrying about her isn’t going to help. Trina says she just wants to spend extra time together. Portia asks if Trina is sure it’s not because she doesn’t want to be home alone, and Trina admits she’s right. She says she’d rather wait with Portia. Portia says, it’s okay. What happened to Trina’s father was the exception, not the rule. The police department keeps the town safe. Trina asks how she can say that. Jordan is the Commissioner, and threw her dad under the bus. We flash back to Jordan telling Trina about the undercover operative, and Taggert tampering with evidence to make sure Cyrus was found guilty. Trina asks Portia how she can trust anything that has to do with Jordan?

Carly tells Cyrus, they were having a private conversation. He says he didn’t mean to interrupt, and Laura says, and yet he has. He says, after decades of hearing almost nothing but male voices, forgive him for being drawn to the siren song of female conversation. He’s sorry; however… Laura says, an apology followed by a however, and he says, the future of General Hospital is a matter that concerns everyone in Port Charles. Laura says, she’ll keep everyone posted, and he says, knowing her steady hand is at the reins remediates his concern. Carly asks if she missed the part where he told her what he wanted, and Cyrus sits down. He says he wanted to know her and Sonny’s address, so he can invite them to his housewarming party. They’ve been so gracious in welcoming him, he’d like to return the gesture.

Jason understands Curtis’s concern, but they have to move carefully, and not rush in. They both know that if they force it, things can go sideways, and who knows how it will play out. Curtis says he has a family now, and all he can think about are Trina and Cameron, and how one bullet was all that was separating them from life and death. He flashes back to pulling Trina out of the warehouse, and says, he hears Trina calling out for the father he couldn’t save. Sonny says, it couldn’t happen at a worse time for all of them. Curtis says, Stella told him what’s going on with Sonny’s father, and Sonny says Curtis knows he wants to neutralize Cyrus as much as he does. He’s trying to solve the problem, and doing everything he can. Curtis has his word. The plan is already in motion.

Mac tells Jordan, without a ransom demand, the kidnappers weren’t motivated by financial gain. The only other reason would be to gain leverage, but the only person connected to TJ with power and influence is Jordan. She says, TJ was returned, and he asks if any demands were made. Jordan flashes back to meeting with Cyrus in prison, Harmony’s subsequent visit with Cyrus’s instructions, and finally admitting to Sonny what’s going on. She remembers Sonny saying she told him Cyrus came to Port Charles for personal reasons, and that means her. She tells Mac, nothing. He tells her that he’s grateful for the job. He appreciates her trusting him, and has come to think of her as a friend, as well as a boss. Jordan says, the feeling is mutual, and he says if she ever wants to talk, about the job or anything else, he’s there.

Willow asks, what happened? and Sasha says she just has a bloody nose. Finn says he’ll have a look, and takes her into an examining room. Willow asks if Michael wants to talk about it. He says he and Brook ran into Chase and Sasha at the boxing gym. Tempers flared, and Brook accidentally punched Sasha. We flash back to Brook accusing Sasha of being too shallow to see Michael for who he is, and saying she could have been sitting pretty, then punching her. Willow asks, if Chase was there, why didn’t he drive Sasha?

Carly tells Cyrus, it’s thoughtful of him to include them, but they have a lot going on. Their plate is full, and their calendar is booked. He says, what a pity. He’d like to send one anyway, in case the day opens up. She says he can send it there or the coffee warehouse; he knows that address. We flash back to the ambush at the warehouse, and he says, why would he? She says, it’s a business address. She’s sure it’s as easy to find as a pub in Brooklyn. He says now she’s making him hungry for a pastrami sandwich. He can’t remember the last time he had one. Do they serve them there? She says, no; they don’t. He sighs, and says he hopes Laura’s schedule is a bit more accommodating. Laura says, the city is going through a major crimewave, and he says, tragic stuff. He hopes she gets a handle on it soon. She says, in the meantime, it’s keeping her busy, so she’ll have to pass. He says, it’s a shame. He was hoping the both of them could attend; or rather, all three of them. He doesn’t know if Sonny told Carly – he knows Sonny doesn’t like to burden her with the details of coffee importing – but he and Sonny reached an understanding. Laura says, about what? and he says, a conflict of interest, but it’s all cleared up. He’s planning on making a memorable debut in Port Charles. Laura says, he’s a memorable guy, and he says, likewise; they both are. They can expect invitations. He certainly knows where Laura lives. Carly says, it’s a matter of public record, but he makes it sound ominous. He says, it’s unintentional. He starts to leave, and says he’ll put them both on his Christmas card list. Laura tells Carly, raincheck? and Carly says, absolutely.

Curtis asks what he needs to do, and Jason says, keep doing what he’s doing; keep living his life. Curtis says, maintaining cover, and Jason says, the best thing to do is put on a normal front. What they have in mind takes time. Curtis says, how much time? and Sonny says, it depends. Jason says, if they attack now, while Cyrus is parading around town acting like the wronged party, it could draw unwanted attention. Sonny says, it’s the last thing they need. Curtis says, so he’s waiting for better optics? Sonny says, he and Cyrus reached a truce. Curtis says, which means? Sonny says, they dig in and play nice, until they find the right moment to act. Curtis flashes back to Jordan wondering if she should confess. He says while Sonny tries to thread a very narrow needle, Jordan is stuck on a tightrope.

Jordan says she appreciates Mac’s loyalty and friendship. He’s glad to hear it, and she says there’s nothing about the kidnapping she’s not telling him. He hopes she’s not offended, and she says she knows how it looks from his end, and that he had to ask. She’s glad to have the right man on the case, and has every confidence that he’ll get to the bottom of the kidnapping. Mac says he’ll stay on it until he does.

Curtis goes to Jordan’s office. She says, it’s good to see him, and kisses him. He asks if she thinks she can drop everything and join him for a late dinner. She says she was wrapping things up, but she wants to check on TJ at the hospital. He asks if everything is okay, and she says, it’s fine, but it will be better once she sees him. They leave, and Mac watches.

Finn checks Sasha’s nose, and says, good news; it’s not broken. She’ll want to put ice on it to keep the swelling down. She says, so much for the new face of Deception. They haven’t even launched yet. She’s glad the paparazzi weren’t there to see it. She knows Chase told Finn, and he knows everything. Finn says he wanted Chase to walk away from a well-intentioned disaster before it got worse. He flashes back to telling Chase, it’s not fair to Willow that her next decision is based on a lie; fix it. He tells Sasha, for what it’s worth, he thinks they should both come clean. She says, then what? Everyone is happy? He says, that sounds better than what they’re doing now. She says, it would be for her and Chase, but Michael and Willow will never be happy if Nelle gets Wiley.

Portia says she doesn’t like it any more than Trina does, but Trina’s father trusted Jordan. Trina says, clearly, he shouldn’t have, but Portia says, it’s not their call. Even if they don’t know the reason, that should count for something. Trina says, maybe. She’ll get back to Portia on that. Portia says they can agree Trina’s father would want her to move forward, and focus on her future, not his past. Trina says he wanted to watch her grow up. Now he doesn’t get what he wants. It’s not fair. Portia hugs her, and says she knows.

Sonny goes the MetroCourt, and Carly says he just missed Cyrus. He asks if there were any problems, and she says Cyrus was pretending to be nice, and denying he was a threat. Sonny asks what she means, and she says Cyrus wanted their address, so he could invite them to his house warming. She told him that he already had it, since he tried to gun them down. Then he invited Laura, making it clear that he knew her address. Sonny says he’s there now, and she asks, how much longer is Port Charles going to have to endure this guy? 

Portia asks if Trina feels better, and Trina says, a little bit. Because she has a great mom, not because she despises Jordan any less. Portia says, Jordan’s not the enemy. Trina says, no, she isn’t. He is. Cyrus walks toward them, and Trina stomps up to him. She says she knows who he is, and he says he’s so sorry to hear about her father’s death. She tells him that he doesn’t sound sorry. He sounds like someone who needs to be stopped. He says, it’s a misunderstanding. Curtis and Jordan arrive, and Curtis tells Cyrus, back off. Stay the hell away from her.

Finn tells Sasha, there will be some bruising, but no scar. She thanks him, and says she knows he’s worried about her and Chase, but they know what they’re doing. He tells her, if she says so. He noticed how she looked at Michael. She says she wasn’t looking any kind of way at him, and Finn says, she loves Michael, and Chase loves Willow. Is the best solution really to play God with everyone’s life?

Michael tells Willow that he wasn’t going to make Sasha call a Ride Share. Chase was reading Brook the riot act, so he drove her. It’s hard, turning off the feelings. She says she knows. Tomorrow is Wiley’s custody hearing, and they have to be ready. He says, they will be.

Carly asks Sonny, remember the time they got married so she couldn’t testify against him? He says, which one? and she says, either one. Is there anything she needs to know? He says, for now it’s best… and she says, to wait until she needs to know. She wants him to promise her he’s going to end it, and he says he promises. She asks, when? and he flashes back to making Cyrus an offer. Sonny tells him, he can live there, but he can’t move his merchandise through Sonny’s territory. Cyrus says, they have a deal, and they shake hands. Afterward, he tells Jason, they’re buying time. When Cyrus stops looking at him out of the corner of his eye, they’ll take him out. He tells Carly, sooner than their friend Cyrus thinks.

Mac sees Laura, and asks if she’s looking for the Commissioner. Laura asks if she’s in, and he says they both missed her. He has some things for her to sign, but it can wait until morning; closed cases. Can he help her? She says, not unless he can get rid of Cyrus for her.

Cyrus says he doesn’t believe he and Curtis have been introduced. Curtis says Cyrus knows damn well who he is. He’s Jordan’s husband. And he knows who Cyrus is; he knows everything about him. Play his game somewhere else, and stay away from Trina and Portia. Understand?

On Monday, Nelle is prepared to make Julian a generous offer, Chase wonders who will help Brook if her father doesn’t, Finn asks someone to meet him at The Rib, and Willow asks Michael if he can marry a women who will probably never be in love with him. The digital guide lists tomorrow’s show as the one from November 27, 2018.

The Real Housewives of New York City

LuAnn goes to Tavern on the Green to meet Jacques, who is still pretty cute. In her interview, LuAnn says they were together for four and a half years. She’d just gotten divorced and her kids were teenagers. We flash back to that time, and she says they have a healthy relationship, and check in with each other. Now he’s engaged, and she’s happy that he’s happy. She tells Jacques that her probation is over, and it feels good to move forward. It’s been two years. He asks, what’s next? and she says she’s taking it day by day. She’s with the girls a lot, and they like to drink, but she promised herself that she’s not going to right now. She hasn’t decided either way, but she’s wondering if can have wine with dinner. (Yep. It’s always wine with dinner.) Jacques says, he thinks a glass of red wine is fine, if she can manage to have one. She says, not two? And he says, one. One or none. He’s not worried though, and says, whatever she decides will be the plan and she’ll follow it. In LuAnn’s interview, she says having his support makes her happy. He knows her well, and he’ll have her back no matter what she decides. She recently got involved with a podcast called Chanel in the City, and she’s co-hosting an event featuring comedy. Jacques recently started doing stand-up. She’s researching material for Marry-F***-Kill, and asked him to make a guest appearance. She tells him that she’s performing Feeling Jovani at the event, and he says he hasn’t heard it. She plays it on her phone, and he asks who Jovani is. She says, that’s the best question ever.

Dorinda gazes at her and Richard’s old townhouse. In her interview, she says, today, she’s visiting old haunts. The townhouse was a special place for her and Richard. He carried her over the threshold. They had a huge garden, lots of wonderful dinners, and hosted parties. Everyone who was anyone walked through their doors. It was a beautiful, growing, loving time for them. She goes to Nello, and maître d Jon, greets her. She points out the ring she’s wearing, and says Richard gave it to her there on their five-year anniversary. The restaurant is where they always celebrated. In Ramona’s interview, she says, Dorinda has been dredging up a lot, and talking about Richard non-stop. Sonja, Ramona, and Elyse join Dorinda. Sonja pulls a shaker out of her purse, and says she’s on liquids, since she broke a zipper putting on her dress at the fashion show. In Sonja’s interview, she says she does an occasional detox of all liquids. Day three is always the worst. Dorinda says Sonja’s show was incredible, and she loved how Sonja diffused things with Leah. In her interview, Sonja says, Leah doesn’t wear the same kind of sparkly numbers the other girls do. She thought Leah would like the cashmere twin-set. She does. That’s why it has her name on it. She says, it couldn’t be worse. They’re eating this gorgeous food, while she’s eating this putrid-looking soup. Dorinda says she and Leah had a great talk. Leah is an interesting person. We see a clip of the two of them, hanging out at a bar and talking. She says Leah is very open. If she’s asked a question, she’ll answer it. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she feels like Leah has access to Tinsley in a different way. She wants to go to lunch with the two of them, and thinks maybe Leah can provide Tinsley with a comfort level or a connection, and maybe bring them back together. Ramona asks, who’s going to LuAnn’s thing? Elyse asks if LuAnn is drinking, and Ramona says, she’s taking it day by day. Elyse says, so she’s not committed to it long term? and Ramona thinks that would be setting herself up for failure. In Ramona’s interview, she says, if LuAnn wants to drink again, it’s her choice. She’s a big girl, and a responsible woman. As long as she’s not out of control, Ramona is supportive. Dorinda points out that Elyse only ate half her pasta. That’s why she’s a size zero, and Dorinda is a six. She’s a full-figured lady. Since when is a six full-figured? And while I’m on the subject, since when would a six fit Dorinda?

Tinsley and Dale go out to lunch. In Tinsley’s interview, she says her mom loves to come to town. Seeing the babies (Tinsley’s dogs) is a new excuse. They’re Dale’s grandchildren. Who knows if she’ll have any others. She thanks Dale for taking care of the dogs while she was gone. Dale says she loves them, but they’re a lot of work. Boy, don’t I know about that. Tinsley says she and Bruce are done. In her interview, she says that they broke up, and it was a mature ending. They don’t hate each other; they’re just done. Dale says she never even met him. She can’t imagine Tinsley living in Chicago, and Tinsley says she thinks that was part of the attraction. Bruce was a Chicago guy. In her interview, Tinsley says she thinks she just wanted to be in Chicago, but she doesn’t know. She tells Dale that Bruce couldn’t make time in his life for her, and Dale says, his life is set, and he doesn’t need any complications. He probably decided it was too much for him. She asks how Tinsley feels, walking the runway after all those years. Tinsley says she loved it, and Dale says when she’s on stage, she’s happy. Tinsley says, it makes ger irritated with the girls that she is younger, but she’s done a lot, and it’s never acknowledged. No way is she letting them gang up on her again. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she’s not letting them walk on her again. Particularly Dorinda. Dale says, the only thing that worries her is the issue of a baby. She’s afraid Tinsley is going to miss out if she dies before that happens. She’d like to croak after the baby is born. Tinsley says she can’t croak before. She promised to help Tinsley take care of it.

Sonja goes to Englewood, New Jersey, where the office for her brands is. She meets with VP Laura, and CEO Gaurav. She tells Laura that she’s annoyed that her clothes don’t fit. In Sonja’s interview, she says, she and Gaurav been in business many years, and just had a fantastic show. HE needs to show her the money. Gaurav says they have a very select customer, and Sonja says that’s why they’re expanding their base. She knows they lost money up front; that’s the business. She asks if they got sales from the show, and he says, no. She says, what the hell? In her interview, she says she knows there were losses up front, but seeing it on paper makes it real. There is a future. That’s why they’re working hard to make a profit. She tells Gaurav, she thinks Century 21 will be good exposure. In Sonja’s interview, she says, they sell online, but she recently got a call from Century 21, and they want to buy her collection. She wants to see what they have to say.

Leah talks to Rob. In her interview, she says, they never married, and she’s upset that he never proposed. It took a long time, but they made a point of being best friends, and being there for their daughter. Even though they live in separate houses, two blocks away. She tells him that Kier said he likes someone, but he says, no; he was talking about someone he worked with. She says they need to date people; this isn’t normal. He says he’s done, and she asks if he isn’t lonely. She is. She wants passion and romance. In Leah’s interview, she says she thinks they should date more, and show as parents that they can maintain a healthy relationship. She wonders if they’re going to be single forever. She tells Rob, her mom still isn’t talking to her, and in her interview, explains that when she decided to drink, her mom stopped speaking to her. She tells him that her mother won’t be happy until she’s in church, repenting. She did that once, and the priest hit on her, and asked how many partners she’d had. Obviously, she lied about the number.

LuAnn goes club Slate, which has a giant slide from the third to first level. LuAnn meets with podcast host Chanel, and says she loves the room. In LuAnn’s interview, she says Chanel asked her to be on the podcast, and they’re hosting a comedy event to benefit Stomp Out Bullying and Fortune Society, that helps people get their lives back after incarceration. Jacques arrives, and LuAnn says he’s going steal the show. In her interview, she says Jacques is engaged to a lovely lady, and has her stamp of approval. LuAnn wants to introduce Jacques by saying she wants to set the record straight; she never screwed the pirate. Jacques doesn’t think it’s funny, and she says if she’d done it, she’d be defensive, not joking about it.

Leah picks up Ramona, who says, it’s weird being back in the city. She wants to get in the fall swing of things. Now that she’s settled in more, she feels good. Leah says she texted her mom that she wanted to stop fighting – life is too short – but she got no response. Ramona says she told Leah, go in person. The only way to maybe come to terms is to go there physically. In Leah’s interview, she says, the nine years she didn’t drink helped, and now her parents are closer. When her mom is disapproving, it takes her back to her teen years. Ramona tells her, mothers deserve respect, even if they’re not always right. Leah says she shouldn’t be judged by her failures, but her achievements, and starts to cry.  Ramona says Leah’s mother is afraid Leah will fail again; she’s scared. In her interview, Leah says that Ramona and her mom are complete opposites, but having Ramona’s attention in a maternal way is comforting. Ramona says, people hide behind texts. She asks what Leah’s mom’s favorite flower is. Leah says, lilacs, and they’re also her favorite. Ramona says they’re her mother’s favorite too. She tells Leah to bring her mother a bouquet, and say she’s sorry she disappointed her. Leah says they need comedy now.

In her interview, Ramona says podcasts are gaining popularity, but she doesn’t have time for them. Dorinda suggests that she, Leah, and Tinsley have lunch together. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she doesn’t like the idea. She doesn’t need someone else there. In Leah’s interview, she says, Dorinda thinks she would be a great mediator, but Tinsley’s not batsh*t crazy. Her being the voice of reason is scary. Jacques asks if Ramona has ever bullied anyone, and we flash back to several of the many times she has. She says she doesn’t think so, and he asks Dorinda, who says, no. We flash back to ditto. Dorinda says she used to fight the bullies who picked on other kids. Sonja says she’s glad she and Leah talked it out. In Leah’s interview, she says maybe she misread things, and Sonja wasn’t doing some weird shady sh*t, but she doesn’t think so. It’s not a big deal though. Sonja sent her a pair of pajamas. She can get over it. Dorinda says she doesn’t think LuAnn is an alcoholic. Tom literally drove her to drink. In Dorinda’s interview, she says LuAnn always says, it’s not about Tom, but it was. It was fast and furious, and stressful, beyond LuAnn’s control. She turned to the tipple. LuAnn says she needs some water, and picks up a glass. Ramona tells her, it’s all vodka, but she takes a sip anyway. Then takes another. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, it tastes so good. Dorinda says, it’s over; let the curse be lifted. In Ramona’s interview, she says, it was bound to happen. All she had was a sip. Dorinda says, it’s a big moment. No one is judging or cares. In her interview, LuAnn says, to be able to take a sip of vodka and not get arrested is huge. She doesn’t have to make excuses; she’s a grown woman. She’s ready. Elyse asks if she isn’t in AA, and Dorinda says Elyse isn’t the judge and jury. Elyse says she’s not, but if you’re in AA, you want to resist. Dorinda tells her to mind her own garden. In Elyse’s interview, she says she knows Dorinda and LuAnn are drinking buddies, but LuAnn just got out of AA and off probation. If LuAnn was her buddy, she’d be pulling the drink out of her hand.

LuAnn is introduced, and says she’s proud to be part of the organization. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, there’s so much going on, she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Were you bullied, in jail, or are you part of the comedy act? LuAnn reads an entry from her journal, and jokes about it. In her interview, Dorinda says she’s proud of everyone that tries. LuAnn makes her pirate joke, and introduces Jacques, who takes the stage. He says he was bulled as immigrant because of his name, which people pronounced Jackass. Sonja says, he could be funny, but she can’t understand him. Dorinda wishes  there was a bouncing ball of interpretation. Jacques says he’s sorry to interrupt Sonja, who insists she’s listening. It’s just these cackling bitches. In her interview, she says, maybe in France he’s hilarious. Ramona decides she’s bored and gets up. In Sonja’s interview, she says she usually has the pulse of the room, and there’s no pulse here. She can’t eat, can’t drink, and it’s not funny. She leaves with Ramona, and they go to the bathroom. LuAnn sings Money Can’t Buy You Class, and the crowd joins in. Elyse says Ramona dances like Elaine on Seinfeld.

Sonja tells Dorinda, she’s not drinking, and LuAnn is. In her interview, Sonja says, the last thing she wants is LuAnn drinking – without her. Tinsley goes down the slide, and Leah follows. Ramona thinks it’s the funniest part of the night. Tinsley says she wants to work on herself, and she’s not ready to be set up. She wants to be single for a little bit. Ramona is proud Tinsley made the decision to end something, and is taking charge of her life. She tends to stay to the bitter end. Dorinda goes down the slide, then LuAnn, and Sonja nearly slams into her. Dorinda tells Leah that Tinsley seems apprehensive about the lunch, and Leah says Dorinda is a little intimidating. Dorinda tells Tinsley that Leah said Tinsley is intimidated by her, and in Leah’s interview, she says, Dorinda and tequila, no Bueno. Ramona asks if she’s scary, and Leah says, not really. In her interview, Dorinda says, of course Tinsley is intimidated by her. She’s intimidated by a butterfly. Tinsley says she doesn’t need Leah to have lunch with Dorinda, and Dorinda says she thought it would be nice for her. Leah has positive access to Tinsley in a different way. Tinsley says she doesn’t need other people to help solve her issues. Dorinda says, everything she does is no good. Sonja says, here we go again. Tinsley says she’s sick of people talking for her, and Sonja can’t believe that they’re fighting at an anti-bullying event.

LuAnn plays ping-pong with Ramona. Dorinda tells Tinsley, she came with good intentions. She’s leaving because she’s starting to get mad. In Leah’s interview, she says, Dorinda and Tinsley are so stuck, they don’t need a mediator; they need a miracle. Tinsley says, way to make it work.

Next time, Dorinda thinks Ramona is behind a Page Six item about her, Dorinda tells Tinsley that her gum lasts longer than Tinsley’s relationships, the women go to an orchard where there’s a hayride, a corn maze, and a winery tasting.

🔪 On Top Chef, Gregory and Kevin were going to have their concepts come to life, and drew knives as to who would pick someone first for their team. Kevin got the first choice. His team consisted of Bryan, Melissa, and Karen, all Restaurant Wars winners. Gregory’s team included Brian full of Malarkey, Lee Anne, and Stephanie, Lee Anne described the team as a bunch of wild cards. Gregory wanted his diners to feel like they’d been whisked away to the Caribbean, while Kevin wanted to present a style of country cooking not usually found outside of people’s homes. Gregory said it best in his interview, by telling us, it was quite an undertaking in the timeframe they had.

The chefs had 48 hours to plan, and no restrictions. They began by planning their menu, setting up their kitchen, and selecting the décor. The winning team would split $40K, and get a subscription to Open Table stockware to help run their restaurants.

While buying dinnerware, Kevin nearly had a fistfight with Lee Anne and Brian full of Malarkey when he’d put down some plates only to have them end up with the other team. Lee Anne swore they had no idea Kevin was saving the plates, and Karen diffused the situation, talking Kevin down. While part of the teams began cooking, the rest set up the restaurants. Kevin hit another snag when his curry brand wasn’t available. He was concerned that it was going to be struggle to get out his twelve dishes. Karen felt she was spread too thin, and not dedicating enough time to both the front and back of the house.

Karen explained to the diners that Country Captain was family style, and really a feast. Melissa felt there was too much on the menu, and it was overwhelming for all of them. The first set of diners ran late, causing the next group to have to wait. Brian full of Malarkey did the front of the house for Kann, but Lee Anne felt he wasn’t absorbing the original plan.

The judges said both teams had conveyed the mood board, there was a lot of good food, and all in all, they did an awesome job. Kann was the winner, having a well-designed menu that was cohesive. Kevin was clearly disappointed. Tom told Gregory that he didn’t try to chef it up, and stayed true to what he’d said it would be. He said it made him want to go to Haiti, and Gregory had expressed what the island was about in ten dishes.

Gail said Kevin had taken on a lot, and he said he could have made last minute changes, but didn’t think that would have been in the spirit of Top Chef. I have no idea what he meant by that, and got the vibe that the judges didn’t either, and thought it was an odd excuse. The judges felt there were too many dishes, but Kevin said, although some editing might have been in order, his grandmother would have thought the chef should give everything they can, and then give the guest more. Tom said, the mushrooms were just bad, and Karen whined that she didn’t have the help she was promised. Tom asked why Kevin thought he shouldn’t be sent home, and Kevin said he was raised to own his mistakes, and couldn’t live with himself if he threw anyone under the bus. In the end, any mistake rested on his shoulders. That being said, he was told to pack his knives and go. Or at least move on to Last Chance Kitchen. In his interview, he said it was important to do the right thing, and the captain went down with the ship. He admired captains who did that when they could have jumped into a lifeboat.

Coming up, summer camp, a dinner for athletes, Brian full of Malarkey feels betrayed and maybe walks, and the finale in Europe.

🎭 Garcelle Explains the Drama…

She might be a newbie, but she’s not afraid to jump into the thick of it.


🥤 It Wasn’t Exactly a First…

Teresa broke the fourth wall too, when she threw the Solo cup at the camera.


🕶 Poor Jax…

Maybe he should have broken out those sunglasses he stole in Hawaii.


🍸 Bartending With Stanley…

One of my favorite actors gives a lesson in mixology.


🐶 Raising the Woof…

Does he know it’s him? Does it matter?


🤷🏽‍♀️ TGIWhatever…

Friday may not have the same meaning for everyone right now, but it’s still Friday. Stay strong, stay following the guidelines, and stay knowing what day it is. Or at least the month.

May 5, 2020 – Elizabeth Tells Nikolas To Let Spencer Decide, Lucci Speaks, Jax Has an Episode, Kelly Gets Good News & Nick Sings Star Wars


What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)


General Hospital

It’s going to be one of those weeks. I missed the beginning. In a nutshell, Ava wailed to Franco about Nikolas; Nelle met with Martin, who said the burden would be on her in the courtroom; and Sam clapped back at Kristina.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas, find someone else to confide in; she’s busy. He says he never meant for Hayden to stay away, and she says he uses people. He lies to their faces. His son grieved for him for two years, and instead of welcoming him when he returned, Nikolas lost him. Nikolas says Spencer sent him a letter saying he’s willing to explore their relationship again, and she says, that’s great news. His kid worships him, but she’d said it would take time for Spencer to heal. He tells her, don’t pop the champagne cork just yet. There’s a condition. He has to leave Ava. She says, that’s not a condition; it’s a get out of jail free card. Get rid of Ava, and bring Spencer home.

Franco tells Ava, Nikolas doesn’t respect or love her, and she says she doesn’t need his love and respect. His fortune is a different matter. He says she owns the penthouse, and the gallery, which is very successful. She says, none of that is Cassadine Island. They have properties all over the world, a centuries old fortune, and a prominent family name. He gets it. She wants to be queen of the castle. Find a real prince, and dump the frog. She says they have to discuss where she should hang the portrait. Over the fireplace seems cliché. She starts to babble, and he says he knows the real reason she married Nikolas.

On the phone, Carly tells Michael, Diane is thoroughly prepared to prove he’s the better parent. Nelle can try to con the judge, but it won’t work. The truth will come out.

Nina tells Jax, there’s nothing worse than being caught in the nightmare of a custody battle. It’s more difficult when the parent adores and is good for the child. He says, Valentin falls short on morals, ethics, and scruples, but she says Charlotte will make him a better person. He’s crazy about her. Jax says she’s a softie, and she says, because she’s willing to give Valentin the benefit of the doubt when it comes to Charlotte? Carly knocks on the door, and Nina says, it’s a bad time. What’s going on? Carly says, Wiley’s custody hearing is tomorrow, and she wonders if Nina has anything they can use against Nelle.

Nelle asks Martin why she’s paying so much money to him, if the case depends on her. He says she hasn’t had the most stable time in Port Charles, or anywhere else. She says they’re talking now, not the past. She has a respectable job at a famous magazine, not that she needs the money. She has a sale document from the purchase of the cutest house the judge has ever seen. Martin says, it looks like she put the money from the sale of her ELQ stock to good use. She says she’s ready to fight. It’s not looking good for Carly. Michael reminds her that she’s challenging Michael, not Carly, but she says Carly is pulling the strings, but it’s not enough. She’s going to lose because Michael just suffered a shattering breakup with Sasha. She left him for one of his best friends. Martin says, and she didn’t leak it to The Invader. She says, Wiley’s mother is not mean-spirited or malicious. He’s going to tell them. He asks her if she can keep a partner, or do they all die on her?

Ava tells Franco, they need to focus on the portrait. It needs to be hung before the gala. He says she can call it what she likes, but he knows it’s a certified nightmare pretending to be a gala. She asks why he thinks he knows her, and he says he knows what he sees in his eyes when she sits for him. She’s living with the consequences of her choices. In some weird way, her choices are motivated by love, and now she’s committed to a loveless situation with Nikolas. He gets it. She’s punishing herself for Kiki’s death.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas that Spencer has always been wise beyond his years. Look how smart he is now. It’s the perfect incentive for Nikolas to ditch Ava. Getting ride of her will take him a long way to turning into the good guy he is. He says he’s not a good guy, and she says, he was to her. He says he’s a Cassadine. If he divorces Ava, he loses everything; it’s in the agreement he signed. She asks if having Spencer back in his life wouldn’t be worth it, and he says he dreams about him and Spencer. Hanging out, laughing at nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. She says, his dream is coming true. Get rid of Ava. He says, it’s not that simple, and she says, because of the money? There’s got to be another reason. He doesn’t actually have feelings for Ava, does he?

Sam says, how dare Kristina? She has no idea what she’s talking about. Kristina says Sam and Jason are danger junkies. It’s what brought them together, and sustains them. It’s the day to day they can’t stand. Sam says the only thing she’s wanted is to keep her family safe, and Kristina says, that’s what she wanted with Drew. When Jason came back, they were ride or die again. They’re like Romeo and Juliet. Alexis says, enough, and Molly says, Sam and Jason’s love is real. Kristina says, no question Jason would die for Sam. He just can’t live for her.

Nelle tells Martin, Zack had an unfortunate accident, and he says, tell that to Diane. She says she pled guilty to spare the family more pain. He says he’s getting out the violin, and she says, while she was in prison, she prevented Ryan’s escape, and he almost took her good kidney. He says, she’s good; he’ll give her that. But if he brings up Michael’s bad relationships, hers will be in question as well. She says Shiloh was the love of her life, and his life was tragically cut short by Sam, who’s a good friend of Michael’s family. She cries herself to sleep every night because she’s still grieving. They made her a widow. He says he’ll use the argument, and asks if she’s come up with any character witnesses who can attest to her moral character. Who can testify as to her integrity, humanity, and compassion.

Nina says Nelle hasn’t worked for her for very long, and she hates to admit it, but she’s been an exemplary employee. Carly asks, what’s going on? Nina said she hired Nelle to keep an eye on her and help prove she’s an unfit parent. Nina says she can’t give Carly what she doesn’t have. Carly says Nelle refused to consent to Wiley’s surgery, and he’s going to need another one in six months so he can lead a happy, healthy life. If it’s up to Nelle, he won’t get it. Nina asks if Carly has ever tried listening to Nelle without jumping down her throat. Wouldn’t Wiley be better served if Michael compromised? No two parents hated each other more than Lulu and Valentin, but they put their differences aside for Charlotte’s sake, and Charlotte is better off. Jax says, sharing custody with Nelle wouldn’t be the best situation for Wiley, and Nina asks if the love of both parents isn’t the best situation. Carly asks if Nina is telling her that Nelle won her over.

Nikolas tells Elizabeth, he has anger, frustration, and profound distaste for Ava, and she asks if that isn’t enough to kick Ava out of his life. He says she doesn’t know what it’s cost him, surviving the shooting, and the fall. How long it took to heal, and planning his return. It was meticulously thought out. He was determined to keep alive the need to reclaim his name and Spencer’s birthright. She says, Spencer doesn’t care about his birthright; he just cares about Nikolas. He won’t be out in the street. 10% is a lot of money. He says, not enough for the way Spencer expects to live, and she asks if he’s talked to Spencer. She takes out her phone, and tells Nikolas, call him now. Ask what he’d rather have; his money or his dad?

Ava says Franco is wrong. He says she’s sabotaged any chance of her own happiness because she blames herself for hurting Kiki. Ava says she did hurt Kiki, over and over. She’ll never forgive herself, but it has nothing to do with this. Franco says she didn’t kill Kiki; Ryan did. But she’d rather fill her head with thoughts about how to deal with her creepy husband, than deal with thoughts of Kiki. Ava tells him to stop caring about her. Why doesn’t he go back to being the psychopath he used to be?

Nelle tells Martin, Carly locked her out on the hospital roof, while Carly’s mother forged a document consenting to unnecessary surgery on her son. He says, so she has no one to vouch for her character? She says she was at the hospital every day. The nurses saw her, and can attest to her maternal instincts. She even brought them donuts. He says he was thinking of someone she’s known longer than a month. Michael is going to have a veritable parade of character witnesses that are pillars of the community and upstanding citizens.

Nina says, maybe Nelle is trying to be a better person, and be the best mother she can. Carly says Nelle is a pathological liar, incapable of accepting kindness or showing love or affection. She’ll leave Wiley emotionally damaged like she is. Nina says, what about mental illness? and Carly says, she left Michael to die, and convinced Brad to switch babies. She’s a sociopath who’s totally playing Nina. Jax says he thinks Nelle is taking advantage, and Nina says, what if people judged Carly on who she used to be? What if she was kept away from her kids because of her past mistakes? What if no one had stood by her or spoke up for her? What kind of person would she be now?

Sam asks Kristina, what’s that supposed to mean? Alexis says she’d like to know too. Molly says, Jason put everything on the line to save Kristina, and she repeatedly said she was grateful. Kristina says, that’s not the point. Sam asks what her point is. Kristina has always supported their relationship, and Jason loves Kristina. How can Kristina say he wants to be away from her? Kristina says, their relationship is always hotter when they’ve been forced apart. If there was no drama, they wouldn’t survive.

Elizabeth tells Nikolas to call Spencer. Or is he afraid of what the answer might be? Nikolas says he’s not certain. When he saw Spencer, he said he didn’t care about the money, but that’s a lie. Spencer was born into the lifestyle he’s enjoyed since he was a child. There’s no way he’d give it up for this. She says, one thing she’s learned parenting Cameron is, you can’t make assumptions about teen boys. Cameron hated Franco, and now they’re each other’s biggest fans. Nikolas says, and it has nothing to do with Cameron’s mother being in love with Franco? She says, nice change in subject, and he asks if it’s working. He says he is curious about her and Franco. How did such two totally different people find happiness? She says, it took a while. Franco is kind, funny, and stood by her when she was the town pariah. They connected over art. Or at least they used to.

Franco tells Ava he’s not a psycho anymore, even if her invitation says otherwise. She says he had a brain tumor to blame. She doesn’t have that excuse. He says she doesn’t want that. He still has to deal with the people he’s hurt in his head every day. It’s not something that goes away. She asks how he copes, and he says, Elizabeth, her boys, he makes art, and helps patients through art therapy. She says, a healthy way to deal with the pain. Why didn’t she think of that? He says she’s not someone who does healthy, and she laughs. She says she prefers to play to her strengths. She’s not good at finding love, but she knows how to make money. Franco says, she does things like exploit his bad boy genius artist reputation. She says, he’s okay with that, isn’t he?

Nelle tells Martin, she has no family; her childhood was terrible. A good lawyer can make that work in her favor. He says he’ll pour it out, and she says she just wanted to give her son the life she never had. He says the judge will want to know the mother has someone in case of an emergency, the way the Quartermaines and Corinthoses came to Michael’s aid about Wiley’s heart condition. It’s going to be hard to convince a judge that a loving mother would prevent that. Every specialist agrees it improves the quality of life. Too bad she had no one to lean on when she had to make that decision; a close friend who could give her wise counsel and emotional support. She says, so he’s telling her that if she doesn’t have a dozen people saying what a good person she is, she can lose Wiley? He says, to be honest, the best she can hope for is shared custody.

Jax asks Carly and Nina to dial it down. He agrees custody fights are a nightmare, but Josslyn was fortunate because they stopped fighting before she was old enough to remember, but even when they were at odds, he not worried Carly would hurt Josslyn, or not allow her to be given medical attention to spite him. Nina says, they changed. Feelings change, people grow, and Josslyn is better for having the love of both parents. Why can’t Carly learn from the past, and give Nelle a little break? Jax says she can’t compare the two situations, and Carly says she never used Josslyn’s health as collateral, and risked her heath and safety to punish the family. That’s what Nelle did. There’s more to motherhood than biology. Carly guesses Nina doesn’t understand because she’s never been a mother.

Nelle asks why she’s paying Martin so much, if all he can get her is shared custody? She’s been telling Michael, he’ll be lucky if he sees the kid once a month. Martin says, it’s not going to help if she calls Wiley the kid before the judge, and she had no business threatening Michael. She says she thought it was a fact. She wants a refund on the large advance she paid him. He says that’s not happening, so she might as well hear him out and get her money’s worth. Michael’s family is a wise bunch, and if she’ll forgive the pun, they’re going to pull out everything to ensure Michael gets sole custody. Nelle asks if he isn’t even a tiny bit prepared. He says, he will be. The question is, if she gets custody, shared or otherwise, is she prepared to be a mother?

Franco tells Ava, he used, manipulated, and hurt a lot of people. Ava says, it helped sell paintings. Talent can only get you so far. Franco says, thanks, and they laugh. She says, it’s true though. People are fascinated by his criminal past. He provides the required talent, and she’ll remind the public who he was. He says he’s okay with that for the most part, but he’s not so sure Elizabeth is on board. She says, it’s not about Elizabeth, but he says, it’s all about Elizabeth. They had an argument, and he said something stupid that hurt her feelings. She says, they have a strong marriage. She knows Elizabeth will forgive him. Let her bring the bad boy in him back to the art world; the one bright spot in this foolish, ridiculous, awful life she’s created for herself.

Nikolas says, that’s why Elizabeth snapped at him; this is about Franco. Did he say something about her art? He’s not going away until she tells him. She says they received an invitation to Ava’s unveiling, and she wasn’t thrilled that Ava is playing up Franco’s criminal history. He says, she loves to create controversy, and Elizabeth tells him, Franco said, that’s how the art world works, but she wouldn’t know because she’s not a real artist. He says, don’t listen to that condescending fool, and she tells him, watch it. Franco is still her husband. He says he watched her find her talent and solace. If her life had taken a different turn, and she’d been supported and developed her craft, her vision would have put Franco to shame. Great art reflects the soul of the artist, and she’s never afraid to show her soul to the world.

Nelle asks, how dare Martin accuse her of being a bad mom? He tells her, that’s not what he said. Fighting custody is easy; raising children is hard. She says she carried Wiley for nine months inside her. She felt him move, and gave birth alone, with no one there to help. If that doesn’t prepare her for motherhood, she doesn’t know what does. He suggests she read some blogs, and buy a baby book or two. Tell the judge about the few moments she spent with her baby before he was cruelly stolen. And don’t wear waterproof mascara. He wants the judge to have a front row seat to her crying her eyes out. She says, anything else? and he says, a character witness. Preferably not one in prison. He’s going to pull out all the stops to convince the judge she should have Wiley. She says he’d better. He doesn’t want to let her down.

Carly says she knows Nina still feels a connection to her baby, and believes it’s instinctive that connection would make her the best mother. Carly is sure Nina would have been, because she’s a good person, and has it in her. Nelle doesn’t. Nina asks if Carly doesn’t think she imagines every day what she missed, and Carly says, then use it. Remind herself what Nelle did when she handed over the baby to Brad, then told Michael their baby died. Nina says, maybe Nelle is telling the truth. Brad lied about everything. What if he placed the dead baby in Nelle’s arms when she was unconscious? Carly says, Nelle was very conscious. She knew what she was doing, and didn’t care about Wiley. She only cared about hurting Michael. Think about that, and tell her that she doesn’t remember one incident that will help Michael’s custody case against Nelle. Carly leaves, and Nelle asks if Jax thinks she’s wrong, and she’s misunderstanding Nelle’s motives.

Carly waits for the elevator. The doors open, and she and Nelle face each other.

Sam asks if Kristina doesn’t think she wants a quiet life with Jason and the kids. It’s all she dreams about, but something always gets in the way. Molly says, like Shiloh. Sam and Jason had to pretend they weren’t together. Alexis says, Sam went to prison to protect Kristina. Kristina says, and as long as she stays away from Jason, Sam is home free. But she can’t help herself. She’ll find a way to break the rules, sneak around, and spice it up. And Jason appreciates it, when he’s not taking care of Carly and her dad. How many times has she seen him busy cleaning up their messes, while Sam is home taking care of the kids? Her opinion still stands. Jason would die for Sam, but his first priority is Sonny and Carly.

Nikolas doubts Elizabeth will ever trust him again, and says he has no right to ask her to. Elizabeth says he can change who he is now, and be who he used to be when they were friends. She thinks he should give it a chance. He says, as her almost friend, he believes she should think about painting again. She says Franco got her some art supplies for their anniversary, and he says, so Franco isn’t a completely insensitive fool. She says, maybe she’s too sensitive, and he says, a true artist should be. She says, as his almost friend, she thinks he should call Spencer.

Ava says she’s trying to help Franco. He did the same for her just now. He says he heard a bunch of denial. She says she’s not accepting the help because she knows he’s right. She knows why she married Nikolas, but maybe having the understanding will make her life more bearable. Franco says, it would be even more bearable without Nikolas, but she says, they’re talking about him. Apologize, and bring Elizabeth flowers. He has a good marriage. Make it better. He says, she does like flowers. All he cares about is making her happy, and the boys too. She says, at least she’ll know she did something right, and he says glad he could help. She kisses his cheek, and says, more than he knows.

Nelle asks if Carly was trash talking her to Nina. Carly says, she was trying to, but Nina seems to think she’s Nelle’s friend. Too bad Nelle will betray her, like she did everyone else. Carly gets in the elevator, and the doors close.

Jax tells Nina, Carly made some good points about Nelle, and Nina says she’s aware of Nelle’s dark side, but she’s seen Nelle’s vulnerable side. She can’t explain it, but she doesn’t think it’s an act. Nelle listens outside the door. Jax says he thinks Nelle only cares about herself, and Nina says, maybe to change she needs a person who believes in her. Maybe she’s that person who will bring out the best in Nelle. Nelle knocks, and comes in. Jax tells Nina, be careful. He’s going to catch up with Carly.

Jax leaves, and Nelle says, sorry. She hopes she wasn’t interrupting anything. Nina says, no. They were done. Nelle says she took care of the errands Nina asked her to. She thanks Nina for standing up for her, and Nina says, don’t make her regret it. Nelle says, she won’t. In fact, she was going to ask Nina for a favor; a pretty big one. Nina asks what it is, and Nelle says, Wiley’s custody hearing is tomorrow. She has no one to vouch for her; Carly made sure of that. She was wondering if Nina would be willing to testify on her behalf.

Tomorrow, Robert tells Peter to get out, Sonny asks Mike what he needs, and Sasha is at odds with Brook.

👠 Erica Live…

Susan Lucci will be having a live chat on May 7th at 1 pm ET.


Vanderpump Rules

At SUR, Danica tells Ariana that Jax is going to be an hour late. She’s not sure how he gets away with half the sh*t he does. Dayna asks how Scheana’s weekend was, and Scheana says she and Brett went to Palm Springs to do her music video. It’s an R&B song called One More Time; it’s a baby making song, and different from what she’s done. She quickly adds that he’d agreed to it months ago. In Dayna’s interview, she says, this is the second guy she’s been interested in that Scheana has taken to Palm Springs. WTF goes on in Palm Springs? Scheana shows Dayna some raw footage, which is basically soft core porn, and borderline on the soft. Dayna asks if she’s topless, and Scheana says she may have been. In her interview, Dayna tells us she literally doesn’t know what to say, she’s so uncomfortable. She tells Scheana, that’s a video. Good for her.

Tom and Jax bring their athletic shoes to be cleaned at a place Tom found online. Jax asks how they do it, but the cleaner says he can’t disclose their method. In Jax’s interview, he says he had no sudden urge to hang out with Tom. He hasn’t been a great friend. We flash back to where Jax was being a d*ck to Tom, and Jax says he needed his sneakers cleaned, so why not let Tom pay for the gas? Jax still has the tags on his shoes because he thinks it makes him seem younger. He asks if that’s cool, but the cleaner, who is younger, says he always takes off the tags. Jax’s credit card doesn’t go through, and he says it happens all the time. We see several clips of that, and he gives the cleaner another card. He tells Tom about helping Kristen by cutting the grass. He says she still loves Carter, and told him Carter knows about other guys she’s hooked up with. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors? Tom says things are great at his house; better than ever. Jax says he notices Ariana give Tom backhanded comments, but Tom says they never name call. He suggests Jax take a second sometimes, and not get too responsive. Jax admits he’s bad at it. In his interview, Tom says, when Jax feels bored, he picks someone or something to focus his anger and attention on, so he feels important or better about himself. Tom says he’s trying to help out as a friend. Jax says, no one’s perfect.

Brittany meets Stassi at the dog park, and puts sunglasses on her dog. Stassi tells Brittany she thought when she finally got engaged, she’d be a chill bride, but nope. Brittany has the feeling Stassi is going to be double what she was. In Stassi’s interview, she says, people thought she was a monster on her birthday, just wait. The wedding will be a nightmare. They admire each other’s rings, and Stassi asks how annoying Brittany thinks they are. Brittany says, they really are annoying, but eff off; she’s happy. Stassi says when she posted her engagement photo, someone said they were never so excited to see a couple get married. Jax replied, thanks a lot. Brittany says, Jax is an attention whore, but he’s happy for them. She says she knows Stassi and Kristen are on the outs, but she and Jax are having a pool party, and asks if Stassi won’t come if she invites Kristen. Stassi says she’d still come, and Brittany says she worries about her friends not coming. In Brittany’s interview, she says she loves cooking, and cleaning; getting ready and preparing for people to come over. It’s the first time they’re going to have a big group at their new house. Stassi says if she and Kristen can’t get along in normal moments, Kristen can’t be at the big ones. I nod in agreement.

Ariana teaches Dayna how to make drinks. Dayna is dying to bartend. Scheana asks Jax if he wants to see footage from her video, and he says, not really. She asks what’s up his ass? and he says, everyone isn’t honest. Tom and Ariana said he took Kristen’s bait. He thinks something is going on with Tom. He doesn’t really talk about their relationship. In his interview, Jax says he thinks their relationship is a façade. It looks pretty on the outside, but he doesn’t see them happy together, and thinks buying the house was a bad idea. It’s not a normal relationship. He tells Scheana, he thinks Ariana is miserable. Scheana says Ariana is depressed, and Jax says when Ariana doesn’t like something, she says she’s depressed. Ariana invites Dayna to a dinner party she and Tom are having, and Dayna says she might be late. Ariana says, easy breezy. Scheana asks if Jax is going to Max’s beach clean-up. He says they all live in the valley, and have to drive a while to get there. The fumes in the air defeat the purpose.

Lisa goes to Vanderpump Dogs. Puffy! Lala is helping put out merchandise, and Lisa says they have two dogs coming in from Puerto Rico. Lala says she can help with intake, and Lisa says she’s good at intake. Lala says she doesn’t need a cocktail to be vulgar. She’s approaching ten months, and thinks James is steering clear of drinking. She’s proud of him.

Raquel asks where James found the pink silverware, and he says he’s been doing stuff today. She sees flowers on the table, and he says they’re having filet mignon with roasted potatoes and carrots. In his interview, James says he needed to do some serious rebuilding in his relationships, and Raquel is the one who means the most. That’s what life is all about. He tells her about the beach clean-up, and says they were invited. It made his day. He hopes he’s enough without drinking, and she says, of course he is. He’s the ultimate him, and so fun to be around. He says he knows.

Lisa tells Lala that James was aware there was a problem when he lost his job and his friends, but it happened with Raquel, it struck a chord. Lala says she’s happy for James, and Lisa thinks he’s on the road to recovery, but she’s cautiously optimistic.

The group gathers at the beach, and Kristen gives Stassi a kiss. In Stassi’s interview, she says, it’s awkward AF. In Max’s interview, he says he was born Hawaii, and grew up in San Diego, and trash and plastic is bad for the sealife. It means a lot to him to make sure it’s clean, since he swims in it. I live near a beach, and I hear that. I hate seeing all the plastic that washes up, and it makes me wonder just how much doesn’t wash up. Max says they’re going to pick up trash, then hang out. They take paper bags, and comb the beach. In Katie’s interview, she says he picked literally the cleanest beach she’s ever been to. It’s cleaner than her house. Dayna asks Brett how Palm Springs was. Brett says it was a video about having sex, and they were doing fake strokes and pipe laying. At one point, he felt violated, when Scheana was biting his ear, and licking the earwax out of it. Blech. He had to tell her, no. If he’d wanted to, he could have literally had sex with her on camera. She asked if he wanted a BJ, and he said no. It was hard, since he loves them. Dayna says, he’s lying, and he says, no. He’s not leading Scheana on; he was doing her a favor. Dayna asks if he thinks Scheana might see it differently. He has to set boundaries or she’ll be taking advantage. Lala says, it’s hard with Scheana. You say, this isn’t going to happen, but in the back of Scheana’s mind… Dayna says, seriously, there’s a chance. Max says Jax told him the beach clean-up was a dumb idea, and everyone is pissed at him for planning it. It’s dumb, pointless, and nobody cares. Tom says Jax texted him, saying Max is trying to one-up him. They’ve never heard anything like that before. We flash back to Jax telling Tom, he’s the number one guy in the group. Tom thinks Jax is jealous that he’s not the center of attention, and Max says he’s not upset that Jax isn’t there.

In Kristen’s interview, she says her job as an entrepreneur is never done. She’s doing a pop-up event to spread the word about her brand, and sell some shirts. She tells Schwartz that Stassi isn’t coming, and he says Katie isn’t either. Kristen says she’s not surprised, but she was hopeful. Tom texts Jax that everyone is there except him, and Jax texts Tom that he can skip their pool party. Brett tells Max that Scheana said Dayna still had feelings for him, and asks how he feels about her. Stassi tells Dayna that she’s heard Dayna has a love triangle going on. Max tells Brett that he doesn’t want to talk about it, and Brett asks if it would be bad if he hooked up with Dayna. Dayna tells Stassi that she told Brett, she wished she’d met him before Max. In Dayna’s interview, she says, it’s fun and games to be with the emotionally unavailable hot guy, until it’s time to have a real conversation about feelings. Max thanks everyone for coming, and says he appreciates it. Jax texted him that everyone was mad at him for planning it. Brittany tells him, don’t listen, and Katie says, he’s just being an a-hole. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, Jax’s borderline abusive rage texts are a dynamic of the relationship. He’s developed a technique – keep deleting. You’ll sleep in peace, and live happily ever after. He does the same thing with Katie. Brittany tells them, Jax said it was Mercury’s in Gatorade. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Jax will point his finger at anything and anyone to absolve himself of what he’s doing. In Brittany’s interview, she says, it sucks that she feels like she has to answer and take up for Jax when he does these things, but she married him knowing he’s that person. She tells Max that she’ll tell Jax to stop.

Lisa tells Raquel that she checks on James more than her children. We flash back to Lisa video chatting with James, and says she hopes he’s telling the truth. Raquel tells her that they went to a club last night, and James didn’t drink a sip. Lisa tells her, James said he was doing well, but she’s never quite sure if she’s getting the true story. In Lisa’s interview, she says she’s such a mother. She wants to make everything right. She asks Raquel if the relationship is different, and Raquel says it is.

Tom tells Ariana she looks great. In her interview, Ariana says she manages her depression by focusing on the things she loves, and she loves hosting and cooking for people. Scheana arrives with some guy I’ve never seen, who I think is named Shawn. Schwartz, Katie, Max, Brett, and Dayna follow. Tom says, Jax’s rage texts continue. He reads, if you’re talking sh*t about me, don’t bother coming. YOU DID; don’t come. Max says he got a bunch on his way there. Jax asked why Max was crying to his wife, and don’t come to his house. Max says all he did was ask him to come to the beach, and Jax told him that he’s not welcome. Schwartz says, Jax is being a d*ck for no reason; it’s unprovoked. In some bizarre moment of clarity, Scheana says, it’s not about Jax, so he didn’t come. In her interview, she says, his 40th is over, the wedding is over, and no one is paying attention to him, so he has to fight with his friends. It’s classic Jax. Tom thinks they should have a rager there at the same time as the pool party, and teach him a lesson. Katie says her pants got wet thinking about it. Ariana says, dinner is served. Katie says, whoever picks up their phone has to buy a table for Tom and Ariana. Ariana thanks everyone for coming to dinner at their rented table. She’s happy in life, and loves them. Max asks Dayna to come outside, and they sit on the patio. He says he’s not good at expressing how he feels, but it feels weird seeing her and Brett. He’s not telling her not to do this, but he’s saying he clearly still has feelings for her. Dayna says when the next shiny thing comes along, she’ll be in his rear view. He says he’s had his past, but he’s never moved forward like he did with her. She says, then why not keep moving forward? and he says it scared him to have feelings. It’s not an excuse, but he’s scared because he likes her, and sometimes love goes south. In his experience, it hasn’t been good for him. In Dayna’s interview, she says she never stopped caring about Max, but she thinks part of the reason he’s saying this is because Brett is in the picture. She thinks he does care about her, but he makes her feel confused. Max says he wants her to know it’s cool, but it’s also not cool. Dayna asks if he hears himself; she’s getting whiplash. Max says he’s not going to attack them over it, and Dayna asks what she’s supposed to do with that; it’s ambiguous.

At Kristen’s event, she says, everyone get wasted and shop. Scheana tells Brett, they still need one more thing for the video. He asks if she’s going to be making out with his ear or biting him. They literally (taking a drink now) simulated a sexual situation. Scheana says, it’s called acting; don’t take it so seriously. He says he wanted to wear jeans, and she told him to take them off. She asks, who wears clothes in bed? In Brett’s interview, he says he thinks Scheana’s and his ideas of a sexy video are the opposite. He thinks less is more, but she wants to show everybody everything. It’s not sexy. He says he felt uncomfortable, and doesn’t want her to have the wrong idea. She tells him, don’t be cocky; it’s just a video. In Scheana’s interview, she says he knew the concept of the video. She tells Brett that it was awkward for her too, but she’s good at her job. He doesn’t believe she didn’t like it, and she says she’s going to buy some T-shirts. Dayna laughs. I wonder if Scheana believes her own lies.

Jax joins Max and Tom, and says he’s sorry. It wasn’t his intention, and he’s the first to apologize when he’s wrong. He was out of line, and he’s going through mental issues. He’s angry all the time, and calls it an episode. In Tom’s interview, he says, 90% of the time, Jax is full of sh*t. He spins things around to create pity. Jax says, part of it was him uninviting them. They can obviously come. Scheana tells Charli about Brett being uncomfortable with the video, and Charli says he should have known what it was when he signed up. Scheana calls Brett over, and Charli jets. She says she doesn’t want him feeling uncomfortable, and he doesn’t have to come. He says he did her a favor, and she says she doesn’t want him there, since he brought up how uncomfortable he was. In her interview, Scheana says, guys in L.A. suck. If she’s sexy, she’s coming on too strong, but if she plays hard to get, that’s not good either. How is she supposed to know what they want, if they don’t say it? Brett asks if they’re good, and she says they’re good. He says when she flashes her fingers like that, they’re not good.

Jax asks Kristen where Carter is, and she says he’s working. In her interview, Kristen says when Stassi didn’t ask her to the engagement party, she felt vulnerable and alone, and she called Carter. They had sex. It was great. Jax says Kristen hooked up with a guy in a video that Carter saw. Kristen says, it was four years ago, and Jax asks her to swear on her life and her friendships. She says it’s none of his business, but it was four years ago. In Kristen’s interview, she says, of course she’s lying. Jax has the biggest mouth ever, and it’s no one’s effing business. In Jax’s interview, he wonders if Kristen doesn’t get tired of telling stories, and not knowing what she told people. She’s losing friends left and right. No one believes her, and it’s all deny, deny, deny. Lala joins the conversation, and Kristen asks if they can not do this where she’s selling things. Jax stomps off, griping that Kristen lies about everything, and she’s delusional. Brittany says he’s projecting to people who don’t know him. What’s wrong with him?

James goes to SUR, and asks for a table for one in Raquel’s section. Lisa comes in, and sits with him. She asks if his girlfriend is working, and he says he’s in her section. Lisa says he can’t stay away, and tastes his drink. She says she approves. Raquel comes to the table, and asks if she wants a glass of rosé. Lisa asks if the Pope has a balcony, and Raquel doesn’t understand. In her interview, she asks if everyone knows the Pope drinks rosé on his balcony. Lisa says she loves Raquel, and James says Raquel had to think about that. He’s having the best time. Lisa asks, what’s wrong? and James says he wishes he and Raquel worked at the same time. In Lisa’s interview, she says, James has had no problem asking for his job back. He starts out sweet and polite, then slyly tries to weasel back in. Then when he doesn’t get what he wants, he gets demanding, but this time seems to feel different. Lisa tells James, you know what? They don’t have a DJ for tonight. He gets all excited, and says, onward and upward. She says she has faith in him. In James’s interview, he says, white Kanye is back in business. He tells Raquel, and she says, amazing. She’s so excited for him.

Jax and Brittany argue about Kristen’s time frame, and Brittany asks why he’s getting mad. It has nothing to do with him. He asks if he’s not allowed a bad day, and she says he’s allowed a bad day, but he’s not allowed to take it out on her. She doesn’t get why he’s so affected. He asks if that’s it than, and she says, no. Obviously she loves him. They’ve been through worse, and she’s stood by his side. Give her some credit. He doesn’t have to lay blame. He says he has super highs and lows. He smokes and gains weight, then he takes Adderall for it. He can’t win. Geez. No wonder he’s a mess. Brittany says, as soon as the wedding was over, nothing was ever good enough. Jax says they’re going to fight. It’s not Leave It To Beaver. He can give her that if she wants, but they’d have to move to Kentucky. She says she doesn’t want him to circle back to his old ways, and being mean. She starts to cry, and says, it breaks her heart.

Next time, a competing pool party; Brittany wonders if they’re going to have anyone at their house; Stassi tells Jax that he’s losing his mind; Lisa and Ken are developing a garden bar, and would like to see the Toms invest for a 10% share; and Lala says Max and Brett are getting messy.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Oh yeah the cowboy bar. Ha-ha! I forgot.

Brad tells the baby to breathe, and calls 911. The operator tells him to check the baby’s airway, and he says, there’s a fireman across the street. He runs out, and Natalie smacks into him with her car. She and Esperanza jump out, and he tells them, the baby isn’t breathing. Natalie and Esperanza run inside the house, and Esperanza takes the phone from Brad. She asks, what happened? and he says he checked on the baby, and he wasn’t breathing. She asks if the baby was on his back, but he says, no. The baby was on his stomach. Marcie must have put him that way. Esperanza starts to tell the operator that they need an ambulance, but Natalie says, no; they don’t need it. Brad says, he’s not dead? and Natalie says, he’s sleeping. Esperanza tells the operator, the baby’s asleep. They just have a panicked man who doesn’t know what to do with a baby; they don’t need anyone. Brad stammers, and Natalie shows him how to put a finger under the baby’s nose. He says he thought the baby’s chest wasn’t moving, and Esperanza asks if he actually took a look. He needs to relax. She tells him that babies need to sleep on their backs, and he says he just panicked. Natalie asks if he’ll be all right, and he says he has a sitter coming. He’s good until then. Esperanza says, what about Alex? Does he know where she is? He says he’s sure she’ll be home soon, but Natalie says she doesn’t think… Esperanza stops her, and Brad says they look like they know something. Natalie says she doesn’t think he wants to know, and Brad asks if they saw her. She needs to come back and take care of the kids, and the other kid. Natalie says, she’s at a bar, and he says he doesn’t care. Esperanza says she thinks he should get her. It’s a sleazy, dirty, grimy place. Actually, it isn’t, but okay. She says, it’s not somewhere Brad would want her, and he says, it suits her. He’s done. They’re divorced, and he doesn’t care. Esperanza asks if he’s going to raise the kids on his own, and he says he’ll have to. Natalie says, the baby is fine, and Esperanza says, they can’t leave her. Natalie says, she’s grown, and Esperanza suggests she stay with the kids while Brad brings her back. Natalie says he can’t do that, and Brad says he won’t do it. Esperanza says, she’ll do it then. She leaves, and Natalie asks if Brad will be okay. He tells her he will, and she reminds him not to lay the baby on his stomach. She says, he’s welcome, and he says, sorry.

Natalie sees Tyrell, and asks if he’s settled in. He says he is, and asks if Justice is home. She said around 3, right? She says, Kelly doesn’t really want him to see Justice. She wants to talk to him first. He asks when Natalie thinks she’ll be home, but Natalie doesn’t know. He asks if she thinks Lushion could get him in to see Kelly, and she says she’ll ask him. He wonders if he could borrow some bread, and she says, he wants to borrow money? He says, no; bread, and she laughs. She tells him to come in, and he says he’s been in jail. She asks if he’s going to rob her, and he says, not at all. They head into the house. Tyrell says, sorry. When people know he’s been in jail, they get scared. Natalie says she has a son in jail. He asks how long her son has got, and she says, a day is too long. She gives him a loaf of bread, and asks if he needs anything else. He says the bread will do, and she asks if he’s eaten. She doesn’t think there’s anything over at Kelly’s, and he says there are canned beans. She says she’ll make him a sandwich. He sits, and says he needs to see Kelly. She says she’ll call Lushion, and he says she’s really kind. She hopes someone is kind to her son. He asks what her son’s name is, and she says, Joey; does he know him? He says, he doesn’t, and asks when she thinks Kelly will get out. She says, they’re working hard on it, and he says he misses her; she’s the love of his life. They were kids in love and having fun; it was crazy. He’s pretty sure Kelly doesn’t feel the same anymore. Natalie says he doesn’t know that, and he says he hopes they can get back together.

There’s a knock at Brad’s door. It’s Dr. Raston, and he says he wasn’t expecting her. she says she wanted to come by and check on him. Brad says Alex isn’t back; that’s why she’s there, right? She says she’s sorry, and he says he’s there taking care of the kids. He learned a valuable lesson about babies sleeping on their fronts. He doesn’t want to make it awkward, but asks why Alex went to see her. She asks, what’s going on? and he tells her, look for herself, showing her the laptop. He says Alex has been on an online dating site, sleeping with lots of men. The doctor says she’s sorry, and he says, it is what it is. He says he’ll have to get tested – for everything. If she’s given him something… Dr. Raston tells him not to get ahead of himself. He asks how a person can be one way for ten years, then break. She can’t answer that, but knows a therapist who can. He says he’s not interested, and she says she knows he’s angry. He says she doesn’t know the half of it, and she says she’s sorry. He says he is too, and she tells him, she’s there if he needs her. He says he’s sorry for being rude; it’s a lot. She understands, and he thanks her for coming by.

Nurse Pat visits Tyrell, and asks if he lives there now. Nice. She asks who lives there, and he says, a friend. He asks if she wants some wine, but she says she’s got to go to work. She only has an hour. He says that’s plenty of time, and she asks if his mom doesn’t live there. He says, not his mom, his ex. She says, no bitch is going to beat her down. Come to her house. She sees a picture of Kelly, and says, hell no. That’s her? She was Kelly’s nurse in jail. He says, small world, and she says, this is where she killed Travis? Now she knows she’s getting out of there. She tells him, call one of his other strays, and opens the door. She says, damn, and he says, yeah, damn. She leaves, and he says, damn. He calls someone, and says he’s out. He’s a free man.

Alex rides the bull. It’s slightly more crowded in the bar now. She says, look what the cat dragged in, and it’s Randal. He asks, what the hell is going on up in here? and she says she’s riding a bull. He says he sees that. She’s back to her hillbilly whore roots. She says, jealous? and tells him to help her down. He does, and she tells Johnny to give her another shot. He asks what he can get for her friend, and Randal says he’s good. Johnny says, if you come into this bar, you drink. Alex says, it’s fine; he’ll have a beer. And a shot. Randal asks, who’s that? and she says, her new sponsor. He asks if she’s in recovery now, and she says, no; she’s staying with him a little while. They’re going to shack up while she figures things out. He asks, what the hell is wrong with her? and she says, he thinks she’s crazy? He says, hell yeah. He finally drove her mad. She says he didn’t, and he laughs. She says she’s completely free. If he did that, fine. She’s finally free to do whatever she wants. Nobody to stop her. He says she can’t do that, and she asks, why? He says he’s not through making her life a living hell. She says, he can’t do that; the pressure’s off. He says she’s going home; let’s go. She says, no, and he tries to strongarm her. She says she’s not going anywhere, and he says, want a bet? She tells him, look around real quick. Look at where he is; surrounded by a bunch of good old boys. Does he want to be grabbing up on her? He thinks she knows he doesn’t give a damn, and he pulls her off the bar stool. Johnny takes out a gun, and says, put his hands on her again, and he’ll blow Randal’s brains out. Alex says, he means it. Johnny tells Randal, get his ass on out of there, and don’t come back. Alex says, he really means it. Randal backs up, and goes toward the door, and Alex says she loves a man with a gun. Randal slowly leaves, and Johnny asks if Alex is doing okay. What does she want? She says, a shot, and he says, this one’s on the house, but she better ride that bull again.

Eddie barges into Larry’s office. Larry tells his poor assistant, it’s okay. Eddie asks how Larry is, and Larry says, better now that Eddie is  there. Eddie says, him too. He brought Larry something he shouldn’t have. He thinks Larry will like it. Larry asks if he should take his clothes off. Eddie says, keep them on, but open his mouth nice and wide. Eddie puts his feet up on the desk, and asks, how much would a long list of names regarding the Cane case be worth? Larry says he has no idea what Eddie is talking about, and Eddie says he has every idea Larry represents the church. What’s the price for the list of women Travis assaulted? If Larry tells him what he wants to know, he’ll be more than happy to share his information. Larry asks how and where he got it, and Eddie says, from Kelly’s cell. A sister from the church gave it to her. Larry says, so they’re trying to get her off, and Eddie says, seems that way. Larry calls Ian to come in. He tells Ian, this gentleman says he has information that was going to be used to get Kelly off. He says it was found in her cell. Has Ian gotten in touch with Carl? Ian says, not yet, but he will. Ian asks Eddie how much it’s worth, and Eddie says, the question is, how much is it worth to him? It’s a lot of bad publicity for the church. What’s the price tag on something like that? He’ll start at 200 (I’m assuming he means thousand, but he is pretty stupid). Larry says, $50K now, in cash. Eddie thinks he can get more than that, but he’ll start with $50K. Larry tells Ian to go to the safe, and get the money, and Ian says, right away. He leaves, and Larry asks if Eddie wants a drink. Eddie says, nah. He knows what Larry mixes in. Larry says he’s learned his lesson, huh? There are no other copies? Eddie says, it’s the only one. How long is this going to take? Larry says, patience is a virtue, and Eddie says he’s not patient. Larry asks again if Eddie wants a drink, and Eddie says, that’s the second time. He’s not interested. Bring him the money.

Steven asks Esperanza how her day is going, and she says, not so good, so far. He says, it’s not Eddie? and she says, it’s Alex. She asks if he’ll go somewhere with her quick. Alex is at a dive bar doing God knows what. She doesn’t think Alex should be there. He says, she’s an adult, and Esperanza says, a very drunk one. Steven says, let her stay and have a good time, and she asks if he’s coming with her. He says he said he would. He just has to tell Lushion something first.

Ian sits in Lushion’s office. Lushion says, he hasn’t returned Ian’s texts? Ian says, no, and Lushion asks, who is this kid? He said to meet there. Ian asks, where’s the information? Lushion says, Eddie happened, and Ian says, he took it? Lushion says, yeah, and Ian asks if there are any copies. Lushion says there aren’t, and Ian says, Eddie sold it to Larry. Lushion asks why Larry would buy it (which I’d think he’d know), and Ian says, Eddie lied, and said he had the rest of the information, and could keep it quiet. He’s sorry. Lushion asks, was Ian in on this? Ian says he’s trying help her. Why? Lushion says, it sounds fishy. Ian says Lushion can trust him, and Lushion says Ian needs to start showing him something. Ian says, this kid can handle it. It will be okay. Lushion asks if he doesn’t think they’re waiting too long. Ian says, they’re both in the result business, and Lushion says, show him something. Steven stops by, and says, the DA is there, in the interrogation room. She wants to see Lushion. Lushion and Larry leave the office.

Larry is standing around the corner, and asks what Ian is dong there. Ian says he’s there for the Vasquez case. What is Larry doing there? Larry says, the DA asked to see him. Ian asks, for what? but Larry doesn’t know. He asks Ian to come with him. Lushion is like, hmm… and follows.

In the interrogation room, the DA sits with Carl. Larry says he didn’t know it was going to be a party. Ian is his plus one. What’s going on? The DA (whose first name I forgot) says, this, and plops a folder down, and this affidavit. This young man, their public defender star, delivered. Larry asks where he got this, and Carl says, his sources are confidential. Larry says the cases settled out of court, but Carl says, it won’t matter. They’re ready to testify. He spoke to all of them. Larry asks how he got his hands on this, and Carl says, confidential. Larry says, right, but they can still prosecute. The DA says, they’re not prosecuting Kelly for anything. Her office is opening an investigation into the allegations against Travis and his church. They need to get themselves together. Larry asks if she’s aware that it’s an election year, and she asks if he’s trying to threaten her. That would not be wise. She tells Lushion, they’re dropping the murder charge. They believe it was self-defense. Lushion says, no question. The DA says, they’re done. Larry asks who is Carl? How does he do this. Carl says, it’s what he does, and Larry says, he didn’t have help? Carl says, the good Lord; hallelujah. Everyone leaves, and Lushion laughs. He says, Carl did it. Carl says Lushion doubted him? Come on. Lushion says he didn’t. Good job. Let’s go tell her.

Larry tells Ian, he smells a rat, and he knows who it was – Eddie. He’s wet behind the ears, and they had the same thing. Ian says, he’s not Larry’s problem, but Larry says Eddie took $50K from him, but he’ll get it back. Watch him.

Marcie returns to Brad’s house, and says, she’s not back yet? He says, no, and Marcie says, she thought Alex would be back. She was drunk and mad, and maybe she will when she sobers up. He says he doesn’t know, and she hands him a card. She says, it’s a lawyer. He needs to get custody of his kids. He asks how he explains it to them, and she says, carefully? He says, they’re going to be home soon, and she says he’ll need to have a sit-down with them. He asks if she’ll stay, but she doesn’t know if it’s a good idea. He says he’ll have to explain it to them sooner or later; there’s a lot going on. She says, maybe he should wait, but he says, what’s the point? He’s going to have to move in, and he wants her to move in as well. She asks if it isn’t a lot for the kids, and he says, they’ll adjust. The baby cries, and he says he’ll need help with this one. She says, the baby isn’t his. Alex will have to give him up for adoption. Is he sure he’s ready to take this on? He says he’s ready to do what he has to do. She tells him, call Larry, and they’ll do what they have to do. He says, done, and kisses her.

Lushion knocks on Kelly’s cell. She asks if he found Eddie, and he says he did. She says, thank God. He got the pictures back? He says, no, and she repeatedly says, oh my God. He says, but it’s all right, and she says, it’s not. She’s still in there. He says, not for long, and she tells him, he keeps saying that, but she can’t take it anymore. She feels like she’s going to die in there. That bastard Eddie took it all away from her. Lushion tells her, hold on, and she says she feels like a caged animal. He says, if she hates it there, she’s going to love this guy. Carl steps forward, and she says, what the hell is he doing here? Carl says, she has hostility for him, and Lushion tells her, she’d said Carl was so green he can’t see straight. Is that any way to talk about the man got her off? She says, what words are coming out of his mouth? and Lushion says, she’s free to go. He unlocks the cell, and she stands there a moment. She asks if he’s playing with her, but he promises he’s not. She cries and thanks him. She laugh/cries, and thanks them both. Lushion asks if she doesn’t want to know what happened, and she says, no. She doesn’t want them to change their minds; she just wants to leave. He says, they won’t change their minds, and she asks, what happened? Lushion says, they looked at the evidence, and saw it was self-defense; they saw all the victims. Kelly thanks Carl, and he says, him? The green kid? She thanks Lushion again, and kisses him on the mouth.

Next time, Natalie gets into it with Randal, Larry approaches Eddie about the money, Alex goes home, and Tanya freaks out.

🍹 May the Cinco de Mayo Be With You…

Another Temptation Tuesday has come and gone, and along with it your virtual margarita party, and whatever Star Wars remembrance you brought forth for the fourth. Stay safe, stay focused, and stay having a sense of humor.